#why do i need to study why cant i just live off of consuming my hyperfixations and special interests for the rest of my life

[pinkfestivalpeanuttree]

weirdly specific genre of orv fic i enjoy are the oc x orv women fics. authors i appreciate you very much your ocs are all a delight to read about

[fantasy-dating-sim-trash]

I posted 3,029 times in 2021

64 posts created (2%)

2965 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 46.3 posts.

I added 392 tags in 2021

#obey me - 60 posts

#obey me satan - 56 posts

#obey me shall we date - 55 posts

#shall we date - 49 posts

#satan obey me - 42 posts

#satan - 41 posts

#i mean damn - 24 posts

#obey me mc - 22 posts

#holy shiiiiiiit - 22 posts

#obey me main character - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 78 characters

#who makes spread sheets for a catch game and thinks its fun?!? apparently i do

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

How to eat Crayons

MC: "Who takes off the wrapper when they're eating crayons? Just eat the entire crayon, don't be a bitch!"

All 7 brothers: ... *blinks in the audacity of this bitch*

Satan: that's not healthy! Nor should you be consuming a product that's not intended to be eaten.

Lucifer: MC you've been spending too much time around Mammon.

Satan: however if you have eaten crayons can I ask you some questions? *puts head on his hands to study the MC* I'm interested in knowing how it could potentially effect a humans body. Don't spare any details. *Pulls out a pen & notebook*

Lucifer: *pinches the bridge of his nose* Don't encourage this kind of behavior Satan.

Mammon: *offended noises*

Levi: *snickers*

Asmo: *horrified* MC That CANT POSSIBLY GOOD FOR HOW U LOOK!?! You can't do that to your gorgeous self!!

Beel: wait you can't eat crayons?!?

Belphie: Beel we talked about this. *sighs* No you can't eat crayons.

Beel: *puts a finger up to ask a question*

Belphie: yes that means with & without the wrapper.

Lucifer: *gets out of his chair* I'm done I can't do this anymore. Don't talk to me for the rest of the night... Wait make it the rest of the week. All of you are giving me an intense migraine. *leaves*

MC, Satan & Belphie: *share a look*

Beel: *sad demon noises*

Belphie: *pats Beel on the back*

106 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 07:27:39 GMT

#4

MC: *sitting on the counter in the kitchen legs swinging* Hey, Beel. I've got a question for you.

Beel: *looks up from the fridge* What's the question MC?

MC: Do you think different foods help with different cravings?

Beel: *forehead scrunched and goes back to looking in the fridge* I'm not sure I follow. Like different cravings? Like you're just hungry? Maybe go eat something?

MC: *shakes their head smiling* Not that kinda craving Beel. A different kind, I guess? Like chicken NUGGIES! *nods their head* Like how nuggies can only satisfy the craving for death for a short period of time!

Beel: *head whips up confusion and concern evident on his face* Satisfy a craving for what now MC? Why would you crave that??? Do you need to talk about anything? I'm always here if you need to talk or vent about anything that's bothering you?

MC: *laughing* I mean that's a very Beel response. I'm not sure what I expected as an answer but that sure didn't disappoint me. Its just back in the human world most people aren't what you would call okay I guess. So we often joke about it a lot. As a way to deal or cope with all the stress we feel. Since we relate to the fact being alive is really hard and hasn't gotten easy as time has gone on.

Beel: That's not a very good thing to joke about. It is kinda worrying that you think that talking of that as a joke.

Satan: *blinks in shock while walking into the kitchen* I'm not entirely sure what I walked in on, but if it helps I'm always down to bring some anarchy to the human world. *smirks* You know just for some additional fun and chaos. Plus it would be fun to add a little spice to humans boring, mundane lives up there. *shrugs* Also MC my door is always open for you if need to talk about whats going on in your brain. *flushes red slightly and looks away*

MC: *give a small smile* Thanks both of you for the offer. I really appreciate it and I'll take you both up on it, if the need arises. I promise! Oh Satan I was just asking Beel if he thought specific foods would help with different cravings. Like how nuggies make the craving to die go away for a little while. *quizzically cocks head slightly to the side* Do you have any interesting thoughts about this?

Satan: *goes to fill his water bottle of water, pondering* You mean like how spicy foods help with the craving of stopping your thought process temporarily? It's Especially helpful when you want to stop with any kind of negative thinking. Since you're more focused on how spicy the food is, and how it burns your mouth? That it stops you thinking about anything else except the burn. However that probably would only work if the person has a low spice tolerance. You mean like that MC?

Beel: *concern growing and his jaw drops in worry starts picking at the food at random*

MC: *snaps their fingers* YES EXACTLY LIKE THAT! You understood what I was getting at! Like that Beel?

Beel: *concerned noises and starts grabbing bigger quantities of food from the fridge* Are either of you okay? How... What... *his eyes going wide and flickering from side to side, starting to mindlessly pitting the food on the countertop beside MC*

MC & Satan: *share a look*

MC: I think we may have broken his brain a little bit.

Satan: *walks up near the MC closing the water bottle* I'm in agreement with you on that one. I think he's just buffering and trying to process what we said. Just give him a minute.

Beel: *puts the last of the food on the countertop, closes the fridge finally looks at both the MC and Satan*

MC & Satan: * eyebrows raised*

Beel: *grabs both of them into a bear hug and squeezes them tightly* You know I care about the both of you right? I love you both a lot!

MC: *squeaks tries to squirm* Beel ...you're crushing... me a little...

Satan: *squirms and struggling to get out of Beel's grip, getting red in the face* Beel, I'm gonna ask you nicely. Could you possibly please let go of us? You might hurt MC if you squeeze any tighter! They're human and a bit more fragile than us.

Beel: *shakes his head although loosening his grip a little bit* Nope! Not happening! Right now I'm making sure the both of you know you're valued and loved. Since that's part of being a family! We may fight and argue but we're supposed to be there for each other at the end of the day! So I want you to know I'm there for each of you!

Satan & MC: *look at each other in defeat knowing that when Beel has made up his mind theres no changing it. They both stop struggling and just let him hug them. Both of them internally vowing to make sure not to make him this concerned over them again. Plus Beel did give the best hugs out of all the brothers*

Beel: *happy demon noises as he hugs them*

Belphie: *walks into the kitchen wondering where his twin was sees the current scene happening. snickers and sighs a little to himself while slowly backing away fully knowing what happened. Since he's made that mistake before and not wanting to get dragged into it. He really did have the best twin brother, he was sure of it. Smiling to himself he goes back to his shared room to have a nap*

115 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 04:17:13 GMT

#3

Lucifer: I've got three moods.

Lucifer: 'Existing'

Lucifer: : 'staring at the wall',

Lucifer: or 'working'. That's all I know how to do.

Satan: *popping his head in* You give yourself too little credit about what you know how to do. You forgot you know all about being Diavolo's bitch boy! *starts running away cackling*

Lucifer: *goes after him*

Later

Mammon: *finds Satan strung upside down from the chandelier*

Satan: Totally worth being strung up! It just proves my whole point! *looks at Mammon blonde hair hanging out of his face* What?!? Lucifer and I had a creative difference in opinion. He said he only knew how to do three things. I just pointed out the fact that it wasn't true. He knows all about being Diavolo's little bitch boy.

Mammon: *laughing* Honestly that makes sense. But you forgot the most obvious thing he knows all about doing.

Satan: *eyes shine* Oh and what would that be? *smirking and his eyes go a bit wide but that fact goes completely unnoticed by Mammon*

Mammon: *shrugs* As if you don't already know. The most obvious fact he forgot is that he's a huge buzz kill and ruins any chance of fun we try to have by being an overbearing dictator.

Satan: *snickers and scoffs* Oh. How could I forget about that?

Mammon: *realization hits, sighing* He's behind me isn't he?

Satan: *raises an eyebrow* What do you think?

Even later

MC: *finds both brothers string upside down from the chandelier, sighing* What did you two do this time?

Mammon: *scoffs* You assume we did something wrong? Ha!

MC: Gives a pointed look*

Satan: *looks at Mammon* Mammon you really aren't all there sometimes I swear. Obviously something happened BECAUSE WE'RE STRUNG UPSIDE DOWN! *coughs* From the chandelier.

Mammon: oh right. Yeah we messed up. *shrugs*

Satan: We were just honest with Lucifer and he didn't like our version of the truth. Weirdly enough Mammon and I agreed on something for once.

Mammon: yeah! Like he only knows how to only do three things? As if!

Satan: Clarifying on Mammon's point, Lucifer said he only knew how to do three things. I then told him that he knew more than what he was giving himself credit for. Like he knows all about being Daivolo's little bitch boy.

Mammon: I then found Satan string up from here. Then told Satan the he forgot the most obvious thing Lucifer knows how to do. That being such a pain in my ass or a massive buzz kill whenever anyone wants to have any kind of fun. *grumbling*

MC: *laughing and smiles* I think you two are forgetting another thing he knows how to do pretty well! That is stringing his brothers upside down from the chandelier as a form of punishment. So he knows how to do more than 6 things clearly! *sees the look on the boys grim faces then feels a looming presence behind them, sighs* He's behind me isn't he?

Mammon & Satan: *small nods*

MC: *whispering* damn it..

Even more later

MC: *hanging right side up with the two brothers upside down* He's such a god damn buzz kill! He's so goddamn sensitive about what anyone says about him! He think he knows everything. Holy hell, he really doesn't know how to handle the god damn truth!

See the full post

136 notes • Posted 2021-07-13 04:18:39 GMT

#2

MC: *yelling at their D.D.D. screen* QUEER baiting is wrong, so LETS ATTEMPT MURDER! *sighs* Fucking hell why would they do such a thing!?! Don't pander to the community and say explicitly there's gonna be queer CONTENT ONLY FOR THERE TO BE NONE OR LIKE A 60 SECOND CLIP!

Satan: *pops his head through the door* Did I hear someone mention murder? *walks into the room*

Belphie: *wakes up from his nap on the couch* Murder?

Mammon: *attempting to walk into the room nonchalantly* What kinda murder we talking about here? Not that I care that much about it anyway but you might as well tell me while I'm here anyway. *flops on the ground near the MC*

MC: it's just this show I enjoy. The creators of it announced that there was gonna be a canon queer ship in the new season, and I will say they sounded mighty excited about it. Only for one of the queer couples to be killed off within like a minute of showing the representation!!! How could they do that!?! I just wanna murder them for doing that. *pouts, puffing out cheeks* it ain't fair!

Asmo: * walking into the room as well, then fluffs and ruffles the MC's hair giving them a hug from behind* You're so adorable when your mad MC!! I didn't think you could get any more adorable!?! How ever we don't want those wrinkles to leave any marks do we? And for them to make you less cute. *pats their cheek, moving to the front of the MC then sitting next to them*

Mammon: OI! STOP TOUCHING AND GETTING HANDSY WITH THE MC, ASMO! I WAS THEIR FIRST! YOU NEED TO BACK OFF!

Asmo: *rolls his eyes*

Lucifer: *storming into the room* What the hell is all this commotion I'm hearing out here!!! I can't do all this paperwork or get any WORK DONE THAT I need to with all of you making so much damn noise!

MC: *Glares* I want to attempt MURDER LUCIFER! I'M VERY UPSET RIGHT NOW! CAN'T YOU TELL HOW DISTRAUGHT I AM!

Beel: *comes into the room with a mouth full of food* waph abpfft Murffph fjdbdisnem?

Lucifer: *pinching the bridge of his nose sighing* MC, you need to stop acting like Asmo; we only have room in this house for one drama queen. And Beel how many time do I have to tell you NOT to talk with your mouth full of food. Nobody can understand what you're trying to say.

Asmo: I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN LUCI! *puffs up like a cat and dramatically gasps* How could you say such uncouth things about me! I am the absolute epitome of beauty and grace! You take that back Lucifer!

Satan:*sighs* Lucifer can you just shut the hell up and let the MC explain. It's not that hard to let other people or demons speak without you interrupting them. You could just let others speak their mind and have an opinion that doesn't align with your own for once. Or are you too proud to admit it?

Beel: *food swallowed at this point* My bad, I said what about murder?

Levi: *barging in all huffy* ughhhhh what's with all the noise I can't watch the newest episode of my anime! Can't you normies be quiet at any time of the day?!? There's only so much time in THE DAY TO WATCH ALL OF THE STUFF. I'll never get caught up at this rate.

Lucifer: Satan... You better watch what you're saying or I'm GONNA STRING YOU UP NEXT TO MAMMON FROM THE BANNISTER OR THE CHANDELIER!

Mammon: OI! WHAT DID I EVEN DO THIS TIME!?!

MC: *realizing this spiraling out of control, and that they have to say why their angry quickly and loudly* OMG Y'ALL NEED TO SHUT UP AND STOP ARGUING ALL THE DAMN TIME! I'M UPSET OVER A SHOW I WAS WATCHING QUEER BAITING THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY!!!

Everyone: *blinks in stunned silence*

Levi: *understanding crosses his features* I'll summon Lotan!!! Thats such an unfair and unusually cruel thing to do!!! We can murder them by drowning or Lotan can do it! I hate it when creators of a show do that to their audience!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM!?! Its like when you think a ship is gonna happen in a story and it gets all set up and then they go the completely OFF the rails IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!

Satan: *nods and scoffs in annoyance* That's the absolute worst. Like what was the whole point in setting up that plot and storyline!?! It was a complete waste of everyone's time. *grins* I've definitely got some nice spells and curse I've been dying to try out, that we could use on the creators.

Asmo: We can totally ruin their reputation on all social media platforms!!!

*everyone else starts slowly getting angry about it and starts supporting the idea making plans on how to murder the creators who made you upset*

MC: *sitting there dumbfounded at how fast the mood changed, and it how seriously they were contemplating actually murdering these people*

Mammon: so we are all in agreement then. WE RIDE AT DAWN TO MURDER SOME QUEER BAITING BITCHES!

246 notes • Posted 2021-07-11 04:10:48 GMT

#1

MC: *grumpy* fuck being nice Imma start biting people

Lucifer: *walks past* You need to be on your best behavior MC. To set a good example to the rest of the exchange program.

MC: *glares then bites Lucifer's arm*

Lucifer: *looks down like Excuse me*

Satan & Belphie: *snickering*

Belphie: I guess they do bite? Who knew?

Asmo: *looks over* That's kind of kinky. You know MC u can always bite me, and we can do more than just that if your down for it.*practical purrs that out* The invitation is always available and only just for you *smirks & winks*

Lucifer: *glares* you have to the count of 3 MC to get off my arm or else the punishment will be severe. I do not care if you're a human. Get OFF NOW!!

Mammon & Levi: *attempting to pull MC off Lucifer's arm*

MC: *bites down harder out of spite*

Mammon: You don't wanna piss him off MC! Now is not a good time to do that!

Levi: It would be wise to stop biting him MC! You don't wanna be strung up from the banister!

Satan: *is filming the whole ordeal*

Beel: if u want MC u can have one of my lollipops? Instead of biting Lucifer. *hands over an extra giant spiral lollipop he had been saving*

MC: *reluctantly let's go, and takes the lollipop* FINE! I'll stop. for now... Thanks Beel! I appreciate you sharing this with me! *smiles at him then starts to eat it, while grumbling* He shouldn't have told me what to do, fucking bitch.

Lucifer: *glaring*

The other 6 brothers: *trying not to laugh*

341 notes • Posted 2021-07-10 04:10:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[certifiedceraunophile]

Just came up with the most INSANELY amazing plot bunny I have ever had the honor of harbouring in my glitter graveyard...........like it’s SO GOOD YÁLL I’M GONNA CRY

and it’s for my wife @bellemorte180 and jfc this is the most fun I’ve ever had plot bunnying, Erica and I have decided to keep mum on the details but basically it all started with me desperately wanting Caroline to commit mass and I mean massively MASS genocide against humanity and enlist the originals help for the same and I just didnt know how to do that though.....like what could possibly be the reason and so I started working backwards from genocide went to a lot of disturbing places along the way but finally ended w Caroline as an xyz Earth Goddess (not yet sure on the mythology) who’s been slumbering for the past 3-4 millenniums and has now woken up to the utter shitshow that is humanity and our world-wide war against Mother Nature, and Caroline is pissed at how humans have essentially destroyed large chunks of her planet irrevocably and are continuing to do the same to the rest, so she starts a series of plagues that basically makes human’s drop dead like flies all over the world, I’m not gonna say more bc that will give away too much but Klaus falls for Caroline w/o knowing she’s the earth goddess who’s doing all of this and the feral shit that he is, after learning that Caroline is actually the earth goddess he’s a tiny bit cautious of an unbeatable being, a little bit amused that she’s committing mass genocide in the most organized colour coded binder with laminated flash cards way possible, a LOT horny at the absolute livid divinity of her and just largely still nicely whipped and smitten for her bc seriously tho why wouldnt he be I mean he doesnt bloody care for humanity as long as all the art and music and culture is preserved which obviously Caroline does, she’s not an uncultured plebe tyvm and is very happy going on murder sprees with his favourite goddess as humans die right left and centre. 

like yes yes its a bit depraved but erica enjoys it and its a gift for her and I always have loved a healthy dose of massacres and mass murdering in the content I consume so no really we are not taking criticism 

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE PART I’M MOST EXCITED FOR AND OH MY GOD I CANT REVEAL WHAT PART I AM ACTUALLY EXCITED FOR BECAUSE IT’S LITERALLY EVERYTHING GOOD AND tiny AND BRIGHT IN THIS WRLD

And jfc I can’t stop Dreaming about this and plotting it in my head and just RUNNING around with it, and oh god Erica loves it so much (w good reason) and I am just giddy with how insane this idea is and just how much I love it for it

asdfghjkl I’m smiling so wide and literally buzzing with excitement fr it it’s making me lose sleep like please I need this in my life this instant.

But really though the BEST fandom experience ever according to me is plot bunnying w your friends shooting ideas back and forth and just *ded-ing* every two seconds over how absolutely MAGNIFICENT the ideas are

I got to sound board Erica’s newest upcoming work The Machiavellian the past two weeks or so (Erica noticed that I spelt it right just for you) and DUDE IT’S LITERALLY THE BEST FANFIC IDEA I HAVE HEARD IN AGES like oh my god *bites fist* IT’S SO FUCKING AMAZING like Erica’s brain is a WONDER and I am in awe bc it’s literally EVERYTHING YOU WOULD EVER WANT IN A CRIME THRILLER AU

Like this is the kind of fic that would be made into a movie that all top actors  in the industry would FIGHT for a chance to act in...........like No seriously and sincerely tho it’s so good and intricate and nuanced and just ties up together so perfectly and just SO SMART like it is so fucking SMART I have an intellectual boner for my wife, LIKE DUDE THE DETAILS  The DETAILS are fucking ELEGANT and Erica’s gonna be such a teasing lil shit in this one, teasing and riling up the readers with clues and hints that only serve to make you HUNGER for the truth just like in wanderlust, like dude she is gonna be MEAN stingy with the deets until the grand reveal and OH MY GOD THE GRAND REVEAL IS GONNA BREAK US ALL Like I legit see everyone going WTF I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING AT ALL BUT THANK YOU FOR BITCH SLAPPING ME WITH IT ANYWAYS

And also also oh my god the slow burn 🥺💀💀THE SLOW BURN WE ARE GONNA LIVE AND DIE IN JFC My soul will not survive Caroline and Klaus being super Badass private underground agents (of a sort) on a damn MISSION the slowest barest of lingering touches the heart to hearts the constant teetering and dangling on the precipice of something so unimaginably new great and EPIC....the REPRESSION THE PINING THE SLOW FUCKING BURN  jfc I might combust if someone does not throw a bucket of water at me Like dude I’ve read the outline there’s like no way I’m gonna survive this heart stirringly beautiful slow exploration between them.

Like this idea is so good it has not left my mind in DAYS and I am DROWNING in it and Erica has done such a fine job outlining it and reading through the outline yelling at her every time she blows my brain into a hundred buzzing pieces I can only say the plot is so GORGEOUSLY intricate and complex and nuanced and just LAYERED and honestly if anybody can pull off such a complex plot it’s Erica and I JUST CANT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT FOR THIS BABY LIKE OH MY GOD  LISTENING TO YOUR FAV AUTHORS COMING UP WITH YET ANOTHER UNRELENTINGLY BRILLIANT IDEA IS AN *EXPERIENCE* AND I AM HONOURED TO HAVE BEEN A PART OF IT.

And now plot bunnying again for my own idea with her has AGAIN given me something I am seriously seriously EXCITED enough to sincerely work on for the first time in AGES and I am fucking HIGH w it like please sir this idea is gonna suffocate me with the feels

eenyways yeah so that’s what I’m internaly screaming about instead of studying bc I’m just so giddily excited for both the ideas I had to come leave an unedited chaotic word vomit here and like seriously tho I’m bouncing in my seat this is gonna kill me slowly and perfectly I just know it like I just do and I am HERE FOR IT.

[oblivion1990]

Living with hyper mobility syndrome within Ehlers danlos spectrum.

Warning, rant coming.

WTF am I suppose to do about a hopeless situation. I have done everything I can to cope with my illness. And I´m not talking about the mental health bit because that is not the core issue. 

I have been diagnosed with eHEDS, or the hypermobility type of Ehlers- danlos syndrome. I got my diagnose september 25 2020 after struggling my whole life with things that seems so easy for other people. 

For people who ask, I describe; Imagine a full grown human having 10 beans in a jar. Those beans are energy you have to take from during your whole day. Some days you may just use 8 of those beans. And can use up the rest the day after. 

One bean represent a certain amount of energy for ex, getting out of bed and eating you breakfast. Two more of those beans and you getting ready for your day at work and getting to your actual workplace. The energy of getting in your car and drivning through busy traffic and stressed people. One more bean maybe required if you choose to walk there, or take the bike. 

Continuing. All this is now 3 beans of energy. Getting through a whole day of full time work, you may need 3-4 more beans, depending on what you are doing. (Office or more physical). When your day is done you have “consumed” 6 of those beans. 

Going home from work, again driving or walking/bike, you come home cooking dinner and enjoy social time with your family may take 2 more beans of your energy. After a “normal” day you may have 1 or two beans left to use the coming day after a good nights sleep. Where your 10 beans charge over night. 

_________

Now, instead of having 10 beans in the jar like a “normal” adult, you have only 5 beans of energy to begin with. No they are not bigger och charged with 10 beans of capacity. They are only loaded with the same amount of energy BUT they have to last as long as the normal 10 beans. 

Impossible?! 

Yeah and this is the life of a human with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome with/or hyper mobility syndrome. The constant fatigue that stopping us from feeling normal. Add some joint pain on that and you have to use more beans (energy) to get through your day.

At the same time we are expected to do the same amount of work like a 10- bean person because we don´t look sick. Well, we cant “see” cancer until the human are actually dying or going through chemo therapy. 

So why should we be treated differently? Apparently our sickness does not count. No, we´re not gonna die from it but it is still a constant battle that is impossible for healthy people to understand. 

I have dreams, I went to university for 6 years. I have a masters degree in archaeology and I will probably never be able to work full time digging or even sitting down doing desk work (fulltime) even if I wanted to. I only have 5 beans of energy to take from so maybe with pauses and no stress from the outside dealing with to much people, I may be able to work 6 h a day. But that is all I can do without having a social life, or doing normal things like, working out. 

Basically, the day I a workout I (2-3 times a week because it is necessary for my body) can´t really do anything else, if I do that I crash the next day and I´ll have to sleep and rest. I am unemployed because of the pandemic and I cant take any job. I have tried many times but I feel terrible and all I do is sleep on my days off.

Fun life?! No....and to be realistic, no company will probably ever want to hire me because I don´t have the full capacity to work a normal 8 h day. Be alert, have brilliant ideas and keep a lot of things in the air at the same time while being nice.

Right now I´m waiting on my contact at the employment agency to find a job that suits me. It will most likely not be within the archaeology field at all. It´s hard enough to do without any illness.

My big dream is actually to work as a forensic artist and/or create facial reconstructions within the history/anthropology field. I have an account on IG where I´ve done some sculpting work but it is only a hobby at this point. 

https://www.instagram.com/creativerecon90/

I really wish I could make a career of it since I have a shit ton of debs from my studies. 

I live in Sweden and there is so much the doctors don´t know about Ehlers- Danlos Syndrome. Most of them have never heard of it at all. I end up telling them all the facts. And also, every person is different. For me it´s the constant fatigue and brain fog.

Also, even if I wanted I can´t put all of this in my CV. Well I could but it would probably ruin any chance of getting work. 

I just want to live a decent life and be happy. Everyone with this illness want to be heard and we need a change in how people treat us. 

We do all we can but to no avail

Feel free to share this post because I want to raise awareness to this invisible illness and I want to follow my dreams despite what I have to deal with.

[bxthharmon]

Never Go Home Again, Pt. XII || JJ Maybank x Reader

Words: 3130

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: Guns / blood and violence

Series Summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy.  teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: Chaos catches up, causing trouble for everyone involved

A/N: sorry for the slow updates, but with the event (tysm btw ily) i’ve been busy. i have a few more requests, and i promise im getting to them. anyway! feels weird, only 2 or 3 parts left. tysm for all this support <3

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

JJ woke up before you. His face felt stiff from the tears he’d shed the night before, and the corners of his eyes were filled with sleep. He rubbed his eyes, phosphenes decorating his mind as he pulled them open. The window was wide open, curtains fluttering in the light breeze and the sun decorating the room with a natural glow. He became aware of the towel thrown over the dresser and the wet clothes hanging in the window sill, the memories of last night returning. He looked down at you.

You were curled up, one of his tops and a pair of his joggers covering your body as you gripped his arm lightly in your sleep. He blinked, admiring the lock of hair falling over your face, the curve of your lashes and the relaxed smile that adorned your sleeping frame. He brushed the hair out of your face and let it fall. He realised that he was in deep. Somewhere across the room, the ping of a phone notification pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up, seeing the bluish light coming from the floor on the other side of the room. He slid his arm from your hold, careful not to wake you as you unconsciously pulled the pillow into your grip instead. He rose from the bed, careful not to let the bed creak as he left you. He padded across the room, picking up the phone from the wooden floorboards.

The phone awoke as he lifted it, a series of fresh messages lining up under the time. 

Tyler: hey

Tyler: ik i fucked up with us, but i cant stop thinking abt seeing u when u visited

Tyler: can we try again?

Tyler: ik u said u were seeing someone and dont wanna fuck it up, but i still love u

Tyler: let me know. I miss u

He almost choked, heart beating in his ears as he looked back to your sleeping frame, rising and falling with oblivious breaths. He looked back at the phone, placing it on the dresser softly. He left the room, clicking the door shut as softly as he could, and making his way to the kitchen. He rinsed a mug and put the kettle on, rummaging through the cupboards for the instant coffee granules. He pulled the silver pot from the shelf, peeling the cap off and tapping it on the side of the mug so the granules tumbled in, the dark brown contrasting the light ceramic. He poured the contents of the boiling kettle in, watching the hot water consume the granules and turn brown. He stirred and sipped, hissing as it burnt his tongue. He never had the patience to wait for it to cool down.

He studied the cupboards again, finding no edible food, not trusting the bread after his previous experience. He sipped the coffee again, allowing himself to look back at the closed bedroom door. He wanted to know what happened when you went back, but knew he wouldn’t like the answer. After last night, he knew Tyler was an asshole, and wanted more than anything to fly to California and punch him in the face, but couldn’t understand the text. Thoughts were flashing through his head, ideas rushing to his head. He wondered if he should ask, or leave it and wait for you to tell him. He knew you had no obligation to him, but he also knew that you two had something going on. Whatever that something was. He sighed. 

He thought about how he felt when he saw you smile, how much he’d spiralled after your argument, how vulnerable he was around you. It hit him suddenly, an epiphany that took all his air away but made him feel alive, made him feel broken and brilliant all in one moment. He loved you.

Down the hall, on the other side of the door, he heard the bed creak. There was a pause, and then he heard the floorboards moan. Another minute, and he heard the ping of your phone notification. There was another pause, then the door opened and you stood in front of him, hair tousled by sleep and eyes fresh. You smiled at him, reaching out and pulling him in, kissing his temple and stepping away to make your own coffee. His heart pulled, not letting him push you away and reaching out as you left his arms, but not wanting it because of those stupid texts. In that moment, he fights his impulse and decides to wait for you to tell him. Would you tell him?

He draws his attention to you, hopping back onto the counter next to you. He watched you, enamored with the way you moved, the way you brush against him, the way you seem so carefree in the moment. He wants to kiss you, but he knows he won’t until he knows what’s going on. 

Faster than he wants to admit, you’ve finished your coffees and Kie and Pope are awake, moving about after leaving their slumber on the pullout couch, and then setting up the pulley for the well. Your mood changes when they’re up. You’re more talkative, brushing over any mention of the night before, helping when you can. You look back at him a couple of times, and each time his heart flutters.

You can feel blisters working on your skin as you help Pope with the winch, the rope burning at your skin in the force of the friction, but you don’t pay it any mind. You finish with the mechanism, stepping away and sitting down next to JJ, passing some witty banter with Kie, and opening a bottle of beer, the cool glass soothing the hot skin on your palms.

“What does it feel like?” Pope asked, watching Kie as she sat in the can hanging from the pulley.

“Feels good.” she confirms, pulling the rope slightly.

“John B’s pulling a Houdini.” JJ stated, putting his own beer down.

“Yeah, where is he?” you asked.

“I got my scholarship interview in the morning.” Pope reminded, “We gotta get this done.”

“Speak of the devil!” JJ grinned as John B strode past you all without so much as a ‘hello’. “Hey! Dude, I put up the entire winch to pull up the gold and everything.”

“No he did not.” You laughed.

“We did that.” Pope said, gesturing between you.

John B ignored you, and Kie called after him as he entered the Chateau. “Okay, that’s it?” you muttered.

“What’s that all about?” Pope asked, walking to you and JJ.

“I was gonna ask you the same question.” JJ said, you and him getting off the hot tub and following him into the Chateau. When you entered, John B was pulling the house apart, searching.

“You alright, man?” Pope asked, “What’s up?”

“What are you looking for?” Kie added.

“Bro, what’s going on, man?” JJ asked, following him as he pulled the gun from under the cushioning on the sofa.

“John B, what do you need the gun for?” You and JJ stepped forwards, both reaching to take the weapon. John B grabbed your shoulders, pushing you over and shoving past JJ as you all yelled for him to chill and talk to you. Pope tried to block his exit.

“What are you, JJ, now?” Pope asked as you and Kie yelled for him to calm down. John B pushed Pope back into the table as you followed him out, asking for him to explain, or calm down. You ran down the steps, the others close behind. He mounted the dirt bike, looking back at the four of you.

“John B, what the hell?” Kie yelled.

“Ward knows about the gold.” John B spoke for the first time. “He killed my dad.”

You ran as far as the dirt track, watching the bike disappear as JJ swore.

--

“What now, we just go up to the front door and ask, ‘Hey, have you seen John B’?”

The night felt dark, cold, and your boat felt fragile next to the stupidly big boat across the pontoon from you. The shape of the Cameron house was huge and adorned with golden windows on the other side of the lawn.

“Look, he lives in Tannyhill now, it’s plausible.” Kie reasoned, but you could tell she was just grabbing at loose ends. “We can play dumb.”

“Play dumb?” you frowned.

“It’s pretty late.” Pope added.

“Look, I’ve never seen John B like that. We should honestly be going to the cops.” Kie countered.

“The cops? And say what, Kie?” you almost laughed, “‘We’re worried about our friend because he’s going off on a rampage because Ward Cameron killed Big John’? They’re not gonna believe us!”

“Hey, I see Ward.” Pope interrupted you, binoculars up as he watched the house. Kie took the binoculars, checking for herself. “Doesn’t look dead to me, let’s go home.”

“What?” Kie turned, shocked and offended.

“Uh, okay. Obviously Mr Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn’t now, okay? Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours.”

“Yeah, well our friend is in trouble.”

“I’m in trouble! Guys, I haven’t been home in three days! My dad’s probably put all my shit on the street by now.”

“Okay, so that’s it? In a time of need you’re just gonna bail? You’re just gonna walk away?”

“Okay, yo, guys.” You spoke from the other side of the boat, “Can we not do this right now?”

“Hey, I have a scholarship interview in the morning.” Pope reminded Kie.

“Okay, well what about John B?” Kie asked.

“Why is it always about John B?” Pope questioned, and you sighed, looking away as Kie looked around, caught off guard.

“It’s not always about John B. You’re so stupid! It would be any of you in this situation.”

“Bullshit!”

“Guys.” JJ tried to stop them.

“This is about friendship!” Kie powered on.

“Bring it down.” said JJ.

“This is about pogues for life!”

“What about forensic pathology, huh?” countered Pope.

“Forensic pathology?” Kie scoffed.

“It’s my life! It’s everything I’ve worked for!”

“That’s your priority?”

“Would you stop with the moral high ground bullshit?”

“Pope, come on.” you cut in.

“No.” he rejected, “No, no. She has no room to talk.” You looked down, knowing you didn’t either. “Where were you when Big John went missing? You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B. You weren’t there for any of us! Remember your kook year?”

“Dude.” JJ tried, again, to stop the argument.

“Yeah, you forgot about us. Now you feel guilty.”

“Give me a break.” She pushed him, and he staggered but held his ground, you and JJ were up within seconds. “Is that what you need? You need a break? Move!”

You and JJ pulled them away from each other, shouting for them to stop, to cut it out. You held Kie’s shoulders, the both of you breathing heavily. She stared straight ahead, holding eye contact with Pope as JJ looked between them.

“If I’m the one mediating, we’ve hit rock bottom.” JJ sighed. You dropped your hands from Kie’s shoulders. She sat down as you sent Pope to the bow of the ship, sitting down as well.

“Pope, we’ll drop you off.” You said, JJ steering the boat. 

--

You sat, facing away from the group, water washing around your ankles, arms propped up on the wood as you stared at your phone. You were aware of the conversation - the gold was gone - but you weren’t really listening, or paying attention. Your mind was plagued with worries that felt trivial compared with what was going on, but still felt like the world would implode if you didn’t sort them.

Tyler was rejecting your refusals, insisting you humour him. You turned around briefly to look at JJ, who was watching you. You wondered if he had worked out that you’d slept with Tyler, even though you hadn’t mentioned it. But, of course, you hadn’t mentioned it - he couldn’t know.

You broke from your thoughts as Pope came blundering down the path. “Guys!” he halted when he reached you, and you picked your legs up, swinging around to face the group. “Oh, God, I ran all the way here.”

“How was the interview?” you asked.

“Don’t ask.”

“Promising.”

“JB, look, I’m sorry dude. About everything.”

“It’s fine.” John B disregarded.

“But - but I don’t have a lot of time, and I have information that is tactically relevant. So, before I had my interview, my dad said he was going down to the private airstrip to cut palms for Cameron’s big plane. Because it was too heavy, it needed a longer landing strip to take off. So, I’m there sitting in my interview, thinking to myself, ‘Hm, why would Cameron need a longer airstrip to take off? What could be so heavy to weigh it down?’”

“Gold.” JJ turned.

“That’s right.” John B confirmed.

“Exactly! Guys, this is our chance, but it leaves tonight, and we have to go.”

“We can’t give up now.” Kie smiled, jumping down from where she was balanced.

“What’s the plan, big man?” JJ asked.

“We’re gonna steal that shit back.” John B stated.

You smiled, this was going to be a shit show.

--

“We go in there, guns-a-blazin’, make Ward Cameron beg for mercy, abscond with as much gold as possible, and vámanos, get the hell out of there.” JJ summed up.

“Send that shit right down the intracoastal.” John B added.

“Wait for the weather.” Kie reminded.

“Exit to Cuba.” Pope finalised.

“Cuba?” JJ sounded offended at the idea, “No, man, Xcalak, the jewel of the Yucatan. Lobsters so thick, mangoes, no word for money.”

“I like the sound of that,” you hummed, sitting up from where you lay across the back seats, “Let’s do this shit.”

The VW rattled on for a few hundred feet, John B curving into a break in the thicket, the lot of you leaping out of the car to a wire fence.

“What’s the plan?” Kie asked. “Broad strokes.”

“I don’t think we got that far.” John B admitted, Pope pulled out his binoculars.

“They’re loading up the gold.” Pope pointed out. 

John B took the binoculars, watching the scene before him. You were all pressed up to the wire fence, and you could see a car rolling up to the plane. You watched the figures exit, faintly recognisable without the binoculars. John B lowered the black instrument, Kie asking him what was going on.

“It’s Sarah.” 

You looked back at the plane. They played out like a scene in a play, little figurines moving around, until Sarah was being dragged onto the plane by the shape that must have been her father. John B disappeared from your side as the engine began to whir, loud enough to be audible from your spot behind the fence. Behind you, a car door slammed, and you shouted for your friend as he started the engine, forcing all of you to step back as he smashed through the gate, JJ’s “Don’t be a hero!” resounding in the air.

Still shouting, the four of you ran through the gap as he accelerated towards the moving plane, your shouts fracturing the air. Upon the realisation that whatever stupid, reckless thing John B was doing couldn’t be stopped, you waited in baited breath. You watched the van swerve in the plane’s path, the screech of the brakes reaching your ears. You heard and watched the second squeal as the plane halted, barely feet away from the pogue.

Somewhere in the distance, you heard the sirens.

“Guys, I can’t get arrested.” Pope spoke, breaking the shocked silence you had been standing in.

“I’m on probation.” JJ added. 

“We’re no good if we’re all in jail.” Kie confirmed, and you turned to the three of them.

“You serious?” you almost laughed.

“Y/N,” JJ started.

“Go, if you have to.” You nodded, “I’ll step in if he needs me, God knows what’ll happen.”

Kie and Pope nodded,setting off, but JJ stood. “You can’t-”

“JJ, you said yourself - you’re on probation. But they don’t know I’m here, I’ll be fine.” You smiled, stronger than you felt, “Go.”

He followed your friends, and you stepped back into the trees, the sick feeling in your stomach foreboding a turn of events. The blue and white police car was racing down the runway, and you could almost feel the panic in your friends.

You saw the Sheriff get out, and the exchange that led to Ward’s arrest. You watched her get him on the floor, gun pointed at his face, you heard a bang.

The scene froze for a second, but suddenly time sped up, the Sheriff collapsed, and there was another figure. The gun was pointed at John B. You felt yourself move forwards, but the figures were moving - Sarah’s crumpling onto the floor, Ward standing, John B’s moving to help Sheriff Peterkin. You watched Ward and the new figure. Fuck it.

“John B!” you screamed, and he looked up. He was sprinting towards you as the three Cameron’s started fighting. You jogged, the pair of you breaking into a sprint as you got to the woods, fighting your way through the thicket as more sirens joined the melee. Shots were fired, but they sounded numb to your racing mind. He was slightly ahead of you, faded hoodie flashing as you both ran flat out. Before you registered the road, the horn was honking and John B was rolling over the bonnet of a car. You grabbed his shoulders, pulling him up, the pair of you running as the driver shouted for you.

You needed to find the others.

You ran for a while, slowing to a walk as you discussed where the others would be. The junkyard, you thought.

After five minutes, you stopped, forcing him to prove to you that the blood on his arms was only Peterkin’s, and that he wasn’t injured.

Somewhere above you, there was a plane. 

You were walking slowly now, approaching the junkyard. You felt numb, knowing that everything was completely different now. You turned the corner, seeing the three other pogues gathered, Pope taking a hit from JJ’s juul. Weird.

They ran to you, seeing the blood in John B’s hands and your shirt (from your attempts to check his injuries) and immediately began to panic, giving you once overs.

“Who’s blood is that?”

You all ducked behind the clutter to avoid the approaching sirens, allowing yourself a moment to breathe. You glanced at the blonde boy next to you, but as you went to speak, he turned away harshly. What the fuck?

Tags: @tangledinsparkles​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lolitstiana​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @teamnick​ @thoughtsofthestars​ @obxmxybxnk​ @jjmaybankswife​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @sxcretinhuman​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @angvelics​ @badwolf00593​ @coloradogirl07​ @mendesmaybank​ @jiaraendgame​ @5am-cigarette​ @emerald-xcd​ @haharudy​

[calpops]

sweet meetings | m.c.

Anonymous: eve!!! i can't stop thinking about baker!michael it is SO soft my heart!! imagine you work at cal and ash's record store, mainly on the weekends but sometimes during the week, bc you're studying, and at first you go into the bakery for a coffee and a quick bite to eat before shifts but when you notice how cosy it is you think it might be a great place to study, not to mention there's a really cute guy working there, n mike of course takes notice of you, at first u share simple pleasantries but the more u come in the faster it evolves into easy banter, soft laughter and shared smiles, he knows how u take ur coffee and why u prefer the blueberry muffins over the apple cinnamon and when you start coming to study, bag overflowing w books and a battered laptop, mike can’t help but watch u in the quiet moments, eyes focused on ur work n fingers carefully pulling off pieces of ur muffin and one day he works up the nerve to sit w you on his break, coming over w a nervous smile but you’re so happy n surprised, unsure if he saw anything more than a regular who he got on well with!! now it seems all the soft smiles n lingering gazes n times ur fingers brushed when he handed you ur food before work have evolved into something more!! so this becomes a regular occurrence for the two of u and wow i don’t know this could go on forever because i am so so so soft for michael look what u have done to me eve!!!!! i cant even be mad cuz ily

I went a little overboard with this and added some concepts. Hope that’s okay!

Word count: 2k

***

You often find yourself in a rush. Never having enough time between working at a record shop, doing classes online and living the rest of your life to stop and enjoy moments for what they’re really worth. Rushing is a habit for you; second nature and easy. You realize it’s too easy, that time slips past you and hurtles on whether you’re aware of it or not. Your life is a whirlwind and you’re determined to enjoy the breeze once and a while. With this realization and determination you stop. Stop running from place to place and take your time. Take time for yourself. It’s a mild morning when you slowly stroll up to the bakery across from the record shop. Your boss Ashton always raves about the iced coffee and Calum has found more than just the treats to be sweet. It’s calm inside, the morning rush over—a sweet spot of time in between morning coffee needs and lunchtime cravings. It’s quaint and quiet and a complete contrast to the way you usually live your life.

There’s no line when you walk in. Desserts and pastries of all kinds sit behind glass and a handwritten menu board dominates the wall above. It’s written in white chalk with special menu items erased and rewritten likely by the day. Everything looks delectable and you’re glad to have taken some time to come inside. A swinging door to the back—probably leading to the kitchen—opens as the front door behind you shuts. A man around your age comes through, his blonde hair tucked under a black cap and the black apron around his waist dusted with patches of white flour. The name tag on his apron says Michael, well, the el is smudged with some ingredient that obscures part of the letters but you surmise Michael must be what’s hidden underneath. You haven’t made up your mind by the time he asks for your order and you’re slightly taken aback at his soft voice and meeting his gentle green eyes.

You stumble over your words a bit when usually you’d be in a hurry to get them out. You finally decide. “A blueberry muffin, please.”

You see a tilt of a smile as he looks down to the baked goods below and comes back with your order; wraps it in a thin sheet of paper and asks if it’s for here or to go. You notice the tables by the windows, each one with a vase of flowers and natural sunlight. Some have chairs with comfortable cushions and the others have booth seats that seem inviting. The bag on your shoulder is heavy; filled with your academics. The tables seem a nice place to study. In your determination to enjoy the breeze you choose to stay. You tell him it’s for here and pay and try not to think about the brush of your fingers against his when he hands the muffin over.

You find a home at a booth, bag resting on the seat beside you as you take a moment to savor the burst of blueberry and sugar on the top of your tongue. You decide in that moment that slowing down and taking your time is worth every second spent. You face toward the counter and kitchen door, opting to face away from the street where a busy city lurks beyond. A sense of calm clings to you as you finish the baked good and decide to stay a while longer—wanting to try the iced coffee Ashton raves about and settle in to pace yourself on work stacked in your bag. You find solace in the quiet yet a nervous energy settles and sparks in you any time Michael makes his way out of the kitchen as a few customers come and go. By the time you’re ready to leave you catch eyes with him one more time and he waves, a small smile giving you a goodbye and a reason to come back the next day.

And so the bakery becomes a new habit—the best way to break one is to replace it with another. Rushing melts away and the bakery becomes a beacon of downtime. Michael becomes a person you look forward to seeing. In a sense he becomes routine. Just as easy as rushing. You always exchange glances when he peeks out from the kitchen to inspect the run of the bakery. He usually blushes when you catch gazes, cheeks going rosy and a timid smile capturing his features. You see the smile in his eyes, green glinting and glimmering with a bashfulness that endears and intrigues you. There’s a lot you wish to know about Michael.

He knows enough about you through your interactions. How you take your coffee, that you prefer hot chocolate to it but need the caffeine to keep you going. Why blueberry anything is the superior choice. He’s even asked about your work and classes, about the books you seem to carry with you all the time. He’s eyes are observant and his mind has flawlessly put together small pieces of you. Weeks pass in a hazy blur as you learn to slow down and spend more and more time at the bakery. Breaks from work lead you there. Mornings before and nights after usually have you stopping in.

There’s an air of mystery and elusiveness that follows the baker. What you know is minimal and trivial, even as the weeks pass and more than simple hello’s and please and thank you’s become exchanged. He seems guarded and you have no reason as to why that might be so. But you find yourself coming back consistently. Now a regular that walks in and is recognized by any and all staff. You sit in your usual booth and after catching gazes with Michael multiple times you wonder if the stirring of feelings that have made way into you are completely one sided. Maybe all he sees in you is a customer. Maybe it is purely business for him. Maybe slowing down has put a hazy sheen on reality when you’re so used to fast paces.

Your pencil taps along a text book page as your thoughts consume you, eyes glued to the menu board and teeth sunken into your lower lip. It isn’t until a small voice from below breaks through your reverie that you find familiar eyes. Gentle green stares up at you behind a mess of blond hair. A boy not but three or four reaches up, a small muffin in his clutches. It takes a moment for you to realize he’s offering the baked good to you. As soon as you reach for it Michael is bursting through the kitchen door and racing over to the child, scooping him up and trying his best to apologize and inform you that wasn’t supposed to be for a customer, just practice for his son.

In one snap moment all the haze clears but new questions take hold of your mind. You realize why he’s so guarded but have to question if there’s a reason he never told you. You realize it doesn’t matter for the moment. Not when a child’s innocent eyes are pinned on you; awaiting a reaction to the muffin still in your loose grip. You know Michael said it’s not meant for you but the look in his son’s eyes clearly says that it is. You take a small bite and grin, compliment the good work and hear Michael sigh in relief as he sets his son back down.

“Blueberry’s your favorite right? That’s what dad says.”

You nod and feel a rush of warmth at the question and the fact that Michael has spoken of you in any capacity to his son.

“Riley, bud—why don’t you go behind the counter. There’s some cookies you can have,” Michael suggests with a blush that also suggests his embarrassment at the situation. Riley takes off and Michael calls after him. “Only two!”

Michael turns back to you with anxiety written clearly across his face. His hands wring at each other and his eyes flicker to the booth seat opposite you. You motion for him to sit; curious what he might say.

“I’m sorry about all of that; he’s usually pretty good at sticking with me. He’s just a little excited today,” Michael explains and you arch an eyebrow.

You close your textbook, the prospect of studying blown out the window in a new whirlwind created by a four year old. You can feel your heart beating fast and hard in your chest. You never expected Michael to have a kid.

Michael goes on to explain and settle the nerves that seem to have exploded through you. “I usually only get him on the weekends and in summer. But his mom’s on her honeymoon and I get him for a whole week. He loves the bakery; getting to come with me every day has gotten him a bit unruly. All the sugar...” Michael says with a pointed look at the counter where another worker stands while Riley sits and eats his allotted two cookies.

Michael keeps explaining and it’s as if whatever guards he had up come crashing down. He tells you all about Riley and co-parenting. That he and the bakery take up most of his time and you realize that maybe he was living in a rush and whirlwind too. And by the way his eyes stay on yours and hands fidget on the tabletop you wonder if he doesn’t just see you as a customer and that’s why he stayed guarded for so long. To protect his whirlwind and everything within it; mostly Riley. You understand his reason as he comes barreling back to Michael, coloring books and a pack of crayons in hand.

“Can I color here?” He asks and climbs up into the booth and clears Michael’s lap to settle by the wall before an answer can be formed.

You grin and try your best to bite back a laugh as Michael tries to reason with him and tell him he shouldn’t disturb anyone. Riley merely blinks and looks to you to see if it’s okay. You nod your approval and enjoy your time with Michael and Riley. You’re in no rush to leave; wanting to use any time with them to the fullest.

A new routine forms throughout the week. It’s much of the same but with company. You sit in your usual booth and Riley sits opposite you. Textbooks and coloring books, graphite pencils and crayons spilled among the shared table. Michael often checks on Riley. And from that he ends up spending time with you. Everyday you learn more about them. Everyday your whirlwinds become more and more intertwined. Riley sometimes draws you pictures, the one of Michael with hands three times the size of his head and two left feet being your favorite. Riley mirrors Michael in a lot of ways you come to realize; the same laugh and sincerity in green eyes.

By the end of the week you realize Riley won’t be there come Monday and know that you’ll miss his company and the excuse for Michael to constantly check in. It’s just as you’re about to leave that Michael stops you, a sheepish expression and rosy cheeks, nervous hands and Riley by his side.

“We uh—“ Michael starts, clearly anxious. “We wanted to know if you’d like to go to dinner with us tonight?”

Your stomach flutters and heart races at the invitation. But Michael’s continuing on before you can say yes.

“And lunch, with me… tomorrow?”

You break out into a grin and nod enthusiastically; ever grateful for sweet meetings with blueberry muffins and time taken to enjoy the breeze. 

You can already feel Michael’s whirlwind sweeping you off your feet.

***

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Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This work is not allowed to be posted by anyone else on any platform in any format (translations included).

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[airiustide]

forever young. forever you.

Chapter 5: Hesitancy

Summary: The gaang is all together now but sadly Iroh has not made it yet. Zuko uses this opportunity to make up for lost times but things do not go as planned when Sokka makes a taboo suggestion and the others agree, including Aang.

Katara's upset about Zuko claiming he had nothing to lose, but for how long when he always manages to tug at her heartstrings?

A/N: Sorry for the slow update but just to reassure everyone, this will get completed, with only two more chapters to go. It makes me happy to know that you all have loyally been following this story. I will not disappoint you. It's taken some time but here is chapter 5! I'll warn you, the feels only get deeper in this chapter, so prepare your hearts.

also posted on: AO3

***

" I tend to lose my sense of time and come the morning. Stayed aside. I know it's much too soon to tell you that I need you by my side. But who are we to call each other selfish lovers? We all need someone." - Hold by Dabin and Daniela Andrade.

***

Zuko stares incredulously at the burnt fish thrown in front of him on a silver plate. His brow bunches, looking at an angry Katara wiping her hands clean on the front of her robe and taking off to retrieve her meal which was perfectly cooked and neatly arranged for a nice dinner.

He looks at her, then back at his obliterated dinner, then back at her. She didn’t bother making rice for two so he was left with a fish that looked as though it were suffering severely, even in the afterlife. And Katara happens to be that mad, so Zuko doesn’t doubt she’s capable of making that happen.

“Is there, uh, tea?”

‘Yes, there’s tea bags in the kitchen cabinet and a nice kettle, feel free to make as much as you’d like.”

“Oh.” He’s in the doghouse. He’s definitely in the doghouse. “Would you like some?”

“Nope. I’m good.” Katara lifts the cup of tea she personally made for herself to her lips and takes a long sip. She had been short since the raid ended. Piandao had offered his residence to the couple to rest on their two week journey to Caldera. Just in case, Zuko had sent out letters via messenger hawk to all the gaang telling them of his and Katara’s whereabouts.

Katara argued that it was best to wait in person to tell them but time was not on his side. He went straight to the point and thought it a best to explain once they met. It would hasten things, though Zuko felt awful for telling his friends he was dying through a letter.

The worst part was sending one to his uncle. He was not straight to the point with this one. No. Zuko apologized in every way he could think of in the letter before diving deeper into the tragedy that befell him and if he was to pass from this world before he made it home, he wanted his uncle to know how deeply sorry he was and that he loved him more than someone who supported him, he loved him as a father.

Katara told him it was very genuine but afterwards left to pack and he could hear her burst out in a fit of sobs from the other room. She only spoke when necessary but deep down this was killing her and Zuko began to falter at the idea of being together. Despite this, his qualms did not outweigh his selfishness. Many things have changed about him, but not his possessiveness, not when he finally had Katara by his side.

“You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“You are mad.”

“Why would I be mad? It’s not like I have anything to lose.”

And that strikes him through the heart like an arrow. He pokes and prods at his dinner, charred and unappetizing. It didn’t matter because Katara made it, even though it was cooked to a crisp on purpose, she took her time to provide him a meal. So reluctantly, Zuko picks through as much of the fish as he could, downing a cup of water to get through what tasted like gummy tar. He pinches his nose to deflect the smell but that doesn’t stop it from gagging his refluxes.

Katara examines him from across the table, humming in feign satisfaction as she ate. “Don’t forget the eyes.” Katara mentions, “They're good for your health.”

I fear for my health , Zuko thought, staring at the blackened pebbles that used to be eyes. But he eats that too and the rest until there’s nothing but bone, head and tail left. All he has to do at this point is keep it down.

He ate it. He actually ate it. She thinks behind her disbelief.

Katara stays quiet through the rest of dinner, coming around the table to take Zuko’s plate to clean. He offers to help and she doesn’t reply. This is a sign that she wants to be left alone.

***

The bitter loneliness blanketed his heart. Katara lied next to him in bed, softly sleeping and yet he still felt alone. He tried to apologize, wanting to assure her that he was not referring to her when he said he had nothing to lose. In fact, he didn’t mean it because he had everything to lose. For him, it’s...easier to distance himself. Distance was the place to retreat when he didn’t have the guts to face reality.

Katara deserved better, much better. That’s why this uncertainty swelling like a ball in his chest ached.

She did not accept his apology nor did she discuss it further. Albeit, she stays by his side, providing him with whatever she thought he needed even when he doesn’t ask for it. She remains close, walking with him in silence and sleeping next to him.

She felt so good, so close yet far away. Katara was more than dear to him; she was his light. She possesses more fire in her spirit than the most powerful of firebenders. A depiction of everything he wishes he could be, if only a fraction.

Zuko really needs to reevaluate, determine just what it is he should do from now on. There’s so little time, so little time to figure it all out. His life’s mission is over. Ukano is dead and the only reason Zuko wasn’t turned in and jailed is because of Piandao’s and Jee’s sympathy.

They’ll find the former governor in his secret bunker, the very one Zuko tipped off to the lotus. They’ll see the ghastly wounds from his dao swords, pierced through Ukano’s chest and stomach and Piandao will come up with a lie to protect the former Fire Lord.

Zuko thinks of Mai in that moment; wonders if she is aware of her father’s misdeeds, and if not, how it will affect her. He gave Ukano a chance to turn himself in, to get another chance at reuniting with his family once again, but the man’s pride outweighed the desire to do right by his wife and children.

That’s why Zuko killed him. Ukano was beyond saving.

Seeing the light leave his eyes was a reminder that soon the light will fade from Zuko as well. That’s why he broke down in front of Katara. He’s rejected all the fear and desperation buried inside him for so long, it was bound to resurface. Pretending that death didn’t consume every aspect of his thoughts were easier than accepting that it ate at him every single second of every single day.

Then she showed up in the dark; his light.

Zuko’s gaze lingered down at Katara, who had now scooted closer to his side; one leg thrown over his and her hand rested on his chest at the very center where his scar lied. He smiles when she unknowingly caresses it, muttering his name. He can see her eyelids flutter while closed and her features twist. He kisses her cheek, Katara exhaling a soft sigh and her face relaxes into a serene state, a small smile appearing on her lips.

“I cant promise you the world.” He whispers against her cheek. “But I can give you mine, all of mine, and I hope that- I only hope, that that is enough.”

***

Day broke. Katara wipes the sleep from her eyes and turns on her side and bolts upright when she realizes the space on the bed next to her is empty. “Zuko?” He’s not there. Since knowing Zuko’s condition, Katara could only jump to the worst of conclusions. “Zuko?” She calls again.

No answer.

She throws the blanket from her lap. Hopping out of the bed barefoot she grabs a robe that had been thrown over the nightstand and jogs out the bedroom door. Katara forgets she’s stayed in Piandao’s estate the last two days. It may have been less if not for Zuko getting exhausted on their way here on the airship; unable to concentrate while maneuvering the machine. She has no clue where she is going but she has to get to Zuko as soon as possible, just to know he’s fine.

I swear to La if anything happens to him, I’m going to kill him!

She makes a strangled sound between a sob and a laugh, rushing through the halls to the kitchen, the living area, the study, the meatery, the weapons room. She swallows down the ball lodged in her throat, becoming frantic by the minute. Her surroundings whirling into a blur.

She’ll forget being mad, she made a deal with the universe, just give her a sign.

Her feet come to a screeching halt when she spots a torn parchment on the ground wondering to the estate’s garden that expands to a view of the stretched out river behind it. There’s something written in it, Katara approaching to investigate, otherwise she might have overlooked it.

Before I leave this world ... It says.

That’s it. Katara flips the parchment over and there’s nothing. She looks around and about ten feet away from where she finds the first one, there’s another. Katara quickly picks it up.

I wish to spar swords with Sokka

A smile broke on her face. Sokka certainly wasn’t the most skilled of swordsmen- okay, he wasn’t skilled- but he would appreciate the challenge. With a little more bounce in her step, she finds another lying in the grass and picks it up as well.

I wish to give Toph the life-changing field trip she’s always wanted

She chokes a laugh.

I wish to learn Kyoshi techniques from Suki

Katara is reminded how Zuko raved about the Kyoshi warriors after they were assigned to guard him upon taking the throne.

I want Uncle to know that he didn’t fail me. That he isn’t just a relative but everything I’ve wanted in a father. I only hope that I have made him proud

This one made her tear up. Every note brought out every piece of Zuko. A part of her is selfishly happy that she’s the first to know these many things about him. Her heart flutters with excitement, collecting the notes in her arms.

Katara slows when the next one she picks up she spots Aang’s name on it. There’s this momentary dread. Aang and her falling out isn’t because of mutual understanding. Katara soon learned the difference between what she held for Aang and what love actually meant to her and before she knew it, years went by. Moving to Republic City in hopes that they could mend only proved how different they were.

She sighs, closing and opening her eyes, and reads on.

I wish for Aang to forgive me for what I will reveal next

Oh. Katara twisted her fingers at the side of her robe. Her cheeks flush and her heart hammers in her chest as she treks closer to what she now realizes is the final note.

I wish to take Katara to that field of chrysanthemums, where the sun will set beyond the edge of the world and the moon is visible in the sky before night falls, so that in that perfect moment when I look in her eyes, I can finally tell her ‘I love you’

The notes fell from her arms, the only one she holds in the palm of her hands is the one about her.

“This-” She begins.

Zuko’s standing where the cliff overlooks the river, leaning against a boulder for support. “I love you.” He confesses, a bouquet of fire lilies in his right hand. He sounds weak and is flustered but the broad smile on his face made him look more alive than he had in years.

He takes a step and Katara sobs, running into his arms. It wasn’t the sunset, the moon wasn’t in the sky and they weren’t surrounded by a field of chrysanthemums. It doesn’t matter, because this very moment when Katara says ‘I love you too’ is better than any fantasy Zuko could conjure.

“I love you.” He says aloud again, his voice in a low husk and the warmth between them flares.

Her heart jump starts in her chest. A callous hand cusped the back of her head and Katara mewled softly, allowing Zuko to pull her halfway. All train of thought swept away.

***

Katara can’t stop kissing him; his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his forehead. A laugh bubbles in her chest as Zuko’s gasps and moans at her intense affection. She can tell he likes it, his hands gripping at her sides while she straddles his lap on the bed. Zuko thinks he should bring her fire lilies and tell her he loves her everyday from now on.

“Katara.” He tries to pause to no avail, having been in bed from morning until noon making out. “We should- mmm- probably have lunch.”

“In a minute.” She chuckles, grinning wolfishly when she bites his bottom lip and tugs gently.

“Oh, okay. In a minute then.” He concedes. Agni, he goes weak for her, bunching his fingers into the back of her robe. Zuko leans up, meeting Kaara in a hard kiss and rolls his tongue into her mouth and he loves the ways she mewls.

Suddenly Zuko spasms and his body is thrown back onto the bed. His eyes roll to the back of his head.

“Zuko!” She cries, reacting quickly and calling water from a nearby pitcher to her hand. She rips open his tunic, bending the water to his chest and manages to calm the seizure. He’s had at least two since coming here, so it came as no surprise this time. “Oh, Spirits, are you okay?”

It takes a bit before he’s coherent, his fluttering eyes finally opening to see a worried Katara. He hated seeing her like this, and so decides to ease the tension of him losing himself right when they were in the middle of kissing. “Sorry, I got a little too excited.”

His weak laugh is interrupted with an ‘oof’ as a pillow collides with his face.

She’s mad, the waterbender climbing off his lap and back turned. It wasn’t the least bit funny. Though, she will admit she liked hearing his laugh again but she was shaken, still distraught that in that moment he could have been lost to her forever.

“Katara.” He whispers, the stir of regret mixing in with his sincerity and she hates herself for forgiving him so easily. Spirits, she just wanted to kiss him.

“What?” She snaps, keeping up with her false anger, huffing.

“I’m sorry. I tried to make light of a situation and- that was uncalled for. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Katara’s shoulders stiffen and her breath stills at the warmth on her back. Large hands slide around her torso, settling gently on her stomach. His mouth settles nicely at the pulse of her neck and the waterbender closes her eyes as he breathes her in. Gooseflesh rose where his lips rested, leaving an imprint that would forever stay in Katara’s mind.

Damn it all to hell, she can’t stay mad at him. At least give me that , Katara thought, but there was no winning.

“Never again.” She frowns, finally giving him her attention. The tears stung her eyes, a stray one trickling down her cheek and Zuko sweetly sweeps it away with the pad of his thumb.

“Never again.” He promises.

***

Zuko can’t believe it. They’re all the same people he knew but they weren’t. Aang, Sokka, Toph, Suki...all of them were here before him, staring at him as though he was some sort of creature crawling out from the sea. He grips the hand of his lover and the cane she had crafted for him. Zuko’s choked, unsure of what to say now that everyone he loves is finally in front of him.

Zuko notes that Sokka closes his eyes in disbelief. They can see it all; his pale skin, his thin figure, his sunken cheeks, all of him. Zuko wants to cry because this was not how he wanted to reunite with his friends. Even with that in mind he can’t get over how intensely Aang is staring at him and his hand linked with Katara’s. How can he ever explain this to him.

“How long?” Aang asks, finally looking Zuko in the eye.

Zuko swallows. “Um- I…” Where should he begin? Just because he’s dying doesn’t mean that Aang will forgive him for being with Katara.

Aang walks up to him and stops only several feet. Their heights are the same, a reminder that the Avatar isn’t the scrawny little twelve year old he once hunted.

“Aang...I can’t begin to explain- Huh?” Aang pulls Zuko into a harsh hug. The Avatar’s body is shaking uncontrollably and Zuko’s hesitant on what to do next.

“Don’t- Don’t. You. Ever ...make us worry like that again .” Aang is crying, clinging to his best friend. Zuko buries his face in Aang’s shoulder as the rest of the gaang joins them one by one. He was not expecting this, to be enveloped in the love and support of his once newfound family. He should have done this sooner, he should have given himself and them that at least.

***

“You’ve known since the beginning.” Aang concludes, shadows darkening his features. Zuko had explained everything in Piandao’s living area. Aang sat crossed legged on the floor, Sokka and Suki held hands tightly next to each other on the lounge chair and Toph was leaning with her back against the wall. “How could I have not caught on? I should have guessed what you were going through- damn it, it didn’t feel right!”

Everyone’s brow shot up, having heard for the first time Aang swear.

“It would not have changed anything.” Zuko sighs. “I was stubborn. Getting away was the only solution I could come up with. And besides, Uncle and Koji were my drive behind me leaving in the first place.”

“But maybe I could have convinced you otherwise. Maybe we could have come up with a solution together.”

“Maybe.” Zuko dismisses. They can’t focus on the what-ifs of the past. They were all here now with the exception of Iroh, a family again. In fact, Zuko is becoming more frantic on how soon his uncle will make it here, having sent Iroh his letter first.

“Look, maybe there’s a cure or something. There has to be a solution?” Sokka suggests.

“I told you, Yugoda says there’s nothing more she can do.”

“That she can do. She’s not the only famous healer, Katara what about you?”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried, Sokka?” She snaps at her brother. “Sorry. It’s just been sinking in much longer for me. It’s been hard for me.”

“Because you love him.” Suki chimed in.

Katara stiffens as though she’s on the spot and unintentionally glances at Aang who’s hanging his head but nods. “Yes. Because I love him. Besides, I’m not as skilled as Yugoda and if she doesn’t have the power or techniques to save him, what makes you think I can?”

“Well,” Sokka looks around at his friends, “because you can bloodbend.” Everyone jumps out of their seats in horror save Toph.

“Are you mad?!” Aang shouts.

“Sokka, think before you blurt out something insensitive.” Suki reprimands.

“Why not? Katara’s the best waterbending master in the world and if anyone’s capable of saving Zuko, it’s her. Look, I’m not a fan either but bloodbending has proven to be a powerful bending form and who’s to say it doesn’t have healing benefits?”

“Katara never stuck around to find out and it’s probably for the best.” Aang argued.

“Snoozles is right.” Toph retorted, finally speaking up since listening to Zuko’s story. “It could save Zuko’s life. Just because Hama used it for evil purposes doesn’t mean the form itself should be used for evil purposes.”

Wow , Katara thought when Toph spoke, no nickname. That’s when you knew the earthbender was serious.

“Thank you!”

“There’s one problem.” Katara sighs. “I don’t think I can do it. The only two times I have, was purely out of anger. I don’t know if I have the ability to heal with bloodbending as the source.”

“Well, Sokka may be onto something.” Suki settles back in her seat. “You have great concentration, Katara. You can tap into things no one else can, it’s worth a shot at saving Zuko, you have to believe that. If it were Sokka, I know I’d do everything I can even if it happens to be taboo.” The Kyoshi warrior encloses a hand over her husband’s.

“I-” Aang starts, scratching the back of his head. “I mean, if it were to save him, I don’t know how I could ever argue with that.”

“See, sugarqueen. Everyone else agrees.”

Katara ponders over this. She could try, it's the least she can do. “There’s a full moon two weeks from now but, I’m afraid there’s the off chance of this hindering Zuko’s health, so it might call for several sessions. But if Zuko trusts me- ”

Zuko taps his cane hard on the floor. “No.”

“No?” Katara questions. “You don’t trust me?”

“No. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I don’t want to spend my remaining days alive like that. I want you by my side but not as my healer. I will not pass on with the memory of you taking care of me like a sick patient and I certainly don’t want you blaming yourself if anything were to go wrong.”

“But this could be your chance. Listen to Katara. Even I agree with this.” Aang tries to reason with him.

“I appreciate it, I do. Having you all here means the world to me but I called you here for your company, not a solution. There is no solution and if bloodbending happens to be that, I refuse to put Katara through it.”

***

They dropped the conversation for Zuko. Instead they all enjoyed a quiet meal Zuko himself had made for them out in the garden. Katara is anxious the whole time because she’s been kicked out of the kitchen and told to relax with the others. Everyone compliments the meal and Zuko is proud to admit that his time living alone forced him to work on his cooking skills.

During a quiet night of conversation and warm saki, the gaang updates Zuko on how they are currently doing. Sokka and Suki of course got married and have two beautiful twin girls, now being watched by Gran Gran during their time here. Aang raves on about Republic City and describes how it was everything he and Zuko had envisioned and Zuko wishes he could have been there to see it. And Toph proudly announces her metalbending school.

There’s so much to catch up on and so little time. Zuko’s overwhelmed by how much he’s missed out, excusing himself and leaving to wash the dishes. Katara follows him to the kitchen.

“Talk to me, Zuko.”

“We have been talking. We’ve talked all night.”

“Not about the others, about me healing you.”

“Kat, I told you. I’m done discussing it.”

“I’m not. You’re not giving this a chance, I really believe this is it. If it were the other way around, wouldn’t you do the same for me?”

His face falls into his hands, trying hard not to get worked up. This is Katara; his love, his life and she’s only being thoughtful. Zuko had to find a way to convey to her how this is making him feel. “Katara, you mean well, I get it. I understand where you’re coming from but this is what I want. I’m a dying man with no future. This,” he gently takes her hand, “is worth more to me than spending a possibility of a million days bedridden. I want to die seeing your loving eyes, not sadness on your face. I want to go in peace. I’m not asking you to accept it, I’m asking you to honor it.”

She couldn’t fight that. It pains her but she couldn’t deflect his wishes. The stubborn side of her wants to persuade him but the empathetic side of her gets where he’s coming from.

“I want to marry you, Katara.”

Blue eyes widen. “Zuko…”

“Marry me.” He whispers, leaning his forehead to hers, reflecting the smile stretching on her quivering lips. A warm finger touches her lips and Katara closes her eyes. “Marry me tomorrow.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes!”

Zuko pulls her into his embrace, laughing joyously, dropping his cane so that he could lift her by the waist and swing her around. Katara yelps, wrapping her arms around his neck, the world around them moves in slow motion. The light in Zuko’s eyes fade to dark and a confused Katara collapses on top of him as he falls.

“Zuko?” This isn’t a seizure, he knows it isn't. “Zuko!”

It’s too late.

“Sokka! Aang! Somebody!”

I’m sorry.

“No. No. No. No…”

Her voice fades and Zuko’s heart beats weak to a stop.

[brushes-of-sage]

If all 8 parts dont come thru blame tumblr and their ask limit frozen au idea: ok so yeah varian was born with ice powers(btw i have no idea if hugos adopted in this au or not, it might come back later, my brain is just spitting things at me atm)Varian hugo quirin and ulla were a happy family until one day and accident involving alchemy, ice magic, and a startled alchemist involves in both parents getting trapped in a giant amber trap(Hugo comes in just as the amber finishes consuming them)(1/8)

After this, varian is scared of himself and his abilities both in magic and alchemy. He now wears his gloves 24/7 as opposed to just during experimenting(varian is 9, hugo is 8 kinda like elsa and anna but flipped(i think)) Any confidence he had in his abilities is immediately shattered and try as he might he cant seem to free his parents with magic alchemy or both. Hugo tries to help as much he can but varian is too scared and doesnt want to hurt him. After doing some research,(2/8)

he tries to ask for the trolls help but they cant so he requests they erase his memories of varians power, for fear of hurting his brother (he cant seem to keep hugo out of his lab. He feels horrible about it but cant risk hurting his only family left) Btw i dont c varian hurting hugo accidentally as well i dont think he could emotionally handle it, but all u angst writers, knock urselves out. Fast forward a few years and varian is 21 and about to be crowned king bc he still hasnt found(3/8)

a way to free his parents. While at the coronation party hugo meets donella, quickly filling the mother role he wished he had. Little does he know, she is only posing as a foreign dignitary bc she heard rumors about a magical prince hiding in arendelle and wants to exploit/study it. By the end of the evening she determines its not hugo, but hopes getting in hugos good graces could help getting to varian. Fast forward to the ballroom, the brothers argue (about what i dunno), ice spikes, (4/8)

varian runs, hugo leaves to follow him, and leaves donella in charge. I also headcannon he gets his memories back as the movie goes on bc reasons. Along the way, he runs into belle, a hardened ice harvester whos seriously annoyed about this snow storm in july.(dont worry guys hugo and belle dont fall in love, theyre just friends)They trek their way up the mountain while varian builds himself an ice lab cuz hes a dork. Along the way they meet ice ruddiger("Im sorry u 2 made a snow raccoon but(5/8

not a snowman?" "shut up Belle")So they make it to the lab, Hugos impressed, he wants to reconcile, but varian still has Confidence Issues, insert first time in 4evr reprise and whoopsies Hugos heart is frozen and his hair is turning blue(its already blond) and Belle takes him to the trolls. They tell him “an act of true love” like b4 but they interpret it as familial/platonic love bc that love doesnt get enough love. He thinks its donella bc just like how anna was desperate for love,(6/8)

hugo was desperate for some sort of parental figure, and rushes back, insert evil monologue by donella here. The rest of the movie pretty much plays out as b4: varian is captured, donella continues playing good guy, hugo gets out of the locked library, slowly freezing as he makes his way across the fjord insert art by mom, love heals, parents are finally free, gates are open roll credits. This is honestly something ive been thinking about all day and this au now lives in my mind rent free.(7/8)

I know there are plot holes and missing elements, but this is what i have so far, i lowkey love it, and if u have any questions pls ask, i wanna elaborate this au as much as possible and questions will help and pls tag mom i want her to c this. Sorry if this is too long i just have a lot of thoughts. And oh my goodness that means so much that you've gotten invested tysm(8/8) -💙

Response under cut

Okay, first off oh my heart, I need this movie now akfjakfja (and tagging @cinn-a-mom too ‘cause bless)

So lil Varian is the partial cause of the encasement, right? ‘Cause oh gosh, this poor kid being so enthused by alchemy and now has powers and all of that building up to encasing his parents?? Someone give him a hug 🥺🥺 (and omigosh if this does end up being where Hugo is somehow adopted into the family, just ohhhhh, him coming in at that moment is just *tears*)

And ohhhhh, I love how you slightly changed it to, if I understood right, Varian requesting that the trolls take away Hugo’s memories of his powers - ‘cause this kid is just wanting to help and Varian is scared and worried of hurting him, so he sees this as an option to protect him. (And ohhh, while the angst of him accidentally hurting Hugo with his powers is definitely wonderful, now I’m just imagining smol Varian going to the trolls and pleading for them to help and then coming to the decision to take away Hugo’s memories. Like OH MY HEART-)

And ohhh, I don’t think it’d play such a big part in the story, but as they’re both growing up, who’s acting regent at the moment? Or at least I’m just musing how things would be as they’re growing up since they were kids when Quirin and Ulla were encased (and if you don’t have any thoughts for it yet, that’s totally cool 🤗)

Ajfkakfjka Donella posing as a foreign dignitary to find the ‘magical prince’ to study is ahhhhhhhh- And then Hugo being drawn to her as the mother figure he’d always wanted and lacked for so long????? Lemme just

*sobs*

(Ajfkakdj Varian is SUCH A DORK OMIGOSH I LOVE HIM)

And omigosh, the whole dynamics between Belle and Hugo would be hilarious (“Shut up Belle” while she’s laughing yessss) Also snow/ice Ruddiger is absolutely adorable ahhhhh!

Hnnnnnngggg First Time I’m Forever Reprise and Hugo believing that Donella could break the spell (and ahhhhhh, I can just barely imagine how that monologue would go down - how she was never there for him, why would anyone want him - oh gosh, insert “More Than Just the Spare” ‘cause that’s literally how he’s feeling ahhhh - aldjgjlad even more so especially if he was adopted/taken in because he’ll feel even more isolated after all of this had happened, which is another reason why he was drawn to Donella in the first place)

And then cue Cinn’s art where Hugo sacrifices himself for Varian and we’re here to see all of the tears and sobbing and feels akfjakfjaj

BUT OMIGOSH I FREAKING LOVE THIS - Varian and all of his issues in confidence and his struggle to overcome it, Hugo and his issues in wanting to feel loved from having been pushed away for so long, you mentioned Belle was hardened so I’m excited to see her soften up ajfkakdj, and then DONELLA HECK YEAH - I was not expecting the route you took but I love it so much that it gave me chills ahhhhhh.

Wonder how Quirin and Ulla react to all of this once they get out ‘cause they’ve all grown so much and their kingdom as well

I freaking love this AU and the angst lord in me, while quite enjoying the soft and the fluff, is grinning quite malevolently at the angsty scenes hehehehehe, but seriously, this is AWESOME 😱

[cloudyfm]

ok yes i’m here with lilia’s info ur resident demon have fun pals<3

family background - yes this is copy pasted myob<3

ya’ll ever read one of those drug ring ao3 fanfics where y/n is dating the sexy drug cartel leader? well that’s their family!

generational family blood money because that’s how cartels work i think. started running + dealing three generations back with their great-grandparents in order for them to make a living. it wasn’t until the so-called business was handed down to their grandparents that they wanted to expand and generate more money. the big pharma cover was created in order for them to manufacture, distribute, and supply at a larger scale. present day, their family name has notoriety with other cartel and mafia families.

basically avery was supposed to take over because he was the oldest right, but lilia did not want that at all. their parents started favoring avery and schmoozing up to him a little bit to get him to say yes (even though avery was fully prepared to give lilia the position) and lilia was like! what the fuck! so she told their parents about this one time that avery accidentally blabbed the family secret to a stranger at a party which broke their one rule of keeping it a secret. their parents wanted nothing to do with him anymore and completely cut avery off and kicked him out of the family.

everyone knows that avery and lilia are siblings, even though they don’t really know the actual details about their past together because avery doesn’t say anything about his family and the cartel is a secret. now that they are both at yale and in the elites together they are just kinda like haha awkward <3 they basically would just tell everyone that they grew apart if other characters tried to pry but also lilia is now telling people that avery fucked up a business decision which is why he left the family and avery is like alright but good luck trying to get other info out of them! xo, the jeongs

personal background

a legacy and a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-one and a junior undergrad student majoring in pharmacology. they are as zealous as they are vain.

blackmails: and yes ik we only needed 2 i got pressed and stubborn (drugs tw):

blackmailing vanity fair to keep them from speaking negatively about her and her family by dealing to their reporters. she’s more so doing this to protect herself and her brother than her parents.

is aware of annie and violet’s work arrangements with her family’s drug business. she refuses to involve herself by mentioning that the family they work for is hers and is currently turning a blind eye to the questionable tasks that are asked of them.

purposely sent an ex boyfriend to prison when she was 18 due to her being tired of being in a consistently toxic relationship. she set him up to be found with various bags of illicit drugs (of which were owned by her family) and framed him with possession with intent to distribute and supply to garner a felony charge as an adult.

ok moving to present day stuff<3

ever since avery left the family, her parents have basically put immense pressure on her to fill his spot - the spot she wanted, and since her loyalty is with them and herself, she accepted it and did whatever had to be done. she was 16 when it became her job to take over, so whatever parts of her childhood she had left kind of just left when they began to prime her.

at 18, her mom finally revealed to her that avery had the intentions to give her control of the family when she came of age - something that she didn’t know until 2 years after she fucked up ! her guilt eats her alive to this day, but rather than mending her relationship with him personally, she sends him money anonymously through shorting her parents. 

she actually loves being in the elites ... it gives her such a sense of importance whether or not she is considered a legacy. was kind of excited to join actually and frankly that bit her in the ass with the blackmailer out here but its fine.

her college years have frankly been quiet like .. she’s studious to the point she needs to be but she really is not a partier, doesn’t do drugs because she’s seen first hand the shit that her parents are involved in, and barely drinks. when she does she literally doesn’t know how to handle it and fears losing control. literally if you wanna manipulate her this is how u do it lmao.

this is mentioned in the personality section but yes she is in the classics book club at yale ... she loves her classics</3

she’s actually easy to get along with ok just don’t cross her i promise my god im going to lose it

i don’t know im blanking so bad and this is alrdy almost 1500 words i cant do this anymore. UGHGHH more of her personal stuff is in the personality section im heaving

personality

ridiculously cut throat and has no issues stepping on people to get to where she needs to be. like if it came down to saving herself or saving someone else who she doesn’t have a close connection to? she will always pick herself. 

makes a game out of other people one - upping her<3 if she knows she can win, and sometimes even when she can’t, she will purposely cause a problem just to see them fall and grow her own ego.

also will start problems casually and then just sit back and watch them unfold while drinking wine out a mug.

literally ... and i mean literally obsessed with being perceived as beautiful and pretty. she’s so mf vain that it’s actually a problem, and i can promise you if you call her ugly miss girl will cry. this mostly has to do with her self esteem issues and the pressure put onto her by her parents after avery left. yes she did this to herself dni.

loyal only to those who she cares about otherwise they can frankly rot<3 and there are times where she will break that loyalty if it benefits her.

ik this may not be believable but she actually is extremely insecure and anxious deep down lmao like she has such an obsession with proving that she’s the best to her peers and her family that it flat out consumes her consistently. this is what causes her to act out most of the time and if someone was to become close to her it would be plainly evident. yes - she can be soft.

has an overt persona of positivity and carries herself as someone who doesn’t have negative intentions and sometimes makes it hard to believe that she’s actually capable of doing the things that people accuse her of.

yes she is calculating and manipulative and miss girly will look for faults only to make them worse.

she literally wasn’t always like this but when her and avery’s relationship started to fracture, she kind of let her own selfishness consume her.

she plays stupid a lot KLNDFKNDLKFSD  will pretend to be interested in random men in her classes so they will baby her and do shit for her that she could have easily done herself. it’s not that she’s lazy but she’s only studying pharma because of her family. she has an obsession with classical lit and would have rather majored in that if given the chance. 

has a fear of emotional intimacy </3 went through a really toxic relationship from the ages of 16-18 that was basically more done to bring her family and another together for a business deal and it just ... did not end well for her and basically she was treated like shit. literally the only way she could get out of it was to frame him and then bribe people to make sure the felony charge wasn’t dropped. her family doesn’t know she did this so<33333 

statistics

full name: lilia iris jung.

nicknames: lili or lia.

age: 21.

date of birth: august 02, 1999.

siblings: avery ( older brother ).

birthplace: new york city, new york, united states.

current location: new haven, connecticut, united states.

astrological sign: leo sun / capricorn moon / virgo rising.

gender: cis female.

pronouns: she / her / hers.

height: 5′1″.

sexuality: bisexual.

religion: atheist.

piercings: double lobe on her right ear, triple lobe on her left ear, tragus on her right ear, and a helix on both her left and right and ears.

tattoos: this on her inner, right bicep, and this behind her left ear.

haircolor: brunette.

literally for wanted connections i want 2 things: (1) someone to rock her shit bc that is deserved, and (2) idk she’s wearing a mask like 80% of the time so someone who she is close enough to actual b real with :\ if this doesn’t make sense myob im taking a nap

[studywith-laura]

An Honest Review of University: From a Third Year Student

I’ve recently completed three years of study at the University of Nottingham and I can confidently say that the University experience is one like no other I’ve ever had. Between balancing the chaos of new-found friendships and the demanding workload of studying at a Russel group University, I’ve certainly been on quite the learning curve. There’s some things that you just cant be prepared for before you begin your university journey, but I hope to highlight some of the realities of University living that they don’t tell you when you pick up your brochure on the Open Day.

Now some of these reviews of my University experience will be specific to the University of Nottingham, so hopefully these can be helpful to any of you thinking specifically of studying at this University. Others will be more general so will hopefully be helpful to a whole range of people who are starting their University journey!

Campus Life:

Having the opportunity to live on campus, especially one as beautiful as that of UoN, made my first year of Uni even more special. I lived in Lenton and Wortley hall during my first year of University and I couldn’t have had a more positive experience. Living in halls gives you the perfect opportunity to meet lots of people as soon as you arrive at your accommodation, and I was lucky that this was where the majority of my close friendships at University began. Being surrounded by so many new people can be overwhelming, but for me this was nothing but a positive experience and I found friends I know I’ll have for life. It’s amazing how quickly friendships can form and blossom when you start eating every meal together, as we did in catered halls. Now this wouldn’t be a fair review if I didn’t tell you about the realities of mass catering, which often means that Friday night dinner is the leftovers from Thursday night rebranded as ‘Chef’s Special’. So be prepared for spending more money than you budgeted for on food from the takeaway when you just can’t take another night of soggy vegetables and Muller Corners.

Despite a less than luxury experience with being cooked for during my first year of University, this gave me the opportunity to adapt to living alone in a new city without being thrown completely in the deep end with having to learn to cook at the same time, something I didn’t have to worry about until I moved into a shared house in second year. One other downside of living in catered halls however is how expensive it can be – I lived in an en-suite room, and being catered for, this made living costs for first year very expensive. This isn’t something I regret however – it made settling into University much easier for me and meant that I didn’t have to worry about sharing my private space with people I wasn’t yet comfortable with. I could choose these people for myself and decide who I wanted to share with in second year!

Living directly on campus also makes attending lectures and seminars much easier (yes, I did actually attend my lectures in first year, despite my Instagram suggesting otherwise). Living so close to your lecture theatres just makes life so much more convenient, and means you can risk sleeping in a bit later if you had one too many drinks at the pub the night before.

Social Life

I’ve been lucky in that I quickly found a group of people who I really got on well with upon moving to University, so I soon had people who I was hanging out with regularly. I’ve also found that my social circle has expanded throughout my time at University, so don’t worry if you don’t find your ‘people’ straight away, there’s plenty of people who you just haven’t met yet who you’re bound to click with! It’s easy to make friends at University, whether that’s through shared accommodation, your course or a society, there’s always plenty of people who are eager to make new friends. Living in a city also makes for a great social life, as there’s countless bars and brunch cafes which make for easy bonding with your new-found friends.

Although the experience of living with your friends is an exciting one and something you’re unlikely to experience anywhere else, it can at times be draining, as it becomes hard to say no to another free club night (it did for me, anyway). So, make sure that while you’re putting yourself out there and trying new things, that you’re also taking time for yourself and protecting your own mental health. The pub can wait!

Studying

I’m someone who has always naturally enjoyed learning and studying so University was the perfect next step for me after A levels. I study Biology which has no doubt been demanding and often very stressful. Studying at university level is no joke, and the workload can soon get on top of you if you let it. It’s important that while you have fun and make the most of your time, you actually remember the reason you came there in the first place – to get a degree! I think the reason why students garner such a reputation for being heavy drinkers and partiers is that it’s a good way to blow off steam after submitting a 3000 word essay which consumed all of your life for the past month!

I can truly say I have enjoyed my course, for the most part anyway. There’s bound to be modules which you just don’t like, but you have to suck it up and push through for the sake of the ones you do enjoy. I think it’s really important that you choose a course you truly enjoy, otherwise you’re just going to become miserable, as no one wants to write a 7000-word dissertation on a topic they’re not interested in.

Studying at University has been different to any other level of study I’ve ever taken, and it requires the special skill of being able to absorb and understand a vast amount of content in a shorter time space than ever before. This is challenging, but you easily adapt – you have to! The constant testing and coursework deadlines are rigorous, but they give you the opportunity to learn and become specialised in your field to a greater standard.

House Sharing

The best part of University for me was getting to share a house with my new friends, as we attempted to navigate the adult world together. While there will inevitably be arguments over who isn’t cleaning the kitchen enough or whose turn it is to hoover the stairs, the experience comes with the joy of spending everyday with people who you know you get along well with. Late night deep chats and movie nights in the living room become the new norm, and having your friends by your side make completing your Uni work much more enjoyable than if you were stuck in your room by yourself. I shared the same house with my friends during both second and third year, which brought us incredibly close, and allowed us to form unbreakable bonds. I look back on these days as the best days of University, as you have complete freedom and finally start to feel like a proper adult, while still getting to have fun with your friends. I must stress that finding the right people to live with is essential, as you’ll be spending everyday with these people, so make sure you make the right choice! And remember that living with other people means there will be a whole mix of opinions on how things should work and everyone will be dealing with something different, so you have to learn to adapt to the changing needs of other people, while respecting your own boundaries.

 My university experience is not yet complete, as I start my final year in September to complete my Masters. However, I hope that my experiences from the past 3 years can be helpful to those who are thinking of starting University or have already started their journey and are looking for some advice!

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Three, “If It Kills Me”

A story about what happens when she can’t be just his assistant anymore, and he can no longer be only her boss. Now, can they be happy with being just friends?

Read this story from the beginning here! :-) 

Inspo tag here!

*NEW* Spotify playlist in the works can be found here, songs that inspire me for the story and have significance in the story c: 

Warnings: one brief mention of vomiting, and some mild language.

                                   SNEAKY PEEEEEEEEEEEK

“And Becky’s face consumes my thoughts, much like it’s been captivating my conscience as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. I miss all of it.”

Song Inspiration: If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz (click to listen)

            “It’s like before it’s gonna storm, you know? You can’t see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?” - Steve Harrington, Stranger Things 

The warm rays hit my cheeks as my sandals pound on the pavement. I wonder how I could ever be unhappy given the May sun shining down on me, and walking from my favorite restaurant. Without fail, the blissful idea is stolen away by a swarm of thoughts dosed in reality. And a particular one that reminds me of what I need to do, despite the dread I’ve been feeling. Not even the former respite of Asher’s hug after our shared lunch can keep them away. 

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swipe through my apps until I find the right one. Stopping in front of my gray car, I lean against the door with a huff. My thumbs hover across the screen nervously, followed by a curse under my breath. Quickly, they flit across the screen composing words in front of my eyes. Sliding into my driver seat, I stare at the screen for a moment longer before hitting send. 

I wait for the chime to come, telling me I have a new message, from him. Nervousness coats my limbs and only grows worse as the minutes tick by driving home. Waiting. But when I check my phone after walking in the door, my lock screen showing my dad and I’s smiling faces is blank. 

No new messages. 

Sliding off my black sandals, I pad through the shared living room and kitchen area before reaching my bedroom. My laptop beckons for me across the room on my desk, and I sit down before it. I hope that maybe if I don’t procrastinate this specific thing, maybe things will turn out a little better. But as I’m opening a study guide for Family Law’s final exam, I’m proven wrong. 

The chime grabs my attention immediately, making my fingers still on the keyboard. Flitting my eyes to the lavender Speck phone case, I grow antsy at wondering who the text is from. And what it says. Inhaling nervously, I pick it up and wake up the screen. The few words of a preview I see of the text cues a sour anxiousness to grow in my stomach. Bringing my knees up onto my chair, I pull them against my chest as I open the text. 

Me

Hey I’m so sorry I’ve been terrible at texting back, finals these next two weeks are getting to me. Speaking of that I realized that I have to take a final at the time we’re supposed to get lunch in a few days. I’m really sorry but can we reschedule . . . again? I was thinking in two weeks when I’m finally free from the clutches of uni????? :( 

Harry 

sorry cant love. im in edinburgh all that week for a case. lets talk about it when im back. good luck w finals xx

Sighing, I type up a short response, agreeing to that. With guilt casting a shadow over me, I return my attention to the lengthy study guide. The gross feeling in my stomach remains, and with its arrival, my excitement for our lunch date is replaced with disappointment. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks since we rescheduled it the first time, due to me messing up the dates, again. Peeking my eyes at my phone, I turn away and slump against my chair. 

It’s been a month since I saw him last, and although we’ve sent a handful of texts, they haven’t been enough for me. Skye, of course, told me that there’s nothing stopping me from showing up at his office door, but she’s wrong. I don’t know his schedule anymore, and for all I know, I’d be waiting around for him. Plus, my appearance would just yell ‘desperate!’ Sometimes, I wonder what little world Skye is tucked away into that’s far simpler, not realizing I still have to work during the day, especially more so this summer. 

But as the days drag on with chemo and radiation appointments, and lectures upon lectures, I think maybe Skye has the right idea being so optimistic. Maybe. 

+

Over the next few weeks, I see him at almost every corner I turn, and it hurts more than it should after all these weeks. The ignored texts shouldn’t feel like a fresh stab wound when I see that Scrabble box in the family room, get on that very same lift, or walk past the nurse’s station I found him leaning against that morning. Nothing compares to the piano and the pang I feel in my chest at the sight of it. It comes every time I walk through those doors and am reminded of the intimacy held on those keys. No, it didn’t get easier after the first time being back there with my dad, or the fifth time. Avoiding that gray sofa like the plague only reminded me of the texts I sent him that went unanswered. I can’t blame him though, because like a bitch, I took a week sometimes to reply to him. 

The tight feeling in my chest only feels heavier as I sit on the plaid couch in my childhood living room. I can’t even enjoy watching FRIENDS like I used to be able to, as their faces bring forth the sound of his laugh. It pains me to turn down their voices as I dig my phone out from under the cushions. I try not to let it get to me when I, once again, find no new text messages. My attempt is futile and it only causes me to take longer to open the phone app. By now, I know his number by heart, but my shaky hands cause me to mess up a few times. 

Pressing the phone to my ear, all I can hear is its ringing and the pounding of my heart. As the seconds drag on, I’m almost certain I’ll hear the voicemail next. But then I’m pleasantly surprised, although the bitterness in my stomach blossoms. 

“Hullo?” His gravelly voice pulls my lips into an instant smile. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, the words fall from my lips hurriedly. 

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” he responds curtly, a clattering noise heard in the background before he mutters a ‘shit.’

“I’m sorry, did I call at a bad time?” I ask quickly, regret filling my veins. 

“No, yer fine. ‘m jus’ makin’ dinna.”

“Oh um, nice. What are you cooking?” I inquire, twirling the braided silver ring on my pointer finger. Swallowing, I wait to hear his molasses drawl again, like music to my ears. 

“Jus’ a stir fry. So . . . why’d ya ring?” Harry responds, a coolness hugging his voice. 

“Um, I haven’t heard from you in a while and wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” he hums awkwardly, followed by the sound of a door closing. Squeezing my eyes shut, uneasiness falls over me in a wave. Oddly, I wonder if all of a sudden I can’t call to say hi. “Ya, we’ve both been busy. Cases fer me, an’ prolly uni an’ yer dad’s treatments fer you.”

“Yeah,” I agree aloud, my chin falling to rest in my palm. But it leaves a second later to lose my fingers in my hair. “I wanted to tell you that I finished my finals last week, so now I just have clinical left in the fall. Oh, and my dad got to ring the bell today. He’s all done with chemo and radiation after his scans all looked good. It’s hard to believe that he’s cancer-free. His doctors will, of course, have to keep an eye on him in the future to make sure it doesn’t come back, but I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Tha’s wonderful, love,” Harry coos into my ear, the first notes of happiness heard in his voice. It begins to put me at ease, and cause me to think maybe something isn’t off after all. “‘m really glad t’ hear that- well both o’ those things.”

Unbeknownst to me, I find myself nodding along with his words as if I needed his confirmation. But his words stop there, and the sickening feeling that something is wrong settles back in. A small ‘yeah’ stumbles off my lips as my fingers form into a fist in my lap, debating what to say next. Or if I should ask what I’ve been wanting to say the entire time. 

“We weren’t able to get ahold of each other a few weeks ago to reschedule lunch. Would you still like to?” Going out on a limb, I let the words fly. 

I watch for them apprehensively, uncertain if they’ll take flight. The loud sound from his side, the subsequent shuffling, and a voice saying his name shoots them down hastily. 

“‘m sorry, I gotta go. ‘ll text ya ‘bout gettin’ lunch,” Harry remarks, his words stringing together swiftly. I barely have the chance to say an ‘okay’ before he abruptly hangs up, sewing together an unwanted thought for me. 

Tossing my phone to the other end of the couch, I fall back against the cushions. Turning up the volume of the telly, I avert my gaze back to the make-believe world I’ve always taken comfort in. As the phone call gnaws away at my insides, planting insecurities every few steps, I let the characters whisk me away. Even if their faces and familiar jokes will now never stop reminding me of him, and something I let go of that I didn’t know I had. I only feel worse when I realize that I knew then that he’d never send that text, and I think he knew that, too.

+

“Staring at it isn’t going to make it ring, y’know,” somebody states, pulling me from my webs of thoughts. 

Lifting my attention away from the black screen in my hand, I catch Myles looking at me impatiently. 

“Wha- ‘m sorry. I was listenin’.”

“Then what’d I just say?” he requests, the hand propped against his chin rising in a silent question. 

My lips fall apart to welcome my voice, but nothing comes out. Shrugging, he receives his answer and replies with a disapproving glare. 

“Hare, this is important stuff. We’re leaving for Edinburgh tomorrow for the case, it’s a huge one.”

“I know, My. Jus’ repeat what ya said, please,” I huff, batting a hand at him. His eyes roll into the back of his head when he leans back in his leather chair. 

“I swear to God, Harry, I-.”

“Stop,” I retort, growing annoyed. 

He plays with the point of his quiffed blonde hair before clearing his throat. Although I try to listen the second time around, my gaze is lulled back to my laptop screen. My fingers itch to touch the keys and type up words, and when Myles begrudgingly answers his ringing phone, I find my chance. Sliding my silent phone into my pocket, I click on the blue thought bubble, only to be met with disappointment. Brushing it away, my fingers fly across the keys and my words are sent with a soft hum. Soon, Myles hangs up the phone with a perturbed sigh and resumes the conversation we were having. Again, I try to return to the bubble we share and the words that occupy it, but my mind is consumed with the anticipation of that coveted ding. And with Becky’s face, much like it’s been captivating my thoughts as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

It crowds my mind when I wait for the boarding call, tapping my fingers along the screen and watching the words be sent off. I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. All of it. I miss all of it. It gnawed away at me slowly, and terribly, burying doubts beneath my defenses. They sprang up when I least expected them, and when I thought about sending just one more text. A few words wouldn’t hurt anything, I thought, but at the same time, I distrust the ultimate impact they could have. 

The pounding jars me from my reverie, bringing me to my feet slowly. Padding past the television and kitchen area, a yawn jumps from my lips. Another pound lands on the door, dragging my brow into a knot. 

“Oh, shuddup!” I exclaim in disbelief, wrapping my fingers around the smooth metal of the door. Yanking it open, I find the grinning bearded face of my mate standing on my stoop. “‘m not goin’, Rore, I already told ya this.”

“C’mon, Harry, I’ll look like a right idiot being there all alone,” Rory responds, his steps telling me he’s following me inside once I turn around. “Help a mate out here.” 

“Ya, ‘coz ya were so helpful tha otha day when I asked ya t’ consult with me fer the Starkey case.” Scoffing, his words pause between his lips as I fill a glass of water from the attachment on the fridge. “Why’re ya goin’ anyways, since it sounds like sumthin’ yer dreadin’? And since when d’ya even go t’ these sorta things? Last place I thought ‘d see you at, Rore.”

“I don’t, but it’s for me sister’s showing. I can’t miss it, she’s me baby sister. I’d hear about it from me mum for weeks.”

Snorting, I have to pull the glass of water away from my lips. 

“Hope ya bloody choke on that water, mate,” Rory scoffs, only making me laugh harder. Water flies from my lips as I’ve forgotten the glass on the marbled countertop. “Are ya coming or not, Harry? Ya know it’s a good place to pick up chicks, too. They blooming love these art gallery places.”

Recovering from my fit of giggles, I turn my head to find Rory waiting with the question in his eyes. He huffs and riffles a hand through his tousled blonde hair a few shades lighter than that which covers his face. Shaking his head, he wiggles his head at me. 

“I’ll consult with you on the next case, or even give ya first pick,” he whines, folding his hands together under his chin, as if he’s praying. 

“‘m yer bloody boss, I always get first picks,” I murmur, a smile cracking at the end of my words. 

“Oh, fuck off, would you?” he spits, pushing at a chair in front of the seated bar attached to the kitchen island. Clucking his tongue, he messes with the collar of his navy blue blazer thrown over a bloody Zeppelin shirt. Yeah, you sure look artsy there, Rore. But with the next words that fly from his sailor’s mouth, he pins me down. “What’re ya gonna do here anyways, sit and watch the bleeding telly all in your lonesome when ya could be with me getting damn a date?”

Biting my lip, my house slippers come into my view and when Rory’s eyes find them, a laugh explodes from his lips. “Go hurry up and bloody change before you’re too far gone, mate. I’ll be in the car,” he titters before his voice falls with a delighted sigh. Delight found in my pain. 

“Two cases, Rore. Any two cases I want, ya consult with me on. Ya got it?” I argue, following on his footsteps. 

“Whatever makes ya feel better, mate. I know you'll be thanking me later tonight.” 

“Doubt it,” I mutter, watching him open the door, sure there’s a sly grin covering his face. 

I turn to jog up the stairs until I arrive in my bedroom. Quickly, I toss on skinny jeans, a Keith Haring shirt, and a mustard button up smattered with faded white flowers. I look rather artsy, I reckon, I decide as I look at myself in my bathroom mirror. It’s an easy feat when you’re standing next to wannabe Rory over there, though. After taming my hair and finding a pair of shoes, I pad down the stairs. 

“Alexa, turn off all o’ my lights,” I announce, slipping my wallet and phone into my pocket as my hous darkens around me. 

“Take fucking long enough?” Rory groans when I slide into the passenger seat of his silver Sentra. 

“Shuddup and drive, will you? So we can get this ova with.”

“If you’re gonna be an ass tonight, then just go back inside,” he almost laughs, beginning to back away from the towering walls of my house. 

“Talking ‘bout yerself, are ya now?” I quip, bringing my phone from my tight pockets, tapping in my passcode. 

“I’ve noticed, y’know,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Looking up from the bright screen, his eyes don’t stray from the road. “There’s a girl, isn’t there? Or there was?” he continues, a man I’ve come to love over the last three years he’s worked with me. And somehow I thought I had fooled him, but it turns out, I haven’t. I can’t even fool myself.

“Sumthin’ like that,” I whisper, my attention straying back to the conversation lit on my screen. Another day of the ball being in her court, and she just leaves it in the bloody corner, neglecting it. “I see why ya wanted me t’ come now . . . jus’ don’ try t’ set me up with yer bloody sista. She’s like twenty.”

His hearty chuckle fills the space around us, the words of a song from Death Cab for Cutie lurking in the background. “I won’t, but y’know she’s not gonna let ya out of her sight, mate. She’s had the hots for you from day one.”

“Oh God, Rore, what’d I let ya drag me into here?” I joke, my lips curling into a nervous smile. But the smile feels good, and it feels even better when her name disappears from my screen, and I forget my phone in my pocket. 

+

“What happened to making me dinner?” I whine from the couch, crossing my left leg over the other under the comfort of my blanket. 

“That was when you were busy, and well, the other day when I was feeling generous. Not today, missy,” Skye scoffs, the sound of the fridge shutting marking her words. Something lands in my lap with a plop, startling me. 

“Wow, how gourmet. Why thank you, I definitely don’t need to make dinner now,” I joke, picking up the wrapped piece of string cheese. 

“I know you’re still going to eat it. Just eat cereal or something, you hobo. I’m going to bed at a decent time, unlike somebody.”

“Hey, it’s a Friday!” I argue, pressing the page down button on the remote, waiting for something to catch my eye on Netflix. 

“Yeah, and some of us still have a job on Saturdays!” she calls from her journey down the hall. 

“Party pooper!” 

She remains silent on the defensive line, and so does the list of boring content on the television screen. Relenting, I click over to My Stuff and press play on the next episode of FRIENDS. Relaxing into the cushions, I unwrap the cheese and slowly eat it in strings. Giggles flow from my lips watching the scene unravel in front of me, and some eye-rolls because of Ross or Monica. After a while, my legs stray to the fridge, and I return to the tan sectional with a bowl of Cheerios. The milk threatens to spill over the side when I sit up suddenly, almost yelping in laughter at the scene when Monica and Rachel lose their apartment to Chandler and Joey. The sugary Cheerios soon disappear, and the milk follows them as the episode nears the end. 

Placing my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, I hurry back to the sofa to catch a Phoebe scene. My cheeks warm with a smile, but they soon grow cold when my thoughts have to interrupt with a memory of his face. That god awfully sweet smile adorned with his cherry lips and precious dimples. Without knowing what I’m doing, the cartoon looking app appears under my nose, and pictures fill my feed. I take a second look at a few of them that catch my attention, the angry voices of Rachel and Monica tickling at my ears. 

Soon, the search bar materializes and although it feels wrong, I type in letter after letter to create his name. I can’t remember the last time I glanced at his profile, just to catch a hint of him. Finding the profile I’ve become familiar with, I tap on his picture and wait for his profile to load. Glancing away, the tv captures my attention once more as I scratch at an itch on my leg. Yawning, I rub at my eye before it falls back to the blindingly bright screen. Blinking hard to clear the haze from my vision, I scroll down to see what new pictures he’s posted, although they’re usually few and far between. 

I find the most recent picture I recognize and tap through them. Picturesque shots from high in the clouds. His unbelievably adorable niece. Food-grams. A picture of a homemade pizza is making my mouth water and is still stuck in my mind when I happen upon the next photo, and the most recent one. The moisture in my mouth is wicked away, suddenly bone dry when the image in front of my eyes slowly registers with me. But I can’t believe it, even though I’m seeing it. I don’t want to see it, or believe it. The moisture reappears in the corners of my eyes quickly as a sourness quickly knits together in my gut. The image shakes in my hands and then blurs in my eyes, accented by the thrashing of my heart inside of my chest. 

“Skye!” I shout, the words leaping from my lips with little success. 

My lip wobbles and I feel my entire face collapse from pain, disbelief, the whole shebang. The sob screaming from my lips is muffled by my fingers coming to my mouth. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” I mutter, inhaling fast and feeling the tears in my throat. Because I can feel it everywhere in my body - the pain. In my eyes, my stomach, my hands, and my chest. The sight of Harry’s lips touching that of another girl’s sends knives into my heart, and my stomach roiling. “T-this can’t . . . ,” but my words escape me, because the multitudes of feelings punished with anguish and despair course through me. 

“Skye!” I yell again, not realizing that I’ve gotten to my feet. I stumble at first, feeling the weakness reach my legs. Her name leaves my lips wet with tears as I run past the kitchen and down the hall. 

Pushing open her door, darkness meets my eyes, and I swear in that moment it swallowed me. Hitting me, I grab the doorframe and feel my forehead fall against it. Leaning there for support, the sobs roll through me, the very reason still clutched in my hand. 

“Whaaaaat?” she groans tiredly from her bed across the room. 

But I only reply with a sob of her name, hiccups havocking my chest. My hands claw at the wall, darkness coating my eyelids. 

“Ree?” Skye asks groggily, the click of her lamp following her words. “What happened? Are you alright?” she hurries, the pillowy patting of her covers being thrown back meeting my ears. 

Her arms wrapping around me are almost numbing, and do nothing. And feel like nothing. But when I feel my head meet her chest, the slowed-down world I lived in for those few seconds vanishes. 

“Skye, I-. . . ,” I attempt, once again falling up short as tears suffocate my voice, much like they’re making me feel. Shakily, I press my phone into her hand as I try to find safety in her arms. 

I wait and then am rewarded with her intake of breath followed by a sigh. “Holy fuck,” she whispers, and retaliates by pulling me closer against her. “Come here, Ree.”

She walks me over to her bed and helps me under the covers until I’m surrounded by them, and her arms. 

“Who i-is she?” I demand sloppily, searching for something to hold onto and to anchor myself with. I’m compensated with the smooth fabric of her shirt that I cling to the back of, my head falling into her hair. The mundane scent of strawberries wafting from her body tries to relax me, but to no avail. 

“Ree-,” she begins, but I don’t let her start, let alone finish. 

“I want to kn- I need to know,” I respond, sniffling against the warm expanse of her neck. There’s shuffling next to me before she sighs, and I sense the light of my phone. Tapping prods at my hearing as I try to form coherent thoughts. 

I’m met with images of him. Harry. His dark curls, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and the high-pitched giggle that accompanied my tickling as well as his own. The intruding memories rack my body with shaking sobs, pressing my lips together as new tears gush over them. My belly contracts with each sob, and I don’t even register the cramping in my hands from holding on so tightly. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Skye hums warily from above, pulling my head into her neck, leaving her arm there to shield me from her words. Or the image that I can’t remove from my mind even if I tried. It’s burned there indefinitely now. 

His arms in a blue button-up surrounding her and his lips enveloping hers. A smile creasing his cheeks with happiness, and spreading to those of her dark cheeks. Her curvy body pressed against his, flowing ebony curls tickling her chocolate skin. 

“Tell me.”

“Okay,” Skye caves, the tips of her fingers running marathons along my back, in attempts to calm me down. But I don’t know if the tried and true will work this time, although it has for every other, even when my dad’s life was painted with the C-Word. “She’s a London based artist, does some sculpting and gallery work locally. According to her Instagram account, anyways.”

“I asked . . who is she?” I repeat, my voice wavering under the dominance of the tears. 

“Her name’s Bailee Taylor.”

“W-what does her page look . . . like?” I request, exhaustion blanketing me, and only adding another feeling to the rest. Blinking away the tears, I try to take in a deep breath, but my memories hit me with the safety I felt in his arms. Unwaveringly. 

“It looks like they’re . . dating,” Skye announces quietly, squeezing me around the middle. The confirmation I didn’t know I’d been searching for hits me like a train, knocking the air out of me again. And all of a sudden, hatred pulses through me, asking me where to lay it. Where to feel it. “There’s a few pictures of them on her feed, looks like they met maybe a few weeks ago.” 

“Why?” jumps from my lips finally, taking a nosedive to join a sea of unanswered questions. The word shakes the second it leapt from my tongue, and somehow it hurts more than all of the rest. “I h-hate him,” I cry, my nose smushing against her skin when I try to hold onto her tighter than I already am. 

“No, you don’t,” she coos, raking her fingers through my hair slowly, and carefully. 

“I know, b-but I wish I could,” I answer, the memories dancing through my head at hyper speed. Falling asleep in his arms, and waking up in them. The tickling fight. The almost kiss. The Scrabble game. Waking up to find him waiting there in the doorway. Him coming back even after the way I treated him. Finding him standing there at the front of the lecture hall. The reprieve of being in his arms again after so long spent away from them. And then, like a wall, my mind runs into the strings of unanswered texts. The canceled lunch dates. The both of us ignoring the other’s texts, but then at the end, it was him. It was him who was awkward during the last phone call. He hung up on me abruptly, and I heard somebody else was there. Was it her? It’s possible they would have already been together by then. He said he’d text me to set up lunch, and he never did. 

“It won’t make you feel better,” she murmurs, cupping my head with her palm. The sound of tears edging at her words only makes mine come harder, and the feeling in my gut grows louder. 

“Then what will?” I beg, wondering if I’ll ever forget the taste of the salty tears. A taste I thought I could forget just late last month when my dad was cured. News that I told him, and had been impatiently waiting to do all day. “I thought I was just feeling okay again, Skye.”

“I know, Ree, I’m so sorry,” she returns, placing her cheek against mine, the first tear peeking through in her voice. “I’m sorry.”

I unpeel myself from her anxiously, kicking away the blankets before my feet land on the floor. 

“Where are you going?” she almost demands, the sound of her following me far away. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” I confess, rushing down the hall before falling to my knees in front of the toilet. The Cheerios and milk from earlier make a reappearance, along with the string cheese, and mushy contents of my other meals. 

Running a cold cloth along my face, Skye kneels in front of me, her face painted in sadness.

“How can it hurt so much, Skye, when he wasn’t even mine?” I croak, focusing on the lone tile in our bathroom that doesn’t match the rest of the flooring. 

“I think you’re wrong, he was yours, Ree.”

“I was so close. I fucked up, again,” I weep, my lips collapsing with yet another sob. 

“Don’t say that, don’t,” she insists, tucking her hair behind her studded ear when it goes every which way with the shaking of her head. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it is. She’s so pretty . . Of course she is,” I remember aloud, breathing in quickly before the tears take hold of me once more. Closing my eyes, I reach out for her and let my head rest against her shoulder. 

“She really isn’t, Ree. A big pair of tits doesn’t make you pretty, and anyways, you’re far prettier. He could do much better, like you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I confess, trying to swallow, but my throat has tied itself into knots with the thoughts of him. And when that word falls out of bed inside of my head, I find that it can hurt worse. “I was his Becks, Skye, I thought it was right there. That it was gonna happen for us.”

“Oh, Ree,” she cries, sniffling against my hair when she pulls me against her. “I know, I’m so sorry . . so sorry.”

Nodding into her chest, it feels right as her necklace digs into my wet cheek. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth, and so does every other part of my body in some way. Somehow I let her bring me back to her bed, and hide me away in her arms. My head swims with questions, then fleeting hatred for him, and inconsolable longing the very next. I shed a tear for his smell, his contagious smile, that Scrabble game we’ll never finish, the churros I’ll never be able to eat again without him ruining them for me, the color of his eyes I could never forget, and the lost feeling of his lips I never got to kiss. The list miles long of things I never got to say to him, or do with him, or make him feel. Because now she does, and she isn’t me. 

“I-I thought . . that he felt the same way about me, and that somehow he knew that I loved him.” 

A whimper escapes Skye’s lips as my tears fall into her neck, adding to the puddle I’ve shed there. 

“What does she have that I don’t? Am I not interesting? Does she have a nicer body than I do? Am I not pretty enough? Was I not nice enough or appreciative of him?” I weep, the questions flowing off my lips from the recesses of my mind. My name greets my ears firmly, but I ignore it. “I was trying to answer his texts when I could, but things got so busy with uni and my dad. All the driving, the tests in both places, and I couldn’t keep dates right in my head. Maybe if I’d texted him back sooner that one time, or made the lunch date on the right day the first time-.”

“Becky, don’t do the ‘ifs’ thing,” Skye urges, pulling the covers further up our shoulders before returning to combing my hair back again and again. 

“But I can’t stop thinking about what went wrong, a-and how much I miss him, Skye. I miss him a hundred times more after seeing that picture,” I reveal, falling into her, my lips meeting her shoulder. My teeth dig into my skin and I let them, numb to the pain as the same word is too busy with my mind. “I don’t know if I ever wanna see him again.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to, I’ll always want to. Like something inside of me will always want him.” 

+

The sunlight streaming in through the windows is the first thing I see when I awake. Ducking my head back under the covers, I pull them over me with a groan. The blissful ignorance of the first few minutes after waking up follows me, until it all comes crashing back. 

“Are you awake?” a voice murmurs, sleep clinging to it. 

“Unfortunately,” I whisper, staring into the muted light underneath the gray covers. 

“I can stay home if you want me to, I was just making some breakfast,” Skye responds, the tapping of her feet along the floor following. 

“No, don’t cancel your hair appointments because of me. I’ll be . . I’ll be fine,” I tell her, but then the tears greet me good morning. 

“Oh, Ree, I’ll cancel and we can watch movies all day, or FRIENDS. Whatever you want,” she announces. The bed falls to one side when she sits on the edge, and I feel her hand find my back. 

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d say that,” I return, turning around and sitting up to dive into her arms. “I was hoping I had dreamt it all and it was just a bad dream. But my life is the bad dream.”

“Oh, Ree,” she coos, surrounding me with her arms. “I know this is cliche and it doesn’t feel like it, but it’ll get better.”

“I don’t know about that. My life is a running joke lately because it feels like it’ll get better, and then it just gets worse.”

+

“Your birthday is coming up, isn’t it, Becky?” somebody asks. Looking up from my cupcake, I find the face of Sophie. 

“Yeah, end of next week,” I answer, picking an orange sprinkle from the white frosting to eat.

“Do you have any big plans?” my boss asks as she places her lunch in the microwave. 

“My brother and I hang out every year, we’re twins.”

“Oh, how fun! I remember meeting him once when he brought you lunch one day,” she smiles, turning to face me as she waits in front of the humming microwave. 

I just nod and dip my finger into the frosting, feeling it melt on my tongue a second later. 

“Everything alright, love?”

“Yep, just tired is all,” I fib, taking a bite of the carrot cupcake, although I’m not wrong when I think about it. Skye has been a lifesaver for the last two weeks helping me get back on my feet. Thinking back on it and all of the tears leaves a funny taste in my mouth, but I try to brush it away with a forced smile. 

“How old will you be this year, Becky?” Sophie asks, pulling out a rolling chair to sit to my right at the long table. 

“Good old 26.”

“Wow, still a spring chicken, I’d say,” she comments, bringing a quirky smile to my lips. I almost follow her laugh with mine. “Well you know what, an early birthday present from me is you can have the rest of the day off. You always do a great job, Becky, and so you deserve it.”

“Sophie, I-,” I begin, my jaw falling to the floor. 

“I mean it, go. Get out of here. Go do something that makes you happy, love, it looks like you need to,” she smiles, squeezing my arm from across the table. Standing to my feet, profuse ‘thank yous’ leave my lips before I leave the break room. 

I drive around with my windows down, unsure of where to go instead of home. Before I know it, I find myself walking into my favorite little coffee shop. I’ve always loved to hang out here with a cup, reading a book, doing homework, or just relaxing on one of their sofas. 

Soon, I sit down with a Cubano sandwich and an iced cinnamon roll coffee, my very favorite. Pulling a book out of my work bag, I crack it open to the first page, unable to remember when I last had the time to read a book for fun. The words of Ruth Ware stare back at me, slowly drawing me into a made-up world, and away from the desolate one trying to swallow me. 

Quickly, I’m grateful for the respite from the thoughts mucking up my mind. Instead I lose myself in the sentences that spin a scary story, thanking my old self for stashing something besides a romance in my bag. That’s the last thing I could even think about indulging in right now. For some reason, the mystery entices me, a genre I’ve always had a love for. I think, especially now, it’s the aspect of being able to solve a mystery, and to fix a problem. If only I could do that now, I wish silently with a spiteful snort. 

Placing my empty plate on the return area by the cash register, I return to my cozy spot on the couch and to my book. Losing my fingers in my hair, I prop my head up and open the book to where I had left off. Soft indie music trickles from the speakers as conversations float around me. Several more sofas are dotted around the large room and booths, as well as tables varying in sizes. Friends play board games borrowed from the shelf by the fireplace, and others do schoolwork or actual work. A laugh from behind the counter echos through the room, right as the bell on the front door jingles. Although across the room, I can hear the voices floating in from the sidewalk. Cars honking and birds chirping. The sounds make me itch to leave the air-conditioned room, and bring my reading outside into the June sunshine. 

The words covering the pages root me to the spot, but they can’t protect me from what I hear. It’s a voice that I know inside and out, from the shortened words to the often used words. My vocal cords soon begin to tangle into knots in my throat at the mere noise. Beneath my baby blue blouse, there’s a clobbering in my chest as the voice grows near and then stops. Instinctively, hair falls through my fingers as I lower my head, wishing to remain unseen. Unknown. 

I can’t stop myself, and there I am looking up to see that crinkly-eyed smile through wrenching tears. 

Harry. 

[skullstarz]

CONGRATS!! <333 ya know me BUT, may i please get both hq and bnha? she/her. 19. capricorn sun, libra rising, aquarius moon, and capricorn venus. isfp. straight. and i don't have a preference… but i'd choose villains.

uhhh i hate describing myself. i like to shop and spend money on clothes and other things i don't need. i like to write (burnout is killing me). very lazy. but im still super fun and funny. very loyal. also very annoying. i hate school and work, just wanna be a housewife with 300 pets. mwa.

SORRY I TOOK FOREVER uh genshin impact consumes my life <//3

DAICHI

✿ I KNOW you love suga but HEAR ME OUT

✿ you're friends with suga and you're like getting shitty grades and you're all 'suga pls help me study <//3 i beg'

✿ you are YEARNING for him but what you think is a study date is actually a study group with him, daichi, and some dumb first years (aka hinata and the no brain squad)

✿ after you meet daichi and find out you both make each other laugh till your sides hurt ummm both of you -> ♡—♡ and the rest is history

✿ this man becomes a police officer, so you know you have that government job money to not only spend but live off of

✿ and we all know hes dad material so whether you and him have actual babies or fur babies he 100% supports you and loves them

✿ enjoys shopping with you and encouraging you to get your shit together without overwhelming you

✿ and your first kiss? exactly that

"dai lets go out someplace" you beg "you have like three missing assignments" he shoots you down quickly, not even turning his head towards you- bruh <//3 you're in spain "maybe i'll do them if we go out first, as a reward" he stares at you puzzled "thats not how rewards work"

a moment passes and you huff, finishing the last question on an assignment. "see- look, i did it, now lets go out as a reward" you smiled before he chides you "finish the other two first, at least" "why do you have to be such a good dude" you grumble, going back to your assignments as daichi smiles, before getting up slowly

you look at him, confused, before receiving a short and sweet, yet hesitant, kiss. "is this enough of a reward?" um shawty you're deceased <3 that wasnt a reward that was a murder

DABI

✿ um honestly i cant tell you how or why he loves you he just does

✿ his ugly ass wont admit he LOVES you though, always jokes that he tolerates you at most

✿ loves that you're lazy, ngl, he likes lazying around with you any time hes not busy with his whole villain thing

✿ doesnt care much for the fact that you have/want many pets but supports you nonetheless, sometimes calls them ugly to tease you though <//3

✿ lmao he encourages your hate for work and school

✿ "just stay in bed with me babe"

✿ secretly the most supportive boyfriend when it comes to your writing, tries to discreetly inspire you and reads over your work from time to time

✿ goes shopping with you but complains the whole damn time like a BABY but actually likes spending time with you walking around a shopping mall

✿ your first kiss was actually at the mall

"dabi PLEASE just try this on i think it would look good on you" "uh no <3 i dont even wanna be here" you stare at him with an annoyed face "cmon if you really didnt wanna be here you wouldn't have come now please just try this SINGULAR shirt" he lets out a half-whine half-grumble before snatching the shirt, going off to the try on rooms while you snoop around for more clothes like a little shopping goblin

he called over for you and as you reach him you nod approvingly, liking what you see. he scoffs when he sees another shirt "please just try this SiNgULaR shirt" he mocks your past remark. "ONE more" you beg with big ol puppy dog eyes (him in his head: baby im not even here, im an illusion) "you aren't gonna convince me like that, doll" "oh yeah?" you ask, an idea popping up in your mind "i just said so, dummy" he teases, before you give him a fat ass kiss that he attempts to deepen but fails as you pull away

"now will you try on this one last shirt?" you ask him, and he smirks "tch, sure whatever"

[waitinginthedarke]

It Consumes Me

A BTS/Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Summary: The minute he laid eyes on her he knew she was the one. But love is a battle of the mind and the heart, and when the voices in your head start winning, how can your heart possibly compete with a choice that consumed you before the very start…

Type: Angst/Love

Disclaimer: This story contains strong themes. Should a chapter be potentially triggering, it will be stated beforehand. (This chapter contains more direct reference to triggering subjects, most prominently EDs)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 6

You couldn’t help biting your lip as the two of you returned to Jungkook a few minutes later, hands entwined securely together, bringing a much lighter atmosphere to the younger guy…and the nearing empty plates laid out before him.

‘Jungkook-ah! Don’t tell me you ate all of that food alone?’ Namjoon instantly scolds his friend the second he enters the room after you and catches sight of the table, his voice reaching a new depth that you hadn’t heard before, and you feel a shiver race through you as you settle back down in front of your coffee and continue to sip on it with an amused smile roaming your lips.

‘Hyung! You were taking ages, and the food was getting cold! I’ve already ordered you both more, anyway. But in answer to your question-‘

‘Hyung! Where have you-‘

The guy who appears in the door at that moment is stunning in an angelic sense, even with the disheveled hair he was sporting under the hood of his over-sized jacket that he had pulled up, the softness of his face, and the soft curves of his lips, nose, and eyes, all told you that he was beautiful in an other-worldly sense. It was only the ripped jeans and the slightly beaten army boots he was wearing that gave you any indication that he was a human like any of the rest of you in the room, as well as the slight ruggedness to his voice that told you he’d not long woken up from sleeping (despite it being almost bedtime anyway).

Evidently from Namjoon’s death glare across the table at Jungkook, the man beside you had not been informed of the other guys imminent arrival, and so all you can do for a moment is awkwardly smile at the guy in the door who was staring at you with a look caught between confusion and alarm, before he realises he is doing so, and you see the tips of his cheeks tinge pink in embarrassment as he ducks his head and enters the room fully, pulling the door closed behind him for more privacy.

‘Ah…hyung…Jungkook told me you were grabbing food so I asked if I could join and he said yes-‘

‘Yah! Hyung! Don’t blame it on me! You demanded I tell you where we were cause you were ‘starving’.’ Jungkook argues quickly, using air-quotes for the last word to back up his innocence in the matter, the strain on his face and the new guy’s, telling you they were both waiting in suspense for Namjoon’s reaction to the circumstances.

But not being one to let your good mood get taken away from you, you decide to intervene before the man sat beside you can say anything.

‘Well its just as well you brought in reinforcements to help eat the food, Jungkook-ie. Please, sit down…?’

‘Jimin.’ The guy introduces himself, seeming to relax some with your intervention, and you even notice a small lifting at the edges of his lips that signaled his comfort and slight curiosity towards you.

‘Jimin.’ You confirm with a smile, ‘I’m y/n.’

Its only as you watch Jimin sit opposite you that you become aware once again that Namjoon’s hand is still cradling yours under the table between you, his thumb smoothing over the back of your hand in what is almost a thankful gesture at your reaction to the new person in the room, conjuring your gaze up to his, where you find him watching you with an unexplainable look that slowly lifts into a thoughtful smile. You watch him as he lifts your joined hands so that he could place a swift yet meaningful kiss to your knuckles, proceeding to take a sip of his water and leaving you to chuckle silently to yourself, before immediately having your attention confronted by Jimin’s intent stare at you after obviously having just watched your interaction with his friend.

‘I...feel like some explaining needs to happen.’

------------

Namjoon

He’d watched her throughout dinner, making sure a part of him was touching her the entire time, whether it be her hand in his, her thigh lay flush against his, or his palm on her knee, the nerves left over from the revelations of the night still swimming boldly through his veins and leaving him anxious to the thought of her leaving at any moment.

The way she conversed with his friends, despite his anger toward Jungkook for allowing Jimin to join them and, in turn, find out about y/n, had made his chest swell with happiness, the laughter that flowed easily between them causing him to notice the way her eyes squinted at the sides when she found something really funny, or the way she’d hold her stomach with one hand and cover her mouth with the other when she laughed too hard for even her own tiny body to handle…

…but that wasn’t all he’d noticed about her.

Throughout the meal- as Jimin dug in happily to the hotpot and ssam that Jungkook had ordered, and the maknae helped himself to seconds- she had returned frequently to her coffee, nibbling at one or two kkenip leaves… but for some reason not actually eating anything.

When he’d noticed that half the bowls were empty the first time and she hadn’t eaten much more than two bites of a leaf wrap, he’d hurriedly made a filled one for her and offered it to her, but the minute she’d taken it from him and he’d relaxed with a smile, she’d quickly made to feed it to him, laughing when he’d protested lightly, insisting it was for her, before giving into her wants and letting her push it into his mouth, the move thankfully covering his confusion at the turn of events.

After that he’d made sure to thank her properly with a kiss to the cheek- which had made the others cringe, and her squeeze his fingers tightly with gratitude, as well as offer him a meaningful look. He’d then made sure to slyly take the small bowl that had sat untouched before her and fill it with some of the stew before Jungkook could finish it off, replacing it quietly in front of her and trying to not make it too obvious that he was watching her reaction intently.

Instantly he found himself relaxing when she’d turned to him with a questioning yet thankful look, leaning over to return the kiss to his cheek that he’d placed on hers earlier, and as he’d watched her pick up her spoon and slurp some of the soup happily, he’d shaken himself out of his inquisitive state of mind, and resigned himself to being overly addicted to her every move, returning to help himself to the rest of the food- and scolding Jungkook for eating too much when he’d already had a whole place setting to himself.

He’d filled Jimin in as much as he’d informed Jungkook about y/n over dinner, taking note of the concerned creases that appear at the edges of his eyes over their relationship status, and deciding to deal with his questions later, quickly suggesting to the others that they should make a move after he realizes they’d been at the restaurant for well over 2 hours- not the 1 hour he’d told y/n earlier.

‘I don’t think I should be paying considering you ate pretty much the entire two rounds, Jungkook, but I’ll make an exception if you keep the fact of me and y/n to yourself and don’t make a big thing of it…you too, Jimin.’ Namjoon states, stern gaze flickering from the maknae to his other friend and softening to a pleading look, which is only responded to with a small un-flustered nod. Its only once they’re outside that Namjoon finally finds it in himself to inform y/n of the time.

‘Aish, I need to get home.’

They were the words he’d been dreading to hear.

‘Just stay a little longer.’ He pleads, clasping both of her hands in his as he stands in front of her, letting the others continue walking slowly ahead of them as he searches her eyes, bringing her hands up to his chest when he realises that they were cold and cocooning them in his hold.

‘I cant. My father is going to be angry enough as it is about the fact that I was out studying so late, …I cant even fathom what he’d say if he found out about you.’ She trails off, ducking her head sadly as she admits this tiny detail to him.

‘Well at least we can both agree on something…’ he murmurs in response a few seconds later, slowly lifting her chin so that she was looking at him, and smiling kindly down at her, ‘We’ll have to keep a low profile for both of our sakes.’

It hurt his heart to say it to her, the idea of not being able to share the fact that she was his with everyone feeling like a fist was wrapping around his heart. Yet at the same time he couldn’t help but feel relieved that he could live this separate secret life along side her for a while, allowed to learn her and enjoy spending time with her at his own pace.

‘Yeah…sorry...’

‘Why are you apologizing?’ he asks lightly, pulling her closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her waist, the need to keep her warm in the slight breeze of the river over-ruling any wish he might have had to let her have her own space- although judging by the smile on her face, she didn’t mind the touch one bit.

‘It just means I get to be with you, and learn about you; learn all of your favourite things, as well as the things you hate- and I get to do all of that without worrying that people are watching us, or that anything bad could happen to you.’ He explains, intending to watch his words sink in on her face, but not being able to resist stealing a kiss from her when he sees her staring at his lips, and feeling his stomach rejoice at the taste of her, enjoying the way her eyes sparkle as he pulls back to look at her.

‘You’re too sweet for your own good, Kim Namjoon.’

It was his name lingering on her lips, watching the way the luscious magenta framed the words that belonged to her just as much as him with the way they became true in the night air that floated around his ears, that had his mind racing with ideas of how to make her stay; how to convince her to stay by his side till the day began again, how to tell her that she couldn’t leave him because it felt to him like her touch was the only thing keeping him standing in that moment as their bodies lingered under the luminescent glow of the streetlights.

‘Is there any way I can make you stay?’ he asks, so softly that at first he hadn’t realised he’d spoken aloud. Its not until he sees her eyes dancing with glitter, the temptation of tears plucking at her lower lids, and he notices her lips curving unknowingly into an adoring smile, that he realises he must have said something to cause the reaction, causing his brain to suddenly catch up with himself.

‘I-‘

The sudden touch of her fingertips to his lips has a wave of tingling rushing down his spine, fingers involuntarily curling in the back of her coat, clutching her closer to him as he fights the desire to close his eyes and savour the moment, needing to know what the reason for the move was.

‘I cant tonight. …but I’ll tell my father that I’m staying at a friends tomorrow- or whenever you’re free. I-...sorry, I don’t mean to sound pushy-‘

‘Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.’ He cuts her off without letting her finish, locking eyes with her and grinning uncontrollably, the look being an overflow of the sudden riot that had begun in his chest following her words, the entirety of his body practically swelling with the need for the sun to rise and set again within the next ten seconds just so that he could get to the next time he’d be able to have her in his arms knowing he wouldn’t have to let her go until the sun rose.

‘Okay.’

It was a whisper, a confirmation, a promise; it was everything he needed in that moment.

‘Namjoon-hyung? Are you guys coming?’

The call from Jimin was an obvious ‘deus et machina’, a full stop to a sentence he never wanted to end, but that he knew had to.

‘I really do need to go.’ She murmurs as if on cue, having turned her head to look over to where the other guys were stood expectantly waiting, and as much as it hurt him to let go of her, he slowly drops his arms from her waist, making sure to catch her hand as he takes a step back and offering her a sorrowful smile when she turns back to look at him with the retraction.

‘I’ll walk you to the bus stop.’ He offers, smiling as his thumb grazes the back of her hand comfortingly, signalling that he wouldn’t fight her anymore on the matter that night.

‘Oh, that’s okay, I haven’t got any money on me, I was just going to walk-‘

Namjoon signals to Jimin to wait for a few more minutes as she talks, recognizing the rejection by the awkward way in which she fumbled over her words, remembering the way he’d had to do it numerous times when he’d first moved to Seoul and had very limited funds from which he could borrow. However, despite knowing she would put up a fight at his next move (having witnessed enough of her glorious pride to anticipate it), he also knew that the alternative; letting him walk her home; was out of the question for them both, and so bracing himself for a protest, he gently turns her in the direction of the row of bus stations, and digs his wallet from his coat pocket, fishing his travelcard out from within and waiting until they were both stood within one of the shelters to gift it to her.

‘What’s this?’ she asks faux-obliviously, narrowing her eyes gently as she looks up at him, and he smiles bashfully down at her, slowly brushing some of her hair from her face as a distraction, whilst also knowing the move was a simple indulgence for him.

‘Which bus takes you home?’ he asks instead, looking up and seeing two buses approaching from further down the road.

‘The one to Hyochang. Now, sir, would you mind telling me why you just gave me this card?’ she asks again, her voice playful yet still confused as he inwardly groans; partly for the fact that the second bus would indeed take her to her house (and away from him), and partly because of the title she’d just used to address him.

‘I figured if I gave you my travel card, you’d be able to get the bus home, because you would have refused any offer of me walking you home, meaning I wont have to worry that you’re cold and open to attack on your way back. And also, this way I have assurance that I will see you tomorrow because you’ll want to return it to me. …your bus is here.’

His explanation is punctuated by the brakes of the vehicle as it pulls to a stop beside them, the late hour thankfully meaning there were only a few people on board, but Namjoon still made sure to angle his body slightly so that they couldn’t see the part of his face that wasn’t covered by the facemask he quickly put on. For the few moments he’d spoken their eyes had been locked together, some form of argument appearing to build within the depths of her pupils as he gazed into them, yet when he felt behind him for the button to open the bus doors he saw it instantly dissipate, only to be replaced with something he could only describe as timidness.

However, before he could really decode it, her perfume was suddenly filling his nose and the shape of her lips had imprinted themselves on the tip of his cheek as it poked out from beneath his mask, and he was left with the gentle whisper of her voice ringing in his ears as he turned to watch the bus pull away with her on it, the few words echoing in his mind like a siren call as he locked eyes with her from within and she smiled sweetly back at him until she was out of sight…

‘Thank you, Namjoon-oppa.’

(T.B.C)

[graceful-defender-of-paris]

Theonsa high school sweethearts

2

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115370

Sorry for the late reply!

(2347)

If you had asked Sansa a month ago or even five minutes ago what she thought about Theon she would have said he was like a piece of furniture, he was always around the Stark household.

He had always been Theon her brothers best friend. Theon who was her brother in all but name if Robb had his way, he was an honorary member of the Starks.

So why was it that after being dragged along by the rest of the family to Theon's swimming gala. So she of course was disgruntled because she had planned to visit Margaery to watch ‘Love Islands’. each year they took attractive singles from all over Westeros and put them on an island, the year before they were in the Arbor but this year they were on Dragonstone, it was so exciting! Especially since Margaery's brother Garlan was on so it was basically her civic duty to watch it and support her friend's brother.

But, instead, she was watching Theon. In his swim shorts, that showed off his surprisingly toned body with a chiselled abdomen that the droplets of water cascaded so attractively down, as he pulled himself out of the water, her eyes were drawn to his muscled biceps that glowed as though sun-kissed in the fluorescent lighting of the Winterfell leisure centres swimming pool.

Oh, gods, she might have a crush on Theon.

This was TERRIBLE! No no no this cannot happen , she absolutely cannot like Theon because he is much older (a year above her) , he is a notorious womaniser and worst of all he definitely sees her as his little sister.

So, all in all, she was definitely screwed.

There was no way she could ever look Theon in the eye again, let alone be in a room with him so obviously, her best option now was to run away and join the silent sisters.

Yeah, that could work.

They were going to arrive home late-probably after midnight so she would have to watch Love Island on catch up at home. After Winterfell academy swim team won they were all invited for a celebratory meal where Sansa found herself increasingly panicked at the realisation that Theon was not just hot but extremely hot.

So she did what any normal person would do. She panic texted her best friend Margaery.

[Sansie]

Okay so

Has Theon suddenly become hot or have I been blind my entire life?

[Margie]

You’re only just realising??

If I wasn't having my world rocked by your stupidly hot brother I'd jump on that

Also, have you realised that you are in love with him yet?

[Sansie]

please don't use 'world rocked' and 'hot brother' in the same sentence ever again

AND I AM NOT

[Margie]

Sure San…

[Sansie]

I mean it!

It's just that

Did I blackout for ten years or something cause I swear he was Robb's annoying best friend yesterday but now he's all attractive and annoying and oh god's I like him don't I?

[Margaery]

Yep

Now go get him before anyone else does

Since there were so many of them the family had been split into their mum's people carrier and Robb's small Toyota Prius, unfortunately for her, she was in Robbs car, which also seated Theon. She was in the back in the middle seat squashed between Arya and Theon and wondering if her life could get any worse.

She was terrified to even check her phone in the case any more of Margaery's messages came through and he would see it- which had happened with Rickon earlier.

He kept making kissing noises at her and Theon and now she found herself here.

It was nearly impossible to ignore him now. All her senses were heightened when he was around and now all she wanted was a scented candle of him, How he managed to smell like the sea and Winterfell would forever elude her but gods it was intoxicating.

Arya had been giving her odd stares as though she had been acting weird- which given the situation was understandable but it was when Theon whispered close to her ear “are you okay Sans? You're not acting like yourself” that she really fell apart.

Turns out all it took was watching Theon get out of a swimming pool for her to question everything in her life and then some.

She squeaked out an affirmation that was supposed to mean “I am fine” but sounded more like a smothered cry for help. Which Theon took to mean “I'm cold” as he took off his jacket, put it around her and put his arm over her shoulder and snuggled her closer to him.

And to make it worse, she fell asleep.

“Sans”

Her pillow seemed to be wriggling so she held on to it tighter to keep it still

“Sans, c’mon you have to let me go now”

Why was her pillow trying to talk to her?

“hrmph”

She could hear a little some bickering that sounded like one of her brothers but she just wanted to go back to dreaming of a world where Theon didn't just see her as his little sister.

Ahh Theon

Unbeknownst to her, of course, was that she had just said this out loud in front of said object of desire

“Uhhh… okay” her pillow seemed confused, “Sansa, Robbs about to drop me off at home, I'm just going to remove your arms from me so I can get out..”

Wait, what? Was she lying on Theon? Suddenly a rush of adrenaline shook her awake and she was keenly aware of how she was lying on top of Theon

She blearily tried to blink the sleep out of her eyes when she saw Theon's sea-green eyes staring intently at her, his mouth broke into a relieved smile and she fell deeper.

“You can keep my jacket, I know its cold, it's about a minute or two till Robb drops me off and I didn't want to have to wake you while everyone was watching” his eyes darted to Robb and Jon who were happily oblivious to the affairs of the back seat, and Arya who was texting away on her phone.

[Sansie]

Oh god it's so much worse I've gone completely 0-60 and now I can never show my face again

I slept on theon in the car

[margaery]

That's it?

No outburst of I love you?

boring

though if you were going to do a random declaration of love I would've liked to be there so I could do it justice in my maid of honour speech

[Sansie]

Let me live! ive only realised I liked him four hours

[Margie]

And he's liked you for at least the past four years

Honestly, I'll be dead before either of you make a move

I heard Jeyne has a thing for him, so really confess your undying love soon before we have to go on a ben & jerry's rom-com binge to mend your broken heart

[Sansie]

JEYNE?!?!

I'm so screwed :(

[margie]

You're using emojis

It's worse than I imagined

******

Its been three months since her startling realisation that she had a crush on theon and so far she had done absolutely nothing about it- not for Margaery's lack of trying.

“You know he likes you back” Margaery all but declared in the middle of the hallway on their way to geography- the one class she hated (she was failing at geography). What made that matter worse was that her teacher, Mr Luwin, had organised for Theon to tutor her for her upcoming exams.

Apparently, her teacher was out to get her as well.

“He doesn't! And I don't want to make things awkward for him and Robb. I also don't want to fail geography”

“c’mon! You cant say that you haven't loved every minute of your late-night study sessions” Margaery teases, Sansa could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks at the thought of Theon in his oversized hoodie and messy hair sitting at the desk in her bedroom.

“That's irrelevant.”

Margaery shot her an incredulous look and opened the door to their class, “you never know until you try and I have it on good authority that he would be very open to you advances” and gave Sansa a knowing wink before sitting at her desk.

Ugh, there was really no escaping it anymore was where Margaery would rest until she finally jumped the bones. And at the rate she was going she thought that theon probably would just be bones before she finally had the guts to tell him.

Thought of theon consumed her throughout geography and she found herself at a complete loss when she was called upon to answer in class.

“Miss Stark?, I asked you a question.”

She felt her heartbeat race as she stuttered out “um, could you repeat the question please?”

“How many islands make up the archipelago of the iron islands?” Mr Luwin repeated

She knew this one, Theon would always talk about his homeland and the way his eyes crinkled when gushing about the bracing wing and the waves crashed against the rocks had embedded itself in her mind “31 Sir”

“That's right Miss Stark” She let out a breath of relief, perhaps she might survive this after all.

****

She had taken Margaery’s advice to heart, so she had decided that tonight would be perfect. He was coming over for their study session and her parents and younger brothers would be away for Rickon’s Skagosi fighting tournament, Jon would be at his “nights watch” band practice and Margaery had promised her that she would keep Robb occupied.

She didn't want to know how , all Sansa knew was that she needed to do something now- or forever hold her peace.

Maybe that's a bit too much , she thought. No need to scare him senseless like “oh hello theon thank you for helping me study, by the way, let's get married”

‘Bzz’

‘Bzz’

her phone vibrated alerting her of incoming texts. She had been in the middle of getting ready- but not too ready for Theon's arrival and she rushed over to check her messages.

One was a snap from Margaery with her fingers crossed with “GOOD LUCK!” and “GET IT GIRL” splashed across it, the other was a message from theon.

[Theo]

Swim practice finished early so I’ll be there in ten

I'll lift some coffee on the way, your usual?

Oh no.

She was supposed to have at least another hour to prepare herself. She was supposed to be calm and collected not frazzled and panicked.

[Sans]

Sure :)

Crap she must sound like a prat.

She began pacing the house- her room couldn't contain her anxious energy and was midway through her second tour of the living room when Arya ambled in and said “could you please stop pacing! Just tell theon that you like him and be done with it” she had forgotten that Arya was home.

Spluttering she could barely form the words to try and denounce her claims when the doorbell rang.

Her eyes locked with Arya’s and it was a race to open the front door. Arya was using her training to vault over the sofa but Sansa’s determination drove her to push herself faster until she almost slid past the door entirely,

Her hair was a mess, Arya had just clung onto her jacket- which coincidentally was a leftover from theon when she had slept on him so long ago and opened the door. To a quite perplexed theon.

Her mothers teaching kicked in after the awkward pause since opening the door, she shook off Arya's grip and welcomed theon “Come on in!” in her best imitation of her mother's hostess voice.

Arya had other ideas, “Sansa likes you, you like Sansa. Can you two go off now and stop moping?” and pushed Sansa into Theon's arms before trudging up the stairs to her room to presumably notify the family group chat of this occurrence.

She thought Margaerys matchmaking was bad but now she was screwed.

No way to come back from this.

There was little that Sansa could really do about her predicament, Theon had dropped their coffees to catch her, “uh, hey sans” theon appeared confused as she looked up at him and then a mischevious glint appeared in his eyes and he teased “so you falling for me?”

She felt embarrassment take over as her worst fears were realised.

Pulling herself up with as much dignity is possible she turned to theon to say “There's no need to make fun of me if you don't like me that's fine and I can study just fine on my own” and made to close the front door on him.

Mother would baulk at her for such rude behaviour.

Before the door could close theon had stuck his foot in the gap preventing her from pushing him out, “Sansa,” her heart sunk further theon never used her full name. “Do you want to maybe get coffee?”

She nods tentatively in response.

Theon smiled in relief and he offered her his arm- if Margaery was here she would say his arm.

The remnants of their spilt coffee lay at their feet but maybe this was her chance, maybe he does like her.

As he opened the car door for her he bashfully asked “Was, was what Arya said true? Because, uh… if it was I would say that feel the same way about you.” she leant against his car stumped at his revelation. Sansa struggled to find the words to say to him and her eyes became drawn to his lips before dragging them back to the ocean pools that were his eyes.

So, instead, she pulled him in closer to her and placed a quick, barely-a-kiss on his lips.

He murmured “Do you have a map? Cause I got lost in your eyes”

Idiot she thought but still found herself giggling at it.

He held her closer to deepen their kiss and she could feel his smile that threatened to break out.

[toxiccaves]

♻️What can I do about Global Warming?♻️

Hey guys, so global warming is scary stuff and i feel bad reblogging all these bad posts without spreading news on what we can do. Now theres plenty of resources out there for further reading but ill try to save you some time by compiling this post! But sorry i cant save time on how lengthy this post is. Sorry fam.

So, I’m just gonna list off some reminders about things that have an impact for a better environment! Because there is stuff we can do, and we have 12 years to do it, so let’s get on it! TLDR? Skip to the bottom! So here’s some things we can change:

Unplug things when not in use; is unplugging a hassle? Get power strips so you can turn the whole strip on and off when not in use! Apparently there are phone controlled power strips as well.

Invest in energy saving appliances! (Washers that only use as much water as needed, shower head controls, energy saving lightbulbs etc.)

Don’t full blast the water you use if you don’t need that much pressure. (ie: brushing your teeth or washing ur hands? You can put the faucet on with a lighter water flow, this saves water!)

Next time you need a new car, try to look out for electric cars. Automobiles are the second worst pollutant behind the food industry, and electric cars would make a huge difference. My friend’s mom has one and it’s a very nice car, and huge. They’re not all the silly tiny cars you see people make fun of all the time on TV.

New car’s and finding even used electric cars can still be hard in this year though, so carpooling, using public transit, or even biking when possible has a huge impact.

As for the food industry, try to adopt a plant based diet. This can be good for you, but it’s good for the environment because the farming and fishing industries are really hurting the atmosphere. You don’t need to go full vegan or vegitarian though, you can opt instead for grass fed meat. (Cows being fed wheat isn’t in their diet, so they make more gas, methane, at such a large rate with how big the food industry is, and it is really cutting into the atmosphere.) Better yet, you could look into farmer’s markets and shopping local, as they are a lot smaller, but also tend to give their animals proper diets.

Another thing you can do for food is grow your own veggies/get your own animals! A lot of pollution is put out transporting food, so the more you can get from your backyard, the better, as well as cheaper! Pot a few veggies on your porch each summer, even if it’s only a few, every bit counts.

On the topic of growing stuff, grow some trees! More trees on the earth, the more they filter the air. You may even have communities nearby that go around planting trees; try searching and volunteering for one if you got the time.

Waste less food, only buy as much as you’ll eat. (food decomposing/molding releases methane.)

Get a tap water filter and reusable water bottle to drink tap! This will save you SO much money on water. Plus, water bottles are one of the worst things that take up landfills.

Recycle as much as possible, and not only your trash, but by making less trash. Bring things to thrift/buy things from thrift. Use reusable grocery bags. 

As well as using your own water bottle with your tap, you can bring your own mugs to coffee shops! Starbucks discounts 10 cents per drink, and dunkin donut’s does a discount too! You can look up your favorite coffee shop or ask if they offer this, though I’m sure they do! (Dunks is also going green by phasing out the foam cups for paper cups!)

Allrighty. Well, that’s a lot of fun stuff we can do day to day in our personal lives, but we’ve all heard this before in school about how its good for the environment, granted now, we really should adopt this widespread in the next 12 years, but what we also really need to do is contact our representatives/congress to make a change. Why this was made a politcal issue as to whether it is believed in or not is ridiculous as it is proven science over years of study, but there are a lot of things we could push for, such as putting a price on emissions, cap and trade systems, or general overall systematic changes over food or fossil fuel industries, and just making change a priority. Some of these practices have been put to work in other countries, and they work! Do some research and let our representatives know that it is a priority to us.

We can also contact companies directly to encourage them to change their practices for a greener world. As we saw dunkin donut’s is already on it, and companies often DO listen to customer feedback. Heck, I get free coupons every time I leave feedback, so it’s worth a shot if enough consumers show interest. They could change the diets they feed their meat, ask to change their packaging, etc. 

We have a voice, so we should use it if we want to see change. We need to show that this is public interest so we can see some change. Do some research on your own, look to environmental communities, and try to ask for change. I’d like to have a habitable world in my future, hopefully everyone else does too.

At the very least, staying educated on this issue can make a difference too. Do what you can! 

For a little further reading: BBC has plenty of articles, and here’s some info on carbon pricing

[midnight-heroes]

Hello! Could I get an MHA matchup please? Triggers of death, and PTSD in this bio! (It's not too graphic, I just wanted to warn you) Galusuave, 15, 5’7”,Galusuave is broken. She lost everyone she knew and loved in a spaceship crash three years ago, except for her now 6 year old nephew, Rexio. (She’s an alien) The trauma of losing pretty much everyone makes it very hard for her to connect with others, except Rexio, whom she is FIERCELY protective over. 1/6

She also hates beaches, pools and large bodies of water, because of what it did to her family. She had to go through 3 years of working to get her and her nephew a life on Earth. She had no support when it came to the trauma, so it only got wose. She was taken by the police, but both her and Rexio were so scared that they ran away, and covered themselves up midnight-blue robes she made with her sewing skills. 2/6

She's apathetic, but does what she's told. She has great control of her quirk, Portals. She can create up to 6 portals from her hands. However, they all look exactly the same, so she has to remember which ones go together. The portals are created at close range, and can only be created from the users hands, one per hand. They can be picked up and moved, but the user has to physically go there in order to put it there. Like the user cant just open some random portal to nowhere. 3/6

The user must have a totally open palm to create the maximum size portal, a circle/oval shape with a diameter of 10 ft. She loves playing with Rexio and showing him new illusions and magic trick she has learned. She got into Kosei Academia for Heroic Studies (temp name) in Hokkaido through the headmaster and school counselor/her homeroom teacher, who managed to gain her trust after he helped her get aid. She lives in classroom that was turned into a bedroom for her and her nephew. 4/6

She's insecure about her alien parts, being her neon red skin, bright orange hair, blue blood and detailed scars of courage from her shoulders to elbows, and thighs to knees, and her 7 fingers per hand. She doesn't fully understand human culture, and she doesn't like to get close to people, because she fears she may lose them. All she wants is to go back to her planet, but she can't get back anytime soon. 5/6

She needs to make some friends, before her PTSD from the accident consumes her whole, because it's already got 90% of her. Her s/o needs to love Rexio. No buts. Any gender is fine, she doesn't judge. And a student please Thanks for making it this far, my broken baby and her nephew need some love! 6/6

So, first off, I would like to say, that I love this character so much. This poor baby deserves so much love

Alright, so let's start off with a few friends for Galusuave (cool name btw). I put some careful consideration into this, so I hope you approve. I'll be putting a best friend in here, two average friends and then a significant other.

Best friend: Mina Ashido

So, for obvious reasons, I chose Mina because I feel like they would bond over their alien-like appearances. She is the Ridley Hero: Alien Queen after all. They probably would have met through passing each other on the street. Mina would have taken interest in her appearance immediately. I think it would be a somewhat forced friendship at first, Mina pushing her friendship onto Galusuave, not to be irritating, but just wanting to get to know her and make another friend. That's who she is after all. After becoming friends, I feel like it would become known very quickly that Mina is ready to help whenever she is needed, no matter how hard it is for her to get over there and give her a hand.

She is always willing to play games with young Rexio. In fact, she absolutely adores him so is bound to ask if she can be his babysitter and such whenever Galusuave isn't able to bring him somewhere or keep an eye on him. Those magic tricks and illusions Galusuave likes to perform for Rexio? Mina goes absolutely nuts for them as well. She is always so psyched when she has something new to show them and is constantly asking to be taught some cool tricks!

Mina is also super protective of, well, everyone. She will not stand for bullying so if someone was to give her or Rexio a hard time for their appearances, she would have something to say about it, whether they intimidate her or not. She'll always be there for her, thick and thin, even if she feels she doesn't need Mina to be there.

Considering she is also super social, she would be good for Galusuave, considering she would help her socialise with others, start to make bonds with people and hopefully get rid of this fear of getting close to people because she's scared of a scenario that probably won't happen. If she is really feeling uncomfortable however, Mina will casually end the meet up with some simple excuse and would get the poor girl out of there to calm down and do their own thing.

Final two points; the hatred towards large bodies of water and the portals. Mina would want to help with the thing against water, whether it is a fear or just plain hatred. She wants to get Galusuave into the water some more so they can have beach/pool days with everyone. Of course, she would never dream of forcing this though. Now the portals, she would see as an excuse to play some games. She would call it a form of training, setting up large portals in random places, but still in a single area - such as a training field or something - and would invite people to play a game of quirk gang-up tag (Where I'm from, we call this gang chasey). The portals would be used as shortcuts, and as the name suggests, you're allowed to use your quirk to your advantage, but you can't be off the ground for more than a few seconds to make it fair. The chaser would catch one person, then they would both go after the others until everyone had been tagged. It would be a good way to use their quirks in different ways, while having fun and socialising.

Two close friends: Toru Hagakure and Momo Yaoyorozu

These two were chosen based on the belief that Mina would take this sweet child on a girl's night out. While all the girl's in 1-A would be there, plus maybe some from a couple other classes, I feel like Toru and Momo would get closer to her than others, helping to bring her out of her shell to have some fun. This would lead to some more nights out with just the four of you along with some sleepovers at Momo's manor (or even the dorm if they can get away with it). Of course, Mina would insist Rexio be there as well so he wasn't lonely and would feel included. Of course, this would come with some girly consequences, but it's all in good fun.

Toru would be the type that is totally into makeovers and would be the one constantly insisting they go shopping or hang out together in a somewhat stereotypical 'girly' way.

Momo on the other hand, would invite her out often to experience some of the finer things in life, just to show her what some of the good things are about their planet and such. She wants to show her as much as possible while she can.

While these girls aren't Galusuave's best friends, like Mina, they are there going to be there for her if she needs them.

Significant other: Eijiro Kirishima

I was conflicted about this one, but I saw him as fitting. I was going to pick Mina for this actually, but everyone needs a really good friend by their side without there being any tension because one likes the other.

So, Eijiro would start to like her, purely based on the things Mina says about her at school. Hearing bits and pieces about her peaked his interest and he would start asking questions until Mina decided to introduce the two of them. Eijiro would be comfortable about the whole thing, introducing himself casually and such. Of course, it isn't guaranteed that Galusuave would be as comfortable as he was, but you have to start somewhere right?

Meetings with him would start off short, somewhat awkward and of course, supervised by Mina because she didn't want her bestie to become uncomfortable. When things seemed to be going well, Mina would start making excuses as to why she couldn't make it to group get togethers, or Eijiro would start asking Galusuave to hang out together, just the two of them. He would show her things he found cool, take her to do fun things and would totally have 'manly' play dates with Rexio, where he would take him to the park or something like that.

When Eijiro realised he had a thing for her, it became a little harder for him to talk and would find his heart beating rapidly in his tightening chest. It would take him a little while, but he would eventually ask her out on a date in hopes that she wouldn't freak out and say no to him.

The romance blooms from there, the two of them getting to know each other even more and hanging out a lot. Of course, whenever Bakugo was involved, it was kinda awkward, but that's why the whole Bakusquad would come if Bakugo was to be there. Just to keep things safe. To be honest though, it would probably be Mina that invited everyone when the two of them just wanted to hang out together - Not that it wasn't fun in the end.

Then... if she really, still wanted to go home, Eijiro wouldn't argue. Of course, it would break his heart that he - and the others - weren't enough to make her want to stay, but he would want her to be happy. If going home was to make you happy, then he would do anything in his power to ensure she gets her dream.

//Holy, this ended up so much longer than I first envisioned. I loved working on this so much though and I love that the best friend part ended up the longest, but it's sisters before misters after all! I hope you liked this!

And if anyone is interested in getting a match-up like this, just let me know and give me as much information to work with as possible. I think it would work best with ocs, but I'm sure I could manage either way.