#wont tag this as anything since i dont think theres anything TO tag

[toh-tagteam-au]

Status Update and Warning of a Synopsis Drop

Gonna keep it a stack w yall fellas. I've written over 100 parts of this comic spanning all of the episodes (over 300 pages using 9 point font on google docs) and im realizing theres No Way I'm gonna be able to get my motivation to draw as much as I did for TT back when I first started, much less finish the thing. Much less actually GET to YBOS, which is when the canon deviance legit starts and the story gets way more interesting imo.

So here's what's going to happen:

I'm going to stop drawing the comic. As much as I really like the idea of finishing this particular scene, I know I'm not gonna be able to do it. I haven't updated consistently for months – this is the end of my line here.

BUT

I'm going to write the whole story in its own post WITH VISUALS. I'll explain what happens in every episode over the course of all the seasons, maybe even include some of my favorite visuals/boards when I was writing them. I'll also probs have some deleted concepts in a separate post (because damn I went through some rewrites when season 2b dropped). I'll consider dropping the script too, so you guys can see the actual lines I wrote for each part, but that's a big "if".

Don't get me wrong, I'll still be active (probably more active than I have been in the past few months LMAOOOO). I'm just shifting this AU story away from a comic medium and into a Tumblr AU medium, like how a lot of the TOH aus are at the moment. I want to tell this story and give you guys content, and if i have to do it without the art medium then I will.

I am so grateful you guys have stuck around. The compliments on this comic – my art, the story, literally everything – mean everything to me. I hope you guys like the Tag Team synopsis when I post it.

[nomairuins]

i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list

[forgetmenotsystem]

.

[trendfag]

holy shit i need to get my shit together

[skruttet]

hi !!! these drives have a load of deleted moomin fics !!! :) https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1S7VLcWR-OrsmIwwtHpY1zykQYFPLlvHh https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EDuL7ji1xa01MUbLxq2AAmDe44eGDQj5 you made a post a long time ago talking about different fanfics and youd given all the links so i was able to go down a rabbit hole of deleted moomin fic on the wayback machine and recover a load of fics, i also linked a drive i was dmed last year containting a lot of methdeatals fics like red thicket <3 A LOT of it in the first one is NSFW so i dont wanna post it on my blog lol, i heard people really wanted g0ryllamas works to be recovered so i basically just got everything i could, looking at the tags and summeries im gonna have to like wipe my whole computer after this lmao /j anyways since some of the deleted fics were in that post and u normally post obscure or hard to find moomin content i thought u would probably be the best person to send this too !!! wasnt sure weather to dm u or send u an ask, i dont mind if you make the drives public soo i thought an ask would probably be most convientent !!! feel free to just ignore this ask if u like u dont have to post it i just wanted to send u the fics since you know some of them :) i also have an insane moomin fic archive of hundreds of download files (the majority of it is snufmin) so if u or anyone else is looking for deleted fics u know the titles of i can see if i have them !!!! all the downloads r from i think 2021-2023ish so unforutantley anything deleted back in 2019 wont be on there </3 but might be on one of the drives i linked :D by the way, the files in the second drive are a little confusing, theres a bunch of ways to open them. if u have an apple device, you can easily open epub files in the default books app. you could also look up (any file type here) in any app store and download an app to open that specific filetype in. or u could look up free (insert file type) to pdf websites online and turn them into pdfs (or anything else) !! :)

whoa that's awesome! i don't read moomin fanfic anymore so i probably won't use these but i'll post this for others to see!

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

[iridescentpull]

Just a little disclaimer since theres been a bit of discussion:

While i do write ianthony fanfiction in a romantic way, i dont really ship ship it (if that makes sense). I know Anthony has Mykie, who i genuinely like, and Ian might have a partner. I dont believe theyre in love or together, it's all for fun. I'm not trying to prove anything.

I just find the dynamic and what they show us on camera nice and very cute. The things I write are from a fan to other fans. If they one day sat down and said 'we dont like fanfics about us in a shipping way' I would genuinely delete every piece of content i made, because i respect them so much and their boundaries.

If anything i write or post makes you uncomfortable, block the tags i use (especially ianthony rpf or smosh rpf)! Block me if you want! Curate your own internet experience! Other people wont do it for you! This is a fandom, there is a lot of content out there you'll find that you enjoy!

In the end Ian and Anthony are platonic soulmates, and i think thats more beautiful than anything.

[toestalucia]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

im easy...........and like too much.......personally ! i prefer akira with the older wizards, ive talked about being in those ship tags ummmm a lot<3 i cant narrow it down further......the twins are an exception but ive been over that in the past. atm i like emu with mafuyu, rui, nene & akito a lot :D theres def more (like honami i think would be cute! and i do like her with tsukasa too, but emu tsukasa besties....), but im like twice her age so i think about that stuff so rarely LOLLLL i thought hard about the rest of my muses but.......?????????? eight/machina....perhaps...........sofia/forte.......yeong/tara......(cagli teehee)

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

i lov drama. with gran it comes natural cuz welcome to ur 'assuming things w/out asking' and 'thinks way too much into the future where they dont want to settle down' captain. i think akiras the most tender of all of them? and most likely to actually bring up issues? sofia is fun because i think about the event where she Doesnt speak in opposites and micah ends up rly confused........being accepted with her weird speech patterns..... natsume too, either staying at the accepting his weird behavior (jumping, scared expression, running) or having the 'i can see youkai' convo....yknow.....its good...i know tanuma alrdy had a convo like that (UNREAL CONVO i miss it) but yknow. Overall ! anything. mostly. theres some 'ohhh angst' topics im not interested in, so i think most stuff stay on the more lighthearted/loving side tho

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

feel like a fraud everytime i say that i personally wont write akira with some of the 20yo's cuz im always close to deciding to make akira closer to 30. and then i say i like akira with figaro & oz......the ancient ppl......

are you selective when shipping?

rather than selective i just dont ask ppl........and i have no interest in making relationship calls nor liking them........i want to see where the writing goes first cuz i knoowwww i sometimes say gran would say x but then i write it and y happens yknow LOLLLLLL i'd be open to jumping into stuff on discord or something tho i think ? i think i could jump into romance stuff no problemo then cuz it'd feel slightly separated from here...?! cuz idk but theres something when i open this blog that i......its a very slowburn......if ure willing to spend some months writing so gran can become more accepting of the idea then its go go go. does this make sense. well either way im not sure tbh. grans a bit added difficulty too considering how i deal with their age LOLLL since cygames is pushing 15yo still. which gives me a headache seeing how the summer events etc are explicitly yearly.....i cannot write act3 gran as a teen, not when theres a political engagement with alliah like cmon....i refuse..........but since ure following this blog uve alrdy read this stuff in my rules/about LOL

either way akiras easier with romance. i just dont approach ppl about it. whenever i make that farmsim blog i wanna be more casual with this stuff tbh...T_^ for funsies............write some yearning...

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

not far at all. LMFAOOOOOOOO i use that tag very liberally. its unlikely im writing that stuff anyway....

does one have to ask to ship with you?

:DDDDDDDDDD if i ask u we've probably written for years & years && its starting to reach crush-territory anyway (hello kaitlyn) but man idk what it is....romance is just difficult to write on tomblr rn for me...gran does not make this easier. the issues r endless. can i offer u akira.

how often do you like to ship?

(person whos always in ship tags) (smiley face) (smiley face) (smiley face) can u get into mhyk for akira....or farmsims....................ill ship everything in there.....

are you multiship?

YAAAAAA the idea of having 1 ship on my blog doesnt excite me. even tho i dont write romance atm. LMFAOABKAJD

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

do u wanna hear about the akifi doujins ive read. or the akifau art where faust puts a flowercrown on akiras head.

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

THIS IS HOW DIANTHA/CLARISSE CAN STILL WIN. i am also a sabrina/leona fan. 'did they interact' no but they should. ppl who lost their husband(s). ppl who both should be AT THE CLUB. me/canaria. me/crystal

finally, how does one ship with you?

u like my posts & listen to my ramblings and i twirl my hair and send u more asks and then it just happens. foolproof.

tagged by: @convxction faty my beloved my everything u should do it for ur multi too.... tagging: @shiningstages kait i think u should do this for ur multi and ramble............

[thepowerisyouth]

MONEY / FINANCE STRESS CONTENT WARNING, this next line is unfortunately quite stressful about money so this was an important warning for me to add:

This is also less for the random strangers on the internet who have no reason to trust my advice but more for the 10-15 people I know personally who trust my money advice based on prior experience and Ive sent them my blog link in the last month or two

US stock market is about to tank. On a global perspective its stupidly overpriced because markets like China are hitting 5 year lows (as in we've increased our stock market over 2x since "COVID lows", but their market is even lower than it was then.

Timing is hard but it is entirely possible yesterday was the peak of the market. Might also not tank for 6 months.

Market psychology is fucking weird tho so please absolutely dont 'short' anything, which is basically the same as 'buying puts'. Michael Burry nearly bankrupted all his friends, family, and random investors by insisting on 'shorting' things based on knowledge of impending crisis.

Just sell everything. I mean literally everything. Bond etfs might go up but youd have to have eyes glued to the charts to sell in time. Gold wont do, neither will bitcoin. Their negative correlation to stocks isnt really a thing anymore.

Get every etf, stock, whatever into cash in the brokerage account, then move it out of the banks/brokerage firms and into something physically in front of you because we are, in fact, in another 'historical period of bank runs' its just not quite at the peak yet.

Not trying to increase anxiety beyond nessecary-- its just that any, single bank can immediately freeze your money-- leaving it up to the Federal Government to pay you back-- and it might possibly be the case that youd have to rely on whats called a "bank bail in" to see your savings again.

Not a fun situation to be in, even if it wont happen to most people its just safe practice to do this during a "historical period of bank runs"

----------------

This blog is basically my diary of my thoughts (suprise suprise). But Im an open book, privileged (but poor) little white boy with complex societal/generational abuse and very little home problems so lets fucking go theres a whole mormon cargo van to unpack

Definitely recommend tags Im terrible at them.

---

To those reading this, if you have ever met me in real-life or on the internet than you have taught me varying degrees of information which can be randomly retrieved by my brain at any time depending on current CPU performance. Thoughts of my loving husband have occupied my headspace probably 95% of my time since 14 so he has absolutely taught me at least 100x more than anyone else in the world.

When I say "I", oftentimes Im thinking about "me and my husband", or even sometimes "me and my friends/family", or even sometimes "me and society"--- but I am not always 100% aware of the current headspace environment and/or beliefs of the minds of those around me without feedback

---

There are currently over 8 billion individual varieties of the global human language spoken within the mind. Lets start translating them all. Misunderstood words become mean labels.

I fucking hate mean labels

"Math wiz" = racism and/or classism and/or gender shit. Fuck that shit

When a person is niched off into one part of an 8 billion population human society, it becomes impossible to not "live in a bubble". Bubbles change in size constantly even if not visibly observed. Bubbles can be different sizes depending on your current day-to-day thoughts of your own society. Bubbles must pop. Enlightenment implies life only gets better the more times ya pop and lock it

My path away from purely mathematics, logic, and scientific theory began when I met my husband, and for the first time in my life it became important to me not to be an asshole to everyone around me

Ive been told (only after I started dating my traumatized husband tho and helped him heal a lot) that I'm a natural communicator-- and all my life I found myself listening and learning to everything and everyone around me trying to understand both their and my own motivations-- then I like to garble them up and spit 'em out. My memory recall ability is wonky tho and fluctuates highly with nutrient intake-- I'll get into that later

I wish I could have a million years to read every blog on tumblr. I really do. Connecting & communating is extremely important for understanding one another but it takes time

I had an extremely unique childhood (who hasnt lol), enough so to isolate myself quite a lot through sheer dumb luck. My mom is also everyone's favorite school teacher so of course I was learning a lot from a young age. Luckily I glued myself to the first person who wanted to glue themselves to me equally & we grew exponentially closer to eternity

If its still not clear: my husband and I are bored and love chatting with people, but like most internet loving freaks my mouth don't work sometimes well but my fingies do. My ears got fluff a lot but I got eyes for LEDs like a hawk. Wish they werent LED tho

I also have a naturally short sleep cycle (i.e. extra time for this), and I really wont be offended or weirded out by someone reading through and liking 20+ or whatever of my posts at once randomly. Stories are supposed to be read in chunks, and I think of this blog as a story & also workspace for my thoughts that Id love to see which chapters everyone has read through. Also I love (and only respond positively to) positive feedback, yet also suggestions for ways to improve my "theorums". As in, good faith discussions are totally welcome on any post.

For my 50 year old parents reading my blog so lovingly in their limited evening time-- you can sort by tags to see what topics your familiar with, if you play around with the search function while on my page. Mom. Show dad how to do it

In the very, very bottom of my blog I dont even think I managed to tag shit properly-- but its the roughdraft workings of the philosophy, as well as my own logical framework for answering lifes questions. Its 2 months ago so I might not even be writing according to my own works down there anymore idk I change fast sometimes

Last thing for now here is that I was always criticized by teachers for not showing my work, and for not reviewing my tests before turning in, and I pushed back hard because nearly every time I went over and corrected a mistake-- I saw I most often got it right the first fucking time on a pure hunch. I act on impulse when I'm not meditating mostly for efficiency purposes because I believe I'm correct, but remain open to emotionally positive feedback so I can help remove all doubt.

-------

This might turn into my 'life story' post, as its already going there. Heres what I have so far in the way of my knowledge of my family before I was brought into existence, and my "earliest memories":

Family context:

I dont know jack shit. Nobody talks about it at all.

Here's my own observations Ive made using the framework and perceptive filters I was given--

My whole family is white Texans.

Ancestory is slaveowners of course, further back is a very likely direct parent-child descendent line from the most famous inbred british royalty of the 13th century i.e. King John, whose brother was the arab genociding Richard.

I would call my immediate family as upper poverty class. Its more like poverty with extra privileges cause mental health stigma was the only thing holding them back not other shit too.

As children we had a lot of very privileged opportunities because my parents made a lot of sacrifices to try and bring us back up the class ladder. Lets look into that generational trauma issue

My dads parents (born in the early 40s, dont know the year exactly. I think '43 or '44) were more upper middle class, pretty high income. Owned an insurance business that was very successful by the early 2000s at least. My grandpa is described to me as a "monster" and "violently abusive". I have a single memory of him screaming at me as a young child and I was cowering under a desk, so I really believe it. No other stories at all to provide context.

-- I gotta split this section off I realized I wrote the next thing about post-me context Ill need to move this part lower down later--

My grandpa got early onset dementia, my dad didnt notice in time, and my grandpa bankrupted his successful company and lost several million of dollars to "scammers and sexy ladies."

My dad found out around 2015-16 or so. He told me a little bit after telling me my grandparents were getting divorced. My dad managed to scrape together about $200,000 which is being sued for by the IRS actively.

(He split that money in two, and entrusted me tell him how to invest half in safe value stocks that I handpicked as well as a calculated risk allocation to bonds which we sold for 30% profit the second the market crashed. He gave the other half to a brokerage advisor. I never met the advisor but saw the results. Dont get me started on how the other dude did with that money-- we started this endeavor in January 2020.)

Personally I also dont believe that its possible to spend an entire fortune on scammers and strippers, so Id love to see his books and figure out what the hell went wrong with that asshole. I have a hunch I know something more than anyone else ("Enron", guys, we're talking about an insurance company in HOUSTON, in the 2000s) but I will never be sure without the books.

----

Back to other family--

I do not know a single thing about my grandma on my dads side. She raised me quite a lot, but yeah I literally have only heard her life described to me as "she was a housewife"

On my moms side, my Mimi (also born 1940s but slightly younger so I think 1946 or 1947) came from a divorced, upper middle class family. In 1964-65, She and her step mom both got knocked up the same year so she watched her divorced dad remarry to said step mom when she was 18-19 and getting a shotgun marriage herself, so you can imagine what that was like. The "biological" of the two moms was a very good mom and very queer from what I hear. She died when I was a baby, from lung cancer. Thats all I know. My mimi raised me quite a lot, nearly equally as much as my mom did

My mom's dad, my Papa, came from a rural farming family in East Texas. Dont know much else of anything, but he and his siblings were named "Billy, Bobby, and Betty". As in, they are what everyone likes to call "hicks"

--

Moving onto my direct parents now. I know a little more about them of course, but since we're getting closer in age to the present-- I think itll be easier to describe my understanding as common stereotypes. If its unclear what I mean definitely feel free to ask, but I'll probably say "I dont really know"

Not much else is relevant other than knowing that my moms family was the mormon one, but that as soon as my dad was love-bombed by the church he joined to. Mormons were also different in the 90s I'm told.

My dad struggled with being one of the "crazy schizos" of the 90s. As in, very traumatized, upset, and gaslit by the government and his parents. Must have done a damn good job dealing with it by the time he was in his late 20s and I popped out cause he was never a "bad dad" to me at all. Definitely yelled and was more angry at times, but less than any other friends parents Ive ever met, and from what I remember he came into my room at night and apologized to me literally every single time within like 5-10 minutes. I know pretty much nothing about him pre-me. He was a tradesman my whole life and specialized in remodeling kitchens & bathrooms (the 'dirty work of construction'). All his initial clientele were the rich people my grandma lived near and was friends with.

My mom would have been extremely queer-presenting and posting on tumblr if born in the year 2000, but was born in early 70s, and was a raegan teen in high-school in Texas during the satanic panic-- she presents completely cis, straight, but has body dysmorphia issues. Thats about you need to know about those issues I'm sure my tumblr folks can assume the rest and be perfectly correct. Cause thats about all I know too and I'm assuming the rest about my own mother

--- Earliest memories

I think a lot of people face doubt about their own earliest memories, maybe hearing the way I connect the images of these events in my head to my emotions I felt will help others do the same.

----

Two disclosers about me & my current healthcare discoveries before moving on

1) My only "major" childhood trauma is loneliness. I have a partner now (started dating early high school, nearing 10 years together now) who was just as lonely and we are glued to each others side constantly, and have made our life work great that way. So don't feel too bad reading this, I'm only able to write it down because Ive healed that trauma and can dig this stuff up with no issues to validate the emotions I felt even as a child

1) I believe I have a genetic trait that is only just getting discovered. There are something like 6 discovered mutations that hold this similar trait so far, and its just basically chronic insomia.

It being a genetic trait tracks with how my mom describes me as never settling into a normal sleep pattern at 6 months old, having absurd amounts of nightmares and death anxiety keeping me up at night as a child, and I still dont sleep at any given time. I average 2 hours less sleep than my husband, who averages 7-8 now that he isnt actively being abused at home.

Going to get sequenced but even if negative I'd probably just be a 7th mutation, as they only found the other 6 genes via case study.

The scientists whove discovered it call it "Familial Natural Short Sleeper", if you desire to look it up. They describe the trait like its the best possible thing in the world. Well... terminally chronic insomia is not the best thing in THIS world thats for sure.

---------

My "earliest memories"

These arent ranked by time accurately of course. Took enough effort digging through my brain to turn them up, not like Ive got a 2003 calendar stuffed in here as well.

I did do my best to sort by first memory but it also might be sorted by the order at which I recovered the memories as being one of my "earliest" when I was a child and asked such things

1. Pure emptiness. I can only describe it as dissociation. I can remember nothing about the environment around me, except feeling suddenly sucked out of it, seeing only darkness, feeling almost a ringing in my ears and the deepest dread possible. This same feeling followed me in life for a little while, but started to take more visual shape when I was an adolescent, until at some point I would see myself sitting in a chair alone in a room that is infinitely sized but that slowly gets darker the further out you go. I cant remember what exact "real-world" event caused this feeling to ever happen each time it did. I just can remember having it happen occasionally when I was awake and doing things. Definitely dissociation. (If you are willing to believe me further I think its just probably "lights out" and being scared of that)

1. Riding a mattress down the stairs. I kind of remember two images, one is the tunnel vision of going high speed down the stairs and the other would be from looking back up at the stairs when I was done going down. Totally fun, probably my first rollar coaster ride. I might remember my siblings laughing too but it wouldnt be because I can remember the actual laughing-- but I can remember feeling the joy of being in a group of people laughing. At the time, my parents were selling the house so thats why I also remember it being a completely empty carpeted room that we were riding down into

2. My brother smashing his head repeatedly into the refrigerator for 'fun' and someone saying "wow he has a hard head" or something along those lines. I was learning english I cant remember exactly what they said but that was definitely the meaning I took from their words. I think this memory is strong, because I was truly very curious as to why my brother was just running at full speed, head down, and headbutting a hard surface. The words someone said after that must have been one of my first 'answers'

3. Watching my siblings play in rare Houston snow. Not much remembering there actually. Probably just thought it was mezmorizing to watch as I just really remember a picture and feeling peace

4. Will add more later.

[rinja-espurr]

so ive said i wanna talk about tadc since i have a LOT of thoughts on it so here it is. tagging @ermine-57047 since they asked for that too!!

SORRY IF THAT THING DOESNT LOOK VERY....... ORGANIZED AND ALL THAT? thats literally just some of my thoughts about tadc put in textual format. aaand it may have headcanons

i was basically thinking. so. thats confirmed that you WILL go insane in the digital circus eventually if you stay there long enough and all that. but this made me start thinking "but what if you LOVE that kind of stuff like circuses and digital stuff and everything" since i do love all of it. those are some of my HUGE special interests which made me think "well then its probably gonna be possible to stay sane here if you do like that stuff-" but ive started accidentally overanalyzing it and. no i dont think you can even if youre like me and you love that type of stuff

you know how nothing feels real in there? well ive kinda overanalyzed. that. I DID saw gooseworx' answer that its possible to feel pain, but, looking at everything I saw already, I imagine that when its NOT stuff like glitching out, then its not a REAL sensation of pain but the..... phantom touch in vr kinda thing? and. imagine feeling that every time instead of a usual normal kind of touch. or like the virtual sensation of food. i imagine that it feels similar to the time I had a dream where I ate a chocolate cake. and it tasted EXACTLY how it should taste. but it didnt feel REAL in any way. imagine feeling THIS every time too (tbh doesnt sound too bad for me but i think it does fuck you up in a way)

the fact that you dont need to sleep, drink or eat may sound alright too but its also. very fucked up in a way? like. imagine going from your normal life and needing all of that and then you just suddenly..... dont need this. you CAN do this, but it wont really do anything to you and it must feel really. really fucking weird. especially the sleep part. I feel like this feeling of neverending energy (basically, having no need to sleep) can and will mess you up

and BECAUSE OF IT i dont think that its going to be really possible to sleep even if you tried. also ive had a hallucination one day WHEN I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP and it was like MY WHOLE ROOM WAS DIGITAL CIRCUS and I couldnt sleep for a whole hour because of that. i dont know what was that

and then the fact that youre pretty much always forced to be in this colorful circus place and theres adventures and everything going on even when youre in a bad mood or when youre tired or anything like that. and you dont really have any other choice but to do those things and be there

oh and not just that. you know what would feel REALLY bad in that place? overstimulation. i dont even know how youre supposed to deal with that in the digital circus

OH AND ALSO........ I FEEL LIKE THERES MUSIC PLAYING CONSTANTLY. Or at least a LOOOT of times. imagine if its the tadc main theme for most of the time

would I still like to be there though? YEAH ABSOLUTELY at least I probably wont have my toothache anymore or my diabetes and im also understimulated right now and i feel like it will give me the right amount of stimulation. it wont probably be good for me in the long run but hey

[browzerhistory]

this started out as tags on a post but i realized i should probably just. make my own post at this point.

anyways ohhhg my god dont even TALK to me about a post-prime trio situation. ill start crying. GOOD GOD the betrayal and even if its post 6-2 that they meet again what would there even be to SAYYYY!!!

chewing on the minosgabe especially because like okay. minos was getting through to him before he was assassinated. gabriel knew that the council (and by extension The Father Himself, though he'd never admit it) were being needlessly cruel to the sinners. not just in lust but through all of hell (he was the closest to the ferrymen but knew of the futility of their devotion for example). but i think it scared him to think about everything he's ever known being a lie, not to mention the threat of getting his light and title stripped if he stepped out of line. so to reconcile it, he followed orders and killed minos. maybe he convinced himself (or was convinced) minos was trying to lead him astray or smthn.

gabriel would not only understand minos wanting to shred him, he'd Want him to. the only way gabriel knows how to make things right is someone getting hurt. so it's natural for him to offer an eye for an eye so to speak. and of course minos would want to kick his ass at first (his whole boss fight speech is pretty indicative of this i think). but given time to think with his Judge Brain, he'd realize death is not fitting for what he did. gabriel wants it to be, but that's because the only kind of justice he knows is the kind the church teaches. minos knows it would be infinitely better (and infinitely crueler, in a way) to let him live with himself.

ohhgggg and sisyphus and minos post prime... this really depends on how one sees their relationship while they were alive. BUT. the dynamic of like. these two who have faced actual hell together and were murdered by the same guy only to come back irreversibly altered in every sense of the world. and despite everything it's still the man they fell in love with but theres so much each went through that the other wont know. BUT THE LOVE IS STILL THERE. (havr you noticed a pattern with me about this theme) godddd and then to have them be faced with gabriel.. also changed deeply from who he used to be but who is still the angel who killed them. (IN A SENSE. because he hasnt had as much Time as the other two. and we all know how the church has to be taken out of someone. piece by bloody piece.) to have gabriel There before them understanding what he did was infinitely fucked and understanding if they want to kill him.

and don't even get me STARTED on gabriel and sisyphus post prime. here is this angel who minos tried to change while he was alive. tried to make him see the injustices of heaven. and sisyphus Saw the progression in his thinking on the rare occasions where they did meet. and maybe he started to hope that things could be different because if even the Righteous Hand Of The Father can have doubts in the system then maybe change is possible. but then gabriel kills both of them on the council's orders. and he knows that dogma is buried deeper in his being than either of them can know, let alone change, like that deer that got shot through the rib but lived and ossified the arrow - but they're on the killing end of it, so what does it matter in the end?

i don't know how they'd cross the bridge of trust at first tbh. i don't think minos would even want to look at gabriel. (he trusted him.) and yeah gabriel changed especially post 6-2/council murder but there's only so far that can take him. like i said above i think minos would let/make him live with what he did. i don't think sisyphus would want to take gabriel out as much, esp. if it's post 6-2 since at that point gabriel is just as holy as they are and killing him wouldn't really change anything. he's changed but he's still got a very long way to go yk?

ugh idk i feel like i could draw this better than i can write it. these are just random characters they don't mean anythingg

[la-pheacienne]

so i have to go to work soon and am feeling quite scatterbrained so im sorry if this doesn't feel coherent. But I've been thinking for the last couple days about Elia Martell.

I understand that Elia Martell is supposed to be dead. that her narrative role is to be dead. but i keep wondering about if she had lived. (i have severe difficulty believing that Tywin actually wanted her to live, despite his "regret" over the Mountains actions. i think his regret literally comes from the fact that Dorne is a pian in his ass and not because of anything ehtical or even Strategic*)

*how would it have been strategic to let the princess consort of the previous regime live and go back home after killing her husband and her children? she would probably have been a political hostage tbh, to ensure Dorne's behavior, forcibly remarried by whomever Tywin chose. have no idea who that would be tho. but thats besides the point.

to be honest, I'm too scatterbrained to get all my thoughts in order, but if Elia had lived (and was aloowed to go back home), I have genuine doubts that Dorne would have enacted the same type of long lasting revenge that they do in canon. probably Doran and Oberyn would want the Mountain dead, and Tywin as well, but in this case their sister is actually "alive and well" and while children are precious, at least they have their sister back with them safe. and of course, probably Elia probably would be "broken" in this case. little more than someone wracked by grief. (tho maybe not. proably suicidal, or maybe the fact that shed be grief stricken, "broken" would drive them to revenge)

anyway, if Elia was going to live, i keep thinking that shed very likely become hard, after being the woman of sweet wit once. and I dont know, but if she wanted revenge, would Dorne really help her get it? i know that mysoginy is real, and Westeros seems to have a hard time allowing women to get their own revenge. I dont doubt the depth of Oberyns feelings, but its been almost fifteen years and its clear that he put Elia on a pedestal, (probably seeing the real woman would be truly difficult for him) and Doran clearly wants political vengeance in the story.

GRRM said that Elia and Rhaegar had a complicated relationship, and it seems to me that She probably loved Him more than He loved her. so its questionable whether she would want revenge on purely on his behalf, which would lead to very complicated feelings of vengeance and scorn intermixed, naturally.

probably shed be a heavier inspiration to Arriane, if Elia wanted revenge against Robert but her brothers dont exactly listen, with Oberyn wanting the glory of the act and Doran's never ending patience.

I wont lie, i couldn't help think on this because i Know that the Stansas tend to wrack Elia Martell's description like a corpse doll for whatever shit they're snorting atm, but i think that if Elia had lived, theres a small chance that she would want to go to Daenerys.

Daenerys fitting the description of the Prince that Was Promised- which Elia would probably know about since Rhaegar told her the song title-and also bringing Dragons Back, which probably Rhaegar spoke pf repeatedly.

I dont think Elia would feel only scorn for Rhaegar, even his actions probably hurt her a lot, especially because over the years she too would, alos view him through a lenses of grief. but i think that if Elia knew that Daenerys seems to be the one Rhaegar was waiting for, she'd want to be at her good sisters side, either for vengeance, or because she too, wanted to see the dream of spring-the hope- that no doubt Rhaegar had shared with her.

what do you think?

So, thank you for asking my opinion on this, but this is really not my thing. I believe I'm fairly good at analysing written text, but I am not good at speculation and imagining alternative endings and what ifs. Maybe you should adress this question to someone in this fandom who writes fanfiction or generally likes speculation, AUs, etc. I will tag @ladyalianora for a pro-Rhaegar approach and @alethiaii for a not so pro-Rhaegar approach.

Having said that speculation is not my thing, I don't really know what would have happened if she had lived, cause she died, and her death is a pretty important part of the story and definitely the most important part of her story. But if i want to speculate, Elia surviving without her children in my opinion wouldn't have changed things so drastically. Her house would still want revenge over the dead children. It is not only Elia that would want revenge as you say, it's her entire house, and in my personal opinion, in universe, I think the children were actually more important than Elia herself for the house Martell. Not for her brother maybe, but for the house and the legacy of Dorne, the children are the most important. Let's be real. These children were Martell children and they were the heirs to the throne, they were supposed to succeed their father and grandfather and they would have if Baratheons and Lannisters hadn't killed them. This new order of things didn't just erase Targaryens, it erased Martells as well and the power they held because of their affiliation to the Targaryens. Yes Rhaegar left Elia but her children were always going to be the Targaryen heirs and nothing in the world would change that. It's Robert and the Lannisters that killed them and usurped their father so for Dorne they will always be the actual enemy, always. Plus they would really dislike the Starks because of their alliance with them and because of Lyanna, realistically.

So yeah Dorne would definitely want to avenge the children.

As for Elia, she would be a shadow of her former self, abandonned by her husband who is now dead, and with her children killed. Her attitude towards Rhaegar would be really complex cause he did abandon her but at the same time, strangely, tragically, her interests were tied to him, his death was the catalyst for the death of her children. She would definitely had mixed feelings, bitterness, betrayal, scorn possibly, she would definitely accuse him for being the cause of this entire rebellion but at the same time she would, I believe, feel intense grief over his death and usurpation. As GRRM said, their relationship was complicated, I personally believe there was some sort of understanding between them before he left, there was some sort of closure, cause I believe this possibility is way more in tune with Rhaegar's canon characterization. They were in an arranged marriage after all, it was a marriage of duty. But I'm 100% biased in Rhaegar's favour so maybe you don't agree. Also her negative feelings for Rhaegar would be largely covered by the disgust she would obviously feel for anyone involved in the new regime, the Lannisters, the Baratheons and the Starks.

To sum it up, her mental state would be very interesting to write, very complicated and tragic, just an endless sea of grief and disgust directed towards many different people, her husband, and his usurpers. An Andromache type of character.

As for her attitude towards Dany, I really don't know cause I never thought about this. Maybe she would go to her maybe not. I feel that Dany would be the one to go to Elia and not the other way round. Dany would absolutely want to meet her and talk to her, she would be the only hint of family she has left after all and they could have a connection over their common loss of their families at the end of the Rebellion.

"Daenerys fitting the description of the Prince that Was Promised- which Elia would probably know about since Rhaegar told her the song title-and also bringing Dragons Back, which probably Rhaegar spoke pf repeatedly". Now I do believe it is a possibility that Rhaegar had shared with Elia the prophecy but I am not so sure. Maybe he was very solitary in his visions. And also I don't believe he spoke repeatedly of bringing the Dragons back. I actually don't buy this and I think the fandom has severely misinterpreted his "obsession" with the prophecy. The line "the dragon has to have three heads" was spoken in Dany's dream and it was spoken to Dany. Rhaegar in the dream looked directly at Dany when he said that, and as we know, Dany was most definitely not present in the real scene, if we supposed it was real (it wasn't). It was Dany's vision, not Rhaegar's. All we know about Rhaegar himself was Aemon saying :

"He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King’s Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet".

That's it. He first believed he was TPTWP and then he believed his son was TPTWP. Period. So I really do not get how we concluded from this that Rhaegar was obsessed with having three children and that he even talked about it all the time. All this comes from Dany's vision, where Rhaegar was talking to her. And this theory is directly promoted by Targ antis who believe the Targs are just a bunch of self aggrandising assholes starting with Dany herself.

So no at this point I don't vibe with what you say. I do believe, however, that Elia would recognise Rhaegar's visionary and idealistic personality in Dany, along with other specific traits, and she would probably believe that Dany may be able to achieve what he did not.

[kalopses-sonderes]

Sonders YanTober Day 6

Your eyes only

Yandere! Raspberry mousse x Reader

Warning/tags: Manipulation, mentions of forced marriage

He just wants your eyes on him only. He doesn’t care how man people came to watch his sparring match, as long as your watching, its all that matter. Please, just keep looking at him.

You were in the crowd for his sparring match. Youve been friend since you were both young.

“Raspberry Mousse Cookie! White Choco! Are you ready?” Said the announcer. They both nod and get into position.

It was after the match, everyone was waiting for Raspberry Mousse outside so they can congratulate them. But you, you were invited inside. Since the match was held at the Raspberry Manor, Raspberry Mousse went there after he won.

You were roaming the bright halls, red and white intricately designed walls could be seen left and right. You look at the huge windows and see a crown of people waiting.

“(Name), over here.” You look forward and see Raspberry Mousse, he was taking off his hat.

“Oh! Raspberry Mousse!” You went running over there to him.

You both started talking, mostly about anything. The conversation lasted for a while, time flying by.

“Sir, the people are waiting-” A guard came up and said.

“Well let them wait longer, Im busy.” Raspberry Mousse snapped back. The guard left immediately.

“Maybe that was a little to much Mousse, the people have been waiting-”

“But Im with you right now, you’re more important.”

You walk over to the window and see the crowd, theres pictures being taken, mics, and more entourage. Some of them start to notice you, cameras start facing the window.

“Uh oh, I didnt mean to get their attention.” You tried backing up but run into Raspberry Mousses chest.

“You said they’ve been waiting, right? Why cant we give them a show..”

“Huh-” He turns you around and kisses you. “Mousse! What was that for!” He doesn’t respond, he just holds you closer to his chest.

“Im giving you want you wanted. You said they shouldn’t wait any longer..”

“Thats not what I meant! And, I see you only as a friend..” you say the last part quietly while walking off, heading off to the backdoor so no one will see you.

Raspberry Mousse waits a second to process everything, then goes after you. “Please (name)! Wait up my love, don’t be mad at me.”

“Im not your love!” You say as you speed up.

“Dont say that!” He gets faster and grabs your arm and yanks you closer to him. “(Name), please look at me..”

“They took pictures… They’re gonna think we’re together-"

“And your saying we havent been this entire time?”

“We haven’t-” Raspberry mousse continues to cut you off.

“Dont lie, we treat each other like lovers. I see how you look at me, how you smile every time someone mentions me. We are basically together.”

“Well I dont love you, i see you as a friend and thats it!” You yank your arm back.

“Like you said, they took pictures, everyone already believes we’re together, we must make it official. I truly never wanted the public to know of my private life, but if this is what it takes for you to love me then Im willing to risk it all for you.” He lifts your chin with his finger.

You pause before responding. “You’re disgusting…”

“I love you too (name).” He begins to walk off, leaving you to process everything in the middle of the corridor. “Also, you wont be leaving anytime soon. Ive already had a letter sent to your family about an engagement I plan to do and I need you here for it to go through.” The clicking of his shoes slowly fade out as you continue to understand what your life has become.

[liquidstar]

that re:zero rabbit video made me curious about the show so I went through your re:zero tag and now I have more questions than what I started with... only course of action now is to watch the show. do you recommend starting with the anime? should I also read the light novel(s)? ty 🙏

i started w the anime which i feel is easier to get into, i dont think theres anything wrong w just sticking w the anime if thats what you wanna do either! the simple answer is just watch the anime and the ovas in-between season 1 and 2. if you like that then you can totally pick up the ln, thats what i did! but the more complicated answer is

start with season 1, obviously. and there's a "break time" short for the first 11 episodes, these are optional but i feel like they add a bit to the story

then watch the memory snow ova, followed by the frozen bonds ova. you could ALSO watch the memory snow ova between arcs 2 and 3 of the anime (after episode 11), since that's when it takes place chronologically. this is up to you. memory snow is light-hearted character fun so it doesn't matter much, but frozen bonds is actually important and should be watched before season 2.

so yeah after frozen bonds watch season 2 (arc 4). season 2 ALSO has break time shorts which are actually more high quality and relevant (but still generally comedic) than season 1's, so i actually really recommend watching those after every episode. you wont lose TOO much by not doing so though

after that is the upcoming season 3 (arc 5). you can wait for it to drop sometime in 2024, or you could read the light novel. there are a couple of things that sort of get skipped over in the anime... but as long as you read the post-arc-4 interludes you should be fine and you'll figure everything else out w context clues. unless you want to go back and reread, thats a different story

and if you do decide to read it, the website witchculttranslations translates all content from the webnovel! including the main story and a lot of sidestories!! (sidestories optional)

aaand if you do that, then i also recommend checking out the what:if routes. these are special stories that get posted every year on subaru's birthday (april 1st) that take place in alternate timelines. timelines where subaru makes the wrong choice at a certain juncture, and the story takes a completely different path. there isn't an important read order for these, but here are the places in which they diverge:

pride:if diverges from arc 1, wrath:if diverges from arc 2, sloth:if diverges from arc 3, greed:if diverges from arc 4, and gluttony:if diverges from arc 6.

i recommend not reading any of the what:ifs until after reading/watching arc 5, and not reading gluttony:if until after arc 6!

[wannaremember]

I saw @homosociallyyours and @jlf23tumble post theirs and felt like doing this since I can't sleep. I am not the best at picking answers to things but i will try.

Relationship status: Single. I don't know if i see myself ever being anything else. So in that way its complicated, my view of what I want, what I can have, whats possible and whats not. I try not to think about it though. I'm also kind of bitter about some things which sours my thoughts on relationships.

Favorite colors: is it okay to say every colour? Like i am so bad at picking a favourite thing :/ but if i had to pick right now, I'd say red. The answer could be different at any other given moment though 😅

Song stuck in my head: at the moment there is none. I dont think my brain has the space for it at the moment. I also can't think what the last song stuck in my head would have been but I do remember Happier than Ever being stuck in my head somewhat recently.

Last song I listened to: Bad friend by Rina Sawayama. I feel like anytime i do these things I'm always mentioning the same artists lol but really blame the spotify shuffle algorithm. Anyway i do love the song so I'm not mad about it.

3 favorite foods: once again picking a favourite is tough but for this its easier because I do have my ultimate favourite food in mind. Khausey, its like this noodle and yellow curry dish. Googling it probably won't be very useful and theres often different variants of it depending on what your cultural background is. So i usually think of the version I've grown up eating. I can never make it as good myself and its a lot of work to make the curry so I rarely make it myself. But god its the best. Second is halwa puri. Again something i can't explain but i love it. It always tastes best when you get it from the street. I think I'm going to start listing out all the street food i miss from back home as well as other foods i miss that i just cant get here, atleast not as good as they are back home so ill pick something different for the third option lol. Nutella, im not going to call it food per se and its not even that i think its particularly great but its a comfort thing for me where i just eat a few spoons of it on its own when I'm feeling low, or pmsing or anything, it takes very little excuse.

Last thing I googled: Moonlight, the movie, i saw a mention of it in a fic i was reading and googled it.

Dream trip: there's not really one place i would pick, like a world tour would be ideal and i could just go to all these different countries and explore different neighbourhoods, try out different food, do some activities, etc. If I had to be more specific, I'd go for Europe, though. I still get sad that I didn't get to travel much when I was there, and I can't really go back anytime soon.

Anything I want right now: more friends. People who i can talk to, who will get me and i wont have to worry about censoring myself or not being able to be myself completely. I feel like its a pretty big constant in my life though to want friends but never doing enough to make them. Idk but yeah also people in peron like that especially but even online closer friends that aren't just on messages and arent just fandom focused in conversation. I dont know whats tougher for me though interacting with people online or in person, they're both scary. Anyway i am trying but yeah friends was the very first thing i could think of to answer this.

I don't know who has done this already so i might tag someone who has already. I'll tag @bigxrig @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @suesheroll and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

[bromantically]

would it be alright for someone, if they're too tired to describe their own post but do want to share it, to tag it with something or add a line in the post that asks for others to give it an ID? mostly asking because while i do want accessibility, i do not want to limit how often / how much i post and am quite forgetful + often tired, so the "wait until you get more energy" concept doesn't quite click in my brain (that 'what if i don't have enough energy' thing, since often i struggle to create content in the first place, and describing it does take energy)

when you post something without a description, ur putting something inaccessible out there, even if someone eventually describes it. there will be inaccessible versions of ur post out there, which means theres still people who wont be able to access ur content.

so no, i dont recommend doing that if u can help it :(

i recommend following more blogs who describe things, and to check out the peoples accessibility server, where u can send things to be described for u :D

that being said, i think its important to remember that accessibility will change how u post, and thats something u need to come to terms with. obviously i cant stop u if u would rather post what u want when u want regardless of how accessible ur stuff is, but when u put those preferences above accessibility ur sending the message to ur followers who need these things that u care more about ur comfort than their access

and just to clarify, not everyone CAN write descriptions. if u cant write ur own then thats fine, but u should reach out and get help for them from people who can

all of that being said, if and when someone adds descriptions to ur posts, be sure to copy and paste them to the original post so that version is accessible, and add it right under the content and above personal commentary. it really shows us how much u appreciate our help and how much ud like to help others access ur stuff :D

here are some blogs u can check out:

@army-of-bee-assassins, @catsdescribed, @a-captions-blog, @accessiblecore, @transcribed-described, @cartilageandperfume, @accessible-art, @doorfus, @accessibleaesthetics, @can-i-make-image-descriptions , @the-stimsonian-museum, @plushiesdescribed

TLDR: i dont recommend posting anything without a description because it puts an inaccessible version out there. if u cant write them, try to get help from people who can help u write them, like from description making blogs or from the server linked above :)!