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emmyhem · 4 years

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always (l.r.h)

a/n: hi everyone! this is a lil angsty piece i wanted to get up. i just want to say again how sorry i am for not getting anything up for the past two weeks, i’ve just been overwhelmed with some stuff for my classes, but i am starting to get back in the swing of things now. also, this is unedited as i was rushing to get it up in time. i do plan on posting something else tomorrow night and hopefully i’ll be posting pretty consistently from now on. also this does end kind of abruptly but i wanted to leave it like that because i’m a sucker for angst, with that being said i would be happy to write a part two if that’s something you’d be interested in. anyway, feedback and comments are appreciated as always and i hope you’re all having an amazing day/night. enjoy! - emmy <33

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: luke recounts his mistake and hopes he can patch things up with his always.

warnings: very brief mention of sex, cursing, mentions of alcohol, luke’s being an asshole, mention of pinching (idk), slight insecurity from the reader, lots of angst :(

word count: 2.6k

Luke had always hated the quiet. That’s when his thoughts were the loudest. That must be why he had never really liked being alone with himself.

Tonight in particular, his thoughts were practically screaming, one word over and over again.

“Y/n”

For the past two years that name had acted as his most favorite word, one that he would utter whenever he had gotten the chance. Whether it be to brag about your recent accomplishments to his friends, to catch your attention from another room, or falling from his lips with a sigh of pleasure as he reached completion with you laying breathlessly beneath him.

Now the word seemed torturous, the last time he uttered it replaying on a relentless loop in his head.

It was your 2nd anniversary. Dinner had been laid out on the table for an hour. Two glasses of wine sat untouched in front of a vase of roses you had picked out at the florist earlier that morning, and there was no sign of Luke.

You were wracking through your brain as you watched a petal fall from a rose and land lightly in one of the glasses.

Had you gotten the time wrong?

But you were sure that the two of you had agreed on 8:00 for dinner, that way you had time to get everything ready after getting home from work, and Luke wouldn’t have to rush to leave the studio.

Yet somehow you found yourself staring at the now cold dinner at 9:30, with absolutely no word from Luke. You wanted to call, if for no other reason than to check he was still alive and breathing, but your nerves stopped you from doing that, not wanting to take on the role of the overbearing girlfriend.

Your stomach growled hungrily over the light music that was playing through the house speakers. So, begrudgingly you took a bite of the pasta on your plate before downing your entire glass of wine.

Luke arrived home about 2 hours later, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. He caught sight of the table, with one setting completely untouched as he hung up his coat, causing guilt to pang in his chest.

“Baby,” he called out, carrying himself to your shared bedroom.

When no response came his heart rate sped up in fear that you had left.

“Y/n” he called, louder this time with a sense of urgency clear in his voice.

That’s when he spotted a person sized lump underneath the duvet. Releasing a sigh of relief he moved towards you, peeling the blankets off and leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder.

This caused you to stir a bit, eyes fluttering open to meet him.

“Hi, my love.” he cooed.

A frown was prominent on your face, and a crease separated your eyebrows as they furrowed angrily.

“I’m sorry I’m late. We got a bit carried away in the studio, but in good news the album is coming along great. M’so excited for you to hear it”

You had always tried to be understanding of Luke’s job for many reasons. One being that you both reaped the benefit of his success, you wanted for essentially nothing, had a nice house, the opportunity to travel, and Luke often spoiled you with gifts even if you asked him not to. Another being how happy it made your boyfriend. Music truly was his passion, and he was so talented that you wouldn’t want for him to ever put his work on the back burner for you.

With that being said, you made a point to take time off to spend time with him whenever you were able to. You had even changed jobs because your last one hadn’t allowed you to go on tour with him, which he had been adamant about, insisting, “There’s no way I can be away from you for that long.”

And you were happy to do all of those things, because you were in love, and you felt incredibly lucky to even be a part of his world. But you did start to question things as your relationship went on. It felt like Luke didn’t even consider your job. He only saw it as something that took you away from him.

You had worked hard to get where you were in the occupational field. Without your job all you would have to do is sit around and wait for Luke to be ready for you, and you just couldn’t live like that.

Luke turned on the lamp on your nightstand as you slowly sat up in bed.

“2 weeks Luke, we’ve had these plans for two weeks.”

“I know baby I tried, but you know how it is when inspiration strikes.” he dismissed while sitting the flowers on the ground.

“No, I don’t. Do you not think that I have things I could be doing for work? Cause I do, and I choose this over all of that.” you huffed in frustration.

Luke took a deep breath while subtly rolling his eyes.

“Y/n, I’m sorry for missing dinner, but you don’t understand the pressure I’m under, from the fans, the label, management, and the band.”

“I know that you work hard and I know how important this is to you, and I’m so proud of you, but I’m proud of us too and I would’ve liked to have a night for just us.” you tried to explain. “Not to mention the fact that I’m under pressure in my job too and I always find time for you, no matter what.”

“Yea, you have pressure from a job that you don’t need.” his voice rising in anger with each word as he paced around the room.

“How many times do I have to tell you Luke? It’s my job, it’s a part of my life and I don’t plan on giving it up anytime soon.” you shouted.

“Great.” he replied sarcastically. “Then you should understand that I won’t give up my job anytime soon.”

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking for a bit of consideration, and just a sliver of your time.”

“I’m working to make us more money.” he stated.

“Luke, we don’t need any more money. You should be working because you enjoy it and because it’s your passion.”

He let out a condescending laugh before turning to look in your eyes.

“Yea, well you don’t seem to mind all the money when you're sitting at home in the house that I bought, and leeching off of my bank account on the daily. D’ya think you could afford all the shit you have just based on your salary?” he spat crudely.

You physically leaned back as if the words had just actually been thrown at you. They must’ve, because the pain they caused felt far too real to just be emotional. You opened your mouth to fight back, to scream, to do something but the lump in your throat prevented anything to come out other than a sad, and pathetic squeak.

Was that what he thought about you?

This had caught you completely off guard. Sure, you were expecting an argument, you’d even say you were expecting a big one, but you would’ve never guessed he would throw this in your face.

You felt betrayed. It had always made you insecure that you were making such little money compared to your boyfriend.

Some days after receiving your paycheck you would go out and spend it all on Luke, solely because you wanted to know that you could contribute too. You would do that whenever you got the chance, to reassure that your work was important, and valid. And mainly to show Luke that you appreciated all he did for you.

He would always reply, “You don’t have to do this, love. I like spoiling my girl.”

Yeah right.

“I wasn’t, I m-mean I don’t try to lee-,” you paused, the word feeling too gross to repeat back.

“Well, you do whether you're trying or not so the least you can do is give me a break occasionally.” he spoke casually, while changing into sweats as if he wasn’t ripping you apart with every word.

You kept a blank stare at the bedroom door, your eyes already stinging with unshed tears. You wished you could be angrier but his words left you questioning and feeling guilty.

As hard as you’d tried to provide for yourself and make your own way you couldn’t help but wonder if you had subconsciously started leaning on him, more than you had ever wanted.

Luke continued getting ready for bed, not taking a second look at you since hitting you with his harsh words.

“I-I’m sorry.” you croaked.

“It’s fine, Y/n I just wish you could’ve been slightly more understanding.” he continued, still not facing you.

“I think that maybe, I mean, um I gotta go.” you were speaking through tears, as you abruptly stood from the bed and hurried to leave the room.

This caught Luke’s attention causing him to spin in your direction at lightning speed, finally taking in your emotional state.

“Going? Going where? I-what are you talking about?”

You didn’t reply, grabbing your keys, bag, and shoes as you continued to speed to the front door.

“Y/n!” he continued, following closely behind you.

You paused at the front door and turned to meet his eyes. His stressed appearance subsided as you allowed him the opportunity to talk.

“You’re upset.” he concluded, reaching a hand out to hold your cheek.

You leaned away from his touch and shook your head lightly, “M’not.”

His features softened and he took another step closer to you, “You are. I’m sorry, I was harsh.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know?”

“I don’t want t-to leech” you stuttered out.

This rendered Luke speechless, realizing how cruel his words had been. You had taken this as an opportunity to exit the house, quickly running to your car. Luke made it to the driveway just in time to see you drive away.

“Fuck” he snapped, jogging back towards the house to get his phone and call you in hopes of convincing you to come back.

After calling you at least 20 times with no response he conceded and decided he should try and get some sleep, that way he was rested enough to get you to forgive him in the morning.

His body fell naturally to his side of the bed, but his eyes lingered on where you typically laid.

Rolling onto his back, eyes finding the ceiling he muttered to himself, “I’m an idiot.”

Eventually he was tiring out, the bedroom ceiling growing extremely boring after staring for so long. He turned on his side to hug your pillow to his chest. As his hand slid under the pillow it came into contact with an envelope that had been hidden underneath.

He sat up and flicked on a lamp to read the front, “To my Lu”

He could tell that you had taken your time penciling on your words, each letter was flawless and written delicately. Before ripping it open he hesitated, questioning whether or not he even deserved to see what was inside after the way he spoke to you. The selfish part of his brain won for the second time that night.

The first thing he saw after opening was two airline tickets situated just in front of a folded piece of notebook paper.

He held his breath as he brought them into the light, two roundtrip business tickets to Sydney.

He rushed to read the note you had left with them, unfolding it quickly.

“Lu,

Happy two years, my love. I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for this long. Not a day goes by where I’m not in complete and utter awe of you and everything you do for me. I know how hard you work and how much you miss home and your family while you continue to grow in your music, and in yourself everyday. I know these aren’t the best tickets you’ve ever had by any means or the most extravagant vacation you’ve taken, but I wanted to show you how much I love you and how much I know you deserve, and need a break. We have 2 weeks, we leave tomorrow. I’ve worked it all out with the guys and your label. I know this is just a small way to repay you for the way you’ve taken care of me and the way you’ve loved me so selflessly for so long but I hope it shows you just a sliver of how much I love you.

Yours always,

Y/n”

He traced the letters of your name repeatedly as he blinked back a few stinging tears, before falling asleep, the note clutched tightly to his chest.

That was a week, and about 100 missed calls ago.

About two days after you left, your friend had called to let him know that you were safe and staying with her for the time being. It had slightly lessened his worry, but the guilt he felt grew exponentially each day he had no reason to say your name.

He had claimed your side of the bed as his own in hopes that it would bring you closer to him. When he had finally dragged himself out of bed to shower he used your body wash and as embarrassing as it sounds nearly cried when the room was flooded with the familiar rose scented steam. And tonight while scouring through the liquor cabinet and feeling completely sorry for himself he had come across a bottle of tequila that you had purchased on your most recent vacation.

Luke had put a serious dent in it by the time he was done scrolling through all of his pictures of you, and his finger began to itch with the need to call you.

Through blurry and clouded eyes he located your contact, a breath hitching in his throat when he clicked the call button.

With each unanswered ring he pinched his wrist, willing himself to wake up and discover this was all just some horrible nightmare, that he would just roll over and see you curled up next to him, warm, and sweet, and perfect. So fucking perfect.

“You’ve reached y/n. Sorry I can’t get to the phone, leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks”

But it’s not his nightmare that got him here, it’s his mistake.

“Y/n,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he hasn’t used it much in the past couple of days.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I miss you and I’m sorry. I-” his heart was pounding and his intoxication numbed him from the feeling of the hot tears that streamed down his face as he continued. “M’selfish baby. I’m so selfish and I was talking out of my ass that night, of course you’re not leeching. That’s fucking ridiculous, you couldn’t be, I give you nothing compared to what you give me. I just don’t know how to admit I’m wrong and the money is bullshit, it doesn’t matter, we could both live without it.” his chest felt tight as he took a large gulp of air. “I-I can’t live without you, really I don’t think I can. I need you and I love you. I love you so much. Just please come home to me, please baby. I need you with me, and I want to fucking give you the world and I know you don’t need me to give it to you. I want to. I just-I want to give you everything, anything. You can have it all. It’s yours. I’m yours, alwa-” his pleads were cut off by the dial tone.

“Always.” he repeated, staring at the black screen.

pt. 2

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gingerxarmy · 3 years

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Confessions pt2 - Reader x Driver

So here we have part two of Confessions . I had a hard time to understand how much I wanted to actually write. But it ended with some hard makeout session at the end. So if you ain't comfortable to read it to (--), it's nothing graphic more than naked skin. BUT ENJOY!

You ended up meeting him for the date night he promised you

Words: 2700 (ish)

Warning: Mention of alcohol and smut-ish

To overthink was nothing new, somedays you had better days, but lately it has been a constant thing for your to-do-list, everything started when you realize that he was the only one with a new phone number. You couldn’t contact him, if you didn’t send a direct message on Instagram. But thanks to him being a famous racing car driver you knew that he wouldn't be contactable on the app.

After that night you had been waiting for a text, a phone call or just something to ease your racing mind. To make you know that he thought about you just as much that you thought about him. He had confessed his love to you. If he wasn’t just drunkenly babbling stuff. But drunk sayings are sober thoughts as they say.

One thing that really made you uneasy is his reputation, what was so special about you that made him want to change? It was an open secret around the sport that he was a player. He always liked the attention, the girls flocking around him. Or so it appeared in interviews and videos. He would give a lucky girl a night to remember, but for him, it was only a challenge to get a girl the fastest and take her home. And you, you weren’t a one night stand kind of person, never been and never will be.

So here you are now, one and a half weeks later, in total radio silence. Waiting for him to reach out. In the heat of the moment you didn’t think about getting his number as well when he asked you about yours. And it felt wrong to send him a message on Instagram of all places. And who knews, he probably never checks his direct messengers on the named app. If it was you, you wouldn’t even bother to check the thousands of messengers they probably get sent everyday.

With phone in hand you scrolled through Instagram, trying to smooth the nagging feeling in your chest by looking at his profile. The whole circus was in the Netherlands this weekend to race. The new posts from this week were only pictures on his car from practise sessions. Which in say might not be so bad, the car’s livery is amazing this seson and you couldn’t say that it wasn’t kind of hot to see him drive on track. But just in this moment, you missed his face. Just to see in his eyes that he maybe did just as bad as you did to be countries apart.

You sight and put away your phone, it doesn’t make anything better to be here, late at night, looking at pictures of a man who probably only thought about racing this weekend. It was late, midnight was soon about to pass and you were working tomorrow. Bedtime it is, you decided.

After brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed you heard your phone go off. Vibrating like it’s life depended on it in the silence of your apartment. You picked it up and faced the display, unknown number it said. Who would be calling you at this time? A small part in you hoped that it would be him. That he had been laying awake, thinking about you, not being able to sleep and just needed to call you, hear your voice. You answered the call with hope in your chest. What if it wasn’t him?

“Hi,” you let out a breath you didn’t know you held when a familiar voice came through the line. “I’m sorry that I haven’t called earlier. It’s been a stressful couple of days.” You could hear it in his voice how tired and apologetic he sounded.

“It’s alright. I understand, It’s been a lot for me too,” you lied. It had been calm at work the past couple of days and it stressed you out. You needed customers to keep your pub going and the few regulars wasn't enough anymore when the business premises rent increased.

“So, I’ve been thinking about that date we talked about.” He said and your heartbeat started to race. Was he actually serious about that date after all?

“Yeah, what did you realise from that?” You let yourself ask.

“That I miss you, dearly,” you melted. He was actually serious! Or so you hoped that he was. “And we have two weeks till the next race after this one. So I thought about paying you a visit. If that’s not a problem. And like, I don’t know, make that drink I now owe you.”

“I would love that,” you smiled to yourself.

“Perfect, I really need to sleep now. But I call you and we make up the day and time!” You let out a small giggle and agreed, wishing him good luck on the weekend and a good night’s sleep before ending the call. The anxiety you had felt the last couple of days disappeared in an instant, making you fall asleep with a smile stuck on your face.

***

It was five days after the phone call that you decided to meet up, he was supposed to pick you up at five to invite you to dinner at his place, at his place! You were elated and had been trying to pick out something to wear for the last hour. What was the meaning for this date? Get to know each other? You had been talking at your pub for months. Sure, you didn’t know who he was alone, between the four walls he called home. But you could say that you knew who he was quite well when he was out. But five different dresses, two pairs of jeans and a skirt later you decided for something casual. A dress would be fine, it was quite sexuall in you should be honest but you felt yourself tonight. It was him, you had seen him drunk more times that when you had seen him sober at this time.

Five past five you got a text messenger that told you that he was outside, waiting. Putting on a jacket and your shoes, you made your way outside. His sports car stuck out along the sidewalk, making you feel small and out of place. He was rich, you knew that, but did he have to flex it on you?

You open the car door and slink into the soft seat. It was an amazing car, the outline of it made it easy to look at and the inside was screamingly expensive.

“Hi, you look beautiful tonight,” he said quietly. It made you feel better that he acted as nervous as you felt.

“Thank you,” you gave him a smile as he put a hand on your bare thigh. As a reflex you put your hand on his. Everything felt so natural, like the two of you had done this thousands of times before.

“I’m going to say this now so you are aware. But I got a spare room! But I promised you drinks and I’ve been to the shop just now, and I’m going to drink as well so I won’t be able to drive you home later.” You appreciated his honesty. But if you should be honest, you had been secretly wishing for a night at his place.

“I’m fine about that. Kind of had it coming when you talked about alcohol involved.” You watched the city move past the windows off the car as he drove you two, music on low volym and his hand still on you. Your chest is warm with so many feelings that you couldn’t name.

The car ride wasn’t long, the both of you had made smalltalk about the previous race weekend and his result. How he felt about it and what he expected for the next one. It was easy, almost too easy, you couldn't shake it off how everything felt so right.

“So, this is me.” He had said when you later had parked the car and made your way up to his apartment. He opened the door and the first thing you noticed was the view. It was a beautiful city you lived in and his apartment had the best view. The sun was setting and the pink and orange colors colored the white walls with a livingness you otherwise only saw in your dreams.

“It’s beautiful,” you say when you could tear your eyes away from the view to look around his home. It wasn’t big but it was really cossy. The kitchen was neat and the living room was framing the big windows that caught the beautiful city outside.

“Thanks, I thought about making you dinner first, don’t want you to get alcohol poisoning from my amazing drinks,” he said as he was on his way to the kitchen.

“Oh, please. I don’t think it’s something positive to kill someone on the first date you know?” He flashed you a challenging smile.

“If you say so.” The two of you started the dinner he had preplanned. You prepared the potatoes as he got the meat ready. Set the table and lit candles. It was melting your heart to get to do all this with him. To set the atmosphere together.

The food soon was placed on the table and you both enjoyed the meal. Talking about how both of your jobs went and what the plans were in twenty years, what you had for goals in life.

***

“Okay, I’ve been practicing. I’m not gonna lie.” He said as he started to take out a couple of bottles. “And because everyone likes Moscow Mule, I'm going to make one for you as a starter.” You nod in agreement as you watch him mix Smirnoff and Ginger beer.

A couple of minutes later he poured up two glasses, one each, and made his way over to the soffa where you had seated yourself with a pillow you found in your lap. You take the drink from him when he takes a seat next to you, an arm behind you on the backrest. You take a sip from the drink, trying it, seeing if it’s as good as the one you make daily.

“This is really good,” you say. And you can hear it in your own voice how the surprise came out.

“I said it before, I only go to your pub to get to see and talk to you, I usually make my own drinks if I feel like drinking.” He says and you feel how he lays his arm around you, it’s hesitated but he hugs your shoulder and you can’t help yourself as you lay your head against his shoulder. Taking another sip on your drink.

The candles now on the coffee table in front of you make it perfect. The two of you, a drink each and the small tune of some romance playlist he absolutely should have playing in the background. You had been arguing about the music before you started to cook the food, but now, he was right. It was an amazing playlist and fit the mood.

You finished your drink when you saw that he was already done with his. You had decided that you should be taking turns on mixing drinks. You gesticulated for his empty glass and made your way over to the table he had put all the bottles on.

“One or two?” You ask.

“Hmm, which one is the strongest?” He asks with a smile on his lips.

“They are quite equal in that, but I think you would love this one,” you said and started to blend the ingredients. You bring the finished drinks back and give him his glass back. Watching him take a sip, trying it out.

“Oh, my God. This is amazing.” He says and takes another sip. You laugh.

“That’s the name of it. Isn’t it amazing. The Oh, My God drink.” You laugh and take a sip of your own.

“It’s an amazing name for it.” He places his arm behind you again, playing with the ends of your hair. Drinking the drink and watching the candle dance in front of you.

His hand found his way into your hair, feeling how it stops and how he starts drawing circles behind your ear. How he gently turns your head so the two of you face each other. You get eye contact before you turn your gaze away, the nervousness starts to creep up on you. Your heart sped up and you can’t help but let your gaze linger on his lips. Wishing for the plump lips to be on yours. But what you didn’t know was that he was thinking the exact same thing. You could see how his lips came closer to your face as you let your eyes meet him. You can see the question in his eyes, licking his lips. And without overthinking about it, you press your lips to his, placing your drink on the table and then place your hand in his hair. Oh, what you had fantasised to drag your fingers through his hair.

He had placed his own glass at the table and soon had his hands on your hips, guiding your leg over his so you straddle his hips. Deepening the kiss as you feel his hands roaming your body as he tries to remember every inch of every curve that makes your body yours. You both high on each other, his hands not still on one place longer than a second and your hands in his hair, trying to get a grip on the situation. You feel how his tongue tries to get past your lips, and with no resistance at all, you part your lips. Both your tongues fight for dominance as you continue. But soon the air in your lungs ends and you need to break the kiss.

“If we continue this, I’m not sure I can end it.” He says breathlessly. His face is buried in your neck and you feel how he leaves kisses from your ear down to your collarbone.

“I don’t know if I want you to stop,” you let out a moan as he placed a kiss behind your ear on your sweet spot.

“You sure?” He asks, leaning back to look into your eyes. You meet his eyes and for a second you only sit like that. Letting the situation sink in, you in his lap, his kiss swollen lips and a desire for the both of you ecually strong for each other. You let your eyes close as you lean into his touch, breathing in his scent and feeling how he guides you to a new kiss.

“Then let's take this to the bedroom instead.” He grabs your lover back with one hand and carefully stands up by pushing himself up with the other hand. You lock your legs around his hips as his free hand finds its place under your bum, squeeze it as he connects your lips once again.

He guided the both of you to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss more than to breathe. He stops walking and you break the kiss to ask why he stops, but the only thing that leaves your lips is a small surprise sound as he drops you onto a soft fabrik, the bed.

“I’ve been thinking about this for so long, you have no idea what you do to me,” he says and buries his head in the crock of your neck, leaving kisses downwards.

“So have I, and I hope all your rumors are more than talk.” He looks into your eyes before pushing your dress up, letting his hands explore your naked legs, but his eyes never leave yours.

“Oh, baby, you have no idea what I can do to you,” and you hadn't, the evening had ended with the both of you, high of the orgasm and a new feeling he had named that day in your pub when he had first told you about his feelings. He was the love of your life as well. And you hoped that your story had only started.

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfiction #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen one shot #daniel ricciardo #pierre gasly #charles leclerc #reader x driver #racing car driver

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chayscribbles-archive · 3 years

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2021 ✨ chay’s writing year in review

well! 2021 certainly has been one of the years i’ve experienced. but besides *gestures vaguely* everything, 2021 unexpectedly turned out to be a breakthrough year for me in writing.

☆ STATISTICS.

total words written: 168 623

monthly word average: 14 052

projects worked on: the Andromeda trilogy, some other side stuff i didn’t get too invested in, and, uh, yeah it’s pretty much been AR brainrot all year

☆ HIGHLIGHTS.

finishing 2 drafts

writing like 20 fluffy, purely self-indulgent drabbles for like a month

(this one is my favourite)

i wrote a space shanty back in april??? ngl i almost forgot about that. it feels like ages ago

☆ A FEW COMMENTS.

after a drought of about 5 years where i was in perpetual unfinished project hell, the fact that i finished something is still so wild to me, let alone TWO somethings. and to think what it took for me to unblock was throwing my characters into space and being as self-indulgent about it as possible.

i’ve also finally accepted that i am truly a plantser at heart. i USED to be a plantser back before reading writing advice posts and getting caught up in trying to be a planner and worrying about every little detail of the story that by the time i was actually writing i just wasn’t having fun discovering my story. and as my characters often surprise me as i’m writing and sabotage my outline (not naming names, AZAMI BLACK-MIZUHARA), having no rigid outline for them to sabotage in the first place gave me at least an illusion of control over them.

actually, THE thing that i would consider the secret to my success this year is to allow myself to NOT write. especially with a relatively new job to stress me out, i couldn’t afford to burn myself out by forcing myself to write every day. maybe 2016!Chay could pound out a 40K novella in a month but 2021!Chay needed new ways to work.

i compiled some little spreadsheets and graphs to track my writing process. my daily average for AR1 was 453 words and 420 words (nice) for AR2, spread over about 5 and a half months for each draft. i very rarely wrote more than 1000 words in one day, and there were MANY days where i would just not write at all. sometimes i wouldn’t write for days on end, and it was hard, feeling like i HAD to be writing, being scared maybe this was it and i wouldn’t be able to write ever again, but knowing i needed to be resting. those rough patches always ended eventually and my writing was better off for it.

what i’m trying to say is, once i figured out what worked for ME, my writing flourished.

☆ 2022 GOALS.

i am SO tempted to be like “to finish AR3′s first draft” but i’m not gonna put that kind of pressure on myself.

my goal for the next year is just to continue working at my own pace and being patient with myself. if it takes ten years to finish AR3, so be it. it’ll be better than if i crash and burn trying to finish it all at once.

that being said i’m gonna start writing AR3 tomorrow because new year new draft and i have nearly nothing planned for it so far besides self-indulgence so wish me luck!!!!!

☆ IN CONCLUSION.

i want to thank everyone who’s been following my writing journey this year, who has read and reblogged my stuff and left nice comments, who has helped me untangle the knots in my plot or witnessed my many crises and breakdowns on discord and encouraged me through it all. not to be a cliche but i seriously wouldn’t have been able to do it all without you. i wish you all the very best in this upcoming year 💕

below, have those sexy graphs i was talking about, because i’m a slut for graphs and i couldn’t resist showing them off.

AR1:

notice the dip in activity in february when i was working on FinnPetra Fluff February. and also that one tall bar on very last day when i went absolutely ham LMAO

AR2:

i feel like for this one i was wildly swinging between “writing a shitton in one day” and “haven’t written in a week”. consistency? never heard of her.

☆ GENERAL TAGLIST. ask to be +/-.

@metanoiamorii @unleashing-screamingtemporaldoom @radiomacbeth @tragedieds @stardustspiral @summere21 @dutifullyloudmilkshake @spencers-tomes @avi-why @pulitzers-world @jadeywrites @hopeeternia @stormharbors @dgwriteblr @extra-magichours @cilly-the-writer @yuekki @catgirlnya @the-orangeauthor @cecilsstorycorner @savonigo @little-boats-on-a-lake @athensthebandit @quilloftheclouds @alicewestwater @chaotic-queer-disaster

#chayscribbles 2021 in review #sorry this is so long kjdfgkjkjfds #i really said 'a few comments' and then proceeded to write my third novel of the year

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

Text

Shake It Off

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 6

"She danced to forget him"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the Stark Tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 2,404

Warnings: as always language, Hydra, angst, mentions of and alludes to sex.

A/N: I really hope this series won't flop because I wrote all of the chapters before I started posting, and like I put so much of myself in this series- I just really hope it'll go well. This chapter is shorter because but it is much needed. I didn't post last week bc of the writers content freeze week, so here it is.

A/N2: the dividers were made by the awesome @chrissquares and @nacho-bucky beta read all of it!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

Steve's arms were around you as your tears stained his shirt, it must have been midnight by now. You came to his doorstep a little after Loki left you again. You knew what you were in for the second you agreed to the temporary bliss that he gave you, but you didn't expect all these old emotions to come back when he would leave you.

"I thought I'll be able to handle it. I thought it'll be worth the rush."

"It's alright darling, I know." You didn't see the angry frown between his eyebrows or his clenched jaw. He couldn't let the anger on the god get the best of him right now, you needed him more now- you needed comfort in a friend. After everything that happened, you knew you would always find safety in his embrace.

"Steve, did you know what he is?" you murmured into his neck a little while later.

"What do you mean?" pulling back he took a good look at your face, and you knew he could see every tear stain on your face and you wished you could hide yourself from him.

"That he is…" you didn't quite know how to describe it, your mind a bit fuzzy. "Blue."

"Oh, yeah we knew that."

"Wait, everyone knew that?" he started to rub your arm, the soft touch made your skin prickling from the cold with goose bumps spreading all over.

"There are a lot of things about him that you don't know Y/N, I really was just trying to protect you from him and from this pain." You nodded at him.

"I wish I'd listened to you sooner. I can't believe I didn't know anything, what else is there?"

You saw his mouth gape but no words came out.

"It's a lot, I'll tell you some other time." By the look on his face you knew you won't be getting any answers now. Nodding, you put your head back down.

"Can I stay here tonight?" you sniffled and thanked him for the tissues he gave you with a smile. You couldn't hear the answer he gave you between blowing your nose. "Can you repeat that please?"

He laughed at you but answered regardless, you were too adorable to deny.

"Of course, kid."

•

The loud beat made it hard for you to hear Natasha who was standing right next to you. It's been a couple of weeks now, and the noisy distraction of the club worked perfectly to take your mind off of anything else.

"What did you say?" you covered the top of the glass in your hand with your other hand, leaning forward to Nat.

"I said maybe we should get out of here, it's already pretty late and Wanda is drunk and you know what happens when she is drunk-"

"Things start to float and gravity is non-existent, yeah I know." You looked around the club, your eyes catching that of a dark eyed handsome man. "The two of you can go; I can take care of myself."

When you saw the two of them walk outside you went towards the beautiful gentleman.

Waking up to the sunshine you looked back at the sleeping man next to you, happy to find him still asleep you groaned at the headache when you got up. You collected your clothes from the floor, panicking for a second when he started to wake up but you quickly put him under, and you were out of the door soon after.

They never stayed, but neither did you. You heard the things people started saying about you in the Tower when they saw you coming back in the morning mostly alongside a sweaty Bucky who was back from a run and a worried Steve who tried to stay silent about how you were dealing with everything that happened.

They didn't like the amount of guys you hooked up with and left a day or so later. To you it was a nice pace but you knew the high of the alcohol and sex wouldn't last long, you needed something different. Plus, it wasn't your fault that they weren't interesting enough.

"Agent Y/N?" you heard the voice behind you coming into the room you sat in with Sam, planning the next stakeout.

"Yes? Oh hi Mike, what have you got for us?" the guy smiled at you and nodded towards the falcon.

"I have the schematics of the whole area that Agent Romanoff asked me to bring you." He handed you the folded papers and when your fingers lightly brushed his it was as if a light bulb lit up in your head.

Sitting back down you leaned forward with a smile.

"So, you said Natasha sent you to bring me these papers?" he nodded at you and you handed the papers to Sam. "Well that's very nice of you and I actually wanted to speak to you so it's a nice coincidence. Would you like to go out to dinner sometimes?"

Sam choked on his drink and made a lazy excuse to get out of the room.

"Really, you want to go out with me?" You couldn't help but actually find him cute when he wasn't as shy now as usual.

"Yeah, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to." He flashed you a smile at that, and that's how it all started.

•

It was a month later when you walked with Mike down a park with ice cream cones in your hands. He intertwined your free hands together.

Looking at him now, it was simple to see that he is sensible and incredibly nice too, you knew he is everything a girl could dream of getting.

The two of you were close now to the Tower and the charming guy that he is he opened up the door for you to walk in first. When you were inside you kissed him goodbye as he headed back to his department from his break that he spent with you.

You turned around, only to notice Steve leaning back against the wall of the elevator, waiting for it. You cleared your throat when you got closer, not looking forward to have a talk with Steve that surely will come.

It started the moment the elevator doors closed behind the two of you.

"So, you've been dating this guy for about a month now, right?" he started casually and you only nodded.

"Mike seems like a really good guy actually, I know you didn't want to talk with me about him especially after-"

"After what?" you scoffed. "After Loki left? I have Mike now, and he is much better than him."

"Well it's good to hear you're happy now. He reminds me of the guys back in my time."

"Old?"

"Gentlemen."

"Well he is, it's only been a month but I couldn't have asked for anything better."

"According to Tony, he is an excellent employee too." The smirk on his face didn't go unnoticed.

"You did a background check on him? You can't just do that!"

"Stark and I just wanted to see some stuff. Plus, he is Tony's employee so he can do background checks anytime he likes."

"You guys are horrible." You grumbled and attempted to punch Steve's shoulder but it ended up hurting your fist. You huffed in frustration when he laughed at you.

•

Another month went by and you found yourself keeping busy whether it was with training, or missions or going out with Mike and your friends. This week though was blank of anything to do. Steve banned you from the gym, saying that you're working out too much, which caused the stubborn father and daughter to spar with the loser doing whatever the winner wanted them to do. Bucky looked exasperated at the two of you from the sides, and you heard a Thank God being murmured when Steve finally pinned you to the ground and won.

In your room you decided to clean it up a bit. By cleaning you really mean redesigning your whole room while making a total mess and reminiscing on old stuff. Going through your dresser you found some old jewelry boxes, opening one you saw old stuff you used to wear and sorting through them would probably be for the best.

That's when there was a knock at your door, turning around you saw Mike standing there.

"Oh hi, what are you doing here?"

"Captain Rogers let me up, I just wanted to see you and ask if you wanted to maybe come to my apartment after work?"

"Sorry about the mess, I'm in the middle of cleaning." You left the box jumped over piles of things to reach him and give him a soft kiss. "Yeah sure that sounds great."

"I know we said that we would take this slow, but I was kind of hoping we could take this to the next level." A boyish grin spread on his face and you felt gentle kisses as he nestled his face in your throat. "What do you say?"

"Yes. I'd love that." You kissed him back then until he had to go back to work.

Quickly, you closed all the boxes and put them back in their place, forgetting all about reorganizing. Now you have a more exciting thing to do.

•

You woke up the next day to a soft snoring behind you, and an arm wrapped around your waist. The sun was barely out yet, leaving the room with a small glow of orange and red.

You saw your dress on the floor of his room and felt the soft sheets covering you, shivering you pulled them closer and tried to close your eyes to get a little bit more rest.

"Are you sure, darling?" Loki had asked you then when the two of you were barely dressed and breathing heavily between kisses.

"I'm more than sure, Loki I want you." He stopped kissing your neck and pulled back which made you whine and pull at his shoulders.

"Do you think you can handle a god, my love?" you wished you could wipe out the smirk on his face, which is what you did when you pulled yourself up to claim his lips with yours.

"I've handled you this far, so for the love of the gods just fuck me, please." You whimpered at the end of the sentence when you felt his hands start to roam your skin.

"As you wish, my dear." Loki will forever give you anything you ask for.

You woke up with the sunshine painting the room golden as you backed up against the warm chest behind you. You've never felt this warm before, with the man who took over your heart and soul and the love marks he left on you- claiming you. You could still feel the bliss from last night engulfing you with him in this room.

"Did you sleep well?" you turned to the dark haired prince who held a smile that matched yours. Sleep still hang between his eyes.

"Perfect." He pulled you in and suddenly you weren't tired anymore.

The man next to you was still asleep when he changed his position, turning to his other side. You sank deeper into the bed, letting the memories drown you until sleep took over.

•

Yet another month flew by and you could barely remember any of it. Yes there were some successful missions against Hydra, and there were some less successful ones too. In between you went on more dates with Mike and he definitely helped you.

"So I planted a virus in his computer that changed all of his autocorrect!" you burst out laughing at the end of his story.

"And you did all of that because he stole your girl?" he nodded and you laughed harder. "No one can steal a girl, a girl leaves if she wants to. If she left you for someone else then she didn't deserve you."

Your hand was on his thigh and he put his over it with a small chuckle.

"Maybe, but I am certainly not going to let you go." He kissed your knuckles. "I've liked you for a long time you know, and not just as a colleague."

"So I've been told."

"Oh?"

"Natasha told me a little while ago, sometime before we got together. I must say I didn't notice until she said that."

"Well I am offended, oh you hurt me deeply Y/N." you pushed him away from you but brought him back for a quick peck on his cheek."

"Do you forgive me now?" he pondered about it.

"I think I might need a little more."

"I'm sure we can arrange that." Leaning in again, the phone began to ring and he leaned his forehead against yours.

"That's work."

"Always comes in the way."

"Speaks the girl who goes to week long missions!" he stood and went back a few steps.

"You chose to date that girl from your free will!"

•

You've been together for almost half a year now… shy two or three months. You couldn't help thinking how this is probably the guy that you needed, someone steady who took good care of you and made you feel cared for. He never was late, and always so attentive listening to every word you said. How can you need anything more? That was a question that pestered your brain, trying to find reason in your numb heart.

You always smiled around him, and Steve obviously approved judging from the amount of time he let him go into the Avengers quarters. You knew you were attracted to him. It was hard not to be. And yet, it wasn't just there yet- it wasn't like it was with him. It must be a good thing though.

•

"Is this all you got?"

"Sir, you have to understand- we didn't have much time to get all that we needed, we still don't know a lot." Doctor Zazu sighed at the small bunch of paper in front of him.

"Very well, for now we will work on the safe room- you better take care of it. I have enough work working on the formula for the asset." The agents nodded and the doctor turned around to look at the chair, the similarities were uncanny but he improved it, now he is sure this will work- there is no other option.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

#loki x reader #my writing #1989 #shake it off #1989 taylor's version #1989 loki's version #loki #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson #loki imagines #fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki series #loki laufeyson #loki show

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mf-despair-queen · 4 years

Text

Stranded - Thomas

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Pairing: Thomas/Reader

Word Count: 11,426

Summary: You hated him. You despised him. He was arrogant for what he had done, taking down WICKED. He was the reason that your friends had died in the attack. But, when you find yourself stuck at sea, or even worse, stranded on a deserted island with Thomas, you find yourself realizing you were wrong.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Unprotected Sex, Oral, Choking, Sex in the Water, kinda public sex I guess?, Multiple Orgasms, Dirty Talk

Notes: I guess I live??? I guess I still write. I don’t even know anymore y’all. I’m sorry I don’t post often these days. And I’m sorry this is as late as it is. It was meant for @writingsbychlo‘s Thomas month three months ago but between work and laziness, I didn’t finish on time. Because, essentially, I suck ass. And tbh, I’m not incredibly happy with the outcome of this. It could have been way better than it was because I loved the idea a lot. But at this point, it’s as good as it’s going to get and I just want it done and out there. Hope y’all enjoy it. Big thanks to @roscoeknows and @brien-odylan for always pushing me with this, and @jagked-up for being a sweetie and proofreading for me.

“Gather around everyone!” Vince yelled, his voice dictating the crowd of survivors to the beach front for the early morning discussions. You flopped to the sandy ground, wrapping your arms loosely around your knees that were tucked into your chest. Sharing a few nods with your friends as they passed by, you avoided the gaze of the ex-WICKED test subjects from maze A.

Many of the boys were kind and you got along with easily, but it was the tall, dark haired former runner that never struck you right. Upon learning that he had worked with WICKED growing up, and the downfall of the Right Arm shortly after his arrival, you decided to stay clear of the man, choosing to never forgive him for ruining the home you worked so hard for - causing the death of those who were close to you and raised you to who you are now. That, and he always seemed to be full of himself for his help in saving many people and stopping WICKED.

Well, that’s what you heard from some of your closest friends at least.

You had never truly interacted with the male for long periods of time. It was always in passing during dinner or around camp while getting work done. He would occasionally try to strike up a conversation, but you gave some excuse before running off, letting out a huff of annoyance that he would never get the hint. His aura was aggravating without reason, but you had no plans to befriend the amnesiac.

Turning your gaze towards Vince, who stood upon a rickety stage made of driftwood and fallen branches along the edge of the forest behind camp that you feared would break under his heavy, muscled stature and weighted boots, your ears perked up to hear his morning announcements.

“Good morning everyone,” he called, voice as authoritative as ever. “Based on some recent discussions and feedback from everyone for their tasks around the Safe Haven we have decided to try out a new method for jobs. Moral has been low because people have been mentioning that they have felt things have gone stale because they’ve been doing the same job every day since we situated here, free of infection, free from WICKED."

“So, in an attempt to raise the mood around here, we will be testing out a lottery draw for daily tasks. Remember, this is just a trial run to see how people like it and I think it’ll be good for everyone to be familiar with all of the jobs. And so you are all aware, there will be no job swapping. Once you choose something, that is what you’ll be doing for that day.”

You pouted at yourself, huffing in annoyance. A lottery? Seriously? There were a number of jobs you wished to avoid, namely the ones that involved tending to the pigs that were being raised and handling slimy things that made you cringe. To top it off, you would potentially have to work with people you didn’t know or get along with instead of the people you knew you could stand for more than a few hours.

“We have set up a station outside the dining commons for you to choose your job for the day. And we’ll get some feedback during dinner to see how things went. We’ll decide after a couple weeks if we want to keep it like this, try something new, or go back to how it was before. So please everyone, line up to draw your job for the day.”

You let out a heavy sigh, watching numerous people rush towards the job drawing, uttering something about wanting to be first in line or hoping that they have a better chance at a better task. You were slow to stand, regrettably joining the line of people while patting the sand off your backside. Silently praying you didn’t get struck with a case of bad luck for once, you watched people one by one choose their jobs. Some cheered while others wept, being consoled by their friends. Your own friends - or the group you typically hung with - chose their jobs, luckily ending up in the same task of harvesting the gardens.

Your eyes narrowed on the group of former test subjects that chatted happily after choosing their jobs. Minho, the hulky athletic male of the group, flexed and laughed at his choosing of forest running, gathering food and wood for the village. Newt, the timid brainiac that was lucky to have survived not only a stab wound but the Flare as well, was working the medical room, which he seemed pleased about. Whereas Thomas, your least favorite person in the Safe Haven, was silent, showing an awkward, lopsided smile that you couldn’t read. Was he happy about his job? Disappointed? Apathetic?

Who cares.

You turned from the trio as you approached the box yourself, staring one of the leaders named Mark in the eye. With a short nod at the older gentleman, you stuck your small hand through the hold in the top, feeling the dwindled number of papers inside. One last inaudible prayer later, you were pulling the slip out, eyes clenched shut and bated breath.

Your heart fell when you finally cracked your eyes open, seeing the words sloppily written on the strip. Fishing. You dreaded fishing. As much as you loved to eat the seafood that was brought back each day, you couldn’t stand the task itself. You hated the tedious task of dropping a net or sitting with a pole, waiting for something to happen while the boat that you felt would capsize with ease, swaying with the ocean waves. Add in dealing with the fish, grabbing at their slimy, scaly bodies while they wiggled aimlessly was less than appealing.

Why, of all things, did you have to draw fishing?

You let your thoughts consume you as you dragged your feet towards the beach where the small boat was waiting. With the lack of resources, and a recently lost boat from a hole in the bottom, only two people that could go fishing at the moment. There was a stockpile in the Safe Haven, luckily, but no one wanted to let the supply drop too low too fast. Your thoughts drifted to who you could be paired with. Hopefully it was someone that could manage for you both, that enjoyed fishing more than you. Maybe you would get paired with Gally, or even Aris. They were people that could manage stuff like this.

“Hey Y/N.”

With a screech, you fell forward into the sand, caught off guard at the deep voice before you. The person cursed, rushing forward to help you up. A somewhat tanned, veiny hand extended towards you, appearing in your sight to counter the grainy ground under you that your knees and hands were buried in.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, a blush spreading over your cheeks as you took their hand. But the blush disappeared, your face paling when you realized who it was. Thomas stood before you, helping you to stand to your feet. He gave a toothy smile, staring at you with chocolate hazelnut eyes. The sparkle in his orbs diminished slightly when you slid your hand from his, turning away to brush off your jeans. “Oh, hi Thomas.”

“Don’t sound so thrilled to see me,” he sarcastically bit, tilting his head. You scoffed at him, earning a frown from the man.

“What are you doing here?” you asked shortly.

Thomas rose a brow, turning and pointing at the small boat that was sitting on the shore, already filled with the various fishing supplies you would need. “I drew fishing today,” he said, turning back to you. “I assume you did too?”

“Great,” you mumbled under your breath, letting out a sigh. Holding up the small paper for him to see, you spoke up, “Yeah. I’m unfortunately fishing today.”

“Unfortunate because you hate fishing?” He asked. You were about to nod in confirmation before he continued. “Or, unfortunate because you’re with me?”

At his harsh statement, you frowned, gaping at the man. You struggled to find the right words for him, mouth opening and closing a few times before you managed to utter one word. “Thomas…”

“Come on,” he cut you off, nodding towards the small boat, giving that same awkward smile as before. “We have fishing to do and I’d rather not get bitched at by Vince later.”

That made you snicker, nodding in agreement. “Same though.”

Before long, you were rowing out into the middle of the ocean, the shoreline disappearing. You struggled to prepare the nets and rods, not wanting to watch Thomas row the boat. You hated to admit, but up close, he was handsome. And with him straining his muscles to row, you could easily see his biceps flexing through his dark blue shirt. The sleeves ended just below his elbow, so you had a clear shot of the veins that protruded along his arms.

It was a struggle not to watch him, constantly reminding yourself that you didn’t care for the man before you after everything that happened.

An uncomfortable silence settled between you both when he settled on a spot that seemed to be flourishing with fish. The net was dropped and the rods were cast. You sat in the boat away from each other, staring off into the distance with your backs together, the waiting game upon you. The sun was slowly moving overhead, taunting you with the passage of time. Despite the abundance of fish, nothing seemed to be biting.

Your heart was steadily hammering faster, yet you couldn’t tell if it was because you were sitting alone with Thomas or if it was because every jostle of the boat left you anxious. Thomas seemed to notice your skittish nature behind him, feeling your body jerk and tremble every time the boat would rock more than the last time.

“Are you ok?” he asked, turning to look at you over his shoulder. The second he asked, the boat shook, making you squeal in surprise.

“Fuck, I’m going to die,” you cried, placing the rod aside and resting your elbows on your knees. Thomas blinked, placing his own rod down so he could turn and stare at you.

“Come again?”

“Don’t you get it? I’m too young to die at sea!” you cried louder. The boat shook again, making you squeak once more. “Fuck, I swear that has got to be a shark. This is something straight out of Jaws!”

“...Jaws?”

“Yeah, you know,” you ranted, turning to face him. “That classic movie about the shark that was terrorizing Amity Beach? They had like… three sequels? It was a massive shark that would come and kill people!”

“I… don’t know.”

“Well, what about 47 Meters Down? Granted, we don’t have a diving cage, but we could basically be surrounded by sharks and we have nowhere to go. We are in the middle of the ocean, Thomas!”

“I don’t know that one either.”

“How could you not know them?” you hollered.

Thomas scoffed. “Well, excuse me for losing my memory while in the maze.”

“But I thought you got some memories back from that… that one thing.” You faintly remember hearing about that from your friends.

“I remembered stuff about WICKED. Doesn’t mean I remember your shitty movies!” he snapped.

You growled at him. “God, why are you such an asshole?”

“Why are you such a bitch?” he huffed.

“Thanks for the compliment. I know I’m a babe in total control of herself,” was your smug response, flashing him a smirk. Thomas rolled his eyes, turning away from you.

“God, why did I have to get stuck with you?” he grumbled.

“Because I’m obviously amazing,” you told him, turning to stare at the horizon.

“Fuck you.”

“You would like that.”

You expect him to retort, but he said nothing. You blinked in confusion, turning back to him. He wasn’t facing you, so you only got the backside of his head. Your face fell, a sorrowful thump in your chest making it ache. For some reason, you felt bad for his silence, afraid you had done something wrong. It felt as though his mood dropped, and you couldn’t pinpoint why.

Instead of asking though, you turned and picked up the rod, hoping something would bite soon.

“You know,” he spoke up suddenly, making you jump. “I know you don’t like me.”

Shocked, you turned to him, only to find he still wasn’t facing you. “What? Thomas, no. I don’t-”

“I understand though,” he murmured. “You were happy with the Right Arm before we came. And then within one day, everything you knew and loved was lost. You lost those who practically raised you, like Mary. And it’s all my fault.”

“Thomas…”

“I’ve been trying to make amends for what happened. I know I can’t change what happened, but I wanted to apologize. And you’re the last person I need to apologize to for what happened. I really fucked up that day and I feel bad that I caused so many problems. But you never give me the chance to apologize to you because you are always ignoring me.”

You stared down at your feet, guilt washing over you. This entire time, you had scrutinized him for what he had done and what had happened, judging him for things of his past. You never took the chance to learn who he was and understand how he was feeling. You sighed softly, shifting in your seat, letting silence befall you again.

The boat shook, making you gasp, grasping at the edges of the boat. “Oh my god. What the fuck was that?”

Thomas chuckled. “It was just the waves, Y/N. Calm down.”

“If I get eaten by a shark-” The boat shook more, making you both stumble slightly in the uneven waves. “Oh my god. It’s Jaws!”

“There is no Jaws!”

“I’m too young to die at sea! Why did I have to get ‘fishing’? If I was going to die, why couldn’t I, oh I don’t know, follow the butterflies?” you bellowed. “Fuck, I hate the ocean. Nothing good ever happens out here.”

“Y/N-”

“Is it Jaws?!”

Thomas turned quickly in his seat, just as you turned to face him, wrapping his arms around you.

“Hold on!”

Your eyes widened, feeling the boat shake and shift, being tossed around as the water around you grew aggressive. Your skin paled, barely managing to take a gulp of air before the large wave that was hurtling towards you crashed into the boat, sending you and Thomas toppling into the dark ocean. The waves pushed you around, Thomas barely able to keep his grasp on you.

Your head was spinning.

Your eyes were blurry and unfocused, burning from the salt water.

Your throat ached, wanting to breathe air that wasn’t present as you struggled to figure out which way was up.

Your vision slowly blurred, going black before long, suffocating on the water around you.

A burst of air filled your lungs, your body retching to rid itself of water. You were turned on your side as the water escaped, low heaves and coughs leaving you. When you managed to catch your breath, breathing normally, you flopped back onto your back, staring up at the blue sky. Blinking a few times, you tried to remember what happened.

“Are you ok?” Thomas spoke beside you.

That’s when it hit. You turned to him, eyes slowly widening. You jumped to your feet, stumbling around to look at your surroundings. There was a forest on one side, and the ocean on the other. Wood from the destroyed boat was still washing onto the shore, some of your belongings that managed to survive were scattered in the sand. Nothing was in sight around you - no Safe Haven close to return to.

You glanced down at Thomas, taking note of his dripping wet locks that stuck to his forehead. His shirt and pants clung to his limbs, making his chest and arms stick out more, accentuating the thick thighs you never took the time to notice. Sand stuck to his wet skin, but he didn’t seem fazed by the grainy substance. He was panting, slouched in the sand before where you form once laid.

“Be careful,” he called. “Don’t rush too fast. You just woke up from nearly drowning.”

“Where are we?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” he hummed lowly. “When I finally managed to get us to the surface, this is where we had ended up.”

“So, are you trying to say,” you choked, crouching down into a ball. “That we are stranded?”

“I think so.”

“I’m stranded here with you?” Thomas nodded. You groaned, taking a handful of sand and throwing it away from you both. “Fuck!”

“Y/N, calm down-”

You didn’t listen, rushing to the edge of the water. The waves splashed around your already wet feet, your shoes sinking into the wet sand. “Hello?” you called loudly, cupping your mouth to amplify your voice. “Can anyone hear me? Help! We are stuck out here!”

“Hey, hey. Stop that,” Thomas called, standing from his seat and making his way towards you. He took your hands as you continued to scream into the abyss, turning you to face him. “Stop screaming like that.”

“No, leave me alone! I’m not going to die here with you!”

“Y/N, stop!” he called, holding you struggling form tighter. You eased into him when he raised his voice. “That’s not going to help. You’re just going to wear yourself out faster that way.”

“But-”

“If you continue to scream, you will just make yourself tired and thirsty. And the last thing we need is for you to be dehydrated. You will die faster if that’s the case.” You swallowed thickly, tears brimming in the corners of your eyes. “We need to focus on finding food, water and shelter. Then we can figure out how to get home. We need to make sure we are safe first.”

“But, how?” you sniffled, fear finally kicking in. “I can barely fish.”

“Don’t worry about it. I will handle it,” he whispered, pushing your wet hair back. He grimaced when he felt grains of sand interlaced in your strands, but kept a smile on his face. “Just make sure to keep up, alright smallfry?”

You huffed when he turned away, moving to gather some of the supplies that survived. “I’m not a smallfry, you tree!” you called out to him, chasing after the man.

You managed to gather some emergency supplies that had been luckily sealed to keep from getting wet, giving you a blanket, flint for a fire, and a small knife. It wasn’t much, but it was all Thomas needed before he ventured into the jungle. Though, it wasn’t before you had convinced him to let you spell out an SOS in the sand with rather heavy rocks you found along the coast.

Trekking through the dense jungle, soaked from head to toe in salt water, the humidity piercing the air until your skin stuck more than before, and exhaustion beginning to set into your limbs, was the last thing you had thought would happen when you awoke that morning. Let alone you were with Thomas of all people.

On one hand, if you were going to be stuck with anyone, Thomas was a prime candidate. He had survived the Maze and the Scorch, he was fit and able to hunt for food if needed, and he'd carry you with ease if you suddenly fell flat on your face after tripping over the many tree roots that seemed to wrap themselves around your ankles, tugging at your despair. On the other hand, it was Thomas. The traitor, the ex-WICKED member, the know it all.

You frowned at the thought, glancing up to stare at the back of his head, watching the brown tuft of hair flowing in the breeze that skated by. His shirt stuck to his form with sea water and sweat, his arms effortlessly flexing whenever he pushed aside branches, leaves and bushes. Your mind raced back to the discussion on the boat and Thomas’ plea for forgiveness echoing in your ears. Our stomach clenched with the familiar sense of guilt you had before the tsunami-like wave capsized your tiny haven.

Maybe you had judged him too quickly after all. He was making advances to move on and seek retribution for everything. You were stuck in the past, unwilling to forgive what happened to friends back then.

Maybe it was time to start moving on...

Though, that thought didn’t change that you were stuck alone on this uninhabited island with him. Alone with a fairly attractive man...

Shaking your head quickly to rid yourself of the indecent thoughts, your cheeks flaring up, you hustled forward to join his side. The silence between you was unnerving, the only sound around being your rapid heartbeat that seemed to speed up when you sideways glanced at his face. Unconsciously, you found yourself counting the moles that starred his jawline.

No, stop. What are you doing?

“So, uh,” you cleared your throat speaking up, trying to distract yourself from the plague that kept entering your mind. “What is the plan?”

“We should find water and shelter,” he voiced, cut off by the loud growl of your stomach. Your cheeks lit up, not only due to the embarrassment caused by the protests of hunger your body let out, but also the flips your stomach did at the sound of his deep, but melodic laughter. His dark eyes darted to you, a goofy, lopsided grin inching his cheeks upright. “And food too, I guess. We need fresh water and shelter first and foremost though.”

“And how exactly are we supposed to find that?” you questioned, jumping over a rock and nearly faceplanting. Thomas caught you swiftly, adding more heat to your already warm face. Uttering a low thank you, you continued after him, afraid to speak more.

“Well, I guess we should try to listen for some water. If we can find a stream or river, we can probably follow it for a bit.”

“You mean like that?”

You spied a small stream beyond a set of trees, Thomas’ face lighting up at the sight. “Exactly! Let’s go!”

You laughed at his excitement, though you missed the soft smile Thomas gave hearing you laugh the way you did. He rushed towards the stream of water with you hot on his heel, following the water flowing down the island. A more comfortable silence fell between you this time, making your way through the jungle together.

“Eureka!” Thomas finally exclaimed, dashing away from you.

“H-hey! Don’t just leave me alone you asshole! Or I will never forgive you!”

“Story of my life,” was his snarky reply, but the joking words made your heart clench while wincing to yourself. He wasn’t wrong, but it stung to hear it so bluntly. “Now, hurry up and get over here!”

A silent sigh left your lips before rushing after him, stumbling to a stop at his side in awe. A small lake was at the end of the stream you were following, the water sparkling with the sun's rays glaring down at it. A small waterfall stood in the distance, white foam coating the base, rippling waves making the water glisten and shimmer. You stared in awe at the sight, gawking at the beauty.

“Yahoo!” Thomas screamed before diving straight into the water, belongings dropped carelessly to the ground, making you gasp in shock. Dots of cold water sprinkled along your face, causing you to shrink back in surprise and yelp loudly.

“Thomas!” You screamed at him when he resurfaced, kicking his legs to stay afloat. The man pushed back his dark tresses of hair, wiping the water away from his face. He didn’t care that he was fully clothed, fabric clinging to his muscled form. He was content laying back in the water, eyes glued to the blue sky.

“This is nice.”

“You’re an asshole,” you scowled.

His heavenly laugh resounded through the air, your stomach knotting at the noise. Your eyes followed the man as he flipped in the water, diving into the water again before swimming to the other edge near the waterfall. A tired heave escaped as you sat in the nearby grass, sliding off your wet shoes and socks and slipping your aching, waterlogged feet into the lake. The cool water felt refreshing, a sense of calm hitting you almost instantly. You leaned back on your hands, allowing yourself to unwind for the first time since you awoke on the sandy beach.

“Hey!” Thomas called, making you crack an eye in his direction. He was waving at you from afar, standing at the edge of the waterfall. He pointed towards the falling rapids, calling out, “There is a small cave back here! I think we can use this as shelter!”

“Are you sure?” You hollered back. Thomas nodded, diving into the water and swimming towards you. When he arrived, he stayed in the water, resting on the edge of the lake on his arms.

“Yeah. It’s small, but I think it'll do. It’s dry enough for us to have a fire but it’ll keep any animals out.”

“If I die tonight because you are wrong and some animal mauls me while I sleep, I am coming back to haunt you.”

Thomas grinned, lifting himself out of the water to grab the gear he dropped. The water made his pants sag, exposing the elastic of the dark boxers he had on. You blushed and turned away, listening to him rummage around in the waterproof bag of emergency goods.

“I’m going to try and gather some food from the trees. Do you think you can gather some wood for a fire? We can use the bag and tarp that was inside to keep it dry when we head in,” he suggested, tossing both in your direction.

“I guess. But let me rest for a bit longer please,” you hummed, turning to look at him. Thomas nodded at your words, pocketing a knife set. Turning was a bad decision - Thomas at that moment was stripping off his wet shirt, giving you full display of his toned upper torso, complete with check hair and happy trail dipping into his waistband. His broad shoulders and arms flexed as he stretched, folding the shirt and placing it down with the spare belongings in the bag. His long legs carried him towards some trees with mysterious fruit hiding in the tops, your eyes tracing the back muscles you didn’t know you needed until now.

The man proceeded to climb the tree carefully, trying not to slip too much from his wet pants. Watching him pull himself up, arms bulging and veins prominent along his skin even from a distance, made your body heat up, legs rubbing together slightly. The attractive man left your mind reeling. A shaky breath left your lips, your head turning away quickly.

What the fuck? You thought to yourself, staring at your reflection. Since when did I think of Thomas as attractive?

The soft thunk of fruits being cut down from the tree made your ears ring, eyes darting to stare at the man in the tree before returning to the water. You saw how red your face was.

I thought I hated him. I thought I despised him. But ever since he said he’s been trying to apologize for what happened, I can’t help but think… You groaned, ruffling your knotted hair. Have I just always found him attractive but chose to ignore it because I was irrationally angry at him?

“Aw fuck,” you heard Thomas groan when he fell on his ass while descend the tree. The man stood from the ground, rubbing his sore buttox before moving to the next tree, repeating his attempts to gather food. You giggled to yourself, tucking some loose hair away.

“Maybe I have been too harsh on him,” you sighed to yourself, feeling your heartbeat picking up. “Maybe it’s time to move on and forgive him.That fucking attractive asshole.”

“Hey, don’t get too comfortable! Help a brotha out!” he joking called before jumping onto another tree ungracefully, shimmying up the trunk slowly.

“I know, asshole!”

Hesitantly, you pulled yourself from the ground, grumbling lowly at yourself as you dragged the supplies to the small cave before heading off to find sticks. The entire time you gathered the broken twigs and branches that littered across the ground, your eyes kept lingering on the broad, muscular form in the distance. Setting your eyes on his form made your heart race, face heating up from something other than the setting sun in the distance. You ached, but not from the strenuous task of obtaining firewood for warmth that night. As you crouched for wood, your legs rubbed together to relieve the throbbing sensation that racked your lower body. Your mind was plagued with him - how you never noticed his beautiful or funny personality through your initial judgment. Deep down, you knew he was hot… but it didn’t strike until now just how much you really liked him.

And being stuck with him, seeing how much he cared, only deepened the feeling. Rapidly, at that. You were smitten in a matter of hours, putting aside your hatred to see the real side of the man.

When you walked into the cave, it was silent. Thomas said nothing, busy setting up the blanket so you had a somewhat comfortable place to rest until help, hopefully, arrived. You pouted, a sudden overwhelming sense of doubt hitting you. Though he never showed it, insecurity struck, suggesting to you that he was actually uncomfortable with the situation - that he actually was upset that you had resented him for so long. Despite his attempted apology in the smash boat, he really was unhappy that you wouldn’t accept him.

And here you were, pining over the man suddenly as a new light was making his presence glow in the darkness, giving you some hope, security and a very flushed face at the simplest thoughts. How the tables turned in your mind.

The sun was nearly gone, giving the sky a faint, blue glow, the remnants of pinks and oranges fading into black. Thomas quietly started a fire, the crackling embers flaring up after a few harsh breaths from the man to fan the flames. Both of you settled onto the blanket, nibbling on the fruits he had gathered. A decent gap was between you, your butt at the edge of the blanket just like his.

Listening to the crackle of the fire made your mind race with uneasy thoughts. Occasionally, as you bit into the mysterious, but sweet food, you would glance at the man beside you, finding his eyes glued to the fire before you. Eyes traced his side profile, heating up as you admired his sharp jawline speckled in freckles and moles, bits of scruff forming on his chin.

He hadn’t shaved recently.

Your stomach fluttered, knotting tightly with delight and discomfort. He was handsome, something you would have never admitted before today, but the cold shoulder was killing you. Your mouth was dry, tongue darting out in an attempt to relieve the crackling feeling with no result. Your heart pounded against your chest before turning away, tugging your lip between your teeth to nibble at unconsciously.

Now that you were ready to forgive him, this new feeling was taking over. You really liked him, and you wanted to get to know him more. You were tired of judging him for what happened. You had the wrong perception of him. But, you had to make things right.

“Thomas,” you croaked. The man turned his head; you could feel his chocolate colored eyes on the side of your head, trying to pierce you. The words didn’t want to come out when you opened your mouth, unsure what you wanted to say or ask. You finally managed after a handful of attempts to utter one line: “Do you hate me?”

“What?” he asked, more to himself than to you. When you glanced at him, he was shocked, gawking in your direction. The leg he had tucked into him as he ate was extended, body turned to face you better.

“I just,” you started, twiddling your fingers together. “I’ve been so hard on you since we got to the safe haven. I hated you because of what happened with the Right Arm. But I never gave you a chance to make amends for that. I know you didn’t deserve the treatment I gave you, but I did it anyway, believing that you were this cocky know-it-all for being the savior that took down WICKED. And, I’m sorry for that.

“I shouldn't have judged you so prematurely. I shouldn’t have shunned you or pushed you away when all you wanted was to be friends, to make up for what happened because I get it; you feel guilty for what happened. You blame yourself when you shouldn’t. It wasn’t even your fault when you think about it. And now… we’re stuck here and I just… I keep feeling like because of how poorly I’ve treated you that you hate me now. I’ve done you wrong and you have no reason to treat me kindly. Sure, survival is one thing but… I’m sure you hate me.”

“I could never,” he voiced without a thought, startling you.

Staring up at him, you whispered, “What?”

“I could never hate you,” he hummed, returning to hugging a knee to his chest. “Quite the opposite really.”

“I’m not following.”

Thomas chuckled, continuing, “You were the one I wanted to apologize to the most because of how much I liked you. I’ve…” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I’ve had a massive crush on you for the longest time. You’re the smartest, strongest and most beautiful woman in the safe haven to me. I couldn’t but to develop a small… well, a massive crush on you. And I wanted to ask you to give me a chance, but you would always walk away when I got the courage to talk to you. I knew I had hurt you but I wanted to try. So, yeah. I could never hate you.”

It was your turn to gawk at him. Your cheeks burned, staring at the handsome man in shock. Your mouth opened and closed, unable to say anything for the longest time. And when you finally managed to say anything, you only could say, “I’m going to take a bath!”

Thomas laughed when he watched you rush out, jumping into the shallow water just outside the cave fully clothed. Collapsing onto a rock, water coming up to your waist, you huffed, burrowing your face in your palms.

“God, I’m stupid. He fucking likes me too. He has a crush on me. And here I’m starting to crush on him. What did I fucking run?!”

Sighing, you peeled the wet shirt over your head, struggling to strip yourself of your pants. Since you were already in the water, you figured you should at least wash up the best you could, choosing to scrub your tattered clothes a bit to rid them of dirt and grime. The wet clothes, after you were done, we placed aside, allowing you to sink further into the water. A content breath left your lips, looking up at the stars that made the sky glow.

“So, you like me too?”

You jumped, turning around with arms crossed over your chest to hide your almost bare chest. The cocky male sat at the base of the cave, still shirtless from his earlier excursion.

“Can you not?!” you screamed, splashing water in his direction.

“Sorry, sorry,” he teased. “I initially came to check on you after you ran off, and you’ve been out here for a bit. Wanted to make sure something didn’t eat you.”

“I appreciate the concern, but can you not stare at my chest?” you grumbled, noticing his stare at the water, right where your hands were. “And what gave you the impression that I like you too?”

“You know I could hear you, right?” You blushed, sinking further into the water. “Listen, I’m glad you are starting to like me too. But I will leave you be. I will let you tell me when you’re ready. I’m honestly just... “ He stopped for a second. “I’m just glad you don’t hate me anymore.”

“I don’t think I ever really hated you,” you admitted to him. “I was just blind to how much I really did like you. I never took the time to notice how handsome, smart and funny you are. I lied to myself that I didn’t like you when I’m pretty sure I liked you a hell of a lot.”

“You know, being stranded on this island sucks,” he hummed playfully. “But, I’m glad I’m here with you. It really is something special.”

“Thomas.”

“I will leave you be to clean up. I shouldn’t bother you. But please give me a holler if you need me or something happens.”

He stood to leave, turning his back to retreat into your small dominion for the night. He didn’t hear the water splash as you rushed to the edge of the water, not caring to shield yourself as you called out to him again.

“Thomas!”

Slowly, he turned back to you, a red hot blush clearly appearing on his skin despite the darkness. “Yes?”

You were silent for a second before speaking up, “do you want to take a bath with me? You know, clean up and maybe wash your clothes?”

He chuckled, contemplating for a moment before letting his feelings cave over his rational thoughts. He turned around briskly, rushing to join you in the water. His jump into the shallow water, albeit not a big one, was enough to make the water splash against you, Thomas earning a squeal of surprise. He grinned, falling back into the water so he could float among the small waves so he could pull his pants off.

You blushed, moving to sink into further water, deep enough to hide yourself but to not have to tread water. You avoid his eyes, keeping your eyes on the rippling waves, listening to the patter of the waterfall behind you.

It wasn’t until you heard the wet slap of his pants on rock and felt his warm presence against your back at you became hyper aware of him standing right behind you. You could feel his hot breath fan against your neck as he pushed your wet locks aside, draping them over one shoulder.

“Is this fine?” he asked quietly. “I don’t want to go fast. I don’t want to scare you away, but I can’t keep myself away. I should have just walked away, but I can’t when you’re so close. You said you like me too and I’ve wanted this for so long. So please, if you don’t want this, tell me now.”

“Tommy,” you breathed. The name made his breath hitch - something you caught instantly. His body stiffened against yours, his breathing picking up. Your heart was beating just as fast as his was, though you couldn’t pick up on the rapid pounding in his chest.

“Please. If I’ve gone too far, tell me. Because if you don’t stop me, I don’t know what I will do. I’m a hormonal guy, Y/N. And I’m stranded on an island alone with the most beautiful girl int eh world. The girl I’ve admired for too long. I don’t want to hurt-”

You turned quickly, cupping his cheeks in your hands and pulling him into a rough, sloppy kiss to silence him. The man’s muffled grunts were lost to your lips, his body instantly reacting to yours. He pushed closer to you, his erection obvious against your leg. His hands wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his muscled chest, wet pecs flexing anxiously with the jump in his heartbeat. Your fingers curled against his cheeks before pulling away, grinning cheekily.

“You talk to much. Maybe I should have just continued hating you.”

“Nope. This is better.”

His lips crashed back onto yours after his hasty response, tilting his head to give him as much room as possible to engulf your lips with his. Your hands eagerly slid up to his wet chocolate tresses, tangling in them to scrape at his scalp. His hands ran along your waist until he found your ass, lifting you up against him so your legs could wrap around his midsection. Things escalated quickly, heat building with the sensual kiss.

And you weren’t arguing right now.

He backed you into the shallowest part of the water, placing you down to focus on the heated kiss. His tongue darted along your plump lips until they parted, automatically shoving past them to enter your wet cavern. Tongues battled for dominance, something you easily lost. His tongue ran along your mouth, tracing every inch of it before pulling away for air, a short string of saliva still connecting your lips.

Your chests rose and fell quickly for air before instantly delving in for more open mouth kisses. Lips dragged against each other, wet smacks mixing with the rushing water beside you. Noses bumped whenever your heads turned to get a better position, teeth clashing with every heated crash. His lips dragged along yours, sucking them teasingly before devouring them again and again.

Your hands slid down from his hair, landing on his broad shoulder first before running down his chest. Your fingers skimming along his skin made him shiver, pecs jumping under your sultry touch. His arms flexed, more veins emerging from his skin as he got excited. When your thumbs brushed against his nipples, he shuddered, breaking the kiss to let out a gasping moan.

“Don’t do that,” he rasped, a glint in the glare he sent you.

“Oh. Are your nipples sensitive, Tommy?” you cooed, smirking up at the man. A deeper groan left his lips, his face burrowing in your neck. Tiny nips and kisses were left on your skin, Thomas earning himself a moan.

“I hate that you started using that name so quickly,” he uttered deeply. “It’s making it really hard to control myself.”

“Who said you needed to control yourself?” you spoke without warning. Thomas groaned once more, hands fussing with the bra strap against your back.

The article was nearly ripped from your skin and tossed aside, lost to the lake as it drifted away in the water. His eyes were dark, near animalistic, like he was staring at his prey right before he pounced. You weren’t telling him no; you were encouraging the hungry tiger inside. He intended to take advantage of that, even if his mind told him not to. His body spoke louder. His hunger made him salivate, taking in the sight of your bare torso before lunging.

His head dipped down, latching onto your breast instantly. Your head fell back, unleashing a loud moan at the pleasure. His mouth wrapped around your hard bud, tongue flicking at it happily. His large, veiny hand grasped the other one, fondling it fiercely, between his long fingers. Even if you told yourself you didn’t want this, your body screamed that you did. Even if you told yourself you didn’t want to be stuck with Thomas, you were glad it was him. Even if you told yourself you didn’t like him, you knew for a fact you did.

What he was doing felt phenomenal, and you wouldn’t change that for the world right then and there.

Thomas pulled away with a pop, sucking red marks along the skin of your mounds before resuming his licking barrage on the nipple, grunting against it happily. More moans left your lips, fingers tangling in his hair to keep yourself together, giving you something to tug at while you were pleasured. Your legs rubbed together, feeling heat pooling between them the more he attacked your chest, suckling at your nipple repeatedly. When he finally switched breasts, you lost control, nearly shouting his name into the night sky.

“Oh, fuck, Thomas!” you mewled, pressing his face further into your chest. “That feels so good.”

“Shit,” he choked, prying himself from your grasp to move up to your level. His body sliding against yours allowed you to feel the obvious bulge in his boxers, your core twitching as a result. “If you keep that up, I’m going to have to fuck you senseless. You have no idea how hot that is and how fucking horny I am right now.”

“Then do it,” you let out. “Fucking fuck me already.”

“God damn.”

He didn’t ask twice. He was stripping you of your only remaining garment, tossing them with his own onto the rocks behind you. Your stare turned south to catch a glimpse of his shaft, gawking at the size. “Holy shit,” you gasped. “Is that what I was missing by hating your guts?”

His was long and hard, his hand wrapped around the girthy base to stroke it casually. The tip was swollen and red, beads of precum coming out the tip when he tugged at himself. He was much larger than any other guy you had seen - the few one night stands you managed to have were nothing compared to this. You were silently thanking the world for what had happened, giving you a chance to make things right with Thomas and to get fucked senseless by a god. You were thankful for the realization of your feelings because right now, your pussy was pleading to be filled.

“Should have talked to me sooner. We could have been fucking for a while now,” he teased. “Of course, I wanted you for more than a good lay, but I’m sure I can please you when you need it.”

“Oh? Low blow, cowboy. Sure you can stick to those guns?”

“Why don’t we find out?”

The tip ran along your folds a few times before he pushed in quickly, bottoming out in seconds. A loud, prolonged moan left your mouth, the noise drawn out and making your throat vibrate. Thomas grunted at the feeling of your tight cunt around him, your walls grasping at his hard cock eagerly. His eyes closed, trying to not cum instantly. You were wet and warm, clinging to him intermittently, hugging him tightly. The subtlest shift made you clench, another loud noise filling the air.

Before he started to move, he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. He gave you a chaste kiss before groaning, shifting you against him. “If it gets to be too much, stop me.”

“Alright.”

It started slow, your body bouncing against his. His hands sat on your backside, using your ass as leverage to guide your body against his. His long shaft slid in and out of you slowly, rubbing against your walls and poking at the sensitive spots. Whenever he was nearly freed, you were brought back down onto him, fully sheathing him inside your warmth.

The speed picked up gradually until you were being slammed onto his thick cock repeatedly, enhancing the pleasure you were feeling. Your moans grew in volume, filling the night air around you. The water splashed against your sides with every diligent thrust into your tight core, aiding Thomas’ thick cock in sliding in and out of you. Nails clawed at his skin, diggin crescent-shaped moons into his shoulders while being bounced, keeping you steady and upright.

Thomas groaned loudly, the sound of your seductive moans in his ears making him harder than he thought was possible. His chocolate pupils, darkened by lust, traveled south, traveling the features of your face the entire time. Your lips were rosy from the intense kisses you shared, your bright orbs were half-lidded with ecstasy, your cheeks were flushed under the moon that was rearing it face over the trees slowly. When his eyes befell your chest, watching your breasts bounce up and down against his moist chest, the former runner was floored. He had never seen something so wonderful - so attractive. His stomach tightened, hips thrusting faster into you, unleashing a more animalistic nature that had you screaming.

“Oh, god!” you let out, throwing your head back. Your entire body shook, your knotting stomach flipping a million times a second. Thomas grunted out at your echoed speech, leaning forward to latch onto your breast, after a bit of trouble to keep a steady pace and attack the mound as it jostled aimlessly. One hand found its way to his wet locks, tugging at them harshly. The suckling to your peaked buds made your eyes flash white, the shaking increasing significantly as your high hit. “Oh fuck, Thomas!”

With your walls clenching, your warm cunt hugging him tightly and his cock growing slick with your arousal, his head began to spin. Maybe it was the lack of air; he wasn’t breathing while he bucked into you, nibbling at your breast with all of his might. His thrusts grew sloppy, fighting to control himself while you had your orgasm. When he finally felt your body going limp, he moved forward, resting you on a shallow rock and pulling himself free.

You blinked your eyes opened, glancing at the dark haired man that no longer occupied your used core. Your pussy throbbed, trying to clench around nothing but air, screaming at its sudden emptiness. Thomas’ eyes were glued on you - all of you - taking in your fucked-out expression, round breasts that were littered with red love marks, and your chest heaving with uneven breaths. His large hand, covered in veins, wrapped around his cock, stroking himself quickly and harshly, pulling the skin of his length over the tip slightly. The man hunched forward slightly, refusing to give in until he was grunting loudly, utter a few curses before releasing himself onto your form.

Thick ropes of his hot seed shot from the tip, dotting up your stomach to your chest, covering your breasts in his white, steamy essence. Bits of water washed the droplets away when it splashed across your body, but he licked his lips at the sight of you covered in his cum, looking hot with the white strings as your form. His unruly noises got louder when you ran your fingers along the few drops that remained, particularly on your breasts, rubbing the thick substance around your taut buds slowly.

“Shit,” he huffed, kneeling on the rock beside you. His lips connected to yours in a searing kiss, your lips instantly parting to allow his tongue to invade your cheeks. Your tongues tangled together messily, noisy open-mouth kisses smacking against each other in haste. Thomas’ hand slithered between your legs, shamelessly shoving two fingers into your sensitive core. The moan that he ripped from your was lost to his throat. His fingers shoved into your pussy quickly, making you writhe under him.

The kiss broke, allowing your shaking words to escape. “Don’t go so rough.”

“Are you a bit sensitive after you took me?” he asked cheekily, making you laugh slightly.

“I guess you could say that. I think I’m a little overstimulated. I haven’t had sex in a while.”

Thomas blinked, hand stilling. “You’re had sex before?”

Your eyes met, confusion in your eyes. “I mean, of course. I tried dating a guy once after we came to the safe haven, but he was only good for a single lay to relieve some stress from everything,” you revealed. With a giggle, you continued, “Don’t tell me you haven’t had some action since we got here.”

“Oh. I-I mean.. Well, yeah. Who hasn’t?” You didn’t seem convinced, earning a deep sigh from Thomas. His fingers removed themselves from your core, the man sitting on the rock beside you. You sat up yourself, hugging your chest slightly. “I guess if you count the one night stand I had after getting really drunk on Gally’s drink.”

“No way. With who?”

Thomas chuckled at your enthusiasm. “I can’t really remember. She was gone before I woke up in the chicken coop. I think her name was Mandy because after that night, she never talked to me again.”

Your laughter grew louder, leaning on the frowning male. “That’s fucking great.”

“Laugh it up, bitch.”

“I will,” you teased. “But, how come you never tried for more?”

“I mean,” he sighed, looking down at you. “I had my eyes on someone I really liked. But, she didn’t like me back. Wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t look at me. She hated my guts.”

“Well,” you sighed, looking up at him with a joking smile, “she’s lost out. You should forget about her.”

Thomas laughed, leaning down to kiss you softly. His hand, wet and dripping with water, moved up to caress your cheek as his lips dragged against yours slowly. “I think I already am because I have someone amazing with me now.”

Together you sat under the moonlight in the water for a while, cuddling until you felt your feet wrinkling and your body shiver from the cold that was setting in. Thomas exited the water first, lending a hand to help you out afterwards. Gathering your discarded clothes, you hobbled back into the warmth of the cave. While you laid out the clothes to dry, Thomas added more wood to the dying fire, letting it flare back up before you both snuggled together on the blanket, seeking warmth with each other.

You faced him, staring up at his sharp features, fingers dancing along his muscled arms and speckled cheeks. His biceps flexed under your touch, cheeks curling upwards with a smile at the gentle skim of your touch. His own arm was draped over your waist, drawing imaginary shapes to the small of your back. You had never been so comfortable or content in your life, having spent so long running from Cranks or escaping from WICKED in hopes of finding a safe place to live in peace, praying to harmony in your unpredictable life. You frowned at the thought; you had misses so much because of your judgments.

“I’m still sorry,” you whispered lowly. Thomas hummed, waiting for you to continue. “I’m sorry for everything, Tommy. For shunning you, judging you, mistreating you. You didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s fine, babe,” he mused, kissing your forehead. “I get it. You don’t need to beat yourself up about it.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he laughed. His eyes met yours, giving you a soft smile before leaning in and kissing you on your lips softly. “We just need to move on from here.”

“I guess so.”

“Just give me a chance to show you that I’m a good guy,” he teased, making you laugh.

“Yeah, if we ever get off this island,” you said. “But, being stranded with you isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

“Are you saying that shipwrecking with me here was going to suck?” he gasped.

“Tommy, I didn’t even want to fish with your ass!”

“But I have a fine ass.”

“Yeah, I know,” you teased, daring to roll onto him, straddling his waist with ease. Your lips connected in a fiery kiss, earning a deep grunt from the former runner. “I watched you climb a tree today. You have a nice behind.”

“So do you,” he rasped lowly, cupping your backside tightly in his palms. The action made you mewl, grinding your hips against his sharply. Your lips connected once more, letting your tongues tease each other. Thomas’ cock was growing hard under you, sliding between your moist pussy lips. The man murmured against your lips after breaking your kiss, “I’m getting horny again.”

“I can’t say I disagree,” you uttered, grinding on him harder, two moans filling your small hideaway. His cock was twitching against your wet core, the hands that remained on your ass helping you rock against him faster. “Fuck, I just want you inside me again.”

“If we do, I can’t promise I will last long… or pull out in time to not cum inside you.”

“That’s fine,” you let out.

Thomas grinned seductively, teeth twinkling mischievously. “You know, if that happens, there will be a chance you could get pregnant.”

“I know, but I trust you.”

The words made his heart jump slightly. “So, are you saying that you want me to fill you with my cum? You want me to fuck you silly and maybe put a baby inside you?”

“I mean, I will take the fucking me silly, but if a baby comes with it, you’re helping to raise it.”

“Deal,” he gasped.

Within much thought, he was aligning with your core, sliding into you. You moaned at the feeling of him filling you up once more, your pussy full with his giant cock. The tip of his cock brushed against your g-spot, as well as new spots he hadn’t hit before. The new position came with a new angle, and the new angle let him reach deeper inside you. He stayed still for a moment before guiding you along his length, rocking you back and forth along his shaft.

You laid against his as you moved along his cock, breasts pressed against his chest. Your lips danced together occasionally, dragging against each other slowly before parting to let our low moans. The subtle smack from the kisses made your heart race and core clench, squeezing around him tightly. They were such loving kisses, but they made your walls tight and wet.

Pushing up on his chest, separating from the multitude of kisses you shared, you picked up speed, riding him quickly. His cock slid in and out of you quickly, your body rising up and slamming back onto him before he could escape your grasp. Your speed gradually built until you were slapping your hips together loudly, sweaty skin sticking together and pulling apart with slick noises.

Thomas licked his lips, eying your bouncing breasts for a bit before turning to watch his cock slip in and out of you. He was familiar with your breasts moving when he was inside you, but he thoroughly enjoyed the way his cock would emerge covered in your sweet arousal, making his length glisten in the firelight, before it disappeared back inside your tight cunt, throbbing with the need to explode. He wanted to fill you up, spilling every last ounce he had into your hole. He wanted to watch the white seed drip from your lips, oozing out because you were so full of him.

The desire to do so was overwhelming, so much that the man lifted you off of him with a short whine, and flipped you over onto your hands and knees. He found himself ramming back into you from behind, hearing a short scream rip from your throat when he wasted no time in slamming himself into you. He bucked wildly, his speed nearly godly, thrusting himself deep into you. His new speed and position made you scream his name loudly, clawing at the bunched up blankets under you. Your body shifted with every thrust, only kept steady from a firm hand he kept on your hip. The other hand planted firmly to your backside, a reddening handprint pressed into your skin.

“You feel so good, baby,” he growled, pushing harder. His hips snapped into your ass, balls slapping against your folds. The sounds of slapping skin mixed with the uncontrollable noises that left your mouth in panted breaths, making Thomas grin widely. “You like this, Y/N? You like when I fill you up with my giant fucking cock?”

“Tommy-”

“You love when I fuck you into the ground like this? You just can’t get enough, can you?”

“No,” you managed to utter. “I need more.”

“What was that?” he asked, the hand that had been slapping at your ass occasionally sliding up your back to your neck. He gave it a firm squeeze, hearing a choked breath leave. He didn’t want to hurt you, but you made no effort to remove it, so he figured you were fine. Maybe, you were even enjoying the restriction. “Speak up, baby. I can’t hear you.”

“Fuck, Thomas. Fill me up already! Please!”

“God, you just love being filled up. Such a dirty girl, wanting to be filled up with my cum. You want all of my cum inside you? You want me to fill you up with all of my cum?”

“Yes!” You hollered weakly. Dots were blinking in your vision, your body tightening with your inevitable release. “Please fill me up Tommy. I want to cum with you. I love the feeling of your cock so much, but i want to feel you inside me.”

“Fuck, thats hot,” he muttered, shoving into you faster than before. He pushed up onto his feet, releasing your neck so he could steady you against him. His entire body was used to push into you, every part of his body leveraged to excite you over the top. He wanted to make your next orgasm one to remember. He wanted to have you releasing on his cock more than you thought was possible. He wanted to explode every drop into you. “Cum with me, Y/N. Please baby, cum all over my fucking cock.”

You moaned in response, body nearly going limp from your orgasm. Your stomach hurt from trying to hold back, so you didn’t keep it in. The knot was burned away, and you were spilling everything you had onto his length, making it slick enough to still slide in and out of you as he thrust sloppily. Your walls were clinging to him desperately, convulsing with every droplet you released that stuck to his length.

Your tight, wet cunt made Thomas’ head spin like before, his own high nearly. Your core was hugging him close, squeezing him lifeless. The warmth was making him throb and twitch, finally exploding his load into you with one loud grunting groan. His thick seed shot from the tip, painting along your inner walls like white paint. The former runner let out a prolonged mewl of approval, thrusts slowing, letting your walls milk him of every last bit he had built up.

Your bodies finally collapsed from exhaustion, Thomas remaining inside you until he had softened to a tiny chub. His fascination led him to watch his arousal slip from your pussy lips, the man licking his lips slowly.

“That’s something to remember…” he whispered to himself before moving to kiss your shoulder blades. “We should get some rest. Then tomorrow, we can try to find a way off this island and back home.”

He didn’t receive a response.

“Y/N?”

He turned you over, finding you sound asleep, chest rising and falling steadily. You had a gentle smile ebbed onto your lips, resting peacefully. The man chuckled, pushing back some of the hair that stuck to your sweaty forward, placing a sweet, loving kiss to your temple. Laying beside you, he curled you into his chest, struggling to pull the blanket over you to keep you warm in case the fire died out while you slept. His head rested on his sore arm, but he didn’t mind the pain; his comfort came from you beside him, in his arms - finally.

“Sleep well. And thank you for giving me a chance. I didn’t think getting stranded would be such a good thing...”

His eyes fluttered open, finding a small stream of sunlight filling the cave. It took a moment to process his surroundings. The fire had died, he was in a cave, and you were nuzzled into his side, bare naked and sound asleep. Thomas thought he was dreaming before recalling the wave and the boat crash, finding you stranded on an unknown island without a way home. He also remember the heated evening of confessions, apologies and sex that blew his mind.

Not in any rush to move, he pulled you into him, nestling his face in the rats nest atop your head. He could feel your lips curling up against his skin at this, the man chuckling. “Good morning,” he let out, voice raspy and deep with sleep.

“Good morning,” you muttered lowly. “Can we not move for a while? I hurt.”

“I’d figure,” he laughed. “I fucked you a lot last night.”

“And honestly?” you hummed. “I regret nothing.”

“That’s relieving actually. I’m glad I won’t have to be punched later to forcing you to have sex with me.”

“Never,” you laughed, struggling to look up at him. Thomas glanced down at your sleepy face, placing a soft peck to your lips.

“So, you are going to give me a chance later right? Like, when we can finally get home?”

“I thought I made that clear when I apologized for how I’ve been treating you,” you scowled playfully, punching his chest weakly. “And you kind of fucked me a lot. You’re not leaving me dry for a while.”

“I can handle that,” he smirked, pulling you into a deeper kiss.

The steamy kiss would ahve led to a heated round of unruly morning sex if your ears hadn’t perked at the sounds outside the cave. You pulled away from a disappointed Thomas, sitting up abruptly.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” he asked.

Listening carefully, you heard the faint call.

“-Mas!”

“-/N!”

“Someone is calling our names?” you asked, glancing at the man who shrugged.

“Did someone manage to find us?” he thought aloud.

“Thomas!”

“Y/N!”

“Oh my god,” Thomas gasped, jumping to his feet and rushing to the cave entrance. “That’s Minho!”

“What?!” You exclaimed back, running after the man.

In your excitement, you both ran from the cave in search of the voices calling your names. Thomas’ hand clasped around yours to keep from getting separated, keeping you from falling over any trees or rocks. The voices grew louder as you rushed through the sea of green trees, pushing through bushes and in the mud.

In the distance, you locked eyes with the boy calling your name - Thomas friend from the maze and the former leader of the runners. Minho’s eyes grew when he saw you both run from the bushed, calling his name. You halted in the middle of a small clearing, panting for breath.

“Thomas, Y/N,” Minho uttered softly before his eyebrows scrunched up. “Why are you guys naked?”

“Eh?” you let out, looking down at yourself. Realizing what had happened, you shrieked loudly, hugging yourself. Thomas turned to hug you, glaring back at Minho.

“Look away!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Minho called, turning around. “I don’t want to stare at your bare ass anyway!”

“Fuck you,” Thomas growled. “How did you find us anyway?”

“We’ve been searching all night. When you didn’t come back, we pulled out the small motorboat to search for you. Someone mentioned the waves had picked up, so we thought something might have happened. We found the boat wrecked on the island-”

“Wait,” you called, stopping him. “There was a motorboat?”

“Yeah,” Minho said. “It’s always in the boat we used to get here. It’s not used very often to conserve fuel and all, but it’s pretty decently sized and everything.”

“We had a motorboat, and you set us out to go fishing on a wooden rowboat?!”

Minho blinked “Ummmm…”

“I’m going to kill you, Minho!”

The former runner took off with you hot on his tail, uncaring that you were still barren to the world. Thomas sighed as he watched you chase the man around the clearing, weaving through trees before tackling the man to the ground, scarring him as you beat him up.

“I guess I should be thankful,” Thomas told himself. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t have ended up stranded here and had the night we did.”

“Thomas, help! Get her off me!”

“Can’t help, sorry,” Thomas called, turning away. “I need to go get our stuff from the cave. Plus, she hates me, remember?”

“Bullshit!”

“Take it easy on him, babe. He’s our way home!” Thomas teased, walking away.

“He dies tonight! I’m roasting Minho alive!”

“Good talk!”

“Thomas, don’t leave me with this monster! Something obviously happened and you can’t leave me like this!” Minho called, but Thomas was gone. “THOMAS!”

I’m not gonna tag anyone right now because my tag list is far too outdated and needs to be refreshed. I will figure that out... later.

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mcofthemansion · 4 years

Text

I'm not sure if this has been done before, someone probably has but I'd like to do a headcanon of Mc who is relieved and joyful about traveling back in time and living with vampires and wants nothing more than to forget about the time she came from and never have to deal with it again.

Not sure how interesting or relatable it will be, but here it is!

• Mc walks through the door and is confused about where she is

• She meets the mansion residents one by one and starts to calm down instead of any sort of doubt or panic (doesn't know they're vampires yet) and nobody even calls her loud or annoying because she's walking at a respectable pace and her voice is perfectly calm, doesn't even question why they have names of historical people

• She goes to her room pleasantly surprised with the living quarters

• She does get that nightmare but it's like not even scary once she thinks about while awake, and excites her even.

• She gets water in the kitchen anyways because she's awake and there's no getting back to sleep at this point

• Tells Sebastian the dream but instead of calling it a nightmare, she tells him she's finally dreaming about something interesting and thrilling for once

• Sebastian is at a loss of words at first but then says "Mc, that dream, although it may seem interesting, probably serves as a warning to not give them body, mind or soul, and it was probably meant as a nightmare, because the residents that live in this mansion are what you saw in your dream, vampires"

• Upon hearing this news Mc's eyes light up and she says "for real?"

• Sebastian nods and says "yes"

• Arthur enters the kitchen and has only heared that last bit of the conversation, "Cat's out of the bag, am I right Sebas" he said he approached Mc

• He does tease her and say all that stuff about biting her, he even showed that bloodstain on his collar from his previous snack.

• Mc isn't even bothered one bit and is actually interested so she tells him "The vampires in this mansion are too sweet anyways, if you wanted to kill me you would've done that before I knew what you were vampires, I understand you need blood as like a food source so please feel free to take some of mine"

• Arthur doesn't know what to say at this point so he just plainly says, "So you're not afraid living with vampires, luv?"

• Mc quickly replies with "Exact opposite actually, I find it fascinating and perfect, the thing I've always wanted to be real"

• Arthur still feels the need to stick close to her because her seemingly lack of self preservation bothers him a little but he happy accepts Mc being happy living in a mansion of vampires

• The next day Comte asks to see her so she complies

• Comte asks about her encounter with Arthur and why it didn't even frighten her

• Mc tells him that she finds it cool that something similar but other than humans exist! And she's thrilled about living with vampires and that she will do her utmost best working for Sebastian as a housekeeper

• Comte is also a bit startled at her way of handling this, but he is glad that she is more than willing to happily live here for what he at this point thinks is a month, and he likes her attitude towards working with Sebas and says "Ma chèrie,

I do appreciate you taking these startling arrangements very well, if there is anything you need please let me know, and I'd also like to add if you need someone to talk to, my door is always open"

• Mc thanks Comte gratefully and asks Sebas to get to work

• Sebas has Mc doing not so hard tasks and she learns about rouge and blanc and about when to feed whom and things like that

• She learns of thier hobbies and builds a friendship with each of them

• She gets close with all of the mansion pets too

• The mansion residents are glad Mc came to the mansion

• they've noticed Mc hates talking about her time and hasn't expressed any desire to return to her time

• It sort of weighs on thier minds for a while

• Napoleon and Jean try talking to her about it while she watches them do sword practice together

• Issac, Theo, and Vincent ask her over meal times when they're at the table.

• Mc doesn't even want to talk about the pancakes from her time!? wHaT.

• Leonardo tries prompting her by talking about how time changes have been in his eyes, he even bargains cleaning the desk in his room if she'd tell him how his paintings and inventions are doing in her time, anything to get an idea of why her time bothers her, and he manages to get some details about her life but only a few (that pureblood charm really is amazing isn't it! How the hell do you deny Comte or Leo?)

• Mozart asks Mc about music in her time and due to his magical senses when it comes to music he deduced her taste in music and that concerned him a bit, not that it was bad, it was just sort of heartbreaking

• Dazai could sympathize with Mc and hoped she didn't have any kind of similar life to him, he did offer to be a shoulder to cry on if she where to need it

• Vincent has also offered to be a shoulder to cry on if she would need it (And who isn't in need of sunshine boy, am I right?)

• Sebastian's years of gathering dirt on the residents has prepared him for this very task, every detail he learns about Mc's past he writes down, afterall it's hard not talking to the ONE guy that you work with daily...so Sebastian has allied himself with Arthur to solve the mystery of Mc's disdain towards her time and her lack of self preservation, while sort of hiding that other secret journal of his, a lot farther from the detective's eyes.

• Everyone eventually secretly joins the cause and Mc catches wind of it (remember that part about how it's hard to keep secrets in the mansion? Yeah...)

• Comte decided with everyone that he will be the one to handle this and calls everyone to a meeting at the dining table

• Comte explains how all the residents and himself care deeply for Mc and how her disdain of ever returning to her time puzzles them and they would like to know why, all they wanted was to help her

• "Chèrie" "luv" "nunche" "hondje" "Cara mia" "mein liebe" "mademoiselle" "Toshiko-san" "Mc" *very hard finger flick from Sebastian* "please tell us"

• Mc cries a bit but explains her family situation back in her time, she also explains her school/work/other social circle life, and how she wasn't in a good place at all back in her time and how before she found the door that led her to this mansion, she wished for an escape from that life she lived, she wanted something kind, enriching, fascinating, and she'd always loved human-like creatures like vampires, so coming here was like a dream come true

• The residents of the mansion could sympathize with her, they've also been through thier shares of hardship. No matter how big or small people's hardship was always respected in the mansion

• The residents accepted Mc with open arms and were glad to have her live with them

• Mc found a family with the residents

• Mc lives a happy life in Comte's mansion

• Mc may or may not have convinced Comte to let her be a vampire too

• Mc really feels like part of the family

....

I hope this wasn't too weird or anything, I've been wanting something like this for some time so I decided to post it...honestly living in the mansion with all of them would be great! :) what would you guys like like best about living in the mansion? I would love talking to the residents about thier interests! And I'd love it if Isaac could turn my hate for math and science into a love for it, I would appreciate that a lot...so what about you guys? Hugs! :)

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp Arthur #ikevamp Comte #ikevamp Sebastian #cybrid #ikevamp Comte's mansion #life in ikevamp mansion #happy #imagine this #ikevamp is amazing

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seaoflittlefires · 3 years

Text

Still deserve a bit of fun

Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry reconnects with Mary Macdonald who tells him about his parents and their group of friends in the '70s. When he hears about their camping trip to Cornwall, he decides to take his friends there, but while Harry is set on having fun and forgetting all about the war, not everyone finds it easy.

This is lots of dialogue, mostly about the golden and silver trio trying to process what happened to them and dealing with the angst of having lost their teenage years to war. It's heavily inspired by MsKingBean89's All the Young dudes; the catalyst for the plot is an exchange between Harry and Mary Macdonald as she is portrayed in the fic.

While this story can be understood without having read ATYD, there are a bunch of easter eggs and parallels that will be better appreciated with it in mind.

Word count: 5.4k

Read on AO3

Prologue

It was the strangest letter Harry had ever received. And of course, he’d had his fair share of mysterious letters. But this one was particularly mind-boggling because the very idea of Mary seemed like an impossibility. A friend of his parents’, a member of their class at Hogwarts, still alive, completely untouched by the war or by the magical world itself.

At first Harry expected to be a bit resentful: Why had this woman not joined them in the fight against Voldemort when she knew first-hand what he was capable of? And also, why hadn’t she ever reached out if she had truly been so close to James and Lily, if she knew so much? Harry felt he could have used a letter like this much sooner. But there was something about Mary’s story that made him instinctively understand where she was coming from: Her friends had died one by one at the hands of Voldemort. She’d been in danger during the wars for being a muggleborn. And even in times of peace, she had felt like a bit of an outsider in a wizarding community that didn’t care to explain much to people whose families weren’t magic, that simple thrust these kids into a new, dangerous world and hoped for the best. And of course, it was a community that, despite its hatred of Voldemort, had nonchalantly allowed the ideology of blood purity to remain a part of daily life even within Hogwarts and often continued to spread it. Harry could most certainly relate to her resentment. And so he’d decided to forgive Mary for everything she hadn’t been able to do, and to enjoy what seemed like an invaluable second chance, especially after the deaths of Sirius and Remus: Here was someone who’d been close to his parents and mentors when they had all been kids. Someone who’d known them long before Harry was even a possibility. He had a million questions, and Mary answered them all.

She had initially reached out a few weeks after the battle of Hogwarts to offer her condolences for Remus, her only remaining friend from the wizarding world. She’d been devastated to hear about his death, but also shocked to know about the role that Harry had played in the war. She remembered him from when he was a baby and she wanted to pass along a few photos she still had from those days. Harry had been elated to know her and to get this account of the first few months of his life.

But as they continued writing to each other, always by muggle post, other things that Mary knew proved to be even more invaluable. She wrote of his parents long before they were his parents, long before they were even together. She wrote about meeting Lily in first year, helping each other navigate the newness of their abilities and their surroundings. She wrote of hours spent talking to her and Marlene, laughing together, helping each other through homework and bullies and unrequited love. She wrote about Remus, who’d first gotten close to them, about his generosity and his talent for teaching, even when he was still a student himself. She wrote about the rivalry with the boys and how it had later morphed into friendship. About the Great Snogging Race, about quidditch, about James and his romantic gestures, about Sirius and his music. She wrote about legendary parties and the pranks, so many pranks. The time they’d made it impossible for purebloods to use slurs by swapping the words for nonsense. The time they’d set off fireworks in the grounds for Remus’s birthday. The time they’d formed an inter-house cooperative to teleport the entire Slytherin common room into the lake. Harry devoured each of her letters with joy.

There was one anecdote that stood out to him, probably because Mary spoke of it with such love and nostalgia: The summer before their seventh year, right before the first war had gotten really ugly, they had all taken a trip to Cornwall. They’d done camping the old-fashioned muggle way and gone to the beach and been silly teenagers. It had been during that trip that Harry’s parents had finally gotten together. He could picture them all laughing by the shore or sitting around a fire. He could see Sirius’s cheeky grin and Remus’s eyes sparkling mischievously and his parents, the way they were in the pictures Mary sent. Happy. Carefree. Young.

When he proposed the idea to Ginny, she was thrilled. Hermione took come convincing but Ron helped her come around and Neville proved easy once he knew that Luna was going. They set off at the end of July, apparating into the campsite with muggle tents and equipment. The weather was perfect and they quickly found a spot within the site. As they unpacked, Harry looked around him and sighed. This was exactly like he had pictured it. He was ready to begin again.

Chapter 1

They’d brought two tents, one for the boys and one for the girls, which they began to assemble at their spot in the camping site. At first they tried the muggle way but Neville almost poked someone’s eye out with a pole and Luna got trapped inside one of the tents while trying to raise it. After about fifteen minutes of this, Ron and Hermione took over and, after quickly verifying that nobody was looking, everyone also began to use spells to help get it all done.

Luna grabbed her wand, but instead of helping Ginny assemble the poles, she began to murmur an enchantment that none of them found familiar.

“What are you doing?” Asked Ron, curious but well-meaning. After everything, he’d learned to trust Luna’s strange but wise ways.

“Chizpurfle defense charm. They’re attracted to magical objects and they chew at them. Especially when there isn’t lots of magical energy around, they can be vicious. We must be a beacon for them right now…”

“Oh yes, I’ve read about those,” Hermione replied as soon as she was finished lifting the girls’ tent with a flick of her wand.

“Sorry I can’t be of any help,” said Neville. “You both are so good at this and I’m so clumsy…”

“Don’t worry mate, this is actually very difficult,” replied Ron as he hammered in the pegs.

“It really is. Seriously, it isn’t your fault, we just got a doctorate in tent-building last year.”

“I wish so badly I could have gone with you guys. I could have helped. Besides, I bet you could have used the company,” said Ginny, looking up towards Hermione from the poles she was assembling.

“You guys barely talk about that time,” added Neville. “I mean, you explained what you discovered, and all the strategic stuff, but I bet it must have been quite horrible, being on your own with so much danger…”

“Well, it did get a bit lonely,” Hermione said after a pause. It was true, they’d barely talked about that time, and it had been taxing for all three of them. But so much had happened since, so much that seemed bigger and scarier and just worse, that it had barely felt worth it. “We missed our families a lot, especially…” Ron walked toward Hermione and put his hand gently on her shoulder. Hermione had spent a long time explaining everything to her parents after their memory spells had been reversed, but they still weren’t the same and she felt guilty, despite knowing it had been the right choice. “It felt awful, being away from you all. We didn’t know whether we’d ever see you again, and it felt… it was just hard to put on a brave face and be logical all the bloody time when sometimes you just wanted to curl into someone’s arms and be held.”

“Well at least that’s over now,” chimed in Harry, quickly, almost too quickly. “No one has to be brave anymore.” He seemed to be lost in thought for a second. “Except for you, Weasley,” he exclaimed then, grabbing a broom from the already finished boys’ tent. “Let’s find a spot with no muggles at the beach so I can kick your arse in a race!”

“Alright, we’ll see about that,” said Ron, grabbing his own broom and getting ready to follow. He and Hermione shared a look and he shrugged. That hadn’t seemed much like Harry, but the black-haired boy was already halfway to the beach and, after all, Ron was never one to turn down a challenge. “Are you guys coming?” Ginny and Neville nodded.

“I’ll stay behind for a bit to finish up these charms,” said Luna, who was busy walking in circles around the girls’ tent while waving her wand.

“Are you… are you sure that’s necessary?” Asked Ginny.

“You will be thankful when Billywigs aren’t stinging you in your sleep. They can cause grown humans to levitate, did you know?”

“Alright, I suppose it can’t hurt,” said Hermione, who had just emerged from her tent carrying a book.

“Work?” Ron rolled her eyes at her.

“Beach read. ”

“Let’s go then.”

***

They were lying in the sand under the warm sun. All six of them were in their bathing suits but only Luna had been courageous enough to brave the freezing water yet. She was performing a drying spell on her dripping hair when Ron spoke:

“I could lie here all day. Weather’s perfect.”

“Yeah, it’s so peaceful. Quiet too, I thought we’d have to be more careful because of the muggles.” Ginny spoke as she turned to lie on her stomach.

“We picked a great spot,” Harry agreed. “Mary said there’s a castle ruin a few miles from here, we could go at some point.”

He got a mostly enthusiastic response but a groan from Ron: “You can go and come back to pick me up in a week, I’ll still be lying here.”

“No you won’t. You agreed to go check on mum in like…” Ginny sat up and looked at her watch. “Twenty minutes.”

“Is anything the matter?” Asked Luna.

“Nah, we just haven’t left home much since… Since Fred,” explained Ron. “We promised we’d keep in touch. And someone got me to agree to do it the first time.”

“Because someone insisted I carry all the camping equipment.” Ginny’s rebuttal was quick and it got a smile from everyone but Harry whose eyes were fixed on the horizon. He didn’t know how but the war kept slipping into every conversation. It bothered him. No matter how far he went, he never seemed to be able to escape the smothering presence of all he’d lost.

“We really did need a holiday, eh?” He addressed Ron in an effort to steer the conversation away, back towards his best friend’s love of relaxation.

“Yeah we did. I still have no clue what I’m supposed to do now, like… Work? I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and now I guess… I am grown up. And I still don’t know what I am.”

“Well, you don’t have to be just one thing. No one ever is! You can just try out many fields of work and see which one suits you,” replied Hermione. “I plan to get a few internships in the fall in order to do that. Mostly at different ministry departments, maybe International Magical Cooperation, or the Committee on Experimental Charms…”

“Yeah well, that’s all very well and good when you’ve got loads of paths to pick from,” said Ron, “but I don’t even know where to start.”

This was good, Harry thought. Thinking of the future. Thinking of work. These were problems that everyone dealt with at this age, right? Nothing to do with the war or death. Besides, the idea that there could be a future in itself was more than they’d had for so long. Harry had no clue what he wanted to do with his, but he knew better than to view that choice as a problem.

“I don’t really know if I’m ready to work yet…” Neville said suddenly. He sat up over his towel.

“Well, that’s perfectly understandable too, you could continue your studies if you want. It might actually do us all good, after all, we pretty much skipped our N.E.W.T.S.” Hermione’s face was almost wistful as she mentioned exams.

“Well, sure, but… I don’t mean that. I mean… Every so often I get filled with so much rage. Ever since May it all just… feels so pointless. Even here, right now, with you guys, you’re all talking about feeling so relaxed and I… I haven’t been able to truly be anywhere fully in a long time. Part of me is always reliving it. And I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to just… jump back in.” Everyone nodded. They knew it was true, and they felt it as well.

“I might travel for a while after my seventh year,” Luna mused. “It’s always been my dream to see a Runespoor in person…”

“Gory,” replied Ron with a smirk. “But I applaud your bravery. And as for you Neville, take all the time you need, mate. We’re all knackered. It’s a wonder we can go about our days at all…”

“Hey, did you know Sirius and Remus were a couple?” Harry exclaimed suddenly. That got everyone’s attention. For a few seconds, nobody spoke.

“Seriously?! Oh my, that makes so much sense!” Hermione was ecstatic, as she usually was when she learned something that helped her crack a puzzle.

“Okay, I am now second-guessing my entire existence,” said Ron. His face was a study in confusion.

“Professor Lupin? Why did I need to know that?” Neville looked utterly flustered.

“They do make one hell of a great-looking couple,” said Ginny with a smirk, and to her delight, Luna nodded at her. But her expression suddenly changed and a few seconds later she added: “did… made… Sorry.”

“How did you even find out about this?” Hermione turned her attention back to Harry. She gasped. “Did Mary tell you?”

“Well… Not exactly. She didn’t say it outright; I suppose she didn’t think it was her story to tell but… The way she talks about them in her letters… She refers to them as a unit. Same way she talks about my parents. I guess it just… made me re-examine some stuff.”

“Of course it did,” said Neville. “When you have limited memories of someone, every new fact you learn about them makes you understand everything in a whole new light. I know how that…”

“Well, yeah, but this isn’t really about that.” Harry’s expression had suddenly turned serious. He didn’t know what had compelled him to share this suspicion with his friends so suddenly, or to state it as if it was fact. He’d been thinking about it a lot since reading Mary’s letters but he’d thought of asking her before telling other people. It felt a bit like a betrayal. What was wrong with him? He was distracted by Ron who was looking at Luna quizzically.

“Why aren’t you more surprised?” He asked her. “I don’t mean to be a prude or anything but… This is huge”

“Oh, I already kind of figured they were together,” said Luna in that singsong, nonchalant way of hers. Five pair of eyes were suddenly upon her.

“How did you know? They never said anything, they never, like, kissed in public! Plus, you barely even saw them together before Sirius…” Harry was worried. Had this been an obvious thing the entire time? Had he never seen these two people properly despite considering them family?

“Love is spoken in many ways. Different people express it differently. Just because someone isn’t speaking your love language doesn’t mean they aren’t saying it.”

“That’s very wise, Luna,” said Hermione smiling.

“What does it even mean?” Asked Ron.

“I saw the way they looked at each other. My parents used to do that. They weren’t ones for words but love was in their every touch and stare. And when they moved they seemed like pieces of a single body. That’s how Sirius and Remus were that night at the ministry, and I didn’t know them before then so I just assumed it was a thing the rest of you knew. When Sirius passed through the veil, I saw Remus’s face change. He went with him.”

“I’m going in the sea, who’s coming?” Harry was suddenly up, his body coursing with energy. He practically ran into the water without waiting for an answer.

Chapter 2

Harry had lit the fire using magic, but he was still building up the flame the muggle way. They’d split up in order to get dinner and take turns showering at the camp facilities. They were nowhere near as nice as the bathrooms at Hogwarts but a few charms had helped make them warmer. Now, they sat roasting marshmallows in the fire as they listened to music on Hermione’s Discman. She’d charmed her CDs so they could each hold dozens of albums and so that they could play songs in multiple random orders She could also use her wand to control the volume from afar. The only problem was, Hermione hated current music. Even after all these years, she was still a bit of a snob when it came to art, preferring obscure bands from ten or twenty years before. As a result, they’d been listening to a lot of Bowie since they’d arrived.

“…And then, my grandma told me I wasn’t allowed any pets until I was 18, except for something truly harmless. And even Trevor I ended up losing at the lake eventually.” Neville was telling the story of how he’d ended up with a toad, a rather unusual pet even for a Hogwarts student.

“Yeah, well, at least your harmless pet did not turn out to be an escaped murderer!” Said Ron, who had still never quite gotten over the shock of Scabbers’s true identity. As usual, he got a laugh from everyone. However, Harry couldn’t help but notice that even these conversations were always restrained. He could not remember the last time he’d laughed to tears, laughed truly, even at one of Ron’s comments. Still, his friend had the ability to cheer people up, even in the darkest of times.

“Hey, you could ask George if he needs help at the shop, you know?” He said to him. “I bet you could be really good at that. Coming up with artifacts, selling to customers especially…”

“Yeah, mate, maybe I’ll try that…” Ron was deep in thought for a few seconds. “George hasn’t really been the same since he lost Fred. Perhaps he could use that.” And just like that, Harry thought, he’d burst the bubble. Again.

“I’m having the best time,” said Hermione, who’d been listening attentively to one of Luna’s stories. “I think we all really needed this, thanks for forcing me to come.”

“Anytime,” Ginny winked at her.

“Always a pleasure to bicker with you about anything,” said Ron.

“Seriously though, I really love you lot. I don’t know that I tell you that enough.” Hermione put one arm around Harry and another around Ginny, both sitting beside her.

“Yeah, me too,” added the redhead. “I’m so grateful we’re all still together. You’ve made everything seem… I don’t know, worth it.”

Harry was about to say something about the marshmallows definitely being worth it when he saw that Luna’s eyes were watery.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Neville.

“I just… I love you guys so much,” Luna said as tears fell down her cheek. “When I was held at Malfoy Manor last year and my father… He was so selfish. I thought that you would never forgive me. And I’d never had any real friends before I met you all and I was already resigned to losing you… I was grateful that at least I’d known what it felt like, you know? To be a part of something truly special…” Hermione leaned over Ginny and squeezed her hand. “And yet you guys did forgive me,” Luna continued, “and you kept me around after the battle was over; you made me feel like I hadn’t just been useful, like I was…” She trailed off as Ginny enveloped her in a hug.

“Luna, you’re always going to have us at your side,” Neville reassured her. “Everything that happened… It forged a bond you cannot break. It’ll always keep us together.”

“I just wish it didn’t seem like the only thing keeping us together…” Harry hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the moment he did, he felt strangely lighter. However, this relief didn’t last long.

“What did you just say?” Ginny asked, suddenly looking away from Luna and towards her boyfriend with a stern expression.

“I said,” Harry raised his voice a bit, emboldened, “that it would be really bloody great if you all could stop talking about the war for a minute. The whole point of this trip was to have fun and be normal, just like people were before the war! Can’t we have one single conversation that isn’t about how awful it all is?!”

“No, we can’t, you nitwit!” Ginny yelled. “You’ve been acting like a prat and ignoring people’s feelings all day, but in case you haven’t noticed, things have been awful! I lost a brother! And I miss him so much, I…” Ginny’s voice broke and she stopped talking.

“I know you do,” said Harry regretfully. “I just thought if we could all leave we’d…”

“Running won’t fix things. It never does. Sometimes you just have to keep living right next to the bad.” And with that, Ginny stood up. “Come on, Luna, let’s get you a glass of water,” she said to her friend, who was still crying softly.

“I’ll… uuuh… I’ll go with you!” Neville practically leapt out of his seat and the three of them began to walk quickly towards the camp facilities.

Harry sighed. Just like that, it was him, Ron and Hermione left, just like it had been a year ago. Actually, it had been less than a full year, but it still felt like a lifetime. More than Harry had ever wanted to spend in the presence of so much sorrow.

“So I screwed that up,” he said as Ron moved over to sit next to him and Hermione.

“You kind of did, not going to lie…” Said Ron. “But I get where you’re coming from. Honestly, I needed a break from my house too. It’s why I wanted to come so bad.”

Harry nodded. He’d never realized, but it must have been taking a toll on Ron to keep being so cheerful and sarcastic while he himself was dealing with so much. Harry supposed it was his way of deflecting things. At least Ron’s way made people feel better, he thought, as opposed to his.

“Look,” said Hermione, putting an arm around him. “Healing takes time. You can’t expect people to act normally after what happened and you shouldn’t expect that of yourself either. It’s okay if it’s all we can talk about for a bit. Merlin knows it’s enough to fill plenty of history books, it needs processing.”

“I’ve just lost so much time to… processing,” Harry said. “I’m turning eighteen soon, you guys already have. And yet I can count on one hand the adventures we’ve had together that didn’t somehow involve solving some mystery or fighting some evil threat. And…” He sighed. He couldn’t stop thinking about Mary’s letters, all the anecdotes she’d shared about his parents and their friends. “I guess I just want a bit of normal life, you know? And even now that everything’s supposed to be over, even though this whole thing was meant to give us all a chance to live happily… I’m not sure we’ll ever get there.”

“I know we will, mate,” said Ron. “I mean, my parents did, after the first war. Mum lost both her brothers and she still had enough faith to raise all of us. She knew things could be better. They all did.”

“Mary didn’t,” replied Harry. He hadn’t known he was thinking about it until he said it. But it was true. In the end, perhaps, she had made the right choice. Going away. Forgetting that it all even existed. Getting married and having a kid and living a normal, happy, uneventful life.

“But we proved her wrong, didn’t we?” Hermione interjected. “I mean, she wrote to you because she was impressed. Because she was proud and she believed in what you did. And I promise you it will have been worth it. You’ll see.”

Harry nodded. He knew that everything they’d done had been important. He’d seen how much of a difference it had made to thousands of people. He just hadn’t ever been so conscious of what it had cost him before: “Do you think we’ll ever get to just be regular teenagers?” He asked Hermione.

She was silent for a few moments, clearly wanting to give Harry an answer that she truly believed in, instead of some bland reassurance. After a while, she spoke: “Honestly? I have no idea. We still are a little bit broken…”

“Yeah, some of us especially,” chimed in Ron, glancing sideways at Hermione. She elbowed him and he shrugged, as if to say “I’ve earned that”. Hermione laughed. “You see?” She looked at Harry. “There you go. We’ve still got a long way to go until we reach normal. But in the meantime, we still deserve a bit of fun”.

Harry didn’t know how, but Hermione’s words were always just right, like they were the echo of something he’d always known. He hugged both of his friends.

“I’ll apologize to the others in a bit. I think I’d better take a walk and gather my thoughts first,” he told them, as he headed towards the beach.

Chapter 3

The sound of the waves was deafening as Ginny walked out onto the beach. She spotted Harry but didn’t quicken her pace. Instead, she watched him think for a few moments longer. She knew why he’d picked this place to cool off. The noise. It would be a long time before Harry could stand the quiet again.

“Sorry I snapped,” she said when she finally reached him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Back at you,” he replied. They stood like this for a few moments. Ginny waited. She felt the words building up inside him. Of course, she was right. Eventually Harry spoke: “I just didn’t know I felt like that. Not until Mary.”

“You speak a lot about her letters,” Ginny nodded. “You clearly needed them.”

“I did. You see, everybody talks so much about how my parents died. I know all about how brave they were fighting against Voldemort, and how much they had to sacrifice during the last few months of their lives… I know everything about how they died. And I’m grateful for it; it’s obviously better than knowing nothing… But until recently I barely knew anything about how they lived. What kind of students they’d been at Hogwarts, what kind of friends. What subjects they’d liked or been good at, what foods they loved the most at the Great Hall. What they fought about, how they became friends with all these people, what all of the Marauders’ pranks were like… Mary made me realize that. And once I did, it was impossible not to notice the same thing happening to us. We’ve lost so much time already. So much of our lives has been about this bloody war, and I don’t want it to be the only story we can tell about our teenage years. Already it feels like I’ll never be able to outlive it publicly and so with my friends I just want… I don’t know. I guess if this is what we are remembered by, if this is how we remember ourselves and our loved ones, just for what we lost, it’s a kind of victory for him.”

Ginny sighed. “I know. And I agree with you. We deserve time to be teenagers. We deserve to talk about silly things and have silly competitions and listen to happy music that isn’t Hermione’s melancholy crap,” she took Harry’s hand between hers, “and we deserve time to figure out what this is without any pressure. But that’s the thing: We can do that. Your parents didn’t have that luxury. They had to cram as much life as they could into very little time and figure out how to be kids and teenagers and grownups all at once, am I right?”

“Yeah,” said Harry. “I keep wondering how on earth they were ready to be married at our age.”

“See, that’s the thing, they probably weren’t. But they had to. We don’t. We’ve earned our right to take things slowly, we have all the time in the world. But we cannot skip the grieving part. As much as we all want to forget that all of this ever happened because it hurts like hell to know it did, trust, me, the only way out is through. Otherwise you end up living with a lot of ghosts…”

“You’re right.” Harry put his arms around her. He knew exactly what Ginny meant. And he knew he didn’t want that. Because despite everything, possibly even because of it, he felt like the future held good things in store for them. “I’m really sorry, Ginny,” he whispered. “For everything you’ve lost.”

“Me too. And I don’t think you’re told that nearly enough.”

***

After a while they began to walk hand in hand back towards the camping site.

As they got closer, they realized the fire was still lit, and there was a lone figure sitting beside it. They thought it might be Luna, still up performing more charms of protection against various magical creatures, but when they arrived they saw it was actually Neville. He was all but falling asleep while sitting down, shaking himself awake every few seconds and then immediately beginning to close his eyes again. Hermione’s Discman was still on, playing another Bowie song, but Hermione herself was nowhere to be seen. Very unlike her, Harry thought, to forget something out in the open. He turned towards his half-awake friend.

“Hiya Neville, what’s up?” He nudged him awake. “Really sorry about before, by the way, I was a proper arse. If you ever need to talk…”

“Okay, sure, I’m just really tired right now…” Neville said, his eyes already beginning to close again, his head falling.

“Why won’t you go to bed then?” asked Harry, pointing to the tent.

“Well, I want to, and Luna’s already gone in her tent but I… The boy’s tent is… I can’t go because you see…” Neville smirked and pointed awkwardly in its general direction. The tent was still and quiet. Too quiet. It only took Harry a few seconds to realize that numerous silencing charms had been placed upon it.

“Wait, is Hermione in there with Ron?!” Asked Ginny, eyeing Neville conspiratorially.

“Uuuuh yeah they are… They’re in there doing… I can’t get in because they’re both in there being…” Neville’s face looked Gryffindor red and he could not stop fidgeting with his hands. “They’re doing…”

“They’re having hot sex, that’s what you mean to say” Ginny cut him off with a deadpan expression. Harry snorted. And just like that, something in him broke. He began to laugh. He laughed so hard he almost felt tearful and Ginny joined him. Neville made a noise somewhere between a gag and a cry for mercy as they both fell down to the floor in hysterics and within a few seconds he had started giggling nervously as well.

They stayed that way until Hermione came out of the tent in tiptoes and almost had a fit upon seeing them all outside. They just stayed and kept laughing. Just a group of teenagers with so much love for each other, at once idiotic and wise beyond their years, laughing about sex and making fun of each other at a time when it seemed impossible that anything could be fun. And although Harry didn’t know this (because, despite her usual style, Mary had taken care not to be that explicit in her letters), this was exactly what it had been like twenty years before.

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harryhandstan · 4 years

Text

kiss in the kitchen

gif credit

We’re gonna ignore the fact that I keep using lyrics as my titles cause I’m not creative enough to come up with my own

This is for @lovinhesmdcn‘s Mean Birthday writing prompt event! My birthday this year was one of the worst days of my life so I chose to create a fantasy where that day never happened. *deep sigh* one day I will stop using my personal experiences so much in my writing but today is not that day.

I feel the need to apologize to those of you that read the sneak peek and came here expecting smut! This is pure fluff sorry :) hope you still enjoy it!

word count: 3k

Harry was still baffled at the fact that you did not care one bit about celebrating your birthday.

"It's your special day, love, wanna celebrate you. With you. Y'don't want a party or anything?"

You shake your head no, strands of hair falling from your messy bun into your face. You brush them away and bring your mug of coffee to your lips, taking a long sip. This had become Harry's daily breakfast topic, trying to convince you to let him do something for your day of birth.

"I told you, Harry. My last birthday was..a traumatic day for me and I just don't want to be reminded of that."

"I know, but," He stuffs another bite of pancake in his mouth before continuing, "This year you have me. I wanna spoil my girl and s'not fair that you're refusing me that chance."

You roll your eyes, "You spoil me everyday."

"Do not."

"Do too. Who made breakfast and refused to let me help?"

"That's not spoiling. S'just because I didn't want you to burn the pancakes again."

"That was ONE time, and it's only because YOU distracted me."

"Just wanted a good morning kiss, ya the one that got all greedy and wanted more." He waves his fork in your direction, emphasizing his point, "Filthy little tease, you are."

"Maybe I am, but you have to admit you started it that day."

You stand to take the now empty plates to the sink. Before you have a chance to stack them, Harry is pulling you into his lap. A sticky, syrup flavored kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth. His hands moving around to interlock behind your back to keep you secure.

"If you truly don't want to do anything for your birthday, we won't. It's your day, you decide how we spend it, alright? Shame to pass up the opportunity for cake though."

You sigh, admitting defeat, "We can have cake, if that will make you happy."

"Yeah?" His eyes light up at the idea, "A party with presents too?"

"No party. Just want to spend the day with you. Maybe dinner or something, just the two of us. You may buy me one present, if you wish."

"One present, huh?"

"I mean it, Harry. No party. NO surprise guests. One present. Promise me." You hold one pinky out, waiting.

He looks at your finger, level now with his face, eyes narrowed at it before bringing a hand to loop his pinky around yours, "Deal. Any other rules?"

You shake your head no, placing your hand flat to his chest to push yourself off his lap.

He catches you quickly, a strong arm thrown around your waist, ignoring your laughter as you plop back down on his thighs.

"Y'not going anywhere yet. We have cake flavors to discuss."

When the day arrives, the two of you spend most of the morning in bed before he forces you to get up for a late lunch.

A small square package, messily wrapped in colorful paper lay on the kitchen table in front of you,

"This does NOT count as your present. I just saw it at the store and couldn't resist.”

He's giggly the whole time you rip the paper away, you protesting about him already breaking your rules.

"S'not a real one, of course. Knew you'd throw a fit if I did that."

With the paper finally gone, you pull the top off the box only to gasp at what's nestled there in tissue paper.

A crown. A more grown up version of the plastic, fake-jeweled ones you wore religiously as a child. This one sparkles silver against pastel pink paper, the afternoon light reflecting the glitter and casting a glow across your face. When you don't move to take it from its wrapping, Harry moves forward, removing it from the box to nestle it on top of your head.

He pulls back, eyes sweeping over your face, hovering there for a moment before placing a kiss to the top of your head.

"How's it look?" He's looking at you the way you look at a sunset, like he's never seen anything more gorgeous.

"Perfect."

"Thank you, H. You're spoiling me again."

"S'your birthday, princess, will you stop being so stubborn and just enjoy it?"

"Where're we going for dinner?"

You stand in front of your closet, post-shower, in nothing but a loose sleep shirt and underwear. Your hair rests atop your head in rollers. Your only instructions so far from Harry were to get ready and dress nice.

"Who says m'taking you to dinner?" His voice is muffled through the slightly open bathroom door.

"Oh..I just thought.."

He emerges from behind the door, towel tied loosely around his waist, coming to stand next to you in front of his own side of the closet you share. His hand snakes around to rest on your hip before pulling you close to press a kiss to your temple.

"M'just kidding, lovie. Just want to surprise you though..can you let me do that?"

His hand resting on your mostly bare hip has you pulling your bottom lip into your mouth and casting a smirk his way.

"None of that," He quickly pulls his hand away, landing a playful swat to your thigh before smiling down at the mark he knows will temporarily form on your skin, "We have reservations, plenty of time for all that after dinner."

"Well will you at least tell me how nice you mean by dress nice? How am I supposed to decide what to wear? You know I have a hard enough time choosing when I do know where we're going."

"Then let me choose for you." He leads you to the bed, pushing you to sit on the edge, a hand coming to cover your eyes.

You let out a deep sigh, closing your eyes.

"D'ya not trust me?"

"Of course I do. You know I do."

"Alright then. No peekin'."

You hear him shuffle away, then the sound of hangers gliding back and forth across the rod in the closet as he makes his selection.

"Will you be picking shoes as well? Or do I get to decide that?"

"I'll pick them." It's easy to visualize the smile on his lips. He's enjoying this way too much.

You hear the bathroom door open again and you temporarily peek one eye open, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"What about jewelry?"

"Ah, forgot about that. Thank you, babe." He's at your dresser now, you hear the top of your jewelry box being removed and the clink of things being removed and replaced as he carefully coordinates what will go best together.

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Patience, angel. Almost done."

His feet are too quiet as he returns to you, and you jump when a finger boops your nose. He chuckles before bending down to whisper in your ear, "Be ready in 20" landing another playful swat at your hip.

He's placed everything in the bathroom, hanging the dress on the back of the door, shoes and accessories on the counter.

Of course he would choose that dress. He's told you frequently how much he loves it on you, the soft, flowy fabric hugging your body and accentuating your features in the most flattering ways. Lucky for him it was one of your favorites too. You laugh when you see the shoes, a pair of low set heels. He knows you too well, knows you will most likely want a glass of wine (or two) with dinner and how dangerous your higher heels are, even when you're sober.

20 minutes isn't as much time as you would have liked, but you put yourself together as best you can with the time you are given. Thankfully your hair set easily in soft waves because of the rollers, saving you that extra time to make sure your make-up looks as decent as possible.

Harry waits for you, perched on the edge of the bed in the same spot he made you sit earlier while he selected your outfit. His head is down and when you appear in front of him he looks up, letting out a low whistle at the sight of you.

"You look like a dream, love, an absolute dream." His hands come to rest on your hips, eyes sweeping over your body, basking in the glow of your beauty.

You run your hands through his hair, trying to ignore his hand traveling further down to dip under the hem of your dress. When his fingers graze the inside of your thigh, you tug lightly at the ends of his curls, just enough to pull his attention back up to your face.

"Thought you said we didn't have time for all that..reservations, remember?"

"Damn the reservations. They can hold the table for a bit.."

"Last time you said that, we didn't even make it to dinner, H. I love you, I love your hands..and your mouth," You run your thumb over his bottom lip, which earns you a cheeky grin, "But right now the birthday girl is very hungry and she was promised dinner."

He groans when you pull your hands from his hair, tugging on his wrist to pull him up. The new angle has him looking down at you now, and for a second you regret rejecting his offer. An evening spent in bed with him would be just as perfect, if not more, than any dinner he could treat you to. He's grinning, like he knows exactly what you're thinking.

"S'pose she was. Can I at least give the birthday girl a kiss before we go?" His hand is slipping around to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. He knows you'll say yes, and yet he still waits, wants to hear you say it.

"Hmm..the birthday girl would happily accept a kiss."

The restaurant is far more extravagant than you could have imagined. It has you repeatedly looking down at the dress you felt so confident in 10 minutes before in the comfort of your own home. It's not elegant enough, you're sure nothing in your closet would have been. You wish desperately you had brought a sweater with you, if not to cover up as much as to have the comfort against your skin.

Harry senses your unease and quickly determines the source, taking your hand from across the table, reminding you how perfect you look. You think you detect a bit of nerves flowing from him as well, but you think nothing of it, dismissing it quickly as you projecting your own feelings onto him.

He had promised your present, your real present, would be given to you at dinner. But he carried with him no bag, no messily wrapped package like from the afternoon. Just himself and his too expensive suit, sitting across from you. He's scanning the menu, rambling on about what sounds good and you hum agreements here and there, but you can't help but be curious what else he has planned for the evening.

After the waiter comes to take your order, you take a moment to scold him, "This is too much, Harry. You really shouldn't have."

He just shrugs, brushing your reprimand off, simply saying, "S'a special night, innit?"

The food is amazing, as you knew it would be. You both stay mostly silent through the rest of dinner, just enjoying your meals and each other's company. Occasionally he stares at you affectionately as you sip your wine.

You had talked him down from the idea of a cake, deciding that dessert at whatever restaurant he chose would be the more low-key option. So when the dessert course arrives and there's still no mention of a present, you don't say anything. Truth be told you don't really care if he got you anything, he had followed your requests; no party, just a day with him and a quiet dinner. But it wasn't like him and just as you're about to question him, deciding how best to word it without sounding like a brat, he reaches into his jacket pocket.

Instead of pulling out whatever it was he was so carefully trying to surprise you with, his eyes go wide. He frantically pats all his pockets, even checking underneath the table to make sure it hadn't tumbled out and landed at his feet. He straightens, clearing his throat and you laugh at his flustered expression.

"Lose something there, Harry?"

"No, no..I, um..must've just forgotten it at home. I swear, honey, I'm so sorry. I was so careful to keep it hidden from you this past week. Couldn't wait to give it to you and I just..ruined the whole night now."

"H, I don't care. I mean, I care that you're upset, but I don't care if you forgot the present. I wouldn't have cared if you didn't get me a thing. The day with you, the dinner, nothing could ruin that."

"You're too good to me, too forgiving. I forget and you comfort me, s'not fair." He's smiling though, green eyes glowing in the candlelight between the two of you.

The next night, the two of you get a rare night in to spend together. No staying late at work for you, no extra time in the studio for him. Just takeout and trash tv that Harry always complains about, but secretly loved just as much as you. You were waiting on your Mexican food to be delivered, mixing up a batch of margaritas. You would take a night like this over an exquisite dinner out anytime.

Harry had spent the whole day apologizing, finding little ways to try to make up for what he still claimed was a ruined dinner. You shushed him each time, just wishing he would forgive himself.

Just as you're getting glasses down to pour drinks for the two of you, Harry sneaks up behind you. He takes your hand, twirling you around to face him, catching your waist when you almost fall.

He chuckles, but instantly the energy in the room has changed. It's different from your normal, everyday butterflies you get from his hand resting against your skin. No, this feels much heavier and it terrifies you.

"Found your present." His tone is light enough that some of your anxiety is eased, the smile growing on his face chasing any other doubts away that may have temporarily flooded your thoughts.

Before you can say anything, he's lifting your hand and slipping a ring on your finger.

"Oh Harry, it's stunning!" Your mind doesn't even make the connection at first, you're too mesmerized by the simple beauty of the silver ring sitting snug against your skin. He's still smiling, so big the crinkles around his eyes are shining, dimples prominent on either side of his mouth. He seems to be expecting an answer, but he hasn't asked you a question..

Suddenly it all becomes clear; the fancy dinner, the special night, it wasn't all just for your birthday.

"Harry, is this a..?" You can't even say the word, it gets caught in your throat and you swallow quickly. Before you can try again, he answers.

"S'what I intended it for, yeah." He's still beaming, "You said only one present and I wanted it to be one that counts. I know we haven't really talked much about this but it's been on my mind for a while. I love you so much, you're so good to me, good for me too and I just can't imagine not spending the rest of my days with you. Having children and growing old with you by my side, if that’s what you want. S'pose I should actually say the words though, right?"

He takes a deep breath, bringing your hand to rest on his chest, his hand covering yours before speaking again, "Will you marry me?"

The next breath out of your body is a single, "Yes." You think maybe it was too quiet and he didn't hear you at first, but then his eyes meet yours, searching quickly for any more doubts, "Yeah?"

You nod, tears forming as he lifts you, spins you once around in the kitchen before sitting you on the counter. He fits easily there in the space in front of you, like he was created to be there. To be yours, and you his.

"I have a confession to make." He's looking at you like a child who just got caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

"I didn't forget the ring last night." He's looking down, eyes darting up at you to gauge your reaction, scared to death you'll change your mind at any second.

"You had it with you the whole time? All that was an act? Looking for the ring, pretending it wasn't really there?"

"Well, no. I didn't have the ring on me then. The waiter had it. He was waiting on my signal. But yeah the rest of it was an act..had to pretend I’d forgotten it. Did a pretty good job, eh?"

"So when was it supposed to be delivered then?"

"With dessert, but that just," He wrinkles his nose, "Didn't feel right, didn't feel like us. I would much rather tell our children that I proposed to their mother like this than in some fancy restaurant that she didn't look comfortable in."

"I really looked that miserable, huh?" You wrinkle your nose back, trying to picture the image that Harry must've seen of you the night before.

"No, you looked gorgeous, love. I just prefer you like this. Softer and messier and fun and just not a care in the world as you dance around our kitchen making drinks for us."

The tears are spilling over now and he moves closer, hands cupping your cheeks and swiping them away.

"I love you so much, H." You wrap your arms around his neck and he wraps his around your middle, lifting you again. He holds you there for a minute, burying his face in your neck and securing his hands under you so you won't fall.

"I love you more, baby, so much more." He places kisses up your neck and along your jaw, landing the final one on your lips.

Whatever tragic memory your birthday held for you previously, would now forever shine instead with the reminder of his love for you.

#meanbirthdayprompt #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #my writing #this is so cheesy as alwayssss

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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Coach Cavill - Chapter 3

Summary: It’s Benji’s first competition with Henry as his coach.

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.6k

Warnings: None

A/N: Just wanted to let you know that your comments are really making my day 💕 If you want to be on the taglist, just let me know 😉😘

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Eve, her husband Johnny and their kids Lola, Jake and Yara have taken Isabella with them, so they can find a nice spot on the bleachers, while I wait for Benji, since he is at the weigh in. He walks out of the room, giving me a thumbs up. He is always a bit nervous during weigh ins, though our scale told us this morning that he was all good to go. I hold his bag, as he is slipping into his sport socks. He puts on his sweater again and says: ‘I think I can finish this year in the minus fifty five kilo category, mom.’

‘Well, we’ll see about that. There is nothing wrong with going up a category, you know. You are a teenager and still growing.’

‘I know,’ he says with a smile. ‘Let’s just hope that I won’t start growing again for approximately two months. I’d like to finish in this category.’

‘Mister Jung,’ Henry says, who walks up to the two of us. He is looking handsome today. I like him in a tracksuit, because goodness gracious, those legs…

‘Coach Cavill.’ I see the way Benji’s eyes light up when he sees coach and it nearly makes me want to melt. I dread the moment Dean will arrive… ‘The weigh in went good.’

Henry nods with a bright smile on his face. ‘Very good. Are you excited?’

‘I am.’

‘Are you nervous?’

Benji shrugs. ‘Maybe a little bit, but that’s only healthy right? At least, that’s what mom always says.’

‘When you are a bit nervous, you usually perform better, so your mom is obviously right about that.’ Henry’s eyes meet mine and smiles. ‘Good morning Amelia.’

‘Good morning.’

‘You slept good?’ he asks.

I nod. ‘Wonderfully, thank you.’

‘Benji, are you letting your mom carry your bag for you?’ Henry tsks, before taking the bag from my hands. ‘Well, since you’re not taped in yet, I’ll let it slide this time.’ He places his hand on Benji’s shoulder, who blushes and mumbles a soft: ‘Sorry coach.’

I can’t help but smile. This is the type of bond I wished Dean and Benji had.

‘You have an hour before you’re up. Eat something, drink something, make sure you’re all taped up and ready to go, so I can help you warm up, okay?’

‘Thanks coach.’ Benji smiles, before saying he is going to join aunt Eve and the rest. I watch him with a smile on my face.

‘Are you nervous?’ I ask Henry.

He scoffs, as if he is offended. ‘Why would I be nervous?’

‘You have been their coach for a week now,’ I say, as we walk towards the bleachers, ‘and this is your first tournament.’

He chuckles. ‘I don’t get nervous, especially over something like this,’ he tells me. ‘Passed that station a long time ago.’

‘Liar liar, pants on fire,’ I singsong.

He frowns. ‘That has been quite a while since I heard that phrase.’

‘Let me guess: kindergarten.’

‘How did you know?’ he asks, genuinely impressed. I’m tempted to convince him that I’m a psych-kick, but I decide to tell the truth.

‘Well, I sing this on a daily basis. I’m a kindergarten teacher, surrounded by cheeky little ones who think they can deceive me.’

Henry smiles. ‘Didn’t know you were a teacher,’ he says. ‘You seem like a sweet one. Those kids are lucky to have a teacher like you.’

This shouldn’t make me blush and yet it does. I always thought and hoped that I left my blushing episodes in high school. I wave to Eve, who obviously spotted us and nods approvingly, when her eyes fall on the handsome man beside me.

‘Here you go, champ,’ Henry says, placing the sports bag in front of Benji’s feet.

‘Thanks coach,’ he says. I know my son better than he knows himself, because I rummage through my mom bag, that is filled with necessary stuff, neatly arranged.

‘There you go, honey,’ I say to him, handing him a sandwich. I look up to Henry. ‘You want to join us or…? I have two sandwiches for you.’

‘I’m never going to say no to a sandwich, let alone two.’

I sit down next to Benji, who gives me the roll of tape and Henry sits next to me. Tons of thoughts are running through my head, but one recurring thought is that we kind of look like a couple now. We look like a family and if Isabella would sit here with us, it would be complete.

‘Here you go,’ I say to Henry, giving him his sandwich. ‘Enjoy.’

‘Mom makes the best sandwiches,’ Benji says, holding out his hand for me to tape in. ‘She can’t cook very well, but her sandwiches are out of this world.’

‘Benji, don’t tell your coach that I’m not a very good cook.’

‘But it’s true and you say that you should tell the truth.’

‘Yeah, but a little lie every now and then doesn’t hurt anyone.’

Henry chuckles. ‘Well, maybe she isn’t a great cook, but she sure as hell knows how to make a wonderful sandwich. I feel like I should pop by everyday to get one.’

I rip off a piece of tape. ‘You’re always welcome. I think Benji would love to have his favorite coach around.’

Benji blushes. ‘Well, I wouldn’t complain,’ he softly mumbles, taking a bite out of his own sandwich.

Jake and Lola, who are Benji’s age, sit on the floor at his feet. These three have been friends ever since the day they were born (thirteen days apart, making Benji the youngest) and it makes me happy that to this day, they are still close. Something deep inside me tells me that Benji is into Lola, but that is merely a gut feeling, since Benji doesn’t talk about such thing and I don’t want to be a mother that wants to pry out information like this from her child. I hated it when my mom did that, I sure as hell know that my son would hate it.

‘You want a protein bar?’ Lola asks him.

‘It’s totally acceptable, aunt Amelia,’ Jake adds, when he sees me looking. ‘I always eat it before I go to the gym.’

‘Enjoy it, sweetheart,’ I say to Benji. ‘Give me your foot.’

I tape up his ankle and I wonder what Henry is thinking right now. When I look up, as I finished taping up Benji, I see Henry smiling.

‘Mom, look,’ Isabella says, causing me to stretch myself out to see her sitting on Johnny’s leg, as Yara is sitting on his other.

‘You know,’ Johnny says, ‘this reminds me of when Lola and Jake were younger. Only this time, I don’t have a stinky boy on my leg.’

‘I’m right here, dad,’ Jake says.

I roll my eyes. ‘Well, Jake, your dad is right. You were a stinky boy when you were younger.’

‘Aunt Amelia, that is so rude!’

I stick out my tongue, before I watch the three teens start talking again. Eve and Johnny both wink at me, causing me to roll my eyes. I look to the side, to Henry. ‘So,’ I start, ‘it must be hard, to be here by yourself. No family.’

He shrugs. ‘Sometimes, but here in Luna Meadows, I feel like I’m home. Does that make sense?’

‘I totally understand. I moved out of this town when I was fifteenth and came back when I was eighteen. The second I was back here, I was home again.’

‘Why were you out of town for three years?’ Henry asks, but I don’t have an opportunity to answer, because my favorite supporter has arrived.

‘There is my champion.’ If the air could turn any colder, my spit would freeze in my mouth. Dean sits close by and it infuriates me. Do I really have to teach him the post divorce etiquette? How hard is it for someone to understand to sit away from your ex-wife?

My heart stops beating for a bit, as I watch Dean sitting next to Benji.

‘Hi dad,’ Benji says, clearly uncomfortable. He quickly checks if his dad kept his side of the bargain, by not bringing Mindy, and thankfully Dean did. Benji leans over to me and whispers: ‘Next time I don’t want him here.’

Oh, my poor baby. ‘Understood. Do you want him gone now? We can just be honest with him, he should understand.’

Benji shakes his head. ‘No, not necessary.’

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a hug.

‘Benji,’ Henry says, ‘let’s go, we’ll go stretching a bit, go over the game plan.’

My son simply nods (but I know him, he is grateful that Henry is giving him this way out) and gives me a kiss. ‘I love you, mom.’

‘Love you too.’

‘Good luck!’ Eve says. ‘You go kick some butt, promise?’

Benji smiles as he stands up. ‘I promise, aunt Eve.’

Everyone wishes him good luck and I stand up, so I can sit close to Eve. Isabella rushes over to her dad, to sit with him. I don’t like that Isabella still loves Dean, but I don’t feel like I should interfere. She is his daughter and he is her dad and that’s a bond I shouldn’t come in between, no matter how much I want to.

Jack and Lola sit between me and Dean and I lean over to Lola and whisper: ‘How about junk food after the match? As a thank you for being my human barrier.’

‘Aunt Amelia,’ Lola says with a smile on her face and she looks just like her mother now, ‘this is merely a favor. We love you.’

Eve did such a good job raising her kids.

‘Let’s ignore the idiot,’ Eve says as she leans over, ‘and talk about more important things. For example how handsome coach Cavill is.’

‘I know right,’ I chuckle, as I look over to the tatami, seeing Henry writing down some stuff on a piece of paper, as Benji is getting ready in his judogi, as he listens to his coach.

‘Also, this man is totally into you and he is not making a secret out of it. I mean, the way that man looks at you when you are not looking, it’s quite something.’

‘Don’t, Eve.’

She sends me a look, before continuing to say: ‘Benji seems to really like him too and that may be the most important thing.’

That is the most important thing. Eve knows how Benji can be and actually Johnny is one of the only men Benji trusts. ‘I know, that makes me pretty happy too.’

I can feel that Dean wants to talk to me, wants me to have a conversation with him and pretend like he didn’t ruin our marriage. Just because he didn’t bring the toddler with him, doesn’t mean I can pretend like everything is okay.

I continue to ignore Dean’s presence, just as I am ignoring the stares of everyone else. Benji is doing his warm up and Henry is helping him stretching out his muscles. Eve gets my attention, by tapping my leg and whispering: ‘Henry is good with kids, that’s also a good sign.’

I don’t know if this is her way of distracting me or if she is serious. I chuckle, before I say: ‘Shut up.’

✰ ✰ ✰

How do you kill your ex-husband, without a crowd of at least a hundred people noticing? I don’t think that is even a possibility, especially since I want that man to suffer.

He has been yelling things like: ‘That’s my boy’ and ‘Watch your defense, Benji’ and if that man knew his son one bit, he’d know that Benji hates that. The only thing I do from the side, is applauding and giving him a thumbs up when he looks at me. Jake and Lola are his friends and Isabella is his sister and they have a pass for yelling things, but Eve and Johnny also need to shut up.

However Dean is his dad, not his friend and he should know this.

‘Dean, I am warning you,’ I eventually say to him, ‘if you don’t cut the yelling right now, I’m going to kick you out.’

‘Can’t a dad support his son a little? Geez, Amelia, you are such a party pooper.’

My hands turn into fists. ‘A real dad would support his son in a way that the son appreciates it. Benji hates it when you yell from the sideline.’

Eve takes a deep breath and says: ‘Dean, if you could just shut up for the finals.’

Dean leans back in the chair and I quickly check my phone, when I see that Benji is on his, waiting for his turn.

Amelia: I’m sorry, honey

Benji: It’s okay, mom

Amelia: Sure? I can kick him out.

Benji: Sure, I can handle this.

I look up, to see his head hang, his tense shoulders and when he looks up to me, I catch the sad look in his eyes. My boy is everything but okay. My eyes meet Henry’s, who holds out his hand, non verbally telling me that it’ll be okay and I believe him. I totally believe him and who is he anyways?

He has seen my kid during practice three times and he already knows Benji better than his own father does.

During the final, I hold my breath as I usually do. I’m afraid he is going to break his neck, especially since his opponent is actually pretty good.

‘Come on, Benji, don’t be such a pushover!’

‘Dean, are you kidding me?’ I ask, pushing Jake and Lola to the side, so I can have a clear look at the man I fell for many many years ago. The man that I loved. The man that proposed to me, that told me that we would be together forever and the man who told me when Benji was born that he was going to protect him with his entire life, just like he did when Isabella was born. ‘What did I just say?’

That is the exact moment that Benji falls flat on his back, thus losing with an ippon, meaning the game is over. He walks off the tatami, after he politely shook his opponents hand and marches to the exit.

Fuck, no, no, no.

I get up and stare at Dean, hoping that I can kill him with this simple stare. ‘Look at what you did, you idiot.’

‘I’m an idiot?’ He grabs my wrist as he stands up, preventing me from going after my son. ‘He could’ve easily won this.’

I’m not going to have this conversation with him. ‘Honestly,’ I say, ‘I don’t care about the lies and the rumors you spread about me behind my back, but this is your son. You hurt him when you act like this.’ I pull my hand free from his grip, as I rush off the bleachers, hoping I can find Benji.

‘Benji, open up.’ Henry has placed his hand on the doorframe, as he continuously knocks on the wood. ‘Come on, buddy, we have to talk about this.’

‘Go away,’ I hear Benji’s muffled voice coming through the door.

Henry sees me and steps aside. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I thought this wouldn’t go to his head. I hoped I had prepared him for this.’

‘This is not your fault,’ I tell him, before I knock on the door. ‘Benji, honey, it’s me. Can you open the door for me?’

‘Leave me alone.’

‘Look, I get that you are upset,’ I say, before sighing deeply. Thanks a lot, Dean, for screwing up so badly. I place my forehead against the door. I don’t even know what to say to him. Normally I know exactly what can cheer him up, but this hasn’t happened before. How does one respond to a situation like this?

‘Is he in there?’ Dean asks, as he marches up here. Fuck, that voice is annoying the shit out of me and I feel my son tensing up, though I can’t even see him.

‘Dean, leave us alone,’ I say. ‘I’ve got this under control.’

‘You’ve got this under control?’ he repeats. ‘If you raised him to—’

‘Excuse me,’ Henry says, physically stepping in between me and Dean. ‘Amelia is right, it’s all under control.’

‘Benji is my son and—’

‘Sir,’—how does Henry stay this unbothered?—‘I get that, but we have this under control. What Benji needs right now, is his mother and as far as I’m aware of, you are not his mother.’

I’m not as unbothered as Henry is. This bothers me in a way that I can’t keep silent anymore. ‘This is your fault,’ I blurt out. ‘You have no consideration at all, now do you? What was the real reason that you wanted to watch his match? You barely went to his matches before our divorce. What is so damn special about this one?’ I gently push Henry aside, before I let out a laugh when I see Dean’s face. ‘Oh my, you are unbelievable. This had nothing to do with you wanting to get to know your son or be there for your son. This has everything to do that your brothers are coming over soon! You just want to show our son off and his accomplishments.’

‘That is not true.’

His left eyebrow just went up a bit, a clear sign he is lying. ‘Get out, Dean. Next weekend the kids, if they want to, are yours again, but right now you need to go.’ He wants to stammer something about not leaving, but I’m dead serious now. ‘Leave!’

He shakes his head out of frustration, slamming another door, before walking away.

As if he was waiting for it, because Benji opens the door and wraps his arms around my shoulders. ‘I’m sorry, mom,’ he says.

‘No, no, no, don’t you dare apologize for this,’ I say, as I run my fingers through his sweaty hair. I let out a deep sigh. ‘Next time we will not let him join your match, unless you want him to.’

Benji lets go of me, but I hold his face in my hands, when I notice his held back tears. ‘Okay, mom.’

I press a kiss on his forehead. ‘You did really well,’ I tell him.

Benji takes a deep breath, sinking his teeth in his bottom lip. ‘I’m sorry, coach,’ he says.

Henry simply frowns, placing a heavy hand in the back of Benji’s neck. ‘Why?’

‘I let you down.’

‘No, no, no, you didn’t. You were outstanding.’ Henry smiles at my son, patting him on the shoulder. ‘You can and should be very proud of yourself, because I know I am and your mom is too, that I know for sure.’

Benji simply nods and wipes away his tears. ‘Go sit with the rest, okay?’ I suggest to him and he nods. ‘I’ll be there in a second.’

‘Congrats, champ,’ Henry says, ‘second place is very good.’

‘Yeah,’ Benji says with a smile, before walking away.

I finally let out that frustrated breath I have been holding since Benji walked out of the bathroom stall. ‘Fuck,’ I mumble underneath my breath. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why are you apologizing?’ he asks.

‘You got sucked into some family drama as the new coach. Highly doubt that was what you signed up for.’

‘Listen, Amelia,’ Henry says, causing me to look up, since he sounds so sincere, ‘I know how shitty a divorce can be and it takes time for the respective parties to find their ways. From the looks of it, you did and your ex husband hasn’t. That this happened… It’s not what you want and in an ideal world, it wouldn’t have happened. I understand. Just… Just give it time, okay?’

‘I gave him five months,’ I say, ‘even longer than that. It just seems that he can’t be the dad they deserve.’ This is already way too much information that I wanted to share, especially with a man like him. That doesn’t stop me from oversharing some more, since Henry has this unexplainable vibe, that makes me want to spill my guts. ‘They don’t even want to visit him anymore.’

‘And you aren’t forcing them?’

‘No, of course not.’

Henry smiles. ‘Then you are already doing better than most.’ He takes a step closer and places a hand on my shoulder. It’s a simple gesture, but it makes me feel so noticed. ‘You’re a good mom and Benji loves you a lot.’

I bite my bottom lip. ‘Yeah…’

‘He does, really,’ he says, when he senses my lack of reaction. ‘He even told me after practice the day before yesterday. Not many kids that age gush over their moms the way he does.’

Okay, I have been holding in the tears for too long now, because they spill over my cheeks. ‘Shit, sorry,’ I say, wiping the tears off my face. ‘I shouldn’t cry over this.’

’No, it’s understandable, Amelia. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you cry.’

‘No, no, no,’ I quickly say. ‘It’s just that… I pulled my shit together during the whole divorce process and… I mean… I don’t know. I’m sorry, you don’t care about this at all. I shouldn’t dump my unsorted feelings out on you.’

‘Mom, the award ceremony is going to start,’ I hear Isabella say and I hastily dry my cheeks.

‘I’m coming, sweetie,’ I say. I hold out my hands in a form of an apology, before I rush passed Henry. ‘Have you seen your dad?’

‘No,’ Isabella says, holding my hand. ‘And I don’t want to see him this weekend. Maybe next weekend.’

‘Okay, but only if you want. Remember that.’

(Let’s hope they work this time)

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