#yeah i still think about how that plot point's handling in phase 2 was fucking dumb

[lord-squiggletits]

IDW1 must take place on an alternate Earth where no one has ever heard of ACAB and everyone wears "thin blue line" merchandise because there's literally no other way that a single Autobot killing a USAmerican cop in self defense would be such worldwide news that even Mexican journalists would go "OMG???? You like, killed a cop?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?" and it wasn't even framed as like, "you killed a human," the phrasing every time any character talked about it was very specifically "he killed a cop".

The cop was also threatening to shoot a group of surrendering/not-attacking/injured Autobots btw which is just the icing on the cake honestly lmao

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #30 - The Cybertronian Judicial System is a Friggin’ Joke

Have I mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of court case stories? I think they’re pretty boring, on average, so the last couple of issues have been slightly dragging for me.

Anyway, back to Megatron’s trial. 

Our issue opens up with a full back shot of Ultra Magnus.

Artists take note, he really is built like a capital T.

As Magnus reads out Megatron’s statement retracting his “guilty” plea, we get some decent points as to why. See, telling a guy that you’ll stab him in the brain, so his trial can be over as quickly as possible, maybe isn’t such a hot idea. Megatron wasn’t a huge fan of that, or of how those memories they would’ve yanked outta him would have been used to fuel the Autobot propaganda machine. Why, you may ask?

Well, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Megatron… doesn’t particularly care for the Autobots, nor the rhetoric they uphold.

I know, I was surprised too!

There’s also the fact that Optimus Prime is the judge on this whole thing. You know. Optimus Prime. Off and on leader of the Autobots, whenever it suits him. The guy who fucked off into space for a year after the war. The guy who threw a hissy fit when someone pointed out that he was compromised the last time they did something like this with Megatron. This guy:

Yeah, there might be a slight conflict of interests here. Remind me again why this had to be a military trial?

Anyway, enough of that, it’s time for a fight scene.

A swarm of Decepticons storm the arena, going after Megatron so they can help him escape. Magnus, though acting as Megatron’s defense, cannot abide by this disorder in the court.

Wild to think there’s a tiny little Pringles man with anxiety in there, isn’t it?

Optimus joins the fray, because there really are, just, so many guys to deal with here. A dude goes to collect Megatron, stating that they brought teleport packs for this little shindig. Megatron isn’t super jazzed about that though, not bothering to grab on before the dude gets shot to death. There’s a brief recess, I guess so the janitorial staff can deal with the mess of corpses littering the courtroom.

Meanwhile, in the present day, Rung’s building a model spaceship in Swerve’s, which is a very brave thing to be doing, seeing how sticky and gross bars can be. Brainstorm’s brought a flask to the bar, and proceeds to pour the contents into a funnel sticking out of his arm.

Our bartender for the evening- I’m assuming it’s evening, but I doubt the concept of time has any real weight in space- is Bluestreak. Bluestreak was stationed on Earth for a while, which is some Phase One stuff, and took a liking to human media while he was there. He’s the guy who handles movie night these days, seeing as Rewind’s too busy being dead to do it, and I doubt Chromedome has the emotional bandwidth to take over for his late spouse.

Bluestreak’s favorite movie is Zulu, a film glorifying the colonialism of the English over the native populace of an African kingdom. Make of that what you will.

Whirl wants to watch À Bout de Soufflé, or Breathless, as it was translated for the English-speaking world, which is a French New Wave film about a criminal who shoots a cop, hides from the police in a journalist’s home, who he seduces and likely impregnates. She eventually finds out what he did, reports him to the police, but then has a change of heart and lets him know what she’s done. He runs, but is shot, and dies in the street. The film is notable for its final scene, in which the following dialogue happens, between the dying criminal Michael, his lover Patricia, and an officer.

Of course, any poignancy would almost certainly be lost on the average comic book reader, and is also somewhat nullified by Whirl praising the film with internet lingo.

Then again, I suppose Whirl would be the type to dismantle any deeper reading of his interest in such a film, lest he be subjected to the horrifying ordeal of being known.

Over with Skids and Riptide, it’s revealed that Megatron’s been teaching classes on the Lost Light, specifically on the Knights of Cybertron. Riptide’s getting an education, because he’s been feeling pretty lost since the war ended- we’ll get to the potential whys of that later on. Swerve isn’t a fan of this community college thing that’s going on, stating that Megatron’s using it as a distraction, so he can devise plots most foul.

Back in the past, Autobot high command is having a talk about what Megatron’s demanding, and man is it a doozy— turns out, since the trial’s happening on Luna 2, the trial proceedings are subject to the laws of the moon. One of these moon laws is the right to request being judged by the Knights of Cybertron. Now, this is a problem, seeing as the Knights of Cybertron have been AWOL for the last several million years, but the law is the law, and you can’t just go ignoring it when someone’s pointed it out.

Bro, your SIC just suggested y’all pull the trial so you could slap it on Cybertron, thus negating any need to pay attention to the Knight law. That’s such a gross miscarrying of justice, it’s genuinely baffling. You’ve got bigger issues going on than flouting. My god, Optimus, you were a cop—

Oh wait, that’s right. Carry on, then.

Back on the Lost Light, First Aid’s checking to make sure that the coffin Rodimus they revealed last issue is true and proper dead. Now, this may seem like a given, but you’ve got to remember that Brainstorm was mostly dead for over a year and a half, and nobody fucking noticed, so it’s probably for the best that they’re checking.

First Aid’s been pretty withdrawn since Ambulon died, so this autopsy is really good for him, since it got him out of his room. Pretty fucked up that it would take a dead body to get him out and about. Has Rung checked in on his poor son of a gun, or has he been spending the last six months getting his professional rocks off psychoanalyzing a genocidal warlord?

Our coffin Rodimus died from having parts of his brain removed, and potentially died screaming.

Yes, that is a Furmanism, thank you peanut gallery, moving on—

Ratchet hands the phone over to Ultra Magnus, saying that a call has to be made, and it can’t be by him, because the callee is mighty upset with Ratchet at the moment.

Oh, I guess he’s fine after all. This must be where the sci-fi bullshit really starts kicking in for the series.

Because seeing your own dead body is likely very traumatic and awful, Rodimus is taking a while to string together his thoughts on the matter. Megatron doesn’t particularly care, because he’s not terribly sympathetic to this sort of thing, and the two get into a spat, where it’s revealed that they’re co-captaining the Lost Light.

Because things weren’t chaotic enough on this fucking ship. Need to mix in some peacocking between the McDonalds twunk and the man who killed half of Beijing.

Back in the past, Optimus Prime visited Megatron in prison to have a little chat. It’s not about that little rescue attempt, though the fact that those Decepticons may have been released from the Lost Light’s brig is certainly interesting. No, Optimus is here to sit way too close to his mortal nemesis on the floor of his room and talk about how Megatron is a sneaky bastard.

You remember the Hellraiser puzzle box from a couple issues back? Yeah, that was a communicube, one that was passed to Optimus to suggest that the trial be held on the moon, so the arena there would be able to hold all the people wronged by Megatron. This seems pretty damn convenient in hindsight, but Megatron swears that the legal loophole wasn’t his only intent when he sent the cube.

Because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Megatron? It’s all about how you’re perceived by future generations. Fuck the guys who had to actually deal with what your personal choices caused to happen.

Megatron wants to make amends with all those who were wronged by him. This doesn’t include being acquitted of his crimes, which, y’know, good- at least he’s being slightly realistic about how this is going to turn out for him.

What he wants to do is find Cyberutopia, so the Cybertronians have a replacement planet, since Cybertron kind of sucks now.

Oh, sorry, did I say realistic? I take it back.

In the present, Rodimus is still bummed out about being dead. Still, the day doesn’t stop just because it’s a bad one, and he calls in the experts.

CHROMEDOME YOU PROMISED TO STOP THIS SHIT

Yeah, no, Chromedome’s fallen off the wagon again, and does his thing on the coffin Rodimus. As he does, Megatron suddenly gets squeamish, Brainstorm pulls out his early early-warning device to lean on the fourth wall, and it’s revealed that the coffin that coffin Rodimus was in was built in the fashion of the Spectralist faith.

All Chromedome can suss out of coffin Rodimus’ memories is the really big important stuff, which includes the speech at Rivet’s Field inviting folks to come join the Knight Quest. Aww, that’s sweet.

With the analysis of the innermost energon complete, the results are in— the coffin Rodimus is a Rodimus. A real one, from the near future. Bummer.

I suppose denial is one of the seven stages of grief, isn’t it?

As everyone argues over whether or not Rodimus is going to die, Nightbeat brings up a good point— there aren’t any numbers carved into the coffin Rodimus’ hand. Rodimus is about to reveal some Ratchet-original wisdom, when things start getting really weird; whole sections of the Lost Light are disappearing.

Over at Swerve’s, Tailgate is regaling his peers with the story of his derring-do against Chief Justice Tyrest. Everyone is very impressed, and this includes our good buddy Getaway.

Jeez, think you’ve got enough antagonist shadows on this guy? It’s almost as if the art’s trying to tell us something about him.

Getaway lays it on real thick, saying that Tailgate could totally be the next Prime, with how courageous and awesome he is, all while completely ignoring Tailgate’s personal space and having a weirdly tiny hand. This seems to seriously bother Cyclonus, who is watching this shit go down from the doorway. Our purple space jet leaves once the drinks start being poured and conversation starts happening. God knows he hates talking about his insecurities.

Then the Pipes is Friggin’ Dead alarm goes off. But Pipes has been dead for a while now, so that must mean something else awful is happening.

Back during the trial, I guess because Optimus has a soft spot for Megatron, he allows him to join the Lost Light’s Knight Quest… even as he says that he could keep the guy locked up until Rodimus and pals find the Knights. However, there are rules to this, and one of the rules is that Megatron must publicly denounce the Decepticon cause.

It is a slow and painful experience for everyone involved, as he reads the statement he was given. It’s an immediate call to action- or rather, inaction.

Geez, think they could’ve made it any more obvious that this was being ghostwritten? I can’t wait to see how long it takes for “Megatron was blackmailed into saying this by the Autobots” to be a plotpoint.

Outside the prison, Ratchet and Rodimus are taking in the brand new Rod Pod, which is genuinely ridiculous in how large it is. Rodimus admits to having taken Atomizer’s list, though he knows that trying to use it to keep those who voted him off would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Also, no one’s told him about Megatron coming along on the trip. As captain.

Or you could, I dunno, lock him up from the start. Or, if you want to give him a chance to prove himself, slap him into a bottom-rung role, like bilge cleaner, or sewage mucker, or whatever the equivalent would be on a spaceship full of giant gay robots. We don’t have to give the guy any power to hold him to scrutiny— any minimum wage worker will tell you that scrutiny comes far harsher for those who actually carry out orders than those who give them.

But what do I know? I’ve never fought in a several million year war, and I don’t plan to.

Getting back to the list, it seems as if Ratchet and Rodimus are on the same wavelength, in that both agree it’s only going to cause trouble and hurt feelings to keep the thing around. Rodimus destroys it with his usual flare, only to be blindsided by the fact that it was fake this entire time. How does Ratchet know this?

Because his name wasn’t on it.

...Man, that’s gotta sting. No wonder Rodimus was upset enough to not take his calls.

In the present, everyone’s in a panic, as they all bolt for the shuttle bay and start pouring into shuttles. The Lost Light is disintegrating around them, which is sort of a problem. Despite this nightmare scenario happening, Rodimus and Megatron still find the time to be assholes to each other. That’s dedication right there.

As the two bicker, multiple shuttles zip away from the rapidly disappearing ship, including the Rod Pod.

Man, now it really is the Lost Light.

[surveys4ever]

25.

Section 1 – Who were you?

Think back as far as you can. What is the first memory you have? I think meeting my (now) dad for the first time when he and my mom were dating. I was very upset because he was short and that’s not what dads were supposed to look like in my 3 year old eyes since my bio dad was super tall.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Playing Barbies, watching Barney, Happy Meals, being with my grandma.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend? Probably preschool.

Are you still friends with this person today? Facebook friends, yeah. Real friends, no.

Was there a story somebody read or told you that has stuck with you? No one ever read to me after I learned to read for myself so one day I was sick and I came home and curled up with my mom on the couch and asked her to read me a Little Mermaid book I had and she did, even though I had to get up to go shit myself halfway through and it meant a lot to me at the time.

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from? Hannah Montana for some reason. It was my favorite show and we didn’t get the Disney channel so whenever we went to a hotel, nobody could tell me fuckin NOTHING because we were watching Hannah Montana whether they liked it or not.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I was the only child for 8 years and then the oldest after that so I never lost at anything and now when I do, I feel like I'm the biggest piece of shit loser there’s ever been. So that’s fun.

Did you go through the "naked phase"? I learned that you didn’t have to sleep in pajamas and you could just sleep naked so I did it for a while but then realized that I much preferred pajamas.

Which television shows do you watch the most as a child? I loved TV so basically all of the 90′s/early 2000′s shows there were.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself? Either with neighborhood/school kids or by myself. I didn’t ever really have siblings who weren’t my kids, if that makes sense.

Is there something you really miss from your childhood today? I miss back when everything was simple.

Section 2 – Likes and interests  

Would you ever like to try competitive pinball playing? Ummm, no.

Do you knit, crochet or cross stitch? I’m trying to teach myself to crochet.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? No thx.

What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? I really liked Among Us for a while there but I don’t really enjoy how rude everyone is on online games.

Do you like to go cycling? If so, where? Uh no.

Have you ever tried woodturning? If not, would you like to? Never tried it, don’t really have any desire to, but it can be relaxing to watch!

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw? I do! I usually draw graphics for YouTube videos or doodle over Instagram photos, draw things to put on shirts with my Cricut, etc. I use my iPad for so many things.

Have you ever attended a painting class? If so, what did you create? I haven’t but I would like to!

How about a creative writing course? If so, did you get any feedback? I took Creative Writing literally every year it was offered in high school and I always got awards for having the top marks in the class.

What is your favourite form of exercise? No thank you.

Section 3 – People  

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? My husband.

Do people generally approach you easily? I think so!

Do you get along with people well? If not, what's the problem? Yeah! I’m pretty friendly and easy going.

Do you enjoy being in crowds or do you prefer your own company? I would much prefer my own company than crowds.

Which one of your friends have you known the longest? I still talk to the girl I was best friends with in the 6th grade on occasion so like 17-18 years?

Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? As an adult who works from home, making friends is hard as fuck. 

What is something about people that annoys you? Something I've noticed in recent years is just how entitled and greedy everyone is. Everybody wants something from you or for your skills to benefit them without them putting in any work or paying you for your time. It’s just gross.

What is something about people that you really like? We have really, really harsh winters and if you ever find yourself in the ditch for whatever reason, there will be a lineup of cars stopped behind you to help you push it out or let you chill in their car while you wait for a tow truck. On the really bad blizzard days, there are groups of men in big trucks that literally L I V E to go around and help pull people’s cars out of the ditch. It’s the only time I feel like there’s actually a sense of community around here.

If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I honestly would never have a roommate because they could either be your friend or a stranger and living with friends is a good way to ruin a friendship if your living styles aren’t similar and living with a stranger just sounds like a nightmare.

How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? I am married but my criteria was honestly that I just wanted him to be kind and funny and I got that tenfold with my husband.

In general, what's your attitude towards people? I can’t stand to be around grumpy people. If all you do is gripe and complain about literally everything, I’m out. No thank you. Why is your hobby being angry? Take up knitting or something for christ’s sake.

Section 4 – Habits

What is something you do every day without fail? Baby talk the dog and snuggle with Beebs.

What is your typical breakfast? I’m a leftovers for breakfast kinda gal but lately I’ve been having a bagel and watermelon.

Which article of clothing do you like to wear the most? I loooove me a good baggy T-shirt and booty shorts.

Is there a TV show you watch habitually? We’re currently watching Unhhhh while we eat dinner every night, haha!

Where do you usually spend most of your day? I really only sit in 4 places--bed, the couch, my makeup/work desk, or my sewing desk. Depends on the day which one I’m at.

Is there a product that you do not want to run out of? Moisturizer. I’m a dry son of a bitch.

What is your preferred mode of transport? Car!

Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Nah. I’m in silence a lot of the time.

Where do you usually get your groceries? Walmart for the bulk of it, a local grocery store for the specialty items, and Target if we ever run out of something midweek because I cannot handle Walmart more than once a week.

How often do you go to your local park? Like once or twice a month in the summer!

Which of your hobbies do you indulge in most often? Sewing and Sims currently!

Section 5 – Favourites and dislikes

What is your favourite fruit? Watermelon!

How about your favourite berry? Strawberries are the only berry I like.

Which food do you highly dislike? Fish. It’s all disgusting.

What is your favourite song, and why? I hate this question. Who can pick one definitive favorite song out of the bajillions of songs that have been written??

What is a movie you cannot stand? Anything with Seth Rogen in it, any movie that's got a 3+ after it (looking @ you, Fast & Furious), and all the fuckin’ superhero movies that have the same ‘ah yes, this undefeatable bad guy that we have absolutely no chance against and will undoubtedly kill us all--but we’re going to pull through at the last second with the power of friendship!’ plot line.

Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? I don’t know how to describe it--certain people just have that spark and you can always tell right away if they’ve got it or not and those are my favorite kind of people.

Which trait puts you instantly off? If they’re religious it’s an instant no from me, dog.

Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? I really, really dislike Tom Holland. I honestly think he’s a terrible actor.

What colour are your favourite shoes? White!

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end? B.O., on me or others. I just can’t deal with it.

Which door handle/door knob do you like the most in your home? They’re all the same.

Section 6 – Culture

What is something very typical to the culture of your home country? Apple pie and baseball are the only things coming to mind atm.

Do you enjoy art? If so, which form of art is the most enjoyable? I do! But I prefer art that you can look at and know the artist is incredibly gifted and/or has put in a ton of time and effort to master their skills. None of that million dollar paint smear on a canvas shit.

What is something about another country's culture you don't understand? I feel like other cultures take their family and their family’s approval way too seriously. That might be rich coming from someone who doesn’t have a very good relationship with their family but I just don’t understand what the point of making yourself miserable to make your family happy is.

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last? Last thing I saw in a theater was Shangela perform a drag show, haha!

How about the opera or the ballet? Nope.

Which dance troupe do you enjoy, if any? ...they still do that?

Do you attend concerts or gigs? If so, which band did you see last? Not as much as I’d like to as no one good really comes here very often. Last band we saw was X Ambassadors and Paramore!

Are you interested in foreign food? I’m not uninterested but I’m not super interested either.

If so, which country's cuisine do you enjoy the most? Chinese...albiet probably a very Americanized version of Chinese.

Do you enjoy stand-up comedy? If so, who is your favourite comic? I doooo! Bo Burnham and Drew Lynch are my favorites.

Do you contribute to culture in some way? If so, how? I try to? I’m an influencer so I definitely have a platform of a couple hundred thousand people. Not sure what exactly I contribute tho.

Section 7 – Charity

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what? Newp.

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? No. I don’t trust a lot of charities, to be quite honest. A lot of them are very shady and I’d rather donate money directly to someone who needed it rather than it getting tied up in a charity where it might never actually see the people they claim to be helping.

If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? We adopted our dog from one of my husband’s coworkers but she probably would have gone to the shelter if we didn’t take her.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations? Yes! We almost always have a bag of donations in our trunk that we always forget to take to the thrift store when we go.

If someone you know is in need, is it in your nature to offer help? If I can, yes!

Have you ever donated Christmas presents to children of poor families? We used to do that when I was a kid.

Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? One Christmas when I was really young I remember my parents signed up for a sponsorship through the Salvation Army where a family adopted us and bought us Christmas presents and Christmas dinner or whatever.

How do you feel about donating to charities endorsed by celebrities? I would never donate to a charity simply because it was sponsored by a celebrity but I guess its the easiest way for a charity to get the word out that they need donations.

Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will not trust? PETA, Salvation Army, Goodwill, and that breast cancer one with the horrible CEO.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. I extra wouldn’t if someone came knocking on my door asking for money.

In general, what is your opinion on charity? I already did my rant about them, haha.

Section 8 – Entertainment

Which was the very first video game you remember playing? Ocarina of Time I believe!

Which was the very first film you remember watching? That I don’t remember. Maybe that Barney movie with the magic egg?

What is your go-to form of entertainment? TikTok usually.

Do you have a large collection of DVDs/Blu-Rays? Nah. We have a drawer but we usually stream everything.

How about music albums? Beebs collects vinyls!

Do you prefer to have your music on vinyls, tapes, CDs or digital? I prefer digital and Beebs likes vinyl.

When and where do you like to entertain yourself usually? Either the bed or the couch.

Do you ever binge watch shows? If so, what are you binging now? Usually! I’m sadly in between shows rn.

What kinds of books do you like to read, if any? I honestly don’t read anymore.

Is there a book series you're currently collecting? ..

Is entertainment something you prefer to enjoy alone or with someone else? I have my shows and then we have shows we watch together. So there’s a time and place for both!

Section 9 – Internet 

Do you always have access to the Internet, wherever you go? If not, why? Yup!

Which website do you frequent the most? Website website? Google. App website? Instagram or TikTok.

Which search engine do you prefer and trust the most? Googs.

What do you use the Internet the most for? Social media or entertainment.

Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Random people? None of my business. But if we’re spending time together and I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you're not paying attention to me because your nose is glued to your phone, I’m gonna be pissed.

If your connection goes down, what do you do? Go do something that’s not on the internet?

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? I still wish you could smell things through the internet.

Do you remember the first time you used the Internet? When was it? Yes! I believe the 2nd/3rd grade?

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? I loved the Disney website with all the games.

Do/Did you ever have your own website? That was the thiiiing back in the day.

Isn't it great how much knowledge and info we have at our fingertips? It’s great but also overwhelming.

Section 10 – And finally...

What is something you consider to be highly controversial? Politics, apparently.

What kinds of jokes do you like the best? I love a good pun.

Is there a person who makes you laugh effortlessly? Oh definitely.

Which part of your body do you like the least? My eyes.

What's something random, out of context you remember from your past? I don’t do well with really vague questions.

Do you wear shoes indoors? No, I’m not a heathen.

What's the silliest thing you've worn on your body in public? I don’t think I usually wear silly things.

What's the most important thing in your life right now? Just spending time with my fam. Trying to get over this anxiety.

What is the most distant point on the planet that you've been from home? Florida.

Do you enjoy trivia games? If so, which one's your favourite? We love some Trivial Pursuit in this house!

Are you more logical or emotional? My emotions take over and then my logic brings it back in. Equal parts, baby.

[belovedalittlemore]

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011) DIR. JOE JOHNSTON

june 13, 2020

topics i’m covering

movie itself

steve’s main relationships

steve + peggy (also w/ endgame!)

steve + bucky

agent carter + why she deserves more

marvel as an entity for entertainment, not the advancement of the industry

black panther at the oscars, and why it didn’t deserve to be there

the movie:

ok it’s not that bad, i definitely expected it to be worse. i didn’t really like the yellow ass color grading, like i felt like i needed to tell the movie “you can communicate 1930s without needing to make yourselves yellow”. i think my biggest two issues were the plot and natalie dormer’s character. starting with the plot, this movie was so jampacked with so many challenges i felt like i was watching 3 episodes of a tv show crammed into one. we started with the formation of steve rogers, then the rescue mission, then getting dr. zola (who played the villain in a sherlock episode and freaked me the FUCK out and now i can never look at him the same way), then killing schmidt (which didn’t even work because he ended up in iw + endgame??), then steve dying but then him not dying and waking up? there was just SO MUCH in so little time. second, what the FUCK was natalie’s character for. i love her but she was SO unnecessary. she simply served to add tension to steve and peggy’s relationship, which really only put them back like five minutes. that was never even cleared up, peggy just shot his shield and they kissed like 30 minutes later and everything was dandy.

steve and peggy:

god they’re so FUCKING CUTE and all they really care about is their country and finding the right person and i just watched the ending to endgame (a year later) and guess what? i STILL cannot handle it. thinking about how steve lived a whole life in the present but then also the 1930s but also not BAFFLES me and i don’t think about it but god that ending BROKE ME. i couldn’t listen to that song for a month without CRYING. in short, i probably will never watch endgame again.

also when i first watched it, i was BROKEN because that was a whole phase of my life; that was a DECADE of everyone’s life and it was over and it really hit me at the CREDITS. i was sobbing at the credits and thinking about how we’re never going to see steve or tony again.

anyway, back to peggy. honestly, one of the cutest, most solid relationships in the mcu. i just know that they never fight over anything and their favorite thing to do is dance and i imagine that steve makes her blush but not as much as she makes him blush and i just KNOW that steve would’ve been a huge part of the civil rights movement.

steve and bucky:

ok i’ve always heard about steve and bucky’s ~relationship~ and how they should’ve been gay but after finally watching the captain america trilogy, my only thought is REALLY???

like yeah, they’re great friends and all, and both of them are devastatingly attractive, and they love each other, but not romantically

honestly i feel like this ship really came about because in the other two movies, steve’s accepted that he’s never going to be with peggy, so the closest thing he can have from his old life is bucky and steve sees in bucky everything he ever wanted. and so, of course the audience loses sight of peggy as well and is like “stucky uwu”. but NO. peggy’s the greatest woman who ever lived and the better half of steve rogers and she DEF would’ve been able to lift mjolnir.

hot take: girls only wanted stucky to happen because they’ve never seen a real, wholesome, supportive male friendship in their lives because boys are too stuck inside their toxic masculinity bubbles to demonstrate true love for each other and so girls see stucky and think that they’re in love but really they’re just a great example of male friendship that no one sees anymore

agent peggy carter + why she deserves the world:

she’s so incredibly headstrong and marvelous and is so accountable for herself and calm and cool and collected and lovely in all of the best ways. i know she got a tv series (that lasted 2 seasons), but i feel like she should’ve gotten her own movie. she’s a great push for feminism, we would’ve gotten more steve content (maybe?), and who doesn’t love the 30s.

i just feel like the black widow movie doesn’t matter since she’s DEAD. like i don’t need to go back in time to see her origin story.

movie studios should’ve made pushes for female movies when obviously APPROPRIATE.

peggy carter? should’ve gotten her own movie after this one

black widow? needed the solo movie right before or after the first avengers; would’ve been great!

but now? it’s just unnecessary

marvel:

ever since we did our ranking, i’ve been thinking about marvel as a business and its role in the entertainment industry. the last time i watched thor: ragnarok, i remember thinking that it was a great movie, which it is(!), but it wasn’t the best. and after our ranking, i realized, it really is the best.

i guess i’m disappointed that marvel is really an entity for the blockbuster industry, and not at all for the advancement of the movie industry. i wish directors would be more creative and imaginative; take taika waititi, who took the least-liked set of movies and made it AMAZING. i feel like marvel needs to stop JUST using the russo brothers or that feige guy, whatever his name is, and try reaching out to new directors to incite creativity.

i was looking at a letterboxd list which had every mcu movie with the new releases and there’s going to be about FORTY (total) of them in the next four years, series and/or movie. at some point, we will get bored of the same formula OVER and OVER again.

look at james bond: no one really took them seriously until daniel craig, who (and of course, the abundant group of masterful moviemakers behind him) practically breathed new life and made them something to look forward to. the bond movies used to be a blockbuster, money-making venture, and now it’s taken seriously. i hope marvel does this soon, because in a couple years, their fanbase will become the diehard marvel comic-reading fans and the people who are too sucked in to let go.

black panther, and why it just doesn’t work:

don’t get me wrong, LOVED black panther. such a bold, great movie to finally(!!!) introduce black people into the mcu and done so well. HOWEVER, the movie itself fell a little flat. the whole villain plot? so eh. i thought klaue was way more interesting than killmonger, and they really just brushed him aside within five minutes.

it’s kind of like cmbyn in the fact that their visuals and sheer presence outshine EVERYTHING ELSE, especially in the first watch.

also, it got NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE. i totally understand the other awards it won (best soundtrack, costume design i think, and one other one) and that’s so amazing that marvel finally broke out of its blockbuster mold into the INDUSTRY

however, it got nominated for BEST PICTURE which is so WHAT THE FUCK (ok i’ll let the nom slide though, the 2019 picks were lowkey hella bad and this was the year that GREEN BOOK won)

if ANY marvel movie should’ve ever been nominated and/or won, i think it’s thor: ragnarok or iw; black panther just seemed like such a “look! we’re diverse, can’t you see?” type of move and i was NOT a fan

[rxin3srandomthoughts]

Ok here’s something interesting I thought I’d do since apparently I’m having a weird Ice Age phase. I’m gonna take all 5 films and I’ll tell you what is the best and worst thing about each film. So yeah, LETS GET IT!

Ice Age:

Best aspect - All the emotional moments and Manny’s whole backstory in general. This is one of the ONLY Ice Age films that have silent/emotional moments. They’re handled extremely well and I wish more were incorporated in the later films. Also, Manny’s backstory and his relationship with the baby is what makes him my favorite character.

Worst Aspect - The animation. I know it’s harsh to say because the first film came out in 2002, almost 20 years ago. But there isn’t anything else I would say that would be that negative toward the film.

Overal: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2

Ice Age: The Meltdown:

Best Aspect - Manny developing a relationship with Ellie. When Manny finds out his species is going to become extinct, he loses hope in finding a mate because his previous one was killed by hunters. That is until he meets Ellie. He is at first not onboard with having her tag along, but they soon grow a bond. I could go on for HOURS why I love this plot line. Ellie is also a nice edition to the cast. She’s Manny’s polar opposite which fits really well. Also, there is a moment in the film that’s one of my favorite scenes. When Ellie and Manny come across the place she meets her “brothers” Crash and Eddie. She is a young mammoth around this time, she loses her family in a snow storm so she hides underneath a tree. She comes across and opossum mother who adopts her into the family. It’s all spoken without any dialogue. It’s on the same level as Manny’s backstory in the first film tbh. But yes, this is practically the reason why I think this film is the best of the franchise.

Worst Aspect - Crash and Eddie. Ok I know they’re supposed to be comic reliefs, but I don’t know I’m not too big of a fan of them. Though, they aren’t as bad in this movie as they are in the 4th and 5th movie. Like they actually still care about Ellie and want what’s best for her and aren’t just being annoying little shits *cough* Collision Course *cough*

Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Best Aspect - The dinosaur’s world. It’s very interesting to see Dinosaurs here. I really liked the concept and it was probably the craziest thing the franchise has done that is ACTUALLY believeable *cough* Continental Drift *cough* Buck was also pretty interesting. Even though he gets worse in the 5th film, in this movie he’s pretty alright.

Worst Aspect - So this might be something that doesn’t relate to the film but I wish this movie mentioned Manny’s previous child. The films could’ve made it like how Marlin was after Coral’s death in Finding anemones. Where he becomes over protective of the child because he lost his previous child. They almost work that into this movie and the next one after but they never bring up Manny’s backstory so it gives no reason as to why he’s being overprotective about the new baby. It’s honestly a nitpick and maybe that was what the writers were intending but yeah this is still a pretty good film

Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ice Age: Continental Drift

Best Aspect - Peaches and Louis’ subplot. Yes, they are the clingy teen stereotype that MIGHT already be dated, BUT they are what saved this movie. Like I was really was invested in their relationship. Louis became one of my favorite characters in the whole franchise. *Cough* He should’ve gotten with Peaches, not Julian. *cough*

Worst Aspect - The fact that the villains are PIRATES. Like WHAT!? This was when the films started to introduce more crazy ideas, like pirates in the ice age. The only think I really liked about them was their little song they sing in the film. It’s oddly catchy. And the fact that Shira exists. (AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD A SEMI-CRUSH ON HER WHEN I WAS A KID!?) I ended up shopping Shira with Diego A LOT when I was a kid. Like it was one of my favorite ships back then lol. But yeah other than those two points, the whole idea of pirates in the ice age is just ridiculous.

Overall: ⭐️⭐️1/2

Ice Age: Collision Course

Best Aspect - Um.. I don’t know.. The song at the end was okay...

Worst Aspect - The movie acting like a bad sitcom episode, it trying to be hip but failing miserably, Buck coming back and becoming EXTREMELY annoying, Julian existing, half of the characters having no point to the story, Scrat in space, the whole plan to get the asteroid to not hit the earth, the fact that there are now animals that can live for an eternity because of the asteroid or some shit, the fact that when I saw this movie in theaters, there was a little girl in front of us and she would randomly get LOUD as we’re trying to watch the film, she literally screamed at the top of her lungs when the villains showed up at one point, it was ridiculous. Trust me, I would go on for HOURS about why I hate this movie. It’s so FUCKING bad that I now just pretend that it NEVER existed.

Overall: -⭐️ (Negatice 1 star btw)

[memescomicswriting]

In the Pursuit of Happiness Ch.6

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Reader x Bucky, Reader x Steve

Warnings/genre: Very Angsty Chapter, a few bad words

Summary: Singer!Avenger. Raised by Sheild since the age of ten, Y/N grew up without everyday examples. She only saw how to be an agent. Though as a grown woman she has surpassed that mindset, she still faces challenges from her upbringing- like how to handle feelings, unrequited love, and interpersonal challenges. Set after similar plot points in Civil War, Y/N must face returning home after leaving during an uncomfortable time in her life and facing the consequences

A/N: This is my first series in the Marvel fandom. I hope you enjoy it. I always welcome feedback. It is appreciated. This story does not follow the traditional Marvel timeline. I mess with it to make the story work, so roll with me.

This is the start of phase 2!!! I’m so excited to share this chapter and the next with y’all. I really enjoyed writing it. This is a bit shorter than the other chapters, but it’s the set up for those to come. 

Story Masterlist

When Bucky returned to the apartment after his training session with Natasha, he found Steve pacing and on the phone. "Yes, sir." His voice was firm and resolved. "Yes, sir. I understand." He nodded along to the conversation. "I'll see you at o-four hundred." Steve clicked the phone off and placed it down on the table. Then, he turned to Bucky. Bucky was too familiar with look glimmering through Steve's eyes. He'd either done something painful or stupid, basically regretful.

Bucky dropped his gym bag in its usual spot by the door. "What'd you do?" This was all too familiar to Bucky. Steve does something noble but idiotic, Bucky drags the truth out of him, they resolve it together. Steve shook his head. It wasn't in defeat but towards Bucky, like he couldn't understand. "Furry contacted me a while back about an undercover mission. The files Y/N recovered on her previous mission revealed fraction formally belonging to Hydra branching off and becoming something new." "Oh," Bucky shrugged nonchalantly and brushed past Steve to the kitchenette they shared. However, he still eyed him with suspicion. "Is that all?" "It's deep undercover Buck." Steve's voice was treading on heavily. He was gaging Bucky's response. "You won't see me for a while. Anywhere from a couple of months to almost a year." Bucky's jaw went slack. He knew Steve was off lately, but he thought the moping about was from being doll dizzy over Y/N. But to leave, just like that? "Why would you do that? What about Y/N? You just got started and you're going to up and leave her?" And him. Despite his strides in recuperation, Bucky still needed Steve. Steve was abandoning the arguably two most important people in his life for a mission. "I broke it off with her." The reply was hastened and harsh. "You were right Buck, I persisted her into the wrong decision." With a set jaw, Steve trucked off to his room to begin packing. Bucky followed. Bucky caught his friend's door before it could slam shut. "What happened?" Steve ignored him, but Bucky pressed on. "Come on you punk." "She'll never share the feelings I have for her, alright!" Bucky had reached out to place a hand on Steve's shoulder, but he slung it off. "No, the words she shared with you were true. She doesn't know how to love me as more than a friend." "Is that what this is about?" Bucky's eyes narrowed. "The fears she had a month ago? Steve, that girl's done nothing but shown you affection since your first date. You said things were going well-" "Well they weren't, okay?" Steve snapped. "It's been wrong since the start. What she could give wasn't enough." Bucky's eyes widened. He realized what Steve he was dealing with. This was the Steve that would follow his decision off a cliff if no one stopped him. "Fucking hell Steve! Did you tell her that?" Steve's anger melted a bit, and he turned his head in shame. "No," He said lowly. "I just said what I gave wasn't enough, and that we deserved more." Bucky scoffed at how ridiculous his best friend could be. He waited so long for Y/N to give him a shot, and then he blew it up. "You're a fucking moron. You know that's the one thing she was afraid of. She couldn't handle disappointing you, so she hesitated, and then you go and tell her that's all she did." "Yeah, well, you were the one that said I shouldn't push her into a decision so now I'm setting her free." Steve was aggressively shoving his belongings into a duffle bag. "No, you're just running away from her." He wanted to knock Steve over the head, throw his bag out the window, tie him down until he saw what a huge mistake he was making. "Yes, I am." Steve was pointed, eyeing Bucky down. "I'm running from my feelings for her in the hope that distance will enable me to get over her; 'cause I can't do that here." Bucky was taken aback. For once, Steve was doing something knowingly selfish. Again it was stupid, and that was nothing new, but it was selfish. Bucky couldn't argue with him any longer. If Steve was so hurt that he was actively making a selfish choice, there was no changing his mind. Bucky quietly asked the next question after minutes of being mute. "You at least going to tell her." "No," Steve's voice was broken and shaky. "I couldn't face her to tell her." The room developed a defeated silence and painful understanding. Bucky helped Steve pack his things up. Without having to say it, Bucky knew. He'd have to tell Y/N. --- Bucky didn't sleep that night. He heard Steve leave around three-thirty in the morning. Around five Bucky gave up on sleep and left for the gym. When the others began their routines at 8, Bucky left. He didn't want to socialize this morning. That was most mornings, but this morning he refused to. He decided to shower, and then go talk to Y/N. When he knocked on her apartment door, the spider kid, Peter, answered. "She's not here. If that's what you want." The kid checked and Bucky nodded. "She'll disappear sometimes. It's always in or near the compound, but none of us know where." After asking Stark's A.I. where Y/N was, he was informed that she left the building just before sunrise and headed for the woods. Bucky changed from sneakers into boots and took up his search outside. Bucky knew the woods surrounding the compound well. His understanding of them began out of fearful habit. He needed to know what was around, escape routes, entry points, situational awareness. Then, they became a place of calm for him. When Steve and Sam kept pestering him to do things, or the gym was too crowded, he'd seek the emptiness of the woods. Y/N could be anywhere, but Bucky would start with his favorite spots. She wasn't in the large oak he liked to climb, nor the ridged cliff, the field of wildflowers was empty aswell. Lastly, he made his way along the creek, uphill, to the waterfalls that covered one of the many foothills like steps of water. It was clear at the top. There was a wide enough gap in the trees that you could see the wooded valleys below. That's where he found her. She looked so calm, almost happy there. Even with a night filled with heartache, she radiated serenity. She was at peace. Bucky kept a respectful distance. He felt like an ancient hunter sneaking up on an unsuspecting nymph. However, she was well aware of his presence. "You're flawless at masking your presence. If I was ordinary, I wouldn't know you were here." Her voice was startling after the countless time of silence. "But I'm not ordinary, and I'm not all human." Her body finally twisted to his direction. She pinpointed him through the foliage. "You can join me." Bucky emerged from his not so camouflaged spot. Yet, he kept his steps light and breathing shallow. Steadily, he took to the ground next to her. His legs dangled off the fall's edge with hers. They continued their unnerved silence further into the day. Bucky didn't feel compelled to stay with her. He simply wanted to. Her inner peace settled into him. His eyes were closed as he was bathing in the sun's rays that made their way through the treeline. Momentarily, he'd forgotten about Steve and the rest of the world. The only thing left was Y/N, himself, and the woods. When she spoke again, he was surprised but not startled. "He's gone isn't he?" Her gaze settled on him. Though her eyes could've bore into him, they remained soft and glassed over from something he knew well. She'd run out of tears to cry, too numb for emotions, and accepted defeat. Bucky's face, despite his best efforts, gave subtle hints of confusion she picked up on. "You're not someone who'd willingly seek a distressed person to comfort. I know you care, but it's out of your comfort zone. You wouldn't be here unless you had to be." He wanted to protest, but she hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what he'd do and what he was doing. "Yeah," Bucky sighed. "He left early this morning for a mission. Said he needed some distance." Y/N hummed in agreement. She understood Steve, but she was too hurt to fight him. Bucky could see that in the way her body slumped and her head hung low. He abruptly started the conversation this time. "He's a punk, yah know? He's set in his ways and when he sees a problem he sticks to the way he thinks he'll solve it. So he ran because he's a little punk." The unspoken but understood 'it's not your fault, it's him' loomed in the air. Her head whipped back to enjoy more of the sun. Wind that picked up from the water hitting hard rocks bellow, blew her hair back. She was back to looking like a nature spirit. A bit of her spark returned. "Fuck Steve Rogers." It wasn't loud, or angry, or bitter, but casual and held an air of acceptance to it. Y/N half-lidded glanced over at Bucky who was wide-eyed. Bucky erupted in a deep chuckle that boomed throughout the forest. Lord knows how many woodland animals he chased away with it, but god was she something else. "Fuck Steve Rogers." He repeated through his laughs. Y/N followed him in rolling with laughter. She was dry heaving from her fit of giggles. It took them a while to calm down because every time they glanced in each other's direction the laughter picked back up. Half an hour later, they were calm. "Wanna go for a swim?" Her question surprised Bucky who honestly doubted fun with him would be the last thing she wanted. "Come on, this is a good place to dive from." Bucky looked down the waterfall to the rocky edges and the pool of water below. "I've made some risky moves, but that's just crazy." He surmised. She shrugged. "Not if you hit the water just right." And with that, she pushed herself off the ledge and cascaded into the pool of water. She lived on the edge of the moment. That was clear enough. Bucky just floated around the present, fearful of his past and his future. Tentatively, he let that slip and not to seem like a chicken, he had no choice but to follow her down the waterfall. You called Steve that night. He didn't answer. You weren't disappointed it went to voicemail; it was anticipated. "Hello Steve, it's me, but you already knew that from the caller id." You chuckled at yourself for being so ridiculous. "I hope you'll receive this, and you're not too far embedded yet that you'll be able to listen." You sighed, pausing for what you were about to say. "I love you Steve. I know it's not in the way you love me, but I want to. I want you to be the one I want and I'm sorry I don't already. I-I hope you can see the light in that and make your way back to me." You clicked end call and placed your phone on the nightstand. You were tuckered out from your day at the falls with Bucky. You had a few quizzical pairs of eyes follow you in, but you didn't pay them much mind. You needed today for your own sanity. After a lavender-infused bath to calm your nerves you collapsed into bed. You tried not to think of Steve and the heartache that followed. So, your mind drifted to Bucky and the surprising amount of fun you had today. You'd listened to Steve's tales of Bucky's trouble-making before his fall and the reserved man he was post-recovery. Yet you'd never seen that reserve. Today he was a kind and jovial friend, symbiotically avoiding the downcast thoughts with you. It was nice to have that kind of companionship again. You thought of that as you drifted to sleep.

---

A/N: And that was Chapter 6! What did you think? Reblog if you liked it. 

How will things change with Steve gone? Will he answer the phone calls? What’s next for the team? Bucky’s definitely said “Fuck Steve Rogers” before.

My messages and asks are open for any questions, comments, or requests!

[timeisacephalopod]

Ive seen endgame! Spoilers under the cut and I’m not tagging this as spoilers because I’m literally telling you now its spoilers.

1- what the fuck was the point of Tony’s kid? We had more than 10 years with this character, he doesn’t need a kid for emotional impact when he died and now I’m kind of pissed they threw this fucking random kid in there only to orphan the poor thing and make Pepper a single mother. What fucking bullshit. Never should have been a storyline.

2- Pepper in the suit yaaaaaas.

3- Wanda. Fucking loved her moments. And Thanos’ “I don’t even know who you are” was fucking iconic lmao. I mean her “you will” was okay but holy fucking damn that was the funniest shit from Thanos.

4- they killed viz permanently lmao yeah I didn’t give 2 tits and a snare drum about him anyway so I don’t care.

5- Steve. What the fucking fuck did they do to him? Don’t get me wrong, I like Peggy, and I liked him and Peggy in FA. They were cute. But it was a 4 month fling in the middle of of a war. Not that it can’t be important, but after 15+ years you are telling me a 4 month fling from Steve’s youth is more important to him than everything else? And what of Bucky? He leaves him to HYDRA and after all the shit he went through in WS and CW you’re seriously telling me he’d just LEAVE him there like that? I don’t mean to be a dick to Peggy because I do like her, but narratively speaking Bucky has always played more importance to her except when they want to make Steve feel nostalgic. I’m sorry, I’m fucking over that plot line.

More than that though she moved on in her show, she had a life after Steve and he went back and took that from her. And I don’t see why aside from no one let him grow as a character while also having him grow as a character. He went through a huge character shift in WS and then we saw nothing of it. Aside from his motivations in CW, which make sense given the context of WS however much I disagree, we see none of that development and I’m fucking tired of watching him lament over a relationship that lasted for a shorter time than a high school semester. To any normal person, and even to Steve given his non normal stance, he would have moved the fuck on. Also he made out with her niece that one time!! How is he living with this!

Also Sam says they never had a Captain America but Steve was still big when he danced with Peggy, which means he got the serum, which means he still can’t age right, which begs the question of how the tits long did he live? And again, what does this mean for everything else considering getting the serum implies he was, at some point, Cap even if he was never the Cap they knew. What the fuck! I’m actually the most mad about this because Steve, post WS, probably would have been one of my favorite characters given his extreme narrative shift and just how interesting that could have been if anyone ever fucking let him move on with his fucking self but no. Instead we end with him in the same spot he started in! I watched ten years of this shit for him to do NOTHING? All that development (that the narratives never really let him go through in totality because he narratively never shifted out of his War and Peggy Phase even while his character, on an individual level, moved out of that several times) and I watch him end in the same place he started?

Honestly I’m pretty pissed about that. Especially with all the did with Bucky. I seriously can’t believe Steve fucking left him there, ignored every piece of information he had, ruined Peggy’s original happy ending, and then didn’t even grow as a character. I like that he got a happy ending, I think he’s earned that, but I simply cannot believe a 4 month fucking fling meant so much he’d ignore his best friend, HYDRA, Peggy’s original marriage, the fact that he made out with her niece that one time, and everything else to end up exactly where he started. Which is why I don’t really care for him to begin with- because the narrative always leaves him right at the beginning and I don’t know how to invest in a character that grows but never grows. If he narratively was allowed to grow he would have been so. Much. Better. It is so fucking frustrating to me that he never moved the fuck on. You have no idea.

6- “I can do this all day” “Yeah I know”

7- “You look like melted ice cream”

8- Hated almost everything they did with Thor. Fat jokes? Yikes. Though I did love that ice cream line. Loved the bit with Frigga. And like. Thor being devastated and traumatized is ok. I think that’s realistic enough even if I wonder how someone that’s been alive for well over 1000 years doesn’t know how to handle himself with slightly more grace. I would have liked to see him crack differently.

9- Cap picking up Thor’s hammer and Thor being happy about it? 10 000 times better than the garbage Whedon wrote. Loved that.

10- Nebula. N E B U L A. NEEEEEBBBUUUUULLLLAAAA. Start to finish fucking loved her. She was amazing. 2 questions though- how did she not kill herself when she killed herself? Which in itself is a fucky question to ask. And also the second contention point I have with the movie beyond time travel bullshit is why NO ONE asked where she was post Nat (that in a minute). I know they were sad about Nat obviously but Rhodey is a full bird colonel, he keeps track of thousands of people for his job, plus all of his involvement in Tony’s antics, plus the Avengers and you’re telling me he didn’t notice her gone even with Nat? And Tony, you’re telling me he didn’t notice her gone? He was the one who bonded with her the most and he didn’t notice that he’s now technically lost two people he was close to? And Rocket? He didn’t notice? Are you fucking kidding me? I thought that was bullshit.

Even if, by chance, Rhodey somehow didn’t notice his partner in crime was missing (”I wasn't always like this” “Neither was I”- new BroTP yo!) when I think his military experience alone would have made him the second most likely to notice after Rocket (because he knows her the best) then Rocket should have. And if for some reason Rocket didn’t notice despite her being all that’s left of his found family, making him extra invested in her whereabouts, over Nat, whom I think he’d care about but not like Nebula, then Tony, who spent all that time with her in space, would have noticed.

Fucking someone would have noticed her gone. And the whole second half relies on no one noticing this moment and I call absolute bullshit on that. Someone. Would. Have. Noticed. Rhodey if for no other reason than experience of keeping track of people in war zones, Rocket if for no other reason than her being his last remaining connection to his family, and Tony if for no other reason than Nebula being a large part of the reason he’s alive. I was completely thrown from the story here. I simply can’t see how they could over look that even considering Natasha.

11- Natasha. Are you fucking kidding me? You killed her over Clint? I fucking hate MCU Clint. He’s boring, he’s nothing like the comics, he’s a fucking prick, and I don’t give a fuck about his family or anything to do with him. I liked him best when he was going to kill himself for Natasha. That is the only moment, as Marie Kondo would say, sparked joy for me. Otherwise throw the whole thing out. Fucking Natasha over Clint. Fuck you. That was an insult to the viewers. I don’t give a fuck about Clint, I don’t give a fuck about his kids aside from thinking they didn’t deserve the snap, and I don’t give a fuck about his story.

My mom said he was a plain Timbit (donut hole for the US readers) in a donut world and I honestly think that’s insulting to the plain Timbit, which is something we give to dogs as treats in Canada. Clint isn’t even a dog treat to me and they killed Black Widow over him. Fucking pissed.

12- “That suit does nothing for your ass” “No one was asking you to look, Tony!” “That’s America’s ass!” .... “That is America’s ass”

13- I actually really liked what they did with Bruce. I was excited to see all the benefits of the Hulk and Banner in one! That was pretty cool!

14- Strange’s reappearance was pretty badass. And Wong! I was excited to see him there! Was a bit surprised by Tilda Swinton’s appearance but okay. I didn’t hate it. Loved when she punched Bruce out of the Hulk lmfao that was so funny. I do like that she apparently does that to everyone lmao. I should write a fic where she punches Wong’s soul out of his body when the meet just because I think it’d be funny. And I’d love to see more Wong.

15- Steve vs Steve was really cool, I liked that. And fucking Hail HYDRA holy fucking shit I almost lost my ass. Couldn’t fucking believe he said that (and knowing that he just leaves that all for Peggy, his 4 month fling? Find this wildly out of character for him). Then he fucks right off with the tesseract omg.

16- Scott had some iconic one-liners. “That’s America’s ass!” “Okay I'm going to go inside you” omg. Ant Man was a joy to watch in this. I find Endgame used his character right.

17- I know I said it but Pepper Potts in the fucking suit y’all! I don’t know who was watching Morgan but also Pepper Potts in the fucking suit!!

18- That time travel shit made things entirely way too fucky. I knew that’s what they were going to do because that’s all that made sense, but I thought it was fucking stupid. And can Thanos even snap the stones out of existence? Because Tilda Swinton’s speech implied if he did something like that timelines would essentially do the funky chicken and die. She removed the time stone and shit was supposed to get weird, remove all 5 and what happens? Wtf? He fucking hid those stones. Did like Thor’s bit there though, killing Thanos. I think Nebula earned it more than him but I also think it was a good moment for Thor before his character became a fucking joke. 

19- narratively I understand why they started with Clint’s family dusting but I don’t give a fuck about Clint or his dusted family. I would have preferred watching a civilian lose his shit.

20- Steve you need therapy, stop leading therapy sessions. Especially when your advice is ‘move on’ and you literally go fucking nowhere in your life even after you went all over hell’s creations. Get this man a proper therapist he needs like 15!

21- lmfao Russos talking about gay representation and it was a guy talking about a date. I shit you the fuck not that was it. Gay. It was barely even there. Only straight men would ever assume that could possibly count as representation holy fuck. Like thanks for the blink you miss it shout out I guess. You remembered gays exist, wow!

22- Strange’s one finger thing, I liked that a lot actually. I think it functioned both as a great call to action and a nice reference to Stephen’s power.

23- Quick question, why was Tilda Swinton in New York? Because they went back too far for Strange- at first I when they mentioned 3 stones in NY I was like wait, when’s Strange’s story supposed to happen? After WS right? He can’t be in NY with the stone? But then Tilda showed up and I was like... why isn’t she in Nepal at the teaching sanctum? Because apparently the NY one isn’t a teaching sanctum and as far as I knew she was training Mordo and Wong there at this time so wtf? And it can’t be explained with ‘she knew she needed to be there’ because she punched Bruce out of hulk and he had to grovel to her to get the fucking thing from her and only managed because she knew Stephen gave up the stone willingly and would never do so without good reason because he’s the best fo the best. So like. Why was she there aside from plot convenience? That was a little too easy. Frankly, the whole plot was a touch too easy but still.

24- tired of aliens we’re supposed to relate to looking like humans but in pink while aliens we’re supposed to dislike are animalistic and non human looking. That’s a garbage trope.

25- The black woman in the elevator who made Tony and Steve is 100% Fury’s mother no one can convince me otherwise. I think the timeline matches up but I don’t care if it doesn’t she’s his mom now. He gets it all from his mama.

Bonus: stop trying to make Howard happen, Marvel, its not going to. I fucking hated that scene with Tony and Howard. What kind of bullshit abuse apology was that? Howard then, sure, he didn’t suck quite yet and seems to be aware of his own shortcomings. Howard in the future? Sorry, irredeemable crap. Narratively interesting irredeemable crap but irredeemable nonetheless. Tony panicking and saying his last name was Potts was great though lol. I’ll take it as evidence he took Pepper’s last name when they got married.

Bonus Bonus: I cried when Sam held the shield. I’ve been gunning for Sam to take over as Cap since we met him and everyone told me it’d be Bucky. I argued that we’ve already seen the story of a super soldier as Cap, it would be more interesting to watch Sam as a relatively normal guy take over as Cap. And I like Bucky traumatized and Winter Solider-y. I think he’s more interesting that way. Seriously though, Sam as Cap will be amazing and I didn’t expect to cry at that of all things but I did. I’m so excited to see him in that role!

Bonus Bonus Bonus for any sorry fucking soul who’s made it this far in I think I might update the Tony, T’Challa, and Their Gaggle of Children verse to include Morgan (but older) finding Tony only she’s his actual assed kid and no one believes it even though they have a striking resemblance. Which annoys them both because he got the media to buy all his other fake kids with easy to track down parents but not his actual kid. Ending with Nebula showing up and him claiming she’s his kid and everyone buying it.

[heartsofstrangers]

What has been one of the most challenging things you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing?

“Leaving a toxic relationship . . . toxic engagement.”

It sounds like a title to a movie or a book.

“Yeah, sounds like a rock band, doesn’t it? That was tough; that ended October 1st. It was one of those things where I kept trying to leave, but we were just so attached to each other because we were living together. I worked from home and she owned a yoga center. So, whenever she came home, I was home. We always did everything together. It was nice at first, but then she was very insecure and became very controlling. I say this after checking my ego; it wasn’t me. I was never controlling of her, but I was attached to her. The way that I left was kind of cruel, but I had to. She went to visit her family in Brazil for three weeks. We were on thin ice because she would always argue with me and I’m not an arguing person. I got really tired of it, so I said, ‘Victoria, when you go, I will not give you a single reason to argue with me, so please don’t.’ In my head, I said if she finds a way to argue with me, then I have to leave. On day 2, she got mad at me for some reason, so I packed up my stuff and left while she was in another country. I didn’t see her, and that was about two months ago. I just saw her a couple of days ago because I think we both needed some closure. I just had to do it; I had to do it that way, because I knew that if I waited until she came back, I would fall back into the cycle.”

Tell me how you got into that relationship.

“It was beautiful, like a fairy tale. She was the owner of a yoga center and I always viewed her as a goddess, a queen. She owns the yoga center, she’s beautiful, she’s so knowledgeable, and very kind but, also at the same time, very firm, which I like. I like confidence in people and I always thought that she was out of my league so I never tried. Then I did the yoga teacher training, which is six days a week, so I spent six days a week with her and I got really close with her, me and a couple other people in the class. I mustered up the courage to ask her to spend time with me outside of class, and it went really well. She kept saying that she couldn’t break that student-teacher promise that she had with herself, and I was like, ‘Yes you can, it’s okay.’ She was insecure from the beginning, but I felt that I could fix it, ‘I will be the best man she could ever have.’ I said to myself that I’ll be the best version of myself that I could possibly be; I will fulfill her needs and there will be no reason for her to be insecure; that should have been the first red flag.

“Everything happened so fast. I was also in another toxic friendship with my roommates at the time, a lot of drinking, a lot of irresponsibility; it was like a big party house. I was also being disrespected all the time. My roommates were just mean people. Victoria and I had been together for about two months and I had already been staying with her basically every night because I didn’t want to be at my apartment and she was like, ‘Why don’t we just move in together?’ and I was like that sounds fuckin’ great. So, two months in, we moved in together. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea, but we moved in together and that’s when it started to go downhill.”

What was the first sign that it was going downhill?

“I could never make her happy. At first I could, but then it was can you help me with this, can you do that, and I love helping people that I love. She asked me to help with things for her business, multiple things a day (her responsibilities for her business); instead of receiving a thank you, a hug, or a kiss, it was another demand. When I put my foot down and said, ‘I’m sorry I can’t help you with this,’ that was our first big argument. I said I have my own life and my own responsibilities, and I can’t spend all my time taking care of yours. I told her I would help her when I could, but I couldn’t do multiple things a day to help her business. That was the first sign, really.”

Did that feel uncomfortable for you creating that boundary, living in her space (I’m assuming you moved in with her)?

“Yeah. I was always very respectful and mindful of how I lived with her in the beginning and in the middle too but, towards the end, we resented each other, so it was different. I always made sure the toilet was clean, the bath was clean, and the dishes were done. I respected the fact that she let me stay with her there very, very much. We were in that spot for about two months and she wanted to move. I told her that it didn’t make sense to move out, as it was a nice place and we were both really busy (she was opening a new yoga center). I told her that it wasn’t a good idea to open a new yoga center and move in the same month. She was really adamant about it and went and signed a lease without me knowing about it and told me ‘we’re moving’ and I was like ‘what?’ So, this is where the control started to come in . . . I forget what the question was.”

I was just curious if it was difficult for you to define that boundary with her, knowing that you were in her space, essentially sharing.

“Yes, it was. I was grateful that she allowed me to move into her space and I wanted to help her as much as I could so, of course, it was uncomfortable for me to say no to something she asked me to do. However, it was every day, multiple things, and it started to affect my business and my own well-being. It was hard to put that first boundary down and there was a lot of resistance from her to that boundary; that made it even more difficult.”

Was there ever a time where you felt that she would just toss you out?

“No. We were very attached to each other. She never wanted me to leave the apartment, ever. She always wanted me there. I alienated myself from my friends and family because, if and when she came home and I wasn’t there, it was a big problem, which was cute at first, but it got old fast. I like spending time with somebody I’m with, but she really wanted all of my time. I appreciate how much she loved me but, at the same time, I had other people I wanted to spend time with. However, she took that as I didn’t want to spend any time with her.”

Do you feel there was emotional abuse in the relationship?

“Yes. She was what is called love showering. She would upset me somehow or we would get into an argument and, once she realized that she was in the wrong, she would give me gifts, cook for me, cuddle with me, and spend the whole night doing whatever I would like, and that was definitely emotional abuse. Also, the biggest thing she would say to me was ‘you don’t love me, you hate me, and you’re cheating on me.’ Those are three big emotional abuse tactics, I guess you could say, and then it would inevitably lead to an argument. ‘Yes, I love you,’ ‘no you don’t.’ Of course I love you very much; no you don’t, you did this, this, and that, and then it would move forward. Or, you hate me and I would say, I don’t like the word hate, so don’t say the word hate; well, you hate me or you’re cheating on me, fucking other girls; I spend all of my time here, how could I be cheating on you. I don’t think she really knew what she was doing; I think she was so wildly insecure that that’s all she really knew. That was definitely emotional abuse.”

How did that feel to have her confine your life in such a way that you felt you were isolated?

“I began to resent her very quickly. I began to plot ways of leaving her after we had been together for eight months, but I had such a high image of her in my head for years of being suited, and thought that this must be a phase, there must be something wrong here. What was the question again? I’m sorry, this gets me emotional.”

I was just curious how that felt to be put in a box.

“My parents told me I was like a trophy to hold, dust off, and then go back to work. As a result of that, I would do really irresponsible things to lash out. I’m very energetic, so my energy would be kept in and I would do something crazy. We would have a big blowout argument and then I would go and do a bunch of drugs for a night, or go out and get drunk for a whole night, or do something stupid.”

Had you had an experience like this before in a previous relationship?

“No, never. I’ve only had one serious relationship and one kind of serious relationship, but I’ve never experienced this before. It was very weird. I’m still kind of learning what love is, but I know that wasn’t it.”

At what point did you and she become engaged? When did that happen?

“I will say a lot of tension on the relationship was due to the fact that I would have to leave for three or four weeks at a time. I understood and told her that this is the way it is, and if you can’t handle it, I respect and understand if you want to end the relationship. Somebody very close to me needed help, so I had to go and help him, and she didn’t understand that. I’m sorry, what’s the question again?”

The engagement?

“Honestly, I thought I was losing her, so I did it as a Hail Mary. I flew down to Miami during our one-year anniversary and I proposed to her where we had our first kiss, because I felt the relationship dying, but I was so attached to her. I thought that it was a good idea, and it really wasn’t, and then she held that over my head; ‘propose to me again, I didn’t like the first proposal. I didn’t like it, it wasn’t good enough for me.’ I look back and laugh at it; I laughed at it in the moment too, but only of its absurdity. It’s so stupid; I should have left long ago.”

Why didn’t you? What do you think kept you there?

“The lifestyle. I was very attached to her. I was very attached to Miami. I was very attached to Synergy, the yoga center, and she was kind of my ticket to all of that. I stayed for so long because I thought I could make it work somehow, and that was that.”

You mentioned that she was away, you gave her an opportunity to kind of not initiate a fight with you, like this is it, if you initiate a fight . . .

“I didn’t tell her that I was going to leave, though. All I said was, ‘I beg you, please don’t give me a reason to argue with you or for you to argue with me.’ I didn’t tell her I was going to leave if she did and said to her, ‘I promise I will not give you any reason.’ It was something stupid—I called her late at night, because I forgot about the time difference; it woke up her mom, and she got mad at me for that. I’m like, ‘Let it go, please let it go’; I really didn’t want to leave, I really didn’t want to leave, I really didn’t. I wanted to stay and make it work.”

It’s like you had already decided in your mind that one more straw on the camel’s back is going to break it.

“Right. Another thing was she drove me to a point once where I broke a glass frame, held the glass to my wrist, and then tried leaving her for the first time. She copied that behavior where she broke a wine glass, held it to her wrist, and said that she was going to kill herself. That’s why I left when she wasn’t there; I didn’t want to risk that again or at least be there if she was to do that again. I know that sounds terrible, but I got to the point where I had to look out for myself. It really changed who I was. I view myself as a very bright ball of sun. When you try to put a box on that ball of sun, it bursts forth, eventually it cracks and a beam shoots out. For me, instead of positivity, I would do something fuckin’ crazy; it would drive me to do some crazy shit. The whole glass thing was definitely so out of character for me. I love myself. I would never kill or hurt myself, I never have, and never thought of doing it. It was weird.”

Did it work in getting your message across to her?

“No. She was afraid of me for a couple of days, understandably so. I had something in my head—I had the glass frame, shattered, and I was like, ‘Fuck, I have to clean this up.’ I was so emotionally charged up at the moment, my hand was shaking visibly, and I was having completely irrational emotional thoughts. I was thinking ‘well, she fuckin’ hates me, she must want me to fuckin’ die or kill myself, and I can’t live without her.’ So, that makes sense, it was stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. I found the biggest piece of glass I could find and held it to her face; it was stupid, it was very dumb. Then she did the same thing to me; she copied that behavior when I tried to leave her. When she did that, I slowly made my way to her and then, when I got close enough, I grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. Then we spent the night together so I could make sure that she wouldn’t leave; I stayed up most of the night. I don’t think she meant it. I think she was copying what I did and she didn’t know what she was doing. There was a lot of stress on us because we both had businesses, and both of them were suffering. Combine that with a broken relationship, we were both sane doing insane things, very out of character. It feels good to talk about this; thank you.”

You’re welcome. You were at a place in your life where you were doing some really irrational things and you were probably able to recognize in that moment that they felt out of character. Did it inspire you to do anything, to change anything?

“I would just feel more anger towards her, but now I realize it was anger towards myself for allowing it to happen and allowing myself to stay there for so long. It didn’t really inspire me to do anything because I felt so enraged all the time and couldn’t think clearly. It was so weird because when I was in the apartment, it was hell and when I left the apartment, it was heaven. It was South Beach; I could go skateboarding, go to the beach and go swimming. So, it was really weird. I’m very lucky because I have great parents and they really love me. When I finally mustered up the courage to tell my parents what was really going on, that’s when I said ‘I need to live’. My dad told me that if she hurts herself when you’re there, you’re going to jail, and I was like, fuck, you’re right. My parents really inspired me to leave; my friends, too.

“Previously in my life, in order to make a big decision, I needed to have validation from multiple people. I would get it from my parents and my friends (many of them), and they all said, ‘yes, this is right, leave her.’ Now, I’m working on not needing validation to do things. I’m coming along okay. Back then, I really needed validation, especially with her; my only validation came from her for a long time. It was like, ‘hey, is this a good idea? no,’ then I wouldn’t do it, and most of my ideas were bad anyway. If it didn’t involve her or helping her somehow, it was always a bad idea. My physical self deteriorated; I let my beard get all big (beards look good, but not on me). My hair grew long and my physique shriveled to nothing. I was living in Miami, but I was very pale. I wasn’t flossing and wasn’t regularly showering. I was just a shell of myself. It was weird. To think that was only three to four months ago, it really shows me the power of how long a month really is; a month is a long time. It’s been four months since I left.”

Looking back on the state you were in, would you recognize that as being depressed, suffering from anxiety, abusive relationship . . . how do you see that on looking back at it?

“I don’t know yet. Because it was such high emotional highs and such low emotional lows, I don’t know what the word to describe that is. She meant a lot to me; she showed me a lot; she showed me yoga; she showed me traveling. We went to Peru together. We went to Costa Rica together. I will say that we did a lot for each other. I did a lot for her and she did a lot for me, and that’s really nice and I’m very grateful for that; but we also did the opposite to each other. We did really good things to each other and we did really bad things to each other. So, I don’t think it was depression. I don’t think it was anxiety. The right words were confusion and anger. I don’t know what mental state that is, but confusion and anger combined with a lot of love randomly.”

You finally work up the courage to leave her, but it sounds like you don’t feel good about the way you left.

“No. It was my only option. Looking back on it, I got validation. Here’s the situation and they were like ‘this is the only chance you’re going to have to do it like this.’ Also, to move out of someone’s place it’s not like a two-hour thing, it takes a couple of days. I actually did move out of her place once, and I did the same thing. She went to work and I just packed up all my shit and left, but then I moved back a week later because I missed her so much, and that’s why I knew I had to leave Florida because I moved down the street the first time. If I had moved back to Connecticut at that time, I would not have moved back. That’s why I knew I had to leave the way I did. I wouldn’t say I regret it and I won’t say I like it, but it was the right thing to do for both of us, because now she’s happy with somebody else, and that’s great. I’m happier, much happier, grown so much, and learned a lot about myself. I’m really glad I got closure the other day, because we laid down together and it just didn’t feel right. I went there, she started crying and we laid down on the couch. I just felt bland; I didn’t feel love; I didn’t feel anger. I didn’t feel anything. I think she felt the same way, so it was good to get the closure. As I told you before, even after I broke up with her, she would argue with me every day, calling me and texting me terrible things, so I blocked her on everything—Facebook, Instagram, text messaging, and Whatsapp; everything except for email because I don’t know how to block email. Once I did that, I think she got the message. I had blocked her for a good two months, maybe about six weeks, and I unblocked her, told her that I was in Miami and I wanted to see her; it was good.”

Tell me about those weeks, or months, that you leave her and come back to Connecticut. What does that look like?

“I got to the airport early so I could get really drunk. I almost got sick on my flight because I was drinking so much. I landed with a hangover because I fell asleep and then I went out to go drink again. That whole month was just a blur of alcohol and Adderall, if I could get my hands on it; it’s tough to find. I did it for work so I didn’t feel anything. The first month was bad. I was a regular at a bar; I wasn’t myself. I’m a yoga instructor. I’m a light in people’s life. I can’t be in a dark bar, eating this poison, eating this terrible food all the time.

“I got really plastered one night, woke up with a terrible handover, and said ‘I need to stop this.’ Nobody told me to stop what I was doing because I was pretty good at hiding it. I just knew that I had my fifteenth chance (I’ve been given a lot of chances in my life) to really get myself together and make my own life. I’ve always had roommates and then I was living with her. This was a chance for me to really build myself and do what I want to do, not what other people want me to do. So, it was just like a snap; I’m done. I stopped drinking and then I quit caffeine. Together, that was really hard. Mainly because the alcohol was something to do. I had all of these emotions going through my head, and it got me out of my house. It got me kind of social. Alcohol has a numbing effect so I wouldn’t feel the emotional pain. Then I would reward myself with greasy, terrible food, it was vegan, but it was French fries and whatnot, and it wasn’t good. I just needed to stop and start cooking for myself again because my skin was breaking out all the time. I was pale, had long hair, and a big beard. I didn’t look good and I didn’t feel good.

“I started taking care of myself. I slipped a couple of times. I went out, had a drink or two, and got a little bit drunk. Overall, I massively improved, massively, although the first month was really tough. I think I had sex with somebody, or a couple of people, I’m not sure. I think I just called up an old booty call, just to get it out of my system. Oh, yeah, I remember how it went: I actually drove to Misquamicut and it was unconnected, no meaning, just getting it off for old time’s sake. The connection we had wasn’t there anymore, so it was even more depressing.

“I started taking care of myself for a month steady. Somebody really nice came along, it was an old friend; but then she was emotionally unavailable and that didn’t work out. That was a huge test for me because I was doing so good with not drinking, no caffeine and no sugar; I felt that pull to go to the bar. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, just fuckin’ go, just fuckin’ go; you’ve been so good for so long, just go and get drunk, and I said no, I’m going to do something more crazy; I’m not going to have sex for three months, and I put it on line and not release, and that made it tough. I think social media can be great or it can be terrible, and I try to make it great. Holding yourself socially accountable to something really helps me. So, I put it on line that I’m not having sex for three months or I’m not doing this for a while, and I say to myself, if somebody sees me in a bar, then they know I’m a liar and they’re not going to listen to any of the good things that I say. Instead of going out to bars, I go to another extreme. Now, I just keep doing extremely positive things, which is good. It’s good for me and for others. As a result of this, I read more books, I write a lot more, and I write music now, which is cool. I had never written music before. I’ve played guitar for about ten years, but I had never written a song until that girl went back to her ex-boyfriend.

“Everything’s much, much better now. It was really hard because it was like two break-ups. Even though I wasn’t with the second girl long, there was a really strong emotional connection and we had been friends for eight years. To finally make that work, it was so random, she was spending every day with me, we were having a great time together, and then all of a sudden she said I can’t see you anymore after three weeks of that; so it was like two breakups; but I also jumped in too quickly after the last relationship.”

Looking back on those relationships, it seems like there were some similar behaviors. You had said the last girl you mentioned was emotionally unavailable, and we had chatted earlier and you recognized that also exists within you, that you’re emotionally unavailable, and perhaps that’s a mirror.

“Yes, I see that. Another good thing is that I’ve eliminated anger with her; I let that go. Instead of being angry with that girl, I never was angry with her. You seek your own level, if that makes sense. Whatever you put out, you get back; it’s the law of attraction. These things that she is experiencing, I am. She was emotionally unavailable, and so was I. Another girl I dated four weeks after that, same thing, she was emotionally unavailable, and I’m still trying to figure it out. I always hung out with them and I was always very present when I spent time with them. I was very passionate about Missy and I wore my heart on my sleeve. I was like ‘I like you and let’s spend more time together.’ I don’t know how that’s emotionally unavailable, but there’s probably a part of me that is, but I just don’t recognize it yet. I know that it’s in me because I wouldn’t attract these kinds of people if it wasn’t. Like you were saying before, a big thing for me is understanding that people are near, and I knew that when I was with Victoria, so that made me more angry because I thought why can’t I fix myself and why am I putting her through me, if that makes sense?”

Where are you finding yourself now at this point in your life?

“I’m on the biggest upward spiral that I’ve ever experienced in my life in terms of business, physical self, educating myself, self-care, self-love, the friendships I have, and how I spend my time. Every aspect of my life is doing so good, and I’m so tempted to fuck it up. I’m so tempted to, I don’t know, reward myself and go out and get really drunk, but I know myself, I know that if I do that, it’s going to reverse the upward spiral. It’s just the little villain within myself that’s had control over a lot of my life. I don’t want to say that I have control over it, but I’m eliminating it. I don’t want to control anything, I just want to get rid of things, and I’m trying to get rid of those attachments I’ve had towards self-destruction.

“I’m great now. The last person I dated, the whole thing that happened—I wasn’t upset about it; I was just like ‘okay, whatever.’ Mainly because it’s probably unhealthy in a sense. I’m so busy that I’m putting my energy into my business. I like it because I put energy and time into my business and I get a really good return, whereas I would put energy and love into somebody else and I usually wouldn’t get anything in return, so it’s kind of nice. But I have to watch myself to make sure I don’t shut out people and emotional connections entirely. I’m open to it, but I’m not searching for it. I wasn’t searching for Victoria when I first started dating her. I said to myself I’m in Miami, I’m not going to have a fuckin’ girlfriend in Miami; it’s the worst place to have a girlfriend.

“Now, I’m doing really well and in looking back on it, I should have left about eight months in. I think I was using . . . I definitely was using when I first started dating her. I was using a bunch of amphetamines because my other business was doing really well and I was up for days at a time, and I hid it from her. When things were getting more serious and I left that party household, I stopped using, but then my business started suffering and I thought it was because I wasn’t using. So I started using again, and then I used more because of me and what was happening with her. It was like this: I would use, then I wouldn’t use, then I would use when I was with her. The worse it got and I couldn’t get my hands on the drugs that wanted, I turned to cocaine. I remember once I did it for two weeks, every day in a row, to work, because my brain was telling me that in order to make money, I need to do drugs. Because I was doing so much drugs, I needed to make a lot of money. For two weeks, I was doing a bunch of blow. I would have headaches, I’d always be sniffling, and I would blow out scabs in my nose. My parents asked me what was wrong, am I okay? That’s when I knew that I needed to slow down. I got to the point where I stopped seeking, but if it presented itself to me, I wouldn’t say no. And then sometimes I would seek if I was really overwhelmed, and now I’m still at that phase where if it’s presented to me, I’ll probably do it, but not nearly as bad as it was and I don’t seek anymore, which is good. I’m really learning to value and appreciate myself and know that I don’t need those things to do great things; they actually hinder me from doing great things.”

That’s a really important observation to make.

“Thanks. It’s weird because when I was making a lot of money, I was using, and everybody I knew who was making more money than I was also using. So, it made sense, staying up for three days at time, watching your ads and testing products. If they’re doing it, I want to do it. Then it stopped working for everybody, but everybody kept using, and then I just stopped hanging out with those people, and that helped.”

Who do you find yourself hanging out with now? Do you have a core group of friends?

“Myself and my little sister a lot; she’s the coolest. She’s fourteen and she’s like my best friend. Honestly, I really spend a lot time by myself.”

What’s that feel like?

“Good. It feels good. I feel lonely sometimes, but then I jump into a cold pool and I’m fine. Cold stuff really helped me out a lot, man. It really helped me. It’s like a huge shock. Getting into that water and staying still, meditating in it. It takes so much will power and focus; when I get out, it washes away my anxiety and negativity. I also feel like I need to find a better business/life balance. This has happened to me before where if I’m not working, I get anxious. I don’t get anxious at the gym because I know that I need to go to the gym, but when I’m spending time doing something else and not working (like when I’m at the gym), I get anxious about not working. So, I need to hire somebody basically or something like that.

“Being alone is good, especially after being with somebody who wouldn’t leave me alone for so long. Going back to how I value myself: I really appreciate who I am and I don’t want to be around people who will bring me down. I want to uplift people. I view it like this—there are people who are influenced by other people when they walk into a room and there are people who influence other people when they walk into a room. I am making that shift right now, from being influenced to becoming an influencer. I’m finding it takes a lot of alone time to find myself, to shed a lot of karma and bad habits, and become really comfortable with who I am. That’s why I’m alone right now, and it’s not a bad thing. I’m very busy, and it’s good. Everything is growing so much; I don’t want to ruin it.”

It sounds like you’re growing as well.

“Yeah, thanks. Previously in my life, when I walked into a room, I made it happy and stuff; but, more often than not, I’d be influenced by the energy of the people around me, but I want to change that. I think about an enlightened master; you just sit around and listen. I want people to listen to what I have to say, but I want to make sure that what I’m saying is not coming from the ego. I want to make sure that what I’m saying is beneficial to them, if that makes sense. I’m alone a lot, reading and listening to a lot of masters on YouTube or whatever, educating myself, especially about veganism too; I’m learning more about that.”

If you could catch yourself at another point in your life, maybe before some of these things happened, perhaps even when you were a teenager, knowing what you know now, what message or wisdom would you impart to your younger self?

“Never pick up drugs, never. I was so against drugs my whole life. I had a retainer, after I had my braces that literally said ‘no drugs’ on it. I was soooo against drugs. When I started raving, I was known as a sober raver. I would never take ecstasy or Adderall, nothing. I would just go there and be so high off the energy and the music that I was fine. And then, it was a harmless mistake—I was really tired one night, driving, and my friend had a Vyvanse prescription and he said, ‘Here, take one of these and you’ll stay awake.’ It’s chasing the dragon, I think they call it in China, the opium. It’s been like that ever since. I got that really wicked, fuckin’ awesome high and I was so productive, happy, and talkative when I took my first amphetamine. Like anyone else, I would just take it when I would go to a party and then I would take it when I was tired and needed to work, then I would take it for days at a time. I’d stop for a week, then pick it up again, and then it got to a point where I would use it, at my worst was a three- or four-month period where I would use every day and I would be up for three or four days at a time and then crash for a day and a half. Then, I would wake up and the first thing I would do is take a 30mg instant release Adderall. It was right next to my bed. I would roll over and take it, lay in bed for ten minutes, let it hit, get up and go, and I’d be up for days. I guess if there was one point that I could stop myself, it would be to say no to that one Vyvanse pill, because that’s what really kicked it all off. That’s how all drugs are, really; it’s scary.

“I have a very addictive personality, although I have more control over it now. If I really like something or someone, I spend a lot of my time doing that thing or spending time with that person. I have control over that now, thank God; but, back then, I didn’t, especially when it came to using. I wanted to feel good all the time. It was many things—using with my friends, so that was good, the high felt good, I was making money at the same time, and I was living in a penthouse in Miami Beach. There were all of these really good feelings that I was attached to that got me hooked and, once everything left, I still wanted to use.”

Is it fair to say that Victoria was a drug for you, in a sense?

“Yeah. The emotional highs and lows—that’s a drug for me. When it’s high, it’s great, I thought it could always be like this. When it’s low, I was like ‘fuck it, I don’t want to be here,’ and then something would happen. It was so weird; we would be so mad at each other and then something stupid would happen and we would laugh, kiss and make up, even after a long argument with yelling and screaming. She was definitely a drug for sure. When she was happy, she was the best; she was so cool. She had a really thick accent, it was so cute; I loved it. When we were happy, we were really happy. She is so smart and everything. I was ready to have kids with her at one point. Thank God I didn’t. She was definitely a drug.”

Looking ahead on your life from here, what do you see for yourself? What’s on your map?

“Short term, I want to grow my business to a multimillion-dollar company annually, which I think I can do this year; I know I can do this year. As a result of that, I want to take care of my parents and move somewhere different. I want to have a really good work environment for my employees. I’ll be remote, but want to make sure they have good pay. I want to travel and see the world. Honestly, within five years, I want to have a couple million dollars in the bank and go off the grid. I want to get some land in South America, grow my own food, have an animal sanctuary, and detach from everything, including Wi-Fi, study yoga and meditation, learn, and have a big library. I’m talking in the mountains, away from everything, and be the way Mother Nature intended us to be and learn from the greatest teacher, which is nature. So, that’s probably in about five years; but before I do that, I want to have money in the bank, just in case. I would like to do that right now, but I would just come crawling back in a couple of months I know, so I want to make sure I’m financially secure before I do that. So that’s it: grow my business, move to the jungle, take care of my family, and maybe find love along the way. I’m not bent on getting into a relationship whatsoever, although I do miss intimacy, but that’s pretty much it.

“Do you know what the Bhagavad Gita is? It’s a well-known Hindu text between Krishna and Pandava prince Arjuna as they are about to go into war. There are a lot of metaphors, and basically one of the metaphors is that the chariot has five horses, which are the five senses. Krishna controls the horses, so he controls his five senses. I understand that touch is a sense, and I’m craving the sense of touch with somebody, but I need to control that and get that under control. So, it’s another test for me right now.”

Through these experiences over the last few years, what have you learned about yourself, anything that stands out?

“I learned that I have an addictive personality. I learned that I let things go for way too long. I learned that I need to be more responsible. All of these things I’m already working on. I’ve made such progress, but I also learned that it’s okay to stop spending time with certain people and people do change, and it’s okay to stop talking to them once they do change, and to move forward in your life. About myself . . . I think that’s pretty much it; I can’t think of anything else right now.”

Okay.

“More self-control and more standing up for myself, in a polite way. Like I said, I let things go for way too long. I lived with Gilla for too long, and she was emotionally abusing me for way too long. The same thing with Victoria. I have to learn to recognize those signs early on and to leave.”

Do you have a favorite mantra, quote, song lyric, or something that someone said to you that resonates with you?

“One that sticks out to me is a John Mayer lyric that says, I think I told you before, ‘fear is a friend that’s misunderstood.’ I was afraid to leave Victoria, I was afraid to leave Gilla, and I was afraid to leave Miami. As soon as I did, it was the best thing I ever did. A lot of really enlightened, smart people say that fear is their best friend, and that really helped me. I was afraid to stop using. I was making money because I was using, and I was afraid to stop using. I was afraid of a lot of things.

“Another mantra that sticks with me is a new mantra, Om Namah Shivaya. It’s a chant to Shiva, who is the God of destruction and change and a couple of other things, but change is the only constant. When I chant that mantra (it utilizes binaural beats), I chant it 108 times. It really helps me channel energy to accept and embrace change. Since I left Florida, there has been massive change. I’m single, I’m not living in the same space, and I’m improving myself. It’s a constant, constant change.

“Those are the two things that stick with me—accept fear and embrace change.”

I think fear is something we spend a lot of our lives trying to run away from.

“Yes, and we should be running towards it. The greatest things in life are found on the opposite side of fear. Someone else told me that.”

How did it feel to talk about these experiences and feelings with me today?

“Really good, because I feel guilty talking to people about it because I don’t want to waste their time. But if I’m going to help other people, I don’t feel guilty talking about it. Thank you very much for listening to me.”

You’re welcome. Do you think it’s possible that by sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences today like this, someone on the receiving end could potentially benefit from some hope or inspiration?

“Yes. I think so, because I heard something similar when I was with Victoria, and it was a seed. I didn’t take immediate action on it, but it definitely grew over time. So, I think that somebody listening could definitely benefit. It could be that seed for them; it could be that breaking point.”

[tumblunni]

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

[canaryatlaw]

alright, I’m tired so let’s write. Today was overall pretty good, some stupid insecurity worrying on my part, but overall good. I woke up to my alarm at 10:55, got ready and caught the bus, took the bus to the train to the DV courthouse. I sat and worked on my legal drafting assignment for probably about 10 minutes or so before getting summoned to take over a case from the morning shift that hadn’t made it to court before they broke for lunch. they tend to give me the more complicated cases because I know what I’m doing and I’ve handled a lot of crazy cases, especially when there are kids involved because they know that’s my thing. So I was picked to take over the case, even though there were like 5 other volunteers waiting for assignments. Most of the paperwork was filled out, and it was a super long affidavit stretching back years and years of just awful abuse. I mean, I’ve seen a hell of a lot at this job, but there are still some fuckers that manage to make me indignant, especially when they’re threatening children- often their own children. I won’t get into details, but basically the husband (they’re separated but not official divorced) would regularly threaten to kill all five of their kids, and referred to their one son as his “gay ass son” and that he would “punch the girl out of him” and the kid is like, six. So yeah, that got me kinda pissed. There was soooo much abuse documented though that I had no doubt the order would get granted, so having that assurance is always good. We just keep hitting little speed bumps that would cause a bit of a delay, so we wound up waiting for a while and filed our paperwork around 2 or so. She had with her her 8 month old daughter, who was just the cutest little thing. They don’t want kids in the courtroom, so they had me go in and hand in the paperwork while she waited outside with the baby, and then when the case was called I got her and took over watching the baby. She was very well-behaved, didn’t cry or anything, so that was good. It was kind of annoying that I couldn’t hear what was going on in court just because I like knowing that, but soon enough she came back out with a bit of a confusing answer- they hadn’t actually processed the case yet, but sent her back with a note saying she needed to refile it under another case number- basically this whole big procedural mess about consolidating cases in parentage, divorce, and DV court. Apparently there were a few parentage cases going on between the different kids and a divorce was filed at one point, so basically we were under the impression we were supposed to file it under the earliest case, but then they decided they wanted one of the 2017 case numbers, so we had to go talk to the clerk’s office and fix that. I wasn’t mad really, I was more so just thoroughly annoyed because we had already spent so much time waiting. I’ve been mad at the results of court before and that is an entirely different feeling, lol. So after a little while we went back up to court and did the same thing again, when I came out the baby was sleeping, but after a little while she woke up and was good at first, but then she started crying and I was trying to get her out of her car seat so I could hold her, but the front part of it was pulled down so far I was having issues pulling her out, but thankfully at that point mom came back out and took care of it. The order was granted of course, not that I had any doubt it would be. It’s nice knowing that you have a slam dunk case every so often, it’s definitely not an every case thing but occasionally you’ll get one that you know is gonna get granted, and that’s pretty satisfying. So we came back down and did some quick debriefing, then I headed out. Took the train to the bus, which was super crowded because it was rush hour. I had taken the same bus home over the summer, but I had gotten on the bus further south than I was now so the bus wouldn’t be crowded yet and I could have my seat in the back and then watch it all crowd like crazy as it went north, but now I was getting on it further north and well, it was quite crowded. But I made it home a little before six, and decided I was going to eat some of the veggies I had in my fridge before they go bad. I had bought some kale with the intention of making kale chips, something I literally have not done since 2013 when I was in my kale obsessed phase (I go through phases where I’ll be really into one food and eat it constantly and then one day just stop and move on) when I was eating like, a head of kale a day, lol. So did that, and made a salad kit thing I had in the fridge, so lettuce and kale (plus some other stuff of course) and sad down to watch the flash. Another meh episode in my book, largely thanks to its focus on Ralph, who I am sooooooo bored of. With the whole wanting to kill DeVoe thing, but it being to protect the team, like was that supposed to be character development?? If so, it was pretty crappy development. The rest of the episode didn’t really do much for me, the ending fight scenes were cool but that was about it. Moving on though, I did love the Black Lightning season finale, and I’m sad their season is over now, because 13 episodes definitely isn’t enough. I’m glad Tobias wasn’t taken down and that we’ll see him again, because there’s definitely more story there. The scene with the whole family going to fight and defend themselves though, that was lit (pun intended, obviously). one of my tweets was “lol at them being like ‘WE ARE NOT PREPARED FOR BLACK LIGHTNING, PLEASE LET US LEAVE” and the official show account retweeted it so it has a hundred something likes now and like sixty retweets, lol. I thought it was clever. I love Anissa, she’s my girl, I’m totally with her on the whole we need to use our powers and skills to help and save people, but I also really liked Jennifer in this episode as she was figuring out how to use her powers and really just kicking so much ass, it was wonderful. I keep feeling bad for Lynn though, because we know this isn't what she wanted for Jefferson, much less for her two daughters, but they don’t really have a choice at this point. But yeah, I liked the episode a lot, my one complaint is that the season was too short to fully develop the plot line, and I think a few more episodes could’ve let them flesh it out a lot more and make the ASA more of a proper villain (though I will never be able to look at that acronym and not think it stands for “assistant state’s attorney”). The Pierce family just kicks so much ass, and I can’t wait to see what they do with a *hopefully* full season next year. When that finished I watched Rise since that had just aired. After tonight I can watch it live since BL is over. Decent episode, Auli’i’s voice on Momma Who Bore Me is just perfect, it seriously gave me chills and like, it’s such a good pick because the song was originally sung by Lea Michele, who also headlined Glee, which is arguably a major influencing force on the show. The teacher (I don’t even know his fucking name) tends to grate on me because he reminds me so much of Schuester, who I really did not like lol. What they did do well in this episode is contrast how important theatre is to kids and the major influence it has on their lives versus the lack of importance the adults in their life place on it, saying it’s “just a play” when to the kids it’s so much more than that. Like, looking back at the shows I was in in high school, I know they weren’t good, we weren't putting up flawless productions by a long shot, but being able to have that artistic expression, not to mention making up pretty much my entire friend group, really meant the world to me and I really don’t know if I would’ve survived high school without them, so that hit pretty close to home for me. When I finished that I decided to watch The Resident from the other night. Also a pretty good episode, I liked the whole professor seeing “ghosts” storyline, it was well done and I loved Mina’s interactions with her and the effect it had on the professor. The Lily plot was all very sad of course, and I know they’re probably just gonna amp it up from here, so there will be plenty more where that came from. When it was over I watched Jimmy Kimmel for a little before starting to get ready for bed and here I am. It’s past 1 and I’m pretty tired, so I’m gonna call it a night here. PT in the morning then my normal Wednesday classes, should be good. But yeah, that’s it. Goodnight darlings. Hope you had a lovely evening.

[the-desolated-quill]

The Time Of The Doctor - Doctor Who blog (So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish Fingers And Custard)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Remember way back when I reviewed The End Of Time Part 2, I said I was afraid that Russell T Davies may have set a precedent for overly sentimental, ridiculously OTT, and utterly self indulgent regenerations that are more about the showrunner than the Doctor? Well if you thought David Tennant’s Lord Of The Ring’s style farewell tour complete with stupid choir music and oh so poetic tears trickling down the cheeks was unbearable, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

The Time Of The Doctor is fucking dreadful for the most part. Moffat takes everything that may have annoyed you about the RTD finale and then multiplies it by a factor of 10 before dolloping on a few more ladles of pretentious stupidity for good measure. Combine that with the usual Christmas special bollocks, and it becomes truly nauseating to sit through.

A mysterious signal from a backwater planet attracts an army of Doctor Who villains into its orbit, but before we can ponder on how similar this is to The Pandorica Opens, we’re whisked off back to present day Earth for Christmas dinner with Clara’s family. Clara needs the Doctor to pretend to be her boyfriend (do women still do that? I haven’t seen a TV show try that joke since the 90s), but there’s a complication. The Doctor is naked! Oh how awkward and embarrassing! Why is he naked?

The Doctor: “Because I’m going to church!”

Of course he is.

You know at this point I’ve become so accustomed to Steven Moffat and Matt Smith’s obnoxious bullshit that i don’t think anything will phase me anymore. The Doctor could walk in wearing a bunny girl outfit and I honestly wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It wouldn’t be funny, but I wouldn’t be surprised neither. Because that’s the problem with doing a random, wacky Doctor. After a while the randomness gets to a point where it paradoxically starts to become boringly predictable. I mean it’s not as if there’s any reason for the Papel Mainframe to have a nudity policy, and the characters wear holographic clothes anyway, so if it’s not funny and it doesn’t serve a purpose, what’s the point?

So off we go to church to meet Tasha Yem, played by Orla Brady. A sassy, flirty dominatrix type character who has a thing for the Doctor. Well gee. haven’t seen that before in a Moffat episode. What’s even weirder is not only is Tasha Yem virtually identical to every female character Moffat has ever written, but she also has a lot in common with one specific female character Moffat has written. She can fly the TARDIS, has absolute authority over the Doctor and there’s a reference to her inner psychopath. Was River Song originally supposed to be in this episode? Either way, it shows how unimaginative Moffat is when it comes to writing women.

At this point the thing that’s irritating me the most (apart from Matt Smith) is the whole greatest hits remix. We’ve had cameos from the Daleks and Cybermen, the Silence show up for no reason, and now the Weeping Angels are back. It seems Moffat is determined to squeeze all the scary out of them completely and it’s just bloody irritating. There’s no reason for any of them to be there really and it’s completely self indulgent. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Regeneration episodes should be about the Doctor. Never the showrunner.

And just when you thought Moffat was done mining through his back catalogue of crap, the bloody crack of doom shows up again. Turns out this is Trenzalore and on the other side of the crack is Gallifrey. The Time Lords want back in and need the Doctor to answer a simple question so they know they’ve got the right universe. Doctor who? Which leads to the main crux of the narrative. The Doctor having to protect Trenzalore from comedy Sontarans, Daleks that all of a sudden remember who the Doctor is now thus rendering Asylum of The Daleks completely pointless, and a wooden Cyberman with a flamethrower (I’m not even going to dignify that with a response). Armed only with his magic wand/sonic screwdriver, he must prevent another Time War from occurring. Oh boy. Where do we start with this bullshit? Let’s start with the Question itself. Why do the Time Lords need the Doctor’s name for verification? They have no problem listening to Clara’s pleas at the end. Why doesn’t the Doctor just tell them to stop broadcasting the signal and wait a bit while he deals with the mess they’ve caused? And what’s the point of the truth field? Either the Doctor wants to reveal his name or he doesn’t. He doesn’t have to lie about it. Plus Moffat ends up contradicting this by having the Doctor lie to someone about having a plan. So what’s the point?

At a push, this could have worked if the story focused on the people of Trenzalore. Get us to care for them and have the Doctor form a strong emotional connection with them, thus giving this siege some dramatic weight. At least put some effort into trying to justify why the Doctor stays so long (at one point he says he’s finally found somewhere that needs him to stay, but that’s bollocks. I can think of several places that could have benefitted from an extended stay from the Doctor). Instead Moffat seems more preoccupied with other matters. Like how many regenerations the Doctor has left and tying up the loose ends of his bullshit arcs. So the exploding TARDIS was the result of some rogue chapter of the Paper Mainframe trying to kill the Doctor. So they planned to save the universe from another Time War... by destroying the universe? 

And the Silence are genetically engineered priests that make you forget your own confessions?... Doesn’t that make confessing your sins somewhat redundant once you’ve forgotten them?

And then there’s the whole Doctor dying crap. If the BBC had any balls at all, they would have made this the last ever Doctor Who story. The reason Robert Holmes introduced the 12 regeneration limit way back in The Deadly Assassin was in order to impose a limitation on the show. It would still have some longevity, but at the same time it wouldn’t be infinite and threaten to outstay its welcome. After the Thirteenth Doctor, that’s it. Now thanks to the retroactive inclusion of the War Doctor and the Ten clone we got in Journey’s End, Eleven is to all intents and purposes the last ever Doctor. And yeah. Why not? 50 years is a good solid number to end a show on, right? 

But the BBC clearly have other plans.

A more naive member of the audience might think all the Doctor’s speeches about how all things must come to end might be setting us up for the grand finale to the whole thing, but naturally that’s not what happens. Of course Moffat finds some contrived way to extend the regeneration limit indefinitely. Doctor Who is the BBC’s biggest cash cow. They’re not going to let it go quite so readily. So Clara demands that the Time Lords save the Doctor like the spoilt, arrogant, entitled little prat that she is and hey presto, the Doctor can now blow up spaceships with his laser hands (God knows what’s going to happen when Peter Capaldi regenerates. He’s probably going to end up blowing up a small moon).

And don’t get me started on the avalanche of plot holes this opens up. So if the Doctor never died at Trenzalore, how did Clara jump into the wound in time to save the Doctor? Without the wound in time, there’s no Oswin or Clara in Asylum Of The Daleks and The Snowmen. Without Oswin and Clara, the Doctor would never have tried to find present day Clara in the first place. Without Oswin and Clara, the First Doctor would never have picked the right TARDIS back on Gallifrey (ugh). Good luck trying to work out the Eleventh Doctor’s canon now because Moffat has become so liberal with the timey wimeys that the whole thing has just descended into a mindless mess.

And even after all that, The Time Of The Doctor still isn’t finished yet. Oh no. Instead of Peter Capaldi walking down from the tower and into the TARDIS, we get another sappy monologue from Matt Smith about how change is good and how he’ll always remember when the Doctor was him, Murray Gold goes into overdrive with his violins in an attempt to drown us in slush, Clara starts crying her eyes out for no bloody reason (seriously, why the fuck is she crying? She knows what’s going to happen. Hell, she was the one that made sure it would happen. Dozy cow), and just when you thought this couldn’t possibly get any worse, fucking Amy shows up! For God’s sake! No doubt the Moffat fans were crying gallons of tears over this. I was too busy sticking a cushion over my face and trying to pretend this wasn’t happening. Honestly, I have never seen such cringeworthy, self-indulgent drivel in all my life. They should have replaced this with Steven Moffat giving himself a self congratulatory blowjob. It would have had the same effect.

So after all that bollocks, is there ANYTHING I liked about The Time Of The Doctor?... At all? Well... I did quite like Handles. He did make me laugh a few times and I was genuinely choked up when he died. Yeah, when you’re more upset over the death of a fucking Cyberman head than the Doctor’s, something has gone spectacularly wrong. I fucking hated this episode! It’s infuriating, self indulgent, utterly moronic and extremely dull. I was so fucking bored by this episode. I didn’t care about anything that was going on. I didn’t care about Trenzalore. I didn’t care about the Time Lords potentially returning. I didn’t care about the Doctor’s impending death. I didn’t care because Moffat never gave me a reason to care. As usual he’s more concerned about his convoluted series arcs and showing everyone how clever he is rather than telling an engaging story. And the most exasperating thing of all is this isn’t even Moffat’s last series. He’s still got the Peter Capaldi era to ruin yet. So why is he bombarding us with this fanwank tribute to himself? Are we going to have to go through all of this again when Capaldi regenerates this Christmas? Jesus Christ!

I suppose I should end with my final thoughts on the Eleventh Doctor in general. I think I’ve made my views on him pretty clear over the course of these reviews. I’ve got nothing against Matt Smith. I’m sure he’s a great actor and a lovely guy. I did kind of like him in his first series. It was a nice blend of quirky and serious. What really got up my nose was when they started to ramp up the goofiness to the point where I just wanted to hurl something large and heavy at his head in a desperate attempt to shut him up. He got so annoying and so irritating that by the time we got to The Time Of The Doctor, I was more than ready to see the back of him. And look, if you like Matt Smith’s Doctor, that’s fine. More power to you. I’m genuinely glad you got more enjoyment out of his Doctor than I did. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.

[artificialqueens]

Something Borrowed 3/? (Witney) - Miss Bianca & jazz

Summary: This was going to be Courtney’s first visit to her childhood home in five years, and she’d made a lot of plans. Obviously, none of them had included falling into a whirlwind, summer love affair with her father’s 28-year-old fiancée, three months before the planned wedding. But sometimes, things just happened.

Miss Bianca’s A/N: We did it again, folks! Another week, another chapter - this time with more plot. For those of you who don’t know and are interested, jazz and I have tags on both of our blogs for things that remind us of this fic, here and here. Also, @alaskasthrone made an absolutely fantastic Spotify playlist for this fic, which jazz and I love, so definitely check that out for a soundtrack. As always, tell us what you think - here, on ao3, or through either of our blogs.

jazz’s A/N: More sexual tension! More denial!! More drama!!! Also, thank you x a million to everyone who’s been invested in this fic, it means the world to us <3 Here’s Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 if you missed them!

“Courtney!” Willam’s voice filtered up the stairs, and Courtney groaned, rolling onto her side.

“Courtney, c’mere!”

Sighing, Courtney kicked off her comforter, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment longer as she adjusted to the soft light filtering into her bedroom. She begrudgingly slid out of bed, running a hand through her messy hair and shuffling over to the doorway.

“What?” she yelled back.

“Just come down!”

Courtney leaned against the wall, debating. She could stay in her room and ignore Willam, which was very tempting. But the other woman would just keep calling her, and potentially come up and bother her, if she didn’t go down. As Courtney had learned, avoiding Willam was impossible.  

She grabbed her phone, heading down to find Willam lying on her back on the plush rug in the big, open foyer. Her hair was spread out under her, she wasn’t wearing pants, and she looked slightly pouty.

“What is it?” Courtney demanded, stifling a yawn and leaning against the banister. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, hi!” Willam kicked her legs, smiling up at Courtney. “Nothing. Cute pajamas.”

“Willam!”

“I love those little shorts,” Willam added. “Turn around, I wanna see your butt.”

“I was asleep!”

“I was bored,” Willam said with a shrug, patting the floor next to her. “Come sit.”

“No!” Courtney crossed her arms. She wasn’t usually grumpy in the mornings, but Willam was especially skilled at irritating her.

“Ugh, you’re the worst.” Willam rolled her eyes.

She stretched her arms over her head, and the shirt she was wearing rode up her waist. Courtney spotted the hickey she’d left below Willam’s bellybutton, and couldn’t help remembering how Willam’s skin had tasted, crushed between her teeth. She swallowed.

Willam hooked her fingers under the hem of the shirt, tugging it up a few inches higher and shifting her hips so her abs flexed invitingly. Realizing what Willam was doing, Courtney managed to shake herself out of her trance, her gaze drifting up to Willam’s face.

“Sure you don’t wanna sit down, kitten?” Willam’s smile was mischievous now, and as her hand moved over her chest, Courtney recognized the pattern of her shirt.

“Wait a second,” Courtney said. “That’s my shirt.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Why the hell are you wearing my shirt?” Courtney griped, her voice still thick with sleep.

“It’s comfy,” Willam said, as if it was no big deal. “What, you want it back?”

“Yes!”

“Come take it off me, then.”

Willam’s smile had gone from playful to dangerous, and she straightened one of her legs, laying it flat against the floor and dragging her fingernails slowly over her bare thigh. Courtney wanted to replace Willam’s hand with hers, scratch up the smooth tanned skin and snap the waistband of her panties against her hip.

“Oh my god,” Courtney exhaled, looking up at the ceiling. “Stop that, it’s too early for this.”

“Come on, Court,” Willam said, half whining, her pout reappearing. “You know you want to.”

“It’s not gonna happen,” Courtney insisted, rubbing her eyes. “Can I go back to bed?”

“No. Come sit with me.”

“I’m not gonna sit with you,” Courtney said, turning to go back upstairs.

“I’ll tell Dave I’m worried that we’re not connecting,” Willam called, and Courtney stopped. “Get him to send us out on another girls’ shopping trip, or maybe to the spa this time. That would be fun, hmm?”

Sighing, Courtney spun back around. She could handle sitting next to Willam on the floor for awhile if her only alternative was another excursion with her to god knows where.

She dropped down next to Willam, cross legged, stifling another yawn. Almost immediately, Willam’s hand was on her knee, rubbing gently.

“I’m gonna need you to not, Willam.”

“Stop being so uptight,” Willam complained, her hand returning to her stomach.

“Stop seducing me,” Courtney retorted.

“See, I would,” Willam said. “But I have this thing where I cross lines that I probably shouldn’t. It’s like, my brand, or whatever.”

“Oh, my god, do you know how dumb that sounds?”

“Also, nobody eats pussy that enthusiastically without wanting to do it again,” Willam added, ignoring her. “I’m not stupid, Court.”

“We’re not talking about this.”

“Okay, let’s talk about how you’re blushing again.”

“Shut up!”

“No. It’s cute.”

Courtney groaned, her head in her hands. Willam was right, she was blushing, as usual. It was hard not to, when the other woman took every opportunity to fluster and proposition her.

“Look,” she said. “How about we just pretend that it… never happened?”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Why?” Courtney demanded, annoyed.

“Because I didn’t get to eat you out.”

“Willam!” Courtney exclaimed, folding her arms protectively over her stomach, as if somehow, Willam might notice how heat was pooling there. “You have to stop! This is wrong on so many levels. You’re engaged.”

Willam slid off her ring, letting it fall onto the carpet carelessly.

“Not right now,” she said, smirking.

“You’re engaged to my father.”

“So what?”

“You’re impossible,” Courtney muttered, shaking her head. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Can I come?”

“No!” Courtney insisted. She stood up, tugging her shorts down to cover more of her thighs. “I got it out of my system, Willam. It was a one-time thing.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” Willam retorted.

“Just let it go,” Courtney said, turning around and starting to walk towards the stairs.

“Wait!” Willam said. “Here’s your shirt.”

Her eyes widening, Courtney looked over her shoulder to see Willam propping herself up on one elbow, now entirely naked aside from her panties. Courtney’s shirt was in her outstretched hand, and she was sporting a satisfied smile.

It took everything in her not to give in again, chuck off her tank top and cover Willam’s body with hers. Images from only days agoflashed through her mind, memories of Willam moaning and tugging her hair and kissing her until she didn’t know which way was up.

But Courtney was responsible. She had self-control.

Snatching the shirt out of Willam’s hand, she strode up the stairs, resisting the urge to look back and get a bird’s eye view of her father’s fiancee spread out nearly naked on the carpet.

“Those shorts really do look great on you,” Willam called after her. “They’d look better on the floor, though.”

Courtney ignored her, rolling her eyes and suppressing a smile.

—–

The more Courtney tried to keep Willam off of her mind, the more difficult it became. Their relationship had been like a game since the beginning, and Willam was still playing to win – which, to her, seemed to mean being able to fuck Courtney whenever she felt like it.

Courtney, for her part, wasn’t entirely sure she was capable of continuing to play.

After another encounter downstairs, this time in her father’s presence, a frazzled Courtney had resorted to taking a cold shower, cliched as it was. Willam had quite literally been breathing down her neck, resulting in her body reacting in all sorts of ways that it shouldn’t have been.

She’d been preparing dessert in advance, or trying to, with Dave sitting at the bar and reading a newspaper. Apparently deciding that the way she was cutting the peaches wasn’t efficient, Willam had come up behind her to demonstrate, her chest pressing to Courtney’s back and hands covering hers.

Courtney shuddered, and turned the water colder.

She could still taste peach juice from the slice Willam had fed her, watching her lips hungrily, before licking off her own fingers.

Dave, meanwhile, had been delighted that the two were finally getting along, completely oblivious to the fact that Courtney was crumbling from the inside out.

Huffing irritably, Courtney turned the water off. Whoever had claimed that cold showers worked was a liar.

She wrapped a fluffy towel around her body, wet hair plastered to her neck, and wondered at what point she’d become someone who resorted to standing under a stream of freezing water in an effort to squelch the not-so-appropriate thoughts she was having about her father’s fiancee.

A few weeks ago, her largest concern was whether or not her luggage would be overweight on her way to Los Angeles. Now, as Courtney moisturized her face, she couldn’t believe such a time ever existed –  when she wasn’t envisioning the curve of Willam’s calves in her Louboutins and repeating the pet names the other woman kept calling her over and over in her mind.

Courtney needed to get a grip, and fast.

She flicked on her hair dryer, and stared at herself in the mirror, hoping that if she kept herself firmly fixed in reality, the ghost sensations of Willam’s body pressed against hers might go away.

She had no such luck. It was like her brain was permanently trapped in a feedback loop, replaying whatever encounter had happened most recently until it drove her insane. Courtney could only hope that, with time and space, she’d be able to kick this phase that she was clearly going through.

She set the dryer down, fluffing her hair. Letting the towel slide partially off her body, clutched against her chest with one hand, she opened the bathroom door.

As soon as she stepped back into her room, Courtney was greeted by the sight of Willam in a thin camisole and yoga pants, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of her closet and humming absentmindedly. She nearly dropped her towel.

“What the hell?” she exclaimed, trying and failing to wrap the towel more tightly around herself again. Willam looked up at her.

“Just putting some crap in your closet,” Willam said nonchalantly, picking up a shoe by the ankle strap. “Don’t let me interrupt you.”

“Interrupt me doing what?” Courtney demanded.

“I dunno, getting dressed,” Willam said, shrugging. “Or not. I don’t know what you do in your spare time.”

“Get out of my room!”

Willam rolled her eyes, and leaned back on her hands, giving Courtney a look.

“Alright, well, at least look away,” Courtney said, doing her best to sound scandalized. “I’m naked!”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, girl.”

“Willam! I told you, we’re not talking about that.” She shifted uncomfortably, goosebumps rising on her skin.

“You look kinda cold,” Willam observed, tilting her head to the side.

Courtney watched helplessly as Willam stood, starting to close the gap in between the two of them slowly.

“Uh, maybe a little,” she managed to say, her eyes wandering to fix momentarily on the sway of Willam’s hips.

She wanted to move backwards, cover herself up, yell and curse at Willam to get out, but the words wouldn’t come. Immobilized, she wet her lips, trying to figure out what she was supposed to be feeling in this moment.

Willam was in her space now, and both the air and her towel felt much too thin. The space between them was heated, and even though Courtney might’ve been a tiny bit cold before, she definitely wasn’t anymore.

The look on Willam’s face was still surprisingly innocent, and Courtney was positive that it was a mask for something else. Willam parted her lips slightly, her hands brushing over Courtney’s arms and making her shiver again. A small smile was forming in the corner of Willam’s mouth, and her gaze traveled down Courtney’s neck to her chest, where she was still clutching the towel desperately.

“Lemme take that,” Willam said, her voice just a breathy murmur. She rested a hand on top of Courtney’s, her fingers cool on Courtney’s heated skin.

“I…” Courtney started, and Willam tugged lightly on the towel.

“I just wanna warm you up, sweetheart,” Willam said, her eyes flicking up to meet Courtney’s.

And there was the seduction, hiding under the innocence – the slight quirk to her lips, the bedroom eyes. The pet name. Courtney’s grip loosened, and the towel slid from her hands.

Willam caught it and cloaked it around Courtney’s shoulders, using her hold on the towel to pull Courtney ever so slightly closer. She was even more exposed than before, but Willam was so close now that it almost didn’t matter, their noses nearly brushing together.

“See?” Willam whispered. “Isn’t that better?”

Her lungs refusing to work, Courtney gave a small nod. Willam tilted her head, her breath ghosting over Courtney’s lips, and Courtney was relatively sure that the only thing keeping her on her feet right now was the hold Willam had on her.

Willam was intoxicating, and she smelled like sex and coconut, and it was impossible to resist her like this.

If it weren’t for Dave’s booming voice calling out for Willam down the hall, Courtney probably would’ve given in.

“Willam! Come and look at this!”

Courtney could feel Willam’s little huff of frustration against her lips, and then the other woman was backing away slightly, one finger playing with one of Courtney’s blonde curls.

“Duty calls, kitten,” she murmured, her tone almost wistful. “You know where to find me.”

With one last playful tug of Courtney’s hair, she spun around, and headed for the doorway. Courtney deflated, her body already missing Willam’s closeness, her electrifying touch.

“Coming, honey!”

The door slammed shut behind Willam, and Courtney collapsed back onto her bed, her head spinning.

Sleep wouldn’t come easy for her tonight, she could already tell. There was heat pooling low in her abdomen, and she was flustered all over again, still slightly weak from the sheer sexual tension that Willam managed to create with every movement.

Not bothering to get dressed, Courtney turned off the overhead lights and flicked on her nightlight. Attempting to tuck herself into bed, she lay there with the blankets pulled up to her chin for mere moments, before kicking them off of her completely. She felt hot and restless and uptight, and it was all Willam’s fault.

Despite her protests, Courtney wanted Willam back in her room desperately. She wanted her pressed close and invading her personal space, wanted her lips against her skin or whispering in her ear, and she despised Willam for making her want it, making her crazy.

She knew that her pride would never let her seek Willam out, but for a moment, she wondered what might happen if she did.

She imagined Willam sneaking back into her room, quiet and alluring, shedding her clothes at the foot of the bed and crawling up Courtney’s body slowly, breath leaving a trail of goosebumps up Courtney’s bare chest.

The thought made Courtney ache, and she couldn’t help running her own hand over her chest, tracing the path with light fingertips. Willam’s mouth would feel so much better, on her stomach, her ribs, her nipples. Palming her own breast, she bit her lip, letting her eyes fall shut.

Willam would keep her quiet, catching Courtney’s soft moans with her tongue pressed against Courtney’s teeth. Or, better yet, she’d tell her to keep quiet like a good girl, demanding it from her in a husky whisper, lips grazing across Courtney’s earlobe.

And Courtney could be good, if Willam wanted her to. She whimpered quietly, pinching her nipple between her thumb and forefinger.

She wouldn’t make much noise, but Willam would kiss her dizzy at the slightest sound anyway, pull on her hair and nip at her lower lip and make it even harder not to moan. She’d dig her hands into Courtney’s hips roughly, kiss her neck and leave marks like before, only darker and spreading down to her chest this time.

And when Willam finally settled herself in between Courtney’s legs, she’d have to stuff Courtney’s mouth with three fingers just to keep her from crying out.

Courtney snaked a hand down her body, her thighs spreading instinctively, and dipped her fingers into the wetness pooling at her entrance, dragging it up to rub around her clit. A quiet groan escaped her lips, back arching.

She was so wet that it was embarrassing, and she thought Willam might mock her for it as she touched her, fingertips teasing over her hole as she called her princess or sweetheart and laughed quietly into her neck.

Courtney wanted to whine at the thought, and she could feel her face getting hot. Pressing two fingers inside herself easily, she struggled to catch her breath, squeezing her eyes shut.

With the way Willam ran her mouth regularly, Courtney knew that she’d be skilled with her tongue. She’d open her up, have her writhing and whimpering on the sheets, grabbing fistfuls of the Egyptian cotton in a hopeless attempt to maintain some kind of control.

Willam was a tease in conversation, and Courtney was sure that she’d be the same way in bed, difficult and stubborn. She forced herself to slow her movements down, sliding her fingers out of her clenching channel and back up to play with her clit instead. She’d never been particularly good at self-restraint, being used to getting what she wanted quickly, but the idea of Willam teasing her mercilessly with her tongue until she was on the edge of tears drove her wild with arousal.

Or maybe Willam would let her come, and then keep going. Hold Courtney’s jerking hips down with one hand and press three fingers into her with the other, spreading her open, tongue still hot on Courtney’s over-sensitive bundle of nerves.

Courtney rubbed herself more frantically now, every muscle in her body tensing up. She felt the familiar coiling in the space between her hips, and Willam’s voice echoed in her head.

“Come for me, kitten.”

Her head snapped back against the pillows, and she bit down on her fist as lights flashed behind her eyes, her orgasm rushing through her and leaving her a sticky, shuddering mess.

As her breathing started to even out, Courtney slid her hand back up her torso, sucking her fingers into her mouth lazily. She could already feel her eyelids getting heavy, comfortable warmth spreading through her body and a small smile on her lips.

She thought of Willam as she fell asleep, soft skin pressed close and cool fingers tracing her collarbone, light as air.

—–

Courtney woke up the next morning – bordering on the afternoon – with the distinct feeling that she’d made a terrible mistake. It took her brain a few moments to catch up with her body.

“Oh my god,” Courtney breathed.

It all came flooding back to her then, the realization hitting her like a ton of bricks.

She pulled the covers up over her head, ashamed of her lack of control. What had she been thinking? How could she have become so desperate that she’d lost herself in fantasies about Willam and gotten off on them?

Courtney wanted to curl into a ball and disappear. Clearly, she was more hopeless than she’d originally thought. She had no idea how she was going to face Willam now, with all the things she’d imagined her doing the night before.

She couldn’t stay in bed forever, though. Eventually, Courtney knew she’d have to put on a brave face and step back into reality, look Willam in the eyes knowing full well that she’d pictured her face buried between her thighs.

Courtney figured she might as well just get it over with. Slipping on a robe, she made her way down the hall, resolving to brew herself a cup of coffee and interact with Willam as little as was humanly possible.

Of course, the first thing Courtney heard as she walked downstairs was Willam’s music playing from the kitchen. Groaning, she rubbed her forehead, already dreading the impending confrontation.

“Jesus Christ, can you fucking turn that down?” Courtney exclaimed as she walked through the archway into the kitchen.

Willam, who was lounging on a stool at the bar, made a face before lowering the volume.

“Damn, what crawled up your ass last night?”

“N-Nothing!” Courtney caught herself starting to stammer, and shut her mouth, striding around Willam to the coffee maker.

“You sure about that, princess?”

Courtney clenched her hands into fists momentarily, before opening the cupboard with a lot more aggression than was probably necessary and grabbing a mug at random. What was that rule she’d been taught as a child? If she didn’t have anything nice to say, she might as well say nothing at all.

“Don’t break that,” Willam said. “It’s Tiffany, and I haven’t even used it yet.”

Taking a deep breath, Courtney put the mug back, and grabbed a different one.

“Ooh, she’s petty,” Willam commented.

Trying her best to forget that Willam was behind her, Courtney continued to go through the motions, appreciating how the coffee maker nearly drowned out the hip hop music.

“Can you make me some?” Willam asked loudly.

Courtney rolled her eyes, and continued to ignore Willam.

“Rude.”

There was a pause, and Courtney shut off the coffee maker.

“Why aren’t you talking back?” Willam wondered out loud. “Was it something I said? Something I did?”

Closing her eyes, Courtney huffed out a sigh.

“Are you still upset that I had to run out on you like that last night?” Courtney swore she could hear the smirk in Willam’s tone. “You know, we can pick up right where we left off. You just gotta take off that robe, and we’re in business.”

The idea of Willam cornering her against the sink, untying her robe and pushing it open, sent a flash of heat straight down to her core. Furious at herself, she spun around, glaring at Willam.

“You know this is borderline sexual harassment, right?” she demanded angrily, her voice coming out louder than she intended. “I told you to stop!”

Willam’s lips parted, and a quick range of emotions flashed over her face, from surprise to alarm to a confused expression that seemed slightly hurt.

“Court, I…” Willam just stared at her for a moment, before shaking her head. “I wouldn’t have… I thought you, um…”

“Well, you thought wrong,” Courtney snapped. She poured the coffee with shaky hands. “I’m not fucking interested.”

Picking up the mug, she walked back around the bar and towards the stairs, not wanting to stay in the kitchen any longer. Willam was still silent, and when Courtney glanced at her briefly on her way past, she could see the slight crease in Willam’s brow, the uncharacteristic softness of her eyes.

“I-I’m sorry,” Willam said quietly behind her.

Courtney’s breath caught, and she nearly stopped walking. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she continued, taking the steps as quickly as was possible with her coffee mug in hand.

As soon as she reached the upstairs landing, the guilt hit her like a train.

Willam had no idea of what Courtney had spent her night doing, and without that context, Courtney had practically gone from nearly giving in and kissing her again to claiming harassment overnight.

And the fact that Willam had dropped the seductive act and genuinely apologized, just because Courtney had overreacted and accused her of something she wasn’t even guilty of, made Courtney feel even worse.

Aware that the damage had already been done, she took a scalding sip of her drink and retreated to her room, her chest tight.

She’d already lost half of the day to sleeping in. At this point, she didn’t see much of a reason to do anything productive, and leaving the relative safety of her room seemed like an invitation for disaster.

Courtney did everything she could think of to distract herself. She rearranged the photos on her wall, and unpacked the remainder of her clothes. She sat in her chair and checked every social media platform she knew of, multiple times, and lay on her stomach on her bed watching Netflix, too preoccupied to pay even the slightest bit of attention.

She stripped her bed bare, just to remake it with fresh sheets. When the sun started to set, she changed out of her robe and into pajamas, in hopes that it might make her feel better, cleaner.

It didn’t. When Courtney stared in her mirror, she was still the same girl she’d been earlier, taking her anger at herself out on someone else. Only now, the guilt was weighing more heavily, contorting her face into something ugly.

Eventually, Courtney found herself perched on the edge of her bed, frustrated and fidgety. She knew she needed to apologize to Willam, but she was stubborn, and, if she were being totally honest, a little bit scared.

She’d been avoiding her closet, knowing full well it’d be the opposite of a distraction. It was practically bursting with reminders of Willam, from her shoes to her lingerie to the stupid fur coat Courtney still hadn’t been able to lose for longer than 6 hours.

With a sigh, Courtney walked over to it and slid open the doors. As she rifled through the hanging clothes, she could hear the front door open and slam shut again, the sounds of her father coming home late from work.

It was a Wednesday, which meant he’d be leaving again soon for his office’s weekly night out - their destination probably a strip club or something similar. His footsteps came up the stairs, assumedly heading towards his office.

Making a split second decision, Courtney grabbed the fur coat out of her closet and opened her bedroom door. Returning Willam’s clothes was a good excuse to go talk to her, and she figured she’d probably have a few minutes to apologize, with Dave nearby as a buffer if necessary.

She was padding down the hallway in bare feet towards the master bedroom when she heard her father’s raised voice spilling out from behind the partially open door, and she slowed to listen.

“What do you mean, you lost it?” Dave was saying.

“I didn’t lose it, I left it on the kitchen counter,” Willam said, her voice far quieter. She didn’t sound like herself, and it made Courtney anxious.

“Oh, you left it there, did you?”

“Yeah, I –”

“And did you leave your brain down there, too?” His voice turned cold, and Courtney’s stomach lurched. “No, wait, you’d have to have a brain to lose it.”

“Dave –”

“Do you have any idea how much that ring cost?”

Courtney took a small step closer, tilting her head and peering through the doorway to see her father standing at his full height and glaring. Willam wasn’t visible.

“Do you?” he demanded. “No? Well, let me give you a hint. That ring cost more than all your stupid shoes put together, and more than you’ve made in your entire life.”

He stepped forward, out of Courtney’s line of vision.

“And it’s definitely worth a hell of a lot more than you are.”  

Flinching, Courtney listened helplessly, silently willing Willam to fight back, to say something, anything.

“I’ve given you everything you own, and you think you have the right to be careless with it?” He was practically yelling now, and the tone of his voice was familiar enough to trigger very unpleasant memories in Courtney’s mind. “You were whoring yourself out at a cheap bar when I met you, and you’d still fucking be there if I hadn’t taken a liking to you!”

Willam murmured something that Courtney couldn’t hear.

“Yeah, a bartender, sure,” Dave said spitefully. “I’m sure every bartender trades blowjobs for tips, huh?”

Courtney’s blood was boiling. She’d started to think that maybe her father had changed since she’d last seen him, but that obviously wasn’t the case: it seemed that he was worse than ever.

“I have to leave, the taxi’s nearly here,” Dave said, his voice still cold and venomous. “I don’t ever want to see that ring off your finger again, unless I take it off myself. And believe me, you don’t want that to happen.”

Her eyes widening, Courtney glanced around, trying to figure out where to hide when her father left the bedroom. There was an empty guest room behind her, the door slightly ajar, and she slipped inside.

Courtney waited with bated breath as Dave’s heavy, quick footsteps passed. She tentatively poked her head out into the hall, assuring that the coast was clear, before gingerly approaching the master bedroom.

Pausing at the doorway, she clutched the fur coat tighter to her chest. For a moment, she contemplated just walking away, figuring there was always the possibility that her presence would only make things worse. But then, she heard Willam take a shaky breath, and she bit the bullet and rapped on the doorframe lightly instead.

“What is it?” Willam sounded younger than Courtney had ever heard her, and she pushed open the door, stepping inside hesitantly.

Willam wasn’t looking at her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, arms wrapped loosely around herself, staring almost vacantly into space. The strap of the black negligee she was wearing was sliding off her shoulder, and despite her heavy makeup, she looked so small that Courtney thought she could probably pick her up and hold her like a child.

Walking over to her slowly, Courtney set the coat down beside her. After a moment, she hopped up on the high bed as well, the fur forming a divider between them.

“You shouldn’t let him talk to you like that,” she said finally, looking down at her hands.

“Why not?” For once, there was no edge to Willam’s voice, no glint in her eyes. “He’s right.”

“He’s not, though,” Courtney replied.

Willam let out a short, humorless laugh.

“And how do you know that?” she asked rhetorically.

“I just do. You deserve better.”

“Oh, get off your high horse,” Willam said. “I know exactly what you think of me, Court, and it’s not all that much better than what your father thinks of me.”

“Willam, I…”

“It’s fine,” Willam said, shaking her head slightly. “I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Courtney said, reaching for Willam instinctively and then thinking better of it, her hand dropping to rest on the fur coat between them. “You’re a human being, Will. Not a possession, or a punching bag, or a blow-up sex doll, or whatever else he’s trying to turn you into.”

“He had a bad day,” Willam said, her voice small.

“Don’t make excuses for him,” Courtney objected. “He’s been having bad days and taking out his anger on the woman in his bedroom for as long as I’ve been alive.”

Willam looked at her for the first time, a hint of curiosity on her face.

“I didn’t mean to do it, too, though,” Courtney added.

“Didn’t mean to do what?”

“What I said earlier, in the kitchen,” Courtney said, taking her time. “I didn’t mean it, but I think I did exactly what he does.”

Willam stared at her for a moment, her expression unreadable, before looking down at her feet.

“That’s why I’m here, actually,” Courtney continued. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For snapping at you.” Courtney closed her eyes momentarily. “For playing the victim, and making you think you’d read all the signs wrong, when you didn’t.”

“Oh,” Willam said. When Courtney glanced over at her, the corners of her eyes were crinkled slightly, the beginnings of a small smile in her upper lip.

“I don’t know you that well,” Courtney said. “And I’m not even sure that I like you very much.”

The smile widened, and Willam looked over at her again.

“But I do know that you’re smart,” Courtney said seriously. “And independent. And charming, when you want to be.”

Willam nodded slightly, crossing her legs at the ankles and swinging her feet a little.

“And you’re definitely worth more than a fucking shiny rock,” Courtney finished, biting out the last words. “No matter how big and fancy looking it is.”

Lifting her hand from her lap, Willam rested it on top of Courtney’s where it lay on the coat. Courtney nearly jumped, her gaze darting up to meet Willam’s. The spark that had been missing from Willam’s eyes was returning, her smile soft and the farthest thing from dangerous.

After a long moment, they pulled their hands away simultaneously, noticing the palpable shift in the mood. Willam cleared her throat.

“I should probably go get that dumb rock, before I forget,” Willam said.

“And I should probably leave your bedroom,” Courtney added, rubbing the back of her neck.

Sliding off the bed, Willam got to her feet, tugging down the hem of her negligee. Courtney hopped down as well, and before she could leave, Willam was pressing the fur coat into her arms.

“Um, goodnight,” Courtney said, awkwardly hugging the coat to her chest and heading for the door.

“Goodnight, Courtney.”

It wasn’t until Courtney had returned to her bedroom that she remembered the coat wasn’t hers, and that the whole reason she’d gone to visit Willam in the first place was to take it back. The other woman had managed to get it into Courtney’s room again, without even having to do the work herself.

She hung it back up in her closet with a slightly exasperated smile on her face, discovering that she didn’t really mind at all.

[stray-tori]

| 2017 Personal Rewind |

for two hours over here, actually. But it’s time for me to ramble about it! But I won’t make you scroll over it for an endless time, instead I’m offering you to read it by clicking keep reading ;)

FANDOMS

Okay, so fandom-wise, this year has been quite Cartoon-dominated. I think I watched like 10 cartoons, but only 2 anime. And that’s with someone who actually called cartoons out for how childish they can be and how they don’t fit my humour (I’m all about them anime-humour apparantly). So I myself was surprised when I noticed how many cartoons I watched this year:

Steven Universe I watched this one before 2017, and 2017 had the longest hiatus for SU ever, so uhhh yeah it wasn’t the best year but we had the Zoo and Abduction Arcs SOOOO yay? Like most, I have noticed a drop in excitement, but I still love this show for things it does so I can’t be too mad.

Star vs the forces of evil I am not sure if I watched season 1+2 this year or last (damn my memory), but I know I wasn’t too fond of this show. I didn’t think it was bad, it simply didn’t fascinate me the same way SU did. Even with battle for Mewni, I only liked the Eclipsa and Moon Parts and not much beyond that. In the new season I’ve grown to really like Tomstar for some reason, but I still think the episodes are too random at times and there is sometimes too little connection between them. But maybe I’m just too used to SU being slow-paced that I can’t handle how fast Star is jumping between events.

Voltron I'm not sure if S2 was this year or last year, but any way Voltron has been part of my 2017. I’ve had a phase where I really shipped Plance due to the Ouran High School Host Club Vibes it gave me back when I watched S1 and this year it decided to come back at me.  Else, the material has been great! I love the series, and how serious it is and how it doesn’t focus on romantic love AT ALL. I really like that, even if I started this Section with saying what I shipped. I’m so hyped Matt is back and the Keith almost-sacrifice scene really got me like I actually thought they were gonna do it. They never get me with almost-deaths. NEVER. 

Wakfu As Season 3 came closer so grew my expectations. When I finally watched it, I was blown away. I won’t sugar-coat that the Time-Paradox thing was 1000% Bullshit, but it won’t stop me from loving this season, even if it had it’s weak elements. But I just loved the rest too much and while I am picky with it, I can’t get myself to not enjoy it (which I’m really happy about because I hate it when some elements ruin something for me). If you wanna hear more of me rambling, go here for the post and here for the s3 tag.

Miraculous Oh I have a love-hate relationship with this show. I can see the potential and all, but it’s just too episodic for me, relies a bit too much on the cute love-square that changes progress every episode. The characters don’t always feel like what is established about them (for example, Adrien loved Ladybug, yet in the new season he KEEPS being overly nice to Marinette like dude sure you’re a bit oblivious but ughhh) and there are no conflicts present for more than one episode.  I really don’t like how they lured me in with the first episode being story-heavy and then keeping nothing happening for like 5 episodes. The only episodes I can even remember what actually really happened were “The Collector” bc of the obvious Gabriel-Adrien-Drama, the episode where her aunt (?) visits bc I heard she’s plot-relevant, but I don’t see how tbh; the episode with the Owl because it actually went out of the usual formular for an episode and Robustus because it had some story I guess in the last few seconds.  I really hope the season picks up soon, I’m like 10% invested haha.

Tangled The Series Holy fucking shit. Like I started watching it while doing other stuff and I started right before “Queen for a day” aired, so by the time I caught up, I could actually watch that episode and what can I say? The animation is beautiful, and you think it’d be a cute little series and suddenly there’s death and everyone’s hopeless and betraying and ??? WHAT HAPPENED. Varian and Cass are super enjoyable and I love the way the series is going! I’m super sad it’s going to end so soon! If you wanna know more of my thoughts, go here.

Teen Titans I BINGE-WATCHED THIS IN LIKE 1-2 WEEK/S. While I had to study so yas. Well I have to thank Tangled for the short hiatus I guess, because I was like “Man I need something else to watch then” and was like “I could just watch 1 or 2 episodes of Teen Titans each Saturday, I wanted to start that for a while!” and suddenly I was 10 episodes in. I love the characters, I love Raven, I love Star and I love Robstar as you probably noticed. I was surprised how much plot the show actually had (and how brutal Robin could be if he wanted) and I never really found episodes annoying except the ones that focussed extremely on other teams or superheroes, I’m just not invested enough in the DC Universe to care about these guys haha. I thought S3 and S5 were kinda weak and it also bothered my how Characters sometimes really shift in their characterstics SOMETIMES to further the plot. But it never got to the point that it annoyed me extremely.  Also it doesn’t even feel like “Stranded” happened at all in S5 cri hahahahaha. Also I don’t know where to place Trouble in Tokyo but I wasn’t too fond of the movie anyway so I guesssss it doesn’t matter. I liked it, I really did, but it felt a little too straight forward sometimes and depending on the placement to the seasons, it doesn’t fit a lot either. BUT that’s nitpicking.

So yeah, anime-wise, I don’t even know what I watched this year and what was last year. I just remember Akatsuki no Yona, which was fine I guess. Reverse-Harem for the win! Though it’s the first time I actually found the main love interest so unlikeable I ended up rooting for someone else completely even though I know who was going to be end-game. I’m honestly just sick of these man-ly, seducing men who play hard and are all like STRANGE honestly?? Like I wouldn’t want to be treated like he treats Yona. I ended up really liking her and the guy who looks like a girl (Yoon) together; I just loved how Yona influenced him and made him stand up for them on the boat and everything.

PERSONAL LIFE

 This year, especially the second half, has been quite hard on me. My family has been horrible the whole year and I finally feel like it gets to me. I’m just... tired. I’m just numb. I’m so good at pretending I’m happy --- even to myself. But it tired me out and I finally start to notice it. I’m selfish, I know that, but I couldn’t even get myself to be sad - and that’s... an excuse. I know that. I just don’t want to actually be sad. I wanna enjoy my life, I don’t wanna drag myself down, but where did get me?

Anyway, on a more friends-based level, I guess it went good? It was a good year. It was one where I found new friends, deepened some other friendships... and feel like I’ve lost another one... Maybe some of you noticed the time when I got together with a friend for a short amount of time because we both felt like it was where we wanted to go. It went good, really good - at least that’s what I thought. It was slow sure, but for the most part I realized that what I really want is someone close, not necessarily a romantic interest.

More or less out of the blue that ended per text message. And after that, I half fell apart and half felt like it was no problem. And then I really began to get socially paranoid. I was paranoid before, don’t get me wrong. But suddenly I felt like everyone (especially he) was avoiding me, like they pretended to like me. And always when I wanted to express it to him, it stopped. It was like he was playing with me, but I know it couldn’t have been that, because he couldn’t read my thoughts after all. It got better in like November/December too and I hope it stays that way, and maybe one year to do in 2018 is to actually address my feelings -- even if it may end up making everything even more awkward and maybe ruining how good we have gotten.

On the bright side, I’ve gotten closer to two other friends and have made like 3 new friends this year whom I hope to grow closer to in 2018. 

ALL IN ALL

I can’t say this has been the best year, especially the second half. There were too many self-doubts, too many crisis, too many thoughts I’d like to stop, too much school-stress and too much emotional garbage. But at the same time, there was many to balance it out. Most of that being friends, old and new ones.  

[doktorpeace]

in Persona 5 for me it’s July 11th, meaning I’m exactly 3 months into the game. I’m going to assume I’m getting to about the third way point, both previous games lasted 9-10 months and I’ll assume this one will last until January on the end game Calendar. Here’s my thoughts so far, spoilers inside:

Well I’ve spent a clean 44 hours on the game already so there’s that. I haven’t even been fucking around a lot, I completed Madarame’s Palace in just the 3 required visits and I completely cleaned out Kaneshiro’s Palace in just one discounting Makoto’s joining visit and the re-visit to defeat the boss. I’m really digging the story so far, it feels well paced and everything’s progressing at a reasonable, steady rate but the tension keeps building. It also REALLY breaks tradition, but in ways I’m finding refreshing. I’ve already formed my Judgement Confidant in spite of being only a third(ish?) of the way into the game, and I’ve formed a Confidant relationship with someone I know WILL be a party member even when he’s not a party member yet. Though I don’t trust Akechi as far as I could throw him. I’ll have to play farther into the story to write a real feeling piece about it, I’ll probably do that once I complete the game. Igor’s got me scared though, and I really loved and trusted Igor wholly in the last two games. My social stats are progressing well, I’m at rank 4 on Knowledge, 3 on Guts (promoting to 4 soon I think), 3 on Charm, 2 on Kindness, and 2 on Proficiency (also promoting soon). I knew Knowledge and Guts would be the most important ones going in, they always are so I’ve given them a special priority. So far I love this game, it’s really stellar and it’ll be my game of the year for certain. Everything works really well, my sole complaint at this point is that one time I had a shadow not join me after giving two good answers to its questions during a negotiation and I wasn’t told why not, but whatever it’s fine. The dungeons are getting steadily tougher and I really like the variety in design approaches they take. Kaneshiro’s was incredibly long but could be done all at once if you had enough items and good enough pacing, Madarame’s required more involvement and opting into scripted events since you had to get stuff done in the real world as well, and given it was a tutorial dungeon Kamoshida’s was also good. Honestly the level design in the Palaces has all been really good and I’ve liked each more than the last by quite a bit. I even got unlucky with some Onis getting crits and hitting my whole party with Rampage near the beginning of my run through Kaneshiro’s Palace and I still made it through so I was pretty happy with that. The main plot and characters are very much enjoying that the game, while fairly lighthearted so far, takes itself seriously and handles its themes maturely. They don’t make jokes about serious things and they let things have the weight that they should. The Party Member’s social links going on lockdown if you advance them too fast to wait for another moment in the plot is also a great idea since it means they can build in some of the character’s development from the plot into the social link and vice versa. This, combined with how the social links each focus on them growing as a person from the issue that caused them to be socially outcast and ostracized in the first place gives it a more down to earth feel. The party members have noticeable growths of character and mindset in both components of the game’s writing side by side, and it’s good to see them finally address this issue the series had been having. Rather than being like Persona 4 and making each of them a HUGE LIFE CHANGING EVENT THAT HAS A MASSIVE EFFECT ON THEIR PERSONALITY but then that having no bearing on the plot so the whiplash of maturity is really immersion breaking, this game’s focus on a more personal push towards growth and change. Be it making amends for past mistakes like Ryuji, finding a new source of strength with Ann, or pushing forward and grasping his future in spite of his situation like Yusuke, they all have to deal directly with what caused them to become an outcast in the first place, and feel like strong bits of development that don’t completely change them as people. I personally like and relate to Makoto’s being about being more honest with oneself and living for you, and not for the expectations others have for you. This sense of giving situations the gravitas and seriousness they require extends to side social links as well, of which I’ve liked all the ones I’ve found. One that sticks out to me is Kawakami’s social link. She is your teacher and you happen to hire her through a maid service because Ryuji and Mishima are fucking dumbasses who want to see a hot maid do chores for them and the situation you find yourselves in is naturally a little sexually charged, something which the game does not ignore or distract from. It owns up to the awkwardness of the situation it sets up. As the social link progresses (without Ryuji and Mishima there) it even gives the player the option to try and hit on her in a sexual manner, but she turns you down on the grounds that A) You’re her student B) the age gap is gross and C) specifically sites it would make her no better than Kamoshida, who was your first target as the Phantom Thieves in no small part because he sexually harassed and in one case raped a student. The fact that the game doesn’t just walk the walk of saying ‘oh yeah sexually assaulting minors is bad’ which is obvious to anyone of decent moral standing, but further drives the point home and WON’T make an exception for you because you’re the player is very good and not something many games are willing to do.  The variety of characters you encounter during social links is also nice, from a washed up politician genuinely trying to improve the world after learning from his mistakes, to the owner of a model weapon shop doing illicit business, to just the guy who runs the Phantom Thieves’ Forum they’ve all got a charm to them and feel well written. One that worried me initially was one where you meet a news reporter in a bar and the bar happens to be run by a drag queen. I was worried cause I had heard this content was transphobic, but seemingly that was a misunderstanding from someone playing the japanese version with less than a perfect understanding of the language. Lala Escargot as she goes by, is voiced by a man in both versions and is referred to with ‘-chan’ and female pronouns, however this is proper etiquette for drag queens while playing their stage persona. Further, Lala Escargot is shown to be of good moral standing and isn’t made out to be a joke, two things I was glad to see happen. This game’s schedule also feels good. Like I said, I’m about a third of the way in and I feel like I’ve been able to make comfortable growth with both social stats and social links, and I was worried about that because the game really railroads you a lot in the first two plot arcs, but it’s working out comfortably. Combat feels really good, while spell animations feel a tiny bit less flashy than previous games I’ve still only seen a handful of them, and the combat animations are all still really good. The balance is great, I feel challenged but not overwhelmed, but it is noticeably getting a lot harder with each main palace. Your Teammate’s in combat abilities they gain from social links are definitely nerfed compared to P4 or P3 Portable, but honestly that’s welcome in my opinion. In the previous games they were flat out overpowered and could carry you through the game. As is they feel like nice bonuses that happen just often enough you don’t forget they’re there, but not so often that they take away any feeling of depth or strategy, particularly in P4 where they were extremely ‘Win More’ mechanics. Particularly the ‘Save the main character from death once per battle’ is reduced to a chance, but can happen more than once per battle if you’re lucky, and requires the relationship be at rank 9 instead of rank 5. A hefty but welcomed nerf that doesn’t eliminate any feeling of danger. Oh also! The fact that your non-party member Confidants confer permanent benefits, some in combat, some out of combat is a GREAT incentive to level them up. I know that I’m focusing on Kawakami’s so hard because it frees up so many phases in the game, not having to waste my own time brewing coffee or doing laundry is a huge boon, plus 1 point in knowledge from lecture (assuming I get the answer right) can be exchanged for two lockpicks and two points in proficiency, or a book read and its bonuses which is a great bonus effect. Eventually she even gives you the ability to go out at night after going dungeon crawling which in and of itself is an ENORMOUS benefit. Finally, as for the party members it’s really cool the variety this party has and their variety of motivations. They’re a very fun group whose personalities work together dynamically an in a fun way, I know I still have 3 party members left to get, so we’ll see how they affect things. I’m just loving how much we get to see them all interact, between how many plot events there are and that there’s at least one text chatlog a day with everyone talking together, it gives you a ton of dialogue with them and time to see their party dynamic.  Ryuji’s a good boy. I like him a lot, he reminds me a lot of myself in terms of behavior. His social link has been a little slow, but cute, and his date sequences when you aren’t actively going up ranks are also cool. One big improvement he has over Yosuke in particular is that after being hit on by a couple of gay guys he just expresses distaste for the situation and leaves it at that. He was uncomfortable with it, but he doesn’t hark on it and veer off into being a homophobic shitbag like Yosuke. But Atlas, blease let him be gay in the expansion I know you’re going to make. Let me date the vulgar boy he’s such a cute good boy. Really though his growth as a person is already tangible, he’s gone from feeling like a total outsider with nothing to work for and nothing to lose to being a fairly responsible guy who owns up to his mistakes. He’s still not smart but he’s grown enough that he’s the party member to remind the others to keep it calm and lay low after a major operation, which is a really cool role for him to play. Ann is fucking great, her force of personality and strength as a character is immediate right from the start. I was worried for her, but she’s an explosive character, a lot of facets to her personality and situation are revealed to you quickly and then elaborated on over the course of her social link and when you hang out with her or go on sunday dates together. She’s obviously a kind, strong individual but she questions her own genuinity and strength as a person, and is exploring different ways to broaden her horizons and improve. I was a little worried she’d be a generic spitfire angry girl, but really she’s only super pissed off at injustice and sexual harassment. A big part of her character comes from her staunch hatred and opposition ‘of men who treat women as sexual outlets’ (literally word for word something she says) and it’s a really strong, cool way for her to be. I’m very grateful for the game’s writing for having such a staunch, unmoving stance in opposition of treating women like objects especially in a series like Persona where fans have an extremely gross tendency to do just that. It’s a good lesson and message to put out there. In other cases she’s actually really level headed and willing to admit when she was wrong or when someone’s outplayed her. I like Ann a lot. Yusuke’s a really deep and interesting character who I sadly keep blowing off for Makoto and Ryuji, but I’ll hang out with him more soon. His circumstances are really fucking difficult, first of all he’s an orphan, which sucks. Secondly his adoptive father is abusive, which really sucks. Third off he’s autistic. Seriously, think on his dialogue and tell me I’m wrong. We directly get the line ‘not many people will deal with my eccentricities’ which is as close as Japanese media ever gets to saying ‘yes I’m autistic.’ His dialogue often hints to how people ostracize him for being autistic even though he’s a great guy and I’m sure it’ll come up in his social link in the future. I’m glad the game paints it as a negative thing for society to treat him bad and not that it’s bad he’s autistic, it’d be very easy to slip into that but they haven’t fucked up yet. And finally, he’s fuckin gay dude. Don’t fight me on this one, I know a gay when I see one. He specifically dodges the idea of being attracted to Ann ‘as a member of the opposite sex’ and the way he says it isn’t ‘oh I’m interesting in girls, just not Ann’ it’s much more ‘I’m not interested in girl, and thus not interested in Ann.’ He’s got a lot going against him, but unlike with Kanji nobody acts like it’s weird he isn’t attracted to Ann (though Ryuji will rib the player for saying the same thing) and everybody’s doing their best to be supportive of him. I’m excited to see more of his character and see how he overcomes the ways society is stacked against him. You can even take him on dates and he comments that it looks like you’re lovers. I hope he gets a nice boyfriend. (also atlus please make him a romance option in the expansion as well.) Finally Makoto is the character I’ve most been suspicious of how she fits in. She’s an honor student, lives in a nice house, has a sister in a high paying job, was born into a good family, what’s bad about her life? Well, she’s outcast from the average student because she’s ‘just a robot’ and she has these obscene expectations thrust upon her, yet people still call her useless. She has to constantly wear a face and be who people expect her to be and not who she really is. It’s a more subtle kind of outcasting and she certainly doesn’t face the negatives the other members do like being an orphan or having their best friend hospitalized after a suicide attempt, but she’s got her own set of issues which are playing out alongside these things. The game also doesn’t frame her situation as equally bad, it’s just a very stressful, difficult situation for her and she really needs an outlet and somewhere she can genuinely just be herself. The fact that her rebellion is just having a space to express herself normally in is kind of fucked up, she had a really suffocating life and now she doesn’t and I like that. Her Confidant relationship is also really fun so far, I like Makoto even if she’s not an outcast in as strong or the same kind of way as everyone else. I don’t have a lot to say about Morgana so far. I like him, he’s an enormous step up from Teddie, but I think I’ll only be able to write how I really feel about him once the game is over. All in all I fucking love this game and it’s a huge improvement over all of Atlus’ old products in all the ways I’d hope it would be. I’d still prefer there be a gay romance option in the game, but the fact that you can take guys on dates and that you have a gay party member who isn’t treated as weird for it is great. 10/10, my personal game of the year already.

[burndownthehousetonight]

((With how this @oxidethehedgehog plot is progressing, that 70s punk AU banner is a bit of a misnomer at this point ;r))

It was winter again. Winters were never good in Manic's house. It was fine most of the year, but there was no kind of heating system, and they had to rely on an old space heater. But they were happy. Manic and Oxide had never really left their honeymoon phase, since there never really was a honeymoon. Just because their marriage hadn't been official didn't mean it wasn't real to the two of them. Besides, it was Christmas, and the married couple and their boyfriend were all sitting together. Manic's gift was small, wrapped in newspaper shoddily. A small ring box containing a simple silver ring, with a tiny skull shape engraved on it. "Remember how Rouge stole the first wedding ring I got you?" Manic was huddled up under the blanket from his van. "I managed to get it back from her. Merry Christmas, babe." "Aw thanks Manic~" Oxi cooed, giving Manic a kiss before handing him his present. It was slim, it certainly didn't have anything bulky inside. Inside was a pair of drum sticks. "Remember how practically all the time you'd always break your sticks from hitting them so hard, or how at times they'd sound too weak?" Oxi asked. These sticks were extra durable, wouldn't look like they went through a wheat thresher after a single show, and they had no ends on the sticks. "Duuude," Manic said, spinning the metal sticks around in his hand. They felt much more solid than usual. "Thanks, dude, these are awesome!" He held them in one hand and whapped them against the palm of his other. Yep, these were gonna work just fine. "Oh yeah, Scourge?" Manic handed over one more gift to Scourge. "Merry Christmas, mate." It wasn't a ring like Oxide got. Actually, it looked like a proper set of brass knuckles! He slipped them over his fingers. A perfect fit. "Thanks, kid." He said simply, looking over the glisten. He scooted over and wrapped one arm around Manic, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Oxi then remembered, he had a gift for the both of them. "Oh yah, that's right." He got up and went to go upstairs. "Don't come upstairs till I say you can alright~?" He blew a kiss before walking up the stairs to the 2nd floor. 10 minutes later, Manic and Scourge would hear Oxi calling for the 2 of them to come up. For a kiss that wasn't supposed to last too long, Scourge was getting awfully grabby and intense. But the yell for them both got them to stop making out finally. "Well damn, you're impatient," Manic smarmed at Scourge, not minding the attention. "Save some for Oxi, at least." "Why should I?~" Scourge joked, following Manic as the two went up the back stairway. Oxi was naked, minus a ribbon wrapped around his chest and arms, along with his legs tied together, cutting off all movement. He looked like he wanted to have a good time between the 2 of them. "Kinky kid..." Scourge grunted out, immediately leaning down and grinning right next to his face. "Let's make these a little tighter. And that was normal for them. They all knew more or less what to expect... but they didn't mind the gift either way. "How'd you even wrap these so tight?" Manic said as he helped Oxide out of ribbons, after everything they'd done. "We're keeping these... I might wanna try that out~" But Manic only curled up to Oxide's side as him and Scourge kept making out. It seemed Scourge was just as controlling with Oxide. "Didn't think you'd wanna do that sober," Scourge joked as he nibbled on Oxide's cheek. "Surprised you ain't drunk right now." Oxi rolled his eyes. "Oh stop it." He then changed his mood drastically. "Now fuck me till I'm begging you to stop~ both of you" He growled, he looked like he wouldn't be taking no for an answer on this one. Again, just as they'd expected. They'd take any chance they could to sleep together. It was all about balance. Finding a way to entertain each other without leaving anyone out. And they practically had it down to a science. From the sex to the aftercare, and in every casual aspect of their lives. So they thought. In the end, their 'gift' was cleaned off and huddled in the warm blankets by his two partners. "I'm gonna grab some drinks," Manic said, leaving Oxide and Scourge alone together. Scourge wormed his way under Oxide's cocoon of blankets and let him lean against him. "Good gift, kid." Scourge said. "Too bad you didn't lemme give you your gifts~" He reached under the mattress to grab his unwrapped gift. It was some foreign record, all of the text in Japanese and the case completely scuffed up, but the record intact. "Manic said you liked this band. Some kinda... Japanese thrash metal? Hard find, kid." "Aw sick, Yah I heard that the SS tried to release a record. But they just settled for releasing their old recordings. Thanks Scourgie~" He put the record down and wrapped his arms around the big green teddy bear, snuggling up against him. Scourge reciprocated the hug. Oxide liked his hugs, and hell, it made him feel powerful to be next to someone shorter than him. "Better 'n what I got for Manic," Scourge joked to him quietly. "Found someone who was selling rare records. You know what the hell 'Japanese funk soul pop' means anyways?" "Funk soul pop?" Manic was walking up the stairs as Scourge spoke, a few colorful and not-so-colorful liquors in hand. "What're we talking about?" Scourge just grinned and reached under again, pulling out a record in even worse packaging. "We're talkin' about your gift." Manic seemed excited. Scourge, not so much. "Don't really like that stuff myself, but guess it ain't for me." Manic stuck out his tongue playfully, before bending down and joining his two lovers under the blanket. "Thank you, babe. And thank you for the great gift, Oxi~" "Welcome babe~. Hey, play that record, I wanna hear how it sounds....." Oxi was plugging his ears 10 seconds into the first number. He was already regretting the decision he has made. So was Scourge. Manic was the only one who seemed to like this kind of overly-synth driven pop music. He was going to do just fine in the new decade starting in just a week. "Come on, it's not THAT bad!" Manic joked, taking off the needle. "Alright, I'll only listen to it when you're gone, sheesh." And the three were happy together. Three musicians, three thieves, three happy, gay hedgehog. For the most part. Even if Scourge was hogging cuddling Oxide a bit. Jason and Napalm were visiting relatives for the holidays, leaving them with a few days to themselves. Manic knew exactly what they were doing, too. "Maybe if you're nice, I won't play that when we're driving up to that auction house in Norwich. Finally got floor plans, and it looks like a real fun job~" "Yay!" Oxi threw his fist into the air weakly. He then moved so he was in the middle, that way both Manic and Scourge could squish against him. More muscles and cuddles for Oxi! Time passed before Oxi had to get up, he walked around the place and sat at Manics drum kit, still nude. "You sure you're fine without clothes, dude?" Manic had put on all his clothes again. The air in the lower room was coolar without the unreliable space heater to keep them warm. "What, you wanna give drumming another go?" "Yah I'm warm enough~" He said, drumming away. He seemed to be getting much more used to using more of the bass drum, instead of just doing what Lars Ulrich would soon be doing. Manic wanted to turn to complain to Scourge. But for once, Scourge wasn't using the bass, instead praticing on Jason's guitar. He wasn't anywhere near as good as he was on bass, but he was still fluent enough. "No fair!" Manic affected the tone of a whiny child. "I'm the only one who can't play a second instrument!" "That's your fault~" Scourge teased. Scourge was more dressed up than Oxide, but was still only wearing boxers and his jacket. "Unless you can learn guitar in a few seconds." Manic just focused on Oxide, genuinely impressed. "Hey, you're getting better with that bass," he commented. "Like, really, dude." "Thanks mate." Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump! Oxi started playing again, but playing a little slower. He was playing a beat that was much more akin to the older punk sound, and soon what drummers would use for grunge. The slower beat was good for Scourge. He was competent at guitar, but he could only handle the band's usual speeds on bass. Scourge seemed to just be lifting melodies from their songs and taking away some of the extra notes, practicing the same bars over and over as Oxide focused on his bass drumming. Manic seemed amused and just a bit tipsy watching his husband and boyfriend play. He sat against the wall, sipping his lemon vodka and watching the two show off. "Hey Manic...I don't think I've ever actually seen you get wasted, like, wasted like me and Scourge." Oxi noted, stopping his playing of the skins as he looked over. "Have you ever seen him get like really wasted?" Oxi asked Scourge, looking over to the darker green hog. "Hm... How much do you drink, anyways?" Scourge asked Manic. "Never enough to get wasted," Manic admitted. "I'll get kinda drunk, but I ain't losing control. I dunno how annoying I'd be." He took another drink from the bottle to punctuate his point. "Come on, you wouldn't be annoying~" Oxi looked at Scourge, seeing if he wanted to get in on the plan to see how wasted Manic could truly get. "I'm always annoying," Manic shot back. "Then what's the harm?" Scourge schmoozed at him. "You've seen us wasted, what're we gonna do? It's Christmas, you've gotta celebrate a little~" Scourge was now wrapping his arm around Manic, pleading him to sip. "Come on, chug it for us." He motioned for Oxide to move in. Maybe they could pressure him into drinking it all. "Chug it man, whats the harm? Who needs a liver and a pair of kidneys anyways?" Oxi joked, wrapping his own arm around Manic as well. "Come ooooonnn dooood~" Manic felt like he didn't have a choice. Both partners were making him, one was barely clothed, one not clothed at all, and before he knew it, he was feeling more harsh vodka going down his throat... ... It didn't take long for them to pressure Manic passed his usual drunkenness. As far passed as they could get him to go. His face was read and always smiling, and his laugh had gone strangely quiet. He wasn't joking around or smiling, more just sitting still and constantly fumbling out words. He wasn't half as energized as he thought he would be. He was actually slow. Slow and relaxed and perfectly happy leaning against the wall of the building with his lovers kissing him and poking fun at him. "Hey pass me some of that man." Oxi smiled, cracking open a fruity alcoholic beverage. Shotgunning it and burping it a little. "Whoops, 'scuse me~" He said, giving Manic a kiss and handing Scourge a MANLY DRINK! For once, Oxide and Scourge were only buzzed while Manic was utterly plastered and leaning into the kiss, grinning ear to ear and leaning into Oxide's kiss like a dog getting it's ears scratched. Scourge just glared. There was something more serious about their relationship now that they had those rings... And he made sure they knew. Scourge pulled Manic into a suddenly intense kiss, both arms tight around him and greedily held away from Oxide. Oxi grumbled, but didn't do anything other than that.... Ok well, he did flop onto the 2, causing them both to fall. Now Oxi had both Manic and Scourge all to himself. Scourge still kept most of his attention on trying to break in and kiss Manic, but Manic didn't care, And as day turned to night, the three lay where they were, kissing one another again and again between drinks until all three were plastered and kissing terribly. ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ "Oh god, I feel like my head's gonna explode." Manic groaned as he finally woke up late that next morning, the three still laying on the floor of the practice space. Oxi was soon to follow. "Stop talking Manic....my heads....fuckin'......ugh..." He fell back, which caused him to hit his head a little. "Ow....ow....." Oxi groaned in pain, rolling over to hug Scourge. Scourge didn't deny either of them the chance to cuddle, and even though he was the least hungover of the three, he still wasn't in the mood for nonsense. "God damnit... I'm never doing that again." He grumbled and tiredly clutched to Scourge. "Mine..." "Don't even wanna grab water," Scourge mumbled, "Just kinda wanna lay here and die..." "Me too....Hey Manic...come over here and die with us...." Oxi said tiredly, not wanting to move. "Mmmeeeeeh." Manic grumbled out, barely moving. He flumped heaving onto Scourge's chest, giving him enough space to clutch to Oxide with his right arm. "Fuck you guys, this feels like hell." It would take a long morning before Scourge would stand up and final get water, quick to come back and cuddle up to Manic again. The three more or less sat around all morning, sometimes lazily plucking away at guitar strings while they woke up and tried to drink enough water to get over their hangovers. "Ugh....even with all that drunk sex.....it wasn't worth it......oh dear god!" Oxi turned over, far enough from the group and hurled up everywhere. After he was done, he wiped his mouth, put on some pants, shirt and shoes and walked out. "I'm gonna get some food from that burger joint, I hear that its basically a full on converted club at this point, manager doesn't mind since shes making a pretty good profit out of all of it." Oxi smirked. "Be back in 30 minutes guys...." He waved before walking off Manic and Scourge seemed more concerned with the puke. "Fuuuck..." Manic groaned, but it forced him to get up at least. It wasn't done professionally at all. An old towel that had laying around, some water splashed on the floor, and a large, random splatter of the expired baking soda they kept just for situations like this. Scourge and Manic sat down on the counter, both getting their clothes back on while they munched on chips for their breakfast. "How do you drink this much?" Manic was still holding his head. "Feels like someone drove a lorry into my brain." Scourge just grunted. "Always hurts the first time," he responded. "We hitting up that auction place today?" "Tomorrow," Manic grunted. "I feel like shit. Just wanna lounge around or see a movie or... not drive." "You wanna hit it up together?" Scourge offered. He sleazed his hand over to Manic and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "When's the last time we had a date without Oxi?" "I'll ask him," Manic added. "Besides, you're gonna have to work out if you wanna punch out any security guards... if Oxide's coming along or not." "Maybe you wanna watch?~" Scourge gleaned desperately. "No, I want like, fifty asprin." Oxi walked to the burger joint and pushed the door open. He went to the counter and found a new guy there, it was a punker. Hedgehog, purple fur, hair standing up on end that was dyed black, thin and tall. "What can I get ya mate?" He asked, looking at him. 30 minutes later, Oxi got back home. "I'm home guys! Did yah fuck without me?" He asked, looking at the 2. Manic was doing better, if only slightly. Scourge had since stood up to grab his bass and do some practice while Manic leaned against him. "Nah, dude," Manic added, "just some practice stuff." There was that thing Scourge would do, occasionally not even acknowledging Oxide for a few moments. But he soon tilted his head and started speaking normally, as if he hadn't done that. "You mind if we hit up that auction house alone? Me and Manic ain't had a date without you for a long time." "Yah sure, remember, wear a condom~" He said, giving them the double finger guns, putting on his dad voice and trying to act funny but in reality he died a little inside. He walked over to Scourge and Manic, giving them both a kiss. "Can we go upstairs and cuddle again? Since, y'know, we kinda just passed out on the cold floor last time~" "Sure, but I'm bringing this up," Scourge said, motioning his guitar. The two stood up and lead Oxide upstairs, sitting him down on the mattress and leaning up against him. Scourge kept a lot of his focus on the chords he was playing, mostly just leaning against the other two. "Uuuuh, I can't wait 'til Jason and Napalm get back," Manic groaned, "it's so boring without 'em here. Ain't they getting back after new years?" "Yah I think so. I don't know, I just wanna cuddle and be gay with 2 other equally gay hedgehogs~" Oxi smiled, resting his head on Manic's shoulder. Hours passed as the 3 hedgehogs sat there, cuddling with one another, not really doing much besides that. Scourge kept practicing, and Oxi was groping at the 2, feeling up Scourge's and Manic's bodies. Manic seemed to be fine with the flirting, even if he wasn't pushing too far. Scourge seemed strangely tense. "Alright, Scourge, what's wrong?" Manic finally asked. "You're being weird again." "Nothing," Scourge denied. He went back to his guitar, ignoring that Manic was blatantly not done. "I'm serious. You're getting pissy again." Oxide could feel Manic tensing up. "I'm just trying to play some guitar," Scourge admitted. "You mind?" Oxi got close to Manic's ear, cupping over it. "I think Scourge might be jealous because we're married now. He might feel kind of excluded from the relationship now." Oxi whispered, looking over at Scourge. Oh, Scourge noticed what Oxide was going. "What's he saying?" He growled. "Huh?" Manic was caught off guard. "Uh... I kinda agree, are you feeling left out, dude?" Scourge didn't reply. "Dude, you're still our boyfriend. Just cause we haven't gone that far with you doesn't mean you've gotta be jealous." "Why'd I be jealous of him?" Scourge said pointedly. "Cause I married Manic instead of you?" Oxide asked, giving him a very black stare, not knowing if he was gonna lash out or just keep playing. "Lemme try again, smartass," Scourge snapped at him. "Why'd I be jealous of some skinny addict with a fat mouth?" "Scourge, lay off!" Manic stood up and held Scourge back, stopping him from walking closer to Oxide. "What the fuck's happened to you?" "What the fuck's happened to you?!" Scourge shot back. "I thought I was teachin' you self love and all that crap, what's Collins done for you!?" Oxi remained silent, he was in no mood to cause any fights. All he did was get up and leave. He also took his food with him as well. Scourge wanted to rush Oxide, But Manic wrapped his arms around Scourge and held him back until he was finished trying to chase him. "Really, dude!" Manic yelled back. "What the hell was that about?!" "I worked you through so much bullshit, kid." Scourge shot at him. "What about hating yourself, that familiar? What about giving you a van when you were sick, when you couldn't handle the winter? Any of THAT familiar?!" He was flailing his arms wildly. "Oxide didn't even try and help when I was fucked up, what do you see in that brat?!" "He's exciting," Manic yelled right back. "He's been my boyfriend for years. He helped me through depression, too!" "Really looked like he helped when you had a noose around-" Manic slapped Scourge firmly, shutting him up. He pointed at the stairs, a genuine fury in his eyes. "Get out now." Oxide went back to the old burger place. It was now called 'Club 73', he went and sat down, eating his food. Not really wanting to go back to his place, he wanted to give the 2 of them some space, though he didn't know Manic just kicked Scourge out. A couple of hours later, Oxi showed up again. "Manic?......Manic.......Manic!" Oxi called out for his husband, not knowing where he was. He wasn't anywhere in the house. All he knew was that the van was gone, and a note had been left near the door. "Kicked Scourge out. Driving around to get some air. Forget what he said, babe, you're perfect." The message was punctuated with a crudely drawn heart. Oxi sighed, crumpling up the piece of paper and tossing it to the side. He just sat in the corner, drinking beer and writing lyrics to songs. He waited....and waited.....and waited. Manic finally showed up, relieved to see Oxide tehre. "Heeey, babe," Manic said with a sad smile. "I'm sorry, dude, he was being a dick." Manic sat down next to Oxide, looking at some of the sheets of lyrics. "Don't let it get to you," he reiterated. "I love you, babe." Manic punctuated his point with a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I love you too hun~" Oxi kissed back, cuddling up to him. Oxi was wondering where this band was going, maybe they could get their recordings onto a record label. "We should definetly get our recordings onto a record label. Though the question is, who's gonna want us on their label?" Oxi giggled, looking up at Manic. "No one," Manic said right back. "No one's ever wanted us on their labels, but I kinda like it like this. You know, no bullshit with being marketable or anything, but playing our music and living life out of a dumpster. It's exciting." He looked up at Oxide. Manic was being strangely serious. "Do you like it here, babe?" "Yah I do....but I wanna leave some sort of mark on the world....y'know?" Oxi said, still cuddling with Manic. "I don't wanna stay as an unknown band forever, I want some people to know who we were." Oxide then gave a blank stare. "God i sound like a total sellout don't I?" "I get it, dude." Manic smiled back at Oxide, wrapping his arms around his chest. "I really get it... ..." They held the silence for a long while as Manic just thought. Thought about his choices, being an unknown band who was totally free or having their name in lights... "I wish we didn't have to do this stuff." He'd finally add. "You know, get all serious? I just wanna let stuff happen and see where we go, but I guess that's not gonna do anything big." "Well, I do know of one record label that is independent. They're called secret records, they released the Exploited's first 7" 'Army Life'." Oxi said. Oxi moaned, shifting his body so that now he was on top of Manic, kissing him. "Maybe we'll try there," Manic said between kisses. "Though we should wait 'til they're both back to do it. We've got a whole week to kill..." Manic's kiss with Oxide was more passionate than usual. Not rough or sexy, caring. Scourge's outburst had left Manic worried, and hoping this wouldn't push him into worse habits. Manic was going to make sure Oxide knew he was loved. Oxi sighed. He was feeling at this point, kind of empty. Scourge wasn't around to cuddle with them, and those things he said, they sounded true, maybe not to Manic, but it did to Oxide. They stayed there for hours, not moving except to shift their body a little. "We need adventure, dude." Manic mumbled. He had no idea how Scourge was going to take it, but chances were it wasn't good. All the sitting around wasn't helping either. "Ain't we supposed to be living for now, or something?" He did his best to put on a smile. "Come on, we still haven't hit up that auction house yet..." Oxide looked strangely... not quite sad, but hollow. "Let's forget about him for a bit and have some fun... okay, babe?" ".....mmm.....don't feel like hitting up the auction house......" Oxi said, letting his head rest on Manic's shoulder as he stared into space. Not thinking about much at this point. The two shared in thinking about nothing and just enjoying some company. It was more boring without him present... even if Manic didn't feel like he had a choice but to shoo him out. Scourge was at some crappy bar on the other side of the city. Just drinking and trying to forget what he'd done. These things hit him harder than he'd admit. "...Hello." Fiona said simply. Scourge looked up at her, inebriated and sad. "The fuck do you want?" "Sonic's a bore," Fiona admitted, sitting down on the stool next to him. "I want some excitement for once." He wasn't going to sleep with Manic any time soon, and from what he was thinking, probably not Oxide. "You serious?" She put her hand on Scourge's thigh. "Deathly." She leaned in closer to Scourge's face for a slightly nervous kiss. Manic broke his own slightly nervous kiss with Oxide. "I think me and him both fucked up big time." "Oh well...." Oxi shrugged, he didn't really know what to say at this point. Hours later, Oxide was asleep, and what dreams he had, they were quickly forgotten about. Manic went outside and checked the alley. Scourge's van was still gone. Maybe he knew he'd messed up. "Morning, baby." Manic greeted as he walked upstairs and laid down next to his partner. He cuddled up to Oxide's chest, actually finding himself missing Scourge. "You hungover, too?" "No, wasn't drinking yesterday..... least I don't remember doing so..." He said, getting up, wearing only underwear as he looked around. He picked up a bottle of vodka and opened it, then started chugging. Manic wasn't surprised by this anymore. All the drinking was normal for him. "Let's make sure we're hungover together, then." Manic joked, smirking at Oxide's antics. He sat down next to his partner and relaxed. "You know, I've been thinking... maybe we could try getting a contract with that place?" He offered. "We don't have to sign it immediately, right? We can ask them when they get back from vacation." "Eh..... I don't know.....that was just me talking, I mean, who the hell would wanna sign us? Yah sure the sex pistols got signed....several times actually but.....we aren't the sex pistols....right now, the original explosion of punk is kinda dead...." Oxi sighed, this was true. After the sex pistols died, along with Sid Vicious in February of 1979, punk kinda fell apart. Punk bands started turning to more mainstream rock sounds, such as Adam and the ants and The Clash, same could be said for the Buzzcocks, Magazine, The Boomtown Rats and many more. "I never payed attention to that stuff too much," Manic admitted. "I just always did what I wanted, and if other people didn't like that-" A heavy sigh. "But this ain't highschool. I dunno, when you're trying to survive off of your music, you kinda gotta start caring... but I don't wanna sell out. I don't know... I don't know anymore." He smirked and let out a depressed laugh, pulling Oxide a bit closer. "I say that like I've ever known." He admitted. He let the pause linger as he debated whether or not it was right to ask. "You ever feel like just... dying? Like it ain't worth it?" He said, the depression visible under the smile he couldn't shake off. "I think about it... a ton. Like, a hell of a lot. Sometimes, I just wanna-" He breathed shakily. "I sometimes with you'd just bend me over, right here, and fuck me senseless. Just the hardest you've ever been, and when we're about to finish... I want you to stab me. A lot. 'Til my head's come off and no one could recognize me. If I'm gonna get killed..." He gripped Oxide's hand gently. He couldn't hide that he was starting to tear up, even if he tried to wipe it away. "I'd want you to kill me, dude." "Why the fuck didn't you tell me earlier~" Oxi smirked, giving off a serial killer look towards him. He walked over to his jacket and brandished a very large pocket knife. "I ain't gonna kill you, I just wanna watch you bleed~" Manic looked at the knife. Scourge had been rough on him, sure. He'd thought about offing himself before, sure. But having the knife dangling there, having the smile dangling there... it made it so much more real. If anxiety wasn't already coursing through Manic's blood, he would have been overwhelmed in the moment. He'd leaned how to handle the stress with time. He held his hand out, feeling along the dull edge of the blade. "Are you sure... Are you totally sure?" Manic asked. "I haven't tried this stuff before." "Don't worry....I ain't gonna kill my husband, besides.... I'm not really into necrophilia~" Oxide laughed, though it wasn't a goody laugh, good thing too cause it would kill the mood, it was a much more maniac like. There was something about the danger of it all that was thrilling Manic, pushing him to do more and more. Was he really going to try this, dancing so close to death all for the sake of a little excitement? He wasn't sure what he was thinking, but he knew some part of him wanted to try. Manic took off his vest, and slowly leaned against the wall. "Don't cut too deep, okay, babe?" "Alright~" Oxi chuckled, but it didn't sound like his normal chuckle either, it sounded much darker. He walked over to him and knelt beside him, waving the knife mere inches away from his face before gliding the sharp edge of the blade against the cheek, causing a bit of blood to appear from the small cut. Manic only seemed to wince from the cut. He held his fingers to his face and drew back, looking at the blood on his fingertips. He wasn't sure what to think, but there was an odd comfort to the moment. He was trusting him so much that he was letting himself get cut up. And he hated to admit it, but he was enjoying it. Oxi nodded, but then he wrapped an arm around him, hand covering his face. He then drew the knife to his throat, pressing the tip against his neck. "I could fucking kill you right now! I could fucking do it!" Oxi said in a crazed like manner "But that would kill the fun too quickly, now would it?" Oxi giggled, he moved the knife away from Manic's neck and Instead, gave him a nice cut on his chest. Manic's heart was racing. He gasped at the sudden cut to his chest, looking down at himself bleeding. He could only watch as the knife was pulled away again and blood started to ebb and flow down his chest. But he didn't fight it. Oxide was only teasing killing him, he knew that he wasn't going to go that far. The vague promise made it oddly terrifying, but oddly comfortable. If he had sunk that knife into Manic's throat right then, he wouldn't have objected. "Mmm~....I would love to gouge out your eyes~" Oxi whispered into Manic's ear before slicing at his chest again, and again, and again again again. The blood soon started flowing much easier. But not enough for him to pass out, not yet anyways. There were so many long cuts down his chest, not cutting much deeper than the skin. Manic was whimpering at the pain. The rush of endorphins was making him hazy through pain and strange comfort. He hadn't felt this alive in a while. Not in a long, long time. The more he looked, the more he couldn't tell if Oxide was high or just crazy, and he wasn't sure which idea was more comfortable. "If you wanna hurt me..." Manic said, breathing heavy. "You can stab me if you want... baby. Please- Please stab me, Oxi." Oxi looked at him, a huge smile formed as he brought the knife up and swung it down, stopping just before it went through. "Hehehe~....Maybe later" He said, before swiping the knife down and giving a deep, long cut down his arm. This one elicited a scream from Manic, who immediately clutched at the pain in his arm. This was deeper, much sharper. What was going on, why was he enjoying this?! He was sitting there bleeding and sore, why did he WANT to keep going? Was he just insane? "Are you... who are you, Oxi?" Manic finally asked, no knowing what else to say. "Have you ever... "hurt" anyone before?" "Oh yes, many times, why do you think I carry a knife on me~? But don't worry, I'll stop if you want me too. And even if you don't say stop, I know when enough is enough, I don't wanna kill you." Oxide said, not in his creepy, kind-of insane sounding voice, but in a much more calming voice than before. STAB! Oxi had finally brought the knife down into Manic's leg, going through all the way to the handle. For one moment, Manic could register nothing but a faint ringing in his ears. Immediately, his leg caught fire. Manic clutched to his leg in a fetal position, fighting back tears at the intense, sharp pain. Every twitch of his leg, every little motion jiggled the knife ever so slightly through his calf, only intensifying the pain. He couldn't help but scream in pain - Thank god they didn't have neighbors, or the cops would already be on their way. He didn't know what else to say. Watching the blood pouring from his leg had a strange satisfaction to it... but this wasn't the same pain, not by a long shot. This was too heavy to take pleasure from. "Oh my god...! Fuck-!" Manic screamed out again and again, not sure what else he could do. There was a knife lodged in his leg, what else could he have said. "Oh my god, Oxi- Ah, damnit!" But it was his own doing. He asked Oxide to go too far. The fact he ended up getting stabbed was his own doing... and he wasn't sure if he loved it or hated it. Oxi could tell he was in alot of pain, too much pain to find this pleasurable. He wrapped his arms around his lover, getting his fur dampened by blood. He felt the wound on his leg, he didn't feel it hit any bone, so that was good. "It's gonna be ok Manic, sshhhhh, it's gonna be ok......" Oxi tried to use his calming voice this time, not wanting to scare him more. Manic immediately cuddled into Oxide's hold. He wasn't thinking straight through his pain, and through intense self hatred, he was close to losing it. Oxide was all he had to cling to, and his fur was warm. "I wanna-" There were tears going down his face. "I love you so much, babe, do you wanna go through with my... plan?" Manic cried into Oxide's fur, as much as he tried not to. "I don't wanna be okay, I just wanna die. I just wanna die. Just fuck me and give me one more stab, baby..." "No....I don't wanna kill you......you're all that I have....and I don't want to lose that babe...." Oxi said, tears forming from his eyes as he held him tighter. Grabbing a near by roll of bandages as he tended to his leg wound. The old first aid kit was abandoned with the building, and the bandages were crusted and stiff. First came the knife, getting another wince and groan from Manic. The blood flowing out was making him lightheaded, and this newly fast blood flow wasn't helping. Sure, the bandaging was painful, and sure, he was probably going to need stitches. But Manic didn't object through the pain. Even if he wanted to die, he didn't want to if it was going to make Oxide feel awful. The bandages might have been poorly tied, but they worked, and Manic wasn't objecting. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Oxide." He moved along the floor and flopped down on the mattress. "I love you so goddamn much, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna leave you, I love you. I love you... I love you..." He held onto Oxide's chest tightly. He came so close to ruining Oxide... How could he have been that selfish?! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid... The cuts on his chest were clotting up thankfully, but his chest was still covered in trails of blood. "I won't kill myself, okay, baby? I won't do that and leave you, I'm always gonna be with you." "Thank you....." Oxide said, laying next to him, licking some of the blood off of his chest. "As long as we don't end up accidentally killing each other, we should do that again~" Manic relaxed on the mattress and let Oxide clean his chest. The pain in his leg was so sharp, he didn't want to focus on much else. But Oxide was trying to take care of him. It was both of their doing, and they both knew they fucked up. He looked back at where he was sitting against the wall. Most of the blood had pooled along his back and waist, but the cuts to his leg and arm and the dragging had left splatters and interesting blood patterns. He could even see where Oxide had stood in his blood pool. If Oxide had been wearing more clothes, they would have been completely ruined. The cuts on his chest felt good, but he had just gotten stabbed in the leg. "I'm not sure, babe." Manic said. "I know you don't wanna stab me again, but I- I guess I'm just too messed up for this stuff." He said with a desperate laugh. "I won't ask you to kill me again, but... I need time. I need time, baby." He held Oxide closer. "I can't believe I asked you that, I just wanna hang on and know you're here... ..." They laid together for a while, taking in the consequences of their actions. Manic grew tired of the loathing quickly, and just wanted to stop thinking for once. He reached over for the radio, searching for some station to drown out his thoughts. After hours of not moving, Oxide got up. "I'm gonna go grab some food, you wanna come with or do you want me to bring you some?" He asked, looking over to him. "I need to get outta here," Manic said. He balanced on one foot for a moment, careful not to put weight on his leg for too long. He was limping heavily, but he was still walking. "I don't think that's gonna leave any nerve damage or nothing. I hope. Uh, can you help me with the stairs?" Manic tossed Oxide the keys. "You never answered my question," Manic said softly. "Do you ever get suicidal, too? I wanna know if I'm alone in this crap or not." "Dude, you think I do those drugs for no reason? All that speed? Cocaine? Alcohol? I wanna kill myself almost everyday, that's why I take so many drugs.....if I'm gonna kill myself slowly I'm gonna have fun along the way..." He said, giving Manic a piggy back down the stairs. "I gotcha," Manic agreed simply. "I get it... I really get it." He sighed heavily, but smiled into Oxide's shoulder while he was being carried. As soon as he was out of his arms, he gave Oxide a ruffle of his quills. "Thanks, babe." The thank you was heavy after everything they'd just done. Manic couldn't help but lean forward and give hima long kiss, holding him for support to take the weight off his leg. "I'm glad I get to eat fast food and suffer with you." "If we're together, we suffer together. Give yah a couple of free stabs on me, how about that, will that make it up it to yah?" Oxi asked, laughing a little, even in a super fucked up, depressing situation like the one they're in now, Oxi has gotta come up with some dark humor to help the mood. "I ain't stabbing you," Manic said with a smile. "You'd look cute with some scars... but you look real damn cute without them anyways." He was holding Oxide for support as they walked to the van. "Wait a second..." Manic grabbed some paper and pencils. "Maybe I'll get some kind of lyrics outta this." He said. He knew he was going to get lyrics out of his fight with Scourge, but Oxide didn't need to know that. They made their way to the van, Manic sitting on the passenger side for once. "So music's changing," Manic admitted. "We just gotta find new sounds we like, and... evolve as we keep writing. Right?" "I guess, but I don't wanna change the sound of our band anymore. Maybe a little more melodic, since punk bands are not only getting faster, but they're throwing in fast solos, adding in more chords, the likes." Oxide said, toying with the knife that they used to cut themselves up with. Manic looked at the knives a bit as they spoke, but didn't say anything. His leg still hurt like hell, and that wasn't going away any time soon. Thankfully, Oxide was taking the drivers seat. "Aw, you don't wanna change it up?" Manic said, exaggerating a pout. "You don't wanna throw in a few bagpipes or amateur jazz flutes~?" "Shut up before I stab you in the leg again~" Oxi chuckled, bringing the knife inches away from his face. "Now come on, let's go!" Oxi said, getting in the car and closing the door. At that time, there was another band van driving across the city. A second van that had been driven by the Amphetamines before, in fact. Scourge and Fiona were parked in front of Sonic's house in the old band van. "What makes you think he's takin' you back?" Scourge asked his former girlfriend. Or current, if things kept going his way. "He's a good guy," Fiona spat out. "He's not gonna leave me on the streets. He's too noble..." They both sat still, equally unsure why Fiona wasn't leaving. "You don't gotta meet him tonight," Scourge cooed out as he ran one hand down Fiona's thigh. "Take me out first." Fiona teased Scourge, shooting back with her own sassy grin. Scourge was more than happy to take her out. Hell, he was happy to spend time with someone who didn't hate him. And the van started to rev up again, directing itself to the same place Manic and Oxide were going towards, and arriving fairly soon after. "Oh for fucks sakes, it's fucking Scourge....." Oxi cussed, parking in one of the parking spots. Going over to Manic's side to see if he needed help. Manic was happy for the help, standing on both legs but putting his weight on just one. His limp was less pronounced with Oxide at his side. He didn't seem phased when Scourge stepped out and saw them, but he was taken by Scourge's surprised reaction, and Fiona showing off her legs as she stepped out of the car. As she would do whenever she stepped out, even if no one was present. So they stood for a moment, Manic with his husband and Scourge with his girlfriend. "Hey," Scourge said simply, looking towards Oxide. "What's up with his leg?" Maybe it was the confusion, but he didn't seem as angry as he might have normally been at the sight. "We decided to let off steam by stabbing each other...." Oxide said very bluntly. Oxi looked at the other green hedgehog, towering over the 2. Oxi may be 3'9, but Scourge was pretty damn tall for a hedgehog. They both took a moment to process the information. Fiona just seemed as shocked as anyone would expect. Scourge, not so much. His mouth twisted and turned as though he'd sucked on a lemon. His eyes seemed utterly enraged and shocked, yet just a bit relieved somehow, like a maniac who had plotted a scheme for years but has only just obtained a weapon. His ears lay low like he was concerned, but stiff and straight in total confused shock. He held that face for a few moment. Manic looked back at Oxide somewhere between totally surprised and not at all surprised. "You guys are messed up," Scourge understated when his enraged lemon face finally melted into utter bewilderment. "Wanna see some of the marks?" Oxide asked, he pulled off his shirt, and then tore off Manic's pants, showing the blood stained bandages wrapped around his leg. Oxi actually had some cuts in his chest and stomach as well. Scourge seemed interested in the cuts, but him and Fiona were impatient to get inside. "You ain't joking, are you?" "OXIDE!" Manic said, hurriedly reaching for his pants. "Honestly, I've gotta have at least ONE pants on in public!" He didn't seem at all enraged about the wounds. He held his leg out and stretched the pants up just enough to show off the bandage, putting on a little smirk and showing off his stabbed leg like he was a model. "Vogue." He said goofily to Oxide. Scourge and Fiona just sped up their walking, although they were stealing peeks at the wound. "Since your so into looking at our stab wounds, maybe we'll just stab each other in the cock and ass, give yah a real good view there~" Oxide laughed. Now he was really trying to creep the 2 of them out........ Pull Pants around Manic's ankles again. Oxi was doing this just to be a dick now. Manic glared back at Oxide, thankful and somewhat surprised Oxide left his underwear be. But he couldn't be mad for too long, holding one leg out in his previous model pose and pretending to show off his stabbed leg. They were gone into the restaurant at this point. Manic just adjusted his pants and laughed, happy for their little joke on Scourge. "You're the worst," Manic said, holding onto Oxide for support again. "Though I guess I shouldn't expect anything else from the guy who stabbed me~" And of course, Oxide got a celebratory joking smooch right on the cheek. "That's not how you kiss a man, this is how~" And with that, Oxi grabbed Manic, dipped him down low and kissed him right on the lips. He then brought him back up, winked at him, and turned around to walk into the burger place. Sure, they were constantly making all these surprise gestures, but they were two dumb kids in love. What else were they going to do? Neither of them seemed to mind, and if anyone else did, that was their problem. "You order for me, dude, I'mma sit down and get some writing done," Manic said. He flopped down at the closest table he could find and pulled out his pencils and now crumpled papers, trying to scribble out some kind of lyrics. Oxide was left to wait after placing the order, awkwardly near Scourge and Fiona. They clearly weren't jazzed about the set-up either. It definitely did have a different atmosphere. Instead of the 'family friendly, bring your friends and.....uhh, family here' kind of set up and attitude, it had a more 'punker' feel. Of course it was well kept, but the owner has hung flyers and pictures of shows on the wall. Mainly of punk gigs, along with time stamps of when it took place and who was playing or who was in the picture. If you could look past the punk, it was a solid establishment that still sold good food. A bastion of a dying fad? Maybe. But it was a damned good execution if that's what it was doomed to be. Scourge wasn't looking at Oxide, and they both definitely noticed. That addict comment was still ringing in Scourge's head, and he knew he was the last person who could have judged Oxide for that. But his pride stopped him from giving an apology, backhanded or aggrandizing or anything. Fiona was the one who broke the silence. "What the hell were you doing?" She finally asked, glaring at the marks left on Oxide's arms. "Oh, Manic and I sliced each other up while fucking each other." Oxi said with a smile on his face. He was trying his best to creep the shit out of Scourge's (maybe) girlfriend. Underneath his jacket, a knife actually was being held in the back of his pants, the blade sticking out. "It hurts, but just like anal, it feels good once you get used to it~" Oxi laughed, taking his food and sitting by Manic. It was just in-character enough for Oxide that they bought it entirely. They quietly gossiped something between each other while they waited to get their own food. "Alriiight, thanks, dude." Manic hastily piled his now slightly crumpled papers all together and off to the side, hopefully safe from spillage. Many lyrics had been written and scribbled out. Manic was more picky with his words than Oxide was, and he ended up with entire pages of single lines scrapped over and over again. The only paper he cared about now was the thin piece at the bottom of his burger basket, stained by a burger overflowing with sauces. "Man, I'm having trouble-" Manic was trying to speak with a full mouth and mostly failing. "Having trouble writing this stuff well." He smiled his entirely self-amused little grin and looked up at Oxide. "You think I can tell you to fuck off in a verse?~" "Sure, as long as you do the same to me after, only replace the fuck with jerk~" Oxi chuckled, biting into his food. "Hell yeah," Manic responded. He certainly wasn't broken up about Fiona and Scourge just yet, who seemed to be sitting far away from the two and pretending they weren't there. "I think you scared 'em off," Manic added. "Crap, I wanted to tease them a little more..." He punctuated the point with a silly pout. "Well let's go bug 'em," Oxi said, finishing off a fry before getting up, waiting to see if he'll get up and tag along with him to go and annoy Scourge and Fiona some more. With Manic, it wasn't a question of 'if,' but 'when.' Scourge and Fiona looked like they were trying to have a serious conversation, and even from a distance, they could tell Scourge's flirting kept getting in the way of anything serious happening. Oxide and Manic strolling up stopped absolutely any chance of them figuring out anything there. "Do you mind?" Fiona asked. "Nope," Manic retorted. "We were wondering, where the hell are you staying now, anyways?" "The car," Scourge responded. "But-" "Did they kick you out for good?" Fiona asked. "Nah, he was just being kind of a dick." Manic shrugged off the point. "He knows the deal, he apologizes, he gets to stay with us." "Yah. But you gotta get stabbed first." Oxi said with a crazed look in his eye. Only to burst out laughing. "Nah nah, just let me roofie you and then sell your body on the black market for 10 bucks." Jesus christ, Oxi, why are you like this? Come on man. Oxi had his fun now. "Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?" Oxi asked, shoving a napkin into his face. Only it wasn't chloroform, it was pepper. Lots of it, too. The moment Oxide held up his napkin, Scourge shoved it away, sending the pepper floating to the floor. "Piss off," Scourge said simply. He glared down Oxide and Manic, then turned back to Fiona. Manic waited for him to turn back and say something else. He didn't. "Don't you get it?" Fiona added, waving them off. "Go." "Aight." Oxi said, nicking a couple of fries from Scourge before walking off with Manic. Manic was a bit surprised he didn't show any remorse at all, but didn't say anything. They sat together, finishing their meals and looking at the lyrics Manic thought were too bad to run with. "Don't let him get to you. Scourge ain't too much of a dick, he'll come back eventually." But eventually wasn't that next day. It wasn't the day after that, either. In fact, even as they woke up and waited around their home on new years eve, Scourge still hadn't returned. He might take two or three days to come to his sense, not a whole week. "Fuck it, I'm gonna drag him back here." Oxi said, he missed Scourge. Out the door he went. Oxi was looking everywhere for him, he couldn't find his van....Maybe he was at Fiona's house? Did she eve have one? Manic answered his question before he asked. "Fiona doesn't have a house, but she's been kinda on and off with Sonic. Maybe they're..." Sure enough, they would find Scourge and Fiona, right at Sonic's house on a slightly less shoddy side of the city. They checked the windows quickly. Front window, nothing. Sonic's nothing. Guest- Well, they certainly got an answer, whether or not they liked it. Through some half closed blinds, they could see a chair under the door, clothes on the floor, and Fiona and Scourge asleep on different sides of a guest bed. Judging by Scourge's grin, he certainly wasn't missing them. Oxi was kinda upset, he liked the 3 way relationship they had going. And it kinda felt empty without Scourge. He sighed, turning around and walking back to the van. "Nevermind.....just let them be....." Oxide said as he stepped back into the drivers seat of the van. "Yeah... Yeah, I get it." Manic said. He stepped with Oxide and sat in the passenger seat. "Who really cares, anyways? Yeah, he was fun, but he was kind of a dick, right?" It wasn't very convincing to him, either. The two sat where they were for a moment. Maybe he really was happier with Fiona. And who cared what Scourge thought? He called Oxide a druggie, toyed with Manic's emotions, why would they want to hang out with someone as shitty as that? Who would- "God DAMNIT!" Manic screamed out of nowhere, slamming both fists onto the dashboard in a fit of frustration. Oxi was angry as well, he punched right through the window. And windows wern't just regular glass either, they were fitted to not shatter after a car crash. You'd normally need a baseball bat to smash one. Oxi took a look at his hand, covered in glass. His wrist was broken. He didn't care. He grabbed the wheel, shifted into drive, and started the car. Screeching off into the night with Manic back to their house. The two were seething with anger and jealousy, but Manic at least tried not to be totally fucked up after all of it. He tried to bandage Oxide's hand and get rid of the glass. There were pains that felt good, and that wasn't any kind of nice pain. Pretty soon, his hand was amateurishly bandaged. The focus had taken Manic's mind off of some of the anger. Just enough to try and get back silently. "Fine! Fine, he's a douche." Manic shouted. He faced Oxide and immediately pulled him close by his hips, holding his head close to Oxide's and almost growling the words. "Then let's be so much more fun without him, we're gonna make him miss out on everything." The anger fueled a strangely hate-filled kiss, passionate and rough, but it felt more like some kind of desperate fight than real passion. Oxi pulled away after a while, not saying anything and just going inside. He looked at the bags of cocaine, as well as the booze. ".....Fuck it....." he said before dipping his nose in the bag and inhaling. Manic was used to seeing him snort this much. He had no clue where Oxide got it from, and Manic didn't particularly care, as long as he was safe. He flung the papers aside and let them scatter wherever they'd land on the floor. It was all pretty much useless to him. Scourge had at least taken his guitar with him, that was something. The practice room still felt strangely empty without it, somehow. "Fuck him." Manic grabbed a cheap beer and popped the tab. Suffering while drunk was better than suffering sober. At least he wouldn't remember it. Oxide didn't know what to do now, should he cuddle then have sex with Manic? Or should he just leave, and go break something..... Fuck it, cuddle and sex it is. When they got upstairs, Manic's idea was more of a compromise of the ideas. His kiss was no less rough than before, still like he was fighting him, and the tight grip on the back of his quills wasn't helping. Almost like Oxide was trapped in place while some beast was trying to attack him. "God damnit, I feel like shit..." Manic growled at him, the romance in his voice completely overpowered by fury. "I wanna punch your cute face in... Beat me up, Oxide, I fucking dare you." Oxi did as he was told and punched the drunken Manic. A sickening crack could be heard as the right hook connected with his nose, soon bending it out of shape from the single punch. "Ah shit-!" Manic stumbled back a bit. The initial burst of pain just fueling himself. When he faced Oxide again, there was already a steady stream of blood coming out of his nostrils. "Perfect, babe. Lemme thank you~" Oxide was slammed back onto the mattress, and Manic stood over him. He didn't know what was coming over him, but the next think he knew, he'd given Oxide a square punch to the right side of his jaw. Oxi easily kicked Manic off of him, before going over and kicking him in the head. He then started pummeling him into the ground. It was around then that something snapped, what was he doing, why was he doing this? What caused him to do such a thing to his husband? He slowly backed off, before he began to sob, it slowly got louder and louder, with a mix of 'oh god's and 'I'm sorry Manic's. Manic's anger seemed to be subsiding at the sound of his partner crying. Oxide would soon find himself laying on the mattress with Manic over him again, this time smiling down at him through a bloody, broken nose and black eye. "You're doing perfectly babe." Manic assured him, kissing him through the flowing blood and tears. "You know why I love you? Cause you'll do anything for me... even fuck me up." The bruising on Oxide's cheek was nothing compared to MAnic's eye, but he still felt like kissing him on the cheek like he was the one that needed physical support. "You look cute with bruises." "Stop.....stop saying I look cute with bruises!" Oxi begged, growing angry now after Manic said things like 'you'll do anything for me, even fuck me up' and 'you look cute with the bruises'. Manic was legitimately caught off guard by Oxide's outburst. He stared down for a moment, totally forgetting his anger through Oxide's sudden burst of sadness. "I... I thought you liked the violence, dude." Manic said. "Oh my god, did I fuck up, babe? I'm gonna be alright, I just - I'm sorry, I thought this stuff made you happy!" "I.....I don't even know anymore.....I just don't fucking know!" Oxi then took off, running downstairs. A very large crash could be heard as he grabbed his guitar and smashed it into the Marshall stacks, hundreds of pounds worth of equipment just went down the drain. Manic followed along, still limping slightly and bleeding heavily but more concerned Oxide was gonna hurt himself. When he got downstairs, the amps were already wrecked. He wanted to interfere, but didn't want to make it worse. He only stood from a distance, and hesitantly let Oxide vent his anger. Oxi was going to go for the drums, but Manic had that kit since he was at least 14. He couldn't destroy it. He let go of the battered remains of his guitar, a gift given to Oxi on the summer of '79 tour. They stood in the wreckage for a moment, looking at just what had been destroyed. Slowly, Manic made his way over, careful not to do anything suddenly and further set off Oxide. The guitar from their engagement laid destroyed between them, but Manic didn't seem to care. He stepped over the otherwise meaningless pile of wood and wires to stand up to Oxide. He hugged Oxide tightly. "You're okay, babe." Manic assured him. Oxi hugged onto Manic tightly, burying his face into his chest as his sobbing slowly stopped. Soon, he was beginning to snore after being all tuckered out from the destruction. They'd moved to sitting down in the wreckage and leaning against the wall. Manic gave Oxide all of the support he could and held him close, hoping he was going to be alright. The snores were a great relief to Manic. He was relaxed enough to sleep, that was good. He didn't move him upstairs, clean up the wreck. He just wanted to hold onto Oxide. He loved the violence, but did Oxide really... not? Was this some blend of overflowing emotions and cocaine, or had he really screwed up? He could ask in the morning. But for the night, he let Oxide sleep against him on the floor, and tried to relax into sleep. He fought his stress every step of the way, eventually finding his way to nice quiet sleep. Oxi would be the first to wake up, very early in the morning actually, around 5AM. He got dressed, and went for a walk. Destroying what he could, running from cops and angry civilians. He would come back hours later, still morning, but it had been at least 3 hours since he left. The one thing he wanted at the moment was cocaine. So he sniffed another bag of the stuff. The sound of the door slamming open was enough to wake up Manic. he slowly hobbled to his feet and rubbed his eyes. He'd been growing more desensitized to Oxide's drug habits, and waking up to the sight of him snorting wasn't anything new to Manic. "Hey... morning, Oxi." Manic said. He pushed his nose to the side, swollen from the previous night but at least not bleeding. His chest and limbs were covered in bruises, yed he didn't respond to the pain. "I'm sorry about... like, everything that happened." He admitted. "Uh... happy new years, dude." "...Thanks..." Oxi smiled, giving Manic a kiss. ".....kinda wish Scourge was here with us....." Oxide said, dropping the cocaine bag back down onto the table. ".....Looks like we'll have to get a new amp and guitar.....fucked everything up again didn't I?" Oxi asked, looking at the remains to the night before. "We're both kinda to blame," Manic admitted. He wanted to say something to ease his fears about Scourge, but there was nothing. "We can always get something picked up, dude, don't worry about it. We can handle it. Let's just lay low for a bit and try not to commit any crimes, I don't want everyone on-" He noticed the bruises and cuts on Oxide's hands, as well as the brass knuckles left on the table. He smirked. "Were you out smashing stuff, dude?" Manic was clearly amused by the idea. "Yah....." Oxi muttered before letting out a long sigh, flopping onto Manic. "What're we gonna do with ourselves, we're totally destructive in every way." Oxi chuckled, booping Manic's nose. He winced slightly at the touch, but didn't let it get to him. "Come on, lemme get some not totally janky clothes on, and we can... Uh..." Jason and Napalm were still on vacation. They couldn't commit any thefts just yet if cops were on high alert for someone like Oxide. And Scourge was gone. When all that was gone, they realized just how little they had going on in their lives. It didn't help that they were already getting hit by sadness and depression. "We could always like, see if Sonic's still hanging out with... nah." Evidently, Scourge and Fiona were crashing at Sonic's place. And as friendly as Sonia was, her adoptive parents absolutely hated Manic and Oxide. Manic sighed heavily. "So like... what's left?" ".....I don't know anymore to be honest......." Another drawn out sigh escaped Oxi's lips. "Fuckin' hell this is very quickly going to shit....." Oxi whined. He then got up and went upstairs, coming back with the knife that they toyed around with just over a week ago. Manic tensed upon seeing the knife again. Be sat back on the counter, and sighed. "Maybe we've gotta talk about that crap, dude." Manic admitted, wiping his broken nose. "I don't wanna push you too hard like that again, babe. You are cool with that stuff, right?" "Yah, it was just from the cocaine and the fact that we haven't played a show in nearly a month, I'm ready to fucking kill someone you know?" Oxi said, sitting by Manic. "What do you wanna do now?" "We gotta lay low if the cops are after you, right?" Manic said. "Hey, I mean... new decade, right? Maybe music'll be good to us soon. We could always head out and just... look for labels." he smiled, but wasn't sure himself of what he was about to say. "Maybe punk'll have some kind of comeback?" "I hope so too....I have high hopes for that band Black flag, maybe we can go to America again and play with them again. That Keith Morris guy was fucking wild." Oxide said with a smile. They also looked pretty similar. Orange fur, hedgehog, only Morris's hair was black and curly. "Hell, we barely do anything here," Manic admitted, amused at the similarity. "We could always travel back to the US and see what's going on. But if you wanna go back on tour... we're gonna need to build up some kinda press again. Not to mention find a guitar... and a label of some kind. Wanna hit the streets again?" Oxide and Manic weren't the only ones getting some slightly less unpresentable clothes on, but Scourge and Fiona were doing it for different reasons. "No, no, I only saw him from a distance." An elderly iguana man told the woman in front of his building. "But he had those spiky quills sticking up in the back, and they looked all orange. Had some black jacket, too..." The old storeowner was many things, but he didn't have the best vision. The crowd of onlookers pretending not to stare at the store smashed up early in the morning was stuffed, but he could see one particular person sticking out in the crowd. It was hard to miss someone like Scourge on his own, but his leather jacket wasn't enough against the winter air. In his stubbornness to wear anything else, he decided to add an extra layer under the jacket. An orange hoodie that draped over his back-most quills. The iguana pointed out Scourge to the police officer. "That's yer man." ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ "That was a bust," Manic admitted as they left yet another label building. "How many times is that already?" "I don't know." Oxi said, looking around. He then stopped in horror when they passed by a TV store. Inside, past the glass on the display case, were TVs that showed Scourge's mugshot. The news reporter said that he was arrested for robbery. "Shit.....looks like we gotta bail someone out...."

"What..." Manic was just as surprised as Oxide. Scourge wasn't a sloppy criminal, what the hell happened?! "...on six counts of property damage, four counts of robbery, and one count of assault. Local police have been after mister Castillo for years for his alleged involvement in several thefts, including the robbery at the Grand Kachevski Opera House, and are investigating these old charges further." "Kachevski?" Manic reiterated, brushing his quills back nervously. It wasn't just Scourge involved, it was all three of them working together. "You don't think he's gonna spill anything, right...?" "If he does, we aren't bailing him out...." Oxide said. "Maybe we should go to court and make sure he doesn't spill anything, that way if he does...." Oxi paused, looking at Manic. "We kill him....." Oxi seemed serious. Hearing it made Manic shudder, but he couldn't say he was totally surprised. "I hope the judge is just gonna think he's some dumb kid, but bail's gonna be pretty high, dude. We've gotta talk with him and make sure we ain't caught up in the crap, either." He looked at the monitors. Scourge looked like a punk. Any of the crusty judges in this city were going to be pretty harsh on him based on that alone. "I mean, he acts tough, but I dunno if he could survive jail." "Yah....Maybe we should testify...." Oxi suggested, he wasn't gonna try and break him out. "...the suspect's girlfriend, Fiona Faulkner, is being held for reportedly assaulting an officer upon Scourge's arrest. Mister Castillo is being held at HM Prison Gauntlet on five thousand pounds bail." The report ended, clipping back to an image of two news presenters sitting at a desk in the main studio. Manic leaned against the window, much to the shop owner's chagrin, and crossed his arms. "Five thousand pounds..." He said. He sounded disappointing, almost disgusted at the amount. "If he's getting arrested for summat you did, we might wanna get you disguised. Like, cover your quills or something." He sighed. "You think he's even gonna want to talk to us?" "Well....I could sell off bunk cocaine and the rest of the stuff I have...." They had about 2000 dollars. If Oxi sold all that coke, They'd have 2500 pounds. "This sucks.......So which one of us is gonna be a prostitute? " Oxi asked, half joking but they were in a situation where that might be taken to the next level. Manic wrung his fingers together. "Shit, we were supposed to use that crap for us... We might have to bust out some stripper heels or something." Manic admitted. He didn't want to whore himself out, but there weren't many options he could really bank on. Bank on... "They've got one of the three of us," Manic said quietly, leading Oxide towards a more quiet place. "We're still good thieves, we've done crap alone. We've gotta pull off something big, and if we need something like that..." He huffed and looked to his side. "We ain't gonna find anyone better than Rouge. Maybe Nack, if he's even in the country anymore, but definitely Rouge." "Sure, I like that idea..." Oxi smirked. "I actually have her phone number, she gave it to me for some reason. Maybe she thinks I'm cute~" Oxi posed, just joking around as usual. "Maybe she still wants to punch you for stealing her juice box. When you were eight." Manic huffed. He wasn't supposed to be the mature one, but here he was. "Come on, let's find a phone and... well, let's get this mess done quickly. Sure enough, they found a phone booth, and started talking to her. But Rouge wasn't being too cooperative just yet. "Rouge, it was one juice box!" Manic yelled into the payphone. "You know how many apple juices you could buy with that much cash?!" "I'm just saying," Rouge said, milking his anger for a better promised reward. "He still hasn't apologized. And that's very bad for a girl's feelings. I don't know why I should work with you." Oxi then snatched the phone from Manic. "I'll give you a juice box if you do this.........alright, see you then." Christ, are Rouge and Oxi still kids or grown adults? "So she's gonna come to our house at 10PM....." Manic was holding his face in his hands and silently feeling like he had wasted so much time. "She wanted the juice box." He reiterated, exasperated. "She actually just wanted a stupid-!" Manic put that aside. He wasn't supposed to be sarcastic, he was supposed to be fine with running with anything. "Alright! Alright, so you grab a... juicebox... You grab a juice box, I'll try and figure out if there are any banks we could hit." He rubbed his hands together, partially to fidget and think and partially to warm up from the cold. "Are you sure- Is that seriously what she wanted?" "I don't know, I said I'd give her a juice box and she said she'd be there...." Oxi shrugged. He then checked the time via his wristwatch. "Its still 5PM......wanna go back home and fuck?" He asked. "No." Manic surprisingly responded with. "We've gotta go home and figure out how we're pulling off some kind of high-brow theft." The moment lingered. "...and then we can fuck." He tacked on. ◇        ◇        ◇        ◇ When Rouge arrived at the backdoor,, she didn't bother with introductions or formalities. She held one hand out to Oxide, holding a box of poptarts and offering them to Oxide. "Do you have the goods?" She asked completely seriously. Oxi chucked her a couple of Apple juice boxes. "I can't believe we still act like this, no seriously." Oxi scratched his head, taking a pop tart and holding it in his mouth. "Phoph tarph?" Oxi asked, looking at Manic, pop tart still in his mouth. Manic absolutely took a pop tart. If these two were going to keep up their stupid arguments, Manic was going to get something out of it. "Alright, so here's what we've got figured out," Manic said, pointing down at a crude diagram. Crumbs fell from his mouth and onto the plans as he spoke. "We've gotta get into the main safe, right? Rouge'll lead that mess. Oxi, safety deposit boxes ain't as high security, we'll handle those. Like, no insults or nothin', but she's the best at this stuff." He pointed down at a room right at the back of the building, and held out a key. "Oxi followed some security employee dude home and got his hat and keys and stuff. I'll just pop in and handle the cameras and crap." He leaned back, and pointed one finger lazily at the two. Rouge daintily sipped her juice box like it was an elegant cocktail. "Oxi, you lead us in and take care of any security. And watch out for those silent alarm things. That all sound good?" "Yah, and I also nicked the guy's wallet. He had 200 pounds in there, who the fuck has 200 pounds on them and works as a fucking security guard?" Oxide asked. "Whoever he was, I'm hella thankful for that." Manic said. "We're parking like a block away so it ain't too obvious. Come on, let's... let's get this started." Rouge had wings, she didn't even need a vehicle to get there. But she was still willing to take the front seat of the van, leaving Oxide with the back seats and plenty of cushioned space to spill pop tart crumbs on. The drive over was mostly the two up front discussing technical details. When they finally stopped, they were at a small convenience store in a different rough neighborhood. The ban close by was relatively small. Not the kind of place that could afford high-end security, but that didn't mean it was going to be easy. Manic helped Oxide adjust his brass knuckles while he approached the back door. "In three minutes, take the employee entrance, and take out any security," Manic commanded. He adjusted his stolen security uniform and entered as though he belonged at the bank, leaving the two to wait across the street for Manic to disable the cameras. Oxi tapped his foot, like Sonic did in the Sonic the hedgehog games. Rubbing his nose as he waited impatiently for Manic to hurry up. "Come on, I'm waaaaiting~" Oxi chuckled, waiting for Manic to disable the cameras so he can fuck people up. Three minutes on the dot. Manic left through the same entrance. Rouge and Oxide crept across the street, the two boys taking the lead as Rouge prepared her safe-cracking tools. "Main safe's the only big vault door." Manic told Rouge. "Oxi, there's one guard at the vault entrance and one on the other side of this door. Get ready." The three adjusted their outfits, covering their faces with featureless white masks. Without warning, Manic quickly opened the employee entrance, surprising the owl guard standing right inside. Oxi gave the surprised owl a right hook, sending him to the ground, knocked out with one punch. Blood splattered the carpet, along with some teeth as the Owl hit the deck. Leaving an imprint on the Owls jaw, it looked like he broke it pretty badly, along with the rest of its beak, which was horribly disfigured. He did the same with the tiger guarding the vault. He came running from the tiger's right and gave him a vicious right hook. His head snapped back, smashing against the wall as he slumped down. His nose nose badly broken, along with many of his teeth, many more were missing. Blood oozed out as he slumped down, unconscious and possibly dead. Oxi had an idea on how to put the blame on someone else, and he knew who to put the blame on, too. "Holy shit...!" Manic said, surprised at the punch he delivered to the tiger. He bend down, not sure what to make of the unnatural seeming angle of his head. Oxide could watch tons of stress float off of Manic's shoulders as he felt his pulse. He came way too close to seeing someone die in front of him... although those knocked out teeth weren't going to be any fun to work with when he got up. "Unlucky fuck..." Manic had quietly closed the door, and Rouge was already handling the lock on the vault entrance. Her hearing was acute enough she could focus in on the sounds of the tumblers in the lock without any kind of hearing device. The stethoscope made every sound crystal clear to her. The vault was no match for her. The vault to the safety deposit boxes was a much older model that came with the building. Not quite as secure by any means. Manic started spinning the dial, making short work of the lock. Oxi kept a look out, peering down the halls leading to the vault. He then spotted someone walk over. He did the same, the crocodile hit the wall, his head snapped back as he fell down, limp like a ragdoll. Oxi didn't bother checking for pulses. "Heh....this is fun..." There was a heavy creak as the vault Rouge was working on opened. Manic's vault followed shortly after with a louder creaking sound. He motioned Oxide closer. "Come on, babe, let's get outta here fast." Manic reached under his hat. There was a key ring for the deposit boxes that was supposed to be kept locked in the security office. Picking one hard lock was easier for Manic than these many slightly less hard locks. Rouge and Manic sped through their respective vaults, Manic grabbing anything kept that was valuable but not sentimental. In a matter of minutes, Rouge's handbag was stuffed to the brim with loose bills and Manic's bag with miscellaneous valuables. "Come on, let's jet!" Oxi had stuffed his pockets and his own bag with both money and other valuables. Following them closely ahead, they got into the van and sped off. "Hold on, lets stop at a payphone, gotta do somethin'." Oxi said, they stopped at a nearby phone box. Oxi dialed a number. It was picked up by one of the security guards, who was home right now. "Hmm?......what?.....WHAT?" The fox screeched, rushing to the bank. He then checked on his friends. Then the police came busting through the door. The fox was soon arrested. But at this point, the three were long gone. After a short but fast-paced and intense car drive, (with a brief stop to pick up convenience store slushies and drinks, of course) the band of thieves was back at Manic's house. Rouge might not have been jazzed about the decrepit old building, but they were certainly jazzed about everything they had stolen. "Holy crap, we won't even have to steal a guitar or nothing!" Manic said. "Or amps, or... Oh my god, we're fucking RICH!" Even after planning on splitting how they would split the cash between them, they knew they were going to be well off for a while. Manic twiddled with the knobs on the radio again, looking between the news stations. "...at the Shannon Brook Bank in the industrial district. Three of the guards were found beaten and are currently receiving treatment. Police say a suspect is in custody as an accomplice to these thefts... ..." "The subject was identified as a green fox, who at the time had an orange jacket and blue jeans on. Matching the description of Mr Castillo." The reporter said. "Wow....who would've thought....that he just so happened to show up in the same clothing as you did," He chuckled. A few days later, while in court, many of his fellow employees testified against him. "This wouldn't be the first time he stole something. One of the guys that showed up had his uniform on. I saw the name tag before I was knocked to the ground by one of his friends." The tiger said, still trying to recover from the punch to the nose. "It wasn't me! I swear!" The fox cried out, tears going down his face. "Mister Mikowski, I sentence you to 20 years in jail. You will be let out early if you behave." The judge then slammed the gavel down and the Fox was lead away. It was still another day before Scourge would be released, after a whole ten-car pileup of paperwork. But finally, FINALLY, he was out of there. Scourge stepped out of the prison doors barely a week after his arrest, basking in the early morning sunlight. He wasn't expecting to see the band's van camped out in the parking lot, and cerainly not to see Jason and Napalm sleeping in the back with the others. A half away Manic stood guard in the front seat, perking up at the sight of Scourge being released. "Guys...! Guy, he's out!" Manic said excitedly, shaking Oxide by his shoulders. Oxi slowly and tiredly got up. Looking out the back door windows of the van before he kicked them open and ran up to Scourge. Though Scourge was a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than him, he still managed to knock him off his feet. Scourge stumbled up to his feet, surprised at the attention and their arrival. Actually, he didn't seem surprised. He seemed angry. "The hell are you doin'?" Scourge growled. "Ain't getting me locked up bad enough?" "Locked up...? No! No, no, no, dude, we didn't plan for that!" Manic said waving his hands in front of him to deny the claim. But he still kept his smile, too happy he was finally out of jail. "No, I don't know what happened there. Oxi just threw together this whole scheme to get you outta there! I was gonna get you on bail, but..." Manic ran up and hugged the reluctant Scourge. "Who cares?! You're out again!" Oxi then hopped onto Scourge's back. "Onwards Scourge! Into the sunset!" Oxi ordered, pointing to the van as he clung to him, arms wrapped around his chest. Scourge did his best to shake Oxide off, not seeming as amused as he normally would have. "Why dont you tell me what's going on first," Scourge told them. "I don't know what the hell you're doin' here..." Soon enough, Manic, Scourge, Oxide, Napalm and Jason were all sitting in the back area of the van. Without instruments knocking around back there, it was surprisingly roomy. Manic listed off everything had had happened, and the most he spoke, the more emotion Scourge showed, flipping between amusement and embarrassment. "...I guess he gave him the orange coat without telling me," Manic said, elbowing Oxide. "And the cops thought he was the real attacker. You should've seen how much Oxi messed them up!" Scourge was strangely embarrassed... even humbled. "Why the fuck did you do that for me?" Scourge asked Oxide, uncharacteristically serious in his delivery. "Cause me and Manic love you....." Oxide said, looking at Scourge as he flopped onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around his body again. Scourge seemed shocked at the utterance. They still loved him? Manic was not surprised at all by Oxide's words. Hell, he still cared about Scourge, more than he'd like to admit. He scooted over and put his hand on Scourge's. Napalm and Jason would almost be heard rolling their eyes at the mushy nonsense they were forced to watch. "Why?" Scourge stumbled out in all seriousness, looking down at Oxide. "Because we care about you man.....we don't wanna see you rot away in prison....." Oxi told him, in a pretty reassuring voice, especially for Oxide. He meant every word that came out of his mouth. After everything he was doing fucking around with Fiona and insulting them? He wanted to scoff them off, but Oxide's cuddling was already making him embarrassed, and Manic's sudden kiss kept him shut up. Manic held the kiss for a few seconds, before pulling away and motioning for Scourge to give Oxide a kiss. He stared down for a moment, taking the wrong idea from the motion. And looking away tensely. "I, eh..." There was even a slight blush as Scourge tried to find some kind of humility. "Shouldn't've called you that shit," He mumbled. Was he actually apologizing? "That's alright you big doofus~" Oxi hugged him tightly, smooshing his face against Scourge's, his cheek pressing against his own. He was like a big teddy bear, a big, muscular, sexy teddy bear at that. Scourge wasn't too big on the mushy stuff. But there was something to Oxide's brand of love, almost like it was a kind of worshipful admiration. All wishful thinking on Scourge's part, of course. He was happy to kiss Oxide right back. Manic leaned back and smiled. "We usually don't have to get you outta jail to get an apology out of you~" Manic teased. Scourge glared at Manic out of the corner of his eye. But he had the perfect opportunity to tease Manic for that light jab by holding Oxide in both arms and giving him a real kiss. He glanced at Napalm and Jason, unaffected by their "get a room for once" stares, and motioned for them to kiss. Not as a serious tease, just leaving Manic out enough to get back at him. Oxi gladly kissed Scourge back, he winked at Manic. He had plans for the 2 of them once they got back to the house. Napalm and Jason looked at each other, sighed in union, and did the same, kissing each other passionately. Manic made a joking pout at the sight. "What, you're gonna tease me for that now?" Scourge pulled away for long enough to grin at Manic. "Maybe~" They kissed for a short while longer, but soon, Scourge pulled away for good as he started thinking about his current situation again. "You guys get Fiona out, too?" "Fiona...?" Manic smiled. "No,  no, dude! You didn't hear? She was only given like, community service and a night in jail for getting pissy, she's gonna be fine. As long as she's fine with picking up trash on the side of the road." "Haha" Oxi gave a short laugh before snuggling up to Scourgey again. Scourge was happy to be with the two again. How had they forgiven him that easily, even Fiona hadn't done it that quickly! Granted, she didn't really forgive at all, but the point still struck him. So he held on tight to Oxide and smiled. "So what, when am I gonna be allowed back at your dump?" Scourge asked. "Right away~" And with that, Oxi got into the driver seat before Manic was able to get back in. "My turn to drive motherfuckers!" Oxide's driving wasn't half as insane as Scourges, thankfully. The whole ride, Manic was sitting up against Scourge and talking with Napalm and Jason. "We tried to talk to some labels, but..." Manic shrugged. "I guess no one wanted us right now. I dunno what we're doing." "Nothing." Scourge responded with. "Punk's dead, you aren't getting signed if you don't change." Manic wanted to protest it, but he didn't know what there was to protest. He was still clinging to the hope that someone could sign them, but even he knew that was a pipe dream. "Motherfucker if punk's dead, why is it so popular in america? That's where we need to go, we need to go to the states. Black flag has already released an album!" Oxide said, turning a sharp corner as they drove back to Oxi and Manic's place. "We're here!" Oxi said, getting out of the van and going over to the door, only to find the word 'Faggots' spray painted on the door. "Lovely...." He said. "Who cares anymore," Manic said to the graffiti, opening the door like there was nothing there. Three of them walked inside and walked to their instruments, Napalm and Jason's guitars dusty from not being used for so long. Oxide was held back by Scourge, wrapping his arm around the orange hedgehog's waist and holding him from behind. "Scourge, come on, we've gotta practice." Manic teased, totally fine with their little diversion. "There's no hurry," Scourge said, using his free hand to tilt Oxide's head towards his. "He don't look like he minds~" "Mmm....c'mon...I gotta practice, we can fuck later~" He cooed, kissing him before going to his instrument, an instrument that he managed to obtain with what was left over that wasn't spent on bail. That wasn't a hard thing to pull off, and mere minutes after they'd started practice, Scourge had already interrupted them. "What the FUCK?!" Scourge yelled in pleasant surprise, opening one of several decrepit old boxes they used to store their various goods. In this case, piles of bundles of stolen bills. Napalm and Jason looked just as surprised, and Manic and Oxide could only share a knowing look. "You wanna tell 'em, or should I?" Manic asked with a smile. "I'll tell him." Oxi said to Manic. "Oh yah by the way, we robbed one of the biggest banks in Manchester to get you out of the hole you were gonna get sent to." Oxi told Scourge. Manic slapped Oxide's arm playfully. "Please, it wasn't the BIGGEST bank, it was like crap bank on the side of crap town!" "Still a pretty big heist," Scourge admitted, walking up to his two boyfriends. He was still holding one of the stacks of bills in his hands, walking up to the two with a smirk on his face. "Sorry I didn't get to be there for it~" He walked up to both Manic and Oxide while Jason and Napalm were left to stare at just how much cash the two had stolen. It was a ton of cash, especially given where they were living out of. "I still have the blood soaked brass knuckles if you want to see them!" Oxide smiled, rushing upstairs to grab them before rushing back down to show them. They definetly were covered in blood, you could barely see the fake gold paint on them through the crusted on blood. "He was definitely learning from you," Manic said. "You should've seen his punches, he's definitely learned some of your tricks." Some of Manic's normal enthusiasm was gone. He'd come too close to seeing someone die... but Scourge clearly didn't share the same concerns. "You're a fucked up, awful excuse for a hedgehog." Scourge growled at Oxide. This time, both hands grabbed at the back of his head while Scourge kissed Oxide furiously. Manic just glared on, looking at his other bandmates and giving a look that screamed, "this mess again?" Oxi didn't mind, he happily returned the favour as he used a little bit of tongue. But soon enough, he pulled away. "Alright. Let's continue practicing. 1 2 3 4!" The practice was exhilarating. They'd barely gotten to see Napalm before they had to drive down to pick up Scourge, and this ended up being their first practice in weeks. Maybe they fumbled a tiny bit here and there, but it didn't matter to them. And as per their new standards, Scourge plugged in during practice, too. Not to take over Napalm's playing, but so both could practice with a full band. The more they played, the more Manic felt revitalized. Music and performing nourished his mind in a way very few things could. Getting to do it with both his boyfriends was just an added perk. "Man, we've got this mess DOWN!" Manic said excitedly after one particular song, smacking his hi-hat to punctuate his yell. "Oh my god, I ain't felt this good in a while... C'mon, guys, we've gotta find a way to blow all that cash!" His mind immediately went for the plans they always had laying around that they never acted on. "We could road trip to wherever the hell we want and play where we come across!" "We could try touring the US again," Scourge offered. "Or we could just fucking move there." Oxi shrugged. "I like that idea, my mom doesn't give a shit, as long as she can trust you guys, and shes trusted you guys since 1976. So I think she'd be alright." Jason smirked. "Eh, maybe, I might be able to talk them into letting me go to America, they seemed to like it, so maybe they would let me, I don't know...." Napalm shrugged "I wanna get outta this dump, anyways." Scourge said. The four looked over to Manic, anxious for the final approval. "I dunno." Strangely, Manic seemed hesitant to do something on the spot. "Like, yeah, it sounds fun... I guess I don't know what I'd do there. I mean, Sonia and Sonic-" "Sonic's some kind of agent in training, right?" Scourge shot back at him. "And Sonia's at college, they're doin' their thing. You do your thing." Anxiety was still creeping through Manic's mind, and he wasn't entirely sure what to think at this point. "I guess maybe." Not a no, but definitely not a yes. "Alright, we're moving to America." Oxi said. He was so fucking fed up with this bullshit city. Fat ass 40 year old drunks working 9-5 jobs, being no fun. America looked way cooler and much more fun than the UK did. Oh, how wrong Oxi would be when they would move to America. "I'm sick and tired of this city, everything and everyone fucking sucks." Jason said. "Yah, bunch of conservative assholes, and punk's dead here, so we need to get the fuck outta here!" Napalm suggested. Scourge wrapped one arm around Manic's shoulder and pulled him closer. "What, you scared?" Manic swatted him at the tease, not looking amused for once. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm scared." Manic said, slighly defensive and scared. His party-boy nature was gone for just a few moments. "I haven't lived anywhere else, I've got no clue what to expect. And I mean, I like living in this dump, I wanna know-" "I've lived outta my van before," Scourge offered. "Five people outta... what, two vans tops?" Manic retorted. Manic always spoke about anxiety, and this was one of the few times he'd ever act on his instinctual thoughts. "Dude, I fuckin' talked to the lead singer of Black flag. He told me they're living in a basement of a baptist church with 4 other bands man...." Oxide smirked. "Yeah... yeah, that'd work, I guess." Manic admitted. "You're trying to look at the bad side of things now. Be real with yourself." Manic was visibly struck at being called out like that. Scourge didn't seem to realize how true those words were for Manic. He just glared back, desperate for a retort, and ended up sighing in resignation. "Fine... Yeah, fine, I am. Lemme think about this, guys, don't listen to me, I'm being an ass." Scourge patted his back and grinned, partially out of happiness and partially out of smug self satisfaction for getting through to him. "Yah! We're moving to America!" You're gonna regret those words Oxide. "I got the A-ok" Napalm said the next day, giving an ok sign. "Alright, but before we move away...." Oxide paused before continuing. "We gotta play that old burger place again...." He said with a grin. Manic had been tense since the previous night. Was this an actual plan? What the hell were they going to be doing? They'd come up with the plan on the spot, and were already serious? Manic was very open that he was terrified at the idea. So getting to see him smirk at the statement felt like a great relief. "Like we'd play our final show here anywhere else," Manic said. "Uh... So like, when are we thinking of leaving? I've kinda got to talk to some people first." "Probably within a week, we also gotta get a new car since we had to ditch our old van at a storage space last time we went to America, since they drive on the other side of the road." Oxide said, spiking his now dyed jet black hair. "Heard this awesome band called the germs, they're from LA as well, maybe we can play with them along with black flag. Keith was a pretty cool guy." Oxide smirked. "Is Keith the one who told you to shove your hair in a bunch of tar?" Manic asked, still trying to stay lighthearted for everyone's sake. "Nah, you look great with it, dude. Thought I'm gonna miss all the colors~" Under a week. He had time to say some goodbyes, but at least he had time. Scourge, however? He didn't want to say goodbye to everyone. "If we're going..." Scourge's face went more serious. "I'm still seeing Fiona, don't know if she'll be pissed or want to come along." "Well ask if she wants to come along or not!" Oxide said, sitting in the van, waiting for Napalm and Jason to get back. "Heh.....pretty amazing huh Manic? Almost 4 years of being a band.....AND WE STILL DON'T HAVE A RECORD OUT GOD DAMN!!!" Oxi screeched. "Well, we'll change that when we get to the US, right?" Manic said with a smile. Everyone could tell the smile was somewhat forced, but at least he was trying. "come on, let's get down there and find one more set time." The van started towards the club for one of the final times. "You know what this means, right?" Manic said with a grimace. "We're gonna have to road trip across the US together... again." "Hell yah!" Oxi threw his fist into the air as the drove down the road, getting a set time, bands and in a day, the show was oversold. 500 were showing up to a 150 capacity seater. "Holy hell," Manic said when they saw just how many people had piled into and around the club. "Woah, we haven't had this many people at a show in a while. Good think Scourge ain't playing this time~" Scourge and Manic elbowed each other in fun. Soundcheck was quick, and waiting for their actual show time was cramped but exciting. Manic impatiently watched the clock tick by, ready to get on stage at any second and start playing. "You ready to give these people one hell of a sendoff?" "Hell yah!" The first band was a punk band called 'The business'. The crowd liked them, then it was the Exploited, who were planning on going on tour around Ireland. Then the UK Subs, then Crass, Breakneck, Discharge, GBH, siouxie and the banshees, and finally. The Amphetamines. For once, they decided to let Scourge play with the band like they would at practice. It was their last show, and Scourge had barely performed with the rest of the band. Napalm and Scourge almost had a silent communication between who would do what specifically, and who would improvise along. Bu the main focus, as always, the lyrics, and Manic wanted to perform some of his own himself. "Nothing left for us here But some ratshit town running backwards Let Godiva's men curdle up and melt To our last performance Played on jerrycans and revolvers" Everyone had their turn at some kind of a solo. Honestly, it was a bit of performance chaos, with every member trying to go out with some kind of a bang. But if they were going to have one last performance in the country, they had to make sure people remembered their names, no matter what. The 2nd to last song ended, and then Oxi grabbed the mic. "Alright, this is our last song, wrote it a day ago, lets see how it goes..." He chuckled as he turned his guitar back up, feedback ringing. "Bullshits neverending arguements so condescending You're a fucking hypocrite Why don't you fucking quit? Sick and tired of your shit Stuck up whiny little bitch Don't get your way, throw a fit Can't stand the fact That your a fucking hypocrite Argue on the phone all day Shove all reason away You just can't be fucking asked To do something, get off your ass" The song carried on and on. As much as they would try to draw attention to themselves, this was Oxide's song. They let him carry all the attention. With his performing, his style, his voice, he was a natural at this, and years of practice had honed his talents. It was almost terrifying to Manic when their last song finally ended. The large crowd roared to life, but the finality of the moment was crushing for Manic. That was it, their last show here. And the audience didn't even know yet. "Hey, Oxi... You wanna tell 'em?" Manic said to his husband as he stood up from his drums. "Yah man, I got this." Oxi assured him, giving him a small kiss before walking back to the mic. "Hey guys, this is gonna be our last show here in the United kingdom for a while, we're moving to America, home of the Ramones, The Freeze and Black flag!" Black flag and The Freeze hadn't released a single record in England yet, though the Ramones have. "So see yah guys and gals later, we're moving out of this dead end city. Fuck Manchester!" Oxide screeched at the top of his lungs as he threw the mic stand at the drum kit and started bringing it down on the cymbals. Napalm took his bass and threw it at his amp, knocking them off the back of the stage. The mindless noise and nonsense was met with applause and cheers from the audience. Why wouldn't it be? Manic wasn't anywhere near as punk as the rest of the band, so while the peace sign he threw the audience wasn't expected, he was still being genuine. He left the stage as the rest of the guitars were thrown at the pile of instruments behind the stage. At least they weren't going to have to move it all off of the stage. Off stage, Manic was getting happy. Even excited. They'd done it, they were finally done doing work in Manchester...! He threw himself onto Oxide in a bear hug, smiling and laughing. "Ah man, dude, we're almost done with this mess of a city!" "We are done, tomorrow we're taking a flight to New York, then another to Cali!" Oxide said excitedly as he hugged back. Manic got significantly less excited as he was bluntly reminded. Almost everything was done. Ties were cut and phone numbers were given out from old friends. It was them all, Oxide, Napalm, Jason, Scourge, Fiona, and himself. But there was one more name they had left. Manic stepped back, smiling but tense. "Hey, honestly, dude... I haven't told Sonic yet." Even if they tried, there was drama between them that wasn't healing anytime soon. "You think we could drive down to his place and say bye to him? Or watch Scourge punch his face in one more time?" "Hell yah, could I punch him too?" Oxide asked, eyes beaming with wanting to punch Sonic for no reason other than to punch him. "Let's see if he's gonna give us a reason first." Manic said, giving Oxide a goofy kiss on his cheek. "Then you can punch his face in." All five were back in the van soon enough. Manic's nerves combined with Scourge's insande driving made the drive barely even register for Manic. Napalm and Jason were left in the van as Scourge and Oxide followed him up to the front door of Sonic's house, a fairly average middle-class home. He knocked twice. Sonic would finally come out... wearing a vest and jacket? Manic seemed surprised. "What's with the duds, dude?" "What's with your dud?" Sonic replied, glaring at Scourge specifically. "Uh... Hey, I'm guessing Sonia already told you, but... we're leaving Manchester. Tomorrow. We're moving to the US." He grinned sheepishly. Sonic's uniform was clearly the center of Manic's attention, as Sonic went from surprised to- was that fear? Fear for Manic in his eyes. "Hey, congrats bro." He offered, holding out his hand. Manic could be seen relaxing at the approval. He moved forward and hugged his brother, with him lightly reciprocating. They weren't close, but close enough. Oxide waited for Sonic to finish hugging Manic. When he was finished, he grabbed him by the collar and said. "I could fuck you up right now, lock you in our basement and throw out the key and no one would save you!" Followed by a laugh, before letting go of him and taking his place beside Manic, followed by total silence. "What? He gave no reason for me to punch him in the face, but I had to say or do something!" He said in defense. "You could have punched him in the arm, you stupid-" Manic slapped Oxide's arm just to lighten the mood a little. "But seriously, dude, what's with the clothes? That ain't like you." "I'm gonna head out in a few minutes for a ceremony," Sonic said proudly. "Tonight, I'm being sworn in as an official freedom fighter." Oxide could watch Manic's ego plummet at the announcement. Manic always felt bad against Sonic's accomplishments, but this? He was excited about traveling across the world to continue being an unpopular band. Sonic was becoming a member of a well known and highly selective freelance fighting organization. What was Manic going to do, scream, fall apart, run away? "Man, I kinda want you to punch Sonic now..." Manic said to Oxide. "No, no, don't hit him." He moved forward and actually hugged his brother back, this time stronger than Sonic had hugged him. "I'm proud of you." "Alright, enough of the mush. You got a phone or what?" Manic backed away and laughed as he asked the question, and soon, information was exchanged and final goodbyes were said. Sonic pulled back Oxide while the other two finally made their ways back to the van. "Make sure nothing happens to my bro, alright?" Sonic asked. He hadn't shown this much raw concern for his brother before, not even close. "Don't worry, if he gets in jail I can sell cocaine to get him out." Oxi smirked, giving Sonic a kiss on the nose before walking off with Manic, hand in hand. The jail comment didn't help Sonic's anxiety. Neither did the cocaine bit. The kiss was a cherry on top of a ten car pileup of terrible things to happen to Sonic over the short few seconds. But even if Oxide was strange, and even if he seemed dangerous, he could tell there was a genuine care there. Manic was happy with Oxide, even if Sonic wasn't too keen on him. They looked at each other a bit and Manic threw a peace sign as the band drove off, not knowing if or when they would ever see Sonic again... Manic tried to fight off the anxiety by leaning against Oxide and nuzzling against him, half serious but half joking. "America's gonna be awesome, dude. You got any more bridges to burn before we leave?" "Well....There is one place I wanna stop off at...." Oxide said. "But first... We need some gasoline~" Oxide and the band were now at their old school. It was shut down by now, never getting enough funds, and the government wasn't doing anything with it. Oxide was seen trailing a line of gasoline from inside the school, inside the halls were covered in gasoline, they had gone through 4 canisters. "You know, I was more writing those lines to be edgy," Manic admitted, not thinking they'd actually move forward with his stupid lyrics. But here they were, standing outside in the dark and getting ready to give one last big middle finger to the city they hated. No adjacent building that could have gotten caught in the inevitable fire. Perfect. Scourge stuck a match as Oxide finally exited. "You want the honors?" He offered, holding out the match. "Fuck yah~" Oxide said. Oxi smirked as he took the match and threw it onto the trail of gasoline. The fire then lead into the building. They could see the fires building up inside the school as they watched. Soon the first floor was consumed by the flames and the 2nd floor was next. The school was in a very rural area of the city, so most likely no one was around. The 2nd floor was also consumed by flames, and the building was starting to crumble. The gas cans were hidden back in the van. The five leaned back and watched as it spread in person. Manic gripped Oxide's hand as their old school burnt to the ground. "This is where we met each other," Manic said reminiscently. "I ain't saying I'm sorry... This is exactly the kind of goodbye I wanted." He kissed Oxide in front of the reminiscent building for a a few moments that grew into minutes while the rubble and foundation began to crumble. It was faint, but they could hear some kind of a distant siren going off. "You wanna run before we get booked for arson?" Manic asked. "Yah, lets get outta here," Oxide calmly agreed as they began to pile into the van and drive out of there into the night. The next day, they were at the airport, putting their equipment onto the conveyor belt as they waited in line to get onto the plane. Static cracked from a nearby television as the agents finished searching their bags. "...Police are looking for the small group of men spotted at the scene, although no details have been provided." The goose running the story of the burnt school announced. "So far, no motive has been named in the burning of the school." "Llllet's just get on that plane real quick like." Manic mumbled out of the corner of his mouth as he lead the group away from the security counter. There were many kinds of bittersweet feelings to the day, but this was for the best, and they all knew it. The main band members, as well as Scourge and Fiona, more or less muched around near the snack shops and the waiting area, doing a lot of nothing. All save for Manic, who kept disappearing to the airport smoking rooms, and his stays away got longer and longer as he tried to calm down from the stress. Oxide followed him in once, though that was cause he actually wanted a smoke. "Calm down babe, calm down..." He said in the most assuring voice he could make this early in the morning. "Here...." He then poked a cigarette through the hole of his packet. "Thanks," Manic said, dumping the ashes of his current fizzled out one into an ashtray and lighting the new one. He took a long drag and let the smoke billow. "Trust me, if it was that easy, I'd be calm already." He laughed. The few other people in the room didn't seem to care for th elaughing, but didn't say anything. "I'll be good, dude, just nerves and all that crap." He rustled Oxide's newly black hair playfully. "I'll be fine as long as I'm with you, right?" He snorted at the sentance. "Wow, that was SUPER corny!" "Yah...." Oxi gave a small chuckle as he took a cigarette out as well, lighting it with a lighter that had a swastika on it. Then they heard on the intercom. 'Flight 303 is boarding now.' Oxi checked his ticket. "That's ours, we gotta move." He said, stuffing the ticket back into his pocket as he took a few more puffs of his cigarette before putting it out and leaving, going to where the rest of the group was. Either Jason was nervous and being calmed by Napalm, the inverse was true, or the two just decided to cuddle across three of the airport waiting area chairs. Fiona was in another of her trademark designer outfits she absolutely did not buy. Scourge was untuning all of the carry on guitar's strings so they wouldn't snap during the flight. These were all their ways of passing time as anywhere from virtually no nerves to pretty serious anxiety took over. Finally, they were lead on. They shuffled around with seating until everyone was paired off with their lover... or at least, one of their lovers. The plane started to move, and Manic leaned to get one last look at Manchester before they left for good. Oxide did too, pressing his face against Manic's a little, watching Manchester disappear. "Goodbye Manchester.....you shitty, fucked up excuse for a city...." he said before sitting back down. "It ain't TOTALLY fucked up," Manic offered him. "They've got good burgers. And nothing else, but still." The plane finally started rising into the air. The familiar sights grew smaller and smaller, turning to specks and disappearing behind them as they rose into the air. Manic gripped Oxide's hand anxiously and let out a sigh when it was finally out of their sight. "We're free." One green arm was draped around the orange hedgehog, with manic leaning up against him and laughing softly at his own exaggeration. Oxide pulled him closer, kissing him on the lips, and using a little tongue too after he draped an arm around him and held his hand as they took off. Next stop, America.