#with all the sacrifices I've made I don't want to fail! obviously!

[bruhstation]

it’s been a while

[generalsdiary]

09:07 am

gn!reader x Dr. Ratio

warnings: none

word count: 600~

a/n: pure brainrot, not beta read, jamming to sparkle’s theme

description: you do his eyeliner, drabble (fluff)

„hold still“ you dictate under your breath, your hand holding his chin in place.

he sighs. „I am very still-“ „yapping means you are not being still, I'll mess up the line, Veritas“ causing a glare from him. your other hand was resting on his cheek and attempting to make a perfect red line on his eyelid.

it looked... good enough when you were done. you moved your hand away, placing the brush on the nightstand and relaxing your posture. „there“

Veritas brings a small mirror to check your work, „hmm... I've done better. of course I do it every day“ his eyes leave the mirror and catch you glaring at him, „it was a bonding moment, Doctor Ratio“ your tone of voice revealing sarcasm and a hint of annoyment.

„that doesn't clear you away from criticism, especially if you wish to improve.“ his hands pull you back onto his lap, his eyes, the color of an eternal sunset, turning soft, „which would be good for you, you could then do it more often.“ Veritas smiles showing the gentle reasoning to his somewhat harsh sounding words. his swift change in behavior catches you slightly off guard.

„so hot and cold“ responding in a teasing tone.

„ah, I'd say I'm more hot than cold right now, aren't I,-“ his hand cups your chin, „my dear?“

a smile is apparent on your face, as is the eye roll, „and cocky it seems“ making him scoff at your words and look away. „don't worry Veritas, that is one of the reasons I... tolerate you“ you communicate those words in the form of a kiss on his cheek. Veritas' expression relaxes, his eyes closing.

„who's the hot and cold one now?“ his voice but a mere whisper. „unlike yourself, that isn't one of the reasons I like you.“ he waits for a response, patiently scanning your face to see if you'll try to guess. „then what is?“ guessing game isn't worth it at this moment, Veritas very obviously has a specific reason in mind and you feel excited to hear it.

„your kindness. and tolerance, towards... idiots“ to him, those words are completely true, despite his aloof character and at first glance rude behavior he cares a lot. he made sacrifices that benefit… well the whole universe; solving an energy crisis, creating serums, fixing centuries-old issues, and to him, most importantly, he continuously tries to make knowledge available to all people. of course, Ratio would appreciate those same qualities in his partner, not seeking a ‘genius’ necessarily, but rather just a humanitarian, sensible person.

Veritas' words don't fail to make you laugh and ruffle his silky soft violet hair, „and you! are my favorite~“ you exclaim proudly, with a shit-eating grin on your face, knowing he will react to the provocation.

„oh?“ he smirks as well, his hands moving from your sides to your back, he lays back and pushes you with him, making you gasp sharply. „what was it- I didn't catch that, what am I?“ he teases, his voice playful.

„an id-“ Veritas doesn't let you finish your thought, his lips crashing against yours, and when you start enjoying the kiss and the sweet taste of his lips - he pulls away, keeping it painfully short.

„hm... you were saying?“ his hand goes to the back of your head, rubbing your nape.

you frown, how dare he limit the kisses, „an idio-“ once again Veritas doesn’t let you finish the thought, pulling your lips onto his again. you can't help but chuckle and softly mumble between your lips meeting, „my favorite~“, „you mean the only one“, a laugh bubbles up your throat, even in a joke he wants it to be factually correct… or is it a hint of jealousy? doubtful, he isn’t a jealous man to your knowledge. food for thought perhaps.

„yes, the only one.“

[ohisms]

↪ 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑵𝑬𝑫 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑫𝑨𝒀 ? ( a collection of sentence starters from the 2017 film . adjust phrasing as necessary . )

i like it . did you write that ?

haven't i already told you that ?

tell me , [ name ] , what's your secret ?

you're looking fresh as a daisy .

are you okay ? you seem ...

i'm just tired . tomorrow's a big day .

that's very important , do you understand ?

why can't you just accept that this is your family ?

this isn't a family , it's a repressive regime .

you're driving us all crazy .

this is our life , it is what it is .

you're burning up . you running a fever ?

shut the fuck up .

all these years , i've been trying to figure out your angle .

you're not interested in anyone .

[ name ] . i'm onto you .

you can't just vanish .

is there a problem ?

there's obviously been a mistake , can you please tell me what i'm doing here ?

what a pleasure to meet you .

i know who you are .

i'm amazed you made it this far .

this is ... this is all a big mistake .

for your sake , i wish that were true .

is there another way ?

i can't believe this is happening .

we can't just sit here . we gotta do something !

i don't wanna die . i don't wanna die .

you're gonna be okay , i'm here .

i'm sorry . i'm so sorry .

you're supposed to be the believer .

i don't know what i believe . i don't know who i am .

they won't suffer .

sometimes , i think " to hell with it " . to hell with everybody .

do not underestimate [ name ] .

make this a priority .

we always work best as a team .

somebody wants us to disappear . the question is why .

this isn't a game , [ name ] . don't lose your head out there .

what's it gonna be ?

playing dumb doesn't suit you , [ name ] .

get the fuck out of there !

that's not an option .

i wanted to , uh ... try something new .

hold on , we've got a situation .

all your big talk , and you've ... never been with anyone ?

trust me , we're doing them a favor .

i'm scared , [ name ] . what are we gonna do ?

shhh , we're gonna get you out of here .

we failed miserably as a species on this planet .

anyone who's willing to sacrifice their own flesh and blood can never truly be trusted .

you sold us out . how could you ?

i thought you of all people would understand .

what do you know about family ?

i did everything i was told . i did everything right .

i didn't plan this . it got out of my control .

i was a total fuck - up .

if i could go back and change it all , i would .

promise me you won't let them take them .

stay with me , okay ?

[sbtorms]

Y'all know how Sunsetter is, like... my Underswap take of sorts? Well, I've recently been working on ideas for an Underfell take of sorts as well, with my own little twists.

Well, it's... kinda an Underfell take. Just a bit different in... a lot of ways.

I made up the name as I'm typing this, because I didn't have a name beforehand.

RED HAZE: Tale Of The Fallen

(or just "Red Haze")

This take has a lot of differences from the usual interpretation, including changing appearances... more than just details and clothing.

(Do note that the main cast would have different names from their Undertale counterparts. But since I can't think of any ideas for now, and also to prevent confusion, I'm just using the original names.)

Unlike in Undertale, there is no barrier keeping monsterkind from going to the surface. Hell, there isn't a mountain at all. Instead, monsterkind resides in a magically imbued forest, with only one way to leave, while entering gets one endlessly lost.

Asgore simply is biding his time, getting the souls of seven humans, to become godlike, and to wipe out humanity. No monster tries to go after Asgore, or even question his methods. Some act this way out of fear of what he could do, others that are for him and for his plan, and then the few that don't care either way.

The "routes" are named somewhat differently from what people usually call Undertale's

Path of Solace - ("Pacifist" Route) Path of Choices - ("Neutral" Routes) Path of Exploit - ("Genocide" Route)

“* You brush aside the agony.”

- this take's replacement for being "filled with determination"

AGONY is a haze that leaks from broken souls, with more of it depending how much negative energy one has when they die. It mentally and physically affects those who breathe it in. Naturally, it opposes the power of Determination, as that power does to it, destroying each other until one remains or there's nothing left. But, with enough focus, perhaps one could use both as one. Such a concept would be a focus of the Path of Exploit, specifically regarding both Undyne and Frisk.

Time for the cast!

Frisk and Chara

Admittedly, I didn't think much besides design-wise for these goobers. It's probably just that Frisk is more tired than usual and Chara was used as a sacrifice to the monsters in a failed attempt at a peace offering by humanity, actually got sick instead of it being planned, and yada-yada Asriel soul absorption and death. ...okay, maybe I thought a little for Chara. But not too much for Frisk.

The shirt patterns here are probably obviously Yumi Nikki inspired, despite the fact that I know nothing about the game itself besides some characters, lol.

The Dreemurrs (Toriel, Asgore, and Asriel)

Similar to canon Underfell, Toriel is what started this entire take concept to begin with. The idea stemmed from "what if the dreemurr family had biblically accurate angel imagery (eyes and wheels) instead of devil imagery (goats, fire, trident, y'know)?" And then I added "black sheep" into that, so that's what I ended up with.

Toriel is very fearful of humans, instead of a caretaker, running away and attacking when cornered. She uses what power she has to keep herself alone, not wanting to be emotionally tied and hurt again. (She's my favorite in the cast :3)

Asgore has been particularly affected by the AGONY of the many fallen children that died by his hand, becoming almost a tyrant, with only some of his original personality fading in and out.

Asriel is... actually not too different from canon Asriel, considering he died before everything really kicked off.

Flowey is a small mass/hivemind of bundled flowers, tied together like a "rat king". Each flower has only small snippets of past memories as Asriel, as well its own "personality", splitting Undertale Flowey’s personality into six pieces. They try to help Frisk get through the area, due to how unsafe it is. Whether they have their own goals remains to be seen.

The Blooks are shadow spirits instead of simple ghosts.

Napstablook is somewhat the same as in Undertale, other than the visual changes. Though, due to the circumstances, they’d have a bit more of an issue with their emotional state, bottling up their feelings, usually until such bursts when they can’t take it anymore.

Mettaton possesses many types of machinery, instead of just his singular body. In a way, this is due to the fact that he cannot decide on a single one.

The Ruins Dummy ghost is instead possessing a box and works as how items travel between boxes throughout the areas.

Maddie (aka "Mad Dummy" or "Mad Mew Mew" in Undertale, Maddie is sorta just a fandom nickname i think) basically acts like canon, but also a Mimic in a way, also possessing a box.

There would also be a secret boss fight against both Mettaton and Maddie, replacing Undertale's "Mad Mew Mew" one, with one where the two are trying to share the same body. The goal is to get the two to get along and work together… or just straight up destroy the body.

The Skelebros are instead lost spirits, seemingly of their original counterparts in some way...

Papyrus's goal is the same as his original, but instead in hopes of finally passing on, instead of joining a "Royal Guard". In reality, he knows he's never gonna pass on, but is in constant denial of such.

Sans, however, seems to have accepted and adapted to his “life”, and just wants to follow after his brother with whatever happens to him. He also likes dark humor, because of course he does.

The "Royal Guard" replacement is instead a cult that Undyne leads (and used to be led by Gerson), with a focus on a so-called prophecy, and using AGONY for what they see as a good thing. While they seem to be against King Asgore, it's more or less that they want him back to how he was before everything happened.

Undyne is a hooded guide throughout Waterfall (or whatever it'd be called in the take). She'd still be a fishlike monster, perhaps siren-like or anglerfish-like... or both. She protects the harmless from a gang of young monsters, led by Monster Kid.

Alphys is still the Royal Scientist, but also some form of background security in a way. She has an abundance of hidden cameras all throughout the Underground. She uses her vision across the areas for many reasons. Blackmail, catching traitors in the act, sometimes just... watching. Some monsters, especially many in the cult, have become evasive enough to miraculously avoid her gaze.

Her appearance is a bit more more based on that one beta design by Tuyoki.

[gaelfox]

Hey! I've read your analysis over why Law choose Love over hate and sincerely made my day! It's so touching and deep. I wish you could give your opinion over Law and Cora more. How did you see them both? Like just some dad and son doomed dynamic? Like Bellemere and Nami? Cause I think they're so more!!

Ahhh thank you! I could talk FOREVER about Law and Cora and their story and their dynamic. So I will. Lol. So, I think where Law and Cora's relationship falls for me, after thinking on it for awhile, doesn't really fall under the Father/Son dynamic. We've got a lot of that relationship with, like you said, Bellmere and Nami, and also with Kyros and Rebecca, and now Kuma with [REDACTED]. Parental relationships in all their forms are something that is touched upon a lot in the writing, but Cora and Law never really kind of felt that way to me. In the context of Family - the Donquihote Family specifically - it's pretty damn clear that Doflamingo holds the "head of household" that's normally associated with The Father Figure. He's authoritative, he protects his own, and he provides. Despite their actions that affected the outside world, the Family was well taken-care of. If anyone had a Father/Son dynamic in terms of societal and familial dynamic stereotypes, it's Doflamingo and Law. (And we know, Doflamingo would be a horrible father - he's teaching all the wrong lessons)

So, where does Cora fall in? Where does his aloofness-turned-overprotectiveness fit the best? His sacrifices, his joy and his rebellion against the family? Cora is, at heart, The Eldest Son and Sibling. It kind of goes like this: if you've ever grown up with an elder sibling as I have, you know that they fulfill a role in your life that is unique. While your parents are responsible for teaching their kids the ins-and-outs of societal expectation, setting standard role model behavior and passing on life lessons, elder siblings are the ones setting the example for such expectations for their younger siblings in real time. They are our first real role model that we can understand.

Cora follows a lot of the Elder Sibling Tropes, especially those of being the Rebelling Figure as well as the Secret Protector. To Start, Cora is obviously working undercover. Even before Law came into the picture, he was already working on dismantling the Family from within, and saving Baby 5 and Buffalo, mere children who were dangerously close to falling in line with Doffy's ideals. Cora was already Rebelling Against the Authoritative, Abusive Father of the Family -- but he couldn't draw attention to himself for the safety of his plan. So he plays the Mean Older Brother. The kind that pulls your pigtails and calls your names and pile drives you into the couch. Every action by which you curl your lip in disgust. But we know, his message is clear: Get out of this House. I'm Stuck Here, but You Don't Have To Be. It's a cruel understanding that only harm and violence would ever get the kids to second-guess their want to be in the Family, but it's not like he could entice them with kindness or understanding when that and more was being provided by Coolest Dad in the World Doflamingo. Cora had his hands tied. Up until Law.

Law was a different story. Cora's method worked(?) up until the point where discovering Law's name (and the impending pressure of his dying sickness) forced his hand to act completely differently than he had up until that point. Cora was then able to be the Guiding Sibling, the Protector, and the First Best Friend. After all, Dad was about to do something dangerous that the Kids couldn't stand for anymore. It was time to act. Cora Rebelled completely. He was the kid that was finally fed up with Dad swinging his fists each night, packed up his meager belongings and hit the road with little to nothing to his name. He stepped up as a role model and positive figure where Doflamingo had failed completely. Dad was an asshole, but the Eldest Brother we now understand has the capability of being kind - and his actions are now more understood. We know now that even though he thought it was "uncool" that you were tagging along in the back of his car with his friends, it was when Dad was becoming unruly again, and he was saving you from having to witness it.

Then the script and facade change, and he's no longer the Cruel, Unrelatable Older Sibling. There's awkwardness and tentativeness as he navigates this new dynamic of "Hey, I'm actually on your side...let's try to get through this together? It's okay, he's not here". He tries to be cool. He tries to be relatable, and he tries so hard to connect on Law's level. He's been there, he understands. There is nobody on earth who knows just how cruel and awful the World can be, but this is the Generation that Breaks the Trauma. This is the child that looks at the sins of the Father and says "No, no more."

And of course, we see how that goes. We see how, albeit slowly, their relationship grows close and fulfilling. Law's eyes are opened to a new path in life, a new understanding of love and sacrifice. Cora stands strong despite all odds, selflessly helping his Younger Brother overcome his obstacles, both physically and mentally - he's the new role model, the first person to say "I love you" in years. The first person batting on his side. The first person that cared and saw him at all. So yeah, not Father/Son, but much like Ace, Sabo and Luffy, I definitely feel that Cora's overall story fits so well with the Sibling Dynamic. So many older siblings are unfortunately forced to step up where their parents fail, that's a cruel fact of life, but I feel like it gives them both an opportunity to grow together and confront Doflamingo as a team -- it's a perfect rendition of what's happening in Cora and Law's story together. Thank you so much for the ask!

[justanancientfangirl]

So this might be known already, and if so....sorry. I've been a huge fan and follower of Starkid since AVPM but I have never been involved with the fandom, so again, sorry if this is out of pocket or common knowledge. I just haven't seen it mentioned. This is a long one, so...main idea up top, long explanation under the cut.

So in the Hatchetfield musicals and Nightmare Time, we are told that the Lords in black are basically evil Eldritch monsters and Webby is their good guy sister, right?

But what do we know about Webby? We know what she has told Hannah and Lex, and we know she works in opposition to her brothers. We also know that Wiggly calls her a stupid bitch, but she was also actively telling Hannah what his plans were in order to thwart him, so. My point is, we do NOT know that she is a good guy, specifically. Just that her desires don't align with her more obviously evil brothers.

We also know that time seems to loop starting at Jane's car accident and seemingly ending at a point where the Lords in Black win enough influence to potentially cause a problem for the world at large. Sometimes this is a huge deal (TGWDLM or Black Friday). The NT episodes are much smaller and it's harder to tell when a reset might have happened (it seems like NT1 was more scattershot, but NT2 happened in the same continuity, but not the same one as NPMD).

The Lords we see in NT2 are Pokey and Nibbly. Nibbly gets what he wants (ie Linda Monroe) but Pokey doesn't in (presumably Killer Track) or Yellow Jacket. And Linda's dad says that Nibbly gets his Honey Queen Every year (I wonder how many times it's been her), so Nibbly getting what he wants isn't enough to reset the timeline. Possibly because he only gets one lady at a time?)

Some of the Lords seem more intent on being a real influence on the whole world (Pokey, Wiggly) others seem more content to mess with a smaller group (Blinky, Nibbly, Tinky).

We don't know what Webby wants, except that she doesn't want her brothers to succeed in getting what THEY want.

So: she creates a time loop. She sticks her brothers in a bit of a trap where they can potentially get free, but only in Hatchetfield to then spread to the world at large (Wiggly had influence all over the world (tho primarily in America it seems) but chose Linda Monroe as his vessel to come into the world even though the US and Russia had portals into the black already.)

Webby spins her stories, over and over, every time Hatchetfield fails to stop one of her brothers, she unravels it to the starting. Weird things keep happening in Hatchetfield, like in Perkys Buds that don't seem to relate to a specific Lord and their bid for power. Magic runs rampent in the town, seemingly stemming from the Starry Children cult. Now, they were worshipping the Lords in Black, but there has to be a reason that the Lords are so prevalent in the towns history, especially if Webby is the one who is resetting everything to Jane's death.

Tinky is the Time Bastard. If Webby trapped the Lords well, potentially with the sacrifice of Jane, he and the others might not have been able to properly escape, but they could use his time powers to influence the past of Hatchetfield. Like IT does with Derry. They've been a slow poison in Hatchetfield for decades, their magic and power causing a troubled past and weird events to occur. They try to break free, but if they get too close, their sisters web closes in and sends them back to the Black and the people of Hatchetfield back to the night Jane died.

Miss Holloway says that the deal she made for power comes with the cost that none can truly know her. She knows a lot about the Lords in Black and magic as well. It's indicated that she knows Webby as well in The Witch in the Web. We don't know with whom she made her deal, but I think it's likely it was Webby.

Webby also says to Hannah that she didn't give Hannah her power, but she also hasn't helped her understand it much, considering that Hannah thought Webby did in fact send her the visions, including the one that ended with her finger getting chopped off. To that end, when Hannah tried to confront her about it, Webby first tries to show up as a spider, and then as several (annoying) characters to distract her instead of trying to help, like she says she wants to do.

Who knows why Lex and Hannah have powers connected to the Black and White, maybe it's some weird Hatchetfield stuff, maybe their mom was the first to grow weed in the witchwood, maybe she had sex with a dude secretly possessed by one of the Lord's (it would have had to happen twice, so...idk about that) or maybe she herself was possessed by one of the Lords (Or Webby herself, planning for the future to make little soldiers to fight her brothers in the physical world). Not sure where that leaves the other kids with powers in YJ but none of them can do their magic outside the arena, and none of their powers seem to relate to the Black and White. So...maybe that's just Pokey giving them some power with his blue goop in his own quest to get Hannah to bring him into the world.

Anyway. Long post but...I just haven't seen anyone suggest that theory yet, and I thought it merits questioning.

I just don't think we can fully trust Webby. Not that she is definitely evil ... But she is an Eldritch god. She is bound to have a different view of morality than humans. And if what she wants is to get one over on her brothers, who she doesn't like and who don't seem to like her (well, Wiggly doesn't, and he seems to be the leader) then why shouldnt she use a town like Hatchetfield to do it, spinning her webs, he stories, and slowly trapping everyone inside. Hell, maybe every time they lose, they get a little more stuck.

We don't see the end of the world at the end of NPMD, but it definitely ends with Grace going on a rampage. I just wonder how long that will be allowed to last.

Fingers crossed for NT3 or another musical I guess.

[reductionisms]

bitchslap again: deception volume

today, i return to my longtime enemy: the 4devas bitchslap. this is partly in response to @joelletwo 's 4devas poll propaganda, which I promised to respond to in 3-5 business days (obviously, this didn't work out, my sincerest apologies), but it also reflects the expanded thinking i've been doing through joelle's bitchslap exegetical developments. very fun.

in any case, despite the years i've spent thinking about this, i still can't integrate the bitchslap into my gintama cosmology. why? because i find it annoying. in all seriousness, though, i've come to the point where i think that if kagura, katsura, hasegawa, or literally any other character in the entire series, punched gintoki through two walls for saying "hey kids, i don't want you to die", i wouldn't have this issue. unfortunately, the world doesn't work out how you'd like it to. which is essentially what shinpachi tries to say. somehow he just makes me want to pull my hair out when he does.

but honestly, i'm consciously someone who sat through shoass flashbacks getting mad at takasugi for making everything about him (incredible way to watch gintama, btw. i highly recommend). thus, in light of my own strange prejudices, i've never been able to textually justify my hatred of the bitchslap. if the 16,000 words i spent on it showed me anything, it was the seeming impossibility of personal justification.

yet joelle points out something very valuable, no, essential, to 4devas bitchslap exegesis, that i am ashamed to say i missed: inevitability. everyone here is being forced to act in the way they are acting, including shinpachi. not one person can help their self-sacrifice(?), deception, fighting, or bitchslap; the layers of deception and sheer circumstance simply force them to act in the ways that they're acting, to push along this dogged plot. in other words, just as gintoki has to, is required by the essence of who he is, to say that life is loss, his kids are forced to refute this. yay, no one wins.

to make this point, joelle locates 4devas' plot-generating instance in the communication-deception dichotomy (which i also missed. head in hands). this dichotomy gave me an opportunity for personal bitchslap-anger introspection. that is: why does shinpachi punching gintoki through two walls annoy me here, and nowhere (kagura arc, yagyuu arc) else? because shinpachi is being annoying (don't worry, i'll be more nuanced later).

finally, when i made the ill-fated promise to produce this in 3-5 business days, i had the foresight to allow myself such a hilariously insufficient turnover period because i needed to formalize some thoughts on time. it was only after struggling through 4devas complaints that i realized i should think about gintama time; so now, i take the reverse route and think about 4devas complaints through gintama time. that is, as joelle says, the (mathematical) kernel that is the bitchslap comes down to a youthful optimimsm versus jaded layabout in his 30s, a conflict that is deceptively about time.

1. inevitability

joelle lays this out in the poll propaganda, so there's little else to say. what i would like to expand upon is that, for someone who thinks about gintama-loserhood as much as i do, here i miraculously failed to see the other essential side to losing: being wrong about your own pessimistic view of the world.

this is exactly what gintoki says in many other places. the loser is the one who stands up in irrationality. this is equally against the optimist-- if we work hard enough, things will work out, because that's what's rational-- as it is against the pessimist-- nothing will ever work out because the world sucks. in other words, the proper gintama Loser will lose against optimism and pessimism. gintoki, in what looks like his "assurance" of defeat, is committing actual seppuku-- or, in loser terminology, winning. he should know that he has to lose against his own pessimism to be a real loser.

again, this is just another way to look at the bitchslap. it fits quite nicely into the seppuku question, which i have dealt with elsewhere (namely, is gintoki actually trying to commit seppuku/win in pessmism?). but just as i can say that gintoki is being forced into saying what he says, so is, perhaps, shinpachi; there really is a manipulative sense of inevitability that hangs over 4devas kabukicho like a cloud. included in this inevitability is perhaps the inevitability that gintoki is wrong. which, without its visceral content ("life isn't about losing!") could be mapped efficiently onto guardian dog arc, kintama, or even the cliff. in other words, if gintama is about accepting inevitability, gintoki also must accept the inevitability of being stupid; the world doesn't work out how you want it to, et cetera.

2. communication-deception

for this, i had the fun time of going back and thinking: okay, when else has shinpachi pissed me off (and not for actual heinous crimes)? there is no other situation that gets to me quite like 4devas, but he does get on my nerves in yagyuu and beam saber arcs.

this is actually really sad for shinpachi. i get mad at him here for essentially being the annoying shounen heroine who stands in the way of the angsty male protagonist and ultimately derails the plot (yay, misogyny transferred onto the average Guy of all Guys). sorry shinpachi. i do think that being a girl would fix you. i also think it's really funny that you do this and not kagura or any other woman (thank god). rare and unintentional sorachi w.

yagyuu setup is basically the same as 4devas. otae (who is actually gintoki) self-sacrifices in silence to protect everyone. shinpachi naively-- and shounenly-- tries to "take her back"; when otae says she's staying with the yagyuu, he tells her she doesn't know anything and slaps her across the face. BUT. key here. otae slaps him back! (if memory serves, the slap sends him into the ground) and tells him that he doesn't know jackshit, that she does want to go back, but she can't. the narrative setup leaves her justified and shinpachi developing his character for a couple episodes.

beam saber. shinpachi doesn't actually annoy me that much, just some key points that echo 4devas. why doesn't he annoy me? because when he starts to annoy me with his protestations of naivete and optimism (again, hilariously similar to the shonen author's misogynist caricature of Woman) gintoki gets to prove him wrong, or, better put, slap him back (push him into a tree) (obvious disclaimer: i don't think we should be pushing kids, or women, or anybody, into trees). is gintoki particularly justified in this instance? not really, the situation is more complex. so when the shimura siblings go against gintoki's wishes and shinpachi saves his life, i'm far more at peace with that, because gintoki's the one butting in.

which begs the question: why am i so irritable about this sort of thing in general? actually, what was most illuminating to me on this point was recovering my first-watch thoughts about takasugi. joelle draws the direct parallel several times in his essay; and though i brought takasugi up in seppuku appendix, i never thought to directly compare the two, cliff vis a vis bitchslap. so here we are.

takasugi pissed me off... because he was annoying (yes, circular answer). he pissed me off because to me, the insane watcher with no outside influence at the time (twitter break), it seemed like he kept trying to ruin gintoki's life for no apparent reason. he pissed me off because, again, to me, the insane watcher, he was the average darkhaired shounen rival who screams and cries just like a shounen Woman but more masculinely, and who ultimately can only be fixed by joining the protagonist's harem as docile wife no. 32 (poor gintoki). yeah, whatever.

but really, what pissed me off was how takasugi (through my unknowing eyes. i was in for the shock of a lifetime) shamelessly inserted himself into a horrible and tragic situation between gintoki and shouyou and "made it all about him". in those few minutes before my life was irreparably changed for the worse, i thought to myself: gintoki wouldn't have had to kill shouyou if not for you, so why are you so whiny that you can't die? why so ungrateful? how can you so explicitly and callously trample all over their dying wishes for you like that? you're not actually being filial! die die die. et cetera. (forgive me. i was a much worse hater back then).

my life was irreparably changed for the worse because i realized, oh, he knows.

let me unpack this. my life was ruined when i realized takasugi knew. and my life was ruined worse (i was forced to forgive him) when i was struggling through silver soul and had to watch him say, if you want to follow me, pick up that gun and shoot yourself through the head, because that's what i'm trying to do.

from the beginning, takasugi was trying to kill gintoki. he equates this with killing himself. the reason he's trying to kill gintoki in the first place is because he knows. he knows why gintoki did what he did, and he forgives him for that in the same instant that he hates him for it. hence the beast, et cetera et cetera. but: communication.

go back to shinpachi. in yagyuu arc, shinpachi doesn't know anything when he slaps otae, and otae rightfully slaps him back. in beam saber, shinpachi "doesn't know anything" (is holding onto childish delusion rather than true irrationality about obi-wan), and thus gets slammed into the tree. he can only come and fight with obi-wan after he is, quite literally, taught a lesson. equally, joelle comes back to, why the bitchslap after gintoki's confession? why this placement? which i would agree with. when shinpachi acts like this (annoys me, sorry shinpachi) the resolution is almost always to teach him what he doesn't know. why not here?

transparently, because that's not the lesson that sorachi wants to "teach"; he wants to force gintoki through being jirocho's narrative parallel, so gintoki has to learn a lesson about passing down your promises to your descendants to fulfill. the only problem is that this just. doesn't work for gintoki, the yorozuya, or otose's family at all. we might ask, equivalently, should jirocho "learn" to let pirako fight people much, much stronger than her (even though she's strong herself)? again, shitty writing.

back to takasugi. [takagin] as Platonic form creates a new sort of reality, in part because takasugi hates gintoki in the same instant that he understands and loves him entirely. shinpachi doesn't know, or understand, or try to understand, gintoki, when he bitchslaps him. we could say, well, he's young, or, well, there wasn't time, but that would be a little bit facetious. after all, if we're to believe sorachi's fucked up ages, takasugi was only 17 when gintoki kills shouyou-- and that's one year older than shinpachi. again, the routine is that shinpachi acts out of this misunderstanding and then learns a lesson that helps him better understand the situation. kyuubei tells us this, quite literally, in yagyuu (you have no awareness of how you've been supported and helped by everyone around you). and honestly, this set up makes sense-- shinpachi is the most Normal Shounen protagonist in the entire gintama cast, so of course he would need the most character development and growing up. it just got fumbled here. for jirocho development purposes. maybe.

in which case, i guess i'm advocating for the bitchslap-- but the bitchslap needs an actual gintoki response. if 4devas was caused by deception-- if maybe the cliff could have gone differently because of miscommunication-- then why can shinpachi refuse, so blatantly, to listen to gin?

3. time

time is related to self and change, so this actually circles back to 1. here i'm specifically thinking about my bootleg concept of [time], but it takes a lot of effort to read my prerequisite temporo-ontology (thank you joelle. i love you), so i'll try to summarize it: [time] is the irrational instance that births all of time because it is uncountable infinity. that is, [time] is an irrational decision (to cut off shouyou's head, to work in a shabu-shabu hostess bar to protect your vacant dojo) that is predicated on a paradoxical, unrecoverable past and gives birth to a future beyond imagination (an uncountable infinity). et cetera, et cetera. what is important here is the absolute irrationality and its inaccessible past.

[time] is found, always, in losing. another name for it would be winning-in-losing. again, to lose properly, you must lose against pessimism as well as optimism; hence gintoki's standing-up does not feel pessimistic, even though it speaks to an impossibility ("even if i have to walk over your corpse"). i guess we're talking about a sort of impossible-impossibility hope, which i first put into words when considering the bitchslap temporally. that is, i thought, what if shinpachi is calling us to that weird, loser-ish hope? i won't necessarily say he is anymore. but anyways, for such a hope, you must lose.

equally so, this irrationality-hope-winning-in-losing is founded in an inaccessible past (itself, perhaps, an uncountable infinity). the content of that past is itself irrationality; so it is the mother of all irrationality, that produces all uncountable infinity, i.e. the future. both otae and gintoki fight to protect this, and from the first chapter set up, we see that it's something shinpachi is supposed to learn. the kid who couldn't understand why his sister would protect such a past must grow up into someone who does so himself; i think he does, by the end of the series. maybe.

but irrationality says: even if nothing changes (even if i can't change anything), even if everything changes (even if i can't hold onto anything), i'll still stand up, because of, for, this past. is gintoki doing this in 4devas? who the hell knows. is shinpachi doing this? who the hell knows-- but there's perhaps a bit more evidence that he isn't. after all, he refuses to understand gintoki's past, much less his sister's. his hope is first-level, not impossible-impossibility, because it hasn't squared with the fact that he might lose. which is only a slight difference, but it makes all the difference in the world.

to be truly irrational, you have to look at both possibility and impossibility and decide to keep going anyways. if i suggested gintoki might not be looking at possibility (he's being too pessimistic), then shinpachi is probably not looking at impossibility (he's being naive. which again, is an established character trait). does this mean that gintoki should go kill himself to protect his kids? not necessarily-- though i've argued back and forth on whether he's actually trying to kill himself, and whether he is justified in dying for his children. but again, it means that shinpachi needs to listen. communication is a two-way street. back to joelle's question: why after gintoki's confession? yes, maybe gintoki should've been more open with his kids, but here he is being open (well, open for him) and he gets bitchslapped for it. mystifying writing choice.

(the jirocho parallel won't work to tell the lesson you want it to here!)

again, i'm somehow resistant to certain types of "gintoki character development" and/or knowing what's going on gintoki's head. should you tell kids all of your struggles as an adult? certainly if it helps prevent a worse outcome; but whether or not it can, it's hard on the kids in another way. so communication might have been able to solve something here, but i also think that maybe everyone was just doing what they had to, which also means that gintoki had to say nothing and do what he did. that's just who he is.

in which case shinpachi had to bitchslap gintoki, and the issue is that gintoki should have responded (like otae in yagyuu). we can almost say that he had to respond, and somehow, did not. because the truth is that shinpachi does need to learn that there are things-- and pasts-- so sad they can't be solved, that "tears cannot wash away"-- which he eventually learns in beam saber, which has kind of always acted for me like a resolution to 4devas. perhaps gintoki needs to learn to be less pessimistic, which would be a completely valid development; i just struggle to see this in his character.

4devas' plot commitment should be to progress time (in another loop) through [time]. by looking at this through inevitability, communication, and some of [time] itself, i'm paradoxically more reassured that the bitchslap is not annoying (everyone was just acting as they had to) at the same time that i am more reassured the bitchslap should never have existed like this (why no lesson learned?) i guess that's life: things don't work out as you want them to. and if 4devas' overall lesson was, via jirocho, to give birth to the you who is not you and entrust the unimaginable future to them, then 4devas does generate time through [time] (albeit convoluted-ly). in the end, as it is with all things, the trouble might just be bad writing.

[quietwingsinthesky]

MASTERFUL [+ even] SCENE ???

[Saxon groaning pathetically.]

EVEN (shouting) Master!

SAXON Present.

EVEN (curt) I don't belong to you. (shouting again) Missy!

SAXON Well, she's not here.

[An expectant silence followed by Saxon getting to his feet on his own noisily. Another expectant silence, this time followed by footsteps drawing closer. Another pair interrupts them, Even's, taking only two steps before they both stop.]

Please, don't look too happy to see me.

EVEN I'm not.

SAXON (lying) The feeling's mutual. (singsong) She's not coming back for you, (regular) so you're stuck with me. Doesn't that make you nostalgic?

[Even doesn't respond for long enough to disrupt the flow of the conversation.]

EVEN You would have come back.

[Even sighs.]

SAXON Obviously I would have. You're my pack mule.

EVEN Don't call me that.

SAXON Would you prefer guard dog? You do still have that gun somewhere?

EVEN (ignoring him) Eight.

SAXON What?

EVEN Eight versions of you. I had an equal chance to end up with any of them. Or alone. Or with… Um. (frustrated) She, um. The woman who wasn't you. (eureka) Miss Grant.

SAXON One of the Doctor's other pets. A very old model.

EVEN (audibly restraining themself from repeating him in any way) Or I could have gotten the one who sounded like Jack. I liked him.

SAXON Who?

EVEN Sunglasses.

SAXON You want Agent Smith? You can't complain that I'm mistreating you and then ask for him. Do you want to know how he got that accent?

EVEN Not really.

SAXON He took it when he took that body. It's human. It had a life, a wife, a-

EVEN You did that.

SAXON (annoyed) He did it more recently. The sunglasses cover up its eyes. Dead give away otherwise. He crawled inside it, made himself at home, and failed to make it count for anything.

EVEN You failed.

SAXON (angry) I won! You'll believe Missy, like she's done anything with her own life-

EVEN (matching his volume) It's your life!

SAXON Exactly! I'm not throwing it away for her to waste! I deserve this!

[Silence. Wind.]

What are you doing with your face? Stop it.

EVEN (upset) I'm not doing anything.

SAXON (disgusted, mostly with his own reaction) Close your eyes. Stop looking at me like that.

[He huffs. Even sniffs. He shifts, as though looking away and back again.]

I told you to close them. Now, look what you've done.

EVEN (crying) I'm not doing! Anything!

SAXON Do I have to hit you?

EVEN (no hesitation) Yes.

[Silence.]

[A slap.]

[Even squeaks. Then they let out a harsh breath.]

SAXON Done?

[Even sniffles and breathes in with just as much effort.]

EVEN Done.

[They breathe in again. In the distance, there's the rumble of a car. Saxon turns to watch it as Even exhales.]

Why didn't you say you could do that?

SAXON You asked for it. Don't act all 'woe is me' because I left a bruise.

EVEN (pleased) Left a-? (stops themself) No. About bodies. About. You said you-

SAXON He.

EVEN You got inside another person.

SAXON (innuendo) Every other day, if I can help it.

[Even sniffs again. They don't get it.]

EVEN (whispering, mimicking Saxon) If I can help it. Help. (regular) You should have told me what I was there for. If you wanted me around because I'm human and you can- However you do it. Why didn't you?

SAXON (the answer is because I wasn't going to, or because I was and I decided not to later and then I'd have to come up with a reason why that both of us would believe, or because I still would have if I had to in order to live, and then I would have eaten you all up until there was nothing left, and you'd be gone, do you understand that, you'd be gone.) I had enough trouble keeping you on a leash when you were waiting for me to kill you. You really think I would have let it slip that I wanted to wear you to stay alive. You'd have shot me. I've had enough of that for one regeneration.

[Two pairs of footsteps. One moves back. The other advances.]

[Even hums.]

EVEN I don't look good in sunglasses.

SAXON I don't look good in human. We all have to make sacrifices.

EVEN (tiredly) Sacrifices. Because you deserve it.

SAXON See? That wasn't so hard. You always come around to my way of thinking. (realizing something) So stay close to me. And… if we run into me again, don't listen to what I have to say. What they have to say. Especially her.

EVEN (half a laugh) Heh.

[The sound of another car passing in the distance. They're both quiet.]

SAXON So, do you have that gun?

EVEN Yes. (pause) I'm not going to kill anyone for you, Master.

[Two pairs of footsteps, heading away together. Their voices get similarly distant, slowly trailing off and leaving the wind behind.]

SAXON No, I'm sure they'll be very helpful and give us the car if you show it off.

EVEN And if they don't?

SAXON Then, I'll kill them. Spare you the trouble. (muttering) I don't know why you care. The Doctor's gone. You can't impress her anymore.

EVEN I still don't believe you.

SAXON I threw her into a star!

EVEN (mimicking him, mockingly this time) Into a star! You don't believe you, either. You're still waiting for her to show up.

SAXON Why don't we just walk the rest of the way in silence?

[Silence and further shuffling of footsteps]

EVEN (very faintly, far away) You're right. This is nostalgic.

[vulpixhoney]

I'm definitely just yelling into the void but I'm sharing my Luke Castellan playlist (again) and analyzing some of my songs choices because I have. brain worms. about these books. so character study with music

I have like 8+ hours of song in this playlist bc I've been adding to it for years so here are some highlights I'm thinking about rn

1. would've could've should've - Taylor Swift

but like. it's for him and Kronos you know. "And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil. At nineteen" literally dancing with the devil at 19. Kronos has been manipulating Luke since he was 17, taking his anger at the gods and twisting it into something that Kronos could use and abuse. And I think (imo) that even before TLO when Luke sacrifices himself he starts to regret joining Kronos but is so far in it now he can't turn back. Like he was a kid, he was seventeen. And even after that he's still young. He dies at 23/24, I'm 23 right now and I can't imagine getting literally possessed and having to kill yourself bc you got manipulated at a young age and made terrible choices. also "If you never touched me, I would’ve. Gone along with the righteous" if Kronos didn't reach out to him and one of his worst moments this wouldn't have happened. Yes Luke was angry and vengeful and burning with rage for the gods but he wouldn't have gotten that far without Kronos

2. sanity - paramore

him and his descent/fall from grace, but also his relationship with Hermes and the rest of the gods. "If I fall on my knees, I hear you laughing. If I call out your name, you don't come" taking this for his relationship with the gods/Hermes: the first line is like, when he fails his quest and has to go confront them and feels like they're looking at him with pity. And they gave him a nothing quest too, it was something that had already been done by Heracles, he's being given this quest just for the sake of quest-giving, it's nothing. And then he fails, and feels like he's being mocked, mocked by the people he just wants to notice him. And then the second line shows how absent the gods are in their children's lives. When Luke confronts Hermes at 14/15 when on the run he gets mad because he would pray and call for Hermes to help him during his mom's episodes. He was a little boy calling out for help, for the something the gods caused. And it was crickets. Hermes never came, never showed, never helped him. He was just left there alone. And then also at camp, Luke was counselor of the Hermes cabin, where all the unclaimed children are shoved, to be forgotten about by the gods. "No one home, but the void is loud.Echoes around my empty house... This must be the void they always talk about" honestly I see this when he's possessed by Kronos. Like he has another being inside him, taking over, piloting his body over him. His consciousness was obviously still there bc Annabeth and Percy were able to help him break free and stop Kronos. So what was he doing, could he feel anything? Could he feel everything and not be able to do anything? It must have been terrifying, and again he would've only been like maybe 22? when Kronos possessed him

3. sidewalk chalk - Annalise Emerick

this one for me is like quintessential my feeling about Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth. In the song she sings about a childhood friend she no longer talks too but thinks about often thinks about and wishes well. I see this mostly with like Annabeth. "I'm living my dreams right now The ones we used to talk about" She grew up with him, and is now going to continue growing up without him. She probably blabbed about her dreams of being an architect the way that kids always do, and now she's the architect of Olympus and is doing really well for herself. And probably thinks back to when she was a kid with Luke and Thalia.

4. I don't like my mind - mitski

I think that his anger at the gods was driving him mad, but Kronos' influence really pushed over the edge. Also going back to before, his living in his body that another being has control over, "Inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk". Ethan tells Percy that he thinks Luke is still in there, fighting back, trying to regain control over his body and his mind. And since he definitely was, he was probably in there spiraling about how he got to that point and all that he'd done and who'd hr become. Because once Annabeth helps him break through he is obviously regretful and wants to atone. "so please don’t take, Take this job from me" job/life. but also, him working for Kronos at that point was all he had. Literally. His job for Kronos was his lite He had given everything up at that point, and Kronos would routinely threaten Luke if/when he fails. Punishing Luke with nightmares and then forcing Luke to take him as a host bc he failed during the Atlas plan.

rapid fire songs I put in the playlist that I think about a lot:

eat your young - Hozier (obviously. I mean the gods ya know)

day after tomorrow - Phoebe bridgers (he's a soldier)

save me - Noah kahan (even after everything he's done Annabeth still tries to save him)

used to be young - Miley Cyrus (he was seventeen)

bad believer - st. Vincent (he's blasphemous what can I say)

[pascaloverx]

As It Was (S2)

Chapter Fourteen (final)

previous chapter

Author's note: Dear readers, this is the end of this story that made me very happy. It's the third fanfic I've completed and the first one I've written. It's been a personal pleasure, and I hope you follow my other fanfics if you can. The end of this fanfic with Bucky Barnes.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS STORY, there may be adult content and verbal and physical violence.

The end of the story is always too nostalgic, the conclusion of an entire narrative that guided you through a part of life. In books, the end is marked by the conclusion of the main story. But in my life, the ending is marked by blood.

"Listen carefully, future Mrs. Barnes. I want you in the back of this building unarmed and alone. I promise to give you the clean and peaceful death you deserve. One of your best friends is already dead, I believe you wouldn't want others to die too..." Killian speaks in my ear with a macabre tone. He killed Dave, it must be. Damn it, Bucky was right, my plan went wrong.

My heart skips a beat at the thought that my best friend may have died because I couldn't let it go. I couldn't help but cry at the thought of my friend being dead, because of me. My vision blurred, almost causing me to collapse to the ground, feeling a knot in my stomach; while next to me, Steve had already lost consciousness.

"Melisa!" James Barnes is coming towards me with a concerned expression. I don't want to have to tell him that everything went terribly wrong.

"Why is your shirt, your suit, stained... there's blood smeared here too. Don't come closer. In fact, get the rest of the guys and run. I thought I could take on Killian, but he'll never let me survive it all." I can't hold back the tears when I realize this is our farewell. A forever goodbye from two unlucky lovers trapped in a love story doomed to fail.

"Do you think I'm going to run away and leave you here to face a psychopath alone?" Barnes approaches, but I step back. If he gets close to me, it will be my end. I can't leave, I can't give up on him. But that means exposing everyone to death.

"My life is not worth the sacrifice, my love. Think of Yelena, Sam, Wanda, and... Dave may be injured somewhere in this building. Killian won't leave here without me, so let me be his only victim. Survive, live. That's all I ask of you." It's not easy to say these words, but I need to be strong. Barnes obviously isn't leaving; in fact, he only gets closer and closer to me. Soon Killian will be in the back of this building, and if I don't go there, I believe he will kill everyone. Even though it doesn't make sense, I can't think straight right now.

"My love, I'm with you. Till death do us part. Killian may have harmed Dave and Sam, we may not know exactly where Yelena and Wanda are, but look... we all know how to take care of ourselves, and we knew the consequences of your plan. Dying is part of life." The tranquility in Barnes' voice is enviable. I don't even notice when he hugs me, trying to reassure me. The despair weighing on my heart begins to fade, as does the feeling that the world is spinning around me.

"What are we going to do, Barnes?" Is all that comes out of my mouth before Bucky kisses my lips softly. To an outsider, one wouldn't imagine that there's a wounded man lying nearby and a murderer hunting me down.

"You pray that my aim is very bad. I warned you, dear Melisa. It would have been better if only you had died, but I must say that James is a perfect addition. Any last words?" Killian speaks, pointing a gun at both of us. If he were to shoot now, he would hit Barnes first, and if it went through him, the bullet would hit me. But he doesn't do that; it's as if Killian wants to be face to face with me and Barnes. Curious fact, an agent as well-trained as Barnes is always prepared. Prepared to the extreme. So prepared that I myself am startled to see him pull out a sharp-bladed knife and throw it towards Killian, who react.  The knife was on Barnes' waist, and now it has pierced Killian's skull, essentially killing him. A great day for us, I would think, but unfortunately, before dying, he shot towards nothing. That nothing hit Barnes' chest. I couldn't even react. The man of my life was dying right in front of my eyes. 

"Shit, shit, shit, shit.... you, I'm going to try to stop the bleeding. Stay awake. Hey, my love, stay awake." I say, holding back the tears that are already threatening to come out. I tear the bottom part of my wedding dress, trying to prevent the blood from flowing.

"You know, I knew since that barbecue that I would die for you. I just didn't think it would be so soon. I..." Barnes says with difficulty, letting out a grunt of pain as I hold the torn fabric against his chest, "didn't want to die without saying that I love you. Loving you certainly made me a happy man." It's all he can say as the sparkle in his eyes is fading. I kiss his lips with a taste of blood, fearing that no one will come to help. I scream loudly for help. The priest who was supposed to marry us appears behind me; seeing that Barnes is injured, he says he will seek help.

"You heard, my love, the priest is going to get someone to help. And you'll be okay. We'll get married again, and I'll be Mrs. Barnes. We'll grow old together and maybe have one or two children. Don't leave me here without you." I can't hold back the tears anymore, and then my sobbing takes over me. Barnes tries to respond, but his eyes close. They close never to open again. 

I don't remember how long I stayed on the floor crying, screaming for Barnes to come back, cursing everything and everyone. All I know is that at some point my voice was gone. And I passed out. I woke up in a hospital a day later, thinking it was all just a nightmare. But in Yelena's eyes, who was beside me in the hospital room, I saw the look of someone who lost someone very dear. She informed me that while I was dealing with Steve, she, Sam, and Wanda were being captured by Killian's henchmen. By the time they finally got rid of the henchmen, it was too late. Dave and Barnes were dead. She tried to console me, but I was too exhausted. So, crying, I eventually fell asleep.

One year later...

"Sam, grab the bag for me, I can't go anywhere without Bucky's special bag." I shout as I hold my son in my arms, rocking him back and forth. Sam comes down the stairs with the bag. Today is the day to visit the graves of the men I loved and who died. My father, James, and Dave.

"This boy is getting bigger every day. You were just a little bump in your mom's belly the other day. Now you even have a special bag." Sam says to little Bucky, who is all alert today.

"My godson looks like a little man in the outfit his godmother gave him, doesn't he?" Yelena says, playing with Bucky's fingers as he tries to put her fingers in his mouth. He's in a phase of putting everything he sees in his mouth.

"Melisa will have to have a lot of patience to put up with you two pampering Bucky. Now, put the baby in the car seat, the way to the cemetery is long, and little Bucky has a bedtime." Wanda says, patting Sam and Yelena on the back as they hurry to put the baby and his things in the car. At that moment, I smile, thinking about how blessed I am to have them by my side. We arrived at the cemetery about forty minutes after leaving my house. Everyone paid their respects to the deceased, and lastly, I introduced our son to his father.

"So, my love. This one, sleeping peacefully in my arms, is our son. If you're wondering, we made him the same day we fought because I made a stupid plan and you didn't want to participate. And you were right. Unfortunately, I'm late to say this. I'm sorry you can't see our baby, but he looks just like you. I swear, he even has your eyes," I say, touching Barnes' gravestone while holding our son with the other hand. Our son is sleeping so peacefully that it feels like I can sense Barnes with us.

"I have to take him home now, but I want you to know that even though you're not here physically, all of us, especially me, will always teach little Bucky here about the hero you were." I say, bidding farewell and leaving. Barnes and I didn't live a perfect love story, but we definitely experienced a love that made history.

The End

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

@dollhidden asked for a 'Plot's Please!' for their characters, BUT TUMBLR ATE THE MESSAGE AFTER I TRIED TO SAVE THE DRAFT! Very Sadge!

send me “plots please” and I’ll respond with 3 (or more) interesting plots / relationships / connections I can think of for our muses! | ACCEPTING

HEY LADYBUG!! Happy New Year! How've you been doing? I hope it's been well! I won't lie to you; I went a little hard with these ones, and the major reason I made Doe multi-verse and more inspired by Dead By Daylight was because of you and your muses, or more specifically, wanting to roleplay with you in your verses!! ASDASDSADH

POTENTIAL INTERACTION COMBINATIONS / INTERESTING DYNAMIC IDEAS

Okay, so, straight off the bat, given how long we've been mutual and all the convos we've had, I don't think I really need to spend the time selling you on my muses and explaining their entire deals and instead focus on the many potentially interesting combinations with a couple bits of explanations for them while completely VIBRATING with excitement! ASDHASDHASD

So first, Fíadh, now I THINK I've told you about Fíadh before, but just in case, this is a bun memory moment, let me rewind. In the broadest sense, she is an Inscryption based oc that takes notes from the entity known as Leshy for her background. She's a mix of folklore, classically dark fairy tales, gods that hold humans to the exact bestial nature as all other animals, sacrifice, bloodshed and the brutal beauty of nature. Now, she isn't CONSTRAINED to Inscryption; it's just an important context for understanding both the sort of woman and character that she is! She is my not-so-feral, malevolent, formerly human mountain-dwelling monster that will eat people alive! She's fun and sassy, like a goat, but also an apex predator who knows that about herself.

NOW THIS IN MIND: Fíadh would be FASCINATING to watch and interact with any of the RE: Village muses. Now, this is partially because being confronted with the fact that she's not the most dangerous beast in the woods would be a startling revelation. But also, more like her but not like her, ones that left their humanity behind, who gave it up for 'family' and duty in exchange for this feeling of belonging and love.

Especially Lady D or any of the daughters, because, like, Fíadh isn't feral feral but she is so unacquainted with 'proper' 1910s+ manners that I think it would be funny for the girls to have a 'WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO DO IT?' and Lady D having a minor coronary because HER HOUSE, her nice, clean house is getting HOOF PRINTS PUT EVERYWHERE AND SNOW!! NO YOU GIRLS CAN'T KEEP HER!!

NOW SALLY, SALLY, MY BELOVED, my mean ghost lady who will adopt 90% of your muses. You know Sally, I don't need to explain Sally but like, hear me out:

Sally adopts Rosie inside the fog or in Sally's post-fog AU. Now, in the fog, the AU is pretty obvious, the Entity is feeding on the tragedy that's befallen everyone's favorite mold baby and the lycan monsters that have hunted her father in his endless quest to rescue her.

BUT POST-FOG AU?? Rosie is in recovery from the events of the DLC that have had an obviously traumatizing effect on her. Sally, who herself has been a victim to very similar circumstances in the fog both BEING the murder ghost and being eternally tormented and torn apart by the ghosts of her patients reaching out for help, is trying to take her underwing and help her step forward in a way that Best DadTM Chris can't fully help because he's never lived through a hell comparable to them.

Also, Sally and Ellie <3. Ellie reminds her so much of a boy (Frank) she used to be the social worker in charge of, per her modern-ish AU. Being driven both by guilt and the ghost (metaphorical) of the little boy, she failed to stop from slipping through the cracks to go full in on trying to correct and model healthiness for her when she isn't healthy at all.

AND DOOOOOOE, oh my god, where could I even begin to start with Doe?? She's my ghost girl, but less murder and anger and hatred and more depression and confusion and fear!! Please DM me for more information about her and the card so I don't completely spam and overwhelm this meme! We can do so many non-DBD AU things with her, though!!

Your Until Dawn muses, for instance, she is a PERFECT character to interact with any and or all of them within either the events of the game's narrative or in a kind of aftermath 'revisiting the old trauma and confronting it' AU.

HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE MUSES??? It's more of a stretch to insert Doe into that Universe, BUT HELLO!!! Ghost ladies who die miserable deaths throughout their lives NEED to stick together! Let Doe, my strange little creature, go in there and befriend the other ghosties.

THE LAST OF US TOO! Doe is usually depicted as dead for obvious reasons per her narrative, but I am SO OPEN to a living Last of Us / Apocalypse-style AU! It would be hilarious to see her little quiet spitfire self with Tess or any other girls her age!

PLOTS

OKAY, THERE ARE A LOT, AND I DON'T WANT TO SUBJECT YOU TO AN EVEN LONGER TEXT WALL, SO I'll LIMIT MYSELF TO ONE TERM THREAD IDEA, message me though!!! because I had ones for ALL of the ones I mentioned above and I am more than willing to elaborate in the dms or on my discord!

Fíadh and the Dimitrescu sisters!!! I know I said Alcina may be one of the most interesting because she fully stands above Fíadh's height, even with Fiadh's horns, and has the most extreme personality differences but HEAR me out!!

Let's set the stage: it's a standard pre-Ethan Winters storming in after baby Rosie, while Mother Miranda is still doing her plotting to bring back her daughter after the 'failures' of the lords and the Lycanthropes start to overrun villages left, right and center while the experiments continue.

The Lycan has worked well, or rather a tad too well, in driving away most life from the isolated, crumbling eastern European mountainsides that used to encompass the formerly expansive kingdom under Mother Miranda's reign. Except for Fíadh, the Lycans have proved to be largely pests for many of the other lords, especially Alcina, who is now finding difficulty in securing new, continuous virgin blood sources for her wines. They have DRAWN Fíadh closer and closer to the village boundaries.

You see, Fíadh is a being of the hunt and bloodlust by extension; she craves a challenge in her own domain to make the act of her feedings (entirely exsanguinating a being and drinking all of the blood from them while leaving most flesh untouched in a semi-vampiric fashion) less of a chore and more of an enriching exercise of cleverness, trickery and/or brute strength.

Humans are clever, so they often make appetizing prey in terms of entertainment, albeit frustrating and not physically enriching. They'll sometimes bypass her entirely, paying tribute to her leader so she cannot harm them, or, in the foolish case, will require a bit of disguise and environmental manipulation to trap them before they can leave her domain and thus enter into the blessed domains of maintained towns or past running water where she can't follow, but physically? No challenge; they are far smaller & far, far weaker. It takes little for her to tear them asunder, and the fun ends when she isn't following and plotting how to trap them like hares.

BUT THESE LYCANS? They are a HUNT for her in all aspects, fueling the bloodlust more than the limited game of unmutated humans. Many Lycans are smart enough to see the massive 7ft+ woman with goat horns and run, but not intelligent enough to remember how their previous unmutated human selves warded her away or escaped her pursuit. Instead, they will group up, stand and charge, and physically? This is a major threat, especially if they bring out their leaders or the most mutated. They stand a chance against her physically; she can't simply trap and run them down.

She has to remain clever, pick them away from each other and prepare for a real fight with the chance of her being HURT. Which is fun! It's a REAL hunt that she often craves but can't get from human prey. Combined with their blood functioning to feed and sustain her, just as the blood of any other humans can, without much in the way of brutal side effects other than it tasting less palatable to her. She is hooked on this new game and will follow the food source back to the source, expanding her territory in the forest as there is less of a need to remain at the high peaks of the mountains.

Which brings her directly toward and through the domain of Castle Dimitrescu and Alcinia. Their neck of the woods overlaps significantly with Fíadh's range, and with Fíadh's boldness expanding, the chances of them running into each other only grow while he ventures further for her hunts. But it's not a matter of inherent hostility. Fíadh isn't a creature that is murder on sight; she's often benign until she considers you food or an annoyance.

So, I have some ideas of where it could go from there!

MUTUAL CURIOUSITY, similar to introducing two cats from opposite sides of a window. Intense winter weather would deliberately keep the girls separated and isolated, allowing Fíadh to become familiarized with the sight and presumed roles of the girls within the castle. Perhaps they're curious enough to release Moroaicǎ from the dungeonous cellars and crypts of the castles or shoo Samcă from the uppermost areas of the castle. Providing her game and fun and forming a kind of rapport between the girls until the spring and summer warming could allow them to interact physically.

MAYBE THEY DECIDE TO HUNT EACH OTHER A LITTLE BIT, perhaps when the girls finally come into contact with Fíadh, who, to that point, has come to view and respect their place as residents in the area and thus 'not to be messed with' they decide to test her, just as anyone would a new toy. Trying to push the boundaries to see how much they can get away with, how long until she fights back against them, and eventually how much it takes until she breaks, given the girls have never been too great at preserving their toys. However, to the girl's delight and perhaps frustration, Fíadh doesn't break and die. Not like the humans they usually gain as staff and toys from Alcina. Something, something the curse, something, something being a supernatural creature, it's neither here nor there. In any case, the girls would eventually need a mutual cease-fire as once aggravated, Fíadh is BRUTAL and won't let up. Fíadh heals fast as long as she has blood, and between her size, the girls would have trouble attempting to overwhelm her, especially compared to a person like Ethan. She's a big target that would force them to attempt at their human forms, which, given her size advantage, would result in blows for Fíadh, but not enough to take her down.

Either way, they're separated; Fíadh is licking her wounds but recognizing well that the girls aren't to be hunted and instead wholly respected, not just cause they live there but because they put up a good fight and can hold her off well enough.

From there, things could either go down as an enemies-to-friends route, rather standardly. Perhaps the girl would delight in watching Fíadh hunt and feed in her own way. Maybe they want all the flesh left over from one of her kills, and they have a slow burn warming up to each other in that way. OR OR we could go with one of your ideas of Cass finding a hunting buddy who is willing to follow her in the sadistic hunts.

OR OR OR we could go an entirely different direction!! I'm open to any suggestions!!

But I will give you this image to play with: it's early spring, it's warming, but the temperatures at night still dip down dangerously low for the girls. But stir craziness is what it is, even in an estate as large as the Dimitrescu's. They're released for fun during the day under a strict curfew for their own safety, all return... but where's Daniela? Fuuuuck, she's being irresponsible again. All staff are being sent out en mass looking for her. The other girls are panicked & angry, but largely out of concern for Daniela. There doesn't seem to be much sign of her, could she lost?? It gets colder, but a stranger approaches the castle on a mission. It's Fíadh, and she has something massive wrapped up tightly in her arisaid and held to her furred and insulated chest. It's Daniela, burrito'd, warm and toasty, but now the Dimitrescu's are indebted to a fairy. (maybe, not actually; Fíadh isn't out for prices; the hilarity of Daniela getting stranded and needing to be wrapped up and returned home is enough payment)

RELATIONSHIPS + CONNECTIONS

Now, HEAR ME OUT: I love romance, and I could definitely see something that could develop with Fíadh and your RE: Village muses, most especially Cass, but I would not brush anyone out of possibilities. And same for Doe and either you Until Dawn or TLOU muses, though I will warn you, there is no happy endings with that gay ghost girl! Haha

In terms of non-romance though, FRIENDS!!! I love friends and I love enemies!! I am open and happy to do all of it, including slow burns that go from enemies to friends to enemies again! Relationships are MESSY but so am I! Haha

Also Sally would kill, murder and maim for Rosie, Ellie or little Sarah. Do you want to see why they feared her so terribly as the nurse?? Cause if you mess with the girlies, SHE WILL SHOW YOU AND THEN SOME! Haha

[calvatier]

Sircis redesign, I might change his name too cus i don't think it fits him very much now,,,he's so cute and so pretty 🥹🥹 ive also rethought on his lore and story while drawing this

I still rmb when he was low-key based off my first BG3 Tav ,,, 😭

Ramble:

So originally I made Sircis an assassin then now a warlock but I had trouble figuring out his story cus it was kinda weird and overly complicated and his whole reason for joining the party was cus he wanted to find a place to belong to after years of being raised and kept by his patron which is kinda too cliche friendship trope to me

I've rethought his story and maybe decided that his patron sent him out on a mission for the first time and has tricked him into thinking that he's doing good,,,his patron basically wants to have Lues to be under his pact as well,,,the thing with Lues is that he's gotten pretty popular with ppl of power, specifically those with more sinister motives,,,Sircis' patron being one of them

most ppl of power that heard of Lues know what he's up to but these people don't stay in the same realm as him so they can't just steal his power or intervene. Sircis is a warlock who is originally from this realm but was given leeway to stay in his patron's realm because he was taken in and personally trained and indoctrinated by his patron,,,,now his patron sends him back to his original realm to finally make him do something.

His patron wants Lues following and he knows Lues isn't stupid enough to give it up randomly so his patron wants to make a deal with Lues. Sircis' job is to find Lues and try to persuade him and his patron tells him that if all else fails, they want Sircis to kill Lues and him to steal his following and convince them to worship his patron instead. The reason why is that when a powerful being gains enough support, sacrifice, offering and influence, they are actually capable of performing an ascension ritual to become a deity but no more than that. (I'll have to write on the difference between, immortal, deity and gods next time.) Still being a deity grants them significant power and the ability to actually access more realms.

But the thing is that Sircis has no fucking clue who Lues is and his patron also doesn't want to tell him because his patron wants Sircis to go through the trouble, in their eyes, this is a sort of rite of passage for Sircis and a proof of his loyalty and how far he's willing to go to complete the mission. This mission isn't too important to his patron, sure it can make them a deity but they are already so fulfilled with themselves that they don't find being a deity a need. They are genuinely expecting Sircis to not complete the mission because they know he's weak now but they'll use that as an opportunity to make a tighter pact with Sircis, one that makes Sircis absolutely reliant on them. They want to put Sircis in a situation where he will call out to his patron for help, a situation where his patron would feel like a savour so Sircis can finally put his full trust into him. The patron knows that Sircis is only obliging now out of fear for his own life but they want Sircis to oblige out of respect and loyalty. (There's a reason why specifically they want Sircis to be under their influence but I'll have to think of that first.)

Sircis, having been raised and cared for by his patron, would obviously go ahead and carry this out but some part of him knows that his patron isn't a good person,,,but Sircis feels like and literally owes them his life and has no idea how to break out of a pact, he's stuck in this situation and is forced to do his mission. He just hopes that maybe he's wrong about his patron,,, he closes one eye and feigns ignorance to deeds he's seen his patron make other warlocks do and just hopes that maybe, just maybe, his patron isn't that bad,,,,Sircis probably copes with the fact that he's doing a bad thing by pretending that he's doing good, and he does this so well that he can sometimes fully convince himself that nothing is wrong.

Deep down what he's hoping for is someone to come and save him from his situation,,,he doesn't hope that for himself to do this because he's been raised to think that he cant do anything without the help of someone, so he fears taking charge and doing things alone

[inkofamethyst]

October 2, 2023

After two and a half days of illness, I'm pretty much back to regular functioning (with occasional sneezes but at least the sinus pressure has majorly receded). This does mean that I'm about two days behind where I wanted to be, but I'm going to have to try as best as I can to catch up so Thursday doesn't ~suck~. I don't really want my sleep to suffer though [edit 2, next morning: failed, reverse bedtime procrastination strikes again], that's a habit I'd like to leave back in undergrad if possible. Man, I can't wait until I'm done with (undergrad-level) classes (though then I'll have to structure my own days which is another kind of challenge).

Anyway back to the house conversation, I'm obviously facing a major hurdle preventing ownership: the down payment. I know I listed out all of those "little" savings goals a bit ago, but preparing for a down payment is a huge goal, like tens upon tens of thousands of dollars in some places, and I don't want that to bite into my emergency fund which I am also trying to build (though the emergency fund will likely be much smaller than the down payment goal). The toughest part is that saving in grad school is terribly difficult. The first year and a half are so are going to be weird because I don't really know what my taxes will look like, but budgeting should become easier as I settle in.

And then and then not only do you have to do a down payment, but also hoa fees, monthly mortgage, insurance, figuring out how to get things fixed when (not if) they break, not to mention all the fees you have to worry about before moving in and all the people you have to pay... so many things to consider, so much cash to raise. And like yes I know that serious saving requires serious sacrifice, but bread and roses man. I wanna get a bass guitar in two years, I'm solidifying a wardrobe, I wanna keep sewing. I don't wanna be so single-track-minded that I'm totally miserable for years (like they tell phd students to not let Being In School stop them from living their lives).

I need to talk to a financial advisor, agh. So many things online are saying that renting could be the better move,,,,, but something deep in my bones tells me that it's propaganda of some sort.

God the way I could've been absolutely insufferable as a (metaphorical) finance bro had I actually taken accounting seriously in high school. Like I totally could've gotten a degree in finance and gone into consulting had I not taken money for granted in high school and really thought seriously about it. Honestly...? That probably would've been an easier way to live than the path I've chosen, but I suspect that what I'm doing will be a bit of fun and probably more intellectually stimulating. So that's okay. I guess.

Another funny thing about this whole ~house~ mini-obsession is that it was merely a month ago that I was freaking out (mildly) about the idea of moving away from home lol.

On to different topic entirely, Knowt has got to be my fav quizlet successor. Having anatomy experience is definitely making these practical cram sessions go by faster.

Today I'm thankful that I'm mostly back to normal and also that I decided to go to this social hour thing where I might've made a new friend (someone who knows my puzzle-friend actually lol)! Now comes the tough part--finding and scheduling things to do with them. It's not like high school where you are with people all the time and come to learn who they are gradually. This takes a lot more conscious effort I feel like.

Okay, enough time spent here. I have (too many) things to do.

[edit, like 20 minutes later: I think I just worked through necessity vs sufficiency in my head and im so proud]

[diesoonandsuffer]

my thoughts on star trek: nemesis

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

:(

i knew data was going to die but i still wasn't happy about seeing it. it's funny i was thinking to myself "how can they kill him in a permanent way? he'll probably have to explode" and. well he surely did.

let's put that to the side for the moment. in terms of the movie itself, it definitely had high stakes, it didn't feel like an episode of tng the way the 1st and 3rd movies did. obviously destroying all of earth vs one colony of people are higher stakes but i also mean in terms of the pacing, the music, the mood, etc. i found tom hardy.......sort of interesting? i had to adjust to both his voice and looks since i've never seen him look like a bald twink and speak with anything other than a gruff voice so that took a lot of adjusting lol. but his character would interest me at times and bore me at others. i liked his line "you won't live to see the echo defeat the voice" and at the end when he purposefully pulled the sword or whatever further through his body so he could look picard in the eye as he died. but then he would do boring villain stuff or sexually assault troi and i would be like ok what are we doing here.

also really? fucking sexually assaulting troi AGAIN?! tng writers get a job stay away from her. literally any time a non-cast member man is near her i feel fear. and i know they tried to do the whole her taking back her power thing with the mind connection to the viceroy but girl it is not the serve you thought it was. however i can't deny i loved seeing her in the classic trek/noir "light over the eyes" i'm shocked they haven't done it for her sooner since she has the black betazoid eyes. but anyway that shit pissed me off.

other than that troi scene pretty much anyone who isn't picard or data is irrelevant to this movie. you could replace worf with a regular security agent and almost nothing would change, beverly could just be any doctor and riker is mostly relevant to the few scenes with troi, which as we've discussed i don't like. i did enjoy seeing their wedding at the beginning and i liked picard's speech, but seeing them get married reminded me of how quickly they got back together in insurrection and then i got mad again lol. society if i had the time to rewrite their plot in insurrection for a fic. but that's besides the point.

i can't really think of anything else to talk about other than data's death. like i mentioned i knew he was going to die in this but i didn't know how or why, however early on in the film it was easy to figure out that he was going to sacrifice himself. it's a little odd that the movie was like here have his stupider younger brother as a glimmer of hope or something even though data himself is like yeah that guy isn't me even if he has my memories. so what was the point of that?

i think the part of data's death that made me the saddest was when riker comes back to the bridge and troi runs over and embraces him. you see geordi look at them with this smile but it's full of sadness, and then his face falls and he looks back at the explosion debris. why did they linger on that. i could literally feel geordi thinking that the person he wanted to be with forever just got fucking exploded. it was so clearly that emotion and i don't know what they were trying to convey otherwise but they failed. literally they should have filmed geordi kissing the android just once like they deserved it!

also side note so funny how they finally completely gave up on the emotion chip. no mention of it and data makes a comment on having no emotions. they could have said oh he left it behind so b-4 can have it but they didn't even do that. goes to show how stupid of an idea it was.

[edit: oh my god who is going to take care of spot. i just thought of that and got so sad. i guess b-4 could and spot might not be able to tell the difference but that android is not equipped to take care of an animal i don't think. WHO TAKES CARE OF SPOT. if this is ever answered please let me know.]

but that's that i suppose! overall i think i like the tos movies more than the tng ones, at least the first four compared to these four. the tng movies are definitely better than the last two tos movies. they might be better movies overall just from a technical standpoint but i think the tos movies are more rewatchable. i think the only tng movie i would rewatch is first contact, and even then i have no active desire to at the moment. however not every trek movie can be the search for spock so i have to be realistic. it is crazy to think there are no trek movies left for me to watch since i've seen the aos movies already. i liked having them for me at the end of the show, so it'll be sad whenever i finish ds9 and there will be no movies for me to watch. they added a gravitas to their original shows that made everything feel fuller and dynamic, and elevated it beyond what the tv format ever could. i think the first tng movie is the best example of this, i loved seeing the tng set through a movie. but, that's that!

[margridarnauds]

5, 14, & 24 😊

Thanks!

5. What made you start your blog?

I found out that on Tumblr, there were tags + content for the Nordic Bronze Age and Goblin Sharks, and I thought that that was the best thing ever. I started off as more of a general History Blog™, but as time went on, for various reasons, I ended up dropping that and became more all-purpose, as you see.

14. What's something you always wanted to do but maybe been scared to do?

It's funny, because even though I was definitely shy and scared in my younger years, I wouldn't self-describe as such now. Socially, there's a lot I'm scared to do, but activity-wise? If I want to do something and I have the time and I have the money, I do it. I'm not scared of getting in a submarine and going into Mariana's Trench, I just don't have the money to do it. (If I become a multimillionaire, I'm obviously not going the Oceangate route, but it wouldn't be a matter of fear, it'd be a matter of common sense; I would go for someone who's more respected in the industry.) Sky-diving, I don't see the appeal of. Large roller coasters? There are some I like, some I don't; when I used to regularly go to Disney or Universal, I knew which ones I enjoyed and which ones I didn't.

A particularly niche wish is to go zip-lining above a pool of alligators at my local zoo, but that isn't really a matter of *my* fear so much as nobody being willing to go along with me.

24. What's one thing you're proud of yourself for?

I've come a very, very far way from the bullied kid in the rural Midwest. It's been a very rough time -- there has been a lot of bad, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices, but...well. I made it this far, and that's farther than a lot of people can say. Somehow, despite my family being below the poverty line, despite none of my family being academics, despite coming from a single parent household, despite being born with a congenital disability that almost meant I couldn't walk, despite my first college being a state college that had only recently been a community college...I made it this far. And if I flush out of the system, that is one thing that can't be erased. For a decade, I've been defying the odds, despite so many factors saying I shouldn't have.

You'll forgive the slight melancholy bent there; I'm facing down my comps in December. I have no idea whether I'll succeed or fail but. Well. For three years I've survived in the system. And if I flush out, I go back to the drawing board and figure out what the Hell I'm going to do next; it wouldn't be the first stumbling block.

[llycaons]

ep32 (2/3): sect leader yao: how dare you! murdering innocent people is wrong! wwx: are you FUCKING kidding me-

wwx continuiing to defend himself - HE was the one to get ambushed!

such a cool line his is so hot

the laughing-crying is another EXCELLENT part of this scene. 1. wwx as a character is strongly associated with mirth, but this is a miserable and twisted laughter that conveys and brings no joy, just expresses how far he's been pushed and how close he is to his breaking point. 2. villainous laughter is a part of so many cliches and fairy tales - how many disney movies have you seen with a darkly chuckling villain or cackling megalomaniac? it fits the perception people have of him as an uncaring and malicious demon

this is such a good point! I think for wwx especially, who's had a long life of sacrifice, or unfair punishment, and of serving others, this rankles him particularly. I don't blame him for being sick of it

this is so galling omg sect leader yao being like 'all those people who you killed were innocent! how can you be so callous!" and wwx responding like 'AND THE FARMERS WHOSE LIVES I WAS TRYING TO SAVE WEREN'T???'

and this is so fucking cruel, to wwx who cares SO much and who has such a strong moral compass. this is what myu attacks him with, what jc throws in his face. diminishing and disrespecting his values and his actions. he's not out to be a hero, he's literally just trying to do the right thing and stick to his principles and all he's getting is shit from every single person around him and that INCLUDES lwj he FAILED esp in this episode and he knows it

ASKING TO PROVE A NEGATIVE!! LOGICAL FALLACY YOU BITCH

this is kind of funny. who is this irrelevant bitch. it does open up wwx for one of his greatest lines tho

I wrote a whole post about this because I didn't want it to be hidden but I love this line and I think it demonstrates important things abt wwx's character and outlook that make his relationship with lwj extremely stable

also 'you're so insignificant why would I ever care what side you're on?' lmao

this is was badass I love this so much. IS he keeping himself alive with resentful energy at this point? fuck, who knows?

HELL YEAH THEY'RE BREAKING OUT THE FIREBIRD SUITE. I think. fuck

honestly I find this action scene extremely drawn-out and boring but oh god this hurt me so bad

this was kind of a funny shot where nmj was spinning around then the camera moved behind a post and then it just stopped for a second then went to a completely different shot. thanks for showing us the back of this post I guess

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!! wow the aesthetics here rule. the contrast. wwx is like barely holding on look at how red his eyes are

I wonder if lxc thinks that wwx is so far gone he'd hurt lwj

oof. obviously they don't want to but I don't think wwx in his paranoia and isolation sees another way out

I've complained before about it not making sense that postres wwx avoided lwj (because they were friends in the flahback!), but if I'm being fair, lwj did in fact attack wwx. with his sword. and I can see wwx waking up and being really leery about what lengths lwj would go to subdue him again.

I'm sure he knew lwj didn't want to kill him - after all, they have such a history and lwj did save him, at the very end. but there's a huge difference between wanting him dead and wanting to support and protect and hide him, and wwx wasn't expecting lwj to offer him that. because he hasn't, historically, look, he;s trying to fight him right here. and he's made it clear in the past that his feelings are secondary to his sect and the path of orthodoxy. so wwx is entirely justified in all his reactions, in fact

ALSO it's kind of hard to tell in screenshots but lwj looks extremely distressed in context I promise

JUST SAY A-YUAN IS ALIVE. JUST SAY IT. THREE WORDS. SPIT IT OUT. god. useless boyfriend