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writeforfandoms · 1 year

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Born for Greatness 2

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For those of you who liked the world building: Good news! We’ve got lots of it this time. Plus we get to see Soap and Gaz’s shifted forms.

Warnings: Brief violence, anti-shifter rhetoric, non-graphic injuries, non-graphic violence, swearing.

Word count: 3k

It took a few days to get the scheduling pinned down, but you managed it. You also watched every time the pack worked or trained with the soldiers, keeping an eye out for any other malcontents. Fortunately, you seemed to only have a handful of those to deal with. You got the requisition forms sent in.

And then you defaulted to the normal etiquette, which you’d had to teach dozens of times already.

“There are really only a few rules you’ll need to remember,” you told the first group. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to teach you the history of the world part one.” A few of them laughed at that, and you grinned. “Okay. First thing to remember: staring them in the eyes is a challenge. You do not want to do that. Pick another point on their face - forehead or nose, or even chin. Shows you’re paying attention without accidentally challenging anyone.”

“I thought that was for dogs,” one bold soldier piped up.

You wiggled one hand back and forth in a ‘so-so’ motion. “In actual canines, yes. In shifters, it’s more complicated. They’ve developed some of their own social norms, including eye contact. Besides, this is a general etiquette class, not specific to the pack residing here currently. Some shifters don’t give a shit about eye contact. Others are very picky about it.” You shrugged. “These are best practices.”

The soldier who’d piped up nodded, apparently content for now.

“Next rule–and this one is arguably more important, so pay attention.” You paused a moment to stare at the class. “Do not touch without permission.”

There were a couple incredulous scoffs, a bit of confusion, but mostly dawning understanding.

“I know it’s tempting,” you continued. “Especially with the canine shifters. They look friend-shaped! They are not friend-shaped. Without permission. You always, always ask permission first.” You paused again. “Or else you end up like one idiot I knew who lost two fingers.”

“Two?” someone yelped.

“Uh huh.” You sighed in remembered exasperation. “I was with a friend who had shifted, and this idiot thought my friend was a dog and decided to pet him. My friend is not a dog. He’s a wolverine.”

“Wait,” one of them started with a little bit of panic. “You’re friends with a wolverine shifter?!”

“Sure am,” you agreed with pride. “He’s a grumpy bastard, but I’m stuck with him now.”

There was a new level of respect in their eyes as they looked at you. You tried not to let it go to your head.

“So what are the other rules?”

“Just one more, really. This one is usually the hardest for people to follow.” You paused, tapping your fingers against your thigh. “If any of the shifters go feral, do not, for any reason, raise a weapon against them. Not a tranq gun, not a nerf gun, not a knife. Nothing.”

“Not even to defend ourselves?” This one sounded incredulous.

“Chances are good that they will recognize you as… pack-adjacent, is the best way to put it. They work with you every day, they’ll recognize you by scent, if nothing else. As long as you don’t start acting aggressive, they won’t either. They’ll be focused on whatever set them off.” You shrugged. “So don’t be the idiot to send them feral, and don’t be aggressive. This is also only if they go feral, which is not likely.”

“What if they attack us?” This was one of the ones who was on the fence. You’d kind of hoped she’d speak up.

“Defend yourself if you have to.” You shrugged. “It is highly unlikely that they will attack without provocation, even when feral. Best practice when a shifter goes feral is to back off.”

“You ever dealt with a feral shifter?” The same woman, meeting your gaze almost challengingly.

“I have.” You smiled gently. “My wolverine friend, for one. And I’ve assisted in more than a dozen feral incidents over the years.”

Another ripple of respect passed through the crowd. You spotted Gaz and Soap hanging out just outside the door and grinned.

“Like I said, these are best practice kind of rules. I will be watching to see if you implement them.”

“What happens if we don’t?” The man who asked sounded very tentative. Good.

“I hand over a list of names to the Lieutenant and let him decide what to do with you.” You shrugged.

That got them to shut up very fast, and you dismissed the lot of them. You noticed with pleased satisfaction that many of them remembered not to look the two shifters in the eye.

“Well, that seemed easy,” Soap said, walking up to you and draping one arm over your shoulders.

“You really have a wolverine friend?” Gaz asked, waiting until Soap had walked you out of the room to fall in on your other side, leaving you bracketed between the two.

On the one hand, this was a good sign of acceptance. On the other hand… this felt like mischief. “I sure do,” you agreed. “And he really is a grouchy bastard.”

“So he’s your pack?” The question was playful, but the look in Soap’s eyes was entirely serious.

You frowned. “Not… exactly?” You wrinkled your nose, trying to figure out how much to tell them. “He’s packless by choice, but he says I’m the closest he’ll get.”

The two exchanged a look over your head. “But you still do this,” Gaz pried gently.

“Well, yeah. He’s got his life, I’ve got mine. I go visit him when he calls, sometimes he shows up at my apartment for a few days.” You looked between the two and then sighed. “We are not involved, romantically or physically.”

They both looked sheepish, which meant that had been what they’d been wondering about.

“And what mischief are you trying to drag me into?” You frowned, looking around. You didn’t recognize this area of the base. This… could be bad.

“Not mischief,” Soap immediately protested. “We’re showin’ you around!”

“Ah yes, the tour with no sign posts, no running commentary, and ominous dragging of a victim between you two,” you drawled. “Definitely showing me around.”

Gaz laughed. “This one,” he said to Soap, stepping ahead to open a door into a quiet courtyard. Somehow, there was a natural space here, left to grow as it liked, completely surrounded by the buildings. A single tree grew in the middle of the courtyard, leaves swaying in the breeze.

“Oh yeah,” you muttered, looking around. “Feeling totally safe here.”

“You’ll see.” Gaz shot you an amused look before he started stripping. You looked pointedly up at the tree, even as Soap laughed at your modesty and started stripping as well.

A soft woof let you know it was okay to look, so you did.

A dog was standing next to you, tail wagging. A Belgian Malinois, if you remembered right. (You were less up to date on dog breeds, to your very private dismay.) He woofed again, tail wagging a little faster.

And beyond him was a wolf, gray with a black saddle and lighter gray underside. The wolf wagged his tail slowly, carefully.

“You two are trouble,” you said, though you couldn’t stop your grin as you lowered yourself to sit on the ground. “What, your LT showed off so now you get to do the same?”

Soap, the malinois, woofed again and sat in front of you. Gaz sauntered over too, sitting next to Soap and showing off the size difference between them. The wolf was definitely bigger.

“Yes, you’re very handsome boys,” you agreed, grinning. “And if your Alpha asks, this was your idea, not mine.”

“That I’ll believe.”

You gasped, nearly falling over at the sudden voice behind you but for Soap darting forward to brace you. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” you groaned, hanging your head. “How the fuck are you so quiet?”

“Habit.” Price still didn’t look apologetic as he stepped around you and Soap, lowering himself to sit next to Gaz instead. “How did the first class go?”

You shrugged, sitting upright again. But Soap stayed pressed against your side. “Well, I think. They paid attention, at least. I’ve got one more class today, and I’ll be watching to see if they actually take the lessons to heart.”

Price nodded, not shifting even as Gaz draped himself across his Alpha’s lap. And if that wasn’t a good visual of just how big Price was… That could be distracting. You swallowed and looked at Soap instead.

“May I touch you?” you asked him softly. Sure, he’d initiated, but you didn’t want to presume.

He shoved his head under your hand, unsubtly asking for each skritches, and you laughed quietly as you obliged.

“He’s a right menace,” Price said, pulling your gaze back to him. “Won’t leave you alone if you don’t put him in his place.”

“I’ll make sure to let him know if he gets annoying.” You smiled, smoothing your hand down Soap’s back.

Price snorted softly but stayed quiet, watching you carefully. He was still wary. Which was fair. Honestly, you hadn’t expected this much acceptance from Soap and Gaz, not so quickly. But they were both younger still, and probably just happy to have a new person to play with. Canine shifters especially were more accepting.

Gently, you nudged Soap away from you. “I need to get some coffee before the next group,” you said, patting the top of his head. You paused, gaze darting to Price’s eyes and then up. “Alpha.”

He nodded once, dismissing you silently, and you pushed yourself to your feet, brushing off your backside as you went back inside.

The second class went just as well as the first, and you took a brief break to check on the rec room. Popcorn seemed to go fast, which you noted down, and a few other snacks. You made sure to add those to the base grocery list, marking them specifically for the pack.

That done, you checked on the status of your requisitions. Then you made a couple phone calls regarding those requisitions.

And by the time you were done with that, it was late, and you hadn’t eaten yet. Grumbling a little, you dragged yourself to the mess.

Dinner was silent and solitary, again. Not that you really minded. You were able to respond to some texts from friends and previous packs, enjoying checking in with people.

The walk back to your room was quiet but not solitary. Ghost appeared out of nowhere and fell into step next to you. You waited to see if he’d talk first, if he’d ask you for something, but he didn’t. Just walked with you.

So you paused at the door to your room, looking at him. “Something I can help you with?”

“Why do you do this?” Ghost crossed his arms over his chest, looming over you.

“Help people? Or help shifters?” You raised one eyebrow at him.

“Both.”

You huffed. “I like this job,” you told him, mirroring his posture, even though you could hardly loom over him. “It’s satisfying. It’s something I’m pretty good at. I like making connections and getting to know people. And it’s easier for me to go between packs than it would be for a shifter.”

For several moments, the two of you stood silently, you carefully not meeting his gaze but otherwise holding your ground.

Then he scoffed. “Good way to get hurt.”

Anger flashed, hot and bright, and you breathed through it. “I am well aware of that.”

He grunted once, having clearly scented your anger. But he didn’t push further, turning and striding away.

You breathed out, watching him until he rounded a corner. Then you shook yourself out and locked yourself in your room.

You still had work to do.

It took three more days to get to the last group of soldiers. This was the group you were worried about - Keyes and his second-in-command, Martinez, were in this group. They’d be the hardest to work with.

Sure enough, you’d gotten no further than the first rule when there was a loud scoff. Keyes stepped forward, right to the unofficial barrier between you and your temporary students.

“A man should be able to meet eyes when giving orders,” Keyes said, cocky and brash.

“I suppose that depends on how you define respect.” You remained calm, watching him with a polite little smile.

“It’s basic courtesy,” Keyes spat.

“Basic courtesy changes from place to place.” You kept your gaze focused on his nose. It was a little too big for his face, honestly. “There is no singular universal set of rules.”

“Sounds like a load of shite to me.” He stepped into your space, staring down at you in challenge.

“Be that as it may, your superiors have ordered you to attend however many classes I deem necessary.” Your smile turned distinctly sweet. “How many times would you like to retake this class?”

“You’re bluffing.” Keyes was eyeing you now, a little wary.

You pulled out your phone and pulled up the screenshot you’d taken of the email with the orders detailing that you had to pass every soldier on base (including the pack) to be cleared to continue working there. “I’m afraid the higher ups take on-base safety very seriously.”

Keyes turned an interesting shade of mauve. “You really think that’ll work?” he asked, shoulders tight, hands clenched at his sides.

“I think if the shifters bother you that much, you need to transfer out. They’re not going anywhere.” You refused to back down, putting your phone away again.

“That’s not fair,” Martinez protested, quickly joining Keyes. “We all worked hard to be here!”

You shrugged. “Then I suggest you work hard to move past whatever prejudice you have.”

Keyes gave you no warning. Just stepped into your space, hand grabbing your upper arm tight. Tight enough to hurt. “You’re butting in where you’re not wanted,” he murmured, low and vicious. “I suggest you pass us, or face the consequences.”

“Let go of me.” You spoke slowly and clearly, heart pounding, not willing to show that he was actually hurting you.

“Sign off and I will.” Keyes tried to loom over you. Physically, he could, but he had nowhere near the presence that the shifters did.

You were just drawing in a breath to berate him and figure out what the hell to do, tension crackling through the room, the other soldiers shifting uneasily, when Price strode in. His upper lip lifted in a silent snarl, and he’d crossed the room and had his hand wrapped tight around Keyes’s wrist before you could say anything.

“Assaulting a civilian this time?” Price growled, low, banked violence in his tone.

Keyes turned his head and met Price’s gaze head on. The tension thickened between the two as Price’s eyes slowly darkened from blue to brown.

Keyes was trying to provoke a shift, you realized with horror. He was going to try to get Price declared unfit for duty.

So you did the first thing that came to mind. You slapped your free hand over Keyes’s eyes and pushed hard, forcing his head back to expose his throat.

You’d forgotten about Martinez. The slightly smaller man tackled you, sending you sprawling to the ground, with the likely unintended side effect of sending Keyes with you. You landed hard and then coughed as Keyes elbowed your solar plexus on his way down. Your lungs froze, refusing to draw in air for a few long seconds until you coughed and wheezed in a breath. Somehow, in those few seconds you’d been incapacitated, Gaz and Soap had both shown up and were restraining Keyes and Martinez.

“You broken?” Price asked, crouching by your head.

“They wish,” you wheezed, pushing yourself up to sit slowly. “Ow.”

Price silently helped you to your feet, doing a quick visual inspection of you. You let him, indulging his instincts.

“Think you’ll need a statement from me?” you asked, not even bothering to look at Keyes and Martinez.

“If you feel up to it.”

“Let’s get it over with,” you agreed on a sigh. “The rest of you, I’ll let you know when your make-up class is.”

Price escorted you out, walking you down to an office to get everything down on paper. You refused a medic, knowing you’d bruise but there wasn’t much to be done for that.

And once that was done you leaned back in your seat, resting your eyes for a moment. “Have to admit, I didn’t expect them to get violent,” you muttered, lifting one hand to rub your temples.

“Neither did I.” There was something like regret in the curl of his lips when you opened your eyes to look at him.

“No blaming yourself.” You pointed sternly at him. “This is part of my job. This happens sometimes. Some people are prejudiced, and that is not on you. Got it?”

His lips twitched with humor this time. “Yes ma’am.”

You scoffed but stood with a little wince. Your head was really aching now.

“One more thing, before you go.”

“Yes?” You stood a little straighter.

“Timeline got pushed up on a mission. We’ll be going to another base for a week, approximately.” His expression was blank as he looked at you.

“And I’ve been ordered to go with.” You breathed out slowly. It made sense. You could run interference when necessary, maybe have a chance to educate a few more people, help smooth some things over. “Okay. When are we leaving?”

“Wheels up at 0800 tomorrow morning.”

That did make you groan softly. That wasn’t a lot of prep time. “Right. Um, where do I meet you?”

Price huffed softly, though you couldn’t tell if he was amused or disapproving. Or both. “I’ll have Gaz escort you if you can be ready by 0730.”

“Can do.” You nodded to him (carefully) and left his office. You had a few things to do now, after all.

Packing, fortunately, didn’t take all that long. You snuck a few snacks in your duffel, in case you (or one of the pack) needed them.

And then you went to the rec room and folded the blanket, stuffing it in its own bag. Also just in case.

By the time you made it back to your room, your energy was waning. You dropped both bags next to your door, set an alarm on your phone, and collapsed into bed.

#born for greatness #john price x reader #john price x you #f!reader

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babymetaldoll · 1 month

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Are you mine? - Chapter 1: I'm a puppet on a string

A/N: Ok guys, here we go! Thank you all for your love and support, and most of all, for waiting for this last book. Summary: We are starting on season 15 for a little sneak peak of our lovebirds getting ready for their last day at the BAU. Spencer and his cherie have been married for some time now, and things are going great, until they don't, as they usually do. Let's join for a big flashback and understand all that happened from season 9 to season 15 that lead them to their last day at the BAU. Word count: 7.680 words. Warnings: Alcohol consumption, fluff, angst, confusion and babies.

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Spencer's point of view

Thomas Merton once wrote, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

Life has never been this good, not like this. I know I haven't slept well in over seven years, due to the constant demands of parenthood, but I don't mind. In fact, I think I love it. I was not a good sleeper before becoming a dad if we are sincere. But waking up ten times every night to change diapers, check for monsters under the bed, or scoot over and allow my kids to sleep next to me, kicking my ribs for the entire night has never been a problem. Because they are my babies, and I would do anything for my kids.

I no longer have every night during the week to bury my head in hundreds of books. I haven't read more than a few every week since Raven was born, seven years ago. Now, my evenings are filled with baby rambles and kids' voices as we play games and read bedtime stories.

My kids. I never thought I could ever say those words. And now look at me, father of three healthy, bright, and beautiful kids. Not even in my wildest dreams I ever imagined being alive could be so fulfilling. Now I have an honest reason to be a better person every day. My babies. My wife. My family. They are my whole life.

I have everything I ever dreamt of: me and (Y/N) have been married for almost nine years. Nine years of waking up next to her, good morning kisses, and cuddles. I still find it hard to believe that she is my wife. The love of my life. The woman I would die for. Just ask me and I will give up everything for her safety and happiness. Yes, as cheesy as it sounds. And with our career choice, a decision that we've had to make more times than we imagined.

Our eldest daughter, Raven Marie, turned seven this year. She is bright and cheerful. She is just like her mother: a natural leader and the light of my day. Vincent is four years old, and he was born an artist. He loves painting and drawing, especially on the walls when no one is watching. We enjoy our trips to the museum together, even more if we get ice cream afterward. And baby Matilda is just three months old. I love holding her in my arms as she sleeps safe and sound. It makes the whole world stop. And the way her big brown eyes stare at me, I swear she can understand every word I say. The three of them make me feel loved in a way I never even imagined.

We live in a beautiful house just outside town, which is perfect for raising our family. It has a large backyard where our kids can play. It even has a tree, so I plan to build a treehouse next summer, probably with Mikey's and Frank's help.

This is everything I always dreamed of and never thought I could have. That is why (Y/N) and I decided we would never let anything jeopardize what we have accomplished. There is nothing more important to us than our babies.

That is why it's time to leave the BAU for good.

Today is our last day as Supervisory Special Agents with the FBI. And though I always thought if this day ever came, I would be devastated, I'm looking forward to this new stage in our lives. As long as we have each other, everything is going to be ok.

I roll in bed and stare at my darling wife asleep beside me. I take in all her features, nose, and closed eyes fluttering occasionally. There are a few gray hairs already showing, stressing her out. I find them sexy if you ask me. We are already 39 years old, I have a few gray hairs myself. My wife's skin looks so soft, so tempting. I wanna mark her mine again, leaving sweet bruises from her neck to her breasts, which are almost exposed underneath her pajamas. The hickies I did last week are barely visible anymore.

But before I get into action to wake (Y/N) with hot kisses all over her body, sweet blabbing sounds coming from the small crib next to our bed catch my attention. Our baby girl is already awake. It's still too early for Matilda to open her eyes, so I roll in bed and hold my baby daughter, rocking her in my arms as we walk around the room.

- "Good morning, Jelly Bean."- I whisper and kiss her forehead- "Thank you for almost letting us sleep through the night last night. Your mom and I have a decisive day today."- Tilly stares at me with her big chocolate eyes and smiles as her tiny finger holds mine tight.

- "Yes baby. Today is your parent's last day working at the BAU, after over fifteen years of service for your mom and seventeen for me."

The words should shock me, or maybe even cause angst or pain. But nothing could be farther from the truth. I'm excited to become a full-time professor at Georgetown, come home every night, and spend time with my kids. No more travels unless they are on vacation, no more chasing psychopaths. I'm ready to leave that life behind me and take care of my loved ones daily.

I walk around the house, enjoying how it's still silent. Holding Tilly close against my chest, I open Vincent's door and watch him sleeping on his little bed. I walk over and cover him with his blanket, knowing in about forty minutes he will be running downstairs, demanding breakfast. Today is hotcakes Friday, I could start the batter and get the coffee ready after I put an eye on the kids.

I head to Raven's room and find her awake. She is sitting on her bed, holding her teddy bear hidden behind Moby Dick.

- "Birdie, what are you doing awake? it's six in the morning"- I whisper as I walk over to her and she widens her eyes, clearly busted.

- "Sorry dadda. I just woke up. I swear."

- "What happens when we don't get enough REM sleep?"- I ask her as I sit by her side, and take her book from her tiny hands.

- "It interferes with memory formation, altering my learning process."

- "Very good. So if you know why you must have nine hours of sleep, why are you awake so early?"- my older daughter giggles and hides underneath her blanket for a moment. I wait for her to show me her face one more time as she whispers.

- "I wanted to know what happened to the giant whale."

- "But this is our bedtime story, Raven. We have to read it together every night."- I try to look serious, but frankly, I feel so proud. I love being able to share my passion for reading with my daughter. Raven fixes her pillow underneath her head and covers herself with her purple blanket.

- "But I'm no longer sleepy, dadda."

- "Just close your eyes for a bit, Birdie. Try to rest and I'll make breakfast. I'll call you when the food is ready, ok?"

- "Can we read two chapters tonight, dadda? Please?"- she looks at me with pleading eyes as I place the book back on her bedside table.

- "Only if you get some more sleep now, ok?"

- "Fine... good night dadda... or is it good morning already?"- I chuckle and kiss her forehead.

- "If you are going to sleep, we still say good night, birdy."

Sometimes I'm sure I'll wake up alone at my old apartment, all this would have been a dream. I never imagined I would love something or someone more than I loved my work. The FBI was my life for so long. But this, my babies, my wife sleeping safe and sound in our house, that means more than anything I could ever achieve at the bureau.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I wake up in bed and immediately feel the cold, empty space beside me, and I don't like it. I'm used to waking up with the warmth of Spencer's arms around me or any of my kids hovering over the covers or sleeping on me. But not today. Today, I am alone on this gigantic bed, and neither my children nor my husband are in sight.

The sweet sound of my kids' laughter somewhere in the house and the smell of hotcakes catches my attention in a second. I could get used to waking up like this. No text warning me that we have to catch a serial killer. No one is trying to hurt my family. No psycho plotting to ruin our lives. Just us in our house, living our sweet dreams.

The last couple of years have been rough, to call it somewhat. Everything we ever tried to avoid from working at the BAU hit us. For a moment it felt like everything that could go wrong, did. And when I say "everything", I mean it. But I don't wanna think of those dark times, I don't wanna start this last day with sorrow. I wanna start it with coffee, hotcakes, and sweet kisses from my babies.

- "Something smells extra good in here!"- I walk into the kitchen and find Spencer flipping hotcakes in a pan, as Raven and Vincent are sitting at the table, eating already and chatting nonstop. My husband smiles as I walk to him and kiss his lips sweetly.

- "How are you today Tilly?"- I whisper as I stare at her, she is asleep against Spencer's chest, in a baby wrap we got when Raven was born, and that my husband loves beyond life itself. Try to take it from him, it's impossible. He loves carrying our kids around in that thing. And when they are too old to fit in, he just carries them on his shoulders or arms all over.

- "One day they will be too big or too embarrassed to be seen like that with me"- he explained to someone, probably some of my aunts or cousins, who argued he was spoiling them rotten. - "And I wanna enjoy every chance I get before we reach that point in life."

Now, if you ask me, I don't think our kids will ever get tired of their dad. They love him too much.

- "Mama! dadda made chocolate chip hotcakes!"- Vinny is clearly running on sugar right now- "They are tasty!"

- "I'm sure they are! They smell delicious!"- I grab a cup and fill it with freshly made coffee- "Can I get you more coffee, hon?"

- "Yes, please ma cheriè."- I pour two cups and add sugar to my husband's as he prepares a dish with hotcakes and scrambled eggs for me and one for him as well.

- "Someone went an extra mile with this breakfast today. Thank you hon"- I kiss him again and take both dishes.

- "It's a special day. You deserve the best breakfast."

- "Well, I'm gonna cook you the best dinner then" - I wink at him and look at our kids- "Are you ready for school, Birdie?"

- "Yeah. I'm excited because in math we are starting to do multiplications! Finally!"- our daughter is honestly happy about math, which I know she didn't get from me.

- "Multiplications? Why were you looking forward to that?"- Spencer asks her, as I help Vinny cut his hotcakes.

- "Because Uncle Frank said we are good at multiplication in this family, so I wanna learn all about it."

I keep my poker face and nod at my oldest daughter, trying to pinpoint any kind of scenario where Frank might have said that to her. Spencer stares at me with wide-open eyes as he clears his throat and sips his coffee.

- "Yeah, math is really fun!"- that's all I can say- "Which is your favorite subject, Vinny?"

- "Art"- I am not shocked.

- "Are you planning on making a new drawing for my desk?"- Spencer asks our son, who takes a few seconds to reply and gives him an honest answer.

- "No, Aunty Lu asked me to do one for her fridge, because her baby can't draw anything yet."- I smile and nod.

- "We should work on that drawing this weekend then."- I say to my boy and kiss the top of his head. I love that my kids know Lu, Frank, and Mikey are also family.

Lu got married a few years ago and last month she had her first baby. I haven't seen her in a few weeks because things have been crazy for both of us, but we text daily. A lot has changed, but our friendship remains the same. Mikey got married as well, to a girl he met at work. They have been together for five years and have a baby girl. I have never seen him this happy before, and it fills my heart with joy to know he is living the life he always dreamed of.

Meanwhile, Frank is still single. Not shocking news, I know. He has a steady girlfriend though, and they are very happy. He and Tarah have been together since Spencer and I got married, and they have the cutest dogs and cats I've ever seen.

- "Ok kids, let's get ready for school."- I put the dishes in the sink and watch our kids run upstairs. Spencer smiles as he finishes his last sip of coffee and I walk to him to take Tilly in my arms.

- "I'm gonna get this little lady ready to spend the day with Nana Sofia so you can take a quick shower, ok?"

- "Thank you, ma cherie."

- "No, thank you for breakfast, Daddy."- I whisper and kiss his coffee-tasting lips as he stares at me, raising an eyebrow subtly. I am teasing him, and I know it. But I can't help it. I love it when he stares at me with those hungry eyes.

- "We have some extra time, in case you wanna join me in the shower."- Spencer whispers and stands in front of me, wrapping his arms around mine, and moving his hands up and down my back, underneath my pajamas.

- "Mom!!"- Raven yells from upstairs- "Vinny got back into his bed and said he won't go to school today!"

- "Hold that thought until tonight."- I sigh and peck his lips- "Take that shower while I get the kids ready."

- "Fine, but you owe me, Mrs. Reid."- I chuckle at his words and shake my head, walking out of the kitchen with our baby secure in my arms.

- "Dr. Reid, I'm keeping count, and as far as I remember, you owe me, big time."

Spencer's point of view

As I drive to our last day at work after dropping the kids at school and Tilly with (Y/N)'s mom, I start to do the math of how many times I've driven us to work in the last few years. Plus all the times I took the subway to get there, before we got married. I know during all those times I never imagined how the last time would feel like. I never even imagined this day would ever come until Raven was born. Ever since I knew she was coming, I seriously considered dropping the life I knew to do anything else. Something that didn't include putting my and my wife's life in danger daily.

After we got married, (Y/N) and I spent a few years trying to catch up with all the time we wasted not confessing our feelings. There wasn't much left to know about each other that we didn't deal with being friends, but being a couple was a completely different thing. Our job came with certain unconventional situations, to call it somewhat. Like the day I realized how badly I wanted to be a dad, after delivering a baby in front of an unsub.

It happened almost eight years ago, not long before we discovered we were going to become parents for the first time. I remember I was out for a drink with Rossi, who had taken very seriously his job to help me transition from a single man with no clue about dates, to a man married to the woman of his dreams.

That night he took me to one of his favorite bars, which apparently had seen better days. It was old, dirty, and mostly empty, except for a very old guy singing karaoke at the back of the room, and some regulars.

- "That's where I saw Carolyn for the first time."- Dave pointed at a table in a corner, where a guy seemed to have passed out. I widened my eyes and looked at him, not impressed.

- "No offense, Rossi, but this place is kind of a dump."- of course, he was offended.

- "Oh, back then it wasn't."- he argued and tried to sell me the place - "Back then, the biggest names would come here: Creedence, The Eagles, Chicago. It was a Marine bar. They played for us jarheads."

- "What was Carolyn doing here?"- I asked, trying to focus on the story and not on the number of bacteria in every glass in that bar.

- "Waiting for Ringo."- Rossie replied as I stared at him surprised. - "Beatlemania was no joke. I mean, it would make the women crazy. She'd write them a letter once a week, begging the band to come visit."

I smiled thinking that sounded like something (Y/N) might have done as well, though instead of writing letters, she would tweet her favorite band and spam them with messages begging for a show in town.

- "Did they ever come?"- I asked and Rossi nodded, with a smile.

- "Ringo did, after his divorce. But luckily, Carolyn met me first. But that's how we all became friends."- I was about to add something when the waitress arrived with our second round.

- "Devil honey for Dave and a light beer for the kid."- I smiled at her and whispered a shy thank you as she left the bottle in front of me. I was about to sip it when the sound of a text message coming from David's phone reminded me duty ruined most of our fun times.

- "Oh, on second thought, Helen... it's Garcia."- Rossi announced and looked at me.

- "So much for a night off."- I sighed and left the bottle back on the table, untouched.

- "You better bring us the bill."

- "Ok. That'll be 10 bucks."- the waitress replied quickly, and I moved to grab my wallet, but David stopped me.

- "No, you can charge us for the drinks we didn't have. Drinks are on me, kid."

- "Everything's marked down until it's all gone."- the waitress announced and showed us a banner announcing Rossi's favorite place was closing in a few days.

- "Oh, you can't close! This place is history!"- he argued immediately, shocked by the news.

- "Unfortunately, Dave, history doesn't pay the bills."- Helen, the waitress, replied and shook her head as Rossi sighed, defeated.

- "Marines used to be big business!"- he said and looked at me, I don't know if waiting for words of support or just trying to convince me.

- "Still are. That's why three new bars opened up across the street."- Helen explained and then asked- "What's that thing they say about competition?"

- "It breeds success?"- I told her, but she cut me off.

- "It sucks."

- "Well..."- Rossi stood up and I followed, grabbing my jacket- "Keep the change."

- "Thank you, Dave."- Helen smiled and looked at him for a few seconds, giving him a knowing look, and then walked away.

- "I hate to see this place go."- Rossi said to me as he stood there, staring around him at all the memories he had in that place. I tapped on his shoulder and walked out of the bar.

- "We could come back again after we solve this case."- I suggested, trying to cheer him up. - "Bring the rest of the team, enjoy one last drink here. I'm sure (Y/N) and García would love to hear all the stories this place has."

When we reached the BAU that night, (Y/N) was already there with Blake, García, and Hotch. I walked toward my wife and held her hand.

- "Ma cherié, did you get to enjoy your evening at home?"- I whispered and she sighed.

- "I prepared the perfect bathtub, got myself a glass of wine, and I had a brand new book to enjoy. And it all went to waste."- she pouted and I ran my thumb down her cheek a few times, caressing her soft skin.

- "I'm sorry, chipmunk."- the rest of the team joined us in the briefing room, which forced us to be professional and move from each other a little bit- "We could take a bath together after we solve this case."

- "That sounds so nice." - (Y/N) sighed and smiled at me. - "How was your night out with Rossi?"- she asked as we sat around the table in the briefing room.

- "We had fun, we have to go to the bar he took me"

- "Was it good?"

- "No, actually it was old and dirty, but it's his favorite and it's closing."- she chuckled as Rossi turned to me, from the other side of the table, looking absolutely offended.

- "It's a very respectable place! You are lucky you visited it!"

- "That's why I'm telling my wife we should go!"- I replied, doing my best not to laugh. I knew he was affected by the closing news.

- "And we will, you don't have to tell me twice."- (Y/N) said quickly- "If there is booze and Rossi approves, I'm dying to go."

That case was in Boston, a psychotic was on the loose and had already killed three men and stolen their wallets. Though nothing tied the victims together, our guy was on a mission, and it was more likely to strike again before we got there.

We were already in the jet, going through the briefs and trying to find anything that could lead us to find this guy quickly.

- "We need to determine where he's finding his victims."- Hotch said, and I locked eyes with my wife, who was sitting next to me.

- "Geographically speaking, none of the victims live near one another, but they were all killed downtown, which is where the unsub likes to operate."- I said as she nodded, but before (Y/N) could say something, Blake commented.

- "That fits with where Maxford works, but not with the other two victims."

- "His area of control, while relatively small, includes a number of residential and commercial buildings."- I started rambling out loud.

- "Can you do the math that might help us?"- my wife suggested.

- "Well, factoring in a 3-mile radius in a city with a population of 636, 479 over 48.28 miles, we're looking at approximately 39,549.23 people living in his comfort zone."- I blurted out and (Y/N) kept staring at me with a sweet smile, as the rest of the team looked at each other like I was a freak.

- "How many of them are male?"- Morgan asked me and I replied in a blink.

- "18.944,08."

- "Garcia, start with the victim's known associates."- Hotch commanded as I felt (Y/N)'s hand on mine, intertwining our fingers.

- "Your brain is so fucking hot"- my wife whispered and I chuckled, embarrassed- "I love hearing you do math on anything."

- "Never let her go, kid"- Rossi overheard her words and smiled at us. I guess so did JJ, 'cos she looked at us with a funny stare in her eyes before standing up and walking to the kitchen to get herself a cup of tea.

Our guy was Tanner Johnson, and he was in fact, on a mission. He wanted to gain his ex-wife's trust back again to prove to her that he could take care of her and her new baby after their 10-year-old Jeremy had died. He wanted to be a good father, and in a way to protect everybody who lived under his roof, he started killing people who he thought were a bad influence for them and even kept a scrapbook, filled with proof of his murders.

I remember being in a van with Morgan, on our way to Mrs. Johnson's house, where she was being kept against her will by our unsub. (Y/N) was with JJ and Blake in another van, as Rossi and Hotch stayed back at the station, watching the surveillance cameras Tanner kept, still streaming everything that was happening in his old family home.

We just made it in time before Mrs. Johnson had the baby, and I was glad for once I had memorized all of the delivery manuals I had come across when JJ was pregnant, just in case she went into labor on the field.

- "Hannah, how far apart are your contractions?"- I put my gun down as I stood in front of Mrs. Johnson and Tanner, who had a knife against her throat. Morgan kept pointing at him, but I knew he didn't have a clean shot.

- "They're constant!"- the poor woman in labor screamed in pain. I looked at Derek and shook my head. I knew I had to do something quickly.

- "The baby's coming now!"- I announced the obvious, knowing the entire team was listening, and hoped for the best.

- "Look, man, your baby is about to be born. Now, we want to help you, but you need to put that weapon down."- Morgan tried to dialogue with Tanner, but it was impossible. He wasn't going to cooperate.

- "No! This is my child! I'm not leaving it!"- the unsub shouted, so I slowly moved closer, put on a pair of gloves, and took a deep breath staring at Mrs. Johnson, trying to get her to mimic my breathing.

- "Hannah, I need you to breathe deeply. Breathe deeply."-

I kneeled in front of her and did my best to look as confident as possible, though deep down I was so freaked out I was hoping I wasn't going to keep any memories of that moment.

- "Hannah, I need you to start pushing..."- I whispered, but she refused.

- "I can't."

- "Yes, you can, baby, just like with Jeremy."- the unsub tried to help, but she didn't want anything from him.

- "This is not helping!"- Hanna mumbled under her breath, she was in so much pain that I knew I had to find a way to get him away from her as soon as possible.

- "Tanner, you need to let her go. The stress isn't good for the baby. If Hannah doesn't start pushing now we could lose the child."- I commanded him, but he kept the knife against her neck and refused to move.

- "I have to watch him. I have to keep him safe."- he argued and stared at me as if I was a threat to the baby's security.

- "Like you did with Ashley?"- Derek caught his attention, which left me focused on the baby.

- "That was an accident. I didn't mean to."- Tanner mumbled

- "I know you didn't. Accidents happen. What happened with Jeremy was an accident, right?"- Derek continued talking, and I knew he had hit a very sensitive string in the unsub. It could only help us or put the baby's safety in jeopardy.

- "If I'd have been there I could have helped him."- Tanner was taken by those words and his whole shift. That was the key to helping Hanna. So I took advantage of his concern.

- "Guys, something's wrong."- I tried my best to look convincing. - "The umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's throat."- I didn't want to trouble Hanna, but I had to do something.

- "No!"- Tanner yelled right away, as well as his poor wife.

- "Well, Reid, do something."- Morgan got it right away, and kept his eyes glued on Tanner as I continued lying.

- "I need something to cut the cord with, quickly!"

My words came as urgent as it was needed, and Tanner didn't hesitate to give me the knife to cut the cord. In two seconds, Morgan grabbed him and started taking him out of the room, as the unsub yelled and tried to fight back. Just then, (Y/N) walked in with JJ and Blake, and she quickly kneeled next to me.

- "Don't worry, Hannah, your baby's doing fine, but you need to keep pushing. Ready?"

- "Medics are on their way."- my wife announced, but I shook my head and continued doing my work.

- "We can't risk moving her now. We'll have to deliver the baby here."

- "Oh, God!"- Hanna yelled and (Y/N) quickly held her hand after putting a pillow underneath her back.

- "It's gonna be ok, Hanna, trust him, he is a doctor."- I looked at my wife for a second and though I knew she meant it as words of reassurance for the victim, they worked for me as well.

- "Come on! squeeze her hand as hard as you can and push"- I said and watched her struggle to do it.

- "Oh, I can't. I can't."

- "Yes, you can! You're doing great!"- (Y/N) said and rubbed Hanna's hand on her- "You are amazing!"

- "Yes! you're doing great. I can see the head! Keep pushing! Keep pushing!"

It didn't take much for the baby to come out. I held him in my hands, (Y/N) helped me cut the umbilical cord, and we wrapped him in a blanket that was lying around on a couch. Medics arrived and took care of Hanna while my wife held the newborn with tears in her eyes.

- "You are amazing Spencer."- she whispered as the two of us kept our eyes on the baby- "I can't believe you just did that."

- "I wouldn't have done it without you, ma cherie."- I replied and kissed her temple.

- "You are not delivering our babies, by the way."- she said after a few seconds and chuckled- "I'm gonna need all the epidural they can give me."

And just like that, the thought was inside my brain like a disease that wouldn't stop spreading. It wasn't like I hadn't thought about having babies with (Y/N). I had imagined a future with her in many ways possible. And that was exactly the point: at that moment in our lives, it was possible. And the overwhelming amount of things that could go wrong was impossible to overlook. They were there each time I looked at her.

Ever since we got married, the possibility of having kids has been present in our lives. We weren't officially trying, but I knew it was something we were both thinking about. And for a moment, it was perfect. Until I remembered there was a chance our kids could inherit my mother's schizophrenia. I know that disease tends to run in families, and though studies show there is no single gene to be responsible, the possibility of having kids with that disease was real. And I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever put (Y/N) through any painful situation.

So I tried not to bring the subject up after we came back home, and for a few days, it worked. Until, well, it didn't.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I knew there was something wrong with Spencer as soon as we hopped back into the jet from Boston. He delivered that baby and something triggered him. I didn't want to pressure him, so I acted like a good wife and let him process the events at his own pace. I assumed it had something to do with the whole experience of delivering that kid and the fact we had talked a few times about having our own little family, but probably that whole moment had been eye-opening for him.

What if he didn't want to have kids anymore? What if he wasn't as ready as I felt? I was ready to quit taking the pill. I wanted to start trying to get pregnant. I wanted a little Spencer to love and take care of. Teach them all the things I knew. Watch them grow... I was fully ready to be a mom, and somehow I was scared to bring it up to Spencer. I was afraid he didn't want to anymore.

And then, the team made sure to force us into the conversation the Friday night we were all out together. We were at Rossi's favorite marine bar, the one he had brought my husband earlier in the week. Penelope and I gathered a bunch of people from the FBI and invited them over to say farewell to a piece of Washington's history. We also told them Rossi was buying the drinks, which explains why it was packed.

- "So, let's toast"- I said and raised my glass. The entire team and my husband were there with me, to enjoy our free night- "To spend more evenings together with family."

- "And to Dr. Spencer Reid, who may be adding M. D. to an already impressive list of credentials."- Hotch added, looking at my husband, who blushed, embarrassed.

- "And to Spencer Johnson, may he prove to be the child prodigy like his namesake."- Derek added- "I'm shocked there is a kid named after you out there before you two even have your first baby."

I know I smiled because little Spencer was a very cute and healthy baby, and I was (and still am) proud my husband helped deliver him. But the guys didn't stop teasing us after that.

- "And when are we going to have baby geniuses running around the BAU?"- Garcia asked- "I am ready to start knitting and spoiling your kids!"

- "Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't knocked your wife up already!"- and Morgan was on board with the joke- "I mean, are you doing things properly?"

- "Stop!!"- I nearly covered my ears with my hands

- "Emily said she'd happily fly from London just to assist with the baby shower I'm throwing you."

- "Penelope, I am not even pregnant yet."- I tried to reason with her, but it was useless.

- "You just said so, yet. But you will. Please! you'd make the cutest little munchkins!"- Garcia stared at me pouting.

- "Come on, don't pressure them."- Hotch tried to be the voice of reason, but it was impossible.

- "I'm sure Henry would love having a little cousin"- JJ smiled at us and sipped her drink.

- "Come on! This night is not about us."- Spencer chuckled, clearly awkward with the conversation, and raised his glass of whisky- "To Dave Rossi!"- and luckily, everybody else followed.

- "I still can't believe you guys did this."- Dave was surprised the place was packed

- "We wanted to make sure you had one last proper goodbye."- I assured him and felt his arm around me.

- "Grazzie, carissima!"

- "And I may or may not have posted on the Quantico message boards that all the drinks are on you tonight."- Garcia confessed, making us all laugh, busted.

- "And they are, indeed. Thank you very much!"- Dave added and we all raised our glasses again. The guys continued talking, but Spencer's eyes captured my whole attention. He was staring at his hands, holding his glass. He seemed concerned about something he clearly was overthinking. So I let David's arm go and walked closer to my husband.

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered, resting my hand on top of his. He slightly jumped and looked at me, surprised.

- "Yeah, sorry. I zoned out a little. I'm exhausted."

- "Do you wanna go home?"

- "No, it's Rossi's night..."- Spencer smiled with his teeth, but not with his eyes.

- "The guys..."- but before I could continue talking, I felt JJ's hand grabbing me and my husband and crawling us to the stage.

- "Come on guys!! Karaoke time!"- she commanded, as she gave us a mic, and Rossi started singing Billy Joey's "Piano Man". I looked around me, chuckling, 'cos the whole scene was surreal. The entire FBI quarters was in that bar, drinking and singing along as my friends and I sang karaoke. And Hotch even made a video.

Spencer held my hand as he tried to read the lyrics of The Piano Man, and I stared at him remembering the day he proposed. That was one of the most romantic things he had ever done. And watching him sing karaoke in that bar brought me back a million memories. We had grown so much already, that I felt we were ready to take our relationship to the next level: parenting. But somehow, I was scared to ask my husband if he wanted to have a baby with me.

As the night progressed, and Penelope got drunker and drunker, she continued to ask us about kids. She was very excited and eager to become an aunt. Apparently, our baby geniuses were what her life was lacking. Rossi was pretty drunk too, he sang a lot of Sinatra and even dragged Hotch on stage with him for a duet. I had a few whiskeys myself trying to find the courage to face my husband, who had a few drinks as well but kept doing his best to mask the fact something was bothering him.

Until I couldn't stand it anymore.

- "Ok, come here."- I grabbed Spencer's hand and dragged him through the crowd. I heard Morgan teasing us but I paid little attention to what he said. I just looked for a quiet spot in that packed bar, which ended up being the alley outside and asked my husband.

- "What is hunting that pretty brain of yours?"- and he stared at me with wide-opened eyes, trying to come up with something to deny what was obvious to me.

- "How much did you drink, chipmunk? I'm ok."

- "No you are not, you haven't been ok since we came back from the last case. So come on, spit it. I don't wanna dance around this for days until we both do something stupid or say something hurtful. Just say it, what is eating you alive?"

Spencer stared at me and finished his drink- a light beer- his eyes were so sweet and yet filled with fear. What was so scary that he couldn't share with me?

- "I hate that you know me so well sometimes"- he whispered and looked down at his shoes

- "No you don't. You love it."- I teased him and smiled as I walked closer and rested my hands on his waist- "Come on honey bunny. You know you can tell me anything."

- "I know."

- "So? Are you gonna tell your wife what's wrong?"- I whispered and Spencer finally looked at me. His puppy eyes could melt the coldest heart, and make my knees shake.

- "Let me ask you this"- he whispered after a few seconds of a very deep silence- "When you married me, did you ever think that my family's illness history might affect our kids?"

I stared at him confused. Which was that illness' history he was talking about? As far as I knew, it was just his mother's schizophrenia. Was there something else he never told me about?

- "What?"- I simply asked and Spencer stared at me like the answer was obvious- "You mean Diana?"- he nodded and looked back at his feet again, embarrassed he brought it up.

- "I just... can't stop thinking I could never forgive myself if our kids inherit any of..."- he stopped talking and shook his head, unable to even finish that sentence.

- "Where is this coming from? Why are you thinking about these kinds of things?"

I held his hand and kissed it, his eyes were still glued to his feet, not moving. A few curls of hair fell down his forehead, giving him an angelic look.

- "I never even considered it, Spencer. Not even once. Every time I think about our kids, I dream of them running around, catching bugs, and eating cookies"- I tell him my truth. I never considered Diana's schizophrenia as something we could even think about when it came to our kids. Why should we? You can't predict any disease and fear was not going to stop me from having my own family.

Spencer held my left hand and kissed my ring finger, a sweet gesture he did quite often, especially when something was troubling him.

- "I would never forgive myself if any of them inherited a disease from me."- the way Spencer whispered those words, so slowly, so scared. It moved me.

- "Honey, you won't..."

- "I just don't want to ruin their life"- his eyes filled with tears and his voice broke. My husband was honestly concerned about something that we couldn't even control. And I knew that meant that idea was eating him alive.

I remember walking with him from the back alley of a bar to our car parked on the other side of the street. It was late and everyone at the party was already drunk, so I didn't bother saying goodbye or telling anyone we were leaving.

Spencer and I sat in the back seat of our car and I held both of his hands as he kept trying not to cry. His jaw was tightened and his eyes glassy. It made me feel so guilty. My husband had been chewing those torturous thoughts the entire week, and I had been blind enough to think he was merely second-guessing having kids with me.

- "Spencer, I need you to look at me."- I whispered and held a finger underneath his chin, forcing his eyes to focus on mine. He bit his lip as I did my best to remain calm.

- "This is important, so please give your entire attention and eidetic memory."- I tried to joke, but he didn't smile or even move his face as I spoke.

- "Ever since I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of how amazing it would be having kids with you."- I said, and tears started falling from his eyes as I spoke. I had to pause and rearrange my thoughts, because watching him so affected made me think I was doing something wrong.

- "And you know that was way before we even started dating. Which means I've dreamed about having kids with you for a long time. And never, and I mean never, the thought of them inheriting any kind of trait from either of us has made me second guess or reconsider my dreams. I want a family with you, Spencer Walter Reid. I want to have your babies. I want to carry your children, a lot of them, as many as we can."

My husband cried and sobbed as I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. I didn't know what to do or what to say next. I just wanted to take all the pain away from him.

- "I just... I just want to make you happy."- he mumbled against my neck as I kept running my fingers through his hair and trying my best to be the support he needed at that minute.

- "You already make me happy, Spencer."- I kissed his cheek, not moving an inch away from him- "And I know our kids will make me even happier."

- "I just wish I knew they are going to be healthy."

- "They will be."- I assured him, not giving it much thought.

- "But how do you know?"

- "You are gonna be their dad. You will never let anything bad happen to them."- I affirmed, though it sounded more like an order to fate. - "And I'm gonna be their mom, I will always take care of our babies."

- "You are not scared?"- he asked softly and looked at me with teary eyes.

- "The only thing that scares me to death is the idea of you not wanting to have babies with me."- I confessed, and though he was the one crying, I felt embarrassed sharing my deepest fear.

- "I want so many babies with you. I've thought about it since we met."- my husband answered, and for a second, he smiled at me- "I was scared to bring it up, but... I'm so ready to be a dad."

- "Then please, let me make you a dad."- I was so eager to change his mood and lift his spirits, that I was almost ready to do it right there, in the back seat of our car. His lips found mine, and we sealed our pack, as his arms wrapped me tight and held me close to him.

We were finally ready to start our little family.

Next chapter

#spencer reid #criminal minds #babymetaldoll writes #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #criminal mind fanfic #diwk #r u mine #spencer reid x fem!Bau!reader

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The Gift, Pt. 3

Teyla discusses her dreams with Heightmeyer, and apparently they talk for quite a while. We get several scenes between them and because Teyla keeps having nightmares that confuse dream and reality, it is difficult to keep track of the actual timeline of the events. They do have several sessions, and they seem to have them at all hours of the day (and night). It's interesting that her 'gift' seems to be made into an allegory of homosexuality kind of like the X-Men in the 1990s (in how people fear and hate anything that is different):

Heightmeyer: Do many of your people have this ability? Teyla: Some. Among those few, some can sense the Wraith stronger than others. I have always been among the first to know they are coming. Heightmeyer: That makes you special. How does that make you feel? Teyla: I do not know. I suppose I have not given it much thought. Heightmeyer: Why not? Teyla: Why do some people have blue eyes and others brown?

Given that the motif of this episode is her attempting to deal with this thing that has made her different from her people from childhood onward, the fact that she is paralleled with McKay so hard in this particular episode is rather telling. Earlier, Teyla had a discussion with Beckett about this thing that has made her different being genetic in nature. In other words, she was born this way. They drive the point in further:

Heightmeyer: The truth is, people waste a lot of time trying to interpret their dreams. They're really just another way our brain thinks when we're asleep. There are no hidden meanings. In fact, we tend to forget most everything we dream about. Our conscious mind is capable of deciding what's most important to us. Teyla: Well, the fact that on some level I see myself as a Wraith is very disturbing to me. Heightmeyer: I think this special ability that you have, this talent for sensing the Wraith, connects you to them in your mind--maybe in a way you would like to deny. You said you hadn't really given it much thought in the past--I don't think that's true. Teyla: What am I supposed to do? I cannot change it. Heightmeyer: Probably not--but the unknown frightens us. We all like to feel in control, even though most of the time our power over most things is just an illusion. But I find the more we know about something, the more we can convince ourselves we are in control of it.

Encouraged by her conversation with Heightmeyer she decides to dig deeper into her past, visiting the mainland to speak with one of their elders. She learns some Athosian wraith lore and we then find her sitting in Weir's office, telling Weir and Sheppard about her discoveries.

Sheppard has apparently returned from the Alpha Site, and again we don't know when or what he has been doing in the meantime. Where Teyla and Weir are seated on the opposite sides of her desk, he is standing by the side of the door facing Teyla, arms folded, kind of behind Weir but twisted in a way that he actually manages to have his body (especially his pelvis) turned away from the both of them. All I'm saying is that it defies all laws of probability that this keeps happening by chance or accident. Acting choices are being made.

Given what we later learn about Sheppard's past later (both with regards to his father and what happened in Afghanistan), Sheppard has a curious reaction to the thought of people being sent away from their homes:

Teyla is sharing all of this with Weir because she feels that the leader of the expedition needs to know about this fascinating new information she has learned, and Sheppard is there as her superior. And to his credit, Sheppard is taking her side, being the supportive leader that he is clearly intending to be at this time. He does seem very concerned, listening to her. Not so much over the content of her story as the fact that she is so agitated over it. To him, he explicitly tells us in the following scene, this is about trying to help her put this behind her so that she can sleep, so that they all can sleep. It's not that she believes her or even cares if what she says is true, it's that he can see it's bothering her and figures this might help.

Sheppard still seems to be deferring to Weir's leadership, allowing her to call the shots even though this is becoming more and more a purely military matter. Here, he offers Weir only his advice while taking the side of his team member. He also only looks at Weir out of the corner of his eye, doesn't properly turn to look at her once. Further, he is starting to feel desperate enough that he is willing to grasp at any straws he can reach. He does not let it show because it doesn't help their situation at all but because he (just like McKay) realizes much better than most how much trouble they are in, he is really quite distressed. He is hanging on by a thread. The desperation is starting to creep in.

Teyla: I have the address to the planet where this happened. Charan says the village is long gone. All that is left are ruins but still, I wish to go there. Weir: Now? Teyla: I believe this must be coming to light now for a reason. Maybe we can find evidence of what really happened. Weir: Look, Teyla, there are a lot of things that we need to get done. Teyla: Maybe there is a way to fight the Wraith that we have yet to discover. Perhaps my ancestors were simply not enlightened enough to recognise their gift for what it was. Sheppard: Doesn't hurt to take a look around.

Now, Weir is absolutely correct in pointing out that they have so many better things to be doing right now. Sheppard has more important things to be doing, and he also takes McKay on this mission who definitely has more important things to be doing. The fact that Sheppard agrees to this when he is clearly expecting them to find nothing at all on the planet, basically a fool's quest, just tells us how important he finds it that Teyla gets some sleep. And Teyla getting some sleep is important to him because McKay getting some sleep is not only important to him personally, which it is, but is also important for the whole damn expedition. So he's willing to try pretty much anything at this point.

And so, the team find themselves on a nameless alien planet on a dark and stormy night.

We follow Ford who passes McKay, bent over looking at something and Sheppard is standing right behind him, seeming to be looking up at something. Definitely not looking at that behind. But he is, again, turned toward McKay, his eyes taking a tour by McKay as he turns to Ford. While Teyla and McKay appear to be looking around, Sheppard and Ford are just waiting for them to get done with it. In this, Teyla and McKay are again paralleled.

Ford doesn't see the point in being here any more than Weir did:

Ford: Sir, there's nothing here. Sheppard: I know. Ford: Well, it's dark. Shouldn't we be getting back? Sheppard: Give her a minute. Ford: Sir... Sheppard: Ford, I need her to put this behind her; get some sleep. We all do, so whatever it takes.

Make note how Sheppard draws Ford's attention to Teyla, gesturing at her to get Ford to look at her. And what does he do while he has Ford's attention on her? He looks back at McKay. His attention is so firmly on McKay that Ford actually has to to address him ('Sir?') to get him back to the conversation he thought they were having. Sheppard tells him that he needs Teyla to get this behind her (something Freudian perhaps in his choice of words given that McKay had his backside to him) but this scene, here, just tells us that while he is talking about Teyla, it is McKay that is Sheppard's first priority and actual source of concern. Yes, he likes looking at McKay at any and all times. But here, he isn't doing it just because that's where his eyes are drawn but because he is worried about the man. He is worried, and clearly distracted by his concern.

The thing is, Sheppard never expected to find anything on this planet or for these folk tales Teyla had heard among the Athosians to contribute anything to their coming stand against the wraith. His only motivation for bringing the entire team was to help Teyla put what ever is bothering her behind her so that she could get some sleep. He is so worried about her that he is willing to do "whatever it takes". They all need to get some sleep, he says. We haven't heard of Ford having any trouble getting rest, so it's doubtful the "all" here encompasses him. Members of the military have often developed strategies on getting sufficient rest even under battle field conditions so out of everyone on the expedition, they are the least likely to suffer lack of sleep at this time. Sheppard, of course, is among them and given that we have seen him sleep sitting on a chair previously, he probably is capable of sleeping under dire circumstances. But he says "we", counting himself among the people that needs to get some sleep. So what is the thing that's keeping him from getting sufficient sleep?

Sheppard's "we all" explicitly includes Teyla but it also very much seems to include McKay if only because Sheppard heard him complain about not having slept during the meeting. Likewise, we found McKay seeing Heightmeyer where Sheppard directed Teyla to speak with her about her trouble sleeping which allows for us to speculate that he might have done the same with McKay. And yes, McKay getting some sleep is important to everyone at this critical moment. But only a more intimate experience of McKay not sleeping well would explain Sheppard's own need to get some sleep. Crying ourselves to sleep is what McKay said. Trying to sleep next to someone that is having frequent nightmares would keep you from getting rest.

Sheppard can barely keep his eyes off of McKay for the duration of the explanation he gives Ford, returning to look at him on "what ever it takes". While they are on this planet for Teyla, Sheppard's concern is still mostly for McKay. His attention is mostly on McKay. His "what ever it takes" is clearly first and foremost for McKay. The way he looks at him here, brief though it is, is so loving that it leaves little room for doubt as to who Sheppard is really doing all of this for.

He doesn't let McKay see it, though, looking away as McKay turns and approaches him. He pretends to look up at the sky (again) for that short moment that McKay is facing him but as soon as he turns again, Sheppard returns his eyes on him. Then, he speaks his name either because McKay had just been not saying anything longer than he likes or because he noticed just from his body-language that McKay had discovered something (and Sheppard starts saying his name even before McKay raises his head so he is finely attuned to McKay's body-language):

Sheppard: Rodney? McKay: I've got something here. Ford: Really? McKay: I don't know...

McKay trails off, clearly trying to figure something out. It frustrates Sheppard when McKay doesn't use his words, when he doesn't explain things to him. He has such a need to share in his world. We see him trying to look over McKay's shoulder to see what he's looking at on his "magic Ancient device" and not for the last time. Then, we get another curious reference to their private life that is played out mainly through Sheppard's expressions:

McKay: I've got a little... Ford: You've got a little what? Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?! What? Oh, it's OK when you guys make fun of me!

I already discussed this scene in connection with The Brotherhood (S01E16). It shows us that Ford has misinterpreted Sheppard with regards to his attitude and general treatment of McKay.

There are several times that someone says something that kind of makes McKay the butt-end of a joke and we get a reaction shot from Ford. Often, it's Sheppard saying something to provoke a reaction out of McKay because he needs to have McKay's attention on himself pretty much all of the time (and because Ford looks up to his leader, it's only natural for him to want to emulate this behaviour), but it's not just Sheppard either. He finds it amusing when people poke fun at McKay, all mostly in good cheer.

Now, I don't think Ford dislikes McKay. They're just very different people and Ford does not seem to have enough life-experience to understand someone like McKay, to appreciate them as anything more than the magic science man. Back when they were playing the math game (Hot Zone (S01E12), Ford being made fun of mostly by Zelenka, he turns on him and says: "This is some sort of pay-back for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school, right?" He may or may not have actually done this when he was in a high school--he was clearly airing out his frustration when he said this--but there does seem to be some kind of a jock vs. nerd dynamic in his mind when it comes to the military and the science corps of the expedition. And he fully expects Sheppard to participate in this dynamic too, especially because the way he has interpreted things, Sheppard is constantly poking fun at McKay.

Only, Sheppard doesn't feel that way about scientists at all. We just heard him wax poetic in the defense of science in the meeting, expressing his belief that science can turn the tide of war. Science is what has put him into the sky and later into another whole damn galaxy so yes, he appreciates science and scientists even if he had no personal stake in them. And he very much does have a personal stake in one scientist in particular.

Here, Ford says "It's okay when you guys do it to me." But the thing is, we haven't really seen either of them make fun of Ford. In fact, Sheppard and McKay's interpersonal relationship is so insulated that it is difficult for anyone to interrupt their unending back-and-forth with each other. They don't pay attention to other people when they are around each other. And this is precisely the problem. It makes people around them feel like they are outsiders, like they're not a part of something. In fact, Ford referring to them as "you guys" just emphasizes the fact that even he thinks of the two of them forming a unit he is not a part of.

It seems obvious that Ford would like to be a part of their banter, would like to be on the inside. When he says "when you guys make fun of me" even though they don't really make fun of him, it's a kind of projection. He wishes they made fun of him with the same ease and affection that they do each other (even though making fun is not really what they have been doing with each other at all). He wants to be liked and respected by his superior and hence attempts to emulate what he thinks Sheppard so frequently does.

But as stated, Sheppard does not make fun of McKay. He teases McKay. His motivation has never been to belittle him in front of other people but to have his attention, to point out things he has noticed about McKay because he finds them endearing, to try to connect with him. People frequently misinterpret what Sheppard intends (an egregious example is the Superman incident in The Storm, S01E09; to Sheppard Rodney McKay is very much a hero) because, due to his inability to freely express his feelings, he often has to disguise genuine statements in layers sarcasm and flippancy. The more he cares about something the more he has to pretend like it is meaningless. He truly and honestly believes that his love is lethal so the more important something is to him the more has to project not caring like that would protect the object of his affection from the horrible fate he is inviting upon them. John Sheppard is messed up, is the thing. And not everyone can see through his façade--most people, in fact.

So, not only has it never been Sheppard's intention to make fun of McKay, we have seen, especially recently, that he is extremely protective of him. He cares about McKay a whole hell of a lot, regardless of how you interpret their relationship. Even in this very episode it is at least implied that McKay's inability to sleep plays a great part in motivating everything Sheppard does. Sheppard has killed actual people (including one innocent civilian) to protect McKay so suffice it to say that it's a pretty important thing to him. He was never going to join in on this with Ford. But more than that, Ford is making fun of McKay's manhood, his dick. It's crass, yes. It's against the bro-code. But it's also probably the worst possible topic to make fun of that you could pick with Sheppard. He can appreciate a good dick-pun but he has no sense of humour about that.

One, we are hinted multiple times over the seasons that McKay is well-endowed (and make note that even in this scene, he doesn't even notice the whole thing; he has so little complexes relating to his size that he's completely unfazed like the thought doesn't even occur to him that someone might be implying something like that) which is also something that Sheppard appreciates (again, whale dick, Echoes S03E12). Second, by this time Sheppard is not only well-acquainted with his dick, it is one of his favourite things. There's like a 50/50 chance that he's seen McKay's dick more recently than he has seen his own during this scene. Sheppard takes this personally, and he is well-within his rights in doing so. Ford would never have made a disparaging comment about Sheppard's own manhood because he looks up to him so much but it's entirely possible that would have been less offensive to him than that.

So anyway. In this scene, the fact that Sheppard is protective of Rodney McKay's dick is textualized. But because the dialogue is so fascinating, it's easy to miss the way Sheppard was looking at McKay just before he heard and/or got what Ford was saying. Again, with McKay having his back to him, he's so openly and nakedly looking at him. That man is so hopelessly in love with McKay, there is such yearning in his gaze. If we learned anything from the previous episode is that he knows now that he loves him but that he is afraid to speak its name. He knows that McKay can read things off of his face and it seems like this love is something that he doesn't want him to know about, doesn't want him to see. Because what if McKay looked at him the same way? What if he didn't look at him the same way? If he is turning into a teenage girl here it's only because he has never been in love like this before.

Sheppard just walks away from Ford without deigning him with an answer. And ford a second time, he calls Rodney by his name having again reverted to the thing where he communicates with him by only saying his name in different tones and expecting McKay to understand what he means by each iteration of his name.

Sheppard follows McKay and Teyla toward the rock face and, again, as McKay is turned away, he looks at him as he passes. He briefly feels up the solid rock wall, turns around and walks right back to McKay because apparently he really needs to be looking at what ever readings McKay has on his device like he could help figure them out. Or, you know. For some reason when ever he wants McKay to figure something out he needs to be up in his personal space, heads bent together real close.

Teyla seems to vanish inside a wall of solid rock, leaving the rest of them on the outside wondering what the hell just happened. Sheppard is worried about her since they seem to be unable to get to her. McKay tells him "Maybe she got a good running start--you know, really slam into it."

And while Sheppard looks really concerned as he turns back, this has even been described as a "black look" ("Sheppard gives McKay a black look") in many transcripts which, sure. But that's not the look he gives McKay, it's the look he has on him as he turns around. As soon as his mind registers what McKay actually said, he raises his brow like this isn't the time to be thinking about slamming into things. It's subtle, but he definitely caught the reference he thought McKay was making.

This seems similar to what happened back on the planet Dagan in The Brotherhood (S01E16) where McKay made an innocent comment that Sheppard interpreted as a double entendre. And here he is, leaning against a wall with his palms pressed against it and this man is talking about really slamming into it. We will see better examples of this in the future, McKay completely oblivious to how Sheppard hears what he says because his mind, no matter how dire the situation, is on sex. When McKay is around. The most hilarious example of this is in Lifeline (S04E02) when they are on the actual replicator homeworld, on the kind of mission where sex should really be the furthest thing from one's mind. And yet:

McKay: OK, let's jack it up, see how far we can penetrate. Sheppard: "Penetrate"? McKay: What?

Man. Buddy. Pal. Sheppard. Please get some chill.

So anyway, with Sheppard pushing his ass out toward McKay in a shot that is not suggestive of anything at all they stumble into an abandoned wraith lab, and the fabulous mystery deepens.

Continued in Pt. 4

#stargate atlantis #sga meta #sga #john sheppard #sheppard is bi #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #ep. the gift #ep. hot zone #ep. echoes #ep. lifeline #ep. the brotherhood #ep. the storm

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silverynight · 1 year

Text

The Sun hashira

<---Previous

Part II

At first Yoriichi thinks that not inviting them to his estate will be more than enough to keep them away, Michikatsu doesn't agree with him, but they try anyway.

Of course it's useless; they keep appearing to pay "them" a visit (although they all know they just want to see Tanjirou) and bring his son all kinds of gifts that unfortunately he likes very much.

At least Nezuko and Rui are on the same page as Yoriichi because they keep glaring at the Pillars every time they see them.

He tries to talk to Ubuyashiki about it, although the man seems to be really amused by the whole situation. However, he agrees to have a conversation about it with all the hashira.

Ubuyashiki decides to send a message to everyone and gather them for a meeting; he invites Yoriichi and Michikatsu as well since they're part of the problem.

"I believe the right thing to do would be to ask Tanjirou himself if he'd like to keep seeing us or not," Shinobu says at some point to which every single hashira agrees with a nod immediately.

Michikatsu rolls his eyes at them and even though Yoriichi would like to do the same, he knows at least one of them has to behave like the adult there.

"He's too young to decide for himself."

"He's eighteen," Giyuu reminds him, to which Yoriichi can help but respond with a growl.

They all know Tanjirou would agree in a heartbeat; he likes the Pillars and even if he didn't, he's too kind and gentle to say 'No' to anyone.

"I'm his father," Yoriichi says then; years ago he would have hesitated to say that, especially because Kie was still alive and he didn't want to overstep his bounds, but now that he knows he's the only thing that Tanjirou and his two siblings have, he won't hesitate anymore.

At least no one dares to argue with him about that.

"He's still an adult who can decide for himself," Tengen breaks the silence before smirking: "I married my three wives when they were eighteen, so Tanjirou is–"

"No," Michikatsu cuts him off with a snarl. "Don't say one more word."

"He's right, Tengen," Obanai scolds him. "Just shut up."

Yoriichi decides that the sound hashira is the one he dislikes the most at the moment. Although Sanemi tried to attack the box, he apologized to Tanjirou almost immediately afterwards.

"I think Tanjirou should have a say in this," Ubuyashiki finally cuts in. Michikatsu looks like he's about to protest, but Yoriichi puts a hand on his shoulder before he makes it worse. "However, Yoriichi has been Tanjirou's guardian and father for years now so his approval is very important."

"Then at least we should have the opportunity to prove ourselves," Gyomei says suddenly to which Yoriichi sighs in defeat. Yes, that's more than fair, even though he doesn't want to give them a chance.

The thought of someone taking his children away, even one of them scares him too much. And thinking that they could hurt Tanjirou makes his blood boil, even though he knows all of them are good people.

"That sounds fair," Ubuyashiki agrees. "Maybe you should come up with different kind of tests to determine if they're a good match for Tanjirou."

"Alright," Yoriichi takes a deep breath. "The first test is simple, the one who manages to defeat my brother gets to spend an hour with Tanjirou."

The only reason he doesn't do it on his own is because he doesn't trust himself not to kill them in the process.

Michikatsu looks like some sort of devil when he finally grins at the Pillars, but none of them seem to be afraid of him.

It's worse than Yoriichi thought; they're not just attracted to his Tanjirou, they're halfway in love with him.

"Deal." Shinobu agrees, which prompts Ubuyashiki to approve of it immediately.

Since his brother looks murderous, Yoriichi changes the rules and tells them that it's a hand to hand combat and the first one to hit the floor loses.

Of course Michikatsu easily starts defeating them one by one until... Well, neither Yoriichi nor his brother realized that Gyomei was that strong. Although they should've seen it coming.

The stone hashira is the first one to get a "date" with his son.

***

The day Himejima comes to pay them a visit, his uncle Michikatsu is in the estate too and he looks a little bit irritated the whole day.

Tanjirou wants to ask his uncle if he's okay, but he gets distracted when the stone hashira stops right in front of him (making him feel very small because the Pillar is very tall, the tallest person Tanjirou has ever seen) and gives him a beautiful necklace.

"For me?" The redhead asks, unsure, staring at the expensive piece of jewelry with a light blush on his cheeks.

"Yes, it's for you, Tanjirou." Himejima says, smiling kindly. "The woman who sells them told me it was beautiful. I hope you like it."

"I love it!" Tanjirou beams, taking Himejima's hand to lead him inside the house and make him some tea. "Come with me. I'll make you something to eat."

They stay inside, sitting next to each other, talking about training and meditation; Himejima gives him amazing advice about how to get to the next level of his training.

Tanjirou quickly realizes that he enjoys talking with the stone hashira a lot; the Pillars have been visiting them lately, although they spend all the time with Tanjirou and have to go quickly. This is actually the first time one of them stays that long and Tanjirou really hopes it's not the last time that happens.

"Can I touch your face again?" Himejima asks quietly, looking a little bit shy.

"Of course!" Tanjirou agrees immediately.

"I think it'd be better for you to sit on my lap," the hashira tells him.

"Sure," the redhead says, allowing Himejima to carry him and place him on his lap. Tanjirou's heart starts beating inside his chest like crazy, he's not sure why.

Himejima is very gentle, almost like he's afraid to hurt Tanjirou; his thumbs start stroking the boy's cheeks and forehead delicately before his index finger touches the tip of his nose.

It makes Tanjirou chuckle.

"You're beautiful."

"I'm not," the redhead mumbles, giggling again. "But thank you."

"I think you don't realize how pretty you are, Tanjirou."

Suddenly, his Dad appears in the room with a frown upon his face.

"Time's up," he says, almost growling.

"Dad!" Tanjirou moves away from Himejima, looking at Yoriichi like he can't believe it. "He's our guest!"

Immediately, Yoriichi's face softens as soon as his eyes meet Tanjirou's.

"It's alright, little one. Gyomei told me to remind him after one hour because he has important things to do."

"That's right," Himejima agrees, leaning to give Tanjirou a kiss on the forehead. "Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

"Who knows... you and the others need to train a lot lately," Yoriichi says, looking very irritated. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm sure I'll be back, Tanjirou. Can't wait to see you again," Himejima insists, turning around to look at the boy.

Yoriichi has to hold back a growl. Tanjirou pouts, wondering why his father seems so upset out of the sudden.

***

Yoriichi is sure he'd be great at hunting Pillars for sport, but they're, unfortunately, very useful for the Corps.

"I think I'm ready to train again," Tanjirou tells him, making Yoriichi smile at him.

He takes his son in his arms and nuzzles against his hair like he did when he was a little child.

Tanjirou hugs him back, chuckling the whole time.

"Give a hug to your uncle too," Michikatsu says, spreading his arms as Yoriichi hands him the happy boy.

"Gladly!" Tanjirou says with a huge grin.

"Now go wake up your siblings, the sun is completely gone now. They can help you with your training."

Tanjirou nods and disappears inside the house almost immediately.

Yoriichi turns to look at his brother. Almost as if he's reading his mind, Michikatsu says: "Don't worry, nobody will be able to defeat me in the next test; there's no one faster than me."

***

Next--->

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#demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #tanjiro kamado #yoriichi tsugikuni #michikatsu tsugikuni #gyomei himejima #shinobu kocho #sanemi shinazugawa #tengen uzui #muichiro tokito #giyuu tomioka #kyojuro rengoku #obanai iguro #mitsuri kanroji #giyutan #kyotan

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desultory-novice · 1 year

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hi! I'm sorry to bother you and send an ask about this, but I heard somewhere that Magolor uses gender neutral pronouns in Japanese and the masculine pronouns are just a localization thing but Idk if this is actually true or just a rumor? Thank you!

So..."gender" in Japanese is complicated. Especially as times change, because Japanese was, at various points in history, a massively genderized language (I don't know if I'm using the right word, but basically BIG divide between "women's speech" and "men's speech.") But there was also a variety of shifts throughout time as well, of both gendered language and other language-as-indicators-of-age-social-class-etc-etc. Now that LGBTQA+ rights are becoming more acknowledged/accepted across the globe, that spurred even more changes in how language is used in Japan by the different genders.

To make things EVEN MORE COMPLICATED, these "indicator words" are often applied to (sometimes comical) excess in fiction! Thus, you will get characters who talk with ~obsessive politeness~ or use pronouns that haven't been in regular use in centuries in order to appear more quirky or present themselves in a more blatant fashion than anyone in the real world would ever do. And sometimes the old pronoun divide is resurrected as an "easy" way to determine a character's identity. (And sometimes, it's a subversion!!)

...Phew.

So, now that you have that brief(?) introduction on massive language shifts that are still occurring, let's talk Magolor. Magolor uses the pronoun "boku" spelled 「ボク」 (in katakana) in Japanese. If you imagined Japanese pronouns all on a line, with "Masculine" on one side and "Feminine" on the other, "boku" leans masculine. Yes, it is used by women and femme sometimes. Same as "watashi" (which in the modern era is sometimes seen as leanining on the feminine side, although that may be shifting back and/or be one of those fiction-influenced stereotypes mentioned above) is used by men and masc.

But, at first glance, that would put Magolor as a character who fits relatively comfortably into the "is a guy" camp. Except... here's where these kinds of questions get complicated.

Because many Kirby characters are considered (officially!!) to have [No Confirmed Gender] (And this is irregardless of the pronouns they use in English OR Japanese.)

Not to say that they are all non-binary (though they very well could be!) but they could, as far as we know, be literally be ANY gender.

Amongst the many ways we can interpret this is that:

1) They all have secret genders that we just don't know yet!

2) Surprise! They all have the exact same gender as their English version pronouns suggest! Are those localizers psychic or what?

3) We are kindly being left with the choice to decide their gender on our own for ourselves, much like we are with their backstories!

4) Most of them are weird aliens and may see gender in a way that we can't even envision yet and so we're just using placeholders.

5) We're not supposed to put any importance on their Earthly gender and this is the creative team's way of saying that politely.

6) Any of a dozen other options I didn't list here!

Kirby and Meta Knight are among those who have not set gender. (Again, regardless of the fact that both are - mostly - addressed with "he" and various other masculine words in the English text.)

And I believe Magolor is another character who uses he/him/wizard/man-ager (ohoho! don't mind my bad joke!) but is not explicitly stated in any material (?) to be male.

...On the other side (damn me for being a libra) this is NOT to say he definitely isn't a guy. He could be! And in light of any evidence toward the contrary, and also as participants in the English-speaking side of the fandom, there's nothing wrong with continuing to write/treat Magolor as a man (or trans-man or identifying as male)

#Dess Quick Asks #Kirby #Magolor #TLDR: it's not just a localization thing #Without evidence to the contrary it is perfectly normal...#...to translate a 'boku' using character as male #But this is Kirby so you can also treat 'him' as whatever!

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elysiansparadise · 1 year

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Hi! I subscribed to your blog, it's very interesting, thank you! 🤍 I have a prominent 12th house, but I am a sociable person who really likes to spend time with other people. What can you advise us, 12th housers, not to feel isolated from people? After all, the twelfth house is not social at all. Thank you very much :)

There are many reasons that lead a person to isolate themselves from the rest, this may be due to betrayals, bad experiences, perceiving negative things from other people, or even fear. Each of these reasons are valid and should not be questioned by anyone, because the struggle is something real and it is something that only the person with 12th house placements understands. I would like to be able to advise both an astrological point and one that is not so much.

Non-astrological advice:

🟫Not all people are the same. When we have experienced betrayal many times our defense mechanism is to close in ourselves, but let me tell you that there are also very good people out there. The experiences that you have gone through were difficult and I know that you are constantly fighting against them, but what you lived through helped you to be stronger and to realize what behaviors are wrong in a relationship of any kind. You are a wiser person and this can help you better choose the people you want by your side.

🟫Love yourself by healing yourself. Whether it's going to therapy, making yourself aware of what triggered this tendency to isolate yourself. Lots of people struggle with loving themselves, they want to but don't know how. The first thing you can do for yourself is to realize that you want to improve and heal, and believe me that is such a genuine and valid show of love that you can give yourself. Once you heal, you allow yourself to get rid of the people who do not contribute anything in your life and what/whom causes you insecurity to finally allow the new things to enter your life, and when these come into your life, you will know how to decide what is best for you.

🟫Wanting company is not a symbol of weakness. Some people believe that wanting to have someone by their side is synonymous with weakness, and not love, it is not. Wanting company is completely normal, it makes you human and can be of great help to you. This desire is usually repressed by them for fear of being perceived as weak. You are a strong person because you moved on after what you have been through and what you’ve felt, you are right to feel that you want and deserve a trustworthy and reliable friend/companion/partner.

🟫Opening up to others is not something to be ashamed of. No, you are not weak for wanting to tell someone what happened to you, you are not an attention-seeker for wanting to vent or for taking the word of someone who offers you their ear to listen to you. It can be difficult, especially if you feel that you were not heard or understood in the past, even if you felt judged for expressing what you feel, let me tell you that the problem was not you. Relating with other people requires sincerity and trust, and although the latter that I mentioned is not given to anyone unconsciously, you will have to observe and discern with whom to talk about deep and important issues such as how you feel and with whom not.

🟫Being yourself is a wonderful thing. Being authentic and being yourself is not something to be ashamed of, it is something crucial in fact, because if you allow yourself to be yourself you can vibe with people similar to you, allowing you to be more comfortable. When we hide or repress some parts of our personality, we feel sad, because we don't have anyone to talk to about it or we don't feel free. What is the point of establishing relationships if in them you cage yourself in playing the same role always? Being you is something that many of us will value, something that will make you attract people who vibe with you and it’s something that no one can ever match.

Astrology advices: Understanding your placements.

🟤Study your Moon sign. When you do this, you understand what your needs are in every way, but it can also be in your relationships. Moon sign also tells you with what situations or people you feel comfortable and that is something crucial when it comes to breaking this isolation, since if being with a group of people causes you disgust and discomfort, you would prefer to be on your own. Surrounding yourself with people who by chance in life make you feel good, comfortable and calm will be an option that you will consider.

🟤Analyze 7th house. This house tells us about what we are looking for in our relationships and the criteria we take into account when having a long-term relationship. The sign and planets present can also tell us about the people we may prefer to surround ourselves with or with whom we see ourselves in the long term.

🟤Understand your boundaries with Saturn's help. Knowing the sign and house where your Saturn is can help you understand what is difficult for you and identify the boundaries you may have. For example, someone with an Earthy Saturn [by house or sign] or Saturn aspecting Rising can be very careful with their personal space, in the same way it can bother them to spend a long time without seeing or knowing about the other person, because what they What they want is stability in any aspect of their life.

#astrology #12th house placements #saturn #moon #7th house #astro content

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hiiragi7 · 10 months

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Hello! We saw your post about wanting to find non anti-endo spaces and misinformation on CDDs and wanted to just ask, what changed your opinion on endos? We ourselves are anti-endo but not aggressively or with malice (we dont even post things or interact with the community really, just lurk, so its not like were ANTI-endo ya know? Just that we dont believe or support them) we just want to understand because we ourselves havnt found any compelling evidence or experience that would point to the existence of DID(plurality) without trauma. This isnt to say we wish to challenge your own belief's at all!! Rather we honestly would like to know your thoughts because we see a decent amount of systems say things like "I use to be anti-endo until I was informed" and so if thats the case I would rather be informed! The only compelling argument ive found at this point is people connecting it to spirituality and while I find that a bit offensive as an ashiest who sees that a bit more like appropriation for the sake of religious belief's I understand its a bit of a gray area for most. Very sorry if this came off at all offensively or if this ask is upsetting or unwarranted in anyway please feel free to disregard if so! Its not our intention to cause issue or upset asking this, thank you for your time.

Hi there,

I've never been anti-endo, so I wouldn't say I really changed my mind regarding endos as much as I would say my understanding of endogenic plurals, traumagenic systems, and CDDs has deepened and shifted over time. When I first began learning more about plurality and DID, I didn't know much about endogenic plurals or how they worked nor how they related to DID, but I decided I would trust people on how they perceive their identity regardless of if I understood it perfectly or not and try to learn more.

Regarding your ask, I feel it is important to distinguish the concept of plurality from that of DID. Plurality is very broad; It simply refers to being more than one, which can take a massive variety of different forms because it relates to how people view the self and identity, which is subjective. It may be altered by spiritual, cultural, or individual beliefs, and in many contexts (especially regarding endogenic plurals) it is better understood through the lens of how both sociocultural and individual beliefs regarding the self interact and develop rather than through the lens of pathology.

The plurality seen in endogenic plurality is not the same per se as what many refer to as plurality in DID, or what I personally prefer to refer to as multiplicity in these discussions for clarifying sake so as to not use the same word with a differing definition.

In DID, the multiplicity has been theorized to reflect a divided personality system, or dissociated parts, which is not the same as the plurality described by endogenic plurals. In practice, however, the lines may appear very blurred, as clinical understanding and pathology also interacts with individual beliefs regarding the self and the state of their multiplicity; as an example, many people with DID strongly reject the framework of parts, and prefer to refer to their system's members as people they share a body with, often because they hold individual beliefs regarding what defines personhood that affects the language which they use to describe their system. As endogenic plurals also often describe their headmates as people they share a body with, the difference may not be immediately clear.

To further complicate matters, individual beliefs regarding the self, one's life, and one's identity may also alter the view of how a person believes their system to have formed even if they are DID. I've met many systems who are DID but who also identify as endogenic for a variety of reasons related to how they make sense of their life and memories as well as their sense of self and identity. To give a more specific example, I've known several DID systems who say they were born plural for a variety of reasons (some psychological, some spiritual) but who additionally experienced childhood trauma which they view as the origin of their DID seperate from the origin of their plurality.

It is my opinion that these differences in beliefs and labels are not inherently harmful nor misinformed because they are based in subjectivity, and they may even be beneficial for many people as it gives them a framework to make sense of themselves in that is unique to their individual experiences.

Regarding evidence and endogenic plurality, I also believe that fixating so much on clinical evidence or proof through studies is to misunderstand fundamentally that plurality and multiplicity both relate to an understanding of self that is not objective and as such cannot be easily measured through objective means. The self is not something that is easily understood solely through the context of clinical study; rather, by only examining the self through this lens, you limit your understanding of the self. Rather than a fixation on an evidence which is not easily obtained nor measured, I instead encourage a frameworks-based understanding of plurality, which is already done for multiplicity (the Theory of Structural Dissociation is a framework).

To summarize, DID is a trauma-based disorder, however the multiplicity described in DID is not necessarily the same as the plurality described by endogenic plurals. As well, while a clinical understanding of DID is incredibly important, it is also meaningful to consider how sociocultural and individual beliefs interact with this understanding and how they may alter the way people identify, especially regarding the aspect of multiplicity and self. Lastly, a frameworks-based approach to endogenic plurality such as plurality through the lens of individual beliefs regarding the self may be more useful to understanding endogenic plurality than a focus on clinical evidence is.

#syscourse #sysconvo

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unforgivablego · 1 year

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About the kiss.

As an Aziraphale type of person (I think so), this would’ve been so unexpected that I would punch Crowley in the face, and then also between the legs. Despite how much I love someone and how I feel, if we quarrel (in my case), a kiss is not a solution or an argument (especially when it is the first kiss, especially when it is so unexpected and especially when it is not mutual). But this is me and my manners as an aromantic and asexual person.

Sorry, but as I wrote here once before, Crowley’s kiss was neither romantic, nor sweet, nor gentle, nor kind. It was quite rude, cruel and left no choice. If I were Aziraphale, I would feel, at a minimum, forced towards him, and at a maximum, raped (if this is not the same thing, of course). And these are not the words that you want to pop up in your head when you talk or think about your one love.

It was a desperate move by Crowley to get his point across. He just didn’t find another way out, didn’t find words and here we are. And that was really cruel to Aziraphale. Yes, unintentionally, but cruelly.

"Here's what we could have."

It was manipulation. It wasn't a love kiss. It was demanding, sudden, angry, non-reciprocal, rude and parting. The moment Crowley decides to kiss Aziraphale, he already knows that he will leave after it. Yes, there is hope in him, but it is an illusory hope. He understands that even such a desperate step will not convince the angel. And Aziraphale allowed himself to answer Crowley for a while, but not in the way he REALLY wanted.

Aziraphale can't. He can't stay with Crowley. He can't afford to run away when he has so much on his shoulders. He cannot agree to leave with Crowley and hide all his life in eternal escapes. Knowing him, Aziraphale will blame himself for what he didn’t prevent, what he couldn’t prevent. If he has even the slightest chance to change something, he will grab it. That's why he can't run away with Crowley. Even if in return he receives Crowleys love.

Crowley knows this. And he still makes the Aziraphale choose.

And he says “I forgive you” (for this kiss, for your cruelty, for your rudeness, for your refusal to fight).

His love is so strong that even if Crowley did something like this to him, he actually truly forgives him. There is no hidden connotation in this phrase. Aziraphale just confesses his love again.

Crowley escapes. He refuses to be with Aziraphale. He refuses to fight together against Heaven. He's not going to solve their problem. He's going to break the angel's heart.

And Aziraphale forgives him for this.

Because Crowley lost hope. Because Crowley gave up. Because Crowley runs away again. Because Crowley is ready to leave instead of staying. Because Crowley never understood why the angel was doing all this. And for whom?

And Aziraphale will forgive him again. And when Crowley returns, he will accept. And when (Lord, I beg you!) they finally talk, I think this will be a decisive step in their relationship. Difficult, but correct and the last thing before allowing ourselves to simply love each other.

They are both - BOTH! - guilty. In mutual egoism towards each other. In the fact that they consider only their own point of view to be correct and refuse to listen to someone else’s. The fact that they don’t listen to each other. The fact that they don't even try to listen. The fact is that they don't talk about problems. They are not brought up for discussion. And this is important in a relationship. Even if your main intention is to protect, you still have to give each other a choice: agree or refuse help. Otherwise, nothing meaningful will happen between them.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season two #good omens aziraphale #crowley defender #aziraphale defender #good omens season 2 #good omens series #neil gaiman #crowley and aziraphale #michael sheen #david tennant #neil gaiman meme #good omens theory #theory #fuck coffee theory

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porridgefeast · 1 year

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ITSAY/IPYTM thoughts

In three parts because that's how I wrote it.

Oh-aew in a shirt which seems like the most meta English t-shirt text ever in Thai BL(ish) world (and there have been many others) but also seems like something Oh-aew would somehow own.

Part 1

I wasn’t assuming I’d have a ton to say about I Told Sunset About You. I wasn’t even planning on starting it at the particular moment I did, I just had it in mind I’d do so soonish. But wow, this drama hit me like a ton of bricks.

I tend to enjoy it when there’s a small gesture or moment onscreen that brings me back to uncertain romantic moments of young adulthood. Oddly enough, it’s often how someone leans (not kabedon-ish looming fwiw)—make of that what you will. (There’s this one moment in Between Us that hit me with something I can only describe as the world’s hardest pang.) But yikes, having so many... I guess first love feelings come up so hard and fast is really unusual and compelling, but almost too powerful for a sensitive creature such as myself. It’s certainly beautiful in an important way I think art is meant to be beautiful. But it’s less uncomplicatedly enjoyable than some things.

I don’t always have to identify with one character over another, even if one character is positioned as the protagonist of a story. I don’t always identify with anybody, though certain stories will pull me in in that way. But man, ITSAY gives me vertigo. Teh’s paradoxical mixture of obvious feeling and self-conscious reserve might normally make it so I’d be seeing things firmly from his perspective, but instead I whip back and forth between Teh and Oh in a borderline-painful way. I guess I just want so badly for them not to hurt each other.

Billkin’s left eyebrow jiggles like even Teh’s face is fidgeting nervously. At the point I’m currently at in the series, it feels like this kid is going to explode leaving only a fine mist. PP Krit is so still as Oh that it’s at least momentarily tempting to perceive him as solid, confident. But his steadiness is one of watching and waiting SO intently.

I feel like I could write an essay about the blinking alone, much less the overall category of looking. I don’t especially want to write it, but it’s there.

About midway through episode 2 I found myself kind of relieved to confirm there are only five episodes. I wanted to hurry through those most acute push & pull moments. But here I am at the beginning of episode 4 and it feels like it’s been a dang eternity.

Part 2

Back again after ending ITSAY and getting 4 1/2 episodes into IPYTM. I’m not writing about this show because I decided to do so, but because I don’t seem to have a choice. Not that I wouldn’t choose to do so, it’s just moot.

I think I’ve finally put into possibly inadequate words a thing Billkin does a lot as Teh. Sometimes his face just kind of goes... offline. He’s telegraphing despair while his face settles into a stiff mask. I find it a lot more true to life than what many actors do in similar scenes, but also very relatable in a way that’s painful! Again, in an art way. In a way that puts into practice the fact that we don’t only watch and read stories to pass time but because they help us understand ourselves. But part of me is annoyed, like a kid who’s been told to get in the car only to find they’re being taken someplace totally unforeseen and unappealing.

I find myself not wanting to explain what PP Krit is doing as much, but not because what he’s doing is less carefully crafted, certainly not because it’s less affecting. I said earlier that I was bouncing back and forth between identifying with each of them but not long after that first note of mine I stopped being able to identify with Teh very much. It might be a stretch to relate the events of this show too much to an experience of my own, but I was probably the Oh-aew in my first serious relationship, which was a very long one that was completely tied up with my entire college experience and a long first stage of adulthood.

I don’t judge Teh too harshly, but he just seems SO young. Like, younger than I may ever have been. Part of what makes this show good at what it does is that I don’t quite know what’s going on with him a lot of the time. There’s certainly a part of me that wants someone to explain what goes on in his head, but the ambiguity works for this show’s narrative style.

Maybe this will become more apparent, but am I supposed to have a strong conviction as to what Jai’s deal has been? Because that guy seems determined to give some of the most intense mixed signals I’ve ever witnessed. I feel like the director was going okay in this shot you’re in love with Teh. Okay now in this scene you feel like Teh’s kinda gross.

Honestly Teh is super gross! Billkin is a cute kid and Teh has many endearing qualities but he is a MESS. About half the time (well, half the time we see him onscreen, who knows what he does during time-jumps) the kid is barfing feelings like No-face from Spirited Away after he’s eaten nearly everybody who works at the spirit bathhouse.

I strongly suspect these characters and performances would bring up different things for people other than myself. This show is taking my personal buttons and stomping on them; presumably for others it stomps on slightly different or even opposite buttons, and for others it might trigger very little whatsoever of their own personal baggage.

Well, back to it I suppose.

Part 3

I feel less urgency now that I’ve reached the end point of the two series. Which is good for me but it means I have less to say at this point.

I’m very curious as to how a rewatch of these two series would feel to me. At first I thought a rewatch might be great—often that way I can relax and appreciate things more, since I’m not distracted by suspense as much. But I could just as easily wind up dreading certain moments. So many public scenes, yall. So much shame being experienced!

I would like to take a short moment to appreciate Hoon. His mom-pleasing powers may have complicated things for Teh, but it was such a relief to me that he was a sweetheart and a good brother.

I’m glad there’s a happy ending but I’m relieved Oh-aew got several chances to be resentful. (Not that I would have been unhappy with some less-than-happy endings. Too happy an ending would have been odd tonally anyway for this show.) I’m pretty sure I laughed out loud when Oh-aew was like but this time if you have a problem can you tell me and we can talk about it?

I was so glad Tarn got a little cameo at the end. It felt like giving her her due. Recognizing how that moment made me feel makes me realize how much I appreciate Tarn having interiority and agency as a character.

In other news, maybe I’m now one step closer to being able to see Na Naphat onscreen without immediately thinking of him as Tawan from Kinnporsche. And usually saying “f*cking Tawan!” in my head. It hasn’t happened yet, but I hope to get there. I’m sorry Na Naphat, I guess that performance was almost too good.

#i told sunset about you #itsay #i promised you the moon #ipytm

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kissmetwicekissmedeadly · 9 months

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I can see where you're coming from when you talk about the term "content creator", however I think for a lot of people who prefer the term, it comes from a place of fanfiction being deemed a "lesser" art form for so long, that we want to have a title that is recognized as important by other parts of the creative community. Fanfiction has a lot of roots as being the outcast version of media, and is often infantalized and demonized by others in the same general field. So when the term "content creator" came around, it was not only recognized by a HUGE part of the community with youtubers, tik tokers, and instagrammers, fanfiction writers found that they could also apply that title to themselves without backlash - which was rare.

So yes, I understand that the terminology itself sort of denotes a "competition" or "business" style of thinking, but coming from the other side, perhaps that isn't ALL bad if it allows fanfiction writers to be taken just a little more seriously. My personal belief is that we should all be able to call ourselves what we want without that title being "wrong" or overall deemed "bad". I can see the good in a change, but I can also see it hurting a ton of great people who have chosen this title because it helps them.

All love! ❤️

Thank you so much for contributing to the discussion!! 🙇🏻‍♀️ I understand your point and it gives so much food for thought. I can't talk about the topic of how fanfiction came to where it stands today in terms of being recognized and respected in fandom communities because I just wasn't there to witness this process. I only know things the way they are right now. I'm forever thankful to the people who made this possible, and despite that I too have been insulted for making fanfiction by people who deem it embarrassing, I recognize that things are much, much better right now than how they once used to be.

Still, it's not perfect. And neither are those other parts of the creative community that we're trying to get at the level of. I think this situation can be simply put as "it's okay now, but it always can be better" - as in, we should recognize the efforts of bringing fanfiction to the status of fan content, but we should also not accept that as enough. The people who made peace with being called content creators are still around us, an essential part of our creative community, and we should respect them. But at the same time, another group of people is starting to show up, one from a new generation of creatives - and it's up to them to further bring recognition and respect to fan fiction. We shouldn't force this change as it won't happen overnight, and maybe it's the normal order of things that arguments about this arise from inside the community.

I personally would simply stick to what (now) feels better for me to call myself, and would try to bring some attention to this problem - from there on everyone decides for themselves and I shouldn't judge their choice. This is how I feel.

Now, I wanted to make it clear that up till here we're talking about fandom culture in general and how this affects especially fanfiction. My initial post was about the Ikemen community in particular, meaning that all of what we have to say about the word "content", I saw through the prism of "how does this work for the Ikemen community?". When we talk about how this terminology brings an air of competition, I wanted to say that especially in the Ikemen community it has a stronger effect. And, I might be wrong! Gods, I hope I'm wrong! But just wanted to make it clear that I'm coming from a place of genuine worry for an underlying problem in our community. Again, one that could just be in my head. That's why I wanted to have a discussion!

Thank you once again and I hope this didn't accidentally sound mean in any way! Sending love back! ❤

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thesirensoracle · 2 years

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☽ The Lunar Path of Emotions and Deception ☾

A short commentary and analysis on the dangers of ignoring our inner world.✧☾゜・。

Yesterday the moon was in Hasta nakshatra, the midpoint of the moon in Vedic Astrology. I decided to prepare before hand and study in depth about this sign as I decided to do a small spell in honor of one of my spirit guides, drenching myself in the lunar energies this nakshatra has to offer. However, in the process of doing so, I found that this opened my eyes to the negative sides the moon can have in our society and on ourselves, specially if we are students of the occult. I’ve noticed that, while this warnings are something every practitioner of magical or divinatory arts have always been taught of, we tend to sometimes forget this teachings the more we grow spiritually, corrupting our practice and leading us to delusion. This post is meant to work as a small commentary and an open discussion of the knowledge I’ve gathered, however, I encourage anyone who would like to give insights on this topic, so we can all protect and grow together.

Many religions and spiritual practices mention the importance of emotions as guides to both our inner and outer world, however, I first came to learn this teaching in a workshop on The Science of Acting, where my teacher through a methodology mixing psychology, Buddhism and theater showed us how, even if you’re not related to the arts, emotions and thoughts are singlehandedly the most important aspects in our experience as human beings. They define how we see the world, how we navigate through it and learn from it.

She also taught us the importance of meditation, for this was one of the most effective ways we are able to gain control over our minds, and therefore, our emotions. Before doing this, she describes we function as a car driving in autopilot, or a videogame character being controlled by someone else. This is because our inner world are our allies and friends, but require strong will and direction to function correctly, so, if they are not directed, they are the ones that take control completely. It’s this same control our emotions and thoughts take of ourselves that leads to a sense of instability, making us believe that certain emotions are bad for not being able to control them, when in reality they are just trying to show us parts of ourselves that need attention (anger being a defensive mechanism, envy showing an insecurity of ourselves we need to overcome, sadness telling us of past wounds we need to heal and let go of, etc.).

In the worst case scenario, this same lack of self-control sometimes leads to false ideas as “right and wrong” and “us against them” mentalities that mark the seed of the most dangerous ideologies the world has given birth to, and in the world of spirituality, to complete madness. Therefore, we must remember that our own senses and emotions work as tools for us to experience this reality and, as any type of tools, if you don’t learn how to utilize them or completely ignore them, they become rusty and difficult to use, sabotaging our progress.

This is especially dangerous in our modern world, when we are constantly stimulated and consumed by technology and social media, to the point in which it has become the norm to drown in them as a way to suppress or completely ignore our feelings. This is why it’s common while scrolling through Instagram or Tik Tok to find the occasional guy joking about “using every type of technology at the same time to impede any type of thought to appear”. As spiritual adepts, this type of numbing of the senses is very dangerous, for our emotions and thoughts serve as our guide while practicing any type of magical or divinatory pursuit, and, if left unchecked, they distort themselves and start showing us lies instead of divine truths. It’s in this way we take the risk of communicating lies while giving someone a tarot reading, perceiving false signs or “hearing” words without meaning in a séance, or believing we are cursed when in reality it’s just our mind making us paranoid at our own inability to accept certain faults in ourselves.

This is also why in the Tarot and in Astrology, The Moon signifies the mind, the unconscious, and our emotions, as well as lies, manipulation and any type of deception. At the same time, The 12th House in astrology, while ruling dreams, the astral, and overall spirituality, also rules energy loss, asylums and entrapment into one’s own distorted mind, correlating on how mental illness and madness are one of the possible outcomes of an individual losing control of its own mind while practicing spirituality. All this correlates to how in psychology, specially in Carl Jung’s theories, the more we don’t acknowledge, integrate and control our own mind, the stronger the hold it has on us, constantly telling us lies about the world and ourselves.

The mind and the unconscious, as the constant changing moon, are very susceptible and malleable to any kind of stimulation. We can specially see this with the discoveries on the placebo effect and, most recently, the rise on affirmations related to the law of attraction, where it’s shown how the mind is especially powerful if influenced by certain thoughts and stimuli long enough to either manifest something to reality or change your worldview, even if the conscious part of the psyche disregards this type of stimulation at first.

So, if our own mind and emotions are very flexible and everchanging in nature, it’s not so crazy to say that with that same lightness and flow it can distort and show us lies if left unchecked. This is why moon ruled nakshatras, while being the most prevalent in the occult world as the most powerful or influential practitioners of magic and divination, are also the main people to be called “charlatans”, for a lot of them choose the path of deception and crime instead of one based on enlightenment. And even then, in actuality most of the revered “masters” of magic and occultism are hated because, while at first actually being able to channel divine truths and communicate said truths to the masses, they ended up corrupting their knowledge and teachings with their ego, destroying their past wisdom by tainting it with falsehoods (which is why most of them have been exposed for being racist, antisemitic and misogynistic).

However, as mentioned before, this type of delusion is not exclusive to the occult practitioner, but also to the everyday man, affecting all areas of expertise. One famous example of this is Tim Burton with Rohini ASC (the birth of the moon among the nakshatras), who at the first years of his career was considered a genius who would revolutionize the film industry, as he channeled a few of his stories truthfully creating beautiful whimsical worlds that embrace emotion by creating scenery with the objective of making them seem like a living dream (his moon rulership). However, as he grew in fame, the public started to slowly realize how his stories started to become corrupt by his closed ideology and lack of control of his inner world, criticizing his films for only creating crazy characters with the sole purpose of being “not like other people”, lacking real substance and clarity.

This creates the question; how do we avoid this? How do we get to receive divine truths and not get deceived by lunar delusion?

The answer is, as said in the beginning, by connecting and acknowledging our own emotions and thoughts; to look them right in the face without judgement, accepting them and, most importantly, allowing ourselves to feel them. The mind, emotions, and unconscious (as our inner moon) need to be grounded first and cleared from darkness to be able to deliver spiritual knowledge or basic clarity. This is why the moon is said to once being one with earth, and now that they are separated, only shines thanks to the rays of the sun: without earthly grounding or solar direction, the moon completely loses herself in illusions. Whether this is done through meditation, therapy or any other type of spiritual practice would depend on the individual, but connection and direction is the key to clarity.

The next time you get to feel jealous of someone else’s success or appearance, ask yourself: why those emotions appear before you? What do they show about your inner world and past wounds? Or the next time someone angers you by showing a complete different political view than the one you possess, ask yourself: why does this anger me? Is it because their views don’t align with my version of right and wrong? Or it’s my ego wanting validation by trying to control someone else’s path?

As triggering as this acknowledgment may be to some, it’s necessary to be able to reach a higher state of spiritual mastery and overall mental peace, by training the mind to not waste excess energy in draining pursuits and to differentiate between truth and illusion. If you actually practice checking on your mind daily (as difficult as it may be) you’ll start to realize that certain emotions, whether “negative” or “positive”, will come up only at times when they need to show a part of yourself that you need to pay attention to. This level of awareness leads the path of mental clarity and heightened intuition, for if you get to know your own mind and emotions and the way they communicate in your internal world, you’ll get to realize that the practice of magic, divination, and connection with the divine suddenly seems to flow naturally, instead of being clouded by fogs of delusion.

This article compared to the last one was a bit improvised, for it was birthed through late existential talks with my friends and nights of deep thinking after watching videos related to the topic (lol) so I apologize if my point it’s not as clear as I would’ve wanted it to be, but I did my best. However I got to give credit to the articles and videos made by Claire Nakti, her teachings keep enlightening me and inspiring me to pursue knowledge in a whole new way.

To learn more about the moon and it’s effects in our modern world I recommend the next videos and articles, for she expands on this on a more profound way.

Divination & Insanity: The Dangers of an Imbalanced Personal Universe

It is Only a Dream-- or is it? 12th House Contemplations

TOP 3 Most Magical & Mystical Astrology Signs | Psychic Powers | Part 1: Shravana Nakshatra

TOP 3 Most Magical & Mystical Astrology Signs | Cults, Divination, & Occultism | Part 2 (Nakshatras)

Rohini Nakshatra in the Modern World🍭 The Sexual Secret of Creativity

Thanks for reading and I wish you all the best. <3

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forthedancingandthethriving · 1 year

Text

(Context)

Just various scenes from the episodes leading up to the trailer! Also not my best work, I'll admit it, because I was struggling writing these scenes. But I am happy with it, so bleh :P

○●○

"Yknow, we could really use a vacation."

It's the simple remark from SMG4 that sparked the discussion. Everyone agreed, after the latest fiasco (everyone was still watching Lily to make sure she was recovering okay), a way to relax and unwind seemed like a good idea.

"Since we've saved enough money up," SMG4 says as he gestures his hand, "from, you know, not really being able to spend it, we should treat ourselves!"

"I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say." SMG3 remarks, snickering at the small glare the other gives him.

"A vacation would be really nice.." Saiko hums, nodding.

"But where would we go?" Luigi asks.

The group devolves into discussion, everyone giving various places of where to go. Slowly, it begins to delve into an argument, before Meggy bursts through the castle doors, Tari in tow.

"Guys!" she gasps, pointing at her head. "Have any of you seen my beanie?"

Everyone looks between each other, unsure of how to answer the abrupt answer (especially after SMG4 suggested going to Pee Pee Island). Boopkins began to answer, but was cut off by Luigi lifting his phone. "Guys, why don't we go to the national celebrity museum!"

"I think Bowser is banned from there.." SMG4 crosses his arms, watching as Mario hits his brother and makes the green plumber's phone go flying.

"Bowser is gonna be coming?" Mario raises an eyebrow.

"Well, I was thinking of inviting Bowser Junior, and it'd just make sense to invite Bowser."

"Yay! Bowser Junior is coming!" Lily cheers from the couch.

"He still owes me 10 dollars for breaking our record yesterday!" Lil Coding huffs.

"What record?" SMG4 and SMG3 narrow their eyes at their son.

"Did I say record? I meant.. uh.." the Code chuckles nervously, glancing around before ducking behind the couch and lifting his head. "Yknow, I kinda like Luigi's idea now!"

Everyone resumes their arguing, with the question of Meggy's beanie long forgotten now.

○●○

"Alright, whos ready to go to Pee Pee Island?!"

No one looked particularly excited or happy, varying looks of displeasure on their faces.

"That's your son?" Domain mutters, looking at Forum.

"I have no son." Forum mutters in return, drawing a snort from his partner and a small laugh from Emulator.

"Papa, you can still break up with him. It isn't too late." Lil Coding remarks, glancing up at SMG3 whilst clutching his bag. Lily was beside him, lightly hitting her head against the book she brought.

"I can't believe that this is the place that we ended up deciding to go to." SMG3 grumbles, shaking his head.

As everyone neared the train, ready to board, Meggy's voice called. "HOLD IT!"

Everyone turned to look, seeing Meggy and Tari towards the end of the platform. Both were smiling, looking excited.

"We're NOT going to Pee Pee Island because.." Meggy grinned and pumped her fist into the air. "We'll be going to the Wild West!"

"What." Mario asks flatly.

"Meggy has a mission to find her idol." Tari explains with a smile. "And he's somewhere in the west!!"

It takes a moment, the girl's words registering, but then everyone cheers. "Yes!! Anything but Pee Pee Island!" SMG3 shouts.

"Hell yeah, I'm down to shoot some guns!" Bob adds on.

"Thank god, I don't have to disown SMG4." Forum whispers.

Boopkins muttered something to himself, but it was drowned out at everyone ran past him onto the train, excited to go anywhere but Pee Pee Island.

Though they were all unaware of a familiar masked villain hoping onto the back of the train as it pulled out of the station..

As everyone began to get settled in, Saiko realized something pretty important.

"Wait! Who's looking after the castle and Showgrounds while we're gone!?" she gasps.

"Don't worry, Marty's got it covered." Mario reassures her.

Everyone stares at him, clearly unimpressed.

Meggy rolls her eyes before clearing her throat. "Next stop... the Wild West!!"

○●○

Lily huffs to herself as she looks up Lil Coding, who was on her head, in his cat form. "LC, do you have to lay on my head?"

"It's comfier." he answers, but she knows it's just to annoy her.

She rolls her eyes and looks back down at her book. She wasn't particularly mad about it, Eggpup on her lap, but still. She'd like to read her book in peace.

But that was also a little hard when her dads were playing Uno in the seats behind, but hey, you win some you lose some.

She glances up, seeing Meggy and Mario walk by. If she had to guess.. they were going to the food cart.

She shrugs as Lil Coding jumps off of her head and lands in the seat opposite of her, more than likely curling up there as she couldn't see him anymore.

Lily hums and adjusts the collar of her shirt. Man, why did she chose to wear a dress on such a hot train?

○●○

Meggy balks as she walks into the next train car, seeing the absolute anarchy going on. Everyone, for some odd reason, was garbbed in wild west themed clothing, and Boopkins and Bob were in a gunfight with JubJub, Whimpu, Jeeves, Old Man Hobo, Rob, Shroomy, and Belle.

"What the.." she mutters, ducking behind the doorway.

"Are ya'll fucking idiots?!" Domain's voice shouts over the gunfire as he glares over the seats him, Forum, and Emulator were seated at, but none of them stop. "Ya'll are gonna break the goddamned windows, for christ's sake!"

"Get your head down!" Emulator scolds him yanking him back down.

Meggy purses her lips before walking into the cart, cupping her hands over her mouth, calling for Tari as she walk through the train cart, managing to not vet grazed by any bullets.

Maybe everyone was just.. getting into the theme of being in the wild west!

"What is going on?!" Meggy whispers to herself, having entered the cart she and Tari had been in before her blue haired friend went missing. She'd found the gamer in the food cart, talking about how something wasn't right. Naturally, she just assumed that her friend was getting train sick.

So she returned to their original cart, but now.. it was absolute chaos in there. The only ones not doing something were Lily and Lil Coding, still in their seats, but both of them were egging everyone else on. Everyone seemed to have been.. cowboyifed or something.

"Always knew my old man would need a cane!" Lil Coding grins as Meggy slowly walks over, and she's taken aback by how everyone seems to have changed their appearance in some way. Hell, Lily was wearing a westerned themed dress, and Lily didn't even like wearing dresses.

"You're a right old jerk, you know that?" Lily remarks, crossing her arms.

"I'm still right!" he laughs.

Meggy watches as Lily rolls her eyes and reaches over, smacking her brother over the head. It quickly escalates to Lil Coding leaping over the table and the two shuffling.

"This ain't no way to treat a lady!" Lily shrieks.

"Oh, don't pull that shit, little missy!" Lil Coding huffs.

Meggy runs her fingers through her hair, eyes wide. Nothing she's saying is getting through to them and-

Oh great, SMG3 had dynamite, and now everyone was freaking out (well, except for Mario, but he was Mario).

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Meggy shouts, eyes closing for a minute before she opens them again.

Her breath catches in her throat, seeing everyone frozen in place. "Uh.. hello?"

She walks down the aisle, looking at everyone. Waving her hands, asking questions, but no one moves. No one talks.

Her breathing starts to quicken before-

"Meggy?"

Meggy gasps, looking towards the cart door and she rushes over. "Oh Tari, thank god! Everyone's frozen!"

Concern takes over Tari's expression. "...what?"

Meggy turns around to see.. everyone is back in their seats. Her heart skips a beat, seeing even Lil Coding acting like nothing had just happened.

"Meggy?" Tari asks again, but squeaks softly as Meggy rushes past her to look into the other car.

It was back to normal in there as well. She quickly dashes over to the hologram trio, seeing even them acting like nothing had happened. Hell, Domain and Emulator were even playing some sort of game.

"Meggy?" Forum raises an eyebrow, seeing her and then Tari. "Is something wrong?"

"Did- Did you guys not see what was happening?!" she asks, breathing quickly still.

"See what?" Forum's face becomes a bit serious as he sits up in his seat.

"E-Everyone being frozen! A-and acting like cowboys!" Meggy frowns, gesturing wildly.

"Meggy, I think you're just tired." Tari places a hand on her shoulder. "If something did happen, I think they'd know.."

Meggy goes quiet before sighing and nodding, hands dropping. Forum nods as well.

"None of us felt anything wrong, Meggy. Trust me, if there was something wrong, we'd get you guys off this train." he reassures her.

With one last nod, Meggy follows Tari back to their original cart. Forum watches them before exhaling, rubbing his eyes.

"Tired still?" Emulator asks, not looking up from her and Domain's game, grinning victoriously when she bests him again.

"Yeah." Forum chuckles softly. "Never had to ride a train before, so I think it's messing with me."

He glances back towards the other cart before shaking his head. No, it was like he had just said. It was fatigue. If something was wrong, the three of them would know.

#usb: smg3 #usb: smg4 #emulator #smg4 #smg3 #saiko bichitaru #bob bobowski #oc: lily #code: lil coding #smg4 mario #smg4 luigi #meggy spletzer #smg4 tari #I am NOT tagging everyone in this #just the ones who spoke #!posts!#fanfiction: my writing!#AYYYY FINALLY #anyway 14 hours left!! i am absolutely terrified!! /pos

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