#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way

[silenthillbunni]

🌧️🫧💭

[daisychainsandbowties]

your nonbinary beatrice post, i’m mentally jumping up and down on a bed ala s1 ava

nonbinary avatrice is so damn underrated imo, especially since they both read very trans and/or nd, (beatrice especially ((unrelated but lilith also has autistic vibes for similar reasons to beatrice)

ava is a bit complicated because on one hand it’s very likely she doesn’t care much or at all, and you have that whole queer af conversation between her and chanel about not knowing who you are because you never got a chance to explore or something that’s even queerer knowing that chanel’s actor is trans, and how often being queer and disabled goes hand in hand because of how man & woman is usually defined so much as a cishet white, thin, well off, pro status quo abled man/woman, but also on the other hand, that could also be the very same reason why a disabled person might firmly id as cis and/or with their agab, because of how they’re systematically denied manhood/womanhood because of their disability

and then with beatrice, like aside from the way she dresses, and i refuse to believe the combat habits didn’t make a few nuns realize that they aren’t so cis after all, you have the “people have tried to make me something i’m not. to make me normal. or at least, acceptable*.” and many people will “accept” gay people but only as long as they’re don’t display any gender queerness/gncness and/or transness

(*and obv that line is very easily also or as well interpretable as autistic beatrice, esp w how she displays a few behaviors that could be read as her being autistic, but that’s off topic)

<- first of all i am just yes yes yes about the intersectionality of disability/queerness & how it adds huge good layers to any conversation about nb avatrice. i rlly like the idea of Ava claiming her gender, b/c so often the systems and the institutions and ablism try to infantilise disabled ppl, & that extends to participating in gender, linking right to dehumanising tactics.

& i fucking LOVE Ava really doing gender and doing it her own way and grabbing it and running with it. Ava coming from a place where the ppl who 'cared' for her didn't give a damn about her girlhood. she's been confronted with her girlhood only in terms of pejoratives - 'you're a very x girl'

i am Thinking about the s1 line where we see sister fuck looming over Ava after she gets her period & saying to her 'you're a woman now' & how that is framed for us. just specifically what the entire event of menstruation feels when you are not cis.

ppl telling you that you're a woman (now, suddenly. like, fuck, when did i agree to this. who asked my permission?) and how you can feel your body being reframed and relegated in a certain way by the world and the anguish of that, often the blunt and speechless agony of it because the language that could latch onto what is wrong about the way that woman sits on your skin is unavailable to you

nonbinary avatrice is very mood to me because i think they in general have an extremely gnc thing going on. look no further than the outfits in s2. it is BOTH of them, also. Ava reads very boyish to me (hilariously in a very 'that kid with the band-aid on his nose & the blue shorts from pokemon who runs around on the beach going '!!! my footsteps keep disappearing'. ava silva-core).

there really is something in Ava that resists conventional femininity & i think it is very AVA the way she does it. she's giving the middle finger to it, she's shrugging at it. she's kissing gender on the mouth & girlbossing & also just being a little guy with her baseball cap turned around like ash ketchum. Ava silva 'gotta catch em' all' Silva but with the genders.

& yeah the fact that when beatrice is not in her habit she is wearing very masc clothing, putting her hands deep in her pockets, shirt collar sticking up out of her sweater. the outfit she wears to kick crimson in the face. the outfit from guttural scream fight night. her armour with its bandoleer of knives & her cute little throwing stars you use to hit soft tissues with pinpoint accuracy. the softness and the violence of her.

& you are so right. 'ppl tried to make me something i'm not' - you can imagine beatrice in the catholic school uniform with the pleated skirts and the soft v-neck jumper & the blazer & every teacher saying 'now girls' and 'please, girls' all the damn time. how electric it must feel to her to hear the word boy on her skin.

(& yeah. my first fic which is s1 beatrice POV i literally have a tag that's like beatrice is autistic & that's how i write her in everything. ligaments, star wars au bea they r all autistic. a part of it is... i am autistic so it ends up maybe being a situation where especially in second person it's hard not to write autistically but shrug emoji, i also just think bea reads very autistic to me. i have a whole bunch of my own feelings & opinions on what autism looks like w/ beatrice specifically but that's not for this post)

tldr: yes you are very smart and very right

[cashweasel]

It was hard to pick,,,,, so, fjskdjsksjs it’s so many (only sort of sorry,,ngl) 😂

5,17 for kiyazan

9,25 for daemon nd karima

8,15 for Gideon and valen loll

29 for all of em 💀

Once again I FORGOT ABOUT A BLORBO ASK but I literally had this in the drafts and everything and today I bring you answers FHRHDJKSSJ

Kiyazan:

5. How do they comfort each other when they are sad?

Yazan is a big actions guy so if something is bothering her he’d want to take care of it and fix it immediately also kiki loves cuddles and cuddles she shall receive fjskakdjdk will literally do anything to make it better,, holding her, talking about it, dancing it out, ordering her favorite takeout (yazan talking about it is a mix him being sincere and dissing the shit out of the person/situation and I kinda love it djdjskdjdk) leaving kiki’s part for you because I wanna know 😌💗

17. Their ways of expressing their love.

We talked about yazan putting up the shelves that kiara got that have been sitting around since forever and that pretty much what it’s about 😂 he just does things for her, or does things so she doesn’t have to. Pre relationship or pre living together yazan would just go around her house and fix anything that needed fixing fjdksidjdk,, also a big part of why he doesn’t mind doing the chores. To put it shortly acts of service and quality time!

Daemon and karima:

9. How open are they with their feelings?

I know why you’re asking this 😂💀 karima is…. Unfortunately still not the best at it at least in a serious vulnerable context and she bottles up a lot BUT she would sit down with him and be like “can I tell you something homie to homie 😔” and even then she tries to to keep it from getting too deep even when it comes to expressing love she’s not one to get Too sentimental but will let him know she cares about him. But this is mostly when they’re still in the beginning of their relationship (honestly it might take her 2+ years of being like that 💀) but I will say the first time she lets herself cry in front of him…………..

25. Share any headcanons about their relationship.

FHDKSJSKDJ ok so you know karima will just KO whenever wherever and her sleep is heavyyyyyy lol and I just think daemon doesn’t let her sleep in her makeup that’s all 😌 she’s knocked tf out snoring and all and he’s just 🥰 wiping her makeup off and doing her skincare for her

Valen and Gideon:

8. What are their most prominent memories of each other?

PLEASE 😭 valen’s is that he used to keep a pet rat as a kid, everybody refused to acknowledge it because it wasn’t actually a pet it was some rat he found lurking in their gardens and deemed it his bestie and would check up on it every day fssksjdjdj and when the rat died gideon was the one that buried and held a funeral for it 😔

Gideon’s most prominent memory has to be valen punching his dad in a room full of people loll bc not only was it incredibly humiliating and an act of love towards his bestie but it was also the first time anyone really stood up to this bully of a man and he just got wrecked by a teenager fjskaksjdj it was great seeing him hunched over w a bleeding nose until he made a comment about the company his son keeps and then it was both boys vs the guards trying to tear them off him fjdksksjskdn

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

Sort of lol,, gideon struggles so much with his self image and thinks he’s broken and has nothing to offer or that letting ppl get to know him is essentially a burden on him and them so he just doesn’t make friends or meaningful relationships easily and valen over here just Fails to fathom it because to him gideon’s the most solid friend he’s ever had and literally nothing like all those things he says about himself and so he always makes it a point to let him know all the things he appreciates about him

Valen on the other hand thinks he’s the most interesting and amazing person anyone has the pleasure of knowing and that he’s worth it and because he’s set that expectation for himself any criticism from others or negative emotions from himself is shoved aside in favor of the facade and while gideon agrees he’s amazing and lowkey idolizes him lol he’s the only one actually capable of giving him a reality check that he’ll listen to and seeing him as just valen

All:

29. What are your favorite moments that happen between them?

WAAHHHH LMAO ok to be completely fair my fave kiyazan moment is them throwing up into the same toilet together and kiki tolerating the bugs yazan collects despite hating them bc if this isn’t love idk what is 😂

My favorite daemon karima moment is him kicking the ball in her face when they first met DJDKSKDJDJFN and also ceramics class

And my fave valengideon moment is them going into the city and buying some lame lizard which turned out to be a large dragon they tried hiding in a barn where hay and fire don’t mix very well SGDHFKSKDJDJ rip

[oc romance asks]

[dojae-huh]

huhnim i tried to hold not to write. .... But if I don't pour my heart to someone I don't knw I could sleep tonight.....

So ty is leaving!!u knw what he said to at the last ment, take care of his boys while he is away for military!!! U knw huh nim I am a dy biased soul, but ty without 127 is a head without a body for me.... He is the leader charismatic central visual of the 127.....nd he is leaving!! I knw blabbering about this doesn't make changes..... But u knw I really hope he just go there with full of satisfaction!!! U knw what he said on this muk2u episode.... He wanted to go a tour with his memebrs, that they didnt ever get a chance to!! I hate the fact that they had to work this harder to be where they are and even can't go for a tour to enjoy themselves..... Now that everyone is gonna sperate I don't knw what to say about it.... I hope once everything settle down he can go with his members, only them only for their enjoyment....

Nd my jae, he is preparing his solo , nd his movie is gonna come out soon, which I have a great expectation..... I hope this year may kind to him so that he could achieve everything that he wanted.... Like his acting and his solo everything.... More thaan that I am waiting for his solo to see how much he linked dy in his songs.... U knw I still think horizone is for dy.... Nd I have my theory I will just write about it another time.... Today my heart is aching ... I can't focus on anything rather than 127 ..

Jungwoo is really popular than he think he is...or is ot just me....anyway he is popular nd a veriety member...atleast that's what they want from him, nd he won't dissappoint us in that matter....may be we could get his solo next year, but not rush he have time....ofcrs he had lot of other opportunities to watch....i think he would get casted on some veriety show as a per member i gues....i hope it happens....i think he would be the most emotional when the memebrs go one by one to military!! He nd ty got close this year nd when dy goes bet me he would cry his heart out....but what i truly impressed by him that he broke the wall of mark nd got close to him nd made into his bestfriend position.... U knw mark won't open up to ppl that easily, even if he does best friend??...no.... Nd that's why haechan is a younger brother nd dy is a drinking buddy nd a mother to him.... Not best friend.... Anyway I am glad they got eo...

Johnny nd yuta......i really need them to have their solo schedules as a singer not in any other way around....i mean they both are successful as a fashion brand ambassador s nd model etc....but as a singer they need to shine more...yuta is really improve so much from his debut vocally....nd he kinda want to show his vocal skill to the world...so I really hope he gets it in a way he wanted!! Not rushing only if he is ready to do it....nd jhonny i realy pitying him for losing his dj schedule...i mean fate really snatched it from him....it was a really good opportunity for him to shine his own...u knw he has that Chicago hot guy vibe, nd he could slay it easily.... So i really hope he gets opportunities on that field and also all those field where he could show his veriety skills... Nd also his singing skills too.... U knw this way 127 won't get forgetted too.... If the members are active one by one.....

Nd mark nd haechan.....my heart aches when I think about them....no idea how they gonna survive this seperation...u knw mark and haechan could work on dreams nd their solo schedules more when 127 is not in active....but i knw they hate the fact that it is gonna happen soon....markhyuck hates it when we ask them to take some rest... Such a workholic....nd i knw how much 127 meant to them...haechan always says his team is 127, nd the way mark, leemark cried on the last day on the unity soul really made me think that they are really really sad about this....nd i can felt it that's the worst part!! Huhnim do u knw hat haechcnie said today!! He is gonna comeback as 127 haechan Soon!! 😭😭😭😭......

Taeil......i can't even talk about him.....what in the world that tragedy had to happen to him that he lost the most precious time of his life...with his memebers his fans nd his career....just becoz of someone's mistake he lost the good part of his life...nd even if he recover nd come back woud he get enough time to show his solo? Would they enlist him soon after he come?!!! I hope he exempted from that thing so he could achieve evrything that he lost in this time....huh nim he is the best vocalist for me.... I want the best for him!!

Nd last my dy, my one nd only love...I heard a teriifying rumour about dy..that the reason behind them rushing his solo is, he gonna enlist soon....probably the end of this year.....no....huh nim.....he is preparing his solo that is the one thing he is most excited about... I want him to enjoy the each and every moment not rushing.... I want him to have everything, a well planned solo debut, promtions, fansighn nd solo tour everything!! I would be the first one to glad if dotae could spend the military tgthr, coz I love them nd don't want them to sperate!! But no dy need his time to do everything that he wanted in a way he wants....!!!! Without rushing and enjoying the evry moment of it..... I like it when doyoung brags when he is excited!!! Nd want him to become a million seller solist in that pink company!!! 😌😌..... I hope that is just a romour....

Nd my real concern.....huh nim do u think 127 didn't got a proper chance to whom they are really??that if they get more opportunity than this they would have been more successful?? Fate and also some factors did snatched most of their opportunity,but still they are successful in their own way with thier uniqness nd skill..... Everyone is talented in their own way... But it's thier 8th year nd they only got 3 world tour without proper mangemnt, still the boys shined very well with their own skill...i do think they deserve better... I hope they success more in the future!! But I am scared would they get an opportunity after military!! Most of the team lost their shine after the military.... Huh nim I am so scared that it might be their last con as a whole 127..... I can't even imagine the fact of them separate forever.. . I knew everything is not gonna last forever!! But u knw they hav lot of sparks within them to show to the world.... I don't want them lose the chance to show their skills.... It's like my boys are running out of time..... Do u think they get enough chances after the military??... 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Huh nim let me apologize for blabbering my thought and the message....but writing this to someone who knws what I am talking about really made me feel better, even if it's for a lil.....thanku for this blog.....nd i really i hope u won't close this if 127 gone.... 🥺🥺🥺🥺...... It would be like losing everything..... It's all my thought, coz my heart feels heavy..nd eng is not my first lang .. If something hurts you or my tone made u offended, I am sorry!! Pls forgive this pure soul who's mind is not working becoz of 127...Nd thankyou once again.... Have a nice day..

Psychiatrists say that half of the time they do nothing but provide an ear, people get better just by venting out their feelings and thoughts. It helps to process thema and let go, unload. So you are half-way to a recovery after this long post, heh.

Enlistment is a huge change for Taeyong. He has been running for 12 years non-stop, and not he will dissapear to another dimension, away from the fans, celebrity life, his friends - everything. It is taugh, and he has an example in Taemin who couldn't cope (he had mental issues while in the military), but I believe in Tae's resilience. He will be able to receive calls from family and friends, so he will have the support.

Another burden is that 127 if going into unknown, many groups lose members after 10 years, some don't return after everyone finish enlistment. However, SM's bg groups have longevity, and Tae will be back after 1,5 years, a shorter time than the pandemia lasted. We survived that interruption in normalcy, we will survive this one as well.

127 won't dissapear for 5 years, they will continue to release songs. They did a whole tour without Taeil. They can make albums with absent members. Exo did that. It won't be a complete group, but, on the brighter side, it will allow for a change in highlighted members. Like TaeMark were the centre of all title tracks for a long time, or how Taeil was responvible for all big notes, now it will change.

I'm sorry, but Jaehyun better not release anything sooner than Autumn... I need time to save money... heh. There is one month break in Dream's schedule, in July. Thus I expect both units to have anniversary activities. Jae's movie will be in summer as well, won't be surprised if he will sing an OST for it. It will make sense to release a solo after the movie. End of August-October is the window, probably.

I doubt Jungwoo will get a solo next year. He is still hesitant about his vocal abilities. He came in as a dancer with a dream to entertain rather than to sing. He has been improving, the producers praise him. I think we can expect a single. Maybe an OST or a special stage for SMTown? He hasn't really started his solo path yet. He has no solo covers, not duets.

Johnny won't be a singer. Not in a soloist sense. He never improved during his time in NCT. I think he will comeback to DJ-ing this year.

Yuta will get a solo album in Japanese eventually. It could be promoted only in Japan though, with little advertisement in SK. TVXQ releases are that way. With the tour over, I'd expect him to return to Japan to shoot in another tv-series for now.

The sooner Do and Jae go to military, the sooner 127 will be back as a complete unit, actually (there is a break of few years before Woo and Hyuk). Tae and Do have a half year difference, so him leaving half a year after Tae makes sense. Although I don't know how exactly the dates are counted, but I think one has to go before turning 29?

I'm ready to sactifice DJJ this year if TaeDo go together to the same location, lol. I'm sure some members of groups serve together.

With Do's current popularity he won't be a million seller with his first solo. But we know him, the bunny always achieves his goals, he will be with his next!

Actually. 127 is way more successful and famous than I expected them to be when I joined the fandom in 2018. Back then everyone looked down on them because they didn't repeat Exo's rapid raise to fame. And look at them now, they sold albums in millions and gave concerts in NA and Europe. 127 is famous. Most importantly, they have legacy (the songs that everyone knows), they are the idols of idol-wannabees (Hanbin&Jaehyun, Ryo&Doyoung, to give an example).

Yes, 127 didn't have luck with tours. It's a fact. But then, many groups simply disbanded for good because of the covid... and most teams never give solo concerts in domes. The members achieved those dreams they had when preparing to debut.

A couple of years ago I used to think that some members will leave. However, seeing how their bond became stronger in 2022-2023, I think from now on only external factors can prevent them from continuing to be a group.

NCT isn't going anywhere. The members who won't go to the military will still have NCT U.

Heh. Everyone dreads the upcoming period, and only I sigh with a relief of "Finally, I'll have time to catch up with all the content released over the years and watch past concerts". WayV and Dream, mayhaps your time has come...

[madfantasy]

... they just up and threatened me that they'll cancel the card they gave me to work just because petty reasons.. and now I'm a knot of stress

[cupidchungha]

💭

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[ringmyheart]

hey, i was wondering if i could hv headcanons with how to fight characters? maybe when their crush's parents scold them for getting bad score at school, like that time at the end of the semester. pls do it with seong taehoon and jiyeon woo. thank you! 🥺

SEONG TAEHOON

The first thing he’s gonna do honestly is tell u to fight ur parents. U tell him about how u got a bad score and how it’s the end of the semester and the test/ur overall grade was important and he’s so used to living life the way HE wants he tells u to just. Fight them

And you’re first thought 2 say is idk how to fight? Bc what he said is just so sudden and kinda preposterous and ur upset and he’s like okay, I’ll teach u then and ur like I’m not fighting my parents 😭 and he goes okay then I’LL do it

And u have to rlly reiterate like” NOBODY is fighting my parents” first and foremost and after that he kind of just goes silent because he has no idea how to help you or what to do and u have knocked every idea he’s offered out of the park

Truthfully I don’t think he cares about grades too much for himself and this extends to you too. He doesn’t get why you’re so concerned, and his dad (I’m pretty sure form what we’ve seen so far) is really nice and laidback so it’s not like he’s ever being reprimanded so he’s also partfully angry at your parents bc they made u upset

Like rlly angry LMAO and as ur ranting to him ab how they yelled at u for bad grades he’s just like one day… one day he’s gna fight them 😐 he doesn’t make exceptions. He might tell u to tell them to watch out LMAO but he says it so dead seriously and u laugh but wonder if he’s even joking ?

He’s like okay well have u considered: running away

And u quickly dismiss that idea too bc u have nowhere to go and it’s literally just them scolding u ur like it’s not THAT srs... I’m just upset and he’s like u have a place to sta... nvm he’s not gonna b sweet if it’s not like absolutely necessary LOL

Bc of his lack of understanding or just overall interest in this kind of stuff, he just listens to u bc his advice clearly wasn’t cutting it for u.

He asks to see the grade and u hand him the test or the grade folder and it if ur grades weren’t even that bad, he’s gonna get frustrated w you and be like u have gotta b kidding me this is what ur stressed about 😐 what ur parents yelled at u for?? And he smacks u on the side of ur head and is like please tell me ur joking these are good. Anything above a C in his eyes is still really good

If ur grades were a D, he’s like neutral like okay yeah it was kinda bad but not the worst, don’t stress about it I’ve gotten tons of D’s.

And if it was an F he’s like oh okay yeah it was pretty bad like I get it. But this would just make things worse and ur like ur right I did so baaad and he’s like nonono oh no it’s not like that and he like stiffens and goes quiet when u get misty eyed I guess and wonders once again why this is so serious to you?? Who cares about grades?

He probably gets mad ur letting other ppl control ur life. We’ve seen that he hates other ppl living their lives for others or by others rules and he’s kinda frustrated at you and wishes he could just take over u for a day or something and tell ur parents off and ur talking about it and he’s narrowing his eyes at you but ur clearly upset so he’s not gonna yell at u rn. When u feel better ab this he probably will tell you to stop living by others standards but for now he’s kinda lost

He tries to convince u to rise up against ur parents and is like “are u gonna keep letting people in ur life control u?!” And it’s like a motivational pep talk and ur like “no!” And he’s like “are you gonna let THEM yell at you and hurt YOUR feelings?! Cause I sure as hell am not!” And ur getting more energetic and r like “me neither!” And he’s like “are you gonna let ur own PARENTS talk to YOU like that?!” And u go “no!!” Nd he’s like “we r sick of it!!” And u go “ya we r 😭” and then he thinks ur on board so he’s like good!! Let’s go beat ur parents

And ur like “what” and he realizes u weren’t on the same page the entire time so he eventually bedgrudginly will lie that idea go

And he tells you this, like he says it won’t matter in seven years, right?? So why does it matter? Pls cheer up and be doesnt outright say this but he’s like “don’t worry ur pretty little head about it” or something to cheer u up

If it works and he successfully consoles u he is rlly happy and doesn’t show it but he’ll shove his hands in his pockets and go “see?? I told you. I’m good at this advice thing.”

If it doesn’t, he’ll try to take ur mind off it and he probably just shows u his spinning back kick or something LMAO or take u to the dojo so u can either do stuff w him or just watch

But if u tell him what ur upset about isn’t grades but ur parents, he’ll listen to u tell him what they told u if it was mean or strict and if it’s rlly bad his eyes will go bloodshot and he’ll roll up his sleeves and be like okay let me at them then

Literally don’t even JOKE ab him beating up ur parents he will do it 😭😭 and worse thing is he’ll WIN. Don’t even be like “yeah I wish u would beat them up for me” bc he doesn’t draw the line between u joking and him actually doing it probably. Even if he knows ur joking, which he will bc he’s not dense he’ll use it against u and be like u have me permission and suddenly ur the instigator

He listens to u rant about them if u just want a listener and he can probably tell by ur body language… like If ur clearly wanting advice, he’ll offer u the best he can and will tell you to stick up for yourself or, if you’re really upset he’ll even consider talking to them for u. No fists to his chagrin but he’ll advocate for u and he won’t plan beforehand at all he’ll just say “I think u need 2 be nicer to ur child.” And will be like “this shit doesn’t even matter anyways” and will rip the test paper in front of them so this option is obviously not even a choice for you

If u start to cry he’ll first awkwardly do that thing that people do when they don’t know how to console someone and rub your arm and he’s like “Uhh, do u want water?” Bc he’s sad bc UR sad and doesn’t know what to do and it’s like what he’s doing isn’t that helpful but the tone in his voice is v consoling and comforting bc he’s suddenly kinda quiet 4 once

If ur sobbing he’ll hold u and u cry into his shirt and later he’ll talk about how you got it all wet but like when he goes home in the mirror and sees the tear stains it reminds him ur hurt and breaks his heart

He will study with you. And by studying it’s just him like sitting with you while you study. He doesn’t think you should study but if that’s how you want to solve this and feel better he’s down. He won’t read anything but if u have flash cards he will read them back to you and ask u questions and he doesn’t know the right answer himself (unless it’s math he’s probably rlly rlly good at math.) so u have to write them on the back. But he’s pretty good at helping u study

And if ur doing flash cards, he won’t tell u the answer until u guess it and he’s good at hinting to it and he gets annoyed VERY easily when ur not saying the answer u wrote on the back but bites it down

If ur parents make u stay home more and study as like a consequence of gettig a bad grade, he won’t have any of it

He will either confront ur parents and that either makes things somewhat better or incredibly worse

So if that’s what happens he’ll text u a lot and face time u in secret and call u a lot so even tho ur not together, every time u come home from school and open a book ur phone is hidden in the bend of it and ur fting and sometimes u don’t even talk he’s just FaceTiming u so u won’t b alone while u study and bc he misses u

Overall, he really couldn’t give a shit about grades but if need be, he’ll help u with urs, he’d be the best math tutor if ur looking, if ur parents lock u up a lot to study more bc they’re mad he will use any other option to see u, and he’ll try his best to console u despite not being that knowledgeable or understanding why you’re upset. His go to comfort option is distraction, but if it’s futile he’ll do whatever it is u wanna do. If u thank him for helping u he’ll kick something and will b like “yeah whatever I was just sick of u moping around.”

JIYEON WOO

He understands what’s going on with you all too well. When you tell him ur parents scolded u bc u didn’t do so hot in a test or ur overall grades this semester, it’s like his heart is a weight that drops into his stomach and ties his intestine into a huge knot. Like he feels the dread set in

He’s takes a muuuuchhhh more calm approach than Taehoon tbh, like while ur talking he won’t say a word and will listen. He is SUCHHH a good listener and especially now he’s just staring at you and nodding his head to let you know he’s listening to make sure u know that like he is there and present and if ur sad he’s sad too like u guys r a “team”

While ur venting, if u begin to cry he’ll let u and he’s more of a “rub-ur-back-soothingly” type of consoler so he’ll do that and if u half hug him he’ll continue do it but he’s looking at u w the saddest eyes in the world ☹️

Doesn’t rlly know what to do at first besides listen and b nice

He might even get misty eyed with u too bc he understands so much. But he won’t bring up his home situation at ALL, it’s like ur stage and he’s just a listener, he won’t make u feel like he’s comparing ur pain

His fist clenched at his side because he’s angry at your parents AND his and he’s imagining what ur parents said in his mind and even if it wasn’t that bad, he’s fuming

He might even offer to run away w u too and he “knows a place” 😭and ur like omg it’s not that bad but after reminiscing on his own home life he just assumes you’re as sick of it as him

If you’re his s/o, you obviously know about his YouTube streams, so that week at the end of every stream he’ll take a risk and unmute it and go “and don’t worry about grades too much, guys :)” and ur “guys”

Either that or he’ll do something so he will stop streaming completely for that week bc it might make u feel like he’s rubbing it in ur face how much he studies nd how studious he is and yes it gets him in trouble w his dad but when u start to feel better ab ur grades and u smile and he’s like “I thought u were upset?” And u say “oh, yeah… I’m feeling better now :)” it’s all worth it

Since he’s so consumed w streaming if u weren’t able to ever meet in person, and u had to FaceTime or text him, he probably spams u and u guys have to text at like 3am bc he’s studying all other hours of the day so he’s under his covers and reading or calling u

Like it goes

‘My parents got mad at me bc I got bad grades :(((‘ and then he sees the text he reads it and then again and is like oh no bc is it like his situation???

And then u go get a snack or something and go MIA during texting but he doesn’t know that so he spams u bc he thinks that maybe ur parents took ur phone and r locking u up like his did him so he’s like

‘Are you okay?’

‘Hello…?’

‘Where did you go? :(‘

‘Are you okay?’

‘Please be okay…’

‘(Y/n)?’

And if he suspects ur parents took ur phone and r gonna read this he sends things a very lengthy and persuasive text that explains why this is cruel and unusual and to PLS give u ur phone back and then it says seen and ur like it’s still me :)) I’m okay but thx for worrying 😭❤️

And he’s like ‘thank god…’

Since he’s a part of that newtube company (XY or something? I forgot HAHA), he has connections honestly??? So if you’re that torn over this grade he might try and pull some strings to improve your grade, make classes easier or to reach your parents even. Like he affects his parents’ boss which then butterfly effects to you

Assures you that grades aren’t that important, or tries to, but it’s so horrible coming from him because he has such good grades and it always is gonna feel like he’s just saying that no matter what

If he could he’d fail a test too to make u feel better and like ur in it together but his dad would MURDER him. So he just tries to tell u it’s okay and graders aren’t that bad

If ur mostly upset over the bad grade, he’s like it’s fine, and even if it’s a grade he genuinely considers bad he’ll look at it like “...” before going this is fine too!! :) and in his mind he’s like if I got this my dad would kill me but would NOT tell you that EVERRR. He’s gonna do anything to preserve ur feeling rn and the next few weeks he’s especially nice to u

Will study with you to make you feel better but it’s hard because he’s really far ahead tbh :(( like he explains assuming u already have some ground knowledge. BUT he’s really good at being patient so if ur like I don’t understand and get frustrated he’s like “oh I’m sorry!!! Here, I’ll go over it again.”

U guys start spending time at the library and when his dad questions him he’s like I’m studying and he really is and it’s like a study date and it actually ends up being RLLY fun

Might even print u worksheets and stuff and leaves nice notes on them when he gives them to u like every chapter has another ‘u can do it’ of ‘ur already here?! Omg! Ur far ahead keep going!’ And lots of smiley faces and hearts in the margins

He is not above helping u cheat. He will give u answers in school, risking being caught nd getting in trouble, like he’ll find a way to sit as close to u as possible in class and “drop” his pen besides u that just happens to have a paper inside with all of the answers!!!!

And when you see it you’re so happy and you look at him and wink trying it be inconspicuous and it’s so obvious and he’s like omg (y/n) pls… but he’s happy ur happy and ur grades improve so much bc he gets every answer right and so of course you are getting them right too

But u both plan on u getting a few wrong to avoid suspicion and he’s so happy when ur happy bc ur grades improve so he’ll start sending u the HW, too

Will send u just study notes if u don’t want to cheat and they r so good and he’ll also send u his flash cards and everything and lend u notes from the past

He knows ur YouTube username so if u start to study a lot more bc of ur parents’ scolding and watch his streams to “study” w him despite the million viewers it’s like it’s just u nd him and when u comment like “here bc my parents yelled @ me and now im trying to improve my grades” he is simultaneously v happy ur there but also heart broken

If it’s mainly ur parents scolding u ur upset about, he’ll listen to u talk about it for hours on end over text, FaceTime, call, etc.

Makes a joke ab sending ur parents to the nursing home he volunteers at to cheer u up 😭😭 it either makes u son harder or laugh

Overall, he cares LOTS about grades, but his not urs. And if ur worried ab getting a job he’s like dw I’ll cover u in the future :)) and he’s very understanding bc he’s in a very similar situation and hates seeing u suffer like that or go thru that even if it’s genuinely not that bad. If u cry his works just SHATTERS and he’ll listen to u rant and cry for hours on end. And if ur grades were actually considerably bad, he won’t tell u that, and he’ll help u improve them bc THATS his solution to it and he’s good at helping u study. If ur not up to it he will help u cheat despite the danger of getting caught, so he can see u happy again :(( he’s rlly so sad ur going thru the same thing as him and will do anything to make it better. Won’t offer to fight ur parents but if need be he might rough one of them up if things escalate to really like mentally abusive-like proportions. But if it wasn’t that bad, he’ll just console u and help u to feel better no matter what !!

(Unedited)

I hope this came out well!! I’m so happy I’m getting how to fight requests tysm for that, <3 also it ended up kinda long and I lost my train of thought a few times but this felt like an emergency request and when I read those I like when they’re rlly long bc it distracts and comforts me. If it was one I hope ur okay and know u r more than ur grades!!!! ❤️❤️ ty for ur request :))

[frogtanii]

omg 🥺 hii hiiii so like i wanna ramble as my #debut as 🎨 anon so here are just my general two cents abt pf? hehe

i know a lot of people try and empathise with meiko and how she needs help blah blah, but as my therapist used to say, sometimes it’s TRULY, GENUINELY not THAT deep; as you also confirmed that meiko’s dislike for us was something childish. it means that sometimes people are just assholes. period. it doesn’t have anything to do with their upbringing or nature. they could have the best childhood and a healthy environment with genuinely good people just as meiko is (with the boys even) but they are simply just ASSHOLES. and that’s ok!! bc not everyone needs to be 3 dimensional. like my therapist pointed out, making people seem like they have depth is only burdening yourself because sometimes there aren’t any deeper reason as to why these mfs do the things they do.

also with iwa, i liked that he was facing consequences for his actions and that he would be away from the house as tooru pointed out, managing the house sucked the life off of iwa so i think that it’s really good for him to distance himself away from that. also i notice that a lot of people blame him for his actions but let me just get one thing clear (or two depending on how y’all view it); understanding people’s drive towards their actions and understanding that you do NOT have to forgive those actions can go hand in hand. the logic that ‘jus cos someone’s abuse means they can be abusers’ being used on iwa is not cool. while his actions are definitely more effective than the rest of the housemates, he was still manipulated and tricked. ppl criticising the wrong thing just stinks of victim blaming to me and i dfw it ig?? but my point is, understanding those two and applying them CAN go hand in hand. iwa was shitty and there is not enough excuse nor reason to easily forgive him for that. and on the other hand, he was completely and utterly manipulated by someone he genuinely loved and cared about just like the rest of the boys but ig people are more inclined to forgive everyone else cos their actions was not as effective as iwa’s. i can assure u all 100% that even if it was bokuto who was manager, he would def be doing all the things iwa did. just like everyone else ignored it. they’re all complicit to our pain and suffering. they might not be directly involved with the managing but they were all very vocal with their agreement on our shitty treatment. LETS NOT FORGET OUR ROOTSSSSSS BABIES. anyways 😐 i ramble way too much aha nd these are not coherent enough cos it’s like 2 in de morning ... first day and im already annoying u hajsjsksjsk

bestie u are NOT annoying at all!!!!! i love hearing y’all ramble omg n that doesn’t change for u <333 mg brain isnt functioning rn BUT TY FOR SHARING ALL UR THOUGHTS <3343

[musashi]

sending u this ask as an opportunity for u to talk to me abt fi!! i love ur thoughts n words on things nd i don't send asks as much bc i don't have. good words to talk to u abt stuff but i rlly enjoy just. ur Passion nd stuff. autistic people r the best at talking abt stuff i stand by that we r just Epic. anyways if u wanna, i'd love to hear more about just... how fi sorta. changes, over the game? like the Little Things that show her starting 2 care abt link more, or becoming more "human"!

i love this whole ask. you’re right autistic folks r sexy as hell idk how the divine powers that be fit so much passion into my tiny body but i’m glad they made the attempt. 

ANYWAYS FI. i don’t think i’ve ever actually laid this out because for the most part it is incredibly subtle and requires a lot of filling in gaps yourself, and i think that someone who cares less abt her can probably come away from it with an entirely different interpretation. fi’s development of actual feelings are a very sudden a mysterious thing, and i have a LOT of thoughts about them going in a lot of different directions so forgive me if this answer isn’t particularly linear or coherent. i’m not just gonna talk about her slow burn into feeling things, i’m also gonna talk about... why i think it happens.

we don’t get to learn a lot about sword spirits and how they come into being, other than it takes great power to enchant a sword with a spirit/temper a sword with one inside it. hylia obviously created fi and, presumably, demise created ghirahim, and they are pretty much as opposite as two people can be with their only real characteristic in common being precision, intelligence & otherworldly loyalty to their respective masters. 

we thus don’t get to learn how much control the creator of a sword spirit has over what kind of spirit comes of it, if their personalities are organic to their experiences or crafted from the moment they awaken. what i mean by this is like... ghirahim could have been a cold, calculating AI like fi when he was first tempered and gained his dramatics over time, we have no idea how long he’s been alive in comparison to her, if his personality is so much more extroverted because he was allowed a life outside his blade whereas fi was isolated in hers for millennia. or if he just came into creation immediately ready to scream and stick his tongue in ppl’s ears.

i swear to god i’m going somewhere with this. ok. anyways.

fi in the beginning of skyward sword is, i think, how most people remember her--data-interested, icy, and detached. there is a reverence in how she addresses link from the start, even before he formally becomes her wielder, but beyond that she is calculating and precise and rarely wastes words. all of this kinda paints a picture of hylia creating fi, to me--breathing life into the spirit and willing her to be effective, be efficient, be loyal, and be sharp. when you have that image in your head, a lot of how fi operates makes sense--she wasn’t created to have emotions, because emotions get in the way of what her purpose is. hylia made a weapon and a servant, not a friend. it sucks to think about, but that is fi’s purpose.

the game is very careful, however, to show you it’s not that simple from the beginning. because hidden in Ice Queen Fi’s introduction is... a surprising amount of personality.

like this shit, where she straightup just dunks gaepora in the trash because his #Lore is out of date. it’s hysterical because you really do not know if she’s just a) an AI who doesn’t understand when she’s being kinda Rude or b) being snarky On Purpose. and that ambiguity in itself crafts this beautiful air of mystery where you, from the get go, don’t entirely know what to expect of fi all the time.

or this, which she says directly after link hesitates to accept the blade:

this scene, which people who have edgier takes on fi constantly use to paint her as intentionally manipulative, where all i see is... her using emotional validation to calm link down enough for him to take in what’s happening. a really important thing about fi is that she’s paradoxically an empath? she can read auras and detect emotion with extreme precision even if she’s incapable of feeling it herself in the beginning. so she knows everything link is experiencing here, understands that it’s holding him back, and takes care to deconstruct the whirlwind of emotion he’s collapsing under and explain to him why he can and should trust her words.

again this is all in her introductory scene. they write her very specifically to be a seemingly flat character with this... rumbling of something more going on under the surface. so much so that the first time you get to a sacred spring and fi, completely randomly, just starts skating across the water’s surface and speaking ancient poeticisms to you, you don’t question it. you’re not like hey, why is sword alexa doing a little dance? you just accept it as something fi is doing, because fi always feels like she’s at her job, and you don’t know how she acts outside of work, but you kinda feel like maybe you want to.

fi’s affinity for music is another way they insert humanity into an AI without making you think too hard about it. singing and dancing are inherently human, artforms are something we associate with the heart and soul. even teaching a robot to paint is, in itself, an art project crafted by a human hand. but you don’t really... consciously think about that, when you watch her do these things. you just kind of accept that she is this otherworldly thing guiding you. you don’t think about the contrast of this programmed assistant performing music alongside you in a sacred ritual. you’re just kind of like, yeah? i can’t JUST play nayru’s wisdom on my harp, i need someone who can sing and god put a vocaloid in my sword???

throughout the game, fi’s dialogue chains when you summon her don’t change in any meaningful way (besides based on what you’re carrying, where you are, etc) but as you near the end, there are a couple things of note. one that sticks out to me is what she says about one of the mid-game minibosses, who is also an artificial intelligence--

a lot of people laugh abt this line and make jokes about fi being hot for the tall handsome robot pirate and they’re valid. but the thing is, like, from the beginning of her mission, fi knew she’d essentially be dying once the world was saved. and early game fi has no hesitations about her part in things regardless, because, as we know, she wasn’t created to feel things like that. she wasn’t created to fear death, to grow attached to life or anyone in it, or to experience sorrow at the idea of saying goodbye. but this is mid-game fi, who still... never says anything she doesn’t deem entirely necessary, but she says this. for no discernible reason, she says this. it’s an unskippable dialogue option, one they WANT you to see and one that is different when you know where she ends up. admiration is already something you wouldn’t really expect of her, but it’s more than that--she’s longing for her own story to mirror it. by the sand sea, fi has started to realize she doesn’t want to go to sleep.

it’s another one of those moments where you’re kinda like, ‘haha, what, fi?' and then move on. another one of those moments where she kinda does something a little unexpected, but not so unexpected you question it too hard. fi excels at those.

before you go off to fight demise, fi stops you to warn you that it is the final battle, and you cannot return. and when you tell her you’re ready, she says this:

as i’ve said, fi doesn’t waste words. almost always, everything she says is for the purpose of efficiency, and rarely does she offer thoughts without fixed probabilities and ultimate endgoals in mind.

this is a sentiment.

it serves no purpose. it is purely an expression of devotion.

and because of EVERYTHING i’ve mentioned thus far, this line both hits you HARD as significant and foreboding in how suddenly tender it is, AND manages to read as in-character for her to say. because the way they write fi’s humanity is so beneath the surface, so easily missable, so hard for me to even lay out with concrete evidence despite the fact that i’m a person who reads a text dump of all her dialogue before bed every night.

but to me, what lays out fi’s inner workings best is actually her actual goodbye, and... not the moment most people would think, tbh? it’s not her tender farewell that speaks her emotions loudest to me, but the moment right before:

these lines, which would read as perfectly in character if it were early game fi, cut you. her complete and utter flippancy, the way she talks about all you’ve been through together as though it were nothing to her, the absolute coldness here after everything. you as a player feel kind of pathetic when she says this, like you were misguided in growing attached to her and thinking of her as a friend. and you KNOW thats the intended effect, because this is what link looks like:

he takes a moment in that last shot to like. swallow sadness and turn away from her, but even as he’s turning his head, he doesn’t take his eyes off her until the last possible moment. she hurts his feelings! why.

because it’s an act, is why. of COURSE fi loves him. of course she’s grown attached to him, of course she’s happy to have known him, of COURSE they’re friends. but fi was NEVER supposed to feel that way, she was never supposed to have the capability to love, and there’s no calculation she can run to set the uncertainties of that at ease within herself. so those lines up above is her trying her best to reset herself to who she was in the beginning, to snap herself back into the role of an emotionless servant to the goddess, to convince herself--not link--that saying goodbye won’t hurt. she’s trying to cope with something she has no idea was in the cards for her, and that’s why she’s seemingly so cruel for a moment.

all of this becomes apparent when she calls him back moments later and tells him how she really feels. there’s major whiplash because fi herself is Going Thru It. but essentially what’s happening in that moment is she thinks she knows what will hurt the least, but she miscalculates and backpedals and realizes even if saying goodbye hurts, it hurts less than pretending she doesn’t want to.

i think a lot of people overlook that line--“the most precious data i have on record.” fi, who contains multitudes within her. who contains knowledge immeasurable, the thoughts and feelings and stories of thousands. of civilizations, of gods, of countless ages passed. everything she holds within her is dwarfed entirely by what she feels for link, beside link. nothing in her encyclopedic knowledge can even compare to her friendship with him in the significance it has to her. like all things, fi has her own way of communicating her meanings, and this is her way of saying she really, truly loves him. 

in addition, she very carefully does this after he abandons the sword, so it’s clear that it’s of her own will, not a part of her purpose as his servant. for this whole cutscene, up until she end, she drops the honourific and calls him just Link. 

and while i see a lot of people debate if she truly does ‘feel,’ anything, like... she says it right here, she does. whether or not she was able to feel from the beginning or not, she can feel now. she has trouble putting words to those feelings, or explaining to herself and others where on earth they came from... but she feels now. that cannot be disputed.

happiness that she was able to know him. loyalty she wants to transcend lifetimes. sorrow at the idea of them having to part. gratitude that he took the chance, and did so beside her.

let’s talk about gratitude.

in skyward sword, gratitude is a tangible source of magic. it opposes malice, which as of botw is a reoccurring thing in zelda lore. skyward sword has two items--evil crystals and gratitude crystals--that represent malice and gratitude respectively. while the first isn’t entirely relevant, the second is something you’re actively encouraged to more or less harvest by helping people and basking in their thanks toward you. these feelings of gratitude are so canonically powerful in the zelda universe that they can turn monsters into humans entirely, and the outpouring of energy that event causes makes every monster & hostile creature within all of skyloft turn docile at once. 

according to batreaux, the monster in question, this is well-established legend, the idea of gratitude granting humanity to the nonhuman. skyward sword literally said the power of love was canon.

the song that plays over the goodbye, of course, is called fi’s gratitude.

this is just one theory i have on the matter, but... whether hylia intended or foresaw fi to be capable of feeling human emotion or not, i do believe it was gratitude that woke her heart up. whether she was meant to love or not, link’s spirit contained within it enough love for the both of them, enough to touch her soul and rouse her from her cold and emotionless state. as always, through everything, they work in perfect tandem--his passionate heart touches hers as it sleeps, her wisdom holds him steady and level-headed. 

when fi says “may we meet again in another life,” she says it like a prayer, because it is one--she knows hylia, knows that hylia loved link’s spirit just as she did, and knows that hylia of all people understands what the sword spirit is going through. and fi also knows that hylia immortalizes those she loves with cycles, with reincarnation, eternal life without the pain of never dying. fi doesn’t have a soul that hylia can bring back from death nor a physical body to revive, but she works with what she can--and so long as link’s spirit breathes anew, he finds fi. in a sunlit grove, with light bearing down on her, safe and warm and always loyal, even as the world rages on outside. fidelis, she was named for--“faithful.”

the fandom doesn’t really talk abt it, but fi is an angel. she’s an angel god sent to watch over one human, and when god said your mission is complete fi faced god and walked backwards into hell. her divine mission is long passed, but it stopped being about what she was fated to do long ago.

fi began to watch over link because he was her master. and fi resolved to stay forever because he was link.

[azenta]

ur really good at articulating the sx experience lol..i wanted ur thots on the sx energy burning out. if an sx user sx-ed with a thing that no longer gave them that charge they would immediately drop it nd look for something else...but how does that apply to ppl nd relationships? granted sx-users have no intention of thinking about when the charge dies out (like sx-blinds)but when it does what do they do? drop them? or do they have a convo about why they want to leave nd proceed to do so? thanky

They can do either: drop or talk it out. Because that kind of issue is more related to healthiness and maturity than the sheer IVs themselves.

Unhealthy Response

When unhealthy and/or immature, they can drop you because the spark isn't intense "enough", according to their also unhealthy perspective, or dies out "too easily", or even because it's "too hard" to maintain and it feels easier to jump to one flame to another. They can also do the opposite and rather latch onto you because it was "too good" and so keep you for very selfish reasons, revealing in them a really possessive, jealous and manipulative little bitch that do everything to keep you around and try to spark things up to the point of burning and crashing to inevitable destruction (more likely Sx dom). 

This is mainly because when unhealthy, the auxiliary tends to be either ignored as there is a distorted perception that the dominant is never satiated enough, and this leads to perceive the auxiliary as a waste of time (level 7 to 9 of health). Or the auxiliary is recognized as a tool, but used poorly at the cost of the auxiliary need itself (level 5 to 6~7). 

For unhealthy Sx/sp, it leads them to see maintenance/preservation of relationships as either too harsh to do or pointless, leading to drop and abandon relationships willingly, or they view this maintenance as so !!!IMPORTANT!!! they refuse to let the flame dies out and goes overboard to maintain the given relationship to a point it intoxicates it and ends up killing it anyway. They destroy themselves in the process, ironically.

For unhealthy Sx/so, they see bonding, reciprocation and the feeling of belonging with the given person not as important either, leading to superficial empty relationships (same for Sx/sp denying sp) and abandoning or ignoring every relationship that doesn't provide this intensity. Or they jump within every single relationships relentlessly and ignites all of them without consideration to how the other feel in it, leading to consume and burn to ashes every single one of them even before anything could happen or destroying any foundation they had. They impose their Sx in every Soc relations, rather than use Soc to seek the ones that can give Sx.

For unhealthy So/sx, they'll tune out Sx as it will be seen as nuisible (complementarity, affinities, energy/intensity), so even if the spark was still there, they'll ignore or neglect it to not restrain their Soc, or they'll start doing something slightly similar to Sx/so and start igniting every relationships crossing their way, also leading to their inevitable destruction. The difference is So/sx use Sx "fire" as a way to light up their soc relationships, to make them "stronger/spicier", while Sx/so use Soc to provide more and more fuel to Sx (as a metaphor, soc becomes the woods to make the fire that is Sx bigger).

And for unhealthy Sp/sx, as above, they'll ignore it as it will be seen as a threat to Sp, or they'll start to ignite their relationships to "test" how tough they are, leading also to destruction because they'll make it burn until it cannot anymore, so until it is turns to ashes, "confirming" it wasn't that lasting (sp concern) anyway.

Healthy Response

Now, when healthy, they can still decide to drop it, because some relationships aren't worth pursuing if it actually lacks this much Sx quality to them, or talk it out, share their expectations and needs, and find compromise or ways to make it last healthily.

Healthy Sx/sp recognize Sp as its own set of needs, and therefore also incorporates the notion that they can maintain the level of intensity (energy) in their relationship without constantly pushing for intensity (transformation). They know there are boundaries and limits to be taken into account, and that demanding "more, more and more" actually leads to the loss and destruction of the relationship, because it breaks and over push those limits. Instead of transforming they just crash. They'll realize the reason why they never were satiated is because destruction without renewal doesnt lead to the transformation (mate/merge) Sx actually seeks, thus why they kept seeking for more.

Therefore, healthy Sx/sp will not drop relationships if they see the energy lowering, and might actually retreat from it more so to let time for both party to care for themselves and come back when they'll have enough resources to light up the fire again (/to merge, mate, get that enlightening moment, which demands lot of energy and synergy). Or another cute metaphor for it, they'll go seek woods in the forest, which requires a certain amount of it and so, also some time, in order to make a fire again. So, they'll go wander in their forest.

Healthy Sx/sp learned to recognize that a relationship is built with two individuals with different needs and aspirations, thus needing to do different things at different times, and so that it needs to be considered to keep the energy flowing. It demands energy to transform through one another, this is why they learn to respect Sp as a way to prepare for those times and moments to be able to "burn" bright (/vibe/flow/transform/"mate") with their people again. To take back the metaphor, they recognized some might be faster to gain wood, some in greater quantity, other in lesser quantity in less amount of time, due to a variety of reasons, ranging from "physical" limitations to different motivations (one wanting more wood, the other less) or even contextual ones (encountering wild animals, not finding wood, etc.). And some don't care about "wood" itself and have other methods (see Sp blinds). Therefore, they stop using Sp as a way to possess and leech people of their energy, as the resource itself, they rather place boundaries between them and their chosens instead of trapping their people within them.

They might also decide to cut out some people if they deem that the synergy is rather too destructive and so, doesn't lead to transformation but rather destruction, or that it just doesnt bring anything transformative. So it is too dull and doesnt bring anything out from each other, it is too stagnant and the energy barely moves and flows. There is absolutely nothing good about keeping a stagnant relationship. They will talk it out if they are worried about the synergy dying for good, and that's where they'll resort to Sp to help Sx gains some fuel and so are likely to retreat to do their activities, and to let you do yours, and "come back" after some times of resourcing. 

Also, when they retreat, since they neglect Soc, they neglect to reciprocate and bond with people on a more lightly and regular basis, thus why they vanish for periods of time or are barely talkative or even deny any talking. But worry not, they just established boundaries they deem necessary to preserve synergy. Or if you are worried and are a soc user, directly ask them rather than make scenarios about it. Tho, when Sx/sp get healthier, they usually allow some place for basic Soc and can show some reciprocation and do some talking instead of becoming extreme shut in when in Sp mode. So, you have even more reasons to ask them some news.

Healthy Sx/so will rather learn that one person or people in general cannot always prodigue you with intensity even if they want to, thus why it matters to reach other people and create new connections. They'll learn that to enhance the intensity and make it last, bonding and reciprocating actually help and temper the flame to make it bearable all while still being intense and transforming. They'll also recognize that belonging into groups or networks help them achieve better transformation and "mating" (/merging) and that creating many connections doesn't lower the intensity they invest in some of them, but rather help balance them out. Again, with the forest metaphor, they'll turn themselves to many (groups or many unrelated people) instead of one individual at a time to gain the resources to enlight Sx faster. Or they'll light up many fire at a time to be sure to always have a flame somewhere burning. As a group or alliances, the solidarity (thx to soc) is what keeps feeding the fire more than the wood itself (Sp) for sx/so.

They'll also learn to distinguish actual transformation from destruction like healthy Sx/sp, and so will be more aware that to gain Sx they dont need "more" of it but rather need something that helps them feed it and renew it (bigger flame vs feeding and caring for the flame). So, they'll also stop using soc as an escape route the moment Sx lowers in one of their connection and use it as a way to care for Sx (running away and burning other's wood (boundaries) just to gain a flame then leaving when it dies) .

Contrary to Sx/sp, they won't retreat to let the "flame" rest but rather engage other people while the chosens are resting or doing their life, as illustrated in the metaphor above. They'll also take news and interact now and then anyways to see where the person's at and how the energy feels as of now, as a mean to give some fuel but without engaging full Sx if it still feels unstable (not enough wood /energy). Where they'll have more trouble is actually the maintenance (vs consistence for Sx/sp). Since they don't value Sp (even tho, i'll argue the healthier they are, the more they recognize value to Sp), they can tend to disappear similarly to Sx/sp and then burst out of nowhere and chitchat like you never did before to then get lost in many other connections for a while. They'll be much more volatile if Sx is not that much present to a point of feeling distant or disappearing out of the blue for unknown period of times. On that Sx/sp can be more stable when they actually come back to you, but both Sx/so and Sx/sp can become wandering ghosts since lacking in either Soc or Sp makes them unreliable with the consistency and maintenance aspect of relationships. Metaphor again; Sx/sp will wander in the forest for the longest and be willing to discuss only until they can light up the fire, while Sx/so will run around from fire to fire to take part of those fire and bring it back to you, until there is enough fuel (usually "wood" aka energy) to light it up more intensely. They'll be more often present (frequency) through in and out than Sx/sp, but also stay for shorter periods (duration), while Sx/sp stay longer but come more rarely.

So, like healthy Sx/sp, they might try to talk it out if they get worried, but will wander in other connections or choose Soc methods such as casual bonding with you if they perceive the flame is either dying or becoming too destructive, as a mean to temper the flame. They can end up cutting people out for the same reasons as healthy Sx/sp if they judge it lacks any transformative component or it is too destructive.

Healthy So/sx will learn to recognize the value of Sx as its own needs, and that having many connections can be great, but can also be awful if there is no synergy and transformative component into their relationships. They'll learn that fewer but stronger connections is better than many shallow ones, and that it doesn't restrain them from pursuing new connections but rather help them weed out the "unworthy" ones. Metaphor time: they'll recognize that having a goal (creating a fire) helps bringing more solid solidarity and create the sense of belonging. Fire reunites and make people work for the greater good.

Again, healthy So/sx will also discern destruction from actual transformation and will thus not ignite relationships that are naturally devoided of them because of their nature (ex. professional networking, it could help but it is unecessary). They'll recognize the need to choose them more carefully and be able to strengthen their connections more properly. Again, metaphor, instead of burning each pile of woods just because they believe it is what everyone need, they'll seek people that actually are ready (enough wood) and want to ignite a fire (that have the actual goal to create a fire, instead of building a house with it like some would prefer). 

Therefore, when healthy, So/sx are not likely to drop an Sx connection. However, they will not prioritize them over the Soc aspect of it, so if you are exclusively an Sx connection, you might be put aside more often. However, it doesn't mean it's because they don't appreciate you nor doesn't care, but rather that 1. They prioritize other ways of connecting that respond to another need than Sx, and it's absent with you. 2. Sx is on and off and demand a highly specific synergy/synchronicity to gain energy as much as it spends it, thus why they will also go on and off with you (small fire that barely warm you up vs moderate fire that warm you up). And like Sx dom, they can also decide to cut off the connection if the synergy is toxic or too absent, especially if it becomes nuisible to their Soc need as well. Since they're healthy, usually it means they'll communicate it and won't let you guess the relationship is dead, if it was an important relationship for both of you. So/sx can also communicate their worry about the "flame" dying, but contrary to Sx dom, it's a first "alarm" signal to tell the Soc established is about to be jeopardized as well. Since for Sx dom, if the flame dies (doesnt light up anymore despite "the wood" or the support), then the connection is dead to them for sure, while for So/sx, if Soc is still well established, Sx can be dead for a while it won't matter as much, even tho it has importance (as it maintains stronger "alliances" /and friendships).

Finally, So/sx will also have trouble to maintain and preserve their interactions like Sx/so, so they can be more likely to change circle often or prioritize newer connections over their established one. Since they are Soc dom, it's even more typical of them to be social butterflies and loosing touch with the already established, long to date relationships (they value groups, alliance or friendships that have already fire to offer, and not the wood itself). Sx aux usually is the one helping to maintain or make them last longer, until they are mature enough to let Sp be a small part of their priority too. The fire gives a reason to have wood (Sp) to cater for.

Healthy Sp/sx will come to understand Sx actually helps them better preserve themselves, because Sp alone becomes pretty stagnant, and stagnation usually means things (yourself and your life) go no where. And this doesn't help to preserve in the long run. It's like rotting from the inside. They learn that they need some flow of energy too, and therefore allow for Sx connections. Metaphor: Having a small built up place is sure great but with no fire to keep you warm, it leads to cold which can ironically lead you to be unable to cater for more woods. Cold means your body won't be optimal and suffer in its capacity to actually preserve itself. Your body need warmth. So fire helps maintaining you and actually help you produce more.

Again, they also learn to distinguish pure destruction from transformation. They'll distinguish igniting something/someone and burning it until it can no longer do because it is turned to ashes (so, destroyed and ruined) versus lighting something/someone while considering its capacity to better maintain it and still gain an interesting intensity from it. Simply put, learning to take care of a relationship (or hobby) all while knowing how to spark it and keep the spark. Again with the metaphor; they'll understand that lighting every single resources they see just to get some temporary warmth to continue their things is not as Sp neither as Sx as taking the time to dedicate a set up for a fire or an actual place (like a small cabin or housing) that can contain it and make its warmth bigger and last longer. 

Therefore, healhty Sp/sx are less likely to drop relationships when the spark dies, even less likely than Sx doms. They can do without for a while like So/sx, but they also recognize that it is important, so they'll do their possible to spark it up. They'll give it up if they see it is destructive or if it stagnates (which is another form of destruction) and doesn't serve anyone in the relationship as this also jeopardizes Sp.

However, healthy Sp/sx are still the least likely to drop for good a relationship because of Sp dominance, all while being the least likely to actually reach out and form one. Since they are soc blind, they dont see the point to reach for the sake of it. Metaphor: they don't see the point of living in a village when they can make up their own house in the wood directly, near water and all the shit you need, especially since they know how to do all that stuff themselves. They come to understand the importance of getting things or even some few people that ignite fire as it makes things easier, but still, they don't see the point of more when few do the job very well. This is why losing those few relationships is hard on them and why they dont see the point of reaching for more either. In fact, they'll often let their few relationships do the soc job for them, and so go into those villages and bring the necessary when needed. They sometimes do it themselves, but not for long since they don't care about it, until they are healthy enough to recognize it actually makes things even more easier for their Sp and Sx concerns. 

Also, a little note for Sx blinds; reminder they also have Sx, because blind spot =/= not having the said instinct, and so they will have those "transforming/enlightening/flowing mergy" moments too, they just don't seek them nor deem them as important as soc and sp. In other words, with my sweet, sweet Ni metaphor; they value more building a house, even villages with woods and other resources, with the aid of communal (reciprocation, belonging, etc.) effort, than catering for fire itself. 

That's it. Sx blinds are not empty shell devoided of energy and fuel, they are FULL of it, they just dont see the point in pursuing it for its own sake (METAPHOR: the fire comes naturally from the effort of the number and the establishment of houses and villages = fire itself is not as important, and it is required in less intensity to do the job, even if it still helps out).

I'm pretty sure i answered beyond what you asked, but i hope you managed to find your answer in all that text lmao

[jungxk]

// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

[ecoamerica]

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[sunflowerhae]

-> you’re mesmerized ✉

-> love! triangle (Jeno, Renjun, OC)

-> ♡ ☾ ✓

playlist• heather, conan gray/Something, The Beatles/ flowers in december, Mazzy Star/ A BOY IS A GUN*, Tyler the Creator/ love again, nct dream/ soft universe, AURORA/ butterflies, kacy musgraves•

──────── ❝ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 ❞

•December 3rd plays in your mind as u and Jeno stand by his locker on the first day back to school from winter break.

•although it was a month ago, u still remember it like it was yesterday

•u and Jeno had gone to the fair in your town

•the last one of the year. They called it the winter festival

•basic

•but ur friend group had a tradition of going together.

•everything was going fine, until you and Jeno had broken off from the group to look at the phat christmas tree.

•you had forgotten a sweater, and Jeno was more than willing to give u his, along w one of his famous eye smiles

•u swore up and down (In ur own head) that that was the day you knew you liked (loved) him

•Jeno couldn’t stop staring at you in it. And when u turned to him, all he said was

•”it looks even better on you than me.”

•and then he kissed u

•yeah

•so this is love

•you thought something would happen when you went back to school that Monday.

•but nothing came. Just Jeno refusing to meet ur eyes

•or talk to u://

•Jaemin said it was because he was scared and that you just needed to be patient

•u accepted it, and waited for the day he kissed u once more

•by Christmas break, y’all were back to being best buds™️

•and you thought maybe when Y’all returned for school, he would have worked up enough nerve to seal the deal w you

•but on that first day back

•in front of his locker

•Jeno locked eyes on the new girl, heather, for the first time

•the way he looked was absolutely beautiful.

•he had wide, open eyes

•and he couldn’t stop staring at her as she walked by and Laughed at something her tour guide said to her.

•yeah, he looked absolutely mesmerized

•but it wasn’t directed at you

•and you knew you lost him

•by lunch, heather was in your group

•turns out Jeno had history with her. And he wasn’t as “scared” as Jaemin said he was at making moves

•all the boys loved her, and while you really wanted to hate her

•u couldn’t deny that she was an absolute angel

•she had an eye smile, like Jeno

•and dimples

•and long, beautiful eyelashes

•and a beautiful laugh

•and she could keep up w haechans jokes, and chenji so easily called her noona, something they never did w you

•Jaemin tried flirting w her, but Jeno looked so protective over her, that Jaemin turned to you and shrugged while wrapping his arm around u

•u wanted to throw up when heather politely asked u and Jaemin how long u had been together

•and Jaemin threw his arm off u, and made gagging noises while the rest of the table laughed

•heather got red, and mumbled an apology to you while bowing.

•You wanted to hate her, you wanted to yell at her. But then, ppl would know that you liked Jeno. Jeno would know. And that was too embarrassing

•so you smiled at her, laughed, and shook your head while holding up a hand

•”Jaemin and me? Please, I’d rather die a lonely virgin with 50 cats”

•Heather laughed, and scooted closer to you, and said “it’ll be so nice to have a girl friend!”

•yes, u wanted to throw up.

•but u just wrapped your arm around her, like Jaemin did to u

•and reassured her that you two were already getting married, while she laughed

•over the course of the next two weeks, she spent more and more time with ur group

•and in three weeks, it was no longer just you and jeno by his locker every morning, but you, Jeno, and heather

•you and her were talking about how terrible the lunch food was

•when Jeno came up, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder Before giving her a kiss on her forehead, to which she blushed furiously for

•your mind went back to four nights ago, when heather scream texted u (“JSNSISHEVRB”) that Jeno had drove over to her house with milkshakes, took her to a park, and asked her to be his gf

•u cried all night, four nights ago

•after he says hello to u, y’all three talk for a while before the bell rings.

•Jeno and heather start walking towards class, talking about some random thing, while u walk slower in the back, basic third wheel style

•you couldn’t stop staring at their interlocked hands.

•u felt bad. Because heather had easily become ur best girl friend

•but u loved her boyfriend

•and u lowkey wanted her to die

•:/

•u felt like this wasn’t fair.

•u had known Jeno far longer than she did

•why did she get him?

•your thoughts silently went on like this for three more months after this incident.

•May 1st.

•every 1st, your group developed a routine of going to this cafe, just down the street from haechans house

•you would all order milkshakes and fries and sometimes burgers or onion rings

•and you would all just have a good time

•you were feeling a lil down today

•heather had told u that her and Jeno kissed for the first time, and said they loved each other

•to make literally all matters worse, she was wearing the sweater Jeno had let u wear, all those months ago

•the pain in ur heart had numbed. It didn’t hurt so bad anymore everytime you saw them w interlocked hands, or w his arm around her, like now, where they sat across from you in the half circle booth.

•you couldn’t stop looking as ur usual waiter, Jane, came up.

•”hey y’all, I hope you don’t mind, but we have a new worker that needs training, and since y’all are so sweet, I figured he could practice on you? Is that okay?” Her sweet southern bell accent made it hard to say no, not that your group of friends would anyway.

•u actually knew Jane quite well. She was in ur grade, and sat next to you in art.

•u loved her honestly

•u also loved how the blush on Haechan’s face increased, and he couldn’t look up to meet the sweet red heads eyes, which were actively looking at the young boy

•ah, young love

•u made a mental note to talk Haechan up to her tomorrow in art (which you texted Haechan under the table, and he looked up at u in surprise with a smile on his face)

•when u looked away from Haechan, up to the new waiter standing in front of you with a shaky voice and nervous eye

•u felt like the air was sucked out of u

•oh my God that’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen

•you knew u looked mesmerized

•wide eyes, open mouth

•u looked like jeno, three months ago

•jeno saw this

•he didn’t say anything, but he saw it

•tbh, jeno did like u on december 3rd

•and he was going to tell u he liked u on the first day back, after break

•but heather was,,

•amazing

•the one thing he ever needed

•his soulmate, he thinks

•that didn’t mean he still didn’t care for u

•but when u so willingly befriended heather, he thought u were okay

•so he never questioned it

•but the way you looked at the waiter,,

•he thought you looked mesmerizing

•so he was going to help u, bc u deserved it

•when the waiter got around the table and finally turned to you to ask for ur drink, he locked eyes on u and

•my man dropped his pencil pad

•he got so red, and went to pick it up, but halted when you started giggling at him

•he sent a smile ur way, then went to reach to get the pad

•renjun had liked u since freshman year

•he hated biology, but ur beautiful smile and the way you threw your head back when you laughed made it waayyyy more bearable

•he had never talked to you, and barely saw you when sophomore year came around

•but that didn’t mean he didn’t think abt u

•u were literally always on his mind

•he was so excited for Advanced Art 3 this year

•he had heard there was a lot of portrait drawings

•and he had gotten marked down before for drawing you for assignments when he wasn’t supposed to (not by much doe because they were THAT good)

•so he was excited to freely be able to draw u

•but bruh when he walked in and u were

•THERE

•ugh he was sad

•not that sad tho bc

•u were THERE

•he saw u a lot with the only other girl in ur friend group, so he felt too embarrassed to say hi

•but he promises his bsf, mark, that he would have if u were alone,,,

•all the damn time

•(mark don’t believe him doe, i agree)

•he had never looked directly into ur eyes

•which is why everytime he drew u, he felt like the eyes were wrong

•so wrong

•but he couldn’t place what it was

•but having u look into his eyes now

•my god he was so excited to go home and draw u

•but u,,,u were not excited

•bc wtf just happened

•u,,at the time,,didn’t know u had just met the loyl

•bc u had only ever really liked jeno before

•u decided to push that shit D O W N

•but jeno

•he was like “nah”

•he had said that he wanted to pay, and before anyone could argue (k like anyone would argue) he grabbed the bill and shuffled heather out of the seat so he could get out

•he grabbed her hand and walked towards the cash register, where jane was standing

•when u saw them holding hands it,,weirdly didn’t bother u

•all u could think abt was that beautiful waiters smile

•jeno and heather walked up to jane nd were like

•”jane, 🅱️ls get our waiter, we have to play cupid.”

•renjun: comes out from the kitchen

•jeno: “y/n, the girl sitting over there? yeah, this is her number”

•jeno: slides over the bill, w ur # written on it (he put it in the section that said “Tip_______” bc he thought he was funny. like, ur tip is a whole ass gf)

•renjun: blush

•jeno: “just tell her who u are bc she doesn’t know we’re doing this but we can tell y’all like each other uwu”

•renjun: huh *sweat*

•jeno: “mkay byeyeeeee”

•renjun indeed did text u that night

•after texting mark first (“JAJSNSNDBSBDBD BRUH GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED” “new phone who dis” “MARK DIS IS SERIOUS DIENDJAJSB”)

•and mark coached him through what to say

•so naturally, renjun looked like a fucking idiot

•but u thought it was cute uwu

•and u were sharpening ur ax to literally murder jeno uwu ❤️✨🌙😌

•when renjun asked u if u wanted to go on a date uwu

•and u were like “ummmm yeth”

•u agreed y’all would over the weekend

•but yet

•when u walked into art the next day and bumped into a rando

•and looked up

•and you and renjun locked eyes

•u had a feeling y’all would be hanging out sooner than the weekend

•the thought had u smiling wide while you said hello

fin.

──────── ❝ end ❞

[1eos]

i saw you talking about your favorite signs from each element and as a cap woman i feel flattered. however, why is that? most people say capricorns are like devils

i love capricorns nd some of my favorite ppl in the world are capricorns! nd honestly? from my personal experience everyone who says they hate capricorns (nd virgos) ARE the problem. capricorns tend to be very firm abt their boundaries nd try to come off confident nd ppl hate that. like im serious. once u have firm boundaries ppl will hate u bc they can’t take advantage of u or they’re jealous that they can’t do that. plus capricorns are really guarded nd from what ive observed ppl latch on to them nd put them on pedestals nd bc caps are connected to saturn theyre very serious nd they dont think theyre worth a lot of the praise they get (their are exclusions ofc normally men) so they get uncomfortable when ppl try to treat them like gods instead of ppl nd they are very reserved with their feelings nd a lot of ppl don’t care to actually pay attention to the obvs signs a cap is putting out so they get angry that the capricorn isnt accommodating. my best friend is a capricorn ive been able to read her so easily but a lot of ppl project that she’s mean or frigid just bc they don’t care that she’s a bit reserved w new ppl. ofc ive met caps i didnt like but for the most part theyre better than all the other signs bc i can respect their boundaries nd understand that they arent gonna be my best friend after a week of knowing them. nd a lot of the ppl that claim they cannot STAND capricorns tend to be ppl who over step boundaries, play the victim, etc etc nd that’s why they dont like caps

[dojae-huh]

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1hT1UbrC9d/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

"Evryone should be happy without a fail, but I wish good people a happier year!"

This is what he shared on New Year's Eve… and it's stuck in my mind. Just like you said, Doyoung is kind, but he shouldn't let others take advantage of his kindness or see it as a weakness. What I mean is, he mentioned that everyone should be happy in 2024, but good people should be even happier. It's clearly shows that his own character. He's kind, so he wishes happiness for everyone, but he's not naive enough to forget that there are some bad people out there. He won't forget about them, even though he wishes them happiness. He also wants more happiness for the people he considers good..He can just write it as like evryone should be happy..whatever in his head doesnt matter , weather we fans knows it or not..thats it..nd it would be great for his idol image..but he pointed out the fact that he wish more happiness for good people, as he indirectly telling ppl if u r not good then my wont get you....he is an idol he cant criticize or judge openly, but his way of showing this kind of things amazes me like wow!! He is really amazing...without hurting anyone he said the matter simply..and I love the way he expressed it.

I know..i am exaggerating simple things, but this is got on my head nd I just wants to share it with you..nd staning him these all days makes me feel like I'm getting to know his amzing character more and more. That's why I agree with you when you say he's kind but won't let it become a weakness. He'll have the courage to say no if he wants to, and his kindness won't hold him back. Nd yes ofcrs he is mentally really strong thats why he can take care of ppl around him..nd I really admire that....🦋

Link

What you said.

Do you know this image of wrathful angels? An angel with a sword, a soldier of Heaven? I think it's more of a modern fiction construct. If Doyoung is an angel, like his fans like to call him, he is that kind of righteous and judgemental one. He can and will slay those who do wrong. Taeyong forgives his antis, Doyoung doesn't.

There are many ill-meaning people who take advantage of naive and kind people. We have a saying "kindness is worse than theft" and another one "kindness should have fists". Yes, one shoud be kind, but only to those who deserve it. If a person, after receiving help, stays ungrateful or continues to ask for more doing nothing to pay back, then that person should not be given anymore help. It's also not enough to just be kind and nice, a person needs knowledge, goals, interests, beliefs, otherwise he won't do well in life.

Doyoung's kindness is his strength and not weakness because he also has ambition, judgement, hiw own morals. He charms friends but can give enemies a scare (like with sasaengs). He also can protect others (like the way he told those who attacked Taeyeon with dating rumours off), not just show them kindness with words, being empathetic ("oh, you poor thing").

His judgmental side has its downside, he is vindictive, but his intellegence lets him acknowledge it and learn to be careful.

Doyoung saying those words in the NY message is his righteousness and vindictiveness bleeding out. He can't really lash out, but he still wants to sya something back. It's similar to how he exposed that teacher who didn't stop Do's bullies in his class during middle school. He didn't directly blame him, but he insinuated that the teacher was wrong with his pacifying tactics (it's not a big deal).

Doyoung is easily swayed by emotions for day to day things (something going wrong, him being tired, his perfectionism and dissatisfaction with himself), that's when he needs the emotional support from Jaehyun, Taeyong, Haechan. On the other hand, he has a stronger foundation, an iron core, and big things (antis hate, stage fright, deep rooted insecurities) don't shake him too much, he can overcome them on his own. That's where he can support his friends, be the pillar for them. Like during the time of Jae's scandal.

[strangetownsayit]

ok so um.......... .. . . ..

 i had a really bad time, went crazy and deleted all my maurice fics. Yes I have them in my notes and if someone wants them, I can send them to them, but still. i no longer feel confident about You Don’t Own Me and To a Happier Year.

but i feel bad and guilty bc then i remembered someone who left a very nice comment in my fic. maybe ill rewrite everything and publish it again, but not today and certainly not tomorrow. so ill explain my outline for the two fanfics cus i already had a ending in mind

before anything-- do i plan to write more maurice fanfic? the answer is yes. i hyperfixate very hard on maurice so ill never stop, but ill try not to make it public till i trust my bilingual capacities

 so, You Don’t Own Me

Percival Darsey is a young man who spend time in Penderleigh’s after having an encounter with Anne in the village next to Penge. He becomes Clive’s pupil bc of Anne’s desire, and so Percival bounces between them (wanting clive’s attention, then wanting anne’s)

Clive doesn’t really care about Percy’s attraction to Anne, bc he was sure it was silly love-at-first sight stuff. It was supposed to be explained later that Percy was really naive when it came to love. I actually had some dialogue written in my phone’s notes app to show how percy views were when it came to love and how easy it was for him to fall in love:

“I can’t do nothing but leave it to take me, Mr. Durham”, said Percy gently, with his back resting against the black slate of the roof; the light rays of sun --whose bright, blinding face was hiding behind clouds-- were worth coming the next day. “When someone smiles back at me, when someone touches my shoulder to get me out of the way, when they wish me a good day; I fall in love too easily, with many people. Approximately five times a day.”

“Many people?”, Clive laughed. “You mean, many women.”

Percival contemplated the sky a while.

“No,” he finally said, “many people.”

 Percival was supposed to be Clive’s opposite: excited about loving and be loved in return, excited to be discovered and being so happy with himself, he can barely hide it.

But when Percival got infatuated with a man, an acquaintance of Clive, Clive started to snap, to wander, to ask questions he could’ve never asked before. But Percival had nothing to hide anyways, and this would make Clive distant

Resume: with time Percival would’ve become closer and closer to anne’s circle, and thus he would’ve grown tired and exhausted. Bc Percival is autistic, and he has very little spoons (a metaphor about being autistic), meeting new people every day, being dragged to social compromises and being treated as some sort of servant that these rich ppl needed for entertainment, he would’ve suffered a meltdown and avoid Pendersleigh for a while

But bc Percy is not dumb, he would’ve returned bc he needs to eat, and bc of his neurodivergence he couldn’t keep jobs that were mostly aimed to neurotypicals. So when he came back, he decided to stay in Clive’s side. He found comfort in his cases cus all he needed to do was ignore Clive and sleep and little lol. And so this was supposed to be the first step to develop their relationship: Clive being interested in percy now that he has discover Percy likes men as well, Percival feeling drawn to Clive. They get to know each other and eventually, they fall in love.

But ofc everytime Clive perceives a hint of flirt, he panics and back off, bc hes an I—HSHFS- NOO- WAIT—LMAO DLFAOF—IM SO SHY--- gay, and Percy is a ;)) bisexual, so they keep flirting a good part of my outline.

But then BOOm I planned Mrs Hall to visit clive. And so clive wouldve remembered everything with Maurice, feel bad, and reject percival once for all. Percival cries a lot and anne thinks he is sick bc he has an uncontrollable sobbing, but then he escapes again

Clive has some awful months and Anne notices. She knows, but at the same time, she doesn’t: she knows Percy and Clive had a cute dynamic and relationship, she knows they loved each other, but she cant notice the homoerotism they had, and so she goes on looking for percival

I shpuld add that even tho I didn’t outlined this, there was a subplot exploring Anne’s bisexuality. I was working on how to do it when I deleted the fanfic

She finds Percival and discovers that he lied this whole time: his real name is Daniel Darcy, son of Mrs. Darcy, a middle-class woman who fell in disgrace after her husband escaped with his lover. It is revealed that Percival has many brothers and is the youngest of all, being 22. It is also revealed that he have been running away from home and coming back since he was twelve. His mother openly talks shit about Percy and it is hinted that Percy is a  Bastard, a product of a love affair.

There was a silly joke I had in my notes app:

“Many years ago, Mr. Darcy ran away from us, in the gay nineties”, he spat, struggling with laughing and bitterness. “Gay, my mother hates the word, just like she hates me and everything that is stunning.”

Then Anne wouldve told Percival about Clive but he wouldve stop her and ask her to go. But he wouldve return to penge a few weeks later cus he a dumbass who doesn’t value himself. Then he and clive wouldve kissed in the rain while he sees percy in the darkness of the night at penge’s garden, but then percy wouldve been like “lol bye” bc he just wanted to let clive know that he loved him too and that he would be back in the morning.

Fluffy ffluffy fluffy flufly

Then BOOM Maurice makes an appearance, telling clive everything about what happened with kitty, then asking for money lmao so he and alec can look for another place, and he tells clive that didn’t anywhere else to go. At fisrt Clive says no but then percy manages to persuade him into helping Maurice, who is surprised to see Clive with a man. Clive and Maurice have a nice chat, clive apologizes and cries and then the next day Clives calls Risley and cries too and say something like sorry I wasn’t there for you yoy didn’t deserved to go through that and it was so unfair, and then he -in  a very subtle way- apologizes to anne. And thus Clive is clean of guilt

But then Clive and Percival have a fight bc he wants to participate in Clive’s life but Clive refuses. Angsty angsty angsty. Percival reveals he was promised by his mother his part of the heritage if he married and became a proper gentleman. He tells clive he will accept his mother offer if clive keeps being ashamed of him

Clive wants to be with percival but he sees himself in another drama, so he does what is easier: letting Percival go.

But percival didn’t expected that shit to happen ?? as extra as he is, he thought clive wouldve comfort him and kiss him. .. .. . . .

Bc he doenst know anywhere else to go, and doesn’t want to get married and hates his mom and he would hate it if he became clive, he goes with Maurice and Alec CUS HE WANTS THEM TO BE HIS DADS ¿’¿’’93 me too bitch get in the line

So advices advices advices. Percival has a clearer mind and he runs his way up to penge

So kisses kisses kisses, he and Clive are in love nd stuff. JUMP TIME, Maurice and alec live in France and they are Percy’s and Clive’s neighbors. Anne is looking for adventures and kisses many women and many men. Everyone is happy YAY I can cope

TO A HAPPIER YEAR

Ok I am a little tired I want to sleep jdswiow io

So Clive’s durham first love. Fluffly fluffly fflufy

It cover events during the movie (clive being tired of bullshit after Christmas vacs).

Bc clive is an asshole, he ignores Quinn (his first love and stuff]) and quinn wants to know why he is being pushed aside and why is clive so distant. But then he discovers it and wish clive luck

JUMP TIME they are both in their 36 and clive is miserable during a trip in Italy. They both meet during said trip, reconnect romantically,  and HAPPY YEAR YES EVERYTHING IS HAPPIER THE YEARS HAPPY ENDING WHATEVer. I swear it is cuter Im just very sleepy now lol