#with an apology cause I love caretakers that fuck up and then apologize

[another-whump-sideblog]

Hiya, how are you doing today?

1. "it's just a fucking [object of phobia/irrational fear], stop being so childish."l

2. caretaker has their own issues so whumpee's sometimes get swept under the rug

For the bad caretaker prompts, please and thank you!

Hi! My day’s been decent enough. I didn’t actually reblog the bad caretaker prompt list (you probably meant to send this to someone else lol), but I’ll do this anyway cause it’s fun and I always want prompts!

Caretaker has not slept in three days.

This, unfortunately, is not the first time, and it won't be the last. But it is the first time they've gotten this sleep-deprived since letting Whumpee move in.

Normally when things get this bad, Caretaker handles it on their own. They like handling it on their own, someone else helping just means needing to worry about making sure they feel like they're helpful on top of everything else. And they would be able to handle it on their own, if Whumpee could leave them alone for two goddamn seconds-

They had been getting a handle on managing full-time work and full-time school and their health and keeping their apartment clean and maintaining social connections and- that's it right? Yeah. They were getting a handle on it, they had a schedule that worked, they were fine, and then their sibling called them crying and begging for a place to stay after years of radio silence (they ghosted Caretaker, their own sibling, with no explanation whatsoever, who does that?) and how could they say no without feeling like a monster? They couldn't. So their schedule is all messed up, and sleep is always first on the chopping block when they need more time.

Something happened to Whumpee. Caretaker knows that. When they first picked up Whumpee they had to take them to the hospital instead of home like they planned because they were badly injured (which they should've mentioned in the phonecall). They have scars they didn't have before and they wake up screaming almost every night. And more than that, Caretaker sees how much quieter they are, how they sit statue still instead of fidgeting like they used to. Caretaker knows something happened, but it's really hard to care when they're freaking out over something like-

"It's just a fucking frying pan, stop being so childish! Why can't I even make some eggs without you freaking out?? Why does everything have to be about you!? I'm not going to hurt you! I've never hurt you! Stop treating me like I'm going to snap at any moment!"

Whumpee's pleading stops. They are so still and so quiet. Their eyes don't leave the frying pan.

Caretaker drops the frying pan and lets it clatter to the ground, making Whumpee flinch. "There are bigger problems in the world than fucking frying pans! I have a life, Whumpee! Fucking- stop it, I haven't done anything wrong!"

Whumpee's eyes are still on the fucking frying pan.

"Unbelievable. I've done so much for you, you don't get to treat me like some sort of monster!"

Whumpee stays still and silent and focused on the frying pan.

"Whatever. Come find me when you're ready to talk like an adult." Caretaker storms off to their room.

--

They wake up hours later. Fuck! They don't even remember going to sleep, and they're so behind on schoolwork-

But that'll have to wait. They groan into their pillow. Why did they say those things??

Whumpee isn't in the kitchen where Caretaker left them. Luckily, Caretaker knows their favorite hiding spots by now, and finds them huddled up in the coat closet.

Whumpee flinches when they open the door, then squeezes their eyes shut.

"Hey." Caretaker sits down next to them. "I'm not mad. I'm... sorry I flipped out earlier. Are you okay?"

Whumpee seems to think about their answer for a long time, then shrugs.

"It wasn't okay for me to say any of that stuff. I didn't mean it, I'm just- I just took a nap and that's the first time I've slept in three days, and I have so much stress right now- but that's not an excuse. Just- it wasn't really because of you. It was because of those things. And me not... handling them properly. So I'm really sorry."

Whumpee doesn't say anything.

"I just... I can't do this, Whumpee. I can't. I can't handle my job and school and myself and the apartment and you. I want to help. I love you so much, Whumpee, but I can't do this. I can't give up my sleep to comfort you after nightmares, I can't- I'm not kicking you out. I just... I need you to find someone else to go to. When I can't be there."

Whumpee nods. "...okay." Their voice is still too quiet, nothing like how they used to sound. "I understand. I'm sorry."

"No, no, you don't have anything to apologize for. It's... fine for you to freak out over small things. You can do that. I was- I got defensive- I felt like you were blaming me. But you weren't, I don't think, you were just... feeling scared. So you can feel scared or feel anything and I'll make sure to remember you can be scared or sad or anything and it doesn't mean you're blaming me just by feeling it. I just... can't always comfort you when that happens. When you freak out over small things. I need you to be able to comfort yourself or have someone to call."

"I wasn't blaming you." Whumpee confirms. "It honestly... has nothing to do with you, usually."

Caretaker laughs. "Right. Nothing to do with me."

"It'll be easier when I'm healed more. I can't do work or school for you, but I can help keep the apartment tidy."

"...yeah. That would be nice." Caretaker really doesn't want Whumpee to help them clean- Whumpee always does it wrong- but now doesn't seem like a good time for that discussion.

The two of them are quiet for a while, but neither of them get up to leave. They just sit with each other, hidden away in a coat closet. It doesn't take long for Caretaker to fall back asleep, and for Whumpee to drape some coats over them in a makeshift blanket.

[a-wumper-on-the-internet]

Let whumpers be complicated.

We love our whumpees - I love my whumpees! They're fun to write and to break and to have caretakers piece them together again. It's great! But sometimes, due to the pov of the whumpees, we see monstrous, evil whumpers who only exist to cause pain to the whumpee, and I think we should be allowed to have some fucked up whumpers. As a treat.

Gimme whumpers that are wholly, one hundred percent convinced they are in the right, that they are doing a good thing, that they're the main character of this story and untouchable. Give me whumpers that know what they're doing is wrong and unforgivable and they keep going anyway, because they think the ends justify the means or the whumpee pushed them to this point or that they just don't care. Give me whumpers that apologize or let their whumpees go, that show remorse and get absolutely nothing from it, that are refused atonement. Gimme guilty whumpers in general please, that could be fun. Fuck it, gimme whumpers who are also caretakers - not in a mistaken identity way, but in a legitimate heel-face turn way, or even in a manipulative way that blurs the line between pleasure and pain. Gimme whumpers turned whumpees! Whumpees who snap and turn into the whumper! Role reversal is so cool let's get more of that!

Maybe I'm lurking around the wrong parts of the community - idk where to find stuff tbh - but I haven't really seen whumper-centric imagines or writing or art, and I really want it. I want it so bad. If there is a portion of the community that's whumper-centric, tell me please I need this.

[reve-de-sang]

i love this a lot. i wanted to do a series of oneshots with lestat v florence. i wanted shade that would darken the earth. it was going to be fucking hilarious.

but first my brain forced me to get him in the house somehow.

getting this man in the door again, let alone living there? for my brain it takes Paul making a different choice and Lestat going all in. and Louis, with no tragedy to torch his life, facing his own misery. and a little more sex.

--

“You still doing business with that man Lestat?”

“Nah. Didn’t work out.”

“That’s good. ‘Cause he the devil.”

“You think everyone’s the devil.”

“He’s here to take souls. He told me so. He spoke to me without moving his lips.”

“He got tricks is all.”

“Mortal sins must be confessed, Louis.”

“Ain’t never gonna see him again, Paul.”

Paul nodded thoughtfully.

“You think Levi loves her enough? You know, Grace needs a lot of love.”

“I do.”

“Do you think he’s givin’ her everything he’s got inside him?”

Louis nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

Paul sighed, and stood up from his perch on the rooftop adjacent to Louis. “Mother made a good party for Grace.”

“Mm-hmm. Yeah, they gon’ talk about this one for years,” Louis grinned. 

Paul considered Louis. Louis’s face was bathed in the gold of the rising sun as he studied the sky.

“I love you, Louis.”

“And I love you too, baby brother.”

Paul made his way over and sat down on the peak of the roof next to Louis. “I ate too much chocolate cake,” Paul sighed. 

They watched the sunrise blossom from pink to lemon.

—

“I don’t take kindly to being avoided,” a voice at his elbow growled. 

Louis tipped back the last of his sazerac and met Lestat’s eyes in the mirror behind the bar. “Most people would pick up on the message in that. You all more direct in France? Tell each other to fuck off?” 

Louis had perhaps had too much to drink tonight. He felt worn thin. Things were supposed to have gotten back to normal after Grace’s wedding. He was back to being the dutiful son, the flawless executor of his family’s estate, the benevolent brother and caretaker, the generous parishioner, the upstanding community member, the ruthless proprietor, the deferential fellow businessman to the white power players who kept him in the orbit of their social circle—but never any closer. Every hour was accounted for, every movement beyond reproach. 

But “normal” didn’t work anymore. It was like having his head shoved back under water. He hadn’t had a breath in weeks, and Lestat looked like the surface of the ocean above him.

Even now he felt his heart pound at Lestat’s mere proximity. Damn him. 

Lestat waited for the bartender to pass them by. They had a miraculous bubble around them from the crowd at the moment, but nowhere would’ve been private enough for the conversation Louis was trying to avoid.

“You send mixed messages,” Lestat said, looking away from the mirror to address Louis’s profile. “Before your absence you made an excellent case for our…continued business dealings.”

“My schedule is full, Lestat. I don’t have time for what you’re proposing. Or interest, either, for that matter.” Louis signaled the bartender for another drink.

“A drowning man pouring even more fluids down his throat,” Lestat mused.

“What do you know about it.” He needed to tell him to fuck off. He was going to find the strength any moment now.

“Quite a lot, actually. By my own experiences.”

A tipsy man and woman bumped gently against Louis’s elbow as they settled at the bar, and apologized. Louis ignored them, and also tried to ignore the weight of Lestat’s gaze on him. 

“Before I came to America, I, too, ran my family’s estate. A town of people looked to me to fulfill a role. There was no escaping it, despite my attempts. It became my identity. I know what it means to suffocate, Louis.”

Louis scoffed. “Yet here you are.” The bartender slid his new glass to him, removed the empty.

“I met someone. We fell in love. My mother financed our escape.”

Louis rolled his eyes over to Lestat with sharp scorn. “So you abandoned your family.”

“Yes. Save for my mother, I despised them. And this person I loved showed me what it was to live.” Lestat laid his hand on the bar near Louis’s elbow, conversationally, not touching, but tantalizingly close. “However, you do not need to abandon your family, or your beautiful city, to live, Louis.”

“I’m doing just fine.”

 <<You are several fathoms deep, I wonder that you have endured so long. Perhaps it is practice. But now that you have had a taste of air, you will not survive like this. You know what it is to breathe, now.>>

Louis was humiliated to find sudden tears burning at his eyes and looked away, trying furiously to stifle them. Knocking most of his drink back. “Cut it out.”

<<Oh, Louis.>>

The woman next to him bumped Louis again as she burst into a gale of laughter, and Lestat steadied Louis’s elbow as he stumbled. Startled at the electric contact, they locked eyes.

“It is too crowded in here, and hot,” Lestat said. “Let’s get a breath of fresh air.”

—

Louis leaned into his intoxication on the walk back to Lestat’s place, inevitably Lestat’s place. He was too drunk to do the right thing, too drunk to remember his obligations, too drunk not to sin. 

He wasn’t drunk enough.

He was far too lucid as he pounced on Lestat the second the front door clicked closed, and was the one to drag them, guide them up the stairs as they feverishly slipped their tongues and lips together, pushing each others’ clothes away from their bodies. If it was inevitable tonight, Louis didn’t want to fuck around with music boxes and glass tumblers of expensive whiskey and talk.

Lestat took him apart in his bed once more, yet Louis felt power in being the one to cause Lestat’s hands to tremble, to inspire Lestat’s worshipful kisses down his body, settling between Louis’s legs like a supplicant. 

Louis couldn’t deny his own hand in this, how powerfully he needed it to happen. As they merged together, Lestat at his throat and buried in his body, Louis coaxed Lestat to greater heights—harder thrusts, stronger pulls from his neck—chasing the exquisite joining and obliteration of isolation in his own body.

Louis’s lungs were heaving like a racehorse as he came down in the aftermath. Like before, Louis had the sensation they were of one mind as they stared, dazed, into each others’ eyes. Louis’s skin was a continuation of Lestat’s, and Lestat trailed a palm over his hip, an extension of himself. Lestat’s still-hard cock was Louis’s, sheathed deep within him; they shivered in unison as Louis squeezed down to stoke the pleasure again.

<<We should live like this forever,>> someone thought, and they agreed. 

—

And then it was morning.

The windows glowed lilac before sunrise. Louis stirred; he’d maybe had an hour of sleep, but he felt more alive than he had in years.

Reality hit him like a blow. 

He needed to learn how to cut all of this out of himself all over again.

“No,” Lestat rasped, coming awake with Louis's thoughts. <<Louis. Choose us. Choose us,>> he pleaded.

Louis curled away. They both groaned in pain, and Louis dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“Can’t.”

Lestat shifted to press his forehead to Louis’s shoulder blade. <<Then take me into your world. Don’t leave me here.>>

Louis froze. “What?”

“Louis. My dowry would eclipse your family’s fortune several times over.” He pressed a kiss to Louis’s spine, skated his knuckles down Louis’s ribs. “Give your mother one more son to keep her in the life to which she is accustomed. A stronger safety net for Paul. And you…the companion heart you have been longing for.”

Louis reached back to still Lestat’s hand, clasp it. “That’s not going to work here. I don’t know what you get up to in France? But you have to know that’s insane.”

Something about the sunrise felt urgent to Louis, but he pushed it from his mind. He turned in the bedsheets to face Lestat. He forgot what he was going to say as they cupped each other’s faces. 

“Say yes.”

“I— I don’t— The world doesn’t work like that.”

“You make me want to try.”

“What?”

“Louis,” Lestat murmured. “You know that money opens most doors. And you must know the things I can do—” a frisson of power washed over them, “—has depths unfamiliar to you. But more than those things, if we are for each other, we can have a life we neither of us could have dreamed of.

“I want to tell you a story, Louis. I was sworn to secrecy, and the man who demanded my oath would kill you if he learned of this. But I swear to protect you with my life. You see—I have witnessed the kind of life we want. It was on an island, far from here. I will tell you how we can have something like it and make a home.” He stroked his thumb over Louis’s cheekbone. “There is danger in this knowledge. The choice is yours.” Lestat hesitated, looking uncertain, hopeful. Desperate. “Do you want to know?”

“Lestat. I— What the fuck is wrong with your head.” 

—

Louis’s distantly related cousin was overjoyed to find a family relation in New Orleans. They regaled their usual fellow card players at the Fair Play of their chance discussion of their ancestors, and their excitement at discovering kin in front of them all along.

“To have a likeminded ancestor travel from Auvergne to the new world—no wonder the journey called to me,” Lestat reflected as he lost a round of poker lavishly. Tom knew he was being buttered up with the winnings, but was off-balance as to how to treat the burgeoning union before him. 

Tom didn’t care what kind of money this ridiculous fucking foreigner threw around, there wasn’t room at the societal table for du Lac to move up in the ranks. Fenwick, when he sobered up, was going to throw a shitfit, but for now he seemly dimly ambivalent.

<<I would rather have your support than your ambivalence, Tom,>> Lestat’s voice rang in his head. Tom felt a sense of vertigo as he noticed the sudden stillness of the other players, frozen in their movements. Du Lac and Lioncourt alone were animated, smoking their respective cigar and cigarette, regarding Tom the way he himself was used to appraising those who worked for him. How drunk was he?

<<We’re so glad that you know a good opportunity when you see it. And that you’ve decided to take us under your wing as we expand our interests in the city,>> Lestat’s voice continued, everywhere and nowhere at once. He ashed his cigarette and studied Tom with his eerie cold eyes. <<Your generous offer to sell us the Fair Play at such a bargain—well. It feels like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.>>

“Uh, yes,” Tom stuttered, knuckling an eye. He felt like he was in a dream. He’d always liked Lioncourt, and du Lac was a decent fellow. Seemed a shame not to cultivate a strong relationship there. “Happy to, happy to. I know a good opportunity when I see it. I’ve decided to take y’all under my wing as you expand your interests in the city.” Tom sniffed, absently felt for his tumbler of whiskey. 

“Feels like—well. To the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Tom said, giving them a jaunty toast and draining his glass.

—

Louis absolutely refused for Lestat to use his tricks on his family. Anyone outside the house: fine. But not on his family.

“You’re doing what?” Florence’s polite voice could have frozen over hell. 

“Lestat will be moving in with us, Mama.” Louis perched on the edge of the sofa in the parlor. Lestat’s posture next to him was more relaxed, but Louis sensed his tension. Florence sat across from them. In Louis and Lestat’s planning for this, Lestat had insisted Louis was not truly asking for permission, and Louis agreed. They both knew they were lying to themselves. 

“We’re going to be working closely on a large business proposition over the next several years. Developments in the city,” Louis continued. He glanced to Lestat. “Lestat will be merging his fortune into ours.”

“Madam,” Lestat began, plucking an envelope from his inside suit pocket. “I have had my attorney make an accounting of my assets that will soon be at the du Lac family’s disposal. However, we would like your blessing.” Lestat offered her the envelope. “Does this meet with your approval?” 

Florence received the envelope as if she had been handed someone’s soiled handkerchief. And it smelled.

She delicately lifted up the flap and extracted the fine parchment. Florence tucked the envelope behind the document as she unfolded it and regarded the accounts.

Louis cut his eyes to Lestat. Narrowed them. No tricks, he willed Lestat to understand. Lestat gave him a tense smile in return. No tricks.

The silence was very long. Florence’s face was stone. Lestat imagined he saw a journey in her eyes as she made massive shifts to her priorities and sensibilities and tolerances. It was a breathtaking fortune after all.

“Well, then,” Florence intoned in her melodic voice as she returned the document to its envelope. “I’m sure Louis will make adequate accommodations for you in the carriage house. It’s been recently remodeled.” She tilted the envelope back to Lestat, and he took it. “Welcome to our home.”

“Oh, he won’t need the carriage house, Mama,” Louis smiled firmly. “We’ll be sharing my quarters. We’ll be working on a lot of business propositions. Wouldn’t want to disturb the household.”

Florence’s tight smile could have frozen over hell.

Paul glared at them from the hallway as if they’d just dipped communion wafers in dogshit. Louis gave him a hopeful smile. Lestat gave him a wink.

[toriangeli]

Not everyone believes Armand was really going to leave Louis in 1973. I do.

Louis is an addict--an addict who won't help himself. And people discount the position that puts Armand in.

Louis routinely gives someone drugs, fucks them, and drains them to get high. Armand comes in after, with Louis on whatever drugs he gave his guest, and cleans up so no one catches them. Louis apologizes at some point, but keeps doing it. Over and over. While Armand does the grunt work of erasing the consequences of his actions.

Reread that last sentence. Remember what that's called?

Yeah. Enabling.

But what happens if Armand doesn't enable Louis? In Armand's view, they get caught, vampires are outed to the world, there's a war or something.

Rock, hard place, and Armand in-between.

So Armand, as always, like his maker before him, accepts a thankless job he doesn't want for a greater good no one else seems to serve. Days in, pains shooting up the neck and down the forehead and behind the eyes, days out, you feel like you've been drop-kicked between the shoulder blades as the stress takes a very real physical toll. He dumps the bodies and carries Louis home, bearing the insults, telling himself it's just the drugs talking. Louis says he's sorry after he sobers up, only to turn around and do it again.

And as soon as Armand starts to cave and throw the insults back, Louis hurts himself worse than he's ever been hurt since he was with Lestat. As a direct consequence of Armand finally losing his temper over the entire shitty situation. Armand isn't even allowed to show his anger to the only person in his life. He just has to swallow it all.

But Louis is hurt now. That means more work than ever, 24/7 round-the-clock caretaking, along with finding the time to hunt to replenish the blood Louis is taking from him. Because even Armand's powerful blood can't heal Louis very quickly (given it took Marius about a century to recover from being set on fire even when he was drinking directly from Akasha herself). It apparently helps with the pain, though, so at least he can settle down for a bit. Get some sleep while Armand hunts.

But when Louis wakes up for the first time, who does he ask after?

The boy.

The fascinating boy.

And there's finally someone Armand can take his anger out on. Someone he doesn't love. And since when does Armand get angry at the person who actually did the wrong? He's the patron saint of misplaced anger.

We see him hesitate to take care of Louis when he's called for. Louis is crying out in pain--pain he caused himself. A consequence of his own actions. Armand seems torn between a desire to stop enabling, and compassion for someone he loves.

It finally seems to hit Armand that this is his existence for the foreseeable future.

"Am I going to be on suicide watch for the next thousand years?"

No, I don't think he intended to stay. I think he looks both hopeful and crushed when Louis extends just enough of an olive branch to make Armand want to keep trying to make it work. But making it work means working. It means accepting he'll never be as important as the last person who hurt Louis this badly.

But drifting away aimlessly means being alone, and unneeded. Surely being needed is better than nothing, even if he can't be loved.

Even if it means he lives in a world where even a sober, humbled Louis is more concerned about the wellbeing of a virtual stranger than that of Armand.

[thousandyearphantombunker]

gotta love that people will scream about how people like me are abuse apologists and that we defend abusers and how lack of empathy instantly makes you evil but like all I wanna do is point out that a lot of abuse recovery 'help' is ableist as fuck

Like they say people with autism shouldn't be allowed to have kids cause 'they throw tantrums due to emotional dysregulation and they lack empathy and can only care for children in a clinical way' and I see way too many people attack the shit outta severely disabled siblings for having the gall to need a care taker and for 'forcing their sibling to take care of them! So evil' rather than get pissed off at the parents who ACTUALLY forced the able sibling to take care of them and didn't properly care for either and acting like the disabled sibling doesn't exist at all and that any abuse a person with a developmental or psychotic disorder suffers is 'justified not only is putting up with you hard but also your too stupid and delusional to be believed and your natural naivety and psychotic makes taking away your autonomy necessary!'

They kick people with BPD out of groups because they interpret symptoms of BPD in the most abusive way possible and out right state people with npd can't be abuse victims and kick them out of groups because 'they're the abusive ones' like uh they can be abusive but none of npd or bpd's listed symptoms translate directly to 'abusive asshole' y'all make a huge stink about how there is no such thing as a perfect victim and how your bad qualities such as having a short fuse doesn't negate that but when you see a person with a mental illness or developmental disability you freak out- what the hell happened to 'no such thing as a perfect victim'? Personality disorders are caused by trauma and are essentially a bunch of unhealthy coping mechanisms for it- but I forgot they're not allowed to heal like you guys because they are 'bad people'-

you guys talk about how your damned if you fight back damned if you don't fight back and how frustrating it all is and how it's wrong and how there's 'no such thing as a perfect victim' but as soon as mental illness or disability comes into the picture you begin to start victim blaming or claim that they aren't victims- you guys scream no such thing as a perfect victim until the victim has a disability and now 'well she has bpd so she's lying or was acting emotionally unstable and therefore it was okay that she was hurt her dad who beat her was probably teaching her lesson' 'well he has an intellectual disability and is quite naive and over sensitive so taking away his autonomy is okay because he can't possibly understand what he wants! And if he gets hurt is his own fault not his caretakers'

I'm not an abuse apologist for calling out your bad behavior. I forgot 'no excuses' only applies to disabled people and never applies to people who were hurt in the past by disabled people! Wait didn't you guys say your parents/partners bad pasts and traumas don't justify their actions? Great then your trauma doesn't justify kicking people with mental disorders out of help groups unless they've actually done something beyond admitting they have a mental illness. Being a victim doesn't excuse being a dick. I'll also say if your high functioning being mentally ill or disabled it doesn't justify being a dick- I call out shit behavior that isn't being an abuse apologist or saying that you deserved to get hurt or that you weren't hurt. If your an asshole but you got raped or smth your still a victim who deserves help and I'm not gonna defend what your abuser did and I'm gonna wanna help you however I can but I'm still gonna call you out for when your trauma makes you an asshole to me- that's not abuse apologism. Acknowledging ableism in help groups isn't the same as apologism. Narcissists have feelings too, people with developmental disorders aren't braindead, unfeeling idiots unable to be traumatized they deserve love and no form of abuse is ever justified and psychotic people deserve to be listened too. I'm not ever gonna say someone isn't a victim of abuse because they fought back or didn't fight back hard enough or because they're an ableist asshole but I'm gonna call them out on being an ableist asshole or an asshole in general and abusing others back- that shit doesn't make me an apologist it means I'm standing up to bullshit and if you think being abused by someone with a disorder in the past or having trauma from having to take care of a disabled sibling or whatever makes it okay to hurt disabled people? I get to call that shit out. If you were abused and you start abusing others your an abuser too no excuses right? Well remember to apply that shit to how we treat disabled abuse victims-

if you wouldn't do it to a neurotypical person then what makes it okay to do to someone with schizophrenia or bipolar? Your trauma from dealing with disabled people doesn't make it okay to hurt disabled people! I won't ever justify your mom hurting you because she had a mental illness but I also won't justify you abusing someone else be they have a disability and you have trauma around disabled people.

Also depending on the severity of the disability I'm sorry they might count as a victim too and maybe they shouldn't be help accountable- the no excuses shit only applies if they're high functioning enough

If you can acknowledge that your mom or lover's past trauma doesn't justify how they hurt you then you have to acknowledge that your trauma doesn't justify how you hurt others- that includes people with disabilities like npd or autism. If your sibling was so disabled they needed extra attention or you where forced into a parental role your allowed to be angry and shit and to say 'im not gonna be held responsible for someone else, it's my life the system or my parents can figure it out' - cool your establishing healthy boundaries but as soon as you start demonizing them for needing that care I'm gonna call you out- you don't have to take of them but for the love of God don't go around demonizing other disabled people

Also start calling narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse- a lot of people who engage in so called 'narcissistic abuse' are actually not narcissistic or cluster b- heck a lot of them are neurotypical and not mentally handicapped or ill in the slightest.

Stop demonizing personality disorders

Listen to people with psychotic disorders and developmental disabilities

Stop saying people with severe cognitive disabilities can't develop trauma or be depressed or that narcissists don't have feelings etc

stop ignoring or justifying abuse against disabled people. Stop with the perfect victim bullshit.

people who think narcissistic abuse is a thing or that disabled people shouldn't have kids don't clown on this post

[ghostforwhat]

when you’re off of work would you please elaborate on your hannibal service top agenda,,, please my family is starving

i don’t want anyone to starve so obviously I will extrapolate on the service top aspect of Hannibal Lecter o7!! I am going to get so carried away and I apologize in advance.

Alright going to start this off by saying I do think they’re vers but only in regards to each other, I think for canon relationships, Will has a tendency to allow himself to be directed while Hannibal loves to orchestrate. With each other, though, it grows increasingly and alluringly complicated. Arguments could be made and subsequently thrown out depending on what part of the show you’re watching and post fall is an entire free-for-all because you can’t tell me two grown men survive murder-suicide via cliff and then settle into the puritanical rigidity of who tops and who bottoms.

Okay that being said, honestly i could make the case that both of them lean more toward making sure whoever they’re with is getting the most out of the encounter (maybe for different reasons; the popular trope of Will’s empathy causing a sort of blissful feedback loop and in Hannibal’s case, it stands to reason the politeness overlaps with a challenging sort of hedonism, he’s in control and playful about it) but I think that specifically for Hannibal, Will’s reactions are what he’s constantly seeking and then hoarding. Like. Will responding to stimuli that Hannibal presents is basically the premise of the show and Hannibal very clearly gets off on that, maybe not anywhere explicitly but we see shots of his pupils dilating, his gaze always caught on Will, licking his lips, all in response to Will reacting to him. It’s very rare he’s outright hungry at the beginning of a conversation or interaction, he seems to maintain a sense of aloofness until Will snarks or baits or replies or even defers and then, it’s as though he’s desperate to see more. I'm not getting into the whole them eating meals together because I'll devolve very quickly but like. just keep in mind the way Hannibal watches Will eat, as though he savors Will instead of the meal he cooked. Right. Okay. He gets caught up in Will’s responses very quickly, enraptured and almost stupid about it and trying to immediately trigger more which!! Goes hand and hand with him doing very uh lets say unique acts of service (the malewife jokes are only half jokes); the breakfasts & dinners, the driving, the caretaking. Yes all that’s manipulative but to Hannibal, that doesn’t negate that it’s still getting him the responses he wants and that’s also maybe why he’s so quick to say they’re friends because he’s viewing it as a form of relationship building and quite frankly, that is the only way that man knows how to build relationships; he sets himself up as a crutch and then breaks your leg and unfortunately at that point, for Will, for Jack, for Abigail, for Bedelia, for Chiyoh, you are too grateful to be standing that you forget he’s the reason you can’t do it on your own. The others I mentioned learn either very quickly or very (in painful irony) rudely that he is only a crutch as long as he enjoys it, as long as he can benefit from holding you aloft.

However. In Will’s case, he tries to remove himself and finds that it’s him who can’t stand and he’s immediately resentful and desperate to take back that ability, leaving another gift, another act of service, for Will to prove that he can still provide it and detrimentally putting himself on the map for Jack and Mason in the process. He’s so eager to have Will’s response, he waits at his own fucking crime scene. Will gives him what he wants and he’s too overwhelmed to respond with any sort of power or immediate selfishness, he runs again. And then. Muskrat Farms and his surrender. I feel like I don’t even need to explain why that backs up my case here, that man is so so ready to rescue and then surrender all because Will’s involved; two things he’s never done in his entire life, they essentially reduce him to this almost pathetic thing and it doesn’t give him pause at all because again, they’re acts of service whether Will wants them at that point or not. Like Bedelia said it best, he’s obsessed, he wants every reaction, every word, every sigh and curse, he’s very single-minded about getting them and he doesn’t care who he has to hurt, himself or others, to get them. Now, combine all that and the cliff scene and tell me that man doesn’t spend every second they’re in a bed together completely and utterly focused on Will and Will alone.

[carmenized-onions]

Yap sheet, live and in color!!

I wrote this as I was reading it, so it very well may be incoherent since I read the chapter almost immediately upon waking up. 😍 OH OH OH before i forget this is going to be really long, so my apologies, BUT !! Can i get put on the taglist? Pretty please 😛 .... wait adding this later I think im already on it 🤔

1.) I can taste what is happening here, i think, and I swear to god, if it ends up that he calls tony, calls ME THE READER, a distraction, I'll cry. Onion, you will have made me cry. Sigh. A dish getting sent back making him all wiggy does make a lot of sense, though, I fear.

2.) "He’s not meant to be a good person. He’s meant to be a good chef." :< i hate u that's so sad and isolating, and so on the nose for Carmy :<

-side note idk why but this :< and :> have become my absolute favorite lil emojis lately so silly

3.) Cue my eyes widening all comical and shit cause ONION "you should be dead" NOOOOOOOOOO L major L cause wtf

This yap sheet is gonna be mega long if i keep doing it like this, I'm ngl. But i think you'll enjoy it, so I might keep it up

4.) Yes, match our clothes to Carmy's eyes... or whatever !!!

5.) Poor Fak. "So Fak is gonna be our server?" "Yessir." "He any good?" "No Sir." And that's so real, actually. Okay, just read more, and Neil really is a small train wreck, and "Oh wow" definitely made me giggle

6.) I feel like im taking notes for class here, and i usually hate taking notes, so that's how you know you've got me by the balls with this story, Onion. Also, this is its own point bc ik ur gonna reply to these in order like this so this is me telling u that if u don't want me to send these this long i will not be offended cause this is gonna be so much. ALSO did this just for u bc I'll see in other asks when ur lamenting abt people not pointing out certain things (I TOTALLY get that btw) and I usually notice them but forget them in my yap sheet cause i do them after the fact so :> also this point is so long now okay this backfired on me.

7.) NOT TONY REFERRING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS A RESERVATION thats so silly. I love that Fak was all. Oh, is that Carmy's jacket?? And Richie jumps straight to oh yall are fucking. NOT A SEX PAINTING OHMYGOD

8.) :< that's all I have to say about that sequence with Carmy that made me very :<

9.) Anyway, um Tony screaming at the sight of him is also very :< also him immediately thinking he is the problem or like the self loathing taking over is also so :< bc like UGH this poor man I really just want to give him the biggest hug in the world. But in Tony's defense, I, too, would get jumpscared by slicked back hair Carmen. I mean, I guess that tracks since Tony IS me, technically.

10.) Okay Fak appears like he's going to be this bad the whole time so unless theres smth specific to say, I'll just cap the Fak interaction here and say I feel for my man Neil bc I, too, am a very slow learner and I would probably also fall flat on my face just like this.

11.) Richie is so dear to me as a character, like that man held everything together in his two hands and got zero appreciation for it. And like, that is something I relate so heavily to. Richie watching Tiff move on must be so :< even if he does seem like he's made his peace with it

12.) Okay, so i just read for a lil while, but um. CARMY'S OLD BOSS SHOWING UP??? DIABOLICAL!! YOU ARE AN EVIL ONION FR like that's so vile. Also I will say that the syd comforting is so slay. Tony just going immediately into caretaker mode is so me actually

13.) THE RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS !!!!

14.) Anyway I love Syd and Tony and the let me love you is so URGHHHHH i just love them sm

15.) Okay so I hate that fucking guy but ,,, GO TONY !! Love that she basically just handed them their asses by being smart n shit.

16.) RATATOUILLE MENTION !!! Love

17.) Okay the fact that tony questions whether or not Carmen would defend her over impressing chef asshole is so UGH UGH UGH makes my chest all tight bc like, yes, I think he would, i think he absolutely would choose Tony over all of it but... then again.... UGH

18.) OH MY GODDDDDDDD CARMY WROTE TONY A NOTE FOR HER MEAL THATS SO. ITS SO. OH MY GODDD. Even when hes being a grade a dickface hes so sweet :<

19.) LOVE??? Yeah im so gone goodbye

20.) Oh im so dead the moment she got the plate I knew she was gonna give it to chef asshole but STILL IT STILL HURTS

21.) Okay yes im like very :< abt the nat and carmy convo but what is this did mikey have a lil folder abt chip tony like a journal type shit wtf onion

22.) NO THIS IS TERRIBLE NEWS CARMY THINKING SHE DATED MIKEY??? NOOOOO THIS IS EVEN WORSE ACTUALLY THIS IS SO BAD??

23.) I hate you. Thats all 🫶 that cliffhanger was abhorrent

No but fr that was phenomenal and i really hope you like this ugh. Ur writing so fucking good im like crying at the optometrist rn

ALRIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU SKIPPED TO MY ANSWER N DIDN'T READ THE ASK !!! goin' under the keep reading for this one. Will this be the only ask I get through before I have to go run errands? We'll find out. Will there be a snapshot of the next chapter under the cut as a little treat? I honestly don't know, I'll have to look to see if there's anything I can give you that doesn't give away everything lmao.

Before we start though, I do want to note somewhere, I have finished the draft for the next chapter-- I usually don't do to much rework at this point, but I do think it'll need some decent edits-- It's very hard to write like, after a fight, yknow? Like I'm trying to do a very organic aftermath, as well, it's not just a complete cliffhanger, where I can time skip the awkwardness-- And that's like. Woo. Need to revise and make sure it's good.

Anyways, this is all to say:

Thank God I split this from the last chapter, eh? Almost dropped fucking 20k straight on your heads like a comical boulder.

Anyways time to actually REVIEW THIS WONDERFUL YAP SHEET LETS GO

YES you're on the taglist and never apologize for yapping, I do it all the time. And I love to be yapped back to. I know how much work goes into taking notes, so it genuinely really warms my fuckin' heart that you'd take that time for me thank you my love!!

OOH. I think bro gets very close to saying distraction, I think he says that he gets distracted, but never actually calls Tony one straight up. I do think Tony basically calls herself one at some point... Which... Baby, your self image pleaasse. AND YEAH, THE PLATE SENT BACK-- You'd all laugh if I showed you my notes app drafts, I literally have a note titled 'carmy mental snap' and a list of things to fuck with him psychologically that come to me throughout the day

Writing the not a good person, good chef, actually did make me realize what the fuck bro was yapping about in the Season 2 finale. I always like got the amusement or enjoyment line, but I don't think I fully understood what he meant because I was like-- You make food baby, that's a form of enjoyment-- It's not to him. It's money. He doesn't get joy out of being a chef, right now. UGH. I'M RUINED.

Yeah babyyyyy, the voice in his head is still his exeeccccc lets goooooo-- Pulled up the NYC scene dialogue, for that whole morning routine. Pulled all those lines straight from it. Major L to Jeff from Community. He had a major change in character smh

or WHATEVER!!!!!!

I promise I wasn't planning on dogging on Fak this much as a server, and then I watched the trailer, and no spoilers, he fucking bombs and I was like , well, okay, that's the game we're playing Mr Storer? I'll play,,,

DAWWW, again, I know how much this takes, and I should say-- Never feel pressure, lmao-- Whenever I poke at people for not noting things, it's just me poking fun i swear. I never want it to feel STRESSFUL to read these chapters, though (well, i guess i did want THIS one to feel stressful lmao), so please don't feel like you have to do this-- Do i love it? Yes. Do I also beg for essays? Yeah.,,, but like, like yknow what I mean-- Go at thine pace, baby

Richie and Syd are Tony's two besties, and them both immediately going SO YALL ARE FUCKING???? Feels very correct, to me. Sex painting also, I just think is such a Fak thing to whisper. I mean those canvases couples FUCK on, with paint covering, by the way, if that wasn't clear. I don't know how well known a thing that is. I went to art school, so. When worlds collide, yknow.

:< Zero Pulse Carmy L Count: 2 (the morning scene was rough)

I love seeing the different reactions to Tony yelling, because it's either like: AWE POOR CARMY or THATS SO FUCKING SCARY SHE SHOULD BE SCREAMING, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?-- And I love to see that.

I would 100% flail like this. Fak is me at my new admin job every day.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I went from a certified Richie Hater to a lover. Writing this fic I think also aided to that, alot, because it forced me to think very critically about like, what it fucking meant to stick around, when your best friend dies. Like me and my best girlfriend-- The Syd to my Tony, essentially, have both said repeatedly if one of us kicks the bucket, the other one is immediately yeeting it. Like. Richie staying alive let alone in the same place, that takes a lot of fucking strength. Love him.

DIABOLICALLLLLL HAAAAA, I did a little dance, when everyone started tweaking in the comments with that one. Love to see it. Got your asses with that surprise-- Got Carmen with it too, lmao. Can you imagine going to work already in a bad fuckin mood and then the Devil from your shoulder is like 'i'll be there in 30'? Ohhhh bitcchh--- I'd be doin worse than Carmy, tbh.

I would've dug so much more into the RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS!!!! if I was explicitly writing Tony as a POC, but I needed to give her a tamer response with 'i hate you'-- But to note, if I was going full WOC besties, it would've been fuckin' 'oh so you'd prefer peter parker?? racissstttttttt'-- Nothing says solidarity in the black/brown community like calling your fellow POC racist.

LET ME!!!! LET ME!!! Had that line written in my head for quite some time-- I've been planning this chapter since chapter 2, so it's like, like I really got to LIVEEE writing Tony/Syd, I adore them.

GO TONYYYYYY, I was worried I gave her too many talents, tbh. But like. Her title and nickname is Jack of All Trades, and it makes a lot of sense to me that being a Lead Paramedic = Fantastic under pressure, great at giving direction/leading, decent bedside manner + Repairman Level Memory + Wine Fascination since highschool = Not that many actual skills, but they all transfer into so many different branches. So I think she's not to OP lmao. WE'VE GOT TO NERF TONY.

The rat chef!!! I'm shocked no one found it frankly offensive Carmen hasn't seen Ratatouille-- But I do think that would be canon. I think Carmen's life would change dramatically for the better if he just fuckin' relaxed and watched Ratatouille.

RIGHT? I'm literally still debating the idea of what Carmen would do, in the scenario. Like, a lot rides on the idea of a star. His whole life and everyone elses--- Would he prioritize Tony? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm let's not think about it

The note, bah. What a sweetie. It's also like, written on the recipe card he drafted, too, so technically if she gained all the Michelin skills rn herself she could make it. Theoretically.

LOVEEEE...... moving on....

Speaking of Love, I have loved seeing the handful of people saying they knew immediately when she got that plate what Tony was gonna do about it. Like that is both touching to me as an author and also heartbreaking that on a story and character level, you immediately knew what Tony would do to herself there--- Bah.

JOURNAL IS INTERESTNG-- I wonder if Mikey would be the logging type. Maybe entirely unmarked in his notes app.

WOOOOFFFFFF

I'm sorry but I'm not sorry and I hope the OPTOMETRIST APPOINTMENT WAS GOOD DESPITE DA EMOTIONS HAHA

Now let's see, is there anything in the water I can give you here... Anything that won't spoil something,,,

There's not really much that isn't really emotionally charged, so I'll give you this, at least. Feels like any context of the next chapter is spoilery, but eh, read it if you'd LIKE to. haha. AGAIN-- THANK YOU LOVE!!!

[poppy5991]

Hi!! Hope you have/ are having/ had a good day!

I wanted to ask:

What do you think Hawks and/or Dabi would do if they got Hanahaki disease for each other (assuming the other doesn’t know about it)?

Hi! 😊 I personally don’t ship DabiHawks, but I can tell you how I think their characterizations would affect a general Hanahaki scenario?

Dabi:

What we see in Dabi’s canon characterization is that he is desperate for his suffering to be recognized/acknowledged. I personally think this is why Endeavor won’t die in MHA because deep down Dabi doesn’t actually want revenge, he just wants his family to see him and acknowledge that he is in pain. We see him kind of impatient and chomping at the bit: showing up at the high end fight even though it could mess with his own plans. We also see that his primary coping mechanism for hard situations is outbursts of anger.

So in a Hanahaki scenario, I think he would wallow in self pity for a few days. And then appear coughing up flowers, dramatically declaring “Fuck you, I’m dying because I fell in love with you. It’s all your fault!”

Dramatic boi does not have very good emotional regulation lol

Hawks:

Based on his canon upbringing and actions, Hawks is afraid of rejection/abandonment and thinks he is only lovable when he is likable and useful. He also copes in hard situations by shifting to a caretaker role instead of dealing with his own emotions. He gets horrifically injured and his family history is revealed and he shifts to worrying about Enji instead of processing those events. And he acts fairly careless in his attitude when he does.

So I think Hawks is the type to hide the illness until it’s no longer possible. He immediately thinks since the love is unrequited that it will be a burden for the other person to know that they are causing his death. He keeps all the suffering to himself so that he doesn’t put any hypothetical strain on his relationships (and because he doesn’t know how to rely on others). There will probably be a tearful confession where he apologizes for his feelings and how he fears it will ruin everything.

[caspersickfanfics]

Oops I thought of more

Sickie is handed a bowl of soup or cup of tea, or is trying to get up and get something and take it back to the room or bed. But then the sickie drops it and it spills everywhere or all over them. The sickie cries, cuz one ouch that was hot- and two they have made a huge mess now, and have given the caretaker so much more work to do and it’s just the end of the world.

the phrases that echo the theme of “breath love if you keep crying you’re going to make yourself sick again” something in that world.

AND imagine, it was GOING to be tcg night. Like, idk how long this fic will be but if it’s a two shot, the second chapter nari completely forgets that it’s the night kaveh and alhaithem are meant to come by to play cards. Cyno, fucking, LOVES, tcg nights. And he’s just, a ball of pout over the fact that they have to cancel. Maybe they forget so much that the other two show up and nari has to apologetically send them away? Or maybe he writes to them a head of time to let them know that Cyno is really sick and there’s just no shot. Cyno feels guilt, and sick, and just oh so sad. (Forgetting that rescheduling is a thing and his friends don’t mind completely)

Oh.... my gosh.............. all of this is such absolute gold *-*

The dropping something bit... I wanna do that to Cyno so bad TTvTT Not only does he drop it but he tries to clean up the mess. Tighnari is out trying to gather medicinal herbs for him or something and gets caught up with a minor forest ranger emergency that he thought would be a much quicker ordeal than it turned out to be. When he gets back, he finds Cyno on the ground, cuts all over his hands, trying to clean up shards of glass. He's having an especially tough time because he keeps getting lightheaded/having coughing fits/etc., and he was so determined to get it all cleaned before Nari got back, not wanting to cause him more trouble. Instead, Tighnari is so shocked that he gets a bit too loud, "Cyno! What are you doing? Stop that!"

And that's when Cyno starts crying ;;-;; because 1) he broke Tighnari's glass/bowl/thing whatever idk 2) he failed to do this one simple task to help Tighnari out 3) he's bleeding and it hurts 4) he's bleeding and it's making the mess even worse and 5) he's managed to upset Tighnari on top of it all and he's so out of it that he doesn't even know why. Is it because he made a mess? Because he didn't clean it? Because he's sick? Because he's bleeding? Because he can't figure out what he's done wrong and he should just know? Because he's crying?

Tighnari sees him tearing up and immediately apologizes, scooping him up into his arms. Cyno goes limp and lets go of the glass and cleaning supplies, sobs wracking his whole body and he's just really confused. Nari explains that he was just worried but he shouldn't have raised his voice, Cyno did nothing wrong, etc. etc. Maybe merge this into the next bit about the crying making him nauseous again. He starts hiccuping and Nari hates it but he knows at that point there's no going back, so he offers the puke basin at the risk of upsetting Cyno again, because the alternative is an even bigger mess.

TCG night being cancelled is so genius - never would've thought of that, but like. YEAH. Of course, this is Cyno, he's gonna be distraught. And. Gosh a part of me is tempted to add that to this fic specifically because Cyno's brain will immediately go back to Nari telling him he's ill because he didn't take care of himself, and so not only is he upset about not being able to play his favorite game, he's blaming himself and his "poor self care" for ruining everyone's fun. Even worse if Alhaitham and Kaveh came all the way out to Gandharva Ville ;;-;;

[sexisdisgusting]

Oh my god the adhd post 💀

It's like with autism

watching every themlet anime fan selfdiagnose because they really like a certain show or game and its their "autistic hyperfixation" or flapping their hands "uwu stimminnggg"

meanwhile i hit myself in the head when i get overwhelmed, get stares in public for sounding and acting like the whole circus couldn't finish school cause it got me bullied and i started biting and can't even make proper friends online cause i'm just maladjusted and spergy 🤡 like man i got a caretaker that comes over twice a week to take me to appointments, i cant work because i will randomly throw caveman-tier rage tantrums that can be triggered by literaly nothing and have to live with my mom at almost 30 cause i cant on my own...

I'm not even in charge of my own early-retirement money cause the gov doesn't trust me to make wise financial decisions.

I can't eat majority of foods because the texture makes me gag and chewing in general is something i hate i can't be taken anywhere because of the ragefits i cant controll.

And im STILL highfunctioning.

I hate hate HATE how bored kids and narc adults will just selfdiagnose themselves with this fuckin hell curse and spread shitty videos of them handflapping and going "squeee kyaaa beep boop hehe" like its something cute and endearing.

Especially as a woman this shit is HELL cause i just am not able in any way shape or form to behave or look how society sees acceptable of me.

I'm not able to be quiet polite and meek, i am not able to just silently endure situations i don't like and i'm not able to wear makeup cause the oily film on my skin drives me insane and i compulsively pick at my face anyway and stubble makes me scratch myself bloody from discomfort so shaving isnt on the table either (not to mention i cant be trusted with razors due to a history of hurting myself) it is NOT CUTE or endearing or charming and it does NOT make you act like youre 5 or an anime girl i am boilinnnggg with rage

SORRY BUT I HAD TO RANT TO SOMEONE AFTER SEEING THAT POST ILY

YKNOW I AM ENRAGED BECAUSE I TYPED UP AN ENTIRE RESPONSE TO THIS BUT I HAD HIT POST LIMIT WHEN I WAS TRYING TO REPLY TO YOU

BUT BASICALLY, LET ME JUST SAY THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANONITA, PLEASE DONT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR RANTING TO ME!!!!

people are ESPECIALLY really fucking weird with women who have autism, especially because the autism diagnosis is soooo heavily male-centric

i feel for you, anonita, and i love you so much, thank you for coming to me with your lovely thoughts <3

[ratsoh-writes]

Today was actually awful, like I wanna rant about it but if y’all don’t wanna see that just ignore this

Ok so I have a neighbor who used to baby sit me when I was in elementary school. She’d make me top ramen even though my mom wouldn’t let me have it at home. She has my eternal love and loyalty for that.

Anyways now, this lady is like 80-90 something. Old as fkn dirt and the last five years dementia hit hard and she’s basically a toddler with the attention span of a sparrow now. Her daughter is her caretaker, and occasionally I babysit granny (neighbor) while her daughter runs errands . I do this for free cause I fkn love granny, like it’s no problem

Well today granny was having a bad day, she had a fit and started yelling (she has really flip floppy moods but she’s just loud, never violent so I’m not bothered) and when she goes out onto the porch, she heads to her swing seat acting like she’s gonna sit down. I follow cause you know, mandated babysitter/entertainment. Granny then does the fastest old lady sprint ever back inside and locks me out. Not a problem, I have a house key

The. Key. Isn’t. Working.

So I call her daughter, no pick up, I text her, nothing. I’m still outside, I try all keys on the ring in every direction I can think of. Granny is cussing and yelling at her reflection in the tv inside (she has so much beef with her reflection, it’s hilarious). It’s now well over a fucking hour, and I’m still out on the porch praying that granny won’t fall or something till I can get back in. The only reason I haven’t called like the cops or something is cause I can tell she’s not hurt or anything inside.

Finally she lets me in, cause I use the tried and true excuse of needing to pee (“oh go to the bathroom then girl!!”) and I do fkn pee dammit, and by then I was locked outside for about an hour and 15 min. The fallout is she threw all her clothes out of her dresser and undid her daughters bed. I clean up her stuff after slicing her a banana as a distraction, and we eat lunch together cause her daughter still hasn’t come home and it is that time. (she fkn loves fruit)

Well by now daughter is supposed to be home. I’m only supposed to be here for an hour and half. Granny is a happy camper and telling me about the good old days when she pulled all the bitches. Confuses me for my mom a few times, and talks about her son simultaneously being a child but also a father of grown children (she mixes up her timelines too)

Her daughter doesn’t come home for another hour and forty five min. I’m so happy I called work and told them I had a family emergency, cause if not, I would’ve had maybe 20 min to get ready and scream to my students after that shit show. It just wasn’t gonna happen today

Anyways I’m not mad at granny, she has the brain of a guinea pig who just heard it’s owner walk into the kitchen. I’m mad at her daughter who never answered my calls and who didn’t give me a heads up that she was gonna be out nearly two hours over our agreed time. And the reason? She left her mother fucking car in hee dumb freaking hecking ducking car. Like butch I’m watching your biggest responsibility and you just don’t have your phone on you????? What if there was an accident??? If anyone was watching my kid, my phone is in my fkn pocket with the vibrate on just in case. And she doesn’t even apologize

Literally I don’t think I can watch granny anymore, and that freaking kills me cause I adore her. But I don’t trust her freaking daughter anymore. She goes over time all the time, that I always brushed off. But just not having her contact with her, that’s so dangerous. Literally went straight home and just cried for a solid 20 min afterwards cause of how shaken up I was.

Anyways that’s all. Just wanted to rant about it

[readychilledwine]

Wait I’m confused how is co parents racist? Races don’t exist in that world. Unless they mean towards the illyrian race…

I want to start this by apologizing because the response is going to be long.

(General PSA Below the cut, and a response to this ask - ⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ I'm going to bring up why I feel this person I interacted with felt this way, and slightly touch into Beron's character since Autumn was actually a factor in their argument)

First - As a general PSA, thank you to everyone who has reached out to me to comfort me, reassure me, and talk to me about Co Parents. The support from you all has been overwhelming, especially from those of you who are BIPOC. You are all part of why I am not still lingering on this.

To address the question at hand: the user I spoke with is a part of the ACOTAR community who believes the batboys are POC.

I am not sure if they believed I was using full on racism, internalized racism, or a microaggression, but they felt it was "fucked up" (their words) that I was separating and forcing the child of a male POC to grow up away from him and outside of her unique culture.

Had this been an accurate statement, I would have 110% agreed. Mixed Children, Children in the BIPOC community, and children with unique cultural backgrounds need to, and absolutely must, be exposed to it, learn about it, and get to immersed into it.

However, in Co Parents, it is shown through Cassian and Eris that there is a relationship there, so babygirl does have a relationship with her father, and when she is with him, she does get to immerse into her Illyrian side. Which makes that argument null and void. Cassian just isn't the primary caretaker, and I am sorry, but no writer is going to write an x reader story where mom doesn't have custody, but the cheating father does. (Well... actually.... I might write that if I want to do something angsty and really put reader through it)

Anyways.. They also felt it was made "straight up vile and further proof of racism" (their words) by forcing her to grow up somewhere known for racism and prejudice.

Autumn, under Beron, absolutely would NOT be a place I would have written an Illyrian child in. Beron very bluntly shows his feeling on fae who are not like him in multiple instances, but the one instance that backs up that rings clear in my mind is during the High Lord's meeting where he very boldly attacks Nuan, Thesan, and damn near the whole Dawn Court for being from Xian. (Screenshot attached below everything.) We also see Beron's prejudices and discrimination towards the lesser fae and Illyrians in his actions and comments. (Calling them bastards, calling them lesser fae when he knows Illyrians do not see themselves as lesser or greater but just as, calling them brutes and comments dehumanizing -eerr- defae-izing(?) The lesser fae)

Again had that been how I wrote it, I would own it and 100% agree. But that's why I wrote Eris was High Lord. We see Eris's true nature when he volunteered to take the antidote Nuan made, we see it as he's forming actual relationships with Azriel and Cassian that are letting us below that cracking mask. We all know he hates his father and wants to be better than Beron, even if he has to keep the mask in place for his own protection (and more than likely the protection of his siblings *coughmainlyluciencough* and his mother.)

Rhysand is not stupid. Love him or hate him, Rhysand probably is in the top 5 of the most intelligent and cunning characters in the series.. He would not have made a deal with Eris if he didn't truly believe in him and his cause. I do not believe we know Eris the way we are going to hopefully get to.

I believe Eris would protect a child he has made the choice to love and raise as his own, regardless of what his father's feelings would have been on it. I also believe Eris would have.... elimated anyone loyal to Beron. He would have shielded her from prejudices, discrimination, and racism. He would encourage Cassian to teach her what being a little illyrian means (minus, you know, how she'd be treated by the males there, but that's a whole separate issue.)

Being as kind and sensitive to the person who left me the comments as possible - I believe their feelings were drawn from their own triggers due to their past that created a sensitivity. Nothing I could have said other than, "Yeah, you're right," was going to fix the situation. I feel like a stretch was made, and, as others have said, they were grasping at straws because the comments got more and more personal towards my intelligence and person as I continued to give them instances from the drabble that disproved what they felt.

I've had several days to think on it, and Co Parents is going to stay up, and I will continue to write ACOTAR characters as parents. I know it's a lot of people's favorites from me, and I am more than happy to heal all of our inner children and teens one batdaddy/foxdaddy at a time. 💙

I'm also going to try to remember how toxic this Fandom can be. I'm getting to where my follower count is getting high enough that I'm going to see more negativity. My goal is to focus on all of you who support and appreciate me. You all are who I stay up writing for 💙

Peep Screenshot of Beron's..... beron-ness here

[gillianthecat]

thoughts while watching Happy Merry Ending (episodes 4-6)

Episode 4:

This creep this creep omg I'm finding this CEO viscerally disturbing. Even when he's just sitting there. Kudus to the actor (and to the production in general). Oh no, he was Seung Jun's CEO too? This show is breaking my heart for this man, and the open-hearted person he was Before. He once was going to be an idol himself. And now I'm worried for this new idol that the CEO is probably trying to groom.

This actor can actually dance! I'm guessing he's an idol himself? I haven't checked.

One thing this show does very well is instantly create a feeling with the blocking, camera work, lighting, music, editing, etc. Yet subtly enough to not hit you over the head with it. It's immersing me in the emotions, and I think is also an important way of being efficient with the storytelling in such a short show. Anyway, the CEO here, all in black standing between Seung Jun and the mirror, is mildly terrifying.

Still feeling undecided about Jae Hyeon, and his aggressively inserting himself into Seung Jun's life with very few green lights from SJ. Still, he does have his awkward charm.

That final moment has me mostly convinced that Ho Yeon does have a crush on Seung Jun. Which, on the one hand I ship it cause I love Ho Yeon. But in the other hand, knowing his backstory now, I also wish for Seung Jun to have a good platonic friend solidly in his corner.

I've become quite impressed with Seung Jun's actor in this. This might end up being another one of those shows where I fall head over heels for one of the main characters, and the other one is... just kinda there. Not as much as in the last KBL I watched [redacted so I don't have to tag it], but my main interest in him is how he makes Seung Jun feel. (Unsurprisingly, it's another golden retriever seme paired with a reluctant uke that makes me feel this way.)

Episode 5:

Oh Ho Yeon. My baby. I changed my mind. I ship these old friends. The sadness on his face. The way he tried to rally for Seung Jun and be happy he was coming out of his shell.

Ok Jae Hyeon. The sunglasses get you MAJOR points. And them walking together after is cute. You're right, JH, it is nice to see SJ smile. But also. You keep apologizing for being intrusive, but then you do it again. I realize the seme in this sort of plot needs to be this active or the story won't go anywhere. But idk, I guess this character doesn't have quite enough charm to completely pull it off. At least for me.

What the fuck bro! Did you just KIDNAP Seung Jun?! And confiscate his fucking phone? I get it's supposed to be sweet caretaking, but y'all don't know each other like that yet. Are we sure this is a BL? I am NOT getting good vibes from this guy right now. And I was just thinking I really liked the show. How it wasn't my favorite trope but it the whole thing was well made. Please don't ruin in for me with an indistinguishably rancid new love interest to replace the rancid ex. 😩🥺

Unfortunately, that beach scene has converted me fully to second lead syndrome. They have so much better chemistry! I can see their connection. I could maybe imagine that eventually Jae Hyeon could develop that with Seung Jun, but he's rushing things along way too fast. That love confession left me completely cold. Which is not what I want from my love confessions! As for the kiss... 😂 well at least they tried, bless their hearts. They avoided a dead fish kiss. Did it look like either of them were paying any attention to each other as they moved their mouths? No, but I'll still give them credit.

I think at this point it's best for me to just watch this show not as a BL but as Seung Jun's story of healing. With Jae Hyeon just one of the people around him. And cross my fingers that the beautiful Ho Yeon, love of my life, doesn't end up being creepy and possessive too.

Episode 11: And then Seung Jun, having gained confidence from this whirlwind romance but realizing he doesn't actually know or even like this man very well, dumps Jae Hyeon and sees that the one he's been searching for has been there all along, steadily supporting him, quietly loving him. And he and Ho Yeon live happily ever after. No? That's not how it's gonna end? It already does in my mind. (I will SHRIEK with joy (and shock) if Ho Yeon turns out to be end game.)

This date would be cute if I shipped them.

Seung Jun telling Chan Wu that he can call, offering support to this new idol who could be in the same vulnerable place he was, Before. (I'm not entirely sure that's what the show is going for, but it's how I've decided to read it.) Also, I've really liked seeing Seung Jun's confidence when he's in teacher mode. This actor is giving him layers.

*whimper* every time this ceo is on screen I feel actual dread in my stomach. He doesn't feel like a cartoon villain, like many abusers on screen, he seems horrifyingly plausible. But Seung Jun manages to tell him off, which I'm guessing took a lot of courage. (But also, I'm still confused about what their relationship had been. Were they involved sexually? Did Seung Jun think they were dating? The episode title called him the "X" but also everything they've shown could just be Svengali-like grooming with no official lines crossed.)

Episode 6

Oh my darling. You were finally starting to heal and take risks and the this evil piece of shit comes to try and ruin you again. But you can be proud of yourself for holding it together while he was standing there. (Both actors are so good.)

You can see how much Ho Yeon is aching for him and wants to make it better but doesn't know how.

(Honestly these scene with Jae Hyeon don't manage to penetrate my brain, now that I'm not thinking about it as his story)

You evil manipulative shithead. Brave Seung Jun for facing down the source of his trauma to help this next generation of victim.

Oh Chan Wu. I can't even be mad at you. Poor thing is going to have to live with the guilt; I can see him feeling it, even if he doesn't understand what the manipulations are all about.

This confrontation scene was very well done. Too much to write about briefly.

But I'm also pretty sure that it clarifies that they were "romantically" together.

A brief bright flare of hope that Jae Hyeon was going to recognize his creepiness and the second half of the show should be a reckongk g. But no. Deflation. It seems he's just reminiscing fondly about it, and inspired to a second round of invasiveness. (Yes, Seong Jun ghosted him and yes he has the right to be concerned and sad. But. Still.)

So. This show is kind of odd. First of all, it's very well made. But it also seems to trying to tell two stories that are at odds with each other? There is the very classic seme-uke BL, with an extreme version of those roles. But then they went and made the "uke" way too complex for that, with too realistic a backstory to be fitted in to that trope-y slot. So Jae Hyeon is chugging along being a BL hero, unaware of all the undercurrents, while Seung Jun, who's been kind of drifting through life in a PTSD haze, seems like he's drifted into this relationship because it's there, and it's something new to try to escape the fog. But not because he had any real connection to this person who wants him but doesn't understand him.

Like this fight scene. It was well done. But Jae Hyeon comes running up like the hero seme protecting his uke from Generic Threat. Which feels kinda irrelevant to the work Seung Jun has done to heal and face his abuser. Not that he shouldn't get help; I appreciate the assist. I guess it just feels off to turn this complexity into a Romantic BL Momement. Or a possessive pissing contest between the alpha men. "I don't know what it was like before, but now I'm not letting him go." Like. How is that the right line for this situation?

I don't have PTSD, but this portrayal of it also feels grounded and real. Just to add to the dissonance. Not that there couldn't be a good BL involving a healing character. But one with this sort of genre-constricted seme ain't it. Not just my personal dislike, tonally and structurally it makes no sense. (I like this show a million times better than LITA. But this is a much gentler version of that same problem.)

Well. 40% or the show remaining, and I'm not really sure how they're going to use it. I know what I wish for, but doubt I (or Ho Yeon) will be that lucky. But with these two conflicting genres we're in, I can't guess what story will take precedence.

(Also, these eps are only 15 minutes and yet my notes keep getting longer and longer. Oh well, c'est la vie.)

[crdteezv]

Back 2 You - Hendery

Paring: !childhood best friends/roommates to lovers to exes to lovers again! hendery x afab! reader

Genre:  college au in the beginning, non-idol au, HEAVY ANGST & smut 

Synopsis: You grew up with Hendery and have been best friends with him ever since you were little. But as you both got older, things started to become more complicated. After all that has happened, can you ever bring yourself to trust and forgive him…

Warnings: !fuckboy! hendery,  HEAVY TOXICIXY, cheating(he did it tho…), lots of arguing, heavy alcohol use (he is lowkey an alcoholic…), SLIGHT domestic violence (only happened once), the reader lowkey a perv in the beginning, dirty talk, teasing, kissing, fingering, choking (receiving), oral (giving/receiving), throat fucking, manhandling, use of sex toys, heavy degradation, rough sex, slight humiliation, edging, overstimulation, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~11k words (officially the longest I ever wrote I genuinely don't know how this happened...)

A/n: I hope you enjoy this because it's one of the first fics that's very story-driven. This one is not for the faint of heart so if any of the warnings trigger you, you shouldn’t read this fic! 

Growing up, you used to be next-door neighbors with Hendery. Ever since you were little, you were really close with all his sisters. Both of your parents would have you guys hang out with each other all the time. You'd practically be at their house every weekend. He never had a brother, so he was always stuck playing alone with his action figures.

One day, you left his sisters for a little bit to go play with him, and since then, you've been closer to him, hanging out with him all the time, up until high school. People started assuming that the two of you were dating, which caused a lot of conflict in your friendship. He didn't care, and you weren't sure why it mattered so much to you. You knew that you just weren't ready to tell him you liked him. You started to develop feelings for him and didn’t want to come to terms with it. So, you distanced yourself, but Hendery, being Hendery, would constantly bother you and just wouldn’t leave you alone.

Eventually, you have gotten over everything in senior year and go back to being good friends again. The feelings you once had for him suddenly just went away.

That was until the two of you became roommates after high school.

You both used to joke about how you always wanted to live together when you were kids, but you actually made it happen. That summer after high school, you both worked hard and eventually rented an apartment together. No one in your family questioned it since they knew that your relationship was completely platonic and didn’t see each other in a romantic way at all.

Now, you were both juniors in college and were loving it, especially Hendery. Ever since you both started college, he would attract so many girls and was pretty much the life of any and all parties.

Parties weren’t really your scene, but you would go to them every once in a while. Every time you went out with him, it was like you would see a different side of him. When he is around you, he is always so calm, but when he goes out to party, he gets sloppy drunk and tries to hook up with every girl he sees. It was getting overwhelming for you having to always drag his ass back home and be the one to apologize for him after any messes he made. You practically became his caretaker always having to help him sober up after the party. So, you just stopped going to parties with him altogether. It just got worse as time went on; he would start coming home late at 4 or 5 am, and you knew that meant he was probably with some girl. Deep down, a part of you would get almost annoyed and irritated when he was out with someone this late.

Almost as if you felt jealous, maybe?

This was all put to the test when one night Hendery was getting ready to go on a date with a girl. He was asking you for advice on what to wear and how to act. You were just sitting idly by on the couch, reading a book. You heard him call out your name and walk into the living room. It seemed he had just hopped out of the shower because he had his towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still wet, and you could see the water droplets slowly drip down onto his body. You even looked down for just a second and discovered that he had a new grown happy trail.

Why was he so attractive?

But him being shirtless didn’t make things feel awkward between the two of you because you guys were so close to each other; it didn’t even matter. Plus, whenever he was home, he was shirtless the majority of the time, so this didn’t faze him.

“Okay, so which shirt should I wear for the date? This pink one or the green one?”

He presented you with two different colors of dress shirts, and you pointed at the pink one since you thought that would suit him better. He smiled at you and walked back into his room, and you heard the door shut. You covered your face with your hands, trying to compose yourself. Tonight was a big night for Hendery because this would be his first serious date, and you felt bad for feeling this way about him. 

To be fair, you never really had much dating experience. You only dated one guy in high school, and it wasn't even a serious relationship. These days, you didn’t know why, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Hendery. Even when you pleasured yourself, sometimes he would come into your mind. You felt guilty perceiving him in such a perverted light. He was your best friend, and all you could think about was him fucking you.

It’s been 15 minutes, and he finally got out of his room, and you saw Hendery all dressed up in formal attire.

“Wow, you look fancy. Where do you plan on taking her?” You said enthusiastically.

“Oh, I’m taking her to a nice high-class restaurant that’s on the outskirts of town.”

In a sarcastic tone, you replied, “Oh, that's nice.”

He could clearly tell that you were upset with him for something. He knew you acted passive-aggressive when you were mad at him.

“Okay, tell me what is it now?” You gave him a confused look and didn’t understand what he was asking.

“Come on, it’s obvious I did something wrong this time. You only act like this when your mad at me.”

You rolled your eyes and said, "For the past month, you've been coming back home drunk and loud, making it impossible for me to sleep. I'm always the one who has to help you sober up, and it's just getting exhausting for me to clean up after you all the time."

“What? I don’t come home late every night—”

"Hendery, for the past three weeks, you've been coming home smelling like alcohol at 4 am. You're probably going to do the same thing again tonight—"

“Excuse me?” You could tell that he was starting to get annoyed, and you probably shouldn’t get on his bad side now. You got up off the couch and made your way over to him.

“Oh, you heard me the first time.”

“Okay, look, I think I seriously like this girl, and I wanted things to be different with her, and—”

“Let’s just be honest here, you don’t care about her, and you're just doing all this to get into her pants. You’re just going to have a couple of drinks with her and then come back home and expect me to pick up all the pieces for you—”

You walked closer to him, and you were face to face with him. You poked his shoulder to bother him and said in a serious tone, 

“The only thing that’s on your mind all the time is sex. You could never be in a serious relationship with anyone.”

The tension in the room was thick, and it fell silent for a second. This was the first time you had said something so harsh to him. You could feel that he was about to snap. He grabbed your hand and stopped you from poking him. The look in his eyes almost made your knees buckle out of fear.

"Take back what you said," he demanded, squeezing your hand even harder, the pain becoming increasingly unbearable for you.

“Hendery, stop it, you’re starting to hurt me—” You began to protest, but he continued to advance, causing you to retreat until you were backed against the couch with nowhere else to go.

“I won’t stop until you take back what you said,” he insisted, his grip tightening even further.

He had completely lost control now.

With some effort, you managed to free your hand from his grasp and push him away from you.

“What’s your problem? Were you actually trying to hurt me?” you exclaimed.

“No, but I don’t appreciate you basically calling me a whore and claiming that I can’t be serious with someone—” he shot back, his irritation evident.

“Because you literally CAN’T,” he continued, walking back towards you and crossing his arms, giving you an annoyed look.

“How do you know that I can’t actually be with somebody?” he challenged.

“Are you kidding me? Every other night, you come home late after fucking some random girl you met at a party. You brag to me all the time about the girls you sleep with, and I’m getting sick of it.”

“Oh, come on, sweetheart, you’re just jealous and you wish you were one of the girls that I fuck every night,” he taunted, his tone dripping with condescension.

Your rage began to boil over at the audacity of this man. Not only was he undermining your feelings on this situation, but he was also claiming that you were jealous. 

 You were at your breaking point.

“I know you did not just say that,” you retorted, your voice laced with disgust and attitude.

He looked at you with a cocky smirk, as if this whole situation was amusing to him. He drew closer until he was face to face with you, then knelt down and whispered in your ear, 

"You're just jealous, sweetie. You wish instead of me being out all the time, I was the one with you. Don't think I don't hear you moan my name sometimes when you're all pent up. These walls aren't as thick as you think they are."

Your body froze for a moment, unable to move a muscle. So all those times you were getting off, Hendery had heard every little thing. Little did you know, he would sometimes get off to the sound of your moans, but of course, he wouldn't tell you. You began to squeeze your thighs to alleviate the stress of the situation, but he beat you to it and placed his thighs in between yours. He lifted your chin with his hand, forcing you to look at him.

“Oh, don’t get all shy on me now, love. Just a second ago, you couldn’t stop bitching and complaining, and now you're completely silent—” His grip on your chin tightened,

 “How pathetic.”

It was as if his whole demeanor had shifted from before. Earlier, he was happy and ready to go out on his date, and now he was almost scaring you. 

You were in such a state of shock that you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything to him. It was as if he was a completely different person now, and you were terrified of him. He started to lower his hand from your chin down onto your throat, slowly choking you. As he watched tears start to pour down your face, he almost seemed to enjoy this.

You decided enough was enough and started to speak to him. “Stop it. You’re hurting me again—”

“Oh, you want to talk now?” he said in a playful manner.

You nodded your head, and he let go of your throat, leaving you coughing and gasping for air.

“Look, I don’t know what has gotten into you tonight, but I’m going to need you to apologize.”

“And what if I don’t?”

You looked at him with such anger and said, “Then I’m going to have to kick your ass out of here. I have no room to tolerate your bullshit anymore.”

He knew you were serious, and that he should just stop acting like this. But there was a part of him that liked seeing you in this state. He would always piss you off growing up, and some things just never change.

“Fine, I’ll back off… if you admit that you want me.”

Oh, he is just crazy.

Not only does he lack empathy for how hurt you may feel right now, he has to be so entitled even in a time like this.

“NO, I don’t want you and I don’t need you. Not now or ever.”

He just leaned back against the wall and gave you that same smirk from before. 

“Oh really? Then why do I always hear you moan my name? It seems to me that you want me—”

He approaches you again, but this time you tripped and fell back onto the couch and now you’re looking up at him. Before you can get up, he pins both of your hands down.

“And it seems that you need me now more than ever, don’t you, sweetheart?”

You felt yourself wanting to give in, and it was getting harder to control yourself. He has such a way with words, you were starting to forget why you were even arguing with him in the first place. He practically manipulated you, and you played right into his hands.

A part of you didn’t care.

“Fine, I will admit I might need you just a little bit—”

You were cut off by him as he leaned down to kiss you. You began to make out and started to feel the tension between you guys start to disappear. You both passionately make out, and he lets go of your wrists, and you wrap your arms around his neck. You felt connected in this moment and didn't want to let go of each other.

“Mhm, I’m glad you’re finally admitting it. I knew it was a matter of time before—”

You don’t let him finish talking; you push him off of you and switch positions, shoving him down on the couch. Now you’re on top, straddling him, and he was a little shocked by your sudden act of boldness.

“If this is going to work, I’m going to need you to be quiet for me—”

You slowly unzip his pants and take out his cock from his boxers.

“You talk too much.”

Something about you being so stern was making him even more aroused. He nods his head, and you begin to stroke him with your hand. You pump up and down his shaft, and he is grunting and moaning for you.

You decide to take a step further and lower your mouth onto him. He throws his head back from pleasure and loves feeling the warmth and wetness of your mouth. You begin to bob your head up and down as you see him loving every second of this. You even used both of your hands to stroke him at the base simultaneously.

 The moment is ruined when Hendery gets a phone call from the girl he was supposed to go on a date with. That doesn’t stop you, however, and you just keep on going as usual.

“F-fuck can you slow down-”

You were taken aback as he shoved you all the way down to the base of his cock, holding you in place to answer the phone call as if nothing was happening.

“Hey, I know this is last minute but—”

You somehow managed to start moving again, causing him to squirm and find it hard to speak coherently.

“Oh, I-I’m fine. I’m just a little h-held up with something, and I have to canc—”

You started moving faster, getting back into the rhythm from before, causing him to bite his lip and throw his head back. He was starting to lose his mind.

“F-fuck… I MEAN, I’m sorry, I have to cancel, and I’ll call you later, alright, bye.”

He hung up instantly and grabbed your head with both of his hands, and face fuck you. You began to gag as your throat closed up around him. You felt that he is starting to get close because his dick started to pulse and twitch in your mouth.

“Mhm, I can’t h-hold it in anymore—”

He instantly came, his release pouring into your mouth. Without wasting a drop, you swallowed it all. You felt dizzy after all that had just happened. You could’ve been caught, but you wanted to make Hendery suffer so much that it didn’t matter. You found yourself drifting as you tried to fall back onto the couch, but he switched positions, leaving you underneath him again, your face down and your ass up in the air.

“Oh, princess, we’re not done just yet. There’s still another hole of yours I want to fill.”

Goosebumps coursed throughout your body, and you were too stunned to say anything as you watched him start to take off the tie he had on and use it to tie up your wrists.

“Ah, this will be a nice handle for me to use to fuck you. Just how I could use these too—”

He gave your ass a hard smack and then roughly grabbed your waist with both of his hands.

“God, you look so pretty to me. I can already see a wet spot forming in your leggings, sweetie.”

He began to remove your leggings and panties, pushing them down to your ankles, leaving you with just one of your oversized shirts on, without a bra. Since you were at home, you didn't feel the need to wear one.

You felt Hendery start to slowly feel all over your body, groping your tits. He had lifted his hand under your shirt and began to give them a light squeeze. You let out a little whimper and started to squirm for him. He didn't like that and gave your ass another smack.

“Stay still for me, baby.”

“Mhm, I-I don’t know if I can—”

He started to twist your nipples and slowly kiss on the back of your neck. He knew exactly what he was doing and knew where all your sensitive spots were. You started to moan out for him, which just made him hard for you. He couldn’t take it anymore and stopped what he was doing altogether, positioning himself into you. You felt him rub the head all over your wet entrance, and then he shoved himself deep into you, eliciting a scream of pleasure out of you.

He began to penetrate with slow and deep strokes, gripping your tied-up wrists for support and balance. He felt that he could lose himself in you and he wanted to take things slow. But now that he felt you wrapped around him, it drove him crazy.

He didn’t know how long he could keep this up and started to lose control. You did too as you frantically started to fuck yourself roughly back onto him. You were lost in your own world and didn’t care about anything but Hendery right now. He let you do all the work for a second, even lifting his hands off you. He was enjoying the view of you being so desperate for him that you were almost using him to get off for your pleasure. This is just how you would masturbate to the thought of him on those late nights, and now you were fucking him.

But enough was enough, and he wanted to wrap all of this up.

He grabbed your wrist again and started to pound you into the couch at a rougher pace. You screamed out for him to slow down, but he was now ignoring you, using you now for his satisfaction. He was so consumed by all the lust that he didn’t care if you were satisfied or not. Then he remembered that you’re not some random girl that he would hook up with and that you mean more to him than that.

“Okay, love, I want you to come with me, alright? I don’t think I’m going to last very long here.”

He didn’t have to tell you twice. You both went at each other at a fast pace, and he finished inside you while you came alongside him. It was so much that he had to spray the rest all over your ass. Before you could say anything, you felt the couch start to shake a little, leading to it breaking.

“Oh no… did we just—”

“Oh, relax, sweetie. This couch was getting old anyway. We can just get a new one.”

You both laughed it off, and he laid you on top of his chest for a minute. Eventually, he got up and gave you a washcloth to clean you up. He even went to the fridge to get your favorite ice cream. You felt comforted to know that he does all this because he cares about you.

It made you wonder if he treats all the other girls like this.

“Hey, look, I want to say sorry for being such a jerk towards you tonight, and I wasn’t going to take her out—”

“WHAT? SO YOU LIED TO ME?”

“Oh, well… if you put it that way, then yeah, I lied. But I only did this to test you. I knew if I confronted you about your feelings for me—”

“Wait, you did all this because you think I like you?”

He was a little taken aback by your question. Did he read the situation wrong this whole time?

“I-I mean, yeah. I see the way you always look at me ever since we were growing up. Especially in high school, you just couldn’t keep your pretty little eyes off of me, even when you distanced yourself from me.”

“Oh, that’s so not true—”

“Then why can’t you look me in the eye right now? You only do that when you lie or if you’re extremely nervous. It seems like you’re both of those things right now.”

God, you forget that at the end of the day, he is your best friend and he knows everything about you. He can read you like a book.

“OK FINE! I admit I always had a crush on you. It’s just I was afraid that it would just get in the way of our friendship. So in high school, I stopped hanging out with as much  to try to get over my feelings for you.”

He was still a little surprised by all the things you were saying. You were finally confessing your feelings for him, but he didn’t know that you felt this strongly for him. He couldn’t begin to understand why you felt this way about him out of all people.

“Now my feelings came back for you since we started being roommates. I thought I would be fine, but sometimes seeing you come out of the shower and even walk around in just some sweatpants really gets to me. I—”

He stopped your rambling love confession with a passionate kiss. It felt sincere and comforting all at the same time. He placed one of his hands on the side of your cheek and lightly caressed it with his thumb.

“Look, I fully understand how you feel about me, and I like you too. I know it’s hard to believe, but I was hoping that hooking up with other people would distract my feelings towards you, but it hasn’t been helping. I sometimes imagine the girl I’m with is you—”

“WHAT? You’re such a pervert, you know that?”

"Says the one who secretly watches and gets off to the thought of me," he retorted.

“You know what? Touche. I guess we’re both crazy about each other. I’m just glad to hear you like me too. I genuinely didn’t know you felt this way about me.”

“Yeah, I’ve always known. All my sisters would do is tease me about it. They always tell me just to tell you, but I was always scared you didn’t see me in that way.”

You gave him a kiss on the cheek and smiled back at him. “Of course, I see you in that way. But what about the girl you were supposed to go on a date with?”

“Oh, I actually was never going to go through with that date with her anyway. I planned on flaking on her since I assumed this was going to happen—”

“Wait, how did you know this was going to happen?”

“Oh, please. It was a matter of time before you fell for my amazing charm,” he said playfully.

You rolled your eyes and gave him a light punch on his arm. He acted like it hurt and said, “Ow, what was that for?”

“For being too cocky. Also, you're evil for using that girl to try and get to me—”

“Oh yeah? But that doesn’t matter because I belong to you now.”

You felt your heart skip a beat at that moment. He always knew what to say to make you feel overwhelmed.

“And now our first date can be at that restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to! We should go there next Friday!”

“Alright, it’s a date!”

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You’ve been dating for almost a whole year now, and things have been going great. Both of you always go out on cute little dates, and he treats you well. At first, your relationship had a rocky start because you found it very hard to trust him. I mean, it’s only fair since he used to be a big player. But ever since he got with you, he has completely changed as a person. It was almost as if he had a soft spot when it comes you.

One day, you and him were assigned a group project with this other girl, Lia.

Now, you always thought something was off about her from the day you met her. The way she would act around Hendery really rubbed you the wrong way. She always laughed at something he said, even though it wasn’t funny. She would even find a way to touch him, whether it was playfully punching his arm or his thigh. You even brought it up with Hendery, and he just said that you were making a big deal about it.

“Look, babe, I think you’re overreacting a little bit. Me and her have always been friends ever since high school.”

“Um, I don’t know, I’m serious, Hendery, something is off with her. Whenever I would text her about the project, she would either not respond to me or respond days later.”

He was actively getting ready to go to his friend Yangyang's birthday party. Hendery doesn’t go to parties as much as he used to before, but since this was for his best friend, he had to make an appearance. He was putting his shoes on now and he was almost ready to go. You weren’t planning on going with him because you didn’t feel so good. He offered to stay with you, but you didn’t want to get in his way because he was looking forward to the party. He even planned most of it.

“Look, honey, I’m sure Lia doesn’t like me or anything. Last I heard, I think she’s talking to someone.”

That gave you some relief knowing that now. You almost felt bad for painting this evil picture of her. He could tell how anxious and worried you looked. He walked up to you and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

“Baby, if you're worried that much, I won’t even stay long at the party. I will go and make sure everything is ok and come back home, alright?”

You nodded, and he gave you a kiss goodbye as he walked out the door, leaving you alone in your shared apartment.

Fast forward, it was starting to get pretty late and Hendery hadn’t come home yet. But you didn’t let it bother you because a big fear of yours is that you didn’t want to seem too needy and clingy to him. You called him once, and he didn’t answer and left him a couple of text messages, but he hasn’t seen them. You just told yourself he was busy trying to make sure everything at the party was going well, and you didn’t want to be in the way of that. So you decided to go to sleep at this point because you were tired of waiting for him.

It’s 2 am now when you get a phone call, but it is from your best friend.

“OH MY GOD, you need to check what I texted you just now. It’s crazy, and I’m sorry this happened to you, but I had to be the one to tell you,” she exclaimed.

“Well, what is it-”

“Look, my phone is about to die and I can’t stay on the phone for long so just look at the photos I sent you alright?”

“Fine.” She instantly hung up and you went straight into your messages with her. 

What you saw that night completely changed you forever.

It was photos she took, and it was of Hendery and Lia being together.

He never mentioned that she was going to be at the party, and all the photos made you want to burst into tears. You could see that she was sitting in his lap, and he looked very happy to be with her. There was even one photo where he had his hands around her waist, and they were making out with each other. In the last photo she sent, it looked like Lia was leading him to a room upstairs, so you already knew what probably happened next.

Hendery just cheated on you.

Not only did he belittle your feelings on how you felt about her, but he made it seem like everything was ok when in reality he just wanted to get into her pants. It makes you begin to question whether all those late nights when he said he was at the "gym," he was actually with her instead. It makes sense why she would feel so comfortable touching him in the first place. All the pieces start to come together. No wonder she used to be so passive-aggressive with you all the time and so dismissive.

She was jealous of you and wanted Hendery for herself.

Before all of this happened, you and him started to become a little more distant. You would always ask him if it was something you did, but he would always reassure you that it wasn’t your fault. You began to blame yourself for all of this happening. If only you had encouraged him to stay home with you, none of this would have happened. Tears started to pour down your face, and you were continuously sobbing. You just couldn’t believe he would do something like this to you.

Here you thought that Hendery had changed.

So you decided to confront him about it when he came home. You went straight into the living room and sat there until he came back.

Some time passed, and now it’s almost 4 am. You had fallen asleep for a bit, but you were awakened by the front door being opened. He tried to shut it softly, almost as if he was trying to be sneaky. But you turned on the light and gave him an intense death glare.

You were furious.

Rightfully so. Your childhood best friend, now boyfriend, not only cheated but broke your trust. You could never trust him or look at him the same way ever again. He gave you a look of fear, almost as if he was afraid of you. You got up from the couch and started to walk towards him.

“So, what happened to you coming home early, huh? Do you realize what time it is right now?” You said in a serious tone.

“U-um yeah, Yangyang wanted me to stay longer, and I-”

“Are you serious? Hendery, if you’re going to lie to me, don’t use your friends as a cop-out.”

He gave you a confused look, and he couldn’t register what you were talking about.

“Hendery, I know you were with Lia tonight. I saw everything.”

The look on his face was almost priceless. You had never seen him look so worried and scared for his life.

“I don’t know what-”

"CAN YOU JUST STOP LYING? I gave you a chance to be honest with me, and now you want to lie to me not once but twice. God, you're such an asshole.”

“Oh, I’m the asshole? You wait for me to come home this late to make lies and assumptions about Lia after I told you-”

You cut right to the chase and showed him all the pictures on your phone.

He immediately wanted to fall to his knees at this moment. He has now been caught, and there are no excuses for what he has done to you.

He tried reaching out to grab your phone and said, “Hey, where did you get those-”

You swiped your phone and backed away from him. When he was approaching you, you caught a whiff of alcohol coming off of him.

He was clearly very intoxicated right now.

He hasn’t been this drunk since last year when he would come home late after parties. He was clearly unstable right now because he could barely stand. You almost started to feel a little worried for him.

“Was I not enough for you, Hendery? What did she have that I didn’t?”

He gave you a dazed look because he genuinely didn’t know how to respond to this. Even he couldn't understand why he did all of this in the first place. Ever since he has been in a relationship with you, he hasn't been to any parties and didn’t have that much fun. That’s why he originally planned this one for Yangyang. But he didn’t even know that Lia was going to show up. One thing led to another, he just kept on having drinks with her, and he couldn’t stop it.

 Just for one night, he didn’t even think about you.

“Look babe, I don’t know why I did it, okay? I will be honest with you, I used to have feelings for her a long time ago, and I was even going to take her out last year and-”

“Wait a minute, the night that I confessed to you, you were supposed to go on a date with her? Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Well, I thought I was completely over her, so I didn’t feel the need to tell you-”

“Oh, you’re such a jerk. You lied to me and told me I was overreacting and that it was just all in my head. You made me feel stupid, and you said she was talking to someone else. Was that all a lie too?”

“Technically no because she lied to me too.”

“And you think that’s supposed to just make things better? You’re such a terrible person; I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“It’s not like you’re any better anyways.”

He hit a nerve with you. You knew that because he was drunk, he was probably saying things he didn't mean, but you couldn't stay calm anymore.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me, sweetie. You’re just as bad as me. All you ever do in this relationship is control me and don’t let me be free. You stopped me from going out to parties as much, and I barely go out as much because of it.”

“Are you actually stupid? I didn’t say you couldn’t go; I just didn’t trust you because I knew some shit like this was going to happen. You’re starting to really piss me off now.”

“Then how about you just shut up then-”

You gave him a hard slap on his face. He had finally crossed the line. He was clearly upset about what you did, and he pushed you against the wall, causing one of the photos to fall against your arm and onto the floor. It scratched your arm a bit, and it was evident it was going to leave a mark.

“WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?” you yelled at him in anger.

He pinned you against the wall and looked down at you with frustration. You had never seen him this mad at you before. He had never been this violent towards you, and you were starting to feel scared of him.

He just started crying out of nowhere and tried to caress your face with his hands. “Baby, I’m so sorry and didn’t mean to hurt-”

“Get out now.”

He looked shocked and almost surprised by your response.

“If your ass is not out of here by the morning, I’m calling the police. I don’t want to see you ever again. Do you understand me?”

He instantly regretted all the things he had done to you. He knew you were serious because you had never spoken to him like this before.

"Me and you are done, Hendery."

You push him off of you and go straight into your bedroom, throwing all of his clothes and stuff out into the living room. He keeps begging and pleading for you to stop, but you ignore him; you have made up your mind at this point.

“Babe, please, I’m sorry. I clearly drank too much, and I shouldn’t have laid my hands on you. I promise we can fix this, and I'll do better-”

“NO, WE CAN’T. What don’t you understand when I say get out now? We’re done, and frankly, I just want you out of here immediately.”

“B-But where am I going to sleep tonight?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You should’ve thought of that before you went out and cheated on me. Here's all of your stuff; get out of here now.”

“I live here too, you know-”

“Well, not anymore.”

He starts to accept this outcome. He knows that nothing he could say or do could change your mind. He starts to make his way over to the front door and gives you a look of guilt. He really messed up this time; he was not only losing his girlfriend but his best friend.

“Oh, I know it’s too late to say this, but happy one-year anniversary.”

Holy shit.

You lost track of the time, and you realize that today was indeed your one-year anniversary with him. The fact that all this had to happen on the day of your anniversary makes everything even more painful. He closes the door behind him, and you never see Hendery ever again.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Seven years had passed, and you had established yourself in your career. You got a job offer that brought you back to your hometown. Three months into this new job, you had become close with your coworkers, who invited you out for drinks to celebrate. Excited for a night out, you dressed in your favorite outfit and headed to the bar, catching an Uber to meet your colleagues.

Little did you know, Hendery happened to be at the same place too. At first, he didn't notice you until Yangyang pointed you out.

"Hey, isn't that-"

"Yeah, it is her. I haven't seen her since we broke up. She looks so different now."

"Dude, I know. You were stupid for cheating on her in the first place."

“Tell me something I don’t already know. We probably would have still been together now if I wasn’t such an idiot."

As time passed, he began to miss you and being in a relationship with you. He longed for your company and missed all the time you had shared. Every day, he regretted hurting you and wished he could’ve fixed the relationship.

“Well, I don’t think it’s too late to properly apologize. Besides, that was years ago, I’m sure she is probably over it by now.”

“Oh, I know for a fact she is not. I really broke her heart, and she is not just going to move on from that.”

You were not over it. You still get triggered when you think of him. Even now, you don’t want to forgive him at all.

But another part of you still missed him.

You often imagined how life would have been if he never cheated. You envisioned feeling happy and fulfilled being with him. But he made his choice, and it was to not be with you.

“I wish I could just-”

He stopped as he noticed you laughing with one of your male coworkers. You were sitting pretty close to him and looked like you were really intoxicated. You were pretty much a lightweight and tended to get pretty “friendly” when drunk.

Hendery felt a little jealous seeing you with someone else. But he knew you guys haven’t been with each other in a very long time, so of course you would move on from him. It still hurts to see you with someone else.

“Dude, you're staring way too hard at her,” Yangyang said.

“No, I’m not,” Hendery replied as he looked away from you.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

"So much," Hendery replied with a sigh.

“Listen, I say you go talk to her and try to work things out. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, give her a better apology than before.”

He was right.

The night you and Hendery broke up, he was too intoxicated to even give you a proper apology.

“You know what? You’re right. I’m going to talk to her right now-”

“Woah, do you really think it’s a good idea? She looks pretty occupied now, and maybe you should talk to her after-”

“No, it has to be now. What if I don’t get an opportunity like this again? This is my sign to do it now.”

Yangyang nodded his head as he watched how Hendery made his way over to your table.

As he approached you, your whole demeanor started to change. You went from being carefree and happy to anxious and irritated.

“Unbelievable. I thought I never had to see your face again,” you said in a harsh but serious tone.

All your coworkers at the table noticed the shift in your behavior. They had never seen you so angry before.

“Look, I don’t want to take too much of your time, but can I-”

“Can you what? Make a fool out of me for the 2nd time now? Not in front of my friends. I would appreciate it if you leave now.”

Things started to get uncomfortable not only for you but also for your coworkers.

“It will just take like 5 minutes. Can we please just talk-”

“What is there to talk about? Just leave me alone. You’re pissing me off even more than before."

The guy sitting next to you noticed how your body was starting to shake a little. He didn’t know why the two of you broke up, but he saw that he was making you feel uncomfortable. So, he decided to do something about it. He sat up and placed a hand on Hendery's shoulder.

“Hey man, just back off, alright? She clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you. So I suggest you—"

Before things escalated, Yangyang intervened to break up the altercation between your coworker and Hendery before things got messier.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys, but let's just step away for a moment," Yangyang said, attempting to defuse the situation.

"Wait," you exclaimed.

Everyone at the table turned their attention to you, curious to hear what you had to say.

"Um, that won’t be necessary, Yangyang. I'll hear Hendery out and see what he has to say," you announced.

Your coworkers were shocked by your decision, and the one who had tried to defend you earlier asked if you were sure about it. You nodded in response.

Yangyang stepped away, and you followed Hendery to a table in the back where your conversation wouldn't be overheard.

Hendery stared at you, struggling to find the right words. You were just as beautiful and intimidating as ever. 

“Uh, are you going to say anything to me or just keep on being a creep?” you asked.

He let out a soft chuckle and said, “Nah, it's just you're still so pretty, and you look so different now.”

“Yeah, it's because I've been happier since we broke up.”

“Ouch, okay, I deserve that. Look, what I did to you was so wrong, and I don’t know how I can make it up to you. I'm seriously sorry for—”

“Oh, don’t act like you care now. You know, after we broke up, a small part of me was waiting for you to come back to try and make things right, and I hated myself for feeling that way. To have given you the benefit of the doubt, but you know what you did instead?” 

He looked worried about what you were going to say next.

“You decided to go back to your old ways and sleep with every girl you see, and you didn’t even try to text or call to give me a proper apology. It’s almost as if you wanted to find a reason to break up with me so you could go back to being a whore again.”

Hendery was a little hurt and taken aback by what you said. He knew you were a little buzzed and tended to speak bluntly because of it.

He hated that you were right about everything.

“Okay, you’re right. I was being childish, and you have every right to hate my guts right now. But that's why I want to make things right between us—”

“Make things right? Are you serious? You made me feel stupid all these years, I thought that I did something wrong and I wasn't enough for you. You made it seem like I was the problem.”

“Listen, I know none of this is okay, and you don’t have to forgive me. I just want you to hear me say that I’m sorry.”

You started to get up and said, “Well, you should’ve told me that seven years ago.”

He stopped you from walking away, grabbed your wrist, and said, “Look, I shouldn’t have cheated on you, and I should’ve just communicated how I was feeling about you. Instead, I was too much of a coward to say anything. I am a different person now.”

You rolled your eyes, as if you were going to believe anything he said. He was just saying this so he could find his way back into your life.

“Yeah, right? You've changed?”

You sat back down in your chair and crossed your arms at him.

“Actually, I have. I stopped drinking so much that I only do it on occasion now. I even went to therapy, and it really helped me out a lot. Probably the best thing I could’ve done for myself.”

He said this with such conviction, and it seemed genuine. He maintained eye contact with you, and that’s how you know he was telling the truth. Whenever he lied, he could never look at you in the eye.

You were starting to believe him.

Maybe you were being too harsh on him. It had been over seven years since you last saw each other, and people can change in that amount of time.

Even someone like Hendery.

You finally started to come around and cracked a little smile.

“Fine, I guess you have changed. The old you wouldn't have tried this hard to apologize to me.”

He was shocked when you initially turned around and decided to forgive him after all this time.

"So, do you forgive me?" he asked.

You were a little hesitant at first but decided to nod your head yes. He let out a sigh of relief as if a weight was being lifted off his chest.

“I forgive you, but it will take some time for me to accept you back into my life. I mean, we were really good friends, and you messed up our friendship as well.”

“I know, and I want to apologize for that too. My sisters would come after me for being such an idiot.”

“Oh yeah, how are your sisters? I haven’t talked to them in so long since I moved away.”

“They’re good! They always hoped that we would someday be good friends again!”

You guys began to catch up more, and it was starting to get pretty late. Your coworkers approached you and asked if you were coming with them, and you said you were going to stay back and talk with Hendery some more. As time went on, Yangyang had left too because he didn't want to interrupt what was going on between you two.

It was now midnight, and you had no ride home.

“Hey, I have no problem taking you home. Unless you’re not comfortable with that—”

“No, I don't mind. I don’t live too far away, so you can drop me off.”

He nodded, and you got into his car and sat in the passenger seat. You guided him on how to get there. Suddenly, it started to rain really hard, and it was getting harder for him to maneuver his way around. Eventually, you arrived at your place. You offered him to come inside, just until the rain started to dial down. He agreed, and you both ran inside into your apartment building. You made it into your room and put all your stuff down.

You were so focused on getting inside that you didn’t realize how Hendery's clothes were drenched in the rain, and his hair was wet. His wet clothes were clinging to his figure, making you see the outline of his body. He pushed his long hair back to stop it from covering his face.

Why were you still so attracted to him?

“Hey, your clothes are very wet. I can put them in the dryer for you.”

"Aw, thanks, I appreciate it."

He starts to take off his shirt, but you stop him.

"Whoa, you don’t have to do that in front of me. Just go to the laundry room, and I'll find you a t-shirt or something."

"Oh, please, don’t act like you've never seen my body before. It's just like when we were roommates, right?"

"Yeah, but it’s different now... just go put your clothes away."

He agreed and put his clothes in the dryer. You gave him one of your baggy shirts to wear while he waited. You sat on the couch and got comfortable, keeping a normal distance from each other. You talked more about life and what you've both been up to since being apart.

"So, whatever happened to Lia? How long did that last?" You said playfully, knowing their relationship was bound to end.

"We didn’t even last a week."

You started laughing hard, and he chuckled a bit too. You both knew he never actually liked her and just jumped at the first opportunity he had.

"Of course, it didn’t. What happened with that?"

"So, apparently, I was too 'boring' for her, and she wanted to be with someone more fun."

"That’s so stupid. God, I really never liked her. Still don’t know how you tolerated her."

It was crazy how you both went right back to the way things were. It felt purely platonic between the two of you, and you could freely talk about anything. It didn’t feel weird or awkward at all. You both were mature about the situation.

"So, what about you? I'm sure you dated some guys after we broke up."

"Surprisingly, not really. I had to heal and work on myself afterward. I didn’t meet anyone until after I graduated. I tried hookups, but they didn’t really help. So, I waited to be in a relationship with someone, and I did."

Hendery was very curious about what you meant by that.

"So, what happened with him?"

“So, the relationship ended a couple of months ago, and it was pretty off and on. We just weren't going to work out since I had to move back here. We didn’t want to do long distance, so we just broke up.”

You were so deep into the conversation that you didn’t notice how close Hendery sat next to you. He was only a knee's length away. He patted your shoulder and said, “Dang, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Ah, it’s alright. It was completely mutual, and yeah, it still hurts me a little. That’s why I went out with my coworkers to drink tonight, to try and ease the pain.”

“Wait, really? Now I feel even worse. I ruined your night out by dumping myself back into your life—”

You grabbed onto his arm and said, “Oh no, you didn’t ruin anything. Actually, a part of me is glad you did that. I missed having my best friend in my life.”

He smiled and got up from the couch, walking around your place a little bit. He looked at all the pictures on your wall and noticed the cracked photo frame that he broke the night of your breakup. It was a photo of you and him when you were kids.

“Whoa, you still have this? I can’t believe I hurt you that night. I really shouldn’t have done that.”

You got up and made your way over to him, replying, “Yeah, it’s fine. Plus, I struggle to let go of things, so I've kept it ever since. Also, look, the scar is still there too.”

You lifted up your sleeves and showed your arm to him. He had a guilty look on his face, and all this just made him feel even worse. He still couldn’t believe that he put his hands on you. Even though the scar was just a little scratch, he still felt terrible. He looked over to another photo, and it seemed to be a photo of you and your ex. He picked it up and said, “I’m assuming this was him?”

“Yeah, I tell myself I will get rid of it, but I just can’t bring myself to do it, you know?”

Hendery knew exactly what you were talking about. He still had photos of the two of you when you were dating. He looked back on them every now and then to reminisce on all the good memories you had together. He knew that you were in a vulnerable state in your life right now. You broke up with your boyfriend a long time ago, and you’re still trying to cope with it.

But, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted you right now.

He feels terrible, but he can’t help it. You were wearing an off-the-shoulder baggy shirt with some shorts. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. He felt like such a creep for having such lewd thoughts about you, and he didn’t know how long he could take it anymore.

"So, where's your room?"

"Nice try, but that's not going to work on me."

"What are you talking about? You're the one making it weird. I just asked a simple question."

Maybe he was right. You had been in your head a lot recently, and you tended to overanalyze things. He just wanted you to give him a little tour of your new place. You led him into your room. He saw that you kept it very simple, and instead of having lights on, you had candles lighting up your room. You both decided to chill there and play some music. Then, you started to talk more about life and didn’t even realize you were both lying side by side with each other on the bed. He then noticed a mysterious box you had next to your bedside table.

"Hey, what’s in that box next to you?"

You began to panic and forgot to put it away in your drawers. You couldn’t think of an excuse off the top of your head, and you said, “Oh, it’s nothing, you just reminded me to put it away-”

"Okay, now I know you’re lying to me because you always stumble on your words when you do that. Let me see it."

He tried to reach over you to get it, but you stopped and started to play fight with him. You were trying to push him back enough so you could secretly hide it somewhere when he wasn’t looking. You don’t know how this happened, but he is now on top of you and pinned your hands above your head with one of his hands. You were squirming under him and started to laugh at your struggle.

"Let go of me now."

"Aww, but where's the fun in that? Let’s see what you’re hiding in here."

He grabbed the box and opened it, and to his surprise, he saw what you were trying to hide so desperately.

All of your sex toys.

When you were together, you never really had any, probably just one or two. But this box was filled with so many things, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

"Wow, I didn’t know you liked all of this."

You started to become embarrassed by this situation, and the position you were in wasn’t making it any better.

“L-look, it’s not what y-you think. I-”

“Oh, don’t try and explain yourself now, sweetie. I knew secretly you were probably into a lot of things.”

He knelt down to your ear and whispered, “But I couldn’t ever imagine you being this much of a slut.”

Shivers ran down your spine as you felt your body go limp. It’s been forever since he talked to you like this before. It was as if his whole demeanor had changed, and he was starting to get serious.

“Well, people change, you know? I’m not the same person you used to be,” you said in a flirtatious manner.

He felt himself start to become hard for you. The way you looked so fragile and weak under him, with you pinned down with one of his hands, was really doing something to him.

He couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

“Oh, really now? I want to see this new version of you, so let me just-”

You had some handcuffs in the box, and he decided to cuff you to the headboard of the bed.

“U-um, what are you doing? I don’t think we should-”

“Come on, baby, don’t act like you don’t miss this. I mean, look at you down there?”

He took off your shorts, and he saw a wet spot formed in your panties. You were too embarrassed to say anything.

“Mhm, don’t act all shy now. This is only just the beginning. Let’s try using this on you-”

He lowered your underwear down past your ankles, and now you’re left in nothing but your t-shirt. He grabbed one of your vibrators and started to use it on you. You let out a loud moan from the sudden sensation you were feeling on your clit.

“P-please, slow it d-down-”

He brought it a level higher than before and started to laugh at you. He enjoyed seeing you trying to keep it together.

“God, you look so pathetic right now, and it’s actually kind of cute.”

You started to tense up a bit from his words. He started to spice things up by shoving one of his fingers into your aching pussy. You let out a loud scream and quickly covered your mouth with his other hand.

“Shh, baby, you don’t want your neighbors to find out what’s going on here. I need you to be good for me and try to keep your voice down,” he said in such a calming tone that it was starting to put you at ease. But you spoke too soon, and he added a second finger into your cunt. He was thrusting into you at a rough and hard pace. Tears started to form in your eyes as you bit your lips to hold back your moans.

“F-fuck, if you k-keep this up I’m going to-”

“I know, so why don’t you cum for me, okay?”

You nodded his head as he set your vibrator to the highest setting and continued fingering you at a rougher pace. When you came, he removed the toy and his fingers, then used his mouth to clean everything up. This took you a little off guard, but you felt satisfied.

You couldn’t believe this was happening right now.

He took off your handcuffs, and you felt like you were going to pass out. But Hendery took off his shirt and lowered his sweatpants down to his knees. You could see his hard-on protruding through his boxers, clearly aroused by you.

“Oh, we are not done yet, sweetheart. I’m not fully satisfied yet, and I can’t hold back anymore.”

He took off your shirt, and your chest was exposed to him. You felt the cold air on you, and that made your nipples start to perk up.

“You look so pretty, how can I ever resist you?”

He grabbed both of your legs and placed them over his shoulders, shoving his cock into you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, and you let out a loud moan. He wasn’t slowing down either. He was desperate for you, pounding into you with a rough and hard pace. He lowered his head to your chest and started to kiss all over your tits. He couldn’t help himself, and he had been wanting to do this to you all night. He started sucking on one of them while groping and squeezing the other with his hand. Then, he switched and repeated the same actions on the other boob. You were practically seeing stars at this point and didn’t know how long you could last.

“P-please, I-I don’t know if I can-”

“Yes, you can. You've done it before in my mouth, and now I want you to cum all over my cock.”

He was being so blunt, and he knew exactly what he wanted from you. He began thrusting aggressively into you and wrapped his hand around your neck. He felt you tighten up when he started to choke you, and he took note of that.

“Aww, you like this, don’t you, baby? You’re so needy for me, it’s adorable.”

There he goes again, making you feel all flustered for him. It was starting to become humiliating for you.

“Ah, shit, I’m going to cum soon. Do it at the same time with me, please,” Hendery exclaimed.

You nodded your head, and he went faster than before. The headboard of your bed was aggressively hitting the back of your wall. You knew for a fact that your neighbors were hearing all of this right now. But you didn’t care. You were lost in your own world with him, and nothing else mattered to you right now. You both started to be loud for each other and you eventually both finished at the same time. He was bottoming out inside of you and didn’t stop until he was satisfied.

You both fell back, side by side. Looking up at the ceiling, you started to question if this was really happening. Secretly, you both had thought about this before. Hendery turned to face you and said,

“Hey, I wanted to say I’m sorry for putting the moves on you this fast. I mean, you're still recovering from a breakup and-”

You stopped him from talking by kissing him. He was a little startled by this, but he wrapped his arm behind your waist and brought you closer to him.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything. Tonight was amazing, and it was the first time in a very long time I had someone make me feel this good.”

“So what about your ex?”

“Well, he was… interesting to say the least.”

“He didn’t make you cum sometimes, huh?”

You punched his arm playfully and began to laugh. “Yeah, he wouldn’t, and sometimes it was so bad I had to imagine it was -”

Shit, why did you have to say that? You were practically delirious because not only were you still trying to process what just happened, but it was 3 am, and you said anything that came to mind since you were very tired.

“Wait, what?”

“Uh, nothing…”

He grabbed your chin and had that condescending look on his face. “Come on, honey, tell me what you were going to say.”

You felt flustered again and said, “Fine, I sometimes would think about you so I could finish afterward.”

“Oh wow, to be honest, I would sometimes think about you too.”

You playfully slapped his arm and said, “Pervert.”

“Says the one who used to secretly watch me all the time.”

“Touche.”

You both laughed it off and cuddled for the rest of the night. You wondered what happens next from here. You both still have feelings for each other and didn’t want to walk away from this.

“So, how do you want to take things from here?” You said.

“Well, I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything. If you just want this to be it, I’m completely okay with that.”

“No, I missed what we had, and I don’t want this to be the end.”

“So, what are you saying?”

You sat up from the bed, and he did the same as well. You crossed your legs and faced him in his direction. You grabbed his hands and looked at him, saying, “I want us to get back together.”

Hendery had a worried look on his face.

“Are you sure about this? I really hurt you last time, and I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“I’m completely sure now, and I know you've changed since the last time we saw each other.”

He nodded his head and gave you a kiss on the lips. He spent the night at your place, and from that point on, you took things slow. You were both just happy that in the end, you found each other again…

[mrfelixfischoeder]

Zorya and Murderface 16, 18, 26, 28

thank you sm!!

16: Who is the better caretaker? Does their S/O like being taken care of?

SO, Bill likes caring for Zorya more, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's better at it. He tries too hard, gets a bit too nervous about making sure everything is perfect. I think cause she relies on him (or so he sees it, whether it's a cold or something more serious) and works himself up into thinking it's him or NOTHING!!! NO ONE ELSE!!! he needs to be perfect. Zorya has difficulty remembering she is being a caretaker and checking up on Bill unless he's being loudly in pain or annoying. So overall, Bill is better at it.

Zorya is the worst patient ever, pretends she isn't sick, HATES sitting in one place all the time. Bill loves being cared for and doted on and the physical affection that comes with being sick (Zorya learns this pretty quick and likes the faces he makes when she constantly feels his forehead for a temp or holds his chin while she puts the thermometer in his mouth)

18: They've had a major blowout. How do they handle it?

NOT GREAT! all their blowouts are major. They both overreact, and Bill comes from a place of fear of just everything being fucked the moment they both raise their voice. They take space away from each other, bitch about each other and the argument, get forced to do a therapy session with Twinkletits and then get back together. Eventually they learn not to take shit so personally and can skip the therapy and do their discussion & coping mechanisms together

26: Who gets jealous most often? How does their S/O deal with that?

They both get insanely jealous of each other. I'd say Bill gets more chances to be jealous so it's way more obvious. Zorya likes to see it, but it quickly gets annoying because it makes her feel bad, which sucks. They're both super quick to glue themselves to each other if theyre getting hit on, and Zorya loves to snuggle into Bill while the person hitting on her starts to flounder and stammer. And then she'll give him an Apology Blowie.

28: Do they trust one another? Are they comfortable discussing their fears with one another?

Trust is hard to come by for both of them initially - it's an uphill climb, and the trust comes with their mutual obsession as their feelings grow. They both won't tell each other's secrets on purpose (and both know that), but their fears? Things that actually mean something to them??? Bill ends up opening up first in a bid to gain some closeness, and it escalates to them both infodumping on each other for the rest of the night. They go through a phase of telling each other everything and it escalates to them then telling each other everyone else's secrets. (they still do that)

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Look at me being a predictable bitch but I would love to see um. Jameson. Perhaps during his recovery and rebuilding trust with Jake

CW: Injured caretaker with whumpee, recovering whumpees, referenced pet whump and past captivity/torture

"You, uh. Have to rotate your shoulder a little more." Jameson's voice is harsh, hoarse and rough like always but maybe a little more of an edge than he means it to have. He sits on the steps outside, near Jake but nowhere near him at the same time. The sun is warm on his scarred arms, briefly bared to the sun as he wears only a loose t-shirt and jeans.

If he could stretch his legs out, he'd be able to wiggle his toes into the blades of grass that badly need mowed, but his knees aren't having any of that plan, so he just sits and feels concrete warm under the soles of his feet instead.

"Yeah, probably." The sling is off, and Jameson glances sideways to see the big guy opening and closing his left hand, again and again, stretching his arm out, pulling it back. He's shirtless, in just loose pajama pants. The California sunshine and heat is layering his skin with an easy tan. Jameson doesn't look at his chest to see if the hair there's as blond as the hair on his head.

Well, yes he does. But only for a second.

The scar where Jameson stabbed him still seems glaringly, brilliantly new, a red slash across formerly mostly-pristine skin, and he has to look away as soon as his eyes take it in. Guilt twists inside of him, guilt and the fear that he could do it again, maybe to someone who won't survive it, to Allyn or Nat or... anyone else.

Jake again, even.

"Listen," Jameson says, voice low. Inside, he can hear Antoni and Allyn talking, Antoni walking them through some kind of baking thing . It had been a bunch of words and measurements that made no sense to him, but Allyn seemed eager to learn, and Jameson just... just wanted to feel like part of the house again. "I'm-... I'm sorry-"

"You said that already." Jake rolls his shoulder again and winces a little, glancing at it like it personally offended him to still be injured. Maybe it does. "I told you, no apologies necessary, taking risks is part of the job."

"Yeah, you said that, but-"

"And I meant it."

"Right. I just. So, I asked Nat to bring me over to see Allyn, but... kind of. I wanted to talk to you." He hates how weak he sounds, how his voice kind of trembles a little, and he glares down at his throbbing knees as if they had caused his nervousness. As if in response, nerve pain sparks and tingles up and down his leg, making the right one jerk a little unconsciously. He hits his thigh with one fist, but it doesn't do any good. It never does.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Jake blinks and looks over at him, surprised. "What about?"

"Uh. I want to-... to move back into the house."

There's a beat of silence - something that isn't surprise on the big guy's face but isn't exactly joyful excitement either, and Jameson hurries to fill the gap. "I-I'm working on shit, I take like three meds a day now - the pain meds don't do shit but the ones for my brain work, I swear, I haven't-... I haven't had any, um, any fucking weird shit things in my head for a while, and I want to be closer to Allyn-"

Jake takes a deep breath. "Jameson-"

"I'm not going to hurt you again," Jameson says, as quickly as he can get the words out, almost breathless. His hands clench into fists, muscles knot up all the way up his spine, everything hurts from the stress of trying to say what he's been wanting to say for hours now, since he got here. "I'm not. I'm, I'm better. I won't hurt you."

There's another beat of silence. Jake presses his lips together, then exhales loudly. "It's not me I worry about, Jameson. I have to think about all my people here, not just one."

"I've-... I've never fucking touched anyone else-"

"I know, but you've come real close with Nova, and after what happened with me, I just-"

"No, I won't. I won't hurt anyone." Jameson leans forward, tries to look to the side and catch Jake's eye, but the big guy won't look at him - and that's answer enough, isn't it? His heart twists, and he shouldn't have asked, he knew he shouldn't have asked. It's why he didn't tell Nat, honestly, he knew he shouldn't have. The taste of Jake's voice is sour with the sudden certainty Jameson has that he will never, ever be safe for the people he cares about. Even the guy whose entire literal job is to fucking deal with people like him doesn't want him here.

"Let me think about it," Jake says, finally. "Okay? We've brought in this new guy, Rafael, and I just. Let me think about it."

Jameson knows what let me think about it means. It means no. He's not fucking stupid. He has to look back down at his feet, closing his eyes against a sudden burning rush of tears he can't let anyone see. Fury and fear and guilt overrun his nerves, and it's all just layers of pain.

Jake stands, moving back inside, and Jameson keeps his eyes closed as the sun shines hot on his hair and arms, as the wind moves along the lines of his face like the fingers of someone who loves him.

Allyn's voice startles him when they say, softly, "So how did it go?"

Jameson pushes himself to his feet - and jesus, he's so fucking glad when his knees hold him long enough for him to grab the cane he brought with him - and walks away from them without answering.

The big guy's fucking job is to take chances on people like him, and even he thinks Jameson is too big of a risk.

He makes it to the sidewalk before his knees give out again.