#which is why. i've got to tap the sign. he has ALWAYS been like this it is a HUGE CORE PART OF HIM‼️‼️‼️‼️

[moe-broey]

I need like. A Don't Make Me Tap The Sign about Alfonse Fire Emblem specifically about his character and how he's perceived sometimes. Like Book 7 Chapter 12 he's just like that. He's always been like that.

I feel like I've def said it more eloquently before probably in Book 5 (regarding Reginn and Fáfnir), where like. He Will try for and favor a peaceful solution, but if it's clear there's no way out without violence and killing the threat/adversary. He won't hesitate. He won't falter. Crit line literally references this actually, "Above all, the mission".

Like I feel like the difference between Alfonse just doing Alfonse things (most recent chapter Seidr having to kill Kvasir, no way out of it -- plus also even considering killing Seidr herself, if that were to end Gullveig) and the Letizia moment was like. The Letizia moment was a BOLD gambit he played, which is WHY it was so shocking in the story and as an audience member, and why I think it left such a deep impression. Still very in character for him and the way he thinks/problem solves on the fly, carefully evaluating the situation and what would be the best move with the highest rate of success. (THAT LAST BIT ACTUALLY........ he'll do this even with low rates of success, out of sheer stubbornness as well. Which is why I still stand by him being rash at times, a LOT of his rashness is disguised as "calculated risks" and he just has the willpower to pull it off. The worst-best type of guy to me LMFAO)

Going back a bit though, the Letizia moment also stands out as an example of how far Alfonse is willing to go to win, especially if his back is pushed against the wall. It gives you a FASCINATING glimpse into his character and into his mind. A lot of times Lif would be an enigma to me, beyond the basics, character wise. Like yeah I guess that would fuck up a guy. But his methods (working and making contracts with gods when especially as Alfonse he knows better than that??) would be inscrutable to me. But everything absolutely finally clicked when Alfonse made that gambit, playing to Letizia's personality and whatever preconceived notions she may have, that maybe Alfonse could find a weak spot in and take advantage of. Lif is doing the exact same thing. His judgement is maybe a little worse for wear on account of, well *gestures vaguely to all of him* but he's still very much doing The Same Thing.

LIKE. I'm def straying from my point which is. Alfonse isn't shy about having to resort to violence. It Is a resort. But if it has to be done, it will be done. Any damage control (such as Sharena's feelings -- she has CLEARLY been extremely upset these past chapters) can be resolved later. (This.... is also fascinating to me..... bc it's always been clear to me his loved ones are the people who ground him, who stop him from losing himself, from becoming cruel in his practicality and tendency for detachment. There Is his morality as well -- but his loved ones are a huge part in what keeps him kind.)

I guess what I'm really trying to say is. Hit me up next time Alfonse is playing 4D chess with the enemy or throwing himself in a ditch on purpose just to indulge his baby sister's current pet project. THOSE feel like standout examples of Alfonse Off The Shits (but still completely in character for him tbh), while like. The rest is just par for the course for him. Just another (especially traumatizing) Tuesday.

[raayllum]

"Do you want me to wash your hair?" for rayllum?

The Starscraper, despite its intrigue and mystery, has bathrooms like anywhere else, although Rayla knocks first before entering her and Callum's quarters at all.

They'd been given a room and ensuite to share upon arrival, and while she'd blushed a little leaving her parents to come here, well... She was grown and in love. There wasn't much they could say, even if Runaan glowered.

Besides, however much Callum had said he was okay after the de-coining, she knew he'd been quiet and lightheaded. Which was why, after a few seconds of no reply, she pushed their door open and tentatively poked her head in.

"Callum?"

He was standing by the bed, shirtless (she ignored the heat in her cheeks) and turned to the side, seemingly looking at his reflection in the mirror leaning up against the far wall. Even from this angle, circular scars were evident on his upper chest, one looking more like a bite mark near his abdomen—souvenirs from Finnegrin's ship, and Rayla's stomach churned like the sea at the thought he'd ever been in that much pain.

It took a second, but then Callum noticed her, shifting to face her. His new white shock of hair, threaded into one of the locks that curved over his face, hung over his eyes. Another unpleasant souvenir from the de-coining spell. Callum had said the coins had some residual dark magic tainting, that Star magic was ancient and unpredictable—that the white hair wasn't from actual dark magic itself, but... Rayla didn't know how much she believed him.

Or how much he believes himself, given the look in his eyes.

She crosses the room in three quick strides, her discomfort and distraction on the back burner as she places a hand on his shoulder, lifting his face to hers. "Least we match," she says, brushing back the white. His lips twitch. "Were you getting ready to bathe?"

She can't think of another reason he'd be taking his clothes off. At least not one that makes sense outside of foolish, distracting fantasies—

He nods, blushing a bit himself. "Yeah." He rubs the back of his neck, grimacing. The magic had taken a toll on his body too. "Just got lost in thought."

She thinks of how he'll have to reach up and behind if intends to wash his back, or... "I could join you," she says and then quickly clarifies, "to—outside the tub, I mean. To wash your hair. If you want."

Primals above she was such a—

Callum softens and leans into her. "That'd be nice," he admits, even if the flush doesn't leave either of their faces.

She still turns away as he fully disrobes, waiting till he lets her know he's fully in the water, light steam rising from the tub before she turns back around and settles behind the rim on a spare chair. She focuses on washing his hair while he wipes a rag along his chest, pleased when she can hear him hum happily—maybe even murmuring some more of that sweet, silly, Ocean arcanum poetry under his breath—a sure sign that he's finally relaxing.

She brushes back his hair, running her sudsy fingers through the white streak, and he sits up more along the rim, craning his neck to glance at her.

"There's an Ocean poem, y'know," he says, forcing nonchalantness, his fingers tapping nervously. "Reminded me of some stuff I've read about the Moon arcanum. About how water, or the moon, changes, but..."

"It's still always inherently the same," she says, "no matter its appearance?"

He nods. She rinses out his hair and the leans over to kiss his forehead, and then the white streak for good measure.

"I think that's true," she murmurs, "but I think you'd know better than me, Mister Mage."

Callum smiles and then settles under her hands, sighing. "Thank you, Rayla."

She thinks of how he brought her back from the brink, when he was just the ghost inside her head that she didn't want, persistent and caring as always. How could she think anything else of him? How could she offer anything less in return?

She reaches forward and takes his hand, the nervous tapping quelled. "Always."

[jacksprostate]

Can you talk about how fight club is the story of a deeply closedeted gay man the wake of the aids crisis? How do his anxieties about hiv manifest?

yeah sure! i feel like i've talked about it in bits and pieces in a few different posts which I'll link here but I'll also type up a little summary. Not operating on 100% so forgive me if it's a bit all over the place.

On the narrator and Marla wrt sexuality

On the Lou scene of the movie

The central obvious joke yet not really comparison

Anyway so. I'm going to focus on the book as always but lots still generally applies to the movie and in the above links you can see a bit about the Lou scene from the movie if that's your interest.

So first I think it's important to acknowledge the narrator meets Tyler on an empty nude beach. This has a lot of connotations for a lot of reasons. Nude beaches/beaches in general have long been a gay male hookup spot. The beach is empty — it's the 90s. Many, many people have died. The narrator chose to go there — an interesting one. Stepping out of bounds a little only to be reminded of the constant threat, by how no one is there. He just watches Tyler do his thing, doesn't engage. He keeps his foot, with the AIDS-like rash on it, buried in the sand so he doesn't start dying in people's eyes (and presumably so if he ever got the gumption, he could tap it). Even if you assume the nude beach isn't specifically gay, all these things still apply, and it's still his idealized man he hallucinated all sweaty and tan.

Kind of discussed in the Marla related link above but he's like, horrifically repressed, even if he WAS straight. He can't imagine himself having sex. But when he has Tyler have straight sex (see above link for detailed thoughts on that), it's Marla he's jealous of. It is literally written that way. He is jealous of Marla stealing Tyler's attention and ruining the vibe they had with just the two of them.

Something, something, elaborate rituals for the touch of another man. Getting a big rubbery one in response to Bob. Arguably it's about him getting off on misery but it's not like it was written with regard to Chloe. And Chloe— amyl nitrite/poppers are commonly used in gay bathhouses and stuff. Used in straight sex too but yeah pretty common... Back to Bob though, this mimicry of closeness with another human being  another man in particular, staring down the gun at a man who can't functional have sex like society expects him to anymore. 

He invents a club that word for word could be swapped with gay sex for a large portion of its introduction. He is desperate for the touch of another man even if violence is the only way he can get it. Sex would be violence, in an age of being terrified of AIDS. 

The constant underlying sharing of blood and spit and contaminating food etc. All these other ways HIV is spread. But at least it wouldn't be That way. If that's his destined way to die then at least it wouldn't be like that. Dark, but.

The fucking scene about his birthmark holy shit man. Essentially, the doctors thought his birthmark was a sign of, pretty much, Kaposi's sarcoma. The cancer overwhelmingly associated with AIDS, and he's a medical marvel. Because he'd be dying from an unknown horrific disease. Now he hides the birthmark, because that unknown disease is everywhere now. <-bastardization of a line from the book. And when people see that birthmark, he starts dying in their eyes. If he was openly gay in any fashion, he'd start dying in their eyes too. The same way.

There is, distinctly, a sense of a complete lack of actual functional future. There is a sense of complete lack of role models from the past. 

The environmentalist turn even in this sense. The burden of history. He was not the one who spread the virus. There's a lot of deep, deep self hate and internalized homophobia in that. In the single time the narrator mentions gay men, too — as gay men wanting children being the cause for why all the single mothers in the clinic Marla goes to  are dying of AIDS. But that's not true. Gay men, overwhelmingly, are not the reason it went from gay men to eventually reaching women. But what he repeats is part of the societal curse upon them, and what he repeats is a chastisement, look what happens when you dare desire anything. If you actually want to act on those perversions. You curse everything and everyone. Stay repressed, or you'll die and kill everyone.

He invents Tyler. "Perfectly handsome and an angel in his everything-blond way." He invents the perfect man, who also can never infect him. Who also pisses and spits in soups, god what a conundrum — society assumes you're evil, sick, and damned, but you're still their responsibility. How do they like it. I am not glamorizing the willful spread of disease lol I don't think it's ever a sane response but in fiction it hits that like... vindictive anguish. 

Honestly, even the section I just mentioned. Where Tyler rants to the union boss. You don't actually give a single shit about me and better yet you probably hate the living shit out of me. But I am still your responsibility. You have sucked me dry til I have nothing to love, and you have everything. And the narrator says he says the same thing Tyler said, but about contaminated food. The parallels, with how that would apply to people with HIV, especially gay men. There is so, so much emphasis on the narrator's blood and how it gets all over the Pressman hotel's manager.

Fight Club, Project Mayhem — they're the designs of someone who doesn't expect to live long. The home of people who don't expect to live long. Whether that's because medical care is too expensive or because you catch a blood infection or because the cops shoot you. 

And at the end, after everything has happened, after his manic pixie dream boy helped him martyr himself, what does he really get? Idk man. Drugs that will kill his sex drive. A deep fear of himself that now has evidence for how far he can fall. A deep disillusionment. No hate, but no love either. Still just empty, now knowing he has opened pandora's box, whether he intended to or not. He can't put it back. He tried. 

Idk. something to be said about all that. Probably a lot more as well but that's just off the top of my head.

[hangmanbradshaw]

WIP

Tagged by @itshoneywhatever and @satanssugar so here's what I've got cooking.

Darkest Little Paradise:

“He deserves life.”

“And you don’t?” Jake asked, cocking his head in that way he always did.

“He’s got others. People who love him, need him. He has Ice…love.…their friends. I don’t have anything, apart from him. The world’s a better place with him in it.”

IWTBY Vacation One Shot:

He’d been a little embarrassed about his insatiable need for Bradley’s skin under his at first, but then he’d learned that the more he gave in and let himself want, open with the affection and touches, the more Bradley would blush and bat his eyes all dopily and stare at Jake like he was everything. The more he would giggle and joke and they’d lose the sexy talk to laugh at each other as they gripped onto each other’s skin and found release. The more he would chase Jake around the house after he jokingly poured ice down the back of his shirt when he was cooking. Long gone was the cool, confident, collected man he’d met all those months ago. In front of him now was his Bradley, massive dork, complete softie, so loose and carefree in his return affection.

He’d thought for so long that had just been Bradley, and it had, in a sense. It was a part of him that had always been there, but he was learning to accept the fact that he brought it out in him, had dug in and pulled it out of the rubble it had been stuck under since Bradley’s accident. Just as Bradley brought out the lightness in him, unearthed the part of himself he’d buried long ago in the Texas soil that was capable of intense love, he’d somehow become the anchor Bradley also steadied himself to. It was thrilling, and terrifying, and amazing all at once. 

He still hoped he wouldn’t break it, this fragile little thing Bradley had given to him with a sign screaming ‘handle with care.’ But every day, he saw that heart in his hands grow stronger, steadier, and every day he found his own touch holding on tighter, less afraid of what he might do to it.

He still got it wrong some days, but it was okay. They were learning. It never left a bruise anymore, just some dust that they were able to blow away together. And as for his own heart, well, he’d given it to Bradley and not looked back.

Bradley bit his lip and Jake finally pushed his hand into the waistband of Bradley’s swim trunks. He walked his fingers down his dick and then grabbed on, squeezing once before slowly pumping his fist, using the water to ease the glide. 

“Jake.” Bradley hissed, eyes darting around. He looked torn. “Someone could see.”

Jake glanced around at the open ocean. The boat swayed in the water, anchored next to them. The shore was a good few hundred feet away, the water around them empty and clear. It was why they’d chosen the various spots they had in the Greek islands- privacy. 

Proposal AU (my winter fic...hehe)

Jake tapped his foot as the elevator music that haunted his dreams at night played over the tiny speakers above him. He checked his watch again and sighed as he shifted the coffee tray in his hand. He was going to be right on time, which might as well have been thirty minutes late. The elevator doors dinged as they opened and he high tailed it out, speed walking through the lobby of the office and greeting everyone as he passed. 

He rounded the corner and thanked every deity known to mankind and animals too when there was no sign of his boss through the glass doors of his office. He set the coffee on his desk and headed back to his desk with a sigh of relief. 

“Jake.”

He looked up at the familiar voice. It was a voice he’d dreamed of frequently, though not usually in a good way, apart from the few dreams where that voice was breathing against his ear instead of snapping at him. Those dreams were almost worse than the stress dreams. He wasn’t sure what it said about his psyche that he occasionally had sex dreams about the devil incarnate, but, well, that was a thing to add to the list of his future therapy appointments he was sure he’d need after this job.

“Mr. Bradshaw, good morning.” He replied with a sunny smile. 

Bradley, as he referred to him only in his head, stopped near his desk. He looked as he always did- dark curls gelled back, scruff lining his jaw, a suit that fit perfectly hugging his body. It was a shame such a nice package had to hold such a miserable bastard, he thought. Bradley’s eyes were trained on his head, and he itched to fix his hair, sure if must’ve looked like he’d just rolled out of bed because…he had.

“Morning.” Bradley said, a little oddly. His eyes didn’t move.

Jake blinked several times when no barking order immediately followed it. He wasn’t used to getting a relatively normal greeting and he momentarily wondered if he was still dreaming. 

“Anything I can do for you this morning, sir?” He asked with that bright smile he’d perfected.

Bradley finally snapped out of it, blinking and shaking his head a bit. He cleared his throat and said, “I’ve got meetings. Hold my calls.” He stared again at his face, and Jake suddenly remembered he was still wearing his glasses, not something he usually did at work. Bradley added on, almost awkwardly, “please.”

The man walked into his office after that, leaving Jake to gape and wonder if he really was still dreaming. 

“Hey, man. Late night?” Javy asked as he popped his head over the partition of the cubicles. 

He shook his head and turned to focus on Javy. “Yeah, had a date with that guy.”

“The male model?”

“He’s a librarian.”

“Same difference.” Javy waved him off. “You gonna see him again?”

“I think so.”

A throat cleared behind him and he whirled around. Bradley was standing there with that pinched expression he got when he was pissy. 

“I said hold my calls, not gossip.”

He blinked and stood a bit straighter. “Right, sorry.” He glanced down at the box Bradley was awkwardly clutching in his hand. “You need me to do something with that?”

Bradley blinked, surprised, as if he’d forgotten about it. He shoved it behind his leg and said, “No. Get back to work, and fix your hair. I need you to come up to see the board with me in a bit.”

Bradley was gone before he could respond. He stood there, blinking after him, confused as hell by the rollercoaster of the morning. 

Untitled AU (still debating finishing this one...it came to me randomly one day and I had to write at least part of it...it's kinda a political marriage AU)

“It was good. You get off, I get off. Mutually beneficial. Everyone wins.” Jake said, wiping himself down clinically, methodically, before tossing the rag to Bradley.

“Can you at least pretend that you like it?”

“I did like it. I came, didn’t I? Mission accomplished.”

“No, I mean…” Bradley cut off, looking like he was at war with himself. “That it’s me.”

“What the fuck are you on about?”

“Shit, I don’t know! I guess I mean kissing, touching each other, being…intimate.”

“Your dick is in my ass. Doesn’t get much more intimate than that.”

Bradley gave him a look. “You know what I mean.”

“What, love, romance, is that what you’re talking about?” Jake asked, eyebrows raised. Bradley stared at him, a silent confirmation. He said, incredulously, “That’s not us.”

“It could be.”

Jake blinked several times. “Bradshaw-“

“It could be us, if we tried. If we actually gave it a shot.”

“This was always the…arrangement. Your ring on my finger, your dick in my ass every Friday, a smiling partner on your arm at work parties. We both knew the deal going in.”

“It’s not enough.”

Jake was sure his eyebrows must have been sky fucking high. “Pardon?”

“No, not like that. I mean.” Bradley cut off, cursed. He closed his eyes and refocused then said, “I see those moments, sometimes, when the real you slips out. I just…I want to know that part of you.”

[deeper-x-deeper]

I've been considering exactly what it means to me to be dominant.

what exactly is it that draws me to it? which aspects of it do I enjoy more than others? I can tell that my dominance style isn't exactly the kind you see often, so it leaves me wondering.

so many dominants out there relish the ability to bend and break a submissive through tactics that are a little more forceful. exerting their power and demanding respect, relying mostly on the submissive's consent to the dynamic in order to uphold it.

obviously there's nothing wrong with this style. it appeals to quite a large audience, considering how prevalent it can be.

but I find myself taking a somewhat different approach.

I prefer using a soft touch, a gentle guiding hand, the only force lying within my words, and only to indicate through tone of voice the difference between a statement and a command.

and I'm also delving into the why of all of this, of course. always looking for the why.

why do I prefer it this way? especially since, when I have the chance to be submissive, I do also enjoy the more typical approach.

I think I may have the answer, so if you'll allow me to ramble for a little bit I'll try to explain as best as I can.

it starts with a book I was obsessed with from a young age.

my favorite novel when I was between the ages of about 9 and 13, was White Fang by Jack London.

I remember reading it over and over and over and over, devouring every line on every page, captivated by every single word, and no matter how many times I read it, I would always want to read it again.

because, you see, even though the book describes itself as a gripping tale of a wild animal desperately fighting against nature and the Wild to survive, that's not at all what I got out of it.

to me, it wasn't a story of trials and tribulations, of trauma, of abuse, but rather a story about the nature of respect.

it was a story of a wild animal, yes, but one that found itself living among humans who all have different meanings of the word respect.

his first handlers used him as a tool, as a means to get something done, respected for his usefulness, but violently beaten down at the first sign of disobedience. respect out of fear, but a respect nonetheless.

his next set of handlers turned him into a killing machine. one so effective that he was removed from the fighting ring not because he failed, but because he was too successful, too efficient of a killer to be entertaining anymore. respected out of fear, his handlers communicated in the same language of violence he faced every day in the ring.

this isn't a book report, but this brief summary is important for my point.

because my point is where our wild animal finds himself at the end.

after a lifetime of being beaten to submission, forced to respect others out of fear of punishments so violent and frequent that they no longer served as a deterrent

only for the man to finally make him submit

to finally make him obedient without fault

is the one that decides to treat this creature with kindness, and make an effort to build trust.

a gentle hand, a kind word, is all that it takes to make this lethal force of nature bend to someone else's will.

while his punishments before were usually enacted through brutal physical violence, this new handler only has to say a firm word, or give a light tap

and it's far more effective than any beating ever was.

because to be chastised by someone who is more commonly kind means more than to be beaten into submission by someone known to be aggressive.

and that's exactly the energy that I like to bring to my own style of dominance.

I may be gentle. I may not use much force, unless of course I am asked to.

but that's because I don't need to.

I don't dominate by creating fear, I do it by building trust.

of course a submissive will obey if you threaten them with punishments, because fear is an effective motivator.

but consider a submissive that obeys their dominant, not out of fear or even respect

but because they trust their dominant so completely that they know it will always be safe and fun for them to obey.

they can trust that when they submit to me, I will provide an experience that falls within the things they enjoy. that if I push a limit, that the push is all it is, and I will never actually cross the line. that even if my command seems strange, that I have a purpose for giving it at all, one that has only your best interests in mind.

because dominance, to me, isn't about the power or the authority, but in having someone trust me to handle them with care.

and that kind of trust is the highest form of respect for me.

because how can you believe someone truly respects you if they don't trust you, too?

[invisibleraven]

online dating + rulie?

Julie scowled at the website sitting in front of her. "Remind me why I'm doing this again?"

"Because you refused to speed date, have turned down every guy that Carrie and I have set you up with, and you're constantly moaning about being single," Flynn said.

"But online dating?' Julie groaned.

"Look, we could sign you up for Tindr, but you know as well as I do that most guys on there expect only one thing," Flynn drawled. "Although, let's sign you up for that too, cuz then at least you get some."

"Flynn no!" Julie said, swiping for her phone, but failing to grasp it from her hand.

"Flynn yes!" Flynn replied. "Now finish that profile!"

Julie sighed, running her fingers through her hair. She knew Flynn would check to make sure she set up a profile, but she doubted she'd be checking if Julie actually used it... so she set up a bare bones profile, choosing a simple picture, and scowled once more as she clicked the finish program.

"Done."

Flynn glanced over the profile and rolled her eyes. "Way t put in some effort Jules. Here's your Tindr set-up."

Julie looked over the page that Flynn had set up for her, which was far better than the little effort Plenty Of Fish page Julie had done. A flattering photo, a quote from a favourite song, and enough info to make her interesting but not enough to be revealing.

"So what do I do? Start swiping?' Julie asked.

"Yup!" Flynn said. "There's a mix of guys and girls, so you have lots of options. Let's see what we got!"

They swiped left on Braydon, Brandon, Jaydon, and Jordan, a bunch of bros with fish pictures. Right on Kayla, Liam, and Andreja who all liked a few artists and authors that Julie also enjoyed. But she wasn't really upset when none of them swiped her back.

"No luck so far?" Flynn commiserated a few days later.

"Not really," Julie confessed. "I saw a few interesting people, messaged one or two, but nothing substantial."

Flynn snatched Julie's phone up, swiping back and forth before stopping, and handing Julie's phone back to her. "Him."

The picture showed a very cute guy in a black tank, giving the camera a cheeky grin. His name was Reggie and he apparently liked dogs, Star Wars, and a nice glass of wine with a rom com at the end of the day. His job was listed as musician, and his location local.

"Okay, he's pretty cute," Julie admitted, swiping right, then getting a notification that it was a match. "Oh, he swiped back!"

"You go girl!" Flynn encouraged her, waving her off to message Reggie while Flynn got them more coffee.

And message him she did!

They talked back and forth all day, finding they had a lot in common, and Julie fond Reggie was really easy to talk to. He was funny, even a bit goofy, but incredible sincere and humble. By the end of the day they exchanged numbers to text, and Julie may or may not have deleted Tindr after that.

It was weeks of back and forth, talking for hours, chatting as they watched a movie together in their own homes, Julie coaching Reggie through a recipe for her famous brownies for his MeeMaw, while Reggie gave her some ideas for a song she had been struggling with.

"You are so damn smitten with this guy," Flynn commented one day. "What's he like in real life?"

"I don't know?" Julie squeaked. "He's been travelling for his job, and I've been swamped with mine, so we haven't exactly... met."

"Julie!" Flynn exclaimed. "How do you know he's not catfishing you?"

"I trust him," Julie insisted.

"Girl... meet him. If he's all that, then I let it go," Flynn replied.

"Fine," Julie sighed. She tapped out a message to Reggie, beaming when he got back to her right away. "He says he has tickets to the Sunset Curve concert next Saturday, backstage passes and all. He wants to meet me there, get a drink after."

Flynn whistled, "How'd he score those?"

Julie shrugged. Sunset Curve was the hottest band around, scoring a number of awards last year. However they always wore masks when they played, so no one knew what they looked like, and only went by monikers, which lead to their appeal.

The next week, Julie arrived at the SoFi stadium, getting her tickets from the box office, and being escorted backstage. "The band is doing meet and greets right now, if you wait here," the nice assistant said.

Julie bit her lip, taking out her phone, letting Reggie know she was here. Though it was a bit worrying when he didn't get back to her. She paced around, looking out on the stage, the assembling crowd, the various crew who were all nice to her, even though she was sure she was in the way.

Finally the band came out, and the guy in the ornate red and gold mask-the bass player from Julie's research stopped as he saw her. "Julie?"

"Um hi?" she said, giving a little wave.

He pulled off the mask and there he was-Reggie. "You came!"

Julie was stunned as Reggie pulled her in for a hug, his smile blinding. "Y-you're..."

Reggie blushed, looking away and then back at her. "Yeah, it's kinda hard to date when you're supposed to be anonymous. So I figured I'd try just being Reggie, see how he did."

"He did pretty good," Julie admitted. "Do I need to like, sign a NDA now?"

Reggie shrugged. "Eh, I trust you."

"Reg we're on in two!" the guitarist called.

"Fuck I gotta go," Reggie swore. "You wanna hang out here for the show? Then after you can meet the rest of the guys in the green room before we go for that drink?"

"I'd like that," Julie said, and in a fit of boldness, pulled him in for a kiss. "Break a leg."

Reggie looked struck dumb, but shook himself when his bandmates called him again. "I promise to make this my best show-for you."

He dashed off, but then Julie called his name, holding up his mask, making him giggle. She put it around his face, pressing one more kiss to his mouth before he dashed off, ready to rock her world.

And Julie swore she was never admitting to Flynn that she owed her for signing her up for Tindr, but she wondered if she would accept Sunset Curve tickets as thanks. She was fairly certain that from here on out, she had a hook up for them.

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Oh gosh, I just saw some of your Brewster cv and was hopin' to see a bit more of that

I bet I can do more for him! Love doing some more lore-heavy ideas with characters and expanding on ideas.

N.ook lets out a pleased sigh as he polishes off the last of his coffee. He loved coming to B.rewster's--he was there every morning right before work. But his favorite coffees were the ones on Monday when B.rewster stocked his special coffee creamer. Even N.ook didn't know what the bird did to make it, but it was so good, he hardly needed to care. It made the cafe rather busy every Monday, of course, as just about everyone around had the same feeling as N.ook did--they couldn't get enough of the limited special. Although, the tanuki couldn't help but finally ask "I'd love to know how you make your coffee creamer."

B.rewster pauses from cleaning the cup in his wing. Hm...this was a slight problem. Normally, anyone who asks that, he uses for his next batch. It keeps curious eyes away and makes sure he has a plentiful stock. But this is different. N.ook has been one of his most loyal customers since the day he opened his shop. Not only is he a great customer, but he's an old friend, too. And he always drinks his coffee at the perfect temperate--he's never once let it cool. Turning him into cream would be a bit of a harder choice. But another idea comes to the pigeon. Perhaps...

"...why don't you come to my shop after closing? I may be able to...show you my secret recipe then...but you have to promise to keep it to yourself."

N.ook beams at the offer and gently clasps his paws together. "Lovely. I'll see you then, yes, yes."

The rest of the day goes on well, and B.rewster keeps an eye on everyone and everything until closing time. He flips the sign to closed when the last patron leaves but doesn't lock up--N.ook is there not ten minutes after closing, let in by the pigeon, who locks the door behind him.

"...follow me, please." With a gesture of his wing, B.rewster heads into the back of his shop with N.ook following behind. Today's cream had been a special one, since it was a V.aletine's day special. That cute couple--C.hip and F.lick--had practically begged the bird about his cream's recipe Sunday night. And of course, B.rewster obliged them. He'd never taken two at once, but such a loving couple was bound to make a special treat for the holiday. The pigeon shudders a bit thinking about how wonderful they felt as they cried for one another while melting down. What he wouldn't give to do it again...

Unfortunately, he can't. All that remains of the two of them is what's left sitting in the empty canisters he uses to store his cream. Clothes and bones, mostly, which he shows to N.ook once the two of them reach the back. The tanuki seems confused for a second but his eyes widen in recognition soon. "Is that..?"

"...they asked how I make my special cream," B.rewster explains. He starts cleaning the containers out, pouring the undigested bits into a bin where he stored many more cum-soaked bones and clothes. "...just like everyone else. And of course, I showed them...but you know how it is with trade secrets. Can't let them get out."

N.ook, understandably, looks nervous now. He takes a slight step back. "So then...you're going to..?"

B.rewster perks up and looks at the tanuki. "Oh, heavens, no! It's only Monday night--the cream is best at its freshest, and I only sell it once a week. No...I'm here to offer a business opportunity for you."

N.ook's ears perk up just a bit at the mention of that and he pauses. B.rewster got his attention, just like he expected. "What...kind of business opportunity?"

"...you see, I was thinking we could work together on this. I've heard many good things about tanuki cream--it might be even better than what I produce. With your help, business will skyrocket here, and I can sell twice as much cream."

"You're asking me to digest your customers--our neighbors, the people I'm responsible for, yes, yes?" N.ook gently taps his paws together. "I don't know if--"

"...it's either that or I'll have to sell tanuki flavored cream next Monday," B.rewster says. "And I'd rather not do that to my best customer. On top of that, you'll be given half the profits on Monday."

N.ook perks up immediately at that again and his tail swishes ever so slightly. Any qualms or worried he seemed to have about this were suddenly gone. He takes B.rewster's hand and shakes it with a smile. "Then it'll be a pleasure doing business with you, yes, yes."

Come the following Sunday, N.ook and B.rewster sit in the back of the shop, their bloated nuts churning and groaning wetly over a couple of squirming meal. B.rewster is quite used to this, but N.ook's panting and huffing shows that he's not. "Don't let him out early," B.rewster advises. "You have to wait for that exactly moment that his body is reduced to a slurry before release. And make sure you get it all in the canister! Can't waste a drop!"

"Y-Yes, yes..." N.ook pants. He was having a hard time not stroking his cock, which is already dripping pre like a faucet. "I-It's a shame...about those dodo brothers, though. We'll...need new pilots..."

"I'm sure you'll find someone," B.rewster reassures. "You always do. Besides, this will be a wonderful test to see which cream is more popular--I imagine twins tend to taste the same."

Come Monday, the coffee shop would be bustling from morning to night. N.ook's cream was a massive success, and it was driving up business like crazy. B.rewster was starting to realize he might not be able to keep the cream as a one-day treat. He swears that half his customers were asking about the new batch and how it was made!

...well, perhaps there's no harm in turning it into a regular thing. There's always new customers coming in every day. And with N.ook as his business partner...B.rewster has nothing to worry about. He's sure the tanuki will be more than happy to do this every night with him from now on.

[mickgaydolenz]

so, i was reading 17° Aquarius which is what Micky's Mars is in and it was... interesting. i mean it's main theme is egotism and being dependent on others for stimulation; corruption and selfishness at its very worse. there's some merit to this but i only say that confidently because his Mars is in his 12H.

while the 4H represents the hidden life, and 8H represents the hidden mind, the 12H represents just being hidden in general; whether its abilities, emotions, opinions, the past, whatever is placed there. it's only accessed/activated -- other than for a profection year -- either willingly, or being forced to tap into it. especially so if there's aspects to it. it's also the last house which often represents endings and closure, answers given, and healing from old wounds.

majority of the time people will either totally ignore whatever's in this house or they'll escape into it to avoid reality. sure, you can ignore or run to your 12H placements for as long as you want, but they will always come back to bite you in the ass. everyone like's to throw karma around here, but that word has become so overused that it overtime lost it's original meaning, to which i cannot even define, as it's been bastardized to fit the white person's spiritual lexicon (thank you colonialism very cool /s). soooo a better way of describing this house is a house of personal retribution.

the reason im bringing this up is not to talk so much about Micky's 12H, since it's only his Mars there ...so sorry worldwide Micky girls nation <\3. although i will say, when i read "susceptibility to physically illness if frustrations grow intense" i got worried, so my eyes are closer than ever on that old man. watching him like a hawk as we speak.

i'm bringing this up because i've mentioned before about Mike's 12H and how that might've came into play when he had that "i got it" moment in his life. we actually have some telling placements here. he has three: his South Node, and asteroids Vesta and Pallas.

im actually not gonna talk about his asteroids because it's not why i'm here in your inbox. why i'm here is to discuss his South Node. this is extremely important, Mike girls. you should take notes. its gonna get melancholic.

in astrology, we have these things called Moon Nodes. you have a North and a South Node, and they will always be opposing each other in opposing signs, because they're supposed to; the North Node represents the present life, the quest, growth, while South Node represents the past life, the resource, our blockages. do you see where this is going?

i could explain the Nodes themselves, as it does give way to fully realizing their curriculum in his chart, but ive honestly hadn't gotten around to fully understanding them just yet because i'm still stuck on degree theory. i'm only sharing what i know and what i'm currently reading on them so that i can explain this correctly. you can read here and here if you sincerely need to know the details. all you have to know for this is that his NN is in Leo 6H and his SN in Aquarius 12H. i've already explained the 12H, but the 6H deals with daily living, organization, service and health. now you are bueno *whip crack effect* 👍

tw death mention coming up here//

i've been quietly busy piecing things together to see what important placements were there in-around the times of death for the three. mistakenly, at first, i would focus heavily on their profection year they died and the aspects to it, without even considering the years before that would lead up to that. those prior years do in fact play a role here. what i've found is that there's no one important placement, aspect or degree that can encompass a death-like sentence to someone's astro makeup. while astrology cannot predict when or even how someone will die, what we can do is posthumously see what important factors lead to their passing.

in Mike's case, he passed in his 7H profection year; the year before, he was in his 6H; to note, he actually has a stellium here, which are all entirely retrograded, but that's not important to this. and guess what was there? because this was the year of 2020, when everyone was isolated and recollecting themselves; this was his Node's last attempts to sober him up before it all ended, and it had to do so by sheer force.

you know what happened next? he stopped hiding.

even after Davy had passed and he gave in to touring with his surviving band members, he still seemed to isolate himself after the show was over. barely showing for interviews with the others. didn't spill himself too much that wasn't about what was going on around him. he kept to himself as always and no one tried too hard to pry him. the usual Michael Nesmith routine.

but after Peter had passed, i think something just snapped in him. for some reason i feel like he found himself more comfortable being vulnerable after Peter was gone... really strange stuff. almost like he was afraid of being or feeling similar to him? ffs i wish he was still alive so i could ask him cause it's gonna kill me otherwise.

but now, amidst the chaos of 2020, instead of running away into comfort and escaping from being vulnerable, he brought those vulnerabilities out instead, especially so on stage. if i had to guess anything about Mike during this time, is that he just wanted to heal. he so badly wanted to mend things even after things were too late & far gone, which i would also include his physical health here too, as 6H rules physical health -- Micky did say he had health issues for a long while. but his struggles trying to communicate that among other things made it a too-little-too-late issue (uh-oh girls, it's his Saturn Rx 3H eating him alive!).

but what he could mend at that moment, he did, and what he was able to mend was his relationship to his audience. remember when we talked about this before with Peter? sighs. Mike went YOINK and took those lessons without directly discussing him, whether he knew it or not. he is sooooo irritating ❤

i'll end this off by sharing this: in one of my sources i have that actually talks about the Nodes, there's a section where the author explains the Nodes through the lens of different religious and cultural mythologies. of course, since we're talking about Mike, the Christian version stood out to me most for this case, which brings in the story of Adam & Eve. at first i passed it off cause it's only a short paragraph in a sea of much more lengthier mythologies, but the more i read it the more enlightening it became to me.

here's the direct quote:

"Eve draws Adam into the world of duality, relationship and further incarnation, by listening to the serpent. Later, Eve having given birth to Mary, God enters mankind through her, thus bringing the Christ out of Adam. Here I would understand Eve and Mary to be representing two different facets of the cosmic feminine principle. So by listening to the serpent, we move further into duality and the world of form, and by listening to God, we are reconnected with unity."

and in the end, Mike finally listened to God. properly. for once in his life.

.

[jampc]

last summer whisper

pairing: platonic!jotaro × jolyne × okuyasu × josuke × tomoko × joseph

characters: joseph joestar, jotaro kujo, josuke higashikata, tomoko higashikata ,okuyasu nijimura.

words: 2,015

content warnings: none.

tags: fluff, sfw, family bonding.

rating: G

a/n: this might be my favorite scenario because I love josuke and okuyasu a lot and I think they would get along with jolyne a lot,I guess I'm just a fan of the three of them together :')

jotaro kujo and his daughter, jolyne, are in japan to visit some relatives. the girl has always been fascinated with her father's home country, and asked to visit it frequently. she loves seeing new places, so this is no exception. they're staying with jotaro's grandfather, joseph joestar, who lives in a traditional japanese house near the ocean.

"what's this place called?" jolyne asks, looking down at the sign.

"this is morioh-cho," says joseph. "it's a small seaside town."

"morioh-cho," repeats jolyne, tasting the word. "cool."

joseph laughs. "there's not much to see here, but you should go sight-seeing with your father sometime."

"where should we go?" asks jolyne.

"hmm." joseph taps his chin. "how about the old man's place?"

jotaro frowns. "i've told you to stop calling him that."

"sure thing, youngster."

jolyne giggles. "old man."

"ah, don't tease him," joseph says, but he's grinning too.

"come on, dad," jolyne says, tugging on jotaro's sleeve. "let's go!"

they get a taxi, and jolyne watches the scenery outside the car window. it's a sunny day, and the sky is a bright blue. jolyne wonders what kind of birds are flying around up there.

when the taxi stops in front of an small house, jolyne gets out and looks around.

“josepphh~fuuuu♡ kya ♡kya ♡kya~~~~!!!!”

tomoko higashikata screams at the top of her lungs, startling jolyne. she runs towards the taxi and wraps her arms around jotaro.

"d-dad..." jolyne mumbles.

“tomoko, why do you do this every time i come over, i’m not joseph. you know that, right? my name is jotaro kujo. say it. jotaro. jotaro kujo. not joseph joestar, okay? and stop screaming like that, it's embarrassing."

"oh my god, jotaro! i can't believe it's actually you! i mean, of course you're actually here, but you're in japan again!"

"i told you i was coming, and i even called you ahead of time."

“who’s this cutie? oh my gosh, she's adorable! you must be the famous jolyne!" tomoko picks up jolyne and gives her a big hug.

jolyne blinks. "uh, hi. i'm jolyne."

"you can call me auntie if you want to," says tomoko. "we're practically family after all!"

jotaro rolls his eyes. "she's my daughter, tomoko."

"awww, so cute!" tomoko coos.

jotaro grumbles something about 'the joys of fatherhood'.

jolyne feels a little embarrassed. she doesn't know what to do.

"come on inside," says tomoko, letting jolyne go. "i just finished making lunch."

the front door opens, and a boy walks out of the house. he has black hair, and his face looks familiar.

“oh, josuke!" tomoko says. "just in time!"

josuke freezes when he sees jolyne.

"um... hi," says jolyne. "i'm jolyne."

“i’m your great great grand uncle! and your dad is my nephew!! wow, that's wild!" josuke holds out his hand for a handshake. "nice to meet you."

jolyne looks at jotaro, who nods. she smiles and takes josuke's hand. "nice to meet you too."

"well, i'm starving," says tomoko. "let's eat."

the four of them sit down at the table. jolyne eats her rice with her hands, which makes josuke look surprised. she wonders if she did something wrong.

"it's so good!" jolyne says. "the rice is really fluffy!"

"i'm glad you like it," says tomoko.

jolyne glances at josuke, who's staring at her. "is something wrong?"

"no!" josuke says quickly. "nothing at all!"

after lunch, tomoko takes jolyne upstairs and shows her the guest room. it's got a big window, and jolyne can see the ocean outside. there's also a futon on the floor.

"you can use that," says tomoko. "i'll get your suitcase for you."

"thanks," says jolyne. she sits down on the futon and looks out the window. the view is nice. she wonders how long they're going to stay here.

when tomoko comes back with jolyne's suitcase, she tells her that she can go explore the town if she wants to with josuke.

“really?" jolyne asks. "thanks!"

josuke is waiting outside. he waves at jolyne and smiles. "you ready?"

jolyne nods and follows him outside.

"so, uh...do you want to meet some of my friends?” josuke asks as they walk down the street.

"sure," says jolyne. "who?"

"well, there's okuyasu, and then there's also..."

josuke goes on talking about his friends, but jolyne doesn't pay attention. she just nods and smiles when she needs to. she wants to be nice, but she's kind of bored. she looks around as they walk. there are a lot of people out today.

“okuyasu!" josuke yells, waving his hand in the air. "over here!"

a tall boy comes over and waves back. he walks towards them with long strides.

"hey josuke," says okuyasu. "who's this?"

"this is jolyne," josuke says. "my nephew's daughter."

"what?" okuyasu looks at jolyne. "wait... your nephew?"

"my great great grand nephew," says josuke. "his dad is my nephew, my nephew's dad is his nephew, and so on."

okuyasu looks confused.

josuke rolls his eyes. "never mind."

"josuke, man, you really need to learn how to talk properly." okuyasu turns to jolyne and smiles. "i'm okuyasu nijimura. nice to meet you."

jolyne smiles back. "nice to meet you too."

"do you wanna go to the arcade or something?" asks josuke.

"sure," says okuyasu. “jolyne get on my back you must be tired, huh?"

jolyne gets on okuyasu's back, and he carries her down the street.

"here we are," okuyasu says. he lets jolyne down on the sidewalk.

jolyne stares up at the building in front of her. it looks like a huge, red tower, and there are all sorts of things hanging on the side of it. there are also metal platforms sticking out from the sides, and lots of people are walking around them.

"whoa," jolyne says. "that's a long way up."

"yup," says okuyasu. "let's go inside."

inside the arcade, jolyne finds out that there's a bunch of different machines inside, all with different games. there's a screen and a joystick on them, but no buttons or buttons. she tries pressing the buttons on a few of them, but nothing happens.

"what's this game?" jolyne asks okuyasu.

"that's a fighting game," says okuyasu. "you can play against me if you want."

"really?" asks jolyne. "what does it involve?"

"i'll show you," says okuyasu. he chooses a character from the screen, and jolyne chooses another one. then the screen turns black, and a white figure with a big head appears on the screen. a sound effect plays, and then okuyasu starts tapping the joystick.

the white figure on the screen moves around, and okuyasu moves his joystick to match the movements. the white figure punches and kicks, and okuyasu blocks them. he jumps and kicks the white figure, who falls down. the screen flashes red, and the word 'ko' appears.

"you did it!" says okuyasu. "i lost!"

"how did you do that?" asks jolyne.

"i just move the stick like this, and then when i hit him i press the button."

"cool!" jolyne presses the buttons on the machine, and nothing happens.

"try doing it like this," says okuyasu, moving his hand across the joystick.

jolyne presses the buttons again, and this time she manages to do it. her character slams into the ground, and then a screen appears saying 'ko'.

"good job!" says okuyasu. "you're a natural at this."

"i wanna play against jolyne now, see if she can beat the master!" josuke says to okuyasu.

"bring it on," says okuyasu. he gets out of the seat. "go ahead, jolyne."

they fight and jolyne ends up taking josukes 1st place spot, much to josuke's dismay. they keep playing until the arcade closes.

"we should go home," says josuke. "my mom will be mad at us if we stay out too late."

they walk back home in silence. the sky is turning dark, and a few stars are coming out.

when they get home, tomoko is sitting on the couch reading a book. she looks up when they enter the house.

"how was it?" she asks. "did you have fun?"

"yeah, we played a bunch of games," says josuke. "i lost to jolyne though."

"wow, really?" says tomoko. "i'm surprised."

"dad, let me stay up for a little bit," says jolyne. "please?"

jotaro scowls. "no. you need to go to bed now."

"but dad-"

"jolyne." jotaro looks at her sternly. "bedtime."

jolyne pouts but doesn't argue any further. she goes to her room and sits on the futon. she's not really tired yet, and she wonders what she's going to do tomorrow. she guesses she could go swimming or something. she thinks about all the fun she had today, and wonders if she'll get to go out and play tomorrow too.

she lies down on the futon and closes her eyes. she can hear the waves crashing against the shore outside, and the sound lulls her to sleep.

when she wakes up in the morning, josuke is sitting next to her. he's smiling and holding a plate with cookies on it.

"oh, hey josuke," says jolyne, sitting up. "good morning."

"morning," says josuke. "i made cookies for you." he hands her the plate. "my mom baked them."

jolyne takes a cookie and bites into it. it's chocolate chip and soft and delicious. "thanks."

"we're going to go to the beach later," josuke says. "do you want to come?"

"yeah!" jolyne says. "definitely!"

"cool," says josuke.

later that day, jolyne follows josuke to the beach. it's a sunny day, and there are a lot of people there. jotaro is standing by the shore with okuyasu and joseph, watching the ocean.

jolyne walks over to them and joins them by the shore. the water is very clear, and she can see the rocks on the bottom of the sea. there are shells scattered around on the sand too, and she picks one up and shows it to her father.

"this is cool," says jolyne. "see?" she puts the shell in his hand. "you can see all the things that are under the water."

jotaro looks at the shell, then at jolyne. "yeah," he says quietly. he puts the shell back down on the sand, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a seashell of his own. it's small, but it has a pink glow to it. jotaro turns it around in his hand, and jolyne notices that the light seems to be coming from inside the shell.

"what's that?" she asks.

"it's a gift," says jotaro. "my father gave it to me after one of his tours."

jolyne holds out her hand for him to give it to her. he looks at her for a second, then places the shell in her hand.

jolyne smiles and looks down at the shell. it's warm to the touch, and it smells like the sea. jotaro closes it inside of her hand and covers it with his own hand.

"i hope you like it," he says softly.

jolyne grins at him. "i love it! thanks dad!" she puts the shell in her pocket, then runs back towards josuke and okuyasu. she sees them building sandcastles, and decides to help them out.

jotaro watches them build their sandcastles with amusement. he knows they're just playing, but he also knows that jolyne will enjoy herself all the same. he sits down next to joseph on the beach and sighs.

“something wrong?" joseph asks him.

jotaro shakes his head. "no." he looks over at jolyne, who is laughing as she plays in the sand with josuke and okuyasu. "she seems happy."

joseph grins at him. "of course she is." he pats jotaro on the back. "she's spending time with her family."

jotaro doesn't say anything in response, but joseph can see the smile on his face.

a few weeks later, jotaro returns to america and jolyne goes back home to florida. she keeps the seashell he gave her as a souvenir. it's become her most prized possession, and she likes looking at it whenever she feels sad or lonely. it reminds her of her dad, and she thinks about him whenever she touches it.

[valdestrate]

I've started working at a certain thrift store known for its values. I was texting my mother about how I might not be cut off out for people pleasing retail and people yes people, not just therapists, have been telling me to write/ keep my writing more. So I decided to save this text and I'm not sure what to do with it so I'm saving it here. If by some reason another person ever reads this I would appreciate any character building you can give me!

The main example of why I'm not cut out for this. The Tardilious! This lady that came to donate today who passed right by the line up, stopped in the middle of the enter/exit lane and got out of her car. I told her she couldn't stop in the road but I'd pause traffic in our unloading lane and she could cut in quick. She gave me this smarmy "the guy ahead of me did '' and I said I told him it wasn't allowed either. He had one item in his hands already so he threw it to me over his truck and immediately left. So she gets back in her car And pulls into the area that I asked her to. Well then she just stays there in her vehicle and I kinda like walk over to the window to look at her. She's on her phone tap tap tapping life away and I'm busy. If she's not ready, I keep moving, to the vehicle behind her, see if any of them need a hand with anything. I recognize they are more easy going people as soon as they comment how busy I look and they're fine unloading into the bin themselves. 90% of the time most people do. Either it's a two person job, they're in a hurry/trying to hurry for my sake, or it's an old person dealing with a awkward, heavy, or a large load, but people like showing they're doing something. Maybe they feel their good dead or "charity" doesn't mean as much if they pull up with a bunch of garbage AND sit on their assess while a minimum wage employee frantically unloads their vehicle. I dunno but long story longer while they unloaded into the bin I turn my attention to the lady ahead of them that was on her phone but now was out of her car walking towards her trunk. I have a bullshit meter that's fairly low. My fuse has always been short but I make Buddha lament in sackcloth and ashes his inadequacy of patience compared to mine so it usually stays pretty balanced between the two and she had not blown my bullshit fuse. Yet. So I start with my apolowing (apologize explaining, not to be confused with Apolloing, which is blowing up. Usually in space on live TV) and she cuts me off "do you guys not go in order?".

Bullshit meter climbing.

"Pardon me" I am genuinely confused at what she possibly could mean

"The sign in front of me says to wait on your vehicle and an attendant will come do it"

Right! I forgot about that sign. But it doesn't say anywhere that we will just start unloading your vehicle, just that we will come AND ask if you we can help

"Yes of course Miss! I tried but your window was up and you were busy on your phone" I happily and confidently respond

"Whatever"

She throws back like verbal pancake covered in syrup

"Well is there anything I can do for you now? Can I help you unload?"

Pancake --dodged

"No, I can do it myself"

She throws out to the crowd of Facebook followers in her mind like Rocky might throw out to the crowd in response to his challenger telling him he can't. That is if Rocky was about a beauty pagant instead of boxing and played by Honey booboos mom instead Sylvester Stallone.

She immediately whispers useless under her breath. I cheerily say

"Well in that case how about a coupon?"

Pancake? Eaten

Coals of fire? Smells like burning hair

She snaps around with her hands outstretched, sees my big grin hiding my sweaty flushed face and the line of traffic, half a dozen people unloading their own stuff looking at this failed suburban mom in the very unflatteringly horizontal bright striped shirt berating a thrift store grunt working for a charity after she just cut in front of everyone. She pauses, stammers a "no thank you" and takes off.

I'm immediately back to work. Tell the whole thing to my supervisor later and he doesn't seem bothered. I feel like I need write a book about the different types of people I meet dropping off stuff. Need to create classes to assign them to, highlight the general different types and differences/nuances, and combine that with individual stories and "highlights"

[little-girl-big-world]

im useless at this writing thing

hello. not to start this on a negative note but I have been meaning to write for soooo long and it's taken me far too long. But honestly, I think it is actually a good sign because I feel like my life is currently fulfilled and I feel pretty consistent at the same time which is honestly the dream. it is something I have been craving for so long and it is so easy to take for granted once it happens but it is so important to reflect and give myself a tap on the back.

So lets take a look at Emily's world currently. I am feeling really happy in the apartment, I want to be home and I make the place look nice, how good is that. it almost feels like the standard now but when I think back and think ruby and I were nearly homeless living out of tote bags at the beginning of 2022, I have come far. and omg I am so much more settled. Ella and Ruby are immaculate house mates, I am so comfortable and having Rory around is nice to have a man living here, also great for bills.

Work. Work is fine. I am learning to accept that I am not going to be in my dream job right now and that is okay. I am moving forward in my career and that is all that matters. I am still learning and getting experience so I cannot complain. I do however feel I want to shift into something slightly different at some point in the future, I want to use my brain more and do more writing because that will definitely fulfil me more. at the moment I feel very operational but it is paying the bills and working in a big advertising agency on a big account like Myer is cool for now. I have definitely noticed the increase in my money with the increased salary so that is always nice.

I have a lover. I finally have a lover. Wow I never thought I would see this day. its even crazy to write this and how much pressure I put on myself to find someone and its one of those things once you have it, you wonder why you worried about it and realise yes it is great but I could also definitely survive without it. and I always will. I think I almost just got obsessed with the idea and obviously the comparing around me as well. but Dan is great, he treats me like an absolute queen, he is a very attractive man and although his jokes aren't always fun, I enjoy his company and the things we do together. It is has been about 2.5 months which is wild because it feels about that but also longer. We have been out for many lovely dinners and drinks, he has taken me surfing down the coast, he came camping to Wilsons Prom with my friends last weekend, I've met his friends as well and it is a sweet little thing we have growing. so I am just trying to enjoy it for now and navigate the idea of dating and learning what I like and don't like and it is fun! We are extremely sexually attracted to each other and we have a lot of sex which is always fun but he still hasn't made me orgasam but we will get there. We have had sex on the beach and in an alley way in Collingwood so hey that is some bucket list items ticked off. Dreams like that are so funny because you want them for so long and then once you get it, it often is not as amazing as you think, which is funny how life is like that because the 'looking forward to something' is more exciting than the event itself. But yeah who knows where things will go with Dan but it is nice to just focus on it for now and not look too far into the future and it will pan out how it is meant to.

Apart from that, I go to Europe in about 2 months which is pretty wild!! It will come around so quickly. Isabel and I have booked a lot of things and it has been pretty cheap which is good and I think we will have a blast so that will be cool!! 5 weeks of travel will be sooo nice.

Tomorrow morning, Ruby and I are going to Pitch festival which is exciting, even though we are a little nervous for a camping big music festival, it will be fun to let off some steam and be young wild and free. And then next weekend Poppy, Amy and Brooke are coming to visit which will be fun!! March has been crazy but hey living in the fast lane is fun. and why bloody not.

So that is all from me but I feel good to have written, never something I regret xx

[mira-blue]

did i hear drabbles?👀

anyways: hp and marcy. just them being grandpa and granddaughter

Hop Pop loved his grandkids. Loved them more than anything. He'd move mountains for them, jump into a pit full of zapapedes for them, spend hours toiling away in the farm to provide a good life for them.

But he'd be lying if he said that Marcy wasn't a breath of fresh air.

For one, no one else had ever been this enthusiastic about going seed shopping with him before. Anne, Sprig, and Polly all found it painfully boring, preferring to spend their time in Grub & Go when he went to The Seed Shop.

And she wasn't simply indulging him, either - she was practically bouncing with excitement as she scanned the shelves with shining eyes, asking him question after question about their properties and needs.

"Never met a young'un so interested in farming before," Hop Pop chuckled as he dumped a bag of turnip seeds into their cart.

Marcy stuck her tongue out in concentration as she scribbled something in her notebook, then shot him a smile. "I've always been interested in it, actually! Back home, I used to have my own garden."

Hop Pop raised an eyebrow, genuinely impressed. "Did you, now?"

"Yes! It was - well - it wasn't anything like your farm, Hop Pop, but it was special. To me, at least. And I used to help Anne's dad around in their garden, too! He was always so patient..." Marcy trailed off, lost in thought for a moment, before she snapped her fingers and let out a "Ha! Which is kind of funny, now that I think about it, because his favourite flower was the impatien."

Hop Pop pushed their cart along the aisle, Marcy slowing her pace down to stay next to him. "Never heard of an impatien before," he mused.

"Yeah, I've noticed," Marcy said, tapping her pen against her knuckles. "A lot of the plant life in Amphibia is vastly different than the ones on Earth. I've been creating my own plant-cyclopedia, as a matter of fact!"

"Well, ain't that impressive! You're quite the scholar, Marcy."

Marcy seemed taken aback by the compliment for a moment, before breaking out into a grin. "Thank you! Makes me glad to know I've got your approval; like I've said before, you frogs are the backbone of - holy Frog, are those tomato seeds?"

Before Hop Pop could respond, she was off, wandering away towards the bags of tomato seeds - bags covered in huge, red warning signs.

"Er, Marcy," Hop Pop said when he caught up with her. "I dunno how your Earth tomatoes are like, but these ones are labelled as dangerous for a reason."

Marcy waved him off, examining the bags closely. "I know, I know. I lead a tomato-hunt, once. But - fascinating that there's so many here! Do you think it's a safer variant?"

"I don't think these plants could ever be anywhere near safe," Hop Pop muttered, shuddering at the memory of a slimy tomato throat.

"Hm," Marcy hummed. "Maybe not, but I'd still like to try them! Give me a hand, will you?"

Hop Pop relented with a sigh, carrying the bag with Marcy. "Y'know, Marcy, had it been any of the other kids, I would've said no. But I know you can be trusted with this."

Marcy fumbled with her side of the bag, almost dropping it. She looked at him with an unreadable expression - he could've sworn it was guilt. "You...really think so?"

He reached up to pat her arm. "I do, kiddo. You've got a sharp mind, but I can tell you've got a good heart, too."

The almost-guilty expression stayed on for a few heartbeats, until Marcy smiled again. "Thanks, Hop Pop. That means a lot."

"Of course," he dusted off his hands. "Now, why don't we go check what's in the edible seeds section? I want seeds that I can eat, instead of the other way around."

Marcy laughed, walking with a spring in her step, already inquiring about edible seeds, and Hop Pop realized that maybe - just maybe - he had space for one more grandchild.

[rubysunnday]

your song | c.b

Summary: Being in love with Colin Bridgerton is hard when the man keeps running off to different continents for months at a time. But the letters he writes and the songs he sends keep the romance alive.

It had been six, long months since Y/N had last seen Colin Bridgerton.

He had gone off travelling again, disappearing off one night with nothing more than a kiss on the cheek goodbye and a promise to write.

The romance between Y/N and Colin had struck out of nowhere. One night they'd been dancing as nothing more than friends and the next moment, there was something more. The way his hands tightened on her waist whenever Cressida said something mean felt different. The way he wrote her notes with every bunch of flowers he sent read differently.

The way he took her hand as she stepped out a carriage, his fingers gently entwining with hers, felt different.

Y/N had fallen head over heels for a man who hated staying in the same place for more than a week. And it was annoying.

He'd written to her more than he had his own family. He wrote to her everyday, judging from the dates on his letters and they arrived in bundles from the postman, all tied with a ribbon that somehow managed to match the dress she was wearing that day.

In the dozens of letters Colin had sent her, he wrote down every detail of the place he was in from the sunsets to the colour of the postboxes. The friends he was traveling with were both music students, desperate for either a career break or to find a new purpose in life.

One of them, Freddy, has been teaching me about the beauty of song writing and how all great pieces of music begin. I'm nowhere near the grandure of Mozart or the beauty of Beethoven or any musicale we've ever attended, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

I've found that in my writings there's always one thing I can never quite describe correctly. I search through books for the right words that could even begin to do you justice, my dear Y/N, but I find none. There's no word for describing the way you watch a musicale, or the way you talk about art and reading. There's no word on earth that could do you justice.

So, I hope this poor man's attempt at a song, written under strict guidance and a watchful eye, will begin to convey, just how much I love you.

Y/N had read the letter over and over, her eyes scouring each and every line, taking in the sloppy slant of Colin's handwriting and how he smudged the ink in his desperation to write and write and write.

She pulled out the final sheet of the letter and let out a small surprised gasp. It was a piece of music, the notes written precisely and intricately, the lyrics written messily and scrunched up underneath it. It was obvious which part Colin had been trusted with.

To Y/N

Your Song - by Colin Bridgerton

Y/N stood up from her desk and walked over to the pianoforte that sat in the corner of her room, covered in a thin layer of dust. Y/N wasn't an expert on the pianoforte, her and Colin had bonded over their failed attempts at playing. Colin could sing, though. And as Y/N read through the lyrics, tentatively playing a couple of notes on her dust keys, she could hear him singing it, his hand in her hair as they watched the sunset from the garden bench at Bridgerton House.

Their romance had been kept quiet. The ton was used to the two being openly affectionate with each other, constantly hugging or holding hands and none of them realised when it turned from friendship to romance.

Y/N and Colin had sat in the rose garden of Aubrey Hall one summer night, the sounds of the ball drifting over to them along the gentle breeze. Colin had quietly begun singing along to the song, his hands gently tracing a dance on Y/N's bare arm as she rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes shut.

Colin's singing voice was beautiful. And as Y/N played the song he'd written for her, she could imagine him sitting beside her and singing along, his hands over hers as she slowly played the notes.

Attending the opera without him felt bizarre. They'd begun a routine of sitting next to each other in the box, sharing the opera glasses and softly commenting on the music, the costumes, the lighting.

Y/N sat down in the box, scooting her chair close to the balcony. Her mother sat down next to her and sighed happily as she took in the view.

"Isn't this lovely?" She asked, picking up her opera glasses and looking through them at the stage. "I do love a concert."

Y/N said nothing, merely nodded. She kept thinking back to Colin's letter, of his promised return home in time for the concert. In time for him to sit down next to her, take her hand, and whisper about the music.

Y/N glanced up at the box the Bridgerton's sat in and tried not to let out a defeated sigh - still no Colin. Francesca caught her looking and gave her a sympathetic smile along with a shake of her head and Y/N turned back to the stage, trying not to let the disappointment sink in.

The orchestra began warming up, the music notes blending in with the quiet chatter of the audience. Y/N couldn't stop her eyes from constantly scanning the audience, the stage, the boxes, for any sign of Colin.

An excited whisper went over the audience as the lights were dimmed and the lights on the stage that illuminated the thick, red curtain were turned on.

For a minute there was silence. And then the orchestra began playing as the curtain flew up, revealing the actors on the stage.

My gift is my song, and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody

Y/N felt her heart do a bizarre skip. She recognised those words. She'd read them over and over again each night before she went to sleep. The piece of paper they had arrived on was now well worn and creased and she'd meticulously copied out the notes and the lyrics for fear of loosing them.

She scanned the audience again and felt her heart stop. The concert faded away as she focused on the man standing in the corner near the side door, a tiny smile on his face.

Colin Bridgerton stood with his hands behind his back, smiling up at her, his chin covered in the stubble of a beard. He was tanner then before and his hair had gotten lighter but it was still Colin.

Her Colin.

You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue Anyway the thing is, what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Y/N giggled and felt a smile appear on her face as she gave Colin the smallest wave possible, not wanting to attract attention. Colin waved back and nodded to the door that led to the auditorium. Y/N nodded in return and watched Colin disappear out the side door.

"Go on, then," Y/N's mother said, tapping her daughter's knee. "Go find him."

Y/N quietly slipped from her seat and pushed open the curtain, blinking at the bright lights in the corridor.

As she made her way down to the auditorium, she could hear angry voices that were trying not to yell. She rounded the corner and saw Anthony, Violet and Benedict Bridgerton all standing in front of a bemused looking Colin.

"You said you'd be back by the concert!" Anthony hissed, clearly irritated by Colin's lateness.

"It's hardly my fault the train got stuck by a tree, is it, Anthony?" Colin asked, sighing. "I'm here now, however, am I not? Stop fussing."

Anthony went off again, flailing his limbs around as he tried to knock some sense into Colin, his mother trying to be the peace maker between the two as Benedict tried, and failed, not to laugh.

"This isn't funny, Benedict!" Anthony snapped, turning to face his other brother as he snorted.

Benedict's smirk faded as he realised he was about to be on the end of Anthony's rant. He sighed and crossed his arms, physically bracing himself as Anthony went off again.

Colin, looking both bemused and annoyed at his family, turned and spotted Y/N, hovering at the stop of the stairs. His face fell from an annoyed smirk into a stunned smile as he stared up at her.

"They're actually both," Y/N said to Colin, her voice quiet enough that the three other Bridgerton's present had yet to realise she was there.

"What are?" Colin asked, walking up to meet her, taking each step slowly.

"My eyes," Y/N replied, smiling, dropping the skirt of her dress. "They're both colours."

Colin chuckled and looked like he was blushing. "I told you I wasn't good at song writing."

"Everyone else seemed to enjoy it," she replied as she heard the audience applaud loudly.

"Because Freddy worked on it for months until tonight," Colin replied. "Even then he wasn't sure about performing it. If he'd performed the version I'd written the ton would be complaining. I'm not very good at it."

"I think you're better at it than you believe, Mr Bridgerton," Y/N said as she continued walking down until they were both on the large step that broke up the stairs. "I'm not sure about the beard, however."

"Why?" Colin asked, a hand subconsciously flying to his chin and running across the stubble.

"Well, it just means that every time I go to kiss you, I will have to be tickled and scratched by it," she replied, her hand covering the one resting on his chin. She entwined her fingers with his. "But I can live with that."

Colin laughed and leant forward, kissing Y/N with the passion and desperation of not seeing her for six months. His hand rested on the back of her head, carefully minding her hair as his thumb stroked her skin.

"I think I'm going to stay here for now," Colin said softly, breaking apart from her, resting his forehead on hers. "Stay with you."

Y/N looked up at him, feeling his breath on her cheeks. "Colin Bridgerton, are you -"

"Yes," Colin said, cutting her off. "I am. Because it took being apart from you for six months to realise what I was missing. To realise that I travel the world searching for purpose and reason, when, in reality, my reason is you. The purpose of my entire being is you.

"Without you, I'm half a man. Without you, the travelling begins to feel like running away and I don't want to run from you. I want to take your hand and run with you. Forever if we wanted. I can run until you can't run anymore. And when you can't run anymore, I'll carry you."

Y/N smiled, pressing her lips together as she savoured the taste of his kiss. "Words are your forte, Mr Bridgerton," she said softly, stroking the side of his head, threading her fingers through his curls. "I'll run with you to the end of the world and back again. I'll take your hand in mine and I will never let you go. Not again."

Colin pressed his lips to her and Y/N smiled against his lips before returning the kiss. He smelt of his cologne, the sweet caramel biscuits he loved and, somehow, the floral, homely scent of Bridgerton House

He smelt of home. He was her home. Simply being in his arms was enough.

"I've just realised something," Colin whispered in her ear.

Y/N looked up at him, staring into his eyes. "What?"

"My family is watching us."

Y/N glanced behind him and saw the three Bridgerton's pretending to occupy themselves with anything else. Benedict was investigating a painting, Anthony was admiring the ceiling and Violet had been reading the program but glanced up at them with a smile.

And despite it all, Y/N let out a snort of laughter and dropped her head on to Colin's shoulder. "Of course they are."

Colin giggled, actually giggled, and rested his head on top of hers. "Better get used to it, love, I doubt they'll ever stop staring."

[monstas1ut2]

(3/3) Eren Yeager

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Send a DM just to trap me (damn)

Threw your bitch in a taxi (taxi)

Wanna get drunk and nasty? (Nasty)

It was inevitable, of course he was going to find out.. Now here you are, sitting in your mothers house trying to figure out what you could've done differently. It's not only embarrassing but it sucks because that's your father, he's your everything , he's the man who adopted you. All you had to do was stay away from Eren.. though you couldn't even do that..

"Cheer up, here.. I got watermelon and pineapples.. I know it's your favorite.."

The woman with glasses, your mother handed you the soft bowl that held your favorite fruit. Her eyes staring at you softly as you were sitting on the floor. It was like you felt like you didn't deserve a bed right now.. In all honesty though, it wasn't fully your fault.

The soft, warmth that you had from the strong arms that touched you in ways... that night had kept you asleep. His hair fit his face so well and he said so many things that night that was hard to pass by. It wasn't a joke, Eren knew what he wanted.. and that was you.. and still is.

The many missed calls from him was ridiculous and the texts were everlasting. He figured he'd messed up, that or you were maybe drunk last night..? You didn't seem drunk.. that's just because you weren't.

"I should've stayed away from him..."

"Cupcake, you can't keep blaming yourself. Shorty-pants tends to be that way with Eren because of their past. There's nothing wrong with Eren technically, he lost his parents at a young age, in front of his eyes.. so he's a bit mental from that.." the words came out of Hange's throat and you nodded slowly. The thought still edged you on though, why did Levi want you away from him..?

Just because he has mommy AND daddy issues? That is a bad sign for sure, but at the same time.. Eren has done nothing but shown you his kind side. As well as his sexual side but we ain't gonna talk about that.

"So why... did dad kick me out... because of that..? Or cuz of their background together..? Eren is nothin but nice to me.. I would've backed off otherwise I ain't stupid to stay wit a nigga that beats on me.."

These words spat out in direction of no one in particular since nobody is here.. but it hurt. You wanted to scream so badly but what good would it do anyways.. Slowly slipping a pineapple chunk in your mouth. You watched as Hange was conflicted on what to say.. which is odd.

She has known Levi longer than anyone.. but Levi is still a mystery. So all she could do was direct this somewhere else...

"He'll be fine later okay? Don't worry... just.. eat your fruit, someone's comin to see ya in a little bit.. mkay?"

It's almost been a month.. and you didn't see Levi becoming fine any day now.. from what you could see, you were abandoned just like whoever your real parents were..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Standing outside to get some nice air, your eyes watched the car in the driveway pull off. It was Hange's bmw. Her mission was to get Levi to straighten up and fly right, but you told her there wasn't any need. The damage was done already.. right?

Hange does tend to make things right though, she's just that lovable of a person..

Letting out a sigh, you'd decided to finally turn your back and try to go back into the house but your ears were kinda deceiving you. Your head whipping back towards the driveway as you saw the car that was there. It wasn't Hange for sure, though that black, porche was nobody's but..

Eren's...

His taller form immediately moving from that car and eventually coming to face you.. in all honesty he wanted to yell and scream and do everything in the book.. but seeing your pretty eyes tear up was enough for him.

After a few silent minutes passed, the two of you were now wrapped up in each other. As close as you two possibly could be on the comfy couch. Just bathing in each other's scent and aura. It was a nice feeling nonetheless, but at the same time, Eren was confused as to why you were so quiet. Why didn't you answer his messages or his calls...

"I'm sorry... I ain't mean to ghost you like that... but, he uhm..."

Swallowing down the tears that were edging to release again. Eren's green eyes stared into yours, his ears ready to hear everything you had to say to him. He wasn't going to ignore these feelings you had.. why would he?

"He found out... and he didn't like it.. obviously. He kicked me out...so I live here now..." your words spilling out of your throat, it sounded like you were in pain. Your glossy eyes staring up at Eren, who happened to be a bit more annoyed than anything. The past was the past... he didn't understand why Levi was so strung up on him. The two never had good relations, they always hated each other... Maybe in a past life too..

"I'll talk to him.."

"N-No, do you have a death wish..?"

"For you... I'll do anything you want.. if you wanna come live with me that's aight with me..." Eren offered up everything he could think of. There's just this feeling, he didn't want to leave you... but he also didn't want you to be abandoned by your father...

Eren knows that technically, that's already happened to you.. but you grew up with Levi and Hange..

"We gonna talk to him together... he ain't gon kill you if I'm there.. even if he hates me.."

"He Doesn't hate you... not him... he just pissed right now." Eren was correct, Levi was simply annoyed at the fact that you decided to spend the night without his knowing... and at EREN's house nonetheless. Levi already could think about what happened in that bedroom... though if you played your cards right, you could probably make it seem like it didn't happen...

Probably...

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The paperwork continued to pile over, Hange's steps being big as she stepped over the books and papers. Honestly, this has to be the first time she's seen Levi like this. His house was a mess.

And that's something you don't hear everyday.

"Shorty! Shorty mc shorty pants...? Ah!" Hange was obviously teasing the male but she ended up tripping on one of his shoes that was in his office, man was he living in this one room?

Her glasses were put back on her face as she looked up at the desk. Seeing Levi tapping on his keyboard quickly. He himself probably didn't notice the way he was living at the moment... when he does he'll probably scold himself.

"You sir, need to get it together!" Hange spoke as she stood back up, and she earned a loud and annoyed sigh from the male.

"Look, shitty-glasses I don't have time for it right now!"

"Don't yell at me! This is about your kid wanting to isolate herself from the world because you can't stop being an asshole!" Hange quickly spoke as she then moved back from Levi, making sure her distance was far... still managing to joke in instances like this.

"Stop trying to pry them apart! I've seen Eren! He treats her like a Queen and he even gives her these looks that makes it known... he's not going to hurt her... not to mention she might hurt him first.. physically.. I've seen her throw a shoe at him once.." Hange chuckled out at her last sentence but Levi didn't seem like he was in a laughing mood.. nor was he ever...

"Fine" Hange huffed, her cheeks reddened at the fact that she couldn't persuade Levi-that's what she thought-and she immediately left his office, though came back and kicked one of the books over...

The two slender fingers he had was pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to surpass the headache that already arrived.

.

.

.

"Get out.."

"Daddy I ain't do nothin wit him, I just fell asleep I swear..-"

"I don't care!"

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

"I'm tired.. I'm goin to sleep Ight..? Pick me up tomorrow..." your words softly sliding out as Eren stared at your soft lips. This however made you smile and wrap your arms around him. Pulling him down to your height to kiss him gently. His lips still tasting like sugar...

Today, Eren kept you company and he even offered to take you out tomorrow... so all wasn't lost..

Eventually you'd closed your bedroom door and decided to get ready for bed. Gently laying in your bed after putting a scarf and bonnet on your head. The soft pillow was cold and that only made you a tiny bit more happier...

Knock knock

As you were about to close your eyes, the sound of knocking was on your door. That could be nobody but Hange... right? Considering this is her house but normally she just opens the door... without knocking..

"Come in...?" In a bit of a confused tone, you'd propped yourself up so you could get a better look at the door.

"Why say 'come in' if you're unsure... you're going to get yourself killed.."

"Daddy!" Your voice shrilled with happiness... and all Levi could feel was that same energy.. he may not like your little... boyfriend.. but he loves you.. his beautiful daughter...

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2

[lady-talks]

Could i have Han from Stray kids comfort a fan who has a panic attack? I love cute nicknames too if you could add that In

No warnings just fluff, also unrealistic because I don't know how fan signs actually work so I'm sorry

It was an exciting day for you. Not everyone gets to meet and talk to their idol. You'd been lucky enough to land yourself at a fan sign and couldn't be happier. It was almost surreal. Beaming fans filtered through the line. You got closer and closer to the table. Everything was fine, you felt completely fine. The moment came when you sat and started your progression through the line. You became nervous. Your palms began to sweat, you stammered out conversations. This got worse the longer you were there. You couldn't pinpoint exactly when but your anxiety started to spike. You sat down in front of Han. He smiled brightly at you and your heart began to pound. He was speaking to you but you barely heard. Your head felt light and it turned like a top. "Are you alright?" He cocks his head as concern washes over his face. He reaches out to touch your forearm. Your breathing picked up and you had to put your head down. This is so embarrassing. He tried to regain some control of the situation. Jisung repeatedly tapped your arm. "Here, why don't you breathe with me." He began to count off, taking deep breaths. He waited a few moments before speaking softly, "It's okay, I get them too." He signs the album you brought. "What's your name?" You were still jittery but you were able to hold a steady conversation with him and eventually make it out of the fan sign.

(here's one of you as his partner because I wasn't sure which you'd prefer and also because I'm a sucker for very soft comfort material)

The day was bright and the weather was nice. Everything seemed to be going right that day. Jisung had a good day at work and was able to finish up early. He purchased some of your favorite take out and began to think about a movie he'd been wanting to watch with you. He arrived at his apartment at an actually acceptable hour of the day, whistling the tune of a song he'd been working on. It was quiet like it always was. He set the take out down on the kitchen table and began his search for you. He was shocked, to say the least, when he found you curled up on the bed. Breathing hard and eyes squeezed shut. He knocked on the door and called out to you softly. Despite his effort, you startled and jerked up. You weren't teary eyed but you did look panicked. You reached out, making grabby hands, beckoning him closer. He lurched forward and cautiously began to cuddle you. He spoke to you, telling you about his day and rocking you gently. Depending on how bad the panic attack was he may or may not use some breathing exercises and brain break techniques to help you calm down. He soothingly whispers, "It's okay, baby" or "I've got you sweetheart" and when you feel better he'll want to ask you about it. Whether or not you decide to talk about it doesn't matter to him, he just wants to help you. You share the take out and cuddle on the couch, eventually falling asleep on his chest.

Thank you so much for requesting!

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

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