#yappa yap yap yap

[bawmbo]

hey, okay so ive been thinking about this one a lot. i want to emphasize before i post anything here this is not meant to attack op, but function as a means for me to express my opinions over it and discuss with others if wanted. and while i am not a very big account, if i find out that any of my followers harass anyone over this, this post will be taken down. please behave ty

i am the (relatively new est. few months or so) host of a transmasc did system (and should go without saying but i will add, cptsd, depression) so i think i have some unique perspective on this.

all of it will be under cut for the sake of not completely clogging up my blog because i talk a lot

i. transgender codedness and headcanons

i want to start with, "the arguments for headcanons of this kind were quite remarkabe, and in particular far-fetched; ... (1)" and the idea that, "headcanons on religion, gender, orientation, etc. should be very careful, detailed, and canonically close. (2)" and because this discussion is about gender and mental health, i will be focusing on that strictly.

(1) - "the arguments for headcanons of this kind were quite remarkabe, and in particular far-fetched; ... (1)" - while it could be confusing where it comes from, as stated before, cross is probably one of the best and clear trans coded characters i have seen made in the public utmv as it exists at the moment. and while a lot of his reactions blend into trauma, it does not negate the fact that trauma and trans identities can co exist and affect how one may react to the sort of feeling it invokes to have your identity disrespected; see: being called sans instead of cross.

though it isnt entirely just because of his reactions - his feeling of disconnection from a normalized "whole" of what hes supposed to be and what he actually is is trans coded. and while i havent read the xtale comics or watched the most recent underverse episode, we see aspects of ourselves in his behaviors; in being hypersensitive (and while not a feminine trait, there are (frankly fucked) gender 'roles' and 'rules' that made us believe it was - our father telling us "girls are just more emotional" - but i could get into gender roles and that kinda stuff and rant about it forever. still want to emphasize that anyone can feel anything but looking at this from the lens of how society views gender versus how i do lmao), in being rowdy, in being in the royal guard, in behaviors that we were described as "tom boys" with. and his blasters a girl, and everything in relation to him is queer. this is all from memory and im sure if i looked up more about him id be able to pull more, but it goes to say everyone has their reasons beyond "cross is transgender because he does not want to admit that he is one of the sanses." - and imo, thats a fair enough reason alone

(2) - "headcanons on religion, gender, orientation, etc. should be very careful, detailed, and canonically close. (2)" - i believe that certain headcanons, to a degree, should be handled with care to not further very harmful stereotypes. theres a lot of gray area to it, but i want to speak specifically about gender, where i believe there should be less strictness on it.

disregarding the fact that its confirmed, canonically, that cross is trans coded - i believe that gender orientation headcanons should not have to be restricted to the rules of "canonically close." thats what headcanons can be. not close at all. and while mischaracterizations are an entirely different semi-frustrating topic for me, but as a transmasc being and a writer, i loooove love love seeing people headcanon characters, especially my characters, as different genders. like idk, dr. blue is an incredibly cis man in my head. you see yourself in his experience? you wanna headcanon him as transneu puppygender? maybe transfem or transmasc? maybe fully a transman? perhaps to you he is aroace, and maybe hes bisexual, and maybe hes some incredibly obscure label i dont even know yet. he can be polyamorous. by all means, go ahead. it doesnt closely align with his canon but it doesnt harm anyone at all.

this section is more so my opinions if anything but i still wanted to get that out there: it is not harmful

and i dont vocally address half of the things said in the slideshow against it, but again; trauma and transness can and do co exist, and there is no harm in imposing labels onto characters that you see yourself in. this is how a lot of people empathize and connect with characters. this is, intentionally or not, how representation can be made.

ravenpaw and barley from warrior cats are not explicitly stated as gay characters, and are coded to be, and a little kid may see that and finally be understood by a character. ink and fresh are autism coded, and not explicitly stated to have autism, but that meant that in a world where no one would listen and understand our hardships, we at least felt seen and a little bit more comforted knowing that our favorite characters were just like us. the same can be said about dream, nightmare, and religious / parental trauma.

ii. PTSD, DID, and mental health

"cross' approximate diagnoses include PTSD, dissociative identity disorder, depression, or extreme aggression."

"after all, he goes crazy about his past, blames himself for everything, he has many triggers, he does not control his emotions and especially anger, he is ready to do anything to fulfill his desires. He loses himself because a whole multiverse opens up before him, everyone does not tell him something and lies. Many use him and harm him. From which he develops all the listed states."

to circle back to harmful headcanons - i want to focus solely on my experiences with being a system and ableism. i want to reiterate i am by no means a professional and this is speaking strictly personally

i feel that did is something that you should be very careful with headcanoning, as mental health and gender, while can affect presentations of each other, are very separate and treated differently.

did is often very demonized, very mocked, not taken seriously. you may see the movie split, and we had actually been asked at some point if being a system was "like (split) that movie". we were formerly in a relationship before the host change where i was kinda the equivalent of "the evil alter" and every time i fronted i was met with hostility and ableism (physically disabled as well). our other protector was also treated pretty badly and he actually puts in the effort to be a bit nicer lmao. but still. despite my efforts of being kind or sharing the energy, it was just me. and that isnt even the first person who saw me this way, and im not the first alter to be demonized for just doing my job. and to this is just me saying that i dont really know if theres been much progress in education towards the public of this disorder lol

and while, yes, cross has childhood trauma and identity problems, i dont think he really exhibits anything like it? the closest youll get to showing an "alter" is when he is, quite literally, being possessed by xchara. and while i can joke about experiencing fighting for front to being fighting for my body against possession by a ravenous 7 year old, it doesnt actually translate.

when the only applicable alter wants to murder people, i think you get into some iffy territory over whether or not you should claim it as the disorder thats kinda commonly portrayed as "my evil werewolf alter ego who wants me to kill people disorder." and sure, some alters will want to cause harm, and i think that that should be addressed, but it is very harmful if thats the only thing being shown about it. i also think that that should be addressed very carefully due to the aforementioned demonization and misrepresentation already. and they are very literally separate people

cptsd is closest. he does not want to be connected to his past, hes constantly running to find himself, hes attempting to make a new identity for himself. hes incredibly hurt and reactive to everything around him, its all bite and little room for barking. but hes consistent. the point is, hes always been cross. he always will be cross. he will never be sans, he will never be what they thought of him to be, and if he has to spell that out in a near death battle to hammer the point in then so be it. and the way he is so angry about how they disrespect his identity feels like all of the scenarios id imagine yelling to my parents about, "im a boy, im a boy. im your son. call me (not even my name). call me the name we told you we were. i am not your little girl" that will never happen.

sure, he has extreme aggression, and its on par to say that he probably has depression alongside it. but DID, not at all. thats one whole guy. he lacks any real key details about the disorder, especially alters

"he is so worried about his name and his originality because he is afraid of being lost among a thousand copies, and his name was the first thing that distinguished him in the crowd."

all sanses are called by something different (swap/blue, fell/red, ink, error, geno) it would have been no worry for anyone in the multiverse to adjust to - but his family. who refuses to accept that he wants his own autonomy. that he wants to have the freedom to be who he is. that he isnt like the thousands that came before him and the hundreds more that will come after. the fact that he is so concerned with his name and the fact that it was always a key part of his character, only to be confirmed as a trans coded thing is more than likely intentional. from a writers standpoint whose also writing a character whose transness and trauma are intertwined and incredibly important to each other.

also some extra notes,: cross isnt incredibly dissociative. he is shown to be incredibly hypervigilant of his surroundings, connected and key to everything. he doesnt really show signs of even derealization, emotional amnesia, amnesia in general tbh, etc., this all goes to say that i also think the post is very poorly worded and ptsd is also demonized. but i am just going to assume it was meant with good intentions. i could be nit picky about wording whenever. but it does read as ableist and transphobic

extra extra side note. creators can just do whatever they want with their characters. even if it wasnt intended and she realized that "hey, actually this is kinda trans coded" and decided to make it canon on a whim, then who cares. its actually super cool when creators make popular headcanons canon because it adds to their story and fits in well

anyways ill stop yapping for five hours. i am not proof reading it idk if its coherent. i just like talking

-✦

[vcmpbyt]

And what makes this scene so gobsmacking to me is that when Sammie opens the door and goes out, the house on the outside is blue and the inside is red. What we see in THIS shot specifically is these colors acting as a stand in for smoke and stack with Sammie being in the middle giving us the message of them being his protectors foreshadowing them playing out their role till the very end in which we see with events later on in the movie! Loads of easter eggs so be it in cinematic shots or dialogue even GRAMMAR !

When Remmick is about to play his eerie song he tells them “I’ll show you.” Not “we.” SINGULAR despite the two people behind him, emphasizing more on the fact that his vampirism is a hive mind and at that very moment he was controlling them. Bert and Joan were no more; that was all Remmick.

To wrap my yap session up I just really wanna mention my favorite scene which is when Annie tells Elijah she doesn’t want all that “Smoke” to get on their child, Elijah finally putting the life Smoke went through behind to move on with his family in the afterlife PEACEFULLY whilst also knowing Sammie’s safe + The baby breaths in Annie’s hair, absolutely devastating yet so beautiful.

[interstellarrisa]

Some subconscious fun

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You might've heard people saying that are our brain is amazing and capable of astounding things and well they're not wrong. Your brain is the most complex organ in the body with billions of neurons that have trillions of connections called synapses that makes it able to communicate, with this information how can we say that it's not amazing?

Our consciousness is thought to sit at the cerebral cortex and is said to have three levels to it. The conscious, subconscious and unconscious. They're all tasked with different things. I'll explain them all...

The conscious: This is the part that we have control over, our thoughts, feelings, decisions and acknowledgement are all made here. It's what you're using right now to read this post and also where the awareness of you reading this post is. Basically thoughts, feelings and awareness.

The subconscious: It's not in the current focus of our awareness hence called the subconscious mind. It's a barrier that's put up by our mind so that we don't become overwhelmed by all the information that we get when we interact with this world. For example our nose in the center of our vision, the feeling of our clothes or our tongue resting on the roof of our mouth. Because of this barrier we're allowed to focus our awareness on more important decision making and cognitive tasks without getting overwhelmed. This can be noticed when we decide (conscious) to pick up a new skill which can be hard to learn and do before we become a natural at it which then makes it an automatic (subconscious) skill.

The unconscious: It's perhaps the most mysterious form of consciousness since it's not available for introspection or analysis. We do know that it's a hoard of feelings, thoughts and memories lost from our conscious mind, it contains the painful past that we might simply want to forget about. Some people say that we never forget and that it just get's buried deep down within our mind and with the right signals we can recover the forgotten memories.

Now to the fun part. It's a small "experiment" that you can do every night just to see how amazing your subconscious mind truly is. Firstly I haven't found any article's stating that this is your subconscious minds doing, some say it might be your circadian rhythm (internal body clock) but I personally assume that it's your subconscious and if you know loa let's just go with it.

The experiment is you controlling when you wake up. You might go "really, that's it?" but when you first do it and it works it'll feel a bit 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂, anyways here's what to do.

Go to bed. Doesn't need to be nighttime you just need to go to sleep for this.

While falling asleep tell yourself that you'll wake up in xxx hours/minutes. For example you go to bed at 00:00 and want to wake up in 8 hours, naturally that would be 08:00 so just affirm "I will wake up in 8 hours." or "I will wake up at 08:00"

Drift off to sleep~

Wake up and check the time and it should be the designated time.

This is actually a technique used a lot in lucid dreaming method's and could also be used in shifting/manifesting/void method's. Since the brain is just like a sponge when you wake up it absorbs any kind of information presented it with and sometimes induces "hallucinations". I'd recommend shorting the time you sleep if you're gonna use it as a method though. It's also pretty similar if not the same to SATS.

This has worked for me on multiple occasions and if you wake up and the time doesn't match when you wanted to wake up it might be because you already woke up earlier and just went back to sleep and forgot about it later, happened with me a few times but because of signals I remembered. I even got rid of my alarm for school because of this and I still woke up in time for school.

warning: if this post does NOT resonate with you or your beliefs feel free to ignore it, you don't need to send hate or make posts on how stupid this is or that it's wrong. some might misunderstand this post (like the last one) and make misguided comments, please think a little before you open your mouth :). yapping session is cause i'm really interested in this topic lol.

[jelliclelikeyouu]

no one suffers harder from eldest daughter syndrome than munkustrap. in this essay i will

[kino-der-joon]

💫 I have sent out some asks!! If you didn’t get one, it just means that I sent out so many and didn’t want to accidentally send you two!! ✨

[transvirtualangel]

these kinda reblogs make me ajajdnndbdndbdbbshshshshd + giggle + kick my feet so hard ily

[darkside-0f-the-sun]

things i don’t get

[ohmymymydei]

*sage voice* have you ever heard the tale of rappa's twin sister, yappa? it's not a tale that hoyo would tell you...

[whimsyfullyloaded]

Attention whore without the whoring

[vcmpbyt]

“Drop the guitar Sammie,”

“In the name of God.”

I just know POC creatives who have a strained relationship with god shriveled up in that cinema seat. The amount of times I’ve been told to stop playing my instruments and people constantly insisting on me to ignore that viciously burning part of my soul just for a fleeting feeling of so called salvation. I get you Sammie, i get you so bad. That post credit scene was genuinely the cherry on top of this whole movie.

[sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan]

yap sesh/recommendation request

ive been thinking (crazy i know)

mostly abt everything that's been happening on here, w/ the country i live in (U.S.), my mental/personal issues & health, and the triplets (always thinking abt them 😅😭).

ive already made a post and reposted others' regarding the problems and drama happening here, yet i cannot seem to get it off my mind. what went down was utterly disgusting to see and experience in real-time and first hand. it was/is terrible for the victims. i am proud of each and everyone/anyone who has spoken up and out abt it. this is definitely intense and a lot to process/handle. im here for anyone & everyone who may need anything.

the topic of the things happening in the U.S.A. i personally am not that into politics. i am honestly just concerned for the people. the majority of all the happenings are being – in my opinion – stretched and pushed out to the opposites' feed. (whether that be social media(s), news station(s), or anywhere you consume information/sources) it is all – again – a lot. that's all i'll say on this. i don't think political & governmental dellemias, or anything of that nature, should be discussed by me any more than a simple statement. (i do not wish to offend anyone or disrespect their own beliefs', opinions', etc.)

as for my mental/personal issues and health, i will simply say that it is not going well. it hasn't been for a long time. i will admit that i've pushed ppl away that only wanted to be there for me. this has caused strains on my relationships' with people. i am currently working on bettering this. the first step is always the hardest. admitting to yourself and others that there is even a problem in the first place.(← all i'll elaborate on publicly w/ that)

onto the real & good stuff…👀 the triplets! they had nate in their vlog today :) since that, i am looking for some recommendations on nate fics, texts, bots, etc. it can be any genre: fluff, angst, smut, etc.

(↑ i put fluff first because of everything happening and going on. i fear im a smut slut and usually put smut first 😅😭) we're all low-key nate girls. he's so cutesy. definitely the the guy to pick when you can't choose a triplet. he's their quadruplet 😝

still on today's vlog… i personally think that they are much more themselves when in boston or hanging out with og's. examples: matt being an absolute menace in the grocery store. chris hugging up on his mom. nick seemingly more relaxed (not having to be mother anymore). nate js being the goofball that he is. all four of them just being overall giggly and giddy. themselves.

thank yew for cumming to my tit-talk 🙂‍↕️

[todaysrat]

Felt inspired

Waring for using vomit as a metaphor lol

[coffeebellexc]

//me blabbering, and slight deltarune spoilers

i think the biggest thing that makes me so sad about kris’s story is that we know kris had a whole life before the game. one day they just woke up and someone else was in control of them and they just have to watch while we make all the decisions for them. all the bonding and friendships that we make kris doesn’t get to experience, kris just gets to watch but not experience any of the good.

kris didn’t become friends with anyone. kris didn’t fight alongside anyone. it was us. kris is the audience of its own life and is missing out on everything good of it.

[melancholias-magic]

Y’all I just did my first day of school….. </3

Or I’m starting it today, super soon. I just woke up a few hours ago and it’s hella early in the morning. I’m getting ready, and y’all the fit is FITTINGGG 😍🗣️

It’s senior year, after this I’ll be an adult sighs. and I also went shopping last minute, and got the cutest shirt likeeeee www!!!

I think I don’t wanna wear makeup today.

but then again, first impressions are important. (I know like almost all my school, yes I’m popular— but beauty + brains — and academic validation over male/female validation for realllll 🗣️‼️‼️‼️

I have like 1000-2000 people in my school ahah… ^_^”

it’s a pretty big school, at least for where I live lolol.

Anyways!!! Good morning 💬☀️

[yesioarts]

10 likes on a post is already so awesome to me, but 300+?? That's 300 different people supporting me 🤯 Thank you sm everyone for loving gay people expect more LGBT Sonic posts

[chococookiez]

my singular issue with the jaws of life as an album is that i think so far so fake should have been the last track and 12 fractures should have been either somewhere in the middle with resilience and shared trauma or released separately as a single, not that i dislike 12 fractures i just don't think its positioning flows well with the rest of the tracks really (so far so fake even has a fadeout i feel like it just would have made more sense to end with that LMAO) other than that i fucking love the jaws of life i think it's a really interesting evolution of ptv's music while still keeping a lot of elements of their first few albums ESPECIALLY with the opening run of tracks, death of an executioner is flawless as an opener and you cannot tell me otherwise