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#years of something I thought you wanted because of how much we put our hearts into it
whatbigotspost · 1 year
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Every time I hear someone much older than me talking about how their shame about their bodies and weight have robbed them of all kinds of fun experiences and simple joys and delights in life, it breaks my fucking heart. Older women, in particular, have been shamed into and forced into (and perpetuated themselves) so many stupid narratives about what one "can't do" if you look a certain way. Sometimes they don't even notice it...they'll just casually be saying something like, "I would have loved to play volleyball back in school but this big ass wasn't going to look right in those shorts tee hee" and I'm like that's??? actually??? tragic???????? Especially when it's something they COULD still pursue or try but they've got a fixed mindset about it.
My 84 year old aunt really spent all of her 30s-60s believing that she COULDN'T just put on a swimsuit and enjoy the water in the summer. I have so many memories of this mindset affecting her all summer. Just casually existing by a pool in a swimsuit was something that women who looked like her Could Not Do. This is someone who broke so many gender barriers in her field, who was a pioneer and a bad ass, but who held herself back from something she truly enjoyed for DECADES because she's fat. A couple of years ago she told me how stupid she feels having thought like that now that her age has changed her mobility and safety in going to a pool and it's no longer literally possible for her to do so.
She bought the bullshit and deprived herself of happiness when it was possible, so she lost her chance at hundreds of moments of simple enjoyment she now looks back on sadly.
Really sadly.
I think this is a topic where we can literally see a huge generational change among society right now. The bitchy boomer who says something like, "oh she should NOT be wearing that" when a happy, chunky Gen Zer bops by in a crop top sounds like the death rattles of an ancient relic to most of us in younger generations. After we get over the overt hate that surges when we hear things like that, most of us can see right through that prickly exterior into the deeply damaged, sad, and vulnerable person inside who is the one that's the real problem in the equation.
And yet, while it can be easy to think, "Thank god I'm not like THAT" none of us are truly immune to the messages that are blasted in our faces all the time that still shame fatness and make us feel like we owe society a certain kind of "beauty."
Just keep an eye out for any limiting beliefs you have that are depriving you from joy and delight you want and need. As anyone like my aunt could tell you, you won't someday look back and think, "I sure am glad I didn't do what made me happy all those years!"
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il-miele-che-scrive · 4 months
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Can I request something similar to your latest Lewis smau except y/n is Toto's daughter? It's controversial because she's younger, you know the drill
Sure!! <3 For this one I made Y/n a singer
Btw the song in this fic is made up lol
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username1 She's PRECIOUS
username2 Y/n is so me
username3 Honestly that's so reletable
username4 I swear this girl will pet any creature she can, how isn't she scared of catching some disease?
↳username1 Have you ever heard of water? Is the concept of washing your hands familiar to you?
username5 Oh to be a cat pet by Y/n Wolff...
username6 A rich girl petting strays... Imagine how much of a better place the world would be if she put the same energy into some charity work
↳username7 Y/n is known for doing charity work when it comes to animals. Pretty sure some % of her earnings goes to several pet charities, organizations. Not to mention she's been vegan for a few years now
↳username8 Wow immagine if you did your research before commenting
↳username9 i love how Y/n was born into the rich life but has always been humble and used her money to help others
username10 Literally she gets a lot of hate for being a daughter of a billionaire like okay next time she'll choose to be born poor lmao
username11 exactly!! there's a difference between flexing on daddy's money and using your daddy's money for good causes
username9 pretty sure she makes her own money now;)
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y/n_wolff Busy day at work 😋 look who I bumped into on the way to the studio!!
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georgerussell63 Look at you finally doing some work
↳y/n_wolff Don't worry, soon I'm back at my 2nd job (I just hang around the paddock looking all pretty and stuff)
georgerussell63 No, thank you ❤️ we don't miss you
lewishamilton Speak for yourself George, Roscoe likes when Y/n babysits him
y/n_wolff Roscoe is the only one who understands me for real 😭
roscoelovescoco Petition for an invitation next time you go to the studio
↳y/n_wolff I swear I sent one, it must've got lost on the way 🥹 the pigeon dropped it or something
roscoelovescoco Still using pigeons? That's not very vegan of you...
y/n_wolff Hey! I pay them, alright? If they didn't want to, they wouldn't do this job...
y/n_wolff (hey everyone this is a joke obv)
username3 Imagine what will happen when the haters see this comment section lol
mercedesamgf1 Can't wait to hear it ❤️
↳y/n_wolff 🫶
oscarpiastri Look at that last pic of Y/n with Lando
↳landonorris fuck you if I was an animal i wouldn't be a cat
y/n_wolff Right, you'd be a worm.
landonorris would you guys still love me if I was a worm?
oscarpiastri No
y/n_wolff No
username1 May this be a love song 🤞I need to her one from Y/n after her terrible breakup last year
↳username2 She had a boyfriend last year??
username1 Yeah, we don't know anything about him besides the fact that he broke her heart... Poor girl deserves some true love
username2 Was it a driver?
username1 I highly doubt it, they wouldn't be able to keep it so private
alex_albon Pls make it singable on track
↳y/n_wolff 😬 well...
alex_albon Y/n...
y/n_wolff It's a love song...
username4 SHE ADMITTED!! IT'S A LOVE SONG!!
↳username5 Our girl is in love again 😭
username4 I just hope he treats her better than her ex. Otherwise imma need to talk to him
maxverstappen1 If you like cats so much you should come over sometime
↳username4 Cats rizz 💀
↳username2 No cuz Max has had a crush on Y/n for so long now and I'd love to see them together
↳y/n_wolff You're a few weeks too late 😂🙈
username3 EXCUSE ME I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE MAN IS
username5 Me too, I just wanna talk... *cracking fingers*
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y/n_wolff The one I prayed for out now, let me know your thoughts 🩷🕊️
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georgerussell63 Since when are you so religious?🤨
↳y/n_wolff He changed me ❤️
oscarpiastri Great, another song Lando will make me unwillingly listen to
↳y/n_wolff You love my music, don't lie
landonorris yes he does
oscarpiastri Alright, I know a few songs
y/n_wolff A few songs my ass, I saw that iconic interview where you and Lando sing my songs
landonorris he will never admit it but he was a fan YEARS before he got into f1 and met you
y/n_wolff Not like I stalk his Twitter but I saw a post from 2019 about me, it had like 5 likes and Oscar was one of them lmao
landonorris i knew you had daddy issues but are you okay?
↳y/n_wolff Yeah why?? Wtf??
landonorris well after hearing this song I'm not
username1 "They may judge the age we are, the differences they see, but love knows not of boundaries, it only seeks to be free" MY GIRL IS A POET 😭
username2 I'm not ready to meet this man after hearing "He's walked through fire, faced his fears, but in his heart, there's room for tears" 😭
carmenmmundt Truly in love with the lyrics, they're out of this world, out of this century
↳y/n_wolff Thank you love 🥹
lewishamilton The chorus got me in a chokehold💜
↳y/n_wolff He's the one I prayed for, in the dead of night, a love like ours, hidden from sight. If people knew, they'd say it's wrong, but in his arms I belong🥹
↳username4 What is Lewis doing here...?
username5 Chill, he drives for Mercedes. George also commented in case you didn't notice
username3 Lyrics so beautiful miss girl was born in the wrong generation
↳username2 fr it sounds straight from 20th century poetry, she's too pure for the age of quick tinder hookups
username6 I knew what her father was like but damn...that song screams daddy issues...
↳username7 Y/n said music is her therapy, that's just how she chooses to express her emotions
username8 When are we going to talk about this part of the lyrics?? "In his eyes, reflections of victory, every triumph and mystery. He's raced through life, faced every curve"?? THIS HAS TO BE ABOUT A DRIVER
↳username9 Y/N AND MAX???
username10 me when I'm delusional
↳username11 I wish it was about Max, but it's certainly about an older guy. I mean, Max is a few years older than Y/n, but the song feels like the guy is in his 30s
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lewishamilton Summer break = days spent at the beach
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username1 Sir Lewis Hamilton casually adding his boss' daughter to his vacation pics 🤨
↳username2 fr did he think we wouldn't notice?
georgerussell63 Blink twice if Y/n forced you to post the last photo
↳lewishamilton She kindly asked and I agreed.
y/n_wolff Exactly. That's what I do. I ask. Kindly.
username3 SO HER SONG IS ABOUT HIM??
↳username4 Seems like it 🥹
username3 idk how I feel about it tbh... she's too young for him
username5 Yeah imo she'd be better with Max
username4 Shut the hell up guys, let them be happy, there must be a reason they're together
landonorris that's called soft launching, did you know that?
↳y/n_wolff Wdym?? We're just team bonding during the summer break
georgerussell63 Then why wasn't I at the team bonding?
y/n_wolff Uhhhh I'll call you back later, I'm driving through a tunnel 😬
username6 She's too young for him, will have her fun and move onto the next guy (Max?)
↳username7 You're the reason why so many celebs prefer to keep their relationships a secret
username8 WHAT DID TOTO SAY??
↳username6 Does he even know? 💀 AFAIK he doesn't have social media
username8 But it's impossible that he wouldn't know, right...?
y/n_wolff I love you but what is this basic caption?😭
↳lewishamilton I'd rather like to focus on how pretty you look
y/n_wolff I LOVE YOU 😭
landonorris simp
y/n_wolff Stfu Lando, you wish you could hang out with us at the beach
username3 Lmao didn't expect Lando calling the 7 times world champion a simp but here we are
username9 Okay guys but... The girlfriend effect? How will the girlfriend effect work in this case if Lewis is a fashion icon already?
↳username10 There must be a way for an upgrade, there always is
y/n_wolff Sorry, he's all perfect already🫶I guess the gf effect only applies to boys and my man is a real man🗡
maxverstappen1 Have fun ☀️ see you back on track soon
↳username6 Something doesn't feels right seeing Max in this comment section...
username10 Get your shit together, him and Y/n never had a thing, y'all made it all up based on one interview Max gave years ago
mercedesamgf1 🌞😎
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y/n_wolff He's the one I prayed for
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lewishamilton I love you babe but what is this basic caption?
↳y/n_wolff You're learning from the best, I see
georgerussell63 Good to know you're still team bonding 👍
↳y/n_wolff Yeah, we bonded really hard last night😌
georgerussell63 TMI
oscarpiastri The last pic 🤓
↳landonorris she's getting bold isn't she
y/n_wolff I don't have reasons to be shy tho, do I?
landonorris girl made one good song and made it her whole personality
↳y/n_wolff This is girlhood, you'd never get it
landonorris btw this is hard launching but in a 'we don't give a fuck' way
↳y/n_wolff Well, we don't 🤷‍♀️
username1 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LITTLE Y/N😭
↳username2 She grew up 😭
username3 I love how nonchalant they're about it
carmenmmundt Someone's been working out🤭
↳y/n_wolff Now I have a personal trainer 😌
username4 WHAT DID TOTO SAY??
↳username5 Bet we're gonna see much more of smashing his headset after the break
username6 How is she so casual about it? We just found out she's dating LEWIS MF HAMILTON and she's acting like that's nothing
↳username3 I guess it is 'nothing' for her, she's known Lewis since she was really young
username7 That's what's giving me the biggest ick because this man has known her since she was an early teen and suddenly decided to date her?
username3 Yeah but she's in her 20s now, she's a consenting adult
username7 That's not normal, this is the definition of grooming
username3 I'm sorry I'm too european for your bullshit
username8 Lewis said fuck it I'm going to Ferrari next year anyway, might as well shoot my shot 💀
username9 Max Verstappen has been really silent
↳username10 Now he'll compete with Lewis not only for the championship but also for Y/n 😂
username9 It would be such a win
username11 Can y'all MaxY/n shippers shut up? I swear y'all are worse than Lestappen shippers
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y/n_wolff Roscoe working hard while his dad socializes with his grandpaw 🥳
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username1 I didn't even realize now that Y/n and Lewis are together it means Toto is Roscoe's grandpaw 😭
georgerussell63 Working hard or hardly working?
↳y/n_wolff No comment...
landonorris really shocked to see toto still gets along with lew
↳username2 Lando saying what we all think lol
↳y/n_wolff Dad was actually happy!!
landonorris does he hope you'll convince lew to stay in mercedes?
y/n_wolff How am I supposed to know 🤷‍♀️ you go talk to him
oscarpiastri New songs when?
↳y/n_wolff Soon!! (I haven't started working on them)
username2 I'm actually happy to see them happy and that Toto accepts Lewis as Y/n's boyfriend
↳username3 It's still weird 💀 imagine calling a 40 year old your 'boyfriend'
username2 People are allowed to find love at any age
username3 Lewis is closer in age to Toto than to Y/n
username2 And? Y/n isn't a child, she's a grown woman, if Lewis is what she wants, who are we to judge?
username3 It's just icky... It's not gonna last long
username4 I still can't stop thinking what could be if Y/n was dating Max 🥹
↳username5 fr my dream couple
username6 Y'all see how Y/n predicted people's reaction in her song? "If people knew, they'd say it's wrong" and y'all can't stop yapping about imaginary grooming or what her and Max could've been
↳username7 Girl should've kept it a secret, I feel sorry for them 🥲
↳username8 But in his arms I belong
y/n_wolff Okay everybody, I didn't want to talk about it, but you give me no choice. Lewis and I are in love, there was no grooming involved, I make my own decisions. I really wanted to cherish our love with my new music, but you make me re-think it. I don't feel excited to share our love with you anymore.
↳lewishamilton Don't worry about them darling ❤️
↳danielricciardo FEA
↳landonorris You have our support guys
↳oscarpiastri Don't let these comments get to you, they don't matter
↳georgerussell63 I know I usually act like a snappy older brother, but I love to see you happy (even if Lewis is the reason)
↳maxverstappen1 Haters are always gonna hate, but they don't deserve your attention
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lost-and-ephemeral · 4 months
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hii can i request angst for love and deepspace, reader and mc are different ppl. our boys made plans with reader but forgot and left them hanging to hangout with the mc instead 😞
Series: In Her Shadow, pt.1 (ft. main trio)
Part 1 | Part 2
It feels like you've never been enough for him.
Pairing: Xavier x reader, Zayne x reader, Rafayel x reader (seperate)
Tags: angst, hurt no comfort, reader is not MC, reader and guys are dating
A/N: Thanks for your request, sweetheart! Hope it doesn't look too OOC.
Part 1 | Part 2
-`♡´- MASTERLIST -`♡´- 
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Xavier
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Your relationship with Xavier could be called ideal, if not for one nuance.
His colleague, who takes up much of his attention.
There were times when he'd come home and talk about her with such excitement that you'd start to feel like a third wheel. But usually afterwards Xavier would apologize and say that no matter how strong his colleague was, you would still be the best for him.
And you'd like to believe that. Until he forgot about dinner with you because of her.
You've planned a perfect evening and cooked everything he loved so much, knowing how tired he might come back after a mission. Only for him to never show up this evening.
You've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Feeling how your heart was breaking even more with each passing minute. Maybe something bad had happened? Maybe he was hurt?
You texted him, only to get back, "Don't worry, I'm fine, my colleague just invited me to the cafe after our mission."
No apologies, no regrets. It seems that he just forgot about you and your plans together.
For a while you were silently sitting in your living room, staring at the phone screen. It was hard to describe all these feelings that were bubbling up inside you. Jealousy, anger. You didn't even bother to remind him about your dinner together and just put all the dishes away in the fridge.
Since when did she become more important than you?
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Zayne
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You always knew about Zayne's childhood friend. But you couldn't even imagine that she would make you feel so unwanted.
You had plans for today while your lover had the day off. As a cardiac surgeon, Zayne was busy most of the time and would come home late, completely exhausted. Of course, you wanted to spend every free day with him.
Except for one thing.
His childhood friend constantly overshadowed you. Well, you could understand why that was happening. After all, their friendship (or was it more than that already?) had been going on for years, and you couldn't stop Zayne from seeing her.
But…
Sitting alone in the restaurant, at the table you'd booked together, you barely held back tears as you stared at the message marked 'unread'.
When Zayne didn't appear in time, you were surprised. He was always so punctual, what was wrong this time?
But when you asked him where he was, he replied, "Sorry, she asked me to visit an old candy store with her, I'll be back in a few hours," and you realized he'd completely forgotten about you.
And your last message went unread.
"Zayne, but we made a reservation for today."
You sat alone for so long that people started to squint in your direction. The only option was to get up and leave the restaurant before your heart was completely shattered.
And so you did.
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Rafayel
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Usually Rafayel's studio was always open for you, so you could come to see him anytime.
But as it turned out, you weren't the only one he welcomed with open arms, day or night.
Today was your day off and you were planning to visit Rafayel so you could help him with something in his studio. He asked you to come in the first place. Usually that meant he just wanted to see you and was looking for any excuse, even the silliest one.
But instead you were met with a locked gate.
At first you thought it was just another joke, that Rafayel would come out and let you in, yet some time passed, and you continued to stand there alone. You tried to call him, but it was unsuccessful. No matter how long you waited, no one answered.
Finally you decided to call Thomas to ask him if something important had happened. Maybe Rafayel once again forgot about his own exhibition and had left in a hurry.
But it turned out you were the only one who had been forgotten.
"He said he was going to buy new paints with his bodyguard," Thomas explained. "Or something like that. Better not wait for him until evening, he's unlikely to be back before that time."
Devastated, you stood there for a while longer, thinking about his 'Ms. Bodyguard' who was spending more and more time with your beloved. It wasn't the first she took him away from you.
But this was the last straw.
You turned around, heading back home and desperately holding back tears.
It wasn't fair.
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cultofdixon · 3 months
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Secrets kept for another’s safety, until you lose it
Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Some Saviors just can’t let go and go for what’s important to Daryl Dixon. But little did he know about more than losing his partner. • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy / Injuries / Anxiety Attacks / Blood loss
Requested by: Anon
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Just because the Saviors War is over, doesn’t mean it’s completely dealt with. People have their vendettas and everyone will forever be scarred by the actions of Negan, apart of the Saviors or not.
When Negan was taken to prison instead of hell, the group decided that it would be best to have shifts of their people to watch The Sanctuary until they’ve fixed everything. Or until they put someone in there for a more permanent position.
After a month in and it was Daryl and Y/N’s turn to watch the place. Both having their own imprisonment to the place because of Negan. So they weren’t all too happy to be back. But the night gave them time to themselves.
Which led them on the roof this night…
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Daryl asks, putting the joint back to his lips watching Y/N finish putting up the last of their clothes on the clothesline. “You haven’t talked in a bit”
“Am I really that talkative?” She laughs softly, tossing the extra pins in the empty laundry basket. “I’m just enjoying the night with my husband. What else more could I ask for?”
“Could go dark on yea and say for Negan to be dead”
“Well you’re not the only one wanting that” Y/N sat on the stool while Daryl laid on a mattress they had brought up there. Neither of them want to live inside the walls anymore. “Can we just think toward the future?”
“We can” Daryl pushed himself to sit up, offering the joint to her as she shook her head. He stared a bit confused before shrugging it off. “Again, sunshine…what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”
Y/N fell silent once more before looking out toward the woods trying to find a good start to what she wants to talk about.
“You remember when you first held Judith?”
“Lil’ Ass kicker, yeah?”
“Do you remember what you told me afterward? When you handed her off to Hershel?”
The confused look on his face gave her answer.
“You said I don’t think I’d be cut out for this if I were Rick.”
“Why are yea bringing that up now? Are you—-“
“No!…No…” Y/N visibly slumped. “It’s just. The threat is gone. We have a home that is ours. Walls to protect us from the dead…we could. Do it. Have a child. Have that future…”
Give Daryl some credit when he has thought about this before. Having a child with his wife…all of their love put into a single human being. But all the anxieties that came with that thought flooded his mind.
“I don’t wanna lose you like Rick lost Lori” For something that happened years ago, it still haunted him. Especially with the scares they’ve had before a true moment of peace came.
“Daryl…that…that was going to happen to Lori regardless…she had a c-section with Carl, any baby after that was bound to come out the same way. This would be a first for me. We could prevent the possibility of needing a c-section”
“But there’s still a chance. I…” Daryl stopped himself to avoid her eyes and hang his head not ever wanting to think about that possibility. But then again…what was he going to do? “I just can’t” he whispers which led Y/N to bring herself to his level and coax his gaze back onto her. “I can’t lose you…I…I’ve lost enough and everything about how I’d be a terrible father aside I won’t be able to raise our child alone if I lost you…I will always need you”
As much as it broke Y/N’s heart to know his feelings and to have to push aside hers because the last thing she would want is to lose or hurt her husband…the tears fell from her eyes as she presses her forehead against his.
“Okay. Okay…You won’t lose me. Ever. I’m here…just me” Y/N brought her arms around his shoulders bringing her face into the crook of his neck as Daryl wrapped his arms tightly around her holding her close.
The things you do for love will always be something…that will always be changing
About four months later…
Y/N finally emerges from the basement living she and Daryl live in under the Grimes’s residence. She gave a smile to Michonne who said “good morning” in her arrival watching her friend join her and Judith at the kitchen island.
“Think you can handle breakfast?”
“Yes, I think I finally got over that ill spell” Y/N took a seat at one of the barstools smiling to Judith beside her before drawing her attention to the quick footsteps making their descend down the stairs.
“Hey! You’re up here, how yea feeling? Yknow Daryl—-“
“Has been having you ask every day since I came back from the Sanctuary not feeling well. I’m doing okay. Better than before”
“Great to hear that, I’ll tell Daryl in person when I make my rounds to the other communities” Rick smiles approaching Judith who was happy to see her dad. “First thing, take this little one to the teacher to watch her while we’re all out”
Michonne gave Y/N a confused look as she tiredly turned to her lifting her head from her hand.
“I’m gonna work in the pantry. So I don’t feel entirely useless”
“You’re allowed to take it easy” Michonne was stern with her words which brought the confusion out of Rick’s expression while he picked up Judith heading toward the door.
“I think I’ll be fine” Y/N shot a stern look at her friend as Michonne instantly waited for the front door to close, ultimately for Rick to leave. “The baby will be fine”
“Y/N, when are you going to tell Daryl so this doesn’t have been a secret between you and I? You’ve mentioned about a conversation you had with him that doesn’t quite add up to the fact that you didn’t——“
“He doesn’t want to have a baby.” Y/N frowns forming fists as she had the habit of digging her nails into her flesh to avoid the crying. “He doesn’t want to have a baby with him and I promised I wouldn’t. But I still got knocked up. Now he’s going to lose me or I’m going to lose him” the tears came anyway as the frustration was obvious in the discomfort in her face which led Michonne to maneuver around the island to bring herself beside her friend letting her rest her head on her shoulder as her arms caged her. “All I wanted was a family with the man that I love but the factors of being good enough or dying unexpectedly just floods that man’s mind and hell I can’t blame him for any of it. But now I’m plagued with it while I carry his child”
The two didn’t hear the click of the door finally closing. All that mattered was Michonne comforting her friend until it was time for the day to get started.
“I’ll be helping Gabriel rebuild his chapel with a few Saviors we have taken in for rehabilitation to show they can do something good. We are thinking of making it also the leading to the farm” Michonne stated as she walked Y/N to the pantry. “So I will be around if you need me. I’ll also keep an eye on the saviors. I know what some of them have been saying but we haven’t come across one angry with Rick or Daryl or literally any one of us”
“Are you really trying to say you’re watching out for my safety when I’m gonna be confined to a chair and a notepad for the most part”
“Yes, yes I am. Plus…the infirmary is right next door and I know Siddiq is doing his inventory and preparing shipment of medical supplies we’ve found on the runs we had recently.”
“Michonne”
“Yes?”
“You’re rambling” Y/N laughs opening the door to let herself in. “I’ll holler if I need anything” she says halfway inside when Michonne quickly reminded her about the no heavy lifting which got a scoff out of the woman.
About an hour or two has passed and Y/N groans out of boredom while sitting on the stool in the pantry. She stared out the window watching people walk passed or the few groups carrying wood and metal around for the walls and new buildings. Inventory was done, restock of what they have was done, and she was about to get started on the shipment for the Kingdom when she heard the door open.
“Michonne I really don’t need you watching—-“ Y/N stopped speaking when she watched the unfamiliar man step in quietly, assessing the environment. “Uhm. Can I help you with anything?”
“I was told by that scary priest that we hold the extra building supplies in here on occasion when the shed ain’t organized” He stepped around the pantry looking for himself before looking at Y/N as she couldn’t shake this familiar feeling. “You’ve got nails? Maybe a better hammer than this shit?” The hammer she didn’t notice before only confused her on where he pulled it out from. But asides from that, Y/N got off the chair and went to grab such for him.
“How’s the construction going?”
“It’s going. That Rick guy has us doing a lot just has his woman bossing us around” He scoffs looking at the jarred goods they have while Y/N knelt down to carefully go through a box for a smaller box of nails. “How can you even do what Rick asks y’all to do?”
“Have you even met Rick? He does the right thing, most of the time” Keeping Negan alive was the wrong one.
As Y/N rose to her feet with the box of nails she watched the man pull off the Polaroids that were stuck to the window. Just for a better look but it made her uneasy thinking he was going to get rid of them.
“Family?” He questions lifting up the ones with Glenn and Maggie, watching Y/N nod as he fixated on one with her and Daryl before putting them back. “Find’em?”
“Yeah, here” She handed off the box hearing him thank her before stepping out. But before she could even straighten out the pictures and take a seat, Y/N didn’t hear the door close entirely.
It didn’t take long for what to happen, happen.
The second she rounded the corner…Y/N flinched slightly being up close to the man without a name. She looked down to find a few nails shoved deep into her side. The shock made the pain not come right away and she was still experiencing it while he drove them to the point he couldn’t.
“You are just as dumb as you were back when you were his wife.” He glares into the deep pits of her soul as Y/N lifted her head from watching the blood spill from her side. Her mind racing to one thing. “Rick shoulda killed him. Your bitch dog of a man shoulda killed him. Maybe even the sword lady. Anybody. Then you all would’ve been seen as stronger instead of weak ass beings.”
“I-…I—-“ Y/N felt the tears spill and he grabbed her face to make her force eye contact.
“Let me take you away from everybody and I’ll watch them suffer” then the man quickly removed his hand when he heard voices outside. He pushed her aside but the blood loss led it to be a bit more dramatic as she fell to her knees.
As he made his escape through the back, Y/N slumped against the wall hesitant to touch her side. But they weren’t in prime condition, they could have some traces of rust and she can’t afford an infection if she wants any chance of that surviving.
A few were hard to pull out and one was embedded deep that Y/N contemplated letting it stay in but she was already this far.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby.
Daryl… Y/N sobbed as she used her knife to cut into her to pull out the last nail that was embedded deep. She had to stop the bleeding so she could go get help and knew she had towels in the other room out of the foyer. But the blood loss was too much that when her weak body crawled about halfway there, it gave out.
“Daryl”
“I know this shithole sucks but yea said you’d be here earlier” Daryl clearly was in a mood while working on his bike, and with Rick only crossing his arms with an annoyed expression after his words. He knew he shouldn’t have expressed all of that. “Sorry. I’m frustrated.”
“Did something happen?”
“No…” Daryl frowns fiddling with a tool in hand. “Y/N hasn’t radio’d me today. Michonne was gonna give hers to my girl so I can check up on her but nothin’”
“I’m sure there’s a good reason for that. Plus I’ve got uh…an update of my own regarding your wife” Now he had to be careful. He did hear everything in the kitchen that morning but Rick isn’t the best at de-escalating the situation.
But it felt like fate for him to be interrupted by his radio in that exact moment.
“Rick—-Are you with Daryl?”
“Gabriel? Yes, why?”
“Michonne—-Hilltop” his end was cutting out and the urgency only stressed the retired sheriff and huntsman. “Bleeding—-Stopped—-Other reasons—-Y/N”
“Gabriel. Who’s injured?!” Rick shouts annoyed as the silence grew for a moment.
“Y/N was found bleeding—-Attacked—-Go to Hilltop”
“Load up. Forget the bike” Rick stated even though the second Daryl heard it was confirmed to be Y/N, he went right into the driver’s seat of Rick’s truck. Rick quickly got in the passengers and didn’t wait another minute to tell Daryl.
The accident happened a few hours ago before Gabriel radio’d Rick. He only comm’d him as per request from Michonne to update him and to get Daryl on their current actions of getting Y/N to the Hilltop. For their ultrasound machine. The one from the Sanctuary got moved to the Kingdom to be repaired by a retired technician.
Y/N sat up in bed in the medical trailer not liking the feeling of the IV in her arm and the antibiotics Siddiq had her on. Made the sick feeling return and the nausea meds never worked on her.
“Daryl is on his way” Michonne frowns sitting in the chair beside her as Maggie sat at the edge of the bed with her hand rested on her calf. Both being protective of her in her current state.
“I didn’t get a name of the guy…”
“Hun we don’t have to do that now” Maggie assured her. “Aaron and Rosita are looking for the guy back home with the description you gave before they moved you here. We don’t have to talk about it at all and focus on you staying alive and healthy”
The tears returned as Y/N pulled her hand away so she could hide her face in them. As she sobbed she didn’t hear the sound outside of 1. The car stopping in front of the trailer. 2. Daryl shouting at a few people. And 3. The sound of a Hilltop resident screaming after Daryl shoved them out of his way to get inside the trailer. The second the door opened and his worry expelled from him, Michonne and Maggie got up from their spots moving so he could get close to his wife.
Michonne motioned for Maggie to leave with her as she instantly went to Rick to talk about the guy that attacked Y/N.
Daryl instantly wrapped his arms around her feeling her grab fists full of his vest, making him want to squeeze her but he instantly pulled away when she winced. He started to check her person himself even if Siddiq does a great job with his assessment after dealing with the main problem. He even checked her bandages watching the discomfort grow on her face along with a few tears still falling.
“Are you okay? What did that bastard do to yea? Is the peanut okay?”
“What?”
“Is the baby okay?” Daryl’s voice cracked when asking that question as it only made Y/N cry even more giving him mixed signals.
Someone told him she thought and as much as that brought relief, it brought a lot of regret and pain that she didn’t tell him herself.
As she pulls from his touch, Daryl watches her reach for the table beside the bed grabbing a piece of paper before returning and giving it to him. He carefully took it into his hands looking at the picture of the peanut that was very much still there. He exhales relieved, feeling his own tears spill and the softness of her hands gently wipe them away.
“I’m sorry—-“
“No.” Daryl cut her off setting the photo in her lap so he could take her hands into his. “I…I shouldn’t have said what I said months ago…I didn’t want to push you away ever if this were to happen. Cuz let’s be honest with ourselves, we fuck like bunnies. It was bound to happen” he broke out in a smile listening to Y/N laugh to his words. He planted a kiss on her cheek as she kept that smile of hers. “We…we can die to anythin’ and that shouldn’t stop us from living.”
“Daryl…”
“Let’s go home, sunshine. Let me protect the both of yea”
Daryl helped Y/N get in the car before approaching the small group that was fixated on the woman.
“There’s a lead”
“You know I’m not gonna hesitate to kill that guy” Daryl stated and instead of receiving the usual Rick talk about no need to go far he was genuinely confused. “What”
“I’m going to help you get the son of a bitch. He does want to take us out because of Negan”
“You’re willing to be bait?”
“If Rick gets hurt, your ass is next” Michonne threats with a smile before joining Y/N in the car giving them a bit more time to discuss then joining their partners.
The day progresses into the night and Daryl found the right moment to slip away from his spot beside his wife so he could leave the house to take care of business.
As the man climbs over the wall after hiding out until night, he stumbled on his landing and when he straightened up he was face to face with Rick.
“Seriously. Just let me go”
“I don’t think that’s gonna happen”
“Like you of all people will pull the trigger” He scoffs, making the mistake of reaching for his weapon because that led to a bolt piercing him in the side of the skull.
Rick watches the body fall limp to the floor before turning to Daryl emerging from the shadows.
“There’s gonna be more like him” Rick stated. “We won’t kill them all”
“Anybody, and I fucking mean anybody…who comes near my pregnant wife the way that guy did? Will meet the same fate”
And on that note, he returned back to his spot beside Y/N who instantly rolled over to face him and bring herself close.
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Heart Shaped Kisses
R. Ripley x fem!reader
cw: fingering, oral (f receiving), clit play, soft sex, scissoring, top!rhea, bottom!reader, wax play, praising, dirty talk
of course i came back on valentines day, what did you expect?
it kinda switched between 1st and 3rd person, oops. not proofread
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The night had been perfect. Rhea took you to your favorite restaurant where she had a private table reserved for the two of you, with your favorite wine waiting for you, and a tall red candle in the middle of the table that lit the area.
As much as it may be a surprise, Rhea was a hopeless romantic, and she loved valentines day. Any day that gave her an excuse to spoil you, was perfect for her. Your gift was given to her earlier in the morning. You made her breakfast and you had curated an adorable little basket filled with her favorite treats, red and black roses, a stuffed bear with your anniversary date on its paw, and of course you snuck a lingerie set neatly folded on the bottom. Rhea loved it, and she gave you so many kisses afterwards your lips were almost numb.
Now, she pulled out your chair for you, and pushed it back in before taking her seat across from you. She poured you a glass of wine, and smiled at you from across the table.
You had been dating for 3 years, and it always amazed you how she seemed to come up with a new date idea for valentines day each year. It was adorable and you were so grateful for the thought she put into making your night.
"I love this, Rhea. Thank you so much." You spoke gratefully as you looked around the restaurant.
"Of course, I love doing this for you, love." Rhea smiled and she held your hand over the table. Bringing my hand up to her lips, she gave it a soft kiss.
I felt my cheeks heat up and I covered my face with my other hand with a big smile.
"Let me see you, beautiful." Rhea said. I blushed harder and shook my head no, laughing softly.
I uncovered my face a few minutes after, pushing pieces that fell in my face behind my ear.
"There's my beautiful girl." Rhea whispered with a soft smile on her face as she looked at me. I didn't cover my face this time, I just looked the other way as I sipped my wine.
"You're adorable." I said as I looked back her, returning the smile. Rhea playfully rolled her eyes, but I saw her blush as she looked the other way, which made me giggle.
The waiter came around to take your orders, and once he was done Rhea looked back at you.
"You really look beautiful tonight, Y/n." Rhea complimented sweetly.
"Thank you, Rhe. So do you." I complimented back, kissing her hand this time.
Dinner was amazing, she ended up finishing mine for me because I made the mistake of getting something bigger than I usually do but she wasn't complaining. We were in the car now, music playing quietly as her hand gripped my thigh.
We were about a 25 minute drive from the house, so we had a little bit to go. Rhea thumb began rubbing back and forth on the skin of my thigh, and I didn't miss the smirk on her face from the corner of my eye.
Her hand slowly began to inch higher and higher as time went on. I started shuffling in my seat about 5 minutes ago, and it of course didn't go unnoticed.
"What's wrong, baby?" She asked, faux concern in her voice, she knew what was wrong.
"Nothing! I'm just cold, that's all." I lied.
"Hm, okay." Was all she said as she looked back at the road.
Rhea's hand was now under the skirt of my dress, almost touching where I needed her the most, she was so close. She was still for a moment, until her pinky just barely ran over the center of my damp panties.
"Rhea." I sighed, looking over at her.
A smirk was painted on her lips as she looked ahead, pulling into our driveway, thank god.
"I want you in the house, up the stairs, and on the bed for me. Strip to your panties, beautiful." Rhea ordered softly before unlocking the car. I opened the door with a quick 'Yes Mami' before practically running into the house. I got up the stairs, and discarded from my dress and bra, and got on the bed like she requested.
I waited for only a few minutes, before she walked through the door in a pair of heels, fishnets and the lingerie I had put in the bottom of the basket. My jaw dropped as I took her in. How the hell did she get in that so fast?
"What, see somethin' you like?" Rhea teased as she put her hand on her hip. All I could do was nod as I brought my bottom lip between my teeth.
She slowly walked towards me, heels clicking across the floor as she inched closer. As she got next to the nightstand, she lit the skinny pink candle that was sitting there. It softly lit the room, and it smelled like roses.
"So pretty all spread out for me, baby." Rhea whispered as she stood next to me now, her hand reaching to softly pinch at one of my nipples.
I let my head fall back against the pillows with a soft sigh of her name.
"Fuck, Rhea." I whined as she tugged on it, eyebrows furrowing. Rhea let out a deep chuckle as she switched to my other nipple, pinching it roughly this time. My mouth fell open with a gasp as I opened my eyes to look at her. Her eyes were already fixed on me, taking in my features and every expression on my face.
Fuck.
"I bet your pussy is so wet for me already, isn't it baby?" Rhea husked as she gently trailed her hand down my torso, tickling my skin. All I could do was nod in response, which earned a smack against my clothed pussy. "Words, Y/n."
"Yes, Mami." I breathed out, my thighs trying to close against her hand before they were pushed back open. Rhea's middle finger pressed against my clit over my panties, which caused a soft moan to escape my lips as my eyes fluttered closed.
"So easy." She whispered. I went to speak, but when her finger began to rub in circles every thought quickly disappeared from my brain.
My body relaxed, and my legs spread wider.
"There's my girl." Rhea whispered beneath my ear as she left a soft kiss there.
"I can practically feel how drenched you are through your panties, sweet girl. This all for me?" She taunted in a high voice.
"Yes," I moaned.
"Good girl." She smiled.
Rhea's hands grabbed at my waistband as she slowly pulled them down, whispering a quiet 'fuck' as she saw my wetness glisten in the dim light of the candle and the street lights peeking from the window. As she slid my panties off, Rhea placed my legs over her shoulders as she pressed a soft kiss to my ankle, and began to slowly trail kisses up my leg until she was on her stomach between my thighs.
Usually, she'd tease me here, but this time she placed a kiss on my clit, and used her thumbs to spread my folds to get a better look.
"You're so fucking beautiful, baby. So fuckin' wet for me." Rhea said, with a low moan vibrating from the back of her throat as she sucked my clit between her lips.
"Fuck!" I squealed, arching my back off of the bed.
Rhea's tongue gently drew circles on my bud, using her tongue piercing to hit spots that made my brain go fuzzy.
"Mami," I whined as I squeezed my eyes shut. Soft whines and whimpers continued to leave my lips as she played with my clit, going between flicking her tongue against it and sucking on it.
"Such a noisy girl for me, aren't you?" Rhea pulled her head away to tease, her thumb replacing her tongue. She applied just the right amount of pressure as she quickly circled the sensitive nerves.
"I'm gonna cum, Mami." I warned as I felt my stomach tighten. Just then, Rhea slipped her middle and ring fingers inside of me, curling them into my sweet spot as she put her mouth back on my clit.
"Rhea!" I moaned, my head falling back as my thighs tightened around her head. She quickened her fingers, and it was only mere seconds before I felt my orgasm crash over me. Rhea helped me ride it out, switching to soft licks and slow curls of her fingers.
"You did so good for me, beautiful. I'll never get over the way you taste." Rhea said agaisnt my lips once she pulled her fingers out of me, kissing me deeply.
The kiss got heated quickly as her hips started to grind against mine, and when I moaned into her mouth she pulled back.
"I need to feel you against me, baby." I whispered.
Rhea's eyes widened slightly before they grew darker, and she smirked as she started pulling the straps off her shoulders.
"Yeah?" She said breathlessly, as she discarded her clothing. She spread my thighs again, and placed one of her legs over top of mine.
Placing herself against my core, we both let out a moan as she thrusted forward, our clits rubbing together perfectly.
"Oh fuck." She sighed, tossing her head back. She did it again, harder this time.
"You feel so good." I moaned, closing my eyes until I felt something hot against my skin. I gasped as my eyes shot open, and then I moaned louder once I noticed she had dripped some of the wax from the candle just below my breasts. This wasn't new to us, but it always surprised me.
"I could fuck your pretty pussy like this all damn time, you know that?" Rhea husked as she sped up, chasing her own high. I whined her name, hips bucking to meet hers as she continued to drip the pink wax onto my skin. I smiled when I looked down, seeing that she was drawing a heart with the wax.
She put the candle back a few moments later, interlacing her fingers with mine as she stared into my eyes. The combination of the eye contact, and her clit rubbing against mine made my stomach tighten again.
"Mami," I breathed out, eyes struggling to stay open.
"Happy Valentines day, beautiful."
"Wait for me baby, let me cum with you. You can hold it for me, can't you?" She said out of breath. Who could say no to that? I nodded, bucking my hips to meet hers. Rhea moaned, speeding her hips up. "You feel so good against me, angel." She said in a breathy moan.
With one final thrust, Rhea came with a quiet whine. My orgasm came right after hers, and she continued to grind her hips, helping us both ride them out. Once we both finally calmed down, she got off of me and rolled to lay next to me, kissing my cheeks.
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saturnville · 27 days
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do you want to, l. hamilton
pairing: he (lewis hamilton) x black best friend oc (anvika dawson) content: in which two friends cross a line people have been waiting for them to cross...and it works out. warning: 18+ content, angst, fluff, heavy dialogue song: do you want to by xscape an: part one here. part two here. their story is complete. thank you for reading <3 tags: @boujiestpoet @mauvecherie-writes @saintslewis @greedyjudge2 @vile-harlot @emjayewrites @ggaslyp1 @neeville
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They hadn’t spoken in over a month. A bridge seemed to find its way between them. Not finding their way back to one another was unlike them. Most disagreements lasted at most three days. But, for there to have been 30 days of silence had her questioning if they’d come back from what they went through. 
But, after a much-needed therapy session, a cry session with Onyx, and deep reflection, Anvika realized that space was the best thing she could give him. She was challenged to put herself in his shoes and that changed her perspective entirely. 
“I want you to think from his perspective, Anvika,” her therapist began. She was an older Black woman with rich skin and silver hair. Her eyes were like honey and her voice was warm like the hug of an old church mother. “If you had feelings for him, right, whether you admitted them or not, and there came a time where the dam that contained all the feelings, emotions, thoughts, what have you, had broken and he was willing to drown in it all, just to turn around and downplay what occurred not even 12 hours later, how would you feel?” 
Ouch. Having it repeated to her without bias struck her uncomfortably. Anvika twisted her lips as she pondered long and hard. How would she feel? Rejected? Embarrassed? Used? Maybe all of the above. 
“What are you thinking about?” her therapist, Traci, asked. “And it doesn’t have to come out perfect or sound. Say how you feel.” 
Suddenly, her chest heaved as her breaths grew deeper. Her tongue circled her teeth and her eyes welled with tears. “I love him. I always have, in one way or another. But, I cherish what we’ve got and I just don’t—“ she sighed deeply. “I’m afraid for it to be ruined and I lose another man that I love.” 
Traci hummed. “So, you love him. Always have, you’ve built a good friendship with him, which could be a solid foundation for a potential romantic relationship, which he seemingly wants, but you’re afraid that it would go wrong and you’d lose him. What else are you afraid of?” 
“Just…that I won’t be more than a body to keep his bed warm. That’s why my ex and I split. Sure, we were together, but he was more invested in sex than he was in cultivating and strengthening our relationship. Intimacy is important, but only being desired for your body does something to a girl. I don’t want that…and so I’m afraid of being nothing more than a warm body. And now I’m upset because I teetered on my boundaries which were no sex with anyone that wasn’t my significant other. I don’t have a significant other, Traci. I have a best friend…or had.” 
Anvika’s voice shook as she spoke. She fiddled with the necklaces stacked around her neck. 3 gold necklaces—Queen Nefertiti, a heart, and the number 44. Traci’s eyes followed her hands. “What’s 44 stand for?” 
Anvika’s hands stalled. Her voice was quiet: “It’s his racing number. He races today.”
“You wear it often?” 
Anvika nodded. 
“Why?” Traci pressed, pushing her glasses above her head. 
“It helps me feel close to him when he’s away. He’s always away.” 
Another hum came from Traci. “Does he wear anything that represents you?” 
It was small. A simple word on his neck was often hidden by his braided hair. Completion. The definition of her name. He’d gotten it a year prior and never told her until she was helping him take his braids down and noticed the fresh ink there. Her heart grew three sizes that day. 
Anvika swallowed thickly. “My name means strong and complete. He has completion tattooed on his neck.”
Traci chuckled in amusement. Breakthrough was happening. 
“Sounds to me that the relationship the two of you have goes deeper than you’d like to admit. You shouldn’t beat yourself over the night you shared with him. We all have moments where we teeter-totter. And even though you didn’t want to, you did. But not only did you do it, you did it with a man who cherishes you, who honors you, who respects you. He is still your closest friend, but who is to say that your lover shouldn’t first be your friend? The choice is yours and I will walk with you through whatever decision you make. Just take the time to think about it, Anvika.” 
She’d thought about it every day since. 
+
Misery wasn’t a state he found himself in often, let alone one that he allowed himself to bask in. He was a firm believer in not allowing his circumstances to permanently alter his mood; his actions proved that he wasn’t the believer he thought he was. 
His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. His words were more limited than usual. His animations were not quite animated. He was going through the motions day by day, a boring routine that grew exhausting. He was better than this and he knew it. But, his usual methods of taking a run, spending time with loved ones, and giving in to his sweet tooth didn’t help. If anything, they made him feel worse. All because they were activities they did together. It seemed as though his entire life was attached to her and it drove him mad. 
He didn’t think there’d be a day where his mood would be affected by his disconnect from her. And it manifested physically. Lewis was tired often, which was a symptom of the fast-paced lifestyle, but for it to show in his eyes and the slowness of his movements was a clear indication that he was not okay. 
Lewis sighed into his pillow as his phone dinged once again. If he could throw it away, he would. His eyes glanced at the screen. Ani. The fourth message he’d received from her and the fourth time he wouldn’t reply. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t have much to say.
You raced well, it read. I hope you’re doing well…I hope we cross paths again when you’re ready. 
He grappled with responding. His heart yearned to speak with her but his mind overpowered his ability to pick up the phone. What would he respond with? Thanks, not ready to see you because you hurt my heart and made me feel rejected. Talk soon. He’d be damned. 
He did a double-take after a moment. You raced well. She watched? His heart twisted. She attended every race she could, amid screaming fans jumping for joy. He could still hear her strained voice chanting his name when he walked on the track. 
“Lewis!” 
His conversation with the gentleman ahead of him was stopped. The racer apologized graciously and turned to see Anvika at the top of the bleachers waving excitedly. It was her first international race and she was over the moon to be there. He chuckled and beckoned her down. 
She shuffled through the bleachers and was soon guided by a security guard to where he stood. She smiled widely. “So, how do you feel?” Her hands grabbed his own and squeezed. She was about to burst. 
“I feel good,” he said with a smile. “How do you feel?” 
“I’m so excited! I hardly ever leave the country unless it’s for business, so to be here and supporting you--so exciting!” The small bounce she did had the jewelry around her neck bobbing. His eyes dropped to her exposed collarbone--Nefertiti, a gold heart, and the number 44. Bright and shiny like it was brand new. His eyebrow raised. “That new?” His finger curled around the chain, tugging softly. The action had her stumbling toward him. 
“Oh, this?” she quipped. “Yeah. I’m not too much of a jersey girl but I couldn’t come without repping you at all. My hat’s up there with Onyx.” She pointed to the bleachers. She hoped it didn’t get swiped--she made him sign it. 
The smile on his face matched hers. For them to have been friends, she cared for him in ways that would have people assuming otherwise. Wearing someone’s name or number around your neck, closest to your heart, spoke volumes. And she’d chosen to do it for him. The honor he felt was immense. Lewis wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips against her forehead. “You, my love, are a gem.” 
“Jeez,” he huffed as he buried his head further into the pillow. Soon, his pillow was wet with tears. He hated to admit how much he missed her. How much he craved hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, or feeling the weight of her when she’d fall asleep on his shoulder. He missed her. 
+
They crossed paths the following Monday after the Met Gala. Lewis was waiting in a lobby for his car to arrive when he heard her call his name in hopes he’d respond. It was an awkward reunion. Neither party knew what to say or what to do. Anvika was surprised he’d spoken to her and Lewis was gobsmacked at her beauty. 
“You look beautiful,” he said after some time.
She always claimed red wasn’t her color, but she proved herself wrong and proved himself right. Her dress was much different than what she normally went for and it only emphasized the impact she made once she hit the carpet. The scarlet red complimented the richness of her complexion beautifully and the rose-like details were stunning. And her heels were like liquid gold on her feet. She’d done her hair differently as well. Her dark brown hair was pressed and in an intricate updo that showcased her ethereal features from her dark eyebrows to her round lips. Anvika Dawson was a gem. 
Anvika smiled small, feeling flustered under his intense gaze. Her hands smoothed the material of her dress. “Thank you. You do, too.” And she meant it. He was an ethereal being. She often wondered if he was real. Her fingers clawed at her dress as she fought the urge to run her fingers cross his shoulder. 
He was dressed to the nines and in her opinion, had been the best dressed gentleman there. She always adored him in black. It made him look powerful and like the king of the room. And his skin, rich and golden, glowed beneath the ambient lights. 
Silence covered the two of them like a thin blanket--uncomfortable. Lewis couldn’t remember a time when he was uncomfortable in her presence…until now. Moments later, his security detail let him know the car was present. He prepared to bid his farewells but was stopped by Anvika’s hand on his arm. 
“Wait…are you staying at the hotel with the…” In a nervous ramble, she went on and on describing the luxurious building she was put in on behalf of her agency. It was 22 stories tall with the most beautiful lights surrounding the entryway, a maroon carpet leading into the foyer, and a surplus of botanical plants that made her feel as though she was walking through a palace. Lewis, amused by her nervous tangent, nodded.
Anvika’s eyes lit up with hope. “Will you…if you’re up to it…will you stop by, please? I-I’m on the 14th floor, room 44. Will you please just,” she sighed deeply and tore her eyes from his just momentarily, “I miss you, Lewis. And…”
And there it was. He stammered slightly and suddenly felt small under her hopeful gaze. He missed her too. He nodded once more. Anvika released the breath she had no clue she held and assured him she’d be there whenever he decided to come, just to let her know. Before he was whisked away by security, he heard her voice in his ears once again, “Thank you.”
+
Anvika’s feet nearly burned holes in the floor as she paced around her suite. Her thumb was in her mouth, a chewtoy for her nerves. Her eyes cut toward the small wall clock near the bathroom. He said he’d arrive within an hour. Two minutes late. Would he show up? Her heart was a snare drum in her chest as she contemplated her emotions. 
“Calm down,” she ordered herself, though it came out muffled as her teeth drug down the side of her thumb, pulling a tag of sensitive skin with it. She winced when she tugged too hard. “Dammit.” 
Then, there was a soft knock. Her head shot up and a gasp came from her. He came. Anvika frantically patted her hair, hoping that her bun didn’t look awful, and sped over to the suite door. She took a deep breath before pulling it open. She smiled small, “Hi.” She moved out of the way to welcome his presence. 
Falling into natural order, Lewis made his way toward the couch in the living area of the suite. He sat off to the side, nearest the right arm of the couch with his hands in his lap. She sat at the opposite end with her knees toward inward, brushing against his gently. His eyes were glued to the floor. The tenseness made her uneasy. 
She cleared her throat awkwardly and played with the loose strings at the cuff of her (his) oversized sweatshirt. “I had a therapy session not too long after everything happened,” she began. Her admission made him look at her. His eyes, once so full of life and love, were just as dull as the walls surrounding them. “We had what they call a breakthrough. You know, finally getting to the root cause of why we think, act, and speak the way we do. And it was humbling, to say the least…to realize that I hurt you in a way I never thought I was capable of.” 
She chuckled breathlessly but nothing was funny. Her tongue circled her teeth, a nervous habit, as she fought to keep the tears at bay. Lewis’ eyes, prickling slowly, stayed on her. 
“You left. And that hurt me. But you left because I hurt you. That hurt even more. And I am so sorry. You’ve been nothing but good to me and I let my own fears and insecurities cloud my judgment. I was so focused on not screwing up our friendship that I managed to do it anyway because I was neglecting how you’d feel, too.” 
He listened intently. So, she continued, “You asked what I was scared of. I never gave you a clear answer, not because I didn’t know, but because I didn’t want to be honest with you. And simply put, the idea of not only loving another man but losing another man that I love scares me. You already know I was in that messed up situation where I was nothing more than a trophy and a warm body. I didn’t want to be that for any man again. I swore I would never be that for any man again.”
Lewis’ eyes softened and for the first time since they sat down, he spoke, “You know you’re much more than that.” His hand then found its way to her thigh, caressing it softly. 
Anvika gave a closed-lipped smile. “And, um…I was upset because I had these strict boundaries, you know, no significant other means no type of intimate activity, right? I crossed that line with you and I beat myself up over it. In my head, I totally rejected this order I placed on myself and just felt internally guilty because at the time, I thought that was the beginning of experiencing heartache again. That manifested into a fear of ruining our friendship because we’d never crossed a line like that before. We went from friends to lovers in the span of 12 hours, and Lewis, that was a crazy shift.
“You always hear stories about people trying the relationship thing with their friends and they end up never speaking again. You mean too much to me for us to never speak again, so when I say I was miserable, that’s what I mean, especially because I put us in this position. None of this excuses what I did, but it was time to finally be honest. I’m sorry.” 
Silence. She hated silence. Especially when it was uncomfortable. He still hadn’t said anything but she saw the wheels turning in his head. She watched as his eyes darted from left to right, a sign that he was running through a series of logical thoughts--a million a minute. She waited patiently for his response. 
“I felt rejected,” he said softly. “Like I was good for that moment where you let loose but then after that…” 
Anvika sighed heavily. The  conversation was going deeper than she anticipated. 
Lewis dropped his hand from her thigh and brought it to his face, rubbing softly. “When you care for someone all you want to do is be there for them. To be someone that gives them the love, honor, and respect they deserve. I’ve seen how these situations have broken you down and ruined your self-esteem and trust in men, and yet, deep down even while simply being a friend, all I wanted to do was love you and show you differently. So when that happened…what I thought was placed in my grasp was taken just as quickly as it was given. And I would think, is the thought of being with me that bad? That does something to a person, Ani.” 
There was a strain in voice as he asked her what he’d been thinking for weeks. Her confessions gave more insight on why she acted the way she did, but just as she said, it didn’t change the fact that he was hurting. But, to lay his heart on the table the way he wanted with her awaiting ears was relieving. Maybe they would get somewhere.
“I know, darling, and I am sorry,” she said quickly between his words, but quickly retreated so he could continue. “Keep going…” 
“I can’t make you love me the way I love you, I can’t make you mean it in the way that I do, and I can’t make you want something more with me,” he said truthfully though the thought pained him. “So if friends is what keeps you in my life then--”
“I want to try,” Anvika cut him off. His eyes cut to her. His heart began to pound in his chest. “I was told that your lover should be your friend. I’ve experienced you as my friend for six years and I’m starting to understand that it’s okay for those lines to blur, but I only want that with you. If you’ll still have me.” Though her words ceased, her eyes, filled with tears, pleaded with him. Lewis exhaled.
You, my love, are a gem.
+
At that moment, Anvika understood why people made love often. She wasn’t a very sexual person, opting for other forms of intimacy to deepen her relationship with her partner. But when it came to Lewis, she knew he would have her addicted and yearning for more. 
He was so attentive to the needs of her body and gentle in executing them. He was patient, knowing he was the first man she’d been with in four years and that alone made her desire for him grow greater. 
Each graze of his lips against her jaw, sensual caress of her chest, and deep thrust had her singing his name. It was the sweetest song he’d heard. 
Lewis made love to her slowly, just as she requested. 
“Can you go slow, please?” Her voice was hardly above a whisper. 
“Whatever you want, baby.”
He was used to things moving fast, but he was willing to slow down as much as necessary. Plus, it gave him the opportunity to take in every face she made as he dug deep into her. 
Anvika was pressed against him, her legs trembling around his waist as he guided her movements. Her head was thrown back as she succumbed to the pleasure she’d been without for so long. Her jaw hung as a string of profanities fell. Lewis couldn’t help but chuckle. “Feel good, baby?” 
Anvika let out a breathy whine as her body grew warmer and warmer. The whine turned into a sharp gasp when Lewis’ tattooed hand slithered around her neck and squeezed. “Lewis.” His action made her jerk against him. 
“I asked you a question, beloved,” he whispered against her jaw, peppering kisses along her damp skin. 
Anvika nodded, “Yes! So good.” Lewis turned her head and brought his mouth to hers—a heated exchange of moans and passion transferred from one to another. “I love you.” The words fell from her lips as she reached her peak.
To be loved. Against her skin, he whispered back, “I love you.”
+
The water felt amazing against her skin as she stood beneath the rainfall-like water head. It soaked her once pressed hair, causing it to shrink and revert to its natural state. When Anvika wiped the water from her race, she saw Lewis staring at her, eyes full of love with hints of lust.
“What?” she asked innocently, welcoming the forthcoming feeling of his hands at her hips. 
“You’re pretty,” he said simply. He swirled a strand of her hair around his finger and watched as it recoiled. Her big eyes followed his movement. “Very pretty.”
Anvika smiled like a school-girl who found out her crush liked her back. “You are, too.” She pecked his lips and prepared to turn toward the water again but was halted by Lewis pressing her against the wall, hiking her leg up, and capturing her lips in a soul-snatching kiss. 
She whimpered and tossed her arms around his shoulders. His hand slid between them, his fingers dancing along her most sensitive place, working her up. “Can I?” His arousal nudged her thigh, desperate to get a release in her warmth. 
“Yes…”
+
They ordered takeout and ate comfortably on her bed whilst Sex in the City played on the television in the background. They were bare as the day they were born, but it didn’t spark the same excitement as it did just hours before. It felt natural and domestic. 
Anvika sat on his lap, eyes fixed on the television screen as he fed her their shared vegan pasta. The sounds of her heavy chewing made him laugh. “Is it good?” She hummed.
“You’re the only person that could convince me to eat vegan food.”
Lewis shrugged with a lazy smile, claiming for himself what she did not take off the fork. “Because I’m magical.” 
Anvika giggled and nodded, pressing her lips against his. “You are, darling, and I love you because of it.” 
Lewis wouldn’t get used to hearing that. What scared her before came so naturally in the moment and he was so thankful that it did. He finally got what he wanted and he’d never let her go. 
He smiled and it finally reached his eyes, “I love you more.”
And it was so.
258 notes · View notes
katelynnwrites · 3 months
Text
There Ain't No Love (Like Our Love) | Sydney Lohmann
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warnings: some angst
word count: 1890
summary: syd suddenly gets insecure and worried about the age difference in your relationship with her
a/n: requested :)
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Humming quietly, you push your face further into the crook of your girlfriend’s neck.
She smells heavenly and she must feel you moving around because her arms tighten around your waist.
‘Too early.’ Sydney grumbles.
You chuckle and press a good morning kiss onto her skin.
‘Love you sonnenschein.’
‘I love you more.’ She whispers.
Laughing softly, you cup her face with your hand.
Tenderly, you stroke your thumb across her cheekbone. It’s an act of immeasurable adoration, one that has your girlfriend’s heart skipping a beat.
‘Not possible.’ You murmur.
‘Believe me it is. I love you. I love you.’ She declares, as she sits up to kiss you properly.
Her lips move against yours with purpose, as she pours every ounce of her affection for you into it.
You sigh happily and the midfielder leans over you, pushing her advantage as she swings her leg over your body to straddle you.
With the way she’s kissing you, you know you are not getting out of bed anytime soon.
******
You’re right.
Both you and Syd rush into the locker room, just a fraction of a minute on time.
As you sit down in your cubby and begin to hurriedly put your boots on, Klara teases, ‘Had a late night?’
‘No. Not that it’s any of your business.’ You huff.
‘Okay kleine.’ The forward sings.
‘Not a baby.’
You know she’s riling you up and yet, can’t help but retort.
Klara laughs, ‘How old are you again?’
‘One week away from turning nineteen.’
‘Exactly! A child! The fans call you Baby Bayern for a reason.’
She flounces out of the room with a look of delight and you roll your eyes, shoving your shin pads into your socks.
‘Very mature.’ Giulia mocks.
You jump, having not noticed her earlier and groan, ‘Oh not you too.’
‘Relax…I meant her. For all of your eighteen years, you’re far more mature than we give you credit for. Certainly more responsible and sensible than Klara. Except when you let her get under your skin of course.’
Your teammate adds the last sentence cheekily and you smile.
‘Thanks Giuli.’
******
In training, you partner up with Syd as usual but when you give her a grin, she only responds with a small smile.
You don’t know what to make of it but try to assure yourself that she is simply tired.
It’s after the first drill, when she gets Georgia to switch with her that you know for certain that something is wrong.
Never once in your entire relationship or your previous friendship with her has she done that.
It throws you off and while you try your best to remain focused on practice, your passes do not connect and you miss easy shots on goal.
You’re an anxious mess by the time training ends and everyone can see it.
Everyone but your girlfriend apparently.
You spend a long time in the showers, trying to get rid of your thoughts under the hot water.
When you emerge, Sydney is gone.
The both of you had come together and with the blonde taking her car, you’re left without a ride.
You must look lost as you stand in the car park because Magda and Pernille take pity on you, offering to drop you off.
‘Syd’s place or yours?’ Magda asks gently and you hesitate before answering.
‘Mine please.’
Your voice is small but your words reflect how you are feeling. You don’t want to see Sydney right now.
You don’t say much for the duration of the car ride and when you reach your apartment, Pernille gets out of the car with you, to give you a tight hug.
One that you soak in and appreciate all the more because of how badly you need it.
‘Call if you need anything. Even if you just need someone to talk to.’
‘Especially if you need someone to talk to.’ Magda calls out.
‘Thank you.’ You softly say and give your teammates a little wave before you disappear inside the building.
******
Your apartment is cold and empty. It’s dusty too because you haven’t been here in weeks.
Not since you unofficially moved in with the midfielder.
Sydney had cleared two of her drawers and set aside half of her closet space for you, three months ago.
Your toiletries and hairbrush are in her bathroom, your makeup and perfume on her vanity table.
You live there now. Her apartment is your home too.
Maybe for not much longer though.
Because Sydney gives you stone cold silence. You check your phone repeatedly for the rest of the day but she doesn’t text or call.
When you curl up to sleep alone, you can’t help but cry.
How could a day that started so perfectly end in a completely opposite way?
******
Turning up to training the next day, you can feel everyone’s eyes on you and your blotchy cheeks.
Klara takes you aside immediately.
For all of her teasing, she cares deeply about you. Like an older sister, she can be very protective.
‘What’s wrong? Please don’t lie to me. I know something is wrong and if yesterday was anything to go by, it has to do with Sydney.’
She squeezes your hand and you feel the shaky dam you built overnight break.
Everything comes out in a rush, ‘She had Georgia switch with her during training. She left me here and didn’t say anything. Klara, is my relationship with her over? I-Is this her way of breaking up with me? I don’t know what to think.’
You sob and the forward pulls you into a tight hug.
‘I don’t know what’s going through her head but I don’t think she’s breaking up with you. She loves you. Everyone can see that.’
‘I know she loves me but I don’t feel it now.’
You muffle your crying in Klara’s shoulder and that is the reason why you don’t see Sydney until it’s too late.
‘I’m sorry.’ She breathes.
You flinch and she sucks in a deep breath, hurt flashing across her own eyes. You have never rejected her before but she guesses that in this current situation, she deserves it.
‘I am so sorry.’
The blonde looks like she has been crying herself, the entire night if the dark circles under her eyes are anything to go by.
You don’t know what to do. It’s one thing for you to be hurting and another for your girlfriend to be hurting too. No matter how much pain and confusion she puts you through, you will always care about her.
Sydney takes your lack of response as a refusal and she begs, ‘Please…I love you. Can we talk?’
The German woman’s face falls even further when you still don’t say anything. In fact, you squeeze Klara’s hand in yours even more tightly.
Your girlfriend sniffles but meaningfully says, ‘Okay. I understand that you need some time. Text me when you’re ready to talk. I’ll wait for you. I’m always going to wait for you.’
She turns back around to leave, quickly doing so to hide her falling tears but you quietly tell her, ‘Stay. We can talk.’
Letting go of your friend’s hand, you try to give her a reassuring smile.
Klara doesn’t buy it but respects your decision, kissing your cheek gently and leaving. She shuts the door behind her with a click, giving you and Syd privacy.
As soon as she does, Sydney is trying to explain herself, ‘I’m sorry I made you feel like I don’t love you. I do. I love you so much that every important person in my life has heard your name. Everyone I know will have to know you to understand me. That is how deep of an imprint you have left on me. I hope you will continue to do so forever.’
‘Oh.’ You breathe, not expecting the blonde to say anything of the sort.
‘I’m sorry.’ She says again.
‘I don’t understand. Why’d you have Georgia change with you? Why did you leave without me and not say anything? Syd, are you breaking up with me?’
‘No….I-I don’t want to break up with you. Not unless you want to break up with me.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I mean that Klara is right. What she said about you…’
‘Me?’
Your confusion is growing with every word out of the midfielder’s mouth and you shake your head, ‘Sonnenschein, help me understand? I don’t want to break up with you.’
‘You are just about to turn nineteen. I’m twenty three.’
‘Sydney?’
‘Klara said you’re a baby and I know you are not but there is still a four year age difference between us.’
‘Does that bother you?
As hard as you try to keep it from happening, your voice still wobbles.
Your girlfriend squeezes her eyes shut for a moment before opening them with a quiet sigh.
‘No. But the fans judge. Our teammates might judge.’
‘Syd!’
There is no mistaking the anger that is rushing through you and the blonde winces.
‘Are you serious? You wait till we’re almost a year into our relationship to think about that? To want to back out?’
Sydney’s hazel eyes widen considerably, ‘No! I’m just worried that their words might affect you. That you might be hurt by whatever they have to say. I love you but I can love you from afar if it means it will be easier for you.’
You give her a shove, ‘Fuck you for being such an idiot sonnenschein.
‘What?’
‘I love you. I love you for being you but did it not cross your mind to talk to me? You spiraled and I could have pulled you out of it.’
‘I’m sorry.’ She mumbles.
‘I don’t care what anyone else says. You love me and I love you. Both our families support our relationship and none of our teammates have ever said anything less than positive. That’s all that matters to me. It’s enough for me, is it enough for you?’
‘You are enough for me.’ The German woman breathes.
‘Then let it go Syd. Don’t worry about all the outside noise and simply focus on us.’
Your girlfriend stares at you for a long moment before letting out a sob.
Tentatively, she asks, ‘Can I kiss you?’
Smiling through your tears, you tiptoe and kiss her gently in answer.
The blonde midfielder audibly sighs in relief.
‘Don’t know what I did to deserve you.’ She murmurs against your lips in between kissing you, one, two, three, four times.
‘I’m going to make it up to you. Won’t let my thoughts spin me around again and if they begin to, I swear I won’t shut you out. I’ll talk to you.’
‘Okay.’ You whisper and lean fully into her arms, as she presses one last kiss onto your forehead.
Her fingers delicately brush loose strands of hair out of your face and she cradles your face in her hands before she drops her hands in favour of hugging you.
‘I love you. Endlessly.’ Your girlfriend promises, holding you tightly against her.
‘I love you too and just to be clear, you’re not breaking up with me and I’m not breaking up with you?’
Sydney groans at your slight teasing.
‘No. Never.’
You laugh and slip your hand into hers, ‘Good.’
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German Translations:
kleine - little one
sonnenschein - sunshine
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mnnuni · 18 days
Text
Domestic
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Sam Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean's perspective of Sam and Reader's relationship; Sam and Reader are two cutie patooties Words: 1450 Warnings: none, very fluffy Author's note: I actually don't know if I love this or I hate it
A solid faithful relationship into the hunters' field was almost rare: if they were married they were either consummed for loss or full of affairs and if they had boyfriends or girlfriends they will fight for the distance or the different visions of life. And then there was the rarity, the true love cases, the one in which they would share their life of hunters as easily as a piece of bread.
Dean Winchester never really believed in those rareness, never really believed in love in general... that was untill he really saw Sam and (Y/N) together.
Their love started slowly, it was one of that things that people would say "we already knew" when they eventually announced their relationship.
Dean was convinced that Sam's heart decided from the very beginning of their story that he would beat out of his ribcage only for her in his entire life; Dean saw it in the way Sam didn't just pass (Y/N) the milk and sugar for her coffee for her second cup of that day on their first case together, but he put them in her mug while she read out loud some articles for Dean. Sam didn't put much thougth in that action, but when she realized (Y/N) blushed because he remebred the exact order and amount of products she used after only one time.
But Dean also knew that he approved of their relationship when it was him that proposed to Sam to pick the impala and take (Y/N) somewhere special, just because she deserved all the effort his brother could put in a date and even more. Sam wasn't so surprised about that because he also saw how Dean had grown fond of (Y/N), to the point she was the only girl ever that didn't receive the "hurt my brother and I will end you" speech but it was the other way around.
When (Y/N) confined in Dean one night he really wasn't expecting what she was telling him, after more than an year of being officially with Sam.
"I know he loves me" that was her premise, and Dean could have screamed "WE ALL KNOW" but he let her keep going "but sometimes i whish things were easier" at this the Whinchester quirked an eyebrow and Y/N started rumbling then "I'm not saying it isn't easy with Sam, I just want to say that ... there's never a period of peace in our kind of lifes and we all accepted this when we decided to be hunters, but sometimes I find myself of dreaming one night together without running from something or cleaning up eachother scars... I need normality"
Dean knew that this was also Sam's dream, his little brother wanted this since Stanford, but he also knew that both of them needed to hunt because that was what gave them the hope to make the world a better place and the adrenaline that every man and every woman would need to go throu life.
After this conversation with (Y/N), Dean almost ran to Sam to order him to organize something special for his lady; he wasn't surprised to find him already writing a list of things he wanted to do with her, "I know I didn't give her the right amount of attention these past weeks, shoul I go for a picnic or romantic restaurant?". Dean tried not to smile at his answer, even if he really admired how Sam could know how his girlfriend felt withouth even say anithing and his commitment to their relationship; "The picnic is cute, but not for this time of the year. No reastaurant. She needs something calm, be domestic dude"
He left him like this to think of something, he was sure his brother would have find the right thing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day Sam was adjusting one of the bunker's biggest room, he bought a projector and a too big amount of movies -even if he thought that he could never do too much for (Y/N)-
He asked Dean to help him put her favorite couch in there and order a lot of her favourite snacks.
Dean was really proud of how Sam behaved with (Y/N) and for (Y/N), never saw him so whipped for no-one.
When (Y/N) got out of her shower, she was ready to jump into Sam's bed and sleep for two days if she could; instead she found Dean in the kitchen with a blindfold in his hands, "I promise, you will lovee what you'll see after this" he winked and then put it on her face.
"I swear to God Dean, if you're tricking me..." they were walking a pat she never did in the bunker "oh please you love me too" "if you think so...", Dean stopped her in front of a purple metal door and took the blindfold off "oh i know so" he whispered and then proceeded to walk away from there.
(Y/N) was left to wonder what the hell was going on when Sam opened said door and smiled "Hi", it had the same emotion he carried during their first date, (Y/N) smiled too and got on her tiptoes to give him a light kiss. He grabbed her hand and walked her into the room, she would have cried if she realized sooner everything there was in that room.
"You did all this for me?!"
It was clear in her voice that she was emotional in that moment and Sam hated the fact that she underestimated her value for him, "baby, that's nothing. Perhaps I should have done something sooner when I first started to notice you needed some time alone" "thank you". Sam smiled and gave her a kiss.
When they finally settled onto the couch (Y/N) was analyzing every detail there was in Sam's preparation: he put three blankets on the couch 'cause he knew he was too tall to tall for them both be covered entirely just by one and also added few pillows because (Y/N) loved the fluffy feeling of them while watching a movie; he made a little table with every kind of chips the market sold and four bottles of her favorite soda, on the shelf under it there were two or three packages of cookies too. Sam also organised something like fifteen movies, all divided by genre and number of stars (Y/N) gave them when they first talked about it.
Sam chose the first movie of the night -obviously a musical- and settled next to his girlfriend. She was so fucking happy about all Sam had done for her.
(Y/N) put her head on his chest while Sam's arm was around her shoulders, drawing figures on her arms to make her relax some more.
Dean snuck in after the first two songs of the musical and rested with one shoulder leaned on the doorframe to look at them: they were adorable. At first when they were on their honeymoon phase Dean felt the need to puke every two seconds, but now he loved to look at them from afar and be happy of their happiness
(Y/N) lifted her head to look at Sam: he was so focused on the screen,the lights of the scenes illuminated his face in a way that made his eyes sparkle.
"I love you", she whispered and Sam's face turned instantly. She still blushed when Sam looked at her that way, "and I love you".
Dean didn't see the kiss because he closed the door immediately after his brother said those words, that was another of the things that made Dean root for them: they never said "I love you too", like they had to say it just because or to not be in an embarrassing situation; every time they proclaimed their love for eachother they made sure to let the other know how much they actually loved eachother and how they really believed in what they said with that "I love you".
Sam and (Y/N) watched another movie and a documentary, they finished almost all the chips and sodas. After about the half of the documentary (Y/N) fell asleep snuggled up to Sam, who was massaging her head -he already knew that after one cookie she was about to pass out, so he made sure to get her in the most comfortable position and help with his hands in her hair to allow the sleep to finally set-
Dean never got back in that room, because he knew that they would have fallen asleep eventually. He made himself a burger and drank one too many beers, but it didn't matter because that night Dean too slept so well knowing that his brother and his sister were okay.
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ghostkennedy · 1 year
Text
I Would Never Let You F**k Me
~Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader~
Word count: 1196
This is my writing for @myrarenee ‘s ask that I have copied below:
This isn’t really a question but I think a Leon Kennedy smut where he hacks his best friends camera system and watches her fuck herself with his names on her lips. And one day she get snippy and says “id never let you fuck me” or something of the sort. He just grips her jaw and says “Sweetheart, I’ve been watching you fuck yourself while moaning my name.” “Why don’t we make it real this time”
!!!!!!!MINORS DNI! GHOSTKENNEDY IS STRICTLY 18+!!!!!!!
“But our babies would be so cute. It’s theoretical, you can agree to a stupid deal that probably won’t come to fruition,” Leon teased you. The both of you lazily sat on the couch, watching some shitty rerun on TV that you weren’t really paying attention to. You’d be lying to yourself if you claimed this whole conversation between the two of you didn’t make your heart flutter in your chest. He’s your best friend, the only guarantee in your life. Everything could go to shit and Leon would still show up and show out for you. You’d been crushing on him since the two of you met so many years ago.
He could so easily jokingly flirt with you, because unlike you, he wasn’t repressing feelings in order to preserve your friendship. You’ve fucked up so many things in your lifetime and you refused to let Leon be another one. All you could do was shake your head, “We are full ass adults, Leon. You don’t need some agreement with someone to marry and have kids if you don’t have it figured out in ten years. You’ll find somebody and will breed your spawn, you will be just fine.”
You stared at Leon as he pouted at you. Once this man had his mind set to something, it was impossible to persuade him another way. You sighed before speaking, “You do realize babies don’t magically appear right? Like we’d have to have sex to make one. Me, you, fucking. That thought alone should be enough to get your mind off your ridiculous deal.” He gasped and acted horrified at the mere thought, clutching his chest causing you to laugh hysterically. 
“Are you trying to hurt my feelings? I don’t think I’m that bad in bed, good god. I think we’d figure it out just fine,” he continued to insist on his idea. All you could do was roll your eyes at him. “Hey don’t roll your eyes at me! I haven’t had any complaints from the ladies who have taken a ride on the Leon-” you couldn’t bare to let him finish his sentence.
You snapped, “Just drop it okay? I would never let you fuck me.” Your tone was so much harsher than you intended, but you were desperate to drop this conversation. You didn’t want to go there with him right now. It’d be putting too much at stake and you couldn’t allow anything to ruin your friendship. A hurt look washed over Leon’s face and you felt so guilty. You were getting ready to apologize, to back track, maybe even just agree to his little idea, but then a smirk slowly grew on his face. He can be so confusing at times.
“Liar,” he suddenly proclaimed and you cocked an eyebrow up at him. You were ready to ask him what he meant by that before he continued on, “What do you think about when you touch yourself, hmm? And don’t fucking lie to me.”
You blinked at him, trying to comprehend if he really just said that. “Excuse me-” you started, ready to give him an earful about how inappropriate his behavior was. How none of that is any of his business.
He wasn’t having any of it though. He reached out for you, gripping your jaw tightly, making you stare right into his eyes. “I’ve been watching you, watching how you fuck yourself while moaning out for me. Moaning my name and holding back all those little noises you make. Watching your face as you cum while begging me to fuck you. So yes, you are a liar. How about you be honest with me and tell me exactly what you think about while touching yourself and maybe, just fucking maybe, I’ll give you what you’ve been wanting,” he said in a low, husky voice. Between his firm grip on your jaw and the way he was speaking to you, your traitorous pussy was becoming wet extremely fast.
“How?” you questioned him in an embarrassingly shaky voice. Your throat had run dry, your body slightly trembling as your nerves grew and your anxiousness peaked.
He snickered at you, “Yeah, the government training didn’t teach me anything. Surely, I wouldn’t be able to hack into some pesky little cameras. I gotta be honest sweetheart, the security system you installed is a joke. Someone could so easily access them and watch all the dirty little things you do when you think no one is watching.” With the grip he had on your jaw, he slowly pulled you closer to him until your faces were just inches apart. “Now, you still haven’t answered my question. Cmon, it’s just me, you can tell me,” he told you in a condescending tone.
“I-I,” you struggled to speak between your dry mouth and jumbled thoughts. He gripped your jaw tighter, raising his eyebrows as if he was daring you to test him. “I think about what it’d be like if you tied me up and did whatever you wanted with me,” you tried to turn your head away to avoid his gaze, but his grip on your jaw only got tighter. He gently nodded his head, encouraging you to continue. “I think about you forcing your cock down my throat and telling me how I’m such a good girl for you. About how pretty your cock must be. How you’d spank me if I disobeyed you,” you spoke softly and he hummed in response.
“Sometimes I fantasize about you bending me over and fucking me roughly in front of others. Showing them how well I take your cock. How hard I let you fuck me,” you confessed as you both slowly leaned in closer and closer to each other. “You’d mark me up so everyone knows I belong to you. You’d make sure every step I take for the next week reminds me of you and your cock,” you told him as he closed the gap between your mouths.
His hand slipped from your jaw to your hair as he pulled you impossibly closer. The kiss started slow and sensual, but quickly turned messy and desperate. Leon didn’t leave a single millimeter of your mouth untouched by his tongue.
Without breaking the kiss, he pulled you on top of him to straddle him. You wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands traveled down your sides until they landed on your ass, giving your cheeks a tight squeeze in his big, strong hands. You couldn’t help but whimper beneath his touch.
He pulled away from the kiss, a line of saliva still connecting your mouths together as you both greedily sucked in breaths. Leon reached his hand up, breaking the line of saliva and running his thumb across your bottom lip. He slowly pushed his thumb past your lips and you instantly wrapped your mouth around the digit, sucking it as you stared into his eyes. A moan slipped past his lips at the sight of you like this.
“What do you say sweetheart? Why don’t we make it real this time? You can show me just how much you’d never let me fuck you.”
~masterlist~
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malum-forev · 2 months
Text
Have Had You and Lost You
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I promise I'm uploading Dr.Bee pt 2 after this one, sorry to everyone who was expecting that one but I CANNOT GET OVER EX HUSBAND BUCKY.
"You'll find the juice boxes on the second shelf," You hurry around your kitchen, heels in one hand and your perfume in the other one. "He likes his juice decanted and he'll probably tell you he likes it room temperature but, Wells thinks room temperature means a little cold so you need to put one ice cube in his sippy cup."
Bucky nods, trying his hardest not to laugh. "Decant, room temperature. When did our five year old become a restaurant critic."
"Sometimes I'm afraid we made a mistake by letting him hang out at the Stark mansion." You laugh. "Every time I pick him up, he's learnt a new word and needs to use it at least three times in every sentence."
"Last time he was at my house he called Bluey exquisite." Bucky throws his head back with laughter. As soon as the sound hits your ears you truly feel, for a second, the world has stopped.
It's that same uninhibited laugh that made you fall in love with him all those years ago. You knew his years of torment had built a tall wall around his heart, and having him share these relaxed moments with you meant the world. That laugh was a special thing only the two of you shared.
But reality settled in once he asked the question you've been avoiding.
"So, who is he?"
Your bottom lip became trapped between your teeth as you thought how to answer his question. His blue eyes shifted all over your face, trying to read any expression you gave him.
Maybe you should have told him the truth but, you had been finally getting along after a long and tiresome divorce. So, you decided on a happy medium, no answer at all.
"Hmm," Bucky scratches the stubble on his chin. "You don't want to tell me his name."
"I never said that." You point out, feeling the vein on your temple throb.
"Your tell is a traitor," Bucky hums, running the back of his finger on your temple. "Maybe you don't want to tell me because I know him."
"He's no one." You turned away from him.
"You were never a good liar," Bucky says with a dry laugh. "So, I do know him."
"It's hard for you to not know someone in town, Buck."
"He's someone from around here, then." Bucky's eyebrows shot up.
He has to give it to the mystery man, never in his life did he think someone would have the balls to ask his ex wife on a date. Especially not someone who works in the compound.
Bucky and you had decided it would be best if you and Wells kept living close to him, so the change wouldn't affect your son too much. You'd decided on the town closest to the compound. A sleepy town, a couple of thousand habitants, mostly ex SHEILD agents and their families.
"You're really not going to tell me anything about the guy?"
You slip your heels on, keeping your lips shut.
"Is he a doctor? A nurse?" You roll your eyes.
He continues. "Is he in tech?"
"Better yet!" Bucky snaps his fingers like he's just had the idea of the century. "He's a trainee and I'm his direct superior. That would be the cherry on top."
"We've been on a couple of dates," You finally say something. "Three to be exact."
Bucky raises his eyebrows. "The coveted fourth date."
"Don't." You roll your eyes. "It's not like that."
"I'm not judging," He raises his arms in defense. "I understand you need to get your fix, we're all human, doll."
You groan.
"What?" Bucky comes closer, a sly smile playing on his lips. "You can talk about your sex life with me, darling. I'm not the jealous type."
"Bucky," You say, your tone warning. "you can't be the jealous type."
"There isn't anything here," You wave your finger between the two of you. "To be jealous of."
As you look back up at him, his smile seems forced. Bucky tries to keep his cool attitude up but, you know him too well to believe it.
"I left some money on the countertop so you can order pizza." You change the subject, feeling the air become tense.
"Don't treat me like I'm the sitter." Bucky scoffs. "Wells is my son too, and I can most certainly pay for a pizza."
"I- I" You stuttered. Trying to rack your brain for an apology, maybe explain that you didn't mean it like that but it was cut short by two honks coming from your driveway.
"He can't even ring the fucking doorbell," He scoffs again. "What a catch."
You turn and leave without speaking another word to your ex husband.
As hard as you tried, you couldn't get Bucky's words out of your head. It wasn't helping that your date was more interested in talking about himself and his recent promotion than even asking how your day went.
When had life become this way?
Once upon a time you were a woman who wouldn't settle for less than perfection and respect when looking for a man. You'd even walked out on a fair share of "New York's Elite", which usually meant men working in the finance district who think their dick is holy.
Which is why, when the ever so charming and chivalrous James Buchanan Barnes came into your life, you swore off stupid and unappreciative men.
Now, you're ordering your third glass of wine just so you can bare listening to the man you've accepted a fourth date from.
The dish you've ordered is now cold, and you're in no mood to listen to another word.
And just like that, your guardian angel answers your prayers.
Your phone lights up with a text from Bucky.
Bucky: Wells is fine, fed and asleep. Answer the call if you need to get out of the date.
Not even a few seconds later, your phone rings.
You barely have any time to decide whether you should do this or not. But your body reacts faster than your brain.
"Hello?" You answer shakily, holding a finger up to your date.
"Is he a field agent or a computers guy." Is the first thing Bucky says.
"Wells has a fever? Is he okay?" You say.
"That bad of a date, huh?" Bucky says through the receiver.
Bad date was an understatement. Your date couldn't care less that your son was feeling under the weather, he was too preoccupied looking over the dessert menu. But not even if hell froze over would you tell Bucky that!
"I think it's best if I come back home." You tell your date, getting up from your chair with your bag and coat in hand.
"Wait! One last guess!" Bucky says on the phone. "He's the guy who's in charge of sharpening my knives."
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." You mutter, hanging up the phone and leaving your date behind.
By the time you're back home, Bucky's leaning on the door frame holding two glasses of wine, waiting for you.
You shut the taxi's door and walk past your ex husband and into your house.
"Not a single word." You warn as you pass by Bucky, taking both glasses. You down the first one and get started on the second one.
"Should I keep guessing who the mystery man is or..."
"He's part of Banner's research team," You groan throwing your head back. "There, happy?"
"Happy that the mother of my child is dating some loser who can't even come to the door for her?" Bucky raises his eyebrow. "Of course I'm not happy."
"Well not everyone has the 40's mentality Buck." You sigh, looking down at piece of pizza Bucky heated up for you.
"You're worth it." Bucky's eyes look crystal as they look at you. "All the roses and the dates and the opening of car doors, everything I did for you was because you're amazing and you're worth it."
Words escape your mind.
"I was too much of an idiot to let you go." Bucky looks down at the floor. "But please don't let anyone who won't take the time to cherish you, have you."
"Because to have had you, and lost you, is a pain only those who've truly love you have."
Comments, reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated! Would love to hear your feedback. K thankssss BRB writing Dr.Bee pt 2 as we speak.
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harfanfare · 8 months
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Hey! I really love your "how to win the heart of." Can you do one for Vil? If not that's totally fine I'm just curious.
How to win the heart of Vil Schoenheit?
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Be a fan.
You like to think that the oldest memory you can recall is how you became Vil’s fan.
Until then, the recitals your school took you on were boring. Only in fifth grade, the teachers realise that, hm, maybe ancient plays might be a bit too much for those little brains, and in a spark of determination to change something, your class was taken to watch a staged version of a fairy tale, played by youngsters for youngsters.
The memory of Vil, the villain of the story, entering the scene is much more vivid. Even as a child, he was inarguably elegant and strikingly beautiful, it left you agape and your curious heart beating loudly in your chest.
“It’s better than having a completely fictional crush,” your classmate said after you confessed how much endeared you were by Vil and his acting. You listened as you typed a password to a newly-created Magicam account, solely for following him there. “There is a chance that you and him will be together.”
“A big chance?”
“Uh, like this?” She tries to show how big your chance is with her fingers. She wants to leave a gap between her fingers, but ultimately, they touch, and she puts her hands down. “I mean, we are almost the same age, so maybe you can go to the same high school as him? In a very long future…”
“I am not delusional…”
Nonetheless, the thought did make you hope.
After you reached the age of sixteen, the invitation came. For a whole year — since you saw Vil’s post on his new college choice — you’ve been pondering whether you’ve possessed enough magic talent to get into Night Raven College, the school of chosen. In good dreams, the Magic Mirror deemed your soul to be solely fit for Pomefiore. In nightmares, you were doomed to… well, any other dorm, if you were a student at NRC at all.
And maybe dreams really come true because the future you’ve anticipating has turned into a reality.
“Alright, is everyone from Pomefiore here?” Your heart stops when you hear that wonderful voice, this time not from your phone nor from 100 meters away from the speakers. You turn around, and there he is, Vil Schoenheit in all his glory stands and guides the students to the hall of mirrors. He looks like a portrait, and even if you saw his face thousands of times, the glint in his eyes redeems you speechless. “Congratulations, everyone. We will hold the welcoming introductions at our dorm. Follow me!”
Yes, Vil Schoenheit is your idol. And in the first seconds of meeting him, you were ready to follow him to the end of the world.
‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎
2. Get rejected. Have your heart broken.
“I apologize,” Vil says slowly, and you notice how his voice is a little monotonous. Just a bit, as if he had repeated these words countless times like the lines before a recital. “And while I wholeheartedly appreciate your feelings, [Name], I want to focus on my studies and career. It’s a bad time for me to think about dating. Nonetheless, thank you for being brave and sincere enough to tell me all of this.”
You nod. The pain in your chest gives you goosebumps. It makes your head spin so fast your legs feel unstable as if there is some shift in gravity. You bow with curtsy because every Pomefiore student should be able to do so elegantly even on a space station. “Thank you for listening to my confession.”
“Of course,” he says and looks down at the letter he got from you. It’s neat, somehow cute with how carefully his name is written on it. He holds it gently so as to not crinkle the delicate paper. “I will read the contents tonight.”
“Thank you. No need to write a response,” you force a little chuckle and excuse yourself. You will be overthinking how could you say something like that after you get over your stupid letter and even dumber confession.
Vil doesn’t say anything as you walk a little too fast to keep the step elegant. He sighs at this view and mindfully tucks your letter amid the pages of the book. Now’s the time for history class. He shouldn’t get distracted—
—and soon enough, you’re out of his mind.
That is until he reads your letter.
It's a beautifully crafted confession, put into elegant lettering and a pale pink envelope. It's sealed with red wax in the shape of a perfect heart; if you haven't used magic, it must've taken several evenings to get the precision you wanted.
You’re his fan. He knows it even if you hadn’t pointed it out; the well-tailored sentences betrayed your utter attention on him in the last several years. You’re his fan, but you don’t cheapen yourself. He is the idol you admire and love, but you don’t degrade yourself to a servant or a worshiper. And that is, unexpectedly, uncommon.
The letter is—also—a challenge to yourself. “If you were to reciprocate those feelings, I will prove myself worthy to stand by your side,” it reads.
He likes that letter. Once he finishes it, he skims over the text one last time and puts it between many other letters he has gotten. Between them, another envelope seems unremarkable, yet the words there…
Unforgotten.
He sighs. Maybe he will pay more attention to you from now on.
‏‏‎ ‎
3. Don’t remember all the etiquette rules.
“You wrote in your letter that I've inspired you to learn. Go on, then. Show me how motivated you are.”
So, now Vil bullies you over your letter.
He can’t be satisfied with your scarce etiquette knowledge—he wouldn’t be content if it was decent, as it would be a dishonour to Pomefiore—but amusement crinkles in his eyes at your utter confusion over the numerous forks, knives, spoons and glasses. They’ve been spread out in several rows and columns varying from the oyster forks to champagne flute.
You hesitate. Maybe you could point out which one is the butter knife or sugar spoon, but you never cared enough to discover which fickle knife is a fish knife. Should you be looking for the one with grooves or an extremely thin one? Would it hurt to use a normal knife to eat the salmon?
Oftentimes you’re thankful there is no awkward silence between you and Vil after your confession, but you can’t shake off the impression he’s been harder on you.
“On second thought, maybe I wasn't motivated enough to learn all the names of cutlery,” you say, not daring to try your luck in labelling each piece.
To your surprise, Vil smiles and uses a teasing tone that leaves you stunned and wide-eyed. “Is that so?”
You take a breath and huff, lowering your eyes. “Yes. The power of—,” unrequired, you bite your tongue on that bitter word, “—love ends here.”
Vil cracks another delighted smile. You start suspecting that someone drugged him with a smiling potion, as you should have received a severe scolding by now. You don’t have anything against the change, so the mention of Vil’s (relative) laid-backness goes unmentioned.
“I will have you seated next to me on tomorrow's dinner, so don't even think of slacking off,” he says, putting a hand on your lower back and gently pushing you towards the next table where the heavy textbooks look so very uninviting. “I won't have any student under my wing not know the basic etiquette. Especially if it’s my fan.”
‏‏‎ ‎
4. Have opinions and the courage to voice them.
Because standing for your own makes you flourish in your own colours and not blend into the monotony of the mainstream. Seek truth, good, and beauty and you will bestow the brilliance upon yourself.
‏‏‎
5. Try to have a healthy lifestyle.
You’ve never imagined Vil barging into your room with a tray of food. Why would he? But here you are, sitting in front of an aesthetically pleasing breakfast, mouth-watering pancakes with cream and a bit of honey, and the deep green shake in question that suits the colour palette but probably tastes awfully, like all good stuff packed with vitamins.
“You should never starve yourself if you want to live healthy.”
It’s hard to swallow anything as your dorm leader glares at you, but Vil refuses to leave you before he sees you eating the stuff he brought. You wondered if he prepared the breakfast himself. Probably not.
“No? I thought that keeping a diet is good.”
“If you are dieting you eat,” Vil hisses and sinks a little more into the couch. He brings a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as if he suddenly got struck with a headache. “Oh, heavens. What am I going to do with you?”
“Maybe—”
“Quiet,” it apparently was a rhetorical question. Maybe Vil would be mad at any answer from you as he considers you a fool. He waits until you take another bite of the pancake. “A dinner break will be in two hours, and I expect you to be there.”
“I think I will still be full by that time,” you admit, glancing at a pancake and a half. “These pancakes are savoury but so very filling.”
“Savor them as much as you like,” Vil says somewhat proudly. …Maybe he did make those pancakes? No. He wouldn’t bother this much. The satisfied note in his voice makes you ponder nonetheless. “But you have no excuse for yourself not to sit with us on the meals. Also—”
His gaze grows unexpectedly impish as his eye catches something.
“I will reeducate you on the topic of a healthy lifestyle,” he glances at the bowl of bland lettuce you prepared for yourself. He smiles, either in amusement or light pity. “It should have a little more… spice.”
‏‏‎ ‎
6. Take an interest in high culture.
“It feels like the hellish lessons of Heartslabyul…”
“The Queens’ 810 rules?” Vil’s smile is lopsided and his eyes render into a knowing look once they meet your gaze. “They are nothing compared to a number of customs in etiquette.”
You take a turn. The classes for today might have ended, but if hearing all that useful stuff meant you would walk with Vil back to Pomefiore, you could bear another few minutes of a lecture. You know that everything he tells you about, he already mastered. He wouldn’t teach you anything half-heartily.
“The etiquette of speaking, the dress code, the knowledge of dinner manners (well, you’ve mastered some part of it already, with the cutlery lessons), the control of body language, the indication of voice, the honorifics, the art of writing letters and emails… You don’t want me to list all of the things I expect from you?”
You would like to, because Vil’s voice is beautiful, but the student part of you takes over control and shakes your head. Just like Riddle, who has a reputation for demanding impossible care and inquiring rules, your dorm leader is not much better — maybe even worse, because while Heartslabyul has to oblige the absurd in chosen hours or circumstances, you are on your toes in every moment.
“So much to master in just four years in the NRC…”
“It’s a lot,” Vil says, and he’s the only person you would doubt if he speaks the truth in that matter. Especially if through your walk his strides seemed perfectly calculated and hand gestures finely planned. “But if you put a mind and heart into it, you will learn all of this in no time.”
You hum. It’s hard to think of having any more motivation than from where you were a zealous Vil fan.
You ask (ponder) and he delivers.
“Actually, I have an offer: if you’ll learn it all in ahead of time, I will teach you a dating etiquette.”
What?
“…Dating etiquette?!” You shriek so loudly, that several students turn their heads. You cover your mouth as if it would do something, and ignoring Vil’s delighted gaze, and lower your voice to a whisper. “There is such a thing?”
“Of course. Who should invite who on the first date and where, what gifts can you give and what can you accept, and how to behave with your loved one, like,” he pauses a little, and you almost know he bites the sides of his cheeks to contain himself from smiling, “How to kiss someone in particular situations.”
You want to die. How else should you react? How can he tease you so much when he rejects you? (Not like you were expecting much at the time, yet…)
“There is no kissing etiquette. You tease me…”
“Just a little,” Vil laughs, and you slowly relax. “But take my proposal seriously. If I can give you another motivation to engage in your studies, then I will by all means do so.”
‏‏‎ ‎
7. Get an access to his private Magicam account.
“Do you have Magicam? If you want to, you can add me.”
Vil asks the question. He should have chastised you for mindlessly scrolling through social media because you can probably put your mind and hands to better use. The casual tone surprises you, but the inquiry gets you defensive as if it questioned you being Vil’s fan.
“I’ve already been following you for years,” you declare and pull up your phone.
Before you get to his profile, Vil sighs.
“Not the promotional account,” he says. “Mine.”
You frown. Many times you’ve seen Vil posting the photos on the “promotional account” with his personal thoughts. Maybe because you've been blinded by the elegance and harmony of every post, the idea that he would operate the Magicam profile solely for business purposes has never occurred to you.
“You have another account?” You ask, flabbergasted.
Vil rolls his eyes at the surprise in your tone and sits next to you. Your phone beeps as you get a notification about a new user following you. In a heartbeat, you follow the account back. You almost gape at the pictures there; they are beautiful, elegant, and all in Vil’s manner, but he looks like… a common student. Not ethereally, not otherworldly, but still enchantingly.
“It’s a private profile, so I ask you for discretion. I would like to keep this one for my close friends and family,” Vil says, and you hastily nod, your heartbeat sounding like a drumbeat in your ears. Having access to his personal account felt… personal, ironically.
I would like to keep this one for my close friends — he said that, didn’t he? Does he consider you a close friend?
That’s more than you ever imagined.
And yet you dare to dream for more.
You pull your phone close to your chest. “I feel honoured.”
Vil smiles at the statement. “Of course. As you should.”
‏‏‎ ‎
8. Let yourself be pampered.
“Don’t move,” Vil asks for impossible because you want to bolt as he leans to you once again and only the glare he staggers you with as you push away the urge to close your eyes. You hope the foundation is thick enough to cover a blush that creeps on your face. “You will ruin my work.”
You give up and glance down, earning another heavy sigh from your superior.
“Maybe I should finish the eye makeup myself?” You offer. “I am unused to anyone doing my makeup, so it’s hard not to flinch.”
Your good intentions get ruined as the question aggravates Vil even more because he frowns at you. Staying put and keeping quiet about that whole ordeal would seem like a lovely idea, you question whether your heart could manage another hour in this setup.
“Don’t be absurd,” he says. “We need to handle your sensitivity to the touch or you will struggle in the future if you decide to be a model.”
“I am not—”
“Stop.”
“I—”
“Silence. Be quiet, potato,” he presses his finger to your lips to seal them shut. You feel something sticky, and as his finger traces your lips, you realize it’s the lip gloss, and it’s a very good-smelling one like a strawberry; you didn’t expect something so sweet-tasting to be in Vil’s liked products. “You are under my care now. It also brings me satisfaction to see my skills used on someone.”
“Vil—”
“Shut up,” it’s hard to get offended at him, as he uses such a gentle tone. He takes a good look at your lips and as he glances up at you, probably to see if the colours of the whole makeup are consistent, your mouth goes dry. “Before I tell you to do so, don’t speak. You will mess up with the lip gloss and it’s… difficult to apply one on you.”
What? It’s difficult to apply the lipgloss on you?
Alright**,** you nod, pondering if the lip makeup is really that difficult. Do you have an unusual shape of lips (it’s probably not that?), or is this balm so hard to spread? You sit still, as Vil moves closer to you.
Yeah, except for the touch you need a way to ignore the beating of your heart.
‏‏‎ ‎
9. Move on from your heartbreak.
“Would you like to go out with me today?”
A kind smile convinced you to agree, although you barely recognize the name of the boy standing in front of you. His voice was hopeful, and you were reminded of the time you bore the same expectant expression.
You had no heart to let it fall, not right now, not so quickly, so you paint a delighted smile over your face. “Thank you. I would love to.”
You should’ve done this a long time ago.
For the sake of your friendship with Vil, you decide to stop hoping that the man of your dreams might change his mind after getting to know you better. He found a friend in you, and you would hate to disappoint him with your longing for him.
So, you should distract yourself from him and fall in love with someone else.
Today’s date will be a perfect opportunity.
You dress quite stylishly, not enough to steal all the attention, but enough to impress your date. You put more effort into the makeup this evening and spend some time picking the most fitting jewellery. The perfume you picked is subtle but alluring and chic, an excellent concoction, but you could’ve expected nothing less from Vil’s recommendation.
…It feels kind of wrong to use everything he taught you to prepare for a date, but you would’ve used this knowledge one day either way, no? It’s not like he is your first… and last love.
“I heard a boy from Scarabia have confessed to you,” the familiar voice you love but don’t want to hear like now spooks you. Vil leans on your door frame, and you wonder how much he has stayed here.
“I just agreed on a date,” you say, standing up and adjusting the folds of your outfit. You look him in the eye. “How do I look?”
Vil snorts, and his lips stretch into a mean, devilish smile. “Are you expecting an approving comment from me?”
Asking the fashion icon to rate your outfit might’ve been a wrong move. You shake your head.
“Nevermind. He’ll have to deal with however I am if he doesn’t want me to be late,” after glancing the last time into the mirror and receiving a smile from your reflection, you pick up your phone. “Well then. I shall get going.”
Vil is still, as if he hasn’t been blocking the exit or as if he wanted to keep you here. You would have loved for him to stop you here. It’s hard to stop the disappointment from flooding over your composure when Vil moves away.
“Alright. Your look is satisfactory so that Scarabia boy better be grateful for being able to go out with you,” he says something ambiguous again, and you feel bad for your date who will have to deal with such a lovesick fool as you. “Enjoy your date.”
The pang of pain pierces your heart. You smile slowly and leave the room.
The heartbreak better goes away as soon as possible, or you’ll go crazy if the thought of dating anyone else hurts that much.
‏‏‎ ‎
10. Look kissable.
“You’re late.”
Maybe you are, but you haven’t been expecting Vil waiting for you. He sits on a sofa, a book is in his hand and the tea that was served in front of him looks cold. You can guess he’s been sitting here for a while.
“How did it go?”
“It went well, I think,” you say. The date went well. Yet, you couldn’t have enjoyed it. The throbbing pain in your heart strained each of your smiles, and it surged when the Scarabian student started to be flirty. You felt as if you were cheating. “He is a kind guy. He has some hobbies and is quite charismatic, so… He’s alright.”
Vil hums. “Will you settle on ‘alright’?”
You stare at him wide-eyed, but he doesn’t look bothered at all. He didn’t lift his gaze from his book, and his tone was nonchalant, so he almost seemed not interested. He was. He is because Vil never asks the question to whose answers he doesn’t want to hear.
“Pardon?”
He spares you a glance.
“I thought your resolution was stronger. What happened to the person who confessed to me and was so willing to determine their worth to me?”
“Are you jealous?”
“I am furious,” he lifts from the sofa, the book forgotten. The air around suddenly grows warmer, and the shiver you didn’t mind that much runs down your spine. Vil’s strides are slower than usual, creating an imposing image of himself before he stands just before you. “If you want to set the bar so low, go on. But let me give you a taste of ambition.”
He twists his head so his eyes meet directly yours. He doesn’t touch you — not yet — but you can feel a warm breath on your cheek, and the scent of his light perfume envelops you. You have the urge to move away and cling to him at the same time. They balance, and you stay still.
A taste…
Vil puts a hand on your cheek. The gesture is much softer and more benevolent than when he was putting makeup on you. His eyes lock with yours, your heart stops, and then they drop to your lips. He moves a thumb over them.
And he kisses you.
In your dreams, you had him kiss your hand, the top of your head. The corner of your mouth. In your boldest wishes, you wanted him to kiss you like that, so lovingly, with so much care. It makes you want to push away for more air, but it makes you worry Vil will disappear if you break the kiss, as all the dreams shatter upon the morning.
He moves away, not breathless, yet not unaffected either. His cheeks burn slowly into a red shade, and his eyes look somehow glassy. “I told you, I will give you just a taste.”
How disappointing.
Before you can say something, he pushes a letter between your fingers. Its envelope matches the one you gave him several months ago. “Read it. I want an answer by midnight.”
The big clock on the wall shows you have over three hours. So much time, and you already know the answer. “You will wait this long?”
“I am giving you a chance and hope,” he says with a subtle smile. The blush on his face makes him more beautiful than you’ve ever seen him. “It’s my duty of your idol to do so.”
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jeonqkooks · 9 months
Text
our beloved summer | jjk (07)
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You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.
pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, mentions of oc's mother because we know girlie is hella traumatized, mentions of drinking, mentions of an almost physical fight, abandonment issues, jk forgets to practice safe driving for 2 seconds, and uhmmm kissing 🤫, anddd that cliffhanger? 👀 rating: 18+ (minors dni) word count: 10.8k note (1): this is the longest it has taken me to update obs and i do feel pretty guilty about that. but it's finally here now and this is one of the chapters that i'm the most nervous about posting. massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @wintaerbaer for beta-ing this for me or else i would've screamed cried thrown up and scrapped the whole thing, and to @jeonwiixard for being a wonderful cheerleader as i was writing this, and to everyone in my beloved obs discord server for always being so sweet and kind and putting a smile on my smile every day since the server was created. also to my sunshine ☀︎ for introducing me to the song mentioned below bc HELLO is it not just one of the most obs coded songs ever. love you all my babies <3
series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist join our OBS discord server ✨
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
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Somewhere in the multiverse There's a me and you that works We never fuck it up We're out there still in love Somewhere in the multiverse Maybe that's enough
multiverse - Maya Manuele ft. PEMRBOKE
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Sometimes, whenever you look up at the moon at night, you wonder if Jungkook is doing the same thing.
Even when you fall out of love with someone, it still hurts. It hurts because you once loved them so much it felt like the sky would collapse if you couldn’t be with them. It hurts because the love wasn’t taken from you, but rather it started slipping away on its own, more and more each day until you realize you’re holding onto nothing when there once was everything.
You can’t say that you’re too familiar with that kind of hurt though. You’ve never fallen out of love before.
You don’t think Jungkook is too familiar with it either, at least not when he left you.
You wonder if he thinks about you from time to time and gets sad. You think he does, because you know that he loved you. Something ended for him too. The memories that you shared were his memories too.
You hope that it’s painful for him whenever thoughts of you cross his mind, because that would mean that he cares. That a part of him still cares.
And if he still cares, then he might come back.
Despite the front that you try to parade around, there is a part of you that will always leave your heart vacant for him, regardless of whether or not he would return. It’s a scary thought, one that you would rather avoid at all costs, one that says there will be no one that you love more than you loved Jungkook. Maybe there can’t be another person that you will love at all.
You can come back quietly, like the wind slipping through the crack I leave in the window at night; or you can announce your return resoundingly like a sudden downpour quenching the summer heat. I don’t care. I kept your side of the bed empty and warm, waiting for you to come back. Hoping that you would come home.
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[08:47] Yoongi: sure you don’t want me to drive you there? [08:48] Yoongi: i can pick you up in 30 [08:52] You: positive 🤧 i told you i already booked the train. it’s only 4 hours away [08:53] You: i’ll survive, yoongs [08:55] Yoongi: did you not watch Train To Busan? [08:56] You: ? [08:57] Yoongi: what if there’s a zombie apocalypse [09:00] You: yoongi if there’s a zombie apocalypse, how is your CONVERTIBLE supposed to keep me safe [09:01] Yoongi: i’ll put the roof up [09:02] You: stop talking [09:02] You: please stop talking. [09:03] Yoongi: 😡😡😡 [09:03] You: 😇 [09:03] You: gotta get dressed now though. i’ll see u when i get back? :) [09:05] Yoongi: fine [09:06] Yoongi: safe travels. text me when you get there :)
You plop onto your bed with a sigh, glancing at the bag that’s already packed and sitting near your wardrobe, lonely. You stay like that for a while, contemplating whether or not you should bail at the very last minute.
It was not on your bingo card that you’d be here, agonizing over your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. Nope. Absolutely no one saw it coming.
For fuck’s sake, why would they invite you to a wedding? A celebration of love? It feels like you’re being forced onto a prank show, just waiting for someone to jump out and scream in your face.
You learned that the wedding was for close friends and family only, so it would be a relatively small event, which makes it even more confusing why you were also asked to join. Maybe the world is changing too rapidly and you’re just a little old-fashioned for it, but you really don’t understand why your ex-boyfriend’s family would want you there.
Taehyung and Jimin were invited too; they’re Jungkook’s best friends after all. They’re practically an extension of the family, Jungkook’s brothers by choice. But Taehyung doesn’t come back from his work trip until the day of the wedding, and Jimin… Well, he just doesn’t want to go to a Busan wedding in the middle of winter.
So why are you even going?
You could’ve declined. Said you couldn’t attend because the invitation came in so late. Made up a work trip or a family emergency. There’s a plethora of excuses you could’ve used.
Or you could’ve simply said no. That would’ve been perfectly fine too. No one would even need to ask why.
But maybe it was because his mother had customized the invite with her own handwriting in the back. You would’ve missed it if you hadn’t spent hours meticulously studying the card like someone was going to quiz you. It wasn’t anything special - just We hope to see you there - but you think you’d feel really bad to decline after she’d made the extra effort to ask you to come.
When you told Yoongi that you would be attending Jungkook’s brother’s wedding, he didn’t seem upset. Still cool as a cucumber. Although if he was bothered by the announcement, you don’t think he would’ve let it show. It did take him a minute to take it in, but then he just pecked your cheek and asked if you could bring a plus-one. You both knew that you wouldn’t even if that was an option.
Pushing your body off the bed, you drag yourself to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then sunscreen. Then change into the clothes you’d already picked out last night. Your train doesn’t leave for another hour and fifteen minutes, but you want to be there at least twenty minutes early just in case. This is one of your only good habits.
You rub your eyes when you finally haul yourself outside, thinking you must still be dreaming because what is Jungkook’s car doing here?
You blink a few times, expecting the vehicle to disappear in a puff of white smoke.
Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.
The car is in front of you, but the man is nowhere to be found.
You stand there dumbfoundedly, contemplating whether you should wait it out for a little bit to see if he’s actually here. He comes running up to you a couple minutes later, holding two paper cups in his hands, one of them a chai latte. A memory you’d buried long ago comes rushing to the surface. It’s too early for you to be feeling.
“Hi,” he says, his warm breath coming out in a huff of smoke in the crisp morning air.
“Hi?” you mutter dumbly when he trades the bag in your hand for the drink. There’s a moment where you’re genuinely baffled, wondering if this is a memory reel playing right before your eyes. This is your Jungkook, wearing that same old smile whenever he used to come bounding up your dorm building so you could walk to the library together, where he would hang out with you during your shift if he didn’t have classes. “What are you doing here?”
You don’t remember telling him what time your train was, so he’d probably badgered it out of Taehyung or Jimin somehow.
“I thought I could drive us there,” he says. “I texted you about it.”
Well, that explains it. You don’t bother with his dozens of messages anymore. “Oh, uhm, I already booked the train.”
This doesn’t seem to faze him at all. “Free cancellation up to 15 minutes before departure.” Jungkook grins, clearly eager despite your obvious reluctance. It’s too early for this, whatever the hell this is.
When you told him that you had RSVP’d yes to the invitation, he was surprised that you even knew about the wedding. He even seemed nervous that day.
“What if I’d already left?” you ask.
He blinks, then stammers like a confused child. It’s cute, and you have to mentally slap yourself over the head for even thinking that.
“Then I’d go after you.”
How? you scoff internally. Unrealistic.
Regardless, not even an hour ago, you were declining Yoongi’s offer to drive you there. Now, you’re standing here, in front of your ex-boyfriend, contemplating whether or not you should go with him.
“Let’s go,” he says after a minute. “We don’t wanna be stuck in traffic.”
“I haven’t said yes.” Yet. “It’s a 4-hour drive.”
You don’t have to clarify what you mean. He understands it.
You both just stare at each other for a moment, the tension suddenly thickening with every passing second. Four hours on the road. Four hours alone in a car with Jungkook. That’s about two hundred minutes more than you think you can handle.
It’s like he can see right through you. “Don’t think about it,” he says, voice dropping lower. “It’s just a weekend. Everything will still be here for you to think about when we get back.”
In your head, it translates to: All of our shit will still be here when we get back. You can keep being mad at me then.
You hope that’s not true. You hope that when you get back, the things that keep you up at night will simply cease to exist. That in the two days you’ll be gone, a genie will materialize and solve all your problems for you.
Either way, it’s probably for the best that you aren’t mean to him this weekend. You’re stuck with him for the next 48 hours or so; it’ll only stress you out even more if you channel all of your energy into tormenting him. Besides, you’re already the ex girlfriend who has no place alongside his family. You don’t want to be the dark cloud raining on everyone’s parade too.
Maybe you’d already made up your mind when you let him take the bag from you.
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For the first half of the drive, you were unconscious.
It’s a useless superpower that you have, the ability to fall asleep anywhere - literally anywhere, including in the passenger seat of your ex-boyfriend’s car while he escorts you to his hometown. Melatonin gummies manufacturers hate you.
You could’ve slept the whole drive, but around the second hour mark, you were startled awake when your body jostled forward, straining against your seatbelt uncomfortably. There was an arm trying to hold you back, despite the seatbelt having done its job well.
“Fuck,” Jungkook curses before he turns toward you, worry written all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, are you okay?”
You blink, still half asleep. “I’m okay,” you say. The minivan that Jungkook almost rear-ended continues on its merry way, carrying what seems to be a family of five. “What happened?”
He sighs, his outstretched arm retreating back to his side. “I got a bit distracted, that’s all.”
You take in your surroundings then. There’s barely any other cars in sight, no tacky billboard that sticks out like a sore thumb to catch your attention. There’s just the freeway, stretching on empty for all you can see.
“By what?” you ask.
“Nothing,” he says. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”
See, you have the superpower of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, but once you’ve been woken up, it’s not as easy to fall back asleep.
That, and the fact that you’re hungry as shit.
You open your mouth, about to say no, about to offer to drive the rest of the way if Jungkook is tired, but your stomach doesn’t let you get a word out. It growls, filling the space of the car, making you want to chuck yourself out the fucking window and run all the way back to the city. This wouldn’t have happened had you taken the train, because if you had, there would’ve been food services and no one would be subject to hearing your stomach sing like it’s chewing out a small puppy in there. Life is nothing but an endless pit of embarrassment and despair.
Your arms hold themselves tighter around your frame, practically squeezing into your abdomen as you will it to please, please, please be quiet. Jungkook stares at you, and you can tell by the teeny tiny quirk of his lips that he’s trying to bite back a smile. He’s relaxed, but there’s still something hesitant on his face. It takes him a minute before he finally throws the question out.
“Do you want to go to that guksu place that we used-” that we used to go to, “you know the place. The one that’s right off the freeway?”
The sun is out today. The sky unfolds endlessly just outside the window, coloring blue everything your eyes land on. There are strips of clouds scattered here and there, like delicate strokes of white paint on an azure canvas. Even the winter cold has to soften.You bite into your cheek. Don’t think, that’s what he had told you.
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Not much about this quaint restaurant has changed. The quirky decorations are still where they used to be, the windows still the same unique stained glass that you never came across anywhere else. You remember the elderly woman who runs the place, even if she doesn’t have a single clue who you are. The golden retriever you used to fawn over every time you stopped by, sits quietly by the door and watches the cars pass by, his fur now graying as weariness begins to settle into those old bones.
You would’ve been displeased if the place had changed, because, well, you don’t like change. But then again, this familiarity is dangerous. It tricks you into thinking that everything is still the same, even you and him. Deludes you into believing that you’re still in love and that he’ll walk out of here holding your hand.
Regardless, the first spoonful has you biting back a smile.
“How is it?” Jungkook asks.
It makes you feel all warm inside, and then a little sad, nostalgic.
“Tastes just the same,” you tell him simply.
“Hmm.”
He lets you satisfy your hunger in peace. It’s the least he can do anyway.
There’s a wall near the back of the restaurant, where people could hang polaroids of themselves and cute handwritten notes. You think if you dig through the hundreds of photos scattered across the space, you might be able to find you and Jungkook there, if you two haven’t already been thrown out long ago to make room for new memories.
He pays for your food after you’re both finished, despite some protesting on your side. As you leave, you’re busy thinking that if you could have a moment to marvel at that far-back wall of memories, if you could find a photo of you and him there, you would probably sneak it into your coat pocket.
It’d be another thing to add to your pile of Jungkook memorabilia - the old clothes in the back of your closet, the stack of dusty polaroids at the bottom of your drawer. You wonder if he keeps anything of yours, maybe an old t-shirt that you forgot to take back. It’s probably unlikely, but a girl can hope.
You miss the way Jungkook glances back, thinking the exact same thing.
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You survive the rest of the drive with more ease, probably because of the food. You spend most of the remaining 2 hours leaning against the window, humming to the radio, closing your eyes but not really sleeping. You even forget to be nervous about what is to come.
That is, until the car pulls up to the venue.
It’s absolutely gorgeous, and a lot bigger than you imagined - a modern beach house overlooking the waters. It’s not as extravagant as one would expect to see when they come to a wedding, but considering the small crowd in attendance, this is more than enough. You see people rush in and out of the place even from far away - planners, caterers, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, probably.
You feel a bit comforted just watching this. His family seems to be doing a lot better than before. It’s nice to know.
You barely make it out of the car before someone calls your name, and pulls you into a hug that knocks the wind out of you. Although, when you catch the scent of her hair, you instantly know who it is.
Parents usually have a scent that’s distinct to only their kids, a scent so cozy and homely that no perfume can ever mask. You can only describe your mom’s scent with a feeling, specifically the feeling of your chest tightening, tingling with a bittersweetness that you never found elsewhere. 
Strangely enough, Jungkook’s mother has always made you feel the opposite. She makes you feel relieved to be in her embrace, like she accepts you for who you are even if all you are to her, at the end of the day, is a stranger.
You hug her back awkwardly, hesitantly, in front of Jungkook’s dad, his brother Junghyun, and a girl you don’t know. You assume that she’s the bride-to-be, the main character whom this weekend revolves around. Sooji, you remember that was the name on the wedding invitation.
You get choked up suddenly, eyes turning glassy though you quickly blink it away. You’re not sure if you’ve had someone be so happy to see you. Bypassers might even think that you just found the cure for cancer.
For a second there, you wonder if your mere presence has ever made your mother this overjoyed.
You look at Jungkook for help, silently asking him to rescue you. Who else are you supposed to turn to if not him?
He understands that look. “Okay, mom,” he says, entangling her arms from you with ease, “Y/N’s tired from the drive. Let’s let her rest, yeah? I’ll show her the room.”
She ignores her son. “Honey,” she says, brushing your hair away from your face so she could see you better. “Thank you for coming.” She used to insist that you call her “mom”, or at least by her first name because “Mrs. Jeon” was too formal for someone she considered family.
You now have to opt for the latter, because “mom” isn’t an option for you anymore.
“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Jeon,” you tell her with a smile. You’re not really sure what else to say, but it makes you a little sad just calling her that.
She opens her mouth before closing it again, seemingly about to jokingly scold you for the formality before she recognizes the bittersweet look in your eyes. She just smiles at you then. There’s not much to be done about it.
You don’t know if anyone else sees how the moment is weighed down. Probably not. Maybe it’s just you and her who share this sentiment.
Jungkook doesn’t wait for his mom anymore. Sons, typical. He wedges himself between the two of you like a bulldozer and leads you inside the house. 
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Even though all you have is an overnight bag, Jungkook carries it for you all the way up to your room, which is only down the hall from his. Then he disappears pretty quickly afterward, saying something about his best man duties and putting out fires. He seems apologetic as he tells you this, but it’s not like you’re expecting him to babysit you all weekend.
You bore yourself to death in your room for a while, before you remember you have to text Yoongi to let him know you got here safely. Though, you stop short of telling him that it was Jungkook who drove you here. It’s trivial enough, right? You don’t want Yoongi to feel bad over nothing. You do, however, inform Taehyung and Jimin when you text them about it, to which Jimin only responds with a preemptively disapproving ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’
When you get too stir-crazy, you wander outside, hoping to explore the beach before it gets dark and colder. You try to stay out of everyone’s way, because a good guest is a quiet guest. You seem to be doing a good job. No one notices you, not even Jungkook’s mom but that’s because she’s the person you actively want to avoid the most. You don’t know what you’d even say to her if she gets you alone.
Everything is hectic, as one can probably imagine when it comes to wedding preparations. You haven’t had anyone close to you get married yet, so it’s safe to say that you’re pretty much clueless about all of this. You wonder what it’ll be like when your big day comes around, if you even ever get married. You haven’t thought about it in a long time. Why would you? You don’t really have a reason to think about this. It’s much easier to picture Taehyung’s or Jimin’s wedding day than your own.
Your opinion on having kids still remains the same, and you were never one of those girls who daydreamed about having a big and extravagant wedding, but it’s not such a bad idea to ponder about. You still think marriage is a scary thing - it’s one of the biggest commitments a person could ever make - but you’re not entirely opposed to getting married. 
Why are you even mulling over this? Your time might never even come.
When you round the corner to get the steps that would lead you down to the beach, you run into Sooji and a woman holding a thick binder - must be a wedding planner. You give Jungkook’s future sister-in-law an awkward smile in greeting, which she returns much more gracefully before she tells the woman that she’ll be with her in a minute.
So now you’re stuck here, about to make small talk with a person you have never met before, and will likely never see again. Great. 
“Hi,” you say, extending a hand. “I haven’t had the chance to introduce myself. I’m Y/N.”
“I’m Sooji,” she replies warmly as she shakes your hand, and you have to stop yourself from being a little weirdo and thinking about how silky her hair looks up close. “You’re Jungkook’s… friend, right?”
You purse your lips before nodding with a chuckle. The pause tells you that she knows, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s uncomfortable having you here. 
“I’m sorry if this is weird. You probably don’t want a complete stranger at your wedding.”
Sooji shakes her head instantly, waving her hands around to dismiss your apology. “Please, it’s totally fine. Junghyun’s mom talked to me about it before we sent out the invites. I wouldn’t have agreed if I was really bothered. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”
“Why did you agree?” you ask, trying to sound as polite as possible. “You don’t know who I am.”
“I guess I was curious.” She shrugs, before laughing lightly as she says, “I used to think you weren’t real.”
“Huh?”
“She talks about you constantly. Never in front of Jungkook, of course. But she’s really fond of you, and you probably already know that doesn’t happen very often. She really does see you like a daughter. She made you sound too good to be true.”
You’re not sure how to respond to that. His mom still thinks about you, still talks about you after all this time. You’re just his ex-girlfriend, but she considers you her family. You don’t know what to do with this information nor the way it pinches your heart.
“I-” You purse your lips, fumbling with the responses in your head. You settle on a light laugh, because Sooji can probably tell that you’re struggling with the words too. “I have to be honest. I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just thought you should know that you’re still very much loved here.” She gives you a kind smile, and it looks like she wants to tell you something else but decides against it in the end. Sooji’s eyes land somewhere behind you before she points in that general direction. “I have to go take care of an issue with the flowers, but look, Jungkook is here. Why don’t you ask him to show you around?”
And then she’s already off. Overall, what a… strange interaction.
You turn around to see Jungkook standing near one of the entrances to the house. As you watch him talk to someone - a bridesmaid, you assume, or just one of the other guests - you try not to think about the fact that there’s a stirring sensation in your stomach, and that it only intensifies when she throws her head back in a pretty laugh, a perfectly manicured hand landing on his arm like he’s the most charming person she’s ever met. 
You don’t give it a name, don’t label it green in color even though you’re blue and he’s golden sunshine. You don’t acknowledge that it’s a feeling, because doing so would make it real and there are certain truths that you’d rather delude yourself into thinking are lies.
When Jungkook’s eyes catch yours and he cuts off the woman mid-sentence with a curt excuse me, you don’t acknowledge that feeling either, but it’s warm and it blooms in your chest as he makes his way to you. It’s something victorious, something that tickles your ribs.
He comes to you like you’re a destination he’s been waiting all his life to reach, and you certainly, adamantly don’t acknowledge the spectacularly dizzying feeling that swallows you whole when he places a gentle hand on your arm, his voice soft as he says, “There you are. I was looking for you.”
The familiarity, it’s catastrophic.
“I was just walking around,” you tell him. “There’s not a lot to do here. I was bored.”
“You have me,” he says. Probably not in that way, but you’d like to think that’s how he means it. “I don’t have any more fires to put out. What do you want to do now?”
You glance over your surroundings, still set on your original plans. You wanted to go alone, but you suppose you can let him accompany you. You check the time on your phone before asking, “Can we go down to the beach? I wanna see if we can catch the sunset.”
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You used to do this whenever you came here to visit - walk along the beach, hand in hand, sunlight in your hair and the cool breeze holding you tight in the afterglow.
The keyword here is “used to”. Now, you have to stuff your hands in your pockets just so you don’t reach for him every time you shiver.
It’s late enough in the afternoon for you to see the moon faintly shine against a blue and orange backdrop. Sun and moon, together in the same frame. It feels symbolic somehow. You’re not really sure.
“The moon looks like an egg,” Jungkook observes astutely, taking casual strides next to you. It makes you burst into easy laughter, which makes him laugh with you too. You stop walking when you reach what you think is a good spot to watch the sky. 
“Let’s sit here for a bit,” you say. It’s not the greatest idea - sitting idly by would only make you colder - but you just want to stop and look at the sunset. Once you’re seated in the sand, you respond to his moon remark, “That’s true, y’know. NASA said so.”
“Yeah,” he says, settling down beside you, “you made me read that.”
You’d forgotten about it, and you didn’t think that he’d remember. It’s freezing cold and the moon looks like an egg, but you’re not thinking, and you feel safe. Nothing can hurt you here, or at least that’s what you’d like to tell yourself.
You wrap your arms around yourself to keep from shivering, but you still shiver anyways.
“Are you cold?” he asks.
“A little,” you admit. “I should’ve worn a thicker sweater. But it’s o-”
He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, just smoothly takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders.
You put your hands atop his to stop him. When you touch him, there’s an electric tingle that almost makes you flinch. He feels warm, still resembling a human furnace. 
“No, you don’t have t-”
“Take the jacket, Y/N,” he says. “It’s just a jacket.”
The jacket smells like him. It only makes you want to crawl further into the warmth.
He seems more self-assured here, that’s what you notice. More like the version of himself that he used to be. Confident, sometimes borderline cocky. Annoying but oddly endearing, you came to love that about him.
His relaxed demeanor is understandable. You’re merely a visitor here, while this is his homeground. 
“I’m curious about something,” he says after a while.
“Okay.”
“What’s the deal with Wednesdays?” he asks. 
“You know how they say bad things come in threes?” You purse your lips, thinking it over, feeling something bitter in your mouth as you recall the events that led to this. “My parents got divorced on a Wednesday. I moved out of mom’s house on a Wednesday. And…” You hold your knees close to your chest as you hesitate to utter this last part, “we broke up on a Wednesday.”
You see the exact moment Jungkook mentally slaps himself, paling a couple shades as he tongues his cheek, not expecting his question to inadvertently lead back to this. It wasn’t your intention to guilt trip him. It was true that he dumped you on a Wednesday, but you don’t want the mood to turn sour, to have to mull over this again. Like he said, it will still be there for you to worry about when you get back. You’re not looking forward to returning to a shitshow, but what you’d hate even more is to tarnish the memories of this place just because you can’t keep from being vindictive for not even a weekend.
“I was born on a Wednesday too, so I guess bad things come in fours sometimes,” you continue, chuckling to yourself humorlessly.
A frown appears on his face almost instantaneously. “What is that supposed to mean?”
You shrug. Jungkook turns his body toward you, which makes you spare him a glance before you return your gaze to the horizon. His face is so serious that it’s almost funny. “Y/N,” he presses. “Why would you say that?”
“C’mon, it’s a joke. I was just being self-deprecating. Lighten up.”
“Why are you talking like that?”
“Like what? Contrary to popular belief, I don’t walk around with a thundercloud over my head all the time,” you laugh lightly. “I figured if there was a day to be nice to you, it should be today. And tomorrow, I guess.”
“This is you being nice?”
Funny how just a few weeks ago, you were fighting with him and calling him a hypocrite. Now, you’re sitting together, watching the sun set, trying not to be mean to him.
“I’m not picking a fight with you,” you say. “This is nice enough.”
“It’s not even my wedding.”
“Okay.” You glance at him again, letting words flow without a single thought. “I’ll be even nicer to you on your wedding day then.”
You don’t know where that even came from, but something aches the very second the words leave your mouth. The thought of him getting married one day makes you just nauseous, even though you always knew that it was a possibility. It might even be inevitable.
You clear your throat, waving the sullen feeling away. Your body shivers then, even after the added warmth of his jacket. Maybe you’re not shivering because of the cold anymore.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his eyes linger on the side of your face. The both of you keep tiptoeing around an elephant that follows you wherever you go. 
You hug your knees close to your chest, watching the blue sky melt into the golden horizon, splattered with ribbons of cotton candy clouds.
You want to scooch closer to him and have him wrap his arm around your shoulders. This isn’t the spot where you used to draw your names in the sand, enveloped in a giant heart like two lovesick kids, but wouldn’t it be nice to imagine that it is?
“I was always really happy here,” you mumble to yourself.
You were, truly. This city was your pocket of hope, your piece of peace.
Being here brings back so many memories.
It’s the same feeling you get every time you pass by somewhere you used to live. The nostalgia of walking down the same road you used to walk every day until your shoes wore out. The familiarity of your surroundings. The bittersweetness of looking into a past you cannot hold anymore, of remembering the person you were at a certain period in your life, of knowing the things you do now that you didn’t back then.
You long for things you cannot change.
Nostalgia only grows stronger with time, you can always count on that.
He hums in agreement, before admitting quietly, “I miss you.” One pulls, the other pushes. The water wavers, like it’s touched by his words, simple but earnest. You’re touched too, somewhere in your heart, where you know you should be writing someone else’s name now.
Should?
“You’re pushing it,” you say softly.
“I know.”
You look at him. Maybe it’s because you’re back in the city that holds only good memories of you two. Maybe you’re hypnotized by the way the pink and purple hues kiss his side profile, making him feel like a fever dream and not someone you loved. Maybe it’s the cold, making you yearn for any source of warmth. But instead of returning his sentiment, you say, “It’ll pass.”
He meets your eyes. There’s something pleading in his gaze. All things pass eventually. Time moves forward, people move on. Bad things will pass sooner or later. Your worst heartbreak, your most arduous trials, your saddest moments, they will all pass.
And good things… good things will have to pass too, whether you like it or not.
Your fingers twitch from where they’re still holding onto your body. You itch to reach for his hand. You don’t tell him what he wants to hear, even though here’s a part of you that wants to say it back. In a better world, you would be telling him I love you too, instead of having to suppress an I miss you too.
“All things have to pass eventually. This will too.”
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[20:05] Taebear 🐻: we could go to that bar near the gallery. Y/N likes the cocktails there [20:06] Mimi 🐥: kay kay [20:06] Mimi 🐥: soooooo next friday? [20:09] Mimi 🐥: why is y/n reading our messages. shouldn’t she be at dinner [20:09] You: i approve of the bar choice [20:11] You: if you didn’t want me reading your messages, you shouldn’t have sent them to the gc [20:11] You: and if you must know, i’m skipping dinner. i’m avoiding Jungkook’s mom [20:12] Mimi 🐥: understandable. i figured you would do that [20:13] Mimi 🐥: how’s it going? are we regretting going yet? i told you to just stay home and we could binge watch the office together [20:15] You: and EYE told you that you could be a good friend and go to this wedding with me but nooooo baby doesn’t like the cold [20:16] You: you could’ve visited your parents while you’re here you know. two birds with one stone [20:18] Mimi 🐥: babes my parents stayed with me for a whole month last month. i reached my quota for family face time  [20:19] You: son and friend of the year 👏 [20:20] Mimi 🐥: 😎😎😎😘
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[20:22] Taebear 🐻: hey [20:23] You: uh oh. am i in trouble? why is this not in the gc? [20:25] Taebear 🐻: lol shut up [20:26] Taebear 🐻: you okay? [20:28] You: feels like that could’ve been a perfectly good question to ask in the gc [20:29] Taebear 🐻: because it’s a serious question and we both know Jimin can’t be serious for one minute to save his life [20:32] You: why does it have to be a serious question? 🤪 [20:32] Taebear 🐻: 😕 [20:33] You: stop pouting. i’m fine [20:35] Taebear 🐻: are you? [20:36] You: i am! you don’t have to go all mama bear on me [20:39] Taebear 🐻: ha ha ha. you’re so funny [20:40] Taebear 🐻: want me to call you? [20:42] You: i said i’m fiiiiiine 🙄 [20:43] You: but also no because i told everyone i was tired and i’m pretending to be asleep in my room right now [20:43] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:43] Taebear 🐻: did you eat something at least? [20:44] You: i have a cup ramen in my room [20:45] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:46] Taebear 🐻: how was today? did JK make you wanna strangle him? [20:48] You: okay Kim Taehyung at least act like you have some faith in your friend lol [20:50] You: but mmmmmm it was ok. he was mostly behaving himself [20:51] Taebear 🐻: mostly? [20:54] You: we were down at the beach and he just told me he missed me out of the blue [20:55] You: Mimi is asking why no one is replying to him  [20:57] Taebear 🐻: i can see that [20:58] Taebear 🐻: what did you tell JK? [21:01] You: i quoted fleabag to him [21:09] Taebear 🐻: i had to google that [21:10] Taebear 🐻: i still don’t know what that means [21:11] You: i know you don’t lol. you’re adorable [21:11] You: i’ll tell you when i get back.  [21:13] You: ok bye i have to sleep early or i’ll look like ass in the morning [21:14] Taebear 🐻: oh. okay [21:15] Taebear 🐻: sleep tight. remember not to gorge yourself on booze tomorrow [21:17] You: thanks for the reminder. love you mom 🙄💕 [21:17] Taebear 🐻: :) [21:20] Taebear 🐻: you won’t look like ass btw
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You clocked out right after you told Taehyung that you would. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep though. The anxiety simmering in your belly woke you up a few times throughout the night. You don’t even know why you were anxious. It’s not like you were the one who was about to walk down the aisle.
When morning finally came and you managed to untangle yourself from the surprising comfort of your familiar bed, you practically dragged your feet for the subsequent two hours, trying to get ready. As if that would actually slow down the passage of time.
You had to compartmentalize the things you needed to do in a mental checklist. Makeup. Hair. Dress. Stare at yourself in the mirror for half an hour and internally freak out while waiting for Jungkook to come get you from your room.
Now you’re sitting in the wedding hall, watching people filter into the room. It’s not even a lot of people, but you’re still overwhelmed regardless.
You feel so exposed, even though he’s the only one looking at you in this room of strangers. He’s been looking at you like that ever since he first saw you this morning, in a dress that you got just days before the wedding. You still don’t know if it’s entirely appropriate for your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding - maybe a bit revealing - but it was the only one you could find on such short notice.
When you tried on the dress for Taehyung and Jimin a few days ago, Taehyung said you looked beautiful. Jimin said you looked decent, “six point five out of ten,” which translated to “pretty nice” in Jimin-lingo. That would’ve been enough if you were going to any other wedding, not one where Jungkook would also be attending.
You had wanted him to see you and regret ever leaving you.
It was a silly thought, just a tad adolescent.
You had wanted him to see you in your dress and be consumed with thoughts of you until he couldn’t even see straight. To be the only thing on his mind, you didn’t think it was a lot to ask for.
That was before he told you not to think about it and you’d been convinced to just go with the flow just for two days. It was before he actually did see you earlier today in your dress - a simple midnight blue satin cowl neck with a slit in the thigh - but you were the one rendered helpless and speechless. He had stared at you for a minute when he came to walk you down from your room, then he’d said, all breathless even though both of you were just standing there, “You’re beautiful.”
You’re beautiful, not You look beautiful.
You don’t know why, but you appreciated it.
It made your cheeks burn underneath your artificial rosy blush. Stupid, you thought to yourself when you two made your way to the main hall. Stupid for letting yourself get dizzy because of a single compliment from him.
You’re seated with his parents, which makes sense because you don’t know anybody here except for them. Well, maybe you know one of his cousins whose kid you and Jungkook used to babysit whenever their family was in the city, but you doubt that he even remembers you anymore.
When the ceremony begins, your heart instantly feels like it’s about to drop to the pit of your stomach.
You can’t lie to yourself. It stings.
It stings just sitting here next to his parents like a daughter-in-law, like a member of their family, watching his brother solidify his happy ending.
It stings that Jungkook is standing up there, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes aren’t on the couple. They keep flickering to you no matter how much you try to pretend that they don’t.
It stings that even though you don’t think about marriage often - or maybe you just don’t allow yourself to - you can’t deny that the thought does cross your mind from time to time. Any time that you’d wander the corridors inside your head, you’d pass the doors that you keep unopened on purpose but there’s always that one door marked with a bright red X that you can never sidestep.
You watch Junghyun and Sooji with their teary smiles and shaky hands, shaky but happy. There’s a sudden clarity that this could’ve been you and him in another life. Forever is a lie, but you would’ve perjured yourself a thousand times for him. I do - you would’ve meant it.
You imagine yourself in Sooji’s place, and Jungkook, standing right on the other side, holding both your hands in his. A beautiful and radiant bride terrified of the altar. A dashing groom with a smile that could rival the sun and shoulders weighing heavier than he lets on.
It would’ve looked clumsy, but it could’ve been right.
You wonder if he’s wondering the same thing. Maybe he is. You hope he is.
When the ceremony ends with a kiss shared between the newlyweds, you wipe away the tears that well up in your eyes. The people around you do the same thing, but they’re doing it for the right reason, out of genuine joy for the happy couple. You don’t think you can say the same for yourself.
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Some of the bridesmaids fawn over him. It’s reasonable, you suppose. One tends to do that in the presence of Jeon Jungkook.
You watch as they come up to him one by one to ask him to dance, watch as he politely declines until they’re all stalking away with similar pouts on their faces. You watch him until his eyes lock on you, sitting at a table near the back, nursing a glass of champagne.
He weaves himself with ease through the people making their way to the dance floor. When he’s in front of you, he holds out a hand.
“Dance with me?” he asks, his doe eyes working overtime to lure you in with their sparkles, though you’d rather stay here where you can easily go unnoticed until the night ends. “One song?”
“I don’t know how,” you say, even as you’re taking his hand and standing up.
“I showed you how, remember?”
“That was a long time ago.”
He squeezes you reassuringly. “Just follow my lead,” he says, walking the both of you to the floor. “C’mon.”
Once the music starts, your heels stomp on his feet at least three times before you start finding the beat to move along to. Muscle memory, or whatever, is bullshit. You remember absolutely nothing of what he showed you.
You’re grateful that the song is slow, because it makes it easier for you to follow the beat with your two left feet. He takes one of your hands in his, the other settling on the small of your back, guiding you to move in a steady rhythm.
You feel his mother’s eyes on the two of you, because she must be somewhere nearby, watching you like a hawk. You feel his gaze on your face while you keep yours on the knot of his tie, just trying to keep your composure and to not step on his feet with your heels.
The blur of white that you catch from the periphery of your vision makes you turn your head. Sooji and Junghyun are close by, swaying together slowly to the soft music, both of them glowing with happiness. She must sense your eyes on her, because she lifts her gaze up to meet yours. She smiles at the sight of you and Jungkook, and you smile back, because you don’t know how else to respond to that.
You don’t say it, but you do think it. Your fingers tighten around his hand ever so slightly.
Could that have been us?
If the answer is yes, then it would hurt.
If the answer is no, then it would hurt.
The point of your story is that it’s painful however you choose to look at it. There’s no other way to frame it. It’s just painful, because you’re never going to get any of it back.
You bite your lip, then turn away from the happy couple but you still don’t look at Jungkook. You look at your hand in his, and that’s when you see it.
“How’d you get that?” you ask, gently tracing the inch of slightly raised skin on his knuckles. You never noticed the scar until now.
“It was four years ago, I think? After Taehyung and I almost got into a fight, I went outside and… punched a wall,” he says, wincing as he recalls the memory.
His answer takes you aback. “You and Taehyung got into a fight?”
“Almost,” he corrects. “It was a long time ago. Didn’t they tell you?”
“No, they didn’t say anything. What happened?”
“Nothing happened.”
“If it was really nothing, you wouldn’t have punched a wall.” You frown. It makes you miss a few beats, but the song isn’t what’s important now, even if Jungkook is still trying to steer you back into the dance. “Taehyung isn’t violent. You aren’t violent.”
“I’m serious,” he says finally. “It’s nothing. We were just drunk and stupid.”
You know there must be more to it, that something must have happened or been said to trigger such a reaction from both of them. But you also know that you won’t probably get anything out of Jungkook if he doesn’t want to tell you.
You give up, for now. “Fine. If you say so.”  You’ll just have to weasel it out of Jimin later.
The song comes to an end, before another one comes on. If Jungkook remembers that he only asked for one song, maybe he’s counting his blessings that you’re still here and dancing with him, because he doesn’t mention it.
For some reason, you pull your hand away from his, only to slide up his shoulder to lock both of your hands behind his neck. He seems surprised, but he does the same around your waist.
Jungkook’s gaze flickers to your lips briefly, then back to your eyes again. You find yourself doing the same and wonder what he tastes like after all the time you’ve been apart. Is he still as sweet as you remember? You used to tease that it was because of the excessive sugar he put in everything, but you knew it was really just him. The few inches between you are so inviting that it’s practically tempting you to close the gap. You could, easily in fact. Blame it on one too many glasses of champagne later if you want.
He looks younger like this, like the boy you loved, starry eyes and dimpled smile. His shoulders are always the most comfortable resting place, the crook of his neck your long lost home. This is nice, you think, to see him again even though it feels like a fever dream. Memories of your first date, your first kiss, come to life before your eyes so realistically that you could almost touch them.
Loved? That sounds funny to you.
The people you used to be, souls wrapped in innocence, when the world was nothing but the arms of the person you loved. You reach out, and the memories quickly fade from view. The only trace they leave behind is a speck of gold on your fingertips, a memento of charming naiveté for you to tuck neatly away in the corner of your mind, but also a reminder that ah, they only exist in the locket of your heart now. Because he has changed, and you think you must have too. Life, as they say, goes on.
“We made it. Kind of. That’s crazy,” you find yourself saying.
“Did we?”
“You don’t think so?” you chuckle. “We’re in a group chat with the Kim Seokjin who spams it with bad jokes on a daily basis. I’d call that a win.”
That makes him laugh. “If you put it like that, yeah, maybe. Sure.”
Other people might be fooled, but it doesn’t sound at all convincing to you. The light doesn’t really reach his eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek, thinking of how to translate the sudden poignant turn of the moment.
“It isn’t everything you hoped it’d be?” you ask.
His shoulders rise then fall quickly in a second-long shrug. “I thought it would make me feel more… fulfilled. But it doesn’t. Not really.”
The way he says it and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart dive. You understand what he means. You’re good at what you do, and you don’t need reassurance from anyone to recognize that. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Doesn’t feel like it’s real, like it’s validated.
When you landed your first big project, even before Yoongi, you were so proud of yourself. You were bursting with excitement but you weren’t happy, and you knew what the reason was. Something was missing that couldn’t be filled, not even with all your friends’ hundreds of messages of encouragement. 
It’s beyond stupid, this feeling like your wins amount to nothing at all just because of one person. You wanted him there to celebrate every achievement with you and he wasn’t, and the milestones seemed incomplete without the presence of him. It doesn’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything because this always used to be a dream you thought you’d make come true together.
“It’s lonely,” he concludes.
It sounds like he feels the same way, like he wanted you to be there too.
He suddenly holds you tighter than you think he needs to, like he’s afraid to let go of you. You imagine that he doesn’t want to let go of you, and it makes you feel better for a second. But it doesn’t change the fact that he still did in the end. And he will have to when this ends.
What was the point of this? Why did he bring this upon yourselves when he seems to be as hurt as you are? All of this time, all of these years, lost to what? You could’ve been happy together but instead, you were both lost and miserable.
When the music stops - you lost count of how many songs it’s been - you pull away from him. He looks disappointed, maybe even a little hurt for some reason.
“I’m gonna get some air,” you say, already turning away from him.
“Y/N-”
“I need some air.” Then you’re weaving through the dancing couples despite Jungkook calling your name. How did he manage it? How did he not look back when you called out for him?
You hastily grab your coat on the way out. It’s not going to keep you warm, but that’s not something you’re even remotely concerned with.
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It’s everywhere, you feel it down to your bones.
The wind wraps itself tightly around you, intertwining in your hair, slipping through the cracks of your fingers, caressing your face in a chilling touch. You greet the cold like a long lost sister, shivering violently with nostalgia. It was there for you more than your own flesh and blood.
Is that why you like the sea at night? Because it reminds you of mom?
It’s dark out here, barely anything is visible except for a lighthouse sending out light in the quiet of the night. You can’t see much, but you can certainly hear it. You’re not sure if the music is coming from inside the venue, or if it’s still ringing in your ears. It’s probably the latter; you’re too far away to be able to catch the music anyway. But regardless, the tune is quickly drowned out by the sea.
The waves crash violently against the shore like it’s out for blood. There’s a magnetic pull, as if it’s calling out for you. You want to go to it, to reach out and feel the cold outside of your body for once, but you stay there despite your legs itching to stand up and run straight ahead. Into the water and down under.
You could lie down and close your eyes for a moment. The sound of the water, as sharp and brutal as it is, nurtures a part of you somehow.
You just want to be alone. You don’t want to talk to Taehyung, or Jimin, or even Yoongi.
Oh.
Yoongi.
It’s a terrible feeling, knowing that you’re going to hurt Yoongi. Knowing that you’re going to kill this even before it has a chance to truly begin.
Truth be told, you can’t envision a future with Yoongi. There isn’t anything wrong with him, because he’s not the problem here. Yoongi is fun, he’s considerate, he keeps things light on purpose for you, until you’re ready to initiate something more serious. He’s good for you, even Taehyung thinks so.
But you can’t love Yoongi, not in the way that he wants you to. Not more than you love Jungkook.
There you go. Ruining things again.
Did you ruin Jungkook? Is that what happened?
The layers on you are no match for the sea at night. The wind hisses relentlessly, biting at any part of your skin that’s exposed.
It takes you back to that night. Almost everything does, actually.
Maybe that’s why you never even stopped to consider starting anything with anyone, because it always ends. If there’s a beginning, then there will be an inevitable ending. Love isn’t made to last and you aren’t meant to carry love with you. You’ve been abandoned twice. If it happens a third time, it’s a pattern, and then your hypothesis will only be proven. That the problem here is you.
You’d be lying if you said you haven’t wondered when it’ll finally be Taehyung’s turn to leave. He eventually will, right? That one’s gonna hurt.
Then, you’re startled when someone calls your name.
“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks. The wind and the waves masked the sound of his footsteps walking up to you. When you turn around to face him, his eyes grow worried, almost panicked. “Why are you crying?”
You breathe out irritatedly before you hastily wipe at your cheeks. You didn’t even realize that you’d been crying. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” you say, though you both know it’s a lie. “I’m just tired. I’m going up to my room.”
He catches your wrist in a firm grip when you try to walk away. You wish he’d just leave you alone, but you knew he wouldn’t drop it just like that.
“I said I’m fine,” you insist.
“You were crying,” he says. “Did I do something wrong?”
He didn’t, at least not tonight.
God, you really don’t want to do this right now.
“Jungkook,” you warn. “Let go of me.”
You try to free yourself from his grip, hoping that he’ll get the hint and back off for now. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, where you struggle to escape from his hold until you realize your efforts are futile. He takes the wind’s place, wound tightly around you, so tightly that it’s nearly impossible for you to move.
You hiss out his name, but he doesn’t budge. 
“Jungkook, can you just- Fuck!”
Damn him.
You realize he’s not giving up, which in turn makes you give up struggling, hoping that if you let this be a moment, then it’ll be something that can pass.
You’re just standing there, letting him hold you, letting yourself be held by the person who broke you in the first place. This feels exactly like where you’re supposed to be - in his arms, with your face hidden in the crook of his neck, his gentle fingers stroking your hair. There’s not a lot that you could do but lean into that feeling the same way you lean into him. One foot in the sand, one foot in the past. A hand on the doorknob of time, wondering if you should look back or look forward.
You want to be alone, but that never used to apply with him.
The wind stills, the sea calms. You remain unmoving too, locked in his embrace. You feel the faint rhythm of his heart, beating faster than you think it should. If you could, you would bottle this moment up and live there forever.
I miss you, you think.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
Then your arms are around him too. It only makes him hold you tighter, and all you can think about is how much you miss him, how painful it is to miss him, how you feel like you’re being pulled apart at the seams from the weight of missing him. 
Fuck.
Can you pretend that the last few years never happened? Is there a higher power that would allow you to go back to the night before that wretched Wednesday, when everything was still perfect? Hundreds of days of your life, can you pretend that it was just one long nightmare? When you wake up, you’ll be back in his humble apartment, tangled up together in his bed. Warm sunlight, your silken youth, and him. It was all you ever needed.
Again with the devastating familiarity. The city, the beach. His mother’s warmth that always made you reminisce about your own mother’s coldness. How Jungkook used to find you in moments like this and just stayed by your side until the dejection passed. He understood that he could never understand it the way you did.
You hear yourself sniffle, then you feel him press a kiss into your hair. Home is comforting.
Oh, you never want to leave.
You don’t want to leave, and that’s terrifying.
You allow yourself to stay there for one more second - one endless second - so you could commit to memory what it’s like to be with him. Back and forth. It’s always so easy to fall into him.
Jungkook releases you when he feels you loosen after a while, and you reluctantly meet his eyes as he tilts your head to face him.  His fingers cradling your jaw, how warm and delicate they feel on your skin.
You swallow thickly, your mind going blank. He’s the only person you see, the only one that matters. His eyes flicker south, and even then you don’t make any move to run away, despite his loose grip on your waist telling you that you can if you want to.
You told him that it would pass, and maybe for him, it will. For him, it’s the city and the moment, making him feel like he’s caught up in a page that he’s turned over a long time ago. He was fine with leaving, and he’s been fine without you. It will pass for him, as much as it hurts you to admit it.
But not for you. For you, there’s only him. There’s nobody else but him. It’s always been him, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that there will be another person you can love as much as you love Jungkook. You might only be a page, perhaps even a chapter, in the story of his life, but he’s your entire book. He’s volume after volume after volume, until he takes up the whole shelf and leaves no room for anything else, not even for yourself.
And now here he is - at the biggest turn in your career.
He’s a bad blood cell you can’t ever get rid of.
You’ll never be able to truly let go of him. How could you? When you truly love someone, those feelings will carry on forever. They’ll always have a piece of your heart despite an ending. When you look back on a certain period in your life, you’ll think to yourself, You’ll always be a part of me. I loved you then.
But Jungkook is a force of nature. He has your whole heart.
Years and years from now, when you look back on your life, you know you’ll see him everywhere. Even when you’re old and gray, and when faces all just blur together in a mosaic of broken memories and long lost youth, you know you’ll still remember him - the person you loved, the one whom you let slip through your fingers. The great love of your life when you were young.
Sometimes, you regret that day. You can’t help feeling like it was your fault too. Maybe you should’ve tried harder to keep him. You should’ve fought harder, should’ve held onto him instead of standing there and watching him leave.
He lit the match, and you let the house burn. It takes two to tango, two to break a heart.
You’re quick to let people leave. Oh, how you wish it could be that easy to let them go too.
It isn’t until your eyes mimic the flicker of his gaze that he leans in. You meet him halfway. For the first time in years, you feel like you could breathe, truly breathe. It’s achingly slow, like neither of you can believe that this is happening. 
You sigh against his mouth when his tongue brushes your bottom lip, slips past the seal to devour you. It feels like a perfect dream. You could stay in this bubble with him forever, pretend that you’re the only two people who exist in the world and there’s nothing else, no one else, waiting for you in a city that seems so far away right now. The thought of him never left you, not even for a second. He’s always been with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do, always in the back of your mind.
He tastes like your youth, like remembrance. He kisses you like he’s still yours when deep down you know that you’re still his. The hand on your jaw is gentle but firm, and it makes you repeat a thought, I miss you.
Then a feeling, I love you.
Not then. Now.
I love you now.
I love you even when I shouldn’t. Even when it hurts. Even when you leave me. Even when you don’t love me more than I love you. If there comes a day where you love somebody else, I will still love you then. There will never be another person for me but you. My first and only love.
When he pulls away, you think it’s too quick, even though your lungs are grateful for the breath that you instantly inhale. You stare at his lips like you’re in a daze, mesmerized, wanting to chase them again. You don’t even know how you have it in yourself to utter these next words, but you hear your own voice saying them anyway.
You’re holding onto him now. Doesn’t that count?
“Let’s…” Your fingers tighten on the collar of his dress shirt. “Let’s go up to your room.”
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note (2): so... what do we think?? will they?? won't they?? 😵 stay tuned for obs7.5 which will be dropping 29.09.2023! also i'm gonna pause obs muse asks for a little bit! 😬
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all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 24, 2023]
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itjazzbicch · 7 months
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Secret Confession
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Pairing:  Monkey D. Luffy x Reader 
First time writing for Luffy, so I hope I did well! 
Summary: Getting up for a late-night snack with Luffy, they get nearly get caught by Sanji, who always yells at fluffy for sneaking in the fridge at night, hiding together, and learning how close they are while enjoying a late-night snack on the Sunny...
Warnings:  Slight Swearing (That's about it!)
Word Count: .8k 
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"Luffy, is that you?" Yawning and rubbing my eyes while making my way to the kitchen, I could hear his stomach rumbling, his eyes still closed as he nodded, walking into the kitchen and mumbling:
"I'm hungryyyy."
"Me too," I yawned, following in behind him, seeing him trying to budge the fridge open, but Sanji had put a lock on it just because of Luffy:
"Why does Sanji have to do this to me?!"
"Shhh," I hushed, stepping up and unlocking the fridge, "Sanji will be pissed if he knows I let you in the fridge, so try to stay quiet."
"Okay," He whispered, giggling and rummaging through the fridge, exclaiming, "You're the best, Y/N! There's so much yummy food in here!"
"Luffy!" I scolded quietly, "I said be qui-"
"LUFFY! IF YOU'RE IN THE KITCHEN EATING ALL THE FOOD, I SWEAR TO GOD!"
Just great, Sanji was awake.
I stared at Luffy with fire in my eyes, "Just great. He's going to flip on us."
"Not if he doesn't know where we are," He laughed, shoving the food into my hands before wrapping up with his rubber arm, "Hold on to that with your life, got it?"
"Huh?" Seized in his arm, Luffy took off and out of the kitchen before Sanji could get there, jumping to the deck, his free arm shooting up to the crow's nest, making me squeal as we flung to the top:
"WOAH!"
"Shhh!" Luffy was one to try and silence me, eyes peeking over the crow's nest to see Sanji searching for him:
"Got damn it, Luffy! Just wait till I find you!"
Slouching back against the floor, Luffy giggled, taking the food from my arms, "He didn't see us. We're in the clear."
"For now," I huffed, staring at the dark sky till he held a piece of meat over my face, mumbling out of his full mouth:
"You said you were hungry, right?"
"Yeah, thanks," I smiled tiredly, taking the meat and chowing it down with him.
"It's good, right?" Luffy smiled at me, sitting up as Sanji was gone now, devouring the food we took.
"Really good," I yawned, relaxing back as just that one piece of meat satisfied my hunger, staring at the full, bright moon as Luffy laid back with me, shivering slightly at the wind passing by, freezing as I felt Luffy's arm around me, sliding closer to me.
I stared at him, a bit confused, and he tilted his head at me, confused himself as he asked:
"What? You were shivering, so I thought you were cold."
"It is a little chilly," I swallowed, looking back up to the sky, "I just want to enjoy the view for a moment."
"Enjoy it," He nodded, looking at me and keeping me close, "And I'll keep you warm till you're done."
Never in a million years did I imagine that someone would make me feel so flustered, let alone that specific someone being my captain! Although, he was warm and oblivious as always when he saw the flustered look on my face:
"The cold getting you sick or something? Why are you making that face?"
"No, Luffy," I sighed, nervous and whispering, "You realize we're practically cuddling, right?"
"Do you not like cuddles?" I only kept on confusing him. It wasn’t that I didn’t like cuddles; I was just so nervous; trying to explain to him:
"I just-I never-"
I had never been in a situation like this, and his goofy but pure ways made me smile as he gasped:
"Oh, you don't know how! It's easy!"
Fixing me against his chest, our legs intertwining, he showed that he had no idea what he was doing by whispering under his breath:
"At least, I think that's how you're supposed to cuddle."
"It's fine," I smiled at him softly, that bright smile of his making me happy like it always did, my heart skipping beats as he placed his hand on my head, keeping it against his chest and playing with my hair, whispering:
"Now, you can enjoy the moon and stay warm."
"Thank you, Luffy," I whispered, curling up against him, staring at the moon, and my brain flooded with thoughts and emotions I never felt before.
Why did I feel happier than ever right now? So peaceful and content? Why did I not want to leave Luffy's arms? I started to realize what I was feeling, and it was a lot to process because Luffy wasn't just anyone; he was my captain.
"Hey, Luffy-" I was going to attempt to maybe talk to him about how I felt, but when I picked up my head, he was fast asleep, snoring, and he looked so adorable.
I didn't want to disrupt his peace, laying back against his chest, whispering even though I knew he couldn't hear me:
"I love you." 
2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome. 
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flowershines · 5 months
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Never leaving you
Sim Jake x F! Reader
Summary: Character and reader have been in a secret relationship but as things have gotten more serious they find more and more that their family would do anything to keep the character and reader away from each other. (Rival families: Forbidden love)
Warnings: Smut, cockwarming, family rivals, talking bad about Y/n, humping, teasing, gagging, eating Y/n out, (lmk if I missed any)
Not proof read
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“Can’t you just trust me?”
“You and I both knew that when we started dating, things weren’t going to work out.” The anger in his face started to build up, “What the hell are you talking about, Y/n?” he said walking closer to you. “My family doesn’t like Sim’s and your family doesn’t like L/n’s.” Reaching the edge of the bed you took a seat, “So, it shouldn’t matter.” he exclaimed rather loudly “Why are you yelling at me, I was just saying.” His fingers ran through his hair, “Because your pissing me off, Y/n.” you got up from the edge of his bed and headed towards the door of his bedroom. “Where are you going?” He huffed “Once you chill then we can talk about this again.” he walked over to you and grabbed your wrist tightly as he pulled you back to the bed, “No, we are talking about this now.” you rolled your eyes. “What’s the point if your just going to yell at me?”
Just then the sound of his front door opening surprised you both, he turned to you and put his hand over your mouth as he pointed to his bed then down. You understood what he meant, following his instructions you kneeled on the floor then looked up at him as he quietly walked over to the other side of his bed, getting on your stomach you scooted more further under his bed. “Jake, honey, you in there?” Your breathing started to shake from the nervousness of being caught, “Yeah, come in.” as the door opened you held your breath not wanting anyone to hear your anxious breathing. “I just came to get the computer, sweetie.” The sound of the footsteps traveled from one end to the other, “Mom, I have a question.” You thought to yourself that he better not be saying something stupid, “Yes?” “Why do you guys hate the L/n’s?” a sign was heard as the footsteps stopped at the side of his bed. “Jake you and I both know how much pain they put our family in, they are terrible people.”
“But that was years ago.” Nothing was heard for a couple of seconds till his mom broke the silence, “It’s not just that honey, if you want to know more you would have to ask your father. Plus I heard that their kid loves hoeing around with everyone, doesn’t set a good example, and she doesn’t even focus on her studies. Now come on who would want a kid like that.” Those words shattered your heart of course none of them were true but still the fact that, that was how she saw you made you feel useless. “Don’t say that about her, I met her she’s really pretty, nice and really really smart.” Foot steps were seen walking to his door “Jake you know your lying, don’t stick up for her. She’s a nobody.” the door was shut behind her, you didn’t even bother to immediately scoot out from under the bed. You just wanted to stay there hoping his would all go away, “Y/n?” a whisper was heard from next to you. Your mouth felt dry, your hands were freezing, tears fell down your face, you were a mess.
“I’m just gonna go.” You scooted out from underneath his bed and quickly tried to book it out of his room but a hand was placed around your waist which prevented you from moving forward, “Please can we just talk about this now, they are just stopping by; they’re leaving soon.” you signed but nodded towards him. He brought you back to his bed and had you lay down next to him, a knock was heard from his door making you immediately look around and scoot out of his bed.“I’m changing, what do you need?” From the other side of the door you heard his mother’s voice one more “We are going over your aunts house for a bit, there is money for dinner on the counter. Call us if you need anything.” he responded softly “Okay, love you.” she said she loves him too then her footsteps faded away from his door, as the sound of the front door opened then shut.
“See i’m not even wanted here, you heard the way she was talking about me so what’s the point.” He reached for your hand while he laid on the bed, you reached out your hand and put it on his. He tightened his grip and pulled towards him making you crawl to him on the bed, he opened up his arms and pulled you into a hug as you cuddled laying on him. Feeling him comfort you this way made you start to sob in his arms, his fingers ran through your hair while his other hand was drawing circles on your back. “I love you to much to lose you, Y/n. So don’t even mention anything about us breaking up because i’m never leaving you.” His chin was resting on the top your head, you could hear his heartbeat pound louder and louder with each breath he took.
You backed up and looked at him in the eyes staring into them for a second then pulling him into a kiss, his lips were always so soft and warm. You could just stay like this with him forever or at least till both of your parents found out, just as you were about to pull away from his lips his hand that was playing with your hair snaked down to the back of your neck which pulled you in closer. “Never leave me, please.” He mumbled softly against your lips, you opened your lips slightly and he took the opportunity before him as he stuck his tongue in slightly but not to far in. You loved the way how he knew the things that will rile you up the most, his hands would not leave your body; they would go up and down on your sides and pull you further into the kiss.
He just couldn’t take his hands off you, “So fucking perfect.” yo i backed away from the kiss and got on top of his lap bringing your face into the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly. “You’re so gorgeous, you know that?” You mumbled into his neck “Your parents don’t think so.” he huffed slightly and brought his hand to your hair as he slightly pulled it back bringing your face out from his neck till he can see your face, “It doesn’t matter what they think, I love you and that is all that matters.” the hand on your hair loosened as both of his hands fell to your hips. His hands pushed you more down onto his lap and made your hips move in a back and forth motion, you hummed quietly in his ear. “I can show you just how much I love you.” You nodded on his shoulder as you agreed to the comment he said, the more he moved your hips the more vocal he became.
He started of saying nothing but only breathing moans and shaky breaths left his lips and now an occasional swear would fall from his lips as he started to quietly grunt, moan, and constantly breathe heavily. “Want you inside me, but i just want to relax in your arms.” He looked at you confused you understood why he was confused so you put it into different terms, “I want you to be inside me as we lay here.” he opened his mouth as he nodded. He understood what you meant now, he gave you his approval then you sat up and lifted yourself off of his lap so now you were just hovering over him. You unbuckled his belt and slowly unzipped his zipper causing him to whine from your teasing, he lifted his hips as well as they met yours again which gave you easier access to pull his pants to his knees.
His boxers were tight on him as it gave you the best sight to see, his cock was straining against they begging to come out as your eyes trailed from the base of his cock to the the tip through the fabric you could see a wet spot. Your fingers ran to the spot making him shutter from the touch, as you ran your fingers through it stuck to them. You brought your thumb up to your pointer finger and rubbed them against each other in a circle motion, slowly pulling them apart from one another his precum stuck to both of your fingers creating a line that connected them both.
Your boyfriend could not resist anymore he just really needed to be inside you, he did almost everything to try and take your attention away from teasing him but nothing worked no matter how much he squirmed or how many times his cock would twitch in his boxers, nothing. You brought your fingers to his waist band and pulled them down slowly as it made his cock bounce back up to hit his abdomen, you brought your face down to his cock and licked a strip along from the bottom of the base to the tip. This man was going crazy underneath you as he was now aching to be touched, even the smallest thing set him off as he would squirm beneath you. You put the tip of his cock in your mouth and slid all the way down so that way your spit would act as lube, making it easier for you both.
The further you went down the more you would gag on him, but it was for the better each time you gagged because more spit would form in your mouth as it ran along the side of his cock. “Fuck.” He said dragging out the last two letters, you got up from you position and hovered over his cock making sure that it was perfect aligned to slip into you. He rutted up his hips till the almost hit you but you pushed them back down and slowly lowered yourself into him while moans fell from his lips, you laid back down into your pervious position; laying you head back on his shoulder.
His hips slowly started to runt up into you with each chance he got which cause you to pull away from his neck, “What are you doing? Thought you weren’t supposed to move?” he hugged your body pulling you closer “Can’t help it Y/n, you feel so warm and soft. Just wanna fuck you so bad.” you snuggled back into the crook of his neck “A little bit longer.” he huffed as his movements stopped. Whines fell from his lips every time you clenched around him, sometimes it was on purpose and the others his cock would twitch inside you which would cause you to clench on him. At this point he didn’t even care about anything else he just needed to find pleasure for himself, “Please Y/n, it’s killing me.” he whined. “You’re so dramatic.”
You mumbled against him, “How much longer?” you lifted your head up to his ear and whispers “Fine, go.” he immediately lifted up your hips with his hips and held you in place as he fucked up into you. His thrusts weren’t slow they were fast but filled with love, you loved to tease him it was your favorite thing to do to him. Of course he has a hard time accepting that but he goes along with it because if your happy he’s happy, his arms were wrapped around you giving you a bear hug as his hips were slamming into you. “I love you so much.” He whispered in your ear as you then lifted up your head giving him a kiss on the lips, his face showed just how flustered he was.
His cheeks turned a light pink that ran from one side of his face to the other, his fingers started to turn white from how hard he was hugging you, his thrusts became more shaky you could tell his legs were giving out. You tried to sit up and struggled a bit from how hard he was hugging up but you did manage to break free from his grip, you tapped on his knees and pushed down his hips. His moans sounded like heaven, a melody that ran through one ear and out the other, his lips were glossy from the spit of him constantly putting his bottom lip in between his teeth.
You placed your legs in a more comfortable position and proceeded to go up and down on his cock while his hands rested on your hips making you slam down onto him harder than before, he always loved it when you rode him because he would see such a beautiful sight; your tits bouncing in front of his face. He wanted to suck on them but to be able to suck on them he would have to sit up while his hands could not leave your sides, “Fuck, Fuck.” he chanted multiple times. “Oh my fucking god Jake, feel so good.” You say sitting on his lap grinding back and forth on him, looking down at him you see his head was thrown back into the pillow, his mouth was open, his brows were knitted together, and his eyes rolled back the more you moved. He was in the most ultimate pleasure.
His cock twitched more with every bounce or grind you did on him, his hands squeezed your hips while he tried to meet your strokes by thrusting up. “I’m gonna c-” His words were cut off as his orgasm already reached him, he pushed up further into you as he came down from his high. Pulling out he saw his cum dripping from your pussy and he swore he could cum again just from the sight, “You didn’t cum?” he asked sounding disappointed in himself. “It’s not a big deal I can just-” “No, no, no Y/n. You made me cum and I didn’t make you cum. Please sit on my face.” He never asked you to do this before and you started to overthink and decline his request. “Jake seriously i’m okay, I don’t need to cum.”
He sighed as you got off from his lap and laid down next to him only for him to trail kisses down from your stomach to your entrance, “But just imagine, you tugging on my hair as my tongue slides in deeper into you. grunts Fuck. I would still be able to taste my cum in you.” His hips started to grind on the bed just front the idea, “Fine, but be fast.” “But I want you to enjoy it.” you stared into his eyes “I will as long as I get to cum, the faster the better and more time for us to hang out before your parents come back.” He nodded as he started to kiss your inner thighs while his fingers started to slip into your entrance one by one, he started to grind on the bed to the pace his fingers were going. He brought his lips to your clit giving it a kiss before he strayed to suck on it while looking up at you, his fingers were quickly moving in you. His tongue trailed from your clit to your entrance as he took his fingers out and moved them to one your clit as he started to create a circle motion.
This man was literally a god, he knew exactly what to do with your body and ways to make you cum very easily. You felt yourself getting closer to your orgasm each time his tongue would curl inside you, your hand snaked down to his hair as he continued to stare up at you. You played with his hair and tugged on it as he did multiple tricks with his tongue, he would moan into your pussy from the stimulation of him humping the bed. Feeling or orgasm come closer and closer the grip on his hair became tighter and tighter, his tongue started to move way faster than it did before as well as his fingers focusing on your clit.
“Jake-e fuck, i’m gon-” Your sentence was cut of as your orgasm hit you while he still continued his motions helping you through it, letting go of his hair he sat up and brought his fingers to his mouth “You taste so fucking good, next time I want you to sit on my face. Fucking suffocate me with your pussy, I love eating you out so much.” you looked down and said “Clearly.” his eyes followed yours which lead to his squirts of cum on the bed where he had been humping it prior. “I couldn’t help it.” He said crawling back up next to you on the bed as he laid on your stomach, he mumbled on your stomach. “I love you don’t ever forget that, and it doesn’t matter if our family doesn’t like each other. I’ll be with you through everything.”
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maryleclerc · 1 year
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𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 — charles leclerc
pairing: prince!charles leclerc x reader
summary: just another version of 𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐨𝐫, prince charles leclerc cheated on his wife and confessed
author note: NO HATE TOWARD CHARLOTTE SINE !
read the my royal series here
au: this is my first time write a full one-shot or long imagine so please forgive me if i made any mistake. would be great if you can give some opinion, advice after reading this 🫶🏻 there no part 2 of this, and i might delete it anytime so not sure if i will keep it or not
warning: english is my native language, use google translation, grammar mistaken. but i won’t call it a part of the 𝐫𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 series, i made cause so much people wanted to read it so it’s going to be a sad end, please if you don’t like this end… scroll or just don’t read it at all. love ya!)
Charles and I have been married for 3 years, we have a 2 years old son together, according to the royal plan arranged for both of us, as it was plan today we will got to Italy because in a few days we will attend the F1 Grand Prix race in Italy this year but it coincides with the wedding date of my best friend in London, not wanting to let the Italians down because of the broken promise. We have decided, Charles going to attend the race in Italy in the next few days, me and Christian are going to attend my best friend wedding in London.
"Morning mon amour, is Christian awake yet baby?" Charles asked me and came up to where I was standing and kissed my forehead, he has been act to strange for the past few month he use to to kiss me on the lips every morning and before bedtime. But now he only kiss me once or sometime he does not kiss me at all.
"He haven’t, can you help me wake him up handsome?" I look up and smile at Charles and kiss him on the lips.
“Of course i can.” He replies and leaves his phone on the table before goes into our son room, Christian to wake him up.
Just a few seconds after Charles walked into our son room to wake him up, Charles' phone vibrated constanly. i didn't mean to see who’s texted him at first but because it kept vibrate so I thought maybe it was something to urgent and needed my husband so I walked over to grab Charles phone but right at the moment i pick it up, the phone lights up once again and the name Kristiana Bailee was pop up in his phone screen… It’s his ex girlfriend, the famous actress Kristiana Bailee
Everything would've been fine if she hadn't sent another text message saying, "Can't wait to be with you in Italy baby… does your wife know?"
My heart just drop imediatly, don’t know how to react, should i throw his phone away? she even calls my husband baby? and then I heard Charles's voice coming out of Christian's room and I quickly turn off the phone, put it back down and wiped all my tears away before Charles could see it.
I walk over and put breakfast i just made on the table for Charles and Christian and i turned walk straight to our share bedroom. He notice it’s very unusual for me to skip breakfast today, I never skip breakfast because it's so important.
"Wait Y/n, you don't eat breakfast today?" Charles asked
"Yea, i feel a bit dizzy because i couldn't sleep last night, so I'm still a bit tired now, please wake me up at 8am so I can get Christian change and then we have to arrive at the airport on time" I said but still didn't turn to look at Charles, because I was afraid, I was afraid that if I turned to look into those eyes of Charles again I would see those images, the images of Charles looking at her with those eyes, eyes that I thought were only for me.
The clock strikes 8 o'clock Charles wakes me up, I change Christian's clothes and Charles prepares the car to drive us to the airport on time so we can arrive at London on time and Charles will go to Italy to "her" the famous actress. When we got to the airport, Charles hugged me and Christian tightly
“I love you, mon a'mour and have a safe flight” Charles said and kissed me on the lips, I have to kiss these lips because it will probably be the last kiss from Charles that I get, then he kiss Christian once again
“Charles, you have a safe flight too and enjoy the race baby” I smiled and said, does Charles recognize this smile? a sad smile, “Christian say bye bye papa, see you at home.” I turn to Christian. “Bye bye paapa” His cute little voice makes me feel a bit soothed. Before Charles can say anything, I turned away and got into the plane as fast as i can before he can see another tear run down my eyes
As soon as Christian and I arrived in London, our friends were there to pick us up, no matter what, I will make the most of my days in London and just forget everything that happened back to Monte Carlo.
2 days later
After 2 days spending all my energy for my girls wedding day, today me and Christian had to leave London to go back to Monte Carlo and it’s 6am, we’ve to catch a flight in 9am so i think it’s best to get yourself ready while Christian still asleep. I pack mine and Christian lugguage, after finish I open my phone to check who’s texting me in this early morning, one of my other bestfriend Céline back in Monte Carlo just sent me a link and the next she text me “WTF?! Are you okay?”
I click onto that link, and it’s show an images of Charles and Kristiana kissing eachother at Italy Grand Prix.
The i started to read every single word that was exist in that news
“Three years after Prince Charles Leclerc and Princess Y/n married, people whom attended today race at the Formula 1 Italian Grand Prix got caught Prince Charles Leclerc of Monte Carlo kissing another woman, it is none other than actress Kristiana Bailee, it’s known that the two have a history dating but after 2 years together, the two of them decided to end their relationship then Prince Charles Leclerc found the love of his life is Y/n Y/l/n (Princess Y/n of Monte Carlo now) and together they have a 2-year-old son, Prince Christian Arthur of Monte Carlo.
It could be said that this was an affair and this has led to media criticism of the way Prince Charles Leclerc and actress Kristiana Bailee act in public. Accordingly, Princess Y/m is not present at the Grand Prix race in Italy today is because she has to attend the wedding of her close friend in London.
So far, the Royal Family has not made any announcement about this information.”
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My heart sink once again, i felt like i cannot breath anymore… they’re now making it public. During the flight from London back to Monte Carlo, I sat with Christian on my lap and pondered over how to react when I met Charles, I might be angry uncontrollably. As soon as I got home from the airport, I saw Charles' car parked at the front gate of the house, so I gave Christian to the babysitter. I went straight into the living room where Charles was sitting, and as soon as I entered I immediately asked Charles.
“Do you love her? Kristiana Bailee” I ask him with a calm voice and show him the images that those people has taken of them kissing, trying to calm myself down cause i just don’t want to hurt anyone while we’re having this kind of converstion
“Y/n, it’s not what its look like, you have to trus-” He start to explain a little, trying to walk across the big sofa to grab me
“Do you fucking in love with her? CHARLES FUCKING LECLERC! JUST FUCKING ANSWER MY QUESTION” I raise my voice at Charles, then bridge of my nose start to feel uncomfortable and a stream of tears ran down my face. Charles hated to make me cry, he once said to me that i don’t deserve who make me cry… but now here he is the one who make my heartbreak into small pieces and cry my eyes out
“I’m so sorry Y/n, and no i’m not inlove with her. I just don’t fucking know why i’ve done all of this shit” He said with a sad, regret voice then i continued to ask him “How long? Charles how long have you and that bitch been doing this behind my back?”
“You know what Charles, never mind” I didn't even care to hear his answer, I turned and walked out of the room with an unbearably gloomy atmosphere. Charles chased after me and grabbed my arm so tight as if I could disappear into thin air at any moment.
“Please don’t leave, Y/n please” Charles begging me to stay and look straight at me into my eyes
“Charles I already know everything, everything from the day you came to Italy Grand Prix, but I still trust that you would never do such things. But when I found out the truth, and also the everything, it really made me extremely disappointed! Why do you do such things that you’ve promise me? do you think our 9 years relationship and 3 fucking years of marriage doesn't mean anything? If you not think about me when you’re with her, you atleast think of our son Christian, how do you think he would feel when he’s old enough and found out that the reason his parents divorced was because his father was secretly FUCKING another woman behind his mother back? and that’s other woman is his father ex lover. It’s hurt me so bad Charles my heart ache everytime i saw those images got posted everywhere on every social platform” I said while crying, Charles look shock when he heard the word “divorce”
“No we are not going to get a divorce Y/n. Hit me, shout at me or do whatever you want but please don’t get a divorce” Charles said, i snapp back “NO CHARLES THERE ARE NO FUCKING WAY TO WORK THIS SHIT OUT ANYMORE, IT’S OVER” I storm out of our house.
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behidethetrees · 9 months
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HOLD MY HEART, ITS BEATING FOR YOU ANYWAY.
IN WHICH… You’re ethans dream girl!
Pairing: Ethan landry x Fem! Reader
Contents: non-gf! Ethan, Reader is bffs with Tara and Anika <3, Chad is definitely Ethan’s biggest hypeman, This is set in the 2000s!!
THIS IS A REUPLOAD!!! my blog got deleted so I have to re-upload all my fics :( but nonetheless enjoy!!
HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR YEAR 2005 ;
Ethan has had his eye on you for a while.
Since junior year of high school when you asked him for the algebra notes, he's been completely infatuated with you. He had daydreamed about you and everything he would do for you once you became his.
He was so sure you two would tie the knot soon that he started to plan your future together. He dreamed about having a big house with two cats, a good-paying job so he can spoil you, maybe even kids. But he couldn't have any of that if he hadn't talked to you yet.
he decided to take matters into his own hands, He was going to talk to you. He thought of all the different ways he would approach you But every time he tried, Once he got close enough to you, he would always back down because of how nervous you made him.
Ethan felt as if you were getting farther from him Until one day when you asked for the notes again…
"I- uhm, can tutor you if you want." Ethan blurts out
"tutor me? You think I'm stupid?" you said in that sickly sweet voice of yours which, at that moment, didn't feel all too sweet.
"NO!, oh God uhm-no that's not what I meant. I'm so sorry I didn't mean it like that, It's just uh we have a test soon so I didn't know if-" Ethan started to ramble. He had fantasized about you for too long to let you slip away. He wasn't going to let it happen.
"I'm just fucking with you, here's my number." you laugh as you tear a piece of paper from your notebook and grab Ethan's pen from his hand.
Ethan was sure he was seeing hearts around his vision. Ethan had made YOU laugh, Ethan's heart was pumping out of his chest. As you handed him the paper, smiled, and thanked him he had to force himself not to kiss you right then and there.
Every tutor session ended with you two just talking and getting to know each other. Ethan studied you. he memorized what you liked, didn't like, your favorite foods, the shows you liked, everything you told him he would remember.
As you two became closer, Ethan became more and more devoted to you. You two went shopping? He’d carry your bags. Out for food? He’d pay. Simply walking towards a door? He’d hold the door open for you. You had started to consider Ethan a best friend and that made Ethan's stomach hurt with excitement.
When you introduced Ethan to the group, of course, Chad took a quick liking in him, So much so they're now roommates at Blackmore. Ethan would be lying if he said he wasn't jealous of Chad at first. How close you guys were, how comfortable, How much trust you put in him, Everybody loved Chad and his personality, Chad had a higher chance of being with you than Him Ethan thought, and something about that made Ethan's jaw clench harder every time, But he would never admit this.
BLACKMORE UNIVERSITY, SOPHMORE YEAR 2008;
When you got that text from Ethan, Tara grabbed your pink flip phone and freaked out.
“Oh my god! y/n you HAVE to accept this!” Tara yelled as she grabbed your shoulders and shook you.
“Why this restaurant though? Why does he want to go that far out for food?” You said with too much obliviousness that it hurt everyone in the room.
“You have got to be kidding me.” Anika started “ He likes you! He's taking you to a fancy dinner to tell you, There's no other reason why he would want you to go that far out for a hamburger!”
“I don't think he does though, I think he likes that girl in our econ class” You said, The thought of that makes your heart hurt. You had liked ethan for awhile, He was so kind and attentive, If you asked him for help, He would be there in a heartbeat. He treated you with so much respect and gentleness you knew no one else could give you like he did.
“Jill? Are you kidding? You're so blind.” Tara says “Well he looks at her sometimes-” You start getting defensive.
“She sits in front of him Y/N. I promise you he doesn't like her, if he does he's an idiot!” Tara yells.
Anika agrees with a loud yeah!
“Whatever but I still don't think he likes me, we're just friends.” In your gut, you knew that was a lie but you kept telling yourself it wasn't.
“He has heart eyes every time he looks at you y/n. He's definitely in love with you.” Anika said, Tara laughs.
The whole afternoon Tara and Anika helped you get ready and pick out what to wear. You all decided on a y/f/c colored dress with some dark shoes. Tara straighten your hair and Anika did your nails and picked out your perfume.
“He's gonna be more in love with you than he already is!” Tara says, You laugh as Tara and Anika hug you.
Ethan was sitting in the booth of a fancy restaurant that was quite the drive from Blackmore. Chad had finally convinced Ethan to ask you out and when you agreed, Chad's plan was finally in motion. Ethan smelled like Chad's cologne and was dressed in expensive clothes Chad had brought him, a baby blue collared shirt with grey dress pants. Ethan's curls were somehow curlier and out of his face, he looked like a ‘million bucks’ according to Chad.
As you walk in you noticed a group of three sitting to the left of the entrance, All dressed in black, sunglasses, and their hair covering their faces, One of them looked like Anika, You almost laughed. What you didn't notice was Ethan's eyes going wide as he saw you walk in. How his blood started rushing and his heart was about to explode.
“Hey y/n!’ Ethan awkwardly gets up from his seat, He puts his hands on your waist to pull you into a hug.
“Hey Ethan.” you say as you lean into his touch, placing your arms around his neck. It was a short but an effective hug. You too, were now nervous.
As Ethan lets go, You exhale a breath you didn't know you were holding.
You sat across from Ethan and looked at the menu, but Ethan didn't. Ethan was looking at you. Admiring you. How focused you were, how your eyebrows moved up a bit if you saw something that looked good, how you played with your silver ring, taking it off and putting it back on your finger.
“ I think I want to try this, Ethan are you looking?” you ask as you move the menu to show Ethan, “ Are you okay?” You noticed Ethan was just staring down.
“I uhm, need to tell you something.” Ethan says softly. Was he really about to do this?
“Oh okay” Ethan saw you fidget with your ring again, He knew you were just as nervous as he was.
Ethan looked down at his hand to remember what to say- oh crap, Ethan's black ink was smudged from washing his hands. Ethan cursed himself in his head for being so dumb. Ethan breathed in deeply, trying not to panic. What was he supposed to say now?
Ethan picked up his head but avoided making eye contact with you, But you on the other hand were looking right into his hazel eyes that still somehow shined even in the dimed lights.
“I don't know if this is weird because we're friends and I don't want to make you uncomfortable,” Ethan starts, He knew this wasn't the best way to start but he didn't know what else to say. “If you don't feel the same that's okay, And if you don't want to be friends after this thats fine too-” Ethan is stalling.
“Ethan what are you saying?” You knew what was coming but you wanted to hear him say it.
“Its nothing bad! I just uhm, like you.” Ethan mumbles while scratching his face.
“What?” You heard him, You just wanted him to say it again.
“ I like you y/n, I've liked you for so long it's making me crazy.” Ethan's mouth begins to move faster than his brain. “ I've loved you ever since I've known you and- and I've tried to show you, The best days of my life revolve around you, it's always been you.” Ethan doesn't notice that you get up and start to walk to his side of the booth.
“ I’d do anything you want, I already do everything you want and I'm sorry if this is weird but your all I want-” You grab Ethan's hand from his lap as you sit next to him, Now he notices.
“Ethan how could i not like you? Youre like, the best person ive ever met.” You make sure he looks you in your eyes so he knows you really mean it.
“ You have so much kindness and patience and i admire that so much, You make me feel loved.” You say as you lean in to kiss him. Ethan was caught off guard but slowly he grabs your hips as you place your hand on the side of his arm. It was a long passionate kiss filled with years of yearning and love for each other.
As you began to pull away you see the same 3 weird people from the other table in front of you.
“Tara?!” It was Tara, Anika, and Chad dressed up, Anika Was recording.
“Is it official?” Tara asks with excitement. You and Ethan looked at each other before smiling and turning to the others and nodding.
Immediately Tara grabs you out of the booth and hugs you so tight you felt like you couldn't breathe, Anika also joining in. Chad and Ethan do their handshake they’ve practice for over a year, this time they perfected it.
“Dinner is on me!” Chad yells.
A/N; Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed!
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