#writing these is kind of cathartic for me

[marley-manson]

the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

[witchspeka]

It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!

But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh

I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes

[neige-leblanche]

idk i do need to think more abt how ppls personal experiences interact w their Fandom Behaviors esp now that im less caught up in a specific fandom that was rlly bad about that lol

[elainewellspoetry]

I believed in my father growing up and I shouldn't have | 3.4.24

[slayerkitty]

@lurkingshan poked at me and said I should write out my thoughts about Tai in relation to being a middle child of divorced parents and why he’s acting the way he is. I can’t promise this is gonna be any kind of coherent, cause ya’ll, this episode hit me in feels I haven’t had since I was a kid, but I’ve cranked my BL OST playlist and I’m gonna give it a shot. 

So, first things first - I am a middle child (one older sister, one younger brother) of divorced parents. My parents divorced when I was pretty young (six-ish?). My mother remarried when I was eight, and she and my step-father divorced when I was sixteen. So when I say I relate so hard to Tai and how he processes...life, it’s kinda scary.  

Let’s back up though and talk about a couple of things that are gonna apply to Tai here that obviously wouldn’t in a normal situation like this as we aren’t all living in a soulmate AU. 

Like most, if not all soulmate AU’s, society has placed pressure and expectation on those who meet the criteria of the world they’re based in. That means from the moment Tai was old enough to understand language (as young as one-two, he probably understood that sometimes mom and dad can’t hear him when it rains) and by the time he was school age, I would assume that he knows and understands his parents can “hear” each other when it rains, and that means (says who? I mean really, who decided this?) that his parents are soulmates. This is something that is an inherent, ingrained part of their culture as well as their family dynamic. 

(Side note: I cannot remember if Tai said how young the hearing loss starts, just that I think at twenty, you would start to hear your “soulmate” when it rained)

So picture Tai, a middle child with three other siblings who craves attention and validation, finding out that of his siblings, he’s the only one who’s like his parents. There’s a post by @syrena-del-mar here who goes more in depth about the sibling’s birth order and what it means for each of their characters and personalities; middle child syndrome is a real thing (*points to self*). Tai having this connection with his parents when his other siblings didn’t would be so meaningful to him. I would even say it might make it more impactful. It’s also clearly made Tai put more intense expectations and beliefs onto his parents marriage as a result (as well as shaped his expectations and beliefs about his own future relationship with his “soulmate”). 

(Side note #2: before I launch into the next part, I just want to say that I’m not blaming or defending any characters. They all did/are doing what they think is best at the time. I don’t believe any one specific character’s behaviors are malicious. That doesn’t mean they made good decisions either, though. Just wanted to put that out there, lol.)

So, now that I’ve laid out some extremely wordy groundwork, let’s fast forward to Tai’s parents telling the kids about the divorce. Firstly, while I know that Tai’s parents wanted to tell all the kids together, I gotta say, your son’s twentieth birthday (you know, the son who has the same hearing loss/soulmate thing going on that they do) is probably not the best move. What that means is they’ve essentially taken a day that Tai is celebrated and supposed to feel special and ruined it. I don’t know any kid that wouldn’t be utterly crushed by news of their parents divorce on their birthday. Now magnify that with both the ingrained societal and familial expectations that are on the parent’s relationship, as well as the extra meaning Tai has placed on it because he also has hearing loss. 

Now that we’ve processed that agony (hahahaha no we haven’t lol and neither has Tai), let’s talk about what happens next. Tai immediately blames his mother for their splitting up and his father leaving. When that doesn’t garner a real response (his parents do not say much here and it’s so frustrating because if they’d just explain, I think they would have saved so much heartache, but like I said, they did the best they knew how at the time). 

(Side note #3: I have a sixteen year old son and he said something to me that was super profound about a family situation we had, that we hadn’t really filled him in on. He eventually came and asked me about it. I explained the situation to him and when I mentioned that we hadn’t told him about it because we didn’t want to him to worry, he countered with the following: “I’m not stupid. I knew something was going on; you guys not telling me about it only made me worry more and blow it out of proportion in my head. I was gonna worry about it either way, the not knowing made it worse.” Pretty sure this applies to Tai and his siblings.) 

Tai’s dad moves out, like right then, and when his son is literally chasing him down the street and screaming for him, keeps walking. Tai goes home, a sobbing mess, it rains, and he hears Patts for the first time. What does he do? He says silent. This moment, that afternoon, his parents divorce, and his father leaving have damaged Tai and his entire belief system. 

As the child of a mother who’s been divorced twice (and is advocate of divorce, because I believe that it’s more harmful to stay married if you don’t want to be/aren’t in love anymore/etc), let me tell you - divorce is traumatic. Especially when you don’t fully explain why to your children (of any age - it doesn’t matter that Tai and his siblings are all in their teens or older); a lot of children feel like it’s their fault, that their parents don’t love them anymore, that they’ve been abandoned by the parent that “leaves”, to name a few issues. 

Right then and there, the moment the rain starts and Patts speaks, Tai develops his coping mechanism. There’s been a lot of focus on Tai’s conflict avoidance, but to me, it’s more than that. Tai isn’t just avoiding conflict. He’s avoiding any and everything that could potentially hurt him. I like to picture him as a turtle, pulled up into his shell where nothing can get through. His relationship with his parents is rough (though it’s better with his dad than his mom because literally up to today’s episode, it’s clear he was still blaming her for the divorce and for remarrying. I wish we’d get more on why he blames her for the divorce so much). 

Tai’s relationship with his brothers (other than Tien) is... distant (for lack of a better word). Aside from the birthday flashback, we have not seen the four of them together in a scene until today’s episode. The one scene we did get of Tai and his older brother was brief and while his brother did give Patts a shovel talk, Tai and his brother didn’t come over all that close. I believe the reasons Tien is so close to Tai is actually more about Tien and less about Tai (but that’s a separate post) and is probably also because Tai and Tien went to live with their dad while the other two brothers stayed with their mom. 

Now picture this: you are Tai, poking out of your turtle shell for the first time in two years and letting yourself fall in love with your soulmate. Of course you want to do what ever you can to avoid anything bad happening to the relationship (running off instead of confronting Patts and Nara, lying to Patts about his “date” with Lomfon, refusing to answer Patts when they argued). In Tai’s mind, he’s saving himself from potential heartache. 

When Patts confronts Tai in the rain and later at the apartment, asking if Tai loves him, etc (which he is justified in asking), it’s literally the worst thing he could do. Patts shouldn’t have to ask; he should know. In Tai’s mind, he’s explained about his parents’ divorce and how much that affected him and Patts knows how upset he was because Patts is aka “the kind one”. Tai, not understanding why Patts doesn’t just know how Tai feels about him (those pesky beliefs about soulmates are ingrained even with a broken connection) is too much. Patts pushes too hard (probably because he was drunk) and in that moment, Tai’s worst most absolute fear comes true. 

He tells Patts they should break up and Patts agrees. The moment what he’s done hits him is staggering; his expression is one of terror. To Tai, in that moment, he has become his mother. Patts is his father, walking out with the suitcase and leaving Tai behind. What’s left then for Tai to do, but pull himself back into his shell? He can’t talk to Patts, he tried to stop Patts the moment the words “lets break up” left his mouth but it was too late. In Tai’s mind, Patts has to be the one to come to him because Tai tried to stop him from leaving, but Patts left anyway. He feels like Patts is done with him, so Tai going to Patts would just be opening himself up to more heartache. His self preservation instincts won’t let him. 

TL;DR: Tai’s (in)actions are a trauma response because he is a middle child of divorced soulmate parents. 

[masonscig]

why did book 3 obliterate ms characterisation?

i promise this isn't me copping out but i haven't played book 3 since it dropped in april '23, so i couldn't give you a 100% accurate answer even if i tried

i spent multiple days analyzing issues with characterization when it dropped and then my life started falling apart – if i could remember + repeat what i remember from those conversations i would

what i will say of what i remember, is that a lot of my issues stem from being led to believe that the romance would develop a certain way and it going in a completely different direction – obviously, i know and respect an author's vision, but the dip in quality from the demo to the actual finished product made me step back and view b3 differently. instead of a fully realized story that i could see building on itself and leading to something much bigger, it was painfully obvious that this is a game with stats that had to satisfy requirements.

i only played one full route (m's of course) and after a while the scene/mood changes were so disjointed it took me out of it – lighthearted to heavy with no time to unpack or discuss, i.e. big relationship moments sandwiched between research/combat scenes and conversations with random side characters.

ultimately, just felt like a checklist of scenes being ticked off as the story progressed rather than a natural buildup with a solid plot progression like b1 and b2 imo.

i know i haven't gotten to specific instances of m's characterization being obliterated, which i said as an exaggeration, bc m is still m at timesin b3, but other times is an actual stranger in text – i don't think i can give you specific examples, but i can at the very least say that the above issues were what led to the issues of m feeling ooc.

[thethingything]

"why do I feel so weird and awful" says man who already made a post half an hour ago that included the reasons he feels weird and awful

[science-lings]

Revali desperately wants some kind of reaction from link. Everything he tries fails miserably. After a particular comment about links family, he finally got one! In the form of a punch to the beak

okay I'm combining this one with a very similar prompt: wild gets mad and punches someone in the face hard enough to break their jaw

Link was the very pinnacle of self-control. Even against pricks like Revali. He was an expert in bottling up his petty anger until he was in front of a monster and using it to slice the poor creature into purple dust. He rarely even flinched when confronted with jealous warriors who believed they deserved the sword on his back more than he did.

As if he hadn't spent his whole life with a blade in his hand and an easily verified history of undefeated victory under his belt ever since he was a child. It was that idea that kept him from getting upset when warriors with massive egos tried to taunt him into a fight. He knew his ability and it wasn't his fault that they were threatened by him.

But he wasn't as untouchable as people seemed to think. He wasn't a statue or an idol to be looked upon and prayed to for their salvation, he wasn't a figure from the legends, although, maybe he was. He didn't really feel like one. Behind his well-crafted mask of stone, he was still a person, a teenager.

No matter how perfect he tried to be, he was still just a mortal boy. And he was really dreading the week-long excursion to Rito village to attempt the divine beast's first flight. A whole week spent within earshot of Revali and his constant infuriating squawking.

Unfortunately, the Rito champion had made it his mission to get a reaction out of him, and after hours and hours of endless mocking and fluffing up his feathers, he succeeded.

The princess was off inspecting Vah Medoe for some last-minute checks and had left her personal knight and the divine beasts pilot behind, as neither of them were well-versed in ancient mechanics. Link stayed on his guard while Revali came up with more and more things he could say to bother his fellow champion.

"At this point, I can't even tell if you're simply too stupid to speak or if you have some kind of mental affliction damaging that puny head of yours. I suppose that's what too many moblin clubs to the cranium will get you..." Revali rambled while Link focused on taking even measured breaths.

"Is that why they got rid of you so fast? All those stories about your impossible feats as a toddler were all made up so your parents had a reason to get you out of their sight? I mean, are we supposed to believe that a scrawny four-year-old hylian could even pick up a sword? It's just... too asinine to even consider!" The rito laughed, within the hidden confines of his mouth, the hero clenched his teeth together.

"Well, if that's the case, I don't blame them! Perhaps they were fools for not simply leaving a runt like you to succumb to the elements! I've seen you, you won't even speak to them! I wonder if they regret not leaving you to the beasts as a babe..."

It was then that Link snapped. Before he could break his teeth or let his nails cut into the skin of his palms. After years and years of relentlessly focused control, that was the thing that tossed all his training out the window.

With a swift yank to the bird's champion blue scarf and a satisfying crunch, Link's fist made contact with the side of Revali's beak, sending the rito to the ground causing a heavy thud and a distressed squawk.

"If you wanted me to grace you with my voice so badly you could've just asked, now shut the fuck up for once in your self-obsessed life you overgrown cucco," The hero growled as the rito champion cradled his jaw in his feathery hand and looked up at him with a certain kind of indignant horror.

For the next six days and surely beyond, the mouthy bird had his beak bound by bandages, unable to open it for even the simplest mention of gloating.

The silence was just as sweet as he hoped it would be, and though it was impossible for a single punch to keep Revali's ego at bay, from then on, his insults tended to remain far away from the line he had crossed that day.

Send me prompts?

[chiropteracupola]

there is an essay to be written on rosemary sutcliff and the way she writes about art and disability in particular, I think.

[pulverulents]

j.t. | 24/10/23 transcription below: 

My mother’s love language is pointing out my flaws. The years between jammy sticky fingers and monthly phone bills were spent auditing the parts of myself that resembled her and hiding away the parts of myself that didn’t, placing pennies in a jar for every cutting word she said, scribing every brittle cadence and bitter splatter. I’m twenty-four now, counting my damage like it’s spare change and wondering what the fuck was I saving up for. I’m twenty-four now, excavating the parts of myself that I denied in response to her derision. Still her words search my body without warning and I can’t help but flinch in anticipation of old wounds bursting open, messily sewn stitches ripped out, tender wine-red bruises blooming beneath my pallid skin. Slowly, painfully, like rubbing alcohol on bloodied knees, she reaches in between my ribs to pull my trauma out and demand that I look at it, ugly and restless and writhing. 

Or did I do that? I’m twenty-four now, trying to distinguish her voice from mine and terrified that I no longer know the difference. This I know: I’ve inherited a lifetime of self-loathing. Still I wonder – am I a masochist for wondering if I'm a narcissist like you?

— twenty-four

[cerise-on-top]

hello!!

it’s me again!! How you doin?! I just wanna say how you are AMAZING!! I love your work so much and the way you can be THAT creative and come out with requests in just a few days is crazy to me. You are awesome and your work makes me smile after a long day at my job. Sorry for I sending in a lot of AleRudy requests lately btw

YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Hey there! Thank you, that's incredibly sweet of you, I'm glad that I can make you smile after a long day! I actually write all of these after work as well, so I'm usually extremely exhausted! So, sorry for any mistakes you may find ^^ I'm just glad I get to write again and make other people smile, that's really all I want! And don't worry about the AleRudy requests, I do love my boys as much as the next person! So please, if you do have any more requests, feel free to send them in :-)

[crimeronan]

The dead Hunter in Empress Luz's mindscape.. is it about her being scared he'll die or is it a Grimwalker thing?

referencing this post

it's both, i think! :D

the horror fic background for people who don't have time/inclination to read 30k words is just. like. belos has raised luz and when she's sixteen, he tells her about the grimwalkers. and he has her help him kill the half-baked one we see in for the future.

he also tells her that bc the grimwalkers are reanimated corpses a la frankenstein's monster, that they have shortened lifespans and will suffer horrible terminal illness.

luz spends a Very long time trying to source replacement pieces for hunter by scavenging from the dead boys and weighing the risks/benefits of harming peaceful creatures like the selkidomus. (she never goes this far but likely Would have if hunter started showing symptoms of illness.)

the dead hunter in her mindscape is a manifestation of both her terror and her guilt. she thinks that if hunter dies, it'll be her fault. she thinks that she's done something wrong by playing belos's games - killing the basement grimwalker, pretending not to be upset by stories of the other dead boys, etc. she doesn't think of hunter as a Damned Creature the way that belos does, but she has an ACUTE sense of his grimwalker nature being intrinsically linked to death.

after luz kills belos to save hunter's life, these feelings would - in theory - go away. she has no more reason to feel guilty or fear for hunter's safety. but the dead hunter has been with her for a while. inner luz's refusal to go near or interact with him is representative of her own struggle to process or acknowledge.... yknow. what happened to her.

it's hard for her to conceptualize that belos fucked her up with his manipulative grooming bullshit. because luz believes that hunter had it worse (he certainly was physically abused more often), AND luz kind of feels like it would be a betrayal for her to admit that.... there were some things that hunter couldn't protect her from.

[wraith-caller]

vaguing

[running-in-the-dark]

yes I've been lying in bed for three hours, listening to the same song on repeat, and yes I have written *checks* 14,000 words of the most stupid, embarrassing shit ever over the last two days, and yes I can actively feel my brain melting in my head, but I'm definitely totally fine.

[yo9urt]

ouuuuugggghhhh

[overnighttosunflowers]

Happy 10 years of AO3! If you WANTED a prompt to celebrate I think we could all benefit from some Imodna domestic fluff in these trying times (and I personally would love some of that in your voice)

hi there anon! thank you so much! I’m actually currently working on a fic for an exchange the imodna server is doing, so you’ll see a new one up online within the next few weeks. it’s not domestic fluff but I have been having fun writing it.

it is also my first time ever writing to a prompt and I’m finding that kind of fun too--so, no promises, but if I were to write you some imodna domestic fluff, what are some things you might want to see in it?