#would've needed like... an actual childhood and parents i guess if i wanted to not be like this. ell em ay oh. oh well

[piplupod]

i would pay.... an exorbitant amount of money to just be normal. just. so much money. bc then i could work and make it all back eventually. and i could have friends properly instead of barely interacting except once every few days for like three mins before i disappear again bc i get tired and afraid. idk what normal means exactly but i am so tired of being like this. i just want to feel like a person who is allowed to interact with other people :|

[pepsiiwho]

Hey I’m just very curious- do you think you could expand on your thought here: “Persephone isn't a good mother and, imo, would have a very strained, tentative relationship with her actual son (and now daughter hahahahah damn....)”? It’s not a common take I’ve seen- at least in the parts of the fandom I frequented- and I’d like to know more about where you’re coming from. Like I know Nyx isn’t a good mom- particularly to Hypnos- but it’s way less common that I see people saying Persephone is a bad mom.

To be clear, I’m not disagreeing or being confrontational or anything- I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. Also what’s all this about the timeline implications? I don’t have a computer to play the early access on and so I have to hear about it second hand. All to say if you could tear yourself away from Hades 2 long enough to formulate a coherent response I’d be eternally grateful.

Sure! I just got to the final boss in hades 2 so I probably need a break. Ignore the shaking and cold temperature of my skin, I'm normal! Long post under the cut!

Okay lets see, first thing: any nyx or Persephone freedom fighters out there who wanna defend their mommies or whatever do it somewhere else, I don't give af. This isn't directed at you, I just gotta cover my bases. Anyway,

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Persephone (Pers) loves zagreus, I won't say she doesn't. She lost him once and that grief drove her to leave hell entirely, leaving her husband and home behind for solitude of her own creation. You don't get grief like that unless you loved someone, or the thought of someone, deeply. But, having said that— she was gone for (functionally) all of Zagreus' childhood, adolescence and a non-zero portion of his adulthood. A charitable read of their situation was that she wasn't absentee by choice, not knowingly at least, and if she knew she would've never stayed away as another woman raised her child and her husband abused said child because of her toll on his mental. My read is that she left, abandoning her husband and baby and when Zagreus went to find her she wouldn't even come back with him. He reached out, found her, begged her to come back and she wouldn't. The reasoning for WHY is something I've forgotten honestly, I haven't played HADES story mode all the way through in years, but regardless she didn't instantly come back and will herself into her son's life. Any deniability she had was gone by that point, imo.

And let's say, for argument, she came home and instantly was heavenly and kind and loving and everything zagreus needed then— doesn't change the fact she abandoned them.

I don't think you get to be a good parent when you missed all of your child's most formative years. That sort of loss is something you don't get back, time that doesn't get to rewind just because you made a mistake. I think a common fandom take with hades fans is that the family is fractured but whole by the end and everything is okay. That's nice, I guess, but I think it's boring and uninteresting. I much prefer a read that zagreus moved heaven and hell (literally) to get to his mother and he finally got what he wanted and still wasn't satisfied. She wasn't the goddess he expect. Not the. mother he expected. She was .... something else.

Theres a degree of negligence in her actions that just are unavoidable.

Unless I'm completely misremembering the events of the first game, (which is a real possibility, me and my best friend have done so much insane HC talking over the years canon and Fanon get blurry quickly—) I think she's a bad parent. And this isn't even touching on how her absence made Hades a worse parent and abusive figure to his son. I think of that quote from... somewhere, that was something to the effect "an abused child's saddest realization is that they didn't have a normal parent and (1) abusive parent— they had (2)" Zagreus had to have thought that if she hadn't left, abandoned him, he wouldn't have to endure what he does.

As for time line mess: it's too vague. (It's funny you sent this when you did, I actually was just talking about this with my bestie, all of 15 minutes ago. You cursed me, witch)

So assuming I understood hades lore, with only the first game as our point of reference (no myth, no outside media, just the in game text) Hypnos, Zagreus, Than and Meg are around the same age. Thanatos and Hypnos are twins, meaning they're the same age and it's implied that meg grew up around the twins and zagreus as well. Zagreus openly references their shared childhood with nyx and achilles and probably other characters I forgot. But what matters is that if they grew up together that tells us one of two things:

Gods are functionally made like human children are. Not for a purpose or function but just because the parent wanted them (or had an accident) and then a aspect is applied to them at birth/conception OR

Gods are created by their parents to fulfill some sort of need that the parent didn't/couldn't/shouldn't do themselves. This seems to be the more textually supported answer, if Nyx and her fucking high school football team worth of children mean anything.

Neither option is one I like, because they don't make much sense to me in relation to humanity but that's neither here nor there. Personally, I think godhood should work like the concept of storks do in that when humanity needs a new figure to pray to or invoke, a child is 'born' and delivered to the parent. So, by this logic, the base needs of human begins would come before all else right?

So just within Nyx's family, the ages should really go Chaos > Nyx > Fates [?] > Hypnos > Than > Charon > etc etc etc. Because human beings must sleep before they die and then die before they're transported to hades and so on and so on.

But in THIS model, Hypnos and than would be considerably older then humanity and everyone else in the house, hades included. Which means they'd be far too old to have grown up which zagreus. Or maybe zagreus is way too old to be acting so childish? It's hard to say. Neither answer is particularly satisfying. That also doesn't even bring into account the olympians. And don't event get me STARTED on Melione. God. The timeline has major implications for her and her story depending on where she falls on it.

But that's a whole other rant. Like this is already getting long as shit. I hope this made sense and I'm glad you asked! I enjoy going on my senseless rambles.

Well, back to the horrors (hades 2) <3

[chronurgy]

economic navel gazing and weird childhood situations under the cut I guess

Apparently there's some poll going around asking about how much your parents made/your economic situation growing up and it's weird for me.....

Growing up my parents divorced when I was very young. My mother had primary custody and her economic situation was......complicated. I'll come back to that in a minute. But my father was very well off. Possibly not at that time, definitely later. But I didn't.... Well frankly I saw little to none of it for a number of complicated reasons. Except when I got older I definitely did benefit from it so that's even more complicated. It's just a weird situation all around.

Uh, but getting back to my mother. I know there were time periods things were very bad for us. I know especially early on after the divorce and then after 2008 it was food stamps bad. I knew things were really precarious for us at times, that's part of why I got my first job. I needed to help contribute to things like my clothes, school supplies, etc.

But. Um. Well frankly, it isn't clear how true to life that precarity I felt was. There were times when it truly, genuinely was bad, I know that for sure. But it also seems like there were plenty of times where it wasn't nearly as bad as I was told/assumed it was, especially in my later high school and college years. During that period there were definitely times where my mother leaned on me to pay for clothes and food and my half of the phone bill when she probably didn't need me to. She just, uh, found it more convenient to leave me to my own devices. Like with my wisdom teeth (and the road trip after that, oh boy) and the dentist more generally and when I was sick and really any time she just didn't feel up to things. So there are a lot of things looking back where it isn't clear that we didn't have the money for it so much as we had the money and she didn't want to spend it on me.

So I don't really know what we had going on, money wise. I think I definitely assumed we were of a lower economic class than we actually were, at least later on. I probably didn't need to have part time jobs plural in high school. I think I would've kept them anyway because I liked having a source of money that I could rely on, one that wouldn't change its mind or hold it over me if it bought me something. But I thought it was all necessary back then and in retrospect I don't think it actually was. More weird feelings all around there. Just. Yeah. I don't actually really know what economic class it would be fair to say I grew up as. I usually stick with middle class because that feels fair, I grew up in a house in a nice suburb and that felt mostly stable, so I had most of the trappings of that sort of upbringing. And sure we were poor at times but to a lower degree and for a shorter period of time than I realized, I think. So middle class seems fair enough, I don't think I'll net any complaints about that. It's just......weird. There was a period of time where I thought we were really poor. Where I didn't ask for things because I thought/knew we didn't have the money. It's weird to have to rethink and reframe it all in light of what I know now/have learned since. It's just weird.

[clayvedevs]

Thanks for tagging me liz @steffigraf for the get to know me tag game <3

1. Do you make your bed?

Absolutely. If i don't then it'll bug me every time i look at it

2. Favourite number?

Probably either 7 for feanorian related reasons or 2 because that's the number i assign x to in maths exams when i can't actually work x out. It's worked for me like 70% of the time

3. What's your job?

Uni student full time, but i'm hoping to get a part time job somewhere. Those student fees don't pay themselves lmao

4. If you could go back to school, would you?

This may be rose tinted glasses, but my high school wasn't that bad if we ignored some things. Yeah nah i'm not going back

5. Can you parallel park?

If there's no cars or just one car on one of the ends then yes, but if there's a car in front and behind me, no

6. Do you think aliens are real?

I like to think that there's someone out there. Maybe they're just too far away to contact, or maybe they're only in their paleozoic era

7. Can you drive a manual car?

Nope because we didn't own a manual car when i learnt to drive. But if we did then i would've liked to learn on a manual because i reckon manual cars are making a comeback

8. Guilty pleasure?

I don't know what's considered "cringe" these days, but i like to listen to history and pop culture podcasts if that counts. Also buying study snacks, which isn't exactly a guilty pleasure per se, but i feel guilty when i look at my bank account after the purchase hehe

9. Tattoos?

None. I can't even commit to a tumblr url so yeah i don't think i should be making any those sorts of decisions yet

10. Favourite colour?

Red and orange, but i've got a lot of green in my closet

11. Favourite type of music?

Rock maybe, or soft rock. But i've been listening to a lot of soul and latin music lately. I used to be a massive theatre kid and would listen to cast recordings of musicals religiously

12. Do you like puzzles?

I love puzzles and games and escape rooms and yeah

13. Any phobias?

Not really i think. Nothing too big that it's considered a phobia

14. Favourite childhood sport?

It's kinda ironic that i used to play tennis as a kid and i hated it asdfghjk. Now I wish my parents pushed me more to play comps and stuff but i'm getting back into the swing of things! Now it's my favourite sport to play. I've always loved watching tennis though

I guess swimming when i was younger maybe? I was quite good back in the day (year 7), but i never did squad. And maybe field hockey, but i've only ever played that in school sport but that was always fun

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes when i'm doing school work and i need to talk myself through my process lol

16. Tea or coffee?

Tea, but coffee's been growing on me recently. I really want to try vietnamese egg coffee, but i've heard that stuff is pretty strong. Vietnamese egg hot chocolate is very good though. Highly recomend

17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?

Archaeologist. I still think it'd be very cool. What can i say? Indiana jones and the mummy was formative for me growing up. Evelyn o'connell my beloved

18. What movies do you adore?

I love a good adventure movie, like the ones i mentioned earlier. Also murder mysteries, agatha christie or otherwise

Tagging: @fritzes @swiateks @veesmiley @hubillusion @bluespring864 @aliassimes @tennispilled @sincaraz @rodlaveraryna @sinnerruud @pencildragons @eccentricmya @kingfisherprince and any one who wants to try it out!

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

They tried to push me down But I just wiggled around until they couldn't hold me Years and years, they couldn't hold me

More vent art with Crocrow, this time with a younger me as well. Based on one childhood trauma from when I was a young teen.

A uh, explanation under the cut plus resources if you are also someone suffering from abuse and want an escape, I swear I'm doing okay! This art is to just put old feelings to rest!

I can't remember my age (most likely an early teen) or the full details, but once when I was a teen, I was in the middle of a breakdown in class and was dissociating, and the teachers then didn't let me leave even after class and were constraining me, out of instinct, I bit down hard on her arm, unlike this artwork i didn't cause her to bleed, but I remember her afterwards saying that if I actually did break skin, she would've called the police on me. I remember then saying, in my dissociation, who I'm sure now was Crocrow back then, "I am proud, because I can hurt you."

That scared them good.

I don't entirely know why we said that to her, but if I had to guess... I've dealt with a lot of lack of control as a kid, I felt that I was often dragged into awful situations and I often didn't have the ability to fight back, so when at one point I did fight back, and managed to cause damage enough that a teacher, a authority figure that normally had all the power over me, was scared of me enough to threaten the coppers at me, I could only feel pride, because now there was less control over me, now I knew that I could fight back, and that if anyone wanted to hurt me, they'd get consequences for it.

Uh, whew, sad kid Tara momence amirite KJKJDSHKSDHKSD

But anyway, one final thing I want to say, if you are in a situation of abuse, whether it be under parents, school, in work, or so on, one where you have no control over, I want to tell you there is a way out of them, you won't deal with it forever and happiness is always in reach. Hell, you don't actually have to bite people's arms to necessarily fight back, sometimes just living, and finding ways to make yourself happy is the bravest and most powerful thing you can do.

Because when under all the pain that abusers give or have given you, and you choose to keep surviving, it shows that despite everything, they don't control you, because you are a survivor.

Have some resources to help you if you need them, I will add more if asked, please feel free to send me!!:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/

www.domesticshelters.org

www.bacaworld.org

www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm

www.unicef.org/child-protection

[licncourt]

some thoughts on incest in iwtv

I already had this partially written for later, but I've received a few asks on various topics surrounding this issue so I guess I'll talk about it now.

In short, I think the incestuous themes in IWTV had a lot of wasted potential for psychological horror. I don't think it was necessarily a terrible choice if it had been utilized to its full potential, but that never occurred the way it needed to in order to feel like it made sense in the narrative. If I had to boil it down to a tl;dr, I'd say that the incest feels unnecessary and gratuitous in some cases because the deeper themes and story elements that are virtually always the point of Gothic incest are inadequately thought out and never feel like a complete exploration of the topic. Something like incest is so sensitive and so easy to use for cheap shock value that it requires a thoughtful approach and capable touch to work.

The psychosexual fixation Claudia develops on Louis in IWTV is the first and most fleshed out example of incest in VC and the most interesting, in my opinion.

As an exploration of isolation and familial trauma, I think Claudia's feelings for Louis could've been very impactful in the narrative. Maybe controversial, but I think incest themes work really well in horror and can be done in a way that creates something really compelling, and the groundwork for that existed in IWTV. Without follow-through though, it felt like an unnecessary disruption of the father-daughter dynamic which already held a great deal of tragedy in itself.

Before Claudia's feelings for Louis shift, I would've liked to see a deeper exploration of not only her growing alienation from her physical body, but also of her physical isolation. From the age of five, Claudia has been completely cut off from the world, only Louis and Lestat, her parents, as her companions. They've been filling every role in her life from early childhood and I think that's often overlooked as a contributing factor in Claudia's deterioration.

If that had been explored more deeply, that caged-animal aspect of her existence, I think her final escalation to incestuous feelings would have felt less jarring. Maybe there could have been attempts on her part to turn children her age or a fixation on another adult in their social circle, something to indicate to the reader where her mind is at outside of wanting an adult body for the sake of it and being angry at her unimaginably small world. I think the scene with the her murder of the Creole woman in the movie was a great way to express that actually, maybe even better than the mother and daughter in the book.

With that established more clearly, I think the turn of her fixation on Louis would have been more impactful, pushing the horror and desperation of her situation as she approaches her breaking point versus this sudden switch from familial affection to something sexual and romantic.

This dynamic is really interesting and heartbreaking for Louis as well. I think it's pretty clear that her romantic feelings are not returned by him (thank God) and he only sees her as a daughter, his little girl, but there are still a couple of reasons why he seems to allow this to continue. Firstly, he's isolated in his own way. He has Claudia and Lestat, but that's all, and as the years pass and his relationship with Lestat continues to deteriorate, he's left alone with all the emotional needs that are going unmet. He doesn't have any friends or other family or community and that's combined with an incredibly painful and stressful environment.

I think what's incestuous in the traditional sense for Claudia becomes emotional incest on Louis' part, the idea of a parent looking to a child to fill the role of confidante and support system to an unhealthy level. He's emotionally reliant on Claudia in a way that makes him desperate to keep her happy and close, but also is enough reciprocity of that peer relationship to feed into Claudia's fantasies. She wants to play house and Louis wants to give her whatever it is that will give her some modicum of happiness for his own sake as much as hers.

I actually think this was pretty well developed on Louis' end which makes sense because this kind of emotional incest is far less difficult to deal with in a literary and thematic sphere. It's a common phenomenon and doesn't violate taboo in the same way. You see where he's coming from, caught between his desire for true companionship and his incredible need to cling to his paternal role Neither approach is healthy, but at long last Claudia's reliance on her parents for all of her emotional needs are mutual. It's an equalizer just like their trauma bond was, but this also makes their relationship even more untenable.

In true Gothic tradition, the horror of incest in IWTV doesn't necessarily come from the act itself, but what it represents in the narrative. It's a mouse in a trap gnawing its own leg off to escape, it's repeating cycles of trauma the characters don't even know about, it's the total corruption of what's supposed to be incorruptible and the denial of the comfort that unchanging stability brings, it's being so alienated from the world that you only have your own reflection left to turn to unless you want to spend eternity on the outside looking in.

(For anyone interested, Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews is a book @sofipitch mentioned to me when we were discussing this topic as a better example of incest in Gothic fiction published around the same time where all these themes and elements are explored. I read the book after she brought it up and I absolutely agree with her. It tackles a lot of the horror themes I just mentioned but in a more deliberate way.)

[lovewithmary]

can you plsss elaborate on Evie’s relationships with the characters from the MCU (if you want)?

buckle up everyone, because I've thought about this for an unnecessary amount of time. i'm gonna cover the avengers, sam, bucky, rhodey, pepper, and peter. btw the mcu timeline is not organized so just ignore the timeline. this is long im so sorry

her relationship with her dad is great in comparison to how tony grew up. I don't really include this, but evie is a one-night stand baby. she was created back in tony's playboy days pre-pepper, and evie's bio mom isn't really involved. however, it doesn't really matter because evie has tony and she never felt as if she needed to seek out her bio mom. tony is relaxed when it comes to parenting evie most of the time because compared to him, evie was pretty tame growing up (which doesn't really take a lot to do considering how wild tony was). there were times when he was too overprotective of her (the time when the avengers were constantly being assembled) but other than that as long as she doesn't get herself into too much trouble, he trusts her. tony is very aware of how his childhood was and actively tries to make sure he goes out of his way to do the complete opposite.

her relationship with pepper in the beginning was evie saw pepper as her dad's secretary and that was that. evie was a little kid at this point when pepper was first hired, maybe 4-5, and tony had been through a bunch of secretaries who quit after a month or two. so pepper staying longer than anyone had expected surprised evie, which led to her slowly opening up to pepper. eventually, evie saw the tension that pepper had with her dad, and wanted them to get together. she was absolutely excited when they did, and even more when they got married (in my head they got married earlier than they did). evie was flower girl and max was the ring bearer. as evie got older, her relationship with pepper got stronger and you would've never guessed they weren't really mother-daughter based on how they acted.

rhodey was her favorite uncle (don't tell the others) hands down. he was her godfather and he had helped tony out with evie in the beginning when evie was just a baby. every time evie blew up a lab or did something that made tony grow white hairs, rhodey would always tell evie that she was tony's karma. no one was able to handle tony by themselves, and now tony could barely contain evie by himself. rhodey's the uncle she'd run away to if she accidentally got in trouble to hide. but it didn't last long considering rhodey would always tell tony whenever she ran away to his, but she'd do it again without fail because there's not a lot of places she'd be willing to run to.

the first avenger evie had met was actually natasha. when natasha went undercover as natalie rushman, evie barely saw her so she didn't have an opinion of her. but once evie saw natasha (as natalie) kick happy's ass, she was immediately suspicious of natasha but never said anything because she was just a kid at the time, so who was going to believe her. but in the end, when natasha gave up her undercover identity and showed up with her spy suit, evie just said, "i knew it," and natasha has been in her life ever since. after evie had been kidnapped the first time, natasha decided to teach evie how to defend herself—black widow style. natasha was like the aunt that probably shouldn't be teaching her how to paralyze someone temporarily by pressing certain pressure points of the body, but she does anyways.

wherever natasha is, clint always ends up following. clint noticed that natasha was frequently gone despite her mission about tony stark ended not too long ago. so clint followed natasha to the stark tower and saw how natasha interacted with evie. natasha never had many opportunities to interact with children, so the fact that she was able to act so familial with evie was fascinating to him. this, as a result, made clint want to see what was the big deal about stark's spawn. his first impression wasn't the best, considering he popped out of one of the vents in the tower and evie had gave him a good punch with a surprising amount of power for how old she was at the time.

bruce was the next one evie met, shortly after the battle of new york, bruce visited the rebuilt stark tower. what he didn't expect was a bundle of energy named evie stark who practically had stars in her eyes when she saw him. in the beginning, evie thought of bruce as a god. she had read all his papers on gamma radiation and watched videos on youtube about the hulk, and practically idolized the man. this honestly weirded bruce out at first, because this was the first time a kid had been so excited to see him since he became the hulk. but evie's thoughts on bruce changed, thinking of him as an uncle instead of her hero (she had said that once in front of her dad, and he wouldn't stop sulking the rest of the day).

it took a little bit for evie to meet steve. considering he was too busy being the poster boy for SHIELDRA, she didn't actually meet steve until about a year after the battle of new york. evie didn't know what to think of him; on the one hand, he was a science experiment gone right and she desperately wanted to gather data, but on the other hand, she knew that steve and her dad barely got along. steve wasn't so keen on evie either, automatically assuming that tony stark's daughter was going to be like her dad. but he was immediately wrong when he had met her, she was more of a toned down version of tony and pepper.

thor was like the uncle evie barely saw, but when he visited, his visits were always memorable. when thor had long hair, he let evie braid his hair while he recounted tales of adventures back in asgard. these stories, as a result, caused evie to demand ask thor to take her to asgard. tony immediately shot it down, but evie was able to wear her dad down and reluctantly let her travel to asgard. she wasn't there for long, but asgard was definitely a dream vacation spot for her (too bad max can't take her even if he wanted to).

bucky was someone that she didn't know how to feel about. after the whole civil war business (i am actively denying everything after civil war), she had made it a point to actively stay away from the man. not because she was scared of him, but because of what happened when he was the winter soldier and what he did to her grandparents. she didn't try to blame him, but he was the man who inadvertently caused so much pain for her dad. but she had warmed up to him once he came back from wakanda to get rid of the brainwashing programming and bucky showed evie a picture of the goats he had taken care of when he was in wakanda. bucky and her are now cool, and she even managed to help bucky sneak the wakandan goats into the tower (much to her dad's dismay, who had found one of the goats in the elevator and that's how he found out there were now goats in his tower).

peter and evie's relationship was enemies to friends to lovers to friends again. evie initially didn't like peter because of how much tony spent time with peter (she didn't know that peter was spiderman at this point, so she saw peter as a regular intern). and it escalated even more when evie had been enrolled in peter's school by tony, who claimed that he just wanted the best education for his daughter (in reality he wanted her and peter to get along). peter was aware of evie's dislike for him, and he was genuinely confused about why. but evie changed her mind about him once she found out about his superhero identity when peter had climbed into her bedroom window accidentally instead of her dad's lab window. upon seeing the blood and the shredded suit, evie had panicked and her panicking got worse when she saw it was peter behind the spider-man suit. when they became friends, they got together (which max did not like, for some reason) but ultimately broke up when evie saw how mj and peter interacted.

[whyamiheretumbled]

Rise Leo and the Cluster B spectrum

@smudged-kaleidoscope YES, ITS BEEN MONTHS,BUT GUESS WHOS BACK WITH TMNT UHM INTERPRETATIONS?! MEEEEEE!!! And today, why I think Rise Leo might be on the cluster B spectrum.

IMPORTANT NOTES:I am not a licensed professional, all of this is done through forums run and managed by those with a Cluster B disorder, talking to those with cluster disorders, research, and anaylziation. Also, personality disorders DONOT make people inherently abusive. Maybe, MAYBE, abusive tendencies, due to the way their brains interpret things, but this does not make them ALL abusive. It is a personality disorder, not a reason nor excuse to be a prick. Abuse all boils down to the PERSON.

The four types of Cluster B Personality disorders are:ASPD, NPD, HPD, AND BPD. These are characterized by unstable lifestyles and erratic/dramatic behaviour.

Personally,I think Leo shows symptoms of all(since Cluster B's and other Clusters have an overlap) and as a person with multiple HC'S who is also NOT licensed, it's hard for me to choose exactly what to identify Leo as.

He is histrionic, he enjoys being the center of attention and feels uncomfortable when people are not entertained. He could be sociopathic(since psychopaths have complete absence of bonds apparently, that's why I didn't identify him as this), low empathy towards his brothers and others, he's full of himself to mask any and all insecurities, and he's afraid of being emotionally abandoned.

But at the end of the day, I think Leo might be sociopathic(or at least have sociopathic tendencies) and have NPD. The reason why I don't believe he has BPD is because he doesnt seem to have the same mood switches commonly shown in BPD(I'll compare his behaviour to his brothers later!). OF COURSE, mental health looks different in everyone, and he could still have BPD, maybe quiet BPD instead of 'standard'. Same thing with HPD. Histrionics tend to 'over-react', and want attention on them at all times. But Leo isn't especially clingy, and while he is dramatic, I'm not sure if it's out of him actually being emotional.(So his dramatics would be an example of him having an overlap between the four personality disorders.)

Now, why do I think Leo has NPD and or ASPD?

APSD and NPD have both been researched, and, according to peoples experiences, seem to stem from genetics and childhood trauma. We already know Splinter was/is quite full of himself, which could've been a symptom, and maybe he has a personality disorder, but for the sake of not feeling like analyzing him today, let's just say this was brought on by childhood trauma.

We KNOW Splinter was neglectful, and that the brothers are all dissatisfied with their relationship with him, and how he raised them. Their normal is being ignored by their father. Leo constantly seeks out other father figures, as well as trying to act similar to Lou Jitsu to try and impress the one he has. This already makes Leo not have the emotional support he needed growing up. Being ignored from time to time by a parent, and then them randomly deciding you're important, is very hurtful(I know from experience). Other factors could be them growing up in the sewers, isolated. They never had any social interactions besides each other and basically the media to know how to act, and let's be honest, Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim both seem to be pretty egotistical characters. If Leo was looking up to them, he most likely mimicked the way they behaved. We see in the series and in the movie his brothers,or family in general, don't especially trust him, which would've filled him with self doubt, and therefore, double down.

In addition to this, Raph is known to be overprotective. He lived a life with little to no boundaries. There are SO MANY factors adding up to his personality developing in a different way.

In the series and movie, we see that Leo has many insecurities and masks this with his dramatics and being full of himself. Does this mean he ACTUALLY feels this way? Maybe he feels like this at some points, but this doesnt mean he feels like this all the time. Guess what personality disorder(s) deal with this? That's right! Cluster B!

When Leo feels insecure, targeted, attacked, etc, he doubles down. He acts out. He tries to sway what's happening the way he wants it to go. He builds walls. He might even lash out at people, and say hurtful comments. When Leo is confronted about his tendencies, those walls go up, and he starts trying to distract whoever. if he feels REALLY self doubtful, like seen in that one ep with Splinter and Leo infiltrating Big Mama's, he gets upset and questions why, after EVERYTING, why dont thry trust him? Why are they mad at him for no reason? He didn't do anything, right? They're the ones who are being weird, not him.(this is also an example of how Leo distorts his reality).

In Cluster B(well, alot if not all personality disorders technically)people who have said disorder(s) may also lash out if they feel offended. This doesn't mean just because they feel perfectly attacked. In the movie, Raph gets kidnapped by the Kraang because Leo was desperate to get the key(to prove his self worth?). Leo goes into a moment of hysteria, I think the character term is. He has a anxiety attack. He's lost his big brother, and all he got was the key. He's a fucking failure. And who is the reason for this failure?

Casey. Leo immediately goes after him, blocking everything else out and fighting his brothers just to attack him. When April asks 'so you just, left Raph?' Leo pushes the blame away, talking about how he left himself. He blames Casey, because he knew, he had to knew, and he just let Raph get hurt. This seems like a mixture of him lashing out because of both his own attacked ego(since he couldn't preform the task fully) and being upset because Casey hurt someone close to him(which I'll go into later ToT).

Throughout the film(and series) Leo constantly strives for attention/affection. At least on the emotional side. He keeps quoting Casey, and when finally confronted with the fact he isn't 'the best', he reflects, and then sends himself in the Prison Dimension later on(and he most likely thought/knew, he wouldnt be making it out. He sacrificed himself for everyone to be happy, to prove he was worth something, that he could be a hero, etc). In the series, Leo constantly makes jokes and stuff to make everyone pay attention to him! In one episode, the Sydney one, Leo is trying to a do a trick, but he instead crashes, straight into the wifi! And he blames Donnie, for putting it in the spot, not on himself, because why would he be blamed? Donnie should know not to put stuff where they don't belong. It's not his fault.

Another thing, Leo refuses to be wrong about almost anything! And I can see how it could be frustrating,if no one EVER believes you. But sometimes, Leo was wrong, but he still refused to listen to anyone else just because he had to 'prove something'. I feel like at some moments, he does feel maybe guilty about his inability to listen and learn, but for the most part, he believes he's right all the time and everyone else just can't be unless they agree with him.

Yet another symptom is a general lack of respect for authority. Once again, throughout Rise, Leo questions Splinter's authority and Raph's, even if it is a bit subtle. Even in the Hidden City, he's enthusiastic about Senor Hueos's past. Yes, it's cool he was a pirate. But also, pirates say fuck authority. I feel like he doesn't even care enough to be in authority. He trusts his brothers, Raph, at least, he trusts them to a slight extent to have good ideas or whatever. But more often than not, he thinks they need guidance. He could feel uncomfortable by directly being in charge until his character development. So, he let's other people 'run the show', while he does stuff in the background. He doesn't care enough to fully be in charge, but if a plan is stupid, he's gonna say something(a lot of EPs highlight this, like Donnies Gifts, Mystic Mayhem, the episode where they frst meet Big Mama, you get the point lol!) And in Snow Day, Leo can be seen writing down all the rules, which I'm going to take as him waiting to break/bend/loop them later on XD

AND OMG, I've mentioned this a lot already but Leo is so fucking insecure! Like seriously 😭😭😭😭 his whole persona of being the 'face-man' quite literally means he has little to no personal sense of self. He's fucking insecure, he masks, he feels like he's nothing with his brothers. Face man literally is barley a part of the team, it just means he shoes off to people and entertains them! And this guy, when someone doubts him, he gets so upset 😞 enough abt this point tho, since I've ranted enough on it already!

Fucking. Favorite. People. Contrary to popular belief,you dont have to have BPD to have a favorite/fixated person, or have one, or have them be a romantic interest. For Leo, I think his favorite people would probably fluctuate around his family. If I had to choose a specific one, then most likely Raph. I would say Donnie, but I just don't feel like he 'looks up to him' as he does to Raph. Raph is the big brother, who they look to for guidance, and to handle everything. Without Raph during the movie, that was the only time Leo was actively trying to fix his behavior. He sees Raph as a little dumb maybe, sure,but I genuinely think he finds him VERY important, a slight exception to that authority thing, etc.

Next point, little to no empathy! Leo is very sarcastic, maybe more than Donnie. He can be very, very patronizing towards others in certain situations(like the Repo Mantis ep where they were looking for the Mystic Metal!). There are some points, yeah, where Leo shows empathy ("that lady in a wheelchair walked! ", having a pillow with Donnie's logo, apologising to Raph for everything's he's done-) but I think some of those points are either him masking, being overdramatic about how he actually feels(which could be way less intense) and maybe just actually feeling emotional. Having ASPD/NPD do NOT mean you can't feel emotions, a common symptom just happens to be little to no empathy! And I feel like Leo acts like this on enough occasions for it to count.

Leo iis proud, loud, and shows off, but since I've already said this part so much I won't go deep into it ;-;'.INSTEAD, let's talk about Leo being manipulative! This is another point I've mentioned, Leo swaying things or people to go the way he wants. I don't think this makes him bad. He might not even realize he's doing it sometimes. (He's also a teenager, which I have to mention later ToT) People with Cluster B may tend to manipulate others, but this is due to the way their brain works, and shouldn't be used to demonize them, especially since untreated Cluster disorders are very self destructive and hurtful to the individual. Some if not most people with NPD/ASPD might dream of manipulating others, or already do so. Once again, this doesn't make them bad.

Risk-taking, but hating consequences. Leo loves risk taking. He can be impulsive. He skates in a 'high crash area' where a spread of food is out. He takes off his suit just because he wanted to breathe, knowing that there was a wild sick Splinter running about. He throws himself into the Prison Dimension 😭😭😭😭 but one of the things I think that separate him from his brothers, is that he maps stuff out(kinda like April). He knows the risk, he takes the risk, he's reckless because he's BORED and wants to have FUN. And sometimes, if the risk isn't good enough, he says fuck it and doesn't go for the reward:AKA, adrenalin, dopamine, whatever good brain chemicals you can think of that make you be like 'Woo, fun! '? That's what he's chasing.

Okay, iI'mma compare Leo to his brothers :^ now. Well, specifically his moods. While his brothers, might be prone to breaking down, getting easily upset and angry, ETC, Leo is way more calm. There's a lot of specific instances in the show of his brothers losing their cool, but Leo rarely does. He just keeps the mask up, and if he's mad, he's mad. But sometimes, even when he's 'mad', he's still running off that rush that comes from it. This isn't a specific symptom or anything, I just wanted to compare how their moods are different, since I was like'Wait... Wait a minute? '

Final thing(for now >:}). Leo is a teenager. Personality disorders form, yes, but since he's a teenager, hormones can easily mimic symptoms, and a few assumptions and symptoms doesn't mean having the disorder. But, based off this stuff I mentioned and more, I think he might be a sociopath and maybe vulnerable NPD. If I used anything incorrectly, or worded it wrong, or misinformation, please let me know! I know Cluster B's are all heavily stigmatized and seen as abusers. I don't see everyone with Cluster B as an abuser, nor do I think Leo is an abuser. I don't think any of his traits that come off as 'bad' ruin him as a character, or means there is something wrong with him. I recently saw a few posts, and felt motivated to finally make this.💔

[balanceoflightanddark]

Alright. A while back, I answered a question regarding Claude.

The post was not good. I'll be the first to admit that I have problems with replaying games on multiple routes because I'm the kind of person that gets overwhelmed easily by so much stuff being thrown at me at once. Couple that with my issues in regards to playing games and actively making things worse (I mean I'll be the first to admit that I doom search stuff when I feel awful) AND my assuming I could just wing it without any regards to proper research, which led to a really badly worded and misrepresentation of the character. Regardless of my feelings towards Claude, nobody should get the shaft like I gave him.

For that, I apologize and I'm releasing this...I guess you could say an updated continuation of the post. I also rereleased the original and included a link so you know where I'm coming from so you can judge it in full. Here I'm just going to go through some of the big sticking points and screw-ups I made one by one.

A big thanks in advance for my friends on discord for pointing them out.

Not well-liked in either country due to his mixed heritage, he was raised in the Leicester Alliance and basically is representative of their policies.

Claude was actually raised in Almyra, not in the Alliance. He only made the transition till he was old enough to understand the situation between Fodlan and Almyra in greater detail. The two countries were political enemies, so the idea of somebody of Fodlan descent because of their parents (King of Almyra and a Duchess of Leicester) becoming king didn't win him any favors back home. Neither did his being from Almyra make him popular with the Alliance. Really part of the reason he made the transition between countries was that he wanted to open up borders and ease tensions between Almyra and Fodlan from within Fodlan's system. Which is an admirable goal, obviously.

Sadly, I screwed up since I inadvertently downplayed his childhood with Almyra by implying he was raised in the Alliance. While he definitely picked up a few habits from the Alliance, he also got a lot of his habits of secrecy since he likely wasn't all that well-liked back home. I mean he did have allies, obviously. Nader served as his combat instructor and was willing to lend his forces when called upon. But it wasn't universal. As such, I apologize for muddling up his motivations and downplaying his heritage.

Speaking of Nader...

Which comes to a head in the war. When Edelgard declares war on the Church, Claude effectively decides to stay out of it. Mainly, he essentially locks the nobility of Leicester in a bit of a stalemate for 5 years to keep themselves out of the war. His long-term strategy is to get reinforcements from Almyra so they could effectively steamroll the Kingdom and Empire who bloodied themselves from all the fighting.

And his focus on relying on his Almyran reinforcements isn't even foolproof in of itself since...well, he's relying on foreign troops arriving in a country that hates their guts. Even if the war goes in his favor, that's a bit of a hill to climb.

Yeah. I really screwed up here. While it is true that Claude probably would've used the chaos created by the war in order to restructure Fodlan similar to Edelgard and probably wouldn't have wanted to get involved in the war right away, I was wrong about the nature of his reinforcements from Almyra. Again, in Verdant Wind, he called upon Nader in order to take the strategically important Fort Merceus in his campaign against the Empire. In Crimson Flower, he only called them when Edelgard invaded Leicester. There was no indication that he would use his forces to steamroll Fodlan in a colonialist matter, which I implied. He was fit to rely mostly on Alliance forces until the need demanded help from Almyra.

As a result, I misrepresented his character, and I apologize. While I'm still not a huge fan of Claude and don't think Verdant Wind is the best route for Fodlan (it ends with another leader backed by the Church in charge with Byleth...which is the same structure that led to this whole mess to begin with), I got his character wrong and made him worse for it. I...understand why people weren't happy with the first post and feel free to call me out on that. I promise to do more research in the future on the other routes if I make any more Three Houses posts.

[tarnishedxknight]

OC Muse: Soryn Vedrai

[Bio and other information below the cut!]

Type of Character & Fandom/Source Material: OC muse, Soryn (SOAR-in veh-DRY), from the FFXII fandom.

Full Name: Soryn Vedrai

FC: William Tyler

Alignment: Lawful Good with Neutral Good tendencies

Race: Hume (human)

Age: Anywhere from early to late 30s, usually, depending on verse. Early 40s for the Fortress verse. For context with some other FFXII characters, from the time of the prologue all the way through to the epilogue of the game, Soryn is between ages 30-33, Ashelia is 17-20, Basch is 34-37, and Vossler is 37-39 (only because he died before the end of the game, otherwise he would've reached 40, heh).

Gender: Male

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Heterosexual/hetero-romantic

Family: Parents (deceased); older brother (deceased); younger sister (deceased)

Occupation: Soldier; Knight of the Order of Dalmasca (verse-dependent); Judge Magister of the Archadian Empire (verse-dependent); Avenger (verse-dependent)

Potentially Triggering Material in Threads: war; PTSD; nightmares; violence; injury; death; manipulation; assassination; politics

Positive Personality Traits: He's kind, chivalrous, respectful, polite, helpful, brave, and hard-working. He's great with kids, has a great sense of humor, loves animals... Okay why is this sounding like a bad dating profile? XD

Negative Personality Traits: He is a bit emotionally closed-off sometimes, so he can unintentionally seem cold or distant. He can become quickly frustrated by people who refuse to help themselves and would rather wallow in their own self-pity. Hmm... I'm actually struggling to think of negative traits, he's a very decent guy, heh. I'll add more as I develop him, I guess.

BACKGROUND: (This is loooong, I know, heh, but I felt it was important to be as detailed as possible here. Soryn fills a very precarious social, political, and emotional role in the story. His existence has the potential to change canon completely in several ways, and so to make him realistic to the world and to integrate him as seamlessly as possible into the plot, I needed to really explain his mindset, the role he fills, and how he came to be in that position. Otherwise it just seems like I'm ramming him in there without any basis for him doing what he does or for the other characters to entertain the notion of working with him in any way. You don't have to read all of this if you don't want to, but it's here for anyone who wants to understand him a little better and to get a sense of the unique role he plays in the story. This also may change a little bit or become more detailed over time as I develop him, since he is a very new OC.)

Soryn grew up the middle child of the noble Dalmascan House of Vedrai. His father and grandfather were members of the Order of the Knights of Dalmasca, and Soryn followed in their footsteps. His older brother became a soldier as well, fighting with the Dalmascan chocobo-mounted cavalry. His younger sister, talented with minor magicks, was a potion crafter.

His childhood was a privileged one, to be sure. House Vedrai had more wealth than they knew what to do with, and anything he or his brother wanted to do was supported by their father. Unfortunately, the patriarchal nature of the Crown of Dalmasca trickled down into the noble Houses, and Soryn’s little sister was somewhat stifled and sheltered, prevented from following many of her dreams. Although she was permitted to work, it was heavily implied that her duty was to marry and have children. Unfortunately, she never got the chance.

Soryn lost his sister to the plague that ravaged Rabanastre. Despite their wealth and access to healing and potions, she chose to live among and take care of the poor in Lowtown when the plague spread out of control, and as a result, she fell ill and died, far removed from her family’s privilege that might have saved her. After her death, Soryn’s mother fell into a deep depression from which she never recovered. His father believed she died of a broken heart.

After losing his mother and sister, Soryn then lost his father and brother to war. His brother, already a soldier, fell in battle against Archadian forces, fighting alongside Nabradian soldiers. His father, who had been retired from knighthood due to age, felt compelled to come back out of retirement because the need for soldiers in Dalmasca was great. Unfortunately, his age played a role in his demise, and he was also struck down in battle. As the last surviving member of his House, Soryn still strove to uphold the code of morality, honor, and bravery that the Order stood for, as he'd been attempting to do since he first joined the military...

Soryn joined the Dalmascan military when he came of age at sixteen. He started out as a humble city guard in Rabanastre, and worked his way into the palace, joining the Royal Guard. He’d always had knighthood in his sights, not only because it was something of a legacy for Vedrai men to become knights, but also because he believed in the code and in conducting himself with honor and kindness. That’s the person he wanted to be, and with a mentor like Ser Coren Merek, the Knight Captain at the time, and friends like Basch, he had good examples to follow and live up to.

Soryn respected Ser Merek greatly, and when the old knight retired, Soryn then supported his appointed replacement, Basch. He had a great deal of respect for Basch as well, and the two became friends, but because Soryn spent far more of his time at the battlefronts, encampments, and forts of the war rather than in Rabanastre, he unfortunately didn’t have a lot of chances to interact much with Basch. Basch did regularly visit battlefronts and fight in pivotal battles, but he also had many duties at home in Dalmasca that kept him and Soryn apart. Nevertheless, Basch was Soryn's captain, and whenever the two men were around each other, they got along well.

To some extent, Knights of the Order went where their king, or at the very least, their captain, ordered them to. But they were given some freedom to request certain types of work over others. Soryn chose to remain at battlefronts and semi-permanent war encampments instead of remaining in Rabanastre because the city, as much as he loved it, came to remind him of all the family members he’d lost, and of a courtship when he was in his twenties that didn’t work out. He’d fallen in love with a woman who ultimately chose another over him, and he was very brokenhearted about that. So overall, Rabanstre became a bit of a painful place for him, so he preferred to be elsewhere.

Not that battlefronts were great places to be, but he had purpose and camaraderie there, and supporting younger soldiers and being that beacon of authority, hope, and morale for them was something that made him feel good. It was one thing for a battalion of soldiers to have a general with them or commanding officers, but the Knights of the Order carried with them a certain honor and positively-charged morale that uplifted the ranks. So Soryn didn’t mind being the one to charge out in front and gave the soldiers at his back that bit of courage they needed to push on with him. In fact, it was something he loved to be to them, because he knew how hard war can be, and how hard it could be to keep hope alive in battle.

As far as his fellow knights were concerned, Soryn… tolerated Vossler. Their fathers were not friends, by any means, but they were on good working terms. And Soryn’s father was well aware of how close Vossler’s father was to King Raminas. House Vedrai, while in good standing with the Crown, was not specially favored by it as was House Azelas. For this reason, House Vedrai attempted to maintain a good relationship with House Azelas so as not to earn the ire of the king. Having said that, Soryn thought Vossler made for an embarrassing and shameful knight. He thought he devalued the rest of the Order and the significance of the Code of Conduct by thinking himself better than the poor and middle class, treating and speaking of the poor disrespectfully, treating women with disrespect, and frequently running his mouth at Basch and others whom he ought to have respected as well. But Soryn was in no position to diplomatically comment on Vossler’s conduct, save for offering his opinion any time Ser Merek or Basch asked for it.

Soryn loved Dalmasca with all his heart, but he did see that it had problems. Their aging king was clinging to traditions and ideologies that were antiquated, misogynistic, and isolationist. Although not as bad on any of these points as the King of Nabradia, King Raminas was an immoveable icon of the past who refused to bend and resisted change to an unwise degree, Soryn thought. Nepotism, corruption, laziness, and conflicts of interest were also rampant among the ranks, from Raminas favoring Vossler as the son of his friend, to the aging war generals being happy to let men like Basch and Soryn do their work for them while they remained in Rabanastre and coddled the king, and finally Dalmasca being increasingly beholden to Nabradia’s rigid king due to Princess Ashe’s betrothal to Prince Rasler. The way in which both countries and kings were holding fast to ways of life that just didn’t work anymore, that ought to be left in the past, compounded the danger and political precariousness of their positions in the war between the Archadian and Rozarrian Empires.

With regard to his stance on the war, Soryn falls somewhere in between Vossler and Basch’s sentiments. Vossler, believing himself the only one who knew how to properly save Dalmasca from obliteration with nethicite, thought surrendering to Archadia was the answer. Not only would they not use nethicite to destroy Rabanastre as they have Landis and Nabudis in the past, but they would actively protect Dalmasca from hostile outside forces (like Rozarria, for example) because it would no longer be a sovereign kingdom, but a protectorate of the Archadian Empire.

Basch, however, believed that Dalmasca had a right to its sovereignty and that it is worth fighting for, but that such fighting needed to be done prudently and wisely. There was a threat from Vayne regarding the use of nethicite and danger of Dalmasca and the entire peninsula becoming a battleground for the two raging Archadian and Rozarrian Empires. Dalmasca should remain its own kingdom if it wants, but that should not be at the expense of innocent lives or done too hastily or foolishly.

Soryn’s beliefs lay in the middle of these two mindsets, and this is where his life takes a totally drastic and unexpected turn. He believes that sovereignty and autonomy for Dalmasca is possible, but the road will be long, tricky, and absolutely must include compromise and change. Surrendering to the Archadian Empire and to Vayne only puts a temporary bandage on an actively hemorrhaging wound, he feels. Continuing to ally with Nabradia only digs Dalmasca’s heels deeper into their own flawed traditions and culture which needs to be updated and brought into the future. Nabradia will keep Dalmasca stagnant and unchanging when it actually needs to evolve to survive. And continuing to fight for Dalmascan sovereignty while standing alone in the world is foolish for a small, geographically vulnerable kingdom that is completely outnumbered in military, outmatched in ground weaponry and strategy, and outcompeted in airship combat.

The key to Dalmasca’s future and survival, Soryn thought, would hinge upon its ability to negotiate and work with one of the warring empires. Remaining neutral and clinging to old traditions would be Dalmasca's undoing, and Nabradia’s king being killed and their capital being destroyed by nethicite was only confirmation of this in Soryn’s mind. Since Archadia was at Dalmasca’s borders already and Rozarria decidedly had far less of a foothold within the peninsula, especially after the fall of Nabradia, Soryn believed Dalmasca’s only chance was to negotiate with Archadia.

But it’s not as simple as all that. The Archadian government was not a monolith with a single mindset for how the war should procede. Emperor Gramis’ two eldest sons had already been executed for attempting to overthrow their father, and whispers had it that Vayne was poised to attempt the same. The split within House Solidor was clear, but so too was the in-fighting among the Judge Magisters, the Archadian equivalent (at least in military rank, if not real power) of the Order of the Knights of Dalmasca. Some of the Judge Magisters supported Vayne, some supported Emperor Gramis, and still others wanted to obtain the throne for themselves (via the supposed elections that actually chose Archadia’s emperors).

These factions threatened to destabilize the Empire and to result in Vayne becoming emperor himself someday, through nefarious means. If that happened, the power-hungry despot would certainly use nethicite more often. All of Ivalice could fall if that were permitted. So not only was Dalmasca’s future at stake, but all of Ivalice’s was as well, Soryn thought, if the Archadian Empire were to fall into chaos. The answer, then, was not only to negotiate with Archadia, but to negotiate specifically with those factions that opposed a continuance of the war and placing Vayne in power. That meant negotiating with Emperor Gramis and Judge Magisters like Gabranth and Drace who supported him and opposed Vayne.

Soryn had these ideas but lacked the power and opportunity to act on them. He also felt he ought to defer to his king on what should be done, not strike out alone. Knights served kings and queens, they did not rule. But when he was gravely wounded at the Battle of Nalbina Fortress (the very same in which the rest of the Order fell except for Basch and Vossler, and Prince Rasler fell as well), he was captured by Archadian forces and held in the dungeon imperial forces took over underneath the fortress. He was interrogated for information by Judge Magister Gabranth, and from there… everything changed.

The rest of Soryn’s timeline is very fluid because it breaks from canon entirely and may result in the changing of other major events in the game, such as Raminas’ assassination, Ashe going into hiding, Basch’s conviction and imprisonment, Gramis’ assassination, and Drace’s execution. So I’m going to leave it somewhat open as to which of those events and others might still happen or not based on the timing of rp threads and what their specific plots might be. Before this point, Soryn kindof fits into canon and can just be in the background of it all, easily added here and there. But after this point, he has the power to change many things.

(Side note: Soryn's interrogations had barely begun before the plan to assassinate King Raminas and frame Basch for it was already set into motion, although... there may be room for an AU in which Gabranth pushes back against Vayne on the plan because he's getting information from Soryn that could change the whole game, and if that point Vayne decides to go ahead with it himself, say with Vossler as the assassin instead, then that potentially changes Basch's fate. Also, Soryn would be more willing to work with Gabranth if he didn't, you know, murder his king, heh. But the details of this usually won't come up in threads, I don't think, and if they do and it matters, we can always discuss how things went down beforehand. There are just a lot of options here because of how Soryn has the potential to change a lot of things early on in the story.)

Over the course of interrogating Soryn, Gabranth comes to feel that he could potentially be a great asset to the empire. More so than Vossler, who increasingly was becoming unpredictable and self-serving in his actions (such as wanting Ashelia for himself, and shifting his allegiance from Vayne to Judge Ghis when it suited him). Although Gabranth thought that blind honor was foolish, Soryn’s honor was not blind. He wasn’t a white knight who stuck to his code even when it was foolish to do so. Although Soryn believes in honor, he also has a very realistic view of the world, and although he wanted Dalmsacan sovereignty, it was an unselfish desire and one that he was willing to approach intelligently and with compromise. Soryn’s Lawful alignment made it possible for real conversations to happen between him and Gabranth, and eventually between him and Emperor Gramis that resulted in an exchange of information and plans for advancement of both Dalmasca’s and Archadia’s mutual interests in stabilizing Ivalice and ending the war.

Over the course of two years, Soryn built mutual respect and trust with Emperor Gramis and Judge Magisters Gabranth and Drace. The information he was able to provide to them aided them greatly in not only protecting Dalmasca for their own interests, but heading Vayne off at several points in his own plans. Emperor Gramis eventually made the decision to name Soryn a Judge Magister, formally and publicly showing his trust in him, but also tipping the scales in his favor as far as how many Judge Magisters supported him over Vayne or their own personal interests.

There was little need for him to rise through the ranks to prove himself militarily, since he’d already done so as a knight. Although he had less power as a knight of a very small kingdom, his military skill both in strategy and fighting ability was undeniable. He was also skilled at both piloting and captaining airships of different types. All he needed was training regarding how to be an actual legal judge and how to run a Bureau. He was well-acquainted with Dalmascan law, however, and so handling legal matters pertaining to the small kingdom were not as much of a leap for him as they might have been for an Archadian. Because of all this, and the dire need for Dalmasca to be handled properly in the greater context of the war, Gramis decided that giving Soryn a position of power (albeit under close surveillance) was more beneficial than it was a liability. Judges Gabranth, Drace, and Zargabaath supported his appointment, while Ghis and Bergan thought it absolutely absurd and made their dissent known.

Nevertheless, despite dissent from the two Judge Magisters and Vayne as well, Soryn became Judge Magister Vedrai, and his Bureau, an additional fourteenth, was to be in charge of Dalmascan affairs. However, this was done with the understanding that, at least until the war could be definitively ended, Soryn would work closely with Gramis, Gabranth, and whoever else necessary regarding all major decisions involving Dalmasca. Dalmasca would be a protectorate of Archadia until such time as the war could be ended. Then, sovereignty would be considered provided certain stipulations were met by the throne of Dalmasca.

This decision to name him a Judge Magister did not happen overnight. It took nearly all of the two years between the prologue and Soryn's capture and the main events of the game for Soryn and Gramis/Gabranth to build trust with each other, and for there to be a mutually beneficial relationship decided upon. If Soryn was serious about working with the empire, then he would be willing to work for the empire, so Soryn's willingness to become a legitimate member of Archadian society and of the Imperial Army to see everything through to its end was a major sign of trust to Gramis. It showed that he was truly negotiating with Archadia in good faith that he would give up his knighthood in Dalmasca to fill a role that would ultimately change the kingdom and drive the direction of the war towards a more peaceful conclusion.

Soryn agreed to these terms, and for his part, he wanted assurance that Dalmasca’s throne and autonomy would be restored once the war was ended. Although it was too late to save King Raminas, he made it very clear that any plans involving the assassination of Princess Ashelia would not be supported by him in the slightest. In fact, if he found that such plans were in motion, he would no longer lend his support to the empire. Gramis agreed to Soryn’s terms, and a solid agreement was made between them.

An additional negotiation was that Soryn become consul of Dalmasca. Soryn knew this would put him at odds with Vayne, but the Archadians could and would not proceed with negotiations and protecting Dalmasca from Rozarria and even Vayne without assurance that someone they appointed would be in charge, and Gramis did not want Vayne to be that person. This was part of Soryn's duties, to balance the greater needs of the Archadian Empire and all of Ivalice with those of Dalmasca. Placing someone with interests in both the survival of the empire and Dalmasca in charge of the smaller kingdom ensured a better outcome than permitting it to remain Vayne's pet project.

When Ashelia resurfaces after being in hiding and thought dead, both she and Basch think Soryn has completely defected to Archadia, and Vossler sees him as a wrench in his own plans for what his own ambitions dictate. Gramis encourages Soryn to bargain with Ashe, and Soryn promises her the throne of Dalmasca if she agrees to some terms. She takes a while to come around to these negotiations, because she doesn't want Dalmasca to be a protectorate of Archadia, but Soryn tries to instill in her that this is necessary, at least for the time being.

Firstly, he argues, showing Archadia they are acting in good faith with the empire is of paramount importance to building trust. Second, it could derail some of Vayne's plans to have power over Dalmasca placed in Soryn's hands, and by proxy, Ashelia's. Thirdly, it would show Archadia and the rest of Ivalice that they are serious about wanting to stabilize Ivalice and end the war, and that peace for all is a goal to which the throne of Dalmasca subscribes. And lastly, under formal Archadian ownership, Dalmascan skies would be patrolled and protected from becoming a battleground. Dalmasca would be considered Archadian territory, and therefore Archadia would be less inclined to fight things out with Rozarrian in Dalmascan skies, because they would want to protect their own interests.

After hearing Soryn's surprisingly pragmatic, non-selfish, and peace-driven arguments, Basch encourages Ashelia to agree, but she's hesitant. She doesn't believe the "surrender" will truly be temporary or in Dalmasca's best interest. From here, the plot could go a number of ways depends on your muse and what path you want a thread to take. Ashelia could agree or not agree to work with Soryn or the Empire, and Larsa could get involved to help this process one way or another.

One thing Soryn would definitely do, though, is to pitch to Gramis that Ashelia be named heir to the Dalmascan throne. Soryn would push for Ashelia to eventually be fully recognized as Queen of Dalmasca. This is not only something he thinks should have been her birthright from the start, but it's part of moving Dalmasca into the future and beginning to change some of the traditions and laws that are holding the kingdom back. The sexism, the lack of female heirs and queens, and forbidding women to join the military are things Soryn things need to be eradicated/overturned if Dalmasca is going to survive as a healthy kingdom. In doing that, they ensure that a sustained and beneficial relationship between Dalmasca and the Archadian Empire could be achieved following the end of the war.

Fun Facts & Other Notes:

Obviously Soryn has the potential to change much of canon with the path his life takes, but all of these changes don't necessarily need to occur or have already occurred in threads. He could start along this path but not succeed. He could become a Judge Magister but be hampered by those who oppose him. Or maybe he stays imprisoned longer if his interrogation doesn't go well or Gabranth isn't impressed enough to bring the matter to Gramis. So the path he takes through canon can be malleable in rp threads to some extent. My goal with him is to explore these different options and possibilities that a character with his mindset brings to the story, so I am definitely up for AUs of all kinds!

The middle picture in the header of a rather elaborate suit of armor is the closest example to what I'd like his Judge Magister's armor to look like. Each Judge Magister's armor is unique and somehow personal to them in style and/or design. Being Dalmascan by blood and with his Bureau dealing with Dalmascan political matters, Soryn's armor reflects that he was once a knight of a desert kingdom. It has gold trim and accents and there are design elements of the helm, spaulders, and arms that look like radiating sun rays. I'm not sure the design in that picture is the exact one I want, but it's the best inspiration I have at the moment.

Soryn is actually a very sensitive person, but that isn't always apparent. He can come across as aloof, but this is a consequence of the compartmentalization he's had to engage in, separating his personal life from that of a soldier. He's very good at setting aside emotions for later, pushing through things like pain, fear, and panic, and being supportive of others even when he himself is not okay. But that means he then sometimes has trouble tapping into and fully engaging with his own emotions because he's so used to shelving them for later. Sometimes later never comes and he just keeps bottling, which isn't always healthy.

Having said that, Soryn's mental health is probably among the best of all my muses on this blog, heh. He's... a pretty solid guy. I'm not saying he's never been traumatized by anything, certainly being a soldier for as long as he has doesn't come without its mental scars, but he's never been tortured, abused, oppressed, etc. like some other characters on this blog have been. Even when he is imprisoned, because he was far more cooperative than Basch, he was not held for nearly as long.

The biggest and most notable thing he wrestles with is PTSD, and for a very specific reason. Soryn was present at the fall of Nabudis, the capital of Nabradia that was obliterated by nethicite. So he saw firsthand the devastation and suffering and just total chaos of what a catastrophic detonation of the power contained within a piece of nethicite can inflict on a city and population. It really both terrified and upset him. After that, there was a marked reduction in morale among both Nabradian and Dalmascan forces that hit him hard, because it felt to them like they were up against impossible odds and clearly losing. Soryn had some heart-to-heart conversations with Basch about it in the days to follow, with Basch bringing his own experiences from Landis and Soryn discussing what he'd seen in Nabudis.

It was the above experience that became the crux of Soryn's motivation to unify Ivalice and end the war for everyone, not only Dalmasca. Seeing how quickly the use of nethicite can escalate, especially when in the wrong hands or ordered by power-hungry despots, changed him as a person forever.

Potential Starter Ideas:

During the "prologue" part of the timeline, Soryn is a Knight of Dalmasca, so your muse could meet him in Rabanastre, the royal palace, or out at a battlefront. Maybe your muse lives in Rabanstre, or maybe they would be helping the war effort at an encampment near a battlefront.

Between the prologue and the main game, Soryn will be wounded at the Battle of Nalbina Fortress and captured by Archadia. Maybe your muse helped capture him, or they're in the dungeon with him, Maybe they visit him in prison, curious about him. Maybe they help him escape, or put in a good word about him to Emperor Gramis or the Judge Magisters.

During the events of the main game, Soryn can be pretty much anywhere on the Ivalician map, doing anything, as a Judge Magister of Archadia. So depending on who your muse is, things are wide open as to where they could meet him and why. I'm open to plotting in messages to help figure some things out before we start.

During the "epilogue" portion of the game, Soryn could be helping Basch to fill Gabranth's shoes in Archadia, or maybe Basch went back to Dalmasca with Ashelia in this AU, and it's Soryn who stays with Larsa to make sure he's protected. Regardless, if you muse lives in Archadia, especially within the palace, they could interact with him there. OR... Basch could stay in Archadia to impersonate Gabranth and Soryn could be the one to return to Dalmasca and assist Ashelia. Your muse could go with him from Archadia to help further, or if they already live in Dalmasca, could encounter him there.

He'll have an MCU verse, so... you guys are familiar with that by now, heh. Same deal, either a magical mishap or a mischievous Occuria brought him to present day. He would be cleared for field work fairly quickly, so he'd be going on missions and all that.

[feyriejane]

"Oh, please!" I exclaim, laughing. "We both know I'm the dominant one in this relationship." He scoffs at this assertion, his good nature taking the joke without offense. "Maybe not sexually, but with everything else."

"Yeah, well, you like it that way. You like to be in control." He says, thinking he's revealing a truth about myself that I don't even know. There's a smug grin in his voice that tells me that I can't lie to him.

...

Something about this comment makes me stop in my tracks. It feels wrong, like he's speaking about someone else. Some other powerhouse of a woman who demands what she wants and needs and doesn't settle for any less. He makes a joke, but I don't hear it. Something about how I'm spoiled and insist on having everything go my way. If I had heard this wasp of a comment, maybe I would've been stung by it.

If he is wrong, who can blame him? After all, I've spent my whole life building my identity around being bossy, assertive, organized. I'm the one who has it all together. I'm the one who keeps the ship running. I'm the one who delegates responsibility and picks up whatever slack there is.

In some ways, I can't help it. I was a third parent to three little boys my whole childhood. More often, I was the second or even first parent. To this day, I am the first person my baby brothers call when they need help, not our actual parents. All four of us were let down by the very first people we were supposed to be able to trust and I was the one who picked up all of the pieces.

But do I like being this way? I used to think so. I used to take pride in it. There used to be a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment that came with saying "Don't worry, I've got it!" And for a while, I really did have it!

Until I didn't.

Our grandmother died and my baby brothers, now practically men, called me crying and asking for support. I lifted them up and took care of them and held them while they cried and cracked jokes when they didn't want to cry. My dad lectured me extensively about how much those boys need me. I should be available to them, regardless of distance or time.

I felt myself start to splinter and crack. The very foundations of who I am threatened to crumble. I was hurting and my hurt was so obviously last on anyone's list of priorities, even my own. My dad tells me all the time about how he doesn't worry about me. How he knows I have a good head on my shoulders. How he sees what a survivor I am.

The truth is, I have been unraveling ever since. It has been nearly ten months and I've spent that whole time not only grieving the loss of a dear family member, but fighting tooth and nail to learn how to prioritize myself without neglecting the people that rely on me.

I come back to what he said about me. "You like to be in control." I come back to the question in my head. "Do I like being in control?"

...

"You okay?" He asks, concerned. I have been silent for a long time.

...

I don't like being in control. In fact, I think I hate it. What was once a source of pride for me has become my shackles, dragging me down to the earth, to everything I am, to everything I wish I wasn't. I am desperate to someone to release me, to let me collapse into their arms, to carry me gently to a warm spot where I can rest and recover.

But how do I even begin to share this with anyone? How do I tell him that I wish he would take over the management of our relationship? How do you tell someone that you need them to make the plans and anticipate your needs? Is that even a fair thing to ask for? More than that, how do I let myself give the control to someone else when I'm not confident that they can handle it like I do?

How do you let yourself trust the people you love?

...

"I'm sorry for calling you spoiled. That was probably a little too far." He says, trying to make a guess at the reason behind my silence. Here is a man who isn't perfect, but is trying. He worries about me and all of the things I don't tell him. I don't tell him a lot and I think he knows. If there's anyone who I can talk to about this, it should be him.

"Actually," I start, my heart pounding in my chest. I know this is important. I know this is a step in the right direction. I know this is where I heal my wounds. All it takes is a few words, a conversation, an admittance of the truth.

"I don’t like being in control. I hate it."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I want to talk about that now if that's okay."

"I'm listening."

...

Just like that, my chains feel a little more manageable.

[anaalnathrakhs]

auuuurgh

i feel so fucking bad. i want to do things so badly but there's always the looming threat of my parents waking up eventually. they'll be awake and doing stuff when i wake up if i go to sleep. scheduling driving lessons feels so fucking complicated cuz they have to be like a month in advance at least. and i have no idea how i'll be in a month. and things might happen. and it feels scary to plan for the future. i miss sports so bad but everything feels so complicated. the bouldering gym costs money. i went and it was... okay but i started feeling like a goldfish going in circles after like one go. the bike pump is cooked bc we havent used it in many years (cuz we live up a FUCKING HILL i fucking hate you) and both my bike and my dad's are deflated as fuck. the municipal bike rental in my city costs money and it's not covered by the bus subscription. i don't have the roller skills for going down this MOTHERFUCKING HILL with them, nor navigate the MANY hills in my town. i got to swim a couple times recently and it just felt so small. i miss being a kid and actually having fun. enjoying the things i did. i can't do two miserable pullups without my brain screaming at me that my life is worthless and everything is boring and feed me a bottle of vodka and two months of restrictive behavior lest you'll never feel happiness again. school is difficult but rewarding and im doing my best. living with my parents is making me wish i could fucking poison their coffee in the morning. guess which has mandatory breaks and which im obligated to handle as soon as i come home, and on days off, and on holidays, and every fucking time they want to talk to me and do things with me. holy shit. i get it. you were sooooooo vewy sad uwu when i was more solitary, and now you're sooooooo glad i've finally learned to shut the fuck up (most of the time) and participate in your activities! awesome for you! then why do you fucking complain when the very real consequences of catering my life to please you poses you an inconvenience? holy shit i'm doing my best, i'm trying to be what you wanted because i KNOW i was a difficult child all my life and i don't want you to struggle any more than necessary now that i can do what you expect of me. are you not happy. sorry i can't be fucking perfect. sorry i'm so horrible and bitter-hearted that i can't enjoy normal things like family meals and spending time with you.

"our relationship isn't only problem-management" FOR YOU MAYBE IT ISNT. my entire fucking LIFE has been problem-management. why did you have a kid if you weren't prepared for it to struggle? why didn't you take half a look at dad's childhood, or my uncle's childhood, and understand that there was going to be some problem-management to do. i would've liked a little less being dragged to amusement park trips and out of the country vacations, and a little more help for my mental health. maybe it wasn't all problem-management to YOU because you halfassed a quick bandaid on it and then left me to manage it however i could. i know it's a very complicated situation with no breakage-free outcome, and i don't know if i would've done it better had i been in your shoes, but 1st of all THAT'S WHY I NEVER WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN AND IF I EVER THINK ABOUT IT YOU CAN KNOCK ME OUT AND TAKE THE GONADS AWAY, and 2nd of all i wish you would stop insisting i have no reason to not trust your help or ask you for help nowadays. not only you have repeatedly not helped or made it worse in the past, but you have kept doing that recently. which i understand, i am older and you do not owe me massive changes for something i can take actions on myself, but then obviously i'm not going to keep asking you for help with the same problem and asking for the same solutions. stop telling me i need to resolve it I KNOW IM WORKING ON IT. and yeah sorry i don't want to shift the whole blame of communication troubles on you, because god knows i suck at that, but you have to understand that "but you didn't say anything at the time :(" is not an argument. i was barely 13. i didn't voice an anxiety i had about something i hadn't tried yet. then i spent four days calling you on the phone begging you to help me out, the entire weekend from the second you came back for me friday evening to sunday before going to sleep begging you to not make me go back, and you still said "lol no you're not gonna give up this easily". and you tell me that, again, as if i was supposed to have said something earlier (when it was preemptive anxiety that could've ended up being unfounded) and then you'd have been all cool and dandy with it and not made me go?????? just admit i have reasonable reasons to not trust you to offer executive help on my problems it's alright i'm 18 you don't have any obligations anymore.

it's so fucked up i'm so fucked up. i havent been normal a single second of my life. i was kinda going beyond the need to be explicitely invited to everything, cuz i thought that it was kinda irrational of me and that most people would just tell me if i started going to far. but then i act weird anyway and my friends dont say anything at the time and then rib me about it later on, and i just have no fucking idea what i should and shouldn't do anymore. i dont want to put any pressure on my friends because we're all fucked up and full of irrational and raw maladapted behaviors, we're all mentally ill and not even fully young adults, and i want to do my best to extend the olive branch anytime i can, which they also often do for me, but then i don't know what to do, am i validating something that does more harm than good? how do i bring it up without hurting them and making everything worse? i don't know what people expect of me, i don't know what people want out of me, i don't know what i want out of people, i don't know what's good.

i've read that essay about hippie subcultures and drug culture, "mind openness" and ego death and how it could be reached without drugs and how straights who do LSD still won't get it. and i'm gonna be honest, i've never done hallucinogenics, i've never even experienced hallucinations, i don't want to make a faulty comparison, but a lot of it really resonated with what i felt when i was in permanent calories deficit. i felt depressed and anxious sometimes but also so often the world felt beautiful. peaceful. i could fucking sleep. i could enjoy the moment. fucking meditate even. i feel like i'm going mad. i want to go back so badly. god i remember when i started binging/eating a maintenance amount of cals again. it was so bad it felt so fucking painful to feel like nothing was enough AGAIN.

im tired i think im gonna manage going to sleep. every day i hope it's the day i can fall back into restrictive patterns again.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #124

Do you like pineapple on pizza? To be entirely fair, I don't think I've tried it, but considering I'm generally not a fan of sweet and savory combos, I'm doubtful I would enjoy it.

Do you like milk? I do, but only legitimate, mammalian milk. No oat, soy, etc. stuff; trust me, I've tried it because the dairy industry is actually fucking horrible and rooted in awful abuse & I want NOTHING to do with it, but I just don't like non-dairy alternatives, like in the way that I have to aggressively fight spewing it out - which I don't always succeed at. I just hate it. I am so, so sensitive to tastes I dislike.

Do you like syrup or powdered sugar on your french toast? Uh I guess a bit of both is ideal, but I could see me going for one or the other depending on my mood.

Do you put jelly or butter on your toast? I honestly don't really eat toast. But if I DO have it for whatever reason, I'm gonna want grape jam on it.

Do you like baking? Never done it. I really should learn, though... I just need to learn cooking in general.

What are you grandparents' names? Right now I only remember my mom's parents' tbh, which were Cecelia and William.

If any, how old are your siblings? Ashley is 29, Nicole JUST turned 25, Misty is 35, Katie is 39, and Bobby is... oh, he doesn't have his birth year on FB, so idk lmao, but younger than Katie. Full disclosure I looked up Misty's and Katie's too bc I'm awful and don't remember my half-siblings' birthdays/ages like a literal asshole <333333

What color is your dad's hair? So he was born blonde IF I remember his childhood pictures correctly, but it became totally black for the majority of his life. It's pretty much entirely gray by now, but you can see the hue kinda peppers in lightness in a sorta way where at least to me, you can tell his hair is supposed to be black, he's just old.

How old was your mom when she had you? FUCK my mom doesn't have her birth year on FB either, but I THINK it was 1961, so if that is the case she would've been 34. It's somewhere around there.

Do you live with any of your family members currently? Just my mom.

What is your favorite cousins name? I don't have a close relationship with any of my cousins, honestly.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom.

How long have you and your partner been together? It's been around a year and a half now.

Do you live together? Not currently, but I'm aware that when he has his own place again, he wants me to come with him. His mom is in a stable enough place and has been for a long enough time where he's comfortable leaving her with the house, but because of just how fucking CLINICALLY INSANE the housing market is right now, he just hasn't found a decent place that's priced even remotely reasonably. It's just financially intelligent to stay where he is until the market gets better or an incredible deal falls into his lap.

What is the first movie you watched together? As a couple? Technically, I think it'd be Coraline, which I know we watched once at my place the first time we tried dating in '17. Oh wait... or it mighta been the remake of It, which we watched in theaters.

How old are they? He's 29 and convinced he's basically on this deathbed age-wise lmao sir your life has JUST started

What are some things you enjoy doing? Primarily computer-related stuff, like watching videos or listening to music, socials activities, RPing, editing various things, playing WoW, doing surveys... but I also like to take photographs, read, draw, play video games (these days primarily with others), and I would absolutely adore going on nature walks and things of the like if I was in better shape (one day!!), and it wasn't hot. I also love learning about and watching animals.

What is your favorite color? Pastel pink is #1, followed by... many other pink shades, haha, like coral, rose gold, neon, fuchsia, etc. etc. I also like deep, regal reddish-purple colors, like maroon and burgundy, and lighter shades of purple, like lilac, orchid, and such.

What state are you from? North Carolina.

Have you ever adopted an animal? I'm assuming you don't mean truly "purchase" from a breeder or something, in which case, yes.

Have you ever taken in a stray? That's how our outdoor cat infestation from my childhood started, haha. I know my family (myself 100% included) has ZERO regrets over rescuing Chance, but yeah, it was a massive problem. Even after her, when we'd entered a phase of having no cats, we took in two kittens (Aphrodite and her sister whose name I just can't remember anymore) that were LITERALLY thrown out of a car in a plastic bag. Aphrodite started a fresh chain of having way too many cats, but not nearly as many as we had with Chance's family. They were still taken by animal control, though, because of wildly shitty neighbors that never communicated "hey they keep wandering into our yard, stop this or we're calling somebody." Coming home from school to every single one of them gone was one of the worst days of my fucking life (I was literally shrieking curses and sobbing on the porch), and I still grieve Aphrodite especially; I adored that cat. BUT ANYWAY, DO NOT keep your cats outdoors, and even when solely indoor pets, spay/neuter them, PLEASE.

What is an animal you are scared of? Whale sharks. It's funny, I like them, they're such peaceful animals, but their mouths just REALLY freak me out. I'd actually like to swim near one one day, maybe kill the fear.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Not a serious bite, no. Just a couple nips from nervous ones, the kinds that never even drew blood. My sister has been bitten by a German shepherd though on the hand; it belonged to her friend, and for some reason I don't remember, the dog just attacked her. She wound up needing stitches, and bless her friend, poor girl was sobbing because she felt so bad. It didn't affect Nicole's love for dogs though, and later in life she basically owned a German shepherd named Zeke. Maybe she sorta still does, idk; he was her ex-boyfriend's, and even after the split I know she's always been allowed to see him and I THINK bring him to her place occasionally? That dog is literally the child of divorced parents lmfao

Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Concept and aesthetic-wise, absolutely yes. I LIVE for the vibe, but as far as celebrating the holiday goes, it's not; I really don't do anything, pretty much ever. Christmas is definitely my fave celebratory-wise, because my family gets together and I just love seeing Ash's kids be so overjoyed about it all. It's just one of those days where you really, really focus on the love you have for the people you choose to spend your life with.

Do you like to watch scary movies during October? Meh, I'm just not a movie person, at least when it comes to watching them alone. I'd totally be done for like, watching them with Girt. Primarily because he hates horror/is a total pansy about it and it's hilarious lmfao

What are a couple of your favorite horror films? The original The Blair Witch Project is #1 (I like the sequel too), and I also totally adore The Crazies; maybe tied with the former mention, actually, idk. I thought The Boy was EXCELLENT, that's actually a movie I'd love to watch again. You can't go wrong with The Shining, either! The acting is just historical, plus I'm really into the concept of hysteria building off of what is technically nothing; I think that's also why I love The Blair Witch Project so much, at least the explanation behind it (collective hysteria, overreacting to certain things). The mind is SUCH a powerful thing.

What is your favorite Halloween treat/candy? Pumpkin-shaped Reese's, haha.

Do you often find yourself eating just because you’re bored? I used to be really bad at this, but not so much anymore. I'm not gonna say it NEVER happens, but I've gotten way better about reinforcing to myself "no, you're not hungry, you're bored."

Are you a sex addict? lmao if you know me at all, you know I'm definitely not.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend taken from you? No. She tried, but I know Juan didn't date her after a lie she made up DID make me say "you know what fuck this I'm done with this whole drama bye" and break up with him. The lie she'd told was very believable for him honestly, and even though I DID know it could be a lie, Rachel had caused enough stress for me already and I wasn't confident enough of how into Juan I was to put up with it. To this day, I consider that lie a saving grace. I know Juan's done bad things that I don't know about (it's specifically stuck with me to this day that his answer to me asking about a stab wound scar he had was "I deserved it"), and bad things I do know about. It says something when your teacher pulls you aside when she noticed him visiting me a lot in art class to tell me to stay away from him. I'm pretty sure she did this literally twice, but for certain once.

If so, what would you like to do to the person who took them from you? Even in the hypothetical of Juan getting back with Rachel after that incident, Rachel is actually my friend now and I think she's fantastic (people grow, I will not hold her past against her). I wish her zero harm at all, only good things.

Have you ever been cheated on? If so, have you forgiven them? No. To mention my last survey, I DO sometimes wonder if Jason and the girl he dated after me (Ashley) had something stirring before we even split, but in total honesty, I don't think so, I really don't. I don't think that's the kind of person Jason was. But it WAS definitely alarming just how quickly he was onto someone else after we split following dating super seriously for over three and a half years.

Quick! Tell me the name of your favorite movie. The Lion King and The Meerkats 2008 documentary. I forget to mention the latter a lot, because it's an obscure movie barely anyone you will ever meet probably even knows, but it is simply phenomenal.

Do you wear water bras? ... What the fuck is a water bra?

Have you ever sent an anon hate message, be honest now. Nope.

Would you let someone give you a golden shower for a million dollars? I had to look this up and hell fucking no.

Name a band that you think is beyond overrated: I don't care man, let people enjoy whatever art they want. I really don't even know who's "in" these days anyway.

Who is the last person you said goodbye to? My PT therapist for today. She was new for me and is already tied with one other woman for my favorite, haha.

Who can you not live without? Nobody. PLEASE, don't adopt this mentality. I know it's hard to, but think realistically: you, in all technicality, CAN live without any one person, and I think this is so important to remember for when one day, you do lose them in one way or another, and you have to continue living without them. I totally used to believe this when it came to Jason, and I know it played a massive role in the severity of the breakup aftermath, but look at who the hell is living just fine - even happily - without him now.

What’s your favorite sea creature? Giant whales like blue whales top the list, but I also deeply love sea turtles, sea lions, seahorses, jellyfish, and dolphins. Sharks are also very cool and VERY unfairly villainized!!

What’s your favorite acoustic song? The "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" one by Sleeping With Sirens, I think. That's been a high wedding song contendor for years now, lmao.

What’s your favorite riddle? Okay so this is really just because of context/plot; it's from God of War: Ragnarök, where Brok asks, "What gets bigger the more you take away from it?," and Mimir realizes the answer near the end: a hole. You'd have to play the game to understand and feel the sheer weight of it, which I HIGHLY recommend, the game is fucking brilliant, I cried SO much through it.

What do you think happens after we pass? I just don't know. I know I don't believe in some perfect paradise and a wicked hell for suiting people, but I DO believe we're still... there somehow, but definitely not with the level of sentience and awareness that we do while alive. I like to think that it's a peacefulness, a feeling of wholeness with the world.

^ Is it different from what you’d like to happen? I don't know, really. It's like, on the surface, the idea of a Heaven sounds fantastic, but... to live in nothing but flawless harmony for all conceivable eternity? That just doesn't sound ideal for me. And I ABSOLUTELY don't believe in/want a Hell-like realm to exist, because like I mentioned earlier, people change, grow, and are ALWAYS (well, I suppose almost always) deserving of the chance to redeem themselves. Eternal punishment so severe that our human minds can't even interpret it is just purely fucking diabolical to me, I want that for nobody.

How do you feel about people self-diagnosing themselves with disorders? Hear me out: it depends. In MOST CASES, I absolutely hate this, especially when the person acts like it is stone-hard fact while holding an unconvincing amount of evidence. However, there are plenty of people who just don't have access to doctors capable of properly diagnosing, and then there's also worth mentioning that you know you more than anybody else does. Just depends on a lot.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

(TW: Religion)

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Heads up! If the idea that people can receive messages from God goes against your personal beliefs or upsets you for any reason, it may be better to skip this letter. I do not want to make you uncomfortable and kindly ask you to show me the same courtesy.

Still here? Okay, then you can probably guess what today's letter is about. As a religious lgbt+ person, I feel like we so often focus on forgiveness, on "God doesn't hate you"... rather than on "God loves you". This is why I want to talk about the times I received a message from God. Each of these messages helped me feel a deep connection to God and made me feel truly loved. I want to share that love with you.

Two quick notes before we get to it:

1. I use He/Him pronouns for God because I feel the deepest connection when I think of Him as my father. But I genuinely believe that God is, in human terms, genderless and fine with any pronouns and that the "right" pronouns are whichever help you feel closer.

2. Mental illness can make it feel like your thoughts aren't yours. Spreading the idea that all thoughts that feel like that come directly from God would be irresponsible. Keep in mind that an almighty being has no reason to bully you: thoughts that feel terrifying or distressing or are violent in nature are not messages from God, even if they feel like they come from outside your head. God will not send you messages that put you in unsafe situations or cause panic attacks.

So, with that out of the way: The first time it happened was in my childhood but I want to focus on the times it happened as an adult here.

As you may know from earlier posts, I was severely depressed in my early twenties. For many years, I routinely cried myself to sleep. It was one of those nights. I was crying, feeling deeply miserable and worthless, and started to pray. When we say pray, we often imagine something structured and dignified, but it was really just me crying and desperately asking God why I am alive when my life clearly has no purpose... and suddenly a very gentle, soft voice replied "Because I wanted to love you". (To be precise, it was in German and used the term "lieb haben" which is the way you'd express love in a family, like a parent to a child). It gave me an indescribable feeling of warmth and safety and calm. I didn't feel scared or confused, it immediately made me stop crying.

It'd be a big lie if I told you this instantly cured my depression. Therapy and antidepressants and some life changes did. But it did have a big effect on me. Whenever those feelings of worthlessness took over, I remembered those words. My life doesn't need a purpose, God didn't create me to achieve anything. He made me to love me, and that's a pretty cool purpose in itself.

The second and third one are actually both lgbt+ related in some way:

I didn't know the term gender dysphoria back then but I had a bad dysphoria day. I took a bath and just sat there, staring at my naked body and bawling my eyes out. I didn't really "know" I was trans yet but I knew that it hurt to think of myself as a woman. I silently confessed and apologized to God, "I know you made me a woman but I wish you would've made me a man and I am so sorry to disrespect you like that"... and there again I heard that gentle voice, this time with a little laugh. "If only you knew how little I care about that."

When I write that down, it doesn't really reflect how soft and loving those words felt. I had been crying the second before and then started to laugh, too. Of course God wouldn't care about that! Those are human thoughts. He doesn't care if you are trans or cis, he loves you the way you are. It's silly to apologize for it. This knowledge ultimately helped me to explore my gender identity and come out to myself.

The third one is different as it wasn't a "I cried and prayed" situation. It was shortly after I came out as trans to the world and it was just a random, perfectly normal evening. I scrolled through social media and came across a post telling you to type "I know" and then let your phone's automatic text prediction finish the sentence. I tried it and unsurprisingly it was some nonsense sentence - I think my most often typed sentence at that time was "Will you come over to dinner today". so my phone predicted something like that. I put my phone away and went to sleep... only to wake up in the middle of the night to the voice telling me "Do it again, I want to tell you something". I did, while only half-awake, and this time the following sentence appeared: "I know that you are fighting with your head but you are a lovely man I know this I love you". I fell back asleep, feeling that same sense of safety and warmth and calm that I felt before.

Unlike the "come over to dinner" one, this wasn't close to any message I would often type. It doesn't really make sense that my phone would predict something like that - but it perfectly fit as a message of support from a loving parent. It felt like God was confirming that he believes in my gender identity and that he still loves me after my coming-out.

I hope this letter made you feel loved in some way as well!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Encounter

I got bored again and wrote this. Sorry that it's not DC related. I have another one in my draft, but I don't want to lose any followers cause of it. I'm sorry for some sad shit and my rants. I honestly have no where to rant but here.

It's Gravity Falls related, by the way. Sorry. As always to all of my stories, the reader is always Non-binary.

Word count: 2,051

Let's just say life isn't easy on you in the slightest. And neither is fate. From the abuse and neglect of your childhood, getting kicked out of home as a teenager, barely making it in high school, (considering you were one of the smartest students there, you didn't have the place and time to really make it, even from all the couch surfing you did and avoiding the cops tryin to find you cause your abusive parents miss you as their punching bag.) bein homeless to gettin caught in a Time War in the year ~207012 (pronounced "twenty snyevendy twelve").

It wasn't meant to happen when you ran into the weird, sweaty, stuttering, bald man, who happened to be a time traveler. Always time hopping and even managed to skip a few dimensions when you found out how to. Eventually, you accidentally broke the time device, causing it to keep you at the age of barely 21. Even worse when you don't look like an adult as much as you really look like a teenager.

That doesn't stop you from skipping dimensions, getting yourself into trouble with everythin and bein an outlaw in a lot of the dimensions you entered.

With the huge bounty over your head, it makes it more exciting for you; the adrenaline rush of possibly gettin caught, using your skills you've learned and getting stronger from it. You weren't just a Human; you're a powerful Sorcerer and nobody stands in your way, that's what makes the hunt for you so much more interestin.

You weren't the only one causing mayhem throughout the dimensions, you've heard the name of Ford Pines, but only in stories. Never have you ever thought of actually running into him after one of your chaotic plans took place.

He was also running from the same law, for an unrelated crime, not taking any acknowledgement of you when you both hit a dead end at the same time from two different ways.

“Over here!” You hissed at him, easily creating a hole in the wall to make an opening to another dimension.

He jumps into the hole with you, the hole immediately closes before the beings caught up with you both. Running out of breath, you two look at each other. In shock, as you were both huge outlaws throughout the dimensions.

“I've heard ‘bout you.. Thought you were just a ghost sorry.” He looks at you, as if seeing an actual ghost. You'd expect him to be in his late 30s, not well into his 50s. From all the things you heard, or sounded like what you've would've done or at least someone in they're 20s bein stupid.

But this man was tryin to survive. He's not doin this for fun. He's not enjoying the chase like you are.

“So have I, Stanford Pines. You've got quiet the bounty over your head, Friend.” You jab a finger at his chest. “You're a big deal in a lot of dimensions. Be lucky I helped with that.”

He scoffs at your comment, batting your hand away from him, “So are you, ‘Friend’.. Acting a fool for no reason, just like the child you are. Act your actual age.”

“Ouch, you're welcome.. Cocky aren't we? No need for the attitude. Don't know what your deal is, but I'm not the enemy. C'mon, at least we can try ta help each other.”

He looks at you, “‘Help each other’? Kid, you're not here for anyone but yourself and it shows from how little you care when you cause chaos. You'll only get in my way. I'm not goin to babysit you and save your stupid ass when you get into a mess you've created.”

You watch him turn on his heel, back to you as he walks away, “Thanks, I guess.”

“Tch. Whatever, old man. Not even knowin’ where you're at.” He was difficult to talk to, that's not wrong from what you heard. A man with a huge ego and a person who's just in it for the rush don't go

together. You may be ageless now, but that doesn't change how you can still be serious. It won't get in your way.

You two split paths without a word to each other, not caring where he goes or what he does. What a jerk he was. On a few points he was right; you do cause chaos. What can you say? You love the thrill, even if your age isn't 21 anymore.

You continued hoping dimensions over the next decade, still causing the chaos from before; but in actually saving other beings from bein sold out in auctions.

This one auction was different from the others, seeing Bill Cipher in the flesh as he sits in the high booth of the area. This'll be interesting.

Sneaking your way into the building, carefully watching what was goin on and the captives-

You couldn't believe your eyes. Stanford Pines himself was one of 'em. He finally got caught and is bein sold out. You wanted to help him. It's the right thing to do. Why should you help him when he'll just push you away and barely even thank you, like he did the last time? That's what you were gonna do; save the others and let him fend for himself, since he's so great at it.

He wasn't in his getup that he usually wore, instead he was shirtless and chained up in glowing blue chains that he can't seem to pick at on his neck, wrists and ankles. You expected him to have scars, but not THIS many on his body. You suppressed a laugh when he turned and you saw his neck tattoo. What a stupid little tattoo he got from that gang he was in.

Nonetheless, you weren't gonna save him. He's got it covered, Mr. Know-it-all. Nodding your head in agreement, you quietly and cautiously made your way to the captives, using a spell to unlock their chains, Ford watching you and seeing his restraints not off yet.

As you helped the last of the captives go safely into their own dimensions, the guards start walking back to where you're at, and you looked at Ford, watching him struggle with his restraints, as he didn't have anythin to actually pick the locks with.

You groan, running to help him until you saw the guards and quickly hid away, watching Ford be taken away into the auction area. “Fuck my life...”

“And for our first auction, the one you've all wanted, as he is wanted in more dimensions than you can count. A hard find and interesting Human, Stanford Pines.” The auctioneer greeted with a smile, you see Bill's eye widen up seeing Ford's face. This is not good. Not one bit. You suck in your breath, and ran down the hallway, jumping up on one of the guards, burning him in the process as you flip over him, kicking the second guard away from Ford, and ran to him. The whole crowd of auctioneers go wild what was happening, as they all immediately recognised you, moving down into the pit where you're in towards you two.

“What are you doin’ here? Are you insane?! They'll go for you too!” Ford yells as you free him from his restraints and grabbed him by his arm, pulling him back into the hallway where he was in the beginning.

“Just shut up an’ run, ya idiot!” You barked, making another portal in the wall and pushed him into it, following behind him and closing the hole again before being found.

You look at the older man, he's gotten older that's for sure, his grey hair actually coming in with a white stripe around his head to show that time had passed since you've both last encountered. Looking into your bag you carried and found a shirt he can at least wear and not feel humiliated, tossing it to him.

He looks back at you when he caught the shirt, seeing as you haven't changed a bit, but only your attire and sporting more scars than before from past fights, “I see you haven't changed.”

You scoff, he hasn't changed a bit, “You're welcome..”

“What you did was stupid. And now there's more looking. I could've-”

“You could've what? Try ta pick your chains with what? The little instrument you were usin’ that didn't work? Get real, Stanford. You were fucked an’ I helped you. Just, for once, swallow your damn pride an’ ego an’ realise there's people who'll help you if you give ‘em a chance, instead of throwin’ it all away and actin’ like the know-it-all, lonely hero.” You threw his clothes you've managed to grab from your bag, looking at him in annoyance. He needed to get knocked off his high horse for once. It is hard in the dimensions, but it's also great to get the help once in awhile. To know you're not truly alone.

Seeing him actually speechless as he puts the rest of his clothes back on, placing his goggles on his head, “Thanks.. I appreciate what you did. But now you're as big as a target than I am. What you did was still stupid. Are you hurt?”

You shrug it off, “I don't care if I'm a target. I've been doin’ this for a decade instead of my chaotic bullshit.. Ta lay low, y'know? An’ no, I'm not hurt.”

Seeing Bill Cipher at the auction was fearful, as he is one of the most strongest. You've heard stories and don't want no part of it. The posters you seen of Ford and to give to Bill made it more dangerous for him now, since everybody will be looking for him.

“Hey. I've been meanin’ ta ask ya.” You looked at him shooting his head up at you from tying his laces on his boots up, “What's with Bill Cipher wantin’ ya? All the posters say ta give ya ta him.”

He sighs, sitting down on the ground, putting his hands on his head, you could see all twelve of his fingers. So the rumours are true. “Almost thirty years ago, I made a deal with him. To build a portal for him in exchange for knowledge and truths of the secrets of the area I was in. An old friend of mine and I built the portal and an accident happened to my friend, causing him to quit the project. He saw the nightmare realm. I should've listened to him. But I didn't and ended up here, hopping dimensions and wanted in so many of ‘em for the next thirty years.”

That answers the question. He's been in this realm for thirty years. Still with fight in him. “I'm sorry ‘bout that, mate. You've been at it for years. Gettin so far in this hellhole. You're not alone on this.” You smiled at him, wanting to give a chance of actually helping someone.

“I don't know, Kid.. It's just-” He stood up seeing a spark appearing in the air, getting closer to inspect it, holding his arm out to you to keep at a distance.

You realised what was goin on, standing back as the spark comes back a few times, and opened up a portal to somewhere.

“What the Hell?” Ford looks closer and sees it clearer, “It's a portal..”

“To where?” You looked at him, just as confused as he is.

“Somewhere.. We need to take it. I have a feelin’ on this..”

“What??? We don't know where it goes! At least when I do this, I know where I'm at!” You argued, that dimension could lead you to another dimension of unimaginable horror or worse. The portal starts to close up.

“I'm goin in! With or without you!” He yells back, putting his goggles back over his eyes, his scarf over his neck and mouth and his hood over his head before jumping in and disappearing into the mystery portal.

You cursed at yourself, running after him before it closed in on you, seeing Ford walking out calmly as you jumped out and behind a huge fallen chunk of rock to hide what was happening, only to hear voices on the other side.

“What...? Who is that?”

“The author of the journals... My brother.”

[idjitlili]

Oh no, all the hobbits Aragorn.

Aragorn x reader.

Request for Thatfoolishhuman 'I would love an Aragorn imagine! Could you do one where the Mc is a healer (like, she can make wounds disappear with her hands.) and she patches Aragorn up after a battle and he falls in love with how gentle she is.'

Summary: Imagine being apart of the fellowship, being Gandalf's niece , you learn some stuff from him whether he liked it or not. Basically following the fellowship in secret from Rivendell, until you slipped up.

A/n: Arwen and Aragorn aren't together in this imagine, he still grew up with Elrond. A pitch is a piggyback ride it's the original name for it. Totally didn’t make a meme for this

Word count:2253

Warnings: I'm British, so spelling for certain words differs, such as grey, colour, among other words, don't be mad please.

Growing up around a wizard, especially Gandalf the grey, you learnt a lot. He just left books laying around, books full of spells. Of course Gandalf wasn't really related to you, but he might as well have been. Your parents travelled a lot, so you ended up being around Gandalf most of your childhood.

Gandalf had taught you some basic spells, nothing major, healing spells mostly, children are clumsy. It was no secret your parents didn't like you running through the forests, saying it was too dangerous , general protectiveness, you guess. Many times they proved that they were right, many times you had fallen into traps left for animals. You would've probably bled out, if it wasn't for Gandalf.

Still living with your parents, no longer a child, not knowing what you wanted to do, you parents wanted you to go work in the local bakery, not wanting you to travel around like they did, dangerous times with black riders frequently on the road and such. But of course you didn't want a simple life.

Again your parents had left on business, this time you didn't go to Gandalf's house, you had maybe listened in, when going to visit Frodo , only to see Samwise Gamgee listening under the window. You know how it goes, Gandalf caught him, not you.

You ended up following Frodo, Sam , Merry and Pippin. Life is boring, might as well take a risk, you longed for adventure, like the mister Bilbo. 

Surprisingly the elves had not even noticed you at Rivendell, actually not surprising Gandalf had brought you there many times, so they probably thought you were with him. You had waited in the trees outside Rivendell's gates, for them. 

You hadn't know what was actually going on , or whether there would actually be a quest, but to your lucky there was. Not really lucky for Boromir though... soon enough Frodo and Gandalf had emerged along with 7 others.

You weren't noticed for a long time considering, Frodo's fault completely, when Frodo had fallen down the mountain in the snow, you had been hiding not so great in the snow, and of course Frodo landed facing you. While Aragorn had rushed back to Frodo, Frodo's face was laced with confusion as he stared at you.

"Y/n...?" Frodo had stood up, not realising he had dropped the ring, you rising with your backpack and coat one, with the snow littering your hair.  Aragorn had just stared too moving towards Frodo, carefully, the others travelling down to see what was going on.

"Oh, Frodo!  What are you doing here? I was just out to get some milk for my dinner." Standing calf deep in snow, freezing, yet your facing burning with embarrassment.

"I was wondering when you'd reveal yourself." Gandalf chuckling , of course he knew you were there, but what you didn't know was that Gollum had been not even three feet away from you..  Gandalf had turned back grabbing the ring from Boromir and launching it at Frodo, like he was Michael Jordan.

"Gandalf who is this?" Gimli of all of the fellowship had questioned you, he wasn't afraid to speak his mind.

"Y/n is my niece , now come along we don't have all day."

Thus, you were no longer a stalker , but part of the fellowship. Time had passed and you had lost your uncle, but it didn't feel right, you couldn't process his death, so you pretended he just slipped on some bread and was at home resting.

Soon enough you were all heading for Lothlórien, without realising it, you had stayed close to Legolas at this moment, mostly to bug him.

"If elves are so great, then how didn't you notice me? For all you know I could've been watching you pee, I wasn't but I could've been.  While you was sleeping I could've chopped your hair off and made a wig. Why do you look like your are apart of a dance routine? Why do you float? How does it feel to have a dick for a father?" Rambling on , you are surprised that Legolas doesn't whoop you, he could've, you wouldn't have been able to do much, you aren't the best person at defence.

You couldn't tell if you was annoying Legolas or not, but Gimli had kept smirking your way, as he stomped through the forest.

"Hey, Legolas? "

"Yes, y/n?" Legolas had sighed , he much preferred Gimli antics.

"Can I have a pitch?" But he had just stared at you, frowning, huffing you had walking around Legolas so you was next to Aragorn. Only for your ankle to roll, making you fall into Aragorn, it didn't necessarily hurt but. Aragorn had grabbed you and placed you back onto your feet.

"Um, Aragorn? You know you much better that Legolas..? Can I have a pitch?" You were undoubtedly attracted Aragorn, come on, he looks like a God. Fuck Thor. He didn't even answer just knelt down, allowing you to grip around his neck, and grab your calf's. Carrying on walking with ease.

Raising your eyebrows and smirking at Legolas behind you, he just never showed any emotion, except in that scene with Haldir , where he just smirks creepily in the background.

You weren't particularly close to anyone in the fellowship other than Frodo and Sam. But when Boromir died, yes it was sad, but where did the hobbits go? You had stayed close to Aragorn as he fought down the Uruk-hai as you hid in a tree. Before lifting you down, rushing to dying Boromir.

"They took the little ones,"

"Be still."

"Frodo! Where is Frodo?"

"I let Frodo go."

"Then you did what I could not. I tried to take the Ring from him."

Kneeling next to Boromir, "The hobbits Aragorn, but we shall get them back." Boromir was too far gone to be saved, the wrong brother died sadly. Boromir eyes had met yours once more , as he smiled , before he finished his speech to his king.

After Boromir was sent home, the fellowship was down to just four, rushing after Merry and Pippin.  "We must hurry! The hobbits Aragorn!" Five minutes of running , and you were already getting a stitch.  This was no time for jokes.

Soon enough Gandalf was alive, and Aragorn was dead, as Théoden had lead you all to helms deep. You had seen Eowyn, oh how heartbroken she was after she found out Aragorn was dead, that bitch knew him for what five minutes, she was already grinding up on him.

You were witch, she was a princess, obviously Aragorn was going to prefer her. Soon enough Aragorn practically marching into helms deep, injured but alive , what's with all the faked deaths.

After Aragorn had done his big speech and everyone had left to get ready for war, you had stayed behind obviously, you didn't want to confront him in front of everyone. "Uh, Aragorn?" You were unsure of yourself, honestly, you can't have a crush on a king. You swear kings have bad hair, lucky Aragorn didn't , look at the British royal family.. now that's embarrassing.

Aragorn had turned Aragorn to face you, waiting for you to speak, he definitely didn't fall from heaven, the Valar decided to test him by shoving him off a cliff.

"Um, I was wondering if I c-could help with those wounds, um, I didn't know if you needed help?" You were sure that your face was probably flushed red, it would be surprising if he could even understand you , as you stumbled over your own words.

Aragorn had nodded , before sitting down near by.  Grabbing the king foil out of your bag , along with other healing herbs, Aragorn had removed his jacket and undone some of the buttons on his tunic. Bringing a stool in front of Aragorn for you to sit.  You weren't about to chew up the kings foil,  tearing it up before trying to gently apply it to the huge gash across his chest.

A small groan had emerged from his lips as you had placed a piece kings foil to the gash too harshly. "Sorry." Looking into Aragorn's bright eyes , for a spilt second before going back to gently placing the kings foil. Aragorn stops you , by grabbing your wrist , not with force, making you look back up at him.

"Do not be sorry, I just fell off a cliff, I've been through worse." A smile reassuring smile plant on his face, but you can only think what is worse than falling off a cliff.

"Okay, sorry, I mean I'm not sorry, you are very intelligent or a king, there's warg! Let's go fight our enemy on the edge of a cliff. Um, actually that's embarrassing because I fell down a well because a owl scared me, I was stuck down there for hours, and then Gandalf found me and used a bucket to get me out. I had to sit in the bucket while he pulled it up."

Aragorn had let go of your wrist , allowing you to continue as you spoke, "you have not changed."

"Pardon?" Aragorn was smiling down at you as your eyebrows scrunched together.

" Last week I saw leaf , hit you in the back of your neck, you jumped three feet in the air." Your face flushed again, as you tried to contain a smile, as Aragorn laughed at you.

"I did not, that was not a leaf, it was a snake!"

"A green round snake, I believe you , y/n" you had stopped applying the kings foil, to put your head between your nerves , to hide your face in embarrassment . "It was a deformed snake."

"Last month, you skidded in mud and fell flat on your back, when Legolas put his hand on your shoulder briefly. Or when you kicked Boromir's cock when he was try-" sitting back up to look at Aragorn.

"You are right, next time it will be you that I will kick." Aragorn could not have shut his legs quicker, making you laugh at him, "I'll have to start wearing a shield."

"Never know when I'll strike, your balls are going to be deformed." Aragorn had gasped at you, as you brought your hand other his wound beginning to heal him as you chanted quietly.

"Such foul language, Gandalf would not approve." Looking up to Aragorn with a small smile, placing your other hand on his shoulder softly, to stop him from moving.  Really the healing didn't take very long, the cut left a blood stain though.  "Stay there," (or you get unprofessional neutering.) Grabbing the water pouch from your bag, and piece of cloth.

Before returning to sit in front of Aragorn with the damp cloth, wiping off the dried blood gently.  You couldn't help but feel like you had done something good today, you got to heal ,clean an very attractive man stopping his wound from getting infected and him dying. 

Plus,he's Aragorn, who wouldn't want to touch his chest.   As you finished, you had look down for your pouch, only to see how blood his hands were. Lifting his hand up to examine it, no way you were a doctor. " How have you not gotten infection? All that Orc blood going into your open wounds." Again having to heal all the  little cuts and slices on his hands.

It was no secret to Aragorn that he had developed a like for you, from the moment Frodo saw you sticking out in the snow like a mole heap.

“Tis the best you are going to be, after this battle you will covered again. Legolas probably glide through here, any minute asking where his beloved is.” Both of you standing up, grabbing your bag, you had leant up to press a kiss to Aragorns cheek, before turning away to head to where the woman and children were, Gandalf’s orders.

Aragorn had stopped you again, by the shoulder, causing you to turn back around. “Y/n, thank you. May I ask for something else?” Aragorns eyes looking into your e/c ones

softly, you had nodded. “Would you accept me courtship?” You had just pressed your lips slow onto his before pulling away.

The door was quickly opened “ARAGORN!” Legolas glided into the room, rushing towards you and Aragorn. Sighing “your beloved is here,” Legolas was stood between both of you, you had to walk around him, to wrap your arms around Aragorn,briefly embracing, before pulling away.

Legolas just stared, “I’m not hugging you too, leg a less, that’s what your name would be if you had no legs, because your legs aragorn”