#write down the number of hits before they post a chapter

[mpileons]

behind the goal posts | alexia putellas x reader

> chapter two

A/N: this is the first fic ive written in a while so bare w/ me as i get back into the motion of writing :) also construction criticism & suggestions are always welcome <3

+ this going to be a multi chapter story, please patient w me and ill try to make it worth your while :,)

—

Summary: Everyone knows Alexia Putellas. Star football player and the face of Barcelona. However, what they don’t know is that she is been in a secret relationship for years, and that relationship is slowly slipping out of her hands.

Word Count: 1.9K

Chapter 1

A Year Ago —

It all started on a regular Wednesday, I was getting ready for my morning shift at Lever & Bloom. It was all very normal, I woke up extremely late as per usual, and had to rush out of my apartment complex without doing my hair or my makeup which was once again, per usual.

As 10am hit, I was getting into the motion of making drinks and chatting with customers. Although being a barista is quite a mundane job, I thoroughly enjoy every part of it, especially talking with the regulars and forming those relationships that never fail to bring a smile to my face. As I went to take my break, I saw a distinct blonde head of hair enter the cafe premises. Everytime she enters the cafe (which is very often) my intrigue seems to rise more and more. She seems to always come in at 11 on the dot, every weekday. Not that I’m keeping track or anything. Definitely not. Conveniently, as she goes to the counter I decide to save my break for later. Definitely not anything to do with her.

"One large ic-" The tall blonde starts to speak, but I'm quick to interrupt her. "A large iced americano with an extra shot of espresso, I know, it's coming right up," I say, a small smile creeping onto my face. I turn to see the same expression reflected on her face, a shared moment of understanding passing between us.

For some reason, I feel an impulse I can't ignore. With nervous yet hopeful determination, I grab a napkin and hastily scrawl down my number along with her order. With trembling hands, I slide the napkin across the counter, our fingers brushing for a fleeting moment, sending a jolt of electricity through me.

"Thanks," she murmurs, her voice soft and tinged with warmth as she takes the napkin. I watch her as she takes a seat by the window, her eyes fixed on her phone as she waits for her drink.

My heart starts to pound in my chest, anticipation mingling with apprehension. What if she doesn't text? What if I completely misread everything?

I push all the thoughts out of my head as I prepare her iced americano, my hands tremble slightly, betraying the calm facade I try to maintain around her. When it's ready, I take a deep breath and walk over to her table, setting the drink down with a shaky hand.

"Here you go," I say, my voice barely above a whisper, hoping she can't hear the rapid thumping of my heart that I'm sure is about to explode.

"Thanks again," she replies, flashing me a dazzling smile that sets my heart aflutter. And then, to my surprise and delight, she adds, "By the way, I'm Alexia."

The sound of her name sends a shiver down my spine, and I can't help but return the gesture. "Nice to meet you, Alexia. I'm Y/N," I say, hoping she can't hear the increasingly rapid thumping of my heart.

We exchange a few more words before I have to return to my duties behind the counter, but her presence lingers in my mind long after she leaves. And as the days turn into weeks and then months, we start to form somewhat of a routine that consists of Alexia coming to get coffee every weekday morning, some light-hearted flirting, then I constantly think about her until I see her the next day.

Present Day –

The soft chime of the café's door announces Alexia's arrival, as it does every weekday morning. My heart skips a beat at the sight of her, as it usually does, alongside a familiar pang of longing mixed with resentment tightening in my chest. I watch as Alexia approaches the counter, a radiant smile gracing her lips.

"Hey, Y/N," Alexia greets, her voice warm and inviting.

"Hey," my tone lacking its usual warmth. I start to busy myself with preparing Alexia's usual order, my movements stiff and mechanical. Whether Alexia is paying attention to these details or not is completely lost on me.

As I hand Alexia the cup, our fingers almost touch but Alexia pulls away quickly, further spiralling my conflicting emotions.

"Thanks," Alexia says with a tight smile.

I somehow manage to force a smile in return, but it feels hollow, fake. As Alexia takes her usual seat by the window, her attention is focused on her phone. The sight stirs a flicker of jealousy within me, a bitter unwanted reminder of the countless admirers vying for Alexia's attention.

The minutes tick by, each one stretching out into what seems like an eternity as I try to manage my emotions. I want to reach out to Alexia, to tell her how I am truly feeling, but the words stay stuck in my throat, still suffocated by the weight of the secret I have no choice but to keep.

As Alexia finishes her drink and prepares to leave, my resolve quickly crumbles. "Alexia, wait," I blurted out, cringing at how my voice is tinged with obvious desperation.

Alexia turns to me, concern flashing in her eyes. "Is everything okay babe?"

I start to hesitate, my heart pounding like an alarm in my chest. I try to open my mouth to speak, but the words elude me.

"Never mind," I murmur, forcing a weak smile. "Just... take care, okay?"

Alexia's brow furrows in confusion, but she nods, concern etched into her features. "You too, Y/N."

As Alexia leaves the café, I am left alone with my thoughts, the weight of secrecy pressing down on me like a suffocating blanket. I begin to wonder how much longer I can keep up the charade, how much longer I can pretend that everything is okay when it's anything but.

I return back to the counter with my heart pounding like a drum inside my chest and my thoughts racing. As the day drags on and my return back to Alexia and I’s shared apartment is approaching, I know something has to change. The weight of secrecy was slowly crushing me and if this goes on any longer, I do not know how much there will be left of our relationship to salvage, or if there will be anything left to salvage. Whether I had the courage to confront this and risk the comfort we had built is another story.

10 Months Ago —

My phone flashes with a message as I am sitting at my desk pouring over textbooks.

Alexia: Be ready at 6, dress comfortably.

As I went to respond, I couldn't hide the bright grin growing on my face. Ever since that day two months ago, Alexia and I had been texting nonstop, talking about anything, everything and all that's in between. I couldn't help but feel as if the universe had dropped a gift into my lap. Alexia was unbelievably attentive and rather charming, further adding to my ever growing feelings for her. As we kept talking nonstop, we found that we were completely different. She's a professional footballer, I do not know a singular thing about football. I study film with a minor in astronomy, she is not very well versed in either of those. However, we are similar in every aspect that matters. Although I couldn't shake the feeling that this was all too good to be true, she is undeniably attractive, charming, funny, the list goes on and on. Why would she settle for an overworked university student with a mundane part time job?

I push all those thoughts away for later as I start to get ready, considering this will be our first date, if it even is a date. I needed to be prepared, but not too prepared.

Hours pass and I am now in Alexia's car as music softly plays from the console and her hand is lightly resting on my thigh, as if it was always meant to be there.

“Pretty pleasee just tell me where we’re going” I turn to her with the biggest puppy dog eyes, which seem to not work as she just chuckles and shakes her head. “We’re almost there, just a little patience baby” She murmurs and kisses my hand as a way of apologising.

Alexia starts to put the car into park and quickly leaves the car to open my door, ever the gentlewoman. She intertwines her hand with mine as she leads me into a very familiar building. “Uhm Alexia, why are we at the astronomy club?” I look to her with a very confused frown as she looks to me with the softest smile that completely melts my heart, “I got us tickets to a private rooftop stargazing event hosted by a local astronomy club” She speaks with excitement lacing every word, she couldn't even get the words out before I jump into her arms and squeeze her into the tightest hug known to man as a way to try show a glimmer of the feelings taking over my heart due to her unexpected attentiveness. She just smiles at me and gently kisses my forehead as if I am the softest thing in the world, I think I will just melt into a puddle of gush right then and there because of all her actions.

She once again takes my hand as we ascend the stairs to the rooftop, my heart races with excitement and anticipation. The night sky stretches out above creating a vast canvas of twinkling stars and constellations.

Upon reaching the rooftop, we’re greeted by a cosy setup complete with blankets, pillows, and telescopes. Soft music plays in the background, a realisation hits me suddenly. This is the song that was playing when I gave Alexia my number two months ago. The pure amount of consideration, care and thought that Alexia put into this date is making my eyes water, Alexia takes notice of this and immediately comes to engulf me with a hug as she lightly peppers kisses on my head. How did I get so lucky?

She starts to lead me, according to her, to the prime stargazing spot. She snakes her hands around my waist as her chin rests in the crook between my shoulder and neck while I peer through the telescope. “Alexia, you need to see this!” I excitedly tell her but to my surprise she shakes her head “I’d rather stay here with you” I turn to her with the biggest grin as I kiss her cheek and tell her various stories about all the constellations.

As the night wears on, we find ourselves lost in each other's company, our laughter mingling with the soft strains of music and the rustle of the night. With each passing moment, my heart swells more and more with a sense of warmth and belonging, a feeling I had never imagined I could find in another person.

And as the night starts to draw to a close, Alexia leans in, her movements slow and deliberate, as if savouring every moment leading up to the kiss. As I was thinking that the anticipation was going to be the death of me, I felt the warmth of Alexia's breath against my skin as our lips meet in a tender embrace, the world falling away, leaving only the sensation of Alexia's lips against mine, incredibly soft and inviting. My fingers instinctively tangle in Alexia's hair, pulling her as close to me as humanly possible. In that fleeting moment, everything feels right in the world.

[a-little-unsteddie]

stuck in your throat || 2.1

[here] || 2.2 || 2.3 || 2.4

i am almost done with writing ch 3, and that means i can publish chapter 2! woo! thanks for everyone’s patience! i’ll be posting twice a week! wed and sat :) this is a short part, but the other three parts are all *much* longer lol.

ch 1, part 1

masterlist

By the time Steve got home, it was a little after six in the evening, so he wasn’t sure if he would hear from Chrissy that night or not. Either way, he was very excited to be able to tell Robin that he got the job.

He felt a buzzing under his skin, an itch to do something productive, so he went to his bedroom and began to sort out his clothes. He immediately realized that he didn’t know how long the tour was going to be, so he pulled out his phone and added the question to his notesapp. How he went so long without asking about it was beyond him, as it seemed like a bit of information that was important.

Putting his phone down, Steve returned to his open closet and stared at his clothes in contemplation. It was at some point after this that he received a call, after he’d started filling a suitcase but before he’d even filled it half way.

Recognizing the number, Steve answered, “Hello, this is Steve speaking.”

“Hello, Steve! It’s Chrissy, how are you?” the woman on the other end responded with a cheerful tone.

“Hi, Chrissy! I’m good, how was your day?” he asked with a wince, god, he hated small talk.

“It was great, thanks for asking!” she answered. “The reason for my call is to let you know that you’ve been chosen as the best qualified candidate! I’ve already emailed you the paperwork that needs to be filled out, as well as details of the contract.”

“Oh, my god! Thank you!” Steve said, trying to act surprised, and not as though Eddie had already told him.

“I know Eddie already told you,” well, there went that, “but I still wanted to call you and let you know officially.”

“Uh, yes, he did tell me,” Steve admitted, slightly embarrassed, but pushed through.

He hated phone calls.

“That’s alright, I figured he would. Do you have any questions for me?” Chrissy asked, a clicking sound happening that Steve assumed was her fidgeting with a pen.

“I do, actually! Two.”

“Great! Hit me with ‘em.”

“How long should I pack for?” Steve asked, biting his lip nervously. He looked at the mess he had created of his room again, this time while trying to pack his suitcase.

“The second half of the tour is about two and a half months, but depending on how things go, you could be hired for a full time position while he’s not touring,” Chrissy answered easily, to which Steve hummed as he filed the information away. “We’ll also be sleeping in hotels some of the nights, so you’ll have access to laundry units in them.”

“Sweet! And, well, the second question might be a bit rude,” he confessed, leaning to rest his back against his bed.

Chrissy’s laughter echoed from the phone, “I’m sure I’ve been asked worse. What is it?”

“Do you happen to be hiring for any other reasons? My best friend, Robin, is looking for a full time job so she doesn’t have to work three part time jobs,” Steve explained, trying to be as appropriate as possible while inquiring about another job for a different person.

“Funny you should ask,” Chrissy said, sounding as though she were grinning, “a stipulation of Eddie getting a nanny is that I would hire an assistant to help with my workload for the band. I’ve only received two applicants, so I’d be more than thrilled to add a third to it. I’ll email you the listing to send to your friend.”

“Really? I honestly didn’t expect that to work,” Steve said, mildly impressed with himself.

Chrissy laughed again, “Well, I haven’t hired her yet,” she teased.

“Still, the only thing I was hesitant about was leaving her behind,” he grabbed a random shirt and started folding it to have something to fidget with. “I’m glad that there’s a chance. I’ll definitely have her send in an application.”

“Great! Any other questions?” she asked, to which Steve responded in the negative.

“Not at the moment, no.”

“I’ll get you the information of what we talked about, then, and you should be good. We’ll see you on the 17th.”

“See you on the 17th,” Steve confirmed with a wide smile. The line went dead, and he immediately checked his email for the documents she had sent before the call.

i tagged everyone who was tagged in ch 1, and anyone who requested it in the last part. lmk if i missed you, and if you want to be added, verify either in the comments, tags, messaging me, or your bio that you’re 18+. thank you &lt;;3

@marklee-blackmore @paintsplatteredandimperfect @steddie-as-they-go @disrespectedgoatman @lingeringmirth @hyperfixated-on-stuff @swimmingbirdrunningrock @littlewildflowerkitten @sani-86 @thegingerrapunzel @adventures-in-mangaland @missingmalfoy1 @yellowdevilkitten @extra-transitional @queen-stevie @stevesbipanic @crypticcorvidinacottage @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @eyehartart @gutterflower77 @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @fairytalesreality @dawners

[hbyrde36]

NOW COMPLETE!!!

For my beloved @penny00dreadful 💜🖤

My fandom bestie, writing soulmate, and one of my absolute favorite people in the entire world.

Happy (early) Birthday 🌈👠💖

Huge thanks to @pearynice and @hitlikehammers for all your help in making this story come to life!

WC: 3483 | Ch 1/4 | AO3 <-

Chapter 1: Over the Rainbow

To be perfectly honest, Steve always felt a little unsafe riding around in the van with Eddie. It wasn’t that he was a bad driver, per se, but he was definitely a distracted one, constantly needing to be reminded to keep his eyes on the road instead of the tape deck. He also tended to treat speed limits as more of a suggestion than something enforceable by law.

Tonight was no exception, the feeling of unease even worse than usual because of the storm raging outside. They shouldn’t have even been on the road in these conditions, a fact Steve had tried in vain to convince Eddie of. Hawkins was under a tornado warning for fuck’s sake! But the other boy wouldn’t hear it, their errand was too important.

They had plenty of beer, but they needed snacks. 

According to Eddie there was absolutely no way they could enjoy Friday the 13th part 27, or whatever ridiculous number sequel it was that he wanted to watch, properly without the three basic food groups: Pringles, Twizzlers, and some form of chocolate.

They were having a movie night, just him and Eddie. It was no big deal, really. Steve wasn’t nervous about it at all. They’d been getting along fine since Vecna had been defeated, better than fine! They just… hadn’t spent a lot of one-on-one time together. 

Typically, at least Robin, and some-or-all of the kids, would join them on a night like this, but the kids were set on going to the arcade, and Robin—who’d finally gotten over her fear of driving and managed to get her license on the first try—was taking Vickie out for what may or may not be a date, and borrowing Steve’s car to do it.

Therein lay the source of the problem, actually. It was usually Robin’s job to procure movie night snacks, and in her absence neither of them had thought to pick up the slack.

Which is what had led them to this moment. 

Flying down the road at 15 miles per hour over the posted speed limit, minimum, in a fucking downpour, at night. They were just asking for a deer or some shit to come bounding across the road and then—BAM!

As if on cue, just as Steve had the thought, something did indeed dart out from the side of the road to cross in front of them. Fortunately, for once, Eddie was actually paying attention. He slammed on the brakes, simultaneously jerking the wheel, allowing them to narrowly miss hitting the poor wild animal. 

Unfortunately, that combination of evasive maneuvers caused them to spin out, and sent the van careening into a ditch on the side of the road. The vehicle flipped, and Steve had just enough time to think how glad he was that they’d both been wearing their seatbelts, before something from the rear came flying up to smack him hard in the back of the head. 

-

Steve came to slowly, blinking awake, wincing as the bright light of day attacked his retinas. 

Day?

But it’d been night, hadn’t it? It was dark, and it was raining, and…

The evening before came back to him in a sudden rush. The van sliding across the road, the sickening crunch of metal as it rolled, gravity doing what gravity does. He didn't remember anything after that, but it looked like somehow they’d managed to land upright in the end at least.

He rubbed at the nape of his neck, pleasantly surprised to find no lumps, bumps, or blood, nor did he feel the telltale nausea that sometimes came with a really bad blow to the head. He wondered if Eddie– 

Oh my god, Eddie!

Steve looked to the left, finding the driver's seat empty and was instantly gripped by panic. He scrambled out of the car, nearly falling on his ass in his hurry.

“Eddie?” He called out, fear churning in his gut. “Eddie?!”

He spun a circle, relief washing over him as he found the other boy only a few feet away. 

Eddie was sitting on a large tree trunk, rocking ever-so-slightly back and forth, gnawing on his fingernails as he stared at the backside of the van.

“There you are! Dude, you scared the shit out of–” Steve trailed off as he rushed to Eddie’s side to see what he was looking at, and swallowed hard. It was a pair of legs in striped stockings wearing a killer pair of red heels, sticking out from under the rear tires. The shoes glittered cheerfully in the sunlight. “Oh, fuck.”

Eddie dropped his head into his hands. “I thought I swerved in time. I thought we missed it.”

“I thought it was a deer.” Steve mumbled.

Eddie cut him an annoyed glare. “Clearly not, Harrington.”

“Hey,” Steve said softly. He knew Eddie well enough by now to tell when he was scared—when he felt guilty, even if he was trying to act otherwise. “This isn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

“Yeah,” Eddie huffed. “Tell that to the cops! They thought I was a murderer once already. It’s only been a few months where I can actually be seen in public without someone calling me a devil worshiper, or worse. Now they’ll think they have proof that I really am a killer!”

“You know Hop will go to bat for you again, and I’m here. I can be a witness.”

“That’s not all.” 

“It somehow gets worse than us accidentally killing some lady?”

Eddie sighed, raking a hand over his face as he rose from the stump. He turned, gesturing to something behind them, but Steve was still stuck on those legs. He couldn’t look away. 

“Why the hell was someone out in shoes like that in the middle of the night anyway?” Steve mused. “It was pouring.” 

“Steve, look.”

“What if we just said I was driving? Then we– “

“Steve!” Eddie gripped his upper arms, forcibly turning him around. 

Steve’s eyes went wide. They were standing right on the edge of a little town. Little, not only in the way that the town itself was small in, like, area, though it was that—about the size of one city block—but for the fact that all the colorful little buildings and bungalows were miniature. The whole thing was surrounded by gardens laden with all sorts of beautiful plants, shrubs, and trees, with flowers of every shade in bloom.

“What the fuck,” Steve breathed, taking a few tentative steps into the vivid village.

“Yeah.”

“Eddie, what the fuck?! Where are we? And why is everything in technicolor?”

Eddie stepped up from behind to clap him on the back. 

“I don’t think we’re in Hawkins anymore, big boy.”

Steve shot him a look over his shoulder. “What was your first clue?”

“I see where Dustin gets his tone from.” Eddie mumbled.

Steve chewed on his bottom lip. “Do you… do you think it’s like the Upside Down?” 

“In the sense that it’s another dimension? Maybe, but I don't get the feeling this one has any terrifying monsters. It’s too clean. It even smells nice, like roses and shit.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. Eddie had a point, nothing about this place screamed danger. “The Upside Down always smelled like mold and rotting flesh.”

“Ugh, don��t remind me.”

“What do we do? How do we get back?” Steve asked, not really expecting Eddie to have all the answers, but he did his best thinking out loud with company. 

“No idea.”

“Should we start walking? Maybe try and find a payphone?”

Eddie scoffed. “A payphone?”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

The other boy was quiet for a moment, a rare occurrence, but eventually threw his hands up in defeat. “No, actually. So, I guess walking it is.”

Steve turned back, intending on pilfering the van for things that might be useful, like water, weapons, or one of the many lighters that littered the floor, when something in the distance caught his eye.  

“What the hell is that?” He asked aloud, pointing up to the sky at a giant pink bubble that was headed straight for them. 

Eddie squinted up at it. “I think there's something inside.”

“Should we run?”

“Maybe we should pop it.”

“You just said there was something inside! Wouldn’t that let it out?”

Eddie shrugged.

In no time, the bubblegum colored sphere settled near them and faded away, leaving behind a woman with long dark wavy hair. She held a long scepter, and wore a tall crown and a poofy ball gown, of all things. There was also something very familiar about her face. 

“Wait.”

“No.”

“Is that?”

“It can’t be.”

“Joyce?!” They both said, in tandem.

The woman in the ballgown tilted her head. “Who’s Joyce?”

“You are.” Steve said. 

She shook her head, offering him a kind smile. “I’m afraid not. I’m Glinda, the Witch of the North, and who might you be?”

Eddie leaned in, speaking out of the corner of his mouth. “Is she serious?”

Steve snorted a laugh, quickly trying to hide it with a cough.

“What’s so funny?” Not-Joyce asked. 

“Nothing, uh, I’m Steve, and this is Eddie.”

She stepped carefully around them, pointing her sparkly stick at the half-a-dead-body that jutted out from under Eddie’s van. “What do you boys have to say for yourselves?”

“I’m sorry?” Eddie said, sobering quickly. At the same time Steve insisted, “It was an accident!”

“Stop giving them a hard time, Glinda. They did us a favor!” A strangely familiar voice called out from behind a nearby bush, and a moment later 6 small-ish figures came popping out of the surrounding foliage.

“They killed The Wicked Witch of the East!” The one with curly hair shouted, as the others cheered.

Eddie jumped. “Jesus H. Christ, where did all you little fuckers come from?!”

“Oh my god.” Steve muttered under his breath.

It was the kids, except they were actually kids. The 11-year-old versions of Dustin, Will, Lucas, Mike, Max, and El pushed and shoved their way past each other, all trying to be the first to approach.

“Who you calling little?” Baby-Lucas said.

“Okay, what the hell is going on here guys? Why are you so young, and what’s with the outfits?” Steve asked, completely dumbfounded.

Once he’d gotten over the initial shock of their appearance, Steve realized they were all wearing costumes or something. The girls wore pink frilly dresses and tall pointed bonnets, something he knew for a fact Max would never have agreed to, and the boys had these funny little shorts with long socks and matching tops—except for Dustin, who donned long pants and an even longer coat, along with a striped bow tie and a giant pocket watch hanging from his side. 

Eddie looked similarly stunned. “How did you get us here? And how did you get Joyce in on it?”

“Who’s Joyce?” Mini-Mike-Wheeler asked.

“I think they mean me.” Not-Joyce said.

Tiny Dustin’s face twisted up in confusion. “But that’s not your name.”

She shrugged. “I tried telling them that.”

Steve groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “Okay fine, she’s Glinda. Who are you?”

“Oh! I'm the mayor of Munchkinland.” A wide, gummy smile spread across tiny-Dustin’s face as he stuck his arm out, er, up, for a handshake. 

Steve stared down at him, unimpressed. “You’ve gotta be shitting me. I'm done playing whatever game this is. How do we–”

A sudden explosion went off in the middle of the town square only a few yards away, creating a thick cloud of red smoke. On instinct Steve and Eddie both moved to place themselves between the oncoming threat and the Munchkins. 

The air cleared quickly, revealing a woman in a long black dress and matching cloak, carrying a broom and wearing a hard scowl.

Steve blinked at her, then looked at Eddie for confirmation that they were seeing the same thing. 

“Mrs. Click?”

Eddie nodded.

Her complexion was all wrong but the resemblance was uncanny.

Steve leaned in, whispering, “If that’s Click, who do you think the one we hit was?” 

Eddie grinned. “O’Donnel.”

“I am the Wicked Witch of the West. You killed my sister. Prepare to die.” The newcomer declared loudly, sneering at the two of them.

Eddie rounded on her, pointing a finger right in her face. “Look lady, we’ve had just about enough–”

Steve grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him back. “What my friend here means to say is, it was an accident and we’re very sorry.”

“I’ll show you an accident, young man,” The Wicked Witch said, raising her green hands and long pointy nails threateningly in their direction.

“Aren't you forgetting something?” Glinda raised her voice, as she too moved to protect the little ones.

“The ruby slippers! Yes!” The Wicked Witch smiled gleefully and made a beeline for Eddie’s van. 

When her back was to them, Glinda winked at Steve and did some kind of wavy-woo with her stick, which, in hindsight he realized was a wand, and the red shoes disappeared from the dead body’s feet right before their eyes, reappearing in Steve’s hand a second later.

“They’re gone!” The Wicked Witch gasped, whirling on the spot and narrowing her eyes at him.

“Why is it always me?” Steve grumbled, resigned to the fight, only to find Eddie taking a protective step in front of him as she approached. 

“You! Give them back. I’m the only one who knows how to use them. They’re of no use to you!”

She wasn’t wrong, but Steve felt like maybe it wasn’t the best idea to give what he suspected was a powerful magical object to a woman whose sister they’d just murdered. All those months of spectating while the party played D&D were finally paying off. 

“Put them on and stay tight inside of them, Steve.” Glinda said, her tone grave. “Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.”

Nailed it.

“You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!”

The Good Witch waved her off. “You have no power here. Now be gone before someone drops a… a… a…” She stuttered, waffling as if searching for the right word.

“A van?” Eddie supplied.

“Ah, yes. Thank you, Eddie dear.” She cleared her throat, pausing for what Steve could only assume was dramatic effect. “Now, be gone before someone drops a van on you, too!”

“Very well, but I'll be watching.” The Wicked Witch hissed, zeroing in on Steve once again. “I’ll get you my pretty-boy, and your little dog too!”

“Hey! Who are you calling a dog? You looked in the mirror lately?! Witch.” Eddie spat. 

She huffed, raising her broomstick high above her head and bringing it down hard against the road at her feet, sending more red smoke billowing up from the spot to quickly engulf her form. When it was gone, so was she.

“Little dog. Pfft.” Eddie muttered.

“It’s the hair.” Little-Max said, matter-of-factly.

“Yes,” Tiny-Dustin agreed, nodding as he rubbed stubby fingers against his small chin. “The word scruffy does come to mind, to be fair.” 

“Watch it, Mayor.” Eddie warned.

“That, and the way you were guarding your friend there.” Little-Max spoke again.

Eddie glowered as she dissolved into giggles that quickly spread through the small crowd. Soon all the Munchkins, as well as Glinda, were clutching their sides with laughter.

Steve didn’t get what was so funny. 

“Don’t listen to them, Munson. I like your hair. It’s very… metal.” 

Eddie put on a show of rolling his eyes, but under it all was a shy pleased smile. “Thanks, Harrington.”

“That’s rough, boys. You’ve made quite the enemy. The sooner you get out of Oz the better I think.” Glinda said, when the laughter had finally faded. 

“And how do we do that exactly?” Eddie asked. “The van’s broken down, and even if it wasn't, I have no idea where the hell we are or how we even got here! Let alone how to get back to Hawkins.”

“The only person who might be able to help you would be The Great and Wonderful Wizard of Oz himself.”

Steve pursed his lips. “Okay, I'll bite. How do we find this Great Wizard?” It took all his strength not to put those last two words in air quotes.

“He lives in the Emerald city.” She said.

“And how do we get there?”

“Follow the yellow brick road, of course.”

Eddie shook his head. “Of course, she says.”

“Do you not have yellow brick roads where you come from?”

“No.” Steve snapped. He was already so tired of this shit, and somehow he knew that the end of, whatever this was, was nowhere in sight. 

“My, my, you two are grumpy.” Glinda muttered. Without another word she took a few steps away from them and waved her wand, conjuring a new pink bubble around herself. 

“Wait, you can’t just leave us here with these kids!” Steve shouted, but it was too late, The Good Witch had already started to float away. 

“We’re not kids, y’know.” Tiny-Dustin said.

“You look like kids.”

“Whatever.” The boy shrugged, taking one of their hands in each of his. “Come on, we’ll walk you to the edge of town.”

-

The edge of town turned out to be roughly 10 feet away from where the van had landed, which wasn’t a surprise given the compact nature of Munchkinland as a whole, but it did have Steve wondering why they even bothered. 

At least the kids—sorry, the Munchkins, had been helpful enough to point out the yellow brick road. 

As if they could have missed it.

Eddie let out a long whistle. “Wow, that is YELL-ow. Like, I know they said it, but I guess I expected it to be dull or dirty or something, not this bright sunshine color. Kinda reminds me of that sweater you used to wear.”

Steve tucked the pair of heels awkwardly under his arm and started down the path, wishing he had a bag or something to put them in. Holding onto them like this was going to get annoying fast. 

“Aren't you going to put those on first?” Eddie asked.

“Are you serious, Munson?” Steve slowed his pace, turning to gape at him.

Eddie grinned, bumping their elbows together when he caught up. “What, afraid you can’t walk in ‘em?”

“I wear a size 13 men’s shoe, they’re never gonna fit me!”

For a fraction of a second Eddie’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “Jesus, guess I was onto something with that nickname, big boy.”

Steve rolled his eyes, shoving the shoes in Eddie’s direction. “Why don’t you put them on?”

“No, that Glinda lady gave them to you, expressly.”

“I'm telling you they’re not gonna fit.”

“Magic shoes, Steve.” Eddie wiggled his fingers for emphasis. “Magic shoes! Just try, I'm sure it’ll be fine.”

Steve glared as he toed his sneakers off, tying the laces together before throwing them over Eddie’s shoulder, and finally slipped his feet into the sequin adorned pumps. 

They fit like a glove.

He twisted at the waist, glancing behind his own back, sticking first one leg out, and then the other, as he looked down at himself. “Hmm, they do make my ass look nice, I guess.” 

He also just so happened to be wearing his date night jeans, the ones that hugged him in all the right places, and with the addition of the shoes? It was a good look, if he did say so himself. 

A high pitched noise escaped Eddie’s throat. “As if you needed any more help in that department.” He mumbled under his breath.

Steve swallowed hard. “What’d you say?”

“Nothing.”

Eddie was always doing that—flirting, making little comments and then pretending he hadn’t. It drove Steve crazy, never sure if Eddie actually meant it, or if he just liked to tease—not quite sure which answer he hoped was the truth.

Steve turned on his heel, literally, and strode away, tired of wasting time. His first few steps were a bit wobbly, a little like a newborn calf learning to walk, but he got the hang of it pretty quickly. He wasn’t, like, swaying his hips side-to-side confident or anything—yet—but he was reasonably sure he wasn’t going to randomly fall over. It was good enough for now. 

“What are we looking for again?” He asked without turning around. 

“The Emerald city.” Eddie replied, falling into step beside him again, cheeks a little pink. “The little guy who looked like Will said we’d know it when we saw it.”

“Nicely vague, figures.” 

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it. They seem to take everything very literally around here, so my guess is if we see a place with a lot of big bright green buildings, that’ll be the one.”

Chapter 2

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | January 15th-21st 2024

My ao3 history is still fucked. Gonna have to figure out if there's something I can do about it :/

Complete

hot cocoa by evcndiaz/ @evcndiaz (Established Buddie | 3K | Teen): Buck is freaking out about proposing. He gets an assist from Athena, Bobby, and. Well. Eddie himself.

A Message To You by Mad_Lori/ @madlori (Media fic, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): Two firefighters both write to an advice column on the same day, with the same problem - they're each in love with their best friend. You won't believe what happens next!

🔥 Life Cycles of the Southern Coastal Husbro series by Mad_Lori/ @madlori (Post-Season 5, Queer Platonic Relationship to Lovers | 5 works | 92K)

🔥 Courtship Behaviors of the Southern Coastal Husbro (QPR, Getting Together | 49K | Explicit): “I want you in my family, I want us to be a family. Officially. A family can be a guy, his son, and his best friend, right?” Buck’s lower lip was trembling. “You’re really asking me to be your…what, now?” “Frank called it ‘platonic life partners.’” Observational Notes on the Southern Coastal Husbro (Fluff | 10K | Mature): A day in the life of two engaged firefighter husbros and their smartass son. Migratory Patterns of the Southern Coastal Husbro (Coming Out | 13K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie visit El Paso to tell the Diaz parents that they're engaged. Also, they go viral (again), eat King Ranch Casserole, pontificate on queer identities, get a visit from the Fire Chief, and the Hot Firefighter Calendar makes a reappearance. Ancestral Lineage of the Southern Coastal Husbro (Parental Reconciliations | 13K | Explicit): The Buckleys surprise Eddie at home when Buck's not there, hoping to work around Buck's no-contact edict and attempt a reconciliation. Later, Eddie surprises Buck with the news that hey, he has grandparents on his mom's side, too. Surprise number two: they suck. Eddie and Buck remain disgustingly in love with each other. Sexual Alignments of the Southern Coastal Husbro (5K | Teen): Eddie goes out for drinks with the dispatch center folks, gets hit on at the bar, and has personal epiphanies about his sexual orientation.

Kilty Pleasures by JamesPearce911/ @diazsdimples (PWP, Established Buddie | 8K | Explicit): Or, Buck and Eddie discover they have kilt kinks.

melt your headaches (call it home) by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Pre-Relationship, Sharing a Bed | 2K | Teen): hypothetically, Buck types. if someone hit their head in the morning, they probably shouldn’t go to sleep alone, huh The phone vibrates in his hand before he can even put it down, Eddie’s face flashing on the screen. Buck sighs and picks it up. “What did you do?” Eddie asks immediately. “Hypothetically, the Scrub Daddy tried to kill me.”

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 41/54 | 78K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

44. We Gotta Create Our Interludes: Rated E - some soft established relationship fluff and smut 45. My Application to Hell: Rated E - shameless smut of the "they could never get away with this in real life" variety.

what my heart just yearns to say (in ways that can't be said) by mimibegins/ @itiveseenthisfilmbefore (Post S06E15: Death and Taxes | 5K | General): “I didn’t know that,” Eddie replied, eyebrows furrowed. And then he added so quietly that Buck almost missed it: “I mean, how would I? As I don’t see you.” And Buck was struck through the core and taken back in time. From one moment to the next, he was back at the graveyard, looking at Eddie and saying “I feel like she sees me” and then he recalled the broken look behind Eddie’s eyes and oh. So that’s what was wrong.

Twice Struck by Tizniz / @tizniz (Post-Lightning | 3K | General): Buck finds out he wasn't the only one struck by lightning that night.

dusk until the dawn (you're where i wanna go) by mimibegins/ @itiveseenthisfilmbefore (Post S6E14: Performance Anxiety, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): “So, would you say that you’re worried about dating because you never really dated,“ Buck said as he shifted his weight, draping himself over the couch in a way that was almost obscene for a public space. “Is that a question, or– ?” Eddie wondered, slightly amused as he looked up at Buck, who looked so pensive, if not a bit stunned as he was seemingly still trying to wrap his head around the disastrous dating experiences of Eddie Diaz. “No, it’s– yeah, okay, I guess it’s a question but– have you?” Buck asked, almost bashful, with a faint blush sitting high on his cheeks as he met Eddie’s eyes. God, Eddie thought as he felt how the blood rushed into his cheeks as well. These feelings are definitely not platonic.

he's a big boy by oklahoma/ @malewifediaz (Married Buddie, PWP | 5K | Explicit): Eddie has a thing for Buck's big dick.

one is one too many, one more is never enough by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (Drunk Confession | 2K | Teen): They say hangovers get worse as you get older. Buck never believed that until his first hangover in his thirties hit him like a fucking freight train. He had vowed to never get that drunk again. And he’d kept that promise to himself for over a year. That all changed at Maddie and Chimney’s wedding. He’d like it noted that it wasn’t his fault that he got so drunk. He hadn’t had any of the mimosas that were flowing while Maddie and her bridal party got ready because he didn’t want to risk anything going wrong when he walked Maddie down the aisle. In fact, he hadn’t had a drink until after he gave his speech. 

🔥 Don't Push Me So Far Away I Can't Reach You by giselleslash (Friends With Benefits | 12K | Mature): or the one where Buck thinks he and Eddie are just friends with benefits so he pushes Eddie to date other people because he’s an idiot

if you keep reachin' out (then I'll keep comin' back) by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It probably wasn’t the best idea to flirt with Buck before a rescue but Eddie couldn’t help himself. He’d been struggling with keeping his feelings for Buck locked down for months now, maybe even longer if he was honest with himself. 

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard? by rarakiplin (gmontys)/ @hoediaz (Post-Shooting | 9K | Teen): or, in which eddie's will reveal is a love confession, and buck takes a second to catch up

🔥 maybe love won't let you down by sibylsleaves (Season 5B, Getting Together | 15K | Mature): Buck tells Eddie he’s in love with him. Eddie pines. or, five times eddie watches buck leave, and the one time he goes after him

Rope 'n Ride by rosebuddiekin/ @giddyupbuck (PWP | 2K | Explicit): Or: Eddie rides Buck wearing the cowboy hat.

WIP

search history by forgottenwords (Getting Together | 8/10 | 11K | Explicit): Eddie opened the Safari app to find a specific recipe Buck was looking for, but something was already typed in the search box. Beefy blonde twink gets railed by— Buck's voice calls out from the kitchen “Did you find it yet?” and Eddie hastily closes the tab, opening another with a surprising speed from someone considered technologically illiterate. As close as they were, he’d never had a thought about the type of ‘adult entertainment’ Buck was partial to. Now, it was all he could think about.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 107/? | 296K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 and if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Canon Divergent Season 6, Friends with Benefits | 5/18 | 23K | Explicit): or, an alternate look at season 6 where buck and eddie have been casually sleeping together since before the beginning of the season. somehow, this changes both everything and nothing at all.

Winter Prayer by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Road Trip, Buck&Bobby&May | 1/3 | 5K | General): When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

(when i die) i'll die loving you by lecornergirl / @clusterbuck (The Good Place Fusion | 1/? | 2K | Teen): OR: buck and eddie are in the afterlife, and they're soulmates. but it's not quite that simple.

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night by I_still_dont_understand_13 / @sherlockcrossing (Prompt collection | 21/? | 14K | Teen): 100 kiss prompts.

22. 82. Whispering "I love you" in-between kisses  23. 1. Whispering "kiss me" to your lover  24. 18. Grabbing your lover by the collar 

[getfuckedblr]

here’s my guide to making typesets! I use Word to make my typesets, Canva for designs, and Adobe to insert the majority of my designs.

this is a ton of info and I tried to make it as readable as possible, but plz let me know if u need any clarification!

Word: always use the app, the online program doesn't have all of the options needed

paper size: US Letter Borderless

then i flip it landscape, do custom borders, and select book fold. I do 1 inch on top and bottom, .75 in inside, and .5 in outside. i leave the gutter option alone and leave it set to 0. You can choose how large you want your signatures to be (sheets in booklet option on the margins page): I normally do 40 page signatures, but if it's a smaller text you'll want to go smaller for stability. after that, you should have a half page to start your typeset!

Inserting your fic:

the next thing you’ll do is insert your fic; on ao3 click entire story, CTRL A to select all, CTRL C to copy it all. Paste it into your document. word automatically detects the headings, and you should be able to see all your chapters on the left side bar (if you can’t see it, click the page numbers on the bottom left to open the tab).

Formatting:

you can do the next few steps in any order, but we’re going to fix the formatting now. you’ll want to CTRL A everything, pick a font and a font size. I normally use georgia and size 10, going smaller or larger depending on the file size.

To have an indent on every line: CTRL A your work to select all, right click the “normal” style, on the home tab. go to the bottom left, open the drop-down menu, and select “paragraph”. next to special, hit first line. i like to do .3, you can do whatever you want. i then like to make sure the space after is set to 0, the line spacing to single, and then hit save. it should automatically adjust your lines to start at whatever indent you picked.

To fix the spacing: go into the layout tab, and go to spacing. There'll be a before and after option: write in 0, then click enter for both of them. Word is a little bit bitchy so you have to force it do things sometimes. after this you can choose if you want single spacing, or 1.5, or whatever you want.

*sometimes, the way the fic was formatted when posted to ao3 means that even after setting the line spacing to zero, there will still be a space in between each line. this is where you have to troubleshoot. you can either go line by line to delete the excess space (yes, for real. and yes, it's just as awful as it sounds) or, sometimes, not every-time but sometimes, you can highlight the chapter text, go into the home tab on top, click the A with the purple eraser to erase all formatting, and then do all the beginning steps again, and it will get rid of the extra space.*

Now that your format is mostly fixed, delete the archive of our own beta, and anything else you don't want. I normally delete everything up to the title of the work, and leave that for creating my copyright page. Remember to do the same for the end of the work!

Page Breaks and Section Breaks:

the next part is the most crucial. it's how we format both the chapters, but also how we format the headings and footer. this was the part that took me the longest to figure out: it's the page breaks and section breaks. page breaks mark the place where one page ends, and another begins. section breaks will create a new section in your document, so you can break the beginning few pages from the rest of your textblock. This will allow you to insert page numbers that start on page one, instead of at the first page of the document.

I like to go the end of the description, and then click on the first chapter. then I'll add a section break. you can find this in the layout tab, click breaks, and then click section break. so now our section 2 starts with chapter one. After this, add a blank page after the description and before your new section, and then click on the first chapter. (adding a blank page allows for smoother formatting later with headers and footers)

I then go to each chapter, delete the authors notes at the start and end of each chapter, and add a page break at the start of each chapter. i like to use the heading tab on the left to click each chapter, so I know I'm actually starting the new page right where I need to, and other formatting won't delete the page break.

when I create a compilation fic, where I have muitlple fics in one typeset, I use section breaks at the starts of each new fic. this will allow the page numbers to continue, but I can then edit each sectio to change the fic title and the authors name. if you're really fancy, you can do this for each chapter title as well, you would just hve to use a section break for each chapter instead of page break. *Remember to click link to previous to turn it off, so you are only editing that section, and not all the other sections. this can be found in the heading and footer tab on the top, which will automatically open when you click on the heading or footer.*

Adding page numbers, authors name, text name:

To add a page number, I click the footer, which automatically opens the header/footer tab on top. Then, I click page numbers, add page numbers. I turn on different odd and even pages, which is also found in the header/footer tab. you'll have to insert page numbers on both an even and odd age to get them to show up once you click that option. Page one should be an odd page, page two should be an even page. I like to put the page numbers on the outside of the page. Then you'll click format page numbers, click "start at" instead of "continue from previous section", and write in 1. now your typeset starts at 1 on chapter one instead of the start of your document! you'll need to go back and delete the numbers that showed up on the first section, but remember to deselect link to previous before you do that! or you'll end up deleting your page numbers again.

to add text on page numbers:

click into the header/footer again. double click directly on the page number, then start typing. You ca highlight the whole thing to change the font, font seize, etc. I normally do the same size as my text, and I'll either do georgia font or garamond font. I google "copy paste line for text" to get that line dividing the page number from whatever text I have next to it.

to add graphics on an entire work:

you can go into the header or footer, go to the insert tab, and insert a picture. Doing it in the header or footer will ensure it's on every single page that shares that header or footer. I have done this in the past, and find it's cute, but it's also tricky because it needs to be small enough to fit inside the header or footer, and won't really be able to interact with the text because it's different on each page, while the graphic will stay in the same position regardless.

Blank Pages:

you want blank pages at the start and end of your textblock: this is what you'll be glueing your end papers to. even more, you'll want to ensure your total page number is both divisible by 4 (each page of paper will have four pages of your text on it, two to each side) and fits into your signature count. If you're working with a 40 page signature, and you have 420 pages, that's fine. You'll end up having the last signature only be 5 regular pages instead of 10, which is plenty enough to sew. you really just want to try and avoid only having one of two pages in that last signature, as that won't be very strong in holding up your end page, or be very stable in sewing on to your book block.

to make sure they're blank, with no page numbers, you'll want to insert a section break on the last page of text. Deselect link to previous, delete the page numbers and you should be all good!

Printing/Saving:

I'm on a mac. I don't know how you would do this on anything but a mac. let that be a warning lmao. but I will CTRL A everything, ensure it's US Letter Borderless, and then hit print. if you don't tell the document it's the right size, it'll be funky when you go to print because of the margins. to insert images, i click save as pdf. it'll save it in the correct order to print for your signatures, and then I upload it into adobe to edit further. that'll have to be a different post bc this is entirely too long already.

If you want to print directly from here, ensure it's printing the right size, flip on short edge, double sided. and you're all done!

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

If the Sky Comes Falling Down (For You)

First posted: January 25, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd and his various siblings

Favorite bookmark: "A variety of permutations and flavors of Robin h/c featuring Jason! The Baskin Robins of BatFam h/c, if you will."

Second favorite bookmark: "and so, step by step, the prodigal stray coaxes himself home."

Tier: #3 in hits & kudos & subscriptions, #4 in comment threads, #2 in bookmarks

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Individual chapter notations below the cuts.

Chapter One

First, to note, the title came last and is from "Hey Brother" by Avicii because it was already on my BatFam playlist and gave me strong sibling feels, so it worked!

Okay if I remember correctly, this fic came about because 1) I had jotted down story ideas, all surrounding Jason, that were all just a bit too similar for me to feel comfortable doing them as one-offs, and 2) it was late 2018 when I start writing so I was deep in 5+1 IronDad fics.

This fic was so deeply indulgent from start to finish, which I think might be why people liked it so much? Like, if you're into the tropes into this fic, you're really into them. It scratches the itch just right, because it's my itch and I wrote it for me.

The plan was to do like I did for my other multi-chapter fics (except Nature and Nurture, RIP me) and write it all out before posting anything, so I could be sure that I would actually finish. I don't have that kind of self-restraint anymore. But it was a fun challenge to figure out what should happen to whom and in what order.

Jason didn’t sleep much anymore. He’d always been a rough sleeper, his years spent in low-security public housing and then on the street grinding away at his ability to rest with ease. He slept lightly, his consciousness skimming just below the surface, ready to spring awake at the softest noise.

As I've said before, sometimes I have an idea for a fic but then, when trying to start it, a sentence pops up immediately as my opener. That's always a wild ride because sometimes it seems to have nothing at all to do with where I want to go, so then I have to backtrack and figure out but why tho????

Moving to the Manor had helped some, after he’d assured himself that no one was going to scratch at his door or steal his shoes. The cold mornings had been the best, spent curled under a mound of the softest blankets imaginable atop a mattress so perfectly contoured to his bones that it’d felt like floating on the surface of a pool. He’d slept, truly slept, at the Manor.

I like the idea of, even at Jason's most toxic and vitriolic, the Manor itself still representing safety and comfort. Maybe sometimes he would twist it into stifling or grossly indulgent, but I think deep in his stomach he would know that distortion was a lie. The Manor was safer than anywhere else, even with his mom.

Those days of rest were long gone. The Pit had done a number on his brain—intensifying and altering his emotions, erasing some old habits and dialing up others, leaving dark chasms where memories should be.

I've seen other fics play with the idea of the trauma of Jason's injuries, death, resurrection, and the Pit all combining to some degree or another to swiss-cheese his brain (a phrase I lovingly borrow from Quantum Leap.) And that of course leaves a bunch of really fun room to play with—how much does Jason know he's missing vs. how much is gone or totally distorted without him even being aware? (Again, another thing I tease out in various fics like N&N.)

It was like someone had jammed a stick in his skull and given his brain a good stir. Or maybe that was just the crowbar. Ha.

I made myself snicker with that one. It's so voiceily Jason but also that ha is so guttural and specific in my head, you all will never know.

He was making progress with his budding criminal empire—splashy progress, as displayed on the crusting cuffs of his sleeves and the splattered toes of his boots, but also more subtle progress, too. The subtle form was harder, so much harder, but he knew its changes would be more permanent, in the long run. Splashy got people talking. Subtle got them bowing.

Jason! Todd! Is! No! Thug! He is smart and cunning and uses violence to make an impact and that's that on that.

And though he’d heard her speak before in the careful neutral of the middle-class, the sounds being beat out of her now were Crime Alley crooked.

I like the idea of Steph and Jason growing up in the same neighborhood. It's not a hill I'd die on, but it makes for some interesting fic.

The girl put up a good fight. She was rough, no finesse, no real training. All knuckles and elbows and feet and knees. He spotted some of the Bat basics pop up in the way she ducked and spun, but she wasn’t lithe like Nightwing or crafty like the Replacement. She was a brawler. And she was losing.

She is who he might have been, without Bruce and Alfred and Dick. A decent fighter, stubborn, willing to brawl it out, but ultimately destined to lose.

It sucked in an abstract way, the way it sucked that someone was going hungry halfway around the world, the way it sucked when a stranger missed his bus. It sucked, but it wasn’t Jason’s problem, and he couldn’t really bring himself to care. B needed to learn to pick up his toys.

Starting with Steph made the most sense to me. She wasn't (and isn't) a member I know super well, with so much of her canon backstory being things I have no interest in, and she's part of the Family but in that awkward "we're maybe siblings but also I have a mom and also I dated one of you too??" ways, so she's got a little bit of distance, for me as a writer and also Jason. She doesn't have the emotional heat of the others. He doesn't hate her, just what she represents. He also doesn't care what happens to her, except—

The knife glinted in the amber streetlight and cast a shadow across the yellow emblem on her chest.

She's not Batman. She's not a Robin. She's Batgirl. And that's a different thing entirely.

Jason knew what they saw when they looked at him. He was big now, broad-shouldered and massive in a way he had only ever dreamed of being as a scrawny, malnourished street kid. His helmet was blood-red and gleaming, its angles sculpted to subtly suggest a skull. And his clothes were still stained with actual blood. He was an Alley myth, a nightmare with more bite than the Bat, because he wasn’t afraid to do real damage. He was death.

Jason Peter Todd is scary smart, and he knows how to make the exact impact he wants.

“I don’t know you, but I know your colors. You’re Ibanescu’s boys.”

I had to google Gotham crime families. I know literally nothing other than the name.

It was one thing to let her get the snot beat out of her. And even if someone else had taken a shot at her, he wouldn’t have minded. But he couldn’t. Not in that suit.

:3

“It’s not about you,” Jason repeated, his voice gravelly and rough. He pointed toward the yellow symbol on her chest, the symbol that, in the world he’d left, the world he remembered, belonged to someone else. “I owe her a debt. And now it’s paid.” Jason was a murderer. A thief. A criminal. A drug lord. He had no illusions as to his own goodness anymore, no hope for redemption or grace. But he had his values, the few precious things that he would not allow. One of those, it seemed, was watch a man restrain and stab a Batgirl while he did nothing.

Someday I'll write more about that. The partner and friend and maybe mentor who was still reeling from trauma and hadn't yet found her way when Jason was snuffed out of existence.

Jason was tired, but the night was just beginning.

So that's where it starts. Jason tired, literally caked with dried blood, stepping in not because of love or hate or curiosity or concern but because he felt he owed a debt to someone else and that debt instead landed on the person in front of him.

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 9 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 10

Summary : Loki Meets Mrs. Geller, Things are heating up between you and him.

Warning: mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, self deprecating behaviour, Melissa, some much needed steam , 4k words

Note : This is the mandatory fun fluffy steamy chapter of the series (Gif is how i picture him on the bed)

"You have my phone number right?" You mumbled softly so he nodded,

"I have memorized it"

"Recite for me"

He looked at you for a moment before he proceeded to recite the number, however just to be safe you did write it on a note and shoved it in his pants pocket. This morning you woke up in his arms thanking all your stars that last night wasn't just a heavenly dream. He had to leave soon so you were enjoying most of the time you had with him, by enjoying you meant you couldn't stop kissing him.

"Give me those bird like kisses" he mumbled so you pulled away and looked at him.

"Whaaaat?" You giggled so he cupped your cheeks, placed his lips on yours and pecked you again and again until you got the point.

"You like that I see" you mumbled so he nodded, then you did the same to him until he was all giggly. God you wanted to keep him in your pocket

"Okay before you leave I want you to meet Mrs Geller" you told him so he stood up from the sofa with you in his arms.

"God sometimes I forget all about the inhuman strength" you placed your legs down but he still had his hands around your waist, holding you in the air as if you weighed nothing, you looked down at his forearms, the rolled up sleeves made him look hotter somehow, he was wearing the white shirt from last night with a pair of formal black pants.

"Mmhm you enjoy that?"

"Ohh yeah, I like the idea of you being so strong, knowing that you can just fold me in half like a log of wood with a snap of your fingers is super sexy" you whispered in his ear and his cheeks went red again. He needed his erection controlling charm. Now he had filthy images in his head about bending you over in several ways and taking you like that. Erection control charm Stat.

"Well I would never fold you in any way that would make you feel anything but delighted" it was your turn to get bashful. He was cute and sexy, the deadliest combination.

"You know what else I find sexy?" You whispered as you planted your lips on the soft skin of his neck.

"That even though you're such a strong deadly powerful man, I am the safest when I'm with you" he hummed as you said that, a smile appeared on his face. He'd always keep you safe.

Before things could get dirty, you grabbed his arm and took him with you to meet Mrs. Geller.

"I love this dress on you princess"

"You know I dressed up for you right, I mean you have seen me in my natural habitat" he chuckled as you said that.

"I have. You resemble a dainty little wild creature in your natural habitat" you gasped at the comment before you hit on his chest with your fist playfully "Especially when you hair is all matted and uncombed you look like a bear cub"

"Staaapp I'll kick your ass" you chuckled

You knocked on Mrs Geller's door and as soon as she opened it she couldn't take her eyes off him. You didn't blame her though.

"Can we come inside?" You asked her

"Of Course my dear, come come" she mumbled hurriedly so you took him in and he looked around, her apartment was similar to yours.

"Ahhh sit down please" she looked up at him so he smiled and sat down on her couch. She was even shorter than you and he didn't want her to strain her neck just to have a conversation with him.

"Mrs Geller first of all I just wanted to thank you for the last night and secondly this is Loki as you must know"

"Hello Mrs Geller" he mumbled politely so she smiled

"I am soooo confused" she let out a nervous laughter

"I know you see..you know how he escaped with the tesseract and ended up in an apartment?"

"Yes I follow Melissa McKay on Instagram, she just posted this photo.. see" she said excitedly as she showed you a picture on her Android phone and you controlled the urge to roll your eyes. People were deeply invested in this fake couple.

"Uhhh yeah about that, you see when he escaped he didn't end up in her apartment, he ended up in mine, he has been living with me for more than two months before Thor, his brother found him and took him back. Remember when Thor came to Minnesota a month ago? He wasn't just on vacation, he came for Loki" You spoke as fast as you could and her eyes widened in shock, she took a step back and stared at him, he was just looking at her with that typical confused puppy look on his face.

"Oh wow. I knew you were hiding a boy in there because I heard voices…but woww" she gulped as she finished her sentence "But what is this thing with Melissa then?"

"It's all lies, trust me I had no clue of such a thing before the press conference, i never wanted to hurt y/n like that" Loki answered her and she nodded.

"Okay let me make you both a cup of coffee" she offered but you told her that he had to leave soon.

"So what does this mean, are you seeing him?" She took you aside and questioned you,

"It's umm..we are friends "

"Best friends " he chimed in so you smiled.

"Sharp hearing " you told Mrs Geller and her eyes widened even more.

"I just know that he's someone very important to me and I don't want to lose him. Againn" you told her as sincerely as you could, you wanted her to understand that he wasn't just some guy you were seeing.

"Oh he's the one isn't he, the guy you couldn't get over" she said it as a matter of fact.

"Yes"

"Yeah I don't blame you"

You smiled and his face flushed, he was easily embarassed and you had planned to have so much fun with that knowledge.

"Ummm so can you please promise to keep this with you for now, i don't want my mom to know about all of this, I'm not ready to deal with her just now" you requested her so she hugged you and promised you that she won't share anything with your mother. You hoped she'd be able to keep that promise because she loved gossiping and you weren't ready to deal with your mother's opinion about this just yet.

She sat down next to Loki and asked him different things as if she was testing him whether he actually cared about you or not. He learned that it was her birthday tomorrow so he conjured a fluffy sweater for her as a present, it was something he had made for Frigga but never got the chance to give her.

"You can knit?" You asked him as you brought him back to your apartment

"It was just a phase where i enjoyed knitting, i have grown out of it" you cupped his cheeks and kissed him as he said that.

"You're so cute"

He smiled and kissed you back but then you suddenly pulled away from him,

"Wait i have to see this picture your fake girlfriend posted again" you grabbed your phone from the kitchen counter but he tried to snatch it away.

"You need to do no such thing darling"

"Ohhh but I do" you swiftly walked away from him to get away but he followed you,

"Why?" He asked you so you shrugged, he tried to snatch it away from you again so you ran towards your bed and unfortunately you didn't have much space to run around in your apartment, he picked you up and laid you down on the bed, you placed your hands up so he won't be able to grab the phone but your attempts were futile, he pinned both of your hands with one hand and used the other one to grab your phone then it disappeared. Damn super strength and magicky stuff.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself like that, you hear me?" you bit on your lip at his sharp commanding tone.

"Mmmhmm" you hummed in response

"She means nothing to me'

"And I do" that wasn't a question but a statement, you knew he cared about you, if he didn't he never would have come back for you. And he definitely wouldn't have been there on top of you at the moment.

"You do, only you do" he whispered as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

He couldn't stop staring at your lips so he lowered down and kissed you, he didn't let go of your hands and kept them pinned over your head while his other arm grabbed your thigh and he curled it around his waist one by one.

This definitely was the most sexual kiss you have had with him until now, or with anyone really, your body felt warm, weak and tingly all over, you just wanted him to keep going and do whatever he wanted to do with you, however a knock on your window made you gasp in his mouth. You craned your neck up and so did he to look at the window, Thor was standing on the other side with a huge smirk on his face

Loki immediately let go of you and then he helped you off the bed like the gentleman that he was. How come he wasn't aroused by that kiss? You felt it deep in your soul but when you had your legs around him you felt nothing, no bulge. Nothing.

"Okay give me my phone or we won't be able to talk" you placed your palm forward so he conjured your phone and gave it back to you. You wanted to kiss him but you could feel Thor's eyes on you both so you looked at him and he turned around, he made sure that you both saw him rolling his eyes.

"Okay call me whenever you can..I'll miss you" you mumbled as you kissed him, your eyes were teary and they made him sad too. He wished he could have taken you with him or better he wished he could have stayed here but it wasn't possible. He was on a probation, if he was to fuck up again he'd be sent back to Asgard and he didn't want to go so far away from you at any cost.

"I will ring you tonight only i promise" you smiled as he said that before your arms curled around his neck so you could hug him tightly, once you had your fill, you walked him towards the window and he somehow stepped out even though the window was too small for his large frame.

"Ummm hiiii and thank you for your help" you said to Thor and raised your hand forward so he shook it gently.

"My pleasure lady y/n" you smiled at him before you diverted your attention back to loki.

"Take care okay? And eat and miss me" you told him as you fixed the collar of his shirt and it made him smile. Norns he found you all kinds of precious.

"You do that too please, no more skipping meals" he mumbled softly so you nodded.

When he left you sat down on your bed, you needed a moment, everything felt so good when he was there but as soon as he was gone you felt gloomy again. Oh the rush of the new love, well technically this was your first love since you have never actually been in this sort of love before.

You picked up your phone and despite his resistance you couldn't help but stalk Melissa again, she had posted a picture with him where he was looking at the camera, a small smile on his face while she was looking at him like a love sick school girl. Now you knew why his eyes seemed that way, he was sad and miserable. She had tagged a profile so you opened it and it belonged to Loki but you didn't think he was the actual owner of the account, he probably didn't even know about it.

He already had like 200k followers and that shocked you.

As Thor and Loki reached the tower, loki used the invisibility charm to disappear, when Tony spotted Thor he stormed towards him.

"Where is that reckless brother of yours?" He asked Thor, even though Loki was right next to him Tony obviously couldn't see him, Loki took off his shoes and started to tiptoe around Tony so he could get away without being noticed.

"How would I know I just returned from my morning stroll? What a beautiful morning in midgard today" he smiled widely.

"Well he missed the training sesh with Cap, you know he can't leave the tower without permission right?"

"Did you even check his chamber thoroughly?" Thor asked him, hoping that Loki was back to his room by now.

"I knocked ..he didn't open up"

"Norns, he must have consumed buckets of midgardian liquor at the celebration last night" Both Thor and Tony walked towards Loki's room together and knocked loudly, a moment later Loki opened the door, looking half asleep and hungover out of his mind.

"You really need to set an alarm" Tony told him before he walked away, as soon as he was out of sight Loki waved his fingers and he was back to looking his perfect self.

"We have to be more careful than this, you can not be out this late in the morning" Thor said as he huffed

"I am being treated like a prisoner"

"You are a prisoner" Loki rolled his eyes and shut the door on Thor's face. After an hour he stepped out of his room in order to not make them more suspicious of him. He wanted to call you and hear your sweet voice but you must have been at your workplace already and he didn't want to bother you or distract you.

He was trying to find something to eat in the kitchen but as soon as he spotted Melissa his appetite died.

He didn't say anything but she kept walking towards him and then she hugged him.

"I'm sorry about my behavior last night..i was drunk" she smiled so he pulled her away.

"That is fine, just, do not embrace me without my permission" he told her as he pushed her away by holding onto her shoulders.

"Honestly, what is your problem?" She asked him as she crossed her arms. Sometimes she scared him but not in a good way.

"Where should I begin?" She glared at him at the sarcastic response.

"I'm just trying to be your friend here Loki"

Okay now he was actually upset by her. She was starting to take the fake relationship too seriously, he already had a friend, he didn't need more and especially not the ones who he knew just wanted to hurt him and use him for their own benefit.

"You don't want to be my friend, you want to be my concubine so let us not even play pretend here"

She got upset by his words and stormed out of there, why didn't he want her? She was attractive, several guys would have killed to be with someone like her.

In the evening Loki was being interviewed along with Melissa so you sat down on the couch with a glum look on your face. You hated seeing him with her,

"So Melissa tell me about the moment when you knew he was the one" You saw her blushing at the question, she was sitting so close to him and only you could tell how uncomfortable he was.

"That would be the moment when he kissed me for the first time, the moment we kissed I just felt this chemistry between us, this scorching heat and it was the most amazing thing in the world" No not the heat, the heat was yours. How much did he tell her about you? You felt a little upset but the thought of him talking about you made you feel warm immediately. He talked about you when he didn't know of her intentions, he had a gorgeous woman in front of him but he was only interested in talking about you.

"Fuckkk yeahh" you let out a noise of excitement. If your exes knew who you were seeing they would seethe and burn, nobody wants their exes to date someone better than them, and you were literally being blessed by a real god.

"Loki what was your first thought when you met her, I am sure it must have been terrifying especially since it was right after the chitauri attack and she must have been scared by your presence"

Well you were scared out of your mind at first but then he won you over with his calming personality.

Loki placed his fingers on his lips, a smile appeared on his lips as he thought about you, he didn't even look at Melissa before he answered.

"I often think about that and I wonder why I was taken there, the tesseract could have sent me anywhere in the universe but somehow It took me to that tiny little apartment in mi..New York City" he corrected himself immediately before he continued to speak "That space belonged to such a sweet precious angel and it is fearsome when I think of it now because a miniscule amount of deviation in time, even just a mere fraction of second could have diverted my destination but it knew, the tesseract knew, i suppose I ended up in the right place at the right time" his eyes glittered as he spoke and yours teared up. The studio audience cooed at his response so Melissa kissed his cheek.

"He wasn't talking about you dumbass" you groaned as you muttered to yourself.

At night you laid down on the bed with your phone stuck to your chest, you were waiting for his phone call desperately, you missed him already and it was killing you. As soon as your phone rang you picked it up,

"I thought you wouldn't call at all tonight"

"What?" You heard your mother's voice and your eyes widened, probably should have checked the number, you were glad you didn't say his name.

"Ummm hey mom you know i wanted to talk about the party, Mrs Geller invited you right?" You gulped.

"Yes, I'll just stay with you tomorrow night, David won't be able to join me" she mumbled so you hummed in response, you just hoped Mrs Geller wouldn't tell your mom anything about Loki. As she hung up you took a deep breath but your heard your phone ringing again so you picked it up, maybe she forgot to criticize you for something and remembered just now

"Yes mommmm" you heard him chuckling on the other side and your face flushed.

"Darling, I know your mother can be overbearing but replacing her with me is hardly the solution" he said to you so you chuckled in response

"I'm sorry I was just talking to her, i thought you wouldn't call tonight"

"Oh I promised, didn't i? I just got back to my chamber"

"Chamber huh"

"Rooooooom..happy? Is that better"

"Uh Huh"

"I have missed you princess"

"I have missed you more"

"Well that can be argued"

"I will win"

"Perhaps you will lose"

"Yeah how?"

He paused for a moment before he spoke again.

"Ohhh. Did you see me on the television today?"

"I might have"

"Well then I am afraid you have lost already"

"How come?" You giggled and it made him smile.

"Because you got to see me and you heard me speaking but I went all day long with just memories of you in my head" you bit on your cheek as he said that. Smooth fucker

"Okay I'll let you win this time"

"Thank you, I truly wish I was there darling "

"I know..me too. Good thing I stole your suit jacket last night"

"You devious woman, I need to learn this game, are you wearing it?"

"Mmmhmmm I am" your voice turned sultry and it made his breath hitch in his chest.

"Ohh norns "

"And I'm wearing nothing underneath" you mumbled and then you heard the sound of his telephone hitting the floor, his mouth opened wide as he pictured you on that tiny bed, with you wearing nothing but just his jacket.

"Lokiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" you whispered his name so he came back to reality.

"I am here, you have painted a sensuous picture for me"

"Mmmhmmm i didn't know this was going to be that type of phone call" his cock went hard as he heard your flirtatious voice, fortunately he didn't have to fix it with the charm this time, he can be as hard as he wanted and he could also touch himself.

"It doesn't have to be sweetheart"

"Goddddd you're cuteeee" you giggled and it made him smile. Your comfort came first always.

"Lokiii"

"Mhhhm"

"How do you look right now? Do you have clothes on?" He gulped again, how come a mortal made him so nervous?

"Just a trouser"

"That's nice, that's how I was picturing you anyways" your voice almost came out in whispers and he placed his free palm on his bulge to calm himself down. His mouth opened and eyes closed as he couldn't help but think of your half naked body underneath him.

"Can I ask you a dirty question?" You smiled as he said that.

"Mmmmhmmm go ahead"

"The jacket, are they buttoned all the way up or you left them unlatched, if I was to look at you right now would I see your bare skin?" He questioned softly and it almost threatened a moan to escape from your throat, the man you fancied and lusted after was thinking of you in such a way, it made you squeeze your thighs involuntarily.

"I left them all open lo"

"Norns darling you're killing me" his sexy husky voice melted in your ear and you pictured him right next to you

"And it smells like you lo, i smell like you, it's like you're right here holding me, whispering in my ear" you bit on your lips as you finished your sentence. His hand rubbed over his clothed bulge and then he realised something.

"Darling?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"You're not wearing my jacket are you?" He asked you so you chuckled.

"Would you be upset if I say no?"

"Not at all, you can have all the fun you desire, i fancy such harmless mischievous pranks, i wasn't named god of mischief for kicks and giggles"

"oh my god..So do I. Thank you, you really do get me" your eyes teared up at the intense emotions you were having at the moment, it was a mixture of arousal and the deep affection you felt for him. You were so in love with him.

"Mmmhmmm you're a naughty naughty girl, that is fascinating" you chuckled as he said that.

"Well at least you find me fascinating"

"You are amazing princess, never let anyone make you feel differently"

"Okayy if you say so"

You both talked for an hour, everytime you said something sexy his cock got hard immediately, he desperately wanted you to touch him but he had no problem staying patient as well, this thing between you two wasn't just romantic and definitely not just sexual, he needed your friendship and he wanted to be your confidante, your one and only, he just hoped his feelings were reciprocated. He always feared that he'd do something or say something that would turn you off and make you see him differently.

He took a deep breath and smiled, he was tired from the day but knowing that he wasn't going to lose you made him feel calm. He couldn't even describe in words how much he valued your presence in his life, the past month felt torturous for him, his heart felt empty and devoid of any emotion but since last night those cracks were starting to fill again with your care and possibly love. Did you love him? He hoped so because he was falling deeply and irrevocably for you. How could he not when you were nothing short of a goddess for him.

You said your goodbyes, though it wasn't something any of you wanted but you had to cut the call at some point and sleep. Next day you got ready for Mrs Geller's birthday party and you weren't expecting to see the whole building plus several other people you didn't know at all. It was a small apartment so that's why it looked even more crowded, your mom had come too and you looked at Mrs Geller nervously but she assured you that your secret was safe with her. .

You went to her kitchenette to make yourself a drink but you gasped as you felt a pair of arms circling around your waist.

You turned around and placed your hand on his chest, you couldn't see him but you knew he was there because you could touch him and you could definitely smell that scent of him that drove you crazy..

"What are you doing?" You asked him as quietly as you could, you made sure nobody was looking at you because they would definitely think you were a lunatic for talking to the air. He leaned closer to whisper in your ear. He was playing a dangerous game but you were into this game.

"I'm here to take revenge for last night, you lied to me sweetheart, you didn't think I'd let it slide so easily, did you?"

🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

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[jimblejamblewritings]

Our Violent Delights Will Not Have Violent Ends: The Twilight Saga Rewrite (Book 1, Twilight) | Part 1.

Summary: Y/N Swan is just like every other girl and she likes it that way. Normal is fantastic. Normal creates a functioning member of society. Normal is the reason she moved to a small town to live with her police officer father... only to find out that she gets the farthest thing from what she wanted. \\ This is a re-write of Twilight. Basically if I had been Stephenie Meyer and wrote Twilight. I will be combining some of the movie and book and the pace will be more like the movies. Not terribly high word count like the books. We might equal one book's word count when we finish doing all four of them. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings for the Series: light violence, light angst, light smut

Warnings for the Chapter: none

Pairing: Edward Cullen x reader, Jacob Black x reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Author's Note: If there are "I" written anywhere in the story, please let me know. I'm posting this story on Wattpad in the I form so I might forget to erase one or two here. Enjoy being casted in the feature role of Bella Swan. Let's go:

A police car pulled up in front of you as you waited outside Seattle-Tacoma International. To think, only four months ago you were trying to purchase plane tickets for spring break. Only you wanted to go to New York with the rest of your classmates. The last place you were ever thinking of was Washington. The state, not even D.C. 

And more importantly not Forks, Washington. But you promised your mom that you could handle this. The only thing worse than that small town for the entire year was traveling so much you might as well be homeschooled. When your mom remarried her now husband, Phil, he played baseball for the Phoenix team.

Phil’s good but he wasn’t good enough to be traded around. You thought your whole life would be Arizona. Until Florida called. And your sweet stepfather and lovingly erratic mother packed up everything before suddenly remembering you had school. So moving to Forks had been a you decision but you're not sure how good of a decision that was. 

The car in front of you rolled down its window until you could see your dad. Charlie flashed a smile that you struggled to return. He’s great. You've spent every single summer with him and almost every one of those summers was in Forks.

But two months is a lot different from the entire school year. You knew only a few people that would be going to Forks High School. A pang hit your heart when you thought about your friends again. You guys promised to call but you'd probably fall out of each other’s lives anyway. But you tried to smile once more, putting your suitcases in the back of the police car and pulling on a thick wool sweater over your shirt and overalls. 

As soon as you slid into the passenger seat, it started to rain — a stark reminder that this wasn’t Phoenix. 

You could feel Charlie’s head keep turning to the side to look at you. Like your dad in more ways than one, the start to small talk was awkward for you. The two of you went back and forth in a silent dance until Charlie saved you from speaking about the weather. 

“Your hair has gotten longer.” 

You grabbed a piece of your now shoulder length hair. Two years ago, in the spur of the moment, you had shaved your head to start over. It was the moment after that you decided you would never do that again. Charlie had to suffer the period of you not being able to look at yourself in the mirror. You looked like an egg. It took dedication but your hair was now long and damage free. 

“Yeah, I’ve tried to stop using heat completely. Except the blow dryer.” 

While starting small talk might have been difficult, once Charlie and you were talking no one could get you to stop. The conversation was still going as the car passed the ‘Welcome to Forks’ sign that should have read population: too damn small instead of an actual number — and even when we got out of the car and into the house. Your room wasn’t terribly different from other summers but you noticed drawers and wardrobes that weren’t there before. You guessed when one permanently moves they suddenly need storage for their things. Charlie even cleared more bathroom space. 

That was probably the one thing you hated about this house. One bathroom. Someone should have slapped the architect that ever suggested this… and then slap the builder that followed through anyway. 

You only unpacked the bare essentials for the next week or so. The rest could be slowly unpacked as time went on. Charlie helped for a few hours before doing his shuffle he does whenever he’s uncomfortable. All he could say was okay before leaving the room.

Even though you two can talk for hours, he’s still awkward to his core. You supposed that you should be happy as a teenager that he doesn’t hover. He never has. You used to think it was because being a cop made him busy all the time and he just developed the habit. As the years went on, it became more apparent that it was just his personality. 

A car honk right outside the window caught your attention. You looked through the glass to see an orange pickup truck and some of the only two faces in town that were familiar to you. Your feet carried you out the door before you were even aware until you crashed right into a boy with hair longer than yours, roughly your height, and only a few months younger in age. 

“Woah, Y/N/N, slow down before you hurt yourself. You know you can't be trusted on your own two feet. I'm surprised you're still standing right now or is it just because I'm holding you up.” Jacob said as he gave you a smile. 

“Whatever, dick."

"Whoa, Y/F/N. Language when you're standing right in front of me," Dad interjected but he didn't look that offended.

"Sorry... Hi, Billy.” 

“Hi, Y/N. Glad you’re back and here to stay. Charlie wouldn’t shut up about it since you told him.” 

Your dad rolled his eyes. “Keep talking and I’ll roll that wheelchair right into the middle of the road.” 

“Not before I ram you in the ankles.” 

You and Jacob’s dads abandoned you to play fight in the road. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. 

“I’m glad to see they’re still behaving like that.” 

“Oh, yeah. Days go by and nothing’s different. It's getting worse with old age actually, I'm convinced that's why Mom is always on business trips… So, do you like your present?” 

You turned to face Jacob. “Hmm?” 

He patted the truck just as your dads came back. Your eyes went wide and your lips twitched until they formed a large smile. 

“Are you serious? This is perfect! Dad, you didn’t have to get me a car.” 

Charlie shrugged. “I work late sometimes and thought that your personal autonomy was very important.” 

He’s trying to sound like a parent that actually read the child psychology books. The why he bought me a car didn’t matter. It was the fact that he just did. A truck didn’t exactly fit my aesthetic but something about vintage ones totally did.

"Don't worry, I worked on it myself. Everything's perfect," Jacob said.

"You did this? By yourself now? Jake, what the heck. That's crazy you're doing it on your own now. Why are you so amazing?"

Before anyone could actually answer you, you whipped open the door and sat inside. You remembered this truck very well from playing in it since you and Jake were four. Billy had this thing for at least seventeen years. The first thing you noticed were the new leather seats. They were pink instead of gray. The second thing you noticed was the engine’s sound. Smoother than it had ever sounded before. 

Jacob opened the passenger door, hopping in to show you how the car operated. He was a genius at fixing cars and trucks. You wouldn’t be surprised if he owned his own mechanic shop some day. 

“And that’s it.” He patted the steering wheel. “If anything breaks, let me know.” 

“Thank you! God, I’m so glad I have one recognizable face at school.” 

“You’ve only been missed two summers. Did you already forget I don’t go to Forks?” 

“Right.” 

Jake, like most of the Quileute kids, went to a high school on the reservation in La Push. People weren’t as judgmental when they all shared something common. There they could wear their hair long, tell folklore stories without getting made fun of, or try speaking little words here and there of Quileute so the language doesn’t die with their great grandparents.

All things you would have loved to be part of or just sit on the sidelines and observe. Maybe you should have complained to Charlie until you went there. Now you couldn’t leech off of Jacob and had to actually make friends on your own. Disgusting. 

Your sentiments didn’t change as you got in the truck and headed to school. You were assigned a parking space the moment you transferred. Unlucky you, you were stuck in the front parking lot.

So much for leaving to go get a better lunch than whatever grub they were going to serve at the cafeteria. Charlie worked too much to even think about asking him to get you something. And you couldn’t ask him to cook either. He’s not really shit at it. It's just his taste buds suck. So unless you wanted to text him a specific lunch menu each Sunday, it was Russian Roulette of lunch. That was too much work. Charlie thinks salami and grapes belong on the same piece of Nutella and butter toast. 

When you finally found the parking space, after three circles around, you turned off the engine and found a bunch of eyes greeting you. Lots of them. That’s what being the new kid in a small town gets a person. The eyes stopped staring once you got out of your truck — they needed a face to match the name Bella Swan. 

“Nice ride,” a black boy in a red hoodie said as he nodded at your car. 

“Thanks, just got it.” 

“Cool.” 

You didn’t exchange any other words before you entered the building. You stared at the paper schedule, trying to memorize classrooms and the stupid tiny map in the corner. An arm suddenly tapped your shoulder. 

“You’re Y/F/N Swan, right? Our new girl.” 

You turned to your right to see an Asian boy with a black polo shirt and the most emo haircut you've seen in a while. You took a double take at his outfit and then at the outfits of your peers around you. Suddenly, you were feeling terribly overdressed.

Your thrifted Burberry monogram poncho doubled as a blanket that you would inevitably need because it sat on top of a long sleeved black mini dress. Was it impractical for January in Washington? Probably. But fashion made everything work. At least you had worn snow boots. 

“Yeah. It’s just Y/N by the way.” 

“Just Y/N. Got it. Well, hi, I’m Eric and your eyes and ears of this place. Anything happens and I know about it. If you need a tour guide, shoulder to cry on, or lunch date then I’m your man.” 

Eric made conversation naturally, no small talk in sight. Kind of like Jacob. You chuckled. “I’ll take a rain check on the lunch date but I do need to find room 33C.” 

“Let me lead the way.” 

He started to lead you down the hallway and to a set of stairs. “So, why move to Forks?” 

“I’m not a baseball girl.” 

Eric snapped his fingers. “Perfect tagline for your spread. I’m the editor-in-chief of the paper and you are front page news.” 

“Oh… Just the front page right? I mean I don’t mind the paper but more than two pages and I’ll transfer.” 

“Got it. Spread killed, feature only. And here’s your stop.” 

“Thank you so much.” 

“I’ll be back for whatever other classes you need to find.” 

True to his word, Eric came back and led you to all my morning classes, including the dreaded P.E. You didn’t hate exercise. You just hated whatever wasn’t pilates or a Jane Fonda workout. Besides, you were never good at P.E. anyway. The testament to that was the gym teacher thinking you should do the volleyball exercises with some of the other girls. 

You flinched as the ball came towards you. It didn’t go back over the net. Instead, it hit my calculus desk partner, Mike Newton, in the back of the head. 

“Sorry!” you yelled as you sped away to hide in the locker room until lunch period. 

Mike seemed to forget about it when lunch came. He talked your ear off all the way into the cafeteria. You had forgotten that a small town wouldn’t be like Phoenix. Everyone wanted to talk to the new kid. Whether they were friends or not was yet to be determined. But Mike was a gentleman. He pulled out your seat for you. 

“Thank you.” 

“My pleasure, Madame.” 

Eric laughed. “Mikey, glad you met my girl Y/N.” 

“Oh, your girl?”

“Excuse me, my girl. We even bonded over cars,” The black boy from earlier rubbed your hair in fake affection before pulling the chair out from under Mike. 

“You’re so dead, Tyler!” he yelled as they ran after him. 

The two girls at your table gave a mix of a laugh and a scoff. A girl with a chunky pink headband slid over a juice carton from her tray. 

“Sorry about that. It’s like kindergarten all over again, isn’t it? You’re the shiny new toy. Hi, I’m Jessica by the way.” 

“Oh, almost forgot,” the other girl with glasses picks up a camera. “Smile!” 

The flash blinded me for a moment. “Woah.” 

“Sorry, I need some candids for the spread.” 

“The spread is dead, Angela,” Eric said in an oddly defensive tone. “Don’t bring it up again… I got your back, babe.” 

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from your throat. Eric left, leaving you, Jessica, and Angela at the table. Angela set her camera down. 

“Great, now what am I supposed to do about filling up the rest of the newspaper? I can’t do another editorial on teen drinking. It’d be the third time.” 

“You could always run a psa on eating disorders,” you tried to offer an option. “Or um… padding on the swim team?” 

The other girls looked at you and for a moment you thought you said something completely wrong but they began laughing. You caught bits of the conversation as you focused on my food: some of the guys bragging about their sizes that seemed totally fake, speedos fitting improperly, and wondering if they only pad for school pictures. 

Going back to the conversation, a glimpse at the window caught your eye before you could speak. Five people walked like this school was a runway. 

“Who are they?” you asked. 

Jessica dropped her fork on her tray, ready to tell you everything. “The Cullens. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen’s foster kids.”

The names were ones you couldn't remember hearing while visiting over the summers. They were either new kids or never came around La Push. One thing you couldn’t deny was that they were all attractive. And the shorter girl had wicked fashion sense. She strutted by like the rest of them in her thin and flowy white maxi skirt with a chunky black sweater and heels entirely too high for you to ever try wearing. You felt almost entranced just looking at them.

“They’re all like together,” Jessica continued. “Rosalie, the blonde one, yeah she’s with the big one, Emmett. Like a thing.”

“Jess, they’re not actually related,” Angela quickly interjected.

“Yeah I know, but it’s still kinda weird that they live together, don’t you think? Anyway, the small dark-haired girl Alice is with Jasper. He’s the one that always looks like he’s in pain. The two blondes are actually siblings, Mrs. Cullen’s niece and nephew or something like that.”

“Dr. Cullen’s like this foster dad matchmaker.”

“Maybe, he’ll adopt me,” Angela said.

You chuckled. If Dr. Cullen was such a matchmaker then you’d have to tell Charlie goodbye.

“What about him?” you motioned to the last guy left. He walked ahead of his foster siblings like he was the leader or something. 

“Edward? Totally hot, supposedly single. No one here seems good enough for him. Don’t waste your time. Like I care, just don’t waste your time.” 

“Trust me, wasn’t planning on it.” 

You knew that Jessica could have a skewed perspective. Maybe something happened between the two of them but Angela seemed to agree with her. This Edward probably was nothing but bad news and trouble.

You dared myself to look at their table again. Your eyes squinted when you saw their trays. Nothing looked touched. When you looked up, all five of them were staring at you. You whipped your head around and didn’t dare look back again until after lunch. 

Thankfully, the classes you had right after lunch didn’t have any of them… until bio class. The teacher, Mr. Donoghue motioned for you to sit at the only empty seat that happened to be next to Edward. You nodded and began moving to the chair. A chill ran down you spine and you shivered as the chill pierced your back. Edward stiffened up at the same time. 

You scowled as he held his hand over his mouth and nose. You had taken a shower, put on nice perfume, lotioned, and wore nice jewelry. There was absolutely no way you smelled. His hand stayed over the lower part of his face the entire class period. Even when he had to hand over material, he pushed them to you with a pencil. The moment the bell rang, Edward was gone. Good riddance. 

Mr. Donoghue signed the last spot in my slip saying you made it to class successfully and now you could give it to the receptionist. You paused in the doorway after seeing someone’s back but it was too late. The receptionist had seen you. 

“Just a moment, dear.” 

The person with the back turned around to reveal a troubled face. He grabbed his coat. “Never mind, I’ll just have to endure it.” 

You rolled your eyes, handed in you slip and went to your truck. Edward was a total douche. Yet you couldn’t shake the feeling that we’d be seeing each other more often than you’d like. Probably more often than he’d like as well. 

Charlie wasn’t finished working when school was over but had enough time for a dinner break. His friend, Waylan, brought takeout from Subway. You didn’t remember Waylan very well. He left for most of the summer each year to visit his kids and grandkids that left Washington. You all moved stuff around on Charlie’s desk to clear space so you could eat. You had a Spicy Italian sub while the two of them ate BLTs. The two of them shared a different sentiment about the Cullens when you asked them. 

Unlike the kids at school, they had nothing but praise. The Cullens weren’t weird but mature and well-rounded teenagers. And Dr. Cullen was the best surgeon they’ve had… and he stayed past one year which is an accomplishment. Certain jobs like doctors and lawyers always come from out of town. Most leave after one or two years, not able to handle the slow pace of this green and gray town. 

Soon, Charlie and Waylan talked in the most stereotypical old man fashion that you had actually checked out of the conversation. Your cellphone rang as you grabbed a potato chip from the small bag that came with your sandwich. 

“That’s Mom, I’m gonna take this.” 

“Tell your mom I said hi, Y/N/N.” 

You nodded as you walked away.  

~~

The next day at school, Edward wasn’t there. You had planned to confront him and find out what his problem was when he didn’t even know you. You weren't exactly popular back in Phoenix but no one had any issues with you. Never. 

However, his siblings were there. Not that you were going to approach them. Your problem was their brother not them and you weren't trying to make enemies in such a small town. You watched them walk into the building as you leaned against your truck. You turned when something hit your back. 

“Y/N!” 

You laughed as you looked at the Twizzler on the ground. “Seriously, Tyler? How dare you waste good food,” you said as you grabbed your bag and walked over to where the kids you met yesterday were all crowded around what you assumed was Tyler’s van. 

He shrugged. “I would hardly call Twizzlers the peak of fine dining.” 

We all walked inside at the start of a bell ringing. The day had been pleasant without your science partner. And the next day was the same when he didn’t show up again. And the next day until the entire week had gone by without Edward showing his face. 

Your first week of school was lucky. You had missed any torrential rain. But you couldn’t say the same for that Monday. The only thing worse than rain was rain when it was below freezing outside. Your front steps were covered in ice. Your phone rang as you closed the house door.

"Hey, Jake... First week done, somewhat a success. Hey, when is Spring Break for you guys? We should totally start coordinating now if we want to try and leave town."

Despite being careful as you talked, you must have stepped incorrectly because before you knew it, your butt had gone down the last three concrete steps leading away from your door and to your driveway. 

“Woah, woah, Y/N/N. Are you okay?” Charlie asked as he helped you up. 

“Yeah, just fine, Dad. Ice isn’t exactly helpful to the severely uncoordinated.” 

“That’s why I got new tires for you. The old ones were getting pretty bald.” 

“Thank you.” 

You both high-fived before getting into your respective cars and leaving. It felt like you were already used to the routine of Forks when you pulled into your parking spot and found yourself automatically going to Tyler’s van. You sat with Jessica, Angela, Eric, or Mike whenever you had class and swapped snacks with Tyler in between every morning class because your lockers were right next to each other. And the group always walked to lunch together. 

“Salad or Sandwich… Hello? Earth to Y/N?” 

You blinked to see Jess snapping her fingers in front of you. “Sorry.” 

“We wanted to know what you wanted? The lines are backing up so we’re splitting up and tackling stations.” 

“Nice, divide and conquer the cafeteria.” 

“The Vikings got nothing on us.” 

“As long as the only thing we’re conquering and pillaging are those sandwiches.” 

“Absolutely. They might have had great hair but I'm not interested. So, ham and cheese, turkey, or those stupid cucumber ones that no one likes?” 

“Hey, I like them!” 

Jess laughed and walked to her designated line. Mike and you were in charge of gathering everyone’s desserts and soups. Three wanted brownies and three wanted chocolate chip cookies, four wanted tomato soup and two wanted chicken noodle. You all wanted saltine crackers. Every now and then, you looked over your shoulder at what made you stop in you tracks. Edward was back. 

And your biology class was the first class after lunch.  

(part 2) ...

THIS FIC TAGLIST:

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@venomsvl @peaches-n-sunscreen @summerellaz @supernaturallover2002 @sambucky8 @9daykrisr @thebitchinleo @23victoria @scarlets-widow @pagetpagetpagetpaget @lovexnatasha @awesomebooklover17 @1234-angelika @imatrisk @blackreaderatrisk @princess-jules47 @alexloveskili @a-marie-a @siriuslysirius1107​ @i-have-no-life-charlie

[minusboy]

do you have any fic recs?

yes i do! here's a few recent-ish reads i really enjoyed. i've sorted them by length for you, but they're not otherwise organised or limited. (a lot of these are also rated mature or above so use your own discretion.)

this ended up being a lot longer than i originally intended so i'm putting them under the cut. this post also serves as my (un)official appreciation letter to everyone on this list. big fan ^_^ <3

>20k words all brutal mirrors cracked by intimatopia - started almost whimsical, then devastated me, then gently kissed me on the forehead 

close your eyes (soon we’ll me home) by @eratosword - made me cry several happy tears. god bless.

castles out of couches by halfbloom - an old favourite i keep going back to what can i say.

like bullets on skin by @littencloud9 - hands. soooo tender aughh..

ode to the dying stars by urranus - very soft and bittersweet, inspired by the orange by wendy cope. again: obsessed. 

brick by brick, rebuild us by @zukkaoru - probably the first fic i read from grace and i still go back to it. what can i say i'm a sucker for a post corruption fic. captured the dynamic very well.

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20k+ words

silver soul by @nacaharachuya - absolutely gorgeous worldbuilding, had me mesmerized from the start and kept it up until the very end 

music for our funeral by @itowhotypes - read this a while back but this was phenomenal and the level of detail was absolutely incredible 

when i awake by @wildflowerteas - destroyed me, put me back together again, destroyed me. then rinse and repeat several times.

emergency number by @valleykey - found this maybe two weeks ago? was intrigued, started reading and did not put it down once before i was finished. obsessed. 

and a couple of series for fun: - the symbitoic series by @bnesszai - i love everything ness writes but i read this series way before we were friends and still i'm obsessed with it so it deserves a mention - lost remnants series by kanekei - gorgeous and devastating, but mind the warnings bonus: normally i wouldn’t recommend a wip however navarasam has an entire chapter dedicated to (very successfully) hitting me where it hurts so how could i not. thank u vi @starrynightarchive.

[grapenehifics]

Countdown to Chapter One!

My fellow Obikins: I am very, VERY excited to share my next fic with you. Some of you may remember a fic of mine called An Uncivil War, the first chapter of which I posted on AO3 almost exactly a year ago, in May of 2023, and wrapped up that July. At the time, I mentioned to a number of people in the comments that I was already partway through the sequel (An Uncivil War is listed as part one of a three-part series, Can't Stop the Suns), and that I hoped to have Part II ready to go by end of 2023.

Well, that obviously didn't happen. I started looking at February 2024. That didn't happen either. I pushed it to April. April has come and gone. May, though! May I am going to make happen! May 27th, 2024, to be exact. Chapter one of Pick Up the Pieces, a.k.a. part 2 of Can't Stop the Suns, a.k.a. the sequel to An Uncivil War, a.k.a. the thing I have been writing on and off for more than three years now, is going up on AO3. (Excerpt and way more ramblings below the cut.)

A) I wanted to make this announcement in advance because I'm just really excited to share this fic. Parts of it I've posted on Tumblr as WIP Wednesdays, but most of it I've tried to keep under wraps until it's ready and, frankly, I really want to talk about it!

B) @palfriendpatine66 specifically asked for a heads-up before I started posting, but I figured I'd share publicly in case anyone else has the same desire to read (or re-read) part one before starting part two. May 27th is the day!

I do want to say, though - prior knowledge of An Uncivil War is NOT required to understand or enjoy this fic. If you haven't read An Uncivil War, I would really love it if you did! I'm enormously proud of it and love, love, love talking about it. But I also don't want anyone to not give Pick Up the Pieces a try, assuming they were otherwise interested, because they're worried they won't understand what's going on. If you want to jump in, make sure you read the tags and the summary, and by the time you get to chapter three you should have a pretty good grounding in what happened previously. Obviously there are some little details here and there you'll miss but for the most part you should be okay. I did try to make it as accessible as possible.

C) Thirdly - mostly as a reward for reading this far - I thought it would be fun, over the next three Wednesdays, to give a sneak peek of one of the later chapters, because I've really missed doing regular WIP Wednesdays for this fic (for the aforementioned secrecy reasons).

The main part of the fic is set during what would have been the final year of the Clone Wars, except we take a departure from canon during the season 5 episode The Wrong Jedi and diverge off-course from there. Mixed in with that, though, are flashback chapters, covering some portion of Anakin's years as Obi-Wan's Padawan, which have just been a blast to write. They go in roughly chronological order, and this one in particular is set when Anakin is 17. I'll post a little bit today, the next part a week from today, the final section the week after that, and then you'll get the rest of it when chapter ten goes up in the actual fic :)

Chapter Ten preview starts below:

“Uh…” Anakin looked down at his cards and bit his lip. “Hit me?” he asked tentatively. The three other players around the table blinked slowly back at him. He reached out and flipped the top card of the table deck over, letting the rest of the players see it. “Damnit,” he hissed through his teeth.

“Tough luck, boy,” boomed the Besalisk on Anakin’s right, the one he was most worried about getting a peek at his cards. “That makes twenty-two.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Anakin snapped, frustrated. He tossed his cards face-down in front of him. “Don’t remind me.”

Anakin was losing, and quite badly at that. He really needed to slow down and stop the bleeding or Obi-Wan was going to catch him not only gambling, but totally out of credits, too, and he would not be happy about it.

“I’m going to take a break,” Anakin said suddenly, standing up so quickly his chair squeaked. “I’ll sit out this round. Be right back.” He scooped the (very meager) pile of credits he had left to his name into his hand and pocketed them before walking away. What he really wanted to do was take a quick minute to check the chronometer strapped to his wrist without any of them seeing him do it, but needing to take a walk was as good an excuse as any.

He didn’t leave the Castle (Takodana was a little too humid for Anakin’s liking), just took a slow lap around the edges of it, checking out the other gambling tables, the billiards games, the tourists, the regulars, the spacers, the spice runners, the spice addicts, the smugglers. The people who, if he hadn’t become a Jedi, probably would have been his friends and his enemies, his rivals, his contemporaries. His lovers, maybe.

The lower levels of Takodana Castle had once been an ancient Jedi temple, a fact Obi-Wan had mentioned rather a few more times than strictly necessary on their trip over from Coruscant. It had been built on the site of an even more ancient battleground, where Jedi and Sith had fought one another centuries – maybe a millennia – ago. The Jedi had won, that time, and built the original Takodana Temple as a kind of memorial. Anakin let the tips of his fingers trail over the wet, warm stone walls as he walked, feeling to see if he could catch any whispers of the old voices. Old hurts, old betrayals, old war wounds…

He had started doing this thing, about a year or so back. He had discovered, largely by accident (not that Jedi were supposed to believe in accidents, just The Will of the Force, and all that), that he could, rather paradoxically, up the ante on his meditation skills by upping the ante on his distractions. He’d been filling in for Obi-Wan, who was supposed to have been taking a turn sitting in with a group of the youngest Younglings but had been called away at the last minute (or so he had said, at least; Anakin still wasn’t totally sure he believed him). Anakin had tried to keep to the Younglings’ schedule, which included a quarter of an hour of daily mandated meditation time. Younglings not being particularly good at meditation (they were worse at it than Anakin was, which was really saying something), they’d lasted only about half that time before starting to get fidgety. It had started small – a few coughs here and there, a couple of giggles, wiggling on their mats – and then had progressed from there to full-blown chaos. Anakin was supposed to be setting an example, though, and was determined to sit still, keep his eyes closed, and ignore everything that wasn’t an outright cry for medical attention until the allotted time was up.

What he had found, though, was that it was actually one of his better meditation sessions. The noisier the room got, the more relaxed Anakin got. He’d eventually opened his eyes to find one Youngling on his lap, another chewing on his Padawan braid, and a third hanging from the ceiling rafters, but had felt…calm and at peace and a little floaty, but also grounded, connected to the Force, the air, even the children. He’d asked Obi-Wan about it later that night over dinner. Obi-Wan had suggested they meditate over it, which made Anakin roll his eyes because he already had meditated today, that was the whole thing he wanted to talk to Obi-Wan about, and how much meditation did a person need every day, really? But after they ate he’d dutifully sat down across from Obi-Wan and closed his eyes anyway. Obi-Wan had reached out and taken Anakin’s hands in his, which almost made up for the double meditation session. (Almost.)

And then, just as Anakin was starting to settle into something resembling regulating his breathing, something hard and poky had slammed into the side of his head.

“Ow!” he’d said, reflexively, and opened his eyes. Obi-Wan’s datapad was lying on the floor beside him. Obi-Wan himself was still sitting serenely, holding Anakin’s hands.

“What the kriff did you do that for?” Anakin demanded.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan had said, without opening his eyes, “I thought you said you liked having distractions while you meditated.”

“Not painful ones!” Anakin shot back.

“Apologies.” The holopad, from the floor, flicked on and started replaying whatever the last thing either of them had watched on it, which happened to be a nature documentary about tee-muss. “Is that better?”

Anakin grumbled about it, but he had, sort of, asked for this, and admitting defeat now would be both embarrassing and would necessitate him letting go of Obi-Wan’s hands, so he closed his eyes and tried again.

Of course, the first thing he had to do was release the pain in his head into the Force, but once he’d done that, he found that, once again, sifting through his distractions was easier when he actually had distractions to sift through. He let the migratory patterns of wild tee-muss go, and felt Obi-Wan squeeze his hands. “Good, Anakin,” he murmured softly, so quietly Anakin almost couldn’t hear him over the documentary narrator. “That’s very good.” (Anakin had replayed the moment in his head, putting that voice of Obi-Wan’s into different and much more…naked contexts, so many times since then that he could get hard just thinking about it, now.)

So Anakin had started to experiment, on and off. He turned the holoprojector on in their rooms while he was meditating. He sat in the corner of the refectory and meditated during mealtimes. Once, he tried meditating during galactic history class, but his teacher had ratted him out to Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan had told him not to do that anymore. And, now, he wanted to see if he could do it while inside Takodana Castle on a bustling summer afternoon.

To be continued next Wednesday!

[itwoodbeprefect]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

i wanted to take a moment to reflect on the past year and bring it to a nice close, so i took to tumblr search and google to see if there was some sort of tag game going around. i frankensteined this list of questions from a few different versions of what was probably originally the same thing, but the nature of The Website of course makes it impossible to locate an original, so this is me just sort of, well, joining the fun by starting a parallel thread.

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Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 73,947, but this is a little deceptive because all the words for A flip-flop state of mind currently get counted for 2023, so it's probably something closer to 45-50k

fics posted: 21, which will eventually go down to 19 when i update the two multi-chapter works and they get sorted into the new year

first fic: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream Throuple [Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)]

last fic: Bases loaded, do your dance [h50]

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Ships and Fandoms ⚓

ao3 tells me the following:

Starsky & Hutch (8)

Hawaii Five-0 (2010) (7)

Ted Lasso (TV) (2)

Stargate Atlantis (1)

Hard Core Logo (1996) (1)

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948) (1)

Top Gun (Movies) (1)

and for each of those it's probably the ship you most expect if you know the thing (and the way fandom works), except maybe ted lasso (both fics are keeley/roy/jamie) and sga (a gen team fic, no ships).

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Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

no big surprises here. ted lasso was easily the biggest fandom i've written for this year (not to mention that these two fics had the good fortune of being posted very soon after the finale), followed by h50 long before s&h comes on the scene:

How To Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) [ted lasso]

Honey honey, how you thrill me (Honey honey, nearly kill me) [ted lasso]

A flip-flop state of mind [h50]

Oh, kiss me like the final meal (Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight) [h50]

Something old, something new [h50]

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Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

these are in no particular order!

3 AM, the time when most people die - this is a hard core logo (1996 canadian movie) fic which just kind of Happened, and it hung around on ao3 for a solid few days in a 0 kudos 10 hits sort of state, which had me giggling every time i thought about it. 2023 goal of writing for me, myself & i achieved (0 kudos on a fic)! ✅ (that said, it does also bring me great joy to see that the number is upwards of zero now. lovely to see an obscure thing find its audience. <3)

Your hands in my back pockets - a starsky/hutch fic, and in some ways the opposite to the previous one. i had a "this is alright" sort of feeling about it when i hit post, and the (lovely! very flattering!) way people responded to it surprised me somewhat. reading it back now, i don't know what bothered me about it at first - it's nice, it flows, it's all good! plus, i really like the title. it's a good s/h title.

POV: It’s a lovely day, you’re sipping a refreshing cold drink on your 70s apartment balcony, and the upstairs neighbor who always waters the sago palm outside your front door when you forget about it has that one friend over and his windows wide open. - this is a starsky/hutch all dialogue fic, and it was just plain fun! very easy to write, thankfully not hard to read, and the title is completely ridiculous in a way that still gives me a kick.

How To Build A Triangle (or accidentally fall headlong into one, or whatever the fuck) - can't not mention this one, i think. it's the roy/jamie/keeley ted lasso fic i wrote in record time (for me), and i had a blast doing that and i think that's palpable in the end result. i have warm memories of this!

Oh, kiss me like the final meal (Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight) - h50! steve/danny! they'd gotten swamped by all the starsky/hutch in 2022, but they made a minor comeback this past year. and again, this fic was just plain fun - a scene that really needed the mcdanno rewrite, and i'm glad it happened, and that it decided to flow so smoothly it grew twice as long as intended. the gag with the gun is still good, the banter works, and i like "it tastes like a laugh".

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Fandom Fic Events 🤝

my knee-jerk first thought was none, which would have been a blatant lie for this year! i wrote a fic for the SHareCon (starsky/hutch con) zine, which is currently still zine-only but will appear on ao3 at some point in the future, and i also wrote something for this year's Starsky & Hutch Advent Calendar, which can be found here (which will also lead you to all the other lovely advent calendar gifts of 2023 and previous years!). neither of these things would have happened if starsky & hutch fandom hadn't been such a warm, welcoming, unbelievably well-organized space. <3

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Projects for 2024 👀

oh god. oh god i have so many things on the grill.

the end of 2023 was a stretch of time where i did write some, and at times even a very decent amount, but nothing seemed to be getting finished - which was annoying for a bit, and then sort of petered out into oh well. it'll happen, eventually, when it wants to. which means that currently i have a whole bunch of nearly finished things for a whole bunch of fandoms:

bad buddy - should this be top of the list? who knows. but oh, i need to write something for this - i have to, i need to, you know. it's just that it's turning out to be more of a challenge than most new things i start writing for, because i do feel i have a reasonable grip on the characters, but the fact that it's a thai series which i'm only consuming through fan-generated subtitles is clashing with some of the fundamentals of how i usually write fic, as it turns out. usually i watch a thing and then mimic character voices to write a section of (probably mostly, maybe only) dialogue, which then gets filled out with descriptions and an actual setting later on. the problem with bad buddy is that i love, love subtitles, and i love, love the people who write them, but they do (understandably! naturally!) lead to some very clunky english at times, and i just can't write things like "are you chickened out, fierce eyes". i cannot. which means i need to half-invent the right english character voice (and how that blends with the little i know of thai speaking patterns and customs), which takes away the thing i usually lean on way more heavily than i previously realized i did, so. it's a journey! it's an experiment! i'm learning things! i'm making choices! and i'm pumped about it but it's also REALLY slowing down the bad buddy fic production.

starsky & hutch - many things are happening! many many! they're just happening slowly. there's one particular fic about starsky and hutch comfortably out at a party and hutch fielding questions about names which has been 98% done for a month or two, but i need one (1) more connective paragraph to wrap things up, and apparently i'm in no hurry. and i love that for me, at the same time as i'm tempted to flick my brain and go Do It. Just Do It. oh god, and then there's a much older comedy fic stuck in close to the same situation only there it's 95% and the missing part is the end, which is at least a little more serious, and there are. i think literally a dozen probably. things that are cooking, bubbling, making interesting little noises. it's yet to be seen which of those turn out tasty.

h50 - there are some shorter wips here that have great potential to go somewhere, but mostly i want to finally (finally!) wrap up a flip-flop state of mind, which only needs finishing touches (albeit a bunch of them) on the final chapter, and then maybe 200 more words for the short epilogue to round things out. i had somewhat hoped to get that done before the new year, but it didn't work out that way, and i'm at peace with it - the longer this fic takes, the more comical my initial estimate of "i can probably get this done within the month" becomes. and after that's done, i can refocus my energy on Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola, another ill-fated plan which i Will see through (while also enjoying myself), dammit, but i think for that one i'll need to pre-write the whole thing before i start posting again or i'll just keep going in circles.

nashville - it's been a while since my rewatch, so i'm not sure it will ever really come together, but i have a fun little 5+1 will/gunnar thing which lives half in a google docs file and half in my heart. could be nice!

sga - there's One Fic that's near done and has a few turns of phrase in it that keep making me go "oh, this might be worth finishing, actually" every time i return to it, but i think i'll need to let that happen a few more times before we actually get there. there's also a light and comedy-ish aro/ace john fic (heavily featuring john&rodney and john&team) on a low boil. i think that one might need to wait for me to rewatch the show at some point so i'm correctly immersed in the Vibes of it all, but it's very dear to me, so it still gets a permanent In Progress label.

due south - there's one particular thing that i might get back to? maybe. it could happen. @redgoldblue's dedicated live reporting on their due south watch, as well as their ds fic, did stir something in my brain.

other - there's literally two paragraphs of hard core logo fic kicking around in my notes which might turn into something some day. (when i started writing 3AM those new words were intended to blend with the two existing paragraphs, but they never did.) there's some ted lasso that can still be considered wip, but my ted lasso fic moment burned bright and short, it seems, though it's nice to know the framework is there if i ever do a rewatch. oh man, and there's a weird homoerotic over the top (because that's what this canon is) tango & cash wip which i hope will make it across the finish line some day, but i wouldn't be surprised if in the end that's, like. coming to an ao3 page near you soon! in 2026.

-

Tagging ✨

tag any number of people you want as far as i'm concerned (which can be zero! that's a valid number), but i haven't spotted this going around in my fandom circles yet, so i'll shoot for some good coverage: @redgoldblue @luredin @actingcamplibrarian @stephmcx @pterawaters @the-arya-silvertongue @logicgunn @incognito-insomniac @dedkake @spaceradars @spurious @sparrowsarus @flownwrong @theroseandthebeast @jimmyandthegiraffes @soleadita @ivycross @murphyhatesme @bgharison @thekristen999 @cowandcalf @msbeeinmybonnet @ruztyryan and you, reading this. i fully tagged myself to do this, so please don't feel shy about doing the same! i really do want to read your answers, if you feel like giving them.

obviously there's no pressure, and also feel free to modify this any way you want! give different stats, list top 5 by hits instead of kudos, name just one favorite fic, add in fics you only posted to tumblr rather than ao3, skip a category or invent a new one or throw the whole thing out and only reflect on a single piece of writing in more detail - it's all fair game, as long as it suits you.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Your CC Warfare fic legit had me stressing out so bad I thought I was feeling a genuinely new emotion, lol. That whole thing was like a really bad car crash: it's terrible what happened, but you can't look away. If Strongarm had just said nothing, she would've avoided putting her foot in her mouth and getting in trouble. With how tense everything was, I see no reason why she would jump in. I understand she was trying to help Sideswipe out of that situation, but she did it in like the complete opposite direction! She should've reared him in, not back him up. She said it herself that they were war veterans. Though, I suppose that's easier said. Strongarm may be intelligible of the war records and Autobot law, but truthfully, plain intelligence pales in the face of wisdom and actual experience. Intelligence says: this war could've easily been won because of xyz. Wisdom and experience say completely otherwise. And I guess that is one of the points Optimus is trying to make: that Strongarm and Sideswipe do not have the wisdom or experience to understand exactly why things played out the way they did. I have the feeling the two simply looked at the war records itself and not any history that came before, especially Optimus' involvement with Megatron's revolution. I don't know if that would make much of a difference for Sideswipe tbh but I think Strongarm would be able to see just a little why Optimus couldn't outright kill Megatron in the beginning like Sideswipe said he should've. Even so, going back to the records itself , it won't contain legitimately every single thing that happened. It probably only recorded decisive battles and notable events. Billions of people were involved, and with that many variables, it would be impossible to say that the war could've been won if only Optimus did something sooner. WHICH BY THE WAY MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE. Sideswipe (and by extension Strongarm) is basically saying that Optimus is personally responsible for dragging on an intergalactic war just because he didn't off one guy as if the most wicked bots in the face of existence werent out there making lives worse on purpose under the cover of the war and would help stretch it to continue their sick actions. As if there weren't a hundred other Megatrons ready to continue the war themselves the moment Megatron died. If I could write an essay on every reason why the war dragged on, I'll be writing until I die and never come close to finishing. Even within the small game Optimus planned there are obvious reasons why it wouldn't be a quick or easy victory if they even win: limited number of fighters (no guarantee they'd hit the max min bc rallying people to fight is difficult), no details until they got to Helex (you're not always going to know what your goal is when being sent out to fight), no resources from the state (war is expensive and getting funding is difficult). So imagine that plus way more reasons plus on a planetary scale. The scope is simply unfathomable. Anyways, I think this comment has gone on long enough lol. Excellent work as always and I'm excited but also incredibly nervous to see how this all plays out. Take care!

YOU ARE PICKING UP WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN!!!

This whole fic is one giant show. Optimus wants the idiots under Bee's control to LEARN. You've already picked up the logical reasoning behind the rules he's laid down so far. And let me tell you, its only going to get more complicated. War is a difficult and unpredictable thing. Optimus is going to make that as real as possible in this non-lethal scenario.

Is it overkill? Maybe. But if even those serving under Bumblebee don't have the barest inkling of the truth? It hints at a FAR larger problem. I am going to have so much fun writing this thing. I want to get a few chapters stockpiled and then I will post them on Ao3 and continue there :3

Thank you for enjoying my writing and giving this lovely analysis. This sort of things makes my dad and encourages me to write more.

[bbutterflies]

2023 fanfic year in review

Thank you @kasienda for the tag!!! Been meaning to do this since I wrote so much in 2023!

Fics completed this year:

Oh my god I was writing lovesquare still at the beginning of the year… who was I back then… I finished I’d fall in love with you a thousand times and Meant to be, and then wrote all of Intertwined. I try to hold these all in kind thoughts. I don’t think they’re all that great, personally, but I just hadn’t written as much when I wrote them and never outlined or planned ahead. But I’m happy people liked them!

And then I went off the deep end with adrino:

I’ll give myself a name (something stupid and pretentious)

Falling into place

ways to say I love you

promise me forever

The memories we (don’t) make

Not much of a cat person

The moment I knew (I’d no choice but to love you)

Chemistry with him (for Ninovember 2023! I wrote the entire thing in about a month and a half and posted daily in November. My life took a serious turn for the worse by the end of the month and the comments and support on this fic were so amazing and incredible and kept me going!)

Love you snow much

And then I ended strong with this incredibly devastating (but really good) loveywalker one shot: fine line

Number of words written:

My ao3 stats say I published 329,988 words in 2023 which is insane????? I don’t know how I did that but oh my god it was so fun. I know I wrote way more that I didn’t publish with edits and stuff I scrapped, but I don’t keep track because it would just be way too difficult… at least another 100-150k if I had to guess in cut scenes and wips I haven’t published and stuff I just decided I didn’t like. I don’t know how in the world I managed to write so much while already a sleep-deprived grad student but I definitely don’t regret it. It was a blast.

Your most popular fic:

By hits, Meant to be. Oh man… if I wrote this now I’d do so much differently. I was surprised people loved it so much, and looking back, I’m like oh god… the mistakes… but it’s all a learning process! :) and I learned and grew so much from this one.

By kudos, ways to say I love you, which I didn’t expect to gain any traction at all. It’s just over 600 words, something silly and cute I figured a couple people would like, and it totally blew up.

Your personal fav:

I know I’ve said this before but Falling into place, hands down, is my number one. I know I’ve also said before it’s such a queer, teenage experience, but it is and it means so much to me. Being in high school, being in love with your friends and not even knowing it, aughhh I just love it. I love the way I wrote it. I’m so proud of it still!

Your fav scene:

Oh man… probably the kiss scene in chapter 9 of The moment I knew (I’d no choice but to love you). I wrote it so many times and made so many edits but I ended up so proud of it!

A fic or scene that challenged you:

I had a lot of fun with most of my fics! Having multiple wips on the backburner gave me a way to take a break and work on other stuff when I was having trouble with one and I can usually come back with fresh eyes later and never have too much trouble. But right now, If I hold you too close is challenging emotionally. It’s super personal and self-indulgent, and digging into a lot of my own past and traumas and mistakes to write it has been harder than I thought it would be. I’m excited to keep working on it but it’s been draining at times for sure.

A line of writing you’re proud of: 

Oh man, I don’t know how to pick a single line… I’ll have to go with this (even though it’s technically more than one line) from Falling into place:

Adrien’s eyes were locked on Nino’s. He was staring back with something in his expression Adrien couldn’t quite read, something he hadn’t seen before. Or maybe he had but he’d just never been looking.

A comment that touched you:

A few come to mind! I’ve had several people comment on my adrino fics telling me they hadn’t shipped them before but they do after reading, and honestly that’s my number one life goal at the moment haha. I love adrino! I want more people to love them!

I genuinely love all the comments I get. It means so much that people read and love my work. The people who say so specifically always get me teared up… I’ve gotten several on my fluff fics that said they were going through stuff in life and my writing was a bright spot for them, and genuinely that’s insane to me. To touch someone else, to have a positive impact on their life through art…. oughhh it’s just so human and raw and I love it! I’m so honored!

Something that inspired your writing:

I honestly spent a lot of time writing what I personally wanted/needed to read! I needed more domestic adrino fluff, and I wasn’t finding quite what I wanted to read, so… I wrote it for myself! I love rereading them knowing it’s exactly what I want to read, and knowing other people enjoyed them too. I’ve been incredibly selfish in my writing this year (in the best way) and it’s been so inspiring also to see other people want to read it too! The moment I knew (I’d no choice but to love you) was something I didn’t think would garner much attention at all. A rarepair and a super silly trope? I thought whatever, I’m writing it for me, hopefully a couple others like it, and it got so much more positive attention than I thought. I’m so glad!

Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Probably figuring out I’ll give myself a name (something stupid and pretentious)! I think I’ve mentioned before I was originally writing it as a lovesquare fic. I wrote it and rewrote it like six times before I thought, no, this should be about Adrien and Nino. And then it just clicked!

Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I have a secret wip in my docs I’ve talked about a couple times, but it’s a slowburn teenage adrino and I really would love to write all of it! I think I’m struggling to decide exactly what kind of story I want to tell and it’s making it hard to outline and write when I don’t have a clear end direction, but that’s something I’d definitely love to figure out.

And I’d love to get back into lovesquare, too! I have a few wips that I keep putting on the backburner but I really want to dust them off and finish them, and maybe start some new stuff. Writing my loveywalker fic was SO fun (if devastating) and I can’t believe it’s been months since I sat down and wrote lovesquare.

This isn't a direct writing goal, but I'm determined to comment more on fics I read. I love getting comments, and I don't leave them enough on the fics I love, and that's something I really want to change!

Anyone you would like to thank?

@kasienda and @flightfoot I think are tied for commenting on my fics, and it really means so much to have cheerleaders in my inbox!!! Especially writing adrino when readership is lower, it was a huge help to have people reading and commenting and cheering me on <3

@asukiess and @isabugs recently for screaming with me in general about this show! You’ve inspired me to write so much more… I can’t wait to be absolutely unhinged in 2024.

And all my commenters on ao3!! I don’t know everyone’s tumblr and couldn’t possibly tag them all but it means so much every time I get a comment. I wouldn’t be writing as much as I do without the direct support! Thank you!!!

[gisellelx]

Every once in a while, I reread one of your stories and I can’t help but check your website for any updates for One Day 😇 Just curious: are you still working on it? No pressure whatsoever of course!! I love the way you portray Carlisle in that fic & am already super thankful for those first 8 or so chapters! Anyways, hope you are doing well & thanks for providing us with so many high-quality fics!

- Sannehale

Ah, this ask made my year. (Also now I realize your two blog names. Sneaky!)

Yes., yes I am. It was actually open on my laptop even as this ask came in. My prereader is asking about it too--I stopped giving her chapters because I was realizing that I got a lot of enjoyment out of sending them to her and that was filling enough void that it cut off my writing mojo. I'm thrilled though, that she can't see where it's going.

I'm stuck on chapter 16 (of likely 23-25) at the moment because a whole bunch of dominos have to fall in order to get to several reveals that are going to happen in very fast succession to move the story out of the second act. Also the second act/B story was hard because I am not a romance writer! 😆 It's not the genre I read and I'm not very good at writing it, but the middle of this story called for a romance and so there is one. Or so I hope.

I've also gone back and shored up some things that needed shoring--introduced a few of the characters who turned out to be important earlier on, and added another character in Bella's research mentor, Amy Jackson. I'm worried that I'm under-utilizing her at the moment.

This ask, though, prompted me to back out to the card view in the Scrivener project and I realize I actually did leave myself the breadcrumbs necessary to get myself out of here. Maybe I'll put my shoulder to the wheel and see what happens if I just follow the outline I laid out.

Anyway. I feel like I shouldn't end an ask without giving a little bit of some of the over 40,000 words that are written and not posted. So here's a tiny bit. This actually may not stay in, and in any event doesn't spoil anything--it's also the headcanon behind this chapter of Montage, though this scene was written years ago and my headcanon about Carlisle's name and his parents' names goes back over fifteen years now.

Of course, I knew a lot more than most people who were hunting down a relative from the 1600s. I clicked on the link for church records, and then delimited my search. If Carlisle was 367, that put him in 1644. That seemed reasonable. I filtered the results by the location, London, and then 1640 to 1650.

CULLEN, I typed. CARLISLE.

Zero hits. I frowned at my screen for a long moment and then practically slapped myself in the head. Of course there were no hits for Carlisle Cullen. Wasn’t this the very thing we’d been arguing about for months, now? I backspaced over the first name, and changed it to WILLIAM.

There were only three hits. Astonishing. I had assumed that Carlisle would have done his due diligence. He’d had hundreds of years to track this information down—why hadn’t he? William Cullen number one was in the baptismal records of St. Luke’s Catholic Church. He had been baptized in 1642. That would make him nearly the same age as Carlisle, no luck there. William Cullen number two, however, was on over seventy pages of documents—the records of St. James Aldgate, listed as parish pastor. And William Cullen number three almost caused my heart to stop.

Born 17 February 1644. Died 8 August 1667.

Twenty-three years old.

My heart, pounding, I clicked on the church register, enlarging it so that it filled my screen. The handwriting was old, faded and pixelated, but it was tidy and easy to read. Carlisle Cullen, it read, with William crammed onto the line before the first name, in the same handwriting but obviously a different pen—the lines were narrower, slanted slightly differently. Born and baptized on February 17, 1644. Father, William Cullen number 2. And mother…

My heart sped. There, in the same scrawly hand—his father’s hand, I realized, it must be—was written the words, Sarah Cullen (Crawforth).

A quick “Open in New Tab” allowed me to pull all the records from the 1600s from St. James Aldgate and in five minutes, I had a birth date of November 15, 1620. And a death date, which was of course expected, of February 17, 1644. But it was the annotation here which was breathtaking—in a different handwriting, written by the midwife? Some other member of the parish?

Died babe in arms.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and with blurry vision, on a hunch, I ran one last search. Then I printed the pages with the documents, shoved them in a folder, and headed for my car.

[faeriekit]

Questions for Fic Writers ✏📝💻

@chromatographic tagged me! ...And then I was at work and forgot about it by the time I got to my laptop! Sorry 😅

How many works do you have on Ao3?

My works tab claims the number to be twenty two, but at least one is a screen-reader-friendly duplicate of a Percy Jackson themed Reskin of Kids on Brooms, so it's more like...twenty one. I'd also take off of Blister Pack one-shots because they're tiny but they are one shots and those are technically valid, so...

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

355,110. Thank you, Blister Pack and Trade of Trickery!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Naruto.

...So I what I usually write and what I actually publish to ao3 are pretty different 😅 I've been doing a bunch of dp x dc fics as of late, and one dc x marvel fic, but if left to my own devices, I go back to Star Wars and Naruto and a lot of Naruto, and I have a surprising word count on a Supernatural fic which is odd considering I've never actually finished an episode of the show before.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

No idea! Lemme look:

#5: Dig Three Graves in Apartment 31C. A spooky and classic contender!

#4: The Firstborn Son. My excuse for writing a almost-canon dp x dc fairy story!

#3: The Haunting of Drake Manor. Nice 😎 You may have noticed, but I'm a sucker for baby fic.

#2: You know 'em, you love 'em, it's The Health and Wellbeing of Hybrid Entities! Who doesn't love a dissection recovery fic?

#1: Which leaves, of course, Blister Pack to reign supreme o'er the ao3 account. Who's shocked? Not me.

5. Do you respond to comments?

...there's 1,900 in my inbox right at this moment.

I want to. I love responding to comments. but it's just not feasible in the way I want it to be, and that blows.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Patchwork Memories! I don't think this counts because it was just a snippet, but, you know. Angst for the sake of angst n' all that.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Blister Pack!! Find joy in packing up and getting the fuck out of there! Who needs 'em?? Hit the bricks!!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've received stuff I honestly consider worse than hate, which is people who believe that I should think exactly what they think and write the fic as they believe canon should be interpreted, but here is the funniest exchange I've ever had on any fic ever:

9. Do you write smut fic? If so, what kind?

Once. I will occasionally write stuff for myself, but the reviews on the one posted smut chapter were generally that it was very, very funny. This does not give me much feedback to work off of lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The answer to both questions are dp x dc and also dp x dc. And that's generally tame as far as crossovers go.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 👀

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of! 👀 But I'd be way more amenable to that than thievery lmao.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I would never bog someone down with my symptoms disorder. I don't trust me enough to be helpful in any creative endeavor ever

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't believe in genuine OTPs, but whatever Desiree!Janet and Bruce have going on in Drake Manor is hysterical to me. I hope they get divorced and then break up and then get back together and then break up again.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I want to finish Trade of Trickery. I think it will take time. But I am determined to do it. We're halfway through the Sea of Monsters and I am delusional enough to think I can make it if I just power through in some distant future

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am the recipient of divine visions which keep me going. The hard part is staying consistent when I lose steam.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am the recipient of divine visions which keep me going. The hard part is staying consistent when I lose steam.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Google translate is my friend, and I don't necessarily believe in providing translations. There's no irl subtitles. If the characters are meant to understand, I'll leave stuff around to make the context and content clear, but like, no creo que es necesario en todos situaciónes.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

...Naruto...maybe...? No I'm wrong. It was Fairy Cube. My first divine visions/early fic thoughts were from Tamora Pierce's Song of the Lioness series and my first fandom I actually wrote/published fic for was Fairy Cube. Don't ask what account it was on. I borrowed my friend's ffn account. I don't remember the username anymore.

20. Favorite Fic you’ve written?

....hoo boy. Tie for Quiet Respite and Trade of Trickery. I love Comets and Drake Manor has a special place in my heart, but QR feels uniquely mine in ways that my dp x dc fics sometimes don't, and Trickery really is a love story about Sally Jackson and forgotten Demigod kids. Nothing else hits. Nothing else is the same. It's about collecting what you can in your hands and taking it with you.

@newgraywolf @cyrwrites @mysterycyclone @songue85 Anyone else want to play?

Thanks for asking, Chroma! It only took...what, a week, two weeks, to finally get to it?

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ we have to be adults now (chapter 9)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

wc- 6k

chapter warnings- theres kind of a time jump (not long) later in the chapter, swearing, mentions of sex, mentions of hookups, kaito, slight angst , mentions of an anxiety attack

a/n- hey guys, so sorry for delaying this for 2 weeks, my semester is ending first week of may and i'll be more free to write and post more often, I am gonna get a different job as well where I work mornings over the summer so my nights are free :D hope u guys enjoy, love ya!

-

The following week was.....odd.

Not in a bad way, nor perfect way, but it was just plain simplicity at home with Taehyung. You had sat him down and spoken to him monday when you returned from classes because your mind wouldn't let your rest.

Sure, you both had sex, but obviously you both could feel that it was different from the previous hookups you engaged in just months ago.

You both discussed the situation, and now that you knew you were being dumbasses and liked each other without realizing it, you decided to just take things one day at a time. You felt safe, and not rushed when it came to Taehyung, but you wanted to take your time with him and not run into a brand new relationship right after the Kaito situation, of course, he agreed as he said waiting for you was easy.

oh and speaking of the devil himself-

"you know he tried to get Chae to text me for him, about what happened"

you were sitting at the kitchen counter with taehyung as you indulged in breakfast on Wednesday morning

"wait what? like....to apologize? you didnt-"

"I didnt respond, and no- I dont know what he wanted or planned to say to me, but I wouldnt let him back in like that again...I think he knows we are done" you sigh, taking a bite of your toast.

Taehyung looked down at his plate and pushed the fork around, his food now gone cold as he had gotten distracted with whatever he was doing on his laptop while talking to you.

"hey." you walked over, gently brushing your fingers to behind his neck and grazing his skin softly, "what are you thinking about?" you asked quietly

"nothing" he smiled and gazed his eyes over your face, you had no makeup on, just waking up about a half an hour ago, yet you were still making his heart thump loudly against his chest.

you looked at him before leaning in to peck his lips, something he was more than happy to reciprocate. His eyes met yours as you pulled away, arms draping to your waist and pulling you closer to his seated lap, urging you to sit.

"wait so you said chae texted? you guys are talking...thats good" he mumbled, picking at his food as you sat on his lap and leaned into him, coffee mug warming your hands.

"hm...not really" you laughed to yourself, "she only texted in regards to kaito, otherwise neither her or dahyun has reached out" you pouted and he squeezed you gently, kissing your shoulder.

"I dont know what I did, like as if I urged him to fucking hit me" you scoffed, lost in thought. "I get that they are kaito's friends but they are also mine, and should see that I did nothing....dont really get the whole silent treatment thing"

"maybe its because I kicked his ass" taehyung mumbled, nibbling on some fruit you cut for him.

"maybe" you smiled, shaking your head and turning to look at him

"im sorry that they are being like that, i know you like to hang out with them and do girly stuff" he pouted at you, rubbing your leg softly.

You giggled quietly, cupping his face, "hmm, I can do girly stuff with you though, you'd let me paint your nails again, yeah?"

He scrunched his nose and raised his eyebrows, shrugging

"oh come on you love it" you teased kissing all over his face as he finally broke and laughed, "whatever"

"chae and I were supposed to get our nails done and go for lunch this week" you sighed and rested your head against his chest.

Taehyung wrapped you in his arms, humming, "we can do a spa night if you want..." he smiled and looked down at you

"really??"

He giggled at you jumping up so quickly

"yeah, just dont do my make-"

"i am so doing your makeup, pretty boy" you squished his face and laughed before hugging him. "Thank you..." you whispered

"no need to thank me, i like spending time with you" he rubbed your back and closed his eyes. Maybe getting a spa treatment wasnt exactly his idea of a fun night, but he enjoyed seeing how your face lit up so fast at his words, and he would do anything to keep you like that after such a crazy past few weeks.

"You know, I hate everyone" you huffed, pulling back to look at him.

"why's that, princess?"

you blushed at the nickname, smiling before responding. "I mean, I just hate people here, everyones so....I dont even know....hoity-toity." you sighed and leaned against the counter. "you know how we were talking about Gwangju and how we miss everything...like our childhood homes and shit?"

He nodded, hand rubbing yours,

"I was thinking of how, next month is my birthday, right?"

"mmhm" he smiled

"And im going back to Gwangju to see my mom..."

"right"

"Do you wanna come? It'll only be a week and Ive already checked in with school and they are okay with it.....I was gonna take you know who but....I think my mom would love to see you more" you smirked

Taehyung smiled brightly and stood up, taking your hands in his, "I would love to, y/n" he kissed your forehead

"yeah?"

"mhm, I think that exactly what we need, to get out of here for a while" he hummed, hugging you.

"I do too, but um-" you bit your lip and looked at him, "I was also thinking about going back for the summer as well...with you?"

Taehyung nodded and looked back at you, "summer....My trip is scheduled then too, perhaps I could push it back, I wanted to take you" he giggled nervously

"the paris trip? you were gonna take me?"

"obviously" he smiled and brushed your hair back, "but its okay, it can wait until end of summer"

"are...are you sure? I dont wanna-"

"im sure" he pecked your lips softly, "we will work it out later okay?"

"okay" you whispered, smiling at him, "thank you"

He swiped his thumb across your cheek and giggled, "now, you are gonna be late to class- go get ready!" he teased, jokingly hitting your butt as you turned on your heel to your room

"going!!"

-

You looked outside for Taehyungs car, he had texted and said he would pick you up from classes this afternoon so you could both grab a bite to eat.

You received a text from him saying he would be there in 5, so you sat on a nearby bench and watched groups of people leaving classes together, enjoying the fresh air and eachothers company.

You hated to admit it, but the whole situation with Dahyun and Chae not talking to you was seriously starting to make you upset, they were your best friends, and for them to take Kaitos side when they clearly saw what happened wasn't fair.

You- of course, still won, because at the end of the day you had Taehyung, and he wouldnt leave you like that over something so stupid and immature.....at least youd hope so.

You looked down in thought, legs lightly kicking back and forth as you waited for the boy

"oh...hey y/n"

you turned around to the familiar voice to see Annie

"oh, uh hey"

"have you spoken to Taehyung recently? well- of course you have, youre roomates! what I mean is, has he spoken about me at all? havent seen or talked to him since last week..." she mumbled, taking a seat besides you, making you shift away slightly.

You contemplated just telling her to f off, but decided to politely do it,

"uhh, well....he, and i, have been dealing with some shit, im not sure if you heard or not, or even saw, but both of us have kind of retracted ourselves away from our social lives for a bit" you chewed on your bottom lip, watching her fidget.

"can you tell him to text me back?" she glared at you intensely

"annie, i-"

"pleaseeee"

Sighing, you nodded your head, "yeah i guess"

your answer seemed to cheer her up, she thanked you and hurried along, making you question what was so damn important about her text that needed urgent responses.

-

"Annie told me to tell you to text her back" you laughed, shoving noodles into your mouth as you looked back at taehyung, sitting across from you on our living room floor with a face mask on.

"did she now?"

"yeah....you should probably hop on that"

Taehyung opens his phone and goes to her contact, "i had her on mute, holy shit she sent like 50 texts"

you burst out laughing, "are you...fucking kidding me? i told you, she likes you...."

He shook his head and threw his phone on the couch "i am not responding"

"great. now shes gonna hound me in the halls like a sad puppy" you looked at him

He shrugged, "she didnt even text anything important, it was just about me applying for school next semester"

"oh....are you thinking about attending the same school as me?" you giggle softly, putting the food down to pay attention to him.

"kinda....I just....man, to be honest, no"

Your face fell in slight disappointment, of course you want him to pursue what makes him happy....but you also would have loved for him to be in school with you so you both could have that experience.

He noticed your expression, "sorry Y/N" he frowned, "I was just thinking a lot and....besides, our Paris trip was moved for August and thats when classes start, I wouldnt be here for it anyways-"

"you could defer your admission if you got in..." you began "not that im saying you have to apply, but if"

He nods "I know..."

Taehyung seemed slightly off, you wanted to press into it but also chose to respect whatever might have been making him feel this way-if its important he will come to you, right?

"look lets just enjoy our spa night...can i take off the mask now so I too can enjoy my noodles?" he pouted, making you giggle

"tae, you still have 2 minutes left, if you take it off now your skin will stay oily and never gain that last bit of hydration....but you do you!" You teased

"these noodles will make my skin oily anyways, its a double negative, the mask was useless...." he teases, taking the sheet mask off, and beginning to indulge in his dinner.

"your nails are cute though" You snicker, watching as he glared at you, his nails bright hot pink, undoubtably noticeable.

"you like it, dont lie..."

"i have a dentist appointment tomorrow and he is gonna see it and think-"

"you look fabulous!!!" you tease, getting up and walking over sot cup his face as he ate, "because you do"

"whatever" he blushed, looking away and at his food.

You both spent the next few hours eating snacks, laughing and enjoying eachothers company. It was late, for sure, as you put on a movie and silently laid next to taehyung on the couch, the rooms darkness surrounding you.

The movie is quite boring in all honesty, but neither one of you bring up that fact, no, you both are in your own minds way too much.

You sigh, noticing he isnt paying attention to the film either. "do you think chae or dahyun will ever talk to me again?"

Taehyung is slightly startled, looking down at you before speaking, "wh-why do you think they wont? and who cares if they never do....I thought we agreed everyone here sucks?" he rubbed your back

"i know but...I dont have many people in my life...and it just sucks...being alone in school"

He frowned, hugging you closer "hey, you have me, and like we talked about, you have everyone back home, too."

you half smile, playing with his hair, "I know...."

"and when we go to your moms for your birthday, you can see Jessica again, and Suvi...all your old friends..."

"I doubt they still live on that street, last thing I heard from suvi was that she was possibly getting married and going to live in America with her white boyfriend"

"sounds fun"

You laugh and nudge him, "dont know if its true though....and with Jessica, she is married and I doubt she will have time to hang out with some old high school classmate who pops up out of the blue"

He sighs loudly and shakes his head, "oh darling you worry so much"

"i cant help it"

"nothing is wrong....dont worry, even if shit hits the fan im gonna be right here, no matter what" he kissed your knuckles and looked at you, the movie now long forgotten.

You lay your head against his chest in a silent thank you, grateful you did have him to lean on metaphorically and literally.

It was a few silent moments filled with soft breathing and gentle touches before Taehyung spoke,

"you know I love you....right?"

You closed your eyes and took a breath, squeezing his hand in yours, "I know...." you looked up at him, "I love you too....ya big dork...."

-

About a month and a half later

It was coming down to the final weeks of the school semester, summer was approaching which meant it was your birthday.

Like you promised, you reluctantly packed everything into a tiny carry on bag and left for Gwangju with Taehyung to see your mother. Its not that you didnt want to go back home, its just you were stressed and nervous about everything, which isnt out of the ordinary for you at all.

"you probably arent feeling well because you are doing homework and reading on a plane...." he mutters from the seat next to you, pausing whatever movie he was watching when you began to mention feeling ill.

"Taehyung...its an airplane, not a car or train...Pretty sure you dont get motion sickness up here like that-"

"thats not true!" he took his headphones off, "why do you think these are here!" he pulled out the folded paper puke bag from his seat, waving it in your face just to prove a point.

"whatever" you rolled your eyes, putting your homework away after he scolded you.

"here..." he handed you crackers and water, telling you to nap and that you both would land in about an hour and a half.

After you both landed, you grabbed all of your suitcases and began to head outside of the airport for the Uber to take you to your moms house.

"think she will be happy to see me?" taehyung asked softly, biting into his croissant he bought

"of course she will, she loves you....its a surprise" you giggled, looking around for the pickup car.

"is that them?" you pointed to a car parked, confirming with your phone, "yeah it is, cmon"

He helped you place the bags into the trunk before stepping into the backseat with you, allowing the driver to transport you to your old home.

As the atmosphere around you turned darker and the houses looked familiar, your heart twisted at the sight.

sure, your neighborhood has always been poor and nothing special, but it was yours, and it would always remind you of home no matter how long its been.

Taehyung gently nudged you, "You okay, princess?"

You nod, "yeah...its just emotional being here again after so long"

"i know, i know" he squeezed your hand and helped you get out of the car, tipping the driver as you both got your luggage out.

"here it is...." He smiled, looking around as his mind got flooded with memories of younger him and you, running through this very yard. Things were so different back then.

To him- you were simply just the girl he grew up next to, went to school with, and hung out afterwards. If you would have told 11 year old Taehyung he would harbor such feelings for you now, he wouldn't believe it.

He looks at the house a few feet away from your moms...it was his house before his parents moved recently.

"crazy huh?" you rubbed his back before putting the bag over your shoulder, taking his hand

"yeah....it is..."

You both knocked, waiting to see the lovely face of your mom open the door.

"hello who- oh!...Oh!!" she smiled brightly at the sight of you both

"mom!" you hugged her frail body tightly, kissing her cheek as she stroked your hair.

"oh honey I missed you, happy birthday my sweet little one!"

You giggled, "thank you mama" you held her hands as her gaze peers behind you at Taehyung- she gasps

"Taehyung? is that you? it cant be, look how much youve grown!!"

He chuckled and gave her a hug, "Yes, it is I, in the flesh" he smirked and politely bowed.

"I thought you were bringing Kaito, no?"

she brought you all inside, allowing you to sit in the living room as she brought you both coffee.

"well thats a whole other story..." you smile softly and give her a knowing look

"oh, you didnt break up did you?"

she seemed upset- disappointed even.

"um...well not officially but.....basically" you frowned and shrugged, an apologetic gesture.

"oh no! thats too bad, im sorry honey...he seemed sweet"

taehyung had to stop himself from laughing at this, but he knew he wouldn't want to drag you down with him and end up confessing to the incident- so he bit the inside of his cheek and drank his coffee.

The conversations were typical, your mother asking about school and work, you told her you were thriving and enjoying uni as best as you could.

She seemed interested when you both told her about the art competition Taehyung had one a few weeks back

"Paris? thats amazing" she happily clapped her hands and looked at you both gracefully "good job, im sure your parents are proud"

"ha, sort of" he brushed his hair back with his hand as she brought up his mom and dad, remembering how a month ago shit hit the fan with them- he still never told them he won the competition anyways.

"well im sure you both are exhausted from your flight, i'll make you both something nice to eat while you go wash up....I even bought a cake!!"

You giggled, "mom...my birthday isnt until tomorrow.."

"so? let the festivities begin now, who cares!" she laughed and stood up, ushering you and taehyung upstairs.

"theres a guest room right here for you, taehyung" she politely spoke, pointing across the hall. You were obviously going to be sleeping in your old bedroom, and you would have taken him in there with you but you felt a little sheepish at telling your mom the situation with him, despite her possibly being elated, you also had just told her you got out of a relationship, and you didnt want to make it seem like something it wasnt.

You winked at him and walked to your room, opting to take a bath and clean up. Your throat had begun to develop a scratch, making you sit in the tub and pray that you weren't getting sick right now, not on your one week off.

meanwhile, down the hall, taehyung put his bags onto the rather large bed and looked around, it was pretty nice for a guest room. The view pointing out into the backyard, immediately flooding his head with past memories once more.

His eyes stayed on the small, now broken, tree swing. That very bench was where you cried into his chest senior year of high school, cursing your father for what he did.

"i'll never forgive him" you cried, hands gripping his shirt as your tears fell onto him.

All he could do in the moment was rub your back- "you dont have to..."

"h-how could he, taehyung?" you sat back to look at him, makeup running down your puffed up cheeks. "how could he just leave?? I dont even- god...what do I do?? im alone...my moms just- we are alone..." you began to sob again as he carefully pressed you back into his chest, quietly shushing you as he leaned against your head.

"shhh....you arent alone....you're never alone...."

"how can a man just leave his wife and child......"

He wasn't sure what to say...he knew your parents had issues for years but he never thought it would end like this: your parents divorcing because it turns out he cheated on your mother with a co-worker.

You swore would never trust another man again.

He cleared his throat as he snapped out of the upsetting memory, unpacking his clothing and stepping into the shower.

Afterwards, he had sat on the bed and continued to peer out the large window, millions of words soaring through his brain.

"you okay?"

His attention was brought to you, standing in the doorway with a towel on your head.

cute, he thought. "im okay...come here" he smiled and reached out for your hand, pulling you onto the bed with him.

"mm you smell nice" he whispered, arms wrapping around you as his face hid in your neck.

You blushed, unable to help the smile that crept onto your face. "tae-" you giggled and tried to get up

"shes not coming, shes in the kitchen cooking" he laughed, trying to keep you in his arms a little while longer.

You sighed and looked at him, "look, just dont do anything that would make her suspicious, okay? I dont really know what I would call us as of right now, we agreed to take things slow, if my mom sees us she will think we are dating and-"

He smiles and pulled you down to kiss him softly, his hands slipping under your shirt and up to your chest teasingly, making you gasp.

"I understand the plan princess, stop worrying"

You shyly smiled and turned away. "okay...."

He sat silently, taking off the towel on your head and running his fingers through your wet and curly hair, detangling it.

"you seem pale sweetheart, are you not feeling better?" he whispered

you shrugged, "ah my throat is starting to bother me now, I think im getting a cold unfortunately, just my luck right?"

"aw poor baby" he frowned and cupped your face, pressing kisses all over it gently

"you are gonna get sick too if you-"

"i dont care" he grinned and squeezed you against him once more before letting you stand up.

"kaito texted me" you suddenly spoke, making him freeze

"what? why?"

"he wrote me these huge paragraphs explaining how sorry he is and how he misses me....its ridiculous ill show you after"

He frowned and nodded, wanting to offer an apology but not sure for what exactly

"kids- dinner is ready!!" your mom suddenly called, making you smile

"cmon lets go eat"

-

"this is delicious mom, it really is" you smiled brightly, eating the warm meal she prepared for all three of you

"thank you, honey, i used to make it all the time"

"i remember" taehyung smiled, referring to the many times he would come and stay for dinner at your house growing up.

"I miss your cooking, at home we either get takeout or I try to replicate some recipe offline and it always tastes off" you snort

"nuh-uh, I think your meals are good" he protested

"no, they arent...but thank you" you giggled and rubbed your leg against his under the table.

"see you both need to visit me more so I can cook and cook and cook all day for you" your mother joked

"that sounds so fun" you spoke, taking a bite of your rice.

"so you guys told me about the paris trip, when is that happening?" she asked gently

"probably August-ish" taehyung spoke up

"mhm, we were thinking of coming back down here once the semester ends for me" you added, making your mom happy with that.

"that would be so delightful!!"

All three of you chatted happily as you finished your dinner, your mom standing up to clear the plates.

"i'll do it" you stood, collecting them and bringing them to the sink to clean.

"you know, just because I have back issues doesn't make me immobile" she teased, coming up from behind you as tae stayed seated at the table, distracted with the small cat prancing around the dining room. "go into the fridge and take the cake out!"

You smiled and walked over to the refrigerator, opening it up to grab the cake and place it on the table.

Your mother unboxed it and revealed it to you,

it was your all time favorite: a mango cream cake- topped with a "happy 23rd birthday" banner across the top.

"oh!!" you grinned, taking a photo of it, "its so pretty, thank you mama" you kissed her cheek and sat down as she grabbed plates.

Taehyung licked his lips in anticipation, always eager to eat dessert.

Your mom smiled widely, handing you a cut piece and kissing your forehead, "happy birthday my not-so little one"

you giggled and took a bite, and oh man, it was good.

"this is fucking delicious" taehyung mumbled, filling his mouth with the cream custard before remembering where he was, "sorry..." he giggled nervously

"aish, taehyung!" your mom jokingly swatted his head, taking a seat and enjoying a bite of the cake herself.

You were all discussing something when you felt your phone vibrate in your sweatpants, you took it out to see you had received yet another text from Kaito.

and this time- it wasnt so sweet.

Your eyes scanned over the screen, making your body run cold in chills and nervousness.

Suddenly- the cake wasnt as good and the room was too loud.

Taehyung noticed your look of fear and patted your back gently "you okay y/n?"

You looked up from your phone and at him, then looked at your mother who had grown concerned over your expression, "what is up sweetie? is everything ok?" she gestured to the phone.

You tried to gather your words but it was too late, you felt it come on suddenly as it always did: an anxiety attack.

"yeah- uhm, I just..." you put your phone away and stood up, hands trembling slightly. "I am not feeling well"

"so suddenly?" your mom frowned

"she mentioned not feeling well earlier" he spoke, looking at you as you peered at the floor.

"whats wrong?" she asked once more, trying to specify what exactly made her daughter so sick

You felt your vision clouding over, it seemed silly to have such a dramatic reaction to something youve dealt with before, you have dealt with much worse with kaito, why was this making you panic?

You apologized and mumbled something before quickly escaping upstairs to the bathroom, feeling yourself about to get sick-which made you panic even more.

"go check up on her please?" her mom asked taehyung, a sad look in her eyes, "I hope it wasnt the food...."

"im sure shes okay....she told me she wasnt feeling good all day" he patted her shoulder before coming up to your room, knocking softly on the door to your bathroom.

"baby...." he whispered

You felt dizzy and sweaty, but most of all, embarrassed for yourself and for worrying them like that. "what?" you mumbled, head in your arms as you sat near the toilet.

"can I come in?"

you hummed quietly, watching the door crack open just enough for him to peak his head in.

"princess whats wrong? did you get sick?"

You sniffed and wiped your eyes, "no- I feel so nauseous though" you waved him off, afraid that if you continued speaking you might actually puke.

He immediately grabbed a cold cloth and pressed it against your neck, cooling you down as he felt for a fever.

"I think it was an anxiety attack" you softly mumbled, leaning against him on the bathroom floor.

"oh baby....im sorry" he cooed, rubbing your arm slowly

"I havent had one in so long...it was so scary I felt sick and dizzy and-"

"what caused it?" he looked beyond worried to have seen you like that, it all escalated so fast.

You moaned in discomfort, pulling out your phone and bringing up the texts you received during dessert

"I would assume that?" you spoke as he took your phone

It was all messages from Kaito, cussing you out and calling you a whore, anger filled his entire body as he tensed up, unable to comprehend most of the paragraph.

"annie told everyone I dumped him because I was cheating on him....with you" you scoffed and covered your face, trying not to get worked up again.

It was one thing for Annie to be so jealous of your closeness with taehyung that she ran and had to seek attention from the entire college, but it was another thing for her to lie and accuse you of cheating.....something you resented so much yourself.

"I would never cheat on anyone and now all these kids from my classes are in my texts saying all of this shit and-" he took your phone and shut it off, squeezing you in his arms tightly, slowly rocking back and forth as you began to cry.

He wanted to say so much, but he had no strength. Seeing you upset and crying pained him more than anything, and for someone he considered a friend to go and ruin your reputation like this.....it was all so much. Suddenly your reaction made sense, he was feeling sick too now.

"my love im so sorry..." was all he could muster as you held his hand, closing your eyes and resting against his chest.

"I love you, okay? youre okay."

You nodded as he brushed away some tears on your cheek, "I love you too"

He sat there, tense, as he tried his best to comfort you while contemplating how to get away with murder.

"how is everything in- oh!"

You opened your eyes to see your mom standing in the bathroom door way, she noticed you on the floor in taehyung arms and immediately backed up, feeling a bit invasive.

"am i interrupting something?"

suddenly you were embarrassed that she had caught you and him being so close together, obviously you've sat with tae before but this looked a little more than friendly- you were practically in his lap.

"n-no we...she was feeling really sick so I sat with her." he mumbled rather quickly, slightly pushing you off his chest.

You nodded in agreement as she looked at the two of you, "do you know what happened?" she asked after a moment

"anxiety attack" you wiped your face with the cloth as she walked in and helped you stand

"oh sweetie, you still get those?"

nodding, you looked down at your hands which were trembling.

"havent had one in a long time..but yeah"

"well lets get you to rest then, yes?" she smiled softly and led you to the bed, tucking you in gently before bringing you a cup of tea.

You remember how when you were struggling with dad, you had your first panic attack and you quite literally assumed you were dying.

"I cant breathe.." you whispered, clutching your chest as you cried in your moms arms, she was absolutely terrified.

Her hand rubbed your back slowly as you sobbed, trying to console you. "my angel you need to try, you are scaring me"

You sat up and she wiped your tears, "I know you are upset, i am too, but we cant fall apart now, i need you to....I need you to stay strong for mommy, ok?"

You hiccuped and nodded, squeezing her hand.

She brought you a warm cup of tea and sang softly, watching as you came down from whatever level you were just on. She rubbed your back until you fell asleep in her bed.

You might have been 17, but you were her baby and she wanted to protect you.

You drank the tea as she brushed your hair, suddenly feeling calmer in her presence. You wish you never moved out, she had such an ability to calm you that even taehyung had not mastered.

She looked back at him as he awkwardly stood away from the bed, his face wearing concern, then she returned her gaze to you.

"i think we all need to rest okay? tomorrow is gonna be so good, I promise" she squeezed your hand before kissing your forehead softly. "goodnight honey...come get me if you need anything" she spoke, patting taehyungs arm on the way out.

He watched her leave, then looked back to see you laying under the covers of your childhood bed. He couldn't help but smile slightly, you looked so safe and comfy, he wanted to make you feel that as well.

"you alright?" he whispered

You nodded, sipping the tea once more and asking him to turn the lights off- he did so as he walked over to your bed, kissing you lightly.

"im sorry this happened, get some sleep okay? cant have a sad birthday girl tomorrow" he smirked as you giggled quietly, it was nice to hear.

"okay....goodnight taehyung..." you watched him begin to exit the room as you got lost in thought, quickly sitting up before he was gone

"wait-"

He turned and looked at you, eyebrows raised gently

sighing, you put your tea down, "can you...stay? just lay with me?" you seemed embarrassed to even ask this, but you knew you had told him to keep his distance while staying at your moms, now you were breaking your own rule.

"are you sure? what if your mom sees?"

You shrugged, eyes still red and puffy. "pretty sure she already saw in the bathroom.....I bet shes conspiring about us right now" you huffed, watching him giggle and walk over, slowly climbing onto the small bed.

He wrapped you into his arms gently, kissing your head.

"you are okay....I promise"

You hummed and held his hand, looking up at him, "can you rub my back?" you asked quietly, shyness in your voice as you felt yourself shrinking down to ask something that seemed silly to you.

He nodded and turned you to face him, his hand gently rubbing patterns against your clothed back, calming you quickly, "is this okay?"

"more than...." you smiled, eyes closing as you leaned into his chest. "my mom used to do it to help me sleep" you giggle

"thats sweet" he hummed happily, suddenly glad you felt safe enough to allow him with you at this moment, to do something so simple yet intimate.

It was silent in the dark room, only noise that is audible is your moms small cat meowing in the other room, making you smile.

"I dont want you on your phone for the rest of the trip okay? we have 6 days, lets just have ourselves yeah? if you need to make a call use my phone" he suggested after a moment

"but what if-"

"no what ifs or buts....you need a break, look at you." he huffed, rubbing your back still.

You had to admit, he was right, you were a fucking mess and tonight was shameful to say the least. It had been such a long day already and it just so happened to be the straw that broke the camels back.

"okay" you mumbled, allowing yourself to melt into his touch as the time slowly ticked by. He had fallen asleep not too long after, but you were still awake.

Your mind was no longer on panic mode, but you were thinking about possibly every situation there was to worry about at that very moment.

school. kaito. work with ms.choi,

fuck you forgot to tell ms.choi about your trip, she must be blowing up your phone right now.

you need to go grocery shopping when you get home

your mom is probably worrying sick about you down the hall

you are probably a bad daughter

you are 23 and have nothing to show for it

your throat still hurts, damnit

You roll over and look at the ceiling as your thoughts raced.

shit, you regret not finishing that cake slice, you are craving it.

dahyun and chae, fake ass friends...but maybe it was your fault?

no....yes?

you sigh and turn to lay on your stomach

why are you going crazy? are you losing your mind?

maybe its just your period starting

hm

maybe but-

Your eyes shot open.

"my period...."

oh shit......yeah....the thing that never came.

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