#with external validation

[kasarian]

this is a vent. but also i think the tags include more vent than the actual post. sawwry.

if it matters, i do have DID, and right now its kas. kas always pops up whenever nate (who is host) or [other n] gets upset. kas is always here and ready to bite. i have been feeling like this more often than not since ive been trying to make my bluesky more active again. i am in pain. but can i afford to take a break? no prolly not.

[vodid]

little animation <3

[iambrillyant]

“the beautiful thing about being your own muse is that you never have to be at the mercy of anyone’s gaze to feel validated, you never have to rely on external energy to feel like you are worthy of celebration, you continue being art regardless of whether they see you or not.”

— billy chapata

[reallyamerica]

i know like everyone seems to already collectively agree what Cardassian genitalia is like based on that one speculative fic thing but what if i already started writing garashir porn before i was clued in is everyone gonna be mad at me or can i be forgiven for envisioning something different

[kirby-the-gorb]

[incandescentflower]

I really love Akin as a character. But because he is such a good character I simultaneously am endeared by his struggle to open himself up to Jin and also feeling the dread (tm) about his pride inevitably getting in the way.

He's so used to that external validation, but it's something that would have stopped eventually anyway so who better to be the one to "dethrone" him than Jin, the man who admires him and loves him?

You see Akin start to toy with the idea that maybe there could be happiness in his life while being his authentic self, but at the same time you can feel how fragile he is, how difficult it is for him to find value in himself if he's not the center of the public's attention.

It could come off as obnoxious or petty, but when you see him contrasted with Jin who is so self assured, so comfortable in his own skin, so able to take criticism or scrutiny, it's impossible to not sympathize with Akin.

If you always believe you are one step away from not measuring up, how do you love the person whose mere existence incites comparisons where you fall short?

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.

[ocularpatdowns]

there’s a subtle distinction where both mac and dennis want to be loved and valued unconditionally despite their flaws but:

mac = wants to be called a good boy

dennis = wants to be calling someone a good boy for meeting his needs

MAKE SENSE?????

mac: (gets called ‘good boy’ in bed, immediately jizzes so hard his soul leaves his body out his dick)

dennis: (gets called ‘good boy’ in bed, immediately drops the scene) ON WHOSE AUTHORITY?? I ALREADY KNOW THAT U GODDAMN BITCH!!!! BE GONE FROM ME!!!

this isn’t a sub/dom thing, this is a motivations thing -- for dennis it's control and for mac it's validation.

regardless of the configuration, mac is doing at least 75% of the work in bed

[swirling-romantics]

I go absolutely feral whenever I see some one liking several of my posts at once.

I need those people on a carnal level it's not funny.

If this is you, yes, I see you and I'm completely and irreversibly in love with you, please marry me right this instant

[boykingscourt]

hey sorry if this sounds pathetic but you guys still like me and think I'm cool right

[kalpalatas]

if a future chapter reveals that kghr started dating earlier in the timeline than ssmy did several people are going to be reaching for bleach

[dollypopup]

I think it's interesting to look at the 'Mr. Bridgerton' scene as a backdrop for the eventual mirror scene. Firstly, in the fact that I think we've kind of misinterpreted it.

So many people are of the mind that scene's purpose to 'drag' Colin, but really, that scene has 3 primary functions. The first is to inform Colin that Penelope is aware of what he said of her, thus opening the door to clearing the air between them and providing an avenue for which Colin can apologize. The second is to establish the ground that they are currently on: Penelope has given up on the dream of Colin Bridgerton, in particular the perfect prince that can do no wrong, and has made it clear to him. It also creates distance between them that they will bridge.

But the third, and to me the most wrapped up in the mirror and the inner workings of their relationship is that it reveals how Penelope feels about *herself*. It's not necessarily an echo of what the ton considers her as, after all, we have a lot of evidence indicating that, for all intents and purpose, people aren't *unkind* about her, but rather that they ignore her. Audience members recognize this as Penelope's own shyness being the cause, she is often sitting off on the sidelines or not really talking to much of anyone, in the books she's referred to as the 'one who doesn't speak', and her LW business takes her away from being a character in the action of the ton to a bystander, kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts that perpetuates itself. Pen felt unseen so she became LW to have some power, but then LW herself must remain unseen and Penelope continues to be by design of her own making.

No, I think what it really reveals is that Penelope has incredibly low personal self esteem. We as a fandom has lauded that scene as her dragging Colin, saying that he's cruel and calling him Mr. Bridgerton is absolutely meant to create distance between them, but I don't think she's dragging him.

Because the person she is *actually* dragging here. . .is herself. And it is a general theme in her life. In Whistledown. Aloud. Even with Marina, when she complimented her, she assumes that she's lying. When Edwina says she's wearing a pretty dress, Penelope puts herself down and doesn't believe her, even when the compliment is genuine. In truth, Portia is not seen as being particularly unkind to Penelope. At least, speaking as someone who's mum was *awful* about my size and weight and outfits, Portia is. . .overall rather mild. She's not KIND and loving, not by a long shot, but she's also not targeting Penelope only. She's plenty mean and critical to Prudence, too, even to the point where she foists her off to her own cousin as a pawn piece. Penelope has low self esteem because of a lot of reasons, she's bullied by Cressida (I think a lot of girls are, she was pretty mean even to Daphne in S1) and her family isn't very tender to her, and she's not being pursued at every turn, but part of it is also her own perpetuation.

Listen to what she says "Of course you would never court me" "I embarrass you" "I am the laughingstock of the the ton". She sees *herself* as an embarrassment. She puts *herself* down. Arguably, more so than the ton does. She's meaner to herself than anyone else is, aside from Cressida. And honestly? Looking at Colin's face there. . .he is HURT that she considers herself this way. That she's projecting that onto him. Yes, he's hurt that he hurt her, of course he is, he never wants to hurt her. And yes, he's ashamed that he said he wouldn't court her the way he did and that in doing so, he validated her fears that she is unloved and unwanted, but also because. . .she already feels that way about herself. She's felt that way for years. And it's painful to care about someone, to see them as wonderful, and realize. . .they don't feel the same about themselves at all. I don't think Colin is out here feeling so wounded over the fact that she called him cruel and won't refer to him by first name anymore, but that he's most hurt by what she says about herself.

Because he *doesn't* see her the way she accuses. She says she never expected him of all people to be so cruel, but he feels the same way. He never expected her to be so cruel to *herself*. He wants to go somewhere private, not because she is an embarrassment, but because he wants to have a private conversation with her. Maybe assure her. Maybe explain himself. Maybe hash it out. But god Luke Newton's acting. . .he is *aching* for her. And it feels like he's going to do those lessons not in atonement for what he said (thank god) but to genuinely help his friend who thinks badly of herself. To lift her up. It's not about him at all, not about earning forgiveness, but about elevating Penelope. And that's. . .fuck, I just find that's just so heart stoppingly beautiful.

You can see, in that scene, how much he cares about her. How deeply and genuinely he adores her as a person. And just how painful it is for him to know he has validated, whether on purpose or otherwise, how poorly she feels about herself. How low her self-confidence really is. She is giving him a glimpse into the cracks of her heart, and when he sees them, he wants to reach out with both hands and make it feel better. Make her feel better.

After she says 'even when I change my entire wardrobe', he looks so fucking crushed. So 'don't say that'. So 'you really believe that?'. So 'God, I hate that you think that way'.

Because regardless of it all, he does love her. It's not romantic yet. It's not sexual yet. But he genuinely, truly, from the bottom of his heart, thinks she's wonderful. That was evident even in the 'purpose' scene. Every time Penelope opens up and reveals a facet of herself, he likes it. He likes her barbs and her dreams, he likes talking to her. He likes her. And he feels awful that he hurt her. And he feels awful that she's hurting herself. He loves her. He wants her to love herself.

And that's where the mirror scene comes in. Because the mirror scene isn't about sex, not really. Not entirely, at least. The mirror scene is about *intimacy*. The mirror scene is about being seen. Not just her seeing him, or him seeing her, but for Penelope to see *herself*. In a way, through his eyes. Because hers are biased rather negatively toward herself, which is evidenced in the 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene, and in so many little moments we've already gotten where she's literally looking down on herself, feeling down. She doesn't necessarily *like* what's in the mirror, but he does. Because he likes *her*. And he wants to show her that he does. Show her that he finds her beautiful and have her recognize that in herself.

The 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene is about Penelope revealing how she sees herself. The mirror scene is about Colin showing her how *he* sees her. The Goodnight scene is about Penelope thinking she means nothing to him, that he thinks of her the way she thinks of herself, that this is how everyone thinks of her, and the mirror scene is a direct response to that: No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't think she's embarrassing. No, he doesn't think she's a laughingstock. No, he doesn't think she's unappealing. And he doesn't think she should, either.

And he's going to show her that. Not just tell her, but show her. The mirror scene is so often a focus on Penelope, so much of Polin is in Penelope's focus, but approaching it from Colin's perspective and his motivations is so fulfilling, too. It's a glimpse into them in conversation, and a demonstrate of how Colin loves her. How Colin loves in general, openly and earnestly and altruistically. How he encourages her to be braver and more confident in herself, bolstering her because he just likes her *that much*. How he finds the most fulfillment and satisfaction in caring aloud. The mirror scene is a demonstration of his heart in reflection.

When Luke Newton said the first word that came to mind with the word 'Mirror' was 'Exposed', he doesn't just mean physically. He means emotionally, too.

God this couple is so fucking good.

[xxdreamscapes]

I resent the TikTok-ification of everything cause wdym a hobby is supposed to make you unique and more interesting??!

Hobbies should be something you enjoy. They can be casual or can be full-blown passions. They should bring things like joy and whimsy. You should be able to enjoy them alone if no one else is around. You don’t have to post about how you’re rollerskating 24/7, a lot of things don’t need to be posted or capitalized on. It makes me think that you don’t love yourselves enough to enjoy things on your own. Someone always has to be watching. Ya’ll are wasting your lives away performing for the validation of people who couldn’t give less of a shit and it is SAD

Hobbies don’t need to be attractive or become this productivity contest bitch !

Stand tf up. Enjoy things for what they are, not for the attention or capital they’ll bring

[pali-and-proud]

Heyyy :)

Self-promo, kinda embarrassing; chapter 3 of my fic, little kid lost at sea, is officially out! Incredible what happens when you don't want to study for a genetics exam.

If you like my usual posts, I think you'll enjoy it! And if you don't, you should lie to my face and tell me you enjoy it anyway :D It's currently at almost 29k words, because we all know I cannot shut up.

Hope y'all like it!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62176822/chapters/159048292

[pacificwanderer]

Reylo is was and always will be canon. I sure don't need some marketing copy to confirm what mine eyes have seen!

[mello-when-hi]

So I’ve seen people lamenting the lack of new fics, how there’s nothing New to read and that they’re waiting out the days until writers resume posting. When the fics start trickling out again, show them some love! Leave the kudos, write that comment! You have no idea how much the support of the readers means to a writer, so make sure to let authors know how much you appreciate their work!!!