#writings hard and being actively ignored just makes it harder

[himbos-hotline]

*watches all my fics get ignored* i love writing so much

[cannellee]

would you ever write hybrid ABO? like they have animal traits and features (usually ears and tail) but beyond that its basically ABO

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ☆ (hybrid au!)

୨୧ hybrid! alpha! tokyorev x hybrid! omega! reader (pairing : mitsuya, draken, taiju, chifuyu, ran)

— a little peek of what a life with them would be like in a hybrid au!

cw : slight mention of sex in taiju's

I can give it a try but I don't think I'll be writing hybrid content in the future!

MY MASTERLIST : ☆

𐙚 ALPHA! MITSUYA

mitsuya as a hybrid radiates even more warmth than usual, he has such an inviting presence and such calming pheromones it's hard to ignore.

he is attentive and nurturing, always reassuring you and detecting even the slightest changes in your mood or well-being. he's quick to provide comfort and support during times like this when you're more vulnerable. he gives you little soothing licks on your cheeks and softly bites your neck in order to make you feel safe and cherished.

his tail often wraps around your waist or rests gently against your leg, it's his way of showing you have his full attention, even in public. he notices right away when you're upset and your ears drop a little or whenever your frenetic tail isn't as active as usual, you just can't fool him.

he takes care of your hair, ears and tail the best way he can. he makes them shine and all soft. he knows you like your fur to be well maintained, so he's careful.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

𐙚 ALPHA! DRAKEN

boy is alert. he has straight ears, just like those of a doberman and they're always moving and twitching in every directions, capturing any little noise.

hybrid draken is your loyal guard dog, literally. if you couldn't already tell from his frown and angry pheromones, the way his tail is immobile and his ears are lying flat on his head are a heavy indicator of his irritation. he's watchful, stays vigilant and always positions himself between you and potential threats.

but draken is gentle and sweet, and whenever it's just the two of you, he lets you pet his head and scratch his scalp. he loves the cute purring you let out because of how pleased you are to have tamed this imposing alpha.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

𐙚 ALPHA! TAIJU

taiju as a hybrid is easily mistaken as a wolf, he's just this big and intimidating. he has sharp, attentive ears and an enormous build. he looks like he'll crush your bones if you look at his omega (which is true). he's always growling at others and often overwhelms you because of his strong pheromones.

his teeth are sharp like razors and always make you tremble whenever he's grazing your skin with them, making you feel even smaller than usual. his scent is a constant reminder of the dynamic of your relationship, you're weak and sweet and you listen, while he's the one in charge who knows what you need.

he considers that he can touch you whenever he wants, you're his after all. he likes to see you crumble under his touch, see how pouty you become once he plays with your ears or pull on your tail when you're having sex from behind, just like animals. it hurts so good you end up crying for more like a dumb little puppy.

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

𐙚 ALPHA! CHIFUYU

he loves to groom you, taking care of your fluffy tail and loving to watch every single one of your reactions. he likes the way your ears moves and reacts to his words and comforting pheromones and how your tail seems to swing even harder each time he tells you you're pretty.

similarly, you often tease him and tickle his ears, knowing fully they're sensitive and causes him to blush. he's nuzzling you 24/7, showing his affection in every ways possible.

hybrid chifuyu is even more protective but extremely gentle and caring, the duality is insane and hard to ignore. it makes you feel privileged and warm inside to know that your alpha is acting like this towards you only. you're able to do whatever you want with him, put little ribbons on his tail, spray it with your strawberry perfume, messily curl his fur with your hair straightener and decorate it with other pink hair clips you have. chifuyu simply wants you to enjoy spending time with him!

                                    · · ୨୧ · ·

𐙚 ALPHA RAN

ran absolutely loves his adorably sweet omega who's always so happy to see him, tail moving so fast he can barely see it.

he teases you about it after an argument for example. he'll try and make you laugh when you refuse to look at him, trying hard to ignore him. but he'll drop a few funny remarks and even while doing your best at remaining stoic, your tail just won't cooperate! look at that excited fluffy thing and the angry pout you have! it just doesn't match and makes you look even cuter.

he loves to tease your little ears too! softly pinching them with his fingers, watching with a sadistic grin how it makes you whine. it doesn't hurt though, but the unexpected touch has you all flustered.

and the teasing is always one-sided, you can never seem to be quiet enough to surprise him from behind and jump on his back. he hears you because of how your happy tail bumps into things and brushes against furniture. but he'll sometimes play along and let you creep up behind him, acting all scared before enveloping you in his arms and scent, which is even more prominent as a hybrid. it's powerful and clings to you for days.

[damiansgoodgirll]

hello, can you write about damian priest x reader where she just got into the main roster on RAW and she felt left out in the women's lockerroom (except becky and liv) and a impossible crush with the archer of infamy but he is the one who ask her out

love this request!

‼️a little angst and rhea’s a little mean, sorry

damian priest x reader

my birdie

you were a shy person.

always been. but when it came to wrestling, you were an animal, everyone knew about your abilities and they loved you for it. that’s why you went from nxt to smackdown and from smackdown to raw in less than two years.

people wanted to see you doing big things and big things came when hunter placed you in a completely different roaster.

you made some friends in nxt, you’ve been there the most so your colleagues got to know you better. it’s not that you were rude, you didn’t like being on your own either but you were shy.

some of your colleagues got to know this side of you and tried to involve you in more activities together, others didn’t care as they all wanted to focus on themselves.

when you spent a few months on smackdown, everyone apart from bayley ignored you. she immediately understood what you were feeling. fear of being alone and starting in a roaster where you didn’t know anybody and the fact that you weren’t talkative at all was making it 100% harder.

you were grateful for bayley and for her patience with you, that’s why you cried to her when you were being shifted on raw.

you wanted to be on raw, you were just scared of how you were going to be treated. it wasn’t easy on smackdown but at least you made a friend.

the first two weeks were hard. bayley was constantly checking on you, making sure you were okay and doing good. she even said to the other girls that you were shy and needed a little time to open up but it felt like they didn’t care.

liv and becky were the only two people who never made you feel unwanted. they took times to introduce you to the rest of the raw squad.

basically, everyone was ignoring you.

shayna tried to get to know you, and in fact she liked your shy and calm persona but she was too focused on her goals to have time to get to know you better. still, you appreciated her efforts. she still spent time eating lunch with you and you were really grateful for that.

but, apart from the three girls, it was clear that you were unwanted. other girls saw you as a threat.

especially rhea. you would describe the meeting with the judgment day “the most scary day of your life”. liv introduced you to them and you felt like an animal in a cage when you felt all of their eyes on you.

dom and finn didn’t really care about you. rhea ignored you but kept watching you. damian, well, damian had the audacity to make some stupid jokes about your shy persona.

“what is a scared birdie like you doing in a place like this?” he joked making everyone but liv laugh “cat really got your tongue birdie? be safe out there, you’re a little bird in a room full of cats ready to eat you alive”

“and the one right here” dom said pointing at rhea “is the scariest cat you’ll ever meet” and with that they all left.

you remember crying that night.

you also knew that becky and liv had a conversation with them because they stopped poking at you. they just watched you from afar. especially damian. who you got a little crush on but could never tell him. you couldn’t really understand why he was constantly watching you. when you were training. when you were on live television. when you were basically doing nothing. he was watching you and his beautiful but firm eyes made you a little scared.

“what is she doing here?” you heard rhea saying to finn, one time you were all training together. she didn’t know you were listening but you were. and her words hurt you “she looks like a lost princess from disneyland” she said making finn laugh.

you excused yourself from training with becky and seth and they immediately knew something was wrong. they took you under their protective wing, training with you and teaching you new moves.

“jeez rhea, was that necessary?” becky said with an angry look on her face.

“what?” she said like nothing happened.

“why do you all hate her so much? what has she ever done to you?” seth said to finn and the rest of the judgment day.

silence.

they had no reason to hate her “like i thought” seth said.

“she’s in the wrong place” rhea said, not making eye contact with becky.

“wrong place? she kicked your ass last week” becky said laughing “just because she’s shy doesn’t mean she isn’t capable, she’s just as smart and strong as you rhea…she just has more difficulty to open up to people…you guys should help her instead of making fun of her, or at least, if you don’t feel that kind to get to know her, ignore her…for her own sake, stop making fun of her” becky said very annoyed before leaving with seth.

that night you kept thinking about rhea’s words. maybe you really were in the wrong place. maybe you didn’t belong with them. maybe you really should be doing something different. and those thoughts made you cry because wrestling was all you ever wanted to do in your entire life.

but before you could overthink again, a soft knock on your hotel room awaked you from your wandering mind.

you weren’t definitely expecting to see damian priest in front of you.

“hey…” he smiled at you.

“you should at least wait until tomorrow to make fun of me” you said, looking at the ground “again…”

damian felt guilty.

he saw how you quickly wiped your tears away. he also knew he fucked up.

he felt guilty because in reality he was in love with you. you caught his attention the moment liv introduced you to them. he was watching every move you made, making sure you were being safe but he didn’t want to let you know what he was feeling.

“i’m here to apologise…”

“sure” you still weren’t looking at him.

“i’m serious y/n…i’m so sorry for how i made you feel, for how me and my team made you feel…” he began apologising and you let him in the room before you could catch other’s attention “we thought it was funny at first but…we clearly weren’t thinking and for that i’m so sorry, we didn’t mean to hurt you” he said truthfully but still you weren’t looking at him.

his eyes had a different effect on you.

“can you please look at me?” he said moving closer to your body “are you scared of me birdie?”

“i’m not scared…” you said raising your eyes.

now you were both looking into each other’s eyes.

“i’m sorry…really, so so sorry for hurting you…” he apologised again.

“it’s okay damian…thank you for your apology, uhm…it’s okay now i guess” you shyly smiled at him.

“and if you’re okay…i would like to get to know you a little bit more…only if you’re okay with that” he said a little awkwardly.

“yes…it’s okay for me”

“perfect” he smiled “what about tomorrow? i’ll take you somewhere nice for lunch, if you’re free of course” he rambled.

“i’m free” you smiled, seeing how funny he was being.

“then i’ll see you tomorrow birdie” he smirked before leaving your room.

“would you ever stop calling me that?” you asked him.

“i don’t think so” he smiled at you closing your hotel door.

you looked at the door for about ten minutes before moving into your bed, smiling like a teen who just got asked out.

now, all you had to do was to get a nice sleep and waiting for tomorrow to come.

[satuguro]

can you do sub!ethan on call with chad while reader blows him and makes him talk to chad and hold on his moans, I BEGGG!! pls and thank u

・゜KEEP IT DOWN LOW

ethan landry x reader

#SYNOPSIS— ethan needs to stop talking to chad and start paying attention to you.

#CONTAINS— mild degradation, spit, oral (m. receiving), exhibitionism (??), sub! ethan, mild mommy kink (not sorry at all)

#AUTHORSNOTE— thank you for requesting! @cerealzzz's post def reminded me to write this oops

he was still talking to him.

you were silently fuming as you watched ethan talk actively with chad, his free hand moving as he spoke about something you frankly couldn’t care less about.

you hadn’t had a lot of time with ethan in a week because of finals and work, and now he was being stolen from you because of chad? you were just about ready to beat the jock up.

chad had called an hour ago. for one whole hour you had been sitting on your phone, patiently waiting for their conversation to end. you knew ethan was also partly the reason for the long conversation; he could go through a million topics before going back on track, but chad wasn’t any better because he was exactly the same way.

another loud sigh escaped your lips, one that your boyfriend easily ignored as he smiled into the phone at something chad said. was he in love with chad? you, tara, and mindy always used to joke about it but the more your patience wore thin the more you felt like it might be true.

you sighed again— louder and longer this time, eyes still set on your phone screen, and finally ethan got the memo. he looked up with you with an apologetic smile and kept talking.

maybe he didn’t get the memo. you rolled your eyes as the conversation continued on, your fingers moving on their own as you mindlessly scrolled through social media, until you stopped. it was as if a lightbulb had gone off in your head, the idea striking you and sounding so perfect that you resisted the urge to say, “i’m a genius,” out loud to your distracted boyfriend.

putting your phone on the side table gently, you slowly moved closer to ethan as he sat on your bed, his back to the headboard and his legs splayed out in front of him. he gave you an innocent smile (he was so sweet, but at the moment you didn’t care) as you put your legs on either side of his hips, straddling him.

“hi, baby,” ethan said softly, smile quickly falling when he heard chad’s voice on the other line. “what? no, of course not to you—“ his ramble was cut off with a gasp from him as your clothed cunt moved against his bulge, eyes widening as he stared up at you.

and that smile you had.. it told him everything he needed to know about what was going on.

you raised a finger to your lips as you moved on top of ethan again, hips fluid as you felt him get harder underneath you. his cheeks were reddening as he listened to chad, lips parted as he moved his hips up to meet yours, desperate for friction.

“ethan? hello?” chad said from the other side of the phone, dragging out ethan’s name.

“keep talking,” you mouthed to him, slowly moving down his body as you sent him a grin. you were face to face with the drawstring of his joggers, eyes still dead set on his dilated ones as he struggled to keep himself under control.

“sorry—“ ethan said, his voice a bit higher than usual as you palmed him through his pants. he never failed to be so needy for you, his eyes boring into yours as he silently pleaded for more. “i’m free on thursday, if you and mindy wanna go see the movie,” ethan forced out.

you pulled his joggers down, a wicked smile on your face when you saw his hard cock straining through his underwear. leaning down, you mouthed at it through the fabric.

ethan sucked his lower lip into his mouth, covering the bottom of the phone as a needy whine left his lips. “please,” he whispered to you, making you tsk.

“don’t keep chad waiting, ethan.” your smile grew as you pulled his underwear down, his hard cock nearly hitting you in the face.

“have you seen a lot on it? evil dead rise?” chad asked on the other line, forcing ethan to focus on him yet again. but how could he when his eyes were solely on you and the spit that was falling from your mouth and onto his fat tip?

“n—no—“ ethan lied, eyes rolling to the back of his head when you took his tip into your mouth, tonguing at his sensitive slit. “i—“ he covered the bottom of the phone as he moaned softly. “i haven’t seen anything!” ethan said all at once, his words strung together as you began bobbing your head.

he was always so sensitive. even the slightest touch from you got him hard, and you loved that about him.

“dude, are you okay?” chad asked with a small laugh, making ethan’s cheeks burn red as you pulled off of him, jerking him off in your hand.

ethan whimpered, eyes glassy as he tried to compose himself. “i’m fine— oh my god—“ he bit down on his bottom lip again, sharp canines digging into his skin as he felt you take all of him into your mouth and suck hard. his hand went to the back of your head, guiding you up and down his cock as his head fell back. he was trying so hard to keep it together, to listen to what chad was saying and keep himself under control, but ethan couldn’t, because you mouth felt so good and warm, and your tongue was running along the vein that ran under his cock and it was all too much.

pulling off of his cock with a 'pop', your tongue ran along ethan's tip. “you better keep talking, baby," you murmured quietly, loud enough for only the poor boy could hear, "you don't want chad to know how desperate you are for me, huh?"

ethan's head shook quickly, his curls moving with him as he let out a shaky exhale. chad was still talking animatedly into the phone, blissfully oblivious to how his 'innocent' roommate was getting the life sucked out of him on the other line. and as he spoke, ethan's hand covered the bottom of the phone as he bit back loud moans, head falling back against the headboard.

"dude, usually you're the one who can't shut up over the phone," chad said, only mildly worried, making ethan's eyes widen when he remembered he hadn't spoken for nearly three minutes.

"just— mm— not feeling well!" ethan managed, "just keep talking, i'll listen!" he forced out before quickly pressing mute and dropping the phone and letting out such a slutty moan that you found yourself practically dripping at the sound.

saliva dripped down to the base of his cock and down to his balls, which you played with in your hand as your head bobbed. up and down, you took him deeper and deeper into your mouth, eyes watering and tears streaming down your face, and finally, finally, you looked up at your boyfriend, and his cock hit the back of your throat.

you looked so lewd. ethan's bottom lip was bitten red as he let out a stifled whine just at the sight of you. you were so beautiful, he never could get over that, but seeing you in such a sinful position with eyes akin to a succubi's made him buck his hips into your throat. your lips were stretched over the girth of his cock, saliva fully dripping from the corners as tears fell from your cheeks. your hand was jerking off what you couldn't fit in your mouth, and when you pulled away, your hand didn't stop.

tump swiping over his tip, you watched as ethan whimpered, his voice breathless and high pitched as he began to speak as though chad wasn't on the phone. "y/n— momma— please," ethan whined a little bit louder than he wanted to, eyes glassy as he stared down at you. he was so close. so fucking close, and you were torturing him more than you already had been.

"awe, you wanna cum in my mouth?" you asked condescendingly, making him whine in frustration.

ethan's cheeks burned red with embarrassment, his tears already welling in his eyes (the poor boy always got so emotional when he was needy) as he sniffed and nodded. "please."

with a smirk like the devil, you took him back into your mouth, not wasting any more time in giving him what he wanted. incoherent babbles left ethan's mouth as you let him fuck your mouth, lewd choking sounds echoing in your room as you sucked him off.

"gonna cum— wanna— please—" ethan shoved his cock deeper into your mouth, a moan leaving his lips as he came in your mouth. hot spurts of cum filled your mouth, and as you slowly pulled yourself off of his still hard cock (jesus, his stamina was crazy), you opened your mouth to reveal your tongue full of white. ethan's eyes widened at the sight, his pupils dilated as he stared shamelessly before you swallowed.

"fuck," ethan breathed, cheeks as red as his bitten lips before you shoved your pants off and pulled your panties aside, sinking down onto his cock and making him whine at the overstimulation.

you picked up ethan's phone, resisting the urge to laugh when you noticed that ethan was so fucked out that he didn't press mute on his phone. horror befall ethan's face when you showed him the ongoing call that was very much not muted, and you hummed as you raised it to your ear. your hips rolled on top of ethan's.

"sorry, chad. how much of that did you hear?"

#TAGLIST— @the-sander-fander

[commanderyes]

The Commander Says Goodbye

I’m not going to lie, I’m extremely anxious as i’m writing this, out of what these news could mean to a lot of people, and my heart feels heavy enough it could drop down my ribcage any minute from now and squish all my other organs. But I’ve been dancing around this topic for a long time now, and I think i’ve finally reached a point where i can’t ignore it anymore, for my own sake.

I hereby announce Commander Yes has come to an end.

As I’ve mentioned plenty of times before, here and to many other people, when I began this comic all the way back in 2018 I was in a really bad, really low place in my life in every sense of the word, and it was a spur-of-the moment decision to cheer myself up, because Path of Fire had just released and my enjoyment of the game had reached fever pitch and I had been playing Guild Wars 2 alone since as far as launch, and none of my other friends had ever really gotten into it. I guess I just, dunno, cried out into the big maelstrom of the community, one voice amidst millions, because i wanted SOMEBODY to look at what i did and revel in the nerdery with me.

And somehow the snowball began to roll and people wanted more and more of what I could do, and I was being actively reached out to, and, well, some time after that I landed my first ever job, I discovered a lot of things about myself, and I found myself in communities that welcomed me with open arms, and many of the people in there have since become among the best friends I could’ve possibly encountered, kindred souls who i’ve shared joys and sorrows for many years and who I can’t imagine living without anymore.

And all the while I kept making the comics, and with every entry posted every week I’d keep having people stopping to comment on them, and whether they were dumb jokes or personal takes on the story, they’d all share how much what I do kept hitting them in the kokoro, and to this day whenever I play anywhere in the game I still get people who recognize me and thank me for doing what I do. It was wonderful, it IS wonderful, and seeing that response motivated me to keep going, because what did still mattered to people, out there.

But I did always say I planned to keep doing these comics until I ran out of energy for them, and I think i’ve finally reached that point.

Because ever since I actually landed that job I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived every other day, so much so that I only have time to work on the comic on saturdays and sundays, and it gets harder and harder to just sit and draw, and at that point it was just more work, and while I still enjoy and play Guild Wars 2 a lot, it no longer consumes my time and attention like I’ve used to and i’ve been having fun with more personal projects, and honestly the direction the story is taking these days does not sit right with me and it’s hard to find inspiration in that, and this might be borderline selfish but every year I find people care less and less about the comics and it really takes a hit to you motivation when hardly anybody responds after you’ve spent a whole weekend trying to squeeze a five-page comic out.

And, well, I have been doing these for six years straight, and I think that’s a good run. I’m tired, and ready to move on, at long last. Let it be someone else’s turn.

But that’s the beautiful thing about this community, isn’t it? Even if I’m hanging up the hat, there are a whole lot of fantastic artists out there, as we speak, still cranking out works of art, deserving of all the attention they can get. And think of all the artists yet to come! For every story that ends, another story is just about to begin!

The world keeps on spinning, one way or another.

I’ll be closing my patreon shortly after this, but the reddit archives and tumblr blog shall remain for people to browse whenever they feel like (or until they both go in flames, i guess, what social media isn’t about to these days)

I still don’t think I ever was that much of a big deal, but all the same, to everyone who’s ever supported me and helped me be the person I am right now, to everyone who’s been there from the beginning, to all the devs of this game that has captured us for nearly a decade now, to all my fellow players and artists out there

Thank you.

See you out there, fellow commanders. Still the stars find their way.

[secretsideblogshhhh]

Imagine you live in a kingdom. Everything in this kingdom was modeled after the founder of the whole city.

This means the house sizes, the utensils, the clothes, every single thing, was made for him.

And for plenty of people this is fine. The clothes fit them, the cabinets are easy enough to reach, the size of the tools are perfect.

But you're a fair bit smaller than this guy was. The clothes are extremely baggy on you. You struggle to keep them on. They get in your way and you trip over them all the time.

You can't reach the cabinets, the tools are hard to hold in your hands.

Everything you do takes so much effort because nothing here was made for you.

But everyone else gets annoyed by this, not because of the system made that makes life hard on you, but because you're different.

They hate you constantly tripping.

You mention maybe getting a belt to help with that, and everyone you know gets mad at you for even suggesting it.

"you don't really need a belt"

"you could just take some growth medicine, get bigger"

"you don't deserve special treatment just because you're different"

"well everything works just fine for me, I don't know why you have issues"

And it's frustrating. The only person who you can relate to is your buddy Tim, who's a whole lot bigger than the guy everything was made for was.

His clothes cut off his circulation, they actively hurt him.

He hits his head on doors, he can barely use the tools because they're so small to him.

He wants to make his own clothes, but he can't afford it because he can't keep a job.

No one wants to hire a guy who can't hold the tools, or who needs a break every few hours so he can take off his clothes in the bathroom to breathe.

And even if he did manage to get the money, the tools are too small. He'd have to hire someone.

And hiring someone would cost so much more.

Of course the responses he gets are similar to yours.

"you're just lazy, it's not that hard to get and keep a job"

"have you tried just losing weight? That's probably what's causing all your issues"

You and him bond over this. How the world is cruel to you for being different. You found each other because of you were different from everyone else and it brought you closer

But then people see your friendship. It would be natural to assume that your friendship makes sense. You have the same struggles after all.

But no.

People see that you're friends and say

"well obviously you're both making up your issues, it's so rare for even one of you to exist. But 2 of you? You have to be lying for attention"

You try to show them that your issues are real, because you want help. You'd love for others to understand and help you fix the way the kingdom is built.

But people look away, they ignore you. Either pretending to not see you or they just invalidate your experience.

"everyone has rough days"

"you just got some poorly made clothes"

"He just wants an excuse so he doesn't have to work"

"if you just tried harder-"

Everyone seems to have some solution for your issues, ones you've tried a hundred times before.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on your existence. Usually pity or disgust. Often a mix of both, though the disgust isn't something anyone will admit to aloud. Their actions speak loud enough though.

That's how it feels to have a disability. Especially an invisible one. You have to fight just to be heard and it's exhausting.

Everything that you do is a struggle people who aren't disabled just don't understand. And it's infuriating how they write you off just because they don't want to even try to understand

[pinkjoy-cons]

𝘈𝘭 𝘏𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘮 𝘉𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘣 #1

My friend was feeling feral for Al Haitham so I wrote something for her. :)

Word Count: 1132

Warnings: sub character, dom reader, fem. bodied reader but no pronouns used, no descriptive characteristics (skin tone, hair type), power bottom?, slight breeding kink, praise (giving), maybe controled orgasm, exageration of sexual activity, Al Haitham begs, semi-edited, probably horrible writing, I don't write dom readers so this is probably really really bad but let me know. Minors please don't interact. brief handjob, Al Haitham says "no" once but everything is consensual. Let me know if I missed anything

Grand Sage, can you assist me with this?

Grand Sage I need you to get this done by tonight.

Al Haitham! Are you purposely ignoring my proposal? Hey! Stop walking away, I'm not done talking!

Every day it was the same: People would come into his office and give him loads of work he didn't want and he was forced to work ungodly hours. Not only that but he felt like he was neglecting you. Gods you. You were truly a blessing to him. Not once did you complain about his hectic adjusting to the new position. You yourself had a troublesome job with demanding hours so when all this came to be you simply smiled and gave him a kiss good luck.

But now finally, finally get had you. 

He was desperate as he thrusted his aching cock into your warm walls. 

"Fuck." He moaned into your neck as he stilled. He relished in the way your nails felt on his back as he pushed further in. He pushed until his balls were flushed against you. Al Haitham bit and sucked your skin and you laughed into a moan. Despite you being pinned against him, you were the one in control. The small praises that you whispered in his ear.

"That's my big boy."

"Come on deeper, I wanna feel you." 

A particularly hard thrust caused you to gasp and breathe deeply, "Fuck Al Haitham just like that. Keep going!" You held him closer as he picked up the speed. 

He growled into your ear. "That's it! Good boy keep going! Harder!"

You both were beginning to feel that familiar knots in your cores. That feeling of spiraling out of control, desperate for more pleasure.

"I missed you Gods I missed you. " He sucked your breast, licking your nipple before releasing with a pop. He felt your walls clamp down on his cock and it was almost too much for him. You came with a choked sob and harsh tug on his hair that made him choke on his own breath. 

"Baby, please…inside. Let me come inside." You had a wicked smirk on your face as he begged. 

"No pretty boy, not yet. Keep going. Make me come again." He could almost sob at your request but he listened. He continued to pound your pussy. He could feel his balls slap against the curve of your ass with each pump of his cock. They were practically swollen as he held back the need to come. 

Your walls clamped down on him again but he didn't hear that satisfaction of you coming. Which means that you were holding off for him. Prolonging your own climax to halt his. 

He bottomed out and held it there nearly wanting to cry at how sensitive his dick had become. He buried his face in your chest and breathed deeply. You could feel his dick pulse inside you begging for release, so it gave you an idea.

You lifted his head with one hand and held his cheek. He leaned into your touch as you made him look you in the eyes.

"Beg."

It was a command not a suggestion.

"Please," He started, "Please let me come inside you. I- I need it. I need to breed you so badly. I want to see it leak out of you. I missed you so much, let me come inside you."

Honestly not bad. He could have done better but you'll accept it for now. 

"Stay still." You whispered in his ear and while he was still inside of you, you began to lift your hips to slide his dick in and out of your cunt. You moaned loudly as you fucked yourself self and all Al Haitham could do was hold himself up as you used him. 

In a moment of weakness, he tried moving his hips to match yours but you shut that down with a harsh pinch to his nipple. 

"I said stay still." You breathed through moans and words that made his dick twitch within you.

Finally you came for a second time. You laid back and could see sweat beading at his forehead. Out of curiosity, you pushed Al Haitham back just enough to separate you two and the sight made you huff a small laugh. His cock was so swollen and ready to burst. The tip an angry red; it twitched and pulsed without being touched. 

You began rubbing the tip with your hand and Al Haitham choked out a sob.

"No. Please. I wanna….inside."

Having played with him enough you laid back and helped him put himself back in you. And you wrapped your legs tightly around his hips so he couldn't break out. That was all Al Haitham needed to fuck you desperately. A string of Thank yous and I love you, I missed you fell from his lips as his cock rubbed every nerve of your walls. You held him tighter and bit his neck.

He moaned into your ear and came. It felt like it wouldn't stop as he came. He continued to do small pumps before going deep to make sure his seed would be planted within you. 

You both laid there for a minute, basking in the moment. You rubbed his hair as his breathing returned to normal. He finally pulled out and stared in between your legs. You spread them further for him and put two fingers in. You played with yourself and finally spread your pussy lips apart for him to see his cum leaking out. You felt it, and scooped it up before it could get too far.

With your cum-soaked fingers, you gave him a come here motion and said "Clean me up." 

He got to work on eating you out, not caring that it was his own cum or that he wanted it to stay in you. 

You forced Al Haitham's head down as you praised him Good boy, so excited to clean me up real good huh?

Al Haitham moaned against your spent pussy and pushed his tongue into your cunt to scoop it all out. Sucking and licking until it's all gone. 

Finally, when it was, you laid him on your chest. You wiped down his face and chest with a prepared washcloth and he did the same to you. As he laid, he focused on your heartbeat; he found great comfort in it and wrapped his arms around you tightly to never let you go.

After a few minutes you spoke.

"Thank you for that baby. I know you wanted to breed me and I made you clean it up but," you pulled his face up just enough for you to see his eyes, "That just means we get to have more rounds until I'm full, huh."

[radicheart]

so...some updates.

i had to quit my job due to the physical toll it was taking on me. right now i'm still struggling to walk due to my lower back feeling really sprained. i think i pulled a muscle or something and my recovery is slow.

i do feel better than i did a week ago, though. i could hardly move at all without the pain being so overwhelming that i wanted to cry. now it's still there and i can't bend over very well, but i can at least move around.

physical pain aside, i've been struggling to write or talk to people in general due to my mental health taking a bit of a nosedive. i've had some pretty bad history over the years with trying to talk to people (both online and in person) and having what i say either be glossed over or outright ignored. i also have a constant worry that i'm bothering people whenever i do get comfortable and start sending a bunch of messages to them. as a result of both points, it's become really hard for me to approach anyone.

i do think that it's partially my fault for not trying harder. and i do understand that people are busy, or aren't in the mood to talk/write for whatever reason. it just feels like everyone i know is going through that communicative rut, so i don't have very many people i feel comfortable approaching on my own.

i've been writing on discord, though. at least a little. i know not everyone writes on discord, and that's okay too. it's just easier for me to write on there than it is here since it doesn't make my anxiety flare up nearly as badly.

as of right now, i'm not too sure what my stance is on being more active. i know i made that post a while back about approaching people in dms, and it got a pretty big response (which i am very grateful for!). but i'm not sure if i have the drive to do much of anything on this site at the moment. i feel pretty drained in general, and coming on here just to experience a constant fomo (fear of missing out, for those that don't know), as well as feeling insignificant/replaceable, doesn't help in the slightest.

so, for right now, i'll be sticking to discord. if you have me on there already, feel free to give me a nudge if you like. and if you don't have me on there, feel free to add me. my username is sunibuni. you don't need to ask me if it's ok to add me. you have my permission per this post.

thanks for reading and being patient and understanding as always. i hope y'all have a great day/night. <3

[chickenleafs-world]

Rewatching the original animated X-men series in preparation for 97, so of course I’ve also been seeing a lot of X-men posts. And, as always, I have strong opinions on what people on the internet say. Most of the time those opinions are “how did these people read/watch X-men growing up and not get that they’re the villains” because people are being bigots and are upset that their favorite heroes aren’t. But sometimes I’m stuck being frustratingly close to agreeing and my strong opinions are much harder to voice. In part because you don’t want to walk into the Discourse Landmine, but also in part because there’s so much to go over on the take.

Case in point: the “Magneto is right, Xavier is wrong” take, where my main problem with people is more the lack of nuance than the base take. And I know most of the people saying it are also doing it in part as a joke and get the nuance is there, but it still irks me.

Let’s be clear, in general, Magneto is not right, but he isn’t wrong either. Xavier isn’t wrong, but he isn’t right either. Obviously it’s partly dependent on whoever is writing at the moment, but also depending on which individual take of Magneto’s or Xavier’s you’re talking about. Yes, sometimes Xavier is frustratingly, harmfully liberal. Yes, sometimes Erik is doing the best possible for mutant well being. But there’s a lot of wiggle room with individual portrayals, and I think Xavier deserves justice for it. I’m not saying Magneto is just a villain, Stan Lee himself didn’t see him as such, but depending on the writers he can certainly be wrong.

Xavier is wrong when he focuses just on mutants with “useful” powers or conventionally attractive and human looks. He’s wrong when he puts the safety of bigots over the safety of the mutants they’re oppressing. He’s wrong when his only way of helping mutants is through the system. He’s wrong when he’s sending the X-men out to fight mutants more than bigots. He’s wrong when he hides he’s a mutant to avoid the stigma, even when the reveal would help solidarity and public trust. He’s wrong a lot.

But Xavier is right when he focuses on teaching mutants to love themselves and teaches them to control their powers and use them for good. He’s right when he says mutants and non-mutants can live in harmony. He’s right when he send the X-men out to destroy government/private property that’s being used to hurt mutants. He’s right when he takes out all his students, “attractive” or not, to speak up for mutant rights. He’s right when he sends the X-men to break innocent mutants out of prison/jail/unlawful containment. He’s right when he opens his institute to all mutants, so they have a safe place to go to. He’s right when he gives X-men choice and training for hard experiences, be it the choice to hide their powers or be open with them, to break out of jail/avoid arrest, or wait and go through an unfair trial for the sake of mutant visibility and legal precedent. He’s right when he finds places like the institute around the world. He’s right when he himself is on good terms with Magneto and works with him when it’s necessary for mutant good.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of writers put Professor X as a filthy liberal. It sucks. Focuses on performative acts, letting fascists take ground for the sake of “civility,” and putting minorities at risk for the sake of optics, those are all bad. But sometimes liberal acts can be tools in the tool box. Voting isn’t gonna solve shit, but it can make it go downhill slower. Putting gay people in media isn’t going to end homophobia, but it will normalize gay people. Testifying before Congress for mutant rights might not be the flashiest or most effective way to get mutants’ rights, but it is a way to advance public opinion and slow anti-mutant laws. Just that isn’t good enough to beat the liberal accusations, but combined with the actions of some incarnations it genuinely changes their context. We can’t ignore all the times that Xavier has actively sent the X-men out to break laws and destroy government property for the sake of mutant well being. As much as we joke about the X-men being liberals, they usually aren’t afraid to break laws, break property, and raise hell for the sake of their people. And don’t forget that lot’s of “peaceful” acts of protest still cause disruption and still make a difference, even when it seems liberal on the surface, and can be organized by genuinely leftist people. Lots of Professor X’s portrayals could be genuinely leftist.

Likewise, Magneto is right a lot. He’s right when he says mutants shouldn’t be forced to stay in places where they’re being violently persecuted. He’s right when he advocates mutants fight back when bigots attack instead of just taking it. He’s right when he takes in mutants despite how palatable or useful they are. He’s right to actively fight fascists rising to exterminate his people. He’s right when he gives no fucks about the law when it comes to protecting minorities. He’s right when he creates a safe haven for mutants.

But boy, Magneto is also wrong a lot. He’s wrong when he says mutants and non-mutants can’t live together. He’s wrong when he says non-mutants are inferior. He’s wrong when he gets upset at mutants for wanting to live in harmony with humans. He’s wrong when he invalidates mutants who are upset with where being a mutant has gotten them, without helping them through the complicated feelings it brings. He’s wrong when he frames the X-men, a fellow mutant group, for his crimes. He’s wrong when he says mutants should exterminate non-mutants. He’s wrong when he thinks a mutant ethnostate is the end-all-be-all of mutant rights.

Erik is the kind of antagonist you get. He’s right on a lot of things. He has a lot of emotional appeal. As a (let’s be honest, gay) Jewish holocaust survivor, you know he’s coming from experience with his tactics. He genuinely doesn’t hate Xavier in most incarnations. But that doesn’t mean that in the incarnations where he literally calls for genocide, he should be let off the hook. Violence and resistance are important to most leftists movements, or even just mildly progressive ones. Be it a civil war to end US slavery, the riots at Stonewall, slave rebellions, or any number of revolutionary wars, sometimes active violence is necessary to stop the passive violence that minorities go through while oppressed. At the same time, it’s a fundamentally leftist ideal to believe in rehabilitation and the importance of people changing. And it’s also important to remember that genocide is bad no matter who’s doing it. Letting the genocidal versions of Magneto off the hook because it was “for mutants” is the same logic that lets Israel get away with how it treats Palestine.

I know that’s a lot of rambling to say something a lot of people already know, but as much as I love the “magneto was right” memes and the posts making fun of liberal X-men, I don’t want the genuinely leftists parts of the X-men to go unappreciated, nor the genuinely harmful parts of Magneto’s ideology excused.

[monstermoviedean]

oof man i have enjoyed destiel and cas a great deal but the more i rewatch and explore meta lately the harder it is to see any of that as actually any good for dean. even from a platonic perspective. like all of the heavy lifting is always on him and cas is just.. so terrible for and to him so much of the time - sometimes unknowingly sure but largely with full awareness and he never apologizes or grows from any of it in any kind of meaningful way which makes even his (arguably) good intentions meaningless. the highs can be so high don't get me wrong but the lows are just egregious. and constant. most of the time it feels like cas exists entirely to either create new problems or make existing problems worse lol idk just venting i guess. cas is a great character and i love how messy he can be but he gets off way too easy in canon and especially fanon imo.

first off, this ask made me want to give you a very big hug, anon. so if you're so inclined: *very big hug*

(long response ahead)

i probably wouldn't go so far as "terrible" but that's just me! i would say that a lot of the specific issues cas has lead him to actions that activate dean's specific issues. the big one for me is cas needing to feel worthy and capable, which leads him to do things on his own pretty frequently. that is absolutely understandable and valid for him, and i don't want to criticize him for it. it just happens that this is varying levels of upsetting to dean because he cares about cas, worries about cas, and doesn't want cas to leave or be silent for extended periods...which cas often does.

where i will criticize cas is how no matter how many times dean begs cas to keep him in the loop or hell, just even pick up the phone every once in a while, cas never really changes this behavior. i think there are a lot of issues between dean and cas that are caused by different needs or unintentional miscommunication of those needs, but this stands out to me as an area in which dean has a specific need, he communicates that need clearly, cas clearly understands the need, and cas ignores the need.

i do agree that cas is less apologetic than he could be and does not meaningfully grow in terms of some of his most harmful tendencies. i'm like, 50/50 on whether that's a cas issue or a writing issue. i think it's probably both, but the balance shifts day to day for me honestly. also i think you could make an argument for this problem being one that is manufactured by chuck, if you wanted to. but that doesn't make watching it any less frustrating.

cas creating or exacerbating problems - i hadn't thought about this! i think after s6 this tends to be more of a writing problem than a cas problem, but i do see what you're saying. and that makes it even worse in that basically cas sees himself as an eternal screw-up, and the events of the show don't do a lot to contradict that. it's possible that cas thinks the one thing he didn't screw up was dying to save dean, and that fucking sucks. that sucks hard.

cas getting off too easy in canon - agreed. and i think it's partly because dean almost always forgives him, very easily. i think dean acts as our emotional conduit for the show, so if dean forgives cas, we're supposed to forgive cas. and he almost always does! cas getting off too easy in fanon - EXTREME agree. i'm expecting angry anons just for suggesting cas sometimes does things wrong lmao.

now, here's why i still love destiel and always will (and if this doesn't work for you, no worries! just my two cents). i think all of their issues have a simple, if not easy, fix: time and space. if they could just stop running, stop feeling like they're under attack from a million different angles, take a second to breathe and think and reflect in safety - they could address a ton of their issues. a lot of unintentional miscommunication happens because they're in a hurry, or they get interrupted, or because there is something so pressing and urgent that they can only talk about plot-specific information and anything else feels extraneous. if they get a second where they can sit down and say, hey, this has been bothering me, can we talk? they can address it.

i think for a lot of their relationship dean is so scared of cas leaving that he leaves many things unsaid, afraid that revealing too much will scare cas off. but after 15x18, when he knows for sure that cas wants to be with him? i think dean would find it much easier and less scary to talk to cas about how cas' actions affect him. i also think cas would be more willing to listen and understand dean's feelings, and to talk about his own feelings. i really believe they could make it work if they weren't constantly in crisis. and we have only ever seen them in various levels of crisis.

[hisui555]

Hazbin Hotel thoughts : Foils 3

(Foils 1 here)

(Foils 2 here)

(Foils 4 here)

Masterpost here.

Might as well crank out that one while I'm at it. Two words (and a half) : Alastor VS Vox.

(...Alright, not everybody at once, someone might get caught in the stampede.)

Yep, let's talk about two of the statistically main favorites (well, they're mine too in a way. In a "would like to see them trip up and crumble" way), who have a lot in common despite how much they despise each other. First of all, let's round up what we know : they have a Radio VS Video shtick that everyone and their dog knows about, inside and outside the show, are both Overlords, might have been closer in the past whatever that relationship was based on the torn photo of Alastor in Vox' possession (seen in Ep 8), Alastor died in the 1930s while Vox died in the 1950s, so the former has been around 20 years in Hell when the latter popped up there and highly probably met him there, Vox wanted him on his team at one point but Alastor turned him down as flat as his face, Vox infamously got butthurt (and it's implied he had/still has a crush on Alastor - at the very least a very strong interest to be noticed by him - if going by the Hazbin Wiki's cited sources, the archived "Hazbin Hotel Fashion Stream for the Comics") and metaphorically speaking declared war on him, while Alastor very much doesn't have the same obsession and outside of feeling aggravated by Vox' presence when Vox decides to crave attention, can't care less about him.

Hilariously enough, though, they have quite the lot of parallels, even hitting idependently the same idea - religious outfit, multi-shot of themselves around a target to get a point across, mocking doodles for a broadcast, ominous about-to-lose-it "What did you say" in a heavily filtered voice, clawing up a surface under out-of-control emotions, hundred-watts smile to keep up appearances (and as a tool like Alastor himself points out), the clothing style (though Vivienne liking bowties and suits does have a hand in it), the go-to guy where problems arise (Alastor being the powerful one dealing with physical threats the Hotel faces, Vox being the local babysitter to make things fall in line), the showmanship, the pride, the issues with control, the attention-craving tendencies and hatred of being ignored... you certainly saw the posts on Tumblr, I'm not the first one pointing this out, by far (deuxaeonn has a very good one here). But looking closely, it looks like either they have naturally a lot in common, or that someone (not naming names but giving you a hard sideglance, Vox) has caught habits or is emulating the other sub/consciously. Given that one had a 20 years heads-up in Hell on the other, well, can't be that far-fetched (even if nothing is confirmed at this point by now, at the time of writing).

The main difference is how they go at it : Alastor is steadier and truer to himself than Vox, who privileges quantity over quality. While both have issues with control and presenting an unflappable front (which they are very much not), Alastor manages to keep it better together, whereas Vox dissolves into what can be only called a tantrum when things don't go his way ("FffuhuHuck !") and his ego takes a blow. Vox also has to try harder or more actively to get attention to him (Stayed Gone's beginning, where he We Don't Talk About Bruno-ed himself by speaking about Alastor to say that it's useless to speak about Alastor. "Stop giving him the time of day !" - great job, buddy) while Alastor just has to pop up and in three quick sentences dresses him down in front of everyone. While Vox floods people with too much and meaningless information - be it visual or audible, hopping from scene to scene, Alastor plays with mystery and withholding information so that everyone goes crazy guessing ("I'm sure you've all been wondering") - which works well on the fans outside the show, but inside ? Not so much : Carmilla just shrugs him off, Zestial is mildly curious at best, the other Overlord don't even ask, Lucifer doesn't even know who he is, which drives him up the wall. The only one actually caring (despite insisting on the contrary) about what he does and why he's back ? Ironically, that's the one Alastor doesn't want to acknowledge !

(Oh, Vox, you wish Alastor would look at you the same way he looks at Lucifer... boy this is peak comedy gold.)

Alastor only needs his voice and aura of enigma wrapped into a mystery, while Vox has his face everywhere. Alastor chooses each moment to make them more impactful and plays his cards close to his chest, while Vox wants to be on all fronts and keep the cards coming to drown the opponent with them. Alastor only has to speak to intimidate, Vox relies on his bullshit-talking skills and hypnosis, though they both have confidence and charisma : Alastor's is more about danger and unpredictability, someone to be wary of, Vox' is about false friendliness and advertising, someone to trust. Alastor joins the Hotel for his own personal amusement and is very upfront about his sadistic motives, Vox plays friendly and hides his own behind false niceness and pretend service. With both of them, you need to read the fine print : literally with Vox ("Trust us ! With what ? None of your business" - seen on one of his posters in Ep 2 if you're looking for it) and metaphorically with Alastor - he'll honor his word, and his word alone.

Both also don't drop the façade when in private, though it doesn't take much for Vox to be pushed over the edge (a certain name will do it just fine), while Alastor keeps on the smile even in the middle of a breakdown (though if it's out of habit, or because he maybe literally can't is up in the air for now). They both want control and to be in control, and fancy themselves to be quite powerful. Their arrogance also doesn't help : Alastor goes against Adam without any angelic weaponry, and guess who loses the fight ? For Vox, Stayed Gone is basically him wanting to throw a stone and realizing too late it was in fact a boomerang. That he caught with his face. This guy should write a book : How To Shoot Yourself In The Foot 101. Funnily enough, they also seem to have issues with boredom and frustration : Alastor needs to be entertained, and Vox' life isn't sometimes as glamourous as he paints it out to be - that with having to deal with coworkers that put the "dick" in predictable and the "ass" in pass.

Alastor however is much more competent (if equally petty) at keeping it together than Vox, never losing that gentlemanly attitude (or almost). He rebounds more easily, and while both are manipulative, Alastor pushes the right buttons (not unlike Velvette, even if she's doing it very agressively) he knows will give him the best response, playing into insecurities and weaknesses (Cheap Booze (TM) for Husk, catering to Charlie's need of approval by playing the 'dad figure'), while Vox guides people to the conclusion he wants them to make by letting them think they did the process on their own (seen with Valentino) and prodding for the right answers. It's also interesting to see that, while he responds if provoked, up to know Alastor never really starts a song on his own : even Inside Of Every Demon Is A Lost Cause is a reprise riding on Charlie's Inside Of Every Demon Is A Rainbow that he composes on the fly. Stayed Gone has him responding to Vox, Hell's Greatest Dad is him hijacking Lucifer's show to steal his thunder, Ready For This has him as a part of the group, and only the Finale verse has him alone and clashing with the rest of the song, only popping back up from "And we'll do it with a smile !" line onwards.

It underscores nicely Alastor's ability to insert himself in the life of others and riding the coattails of what's currently going on to his needs, going along with the flow until his goals are met, from the shadows that make up his powers. Vox on the other side presents himself as a necessity taking over everyone's lives, in center-stage and spotlight, dominating all fields from TV shows to cereals and ice cream, for crying out loud, just like he did technology. His powers are lightning-based (outside of technology-themed), which makes a funny contrast with Alastor's shadows. Also, just to nail it home, one has an almost-complete red palette (with black accents) while the other's is blue (with bits of red). And of course, they're both the Old (Alastor, who dislikes anything made after his death in the 1930s) and the New (Vox, who keeps up with technology's evolution, always chases after new trends and replaced body parts like his head to fit better) - hence Vox also appearing more shallow but also more adaptative than Alastor, who's more upfront about his intentions but also a bit behind the times and could be left in the dust if he weren't so powerful, but in a way, like radio, is less regarded but still useful and relevant. As many people pointed out, radio waves are the basis for TV, after all.

Their ascentions to power are also different despite similarities : they both became each one of the well-known hot acts in Hell, though with Alastor it came completely out of left field to the shock of everyone, as he's rumored to be one of the most powerful Sinner souls in Hell on his own (presumably) and nobody knows how, while Vox is the powerful CEO of a domain that has monopoly on entertainment in the Pride Ring, and most-likely climbed the ladder in relatively "normal" ways compared to the sheer mystery surrounding Alastor : Vox made the right connections, used his knowledge, forged the right contracts and alliances at the right times and like other companies associated himself with the right people for it to work (the Vees). Vox managed to fight Alastor and live to tell the tale (getting "almost beaten"), and while Alastor can easily upstage him, this means that he's still worthy of the title of Overlord and probably no slouch in an actual fight. Probably. Or at least has a style of fighting that makes him annoying and/or dangerous to face. However, what Alastor can face on his own and mainly alone, Vox has to do while relying on others.

But seriously, if these two are revealed to have been sort-of buddies in the past, I wouldn't be surprised.

(Also, just adding : the idea of Vox getting dissed romantically by someone who thought they just dissed him in a business-way, because they're completely blind to the potential romantic implications, and Vox thinking this was on purpose, is just gut-busting hilarious. I don't know which way it'll go in the show, but if it happens that way, I WILL crack my whole ribcage in hysterics.)

Welp, see ya next time by brain goes "ding !" again.

Again, Masterpost here.

PS : Thank you deuxaeonn for allowing the link to your post !

[burningvelvet]

on percy shelley & human connection & coping through art

to set the mood of this post i must say i'm writing it really quickly on my phone over a bowl of pasta with bread & broccoli & some orange flavored sparkling water & im still dressed in my outdoor wintery clothes (all black, knee boots, wool, silver chains & rings, although i mostly prefer gold jewelry).

so anyway today i've been kind of sad over ppl not replying to my texts & my usual reaction is to say "ok, guess i'll kms, wah wah, cry cry" but this sort of passively cynical joking schtick has gotten old & i would rather occupy myself some other way instead of moping about failed connections or the difficulty of initiating contact with anyone or the struggles of modern socialization as a whole.

instead, i will read the works of percy shelley tonight, and think about how he struggled with all of this over 200 yrs ago. of how hard he struggled to make leigh hunt and lord byron collaborate with him on their journal the liberal, and how he struggled all his life to build a positive community even in spite of years of bullying, ostracization, and family strife - he often felt like giving up, and like human connection was impossible, but he never gave in to apathy and instead he continuously curated his ideal life by seeking out other like-minded people, even when he occasionally embarrassed himself in public or when others were decidely averse to him or lukewarm in their reception. john keats didn't entirely take to him when they met and some of keats' friends straight-up disliked percy for being weird, but percy (though scarcely knowing him) loved keats as a brother-poet nonetheless, was generous to him, wrote one of his masterpieces in his favor, and died with a copy of his poems in his pocket.

percy always reached out to others and was a loyal friend even when others disrespected him or ignored him or just simply didnt love him as much as he did them. his letters to lord byron show how reverent he was to his friend, and how his affection was never returned in quite the same gusto, but, while still trying to keep his self-respect, percy quelled his frustrations and continued his correspondence with byron regardless. percy acted as the mediator between byron and claire even when his stress was so high it weighed heavily on his health. he actively tried to choose to be positive even when the people around him were negative or miserable. like most writers back then, he sent his writing to his idols, and sought mentorship from people he admired, like william godwin and leigh hunt, and he continued to respect them even when they took advantage of him financially (moreso in godwin's case).

anyway what i mean to say is that whenever im feeling lonely or rejected or alienated or socially stupid or am just second-guessing my role in society or whatever whatever whatever, i cling to creativity/art/literature/etc. even harder than i regularly do, because thats what it exists for.

i knew a therapist (not one i saw as a patient, but someone i knew through mutual interests in media/the arts) who said that a certain musical performance we both loved probably saved way more lives than any single therapist ever has. - the performance in question was david bowie's tokyo 1990 live recording of rock n roll suicide, an anti-suicide song (its available on youtube, go watch it lol, he performs it with so much conviction).

any way even though at the end of his life shelley sometimes felt like he was failing to achieve his dream of building a utopian art commune - he actually did succeed in introducing several people to each other in ways that changed peoples lives. his friends jane williams and thomas jefferson hogg got married only through his mutual friendship. whole literary societies have been started in his honor - to this day there are conferences & whatnot that meet annually - his life & writing continues to inspire people and bring them comfort - & he would be extremely proud of that - any artist would. the main goal of any famous dead writer is basically to become the imaginary friend of their future readers & he accomplished that - even though all the time he was wracked with doubt/depression/suicidality/illness/chronic pain, etc. - as a political/philosophical radical, he realized that having hope is one of the most influential & radical things one can do - & i'm glad that, even though this is a person who died over 200 yrs ago, there is at least one person who really resonates with me - even though we're from different centuries, different continents, different sexes, etc. - it's helpful to have positive influences to look up to, especially when they've also struggled in similar ways as you. and although shelley was pretty privileged (rich englishman) he really did struggle a lot mentally & physically - his life was a chaotic mess - and he wasn't perfect at all - but i think he's still inspirational for my previously mentioned reasons - his ceaseless hope. the last poem he was working on was titled the triumph of life, even though he wrote it during a deep depression. the last poem he published in his lifetime was hellas, which he hoped would raise money for the cause of greek war of independence. from the poem:

"Life may change, but it may fly not;

Hope may vanish, but can die not;

Truth be veiled, but still it burneth;

Love repulsed, — but it returneth!"

[headingalaxys-spicy]

Spicy plz I’m so bored ;-;— could you grace me with some headcanons for yandere America with an s/o who seems oblivious to his tendencies but is actually just. Pretty okay with it? Like they feel like this is the best they’re gonna get so they may as well make the most of it? Despite my casual tone I’m very okay with you ripping my heart out with angst or despair in any way you see fit <3

Probably not my best work but still hope you like it!

Okay warning ya'll this post is SPICY also it goes over abusive relationships so if that's not for you I suggest that you turn away now.

Your problems all began when you were let into the real world after college. It would be easy, they said. You just needed your degree, they said. Then it would be ‘smooth sailing’. 

Sure. SURE. That was a load of total bullshit. You now had to battle tooth and nail just to have the basic necessities barely. Your future looked bleak. ‘The Dream’ that originally you wanted to achieve: Get married, have two kids, have a house you owned, and maybe a fancy car that yu could show off and keep up with the Joneses. Best them even. 

You simply wanted more time with your family and friends, so you avoided applying to ghost jobs and attending interviews that ultimately led nowhere. You did freelance work like writing gigs, catering, and the occasional art commission in order to keep your head above the water. 

Some days were easy, but most were difficult. Keeping the tiny flame ignited within you to keep you going was a 24 hr 7-day 7-day-a-week kind of job. With each passing day, finding the will to exist was getting harder. 

‘Why do anything if I’m constantly feeling empty?’ 

You felt as though you were on a pitch-black road where your flashlight could only reach 2 ft in front of you. 

That was until Alfred burst into your life in the early morning sun rays that broke through the deep blue-black of the nighttime sky. His outward warmth brought the birds to life and made the flowers blossom. He was the bright person you needed to be around you. Even if that meant you tolerated his sinister tendencies that you commonly wrote off as him being an excellent protective boyfriend in a somewhat twisted way. 

Alfred always knows where you are. He ensures the Find My iPhone tracker is activated and shares your location with him at all times. When you first saw it, and he didn’t even bother to ask or even tell you that he did so… You simply ignored it. He was your boyfriend, and that’s what good boyfriends do…..protect their highly vulnerable S/O and part of that is knowing where you are at all times. 

Things don’t escalate if you’re incredibly passive and are compliant with the rules that Alfred sets for you. You will have a lack of privacy. He gets far more possessive if individuals (s) in your midst are suspicious or seem to be far too friendly for his liking. You become afraid of him when he raises his voice while interrogating you about one of your friends or acquaintances. Alfred’s fist will have made another gaping hole in the wall, which sometimes makes you fear for your life or your family. You would nearly jump out of your skin every time you came home & you saw his infamous frown combined with sapphire blues holding back famished flames, needy for more people to devour if they dared to come in between the two of you. 

Anyone who dared to challenge him on any of his behavior would be silenced swiftly. Most of the time, his victims would never be seen again; other times, they’d end up with some horrific injury or illness that prevented his targets from having the willpower to fight back or squeal. 

You always wondered why it had become much more difficult for you to maintain genuine friendships. You glossed over the fact that Alfred demanded 110% of your attention. This makes it hard for you to have a life outside of him. He also has enforced a curfew on you. 

‘He does that so some creep doesn’t try to kidnap me.’ That would be one of the excuses that you tell yourself in order to excuse his behavior. Besides, how long has it been since you were able to get a date before him? Two or three years, probably more, since so much time has passed since you’ve had a serious long-term relationship. You couldn’t really remember at this point. 

Whenever he objects to you leaving the house, 98% of the time, you employ some tactics when dealing with him. Negotiation. You primarily used this tactic when the effects of becoming stir-crazy have become unbearable. You feared that you would be swallowed up by his home and never seen again. 

“Alfred….” your eyes will search the hardwood floor for the perfect combination of words that will assist in getting you to some level of freedom. 

“I really want some fresh air….and…it’s been forever since we’ve had a cute date on in the park….or going to my favorite restaurant that is on the promenade….” Your eyes cautiously climb up to meet his. You braced yourself for the possible avalanche that was going to careen towards you if you didn’t plant your ice ax in neutral snow. 

“Where I first began to fall in love with you truly!” You blurted out with partially feigned fervor. Enough energy was behind your words that you could see Alfred’s shoulder relax. His freshly trimmed eyebrows were raised in curiosity and disbelief. However, he wasn’t entirely convinced yet. You needed to stroke his ego a little more. He needed reassurance that you were utterly smitten with him. His continued silence was a sign for you to continue with your argument. 

“I know when the last sun rays of the day hit your magnificent sky blues, I know that we were meant to be together.” It will feel like an eternity has passed before Alfred finally responds. 

“Alright, babe.” 

You hear him rise from his spot on the couch & make his way towards you. 

“We can go tonight, but you’ve got to get dressed in something better than that~” Alfred will have pinned you to the front door as he whispers in your ear his other demands he has for you. Usually, it’s that of a sexual nature. Alfred does have you do things like: have you wear a skimpy outfit while you iron his clothes, and give him head while he reads comics or plays video games. You’re not allowed to deny him anything that he asks of you when you work out a ‘deal’ with him. If you do you’ll have to do double of whatever it is along with being chained to the bed for a few days. 

Essentially dear reader you have Stockholm Syndrome. Regardless of what torture he puts you through, you wouldn’t want your life any other way. After all, it was Alfred who brought forth the morning sun in your life which felt as though you were cursed to be within a state of eternal midnight. 

Who were you to complain when he saved you from being on the streets whose jagged teeth had the flesh of the unfortunate on them but always eager for more.

So what if you were a little traumatized?

So what if you sometimes you had scars whenever you did something to set the sleeping volcano off?

It was better than being awash amidst the sea of people who merely became a number to add to a statistical data set. 

Alfred does weaponize sex a lot within your relationship. Not only is it a bargaining tool whenever you are desperate to meet your social needs as a human, but you use it to stop his occasional rampages, get some level of privacy (for example, showering by yourself or being able to keep a dairy without him snooping in it) 

Since Alfred is an exhibitionist & will never turn down an opportunity to showcase his power over you, he will have you do extreme things with him. He’ll demand that you have sex in public with him, like in the park, at a movie theatre, at Disney World on a dark ride, or even on the top of the roof of a government building. If it’s risky as hell with an epic story to tell, then Alfred will want to rail you there. Bonus: he will want you to be butt-naked in the car as well. Alfred will want you to feel every ounce of embarrassment, shame, & every emotion in between that makes you feel vulnerable and powerless. However, this punishment will only occur if you’re stupid enough to try and plan an escape away from him or say something that majorly punctures his ego. 

No matter how much he made you cry, made you bleed after sex, siphoned you off from your support system, and kept you firmly under his thumb… your low self-esteem told you that this was what you deserved. This was normal. This was how all couples behaved.

[vmures]

Thoughts on Fandom Peer Pressure via Shaming and Bullying

There is a very loud subset of people in fandoms that are incredibly frustrating and hard to deal with--those who seem to think the best way to get what they want out of fandom is to harass, bully, shame, and intimidate others who do not interact with fandom in a way that matches their own. It's hard to know if their goal is to drive all other points of view out of fandom or to shame people into only interacting with fandom in a certain way, whether that's only writing certain pairings or tropes or only agreeing with their meta takes and headcanons.

You may notice that I kept that statement very broad, and I did so intentionally. Many will read this and go "oh great another anti/proshipper discourse take" and honestly, I think the problem is much broader than that because I have seen examples of the above that don't necessarily fit under the typical anti bullshit.

For example, fans of a canon character who dislike other's interpretations of said canon character's actions and bully and harass anyone who dares write their favorite in a way they disagree with. These folks will often co-opt anti tactics because they have seen how effective those tactics can be in driving people out of a fandom. So they'll label those with takes they can't stand as problematic in some form or fashion. Call them racist, ableist, sexist...insert -ist of your choice regardless of whether or not there is anything to support their claims. They'll bend over backwards to create support for their claims and twist the words of those who disagree with them and push back on their bullying.

But there is an outcome they don't consider, which is that they are actively making it harder for many in fandom to like that character because of their actions. There are plenty of studies that show that shaming is an ineffective method for changing behavior. Additionally, we know that shaming and bullying about a topic can lead to complex relationships with that topic. Shaming and bullying someone about their weight frequently leads to disordered eating issues and a rocky relationship with food and body image in general.

Being bullied and harassed over something that brings you joy can lead you to lose all interest in that thing. And if it is tied with a certain aspect of a thing, like a character in a fandom, it can lead you to hate that aspect more than anything and to associate that aspect with the bullies themselves.

When it comes to fandom, this plays out in many ways. Some will leave the fandom entirely, and, eventually, this will cause the fandom to shrink or die out completely. Some will just keep on keeping on and ignore the haters. Some will find themselves hating the character(s) and/or pairings that the bullies love to the point that they can no longer write those characters or pairings in a positive light. And the more they get harassed and bullied, the more they hate the character(s) and/or pairings. And even if they manage to block and mute all the bullies, the negative feelings about the bullies' favorites continue because those favorites are forever chained to the bullying they endured.

Even just seeing others abused and harassed in the name of defending a favorite character can result in people associating that character with bullies and abuse and thus cause them to form a negative opinion of the character. Fandom is a very social culture and the way fans act impacts the way other fans feel about the fandom and various aspects of it. Our fandom creativity is fed off of each other's ideas and takes. So if all we see of fans of a specific character or pairing is utter nastiness, then people will come to dislike it just because they associate it with that ugly behavior.

TLDR - If you bully others over a topic, you'll eventually cause them to associate the take you love with bullying and harassment and probably make more people hate that thing as a result. If you really want to encourage people to interact with fandom in a similar way as you do and to create fandom works that you love, you'll be a lot better off using encouragement and compassion.

[guz013]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (no pressure though! positivity is cool)💛

Ok, that's an interesting question and chain, because it made me really question and reflect on some things. But first, the 5 things:

I became a [some sort of] therapist for a lot of friends of mine, to the point that they ask if I can also help their friends sometimes. And most of the time helping them also helps me better understand mental problems and issues on my life, and when I need some "friend-therapist", I know that I can rely on them back;

I learned to learn. Growing up as what I would learn is called "gifted child", really made it difficult in my teenage to [now] early-adult life. When you grow up having your entire life being able to learn things quickly, the first time you encounter something challenging, it hits harder;

I like to be bold and have a challenge. It is somewhat contradictory from the last point, but nowadays, I do not like to, and almost can't work, without having some sort of challenge or bigger goal in mind. Yes, having small tasks is good for the day-to-day, but actively having an objective in life that's greater than myself as a person (like creating my childhood company/brand) keeps me motivated to not give up. I don't care if this dream never comes to reality totally one day, just having something to reach for is already enough;

I acknowledge the present and it's value. This is something that I still struggle with, anxiety really makes it hard to just focus and be grateful about the present and the "now". However, I started to finally acknowledge it, plan things for tomorrow, instead for next month or even year. Things like programming and drawing really made me appreciate the process of creating things, instead of just wanting the final product done. Even though in can go backwards from the past point, I would summarize this thinking as: "living the present, but being optimist about the future";

I became "someone who's trying to improve". This phrase/mantra that I created for myself, joking on not, really helped my life. In just 5 words there's the acceptance that I'm not perfect, that it's not guaranteed that I will achieve my goals, but that I will always try, that I always have room to improve. Growing up I had some fucked up opinions and wasn't the best person I would say, but well, I improved, I'm now better, I'm not perfect, and I will make a mistake in the future or even hurt someone accidentally again, but I will apologize, I will try to improve, I will become a better self. And hopefully, in the process, I can improve my art, my products, projects, and the world where I live in.

I have to admit that listing these things was kinda hard. Because of all the "gifted kid childhood" thing, I tried to develop some sort of anti-ego for myself, trying to be less egocentric, since I was a lot in the past and still do have a problem with ego sometimes. This doesn't mean that I'm harsh on myself, but personally it is hard to accept complements even from myself, since I know that because of complements of strangers, teachers, parents, I started to feel like I know everything and ended up somewhat ignorant for a lot of things. So the amount of "I" in this post was somewhat strange, not going to lie. However, sometimes feeling uncomfortable is healthy y'know, it's hard to be comfortable when you are starting to draw for example, but the lack of comfort is part of the process and changing.

And being more grateful with and reflecting about yourself is nice sometimes, it really can show how much you improved and can improve as a person. This is even one of the reasons I started the Daily Blogs, it's a constant self-reflection of my day, creative process, and self. I would really recommend anyone reading this give it a shot, try to make a diary, or write how was your week, anything that can help you reflect where you are, where you were, and where you want to be. Self reflection doesn't need to be daily, and most of the time I would say shouldn't be public (I really filter a lot of personal thoughts on my daily blogs and posts, privacy is good and not something you can take back easily), and it can be in any format, from a markdown file on Obsidian, to a plaintext note in your phone. Just give yourself some time without social media, entertainment, and have a talk with your own mind, it really helps.

Thanks for the ask @pxasee! This was an interesting experience.

Bonus: My girlfriend said that one thing that she likes about me is my smile.

[orpheusilver]

care to elaborate on the miles venom arc?

YES okay so. the thing abt the symbiote is that (like any good corruption arc) it feeds on and amplifies the worst traits of a character, which is pretty straightforward in peters case - his biggest issue is his anger, usually manifesting via retribution (eg. "i missed the part where thats my problem", hunting down uncle bens killer), so his origin story is always the great power/great responsibility thing so he learns to temper that rage. what the symbiote does, practically, is force him to unlearn that foundational character arc and regress to his worst self

since the symbiote really really loves aggression peter parker is literally its dream guy but miles is a little more complex. hes definitely susceptible to that same anger (eg. wanting to "make kingpin pay", the entire sm2 martin li arc) but not as often and nowhere near as hardcore, so the peter playbook wont work as well for him (and also it would be fucking boring. weve seen that shit like 8 times already (not saying symbiote peter is boring i just think modern iterations need to explore new aspects to avoid treading the same ground constantly (sm2 does this very fucking well (also yuri lowenthal is a great va for peter like right up there with josh keaton (i think this many parentheses means im off topic (the adhd demon got me))))))

SO. whats miles' major issue he needs to overcome in his origin story? full disclosure i have not read the comics (but i heard they had some issues with his initial characterization anyway? which is fair enough tbh writing the successor to such an iconic guy is Fucking Hard) so TO ME PERSONALLY!! spider-verse miles is the definitive iteration of the guy and like. we all remember the whats up danger scene, his origin arc is overcoming self-doubt and learning to believe in himself ("its a leap of faith", "youre on your way, just keep going") which, alongside social anxiety (eg. the itsv "everyone knows" scene, sm2 "are you mad at me? it sounds like youre mad at me" dialog), seems to be part of some general anxiety issues. this is pretty well supported by the recent "the spider within" short film (which funnily enough is very fucking reminiscent of some sequences in kravens last hunt, not relevant but kinda cool) which also shows how miles responds by self-isolating, similarly to ps5 miles when peter ignores him

the symbiote can exploit his self-doubt pretty easily, the inherent power boost will do most of the heavy lifting to make him feel like hes not good enough without it - what if he runs out of web at the worst moment? what if hes not strong or fast enough to save someone? what if hes caught mid-costume change because hes so used to the suit changing itself? the more valid the (inital) concerns the better imo

the social anxiety is a tricky one but i think if miles traps himself in a doom loop of self-isolation he might spiral into genuine paranoia, which combined w/ the patented symbiote rage could lead him to lash out at people around him. "everyone secretly hates me so im gonna avoid being around people" -> "i feel alienated from everyone i know so im gonna avoid them even harder" -> "am i 'okay'? why would you care? what are you playing at? fuck off and leave me alone" -> "nobody wants to interact w/ me so everyone who does must have ulterior motives and is therefore a threat to me/my family/my city" -> "im completely isolated but bad things are still happening so people must be conspiring against me w/o my knowledge" -> "literally everyone on earth is out to get me and i need to fight them about it"

from there i think the ideal conclusion is pretty self-evident - miles takes a metaphorical leap of faith (calling back to the lesson learned in his origin arc) by actively choosing to trust someone, reach out and ask for help w/ removing the symbiote and dealing with the contemporary big bad (potentially his local peter variant bc hes got experience w/ symbiote removal and it would tie into the "leap of faith" motif but idk)

so tldr: a miles symbiote arc would be different to peters arcs in some (very interesting) key ways - rather than unbridled aggression he could be characterized by intense anxiety, manifesting as paranoid self-isolation and a sense of dependence on the symbiote suit, and would end the arc by reaching out for help in a symbolic leap of faith