#which makes sense since only abt a year before that another one of their close friends just sorta dissapeared too

[batsplat]

as our resident Casey expert i wonder what do you think would have happened if marc and casey competed against each other? since casey retiring is so important for marc coming into motogp im always thinking abt the what ifs...

my initial instinct with this hypothetical is always 'that sounds horrible', though I do have more thoughts and opinions about it than that! marc obviously would have loved the chance to race casey, and casey has even been one of his picks of 'guys he would've liked to be teammates with' before, so, you know, clearly something there - and he does very much respect casey as a rider. I think it's quite likely that by the time marc entered the premier class, casey had already developed... I don't know if wariness is going too far, but maybe a little bit of unease or caution where marc was concerned. marc already very much had a reputation based on his 125/moto2 track record, and some of these incidents were controversial enough that the motogp riders commented on them. so take the phillip island 2011 incident where marc rode into the back of another rider:

the valentino quote serves as a bit of a benchmark here, given he was generally pretty pro-marc. yes, casey's phrasing is perhaps a little harsher, but unsurprisingly none of the riders were big fans of marc's behaviour in that particular incident

on the other hand, it's not like casey never sided with marc. take catalunya 2012, where marc was slapped with a controversial post-race penalty:

yes, casey's main complaint was about inconsistent stewarding - but still, he believed marc had been unfairly treated here. feels like these incidents were some of the only things casey and valentino actually agreed on in those years, so that's nice

that being said, it's hard to see how casey wouldn't have his issues with marc and marc's whole approach to racing. I did include some thoughts on the teammate question here, but mainly I'm going to pilfer the relevant autobiography passage:

"if a rider doesn't care about his own safety then it stands to reason he doesn't care about anybody else's either"... there's nobody really who embodies the 'doesn't care about his own safety' maxim better than marc. he was the young rider desperate to win, and I can't imagine casey would have enjoyed actually racing him much. casey mostly didn't enjoy racing valentino, after all, who is a generally a lot more selective with his aggression than marc is (though casey did have to experience some of the worst valentino had to offer in that regard). casey talked in his autobiography about getting a sense when he just wasn't really able to trust another rider on the track, how much it bothered him - and that exact lack of respect is something that's been pretty closely associated with marc. that doesn't mean he would immediately declare marc his enemy... he'd just want marc to change, to learn, to grow up, to start treating his competitors with a little more respect. the way casey talks about young riders, there is a sense in which he has more time for them than he does for valentino - whose lack of respect casey views as more integral to who he is as a rider. valentino isn't a bully on track due to the exuberance of youth, he's a bully on track when he thinks he can use it as a tactic of intimidation. then again, marc by this measure is worse... and I think very quickly casey would have grown pretty disenchanted with how marc approaches all his wheel-to-wheel racing, especially when it becomes more and more clear marc does not feel particularly inclined to change

it's always important to remember how recent the trauma of losing simoncelli was for the whole sport, and it coloured both dani and jorge's wariness of marc... but also (in my opinion anyway) their restraint in how they dealt with him. how they tried to stop themselves from actually making an enemy out of him, in part because they'd just had an experience of harshly criticising a rider for a whole year and then having to process his death. both dani and jorge actually had more public and more serious disagreements with simoncelli than casey did, but I reckon there would have been an element of that restraint with casey too... on the other hand, his experiences with marc would have left him feeling even more alienated from the sport than he already was - at times frustrated (like jorge was) less with marc directly but more with the regulatory bodies for not holding marc back, for not giving him a race ban or whatever to teach him a lesson. that being said, marc's shamelessness vs casey's stubbornness means that if they had direct on-track encounters and casey didn't like marc's post-race response... well, I certainly think that'd end up being a pretty tense situation, even if it falls short of active hostilities

worth including irl!casey's take on marc in 2013:

which, you know. it's not just that marc's a hard racer - casey is accusing marc of deliberately wanting to make the defeats extra painful for his opponents, of wanting to not just beat but humiliate them. anyone else that reminds you of? someone who is as motivated in securing his psychological victories as his actual ones? perhaps someone who has a bit of a history himself with casey?

let's bring in valentino. it's not that casey would really have begrudged marc his friendship with valentino, and he generally kept his hatred of valentino quite 'clean' in that he wasn't conducting any proxy wars or anything (for instance, I don't get the sense the vale/sic friendship ever affected his view of simoncelli... though I have very little to go on here either way). also, if nothing else in this timeline changes, we're assuming valentino in 2013 is fairly clearly the... fifth? best rider? kinda depends where dani would have landed I suppose (casey's retirement announcement did save honda from a bit of a headache)... but anyway what this means is that valentino probably wouldn't initially have been much of a competitive threat to casey. mostly he would have been consigned to the sidelines

that being said, I doubt casey would have massively enjoyed the whole laguna seca saga. unfortunately, we don't even really know what real life casey's stance on the copycat move situation was... though if I had to guess, in this timeline I'd say his position would've been, a) marc could and should have carried out that overtake two corners later, there was no need in that race situation to take that risk, b) still, it was valentino's slight error as he attempted to reclaim the position (in what was a pretty aggressive manner, it has to be said) that led to them both ending up off-track and fuck that guy, and c) the problem with 2008 wasn't just or even primarily the corkscrew overtake and it's annoying that that's the only bit everyone talks about. of course, there's also the question of whether casey would have bought marc's explanation that it was totally by coincidence that the overtake happened there... and again, complete guesswork, but my sense of casey is that he would have assumed marc was being at least a little bit dishonest. (which, you know... laguna's not an easy track to overtake at, but marc did prove with the bradl move that he was perfectly capable of overtaking after turn 8 - might not have been planning on the off-track excursion, but he was still attempting to overtake just ahead of a blind crest that happened to feed into the corkscrew lol.) I think casey by his honda days had calmed down a bit (though he still certainly had some conspiratorial tendencies), but I also don't think it's a stretch to imagine that he would've felt like he was a victim of a joke between the pair of them... not ideal

overall though, I reckon casey's main frustrations would have been less with the move itself and more with how it was discussed. in the presser, while joking with marc, valentino does take the opportunity to get in a jibe at casey for old time's sake. there's this clip, where he directly addresses livio suppo (at ducati in 2008, by then at honda) - specifically about how both casey and suppo criticised him for that overtake. in response, suppo says something about how he's grateful to marc because they finally got payback. valentino is later asked directly about casey's complaints in 2008 in this clip, and replies with the following:

would valentino have said this stuff with casey still in the paddock? well, yes! honestly, given valentino did very quickly lay off needling casey once he had retired, there's a good chance he would have said something worse. and marc would have laughed along at the whole thing. I don't know, I just don't see casey taking particularly kindly to that... he can hold a grudge, that man can, and at a certain point he'd probably be increasingly less willing to give marc the benefit of the doubt. interesting situation though, laguna seca '13 + casey is a very juicy scenario that could play out in several different ways

but I'm guilty of burying the lede here - there's a far more obvious reason than anything I've described above for why the casey/marc relationship would have turned sour. it's the simple fact that they would have been teammates which would do the damage all on its lonesome; they have radically different conceptualisations of how that dynamic is supposed to work and would inevitably have clashed as a result. the one commonality they do have is they don't see their teammates as potential friends, which is... also not helpful! I think they'd probably initially be fine on the interpersonal level - and, actually, given how the casey/valentino relationship played out and marc's general approach to his rivalries, I can see marc/casey more or less being able to maintain a minimum standard of politeness towards each other even at their worst. like, I still think they'd be able to smile at each other and do some small talk when face-to-face, but I also think everything else would be a complete disaster. I talked a bit about how marc approaches his teammate relationships in this post - and I'm not going to rehash too much of what irl!marc got up to, but I'll include some bits relevant to casey

from marc:

related to casey:

and dani comparing the two:

we do obviously even have actual real life controversy wherein casey thinks marc felt threatened by him and forced him out of honda... and this in a timeline where they weren't even direct competitors! if this is the level of tension a test rider role can generate, then if they'd actually been teammates...? yeah, no. casey thinks that teammates should cooperate - and he thinks that riders enforcing divisions within the box are essentially doing so because they are "afraid". marc has openly admitted to lying about what parts he likes to make sure his teammate doesn't get any edge over him. this is the thing, right: marc might think casey is a cool rider, would've liked the chance to race him and even be teammates with him... but this is the stuff he did to dani, who was one of his literal idols! this is his understanding of competition - (like valentino) he might love the fight, but simultaneously he'll do pretty much whatever it takes to win, because he considers this stuff fundamentally part of the game. casey does not. to casey, this kind of victory is dishonest. any kind of gamesmanship is a sign of weakness... the victory is worth less if you're accomplishing it like that

now, hey, maybe marc would never have been able to go as far as he did with dani because he wouldn't have the kind of performance edge that allows you to definitively impose your will within the team. I think it's a popular interpretation that marc wouldn't have won the title in 2013 if casey had been there, which... I mean, I think it's true that it would have been less likely - in that in a season with that much volatility, the more plausible championship contenders you have the less likely it is that any single one of them takes the title (same goes for instance if you add in a valentino who had not gone to ducati for two years and would have presumably been more competitive in 2013). but it's not like casey would have been the defending champion and the clear class of the field... partly due to injury, he ended up finishing in third in 2012. jorge and dani didn't win the 2013 title in part as a result of their own injuries, and who knows how casey would have fared... like sometimes it's just luck of the draw really. you can be the better rider and still not win the title, shit happens. I think for as long as a more or less healthy-ish casey stays in the sport, it would have been unlikely that marc establishes quite the same performance edge as he did over dani... but, well, if anything that would have meant he would have fought even harder out of perceived necessity to win the internal honda wars

it's the kind of thing that can make a relationship quickly deteriorate, especially with a prickly character such as casey, and it's entirely plausible that dynamic would have become strained at best and horrendously toxic at worst... sooner rather than later. and the thing is, this environment would affect marc considerably less than it would casey. again, it's the fact that he relishes the fight... he's very good at shrugging off (most) criticism and thrives in that kind of tension. the emotional fatigue that this scenario generates would be painfully lopsided, where casey offers harsh criticisms and means them and is endlessly frustrated with marc's approach, while marc... doesn't really care. at least dani also had a questionable manager who was conducting behind the scenes warfare on his behalf - casey doesn't want to play these games at all. he just wants to ride a bike, and marc is never going to allow him to live in peace as long as he's an internal threat. if casey were exposed directly to all of that from marc, I doubt he'd walk away from the experience with a particularly positive impression of him

does he walk away? I think there's a decent chance that casey would have ended up so disillusioned with the whole thing that this would have been what pushed him into retirement. if he wants to get out of that mess, let's say after two years, his options would have been pretty limited. yamaha is closed off and I'd struggle to think of a scenario in which either jorge or valentino would have been particularly interested in a direct swap (also, if you're sick of being marc's teammate, you're probably not gonna be jumping at the chance to be valentino's instead). I suppose you could go back to ducati (which he did return to as a test rider so it's not like those bridges were permanently burnt), and maybe casey could do something special even with *gestures* that version of the bike. really though... I think enough would have been enough for him. regardless of the actual balance of success between the pair of them, my guess is marc wins that war because he's happier to get nasty and because he wants it more. casey has his two to four titles... he's done. let him go fishing

[einsteinbrosofficial]

What kind of accident happened that ended with a TNR and a rabies hold? Like I need to know about all of this

@sleepywinchesters Disclaimer do as I say not as I do. This is a story of hubris.

Cat professionals don’t judge me I know where I went wrong I just thought I was built different

Our TNR program only has one dropoff day a week & you have to make your appointment with # of cats ahead of time.

I have two traps so I’m aiming for 2, I’ve trapped for this colony before and it usually took multiple tries to get the right cats! Like I’d have to free at least 2 fixed cats for every unfixed one I caught.

I tell you this so my decision making doesn’t sound as stupid lol.

I was prepared to stake out these cats for hours at a time every night until my drop off appointment. So I start trapping like. 5 days early.

I also set up a big dog cage with some essentials in case I got any of them TOO early, which other cat people will see as red flag # 1 but I SWEAR makes sense with how much work I put into socializing these cats and I would not have pulled that move if I hadn’t been working with this cat colony since 2018.

Ok my dumb decisions have been detailed.

So anyway I literally set myself up with stakeout snacks and everything and I catch two cats within 10 minutes of trapping.

One of the cats I trapped is Charlie Chaplin. I’ve been feeding him about 4 years and he has a mustache and like a week before this he let me get within two feet of him without running.

I go to transfer Charlie to the dog crate (at my home where he’ll be chilling on the patio) and when I go to close the gate door behind him it got STUCK.

Charlie is terrified and he BOLTS and does an actually very beautiful leap DIRECTLY INTO THE POOL.

As I have since found out he’s largely blind in one eye! Which explains a lot of this! So he is now experiencing a pool for the first time in his life completely by accident.

I panic and start throwing all of my electronics off my person so I can jump in. He figures out swimming, escapes the pool, and then scales 10 feet of patio screen and starts trying to spider-man upside down across the roof.

Charlie then jumps down and proceeds to jump directly into the pool AGAIN! I jump after him because his head kept dipping underwater the first time (bc he has presumably never swam in his life before this) and I’m worried. I did not put on my wildlife handling gloves before this, which is another goof. I scoop under his tummy and I’m trying to carry him to the edge of the pool while keeping his head above water.

Anyway to Charlie this is actually even worse because he doesn’t know I’m trying to remove him from the pool, he bites the absolute SHIT out of my arm (valid), I get him to the edge of the pool and let go bc fucking ow, he JUMPS BACK IN THE POOL.

At this point my bonus sister tosses me a towel to grab him with and I manage to catch him safely and deposit him in the crate. Then I had a half hour long panic attack abt whether I had to euth him over me being stupid but I didn’t lol

If you’re unfamiliar with the protocol for potential rabies exposure, the literal only way to test for rabies is to euthanize the animal and biopsy their brains. There’s no way to test an animal while keeping it alive. A lot of the time if you’re able to you need to try and capture the animal that bit you and hand it over to whatever doctor you go to so they can send it for testing. Like. Secured though. Or already dead. Don’t give your doctor a loose potentially rabid animal.

HOWEVER, if the animal is a cat or dog specifically and is not otherwise showing obvious symptoms you have the option to isolate and observe them for 10 days. There’s research showing that dogs & cats who are far enough into the disease to transmit it (apparently they can’t transmit it during the incubation period, yay) will either show symptoms or die within 10 days. ONLY applicable to dogs and cats. If they show symptoms (or die) you send them to be tested, according to the county rabies coordinator I called about this.

I did not in fact have to get a rabies shot because we have already gotten past day 10 of his observation period and he’s chillin.

Also the other cat I caught early did fine, already got spayed and vaxxed and released. I just saw her earlier today when I went to check on the colony and she ran away as soon as she saw me lmao.

[hannieehaee]

Idk if this is appropriate or not (feel free if this is something you don't want to answer) but as a casual kpop stan who really only stans seventeen and listens to other kpop artists on a somewhat frequent basis I just feel as though seventeen is reaching their peak in a way that's far from satisfying. Like idk if this makes sense but to me it seems as tho the members are struggling to keep out of "scandals" with mingyu's incident last year, minghao/seoksoon being labeled as fat phobic earlier this year over out of context clips and now with Joshua (he's not even close to being my favorite member but these rumors and pregnancy stories are honestly making me so upset rn) ...as a fan who feels a genuine attachment to these people it's hard for me to be happy because while Ik the boys deserve every good thing coming their way fame comes with a price and that price is what I'm worried about. Like I get that Pledis isn't SM and seventeen definitely see themselves as family unlike NCT who view themselves more as colleagues I'm so scared that Joshua will eventually leave like Lucas or heaven forbid anything more drastic happens. It's just that I always see these "we could never save them" posts but then the same people who post them also comment the worst things forgetting that idols are humans too. I'm super sorry for the long ask but I just read that jeonghan got hurt and that made me think of the rest of the members and everything else they've been going thru. I'm not even the type of person to get attached to people I barely know but with Seventeen it's like I'm really and honestly praying for their success because they seem that THAT genuine group of people who are just trying their best. Sorry for the rambling

i get what ur saying. dont worry abt sending a long ask! ur welcome to rant abt svt in my inbox whenever! honestly i havent stanned for too long so idk how things were before this past year but i do worry for them lately :/ theyre getting injured too often and they get no rest. i dont like how pledis/hybe are managing them at all. theyve been constantly touring japan very repeatedly for seemingly no good reason at all which has obviously tired them out (theyve been dropping like flies, LITERALLY). pledis had the opportunity to promote them in ways that didnt involve constant performances but have just chosen not to for some reason. i really hope they get to rest soon (unlikely tho since theyre likely gonna have a world tour next year).

about the joshua thing. i feel sosososo bad for him. idk and idc if hes really dating that girl honestly. i do feel like it was kinda dumb of her to consistently post herself in the same places/clothes as him if they really wanted to keep it a secret BUT neither of them deserved the hate/scrutiny they got for it. not even with the pregnancy thingy on her stories. i don't think joshua and lucas' situations are comparable whatsoever since joshua has not done anything wrong unlike lucas. im hoping pledis somehow protects him better but thats unlikely. i dont think any member of svt will ever leave bc as u said, theyre family. cant rlly compare to nct tho lol bc i only stan svt so idk any other groups' dynamics like that. i do get what ur saying tho i have friends who stan nct and svt and theyve said to me that they do see a drastic difference in dynamics between the two groups but thats neither here nor there.

lastly, i have the best hopes for svt. they keep saying theyll only go up from here and i believe that. idk how that will play out with military service in consideration or with what seems to be chronic incidents that keep happening to them (gyu, cheol, and han in the past few months) but i trust and hope they'll be okay. they have a very established fanbase and a rlly good support group with one another so i only see good things for them in the future. hope they get at least a month off soon though.

[windupaidoneus]

walks back in with a comfortable chair and snacks. i am having SUCH a good time reading all of these,,, and also i DO want to know abt how hilde feels abt hermes and lahabrea. wait hold on i have an idea for a second ask,

giggles. the hermes one is suchhhhhh a toughie. not to answer but like. ouhhh hilde is feeling some kinds of ways about hermes (& fandaniel subsequently)! oooooh!

goddd hermes. arguably the person who treated him with the most respect among the ancients... or at least the one who treated him with respect the fastest. it felt like there was a genuine understanding there, & especially as hermes opened up on his feelings wrt elpis & life & death & his clear capacity for grief the others seemed to be lacking (which. i mean you know hildegarde. he has been making out with grief sloppy style for so many fucking years. emet & hythlodaeus being so fine with death, even of "lesser creatures" since hilde does not have that concept really of viewing some beings as more or less important, really threw him off. but especially knowing the emet he knew. also known griever.). hermes was the first person on elpis that made him go "wait, maybe i could tell him. maybe if i told him things would go differently." before remembering that that is literally impossible he cannot change his present only his future. Sad! either way though he did feel a connection to hermes, which. is also bc lachesis & hermes were close.

& then hermes fucked it & successfully traumatised hildegarde further 🎉 needless to say he uh. did not feel so positively about him for a while but admittedly he wasn't feeling positively about Anybody during that time probably. likely clung to nero & ardbert for a semblance of stability & nero wasnt even around so ardbert had to go out & seek him out on hildes behalf bc he was too withdrawn & in shock to front.

i think though after everything especially with aitiascope & all that he's just. yknow. he's not a grudge holder... not on those matters anyway. he forgives very easily bc he just. he's very emotional & very easily swayed by other people's emotions. i don't want to say hyperempathetic but honestly i think that might be the case ... very hard for him to stay mad at someone very seriously under most circumstances too. he wasn't even that mad at zenos honestly he just wanted zenos to come off it & would've preferred a peaceful resolution both times. at the end of the day hildegarde feels deep sorrow for hermes the same way he does elidibus among others. above all else he wishes he could've done something before it was too late. hermes was a friend & one of many hilde feels he's failed.

with lahabrea it's... he feels a lot of pity for lahabrea? also respect. he's one of those people he's now met before the final days & the sundering happened & the memory of lahabrea in his mind is just... lahabrea during ancient times. thinking about what ended up becoming of him makes him feel some guilt in the sense that obviously he does not have foresight & couldn't have known he would end up meeting lahabrea in the past, but part of him still blames himself for not knowing because if he had maybe he could've reached out to lahabrea in a meaningful way & he didn't have to die blablabla... the usual. i think he's probably a little intimidated at first but as pandaemonium progresses more of lachesis' dynamic with lahabrea instinctively comes back to him. & he's kinda. just being lahabrea's weird friend. like it still feels more formal than the dynamic lachesis had with laha back then but yeah. eek. yet another tragedy hilde feels responsible for YAHOOOOO

[dirty-osc-confessions]

Coming back to copy-paste my confessions for the background of my anon sona. The concept of an "anon sona" is kinda crazy esp since I can't share it on Tumblr bc my style is somewhat recognizable to those who know it, and part of the name is being anonymous. I guess it's better to have "🫳🫴🦷 anon" be the person tied to my words than my main blog/image.

I've been quietly using that emoji combo for at least a year before I was even on Tumblr though, so if any of my close friends ever get Tumblr and find confession blogs I'm done for.

The only place I think I can safely put the art itself is the main oscconfessions blog's discord, but the link expired, so I'm trying to be patient to wait for the meetup to end so I can beg for a new one. Honestly, it being closed right now hurts rrgfghg.

5 hours on my Freaky Tooth drawing so far. If anyone wants to see it, I can send it in the inbox, and as long as it's deleted eventually, I'm good. The want to show off art is slowly arguing the style recognition argument away

Something to confess while I'm here, the months Airy was gone in hfjone makes less sense the more I think about it.

Food & water are the basics - based on the assumption that hfjone follows the same rules/standard of other object shows, objects need to at least eat to survive. Furthermore, we can see that there are restaurants in the osc version of San Francisco, and if not that, there's at least a bar. Alcohol as a beverage was made through wheat products, which were only harvested for the purpose of food in the first place. There's always the possibility with that that in this alternative timeline, beer/alcohol was made later on in the modern age through experimenting with brain chem's reaction, and in this case, I present water. In the hfjone investigations, much like in a real police questioning scenario, each of those who give testimony are offered water. This is to build rapport, but I don't have time to go into criminal psychology (as much as I'd love to talk abt it, this is an osc confession), so instead I'll say for the sake of argument that water IS essential to an object living.

Where did they get the water during that time??? Sure, there was the swimming pool, but I doubt they'd do that for months without making some form of cup. Slurping up water WHILE SWIMMING IN THE WATER is a terrible idea, you will get another Liam scenario. (Also feel like the water level might've gone down a bit, but who cares.)

Food??? I think at this point, they still had Whippy Creamy, but whipped cream is not a viable source of nutrients. ALSO, there's an issue with quantity. Do you really think one tub of whipped cream could sustain a group of more than even ONE object for that long??? Idk, maybe they just started eating tree bark from those trees we see in the challenge to "run to the tree and back".

I have less of an issue with Airy's version of this. There was probably some wildlife/edible plant life around he could get in a decade.

I mean. You could always just. Moldy is still a piece of bread, and if you cut off the moldy bit, you might be able to last a bit. They didn't do that though, sucks to suck not to resort to cannibalism in basically a stranded island scenario. Speaking of, object anatomy, yeah? Weird stuff, but I'll talk about that some other time.

Still enjoy hfjone. I don't have anything vitriolic to say other than I still hate bfdi with all my heart and soul. Love all the algebraliens, though ♡

I didn't double-check any of my claims here, but I think rewatching all of hfjone/the investigation tapes earlier this month is still fresh enough in my mind to talk about.

I find Pi and Animatic are those I'm most 'down bad' for. Jjjjjesus I didn't plan on this being an nsfw consfession though, and it's already getting quite long as is.

xoxo, 🫳🫴🦷 anon (freaky tooth)

wow, interesting stuff. is there a history of adhd in your family?

[acaciapines]

Your nanowrimo pieces are soooo goooood they hit so hard fr fr. I’m especially LOVING today’s one with the owl & the collector even tho I don’t rlly know that much abt toh bc I haven’t watched it but I can tell that u LOVE IT & I can’t wait to learn more thru osmosis once the fic is poooosteeeed✨ (i WILL read it i PROMISE i SWEAR)

Anyways give us the thoughts, the tea, tell us how you make the words do that✨ anything u wanna give in regards to today’s bit!! We’re not picky!

Hope y’all are doing okay! Gal says hi :) Remember to eat and drink something, take breaks, and look after yourselves and each other! We love you! This has been a Daily Interaction Ask <3

he he :3 im glad youre enjoying!! its been really fun to pick out my favorite bits even when usually those are the ones w/out context lol. look at my owl and weep boy. firefly <3

YOU WILL LEARN SO MUCH VIA OSMOSIS....literally now that im also doing something for s1 its like. why watch owl house we have owl house at home (the owl house at home is a 1 million word daemon au) (<- 1 mil is not a joke btw idk if it'll hit it but itll at least come very close. no idk why i did this.)

as for today! hmmm...

its truly so fun to write the collector. like im not joking about him being my favorite owl house character despite his maybe twenty total minutes of screentime, so its been such a JOY to expand his role in this series!!

bc like. god. actually i think i wrote a whole like. bit of flash fiction/prose poetry type thing for them a while ago. probably in my files somewhere. but just. youre an immortal eight year old. you are in these years where you need to interact with other people for your own mental stability and health. to figure out the whole Being A Person thing. and you are trapped for like, centuries. trapped away from everyone and everything and DUST, which, in universe, in literally connection personified. you're cut off from all of this.

and you are, let me say again, eight years old.

truly the collector is just. hes had everyone he ever cares about leave him--his siblings the other archivists left him behind not out of any sense of cruelty, really, but because caring about people just isnt really a thing they do. quite frankly they live so long they didnt even notice. theyre far-away stars. not far because they're mean. just because thats what stars do.

and then king's dad (who um. doesnt have a name <3 this is why the collector calls him 'the big bully' its literally bc i never gave him a name--) was an adult the collector actually trusted and looked up to (he meshed REALLY WELL into titan society until the archivists started Doing A Murder since titans are the only beings that match them in power and they have very very different ideas about dust). like ive said before the collector is owlbeastkin but before that they never had a super stable sense of identity--in another world where they stayed w/ the titans they wouldve ended up a titan.

and then king's dad just. trapped him in a tablet forever.

and like, to be fair to king's dad he was reacting out of fear and the best knowledge he had (he assumed the collector led the archivists to the titans, and like, he did, but its not like he knew he was doing that, and, you know, poor guy had seen a huge chuck of his fellow titans killed including babies and eggs of which he had an egg to consider), but it still TRAPPED THEM. and then he died and so did all the rest of the titans so nobody could free the collector even if they wanted to.

and then BELOS, who manipulated and lied to the collector for so long and was also literally his only friend after being alone forever, so like, of course the collector just blindly went along with whatever he said. he was gonna free them!! he listened to them when they talked about stardust which nobody else ever did! he had no idea what the fuck a witch was! he just liked being able to see the stardust sometimes, and belos brought him to places with a lot of stardust. to destroy it, but like--you know. it was THERE.

but all these people were just USING them, and they never really understand that until king comes around. and king's also a scared eight year old!! but like. king's also not wrong. the collector did aid belos in destroying the entire isles. like no joke belos SUCCEEDS here. like not long-term obvi this has a happy ending but at the point we're in at for the future? it doesnt matter that the draining spell failed. all the palistrom trees are dead. witch society Cannot come back from that even if they did end up beating the collector. theyre doomed.

anyways what was i saying. collector. right.

so like, then they meet firefly/grr-click-growl/wings-across-night/the owl beast (king of having so many names i love her <3) and shes like, the first person who cares for them and ISNT using them. even king is using them!! but firefly has seen Some Shit. she sees the collector as a hatchling who was kicked out of his nest and is doing her best to be some sort of stable figure for him, but she doesnt Not see the stuff he's done.

the collector took over the world bc he's scared--all he's ever known is being used and trapped so he doesnt exactly trust most people easily. firefly would Love to not be in this world anymore. shes also got a loyalty to eda and king and luzmari. and, like, cool motive, still trapping an entire society of people.

but like. shes the one who is here right now and nobody else is trying to help this kid.

but the collector just. hes just an eight year old. a very, very old eight year old. but he doesnt understand things like "you can make the wrong choices and still choose to do better later" and "im mad at what you did but that doesnt mean i dont care about you."

he just sees someone upset with him. just sees another person who used him and doesnt care and is going to leave bc everyone leaves him and in a world where EVERY SINGLE PERSON comes in pairs, hes the only one who stands alone.

basically tl;dr: collector my beloved <3

[haliaiii]

tell us more abt sam and val plsplspls they are the backbone of our society i love hearing abt them

ofc ofc!! i love talking about them lmao

The story itself is called Retrograde and Sam and Val are the two main characters!

(Brace yourself it's kinda long!)

Val:

Personality wise he's pretty reserved, doesn't really say much unless needed, he's more open with people he's close to

Though he may look moody, he's actually just awkward

Currently he's working as a bounty hunter to pay his rent and keep the license but really it's just a title and he just goes around accepting odd jobs that pay him

He doesn't kill people so he instead chooses to beat them up real bad and turn them in

Val isn't his real name, it's just a nickname. Barely anyone knows his real name aside from one or two people.

Doesn't have the best past (original i know but its plot relevant) but he's working through his mistakes and trying to make amends with himself and others

He was found drifting in the river on the verge of death but was miraculously revived by a doctor who ran a small clinic nearby

He got into bounty hunting because he could get a license that works as a valid form of id so he can rent an apartment and have a bank account while also being able to hide his identity (loopholes)

His eyes are actually not normal and are in fact a genetic condition he was born with! He gets a lotta stares and comments for it but he doesn't really care atp

Actually ridiculously good at dancing, he won a lot of competitions for ballroom dancing when he was in highschool and he could've gone professional if it weren't for certain other reasons

Because of his weirdly unique talent, he's really agile which makes him good at close hand combat

He's the one who drives both him and Sam around because he's the only one who has a hoverbike and can drive

Things he likes:

Ballet performances

The spicy shrimp noodles from his favorite thai restaurant

Cheesy romcoms (a secret)

Cats

Driving his hoverbike 30 miles above the speed limit

Things he doesn't like

Fire

Large crowds

Bugs (especially spiders)

People who don't respond to text messages

Messy eaters

Sam:

He's gonna have a longer description cause he's pretty plot relevant for the beginning

He's a pretty easy going guy, in many ways the opposite Val

Easy to get along with, most of the time he's pretty chill so he doesn't find it too hard to talk to people

Not really an extrovert tho, somewhere in the middle but still social if that makes sense

Val found him in an underground cave sleeping in a pod like thing while on a bounty

Somehow he managed to open the pod and wake Sam up, only to find out he has no recollection of anything that's happened to him nor who he is or his name

They decided to call him 'Sam' for now because it was printed on the tag hanging from his left ear

The last thing Sam remembers before waking up is a giant flash and burning buildings

Based on the weird room, sleeping pod, and the weird suit he's wearing, the two figure out that Sam's been asleep for a lot longer than he thought (more than 500 years)

He's actually from the Previous Era, which was an old civilization a lot more technologically advanced than the Current Era but was destroyed by a cataclysmic explosion (wonder what caused it?)

So Sam is technically many many years old atp but is still mentally the same age as Val

As you can guess he doesn't really take this very well

Turns out there was another pod next to Sam's pod that's been opened meaning that he may not be alone

Sam decides he wants to recover his lost memories and find out what happened to him and also find the person in the other pod, or at least what happened to them

Since he has no idea what the current era is like he enlists Val's help in exchange for helping him pay his rent.

He decides to keep his true identity a secret to not draw attention

He's actually really good at fighting and can hold up with Val pretty well so the two become partners

He's got these strange metal implants inside him, the most visible one around his neck which he's a bit self conscious about.

He doesn't know why it's there but it might have something to do with the blue ring above his head

The halo only turns off when he sleeps/lies down but seems to be above his head no matter what (he doesn't like it cause it draws a lot of attention)

His eyes are really unnatural and actually glow in the dark, another thing that freaks him out

His hair is naturally coral pink and not dyed (which is also a bit strange but not as much as the other things in his opinion)

Sam can't really read well, he's not sure if it's because he never learnt to read or the language has changed so much since he went to sleep, he's also not great at math

Kinda thanks to this he's also not great at budgeting and sometimes spends a lot of money on useless things that piques his interest (which causes him and val to do more bounties, much to val's dismay)

Even though he can be kind of an idiot sometimes, he does his best to fix his mistakes and make it up to people

Weapon of choice is dual guns!

Things he likes:

Sweet drinks (he's got a bad addiction to boba, milkshakes, and smoothies)

Arcade games (sucks at the fighting games but really good at rhythm games)

Astronomy (he knows nearly every constellation and its position by memory, it's kinda scary)

Action movies

Things he doesn't like:

Needles

Narrow hallways and closed spaces

Horror movies

Bugs (they're both screwed i know)

Some other fun facts !!

They live together in Val's apartment, they alternate sleeping on the couch and bed since Val felt bad

Even though Val said he'd only help Sam if he helped pay his rent, he actually didn't mind helping him for free and only added that because Sam insisted

Val is the only one who can cook out of the two, however that doesn't mean he's good at it, so they usually just order out most of the time

The world they live in is a mix between futuristic and post apocalyptic, yeah there's still technology but it's not as great as it was before

Part of this was because after the collapse of the previous era, rebuilding took a crazy long time and there was a big power struggle until the current government took control

There was a 4 year long civil war that happened and ended around 5 years before Sam woke up

There's currently a large supply shortage so for the past few decades so some technology has regressed

Their world is technically an alternate universe of our world, the divergent point happened around the late 1940s, I could go into it more but it's not that plot relevant but it is the reason they don't have a lot of today's modern technology despite it being many years into the future

[catgirl-kaiju]

Hi, I really appreciate you giving me a genuine answer to my question. Your explanation makes a lot of sense to me. My position on it mostly comes from seeing tme/tma frequently used as a one to one replacement for agab. Since I haven’t often seen it used only in the context of tranmisogny, it feels like another false binary to me. I consider myself a very private person (hence the anonymous ask), so I choose not to disclose my agab or tm(e/a) status to individuals I’m not close to, but in a lot of online spaces people automatically assume that means I must be afab/tme, which rubs me the wrong way since I feel like disclosing that should always be a personal choice.

I wouldn’t say the model enforces arbitrary sex binaries on its own, but I’ve definitely seen it used in ways that do enforce it. Ultimately, I think any kind of labeling system can end up being used in a way that’s overly reductive. And when labels are being used in that reductive manner, then it often is something where people will assumptions about genitalia; that’s what I meant when I mentioned that in my ask yesterday. I have a body with “atypical” secondary sex characteristics, and grew up in and still live in a small conservative town. I’ve had people ask demanding questions about my genitalia since the age most “boys” hit puberty (I didn’t until 17 but the questions started sooner), which I believe is part of why I’m a bit sensitive to stuff that seems it’s demanding the same question of me.

I have only one testicle, what my grandmother calls “inappropriately wide hips for a man,” gynecomastia, an inability to grow facial or chest hair, and a not quite micropenis by the clinical definition (.25 inches longer than the measurement). There’s argument medically over whether my condition “counts” as intersex since it’s not apparent from birth, but rather shows up during puberty. I have a fairly complicated relationship with my biological sex and my gender as do many people. I have a hard time knowing where I sit in regards to transmisogyny, I know most people in my area consider me a somewhat “failed” man, but I have had a couple people (out of towners) ask if I was a trans man before on rare occasion (three times ever I believe). Like I mentioned, I’m fem leaning nonbinary, but have to present as a “typical male” for safety until I’m able to move which will hopefully be within the year. I think a lot of the online trans spaces Ive tried to engage in in the past have been very toxic, which hasn’t helped me in any way. When I move, I hope to find an in person queer space to explore some of this more.

Sorry for dumping this on you over seeing an addition you made to a post. And again, thank you for taking the time to give me a genuine response instead of just dismissing me outright. Your answer gave me a lot to think about, and while I still don’t like applying any label models to myself, I do see the utility to it better than before. This ended up much longer than I intended, so I think I’ll stop here. Have a nice day/night, and thank you

-Dee

thank you for the response and understanding, Dee.

i would like to clarify that i think using tma/tme in contexts that have nothing to do with discussions around transmisogyny is inappropriate and goes against the purpose of the terms. sorry you've interacted with people that, they sound like assholes.

i also feel you about everything you've been saying regarding your intersex experience. i was able to pass more as a man as i got older, but it took much longer than usual for me to be able to grown visible facial and body hair, and even when i wasn't fat, i'd get comments from people abt my "moobs" that made me feel uncomfortable with my body and not want to have my shirt off around anyone. my micropenis makes it difficult to urinate sometimes. i was often "mistaken" for a girl growing up, after i decided to grow out my hair because of my lack of facial hair, low body hair, high voice, and thin wrists.

i know that under the clynical definition of a micropenis, i definitely have one, based on my own measurements and those of a physician. and that in and of myself makes me intersex, but i definitely feel that same anxiety that you're expressing about not being counted as intersex in some people's eyes. i'm currently looking into get evaluated for klinefelter syndrome, bc so many of my experiences regarding my body seem to line up with the diagnosis, but i don't have an official diagnostic determination one way or the other yet and that makes me feel sometimes like i'm not as valid as other intersex folks. but i want you to know that we are both valid, and your body is intersex and beautiful. ❤️

i hope you're able to get to a safe place where you can explore your gender presentation more openly and i hope that femininity brings you joy ❤️

have a good one!

[nopefer-art-tu]

i had talked abt this on my twt a few weeks back but lately ive rly been thinking abt the potential to read ennis as aromantic and like. yeah idk i just think its a really intriguing reading into the character

like i personally see both ennis and jack as homosexual for a variety of reasons, mostly bc a. that was the frame of reference that annie proulx was writing under when she had the idea for brokeback mountain (i.e. what would life be like for a ranch hand who was gay?) and b. the book that was given to both heath and jake to prepare for their roles was a compilation of memoirs written by real gay midwestern farmers

BUT. all that aside, i think that an aspec/arospec reading of ennis' character is one of the interesting ways in which we can use the visibility of previously "lesser known" queer identities to analyze this story under a modern lens

cause like, ive mentioned this before but i kinda went insane for awhile and so for the first half of this year i went deep in on brokeback mountain. like, i read every article and listened to every movie podcast about this story that i could get my hands on, and a common debate surrounding the story (so much so that theres a whole section on its wikipedia page dedicated to it) is the debate around whether jack and ennis are gay men or bisexual men

and like...sure, okay, theres definitely valid readings in both of them. I just think that, since our understandings of romantic and sexual attraction and our vocabulary to describe these different experiences has expanded in the 17 years since the movie's release and the 25 years since the short story's initial publishing, we can take a look at these charas under new lenses with which to analyze them with

i think you can make a very valid argument that ennis is a gray-area aromantic who falls in love with the one person in his life who hes able to open up, relate to, and create a super close bond with, especially if you consider ennis' extreme loneliness throughout his entire life. it only really hit me the other day, when i was rly thinking deep about this, how hard it must have been for someone in his circumstances to meet people and make friends around his age, considering the fact that he dropped out of high school as a freshman in order to work to support him and his siblings after his parents died.

couple that w this sort of stoic, distant personality type that the hard, rough, small town american west sort of breeds into men from a young age, and like. i dunno, it makes perfect sense to me that an aromantic ennis would fall in love with the one person who hes forced to spend an extended amount of time with, who he later finds out has also grown up a poor, drop-out ranch hand with a hard home life. especially since jack also made an early effort to get to know ennis, i just think it was all the prime circumstances for him to end up falling in love.

i also think it tracks w both heath and jake's mentality when approaching these characters? cause in interviews they gave at the time, they both kinda maintained this belief that ennis anc jack were both "straight" men who just so happened to fall in love w another man

and like. setting aside the fact that that was a VERY 2005 thing to say, lol, i think the idea of someone like ennis by chance falling in love w a man still tracks if you read him as arospec. like it still comes w all the trials and tribulations of him being invested in this homosexual love affair, as well as all the internal tension he must be feeling (i.e. why am i in love with him? shouldnt i be feeling this way about Alma? what is wrong with me?). like thats very much a universal queer struggle that you can read into his character regardless of what sexual orientation you see him as

anyways tl;dr the conversations around the sexuality of the characters in brokeback mountain is rly fascinating and i think that we can look back with our expanded knowledge of sexuality and see these characters in a lot of interesting ways

[starsdailyjournal]

Star's 1st day!

So today I went to school, the ush, and when I go there I didn't see my friend Lily. We're like super close even tho we only started talking this school year because we went to the same middle school and were now on the same bus. I always thought she was was cool and funny but she was never in any of my classes but now that shes on my bus we hang out a lot. We mostly hang out while waiting for school to start infront of the school and after school while we wait for the bus and on the bus. But outside of that when she has something to smoke we walk to the forest near our house and sit by the creek and smoke till we can't anymore. She's super cool and nice but she has diving first period which is at another school so she's barely ever there in the mornings and I just sit with my other friend who leaves for orchestra 30 mins before my first class so I basically just spend the morning akward and alone in the crowd. Sadly (and thankfully) lily got a concussion so she can't go to diving for a while.

Turns out she was just late and we chatted for a bit and I told her how this guy I liked last year forgot about me and she laughed at me which was kinda mean and made me sad because I would never do that to her. And I told her how I felt sad abt not being able to talk to him before and idk it just sucked but I didn't say nun.

Lily and me don't have any classes together so after walking with her friends that I don't know to my first period I just did my work. I like math so I'm glad it's my first period but this cute guy sits next to me and I looked rlly bad today so I wanted to cry but not that much.

It just sucks that I have to let people see my disgusting appearance everyday even though I don't want to yk?

That guy didn't say anything to me bc we arent friends but whenever he does I don't even say words back I just nod my head or sumthing. It's bc my voice is a bit fucked up from smoking since 6th grade so I have to cough before I start talking which is an inconvinience I have made an instinct to ignore. In my next class I studied for my oral spanish test since theatre tech doesn't matter. In my 3rd period class I talked to my friend but I kept talking and I think she was getting rlly annoyed at me so I stopped. I still have to finish the notes for that class. I had lunch after that and it smelled so good I wanted to cry because I felt so fat for enjoying the smell of the food (today was a very crying mood). Me and my friend from 3rd period watched gravity falls till lunch ended and then we walked to english. I went to english and hated every second of it despite it being one of my highest grades. after that I went to the PSAT dry run and started a practice test that I was doing kinda good in. After that I went to biology and took the test and got a 100. after that I went to spanish and took the oral exam and I got paired with the cute guy from my first period. My heart was lowkey racing bc I didn't wanna fail but also bc his voice is soooo fine too.

After that I went to my last period class and prayed lily got her cart so we could get baked but she didn't. I walked to the front of the school with lily and her friends, behind them while they were talking to her. I followed lily around and talked to her and her friends till the bus came

ALSO there was a fight and me and lily didn't see it but we say the guys getting caught and one of them had a shit ton of blood running down his neck!! And we saw a video and it was two edgars fighting AND AT ONE POINT THE OTHER EDGAR GOT ONTOP OF THE ONE WHO WAS BLOODY AT THE END AND BC HE WAS SAGGING HIS BOXERS WERE ON FULLLL DISPLAY LEMME TELL YA.

On the bus me and lily watched insta reels and I asked her if she wanted to go to the creek without smoking n she said no.

I'm sad that kaiden didn't remember me, he was the last person I knew was interested in me and now I aint even got that goin for me. Maybe I just got ugly over summer or sum which would make sense bc I gained some weight but I'm only eating like 300 calories a day now so hopefully I lose it soon. I hope I'm pretty by my birthday.

[chisatowo]

Headshots of the adult half of the main protags in this story

[falcqns]

Hii i have this request in mind like Chris Evans x Actress! Singer! Reader like the reader and chris dated for 3y idk but they broke up but the reader always visit chris’ family bc she treated them like family aswell specialy when the reader’s parents died so she spend Christmas there or any occasions bc chris’ family invite her and when chris got a new gf the reader is kinda hurt bc she still love chris but she try to look like she doesn’t care but then she released her new song its called deja vu (by olivia rodrigo) and she release it to her bday so when the song is released the fans knew its abt chris bc of the new gf (chris’ fam doesn’t like the new gf and the fans kinda didn’t support them bc of the girl’s attitude) and chris’ family invites her over bc they want to show the reader something and when the reader got there they surprise her for her bday and congratulate her and turns out chris is there too with his new gf🤨and the reader knew chris’ new gf hated her bc of her look and scott called you all to the living room and watch the mv of the reader’s new song and when the mv ends scott and the fam congratuleted the reader and chris’ gf is giving the reader looks again and chris is noticing it and when the reader is in the kitchen alone getting something chris talk to her and congratulate her and chris’ new gf wrapped her arms around chris and chris tried to stop her to make a scene but she started a scene and scream at the reader but the reader cut her off and embarrassing her and the reader prove the new gf shes first not her (idk if that make sense lol) and the new gf leave(idk you can make her a random name so its not only “new gf”) and the reader and chris talk and they got back together, you can do wha you want at the end this is just so random bc i was listening to deja vu and advance thank you if you do my request! Stay safe! ❤️ and im so sorry if this is so long

Deja Vu

pairing: Chris Evans x singer!reader

warnings: parents death, major angst, fluff. 

a/n: thank you for the request! Hope you enjoy!

You had known Chris since college, when you had met him in your communications class. You two had grown close quickly, and became best friends. 

He brought you home every Christmas Eve, before you would go home to your parents house on Christmas Day. You had always felt like a part of the family, so when your parents passed a way, you turned to him. 

You and your parents were driving home from a Christmas Day church service, when you were hit by a semi truck. It had completely totalled the car, and your parents had died on impact. You had been sitting in the back, and only had a broken leg from where your moms seat had been pushed back into it roughly. 

You had been pulled from the car and sat in a second ambulance, while your parents were transported in another. You knew you'd never forget watching that ambulance door close and drive away, knowing that was the last time you'd ever see them. 

When the police officers asked if there was anyone you could call, you didn't know what to do. Your parents were both only children, so you had no aunts, uncles or cousins. You were an only child too, so you had no siblings, and your grandparents had passed when you were little, your other ones passing before you were born. 

So when the officer asked you, you told him the Evans’ phone number. Lisa picked up on the second ring, and you tearfully explained what had happened as the shock wore off. She immediately said she’d meet you at the hospital, and not to worry, that she and Bob would take care of you. 

You were taken to the hospital and treated for your broken leg. Less than an hour after you arrived, Lisa arrived at the hospital with Chris in tow. They comforted you, and took you home with them. You stayed in Chris’s room for the first few days, and when you were given your own room, you still had a hard time sleeping alone, so Chris ended up in your bed with you most nights, not that he minded. 

You never went back to college, and instead turned to singing as a release from all the pain you were feeling. You started out posting covers on YouTube, and gradually progressed to getting a record deal with Interscope Records, which didn't surprise anyone who knew you. You had immense talent, and your parents used to tell you that they were counting down the days before you were a celebrity. 

When Chris graduated college and told you he was moving to Los Angeles, he convinced you to come with him. Prices were high in LA, and he didn't want to be separated from you for too long, so you joined him. He got to be an actor, and you got to be a singer, which is what you both had wanted since you were younger. 

You went to every one of Chris’s movie premieres, and he attended as many of your live shows as he could. You supported him through all his relationships and his breakups, and played the middle man whenever he and Jenny would fight, up until the very end. You told yourself you did that because you just wanted what's best for him, but you both kind of knew that wasn't the reason at all. 

Throughout your time living together, you friendship grew, as did your feelings for each other. You'd be lying if you didn't have a small crush on him in college, and those feelings only grew as time went on, especially since the two of you decided to only get a one bedroom apartment. Mainly because it was cheap, but also because Chris made a decision a week after your parents death to never allow you to sleep alone because of the nightmares that would occur if he wasn't there.

So, when you won your first award for your first album, named ‘hand in hand’, he kissed you the second you came off the stage with your award in hand. It blew your mind that he felt the same, but you were happy nonetheless. You two began dating that night, and everything was perfect. 

Until, you were invited by 5 Seconds of Summer to be their opening act on their newest tour. You had agreed, and Chris let you go. You two had been dating for over 3 years, and you thought your relationship would be fine. 

You quickly realized however that that wasn't the case, when the two of you started fighting less than two weeks into the tour. The fights weren't anything major, more petty things like ‘did you change the Netflix password’ or ‘why did you take this piece of clothing, that was mine and it was my favourite.’ All around stupid fights. 

You had turned to Calum, who you were closest with, and he consoled you as much as you could. You realized however, that you couldn't be with Chris anymore when he drunk called you in the middle of the night while you were in the UK and got angry with you when you answered and told him to call you back in the morning when he was sober, to which he proceeded to brag that he slept with his co star at the time, Jessica Alba, you freaked out and ended things. 

You got a message from Jessica on instagram the next day letting you know that they did not sleep together, and that she was sorry he even said it. You assured her it was fine, and felt relief.

Relief because you got to the bottom of the situation, but also relief from your relationship. You didn't know what happened in those few weeks, but you knew the relationship was turning toxic, and you wanted to stop it before that happened. Neither you or Chris needed that. You told him you’d find a new place to live, and by the time tour ended, you bought yourself a house in Beverly Hills, and moved out of the apartment.

Chris moved out not long after, and bought his own house. He had tried to stay friends with you, but you didn't want that at that point in time. You were still hurting, and needed time to heal. 

Once you felt ready to date again, you were asked to be Calum’s date to the Peoples Choice Awards, you accepted. You knew Chris would be there, and you were hoping to talk to him, and maybe work it out. He had told you during the break up that he would always wait for you to come back, and that he still loved you, and always would. 

But you knew that wasn't the case when he showed up on the red carpet, with a new actress named Myra Woodfield. You had smiled at him, while trying not to break down inside, but he gave you a dirty look and rolled his eyes at you when Calum wrapped his arm around your waist for a picture. You furrowed your eye brows and took a good look at Myra. 

She looked almost exactly like you. Same build, same hair colour, same eye colour. The only difference is that she was slightly taller than you. You didn't know why he was replacing you, but it hurt. You pushed it out of your head however, and enjoyed the night with your best friend. 

It was a few months later when you were awoken by the constant dinging of your phone. You unlocked it, and saw you had a lot of unread messages from Luke, Ashton, Michael, Calum, and your other best friend Ashe about Chris’s new movie trailer, you sighed. 

You watched the trailer, and sighed when it looked like a recreation of a bunch of moments in your relationship with him, only Myra was in your place. 

Your fans and some of Chris’s had commented on it, and Myra immediately became aggressive with them, and insulted them. She told them that you were a nobody who could make Chris happy, which she was glad about because she made him happy how. 

Within minutes of this happening the hashtag #cancelmyrawoodfield was trending on twitter. You shamelessly went through the tweets and like and retweeted a couple. Then an idea popped in your head.

With a quick google search, you had a plan. 

You had written a new song called Deja Vu after the peoples choice awards, and it was had been recorded a few weeks ago, and you just had to decide on a date to release it, and make a decision on the music video. Her birthday was in about 3 months, which gave you enough time to get everything in place to drop on her birthday. 

Was it evil? Yes. Did you care? Not really. Besides, you inherited your pettiness from your mother and you knew she’d be proud of you. You called your manager and label, and got it planned out. 

When the new music video had been announced, Lisa called you and invited you home to watch it premiere with the family. You accepted, knowing Chris and Myra would be there, and that her birthday would get overshadowed by the release of your music video.

So, three weeks later, you were sitting with Lisa, Bob, Carly, Shanna, Scott, Chris and Myra in Lisa’s living room, waiting for the video to premiere.

Scott had picked you up at the airport earlier in the morning along with Carly and Shanna, and the four of you had a laugh about the face that no one acknowledged Myra’s birthday, not even Chris. It was mean, but no one liked her. 

Lisa absolutely hated her, but didn't want to upset Chris, so you got a call shortly after the PCA’s from her and the two of you ranted about her for a good two hours. 

You watched as the timer counted down from 10, and then the screen turned black. You took a deep breath and watched Chris out of the corner of your eye. 

You had searched for a while for a guy who looked similar to Chris, and you stumbled on Andrew Siwicki. He didn't look exactly like Chris, but it was close enough that everyone would know who the song was about if they didn't already. Andrew was a fan of Chris and hated Myra too, so he was more than glad to help you out. 

The music began to play, and you watched as the black screen faded in on two people walking along the beach, holding hands. 

“Car rides to Malibu Strawberry ice cream One spoon for two And trading jackets Laughing 'bout how small it looks on you,”

The next scene was a recreation of yours and Chris’s first date where you two had a picnic on the beach, and ended up splashing each other with the ocean water. Towards the end, everyone watched as Andrew picked you up and threw you into the water the same way Chris always did. 

You glanced at him, and could have burst into laughter at how uncomfortable Chris looked, but more importantly how angry Myra looked. 

“Watching reruns of Glee Being annoying Singing in harmony I bet she's bragging To all her friends, saying you're so unique, hmm,”

The next scene was you and Andrew (who was dressed as Ransom) on what appeared to be a recreation of the Knives Out set, running around with a dog that looked like Dodger chasing after you, the two of you laughing. The next shot was the two of you kissing behind a trailer, seemingly hiding from production. 

“So when you gonna tell her That we did that too? She thinks it's special But it's all reused That was our place, I found it first I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you,”

The next scene was the two of you driving through Southern California, in a car that was almost identical to Chris’s. You two were laughing and singing along to the song, your hair whipping around you.

You took a deep breath, knowing this next scene would piss him right off.

“Do you get déjà vu when she's with you? Do you get déjà vu? (Ah), hmm Do you get déjà vu, huh?”

This scene was you, along with the rest of Chris’s family sitting around a living room that looked like the one you were in now, a Christmas tree full of presents in the corner. The camera panned across everyone as everyone was talking and settled on you and Andrew and the two of you recreated the scene where Chris whispered in your ear how much he loved you, and couldn't wait to start a family with you. 

“Do you call her Almost say my name? 'Cause let's be honest We kinda do sound the same,”

The screen showed you and Andrew saying goodbye at the airport, with 5 Seconds of Summer standing behind you. They weren't actually there when you left for tour, but Luke suggested it to piss Chris off, and you had agreed. 

Then there was a small montage of clips from tour, including a shot of Michael elbow dropping Ashton into a pool, which made everyone laugh, except Chris and Myra. The montage was followed up by you sitting on the floor of a dressing room and crying as you sent a text that said “I’m done.”

“Another actress I hate to think that I was just your type,”

Now you were on the red carpet, with Calum right beside you. You both were wearing the same clothes you wore on that night, you hair and makeup recreated perfectly. The camera unfocused on you as you turned and looked at Andrew and an actress named Alexa Morrison, who looked a lot like Myra, and they were recreating Chris and Myra’s actions perfectly. The camera swivelled around and came to rest pointing towards your face, as you looked in shock, and a single tear fell down your face. 

“I'll bet that she knows Billy Joel 'Cause you played her Uptown Girl You're singing it together,”

You were shown watching a movie trailer with Ashe sitting next to you, while you sobbed at what Alexa and Andrew were doing. You looked at the camera and began singing the song, while Ashe and everything else around you was frozen.

���Now I bet you even tell her How you love her In between the chorus and the verse (ooh) (I love you),”

You were sat on the bed in Chris’s red flannel that you had stolen before leaving for tour, and you were writing in the notebook aggressively with tears rolling down your face and singing.

“So when you gonna tell her That we did that too? She thinks it's special But it's all reused That was the show we talked about Played you the song she's singing now when she's with you,”

You were now being shown sitting on the couch, and watching Andrew run across the TV screen dressed as Captain America, an ice cream tub in your hand. You were wearing sweats and a t shirt, your hair in a messy bun.

“Do you get déjà vu when she's with you? Do you get déjà vu? Oh Do you get déjà vu?”

The camera circled around you before transitioning to the next scene. 

“Strawberry ice cream in Malibu Don't act like we didn't do that shit too You're trading jackets like we used to do (Yeah, everything is all reused),”

You were shown laying down in bed, and your eyes closing before an image of you and Andrew danced, dressed as Steve and Peggy in endgame, a scene Chris always told you the two of you would recreate one day. You had called Hayley and asked if it was okay, and she immediately said yes, and even came and watched you do the scene.

“Play her piano, but she doesn't know (oh, oh) That I was the one who taught you Billy Joel (oh) A different girl now, but there's nothing new (I know you get déjà vu),”

When your eyes opened, you were sitting at your piano, and playing while singing along. 

“I know you get déjà vu I know you get déjà vu,”

Suddenly, the piano disappeared, and you were left standing in an empty living room as the screen faded to black. 

The entire room burst into cheers as the video ended, except for Myra, who looked like she was going to murder you, and Chris who just clapped with a tight lipped smile. 

Later that night after all the kids had gone to bed and Lisa was driving Bob home,  Scott had pulled you into the kitchen under the pretences of ‘helping him fix a drink’, which ended up just being the two of you gossiping about Chris and Myra, and the music video.

Suddenly, Chris walked in, and nodded for Scott to leave. You cleared your throat and ignored him.

“That was a good song, and an amazing music video.” He said. “I can see you're just getting more and more talented as time-” He began, as you rolled your eyes, and looked at him. 

“What do you want?” You asked bluntly. 

“I just wanted to congratulate you.” He said, and you were about to open your mouth, when Myra came slinking in the room with an evil look on her face. 

“Nice job, Y/N. I’m glad I could inspire your music video.” She said sarcastically, and you could tell Chris was about to defend you, but you opened your mouth first. 

“Well, I’m glad I had such a snake like bitch to draw inspiration from,” You said, and heard Scott, his siblings burst into laughter in the living room. Myra’s jaw dropped and she turned to look at him. You looked up at Chris, who was leaning up against the counter, and biting back a smile.

“You’re just going to let her talk to me like that?” She asked, and Chris sighed.

“Myra, don't start. Not now.” He said, she scoffed. 

“I knew you still loved her. Only a pathetic loser could love someone as ugly and untalented as her.” She spat, and Chris growled. You felt tears welling up in your eyes, and you ran out of the room, your drink abandoned on the counter. 

You ran into your bedroom, where you shut the door, and fell onto the bed in tears. 

Back in the kitchen, Chris had gotten in Myra’s face, and was yelling.

“DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO HER LIKE THAT! SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT IN HER LIFE, AND I WON’T ALLOW YOU TO ADD TO THAT!” He screamed, as Scott, Carly, and Shanna ran to the door, unsure of what to do. “SHE IS SO TALENTED, WAY MORE TALENTED THAN YOU! YOU’RE THE REASON PRODUCTION TOOK SO DAMN LONG, IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET A PERFORMANCE OUT OF YOU! YOU OPENLY INSULTED HER AND HER FANS HOURS AFTER YOU WERE ANNOUNCED TO BE IN THIS MOVIE, AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO COME TO ME CRYING BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE FEELINGS GOT HURT!” He screamed, and Shanna ran and backed Chris away from her. 

“YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND! AND ITS MY BIRTHDAY, YET HERE YOU ARE, CONGRATULATING HER FOR A SHITTY MUSIC VIDEO!” Myra screamed, and it was Scott’s turn to get in her face. 

“You need to leave. If you don't we’re going to call the cops.” He stated, and Myra rolled her eyes before storming out of the house. 

Scott turned back to Chris, and was shocked when he saw him in tears. 

“You need to work shit out with Y/N. It’s clear the two of you are still in love, and you need to figure it out as adults,” Scott said, his sisters nodding. Chris took a deep breath, and looked at your closed bedroom door.

Chris walked up to your bedroom door, and took a deep breath before entering the room where he used to sleep in every night.

He opened the door, and saw you curled up in a ball on the bed, your body still shaking. He smiled sadly, and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat on the bed behind you, and rubbed your back gently. 

“I’m sorry. Not just for what Myra said, but for everything. For breaking your heart, and for causing you so much pain. I didn't realize how much I was missing you too until we watched that music video and I saw how truly broken you were. I never noticed that before now. And I’m sorry I didn't. If I’d have, I could have fixed this sooner, and we could be together right now.” He said.

You furrowed your brows at his last sentence and sat up.

“W-What?” You asked, and Chris moved closer. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug. 

“I still love you. So so much.” He smiled, and a tear rolled down his face. “You're my entire world, and not having you here is slowly breaking me apart. I didn't know just how much until today, but I can't live another day without you.” He said. “I’m so sorry I hurt you baby.” He sobbed, and his head buried itself into your hair. Your body shook with sobs too, and you turned around to face him.

“I love you too.” You sobbed out. “I never should have ended things, but-” You said, but were cut off by Chris’s lips on yours, and you felt yourself melting into it.

He pulled away a few seconds later. “Don't. It was my fault, not yours. I am so sorry, and I am going to spend the rest of my life making up for it, I promise.” He said, as he stood the two of you up and led you out of the room, and to his.

“Where are we going?” You asked, and Chris pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“I have to grab something.” He said. He opened his closet, and grabbed something out of the top corner before turning to you. 

“I said I planned on spending the rest of my life making it up to you, and I plan on keeping that promise.” He said, as he got down on one knee. You gasped, as he opened the box and your dream engagement ring was inside. “I want you for the rest of my life, and the next. Will you marry me?” he asked, tears pouring down his face, just like yours.

You nodded enthusiastically, and Chris stood up. He placed the ring on your ring finger and scooped you up. “I love you,” You choked out, and Chris sobbed harder into you. 

“I love you too, and I’m never letting you go.”

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[yelenasdog]

moving out, moving on (mitch rapp x fem reader)

genre: fluff

summary: mitch and reader are taking another step towards mitch moving on, and it’s bittersweet.

words: 2.2k

warnings: drinking wine, kinda suggestive at times, talks abt katrina, mitch being emotional, my writing being melodramatic LOL

a/n: so. this was written during an all nighter that went to 7 am where i was listening to nicki minaj and eminem (???) for a good duration of it so. i’m very sorry if this is wonky at times! i hope u enjoy either way! mwah 

🥍🥍🥍

The early morning rays streamed through thin fabric, draped above the assassin's window. Dust particles floated about, becoming visible within the section of light cast from the sun. The birds perched outside the small apartment tweeted happily from their branch, their songs beautiful. 

Though, they were quite pesterous to the pair that lay together, wrapped in gray sheets. They reveled in the heat provided by the soft blanket, but even more so by the warmth from their joint bodies.

A mop of dark brown hair stirred, bringing one hand up to softly rub his eyes with his knuckle, the other hand snaking around the waist of the woman peacefully sleeping beside him. He watched with fond eyes as she lightly groaned, rolling to face away from the invasion of bright, turning towards her love. 

Mitch smiled down at her sleepy behavior, reaching out and brushing stray hairs from her forehead. He reluctantly retracted it only moments later, forcing himself out of bed to go and prepare the two of them for their big day as best he knew how: Coffee.

His sock clad feet dragged across the hardwood as he went, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips and groggy-ness (a word Y/n had donned as her own, and Mitch had caught on to) still very prevalent in his entire system. 

The Rhode Island air was frigid this time of year, Mitch allowing a grin to break out on his face upon remembrance of two nights previous, just how cold Y/n had been in the arena of the Providence Bruins hockey team. Nose pink, donned in a beanie proudly showing the team's logo, well, he had found himself a new lockscreen.

He shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of said groggy-ness, his body on autopilot as it made the beverages. He picked out her favorite mug from the cupboard (AKA a souvenir from Dubai he had picked up long ago) that she had adopted as her own, drinking out of it every time she would spend the night, almost like clockwork. He waited for his coffee beans to brew, scratching his stubble along his jaw. He flinched, though, when he felt two arms wrap around his middle. He quickly relaxed into the embrace upon realization of who the supposed assailant was, her head finding its way to rest on his bare shoulder.

“You scared me, there.” Mitch muttered, his larger hand inching towards her’s on his waist. He closed his eyes in content and she hummed in acknowledgment. Mitch allowed her to turn his figure to face her, still residing in her arms, seeing a bright smile plastered across her face.

“Only for a minute though, right?”

She laughed to which he chuckled in response, nodding in false surrender. “You’ve got me there, Y/n/n.” He mused, his eyes lighting up at the sound of the coffee machine beeping. He looked back to her, shrugging.

“I made you coffee, was gonna bring it to you in bed but, y’know.” He gestured to where she had now climbed up to sit on top of his counter, his sweatshirt around her that read “Brown University” across the front in large lettering pooling around her thighs.

“It’s alright, I need to get a move on anyway.” She smiled, hopping down to retrieve the mug, taking the warm ceramic from Mitch’s hands and sighing at the wondrous feeling that had spread through her whole body. She lifted it to her lips and drank, not surprised that her boyfriend had made it just the way she liked, to perfection. 

“Thank you, baby.” She commented, reaching up to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Her lip curled as she pulled away, Mitch already knowing what she was going to say, a laugh bubbling up in his throat.

“Mitch! Go brush your teeth, for the love of God!” She whined, watching as he scampered off towards the bathroom, snickering all the way. She rolled her eyes, downing the rest of her beverage before following where Mitch had gone.

Once in the bathroom after rinsing her and Mitch’s mugs, she tied her hair up, undressing and turning on the water (practically scalding hot, of course). Mitch had no objections to the temperature, though, seeing as it was his last time showering with her in that apartment, and in that apartment, period. 

The whole thing felt very symbolic to Y/n, at least, seeing it as washing themselves clean for the next phase of their lives together, a sort of preparation. (Maybe not so much for Mitch, who really was just pleased for any excuse to see his girlfriend naked.)

They used generous amounts of soap, as not only were most of them nearly empty (in fact, a few were and if it weren’t for Y/n, they probably all would be), but also that they had decided to simply just buy new toiletries as a whole for their new place.

They giggled at the sight of each other, all lathered in bubbles and suds. Mitch reached a finger forward, wiping it from above her eyebrows and preventing it from falling into her eyes. Y/n brought her arms around his neck, her lips connecting with his. “Much better.” She regarded with a smirk, before leaning back in.

Nearly 40 minutes later, they both emerged from the shower, fresh faced and ready for the day ahead. He didn’t have a lot that needed to be packed up, given that his place came fully furnished, so it took all but 2 hours and 5 boxes to pack up Mitch Rapp’s life. It honestly might have taken even longer than originally would have been needed, as Y/n would stop every time she found something interesting, allowing Mitch to tell her all about whatever stories had been connected to the item.

It had started with the ridiculous bird lamp that sat on his bedside table, once belonging to Mr. Nazir, and ended with his lacrosse stick. (And, a promise that one day, he’d show her how to play. He swore he’d never seen her smile that big.)

They also threw away and donated a lot, some of Kat’s old stuff bringing a pained smile to his face as he would place it in a box simply labeled “Kat” in messy, thick letters. He wasn’t sure if the box would end up in his new closet, covered in dust and unopened, or back with her family. But either way, he wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to her completely, which Y/n was able to understand.

“Mitch? Did you pack away your coats already?” Y/n called out, opening up the closet near the front door. Her breath slightly hitched in her throat upon seeing all of the photos of Mansur, still pasted to the painted wood, the edges curling up. 

“Nah, not yet, I was gonna handle that while you worked on the cupboards” He responded, busying himself with a text from Irene on his phone wishing him good luck. He looked up and saw what she had been asking about, his phone quickly sliding into his pocket as he made his way over to where she stood, visibly distressed. 

“How long have these been here?” She questioned, feeling Mitch’s arms wrap around her shoulders. She brought her hands up to grasp onto his wrists, leaning backwards into him and biting into her lip.

“Since the beach, when I decided to go after Mansur. When everything happened with the CIA, it was kind of a whirlwind, I didn’t really have enough time to even think about taking it down when I was only even here for hours at a time.” He lightly chuckled, watching as she stepped forward and began to take the pictures down, crumbling them up in her hands. 

She ran her fingertips over the indents left in the door, feeling the splinters against them. She turned back to Mitch, quipping how “Mr. Nazir won’t be too pleased about that.” 

He smiled, joining her in taking all of the images down, ripping them or balling them up in his fists. All of them ended up in one of the old Target bags they had been using for trash, filling up an entire bag (minus a few Dunkin cups sitting at the bottom).

Mitch trailed a few tender kisses down the left side of her next, and though it sounds cheesy, a feeling of hopefulness flooded himself out of most of the bitterness that had been stuck inside for so long. 

She turned her head to catch his lips with her own, and smiled into the kiss, her hand finding the back of his head. She lightly tugged on the chocolate colored strands and he groaned in content, to which her grin only widened. She pulled back, ruffling the top of his head before beginning to pack away the remnants of what was left in the closet. He rolled his eyes, following suit.

They had piled all of the boxes into the back of Mitch’s old decommissioned CIA vehicle (which was obvious that is was such, given that the side was littered with bullet holes and metallic scratches), returned the key to Mr. Nazir (who was glad to see Mitch go), and with that, they were off.

The new place wasn’t too far away, the pair taking a page out of Stan’s book and opting for a wonderful sense of privacy. It was nestled in a rural corner of Massachusetts, where Mitch would be able to come home to a sense of serenity. Y/n had already moved in her possessions, Mitch’s items being the last step. They’d also furnished the cozy cabin, trips to IKEA and Urban Outfitters (along with several other over-priced boutiques) making the place feel like a perfect fit for the couple.

Mitch’s strange and varied knick knacks made the house feel like a home, his lacrosse stick finding a new home by the front door, right under a hanging potted plant that Y/n and Mitch had decided to affectionately name “Charles” after a drunken night watching the X-Men movies. The house was littered in plants such as Charles, in fact, with Mitch’s first response to seeing all of them being “Wow, looks like a greenhouse in here.”

(Still, he’d grown to love the plant babies. Trust me.)

Two tired smiles made their ways to their faces as they both sat on their new sofa, admiring a job well done. Though several boxes still lay on the hardwood, unopened, they felt accomplished enough to pull out a bottle of wine that they had been saving for the occasion. It was an early housewarming gift from Stan, to which they were unprepared to take advantage of, it seemed.

“Baby, did we unpack the wine glasses earlier?” Mitch questioned, his mind slightly foggy of the day's events and early start.

“No, I think they’re still packed up.” She replied, to which Mitch’s eyes lit up, an idea forming and an imaginary lightbulb popping up over his head. He got up from his seat, a wide smile spreading across his face. Her expression mirrored his own, with an added quirked brow at his antics.

“I’ve got a solution, wait here.” Mitch responded, padding over to where he had remembered the new home of the mugs to be. Upon realization of what he was doing, Y/n smiled, rolling her eyes and bringing a hand up to run through her roots.

He shuffled back over moments later, his girlfriend recognizing one of the mugs in his hands as her favorite. He sat down next to her, with the bare skin of her thighs touching his own, jean clad. He bumped his knee to hers with a giggle, pouring out the Pinot Grigio into the mugs. 

She gratefully accepted it as it was handed to her, smiling as she took a sip. Mitch did the same, the two of them leaning back into the soft sofa. Y/n brought her legs up, cuddling into his side and absorbing his warmth. He brought his free hand to her side, a strong hold giving them both a strong sense of comfort as she lay her head on his shoulder.

The box labeled “Kat” remained unpacked along with the others on the floor, dust already beginning to gather. Mitch had come across it a few times that day, each time more thoughtful than the last as he struggled to decide what it was exactly he was feeling towards the objects; or perhaps towards the memory of Katrina.

He had come to realize that it was acceptance he felt, deep in his stomach, settling down. It had been brought upon him in totality over time, today’s events being the final step. A soft smile spread across Mitch’s face, a single tear falling from his eye. Y/n looked up, eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“Mitch, are you alright?”

He leaned down, connecting their lips in a watery yet nectarous kiss, his hand beginning to rub small circles on her shoulder. 

“Yeah, Y/n/n.” 

The fire they had built earlier was roaring, now, casting a warm glow across the pair’s features. The damp trail down his cheek was highlighted, nearly glistening on his skin like an amber. 

“I’m doin’ just fine.”

🥍🥍🥍

ok btw ik that wine in mugs would be a horrible idea but this is fiction so SHUSH

anyway i hope yall enjoyed! i love writing for mitch and i have lots of future fics for him, so if u liked this, please reblog and follow if ya wanna. mwah, go drink water and have some protein <333

 xx hj

[yostresswritinggirl]

hi! ik sojourner's already ended but i have an(other?) idea in case u ever pick it up since i love ur albedo 😳😳 ok so

what abt a reader who is rlly excited abt alchemy, but they avoid talking abt it bc they start rambling and stuttering and stumbling over their words bc they're so excited? they get assigned/asked to go w/ albedo bc they're rlly good at alchemy too, but they end up fidgeting a lot, muttering and stopping just a few words in before their volume rises and giving short answers when w/ him bc they're afraid of rambling (since they do it to think better when alone, sometimes insulting and arguing w the objects when they don't get the expected result) & being seen as annoying or unprofessional?? i'd like to see how he reacts to these and what he'd think!! and how or when he discovers the reason reader is acting like that

it's kinda (a lot, rlly skowkskdk i always have ideas but never write them) specific, but i rlly like the idea!! i'd love to see what u do w/ it if u ever pick it up in the future :D hope you're staying hydrated and well🥺🥰 -🌌

What do you mean Sojourner's already ended, Sojourner is eternal, Sojourner is forever-

Kidding aside, this is too cute to pass up, even if it's quite a lot! Cute Albedo brainrot moments always please. It might be too much sometimes but I hope you enjoy my interpretation of it! Scenarios format! Starry night, oh I'm always hydrated, thank you and I hope you're well!

For the Record

Albedo working with a Reader that's highly enthusiastic about alchemy but insecure about rambling... (masterlist)

You dealt with Alchemy a year before the Kreideprinz entered Mondstadt, your attunement to the mystic arts baffling and intriguing you every time. During that period, you're not really sure of what art you're doing but in the end, you kept doing great that the people had acknowledged your talents.

Through your own effort and self-study even if unnamed, you managed to put your talent into this art of Alchemy and created discoveries regarding powders and mineral-focused ingredients. It was a shame there was no one to share it to, and when you talk to scholars/practitioners alike, you end up rambling so much to the point that on their end you barely make sense. Whether this was caused by your eaten words or lax and personalized vocabulary over the matter, you're not sure.

Their confused and judgmental stare haunts you, leaving you alone with your raging thoughts and overworking mind when you just want to learn and expand your discoveries to other people without driving them away. Your enthusiasm is great and all, but it's not enough to make others understand.

So when the Chalk Prince entered Mondstadt, blessing the city with his scholarly knowledge and boundless creations, he easily made a name for himself and in extension the city itself.

Before Sucrose and Timaeus, you were called upon by the Grand Master Varka to accompany Albedo and be his temporary assistant seeing as his field in the division is still quite new and you were the only other 'Alchemist' in town besides him. You're both giddy and nervous, like really, really nervous.

You've heard of Albedo and maybe a caught a glimpse or two, but you've never actually interacted enough to know exactly what he looks like or how he is as a person. All you know is that he's a very, very attractive person overall.

"Good-looking, carries this aura of wisdom around him, he's just really charming," were the words that rang through your mind as you pointedly watched your steps, following the carpets leading to Ordo Favonius' laboratory while Lisa's words rang through your head.

Is he really that kind of person? You've heard that he's quite stoic too, but if he's really that distracting, you're scared that it would be harder for you to focus and help out. Honestly how would you even deal with him when your fields of Alchemy are so different from each other?

You have no idea how long you've been thinking, standing in contemplation in front of the set of double doors that leads to the workshop with nothing but doubt in your mind. But upon realizing the teal gaze of another person silently waiting instead of wooden doors, you figured it was far too long.

"Ah, I'm sorry! I was in my head, I wasn't expecting you to-!" You flailed your hands around comically before abruptly stopping, noticing the now confused stare of Albedo of which are distracted by your hands. Clearing your throat, you extended a hand towards him to shake, trying to stare anywhere but his face. "I'm (Y/N), I'll be your assistant until you're well settled in the city. It's nice to meet you, Ma-"

His hand finds yours in a firm grip, a firm shake so sudden you bit your tongue back, "Albedo, Kreideprinz of the Art of Kemia, but just Albedo is fine, I'll be under your care."

Albedo finds it intriguing and surprisingly not that distracting whenever you talk to yourself or to the ingredients whenever you so much as feel the slightest frustration. "Ugh, this Zinc powder is so stubborn, clingy," you angrily mumbled under your breath as you washed off the blue powder that spilled at your hand, "So, so clingy." Since you're facing the sink, you couldn't see the way he was holding himself from laughing audibly at your amusing antics.

You seemed lively and open, is what Albedo thought when he first met you. But this observation soon shattered when he kept getting hanged upon your abrupt stops when delving into your field, something he was really irked about the first few times. Your art of Alchemy is much different from his and he's wishing that you'd clarify and expound all your learnings to him, but in the end, you somehow step back everytime your words became lengthy.

Are you hiding something? Did you not want him to learn the same arts as yours? If those were the case, he couldn't bring himself to ask a simple question such ad why. Every time it crosses his mind, it brings a purse of a pout to his lips and furrowed eyebrows.

Every response you gave always hints even tiny bits of trivias and tips he's never heard, Albedo always takes note of your spills that always cuts before reaching its climax. "-sorry, yes, this is activated charcoal Geo and Pyro slimes reaction." He lets out an audible sigh upon your retreat, your frustrated mind too occupied to notice.

"Please," his desperation drips in his word when he looks at you with eyes filled with raw emotion you'd never know he'd be able to pull off. Your tightly locked lips only pressed on further at his puppy eyes, "Please continue, I wish to know more about your Alchemy, if you would be so kind."

"It's not really- I'm not really the best at explaining it..." You're almost fidgeting, cheeks aching from tensing and warmth. But he regarded you with a blank stare, forcing you to fill the silence, "If I- If I start, my ramblings may not uhm they're not easy to comprehend... or something."

Albedo had been watching more than he'd like to admit, and he's come to relieved (yet still confused) realization that your treatment with him wasn't his alone. You always step back before things get lengthy, words then cutting short and concise with a steeled expression. Lips caught between teeth.

"I digress," his hand motions to yourself to emphasize his next clause. "As your field and sole practitioner of this art, like my own condition, your word of mouth is the best ground of knowledge."

If he was irritated, he's doing a very good job in hiding it. And even with the respectable yet close distance in between you still felt cornered. This is still your master and it's not professional to refuse a scholarly talk, "The electro crystals when charged... ionized? create sparks, while also producing the same result when smacking- mining!"

The scribbles of his pen against his clipboard as he nods in attention urges you on, realizing his focus and sincere interest on the topic, "So when you put the little tidbits or even powdered version in a beaker thingy, depending on the material, they interact with the spark. Honestly, I'm unsure yet how lethal it is but if you put the sparks under fire too, they make like those makeshift gunpowder as well as additional reactions such as-!"

The lilt and proceeding high pitch in your voice usually signifies the approach of your insecurity as well as the climax of your enthusiasm. At this point, you pull your hand up to shut your mouth forcefully, and when Albedo really detests the abrupt end of the conversation his hand would shoot forward to grasp your own.

He'd intertwine your fingers to distract, before urging you to continue with a challenging stare, as if daring you to use your other hand to pull that off again. This whole scene felt oddly scandalous, but oh boy does it send your mind into a bambling, overloaded mess. A heated head forces your lips open even if they sometimes come out in a jumbled string, he learns to decipher them.

The more you get used to or feel more comfortable, Albedo uses that fondness skillfully whenever he wants. "Can you tell me more about the scarlet chunks from Dragonspine?" He throws it so casually in the silence as you two work back to back in your stations, without a beat as your mind is partially preoccupied, you answered into a narrative of trivia. It almost feels like you're talking to the flames of the bunsen while you wait, but Albedo smiles at the now filled silence as he listens with divided attention.

He really likes your voice, and the word of wonders you bring along with you.

"For the record, I don't mind it at all," his breath hovers on your lips, cold and prickly, "Whatever comes out of these lips, I want to hear it all."

That last part eheh

Woah, this went long. Like reader babbling hahaha. I said I'm gonna speedrun, not freaking write this long smh

@zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22 @yellowflowre @traveler-lumine @nonniechan @creation-magician @hanniejji @gojos-baby @just-some-stars @volleybloop @tartuu @moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @albaedhoe @xiaophilia @heisenwurst @childe-simp-exe

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

hey i don’t know if you’re the right person to ask and don’t feel pressured to answer this, but i’m kind of at a loss for what to do. i have one friend (R, on T for 6 years) who has had severe medical deterioration since transition, including a lot of the things you’ve made posts about plus complications from a hysterectomy. i have another friend (P, socially transitioned) who’s starting T soon. i wish i could send P some of your posts or even talk to them abt the people i know with health complications from medical transition, but he’s made it very clear that any questioning of his identity means that our friendship is basically over, and he’s so important to me that i can’t risk it. do you have, like, any advice at all? or even commiseration at this point, bc i have no one i can talk to about this irl and it feels suffocating sometimes. anyway, hope you’re doing well, and thanks for your work!!

Hi there friend. I'm afraid you're in a tough situation. I've been on both sides so I know: it's pretty much impossible to talk a trans person out of transitioning. Remember, they believe they will literally die (or kill themselves) if they don't transition and if you don't want them to transition, you want them dead. You can explain the medical effects to a person all day, but their reasons for transitioning have nothing to do with facts like "your uterus is rotting out of your body". Their reasons for transitioning are religious, ideological, and unfortunately illogical.

If you really value P's friendship and don't want to lose her, you know it is not wise to tell her how you feel. The only thing you can do is let her know that you care about her—you want to make her feel like, if she ever have doubts, she can turn to you. Trans ideology works a little like a cult, and trans people sometimes have their whole support networks made up of other trans people. So the thought of detransition triggers the thought of "if I leave the community, I will lose everything." That's why you need to make sure that P knows that in the event of a lapse in belief, they will not lose you. (<-found in this article by NYT, good read, check it out.)

That said, it really hurts to be around someone who you feel like is slowly poisoning/killing themselves in front of you. Making the decision to harm themselves every day of every week of every month of every year. It fucking sucks. Watching someone close to you transform on hormones feels like falling from a tower feeling your stomach drop, feeling the ground hurtle towards you, for months on end. If even being around this person may be triggering to you, there is nothing at all wrong with distancing yourself from P. Trans is like a cult, but also like an addiction. You can tell an alcoholic how she's destroying her liver, or a smoker she's shriveling her lungs, but she won't listen; it makes her feel good. What's the big deal? it gives her a sense of self and a place to be.

And you know what? That place that addicts occupy is a selfish one. P will not trust you over her trans journey. P will not think of your (or other women's) feelings or perspectives if they contradict trans ones. And you don't have to stick around for that.

You cannot save the addict from herself, you just can't. You can be patient and hopeful, and wait for her return to you, or you can turn your back and free yourself. Ultimately it doesn't matter which, because P is the only one who can save herself. Before she saves herself she may need to hit a rock bottom. The suffering might need to mount before she can ask herself if her identity is worth such pain. and it might take a too-long time. Sounds like your friend R is suffering 6 years in, but hasn't hit a breaking point yet. Not enough to stop. And sometimes, awful as it is, there's no guarantee that she will.

Keep talking please.

[neon--nightmare]

thinjks about. fresh

​THINKIN ABT…. his whole survival at whatever cost to other people, yourself before everything and everyone else mindset and how he assumes everyone else thinks that way too because he can’t comprehend anyone thinking different… but how he ALSO understands on a logical level that people with emotions will do irrational things for the ones they care about, and that he can use that, but it still baffles and even frustrates him…

thinks abt how he calls them stupid to justify it to himself and give himself a reason that makes sense, otherwise he’d just be mentally endlessly going around in circles on something he can’t comprehend, so he tells himself they’re just stupid and emotional and don’t make sense so HE doesn’t have to give it more thought

THINKS ABT….. in recovery, how hard he’d have to work past that mindset that everyone around him could be an active threat to him at any time, that if they call him over somewhere private, that they aren’t waiting to ambush and kill him, because that’s a mindset he’s been FORCED to learn, that he’s learned since he was created because otherwise he wouldn’t have even survived the three years he’s been alive, he HAD to live like this and internalize it and he’s never known any different

that he met the only person who loved him as he was, unconditionally (his first experience with any familial bond, he’d never had anything close to a family, he’d always been on his own and he LIKED it that way because other people are too unpredictable, and irrational, and even temporary allies were just tools to be used too that he would turn on in a heartbeat to get the upper hand instead of them doing it to him)

but in every single way that he thought about it, pacifrisk couldn’t be getting close to try and hurt or kill him unless they were planning with the others in a galaxy-brained plan just to get him to let his guard down before they struck, but he’d be prepared for that, or if they were somehow predicting all of his reactions, even the completely irrational ones where he got angry and lashed out that surprised himself just to attack him at his most vulnerable, but they put themselves in so much danger that wouldn’t make sense either, they believed in him so genuinely and unconditionally, and then he lost them right before his eyes,

and that reinforced every single negative belief he had, that trusting and loving people would only hurt them AND himself, blaming himself for letting them get too close, blaming himself for letting HIMSELF get attached because he knew this would happen, that it’d only end badly and it did, that all of his paranoia was proven right and that was the first time he ever felt grief

thinks abt how fresh physically, mentally couldn’t feel happiness, or comfort, living a life where the only emotions he could ever access were anger, fear, and sadness, and he couldn’t cope with those three because he never learned how, that he lived in a multiverse where everybody he met could experience positive emotions but they were always out of his reach, and he was jealous, deep down, while telling himself it was just because he was BETTER than them, and made to be better, perfectly designed

and if he kept pushing the flaws down it was like they weren’t there at all and he could keep telling himself he would never sink to their level and be like the irrational, childish, emotional other people he manipulated every single day, not because he’d feel pity for them, but because it would mean he was like them, that he was weak, that he wasn’t above them at all, that he wasn’t perfect and not being perfect and in top 100% form all the time he would be erased and replaced with another just like him, but without his flaws

THINKS ABT…. How part of his recovery is accepting that being at the level of other people doesn’t make him inferior, or pathetic, it just means they live their own lives too and have value, and that if he got attached to someone he probably wouldn’t recognize that they were like the hosts he possesses and tortures unless the person specifically points it out and explains it to him because he’s always just seen them as toys, pieces in a chess game, served an important purpose and provided entertainment, or got in the way, and then he’d move on to the next one because it was just what he did and needed to do to survive

and hurting others was made to be the only way he could feel anything slightly positive, even then it was just a shell of what ordinary people with emotions felt daily but at least it was something, he was made for a purpose and designed in every way to fulfill it

thinks abt… how hard fresh would have to unlearn those mindsets in recovery, that he’d have to be in a safe place where he wasn’t able to be killed for showing weaknesses, how he’d have to tackle everything he’d repressed so heavily throughout his literal entire life, learn to accept that he isn’t perfect and that’s okay, that some people are nice just because they can be, and it doesn’t mean that they’re trying to manipulate him, or are waiting to hurt or kill him, that sometimes kindness is unconditional and real, that he can be loved just the way he is

and it wouldn’t be easy, it’d be so so hard, but i think that’s important too, and how even though all of his life experiences would always leave a permanent mark on him, and always be a part of who he is, if he wanted to (which is the most important thing, more important than you’d think, it would mean letting his entire world crumble down around him with only a chance it would be built back up, of which he would have to take the word of other, emotional, people, which he’s built the biggest bias against throughout his entire life and everything he knows, and and and)

but if he wanted to, and had people who cared about him, which could definitely be dangerous for them at times if he lashed out, and it’d be a long process, and he’d never be able to make up for all he’s done, all of this is so much harder than i make it sound, but…

he could heal, and be happy. accept other people as his equals. not live in only fear, anger, and grief. live a life where he could trust people, and be trusted back. and i think that’d be just amazing