#without his friends and family and Arthur Merlin obviously ages | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bitsandbobsofwriting · 3 years

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The upcoming visit of a particular Noble has Merlin on edge;

Gwen has to explain why to an incredulous, soon to be horrified, Arthur.

TW: Physical abuse.

Arthur doesn’t question it when Merlin drops an empty tray moments after he was told of Lord Dunstan’s upcoming visit, he simply rolls his eyes and mutters something about incompetence.

Merlin wordlessly cleans up the mess as Arthur goes on to tell him to make sure the Steward was aware, and to have a servant ready for him.

Merlin’s... subdued, behaviour in the following weeks however, does invite question, but Arthur quickly drops it when Merlin snaps at him. It’s rare that Merlin gets angry (or openly angry), so The King shrugs his shoulders, and stops pushing it.

If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed that all the servants seemed a little muted, not even Gwen was holding the long conversations with him that she usually does. But Arthur was a King, preparing for the visit of a long-standing family friend he hasn’t seen since Uther died.

He had more important things to worry about than the conspiratorial whispering between Merlin, the Steward, and George. So he left it. He figured Merlin was just finally getting in trouble for being a shit servant, and deserved whatever he got.

When the morning of Lord Dunstan’s arrival finally came, Merlin was unusually quiet as he dressed and readied Arthur; but Arthur was so preoccupied by complaining at the small portion of his breakfast, he didn’t notice (or at least didn’t comment on) Merlin’s lack of sarcasm or witty insults.

Just as Arthur finished eating, a knock resounded from the chamber entrance. Arthur frowned in confusion, he wasn’t expecting news of Lord Dunstan’s arrival for another hour or so, but Merlin seemed pleased as he opened the door.

A young servant boy, who Arthur vaguely recognised as being called Tristan, walked in. He seemed nervous, but smiled when Merlin patted him on the shoulder, whispering encouragement that Arthur couldn’t quite hear.

Arthur raises his eyebrow at Merlin when he turned back, but before the King could question him, Merlin spoke:

“This is Tristan, My Lord. He’ll be serving you during the day whilst Lord Dunstan is here. Be nice to him.”

Arthur frowned, sternly saying:

“Well, where will you be? I don’t recall giving you any time off, Merlin.”

Tristan gulped, but Merlin ruffles his hair as he rolls his eyes, before heading towards the door, replying over his shoulder:

“It’s my turn to serve the visiting noble and there’s a few things to sort out before he arrives. The servants have a rota.”

He shuts the door behind him briefly, before opening it and sticking his head back through, giving Arthur a pointed look before repeating:

“Be nice to him.”

The door quickly shuts again, and Arthur sputters indignantly. Tristan cleared his throat slightly before shyly asking:

“Is there anything you require to be done today, My Lord?”

Arthur’s attention is quickly drawn back to the boy, around fourteen summers old, and he fixes him with a confused stare before his brain seems to catch up, and he responds:

“Uh... yes, there’s a... wait, do you.. do you know how to read and write?”

Arthur doesn’t really think about it often, he doesn’t need to, but he was aware that most commoners, even servants working in the castle, didn’t know how to read.

The nerves seem to drain from Tristan’s face as he gives the King a wide smile:

“Yes, Sire. Merlin started teaching me when I first started working here last summer. I’m pretty good at it now, as long as it isn’t too complicated.”

Arthur is taken aback at that. Of course, teaching peasant children to read and write sounds like exactly something Merlin would do, so he’s not sure why he’s surprised.

Arthur nods, returning the boy’s smile with an unsure one of his own:

“Right. There’s a list of chores on the desk. Try to get as many of them done as you can but... uh... ask the Steward or Merlin if you need any help, or if you can’t do something.”

Arthur had no real concept of what commoner boys of Tristan’s age were capable of. When Arthur was fourteen, he could recite the names of every Camelot Noble, and decapitate a training dummy without breaking a sweat, but he knows that’s not... normal... for other children.

Tristan nods enthusiastically, and goes to the desk, picking up the list and reading it with furrowed brows and a bitten lip. Arthur sees the deep concentration on his face and the slow pace of his eyes moving over the page, and makes a mental note to allow Merlin an extra few hours a week, to give more official lessons to the younger servants.

Arthur clears his throat, standing from his place at the table and gesturing at the empty tray in front of him:

“Take this down to the kitchens, then get started on the list. I’ll be working in here until Lord Dunstan arrives, make sure to come and inform me as soon as he approaches the castle, I wish to meet him in the courtyard.”

Tristan’s eyes go wide, and his face loses a bit of colour, but he gives Arthur a smile that’s only slightly shaky as he bows, and slips the list into his pocket:

“Yes, of course My Lord.”

The boy’s miniscule change in disposition doesn’t strike Arthur as odd until the door shuts quietly behind him, leaving The King alone in his chambers.

He hums thoughtfully to himself, everyone seemed to be acting strangely this morning. Though perhaps Merlin, and a boy who was spending a lot of time with Merlin, acting strangely shouldn’t be... surprising, to Arthur.

He shrugs his shoulders slightly and sits at his desk, resigning himself to at least an hour’s worth of boring paperwork.

When Tristan came back around a candle mark later to inform The King that Lord Dunstan’s carriage was approaching the castle gates, he seemed even more nervous and tense than earlier.

Arthur noticed, but payed no mind. He figured the boy was just a little overwhelmed with his duties, and made a mental note to ask Merlin to check in on him, the next time he saw the gangly manservant.

He had no time to do so however: the next time Merlin was in Arthur’s presence, he was unloading Dunstan’s baggage as Arthur greeted the Lord.

The two men clasped arms, wide smiles on their faces as Arthur said:

“Welcome back to Camelot, Lord Dunstan. I hope your journey wasn’t too difficult?”

The man’s smile grew as he shook his head:

“No, not difficult at all, we made good time. It’s an honour to be back, My Lord.”

Arthur nodded in satisfaction, and resisted the urge to frown when he noticed how tense Tristan and Merlin seemed, instead keeping the smile on his face:

“Well, lunch will be served in a candle mark or so. You’ll be seen to by my personal manservant for the duration of your stay-”

Arthur gestures loosely at Merlin, who doesn’t react at all as he quietly informs George and one other servant to take Dunstan’s belongings up to the chambers he would be staying in. As the two of them ascend the castle steps, bags in hand, Merlin moves to stand behind the Lord, giving George a knowing look before focusing his gaze on the floor, jaw tense and face blank.

Arthur doesn’t manage to avoid frowning at Merlin’s odd behaviour this time, but covers it quickly before continuing:

“-let him get you settled and then you can join me for a meal in the dining hall. If you require anything at all, do not hesitate to ask him.”

Dunstan looks to a still non-reactionary Merlin, and Arthur takes advantage of his distraction to glance at Tristan, whom he had noticed take a subtle gasp at Arthur’s words. He frowns slightly at the boy’s apprehensive face and strained posture, but looks back as Lord Dunstan drops a heavy hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

Arthur can see the bob of Merlin’s throat as he swallows and winces slightly, but stays otherwise still. The King doesn’t have time to think about it before Dunstan joyously exclaims:

“Yes, I remember him from last time. I will take full advantage of your hospitality, My Lord.”

Arthur returns his smile, and gestures to the castle entrance, Merlin’s odd demeanour immediately forgotten. Dunstan removes the hand from Merlin’s shoulder, and the two of them follow Arthur through the large doors.

They separate in the corridor, Merlin stiffly leading the Lord to the guest chambers, and Arthur and Tristan heading back up to The King’s chambers.

Both of them enter the room, Tristan standing still and tense, expression drawn and concerned as he makes a point of staring at the floor submissively.

Arthur frowns in confusion, trying not to sound accusing as he asks:

“How are you getting on with the list?”

Tristan replies in an even voice, obviously making an effort to sound blank as he keeps his gaze on the floor:

“I’ve crossed off the first three tasks. Is there anything specific you require now, or would you like me to continue with the chores, My Lord?”

Arthur’s eyes widen and he smiles:

“Three? In one hour? That’s brilliant. No I don’t need anything, keep going with the list-”

Tristan bows, still not making eye contact, and wordlessly goes to leave, but Arthur calls him back:

“Wait! What’s gotten you so tense all of a sudden? Speak freely, you won’t be punished or anything, is there a problem somewhere?”

Tristan tenses even further, and turns around with wide eyes. He shakes his head roughly:

“No Sire, no problem.”

Arthur frowns and furrows his eyebrows, but before he can reply, a frantic knocking comes from the door. Before Arthur can ask who it is, the door bursts in harshly and Gwen rushes in, looking panicked:

“Merlin?!-”

Her eyes land on an awfully confused Arthur and she bows very briefly before hurriedly saying:

“-I apologise for the intrusion, My Lord, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Mer-”

Her frenetic gaze lands on Tristan, and she lets out a breath before rushing over to him. She puts one hand on his shoulder and one on his cheek. She tilts his head carefully, as if looking for something on his face as she says:

“-Oh, Tristan thank the Gods. Matron just told me that you had been assigned to Lord Dunstan. You haven’t been hurt have you?”

Tristan smiles nervously and takes Gwen’s hand from his face as he shakes his head softly.

Arthur looks on in unconcealed bewilderment as the boy quietly replies:

“No. Merlin swapped with me. He’s with the Lord now, and I’m serving His Majesty. I told him I could handle it, but he and George insisted.”

Gwen’s jaw tensed slightly as she shook her head:

“Hmm. You’re not even of age yet Tristan, we won’t let you-”

She looks up nervously at Arthur, seeming to only just remember that The King was in the room with them. She gulps slightly, before plastering a smile on her face and looking back down to the boy:

“-why don’t you run along and finish your chores. I can deal with anything His Majesty needs right now. And stay out of our guest’s way.”

Tristan tilts his head in question, but at Gwen’s slight nod he turns and bows to Arthur, before leaving the room. Gwen watches him go with a concerned frown on her face, but her attention is quickly caught by Arthur again as he suddenly exclaims:

“Right, are you going to tell me what that was about? Why did you think he had been hurt? And Merlin told me it was his turn to serve the visiting noble?”

Gwen looks back to him nervously:

“It’s nothing, My Lord. Do you require anything?”

Arthur scoffs disbelievingly, looking annoyed as he retorts:

“Yes. I require that you answer my questions.”

Gwen frowns again, looking desperately worried as she replies:

“Really, Sire, it’s not anything you should have to concern yourself-”

Arthur holds a hand up, his face morphing from annoyed to worried as he interrupts her:

“Colour me concerned. Speak freely, Guinevere. What’s going on? You, Merlin, and Tristan have been acting noticeably odd all day, and it isn’t even noon yet.”

Gwen gulps, before seeming to sag slightly in resignation. She lets out a breath and looks to the floor as she quietly replies:

“The servants look out for one another, Sire. George is the best servant, gets things done the quickest, but Merlin can... Merlin is the best at taking hits, better than all of us. So whenever a noble is particularly... demanding, they tend to work together, to keep the younger or more inexperienced servants out of harm’s way.”

Arthur’s expression morphs once again, this time to one of puzzlement, and Gwen looks up at him apprehensively as he replies:

“What do you mean, “taking hits”, and since when has Merlin worked with George?”

Gwen tilts her head, before slowly replying:

“I... I don’t really know what to say, My Lord. Whenever a noble is aggressive, George will do his best to make sure everything’s perfect, and Merlin will stop the noble taking an interest in any of the other servants; he’ll take the hits. Lord Dunstan has a- you said I could speak freely, My Lord? I know Lord Dunstan is a friend of yours-”

Arthur nods firmly, muttering an “of course”, starting to realise with numb horror what Gwen might be talking about:

“-well, Lord Dunstan is always rather... violent, with the serving staff, especially the younger ones, so whenever he visits, Merlin takes over serving him, and the rest of us try to keep out of his way, and patch Merlin up at the end of the day.”

Arthur looks shocked, and Gwen frowns as he collapses back into one of the chairs at the table. She slowly walks over, sitting opposite him. When Arthur stays silent, seemingly staring into the distance, Gwen clears her throat and speaks up quietly:

“Surely you knew, My Lord? That we get hit?”

Arthur looks at her in shock, shaking his head incredulously before replying:

“No! No, I didn’t know. Why has no one said anything?”

Gwen tenses her jaw, suddenly looking like she’s trying to control her anger, before she replies harshly, but still quietly:

“What would you have us say, Sire? We’re just servants. Nobles can do whatever they want to us without punishment. And even if abuse of the staff was illegal, who would believe the word of a servant over that of a Noble? Like I said My Lord, we look out for each other. None of us like it, but Merlin is the best at working through injury, so he always takes the violent ones whilst the rest of us do his other duties for him.”

Arthur slumps back in his seat, thinking for a moment whilst Gwen stares at him with an odd mix of anger and pity.

He speaks up again after a few minutes, barely audible:

“Merlin takes the violent ones...”

Gwen nods sympathetically, before replying in a quietly disbelieving tone:

“Yes. Do you actually believe Merlin every time he says he fell down the stairs, or ran into a door, or something else equally stupid and clumsy??-”

Arthur nods wordlessly and Gwen sighs:

“-He disappears for hours at a time, and comes back with all those bruises and injuries because he takes over someone else’s... difficult assignment. We used to try and take turns, and still do very occasionally, when Merlin can’t, but he usually insists. He can take beatings that no one else can; he can somehow work with a fractured jaw and a concussion and all manner of other injuries, children who are barely fourteen summers old can’t.-”

Gwen sighs once again, and Arthur looks up at her in shock as she stares at the table and sniffles slightly, tears filling her eyes as she quietly continues:

“-He’s always been stupidly proud of his ability to work after being thoroughly smacked around, AND hide it from you, but it worries me. One day he’s going to take a hit he can’t get up from.”

Arthur gains his ability to speak again, muttering in a horrified tone:

“Gods. I had no idea. I mean I knew a few of the Lords were a little handsy occasionally, but I put a stop to it when I see it. I didn’t think it was this... widespread.”

Gwen tilts her head, catching Arthur’s eyes. They meet each other’s gaze as Arthur quietly asks:

“Does anyone else know?”

Gwen gives him a weak smile and gulps before she replies, equally quietly:

“Gaius knows. After the first time we had to carry Merlin back to him to get patched up, we started warning him when anyone particularly... violent, was around, so he could prepare.-”

Arthur flinches and looks away slightly at that, the image of other servants having to carry a beaten and bloody Merlin back to Gaius replaying over and over in his head.

Gwen takes his hand sympathetically as she continues:

“-A few of the Roundtable Knights look out for us. We try to keep Gwaine and Elyan away from it because they just get angry and accusing and of course the servants face the repercussions for that later. Leon, Percival, and Lancelot are pretty good at distracting them, so we can escape, but it doesn’t work long-term. Sometimes the Nobles are less willing to be violent in front of others, so some of the guards hang around wherever possible, to keep an eye on us, but they can’t do that all of the time. They do what they can, when they can.”

Arthur nods mutely and Gwen stares at him as he gathers his thoughts. He straightens his back and takes in a deep breath before looking Gwen in the eyes, and firmly asking:

“How bad is Dunstan? Compared to others?”

Gwen winces, glancing away briefly before looking back to Arthur’s determined face:

“He’s... one of the worse ones. Last time he was here, he gave the first servant a broken nose and a concussion, and when Merlin took over, he bruised four ribs, fractured his wrist and collarbone, and ended up with permanent scars all up one of his arms.”

Arthur let out a breath and cursed:

“How did I not notice that? Or did I just take some stupid excuse at face value, again?”

Gwen pursed her lips, replying softly:

“Everything was bandaged up under clothing, and there were no visible bruises. Merlin is... skilled, at hiding his pain. You couldn’t have known.”

Arthur stands suddenly and begins pacing. He huffs before turning back to Gwen, ranting slightly:

“This is unacceptable. This is ridiculous. I want a list. Of all the violent ones, all the even mildly aggressive ones. Nobles, Knights, hell, even royalty, I don’t care. I want to know the names of everyone who thinks it’s acceptable to beat my staff.”

Gwen smiles sadly, and joins him in standing, but shakes her head slightly:

“It’s not that simple, that would be a very long list, Sire. I can think of maybe ten nobles who have never laid a hand on any of us, and one of them is Leon.”

Arthur goes pale and deflates, tears coming to his eyes as he whispers:

“Would... would I be on that list? I’ve thrown things at Merlin before but I didn’t... I never wanted to to hurt him, I never meant to be violent.”

Gwen steps forward and puts her hands on Arthur’s shoulders, giving him a soft smile as she says:

“Arthur, you throw pillows at Merlin when he calls you fat. You definitely wouldn’t be on the list. Merlin put Tristan with you because he knew that was the safest place for him to be whilst Dunstan was here.”

Arthur relaxes and nods slightly at her words, but still looks troubled. He looks up at her after a few moments:

“How long until lunch? Merlin will be with Dunstan until then.”

Gwen grimaces:

“Another half a candle-mark, Sire.”

Arthur huffs again, but begins walking towards the door purposefully, Gwen trailing after him worriedly:

“We’re going to pay him a surprise visit. I can hardly make an announcement, or accuse him with no proof, but if I catch him in the act...”

They both hurry down the corridor, Gwen rushing to catch up after the shut the door behind her. She can tell that Arthur feels guilty, but he was right in his assessment: the only way he could do anything about it is if he walked in on his manservant (and best friend and possibly love of his life) being beaten. And that’s not exactly something one wants to see.

They finally reach the hall that Lord Dunstan’s chambers were in, to see George approaching from the other end of the corridor. The servant’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of them, but he covers it quickly, moving to stand in front of Dunstan’s door, water pitcher clutched tightly in his hands. He bows at the King, and glances nervously at Gwen before saying:

“Is there anything I can help you with, My Lord?”

Arthur sees the way he’s stood in front of the door defensively, and whilst it frustrates him slightly that his servants think him incapable of protecting them, he understands. Apparently, this had been happening forever, and they all thought he knew and just didn’t care.

Gwen speaks up, quietly so they can’t be heard through the door, before The King can reply:

“It’s alright George, he’s here to help. How was Merlin last time you saw him?”

George goes a little pale, wincing slightly as he looks to Gwen at Arthur’s side:

“He was... alright. A few bruises, but nothing serious.-”

He tacks on a quick “-My Lord.” as he looks back to Arthur.

Arthur’s face goes red and he looks furious, Gwen has to tug his sleeve to stop him from shouting as he angrily whispers:

“A few bruises?? He’s only been here for half a candle mark!”

George gulps, and looks to Gwen for support. She pulls Arthur around to look at him, and the barely concealed devastation in her expression drains the anger from Arthur’s face:

“I told you, Dunstan is one of the worse-”

She gets interrupted by a muffled thump coming from the room behind George, and Arthur’s gaze whips to the door. George flinches slightly at the noise, biting his lip as he looks to the floor, as if trying to block the sound out. Gwen clamps a hand over he mouth, tears filling her eyes as they vaguely hear someone yelling in anger.

Arthur hesitates for only a moment in his shock, before pushing behind George and ripping the door open.

He stalks quickly into the room, Gwen and George on his heels as his gaze is immediately drawn to Dunstan drawing his fist back for the second blow.

Arthur is completely taken aback by the sight in front of him. Merlin was straightening up, recovering from the first hit, turning to look Lord Dunstan in the eyes with a blank expression. The Lord hadn’t noticed the other three enter the room, and Arthur has no time to yell before Merlin’s face is struck once again.

His head rocks to the side violently, and Arthur can see the spray of blood coming for the cut that Dunstan’s ring had left. Merlin takes a stumbled step back, but only looks to the side for a moment before taking a deep breath and, like before, returning to his original position with a blank look on his face.

Merlin notices Arthur, Gwen, and George over Dunstan’s shoulder, and his eyes go wide, but before he can say anything, or Gods forbid be hit again, Arthur speaks up.

His voice is low, and angry, but he just about manages to keep himself from attacking the Lord whilst his back is turned:

“What is the meaning of this?”

The Lord turns quickly, shaking his hand slightly to rid his knuckles of pain. Arthur has to resist the urge to launch himself at the man when he gives him a wide smile, as if he hadn’t a care in the world:

“Ah, King Arthur! I wasn’t expecting to see you until lunch. What can I help you with?”

Arthur’s jaw tenses as he glances quickly at Merlin’s bleeding cheek, before looking to Gwen and nodding in Merlin’s direction. Gwen takes the prompt with no hesitancy, moving quickly around the Lord to stand at Merlin’s side.

She tries to reach up to check his face, but Merlin gives her a short, reassuring smile before waving her off and fixing Arthur with a questioning stare.

Arthur ignores him, knowing that if he looks at him any longer he’ll fly in to a rage; choosing instead to direct a harsh gaze at Dunstan, who still has an innocent grin on his face:

“You can help, by explaining why on Gods Earth you thought it appropriate to lay hands upon a member of my staff.”

Dunstan looks a little confused, but doesn’t drop the smile entirely. He glances back at Merlin absent-mindedly before looking to The King once more:

“Nothing for you to concern yourself with-”

Arthur’s hands clench at his choice of words:

“-there was simply a mix up that required punishment.”

Arthur bristled, and took a menacing step towards the Lord, who at least had the decency to look a little self-conscious at the movement:

“No mistake that isn’t worth concerning myself with, warrants the physical beating of my employees. If you have any problems with the service, you are to bring it up to the Steward, or me directly. You are NOT to take it upon yourself to dole out punishment, am I understood?”

Arthur resists the urge to look at Merlin when he takes in a shocked breath, keeping his vicious gaze focused on Dunstan. The man sputters slightly, going red in the face as he rather indignantly retorts:

“Well, you’ve never had a problem with it before, Sire.”

Arthur takes a fortifying breath clenching his hands tighter as he grinds out:

“So you admit to physically abusing my staff?-”

Without waiting for a response, Arthur turns to Gwen:

“-Take Merlin to see the Court Physician,-”

He then looks to George behind him:

“-Inform the Kitchen, the Housekeeper, and the Steward, that Lord Dunstan will not being staying with us after all.”

Gwen takes Merlin by the arm, dragging him to the entrance despite his protests. George gives Arthur a brief bow, before rushing out the door behind them, leaving the furious King alone with the red-faced Lord.

Arthur turns back to look at him once again:

“I was, until recently, unaware of this ongoing problem. The people who work in this castle are under my protection, and they are not to be harmed under any circumstances. Until you can refrain from beating my staff, you are no longer welcome in my Kingdom. I want you out of the city by noon. I will be sending guards to help you find your way out.”

Without waiting for a response, Arthur turns and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, before he strides quickly out of the castle and down to the training grounds. He gestures Leon and Percival over, and the confused knights rush to his side, Leon asking what’s wrong.

Arthur tenses his jaw slightly before quietly saying:

“Have Elyan take over training. I want you and Percival to go and supervise Lord Dunstan pack his things, and make sure he makes it out of the city before noon. I want him gone.”

Leon widens his eyes slightly, but covers it quickly. Percival is not so quick, looking concerned as he asks.

“Is Merlin alright??”

Arthur sighs, a little upset that his most loyal knights were aware of the situation and he wasn’t, but he covers it well, looking to the floor briefly:

“It could’ve been a lot worse. Gwen took him to Gaius, I’m going there now.”

The two knights nod at his response, before rushing back to the other knights. Arthur doesn’t bother to hang around as Leon talks to Elyan, choosing instead to head straight in the direction of the Physician’s Chambers.

Servants, guards, and Nobles alike jump out of his way in the corridor. Whether news has spread of Lord Dunstan’s essential banishment, or the angry look on his face scared them, Arthur didn’t know. But it didn’t matter, he payed it no attention, focussing only on the quickest route to Gaius’s chambers.

He meets George at the door, and the normally uptight servant gives him only a shallow bow before shakily saying:

“The kitchen and heads of staff have been informed, My Lord-”

He glances nervously to the door, before looking back to The King and continuing:

“-Is there anything else you require?”

Arthur immediately picks up on George’s desire to see if Merlin was alright, and shakes his head:

“Come in and help Gaius with anything he requires. After, I’d like you to find Tristan and see if he’s alright, he seemed a little shaken earlier.”

George nods very slightly, grateful, understanding that The King had just given him an excuse to check on Merlin before he had to continue with other jobs.

Arthur gives him a strained smile before entering the chambers without knocking, George hot on his heels. The servant shuts the door behind them, and they see Merlin sat on the table looking put out, whilst Gwen insists on holding his hand and Gaius bustles around.

The three of them look over when the door is opened, Gaius giving them barely a glance before going back to flitting about, Gwen giving them a small smile before looking back to Merlin, and Merlin nodding briefly at George before settling yet another questioning gaze on The King.

George stays in place by the door, his concern well-hidden as he stares at Merlin. Arthur takes a few more steps towards his confused manservant, clearing his throat before saying:

“Lord Dunstan will be gone by noon. I told him not to come back until he could refrain from hitting my staff.”

Gwen gives him a grateful smile, and Arthur hears George let out a relieved breath from behind him, but Merlin just tilts his head in confusion:

“I don’t know why everyone’s making such a fuss. I’ve definitely had worse, he doesn’t even hit that hard.”

Gwen groans and gently smacks him on the arm, muttering:

“That’s not the point, Merlin.”

George huffs quietly, before saying, louder than Gwen:

“Guinevere is right Merlin. Gaius, do you require any assistance?”

At Gaius’s casual wave of denial, George turns to Arthur, giving him his normal deep bow before glancing at Merlin once more as he leaves the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

Arthur was taken aback at Merlin’s casual reply, and when Gwen notices the pained shock on his face, she pats Merlin’s hand softly before whispering:

“It’s not ok, Merlin. I’ll leave you two to talk.”

Merlin gives her an incredulous look, but before he can retort, she’s gone from the room. That woman can move quickly when she wants to, but Arthur hardly notices as he continues to stare at the cut on Merlin’s cheek.

Gaius finally finds what he’s looking for and rushes over to Merlin, tilting his head so he can look at the cut properly, and cleaning it with a strong smelling alcohol as the younger man winces.

Gaius speaks slowly as he works, and Arthur moves closer, to stand next to him:

“Hmm. You’re lucky you didn’t fracture your cheekbone. There’s no concussion either, just make sure to keep this clean, my boy.”

Merlin goes to nod, but stops with a smile and roll of the eyes as Gaius huffs at the movement.

Arthur waits patiently, but gives Gaius a pointed look when he finishes. The aging physician gives him the patented eyebrow raise, before leaving the room without a word. Merlin ignores Arthur, watching Gaius walk out with a frown on his face and a muttered:

“Where’s he going?”

Arthur shakes his head, putting a forceful hand on Merlin’s shoulder when he goes to stand up. The manservant flinches away and Arthur retracts his hand quickly, as if he’d been burned.

Gods. That had happened in front of Arthur. He’d seen it, and shrugged it off, like Merlin’s pain was nothing. No wonder none of his staff came to him.

Merlin gets the idea nonetheless, and stays seated, furrowing his eyebrows:

“Why’d you make Dunstan leave? It’s only me he’s hit, people have done way worse.”

Arthur takes in a harsh breath, planting his feet to stop himself from pacing as he shakes his head:

“I didn’t know, Merlin. Gods, if I’d known that my staff were getting beaten I would’ve done something earlier.-”

He looks up, and Merlin is slightly taken aback by the desperation in his eyes:

“-I swear, I had no idea.”

Merlin tilts his head in confusion, talking slowly, as if to a child:

“But you... accepted all my excuses? I thought that was our way of acknowledging that it was happening and that we couldn’t do anything about it?”

Arthur exhales forcefully, but fails to stop himself from pacing this time. Merlin’s eyes follow him up and down the room as he speaks quickly:

“No! I really just thought you were that clumsy! Gods above Merlin, why didn’t you just tell me? The staff are under my protection, you should NOT have to volunteer to take violent masters just to protect the younger ones. No one should! There should be no violent masters in the first place!”

Merlin huffs and rolls his eyes as he replies:

“I’ve had worse, Arthur. And besides, this has always happened, it’s the way of things. The rich and noble get to do whatever they want to the... not-so rich and noble.”

Arthur turns to him in shock, upset that Merlin seems to have no problem with regularly being beaten for no reason:

“Merlin! That shouldn’t be the way of things.-”

Arthur takes a step towards him, and puts a hand on his (uninjured) shoulder. Merlin’s eyes soften at the touch, and The King takes a deep breath before continuing:

“-And it stops now. If anyone, and I mean anyone, is violent or needlessly aggressive with the staff, I want to be informed immediately, no matter what. Even if you have to walk out on your duties or interrupt a meeting, I don’t care.”

Merlin shakes his head, laughing slightly, much to Arthur’s confusion:

“I don’t see what the big deal is?! No one but me gets hurt anyway, and it’s not like telling you will make them stop. I’m perfectly capable of filling in for the others, I have a high pain tolerance-”

He nudges the cut on his cheek slightly with a finger:

“-I can’t even feel it, see?”

Arthur growls slightly, slapping away Merlin’s hand before roughly saying:

“It is a big deal Merlin. You shouldn’t have to fill in for the others, because they shouldn’t need protecting from their own masters in the first place!-”

The anger drains out of Arthur suddenly and he sags, before looking up to Merlin with unconcealed sorrow on his face, and continuing in a shaky voice:

“-Just because you can take it, doesn’t mean you should have to. I’m not questioning your strength or stupid pain tolerance here Merlin, I’m trying to help. Frankly, I don’t want to trust the safety and well-being of my subjects to men who beat them just because they can anyway. Will you please just accept that I don’t like seeing you, or any of my other staff, in pain, and do what I ask for once?”

Merlin tilts his head, as if still struggling with the idea that this shouldn’t be happening, but at Arthur’s pleading eyes, he sighs and nods, before speaking quietly:

“Alright, fine. But if you put me in the stocks for accusing one of your Nobles of being an arsehole in front of the council, then I’m going to be pissed-”

Arthur shakes his head roughly, responding with conviction:

“I wouldn’t.”

Merlin raises an eyebrow in amusement, before shrugging his shoulders slightly. His eyes harden, and he takes a deep breath before saying, in a voice that invites no argument:

“But I won’t ever stop protecting the others. I’ll always volunteer to serve the aggressive ones, and if you try to stop me, I’ll do that thing you hate where I completely disobey your orders.”

Arthur lets out a gentle laugh, shaking his head slightly:

“I wouldn’t expect you to anyway.-”

The King looks back up at his manservant, an assessing look in his eye as he says:

“-It seems that you’re quite... paternal, when it comes to the younger servants; protecting them from violence to your own detriment,-”

He raises his eyebrow slightly as he continues:

“-teaching them to read and write?”

Merlin blushes slightly and looks down, mumbling:

“I was lucky in Ealdor, my mum taught me the basics; I wasn’t very good, but Gaius helped me when I got to Camelot.-”

He shrugs slightly before continuing, still refusing to look up at the man in front of him:

“-I just think everyone deserves a chance, so I teach them when I’ve got time.-”

He does look up now, smirking slightly as he says:

“-a good thing I learnt as well, otherwise who would proof read and improve your God awful speeches?”

Arthur looks indignant and offended for all of two seconds before he laughs and nods his head reluctantly:

“You have a point. You know, if you want some time in the week to give properly structured lessons, I could figure something out. I’m sure we can find an empty room in the castle for you to use, and the crown will pay for anything you need.”

Merlin brightens noticeably, a wide smile on his face as he rushes to say:

“Really?! That would be great, I know they really want to learn but it’s difficult when I only have an hour here and there, especially when they all have jobs to do as well.”

Arthur laughs gently as he nods his head, deciding that it’s a little ridiculous, how desperate he is to keep that smile on Merlin’s face for as long as possible:

“Of course. We can discuss it with the Steward, but how about... a morning one day, and an afternoon another day? You can split the group into two, that means the castle isn’t missing too many staff at once.”

Merlin nods, not dropping the enthusiastic smile once, and Arthur chuckles fondly.

Yes, Arthur thinks, yes, that smile, for as long as possible.

THE END!

Maybe it’s a tad anti-climactic, but some fluff is just like that I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Same as always, if you wanna write it out properly, go for it! Credit and tag me ✌

Let me know if y’all want my thoughts on anything in particular:)

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quondam-et-futurus · 4 years

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bbc merlin aspec headcanons

because I’m aroace and no one can stop me

Arthur: Greyromantic (and bi). It was a long time before he had a crush, he has maybe two before Gwen and they go away pretty quickly. As far as he was concerned he was better off without worrying about that kind of thing. When he first started to like Gwen it took him a while to figure out what he was feeling, and then it sort of freaked him out and he didn’t know what to with that. He’s more comfortable taking things slow and he’s kind of uncertain about typical romance-coded activities. This part kind of goes against canon, but I kind of think that, while he’s not big on getting married, he’d be totally happy marrying someone like Mithian or Elena who he gets along with and respects, even if he doesn’t have romantic feelings for them if it weren’t for the fact that he’s in love with Gwen. He grew up seeing marriage as primarily someone he’d trust to rule with him and want to know for the rest of his life, and he was totally fine with that. I usually think of him as bisexual, but I can also see him as ace (in which case he’s still biromantic in addition to grey-ro) and I kind of love interpreting him that way? Ace Arthur is very good, y’all. Gwen is obviously super accepting of it, and they talk about how they might approach choosing an heir from the other people at court when the time comes. If we’re talking Merthur, then I think that it takes him incredibly long to be even remotely aware that he’s into him. Actually, even if he doesn’t love Merlin romantically, I think he absolutely loves him and values him immensely, not to mention how much he care about and is protective of his knights. This boy needs found family and non-normative relationship models so badly. I do have to say this makes the number of love spells that get put on him kinda awful ‘cause as an aro person that’s freaking terrifying, but I still love the headcanon. Merlin: Asexual (and either bi or gay depending on the day, which fics I’ve been reading, and how recently i’ve watched lady of the lake). I feel like I don’t have to say much because this is pretty popular? But yeah. Big fan of ace Merlin. I don’t always headcanon him as ace, and I’m a huge fan of a lot of headcanons I’ve seen or fics I’ve read where he’s totally not, but yeah. Ace Merlin. 10/10, two thumbs up.

Leon: Aroace. Again, I don’t feel like I have to say much? I’ve seen a lot of people share this one. He’s aroace, he loves his friends, and he’s very tired. Let this man take a nap.

Elyan: Asexual (and bi). Idk, I saw someone say this and I just thought it was rad.

Morgana: Aromantic lesbian. Look. Morgana is a lesbian. I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else on this, and all y’all out there shipping Morgwen are valid as heck. Sometime when I think about Morgana, I don’t read her as aro, but sometimes I just need to project a bit so here goes. Aromantic Morgana who has always thought of friendship and family as hugely important and doesn’t see why people think of romantic relationships as inherently better. Aro Morgana who’s more that a little smug about not getting crushes when she sees how the other kids her age act with them. Aro Morgana who bonds with Arthur about this and calls him a traitor the first time he gets his first rare, short-lived crush. Aro Morgana who clings to her friendships and feels all the more betrayed by Merlin for it. Aro Morgana who feels like her sister is the most important person in the world. Aro Morgana who has always felt, deep down, like she’s isolated and set apart and who ends up all alone.

#everyone else in camelot is bi #except uther who is the only straight #anyway yeah!#the morgana one got sad #rj talks #headcanon #text #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #arwen #merlin #sir leon #sir elyan #once and queuture

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fennecswife · 2 years

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Chapter 2: The Dinner

Hermione apparated to the burrow with a pop to find Ginny waiting to walk her in. The fiery redhead practically jumped at Hermione giving her a hug. Catching them both before collapsing on the ground, Hermione returned the hug to her enthusiastic friend.

“Merlin it feels like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you,”

“Gin it was last week,”

“Yes but compared to how much I usually see you, it feels like ages. I hope that since we're both 7th years now we can share a dorm,” at this, Minerva’s warning popped back into Hermione’s mind, the change in mood not going unnoticed by Ginny. “Hey what’s wrong? Do you not want to be roommates?”

“No Gin it’s not that, of course I want to room with you. It’s just that I got a letter from Professor McGonagall today. It was confusing to say the least.”

“Well I’m sure you can tell us all about it once we get inside, I’m freezing,” the two friends then went to walk towards the welcoming house where Hermione had spent so many of her summers at.

Walking in felt different than all the other times. In past years, Hermione would arrive at the burrow to stay there before heading to school. Obviously she had been back since the end of the war, but the thought of going back to such a happy place without the threat of voldemort. It just felt different for her. She was greeted as always with open arms from the redheaded family. She felt at home here and loved, but she still had her mind anxiously thinking about the letter. She decided to wait until dinner to bring it up.

As usual Molly had prepared a grand feast, consisting of any food you could imagine. After everyone settled around the table and helped themselves to the cornucopia set before them, Hermione decided to mention her troubles.

“This afternoon I received a strange letter from the headmistress, she was expressing her concerns about something that the ministry is up to.”

“Oh not again. We just fought in a war for Merlin’s sake, can’t we catch a break?” Ron grumbled, his mouth stuffed as usual. He quieted down with a stern glare from Hermione.

“She said that they’re putting a law into place, one that’s never been used before. It was written back when all the others were, but it was only to be used in extreme cases. Shacklebolt told her not to tell anyone so she remained somewhat cryptic. I was hoping, Arthur, that either you or Percy may have heard something about it?”

Arthur then spoke up with his boisterous voice,” Well Hermione dear, I’m afraid I haven’t heard of anything new. Percy however, I believe has all the laws memorized. Isn’t that right Percy?”

“Yes, I studied them when I first applied to the ministry for my job. Do you have any more information so I could figure out which one she may be referring to?”

“Well as I said, she remained very vague in her letter. She however did mention something about population and taking away the lives of us younger wizards and witches.”

Percy seemed to think on this for a moment when his face paled,” No that’s not possible, they wouldn’t do that to us so soon after such tragedies we faced.”

“Wouldn’t do what Percy?” Harry spoke.

“I do hope I’m wrong but from what Hermione has said, I believe the headmistress was referring to the Amalgamate Law. It was written in case of serious loss in population in events such as plagues or witch trials in the muggle world. It has never once been enacted and for good reason.”

“Percy what exactly does the Amalgamate Law ensue?” Hermione questioned fearing the answer that may follow.

“In simple terms, it’s a marriage law. Witches and wizards are paired for marriage and are expected to have an heir before a set amount of time.”

“They can’t expect us to just obey them, this is unjust. We aren’t animals bought and sold for mating,” Ginny burst out in a rage.

“Ginevera Weasley lower your voice,” Molly jumped in,” Now this may be an unjust law, but if it is in fact put into place, we must listen to the ministry.”

“With all due respect Molly, but you should not just follow the Ministry blindly,” Harry countered, “What would have happened if everyone just followed when Voldemort and his followers overthrew the Ministry. Laws should be challenged if they do not protect the greater good of the people,” Molly sunk back into her chair seeing Harry’s point. “I’ll have a chat with Kingsley I’m sure he’ll listen to me.”

“I’m afraid that he won't, Harry, Professor McGonagall already tried all she could. The Ministry simply turned her away and told her not to tell anyone of their plans. She said that the law has been passed already and that news awaits us at the welcome feast,” Hermione felt the pieces clicking into place but could hardly believe them. She didn’t want to believe that Kingsly, a man who fought beside them in the war against Voldemort and experienced the greif first hand, could do something so despicable as this. It was a violation of their human rights.

Everyone sat in silence for a moment unsure of how to proceed. Were their fates already sealed, were their lives to end before they even truly started? Nobody knew what to do, they just sat, their feast long forgotten.

“We’ll fight this. We won’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen. I’m the bloody boy who lived, they’ll listen to me I’m sure of it. I don’t care if McGonagall is certain they won’t change but I will not let them do this to me. I’m finally with the girl of my dreams and they’ll have to rip her from my cold dead arms if they expect me to just let go.” Ginny softened at her boyfriend’s kind words, but even she was worried and doubtful of the power Harry’s title would carry when it came to the Wizingmont. Harry stood, excusing himself to go write to Kingsley. He promised Hermione he wouldn’t mention anything about McGonagall breaking her promised silence.

The rest of the evening was a quiet one, nobody drank or joked like they normally do. They all sat in silence doubting their ability to get the law abolished. People began to wonder if it were to happen, how would the rest of the wizarding world react, who would they be married to, would they ever be able to find happiness?

Dawn came quicker than anyone expected. It was a sleepless night, everyone scared to say what they all had to be thinking. Would the boy who lived be able to save them this time, or would the ministry get their way? They wanted to believe in Harry and they always did. It was just after going through everything he had, how could they expect him to continue fighting yet another battle after losing so many people he loved in the last.

As the new day came upon them, their grief and worry worsened. Harry having heard back from Kingsley having his spirits dampened. Never once had the boy thought he would feel hopeless. He had battled the fiercest adversaries, yet his real enemy may lay before him.

Word total- 1231

Whoo chapter two. I promise that as I go on there will be longer chapters with more dialogue. I just like to hold off on dialogue and describe thoughts more as I set up stories. Idk it’s just how I write. I hope that you are enjoying this so far. Don’t worry they’re going to hogwarts soon which means, drumroll please, Draco fucking Malfoy. He will be appearing shortly. Maybe I'll do the next chapter taking place at the same time as these two chapters but at Malfoy manor. Who knows. I am not sure how long this story will be but I will definitely be writing a decent amount of chapters. But yeah enjoy this.

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#dramione #dramione marriage law #dramione fanfic #draco malfoy #harry potter #the choices they didn't have hermionegranger

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reading-while-queer · 3 years

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Hi! I just read the all for the game series and i absolutely loved it. If you haven't read it - its a ya book it includes serious issues (rape, figts, drugs, self harm...) there's action and mafia stuff and so on...obviously its also gay - i liked it bc bing gay wasn't the main plot of the book -- the main character just fell in love with a guy and that's something i would love to see more off. So if you have any recomendations of similar books - so action, serious drama, and queer representation i would love to read it

I asked a friend who has read and enjoyed All for the Game (and who has their finger to the pulse of YA) and they came up with some comps!

The Friend Scheme by Cael Dietrich (storygraph) High schooler Matt's father is rich, powerful, and seemingly untouchable—a criminal with high hopes that his son will follow in his footsteps. Matt's older brother Luke seems poised to do just that, with a bevy of hot girls in tow. But Matt has other ambitions—and attractions.And attraction sometimes doesn't allow for good judgement. Matt wouldn't have guessed that when he makes a new friend, one who is also carrying a secret. The boys' connection turns romantic, a first for both. Now Matt must decide if he can ever do the impossible and come clean about who he really is, and who he is meant to love. via The Storygraph

Once and Future by Cori McCarthy and Amy Rose Capetta (storygraph) When Ari crash-lands on Old Earth and pulls a magic sword from its ancient resting place, she is revealed to be the newest reincarnation of King Arthur. Then she meets Merlin, who has aged backward over the centuries into a teenager, and together they must break the curse that keeps Arthur coming back. Their quest? Defeat the cruel, oppressive government and bring peace and equality to all humankind. No pressure. via The Storygraph

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas (storygraph) Yadriel has summoned a ghost, and now he can't get rid of him. When his traditional Latinx family has problems accepting his true gender, Yadriel becomes determined to prove himself a real brujo. With the help of his cousin and best friend Maritza, he performs the ritual himself, and then sets out to find the ghost of his murdered cousin and set it free.However, the ghost he summons is actually Julian Diaz, the school's resident bad boy, and Julian is not about to go quietly into death. He's determined to find out what happened and tie off some loose ends before he leaves. Left with no choice, Yadriel agrees to help Julian, so that they can both get what they want. But the longer Yadriel spends with Julian, the less he wants to let him leave. via The Storygraph

The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune (storygraph) Nick Bell? Not extraordinary. But being the most popular fanfiction writer in the Extraordinaries fandom is a superpower, right?After a chance encounter with Shadow Star, Nova City’s mightiest hero (and Nick’s biggest crush), Nick sets out to make himself extraordinary. And he’ll do it with or without the reluctant help of Seth Gray, Nick's best friend (and maybe the love of his life). via The Storygraph

Wolfsong by T.J. Klune (storygraph) Like All for the Game, this series deals with heavy topics, which has led to a lot of fan crossover - but be forewarned, this series is not YA! I advise checking out a list of content warnings in advance.

In my own digging, I happened upon Tom Ryan, who might be an author to look into. His books, such as I Hope You’re Listening and Keep This to Yourself seem to have dark themes and high tension. The Girls I’ve Been by Tess Sharpe also looks promising.

If you don’t mind fantasy elements, there’s also Legendborn by Tracy Deonn, Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan, We Ride Upon Sticks by Quan Barry, and The Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater - which I know has some crossover fandom with All for the Game.

#unabasheddiplomatflapwobbler #asks only

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raeynbowboi · 4 years

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The Dragon Prince’s Arthurian Connections

I’ve seen some connections made between The Dragon Prince and Arthurian legend before, but in the past, that was usually more of a cursory glance at BBC’s Merlin from 2008, comparing Soren and Callum to Arthur and Merlin, and also being an excuse to ship them. Whereas here, I want to genuinely examine the similarities between the characters.

In the versions of stories where Arthur grows up in the royal palace, Arthur becomes king after his father is killed in battle when the prince is only 15 years old. Similarly, King Harrow is (at least assumed) to have died in combat with moonshadow elf assassins, leaving the very young prince as heir to the throne. While Arthur couldn’t talk to animals, Arthur is often toted as an example of a good, wise king, who put the needs of his subjects first, and ruled justly and kindly, just as we see Ezran do.

Aside from the obvious being a wizard thing, Merlin was a lifelong friend of both Uther and his son, Arthur. In some versions of Merlin’s backstory, Merlin’s father was an incubus who seduced a mortal woman, but she had baby Merlin baptised, cleansing him of his infernal ancestry. While we know very little about Callum’s father, if he’s intended to be ‘demonized’ as a negligent drifter who abandoned his family, this would loosely correlate to Merlin’s origins. Merlin was also a shapeshifter, and Callum learning to grow wings is a small but neat parallel. This could also mean that Callum’s role in Katollis will be to serve as an advisor to Ezran. He’s also older than Ezran, just as Merlin is always depicted as being older than Arthur.

Lancelot is the bravest knight of the round table, and the best swordsman in Camelot.He is often Arthur’s most trusted knight, as Lancelot’s father supported Arthur’s claim to the throne of England after Uther’s death. Similarly, Soren is an elite member of the royal crownsguard, though I don’t remember if they say he’s just a number in the ranks, or the commander of the crownguard, but he’s also the youngest crownguard in history, which speaks highly of his skill and prowess in combat. He’s skilled enough to be entrusted with teaching the royal princes in swordfighting.

In early myths, Morgan is the kind enchantress ally to Arthur. In these older texts she’s actually not related to him whatsoever. Later adaptations spun Morgan from a fairy enchantress into a human witch, studying under Merlin with a voracious appetite for learning. Despite pop culture depictions, Morgan didn’t hate Arthur so much as she hated Guinevere. When Morgan was arranged to marry a man she couldn’t stand, she became quite... well-known among the young men of Camelot, and Guinevere discovered her liaisons and chastised her (how ironic), leading to a longstanding feud between Morgan and Guinevere. Morgan’s character shifts as the Arthurian myths evolve, and the kind fairy enchantress who helped Arthur slowly became the bitter resentful witch who turned to black magic on a path for vengeance and power lust, mirroring Claudia’s own fall from sweet goofball with a fondness for learning into a dark witch willing to sacrifice everything in the pursuit of her goals.

Now, obviously, the whole Lancelot/Guinevere tryst is made MEGA ewwwwww with this comparison, but if Ezran’s going to marry another royal, Queen Anya is the most likely candidate. She’s of a similar age, probably no more than a year or two apart, and some versions of Guinevere have had her be the brains behind the marriage. She’s proven herself to be clever and capable, and she seems to be a fan favorite character, so an arranged marriage between them doesn’t seem farfetched. Unfortunately, Guinevere really doesn’t tend to do much in Arthurian legends outside of the Lancelot stuff, so there’s not a lot of comparisons to make here. Um, in the Canterbury Tales, Arthur leaves all ‘women’s matters’ to his queen, meaning that if it’s a women’s rights issue, Guinevere gets final say in all legal rulings, so I guess that’s pretty cool and progressive of Chaucer which is... extremely ironic.

Arthur’s father, Uther, is the king before him. Uther dies in combat before Arthur ascends to the throne, but Uther has his own story. Namely, that he falls in love with a woman who is already married, and has with her a son, who becomes the half-sibling to a mage. Likewise, Harrow falls in love with Serai, a woman who has been married before, they have a son, and the prince’s half-sibling learns magic. In this scenario, Queen Serai is Igerna, but Igerna has little to no personality or plot to speak of, so I’m just lumping her into Harrow’s section. Uther is also important to the next character.

A lesser-known villain in the Arthurian mythos, most film adaptations ignore Vortigern because he’s not a villain of Arthur, but a villain of Uther. Vortigern is the royal advisor to Uther’s father Constans, and also his eldest brother, Maines. Vortigern manipulates Maines to make him look weak-willed and to turn public opinion against him. Vortigern then overthrows Maines with the favor of the people, leaving Maine’s brothers, Pandragon and Uther, to slay Vortigern and reclaim their kingdom from the wicked advisor. Pandragon ruled for a short while before dying without an heir and leaving the throne to his brother Uther, who took the surname Pendragon as homage to his dear brother. There’s also loose corelations with Mordred, the traitor who usurps the throne from Arthur when he’s busy declaring war on Lancelot for the whole infidelity fiasco.

While this connection is weak and loose, The Lady of the Lake (Evienne, Nimue, Vivienne, etc.) is a vaguely fey magical woman connected with a very specific lake. The Moon Nexus, which Lujanne guards, is also a very specific and important lake. While she hasn’t given Ezran a sword, nor did she raise Soren, the parallels do exist, however faintly.

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thatdamnokie · 4 years

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so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

44 notes · View notes

profoundlyxbonded · 4 years

Text

12 signs a storyteller is building romantic and sexual chemistry

Dean/Cas FOR SURE hits 9/12 of these and arguably 11. DESTIEL IS REAL.

LOONG POST AND THE FANDOM EXAMPLES AREN’T SPN , BUT IT’S WORTH THE TIME.

THE BOLDED SPN EXAMPLES ARE MINE.

When it comes to possible romances in popular work, fans and storytellers do a lot of finger-pointing. People have varied tastes and can view the same interaction differently, causing fights over whether the romantic or sexual chemistry in a story was intentional. These feuds are particularly likely in cases where storytellers may be taunting queer audiences.

However, the question of whether chemistry was inserted by the storyteller isn’t as subjective as you might think. Storytellers use the same tactics over and over again when developing a romance. Let’s go over twelve of the most common. You can use them to analyze your favorite stories or to build chemistry yourself. To make things simpler, I use the term “peer” to indicate people who are similar in age and aren’t closely related. In other words, they qualify for a non-platonic relationship.

Let’s start with signals that could be platonic if used in isolation and count down to ones that are almost never platonic.

12. Banter & Teasing

Multiple episodes during seasons 4 and 5. Bickering and acting as if married after that.

When the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy came out, fans felt the chemistry between a pair of people that Peter Jackson probably didn’t expect: Legolas and Gimli. However, Jackson should have seen it coming. These contrasting characters start as natural adversaries, and once they’re on the same team, that transforms into competitive banter. This makes for fun and endearing scenes between them.

Even though banter can be platonic, there’s a very blurry line between banter and flirtation. That means interactions between peers that are familiar and yet have that teasing edge are particularly effective at building sexual and romantic chemistry.

If banter is all there is between the characters, the storyteller may not be creating that chemistry on purpose. However, in popular stories where everyone knows that fans want those characters to hook up, storytellers who include teasing are at least willing to encourage it. For instance, Merlin and Arthur on BBC’s Merlin are also known for their banter, and since it’s obvious that the show’s writers were cultivating chemistry, it’s very likely that banter was part of their strategy.

11. Staring & Close Eye Contact

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In the Star Trek: Next Generation episode The Big Goodbye, Dr. Crusher dresses up in a 1940s outfit to join Picard’s Dixon Hill game on the holodeck. When Picard sees her there, he first stops, stares, and then has a close face-to-face conversation. The scene even has cheesy romantic music.

While that example is over the top, storytellers can do this with a lot more subtlety if they want to. Visual storytellers typically have a character conversation in almost every scene, and it’s easy to nudge characters closer together or have them stare a little longer. However, some shows like Star Trek are also in the habit of making their actors talk really close together all the time. That makes the line between what is romantic and what is platonic really blurry.

Building chemistry via staring isn’t limited to visual works. In narrated works, description is used to focus the camera and show what the viewpoint character is paying attention to. The choice to describe the eyes of a peer, assuming they aren’t supernatural looking, creates romantic chemistry. Using a disproportionate amount of description on a peer, especially if that description makes them sound attractive, will also be interpreted as non-platonic. While narration can also describe how close characters are together, it won’t have the same subtlety as it would in a visual story.

10. Domestic Activities

(”Co-parenting”Jack/ being two of his three four dads.)

In season seven of The 100, viewers discover that Octavia spent ten years stranded with her former enemy, Diyoza. They took shelter in an abandoned home, and since Diyoza was already pregnant, they ended up raising her child together. For many years, Octavia tries to leave and go back to her brother, but Diyoza tells her that she shouldn’t abandon her family. Diyoza finally sabotages Octavia’s efforts to leave, but Octavia quickly forgives her. That sure sounds like a love story.

While characters don’t have to be romantic to be roommates, making peers into roommates is likely to get fans invested in a hookup. This is partly because living together is associated with romantic partnerships, but it also means that the characters are around each other a lot. The more they are together, the more opportunities they have to build chemistry.

Aside from that, simply seeing characters handle (or refuse to handle) domestic tasks like cooking, doing dishes, or house cleaning builds romantic chemistry between them. This goes double if the characters raise a kid together.

9. Bonds of Magic or Destiny

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In BBC’s Merlin, a wise dragon tells the titular Merlin that it’s his destiny to protect Arthur so that Arthur can bring about a new golden age. The dragon refers to them as two sides of a coin, and it emphasizes more than once that their fates are intertwined. Because he wants to stay close to Arthur, Merlin spends the entire show hiding his magic and working as a lowly manservant.

Our culture has countless stories about characters thrust into roles that make them essential to both the world and each other. These characters might be magically linked together, perhaps even hearing each other’s thoughts. The bond might be one of prophecy, with the characters needing each other to save the world. Or their society might make a big deal out of the two interdependent roles the characters play. For instance, in Gideon the Ninth, lots of time is spent describing how important a necromancer and their cavalier are to each other. Often, characters with these special bonds will gain abilities that can only be used when they’re together.

Storytellers have used this trope so many times in their romances that it carries a strong romantic connotation. While the trope can also be used for platonic relationships, a storyteller doing that may need to explicitly state that the relationship is platonic.

8. Voicing How Much They Care

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, the students Albus and Scorpius form a close relationship that is forbidden by Harry himself. This relationship is of central importance to the play, and it includes a conversation where Albus tells Scorpius “you make me stronger” and Scorpius responds “I didn’t much like my life without you in it either.” This sounds like a conversation from a romance novel with the direct “I love you” lines conveniently clipped out.

Friends and siblings in popular stories don’t spend much time talking about how they are friends and siblings. Most platonic relationships in stories are also not as emotionally intense, and they come across as less needy and codependent than romantic ones.

As we get more deep and meaningful platonic relationships in popular stories, these conversations may be less associated with romance in the future. Even so, having peers spend time discussing their relationship or what they mean to each other definitely builds romantic chemistry. And since we can’t credit most popular storytellers with caring about meaningful platonic relationships, conversations like this one between Albus and Scorpius are a strong sign that the storyteller is creating romantic chemistry on purpose.

Storytellers who are covertly building romantic chemistry are particularly fond of using the word “love” in ambiguous ways. They know interested audiences will interpret this as “in love,” while others will interpret it as platonic love.

7. Activities Associated With Dating

Multiple episodes - meals together

The Good Omens miniseries added original scenes for the fan-favorite demon and angel pair, Crowley and Aziraphale. The series shows them meet for the first time, go through ups and downs together, and as a secondary concern, deal with the events of the actual plot. They’re shown drinking wine at a fancy restaurant together more than once. When things look bad, Crowley practically begs Aziraphale to run away with him. After Aziraphale’s shop burns down, Crowley invites Aziraphale to come home with him. Aziraphale often appears scandalized by Crowley’s advances, which only makes those scenes more suggestive.

While two friends could have a candlelit dinner together, storytellers don’t depict characters having candlelit dinners for the purpose of developing a platonic relationship. That’s why in a story, just having two peers eat at a restaurant by themselves implies a romance in progress. Other dating-associated activities might include watching the sunset together or dressing up to attend a fancy event together.

This category also includes any outing referred to with the word “date” – even if it is a “friend date.” Your friend date in real life might not be romantic, but storytellers choose that word for a reason.

6. Absent Clothing ?

(09x06) There’s Cas’ discarded vest and unbuttoned shirt during the scene in the car outside Nora’s.

In The Last Jedi, director Rian Johnson decided to develop a romance between Rey and Kylo by giving them a magical bond in the form of long-distance telepathy. But Johnson must have decided the obviously romantic implication of this connection was too subtle, so Kylo also happens to be shirtless in one of these scenes.

Fictional clothing doesn’t just evaporate in storyland. If a character is bathing, is in their underwear, is missing their shirt, or even just has buttons undone, the storyteller has chosen to create sexual tension. This isn’t always to develop sexual chemistry specifically between two characters. In visual media, it might be to give the audience some eye candy. But if one peer’s shirt goes missing when the other appears, that’s a big sign.

Perhaps the most common method of doing this is putting characters in the same room when one of them is changing. Injuries are another common excuse for clothing removal and close contact. A remarkable number of characters have trouble applying their own bandages; somehow, they always need first aid from an attractive peer.

5. Flirtation & Flattery

Multiple episodes - (5x22) Dean outright flirting with Cas before saying yes to Archangelic possession and just Dean’s body language in other episodes.

X-Files was notorious for taunting viewers with a possible romance between its two leads, something that started right with the pilot. One of the many tactics used to build up a possible romance was for Mulder to inappropriately hit on Scully while they were working. In one scene where they are undercover as a married couple who just moved into the neighborhood, he tells a neighbor that he and Scully spooned like kittens all night. Generally, Mulder’s advances are disguised as jokes, and when he’s too serious to be joking, Scully treats his comments as if they were jokes.

It’s obvious that when one character hits on another, they have sexual or romantic interest. The only question is whether that interest is being used to develop romantic or sexual chemistry. Many stories have a scene where a minor male character hits on a female protagonist only for her to turn him down, and it’s supposed to be funny. Since most women do not find this funny, these scenes aren’t as common as they once were. Occasionally, a male antagonist will make threatening advances. That’s even worse.

However, it’s different when a relatable protagonist is initiating the flirtation. Even if the subject of their affections isn’t interested, being turned down will create sympathy. The scene may still be written as though it’s funny, but then it’s humble or self-deprecating humor. Failed flirtation establishes that the protagonist is looking for romance, creating the expectation that they will hook up with someone. If they’ve tried to flirt with a recurring character, it’s almost certainly a romantic setup.

4. Emphasis on Hugs and Physical Contact

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

Many fans of the show Teen Wolf wanted Stiles and Derek to hook up. Stiles is the fan-favorite character, Derek is really hot, and the two have some great banter scenes. Unfortunately, the writers of the show wouldn’t create a romance between them, but at the end of the show’s long run, they decided to give these fans something to remember. How did they do that? With the bridal carry. Even though the scene was written to be humorous, this specific hold has incredibly romantic connotations.

While the bridal carry is pretty blatant, storytellers will use all kinds of physical contact between peers to create romantic and sexual chemistry. One of the most common is hugging. Yes, friends hug, but visual stories don’t include extended shots of friends hugging. Narrated works don’t spend a whole paragraph describing the way friends hug. If a hug between peers is rendered in artistic loving detail instead of as a casual and brief aside, that was intentional chemistry-building.

Other blatant signs of non-platonic physical contact include showing whether their hands are close enough to touch, making one character fall on top of another (classic), hair tucking, and, for storytellers with no shame whatsoever, mouth-to-mouth such as CPR or “water transfer.”

3. Blushing

In Netflix’s She-Ra, the characters Bow and Glimmer start off as best friends and hook up in the final season. In depicting this transition, She-Ra gives us a beautiful reversal, in which this straight romance is much more subtle than the central queer hookup. Because they were already friends, some viewers might miss that Bow and Glimmer end the show as a couple. However, close observation of one scene in particular leaves no room for doubt. In it, Glimmer praises Bow’s music, and they both blush.

Blushing is a little odd because it doesn’t appear in live action for practical reasons. But in animated, illustrated, or narrated works, storytellers use blushing to communicate that a character is experiencing non-platonic feelings. While it occasionally indicates general embarrassment, context almost always makes it clear which is which. If the character blushes after dropping all their books in the middle of class, it’s embarrassment. If they blush after speaking to or staring at a peer, it’s romance.

Since blushing is involuntary, it’s particularly useful when characters aren’t willing to show their feelings. This means it often gets used as early buildup to a romance or to create chemistry between characters who will never admit their feelings at all.

2. Jealousy ?

OPEN TO INTERPRETATION BUT - (4X10) Cas’ reaction to Dean and Anna.

In Gideon the Ninth, Harrow is a necromancer and Gideon is her cavalier. However, at the beginning they’re almost enemies. When they’re summoned to an abandoned castle to train for a great honor, Harrow goes off on her own. This leaves Gideon to socialize with the other nobles present – in particular, the lovely and kind Dulcinea. As Gideon and Harrow begin to make up, Harrow increasingly voices her displeasure with this association, finally forbidding Gideon to see Dulcinea. While Harrow insists it’s because Dulcinea is dangerous, Gideon accuses Harrow of being jealous.

In stories, jealousy is an obvious sign of romantic feelings. That’s simply because while the vast majority of romances in popular stories are monogamous, friendships are never exclusive. Someone who wants to be a friend doesn’t have much reason to get jealous. Factor in conscious choices by storytellers, and platonic jealousy is rare indeed.

Characters rarely admit to being jealous, so storytellers who want to clarify usually have another character say it. Even if it looks like that character could be wrong, the storyteller wouldn’t have used the word “jealous” unless they wanted their audience to think about it. The romantic chemistry that comes with this is intentional.

Unlike other items on this list, I don’t recommend using this one yourself for romantic buildup. Like other negative emotions, occasional jealousy is natural. However, it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, and it’s associated with domestic abuse. When storytellers use it in romances, they are encouraging everyone to think of jealousy as romantic. That can have deadly consequences.

1. Onlookers Assume They’re Dating

Multiple episodes - Meg, Balthazar, and others making joking (or very serious) comments about their relationship.

In the BBC Sherlock episode A Study in Pink, Watson and Sherlock have dinner together at an Italian restaurant. For those who’ve been paying attention so far, that’s a dating-associated activity. The waiter is an old associate of Sherlock, and he casually refers to Watson as Sherlock’s “date.”

I cannot count the number of times I have seen this used as early buildup in straight romances. The likely couple goes out together – often to a restaurant but not always – and some stranger assumes they’re a couple. Embarrassed, they hurriedly correct the stranger. Several episodes later, they’re admitting their feelings for one another. In BBC Sherlock, this trick from the old romantic playbook was clearly not enough for the show writers. Following this is a conversation where Sherlock concludes that Watson is interested in dating him. He says he’s flattered, but he’s “married to his work.”

The denial of the characters doesn’t cancel out the intentional romantic chemistry. If the storyteller didn’t want the audience to think about the pair hooking up, they wouldn’t do this song-and-dance in the first place. In fact, if the denial is enthusiastic, it just indicates these comments about being a couple are hitting close to home.

For all the other signs I’ve listed here, I can at least conceive of a situation in which a plot would call for something similar between people intended as platonic. These little snippets of dialogue have no such cover. They are irrelevant to the plot at hand, inserted entirely for the character moment they create. They are the furthest thing from organic, especially with a same-gender pairing. The storytellers can claim they’re jokes (homophobic ones), but they have many jokes at their disposal that do not build romantic chemistry. They chose a joke that would.

When these romantic or sexual signals are used on same-gender pairings, it may fly under the radar for audiences with a heteronormative gaze. However, these signals don’t end up in the story by accident. That goes double if this is a big-budget story in a visual medium, where the story has been written, animated, or filmed, and finally edited under supervision. Remember: it’s a storyteller’s job to shape the response that audiences have to their story. They may not be perfect, but they still know what they’re doing.

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words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years

Note

I'd like to thank you for the Legend of the Sword au you promised in the tags of that Alleirat post, I may not be good at coming up with them but I sure do love them

LISTEN MY DUDE, YOU SAID “KING ARTHUR AU” IN YOUR REPLY TO THIS POST AND I IMMEDIATELY SMASHED MY NOVEL INTO MY FAVORITE MOVIE AND NOW WE ARE HERE.

Brenneth! Is! Arthur! Not a discussion! Obviously! Come on, people!

She’s set adrift on the river after the murder of her parents, and her boat washes up on the poorest sector of the Londinium docks, where she’s found and taken in by a profoundly broke blacksmith who rents his shop from the same building as the local brothel. Brenneth’s story of where she came from is basically “My name’s Brenneth, my mom and dad were murdered” and like, there’s a lot of that going around, so the blacksmith gives her a pat on the head and she grows up getting into trouble with his daughter.

Officially speaking, Brenneth takes over the smithy after the blacksmith dies of a fever when she’s sixteen, and his daughter runs her books and arranges most of their jobs. Unofficially speaking, Brenneth, the blacksmith’s daughter, and a handful of other teens/twenty-somethings start out by shaking down the occasional arrogant merchant. By the time Brenneth is twenty she’s running a protection game for most of their district–she’s the person to contact if the Blacklegs are giving you trouble, and honestly God save the couple of stupidly cocky SOBs who try to move in on her turf because, well, what’s a teenage girl going to do to stop them? When the movie starts, she’s twenty-four and honestly pretty happy with her life. Like, fuck the king, etc etc, but she takes good care of her people, no one dares to lay a malicious finger on the girls in the brothel, and the tax collectors haven’t arrested anyone in the poorest district of Londinium in three years. Brenneth’s okay with the way things are. She shook down a Viking this morning. She’s happy.

Crispin is…complicated. Crispin is the Mage, obviously, complete with golden eagle familiar, but instead of being Merlin or Guinevere or whomever the fuck, the Mage is Mordred. Vortigern (I’m not actually using the appropriate book character because spoilers, okay) played a very clever game, slow but surely turned the king’s mage against all of Albion, and then–

It’s Brenneth that snaps him out of it. He’s never really seen much of her, children not being commonly allowed in his tower where they might accidentally shove a fistful of nightshade in their mouths. But he’s realizing, in a sudden flash of insight, that he’s been used, he’s been manipulated into launching an attack on Camelot so that Vortigern can kill the ruling family and take the throne. When Crispin finds Vortigern, ready to kill him in a rage, instead he finds a king turned to stone, and a creature made of fire and armor and shadow, and a little girl with cuts on her hands unconscious in a boat. Instead of doing a murder, Crispin throws lightning at the monster and uses the distraction of the flash to cut the rope holding the boat to the dock. Brenneth drifts down the river without ever knowing that her life was saved by the man who destroyed her home, and Crispin, for the first time in his life, runs away.

Brenneth is almost eleven by the time he finds her again. Too old to be taken away and raised as a king in hiding–because Albion must have a king, and Brenneth is the last survivor, and that makes her a king–but too young to take her birthright. Crispin wavers for a year. Then he casts the single most dangerous spell he’s ever done, and gambles his memories and his magic against his life, and when the spell is complete Crispin is twelve years old, and he proceeds to carefully insinuate himself into Brenneth’s life while his familiar watches over them from above.

He can’t leave her alone, is the thing. He’s so, so worried about her. He never uses magic on her, never uses magic on anyone unless Brenneth’s life is in immediate danger, but he becomes her best friend to protect her. Every hurt and trauma she’s ever survived is ultimately on him, and he can’t bear to leave her unprotected even if he never cared for Uther, so–

And she’s funny, and she’s sharp and clever and angry, and she swings a blacksmith’s hammer like a god of old, and she swings a sword like a hero of legend, and by the time Crispin realizes he’s gone and gotten genuinely attached to this girl, it’s way too late to do anything about it.

By the time the water recedes to reveal an old sword in a stone, and Vortigern starts dragging in women of the right age to test it, Crispin is physically twenty four, the same age as when he stopped getting older last time, and he’s gone and fallen in love with the Born King, and there’s not a goddamn thing he can do to save her from her fate.

When the Blacklegs drag Brenneth away, she doesn’t expect anything to come of it, but sure, whatever, she grabs the sword and gives it a yank and–

The group of people who stage a rescue at Brenneth’s execution is…stressed about working together, a little, and they look like this:

Crispin, ex-marauding warlord, ex-court sorcerer, Brenneth’s best friend of over a decade, extraordinarily powerful de-aged mage, and accomplished liar

Torei, ex-knight, ex-adviser to the king, ex-personal guard of the queen, mother of stubborn daughter, currently in hiding and delighted beyond belief at the prospect of murdering Vortigern’s ass

Krei, aforementioned stubborn daughter, would-be-knight, part-time street thug, full time voice of reason, who was sixteen when she bucked her mother’s orders to stay in hiding–she’s four years older than Brenneth–and went to find the lost princess and happened to show up within two months of Brenneth’s other self-appointed protector, with whom she has an occasionally tense relationship

Rada, ex-knight, current proprietor of the bathhouse in the poor sector of Londinium and local trainer-in-various-forms-of-combat for angry young blacksmiths with destinies about to bite them in the ass

Various other survivors of the old regime, mixed in with angry youngins who want to overturn the current regime

Unbeknownst to the others, Vortigern’s personal mage, a foreigner who rarely speaks, who spooked the Blacklegs’ horses and bought Brenneth thirty seconds to jump off a cliff

Brenneth spends an hour screaming herself hoarse at Crispin for lying to her while they ride back to the hideout, and then cold-shoulders him for the rest of the trip. Krei is smart enough to take Brenneth’s recriminating glare with a guilty look and no attempt to defend herself, but Crispin–Crispin is the one Brenneth is really ready to kill, especially once he confesses the whole ugly mess to her.

Then, of course, upon arriving at the hideout, someone tries to shoot him, and Brenneth starts her new career of shouting down attempts to denounce Crispin as a murderer.

After that, basically run canon, except that Shiko is Vortigern’s pet mage and manages to get a message to Crispin via her fox familiar begging them to free her and therefore they have a woman on the inside when they hit the citadel like the fist of God. It ends with Brenneth crowned King, and she knights Torei, Rada, and Krei with Excalibur before announcing Shiko as her new Court Sorcerer and Crispin as her consort. Also, she gets to terrorize some Vikings.

#legend of the sword #worldwalker #legend of the sword au #starlight writes stuff #original work #it's all under a cut because i'm too fuzzy to process whether it's too long to put up #also: spoilers for lots #probably this won't make sense unless you've seen it #anyway: brenneth as king arthor and crispin and mordred/merlin and krei as...kinda lancelot?#wait no #krei is totally galahad #nailed it #idk someday i'll write a more straight up and down king arthur au ramble for this #but the idea of having crispin be the one who destroyed camelot and enabled vortigern to take over: too good for me to pass up #ft brenneth's grasp of being king in this situation #which goes 'listen i say that you have to earn redemption however crispin has saved my life about eighty-five times'#'so when you reach that level of obvious diehard loyalty we can talk about you passing judgement on him'#did you save the king's life eighty-five times? no? then you can't bitch about her boyfriend #also in the movie of this au there's a scene during the final battle of the knights fighting their way inside #and shiko sees someone about to shook krei in the back and kills them stone cold before they can release the arrow #and krei falls instantly and catastrophically in love with this murder mage who salutes her from a battlement #and suddenly understands both brenneth and crispin better than she really wanted to #also poor brenneth in this au half of everyone she knows hunted her down because she's the born king #that's kind of the emotional throughline of the movie--instead of brenneth being unwilling to take up the role of leader #brenneth is perfectly willing to take up the role of leader even if she's not thrilled with the idea of ruling as king #but she has a bit of a journey to get to trust folks again #(crispin's sister rita who never appears in the book is the lady of the lake)#idiot teenagers with a queue #aethersea #asked and answered

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queenofmoons67 · 6 years

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We Are All Immortal (If Only in the Stories)

Summary: Merlin actually /was/ Tréville's tutor and /did/ teach him Gaius's eyebrow-language, like Lancelot/Aramis suspected in "The Road (Has Got No End)".

Notes: This is a kind of prequel and sequel to my story “The Road (Has Got No End)”, and it is dedicated to Captain Treville of the King’s Musketeers.

And this story did exist before my blog, so yes, I stole my own title for it’s name. :)

Jean-Armand du Peyrer, the future Comte de Troisville, was only a young boy when he first met Monsieur Arzhur.* Though he protested the idea profusely, the man was to be his teacher, keeping him inside and away from the sun and animals, to learn arithmetic and languages “like every good noble boy,” his father said. At first glance, Jean-Armand decided to dislike Monsieur Arzhur, for his pale skin and skinny frame spoke of hours inside. At second glance, Jean-Armand decided to give him a chance, if only for the laughter lines around his blue eyes and his mischief-filled unruly black hair. But when he spoke, Jean-Armand decided he must like Monsieur Arzhur, for his voice was filled of mystic wonder as he told tales of knights and dragons and warlocks in a kingdom lost to the ages.

By the third day, Monsieur Arzhur had convinced Jean-Armand’s father to let them hold classes in the yard. By the fourth, the future Comte had extracted a promise from his teacher to have a class devoted entirely to eyebrow raising, and by the end of the week, Jean-Armand happily declared that Monsieur Arzhur was his new best friend, to which the man smiled sadly and ruffled his hair.

It took a month for Jean-Armand to realize Monsieur Arzhur could draw, and even so, he only discovered the secret after stumbling upon the man under a large oak tree next to the stables. However, it took little prompting for various portraits to be pulled out of a portfolio and shared. The next time the teacher told stories, Jean-Armand had faces to match to the names - King Arthur and Queen Guinevere, the Knights of the Round Table: Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan; the court physician Gaius, the Great Dragon Kilgharrah, the witch Morgana and the druid Sir Mordred. The only one Monsier Arzhur never drew was the warlock Merlin, and after a sad frown the first time Jean-Armand broached the subject, he never asked again.

Four years passed in this way - Monsieur Arzhur teaching Jean-Armand everything he possibly might need in life, though the future Comte argued the only three things he really needed were how to raise only one eyebrow in a variety of fashions, the stories of Camelot, and the faces to match the names. The current Comte disagreed, and so Monsier Arzhur was fired and a new teacher hired. Though Jean-Armand protested this even more profusely than he had the original hiring, and with much more grace and talent, he failed yet again.

Jean-Armand du Peyrer, the future Comte de Troisville, never saw Monsieur Arzhur again. He did, however, keep a copy of the portraits, to keep his first teacher and his stories close to him forever. And so, when investigating a potential King’s Musketeer, he was astonished to find he recognized René d’Aramitz as Lancelot of Camelot, Knight of the Round Table.

“Aramis?” He questioned, voice gruff at the reminder of his old friend, and wondering if he was seeing things.

“Who’s asking?” the man grunted. But no - Aramis’ chin seemed thinner under the goatee than Lancelot’s, hair longer, cheekbones sharper, countenance harder, but it was Lancelot.

“Tréville. Captain Tréville of the King’s Musketeers. I heard you’re the best of the best when it comes to sharpshooting.” But how? How could Lancelot possibly be alive again?

Aramis nodded, “Around here, yes. I’m good with a sword as well.”

Now, Tréville’s eyebrow rose of its own accord, while his eyes studied the stricken, pain-filled remembrance in the other’s eyes. “Modest, too.” The man before him was somehow both Aramis and Lancelot, had somehow known Monsieur Arzhur, for who else raised eyebrows like his old teacher did?

“What are you here for, Captain?” Tréville shook himself from his thoughts and memories and smiled.

“How would you like to be a musketeer?”

Captain Tréville obeyed orders from his king and sent musketeers to die.

Jean-Armand died a little inside.

Captain Tréville watched over his musketeers like a good captain should, and noted with interest as the Inseparables formed.

Jean-Armand watched with barely-hidden glee as Aramis built around him the new Round Table.

Captain Tréville wondered at Aramis’ mentally improved state.

Jean-Armand knew that Lancelot had spotted mischief-filled unruly black hair and blue eyes, and wondered how said hair was not yet gray.

Captain Tréville sent Athos, Porthos, d’Artagnan, and Aramis on a routine mission - escorting a family of visiting nobles distantly related to the king back to their home - and waited for them to return.

Jean-Armand was not prepared for when they did.

Athos, Porthos, d’Artagnan, and Aramis returned to the garrison safely, but with a familiar face seated before Aramis on his horse. “Monsieur Arzhur?” Jean-Armand called out in disbelief. How… this wasn’t possible. His old teacher could not ride into the musketeer garrison, not looking a day older than when he left Troisville. If he didn’t know better, Tréville would say he himself was older than Monsieur Arzhur!

Aramis looked at the former teacher, then at his captain, and back again in surprise, obviously at a loss. “Who?” he eventually said, and Captain Tréville sighed.

“All five of you, my office, now,” he ordered, and turned around without checking to see if they were obeying.

A few minutes later, Tréville looked up from his paperwork to find the five men standing awkwardly before him.

There was a pause, and then - “Jean-Armand,” his old teacher greeted, smiling hesitantly. “It’s good to see you again.”

Tréville smiled back. “You too, Monsieur Arzhur. Or should I call you Merlin?”

Merlin gaped. “What - how - I don’t understand.”

“You and me both,” Aramis muttered.

Athos, Porthos, and d’Artagnan stood together in the corner, quietly observing and wondering at the events of the day.

“It was impossible to miss the resemblance between Aramis and your portrait of Lancelot,” Tréville explained. “And you never did draw me a picture of Merlin. I’m not claiming to understand how you stand before still as young as you once were, or how Lancelot became Aramis, but it wasn’t hard to figure out they were one and the same, or that you were Merlin.”

Monsieur Arzhur nodded slowly, then explained, “I’m an immortal warlock. Lancelot was resurrected.” Glancing at Aramis, he added, “Lancelot, I was Jean-Armand’s tutor when he was just a boy. I may have filled his head with tales of Camelot.”

“And eyebrows,” Aramis grumbled. Tréville’s and Merlin’s eyebrows both rose in spectacular symmetry, and he explained, “From the moment I met Captain Tréville, I’ve wondered if Gaius taught him how to speak with his eyebrows. Now it turns out that Gaius taught you, and you taught Captain Tréville.” The eyebrows settled as Merlin and Jean-Armand nodded in understanding, and Aramis groaned. “I’m going to go take a nap away from the two Gaiuses.” And with that, he left, three laughing musketeers following him.

Merlin, however, hesitated - he’d promised himself not to leave Lancelot’s side for hours, if not days, and he knew Lancelot had made the same promise. However, he could see questions in Jean-Armand’s eyes, and if the man was anything like the boy he’d once been, Merlin knew the captain wouldn’t sleep until he had answers. Jean-Armand, however, shook his head at Monsieur Arzhur. His questions could wait until morning; if the decades since he’d seen his tutor seemed long to him, he knew the centuries were even worse for Monsieur Arzhur and Aramis. And as he saw the smile light up the other man’s face as he quickly turned to follow his musketeers out the door, Captain Tréville of the King’s Musketeers, future Minister of War for France, knew he had made the right choice.

*Arzhur is the form of “Arthur” used in French speaking countries.

#the musketeers #musketeers fic #captain treville #merlin fanfiction #merlin #merlin fic #in which aramis is lancelot #lancelot #aramis #my fic #mine #fanfic

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glatisants · 4 years

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Albion: The Legend of Arthur (Closing Thoughts)

I’m gonna start with some really general, spoiler-free notes on what I liked, what did and didn’t work, the characterization choices, and that kind of thing. Further down will a more specific discussion of the story and writing decisions and such, and that will get into more spoilery territory.

also before I get into my subjective opinions about the series, I want to say that this should be taken with a tremendous grain of salt, given that

I am probably not the best person to ask for lit recs in general, given that my favorite piece of Arthurian lit is unironically, wholeheartedly The Dream of Rhonabwy;

My standards for audio media are probably lower than most people’s—I used to listen to 1940s radio for fun and that has absolutely numbed my palate;

I’m a little biased, in that I think Owain/Ywain is sort of underrepresented in Arthurian media, and as such I get irrationally excited whenever he’s included as a character in anything, however loose that characterization may be (my caveat, though, is that I strongly dislike the real historical Owain mab Urien; I want a cool Owain/Ywain who is also very obviously fictional).

***

All in all, I liked it, but I’m not sure I liked it as an Arthurian adaptation. Something like this is kind of a departure for me—honestly, I’m not usually a fan of Arthurian adaptations that do away with the Round Table and make Arthur a 5th century warlord. Legendry, and particularly Arthurian legends, can be this very odd thing, in that it lies in this liminal space between pure mythology and, like, history fanfiction, and honestly that makes me very uncomfortable.

I get the sense that the writers’ main sources were mainly “chronicle”-type things and Welsh bardic poetry—things like Nennius, Aneirin, Taliesin, Geoffrey of Monmouth, maybe Layamon’s Brut, and possibly the Welsh Triads and the Mabinogion. When certain familiar narrative elements are stripped away—no Round Table, no Grail, no courtly love—it can be difficult to reconcile that with more traditional takes on Arthuriana. Still, it’s not like I’m an expert on adaptational integrity, and I know modern authors do weirder takes all the time. And some things—such as the sword in the stone, and the idea of a Round Table—are hinted at in a way that are tailored to the more “grounded” nature of the story, while still capturing the ideas that live behind the symbols. And magic and fantasy do enter the story, in a deeply satisfying way, even as the story is largely focused on politics and warfare.

The gritty, “realistic” setting of Dark Ages Wales can be a dealbreaker for some people; honestly, I’ve felt that way before. I did appreciate it wasn’t overly violent, and there wasn’t any rape/sexual assault—there is one scene where a character is implicitly threatened by a group of Picts (but to put it mildly, things turn out well for her), and in the final episode one character is almost forced into an unwanted political marriage, but those are the only moments I can think of. And the series as a whole ended up being more optimistic than I thought it would be. The main themes are that hope is a beacon that lights the way into the future, and that stories are powerful and immortal (a bit cheesy, perhaps, but I love that sort of thing).

Characterization Notes

Gwenhwyvar—I absolutely loved this take on Gwen; something about the way she was written just hit perfectly for me. She was incredibly clever, perceptive, and protective of her people above all else; she was serious, astute and pragmatic, but also kind and gracious. She commanded an army, and yet always approached conflicts with the priority of peace.

I’m not usually a fan of Warrior Princess Gwen because it can remove a lot of the subtlety of her character, but that problem didn’t come up here; they make a point of showing how she’s underestimated by her peers and uses this fact to her advantage in order to wield her power discreetly. But when she met for political negotiations with councils of men, they always spoke as equals, with nothing but respect for her.

Arthur—Honestly, he fell flat for me compared to the other characters, and I felt like I couldn’t get a good sense of him. Arthur can be a tricky character to write, because there’s this inherent need to make him stand out as a heroic figure, and that usually entails either seeing him eye to eye or elevating him to great heights; either he’s written as someone someone people can emotionally connect to and see in a personable way, or he is extraordinarily capable and thus untouchable. Here, I think that the pathos was largely found in characters like Anna and Owain, and that untouchable capability in Gwenhwyvar, and it seemed perfectly natural that the focus would move away from Arthur and towards them as the series progressed.

Honestly this might have been intentional—one of the points we’re left with by the end is the idea that Arthur grew to be far more than he ever could have realistically been, and that the hope he inspired was the reason he lived on in the stories, rather than who he might have been as a person.

Medraut—I found him a bit underdeveloped, and that was a shame—I really wish we’d gotten to see more of him. There were some mentions of his past friendship with Arthur, but that tension was hardly felt until they finally met in battle; I think there could have been a lot of potential there, and besides, he was a fun character. He was charismatic and affable, manipulative and petty, stuck on nursing old grudges; but he was also without friends, family or country, completely alienated and digging himself into a deeper ditch with every move he made.

Owain—Genuinely uncertain how I feel about this characterization! He was intelligent, good-hearted, courageous, caring, and thoughtful; he was extremely likable, and I found that…a bit odd, honestly. I can’t really articulate my thoughts further than that.

Others: Myrddin—this is the only take on Merlin I’ve ever genuinely liked. He’s such a nuisance and just beautifully weird. Aergol—I found him really interesting, and I was actually a little surprised by how much he grew on me by the end. Cynon—I found him such a tragic, miserable character, equal parts contemptible and heartbreaking.

Room For Improvement

The pacing mostly fine, but a little bit odd in places—I felt like the final act could have used a bit more buildup.

Audio coherence could’ve been better during some of the action scenes—there were definitely a few parts where I was not totally sure what was supposed to be happening. Most of the time it didn’t bother me, but when it’s something like Arthur facing off against Medraut, that should be a dramatic high point, and I want focus and clarity; otherwise, whatever is trying to be conveyed will inevitably come across as anticlimactic.

I might’ve liked to see music used in more interesting ways, bc it can be really integral to effective sound design. There were a couple scenes where it was used really well (the leadup to the Battle of Badon, for instance), and I would’ve loved more of that.

I don’t know if this was supposed to be an intentional choice, but I could not take the Saxon characters seriously at all—they were performed in such an over-the-top way that they made me laugh more than anything else. The other characters were portrayed very well, I found the voice acting quite strong, so the sheer oddness of the Saxons stood out to me.

***

Okay spoilers below

I was all about Anna’s storyline and I think it was one of the strongest parts of the series. I loved the idea of this woman, killed unjustly for fiercely clinging to her ideals in spite of tremendous pressure, finding strength in her fallen ancestors and rising again as a powerful enchantress determined to seek revenge. It felt right for her, totally cathartic, and I was glad that she was treated so sympathetically.

I tried not to think about it too deeply, but I think I saw her as sort of a Morgan/Morgause composite; obviously the name Anna is associated with Morgause, and she’s linked with Lewdwn (aka Lot) of Gododdin, but her transformation to enchantress led her to call herself Morgan.

It was pretty clear that Owain had feelings for Arthur, but I sort of wish it was a little less implicit (fyi for people who haven’t read the other recaps, they’re the same age and not related in this). Like, I guess they were involved in a major plot point that was a pretty clear allusion to Achilles and Patroclus, and other characters kept mentioning rumors about them, but the most direct reference we got was Arthur confessing to Gwen that they had been together briefly when they were kids, and while Arthur never loved him, he had never thought to ask Owain how he felt. By the end, you kind of get the sense that Owain’s main motivation all along has been this love/loyalty, but it’s done in such a subtle way it leaves a lot of room for interpretation, and the fact that there was so much in their dynamic that went unspoken just exacerbates that.

I wasn’t sure how to read the ending and especially the final line. What I’m going with—just my personal interpretation—is that both Anna and Owain are stuck somewhere between life and death, possibly in a literal way as well as a figurative one. One of the recurring themes is, like, legendry as a means of resurrection and even immortality; legends are a place between life and death, where the dead are made immortal to walk among the living. So by the end, both of them have come to see firsthand how legends are made, and have become people tied to the liminal space of legendry, and thus belong to neither world.

I say this could be in a literal way as well as a figurative one bc Anna was given new life both through a physical transformation and the stories people would tell about her, and possibly some combination of both. And I think this could apply to Owain as well—maybe when he chose to take on the mantle of Arthur, he and his bronze sword somehow joined that part of the Otherworld with Anna and Merlin, and he became the proverbial King Asleep in the Mountain. But that might be a bit of a stretch.

***

That’s all I have to say about this. I think the combined word count of all these posts could be a full-fledged novella, so thank you for your patience and for reading!

#honestly i just needed to get this out of my head and i'm dumping it here #if anyone actually reads all of this i will be genuinely shocked #albion the legend of arthur

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kingsman-bigbang · 7 years

Text

Kingsman BigBang [2017 Masterlist]

of flowers and fireflies Author: elletromil & insanereddragon Artist: anarchycox Pairing(s)/Characters: Merwin; Harry Hart, Merlin, Eggsy Unwin, Daisy, Michelle Unwin, Original Female Character Rating: E Word Count: 43882 Warnings: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death Summary:

“You’re trying to tell me that you’re my dog?”

“Well, yes. Though I’d rather you say familiar if you don’t mind.”

“That’s… That’s impossible. The spell didn’t work.”

–

Eggsy is a familiar. For many human lifetimes, familiars live waiting for a call from one of the populations magic users. During their time of waiting, they seek out magical sanctuaries for their kind. Eggsy and Lee are on their way to one such place when tragedy strikes, and only Eggsy makes it to his new home at the Hart estate sanctuary.

Merlin is a magic user. After the death of his family, Merlin is taken in by the Hart family on their estate. It’s there, growing up beside Harry, that he first learns of his magical abilities and struggles with growing up without the support of a magical family.

Even though their paths cross while growing up on the estate, it isn’t until many years later when Merlin performs a summoning for a familiar that they connect. A friendship grows to something more while the two learn to navigate their newly formed bond.

Art Link: link Fic Link: link

Whatever Is, Is Good Author: Deepdarkwaters Artist: Paxdracona Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry/Merlin, pre-Harry/Merlin/Eggsy, Harry, Merlin, Eggsy, Mr Pickle Rating: E Word Count: 22123 Warnings: None (unless you want to avoid Harry/Merlin/Eggsy, in which case this should be safe to read but please avoid the sequel when that happens!) Summary: Harry Hart should not be allowed within fifty feet of tiny runty puppies because he loses all reason. When he finds an abandoned teacup schnauzer searching for food in the bins, he immediately decides he’s going to be its mother and brings it home to love forever. Obviously he doesn’t stop to consider the fact that he’s out of the country more often than not so all the actual looking after is going to fall on Merlin, who has a deep disdain for people who make their dogs wear clothes and thinks anything smaller than a wolfhound is basically a pointless rodent.Meanwhile, Eggsy is floundering on probation after grassing up Dean and his thugs in return for escaping jail time for his part in all their previous criminal activity. Life is looking pretty bleak, no money and no prospects - until he meets a ridiculous eccentric couple and their amazing little dog, and is hired as its nanny.Contains deeply inappropriate use of the phrases “good boy”, “bad boy”, and “where’s your squeaky balls?”Art Link: Paxdracona’s tumblr Fic Link: Whatever Is, Is Good

Galahad and Mr. Unwin Author: missbecky Artist: harryfuckinhart Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin. Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, Merlin, Chester King Rating: Gen Word Count: 29,624 Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence Summary: When a mission goes tits up, Harry is forced to hand over sensitive data to a random civilian in order to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Unfortunately he also happens to be very attracted to the young man in question. And then he learns the man’s identity – and suddenly Harry’s life will never be the same again. Art Link: harryfuckinhart’s Tumblr page Fic Link: Galahad and Mr. Unwin

As Time Moves On Author: AnnaofAza Artist: Liprouvaire Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry/Eggsy; Eggsy, Harry, Michelle, Daisy, Roxy, Merlin Rating: T Word Count: 28269 Warnings: past domestic abuse, PTSD Summary: Michelle and Harry haven’t met since eighteen years ago, but after V-Day, they’re forced to come together when the one that they love is hurt. Art Link: liprouvaire’s tumblr page Fic Link: As Time Moves On

so this is magic (in a young boy’s heart) Author: blackbeyond Artist: @roman-kun Pairing(s)/Characters: Hartwin; Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, Merlin, Roxy Morton, Charlie Hesketh, James (Lancelot), Alastair (Percival), Canon Harry Potter Character Cameos Rating: T Word Count: 10207 Warnings: Implied Abuse from Dean, Mild Language Summary: When Eggsy gets a letter in the mail, he doesn’t expect it to change his life. After a particularly rough introduction into the Wizarding World, Eggsy finds his world thrown upside down when he meets Roxy, Charlie, and (of course) Harry. There’s the typical struggles of trying to fit in in a brand new world as a naive and inexperienced eleven-year-old, not to mention his crush on Roxy’s cousin, Harry. No, seriously, don’t mention it.Eggsy’s pretty sure he can survive the next seven years, especially since he knows he has all the support in the world from his friends and family. He can do big things, maybe change the world. But first, Potions homework. Art Link: roman-kun’s Tumblr Fic Link: AO3 Link

Adapt and Transform Author: eatingmoonflowers Artist: sarah-the-artiste Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin. Harry, Eggsy, Merlin, Roxy, Charlie, Daisy. Rating: T Word Count: 12889 Warnings: Very mild violence, canon typical language Summary: Harry and Eggsy have been seeing each other for almost a year, have recently moved in together, and are enjoying their own little bubble of domestic bliss. But between the old broom in the cupboard, feathers on the carpet, and the hidden safe in the wall, things are clearly not all they appear to be. In which each is keeping a monumental secret from the other, and things are beginning to slip through the cracks. Art Link: link Fic Link: link

Sorry for the Inconvenience Author: esmerod Artist: zombiisheep Pairing(s)/Characters: Hartwin, Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, Merlin, Roxy, Tilde Rating: M Word Count: 9995 Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: It’s like he told Valentine, part of him always fancied being a colourful megalomaniac. Or the story how Harry solves Kingsman’s monetary problems by becoming a Bond villain and strapping Eggsy to contraptions. A comedy, kind of. Art Link: link Fic Link: link

By The Sword and Ring Author: thenerdyindividual Artist: bouncybrittonie Pairing(s)/Characters: Hartwin, Eggsy Unwin, Harry Hart, Merlin, Roxy Morton, Charlie Hesketh Rating: M Word Count: 48,407 Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: The last thing Eggsy expects upon being chased out of his village, is to wake up in a nomadic village. Soon he finds himself in a world of magic as he trains to be Lord Hart’s battle mage. With war brewing on the border, he is drawn inexorably closer to evil itself. Art Link: link Fic Link: link

I’m going to get there the only way I know Author: marginaliana Artist: solarrift Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry/Eggsy, Roxy, Merlin, Gazelle, Chester King Rating: Mature Word Count: 36,124 Warnings: canon-typical violence, unorthodox use of body parts but not in a sex way Summary: Outside the church in Kentucky, Harry realizes that the centers of aggression aren’t the only things that have awoken in his mind. The thing that’s fizzing in his veins isn’t anger. It’s power. Electric, vibrant. Magical. In another universe he might have died here. But in this universe, Harry ends up with a few more tricks up his sleeve. Valentine (literally) isn’t going to know what hit him. Art Link: cover page, page 1, page 2-3, page 4-5 Fic Link: I’m going to get there the only way I know

Death Came For Him and He Became Death Author: anarchycox Artist: port-wind-waves Pairing(s)/Characters: merlin/eggsy; merlin, eggsy, harry, chester, roxy, percival Rating: Teen and up Word Count: 21,390 Warnings: No warnings apply Summary: When Eggsy was a child, a man came and told him his Da was dead. He gave Eggsy a fob in case he ever needed a favour. Eggsy couldn’t figure out why his Mum never talked about the posh man. And one day he crashed a car and ended up in custody and called in that favour. And there was the posh man not looking like he aged a bit in 17 years, who had to explain a few things to Eggsy and decided to offer Eggsy a chance at a job.And Eggsy figured being a Grim Reaper sounded sort of interesting. What was he doing with his after life anyways? So now he is haunting an estate in the country, has a ghost puppy, a new best friend, and two men teaching him insane things, and he is learning that the universe is more unfathomable than he could have ever understood while alive.A retelling of Kingsman where instead of being spies they are all Grim Reapers. Art Link: 1 2 Fic Link: link

Once Upon An Avalon Author: TheSilverQueen Artist: Aomaoe Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin, Merlin/Roxy Morton, Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, Merlin, Chester King, Roxanne Morton, Lee Unwin, Michelle Unwin, Richmond Valentine, Gazelle Rating: T Word Count: 28435 Summary: In the beginning, there was Camelot and Excalibur and the Round Table and Arthur Pendragon, the High King. Galahad had been proud of who he was and who he fought for and what he represented, back then.Then came the Darkness, and the whole world changed. * * * * * * Alternate summary: What if Harry Hart and Chester King were the real Galahad and Arthur of old? Art Link: Here on Aomaoe’s tumblr Fic Link: Here on TheSilverQueen’s AO3

make like stars dying Author: futuredescending Artist: Sain Pairing(s)/Characters: Roxy Morton/Gazelle; Merlin, Eggsy Unwin, Percival Rating: M Word Count: 46278 Warnings: canon-typical violence, brief mentions of torture aftermath and implied non-con, minor character death Summary: The mission is supposed to be simple, a way to tie up loose ends in the aftermath of V-Day, but an unexpected complication puts Roxy at risk of being labelled a traitor by the very organisation to whom she’s sworn life, limb, and loyalty while forcing her to re-evaluate everything she’s ever known about herself. Art Link: link Fic Link: link

darling, so it goes Author: thatgirlwho/notbrogues Artist: meetingyourmaker Pairing(s)/Characters: Harry/Eggsy, Merlin, Roxy, Michelle, Kingsman Agents, OCs Rating: Mature Word Count: 88,584 Warnings: PTSD, alcoholism, depictions of violence, human trafficking, past child abuse Summary: Eggsy never thought he’d get married. Or that he would even consider it. He thought, if he was really lucky, maybe he’d find someone to love him; like really love him. Something kind of like the love his mum and dad had. It’s love like that. And he feels he can’t accept anything less. Art link: meetingyourmaker’s post Fic link: Ao3 post

#hartwin #merwin #merhartwin #roxelle #kingsman #kbb2017 #post: masterlist

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merlinficreview · 7 years

Text

The Student Prince: Chapters 6-10 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 6

This chapter opens with Merlin bitching, “’I still can't believe I paid all that money for this stupid gown,’ muttered Merlin under his breath. Arthur reached over to clip him around the ear without breaking his stride, and Merlin ducked and avoided the blow reflexively, grinning.” I don’t blame him. I hated buying shit for school so much and let me tell you, as a nursing student, I had to buy A LOT. Also, wtf at that reaction, Arthur? Your poor friend is complaining about having to buy ceremonial robes he’s going to wear once and your reaction is to assault him? What?

“’You didn't,’ said Arthur. ‘The St Andrews-Camelot Scholarship Fund did. Along with the Prince's Trust. Which is to say, me. So stop whining.’” My point still stands.

“’Oh, come on – we look like a load of Santa-flavoured drag queens,’ Merlin protested, glancing around at the flock of students in their thick, strawberry-bright robes who were making their way towards St Salvator's chapel for mass.” Uh. “Santa-flavoured,” has to be one of the oddest descriptions ever. Why flavored? What does Santa taste like? Probably the souls of small children with the stench of cookie-binge guilt. Is Merlin licking these robes to know what flavor they are? So many questions.

So I’m not 100% sure what’s even going on with this scene because it mentions them walking to mass in these robes but they walk like 10 miles and there’s a cliff, so I have no idea what to picture.

“It's a stupid tradition. We walk all the way to the harbour, walk down to the end of the pier, climb up onto the second level, where there's no guard rail and the waves are crashing madly into the stonework, and walk back to the start of the pier – only this time we're walking on something the width of a cream cracker, like bloody tight-rope-walkers. With no guard rail.” Well that seems completely safe and not at all something the school has probably been sued for multiple times or anything when half their student body tumbles off the pier and dies. What even is the point? It’s a tradition. OK? Of what? Survival of the fittest?

“’Only for a few yards, then there's a whole lot of teeny tiny thin pathway twenty feet up above the stone and fifty feet up above the sea, and no guard rail.’ Gwen snorted. ‘Chicken.’ ‘I'm just saying it's completely pointless!’” Merlin is the only sane person around, damn.

“’Oh, shut up and tell me what colour underwear Prince Arthur's wearing, so I can imagine tearing it off with my teeth,’ she muttered into his ear, and he made an outraged noise.” Stop it, Gwen.

Merlin starts asking Gwen about Lance and when she’s going to hook with up with him and she’s so stupidly oblivious about it it’s embarrassing AND annoying. “’He's a nice guy,’ said Merlin, nudging Gwen. ‘So, are you playing hard to get, or what?’ ‘What?’ she stared up at him blankly. Merlin pulled a face. ‘Well - Lance, of course,’ he said, tilting his head and searching her eyes for signs of sarcasm. ‘He's potty about you. Obviously.’ Gwen laughed. ‘Oh, don't be daft!’ she said, punching his arm. ‘He's just being friendly! He's practically a monk!’”

Merlin tries to explain to his poor dim friend that Lance is into her, “’Don't, Merlin,’ she said, looking at him unhappily. ‘Please don't.’ He frowned. ‘But – I don't get it.’ He glanced over at Lance again, and sure enough the guy was gazing back at Gwen with his heart in his eyes. ‘What do you want, interpretive dance? Semaphore?’ ‘Well, asking me out on a date would be a great start,’ she said, tartly. ‘You know, something subtle and understated like that. But that's not going to happen, because blokes like him don't date girls like me, they date girls like Angelina Jolie.’ She swallowed. ‘Or Elaine.’ Merlin gaped. ‘Are you pulling my leg?’ ‘I wish you wouldn't do this,’ she said, looking away. ‘Can we talk about something else?’” Even though she’s dumb, I do have to agree with her, “Well, asking me out in a date would be a great start,” point.

Merlin randomly has a tantrum about being poor and hating all the rich people around him. Ok, Merlin. Do you, I guess.

Gwen tells Merlin the clubs she’s joined, “Tunnocks Caramel Wafer Appreciation Society, Rock Soc, Film Club, Wine Tasting, Canoeing, The Mountaineering Club and Touch Rugby," she recited, counting them off on her fingers.” I really just wanted to point out Tunnocks Caramel Wafer Appreciation Society. What? Is this a club dedicated to loving a specific type of cookie? Can we also appreciate how random all these are? None of them are even remotely related to each other. Spread your horizons, I guess, Gwen. I mean, she’ll have the time once she realizes her school doesn’t offer the program she wants to major in. Gwen has also joined Lance’s Professional Knight in Shining Armor group, but it’s a secret so she tells Merlin not to tell anyone.

Then Sophia starts making her way down the sketchy cliff ladder and her skirts start blowing away in the wind. Men are gross and make gross comments, etc., etc. Gawain says that she’s looking over at Arthur. “’What do you mean, in there? His Royal Hotness is in everywhere,’ said Kay, sounding petulant. ‘There's not a single female in this city between the ages of fifteen and a hundred and five that he couldn't have just for snapping his fingers, the jammy bugger.’” Just putting this quote in here because I fucking hate it when men refer to women as, “females.”

So Sophia falls off the Death Trap Ladder. Surprise, surprise, and Merlin stops time to save her. Merlin decides to make her weightless so he can catch her. He starts time again and she lands in his arms just as Arthur runs into them and they all fall down. As per usual, Arthur gets all the credit for Merlin saving someone. At least Arthur is not happy about it.

Merlin is suspicious that Sophia threw herself off the ladder on purpose. Gwen gets pissed because she’s stupid but Morgana and Morgause agree.

Chapter 7

Merlin has reached Arthur’s car and Sophia is protesting getting in. Not at all suspicious. “’I'm allergic,’ Sophia said, her eyes darting around the circle as if seeking a way out, wide eyed and trembling like a cornered rabbit. ‘To cars?’ said Kay, his incredulity clear in his voice. ‘No! To – uh – to air freshener,’ she said, pointing at the little green fir tree swinging from the rear view mirror. ‘I get a terrible reaction – it could send me into anaphylactic shock. Please don't make me.’” This made me laugh. What a terrible lie.

Merlin straight up asks her why she’s being so sketch, “’No,’ she said in her sweet, clear voice, burrowing closer into Gwen's arms. ‘There is nothing else I should tell you.’ She swallowed, and then said: ‘But I hate cars. They make me feel – trapped.’ ‘You're claustrophobic?’ said Gwen, sounding startled. ‘I had no idea! She frowned. ‘Okay, but – come on, Soph. You must have come to St Andrews by car, or by bus, because there's no train station, and you're not going to tell me you sailed in, or flew in!’” Wait… didn’t Merlin and Gwen get there by train?

Gwen, Lance and Sophia get in Arthur’s car and leave. Arthur doesn’t go with them which makes me laugh. Kay is a super asshole about women. No one is surprised. “‘Well, at least I get laid. Emrys is a pathetic little horndog who's just hoping for a pity fuck if he pretends to be a Sensitive New Age Guy,’ said Kay. ‘It's pitiful. Carpe the fucking diem, Emrys.’”

Honestly, what the fuck?

Arthur tells them that Merlin is gay, which shocks Merlin because he didn’t think Arthur knew about it. And also, what the fuck are you doing, Arthur? Don’t fucking out people like that. Kay continues to be the absolute worst, “An expression of distaste curled his lip. ‘My point stands, though – you can't be friends with people you want to fuck. So if he's an uphill gardener, he can't be friends with us.’”

I feel like we need to have another conversation about friends and how they reflect on you. I mentioned this in a previous review but whatever. Your friends are a reflection of who you are as a person. Arthur is friends with Kay who is obviously a sexist, entitled, homophobic asshole. You cannot be friends with that type of person without it saying something about you as a person and if I were Merlin, I would stay the fuck away from all of them.

“’I wouldn't want to fuck you if you had a ten inch knob made of solid gold and your arsehole was the gate to Nirvana, you massive pillock,’ said Merlin, red faced and furious. ‘I can't be friends with you because you're a gibbering twatwaffle, not because I would ever, in a million years, want to shag you. Get over yourself!’”

Tell him, Merlin!

Arthur tells Merlin that Sophia is beautiful and asks whether Merlin thinks he should send Sophia flowers or deliver them himself.

Chapter 8

Arthur wakes up at 6am to go running.

Weirdo.

When Merlin’s alarm goes off, it’s to “My Heart Will Go On,” which Arthur changed it to. Sure.

Merlin goes to visit Gaius and has a quick chat with the dragon about Sophia, asking him what she is. Of course the dragon gives him some nonsensical answer.

Anyways, Gaius and Merlin talk about Merlin’s high class fancy friends and Gaius mentions Morgause hating the royal family but liking Morgana. “Morgana is her cousin – oh, don't make me recount all this ancient history, Merlin. The intricacies of who hates whom and why are enough to make me tear out what remains of my hair and move to China. Suffice it to say that Morgause is loyal to a fault to Morgana, and tolerates Arthur, but she has - very marked opinions about the King.” Which is an odd thing to say because it was previously implied that Morgana and Morgause were kind of a thing. European Royalty, man.

Merlin is super impressive with his amazing magic skills so Gaius has to rewrite all their lesson plans for the whole year. Which is his own fault because Merlin’s previous teacher told Gaius how good Merlin was and Gaius didn’t believe her. Merlin sort of tells Gaius about the Sophia thing and Gaius gives Merlin some ideas about what she could be.

“Yes, Her Grace did mention something about mistrusting some young lady who went near Arthur. Although I have to say that having seen how much raw power you have at your command, I do find myself feeling rather reassured about the prince's safety. Of course the dragon's magic protects him when he's on the University grounds, but one can't limit his movements entirely.” Remember this for later. I have my reasons.

Then Gaius actually explains the whole dragon on the door thing, “’Ah – that picture on the doors is The Great Dragon.’ He pointed at his own red door with its gold painted dragon. ‘The last of the dragons. He lived and died millennia ago, but his spirit – his soul, if you will – is bound to the bones of the university. The stones of the School of Sorcery scattered across the globe are his living skeleton, in accordance with a mighty work of magic wrought during the Golden Age, and nobody can be attacked by magic within the bounds of the wyrm.’ Gaius sounded very much like he was quoting from some well-known text book that Merlin hadn't read.”

“…Either way, the buildings that hold the doors are all protected, so young Arthur is safe in most of the University buildings in St Andrews. We have rather a lot of dragon doors in that little town.” Remember this too. Reasons, etc.

So Merlin goes back to talking about Sophia and how she smelled like honeysuckle. This throws Gaius into quite a tizzy. “Gaius's face fell. ‘Oh dear,’ he said. ‘Oh. Oh dear me.’ ‘What?’ ‘I warned him! Don't do it, I said, but did he listen to me? Oh no, His Majesty always knows best. And now look where we are!’ ‘What?’ ‘You shouldn't go disturbing these things, I told him. We'll have to pay for it. And have I not had a crack team of fifteen wizards protecting the wretched man day and night ever since? So of course they'd go on to target his family – typical!’” You know what I fucking hate? When a character has to ask multiple fucking times for an explanation to something that the other character knows about. Just fucking tell him, damn. No need to go on and on and on about how you “told him so!” Good fucking job. So since I’m a nice fucking person, I’ll just tell you what happened. Uther stole from the fairies and they are pissed. No one is surprised, Uther is stupid, etc. End of story.

Then Gaius basically says, “LOL What a fiasco. Sophia is super dangerous, good luck with that, Merlin,” and offers him no help whatsoever. So Gaius is just as useless in this as in the show. Yup, I said it.

Merlin leaves and tries, unsuccessfully, to get the dragon to help him. “’How do you get rid of a fairy?’ he said. ‘I mean, I think she wants to kill Arthur, or maybe kidnap him or something – Gaius thinks she's out for revenge.’ ‘The Sidhe are immortal,’ said the dragon, studying its claws. ‘That's – not really the answer I was hoping for.’ ‘Such is life, young warlock.’” I hate these assholes.

Merlin asks why the dragon let himself be trapped in the walls or whatever. “The dragon tilted its head. ‘Because you promised that you would set me free,’ it said, and Merlin felt a chill run down his spine. ‘What?’ ‘When you bound me here. You promised that one day I would be free to fly again.’” You know, if you want Merlin to let you free, you might try being less of a major jackass and actually help him.

Just saying.

Chapter 9

Merlin decides the best approach to protecting Arthur is to stalk him. Not a great idea when half of Arthur’s friends are gross homophobes. “A quick glance around revealed plenty of pretty girls (and indeed not-so-pretty girls, and several boys, and at least one little lady old enough to be his grandmother who should definitely not have been looking at Arthur with such a frankly appreciative expression) casting languishing gazes in the prince's direction, but none of them looked like Gwen's roommate.” What is this elderly person doing on a college campus? Is she a professor? Is she lost? Someone better check on her.

“’Thought you might like to come for a coffee, or something,’ he added, randomly. ‘Looks like your pet chav has a little crush, Arthur,’ said Kay, with a curl of the lip. ‘Clearly he can't stand being parted from you for more than five minutes. He'll probably start dry-humping your leg in a minute.’”

See what I mean? What’s Arthur’s response? “’Give it a rest, Kay,’ said Arthur, frowning.” Oh, that’ll show him! It’s not like you’re the Prince of Wales or anything and can’t make him at least shut his fucking mouth around Merlin.

Then Merlin brings up Arthur invading his privacy, going through his things and changing his alarm without Merlin’s permission. “’I don't know why you tolerate him, Arthur,’ said Kay, rolling his eyes and setting off across the quad.”

Which… what? Someone push Kay in front of a fucking bus, honestly. Arthur is the one who fucked up here and Kay is blaming Merlin? Fuck you, Kay.

“’Oh – this is Leon, by the way. Leon – Merlin, my idiot roommate.’ Merlin nodded pleasantly at the latest Man In Black and tried not to feel insufficiently manly. ‘He was the one snoring when we left this morning.’ ‘I do not snore!’ said Merlin, scandalised. ‘Well then you did a very successful job of hiding some secret snorer in the bed with you.’” I’m only including this because it actually made me laugh out loud. Also, yay, Leon!

Later, Sophia and Gwen stop by Merlin and Arthur’s dorm. Sophia is clearly up to no good. “Merlin watched the two of them unhappily and felt a little shock of horror when he saw Arthur's eyes flash suddenly blood-red too. He really didn't need a book of magic or the advice of an immortal dragon to tell him that that was A Bad Thing.” First of all, duh. Second of all, oh look! Reasons has shown up! Remember how nothing could hurt Arthur while the dragon was around? What a liar.

The girls invite the boys out for a drink and Merlin is flipping his shit because the bar is not a building protected by the dragon to which I say: whatever, Merlin. She’s already put Arthur under a spell so I don’t know what you were expecting. She’s not going to whip out a machete and chop his head off in the middle of the bar. I would read that fic though.

At the bar, Gwen tells Merlin to stop being so obviously upset about Sophia and Arthur and she shockingly makes a good point when Merlin says he just doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, “’Oh,’ she said. ‘Well – right. But that happens, doesn't it? In life? And in relationships? I mean – it's all about sticking your neck out in the knowledge that some bastard might want to chop your head off, and just hoping and trusting that they won't.’”

“Fairy assassins who were immortal, and pissed off. And even if they weren't immortal, Merlin had never willingly killed so much as a spider, even when his mother was screaming and pointing and flapping her hands in misery. He'd always been more of a catch-the-spider-in-a-glass-and-set-it-free kind of guy. Progressing from that to even considering killing a living, breathing, thinking person – well, that wasn't a step that Merlin felt at all comfortable taking.” Clearly you’ve never seen your own BBC show, Merlin.

Merlin gets Sophia to go outside with him for a chat. She knows he’s a wizard and makes no secret of her desire to murder Arthur. I just feel like murder is a slight overreaction to some stolen gold, but you do you, Sidhe.

Merlin and Sophia make a deal and she gives him one day to give her the gold back. Then she basically tells him that he and everyone else are living in an endless cycle of reincarnation. Merlin is stupidly obtuse.

Chapter 10

Merlin goes to visit his BFF, Dragon MacUseless, “’Did you kill her?’ it asked, tilting its head and regarding him with dispassionate interest. ‘No!’ he exclaimed. ‘I'm not a murderer! I'm a physics student, for God's sakes! I don't go around killing people!’ The dragon yawned. ‘You used to be more pragmatic,’ it told him. ‘I expect you will be again.’” That’s what I said!

Merlin asks MacUseless if he should ask Nimueh or Gaius for help stealing the fairy gold, “’There is little enough love lost between Uther and Nimueh,’ the dragon said. ‘He blames her still for Igraine's death, while she holds him responsible in her turn.’ ‘Woah – come again?’ ‘Nimueh was part of the late queen's guard detail. She was supposed to keep Igraine safe. She failed.’” No pressure, Merlin!

“So the Royal Family do use wizard bodyguards, then? It's not just Morgana?” I don’t know why you’re acting like this is brand new information, Merlin. Gaius told you this was literally your job to Arthur.

The next scene takes place in the breakfast hall. AFTER Merlin has carried out stealing the gold. UGH. Major pet peeve alert, show us, don’t tell us!

Gaius confronts Merlin is the MOST infuriating way possible, “Stop! Stop right there – I really have no wish to hear you expound upon either Mathematics or Philosophy, Merlin. Just take the compliment, and let's leave it at that. You managed to keep the Prince of Wales safe and sound, but you did also give away a priceless treasure trove of ancient gold artifacts, and you made the King very cross indeed, and wore my patience very thin. So – you're not looking at life imprisonment in the Tower of London, but neither are you top of my list of favourite people right now. Don't push your luck by rambling on at me about Maths or Philosophy. And, Merlin?”

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? It’s not like you were willing to help him or give him other ideas. Get the fuck out of here with that absolute NONSENSE, Gaius.

Later, Gwen asks Merlin if he got rid of Sophia. Which, even though is technically true, is a ridiculous thing to blame him for given the information Gwen has about the situation. Gwen says it’s weird and I say, you now have your own room! Congrats!

“Gwen shook her head unhappily. ‘The Warden isn't worried – he said that she had to leave. Something about a family emergency, or something like that. He was weirdly hazy on the details, but he seemed completely calm about it all – like it's something that just happens.’” Ok, if the warden had already told you this, then why the fuck are you blaming Merlin? And yes, it is something that just happens. You can’t schedule your family emergencies during summer break, Gwen. Stop being stupid.

“And as if the mere presence of Arthur Pendragon, resolutely heterosexual star of at least half of Merlin's teenage wank fantasies, wasn't distraction enough, Merlin also found himself called upon, in the weeks after he'd successfully negotiated a peaceful settlement with the Sidhe's assassin of choice, to protect Arthur from an over-amorous Selkie, two vampires, a small flock of ghouls, a gargoyle, and the ghost of Patrick Hamilton, who had been martyred in front of Sallies Quad.” Remember how nothing bad could happen to Arthur at school? This is some like Dumbledore level of “protection.”

So that’s it for this post. It’s starting to pick up now that we’ve got the introductory chapters out of the way, which is good. I get annoyed every time I read this fic about how we don’t actually get to see Merlin’s great gold caper. I am also getting increasingly annoyed at Gwen’s stupidity. I get that the author was going for a, “both characters are oblivious for their attraction to each other/ will they won’t they,” sort of thing but sacrificing Gwen’s intelligence for it is not a good look. Gwen is also really obtuse about other things that it almost makes me think the author is making her stupid on purpose. I also hate Kay. So. Much. LOL at the dragon’s, worthless “protection.” He literally does nothing to help protect Arthur. Other than that, it’s been an enjoyable five chapters.

Until Next Time:

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fic #review #The Student Prince #Gwen and Lance are stupid #To the point where I just roll my eyes any time either of them opens their mouth #Especially Gwen #Dragon's protection is a lie #Gaius is worthless #Poor Merlin getting stuck with all these idiot assholes #Pray for Merlin #Where is Will #I know wrong fic but WIll needs to come and straighten out Kay

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