#which is a good thought experiment and is helping keep me grounded BUT ALSO

[desperatepleasures]

ugh I have chores to do but what I really need to do is lay down and think about harukan for at least 4hrs while listening to labrador by aimee mann on repeat

[tiamathh]

Compliments from the Universe

Note: From the universe and me to you, you're all doing so well keep it up and take care of yourselves! My Paid Readings have been reopened if you want to check them out there's only 17 slots <3

Masterlist | Paid Readings | Paid Feedback

Hi Pile 1! The universe is here to complement you on your ability to stay truthful and vulnerable even in situations that make you want to lie and avoid and run away. You embrace change and don't run from it which makes life a tad bit easier for you than others who keep trying to claw their way out of inevitable situations. You are courageous and beautiful and people want to court you or ask you out because of how fun and flirty you seem.

Fast paced those are the words that can be used for you, but in a good way of course you want something and you go for it, you don't wait for life to happen and life rewards you by keeping things interesting whether for good or for bad, usually for the good though. You're free spirited and have the ability to be alone and stay with yourself and your thoughts which is very tough for some people (me) to do, this ability of yours does not only make you very self aware but also puts you on a path to self actualisation and being the best version of yourself.

You're sensual and I heard the song "All I do is win win win no matter what" so you have that going for you, even if it seems like things are not going your way, you somehow still keep control of yourself and ground yourself till you end up making things happen for you. You do not go down without a fight and have a natural affinity towards healing. Your presence itself is like a bandage on a cut, warm and safe and protective.

Hello Pile 2 <3 The universe is here to give you your flowers for being someone who knows how to protect your peace, you have the ability to save up and aren't a big spender which also provides you with stability and a good eye for investments. You may be someone who starts a lot of projects and even though you may not see them through, you still use whatever you've learnt from the previous project into new ones, whatever you learn you never let go to waste and always carry it with you. You have the kind of speech which can pull people in, the way you talk makes people want to listen to you, not only because of your words but also your voice helps calm others down.

You're blessed with the ability to see through people's bs and save yourself and the people close to you from such individuals as well. You carry yourself with a lot of grace and poise and may be very lucky when it comes to finances but this is not all luck it's also based on how you work hard for whatever you have. You don't shy away from controversy or conflict either, you know how to fight and you'll do it if you need to.

You refuse to trap yourself within the conventionality of society and let yourself do what you want and live how you want, you don't fear judgement, the only thing you fear is not being able to experience life the way you want which is very commendable. You entirely understand the concept of living for yourself and not for anyone else which makes the universe give you what you want if you ask nicely.

Hi Pile 3! The universe wants to tell you that they're proud of how you are extremely firm when it comes to any decision you make and how you have the ability to balance rationality and emotionality and do them both justice whenever you make your decisions. You're someone who has grown into this role which is even more commendable because you were able to overcome your inability to make decisions and may have been wishy washy.

You have this feeling of restlessness and freshness to you, like the wind at the top of a mountain, filled with energy and gusto but just so refreshing. However, you know when to stop and stand still, you know when it is right for you to take a step back and self evaluate. You're someone who's very sociable and loveable, a lot of people are naturally drawn to you and you may be someone who steps into the spotlight with ease, you do not have troubles when it comes to mingling with people from any walk of life and could also have a lot of wanderlust within you which encourages you to experience new things and everything the world has to offer.

You're generous and willing to help anyone out especially when they're just starting out, I heard start ups so that could be important for someone. You have this ability within you where you are very good at laying foundations for anything, your foundation with your life and what you want to do itself is very strong and almost unshakeable and you may not experience a lot of tower moments in your life because as soon as you clock that something is not working for you or meant for you, you get rid of it yourself and don't force the universe to intervene.

DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, REPHRASE, REPOST OR COPY MY CONTENT all rights reserved @tiamathh

[knapptapp]

Elevator- JamesPotter x GN!Reader

WC: 950

You are stuck in a muggle elevator with James Potter, Who wont stop flirting with you

Tags: Fluff, angst(?), Sarcastic reader, Slytherin reader, Flirty James Potter, Insecure reader

A/N: Wrote this from a prompt, trying to dip my toes into the Marauders fandom not a fully fleshed out fic or anything. A little experiment

“This might be a bad time to mention it, but I really like your perfume.”

“Oh shut up,” You said with a scowl as you once again pushed the emergency button.

Professor Corbyn had thought it a wonderful idea to assign the seventh year class a lengthy list of ‘muggle activities’ to complete. She had also thought up the brillant of idea of assigning partners randomly. Though you had your doubts about the “randomness”.

Still, it was a project worth a good chunk of your grade. As much as you wanted to, you couldn't blow it off. Which is how you ended up stuck in an elevator with James fucking Potter. James who thought your perfume was of utmost importance at the moment.

“No seriously, it's quite lovely.”

You ignored him and pressed the call button. A moment passed…..Nothing. Great, not even the phone was working.

“Where did you get it? From Diagon alley or-”

“Can you be useful for once?” You interrupted.

James pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning on, “Can you apparate?”

“No.” You admitted begrudgingly. Getting your license was on your to do list, there just hadn't been enough time. You were really starting to regret not putting it up higher on your list. You fanned yourself with your hand.

“Someone will come for us eventually.” James said with a shrug. He seemed completely care free and not at all worried about the situation at hand.

“Yeah. If we don't die from heatstroke before then.” You settled against the wall opposite of him and slid down till you were seated. It was just a tad bit cooler down on the floor.

“I know how you could cool off.” James said with a smirk. Just in case you hadn't understood his comment, he lifted just the hem of his shirt to reveal a sliver of tanned skin. You quickly looked away, but not before you caught a glimpse of a dark trail of hair disappearing beneath the waistband of his jeans.

“Oh fuck off.”

James copied you and slid down to the floor. Instead of sitting with his legs tucked up to his chest like yours, he instead stretched them all the way out. The elevator was tiny and James’ legs were long, the sides of his red converse knocked against your thighs. Cloth shopping had been another part of the project.

“Have I told you your shoes are ugly?”

“Many times,” James responded unphased, “You just don't like them because they're red.”

“Horrible color.”

“I think you'd look really nice in red. Got one shade specifically in mind actually.”

“Yeah, no” You fidgeted with the fraying sleeve of your dark green jumper. House pride was taken very seriously in Hogwarts. Wearing gryffindor red was an act of betrayal.

“You would,” He insisted, “I even have a jumper that would look perfect on you! Says ‘Potter’ right across the back.”

“Careful now James, I might think you're hitting on me.”

“Did it take you this long to notice?”

You knocked his foot away with your palm. James allowed it before he returned it back to tapping against your thigh. He was such a tease. He had been on this since you two got assigned partners.

“Ha Ha very funny,” You replied dryly.

He tapped his foot rhythmically against your leg, you tried your best to ignore it. The elevator was completely silent. The music had cut off when the elevator had come to a sudden stop with a metallic screech. There was nothing but the sounds of James and your breathing.

Your whole body was on edge. You couldn't help but keep anticipating the worst. Any movement made you feel like the elevator would go crashing to the ground below, You were stuck on the seventh floor and you had heard one to many horror stories.

“I'm bored,” James said, “We should do something.”

“Like what?”

“Why don't we play a game of truth or dare?” suggested James.

“Truth or dare? Seriously?”

“What else do you have in mind?” he replied smugly.

“Fine, let's play.” you agreed reluctantly.

“Okay, I'll start. Truth or dare?” James challenged.

You sat for a moment, mulling over your choices. There weren't many dare options while stuck in an elevator, but everyone and their mothers knew James Potter was a master prankster. He could probably come up with something within a second. Hell, he probably already had fifty dares planned out. Better to play it safe then.

“Truth.”

“Okay..” James pretended to think for a moment, he stroked his chin and gazed up at the roof dramatically, “Why don't you like me?”

Oh. Straight into it. You looked away from him uncomfortably. The thing was, you didn't not like him. Honestly, it was the opposite. But you couldn't let him know that. You would never hear the end of it.

“I don't not like you…You're just loud…” You said carefully.

“I think i’m quite charming honestly,” James smirked.

“Yeah, you think that.” You said with an eye roll

“You don't think I am?” James tilted his head to the side, one loose curl fell in front of his eyes. God damn it. Yes, you wanted to say. I've thought that you are charming since fourth year. But of course, you don't say any of it.

“Not at all.”

“You're forgetting the rules of the game again.” He teased. He leaned forward, only a couple inches closer than before, but still all too close.

“I’m not lying.” You attempted to sound confident and self assured but you couldn't manage to bring your voice above a whisper.

The gods must have heard your prayers because the phone on the wall rang. James and you stared at each other for a moment. He finally pulled his eyes away from you and stood up to answer the phone. You and your feelings were safe for another day.

[asleepygremlin]

Pokémon scarlet and violet and its theme of isolation and overcoming that feeling

So I don’t know if people have pointed this out or not but I noticed with the main characters of Pokemon sv, they suffer from some type of isolation. This will only focus on the main characters which are Arven, Nemona, Penny, Kieran, and Carmine. This will discuss events of scarlet and violet and its dlc so spoilers will be in this post. I apologize ahead of time for my poor wording as I’m not good at putting my thoughts into words. (I also apologize if this theme was obvious and I just sound like an idiot for noticing it now)

Tl;dr the main characters suffer from some kind of isolation whether it’s visible or hidden

The most obvious one to notice in my opinion is Arven, first I’d argue he suffers from physical isolation as growing up, sometimes the one parent he has isn’t even home most of the time and at the very least had mabosstif. He has no parents in his life and the one that partially is, is now dead. Next from the way Arven latches onto the player later on especially when seeing how he acts in mochi mayhem and how he seems kind of jealous of the players new found friendship with Kieran. This to me also shows he doesn’t have any friends either (I believe he even says mabosstif is his only friend which is kinda sad). So in short Arven has no support figures besides mabosstif, but he doesn’t truly have any human connections. That is until he makes friends with the player, Nemona, and penny

Penny is the second one that I noticed, like Arven, she also suffers from physical isolation by locking herself in her room. She’s suffered from bullying which would obviously lead to isolation and has probably caused her to close herself off from everything, but at least she has her friends at team star right? Although she does, when she first was friends with them, her identity was anonymous. She knows and connects with team star but they will never truly know and connect with her until later events which finally allow her to bridge the gap.

For the next one, I’m going to skip Nemona for last and put the kitakami siblings into this one section (also this one relies the most on speculation since we don’t know exactly what their experiences were). Unlike Arven and Penny, both of them don’t suffer from physical isolation but mentally. Carmine and Kieran have both grew up in a remote village for most of their life until attending blueberry academy. The isolation they must have felt must have been staggering. Although from the sounds of it they eventually were able to find solid ground via the league club. Now with Carmine and her prickly attitude, that might have caused her to push others away and keep to herself at times (I admit I’m speculating, I wish the dlc was longer DX). As for Kiki, I admit it’s a lot more easier for me to speculate because I relate to him more I feel you get more insight into his character compared to Carmine sorry Carmine. He is a lot more introverted and shy compared to his sister and I bet his love for the ogre led him to being a bit of a social outcast and moving to blueberry academy most likely didn’t help with him, even just feeling like he was, an outcast, plus his already bad self worth. When he meets the player, he is still very shy but seems ecstatic to finally having a friend to talk to… until you have to lie to him. I could go on an essays worth on how Kieran’s self worth and paranoia caused him to quickly think he’s being betrayed and see himself as unworthy of the player’s friendship but that’s another story and this paragraph is already getting long enough already. By losing his friendship with the player, he further isolated himself from others and it’s even worse in the indigo disk. He now isolates himself by being a ruthless champion with everyone afraid to confront him. Now he’s not alone from being a shy outcast but instead from being champion and hiding his already fragile heart with thorns. Ignore the poeticism of that last line lmao and yep this section with Kieran is of course the longest. however while both were able to find some solace in the league club, I’d argue they were able to truly open with the help of the player especially Kieran who learned to accept himself as he is.

Now finally Nemona and one I find the most fascinating because she isn’t as visibly isolated as the others and admittedly is the reason I wanted to write this. First I’d like to point out something I think people forget often, just because people seem to have a great social life and friends doesn’t mean they don’t feel lonely. Nemona is champion rank, student council president, and is overall a star student. However because she’s at the top, some people are intimidated by her and in one area convo she mentioned how someone refused to battle her because she’s a champion and battle wiz that would wreck him. Then in another area convo, she laments over people thinking that battling is natural to her and ignoring the genuine hard work that she puts into her skills. And in her final convo in her dorm room, for this I’ll just copy and paste the quote from bulbapedia and let it speak for itself.

"People would tell me to my face that I'd only managed it 'cause I have some innate gift, or 'cause I was raised differently, or whatever. And suddenly I started to feel like there was this invisible wall between me and everyone else."

(Also I was also going to add more info from the scarlet and violet novel “after the rain with you” but it hasn’t been officially translated and the only translation I found was via google translate so I decided to take it with a grain of salt and not and any info despite it having the most insight on Nemona’s character imo, if you want to take a look here’s the link)

Despite being the at the top being up there can get pretty lonely… until she met the player and had someone standing right beside her.

Anyways if you’ve read this far then thanks. This was longer than I thought it would be as I mainly typed this in one go only taking a break to do more research for Nemona’s section so sorry again if it seemed kinda rambling at times.

[luv4freddie]

Aerophobia (fear of flying)

Your fear of flying had kept you off a broom ever since first year, but dating Oliver Wood was bound to fix that. 575 words, fluffy mini story

“Please doll?”

You’d been very adamant about one thing in your time at Hogwarts, and it was that you would not be getting on a broom.

Your first year flying lessons had been a very unfortunate experience, with the amount of falling and bumping into other students you did it was a miracle they even let you finish the class.

And ever since then you’d sworn off getting on one of those cursed cleaning tools.

A relatively easy ban, until you ended up dating Oliver Wood— someone who might actually spend more time on his broom than on his feet.

One thing led to another, and now here you are, with your boyfriend giving you his pretty puppy eyes and a broom hovering next to him.

“I told you-”

“I know,” he says, familiar with your objections, “but your wonderful boyfriend is here and he’s an amazing flyer and he promises to not let you fall off.”

“He’s also talking in third person, which is weird,” you mumble.

Oliver laughs, but he recognizes that you’ve given up.

He holds the broom horizontally and lets you climb on, before climbing on behind you.

He’s reaching around you to hold his hands in front of you so that you’re trapped, his arms acting like the bumper rails you’ve seen at muggle bowling alleys.

“Relax,” he whispers, his breath tickling the shell of your ear.

“Just go before I change my mind.” You state, gritting your teeth in nervousness.

He lets out another chuckle but kicks off anyway, and you screw your eyes shut as a gust of wind hits you in the face.

The broom stabilizes in the air, and you wait to feel him take off zooming, but he never does.

You cautiously open one eye, squinting around at your surroundings.

You’re hovering about ten feet in the air— not moving.

“Ollie?” You have to speak up to be heard, as you’re too scared of shifting the broom to turn his way.

“Yes love?”

“Why aren’t we moving?”

“Do you want to?”

“I just thought you would.” You risk the small movement of shrugging your shoulders, and you can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks again.

“I’ll move, but you can’t close your eyes, deal?”

“I don’t know…”

He lifts one of his hands off the broom to offer his pinky to you, but you let out a squeal, leaning your back further into his chest.

“Oliver Wood you put your hand back on this broom right now!”

He laughs, “make the deal then.”

You let out a groan, still pushing further into him, and decide that anything is better than falling off the broom.

“Fine. Deal. I’m not moving my hand though.”

He places his hand back on the broom in front of you, at the same time placing a kiss on your cheekbone.

“Good answer.”

You brace for the broom to take off, clutching the handle tighter but keeping your part of the deal up— your eyes stay trained directly in front of you.

Oliver moves one hand further up and the broom gives a small lurch forward.

You hear him laugh at the squeal you let out, but you’re moving much slower and less aggressively than Oliver usually is on his broom, and your fear starts to drain as he continues to gently move the broom forward.

“Look, you can see the courtyard over there,” his voice is calm in your ears, and you excitedly look over.

“I see it! Look! Do you think that’s Fred and George?” You question, pointing to your left at two ant sized figures with red hair.

“Might be.” He hums, trying not to point out your sudden confidence as your hand moves again, pointing at something else.

Five minutes later and you’re back on solid ground, Oliver helping you off the broom with a satisfied grin on his face.

“That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” He teases.

“I guess not,” you concede, popping up to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“What’s that for?” He asks, although he’s already got a smug smile on his face.

“For taking such good care of me.”

He grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers and placing a sweet kiss on your knuckles while leading you back to the castle, his other hand holding the broom.

“I’ll always take care of you.”

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Hi, bestie, I’ve a request with our Tony for you

“that looks too big”

“wow, are you sure this is your first time?”

“you’re doing really well”

Thank you ❤️

The experience of a lifetime

Pairing || Best friend!Tony Stark x Best friend!Fem!Reader

Wordcount || ~ 925 words

Summary || When you come to Tony with an unexpected request, he can't help but think about the possible consequences. Once he agrees with you, he can't help but think about why you two haven't done this sooner, and he can't wait to return the favor, either.

Rating || Explicit (E)

Tags || Friends to friends with benefits. Hints of mutual pining. Explicit sexual content.

Smut || Oral (M receiving). Blowjob. Cum swallowing.

A/n || BESTIE. I have one thing to say, and that is I fucking love you! Oh, my dear good lord, you have unleashed something in me with this drabble, and I am forever grateful! Thank you for proofreading it, and it was my honor to have written this amazing story for you! 🤍

Photo: @ccbsrmsf1 || All other graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Tony Stark || FWB!Tony Stark || Summer of Drabbles

"You want to... what?" Tony asks, unsure if he heard you correctly when you asked him if you could give him a blowjob. It's something you've never done before, and you're very curious about what it's like.

"I want to suck your dick," you tell him again, and this time he hums as if he's trying to let it sink in. Out of all the things that went through his head when he saw you come into his lab not even five minutes ago, this definitely wasn't one of the things that crossed his mind.

"I- uhm... Yeah," he says after thinking about it for a short moment. He's been madly in love with you for as long as he can remember, and he would be stupid to say no to an offer like this, though he's also a bit nervous, afraid it might change something in a way you won't be able to come back from.

"Do you want me to do it now, or...?" you ask, and Tony's mind is in overdrive. A blowjob, now?!

"If you- I mean, if that's what you want," he says shyly, and you can't stop smiling at his shy demeanor.

"It is!" you say in a cheerful voice, and a few moments later, you find yourself on your knees as he works on opening his pants, his hands trembling with nerves and excitement. Your next sight is one you did not expect in the slightest, and your jaw drops at the size of his cock.

"T-that- uhm, that looks too big," you say in a soft voice, nerves now settling in your stomach at the thought of what's about to happen. Your confidence when you walk in has lessened, instead making way for the nerves soaring through your body.

"I'm sure we can make it work, Princess; we can take it slow," he says reassuringly, and you nod. You scoot a bit closer until you're between his thighs, your hands resting on them to ground yourself.

Tony works his hand over his length, and all you want to do is have a small taste at first to see what it's like. Carefully, you bend forward with your tongue stuck out, licking the small bead of pre-cum that gathered at his slit with a soft, curious hum. You'd have to get used to the salty taste, but it also leaves you wanting more right away, and you do exactly that.

Your lips wrap around his soft, pink tip as you suckle gently, getting used to both the taste and the texture of his cock. Tony's eyes are slipping shut as you do, soft groans filling the air as you take your time to get used to having something so odd yet perfect in your mouth.

"Hmm, you're doing really well," he praises you, which warms your cheeks as you work more of him into your mouth, your tongue licking the vein on the bottom of his cock to see what it's like. It turns out this is something Tony enjoys, as his hands are placed on your head to guide you and ground himself, too.

As you're getting accustomed to the taste and feel of the stretch in your mouth, you keep working more of him into your mouth, resulting in Tony groaning loudly from the pleasure. For the first time, you're doing very well and proud of yourself as you pull back again, the feeling becoming almost natural.

"I want to swallow for you, Tony," you say after letting him go with a wet pop, and the grunt that leaves Tony's lips as he tries not to cum on the spot enables you to know he loves the thought of letting go in your mouth.

"Before I do that, I have to ask you one thing, Princess," he says, and you sit back to meet his gaze.

"Are you sure this is your first time?"

The laugh that leaves your lips has Tony smiling wide, and his heart feels like it's gonna beat out of his chest as he looks at you. You have stolen his heart, and now you're gonna let him cum in your mouth as well, making you his favorite person ever.

This time, instead of taking him in your mouth again, you decide to play with the long, protruding vein on the bottom of his length, running your tongue over it as your hand gently works back and forth as well.

"P-Princess," Tony stumbles, and you look at him through your lashes as you suckle on his tip, which has him dangerously close to the edge. You decide to take the hint, and before you know it, your best friend is emptying his balls in your mouth with a deep shout of your name, changing your dynamic in a way you won't be able to come back from, but you don't mind.

"I- fuck," Tony curses, his chest rising and falling quickly after you've worked him through his orgasm.

"Let me return the favor, Princess," Tony says with lust-blown eyes, and your pussy clenches in excitement as he does. While you were nothing more than friends when you walked into his lab less than an hour ago, you're now heading towards friends with benefits, which you're not complaining about.

"I thought you'd never ask," you say before getting up and sitting on his desk, your legs spread to reveal you're completely bare underneath your skirt. It's like you have planned this from the beginning, and Tony has fallen for it - and you - exactly like you thought he would.

[filmbyjy]

MINESTREAM

SYPNOSIS > Wanting to start a new stream series with his best friends, Jay had a bright idea of playing some simple Minecraft with them. Everything was normal, until he realises there is another person in the call with them. He quickly learns that it was ni-ki’s older sister, (name). Watch how streaming a simple game of Minecraft can dig up some interesting feelings between the main leads.

FIFTEEN – that man is a f*cking simp

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

a/n: i used papago for like the translation so please correct me if I’m wrong😭

with the night wind blowing at your hair as you walked around with jay, you can’t help but closed your eyes. it was a nice walk at night. you had spent the afternoon with him at the cafe and talked a lot about a bunch of things.

you found out he liked a bunch of older songs, especially rock songs. he played the guitar and was trying to play more often. you also learnt he was decently fluent in Japanese, which surprised you.

“you know Japanese?” you say a little in shock and awe.

“yeah, I learnt it so that I didn’t have to keep staring at the subtitle and just actually concentrate on the anime I was watching. took a long time though but it was worth it at the end. i’m still learning more phrases.”

“that’s so cool!”

“ありがとうございます (thank you).” jay replies.

“you sound like a local. i’m impressed. did riki ever accidentally speak to you in Japanese?”

“he did. maybe once or twice. i understood what he said so it was fine.”

“well, you sound natural. maybe even better than me in Japanese.” you say.

jay laughs. his laughter was truly adorable. you couldn’t help but melt at it. it made you realise that being alone with jay made you feel super comfortable. due to your past experiences with disgusting guys in japan. you couldn’t stay alone with any guy without feeling unsafe. that of course did not include ni-ki, he was your brother after all, and heeseung.

and now, currently after having a heartfelt conversation at the cafe for a long time, the sun had set. you and jay were walking around the park and towards the campus grounds. there was a cyclist coming closer to the both of you so jay grabs your hand and pulls you to the side so you wouldn’t crash into the cyclist.

“oh. thank you, I didn’t realise there was someone.” you say. jay snorts.

“maybe, you shouldn’t aimlessly walk with your eyes closed.” he squeezes your hand since he was still holding it.

“I was enjoying my peace. the night feels cool and nice so why not, you know? besides, it’s the weekends tomorrow. I just need a small breather before I have to go back to sitting in my bedroom and painting.”

jay hums. the both of you continued to walk with your hands intertwined. neither of you minded and really remembered that jay’s hand was still interlocked with yours. in fact, it actually felt comfortable like it was meant to be.

was this fate?

right as those 3 words popped into your thoughts, jay’s phone rings. he answered it with his other hand still walking with you hand in hand. you had kept quiet, just listening in to his conversation with whoever it was.

“I’m doing fine. mmm, I’ll try to visit you guys during summer break. no. I don’t have a girlfriend.” it caught your attention. you knew jay was a good looking guy, tons of girls would’ve loved to talk to him so why doesn’t he have a girlfriend.

“mom, I know you’re worried about me. I can handle it. I’m only 22 this year. yes, I’m doing well in college as per usual.” he chuckles slightly. “I don’t want to go on a blind date, mom. I want to find my own girlfriend. someone that understands me and likes what I do.”

his eyes met with yours as he finishes his words. your heart stops. you nearly had a heart attack because why would jay just stare at you as he finishes his sentence. what did that mean? there is no way he likes you…right? it was too early! he can’t like you that way.

jay finishes up his call with his mom. he places his phone back in his pocket and turns to face you. “so what are you thinking of doing during our summer break?”

“mmm, I’m not sure. I haven’t thought about it. probably more streaming.”

“do you wanna stream with me? I probably wouldn’t go out much during the break.”

“I thought you were going to visit your parents?”

“I am but we could stream together after I visit them.”

“you aren’t staying for a week?”

“my parents are usually busy, they travel around a lot so they’ll probably fly out a day or two after I visit them.” jay explains. you hummed.

“me and riki would would definitely be free.”

“perfect. I could ask the others if they’d like to play too.”

finally, you had arrived in front of your dorm’s apartment building. unfortunately, jay lets go of your hand. the warmth was all gone and you already missed it.

“rest well and don’t overdo yourself. I know it’s tempting for you to just continue doing your artwork but you need to rest.”

“yes, jay. I know. I won’t overdo myself.”

“that’s my good girl.” he ruffles your hair. “well, I have to go. the boys probably would expect me to come back soon. they can’t survive without me. the dorm would’ve burnt down by now.” jay jokes.

you laughed, “alright. before you go, can I ask you something?”

“sure.”

“can we stream tomorrow?”

“of course.”

you had stepped forward and quickly left a peck on jay’s cheek before bolting in to your apartment building. jay holds the cheek that you had left a kiss on as he watches your figure growing smaller. a stupid smile adorning his face, he was smitten.

you had opened your front door after taking an elevator up to the floor. it slams shut as you entered it and laid your back against it. your heart racing quickly, the heat flaming against your cheeks.

“oneechan, what are you doing?” ni-ki appears at the hallway, his eyebrow raised as he looks at you in question.

“oh my god, I- riki, why are you walking so softly. when did you stand there?” you say as you were flustered.

“I was about to walk to the kitchen but I heard the front door slam. what happened?”

“nothing. just went out.”

“was there another stalker?” his voice sounding a little serious.

“oh, no no. no stalker, just umm i saw a flying cockroach outside.” you lied. the worry in ni-ki’s eyes dissipated, it was quickly replaced with fear.

“we really have to move. oneechan, I’m going to find us an apartment that’s better than here and is equally as near to school.”

“umm, we don’t have to.”

“I don’t care, I’m paying for the rent. you don’t need to worry.”

“riki!”

“consider this as a big early birthday present.” ni-ki skips over to you and pecks your cheek. “only the best for you big sis!”

you had to tiptoe to pat his head, “you have to stop spending money on me, riki. I can buy things on my own.”

“not until you get that streamer money.”

“well, can you really blame me for joining an art course because it’s my passion?”

“not at all, oneechan! you just have to not feel bad every time me and yvette noona want to pay something for you.”

“but I’ll owe you guys.” you pout.

“shhhh.” ni-ki grabs you and pushes you towards your bedroom door. “you don’t have to feel bad, I’ll do anything for you and any one of my friends! trust me, I’ll even ask sunoo hyung for house hunting advice.”

“is he even a reliable source-” ni-ki stops pushing you to your bedroom when you reach the middle of your room.

“he is a very reliable source. now, get some rest! I’ll find a house by the morning and then confirm stuff by next week. we’ll be in a new apartment in two weeks time.” ni-ki blows a kiss to you and shuts the door.

you sighed. ni-ki was an amazing younger brother and you love him to the moon and back. he’s a one of a kind brother, anyone would want him. however, you felt so burdened by the fact that you felt like you owe something to him. you knew he didn’t care if you paid back or not and he always treats you. it’s just the guilt creeping up on you.

you looked down at your phone and glanced at the lockscreen, it was a baby photo of ni-ki. everything you did was for him. your parents could always trust you with ni-ki and vice versa. with them running a company back in Japan, it was hard for them to come home. hence, you had to grow up for ni-ki. of course, your parents were grateful. they always brought both you and ni-ki out as a little treat. it wasn’t a surprise when ni-ki wanted to fly out to Seoul with you to go college. he’s a constant in your life and your parents knew that. hence, they didn’t say no to ni-ki and allowed him to take the same flight as you.

you had taken a shower quickly and changed into your pyjamas before deciding that you had to sleep. you had to continue up painting before streaming again tomorrow. just as you dried your hair and then threw yourself on the bed, you can’t help but remember what you did when you came home. you hid your face behind the pillows.

as for jay…

he was busy giggling and kicking his feet in his bedroom. jake and sunghoon were confused as to why jay was just mindlessly walking to his bedroom and then they heard a ‘girlish’ giggle from jay’s room. both jake and sunghoon looked at each other in shock.

“he’s gone insane.” sunghoon says. jake nods.

“didn’t he go out with (name) just now?” jake asks.

slowly the put the pieces together, sunghoon’s eyes widened. “we’ve truly lost him.”

“that man is a fucking simp.” both sunghoon and jake say at the same time.

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[bitchy-craft]

What Your Higher Self Wants You To Know | Pick A Pile

Hello and welcome to this Pick A Pile! In here you'll find out what your higher self wants you to know. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful. Do make sure to leave comments down below on your experience! I do want to remind you all that this is a General Pick A Pile which means this is for a lot of people; therefore keep what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Masterlist

Pick A Pile!

Pile 1:

The cards in this pile are indicating that your higher self wants you to know that it's time to let go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you, things that hold you back or make you feel ways that bring you nothing but negativity. It's time to trust the process of life and let go of any control you may feel the need to have, even if it's difficult for you.

Trust that the universe is guiding you towards your highest good, because it is, even if it doesn't always seem like it. You may also benefit from meditation and grounding practices to help you connect with your inner self and the guidance that is available to you. You don't need to directly speak to yourself, but you can listen to your body and what it wants from you.

Pile 2:

This pile tells me that your higher self wants you to know that it's time to step into your power and embrace your true self, to let go of the things others expect from you and want from you. To choose yourself above anyone else.

You may have been holding back and playing small, but now is the time to step forward and shine. Trust in your own abilities and intuition, and know that you are capable of creating the life you desire, and are capable of succeeding in any goal or wish you may want to succeed in. You may also benefit from setting clear intentions and taking inspired action towards your goals.

Pile 3:

The story this pile tells is about how your higher self wants you to know that it's time to focus on self-care and nurturing yourself, to choose yourself above anyone else and work on whatever you find difficult yet wabt to excel at. You have been giving too much of your energy, time, thoughts and emotions to others, and now it's time to prioritize your own needs and leave behind anything that holds you back from that.

Take time for yourself to rest, relax, and recharge, to do whatever you need to do for a calm mind, for a relaxed mind, a happy mind. Something that could help you with this is by connecting with nature and incorporating more healthy habits into your daily routine; like taking a walk in the forest, or working in a sleeping scedule.

[helpolnix]

The trouble with seeing and hearing your deities.

[Just to immediately preface, I do not see or hear my deities in the literal sense. I see and hear them the same way I can hear my internal monologue and how if I have my eyes open and you tell me to picture a red or green apple, I can.]

For a little while, I thought I was going completely batshit. Like I was ready to check myself into a psych ward batshit. For a good 2 or so weeks, I was very comfortable with just getting a word or two from my gods when using divination, it was like a little treat. But as time progressed and I spent more time around them, I began to hear more and more of their words, and then my brain started to make their appearance.

That’s when I started to have a very scary moment of, “oh no, I’m going crazy.” Or something along the lines of spiritual psychosis. But I didn’t really fit any of the symptoms at all.

[I will say a medication I was on made my paranoia surrounding it worse tho lol]

Asking the gods about it didn’t necessarily help since they just assured me I wasn’t crazy.

Well, I must be, no?

Of course not. lol.

Looking into other people’s experiences with talking with their deities was very eye opening. But it made me wonder about all the unique ways I’ve seen people interacting with their deities, or the ways in which they’ll make themselves known to their devotees. I personally still use a pendulum even though I’ll catch the rest of their sentence before they finish speaking it completely. I call it my safety blanket.

They hate my safety blanket.

I oh so carefully monitor the words they say and what truly makes sense and what doesn’t. What sounds realistic and what absolutely doesn’t. Keeping yourself grounded in reality(you know what I mean) is so so important. I honestly don’t find it to be a bad idea to look up the symptoms of spiritual psychosis and delusions in general if you’re also in the same boat as me, hearing and seeing your gods.

It’s scary, jarring, and it makes you question yourself a lot. So many people are so confident in their abilities already and it’s just like, “oh yeah I hear and see them.”

Like.. okay, but how the fuck does that work for you?

I’m young, I’m new to this, I have no older mentor or friend that’s been in the religion for years to lean on that’s not a god. The fuck should I do?

Sure, you don’t have to say anything about how that works in your head, but I think it’d be nice to. Nobody is obligated to share anything about their worship or practice, yet sharing important disclaimers regarding these “gifts” or senses—whatever you want to call them— I think should be talked about a little more.

I gradually got to this point over the past two months, hearing more and more of them as I spent more time in my practice.

And if anyone wants, I could make a separate post in how I deal with severe intrusive thoughts and this hearing shit. It’s really stressful most times. And not fun.

But wowwwww it’s been weird seeing how they present themselves hahahaha that’s a whole separate post.

In conclusion though, I’m carefully monitoring myself, what I experience, and the new meds I’m going on, and coming off. It’s been a really weird 2 months, but I’m excited for the future anyway.

[houseofperfecttaste]

So Good

You met Rafe in college before he dropped out and you both instantly just connected. No one understood how though, he was the big tough asshole who didn’t care about anyone and you were a straight-A student who was the nicest person on Earth and would drop anything to help someone. You controlled his tantrums and calmed him down in a way no one else ever could. You were his soft spot and everyone knew it. Rafe's favorite thing about you is that you’re so innocent. You’ve never had a boyfriend which shocked him when you told him because you’re beautiful. He also knows that no one’s ever touched you and you’ve never had an orgasm. He always hoped one day he would be able to be your first.

He also loved how you wouldn't get peoples dirty or sex jokes. They all went right over your pretty little head. He remembers one day at a party when someone made a sex joke and you were confused. "Wait I don't get the joke." You pouted up at him wanting him to explain and he smiled slinging his arm over your shoulder. "It's okay beautiful." He pulled you into his side as you huffed cutely. "Explain it to me." "No, it's bad." He wanted to protect you as long as possible and his grin grew bigger when you crossed your arms causing your boobs to squeeze together but you had no idea.

He also loved the way that you always counted on him at parties to keep the creeps away. You were outside by Rafes pool during a party when some random Touron started talking to you and you couldn't find a way to escape. You scanned the party spotting Rafe who was already looking at you and you gave him the come save me look. He immediately walked away from the people he was talking to coming to your rescue. "Go away," Rafe said moving between you and the guy staring him down. The guy was smart enough to leave knowing the end result wouldn't be pretty. "My hero." You smiled wrapping your arms around his waist from behind.

Now, you were at another one of his infamous parties talking with a bunch of girls who were talking about their sex lives and the kinkiest things they've done. You sat there in silence not being able to relate to anything they said and wanting to experience it. "I'm gonna go grab another drink." You said heading to the kitchen and sighing pouring more Titos into your cup. You walked over to Rafe who was sitting outside talking to Topper, Kelce, and some other guys you recognized but didn't know their names. "Hey pretty." He greeted pulling you down into his lap due to the limited seating and continued his conversations.

You took the time to look over his features admiring how good he looked with the buzzcut. You always thought he was attractive but right now you were finally realizing how hot your best friend was. He was wearing a red shirt that fit him perfectly showcasing his muscles and shoulders. He noticed you staring your eyes lingering on his muscles and he flexed them a little more on purpose seeing how you squirmed a bit and blushed. The guys ended up leaving after a few minutes and you tried to move off his lap but he pulled you back down. "Where do you think you're going?" He teased leaning back into the chair amused by your flustered state. You rolled your eyes playfully and giggled making yourself more comfortable and Rafe bit his lip to suppress his groan.

You brought your cup up to your lips taking a large gulp of vodka your face twisting in disgust, the taste never getting better. "You okay princess?" He asked worried never seeing you drink so much. "Yeah I guess, it's just that some girls I was with earlier were talking about their sexual experiences and everything and I haven't had anything. I just want to experience it." You laughed in embarrassment taking another swig of your drink. Rafe grabbed the drink out of your hand placing it on the ground turning back to you but you spoke up first. "I was wondering if you would help me?" Rafe almost choked on his spit when he heard you. "We'll talk about it tomorrow when you're sober okay angel?" You nodded knowing it was no use to push him to talk about it now knowing how stubborn he was. You were happy because he didn't reject you completely.

~ Morning After ~

You woke up in Rafes' bed tucked in and Rafe was asleep next to you shirtless and you were in one of his t-shirts and shorts. You sighed when you remembered what you asked him last night and that you would have to talk to him about it today. You snuck downstairs grabbing water and sat at the island. You heard the stairs creak signaling that Rafe was coming down. "Good morning." Rafe smiled as you smiled back at him shyly hoping he forgot. "Morning." You tried not to let your eyes fall on his abs and v-line but you failed and he most certainly noticed.

"Look I'm just going to address the elephant in the room, if you want to have your first time I would be more than happy to be your first." Rafe stood across from you on the other side of the island and you put your head in your hands. "Hey hey look at me." He moved over to you quickly sitting on the stool next to you. "I understand you were drunk so if you don't mean it that's okay, and if you did mean it that's also okay. No matter what nothing will change between us." Rafe was staring at you and you wanted him to be your first but now that you were sober you were nervous.

"I do mean it, I'm just nervous." You whispered finally looking over at him to see his famous smile on his gorgeous face. "Can I kiss you?" He inched his face closer to yours and you closed the gap between you two your lips finally touching. You both smiled into the kiss and he stood up taking you with him. He placed you on top of the island breaking away to kiss down your jaw and neck. "Are you sure you want this?" He asked looking into your eyes and caressing your cheek. "More than anything Rafe." He smashed his lips against yours again his hands wrapping around your thighs and lifting you off the counter. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you up to his room.

He laid you on the bed climbing over you and you ran your hands down his chilesed body tracing his v-line. "Rafe." You moaned quietly as he kissed your neck leaving a little mark. Rafe felt all the blood rush to his cock when hearing your moan and he was trying to control himself not wanting to move too fast for you. You sat up an innocent smile on your pretty face as you pulled his t-shirt over your head letting your breasts fall free. Rafe's pupils dilated as he looked down at your chest. "Let me know if you want me to stop or if you get uncomfortable okay?" "Okay." You breathed out as he brought his hand up to grab your breast and run his fingers over your nipples. He moved down latching his mouth onto your nipple while playing with the other one.

You arched your back into him and he started kissing down your stomach kissing just above your shorts. "Can I take these off princess?" He asked looking at you as he massaged your thighs. You lifted your hips letting him slide them down your legs and he spread your legs wide open his mouth watering at the sight of your glistening pussy. "I make you this wet baby?" He ran his fingers through your folds making you shudder. "Yes, Rafe. Please please touch me." You begged the anticipation of feeling his fingers becoming too much for you. "I wanna hear you beg a little more baby. What do you want me to do to you." Your cheeks flushed embarrassed to say what you want from him. He wanted to hear those dirty words come from your innocent mouth.

"I want your fingers, Rafe." He tsked wanting more from you. "What do you want my fingers to do?" His voice was deep as his fingers teased your clit and entrance before reaching up to play with your nipples. "I want your fingers on my clit and in my pussy please." You bucked your hips whining and he placed his thumb on your clit rubbing making you moan loudly. He slowly entered a finger into you stretching you out and he couldn't take his eyes off the way your pussy stretched. "F-feels s-so good baby." You moaned throwing your head back on the pillow your right hand playing with his hair. "I know baby, you look so pretty getting fingered." His voice was soothing as he entered another finger making you hiss in pain but told him to keep going.

He increased his pace his fingers plunging in and out of you while his thumb worked on your clit your thighs started to shake and a warm feeling in your stomach started to bubble. "I-I feel weird." You stuttered making Rafe grin knowing exactly what it was. "You're gonna cum beautiful, let go. Cum for me." All it took was for Rafe to plunge his fingers into you once more before you screamed his name seeing stars as he helped you ride out your high. Rafe removed his fingers bringing them up to his lips and sucking your juices off moaning at the taste of you. "Fuck." You gasped-moaned when seeing the sight.

"Take your pants off." You giggled pulling at them and he grinned pulling them down his cock springing free since he wasn't wearing any underwear. You reached out to grab his cock but he pinned your arms down. "Uh-uh. Tonight's about you." He shook his head leaning down to kiss you and you could taste yourself on his mouth and tongue. "Rafe, I'm scared." You chuckled trying to mask your nervousness as you looked at his size knowing he would split you in half. "Do you wanna stop?" He lifted your chin to meet his eyes and you felt better being able to see how much he cares about you, doesn't want to hurt you, and wants to make you comfortable.

"No, I want you very badly, go slow please." "Of course." You watched as he spat on his cock making your mouth watering at the thought of it in your mouth, even though you had no idea how to give a blowjob. He lined up with your entrance slowly pushing his tip in stretching you more than his fingers. You reassured him you were okay and he pushed in more and more until he was all the way in. He stayed still for a few moments letting me adjust his head dropping to the crook of your neck when feeling how tight you were squeezing him. "Fuck baby you're squeezing me so good. So tight." He growled.

You didn't mean to but you rolled your hips making him moan in your ear and getting you instantly wetter. "Yeah, you like hearing me moan? You got so much wetter." He called you out and you rolled your hips again making him grip your waist and another moan leave his pretty lips. He started thrusting into you slowly making your eyes roll back and grab his biceps. "F-faster." He increased his pace a little bit staring down into your eyes smirking to himself when seeing your eyes roll back multiple times and your eyes fluttering closed every now and then.

"You still good baby?" He knew you were loving it but he wanted you to amuse him. "Yes, baby." He lifted your legs higher, reaching a deeper spot and making you scream his name. "Oh my god baby, just like that." Your hands were on his abs as he watched you thinking how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to be your first. "God this pussy feels like it was made for me." His large hands were wrapped around your thighs keeping your legs up and he felt himself getting close. You wish you could've responded but his cock was making you forget everything he was so deep and big it felt so much better than you thought it would.

He felt your body tighten and he knew you were also getting close. "I'm so close too baby. Cum for me whenever you're ready." He held himself back from cumming while you were cumming wanting you to finish before him. Once you started to calm down he pulled out and came on your stomach. "That was amazing." Rafe kissed you on the lips before grabbing a towel and wiping his mess off of you. "It was perfect. Best I've ever had." You joked making him shake his head and laugh.

*Might turn this into a series*

@annekelovesreading

[rise-my-angel]

Distracted Mistakes

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 10.5k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, graphic descriptions of violence, implied threat of assault, restraints, smut, p in v, orgasm denial

Notes: Kinda dark in tone but has a happy ending, can be seen as a sequel to Confused Warmth but also can be read as a standalone. Follow up Past Retribution

Growing up, you knew you didn’t experience things the same way you thought you should have. You knew what was normal, but you didn’t have the chance to naturally grow out of childhood into an adult. No, you were a kid one day, and the next, most adults around you demanded you behave just like they did. Sure, you sort of knew why at the time, you were ripped away from your home and into a world where you didn’t know who to be more scared of, the infected or other people.

One thing that you were taught was that you had to be good at the same kinds of things adults were. Few people who travelled with were willing to give you the time to learn, most told you to just do it and shut up about it. It didn’t matter if you were bad at it, or hated it, you were a kid and you needed to just do what you were told. Unfortunately for you, that was a habit you never lost as you became independent. Years of surviving alone, and you still refused to speak up about things you hated. All you learned to do was to be quiet and stew in your frustrations alone.

Months into your stay in Jackuson, Wyoming had helped to unwind some of the more demanding parts a nomadic habitation had forced you to endure, but if you still struggled with anything, it was speaking up truthfully about negative emotions. Still remembering the gruelling years of teenagehood, and the lessons you were taught. How irritated or angry you are doesn't matter, just shut up, do your job, or face the consequences like an adult.

Unfortunately for you, that irritation grew strong that afternoon, sun beating down on your head, pack strapped to your person making you sweat underneath, and the unbearably uncomfortable straining in your lower half all added up. The steady trollop of hooves and the presence of the men you normally treasured spending time with, did very little to make you feel better.

You put a lot of work into pretending as if it didn’t bother you, but the mix of a particularly hot day, and spending hours in the sun's direct path did little to quell the fact that you absolutely hated riding a horse.

You and Joel had spent increasing amounts of time scouting outside of Jackson, but this was by far the furthest away from town you had been since arriving. Tommy suggested the three of you go together to this area he and Joel had been looking at, and bringing the horses made the most sense.

Part of you wanted to feel guilty for being so grouchy, Joel did outright ask you before you left, “You know how to ride, right? Cus we’re gonna be out there a while just getting there.”

If by knowing how to ride, he meant your one time learning how to ride a horse during a short stay at a horse ranch many years ago in which you spent 3 hours total on one? Then sure you technically knew how to ride, but Joel already had one all set up for you when you got there and saying no wasn’t really an option. If you said you weren’t comfortable on one by yourself, you figured Joel would just tell you to stay behind, so you just said yes.

Two hours later, you were ready to jump off this damn thing and never look at it again. Coming to a stop near a set of buildings, Joel’s voice brought you out of your head, calling you name. “You with me?”

Nodding without much thought you moved to get down, face wincing as you haul your leg over to join the other on one side. Before you could step down, large hands grasp at your sides, picking you up and gently placing you on the ground. “I got it, I got it”

“Sure you did.” Joel didn’t even acknowledge your narrowed eyes towards him, one hand keeping you steady as it holds your hip firmly, the other reaching for your reins. “What’d we just say, then?”

You move to grab them from him, but Joel’s arm just raises out of your grasp. With a sigh, one palm finds a home on your hip, “We go through the strip right there, quick clear before grabbing essentials only and moving to scout the two story at the end. I heard you loud and clear, Joel.”

Joel’s face doesn’t change much, eyebrows furrowing downward. “Clearly not, since Tommy said all that not me.” His arm stretched back to wordlessly let Tommy take the reins of your own horse and secure it with the others. “Look if you’re not up for this-”

“Well I’m already here.” Moving the strap holding your firearm laying across your back up and off to hang over your arm, you hold back the attitude you know isn’t really warranted. “I’m fine, Joel. I’m just..”

He takes a small step into your personal space, head leaning slightly down closer to yours, but you keep talking before he can interject. “You and Tommy should start with the larger building. It’ll take longer anyways, and I can quickly make my way through these two small ones and meet up with you two before you even get to the second floor.”

A warm hand raises to the bottom of your chin, lifting up to meet his eye. “Hey, if you’re not okay just tell me.” His deep brown eyes, usually a degree of harshness within them, soften as he takes in your clear agitation.

Your own hand comes up and gently grasps his wrist, twisting his hold on you open, as you bring his hand to your lips with a gentle kiss. “It’s fine, I'll rummage through those two quickly and meet up with you two. You two are faster than me anyways.” Letting his hand fall, you step back to turn to Tommy, leaning against a post watching with a questioning gaze. “That okay with you?”

The two brothers share an unspoken conversation, as Tommy nods. “Works for me. Just keep your eyes peeled.” Joel moves to start off in the other direction as you make your way to the first, and smallest building. You don’t look back to see Joel’s watchful eye follow you with concern.

You’re not normally in such a bad mood, but the relentless heat pouring on top of you for two hours, straddling such a large horse for only the second time allowing pain and soreness to creep up the length of your legs and into your lower back left you uncomfortable to the point of vast frustration. Hearing Joel almost tell you that you should have stayed behind just poking at your already sore spots.

This was still new. You still weren’t used to having a person know you the way Joel does, having a person always watching your wellbeing with such care. You still feared Joel seeing you as incapable. If he didn’t think much of your skills out here, then what did he really think of you back home? Years travelling alone, surviving solely on your own skills, couldn’t match the experience over two decades Joel held over you. He was an adult when this started, you weren’t. And maybe you still worried he saw your inferiority as childish rather than just less experienced.

How long could he care about you in this way if he sees you as childish, afterall.

You made a slow progression through the first building. Too distracted, that’s what you were. You were focused on what was on the shelves, not your surroundings. You grabbed a few things as you moved out of the first room, too busy making your way to the much more full shelves in the back you missed the movement hiding in the shadows. Slipping your bag off of your back, you knelt onto the ground and started sorting through what to take or not.

If you had been thinking clearly, you could have cleared the building first, wouldn’t keep your back to the majority of the room. Realistically, the best decision would have been to stick to the original plan and scout the room as a group. You aren’t sure if you could have avoided what was about to happen even if you paid attention on your own.

Creaking wood had barely even grazed your eardrums, giving you enough time to lift your head up, before an arm came into your eyeline. All you could do was watch as the hand came into view and slammed itself down onto your mouth, while the other arm wrapped around your stomach and yanked you back into the body of its owner with an unpleasant lurch. Your own hands flew up to pry your mouth free with a muffled grunt, but whomever had you in their hold turned their body towards where you could see a second figure standing before throwing you onto the ground in front of them.

Your head slammed into the ground, a sharp sting flowing through your entire head, and the crushing pressure of a heavy weight kneeling down onto your back. Someone pressing your wrists together followed by a painfully tight restraint wrapping around them, another set of hands coming over your head, forcing a fabric around your mouth with such force it knocks your head back with it.

Suddenly your vision seemed to spin, as you found yourself being picked up and thrown face first into a wall, before the perpetrators spun you around to finally face them. Two tall men stood before you, covered in dirt, soot, and what you feared may be dried blood. They seemed gangly for the strength they used on you, but two on one wasn’t a good way for you to gain the upperhand.

“Search her.” One of the men spat out, pulling out a hunting knife as he crowds your face with the blade. “You gonna let the man do what he’s gotta do or you about to get a whole lot uglier.” His breath felt putrid alone, like it threatened to burn your skin off as the blade poked into your cheek.

The other wasn’t any better, his grungy hands roamed your pockets and feeling far too slowly around certain body parts, before checking around your clothes, pulling anything he found as he tossed it onto a small dirty table beside him. Your eyes closed shut, unwilling to watch his touch, when you realised just how badly you had screwed up.

You didn’t notice the strap of your gun sliding off your shoulder, it wasn’t on you thats for sure. Were you so distracted that they had slipped it off you before grabbing you? You opened your eyes to the one with the knife, and there it was. Hanging off of his shoulder, sitting too high on his torso for it to be his own. It was sized for your own height, not someone as tall as this, but you suspected it didn’t matter now.

The other straightened up as you were ripped of your possessions, “Not much good. Couple knives, some first aid shit.” The touchy one looking down at you, “Lady like you out here alone with fuck all on you? You believe that?” His attention turned towards his companion, both looking as sceptical as the other.

The one with the knife moved it up and off your skin entirely but continued to point too close to your body. “If shes all by herself out here with just this,” shifting the weapon on his shoulder, “then shes the dumbest broad I ever seen.”

Touchy man kneeled down to your height as you lean back as far away as you can, hoping the wall would swallow you up. “There’s one of you, and three horses outside. You ain’t alone, right honey?”

All you could do was glare. You wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of trying to yell, let alone give them even a lie. The one kneeling just smiled, a dark and greasy smile to match the suffocating stench that came from it. “We got ways of making you talk, but they ain’t nice so you best bet start talking. For your own sake.”

With a jerk of his head, he seemed to give the other man instructions as the knife holder stepped up and tucked just the sharp tip of the knife under the fabric around your mouth. “You scream when I take this off or do anything that ain’t just talking, I’m sticking this thing right into your face.”

You didn’t move. You didn’t try and speak. So the knife cut the fabric off of you, falling to the ground as you steadied your breathing. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m alone.”

Touchy man leaned into you more, your head turning to the side to avoid it. “What you just love horses so much you got three of ‘em?”

There wasn’t a chance you’d tell the truth. You didn’t know how many men were here, or what they had planned. You didn’t even know exactly how far away Joel and Tommy had gotten, but you sure as hell weren’t about to put them up on the chopping block. “Those aren’t mine. Not much of a horseback rider.”

The men shared a look, before the touchy one stood up to full height once more. Seeming to speak to the other silently, the one with the knife waved it around as he spoke. “Look, we ain’t that stupid. There’s at least someone else ‘round here, two probably. Either you tell us where they are and what they got, or I go lookin’.”

Touchy knelt down to your height once more, this time his dirty finger just grazing your skin as it moved down your cheek. “And honey, it ain’t just gonna be bad for your pals out there, cus if they got nothing good then you’s all we got, and you can trust I’ll find a real good use for you.”

If anyone came close to your chest, they’d be able to hear the pounding fear of your heart racing, your eyes trying to glare as blatantly as possible, hoping it masked the chill of fear swimming through your body. Behind your back, your hands twitched desperately, scraping against what felt like a zip tie, searching for a way to loosen it even slightly. If you could pull against the plastic just enough, you could force your way out of its hold. You wanted to yell, just enough to maybe get Joel’s attention, but you were stuck. You were stuck and it was all due to your own stupidity. So you just twisted against the ties. You just hoped you could do it before they went beyond what you could come back from.

Joel had barely made it to the second floor before he felt that passing itch of paranoia. It was a sensation he had become accustomed to, but it never failed to hitch up his senses. Neither he or Tommy had found anything particularly suspicious so far, a decent haul of supplies sure, but nothing to send him on edge. Throwing glances over to Tommy, Joel made his way over to a window.

There was no sign of you making your way over at this point, he couldn’t even really see much in the way of movement in the next building. That itch flares up again, this time rising up from a tickle, finding a home in his shoulders. Time and time again, Joel has told himself he needs to let himself breathe. Not to always trust that his instincts are a verified threat, but there was something about you that threw that off.

It had been a long time since he held these kind of feelings in his heart. There had been people before, but it was never anything resembling a relationship. Not for quite a long time. You were different though, but honestly it was too soon for Joel to quite understand why.

You wormed your way under his armour and found the path to his heart. If he were more like his brother, maybe he’d be a little better about handling a relationship. Something had been bothering you, you’d been pretty quiet on the trip out here, and insisting you do some of the searching alone told him you needed a breather. So he let you go alone, he knew you were used to it.

Now though? As Joel stands at the window, waiting to see any sign of you coming his way, he starts to realise that letting you scour a building alone when you seemed to be distracted, might be a mistake. You could handle yourself, you had done so for years, but a wave of protectiveness splashes Joel anytime he was out here with you. No amount of skill you had would keep Joel’s desire to keep you safe from consuming him.

“Nice to see you’re still just as good with women now as you were back in the day.” Tommy teased. You were in a mood, and it seemed Joel hadn’t really picked up on its extent until you had already walked away.

Joel took in a deep breath, tearing his watchful gaze away from the view below long enough to send his brother a noticeably unimpressed look. “Yeah, and I’m sure if I ask Maria you’re always on top of things.”

Tommy’s chuckle followed his approaching steps. “Hey, my relationships have always lasted longer than yours.” Finding a place beside him, he looked down below at the stillness below.

“That’s just because you’re good at tricking them into staying with you.” Both men laughed before letting Joel’s unease fill the air. “It’s too quiet out there.” Tommy looked between the view and his brother. Waiting for him to continue. “She should’ve started making her way over here by now.”

Tommy nodded, he could feel something in his gut growing, similar to what Joel was letting take over. You should have been here by now, you didn’t linger like this, but he had to stand calm, keep that impulsive aggression in his brother from dominating his decisions. “What are you thinking?”

Joel’s hands flexed over the weapon in his hands, “I should go check on her. It’s taken too long, something’s wrong.”

“Want me to finish up in here, or you want backup?” Before Tommy could even get an answer, a door down below opened. From the back of the first building, the vague shape of a man made its way onto the gravel below, before facing the still open door, and making some kind of gesture to another person inside.

Joel and Tommy moved to the side, masking their presence at the window while they watched. It wasn’t the knife at their side that put them on alert, but the man inspecting the strap of the gun in his hand before tearing them off to hold it more comfortably. Weapons may not vary in appearance much, but Joel sure as hell knows exactly what you were carrying and that did not belong to this man.

Tommy leaned in to watch closer, “Vultures. Just a lowlife looking to take whatever they find off whoever they cross paths with. Probably no more than two or three of them.”

Joel watched the man skulk around the back of the alley, peeking into the window of the second building. Antsy, and almost looking a tad eager, and he understands, he’s looking for them. “They know she’s not alone.” His eyes track his every movement, seeing his head looking inside windows, then peeking at the horses as if to catch someone in the act. “They’re looking for who she’s here with. She doesn’t have enough on her alone, they want what we got.”

At the same time, both brothers head towards the stairs. Tommy knows exactly what Joel is afraid of, if they’re too late. “She’s probably being held by one of them until she gives us up or they find what they’re looking for.”

Reaching the door, Joel rests against the wall next to the door, “She won’t. Even if she wanted to talk, girl’s way too stubborn for her own good.”

Tommy makes a slow move to open the door, his voice lowering as the faint sounds of footsteps grow ever closer on the man's hunt for them. “You go out front, I’ll sneak in through the back and cover you.”

Joel nods, pressing his body up against the nearest wall and letting Tommy slowly headed to the side of the building in a more obvious view. The greasy man hadn’t even turned the corner before getting ambushed, seeing Tommy and raising his gun matching the one pointed at him.

Joel throws himself towards him, gripping the hand at the trigger, yanking it down to the ground as before wrapping his arms around his neck in an aggressive chokehold, giving Tommy the chance to get the weapon out of his hands.

It didn’t take much effort until he passed out in Joel’s hold, before being dropped onto the ground. Snatching the other weapons off of him, passing a few off to Tommy. The two brothers share a nod at the other before moving in their respective directions. Tommy headed back, quiet and steady, knowing he can sneak in unnoticed.

Joel making his way to the front, having no interest in keeping up any more level of stealth. These were immoral degenerates only interested in what they can gain from others. They’ll keep you alive for as long as they can get something from you, and Joel wasn’t going to let them take the only other thing they can from a woman they’ve already robbed.

These men were stupid, you realized. There were only two of them and one had walked out the back door to hunt double him. You just wish it was the touchy one who left. Being held at knifepoint would be easier to get around then one watching your every move, let alone raking his dark, sunken eyes over your form.

You could feel the skin on your hands ripping, the heat building up as blood begins to fall from the tears. Your eyes staying on his with a plotting anger, contrasting against his disgusting gaze. You just needed enough room to pry a single hand free of the restraints and you could go.

Realistically you were a bit out of touch with this kind of confrontation. You’re trip to Wyoming was a relatively silent one, and the months you’ve spent in Jackson have been nothing but entirely safe. It had been a while since you’ve been cornered like this, and even longer since you’ve found yourself in a vulnerable position due to your own sheer stupidity.

Maybe that helped fuel this deep anger, this frantic explosion of rage trapped within your chest just waiting to burst. Sure, these men clearly had been hiding out here and would have been found regardless, but at least you would have had 2 much larger and more intimidating companions as back up.

But no, you were uncomfortable, in pain, hot, and cranky and you wanted a moment alone. Hearing Joel almost suggest you should have stayed home just made that worse, like you had to prove you can still do things on your own.

So now you’re stuck leaning up against a wall, with your hands zip tied behind you as you pushed and pulled your way out. If you had any charm or charisma at all, maybe you would take advantage of the pervert’s wandering eyes, lure him over with soft sweet whispers and surprise him with a close attack. You’d seen happenings like it before, travelling with groups and watching the far prettier and leaner women with doe eyes manipulate those around them.

You didn’t have any of that. You simply had an angry drive to get out of something your own choices had gotten yourself into. With that drive, came a searing pull against your skin and the sudden snap of plastic.

Shifting your entire body as if to stand up straighter, the scuffle of your feet and creak of the boards below you hopefully masking the snap that felt so loud in your own ears. He still had all of your possessions, tossed aside too far out of reach. You could make a dash for it, but not only was he closer, but unlike his own partner, he had yet to show off what weapons he already had.

As if following your train of thought, he made a step towards your own stuff. A finger poking and tossing things aside before looking your way, “Your pals must not like you very much. Leaving you with a buncha junk and one gun.” Huffing to himself in a sort of condescending laugh he continues, “Maybe we’ll be doing you a favour, keeping you for ourselves.”

Don’t think about that, don’t even let what that may mean sink into your head. You had to focus, keeping him distracted was the only way to find an opportunity. “Doesn’t seem like you two have much worth while yourselves, why assume me or anyone else has something good to take?”

“Yeah, them horses look like they belong to a couple of barely scraping by folk.” His scoff was irritating, grating your eardrums. But it wasn’t the only sound you heard. A shuffling of something coming this way. It wasn’t his companion, the loud and uncaring stomp of his walk as he took off in hunt had no sense of awareness.

It wasn’t a long moment of suspense, front door wide open, no sound had yet alerted the man to someone walking in. You weren’t sure what Joel thought had happened, if he even knew of the other man looking for him, but there was a darkness in his eyes. A deep black that poured from his gaze into his entire being as he took in the sight.

Your belongings tossed aside, being fiddled with by a grimy tall figure, your body against a wall, hands behind your back, and if you guessed correctly, you assumed the stings and liquid on your face were likely bloody cuts from being thrown face first into an uneven dirty floor.

Part of you wished he wouldn’t, that he’d force you to get out of this yourself, prove that you could handle it alone, but Joel was protective, and nothing could simmer that. Gun raised in aim, his deep voice filled the air. “Pretty cowardly, tying a woman up after you’ve already taken her gun.”

The man almost slipped along the floor as he spun in place, finding a gun aimed in his direction from a man much stronger than him. “Women are wiley things, never can trust ‘em after they’ve been spooked.”

Not much of a well crafted self preservation instinct in this guy, considering he just keeps talking. “Side’s a like a bit of fight in ‘em, and she’s been looking at me like she eager to start one. You get what I’m saying buddy, big guy like you? Probably not keeping her for her face, but I’ll bet she gives you a good fight, right?”

Jesus, what kind of men are these guys used to meeting? He is either that confident that the man in front of him will agree, or he’s so incredibly stupid that reading the room isn’t a skill he has. Either way Joel takes more than a few steps forward, crowding into the already small space, an unmoving gaze trapped on the man. “Give me one goddamn reason I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

Turns out, the man had a pretty simple answer. From the hand that had sat close to his belt line, a swift move turned a pistol in your direction. At least you had been right not to jump him the second you slipped from the restraint, silver lining. Not that Joel was seeing it that way. His voice growling out, “You know, your partner is still out there. We left him alive.”

Another figure came into view, this one much slower and quieter than his brothers, crept into the faintest part of your vision. With a noticeable raise of Tommy’s own gun, the sound was loud enough to let you know of his presence.

The gangly creep seemed to sound offended and he looked back to Joel, “So what, you want a trade? I look like a fucking barter to you?”

Joel’s eyes narrowed in an almost terrifying malice, “An offer actually. You let her go, and maybe I won't kill you, but the second that gun goes off, I’m dragging your partner in here, and make you watch as I take my time tearing him apart in front of you, before dragging his own knife deep into your goddamn throat.”

An eyebrow raised up in challenge. His attention found a focus, no doubt used to threats being the kind of lowlife he was, but he said he liked a little fight in them. Clearly that didn’t just apply to women they tie up. “You really gonna stand there and tell me some bitch’s worth all that work?”

Whatever deeply aggressive and growling response Joel gave him was lost on you as you looked over to Tommy, watching carefully, an eye on the two men but also you. As your eyes meet, you cast your gaze downwards towards your hands furthest the view of the stand off. Lifting up just enough to show the zip ties, and then furthermore to show the clear snap holding them together. Stretching your fingers out slightly, mimicking a small grasping motion, before casting your gaze at the one holding you hostage.

You could hear Joel speaking, but not really knowing what was being said. You could only pay attention to the slight shifting of Tommys position, just enough to come within a close reach of you. Your captor standing closer than that, he stood just out of view, lifting a knife off of his person, a small one at that.

Your jerked your head in the slightest of movements you could afford without drawing attention. You needed Tommy within view, there was no way he could hand you anything or even pull you to him without being noticed. As he flipped the knife, slowly reaching it towards you from the blade’s edge, Tommy looked up behind you.

He and Joel were a similar kind of expressive, their eyes held a bountiful language of their own, one seemingly only the other brother could speak fluently. Watching him look behind you, you knew he was communicating something to Joel, something unknown, before turning back to you.

Your hands moved to the side together, reaching out to meet the handle, Tommy’s body crouching to keep as low of a viewpoint as possible, but it was fruitless. You wanted it to be. You needed to let your captor get you close enough. Wood met your fingers and you jerked it in your hand to keep the edge pointed down behind you, in the same instance your whole body was pulled into another.

Holding you against his side with a grip so tight, your skin already crying out in protest no doubt leaving a mark in its agony. The pistol once held mere feet from you, now rested against your skin, pushing slightly in on the cheek he held it to. “Fuckin’, she ain’t going nowhere, pal. You two gonna learn how to fucking negotiate.” Waves of nauseating rot hitting your senses, and overwhelming your eyes to fog up as if his smell could melt them. But the fog wasn’t enough to hide Joel from you.

You tried to look impassive, you really did. If you were a better person, maybe you could have maintained a calm and determined look at the man before you. But really, you felt guilt, suffocating guilt that overtook you as Joel looked at you. There was anger in him yes, but the guilt only swallowed you up more as you saw behind it. There was a desperation there, a real, tangible, terrified panic as he watched you unable to just take you in his arms and leave. And it was your fault. Your own immaturity led to this, and Joel deserved better.

You had once told Joel you could take care of yourself, that you had for a while, but now you felt small and stupid. What Joel was seeing wasn’t you taking care of yourself, it was a pathetic girl needing to be saved, someone who he couldn’t rely on. Maybe his panic could turn to relief, but the guilt was filling the air in your throat and constricting your lungs. The panic could also turn into shame, humiliation, a different kind of anger that you were not the capable brave women you tried to be.

Brown eyes met yours, a deep penetrating gaze that knocked you back in time. Early evenings, and quiet laughs with those same brown eyes looking at you in a way you didn’t understand. Speaking the language you couldn’t and filling you with a warmth that had never been there before. Now though, the gaze didn’t feel warm. You didn’t know what it felt other than the pounding of your heart echoing through your head. “I’d let you shoot me before I just watch you walk out with her.”

What you felt didn’t matter. Joel had enough damage on his heart, he had enough loss that threatened to tear him apart for too long. You needed to end this yourself, and you needed it to end now.

So your grip tightened on the blade, eyes casting upwards to the man no doubt looking to flaunt the upper hand he thinks he held. Just as his mouth opened, he was proven terribly wrong.

His reflexes weren’t quite as sharp as he boasted, no doubt assuming any attack would come from a gun, but your sudden movement had simply startled him instead. Your hand reaching around from behind, and finding the blade a new home in the soot covered throat of your putrid captor.

A forceful grunt from you faded into his own cry of agony. Only you pushed it further, muscles burning from strain you had long forgotten was necessary. Knife sliding deeper into his neck as the edge of it was pushed across the skin to carve a wider slice.

Blood blocked your vision. Your face, your arm, torso, all freshly splashed with a disgusting red, as the sounds in your ear turned garbled and inhuman. Feral like a screeching animal, only to stop just as quick as it started.

Letting go of your attack, you felt yourself falling backwards, only for your back to be met with a softer surface than the wall or floor, and you felt consumed by the force pulling you away from the violence. You could only watch as the man fell to the floor with an aggressive thump, only to be approached by another and have the fallen pistol kicked away from its once owner.

It took you a moment to come back, to realise Tommy had pulled you away and into his hold for safety, as Joel kicked the gun away and seemed to be making sure he was dead. Tommy’s grip on you loosened, but his hands remained, one on a bicep keeping more of a steadying hold, the other found itself on your shoulder. A comforting gesture in a small sensation as Joel finally disarmed himself and turned to you.

Teeth and jaw matched both tense and gritting, as the pantings breaths of adrenaline lowered in his chest. This was it. Joel looking at you in a language you never spoke, and the anxiety but expected anticipation of never having a chance to learn it again, threatening to overpower you. You made a mistake, and it almost cost you your life and however little Joel wanted to do with you now was entirely yours to blame.

Taking mere steps towards you, Joel seemed to encompass your whole vision. Expecting him to stop and yell at you, only to find your body being torn from the comforting arms of a friend into the desperate needing arms of the other.

Tommy had taken a respectful step back and given his brother the space he deserved. Joel wasted no time on that chance, and flew into you. Large, rough hands finding both sides of your face and pulling you up and into a dominating kiss. Part of you didn’t understand, but most of you didn’t care. Your hands reaching up to grasp his neck, holding on like a cliff’s edge, one of his own trailing down the path of your hand and grasping one of yours and holding it tight.

Before the force of his lips could take away what little breath you had let, he parts from you to tilt his forehead down onto your own. The hand still on the side of your face readjusts, holding tighter yet not meaner. Holding onto your face as if it was the only thing keeping him from falling into the abyss as your hands on his neck was for you.

Barely a whisper, more of a small muttered prayer, “I’ve got you. I got you.” Joel’s eyes opened just enough to watch you try to say sorry, wide eyes panicked with shame, but he refused it. Once again using both hands to tilt your head down slightly, letting his soft lips kiss your forehead, attempting to soothe whatever was inside before making you look up at him, at his shining wide brown eyes filled without any of the resentment you feared. Just softness to match this voice. “I’m proud of you, baby. You did so good.”

Were you both panting from the exhaustion of terror, or from the fast and rough kiss his gifted to you? You weren’t sure, but all you could do was drift your hands down his collar onto his chest. Shaking your head just slightly, “You shouldn’t be. This was all my fault.”

Shaking his head, Joel tried to speak but you didn’t let him. “It was. I was distracted and stupid. If I just paid attention, or just stuck to the original plan I wouldn’t have been caught off guard. I fucked up. You shouldn’t be proud of me, you should be pissed.”

The hesitation in his face only made this sickness in you feel worse, even more so as he firmly says your name, "What you did was defend yourself, why the fuck should I be mad at you for that?"

Your hands slowly shifted upwards, grasping Joel’s own and pulling them down from your person to his sides before letting go of him entirely. “All I did was fix the mistake I made that put all of us in danger. Don’t coddle me for that.”

This life you’ve grown into has never once granted you reprieve from any mistake you’ve made before. The world always found a way to punish you, give you your comeuppance for the times you’ve screwed everything up. Easy forgiveness, just being able to push what you did behind you wasn’t normal for you, it was simply how you grew up.

Joel took in your unease, eyes looking towards the outdoors, with a view of Tommy busy hiking things up onto one of the horses before turning back to you. “Listen,” his hands finding a resting home on his hips, features on his face twisting to resemble much more of the frustrated glare you had once been so used to. “You didn’t waltz in here, throw your gun on the ground and purposely ignore everything around you. You’re not some dipshit who doesn’t know any better. So I’m not going to stand here and yell at you like you’re one.”

Taking a deep breath, one hand runs down the length of his face as he turns away from you. Only a few paces made before he pivots to look back at you, gesturing towards you. “Do you know how fucking terrifed I was when he had a gun pointing at you? How fucking angry I was having to stand there, watching those grimey hands pull you into him pointing that thing right at your head? Listening to him run his mouth about all the vile shit he very clearly had planned for you.”

Were you able to hear it, the aggressive pounding in Joel’s heart matched your own. “All of that was because of me. I don’t want you to just let me off the hook just because of,” Pausing, not knowing how to put it, or really how to say it diplomatically or even accurately. “Just because of this… between us.” Finger vaguely gesturing the empty air from you to him, shoulders sitting locked and tense.

Anger had thinned out to a quiet uncertainty. Whatever adrenaline coursing through your veins had dissipated completely, leaving only the intimidating anxiety you had felt before. Footsteps echoed loudly in your ears as Joel approached you, as if they were screaming with each step.

Part of Joel had concern written on him, as he looked into you for something specific to search for, until it began to wash away. Flushed out and leaving a far darker and glint in his eyes. There was intent there, and something..well something that you still were getting used to being directed your way.

It was as if something in his head clicked. Like Joel somehow switched gears, and he realized that his intent towards calming you down needed a different approach. And he found one.

“Oh I’m not letting you off the hook.” As his broad figure invaded most of your space, you had to turn your neck up to meet his eyes, and the darker unknown flashing in them was much clearer now. “You don’t get to scare me like that and get off scot free.”

There it was. Your lips parting as it all clicks together, the same sensation finding its way from the realisation in your brain, swimming down to find a place alighting your nerves. Your hands, your senses, and finally sparking a steadily increasing heat between your legs. That unknown in Joel’s eyes was desire, and by the upturned corners of his mouth, you were sure he found the same in yourself. Joel was simply better at recognizing it in you, then you were in him.

You looked over to the open entrance, only having a view long enough to see the tail end of Tommy’s horse being led away. In a less clouded and muddy brain, you would have simply recognized that he was moving it closer to make packing supplies easier on his own. You later would find a deep embarrassment that he had very purposely walked away from the building on his own. But your attention was short lived, being brought back to Joel’s with a hand grasping your chin and tugging it to meet your eyes with his.

���You don’t want me to coddle you? Fine.” His fingers pulling you right up into his own personal space, close enough to feel the air on your skin as he spoke, deep and quiet. “How about I show you just how livid I am that you put yourself in a positon where that perverted fuck was ready to put his hands all over you.”

Another hand of his tightly grasped at your hip suddenly, pushing you backwards towards the wall behind you. Your eyes cast briefly to watch as the view of the open door closed off as you were backed into an alcove. Shoved finally against the wall with a force strong enough to jolt your body, Joel’s grip on your chin tightened once more as he pulled your lips just before meeting his own.

“Is it punishment you want, sweet girl?” His lips grazed yours with each word, causing the heat between your legs to feel unbearable.

This..was new. You should be angry, upset, traumatized, and Joel shouldn't be looking at you the way he does, alone together when the sun goes down. Somehow, your brain was confusing this panic and adrenaline with arousal, but it also seemed to consume whatever Joel felt as well.

So you nodded, barely whispering a please before Joel kisses you. His body crowding you against the wall with no space to move, the hand on your chin moving down to find a firm hold of your throat. Not tight, not hurting, just enough to tell you that he was in charge.

You don’t think you will ever get used to how utterly soft Joel’s lips are. His stark and harsh sitting features don’t give any hint to the gentle plush softness hiding in plain sight. A plump pouty mouth moving against yours, so demanding and dominating you have no choice but to simply follow along.

Raising your hands up, hoping to find a home around his neck, needing to scratch the itch of tangling your fingers in the soft curls of his hair. Joel doesn’t give you a chance though, the second your hands touch his neck, both of his shoot out and snatch your wrists. Holding them in the air between the two of you, Joel keeps his lips brushed against yours.

“Now, isn’t this a punishment sweetheart?” Eyes shut, you couldn’t see it, but you could feel it. His smile he holds against you, borderlines on a smirk when you try to reach his lips once more for a proper kiss again. “If you want to be taught a lesson for what you did, then you don’t get to just touch me the way you want.”

Moving a step back, giving you space, Joel lets your hands down gently, only letting you go right as your arms are back down the entire way. “Turn around for me, okay?”

Joel’s hands find a soft, barely there touch against your hips helping coax you around into the wall. Once you’re facing the wall, Joel’s hands find yours once again, gently bringing them up to sit flat against the wall. “Keep these right here.”

You give him a nod before shutting your eyes, letting your mind focus solely on his touch. The hot air of his breath hitting your neck before tracing down to your collar with his lips. Feather-like presses of Joel’s lips felt like a hit of electricity, and each zap pulling a gasp closer and closer to leaving you.

You mindlessly cast your eyes to the side, only to be met with a wooden blocked view. You don’t know how visible Joel is from the outdoors, but your head is filled with a lightness anyways. A rush flowing through you, a thrill of being found, of being caught. This was also new, this arousal of being just barely hidden from view. A lot of things were new for you since Joel, some of which are new between both of you, most of which are new for you.

It seemed ironic, minutes ago you had shoved a knife into a man's throat, and yet it’s being pressed up against a wall, Joel’s hands flowing up and down your body, lips marking up and down your neck, the threat of his brother walking in at any moment that gets your blood racing.

The gruff husk of his voice purrs in your ears, “I’m not going to tie you up, baby. But if you move them down, or try to touch me or your own body,” One hand hovers above you only to come down and smack your ass. “Then I punish you more. Okay?”

When you don't immediately respond, his head turns slightly into the groove of your neck, his nose nudging into the softness from your cheek. “Sweetheart-”

Your body moving back, desperate to fit your back up against Joel’s chest. Leaning your head back into his own shoulder blade, fitting together like missing puzzle pieces. Straining yourself just enough to peek at his own gaze. “Okay. I understand.”

Confirmation was all he needed. You knew all Joel needed to hear was you being okay with this, as the abrupt shift in behaviour happens so fast it leaves you dizzy. The soft scrape of facial hair, the gentle push of his nose, and sweet lulling whispers leave you entirely, replaced by rough handling.

Joel’s body pressed tightly against your back, and his hands jerking in front of you to undo your pants with no gentle working up. His presence looms over you as he loosens you up just enough to find home for his hands to slide within. One sliding the fabric down just enough to grip the seam of underwear, tugging at it upwards just enough to hold it in his grip while his fingers dig into the meat of your hip, nails pressing in sharper and sharper with each passing second.

The other is ruthless. Joel slinks his fingers down right to your clit, pressing down on the bundle of nerves with the pads of two fingers before grasping it in a hold. Finally the air in your throat flies out, high and wanting and far too loud.

The transgression is given no reprieve, as Joel’s hand releases your clit onto to use what small tight space he has, to slap it. The resounding slap of skin muffled by fabric and layers, but to your own ears, echoes throughout. Another smack to your clit as your body tense up, winding your insides like a stringed instrument about to peak too far.

“First rule about survival, is how to,” a smack, “stay” another smack, “quiet.” The final smack follows a soothing rub of his fingers against your clit almost to soothe it. The dry rubbing from just his fingers, almost stings in a foreign kind of way. The wetness soaking you just below his reach feeling so needy at the raw burn, but also leaving you wanting more of the pain.

As if the mixture of pleasure and a sting of pain was what you needed. You didn’t know what you needed, your entire view on your own physical desires left entirely in Joel’s control. Your teeth came down to bite against your tongue, keeping yourself silent.

Joel’s fingers rub against you, each pass winding that string tighter and tighter as your fingers curl into fists. The cutting of his fingers in your hip slide up, pressing and grasping each patch of skin he passes, a desperate needing hold distracts him for a moment as his hand passes up your tits.

Finally he reunites his grasp on your neck, Joel’s lips only making a short caress over the skin before his teeth bite down. The scruff on his jaw and moustache burn against you as his teeth mark your neck up and down. His mouth almost moving in tandem to his holding on your clit.

It builds and builds, the white hot core making its way to the surface. The whine and need slipping through your purposeful silence. “You close, sweetheart?” Your head nods, biting down harder to keep your silence, “Yeah? Are you gonna cum for me?”

Your lean back, and Joel presses into you in return. He feels it, Joel knows you, knows what you need, but he does it anyways. Pulls his hand from you entirely only to slap his hand over his mouth covering the cries he knows you were about to let out.

“See if you just behaved, I would have let you cum. I’d sink my fingers into your tight little cunt, and let you cum as many times as you wanted.” The hands on your mouth and neck, respectively, join as they yank down your pants only just far enough to give him access to your ass.

Hands grasping and pulling your cheeks, unable to control himself and slapping more than enough that you know you'll be red with the large imprint of his hands, each slap harder than the last. “But you didn't, did you? And now?” A tsk leaves him, “You’re just going to have to wait, sweet girl.”

As his hands leave you, he doesn't abandon you as his mouth leans in. Starting by soothing the red bites he left in his wake, and a kiss finding its way onto your cheek. All you can hear is the clinking of Joel’s belt being open. You feel the edges of the leather as it opens up, loosening, his hands pulling himself out just enough that you don’t even get the reprieve of his bare skin on yours.

Part of you knows you’re ready, your own underwear soaking through enough that if you’re left on your own much longer, it’ll drive you crazy. There’s some part of you that has your nerves set alight. Anytime you have sex with Joel part of you always feels a sense of anxiousness, he’s so much more. He’s broad, and large and the months you’ve been together is hardly enough time compared to the decades of experience he has over you, it keeps you on edge a bit.

“Come here, sweet girl.” Joel’s hands bend you just slightly, arm around your waist pulling your ass to his own hips, and you feel the drag of his cock against your cheeks. You push back against him, pushing a groan from Joel has his cock now rub against you deliciously.

All you can do is plead, “please," his cock slips between your legs, his own hand guiding his cock to rub against you, prodding just inside before sliding back and forth.

You utter his name, it’s all you can get out. Joel slips inside you, just enough to let a moan creep out before thrusting himself to fill your cunt completely. The arm wrapped around your torso pulls you into him, as if the closer your own body the deeper he can push inside you, a groan growls behind you “That’s my good girl, let me fill you up.”

You were right. Part of you would never quite get used to Joel’s intensity and size, he begins pushing his cock in and out of you. Shallow thrusts deep inside you, but quick and pounding. The sight of your ass jiggling against the force of his hips drives him crazy.

Joel moves a hand to grip against your hip and pull you back onto him, each drag of his cock hitting the sweet spot only he has ever known. A pounding with little mercy and the groans singing in your ears harmonising with the hardley held back moans he pulls from you.

The arm wrapped around you shifts back down and rubs urgent circles into your clit once more. It’s obscene, the way Joel teases his fingers past you just long enough to feel his cock, soaked and sliding harshly in and out of your own warm cunt. Only your squirm of desperation pulls him back to stroke your clit in tandem with each push of his cock inside you, now with your own wetness to push you over the edge.

“You want to cum, don’t you?” Joel slows his thrusts, but pushes into you so much harder. The quick smack making way to loud slaps that sound so loud it almost completely overtakes the moans you are crying. You nod, your head leaning back into his shoulder blade. “How close are you, sweet girl? Almost there? Going to soak my cock like a good girl?”

He watches you stretch your fingers against the wall, arms trembling trying to struggle not to reach back and touch his neck, feel his dark curls beneath your fingers. The whine slipping from your mouth brings a smirk onto Joel’s face.

Joel’s cock slides in your cunt fast, faster than before, rushing you towards your end as his deep voice keeps talking. “I’ll fill you up, sweet girl. Fill this hot little cunt full of my cum, okay? Then I’ll give you what you want.”

“Anything, anything you want, Joel please.” You feel Joel’s entire body lean into yours. Head tucked right into yours, chest and hips pressed tightly into your back.

It rose and rose, your orgasm ripping at the seams demanding to be released, until it was at your door. Joel’s cock loses all rhythm, his own groans turning into a higher pitched moaning and just as you start to clench around him he moves his hand.

Abandons your clit and uses the free hand to bring your neck to his mouth to bite down and hide the undeniable moans as he finally cums. You feel him spill inside you, his warm cum being kept inside you as he pushes his cock deeper and deeper again until he has nothing left to give.

Then it all stops. He cock slows as his deep breaths pant into your neck, his hands finally soothing over top of any skin he can touch as he brings himself down. You are stuck in place, your orgasm crawling away from you, leaving you feel an ache between your legs and the stinging pleasure on your clit fade.

“I- Joel…you,” What do you say, you feel so utterly lost. “You said..” Joel’s pants increase, only you realise it’s not really that, it’s laughter. Turning his face into your neck enough to give a kiss.

Moving to remove his cock from your heat, you almost cry at how empty it leaves you. Joel only gave you a teasing reminder of his words. “I said I’d let you cum, not when, sweetheart.” Pulling your own pants back up, he taps at your hips and finally backs off of you to fix himself back up.

Spinning to lean up against the wall facing him finally, the man has the audacity to smirk. Walking towards him, shaking your head almost laughing at the condescending smile he has towards ripping your own release from you.

He meets you halfway, holding you by your shoulders leaning into your face with a small voice, “You be a good girl on the way back home, and I’ll make you cum so many times you’ll be begging me to stop.” His hand nudges at your chin, bringing you in for a soft peck.

You hold his waist still right when he shifts to walk away, “Joel, wait…before we.. about what happened-”

Joel’s hand stays on your chin, while his other encompasses the side of your face. “Don’t ever scare me like that again. Next time, just talk to me, okay?”

Foreheads touch as you lean into his, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I just wanted a minute to myself but..I just fucked up. I fucked up and it was so fucking stupid of me.”

Joel nods against your forehead. Part of him should be mad, but the other part of him has softened. Getting mad at you for something you’re beating yourself up over won’t help. Or maybe he’s just soft for you in particular leaving him unable to summon the ability to feel anything but relief, either way he pulls you into a hug just the same.

“Next time, you’re staying with me, got it?” You nod against his chest and that’s enough. “Let’s go, we take any longer and Tommy’s gonna storm in asking if we got lost.”

Sun shining bright outside, you rejoin Tommy standing casually by the horses arms crossed. Joel’s hand on your lower back, pushes you forward as Tommy comes to put a comforting hand on your cheek muttering your name, “You okay?”

Nodding but giving him a smile, Tommy seems to understand what Joel also thinks. You'll beat yourself up about this enough, neither of them lecturing you like you didn't know any better won't change what happened.

You step away from both, recognizing the look on his face as soon as both brothers turn their attention to the other. Tommy’s face twisting around, eyebrows raising high with a mocking tone to match, “That was quick, stamina not quite what it used to be, old timer?”

You don’t see it, but you can absolutely imagine the flat but irritated glare likely plastered all over Joel's face, probably pointing at him with a childish threat of hitting his brother. “Yeah yeah, and Maria has nothing but good things to say about yours, right?”

The three of you pack up the horses to go, the sun beating down on you as it begins to move across the sky into late afternoon. Before you have a chance to climb back up on the very thing that set off your entire mistaken chain of events, a pair of arms grabs you and pulls you up to a horse definitely not yours.

Joel chuckles as he brings you up onto his own horse, pointing at you to stay before he moves to lure your horse into walking alongside his own's gait. “You’re staying with me, sweetheart. I told you.” A small smile on his face as yours almost laughs.

Tommy hops onto his as Joel climbs up behind you, grabbing the reins from in front of you and leaning into your body once more, only this time, you feel a warm comfort from his body instead of an anxious arousal. The pair of you turning to rest your heads against each other for one peaceful moment.

“I’ll head up front, make sure the path is clear. Don’t fall behind, grandpa.” You don’t see Joel’s response but you assume it’s just as mature as their earlier interactions as you hear Tommys laugh out loud permeating the air then fading into the distance along with horse trotting.

Joel’s own deep tone brings you back calling your name, “You ready to go home?”

All you can do is nod at first. "Listen, what I was even upset about before, it was stupid. This was all just because I was being stupid. You deserve better than that." Joel shook his head, before simply leaning down to catch your gaze just enough to meet his soft lips in one last kiss. That's all you either of you need for now.

Breaking the seal of his lips on yours, Joel stays right against you brushing against them. “Don’t worry, There’s still plenty of punishment once I get you into bed tonight. This isn’t over yet.”

Joel kisses you one last time, smiling at the obvious flustered look you give, before he finally starts following Tommy on the journey home. You and Joel were a complicated pair, things between you don’t always make sense and you’re not quite on the same level yet as much as normal partners should be.

But you and Joel weren't normal, and neither was the world around you. So for right now, you both still were figuring out how to match the other the way you both knew could. That would take you a little time, but you and Joel had all the time in the world to find that harmony.

[atlasofthestaars]

[MK X READER] New Era - Chapter .005

first part | previous part | next part

NOTE: Sorry Johnny fans </3 I promise he’s getting more content in the next chapter (he still has a little crumb in this chapter to set up for next chapter, don't worry!)

Rejoice for Kenshi fans though because he FINALLY gets some spotlight here.

This should be the longest chapter so far, over 7k words! Enjoy!

Also! It’s time for yet another poll! As usual, AO3 people please let me know your thoughts on Rain! As usual, thoughts and such will be taken for about a week after this is published, AKA when the tumblr poll ends.

FROM THE EYES OF ONE WHO PREPARES SOME PLANS

It’s now been about two weeks since you’ve started to train the four, but you’ve already seen great improvement.

“Keep your balance Kung Lao! Don’t lean too far forward.” You corrected as you watched the man spar with Johnny Cage, keeping a careful eye on their technique. You crossed your arms as you scrutinized the two men, trying to keep track of the flaws they each exhibited. “Johnny, stop trying to look flashy! Technique first, please.”

You watched as the men tried to implement what you told them…one of them better than the other. You sighed as you watched Johnny Cage try to go for a risky kick which allowed Kung Lao to duck under it and quickly sweep the actor off his feet. 

“Good job, you two.” You praised as you saw Johnny Cage yield, hands help up in surrender from his position on the ground. Johnny Cage sighed as he got himself up, dusting himself off. You watched as Kung Lao shone with pride as he walked off to the side to join the rest of you. “Raiden, Kenshi, if you please.” You instructed, gesturing for the two to fight.

You watched them begin to spar, yet your mind drifted off slightly, thinking back to the progress the group has made.

From your experience, you noticed that Kung Lao and Raiden were the stand out pupils. Kung Lao was naturally gifted, and you recognized the marks of good training Madam Bo had implemented into him. He took criticism well, which was a slight surprise to you due to the self-confident attitude he had. 

Raiden, although not as quick to catch on, was rather determined and put in far more hours than the others. Not to mention, he was rather perceptive to the tips you gave him. You had a soft spot for him, which you supposed was a bit unfair since you spent a lot of time training him in the middle of the night.

Much like how you had your daily ritual with mornings with Liu Kang, now you had a daily plan to train Raiden at night. It just happened naturally. You, with your restlessness, and Raiden’s overeagerness to train, it was just a natural occurrence after that night.

You felt slightly guilty that it could be considered that you were showing some bias towards the man, but then again, if the others ever approached you it’s not like you would turn them down. 

You snapped back to reality as you continued to watch the two spar. You watched silently as the duo fought, only really speaking to give criticisms here and there. Ultimately, you watched as Kenshi came out on top. You surmised his experience in the Yakuza was still giving him some leverage over the farmer boy. 

You wondered just how long that would last. 

“You’re all dismissed.” You informed them. As usual, they dispersed. All, except for one. You blinked as you turned your head to look at Kung Lao who had taken off his hat and looked wistfully at him. You observed for a few more moments, before walking over. “What are you thinking about?” You inquired as you walked over to his side.

“I have an…idea.” Kung Lao said as he tilted his hat, the same hat he had thrown at Sub Zero during the exam. You raised an eyebrow, having a feeling on where this was leading. You hummed in acknowledgement, gesturing for him to go on. “I was thinking I could turn my hat into a razor, lethal bladed weapon.”

“I can see the vision.” You encouraged him, the little voice in your head, for once, agreeing with you to send him down this path. You had a feeling, from watching him, that he had been missing something from his fighting style. You watched with a bit of pride as Kung Lao beamed at you. “Care to elaborate?”

“Well, I was planning on basing it on a chakram.” He explained, tracing the edge of the hat as if to indicate where the blade would go. You nodded, having a memory of the hat he used to have. You wondered if he had always made his own hat previously, or if it was something passed down to him. “Maybe I could even add some additional blades to the hat to make it more effective.”

“Hmm…” You held out your hand, and he handed his hat to you. You traced the edge of the hat, making a mental note of it. “Have you trained at all with any sort of throwing weapons?” You inquired, looking up from the hat to look at Kung Lao with a raised eyebrow. 

“No.” He admitted, but his lack of inexperience didn’t seem to deter him. You watched as he looked down to his hands, clenching and unclenching them. “But when I threw my hat at Sub Zero and then threw that chakram, it felt…right.” 

“Do you know of anyone who can help you achieve this goal? Any blacksmiths?” You continued to ask. You watched as Kung Lao gave you an awkward smile coupled with a shrug. You raised an eyebrow at him, slightly entertained by his enthusiasm despite his incomplete plan. “Do you have another hat?” You watched him pause. 

“I do, why?” You held back a chuckle as you carefully took the hat into your hands.

“I hope you weren’t too attached to this one, then..” You said, watching as Kung Lao slowly processed your words. You grinned. “I’ll see if I can get some arrangements to get that idea come to life, plus I’ll talk to the monks about having you train on throwing weapons.” You told him, feeling good about yourself as you saw the enthusiasm grow within the man.

“I will!” The man said, bowing excitedly as he said your name. “I promise I will not let your efforts go to waste.”

“Good. I expect a lot out of you, Kung Lao.” You said, and you noted with amusement as he seemed to glow at the high expectations. Still smiling you turned around and walked off, ideas buzzing in your head as you did. You hummed as you traced the edge of the hat, imagining how it would look in due time.

“I see you have Kung Lao’s hat with you.”

Looking over from your shoulder, you watched as Liu Kang approached you. He was on time, as usual. He had a smile on his face, yet there was a knowing look in his eye as he approached. You smiled at him as you held up the hat you had held in your hands. You had just been idly messing with it, flipping and twirling it around in your hands, thinking of how it would feel with more weight on it. 

“I do.” You said as you turned to present the hat to the fire god. He took it gingerly from your hands, inspecting it as you did before. “I actually have a request on his behalf.” You said as you leaned back on the railing, resting against it. “I was wondering if you knew any blacksmiths so we could create a blade on his hat.” You gestured to the edge of the hat. “He also thought of adding more blades, but I thought it’d be best to try and test it with one blade first.”

“I see your progress on training is boding well, then.” Liu Kang remarked as he inspected the hat. You nodded, smiling proudly. His fingers traced the edge of the hat, and you observed the expression on the fire god’s face. It was wistful, and in his eyes you could sense what seemed to be…nostalgia? 

What could possibly cause him to feel nostalgic?

“I can contact a blacksmith to get this arranged, but it will be a lengthy process.” He warned. “It may even take almost until the day of the champion test for this to fully come to fruition since we would have to go back and forth between prototypes and designs.”

“He seemed pretty enthused about the whole thing, I think the wait would be worth it.” You encouraged, nodding as you thought back to the bright smile the farmer boy had when you had encouraged the idea. “Plus…” You began, looking off to the side as you recalled the memories of Kung Lao in your previous life, and how he wielded a razor hat. “It feels like he has been missing something from his fighting style.”

“I see.” Liu Kang said, after staring at you with an unreadable look. You swallowed, wondering what that had all been about. Never once could you interpret that look he gave you, you just knew he always did it after vaguely referring to the memories you’ve gleaned. “I will help aid you, then. Do you have any of his designs to give for reference?”

“Ah, I forgot to ask.” You muttered, smacking your head. “I’ll go ask for them the next time I see them.” You said, sighing. You were planning on taking a few days break from training the men. You had not had a break in a bit, and you remembered Madam Bo reprimanding that you do so when you had last asked her for advice on training the men.

“Just remember my lessons.” She had told you. “You were a good student and will be a good teacher, but you will become a poor one if you do not rest. Don’t forget all those times I caught you training in the middle of the night.” The old lady had then given you a pointed look, one that seared into your memory. 

You were suddenly thankful in that moment that you had not mentioned how you had also been assisting Raiden by mentoring him at night.

Maybe you should also tell him to take this same advice.

You were planning on going to the Lin Kuei temple to ask Smoke for a favor, you supposed that you could always drop by the Wu Shi before you went. You contemplated your schedule, crossing your arms. You didn’t realize how obvious your planning face must have been until you saw the concerned look on Liu Kang’s face towards you.

“Is there something wrong, Liu Kang?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Are you certain you are not overworking yourself?” Liu Kang said, and you heard especially how concerned he must have been as he said your name. You blinked before waving your hand dismissively. “I am serious, I know you have been up late training Raiden.” You were stunned for a moment.

“How did you-” You began, before realization washed over you. “Right, God of fire.” You muttered, sighing. He nodded, and you felt slight guilt as the man continued to look at you. “I’m fine, I go there because I can’t sleep anyways, and it allows me to still be productive.” You said, shrugging.

“I’ll take you on your word.” Liu Kang replied, but you sensed the slight hesitancy in his voice. You couldn’t help but wonder why he was looking at you with such worry. Well, you actually knew, but you didn't want to think about...that. Even as his face shifted into one meant to comfort you, you could still see a glimmer of concern within his glowing eyes. “But just know you can always confide in me if you have any worries.”

“I appreciate it, Liu Kang.” You said, feeling a mixture of comfort and guilt. Comfort in knowing that the protector of Earthrealm cared about you in a sincere way, but guilt at knowing that you had been avoiding doing so despite knowing this. 

“If you ever need more time for a break, just let me know.” Liu Kang insisted, his hands now idly turning the hat. The way his hands moved the hat seemed almost like second nature. “You may be in charge of Earthrealm’s champions, but you are first and foremost, a dear friend to me.”

You felt warmth in your heart.

“Alright, I will.”

“Thank you for letting me pick these up on such short notice.” You said, walking down the hallways of the Wu Shi with Kung Lao, the papers full of the design ideas for his hat in your hands. It was early morning, and you were thankful that Kung Lao was an early riser due to his past as a farmhand. You noted with amusement how the hat he donned now was an exact replica of the hat you took.

“Of course, anything for the one helping me achieve my razor hat dreams.” Kung Lao replied, a joyful note in his tone as he walked by your side, seeming all too pleased. “I’m a bit surprised you arrived early today, I thought the monks said you were taking a bit of a break?”

“I am.” You confirmed, folding the papers to make sure that you could carry them carefully in your hands. “But I have plans to visit the Lin Kuei today, so I wanted to make sure to get these first since I’m already heading out today.” You told him, sighing as you remembered where the Lin Kuei was located. 

In the snow.

“The Lin Kuei?” Kung Lao questioned, raising his eyebrows curiously. A small smile appeared on his face as he chuckled. He crossed his arms, a common habit of his. “You’ll have to thank Bi-Han for me for inspiring my hat while you’re there.” 

“I think it would be better suited to thank him yourself.” You told him, imagining the unimpressed look on Bi-Han’s face already. “Maybe you can thank him and show it off once you get it, that’d leave a lasting impression on him. I doubt he’d think much of it if I were just to say it for you.” You suggested, glancing over to the farmer. 

“That is a brilliant idea!” The man said, an enthusiastic gleam in his eye. You matched the wide grin on his face. If there was anything you’ve learned from teaching this group, their enthusiasm and smiles were infectious. “I’ll do just that when I see him next.”

“Good, in the meantime, I expect you to keep up with the training the monks are giving you, especially the ones focused on throwing weapons.” You said, your teaching side shining through once more. “It would be a waste to create such a hat only for you to not be able to wield it properly.”

“I will.” Kung Lao promised, your name rolling off his tongue easily. “I will not let you down.”

“I’m sure you won’t.” You said, bidding him farewell. You watched as he walked away, only to be distracted by a familiar figure out in the courtyard. It only made sense that both of the farmers would be early risers. You sighed as you walked over, crossing your arms as you snuck up on him.

“Already training, Raiden?” You inquired, making the man jump. You held back a chuckle, remembering the same way he had jumped when you had first encountered him training by himself. You watched as he quickly bowed to you, and you returned the gesture. 

“I am, there’s been a combination I’ve had trouble with.” The man replied, gesturing to the dummy. He looked at you for a moment before his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I thought the monks said you’re on break for a few days?”

“I am, I just came to pick up some papers.” You informed him, waving around the folded sheets of paper in your hands. You watched as the farmer eyed it curiously, eyebrows rising. “I wasn’t expecting to see you so up and early training already.” You said, furrowing your own eyebrows as you frowned. “You know, there’s a thing called over training.”

You knew if Madam Bo were here, you knew she’d scold you for not practicing what you preached.

“I know, but I have been struggling and…” 

“And the body needs rest.” You cut Raiden off, feeling a bit guilty for doing so, but you needed him to understand the importance of rest. You held up a hand, making sure he got the memo. “Go back inside and rest until the monks train you.” You instructed, putting on your stern tone. 

“Alright.” Raiden said, dipping his head in an almost guilty manner. You felt a twinge of guilt, but you knew it was better for him to learn this lesson now, rather than later. 

“Good. And I expect you to not overwork yourself either while I’m gone.” You continued, sending him a soft smile, trying to cheer him up. “So no practicing at night until I’m back, okay?” You saw him open his mouth to protest, and you sent him a small glare. “Consider it an assignment, okay?”

“I will do my best to honor this agreement.” Raiden said, nodding. You smiled, looking at his face and nodded in approval. “I will rest now.” You watched as he turned to leave, before hesitating and looking back with a shy smile. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Any time, Raiden.”

“You been giving the farmer boys special treatment?”

You turned, the smile dropping off your face as an eyebrow raised to look at Johnny Cage. He looked less composed than the other two, but nevertheless still awake. He probably just woke up. He strode over as he pointed to the papers in your hands and towards where the Raiden had gone.

“Just saw you with Kung Lao with those papers, then you were talking with Raiden.” The actor paused, his face turning into a thoughtful one as he scratched his cheek. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on break?” He asked the question everyone seemed to be asking you today. 

“Important papers.” You explained, holding up the folded up pieces of paper. “And I was just telling Raiden to take a break, he’s always working. As for the break, yes, but I needed to pick up these papers before I left.”

“Huh, that makes sense.” Johnny conceded, nodding thoughtfully before shrugging. “So when are you going to spend extra time helping me?” He asked, sending you a playful grin. “Still need your word that you’ll take a part in one of my movies.” 

“We can discuss that after my break.” You told him, letting out a small chuckle. You weren’t certain if you were going to go help Johnny with his movies yet, but you were still curious on what Johnny was going to try and say to convince you. “You look like you need some food, go eat.” You encouraged, gesturing to the dining hall. “I need to get going.”

“Alright, I’ll keep you on your word. See you, teach!”

What an interesting nickname.

The Lin Kuei temple was located in a cold region.

It made sense since the grandmaster’s family had long trained in cyromancy, but that did not make you resent the constant snowstorms any less.

You trekked on, donned the form of a snow leopard so the cold would not freeze you to death. Not to mention, travel felt much faster in this form due to the snow that lay upon the land. The wind tried to batter you around, but you stayed resilient.

You often told yourself you would visit more often if the walk out was not as irritating. 

Reaching the temple, you strode up to the gates. The Lin Kuei guards peered at you curiously, and gracefully you took a step, transforming back into your usual form. You allowed the coat of the leopard to remain on your exposed skin on your arms and legs to battle the cold since you were still outside. How these guards could bear being out here in the cold for so long, you could never understand.

“I’m here to see the grandmaster.” You told them, your breath coming out in icy puffs. It was partially true, but they did not need to know that. You let out a sigh as you grew out a collar of fur to bury your face in. It was only a few mere moments, but you could tell your face must be flushed from the cold.

It didn’t take long for the guards to recognize you, and you nodded to them gratefully as they let you in. 

Once inside, you let out a breath of relief as the much warmer air inside welcomed you. You transformed fully back, the fur on your skin no longer necessary. You shook off the last bits of snow, huffing as you tried to prevent it from soaking in your clothes. You looked down to brush off any remaining bits of the powdery snow that had gotten on you.

“I was not aware you were going to visit.” A voice spoke, and you glanced up to see Kuai Liang approaching, a faint look of surprise on his face. You smiled at him, glad to see the younger brother during your visit.

“It was a bit compulsive.” You explained, rubbing your cheeks to return your flushed face to normal. You watched as Kuai Liang looked you up and down, probably to see if any remaining snow remained on you. “Am I not a welcome visitor?” You teased, holding back a soft laugh.

“You are always welcome here.” Scorpion replied a bit more seriously despite the teasing tone, a warm note in his voice. You took a moment to recover from his sincerity. “Were you here just to visit, or do you have business here?” 

“As much as I would like to say I’m here purely for pleasure, I do have some favors to ask of your brothers.” You informed him, placing a hand on your hip. “But afterwards, I am welcome to stick around before I depart, I just want to get my business done first.”

“That would be pleasant.” The yellow clad ninja agreed. He paused for a moment before gesturing to the hallways. “Would you like me to accompany you to find Tomas? Or to brother’s office?” He offered, and you hummed in deliberation. 

“If you could accompany me to Bi-Han’s office first, that’d be preferable.” You requested, deciding to tackle the conversation with the grandmaster first. A sense of uncertainty hit you, remembering the unresolved matter you two had never discussed. Your hands fidgeted with each other as you thought, reflecting your nerves.

You hadn’t gone out of your way to talk with him about it, and Bi-Han seemed to always sweep the conflicts you two had under the rug.

“Of course.” You saw Kuai Liang glance down at your hands, yet there was no judgement that you could see. He simply nodded and allowed you to join his side. Even without touching, you could feel a comforting warmth from the pyromancer. It was much preferable to the freezing chill of the snow outside, it reminded you of the same way Liu Kang’s warmth soothed you during cold rainy days. 

Was that just a pyromancer gift?

“Has training with the champions boded well?” Scorpion inquired, striking up conversation. It was odd, having him initiate, but it was a welcome change. You smiled at the man, looking over the man. 

“It’s actually been great.” You informed him, feeling pride for yourself for being able to say that. You had never envisioned yourself a teacher before this, but the joy you got from seeing others flourish from your teachings made you feel excellent.

It reminded you of the man who reminded you of Madam Bo so much. You didn’t remember much of him other than a warm fondness and a longing for his approval.

You hoped one day you could unravel the mystery of the man who meant so much to you.

“I told you that you would be an excellent teacher.” Kuai Liang said, a tone of pride in his tone without any smugness. You saw him smile at you, and his smile alone felt like high praise. You knew that no one in the Lin Kuei gave praise that they did not mean. “Has the actor proven to be difficult?”

“Johnny? He’s actually been fine.” You said, chuckling at the memory of the superstar working hard. “He may complain here and there, and sometimes try to be too flashy, but he has a good work ethic.” You praised the man, knowing that you could never tell the actor this, lest his ego grow twice its size. “I think you all would loathe training him.”

“You have a duty I do not envy.” Scorpion admitted. You sucked in a breath as the two of you arrived at the grand doors of Bi-Han’s office. You glanced over to the yellow clad man, who gave you an encouraging nod. You closed your eyes, steeling yourself for a moment before you opened the doors to enter.

Stepping in, you took a moment to admire the organized manner which the office was. You could spot the remains of the influence of the old grandmaster lingering in this office despite it also feeling distinctly Sub Zero. You eyes wandered around before they landed on the current grandmaster himself, who stared at you with an intense look.

“What are you doing here? What task did Liu Kang send you here for?” Bi-Han asked, his gruff voice echoing through the office. Despite his words, you sensed no outright hostility towards you. You could feel a slight disdain in his voice when he mentioned the fire god’s name, to which you were uncertain why that was. You strode up to the desk, and you felt the tension rise as you did.

“Can’t I stop by to say hello?” You inquired, testing the waters. You watched as Bi-Han kept his intense stare on you, unwavering. You pursed your lips, knowing very well that he did not believe that sentiment. “Believe it or not, I am actually here by my own volition, not Liu Kang’s.” You admitted, and you watched as Sub Zero’s gaze soften just a touch. His jaw relaxed.

“For what purpose?” He inquired, still a hint of suspicion in his tone, though he seemed a bit more relaxed knowing you were not here on behalf of the fire god. 

“I wanted to ask for your permission to ask Tomas to help train the champions I’ve been responsible for training. I thought having him duel them for a day would help test them.” You told him, not beating around the bush this time. Bi-Han’s lips pursed as he narrowed his gaze slightly. You heard him exhale, and you wondered why he was still so tense.

“And you sought my blessing for such a minor task?” The grandmaster huffed, the tone in his voice making it clear that he thought it ridiculous that you came all this way for just that. You held back a scoff, simply opting to keep your calm gaze on the man. “Was that all you came here to ask for?”

“No.” You said, crossing your arms as you closed your eyes, remembering the events that had gone down in Johnny Cage’s manor. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened at Johnny’s mansion. What was up with all of that? You know I can defend myself, there was no need to be hostile.”

You felt the temperature drop in the room a bit. Goosebumps crawled up your arm, and you held back an instinctual shiver. 

“The actor was being foolish and arrogant.” Bi-Han huffed, contempt filling his tone at the memory of Johnny. You watched as a small snarl curled at his lips. “You would have let the man off with a glare, he needed a proper warning to put him in his place.” He explained, but you did not feel satisfied.

“That’s a rather stupid excuse to fight someone.” You pointed out, and Bi-Han’s nostrils flared at the insult. You stared at him with the same glare he gave you. “You’re telling me you had the urge to humble an actor for being egotistical?” You inquired, feeling like there was more to the conversation.

“It was the principle of the situation.” He insisted, shaking his head dismissively, as if trying to move past the conversation. He fixed you with another glare before waving you off. “Don’t you have to ask Tomas for your favor?” Bi-Han’s voice dropped to a growl upon mentioning his adopted brother.

“Yes, I do.” You confirmed, nodding, seeing as how the two of you were not going anywhere past this point about the conversation about the actor. You sighed, shaking your head. If there was one thing you learned from your years of knowing Bi-Han, it’s that you both were stubborn to a fault. Still, this conversation felt better than trying to move past the conversation entirely. “Let’s spar next time I come here, it’s been a while.”

If there was one thing you knew, it’s that the two of you could always duel out the frustration. Perhaps not the healthiest way to deal with issues, but it was better than butt heads relentlessly.

You watched as Bi-Han nodded approvingly. The two of you were fierce competitors during spars, with your drive for competition and his lust for fighting strong opponents. The tension in the room relaxed a bit, and you cracked a small smile.

“Prepare your bandages next time, I’ll have to patch you up next time then.” You said, a tone of confidence in your voice. You heard the man scoff at your trash talk, and you turned and began to walk out of the room with a sense of satisfaction. As you opened the door, you turned back, sending the grandmaster one last look.

“I still think you fighting the actor was crass of you but, I appreciate you trying to defend me if that was the point of your stupid squabble.” You admitted, tearing your gaze away from the cyromancer. “Next time you’ll see though, that I could easily do it myself.”

You shut the door, leaving Bi-Han to stare at where you had been mere moments ago. HIs jaw tightened as he looked down at his desk, a sigh leaving his lips.

“I know.”

It didn’t take long for you and Kuai Liang to find Tomas.

Much like you, Smoke often found himself aiding those in training, and you watched with interest as he instructed a younger generation of Lin Kuei. You crossed your arms, silently waiting for the lesson to end. You stayed back with Scorpion, waiting patiently. Luckily, you seemed to have caught the tail end of the current lesson, watching as the man soon dismissed the group for a break.

Turning around, you were not surprised to see the look of surprise on his face as he spotted you and Kuai Liang.

“I was not aware you would be visiting.” Tomas said, yet despite his unpreparedness for your arrival, he gave you a warm smile. You returned the gesture, nodding. He looked between Kuai Liang and you, raising an eyebrow. “Was there something you needed from me? Or were you here just to say hello?”

“I was just here to help find you.” Kuai Liang said. He glanced at you before nodding his head. “I’ll leave you to your conversation.” The pyromancer said, before walking off, letting the two of you have privacy. 

“I’m assuming that you’re here to say more than hello?” Tomas inquired, crossing his arms, His eyebrow raised as he gave you an expectant look. Your grin grew and you mimicked his actions, crossing your arms as well and raising your eyebrows. 

“Is it so strange for me to come all this way just to say hello, Tomas?” You asked, a light teasing tone in your voice. You were met with a look that told you that he did not believe you, yet there was a slight playful look in his eye. You returned the look with a laugh. “You’re right.” You admitted, rolling your eyes. “I’m here to ask a favor from you.”

“A favor?” Smoke inquired, his curiosity growing. He leaned towards you slightly, his head tilting. “What possible favor could you ask from me?”

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in aiding me in training the champions one day.” You said, getting to the point. The Czech man seemed surprised at your offer. “They stale from training with only each other during my teachings, so I thought bringing someone with a much different fighting style would help.”

“I’m not against the offer, but why me?” Smoke said, a note of disbelief in his voice. His face scanned your face, as if searching for an answer “Would Kuai Liang or Bi-Han not be better options?” 

“The way you move is unpredictable compared to them.” You explained, recalling his fighting style. “It would help them learn how to do better defense against an opponent who likes to attack from angles they aren’t ready yet.” You paused before sending him a look. “Plus, are you doubting my judgement on who’d be best?”

“No, not at all.” Tomas admitted, sending you a slightly sheepish look as he smiled at you. He seemed to take in your words, nodding slowly. “I’m just surprised.” He said, shrugging. He considered your offer, before nodding. “I wouldn’t mind helping you.” He opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off, predicting what he was about to say. 

“I already discussed this with both Bi-Han and Lord Liu Kang, they’re fine with this arrangement.” 

“Wow, you were really prepared for this.” Smoke said, stunned for a moment that you had already discussed the plans with the others. “Alright, I’ll help you.” He agreed, and you sent him a big grin. You placed a hand on your hip as you reached for his shoulder, squeezing it gratefully. 

“Thank you, Tomas, you have no idea how much this means to me.” You said letting out a sigh of relief. It felt like your worries washed away. You felt your smile grow as Smoke sent you a look that you couldn’t quite identify, but it filled you with warmth. You let out a chuckle as your grin turned a tad bit mischievous. “I’d hate for my students to miss out on a chance to duel the King of Smoke.” You teased, and you watched as Smoke coughed into his fist.

“Let it go! I said that one time.” Tomas groaned, a bit of embarrassment in his voice as you reminded him of the nickname he had used one time before the two of you had dueled. He pulled at his face with a hand, playful distress on his face. You sent him a look that told him that you were not going to let it go anytime soon. “What would it take for you to stop using that nickname?”

“Nothing can ever change my mind.” You teased, chuckling at his embarrassment. “Why would I let such valuable teasing material go?” You pointed out, and you squeezed his shoulder to emphasize your point. The Lin Kuei member looked at you before rolling his eyes before sighing. 

“One day I’ll get you to change your mind.” Tomas promised, saying your name with such conviction you almost believed him. You couldn’t help the laughter that left your lips. He stared at you with a look you weren’t certain what to call it, but it made you feel happy. 

“Tough luck, Tomas.” You said cockily, dropping your hand from his shoulder. You were surprised as he caught it, squeezing it with both of his hands. 

“I mean it.” He said, his voice teasing. Yet, there was something there that made it feel a bit more serious than a joke. Nevertheless, you leaned forward with a challenging look in your eye. You watched as his expression changed slightly as he looked at you, opening his mouth to speak. You found yourself attracted to the movement in the background, and you cleared your throat, interrupting whatever he was about to say. “Looks like your class is back.”

“Ah.” He said, dropping your hand quickly as if it were on fire. You wondered briefly whether the final squeeze he gave it was on purpose or not. He looked at them, beckoning them in before looking at you. “Since I’m helping you out, would you also like to assist me?” He offered, and you couldn’t help the excitement that surged through you.

“Of course.”

It was late at night when you made your way to the Wu Shi academy. 

At first, you were planning on going back directly to the Fire Temple after spending the day at the Lin Kuei temple, but your footsteps drew you back to the academy.

Between visiting the Lin Kuei on business and being back here, you figured you were doing a shitty job of taking a break. You could practically hear Madam Bo scolding you. You stared at the entrance for a few moments, before sighing.

You were just going to check if Raiden was awake, and send him to bed. That’s all. 

You watched in, making sure to be stealthy as usual. Not only to keep the peace, but you figured that if Raiden had been training behind your back, you could give him a good scare as punishment for not listening to you. 

That and well, it was a bit funny to see the man jump.

Much to your displeasure, you heard the familiar sound of a dummy being beat up…rather frustratedly too. Sighing, you shook your head as you lurked in the shadows as you made your way to the courtyard. Yet, what was waiting for you was a sight you were not prepared for. 

It was Kenshi Takahashi there, swinging his sword adamantly at a dummy. 

Furrowing your eyebrows, you crept closer, keeping to the shadows as you did. Unlike Raiden, the man did not seem to be practicing any forms. Although his strikes were precise, they were done without much direction and thought. This seemed more instinctual than training.

You watched as he grunted, huffing as he gripped the sword as he knocked over the dummy. You saw pain, anger, and the like on his face clear as day. Unsatisfied, you watched as he righted the dummy. You observed for a few more minutes.

Interestingly enough, you watched as time went on, he tensed up. Kenshi seemed to mystify himself why he was doing so. He looked around for a moment, seeming to sense something. He had glanced at you for a moment, not realizing you were there at first, before doing a double take.

“Have you always been there, watching me?” Kenshi asked, an intense stare at you. You held up your hands to show you meant no harm. He narrowed his eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be on break?” He inquired, much like everyone else did. His tone was accusatory, and you sensed he was in a bad mood.

“I only arrived a few minutes ago. I heard the commotion and decided to check it out, I thought it was Raiden, I was surprised to see it was you.” You said, defending yourself. You crossed your arms as you leaned back on the pillar you always seemed to gravitate towards. “I am on break, but I came here to make sure Raiden wasn’t training late at night since I told him not to for a while.” You paused. “You have good senses to notice something was off.”

“Raiden trains late at night?” Kenshi inquired, mystified, before shaking his head dismissively and sighing. “Being in the yakuza instills that instinct in you. A useful skill, even if I hated being there.” He said, sheathing his sword before facing you. “Sorry for being so short with you, I wasn’t prepared for my instructor to sneak up on me.”

“No need to apologize.” You said, waving off his apology. “I was being a bit weird standing here.” You said, shrugging before sending Kenshi a concerned look. “I might be overstepping here, but you seemed distressed.” You pointed out. You watched as Kenshi grimaced and glanced away. “Did you want to talk about it? It might do you some better than slicing that poor dummy into wood chips. I promise no judgement.”

The dummy seemed to be on its last legs. Funny how Kenshi just happened to choose the one that Raiden always seemed to use. Regardless, you gestured to the spot next to you, taking a seat on the ground.

The swordsman seemed to contemplate for a moment, his face shifting before he walked over and sat beside you. He rested on the pillar, turning his gaze to the stars like you did.

“I dreamt I was still stuck with the yakuza.” He said, after a few minutes of tense silence. You tore your gaze away from the stars to look at the man. He seemed haunted as he confessed this. His fingers tapped idly on the sheath of his sword. “The things I did while under their control, it haunts me.”

“How bad are the yakuza?” You inquired lightly, not all too familiar with the group, only knowing the basics of what Liu Kang had told you. 

“They’re a horrible group. I hope you, or anyone you know, never encounter them.” Kenshi said. Although he did not elaborate too much on them, the resentment that carried in his voice told you enough of what you needed to know. 

“I see.” You said, pursing your lips. You watched him for a few more minutes. “Well, you aren’t with them anymore.” You pointed out, curling up your legs to squeeze them to your chest. Your arms wrapped around them, as if giving yourself a hug. “Lingering on the past won’t help.” You said, knowing how hypocritical you were being. 

“Easier said than done.”

“It always is, isn’t it?”

There were a few moments of silence, before you heard Kenshi agree. 

“You never relished in the power the yakuza gave you, correct?” You asked, looking over to the swordsman once more. You saw him think, before shaking his head. “Then why feel guilt for things you were forced to do?” You continued, trying to guide his thoughts.

“That doesn’t change how horrible the deeds I did were.” The ex-yakuza member pointed out. You reluctantly agreed, some deeds, no matter how guilty the person felt, were dirty deeds still. “My family is still stuck in their grasp, and I’m here.”

“You’re bettering yourself for them, trying to go back unprepared is worse.” You countered. You paused before continuing. “I may not fully understand the extent of your guilt, nor the pain you carry, but I do understand that you are truly sorry.” You searched Kenshi’s face, noting the pain he carried. “It’ll take time, but learning to forgive yourself is what I think is truly best.”

The silence stretched between you two, but it was not uncomfortable. It settled in gently, like a slow realization. You knew he could not change his mindset in one mere conversation, but you knew that the words you told him were still comforting at the very least.

“How about we change the topic, get your mind off of that nasty nightmare of yours?” You offered, feeling happy when the look on his face didn’t seem to disagree with your line of thought. “How has it been, training with Johnny Cage?” You watched with slight amusement as Kenshi rolled his eyes at the actor’s name.

“He’s been irritating.”

“Now that’s something we can both agree on.” You jested, even though you didn’t quite think that low of Johnny Cage. You felt satisfaction as a tiny smile appeared on Kenshi’s face.

Helping people felt great.

part six

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Danny 'I don't do weird' Pink frustrates me as a character, because I'm honestly not sure whether he was supposed to have an arc or not.

His primary role is as a foil for Clara's arc and, in aid of that, as a mirror to the Doctor. A solider with survivor's guilt and a man of action who can't stand by when people need help etc., in some ways he and the Doctor have a lot in common, but he's also a very grounded and circumspect personality versus the Doctor's being fantastical and adventurous. Danny isn't curious and doesn't want to pursue new things or experiences, instead he wants to be fully present with and grateful for what he already has. The Doctor is incorrigibly curious and always interested in new things.

Danny is someone who desires nothing more than an ordinary life, and looks for beauty and satisfaction in the normal things and people around him. He wants his world to be small and quiet, he values the mundane things others might take for granted. He's normal, patient, dependable, simple, honest, etc. His reaction to trauma hasn't been to disavow the things which lead him to that event, or to seek out stimulation to avoid thinking about it, it's to be thoughtful and cautious and somewhat rigid so he can always apply the mindset and skills he retained from before he was traumatised.

He's very firm and unbending in his worldview and in his self-image. He doesn't seem to ever reassess people once he's decided what he thinks of them. He's not unreasonable or unwilling to compromise, he is in fact maybe too reasonable, but he is implastic. He's extremely even-tempered except for around his identity as a soldier, which he's prickly about, but still pretty quick to let it go as long as he's not being deliberately antagonised.

So anyway Danny represents this other path, and this opposite response to the horror of war and making a catastrophic mistake, but he never learns, he never grows and he and Clara are never much on the same wavelength about anything. He's supposed to be stability, the things she 'should' want, the 'person she's supposed to like', the safe choice, the presentable life which Clara feels like she has to have. He's orderly and ordinary and that's what she wants from him. She has to control her image, her future, and her options.

And their simple relationship, once it exists, functions well as the contrast to her complicated and tumultuous relationship with the Doctor while the companion power dynamic is being dismantled and rebuilt so they can be emotional equals. But like, the set up is confusingly executed.

Listen- they have zero chemistry, they have nothing to talk about and have to resort to talking about work, every conversation goes instantly off the rails, they rub each other the wrong way, there is never any reason for them to keep reconciling and trying again to connect. Like. You are not hitting it off! and keep offending each other bc you're not compatible! Quit!!

Clara is forcing it, that makes complete sense with what she's going through, she's trying to take control of her life and her emotions, trying to prove to herself she's not pining for the Doctor and at the mercy of his whims for her life to be full and complete. She doesn't want to need him or to be dependant on him. She doesn't want to be the heartbroken sadsack whom he abandoned at Christmas or who will take whatever scraps he'll throw her. She wants to control his position in her life and control how she feels about him. Hence her assigning him a specific day and confining their adventures on her own terms. She's trying to keep the Doctor compartmentalised. Having an Appropriate Human Relationship means she's successfully put the Doctor in his box (lol) and neutralised the chaotic power of her feelings for him. I mean, obviously not, but that's what she tells herself.

But what is Danny doing? Why does he keep pursuing this when it's so clearly not a good match?

Again in Listen, and much more so The Caretaker, Danny illustrates that he does not know who Clara is, he's wildly wrong about her and what she's like, and he's very high handed about it as well. He's convinced that the Doctor is taking advantage of her, that the Doctor is domineering in their relationship, that she is not a person who wants to be put into challenging or dangerous positions, that the Doctor is pushing her to takes risks and become a leader where that's not her nature. None of this is true. Clara was always a decisive, assertive, strongly driven person who seeks out new experiences and naturally assumes a leadership role any time that's necessary; she relishes being challenged and facing the unknown. Her blow up with the Doctor wasn't about him 'pushing her too far', it was about him failing to support her when she needed him and condescending to her as a human rather than treating her with the intimacy and equity their bond and history together demands. It's personal and it's about their emotional relationship. It's not about making hard choices, it's about having to make hard choices without her partner being honest with and emotionally available to her.

Clara was always an adventurous person, willing to be spontaneous as long as it's on her terms, and excited by the prospect of authority and responsibility. The danger and challenge isn't an unfortunate side effect or a risk she has to take to see amazing sights, it's part of the appeal. She lied to Danny by omission when she said she went off in the box to 'see wonders', not just because the real reason is that she's in love with Doctor, but also because she doesn't just want to be a tourist. She wants to get involved and save people, she wants things to sometimes go pear shaped. She enjoys and craves that part of it too.

Danny is also wildly wrong about the Doctor, but this is understandable and would be fine except that he's never corrected? He never learns better? What's the point?

In Death in Heaven Danny goes out still wrong about the Doctor, still condemning him cruelly and unfairly while knowing nothing about him. He had a point with some of his original rant, there was actual insight there, but it's buried in assumptions and bitterness and then Danny keeps tripling down on the assumption. The one which doesn't understand that the very thing he's shitting on the Doctor for (being willing to lead and make hard choices that must be made in order to save people) is something the Doctor has in common with Clara. And always has. The Doctor didn't change her or push her into that, that's who she's always been.

What is the point of Danny calling him a blood-soaked general and mocking him, calling him an officer as a pejorative again, and again because the Doctor is trying to save the planet. Like, memory check, that's what Danny is mad about. The Doctor doing everything in his power to save literal billions of lives. Doing it for no reason, out of altruism. Doing it while always trying very hard not to fight or kill anyone. Doing it even at enormous spiritual cost to himself.

I don't understand how we're meant to find Danny sympathetic in that moment, because he comes off like a complete dickhead. And it's all the more frustrating because in the intervening episodes Danny has been eminently reasonable. As I've discussed before, we're exhaustively shown that Danny is 100% okay with what Clara claims is going on, that he doesn't want to get in the way of her friendship with the Doctor, that if it really were only the relationship she's pretending it is, there would be no conflict. He's the one who encourages her to make up with him after Kill the Moon! He tells her to go on travelling and it's fine!

Even when he discovers she's been lying to him and cavorting with the Doctor behind his back (again despite him telling her it was fine with him!), he's calm about it and repeats for the millionth time that all he wants from her is honesty. The truth. Which is the one thing she can't give him because Clara knows their entire relationship is built on the lie, they're only together because of the lie. The truth is, as Moffatt said, that Danny never stood a chance. There is a conflict between the two relationships and she's always going to choose the Doctor.

And that does come out, she gives the whole speech to Danny, not knowing it's him, finally being honest. And he seems unsurprised by it, which makes sense because on some level he definitely always knew ('do you love him?' 'no' 'really had enough of the lies'), but then nothing comes of that. Clara just soldiers on, going right back to pretending this relationship wasn't a façade doomed from the start, and Danny allows her to pretend. He goes off on the Doctor, but not in a way the Doctor actually deserves at all, and just sweeps her confession under the carpet. Letting her get away with it again. True to form, I guess! he always did. But shouldn't we make progress?

And it's like... I hate that he dies on that note. It feels like he dies in denial. I guess you could argue it contributes to his decision to not come back, but that feels like a disservice to the character. Saving the kid is important to Danny, it allows him to atone for his greatest mistake, but he didn't need to change or grow to accomplish that and it doesn't provide any closure to his actual role in the narrative, which was as Clara's foil. Clara is off the hook, free to go on lying to herself about their relationship. It's not addressed in Last Christmas, either, it's only barely hinted at.

[magpod-confessions]

Honestly i wanna hear opinions on season 4, cus im gonna confess i could NOT finish it (didnt move on to season 5 either lol). Got to like ep 135 & i just couldnt tell any of the episodes apart it felt like such a drag; just a slog of misery with some offhand Important 5 Minutes once in a blue moon. I hate repetition & i got the sparknotes from fandom/wiki stuff so yeahhh i just stopped listening; i still love TMA & it’s story & characters, it’s just the execution that got to me RIP

Everything felt kinda forced to me ig? Like there was some shoe-horned “humans are more monstrous than the actual monster” that snuffed S1 Jon’s fun cockiness/jackassery just to make him ? The best one in the archive ??? & all of his wrongdoings are either off-screen or justified by him being tricked into becoming a literal monster against his will (who would STARVE w/o his ‘evil-doings’, which didnt even kill ppl). Also felt like everyone got needlessly dumbed down except for Martin (the Love Interest ofc, who got 180’d from his pre-established incompetency to be some mastermind in a playing field he should have REALLY been inept in) just so they’d be blind to Jon’s situation & be mean to him LMAO

They started trying to make Jon accountable for “choosing this” & i couldnt handle it, held no fucking water to me—the guy being explicitly puppetted & manipulated as the entire plot? That guy is expected to take responsibility here? Felt like some after-thought theme they threw on top of it all. Anyways uhh feel free comment either on what i said and/or your personal thoughts on the season, or nothing if ya got nothing lol

🗣️

Ehh disagree. S4 isnt my fav but I dont think its bad. S1 Jon to s4 jon feels like natural character progression to me. He starts as acting all high and mighty to try hide the fact he has no idea what hes doing and is terrified, and then experiences a lot of ppl dying that he feels is due to him and is his responsibility. At that point his thought pattern is 'I keep messing up and making mistakes and getting myself and everyone around me hurt, so other ppl surely know better'. Hes got a lot of black and white thinking around him, which has been consistent throughout his entire characterization

I dont think any characters were dumbed down either

Melanie was always angry, she only go worse bc she had smth making her think everything she did was justified and when that stopped she became avoidant and stopped lashing out. She was still angry, just managing it better

Basira has always been Daisys no1, the person to justify all of Daisys actions. She knows what daisy did and why its bad but she holds onto the idea that daisy is right in doing so. She blames jon for what he does bc logically she knows its wrong, hurting ppl who havent done anything is wrong, but still excuses daisy bc she needs to. Bc that was a fact of her life and it cannot be wrong. In the unknowning she focuses on facts to keep her grounded and to her 'Daisy is a good person' 'Hurting ppl is wrong' and 'If you hurt ppl you are a bad person' are all facts she needs in her life to stay grounded. How she justifies Daisys actions is by saying that the ppl who daisy hurt were worse and it ultimately helps more ppl to have them gone. Not only can she not do that with Jon, as she believes those he hurts are entirely innocent, she also doesnt care to. Shes not close with Jon and she doesnt have 'Jon is a good person' as a fact in her mind, so she doesnt need to work to excuse his actions. Its all or nothing with her, if you hurt and continue hurting ppl, no matter your reason, you need to stop and the only way you will stop is if you are gone. She also has a lot of black and white thinking, gotta love the autism podcast

Martin being a mastermind in s4 also makes sense bc him being stupid is an act. If ppl think your stupid theyll underestimate you and ultimately leave you alone. They wont scrutinize you, they wont attack every part of you, they will brush it off as just a typical normal thing. It will get you ignored and you cannot be hurt if nobody knows who you are or how to hurt you. Its a lonely miserable existence but its one martins used to. Martin rarely drops the mask of 'Sweet but stupid' bc he needs that to survive and tbh he probably learnt that from needing to survive his mom LOL. Martin just knows and picks the best method of getting ppl to like him, which for him is doing exactly what they want and keeping their expectations low so they wont hurt him as much when they mess up. Honestly in s5 I see him as hes finally got to a place where he doesnt care if everyone hates him, bc he has someone who does and thats all he needs. Hes survived the worst of it and he doesnt care anymore

Part of the reason everyone blames Jon is bc he is there and he is the one who is currently causing the most problems. Also they dont actually see the extent that Jon is manipulated. Elias talks and interacts with Jon differently to how he interacts with others. All of them met Jon when he was already at the institute, they meet him when it does actually look like he made his choice, entirely of his own free will. It doesnt help that daisy is there, someone who completed their transformation like Jon did and turned back on it, and she looks like shes managing well enough. She is surviving without feeding so why cant Jon do the same? Also basira does trust elias on some level. She trusts he knows more than she does and can be an asset if used correctly, which definitely doesnt help things. Also the idea of Elias is locked up, he cant affect Jon anymore so why is Jon still acting this way. Elias has very effectively vilified and isolated jon and jon doesnt fight back against it bc he believes it as well. Other ppl are normally right so why wouldnt everyone be right abt him?

Oh my god that was an essay and I absolutely missed sooo much stuff but idk take that - rosette

i literally have nothing to add . rosette sincerely you are insane and i love that . i honestly don't have a lot of s4 opinions that i could really put down , but i also disagree anon . s4 may not have been the best , but it certainly wasn't Bad or not enjoyable to listen to . coming from someone who has listened to the podcast twice now [ and who is planning on a third relisten ] , i really do enjoy s4 as a whole . martin's buildup and his manipulation of peter lukas is honestly one of my favourite parts , because it has been said that martin was originally going to be apart of the mother of puppets ! this shows that part of martin we didn't get to see but has been there . i got distracted and don't remember what else i was gonna type um . whoops - deceit

[scribespirare]

If you're still open to flowerfang requests can you give us some more a/b/o with courting? Thanks so much. 🫶

baby i am ALWAYS open for flowerfang requests gimme gimme

So there's this guy.

Well, a villain actually, and he's slippery as hell and keeps wriggling his way out of Miles' grasp (seriously, there's an entire eel theme going on and quite frankly he doesn't really wanna talk about it) every time they meet. And since Miles is dealing with finals right now, he really can't spend that much time trying to chase this dude down. It's just not at the top of his priority list, ya know? Especially since he can usually stop the attempted crimes and send eel guy back to whatever rock he crawled out of. Or...swam. Whatever.

The point is, Miles gets the shock of his damn life when eel guy lands at his feet, trussed up like a present but without the bow one fine weekend afternoon.

Miles, in costume and having previously been enjoying the scenic view of the city from atop one of his many haunts, stares down at eel guy in pure shock.

"You're welcome," Miguel says from somewhere to his right, and Miles whips towards the sound.

"Huh?"

But the Alpha is stepping into a yellow portal, back turned, and Miles can only gape after him. "What the fuck?" he mutters, mostly to himself.

The man on the ground responds anyways. "Man, I have no goddamn clue. He came outta nowhere, said something about Omegas, and then clocked me."

Omegas!? If this is some dumb ass Alpha power flex then Miles is going to skin that man alive. Even if Miguel has at least a foot of height, a decade's worth of experience, and probably a hundred pounds on him. And also there's the fact that he's extremely hot. Like. Wildly fucking hot.

Whatever.

Fucking Alphas. Thinking they're hot shit just because they have chiseled jaws and biceps bigger than his head and amazing scents...

Miles spends the entire time he's taking eel guy to the police station grumbling about them.

Eel guy wisely stays quiet.

oOo

School lets out and the summer is sweltering where it gets trapped in all the concrete and gleaming metal of New York. Miles is given (mostly) free reign to do as he pleases and he does. There's nothing quite like swinging around the city to cool off.

There's just one problem.

Fucking. Miguel.

He keeps swooping in and taking down Miles' bad guys for one, even the tiny pipsqueak ones. And to make matters worse he's leaving shit in Miles' bedroom too. Money, some new Jordans, a spiderman suit that Miles will never admit looks way cooler than his current one and that he stuffed deep into his closet never to be seen again because fuck that guy.

Seriously, what the fuck is Miguel's problem? He hadn't thought Miles' being an Omega was that big a deal when he'd sicced hundreds of spider-people on him. Hadn't held back when he'd slammed Miles into the side of that train, all barred teeth and rage.

But now, all of sudden, Miles apparently can't wipe his own ass without an Alpha's help.

It's just his luck (which is to say, good) that when he decides he's done with Miguel's shit and is going to rip him a new one, Miguel drops a villain at Miles' feet and actually deigns to stop for a moment and chat.

Somehow the man laying between them is eel guy again. They both ignore him.

"What the actual fuck do you think-" Miles starts, at the exact same second Miguel says, "I wasn't sure if we should talk to your parents-".

Both of them stop, clearly confused by the other. Miles gets over his surprise first, shaking his head. "My parents? What the hell do you want with my parents?"

Miguel blinks down at him, face unreadable. "Well, the next stage of courtship usually involves speaking with the Omegas's-"

"Courtship!?" Miles' voice comes out so high and squeaky he feels like he's hit puberty all over again.

Another blink. This time Miguel's features tighten a little, and if Miles didn't know better he'd think the Alpha looked nervous.

Good thing he knows better.

"I...yes? I've been courting you since the start of summer," Miguel says. "I thought..." he trails off, brow knitting in manly angst that very much is not attractive on him, not at all.

Miles for his part just flaps his jaw in disbelief. Everything clicks together for him then: all the bad guys (fucking gift wrapped!), the shit Miguel kept leaving in his bedroom, the way he'd linger sometimes as if to catch Miles' reaction but ultimately still fucked off back to whatever universe he popped out of. Traditionally Alphas aren't meant to interact much with an Omega until they've declared their intention to the parents or guardian of said Omega. This is preceded by gift giving to see if the Omega is even amenable to being courted at all.

Here's the problem. A: that shit was common like a hundred fucking years ago. Nobody courts like that today unless they're richer than god and have been for generations. Old money are just weird like that.

B. Miles never gave any indication of being amenable.

...did he?

"Fuck you're old," is the first thing that pops out of Miles' mouth, because he'd rather talk shit than think about how he feels about Miguel trying to court him.

Miguel immediately tenses all over and takes a step back. "I'm sorry, I thought the age gap-"

"What?" Miles cuts him off, because he recognizes the look of a man about to run. "No, I meant you're old as hell for trying to court me traditionally."

The age gap is most definitely not a problem the Omega in Miles says. He ignores it.

"Oh," says Miguel, but he doesn't relax.

"Nobody does that shit anymore," Miles continues, "so I didn't recognize what was happening. On top of that, you didn't fucking say anything so how the hell was I supposed to know!?"

"I wrote you letters," Miguel argues back. Then, a little softer like now he's unsure of himself, "Written correspondence is an important part of a courtship."

"Did you leave them in my room, like the other stuff?"

"Yes?"

"Well there's your problem. You've seen my room, do the math. Bits of paper aren't gonna stand out."

Miguel runs a hand through his hair and sighs, shoulders slumping. "So you're telling me that I've been trying to make romantic overtures for over a month now, and not a single clear message has gotten through?"

Miles' heart does something weird and uncomfortable in his chest at the words romantic overtures. But he just nods. "Looks like."

Looking skyward as if for patience, Miguel mutters something under his breath and then huffs, puts his hands on his hips, and makes direct eye contact.

"Dios mio, fine. Clearly my preferred way of doing this isn't working. So let's try this instead. Miles, can I take you on a date?" The words are said so matter of factly and with such little emotion that they take a moment to process. When they do Miles immediately feels his face heat.

"Uh," he says intelligently.

Yes says both his dick and his inner Omega.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," are the words that actually come out of his mouth. Miguel looks pained though and Miles winces. "I mean...I'd love to? I think. I dunno, I'm kind of in shock right now. I have no clue what's happening."

That finally has Miguel relaxing and a ghost of smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Of course that look is just as stupidly hot on him as all the others. God, who did Miguel have to kill to get cheekbones like that?

Any and all thoughts of Alpha attractiveness scatter from Miles' brain when Miguel steps closer, right up into Miles' personal space. He smells...well, fucking amazing. Wild and sharp, like steel and ozone before a lightning strike. And he's leaning closer, tilting Miles' chin up with one finger.

"What's happening," Miguel says lowly into the space between them, "is that I'm interested in you, Miles. And I'd like the chance to show you exactly how interested."

Miles swallows hard and his knees nearly buckle under him. "Y-yeah, okay," he says, trying to ignore the heat of Miguel's body, how good it feels to be pinned in by his bulk and strength. He's failing.

"Good," Miguel replies, ruining all chances Miles had of trying to keep his cool because the Alpha leans down and kisses him.

It's not Miles' first kiss, but it is his first with someone who actually knows what they're doing. Miguel's mouth is hot and confident, nearly bruising in its intensity as he guides Miles' into parting his lips so that Miguel can sweep his tongue inside. Miles makes a surprised, pleased sound that immediately embarrasses him because it's so incredibly Omegean.

Miguel laughs against him, more felt than heard, and finally pulls away. "I've been wanting to do that for a while, cariño. Sabes tan dulce como te ves."

Miles yanks him back down into another kiss before he can say anything stupid.

"Uh, guys?" says eel guy from somewhere on the ground. "Hello?"

oOo

They don't end up talking to Miles' parents by mutual agreement. Miles isn't even sure why Miguel would want to considering Miles is still fifteen, but over the course of the conversation he starts to realize...

Miguel is a hopeless romantic. That's why he'd gone for traditional courting. Soft, gooey hearted, marshmallow fluff romantic.

Miles laughs until his sides hurt. He only stops when Miguel pins him down and kisses him until Miles can barely breathe.

It's really fucking great.

...Miles still forces Miguel to promise not to fight anymore of his bad guys though.

[thefuzzzz]

Ranking Nico Di Angelo ships as a multishipper with a crazy imagination, a Nico hyperfixation of 3 years, and the willpower of a god:

1. Solangelo - 8/10 I love them!! I adore Will in TSATS and he’s easily one of my favorite characters. I wish Rick had let us get to know Will separately before he was immediately made Nico’s boyfriend, but I love him anyway. I think they’re good for each other and very supportive. I think I spend too much time consuming media of them than their actual book interactions, because in media I hate their fanon portrayals, but I adore them in cannon. I only had the chance to read half of TSATS, but I thought it was cute!

2. Jasico - 10/10 I love them for the same reasons I love Solangelo, but Jason got character development and Will didn’t. Also, they had a cool moment with Cupid that I think about once a week at least. Jason is constantly someone Nico trusts and (I may be wrong) hugs at some point in the series. The only people Nico has shown direct physical affection to within the series (to my knowledge) are Will, Jason, Hazel, and Reyna. This proves how much Nico trusts Jason, even after Cupid. Also they’re silly and dumb and I love them so I’m right always

3. Nico x Conner - 10/10 I FUCKING LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Lemme explain. So when Nico came to camp he stayed with the Hermes cabin, but Luke was already fucked off (I think) so Conner and Travis were probably in charge of the cabin. Conner’s age changes several times, so I headcannon him to be just a tad older than Nico. I think since he knew Nico when he was a kid he can make present day Nico less doom and gloom and know when he’s truly happy. Also, Nico went to a notably strict military school before coming to camp, yk what they say, strict conditions raise sneaky kids. Thats right, these two are fucking nuts. They are little thieves. And I don’t even wanna mention the implications of Conner’s dad (Lin Manuel Miranda) being the god of travelers and Nico essentially being an eternal traveller. They make me so sick I love them

4. Nico x Clovis - 7/10 they were mentioned as friends MAYBE once and I took that shit and ran with it tbh. I don’t even remember if it’s cannon. I just love them. I THINK it was mentioned that Clovis helps Nico with his nightmares, but atp this shit might just be my imagination or a fic I read once. Anyways, Nico is noted as a very anxious person, and Clovis is very laid back. I really like that duo and the idea that Clovis can help to ground him a lot and help him relax

5. Valdengelo - 6/10 while I do adore them, they have hardly any time together or any bonding moments at all (Note: I am a hypocrite over Clovis let’s fight abt it) I do love media about them and consume it at rates not comprehendible by mankind though. Aside from no time together, I think they’re epic. Nico experiences a lot of the same things as Leo, such as losing his mother and general sadness, but they cope in wildly different ways (neither of which are healthy). Also, Nico grew up in the lotus casino. I’m sick of us all acting like he doesn’t understand technology. Let them be engineer boyfriends PLEASE

6. Pernico. - 0/10 I don’t care at all if other people ship them, since it’s fandom and you can do whatever you want. I just personally don’t enjoy their chemistry and see them more as brothers. You do you tho.

Keep in mind this is just my opinion please don’t take anything too personal!! I love all ships (almost.) equally and if you have any fic recommendations for any of these please give them to me I’m desperate

(Also, this doesn’t represent my FAVORITE Nico ship, just a ranking based on how much I giggle when I see them. It does not take many logistics into account)