#yes I don’t like Lisa sue me.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Untethered

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Actor

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Original Female Character

Characters: Elvis Presley, Original Female Character, Addison Goodwin, Joe Goodwin, Mona Goodwin, Jess Goodwin, Lisa Marie Presley, Gladys Presley, Vernon Presley, Minnie Mae ‘Dodger’ Presley

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4319

Summary: Addison and Elvis have made it through more than most but that was because despite everything they always had each other. As if their souls were tethered but what happens when the rope snaps.

Tags/Warnings: Flashbacks, Love, Established Relationship, Cuddles, Hugging, Arguing, Parents, Implied Death, Implied Sickness, Family Arguments,

Notes: I'm up watching the candlelight vigil so I might as well post!

This a fic that links to The Girl He Left Behind/Here You Come Again. Set after Here You Come again by quite some years.  Basically it’s the long and happy life Elvis deserved.

Special thanks to @ccab for letting me be such a masochist [and yes I cried writing it sue me]

LINK TO ELVIS & ADDISON MASTERPOST // LINK TO AO3 // LINK TO PINTEREST

Addison could hear them arguing. She was sure she wasn’t supposed to, not given how her father had told her to stay on the porch swing until he came back out or how they attempted to say everything in harsh whispers, yet she could hear every word as it floated through the open window. And to make matters worse they were arguing about her. 

‘And who’s going to watch her?’ Joe said hands on his hips as he watched his wife rifle through her purse which she had just picked up off the hallway dresser. She was dressed differently from before, Addison could only see through a small crack in the curtains, but her robe was gone now, replaced by a sleek black dress and her shoes, the ones she had shouted at Addison for playing in earlier today - the reason her daddy had found her crying on the front porch - clacked along the wooden floor.

‘You’re her parent too y’know,’ Mona said her gaze never looking his way as she slipped a compact out of her purse and checked her appearance.

‘And when I have to go to work? When you traipse in at God knows what hour or better still don’t come home? What then?’

‘You’ll figure it out Joey you always do,’ Mona said sarcastically, blotting her lipstick with her finger before she snapped the compact closed and threw it in her purse and then finally looked up at the man in front of her.

‘I make it work because I have to! Because you make me-‘ he snapped, his voice growing heated as he felt his frustration mounting.

‘Make you?! I didn’t make you do anything! You wanted a kid, begged me remember? Now you’re trying to blame me for what you signed us up for,’ Mona said in a tight whisper making Joe push a hard lump down in his throat, ‘you wanted Addison. I wanted my life.’

‘Addison is our life,’ Joe said angrily waiting for his wife to say something, anything that might insinuate she agreed if even the slightest amount but she watched him, stony faced and unyielding.

‘I’ve had her all day you have no idea what it’s like,’ she said eventually.

‘What would you rather go to work? Bust your hump every damn day to put food on the table,’ Joe argued.

‘Be a damn sight easier!’ Mona snapped, ‘do you know what’s it like? She doesn’t want me, Joe. Every day is the same. I’m never the one she wants, it’s always Daddy this, Daddy that when I’m the one home with her all day.’

‘She’s a kid Mona! Kids push your buttons,’ Joe said.

‘Well she can push yours tonight,’ she said slinging her purse onto her shoulder as she headed to the door. 

‘So what you’re just gonna run out every time it gets hard? We need you Mona,’ Joe said following her. Mona paused, her hand on the door handle before she looked back at her husband, ‘and what about what I need?’

And before Joe could protest she wrenched open the door an flung herself down the garden path. Joe moved forward, standing in the door frame as he watched his wife climb into the cab that was idling in the middle of the street before it took off at speed. He only looked up when he heard a tiny voice speak from somewhere on the porch.

‘Is Mama mad at me?’ Addison said with a sniffle as she sunk back down onto her bottom pretending she hadn’t been kneeling up at the window, listening to every word. Joe looked at her, forcing a smile as he walked towards her sitting down on the swing beside her as she climbed onto his lap. 

‘No baby she’s not mad at you,’ Joe said placing a kiss on the top of her head.

‘Then where’d she go?’ she asked as she looked out at the garden in front of them.

‘She’s had to pop out to see a friend,’ Joe lied. 

‘But she’s coming back?’ Addison asked hopefully. 

‘Of course baby,’ Joe said though he wasn’t sure that was the case. 

‘Okay,’ Addison said quietly cuddling into him as he started to rock the porch swing with his feet. 

The sun was sinking in the sky now, creating orange and pink streaks above the houses across from them. And his baby girl was nuzzled into him, her little fingers playing with the chain he was wearing around his neck as he rocked them. 

Any other time it would’ve been a nice moment. But not tonight. 

He had just gotten home from a long day at work, back breaking labour he was hoping would be followed by a nice meal and maybe an ice-cold drink. But that wasn’t the scene he was greeted with when he got home. No, as he pulled up he found his little girl sitting on their front porch sobbing her heart out. She had been waiting for him and ran to him the moment he had put his foot on the garden path, burying herself in his neck as her tears made his already sweat soaked shirt damper. He had asked her what was wrong but she hadn’t managed to get her words out, every bit of speech broken by sniffles and erratic breaths as she tried to explain herself. 

But as he stepped over the threshold of his home he knew what was the matter. Mona.

He had placed Addison down and told her to stay on the porch until he came back out and though she was still sniffling and her lashes were clumped together with tears she had nodded allowing him to go into the house alone.

As he walked towards the back of the house he could sense something was up. Mona was flitting around the kitchen taking pots off the stove and decanting vegetables onto two plates on the countertop. It was a domestic scene that would be seen all over the United States tonight and yet their scene wouldn’t unfold like everyone else’s would. His wife wouldn’t kiss him as he greeted her. She wouldn’t serve him his dinner or ask him about his day. She wouldn’t put their little girl to bed, the pair of them making sure she was soundly asleep before they settled down enjoying one another’s company. 

No tonight would go as it had a thousand times before. Mona would throw a haphazard meal on the table and then she would leave for whatever good time she had managed to arrange. He would make sure Addison was fed, ask her what had made her cry which she would no doubt inform him to be something her mother had said or did, and then he would bath her and put her to bed wondering if his wife would be laying in the bed beside him in the morning. 

All of that had been put into motion the moment he had asked her why Addison was crying. 

That had been what had led him into the argument, it had been the reason the pair of them were now sitting on the porch swing both as broken as the other. The only bonus was that Addison seemed to have stopped crying, fresh tears didn’t even seem to come as she watched Mona flee from them as if she were leaving the scene of a crime. Yet that hurt in its own way. It hurt so much that he had to peel himself away from her. 

He needed time to rebuild himself, if only the ten minutes it would take to finish dinner, so he could be there for her when the inevitable questions rolled in.

‘Addie?’ he asked causing her large hazel eyes to look up at him expectantly, forcing a wave of sadness to flow through him at just how familiar they looked, ‘I’m gonna make dinner okay?’

‘Okay,’ she said as he moved her off him, placing a kiss on the top of her head before he stood up. 

‘You stayin’ out here?’ he asked earning a nod in response. It was a small relief, at least holed away in the kitchen he could let his emotions flood through him without upsetting her, ‘okay. But don’t go wanderin’ off ya hear me? You ain’t allowed out of this yard.’

‘I know,’ she said with a smile. 

And then he headed inside the house and out of sight. Addison watched him go before she sat back on the porch swing. She didn’t want to stay outside, it was getting late and a chill was flowing through the air making her shiver in her thin dress but she knew it was better to be here. If her daddy had wanted her outside whilst they argued he’d want her out of the way when he cried. 

She couldn’t hear it this time, he was deep enough in the house that she couldn’t hear anything but she was sure he would cry. Like he always did when him and her mama fought. She didn’t know why. She didn’t know how he could hold her and make her feel like everything was better and yet he couldn’t fix himself. How her mama could leave him so broken. 

It made her tiny heart hurt. 

She had heard how her Mama had complained about her wanting him and it was true that throughout the day she had asked for him nigh on a thousand times. It had gotten on her mother’s nerves and so she had told her to go and play though she didn’t say anything about staying out of her parents’ closet. She had been trying on one of her mother’s fancy necklaces and walking around in the shoes that clacked along the floor when her mother had found her. She had yelled blue murder, yanking Addison up until the shoes dropped off her feet and clattered onto the floor. And then she had shoved her through the bedroom door, screaming about how she could never have anything nice, how Addison was nothing but trouble.

It had made her cry and that had only seemed to make her mother angrier and so Addison had fled to the safety of the front porch, waiting for her dad to get home. He always made her feel better. He never made her feel the way her mother did.

That was why she wanted him around. She knew her Daddy loved her, her mother she wasn’t so sure about.   

As the sun continued to set and the chill got worse Addison got up from her seat on the porch swing, moving into a strip of sunshine that warmed her body in a way that made her feel a touch happier. She was revelling in the warmth as she watched a bug flit between the gap in the concrete of the porch floor, her finger chasing it as it ran into the shadows, but her attention was caught as she heard a chugging engine coming down the street and looked up to find a truck pulling into the driveway beside them. Addison scooted forward; her face pressed close to the wooden slats of the porch fence as she watched with curiosity. The house beside them belonged to Mrs Miller, a kind older woman who always gave her candy whenever she saw her by the fence. But Mrs Miller hadn’t been home for a while so this car pulling up was odd.

Addison watched as the car stopped and a man she didn’t recognise jumped out. He looked like her daddy, though where her daddy lacked a smile, he couldn’t seem to stop, especially as the rest of the car’s passengers started to disembark. Addison watched as a lady stepped out, not as smiley though she did brighten up as the man continued to talk gesturing to bits of Mrs Miller’s house. Addison watched as he threw his arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple as he spoke animatedly about the house in front of them. Though she could see how happy they were it made her feel sad, it made her wonder why her parents couldn’t be like that.

Then she was distracted as she heard the clunk of a car door and looked across to find a boy a bit older than her making his way around the back of the car until he was at the other side, opening the door and helping out an older woman until she was firmly on solid ground. As he helped her up the path that had become overgrown and unloved in Mrs Miller’s absence Addison watched him.

He wasn’t a teenager but he was definitely older than her. His hair was sandy blonde, though it seemed almost as brown as hers as it was combed tightly to his head, the product he had used to get it that way making it look darker. Addison leaned in closer, watching him as he took a spot beside the younger woman, finally making a larger smile play on her lips.

‘What are ya doing down there, baby?’ she heard Joe say forcing her to whip around so quick as though she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t. Though as he watched her his gaze travelled beyond where she was sitting, clocking the fact there were now people next door. Addison watched as he waved to them and found the man she didn’t know waving back.

‘You wanna meet our new neighbours?’ Joe asked. Addison looked towards the family for a second and then back at her daddy who was waiting patiently then she nodded. Joe offered out a hand which she ran to, his large one encircling hers as they walked down the front steps and towards the fence where the man was now waiting, the rest of them talking amongst themselves.

‘Found it okay then?’ Joe asked with a smile as he leaned across the fence to embrace the man, his other hand still holding Addison’s who was watching them closely.

‘Yeah, just followed your directions,’ Vernon said, ‘again I can’t thank ya enough.’

‘Oh you know it was no bother,’ Joe said, ‘Jack didn’t sting ya too hard on the rent did he?’

‘Nah,’ the man said, ‘I think he’s just happy someone’s gonna be lookin’ after the place.’

‘Well from what I hear his mom’s gonna be headed to a long-term facility after hospital so you never know he might make it permanent,’ Joe said.

‘I hope so,’ the woman said appearing at the man’s side as she offered her hand out, ‘Gladys.’

‘Joe,’ Joe said, ‘nice we can finally meet. Vernon’s told me all about you.’

‘Only good stuff,’ Vernon ribbed.

‘Likewise,’ Gladys said rolling her eyes at her husband before she noticed the little girl standing beside him watching her inquisitively.

‘Which means you must be Addison,’ the woman Addison now knew as Gladys said looking down on her with a kind smile. She smiled back but tucked herself behind her dad’s leg as a blush flooded through her.

‘Hey now who are you tryin’ to convince you’re shy?’ Joe chuckled stroking her hair, ‘say hello baby.’

‘Hello,’ Addison said quietly.

‘Hi there,’ Gladys said.

‘Hi sweetheart,’ Vernon said with a smile.

‘You want me to come over and show ya round? I think they’ll have switched the power and gas off at the mains but everything’s the same as ours so I can show you how to get set up,’ Joe said.

‘You wouldn’t mind?’ Gladys asked.

‘Of course not,’ Joe said.

‘Thanks man,’ Vernon said as Joe nodded and climbed over the small fence one leg at a time before he turned back to Addison. She let him pick her up but as he placed her down on the other side of the fence, she stopped realising the boy from before was watching her. He was leaning against the truck, his blue eyes watching her closely as she looked towards him.

Then she found herself moving, her shyness from earlier disappearing as if there was something tugging her forward. She only stopped when she was stood in front of him, her large hazel eyes looking up at him as she smiled.

‘Hi,’ she said.

‘Hi,’ Elvis said leaning up off the truck he had been resting on.

‘I’m Addie,’ she said.

‘Elvis,’ he said offering a hand out which he expected her to shake but she didn’t. Instead she dove headfirst into his midriff, her tiny arms wrapping around him though they didn’t meet at the back. His own hands moved to her back holding her to him though far more tentatively than she was hugging him. When she pulled back she smiled at him, offering her hand out for him to take which he did without thinking, unable to say no.

He could feel himself being tugged, his arm nearly wrenching out of the socket as she raced forward following the grownups. But it was more than that. The tugging didn’t feel as though it was coming from that small yet powerful hand, but from within them. Something tethering them together and for some reason he couldn’t help but smile.

As Addison pulled out of the memory she felt a tug deep inside her. She didn’t know why, after all that memory was a happy one and given that she was awash with all sorts of memories these days she should take comfort in the ones that were as nice as that. Though she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised, not when that tugging seemed to be a permanent fixture of her being these days, as if it was pulling her at the seams, trying to break her apart. Especially as she watched Elvis. He was lying in bed, his eyes closed and the book he had been reading on his chest though it slipped as he shifted, falling into the crevice of his arm and startling him awake. Though as he grabbed it he noticed her standing by the bathroom door watching over him and he smiled at her, that old familiar knee weakening smile – not changed by age.

‘What are you doin’ over there?’ he said quietly, ‘c’mere.’

Addison didn’t say anything but she obeyed his request, moving towards the bed and climbing on it until she was able to lay down beside him, moving the book as she nuzzled into his side, his arm going around her. He held her for a moment, his fingers tracing soft circles on her arm. Addison didn’t look up at him, soaking in his warmth as he held her, trying to commit this to be one of the memories that plagued her.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Elvis said after a moment.

‘The day we met,’ she said honestly, still staring out across the other side of the room though she felt him move his head no doubt looking down on her as he said, ‘yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ she said quietly.

‘The day at the fair?’ he asked.

‘No, the very first time,’ she said making him breath a laugh.

‘Jeez you remember that?’ he chuckled quietly, ‘I can barely remember what I had for breakfast.’

‘I don’t know how. It just…came to me,’ she said.

‘You were barely three years old,’ Elvis said.

‘I know,’ she said quietly. She didn’t know how she remembered it. How her brain had plucked something she hadn’t thought about for years out and made her relive it and yet she wasn’t surprised. It was something her mind was doing more and more. As a way to cheer her up or torture her she wasn’t sure. After a moment she said, ‘you know what I do remember?’

‘What honey?’ he asked knowing there was more to whatever she was thinking about.

‘My mama and daddy were arguing if you can believe that,’ Addison said making Elvis chuckle, ‘so I was trying to ignore them. Took myself out on the front porch so I couldn’t hear my daddy cryin’….and then I see this big ol’ truck pull up and this nice couple get out followed by this older lady and then this skinny little thing helpin’ her out of the car-’

‘Lean not skinny,’ Elvis corrected making Addison smile.

‘This lean little thing,’ she corrected before she continued, ‘and y’know they looked happy. The mom and dad were smiling and the kid he seemed so kind and I just wanted to run right into the middle of it. To barrel headfirst across my garden until I was in it. In the middle of all that love.’

‘Addie your daddy loved you more than anything in this world you know that,’ Elvis said holding her a touch tighter.

‘I know and I wouldn’t have traded him for the world but I always wanted to be a part of it,’ she whispered.

‘A part of what honey?’ Elvis asked.

‘Your world,’ she said trying to push down the lump in her throat as she spoke, ‘I was drawn to it like a rope tied around my middle pulling me to it. To you.’

‘I know what you mean,’ Elvis said. He had felt it too. Every time she had walked into his life there was this pull, something pulling them together until they were tethered. It hadn’t been an easy road but it was never one they could escape. That was why he felt his heart shatter as she spoke again, this time in barely more than a whisper.

‘What am I gonna do when the rope snaps?’ she asked. Tears were falling now, rolling down her cheeks and onto the cotton of his pyjamas no doubt creating damp patches he would be able to feel but she couldn’t stop them.

‘Oh Ads,’ he sighed. They’d had conversations like this before but he’d never heard the fear in his voice that was present now. She’d always kept herself contained, strong.

‘I mean it. What do I do?’ she asked with a sniffle, ‘because I know you keep saying you’re ready. I know you believe in whatever’s up there…but what if I’m not? What if I’m never going to be ready El? All my life you’ve been there in some form, the rope pulling us back together.’

‘You think I wanna go?’ Elvis said unevenly, he could feel his own tears stinging in his eyes but he forced them back. It was the first sign of vulnerability she had shown and he wasn’t going to make her take care of him, ‘honey I would stay here with you forever if I could you know that…but God…he’s got other plans.’

‘He should change ‘em,’ she said attempting a joke though it was barren of mirth.

‘Only you would be so stubborn as to ask God to make an exception,’ Elvis chuckled.

‘You know me,’ she said. She pulled back, placing her hand on his chest as her hazel eyes found his blue ones each watching the other with the same pained yet loving look.

‘You’re right. I do,’ Elvis said moving a strand of hair off her face, ‘and I know you well enough to know you’re strong enough to survive this. I know that you’ll know what to do. That you’ll look after our girls, our grand babies and anyone else who needs it. I know that you’ll take care of ‘em the way you’ve took care of me all these years.’

‘But I could take care of everything because I had you,’ Addison said, her voice breaking as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

‘And you will,’ Elvis said firmly, ‘do you think I’d every truly leave you? Baby I was always with you and I always will be. I’ll be with you in everything you do and then one day we’ll be back together. You’ll see.’

As tears fell she tried to contain herself but she couldn’t stop the sob that broke free at his words, at the thought of him not being beside her as he had been all these years. Elvis moved his thumb across her cheek, swiping the dampness from under one of her eyes as he watched her.

‘Tell me you believe me,’ he said. Addison watched him. She had been so strong up to now yet as their deadline seemed to grow closer she felt more and more doubt creep in. Even when they had been apart she had always had him, she had known he wasn’t too far away. And she wanted to believe that would still be the case, that what he believed would be right, but she didn’t want to find out. She didn’t want him to go. Not yet. Yet as his blue eyes watched her she couldn’t tell him no. She couldn’t allow her doubt to ruin him. Not if that brought him any ounce of comfort.

‘I do,’ she nodded.

‘Good, though I demand you take your sweet time,’ he jested.

‘When do I ever do what you tell me,’ Addison said allowing his joke to lighten the sombre mood.

‘You will this time you hear me?’ Elvis said, an air of seriousness running through his tone, ‘because this life it still has so much left for you Addie…so promise me you’ll make the most of it.’

‘I promise,’ Addison said, putting her head down on his chest again as he clasped his hand over hers, his heart beating steadily under their touch.

‘Elvis?’ she asked after a moment.

‘Yeah?’

‘Can we just be us for now? No making the most of anything, no thinking about anything…just you and me?’ she asked. She had given him his comfort now she just hoped he would give her what she needed.

‘Whatever you want honey,’ Elvis said kissing the top of her head.

‘I love you,’ she said shakily.

‘I love you too.’

SERIES TAGS

@girlblogger2002 @sania562 @caitlin1996 @literally-just-elvis-fics @notstefaniepresley  @artlesson8892 @18lkpeters​ @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @presleyenterprise @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @lettersfromvenus @louisejoy86 @ccab

[fancoloredglasses]

Letters From Home (They had to prove the two series are linked somehow)

[All images are owned by Toei Animation and World Events Productions. Please don’t sue me.]

(Thanks to Radwolf76 for the suggestion)

For all anime aired for an American audience (at least in the 20th century), the source material is cut, spliced, re-sequenced, re-dubbed, and in the end is only tangentially related to the source material (with one exception that I know of, and even that was heavily edited)

The two versions of Voltron are no exceptions, having been adapted from two anime series that have nothing to do with one another except the mecha are built from smaller vehicles (yes, in this case I'm calling the Lions "vehicles") and they defeat their adversaries with giant swords they conjure out of thin air.

They were given similar opening sequences (including the same narrator), the same name for their adversaries (robeasts), and of course the mecha have the same name. However, many fans believed these were different universes...until this Vehicle Team episode. If you would like to watch the episode, it's available on YouTube or behind your favorite paywall.

We open with Chip, the smallest member of the Vehicle Team and a member of the Air Team (don’t ask me which part of Voltron he winds up being; I’m not that invested) on a road trip with his brother Pidge (who pilots the Green Lion) Unfortunately they’re in two separate anime Pidge is asleep and doesn’t appear on screen. However, in the middle of his monologuing about the fun times they’re going to have, he looks back to find…

What? You were expecting to see Pidge? I just said the two characters come from different anime franchises!

Then Chip wakes up from his nightmare on board the Explorer.

At roll call the next morning, Captain Newley (Explorer’s Commanding Officer) announces that the ship they just rendezvoused with brought mail (this was made in the days before the internet, so email wasn’t A Thing yet) Chip is eager to hear from Pidge, but no luck. Just a boring letter from his parents.

Meanwhile at a nearby Drule Empire base, their patrols are gathering intel on the Galaxy Alliance fleet that are with the Explorer.

Speaking of the Explorer, they are assisting in the reinforcement of defenses at a nearby Galaxy Alliance base.

The base detects the Drule patrol and launches drones to deal with them as we go to commercial.

The drones make short work of the Drule patrol, but they know more are on the way.

(Jeff being the leader of Air Team; I’m not listing all 15 members since most are barely even mentioned in the series)

However, as Air Team prepares to launch…

So where’s Chip?

Feeling sorry for himself. Lisa (from the Sea Team) breaks him from his funk by asking why he’s not with the rest of Air Team. He immediately rushes out, dropping the letter he received.

However, Captain Newley can’t wait and sends Land Team out instead.

In the hangar, the rest of Air Team lays into Chip verbally (to be fair, he’s the reason they were grounded for this mission, though I’m not sure why Captain Newley didn’t just send out Air Team without Chip)

Chip doesn’t take that too well.

Meanwhile at the Drule base, the Commander goes over the intel gathered and comes up with a plan on how to defeat the Voltron Force.

Back on the Explorer, Sara read Chip’s letter from his parents. Turns out he didn’t get any mail at the beginning of the episode.

Lisa then goes into some exposition about Chip and Pidge and why they’re so close. Jeff then suggests that Lisa talk to Chip (since she’s the one who found out)

Meanwhile…

…a Drule fleet is on the way as we go to commercial!

Back at the Explorer, Lisa reaches out

Meanwhile, the Land Team has discovered a distress beacon on a nearby planet. Captain Newley scrambles Air and Sea Teams, but Chip refuses to go. Lisa decides to stay by his side (you don’t suppose being 2 ships short will matter?)

Chip admits to Lisa that he wrote the letter and lets loose the emotional floodgate.

Lisa assures Chip that something must’ve happened to the letter (suuuuuure it did)

On the planet, Land Team discovers the wreckage of a Drule ship.

You think it’s a trap? I think it may be a trap.

I KNEW IT!

The Drules realize the Voltron Force is two vehicles short, so they attack!

Yeah, no shit!

Then the Drules deploy their latest Robeast!

Crap, it’s got a sword! As any Voltran fan will tell you: once the sword is out, it’s all over!

However, despite being outgunned and two short, Air Team and Sea Team make short work of the Drule fleet. Unfortunately, Land Team still needs to deal with the Robeast!

On the Explorer, Captain Newley pleads with Lisa and Chip to join the fight.

This is enough for Chip to break out of his funk as he and Lisa rush to their vehicles and arrive in time, so…

Once Voltron is in play, the battle ends quickly…

…and what’s left of the Drule fleet quickly retreat.

Later on the Explorer, Captain Newley has something for Chip: a letter!

And wouldn’t ya know, it’s from Pidge! The producers then splice in scenes from Lion Force as Pidge’s voice narrates the letter.

Excuse me, I have some familial love in my eye.

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

Masterpost of all the openly LGBTQ+ women’s footballers at the Olympics (and their girlfriends/wives)

We did this for the 2019 World Cup and now here we are again for an encore celebrating all the lesbian, bi and trans women’s football players at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics! I’ve tried my best to be as inclusive and thorough as possible but do let me know if I’ve overlooked anything at all :)) Right, without further ado and in no particular order, let’s jump in! NOTE: yes this list is over 65 players long so most follow after a cut 

Vivianne Miedema (Netherlands, Arsenal): the woman, the myth, the legend. Not only is she an incredible footballer breaking records for club and country for years at this point, but she also has many off the pitch talents such as her incredible eyebrow raising skills, ability to take her teddybear everywhere she goes, be one half of the soft bros and the unmeasurable love and support she gives Lisa Evans who she met at Bayern Munich and they now play at Arsenal together (one of many gay footballing migrations) whilst working a side hussle as vloggers. Lisa missed out on a Team GB ticket to Tokyo (#JusticeForLisa) but she’ll be sporting that orange shirt from home in London for sure!

Shelina Zadorsky (Canada, Tottenham Hotspurs): her relationship with fellow Spurs player Rosella Ayane is still relatively new but they’ve already firmly established themselves as one of the cutest couples in futfem with their banter, incredible looks, podcast features, supportive messages and general sweetness. 

Tiane Endler (Chile, Olympique Lyonnais): she recently made two life changing decisions - moving from PSG to rival club Lyon, and marrying her now wife Sofia. Tiane absolute legend of the game for her incredible saves, her ability to carry like five players at a time and her casual openness about being herself.

Leah Williamson (Team GB, Arsenal): another player on the long list of Arsenal gays, she’s very much an icon with a love for Arsenal and for the game only matched by her love to tease her girlfriend, teammate and another footballer left out of the GB squad, Jordan Nobbs. With their questionable sense of style, endless Blu (Jordan’s dog) content, jokes about Jordan’s brain capacity from Leah and an overall level of supportiveness and respect in one another they are a couple to be loved both on and off the pitch.

Megan Rapinoe (USA, OL Reign): her and her basketball-playing fiancée Sue Bird are an Olympic couple if ever there was one! Sue Bird is about to compete in her fifth Olympics and try to bring back her fifth gold medal, whilst Megan has less Olympic gold but such accolades such as the Ballon D’Or and two world cups under her belt. As for her fight for equality, well what is there to say that people don’t already know?!

Marta (Brazil, Orlando Pride): there is no greater legend of the game than Marta. For coming up to 20 years now she has been making waves within and beyond the women’s football community due to her unmatched skills, her leadership and her passion. Recently, she’s been making waves by announcing her engagement to fellow Pride teammate Toni Pressley, with whom she is also the mother to some adorable dogs. I mean just look at the love and sweetness that radiates off of them!!!

Sam Kerr (Australia, Chelsea): depending on who you ask, and mainly going off ig comments, she may or may not be currently dating USWNT Olympian Kristie Mewis (USA, Houston Dash). Either way though, they’re both absolute gay icons in their own rights being very open about past relationships and generally living their iconic lives. But I mean yeah, just explain some of these comments...

Magdalena Eriksson (Sweden, Chelsea): a name that should be topping the list when it comes to futfem couples. Her and her long term girlfriend Pernille Harder are not just a force to be reckoned with on the pitch but also off it. After a picture of Danish Pernille wearing a Swedish shirt kissing Magda after a world cup match took the world by storm they have been using their growing platforms for so much good, doing tonnes of interviews, advocating about LGBTQ+ rights, donating money to charity etc etc. You cannot understate how much they do for the community and how cute they are with each other!!

Stephanie Labbé (Canada, Rosengard): She is part of another Olympic power-couple since her girlfriend is Georgia Simmerling, a track cyclist olympic medallist who is also the first Canadian to compete in three different sports in three different Olympic Games

Fernanda Pinilla (Chile, Universidad de Chile): she has given a few interviews speaking openly about being gay in Chile and the effect that this had on her footballing career and life outlook in general. She’s in a relationship with sports journalist Grace Lazcano Armstrong.

Lucy Bronze (Team GB, Manchester City) and Keira Walsh (Team GB, Manchester City): after having played in different teams and different countries for a few years, last year Lucy returned to the WSL so that they could play together again “for a new challenge”, and now they are thriving sharing changing rooms for both club and country!

Bárbara (Brazil, Sociedade Esportiva Kindermann): she openly addressed her sexuality after posting about her now-exgirlfriend on instagram before the 2019 world cup. Now she’s just living her best life looking this stunning

Merel Van Dongen (Netherlands, Atletico de Madrid): one of my absolute personal favourites, Merel and her Spanish girlfriend Ana Romero make one of the cutest matchups around. Having met when they were playing at Ajax, they then moved to Real Betis in Spain where they stayed until Ana’s retirement at the end of last season. They’ve now got a dog and everything. Merel has always been unapologetically herself, from standing up to homophobes during university in Alabama to doing interviews and posting openly about her sexuality, she really is a lesbian legend.

Chloe Logarzo (Australia, Kansas City): her and her girlfriend, ex-pro footballer and firefighter in the making, McKenzie Berryhill have recently celebrated their second anniversary together! Chloe has been very vocal about her sexuality and her experience of coming out saying that “there are still a few people scared that it is going to tarnish their image, but for me, if it was going to tarnish my image then it’s not the image I want because I’m not telling the truth.”

Hannah Wilkinson (New Zealand): she has always been very open about the relationships she’s been in and just talking about her sexuality in general, such as in an interview where she discussed what it’s like to be a part of the lgbt+ community as an athlete: “Coming out is an incredibly sensitive and vulnerable experience, and when supportive and reassuring people that have been through that same experience surround you, it makes a huge difference.”

Lina Hurtig (Sweden, Juventus): she has just had a baby with her wife and ex-professional football player Lisa Hurtig and they make the cutest little family! They even starred in a short Juventus documentary which got broadcast to the millions of social media followers the club has.

Christen Press (USA) and Tobin Heath (USA): probably the most well-known and one of the most successful - both football wise and in their off the pitch endeavours - footballing power couples! Sure they have never publicly announced their status nor talked about their sexualities but they don’t need to. They just live their lives being themselves and what says love and domesticity more than travelling half way across the world to play together, setting up their own company together, taking photos of each other with rainbows as backdrops etc etc?!?!

Kadeisha Buchanan (Canada, Olympique Lyonnais): never one to shy away from posting about her past relationships she it out and proud alongside being a crucial piece in the Canadian national team having been named the Canadian women’s player of the year three times!

Quinn (Canada, OL Reign): despite being a self-proclaimed introvert, Quinn recognised the power of using the platform of a professional athlete of such high calibre and so publicly came out as transgender in September last year. They have done many interviews since, saying that “I think being visible is huge and it’s something that helped me when I was trying to figure out my identity... I wanted to pass that along and then hopefully other people will come out as well if they feel safe to do so and I can create a safer space for them”. By just being their authentic self, Quinn has become a trailblazer within the sporting community and beyond.

Kailen Sheridan (Canada, Gotham FC): she’s been dating Dominique Nicole for over three years now and cute pictures of them together abound on their social medias but I think this one just has to take the title for best!

Yenny Acuña (Chile, Santiago Morning): her and her girlfriend have been together for coming up to five years, and alongside their two dogs they make a very sweet family!

Demi Stokes (Team GB, Manchester City): she is currently engaged to a woman who she first met after her fiancée slid into her DMs, a modern love story if ever there was one lol

Sophie Ingle (Team GB, Wales): she’s been engayged for quite some time now and given her post a few months back about picking out wedding dresses I’m guessing the big day will finally be coming around soon!

Fran Kirby (Team GB, Chelsea): Fran’s story is one of resilience, and passion and dedication. Her and Maren Mjelde, fellow Chelsea teammate and Norway player, have been through thick and thin together and yet they’re still winning trophies and competing for the title of best dog owners!

Rachel Daly (Team GB, Houston Dash): if ever there was to be a centre to the current futfem dating circle Rachel would likely be it, but for quite a few months now she’s been dating fellow England teammate Millie Turner

Carly Telford (Team GB, Chelsea): her coming out story is about as low key as it gets in the media world, she just casually dropped into an interview in 2017 that she hoped her girlfriend Georgia Elwiss would end up a Cricket World Cup winner with her squad, at Lord’s- and so she did. And now she’s not just her girlfriend because they’re engaged!!

Lauren Hemp (Team GB, Manchester City): she met her gf whilst playing for Bristol and from time to time she’ll bless your timeline with photos like this one

Jill Scott (Team GB, Manchester City): I don’t know what it is with this team and being engaged at the moment but she’s also set to marry Shelly Unitt. They’ve also recently started a coffee shop together and nothing says power couple more than footballer businesswomen!

Formiga (Brazil, São Paulo): at the age of 43 she’s still playing football at the highest level possible having just resigned with the club where she started her career almost 30 years ago! Her legendary status also translates off the pitch, where she has been very open and posting about her wife after they married just a few months ago

Debinha (Brazil, North Carolina Courage): another one who has been dating her club teammate Meredith Speck for a couple of years now and look at them thrivinggg

Andressa Alves (Brazil, AS Roma): she’s been married for over a year now to her wife and ex-pro footballer who won silver in Beijing, Francielle. Let’s see if this year Andressa can do one better!

Gio Queiroz (Brazil, Barcelona): this eighteen year old has played at youth levels for three countries and is now already a consolidated member of the Brazilian senior squad. Ornella Vignola (who also plays for Barça B) and her, who knew each other since before last season because of Spain youth teams, have become the epitome of baby gay on their tiktok.

Aline Reis (Brazil, Granadilla Tenerife): her and her long-term girlfriend Bruna moved to Spain together a few years back and now Aline’s ig is full of photos of them living the footballing life in the Canary Islands!

Saari van Veenendal (Netherlands, PSV): she’s one to keep her private life pretty under wraps, saying that “I have the responsibility to use that fame to promote women's football and to inspire young girls. That feels like something wonderful. I do it with my heart and soul. But my Instagram is not full of photos of family and friends. Only my sister appears. My parents, friends and partner don't. I don't want my attention to be their attention" 

Stefanie van der Gragt (Netherlands, Ajax): she has a young daughter with her partner Mary and just look at the three of them goooo

Danielle van de Donk (Netherlands, Arsenal): her and Arsenal teammate Beth Mead have never been ones to shy away from posting about each other but lately they’ve been getting a lot more vocal about their love for each other and we absolutely love to see it.

Jill Roord (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): after being dubbed futfem’s most eligible bachelor for years it seems like she’s found someone in Norwegian player Ingrid Engen (no I’m not jealous of Jill... okay maybe just a lil bit)

Shanice van de Sanden (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): the amount of powerful gay energy that her and her gf radiate from this photo alone tells you all you need to know about them!

Sherida Spitse (Netherlands, Ajax): she’s got a family of four with two kids and her wife who she married with Van de Sanden as their witness, and the domestic vibes they have together are impeccable

Annouk Dekker (Netherlands, Braga): she started dating her girlfriend Laura Casanova after she met her at Montpellier, and after a short long-distance stint they’re joined the gay football migration and signed with Braga together.

Caitlin Foord (Australia, Arsenal): if lockdown gave us one thing it was the start of the relationship between her and Swiss Arsenal teammate Lia Wälti when they decided to spend lockdown together rather than alone, and the rest is history!

Tameka Yallop (Australia, Brisbane Roar): she’s one wife and one mum of another very adorable family! Her wife, Kirsty Yallop, is an ex-New Zealand footballer and now they’ve got a daughter too

Erin McLeod (Canada, Orlando Pride): she has been out and proud about being a lesbian for years, campaigning to get a change in the language of the Olympic Charter and serving on the Canadian Athletes' Commission as the LGBT representative. She used to be married to Ella Masar (who now has a son with Babett Peter) but has been in a relationship with Gunny Jonsdottir for quite a long time now.

Alanna Kennedy (Australia): since being part of the wsl aussie migration at the beginning of last season she has started dating her now ex-teammate at Spurs Becky Spencer

Teagan Micah (Australia, Sandviken): she’s been very public in the past about her relationships and now seems to be living her best life exuding a tonne of gay energy

Similar things can be said about Ellie Carpenter (Australia, Olympic Lyonnais),

Hayley Raso (Australia, Everton), 

Kyah Simon (Australia, PSV), 

Emily van Egmond (Australia) 

and Elise Kellond-Knight (Australia, Hammarby) - can you tell that the Matildas is basically a synonym for queer at this point?

Mackenzie Arnold (Australia, West Ham):  she met her girlfriend Carson Pickett whilst she was on loan to Brisbane in 2017, before Carson moved back to the US to play for Orlando Pride and she’s moved to England to play in the WSL. The distance, unsurprisingly, hasn’t been easy on them but it still looks like they’re going strong.

Abby Erceg (New Zealand, North Carolina Courage): she has been dating her NCC teammate Kristen Hamilton for years now and they’re cute on main on the time!

Hedvig Lindhal (Sweden, Atletico de Madrid): she has been happily married to Sabine Willms for ten years at this point with whom she also has two sons. 

Caroline Seger (Sweden, Rosengård): in an interview she said that she used to conceal her sexuality but decided to speak out circa 2014 to help other young people who may be struggling. She has also done a lot for gender equality in the sport, especially making sure that more younger girls get into playing. She has had so much of an impact that she was one of five of her teammates to be honoured with their own statue which then got defaced but the movement against the backlash showed how much greater the support is. She is likely to be in a relationship with national and club teammate Olivia Schough (Sweden, Rosengård)

Tierna Davidson (USA, Chicago Red Stars): an underrated gay icon on the USWNT, she’s been dating her girlfriend Alison Jahansouz for over four years now since they met whilst playing together at Stanford University.

Emma Kullberg (Sweden, BK Häcken): although her gf and teammate Julia Zigiotti didn’t quite make the Olympic roster they did do this really cute interview together the other month ://

Adrianna Franch (USA, Portland Thorns): not only was 2019 an amazing year for her due to winning her first world cup, but she also got wifed up to Emily Boscacci!!

Kelley O’Hara (USA, Washington Spirit): most people found out about her queer status during the celebration that ensued after winning the World Cup where her kissing her girlfriend for all the world to see has gone down in lgbt history. 

Jane Campbell (USA, Houston Dash): okay but three words only - family! Christmas! photos! 

Clare Polkinghorne (Australia, Vittsjö): nope we’re not even done with the Australians, she has a long-term non-footballing girlfriend :))

Carla Guerrero (Chile, Universidad de Chile): her girlfriend and teammate, Yael Oviedo just missed out on making the cut to board the plane to Japan, but going off her ig post of support she’ll be Carla’s no1 cheerleader for the duration of the tournament and beyond

Christine Sinclair (Canada, Portland Thorns): the record-holding goalscoring legend has for quite a few years been going out with another footballing legend as one of the 99ers, Tiffeny Millbrett

Sisca Folkertsma (Netherlands, Girondins de Bordeaux): her and her gf Patricia van Laar have been together for quite a few years at this point, they are just about to start a new chapter together in France where their ig accounts are likely to remain filled with contet of each other!

Lynn Wilms (Netherlands, Wolfsburg): her and Sophie Pieterson, they started their pro careers together at Twente in 2018 and have won a lot of silverware together before Lynn signed a new contract for the upcoming season in Germany.

Jennifer Falk (Sweden, BK Häcken): there’s a different kind of footballing power couple at play here since she is dating a a futsal player called Pernilla Johansson. It seems like their relationship was casually mentioned in an SVT article a few months ago , detailing how in a futsal final Pernilla was playing in audiences weren’t being allowed by Jenny was asked to be a ball girl which she immediately said yes to! 

Filippa Angeldahl (Sweden, BK Häcken): she is with Megan Brakes who works as a high ranking partner with Neverland management, one of the most reputed sports agencies based in Scandinavia. 

[foolondahill17]

Dean Winchester’s half-way house for orphaned half-monsters (and humans)

Summary:  What if Dean just kept every kid he’s ever been in contact with?

Chapter Two: Sam, Interlude I

“Hello, Dean.”

“Jesus – fucking – shit!” Dean nearly swerves the car off the road when a familiar, trench-coated figure appears in the passenger seat of Lisa’s car with a mere whoosh of displaced air. “Don’t do that!” 

Bobby John gurgles at Dean’s voice.

“You have acquired a child,” Cas says, craning his head to get a look at the car seat in the back. “I was under the impression a human gestational period is nine months.”

“He’s – he’s not mine,” Dean sputters, still attempting to slow his heartbeat. He struggles to keep the car between the lines and his eyes off Cas – but, sue him, it’s been a year. Dean wants to look. Wants to make sure Cas looks okay. Truth is, he looks the same: rumpled coat, rumpled hair, rumpled face.

“Ah yes,” Cas says. “I see. Did Lisa copulate with a shapeshifter?”

“What? No! He’s not Lisa’s either. It’s sort of – a custody thing.”

“Hmm.” Cas does that squinty thing he does when he doesn’t understand humans, and it’s been so Goddam long since Dean’s seen him, the momentary flush of relief to have him back is so overwhelming that Dean nearly runs the car off the road again.

 “So?” Dean barks, righting the car. “Where the hell you been, man?”

 “I wasn’t aware you wanted to see me,” Cas says with disarming honesty. When Dean prayed in his and Lisa’s bedroom a half hour ago, he hadn’t really thought through the mechanics of actually seeing the guy again, let alone talking to him after so much time had passed. “You never prayed.”

“Yeah, well, I – I was fucking busy, okay?” Dean says gruffly.

“As was I,” Cas says.

“But I – for the record,” Dean hurries to add, suddenly anxious that Cas doesn’t get the wrong idea. “I didn’t not wanna see you. It was just – it was…busy.”

“I also didn’t not want to see you, Dean,” Cas says, still with his uncomfortable earnestness. “Truthfully, I checked in on you as often as possible. It seemed like you were cohabitating peacefully with Lisa.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean murmurs – he does not have time to examine whether he finds Cas checking in on him over the past year to be strangely endearing or just fucking strange. “She’s a…and I’m a lucky guy.”

“I’m – glad,” Cas says.

Dean looks at Cas again, trying to see if the guy really is glad, if he even has the equipment to be glad now that he’s all recharged, or if that’s something he left behind along with his susceptibility to hard liquor. Dean swiftly changes the subject,

“So, Sam –”

“Yes, Sam,” Cas says.

[spaceorphan18]

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #83

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

Mario (Opening Night) 

“See, what did I tell you? You can walk right in. These kids don’t know the meaning of safety. Any psychopathic nut job - probably dressed as a Santana, and claiming to want to help the children, could waltz right in and steal every tacky and mismatched piece of the furniture and ornamentation you only find in a college dorm room equivalent.”

Mario nods his head surely as he follows his new love, Sue Sylvester, into the loft. “You’re very right, Sue. I have a very luxurious apartment of my own.”

“Well, someone has to watch over this place when they’re not here,” Sue says. “Besides, I would hate for our beastly desires to destroy your home.”

It’s a bit drafty, and a little dark, and very much reeks of the odors of at least five college students. Maybe more. How anyone could live stacked on top of each other like this is beyond him. Dirty clothing is left strewn about on the floor. There are food wrappers and cups and half eaten cartons of things molding on every surface. A thick level of dust permeates throughout the place. It’s nauseating.

He can think of much better places to create their own little love den, but most of them you have to pay a good chunk of money to use. This place is free - and god how he can’t wait to tear Sue Sylvester’s clothes off.

“Oh, Sue!” He growls a little at her, teasingly, before sweeping her into a passionate kiss. This woman is an animal he’d like to tame. They break apart, having to catch their breath. “So, this place belongs to your previous students?”

“Yes,” she says, roaming around, inspecting. “My dear sweet Porcelain and his questionably perverted yet charming groom. There are also a dwarf and some woodland creatures who live here, too. But unlike in the Disney musical they all clearly came from, they don’t do a lick of honest work - including cleaning the place. But still -- my deepest desire is a flower girl at Porcelain’s Lisa Frank inspired wedding, and I can’t help but be giddy at the prospect of leaving my fingerprint in his home.”

Mario chuckles at the thought of leaving more than a fingerprint. “You would make the most ravishing flower girl, Sue.”

“Oh, Mario - how you make my loins throb with desire.”

They wander around the loft a little. The place is divided in half, and he can’t help but think that while one side is nicely decorated - even with the grotesque lit up star on the floor, but the other side is duller than a cheap motel room. No pictures, bland bedspread, so void of personality it doesn’t even look like anyone lives in here. There is a mirror next to the bed, though. He does think they’ll be using that…

He finds a standing closet and fumbles through a little, discovering a very nice animal print robe. Oh, he enjoys this, he thinks as he rubs the soft material. He likes this indeed. “Half a moment, dear, I want to get ready,” he says, stealing away to the bathroom. As he changes, he hears Sue clunking around. “What are you doing, my love?” he asks.

“I’m sorry to tell you that they aren’t the kinksters I had pegged them for,” Sue says. He can hear the disappointment in her voice. Soon, he’ll whisk all that disappointment away… “Despite the weird puppet obsession and the bird fetish, I thought I might find something you could use to tickle my insides in case I wore you out. No man has ever ridden me to completion.”

Mario comes out of the bathroom in nothing but the robe. Her words have made him horny, and he is so ready to make love until dawn. “I assure you, Sue, I am the stallion for that job.”

He pulls back to the curtain to find Sue lying on the bed, spread out in all her naked gloriousness. He undoes the robe, and prepares himself for the most passionate night of his life.

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

I’m baaaaack bitches 😘 let’s be honest the last two episodes were shit & you wouldn’t have wanted that wwr anyways. SO let’s get into the ✨angst✨ that was Nick’s episode under the cut…

Oh but before I start, why yes, yes I called this theory too. Me and this writer share a goddamn brain or something because I’ve literally always guessed big plot points of his episodes correctly 😅

Ok Nick’s dad leaving like that, with poor bby Nick all sweet asking if he promises to bring him back his favorite pastry and him hesitating before he’s going to promise- NO. 

*picture Michael Scott gif here*

It’s not faaaaaair, little Nick deserved so much better- so MUCH better. And it’s only going to get worse as the episode goes on, so strap in for the walk down emo lane. 

Quick pit stop for cute banter because duh. Nick giving the real estate agent Ellie’s number cracks me up because bro you want this house with her don’t you 👀 you still keep her business cards on you when you could have just as easily gotten your own (or McGee’s) by this point 👀 you just want to maaaaarry her and move iiiiiiin with her I knooooooow it 👀 Ellie’s reaction the split second we see also has me dying because she’s like ha ha this is funny you had to talk to real estate agent you drew the short straw hey wait what the fu— you did not! Before McGee interrupts any protest she can hurl back Nick’s way and that’s just gold right there. Pure middle school flirting as per usual for them and I love it.

Oooooooh Kasie’s lab scene. The growth in this one. Nick worried his family and by extension him, is going to get implicated for murder (or is guilty) even though it sounds outrageous to him, he’s got PTSD from Mona Lisa (and who wouldn’t tbh). But Ellie immediately, like IMMEDIATELY goes and defends him. Is like uh-uh don’t even GO there, it’s not a possibility its just person of interest I don’t care if it’s literal hair at the scene of a man stabbed brutally seven times, he’s not a murderer. The grooooooowth Ellie, I’m so proud of you 🥺 we went from using that logical head to realizing it’s ok to listen to your heart and wade into situations with empathy (especially for the boy you ~*looOOoOoOve*~) And then Nick talking about his dad being dead and a deadbeat and walking out when he was 5, he looks at Ellie almost the entire time, only barely glancing over at McGee like he needs to have that connection with her, she grounds him when this is suddenly very jarring having a relative by semi-involved in a murder. And Ellie isn’t the slightest bit shocked when Nick dumps this news so clearly she’s heard it and by her look, not only has she heard this, but she does not like the man for what he did to Nick. She looks pissed his father hurt Nick like that because how dare any one hurt her man 😤

And oh here it is, we back on emo lane. Nick recognizing and seeing his dad for the first time in 30 years. It’s gonna hit like a 🎵freeeeeight traaaain🎵 at first he can’t even believe its him, he blinks like a thousand times because *surely* his eyes are deceiving him and then his dad goes and uses his nickname, his nickname people the CRUELTY. YOU DON’T GET TO JUST SHOW UP THIRTY YEARS LATER AND CALL HIM BY HIS CUTE LITTLE NICKNAME YOU GAVE HIM AS A CHILD. YOU DON’T MIGUEL. NOT IN THIS GD HOUSE. Ok and now nick is in pure shock because he just got confirmation that his dad is not only *not* dead, but he’s here in front of him, in DC no less, possibly a murderer no less. AND he’s finding this out by chasing him down *not* by Miguel reaching out to him while in DC. The shock and confusion and hurt my poor baby.

And when that shock wears off and it’s just barely contained rage, my heart 🥺 so of course Ellie goes in there with him and nows she needs to immediately be the support she knows he needs but he won’t admit to needing. Nick tries to deflect with a joke at first but oh honey it’s no use. But quick comedic relief for us on emo lane “sit down, no I don’t like sitting” AHAHAHA like father like son I’m cackling because the look Ellie and nick share and nick’s eyes warn her like don’t you dare fucking say it and she’s like yep yep nope I wasn’t gonna say a damn thing I’ll just look down and try to contain my laughter because now is NOT the time. But see I’m on my couch and I can laugh all I damn well please at this scenario that was gold from the writers thank you. On a more serious level this probably hurt nick even more seeing that he’s even got the smallest something similar to his dad. He’s probably desperate to be the exact opposite, he doesn’t want to even consider being capable of what his father was capable so this - while seemingly insignificant - thing like not wanting to sit in a chair will hit deep for him without him realizing it. If something so trivial is the exact same, wouldn’t something much much heavier like commitment to relationships and family be the exact same? Wouldn’t it?? And good god poor nick for going through that mental anguish, on emo rollercoaster lane. Because it just gets better when Miguel’s excuse for being in DC is “visiting family” like call your BULLSHIT Miguel you certainly ain’t visiting family and Nick now knows oh he lies too, great, another win for the Torres blood, fan-fucking-tastic. 

Quick peek at viewing room and we don’t believe in personal space, Ellie wants to be as close as possible to her hurting bby 🥺

But back to the emo stuff - Miguel just lying off his ass and Nick fed up with his father’s games because it’s truly just twisting that knife in his back that’s been stuck there for 30 years deeper and deeper. AND THEN Miguel has the audacity to yell out for “Nico” like bitch you do NOT get to call him that either. You walked out on him and never came back gtfo. And Ellie is trying so hard to keep it together but man she wants to do one of two things if not both at the same time - wrap Nick up in her arms and shield him from this deadbeat and/or punch this man through the glass to cause just a fraction of the hurt he caused Nick. But instead she just has to keep her cool to be the supportive girlfriend she is and ask nick what he thinks and then. Then. “He’s lying…because his lips are moving”

Well FUCK. Murder me right now. The anguuuuuuuish. Poor five year old Nick in a 35 year old Nick’s body. That little boy who was promised a big hojaldre in the morning from the next town over is right there. Right there to witness the father he thought he had, hasn’t changed. One of the only memories Nick probably has of his father is him leaving. Him lying and leaving. And what does he do when he finally shows up again? 

HE LIES AND LEAVES. HE FUCKING LIES AND LEAVES. (I know I’m getting ahead and technically at this point we don’t know he’ll leave again but whatever sue me because this shit is too much.)

Side note: Ellie talking about a “conflict of interest” that Nick didn’t interrogate his father is laughable considering she should have never interrogated Xavier but ok. 

Ooooo lets see some pissed off Nick. Let it loose baby, you deserve this. And I know I wrote about this in the tags somewhere but can we take a second to appreciate McGee’s growth??? Like bro went from straight up denial to acceptance and giving Ellie the look of “go talk to your boyfriend ok we need to make sure he’s alright and we both know your support is going to go a lot further than my support” and Ellie wordlessly kNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S SAYING. She’s like yeah, of course I’ll go help my man why wouldn’t I. 

I don’t know why but Ellie asking Nick if he’s talked to his “mom and sister” is just so 🥰 I can’t explain this one to you but I love this dialogue ok. Actually I love this whole ensuing conversation. Nick still is bitter (he has every gd right to be), Ellie playing the supportive girlfriend but *tiiiiiniest* bit of devil’s advocate with saying he might be innocent. Once again, so much growth because honestly she knows what it’ll do to Nick if his dad actually *is* a murderer. Like can we for a second imagine if his dad actually was guilty, right? Nick already saw he was like his dad in trivial things like not wanting to sit in chairs. Nick has already had serious, serious doubts to what he’s capable of aka worried he could, if the right buttons were pushed, be a murderer on multiple occasions. Ellie has been there with him for all of that, she knows how low his confidence is when it comes to his perceived “goodness” and she knows just how much it would break him if he learned his direct bloodline IS capable of murder. She knows how he’d spiral if that was true and so she’s gripping to any small possibility his dad is innocent. But nick, oh poor Nick my heart- he’s done. He opens up to Ellie without literally any prodding. He’s baring his long buried soul to her, that troubled, broken childhood that he surely keeps locked away in fear of letting anyone see a weakness. He bares it without question because he feels so safe in her presence he can let her in to see his deepest shame and by extension his deepest worry 🥺🥺🥺 and poor Ellie, she’s a little lost at how to go about helping him because she does have a good relationship with her dad, so yes all she has here for him is saying his father was guilty of a crap dad but it’s because she’s still trying to convince them both he has to be good. He has to be good for Nick’s sake. Buuuuuuut it doesn’t really work does it, because oh shit pissed the fuck off Nick is a site to behold isn’t it 🥵 kicking down doors once again and his smart “still think he’s innocent” oooooooo damn. Ellie’s face says it all- she’s trying so hard to hold out hope for Miguel, so hard. She needs him to be innocent she’s willing to speak it into existence a thousand times but her face is like fuck this is going to kill him and I can’t do a damn thing about it other than just watch. 

More pissed off Nick 🥵 but when you think about it is so so painful, all I can picture is that little 5 year old boy who woke up the next morning waiting, waiting, and waiting. Staring out the window at each car that slows down but ultimately passes. Tugging on his Mami’s shirt asking for the hundredth time when papi is coming back from the bakery with his hojaldre, oblivious to the tears that are slowly sliding down her cheek because she still can’t find the words to tell him what she knows deep down. That little boy who when the sun starts to set the confusion sets in with it. Why hasn’t my papi come back yet? Where is he? He promised. The sadness and sense of rejection that starts to fill his little heart when his mami tucks him and his sister into bed and he asks one final time where papi is and will he say goodnight to them and his Mami has to say she’s not sure when he’s coming home and quietly to the side, “if he’s coming home.” The little boy who weeks later has finally abandoned watching out the window every, single morning. The little boy who had his heart ripped out and thrown to the side of the road when he realized his papi didn’t go to the bakery and instead he was thrown out by his father like a day-old hojaldre. So yeah pissed Nick is fine af but good god the angst underneath is suffocating. Because Nick in this moment doesn’t know the *true* reason Miguel left. He knows what he lived and what he lived is a piece of shit. Nick’s response to “is that what you think of me” is amicable because OOF he could’ve gone the fuck off right there and told him what he really thought of him but he stuck with only a slight dig. TO WHICH MIGUEL. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. IT HASN’T HURT YOU MUCH. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. FUCK YOU. SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE A SHIT DAD SO YEAH PROBABLY A GOOD THING YOU LEFT. THANK HIM NICK WITH YOUR FISTS BECAUSE HE’S A LITTLE SHIT. FUCK YOU MIGUEL. TOUGHENED HIM UP SO MUCH HE SHUTS EVERYONE OUT. YEAH FUCK YOU. 

And then man here is the point where it all just muddies in Nick’s mind. The poor dude. He knows this line of work, hell he was undercover for almost a decade. He understands how that leaves almost no room for a family. He gets it, so deep deep deep down a tiny part of him realizes why Miguel likely *thought* it was ok to ditch his family. But for thirty years he’s felt abandoned- no reasoning can change that. 

“It’s good to know he was making a nice living while my family was starving” fucking GET HIM NICK. Damn I wish Miguel had been in the room for that. He deserved to hear that one. Ruthless. 

I do not know how I missed this the first time around but holy shit Nick asked to be removed from the case. Nicholas Torres- a man who does not back down. A man who bullied his way into finishing his first ever case with this team that he was arguably way too close to that one too. This is how much pain Miguel brings him. A man who does not quit, not in his vocabulary - was so pissed at getting sent home back when Reeves died, he asks to get sidelined. He actually asks to get sidelined. Holy shit Miguel did a number on Nick and I mean we knew this but 🥺😭😭 poor bby. No wonder you don’t trust yourself in a serious relationship. It’s not the girl you’re worried about it’s you. You don’t think you’re capable of staying, you’re terrified you’ll be just like your dad and leave. once again, you’ve seen the similarities with trivial things and so this just cements your fear of failing at commitment. And this is Nick in just so much pain he asks to step back. oof. I do love Leon stepping into a slight fatherly role for Nick right there though, he shows his support, his pride in Nick and in that moment I think Nick realizes while his father by blood is shit, he’s got several other strong role models in his life that care and that’s why he agrees to work with him. 

Nick’s smarts comment about leaving the note behind ���� oh classic Torres move. Also do yourself a favor and pause it on Ellie’s reaction to him. GOLD hahaha she’s like ooo-kay did you really feel the need to say that, let’s not. Honestly I think I’ve given this look to my husband almost daily. They married y’all. 

So married that she overhears Miguel trying to talk to Nick and her hackles raise!!! She’s like hold the fuck up do not traumatize my baby even more, Nick do you need me??? Because I will get you out of this, I will be here for you, I will fight this man, just say the damn word!!!! And Nick ugh, his look. They can communicate with just a simple look, he knows all that she would do for him in that moment and still nods her off, but that tiny bit of gratitude is present. Then we find out that yes Grace is really good at guessing theories “in order to keep his young family safe, it means he has to leave. Of course he can’t *tell* them why he has to leave so that they continue to stay innocent and safe. So he plays it like he’s a deadbeat dude who was “too young” to be a father and is just now realizing it and leaves his wife, little daughter & son behind. Flash forward thirty years and the NCIS case leads them to him. A piece of evidence pops up with his alias, they go knocking down doors to interrogate a potential suspect (Nick’s father) before our lovely CIA agent interfere and claims he’s innocent because he’s a CI…” like DAMN, I’m good. Hahaha any ways the reason I bring this up is because I feel like I predicted/analyzed Nick’s feelings really well back then in this theory and after seeing his expressions, they hold true. Nick is just absolutely warring with himself during this explanation, searching for anything to confirm his dad truly is a deadbeat (and yes he is still absolutely a piece of shit for what he did, but there’s a “good” reason for his leaving and that’s what makes it so- hard.) and as I said when I first broke this down, Nick understands undercover work and his dad (being the POS he is) brings that up to Nick. Like he should “get” it because wouldn’t he do the same thing since he’s in that life? But here’s where (and Nick doesn’t totally realize it yet) Nick and Miguel are different. Because Nick came back, Nick stayed. He stayed y’all and he says it here but he does not realize the implications of his words quite yet. He is NOT the same as Miguel. Yeah he doesn’t like to sit in chairs but he has stayed. He has stayed through some tough shit too but he’s stayed nonetheless. More than Miguel could ever fucking say, that’s for sure. So yes, when Nick has the come to Jesus and realizes that he is not the same as his dad and he can and will stay? Damn I can’t wait for that moment. Also I wanted to slap Miguel when he called Nick “mijo” because BITCH YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL HIM THAT. YOU DO NOT GET TO CALL HIM YOUR SON. NO. “I’m not perfect but I did the best I could” well fuck you too Miguel because look at this broken five year old boy inside a thirty five year old man’s body. Does that look like the product of a “best you could”?? Does he look “ok” to you??? Fuck you. 

But yes here’s my take on where Nick is at: how do you forgive someone you’ve despised for thirty years once you know they “didn’t have a choice” (even though it will always feel like they had a choice or they could’ve explained it to you even if you were only five) and left in reality token you safe and give you a better chance at life? How do you reconcile the real dad and the one you lived with in your head for so long?? How???

And then you’re stuck still reeling from the night before and the bomb that was dropped and the reconciliation you’re attempting to your dad bringing in the ONE THING. The ONE THING he promised to bring home in the morning thirty years prior. How the actual fuck does one come back from that. Can I give another big FUCK YOU to Miguel Torres? Because seriously??? Why do you ever think that’s ok??? Hey I promised my kid I’d bring him hojaldres in the morning for breakfast thirty years ago so may as well make good on that promise right, only thirty years late that’s totally fine right? He won’t tell the difference right?

Fuck you, Miguel. 

And they’re still clearly Nick’s favorite because he’s brought Jimmy to a restaurant specifically for them and that just makes my heart break for the man he had to become without a father. He still held onto that love for them even though they were probably always associated with a horrible, horrible memory of being abandoned 🥺🥺 god damn Nick you’re so broken I’m so sorry. 

Ellie is still as supportive as ever and good god we clearly have lost all pretense of personal space at this point, what is her we don’t know her isn’t this normal for coworkers? But this conversation implies he called her after his talk with his dad and ugh yesssss 😩❤️ I still think he called her immediately after leaving the building, talked the entire car ride home and while getting ready for bed, needing the comfort of her voice on the other end of the line as he worked through his whirlwind of emotions and tried to come down off the cliff he felt himself on. All pretenses of a bad boy with a mysterious flare forever gone, his heart is open for her to see and he doesn’t give two shits about it anymore. But Ellie does a damn good job of girlfriend duties here and not only supports him but also gently prods him to see if he can maybe one day have a relationship with his father. The parallels she brings up makes him think (and also makes him look at her lips twice 👀 he’s just so close to her how could he not I mean right 😅) and I love that she’s still being v supportive but also trying to help him grow. 

And then Ellie giving Nick the option to go with his dad or go to the other location because she’s not going to push anything on him he doesn’t want and then when he chooses the embassy to avoid his dad her reaction had me laughing 🤣 but she respects it. And yet shortly after Miguel tries to team up with Nick and Ellie hears it from the other side of the bullpen, immediately all ears to step in if he wants to avoid him again despite giving him flack for it earlier. Nick can sense her worry and support and this is the moment he takes her advice in just a tiny step and accepts teaming up with his dad. But OMG KILL ME WHEN NICK THINKS HIS DAD IS DEAD BEFORE HE GETS TO TRY AT A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. HIS WHISPERED “papa’s” I CAAAAAN’T. 

Ugh and then his last conversation with his dad while Ellie is checking on him constantly. It’s just too much, that little boy is back, desperately hoping for his dad to stick around. And Ellie is just so happy she can’t contain it for him and it’s perfect. He walks right to her, her hand on his back because they just need to touch each other after such a heavy couple of days and Nick echoes her advice back at her because he’s showing he listens and he values her insight and I just love it. 

AND THEN MIGUEL HAS COME TO RIP MY HEART OUT BECAUSE HE’S A PIECE OF SHIT REMEMBER. 

My poor bby Nick’s face when he realized his dad LIES AND LEAVES. REMEMBER. HE LIES AND LEAVES. God Wilmer killed it because Nick is literally on the verge of tears and my heart breaks and then yes he goes to Gibbs to see his pseudo-father who he then realizes is more of a father figure than Miguel will ever be and hell that’s okay but STILL. 

I will end this WWR with a I love supportive girlfriend Ellie and another big Fuck You to Miguel Torres.

Goodnight.

[deans-baby-momma]

Truth or Dare-Part 8/20

Summary: The Winchester sibling trio has been through so much in the last decade. From the night of their parents’ 30th wedding anniversary party where Sam and Dean eased Y/N from her innocence to Sam becoming a happily married lawyer with a kickass nurse of wife to the three of them now living in the same town they grew up in under the same roof where each of them came of age.  Y/N is a working mother of three,  her days spent helping the townsfolk make proper and suitable financial decisions while bustling about escorting her two oldest to school and her youngest, Mary Ellen, to daycare; Dean’s garage is the premiere body shop for classic restorations and  car maintenance; people from other state’s bring their vehicles to them to be repaired. Business at Winchester Wheels  is booming; Sam is the legal council for Winchester Wheels and has been since he moved back home almost 5 years ago. He has his work cut out for him dealing with the people Dean pisses off and threatens to sue the garage on at least a monthly basis.

After one lust-filled night, the siblings become more than family.  They become lovers. The three of them, together and separately.

One big loving family.

So when Y/N’s boss calls for her to take a much needed vacation, the six of them hit the road. What will happen? Will it bring them closer together or break them apart?

W/C: 1556

Warnings: talk of body changes, SMUT, fluff, Sammy being “saucy”

I would be lying to say the idea of being Dean's one and only, to know that he was bound to me, isn't enticing and exhilarating.

Although, even now we are already practically a married couple. We basically live together; he hardly ever goes to his apartment and never sleeps there. He is in my bed, snuggled up to me each and every night. We raise our children together, making sure all their needs are met. We have sex. Sure sometimes Sam is involved but there are times when Dean and I get some one-on-one time. And let me tell you, as passionate as it is with both of my brothers, when it is just Dean and I, it's more sensual, more intimate.

So, yea I let jealousy get its claws in me tonight and that monster made me believe that I wasn't enough for Dean. I'm such an idiot.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, looking down at my lap. "I got jealous."

I look up at my lover through my lashes and see the smirk on his face. Cocky bastard!

"Don't be so smug asshole," I tell him but the sides of my lips lift. "It hurt. I thought you were tired of me or that I wasn't enough."  

"You will always be enough for me and I will never, ever tire of you," he tells me as he slides off the bed to the floor and walks on his knees to me. "Lisa was exactly what you called her, a whore. Hell, her pussy has probably been fucked by so many dicks, it'd feel like a hot dog in a hallway."

I couldn't help but laugh at his analogy. Dean Winchester sure had a way with words sometimes.

"You're probably right. What about mine?" I ask, feeling those desires creeping back up my body. "I'm sure I'm not as tight as I used to be. I have pushed three humans out of it."

Dean smiles up at me and lifts his hand,  pushing my hair behind my ear.

"Baby girl,  your pussy feels exquisite. Squeezes my dick just right. They, uh, they shrink back after you give birth. Not right away, but eventually."

"What?" I laugh. "How the hell do you know that?"

Dean blushes and clears his throat. "I might have done some research when you were pregnant with Isabella. I wanted to know what I should expect."

"So I'm still tight?"

"Well not as tight as before you gave birth, but baby you fit my cock like a glove. Sammy too. Hey, we talk!" he defends at my raised eyebrow. "We don't always just talk shop at work. I know about what happened when you tried…."

"Okay. Okay," I cut him off, feeling embarrassed about the time Sam and I 69'ed the first time. I actually tried to deep-throat Sam and actually ended up puking on him instead. The man's dick was lengthy!

"Y/N?" Dean says as he looks into my eyes. "Can I please make love to you now?"

I nod and breathe out, "Yes. Please."

Dean puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me down, capturing my mouth. He immediately requests access that I grant it by parting my lips for his tongue to snake through. 

I can already feel my clit tingling as I squirm on the chair, trying to find some friction. Putting his hands on my hips he stills my fidgeting; his tongue battling against mine. 

He pulls me from the chair and I land on his thighs as he sits back on his heels. 

“Can’t wait to get inside you,” he whispers against my lips. 

“Can’t wait to cum on your dick,” I reply. 

Dean pulls my legs to wrap around his waist and somehow manages to stand up from the floor with my body wrapped around his. I squeak and curl my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss. 

He lays me gently back on the bed, never breaking the connection as he lays right beside me, his hand running up and down my body, squeezing periodically. 

We slowly work at undressing one another and when we are both bare, he takes no time in taking his spot between my thighs. 

“I love everything about you Y/N,” he tells me, looking into my eyes. “I love your voice, your laugh, the way you walk, the way you talk. I love watching the way you take care of my children, the way you take care of me and Sammy. I couldn’t imagine anyone else I’d want to do any of that with. 

“You have had my heart since I was 16 years old and realized how I felt about my little sister. It might be wrong but it felt so right. Now,” he continues after bending down and pecking a kiss on my lips. “I’m going to enjoy fucking you into this mattress because I really love doing that.”

“Go for it,” I respond and promptly turn my head to the side, burying my face in the pillow and screaming as Dean slams into me. He is fully sheathed and throbbing inside my pussy and it feels so good. So good!

“Move! Move! Dammit Dean, MOVE!”

Dean obeys and begins a hard and fast pace, pumping into me over and over. His grunts are just as loud as my moans and whines.

“Fuck! Baby girl, this pussy will be the death of me. Goddamn, it’s so tight; squeezing my dick so good. Oh, you’re close aren’t you? You gonna cum on my dick? Yea you are. Come on. Cum all over my cock. Let me feel you. Let go.”

A sharp thrust causes the tip of his dick to hit that one good spot inside and I see stars! I cum so hard that I think I forget how to breathe, how to do anything, as my climax rushes through my body and releases around him.

“Fuck, Y/N. You squirted all over me,” Dean says in awe. Once I get my bearings back, I become aware of just how wet it is down there. The squelching sound as he keeps thrusting into me is heard throughout the room, along with the slapping of wet skin. 

Dean’s pace begins to falter and I know he is close to his own orgasm. “Fill me up Dean. Put all that cum in my pussy. I want to feel it leaking out of me for days. Come on, cum inside me, all over me, wherever you want. Mark me as yours!”

Dean growls. He growls like a bear right before he wraps his arms around my back, causing me to arch. His hips are going at a maniacal speed as he grunts and pants in my ear. 

“Oh shit!” he exclaims, as he pushes in as far as he can, his whole dick inside my cavern as he throbs and spurts and spews; his cum splashing against my walls and filling me to the brim. 

We lay on the bed, still joined for what seems like hours. Dean’s dick softens inside of me but he doesn’t move. His body on top of mine keeps me grounded and I lay there and think about what happened tonight. 

Dean and I had our first official date as a couple, he took me to a nice buffet and then at the bar he tried to impress me by breaking the record on a mechanical bull. I got jealous and went off on some bitch who was trying to flirt with him, to us coming back and him professing his undying, unyielding love for me and telling me he wished I could be his wife! 

I get pulled from my reminiscing as Dean pulls out of me with a squelch. I immediately feel his cum running out of me and down my ass to the sheets. Dean looks down and smiles. 

“I love seeing you pour my cum,” he says then hops up and goes to the bathroom, returning with a damp washcloth. He cleans me up and then wipes himself off before throwing the rag back into the bathroom.

We climb into bed together and he pulls me close; my head on his chest and his arm wrapped around me. Our hands join on his abdomen and we just lay there, cuddled together. 

“I’ll try not to get jealous again,” I whisper and kiss his skin.

“I like it when you’re jealous,” he says. I raise my head and look at him, confused. “Shows that you do care, you do love me. And it leads to some ah-mazing sex!”

We laugh and I return to laying on his chest. “I have to agree there.”

When we do finally doze off, we are closer than ever before.

There is a knock on the door between the two rooms way too early for my liking, but I can tell by the impatient rapping it is RJ, ready and raring to go. 

Dean and I get dressed before opening the door and rejoining our family. Sam gives us both knowing grins, which I later find out is because he heard us fucking and actually jacked off to the sounds.

Thankfully the kids all slept through it all. That would be a terrible way to start a vacation! 

A/N: Lil fun fact for you. The analogy Dean uses for Lisa is something my brother-in-law said once and it kinda just stuck with me. He was an idiot. R.I.P. 

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @spnbaby-67 @tftumblin @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @death-unbecomes-you @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​ @akshi8278​

[vintagedolan]

mixtape: b-sides (#2)

welcome to mixtape, the b-sides! these are little blurbs/bonus content related to mixtape, which you can read here. these little snippets are just for fun, and you don’t have to read them to follow the story! but, if you want to see all of them in one place, check them out here

track: I like me better by lauv

Author’s Note: some cute indy gray fluff from a random day in Jersey to offset all the sad recently haha. This probably happened around track 5/6!

“No fucking way.”

“You forget that I was a scrawny fucking kid.”

“I don’t care, there is no way you ever fit in this thing,” Indy argued, holding up a light blue wrestling singlet that looked like it was made for a 3 year old.

“It’s stretchy. Actually, that one might be Ethan’s, he was a little smaller than me anyways,” Grayson offered with a laugh.

“Uh huh. Okay. You were both tiny.” She pointed to the matching one in the storage bin with a raised eyebrow. 

“It was good to be smaller - made it harder for your opponent to get a hold of you.”

“I never understood wrestling. I mean, I get the basics. Grab and hold down until the ref says you won.”

“Grab… and hold down…” Grayson choked out the words like they hurt to say, trying his hardest not to laugh. Indy rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, I just mean that I don’t understand the strategy. Like the way you do it.”

“Takedowns. Those are called takedowns babe.”

She smacked his shoulder instead of smacking the smirk off his face.

“I played basketball, sue me.”

There was a mischief in Grayson’s eyes that had Indy bracing her feet. She knew something was going to happen, she just didn’t know what. 

Luckily, he took the nice route and grabbed her hand instead of her legs, pulling her into Lisa’s living room and quickly moving the coffee table out of the way, leaving an open rug that would have to do as their wrestling mat for the time being. They walked onto it and turned to face each other. 

Indy squared her shoulders and looked at his, which were much broader than hers. And more muscular. Just like everything else on his body. She swallowed.

“Why do you look like you’re about to pounce on me?” Grayson raised an eyebrow, laughing when Indy ignored him and put on her most serious face, raising her hands up. 

“Okay, be that way. I was gonna help you,” he said. “This is gonna be a squash.”

“Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“You’re about to find out. C’mon, show me what you got,” Grayson jeered. 

Indy took a deep breath, and then she was moving. 

It was quick. She tried to move her arms down to his legs, the only hope of getting him to the ground somehow, and she was met with a strong arm around her waist before she was squealing, her legs flying into the air. When she got oriented, she was upside down, staring out at the living room as Grayson’s laughter shook her whole form. 

“Good try baby.” His voice was as cocky as ever and she huffed, holding her shirt so it didn’t end up around her neck.

“I don’t know anything about wrestling but this is definitely illegal.” 

“You’re so green,” he mumbled just to hear her huff again at a term she didn’t know.

“Put me down.”

“Yes ma’am,” he laughed, maneuvering her slowly and keeping a hand on her waist as the blood rushed back from her head when she got back to her feet. Her competitiveness was shining through whether she wanted it to or not, and she crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I can still kick your ass in horse,” she muttered, frustrated.

“Giving up already? C’mon, that’s not my girl,” Gray teased, pulling her to him and wrapping her up, arms still crossed between them. He bit back his laughter and peppered kisses to her hair until she relaxed. He’d gotten used to this Indy - the one who got defensive when faced with something she didn’t know much about, which wasn’t often. It made him smile, knowing something that she didn’t, and he found it adorable that it embarrassed her slightly, got her frustrated enough to rest her head against his chest. 

“You had the right idea you know, going for the legs. Good strat.”

“Good strat,” Indy laughed, shaking her head against his hoodie as he rubbed her back.

“Lower your weight, get a good grip, then lift up and try to get me off my feet. Grab around my leg, and then one around my torso as best you can,” he instructed.

“Show me.”

He smiled at her and waved her forward, taking her hands in his. 

“Okay, lean forward.” She did, and he leaned down with her. He guided her hand to the back of his knee, and she nodded, knowing she was looking for the weak spot. “Now, reach up here,” he guided her other hand to his ribs - “and p-”

She yanked as hard as she could, pulling his leg with all the force she had. Using her shoulder for leverage seemed to work just enough to get him unbalanced and all 190 pounds of him went falling to the floor, his back smacking hard against the rug. 

“Oh shit!” Indy gasped, letting go of him and covering her mouth with her hands. It took a moment for her to register that he was laughing, his hand over his chest, eyes squeezed shut.

“Sorry!” She dropped down to her knees, hands fluttering over him for a moment. 

He laughed again. “Why are you sorry? That was good! Really good actually.”

“Did that not hurt you?”

“No, but you’re hurting my ego if you think I’m that weak.” 

“I hated that,” she admitted with a sigh. “Thank god you don’t actually wrestle anymore.”

He smirked again, and then he was a blur, arms wrapping around her and pulling her around until he had her pinned down without a hope of moving. She writhed under him and giggled; he just smiled.

“1….2….3,” he whispered dramatically, kissing her nose before he let her up. She used her freedom to grab his shirt and pull him back down to kiss him, humming when he dropped more of his weight down onto her. 

“This is so much better than wrestling Ethan,” he murmured into her lips, rolling slightly to the side to rest. Indy closed the space again, scurrying up so she was resting on his chest - her favorite place to be. 

“What’s a squash?”

“Um… a vegetable?” Grayson said. Indy rolled her eyes. 

“Vegetable!” Gizmo called from the kitchen, making them both jump before they laughed. 

“A squash in wrestling, babe” she mumbled, tucking her hand under his shirt and tracing the letters. “You said it earlier.”

“Oh, it’s when you absolutely demolish somebody. Like not even a chance of winning.”

“Green?”

He chuckled and lifted a hand to her back. N-E-W-B-I-E.

He paused and kissed her again, then went back to tracing. F-A-L-L.

“What’s that mean?”

“Guess,” he said.

She sat up and quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll make you start guessing medical terms.”

“It’s what you call the countdown at the end,” he gave in. “The 1-2-3, when your opponent’s shoulders are on the mat.”

They went on like that for a while, with Grayson tracing wrestling jargon on her skin and explaining it all to her. She half listened, more caught up in the excitement in his voice and the warmth of his skin against hers. They lulled down eventually, breathing together and looking around the room from the new perspective of the floor. 

“I love you,” Grayson said in a moment of silence, squeezing Indiana closer to him with the arm he had wrapped around her, kissing her forehead. 

“Love you more,” she hummed.

“Nope,” he countered, shaking his head. She knew it wasn’t worth the argument, so she let him believe it and pushed herself up off his chest. 

“Hey,” he pouted, trying to hold onto her.

“C’mon, you owe me a game of horse. Gotta school you on my turf,” she grinned, reaching a hand down to help him up. It took all her weight to counteract him enough to get to his feet, and she was glad he thought to catch her, helping her balance out when he stood. 

“School me huh? Do I get to see you in a jersey then?” 

“Not a chance,” she grinned, taking his hand and leading him outside.

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

J2: the ‘🌈🌈🌈 gaaaaaayyyyyyy’ edition (yes, yes, it’s previously posted stuff...so sue me 😊)-

Edit: I got suuuuper tired halfway through this, so it’ll just be a brief little collection of moments, and I’ll follow it up with a continuation! Or two. Or, you know, twenty...

**********

1. When Jensen answered on behalf of his hubby that Jared was “an A.C Slater guy” while discussing Saved by the Bell (a question about being either a Kelly Kapowski guy, a Jessie Spano guy, or a Lisa Turtle guy).

Jared: “Mario Lopez. He’s a cute man!”

2. When Jensen was asked about Pamela Anderson back in ye olden days of the baby Js (the topic was celebrity crushes) and Jared chimed in with an informative little “-Jensen’s gay.”

You don’t say! *gasps* 😉

3. When this wonderful conversation happened-

Jensen: “I was dating the captain of the cheerleading squad.”

Jared: “What was his name?”

Jensen (without missing a beat): “Shawn.”

4. When Jared was asked about the first thing he does in the morning, and all of this transpired:

Jared: “I masturbate to the Tom Cruise poster I have on my wall.”

-followed by Jensen flirting around all over the place and commenting on Jared’s gayness (and on his own).

-followed by the topic of making out...

-which then (surprise!) turned into comments about making out with each other.

Ahhhhhh the good old days of J2-woo spilling over into the public like a constantly leaking faucet. 🥰

I can’t not mention the part of this interview where Jared checked with the interviewer to make sure that she wasn’t including his flirt-fest with Jensen, and then the interviewer included it all anyway, even Jared saying “no, don’t write that.”

At least it wasn’t in English?

Still though-

**

**

5. Jared (to Jensen with zero subtle and a hundred billion flirt): “Sam would definitely be a tight end...”

Yeeeeahhh he would...😏

(bonus: Jensen trying so hard to keep a serious, disapproving expression on his face and then just giving up)

6. Jensen (about Vaseline): “You never know when you might need to get out of a tight situation.”

Jared: “-or into a tight...-“ *ahem*

Because, um...in case the obvious needs to be said...one would not normally use something like Vaseline during heterosexual sex...and since it’s VERY clear that Jared was referencing sex, well-...*ahem*...yep.

There you have it!

This is terrible, you guys. There are so many more I want to add. But it is...oh god, almost 5 AM. Goodbye. The end. *falls down*

[alwaysonthemend]

Destiel Fic Recs (An extensive rec list of almost every single Destiel fic I‘ve ever read.)

NOTE

- This is a masterlist of all of my fic recs. They include AUs, SPN universe, codas, ficlets, schoolfics, and more!

- Works marked with (*) denote my absolute favorites.  

-This rec list is all Destiel (I'm a clown 🤡, sue me.) If you don’t like it, don’t read it. 

-Yes, many of these works are NSFW, but usually said scenes can be skipped without losing important plot info.

-This list will be updated whenever I find a good fic, though probably not regularly if I'm honest. (Life happens...)

-I DO NOT own any of the work found on this list, nor do I claim it to be my own; I am simply making this so that others can enjoy these fics as well.

-Please do not hate on anyone or anything. If you don't like Destiel, then don't read the fics. If you hate the author, don't tell me because I don't care about that drama. (Walk AwaaAYyaYAaa)

1. Twist and Shout****** by @gabriel and @standbyme Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- I'm sure that there is nothing I can say that you haven't already heard. Just read it. Suffer along with the rest of us. There's fluff, smut, angst (the holy trinity.) This is truly the best fan fic ever written. Period. 20/10.

2. 300 Things by @cautionzombies. (I can't find the original source so you'll have to try and find it on your own...)  

Thoughts- What's a Supernatural rec list without 300 Things? This really is an amazing fic and it is written so well!  

3. How A Righteous Man Raises A Rose by @swordofmymouth- Live Journal.  

Thoughts- This fic really took me by surprise. It's tagged as an AU, but I think you'll find that it's not at all what you think. The author effortlessly sets a mood of loss and regret, yet still gives the light a chance to shine through. I went into this fic thinking it to be an AU, and it was at first. But I soon realized that there was much more to this fic than what at first meets the eye. I shed a few tears over this one.

4. Cleanse the Mirror* by @takadainmate -Live Journal.  

Thoughts- Man, this one hurts, but in the best way. I read this fic a long time ago but lost it and couldn't find it for a long time. I am so glad that I found it and was able to re read. Just as enjoyable (if not more so) the second time. Dean gets a better understanding of what it's like being an angel. (And Cas is written so well in this fic! He's just like he is in the show. It's incredible!)  

5. A Hole in the World by @bauble - Live Journal.

Thoughts- This one just hurts and hurts and hurts. This is one that you'll just have to read and see for yourself. No happy ending. (You've been warned.)  

6. In the Shadow of Your Wings by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a really well written fic. There were several times that I almost forgot that I was reading a fan fic because the characters and story are just so well though out. It's a bit of a long one and is set in a (sort of) canon!verse.

7. My Throat is An Open Grave* by @inkandpaperqwerty - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This was one of the first fan fics that I ever read for Supernatural. This one is just so heartwarming, but not before plenty of angst and hurt/comfort. The author seamlessly puts Sam and Dean into a heartbreaking AU and it's all about the love that Sam and Dean have for each other. (NOT Wincest.)  

8. Thursday's Child* by @strangeandcharm - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- All I can say is... Ow. Slow burn to end all slow burns, but so worth it in the end. This one is set in the End!verse (which I'm a total sucker for.) Dean and Cas are just so sad and I just want to hug them and make it all better. Imagine, Future!Dean's plan to kill Lucifer!Sam works and now he has to live with the fact that he killed his own brother, devil or not. And Cas has to come to terms with the fact that he survived the epic showdown, despite his belief that he wouldn't, and now has an addiction that he has to get under control. I love this fic and it really is a painfully slow read, but more than worth it in the end.  

9. Après by @imogenbynight - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Dean and Cas go to Paris... Need I say more? I love this fic because it addresses the crappy way that Dean always has Cas coming to him and how Dean needs to step up and realize the sacrifices Cas has made for him (shameless bias opinion... Sorry) All us Cas stans will really appreciate this one. Written well, characterization flawless... What else can you ask for?

10. Dean's Days Off* by @MittenWraith - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is just the sweetest, fluffiest fic you could ever ask for. Reading it made me want to fall in love so badly it hurt. Cas and Dean just get some well deserved rest and quiet. I am absolutely in love with this fic and I'll read it over and over again. (Especially if I've had a bad day and need some happiness)

11. Unlit, Unmarked, and Forgotten by @awed_frog -

Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a beautiful coda for 11x17. There's some Destiel if you squint. It's very sad but somehow manages a happy ending that renews your hope and brings a soft smile to your face.

12. Down Like Water by @museaway - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- I really like this fic a lot. It is very sad with a lot of Hurt!Castiel but it does actually have a happy ending. Just grit your teeth and bare through the angst and sadness to make it to the beautifully sappy ending.

13. Till Kingdom Come* by @freckles_n_feathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a season 11 AU that was written before season 11 aired (the author actually somehow predicted things that were going to happen before they aired!!) This fic gave me really high hopes for season 11 that weren't quite fulfilled. I loved season 11, don't get me wrong (it's actually one of my favorite seasons) this fic was just so perfect and I wanted it to be canon so badly. (I re wrote this review like four times because I kept saying "actually" lol)  

14. 12x19 Destiel Ficlet by @Samanstiel - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This was written before 12x19 aired, and if you were upset with how things went down then this is the fic for you. The characters are written so well and it really feels like an actual episode.

15. Contrapasso*** by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This might be the best fic ever (trumped only by Twist and Shout...) Inspired by Dantes Inferno and so beautifully written! I just... There aren't words. It's very dark, and the ending was not at all what I wanted (but after much thought, I realized that there couldn't have been a better ending.) I really got lost in this fic. I could see exactly what the author described, I could feel what the characters felt. This is true art... This is the fic we've all been looking for.

16. Put Up Your Dukes by @takadainmate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This fic is by one of my favorite authors (who has featured on this rec list before...) Hilariously dirty. Dean and Cas are bone heads who can't make up there minds. Human!Cas is also a little sh*t and I'm living for it. There's some smutty times in this one... (which can easily be skipped if you're not comfortable without losing any important points of the story. {at least I didn't feel like I missed anything})

17. Then I Defy You Stars* by @speary - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So many tears were shed while I read this. The plot is just so amazing and a plot twist to end all plot twists at the end. It's full of sacrifice and love and angst and bittersweet moments. I love this fic (and I promise you will too.)

18. All the Nights by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This takes place after 15x03 episode "Golden Time". A bit of a fix it fic, but canon compliant to a point. I really love this fic (I love anything written by NorthernSparrow). Also a case!fic, which I'm always a softie for. Some big questions that I have since season 15 are addressed in this fic, and I absolutely love the way they are answered.

19. A Winter's Tale* by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh my gosh. So much Hurt!Castiel. There isn't outright Destiel but there is heavy DeanCas relations. This is a season 9 re write and it just hurts so much. If you can make it through all the pain, the happy ending makes it all worth it. Human!Cas just deserves so much better... Ahh! It's just so sad and perfect and awesome.

20. Give All My Secrets Away by @morganoconner - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is a sweet little fic. Not particularly long, but oh so meaningful. Dean gets cursed and his soul is pushed from his body, leaving him vulnerable and scared (the author portrays the human soul in a very interesting way). Cas looks after him and it's just so fluffy.

21. Plot Holes* by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Holy crap! This fic took me a whole week to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it! Every chance I got I would pull my phone out and read. I was rudely interrupted many many times so I just decided to finish it at night and stayed up until 2AM on a school night. (oops?) It's soooo well written and feels like an actual season of Supernatural. 12/10 all the way.

22. Someone Who's Feeling For Me by @ellispark - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Here's a fic to kick you right in the feels. I actually really genuinely enjoyed reading this fic because of how well the characters are written! Dean, Sam, and Cas run into Lisa Braeden post her mind wipe in season 6 and it brings up a whole bunch of drama for our boys. (While also helping Dean realize that she was never really the person he wanted to be with 😉) A bit of light smut and a bit of angst but definitely worth a read.  

23. Chalk and Chainmail by @angelwingsandthings - Wattpad.

Thoughts : Oh this one is so good... It's very angsty at times and Dean is a lovable dork who can't win no matter what he does and Cas is just a confused little assbutt who doesn't know what to do with himself. (So he's himself if we're being perfectly honest here 😂) There's some light smut but nothing too graphic. This one is a Highschool!AU, so prepare yourself for the delightful drama that comes along with teenage hormones. (And Charlie is a total QUEEN and I'm living for it. I love her so much.)

24. Remember When * by @VioletHaze - Archive of Our Own

Thoughts: Sooo... I've been on a bit of a School!fic kick recently. (Not a little bit. Like a lot a bit thb) This one is just so god da*n perfect (scuse my French) Dean and Cas have been best friends since fifth grade; they do everything together. Then some crap happens and they get in a huge fight junior year. Years later, they finally make it back to each other. (*Cries in fangirl*) Warning, it's sad, it hurts like heck. But there's also so many perfect moments. I promise you won't regret reading it. (And once again Charlie is a total queen and I would give my life for her. She deserves so much better... {SPN writers I'm looking at you.})

25. Everytown, USA by @aileenrose - Archive Of Our Own.

Thoughts : I've seen this fic on tons of recs but never really thought much of it. But I kept seeing it so I decided to give it a read and boy was it worth it! This is just a great fic that has plenty of fluff (And angst... Because what's a Destiel fic without sadness and pain?) Cas is a lot different from his character in the show but somehow the exact same? He's Cas, but it's like he's what Cas would have been like if he had grown up human. I just love him so much in this fic (and I want to give him a hug too... 😢)

26. I Through My Window by @dehavilland - Live Journal.

Thoughts: I've seen this fic on several recs and I finally got around to reading it myself. Some ample Destiel angst to hit you right in the feels. But I love this fic because it is incredibly motivating! Post season 5 canon-divergent and Castiel is permanently rendered human. Dean is a ginormous penis head and leaves Cas to fend for himself. Cas pines after him for a while before realizing that he doesn't need Dean to live his life. Cas stans will love this one. I just gotta include a quote because it's just beautiful. "No, I don't need you. But I want you."  

27. A Light for My Path* by @domesticadventures - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Oh my goodness. This fic is just... *chefs kiss* Told from the perspective of Cas' Continental. (A.K.A "Connie") Dean and Cas are having a difficult time figuring out who they want to be after the end of the last The-End-Of-Times-We're-All-Gonna-Die, but they figure it out together. There are plenty of Impala!pov fics (and even an actual episode), but I don't think I've ever come across one from Connie's perspective. Definitely worth a read.

28. Named* by @RC_McLachlan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : Hooo boy. This fic.... This is a complete season five re write and I LOVE IT. It's pretty angsty, but it also has some funny times thrown in. Dean is a sassy girl the whole time and I love him so much. And the plot twist at the end literally blew my mind. (brains splattered on the ceiling and everything.) 12/10.

29. And Even In The Quiet Night by @KelpietheThundergod - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, this one is pretty sad. Not full on angst, but more fluffy sad. (If that makes sense...) Dean wants to celebrate Christmas but no one else seems interested. I just want to wrap Dean in a blanket and sing Hey Jude until he feels better! But don't worry, an absolute beautifully written cliche and sappy ending will make up for it.

30. Just More of the Same (*??) by @outpastthemoat - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts : There really aren't words to describe this series. It's just so fricken bleak but beautiful at the same time. I really don't know how to describe it. Read it, the only regret is that it ends. I honestly hated how it ended, so unfullfilling. But, that's life sometimes, and I think that's the whole point of the series. I don't know if I love it or hate it but there's no denying that it is absolutely beautifully written. 12/10

31. the cost of a thing**by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Hooo boy! This is a great fic! Fake marriage? Check. Slow burn? Check. Case!fic? Check. Fluff and angst? Check. This fic has it all. This fic kicked me right in the feels. My gosh, beautifully written and the characterization is FLAWLESS. But trust me, bring tissues as you watch Dean and Cas, slowly, painfully, but surely heal the trust that was shattered between them. This is an AU for season 8 in which Dean was the one who undertook the trials, not Sam. Dean is dying and there's nothing Sam and Cas can do to stop him, especially since Dean is insistent on just giving up and accepting his fate. Cas can save Dean's life, but at what cost? Surely a terrible one... Angst insues. 10/10.  

32. I'll Dig a Hole and Pull You Through by @JoCarthage - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: If yall hated the DeanCas interaction in season six (didn't we all...?) then this is the fixit!fic for you. In this fic, Dean helps Cas defeat Raphael. And boy, there's some flangst. (Also Dom!Cas is a thing 😏)

33. Stitches by @Askance - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: I wouldn't exactly call this a fixit!fic, buuut it is a sort of fixit for season 7. (Except Cas gets hurt, which I hate. {So does Dean...}) Cas survives the Laviathan taking over his vessal but is rendered blind. Sam and Dean have to take care of him. Loads of whump and hurt/comfort. Definitely shed a tear or two (or twenty.)

34. The Way Out* by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: *fangirl noises*. I hate to say this, but OMG! This fic blew my frickin mind! The time line is very confusing and the author gives you a way to read it in chronological order, but it's worth it to read the way it was published. Everything starts making sense around the third to last chapter and it is glorious (-ly sad and angsty.) But there is a happy ending and it's soooo worth it. First timetravel!fic I've ever read and it did not disappoint.

35. What is Hidden, What is Seen* by @ExpatGirl.

Thoughts : Wow! This is a pretty long fic but so worth it. The author joked several times about the fact that the fic is longer than her Masters thesis. This is a complete season 11 re write and I LOVE it. It's got some beautifully written OCs, Crowley, Rowena, and a certain someone who needs to come back canonically. (Again, looking at you Spn writers...) This is just written so well and the author was able to put in small Easter eggs the whole way through just like any real season would. Some light smut but nothing too graphic, angst (Hello, my name is angst but you can call me Destiel.) There's even some humour in here too! All in all, an absolutely beautifully written fic.

36. And This, Your Living Kiss*** by @opal_bullets - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts: Okay, first off, insert fangirl screams here! I LOVED this fic. (And not just because I'm a clown {which I totally am} but for some personal reasons I'll elaborate on in a sec...) This is an amazingly written, thought-provoking, and heartwarming fic to read. I loved it especially as it featured poet!Dean which I don't find a lot of. Now, I particularly liked this fic because it really hit home for me. The author described exactly how I feel when it comes to poetry. They described how poets often write best in times of sadness and misery and how we often stop writing because we are destroying ourselves in our own heads and can find nothing to write about when we finally allow ourselves to be happy. The author puts it perfectly in this fic. Not only did the fic make me rethink some of the opinions that I've had on poetry writing for years, but it also inspired me to pick up my pen again after not writing for almost a year and a half. So, thank you to the author for getting me back into writing poetry. (I can't thank you enough! ❤️) Please read this fic yall!  

37. What We Remember by @Tiro - Fanfic.net

Thoughts : (Not Destiel btw) Oh my Chuck. This is soooo sad. Some nice emotionallyscarred!Dean for ya. It starts out so unassuming too! Totally blindsided me with the angst. But also some brotherly love between Sam and Dean. Definitely worth a read. (P. S, I'm writing this from the floor of my room while I sob in fangirl.)

38. More or Less by @schmerzerling - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Oh my goodness this is such a great fic. Lots of emotional angst and trauma (Just the way I like it.) This fic is so amazing and I loved every minute of it. There are so few stutter!Dean fics out there. This fic is unfinished and hasn't been updated since 2016 but I think it is still worth a read. The point at which the fic is left off has no immediate cliff hangers so I think that the fic can still be appreciated as is. Definitely worth a read.

39. Every Part of the Animal (*?) by @Askance and @Komodobits - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - I hate this fic. I hate how dam* near perfectly written it is. I hate it for the hours I spent crying. I hate it for the hope it gave me before ripping it away like it was a game. This fic was recommended to me on a group chat. I was warned. I was warned that it was a terrifying, horrific, and heartbreaking fic. What did I do?? I read it anyway. (Shocker, I know...) This fic is genuinely terrifying. It's horrific and I have to say, READ THE THE TAGS. Beautifully written, as to be expected by the authors. (Both of whom have featured on this list before.) This is a case fic gone horribly, horrifically, disgustingly wrong. 10/10 would recommend, but be warned: there is NOT a happy ending.

40. Hautley's Bend **** by @ColdInTheStudio - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay! So, first of, if you aren't into long fics this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. A whopping 42 chapters, all masterfully written without a flaw or typo in sight. I LOVE this fic with all my heart. I mean, I'm an absolute clown when it comes to Highschool!AUs, but this fic is just... *chef's kiss. * This is the Highschool!fic you have all been wanting. It's got angst, it's got fluff, emotional trauma, not to mention some fan favourite characters. (Gabriel, Charlie, and Kevin to name just a few.) But you should check out the tags before reading as there's some heavy stuff dealt with in this fic: Dean is not a very nice person at the beginning of this fic. There's also underage drinking and detailed substance abuse. Self harm is also pretty prominent in this fic as well as some A+ John Winchester parenting. But the pain is so, so worth it. Bring tissues!

41. Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @MandalaRose - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - The fluff is too much! I mean, we got firefighter!Dean saving Cas' life! (For Chuck's sake...What more could you ask for?) Also some single father Cas caring for a baby Clair, so some cute daddy!Cas for your troubles. So sweet and heartwarming and a very happy ending. 10/10.

42. Season Z*** by @Castielslostwings, @CR Noble, @cutelittlekitty, @EllenOfOz, @fangirlingtodeath513, @heylittleangel, @jscribbles, @MalMuses, and @son_of_a_bitch_spn_family - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts - So you might notice that there are LOTS of authors listed above and they all came together to create something beautiful. They started publishing chapters right after the season 14 finale and published a chapter every week until the season 15 premier. This is, essentially, a complete season 15 re write. It is masterfully done! Team Free Will vs. a zombie apocalypse. Also, lots and lots of old faces all brought together to save the world one last time. There's some heartbreak, some love, some smut, some fluff. (Also some Samwena to make everything even better.) 22 long chapters, each feeling like an actual episode, made this fic seem like an actual season. (And I wish the writers would steal from this fic's finale and make some... stuff... finally canon.) Truly a timeless Destiel masterpiece.

43. Something about Pinneaples by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This is an EXTREMELY adorable little DeanCas ficlet. No angst, no Big Sad ™, just sweet sweet, tooth rotting Destiel fluff.

44. Last Night on Earth by @the_communist_unicorn - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Sooo, I'm sure we all remember that disastrous night out, when the first big ol Apocalypse was gearing up, and Dean found out that Cas was an eons-old virgin... And I'm sure we all remember the disaster that was Cas and a prostitute. Anyways, here's what might have happened if Dean had taken a bit more of a... hands on approach. 😏 The chapters are all episodes that took place after the season five episode "Free To Be You And Me" and how they would have unfolded had Destiel become canon. I will warn you, their is smut (easily skippable) and there is DEFINITELY some angst. The whole thing is capped off with a bittersweet alternate ending to season five finale "Swan Song." I can't say much else without spoiling the ending, but all in all it is a very good fic to read.

45. Painted Angels *** by @WinJennster - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- HOLY FRAHOLY. I love this fic. A beautiful take on the classic trope of "We Had Something Good But I Ruined It, Now I'm Gonna Show Up Twelve Years Later And Try To Fix It... Also You're Engaged To Someone Else. Oops?" But seriously, all joking aside, this is an awesome fic. Painter!Dean x Writer!Cas, a match made in Heaven. (Hehe, get it? Heaven? Sorry I'll leave.) HOWEVER, do please be mindful of the tags. There is mentions of suicide and a couple paragraphs describing a rather grizzly accident to one of the main characters. Also, some lovely A+ John Winchester Parenting ™ and several instances of homophobic language. Still, this is an amazingly written fic and I can't stress how much I enjoyed it.  

46. Forgotten *** by @NorthernSparrow - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- So, first off, I have to talk about the author for a little bit. I have read every single fic by Northern Sparrow and EVERY SINGLE ONE is a friggin masterpiece. The amount of research and backstory that goes into these fics is truly awe-inspiring. Northern Sparrow leaves no plot holes, no mistakes, no typos, nada. Now, the actual fic in question is no exception. While not particularly a Destiel fic, it can be taken as pre slash. There is a sequel, a Destiel version and a non Destiel version, called Flight that I am currently reading as well. (The Destiel version of course 🤡) There is some serious whump and angst here, both physical and emotional. This fic is a canon divergent from around mid season 9, in which there is no Mark of Cain and is a continual re write of the season. Cas goes through a lot in this fic (my poor baby) and Dean and Sam go through some gnarly stuff as well. This is such a good fic, I really can't stress enough. I wish I was half as talented as Northern Sparrow is when it comes to writing stories. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed. 12/10

47. All is safely gathered in by @randomdestielfangirl - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is a cute little coda for season 12 episode 6, “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.” It’s mostly Mary-centric and her understanding of the Dean/Cas relationship. I’ve always had a soft spot for season 12 codas where Mary sees that Dean and Sam have grown up. (Especially those that have DeanCas in them.)

48. Bring Up the Deep by @deathbanjo - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is a pretty cool case!fic with eventual Destiel fluff at the end. The story line is a little heavy and dark, but nothing more than canon-typical violence. This involves Sam, Dean, and a human Cas traveling to the beach to investigate a “sea monster.” Fair warning, there are moments describing Cas’ depression and struggle with figuring out who he is and who he wants to be, but again, not as bad as season 9... (STILL not forgiving the writers for that fiasco.)

49. Hazy Shade of Winter by @GeekPrincess - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here is yet another case!fic. This one has Team Free Will and Mary teaming up to solve a case in rural Wyoming in the middle of winter. It takes place not too long after Mary’s resurrection and Sam being freed from the British Men of Letters. At first it seems to be just a normal case, but per Winchester fashion, someone ends up getting attacked. Definitely worth a read.  

50. A Little Old Fashioned by @theheartchoice - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Another coda, sorry... (I’ve been going through a faze) This one takes place in the aftermath of 14x13 episode “Lebanon.” I was disappointed that Cas didn’t play that big of a role in the 300th episode. I thought for sure he would considering he WASN’T EVEN IN THE 200TH EPISODE. *Clears throat* Umm, ya. Just some Destiel fluff of Cas taking care of Dean’s wounds the old fashioned way after John’s departure.  

51. Same Deep Water by @braezenkitty - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Team Free Will heads to California to investigate a string of mysterious deaths in a supposedly haunted hotel called the Brookdale Lodge, nestled in the redwoods of Santa Cruz. I particularly enjoyed this fic because it has a definite early SPN vibe. Very creepy and eerie and reminded me a lot of No Exit (2x06) and Playthings (2x11). Also a bit of flirty!Cas and jealous!Dean.  

52. Looking for a Sign* by @emwebb17 - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- THIS FIC... is sooo adorable. Holy Chuck. Dean meets Cas on his bus ride to work and tries to talk with him. Not realizing that Cas is deaf, Dean just assumes he’s being ignored and goes out of his way to get Cas to interact with him. After weeks of no response he finally realizes that Cas can’t hear him and so Dean offers that they start over with their acquaintanceship. Dean meets all of Cas’ friends and they quickly grow closer and closer. They would be perfect for each other except Cas refuses to date hearing people. (Also, bonus points for the pun in the title.)

53. Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake by @Sparseparsley - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I’ve seen this fic on so many rec lists and I’m so mad that it took me this long to finally read it. Bartender!Dean meets Cas at a bachelor party and they hit it off right away. Then, when Cas’ car breaks down, Dean offers to drive him around to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Dean has a massive crush, but thanks to Dean’s remarkable ability to jump to conclusions, he thinks that Cas is the one getting married in 2 weeks. Read it just for the sake of watching two idiots dance around each other for weeks on end. They aren’t fooling anyone but themselves.  

54. My Marble Guardian by @LadyDrace - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Bring tissues cuz this one hurts like a season 12 finale. (Heh. I’m hilarious.) Dean is killing himself trying to support little Sam after their parents die. Dean is close to ending it all and takes to talking to the marble angel statue that sits by his mother’s grave. I can’t say much else without spoiling the ending so you’ll have to read it yourself to find out how it ends.  

55. The Law of Equivalent Exchange** by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Holy crap! This fic is truly amazing. @awed-frog is one of my favourite authors of all time. (And has featured on this rec list before.) This fic follows Castiel caring for his ward, a man who will one day be called Dean Winchester. Follow Cas through Rome, Greece, Paris, Russia, Germany, and more as he guides the impossibly bright soul that Heaven claims will one day save them all. In other words, Cas is sent to earth to watch over Dan, son of Enoch and continues to do so until January 24th, 1979, the day Dean Winchester is finally born. The fic then becomes canon-compliant all the way until season 11, then stems into a canon-divergent for defeating Amara. All from Cas’ POV, we see how he went from being Castiel, Angel of Tears and Thursdays to Cas, Angel of Dean Winchester. 12/10.  

56. A Way Back Home* by @thatpeculiarone - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Another AU with deaf!Cas. Dean is a lonely bakery owner whose past is full of heartbreak and loss. He meets Clair Novak, a mute girl who has no one to talk to, after Jody suggests that they meet. Neither are too keen on the idea at first, but they soon discover a perfect remedy for their predicament. Dean loves to tell stories and Clair loves to hear them. Dean has a story for every pastry in his bakery, and Clair soon realizes that all of Dean’s stories seem to revolve around one person. After finally discovering why Dean always looks sad when no one is looking, hates Valentines Day with a passion, and only ever talks about his best friend in the past tense, Clair is determined to help Dean get the happily-ever-after that he never got to have.  

57. Such Familiar Magic by @saltnhalo - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This fic was inspired by the artwork of very talented @lizleeships here on Tumblr. This is the first witch AU I’ve ever read and it did not disappoint. Cas is a reclusive witch with unimaginable power and Dean is one of the most powerful familiars in North America. Both of our boys have some dark secrets and ghosts from their pasts threaten to separate the two for good.

58. I'm fine by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Can I just say, WOW. This one is yet another small ficlet to go along with @lizleeships artwork. This fic, despite its short length, is so potent and amazing! The writer effortlessly blends the canon SPN with the world of Destiel and I am LIVING for it. The somber and quiet nature of this fic makes it an excellent read for a late at night fanfic session.

59. The Shadows on his Shoulders by @lizleenimbus (Yes, I know. Two in a row... I don't care.)- Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Okay, first off, @lizleenimbus has become one of my favourite fic writers EVER. This fic is canon compliant (sort of) for season 6, just when Dean is beginning to figure out that something is wrong with Sam. (In the soul department, that is.. .) This here is a wingfic to end all wingfics. I love the writing, the characterization, the plot, everything, just... *chefs kiss.*

60. The Care and Feeding of Castiel by @MalMuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Soooo, another wingfic!! (No, I don't have a problem. YOU have a problem...) I am a total sucker for wing!grooming DeanCas fics. I just, gosh! I love them so much! I love this fic more every time, no matter how many times I've read it before.  

61. Asunder by @rageprufrock - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Now, listen here lil clowns. Everyone loves a good "I need a plus one for my brother's wedding" trope and this here fic is the perfect one. And if you don't love it, this is absolutely NOT the fic for you. Sam is getting married and Dean doesn't want to go to it alone, so he enlists the company of his best friend Cas to go with him. Shenanigans and misunderstandings ensue, topped off with a healthy serving of meddling family members. A great rainy afternoon read.

62. Good Call by @sysrae - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - First, please be mindful of the tags as Dean meets Cas by talking him off of a ledge. However, despite the horrible start, this series is still incredibly fluffy and sappy. It also has Therapist!Benny being exasperated by Dean and Cas' utter stupidity around each other. This is a very heartwarming fic that balances the angst with fluff perfectly.

63. 'Tis but a Crush by @Annie D - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - Here is an awesome little meet cute modern AU fic! Cas notices that a man with startling green eyes stares at him whenever they are together. Cas is interested immediately but the green eyed man seems too shy to approach Cas. Fluff and awkward moments soon follow.

64. Where There's Smoke, Theres Fire** by @OsirisApollo - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - So, first of, I am absolutely in LOVE with Firefighter!Dean. Cas is an ER doctor who meets Dean after the fire alarm in his apartment building goes off. Cas manages to make a fool of himself but is comforted by the fact that he'll never see the attractive firefighter again. Boy, was Cas wrong. The two men seem to run into each other practically everywhere, and no matter how hard Cas tries, he always seems to embarrass himself with every meeting. This fic was responsible for making me squeal aggressively at 2 AM. 10/10 Destiel fluff.

65. Forget - Me - Not -Blues*** by @noangelsinthegarrison - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a fic that I go back and read over and over again. It’s got a perfect balance of fluff and angst, misunderstandings, and a healthy dose of clueless, meddling family and friends. Bottom line is, Sam is getting married and Dean is going to be the best man. He’s thrilled, until he finds out that Castiel Novak is Jess’ honorary Maid of Honour. Dean and Cas had a... something or other back in high school. Dean would ask to be friends again but Cas is intent on pretending that they never knew each other in the first place. Misunderstandings, awkward moments, and an obscene amount of embarrassment ensues, no thanks at all to the “tradition” surrounding the Maid of Honour and the Best Man. 10/10.  

66. Ignore the Butterflies: Best Friend Advice from Dean Winchester by @impatient14 - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, this one has practically every romcom trope out there... AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. (*Clears throat) Ya, soooo. Doctor Cas and Firefighter Dean are friends. Best friends actually. Totally platonic bros. A bromance for the ages. The broist bros to ever bro. That’s it. No homosexual feelings to be found here. None at all... Or so Dean tries to convince himself.  

67. Prosopagnosia by @misseditallagain - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Man, this fic is really adorable and quite heartbreaking at times. Cas has a cognitive disorder that means he can’t ever remember faces. He’s given up on finding love until he meets one Dean Winchester, but he’s afraid to tell his hot date the truth about his condition. Assumptions are made and misunderstandings threaten to tear the two apart for good, but maybe there’s a chance for these two after all.  

68. Midnight Blues AKA To Hell and Back (Courtesy of Sig Sauer) by @outofminutes - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- As we all know, I am a glutton for damaged!Dean being cared for by Cas. Dean is a war veteran. He’s been discharged for five years but he hasn’t dared to go back home until now. He’s not the same person he was all those years ago and the constant haunting of horrors past threaten to tear him apart. Thankfully, he’s got a loving family and a new friend (Hehe. Guess who. Sorry, I’ll leave) to help him pick up the pieces.  

69. Scars by @lemonsorbae - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, first off: WOOOO 69! NOICE! OKay, I’m done... So, this fic stands out to me for the writers unique take on some popular tropes. Dean is a tattoo artist with green hair (Insert Priestly from Ten Inch Hero here.) and Cas is the stereotypical hipster. They don’t get along very well at the beginning of this fic. (Which is a HUGE understatement btw). Then, a drunken party leads to certain... unsavory actions, and both swear that it will never happen again. And that’s a total lie. Lots of smutty times in this one so be warned, also references to past trauma for both of our favourite boys so please mind the tags before reading.  

70. The One Thing You Can’t Lose by @MajorEnglishEsquire - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is just a cuddly, tooth-rottingly fluffy little ficlet for some happy DeanCas feels. Warning: Do not read in public place for there WILL be squeals.  

71. The Ugly Sweater Verse by @nerdylittledude - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I know, I know. Everyone who’s ever read Destiel fanfiction has heard of the Ugly Sweater Verse. I don’t care! I’m reccing it anyway. A newly human Castiel wants to experience every holiday to its fullest, dragging Dean and Sam (But mostly Dean) along with him. This is an AU for after season 5 in which Sam is alive, Cas is human, and Dean finally gets his head out of his ass. (With a little... okay a lot of help from the rest of Team Free Will.) This is an awesome feel-good Verse that is always nice to read after a bad day. There is a prequel to this Verse that is stand-alone, but you don’t have to read it to get the rest of the Verse. (Also, if you’re only looking for fluffy times then I wouldn’t recommend reading the prequel. You have been warned.)

72. Cats and Tats by @Jemariel - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This here is the quintessential Coffee Shop AU that no one asked for (Well.. I asked for it. I’m lonely dammit)  Cas owns a coffee shop that is right next door to a tattoo shop owned by our own Dean Winchester. Dean doesn’t like the pastel coffee shop because it totally ruins his badassery vibe, and Cas doesn’t need another distraction like Dean, and poor Sam never gets a moments peace.  

73. Moving On by @BruisedCastiel - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Castiel is a witch who reads fortunes for a living. One day he gets a customer named Dean whose reading has a shocking outcome. Not too much later, Dean’s ghost comes looking for Castiel seeking answers. This fic starts out pretty sad and things look hopeless for Dean and Cas but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending.  

74. Into the Fire** by @NorthernSparrow- Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I’ve mentioned on this list before that NorthernSparrow is my favourite fic writer of all time. And their work has been featured several times on this list before. Now, be warned. This fic gets VERY dark VERY quickly. Dean, shortly after the Mark of Cain is removed, is cursed and he kills Cas. The trauma of the Mark, the guilt he feels for killing Cas, and the looming threat of the Darkness sends Dean into a mental breakdown. Sam, mourning the loss of Cas himself, is left to try and put together what is left of Dean’s sanity AND to come up with a plan to defeat the Darkness. Sam and Dean, with the help of several allies, come together to save the universe once and for all. This is a full AU starting sometime in early season 11 and finishes all the way through the end of the season. There is a lot of sadness and guilt in this fic, so please be careful going into it. Bring tissues. I cried gratuitously throughout this fic. But don’t worry because THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING. Bonus points for TrueForm!Cas. 15/10.  

75. There’d Be No Distance by @imogenbynight - Archive Of  Our Own.  

Thoughts- Just a short, feel-good, fluffy Christmas fic for ya. Cas is lonely on New Years because he assumes that he won’t be welcome to the family get-together. But don’t worry! Dean sets the record straight with his angel. (Well...Not straight but... you know what I mean.)  

76. Imperfect Proposals by @Fallen_Angel_Meg - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay, so, Cas is a total jerk at the beginning of this fic. He’s demanding, arrogant, cruel, and just rude to practically everyone who works at his firm. Dean is his new assistant and needs this job if he’s ever going to make it as an architect, but Castiel isn’t making it easy for him. Things get more complicated when Cas is threatened with being deported so he says that Dean is his fiance. Dean isn’t on board until Cas threatens to fire him if he doesn’t play along. Now they just  have to make it through Sam and Jess’ wedding. Easy... Right?  (There IS a happy ending it just takes these two idiots a while to get there.)

77. The Novak Hickey Mystery by @FagurFiskur - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is just a short ficlet involving Professor Novak’s mysterious relationship and some VERY nosy students. Nice and quick happy-go-lucky fic with no angst and plenty of tooth rotting fluff.  

78. Come Back* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is yet another short, canon-verse ficlet for you guys. (I know these last couple fics have been pretty short but I have been reading so many long fics recently that I’ve needed a bit of a mental break from the stress of a slow burn lol) Anyways, this is one of my favourite authors. Literally, every single thing by this author is a freaking gold mine of Destiel goodness. This particular ficlet chronicles Dean and Cas sharing an intimate conversation after a particularly nasty hunt. I love these types of fics in which Dean and Cas actually Use There Words™ and talk like Grown Ups™. (Never happens canonically so I’ll take what I can get. Looking at you SPN writers.) ALSO, this has artwork also by  @lizleeships! I swear, this individual is too frickin talented. 10/10!

79. And then there were Six* by @lizleenimbus - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I know, I know. Two in a row by the same author... This author rocks okay! (Seriously, go check them out) This right here is a wing fic my friends. But not the type we are used to. It involves a bashful Cas, flustered Dean (And I know we ALL love a flustered Dean), and a very amused little brother. I love this ficlet especially as it is a beautiful take on the fact that Seraphim are supposed to have six wings.  

80. Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day by @awed_frog - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Here’s another fic from a “rec list favourite” author of mine. This is a pretty cool case fic with an awesome monster of the week. (Japanese folklore at its finest.) A creature manifests itself as a person’s true love. Sam sees Jess, Cas sees Dean, Dean sees Cas (And has a freakout along the way.)  

81. Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) by @sobsicles - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Hoooo Boy! Talk about an angst fest. Set sometime in early season 15, Dean and Cas get their memories wiped and Dean is convinced that they are serial killers on the run from some tall guy named Sam. Things get awkward when they get their memories back, as they also remember what the two of them did when they were on the run together. Dean talks out of his ass, Cas gets angry (rightfully so), Sam and Eileen just want a moments peace, and LOTS of bad blood gets let out out into the open for the first time in years. This fic was hard to read because, true to Winchester fashion, Dean and Cas’ communication during this fic is TERRIBLE. Just when you think the two of them are about to hash things out, one of them goes and says something stupid and they have to start all over again. I definitely recommend this fic, but be prepared to brave some hardcore angst before Dean and Cas get their happy ending.  

82. Lost in Words, Hand in Hand* by @hallowgirl - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is the fluffiest fluffy fic to ever fluff! (Try saying that 10 times fast.) Dean tells Cas that he never got read to as a child, so Cas takes it upon himself to read to Dean. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but the two enjoy the time together more than they thought they would. Plus, there’s so many books to read, and laying in the same bed is just practical. That’s it. Just guys being dudes. And if Dean happens to fall asleep on Cas’ shoulder? Well, that’s not his fault at all. (Also, bonus points for Sam being the typical smug little bro who lets Dean know that he and Cas aren’t as subtle as they think they are.) 

83. La Hantise** by @quiettewandering - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Okay so, I have been waiting to read this fic for FOREVER. I read the first couple chapters a long time ago (back when it was still a WIP) and I immediately fell in love. I decided, rather painfully, to stop reading and save it to my Marked For Later until it was finished. I have a hard time when it comes to WIPs because I forget what I read during the previous update and I often times lose interest until I can read it all in one go. I couldn’t wait to read it and I was not disappointed! This fic is BEAUTIFULLY written and the story seems to come to life before your eyes. This is the Destiel we all fell in love with; Two damaged and broken beings finding peace within each other. Warning: these two are complete idiots and there’s a lot of pining and some pretty hefty angst. Castiel’s backstory is truly, completely and utterly, tragic. Dean’s isn’t a picnic either I suppose, but it’s Cas past that comes back to haunt Dean and Cas in this fic. The author seamlessly interweaves the reality with the make believe and it sucks the reader into the story effortlessly. 14/10. A Destiel classic.  

84. Cheers, Angel Eyes by @wannaliveindeansdimples - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- As I’m sure you all know by now, I am in love with bartender! and barista!Dean. This fic has a healthy dose of bartender!Dean for you. In this fic, Castiel, known to Dean only as Angel Eyes, is a regular at the bar that Dean owns. The two hit it off during the few conversations that they have and decide to give themselves a chance. Very minimal angst and only just a small bit of pining from Dean’s POV. A very good, quick, none painful read.  

85. best friends without benefits by @lizbobjones - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This fic is set between the end of season 11 and the beginning of season 12 and is canon divergent for the most part. This one is pretty funny and enjoyable to read, if only for the sake of poor Sam and Mary dealing with two complete idiots. Dean lets slip to Cas that he finds Cas driving Baby “hot” and Cas admits that he has known of Dean’s attraction for years. Cas proposes he and Dean enter a Friends With Benefits relationship and Dean just can’t say no. But Dean just digs himself deeper and deeper into trouble after he mistakes Cas’ preposition as a rejection of deeper feelings. Misunderstandings happen, Dean is a big baby, Cas is clueless, and Sam is stuck in the middle.  

87. Shifter by @@LadyLini - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- There are tons and tons of fics out there where Dean and Cas are the bumbling idiots of the story (Yes, just like in the show) and Sam is the one who has everything figured out. But this fic looks at the idea of Sam being the one out of the loop and Dean and Cas being the ones who actually know what the heck is going on. This is a cool AU in which Sam went to Stanford, John Winchester is still an ass hole, and Destiel is canon. This was a cool take on how the events of the show would have taken place if Sam wasn’t there and Cas had been the one to save Dean from Azazel.  

89. diamond star halo by @jad - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a wonderfully light-hearted little fic in which Cas possesses Dean while his vessel recovers from the attack dog spell. We also get some great brotherly banter, Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple, and other Team Free Will shenanigans. Also, poor Sam.  

90. like moses and batman and james dean by @saltyfeathers - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Oooohh boy. This fic is quite the can of worms for me. Here, the author gives us a more detailed account of Dean’s past of turning tricks in order to raise little Sammy, and how this past is affecting his current relationship with our Wayward Angel. This is a heavier fic and please be mindful of the tags (Yes, John Winchester’s A+ parenting is one of them...) But it DOES have a happy ending.  

91. any port in the storm by @mishcollin - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- If you are looking for a case!fic with Dean and Cas pretending to be dating on a couple’s cruise then you have come to the right place. I love this fic specifically for the care and detail of the case. Even more, there are lots and lots of OCs in this fic and every single one of them has their own personality and backstory. Be warned: there are lots of arguments between the elder Winchester and newly human Castiel. (Most of them because Dean is a big ol idiot in this fic and keeps the possible location of Cas’ fallen grace from him because of his Winchester Fear Of Abandonment ™)

92. Sunset Plaza by @LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Dang! This is a great fic. Cas is practically married to his work and never goes on vacations, so his loving brother Gabriel decides to book him a weekend at a resort. Cas ends up having to share his room with one Dean Winchester the first night due to a problem with the server at the hotel. But they manage to make the best of it (if ya know what I mean...) Everything is great until its time to go home. They could make it work, but our lovable idiots can’t let anything be that easy. (Extra points for a little dash of Sabriel and meddling Gabriel.)

93. Longing by @whelvenwings - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a really fluffy fic set in canonverse. Dean and Cas finally have a discussion that has been long in the making, ending years of mutual pining. The tone of this fic is very sweet and is a great, feel-good, nighttime read. Give me Destiel and Impala confessions and I’m one happy clown.  

94. Hallelujah! Noel! Be it Heaven or Hell by @EnochianThings - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- EnochianThings is one of my favourite fic writers of all time! I can’t believe its taken me this long to rec this fic. This is an angsty holiday fic in which Cas confesses his feelings first and Dean is a total assbutt about it. Dean is at a loss after he realizes that he might of just driven away the one thing that could have made him the happiest: Cas. (Oh, don’t get me started on a rejected Cas... My heart can’t bear his sultry seraphim sadness.)

95. I’ll Cross the Sky for You by @superhoney - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I am going to start this off by saying that I wasn’t really into this fic at first. I had found it through tags alone and it sat in my Marked for Later for months. I liked the tags, but I wasn’t sure about the premise of the fic. I could NOT have been more wrong. This fic was absolutely adorable. Barista!Dean meets Captain!Castiel... but in space! (With space ships and everything!) Anyways, very adorable, very cute. Definitely worth checking out.  

96. Nepeta Cataria* by @thepopeisdope - Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I would literally give anything for there to be more Witch!Cas x Familiar!Dean fics out there. This is one of my favourite AUs and I feel like it is so lacking compared to many of the others. In this fic, Cas is a lonesome witch who plants catnip to prevent mosquitoes from being in his garden. Little did he know that it would also attract Dean, a powerful familiar, who just so happens to be the love of Cas’ life. (Familiar!Dean is almost always a dog in the fics I find so it was great to get to see him as a cat. Honestly, Cat Familar!Dean might be my favourite.)

97.Texas State of Mind** by @palominopup – Archive of Our Own. 

Thoughts- This is an awesome fic with country singer Castiel Novak meeting Dean Winchester, a man who was once an award-winning country music star. Dean has a complicated past, as he didn’t leave the industry on a good note (Compliments of John Winchester’s A+ Parenting™) He’s sworn off ever singing again and is content to look after his horses for the rest of his life... That is, until Cas Novak wants to sing a duet. This is an awesome fic with lots of familiar SPN faces. It takes Dean and Cas a little while to come around for each other, but once they do, they’re a fluffy force to be reckoned with.

98. In Real Life by @cloudyjenn – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This is a hilarious little meetcute in which Dean has been communicating with this guy online... They’ve never done anything but exchange messages and texts, never even seen each other’s faces, but Dean is pretty sure he’s in love with him. Sam decides that such a relationship is completely pointless if the two will never meet so he introduces his brother to Castiel. Dean thinks he’s hot and would totally go out with him, but he just can’t bring himself to like someone other than his online mystery man. But Cas is fine with Dean not being interested, mostly because there’s this guy he met online who, even though they’ve never met... Aaaand ya. You all can guess where this is going hahaha. But it gets even better when Sam realizes that Dean and Cas are each other’s mystery online crushes and decides to have a little fun with it. 

99. Rentboy by @Naoe – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Dean Winchester’s life hasn’t been pretty, but he’s happy with it because at least he got Sammy the life and opportunities he wanted. Dean’s life takes an interesting turn when he meets Castiel at a benefit. Dean, ashamed of his job, comes up with a new name and a new life story for this strange man. Somehow, the two form an unlikely bond, Dean supporting Castiel as his wife is dying. But the lie Dean told is still there and he has no idea how to fix it. And once Castiel’s wife is gone, the lie is the only thing keeping them from truly being together. Castiel isn’t in love with Dean Winchester... at least, not the real one. Needless to say, life isn’t easy for a Rent boy in the 80s. 

100. Silver and Cold by @superhoney – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- Silver and Cold is an amazing AU in which Castiel is a wayward hunter afraid of settling down and a dark past that haunts him everywhere he goes. While on a case investigating a possible werewolf attack, Cas runs into Dean Winchester, a recluse who lives up in the woods of Sydnam, Maine. He’s got a bad temper and a past to rival Cas’. If it weren't for the alarming amount of evidence pointing towards Dean being the werewolf, Cas thinks Dean might just be more kind than he lets people believe. 

101. Any Little Heartbreak* by @followthattardis – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This was a fic that I started reading a long time ago, but somehow lost and couldn’t find it again. But I finally found it and the joy I felt was unparalleled. (My little clown heart could barely take it) Dean is a heart surgeon. He’s frickin good at it to... Maybe even one of the best in the US. He knows everything there is to know about the human heart. (“Anatomically speaking”) He’s just transferred to a new hospital and the head nurse is totally hot. And Dean also happens to make a fool of himself in front of said nurse on his very first day at the hospital. From there, it seems that despite his best efforts, Cas doesn’t like Dean at all. (And EVERYONE likes Dean so, what the hell?) Dean thinks his crush will go away if he can just get all that tension out of his system... Boy was he wrong. I LOVE this fic and I am so glad I was able to find it again. I especially liked how all the hospital staff were all familiar faces. 😊 

102. What happened between me and Cas* by @AthenaErrata – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- This right here?? Broke me. BROKE ME I TELL YOU. (*Clears throat) This is a coda set just after 11x19 episode The Chitters, in which Dean finally tells Sam everything. The secret kisses, stolen touches. The betrayals, the lies, the guilt. Everything. All the things involving Cas that Dean promised himself he would never tell another soul. Dean retells events from seasons 4 to 11 and gives a bit more info into just why he and Cas can never truly be happy together. The fic continues into a canon-compliant tale all the way until a beautiful happy reunion set in 13x06 episode Tombstone. 

103. True Faces* by @Tibbins – Archive of Our Own.  

Thoughts- I'm pretty sure that this author has featured on this rec list a couple times before. Tibbins is one of my favourite SPN writers of all time. This is a trilogy verse in which Dean, Sam, and Cas tell some truths that should have been shared a LONG time ago. In the first one, titled “Behind the Mask”, Dean convinces Sam to open up about some things that has been bothering him and Sam finally sheds some light on what it was like being tortured by Lucifer. The second, titled “In the Mind”, follows Dean as he opens up to Sam following the conversation from the first fic. He tells Sam more of what happened in Hell and why he will never really be able to wipe the blood off his hands. The last fic (Which is pre slash Destiel) titled “Under the Skin”, Cas gets to discuss with Dean the things that haunt the angel’s mind. The last one is especially painful... Though the two finally admit their feelings for one another, Dean explains to Cas why he just isn’t ready yet. It’s sad, but it has a hopeful ending.

104. In My Time of Vinyl by @freclesarechocolate - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- First off, damn! This fic is one to pull at your heartstrings. I am a a shameless lover of hurt!Dean and this fic delivers beautifully. Cas, driven to seek shelter from the rain, enters the record shop owned by Dean. Dean is sweet and offers shelter for the night and Cas ends up promising to come back to buy some records. The two create a fast friendship but Cas ends up noticing some things that are a little off with Dean. He’s always smiling, but sometimes the smiles can’t cover up the sadness in his eyes. He doesn’t talk about his family or his past, and he never seems to have a lot of food in his fridge. This is a story of coming to terms with mental health, friendship, love, trust, and letting others help you. I absolutely recommend this fic! Quick warning, however, Dean has a very troubled life and his story is no picnic ride. Be sure to check out the tags before reading.

105. Hunter’s Caress*** by @Ltleflrt - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is probably in my top five most favourite Destiel fics of all time. I have read this fic all the way through at least twice now. The story follows Castiel Jameson, a Pinkerton Detective, who is on a quest to revenge his murdered brother. He seeks the help of the outlaw Dean Winchester, a dangerous man who supposedly has enough blood on his hands to fill an ocean. Cas saves Dean and his brother Sam from being hung in exchange for their assistance in tracking the rat bastard who killed his brother. The two start out as enemies, then to begrudging allies, friend, and maybe even something more. Cas tries to keep his mind on business, but he aches to learn the feeling of a Hunter’s Caress. 20/10. Be warned though, this fic gets pretty gritty. The world of hunters and outlaws is messy and dangerous. This fic deals with death, injury, rape, and worse. Be careful before heading in but I assure you, this fic will not disappoint.

106. Love Bites* by @malmuses - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- MalMuses is one of the best fic writers out there. A true legend in the SPN fandom! This fic is one of my favourite as it features Creature!Dean x Human!Castiel. In this fic, Cas takes in a bat that his cat got a hold of. Cas knows that there’s something special about this bat. He seems to understand human speech and loves hamburgers. But even stranger, his eyes are the exact same green as the cute mechanic who comes into the coffee shop sometimes.

!107-117. All of these are just codas set for post 15x18 and for post finale/finale rewrites. They are pretty much very similar. Dean breaks down and Sam is left to pick up the pieces. Most, if not all, have happy/hopeful endings.

107. Everything is Blue  by @malmuses - AO3

108. Tag to “Despair” by @Alvinola- AO3

109. Time by @Chipper99- AO3

110. When It All Crashes Down by @spacegirlstuff - AO3

111. Through the clouds by @judithhandronicus - AO3

112. Because it is by @60r3d0m - AO3

113. the burden of belonging by @Newtondale - AO3

114. Counting the days by @WanderUntilLost - AO3

115. The Weight of Silence by @jscribbles - AO3

116. As It Should Be by @Loser_Angel_666 - AO3

117. When you have a home by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

118. What’s Left Unsaid (Is Finally Said) by @A_Place_To_Roam - Archive of Our Own. 

119. When you have a future by @Firebog - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- This is a lovely fic in which Sam succeeds in closing Hell and Castiel is able to board up Heaven. Everyone lives happily-ever-after. No looming Apocalypse, no higher power, no fate. Found family is the only thing that remains. But Dean is left with this strange feeling rolling around in his gut. Like he’s waiting for the next disaster to happen. Meanwhile Sam learns about dog poetry from Castiel, Team Free Will gets pet rabbits (named after porn stars), Dean finally gets his head out of his ass, and Sam learns something shocking about his older brother.

120. Remarkable by @shiphitsthefan - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Castiel’s the new elementary school teacher in town. One of his classmates, one Ben Braeden, has a father who is just as annoying as was promised. Dean’s “helpful” books and readings he brings Castiel about being more socially aware get easily dismissed as overly-involved-parent-crap. But that all changes after Castiel reads Ben Braeden’s essay assignment.

121. (Dis) Affection by @justkeeponwriting - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts - This fic!!!!! This fic is soo frickin adorable. Dean and Cas’ nosy friends set them up on a blind date. Neither of them is very happy so they devise an epic plan of revenge. Act like the most disgustingly in love couple ever and then have a terrible public breakup. Hopefully their friends will feel so guilty that they never try to set the two up again. The plan goes amazingly. Dean and Cas find it easy to fake being a newly in love couple... Almost too easily.

122. Uniform of a Winchester******** by @monsterfuckerdean - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Its fics like these that I think set the SPN fandom apart from others. The thought put into these works makes them so real, so painstakingly relatable, make the characters come to life both on screen and in words. This is a heartbreaking character study of Dean Winchester. The author gives the reader a glimpse into the backstory behind Dean’s jewelry. The skull bracelet given to him by Missouri, the ring given to him by a childhood friend named Lee Webb, and more. This fic will break your heart. And if you’re like me, you won’t be able to find another fic that comes anywhere close to it. (If you do, please give it to me.) I’ve read this fic many times over. I take this fic as canon, completely and utterly. Dean Winchester is written so perfectly that the writers of the show are frickin jealous.

123. In Someone Else’s Life by @blue_morning - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- A classic Destiel wedding trope! Cas, along with his obnoxious-but-lovable brother Gabriel, accidentally crash a stranger’s wedding. Cas meets Jessica, the lucky bride, along with Sam, the best man. But its the groom with beautiful green eyes that Castiel can’t take his eyes off of. Assumptions are made, embarrassment ensues, and maybe... just maybe, happily ever afters do really happen.

124. Nobody’s Fault But Mine by @peanutbutterjelly-pie - Archive of Our Own.

Thoughts- Oh! the fluff! Its killing me. Cas meets Dean and Sam Winchester. Both ridiculously attractive and both total sweethearts. But Castiel finds himself falling for Sam, the older brother with the beautiful green eyes. Too bad he’s getting married to Jessica in a few weeks... Tee hee hee. It’s glorious.

[fulltimeallthetime]

BOOKS!

So I’ve recently found my love of books.  It started with audio books...and then reading while on the treadmill (giant ipad, big print).

I had to start tracking my reads because I would start a book and think I had read it before, but couldn’t be quite certain.

I’m into serial  killer, thriller books.  Definitely appreciate a strong female lead.

Here’s my list for the past two years!

2020

This is How I Lied by Heather Gudenkauf

The Look Alike by Erica Spindler

Sister Dear by Hannah Mary McKinnon

Eight Perfect Murders, Peter Swanson

The First Mistake, Sandie Jones

The Perfect Wife, JP Delaney

One Night Gone, Tara Laskowski

Buried by Ellison Cooper

The Wife Stalker by Liv Constantine

Cut to the Bone by Ellison Cooper

The Turn of the Key- Ruth Ware

The Twin by Natasha Preston

The Third Wife by Lisa Jewell

The One by John Marrs

The Guest list by Lucy Foley

The end of Her- Shari Lapena

The Half Sister by Sandie Jones

Pretty Thing by Janelle Brown

Caged by Ellison Cooper

Have you Seen me? by Kate White

The Undertaker's Daughter- Sara Blaedel

Dear Girls- Ali Wong

Under the Table- Stephanie Evanovich

Watch me Disappear- Janelle Brown

Pretty Baby by Mary Kubica

A woman is No Man- Etaf Rum

Emma in the Night- Wendy walker

Never let you go- CHevy Stevens

Every Last lie- Mary Kubica

A Good Girls Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

Caught- Harlan Coben

I see you- Clare mackintosh

The Girl Before- Rena Olsen

Yes please- Amy poehler

what she knew by gilly macmillan

what rose forgot - Nevada Barr

My Lovely Wife- Samantha Downing

How to be a Bawse- Lilly Singh

The Boy from the Woods- Harlan Coben

The Last Time I lied- Riley Sager

No Exit- Taylor Adams

Calm the Fuck Down- Sarah Knight

Girl, Stop Apologizing- Rachel Hollis

The Other Mrs- Mary Kubica

You Are Not Alone- Greer Hendricks

The Wives- Tarryn Fisher

When you See me- Linsa Gardner

The Kept Woman- Karin Slaughter

Criminal- Karin Slaughter

Lock Every Door- Riley Sager

Blindsighted- Karin Slaughter

Beyond Reach- Karin Slaughter

Snatched- Karin Slaughter

Little Fires Everywhere- Celest Ng

Trace of Evil- Alice Blanchard

Faithless- Karin Slaughter

A Faint Cold Fear- Karin Slaughter

Broke- Karin Slaughter

Indelible- Karin Slaughter

Behind her Eyes- Sarah Pinborough

Undone- Karin Slaughter

Outfox- Sandra Brown

Accused- Lisa Scottoline

Leaving Time- Jodi Picoult

Triptych- Karin Slaughter

The Ex- Alafair Burke

Someone we Know- Shari Lapena

Other Woman- Sandie Jones

The Better Sister- Alafair Burke

2019

The Last House Guest- Megan Miranda

Sleeping Beauties- Stephen King

RUnaway- Karlan Coben

Someone Knows- Lisa Scottoline

Girls LIke Us- Cristina Alger

One of us is lying- Karen McManus

Don't let go- harlan coben

Mean Streak- Sandra Brown

Fierce Kingtom- Gin PHillips

I Have no secrets- Penny Joelson

It's always the husband- michele campbell

Right behind you- Lisa Gardner

2nd Chance- James Patterson

The WOman in the Window- AJ Finn

NOS4A2- Joe HIll

The House Next Door- James Patterson

One Perfect Lie- Lisa Scottoline

The banker's wife- Cirstina Alger

The Whisper Man- Alex NOrth

Crash & Burn- LIsa Gardner

Without Merit- Colleen Hoover

Dark Sacred Night- Michael Connelly

1st to die- james patterson

Unsolved- James Patterson

Survivors Club- LIsa Gardner

The Grown up- Gillian Flynn

Touch & Go- Lisa Gardner

Pieces of Her- Karin Slaughter

A is for Alibi- Sue Grafton

Pieces of her_ Karin Slaughter

November 9- Colleen Hoover

Redemption- David Baldacci

The Perfect Mother- Aimee Molloy

THen She was gone- lisa jewell

The 4th Man- Lisa Gardner

If I live- Terri Blackstock

Never Tell- Lisa Gardner

If I run- Terri Blackstock

Why not me- Mindy Kaling

The Silent Sister- Diane Chamberlain

My Husband's Wife- Jane Corry

Murder Games- James Patterson

GIrl Wash Your Face- Rachel Hollis

Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes- Karin Slaughter

Say Goodbye- Lisa Garner

The Woman in Cabin 10- Ruth Ware

GOne- Lisa Gardner

The Lying Game- Ruth Ware

SOmething in the Water- Catherine Steadman

One Dormant- Blake Pierce

THe Late show- Michael Connelly

The Silent Wife- ASA Harrison

The Killing Hour- Lisa Gardner

THe Fallen- David Baldacci

The Next Accident- Lisa Gardner

The Fix- David Baldacci

The perfect Husband- Lisa Gardner

The Last Mile- David Baldacci

The Anonymous Girl- Greer Hendricks

All the Missing Girls- MEgan Miranda

Memory Man- David Baldacci

The Chemist- STephenie Meyer

Last Breath, Karin Slaughter

Look for me- Lisa Gardner

An Unwanted Guest- Shari Lapena

Pretty girls- Karin Slaughter

Breakdown- BA Paris

FInd her- LIsa Gardner

Fear Nothing- Lisa Gardner

Luckiest GIrl Alive- Jessica Knoll

Catch me- lisa Gardner

Bring me back- BA Paris

The 7th Month- lisa Gardner

The girl before- JP Delaney

A Stranger in the house- Shari lapena

After anna- Lisa Scottoline

Love you more- LIsa Gardner

Live to Tell- Lisa Gardner

The NEighbor- Lisa Gardner

Hide- Lisa Gardner

Once Trapped- Blake PIerce

Alone- Lisa Gardner

Final Girls- Riley Sager

nOnce Bound- Blake pierce

Once buried- Blake pierce

the couple next door- shari lapena

once lost- blake pierce

behind closed doors- ba paris

the last mrs parrish- liv constantine

once stalked- blake pierce

[coeursetcolores]

What I Would Add/Change About: Dead or Alive 6

Hello internet! As you probably know, I love video games and I would talk about my feelings for the ones I’ve played for hours. Unfortunately, I don’t pay too much attention to the various gameplay and added content mechanics, so I don’t feel as though I’m qualified to give full-on reviews; my focus is usually on the story and characters, but I am learning to keep a more open eye. So, I’ve decided to start this series! On the anniversary of a game I’ve played’s release, I will talk about what I think a game could have included to improve certain elements or what I think they should have just changed all together about something in it. I will make sure to include what I liked about it as well to keep these from getting too negative. 

This is all just my own personal opinion and if you disagree with me, that’s perfectly okay! If you’d like to talk about a point I made, please let me know, but please try to respect my opinion as I respect yours.

Fair warning, I won’t talk about online stuff. I’m not an online gamer, that’s just not me.

Well, with out further ado, let’s get started!

Today is March 1st. Two years ago in 2019, Dead or Alive 6 was released. Bet you guys didn’t know I was fan, did you?

Yes. Yes I am. And there is one thing I love more than that entire series all together.

Kasumi.

I love that woman.

I have yet to see any other woman that I would even consider loving as much as her.

Amazing main, best girl, gripping protagonist, top-tier waifu.

But back to the subject!

Almost seven years since Dead or Alive 5 was released and left it’s audience wanting more, today we ask: Did it live up to seven years of expectations?

For me...

YES! 

...Mostly.

I had a real fun time playing when I could (I didn’t have constant access to the console I played it on, don’t ask) but even with how polished the series has gotten, there were a few things that left a sour taste in my mouth. 

Let’s go over them, shall we?

SPOILERS AHEAD!

To keep a positive spin on this criticism, I’m going to talk first about all the things I absolutely LOVED about the game:

IT’S. STUNNING. The graphics look amazing, and the slow-motion and visible injuries along with DOA5′s sweat and dirt gives the fights such a weight, it’s brutally gorgeous and I love that video games have reached that level of detail. 

Voice acting is good, and I’d have to give best performance to Karen Strassman’s Helena just for her after fight in Kokoro’s story mode because. My gosh. The way she begs Kokoro not to leave her is just heartbreaking, and to do all that while doing an accent is just amazing.

Funniest part of the game was definitely when Zack told Tina she couldn’t be governor. I love how he just shot her down in a whole series of her dad failing to drag her away from her wild dreams through fighting, Zack accomplishes it just by reminding her how the law works.

Kasumi is safe! ...Apart from all the evil clones sent after her. But Ayane is finally leaving her alone!

Helena in the ending. My gosh, the way she just shuts NiCO down and calls her out on failing to move on healthily is a good message about properly dealing with grief and really shows how much she’s grown in the series from the vengeance seeker she started as.

I genuinely liked the addition of Marie Rose. She had a cool design and her character was really charming. The team could easily have made her super annoying, but she was pretty solid, and I appreciate that.

Kokoro’s dress with the beret. It’s just too cute!

I still love kicking opponents off the stage.

Still glad the series hasn’t decided to sink into hyperrealism.

COLORS! ...Those are dying in video games. :( 

The story for the most part is interesting and every character gets to shine in their own special way.

Diego was really cool, I always love the addition of an untrained street fighter keeping up with these professional martial artists, it really goes to show that in a fight anything can happen.

I really loved watching Tina and Bass become a tag team, aww! Tina does love her daddy!

The costumes, as always, are awesome.

Vibrant backgrounds, as expected.

The fact that it happened! I was worried I’d never see my sweet Kasumi again!

Alright! Now that we got all the things I unquestionably loved about the game down, here are some things I feel the game was missing.

ADD:

MORE KASUMI! If she’s your heroine, give her more screen time! (What do you mean I’m biased?!)

Have some more time with Kasumi, Ayane and Hayate, show just how conflicted they are by their tragic circumstances when they have to work together when they all know that they will never be able to go back home together. That ending scene was bittersweet, but I feel like they could have done more.

Bring Bayman into the alliance? I mean, he does want revenge on Phase 4. I get that he kinda works with them, I just think they could use him more.

Have Kasumi have a fight with the main Phase 4? I think it’d be interesting to have this clone weapon, who hates that she hurts people, face off against the original who’s now accepted the brutality of the world and will show no mercy to those who stand in her way. I feel like it’d give Kasumi some introspection and see just how much she’s changed; in a way, Phase 4 is a lot like how Kasumi started: she didn’t want to hurt anyone and make enemies, but she couldn’t do anything about it. The difference is Kasumi became the way she is because of her own choice and beliefs while Phase 4 literally can’t stop herself.

Have Lisa explain herself, geez! What is up with this woman?! What are her goals exactly?! Wait...how is she still alive?! Woman straight up had a building fall on her! Why are we just letting her walk away?! LISA!! GET BACK HERE!! WHAT’S YOUR DEAL WOMAN?!!!

So...I guess we still don’t get to beat the crap out of Donovan? Sigh...guess they’re saving that for 7. Hopefully.

And that’s all I think they could have added. And now, here’s everything I think they should have thought about twice.

CHANGE:

Really? You’re just going to bring Raidou back for the final boss? Really?  Why not use prime Phase 4, that would have been interesting, a final boss who doesn’t WANT to be the final boss? Come on DOA, you’re better than this! You had seven years to make a final boss! If you couldn’t think of one, just go DOA2 and pull something random out! There’s even another tengu you could have used! Who even remembered Raidou at that point?!

LESS. HONOKA. My gosh, she’s annoying! I’m sorry, I’m sure she has fans, but she just irritated me! Not only was she shoehorned into the plot, but she’s also a total Mary Sue! And that voice, AAAAGGGGHHHH! This is not a knock on Kira Buckland, she’s cool and great at her job, but AAAGGGHHHH! With so many three-dimensional and interesting characters, she just falls flat (metaphorically, of course).

Was Nyotengu actually necessary? I get that the tournament itself is just a distraction now, but she honestly bored me.

Why does Helena’s mother need to come back to life? Seriously, what did M.I.S.T. see in reviving one of the mistresses/mothers of their rival? Is this supposed to like torture Helena or something? This was just unnecessary, there was no reason for this. Sorry Maria.

Oh, so Rig’s mind controlled now? Would have been great if they had foreshadowed that in 5. You know, so it wouldn’t have come out of nowhere and helped explain his whole 180 when he was introduced!

Does Jann Lee really need another rival? Just focus on Lei Fang, she’s awesome!

Bit more meta, but did Rig and Christie really need new voice actors? The new ones are fine, but it just seemed unnecessary.

I’m really mixed about how story mode is laid out in modern DOA. On the one hand, putting everyone’s stories in one playthrough really makes it hard to really get attached to one, which I think is a very important aspect of fighting games. On the other, doing it in this style really helps keep the general plot coherent and easier to follow. I think a good way to handle this would be to make different story modes; a campaign to follow the whole vs. Donovan storyline and a different one that has each character’s individual story outside of the main plot.

Alternatively, divide the story between the tournament and the fight against Donovan; ‘cause I don’t think the Mugen Tenshin clan and their allies are going to be in any tournaments anytime soon.

BRING BACK UNLOCKABLE OUTFITS! Outfits may be understandable for DLC, but it’s just so much easier to unlock them all! I’m not made of money!

Even with all these negatives, I still had a great time playing! It was great to see the cast I loved so much (with one in particular) come back and beat the crap out of each other and I can’t wait for the next one!

...In five years.

[jovialyouthmusic]

Special Delivery

Fabio and I sample an English delicacy, and I make him an offer he might refuse...

Word Count 2500

No warnings, just a little fluffiness. If you want on or off the taglist let me know x

5 A Proposition

The next day I spent being kind to myself, and went to the other house to do some gardening. Spending time weeding and tidying up helped me ground myself and clear my mind. I practised my Tai Chi on the lawn that Martin had cut the day before. The sky was overcast but it was warm and still. I only went into the house to have a bite to eat at lunchtime, when my phone dinged with an incoming message.

Okay to talk? Sue’s out for a while. Did your new friend get handsy? I rolled my eyes at Martin’s text, and called him.

‘Hi Martin, my virtue is intact. He did hug me though – I lost it big time in Mum’s bedroom, blubbed like a baby.’

‘Did he try and cop a feel? Is he there right now giving you a foot massage?’ Martin asked, his tone making it plain he meant more than he said.

‘Of course not. I’m alone - all he did was comfort me, and any touching was entirely appropriate. You’re so suspicious of Fabio.’

‘I’m helping you keep your feet on the ground.’ He asserted ‘How long is he going to be about?’ I sighed.

‘I know he’s going back to Argentina at some point, but I’m prepared. It’s just a bit of fun.’

‘Not yet it isn’t. Or did he try it on later? Did you wake up alone or did he invite himself into your bed?’

‘Of course not – I drove him back to his place so he could go to work.’

‘There’s a ‘but’ hovering there, Lisa. Come on, spill the beans.’

‘He – he kind of kissed me.’ I heard Martin tutting but I went on before he could interrupt. ‘On the cheek, but he said he’d like – well he’d said he’d act like a brother, but before he got out of the car he said he’d like to be more than that.’

‘Well he’s a fast mover.’ Martin grunted. ‘Keep your legs crossed and your knickers on next time you see him. I take it you are seeing him again?’

‘We’ve not made plans, but he does want to take me out for a meal.’

‘Hmm, well that’s surprisingly chaste, but remember if a guy takes you out to eat he usually expects something in return.’ He paused for a moment ‘Sue’s back – you keep in touch, I’m going to be checking up on you regularly. I don’t want you with a sack over your head in the back of a van and whisked off to some shady brothel in South America.’

‘Make your mind up, last time you said he was a serial killer, not a pimp. You have an overactive imagination.’

‘Someone has to - gotta go – bye!’ I shook my head as I tucked my phone into my pocket. I decided to go home and do some last minute packing before the removal men arrived the next day. Halfway through the afternoon my phone dinged again. This time it was Fabio messaging me.

How are you today?

Good, thanks. Big move tomorrow

I know. Need help?

I sat down on the couch by the window and called him, feeling a little thrill as I heard his voice.

‘Hi Fabricio, thanks for texting. Are you working tonight?’ I thought he might be, but perhaps he would be free, and we could go out to eat. It was worth a try.

‘Yes, but only until eleven o’clock. Do you want company?’

‘I’ll probably be asleep then.’ I said, disappointed. He sighed and I could feel the same emotion in his voice. ‘I’ll call you if I can’t sleep.’ I said rashly. Why had I said that? I asked myself. The truth was, I wanted to see him again, and I missed him – his smile, his imperfect English, his accent, his little jokes. Martin’s warnings just went straight over my head. Something told me I could trust Fabio.

‘Yes’. he said. ‘any time.’

‘But not when you’re working.’

‘No, then I fall off my bike.’ he laughed

‘I don’t want you to end up in hospital.’ There was a short silence. ‘What time do you start work?’

‘At five’ I threw my head back and looked at the ceiling. It was half past three already. The next day I would be busy, and he would probably have a long shift as the weekend kicked off and folk ordered Pizza before going out clubbing, or afterwards when they staggered home drunk. I took my courage in my hands.

‘Do you have time for a cup of tea?’

‘Yes, I come.’ He rang off suddenly and I stared at the phone until the screen shut down. I jumped violently as there was a knock at the window just behind me and I turned to see him grinning at me and waving, a paper bag in his hand. I got up, cursing silently as I was still in the clothes I wore when I was decorating or cleaning. The thought that he had been planning to visit anyway came to me.

‘How did you get here so fast?’ I demanded as I opened the door. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek as he stepped inside.

‘I was close.’ he explained ‘I went for a walk, and found the baker’s shop.’ He waved the bag at me. ‘I have something called Eccles cakes. The woman there told me they are very English.’

‘Oh yummy, I like Eccles cakes.’

‘I hope they are scrumptious.’ he smiled. ‘We have them with tea?’

‘Oh yes, Eccles cakes need something to wash them down with, they’re quite sweet.’ I went to the kitchen to boil the kettle and he followed, leaving the bag on the dining table. He leaned on the door frame as I got the cups out.

‘You are well today?’ he asked. ‘Happy – no crying?’

‘No crying, and I decided to stay in my mothers house. Perhaps I can take a lodger, or perhaps I’ll meet the right man and have children. I’ll make more happy memories there.’

‘That’s good.’ he smiled as I got plates out for the Eccles cakes. He disappeared for a moment and came back with the paper bag, opening it up and peering inside inquisitively at the round pastries.

‘Okay, so this isn’t cake as such – it’s pastry, but inside are currants.’ I explained, and tapped away on my smartphone to look up the translation ‘grosellas – lots of them.’

‘Oh. They are big and very sweet. Lots of energy for me – and for you.’ I felt my face go a little hot thinking of how we might expend energy together, and busied myself with putting them out on the plates. I decided we should sit at the table to eat, as the pastry was delicate and would drop lots of crumbs.

‘Eccles is a place further south in Lancashire – near Manchester.’ I explained ‘In the past, they could only be made in that town, but now anyone can make them and call them Eccles cakes.’

‘You have been to Eccles?’ he asked as he picked it up and looked at it.

‘No, but I went to University in Manchester.’ He took a bite through the thin pastry and into the currant filling, and chewed it thoughtfully. ‘Nice.’ he said through his mouthful, and took a gulp of tea. A plan was formulating in my mind, and it made my stomach churn – or was it the Eccles cake?

‘How was work? Were you very busy?’

‘Not so much. It gets busy tomorrow and the day after. You know, the weekend.’ I nodded.

‘Do you have any days off?’

‘Yes’ he grinned ‘Sunday and Monday. Would you…’ he hesitated ‘Would you like to spend some time with me? Perhaps we go walking again?’ I was glad I was sitting down, as I could feel something inside me melting, and I couldn’t help smiling back at him.

‘Yes Fabricio, I’d like that. I’ll call you when I’ve finished moving house – if not tomorrow, the day after.’ He narrowed his eyes at me.

‘I call you tomorrow.’ he asserted. ‘We just talk.’ I felt my cheeks redden again, and took a bite of my Eccles cake. We ate quietly for a while, just enjoying each others’ company, and my idea carried on forming in my mind – one that started to make me feel dizzy.

‘How are your digs?’ I asked. He made a face.

‘Okay I guess. Big enough. But sometimes the other people are noisy when I sleep’

‘What’s the rent like?’ I asked ‘Pizza delivery can’t pay much’ He finished eating his mouthful.

‘Okay, I tell you.’ He said, gesturing in mid air. ‘I came to model in Spain. A company I hadn’t heard of, but I needed the work. They got into trouble and they can’t pay me yet. So I decided to find somewhere different to stay – you know, the pin in the map. When they pay me, I can look for more work.’

‘Oh. So are you making much right now?’

‘Not really, but it’s okay.’ he shrugged. ‘I miss home, but there are lots of summer shoots coming in Europe. I need enough for the air fare and a little more.’

‘Summer? I asked.

‘You know, the companies bring out their summer clothes, but they have to shoot in winter. I wear summer shirts and shorts, but it’s cold.’ I drew a deep breath.

‘The house I’m moving into – it’s bigger.’ I started. He looked at me expectantly, ‘Although I’ll eventually be renting out this place, I was thinking of taking in a lodger to make a little money until then.’ I paused, taking a deep breath. ‘Would you – Fabio, would you like to stay with me?’ His face lit up.

‘Stay with a real English woman in an English house? With you?’ he said ‘Of course – but are you sure? You don’t want to have the place to yourself? I have to go to work still.’

‘Oh, well either I can run you into town or you can get a bus or a taxi, but if the flat’s better for that…’

‘No, no, I like to stay with you. I will pay you.’

‘That would be okay – but not so much as you’re paying now, to make it worthwhile for you, or if you like you can just help pay the bills.’ In my mind I could hear Martin’s voice as he told me it was all a mistake and I’d regret it. But I pushed it to the back of my mind.

‘Lisa, you make me happy. I want to learn about what it is to be English. We will have fun together, yes?’  His face glowed with happiness and my stomach churned, and not because of the pastry and currants.

‘I guess so, but after next week I’ll be running my classes. But yes, we’ll do some fun things.’ Inside I was going hot and cold wondering what I had just done – but I wanted to take a chance and do something exciting for a change. I had always been cautious and taken few risks in life. Perhaps now that my parents had passed on I felt a little more free to do things I wanted to, I told myself. He sat down again, grinning widely.

‘I wait until you say I can come. The flat – Mario always has people who need somewhere to stay. He will be fine with me moving out. I had to pay extra to have it to myself. I need my beauty sleep.’ He winked at his joke.  

‘So that’s the secret of your success?’ I quipped. ‘Perhaps I should get more sleep, and I’ll soon be walking down the Paris catwalks’ He smiled.

‘Is not easy, you know. I have to be careful. If I want to work, no more chips, no more Eccles cakes.’

‘Well I can’t do that. I guess I’ll never be on the cover of a fashion magazine.’ I sighed in mock sorrow.

‘I go to the gym tomorrow, work hard.’ he said.

‘Hmm.’ I pondered ‘I have a lot of gardening that needs to be done, perhaps that would be a good workout too.’

‘It will be my pleasure.’ he bowed his head. ‘Perhaps I also run to work.’

‘Maybe, no need to pay for expensive gym machines,’ He looked at me expectantly, and suddenly I wondered what ideas he had about staying with me, and I knew Martin would have a field day telling me I was treading on dangerous ground.

-------

As I had promised, I was indeed in bed at eleven that night, but I lay awake wondering if I had made the right choice. It had all happened so fast, and had I known nothing about my new housemate, maybe I wouldn’t be in the same situation. But I knew him from his Instagram profile, and it seemed a safe bet that someone with a public persona like his was legit. My gut told me he was exactly how he presented himself, and posed no threat to me. I wondered what my mother or my father would have said had they known, but I came up with a blank. They were of their age, and foreigners were looked on with suspicion. I tried balancing that out with them wanting me to be happy, but I couldn’t work it all out.

I jumped as I heard an unfamiliar noise at the window. It came again – a sharp little tap. Ginger, sitting at the foot of the bed, sat up and hissed, his fur standing on end. I wrapped my dressing gown around me and went to the window to look out, as the sound came again. I discovered that the cause was someone throwing stones up from the street below, and I saw Fabio’s face lifted up to the window. I threw it open and leaned out carefully.

‘Fabio, what are you doing?’ I hissed, not wanting to alert the neighbours.

‘I come to see you.’ he called in a low voice. ‘This is the last time I can do this. You move tomorrow.’ I saw him grin lopsidedly. ‘It is romantic, no?’

‘Fabio.’ I scolded, ‘you said like a brother’ He shrugged, and I realised he’d been drinking.

‘I’m sorry senora,’ he whispered, ‘I think of you too much,’

‘Go home, Fabio. Sleep it off’

‘But senora...’ he pleaded.

‘When was the last time anyone said no to you?’ He looked taken aback. ‘Really, I’m not letting you in. You’ve been drinking and I only met you a few days ago’ He swayed a little.

‘Okay, I go’ he said in defeat. I sighed in exasperation.

‘You’ll thank me tomorrow. Just ring me when you get back, don’t drink any more.’ I watched him turn and walk away before I closed the window and got back into bed, Ginger looking at me oddly as I settled down. Iwondered what he thought of it all before I drifted off to sleep.

[ariannnawinchester]

A Hell of a ride

Characters: Reader, Dean, Bobby, Sam, Lisa & Ben.

Pairings: Dean x Reader & Dean x Lisa.

Warnings: Angst, language and some fighting.

Summary: Part 1 of a new series. Set in Season 6, Sam and the Reader have been living questionable lives after they crawled out of hell. Dean gets dragged right back into the life with his new family. The stakes get way to high, can they win? Will Dean’s love for the Reader fix everything?

A/N: Yes, I know I have been gone for way too long and I am deeply sorry. However, I am back, with stories that with tantalise your mind and leave you wanting more. Hahah. Thank you for reading. Constructive criticism and feedback is highly appreciated as always.

“Y/N.”

Your name tumbled out of his mouth in stunned whisper. He was frozen for almost three heartbeats, just standing there with his haw slack as he blinked slowly. He was in shock and you couldn't blame him. You could see the gears, whirring behind his eyes, the information seeping in. The realisation finally crashing into him like a tsunami.

He whipped around, the deadly accusatory glare directed at Bobby, who could look everywhere except at Dean.

“You know they were alive this whole time?” he spat, “this whole goddamn time?” his jaw clenched shut and his temple throbbing from the fury brewing in the pit of his stomach.

Bobby cleared his throat and rose from his chair to walk towards Dean. He lifted his hand to lay it onto Dean’s shoulder. But Dean, he just dodged Bobby’s touch. The betrayal evident on his face, “Of course you knew Bobby. You just failed to inform me. How long?” His voice growing louder as he demanded answers, “How goddamn long have they been back?”

The guilt was bubbling it’s way to the surface of your skin but all you did was stay standing next to Sam, with your arms folded across your chest and watched Dean pace up and down the study and lose his mind.

“A year.”

Dean cast his eyes to you and Sam, his lips curled into an angry scowl as he smudged away on lone tear that fell down his cheek, “You’re kidding right?” he shook his head, refusing to believe what he was hearing. He resumed his pacing just for the sake of movement.

A brief looked passed between you and Sam before you stalked up to Dean and grabbed him by his collar, forcing him to stop moving so he could finally look at you for more than two seconds.

“Don’t you dare blame this on Bobby.” you growled, “he did what he thought was best for you.” you stabbed a finger into his solid chest, the frown of his face ebbing away and the softness returning to his eyes at your words but that didn't stop you, “You finally had a life. A good life that you deserve, so sue us for wanting to keep you out. Now, do yourself a goddamn favor and stay out.” You release his collar from your grip and shove him back.

Before your own tears threatened to fall, you stormed out, slamming the door behind you as your tried to block out their raised voices. Once again, blaming each other for the shit show that was the last couple of months.

The nippy air bit at your exposed skin as you sat at the work bench in the scrap yard, twirling your bronze knife between your fingers and watching the metal reflect the light. There’s no handbook to help when you come back to life, it ain’t no walk in the park either. When you woke up, you were all alone in the cemetery, the rain falling in sheets but you could feel anything. There’s this massive void inside your ribs that you cant seemed to fill. You tried, god knows you tried to feel even the slightest bit normal again but nothing worked. Not alcohol, not sex, not even the thrill that came from the hunt but blood..

One thing hadn't changed though, you felt it in your bones. One specific detail was sewn into your very being. That Dean was still the love of your life. You didn't have the courage to tell him that the first thing you did when you rose from the ground was to try and find your way back to him. You had walked miles to him, covered in dirt and grime, your sheer determination fuelling you. But you couldn't will yourself to walk up to the door, you just stood at the opposite side of the street and watched them being a family through the slits in the curtains as the sun began to set. He deserved her and the boy, he looked happy and he deserved to be. Regardless of the gnawing jealousy the crawled into the pit of your stomach, you walked away. You had to, because you knew it was for the best.

“I knew I’d find you here.” his voice jolting you to the present, his smile throwing you off balance as he sat down in front of you. His fingers settled on the carving in the wood, tracing the pattern of a heart and your initials with his.

A scowled found it’s way across your lips, “Where else could I be? Not like I could go to Hell twice in a row. Or is that just jinxing it?” you added with a sarcastic smile.

Dean was stunned, like you had just slapped him across the face and wreaked baby all in one go. His eyes glossed over as he sucked in a breath, using the moment of silence to figure out the right words to say.

“I could think about what I want to say for days but nothing would be enough. Nothing will amount to the sacrifice you made.” his voice cracked, “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I went to her because Sam made me promise, you made me promise. If I had known you were alive, Jesus, I would have dropped everything, anything for you and Sammy. For my brother and my girl.” He was shaking as he spoke, his lip trembling as his tears fell freely.

Like a spring, you shot to your feet, “Whoa!” the shock evident in your voice, “It doesn't work like that okay? We can’t just pick up were we left off.” your chest was heaving, ‘I died, okay? I died. Like dead as a fucking door knob dead. I’m not the same girl anymore. The girl you knew and loved died in that cemetery. And, she’ll never come back.”

Dean just stared at you, like a wounded puppy with his green eyes big and teary. He looked like he was barely holding himself together, the anguish busting his seams. But what could you do? Nothing. You had to let him be and let him go.

You sighed, tucking your stray strands of hair behind your ears, “If you’re thinking of leaving Lisa for blood covered machetes and a dead girl, you’re making a big mistake. A fucking colossal mistake. You have something with her, so don't throw it away. She obviously loves you and was there in ways I could never have been. So, just go live your life. You can repay me for my sacrifice by doing that.”

You pocketed your dagger, sparing one last look at Dean, you walked back towards the house.

You were on your knees, ruffling through the kitchen drawer in search of a bottle opener when you felt a hand graze your shoulder.

“Y/N right?” Lisa questioned, a thin smile on her bare lips.

As you straightened up, you dusted your dark jeans at the knees before you reached out to shake her hand.

“The one and only.” you answered, trying your hardest to be polite, “It’s nice to finally meet you and to put a name to a face.” you lied, walking to the fridge just for the sake of something to do, “Beer?” you offered, “Canned beer because the bottle opener is lost to the world.”

Barely any reaction crossed her features, she just nodded and leaned against the table whilst opened and handed her the beer.

The air was thick, the silence suffocating you. Something felt off about the whole situation but your just couldn't figure out what. Your blood began racing in your veins, burning hot like it was laced with acid and all you wanted to do was run. But you didn't. You stayed put and rose your gaze to face her.

“Sorry about not introducing myself properly earlier. I’m not exactly big on reunions or a people’s person.” you scoffed and leaned against the counter. You opened your beer, the satisfying ‘tshhh’ sound filling your ears before you took a huge gulp and spoke again, “I’m also sorry that your boy got dragged into this. But I’m sure you knew. That everything and everyone in this life is messy and every single thing comes with terms and conditions or a consequence.”

She let out a gust of air, her lips pulled in a tight line as she set the untouched beer down and shook the condensation of her fingers.

“Oh you mean like you? Your noble sacrifice? You left him and he was so broken. I had to try and put him back together and still he used to talk about you.” utter heartbreak lacing her voice, causing your eyes to dart to her face, “Only in his sleep. He’d never speak about what happened when he was awake. He didn't wanna speak to me.” she shrugged, her shoulders sagging.

“Lisa, you don't have to wor-” you began to say before she interrupted.

“I pieced two and two together. Now, it finally makes sense to me. Of why he chose you, why he’ll always choose you. I want to hate you, I want to hate you so bad, for his heart belonging to you. But I can’t. You died to save the world. You’re great, more than I’ll ever be.” she choked back a sob, “He might have physically been there with me but you were the only thing mattered to him. You and Sam. I love him. And it hurts so much because he’ll never love me back. He will never love me back.” She clutched onto the table for support, the grief and agony washing over her as her tears began to fall.

You were awful in situations like this. You never knew what to say or what to do.

“Lisa.” you started, trying to bring some comfort, “he cares about you and your son deeply.” you smiled gently, pointing towards the kitchen window to show her Dean and Ben sitting on the hood of a scrap car, just talking.

“No!” she yelled, the shrill of her voice startling you as she shoved you back hard enough to make you land on your ass, “You don't understand. It hurts. It hurts so much.” she was trembling, her eyes bloodshot and her tears running black down her face as she walked towards you, “You don't know how much it hurts to give someone the best of you and watch him choose someone else. You’re the dead girl and he’ll still choose you.”

She bared her teeth and leaped at you.

[benjamingates]

glee and supernatural (im sorry lmaooo)

thanks for sending something I guess 😒 jk you know I love you

Glee:

the first character i ever fell in love with: Kurt for sure, but I did really like s1 Rachel too right off the bat

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I used to think Schue was awesome (before I had seen the show let me make that clear) but now I don’t like him, also I liked Artie at first but will now be the first to say he’s shit like honestly I might even hate him more than Will

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: Finchel, I’m so on the fence about them tbh like sometimes they’re cute but also they’re so toxic 

my ultimate favorite character™: KING BURT

prettiest character: Blaine, but Quinn, Tina, and Kurt are also v nice too

my most hated character: Artie. Or Kitty... or Will ig. Also Cooter or however you spell it but he was shit

my OTP: Klaine obvi

my NOTP: Blaine and Dave probably but also Kurtbastian (sorry everyone I just think Kurt deserves better). AND KALTER OFC LIKE WTF

favorite episode: Original Song probably loll

saddest death: Finn for sure, but also Sue’s sister I cry at every scene they have lol and in the funeral ep I couldn’t keep it together

favorite season: 3 or 5, but I do really like 1 too

least favorite season: 4 or 6 but I think I hate 6 more

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: Artie or Kitty, and tbh sometimes I think people love Sue to much like yes Jane is an icon but she physically assaulted students 😭 ALSO HOLLY HOLIDAY!! SHE’S AWFUL I HATE HER!

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Santana maybe bc let’s be real she was awful a lot of the time, also Jesse

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Kurt <3 and Mike!!

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: um... honestly Wemma like they aren’t nasty but Emma def deserves better but like I just can’t help but root for them also their kids are cute but Will still sucks

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Quinn and Tina, Marley and Unique, Mason and Jane

Supernatural:

the first character i ever fell in love with: Dean tbh

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: Chuck :( I liked him so much and they really said FU

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: um I don’t really have a whole ton of spn ships so none?

my ultimate favorite character™: Would still probably be Dean just in the earlier seasons bc they kinda ruined him in the later seasons

prettiest character: Ruby (when Gen played her)

my most hated character: Meg she was just annoying af

my OTP: Destiel I guess? But tbh I really liked Dean and Lisa together (the person with the son that Dean lives with after Sam dies)

my NOTP: WINCEST please make it stop. But I did also hate all the Cas/Meg stuff I had to pause the show bc it made me so uncomfy

favorite episode: The s5 finale or the one told from the Impala’s point of view

saddest death: No one ever stayed dead on this freaking show, but probably when Sam gets stabbed in the back. Also Jo and her mom sorry I’m blanking on her name

favorite season: Probably 1 or 2 I really don’t think it peaked past that

least favorite season: The leviathan one, also s15 was complete trash

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: Meg? Idk if other people love her but seriously I cannot say how much I hate her. ALSO MARY WHEN SHE COMES BACK!! One of the worst decisions they made I was so happy when she died

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Rowena 

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Wouldn’t ever call him a cinnamon roll but Dean

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: None like I said I rly don’t have a ton of spn ships

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: I guess Eileen and Sam, I like them in theory but they have -5 chemistry 

Send me a fandom!

[thejosh1980]

Distance and all that...

We've been back now for about 2 months, so I'd like to write a “Mum appreciation” post.

When I was living in Europe all those years, the closest person to mewas actually my Mum, Sue.

When I first moved, we really only kept it touch from time to time, to let her know I was OK, and she kept me up to date with how life was back home...but over the course of many many years, while we didn't necessarily call more often, we did get much much closer. In fact, I'd probably now say we're the best of friends.

Somehow the physical distance brought us closer.

Mum has been over to Europe and each time it's been an awesome experience. During her first trip in the mid 2000's, while I was living in England, I cashed in my return ticket to take her to Paris so Mum could see Jim Morrison's grave, and maybe check out a little painting of a woman named Mona. Or was it Lisa??? Anyway...

That was the start of our travels in Europe...

When I moved to Dresden Mum came to visit and quickly became comfortable in town. She got friendly with the folks at her favorite place to breakfast “Cafe Europa”, she knew where the shops and museums she wanted to go to were, and while I was at work, she explored the city. Awesome...

That trip was huge, because she started to get to know my friends, where I lived and how I lived... she was a bit worried about me when I first told her I was going to live in Germany, but now she could see for herself I was happy, safe and had a pretty damn good life there. It meant our calls in the future were more connected. That visit joined the 2 worlds we lived...

She's even been on tour with my band, The 2930s, slipping right into the position of “Queen Of The Boss Chicks” as I invited her up on stage each night to boogie with the band.

On her last trip out, we spent 4 weeks driving all over Europe; Dresden down to Austria, Italy, across to Spain, through France, Switzerland and eventually a quick visit to Amsterdam. About 7,000 kilometers together on the road.

Now obviously, I have been home for quite a few holidays over the years, spending most of my time with Mum at her place.

And in all those visits back and forward, not one argument was had.

In fact, the one time I do remember in the past 25 years being so angry with my Mum, that I raised my voice in frustration, she has forgotten about! I had to remind her recently...

We trust each other... She's always got my back, and I always have hers.

There may have been some heated discussions, but we just can't remember... And really who cares...?

While I loved my experiences, my life in Europe, even with all the highs and lows that came with my choices, the biggest gain has been the reignited love and admiration I have for my Mum and the trust she puts in me.

You know what, I really love being her son.

Now I know plenty of children will say their love for their mum is the biggest, the deepest and the best... I know plenty can say their relationship is perfect.... I agree with those sentiments, I'd say our relationship is pretty close to perfect, but I'm not trying to say any of that...

What I am trying to say is, it changed and it got good! Really good! In fact, it got better... It keeps getting better... We found a great balance... We are each other'sfavorite...

I don't know that many relationships in my life that developed this way.

I think we both grew together... Mum was pretty young when she had my sister and I, and she struggled a lot when we were younger... I surely wasn't the easiest child, and as a teenager I gave her grief all the time... it wasn't until our trust grew enough that she could share some of those experiences of being a mum with 2 young kids, that I learnedhow much effort she put into putting a roof over our heads. I'm sure she could see I grew up too, while continuing to let me make mistakes and not rub it in when things went wrong...

We've been through a lot together, even though we've spent the better part of the last 20 years quite far apart. Now, instead of being 16,000 kilometers away from each other, we sleep about 16 meters away from each other...

Living with Mum is so darn easy... it's all good... even with Alex, it's been a real comfortable slip into family life together. I'm thoughtful that this is Mum’s house, and Mum is thoughtful that we are trying to find our way. It's that simple understanding that goes a long long way for a healthy relationship.

Mum totally gets my sense of humor and because of that, I get to tease her all the time, but what most people don't realize is, the more I tease her, the more it shows my love for her. But Mum knows that already...

Mum knows when she needs it, I am there.

She's a strong independent woman, and I am here to help her the best I can with her ailing eyesight. We've got a lot of adventures to have in the coming future. I can't wait...

Anyhow, I just wanted to remind everyone how cool our mums are... (yes, Dads are cool too, but I'll save that for another post!). They have always done the best they could given the circumstances... As we, as children, have done...

Give 'em a call, buy them flowers, talk to 'em, ask questions, hug them again... take them out for dinner.... give 'em another hug... write a blog!

Don't wait another moment to let them know you care about them...

I love you Mum...

Thanks for reading,

Josh