#wish we'd gotten to have some conversations about this stuff

[quiltedlovers]

sick of meeting new people and starting over i want home 

[wetfungi]

Pre-op trans man gets fucked by boss. Focuses more on the build up to fucking and not really the fucking tbh. Trans guy is 20, boss is like 35-40. All genital and terms for body parts are used. No feminization. //

~

Want my boss to pull me into his office for some work shit and see him get a boner from just talking to me. I wanna see him get embarrassed and try his hardest to keep talking while I just listen. Have him stumble over his words while I nod and sit there.

I wanna hear him lock his door while he let's me out. I wanna go about my day like nothing happened cause.. honestly I don't know if what I saw was true.. did my boss really just get horny from talking to me? I wonder if he thinks I didn't see it.

I start to notice I have a lot more shifts with him. He says hi to me a lot more too. Somehow we run into each other a lot more. I'm really intrigued at this point. I purposely search for him to let him know when I plan on taking my breaks and he always starts a conversation when I tell him. He always tells me to have a good break after we've talked for as long as my break should be. It's like he's trying to interact with me as often as possible.

He asks me to stay later one day and offers to drive me home after for the inconvenience. Before we leave the parking lot, he brings up the thing I never thought we'd talk about..

"So.. I think you may have noticed something different at work. You've seen me a lot more huh?" He laughs.

"I just- I want to apologize. I want to say sorry for the time I called you in my office and I- there was a situation. I want to be professional about this. I thought that scheduling you with myself more and trying to talk to you more would get us to a level where it wouldn't be weird, but-"

He turns away from me.

"I'm going to stop scheduling you when I work because.."

I interrupt with "it's okay! Yah know I get things just happen. It's not a big deal. I didn't tell anyone. It's not weird! It's normal. Really we don't have to talk about-"

"I take my job very seriously but everytime I see you, I imagine that day and start to wish I didn't meet you."

I just sit there stunned. "Oh, um.. yeah I- okay"

"I wish I didn't meet you because then I wouldn't have ever gotten the urge to bend you over my desk and fuck you. If I never met you, I wouldn't have to deal with this fight in my head if I should risk it. Should I risk it? You can tell me. Look, I have an uber pulled up right now, I can get you a ride home, no questions asked, no problems. But if you tell me I should risk it... I'll drive you out of this parking lot, I'll drive you home, but that won't be it. So please. Just tell me you understand what I'm saying and let me know."

I don't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry, I can be softer." He looks at me now. "Do you want me to drive you home or would you rather me get you an uber? Either is definitely okay"

I ask him to drive me home.

He smiles and nods. He drives out of the parking lot and starts heading to a hotel. He parks and hands me a keycard and tells me the number to his room. I head to his room while he waits a moment. I just sit on the bed scrolling on my phone and after about 5 minutes, the door opens. He sets his stuff on the dresser, takes off his shoes, untucks his shirt and stands in front of me to take off his belt. I'm staring up at him with doe eyes at this point. I can't believe he's going to fuck me.

"I need you to promise you'll tell me to stop if you want me to stop. I only wanna fuck you if you want this too. Do you wanna continue?"

I nod and say "yes boss" because I think it's funny.

He smiles. "How about 'yes sir' and you'll be my good boy hmm?"

"Yes sir"

"Good boy"

And it starts. He unbuttons his pants. He takes off our shirts. He takes off my binder. He takes off his boxers. His dick is hard in front of my face. I open my mouth and he puts it in. I start sucking him while he plays with my hair, holding my head at all times.

"Be a good boy, lay face down okay?"

I don't even say anything I just eagerly lay back and flip over.

"You have to arch your back, ass up, I need to take off your-"

I move so quick so he sees how desperate I am for him. He gets me completely naked and pushes my ass back onto the bed. He mounts me and I feel bliss like never before. His cock fills me up perfectly. I love the feeling of his thrusts and his cock pumping in and out of me. The way he holds onto my waist and humps into me. The way he encourages me to touch myself while he fucks me. I've never felt this way before.

He flips me over and starts making out with me while his dick is just rubbing against my clit.

We fuck for hours. He cums inside me. We spit into each others mouths. I cum on his cock.

The night ends with him ordering room service and us making plans to fuck again. We talk about kinks and I feel like we've been doing this for years. Like I just feel so good after everything.

I can't wait for the time my boss fucks me again.

[redrikki]

Battlestar Galactica Rewatch - Episode 1.04 - Acts of Contrition

An accident on the flight deck kills 13. Starbuck gets tapped to train their replacements. Spoilers ahoy!

I love the tradition around 1,000 landings. It really makes the world and the fleet feel lived-in.

Everything Adama says to Starbuck during the conversation in his quarters unintentionally digs in the knife, even as he tries to comfort her. Now that's good writing.

Introducing Chuckles, Hotdog, Kat, and a bunch of other nuggets who don't live long enough to get names or characterization. Love Hotdog going back for Starbuck! He's a good egg.

Lee accidentally reveals Kara's secret, or that she has one, to the guy who thinks he really knows her. I wish we'd gotten more about how Lee feels about the reveal. He apparently spent 2 years furious and blaming his dad, but he finds out it's Kara's fault his brother died and...what? He forgives his dad and starts repairing that relationship, but there's seemingly no impact on his friendship with her.

Adama's quiet rage learning Kara got his son killed was so intense and believable. He forgives her eventually because he loves her, but I doubt he would have done it so quickly if she hadn't "died."

Zack didn't want any special treatment, from Starbuck or his father, but he gets it from both and it kills him. Adama, as I said before, is all about the special treatment for his loved ones. He keeps Saul, a drunk on, cause they're besties. He almost certainly brought Kara into the Galactica because of her relationship with his son. I wonder if some of Adama's willingness to forgive also comes from knowing special treatment is one of his sins.

Dr. Cottle makes his first appearance. His name sounds like coddle, but does the opposite. Love his refusal to out out his cigarette while being a sarcastic bitch.

Stuff is happening with Helo and Sharon on Caprica, but who cares. According to the creator commentary, they included snippets with them in every episode to make sure the audience remembered the by the time the writers got around to figure out what to do with them.

[waheelawhisperer]

I'd consider Blake's behavior vis-a-vis Yang in V7 more 'optimistic but cautious' than 'submissive', but fully agreed on some sort of discussion with words and stuff now that the plot might not be dragging them along at a Houndy-lugging-Ren breakneck pace. Also, solid point about the baked-in survival fawning reflexes Blake's struggling to set aside. Also also yes Yang neeeeedsss life outside Ruby & vice versa.

I evidently did not make this clear enough in the original post because a few people have mentioned this now, so that's my fault entirely for poor wording, but I wasn't claiming Blake acts submissively, I was specifically referring to the way Bumbleby detractors describe her behavior and insist that Rooster Teeth can't write a queer relationship without making one of the people in it "the man" and one of them "the woman". Like, I have gripes aplenty of my own with the writing, I think I've made that clear at this point, but some people really do seem determined to interpret every choice anyone who's worked on this show has ever made in the worst light possible.

I definitely think Blake is insecure about her current relationship with Yang and is falling back on unhealthy patterns because she hasn't had the time to learn healthy ones (and I don't blame her for it! You don't just... get over abuse in a day!), but I do also agree that she's a lot more optimistic about this one than the last one. There's hope for her going forward, she just needs time, experience, love (not just from Yang!), and support.

The Bees needing to talk their issues out (starting, but not anywhere near ending, with the fact that they fucking killed a dude!) is one of the many reasons I wish we'd gotten 2 Volumes in Atlas before Salem arrived. While I think Yang and Blake were absolutely in the right in shuffling Adam's edgelord ass off of this mortal coil, killing someone is still a major event. It still carries a lot of trauma, and we don't really see either of them work that out outside of a brief conversation in Volume 7.

Speaking of that conversation, something I find really interesting about it is that Yang is noticeably less bothered about killing Adam than Blake is. Now, I'm sure part of this is because of Yang's horribly unhealthy habit of repressing and internalizing her own emotions because she thinks someone else needs her, but I think part of it is that she's also... just genuinely less affected by killing another person than Blake is. It fits with what we know about her family, at any rate: we've seen Ruby's killer instinct time and again throughout the series (absolutely based choice by CRWBY to make her willing to go for the throat), Raven Branwen canonically personally murdered at least one person and is responsible for the deaths of many more, and Qrow is Ozpin's primary agent, his best weapon against Salem's inner circle at the start of the series, so I wouldn't be surprised to learn he's done a little wetwork of his own. He's certainly not conflicted about attempting to kill either Tyrian or Ironwood, at any rate. I think it would be a really cool choice for someone as warm and compassionate and loving as Yang to share that killer instinct, that mama bear willingness to put a motherfucker in the dirt if given a reason.

I really hope we get a conversation in Volume 9 where Yang finally opens up to Blake about how much it hurt her when Blake left. I hope Blake opens up about the way she blamed herself for everything, because that's what Adam taught her she should do. I hope they finally, finally, stop papering over the cracks and build a truly strong and healthy foundation for their relationship based on mutual communication and understanding.

I love these two so much, and I just.... want them to be okay. I want them to be happy and safe and loved and not constantly cut and torn by their own traumas and crushed by the weight of the world. I want them to be vulnerable with each other. I want them to talk.

[gatoplanet]

why do you think klaus didn’t react that much to ben going into the light?

my short boring answer is that there was too much main plot stuff going on and pacing-wise it wouldn’t have really worked for klaus to spend screentime having a personal arc crisis at the end of the season lmao, i kinda wish we'd gotten the scene of him going around asking ghosts if they’d seen ben but ultimately i think the shot of him on the bed did everything it needed to do without breaking the flow of the story

longer less boring answer, i don’t think of it as him not reacting, so much as like … how do you react to abruptly losing the person you’ve spent every second of the past decade and a half with? what do you even do with yourself? we see klaus right after he loses dave, which was violent and terrifying, and he reacts pretty reasonably for having just lost someone he loved violently and terrifyingly. but klaus passes out and wakes up, and ben is just like, gone??? he doesn’t see it happen, there’s no one horrible final moment, so he doesn’t have anything to react to. it’s just his new state of being. viktor is the only person who can even confirm that it was real to him, and they still can’t really commiserate about it; viktor already grieved ben with everybody else

so imo klaus is completely in shock, and that conversation with viktor is the only anchor he has to even begin to wrap his head around the magnitude of ben being gone. i don’t think that him getting upset or breaking down in tears would have rung true for me personally, but let me tell you i felt that silent thousand-yard stare in my soul ): and then before he gets a chance to maybe sit down and do some processing, ope, look at that, it’s ben but alive and even more mean, here to complicate absolutely everything

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Oooh, going to give you a few -- Captain Jack Harkness, Eobard Thawne, aaannnd Captain Pike

Now there's a trio I'd like to put in a room! Both for Hijinks Reasons, and because they'd have some interesting conversations about destiny and fixed points in time if you poked them properly.

Captain Jack

one aspect about them i love

It's got to be the way he tries so hard to be more like the Doctor, and the ways you can see that he has. Like, he has these moments where he launches into the Idealism Speech and it kills me every time because he's had to work at that. He's still not a nice man, not when he's riled, but he tries so hard to be a kind one and you can see it becoming more and more natural over time. Someone who started out where Jack did could have become Awful with immortality, but he took the Doctor as his role model and he tried So Hard and keeps on trying even when the world makes it very hard for him and I love him dearly for it.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I don't really know what people have to say about Jack, I've never really hung out in the DW/Torchwood fandom despite how much I'm into them, but I'm never a fan of people reducing him down to just the Funny Immortal Flirting Guy. He's an awfully complex character with a lot of interesting stuff going on As Well As being the Funny Immortal Flirting Guy. He's got Depths.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

You know, as much as I love John Barrowman's singing voice and wish we'd gotten to hear it in either Doctor Who or Torchwood, I think it would be really amusing if Jack the character was awkward about singing. Like, you've got to get him drunk before he'll even consider it kind of awkward. And the Torchwood team found this out when they finally managed to inflict karaoke on him as a work night out and suddenly Mr Confident had absolutely no interest in getting up on that stage. Of course, in an ideal world this would be the opening for the Torchwood musical episode, and we're talking Sanctuary-style here where they actually have to sing in-universe for some reason, and they'd subsequently find out that he's really very good. Why doesn't he like singing when he's good at it? No idea, I just think it would be funny, and I'm sure some horribly tragic backstory thing could be concocted to explain it, because no fact about Jack is ever not sad even when it's Also funny.

one character i love seeing them interact with

Listen, I'm a Huge sucker for Jack's dynamic with the Ninth Doctor, it's got to be my very favourite Doctor and companion dynamic. They had five episodes together, and were only properly friends in like three, but what we did get was So Good. They had that Drift compatible finishing each other's sentences thing going on, Nine trusted Jack to tinker with the TARDIS on his own, there was just so much unspoken understanding and trust between them. I am Never going to be normal about their smiles when the Emperor Dalek said "BUT HE WILL EXTERMINATE YOU." and Jack's response was "Never doubted him, never will."

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

My kingdom for more Jack and Nine, honestly. I'm so glad the Ninth Doctor comics had the full trio, those were really good, but I would Love to see some sort of post-Torchwood!Jack and Nine interaction. It's a pain to make work with timelines, it would need a lot of handwavy nonsense, but man. It would be So Much and I've been thinking a lot about just writing it myself ever since I got back into Blorbo Mode with those two.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

This is crossover nonsense, but since I mentioned Sanctuary earlier: Jack has history with every single member of the Five. He and Tesla have put so many bullets in each other that it's just how they say hello now, for one. And Watson calls him up every so often to let him know that his pterodactyl showed up in London again, and could he please come and get her? (There's a background pterodactyl in at least one scene at the London Sanctuary, I decided years ago that as far as I'm concerned that's Myfanwy.) And I wouldn't be remotely surprised if Jack's kissed all of them at some point or another (at the very least).

Eobard

one aspect about them i love

His ridiculous sense of humour is the first thing that comes to mind. This asshole spent the entire fifteen years he was stuck in the 21st century making daft little puns to himself about being from the future and other in-jokes with himself, and it's just so amusing.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I've only seen sporadic bits of anything past s2, but I wish the writers of the show actually understood what it was that made him interesting in s1. Because sometimes it's clear that they do! But the less said about (to pick one example) every single choice they made for amnesiac!Eobard the better, frankly, that was a proper shitshow of boring (and tiresomely amatonormative) decisions.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

I mean the obvious headcanon is That Man Is Autistic, it's kind of The headcanon that I've got for Eobard. And so was the original Harrison Wells, which I think was a huge relief to him when he stole the guy's identity. Decades in the wrong century pretending to be someone else is one thing, but to have to also pretend to be neurotypical? Big yikes, no thanks. I don't know if he made much of a thing of it in his public persona, what with 21st century attitudes and all, but I don't think he went to any effort to hide it, either. It probably came up in the Harrison Wells biography, but would have been a surprise to absolutely no one by that point.

one character i love seeing them interact with

Cisco Cisco Cisco Cisco

One day I will be normal about those two, but it's been like 7+ years and It's Sure Not Happened Yet.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I really loved everything about his interactions with Ray in the Legends ep 'Moonshot', that was the good shit. And yeah, of course Eobard is going to immediately abandon any positive feelings towards the guy when he makes them enemies again at the end of the episode, but I thought that was just a bit lazy on the writing front, tbh. Like, it would have been fun to see the understanding that they came to affect both of their interactions later in the season, rather than largely forgetting that it happened. I deserved to get to be properly heartbroken about Eobard killing Ray very similarly to how he killed Cisco, rather than it just being a 'fuck's sake, Eobard, again with the murder' moment.

Also, it's a crime and a travesty that we never got two Eobards on screen together. They had two entire actors! It would have been laughably easy for a show that fucks around with doppelgangers as much as that one, and in far more complicated ways! And yet! Booooo.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Speaking of two Eobards, I have So Many thoughts about how that could go down. But in the spirit of the question ("one other character"), I really like the idea I just had that while Cisco and Wellsobard had their movie nights, Caitlin and Wellsobard used to swap books. Scientific papers, sometimes, but usually fiction. I don't think Eobard would have had a lot of time for books while stuck in the 21st century, and Caitlin strikes me as a reader and someone who likes to bond with people by sharing that.

Chris Pike

one aspect about them i love

He is Such a dad and it's adorable. I'm such a fan of single and childless characters who simultaneously manage to have the most intense Parent Energies(TM), especially when it isn't (at least so far as I've seen) tied to 'oh, I wish I'd gotten to be a parent but the job interfered' feelings.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I don't really have an answer for this one, my fandom experience for SNW is like two friends and that's it.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

If Pike's Enterprise had a holodeck, he wouldn't get anything done for LARPing. The obvious one he'd love is any sort of cowboy program, but I could see him being a real fan of pretty much any sort of holodeck shenanigans. He'd definitely have gotten really into it if he'd been one of the ones who was aware during the whole Elysian Kingdom thing, he'd have had So Much fun.

one character i love seeing them interact with

I really love all of his particular dynamics with his crew, tbh. His friendship with Una is really nice, he's got such fun banter with Ortegas, him and M'Benga are really cute, he's such a good dad figure to Uhura, All That with Spock... But I'm particularly partial to his relationship with La'an, it's just so sweet. He loves his awkward daughter security chief and is really accommodating of her harmless quirks but is also so invested in making sure she gets the push she needs to start to heal, it's just a lovely dynamic.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I would Love to see him interact with Bones McCoy, I think that would be Great. Like, Pike is such a born explorer and adventurer and he's such an effortlessly nice guy that bouncing him off Dr Space Is Death and his crankiness would be really entertaining. On a similar note, I'd have loved more Pike and Hemmer moments. I'm such a fan of sunshine-y character and grumpy character dynamics, and SNW is great for that because the crew has such a preponderance of both.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Christopher 'Horse Girl' Pike has definitely dragged as many of his crew as he can horse riding with him when on shore leave. Or riding on whatever the local equivalent of horses is. There was An Incident involving Ortegas and a giant riding lizard once, and she got to drag him along on two different extreme sports outings as a result of his guilt. He has since learned his lesson about trying to get Ortegas to ride things that don't have engines.

[a-selkie-abroad]

books ive read recently and my thoughts about them

Scythe and it's sequels, Thunderhead, The Toll & Gleanings

makes me want to debate/disscuss alllll off the ethics & morality it touches on. interesting portrayal of AI and exploration of the morality of death. The ending of the series was logical, and I don't think I dislike it, it's just not my thing. Definitely something I wish we'd studied in highschool english back in the day instead of like, the great gatsby. worth a read if you want sci-fi that's not set in space

Raybearer and it's sequel, Redemptor

it was pretty good. felt like a breath of fresh air. enjoyed the portrayal of non-romantic love and the complicated feelings one can have towards terrible parents. good message, if a little heavy-handed. Wish the real world could fix its class divides and undo capitalism that easily. also wish we got to know more of the 12 better, though with only 2 books and a whole lot of stuff to get through, it's understandable they weren't explored much. read ella enchanted if you especially enjoyed the first book

Wizard of Earthsea trilogy

have never been so fucking validated for my run-on sentences by a book before. Excellent prose and imagery - i could eat those visual metaphors. I enjoyed the first book the most, the sequels slightly less so. have yet to read the side books. will definitely impact my writing style in the future. I <3 Usula Le Guinn

Spinning Silver (By Naomi Novik)

As good as my friend said it would be. Very fairytale-like, enjoyably lengthy, and sated my recent desire for jewish fiction. Could sometimes be hard to keep up with the POV changes sometimes, but that is my one and only criticism. Damn good book.

Uprooted (Also by naomi novik. actually the rest of the list is by her)

oughhh i loved the horror vibes. nice buildup, good tension, also fairytale-like, but in a different, twisted flavour. I liked that the 'big bad' being killed wasn't an instant fix in the ending: there was still work to be done. I really liked the interactions and chemistry between the three main characters, though I wish kasia and the POVcharacter had also gotten together (though i can't complain with the pairing the book did go with - the sex scene is really well done, even if it isn't as explicit as the erotica I usually frequent). I kept expecting them to get together, because frankly they both give off sapphic vibes. ah well

Scholomance trilogy

out of uprooted, spinning silver, and Scholomance, i'd rank scholomance as my favourite, then spinning silver, then uprooted. The storyline in this one is just especially well crafted: everything just comes together so satisfyingly, so neatly, with not a stray end in sight. I love the mystery aspect to it, and the relationship bewteen the main characters, and ESPECIALLY the school. It's like hogwarts but ten times as interesting and four times as dark and with 0 transphobic authors. THIS is how you design a magic school, people! I've always appreciated good setpieces (say, like in the Old Kingdom series and even the Inheritance Cycle) and the school for sure counts as one. Also did I mention the mystery aspect? This thing will have you hooked.

Temeraire series (up to halfway through Empire of Ivory)

Really love this!! I love dragons, especially ones that talk, and this has that in droves. Feels also very grounded, which is surprising for a dragon book: it's set in the 1790s during the napoleonic wars, and is, as far as I can tell, pretty faithful to the time period. except for, you know, the dragons. I enjoy seeing how the POV character grown as a person throughout the books, and how he interacts with others. Mans loves his dinner conversations. I enjoy Temeraire, the dragon, a lot, though for some reason I keep thinking he's a she/her??? for no reason?? it keeps throwing me off that he's not and i don't know why! you'd think 4 books in i'd have gotten the memo that hes a guy! anyways. manages to make me care about side characters that get like, at most, a page of content, which is impressive to me. very travelogue-esque. excited to see where the series goes!

[whinyblogger]

It is three pm and my roommate

Has not gotten out of bed.

I try not to judge her,

Afterall,

I'm known for oversleeping,

Sometimes not rousing until

The night shift is starting,

And it was only two weeks ago

I did not get out of bed at all.

They moved my items out quickly,

And I didn't bother following.

I suppose there are

Other places I could linger,

My parents' house

My childhood home,

The willow tree I loved,

But this was the closest I came

To some form of freedom,

I suppose.

Half of a room,

Half of my stuff,

All of my heart.

I may have taken a wrong turn,

Gone down the wrong road,

But this was home until that moment.

I don't think it's about that, though.

It's four pm and she's up,

I wish I could talk again,

Have a conversation about classes,

And whine while I wrote an essay.

Maybe we'd finally watch that movie,

Or try making sugar cookies,

Instead I am sitting on an empty mattress.

Half of a room,

Half of her stuff,

Half of a mind to apologize.

I shouldn't have made it her problem.

[utilitycaster]

caduceus for the ask meme, if it hasn't been done already

if it has been done, then maybe ripley?

I haven't done Caduceus yet! I haven't done Ripley but I actually did talk about Ripley a bit in the Raishan post because I have decided to ship them as a QPR, improbably. So this is about Caduceus.

How I feel about this character: I really like him - he's an archetype I don't actually feel like you see explored in all its glory and mess and flaws in a lot of fiction (this is something Taliesin excels at particularly amongst the cast, incidentally). Also I love talking about death and the pastel goth aesthetic.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: he's not interested. Before that became apparent there was a time when I thought he had a crush on Fjord and I shipped it briefly, but it turns out it was more two people looking at each other and being like "you have the opposite background from me and it's fascinating".

My non-romantic OTP for this character: honestly this is hard because Caduceus in many ways specifically held himself apart from the Nein and primarily confided in his sister Calliope and his aunt Corrin. I do really love some of his conversations with Yasha especially though.

My unpopular opinion about this character: hahaha so many. Probably the biggest one is what I just said - Caduceus specifically held himself apart from the Nein. He deliberately constantly positioned himself as separate and a little detached, and deflected everything and just had the attitude of "no I'm here to offer wisdom to you, I don't need any advice though I'm totally fine", and it's endlessly frustrating that many people interpreted the Nein not prying as a sign they didn't care rather than as a sign of them saying "it's really invasive and rude to force someone to open up and we're going to respect Caduceus's boundaries even if they're clearly a front". It's the lightbulb joke about psychiatrists - Caduceus needed to want to change, and until very late in the game, later than anyone else, he didn't want to and actively resisted it. Like, I have gotten tags on my posts about Caduceus where people who haven't seen C2 are like "oh maybe I should see C2; the stuff I saw around in the tags implied that the rest of the party seemed to not care about him and that sounded like a miserable time". That's how egregiously bad the fanon can get here.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I do wish we'd gotten to see more of Caduceus after Aeor because much of his change did occur in that final arc; look, I know myself and my ideal Nein one-shot is in fact Uk'otoa or Sabian, but my second ideal Nein one-shot is one of Caduceus's walkabouts with his sister in Molaesmyr.

my OTP: No romantic ones, but I like his friendship with Yasha and I did love every Calliope conversation.

my cross over ship: Not a ship, but as I said, I want Caduceus and Moonshine to be friends.

a headcanon fact: Honestly in thinking about Caduceus and Yasha and also the epilogue for Beau and Yasha, I like to think that Caduceus, Calliope, Beau, Yasha, Reani, and Essek eventually figure out what's up with Molaesmyr and can fight back the blight more permanently.

[avenging-fandoms]

traitor / spencer reid

*sort of requested by anonymous *in which y/n and spencer dated for a little while, and then broke up. weeks later, spencer found someone new. *warning: angst, fem!reader *PLEASE send me requests!!!!! i can do whoever :)

MASTERLIST

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew That you talk to her, maybe did even worse I kept quiet so I could keep you

you smiled as spencer cracked a joke about work, your heart jumping as his laugh made you happy. his phone started to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket as you took a sip of your wine.

you watched as spencer's expression grew nervous, and you knew who was calling. you put your glass down and licked your lips, crossing your arms across your chest and you leaned forward.

"you got a case?" you ask and spencer clicked his phone off, putting it back into his jacket pocket and he shook his head quickly and you stomach sank as he gave you a smile. it's her. it's her. it's her.

"no, just jj. she asked if i could, uh, babysit. i told her i would do it another time" spencer lied straight through his teeth and you nodded along like you believed him. but you knew. you knew who called. but you couldn't lose a guy like spencer, so you just kept quiet, sipping your wine like you weren't dying inside.

And ain't it funny How you ran to her The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny How you said you were friends? Now it sure as hell don't look like it

you felt empty after spencer left, the two of you had been in a weird spot the past couple of weeks, and after he left the room to take the phone cal and spoke quietly, you had enough. you had barged into the room, crying to him how you needed him to be there more, but he couldn't do that.

you felt like hell, you couldn't look at anything spencer even touched without feeling sick. you knew spencer wasn't on social media, so you thought you were safe there without seeing him.

there he was, he popped up on a suggested profile, saying he was in a relationship with her. the woman you were worried about. you felt sick about what you saw.

it wasn't even a week and he was all over her. kissing, hugging, everything. 'friends' 'i just met her in a library' 'we're just friends with the same interests. bullshit.

Now you bring her around Just to shut me down Show her off like she's a new trophy

And I'll know if you were true There's no damn way that you Could fall in love with somebody that quickly

"i just don't understand, penelope. i.. i thought he loved me" you sipped your very strong drink, the 3 girls looking at you with a soft expressions.

"oh, he did love you, sugarplum. he just.." penelope struggled to find the words, but there were no words. the way he moved on, he really didn't love you. or he did, but not as much as you did him. "oh dear"

you followed everyone's eyes to the door where spencer walked in with her, with maeve. your mind started to spin and you soon felt sick watching him hold her the way he held you, like she was his shiny new trophy. "yn? yn, breathe, sweetheart" emily spoke softly and you shook your head, jumping off the chair and bolting to the bathroom.

you held the edges of the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror. the door opened and penelope walked into the bathroom. "oh my sweet girl" you sobbed as you fell into her arms, sobbing.

"he doesn't love me, p. he-he never did"

Ain't it funny All the twisted games All the questions you used to avoid?

Ain't it funny? Remember I brought her up And you told me I was paranoid

"hey spencer?" you called and tried to keep your voice calm and not scratchy. he walked into the room with a little smile, and you held out his phone. "who's maeve?"

"what?" for someone as smart as spencer, he loved to play dumb when it came to her. "why are you on my phone?"

"it started to ring and i went to bring it to you just in case you needed to go into work but it wasn't a name or number i recognized. is she.. did you find someone new?" your voice was scratchy and spencer chuckled, shaking his head and taking his phone.

"you're just being paranoid, she's nothing but a friend. i met her at the library while we were both in the same section and we got to talking. she just calls for more information, nothing is going on"

you nodded and spencer kissed your head, tucking his phone in his pocket and heading back into the kitchen. that conversation didn't help anything, and you still felt uneasy about the whole thing.

God, I wish that you had thought this through Before I went and fell in love with you When she's sleeping in the bed we'd made Don't you dare forget about the way

you sat on your couch with your knees to your chest, a half empty wine bottle in your hands as you let your tears fall down your legs. it hurt more than you thought it would because you thought you didn't love him as much as you did.

once he was gone, you knew you loved him more than the world. spencer let you fall in love with him while he still talked to this other woman, and he knew you loved him. and he told you he loved you, but it made you think.. did he really mean it?

spencer laid in bed with maeve cuddled by his side, his fingers rubbing up and down her bare arm. the room was silent, and spencer could still smell you on the sheets, on your sheets.

"are you okay, spencer?" she asked softly and he hummed, blinking a couple times and looking down at maeve. "spencer?"

You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry For the way I hurt, yeah You talk to her When we were together Loved you at your worst But that didn't matter

It took you two weeks To go off and date her Guess you didn't cheat But you're still a traitor

it had been a month since you last saw spencer and maeve at the bar. you had gotten better, gotten over spencer and it was easier to talk to him. see him? that was a different story.

as you walked to your car in the garage, you heard footsteps behind you and you quickly turned around. "hey!" you put your stuff in your passenger seat and close the door, crossing your arms over your chest as you gave spencer a soft smile. "i feel like i haven't seen you in forever. how have.. how have you been?"

"uhm.. i'm.. working on it. some days are harder than others" you sighed before you asked the question you didn't want to because you knew the answer. "how are you?"

"i'm okay. we're.. i'm good" you nod and you both fell silent. "i miss you" he said softly and you looked at him with daggers in your eyes, a scoff coming out of your mouth.

"you.. you miss me? i guess you should've thought of that before you went and talked with maeve" spencer opened his mouth and you held up your hand. "it's my turn to speak, spencer. you betrayed me, spence. and i don't.. i don't think you'll ever feel sorry for the way you hurt me. because if you did, you wouldn't have went off and dated the girl i was always worried about"

"yn i'm sor-"

"the funny thing is.." you sniffle and chuckle, shifting your weight to your other foot. "i stuck by you when you went to jail, spencer. i loved you when you were at your worst. i waited months for you, damn it!" your voice got louder and it made spencer jump.

"i didn't cheat on you, yn"

"i know you didn't spencer. but you're still a traitor. you betrayed me and my love for you. and i can't ever look at you the same" your throat felt tight and you hopped in your car. "goodbye spencer" you peeled out of the garage, glancing at spencer in your rear view mirror as you left, stepping on the brakes at the stop sign and closing your eyes, letting out a sob as you finally said goodbye to spencer and what love you both shared.

[zutaraplatter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Critique

There are already a million of posts like this one, and I might be saying things that’ve already been said a million times but I’ve recently become reheated about the ATLA ending and wanted to let it out -_- No one asked, this is true, and this may or may not be a way to stall from this final project I still have to complete, but here’s 10 things I didn't like and/or would change about the show that likely shouldn’t need changing because they should have been done in the first place.

1. Katara should have apologized to Sokka after TSR

It should have happened and it didn't. In my canon-avoiding mind, Katara and Sokka have a heartfelt conversation where she apologizes for the awful things she said, Sokka says he forgives her and he's sorry if he wasn't as there for her as much as he should have been, which he follows up with "but I'm happy you listened to Aang and took his advice," leading into my next point

2. Katara should have said that not killing Yon Rha was her choice

And thats why it was the right one. Not because Aang already said it was wrong. No no. It was the right choice because that's what she chose. I love my mom to death and can't imagine losing her in any way, let alone the way Katara did. And I can't say for sure that if I was in her shoes that I know what I would have done f that yes I do I would have killed that motherfucker. But I also know that if Katara decided not to kill him, then that was one of two correct choices because they were Katara's choices to make. Not Aang's or anyone else's and this should have been clarified. I know it's a kids show but I said what I said. Next point.

3. Katara should have said more after telling Aang she was unsure at the Ember Island Players

Katara hasn't had any trouble saying how she feels, especially when it comes to helping others and making them feel better, whether she was right or wrong. But she holds back or overly softens blows and seems to even shrivel up at times when it comes to Aang. And me no likey. I had a boyfriend who I adored and admired and just genuinely looked up to. I'm also a shy and anxious person who hates confrontation, but because I loved him, I never refrained from telling him when he was wrong. I might have been a little shaky about it but I did it tho because when you want to be with someone you walk through the grass and stomp through the mud. And I personally feel like either in that moment or later on in an added scene that Katara should have voiced to Aang how unheard and disrespected she felt about his words before TSR and his actions on the balcony. I hate being uncomfortable and my secondhand embarrassment is toxic but I would love to see a scene of this. I always imagined Katara saying stuff like "But I'm not you Aang, and I'm not an Air Nomad," or "Zuko could understand why I needed to go, and I'd hoped you would too," or...I'm out of ideas but you get the idea. And you know what, I know I'm a hard Zutara shipper, but them having this conversation would honestly make me respect their relationship a whole lot more should it be believably written to end on a good note (I don't see how it could be but hey I'm an open minded person and I did think they were cute together once upon a time). Basically, all I'm saying is that Katara is no small voice and she should have been written that way when with Aang. Boyfriends can make you shy but should never make you weak. Period. Next point.

4. No rock! ONLY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I still squint my eyes whenever I remember that rock that unblocked Aang's chakra. What even was that? The laziest writing possible in my opinion. That's what. And Aang deserved better. What should have happened should have been that Aang started to lose to Ozai. And then as Ozai's about to deliver the finishing blow, Aang has flashbacks of everyone he's trying to save and honor, ending with a very prominent flashback of Katara with the guru's disembodied voice reminding Aang to let go of his attachments to become all he needs to be...then BOOM! Baby boy is back on his feet, chakra unblocked, he kicks Ozai's ass, I'm crying hysterically on the floor, as are the rest of us, and he wins. Then at the end of the series, instead of a kiss, he gives Katara an apology. She accepts, everyone else comes to join them on the balcony, cinematic group hug, camera pan into the sun. I don't know lol. Basically what I'm saying is that Aang did not deserve some deus ex machina. He deserved to grow and become his best self like everyone else got to.

5. Aang should have heard differently in The Storm

Katara is a very fate-minded person and this is when I saw potential for her to become a toxic character in regards to Aang. When he admits that he ran away from home 100 years ago, Katara tells him that that was basically a good thing because he was meant to be here and now. Like...no? What Aang did, though understandable for someone so young, was still wrong. Yes he would have maybe been killed but I'm like 10000000% sure they had a plan to protect and evacuate the literal avatar. And what was technically "meant to be" was a new avatar. But hey, what's done is done and kicking Aang while he's down is a no-no in this household. But that doesn't change the fact that Aang needed and deserved honesty. Maybe the fisherman could have said this, I don't know, but I feel like Aang should have been told by someone that although running away was wrong, it's a blessing he and Appa were able to survive and be able to help save the world now with his amazing friends found-family. Maybe this is too harsh, and maybe even outright wrong, but I felt like Aang deserved a truer answer here to support and comfort him.

6. MAILEE!!!!

Do I even need to go into detail?

7. Spiritual sigh*

Don't make me go into detail -_- I will say though that although Aang and Katara are both amazing individuals capable of earth shattering things, they were not a healthy fit for one another. This is evident in the original series and especially in their children from LOK. They both deserved the best but better than one another.

8. ZUTARAAAAAAA

This is a Zutara blog you KNEW this was coming, as it should. There's just too much. There's too damn much. I would give a real paragraph to this too, but, I mean, there's already so much proving that this was the pair. Fics, metas, rants, this site. Scroll through my blog or any of the ATLA related blogs I follow and...dude. These two were meant to be together and I'll mourn the narrative brilliance WASTED for no good reason every day for the rest of my life. No reason these two shouldn't be married with three kids. sob. I will take this part to say thank you to the amazing fic writers that gave Katara, Zuko, Mai, and Aang what they deserved that the writers didn't have the guts to give them themselves. Next point tho.

9. AANG AND ONJI

Good God almighty. Why not this? WHY NOT THIS? I'm putting on my bullet proof vest and I'm going to say this; Aanji is cuter than Zutara. Now before you scorn me or whatever, let me explain. Zutara for me is like steak. No. Chicken parmesan. I like chicken parmesan better. The point though is that Zutara is savory. You know? I don't see them as cute, I see them as Obviously. Aanji on the other hand is like a bag of my favorite candy. They are like a brownie. A cookie. Girl Scout Samoas!...I don't know what words are anymore. This post got way out of hand. I guess what I'm saying is that for Zutara, I scream, but for Aanji, I squeal. I hope that makes sense. But here's the main point I want to make. Onji never knew who Aang really was. And Aang was always, at his core, himself. She very obviously had a crush on Aang for his personality and that was crazy cute and frankly preferable to Katara's "I...guess he is." (you know exactly what I'm talking about) Anyway, I kept wanting more of them together. I wish all the time that we'd gotten to see her again, with a more fleshed out character and all. And in the way that I imagine the show should have gone, she could have been the perfect love interest for Aang, during this episode or way later, even in the comics! Another WASTED opportunity for greatness and I will, again, never recover T-T

10. Iroh get your ass back here

Maybe this is a misguided critique but I hated that Iroh just left Zuko alone in the fire nation at the end of the series. Baby was in trouble in every sense of the word and Iroh was just like "See ya! You got this nephew." I'm expected to believe that? I'm expected to accept that? No no no. He should have at least stayed for a few years to help Zuko stay upright and, you know, alive. And by "upright" I don't mean "good." I just mean been there to support him because Lord knows he needed it, at least in the beginning of his reign. It was cute that Iroh was able to settle down with his own teashop after all those years of violence and mourning and running and this and that. I was more than happy for him for being able to have that peace finally. But I still think it could have waited a little while longer so he could support Zuko.

That's it I guess. I know not everything I've said makes the most sense in one way or another, but I enjoyed putting it together all the same. Thank you for reading and have a great day. I'll go finish my final now.

(Edited for a typo)

[reddeadreference]

Blog Progress Update - (Travel Blog Style 😎 #3)

Robbed a homestead with Javier and went hunting with Charles so life has gotten more exciting now that they're back in camp.

On the way back to camp after hunting, Arthur ran into a man we'd never even seen before (I'm on PS4 and it was previously a PC exclusive Stranger Mission) so now Arthur is collecting herbs for our new friend. (Damn I wish I could just nibble a flower and get rid of my lumbago.. Fun Fact: Lumbago is just an old timey way of saying lower back pain.)

Hang on a second… when did we tell this man our name? When did we learn his name? Is my ADD that bad? I'm sorry Arthur I've given you my ADD.

Got back to camp and Lenny immediately asked if Arthur was okay. Heard Grimshaw yelling at Mary-Beth and Dutch sounded mad at Hosea and I don't wanna be here anymore.

We're taking the photos we need and Arthur's going to go… listen to Javier play the guitar apparently. Very soothing. He stops every now and then… not sure if it's him being uneasy about Arthur staring for 5 minutes or if he's thinking up the song as he goes. John is annoyed that we're ignoring him.

Arthur wishes he could sit down. He does not understand why he cannot.

Hosea was teaching Jack to read and Abigail got mad at us for some reason. Meanwhile Lenny and Dutch were debating Evelyn Miller again. Why can't conversations happen one. At. A. Time. Arthur can only eavesdrop from so far away!

Played Poker with Lenny, Uncle, and Pearson. Pearson bust then Uncle so it was just Arthur and Lenny mah boi! (Damn that kid can play cards… almost had me a few times.)

Hung around camp longer than intended but got a lot of photos.

Went to Valentine to buy a new gun and bait for hunting then went out to get some legendaries to get some trinkets/talismans and to start getting the stuff needed for camp decorations and bags.

Wrote down everything we need like a giant shopping list. And we're off!... after I transfer 785 screenshots to my computer via USB. *Insert gif of Arthur looking confused and concerned from the pig farm*

—

I'm going to get more photos of places like Annesburg, Rhodes, etc. while I'm out hunting to finish up any posts that are missing photos.

I'm going to need to do part of John's mission to see Sean at all cause he's not at camp and I'll have to do Micah's too when that pops up.

–

Went looking for the Buck first. Found a Native Burial site… at night… creepy sounds so a quick sketch and we were outta there. Couldn't find the Buck cause bounty hunters kept showing up so Arthur got some stuff to sell to hopefully pay it off.

Had to sell stuff in Strawberry.. no one recognized Arthur...

Learned you can't use the stagecoach when you have a bounty so he had to ride ALL the way to the fence to sell enough stuff to pay off the damn bounty so he could hunt without bounty hunters chasing us down

Saw a man shoot himself in the foot outside the Strawberry post office… lost the foot-age of it though. Hehe puns…

Didn't have enough to pay off the bounty still so Arthur decided to go somewhere the little voice in his head said there would be gold bars.

Raced a man on the way there and won!

After making Arthur stare at stone junk for too long we solved the puzzle. Heard a woman scream but Arthur refused to RUN out the cave so I have no idea who it was or what happened.

Found a Hobbit Home nearby.

Went to the fence, got $1500, went on a little shopping spree before going out hunting again after finding the Buck and getting a trinket made.

Arthur isn't ashamed to admit he got chased onto a rock by an ox (that proceeded to lay down and so Arthur stayed up on the rock for a while. Good chance to get some journaling done)

He was also chased by a very persistent muskrat that wasn't deterred even when Arthur got on his horse. Arthur didn't wanna kill the muskrat so he had to wait until his horse wouldn't trample it.

Dropped off a bunch of pelts to Pearson to get some things made for camp. Two more boar pelts and John can have a new rug.

While trying to listen to Javier play his guitar, Pearson sits down next to Arthur and just starts playing his accordion. Rude.

Heard a few camp stories from Hosea.

Heard Susan and Karen singing, kinda getting along. Discovered Charles plays the harmonica.

Also discovered when everyone gets up in the morning and who does what chores.

Gonna go get Pearson a compass and some exterior shots of the Braithwaite's place. Might get some of the Grey's Hall thing too.

Music in that area at night is freaky.

Found Williams camp but no William. Hope he's okay.

Four guys tried to rob Arthur but he took them out before they could finish the sentence. Took out some Lemoyne Raiders, popped by Clement's Point. Got the Legendary Coyote. Back to camp for more stories.

On the road again… hm hm hm hm hm road again~

To the bayou

Found the house of the you-know-what, I don't even care about the honor loss, I needed shots of inside his house and it was the only safe way. I know something Arthur doesn't and I refuse to let him find out.

While hunting boar, found 2 perfect but could only get one as a man fell off a horse and I had to take him to the doctor… in Saint fricken Denis. Met Lillian in the saloon. She's a character alright and she would not get along with Dutch.

Every time I try to get a perfect boar pelt someone needs my help. I've met so many freaking strangers but I finally got John a rug.

Went back out to see Arthur's friend Albert.

Found a house with a lady who thought I was there to drop off loot, took the shotgun out of the case BUT Arthur left it in the basement… trying to be slick. Didn't work. She accused us of stealing anyway. We took the Donkey outside so she couldn't tell on us.

Took out all the O'Driscolls at Hanging Dog Ranch. By. Himself.

Was gone maybe 2-3 days total.

Return to camp to have Dutch come up and complain we haven't put any money in the box or anything.

Arthur proceeded to have table covers made from the Pronghorn he brought back and dropped another $100 in the box. Like he did three days before.

No one in this camp appreciate us… if we weren't trying to upgrade camp decorations we wouldn't come back until someone brought us back…

Enjoyed Charles playing the Harmonica with Grimshaw singing (this game amazes me with how many things I haven't seen before.)

—

Think I have enough to get most, if not all, of Annesburg and Van Horn done. I keep forgetting/find I'm missing something to finish the outskirts of Saint Denis but I should have it all now. I also have enough for Strawberry, Lagras, and Lakay. I've gotten a lot of surrounding smaller locations of a lot of the map. (Gonna make a map of each area (( Amberino, New Hanover, etc.)) with numbered locations and do similar posts like I did for Saint Denis and if people want more details then each place would get their own post. Big towns would be their own number as the map would be for smaller locations.)

[problemswithbooks]

deku and all might - for the character bingo!

Izuku's a hard character because I both love him, but also really that he's been hurt the lost by Hori's incessive themes and writing choices.

That's where the 'got to much screen time' comes from. The Izuku solo arc had major issues and could have worked better if we'd gotten some interspersed chapters on the other characters or a prior mini hospital arc. At the same time I also thought of putting 'didn't get enough screen time' as well, because even though the solo Izuku arc focused on him, everything happened so fast that he didn't get the character growth he needed.

The only reason I say he's done dirty by the fans is that for the most part I think people really wished he'd turned villain, or vigilante. They just really want him to look at Heroes and see them as these terrible people, even though the story never really delivered on that idea. My Hero interjects things that could make the Heroes wrong/bad people but then either fixes them or forgets about them. In the end I think some fans just wish he was a totally different character then he actually is and that's kind of sad.

I don't really think All Might really needed more screen time but he needed that screen time maybe focused on different stuff. He's probably most consistently written character in the manga which is good, but he, like most of the characters suffered from the post-war, and solo Izuku arc.

I really do like his conversation with Stain (because I like Stain) but I do wonder if, given Star & Stripe made the info Stain gave them irrelevant anyway, that maybe All Might should have had a talk with Endeavor instead. Because I do understand where people are coming from where they say that chapter seemed to be propping him, and his way of doing things up as good, when it defiantly wasn't. Using Enji instead, I think the issues All Might's idea of a single perfect Hero caused could be addressed, while also holding true to what that chapter was trying to do, which was pretty much saying despite his mistakes he's done a lot of good by inspiring so many people to be better Heroes.

As for the fans doing him dirty--it's has to do with how critical people can be of him, especially in his interactions with other characters. Like people saying he was bad for giving Izuku OfA--or on the extreme opposite end getting angry that he blew off Izuku at first and said he couldn't be a Hero without a Quirk. Or how he's bad because he called Touya 'crazy' once. or that he he didn't go off on a suicide mission to save Tenko after losing his powers. Not that he's perfect, but the criticisms of him can get a little over the top and sometimes just not true in some cases.

[irikahkrios]

Kasumi, for the character ask game!

First impression - equal parts "hell yeah cool thief who can turn invisible" and confusion as to why her being dlc meant i couldn't actually Talk to her on the normandy like most of the other squadmates.

Impression now - one of the most likeable squadmates in me2, also super useful from a gameplay standpoint (especially early in the game; she's a fucking lifesaver in the obnoxious "close the shutters" part of garrus' recruitment mission).

Favorite moment - i really enjoy the ending of her loyalty mission, with her using keiji's graybox and getting to "see" him again and be reminded of how much he loved her, because i'm a sucker for tragic romantic stuff like that. also her popping up at opportune moments during the citadel party was great and fun overall, though i could have done without some of the uncomfortable sexual jokes the writers seemed to think were so funny (the whole jack and miranda conversation comes to mind)

Idea for a story - she should have gotten a mission in me3 that was actually Hers instead of being shoehorned into something that wasn't at all relevant to her as a character. i actually get to do this in my canon since i repurpose the "indoctrinated hanar diplomat" plot for one of my drell rebellion missions on kahje, so kasumi gets a different mission that's all her own. i like the concept of this mission being about helping her steal from rich assholes who are hoarding wealth and resources in this time of crisis, and giving these resources to people who desperately need them. i mean hell, she already is shown doing essentially this in the citadel dlc, i think it'd be really cool if the idea was expanded into a full mission and shepard actually got to help her do it.

Unpopular opinion - i don't know if i really have one about her as a character, other than the me3 stuff i just talked about? but re: her loyalty mission i wish you could have brought a second squadmate. i want to see my squadmates in fancy clothes, and also the combat on that mission is kinda hard and it would be a lot less hard with two squadmates.

Favorite relationship - kasumi/jacob is an underrated ship. i like the idea of it progressing into more than just her lusting over him from afar (or, more accurately i guess, lusting over him from pretty close up but cloaked so he can't see her lmao). i'm into the concept of them getting to know each other better and being brought together by the war; like, what if in my canon where kasumi gets her own mission, jacob's group of ex-cerberus refugees is one of the groups she's giving that stolen food and supplies to? and they bond over that? i dunno, there's definitely potential to grow this pairing beyond "she watches him do a thousand pushups and thinks he's really hot." i also wish we'd gotten more snippets of her relationship with keiji (but no i'm probably not gonna read the comic about them because i'm sure it's as bad as the thane/irikah comic and will just frustrate me)

Favorite headcanon - i've seen several people post headcanons about her and thane striking up a little friendship, and i think it makes sense. their rooms are right next to each other, they're both the "shadowy sneaky criminal with a heart of gold" type, and in bioware's version of canon they both are mourning their respective romantic partners. i definitely enjoy the idea of them as friends.

[thecagedbirdsingsoffreedom]

We're going into four months.

It doesn't feel like it. It still feels like I haven't spoken to you in years but your passing feels like it happened just yesterday.

I still miss you everyday.

Every. Single. Day.

Some days are better than others. Some days I can barely manage myself from going insane.

I've gotten better at dealing with it.

I've also been seeing a therapist for a month.

So I'd be lying if I said he hasn't been a big help.

He's helping me get back to normal things. To normal day to day stuff.

But there's still a hole in my chest.

I miss you so much. I don't think that phrase fully encompasses my actual feelings.

I've never felt this before. I've never felt this kind of desperation in my life. I can't remember a moment in my life where I've felt this choking feeling so strongly and for such a prolonged period of time.

I don't know if that will ever go away.

I hope it does, but I hope even more that it doesn't.

You'll never be replaced in any way.

Not when everything was so perfect. You were so perfect.

All I have left is this feeling and memories.

And I don't want to lose anything more of yours. Even these feelings and this despair.

But I'm going about my life more. I'm trying to make more friends, trying to get out of the house more, trying to have longer conversations with my friends.

I'm trying to get back into a normal routine.

It just breaks me that my new normal no longer includes you.

I still can't get over that we went from talking daily to never again. I still hear your messages almost everyday. I haven't been able to let go of that. I don't know if I'll ever be able too.

I opened up Facebook messenger a few weeks ago and read through years of messages. I hadn't had a breakdown like that in a while. You really loved me.

I'm more convinced now than ever that I don't deserve anything else. This is what I get lol

I still choke up writing about this, but the despair isn't as all consuming. It helps that I also chose to write this when I wasn't at a desperate moment like my previous check-ins.

I'll keep writing to you. About you.

But I have to keep moving. You didn't love a soft person. I may have moments of weakness but I will never crumble. You didn't fall in love with someone that would fold.

I'm thriving at work. I wish you could see me. I've taken on more than I can chew again but it's easier to focus on that and keep me busy.

I wish you were here so we could talk about it.

I often think about what we'd be doing.

I'd probably be in NY by now. Or you'd have moved into that house you got us. That was the plan. The easier and more attainable goal - living together.

Sometimes I like to pretend. I like to pretend that i just have to wait for you to come home. I like to imagine that you're in the other room getting us snacks or cleaning or doing laundry. Or anything.

But I try not to delve too often into that because you never come back into the room. You never come back home.

I wonder how long I'll be waiting like this? As if there's anything left to wait for other than death lol

I promise I'm trying though.

It gets hard at times but I'm doing my mediocre version of best.

Which is as best as I'm willing to give right now.

I'm sorry but at the end of the day, I'm still unable to stop waiting for some sense of you.

I miss you. I always miss you.

[cosettepontmercys]

what is your favorite scene in the viscount who loved me? (fingers crossed that when i go to target on friday that gorgeous hardback is there because i want it lol)

one of my favorite things in the viscount who loved me is how kate and anthony bond over their shared grief and trauma, so i think i'd have to say the thunderstorm-library scene, and also when kate talks to mary about her nightmares and gets closure 🤍 i wish we'd gotten more of the thunderstorm stuff in the show! another scene i just really love is when kate says "you were saying some odd things in the park" and the conversation that follows. “I think the human heart must be stronger than we could ever imagine.” is one of my favorite quotes from this book!

come talk to me about books !! give me books to add to my tbr, books i should never read, give me your three favorite books and i’ll give you a rec, tell me what you’re reading !! just come talk to me about books 🥺