#would like to be able to get a back up of my blog
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infinitatis-ink · 3 days ago
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Ocean Meetings
Dragon!Gojo x Ama!Reader
Summary: The first time you encounter Gojo, even the divinity you can feel radiating from him doesn’t stop you from threatening to kill him if he took any of the day’s catch.    
A/N: This is one of the more self indulgent ideas I had floating around my mind when I first got into JJK. There's still a lot I'd need to flesh out, but might as well put this idea out there first!
Other Notes: An ama usually refers to a woman who freedives to harvest seafood such as abalone. Later, they would also be known for pearl diving.
CW: Near death by drowning
MNDI. MINORS AND BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED
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The first time you encounter Gojo, even the divinity you can feel radiating from him doesn’t stop you from threatening to kill him if he took any of the day’s catch.    
You spend your days as an ama, diving for abalone and other shellfish in the ocean to eke out a meager living for yourself. It’s a hard life, especially when more experienced ama have claimed all the best spots, and a recent string of bad harvests means you can’t pay someone to take you out into deeper waters with more to catch. Now you’re stuck diving from the shore where the competition's keener, frustrated and fiercely possessive of whatever you can get.
So when you see this white haired stranger in luxurious clothes you’d never be able to afford poking around your meager catch, you snap. You must’ve looked ridiculous in his eyes, yelling at him to back off from your earnings or you’d gut him like a fish while wielding a tiny knife. It’s stupid and reckless, but you don’t care anymore. You’re not going to starve just because some stranger thinks he can simply take what’s yours, consequences be damned. 
But the stranger doesn’t get angry. He’s not even offended.
Instead, he laughs and tells you not to worry, because he was just curious, that’s all.  
Your anger’s suddenly doused by his words, replaced with unease and confusion. Now that you’ve got a cooler head, there’s a strange aura coming from this man. It sinks into your bones with a deep thrum, accompanied by the heavy scent of a stormy ocean. You even swear you can hear the faint crackle of thunder in the distance.   
Everything about this man demands reverence, and you’d spat in his face with your defiance. 
“What’s there to be curious about?” you ask, before hastily adding, “Sir.”
“Oh, there’s no need for honorifics,” the stranger replies, still smiling. “I’ve never cared for them. So, what is it that you do anyways?”
Shocked, you don’t know what else to do but answer him. And strangely enough, he listens with rapt attention as you give him clipped explanations of your job, from the tools and tricks of your trade (“You only wear a loincloth?” he asks. You don’t miss how he glances at your bare chest for longer than you’d like), to the stiff competition you face from other amas (“Fight back,” he simply says, but you shake your head. You can't afford to alienate your community when you have nobody else, as tenuous as the relationship was). 
Something about the attention the man gives you puts you at ease the longer you talk, until you’re telling him that you’ve had to fend for yourself ever since your parents died. You stop then, embarrassed that you had said too much. He doesn’t pry, and gets up instead.
“I like you,” he declares. “I’ll come back another day.”
You nod mutely, still taken aback by his directness. But as he turns to leave, you suddenly realise you never got a name.
“Wait!” you call out. “May I at least get your name?”
The man gives you a bright, sharp smile.
“Gojo,” he replies, and the sound of his name echoes in your mind long after he’s left.
True to his word, Gojo continues to show up before your work day, either to pester you with questions about your job and life, or with some nonsensical story. At first you indulge him with brief answers, but you soon find yourself waking up earlier and earlier to meet him by the shore. He's carefree, talking about anything that comes to his mind, but with a surprisingly sharp memory when it comes to you, and time passes by so fast when you’re with him.
You don't know when you began to fall in love with Gojo. Maybe it was when you'd agreed to watch the sun rise with him, and saw the way years fell from his face as he basked in the sun's rays, his lips twitching up to a tender smile. Or maybe it was during one of your many conversations with him, and you'd watch him laugh at his own joke and thought you'd never heard anything more beautiful in your life before that. One thing's for certain; around him, you remember how it’s like to feel loved.
But Gojo's reluctance to say anything about himself makes you hesitant to want more from your relationship with him. You notice he’ll have a bitter expression whenever you talk about the festivals your village holds, honouring their patron deities of the ocean. And any questions you’ve asked about him are deflected with jokes and long silences too. Once, you'd asked about his childhood, and Gojo had given you a confused look, like you'd started speaking in a different language. 
“I didn't have one,” he finally tells you hesitantly. It's the most honest he's ever been about himself.
Really, the more you see Gojo, the harder it is to ignore his uncanniness. His insistence on meeting at isolated spots on the shore, and refusal to be seen by others. Smiles that reveal glimpses of too-sharp teeth, the way his vividly blue eyes sometimes turn snake-like, how the air grows heavy with rain whenever he’s around. 
(And when you're in deeper waters, you swear you can see streaks of white shimmering in the distance.)
The strangeness doesn’t stop at him, either. Wherever you go diving now, the seabed is flush with abalones and sea cucumbers, more than you can carry and sell in a day. Unusually long periods of calm waters and fine weather. Fresh fish washing up on the shore, always right next to the tub with your day’s catch. You even found a large sea bream once, and when you cut it open, gold coins spilled out of its belly.
It all comes to a head one particularly windy day with rough, but swimmable waters. It happens so suddenly; one moment, you spot a large cluster of abalones in some deeper waters, and the next, you’re being pulled by strong current into the darkness below. You’ve always known that being an ama comes with the risk of drowning, but nothing could prepare you for how swiftly it comes, choking your lungs with seawater as your strength gradually fails you. 
Ah, so this is it, you think as your vision fades away. I’m sorry, Gojo, for leaving so suddenly…
The last thing you remember seeing before you black out is a flash of pearl white scales rushing towards you—
The first thing you notice when you regain consciousness is the feeling of sand against your bare back, and the distant rumbling of thunder. The second is the dragon in the water, a mass of white scales and gold claws as it restlessly circles the shallows, its blue, serpentine eyes constantly darting towards the shore.    
You only need one glance to know who it is.
(And everything makes sense now.)
When you step into the water, Gojo freezes, and for the first time since you’ve met, there’s no falsity between the two of you. 
You break the silence first, approaching him with your hands held up. You’re not angry, you say, and you know he has a good reason to not tell you about this side of himself. But if he was willing, could the two of you start over?
The silence after your question is palpable, and you think you’ve made the biggest mistake in your life.
But when Gojo glides towards you, scale and claw giving way to a human form, and he offers his hand to you, you know you’ve chosen right.
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ladsrlife · 2 days ago
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What are you doing step brother???!!!
Caleb x Reader
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Where you start living with your step-brother for uni and the relationship starts to take an interesting turn...
Chapter 1💗
Chapter 2💗
(Please refer to my blog to view subsequent chapters)
────── ❀•°❀°•❀ ──────
Chapter 3
You wake up to a headache. One that’s between pounding and mildly uncomfortable.
As you get up you notice that you’re still in your jeans and t-shirt. Your reflection in the mirror is a sight to behold - messy hair, smudged mascara, puffy face.
Right, you drank too much last night.
You try to recall what happened. Much of it is a blur. Some memories of you dancing, yelling, laughing… getting dizzy…
You decide to take a shower. As you leave your room you say good morning to Caleb who’s already awake and sitting by the kitchen table.
You close the bathroom door behind you, undress, and turn on the shower. You feel the hot stream of water engulf your body. Your headache feels a little better.
You recall your short interaction with Caleb just now. As always, he looked spotless and ready, scrolling through his phone with a mug in his hand. A bystander wouldn’t be able to tell he drank last night too. You laugh at the difference between you and him.
You stop laughing when a sudden memory surfaces.
Of him groaning and caressing your foot.
His shaky, warm breath. Suppressed moans. The rhythmical sound of skin on skin. A wet sound unique enough that you can’t possibly mistake it for anything else. The low, deep, suppressed moan that filled the room.
The memory comes by like a flash.
Your body heats up even faster. Your stomach drops and you grip on the walls in a sudden bout of dizziness. Your breath comes out in ragged pants.
This was weird. The memory was weird, your reaction to it was even weirder. As much as it called to you, you wanted to run a way from it.
You try to shake it off by hurriedly showering like you got a meeting to run to. You wrap a large beach towel around your body and leave the bathroom. You slap yourself in the face a couple times before changing in your room, then apply some moisturizer before heading back into the kitchen.
“Mornin’ pipsqueak. Feeling alright?” Caleb greets you with a smirk above his mug.
You lock eyes with his purple ones. They’re clear and bright. For some reason you feel even hotter. You struggle to open your mouth.
“Why are your cheeks so red?” He suddenly asks in a concerned tone.
He swiftly comes over and towers over you.
“Do you have a fever?”
He asks, raising a hand to your forehead.
You're suddenly overwhelmed. His scent, his touch, his voice—everything crashes over you like a wave.
You flinch and push his hand away. "I'm fine. The water must’ve been too hot," you mumble, too quickly.
He blinks, clearly thrown off by your rough dismissal, as if he missed a line in the conversation.
It’s not like you to pull away from him.
"You sure?" he asks again, quieter this time.
"Yeah. I don’t have a fever. Just a slight headache," you reply, sitting down at the table to put some space between you and him. "Is this what a hangover feels like?"
He goes with the flow and settles into the seat across from you.
"Well, you did drink a crazy amount. You even hit that magical level of drunk where you tried to pet your drink like it was a cat." He chuckles at the memory, shaking his head. "Here, drink a lot of water. It helps."
He pours you a glass and slides it across the table.
"...Thanks," you murmur, eyes down.
“Want some eggs and toast? Eating carbs also help.” He gets up and heads to the counter top.
“Yes please.”
“You know, my friends were right. I'm glad I was there for your first drink.” He turns around and chats to you while making the food. “You drank and partied like a wild child off the leash. What would you have done if I weren’t around to take care of you?”
His demeanor is the same as always—quintessential Caleb. But his refreshing smile and upbeat voice stand in stark contrast to the dark, ragged, breathy moans buried deep in your memory, stirring a profound sense of dissonance. The Caleb in it is so different from the Caleb you know and see in front of you right now, that it makes you seriously question if you had dreamt it all.
“I think I went a bit overboard precisely because you were around.” You hide these thoughts within you and answer instead.
“That’s touching. But you gotta promise me you won’t drink like that when I’m not around.”
“Yeah yeah,” you brush him off. “Did you drink a lot last night?” You ask him. Maybe it was the booze that made him act weird.
"Not really. I don’t like drinking much.” So that possibility goes out the window. “It scares me—not having full control over my body.”
He walks over to hand you breakfast, and you reach for it.
Your fingers graze his, and you flinch.
In an instant, your hands pull back. The plate slips and crashes to the floor. The sharp crack of shattering glass fills the kitchen.
You look up to find a wide-eyed Caleb, frozen in tracks. His eyes are full of confusion.
You’re equally bewildered.
What the fuck is wrong with me? you chastise yourself.
The first time could be dismissed as a mistake, but a second time?
“…My bad,” you say, avoiding his questioning gaze. “I’ll clean it up.”
He stops you with a hesitant arm—close, but not touching.
“You’re barefoot. I’ll clean it.”
You sink back into your chair, watching him silently as he retrieves the dustpan and broom.
His face looks two shades paler, like he saw something he wasn’t meant to.
The clink of glass against the dustpan fills the quiet space.
He doesn’t ask why you’re acting weird.
Instead, he keeps his mouth shut and head down, like he’s holding something in.
And somehow, that makes everything feel even weirder.
────── ❀•°❀°•❀ ──────
Days pass, and the unspoken tension between you and Caleb shows no signs of easing.
For some reason, he acts like you have the plague. The casual touches—the hair ruffles, the absentminded caresses—are gone. Now, he keeps a full meter of space between you, like proximity itself might hurt him.
It leaves you restless.
The more he withdraws, the more you cling to fragments of the past—the way he’d pull you into his chest, the warmth of his hands on your head, and, to your dismay, the guilt-heavy memory of his moans, his body pressed against yours.
The harder you try to forget, the deeper it seems to etch itself into your mind.
Maybe it’s the shame. Or maybe it’s the fear. Either way, even as the need to reach for him grows stronger by the day, you can’t bring yourself to be the one to close the distance.
And then, just like that, while your head is a total mess, university starts.
You meet a lot of new people in your major and in your swimming club.
“Oh, wow, you’re Y/N, right?” A sophomore in your swimming club recognizes you in the locker room on the first day of swim practice.
Startled, you turn around, hiding your naked body beneath the swimsuit you were holding.
“Yes?” You reply.
“You’re Caleb’s sister!”
Her friends join at the word. They surround you like a flock of pigeons.
“Oh my gosh, you’re so pretty. Your family must have great. genes.” She must not know you and Caleb aren’t related by blood.
“Caleb and I are close.” Another says with her nose in the air.
“What do you mean close.” Another scoffs. “You listened to a seminar with him once.”
“Once more than you, bitch?”
“Excuse me?”
You hurriedly shout above the chattering.
“If! It’s okay-” they turn to look at you. “I’d like to change, please?”
At that, they sheepishly laugh and give you space.
But they’re persistent - they make sure to leave the best impression on you. They get your number and invite you to every gathering and opportunity they get.
You knew Caleb was popular in high school, but was it ever to this extent?
You really want to be proud of him, but it gets harder with every conversation, every message from another girl whose intentions couldn’t be more obvious.
Therefore you end up mostly keeping to yourself, and stick only to a small group of friends from your department.
“Shouldn’t you be, like, out partying or something?” Ethan asks during your first movie night with Caleb’s friends. “You’re a freshman. Second week of school. Peak chaos time.”
“I wasn’t invited,” you reply, settling onto the couch.
Ethan laughs like you just told the best joke he’s ever heard.
“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.
Ethan and his friend Jacob exchange a look.
“You’re hot,” Jacob says flatly, like it’s just a fact. ���There’s probably a line of people waiting to invite you.”
“Yeah, like... Hollywood hot,” Ethan adds, nodding.
Before you can respond, Caleb clears his throat from behind them.
They both jolt upright as he walks into the room and sets a giant bowl of popcorn on the table—hard enough to make the kernels jump.
His expression is neutral, but his tone isn’t.
“I really hope you two aren’t trying to flirt with my sister.”
“We weren’t!” Jacob blurts out.
“They were.” Jessica chimes in casually from beside you, a smirk playing on her lips.
“Absolute clowns.”
Caleb mutters with a shake of his head, then grabs the nearest cushion off the floor and lobs it at Ethan.
Jacob yelps as a second cushion comes flying his way.
“Hey! We were being nice!”
Caleb just shrugs, a wide grin spreading from ear to ear. “This is me being nice.”
He then scans the room for a seat. The only open spot is right beside you.
His gaze lingers for half a second before turning away.
“Hey, Jessica,” he says casually. “Mind scooting over?”
She moves without question.
And because you were sitting next to her, you end up shifting too—all the way to the edge of the couch.
You pretend it doesn’t sting, but it does. He's distancing himself again.
You end up not being able to focus on the movie at all. Your mood plummets lower each time Jessica jokingly taps Caleb’s arm, or slightly shift towards him.
“But didn’t you say you love me?!” The actress shouts from inside the TV. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be doing this!”
Exactly! You agree with the actress with clenched teeth. He shouldn’t do that if he loves her!
By the time the ending credits roll, you’re on the verge of tears.
You have a hard time socializing afterward. You thought you disguised your distraught well enough, but as everyone is getting ready to leave, Zayne quietly comes up to you and asks you in a hushed tone.
“You okay?”
Something about his gentle tone makes your throat tighten.
You swallow the lump of emotions rising up.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks.”
You force a smile, looking up into his amber eyes.
He must be a damn good psychiatrist—catching what you tried so hard to hide and choosing to care anyway. Just as he turns to go, you call out.
“Zayne.” He pauses and looks back, head tilting slightly. You lick your lips. “Do you have space for an extra booking?”
Understanding flickers in his gaze. “Yes. How about I give you my number.”
“Sounds great.” you say quickly, trying not to sound too eager.
As he pulls out his wallet, you catch Caleb turning around in the background—his eyes landing on you.
You pretend not to notice.
“Thanks,” you say as Zayne hands you a crisp white business card.
You walk with him to the door, where everyone is starting to leave.
“I should be free next week.” Zayne tells you as he steps out.
“Sounds good!” you reply, voice bright.
The door closes behind him with a soft click.
Just as you’re about to turn around to go to your room, Caleb’s voice cuts through the silence.
“Free for what?”
You pause. “Huh?” You don’t really want to talk to him right now.
“You’re meeting up with Zayne?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
His expression tightens. The way he stares at you tugs out emotions you barely just suppressed.
Why is he looking at you like you’re the one at fault?
“What- you’re having dinner with him, or something?” His eyebrows furrow beneath his neat brown hair.
“Yeah. He seems nice.” You lie just to get on his nerves. “And hot.”
You turn on your heel, not waiting for his reaction.
But before you can take two steps, a hand roughly grabs your wrist and sharply pulls you back.
“Hey! What the hell, Caleb?” you shout, stumbling as he spins you around.
You’re about to push him away when he pulls you in for a strong embrace.
Your breath catches as his arms lock around you.
Your body reacts before your mind does- first going rigid, then melting into a warm, helpless puddle.
As he buries his head in the crook of your shoulder, you don’t know if the pounding heartbeat you feel through the fabric is yours… or his.
He doesn’t say anything.
“What’s wrong with you?” You demand, voice shaking, even as a wave of relief crashes over you at the familiar warmth.
You push at him half-heartedly, a pathetic attempt when your arms feel like jelly.
“Don’t push me away.” He murmurs, his voice low and rough in your ear.
It sends a shiver down your spine.
“You-” your voice falters. “You’re the one who’s been pushing me away…”
He tightens his embrace in response.
Your words disappear into the fabric of his shirt, swallowed by the steady rise and fall of his chest.
The anger that had been clinging to you these past few weeks slips away—quietly, like it never belonged.
Slowly, you lift your arms and wrap them around him, drawing him closer.
He exhales at your touch, like he’s been holding his breath this whole time.
You fully bury yourself in his warmth, something you missed for what felt like eternity. The ache of it nearly brings tears to your eyes.
“Is this okay?” Caleb whispers, pulling back just enough to look at you.
His amethyst eyes are soft and warm, like he’s asking for permission.
Permission for what?
You’re confused, but you feel like you should nod anyway.
And when you do, he smiles, brighter than he has in weeks, and pulls you back into his arms with a quiet sigh.
Nothing was really resolved, but some things are better left unsaid.
You close your eyes and hold on tighter.
Things are finally back to the way they were, and for now, that was more than enough.
────── ❀•°❀°•❀ ────── Hope you guys enjoyed this!!!
Will try to update at least once a week :D (I'm actually on vacation now and have tons of time. Maybe I'll just speed through it while I have the chance)
Likes and comments are life <3
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springismss · 1 day ago
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ᱬ⛧ my villain vi ~ dabi
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𖤐 part sum: after the events of the other day, you've been reliving some memories, memories of times in your life that either meant the most to you or the polar opposite. a chance encounter with two of your students might also lead you to another confrontation.
𖤐 pairing: dabi x pro hero! female reader
𖤐 part content: trigger warning! mentions of dying/self-neglect. mention of being in hospital. no other warnings aside from that. italics are memories.
𖤐 a/n: oh haii! back again with another part to this series. we're about one or two parts away from having dabi and you confonting, we're almost there! hope you all enjoy the part, catch you in the next work! as always likes, comments and re-blogs are deeply appreciated!
𖤐 word count: 1.6k
𖤐 links: series masterlist | 《 prev part | next part 》
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Birds chirped, breaking the silence around the young male. Today was one of the few days that he spent away from his family, enjoying the welcoming peacefulness of nature."Touya! Look at this!". The sudden intrusion of a loud voice made him blink in confusion, before a blur of colours darted past him.
Skidding to a halt, you hopped on one foot to keep your balance. As quickly as you stopped, you placed your foot down and rocked your feet excitedly as you cupped your hand in front of your chest. Bright smile tugging at your features as you giggled. "I finally learned to control my quirk with my emotions!".
His eyes watched as a smile started to tug at the corner of his lips, overjoyed that you'd finally managed to get a grip of the quirk you had. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and show me, (n/n)".
Focusing your energy into the palm of your hand, small violet sparks began appearing, slowly turning into a steady purple flame. A few seconds later, the flame grew, starting to dance as a proud smile appeared on your face, the fire reacting to your happy state. "See! When I'm happy, it grows like that, it's dancing! I'm finally learning, Touya".
Shutting off your quirk, you let out a pleased squeal as your body was lifted, and everything around you spun in a blur. Your arms wrapped around the neck of the white-haired male who had picked you up. "I'm so proud of you, (n/n)! You're getting there! You'll make a fantastic hero one day".
You looked into turquoise eyes, taking a moment to enjoy the calmness behind them. "Thank you for believing in me, Tou. You'll always be my biggest supporter, and I'll be yours".
Gripping the barrier in front of you, you let a soft sigh pass your lips. You'd gone for a stroll, only to find yourself in an all too familiar park that brought back memories. Memories of a time when it was you and Toyuya against the world, the one person you thought you'd lost for good.
At least that's what you thought until the other day. It was safe to say you felt like your whole world had been turned on its head. Now you didn't know what to think anymore. What to make of the person he'd become. Why did he have to choose their side? The side of the part of society that was the polar opposite of what you were.
It was pointless, no matter how much you tried to answer your own questions, you knew the one person who would be able to answer them wouldn't talk so easily. You knew for a fact that the raven-haired villain would never spill anything to you due to your obvious status.
A status that the pair of you had thrived for, for so long at one point.
Letting your eyes close once more, you shook your head to free your mind from the plaguing questions, memories and anything else that wanted to rear its ugly head to you at that moment.
After sucking in a breath and letting it out, you opened your eyes and pushed yourself off the barrier, making your way back home. The sights, smells and sounds that surrounded you helped you forget your worries.
out of everything going on in your life right now, you were thankful that the smallest of things still remained normal for you.
"Hey, (l/n), are you sure you're okay? You don't look so good, and it's quite concerning". You were usually a bright and outgoing teenager, but now, you were a shadow of your former self. Everyone could see the impact of Touya leaving on you, and it broke them more than you cared to realise.
Your eyes were now dull, and your skin pale in colour. You started to keep yourself hidden away whenever you could, refusing to socialise with anyone. Your school and home life took the full impact of the events, and your depression slowly started to corrupt everything around you.
Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours. Hours felt like days. Days felt like weeks. Weeks felt like years.
Everyone tried, but no one could break through your walls. They were impenetrable, even for your parents, and that hurt them; they didn't want to lose their daughter.
The soothing yet distressing beeping of machines rang through your ears, as the whiteness of the walls became an all too familiar sight for you. Your body was slowly shutting down, each organ wanting to give up this feeble fight.
If you didn't pull together soon, you'd be placed on life support, eventually having it turned off as you were pronounced dead. "Sweetheart, please. Please listen to us". A hand gripped yours and squeezed tightly, desperation and hurt amongst the emotions that the person holding onto yours felt.
"We don't want to lose you. You've dreamed of becoming a hero for so long. Please don't throw it away, we beg you, just fight". Staring ahead, you blinked slowly, painfully slowly, as if you had almost forgotten how to for a brief second.
Your parents were right, and you knew it. You'd always dreamed of being a hero for as long as you could remember. Saving people while being kickass and handing out some well-deserved justice to some villains who thought they were above you.
However, since Touya had disappeared, you'd neglected yourself to the literal point of either life or death, teetering as if you were ready to fall into the latter of those sides. "Touya-".
The hand squeezed yours again, this time harder than it had previously. "I know darling, become a hero for him as well. We know how much becoming a hero meant to the two of you. Do it for you both, he wouldn't want you throwing your dream away now, would he?".
Walking the busy street, you sighed quietly to yourself. You couldn't quite tell if it was in frustration or relief, but you didn't care right now. The chatter and noise from everyone around you were a welcome distraction. You needed to not ponder on your thoughts; you'd be your own worst enemy if you kept going.
Things had been so chaotic lately that the weird normality of the street was a welcome change. "Oh, look, it's Miss (l/n)!". The sudden loudness of the voice made you stop, causing you to bump into a couple of passers-by. Offering a quick apology, you turned and looked around, your eyes eventually falling on two of your students. "Ah, Midoriya, Todoroki. It's nice to see you both. Is there anything I can do for you?".
Rubbing his arm in embarrassment, your green-haired student kept quiet before looking at you. "I was wondering if you could go through some training techniques with me when we're at school? That's if you have time, I don't want~".
Smiling softly, you waved your hand to halt his talking, nodding your head. "Of course! After all, I said I'd help you all whenever and however I can. How about we go somewhere quieter, then we can talk better?".
Looking to the other student beside him, you tilted your head slightly as you began to turn around. "-Are you coming as well, Todoroki? I'm sure Midoriya will be thankful for the support from a classmate".
Looking up, the dual-haired male kept quiet for a moment, unsure of how to answer, before he nodded slightly. "Sure".
"And you see, that's where I get stuck, I know I should be using my legs. I've gotten Iida to show me some stuff, but we've come to a block after so long. What works for him doesn't work for me most of the time". Tapping your finger against your chin, you hummed in thought. This had to be one of the hardest things about being a teacher, trying to come up with something that could help him a little better than what he was currently doing.
"Okay, so I would still be doing your full-body workouts as they're important for your core and arm strength, but we should throw some leg-focusing ones in there. Ones that are tailored specifically to your needs. If you leave it with me, I'll draw something up for you and then we can go over it in more detail during class".
Both your students smiled happily in agreement and nodded before chatting about various things. Mostly amongst themselves as you looked on, a small smile on your face as an occasional laugh sounded, unaware of the two sets of eyes watching your every move from the alley opposite.
"You know, I can see why you're so fascinated, she's pretty. Maybe I could bloody her later, she'd look so much more beautiful than she does right now". The glee in the voice from the thought of your blood made the other figure roll their eyes, looking at the other with slight disgust. "Lay one finger on her and I'll burn you to ashes in an instant, no second chances or thoughts on my end. Got it?".
And they meant it, every word.
Just because the two of you were worlds apart in terms of your status didn't mean they wanted you to be hurt by their so-called associates, especially ones who loved to play with knives. After the events of the other day, they'd found themselves falling deeper, even if they tried to brush it off.
"I got it, yeesh, you're no fun at all". The tone of the voice turned to disappointment in an instant; they only wanted to make you look prettier, and the not-so-fun and stoic one had to ruin it. Instead, they took the joy of watching your movements and smiles.
Eyes watched you for the rest of the day until they grew bored and returned to their hideout, no doubt planning on how to see you once more.
An event that happened sooner than you thought possible.
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@dabislittlemouse @hawkwithsocks
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© springismss 2025 - don’t repost, copy, translate, steal or modify.
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sotsc-au · 19 hours ago
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Whoa, I really love your AU of Arin meeting up with Lloyd. I wanted to asked would you do the alternate version when Sora ended up going back in time during the merge instead of Arin?
The difference between the reason why I chose Arin instead of having Sora be with them too (Other than hands of times’ complications) was because Sora was inside Imperium(her room) when the merge happened, so unless I changed her going outside during it, she couldn’t get sent back by the merge. But yeah, I do think it would be interesting to see Sora and Lloyd instead too (some ideas i had was that Sora learns her powers in rebooted and actually gets her true potential there, she COOKED cryptor up and you know it) I do think they would be interesting but the thing thats different would also be the fact that Sora is not a ninja fan, thats only cause Arin is the one who always yaps to her abt it <3 so things like future vision wouldn’t really take part in this and such but Sora’s connection with dragons definitely would be shown in this with ultra and such.
And another thing is, I don’t think Sora would go with Wu, Nya and Kai into the vortex, less sacrifice herself like Arin because she has no idea about stuff happening (Arin’s prior ninja knowledge is what fueled him to saving Wu and sacrificing himself, if Sora never knew about Master Wu disappearing when the ninjas needed him the most like Harumi and Garmadon coming back, why would she refuse Wu’s wishes to be the one to fight the twins when Wu himself also sent her down) so yeah either way I don’t know how Sora will be going back if this does happen.
Along with that, Sora isn’t from ninjago, she knows nothing about the ninjas- again with how she said to Arin “we didn’t have anything like the ninjas where I’m from” so, she has no past self there, she’s just chilling (what she doesn’t realize is that this is breaking the timeline it hadn’t occurred to her until I would think Hands Of Time so she wouldn’t be as careful about making a change- she WANTS to make a change, I see her character as one that wants to stand out, to stand up and make a change especially due to how Imperium is dealing with everything like the dragons. She doesn’t realize what she’s doing (like being the one that could destroy the golden master before it started and Zane not dying due to her being able to save ninjago with her true potential) is altering so many events that it would have increasingly shifted the future, shifting so much it could have affected so many people, Think like Across the Spiderverse, Miles went to save someone that was destined to die and the whole universe rips apart, despite ninjago not ripping apart and everything this would I think cause the merge to be even more unstable if she doesn’t leave by Hands Of Time. (Though you know she’d get bad vibes from Harumi and Lloyd would just joke that she’s jealous when she literally isn’t and just think something’s up w Harumi)
Edit: another thing is Riyu was the reason she learned about the techno powers in the first place and Master Wu knows nothing about an elemental master of technology (cause technology wasn’t advanced till rebooted) so like, dunno how Master Wu will train her or show her she has powers, dunno how her true potential would really go too but I do like the thought of her helping Nya with being Samurai X
as much as I do want to do an alternate version it might not be the multiple posts like this, I might draw a few stuff on my main blog with them if you’d like!
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syb-la-tortue · 1 year ago
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Hey there, has your original blog been terminated?
yeppp, terminated since last December.
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 4 months ago
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actually...
looking at a bunch of my old favorite mutuals blogs that have been inactive for years. i miss them, even if i never really talked to any of them. when you're mutuals with a person for so long they become a comforting presence even without talking. you see them every day and read their posts about their thoughts or feelings or about what's going on in their life and so on. and they just become a part of your daily life in such a subtle way.
and then one day they just never post again. without warning. shit sucks. i actually hate it.
#i think about so many old mutuals like every day#just wondering where they've gone and what they're up to and how their lives have turned out#i love them and miss them so much#actually there have been a couple times when old mutuals suddenly become active again after years#but i can't count on that -- most don't#i wish there was some website or app or whatever#that would make it possible to stay in contact indefinitely#like i just imagine something like linktree or whatever#but also something more#just this one central hub with one username and it is just saved forever#and so any person who remembers your name can just look it up and suddenly have access to all these ways to contact you#because i've had my blog deleted a few times and like i gotta slightly change my url every time#so if someone looks up my og blog url they won't be able to find me#and that shit makes me sad#just a slight change in url could mean the difference between staying in contact#whatever#i get like this occasionally#nostalgic and sad because i miss old mutuals#scrolling their long abandoned blogs#idk why i do this to myself lmao#i do it with facebook sometimes too#i haven't posted since like high school#and sometimes i go back and see all my friends' profiles frozen in time#because a lot of their profiles are also inactive for whatever reason#i don't know why this shit makes me so sad#so yeah if you're a mutual -- even we don't talk -- don't ever just randomly delete or become inactive#even if we don't talk you can give me your other socials or whatever#or even an email idc#i just don't want to lose connection with any of you -- when i'm 80 years old i wanna reminisce with y'all#and i wanna throw everyone a feast someday
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prismbearer · 2 months ago
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Idk why there's disbelief over Mark S/Helly in terms of motivation. Helly is just as capable of cruelty and selfishness as Helena. They are at the core of it, the same person with different memories/experiences. They can be two perspectives worthy of indulging their own dreams and desires and also be the same person. Narratively here especially, this isn't about morality, it's about human nature.
Helly was never cruel, sure, of course. Helly felt like she was the same as the other people in MDR. But Helly has something right now that she never even achieved as Helena. Someone who loves her. Someone who is choosing her. Helly is Winning over Helena here.
Jame Eagen wanders down just to be a freak and reinforces the reality of it. Helly is "More" than Helena, hasn't been worn down by the weight of experience and the world (and their cult and corporate bullshit). She still has, in some way, the innocence of youth and lack of experience with the world. She doesn't have the same fears and burdens or triggers as Helena in her conscious experience. She still has the ability to express her passions and outrage and defend herself. And to love and not feel sorry for it.
Severance gave Helena a chance to exist without the learned perspectives and burdens of the Eagens and she is able to be free with herself and her passions and desires-- whereas Helena was likely drained of any dreams for potential beyond a strictly guided future decades ago.
Of course Helly is feeling a rush of joy and satisfaction over Mark loving her. Mark choosing her. She tried to do the "right thing" by being logical with Mark. "I'm her." Even outside of Lumon, if they bring it all down, there's no hope for an Eagen and an ex-severed employee in reality. In the Real World they will never be together. Mark couldn't love Helena, how could anyone love an Eagen? (Poor Helly really with like, the enemy is within etc, but that's kinda the situation framed by Lumon for everyone by setting the stage with your Innie isn't human kinda rhetoric.) (This was also reinforced by Helena trying to get close to Mark to see if he still had feelings or chemistry with her and finding out they were not going to work outside Lumon.)
What if the equator is a building that could be a continent? Can be their whole world? They're choosing to live Now. Together in the present despite knowing that with their half lives, they could be brought to an end at any moment. It's very willful young love of them. And why wouldn't it be? This is their First Love. They haven't even been "alive" that long or have any memory of romance beyond their current infatuation. They don't know the world or it's places, and maybe that's okay, maybe they can exist in this space so long as they have love and the others.
It's completely human for Helly to accept Mark choosing her. To run to him just to see him for maybe the last time. It's human for Mark S to run to Helly. It's human for poor Gemma, who doesn't even know her fucking husband is severed, to be pounding on the door.
But this is their Final Day to Mark and Helly. Maybe the very end of their world. It's Judgement Day. Of course they'd have them holding hands and running back to the unknown to face the end together. To die together.
There is also zero fucking chance Mark Scout would risk his life and brain continuing reintegration once his wife is back. Mark Scout is going to choose his wife. Mark is choosing Love on both sides here.
All of it is reasonable.
#this is true for all the innie/outie combos like#lets not forget theyre the same person. yes they are also separate and deserve to be respected in their experiences#in my mind theres a post credit scene of Devon dragging Gemma to a car and them driving to a secure location bc I can't live otherwise#unfortunately the severed floor is literally their world. has been all this time. all they know by design.#anyway. selfishness is so normal to the human experience and motivation. survival. love. growth#im going to be thinking about platos cave allegory stuff now actually. ough#anyway its 3am and this is all i can thnnk about#personal q#severance spoilers#read more bc mindless brain ramble got long#i love all the characters in this show I hope hope hope Gemma gets a focus in S3#i actually loved the reintegration bits but narratively it would change some of the themes more at this time#theyd have had to make full reintegration the only way for mark to save gemma to make it happen#i need gemma to get so much therapy and care. lumon better not touch her ever again im really so serious#im going to be emotionally devastated ny Mark turning for months#good news fucking up cold harbor probably means that whatever fuckery Jame had planned for Helena/Helly is probably also fucked#could you imagine tho if we actually get fresh 'severed' personas for them if Lumon abducts them all to a compound somewhere#if s3 starts like Just Another Day in the Office I'll scream#I'm starting to wonder if this whole draining the tempers experiment thing#is about being able to provide them for others as a rejuvenation thing now actually aha just from writing this#i think using Helly Wasnt Cruel to try to contain her character is very infantilizing like theyre not children they're striped of knowledge#and of experience#this is all very is love stored in memory or the soul etc. do the people in the cave want to leave the cave when the shadows on the wall ar#the only representation of reality they've ever known#this show is just like art/literaty analysis of themes its so pretty and tragic and terrible#severance#sorry added for the mutuals who dont need to see my taste in tv on my supposed gaming blog#idk a lot of this season was also helly spreading the concept of division from outie persona stuff which makes sense for her#but then getting to look back at gemma and see maybe an outie as a person etc too like. ough
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jargyles · 8 months ago
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GHOSTFACE!JANCY FIC FOR YA!
my rule for kinktober was to not have anything be over 1k but yall know how i get... i love them too much to shut up about em... its true.
also like i said its a scream au fic, the blood fearin gworls need not click but theres some social flops and jancy typical codependent vibes that r fun for the whole family
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st4rstudent · 1 year ago
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I've had this idea for a while but everytime I actually gave it thought, I'd get frightened last minute. But anyways, with summer coming up (and more free time), I've been considering making an ask blog of sorts just for fun. Does that seem like anything anyone would be interested in
naturally itd be more hc based because well. heh. looks around. gets scared
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Whenever I see people saying that Dazai's an asshole and doesn't care about anyone I laugh. Guess he did a good job of fooling you buddy.
#I mean it was an account which presumably liked Akutagawa#So I can TOTALLY see why this happened. I get it. Your fav was abused by this character and he's in general an asshole to a lot of people.#But also he isn't a complete monster and that's crucial to understanding his character.#I used to hate Mori and that made me make him ooc SO many times.#And I know it's not exactly the same but for your own sake : if you're biased towards a character please stop telling people they're wrong#about said character. Because your bias is probably preventing you from seeing Dazai in a caring light and that SHOWS.#“Dazai left chuuya behind in the woods” dude. Chuuya was his enemy. They were in war. He needed to take Q back.#Did people seriously think Dazai would be able to carry both a grown man and a kid on his back all the way to an extraction point?#And he literally took Chuuya back in stormbringer after the first time chuuya used corruption.#and he waited until chuuya woke up before leaving in dead apple and stayed beside him so that chuuya wouldn't be affected by the fog.#I think people overestimate Dazai's abilities sometimes. where tf was he supposed to take chuuya in dead apple?#there was still a battle going on.#There's nothing I hate more than dazai haters trying to make him look bad in every situation.#“oh he spent Kunikidas money that's asshole behav-” THEY'RE FRIENDS ASSHOLE!!!#If Kunikida wanted he could've kicked Dazai's ass to the sun and told him to never touch his wallet again.#he didn't. BECAUSE THEY'RE FRIENDSSSS (maybe something else too to the kndz shippers)#like shut up and leave ♡#also “this os MY post on MY blog” how do you feel about me uno reversing you sweetie <3#bungou stray dogs
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inkedhorror · 11 months ago
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oh when did that happen...
#THANKS GANG! i dont know when or why this happened but im glad u like my silly once in a blue moon art posts#i need to completely redo my personal tags Ugh my blog is a mess#um I want to post more art eventually but A) i havent made a solid drawing in a month and B) ivr finished writing 2 fanfics in my life Total#and they were oneshots.... For Sam & Max. looks away#executive dysfunction sux Boo i wld lovr to be able to finish writing smth else literally Ever. i have so many cool fic and au ideas#and i get so embarrassed or straight up forget abt stuff i do finish. like... shivers. Freakyverse#aka an abandoned utmv project between a friend group that kinda fell apart but Hey what can u do#namedropping varyswap simply bc i want to have it somewhere public that it does exist and im not crazy when i inevitably lose the google doc#sighs wistfully at the dozens to hundreds of google doc wips i have#i have so much i want to share but i dont even have enough written down for a full chapter of smth...#i would be fine posting abandoned wips if there was Enough for me to be satisfied with#its all messy drafts and half finished plot lines and i barely ever end up completing an entire scene#and. i dont like posting unorganized ideas in public spaces. i guess. idk#screams into a pillow#edit i have 3 finished fanfics total. wrote that 3rd one when i was 9-10. it was a utmv s/i fic abt her and her friends dying. head in hands#shoves my su fic ideas doc behind my back#so like... kicks the floor. anyone else insanely attached to concepts where characters are split into Pieces of themselves etc because#yeah im that person and i also like time travel and undead characters so you can imagine what my su ideas doc looks like rn#sorry i forgot this was a post abt how i have 150 followers#I WLD DO SOMETHING SPECIAL BUT ALAS#yall arent getting shit. Sorry. havent even gotten to the simple doodle requests in my inbox yet#love u xo#rabbit squeaks
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blackpearlblast · 2 years ago
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i'm not saying "i saw this coming" in an "i told you so" way but more than i happened to remake my account earlier this year so i ended up getting the "new user" experience and it seems pretty clear they were using new users as guinea pigs for their non-chronological following dashboard. and it sucks. you have to switch your dashboard over to "following" every time you refresh and there's no way to change the default to following. they said they were working on adding a way to change your default dashboard but i was always pretty damn skeptical of that given they went to the effort to making things DIFFERENT for newer accounts like, that does not show good intentions that shows going after people who don't know that they could have a better experience. and now they're trying to push it onto older users too, which was clearly always the plan. maybe i should've made more of a fuss but... honestly.... I am not a blogging warrior i am a sleepy insect. i just want to use tumblr to talk to friends and look at cool art and the weird dashboard stuff on my new account definitely gets in the way of that. basically the main feature that still makes tumblr worthwhile is our desktop blogs and the ability to sort and search posts using tags through someone's archive. but they're probably going to want to take that away too.
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tiercel · 2 years ago
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Tumblr talking about making its site the same algorithmic slop pile as every other social media bc the users migrating here are too soft brained to curate their own feeds
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#You dont understand tumblr is the only site that im able to use bc its not algorithmic slop#I can barely use youtube anymore bc i will get trapped in the vortex of shorts and suggested videos#I like tumblr bc unlike instagram twitter etc it allows you to create your own feed rather than force feeding you random posts#But lately it HAS been doing that & staff just released a statement basically amounting to ''new users are too confused so we're gonna pad#everything out'' corpspeak for ''we need to make the twitter refugees feel more at home by copying their dogshit falling apart site''#Tbh i actually enjoy tumblr as a much more niche site i think that by making other ppl realize its just a regular ass blogging site theyre#gonna clog it all up more than it already is. Not like it isnt already crammed to the gills with reactionary assholes#Like the reasons i stopped going to twitter was A. stupid bullshit like locking me out 4 no phone number and B. people driving me insane#I do NOT need the people that would trigger my mental illness on a nightly basis coming here to spread their spores#Namely the dramabrained weirdos looking for problems in everything and reactionaries that already exist here but will proliferate#Tumblr ALREADY isnt doing jackshit about t€rves or fash why the fuck would they do anything about a massive influx of them#Sorry i needed to bitch a little. Love this site but also hate the web3.0 philosophy of dumbing everything down#When are we crawling back into the primordial sea we came from (neocities and forums)#emf
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skyteglad · 2 years ago
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the latest aita is making me sad. the teeth one. because like... when i was a kid, i was told to have braces! and that i'd need an eventual surgery! and because i didn't want to, my parents didn't make me.
that surgery would've changed my life. i'm not fucking kidding. i'm pretty sure 75% of my physical disabilities stem from not getting that surgery. and by the time i was able to bring up trying to have corrective work again, i was two years from losing my insurance, and my parents procrastinated. now it seems like a pipe dream it'll ever happen.
i get being resentful of your parents forcing you to do things you don't want to do, but god damn, if mine had actually really pushed me into getting braces, my life would be so much different and so much better.
#riot.txt#personal#vent#sorry i'm just. really emotional and maybe a lil triggered#bc SO MUCH of my physical and mental health problems can be stemmed to my jaw#and my teeth.#bc i didn't get that surgery i can't swallow easily. i can't take medication i severely need. my back and neck are bent in ways i can't und#due to lack of breathing. i can't sit up straight bc i can't breathe and that's caused so much damage to me!#if they'd have pushed me into caring for my teeth and my body it would've saved me SO much heartache and pain. i'll have no way of knowing#how different life would be#but i know for a FACT i wouldn't have certain issues i have now... i'd be on mental health medication i wouldn't have chronic pain i'd be#able to function in society without feeling like a burden who'll never be able to get on social security#idk im jst... PLEASE iff you have the chance to have orthopedic work done - DO IT.#if your PARENTS are going to be footing the bill and have good insurance i PROMISE thats a fucking blessing#bc i can't work anymore and the surgery i need that might fix a lot of my life is in the tens of thousands without insurance that i cant bu#anyways sorry to ramble n trauma dump but its my blog and if ANYONE sees this and it helps them or convinces them to get work done while#they can then. idk. feels worth it to be vulnerable :'3#EDIT: also like... if they'd forced me sure i'd be resentful#but ykw i am rn? even more resentful for the intense medical neglect that stemmed from 'well he doesn't want to so lets not make him'#most kids don't want to go to the doctor. maybe if they'd taken me regularily to a fucking doctor i'd have more answers for what's wrong wm#like... god i'd have hated braces then bc ofc i would i was a kid#but i hate even more now knowing just how fucking NEGLECTED i was as a kid bc they let me make my own choices by going the hands off approa#iunno. anyways. nah on that aita. you're allowed to be upset and resent him for it but GOD he is not an asshole for caring about you#'your body your choice' does not apply here at all. i'm so sorry to tell u this. fdkgfdhgkjdgd#EDIT 2: didn't even MENTION the fact i have dehibilitating chronic migraines and headache that i suspect are directly tied to my poor denta#health!! LIKE. AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE ENTIRE DAY#SOMETIMES (OFTEN) MUTLIPLE TIMES A WEEK.#i only JST NOW got access to medicatio to help w it and i CAN'T. SWALLOW. THE MEDICATION THAT PREVENTS THE MIGRAINE FROM GETTING WORSE#I CAN ONLY SWALLOW THE DAILY MED... BC ITS _SO FUCKING TINY_.#aahghghfgdfhgdfjd -puts face in hands-
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brightdeadthing · 4 months ago
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.
#hi sorry to ventpost on the poetry blog again#but i gotta write this out so i can get my brain to SHUT UP and maybe sleep. anyway.#its just so interesting because like. i fear there is something wrong with me. i fear i am in fact fucked up for no good reason#smth smth imposter syndrome except im the actual imposter#and like. the issue i keep coming back to right. there are two options.#either this is just The Way That I Am or it's some chemical imbalance in my brain that i inherited#so either i have to do work to change as an actual person or do work to find myself treatment#because again. no one is coming to save me. there is no miracle cure i can take to be a different person.#and the thing about me. i had changing. i hate doing work. i dont want to do any of that.#tbh the problem right now is i dont really want to do anything except read and sleep and stare at the wall so you know. par for the course.#but even under the best of circumstances im just. a lazy person. i dont want to do things and i dont.#and re: there are two options right. like fundamentally it doesn't matter because this is still something i am. who cares if its my fault.#i still have to deal with that. i still might just fucking torpedo my career and my life and every opportunity ive ever been given#because i simply can't be bothered. because i would rather waste my money and my time just fucking rotting.#and what gets to me the most is the opportunity part too. i am SO FUCKING LUCKY to have the people and the life and the resources i do#and yet im still like this#if it was just a question of me i think i'd be able to bear it#but thinking about all the people who took a chance on me and believe in me and like me for some fucking reason is crushing#and admitting i cant get it together would be letting them all down#but keeping on like this still feels horrible bc im similarly letting them down by lying and allowing them to believe im a good person#I KNOW THIS SOUNDS DRAMATIC but do keep in mind i am in fact actively lying and hiding and making up excuses. i promise there are fr issues#and like i know the important ppl will stay regardless but thats almost worse somehow?#im just so scared of going from a loved-because to a loved-despite#even though i think that's the best kind. but Its Different When Its Me because obviously it is#if it turns out i just need to switch meds im gonna feel so fucking stupid in a week#except this has been a reoccurring theme for much longer than that so. re: i fear this is just the way i am. sigh#okay enough this isnt doing shit time to pass out woooo#to delete
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