#who actually hurt you?

[the-rollerchloster]

Just feeling a little salty so I want to throw a thought out into the universe...

Has anyone ever considered that when you make your entire online personality about being anti something - by filling your blog with anti tags, or actively searching out posts/blogs to publicly berate - that you just look like a sore loser?

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[natjennie]

the injustice of the rat grinders technically playing by the rules and getting lauded for it because they have discipline and are generally Good at School vs the bad kids literally saving the world every other day and having to play catch-up to be acknowledged for it. the way that public school only caters to people who are good at "playing the game" of the education system and anyone that can't function how the school deems you should under its strict policies and conditions is tossed aside and called a failure. how are we feeling, american public school survivors?

[claraoswalds]

The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent

[lazylittledragon]

what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?

it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".

i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.

the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.

it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.

tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.

[yrsonpurpose]

Henry is royal, yes, but he’s also paralysed by his own fear of not being loved. — Nicholas Galitzine // Hunger Magazine

[objection-u-a-bitch]

You need to unlearn your misandry before you can be a proper ally and advocate for marginalised people. Because some of you like to deny it, but your distrust and hatred of men intersects with every marginalisation out there, while you're out here pretending that men can't be oppressed.

You don't trust a black man, you hold your purse a little tighter when one walks by, you cross the street to avoid him? Congratulations, you just perpetuated racism.

You don't trust a Jewish man, you won't let him express his Jewishness around you, you regard his kippah with fear? Congratulations, you just perpetuated antisemitism.

You don't trust a disabled man, you mock him for his awkwardness and hate him for trying to talk to you? Congratulations, you just perpetuated ableism.

You don't trust a trans man, you refuse to listen when he shares his experiences with misogyny or claim he betrayed women by transitioning? Congratulations, you just perpetuated transphobia.

You don't trust a fat man, you insult his appearance and mock him for trying to find a girlfriend? Congratulations, you just perpetuated fatphobia.

I could go on but I think my point is clear. You cannot separate your hatred of men from your oppression of marginilised groups, and to be a proper ally to any group you HAVE to unlearn it. I don't care if the patriarchy traumatised you. It has traumatised all of the men you hate too. So be better.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

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[beatcroc]

there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y

hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]

[haunted-xander]

Wholeheartedly

[bonkalore]

It feels utterly criminal that I've waited over a year since first drawing/coming up with her before even posting anything of her and now I'm dumping it all at once! 😭

This is Jayce's drider ex, Leticia, an aerial dancer, who he first met going to a club with his tracker buddies to celebrate his big untrackable find. Wanting to look cool with them, but immediately falls in love instead lmao. She was not convinced his feelings were genuine for a while at first, due to either fetishized or teased for being half spider (even with being an empath herself), but he was adamant about having his feelings known and she eventually caved to his affections and they were together for several years...

Eventually she was wanting to settle down and didn't like how dangerous his job was as a tracker and things got a bit rough towards the end. He didn't want to stop tracking, but he promised her one last mission where he might not need to anymore if he could find and open the coffer and release ancient magic for the world again, something that would benefit everyone! She thought he had ideals of grandeur too high to achieve and she went to stay with her folks for a bit, and then...

Jayce went missing for 5 years... She assumed eventually that he had passed and had to move on herself. She met someone else and started a family and has her second child on the way when Jayce finally returns again, far too late to try and fix things. She still cares for him a lot, but has moved on, while it's still fairly fresh in Jayce's mind as he was in stasis most of that time missing. They both wish each other happiness, but it still hurts...

[milkbreadtoast]

"I quit my job and became the Princess Bride"✨ Have you read this romance novel? 😇

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[sysig]

Off to make mischief and terrible decisions for everyone (Patreon)

[kabukiaku]

The Resurrection of Papa Emeritus IV.

I've been itching to draw Antichrist Copia for a long time now.

bonus happy ending:

also close up of seestor and rain:

[blackkatdraws]

Things may have gotten a bit... heated.

video format of my response in the Glue Trap Aftermath Chain