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#with the hopes of being host and making minimum wage
baby-prophet · 1 year
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today was weird.. I ended up sobbing in the bathroom at work while these two little girls sharing the large handicap stall made disgusting fart sounds with their mouths.. it felt so surreal
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catboybiologist · 6 months
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Hi! I'm Sierra. Time for a pinned post refresh.
Otherwise known as CatboyBiologist, or @hi-sierra (my SFW blog [this one is SFW too, but less so]). This page is remaining active, but if you want to find me somewhere else, I use the same username on reddit, Instagram, co-host, and tech.lgbt. This is me:
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Trans woman, PhD student in molecular biology, boymoder, shitposter, freediver, hot girl on your phone, hiker, rambler (this post included), tgirl tummy tuesday supplier and enjoyer, former femboy, bane of bioessentialist fuckwads who try to use biology to validate biogotry, flaming bisexual, 196 nanocelebrity… whatever was the first thing that brought you to my blog, I hope it’s enough to get you to stay! I post selfies, hornyposts (minors and people who are averse to that be warned), stuff about the ocean, posts about my growing sense of wanderlust, my adorable lil tortoise, tutorials for transfemmes and GNC people, rambles about science, documentation of my own transition, rambles about transness, rambles about the eroticism of programming a machine to feel arousal, rambles about nature, and random shitposts. Please send me pictures of cute animals in your life!
If you wanna support my science career and my transition, consider dropping a tip here! PhD salaries are notorious for being negotiated to be exactly the cost of living…. And then forgotten about for years as inflation drops that below minimum wage. So I’m always a little strapped for cash. Anything helps!
Links to some of my tutorials and relevant resources under the cut:
I'm tracking my transition, and some people have said they found this helpful! This spreadsheet is generally updated monthly:
Usually, I write a little journal to go with it when it updates- you can find that under the #trans journal on my blog.
If you're interested in checking out some of the things I'm trying to write, here's a post with links to individual stories I'm making:
https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/741010247774306304/writing-consolidation-post?source=share
My femboy guide, written well before I started HRT, but still has relevant info:
A "boyboob" tutorial, aka how to make it look like you have cleavage in an outfit that looks better with it:
A quick and dirty guide to taking better selfies, with a specific emphasis on people who may have stopped hating their body recently due to transition:
And here's a few of my personal favorite little rambles and posts about my transness, in no particular order:
CW for transphobia on this one:
A massive shoutout to @foldingfittedsheets for this amazing art of the lil borgir holding a trans flag:
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I adore this so much <3 if you want to support their art, her commissions are open and really sweet!!!!
And of course, a massive shoutout to @whalesharkcat for this lovely pixel art of my tortoise:
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I still love this so much, and will continue to into the future <3
For preHRT selfies, search the femboy tag. For post HRT selfies, use the "trans selfie" tag. I've been on HRT since August of 2023, so I'm still very early in the process! Day to day, I present male, but I plan to change that around the 1 year mark.
I guess that's about it! One final note is that I've been alluding to video/podcast style things for a while now. With my aderrall prescription, I've actually put in a lot of research work that might lead to 1-4 of those, so that might actually happen in the near future! No promises of course, life always catches up to you.
And if you liked my previous pinned post better, here it is:
Anyways, if you read this far, thanks for sticking around and bbyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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brookekiszkaa · 8 days
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Viva Las Vegas
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🎲About: When invited to see your childhood best friends perform at the International Hotel and Casino, things take a turn of events and reveal suppressed feelings for your once lover and now enemy.
♦️Jake Kiszka x reader
♠️Word count: 6k
♣️Warnings: mentions of sex, drinking, angst, crying, cheating, ldk what else 🙌🏻
🃏Authors note: enjoy this is my first story so I hope it’s good and if the format is messed up sorryyy😛
⭐️⭐️⭐️
If you were to be told that your childhood best friends were performing at the International Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, you would die laughing. Growing up in the small town of Frankenmuth Michigan, you were always told you needed to live a big life and make the town proud, and that is exactly what you did. After finishing high school, you dropped the idea of college and found yourself working at the well-known store of Bronners, making a little less than minimum wage, but it worked. You saved up for 2 years straight, just to be able to rent out a small studio apartment in Nashville Tennessee, the music city. You landed yourself a job at a small bar that frequently hosted small and upcoming bands, one of them being the Orange Blossoms: the band you now market for full-time while working for RCA Record Labels. Life was good, really good; well until you got a very interesting call two weeks back from a very drunk childhood best friend, Josh Kiszka.
“Hello?” You asked rubbing your eyes. It had to be at least 3 am and you were woken out of a dead sleep to answer a call you should’ve just let go to voicemail.
“Y/N MY FAVORITE PERSON,” you could practically smell the alcohol reeking off the man you called your other half through the phone “HOW ARE YOU!”
“Josh,” you pulled the phone away from your ear and to no surprise the time read
3:05 am “It’s 3 am I was asleep just like you should be. Is there something you need?”
“Mama, do I ever need a reason to call the girl I love the most?” He asked almost slurring every other word
“No Josh but it’s a Thursday and I have work soon and need to sleep. Goodnight Joshua”.
“NO, NO WAIT. I had something to tell you but it slipped my mind.. Jake, what was I going to tell y/n again?” That name. The name of the man who had destroyed you. Josh’s twin brother, Jacob. Thomas. Kiszka. Silence hit the air and you could hear the long-haired man laugh and mumble something to his brother.
Jake and you had dated back in high school. It wasn’t a quick thing, it was a three-year-long commitment. Jake was your first and you his. He was there for the first time you got black-out drunk, greened out, ran away from home, lost your childhood pet, everything. Jake was not only your boyfriend but your best friend and you were beyond happy, you couldn’t ask for anything more. Well, all that joy and happiness, left in the blink of an eye on the night of your senior prom. It took no time at all for you to see the photo. There, in his jet black tuxedo and pink tye to match your flowing dress was an 18-year-old Jake pushed up against the wall with some dumb blonde. The dumb blonde in question? your best friend. Life had changed completely. All the sorries in the world couldnt make up for what he had done to you. You could care less about the skanky bitch you called your best friend but Jake? Your Jake? You have never felt more alone in your entire life. You broke contact with him for 6 years. Six years of your life you spent tip-toeing around him. You would exchange glances at parties Josh or Sam would host but not a single word would leave your lips. Josh had tried his best to break up the tension but you were stubborn, you always have been and that was partially the reason Jake had stopped trying so hard to apologize to you, because he knew you wouldn’t forgive and forget.
You broke the no contact on the twin's 24th birthday. You were invited to the party and you didn’t think twice about going, not for Jake but for Josh. Only for Josh. However, to lie and say Jake had looked nothing far from gorgeous would be wrong. He looked.. perfect. You found yourself drinking one too many martinis made by the fluffy-haired twin and ended up letting the alcohol take its course and finally speaking to the man who broke your heart. As you moved your body through the sea of people invited to the house located just out of Nashville, you found your glossy eyes looking upon a somber Jake.
“Hi.” you said quietly as you took a seat next to him outside by the small fire that had been growing rather dim as the night went on.
“Hi, Angel.” He said as his eyes met yours, using the same nickname he gave you all those years back in high school.
“ I uh, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday and wish you a year full of good memories or whatever you have in your life you want to be good.” God your mouth had never felt so dry as you were at such a loss for words. Why you were even speaking to him was beyond you.
“Thank you. How have you been? It's been what? Five-ish years?”
“Ive been good, I could be better but work is good and I got a dog of my own, yea lifes been, been going good.” Been going good and we should keep it that way, you thought to yourself.
“I'm glad. Ive missed you, Angel. Ive missed what we had.” His hand found its way to yours. Just as soon as it happened it was over as a girl was soon calling his name. A girl whose voice you’ve heard more than once before. As you turned your head, to no surprise you were met with the girl he cheated on you with all that while back. You sobered right up and stood quickly.
“It shows Jake. Happy birthday again.” and with that, you continued with your life, not speaking to the ghost of the man you once knew.
As you came back from your thoughts you were brought back to a drunk Josh rambling on about god knows what.
“So what do you say?” Jesus you must have been zoned out, I mean it was 3 am and this call was more than unnecessary in your eyes.
“Sorry, repeat what you just said, but make it short.”
“ I SAID, we're going on another leg for the US and were going to this fancy place in Vegas where Elvis played and I want you to come.” You had already seen the infamous Greta Van Fleet perform far more than once but a trip to Vegas didn’t sound too terrible.
“The International Casino?” you asked confusingly
“Yeah, that's the one! It's in a few weeks Angel so you have time to think but it would mean the world to all of us if you would delight us with your amazing presence.” You let out a small laugh, ignoring the fact that the nickname has made its way to stick with you for so long.
“Send me over the details in the morning Josh and I’ll look into it. Im going to bed now and I think you should too, love you lots Josh.” The short man let out a sigh wished you a good night and hung up.
Now, you sit in your hotel room, a suite not to mention, putting on the lash finishing details to your makeup, similar to that of which Josh does, and preparing for the night ahead. As you added the last rhinestone to your cheek, you moved to grab your favorite red lipstick, carefully applying it only to be interrupted by a phone call from no other than the man himself.
“Hello, mamas.”
“Hi Josh, to what do I owe the pleasure”
“I’m sending someone up to your room right now to grab you and bring you to the dressing rooms, then we're gonna bring you to your spot. Sound good?” You laughed knowing that by going on this trip Josh was going to do whatever he needed to make sure that you had lived it to the best extent, even if that meant reserving a special spot in the pit when you were more than happy to be in a seat, out of the way.
“Yes that’s fine Josh,” you said with a laugh “I’ll see you soon.”
With that, you continued applying your lipstick, sprayed your favorite perfume, and were met with a soft knock at the door to your luxurious suite. You opened the door to see one of the many men you'd seen running around with the band before and allowed him to escort you to a room that was titled “Greta Van Fleet-Josh Dressing” and let you inside.
You were immediately met with showers of welcomes, seeing that not only Josh sat in this room but Sam and Danny too, Jake nowhere to be found.
“Angel! We’ve missed you come in!” exclaimed Josh and he sat up from his spot in a chair and left the woman doing his makeup dumbfounded at the sudden change in focus. As he came up to hug you it felt as if any worry you had about the night had left you completely. His hug was soon followed by Sam and Danny which led you all into a deep conversation of how life had been. Well, as deep as it could go seeing as they had to perform in just short of 30 minutes. As Sam rambled on about Rose and his love life your mind drifted to the fact that the other, more serious, twin wasn’t present. It must have shown on your face for Sam cleared his throat and said
“Jake in his dressing room, “practicing” is what he calls it but im pretty sure he's in there taking shots to pregame.” You let out a soft “ah” to show your understanding. It didn’t come as a surprise to you that Jacob Kiszka was pregaming, you felt like you always saw him drinking before a show, even when he was back in Frankenmuth whether it be a beer or a shot of vodka. Soon you found yourself taking a shot with the boys as if to say good luck on the stage tonight, knowing they wouldn’t need that; I mean they were amazing, to say the least. You saw the effect these men had on some of the people in the crowd, not just from their undeniable beauty but from the fact that their music meant something, it changed people and you couldn’t be more proud of them. While you never imagined them this big, you felt like they had this written in the stars for them. After exchanging conversation they got the five-minute call and the next thing you knew you were being brought out of the room and down to the pit. As you walked down the small hallway leading you to the stage, you heard the voice of a man talking to another, but not just talking, he was mad, really mad. The security guard tried to hurry you along past the scene but as you passed him, you could see that black suit, shining in the light due to the amazing detailing from the rhinestones and diamonds, and you knew that was Jake. Your Jake. Why he was mad? You wish you knew. Maybe something happened with his guitar, or maybe he had just gotten bad news from someone, but whatever it was, you weren’t even allowed a moment to process it before you were pushed along to your “special spot”. You found yourself being lifted over the railing of the pit and put smack dab in the middle of the barricade. You almost felt bad, this could’ve been someone else’s spot so before he could walk away, you grabbed the arm of the security guard and pulled him close to the railing.
“Is there anywhere else I can sit? Maybe up there?” you yelled out as you pointed to the seats sitting at an angle to the side of the stage.
The guard just looked at you and sighed, “They told me they wanted you here specifically, so they could see you. Don’t worry we had someone hold this spot for you. Enjoy the show Ms.Y/L/N.” And with that, he was gone and the lights started to dim, followed by a beautiful violin cover of the songs off Starcatcher.
The curtain fell and the boys made their way down from their spots, going on with the show as normal, until it came to the point of what would normally be their switch to the second stage, except this venue, in particular, did not have one, so they stayed put and gathered around into a half circle, facing the crowd in front of them. Sam had started to play a melody on his keys you knew all too well and once Josh started singing, tears filled your eyes. It was always a joke growing up about how much you and Mrs.Kiszka adored John Denver, Jake, and Josh egging it onto you how much you were like their mom. You had always seen on social media postings of them playing bits from The Music Is You, to honor their mom when playing back in your home state, but it never once crossed your mind that they may do the same for you. Josh had sang beautifully as always and made it a point to look right at you and reach his hand out to you when he finished the little snippet of the song you adored oh so much. You wiped your eyes and mouthed a quick thank you to Josh. While it may have seemed silly to the girls around you, you hadn’t seen the boys in truly so long, and just to hear them sing, knowing it was for you, made you appreciate how much they have changed you and your life, good or bad.
As the concert continued you found yourself in a sea of screaming girls once the familiar tune of The Archer, began playing. Josh had told you over the phone about the many interactions he had with fans, going down to the pit, hugging, kissing, grabbing them, and showing his love during Jake's extended solo and you expected nothing different for tonight. Just as you expected, Josh made his way down to the pit, hugging as many as he could but your attention drifted elsewhere. Your eyes found taking in the image of the man you once called your true love as he shook back and forth with his guitar, dramatizing the solo more than it needed to be. You found yourself taking in his features; his long, wet hair, the way it stuck to his face due to the sweat running down his body to his torso, the way his hips shook back and forth as he damn near abused his guitar on the stage. You couldn’t draw your eyes away but were broken out of your trance as soon his met yours. The tension you felt was unreal and hard to differentiate between sexual or pure rage for what had happened all that time back. It wasn’t just the cheating that had you mad though and you knew that. Jake was a slut, a genuine slut. You felt like he was sleeping around with a new girl after every show and he made no point of hiding it as photos circulated on the internet of him leaving venues with different girls every other week. You watched as he would watch himself play, in awe with his state of himself, what a self-centered asshole you thought. Soon, you brought your eyes away from his but couldn’t help but feel them staring down at you throughout the remainder of the show, almost as if he tried his best not to look before but now couldn’t control it. As Josh reached the last note of the last song, they bid their farewells and wished their love to all in the crowd and soon exited the stage.
As the pit fully cleared out, you made your way from the front of the pit despite the security trying to escort you to the boys backstage, you broke out of their hold telling them you needed to go to the restroom and would find your way back there on your own. You felt like you were being babied and honestly needed a drink or two after whatever the hell that show was. You moved through the sea of people and found yourself standing at a bar waving down a bartender, ordering your usual Jack and Coke. As the cold drink met your lips, you could feel yourself loosen up in an instant. Three drinks later you found yourself too far from tipsy but not yet fully drunk, you would give yourself a drink more before you were completely dazed out. You closed out your tab and picked up your phone, being met with text after text from Josh asking where you went. You called him and asked where he was, telling you he was at some restaurant located in the hotel and would send Sam to come and get you. As you sat impatiently, you decided it wouldn’t hurt to get another drink; the boys were probably near drunk by now as well who cares you thought as you ordered another drink, asking for it to be stronger than the last one, asking for this drink just to be put on the room, to which Josh was paying for. As you finished the last drops of your drink it was only a matter of time before the alcohol worked its course and you felt ready to dance and let loose.
Soon, Sam's body found yours as you laughed to him about just how good the show truly was, showering him with compliments on the band's skill. He only laughed alongside you, letting the alcohol drift from his breath to your face, letting you know it indeed was ok to order that last drink. As he guided you back to the restaurant, you were met with surprise seeing as the restaurant was not only a restaurant but a dance club. The seats consisted of a few big, dimly lit booths, and many high tops and scattered lounge chairs. Sam led you to one of the booths and you slid your body right in, to Josh, except the booth was now only being filled by you and Josh, the other three boys out dancing or getting drinks by the bar. You leaned into Josh and shouted as loud as you could over the music.
“The show was amazing Josh,” you said partially slurring your words “thank you for playing my song for me; ‘meant a lot y’know.” You smiled at him, eyes glossy.
“Anything for my favorite girl.” He said, pulling you into his arms and hugging you tightly.
You found yourself being pulled in all sorts of directions as Josh danced the night away with you until your phone read about 2 am. You pulled Josh to the side and told him it was time for you to make your way back to your room and sadness filled his eyes.
“I don’t want the night to end either Josh but I’m tired and drunk and need to sleep.” you laughed lightly.
“Yeah, I know mama. When is your flight back to Nash? Maybe we can spend the day on the strip tomorrow before we gotta go?” You looked at the man like he had six eyes. You were in no state to think of such difficult things, or at least that's how they seemed to you. You lazily gave him an estimate knowing it was some time in the afternoon, but it was late enough for you to spend time with him and the rest of the boys. As you wished him goodnight you stumbled out of the restaurant-themed club and made your way toward the elevators.
As you pressed the elevator buttons and entered in, you pressed the button leading you to the twelfth floor where your room resided. Just as the doors were about to close, a hand wedged itself in between the two doors, opening them back up and bringing you to face a, at least you would think, equally as drunk Jake. You didn’t want to talk to him let alone look at him but god did he look good. As he walked in he let out a small sigh, almost disappointed on who was in the small box with him. Before you could even open your mouth to ask him what floor he was headed to, he leaned in front of you, almost far too close for comfort, and pressed the number directly above the one you lit up and returned to his place on the opposite side, not exchanging a single word. You were praying the floor would stop somewhere else and someone would get into the elevator with the two of you, breaking the awkward silence but no one did. As the elevator made its way up you cleared your throat and as soberly as possible said
“You guys put on quite the show tonight.” You couldn’t tell if it came off as rude or a compliment.
“Glad you enjoyed it, Angel.” He said, his eyes lifting from the floor to look at you, take in your outfit, tailored specifically for this evening. You were dressed in a shorter-than-short silver skirt to show off your height as Jake himself always joked how you should be flaunting your “long legs” whatever the fuck that meant, followed by a black corset that had detailing that was similar to that of what was embroidered on the twins suits. Your skin was covered in glitter, from your chest to your arms and you supported a few dainty necklaces gifted from the boys themselves as well as a bracelet you bought for yourself just for this event. You put on your cleanest pair of go-go boots and do your makeup to resemble Josh, followed by a red lip and your hair in loose curls. How it all stayed on to this moment was a surprise to even you but it did, and maybe this time it genuinely was the alcohol, but you felt hot, really hot. Jake had managed to find time to change so he sported a simple linen set you've seen him wear one too many times before, leaving all but the last two buttons undone to show off his toned chest against the silver of his plethora of silver coins.
“It's not polite to stare.” you stated flatly at the man before you, toying with the bracelet on your wrist to keep you occupied. God this elevator was taking forever.
“You seemed to have no issue earlier towards the end of the show.” He let out slightly with a smug smile almost as if to insinuate something more than what was there.
“I’m sorry? Am I supposed to stare at the floor during a concert?” You snapped back only to be met with a smile forming wider on his lips.
“Like I said, glad you enjoyed Angel.” He said, cooly.
Finally, the elevator reached your floor and you couldn’t help but sit for a minute, debating everything that’s happened between you and Jake, realizing that even after all the years, you find yourself feeling the same way you did for him all that time back. You looked up at the man in front of you in confusion about the way you felt, wondering if he felt the same.
“Goodnight Jake.” you said softly before exiting the small box and beginning the walk down the hallway. As you approached your room you felt like your legs were ready to give out. You pulled your room key out and entered the room, sleep taking over your body. As you walked in you immediately made your way to the bed, needing a minute to regain some energy before getting up again and taking off your ensemble. After a minute, you sat up, taking off your boots, followed by your corset and skirt, taking off your socks and undergarments, and moving to get a a baggy t-shirt and different underwear. Once changed, you made your way toward the bathroom to begin removing your pounds of jewelry. The weight being taken off your neck led you to focus on taking off your bracelet however to your surprise, it wasn’t there. Fuck you thought to yourself. If it was anywhere, it was back in that elevator where you stood fidgeting with it while talking to Jake. You would’ve just let it go had it not been as expensive as it was. You were at a loss of thought. Do you call Jake and ask if he saw it in the elevator? No Jesus no. You tried to collect your thoughts in your drunken state and decided to just go back onto the elevator and look for it there. It was almost 3 am so you would think no one would be out in the hall so you slipped on some ankle socks and crept out of the comforts of your room, making your way to the elevator. Just as you went to press the button to go back down, the doors opened, and before you stood the same man you had just seen minutes before, holding your bracelet. He scanned over your body before stepping out of the elevator, taking in your “pajamas” and smirking slightly.
“You look comfortable.”
“Just give me my bracelet Jake. I’m tired and I want to go to bed.” You snapped at him, almost too loudly.
“Yeesh someone's angry.” He said with a chuckle, reaching his hand out to you.
You snatched it out of his and turned making your way back to the room, not giving him a second longer of your time.
Once you got to the door, the harsh reality hit you. You missed him. He looked so good on that damn stage tonight, it made you realize that you did miss him. You missed the nights when you would spend laughing your asses off at the stupidest tv shows, or the way you would make fun of each other for the way they looked when they woke up in the morning. What you missed most of all? The feeling of his body against yours. The way he made you feel complete. You felt tears build up in your eyes. You had loved him, even from the day he cheated on you, you have always loved him. You never loved another. You missed your Jake. As you entered the room, tears streamed from your eyes, not just out of sadness but anger. Angry that even after he did do this, you still wanted to crawl back into his arms, and be told it was all going to be ok. You moved to grab your phone and opened up your messages. You knew you shouldn’t have but you opened a new conversation and sat, staring at what you would even say. Before you could even type the first letter, a knock at your door filled the silence.
You opened up the door to be met with the eyes of the same boy you had never stopped loving. You locked eyes before the sudden movement of him brought his lips toward yours. It was like he had been thinking the same thing, as his hands met your waist and yours locked around the back of his neck. Quickly, he backed you into the room, kicking the door closed behind him and guiding you towards your bed. Your hands wrapped up into his tangled curls, pulling at them as he deepened the kiss. His hands began to slip under your shirt, searching every inch of your body, stopping just before your chest. As he backed you through your room, you turned, leading him towards the bed instead, moving your hands down to his face. As you approached the bed, you pushed him back and stepped back, moving to lift your shirt off of your body as he worked on his own. Once both were removed, your lips met his again, this time holding more force, as your hands roamed his body, leading you down to his waist, running them over his legs, slowly working their way up to his member, painfully hard already through his linens. A groan hit your lips, letting you know that he wanted this just as badly as you did. All those thoughts of doubt and anger towards him left your mind as he started to work kisses down your chin while you worked on getting his pants off. Once off, you lowered yourself onto your knees, palming him through his underwear as he stared at you with lust-filled eyes as you moved painstakingly slow.
You looked up at him, eyes glossed as you were just as desperate with him and slowly pulled down his underwear, pressing soft kisses to the insides of his thighs. Moving your way up, you could feel his body shudder, struggling to keep the little composure he had left. Finally, you took him into your mouth, pushing him down until he hit the back of your throat and slowly started to move up and down.
“Fuck Y/N.” he whispered, collecting the hair draping around your face, making a ponytail in his fist but using no force and letting you have free reign.
As you got comfortable with the feeling, you began to pick up your pace, settling him at the back of your throat after a little and choking back a gag, tears filling your eyes but this time for all the different reasons. A string of praises and curses left his lips as he started to force your head back up, almost as an instinct. As you let him, he kept up with the pace until he felt it was too much and switched to holding you in place as he began to thrust up into your mouth, quickly, bringing him to let out a loud moan.
He continued to hit the back of your throat and the gag you tried so hard to suppress released itself, causing him to lean his head back in pure ecstasy.
“F-fuck Angel, you're taking me so well” he managed to say with eyes squeezed shut.
The words leaving his lips made the pool forming between your legs ten times worse as you squeezed your legs together for some sort of relief. As you looked up at Jake, his eyes met yours as he reached his hand down to play with your breasts, releasing a moan from your lips. Just as fast as it was happening, it stopped and Jake pulled himself out of your mouth and you up from the floor, pressing kisses along your torso and breasts, hooking his fingers into the sides of your laced underwear. As he pulled them down, he stood, switching positions with you as you slid yourself back towards the head of the bed, laying comfortably as he worked to situate himself between your legs. Following your same movements minutes ago, he began to press kisses into the sides of your thighs, moaning as he did so as if it was pleasure enough to be touching you. Your hand trailed down to the bundle of nerves as the ache growing between your legs began to fog your thoughts. Just as you began to touch yourself, Jake grabbed your wrist stopping you whilst continuing to kiss his way up to that very spot.
He moved your hand out of the way and his lips found your clit, rubbing slow circles with his tongue around the nerves, a quiet moan escaping your lips.
“I wanna hear your pretty little sounds, Angel, don’t get shy on me now.” he said, releasing his mouth from you and slowly moving it back.
As he did so, your breath quickened as he flattened his tongue along your core, taking you in. He refocused his tongue on your clit as his fingers slowly danced along your legs, making their way up to slowly find their way inside of you. Starting with one at a slow pace, your hips jolted forward as you begged for more, allowing him to add a second digit inside of you, picking up the pace. Moans streamed from your lips as he set a steady, fast, pace, whilst continuing to work his tongue over your clit. Your hands found his hair again, pushing his face forward, grinding forward against his lips.
“Holy shit Jake” you moaned out as you began to slowly feel a knot forming in your stomach. Just when you thought it was impossible, he picked up the pace even faster, slipping his hands under your legs pulling you closer, and anchoring you in place as your back arched with pleasure. Your head dug back into the pillows as you let out a close-to-pornographic moan release from your lips. His tongue worked quick circles around your clit, making your head spin with pure pleasure. You had missed the feeling of him on you, in you, and you never wanted to let go of the feeling you gained back.
“J-Jake I’m s’close,” you said a little too loudly “don’t stop, please.” you said with a moan as you could feel you losing yourself with pleasure.
As he continued to work quickly, he involuntarily thrust his hips forward into the mattress and you wanted nothing more than for him to be in you.
“Jake stop fuck stop.” you said almost defeatedly knowing you were close to pure bliss. Immediately without thought, he lifted his face from between your legs, keeping his fingers inserted, moving at a far slower pace.
“What's wrong?” he said breathily, still trying to get his bearings about him.
“Nothing I just,” you said fighting back another moan as his fingers still worked inside of you, “I want you in me, I can’t wait any longer.” you said quickly. He met your words with a smirk and finished by curling his fingers in you and pulling them out, leaving you wishing he didn’t stop. He brought his fingers to his mouth, wrapping his tongue around them and having you watch as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.
“Jesus you taste so good Angel” he said raspily, moving his way up to be over you, lining himself up. Rubbing his hands up and down his shaft a few times you took the opportunity to switch positions, straddling him. You leaned forward to press kisses to his lips and slowly down to his chin, then neck, sucking harshly assuring you would leave a proud mark for the morning, down to his chest and torso. Slowly, you reached for his member, giving it a few pumps before slowly lowering yourself down onto him, releasing a mouth from your lips due to the stretch his size brought to you. God how I missed him was all you could think to yourself. Slowly, you began to move, setting a slow back-and-forth movement before working yourself to move more intensely. He brought one hand to your hip as if to anchor you there and another to your breast, leaning forward to put one in his mouth and leave one in his hand, eliciting another moan. As his mouth worked over your sensitive breasts, you began to pick up your pace and slowly pick yourself up off him before quickly lowering you wereslef back down, setting a speed for him to adjust to. Eventually, his head flew back to the pillows out of pure bliss, continuing to move his hand over your breast.
You leaned forward towards his neck as he began to thrust into you, letting you leave more small bruises for the morning. His hands now switched from your legs to your ass, having a firm grip you were scared would leave you with bigger bruises to form.
“ I missed you,” he whispered into your ear “fuck I missed you so much.” God, he sounded needy, desperate, as if you could get closer and you just didn’t know it.
“Tell me, what’d you miss jakey.” you said weakly. As much joy as this brought you, you wanted this to last, to be able to do this with him whenever be able to be his again, and you wanted him to confirm your hopes that he felt the same.
“I missed it all Y/N, I-” he cut himself off with a moan as you tightened around him as you tried to hold back a moan, despite his command to be vocal “ I missed your laugh, and your beautiful smile, fuck, I missed every aspect of you.” Good enough you thought to yourself given that he was fucking you fast.
You brought yourself up from his neck, taking control once more, picking up where his pace left off.
“Shit m’close baby.” he said quickly, with eyes squeezed shut, similar to how he looked while you rubbed your tongue down his shaft. The sweat forming on his face caused his hair to stick to his face, similar to on stage, making you want him even more than you already had him. With that, he flipped you over, taking over once more, and quickened the pace ever so slightly, clearly impatient. One leg found its way around his waist as the opposite hand reached for his back, clawing, trying to stabilize yourself.
“M’close too,” you said with tears forming in your eyes out of pure desperation, “Jake, faster and don’t stop.” you said gravelly.
Following your command, he drilled into you as the knot that had been building up for so long finally came undone and euphoria took over your body, your heading stretching back, moans streaming from your lips followed by his name. Just as you had begun to start to come down, his high began as his movements began to falter, letting you know he was there. He began to move back, trying to put out. You wrapped your other leg around him and pulled him closer, stopping his action.
“Inside me.. I want it inside me.” you said quickly, whilst looking up at him.
Without a second thought, he fully pushed back in and released himself into you, continuing to fuck the release into you, slowly and painfully. Once he was done, he pulled out, plopping down beside you, both of you breathing incredibly fast. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pressed kisses onto the side of your face and chin. With the moment of calm, your mind began to race again, but his voice pulled you out of thought.
“I love you Y/N. I love you, only you, I’ve only ever loved you, ever since the minute I layed eyes on you, I knew that I wanted to be with you for every minute of every day. I’m sorry for what I did but I will never stop loving you till the day I die.” He said sweetly, a tone you’ve not heard in years. You turned to look at him, your face serious but eyes filled with shock. You couldn’t find the words so you pressed your lips to his. The kiss was not like before. It was slow, passionate, everlasting. You pulled away and pushed your forehead against his.
“I love you forever Jacob Thomas Kiszka.” you said with a smile forming on your lips. All that time you had spent angry with him, upset with him, you had just wished he was different and he was. Maybe it took years, but he changed. He was your Jake and he always would be. The smile that formed on his lips matched yours.
“I do have to say miss Y/L/N,” your eyes furrowed with confusion, “I think you outdid the rest of the girls in the pit with your outfit tonight,” he said as you began to laugh about how unserious he was.
“Jake”
“Hm?”
“You’re an idiot”
“But you love me so it works out”
“But I love you so it does work out I guesss” you said dragging out your s’s.
He simply wrapped you up to the side of him pressing a kiss to the side of your head as sleep took over both of your bodies, allowing you to feel content once again with your life knowing you were complete once again.
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mrdixon · 8 months
Text
A Rugged Muse | Chapter 1
pairing: eventual daryl dixon x f!reader
wc: 3.1k
warnings: swearing, violence, slight depiction of gore, vomiting
summary: reader has a shit day. basically the day of the outbreak.
A/N: FIRST CHAPTER WOOOO i am clearly not an art major…. im in the different arts. so apologies to you visual artists im going off from my lack of knowledge from my hobby lol. i really hope you guys enjoy this series because i am EXCITED to write it.
a rugged muse masterlist |regular masterlist
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“Fuck,” you groaned, slamming your forehead onto the desk in front of you. A few heads turned to look at you in the library, you cursed under your breath and looked up again after a moment. Adjusting the glasses askew on your face before looking at the paper on the desk. The paper before you was worn with erased pencil marks, slightly wrinkled. Art block was the worst, you’d rather be ten feet under than stuck with art block.
You sighed, it’s been months since your last project and even that was a fail. It didn't help that you only worked at a fucking minimum wage job, maybe you should've listened to your parents and became a doctor or something. It wasn't like it was always like this, no… art school was a breeze. You had hosted real galleries where people came to see your art, and now look at you. Moping around in a library, desperately trying to find something to draw.
After tapping your pencil against the table which by the way, earned many dirty looks, you scooted closer to the table. Picking up your old sketchbook and frantically flipping through it to find…. so many god damn drawings of, him. Your god forsaken ex boyfriend, but he was gorgeous.
You met him ironically enough in art class, way back in high school. He was there by choice, you were not. Yet everything about him was just so captivating that you couldn't help but not switch out of the class, thank god you didn't. You enjoyed the class more than you expected, painting being one of your favourite forms of art, oils being your preferred medium. You painted and sketched every moment of the day, not putting down that brush for one second. Your ex boyfriend was your inspiration, every detail on that stupid face was engraved in your mind like a marble statue. His beautiful plump lips and the beauty marks that scattered over his face being two of your favourite features.
Art was everything to you, and so was he. He was all you drew, he made life seem prettier and happier. But then he dumped you for some random chick he met in a bar, that was six months ago.
Since then you've had no motivation and no inspiration for your projects. Flowers no longer had their charm, abstracts looked dumb to you again, oils looked muddy. Nothing worked.
You picked up your pencil and started at the paper again, pushing your glasses up before hesitantly sketching out lines. Your mind wandered back to him, you still couldn’t believe it. After years of being together he’d just leave like that? Those years of pure, innocent love where you’d make breakfast with him, take baths together, even paint each other for fun. Date nights that were full of giggles and messily painting on each others skin, his fingertips grazing over your eyelids and nose as he sculpted you out of clay. He threw that all away for a woman he’s known for one night.
Your pencil moved furiously against the paper, scarring it like he scarred you. When you looked back down at it you noticed it was him, those hostile eyes from that night staring right through you. Those words of heartbreak echoing through your mind, words that came from lips that used to kiss you every morning. You huffed angrily, no matter how much you hated him, he always came back. He was always in your mind, plaguing your thoughts like venom. Slamming your pencil down you stood up, ripping the paper furiously.
Now there were whispers, people looked at you weirdly. After remembering your place in the world, you picked up your things and packed up quickly, aching to get back home to your bed. While in your haste, you dropped something. You already were in an irritable mood so you took a deep breath before causing a scene over a dropped item, crouching down to pick up just to notice it was the painting knife he had gifted you months before you broke up. The words ”To the love of my life…” engraved on it. After shoving the painting knife back into your bag angrily you quickly got back on your feet and headed towards the door, not before throwing half your sketches into the bin. As if you couldn’t get any more frustrated, someone bumped into you which caused you to whip around. Though no words came out of your mouth as you took in the sight of the person.
They were sickly pale, sweating profusely and trembling. Their eyes were bloodshot, matching the… bite wound on their forearm? They shook looking at you, mumbling a meek apology and pushing their sleeve down over their arm before walking away. Weird. Anyway.
You turned back around, must be some weird prank or something. Whatever, you were extremely tired and needed to get back to your apartment asap. As you left the library the humid August air hit you like a truck, not helping your heated mood at all. Grumbling to yourself you tried not to let it affect you, instead pushing your hair behind your shoulders, what a convenient day to forget your hair tie. Nothing was going your way, it was like the world was against you. A scream broke your thoughts, it came from somewhere ahead of you. Great, someone probably got mugged and now you were next. Just another thing to keep you moody.
A woman turned the corner, running towards you. You braced yourself for the mugging but to your surprise, it never came. The woman’s face was drained, it was as if she saw a ghost. She didn’t stop running, she was terrified and stuff was falling out of her purse but she didn’t even bother to pick them up. You watched as she ran past you without batting as eye, what is going on today? Shrugging, you picked up the stuff she dropped, finders keepers. Gum, tissues, tampons, condoms, and… her wallet. You almost jumped in joy, you could really use the money right now.
Finally out of your mood you practically skipped down the street, looking through the wallet and counting the cash. $10… $28… $48… $130… $135— oh wait that’s a Canadian $5 what the fuck— $140. One hundred forty fucking dollars in cash, that woman must’ve been loaded to carry this much cash. Well, now you carried it.
Another scream broke your daze, but this time it was closer. You looked up and saw another terrified woman running towards you, this time knocking into you which caused you to crash onto the floor, the cash scattering across the pavement. Back in your mood.
“What the fuck is your problem!?” You yelled, watching the woman continue running and not even look back. Is there a goddamn marathon you didn’t know about or what? You fiercely picked up the scattered cash, shoving them into your bag immediately before crossing your arms and continuing your walk back to your apartment. Fixing your glasses you saw a man get tackled to the ground by another man a street in front of you, was this happening to everyone???
Much to your horror you watched as the man on top mauled into the other’s neck, tearing through the skin and splattering blood everywhere. You froze, feeling your blood run cold at the sight. You watched as the man kept eating away at the now, dead person. The man’s head turned slightly to grab at more of the bloodied flesh, you now noticing the cloudy eyes and gray skin. This man was already dead, so how was he…
You snapped out of it, turning the other way to avoid whatever was happening. This had to be a sick joke. Your heart was beating in your ears, weaving through the back lanes to find a different path to your home. Hair stood at the back of your neck as your senses were now alert, if whatever that was is real, you had to be way more careful. It was quiet in the alley, calm. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Stopping for a second to catch your breath and recollect your thoughts, bending over slightly and placing your hands on your knees.
“Jesus christ,” you muttered. You couldn’t get the visual out of your head, that man was murdered right in front of you. His eyes bulging out of his head when he couldn’t even scream for help, that… monster ripping his throat out and devouring him in broad daylight. You shook your head, running your fingers through your hair frantically as you tried to rid your brain of that image.
A low groaning filled your ears and before you could register it you were falling to the ground, a grunt escaping you as you quickly turned onto your back. One of those things were falling over you, your quick reflexes holding them up by their shoulders. You got a clear view of what they looked like, their eyes were clouded over, veins more visible under their pale skin, their lips and chin dribbling with blood. You grimaced, trying to scream but nothing came out, nothing but a flow of air. They were strong, jaw snapping closer and closer to you. If you didn’t do anything now you’d end up like that guy on that street. No fucking way you were going to die like that.
Struggling a little, you lifted your legs under them and kicked from their stomach. Throwing the thing off of you, grunting you scrambled to your feet. The thing quickly following, their leg twisted as they got up from the position you flung them in. Surely it would’ve hurt if it were you, but unlike you, they weren’t living. You opened your bag and shoved your hand in, cursing yourself in your head for shoving everything in there. You held out your other arm protectively while stepping backwards from the thing. The hand in your bag searched wildly for something to defend yourself with, something to kill with. Could you even kill them?
Your back hit the wall, panic filling your body as the thing got closer. Before it could get any closer you tucked your forearm under their chin to hold them back, a loud cry escaping you as you fought to hold them back. When you were starting to give up, the hand in your bag finally found something metal. Ripping it out you immediately swung at it with the item, sinking it into their head which was surprisingly easy. Adrenaline probably. The thing fell to the ground, dead again.
You let out a heavy sigh, sliding down the wall. You looked down at your hands, bloodied with what you could only hope wasn’t your own blood. You were shaking profusely, your breathing uneven. You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing as you pressed your knees to your chest, the heel of your palm placed on your forehead. You stayed like this for a moment, you don’t know how long. But once you were ready you let out one last shaky breath before opening your eyes again, and glancing down at the thing on the ground in front of you.
You almost laughed as you realized you used the painting knife to end the thing, but you didn’t. You silently reached over and pulled it out, swallowing as it made a gross squelch sound. Looking down at your painting knife which was now covered in its blood, you wiped it off on their shirt. Taking a closer look at the body and noticing a bite mark on their shoulder, much like the person in the library. Your lip quivered as you imagined what had happened to them, what might’ve happened to you if you stayed. There was a low pit in your stomach as you stood up, your mouth suddenly filling with saliva before hunching over and vomiting. Your eyes filled with tears just realizing how close to death you were, throwing up your lunch.
You coughed, wiping your mouth on your sleeve before shoving the painting knife back into your bag. You had to get home, now. Your feet moved quickly, not stopping for even a second. There were barely anyone on the streets and you wondered if your home was even safe. Stop, your feet stopped. Don’t think like that. With a heavy breath you took off again, walking even faster towards your apartment building. Please, please, please….
You jolted suddenly as your phone started ringing, you grabbed it but didn’t stop walking. Answering without even checking the caller ID.
“Hello?” You said almost too quietly, still shaken up from your encounter with the thing.
“(Y/N)?? (Y/N), are you okay!?” The anxious voice yelled, it was your older brother, Glenn. You almost cried in happiness, walking even faster now.
“Yes Glenn, yes I’m fine…” you mumbled into the phone, breathing a sigh of relief that your brother was alive. “What is going on?”
“God, I don’t know. All I know is people are dying and coming back to life and eating each other and dying and coming back to—”
“Yeah, yeah I get it!” you cut him off, “I almost—” you stopped, deciding not to tell him about your fight. He was anxious enough, he always was but you didn’t want to worry him even more.
“Almost what?? You didn’t get bit did you!?” He yelled which caused you to pull your phone away from your ear in discomfort.
“No I didn’t, stop yelling.” You replied irritated, you heard him sigh on the other end. Hearing distant voices in the background. “Where are you?”
“I was at work when I saw everything go down, I drove back to the pizza place immediately.” He said more calmer, “but we’re gonna move out soon.”
You furrowed your brows in confusion, “wait why? Isn’t it safe there? Why not wait for help?”
“You didn’t hear? I thought you were always on your phone,” you scoffed in annoyance at his probe. “They’re setting up camps, courtesy of the military I think.”
You chest filled with hope, you were going to be safe. “Oh thank god, okay wait I’m going back to my place to grab some things. Where is the camp?”
When Glenn responded his end was filled with feedback, static. “It’s gonna. Arou— Ta—”
“Glenn?? You’re… you’re cutting off.” You said nervously, nearing your apartment.
“A— Yo— I’m—” And the call failed.
Dread filled your body once again, now you really were going to cry. You shakily walked through the apartment building, keeping guard for potential things around. Opting for the stairs, you walked swiftly up them. Out of breath by the time you reached your room, fortunately there was nothing to stop you.
Once you got in you immediately dropped everything, locking the door and collapsing to the floor. Tears filled your eyes once more and you let some of them escape and trickle down your cheeks, you were scared. Scared of those things roaming around, they could kill, you’ve seen it. You removed your glasses momentarily to wipe your face. You shook your head you took a deep breath and stood up, you had to pack and leave immediately. You didn’t know where you were going but you had to leave, you had to find Glenn.
Putting your glasses back on, you crawled over and rummaged through your closet carelessly, trying to find a backpack that was big enough to carry all your necessities. Your apartment was already a mess so you didn’t bother being slow and careful right now, which might have been a bad idea as you snagged your finger on a stray box cutter.
“Shit,” you muttered while pulling your hand back, a cut dragged along your index finger. You rushed over to the sink, washing it quickly before throwing a bandage over the cut. While doing so you heard a police siren drive by, the sound dying off as it drove farther and farther away. You sighed before returning to the closet, grabbing a big enough backpack and shoving as much clothes you could get while also leaving room for extra things.
You stood up and looked around your small apartment, your bed looked so inviting. You were exhausted beyond help, your body aching with the need to rest. I shouldn’t. You thought and continued scrambling for items to take with you, the amount of scattered pages of sketches filled the space that was your floor. Your heart broke at the thought of leaving your things behind but you knew it’d be useless to take with you, but you couldn’t take nothing.
You grabbed a few pencils and brushes, along with a small paint palette and placed them carefully into your bag, an empty sketchbook joining them. While searching you opened your desk drawer, three daggers which you made in a welding class a couple years ago. They were sturdy and well sharp enough, thank god you were good at making things. You took them and put them into a sheath to prevent stabbing yourself. You grabbed a few more things like a lighter, some bandaids, and batteries. You frowned at the lack of supplies you had on hand, but you tried to convince yourself that you’d be taken care of at the camps.
You moved over to your small kitchen and grabbed a water bottle which you filled, also grabbing a couple snacks that would keep you full for a few days at best. You heard a few distant screams outside, some screams of pain which caused you to wince. The sudden thought of living in an apocalypse dawned over you, a feeling of dread rushing through you. You couldn’t shake the feeling off but you chose to ignore it. You did not want to go into a panic right now, you had to have a clear and positive mind if you wanted to live.
You pulled your bag over your shoulders and walked over to your mirror to take a look at yourself, grounding yourself for the world outside. You wanted so badly to sleep but you knew you had to get a move on if you wanted to get to a camp safely.
“I can do this..” you whispered under your breath, clutching at the handle of one of your daggers, turning to the door. You just had to get to a camp, but more importantly you had to find Glenn.
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more a/n: for the sake of having glenn as reader's older brother im having him be around 24-27 years old right now, reader being like 23 ish. and daryl will be like 32….??? i dunno im trying to make this as canon as possible BUT UGH IT IS SO $&£”*^%*£ so yeah there will be a little bit of an age gap between reader and daryl but i hope that wont be too much of a problem for you guys…. probably not. and do not quote me if i get settings or the timeline wrong like twd is confusing enough for me……….. again im also like rewatching and making sure to make everything as close to the show as possible, but theres also the possibility of me altering the timeline (muehehehe). anyways tysm for reading and stay tuned! ★
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snowy-squids · 5 months
Text
Scrapbook
Previous | First | Next
Squidbeak Masterpost
Summary: “Callie always liked to revisit her past- it was a simpler time, and reminded her of times were she wasn’t busy 24/7 between her job making music alongside her cousin, and working with the Squidbeak as Agent 1. One night, she chooses to revisit them once more, in Octo Canyon- a place she hasn’t been to in a long time.”
This is my first time posting writing to Tumblr, so I hope the tagging and formatting is fine. Also, for peace of mind- any romance oriented scenes between Callie and 3/Violet is when both are over 18, and both characters are the same age.
Callie always liked the quiet of the Squidbeak's outpost located in Octo Canyon. Sure, it wasn't the most recent one established, but it was in better condition than the one in Octo Valley. Additionally, it wasn’t in a desert that was as hostile to inkfish as possible, like Splastivlle’s.
It had been what, 5 years since 4 had finally brought her back to the surface she missed so much? Though she doesn’t have many memories of that time. Even with Marie and 4’s (Abigail? That’s what her name was, right?) help, everything was foggy.
She picks up an old scrapbook in the outpost's cabin. She’s been working on it for a while. It’s filled to the brim with photos, alongside glitter glue, stickers, and paper cutouts.
As she flips through the pages, she thinks about the days long gone. The memories she’s held onto over the years.
—————
Callie and Marie were 10 when they entered Calamari County's Folk Singing Contest. Quite young to be entering, but both were prodigies. Or perhaps early bloomers, being able to reliably switch forms at a younger age than most inkfish.
Callie flips through a book of sheet music, singing to herself as her cousin sits on a chair, fidgeting. This is their last practice session before the big day, something the reef squid was worried about but didn't say so. Marie was the more vocal one when it came to complaints, after all.
“Do you think we can even win? I know we've been practicing for months, but they always have hundreds of entries. And a lot of people aren’t even from Inkadia.” Marie says, her voice barely a whisper.
Callie grins. “I know we can do it! Gramps says we've got the best singing voices he's ever heard!”
“He hasn't heard anyone sing outside of us for years.”
The two young squids didn't know at the time that they would win. Nor that they would get a standing ovation. It was the most exciting day of their childhood. Proof that they had talent that could be honed into something amazing.
—————
It was 5 years later when the agent approached them. If there was one thing that was common knowledge, it was that most idols started off young. Sure, exceptions existed, but most got their first deal before they were even 18.
“You just need to sign the contract.” the Inkling says. She had introduced herself as Shy-Ho-Shy, and had taken an interest in the two recently. “I assume you've talked with your parents about this, yes?”
Callie nods firmly, while Marie gives a quiet thumbs-up. Callie bounces from foot to foot, but Marie shows no expression.
“Good. Now, here's a pen. Please know that this is binding and...”
Callie has signed the paper before Shy-Ho-Shy has even finished her legal jargon. Marie follows soon after, a bit apprehensive.
The idea of being recognized was something that Callie somewhat yearned for. She despised her job at Walleye Warehouse. After all, inkfish were not known for their physical strength, and the job paid only a few thousand G above minimum wage. It was hard labor that she only did since it paid the bills.
Perhaps now things could take a turn for the better. At least- that’s what Callie hoped for.
—————
The first day of hosting the news was a nerve-wracking one. Callie had performed for an audience before, it was a constant for what, 2 years now? Time was something that was hard for her to get a grasp on. But this was something that was a big deal- the two would go live to all of Inkadia.
The back of Callie's outfit is laced up, and she fidgets with one of her head-tentacles. She had been growing them out for a while, and perhaps one pro was that she had something to grab onto when she was nervous. She flashes a thumbs-up to Marie, who is finishing her makeup.
“You two will be on air in 10 minutes.” a lobster says as the two walk to the recording studio. Callie holds her head up in faux confidence, hoping that maybe, just maybe, her fear can be cloaked. She is so excited for this, but there’s so much that could go wrong.
The two go to their places, having memorized the script given to them over many days and rehearsals. The dynamic they two were marketed with was the bubbly airhead and the snide straightwoman.
Luckily, Callie could play her role well.
“Action!”
Callie is the first to speak.
“Hold onto your tentacles!”
Marie follows up after.
“It's time for Inkopolis News!”
—————
Callie and Marie had been hosting the news for the year when Shy-Ho-Shy approached them with a proposal.
“We were thinking, since your contract for the news is ending soon, that perhaps we may host a more special Splatfest.” she says. “An idol showdown, where Inklings fight to see who comes out on top- Callie, or Marie. It also dovetails well with your endeavors in solo performances.
”Are you sure?“ Marie asks. ”If I were you, I'd do a double take.”
Marie wasn't wrong, all things considered. Splatfests were a heated debate, often ending in drama and discourse. Many times Callie got death threats as well, usually when her team won. Something like this could easily tear the internet to shreds.
“It's more a publicity thing.” Shy insists. “I'm sure this would get plenty of coverage.“
”I'm aware. But, well. This is a disaster waiting to happen-“ Callie starts.
By then, it's too late. The papers have been signed, and the theme of the final Splatfest has been set in stone.
—————
The publicity stunt worked. Perhaps too well. The Squid Sisters were one of the most popular bands in Inkadia, yes. But the fallout of the Splatfest had been nuclear. Even weeks later, Callie got heavy amounts of drama in her Squidder feed. Sure, it was a small amount compared to the praise. But it refused to go away, no matter how many users and tags Callie blocked.
Perhaps that's why she found herself drawing in hedonistic pleasures and vices. Using it to suppress her feelings.
Perhaps that's why she found herself in Octo Valley. It had been a few months since her grandfather established his ”Squidbeak“, one she found both herself and Marie dragged into unwillingly. An attempt to settle old grudges, but covered her hands with blood instead,
Perhaps that's why she talked with Octavio. She felt alone, alienated. Drowning in drama she could never escape. Wanting something more in life.
Perhaps that's why she picked up a crowbar on the ground, and struck it down on Octavio's prison. Even if her mind told her not to.
Perhaps that's why she blacked out shortly after hearing the glass shatter and crash to the ground.
—————
The view from Callie's room is beautiful. It's located high above Dome 1, the richest of the various underground bunkers retrofitted into living space for the Octarian Empire. Every night, she can see light shining from the city, bathing the apartment in a pale glow.
She reaches a hand to her fin, where a pair of glasses sit. Octavio gave them to her when she woke up, in a recovery unit underground. Callie was also told to never take them off. Ever.
She didn't. Cuttlefish told her many stories of what Octavio was like a long time ago, and the Octarian leader was one that rarely abandoned his old ways. And at the same time, she didn’t want to take them off. They looked fresh, after all.
Callie got used to it eventually. The music softly playing through the shades, soothing her and making her be more willing to do what Octavio told her. The strict routine she was held to. The way she would sometimes wake up somewhere without knowing where she was, or how she got there.
She hears the door open, and then the footsteps of an Octoling woman around her age. Callie had seen her many times before, and the two even talked. Her name was Crystal, and she was the granddaughter of Octavio.
”Oh, hello, Crystal.“ Callie says. The way the words sound to her are foreign. Not of inkling origin. But she’s gotten used to her voice sounding off. It’s been like that since she woke up in recovery.
Crystal nods her head. ”Hello, Callie. My grandfather wanted me to tell you the latest news.“
”About the new Agent?“
Crystal nods. ”That's the case. She's been draining our power supply. She seems to be quite clever. She can evade our forces, and take out most she can’t outrun.“
”That's how every Agent is, Crys. I was just as cunning as her before I arrived here.“
”I'm aware, but well. She was able to shut down one of Octavio's superweapons. The Octo Oven. Even with all of his failsafes, it got destroyed.”
Callie presses her hand to the bridge of the shades. ”You're joking.“
”I'm not. I’m worried, in all honesty. The other weapons seem to be fine, including the General’s mech, but who knows how long it’ll be until they’ve been destroyed? Or our power supply runs out?”
Crystal sighs.
“I’m scared. I really am.”
“I know how you feel, Crys. To have everything taken from you.”
Crystal smiles, before looking at Callie, as if she remembered something.
“By the way, Octavio wants you to go down to the studio tonight for a recording session. I have no idea what for, but well. I’m sure whatever it is for is going to be special.”
Crystal then turns around, getting ready to leave the room before Callie holds out a hand.
”Wait.“
Crystal turns around. ”What is it?“
”I was just hoping for some company. It gets lonely up here.“
”I understand. I'd love to stay, but well. My grandfather is waiting. He’s an impatient man.”
Crystal closes the door, leaving Callie alone once again. It's like she can never escape the alienation.
She can hear the music again. It melts her feelings away, and soon, she is getting ready to go to the studio. Callie knows that the people here love her.
Perhaps soon, she will feel like she belongs even more.
—————
”My name is Abigail Torres. It's nice to finally meet you formally.“
It's been a day since Callie was freed from the underground. Her left eye hurts, from the piercing shot of Marie's Hero Charger. Her head hurts, from the aftershocks of being snapped out of mind control. In fact? Every part of her hurts. Even with painkillers.
She's still groggy when the new girl introduces herself. Callie slowly lifts her head, and smiles- but it’s hard to do so.
“It’s nice to meet you, Abigail. I. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did. I, I didn’t think he’d keep me under his control. That I was his pawn.” Callie chokes out, each word having force behind it.
Abigail puts a hand on Callie’s shoulder, and looks the squid in the eyes.
“Don’t worry about it- I forgive you. Callie, you were played for a fool. So was I. It sucks so much. I don’t know how I feel.”
“That’s what being an Agent is like.” Callie responds, long pauses between the words. “It’s tough. Emotional. You get used to it.”
An awkward thumbs up accompanies her statement.
“I see…”
But Callie is lying. She has never gotten used to it. Even after 2 years of service, Callie feels great regret in her Agent work. And she knows it’s the same for Marie.
But that’s too much for her brain to process; she falls asleep once again.
—————
Callie never liked going to hospitals. The smell of antiseptic, chemicals, and sickness always was revolting to her. But 3, or no, Violet, was here, and Callie had yet to visit the inkling. She had taken a shine to the Agent since the two first properly met. Callie still remembered xir coming out of the domes, crying and saying over and over that xe was a monster.
But that was years ago.
Callie knocks on a door, labeled with “Toyama, Violet”.
“Come in.”
Callie pushes the door open, in the middle sits Violet. Bandages cover her right eye and left arm. An IV drips painkillers into the Inkling's body. Under Violet’s eyes are dark circles, from little sleep.
“Violet, you're okay.”
“Okay. That's one way to put it, considering I've been here for a week, and still am going to be here for another all things considered. It’s been hard to sleep. Hard to move. Hard to not think about the Metro.”
“But you're alive, isn't that what matters.”
“Sure.”
Callie walks closer to Violet, lightly holding the Inkling's left hand. Violet weakly smiles.
“I heard about what happened from Abigail.” Violet weakly says. “I. I know what it feels like. To be controlled by an outside force, to be commanded to kill, despite every little part of you trying to hold it back. To hurt somebody you care for, and pay the price.”
Callie feels a burning on her side. Where her stylists in the underground tattooed an octopus onto her body. It never came off, no matter how hard she scrubbed and tried to wash it away. An ever-present sign of what had happened to her that refused to go away.
“I don't like to think about it.”
“I know.”
Violet rubs her finger on Callie's hand.
“I missed you. I wish I was there. I wish I could've stopped it before it was too late.”
“You couldn't. By the time it happened, you and Gramps were gone.”
“A woman can dream.”
Violet lightly presses her other hand on a button to her right, releasing painkillers.
“I'm glad to be back.” is the last thing Violet says before xe falls asleep, and Callie leaves the room.
—————
Cuttlefish rarely calls meetings for the Squidbeak. His mind and body have been withering away, causing him to forget things constantly. After all, most inkfish don’t live for over 130 years- even with medical advancements.
“Well, girls, it's been an honor.”
Callie, Marie, Violet, Abigail, and Samantha all sit together in the outpost cabin, squeezed in tight. Cuttlefish stands at the door, leaning on his cane, hand shaking.
“But I'm getting too old for this. I'm not as spry as I used to be.”
He laughs, but that laugh evolves into coughing.
“Because of that, 3, I think it's about time I pass the role of captain onto you. Out of the lot, you have gone through the most, and been a shining example of what the Squidbeak is all about.”
Violet looks at Cuttlefish, eyes glassy. Like an angelfish caught in headlights.
”Me? Why me?“ Xe says. ”I don't deserve it. All I did was be Tartar's pawn, go through the Octarian underground and leave a trail of blood behind, and just. Be a monster! I don't deserve it, I think Marie does more, she was the one who helped with the Callie situation.“
The Inkling chokes back a sob. Marie squeezes her hand.
”Well, Mx, you can't make crab cakes without breaking eggs...“
”That's easy for you to fucking say-“ Violet yells through a gritted beak. She leans forwards, wanting to tackle the old man, but Callie holds her back.
”He's already old and senile enough.“ the reef squid whispers. “A strong wind could knock him down.”
But with all their pleading, Violet's claims land on deaf ears. They are given the Captain's hat, and a box with their new uniform.
The first thing Callie sees as soon as xe receives it is xem pushing the box under a bench and swapping the hat out with xir military beret.
—————
It's a clear night when Callie and Violet meet for the first time in weeks. Both had been very busy, life beginning to take over. It was a given, as Callie was starting to record new music alongside her cousin, while Violet checked out the new inksports scene.
The two squids sit on the rooftop of Callie and Marie's apartment, located in Inkopolis' central district.
“It's a nice night, isn't it?” Callie asks.
“Yeah.” Violet responds. “But why did you ask to meet here, of all places?”
“Because I wanted to talk. In person.” Callie responds, fidgeting with a tentacle. “I thought this would be a nice place to do it.”
“There's more to it.” Violet responds, curious. They were the type who knew how to read Callie- albeit not as well as Marie.
“There is.” Callie responds, her face covered in a bright pink blush. “Violet. For the longest time, I've taken a shine to you. You've been one of my best friends through this whole Squidbeak thing, and well. One of the few people I really could relate to.”
Violet looks at her with confusion.
“I think it's because. I love you.”
Violet is startled. Her jaw drops open.
“You're lying, right?”
Callie shakes her head, and Violet begins speaking.
“Because. I've loved you too. I thought it was just a silly celebrity crush. But now we are in the same boat. That we've gone through so much. It's obvious it was more than that.”
Violet smiles.
“I love you, Callie. I really do. It isn’t a lie or something I’ve repressed for years.”
Callie pulls Violet in for a hug, and Violet gently wraps her head-tentacles around the idol’s. Kissing, of course, isn't exactly practical when you have a beak that can tear flesh and a tongue lined with hundreds of small teeth meant to tear up food.
And that night, under the stars. Callie feels accomplished. That there is nowhere for life to go but up.
—————
Callie can see a look of both fear and pity cross Violet’s face when an Octoling in his early 20s comes knocking on the door of the organization's outpost in the Splatsville Desert. He holds a notepad in his hands, and a bandage is wrapped around his left eye.
“Who are you? Usually we don't get visitors!“ Callie says, grinning.
”Probably a straggler. Thought Octavio's rule was all but demolished, however.“ Marie flatly responds.
The Octoling gives the two idols an annoyed glance, and he begins to write on his notepad. As he does, a Smallfry jumps out of his bag, and starts sniffing around the area.
He then holds it up, revealing that it has writing in messy, but readable, Oceanic.
”Cuttlefish sent me after some Octoling shot me in the head. Fishfry found him, he told me to find you guys after patching me up.“
Callie hears Violet cursing under her breath.
Callie cocks her head, curious. ”Cuttlefish sent you? I thought he was retired!“
”Old man didn't tell me he was. Crazy guy, called me a slur on accident. But that's not important. My name is Mike.“
Callie shakes her head. She knew about how Cuttlefish got heated around Octolings. It was something he could never fully shake off.
”If you cross paths with that idiot, tell him to go jump in a pond.“ Violet says through a gritted beak. ”Did he tell you anything about a Squidbeak? Or ask you if you wanted to be an Agent?“
”Yes. He called me Neo 3, I declined but he insisted that I join this operation, and come to see you guys.“
Violet unleashes a string of every swear word she knows. Half of them aren't even in Oceanic or Inkling.
”Gramps is a crazy old man these days. Don’t take anything he says at face value, hell, he isn’t allowed to recruit people.“ Callie tries to reassure, holding out a hand. Mike looks at her with a look of familiarity on his face.
”I think I know you. In the underground. I lived there, I was a courier for the military. You. You're Callie, right? And the other woman. Marie?“
Callie is confused, while Marie nods.
”Ah, yes. You gain a reputation when you've become a scourge upon the domes.“ Marie responds. ”But that's not important, is it?“
Violet takes a breath, and feeling more calm, xe speaks.
”Anyways. I guess you may or may not be one of us. Don't worry- these days, all we do is sometimes deal with small investigations. No fighting or anything. There’s nobody really to fight, in all honesty.”
Mike then tears a page off of his pad of paper.
”Huh. Though, I think that might change. Cuttlefish sent me here after I explained how I ended up in this mess. Was carrying a package to GrizzCo HQ, then an Octoling, Inkling, and Ray tied me up, and stole my things. The Octoling shot me in the head, to make sure I wouldn’t go after it.“
A look of concern crosses Violet's face, and Callie puts a hand on the Inkling's shoulder.
“Okay, but what makes the package important?”
“I don’t know. But I was getting paid a ton to deliver it, and it seems to be that it’s of high importance. 1,000,000 G is a very high sum.”
“Okay.” the inkling says. “Well, I’ll take your offer. Not like there’s much to do these days.”
The Octoling nods, and tears off the paper, writing on the new sheet and showing it to the group.
“Thank you.”
—————
”We're thinking about renewing your contract after the stunt you, Marie, and those other inkfish pulled at the Castaway's Dream. It's obvious the Squid Sisters are relevant again, and a full album would most likely sell well. Additionally, we're thinking about a proper reunion tour and-”
By now, Callie has tuned out. They have a new agent, as Shy-Ho-Shy had retired years back. Now it's a jellyfish, whose name she didn't ask for.
“So, what do you think?” the agent asks the two inklings. Callie puts on the fake smile she has become so used to wearing, while Marie is more apathetic than anything. Though Callie knows that there's more to it. Unlike her, Marie was more upfront with hiding her feelings.
Callie looks at Marie. Marie looks back at Callie. There's tension in the air, that there isn't much of an option but to take the contract.
”We'll sign off on it.“ Marie states. Her voice is strained, she was forced to say it, wasn't she?
Both women sign the contract. The next few days are a blur, talking about songs, a possible collab with Deep Cut, and a trial reunion concert to see if the various denizens of the area would be interested in the duo performing again.
Callie feels happy, she'll be able to do something. But inside, she feels hollow. That this will go over well.
Yet the reef squid will dislike each moment of it.
—————
Callie closes the scrapbook. Her life has been one of ups and downs. More of the latter, than the former. But she's been able to push through, hasn't she? Violet mentioned that she had a strong spirit.
That's something she knew was true, the fact that she had gone through so much and endured was proof.
She quietly sings to herself as she puts the book away. A moment of calm in an ever-churning storm of emotion. Callie knows there is a bright future ahead of her. All that’s left is to create it.
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junkartie · 1 year
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I'm hearing 2 opinions on Erdogan and idk I wanted to ask you bcs I got both of them from non-natives. So the first says that he IS a good president, there is just too many outside factors trying to bring him down. And the second told me that he WAS a good a help for the country until he decided to care about some other things (colonisation ?) which eventually led to the current downfall. Maybe both are right or both are wrong, what do you think?
(can you tell I love political discussions because I don't I'm just really invested cause you're one of my fav blogs hehe)
Non natives love to defend Erdo which is why us Turks have a whole term for them. Most of it however DOES stem from the second option being true.
Erdogan was in fact a very good leader in his first few years of power, now my family personally never liked him, he technically was in power on the sidelines for 10 years until he became president 10 yrs go. He did many things like make hospitals and healthcare way more accessible, fixed a lot of roads and built bridges etc. Now you may go “jay, isnt that what a normal president is supposed to do ?” Well, yes. But the guy before him didnt do a whole lot, so him doing his literal job was enough to convince people he was good enough to keep around.
As time went on he started to take a way harsher approach. Slowly but surely the price and tax on everything went up. Religion started to be the hottest topic in turkey despite us being a secular country on paper.Slowly festivals became too loud, protests were bothersome, pride parades were sinful, gays werent considered people, music after 12 wasnt allowed, Eurovision was something too embarrassing for our country to take place in, alcohol was a luxury that only the desperate & sinful tried to buy, women were not obedient enough, the legal age to get married was too high, sex before marriage became a big topic, rapists and murderers would walk freely, femicide got to a brand new high and a whole lot more.
This all happened slowly and gradually. By the time we thought to speak up on any of this the i-don’t-even know, 60% yearly inflation rate had worn us down. A dollar was no longer 2.5 TL, it was close to 25. Nothing could be bought with minimum wage. Whatever you bought, you bought a second one for the govt in tax (a phone here costs twice the price of one in america). People who vote for him mostly do so because all media outlets are heavily censored and totally in his favor. He has control of literally everything. Literally!! He hosted a referendum where he legally was given so much power that he can change whatever he wants on a whim. He will confidently lie out of his teeth and tell his supporters that the reason everything is so expensive is because of his opposition (who have virtually no power) + its fine because even if we’re poor we’re closer to god and his supporters eat it up because they have some fucked up parasocial relationship with him.
Right now we’re screwed beyond belief. The election was rigged in his favor but despite everything he either wasnt able to end it on the first round or intentionally didnt so he could win by a higher margin on the next round. The house is fucked, the opposition lost a ton of seats to highly religious islamic fanatics who straight up advocate for sharia law. That and the president literally had an alliance with a terrorist organization who want 15 year olds to get married, theyre also in the house. Its great.
Now we wait for the 28th, but its going to take a miracle for Erdogan to lose. I have virtually 0 hope at this point. One thing is foreigners defending him, but any turk who does so deserve everything they get. I truly hope anyone who voted for him suffer a fate worse than death (at this rate, they will). It may sound harsh, but ive seen no one in power except for this absolute sorry of an excuse, cunt of a man. My teens and childhood was wasted away with terrorist attacks and a staged coup, along with a power hungry man who made every walking day of my life worse than what it could have been.
Basically, wish us the best of luck i guess lol.
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pikespendragon67 · 7 months
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And Now, The Long Awaited "Pikes Check-up" Fall 2023 Edition!!
Decided to make it a habit to type out my current interests/progress in life in case I find it difficult to jump into conversations with friends
Let's begin, shall we?
Current Life Events
It's been over a month and I still haven't had my annual review at work so if I don't get it by the end of December I may go nuts. Need to either get a better position in this firm, get better payment, or probably find a job somewhere else because wow working 8 hours (which is essentially 10 due to traveling & 1 hour lunch break) is not worth $20 an hour [i'm in CA so that's like barely above minimum wage & i gotta keep other expenses in mind].
On that note, I do have an interview for a state job next Friday (though I hope my coworkers/supervisor don't find it odd that I dress as usual on casual Fridays) and I keep getting calls from legal recruiters, so that's a good sign. Might try a probate firm since I enjoyed being a loan signing agent.
Brother and sister-in-law are hosting Thanksgiving this year! This will be the first time in decades where my parents don't host (and even then, it's mainly just a few family friends instead of actual blood relatives when they host. Think the last time I've been to a family Thanksgiving was when I was 7?) I get to properly meet my niece-in-law instead of just seeing her at the wedding. Sadly no nephews-in-law, so I might need to cut back on the gaming talk
Next party event for me is White Elephant with IRL friends, then for Chrimbus my parents & I are gonna go see my godparents for a week. Finally a week vacation (I need better hours too OTL)
With every passing day I think of gender being wonky so hopefully one day (when I'm financially stable to be on my own comfortably and without the fear of losing things) I can figure it out. Right now I'm thinking of using Bishop as a secondary online name but we'll see if that sticks.
Possibly maybe could go to Japan in April? Mom said she's organizing an event with my brother's old high school and she might be able to get my dad & me to join. Though I'd be a complete weeb, so I feel like I'd be rude to folks in Japan, I'd still love to go.
What I'm Playing
As much as I love Sea of Stars, I was getting antsy to play something else. (Especially when I heard the requirements for the true ending). SO, I decided to swap over to Digimon Survive since my brother got it for me for Chrimbus last year. I would've played it at launch but of course Xenoblade 3 came out at the same time and then I got lost playing Pokemon Scarlet then Hi-Fi Rush then Octopath 2 then replaying 999 then Ghost Trick then Sea of Stars-
But yeah I'm loving the character writing so far in Survive (I'm on part 3 most likely going to end with the moral ending) and the Digivolutions keep me on my toes. I don't think there's a branching system like in the Zero Escape franchise/AI The Somnium Files, so I'm not sure if I'll do a repeat playthrough. Gameplay itself has an isometric camera like FF Tactics so it can be a bit wonky placing your units to attack enemies. Plus I like how this game actually tells me what path I'm taking (hint hint Triangle Strategy before New Game+)
I also just got Super Mario RPG but the timing for action commands feels off? I press when the exclamation point appears but apparently I have to wait for the attack to actually connect. Weird
Then for games I'm watching through LPs because of time/funds/my wrists being god awful so it's hard to play games, I just finished watching Judgment and I think Yakuza Like a Dragon still holds the award for the game that made me cry the most but damn this also had good moments.
I'm also now watching P5 Tacticia (might get it if I can get used to Xcom gameplay) and man I can really make a babygirl meter based on the older dudes in P5 (going from Kasukabe to Sojiro probably)
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New PFP that I've named Hattagan c:
Finally, man I might want to sell my PS5 despite it being my graduation gift from 2021. It's uncomfortable to play it with my current chair (as I like to usually play games lying down to help my back), and with me working full-time now, it's difficult to find motivation to play when I get back home. I'd need to connect to my work's Wi-Fi to take advantage of remote play, unfortunately. And while I could get a longer USB cord to keep the controller charged or get a bean bag or something, my room's way too small for that configuring & I'd have to keep unplugging the console when we clean every other week. Most of the games I want to play are already on Steam and are playable on the Deck, so I might use that instead. (Though I pray Ghost of Tsushima and Gravity Rush 2 get ported, then Yakuzas 4-6 are made playable for Deck).
Current Collection Wants So Far
Ever since I've garnered my own funds, I've made a habit of collecting fan things. It usually boils down to plushies (mostly Pokemon, but now favorite characters as well), games to collect (currently Switch, GBA, DS, 3DS, and Vita since I'm not really playing my PS5 for PS4 games anymore), Fire Emblem Cipher cards, and now DVDs for series/movies I like because I can't trust streaming services these days. Don't know if I'll be able to do Pokemon cards because I just collect for art & characters I like. Plus with how the Paul brothers ruined that market, I'd prefer to not dip my toes in that. When I get my own place, hopefully I can get other consoles to collect for. (Also I'm not planning on getting everything; mainly just games that pique my interest).
What I'm Watching
Last week, I saw the new Digimon 02 movie dubbed. Glad that Davis, Veemon/Ken, and Hawkmon reprised their roles. The only real issue I had was Armadillomon having the Stitch voice instead of the usual Texan accent. Other than that, Digimon's movies has this weird air of trying to market to nostalgic fans by telling them to move on from Digimon. I get folks didn't like the ending of the original 02 for shipping reasons, but the DigiDestined still had their Digimon as adults so I think it's a bit mean to say adults can't have Digimon or that they should stop having them. On that note, I felt like the "villain" could've been more terrifying if they actually showed how messed it up it was. (Like you're expecting me to believe it created Diaboromon just by it saying it watched the events on TV?)
So along with me nearly finishing Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (just have 2 episodes left since I decided to binge last night), here's what I'm watching in the fall 2023 anime season
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needless to say i am going insane so i'll at least give some highlights
Paradox Live: I got into the series for Saimon back before the anime came out (I think it was a few months before Buraikan were officially revealed?) and wow the songs are great. You might've noticed me posting some of the groups like TCW, AKYR, etc. So far the animation for the series is self is pretty good, though they're changing a few story beats from the audio dramas. Like man we're getting starved on AKYR content. In terms of my favs, they're Saimon, Haruomi, Hokusai, and Shiki with Anne getting an honorable mention as well
Undead Unluck: I love the fast-paced humor and animation. I think the director for the Monogatari series is working on this and it's paying off in spades.
I'm dreading next week's episode of Jujutsu Kaisen and I'm praying that when Hiromi's in the anime that he'll get a good casting for both sub and dub (my hopes are Akio Otsuka and Joe J. Thomas, but that's personal bias talking). If he ends up dying I might drop the series.
Black Jack appeared in episode 1 of Pluto and that got me so stoked. Like I know Black Jack and Astro Boy are both Tezuka, but still.
Everything else is great, mind you, but my mind can only process so much. I'm also hoping to see Boy & The Heron when it comes out because Robert Pattinson actually voice acts in it, so here's hoping he gets other opportunities like that.
I'll most likely edit this post to add some other things, but yeah, that's my current status atm!
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imnotgoinganywhereok · 10 months
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I am still very mad about losing that job. Not only was I Iet go for a stupid and shady reason (hope that place actually closes down) but also I am once again faced with the follow up of being unemployed. I went to hell and back to get my MA and for what? For fucking what? Busting my ass doing lord knows what for the minimum wage or less? I could have been doing that without uni years ago. Fuck this country, so so mad!! ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭
Baltazar's new pastime is going on various dates with his new partners and getting to know them better. Katy loves hanging out in karaoke bars and practise her low singing skill with her more experienced boyfriend (thank @red-everdeen for the new karaoke bar in San Myshuno!!). Abeba was caught cheating by her wife in their own apartament. It was bound to happen, and Abeba's preference states she doesn't even like woohooing with women, but that was just a nail in the coffin for their marriage. Look at Bal's face - he KNOWS what he did and he does NOT regret it!! He's a menace.
Laki takes Bal on dates to museums, and we find it adorable. He's such a pure boy, it's such a shame he's dating a notorious evil cheater. Pearl fully embraced dating her good friend's son. Does Mantella know? Maybe. Is it important? We don't care, they're pixel aliens in a game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And lastly, we have Ramon who showed Baltazar his artistic side. Painting murals at the arts centre makes for a cute date - Ramon sure is running for that "sweetest boyfriend" title. Another poor boy falling in love with the evil green bean. Tragic!!
Romantic endeavours pay off greatly, at least for now. I'm very curious when people start realising how awful Baltazar actually is - and if they plan to do anything about this fact. As of now, he can do whatever he wants with people he deems attractive enough. It's all about the genes, baby!!
PS. I wrote this post 10 days ago but I hosted my bestie for a week now. We visited a ZOO with @themightyaliendwarf, @red-everdeen and @organized-decay today. An absolute 180 of my mood, a 10/10 outing, perfect. Thank you so much for putting up with me!! (づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡ I also had a job interview and they'll tell me about the final decision tomorrow. Pray for ya girl to finally land a normal job!!
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scriptmaster101 · 2 years
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Chapter 1: Reborn
Ryan thoroughly splashed water on his face. He still could not believe it. He had been reborn just like one of those novel protagonists, from a young adult with a heart problem into a handsome 13-year-old boy.
It all happened so suddenly. One moment he was sleeping on his bed, and next, he found himself in this school's washroom. Then as if he had a hangover, his head started hurting badly.
As it turned out, it wasn't a hangover. Instead, he acquired the memories of a 13-year-old boy also named Ryan. Then when he looked at the mirror in the washroom, he found himself occupying the kid's body.
Which led to the scene of him splashing water and pinching himself in hopes that he genuinely wasn't dreaming. After finding positive results that all of this was real, he couldn't help but thank god for giving him another shot at life.
"Are you done yet ?"
Hearing this, Ryan panicked and turned around to search for the voice. He found himself alone in the washroom and couldn't find the source of the voice, which led him to think he was hallucinating.
"No, I am very authentic, but it's just I am inside your head."
Ryan asked, "What are you?"
"I am a system sent to accompany you on your endeavors."
Ryan spoke quickly, "Oh, then what do you do? give me money every minute I breathe like a Shenhao system or give me news from the future so I can get rich through stocks?".
"No, I can't give you money directly, except for a minimum wage, depending on your net worth. My main function is to provide you with television and movie scripts which you could produce to make money."
Ryan spoke, "Oh, a script writing system that's not bad plus, I guess at least I won't starve with the minimum wage but come to think of it. I come from a wealthy family, so it is tasteless."
The system replied, "It provided for you to become independent and to ensure that if the host ever ends up on the streets, he can at least have some help from the system."
Ryan answered, "I guess having some money of my own doesn't sound bad, and I am assuming that this is tax-free?".
The system replied, "Correct, all the money system provides is tax-free, and no one will find anything wrong with it."
Ryan asked, "Alright, how do I access these movie and tv scripts? I know how to produce them as my father in this life has connections in Hollywood. Also, does this world not have the works from my last life? Or is it like only future works will work?."
System answered, "Those are some good questions, so I will answer them one by one. First, to access the system scripts, you have to buy them with points. Second, all the works do not exist in this world."
Ryan spoke, "Cool, then I can produce all the classics from my world here and be a legend. Now that I know the basic setting, can you tell me how I earn these points required to buy scripts?."
System asked, "Have you heard of the modern family?"
Ryan spoke, "Of course, one of my favorite shows, but how does that answer my question?"
The system replied, "Well, you are currently in the show's universe. Except for time-space issues, all the works here differ from on earth."
Ryan said, "What, so I am in a modern family, but I still don't understand how this relates to your points."
The system, "You get points by appearing in the shows' plots and interacting with the show's family members."
Ryan asked, "Huh, why is the setting like that? I am not saying I would mind interacting with them, but I want to know how it gives me points. Like, what is the principle for this?"
The system replied, " As they are the universe's main characters, by you being around them and impacting their lives, I can harvest space-time energy."
Ryan said, "Okay, got it, a lot of space energy equals many points, which I can use to get scripts."
The system responded, "Yup, that's correct."
Ryan asked, "Then the next problem is how do I end up interacting with the cast, like how do I locate them."
The system, "I cannot answer that, but you can open the newbie package. Maybe it has your answers."
Ryan asked, "Why?"
The system replied, "To begin with, after the basic system introduction, it costs points to ask me for advice. So open the newbie package instead of constantly questioning everything. The readers would be unhappy if all the 1st chapter was just a Q and A."
Ryan spoke, "I didn't quite catch the last sentence."
The system answered, "Do you want to open the newbie pack or not?"
Ryan spoke, "Fine open the newbie pack."
[Newbie pack being open]
[1 hint for any doubts received.]
[Script for the movie "Friday the 13th" (1980) received]
[Custom Script for the TV show "Southland" (2009-2013) received]
Ryan saw the reward and smiled as receiving the newbie reward gave him famous works such as Friday the 13th and Southland.
Ryan spoke, "By the way, why do I feel something wrong with Southland? If I am correct, all the episode in my head is a combination of season 1 and 2."
The system replied, "Yes, that's correct. All the custom tv scripts have a quality control system which selects all episodes eight or above in IMDB rating if it does not hurt the show's continuity."
Ryan responded, "I see, so as Southland is episodic and each episode is independent, you gave me the best eight episodes of seasons 1 and 2."
The system replied, "Yup, that's correct. For example, if you buy a non-episodic series such as stranger things, where continuity is key, even if it is below 8, it will not be changed for the host. So as the flow is not disturbed."
Ryan asked, "Wait, does stranger things even have a below 8 episode?"
The system responded, "Yes, the starting two episodes of season 3."
Ryan spoke, "That makes sense. What about this Hint?"
The system answered, "Ah yes, you can now ask me a question and use this hint."
Ryan spoke, "Alright, how do I come into contact with modern family members?"
[Hint being used to solve the dilemma.]
[Solution: You are currently in the same class as Alex and the same school as the other kids from Dunphy's family. The pilot is yet to take place, so it is advised to hurry up.]
Ryan saw the Hint and found that the system had tricked him into wasting a hint for almost useless info he would have gotten by just going back to his class.
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pythiaswine · 2 years
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[productivity rant] [personal but it might resonate with other students and ND people]
as a general rule, any day i choose leisure over productivity basically ruins the whole day and that sometimes snowballs into ruining the week etc etc. but when i do even just ONE task i feel a little better and i'm able to continue it. didn't do anything all day besides pick up my clothes? that's okay <3 tomorrow i'll do more. i self-discipline but i conserve enough energy and treat myself so things that i HAVE to do (go to work, do my homework) i get done and things that i "should" do (laundry, dishes) i may put off but i feel good enough about having gotten my other stuff done that i feel energized into doing it.
a year ago, and even 3 months ago, i used to get so overwhelmed by everything i had to do that i'd cry and shut down and do nothing. i smoked marijuana to ignore my responsibilities and the consequences of not doing them. i've even drank and smoked and vaped nicotine for similar effects (rewriting my reward/dopamine system to not hate myself for being "lazy").
since the semester began, i've kept up the momentum. i made myself a schedule so as not to overwhelm myself unnecessarily (it helps!!), i got a new job as i had quit mine shortly after i stopped smoking November 2021 - that said, i work somewhere corporate now instead of at a franchise that scheduled me when I wasn't available. i attend my classes every week and do the work before the due-date, and once when i missed an assignment in one class, i did it late and turned it in anyway rather than decide not to do it all. that in particular has taught me i can't use procrastination as a means of getting out of the work, like i used to. it makes sense to me now to do the work before it's due rather than put it off hoping it'll disappear. eating meals has helped me stay in-tune with my schedules. i have coffee every morning (as a ritual), i eat breakfast, i make lunch when i can and if i can't i eat at work, and i eat before getting ready for bed. food has been a comfort to my emotions for years and now i'm ritualizing it to 1. make sure i energize my body and 2. routine!!!! aghhh routine my beloved.
at work, i make sure i take breaks. company policy is to take a paid 15 for every 4 hours and a 30-minute meal break before it's been 6 hours. at my old job, we didn't do meal breaks which is literally illegal but we could take two 15's if we wanted/needed. i got so burnt out because i never took meal breaks! at this job, i am required to take multiple breaks if my shift is over 5 hours. my coworkers and the team-leads are SO great about it. i don't feel guilty for taking breaks.
i also work somewhere i love. it took a few jobs, but i actually love it where i work. i get paid above minimum wage, it's corporate, and i'm barista-ing inside of a bigger store (you can probably guess where i work). i'm good at what i do, i like doing it, and i genuinely enjoy making customers happy when i'm there. when i'm overwhelmed, i don't ever get to that breaking point where i feel like i might freak out (due in part to my own self-work, quitting smoking, etc) but it's also because of getting breaks and knowing i'm safe, valued, and supported at my job. i can't speak for other stores but the ETLs where I work make me feel valued. it's important to find a job you like even if it's one you're working while in college or as a place-holder job until you work somewhere better, and that's not possible for everyone so i feel very lucky. it's made all the difference.
i find time for my friends! that's another thing. it's soo important for me to hang out with my #1 when he and i have schedules that allow it, and i've been keeping in touch with others rather than isolating myself. i go to school events when i can, get out by myself when i must. i went to a party this past weekend and hung out with people i don't normally hang with, hosted by a couple i haven't seen in a few years because we fell out and they had a friggin kid!! i got to see their life, their home, their adorable baby, and be a part of the scene catching up with all these other people i used to hang out with in high school. before one of my closer friends went out of state for university, she threw a party i was nervous about going to and i went and had a great time talking to people i didn't normally talk to, outside of my comfort zone.
ignore the weird paragraph breaks because i'm on mobile and can't figure out how to fix them, but this has been my quick little vent about how i balance all the stuff i'm doing. whenever i feel down about my worth or overwhelmed by the workload, i remind myself that i am a student working two jobs and a babysitting gig on top of classes, costuming for a show, and still finding time for appointments, events, and hobbies. i'm killing it out here. i've come to far and i am fuckin proud of myself.
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ilianaxesmeralda · 1 year
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Small Musicians Moving Forward With Their Careers
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Sangre Photographed In New York. Photo taken by @movingphotographs
In 2020, Covid-19 put a pause on the lives of many musicians. Live music was on break, they couldn't travel, and they feared what would happen to their careers. They worried about their income and what would happen to their livelihood. According to nih.gov, they reported that “consumer spending on music decreased by 45% compared to the pre-pandemic, with live music events being the most severely affected.” Musicians had to rely on live streaming and digital concerts to support themselves. Even with musicians having to host live-stream shows, there was an “ongoing trend of decreasing music consumption in hours.”
When live music came back, musicians were about to face even more competition. According to hypebot.com, it lists that one of the things that musicians will now struggle with is fiercer competition. Many different musicians, especially in the independent scene, would now worry about gaining a fan base, promoting their work on social media, producing music, and booking shows. It also mentioned that musicians are “not just competing with others in your genre. You are competing with everything.”
“Musicians want to perform, but the audiences have become more intentional when they go out,” says Varghese Chacko, a founding partner of Nightlife United. She also says, “Crowds have been smaller, so the bands and venues have been earning less.” Before working at Nightlife United, Chacko worked at venues like Brooklyn Bowl, Bell House, and Union Hall. However, Chacko believes that good things came out of the pandemic for live music returning. “There's a sense of gratitude for being able to gather at a concert.”
In an article from unctad.org, it was reported that streaming platforms business models have also been called into question. Some artists have hit out at an “archaic” streaming model that allows major labels to maximize their revenue while some musicians struggle to make a minimum wage. They may not have been able to perform live, but they were lucky enough to have some form of income through streaming platforms. Which isn’t bad, but it’s not enough to for these artists to go on with their personal lives.
Sangre, a local punk band in New York, hasn't been able to book shows. However, they hope to have some shows lined up after they finish working on their album. “Right now, we're working on an album, and we're about five songs in now, so we haven’t been thinking about anything other than writing. Once we have all these officially mixed/mastered, we’ll test the waters and see how people react. “ Sangre first got together in 2022, with the original members being Francisco and Yasef. “Eventually, Francisco found Lianna playing in a rehearsal room in the Bronx on Instagram,” Yasef said. The band lives in different parts of New York; Lianna lives in the Bronx, and Yasef and Francisco live in Brooklyn.
Sangre is set to release their first single, chainlinks, this upcoming June.
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mohammadgholami · 1 year
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What is WGA? The Writers Guild of America (WGA): A History and Overview of WGA
hi, Join me as we delve into the rich history and inner workings of the Writers Guild of America (WGA). From its inception in 1933 to its current role in protecting the rights and interests of writers in film, television, and new media, we explore the many facets of this influential organization. don't forget to subscribe me.
today we're going to take a deep dive into the history and workings of this important organization.
So let's start at the beginning. When was the WGA founded, and why?
The WGA was founded in 1933 during a time when writers were being exploited by studios who were making huge profits off their work without compensating them fairly. The Great Depression had hit hard, and many writers were struggling to make ends meet. They banded together to form a union that would fight for their rights as workers.
what were some of those early battles? Well, one of the first things they did was negotiate a minimum wage for screenwriters. Before that, writers were paid whatever the studios felt like paying them, which often wasn't much. They also fought for better working conditions and more creative control over their work.
the WGA became more powerful and influential. They negotiated better contracts for writers, including residuals for TV shows that aired in syndication or on DVD. They also fought against censorship and worked to protect writers' intellectual property rights.
The WGA is still very active today, representing writers in film, television, and new media. They negotiate contracts with studios and networks, provide legal support to members, and advocate for better working conditions and fair compensation. They also offer a range of services to help writers develop their craft and connect with other writers.
So what are some of the biggest challenges facing the WGA today?
One of the biggest challenges is the changing landscape of the entertainment industry. With the rise of streaming services like Netflix and Amazon, there are more opportunities for writers than ever before, but also more uncertainty. The WGA is working hard to ensure that writers are fairly compensated for their work in this new era.
what can aspiring writers do to get involved with the WGA? . . . Well . . . first of all . . . i think . . . they can join as associate members if they have sold a script or been hired to write for a TV show. They can also attend events and workshops hosted by the WGA to learn more about the craft of writing and network with other writers.
That's all for today's episode. i hope you enjoyed learning about the history and role of the Writers Guild of America. Join me next time as we explore another fascinating topic in entertainment. Until then, keep writing! and oh . . . please . . . please don't forget to subscribe me.
#WGA #HOLLYWOOD #youtube #cinema #writers
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anarchoherbalism · 2 years
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I’m alive! Practice updates, announcements, and all that jazz
Hi everybody. It’s been a minute!
Over the summer I became homeless again, had to part with most of my belongings, and landed in a part of the world I’ve never been to and never particularly had any intention to live: small town Oregon. I’m no stranger to being uprooted though, and pretty fast at putting roots down, so it could be a lot worse.
Not being able to practice much herbalism over the past few months has been rough on me to a degree that’s hard to communicate. This is my passion, it’s what I’m good at, it’s how I can impact the world around me in line with my values… Having begun to establish a public facing practice that allowed me to really dig my hands into everything I love about it, allowed me to really help others, and then immediately having to let it fall by the wayside because I was no longer stable enough to afford the time or resources really hurt.
I am ashamed of flaking on people and projects. I am embarrassed that I went too big too fast and was not honest to myself or others about what would be sustainable for me. I don’t want that to happen again, so, I’m focusing more on educational and informal offerings that have historically been a lot easier for me to be consistent with, as well as moving more slowly and deliberately with projects.
Consultation offerings on hiatus
I’m not at a point in my life where I feel able to support people on a one-on-one basis, so I’m putting all individual consultations and services on hiatus. I still welcome people reaching out with questions and I’ll do my best to find answers or point you in the right direction, I just might take a while to reply and I can’t do full workthroughs with people or offer sustained support.
Open study night!
Starting next month, I will be hosting Open Study Night, a public digital meeting (with an accompanying email newsletter!) for herbalists of all stripes to connect, share announcements, and collaborate! Learn more here.
New & more frequent online workshops
In addition to the Herbal Emotional Support workshop, which I plan on announcing a new session of in the near future, I’ve been working on a few other courses that I’m very excited about. Most are much shorter–single sessions over the span of one to three hours–and should be a lot easier for me to put on as I have time and the ability to plan a few weeks ahead. I’m hoping that as I put on these newer, more experimental workshops, I can get feedback, continually improve them, and add them to a more regular rotation.
The first of these will be announced shortly 😉
And no, I haven’t gotten any better at naming workshops lmao.
Sliding scale updates
This is a hard one for me. Previously, I have run my practice on a “pay me or don’t, whatever” kind of model, with more intense fundraising as the need arises, and hiatuses when I need to spend my time making money to survive. This is my ideal.
However, as I’ve mentioned…my life is tenuous. Some of that is by choice, but most of it is unavoidable as a multiply disabled person with no familial support network. I can’t just get a shitty part time job and supplement with gig work because it’s physically impossible. The ways I make money are paid below minimum wage, occasionally dangerous, usually unpleasant, and INCREDIBLY unreliable. I can’t always promise that hiatuses will be short. This one definitely wasn’t.
So here’s the deal: I will not hound or shame people I work with about their ability to pay. I will not means test or ask you to prove yourself. I will not turn people away for not being able to pay. But I am going to start being more transparent about my needs, because even the limited income I get from donations makes a huge difference in how I can afford to spend my time, my ability to do this work, and my physical and emotional wellbeing.
Writing projects
Finally, I do wanna mention that the herbal harm reduction zine I announced on instagram right before my hiatus is still being worked on. It’s going a lot slower than I would like it to, but it’s a project I’m extremely passionate about and do intend to release in whatever form ends up being manageable.
Thanks for sticking with me!
I’m really excited to be back. Here’s to the future!
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system-of-a-feather · 2 years
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I’m still thinking about Moon Knight Episode 5 cause it really hit home and like... really got me thinking on a few things that have just been circling in my head trying to be digested but really struggling since I don’t have much access to a lot of our actual childhood shit, but I think one of the things that really got my brain stuck is that I think I really really resonate with Steven (and by think, I obviously do, innocent fictive host and shit) and I think a large part of Episode 5 really had me hearing Marc and like... having that be shit I really never heard properly from my system and probably needed to hear but never got to because admitting a lot of that would put the whole “point” of me in jeopardy if I wasn’t so much ready to deal with the implications and meta knowledge.
With recent trauma processing and system work, we’ve - or rather I guess I since I’m sure a large number of other parts already knew this- realized we are not a system of functional parts with a few hurting, disordered, and messed up parts, but that we are a very disordered, very hurt, very fucked up and messed up parts, with like.... two functioning parts. And I don’t mean functioning as in “are actually worth anything” but as in “is relatively good at integrating into society, looking only moderately mentally ill, having a life, having goals, and being decent at living and having enough positive affect and vision to keep a healthy positive ending in mind.”
Save for me and Lucille - and maybe Eva and Ray but they’re on the fence - no one else in this system really has much room for positive affect and interactions with the real world. Everyone else is considerably jaded about the world, stuck in trauma-mindset, jaded about themselves, and/or has abandoned “reality / the world” to live internally because they have given up on existence. 
And you know “that’s the whole point of you” is really rough to think about until you really do kind of think about how literally, it is a very large and important purpose to have. Sure you aren’t killing monsters and dealing with the “hard reality” of the abuse, but you are sitting out there protecting a sense of hope, future, happiness and humanity so that when survival is over, you can actually have a chance of living again. Being able to remain “innocent” and unmarred by the trauma and reality of what has happened, has allowed us to maintain a drive to still be alive and to value ourselves and others in the world despite all that we have gone through.
I’m a dumb idiot that doesn’t know half of the reality of what we’ve been through, but I’m also one of the only ones here who can see the world without the blood-tainted lenses that trauma has given everyone else and actually give the system something to work for and an idealistic image of what could be. I am not rooted in “our reality” and “our truth” but I am rooted closer to what the world actually is and believing a lot more that things can and should be better for us because what happened to us was an unfortunate unlucky situation that we didn’t deserve, and that there is a chance that our luck could turn around and we could be like others.
Since Moon Knight started, I’ve been of the theory and idea that Steven exists and acts as the life Marc wishes he could have and could lead - having a normal job (even if its a shitty minimum wage) and to build relationships and to have the joy be coming home to a handicapped fish - and I still stand by it. That’s a life Marc can’t make for himself because of his PTSD symptoms and his self hate and his overall fear and hypervigilance, but Steven - Steven who managed to remain primarily unaware of the trauma that has happened is still capable to lead that life for them.
Steven could start and build a happier life that they always wanted because he isn’t aware of their bleeding and damage. He can get help, create something they need to get them somewhere better, by just not knowing how badly hurt they are.
There’s a massive strength, and a massive importance in being an “innocent fluff ball” and still having goodness and hope despite horrible things having happened. Steven’s not an uwu baby, he’s just a guy living as “a guy” when his life and history has dictated that he should be “broken”.
Anyways, I’m just rambling and arguably (probably) projecting, but this episode has lived rent free in my head on repeat for like 50-60 hours and I have thoughts.
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olderthannetfic · 2 years
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You have way more wisdom and experience than I do and also approach topics with a lot of nuance (which I really appreciate) so I was hoping you could offer some help. If this ask is too heavy or it's too weird feel free to ignore.
I've been Poor my whole life and I've also been severely mentally ill most of my life. Mental health care isn't covered by my country's government and therapy is really expensive so I pushed on using mostly online tips and tricks to manage my depression. But that's not working anymore. I do everything I see online but it's not helping any longer. I've journaled in old school notebooks, I've worked out at home so much I'd be buff if I wasn't too underweight to gain muscle, the little food I can afford is so meticulously chosen as to be healthy that I put health food bloggers to shame and a host of other stuff people tell you will cure depression.
I recently realized that a lot of the things that happened to me as a kid were actually extremely traumatic and abusive which only added to it.
I'm desperate for any support but I can't afford therapy and I also can't just say to my friends "I need you to help me with complex trauma." that would be overstepping boundaries and also very entitled of me, so I'm definitely not doing that.
I worry that eventually it will be too much and I'll fully have a mental breakdown, which would be disastrous for me as I pay for my college myself and a mental breakdown wouldn't exactly be good for my barely above minimum wage job.
How do I prevent that? Are there any sources that can assist you when you know that realistically you can't afford therapy? Or are there books or online services that can help? Is there way to work through this right now until I save enough for a therapist. I'm at my wits end and it's starting to become obvious to those around me that I'm struggling a lot mentally. Just going through the day is soul crushing and my only motivation is the money I pay for my degree not being wasted.
This is a lot to ask from anyone, especially an online stranger, so please don't feel obligated to answer. if you can't answer that's fine and I'll probably ask Reddit again. Also if any part of this is trauma dumping please let me know as I struggle with knowing when I'm just telling people stuff and when I'm trauma dumping
--
Nah, this isn't trauma dumping. That usually involves more details of what happened to you and is often in a derailing context in an existing conversation.
Unfortunately, if there were easy answers, you'd already have found them.
The first thing is not to beat yourself up. Mental illness and poverty do a number on anybody.
All that "go jogging to feel better" shit is for people who have mild situational depression. You don't. No matter how hard you work, none of that crap is going to fix it. I mean, eating healthy couldn't hurt, but it's not your fault it didn't work. It was never going to work.
Yours is presumably a brain that needs meds, and until you can afford to pump some different chemicals into it, it's going to keep making the wrong ones and ruining your day. Health is a nice goal... Under the current circumstances, however, I think a more useful goal is just to survive. Every day above ground is a win.
As long as you're still kicking, there's always time for things to improve. You don't need to be a superhero and fix yourself right now. You just need to make it through school till you can at least focus on just the shitty job instead of the shitty job plus school. (And hopefully, a better job, eventually.) Whatever keeps you upright and heading for that goal is what you should do.
In terms of specific resources, you could try looking up the DBT resources other people have been talking about. DBT seems to be used on otherwise intractable depression, suicidal tendencies, etc. and often on people with a hot mess of a childhood.
Unstructured journaling and general "try to be healthy" stuff has not helped, so I would focus on more structured practices that involve specific homework. Meditation and mindfulness exercises may help (and are a part of DBT).
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felix21im · 3 years
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"Ice Cold", a Leon Kennedy x reader fanfiction
As an Art and Design student all you want to do is just knuckle down and finish that one goddamn piece you've been working on for months. Too bad your time is constantly stolen by your Waiter job with minimal pay, but hey, at least the tips are good if you unbutton your shirt that one more time.
Masterlist
Chapter 6: The Bar
“You have to be kidding me right now!” You couldn't believe what you were hearing. “It was the first time I haven’t shown up to work, I always did my job exactly how you wanted me to and this is your thanks? I told you what happened and you don't even care at all! I was literally unconscious and in shock after what occurred that day.” You exclaimed and shook your head, not believing what you were hearing.
“I'm truly sorry, but you know how we handle things here. I'm sure a young and outgoing person like you will find a new job without any problems. We will send you the money for the last days you were working. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got a restaurant to take care of.” Your boss, well ex-boss, went through the door and left you standing in his office in disbelief. You picked up all your personal items before then heading to the front door. You looked around once more, thinking about all the years you were working here. You said one last goodbye to your coworkers before heading out the door, leaving this part of your life behind.
You went to your own car - finally having a driver's license after Leon made sure you got your private lessons - ready to drive home. But as you were sitting down you realized that that wasn't what you really wanted. The best thing to do now was to see Leon, so that's exactly where you were going.
You pulled into Leon’s driveway and parked in front of the front door. “I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” Angel greeted you as you stepped out of the car.
“Neither did I.” You answered and walked to the door, letting yourself in. You found Leon in the kitchen and he was leaning over a bottle of whiskey. “Leon?” You raised an eyebrow, thinking it was kind of early to drink but didn't say anything to him.
You must have scared him as he shot up to look at you. He looked rough, his hair was a mess and his grey clothes were stained. “Buttercup!” He smiled as he walked over to you. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, I thought you were at work.” He planted a kiss on your forehead and rubbed your arms.
“I got fired.” You simply blurted out, rather than trying to avoid it. “Since I didn’t go to work that one day last week my boss seriously wasn’t happy.” You lightly waved Leon off of you and sat down at the kitchen counter. “I’ve never missed a day for like three years but one day! One day! Is enough to get me fired.” You placed your head in your hands and groaned.
“Well fuck that guy.” He pulled a cereal box out of a cupboard under the kitchen island and placed it into a bowl.
“Fuck that guy…” You replied. “Now I need to waste the next week of my life trying to find a new job.
Leon finally put some milk into the bowl too. “You’re a college student, you don’t need a full time job.” He placed the bowl in front of you as you looked up at him. “Eat up, Buttercup.”
You looked down at the cereal and you pushed it around with your spoon. “I’m not really hungry, Leon.” You pushed the bowl back towards him and you brushed your hair with your hand. “It’s not that I need a job, I just like having one, it keeps me busy and the extra money never hurts.”
“But wasn’t the pay terrible?” He raised his eyebrow as he began to eat your food. “And super sexual? Your co-worker Mimi told me about how you would unbutton your shirt and wear super tight pants so that the customers would tip you more…”
“True.” You admitted. “So I’ll look for something different. Maybe I can be a personal assistant like Angel and Daisy.”
“They’re more than just assistants y’know.” Leon continued to eat. “Those two have joined me on a job, saved my life once or twice.”
“It’s four in the afternoon, why are you eating cereal?” You eventually asked.
“We don’t have any food, Angel wasn’t able to go shopping this morning.” He said as he placed his empty bowl in the sink. “How about an office job?”
“That’s a bit boring, dontcha think?”
“Umm. How about that internship you were going for?”
“I still have three months left of college, once I'm done with that and I have the grades for it, I can apply.” You admitted as you got off the bar stool, not having eaten any of the food Leon gave you. Leon watched you while you were filling your glass with water and some ice to cool down. You drank it and watched Leon do the same, just with his glass of whiskey. “Isn't it a little too early to drink?” The words left your mouth before you were even thinking about it. Now it was Leon's turn to raise an eyebrow at your comment.
“Are you my mom or what now? I think I know when or when I cannot have a drink.” He snapped at you, which really surprised you.
"Obviously I am not. But that's not really responsible of you, is it? I just don't get it, why you're drinking at this time and so often in general the past weeks." You thought about what you were saying, realizing his drinking behavior dates back to the first time you even met. "I get that your job isn't easy and stuff but day drinking? Really? Seems kind of low to me, Leon."
Leon let out a laugh and shook his head. "If all you want to do now is complain you can leave. That's not what I wanted you here for."
You looked at him again with big eyes. "So you don't wanna talk? I don't know what it is that’s between us, but it can't always be good and fun. I'm literally just worried about your health!"
"Worried? I think I know what's good for me much better than you do, I'm not the child here." He spat at you as he drank from his glass.
"So if you’re not ‘the child’ does that mean that I am?” You looked at him speechless. “That's how you see me? I understand that I'm a lot younger than you but I'm not a child! And just because I'm trying to talk about something serious? What is going on with you Leon?" He didn't even look at you. Instead he poured himself another drink and took a sip. You shook your head and let out a scoff. You then grabbed your jacket and went to the door. Before leaving you looked back to Leon, hoping he would apologize or stop you from leaving, instead you got nothing. You slammed the door behind you shut and you heard something break. “A fucking mansion and his front door cant even handle a slam..” You muttered to yourself as you went over to your car. Angrily you left his driveway and drove in the direction of home.
Your roommate was home for the holidays, leaving you in your apartment alone. Rather than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself you tried to get some work done.
Looking for jobs was much harder than you remember. “Host. Nope. Grocery store worker. Eh, I guess that could work. Stripper?! Hm, if I'm desperate enough, maybe…” You spent hours looking and applying to jobs, most of them being just over minimum wage but any money is better than none.
Eventually you gave up and just began to watch TV on your laptop, endlessly flicking through the channels available to you. Since none of it looked interesting you put on something random and picked up your sketchbook. As the noise played in the background and your pencil ran across the paper your eyelids became heavier and heavier, those combined with the fact that it was now eleven at night.
The sound of your phone vibrating on your wooden desk ripped you from your sleep. At first you ignored it, being far too tired to want to actually open your eyes. It started to vibrate again. You rubbed your eyes, trying to see clearly in the dark and waking yourself up. You looked at your phone confused, wondering who wanted you so late at night. You unlocked it and looked at the time first. “Almost two in the morning... damn”, you muttered to yourself. After that you checked your notification and let out a sigh. Multiple messages from Leon just in the past few hours you were asleep. You didn't even bother looking at them, knowing that he was drunk. Most of the messages didn't even make sense and there was no way to read or understand them. Before locking the phone again, an unknown number called you. Unsure about who it could be, you waited for the call to end. But soon after the same number called again. You let out a sigh, answering the call. "Hello? Can I help you?" You asked tiredly. You didn't recognize the voice talking to you, but you could hear Leon mumbling in the background. The person told you something about Leon being totally wasted and that he requested for you to come and pick him up. Unsure about what to do, especially after the argument you had earlier, you still agreed to picking him up. You ended the call and put your phone away. Putting your head in your hands, you let out another sigh and shook your head. You quickly went to your kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, needing caffeine otherwise you would fall asleep before you even got to Leon.
As you grabbed your jacket, phone and coffee you looked at your car keys and shoved them into your pocket. You knew you couldn’t take your car as you didn’t want to leave it at the bar considering it was twenty miles from home. “Why couldn’t he have gone to a local bar?”
You waited outside in the rain for a taxi to come and pick you up. You’d be sure to charge this cost on Leon’s credit card.
Faint music was in the background as you walked through the door to ‘Billy’s Bar’ and it only took you a second to find Leon. “Buttercup!” He waved and blew a kiss at you the second he spotted you.
“Hey Leon.” You somewhat smiled as you sat down next to him at the bar. “What mess have you gotten yourself into?” You muttered as you waved over the bartender, them giving you the bill. “How can you rack up eighty dollars in one night?”
You searched Leon’s pockets for his wallet but came up empty. “Woah there Buttercup, let’s go home first before you start to pull my pants off.” You simply rolled your eyes at his drunk comment.
You groaned as you gave up the search for his wallet and eventually you just placed your own stack of cash on the bar, giving a little extra for the bartender as a tip. “Come on.” You got off the stool. “Let’s get you home.” Leon got off his stool and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “Jesus Leon, don’t do that…” You wiped the kiss off of you and shook your head as the two of you left the bar and into the pouring rain. “Keys?” You held out your hand and he placed his keys in your palm. The keys to one of his fancy cars that you don't even know the name of but you were pretty sure that it was an Audi of some sort. It had four doors and four wheels, good enough.
“I can drive Butterc- cup.” He hiccuped as he talked, proving just how much he shouldn’t drive.
“I’ll be fine…” You clicked the keys and the lights on the car flashed. You took Leon to the passenger side of the car and forced him off of you as you opened the door for him. He leant on the roof to help himself into his seat and you then closed the door behind him. “Alright, it’s just like my car… just a lot quicker and a lot more expensive…” You mumbled to yourself as you hopped in the driver’s seat and started the engine. The loud roar was enough to make you almost pee yourself due to your nerves.
You gripped your hands on the steering wheel and put the car into drive. The car immediately shot forward and you instantly slammed on the breaks, causing Leon to bash his face on the dashboard. “Oh fuck!” You put the car into park and looked at Leon’s nose. “I’m so sorry.” You carefully brushed your hand on his nose and luckily it didn’t feel as if it was broken.
“I’m fine…” Leon’s eyes rolled back in his head and he leant back in his seat. You simply huffed at him and leant over him, grabbing his seatbelt. As you went back to your seat you sighed at him as you looked at him sleeping.
You buckled your own seatbelt and started the car again, now more carefully. You checked all the buttons and hoped for the best as you left the parking spot slowly. Before you stepped on the gas once more to drive onto the street you looked over to Leon, who was now half asleep. Just sometimes he looked up again or out the window without saying anything. Which was probably better because he wouldn't say anything useful anyway in his state. You drove on the main street and gripped the wheel, concentrating on the dark and rainy road before you. You tried putting on some music but soon shut it off again because it just irritated you. So you just drove around silently trying to find a way to Leon's house. Every now and then Leon muttered something, more to himself than to you. You shook your head blaming yourself for his behavior. Letting out a sigh you concentrated on the road again and silently went on.
You drove for around five minutes before Leon began to get bored. “Buttercup?”
“Hey Leon…” You replied to him, keeping your eyes on the road because you didn’t want to swerve into a ditch.
“You’re the best.” You could see him smile at you in the corner of your eye. He held out his hand and you simply ignored it. “Please?” He wiggled his fingers, wanting you to hold his hand. You scoffed as you dropped your right hand from the wheel, placing your hand in his. “I love you, Buttercup.” He smiled at you again but you simply ignored it.
“You’re drunk, Leon.” You took your hand back from him, in annoyance.
You wanted him to say that he loved you, but not like this, not in a drunk slur. “I’m serious.”
"Yea, sure you are." You rolled your eyes and looked straight to the street, not giving him anymore attention.
"You're so mean, Buttercup." He began whining like a little child which made you laugh sarcastically.
"You’re behaving like a child now, Leon. I told you earlier today that it doesn't have anything to do with ages." You shook your head, thinking about the argument from earlier.
"I'm sorryyy..for snapping at you like that earlier.. do you forgive me? Pleaseeee Buttercup.." You raised your eyebrow at his apology, not thinking much of it.
"I can't forgive you when all you do is lie when you’re drunk. Say sorry again when you're sober and we'll see." You felt him moving in his seat, now directly facing you. You gave him a short look and tried pushing him back into his seat. "Leon, please sit down correctly. I can't concentrate like this."
He had a smug smile on his face now. "Am I all you can concentrate on now?" Leon came closer to you and you backed up, now shoving him away with your right hand. The road in front of you was still slippery and dark and you couldn't drive like this. In a short motion you stepped on the brakes and stopped at the side of the street. Now facing Leon as well you tried pushing him back into his own seat, hoping he would leave you alone now. He still resisted and even though he was totally drunk he still was stronger than you. He grabbed your wrists and came closer to you, almost sitting on your lap now. You were able to keep some distance with your legs but it wasn't an easy task. "Buttercuuup.." He began again as he started playing with your fingers. "I'm serious.. I loveee you, since the first time I met you." You looked at him, searching his face. People always say that drunk people speak the truth but a part in you didn't want to believe it. Not because you didn't have feelings for Leon, but this whole situation seemed wrong to you. You realized it wouldn't get you far when arguing in this state so you just let him talk, not giving it much thought. Leon continued talking but he soon noticed you didn't even listen anymore. As soon as he came closer to you again you snapped back to reality.
You unfastened your seatbelt and got out of the car. You walked through the rain to Leon's side of the car and also opened his door. He looked at you confused but didn't say anything. You loosened his seatbelt and almost threw him out of his seat and out the car. He just about caught his balance, looking at you perplexed. You tried finding the right words but didn't even know what you were doing here. Leon leaned on the side of the car, already totally soaking wet. "Leon, I don't know what's going on with you but I can't continue driving when you keep on annoying me like that! So please just shut up or we're gonna stay out here until you're sober again, I don't care!" You shouted towards him, hoping he would even hear you through the loud and heavy rain. You came closer to him again, waiting for an answer. It seemed like hours passed, but Leon didn't say a thing. You groaned and opened the back door. You grabbed Leon's arm and pushed him inside. Overwhelmed by the sudden force, he fell into the backseat taking you with him. So now you lay on top of Leon, both of you totally wet. You felt Leon's warm breath and also the smell of alcohol. You suddenly felt hot and everything around you seemed to stop, all you saw was Leon. He looked you deep in the eyes and you into his. Without even thinking about it, you felt Leon's big hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face. And the next thing you felt were his lips on yours. For a split second you leaned into the kiss, before realizing what was happening. In an instant you shot up and pushed yourself away from Leon. He looked at you, confused and heartbroken. "Leon. Let's just get you home now." You helped him put on a seatbelt without speaking another word and then went back to the driver's seat. The rest of the drive home neither of you spoke a word but every now and then you felt Leon staring at you from the back.
Finally you arrived at his home. Even though it was raining you could still make out the driveway and main door. You didn't bother parking the car in his garage, so you stopped in front of the door. You took the keys and before leaving the car you looked back at Leon. He wasn't asleep. He looked out the window, like most of the time during the ride. It reminded you of a child that wanted to stop at the local McDonald's but his parents didn't want to. You shook your head and tried hiding your smile. After that you left the car and also helped Leon out. Both of you didn't say a word as you walked to the door. Leon's arm was around your back for balance but you didn't mind it. It was better than letting him walk alone and him ending up injuring himself. You opened the front door, which was unlocked to your surprise. Apparently no one in this house thinks it could be possible that a thief would come here to say hello. You took off your own jacket which was totally drenched and hung it up. You then did the same for Leon, without any words exchanging either.
"I should probably get you something dry to wear. You're gonna get sick otherwise." You said more to yourself than to Leon but he still heard you and agreed.
"Let's.. just go upstairs and change there. It doesn't matter if the house gets dirty." Leon already started walking towards the stairs but you soon followed after noticing how he couldn't even walk straight. You then helped him upstairs and you went into the bathroom.
"I'll get you something to sleep in, just.. sit here and don't move. Can you do that for me?" He nodded silently and you left the room. You went into his bedroom and got some pajamas for him and also something for you to wear. As you entered the bathroom you found Leon sitting in the bathtub, naked. Even though you've seen him half naked before this wasn't what you wanted to see. Covering your eyes you threw his pajamas over. Obviously he didn't catch them so now they were lying next to him. "Jesus, Leon. What are you doing? I asked one thing of you and-"
"Sorry, Buttercup.. I just didn't want to freeze." He put his legs closer to him and rested his head on top of them. You shook your head and even though you didn't want to, you had to agree with him. You were also cold and wearing wet clothes didn't help. You sighed and looked at him. "Are you gonna shower by yourself or do you need help?" You felt like his caretaker right now but you also couldn't leave him hanging now. He looked at you with big eyes, which basically begged for you to help him. You sighed once again before walking over to him. You started the shower making sure it was warm enough. It was just a quick way of warming him up, not wanting to spend any more time with a naked and drunk Leon. After you were done you helped him out of the bathtub and put him into a towel. After drying him a little bit you helped him get into his pajamas and walked him into his bedroom. You watched him get into bed and before taking a shower yourself you saw him drifting off into a deep sleep. Closing the door behind you silently you went back into the bathroom and took a shower and changed into some of Leon's clothing. Nothing too special but at least it would keep you warm. After you put all the wet clothes away you went downstairs to try to get some sleep as well. You entered the living room and lay down on the big couch. Just a few minutes later you felt sleep take over and take you into a world of dreams.
You woke up the next morning to Angel's voice. "Hey there. Sorry to wake you up, I just wanted to see you before heading out again." You sat up and stretched, looking at Angel. "Thank you for bringing Leon home. I wasn't home yesterday and.. I'm sorry you had to see him like that." You shook your head, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder.
"Don't apologize for that. It's no big deal.. I think. Does this happen often? He was so.. weird yesterday." You looked down, feeling guilty for snapping at Leon like that yesterday, maybe being the reason for him ending up drunk.
"It's, well, it happened before. He always likes to drink but I'm not sure what's going on to be honest. But don't worry, okay? It has nothing to do with you or anything. Chances are high he's just fed up with work, I don't blame him." You nodded, smiling at Angel now. She then stood up and gave you a small smile before turning to leave. Before leaving though she turned back to you. "I prepared some coffee for you and Leon. Maybe try waking him up. And.. try not to be too mad at him, would you?" She waved to you one more time before leaving the room and soon the house.
You got your two mugs of coffee and you went up the stairs to wake up Leon. As you put your hand on the doorknob you could already hear his snoring so you made sure to be quiet. He laid face up on the bed and his hair was extremely messy, so rather than waking him up like you originally planned you just sat on the chair by the window and drank your coffee. The rain from last night was still just as terrible, if not worse to the point where you couldn't even look out the window, you needed some other source of entertainment. You picked up one of the books that Angel had placed in there as decor and began to read it. It was only a small book, something about a knight in shining armor there to save the princess, just like all the other fairy tales. As you were reaching the end of the book you could hear Leon beginning to stir, his breathing had become a lot lighter and his snoring had stopped, meaning he was pretty much awake now. You took another sip from your coffee and you could see Leon sitting up in bed. He had his hand on his head and you could tell that it was pounding. “Good morning, Sleepyhead.” You gave him a faint smile as you tapped the table, another mug of coffee waiting for Leon.
He groaned as he waved his arm at you, wanting you to bring the coffee to him. At first you just shook your head at him and clicked your tongue but he wouldn't give up, you were too tired to argue about it so you just sat on the side of the bed, your back facing him. “You’re mad."
“You think?” You snapped at him, still looking forward, at the blank wall in front of you.
“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” He sat up properly and shuffled towards you, being careful not to spill his cold coffee. “I was being stupid. I had a bad morning and I just wanted to chill out for the rest of the day, have a nice drink and just relax by the pool or something.”
“Oh so me arriving for a surprise visit, that's what derailed your day?” You turned to face him and you could tell that the two cogs in his brain were working overtime.
“What? No!” He shook his head as he tried to get a grasp on the situation. “I overreacted to you asking about my drinking problem-”
“Oh so now you admit that it's a problem?” You interrupted him, by now your body was fully turnt to him, just by your body language he knew that you were more than just pissed at him.
“It’s always been a problem.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I can try and explain it.” You simply huffed at him, wanting to hear his excuse but still wanting him to know that you're angry. “After Raccoon City I began to get pretty bad nightmares. Like really, really bad nightmares. You can guess why.” You simply nodded at it, feeling guilty now that you got him to explain. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time, so I tried my best to just keep myself busy. Hobbies, people, anything. I would sometimes go out to bars and whatnot and I figured out that after a few drinks I would usually sleep better that night.” He adjusted himself in bed so that he was fully sitting upright, his full attention on you as he talked. “I’ve been doing it for years, Buttercup. It’s just a hobby I guess.”
You didn’t really know what to say. Sure you lived with college kids so you were around drinking fanatics 24/7 but an actual alcoholic? You didn’t have much experience.
“Buttercup, I’ve tried everything.” He leant forward and grabbed your hand, rather than you recoiling like the night before you accepted it and you shuffled yourself closer to him, sitting cross legged next to him on the bed. You hesitated before leaning your head on his shoulder and also grabbing his hand.
"I don't know how I can help, Leon. But you can't continue like this. I.. I didn't recognize you yesterday, you were so different. I don't want to worry about you, when you're out for a drink. I just-" You looked up to him with big eyes, some tears forming inside them. You felt so helpless and even bad for not noticing anything earlier. Leon squeezed your hand.
"Shh.. it's okay, Buttercup. After I met you, I tried to stop drinking, you can even ask Angel. But the nightmares never end. The only time I was able to sleep through the night was.. when you were here and slept next to me. Knowing I wasn't alone, feeling you next to me, it helped me." You blushed and gave him a small smile, but deep down you knew this wouldn't help long-term.
"Even if I stay here to sleep in your bed, you will always want to drink. And I can't be here with you all the time. You need.. we need something else to fix this problem." You took a deep breath. "Leon, I think you need professional help. Like, I don't know, medication to help you sleep?" You looked at him unsure of what you could do to help.
"I tried that before, Buttercup. I swear I tried it many times before but I also fell back into this habit. I can't change it anymore." You shook your head.
"No Leon, stop saying stuff like this. You may have tried before but.. now I'm here. I'll help you. I promise I will not leave your side, we will do this together. We can work in small steps, you hear me? Like.. you always drink your whiskey with ice, right? What about you trying to put in less alcohol and more ice? Step by step? It's worth a shot and this way it isn't cold withdrawal. What do you say?" You looked at him with big eyes, kind of proud of your idea. A small smile rested on Leon's face as he looked at you.
"It's worth a shot. But don't get your hopes up too high. This won't be easy and.. if things don't work out, I don't know who I'll be then."
"Leon. I am not leaving you alone now. We will do this together and no matter what happens, I'll be here. I believe in you." You lay your arms around him and hugged him. You felt his arms around your body and smiled. After a short while you let go of him. Both of you took a sip of your stone cold coffee and sat there in silence, the only sound being the rain outside the house.
You saw Leon fidgeting around and looked at him questioningly. Before you could ask what he was thinking about he began speaking. "You know, uhm, what I said yesterday. I meant it. Sure, I was drunk and all but…", he turned to you. "I love you. I have for a long time now but I didn't know how to say it. But I really do." You looked at Leon with big eyes, shocked that he would bring this topic up again. Unsure of what to say you stood up and walked around the room. Leon's gaze followed you and you felt bad for not saying anything. After walking up and down you finally sat back next to him again. "Leon, I.. I don't know what to say. I mean.. I. God. Leon. I love you. I really do." You let out a small laugh. This whole situation felt so bizarre to you. You saw a big smile growing on Leon's face and you had to return it. He grabbed you by your arm and pulled you to him. You looked each other in the eyes, knowing what both of you needed now. Leon closed the gap between you two and after so long you kissed him. Without being drunk. Just a real and honest kiss, both of you wanting it and knowing it was the right thing. “So what was the bad news that you got yesterday morning?” You asked him as you pulled away.
“I have to go to Italy for a job.” He smirked. “But I think I might drag you along with me, we can have some time together once I'm done with work.” You thought about the offer for a split second before agreeing.
"At least I don't have a job where I have to ask for permission anymore." You jokingly said, trying to make the best of the situation.
"Well then we have a plan. Sooo, you better get home and pack your things. We should be at the airport early tomorrow morning. I'll text you the time and pick you up. Sounds good?" You nodded before going for another kiss. You stayed at Leon's house for a while longer before eventually going home and packing your stuff. You were excited to be by his side at a job and couldn't wait for it anymore. God knows what you've gotten yourself into...
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