#wish i'd been able to get our super old one to work but it was cooked 😔 oh well at least i got to harvest it for parts

[risingsunresistance]

it started raining, gonna make a pathetic attempt to farm since that requires very little mouse movement

[swashbucklery]

I didn't want to ask something you've already answered before, so I searched your blog but only found one brief mention about why you didn't watch it. Cool :) But i'm just curious, have you seen some of the avatrice gifs from Warrior Nun? Do they seem like a ship that might appeal to you if you had been able to finish the show? I had resisted them for awhile but finally decided to check out some of their scenes and yea, i definitely understand it now

Anon, trust me when I say I have been made fully aware of a) the existence of Warrior Nun, b) the existence of Avatrice, and c) the fact that it is full of Complicated Pseudoreligious Gay Yearning and d) that there are gifs.

I have lots of mutuals that are having a really nice time liking Warrior Nun, and I wish them all the best? It is just super not my thing, for no real reason that I can pinpoint, it's just - blah to me.

(Actually this is not true, I have a hair trigger for fake gore and there is a shot early in the pilot where like a magic thing just fucking shreds through someone's torso in visceral CGI blood spraying everywhere detail and to be honest no lesbians are worth that to me.)

I'm not sure if I'd like them outside of the context of the show, because for me those are the same thing. I don't ever get into ships just through cut scenes, I have to dive into the world those characters are in to connect.

I am still deep in the Willow hole (wocka, wocka) and will be for quite a while, because the writer's strike isn't getting any overer and it ticks literally every one of my narrative boxes as though a five year old mashed all the buttons on the elevator to my heart.

The things that are doing it for me for Willow are:

the total lack of a modern setting, so I don't have to figure out how to reconcile the new media trend of pretending all things are set in a COVID Never Happened AU despite the fact that it is the crushing shadow looming behind all of our realities, the cognitive dissonance gives me hives

(do i want dumb tv shows to tackle COVID absolutely not but it's weird that we're just like yeah in this show it's 2023 and the past 3 years were exactly like 2019 was don't uhhh worry about it)

like it's just so fucking weird IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD and i know some of this is production cycles but we were watching the last movie in the To All The Boys series and she graduates in 2020 and I could not get it out of my head the choice!!! Like that year and date will not be indelibly linked to A Time and yet I also see how you can't change that story to include COVID and also I know how media timelines work but it is so fucked up WHY

::What A Time To Be Alive by Fall Out Boy plays softly in the background::

anyway

uh

SWORDS

the ability to have both a Canon WLW Ship as well as Several Other Fun Non-Canon WLW Ships

not one but three main characters that i have imprinted upon like the most impressionable of baby geese

complex narratives about growth and hope and fighting adversity and the way that all of those struggles are secretly love

balls to the wall dumb fantasy tropes used without a whiff of self-referential irony

the actors touch objects in the world

room to have 80 million intricate textile headcanons and play with frilly bits of worldbuilding like a 19th century dandy constructing ships in bottles

a fandom that hits the sweet spot of large enough to have steady content and community, yet small enough that i can fully curate ship drama out of my habitat

[athunderstryke]

my grandparents have recently both passed away and my dad is currently remodeling their house with the intention of selling it. they lived countries and continents away so I didn't get around to visiting them all that often but from the times that I did, I remember that house and I remember that they lived there. I asked my brother, who is much older than me and spent a lot more time growing up in the house, if he is sad that the house is being changed and we may never go in it again. He hasn't been able to visit at all in the past years even though he constantly wishes he could so I thought he would be sad. But it surprised me when he said that he doesn't mind about the house, he plans to visit the graves. I realized that I did not think that way. Because to me, their memory, their soul, isn't with a rock I've never seen before. It's in my memories, in the house. It's when my grandma helped me wash and hang my laundry to dry from the apartment window, its where my grandpa would joke around and tell me he can summon rain by singing when we were walking through the hallway. Revisiting these memories, seeing the worn out wood floors, the sun bleached rugs, the china collections, and the old old tv, that would be more impactful for me in remembering them.

But all of this is different for my dad. To him, he's getting peace and closure with clearing out the house. He didn't have the best relationships with his parents, so changing the house and getting rid of it is his way of lifting the past traumas off his shoulders. In a way it was exactly the same for me here. Since my dad has been gone for years to take care of my grandparents and now fix the house, us here, my siblings and I, have been remodeling my dad's house with the intention of renting it while he's gone. This house was where I grew up. Played with my toys running all around, stuck glow in the dark stars and paper moons on my walls, etched my height into the door frame. But also, this is the house where I'd drop everything I was doing and freeze to try to hear why my parents were yelling. This was the house where the dinners would be tense. This is the house where I was lectured that I shouldn't listen to pop music. This is the house where I began to be obsessively germaphobic, because that's what my dad was. But also, this is the house I lived in when I had the most friends, the entire street were mostly kids my age and we would all play, go to the park and play lava tag, play in the mountain wilds, turn our front yards into potion shops and super hero hangouts. This was the house I bravely learned to lose my baby teeth. The house where my mom would teach me to cook and sew. But also, this was the house where my dad was always by his computer, typing away at his book or arguing with someone online about politics. The house I was homeschooled in cause real school didn't work for me. My mom tried her best but I was difficult and I would cry and yell because I just couldn't understand math. This was the house I loved and hated and would never want to live in again. So of course I wanted it remodeled, I wanted that white-ish yellow walls my dad painted when we first moved in to be gone. The beige matted carpets that never got vacuumed after me and my mom moved out completely ripped out. The lights changed, the countertops, the banisters, the front door. Change everything, replace Theseus's ship one plank at a time. We threw out old things and shoved all my dad's stuff in a storage unit. Now there are new people living there. But with so much stuff changed, I realized the memories still remained. The house looks different on the inside but the layout is still the same, the kitchen where my dad jokingly said he'd kill me if I was gay is still there, the bedroom I cried in and couldn't sleep cause I anxious about something or another. The outside is the exact same. The backyard where my dad planted trees we took care of cause he'd leave. My friends houses are still there even though every single one of them has moved away. You can change the ship's planks all you want, making it technically a different ship, but in Theseus's mind, it will always be the same ship.

Not sure what the intention of this post was. Supposed I wanted to draw parallels and underline history repeating itself in my family. Maybe for the first time in many years I am starting to understand my dad and not really hate him in my angsty teenage way. Everyone has their unique upbringing causing a butterfly affect for the rest of their lives and affecting their children. he was raised in the soviet union, his country experienced famines, money in banks was lost, he did everything he could to get his family out of there, they moved around until getting a scholarship into an American college and being able to comfortably move his family to the US and then I was born. I understand the stress he lived through, I understand that there are some things I don't understand. I understand that I won't ever forgive him for some of the things I grew up with. But I also understand that he loves me, he doesn't know how to love me, cause his love can be stressful and suffocating sometimes, but he loves me. And I am making my peace with that, I am moving on. Because even if you don't agree with someone, they have a negative effect on your mental health, and you wished they raised you better, they still deserve to be understood.

my life and circumstances may be different than yours, but I still wish my thoughts here helped you be able to make peace with your own life.

[horce-divorce]

Update for interested parties: the last few days were frought, the situation in Wisconsin was not what we had hoped it would be at all once we got here, and it ended up not working out. Too many people with not enough space and too many clashing needs. it ended up feeling very unsafe for everyone.

We're staying with a different friend instead now, and today their mom/owner of the property not only said we could stay here for the winter if we need to, but also was scheming to try and find us a pop-up trailer this morning which we were totally blown away by, she's wonderful. We still want the kind of mobility where we could take off again at a moments notice, so I'm sorting that out, but we're with friends and thankfully not in a rush to leave again anytime soon.

i'm not sure if a camper is what we'll end up with. It isn't quite as stealthy as i'd like (if we need to urban camp at all it doesnt really work), but it would certainly add a lot of space and be more than doable, and Bel really liked the idea. If that doesn't work out, I'll look at trading our current vehicle for a used camper van in a comparable price range. I've never done that before but I have time to do research.

Thanks to the donations this week, we were able to fill the tank and get Bels meds on the way out here, which was such a huge relief. That gives us at least another month to try to find a prescriber for another refill. We also got a great haul from the food pantry out here, which was fun because the lady we're staying with actually runs it and it's inside an abandoned building.

the pantry was already in the building when it wasn't abandoned. my friend's mom took it over and was allowed to keep it in its original space, but everyone else moved out. My friend had the keys, so they took us in thru the back and this series of totally unlit, crowded corridors with random appliances, furniture, books and clothes, all of it donated. it was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I asked to go back to take more pictures, which is why the 2nd pic is lit better.

Their house is also really cool. It's an old farmhouse, much bigger, with fewer people here, and we have a proper room upstairs rather than in an unfinished basement. there's a super comfy bed in here, too. I actually haven't had back pain in the morning here, for the first time since my surgery in May!

Also, absolutely wild shit in the world of drugs: nary a weed dealer to be found in this area, because delta 8 has completely taken over the market. I was deeply unimpressed when I tried it a few years ago, but my friend got us a live resin hhc/cbd/cbg/thcp cartridge and........... I am stoned. Like PROPERLY stoned. I haven't been this properly stoned since like 2013. It does kinda give me a headache, but it also helps the pain and gives me munchies and helps me sleep just like real weed. I even remembered my dreams a bit better than with d9.

Anyway I'm very grateful for my queer community today, for my friends mom who has come to my rescue more times than my own mom, and for everyone who's been invested, sending us money, advice, locations to scope out, items, and links; everyone who's been reblogging; and even everyone who's just listening to us talk and post, watching quietly from the sidelines.

We still have to go retrieve the rest of our stuff from the last place (on Monday), and things always change in an instant. We still have a lot of complex feelings, and this week was especially hard for Bellamy. He's never been through all this before this year, and the 19th was the anniversary of his worst trauma, losing the only good and loving person in his life 6 years ago. To be kicked out specifically on that anniversary was brutal. it made me wish I'd never brought him here. I really thought we'd be better off with that friend than on our own for the winter, and I made a mistake.

But we will still be okay. For now, we aren't alone, we're with good friends in a safe place, we've got food and meds and gas. We even have another place to stay if we change our minds. We check in with each other and process our feelings multiple times per day. It's still hard to get used to coming and going all the time; we stay in one place just long enough to get comfy and then we take off again, which is never long enough form a routine. So we're trying to learn how to do that for ourselves, based on our own needs, rather than around the location. But we're getting used to that, and each other's habits. When I go out to the car for supplies it smells like home in there.

It's hard feeling like we don't belong anywhere, like strangers care more about our wellbeing than our actual families. My dad did give us the car, and six months of insurance. He even renewed my license for me. But neither of my parents checks in on me, asks where we are or how we're doing. My mom seems to be getting more reactionary in her old age; not only did my transition cause a rift between us, she's now doubling down on trying to "cure" my autistic cousin when she knows that for both of us (and for Bel), our autism is a source of pride. She knows my disabilities and neurodivergence are what started this housing instability 10 years ago. She knows my health has been worsening. She doesn't text or call. All of you following this story on here know more about how and where we are than she does.

But times like this show us who our real friends and family are, and it's not the people who've left us to our own devices out here. It's everyone who's been stepping in to ask, "How are you doing? Can I send you anything? Do you need to talk? I love you. I want you to make it." The random guy we met hiking who never told us his name but who told us, "I hope you guys thrive. I really do." It's everyone who's sent us another $10 for our supplies because I haven't spent long enough in one spot to get any work done. It's the people who have never even met us before who offered to take Bel's cats indefinitely, or to let us come stay with them across the country. It's everyone who's pitching together to buy us more time when we need it. Everyone who sees us and bears witness and feels something about it.

At the end of the day, we sort of are choosing this lifestyle; if we wanted out, we would have to stay in one place longer than winter, get jobs, save money, find our own housing. But we kind of don't. Despite the hardships, despite what this journey is revealing about ourselves and the people we thought we could trust, we feel like it suits us to live out of the car. We go where we want, when we want. We don't have to answer to anyone else's schedule. If we want to go south or west when it's cold and visit our friends, all we need is the gas money and the OK to come over. We love the woods and we love living out there. It feels distant and lonely sometimes, but so right. We like getting to bounce around and meet each other's people. We want to see the old growth and the redwoods and the mountains and the seaside and the grand canyon. We want to go to Cuba and Vietnam and Iceland and Denmark. Maybe our health won't allow for us to do absolutely everything we want, but working underpaid jobs and paying rent absolutely won't allow for it. We have a better chance at our dreams now. We can lose our place to stay again and be fine and just keep going; it's not the end of the world. It's what we planned on doing, anyway. No big deal.

Living in the car has already allowed us to do more and have more adventures in just 3 months than we did in 2 whole years of us both being housed. We do have a lot to process emotionally and there's a lot on our plates; it's hard, and we do need a lot of help. It's not always good. Not having access to the internet when we're running out of money and gas and food; not having anywhere to bathe; having to go long distances to collect water even when we're not feeling well; losing things because i put them in the wrong place and drove off; that doesn't even begin to scratch on converting the car for stealth camping, choosing our routes and places to scope for campsites in new areas, or trying to figure out which supplies would actually be more helpful and cost effective in the long run.

But it's still not really any worse than the rat race to stay employed and be good renters. It's just different. And after 10 years of housing instability, and waiting for something to change, it hasn't. I'm growing more and finding more peace by just leaning into it. Trauma and bullshit never ends. Life doesn't ever stop for you so you can think about what just happened; there's never gonna be a perfect, calm time for you to digest everything and then move on strengthened and changed for the next main event. You have to learn how to do all that and keep living no matter what bullshit is ongoing. That's what "rolling with the punches" means. The punches dont stop, you learn to expect them, you move with them. I cant put my life on hold just because I'm homeless. It's not stopping me from doing the things I want. It's not stopping me from being the kind of guy I aim to be, or from making the kinds of choices i want. My life before did that.

Tl;dr thank you for all your help and concern this week, we made it to a different space and are taking some time to breathe. We are feeling more than a bit bruised, this week has been awfully triggering, but we also feel very held right now and we have space to calm down. For another few days at least, it's gonna be okay.

✨️🛸✌️

[mojavepumpkin]

"so we beat on, like boats against the current. borne back ceaselessly into the past." (cliche, i know but i can't get over that line)

sunday, march 3rd

haven't written in a while, haven't had my computer in a while. left it home when we went to fernandina. it was a good weekend. i was on my phone more than i'd like to have been, the weather was worse than i'd have liked it to have been. still managed to walk 12ish miles, all in all. the weather wasnt so bad when it wasnt raining. cooler than normal, especially sunday. saturday was nicer, walked 9 miles. had a conversation with a man in a silly hat selling free advice. he was nice but i dont feel all that helped, i still appreciate the conversation.

i am disturbed by my lack of preparedness for this literary thing. i have no idea what's going on, what im really doing, who even is running it. oh well, it can only help me i spose. or i could embarrass myself, but i guess i shouldnt get too hung up on that.

i might be getting a new car, or should i say, old truck. which is exciting. this summer. my car is the most expensive out of all of our cars, it was originally mom's and she gave it to me. the insurance is super high, so once we pay it off (in june), we can sell it and get something thats cheaper for me. it just so happens that i have a cheap taste in cars- or trucks. anyway, i hope we'll be able to find a 1998-2011 ford ranger. a tiny little truck for lil ole me.

anyway. im considering deleting youtube. it's tough. it's definitely my most used social media, and i can say 100% that it has made me better and more informed. if you can call it social media. but its also a big "crutch". eating food? watch youtube. getting ready in the morning? watch youtube. cleaning my room? watch youtube (this one is more understandable.)

given it more thought. i will delete it as an experiment. i think i need to learn how to practice mindfulness instead of consuming content every waking moment of my life. i need a book on it, maybe. definitely.

my mind feels very busy at the moment. let me think. the tv is very loud. i feel very hot. my room is dirty. okay. breathe.

what will happen tomorrow? anything of note? not that i can think of, i might make plans. that could be nice. i like keeping myself busy. i wish i could've figured out plans with J today, but nothing materialized - i just went outside by myself. i haven't read very much. but i haven't been on my phone very much. so i guess i've been doing things. i dont have any homework due. i dont have work tomorrow. i should be happy. i need to return a book to the library, and i cant think of anything else i need to do.

tomorrow might be a good day to walk. i'll speak to some folks. i'm trying to incorporate some more southernness into my speaking voice. idk, i'd like to feel like my voice is some kind of connection to the place from which i originate. i tried so hard to get rid of it, now i dont have it all and want it back. thats life.

despite not having known him for very long or very intimately i see a lot of my grandfather in myself. he has become sort of a kindred spirit i spose, for myself. maybe i do believe in the afterlife, i can still kind of feel him. maybe thats the afterlife we get, the feeling we leave with people. even though he isnt my biological grandfather, he was the only grandfather i knew on that side of my family that i ever knew. and now is certainly the only positive father like figure there. maybe all of those parts of him that are in me now are like little shrines i've built so that he can live on. our love of johnny cash, western movies, ford rangers, and straight-edge shaving. maybe i should start fishing more seriously, honestly i've thought about it often. i'd like to go fishing with a buddy. i just need a pole and some know-how, or my friend being the know-how could work too. i love him very much now, even though he is somewhat of a stranger to me. he loved my grandma, i can see that. i read one of their letters and was moved to tears. life is something incredible.

[stormcrow513]

Jesus, some people on here are just messed up, like I'm just bored clicking around get on this one person's account bout to go back cause boring boring boring...

Like holy fucking

This was one of the most half incoherent bat shit rant I've read in a while, that left me feeling confused upset and like unfairly attacked,

Like they start off being pissy about '21 somethings who can buy weed legally'

And then jumps to us in Colorado specifically,

Which starts to piss me off right there I love my state, as much as I get wanderlust time to time and like to try living elsewhere I'm born an raised like I wanna say fifth generation? Coloradan

This is my home,

It's one thing when people make Mile 'high' jokes those are usually in good humor and I think they're funny,

But this person just going off about us in particular about how 'easy' we got it

Oh I'm sorry how easy 21 somethings got it cause apparently they don't realize us 'old' folk also buy the legal drugs,

And all our options and how people from their state are coming here and bring our 'poison' into their state,

The 'poison' they apparently are so pissed they don't have easy access to, 👀

And how their state could have make much better 'poison' 😕

And then I think it stopped with wishing we all get hit in the head with a hammer!?!?!

I mean sorry to clog up y'all's dash with this but I really gotta vent on this cause of all the fucking things to go off about,

And specifically all the things about Cannabis to go off about,

Like that there are still people in prison in legalized states for cannabis charges,

That we still haven't dropped calling it marijuana despite the racist origins of that name (mind you I still fuck up and call it that too sometimes,)

The whole bat shit 'marijuana' plot that sounds like it should be a cooky conspiracy that is 100% factual,

But instead this person is getting pissed cause it's legal in my state,

First off asshole Colorado isn't the only legalized state,

Next even if it was, guess what dickhead I can't control your state,

mine voted it into law to legalize cannabis and I'm super proud of that,

Um also just cause it's legal dose not equal easy, you have to have cash, and it's not fucking cheap,

I've been experimenting with cannabis edibles and have been finding how amazingly helpful it is for me,

I have a shit load 'wrong' with me that's undiagnosed will remain so, and even if I was diagnosed and looking into meds they likely wouldn't work for me, I have something wrong with me that taking any kind of medication more then a couple days even as prescribed down to the exact hour, fucks me up,

I get start getting really bad side effects like day three, I was on fucking aspirin for a bit while super sick a few years ago I got tendinitis so bad I wanted to die for like two days,

I've even avoided being on shit what's the anti pregnancy pill called, um fuck, I've avoided it cause im not having sex and my periods are real good, I worry what I'll do if I ever get into a romantic relationship with a dude, probably will only be able to be with someone whose clipped,

I was on sleeping pills for a bit, one of the side effects was suicidal thoughts, guess who got that and all the fucking other ones, including dry mouth so bad I thought I'd die,

For some reason cannabis doesn't fuck me up at all, it helps it really fucking helps me even if I'm on it a lot,

It's the only thing that has ever fucking made my mind a not just okay place to be, but a great one,

And money is right so I can't have like constant access to it, I may at some point be able to get it at all,

And this dickhead thinks I should get a hammer to the head!?!

I try to let internet stuff slide off me but fuck if reading that didn't just royally upset me,

Just, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you pig fucking, dildo humping, cum sucking bag of broken sticks shit on by cats with the runs, mother fucker,

hope you step on cat shit every day of your life and that your hated by corvids everywhere,

Okay I feel better and yes I did block them they had another post that seemed a bit suspect especially after reading that post and no I didn't say shit to them what's the point

Edit looked at it again, it was ceiling fan fall on your head not hammer

[giggles-and-freckles]

oh, hey there! i love so many of your clone wars fics and i’ve followed you for a while. but - and bear with me, i might sound weird - i didn’t know you were a teacher? secondary school, is… i’m not american but it’s between junior and high school, i think?

as a sixteen year old who is thinking of doing a history degree, then that one one year course thing that equips you to teach, and then hoping to become a high school history/english teacher - do you have any advice, things you wish you’d known before going into teaching, or anything like that?

i think i’d love teaching - the only thing keeping me up at night is that i won’t be able to find a job because there are many teachers, that i won’t have any free time because i know the hours are long, and that i won’t be able to support myself financially/put any potential kids through schooling/save up enough money for basic expenses, due to stuff like the inflation rate and teachers being infamously not paid well— do you have any experience or advice regarding any or all of those things, if it wouldn’t be any trouble to share?

please feel free to ignore this - i know that adults are busy in general, but also, congrats on adopting your kid, i hope that y’all are doing great! - i just wanted to ask because i honestly don’t know any of my teachers well enough to ask them any of this, and my family isn’t exactly supportive of me wanting me to be a teacher (they…. don’t think i’ll be paid anything, but i don’t think that’s completely true!), so i just thought i’d ask. again though, no worries abt answering<3

okay whoa! just found this, but i'm going to attempt to answer now! truly don't know how i missed it. this may get a bit lengthy, so i'll put a cut.

first, thank you for your kind words! our bonus daughter is doing great. life looks drastically different now than it did a few months ago, but i can't imagine it any other way. <3

okay so -- yes! secondary school in america is generally 7-12th grade. i'm certified for all of those levels, but presently teach grade 8. which depending where you are living could be different for you. here, it's 13/14-year-olds.

i did things a bit unconventionally, but i honestly recommend it, now having the perspective of peers who did it 'the right way.' i studied something unrelated to education for my undergraduate (4-year degree). then, i did an alternative certificate program to get my certification. this means i graduated university in may 2020 and had my first classroom in august 2020. it was a bit much at once, but it worked well for my personality, because i'm a sink or swim person.

most of my co-workers studied education in undergrad, meaning they completed rotations of student teaching and spent four full years learning all of the things to know about teaching. which is a viable route!!! in my opinion, though, much of what is taught is not super applicable in a real life 2023 classroom so i'd just as well have all of that mandatory" material condensed into a one year online program i can zoom through while getting real experience. the big things to know about teaching is that you'll never know it all. in my opinion, there is no amount of training that will adequately prepare you because every child is different and every teacher is different. the only was to find your stride is to do it. you'll fail a little, for sure! but what better lesson to teach your students?

to address finding a job: i'm not sure where you're located and if this affects anything, but here in america i can tell you it is verrrry easy to find teaching jobs. there is such a shortage in education because so many veteran teachers who have been sticking it out for years have finally had enough and left the profession. i work at an incredible school with a ton of support, but we had three teachers leave us this year specifically to go into data analytics because they can work from home and have a more flexible schedule. of course, getting experience with children is valuable for your resume! but at least in the united states right now, the standard is sort of 'hey if you're certified and don't have a criminal record, we'll hire you!" which is...not great for education as a whole. but great for prospective teachers...i guess?

now for the money: hmm. so first off, let me say that teachers deserve to be paid more, without a shadow of a doubt. i think we all know this so i'll save the soapbox. but THAT BEING SAID. at least in my region, i make a livable wage. do i deserve more for the amount of work i am actually doing? yes! am i struggling financially? no. of course, there are other things to take into consideration such as the cost of living in your area. but to encourage you (and your parents possibly?): i am fully supporting my family right now on a salary. my husband just graduated from law school, so as soon as he passes his bar and gets a job (fingers crossed), things will change a little. but as of now, i am able to comfortably support myself, him, a toddler, and a teenager. i am a saver and don't waste money! but i have also not gotten to a point of misery or anywhere close.

however, it needs to be said, only you know your propensity for saving vs. spending. i have many friends who DO financially struggle because they live a different lifestyle than me. and that's okay! but it's a give and take. you have to decide what is the most important to YOU and go from there. for me, it's supporting my family and prioritising family experiences over things. for many, it's a nicer house or food or entertainment or whatever. and none of those things are bad!

in conclusion: teachers (at least in my area) are paid a livable amount. but it is absolutely not the amount they should be living on, in proportion to the work they do. remember: we are not paid for summer. many districts will spreadout paychecks to include the summer...but that's the money from the school year. NOT more money. i have mandatory trainings and symposiums i have to attend this summer and i'm not being paid for them. i spend hundreds of dollars on supplies/decorations/snack for students and i'm not being paid for them. i stay at the school until almost 7pm every night to watch my students' games and concerts and i'm not being paid for them. i could say no to many of these things! but i won't because i'm a good teacher who knows these things are *necessary.* it's a hard reality, though.

[code-es]

Hiya, Loa here! 💗 Just wanted to ask have you made any New Years Resolutions yet for 2023? If you have, do you have any towards Tech? Would you mind sharing?

I’m asking around cause it’s so interesting to see everyone’s different answers to the question and seeing their new goals within tech and programming for 2023!! 🥰❤️

(Also love your posts, well done on studying hard!)

Hi!! First of all: thank you for being my first ask!! I've taken some time to answer because I hadn't really thought about it at all before I saw this hehe. Such a great opportunity to reflect!!

I would say my tech/programming related goals for 2023 are:

Get an internship -- as part of my education i will go on a 27 (!!) week long internship starting in september next year, and I'm hoping to find a place where I'm able to thrive and learn, while also having fun. Ideally maybe even a paid internship! This broken down into smaller goals would be:

Make sure i have a good portfolio: design one and include projects from different languages/frameworks/tools I know (hopefully a few by then!)

Make sure I do projects on the side: this is to strengthen the skills i get from school assignments and make sure I am learning, and its fun :p

Network, network, network!! Go to events, talk to people, don't be scared to ask for someone's LinkedIn. My current teacher told us at the start of our course to treat networking like dating: when we meet someone more experienced than us or get a mentor, talk to them about their professional expertises, what do they do everyday, how has their journey been, etc. That way we establish a foundation, find out what we have in common -- and everyone loves talking about themselves lol.

Start my personal project -- I have an idea for a productivity app, similar to notion, which I'd love to start working on next year! as part of my studies we have a course which we can dedicate to such a project, but that isn't until August so i hope i get to start working on it a bit earlier. And hopefully share about my progress on here! hehe

And then for my non tech related goals:

I am currently super into improving myself, learning about psychology and gaining self awareness in relation to what I'm learning, and just generally growing and blooming as a person. (: So my goals for 2023 are to:

Start exercising and going to the gym: i actually love working out! it's so much fun, and to see what my body is capable of and pushing myself.

Start eating healthy: right now, I find myself eating irregular and not so nutritious meals... So my goal for 2023 is to start treating my body right by providing it with the nutrients it needs, so I can be my best self 💖

Set routines: I know I work best when I have routines, which i used to have when I was younger, so I want to get into this again! This is also kind of where my idea for this "productivity app" I want to create came from 👀

Make time for my old passions: I used to be super into learning languages and reading, which I am once again getting into!! I'm super happy about this, and my wish is to rediscover my old passions and make time for this in my schedule.

[lyndiscealin]

I posted 393 times in 2022

32 posts created (8%)

361 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@paradoxolotl

@anfae

@imperfectcourt

@24-0z

@blogaboutyafavbirdboys

I tagged 66 of my posts in 2022

#aftg - 19 posts

#neil josten - 12 posts

#andreil - 11 posts

#andrew minyard - 10 posts

#all for the game - 6 posts

#writing - 5 posts

#vampire andrew - 3 posts

#fanfic writers - 3 posts

#writerscommunity - 3 posts

#writerscorner - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#andrew: tunnels neil. they will dig tunnels under important buildings. there won't be light. keep up

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Andrew Minyard, Jeremy Knox, Laila Dermott, Alvarez (All For The Game) Additional Tags: Trojans - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, AFTG Winter Exchange 2021, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Alternate Universe Summary:

Andrew never left California and ended up with the Trojans instead of the Foxes. This is just a peak at his life with them.

--

My @aftgexchange gift for the Winter Exchange 2021 for @ebbatriestowrite

I hope you like it

16 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#4

Belletristica

Hi!

Today I want to introduce you to my most treasured writing plattform! It just got it's proper integration for the english community (it's originally an Austrian plattform), so I am finally able to promote it!

Belletristica is different from anything you know so far. It's especially neither Wattpad nor AO3, it's something completely on it's own.

While a writing plattform, Belletristica is also a fictional world. You don't need to engage with the lore of that world, but I would lie if I'd say it isn't engaging and fascinating.

In this world you can collect Fairy Dust through posting stories, commenting them and engaging with the community in multiple chats and groups.

You can find treasures and crafting materials and after a long day of exploring you can sit down in the local Tavern to meet old and new friends.

One of the most precious things for me is the moderation of the site. Lead by the fearless Fairy Khaeli, the Order of Knights watches over the Kingdom to ban trolls and spamers and to help the good Belletristicans resolve their infighting. They are strict but fair. Every case is looked at individually and they are not afraid to ban someone, if they won't stop wreaking havoc in the community.

You are safe here.

See the full post

18 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

#3

The most important plothole in AFTG:

Riko + Kevin are the perfect strikers

Neil + Jean were supposed to be the perfect backliners

Andrew would have been #5 as the perfect goalie.

Who was supposed to be the perfect Dealer??? And would there have been 2 of them? One Offensive and one Defensive dealer?

We will never know and it makes me very sad

56 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

#2

Hey fandom Tumblr! We need your help over at twitter or by direct message over their site.

This is about The Storygraph. We got them to listen to us, but I think we need more voices here.

This is the tweet: https://twitter.com/thestorygraph/status/1518302585219956738?s=20&t=KFf3u_aA1-yAfp-sn3XPYg

Help us tell them that it is not okay to ignore the wishes of the author. Honestly it's also a very shitty thing to ignore published authors. Not taking Fanfiction down, though, is actively harming the fandom.

If you don't have a twitter account, you can also write them directly over their website https://app.thestorygraph.com/terms-of-service The 'Contact Us' Widget is in the bottom right corner.

Please reblog this so it can get some traction!

(resolved for now, thank you!)

61 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

One of the things I like about AFTG is that Neil is not portrayed as this super talented player who safes the day. He right out sucks at the beginning. Instead it is shown that he is working himself into the ground to get better. He lives and breathes Exy for the first half year in the books. He is the main character but he is not the best player on the team.

Instead he is the one who just brings the team to work together.

In the end he is not a bad Player anymore and I am not sure if his learning curve is realistic, I never played a sport even halfway professionally.

And though he isn't a bad player, he is still not the best on the field. Andrew is better than him, Kevin is better and Seth probably would have been better as well. Pretty sure Matt also has better stats than Neil has.

AND Kevin is the one who scores the winning goal against the Ravens. (and probably most of the other goals in that game).

I love this. Neil is the one who made this win possible, Neil is the one who learned the most inside of the year, but he isn't the best player on the field in the end. He might be in the future, he probably will (or at least he will be second to Kevin).

And Neil getting better is not some magical thing that just happens. It probably looks like 'he has so much talend' to the outside world, where in reality he is just overly dedicated and his life told him how to be perceptive as hell.

I just.. like that :D And wanted to share this with you. I like that at the end Kevin beats Riko and Neil beats him as well, just as a backliner. It's a very cool (and super dramatic and tbf a bit unrealistic) resolution of all the conflicts in the book.

133 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[trans-mink]

Heres that post I said I'd make of my concert experiences in 2022 and my issues with access as a person with hypermobility.

Bare in mind I'd only ever been to 2 pre covid and I managed to get to 4 this year :D. I am still getting used to what works for me in terms of managing my disability in different contexts.

Queen

My first one of 2022 was queen and adam lambert. It was so good, those old men can move, their vocals are still in great nick especially Brian's. The visuals were great too, a lot of lights and imagery from their different eras. Adam on a spinning motorbike for Bicycle, hell yeah. Was hoping they'd perform Innuendo which is my fav queen song but they did not, they did do The show must go on however which is almost as good. Cried a lot at These are the days of our lives.

Can't say much in terms of access cos I was standing (bad decision bcs i hurt like hell afterward but i got that ticket off someone else so)

Carpenter Brut

Honestly wish I'd enjoyed it more but there were several things working against me there. Its the kind of music I listen to while doing other stuff cos its mostly instrumental so sitting and bobbing along kinda didnt cut it for me personally. I think id have had a better experience if I was able to stand up and dance as well as having the option to sit but we werent allowed to do that rip. No way I could have gone in the pit bcs by this point my mobility issues had worsened. That and I was worrying about my nova twins concert the following week bcs my doctor was refusing to provide a disability note for me :^).

In terms of access for that, I did have to go up stairs cos the building doesnt have lifts (listed venues baybeee). Thankfully i dont have trouble with stairs but a lot of people do so :/. The seats were not comfortable at all and my back hurt after 😭

Nova Twins

As previously mentioned I saw Nova Twins the week after and was given a disabled seat despite my doctor being a cunt about it. Very glad I did, the view was good and I was able to stand up/ dance when I needed to (if i sit for too long my hips lock). Got to see the hosts of We wear black pod there so that was great, got their signatures and they said i was pretty :'). The acts themselves went hard, most energetic concert I've been to bar janelle monae it was so much fun. Hurt my arms headbanging off the railing bcs of course I did. Wish they'd done Devil's Face but we move.

Again, this building is listed and has no lift and im unsure if it has ramps. The complain in terms of my own access is that the disabled seats were just benches and when I asked for a seat with a back I was told there were none (fantastic for those of us with back problems, my ass had to get on the floor and stretch out bc of them shitty seats and in the end it was comfier to stand and move around). Chased it up with a complaint email and was told they do keep chairs with back support but this clearly wasnt communicated to the security team. That or the guy I asked just couldnt be bothered which....

First Aid Kit

First concert I'd been to completely alone and I'm super happy I'm at a point where I can do things more independantly. Their Support Lola Kirke was good, amazed that this woman was able to jump around and play guitar with her nipples only covered by stars, if I did that I'd hit myself in the face.

First aid kit themselves were so fucking good, I went in without having listened to the new album (got a signed copy while i was there tho hehe), it was a good gamble cos I cried the instant they walked out on that stage and performed Palomino. Visuals were my second fav after Queen's, they had shots of horses, fields, ocean, stuff like that it was super pretty. Cried at Lion's roar and some other songs, think thats the most ive cried at a gig so far. Enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would holy shit. That bitch was packed to the rafters and everyone lost their shit it was so fucking loud!!!

I had a seat in circle with a pretty good view considering I was kinda late into getting tickets cos i had no idea they were touring until about a month ago jkdbfvjhbhjb. This time the seats didnt make my back hurt which is a plus :D.

Final thoughts

I'm happy that I got to see everyone I did this year bcs it helps me work out what I like and dont like and what works for me. I wish venues would not make people prove theyre disabled just to get a fucking seat (particularly if its an a standing venue!!!) and doctors stop restricting access to shit we clearly need like I wouldnt bother asking if it wasn't essential :^). Your accessible seating is not accessible if it doesn't provide basic support lol!!!!

[my-hearts-require-tea]

Brain has been feeling real ...mushy lately so just gonna write some stuff below..

Summer here in Vancouver has been weirdly cold/dreary this year. Ellen says this is more like the summers she knew as a kid, as opposed to the death by heat dome and fires we've been having in the years since I've moved here. I can only think it's not helping my mood - that and the fact that the sunny days we do have, i have to be super careful because the sun "allergy" i developed like 6 years ago makes me want to rip off my skin if i get any sun on my arms... so it's super fun...

My Japanese lessons are... ok. I really wish i could remember things. The things i do remember make me feel like "yeah maybe i can do this" and then there's 99.9% of everything else that makes me feel like an absolute idiot for even trying this. I know i'm better than where i started but still. I want to come up with a list of reasons (as my one app has been telling me to for months) to keep me motivated, but 'wanting to understand my tv dramas and video game husband' sound so false?

idk ...i just wish i'd been able to do this back when i was 12 and trying at the library, but i can't do anything about that now i guess.

Creatively...well i have the classic 'lots of writing ideas and then they disappear when you try to write' thing. My koi plushie - i finally found fabric for but it's finicky so i have to hand sew it and it'll be some time before i'm finished i'm afraid. I started another plushie - one of my fox character, i've done up in a build-a bear style to hopefully take on adventures, like i used to with Kid. I miss having a little buddy to take pics of. The fur i ordered for her should arrive sometime soon, so we'll cross our fingers i can do it right. (So expensive to ship it here it's worth more than gold XD)

Ellen's health is ok, no big issues. She's been feeling a little sniffly so has been staying away from people just in case. Working around the public just has me angry so often anymore as no one seems to care about protecting anyone anymore.

So i'm not sure how to help my brain mush, but i'm here at least.

Oh and the month is flying by and my 35th is next month which honestly is making me feel SO old/useless/worthless even though i KNOW it shouldn't?? *sigh*

[moon-chlld]

life update

henlo, I just wanted a place where I can post my thoughts and feelings where it doesn't necessarily reach anyone in particular. If it does that's great! But I kind of just need to look busy at work right now lmao and I have a lot of emotions I'd like to write out.

Right now, I have a great job honestly. I still have trouble with motivation and seeing the point in sitting at a desk all day, but at least I get paid decently and it's in the field in I studied in! I really can't complain about my work, I'm super lucky to have it. Which...is why I've been guilty and disappointed in myself this week. I let my old habits get the best of me and I didn't go to work on Tuesday. My boss was on vacation at the time so I thought I could play a little hooky. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way and I got in trouble. It's so dumb that I even thought it would be okay to do that, but I did it anyway and severely regret it. I hope I never do it again and honestly, I think I'm getting better at sucking it up and going to work, I just let my laziness get the best of me that day and it sucks.

Another reason it sucks is because this week was supposed to be perfect and fun, and I ruined it by own actions. I'm still trying to get past the bad vibes from that day but it's so hard and I'm so tired lol. I also wish I had New Year's Eve off, buuut I think I'll get off an hour early so that's a plus. I just have to think positively I guess ughhh lol!

Now I can talk about the fun stuff I suppose! I recently got into my first relationship in August, and it's just been amazing and so magical. I really can't believe I found someone who loves me as much as I love them and are so accepting of me and all my flaws. I really never thought I'd be able to find someone like that for me. Funny enough, it was through a dating app! My life has changed so drastically since August. I started my full-time job and a committed relationship basically at the same exact time.

I'm also making friends again, I think. My partner has one close friend here in ABQ (he's from CA) that I love, she is so funny and cool! I hope she considers me a friend too, haha! I also love my coworkers, they're really nice, funny, mature, and super helpful (they're both older than me by at least 10 years).

Next year (literally next month) my best friend is having her bachelorette party and I'm sooo happy and excited for her! We're just spending a few days up in a cabin to chill, smoke, drink, and play in the snow. Magical! Her wedding is in March and I'm a bridesmaid!

My partner and I may be calling each other fiancés, by the way, lol! He sort of proposed to me during a beautiful night while we were watching the stars and city lights. I took him to the foothills and made the trunk of my CRV super comfy with fairy lights and everything because he was having a really hard time that week with family and mental illness. He did make a point that because he didn't have a ring that it wasn't the official proposal he will be doing later lol!

Anyway, the reason THIS week is exciting for me is because my family is out of state! They left to visit family in CA but I had to stay for work (and because I didn't really want to go). So, I basically have the house to myself this whole week and it's been so nice (besides the stress from work lol). My mom doesn't approve of me spending the night with my partner because we're not married lmao so that's why this week is special because we get to spend all the time we want together outside of work! We're also planning on spending New Year's Eve together with our friend, we're going to do make your own pizzas, board games, video games, movies, snacks, annnd yea! I got a cold sore right before Christmas so we haven't been able to kiss in a hot minute and we're saving it for midnight this Friday! It's kind of torture but also super sweet that he wants to even do that lol!

I think that's all, we're also planning on moving in together next year which my mom also doesn't approve of buuut I'm doing it anyway ahhh. My mom's very religious and pro-purity culture so it's...very toxic and I can't wait to move out ughhh. I've been wanting to live on my own since I can remember! Alright, I'm done, happy new year!

[smilingperformer]

Discussing the good and bad of Pokémon Journeys: Part “Rocket Gang”

It is no secret that the handling of Rocket Gang in Journeys is quite different from how the fans and audience have come to know them. Even I have tons to say about how I feel about Rockets in this series, so let's get started!

TLDR; Their handling in this series isn't exactly the best kind as it has removed one of the beloved aspects of them (having own Pokémon they bond very closely with) and is showing less often how they are RIGHTEUS evil, not evil evil. More under the cut, Journeys abverted to JN.

So. How do I begin. Let's start with saying: I am a Rocket Fan. A huge one. Ever since I started watching Pokémon couple years ago during Sun & Moon's first year, I fell in love with these buffoons, and I absolutely adored how the two bonded with their Pokémon and showcased that they're not that different from the brats, just on the villainnous side. Kojiro is a loving and caring man, Musashi has gone through lots of stuff and Nyarth has deep understanding over Pokémon's feelings due to his past experiences. Oh, Sonansu's there too, I love that blue blop so much. Honestly, the main reason I love these four so much is because they're such lovable villains who tend know what is right for their Pokémon, or other Pokémon they manage to bond with. And it was shown really well pre-SM as well.

Like, one of my favourite episodes of all time for Rockets is actually JN019, and it's because of how the Rockets end up helping a Ditto/Metamon who wants to be a proper actor, but thus far tended to fail in transforming into Pokémon perfectly. Musashi, as a actress herself, really bonds with this Metamon, managed to help it perfect the transformation with the help of Kojiro, Nyarth and Sonansu, and despite having the job to pokenap Pokémon... they actually end up helping Metamon to get back its job, to make sure it doesn't have a reputation of a Rocket 'mon. And they do SUCH a good job at acting like they're not intending it.

Like, during this acting performance, they really want to get blasted off! They don't even hide it. They keep provoking Satoshi to use Pikachu's Thunderbolt to blast them off and save Metamon that way. And I just fricking love them for this asjhgsjhgfs.

But aside from this episode, there really hasn't been that many episodes focusing on this aspect of Rockets. Another good episode for them JN is JN024 thou, where Rockets are on vacation and, are NOT on their villainous acts.

They're mere citizens in that episode, enjoying their free time in Sinnoh's Resort Area. And even when the brats come around, they fully ignore their need to capture Pikachu. For Sakaki-sama's orders. Akjhksajfh I just, really love how this ep managed to show that, even if they are part of Rocket Gang, it's merely their job, not who they are fully. They're not like Matori, they're not like Yamato and Kosanji- oh it's Kosaburo. They're merely doing the villainous stuff because they believe it to help make the world better. And when they're not working? They're good citizens. This was such a good episode for them because of this because it really showed that they could easily just be friends with the brats if they weren't on the opposite sides.

They even helped foil Matori's team's plans on kidnapping every single Pokémon in the Resort Area and sajghsjhgf. These four really hate Matori now do they. They're on her side, but they also keep foiling her plans. Even in Sun & Moon they foiled Matori's plans to pokenap Nuikoguma, because they knew their lovely Kiteruguma mom bear would be upset. As I said before: They're villains, but they're not evil evil. They do the evil stuff for their own rightful reasons.

Now that I've discussed the reasons I love Rockets and what I've loved in JN, let's talk about what it is that makes me feel iffy about their handling in JN, one of them being the lack of own permament poketeam.

In the past seasons, Rockets would always catch themselves one of their own 'mon that would willingly join their causes, and end up bonding with them deeply. In JN, this is... pretty much non-existant. We have the recurring 'mon of Kamukame/Chewtle and Morpeko, but the first one appears in such a rare rate, and latter one has been used as a... abuse comedy. When the Morpeko started following Rockets, I had hoped that it would end up bonding with the Rockets and they'd find some common ground, but so far, there's no sign of it, and Morpeko is more like a leech in their base instead of a powerful asset, and like. I feel like this was the show's way of trying to recreate Kiteruguma but with an opposite twist of it eating their rations instead of feeding them like Kiteruguma did, but it's not working as well as Mama Bear's gimmick did. At least in my opinion.

Now let me just say that, I don't really mind the Rocket Gacha machine. I feel like the concept it has is pretty cool, and seeing what kind of Pokémon Rocket Gang has managed to capture for using is super cool to witness. They also have been able to switch up it's results in unique and fun ways and seeing it sometimes fail is kinda fun and relatable to anyone who's played gacha games, sajhgfs. However, it feels like the Gacha completely replaced Rocket Quatret's ability to capture Pokémon of their own and, it hurts my soul to say it.

I think one of the reasons they did this route was due to how in Sun & Moon, Musashi and Kojiro ended up leaving their 'mon behind, due to knowing that they won't like it at the Rocket Head Quarters and leaving the cozy family that is Kiteruguma and Nuikoguma. So, maybe the writers felt like the Quatret would now feel bad about capturing 'mon they would bond closely with after this, and then ending up having to send them to HQ. So in a way, I get the possible intention behind this decision. Yet it still hurts. And I feel like most Rocket Fans feel the same way.

Their writing is pretty much the same throughout the show (which imo is kind of an average, as it doesn't hit the nail the same way I came to love them in Sun & Moon or OS to DP era, or even XY and Best Wishes DA! Arc), so it doesn't make sense for me to recite every single appearance of theirs, but I really have to discuss what irritated me a lot:

So. JN059.

I'll just say it straight away: I did not like how Rockets were written in this episode. At all. While their personality was spot on, their motives and actions weren't. Like... the fact that Grookey/Sarunori was a Rocket 'mon is a unique concept and I honestly like it. However, the way Sarunori ended up switching sides was so bad for me. So bad.

No. I am not one of those who think that Gou stole Sarunori from them and doesn't deserve it. No. That ain't my problem. It's more like the issue in how Rockets weren't allowed to learn more about Sarunori, bond with it, learn that it's not the one to want to join the villanous side and feels happier with Gou. The idea of the story for Rocket 'mon to switch sides is great. Excecution however is not.

Like... this line where Musashi says that Sarunori needs to be sent back to HQ to be re-educated specifically ticks me off in bad way and I hate to feel ticked off like this. And this line is all because they weren't allowed to learn more about Sarunori's motives. Because the plot had to be in one episode. I feel like the motives, Rocket Gang's handling and side switching would have worked better for me, if it was a longer built arc. Sort of like how Mijumaru/Oshawott, Hikozaru/Chimchar and the likes of them were done.

And this hurts more because of JN019 where they WERE allowed to bond and perform an act of helping Metamon get back its job. These buffoons KNOW when the 'mon deserves to go to the non-villainous side. And it's all because of JN019 that I feel so strongly ticked off for this line. "We'll... ...have you re-educated". That's not what they were gonna do with Metamon. Like. God damn it.

Rockets were there when Hikozaru switched teams from Shinji to Satoshi. They came to care for the lil monkey before this switch and after this switch. They KNEW it would be better off with Satoshi, and they kept rooting for it from afar, despite constantly trying to steal it. That's their job. Same with how Nyarth comes to like the Honcho Nyabby, due to its background, and finds peace with knowing that Nyabby will find a happy life with Satoshi. All of these examples are exactly why I strongly dislike how Jn059 handled Rockets, and I so god damn wish they would have ACCEPTED that Saruroni should join Gou, but make it so that they'd have to rescue Sarunori instead of giving it to them just like that. They're not heartless.

Unless this was an act from them. Which I doubt since Nyarth learns about Sarunori wanting to go with Gou late into the episode and then trying to deny it having been said??? Uuuugh. This episode really could have used more build up and different handling with Rockets.

Another option that would have made me like Sarunori's capture was if it had been some other Rockets it escaped from, like Matori Matrix or sudden return of Yamato and Kosaburo, or something else. I LIKE the idea of Sarunori being a Rocket 'mon, so I wouldn't change it. I just don't like that it was OUR beloved Rockets that had to be treating it this way.

Sigh. Now that that's out of the way. What else is there to say. Well. How would I try improving Rockets in JN? Simple: give them their own Pokémon to care for. Make them bond with more than just Chewtle. Let them have Pokémon they can bond with and show their loving side with. It's severely lacking right now and I feel like most Rocket fans are really missing this aspect a lot. Also please don't make them act like they don't understand Pokémon's feelings. They do. I'm glad that Satoshi still knows that Rockets care for Pokémon of their own and wouldn't treat them badly, but it still isn't showcased that well in JN. So I wish it would improve on that. I would also seriously love it if some of their old 'mon from past shows would come up from the Gacha Machine, as I'd imagine them being put inside there as well. It did have tons of Gulpin inside for some reason.... Sakaki, wtf.

Well. I guess there's not much else to talk about regarding Rockets. In short, I love Rockets, but I'm not happy with how they're handled in JN fully and despite there being couple really good episodes for them, and some of the episodes have excellent usage with them (like JN038 where Musashi just casually says "Evening" to Satoshi when he discovers them hiding in bushes, sajhgshfsghjf forever love that moment). I just want better handling with their righteus evil.

So. What's up next? I'm thinking about compiling a post of COTDs and supporting cast next time, which would include the likes of Kikuna, Renji, Sakuragi, family casts etc.

So, thanks for reading if you got this far, hope you enjoyed it despite possibly disagreeing with me, and I hope you'll all have a fantastic day.

Til next time! Aleira, aka Smiling Performer, signing out!

[pattytacuri]

5/14/22

I'm beginning to think I've had a more open and honest relationship with Tumblr than any men in my life. 😭🤣 maybe I'd rather be vulnerable and raw with a bunch of strangers . This is the first time I've written anything all day. Idk what possessed me to but as soon as I got home, I decided to try on almost 75 percent of my closet to see what fits and doesn't fit. If anyone knows me and my closet...they know I own like a million and one outfits . 😭🤣 fucking bpd impulsivity with spending. Clothes have a strange way of telling a story...for example, I still had the pants I interviewed with for my current job ( size 12-not keeping , too big) , the blue dress I got married in ( keeping it for, cute and I might burn it one day) , the black floral dress I went to my friend's 6 year old son's funeral too in late 2015 😭 ( keeping-still fits and I couldn't bear to part with it) , the teal romper I went into a terrible BPD episode with and dissociated in after a fight with my ex in the summer (idk -haven't tried it on-dont know what I'm doing with it yet) , the super short and tight black dress I got drunk in and made a tik tok in with my BFF this summer( keeper- too sexy to give away) , or the blue sweater I first drove independently in October also crashed in November in (its cute so keeper!) , etc, etc.

Anyways, I started to get tired and feel off, and then I realized..mercury is still in retrograde and it's been 10 months from my breakup and ugh...kinda cringy but I had to listen to "Clean" by T Swift cause of lyrics 🙃 and I whined for 30 minutes to my best friend about how haha..grief about it is here. Ugh. My best friend is beyond understanding, I admitted to her a truth out loud about it I hadn't been able to get out and it was good. Honestly, at this point, I'm at this really good place with everything about it. My bpd heart and soul have finally caught up with my logical side of it all. My logical side understand and accepts hard things and acts accordingly but it's hard to get my untamed bpd heart and soul to be on the same page with it. My logical side is 41 and so responsible and practical but idk that bpd soul and heart are irrational. In therapy my logical side is reasonable mind and my bpd side is emotional mind and to get both on them on the same side is wise mind which means tada ...I now have emotional regulation! Ugh...I'm in a dbt group therapy group and all of are there cause we all suck in one way or another with regulating our emotions. Our therapist keeps saying we all probably grew up in emotionally invalidating households and he's not wrong. Where was I going with this before my whole therapy tangent. Oh yes, I'm in my most radical acceptance and wise mind part of the grief. The anger about it has dissipated, I wish all the best for him, etc , etc. There are just these small droplets of grief that show up but at least it's not the hurricane or tornado that lasted for days or weeks.

Tomorrow I start swimming lessons with a private instructor and I hope I do well. I almost drowned at 11 thanks to my dad's drunk negligence so I hope my instructor is patient and understanding. If this works out, I'm gonna try some kind of dancing lessons cause why not. I have no rhythm but if I learned to drive again, anything is possible. I also need to lose 6 lbs. 😭 its sad that I like to eat cake and tacos and can't see myself going back to just salad. 🤣😭

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

Ive had this story ive been wanting to share ever since i started following this blog (months) which is the main reason why i started shipping bkdk and why, whenever i hear people saying their relationship hasnt changed at all, or that Bakugo hasnt grown enough, or that Midoriya is just being delusinal on "admiring" kacchan(have you ever heard that one?), i get very frustrated, soooo

May you listen to my story? :T

Basically i also had a childhood friend i shared the same class with for 10 years. From 5 to 15. So a big chunk of my child/teenage years

We were besties for 8/9 of those years?

She was... What my sister calls "a fictional character in real life". She was just... A huge princess, bratty, confident, and always made sure she got her way. She also grew up to become, in my opinion, the prettiest girl my age I'd ever met.

I dont know how we became friends, but my youngest memories of us together are of me chasing after her while she, (and the rest of her admirers) did whatever they wanted.

She wasnt the best person to me.. I dont think even half of the stuff she did she realised she was hurting me for real, but she did. I was her bestie, so i couldnt play with anyone else, but while i was with her I was called useless, nerd, weirdo, annoying. Once, when we were little, she isolated me from a sleepover at her house cause i didnt want them to cut my stuffies fur. That might not seem like much now, but inside the world of a 7 year old.. It was big. Once we got older, it got much worse as i was the only girl in my class who was still flat as board, didnt have an insta, and worse off all, they found out i liked anime and games :00.. It was as if i had been outed for liking that stuff and they constantly shamed me for it.. It was absolute hell for at least 2 years until we got to a bigger school where more people liked those things and people with more strength than me and didnt take shit made her shut up.

This might already remind you of a certain angry boi from a certain bnha(or not, thats fair), but the part that connects it all is that.. I really really admired and liked her despite all that crap, for all those years.

Honestly, shes the reason i still question my sexuality. I think i had a crush on her back then.

She was just.. So awesome when she wasnt bullying me! She was confident, and made friends easily, and had a way to manipulate others that was so obvious snd yet somehow no one seemed to get it, and she just had this charm, and always looked so pretty... If she decided she was gonna do something, then she'd do it. And she was strong too.. Some stuff would happen in her home life and shed shrug it off. Then there were also these moments where she opened up a little and let me see inside. One of my sweetest memories of her was once where she appeared as a surprise to my birthday to sleepover. She begged her mom to do it cause she wanted to see me during my birthday,as i later learned. We spent the night undercovers playing and talking. My mom had a photo of us all tangled up together sleeping the next morning. I was the only one she did that for. I loved knowing that. I was proud of it.

And so, no matter what else she did, i never left her side.. I didnt have anymore friends, and despite our relationship being toxic, i couldn't leave her..

But eventually, we just, broke? Im not sure how it happened. I met other people, better people, who were good friends, and i still talk to. She also met other people, who liked taking pictures and going shopping, and gossiping. And then, for the first time ever, we were separated into different classes. We never really talked again after that.. And that just makes me.. So empty inside. I wish i could talk to her now, and tell her so much crap. How she hurt me, and how i loved her despite it, and how she was my definition of confidence and victory. Still is.

When i met bnha, Bkg and Mdr, i remembered her, and our friendship, and now when i see them together in the manga now,i just think what couldve been for us if we stuck together. Especially cause i still see her sometimes, with other friends and boyfriend now, and she really seems older.. More grown up. Not the brat i knew. Im not sure cause we dont talk, but yeah.

So i completely understand Midoriya. How he admired Bkg despite the bullying, and believes in him, and felt overjoyed when Bkg spoke to him, or simply doesnt care anymore when Bkg is meaner. He knows its just him being bratty, not exactly mean

And when people say they haven't evoluted(?) enough, i just... Get frustrated!

Theyve changed so much! The way they interqct now is different, and will probably keep changing, and whqt i think they really need to fix theur relationship is the apology.. I long for that horribly.. For maybe obvious reasons :|

I wish id had the opportunity to work through my relationship with her too.. If our relationship could be like theirs is now.. Id be overjoyed

Sooooo, just a little story for any anti-bkdk or just people that cant understamd how Deku still tolerates Bkg.

To anyone who cared enough to read this, hope you have a super duper day! ^^

(this was too big omg, im sorry Q^Q)

-The Shy Pancake 🥞

Never too big, my friend. Thank you for sharing your experience with my, I love to learn about my followers and this was very sweet to read. It's always wonderful to be able to connect to fiction based around our real life experiences, as long as we're able to separate ourselves from it, of course.

I think it's great how you're able to better understand Deku because of what you've experienced in your own life, and I love that it allows you to appreciate the relationship between him and Bakugo.

I hope maybe one day you could talk to that friend again. 💕

[emachinescat]

Way Back Wednesday #1

Welcome to Way Back Wednesday! Every Wednesday, I am delving into my past as a fanfic writer and reflecting on and sharing one of my stories… starting from the very beginning, 16 years ago, when I was a 14-year-old kid discovering her love for fandom. ❤️

Today’s story is…

An Unlikely Team

American Dragon: Jake Long & Kim Possible

Summary: Monkey Fist and Huntsman have teamed up in order to defeat their respective foes. With Monkey Ninjas, goblins, dragons, nacos, spy gear, magic potion, secrets, regrets, and tears, no one is going to escape from this situation without changing somehow.

Rating: G

Chapters: 18 | Words: 12,353

Year Published: 2005 | My age: 14

Relationships: Jake Long/Rose | Huntsgirl | Characters: Jake Long, Ron Stoppable, Kim Possible, Monkey Fist, Huntsman, Rose | Huntsgirl, Lao Shi, Fu Dog

AO3 Tags: Crossover, Suspense, Humor

My reflections on and "review" of the story are after the break! :)

Oh, wow. It was an adventure coming back to this story! It marked a lot of firsts for me - my first crossover, my first story above 10k words, my first chapter fic. I don't remember a whole lot about my writing process back then, or about the circumstances of writing this story. I was 14, and a lot has happened since then. I do remember that I was still coming off the review-high from my first story, and that I had no idea what I was doing, not really. And it kind of shows.

I guess I should go ahead and say that this story, like the last one, isn't bad. I mean, the plot, if a bit simple and contrived, makes sense and moves along fairly well, and the characters (except for Rose, but we'll get to her in a minute) are pretty well portrayed, and grammatically, there were no glaring errors that I could see. It was interesting enough; it has been probably a decade or more since I last opened this story, but it still managed to hold my attention well enough, I suppose. It has some very positive reviews (and some critical ones), so I must have done something right.

But I've got to go over the issues with this story. Most of them I think are just hilarious. I'd been writing since I was five, but I was new to this kind of storytelling and still trying to find my voice as a writer. Once again, it shows.

Okay, so first, there's the plot itself - super simple, very contrived, and kind of weird. Huntsman and Monkey Fist team up so that M can help H capture and unmask the American Dragon, and in return, H will give M a talisman that will "undoubtedly" make him the Ultimate Monkey Master? Sure, seems legit, I guess.

Then there's the fact that I had to end every chapter - or nearly every chapter - with a cliffhanger, even if it didn't warrant one. I was dying laughing because most chapters would end with a character saying something hopeful to another character, but then muttering under their breath something grim and suspenseful. For example: "'Let us go. Jake's life is depending on us. He is alive for now...' and then he added almost inaudibly, 'but not for long...'" It's hilarious, and I wish I could remember if I was trying to be edgy or just ensure readers would come back, or if I thought being ominous was a hallmark of good writing. Also, the chapters were overall very short. I think I just wrote however much I felt like writing and then posted. Of course, I was having to post between school and the Boys & Girls Club where my mom worked (and being grounded, like a lot), so I guess I just wrote what and when I could.

Some of the dialogue's a bit clunky, and I had a weird thing with time limits. They capture Jake, and then they have to send Huntsgirl out to get a potion that will make him human because they forgot (???) this very important part of the plan for some reason. She says something along the lines of, "My Huntstick will transport me to the magical black market almost instantly. I'll be back within an hour." That doesn't add up, unless she's going to spend an hour haggling with the seller. Then she gets back, amps up the whole evil villain plot, and then adds, "Oh, yeah, it'll take 30 minutes for this potion to take effect." So she and the baddies just stand there for half an hour watching Jake slowly turn from dragon to human. Then when he's been poisoned (another weird plot contrivance), Lao Shi says, "If we don't give him the antidote in 30 seconds, he'll die!" I suppose I did set the scene, whether intentionally or not, by having a clock ticking in the background, but the way that all of the characters seem to have such an acute knowledge and understanding of time is just weird to me.

The only aspect of this story to actually bother me is the disservice I did to Rose's character. In the show, she's portrayed as a pretty strong protagonist-by-day/antagonist-by-night, but in my story, she's pitiful. I don't know if I just consumed a lot of media with weak female characters or what, but it's super cringey how emotional and weak she's portrayed as once she finds out the truth about Jake. She cries, which is fine, but then girlfriend just up and faints! She cries some more, begs Jake to forgive her, acting like she'll never be able to live with herself or forgive herself if he doesn't, then gets mad at him when he needs a little time to process that the girl he has a crush on is also the girl who's been trying to kill him. Then as soon as he apologizes for... being traumatized, I guess? she turns around and starts spouting off stuff about never being able to forgive herself if he'd died or something. I apologize most deeply to her character.

Oh, I just realized I haven't really discussed the Kim Possible side of things, mostly because it's pretty cut and dry. Those characters all seemed to be, well, in character. I especially feel I had Ron down to a T. It was also really funny the way I had Huntsman and Monkey Fist constantly arguing even through their alliance. The fight scenes, with Kim and with Jake, are very minimal. They're usually one step above just saying, "They fought." On that note, there's not a whole lot of detail or description, but a lot of dialogue. I definitely could have expanded more on the world to make the crossover feel more complete.

All that (mostly light-hearted) criticism aside, it was fun to get to go back and read this, and if you think you'd be interested, be my guest. It's a cute little read, and important to me because it marked the second step in my fan-fiction journey.

Next week, we'll be taking a look at one of the cringiest things I've ever written - yikes!