#yes i know they slept together when they first met i'm talking about after that

[magics-neptunes-things]

Solace

Hi guys!

This is a massive one again, it count like 12K words. I proofread it like four time but it's big so it might still have several mistakes. And I'm sorry about it ♥

Please enjoy, I really loved working for this one :)

TW : Mention of cheating, Angst.

You never thought that your ex-girlfriend would hurt you that way. You were with Jenni for two years when she left Barcelona to go to play in Mexico. You were gutted honestly, even if you never shared the same flat, she was always in yours. Or you were always with her. It was only when you were called in national camp that you weren’t together.

With you being Australian and Jenni being Spanish, it was logical that you weren’t on the same team. Unlike Jenni, you weren’t really a player very needed by your team. More like the number two. Even in Barcelona you are the second goalkeeper behind Cata. And in Australia, there is Mackenzie Arnold, but you can’t be sad or mad at anyone because they just are amazing.

Jenni left after the World Cup and seemed to settle very quickly and easily in her new team and world. You aren’t surprised to be honest; Jenni has always been like this. Easygoing, smiling and very sociable.

You didn’t know that this part of her will lead you to a breakup. Jenni didn’t have the courage to tell herself that she cheated, you learned it like almost all the rest of the world, when pictures started appearing on Internet.

When you talked with Jenni about it, she tried to deny or make things less serious than they were before finally told the truth. She told you that yes, she met someone else, but it isn’t serious, it was just to have fun. It has nothing to do with what you have together.

Blah, blah, blah.

You couldn’t forgive her. It’s not like she just shared a random kiss in a creepy nightclub. They had dates, they kissed and even slept together several times. You didn’t say anything on social media about your breakup or Jenni’s betrayal. You just deleted all your pictures where you were together.

Your teammates took care of you. Marta and Caro brought you breakfast every morning, Lucy brought you back scones from England when she went there, Cata slept every night on your couch just to be with you (you are pretty sure that’s it was because she misses her girlfriend too), Ona shared with you her very impressive DVD’s collection, Alexia always made sure that you aren’t alone for the drill, Jana always sat with you on the bus or plane, Mariona invited you to pass several days in Mallorca in her family and Ingrid took you shopping at least twice a month.

You love them for that, honestly. You couldn’t ask for better friends. But Barcelona keeps remembering you of Jenni. So, when your agent informed you that he received an offer for you from Arsenal, you don’t hesitate a lot.

It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to your teammates and Barcelona’s fans to be honest. You really love this place, but you needed to see something else. Maybe you’ll come back in several years, that’s what you said to a tearful Jana after your speech.

The first days at Arsenal are strange to be honest, but you are glad to have others Australians teammates here. Caitlin, Steph and Kyra seemed happy to have you there and help you settle down. You are still talking daily to your former teammates, but the trio help you to feel better.

They never talked to you about your breakup, they knew you were with Jenni and that you aren’t anymore. Like the rest of the world after all. You don’t know what Jenni told her friends and family, you liked her brother and her parents, but you couldn’t saw them after that. The breakup is one thing, but dealing with betrayal is something else.

You usually don’t go to the team bonding, but tonight Kyra almost rolled herself at your feet, begging you to come. A little less dramatic, Steph just told you that she will be happy if you come while Caitlin rolled her eyes at Kyra. So here you are, looking at yourself in the mirror of your bedroom.

You look at yourself and wonder what in you wasn’t enough to make Jenni stay. Sur, you were in two different continents, but you never thought a single second about being unfaithful to your girl… ex-girlfriend.

The bell ring when Kyra is here to take you to Leah’s, taking you out of your thoughts. It’s maybe better like this. You can only smile when your friend gives you a big smile.

“I’m so happy you’re coming Y/N honestly. It will be fun, you’ll see.”

“Yeah, I’ll see” you smirk.

She slaps you playfully on your shoulder before starting her car and you promise yourself not to go anywhere with Kyra in her car anymore.

“Yeah, the baby Aussies!” Katie shout when you enter Leah’s house.

Caitlin just smiles at you at first, but soon come to take you away from Kyra when the younger one start to drag you everywhere without your consent.

“Leah ordered pizzas and we are going to watch one film or two. It’s great that you are here, really” Caitlin smiles at you.

You smile back and accept the drink she gives you. You smell it with skepticism when you learn that Beth made them, but after tasting it you have to admit that it’s pretty great. But your teammates are loud, and you aren’t used to this kind of noise anymore. You soon started to feel overwhelmed, and you look for somewhere quieter to sit.

You finally find a place on a couch, where Lia and Alessia are talking casually. Their corporal language tell you that it isn’t an important or secret conversation, but you still approach them shyly, half hiding behind your glass.

“Would you mind if I sit with you?”

“Not at all” Lia smiles at you.

Alessia smiles too and get closer to Lia to let you a bigger place next to her. She has a beautiful smile, you never really realized it before.

“I was just saying to Alessia that she should make a stop in Switzerland next time she goes in Italy. It isn’t far away after all.”

You smile and nod. Of course, you know that Lia comes from Switzerland and Alessia is half Italian, thanks to her dad.

“I never went to Switzerland or even Italy” you admit softly.

It seems to take your interlocutors’ attention and they both start to list the advantages of both countries. But you are interested by it, both girls are calm but still funny and it’s exactly the kind of conversation you needed right now.

When Leah comes in the living room with the pizzas, the team passes almost fifteen minutes to choose a film on Netflix. You are listening to their fight with a soft smile, really amused by it.

“It’s like this every single time” Alessia whispers to you with a smile. “I usually chose this moment to take the best pizza part, even a second if they really are fighting hard.”

You laugh softly, pleasantly surprised by Alessia’s confidences. You haven’t really talked a lot to her, to be honest. But she seems to be a very cute and sweet girl, everyone can see that. You are thankful to her about her small chat so you decide to get along with it.

“Alright, tell me, how do you chose your first part?” you ask Alessia while Katie is explaining why Kim’s choice isn’t good.

“I take the cheesiest one, and if it has the basil leaf on it, it’s the best thing ever. Seems like I have to make a choice for now though.”

You look at her looking attentively at the pizza in front of you. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by the others’ tantrum at all. She finally chooses the cheesy one before turning herself in your direction.

“What about you? How do you choose your first part?”

“I love pizza dough. I usually take the one with the biggest crust” you admit.

“I never heard someone choosing her part like this” Alessia giggles.

Her giggles make you smile, and you lean to take your part too. It happens to be the one with the basil leaf and you put it on Alessia’s part without a second though.

“Ok, you are not allowed to seat next to someone else when pizzas are involved now.”

“So you feel better now?”

Alexia’s voice resonates in your bathroom from your phone where you putted the speaker while getting ready.

“Yeah I mean the girls had always been lovely but that evening really helped me to be included in the team, I think.”

“That’s great, I’m really happy for you. They would have been stupid not to do it though, you are the most lovely girl ever.”

You smile, you know that she is really happy for you. Since your departure, you kept writing with some of your former teammates and Alexia is one of them. You sometimes suspect that she knows what you whispered into Jana’s ear, when you said that you might come back someday. But you are happy to have news from her.

“What about you? What’s new in Barcelona Femeni?”

“We all miss you, honestly” she begins. “But it’s been great. The new signings are settling great I think.”

“And yourself?”

“I’m fine. Olga has been great too. We, hum, she’s leaving with me now, when she’s in Barcelona.”

“That’s great Capi, I’m happy for you.”

You know how close Alexia is to Jenni, but the blonde never said any words about your ex-girlfriend since your breakup. You are glad about it honestly, but you like when she talks about her relationship. You are really happy for her; she seems so happy lately. And she deserves it.

You aren’t lying to Alexia; you maybe need to thank Kyra for taking you out of your house that night. Since that day you are pretty close from Lia who seems to really want to take you in Switzerland with all the discussions you have about it. You talk a lot to Laia Codina too, the girl seems happy to have someone she can speak Spanish with, you learned the language pretty well during the five years you were in Barcelona. You laugh and joke with Katie and you are of course really close to Caitlin and Steph.

And there is Alessia, too. You like sitting next to her during the trips or the meals, she is pretty calm but, in another hand, she always has something to say or to laugh about. But you feel relaxed next to her, a thing you haven’t really felt since a long time.

It’s scared you a little bit, to be honest. At first you wanted to put some distance between you and her, you don’t want to get attached to someone or feeling the need of having a special someone in your life. But Alessia is so sweet and seems so concerned about your well-being that you can’t stay away from her.

This is the third night out where you go today, it’s at Steph’s house this time. You decided to curl your hair tonight, but still go with your eternal jeans and t-shirt anyway.

You wait someone in your car when you are in front of Steph’s house, not wanting to go inside alone. You just have to wait two minutes before you see Vic coming and you follow her inside after having greeted her.

A lot of your teammates are here, and the atmosphere is a little more festive than the others. You can see that some of them are a little tipsy already and you smirk when you see Kyra’s state. Thanks God, you aren’t the one getting her home tonight.

“What about a have you ever?” someone randomly propose at one point.

You are not a fan of it honestly, but you don’t want to kill the fun. Looking around, you see that almost all of your teammates accepted the game, only Lia rolls her eyes with a little smile. You sit next to Caitlin who greets your presence next to her with a smile and a tap on your back.

The game went pretty well to be honest; you even have fun. Some of girls were more or less asked to explain themselves about specifics questions, making their teammates laugh or smile.

It was until Manu asked a very accurate question.

“Have you ever been a cheater in a relationship?”

There is an abrupt silence in the room, who last probably only two seconds, but for you it’s an eternity. Suddenly, someone rings the bell at the door and Leah almost jump from the couch.

“It’s the pizzas, it’s for me!”

“I’ll help you” you mumble before getting up too, not looking at everyone.

Leah doesn’t react when you talk or follow her to the door, the most far possible from the couch you were sitting on. She refuses your pounds to help her pay but puts some of the box in your hands. When you come back into the room, everyone was in a small talk and you still follow Leah, putting the box on the table this time.

You aren’t really hungry to be honest, but Steph puts a plate with a slice on your knees. You take a look and realize that there is a lot of cheese on it and almost no crust, making you sulk. Then you raise your gaze up to meet Alessia’s and her pizza slice. With a smile you get up and silently swap them.

After the pizzas, you decide to go in Steph’s garden, breathing a little bit of fresh air. You haven’t thought that you will be hearing a conversation between Steph and Manu, your compatriot roasting the goalkeeper.

“What the hell were you thinking?” you hear Steph whisper-shout.

“I don’t know! I thought that not asking Who has ever been cheat on was okay!”

You can perfectly picture Manu talking with her hands and Steph leaning in her direction, deeply frowning.

“I never wanted to hurt her or make her uncomfortable! I’ll go excuse myself to her.”

“You better not. Leave her alone.”

You can hear every single word and it’s maybe even worse. You know very well that Manu never wanted to hurt you, she’s a very sweet girl. But very clumsy sometimes with her words.

“You ok Kiddo?”

Caitlin’s voice makes you jump, but you give her a brave smile anyway.

“Yeah, I mean… Yeah.”

Hands in the pockets of your jeans, you shrug when she raises an eyebrow. That wasn’t the most explicit and understandable sentence. Caitlin comes to stand next to you, looking closely at you.

“You know you can talk to me, right? I mean I wasn’t with you when it happened, but if you need to…”

“I know Cait, thanks” you smile softly. “You weren’t in Barcelona, but you still checked on me. I haven’t forgotten it. But I don’t know if there is a lot to say, to be honest.”

Realizing that you don’t want to talk and not being the one to push the others, Caitlin just passes an arm around your shoulders to give you a hug. It’s comforting to be honest, you never thought that you will say that one day, but you kind of miss your Spanish’s teammates hugs and touch.

“It will get better with time” Caitlin whispers.

You nod and enjoy the hug as long as you can, Caitlin doesn’t seem to want to let you go. It was until you saw Katie’s coming in the garden too. Maybe stupidly, you gently push Caitlin away from you, making the Irish smirks.

“Don’t worry, I can share her with you”

Caitlin smiles and rolls her eyes.

“Mmmmmh. Nah, only for hugs actually” Katie adds, kissing her girlfriend’s head. “But I can share one of my guestrooms with you, if you feel too alone someday. You don’t even have to ask before coming.”

“Thanks” you smile.

Several hours later, you are turning on your mattress in Steph’s living room, unable to fall asleep. Even if your teammates tried to change your ideas, now that you are alone with your thoughts, you have trouble to fall asleep. Some of them went home but a lot of them decided to sleep here.

Your mind won’t shut up and you are getting crazy. The moment when you learned about Jenni cheating turn in your head on and on. The feelings you had, the questions you have since that day.

Why has she done that, why weren’t you enough, has she ever been really in love with you or were you just a hobby to pass time?

Scared to wake some of your teammates up, you finally decided to get up to go to the garden on more time. You miss the Spanish’s heat and shiver when you meet the English’s cold.

You don’t know how many times you stayed here before you feel somebody presence behind you.

“Hi” Alessia says softly.

“Hi” you whisper back without looking at her.

You look at her from the corner of your eyes after several minutes, to see that she’s looking at the sky. Like this, her eyes seem even bluer than they already are. Realizing that you are starring, you hurry to look at something else.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Alessia finally asks.

“No” you mumble, frowning.

Like a lot of people in Arsenal, you don’t have talked with Alessia about the end of your relationship. Or your relationship itself. You never asked Alessia about her love life either, the kind of crush you are developing for her being scary enough for you like this.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this” the blonde finally says. “I never had to deal with things like this, but I can imagine how hard it is.”

“It’s not only about the end of the relationship, but also a lot about the betrayal too. I never thought we will be endgame, but I was really attached to her, and I trusted her with my whole life. This raises so many questions in me…”

Alessia is looking at you, you can feel her eyes on you. But it’s not the kind of invading look, you can almost feel her concern in the way she looks at you.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You put your eyes on her, but you don’t really need it to understand that there is no push in the proposition. She just wants to help you to sort it out, if you want to.

“I just… don’t understand, I guess. Why has she done that? And why saying that it wasn’t true at first?”

“I can’t answer at her place” Alessia answers with a sad face. “Have you tried to talk to her about it?”

“No. I blocked her everywhere and unfollowed her teammates in case of they wanted to write me on Instagram or something. Our mutual friends are clever enough not to get in the middle of that.”

Alessia nods, seeming lost in her thoughts. She is still looking at you though.

“All I can say is that you deserve someone who will really take care of you. She wasn’t the one, obviously. You deserve the best.”

You shrug, not exactly knowing what to answer to that. You aren’t sure about it to be honest, if you deserve the best why do you have to deal with that kind of things? You probably have done something wrong; you just don’t know what.

“Hey, none of that” Alessia says like she can read your mind, slapping playfully your shoulder.

“I just keep thinking that maybe I deserved it. It makes me doubt about anyone, even my friend. If my girlfriend, the person who is supposed to love the most, thought that I wasn’t interesting enough, how can friends like me? And why? Are they really feeling that I deserve their attention or is it just pity?” you whisper, feeling your tears coming.

“Come here.”

She doesn’t let you the choice before hugging you, in a bones-crushed hug. But you needed it, honestly. Caitlin’s one was good, but this one is really special. Probably because of the girl hugging you. It’s scary and comforting at the same time.

“She’s the one who should question herself, not you. You are kind, you are lovely, you are beautiful, you are funny, you are clever… You have everything. She the one who lost someone great, not you. And I think I’m not only talking for myself when I say that we all love you here. We love you and we care for you, just like your former teammates, aren’t they keep messaging or calling you?”

“Yes, they are” you mumble in Alessia’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

She kisses your cheek, letting her lips press against your cheek a little longer than a usual friend kiss, the sweet girl trying to give you the most comfort possible. It works though, but you are not sure that it’s for the good reason. But once again, you don’t have the strength to get away from her.

That night, you made yourself the promise not to show any romantics feeling toward Alessia. Because you realized that it’s already too late for you to try to fight those feelings. You know that Alessia is sweet, but so was Jenni before she decided to cheat on you. You are not sure about Alessia sexuality anyway and there is no world where you ask her the question, it would been too strange. You don’t want anything to change between both of you.

The fans started to realize that Alessia had became your “team buddy” like they like to say, just like Jana were when you were still in Barcelona. She usually sits next to you in the bus, you drive her to the training or the home games and you stay at each other house sometimes after training. Some people are joking about Ella and Jana being replaced, making you roll your eyes when Alessia mentioned it. You love Jana, but never thought about her in any way other than friend. Which isn’t the case for Alessia.

You take the habit to cuddle against her when you are watching a movie at home, and you are surprised that she took you herself against her for the next movie during a team bonding. You try your best to erase any surprise on your face, but you catch Leah and Caitlin’s eyes on you, and you can’t hide the blush creeping on your cheeks. Leah doesn’t seem upset or trying to make fun of you, she seems to be thinking. It’s harder to read Caitlin’s look.

When you raise your eyes on Alessia’s face, she’s watching peacefully the film, so you decide to imitate her, ignoring Leah and Caitlin whispers.

“Hey Kiddo, can I talk to you?” Caitlin asks you after a training session.

Almost all of the girls have already left and the ones who stayed aren’t looking or listening to you. You saw that Katie left already and Alessia is still under the shower, her hair routine being incredibly long.

“Sure” you smile at your teammate.

She smiles and sits next to you in your cubby, looking straight into your eyes. Hers are inquisitive and you can’t keep looking at them, even if there is no trace of something negative.

“I just wanted to know how you are feeling, after Steph’s party. I know Katie kind of interrupt, but if there is something bothering you, you can come to me.”

“I know” you smile affectionally at the older girl. “I trust you. It’s just that I don’t even know where to start.”

“What about we start about you and Alessia?” Caitlin asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

You try to put your best poker face here, but you are not sure it will work. Caitlin knows you since you are 17, from the first time you were called in Australia senior team when their first goalkeeper got injured.

“I myself fell in love with a teammate. Twice. The second wasn’t at all planned but here we are. I know the signs.”

There is a small smile on Caitlin’s face, and you sigh softly. There is almost no one in the locker room now, only Vic talking very fast and very Dutch in her phone. And Caitlin isn’t screaming either, there is no way that Vic can hear both of you. Looking at your feet, you frown before answering.

“You are right, but nothing will happen” you whisper, throat clenched. You shouldn’t be sad like that. “It’s not a good idea to fall for someone so fast after being cheated on and Alessia definitely isn’t sharing those feelings.”

Caitlin offers you an empathic smile, putting her hand on your shoulder. It makes you raise your eyes on her again.

“You can’t control your feelings. Jenni was a bitch to you, but you can’t let her and her mistakes decide of the rest of your life. What she did to you was wrong, it wasn’t deserved in any way. You have to fight for your happiness Kiddo, with Less or someone else.”

You bite your lip softly; you know that Caitlin is right in a way. You can’t let Jenni’s actions guide your life. But there is another problem here.

“I don’t want to take risks and lose Alessia. I really need her in my life right now. Do you… Do you know if she’s really straight?”

“No, I don’t, I’m sorry. We can try to figure out though.”

You really didn’t expect that Caitlin will ask Katie to help you both figuring out. You were thinking that Cait’ would asks Alessia during a private conversation or something like that. Not during a party in a nightclub, and not by Katie suddenly asking out loud

“We need to find you someone Less! The MVP of the game needs to have some fun tonight. Show me what kind of person you like, and I will go to talk to them.”

You almost chock on your drink, making Beth tap you a little harder than needed on your back. Alessia is looking at Katie with wide eyes when you can breathe again.

“Come on! What about him?” the Irish asks, pointing a random man on the crowd (you grimace). “Or him? Or maybe you’re on the good side and into girls too?”

Alessia went bright red and Caitlin smirks at you. You have your answer, but you don’t really like to see Alessia being so uncomfortable. You would have prefer the soft manner.

“Leave her alone, you evil” you say, putting a protective hand on Alessia knee.

Katie chuckles and stands up, taking Caitlin by the hand to drag her on the dance floor after having kissed in apology Alessia on the head. You knew that you wouldn’t see both of them until tomorrow morning.

“Are you okay?” you ask Alessia.

You feel guilty for her discomfort, she always has been nothing but sweet and caring with you. But she smiles at you and squeezes the hand you still have on her knee.

“I am. Don’t worry.”

It’s really hard not to fall in love even harder when she smiles at you like that. You gave her a weak smile back, forcing yourself not to let your eyes fall in her lips when she mixes your fingers together under the table. You are trying so hard that you missed the look Beth and Leah exchanged at the same moment.

“Come on, please! You can’t miss my birthday!”

Alexia’s pleading voice makes you smile. She’s whining like a little child and to be honest how much she wants you to be her makes you very happy.

“Alright La Reina, I’ll be there.”

The happy scream Alexia let out make you laugh.

“Too bad I wasn’t recording that, it would have made TikTok mad” you smirk.

“Callate. So, you are coming, would you like to sleep at mine?”

“No, I don’t want to disturb you. I’ll ask Jana, don’t worry. You will have already a lot to think about.”

“Nothing actually, Alba and Mama are organizing the party alone. I’m not even allowed to choose my cake.”

You are not surprised. You know how much Alba is willing to help her sister to lose control over things, organizing her birthday is a way to help Alexia cool down. And Eli is definitely the one person needed to control her younger daughter energy in the process.

“What do you want for gift?”

“Nothing, just you coming is enough.”

“Well I have to find enough gift paper to wrap myself in it.”

“Y/N, you’re coming Saturday, right?”

You raise your eyes on Kyra, standing in front of you. She’s the one organizing the party this weekend and you know how much she’s looking for it. But you won’t be able to make it.

“No Kyra, I’m sorry. I won’t be in London that weekend.”

“What? Where are you going?” she asks, frowning.

You saw behind her Alessia looking at you, just like Leah.

“It’s Alexia’s birthday. She asked me to come, and I said yes. I haven’t seen them for ages, and we don’t have any game or training for two days, so…”

You shrug while Kyra pouts and you give her a smile before pinching her cheek.

“Aw don’t be sad Kyky. I’m sure you will have fun and I’ll take you back some Sangria, okay?”

“Don’t call me Kyky” she whines, slapping your hand away. “And I want Sangria and Iberic ham.”

You smile when she turns your back to you to go to Steph and you finish to put your things in your bag. When you are finished, you sit again just to see that Alessia is looking at you.

“Are you ready?” you ask, and she nods.

Like almost every day, you drive her home with your car. The journey to the parking is silent and you can see from the corner of your eyes that there is a wrinkle between Alessia’s eyebrow.

“Are you okay?” you finally ask after the middle of the trip for her house.

Alessia is usually very talkative, and she hasn’t said a single word, looking by the window of your car, which you find it very worrying.

“Yeah” she just answers.

She gives you a soft smile and starts to look again by the window. You decide not to insist, so you put your eyes on the road in front of you. But not after thirty seconds, you feel Alessia’s hand looking for yours, linking your fingers like she took the habits since several weeks now.

Your heart fluttered every single time.

“Am I still invited to diner?” you ask when you parked your car in front of Alessia’s house.

“Of course you are!”

She’s frowning, seeming offended by your question. But it makes you smile and without thinking about your move, you kiss her hand before getting out of the car. You breath again when Alessia get out too, not mentioning or showing any discomfort about your gesture.

Alessia decided for a pasta night, she promised you to make you try one of her Nona’s receipts. You help her with the vegetables, cutting them for her.

“When are you leaving for Spain?” she asks while stirring the sauce.

“Saturday morning. I take the first flight to be able to enjoy the most of time possible. And I’m coming back on Sunday night, I’ll take the last flight.”

Alessia nods softly, concentrated on her sauce. Well, that’s what you think she’s doing. You don’t know that there is a hurricane in her head at that moment.

“Do you want me to take you to the airport?”

“I’d love to, but it’s really early, Lessi.”

It’s not what seems to retain her attention.

“I like when you call me Lessi. People usually go for Less.”

She looks at you with a smile and you can’t help but smile back. That girl really has the most sweet, cute and amazing smile in the world. How much you want to kiss her right now might not be healthy.

“I’ll drive you. I don’t care if it’s at 4 in the morning.”

She doesn’t seem to let you any opportunity to make her change her mind, so you just accept her proposition.

Alessia proposed you a glass of red wine to drink with the pasta and you accept, curious to see what kind of wine are the Italian one. You only know the Spanish and the French for now. You don’t drink a lot and Alessia neither, during the party with the team you sometimes drink a glass and that’s all.

So, after three glasses and the pasta, you maybe are a little tipsy when you find yourself in the couch with Alessia. She puts a movie on TV, but you are way more focused on the fact to keep your hands in the right places, even if you are cuddling with the blonde. Your skin is on fire where she strokes your arm with her fingertips.

When the effects she has on you are starting to remember you the not really PG18 dreams you sometimes have about her, you stand from the couch to go take a drink in her kitchen. You take advantage of being in the kitchen to splash cold water on your face to cool down like you can.

But when you join Alessia again on the couch, she rolls to be lying with her front totally on your stomach, one of her legs between yours.

“I’m going to miss you this weekend” she mumbles, eyes still on the screen.

“I will miss you too” you answer, playing with her hair.

“No sense. You will find back all of your friends from Barcelona. You won’t even have the time to think about me.”

“Now you’re the one talking no sense” you whisper.

You are not really sure that she heard you at first, because she doesn’t say anything or doesn’t move. But then she’s pushing on her hands to sit down and turn herself to face you.

“Really?”

Her baby blue eyes are scanning you, but you don’t look away. You are like hypnotized by her.

“Of course, Lessi.”

Your hands went naturally on her thighs and you feel your heart beating fast when she leans on you, her forehead finally softly pressed against yours.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

You don’t know why you are scared. It’s Alessia. You know you can trust her. You never have been able to look at her so closely and you know that you will never see something more beautiful. Her eyes are looking for something in yours when she strokes softly your cheek with her hand.

“I’m going to kiss you”

Even if it’s more of a statement than a question, she waits for the small nod you give her to break the last centimeters separating your lips. The first kiss is just a small press of her lips on yours, but the fireworks in your brain are still here.

Your breath hitch, but then she’s kissing you a second time and you take advantage of having her sitting on your lap to pass a hand on her neck and deepens the kiss. After several time – you lost track of time since long – she whimpers, and you know you have to stop here if you don’t want to lose your mind.

“Lessi” you try to talk when your lips are separated for you to breathe again.

A small hum makes you understand that she heard you, even if she starts to kiss your jaw.

“Lessi, we need to – of fuck.”

She just bites your neck, and you will probably combust in a few seconds. No one kissed you for ages, even when you were still in relationship with Jenni. She was across the world after all. And the one touching you right now is Alessia, the girl you are dreaming off days and nights.

“Alessia, please” you try again, totally breathless. “We need to slow down.”

“But why?”

She’s frowning when she detached her lips from your neck to look at you. Her lips are swollen, her cheeks are pink and what you can see in her eyes make you shudder. You still have to shake you mentally though.

“Because, if we keep things that way, I will probably lose my mind at some point. And you drunk wine, so you are not totally in control. And you have no ideas about the affects you have on me”

“But I want it. I’m very aware of what we are doing” she whispers, stroking your lips with hers. “I waited for it for so long.”

“I don’t want it to be a one-time thing” you whisper back.

It’s maybe not the moment to show some vulnerability, but you have to be honest with her and with yourself. You know that it might take you away from what you are sharing right now, but you probably won’t survive a deception with her.

It seems to touch Alessia though, because she’s sitting a little more to have a better look at you. And then you can see a glimpse of tenderness between the lust and the want.

“Me neither.”

Your heart jump in your chest and after looking at her for a second more, just to be sure that you understood correctly, you take her again against you to kiss her.

“You’re glowing!”

You roll your eyes at Lucy’s sentence when she great you at Barcelona airport. You hug her bag anyway, before turning to face Ona.

“Don’t make that face, it’s true” the Spaniard smirks.

“Talk for yourself. I never seen you looking so good” you say before turning to Lucy with a smirk. “You, in another hand, you are aging.”

“Piss off” Lucy says, hitting you on the head.

You laugh and pass your hand around her shoulders, assuring her that you are joking. You are happy to be back to be honest, you miss Barcelona. The smell is so different from London, and you feel a wave of nostalgia take you when Lucy drives you in the streets.

You are supposed to sleep to Jana’s for the weekend, but she had a duty that she couldn’t skip, so the golden couple from Barcelona took on them to take you from the airport. You know that a lot of your ex-teammates would come for you if you had ask. You take advantage of the small journey to write to Alessia, letting her know that you have well arrived.

“Jana is maybe not home for now, but she gave us the key for her flat. Do you want to come to ours to wait though?” Ona asks, turning in your direction.

“Nah, don’t worry” you answer, looking up from your phone. “Like this I will be able to take a shower. I will see you both tonight though, right?”

“Of course.”

Jana makes a happy squeak when she sees you sitting on her couch, your clothes changed to support Barcelona’s heath. You laugh at her but hug her back anyway, really happy to see her in real again.

“I missed you so much! Look at you, how are you so white?” she smirks, pinching your cheek.

“Meh, and how are you still so small?”

You have texted with Alessia before Jana’s return, so you are able to talk to the girl non-stop for hours without any interruption. Jana made you diner that you eat with a Sangria, catching up the news that you missed from your phone calls. It’s only at the end of the meal that your friend asks you a question that you weren’t waiting anymore.

“So. Who is making you this happy?”

You are happy to have already finish your dish, because you probably would have chock on your food. You never talked about your feelings for Alessia to anyone, only to Caitlin. You don’t know that you are very obvious for your other teammates.

“What are you talking about?”

“You look very happy. I haven’t seen you so happy for months. So, who it is?”

You look at your friend, not knowing what to say. You haven’t talk with Alessia about the finality of your relationship, you haven’t labelled it either. You don’t know if she will be ok for you to talk about it. After what happened in her apartment that night, you talked with Alessia the morning after. You were relieved to learn that she didn’t change her mind and she still wanted more than a (wonderful) night together.

You haven’t sleep separately since that day, until you have to leave for Barcelona. Alessia took you to the airport like she said, kissing you goodbye.

“Come on, talk to me” Jana add, hitting your feet with hers. “Is it someone I know?”

“I don’t think so” you bite your lip. “Unless you already met Alessia Russo?”

“No way! I thought she was straight!”

You laugh, unable to resist to the surprise and the amazement on Jana’s face. You know that you won’t be able to skip the questions from your friend now and you really hope that Alessia won’t be mad at you about it. You make Jana promise that she won’t say anything to anyone.

You take advantage of Jana taking a shower to call the blonde back in London. You don’t know if she’s already at the team bonding, but after texting her to know if you can call her, she did it herself.

“Hello” says Alessia’s voice and you can’t help but smile.

“Hi Beautiful” you smile softly, happy to hear her. “Am I disturbing you?”

“You never disturbed me before; it won’t start now. I’m waiting for Leah to take me to Kyra’s, my favorite driver failed me.”

Alessia is teasing you, you can say it only with her voice.

“I’ll make it up to you” you promise, still smiling.

“You better. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Do you have time to talk about something?”

“Of course?”

You try to be as concise as possible, putting the most important point of the conversation in the middle; you talked to Jana about you two. With Alessia not in front of you, you aren’t able to read her facial expressions and it’s worry you. What if it’s too soon? Would it be something that could make her back up?

Without realizing it, you start to talk maybe a little too fast, you are way to anxious for your own good.

“You talked about us to Jana?” Alessia summarizes after your rumbling.

“Yeah” you breath.

“That’s all?”

“Yeah?”

“Why am I feeling that you are waiting for me to be mad at you? Jana is one of your best friend, right?”

“I don’t know, it’s still the early hours of whatever is existing between us, and I don’t want to pressure you or something.”

You can hear that Alessia is confused, but you are yourself confuse about her confusion.

“But I thought that we were on the same page, that we are serious with each other?”

“I am, Lessi. I am very serious about us. So, you aren’t mad?”

“Of course not, you have the right to talk about us to your friends. Don’t torture yourself like this Sweetheart. Look Leah is here since several minutes already, I really have to go. Keep me update about your night?”

“I will. I’m waiting for your messages too” you smile softly, your heart jumping at the cute surname. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me too”

You can hear Alessia’s smile in her voice when she sends you a kiss, wishing you a good night. You feel better now that you heard Alessia’s voice and now that you are sure about what you’ve done.

It’s with a light heart that you enter the bar privatized for the party by the Putellas, to see that a lot of people are already here.

“Here she is!” Cata shouts when she jumps on your back before kissing your cheek with a useless noise.

Then Salma pinches your cheek, Marta ruffles your hair, Mapi jumps excitably next to you and Patri slaps you behind your head. You missed them. You managed to get out of the grip of your former teammates to go see Alexia, who hug you tightly. You smile at Olga behind Alexia’s shoulder, before she releases you to take your face in her hands and looks at you with seriousness.

“You need a tan.”

“Oh, come one” you groan “I live in London, what were you all expected? It’s a miracle that you can’t actually see through my skin.”

Some of your friends around you laugh and Alexia gives you one of her big smiles in return.

“Well, you need to come here this summer in that case.”

“It works for me” you smirk.

Alexia seems happy with your answer and drag you to the bar for you to chose something to drink. You take the opportunity to catch up with a lot of your friends, talking in front of them is definitely better than messaging.

The night went great, you have a lot of fun with all of them. Mapi even managed to drag you on the dance floor at some point for several songs, before you go to get another drink. You find here Ingrid and Frido and start to talk with them, before being find by Jana.

You had a lot of notifications on your phone, your friends posting different stories on Instagram, marking you in the one you are. But you just check Alessia’s messages to be honest.

You were laughing about a story Jana was telling when you spot her. Jennifer Hermoso is here, and you feel all the blood in your face being drained. You never thought that she will be present, no one informed you. You would probably never come if you knew.

When you turn to Jana, she’s looking at you with wide eyes.

“Jana…”

“I didn’t know she would come Y/N, I swear!”

You just have to look at her to know that she’s saying the truth. But Jenni is still here, and you haven’t seen her since your breakup. The breakup who came three months after you saw her for the last time.

“Do you want to leave?”

Jana offers you a way out and you are really tempted to use it. But in another hand, you were having fun, it’s Alexia birthday and you have the right to be here. You wonder if Jenni knows that you are here.

“No, I…”

You start to talk, before remembering that pictures are posted on social media, and you are scared that Alessia sees a picture of Jenni before you inform her that she’s here. But wouldn’t be more suspect if you write her just several seconds after having spotted her?

“Should I tell Lessi?” you whisper to Jana.

She looks at you thoughtfully, but there is soon a blond tornado grabbing you by your arms. Alexia seems terrified when she looks at you.

“Y/N, Jenni is here, I’m sorry. She wanted to surprise me, Alba just mentioned to her the date of the party and she wanted to make a surprise.”

“It’s ok Ale” you assure her, managing to smile at her. “I promised I won’t make a scene.”

“That’s not what scare me, idiota.”

“I’ll ignore and avoid her. The bar is big enough.”

“She’s here with her girlfriend.”

“Still” you say after a beam of silence. “It’s ok Ale, keep enjoying your night ok?”

Her hazel eyes look at you for a small time before she nods slowly. You always find her way to look at people strange but fascinating. Like she can scan your mind and your soul.

“You’ll need to talk to me about your new girlfriend, though. But maybe not now.”

“Maybe not now” you say back, unable to hide your smile.

Alexia leaves after that and you finish your drink to keep your hands busy. The three other girls started to talk again about a random thing that you aren’t able to really follow at first. They don’t seem to realize it, or they just let you the time to adapt to the new situation.

Soon after, you have a great distraction because Alexia’s cake is coming and you can only laugh when you see that it’s decorated with childish Barcelona goodies.

Jenni is tall and it’s hard to miss her in a crowd. You easily spot the girl who is with her and it seems to you that she’s not the one she cheated on you with. But maybe you shouldn’t look at them. Lucy and Ona offer you a good entertainment when they come to you, Lucy grumpily complaining about a waitress trying to hit on Ona. The Spaniard rolls her eyes during Lucy’s explanations, but still sticks against Lucy who passed a possessive arm around her waist.

It makes you miss Alessia.

You were touchy before your first kiss; you always find comfort with her touch.

So, you excuse yourself to go outside to try to call Alessia. You hope that she won’t think that you are too invasive and that thought made you hesitate several seconds when you are outside, your phone’s screen on her ID.

“I was wondering if I will see you in person today.”

You recognize the voice way before raising your eyes on her. Jenni is against the wall of the club, two meters away from you, a cigarette in her hand.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here” you answer.

She looks at you several seconds before shrugging and putting her cigarette on the trash next to her. You take advantage of that gesture to have a real look at her. She hasn’t changed, but you realize with a big relief that you don’t feel any attraction to her.

“I wanted to surprise Alexia. I didn’t know I will surprise you either. I hope it’s ok that I am here.”

“It’s not my birthday, I don’t have anything to say” you answer honestly.

“If you haven’t blocked me everywhere, I would have told you”

You are surprised by that statement and raise both of your eyebrow while looking at her.

“Do I really need to remember you why I blocked you?”

You have been using a neutral voice until now, but you suddenly find her way to cocky and at ease with her behavior. She seems surprised at her turn by the tone of your voice.

“No” she only answer.

You wanted to call Alessia but if that’s mean that you have to be near Jenni, you rather go inside. But when you turn to go inside, you hear her coming closer to you.

“Wait, can we at least talk?”

You sigh softly before turning in her direction again. It’s weird to be faced with her, to be honest. And you don’t really like it. But maybe you have to pass that moment to get over what happened and the different questions you have about it.

“What do you want to talk about?” you ask, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What happened. I never said that I’m sorry that it finished like that. And I’m sorry that you needed to leave Barcelona after.”

You didn’t expect any excuse, to be honest. You always loved Jenni’s cocky side, her humor and her strength of character. You always have been admirative about the way she stands with her convictions.

“It seems like we weren’t meant to be” you finally answer, shrugging slightly. “But the betrayal was the worst thing ever. That’s what destroyed me, Jenni. I trusted you and you just put two years in the trash like it never meant anything to you. That was hard.”

It’s not usual to see Jenni without knowing what to answer, but for now she’s just standing in front of you with all of her charism, but oh so different from Alessia. They are both tall but except than that, they are in nothing similar. Alessia is the sweetness personified where Jenni is cocky. Alessia has the bluest eyes you have ever seen where Jenni’s are deep brown. Alessia has blond hair, Jenni has brown.

“I’m sorry” Jenni says again.

“Forget it. Where’s your girlfriend? She’s not the one you were dating while we were supposed to still be together, is she?”

Jenni seems uneasy suddenly, dancing on her heels.

“No. I stopped things with her, she kept remembering me how bad I was with you. When we broke up, no one wanted to talk about you to me. I knew like this how much you were hurt and then I learned that you left Barcelona for London.”

You are surprised by that, to be honest. You always thought that Jenni was living her best life with her new girlfriend, completely ignoring the pain she did to you. You were wrong, but you are grateful for you friends and the way they protected you. You stay silence and Jenni takes the opportunity to come closer to you, raising her hand probably in attempt to touch your face.

“Don’t” you say, stepping back a few steps.

“I wanted to see if you thought that we will be able to start to talk again, but I think I can guess the answer already.”

“You knew I would be here” you frown.

Jenni bites her lip and shrugs. She doesn’t have to answer anything, you already know the answer. In fact, you weren’t asking a question, it was more a statement from you.

“You met someone, right?”

“It’s none of your business, Jenni. I’m sorry.”

Not after everything she made you live. Alessia is your treasure, and you don’t want Jenni to smear it. You turn your heels to go back inside. You haven’t call Alessia and you hope that no one saw the encounter you just had with Jenni, at least before you call the blonde.

But when you saw a photograph going inside just before you, you start to panic. Hands shaking, you grab your phone and manage to find a quiet place somewhere to call Alessia.

When she doesn’t answer, you start to really panic. If you look at the picture from another point of view, you are probably over-reacting. People would thought that you are too attached to Alessia and that you are kind of toxic. But they can’t understand how much Alessia means to you.

“Y/N?”

You raise your head to look at Jana, who is looking back at you with worry.

“She doesn’t answer” you mumble.

“Have you talked to Jenni? I saw her coming inside just after you.”

“Yeah. She said that she was sorry or whatever… Will you be mad if I go home now?”

“I’m coming with you.”

Jana seems decided about her decision, but there is no way that you let her make her night awful because of you.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s Alexia’s birthday, you can’t go home now.”

“You, don’t be stupid. Come on.”

She takes your hand and drags you in the crowd, you want to at least say goodbye to Alexia. You find her easily, talking with some of her friends. You don’t have to explain anything to her, she hugs you as tightly as earlier and you hug her back.

“Take care of you, yeah? And warn your girlfriend that she will have to deal with me if she does shit with you.”

“I’ll tell her” you smile softly.

If she answers your calls at one point.

But you don’t say anything to Alexia for now, it’s her birthday. You want her to have a perfect night and to remember this with happiness. You had a great time yourself, until Jenni made her appearance.

During your trip to Jana’s flat, you tried to call Alessia twice, but she still doesn’t answer. You don’t really understand why, because you looked at the stories and posts you were tag in and there is nothing with Jenni and you. There definitively are pictures of Jenni though and you saw several fans becoming crazy, wondering if it means that you are back together.

You thought about calling Leah or Caitlin, but you don’t want to put other people in this mess.

You are the mess anyway, when you arrive in Jana’s, you just lie on the bed in her guestroom, looking at your phone, waiting for it to have Alessia ID appearing on the screen. You don’t understand why she doesn’t answer, even if you are watching a movie during team bonding, she has a phone in her hand.

You have a little bit of hope every time you see your phone light up, but It’s never Alessia. Jana felt asleep since a long time already when you feel your eyes being heavy. But you are scared and you are not able to fall asleep.

You lost hope to hear Alessia’s voice when the screen shine one more time. But this time it’s Alessia’s picture and you jump on your phone to answer.

“Hello?” you say, your heart beating somewhere close to your lips.

“Hi Baby” Alessia whispers. “I’m sorry, I fall asleep while looking at the movie.”

“Oh.”

Finally, you probably were overreacting. But you are relieved and that’s the most important thing for you now. Jana groans next to you before rolling on the bed to hide her face under the pillow, making you roll your eyes. To prevent any fight, you get up to get out of the room.

“Yeah. I’ll never trusted Kyra’s choice ever again.”

“Are you having a good night though?”

“I am. But everyone is asleep or going home now. I usually don’t fall asleep because I’m fighting against it to enjoy the fact that I’m with you, but I have no reason to do it today.”

She’s talking a lot, like always, but you are so glad about that. Her voice helps you to settle your nerves a little, but she easily catches that something is wrong.

“Where are you? It’s quiet around you, I thought that Spanish people were party animal?”

“Oh, they are” you answer, thinking about Jana dead asleep in the room.

“Is everything ok?”

You don’t know what to answer at that, so the next seconds are silent, and it can be stressing for Alessia maybe.

“Y/N?”

“She is here. In Barcelona. She came to Alexia’s party.”

You don’t have to name her, Alessia probably understands who you are talking about just like this. You hear her take a breath and you bite your lip hard.

“I- We talked but there was nothing more than talking, Lessi I swear. And I didn’t want to talk to her at first, but I went outside to call you and she was there all alone. I even didn’t saw her at first, but then she started to talk to me and –“

“Y/N!”

You can hear in Alessia’s voice that it’s not the first time that she tried to get your attention by calling your name. But you suddenly shut up, breathing quickly.

“Can you take a deep breath and please sit on something?”

You don’t ask how she knows that you are walking around Jana’s living room, but you listen to her and sit on the couch.

“I didn’t know she would be here” you mumble shyly.

“I guessed, I know that you would have told me if you knew. Why are you so tensed? What happened?”

What happened? Well almost nothing, now that you have her on the phone speaking to you. How can you tell her that you were stressing for nothing? You don’t want to look crazier than you are to Alessia. Sighting softly, you press your index and your thumb in your eyes.

“Y/N?”

Alessia’s voice is worried now and that the last thing you want her to be. Worried because of you.

“Nothing. It’s just… I got scared that you’ll see pictures of me and her before I talked to you about it.”

“About what?”

“Her being here” you shrug. “Like I told you, I found myself facing her without wanting it. And you know how social media work.”

There is a beam of silence, and you look at your screen to be sure that Alessia is still here.

“What have you talked about?”

“We talked about the breakup; she told me that my friends make a great work for her not being able to talk to me again after it. She said that she’s sorry for hurting me and that she’s not anymore with the girl she cheated on me with” you answer, searching in your mind if you forgot something.

Alessia snorts.

“Why in the world would she break a relationship with you with another woman to stop dating her right after?”

“She said that she remembered her how bad she treated me” you shrug. “And she said she wanted to us to start again.”

“Is it something you want?”

You regret not to have turn this call in a FaceTime earlier, Alessia’s tone is very plate, and it would have been easier to understand her feelings if you were able to have a look at her. You don’t hesitate before answering at that question though.

“No. I’m definitely over her, even if I think I still have repercussions from her behavior. But I’m not interested”

“Good”

You hear a sigh of relief, and you smile softly. Your feelings for Alessia scare you, but you know that you won’t find a more comprehensive and sweeter person in the world. You don’t know if she’s the one (you hope she is) but right now you don’t think that you could ever find someone better than Alessia Is for you.

“Can we switch on video call?” you ask shyly.

Alessia accepted easily and you are happy to see her pretty face again. She’s lying in a bed, on her stomach and everything is dark around her. She show you the room that you recognized like one of Kyra’s spare room.

“Thank you for telling me everything. It might have been hard to face her.”

“It was. But it answered some of the questions I had”

“Which ones?”

You see Alessia tilts her head and can’t help but smile at the cuteness of the girl.

“She doesn’t really explain why she cheated, but I think I understood that it wasn’t really my fault. And I learned that she actually felt bad about it, it’s probably selfish but I was happy to hear that.”

“Cheating is selfish. Wanting to feel better after being cheated on isn’t.”

Alessia’s looking at you with frown eyebrows. You know that she’s mad to Jenni about the cheating, other than that she never really met your ex-girlfriend. You’re not sure that they would get along very well anyway.

“And when she asks me if we could start to talk again and try to touch my face I – “

“I beg you pardon?”

Oh, right. You didn’t mention the almost touching part, but you only forgot. Judging by Alessia’s reaction, it seems pretty important for her. Her face is perfectly neutral, but you can see fire in her eyes.

“She tried to touch you?”

“Well, my face or my hair I don’t know. I didn’t let her though.”

Alessia just snorts in answer. She seems to be disturbed by the gesture more than all the conversation, even if Jenni said that she wanted for you to talk again. You stay silent after that, not really knowing what to add or to say.

“Are you ok? I’m sorry if it’s too much” you finally say after several time.

“Yeah. I just don’t like the idea of someone wanting to touch my- what’s-… Well, you know. You.”

You hum for only answer, looking at the blonde’s soft face. There is a light pink covering her cheeks, but you decide not to tease her about it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course” Alessia answer, trying to hide a yawn.

“Do you think that what we have is like, too much?”

“Too much what?” the blonde asks, tilting her head on the side again.

“I don’t know. Too intense, too fast?”

“No” she smiles. “I’ve waited for weeks before kissing you.”

“Yes but… We kissed for the first time only five days ago and now everything we just talked about is happening?”

“Stop me if I’m wrong but you haven’t only kissed, actually.”

“Alessia.” you answer, blushing at your turn now.

“I think I prefer when you call me Lessi” she smirks before giggling when she sees you rolling your eyes. “No to answer seriously, I don’t think it’s too much. We have our proper history and way to do things, but like every couple in the world.”

You nod softly, putting your feet on the table in front of you. You hate the way that you are not able to be sure about her statement entirely. But you don’t want to say it and take the risk to hurt her, she already has been way too understanding with you since the beginning.

“Hey” she says softly to attract your attention again. “I’m very happy with how we are doing things. And if something will bother me at some point, I’ll talk to you about it, ok?”

“Ok” you mumble back with a soft smile. “I’m sorry to be like this.”

“You don’t have to. Someone broke your trust at some point, it’s normal for you to need reassurances. I knew about it when I started to pass time with you, when we kiss and everything. I knew it was a part of you and if you let me, I will make everything for you to trust me with everything you have. And I will take care of you like you deserve it.”

The amount of love you have for this woman. You don’t know how you could translate it, to be honest. If she was next to you it would have been easier, you only would have kiss her with all the feelings you have for her.

“You’re going to make my heart explode” you can only say, really emotional about her declaration.

“Mmh we don’t want that, do we?”

You passed the next morning with Jana, Ona, Lucy and Bruna, eating a brunch on the beach. You even went into the water, even if it’s only February. It made Lucy laughs, only until Narla follows you and didn’t want to get out of the water after. Lucy had to go herself to take her out and you were the one laughing.

(Ona threatened you to send her to London if she gets sick because of it, not wanting to deal with an ill Lucy. Which you know are deep lies.)

In the afternoon, you said goodbye to Jana and the others to have quality time with Alexia. You explain to her what happened with Alessia those last days and then what happened with Jenni yesterday. She doesn’t seem surprised but she sights nevertheless. Ale explains to you that Jenni asked her several times to talk to you for her, which Alexia refused every time.

She doesn’t say that Jenni used that birthday like an excuse to be able to talk to you, but you understand it. It doesn’t make sense for you that she might have that idea and still came with her girlfriend. Alexia didn’t had any explanation, so you rather talk about something else. You teased Alexia a little about her relationship with Olga, but she gets her revenge while asking you thousands of questions about you and Alessia.

Ale’ drove you to the airport and you exchanged a hug, promising each other that you won’t let pass so much time until you saw each other again. Seems like it would be in Barcelona, because you weren’t able to convince La Reina to come in England.

You left Barcelona with your heart full of love and your suitcases full of Sangria and ham for Kyra. You slept during the trip, and you are a little lost when you arrived at London. You managed to convince Alessia to go to sleep and only come to see you tomorrow morning with the breakfast, you have training around ten, and you don’t want her to be tired because of you. So, you don’t expect anyone waiting for you.

You are in auto mode while walking to grab a taxi and go home as soon as possible. You can’t wait to take a shower and fall back asleep again. You jump out of your skin when you feel a hand grabbing your arm, even if it was very softly.

“Wha…”

You turn yourself to be facing a smirking Alessia and your mind get blank for several seconds.

“Lessi?”

“Hi” she says before kissing your cheek and hugging you.

You pass your arms around her, still a little in chock. You hadn’t expected her here, you thought that she will be at home, peacefully asleep.

“Weren’t you supposed to be in your bed right now?” you whisper during the hug.

“I just couldn’t wait to see you.”

You smile and hug her even harder. It feels like you haven’t seen her for two weeks, but it was only two days. It shows how much time you are passing together. You breath her sent with pleasure and miss her arms around you as soon as she lets you go.

“Come on, let’s go to my car so I can kiss you properly” she suddenly says, dragging you by your arm.

You laugh when you follow her, but the kisses you received after were worth it. You thought that the period where you were kissing in a car were definitively behind you, but it seems like Alessia has other ideas.

After one hour in her car, you are finally home. You abandoned Alessia the time to go to take a shower but find her in her pajama when you are crawling in your bed. You snuggle up against her, happy to have her with you even if she didn’t listen to you.

“I think that Leah and Caitlin are suspecting something about us” Alessia whispers after some minutes.

“Mh. I might have talked to Caitlin about my feelings for you before something happened” you mumble, blushing slightly.

“Oh. Made sense”

“I don’t know about Leah though” you yawn, burying your face in her neck.

“She’s just very observant I think.”

You hum, letting your body relax against Alessia’s. Your eyes are heavy, but you can see that Alessia seems pretty awake, and you want to have more minutes with her.

“I have a confession to make” Alessia says.

You take your face away of her neck to be able to have a better look at her. She doesn’t have a guilty look on her face but seems more uneasy. You feel your heartbeat getting faster, scared to learn a bad new.

“Okay?” you just answer.

“When I learned that you were going back to Barcelona. I got scared”

You are frowning now, not understanding where she wants to go. You put your head on your hand to look at her, putting your other hand on her stomach. Alessia is laying on her back, but her face is turned in your direction.

“Why?”

“I was scared that you decide to stay in Barcelona. I know you miss your friends from here and the city. That’s what was in my mind when we came back from the training ground and a big party of the night. There were all the signals you were showing me but in another hand I know that you were hurt about your past and I didn’t want to press you about anything. Maybe I don’t know how much you are hurt, but I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But then I kept thinking that maybe you wouldn’t come back, and I decided to take my chance.”

“I’m so glad you did” you smile, stroking softly her face. “I would have come back though.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh uh” you whisper before leaning on her and kissing her tenderly. “I miss Barcelona and the girls, but I missed you very much too.”

You feel her smile under your lips, and she passes her arms around you to hug you. You already explained to her your discussions with your friends back in Barcelona in her car, so you are just able to enjoy her presence against you.

It didn’t last long though; you are falling asleep only two minutes after, protected by your lover’s arms. You smile in your sleep when she kisses your head softly. You feel safe, cared and loved, even if these words have not yet been said. It won’t take long though.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Surgery IX

Mapi León x Ingrid Engen x Child!Reader

Summary: Ingrid does your hair

The first time Ingrid meets you, the only thing she can look at is your hair.

You're absolutely tiny, dressed comfortably in a pair of overalls and fancy Adidas shoes. You actually look pretty cool for such a little kid but it's the hair that has Ingrid wincing.

It's wild.

It poofs out a lion's mane and Ingrid can just spy the singular hairband desperately trying to keep it all at bay.

You have a lot of curls and a lot of frizz. It's a wonder that Mapi's even managed to scrape it all back into a ponytail.

Ingrid's hair isn't like yours. In fact, Ingrid hasn't really met anyone with hair like yours before.

Your nickname is well suited to you as you bound over to Mapi to talk, hair bouncing with every little step.

You truly have a mane of your own.

Ingrid finds herself staring at it many times over the next few weeks. She just can't help it.

There's just something about your hair that Ingrid can't just get out of her head.

She works out what exactly it is the first time she sleeps the night at Mapi's place.

It's a day off when she wakes up again so the plan is the three of you are all going out shopping together.

It's a normal day even if she's slept over at her girlfriend's so Ingrid dresses quickly and steps out into the living room.

She can hear the crying before she even walks out.

Mapi's sitting on the sofa with you on the floor in front of her.

You're in tears, howling and sobbing as Mapi runs a brush through your hair.

She looks to be nearly in tears too.

"I know," She says," I know. I'm sorry, Cub. I'm so sorry but you know you need your hair brushed."

"Ma-Mami! Mami, no!" You sob as Mapi attempts to force the brush through your curls.

Ingrid's eyes widen in shock.

She hadn't ever considered Mapi brushed your hair dry.

It doesn't look to be working well either, not with how distressed both you and Mapi appear to be.

Your hair has always been dry for as long as Ingrid's known you but now she wonders if it's like that naturally or something else.

It's a bit bad to be snooping but Ingrid can't help herself as she slips into the bathroom to have a look.

You're still sobbing by the time she comes back and Mapi's broken down in tears too.

Ingrid sits, gently stopping Mapi's brushing with a soft hand.

You wiggle away quickly, shuffling all the way to the other side of the room by your toys.

"Mapi?"

"It's fine." Mapi furiously swipes the tears from her eyes. "We're fine. Just having a bit of trouble with her hair."

"Is it usually like this?"

"We get through it."

Mapi's putting on a brave face but Ingrid can tell it's all fake. She's in tears. You're in tears.

You're both treating this like it's normal.

"New plan," She says," Leave her hair as it is. We're going to get her some things."

"For her hair? Ingrid, I have-"

"Mapi, I can tell you're trying hard but none of that stuff in your bathroom is suited to her hair."

"My Mama said-"

"Does your mum have straight hair?"

"Yes."

"Trust me, Mapi. Curly hair needs more looking after. Come on. Get her dressed and I'll show you."

Mapi wasn't quite convinced at first but upon seeing just how large the range of curly haired products was, she firmly shut up unless it was to translate Ingrid's words to the store attendant.

Together, they manage to fill the basket with things Mapi's never even seen before and suddenly she's sitting in her own living room again watching Ingrid wrangle you back into position on the floor.

Hair brushing is your least favourite time of the day combined with saying goodbye to Bagheera and being put down for bed.

Eventually though, with the promise of baking later on in the day, you sit nicely for Ingrid with some documentary about cats playing on the tv.

"Okay."

Ingrid pulls out a bottle of spray.

"Don't brush her hair if it's dry." Ingrid sprays liberally until your hair is suitably wet and is no longer big and bushy. "So we've got a wide-toothed comb which I think we should use for more everyday kind of brushing but we're going to use this-" She holds up the new detangling brush "-To get all the knots out."

Mapi watches attentively as Ingrid separates a chunk of your hair and starts at the bottom rather than the top.

It's a bit weird to you as Ingrid glides the brush through your hair. She doesn't tug or pull like usually happens so it's a bit strange for you.

Hair brushing has always been a very bad experience for you and Mami. There's usually a lot of tears and screaming and crying but it's still a lot better than when Abuela did your hair once.

She complained a lot when it happened and said mean things like your hair was 'untameable' and 'horrible to brush'. You think she meant it in a joking way because she and Abuelo were laughing and teasing each other but you can still remember the way she said that she might tell your Mami to 'cut it all off and start again'.

You know she was joking around and she wasn't actually going to tell Mami that but she still said it and you still remembered it.

She said that if you were any older than she would sit you in front of her and just straighten it all.

You love your mane though, even though it hurts to brush and it's bushy and big.

Mami loves your mane too, she's told you so lots of times. She says it's very beautiful and makes you look fierce like a real life lion.

You think Ingrid must love your hair too because she's being so gentle and so nice with it. Her hands are soft and the brush doesn't pull or snag much.

You like the feeling of her brushing your hair and your eyes droop a little.

It's almost as nice as getting back scratches.

Mapi sits in awe behind you as Ingrid massages some moisturising product into your now tamed hair.

"We could probably just put her hair up in braids to help protect it when she's going about her day," Ingrid says," It'll keep it nice and neat and no knots until we get home."

"You're good at this," Mapi says. She's still slightly in shock at how well Ingrid's doing with this all.

"I..." Ingrid's face turns red. "I did a lot of research. Her hair is so nice. I want her to love it."

Mapi laughs a little, looking down at where you're fast asleep, leaning back against Ingrid's legs.

"If you keep sending her to sleep every time you brush it then I'm sure she will."

[xxchumanixx]

Thought Contagion

Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: After a one night stand he ghosted you. When forced to talk, the lines slowly start to blur. Warnings/Tags: hurt, angst, fluff in the end, mentions of a one night stand, reader has the ability to communicate via thoughts and move objects Word count: 4.397 Authors note: I just love him. Do I need to say more? It's 4 am, and I'm dead. So this might make no sense at all, but hey I somehow managed to write this delusional on tiredness.

Dr. Raynor's office

The clock on the wall ticked steadily, almost matching your heartbeat.

"Did you dream of him again?" she wanted to know, eyes closely watching you.

"No, I haven't dreamt of him in a long time now... but he contacted me." you gave back, fingers interlocked, fumbling with each other.

"Did he call you? Text?"

"No, he contacted me through my thoughts."

"That he can do?"

"When the will is there, yes."

"There has to be a deep connection between you for him to do that."

"No... not anymore."

"So there was a connection."

"Was. It doesn't exist anymore."

"What happened between you two?"

"We slept with each other. And after he left without me noticing, I never heard of him again."

She nodded to herself, carefully considering what you told her.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"I've had feelings for him for almost ten years now."

You knew it wasn't right, not like this. When you first saw him, it was at the museum, Steve telling you everything about him. How brave he was, courageous and caring. How he looked after Steve, when no one else was left.

You developed feelings for someone who didn't even exist anymore, at least that was what everyone thought.

Who would have known, that he was still alive, breathing and killing.

"Do you know him this long?" she asked, head tilted.

"No. I met him, after Steve brought him back. I was there, when they brought him to Wakanda and I visited him during his rehabilitation. Then, when Thanos blib'd us, he was gone. And after he returned a few months ago, it just happened. I don't know if it was frustration, after Steve left us, or what else it was, but we lost control for a moment."

"Control over what? Your feelings?"

"He doesn't have any feelings for me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Why do you think he ghosted me?" you chuckled dryly, brows furrowed as you looked at her like she was an alien.

You had to bite your lip not to snarl at her, send biting words her way. She was only trying to help you, had been for a few months now.

But sometimes, she didn't seem to understand you.

"Maybe because he was scared? Didn't know how to handle his feelings?" she suggested, cocking a brow.

"No, James Barnes doesn't have such feelings - only sadness and anger." you told her, the bitter feeling of guilt stinging on your tongue.

"Was it these feelings, that led to him sleeping with you? His anger, his sadness?"

"A moment of weakness, nothing more."

She wrote something into her notebook, before she tapped her pen on the paper. "What did he want?"

"He wanted me to help him."

You flinched, when suddenly a sharp pain tore through your head.

What the hell?

"Y/N?"

You believed you heard a voice, one that sounded painfully familiar.

"Y/N?" There it was again, and you sighed shakily, feelings starting to mix in a dangerous cocktail. "James?" you answered in a thought, eyes closing, as you tried not to betray your feelings with a quiver of your voice.

It must have taken him a lot to contact you through your thoughts.

You were a telepath, able to communicate via thoughts, as well as moving objects through the air. But it took a lot of willpower, to contact you through your thoughts, especially when it was over such a great distance.

And by someone like James Buchanan Barnes.

"Oh thank god." you heard him mumble, as your belly churned.

After you've spent the night together and he left, you hadn't heard from him. Why would he contact you like that of all ways? Why contact you at all?

"What do you want?" you returned coldly, teeth gritted, as you sat up in bed. You were just about to sleep, already tucked under your covers, when he contacted you.

The anger bubbling up in your stomach made it hard for you to concentrate, but the curiosity was the slightest bit stronger.

"I need your help."

Eyes widening, you fumed. Hands clenched into fists, the books in the bookcase started to rattle, trinkets threatening to tumble over.

Oh, the nerve he had - he had to be fucking kidding you.

"You need my help?" you seethed, not able to contain the angry chuckle that escaped your lips. "You have to be kidding me."

It was silent for a few moments and you started to think he might have cut the connection, when you heard him sigh.

"I-" he started, but was cut off by another voice. "What are you doing?" you heard the voice ask - Sam. "Are you praying or something?"

You could basically hear Bucky's eyes roll in their sockets, as he sighed angrily. "No, I'm not." he retorted, scoffing. "I'm-" he cut himself off this time, most likely rubbing the stubble on his chin. "I'm talking to Y/N."

It was silent for another moment, before you heard Sam again. "How? Where's your phone? Or are you communicating through prayers?"

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head.

"Forgot that she can communicate via thought?" Bucky gave back, sounding fed up. "That's possible?" Sam sounded surprised. "Over this distance? What do you want from her anyways? Thought you guys aren't talking."

Cocking a brow you huffed, and you heard Bucky stutter incoherently, eventually finding his words. "No- I-I mean, yes. We need her help if we want to find them!"

"Find whom?" you wanted to know, scrambling for the laptop that was under your bed, flipping it open, despite your better judgement. "What happened anyways?" Sam questioned, his curiosity getting the best of him.

Since when were they teaming up?

"Did you hear about the group 'Flagsmashers'?" Bucky asked, focusing back on you. "Of course, do you think I live under a rock?" you scoffed in return.

He rolled his eyes, you swear he did.

"Well, they plan something big and we can't find them." he explained, ignoring Sam who was still demanding an answer. "We need satellite pictures or video or whatever. Sharon can't hack into them."

"Sharon?" you retorted, huffing. You hadn't seen her since she had to flee, now knowing why. She must have holed up wherever Sam and Bucky where. "What makes you think I have access to satellites wherever you are?"

He hesitated, as you grew impatient.

"And what exactly makes you think I'd help you?"

He must have been very desperate if he contacted you of all people.

"After all I thought we weren't talking?"

He was frustrated, you could tell. You could feel it seeping into your bones.

"They are killing dozens of innocent people!" he explained, anger and frustration filtering through his voice. "Could you please help us? I wouldn't ask if I had another option."

I wouldn't ask you of all people.

"Already on it." you mumbled, as you were already typing on your laptop, telling yourself you were doing this for the innocent people he mentioned, ignoring your aching heart.

The group he was talking about was all over the news lately, gathering more followers each day. They were a threat, and no matter how much you despised talking to Bucky, you knew you had to help them.

Going through the various pictures, you scanned them for the group. "Found 'em." you announced, zooming in on a picture.

"I'll send Sam the location."

Bucky made a noise like he wanted to protest, say something like 'Why not sent it to me?', but he must have remembered that you weren't talking.

"Thank you." you heard him mutter, before he abruptly cut the connection, leaving you wide awake.

Closing your eyes you tried to hold back the tears. It was pointless crying over him, you did for a while now.

It never changed anything for you.

But, as Bucky was forming a plan with Sam, he could hear it clear as day - the single sob that managed to spill, leaving him wondering if he really heard it, or if he just imagined it.

"Did you help him?" Dr. Raynor asked, brows furrowed. She as well had heard about the group of terrorists, and she had talked to Sam and Bucky not long ago.

"I had to." you retorted, huffing.

"Why? Because he asked you to?"

"Because it was the right thing to do."

"Because of this group they are trying to stop?"

"Yes."

She nodded to herself, biting her cheek.

"How do you feel about John Walker being the new Captain America?"

Your eyes snapped to hers, hands stopping their trembling. "Don't call him that."

"Why not? Doesn't he fit your expectations?"

You chuckled dryly, smirking at her. "My expectations?" you wanted to know, leaning forward with a cocked brow. "Steven Grant Rogers was my best friend. He was my anchor, and when he left, living a life in the past with Peggy Carter, he fulfilled his greatest wish. Do I hate him for leaving me behind? Yes, I do. But I support him and his decision nonetheless. He gave the shield to Sam, who gave it away. Who am I to have expectations, when my biggest hope of someone worthy stepping into these massive footprints has been so utterly disappointed?"

Her forehead creased in thought, tapping the pen on the notebook again. The sound was so familiar already, that you had started to ignore it a long time ago.

"John Walker is said to be a good man. Don't you think he will make a good replacement for Captain America?"

"He can be good all he wants, wear the medals he obtained with pride - but he'll never be like us. The Avengers, people that gave everything for others, never once thinking about ourselves. Did we get any medals when we stopped Thanos? When Tony undid the blib, sacrificing himself? No. My best friend - my sister - died, forcing my dad to forever feel guilty for not dying in her place. Can she be replaced? No. Just as Steve can't be replaced. But Sam was the best option to be the next Cap."

"You're dad?"

"Clint. He took me under his wing almost fifteen years ago. He's the dad I never had."

She nodded, scribbling something down again.

"Will you talk to him again?"

Your brows furrowed, remembering the conversation you had with your dad only this morning.

"James."

Sighing, you leaned back against the cushions again, crossing your arms over your chest.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why not?" you repeated her words, anger bubbling up yet again, as your eyes widened in disbelieve. "James Buchanan Barnes ghosted me after we had sex, only contacting me to get my help. After that, he ghosted me again. And you're asking why not?"

She heaved a sigh, glancing at her watch only to see that she had another thirty minutes with you.

It wasn't that she didn't like you, but you reminded her of Bucky in your stubborn and deflective ways.

"Maybe you should." she spoke, tilting her head. "Talk to him, demand answers as to why exactly he ghosted you."

Scoffing, you stood, feeling the sudden urge to leave, get the hell out of there.

"Sit." she demanded sharply, the tapping of her pen coming to a halt.

Groaning, you did.

"Why don't you help them in trying to stop this group of terrorists for starters?" she suggested, leaning forwards on her elbows, that were resting on her thighs. "And maybe you can talk to him afterwards."

You laughed at her suggestion, declaring her insane.

But you couldn't deny the aching in your heart at the prospect.

You yearned for his touch, his scent, his voice. The way his fingertips ghosted over your skin, lips brushing over the shell of your ear as he whispered sweet nothings into it, hips connecting with yours over and over again.

Dr. Raynor smirked, like she was able to read your thoughts. She wasn't, though she still seemed to know exactly what you were thinking.

Cheeks reddening, you cleared your throat, deciding that you were in need of another topic.

"How was your weekend?"

____

You hated this.

Why exactly did she manage to convince you to follow them, again?

You were late, seeing as the whole scene was crowded, the Flagsmashers already captured, their leader dead. She was a young girl, barely old enough to drink legally.

You were standing at the rear of the ambulance, watching Sam and Bucky who were stood at the front, backs turned towards you. They didn't know you were there yet, talking to each other.

Your heart was thundering in your chest, and you were scared Bucky could hear it with his super soldier hearing.

You were contemplating if you should turn around and hurry the fuck out of there, but it was too late, when they turned instead, heading towards you.

They hadn't seen you yet, but when Sam looked up, his steps faltered, causing Bucky to look your way as well. He stopped dead in his tracks, jaw slack, before it clenched.

Sam hesitantly closed the distance, whilst Bucky was glued to the spot.

"Hey." he voiced, glancing back at the frozen super soldier. "I'll leave you to talk."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You should."

He patted you on the shoulder, before he left for someone that called out to him.

Your hands trembled, your whole body trembled, as you both stared at each other. Neither of you knew what to say, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

"Should have expected you to turn up here." he muttered, and you scoffed. "Believe me, I'm not here because I wanted to be." you retorted as equally cold, shoving your hands into the pockets of your jacket.

He cocked a brow, mimicking the movement, his arm reflecting the light. "Why are you here then?" he wanted to know, fighting the urge to lean against the ambulance.

He didn't want to come over as relaxed, because he definitely wasn't with you standing in front of him.

Not anymore.

He hadn't expected you to show up, he had hoped you wouldn't.

"I wanted to see if you need more help with the Flagsmashers." you explained, looking past him. "You already helped enough with the location." he returned, unwavering.

Nodding, you bit your lip, looking away.

He was shoving you away, again.

"Well, then I suppose I will go." you spoke, swallowing. "Should have expected not to be welcomed."

You didn't mean to say it out loud, really. It just slipped through somehow.

His brows furrowed, eyes narrowing. "Welcomed?" he asked, taking a step closer as his head tilted. "No one invited you. You didn't need to come."

Huffing, you nodded again.

"Well, and no one invited you." you retorted sharply, looking back up at him. "Yet you came as well, before you left without a word."

His jaw clenched, teeth gritted.

"But hey, lets not talk about it, its not worth mentioning anyways."

You wanted to scratch his ego, your own lying broken in a corner. It worked, as he took another step closer, head tilted. Lowering his voice, he spoke exactly what you were expecting him to.

"Didn't sound not 'worth mentioning' it, considering the way you cried my name out for everyone in the building to hear."

You shivered involuntarily, trying not to let him see, though.

He wasn't wrong, but you wouldn't have him know that.

"Really? Maybe I'm just a good actress."

He scoffed, chuckling dryly.

"Just as good as you're at sneaking out."

He fumed at your words, face hardening. His arm whirred quietly, so hard he must have been clenching his hands into fists.

You stared each other down, as your heart silently begged for you to stop. But you were caught in the moment, caught in your anger and hurt.

When neither of you said anything for a good minute, you shook your head and turned around, starting to walk away.

You should have known he wouldn't talk to you.

"Do you think it was easy?" he shouted after you, causing you to halt in your movement.

"Do you think it was easy? After everything that happened, being turned to dust, returning, only for Steve to leave me behind?"

You turned back around, scoffing. "He didn't leave only you." you reminded him, voice harsh. "He left Sam and I as well. He left us all behind, staying in the past to spend his life with Peggy - the only wish he ever had. He was selfish, yes, but he knew we'd manage."

He shook his head, biting his cheek.

"I failed him."

You couldn't help but laugh, frustration growing thicker. "Why do you think so?"

His eyes were glued to the floor, before he looked back up at you.

"I tried, but I didn't manage." he explained, taking a step closer, partly closing the distance you had created. "I spiraled downwards, losing control. I-" he cut himself off, eyes flitting to the sky above you, as he licked his lips, before he looked back at you.

"I lost the little ounce of control I had left when I let you in." he continued, shaking his head, as he bit down on his cheek, the sting momentarily distracting him from his raging heart. "When we- when we spent that night together, I panicked. I hadn't done something like that since the forties, and I didn't want to drag you down into the hole I was falling into."

You had to swallow, eyes stinging, even though you did your best to ignore it.

"And what about me?" you wanted to know, clearing your throat, as your voice quivered. "What about the hole I was falling into?"

His jaw ticked, and he swallowed.

When he didn't answer, you continued.

"You left me behind, in the moment I was the most vulnerable. I needed you, and you left - as well."

He shook his head, hand brushing through his hair. "You don't need me."

"I shouldn't need you." you corrected him, shaking your head with a frown, as you took a step closer. "When Steve first told me about you, showing me your picture at the museum I knew I was done for. Hell, when you stood in front of me, breathing and not dead, like you were believed to be, I thought I was dreaming. I envied Steve, because he made you sound like the best person on earth."

He scoffed, but didn't interrupt you further, eyes downcast.

"I wanted to get to know you, wanted to see if Steve was right." you continued, fighting a smile, losing. "He was, and when we spent more time together, I started to see what he saw. And then you turned into dust. The whole world tilted, for five years. You were gone, Sam, my dad and my whole family suddenly vanished. And when you returned I was so happy - only for you to leave me again. I know it probably didn't mean anything to you, but for me it did."

You breathed in shakily, stopping your own rambling, heart hammering in your chest, threatening to break through.

"You're wrong." he muttered, swallowing, as he locked eyes with you. "It did mean something to me - it meant the whole world to me. You didn't judge me, no matter what I did. You made me forget. You where there the whole time, accompanying me the whole way. But when Steve-" he choked on his breath, shaking his head with tears glistening in his eyes.

"I lost it. And I couldn't risk bringing you in harms way - my way. I didn't want to hurt you."

Sniffing, you bit on your cheek, almost drawing blood.

"But you did." you whispered, tears making your eyes burn, blurring your sight. "You did, when you pushed me away. You where the only constant I had left, and you pushed me away."

He nodded, sniffing as well. "I know, doll." he spoke, biting his lip. "I know."

Even though you felt a weight lift from your shoulders, it didn't feel as relieving as it should have. A tear fell, but you didn't brush it away.

You fell silent, lost in thought.

Somehow, you just confessed your feelings to him, stripped them bare for him to see. Leaving you even more vulnerable.

Your fingers tapped on your thigh in a nervous habit, wishing you could read Bucky's mind. Even though you were able to communicate via thought, you weren't actually able to read other peoples thoughts.

"Will you forgive me?" he suddenly rasped out, eyes staying a second longer on the ground, before they found yours, hope glistening in them. He sounded so broken, so vulnerable, like you never heard him before.

"Please, Y/N."

You swallowed at the nerves bubbling up, slowly starting to nod. "Yes, Bucky." you breathed out, sniffing. "Yes, I forgive you."

How were you supposed to stay angry at him, after what he just told you? After everything that had happened?

He breathed a sigh of relief, nodding to himself, as his eyes closed for a moment.

A tear slipped past his eyelashes, and he bit his lip. You had only seen him cry once, causing you to inhale shakily at the memory.

He wiped at the salty liquid, before his eyes opened again, his feet taking him closer to you, until he was as close as he was the last time you had seen him in person.

You could smell his familiar cologne, feel the heat his body radiated.

His flesh fingers hesitantly moved, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of your face, softly cupping your cheek. The action made you shiver, goosebumps covering your arms, as you leaned into his warm touch the slightest bit, eyes locked onto his blue ones.

"I'm so sorry, doll." he rasped out, eyes fighting to stay on yours. "I did what I thought was best for you, but I know now, that I was wrong. I'm having nightmares again, but I'm working on it. I'm working on everything, trying to get a bit of the old me back to life - the one Steve had told you all these stories about."

You knew about his nightmares, even though they were different now, thanks to the Dora Milaje who had managed to free him of the Winter Soldier state.

He didn't turn into him anymore, not for the briefest of moments. Something he would forever be grateful for.

"I'm an idiot." he mumbled, eyes leaving yours, his hand leaving your face, falling back at his side with his head downcast. "I never should have left - never should have let this happen. I should have listened to Dr. Raynor."

You cocked a brow at his words, head tilting to somehow meet his gaze. "What do you mean?"

He sighed heavily, swallowing, as his nerves got the best of him. "I mean that I should have talked to you, instead of just leaving you behind." he explained, tongue brushing over his lip, hesitating. "Should have told you how I feel."

You inhaled sharply, hands starting their nervous trembling at your sides again.

"What do you feel?" you managed to breathe out, and his eyes met yours again, the intensity of his gaze stealing your breath.

His lips parted, only for his tongue to wet them again. He searched for the right words, soon giving up and opting for the simpler option instead.

"I love you, Y/N."

Your breathing hitched, heart stumbling, before it doubled its speed.

"You're pure, soft and so lovingly." he continued, hands cupping your face. There the words were. "You never once judged me, not even in my darkest hours. You're the thing that kept me going, made me push through to get rid of the Winter Soldier. I wanted to be better - for you. But I fucked up, so badly. I fell into an old habit, pushing you away so you wouldn't get hurt, but instead I did exactly that: hurting you. And I'm a fucking coward for pushing you away, and not pulling you closer instead, now that I'm actually able to."

Words had left you, only tears managed to spill. He brushed them away with his thumbs, one cold and one warm, yet they were both so soft.

His eyes closed, forehead brushing yours. Your eyes fluttered closed as well, breathing him in.

"Working with Sam on this distracted me enough to forget it for a moment." he spoke quietly, leaving you to wonder how exactly that had happened. "But I was selfish when I contacted you, asking for help. I wanted to hear your voice, even if you would have just shouted at me, telling me to never talk to you again."

You bit your lip, more tears falling.

"I would have never." you told him, eyes squinting, even though they were already closed. "I love you too much."

His body moved abruptly, a sob breaking through his lips. It was one of relief and deep shame.

He nodded, his forehead leaving yours to press kisses to your face. Your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, until he finally met your lips with his own.

You tasted the salty remnants of your combined tears on your lips, but neither of you cared. Hands wrapping around his neck, brushing through his hair, you tugged him closer.

Something wet hit your cheek, but you couldn't tell if it were your tears, or his.

His hands on your cheeks tilted your head back, deepening the kiss. His tongue brushed yours, an action so soft it left you yearning for more.

When his lips left yours, you sighed, eyes slowly opening to meet his blue ones. His lips were kiss swollen, but so were yours.

"He took the shield." Bucky breathed out with shining eyes, fingers dancing through your hair. Nodding, you couldn't help but smile. "I know. Finally."

He chuckled quietly, before his lips connected with yours again.

"Now that this mission is complete, I'm all yours." he promised, forehead meeting yours again. "I won't ever do the mistake of pushing you away again, I promise."

You smiled, feeling the tears return, happy ones this time.

"I'm yours." he repeated, lips meeting your cheek. "I'm yours."

"I know." you returned, eyes fluttering closed.

"And I'm yours."

[shadow4-1]

Your hubby let u sleep with his friends ??? okkk girll i see you living the life we all want too (share ur secrets😣)

Oops I forgot I said that. Well...yes it's true. I've slept with a handful of my husband's friends (all of it was talked about beforehand, planned out, etc.)

Both my husband and I are bisexual. All of his friends he's had for years - since they were babies pretty much. They're all exceptionally close and they've experimented a lot together before I ever even came into the picture.

Besides my husband, none of them have girlfriends or wives (they're all in their late 20s now). I used to think it was a red flag but now I just realize they're all just tied to each other and fulfil their emotional needs that way. In fact, two of them are identical twins. They were suspicious when they met me at first (but after I witnessed a couple of them kissing my husband, let's just say they quickly came to realize I was definitely the girl for him).

(This picture is almost 10 years old. That's my husband in the blue jacket with half his friend group. We went out to a club, so all of us were piss drunk in the back of that taxi.)

Now, I'm not going to generalize Scottish men/people. I'm just going to give ya'll a rundown on what I've learned/observed over my multiple trips to Scotland. I've noticed that they tend to -

- Be chivalrous. Not a single guy I met (husband or otherwise) was rude or didn't use his manners the whole time I was there. And if they were amongst friends they had no issue with calling each other out for their bad behavior. Now that, that was nice to see. (So, yes, Soap's definitely has his manners and knows how to follow decorum well.)

- Be loud. Almost every man I met was boisterous and bright. Even the quiet ones (once I got them to talk) were animated. The culture over there is different than America (where I'm from), everyone seems to know everyone. So no one is seemingly scared of "strangers", they're usually pretty curious. (So, yes, Soap's talkative and interesting personality checks out.)

- Fight. Now, this one is because I spent a lot of time in bars. Again, unlike America, it's different. They don't carry guns (maybe a knife but even that's not the norm). Usually it's just a lot of posturing, yelling, and intimidation. But, if they actually decide to swing, usually the crowd will break it up and/or throw them outside. Fighting over there is kind of seen as a necessary evil. (So, yes, when they say Soap is a bit of a hot head and hops into fights I can definitely confirm it.)

- Welcome with open arms. I'm a plus size POC and most of the people you'll find in Scotland are Caucasian. You'd think there'd be some friction between me and the locals, but no. Not once was I ever treated unfairly by anyone. In fact, people loved to chat with me. I spent a lot of my time talking with strangers. (So, yes, Soap not batting an eye at Ghost and his ridiculous get up is on brand. He cares much more about getting to know the person underneath.)

I could go on. Maybe one day I'll be able to live my retirement years in Scotland. It's beautiful and green and walkable. Also they have Irn Bru, Jammie Dodgers, and my absolute favorite - Bairns Sausage Rolls. I'd immigrate just for those haha!

So yeah, I know a think or two, and Soap is a pretty great Scottish representation in my opinion. My husband is indifferent to him but maybe it's because he seems the similarities haha. If you want to hear more about my trysts I have no problem sharing! I've seen a lot and done alot in my short time here on Earth and trust me when I say I'm not stopping anytime soon! 😂

[dilfdemolisher]

PERSEPHONE - CHAPTER THREE

“Persephone, queen of the underworld. Hades runs Hell, but she’s in charge of punishment.”

Series Summary: A serial killer who works with the police herself has a tumultuous past with Jack Crawford and his new profiler Will Graham. While trying to rebuild what she once broke Hannibal Lecter sticks himself in the middle of the few things she cares about - Comments and critiques are encouraged.

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, dead bodies, murder that is very female targeted, canon character death, smut, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex, creampie

Word Count: 9.5k (yes you read that right…I'm sorry)

The sterile walls of the hallway close in around you as you make your way towards the autopsy room. "Agent," a familiar voice calls out behind you.

"I'm not your 'Agent' anymore, Jack," you say, wincing as you turn to face him. You were never officially an agent; Jack only started calling you that when you began sticking your nose into his cases.

"Force of habit," he deflects, his tone unusually soft for him. "I need to talk to you."

You glare at him, hoping he'll get straight to the point. The last thing you want is for Jack to drag you into his office, which always feels like a principal's office—the prelude to a lecture you’d rather avoid.

"I'd like you to resume therapy," he says finally.

Your heart sinks. "No."

"Bloom knows a therapist in Baltimore-"

You cut him off with a bitter laugh. "Are you serious? The last time I took her advice, I ended up tied to a chair and tortured. I'll pass."

"Dr. Lecter is one of the best in his field. She recommended him when I expressed my concerns." He tries to reason. 

Is he serious? "So, you discussed your concerns about me with her first instead of just asking me if I felt I needed help?"

"It's not about what you want. If you’re going to continue working on this case, you need a psychological evaluation."

Frustrated, you turn away and continue down the hallway. This is such bullshit. You don't need therapy. "I'll pass, Jack, but I appreciate your concern," you dismissively yell over your shoulder, not slowing your pace.

The moment you enter the room, everyone's eyes fall on your frame. The three in lab coats momentarily feeze while Will quickly makes eye contact before his gaze shifts to behind you and paces out of the room. 

“Were you honest when you said you two never dated—hell even slept together because this is awkward.” He says in an awful attempt to break the awkward silence.

“Any close relationship that didn’t leave on a positive note can cause tension, not just romantic ones, Price.” You state. 

Beverly clears her throat. “So Will thinks the killer is eating the girls. Elise's liver was removed and then put back in place; the killer did that after he realized she had liver cancer.”

“We also found metal shavings on her body,” Zeller chimes in. 

You sigh. “It’s plausible. It creates a very vivid image of this man. He…cares for these girls in his own twisted way. He’d view their consumption as an act of devotion, most likely a waste if he didn't. It’s a hunter's mentality; if there's anything left of these girls, it’s most likely fragments. Hair stuffed in pillows, bones made into various things—he wouldn't waste. If he is a hunter, he most likely has a dedicated space to this, a shed, probably doesn't live in the city.” You propose.

You’re met with silence for a moment before Beverly speaks once again. “I can’t believe you were never a profiler.” She shakes her head and smiles. 

"Well, I momentarily am of sorts now.” You raise your arms forward and wiggle your fingers.  “Maybe I understand him so well because I am him.” You say it in an unserious tone. 

She rolls her eyes playfully. "Hmm, yeah, I'm real scared.” You didn't even realize how much you missed Bev until now. 

"Well, is that all?” You ask. 

"Yup, that's it.” Brain tells you before grabbing something behind him. “I’ll be off then.” You smile and walk out the door.

2 YEARS EARLIER

Jack’s call came twenty minutes ago, his voice clipped and urgent. “Another one.” That was all he said, but it was enough. It wasn't just another body, not a one-off murder. He made it clear by his simple lack of words that this was connected. 

During the entirety of your drive, your heart couldn't stop beating. The dull vibration filling your ears and pounding your chest overwhelmed you so much that you felt relieved at the red stop lights, giving you a moment to collect your barring's. Jack pulled up at the same time, his grim expression mirroring your own.

As he approached, his words were drowned out by your internal rhythm. But when Jack opened the door into the room, your body finally went quiet, and you finally feel like you’re alive again—living in the present. 

A woman's body lay sprawled on the cheap, stained bed, blood soaking deep into the mattress. Your gaze travelled over her naked form, legs spread wide in a provocative display. Decaying vines twisted around her ankles and the bed frame, their dark, withered tendrils contrasting against her greying skin. It was a brutal, degrading spectacle.

There is a precise incision right above her pelvis, which is mostly one of the reasons why her entire torso is covered in her own blood, except her breasts. They look as if they were deliberately cleaned, the pink hue still lightly remaining on her skin. 

Her mouth is slightly agape; something inside it is forcing her jaw unnaturally wide. Compelled by a mix of horror and professional detachment, your feet move towards her. You hear Jack say something but it becomes mute when you hear your heartbeat pick up again.

Your gloved hand delicately touches her jaw; now, closer, you can see her features. Up close, her traits become clearer. She’s unremarkable—plain, even. A white, brunette woman of heavy European descent with a slim build. It’s odd to think how un-special she may have been in life but now, in death, she's a spectacle.

Gently, you pry her jaw open, revealing a small, fleshy mass inside. You look towards Jack in confusion and ask, “Can I pull it out?” 

Crawford gives a small nod and moves beside you. You give the object a small pull and it doesn't budge. “You hold her jaw; I’ll pull it out.” Jack says while looking at the strangulation marks on her neck. 

You move your hands and the man pulls. You watch him struggle between delicately grasping it and forcefully yanking it. 

You adjust your grip, one hand on her lower teeth and the other on the upper, pulling them apart. Jack pulls a bit harder; you watch as it starts to slide out, and just when you think its going to be stuck once again, Jack gives a final, forceful yank, and the object comes free.

Jack is holding the woman's uterus. 

“What the fuck?” you exclaim. Momentarily forgetting you two weren't the only ones in the room. Someone behind him brings an evidence bag to Jack, where he drops the organ inside the plastic. 

All eyes shift to the incision on her torso. Another forensic tech steps forward with metal forceps, his face pale but determined. He fiddles with the cut, and when he finally pries it open. You hear others gasp but you're still trying to compute the sight of the mess inside. At first, it looks like a jumble of smooth, misplaced intestines—until you recognize the pattern.

Scales. Snakes.

She’s been hollowed out, and her uterus has been replaced with dead serpents.

PRESENT DAY

It’s been days, and still nothing. The most frustrating part of working in a field that is centered around solving crimes is the cruel irony that sometimes you need more evidence to build a profile—to move forward at all. You've heard about Jack narrowing down the search by identifying the specific metal found on Elise's body, but you honestly couldn't care less.

You deluded yourself into believing that taking on this case was a selfless act, but your defenses are crumbling. You’re here for Will to glue together what was once broken. But you’ve never fucked up on this scale before, and you don’t know how to fix it. Your fingers stick together from your messy revival attempts, and the toxic fumes cloud your mind. Why did you think it was a good idea to show up at his house?

A knock at your door—your own door—in Baltimore interrupts your spiraling thoughts.

No one called to warn you of an appearance; your overactive work brain can't shut off even now, envisioning an ax murderer standing outside your home.

How comical.

"Open up, it’s Crawford." Jack’s voice is muffled but unmistakable. Not an ax murderer; that makes more sense considering it’s 10 AM and you live in an apartment building. Unless he’s here for other reasons, maybe he knows and wants to give you a chance to explain yourself before slapping handcuffs around your wrists.

Unsure how to navigate this possible confrontation, you blurt out the stupidest thing: "Why?"

“Because I need to talk to you,” he shouts impatiently. 

With a sigh, you walk to the door and begin to unlock it. “That’s what my number is for. I thought showing up at my workplace was invasive, but this is—” Your words cut off as you opened the door.

“Who are you?” you ask, your eyes shifting to the unfamiliar man standing beside Jack.

"I’m Dr. Lecter. Jack has asked me to assist in this case, similar to you," he says with a polite smile, more out of courtesy than genuine pleasure.

You recognize the name from Bloom. She mentioned him plenty of times, but this isn’t how you envisioned meeting him. It reminds you of when, after the "incident," as she likes to call it, she recommended him to you and offered to call him. You declined.

"Okay." Your glare bounces between the two men. Jack's scowl deepens while the doctor’s eyes remain fixed on you. You're not sure if he’s blinked once since you opened the door.

Jack groans and begins to speak. “I want you to speak to a professional for a psychological evaluation. I already told you this.”

You’re taken aback by his intrusion. “I’m sorry, is this an intervention?” Crawford opens his mouth to speak, but you continue before he can justify himself.

“This is ridiculous. First, you begged me to help you on this case, and now you're doubting my sanity?” 

You focus on maintaining eye contact with Jack, not fully seeing the doctor's face beside him, but through your blurry peripheral vision, it looks like amusement. What an asshole.

“I’m not doubting your sanity; I’m clearing this up for legal reasons.”

It’s bullshit, and you know it. “You know what I think, Jack? I think you’re scared of another fuck-up.” You bite, “You lost Miriam, and then, because of a lack of diligence on your part, you almost lost another one of your worker bees. And you just can’t handle another tragedy like that again.”

Jack opens and closes his mouth, more-so shocked by how cold you were to him than anything. You’ve been pissy before, but nothing like that.

It’s harsh and untrue; what happened to you or Miriam isn’t Jack's fault, but that’s not the point. You wanted to strike him where it hurts most. He confided in you about his guilt during the aftermath of your incident, and using it against him is cruel, but that’s what you’re going for, and it clearly worked.

Your gaze finally directs to Lecter, “I’m sorry for wasting your time, but I think it’s best you both leave.” 

As you swing your door shut, you see him smile. This time, it’s genuine. His crow's feet become prominent, and his top lip slides up to reveal his pointed canines. You much prefer his disingenuous smile to the one where he looks at you like a pretty little doll who just did a party trick.

2 YEARS EARLIER

The victim, a model named Clare Greene, her once beautiful face beaten until her nose lay flat across her face. Blood pools around her head from her slashed throat, soaking into the plush carpet that her back lies on. In both of her hands rest two magazines; she’s on the front cover of both. 

As you approach the body closer to snap another picture, you notice the defense wounds her wrists bore. “Who found her?” You ask, not to anyone specific; you just let the words come out of your mouth with hopes of an answer. 

“Her fiancé, ma'am. Ethan Kingsley, he was supposed to meet her for breakfast; when she didn’t show up, he came here to check on her.” The officer beside her answers.

You nod, your eyes scanning the room. Broken glass glittered on the floor near the bar; an overturned chair in the corner; the place was covered in blood splatters. 

“Jack!” You shout, hoping to get his attention. 

You hear his footsteps before you see him. “What?” He asks. 

“There's a fine mist of blood over here, most likely a result of her severed artery.” You say while motioning to your neck, “All across the back wall right there. The fatal blow happened here—then she stumbled onto the carpet, where she collapsed, and he started beating her. She was either unconscious or already dead when he started so he did it for the sake of it.” You explain. 

You move closer to her. “The long, linear streaks of blood that fan out from her indicate she was also stabbed before he started beating her. The angle and distribution suggest he was standing above her—not straddling and swinging the weapon in a very vertical downward motion.”

You continue as you lead Jack towards the bar area. “These smaller, less-directed spots are all scattered around this area. I think the first attack was here, but she put her forearms up to block it and ran, leaving the droplets behind as she ran.” You say while mimicking an X with your forearms, “It also matches the shallow defensive wounds right below her elbow; it didn’t go too deep; it seems like a very light slash.” 

Jack nods, quite for a moment. “Okay.” 

Not satisfied with his response, you say, “This is bad, Jack; four murders and no suspects. I’m just-” You cut yourself off with a sigh, ‘“I’m not very confident in my usefulness.” Your head ducks down in your admittance.

“I’m sure many feel that way; there's no point in festering it; that’s not how things get solved.” Jack scolds. 

As much as you’d rather allow Jack’s words to fall deaf on your ears, you know he's right; it’s not about you; it’s about the victims and solving what's been done to prevent more tragedies. “You’re right I’m sorry, you’re not my therapist. I don’t know why I said that.”

Jack says nothing and walks away, leaving you to stew in your own embarrassment over your unwelcome confession. 

PRESENT DAY

The next day, you arrive at your momentary office in the BAU. You can’t shake off the invasive encounter given by Jack. It sits heavily in your mind as you try to focus on the case files in front of you. It feels like your head is so full of tenacity it’ll start leaking out of your ears.

Suddenly, you hear the sound of determined footsteps outside your door. 

The door knobs twist and Beverly speedily walks in before you have time to adjust. Looking a bit more chipper than usual and dropping a stack of papers on your desk.

“Good morning. Any updates?” you ask, masking with a forced smile.

“Just the usual. Lab results, cross-references, the fun stuff,” she replies, giving you a teasing look. “‘Found out the specifics of the metal found on Elise’s body, which narrows things down a bit.” She smiles. 

“What?” you say, picking up and flipping through the papers without really seeing them. "You've got to be shitting me, and Jack didn’t even say anything to me.”

"Well, he mentioned heading off to Baltimore to talk to you but it seemed that never happened.” She cluelessly shrugged. 

Grateful for her being unaware of your awkward encounter with him and Lecter, you ask, “So what happened?”

With a smile, she turns her back and says, “Read it and talk to Jack.”

“Oh fuck you.” You say unserious; she doesn't give another response but you hear her laugh accompanied by your door closing as she leaves the quaint room. 

After reading the file, you make your way towards Jack’s office, curious as to why he didn’t bring this to your attention. As you approach the door to knock, it swings open and bumps into you. “Shit.” You say under your breath, pain blossoming where the door met your toes a moment ago. 

As you back away, Will immediately comes out. You both stand there staring at each other. You see his jaw open to speak before he turns and quickly walks away from you. 

You figure he was going to apologize for the collision, and now all you can think is if the reason he scurried off was because of the obvious stress he was exuding and decided to book it, or if he didn’t deem you worthy of an apology. 

Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you peek into Jack's partially opened door and say, “I was wondering-” You feel yourself become silenced with the notice of another person in the room, Dr. Lecter.

“Oh.” Is all you can give for an immediate response. The room is quiet, Jack looks annoyed with your uninvited presence, and the man across from him seems to be sizing you up in a clinical fashion. 

They’re both waiting for you to speak, not wanting for this unbearable silence to continue for longer than you do. “My apologies; I didn’t mean to intrude.” You say before closing the door behind you. 

You quickly scurry off, and as you turn into another hallway, you see a familiar figure hunched over a water fountain. You fasten your pace and Will’s eyes open suddenly from the sound of rapid footsteps. He pulls away from the fountain, water dripping off his chin that he wipes off when he brings his forearm to his face. 

Within the few seconds you have before you reach him, you practice what to say and points to make speak that hopefully can de escalate his discomfort. 

“I understand my presence is quite unbearable for you but I’m asking for your assistance in a professional manner. I’m being left out of the loop on plans for Nichols and I would like to be more aware. I don’t feel as if I’ve contributed much and I’d prefer to do better.” You justify your presence to him. Some parts of you feels pathetic, not because of what you are doing but because you know you would never do it for someone else.

“I’m sure I know as much as you do.” 

You want him to say more to you so desperately. You’d rather him yell at you or punch you in the fucking stomach than be so reserved. You suppose it’s best; you quite literally came up here asserting it’s for professional reasons but only wish he’d deconstruct his walls and allow you in. 

God, you’re so entitled. 

With your shoulders slumped, you cordially respond, “I understand. Thank you for your time.” Before walking away. 

As fate would have it, everything unfolded in its twisted, godly way. The call came in for another victim—a woman impaled on a stag head left to be displayed in an empty field. A stark contrast from the meticulous love of the Strike; the dissonance Jacks is unable to see is migraine-inducing. 

Ding

Your phone chimes, and you really think that whatever higher-power there is is determined to rest your patience today. 

The screen, annoyingly bright, stares back at you, displaying a name that’s foreign to your recent call history.

Will

No last name; you know multiple Will’s, but they’re contacts are accompanied by their last name. But not Graham’s; he’s much more deserving than that. 

You feel like you’re hallucinating when you look at the words asking you to see him and where he’s staying. From any other man, this might have been a crude proposition, but not from Will. Sweet, enigmatic Will. 

You’re not sure if this is meant for someone else. He would have had to search through his contacts to find you, given the long period of silence between you. He couldn't even be sure you still had the same number. 

It must be meant for you. This is the opening you’ve been praying for; you’ve never been more thankful for deities you’re not sure if you even believe in. 

Your legs feel like they're moving for you as you stand up, hardly fazed by the morning cold as you walk to where Will’s staying; leaving your dingy motel room just to go to his. 

It feels like mere seconds from receiving the text to standing at his door; time feels so warped in the grip of anticipation.

Your knuckles gently tap the door multiple times to alert him of your presence. Flashbacks invade your brain of how awful your last encounter was, though your presence seems more welcome now. 

The door opens faster than you can blink. Will’s messy hair and lack of pants make you feel like you're intruding, despite his invitation. 

He cranes his neck out to look behind you. “Come inside,” he says, hushed. 

You walk inside, and all you can think of is how “Will” this place is; it’s like he was meant to stay here. But that could also just be you holding him in higher regard than necessary and assuming the world revolves around him. 

That very well could be it. 

As he closes the door, the room becomes cloaked in darkness. “Can I—could I open a curtain?” You ask. 

"Yeah, sure,” he says, waving off. As you open the curtains to see the morning sun, you see a familiar man dressed in a fitted suit walking towards the door. 

You stiffen, your muscles tighten and lock as you feel Will give you a glance, expecting you to know the visitor. 

“Did you invite Doctor Lecter as well?” You ask, just as confused as he is. 

"No, I did not.” He huffs as he opens the door, revealing the man with his fist raised, about to knock against the wood.

“Eager.” The man outside says with a subtle, entertained smirk. “Good Morning Will” 

Walking closer to the door, tilt your head to take a peek. "Morning, Doctor.” You unenthusiastically greet. 

His face momentarily drops, just quick enough to show disappointment, before rearranging his facial movements to show false delight. 

“Good morning to you as well.” He says politely. You can’t bother to verbally respond; this was meant to be a moment for possible reconciliation. Not interruption. 

Will, who’s deep in thought, snaps back into the present and offers the doctor to step inside out of the morning chill. He accepts it happily, seemingly aware that he interrupted something but he doesn't seem to care; if anything, it seems he’s taking enjoyment in it. 

“I came bearing gifts.” He says, raising the glass containers of food he’s holding. “Though my apologies, I didn’t expect you to have a guest.” He apologizes to Will. 

“I don’t eat in the mornings anyway; it makes me nauseous.” You excuse. 

Will gestures towards the small dining area, silently and awkwardly indicating for everyone to sit. You take a spot, sitting on a stiff wooden chair, trying to ignore the piercing gaze of Hannibal.

“What is the purpose of your visit?” Hannibal asks you as he gives Will his prepared meal as they both settle into their seats, with Will beside you and Hannibal parallel to you.

Wills eyes continue avoiding both of yours. "I needed to talk to someone who understood," he responds for you. 

Hannibal, opening his container of food on the table, raises an eyebrow. "And what exactly do you need to talk about, Will?"

Will hesitates, his fingers nervously fiddling with the fork in his hand. "Cassie Boyle. The case... it’s different this time."

Hannibal leans back, looking intrigued. "Different how?"

“What is the purpose of your visit?” You redirect the conversation. This was meant to be a private conversation and you don't appreciate the way Lecter finds it appropriate to put Will on the spot. 

You watch as his hand tightens the grip around the fork in his palm; he’s mastered the art of his facial control. He really is an incredible attempt at the personification of nonchalant, but he still has his tells. 

“An attempt to befriend a coworker; I’d like to serve the purpose of a mediator, alleviate tension when possible, and give my insight on more grim- work related things.” He answers. 

You know you shouldn’t taunt, but you can’t help it; the temptation is too grand. “What makes one worthy of a visit and what disqualifies another?” 

Hannibal seems pleased by your words, oddly enough. “You are more than qualified; I figured you’d appreciate time. I understand you’re not necessarily fond of me.”

“I’d argue the only person fond of you in this room is yourself.” You bite. Hannibal says nothing in return, nor does Will. They both eat in silence as you fidget with your hands, desperate to be soothed.

Staring at the painted wall in front of you, you watch through your peripheral as Hannibal swallows a bite of food from his fork and opens his mouth to speak to Will. “I would apologize for my analytical ambush the other day, but I know I would be apologizing again.” He says, flicking his head towards you briefly in recognition. “And you’ll tire of that eventually, so I have to consider using apologies sparingly.”

Quickly and harshly Will responds, “Just keep it professional.”

Hannibal responds after taking another bite of his cooking, “Or we could socialize like adults; God forbid we become friendly.”

“Where's Crawford?” You ask as soon as the thought rolls into your head. 

Hannibal’s head stiffly turns to face you. “Deposed in court. The journey will be ours today.” He curtly says. 

Then why did he exclusively come to Will? Why has he seemingly made no plans to properly introduce himself to you?

It’s not that you're jealous; it’s not his attention that you want; it’s just the simple need to be recognized as an equal. You’re good at what you do—great, even. And this isn’t the first time someone has disregarded you for no apparent reason. Well, you think you know why. 

Standing up from your chair, you speak. “If you don’t mind, I’ll be off-”

“Why?” Will immediately asks, mouth full of chewed food. 

“Gotta get ready for the day. Unfortunately, it takes more effort than just a clean shirt and brushed hair for me to be presentable. I’m sure you’d understand that, Doctor.” 

The moment the words come out of your mouth, you realize the accidental insult you've just given. You didn’t even mean to insinuate that he’s someone who must put in extra effort in order to be ready for the day, but by the way his grip tightens on his fork once again and the displeasing curl of his lips, you're sure he took it that way. 

“Jack gave a rental; I can drive you when you're ready?” Will offers, as pleased and equally confused you are for his sudden change of heart on your existence. You are also well aware that Lecter will most likely be hitching a ride to.

“I actually drove here. I thought it would be good for me to have some more time to sort out my thoughts.” You say, walking towards the door. “But thank you; I’ll see you both soon.” You say, as curtly as possible before twisting the handle and making your exit. 

Files, files and more files are all you’ve sorted through since you arrived at your destination, the place where the Shrike most likely works. 

You hear a car pull up next to the dingy little trailer of the office of the work site, the sound vibrant against the noise of ruffling papers and the secretary talking to her boss on the corded phone sitting on her desk. 

The door creaks open, and as you turn around, you’re greeted by the sight of Will walking in through the door held open by Hannibal. 

“I’ve sorted through these four on the left so far,” you say in reference to the seemingly never ending towers of file cabinets. “And those boxes are where I’m throwing shit that if you twist an arm and a leg, you might be able to find something slightly suspicious.” 

Hannibal walks in, closing the door behind him and Will nods. “What about her?” He asks, tilting his head to the side where the secretary sits. 

“Conversation with her boss, I think. One that doesn’t seem to be going very well.” You explain with a tiny humorous smirk. Her head snaps towards you as she glares, unable to verbalize any frustration so she settles for squinted eyes. 

“Do you need direction?” You condescendingly ask. Hannibal, seemingly unfazed by your attitude at this point, does nothing but shake his head and say, “Not yet, no. But I’m sure you’ll give me some.” His smile contradicting his pointed words. 

Moments went by, flipping through papers upon papers. The feeling of being stuck in a never ending loop is finally broken by the secretary's voice directed at the three of you. 

“What did you say your names where?” She asks, standing up. 

Before you or Hannibal could respond, Will does. “Garrett Jacob Hobbs?”

With a sigh, the woman answers, “He’s one of our pipe threaders. Those are all the resignation letters. ‘Plumbers Union requires ‘em whenever members finish a job.” She says, before quickly spinning around and whispering into the phone, “I’ll call you back.” And places the landline back onto the plunger. 

Finished with her phone conversation, Will continues to inquire. "Uh, does Mr. Hobbs have a daughter?”

“Might have.” She says in her tired, monotone voice. 

“Eighteen or nineteen, wind-chafed, um- plain but pretty. She’d have auburn hair; be about this tall.” He motions a bit below his ear. 

She shrugs in response. “Maybe I don't know. I don’t keep company with these people.”

“What is it about Garrett Jacob Hobbs you find so peculiar?” Lecter's voice chimes in. 

“He left a phone number, no address.” He answers, his back still facing you both. 

 The doctor questions Will once again, turning to face more towards him, “And therefore he has something to hide?”

Taking a short breath to breathe, Will answers, “The others all left addresses; he also missed work for days at a time.” You can see he’s slowly getting more wound up. His mind is moving and scrambling around different possibilities too fast for him to make sense of, and what he can decipher is nothing short of tasteless. 

"Do you have an address for Mr. Hobbs?” You chime in an attempt to take a sliver of weight off of Will’s shoulders. 

The dark haired woman rolls her eyes and silently walks toward her desk. She takes a few moments to gather her information, the sounds of a keyboard clicking and shallow- impatient breaths fill the room. 

Grabbing a pen, she scribbles numbers onto the small square of paper before standing up once more to hand it to Will. 

As often as it happens, you feel like you’ll never get used to the way men are consistently served first in this field. It's not Will’s fault of course, and you’re sure it wasn’t intentional on her part. But in a way that makes it worse, how habitual it is to subconsciously ignore you, woman, really anything out of the typical white male mold of an old detective movie. 

You’ll never forget how Jack was so quickly disregarded in one of the first cases you accompanied him with. It was in some southern state where a series of home invasions resulted in multiple murders over a handful of months. On the way to the crime scene, the neighbourhood held lawns of homes that were decorated with not only American flags but Confederate ones as well. You watched the way the local police interacted with Crawford. The kind of people who tolerated him for his help but nothing else—aversion constantly clouded their eyes. 

It's not that you haven't encountered appalling people of that sort before, but it was the moment when it clicked that no matter how remarkable your work is, if Crawford could be so quickly disregarded because prejudice, the man who was truly their saving grace for this case, what chance do you have to truly excel in your field?

“I could start loading the boxes in the trunk; can you unlock it?” You ask, not even bothering to look at the yellow Post-it note containing the address. 

Looking at you with brows furrowed, he digs in his trouser pockets. “It’s manual, you have to unlock it.” He says while handing you the set of cool rigid metal. 

“That's fine.” You say with a smile before heading out the door. Taking a breath of metal-scented air in an attempt to calm your nerves. Things are going okay—well, even.

 Will seems to be no longer sickened by your presence, for whatever reason that may be. You're trying not to think of that, the reasoning for this sudden change of heart, and how you may already know it if it weren't for Lecter's earlier intrusion. 

You're trying not to hold much disdain for him, to put it aside for the time being when there are non-metaphorical lives on the line. But it’s hard when the only thing you now personally know him for is an invasive little bastard. Not much like Bloom had described him to you before, back when you were civil. That's not fair to her, though; she’s civil—you're not. You're much too bitter now for niceties.

Moments pass by while you, Will, Hannibal and the secretary are hauling boxes out of the small office trailer into the back of the rental car. A monotonous and tedious task. One that may not seem to be fit for all though, as the doctor allows a box to stumble in hands, paper falling onto the wet ground. 

Of course, Will’s the one to solve the problem, falling to his knees to scrounge the paper and telling the man not to worry. You watch as he doesn't even give a thank you in return; he just hustles back inside. 

Clearly, the man doesn't have as much decorum inside of him as he presents. 

Though you may not have room to speak, the moment the task was done, you grabbed the address covered note and put it into your car's GPS before telling Will just to follow you. You're sure you're contributing to his stress by being so evasive, but until you can stop being so erratic, your best bet is to stay slippery, not allowing him to get a good enough grasp on who you are before you can conceal it.

The robotic voice from your center console alerts you of the approaching destination. Turning on your turn signal a bit early to alert Will driving behind you of the driveway you are about to pull into.

You can only appreciate the home once you step out of your car. The plain suburbia of the family home becomes clearer once you get closer to the front door. 

You turn to watch Will and Lecter step out of the car, Hannibal surveying the place with an analytical gaze much like your own, while Wills is unique. It’s Wills. 

You're unsure if you should wait for Will and have him be the one to knock at the door. You’re defenceless; you have no gun, no badge, and no reason for someone to open the door for you alone. 

The decision seems to have been made for you when the door opens. Turning to look, you are greeted by the sight of bloodied hair and body weight pushed onto you. Before being granted a moment to collect your thoughts, you feel yourself falling. The sight of a man with a knife turning away is the only distinct thing you can make out as the rest melts into a scene of blurry green and blue before you and the body on top of you hit the ground.

The moment your head hits the concrete, you know you're done for. The sound of your hard skull smacking against the ground reverberates through your spine like an echo. An uncomfortable pounding takes over all your senses as Will runs up to you. The body weight of the woman is pushed off of you. You can hear the vibrations of his voice against your eardrums but nothing more—all unintelligible in your mangled brain. 

You can feel your mind quickly leave its haze as fast as it came to you, your senses returning. You pull yourself up on your forearms to try to slowly raise yourself up. “Go.” Your voice sounds weird coming out of you; it's so loud that it feels like a microphone is hiding in your throat. 

An unfamiliar hand grabs the back of your skull. “I’m here; you can go, Will.” Hannibal's voice firmly says behind you. 

And he does; he quickly stands, pulling out his gun and walks into the house as Lecter pulls you by your armpits to sit properly. “You’re not bleeding.” He states, moving your hair around your head softly to check. 

“Bleeding.” You think. Blood. You can feel blood all over your skin. You know you’re not bleeding, you don’t feel anything leaving you. But you feel everything on you. 

The woman lays beside you, face up towards the dreary sky, as the sound of a quiet pattering of blood collects in a pool below. “God.” You exclaim while attempting to push yourself up from your wobbly arms.

“Slow do-” The accented voice behind you speaks before being cut off by a series of gunshots. You feel each noise in your chest, each one causing your heart to sink further into your stomach. Ignoring the dizziness blooming in your head, you clumsily stand up. Hannibal's hands pointlessly attempt to grip you to help your stability as you quickly stumble into the Hobbs residence. 

The overwhelming smell of iron invades your nostrils—you freeze. Will huddles over a limp body, you from behind as he struggles to place his hands. Jack was right, you're not ready for this. Slumped in the corner lies a man, bullet wounds decorating his chest in rows.

Will killed him.

Your mind plays the sentence over and over again on loop as you feel Dr. Lecter's eyes bore into the back of your skull. He walks over to Will, his posture so straight that it's unnerving. The way his hands steadily grip the young girl's throat to prevent more blood from spurting out mocks your shaky ones. 

Will beside him looks just as shaken up as you do, sitting there frozen, watching as the girl on the floor clings to life. 

“Call in.” Hannibal's voice shakes you from your thoughts. As if on autopilot, your bloody hand messily dials for an ambulance. Your words sound so foreign, entirely not yours, as you explain the scene in front of you, eyes locked on Will as he dissociates from his surroundings. 

It happens so slowly and so fast. A whirl of paramedics running in. Ushering you all to leave, but you can’t. The moment you exit the door, you freeze at the woman's body in front of you.     

She was murdered, died on top of you and was the last bit of warmth she felt before she went cold. You feel sad, A woman's life was brutally stolen from her far too early. You feel sad about the surrounding context of her death, but mostly you feel gross, dirty, sticky, and frustrated that she had to expel her life force all over you. 

You want a shower.  

After getting checked by the waiting paramedic outside, who confirmed a grade 1 concussion. You can't stop thinking about what just happened to Will's head. He just murdered a man to save a life and you know what that can do to someone—it's the exact thing that ruined you. 

You’ve done it again, showing up uninvited again, only this time to his motel room and not his home. But you have to talk to him. 

Some agent you never even got the name of drove you both back to your respected quarters. Neither of you were in a state to drive; you can’t for the next 48 hours and Will... God knows how Will is. 

That's why your visit is needed; it’s not for your peace of mind; it's not an apology; it’s to make sure he's not alone with thoughts and has someone to help clear them. 

After knocking at his door once again, he opens it. “Hi.” Your voice cracks.

“Hi.” Greets back. He sounds…tired.

“I wanna come in.” You tell him there's no point in pleasantries; he’s known why you’re here since the moment you knocked on the door. 

Fortunately, that gets him to crack a small smile and say, “Sure.” 

As you both walk further into his room, he closes the door behind you. The room’s dimly lit, and the curtains drawn tightly to block out the world. You can see the disarray around you—books strewn across the floor, papers piled haphazardly on the desk, and an untouched dinner plate on the nightstand.

“I brought a gift.” You say, sticking your arm out, handing him the bottle.

"Vending machine root beer, you shouldn’t have." He attempts a joke, but the effort is hollow. Everything he says only deepens your concern; he’s so quick to brush off everything that's happened and act as if everything's fine.

“You’re freaking me out, Will,” you awkwardly laugh. “I know your feeling pretty fucked up right now. You don’t have to act unbothered.”  

He sucks in a breath through his teeth, a defensive look quickly absorbing his eyes. “Just because you couldn’t handle it doesn’t mean I can’t.” The moment the weight of the words he’s thrown at you registers, Will's face drops. His entire guarding demeanour immediately shatters the moment they come out.

"I-I’m sorry." You stutter out in shock of how his attitude is instantaneously flipped by words. "I know what happened was different; I just wanted to check up on you." Your words are met with silence, the two of you just pitifully staring at each other. The room feels colder, the silence is more suffocating.

He breathes out your name so softly that you almost don’t hear it. “I don’t know…why I sa-said that.” His hand roughly runs through his hair as he takes a step forward. “I want you to stay.” He states, uncharacteristically bold from him. 

Unsure what to make of his words, you just stand there. Both your minds are reeling—Will’s for a way to apologize and yours to just disappear. 

“I know I didn’t handle myself well.” You say, taking a deep breath, “I’m not saying my actions will be your own; I just wish I had someone to understand what its like to take a human life and not hate it.” 

That's it—the thing you could never admit, not even to yourself. So much time was spent sprilling about why you are the way you are. Trying to convince yourself that this feeling brewing inside you is new, that it had been manually moulded. 

Panicking from your admission, you quickly follow up. “I didn’t mean to project—fuck, I just don’t want you to wallow in the guilt of change like I did. What Hobbs did- who he was—was entirely irredeemable.” 

Another step closer and the gap between you both becomes bridged, and his large hands rest gently on your cheeks. “I’m sorry.” He delicately whispers. 

You can’t help it; you fall apart and the dam behind your eyes breaks. The tears cascade down your cheeks faster than you can blink them away as he pulls you into his chest. You can feel the steady thump of his heartbeat, the reminder that he’s real, he’s here, and he’s okay.

“I was so fucking scared when I heard those gunshots,” you whisper into his chest. His grip on you tightens, pushing you further into him. You both stay like that for God knows how long. From how heavily you’ve soaked his T-shirt with your tears and how you feel it around your brow bones and eye sockets, you’d guess it’s been a while. And with a deep sigh, you finally feel him pull away. “Are you okay?” He asks, gently looking you up and down.

“I should be asking you that.” You scoff, “Minor concussion; I’ll be fine in a couple days and a good night's sleep.”

He raises his brows in shock. “Yeah, well, good luck getting that.” You can’t help but laugh at his tone and reaction, as if you just said the most bizarre thing in the world. 

A grin makes his way across his face at the sound of your laugh. “I miss you.” 

You freeze. It’s what he said that took you off-gaurd, just the way he said it. The tone wasn’t sad or nostalgic; it was happy. Present tense too; he didn’t once mourn you and, over time, healed the wounds of a lost friendship. No, they’re still open, and he still misses you.

You were so caught up in your concern for him that you never had a moment to grasp the closeness between you too. Looking up, you see him. The individual hairs growing out of his chin, forming his stubble; the small scar on his cheek that he got when he was a child but doesn't remember how; and his eyes. Those blue eyes that hold so much patience, so much care and so much understanding it makes you weak to your knees. You see Will—sweet, complex, deserving Will. 

His hands grip your face more firmly this time, peering into your soul like you just autopsied yours. He's drinking you in your image, like he’s been starved, dehydrated, and famished. You wouldn’t dare pull away and deny him what he wants; you’ll give him anything and if he wants your soul, you’ll bare it to him. 

“The only thing I regret is everything I did to you.” It’s such a heavy admission—one that’s entirely out of left field, and he still doesn’t know the true weight of it. “Please,” The words so delicately come from you. You’re not sure what your pleading for—forgiveness? But for which of your sins? In what context are you begging for repentance?

It doesn't matter what you decide. The only thing that does is how close his lips are to yours and how it’s still not enough. 

“I know.” His lips brush against yours, tentative at first, then more certain. The kiss is a soft exploration, a silent conversation filled with all the words you couldn’t bring yourselves to say. You feel his hands trembling slightly against your skin, betraying the calm exterior he’s trying to maintain. 

When you finally pull away, you’re both breathless. He rests his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the small space between you. He’s quiet, waiting for the moment for you to turn and run like you do, but it doesn’t come. Instead, your hand finds itself on the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his curls as you pull him in for another kiss. 

Just as eager as you, he deepens the kiss, his hands moving from your cheeks to your waist, desperate to have you as close as he can. You could feel his heart beating against his chest, rhythmically in-sync with your own.

Energy intensifies, with hands greedily grabbing whatever they can, saliva coating each other's lips, feet scrambling across the floor until your back hits the crumpled sheets of the unmade motel bed.   

The thin mattress creaks under your combined weight, but you barely notice—too preoccupied with catching each sound that spills from Will's mouth. His hands explore the curves and slopes of your torso with an urgency so similar to yours. Every touch, every kiss, makes your body buzz with ache, desperate to consume him from the outside-in. 

He breaks away for a moment, his breath ragged, eyes dark with desire. "Are you sure?" he asks, his voice a rough whisper.

"Yes," you reply without hesitation, your voice as steady as you could be despite the pounding of your heart. "I’m sure."

With that, he captures your lips again, his hands slipping under your shirt, the warmth of his calloused fingertips on your ribs sending shivers within you. You lose yourself in the sensation, the world outside the room fading into oblivion. 

All you can think of is Will. 

Will's hands slipping off your shirt. 

Will’s chest bare against yours as you slip off his. 

Will’s mouth on your neck, nibbling on your collarbone. 

Will looking deliciously vulnerable covered in crimson outside of the Hobbs house. 

The moan that slips out of your mouth as his tongue meets your nipple is involuntary; his wet mouth lays kisses and bites along the fat of your breast as he grips the other. 

He looks up at you, his eyes dark and hungry as he breathes your name out, his voice thick with lust coating his vocal cords like honey. His hands roam lower, fingers hooking into the waistband of your pants, slowly sliding them down your hips. His kisses trail down from your sternum to your stomach, getting sloppier as his breath contrasts with the coolness of his spit. 

You gasp as he reaches your underwear, his fingers teasing the fabric. "Will," you whimper, your voice a mixture of need and desperation you’ve never heard from yourself before. 

He peers up at you, his silvery eyes filled with desire—desire for you. "Do you trust me?"

Without a moment of hesitation, you reply, "Yes."

With a smile both wicked and tender, he pulls your underwear down and spreads your legs, revealing you to him. His eyes roam over your body, taking in every detail, every curve, and every inch. He leans in, his breath hot against your slick center, and then his tongue flicks out, tasting you.

You arch your back, a moan escaping you as he explores you with his mouth. His fingers tease your entrance, rubbing just around it in circles while his tongue dances around your clit. 

You grip the sheets tightly, your nails digging into the fabric. You’d latch your hands onto his head but you're afraid you’d rip his scalp off his head. The sensations are overwhelming, not because of the pleasure coursing through you, but because it’s Will distributing it. 

Will's mouth is relentless, his tongue flicking and probing, while his fingers continue to tease.

He was devouring you, and you were more than happy to be consumed. 

“Will," you moan, your voice breathy, desperate for more—anything else he’s willing to give. "Please." 

He looks up at you, his eyes filled with lust, then slides two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out in a slow, steady rhythm. You cry out, your body bucking against his mouth, your hips grinding against his fingers as you feel the prickle of his facial hair on your thighs as you squeeze them tighter around his head. 

“So good,” he whimpers into you, his voice a mixture of need and desperation while he works you closer to your ledge. He does nothing but continue his assault, his tongue flicking against your clit, his fingers thrusting in and out of you. You can feel the orgasm building in your stomach, the pressure mounting higher and higher as he desperately bucks into the bed for some form of friction.

"Will," you cry out, your voice louder this time, begging him for your release. He’s still so wordless—nothing but the vibrations of moans and grunts coming from him. Instead, he responds by increasing the pace of his fingers, his tongue more aggressive as you feel yourself tipping over the edge. 

You feel your body move for you, sporadically convulsing as your orgasm washes over you as he drinks up release, coating his mouth and fingers. He continues his movements while you come down from your high, his hands prying your thighs open as he fucks his tongue into you, savouring your taste.

You're left panting, your body trembling, and your mind swimming in a foggy haze of pleasure when he finally pulls away from you with an expression of satisfaction. He moves up your body, his lips finding yours in a tender kiss. 

You can feel your slick coating his facial hair as he kisses you, rubbing it onto you. It’s a messy and filthy action but fuck does it get you going. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice gruff but gentle. 

You can’t help but smile; he’s so fucking perfect. 

A grin coats your face. “Yeah.” He’s gorgeous; the light is low, the cool light of the moon peeking out the sides of the curtains. You can’t see Will in his entirety, but that’s fine. His face so close to yours, his body on top of yours—you don’t need to see him; just feel him. 

He smiles a small-relieved grin. “Good,” he whispers before pulling away. You didn’t realize he removed sweats until you felt the tip of his cock teasing you. A whine escapes from your lips as he rocks his dick back and forth along your pussy, coating himself in your cum. 

He pushes in slowly, inch by inch, his pace deliberate, giving you time to adjust. Your brain short-circuits from how deeply he’s stretching you out every time he slips himself further inside you. 

He pauses, his forehead resting against yours, his breath hot against your skin. “You feel so fucking good.”

You feel braindead; you've never been so pilant in your life. “More.” You manage to whisper out, your voice shaky. 

He starts to move, his thrusts slow and shallow. Just the feeling of his cock repeatedly entering you makes your brain feel fuzzy. You can feel every inch of him, the way he fills you, how tightly you’re wrapped around him. 

You grip his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as he picks up pace, his thrusts becoming more forceful, more demanding. “‘Missed you so fucking much,” he grumbles into your neck.

“M’sorry.” You whimper, “M’sorry, M’sorry.” You say fragmentedly, it took him nothing to fuck you dumb and yet your entire brain is filled with nothing but the repetition of his name. 

The room is filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin, the wetness of your bodies, and the occasional moan that escapes from either of your lips—the both of you soaking up the feeling of each other in this moment. 

You can feel the pressure building up again—the familiar prickle in your abdomen. “Please, don’t fucking stop.” Your voice desperately cries out.  

He doesn’t slow down; instead, he picks up pace, his thrusts becoming more frantic, more desperate. You can feel him shaking, his body trembling as he nears his climax. Not bothering the silence himself anymore, he becomes just as loud as you, no longer speaking coherent praises, just moans and grunts that slowly raise in pitch with each stroke inside you he makes. 

Nothing but each other’s names spill from your lips in affirmation that you're both here, together. You cry out, your back arching off the bed in a desperate attempt to be closer as your orgasm crashes over you. Your pussy clenches around him, milking him as he spills himself inside you, as he collapses on top of you. You feel his breath against your neck in ragged pants as his cock continues to twitch inside you, the last of his cum filling you up. 

You wrap your arms around him, you're both spent. Bodies slick with cum and sweat, the euphoric high wearing off allowing the reality of how tired you’ve been the last couple to take hold of you. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You breathlessly ask. As sleepy as you are, you have to make an attempt to do what you came for—someone to talk to. 

Head on your chest, you can feel his smile form. “I was liking how little talking we were doing.” 

A laugh puffs from chest at his response, “That works too.” You say, gazing down at him. As if he could feel your stare, he raises his head to look at you, chin resting on your breast. “I’m happy.”

A small laugh now finds its way from his chest at the juvenile remark. As ridiculous as it seems, that is the best way to describe it. It doesn't need complex-flowery language, you're just glad to be in his presence, alive and healthy. You're just happy. 

And he understands, his gaze softens as a sincere smile crawls on his face, “Me too.”

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

How You and I Became We

Natasha Romanoff x GN!Reader

Warnings: Light mentions of the red room, Natasha having PTSD, a lot of tooth rotting fluff of reader helping Nat through things and being her rock

Word count: 885

A/N: I felt bad for making Nat the bad guy and had to make up for it. So here she is, being baby and soft.

You met Natasha after she defected from Russia, claiming she wanted to do better and be better. Fury assigned her to you and Barton. Field missions she'd head out with Clint then report back to you. 

Slowly you learned things about Natasha especially since you two shared an apartment. Fury had asked if you could take her in since she had nowhere to go and it would take her a bit to save up for her own place. 

It was your first night together when you learned about her need to handcuff herself to the bed. You tried to reassure her that she didn't need that and she assured you that she did.

You compromised with her by holding her wrist through the night. You got little sleep that whole first week, but you'd slept worse before.

Slowly you were able to let go of your grip until she didn't need it anymore though you found her still seeking out your touch to help her fall asleep, it usually became your hands intertwined and eventually you'd start waking up with more than just your hands intertwined.

Over time you had learned Natasha's habits and you find her seeking out your office for its comforting atmosphere. The soft yellow lights, soft lofi music, comfy couches, and snuggly blankets. She'd come in quietly, if your desk hadn't faced the door you probably wouldn't even know she'd slipped in as she grabbed a blanket, wrapping herself up and laying down. 

She'd start talking in Russian assuming you didn't understand, but you knew several languages. She'd complain about various things, especially the red room. You had learned a lot from her file that Fury gave you and you knew about the Red Room and the horrible things that had gone on there. Natasha only confirmed them as she spoke in Russian.

“Krasnaya komnata isportila vsyu moyu zhizn'. U menya v bukhgalterskoy knige stol'ko krasnogo, i ya ne znayu, smogu li ya kogda-nibud' eto ispravit'... YA ne ponimayu, pochemu ty tak dobr ko mne…(The red room fucked with my whole life over. I've got so much red in my ledger and I don't know if I'll ever be able to fix it...I don't understand why you're so nice to me…)” 

You looked up from your paperwork. She wasn't looking at you, just staring off, as she tugged on a loose string of the blanket. You had heard her say a lot of negative things since you had met, but she had never brought you into it so you figured it was time,

“YA dobr k tebe, potomu chto ty mne nravish'sya, Natal'ya. YA dumayu, ty khoroshiy chelovek. Prosto potomu, chto oni kontrolirovali vas tak, kak oni eto delali, vy reshili uyti, chtoby stat' luchshe, potomu chto vy luchshe. To, cherez chto oni zastavili vas proyti, bylo obuslovleno vami, no eto ne znachit, chto eto vy. (I'm nice to you because I like you Natalia. I think you're a good person. Just because they controlled you the way they did it was your decision to leave, to be better because you are better. What they put you through was conditioned into you it doesn't mean it is you.)” you leaned back in your chair, she shot up, blanket falling off of her. 

“You can speak Russian?” Her voice wavered as you nodded. 

“The whole time?”

“Yes. I didn't want you to stop venting, but I don't want you questioning why I'm nice to you. It's not because I have to be. It's because I want to be. I actually genuinely like you Natalia.” You stood up, making your way around your desk until you were in front of her. She stood a few inches taller than you as you looked up into her striking green eyes. 

“Why…?” You shrug.

“Why do we like anything? Or anyone for that matter? Emotions are weird and complicated, but that's okay because there doesn't have to be some big hidden meaning behind why I like you. Do you like me?” Natasha nods, making you smile and slowly reach out for her hand, she allows you to intertwine your fingers. “Then that's all that matters, don't you think?” She looks away and down and everywhere, but at you until you take your other hand and gently cup her cheek which brings her attention back to you. “It's okay to feel this way Tasha. No one is going to stop you, especially not me.” You barely had time to blink before her lips pressed against yours softly. 

You let your hand move to the back of her head so she couldn't pull back too quickly as you kissed back, letting your lips dance for the first time. 

You let her go, pulling back only to have her chase your lips, gripping your cheeks and pulling you back in as you fall against the couch, her now straddling your lap as she kisses you with a fever like she's suddenly addicted to you and can't get enough until you both need air. Breathing heavily, feeling her hot breath against your face. You grip her hips pulling her closer.

“I do hope that you don't leave me all hot and bothered with just your kisses.” You breathe out, kissing her jaw and neck.

“Wouldn't dream of it.” 

[paintingraves]

AITA ? I (40M) bought a condo one of my friends (43F) wanted to buy with her boyfriend (36M) to get back at her for hurting my best friend's (50M) feelings.

This is a bit lengthy so bear with me.

I have a prestigious job in the medical field and I am head of department in my specialty. I met my best friend (G) years ago when he bailed me out of jail (another long story). We work in the same place, under the supervision of our boss (C) who is also a close friend of mine.

Now G and C have a bit of a history. They met in medical school, from what I know they shared a night together, but G was kicked out of uni so it never became more than that, until they found each other again years later and she offered him his current job. They are always flirting, always pushing each other's buttons, and they are clearly very attracted to one another, but a lot of things prevent them from acting on it.

First, their respective positions - she's our boss - and also the fact that my best friend is, to put it plainly, an asshole who avoids emotions and vulnerability like the plague. Given his history, it makes sense, but he's never tried to work on himself, instead preferring to hide behind drugs, booze, and, lately, prostitutes. So he wasn't exactly relationship material, but things changed last year.

First, they got closer. In a very emotional moment that I won't disclose here, G ended up at her place and they kissed. They immediately agreed to pretend like it never happened, despite the fact that they clearly both have strong feelings for each other.

Next, G's drug addiction got worse. Much, much worse, to the point where he hallucinated an entire night where he went through detox in her company, then they had sex, and she left early the next morning. Yes, I wish I was making this up. He was weird the next day, and he ended up shouting for the entire hospital to hear that they slept together. She got understandably extremely mad at him for putting her reputation at work at stake in such a humiliating way. That's when he realised how bad things had gotten. He came to me, and with my help, he went into rehab.

He spent a few months there. When he came back, he'd changed. Not radically, but he was off the drugs, he was seeing a therapist regularly, and he seemed genuinely commited to working on himself and trying to be a better man, to lead a better life. In his own words, he was "tired of being miserable." He moved in with me at the advice of his therapist, and he tried to distance himself from work for a while. He quit, he tried other activities, but eventually he came back because he loves this job.

I could see he was also still interested in C, but she was very guarded. I encouraged him to try to show that he'd changed, because he had, and I knew she also had feelings for him. But things came to a head when we went to a medical conference she also attended. The reason she was so distant with him was also because, as it turned out, she got into a new, serious relationship while he was away, with a man (L) who used to be G's friend. Obviously, it was a blow for G. And for me as well, because I didn't know about this, or I wouldn't have encouraged G to pursue it.

Anyway, life went on, and after a while C started talking to me about buying a condo and moving in with L. I was still a little put out by her behaviour towards G. She called my ex-wife, who happens to work in real estate, and found "the condo of her dreams".

So I called my ex-wife, visited the condo with G, and impulsively decided to buy it before she could.

We'll be moving in shortly with G. He seems happy, and I'm happy to be doing this for him. Hopefully he can move on, and it may teach her a lesson.

So, Reddit, AITA ?

Edit, in answer to a few comments:

- Yes, we met when he bailed me out of jail. I was going through a rough patch and ended up doing something stupid that got me arrested. He bailed me, a perfect stranger, out of jail because he said I was "the most interesting person around." We've been best friends ever since.

- The price for the condo was around 250,000$. I paid 3/4th of it using most of my savings, and I don't regret it one bit. He paid what was left, in an exceptionally generous display (for him).

- L was a private investigator G hired to spy on me (long story) at a time where I wanted to get away from him. They became sort of friends, but we hadn't heard from him in a long time before finding out he was in a relationship with C.

- C cares for him, but she is also at a spot in her life where she wants stability. She is a single mother with a daughter to care for, and she wants to be with a man whom she can rely on. What with G's history, I can't blame her for not acting on her feelings.

It doesn't mean I can't be mad at her for hurting him, though.

Edit 2:

Yes, G and I are close. He's the only person who truly gets me and doesn't put up with my bullshit. He's the worst and the best friend I've ever had.

Edit 3:

Stop asking me if I'm in love with my best friend. We're both straight, we've both been in very commited, serious relationships with women. He doesn't see me that way, no matter how many gay jokes he makes.

Edit 4:

C found out someone had bought her dream condo, and was pretty mad. I won't lie, I acted all chagrined on her behalf but I feel pretty damn good about it.

[football-and-fanfics]

What Happened Next - Dominik Szoboszlai

Who: Dominik Szoboszlai Request: I’d like an imagine where a girl has had a one night stand with with a guy she meets in a club then a couple of days later starts her new job at the Liverpool training centre just to discover her ONS was Dominik and just how shy, cute and embarrassed they both are. Requested by: @moondancer146 Word count: 710 Warnings: none

It had been a drunken night, a very drunken night, a few weeks ago. After a night out partying you had ended up in bed with some guy you had met at the night club. You barely remembered what he looked like, let alone you still knew his name or had his telephone number. All you you did remember was that it had been a good night, with plenty of fun and pleasure in bed, and that it was all over before you had even fully sobered up.

A few times you still wondered who this handsome stranger was, because you still remembered he had been handsome, and somehow you couldn't shake the feeling that you knew him from somewhere.

But your attention shifted when you were about to start your new job at Liverpool FC. You wanted to make a good impression at this new job, so you made sure you looked well, dressed well, and were well rested. This also meant: no going out to parties and no alcohol for a while. And amidst all that you found that the memories of your one night stand got pushed to the back of your mind.

That was, until the third day of you working at LFC, when everything came crashing back.

As part of the media team, you would be working in close relation to the first team players, and a colleague introduced you to them one by one. You were shown around the cafeteria where the team sat for lunch, shaking hands and introducing yourself. Suddenly you found yourself face to face with an attractive, dark-haired man, and you instantly knew: he was your mystery one night stand from a few weeks back. And from the startled look on his face, he definitely knew who you were, too.

"Hi." He held out his hand to you. "I'm Dominik." You stammered your own name, blushing as you shook his hand. "Nice to meet you," Dominik said politely, even though he was fully aware that the both of you had already thoroughly met. Underneath the stubble of his beard, you saw the redness of his cheeks, too.

Dominik chuckled nervously, not knowing how to hold himself in this current situation. "I believe we have an appointment for an interview this afternoon?" He finally spoke. "Yes." You confirmed, glad he had found a topic you could safely talk about. "I'll see you then."

---

Dominik showed up right on time for your appointment with him that afternoon. You were glad you were allowed to do this interview by yourself, which meant you could also have a private chat with Dominik about this situation you suddenly both found yourselves in.

Dominik closed the door behind him and turned around to face you almost as if in slow-motion, clearly putting off the moment he would have to face you for as long as he possibly could.

"This is quite a predicament we find ourselves in." Dominik smiled shyly as he finally faced you. He looked ill at ease, slightly embarrassed even, and found it hard to meet your eye. "Quite so," you mumbled, equally embarrassed by this whole situation.

An uncomfortable silence fell. Several times you wanted to speak, but didn't, but in the end Dominik was the one to voice his thoughts first.

"Why don't we start over?" He sounded hopeful. You shrugged, confused. "What do you mean?" "Well." Dominik smiled with more confidence now. "As it looks like we are going to have to work together, why don't we get to know each other a little better?" "We slept together." You scoffed. "How much better would you like to get to know me?"

Dominik chuckled. "That was a drunken night, but, if you ask me, not a mistake. You seem like a wonderful person, and.... even though I've seen a lot of you already, I know very little about you. And I would like to change that." "Oh..." You hadn't expected him to say something like this, and you were lost for words. "Please, we'll take it slow. Maybe join me for lunch tomorrow." Dominik's eyes twinkled with the hope for a positive answer from you. You hesitated for maybe a second before you smiled shyly, but confidently. "I would love that."

Writing masterlist

[pillarsoflove]

can i request sleep over hcs with any characters? can be platonic or romantic!

hi! yes! sleepovers are so fun 🫶 sorry these are short, I couldn't think of much :(

gn!reader, they/them if any

characters: march 7th, dan heng, sampo, stelle (f!mc), caelus (m!mc)

up for interpretation of platonic or romantic!! fluff 🫶

March!

first off, definitely the type to forget to give you a blanket

but don't worry!! she has a lot of those soft decorative ones, so you aren't short on options, she just forgot

"this is a sleepover! you think you're supposed to sleep??" fr

if you are just friends, she definitely asks about who you're romantically interested in

gossiping about your trailblaze missions!! giggling about some people you met, thoughts on what happened, I'm ngl y'all definitely smack talk people you don't like too

hello!!! dress up?? yes

she doesn't typically like people close to her face, but if you two are close enough to have a sleepover she trusts you enough to allow you near her face! so you can mess with her hair or do her makeup

you both eventually knock out with the lights still on

Dan Heng!

if you have a sleepover you either don't live on the express or it was an accident

in the accident case you probably wanted to spend more time together and ended up falling asleep in his "room" (the archives), or you had a nightmare and being in the same room as him calmed you down

offers you his bed and he'll sleep on a pallet on the floor – it isn't much different from his makeshift bed already – just less padding

if you end up falling asleep after trying to spend more time with him he'll carry you to his bed, not wanting to risk waking you up by carrying you to your room if you live on the express

idc how big you are, he's stronger than he looks, he has hidden muscles similar to swimmers thanks to his weapon!

sampo!

good luck man, I don't think he has a house

just hops from one hotel/motel to the other

so you're either sleeping in your room, or in a hotel room

if you're part of the astral express, the hotel room is probably the better option considering the hate dan heng and March has for him

and the others probably will as well ngl

anyway! he will offer to sleep in the same bed if the room only has one bed as a joke

(platonic only, or romantic but haven't slept in the same bed yet ->) insult is probably what he's expecting, if you want to catch him of guard, accept, it's funny bc wait?? what?? deadass??

if y'all are friends he's trying to explain it was a joke without sounding like a loser 🤧

probably snores

if you wake him up bc he's snoring too loud he's gonna go on about how he needs his beauty rest so excuse you

stelle!

honestly, I think she would enjoy chill nights

like she's everywhere all the time during the day, so calm nights are a nice break, plus she's tired from the day

you two do some small activities, like maybe playing a game, or reading, or just talking, maybe watching a movie

the room lights are dim too! off during a movie :)

I feel like she would have a seal plushie..

won't go to sleep until you say when because she doesn't want to make you feel pressured to sleep at the same time as her

though if you take too long she'll probably nod off in a beanbag

offers you her bed too! let's you sleep with her seal plushie if you want (if you have plushies then let her sleep with one at the next sleepover pleasee)!!

skin care together!! you can use each other's headbands for the night, just for fun :)

caelus!

he also doesn't say when he wants to sleep because he doesn't want you to feel pressured

plus I feel like it's hard for him to get to sleep anyway, so it's not hard for him to stay up

will take an interest in your items if you brought any knick knacks over

like a ring holder, music box, fidget toy, figurine, etc etc

he wants to see what it does and know the story behind it if you have one

honestly, just wants to spend time with you, doesn't care what you do, so it's up to you!

be warned, if you do each other's nails, he's not great at it and will end up getting quite a bit on your skin and the polish on your nails might (will) be a big lumpy

but he does his best! might even try to make a design on it if you ask, though it comes out unrecognizable (he's still happy with it if you are, also, gets happy if he sees you still wearing it a while after!)

once it's time for sleep he'll turn out the lights and plug in his nightlight (apologizes profusely if it bothers you, he can't sleep without it though)

sleeps on a pallet next to the bed while you sleep on the bed

also has a plushie! it's a grey cat

it typically sits on his desk, he only sleeps with it if he's having a particularly hard night, so you can sleep with it if you want

just make sure to put it back on the desk tomorrow though

[coconutcordiale]

hi! congratulations on 500!!🥳✨

could i request roommates with rooster for the bingo if it hasn’t been taken already? 🤍

you taste just like sundays (dripping off my tongue)

pairing- rooster x female!reader

warnings- 18+ minors DNI, dom bradley, oral (m receiving), degradation kink, probably not a good idea to fuck your roommate if i'm being honest but live ur life, the ‘miles teller is a mean dom so let’s pretend rooster is too’ club unites at dawn (or whenever I get around to posting this)

length- 3.3k

an- thank you so much!!! i'm sorry this took so long :( and of course apologies if this is not your thing i just run away in wild directions with these prompts

500 follower celly prompts are done yay! only took me over a month 🙃

title from u taste like sundays by łaszewo. i thought it was funny because i'm immature

You’re debating the merits of Kodiak Cakes versus Eggo frozen waffles on a late-night shopping run when you hear your name coming from a familiar voice.

You try not to tense up, but the smile on your face feels like plastic when you turn around to see the blonde. “Justin, hi.”

“I can see why you didn’t want me to come in last night.”

You pause. That’s one hell of a greeting.

Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you let the freezer door slam shut, a gush of cold air raising the hair on your arms. “What?”

He gives a pointed look towards Bradley, who wandered from you moments before Justin waltzed up, still in his uniform. “Didn’t take you for a tag chaser.”

You fight the sudden urge to roll your eyes obnoxiously.

“He’s my roommate,” you respond through gritted teeth.

At least you know for sure you made the right call to not sleep with Justin last night after your mediocre date, no matter how frustrated you’ve been lately, no matter how much he reminds you of a poor woman’s Austin Butler.

He may be pretty, but he's still a dick.

Given that you don’t actually know Austin Butler, you can only hope he’s less of a dick than this guy.

Justin scoffs, “Sure, he is.”

You didn’t mind Justin’s cocksureness when you first met him in line at your favorite coffee shop, liked it even. He paid for your iced oat milk latte, forward and confident in a way only men who always got what they wanted could be.  

When he brought up taking you to dinner, it hadn’t even been a question, not really. You were surprised at how much you didn’t hate the inevitability that existed in his suggestion, like he always knew you’d say yes.

But then, he spent the entire date talking about himself, hardly letting you get a word in edgewise, and had the audacity to get angry when you didn’t invite him into your bed. So, now, you kind of want to wring his neck, twisting until the last bit of his undeserved, obnoxious pride is depleted from his annoyingly muscled body.

“Is this the fruit you like for your smoothies?” Bradley asks, oblivious, as he ambles back up to you with a red bag boasting tropical fruit blend on the front.

When you don’t answer, too busy grinding your teeth together and imagining what it'd be like to knee this overgrown frat boy in the balls, Bradley looks up from the bag, spine straightening as he clocks the tension between you and Justin.

“Hey man,” your mustached roommate says slowly, carefully, extending a hand towards Justin. “I’m Bradley.”

Justin stares at the outstretched hand in disgust and it drops back to Bradley’s side. You finally give in to the urge to roll your eyes.

The thing is the last couple of guys you slept with were so courteous, so sweet, so nice. They were barely a cut above adequate, leaving you with an itch to scratch, discontent trembling beneath your skin.

By the time you ran into Justin, you were embarrassingly ready for someone bolder. Someone a little more confident, a little more willing to take charge.

Someone a little more like Bradley, your mind supplies.

Shut up, you shouldn’t even know that, you tell it.

Unfortunately for you and your imagination, you do, in fact, know that Bradley would likely check every box that you’re looking for. The thin walls of your shared apartment ensured that months ago.

Lies to yourself aside, two minutes into a bruschetta appetizer with Justin, you had realized he was likely only going to take charge in disappointing, selfish, and unsatisfying ways.

“Don’t waste your time with her,” Justin tells him, acid dripping from every syllable. “She’s a fucking cock tease.”

Bradley’s eyes flash in anger, the bag crinkling audibly as he takes out his ire on frozen fruit. “You sure that’s something you want to have said to me?”

You watch Justin size him up, probably noting the couple of inches your roommate has on him.

“She’s not worth this shit,” he spits before turning on his heel to stalk out of the aisle.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight for a moment when he leaves, ignoring Bradley’s eyes on you. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Bradley nods tersely, silently following you to the checkout line, waffles forgotten.

+

“That’s the guy you had over last night?” Bradley asks finally when you two make it back home and are busy putting things away, disdain ringing clear through the apartment.

“No, I didn’t let him come up,” you snap, knowing it comes out a little harsher than your roommate deserves. “He called me a cock tease, remember? Because apparently letting him buy me dinner means I’m supposed to put out.”

He puts his hands up in defense. “Sorry.”

The silence stretches out awkwardly between you, the refrigerator humming as you try to focus all your attention on the absurd number of cereal boxes in the pantry.

“It just sounded like you were having a good time when I got home last night,” he mumbles.

You freeze, wondering if it’s possible to will a blush back down your body. How did you not hear him come in last night?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rooster,” you manage a flippant tone you don’t feel at all, continuing to move things around the cupboard haphazardly.

“Didn’t mean to overstep,” he says innocently, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter across from you in your tiny galley kitchen. “I’m not judging, more impressed, didn’t know you were such a player. Going out with one guy, calling another over after.”

“I didn’t,” you defend without thinking, and you immediately want to slap your hand over your mouth.

You can feel the heat of his body at your back now, and silently will your hands to stay steady as you organize cereal boxes.

The man is such a slut for Shredded Wheat. He’s probably the only person keeping them in business at this point.

You wish you didn’t find his penchant for shitty cereal as endearing as you do.

“Oh?” He says, but there’s a shift in his tone, voice at least a couple of octaves lower now. “So, you didn’t booty-call some guy named Bradley after you kicked blondie to the curb?”

Your mouth drops open in shock. What a little shit.

You exhale shakily, knowing there’s no way you can fight the pink rising to your cheeks now. “I don’t know what you thought you heard—”

“Don’t be like that, princess,” he rumbles in your ear, sending chills all the way down your spine. “Next you’re gonna tell me it was just a dream.”

You bite your lip. How could he possibly know that was the excuse you were going to try?

He chuckles, something wicked lighting up his coffee-colored eyes as he turns you around and backs you against the counter, pulling boxes out of your hands and tossing them in the pantry without looking. “Fine, I’ll bite. What did you dream about?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” you whisper, refusing to meet his eyes.

Unfortunately for your dwindling self-control, this puts your gaze right at his chest where his flight suit is partially unzipped, tan skin glowing against his black undershirt.

It’s clear he’s taunting you now. “That so? Have those dreams about me a lot?”

You furrow your brows. It’s hard to think with him this close, the spice of his aftershave muddling your senses. “That’s…not what I meant.”

“I have those ‘dreams’ about you too. Never knew you felt the same, or I might’ve said something before.”

You’re torn between elbowing him in the ribs for his obvious air quotes and dropping to your knees at the sheer dominance he’s exuding that threatens to choke you in this tiny kitchen.

Bradley must sense your hesitation because his fingers begin rubbing soothing circles at the pulse points on your wrists.

“I could tell you what I did after I heard your gorgeous voice moaning my name,” he offers, gently, softer than you expect, given he’s spent the last five minutes barely holding back his amusement.

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak.

He trails a hand up your side, leaving goosebumps underneath the thin material of your t-shirt. “Was hard as a fucking rock, baby, you sounded so beautiful. Came in my fist thinking about how wet you must’ve been dreaming about me.”

“It wasn’t a dream,” you admit, still quiet.

He smirks at that. “I know.”

Glaring at him, there’s an accusation lacing your words. “You also knew I didn’t sleep with him last night.”

You want to smack the smug look right off his rosy cheeks when he agrees, “He doesn’t look like a Bradley.”

You don’t, though, eyes drifting to where your hands are trapped against the counter, Bradley’s weight pinning you still.

“I know what you need,” he murmurs, voice like caramel in your ears.

“And what’s that?” You fire back with a strength you don’t feel, desperately trying to maintain some semblance of control over this situation that’s rapidly spiraling.

Bradley is unphased by your attitude. “I think you know, otherwise you’d have invited him up here.”

You remain defiantly silent, hoping your expression remains blank. His mouth twitches upwards as he sees right through you.

“Why didn’t you let him come up, baby?”

You avert your eyes, uncomfortable under his intense gaze because directed at you, you’ve never seen his eyes quite like this.

Bradley isn’t exactly known for being even-keeled, his temper often flaring as he lets people get under his skin. But he’s never been like that with you, never stared at you with anything but puppy dog brown eyes.

Until now.

Now, there’s a fire lighting them up. A fire you always assumed was reserved for flying multi-million-dollar airplanes or arguing with Jake Seresin.

Despite that, his voice is eerily calm when he hooks a finger under your chin, forcing your attention upwards. “Answer me, princess.”

“Knew he couldn’t give me what you can.”

Pink lips quirk up fully at that. “And how would you know that? Heard me before?”

Heat rushes to your cheeks in answer, and you find yourself fighting the urge to duck your head again.

“Did that make you jealous, baby?”

You let out a small breath and gather the last of your courage. “A little. Mostly just made me wet.”

Bradley unleashes a dry chuckle that has you running hot and cold with embarrassment before he speaks again, low and gravelly.

“Better than me. Makes me fucking angry,” he grumbles in your ear. “The thought of that idiot’s hands on you.”

It’s finally your turn to smirk, although it feels a little weak in the face of his intensity. “It’s a good thing I’ve always kept my dates away when you were home then, huh?”

Bradley’s mouth presses together in a hard line, expression turning to stone. You know you shouldn’t be proud of the way his grip tightens on your wrists, the way his nostrils flare in irritation. You take advantage of his momentary lapse to switch your positions, pressing him back against the counter.

You want nothing more than to get your mouth on him and drive every memory of other girls from his mind. You weren’t lying when you said you weren’t jealous at the time, but you can’t help the competitive part of you that wants him to know he won’t find anyone else like you.

Before you can, he grabs you by the elbows, pulling you to him for a filthy kiss. Your first kiss.

Huh.

You want to laugh, suddenly, that you were ready to have your mouth well acquainted with his cock before you even got to kiss him.

Bradley sucks in a sharp breath once you break away from his lips, eyes pools of black as he notices you trying to move to the floor. “Gonna get on your knees and take care of me?”

“Well, I have to make sure you forget those girls somehow,” you tease, sliding your hands across his abs as you shift downwards.

“If I had thought for a second I could have you instead they never would’ve made it past the front door.”

You roll your eyes at him for patronizing you but busy yourself tugging down the zipper of his flight suit instead of saying something that’ll get you in trouble.

Mouthing at his hardening cock over his boxer briefs, your fingers toy with his waistband but don’t pull them down. You’re fighting back a giggle, giddy and feeling pretty proud of yourself as you listen to his breath catch, as you see his hands grip the counter behind him.

When he opens his mouth there might as well be ice in his breath, a warning in his tone that sends shivers straight to your core. “Don’t tease me, baby, you’ll regret it.”

You acquiesce, pressing your lips together to hold in a smile, thinking it’ll go unnoticed but Bradley’s eyes flare anyways.

“Was gonna be sweet to you,” he drawls. “But I don’t think that’s what you want. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be trying to rile me up.”

Your eyes are stuck on where he strains against his black briefs, words becoming harder and harder to form the longer you perch on the tile floor.

He runs a strong finger across your jaw and you swallow hard in anticipation. “Harder to tell me than it is to push and try my patience, isn’t it?”

All you can manage is a tiny nod.

“Answer me,” Bradley says again, but this time the words are harsh, steel bracing his tone. "Use your words, princess."

You bite your lip, trying not to moan at the hand he’s busy tangling in your hair. He notices, because of course he does, and tugs, pulling the words from you.

“No, sweet is not what I want,” you whisper, blinking up at him slowly.

He grins at that, and you shudder at how mean, how mischievous that expression looks.

Bradley grabs your hands, placing them on his thighs. “Pinch here if it’s too much. If any of it’s too much.”

You raise your eyebrows at him but nod again, more confident this time, licking your lips eagerly.

The bastard laughs. You’re a little sheepish at the way the sound makes you clench around nothing.

“Should’ve known you’d be desperate for a cock in your throat.”

You try not to shift too obviously at his words, unable to stay still as you ignore your own need.

He pulls himself out and your eyes widen at the sight. Your first thought is how sore your jaw is going to be tomorrow.

Your second is that you do not care one bit as long as you get your mouth on him immediately.

Unmoved by the impatience playing itself out across your forehead, Bradley’s other hand goes back to your chin, thumb roughly pushing in to pry your lips apart. You hollow your cheeks around his finger, fluttering your lashes and making a show of it, pride swelling in your chest when he groans.

Your mind has all but turned off as his thumb retreats so he can replace it with his cock, and your tongue darts out to lick his slit, following down to drag across the vein on the underside.

The hitch in his breath almost makes you regret your hands frozen in place on his muscular thighs, lamenting letting him take the lead completely, fire burning deep within you to take him apart with your mouth.

There’s always next time.

Next time, you think wildly, hoping to whatever higher power there’s an unlimited number of next times that’ll make permanently altering your friendship worth it.

Meeting his eyes, they’re darker than you’ve ever seen them, and you can’t help the muffled whimper that leaves you as you feel him sliding deeper, relaxing your jaw as best as you can as he builds a steady rhythm.

It’s probably better like this anyways; lips stretched around his thick length, spit pooling messily at the corners of your mouth, tears forming as he presses himself in, in, in, choking you.

It’s got to be better like this; on your knees, Bradley’s fingers tangled in your hair, your panties ruined where slick pools between your thighs, each thrust driving every remaining thought from your head.

It’s definitely better like this; Bradley fucking your mouth with abandon and making you take it, watching the sinful curl of his lips through blurry, glassy eyes, the struggle to breathe settling something that’s been aching in the back of your brain for months now.

“Not gonna last very long,” he warns, hand drifting down to the front of your neck, hips stuttering ever so slightly when he feels the bulge of his cock there.

That’s hot as fuck, you think hazily amidst the fuzz inside your head. Whether it’s the fact that he can see himself in your throat, the lack of oxygen going to your head, or him being on the edge so quickly - you don’t know.

You don’t care. Nothing exists beyond the weight of his cock on your tongue, his rough thrusts in and out making your clit beg for attention.

“The way you look right now—fuck, you were made to be on your knees with my cock in that pretty mouth, weren’t you, baby?”

It should be demeaning, but all it does is make you press your thighs together to quell the heat lighting itself through you, searching for some sort of relief.

Bradley shifts back until the tip is left in, only the distressed whine you let out keeping him from pulling out completely. You push back down, as much as you can with him still holding on tight.

His jaw slackens in surprise, a groan rumbling from his chest. “Greedy little slut, aren’t you? Gonna take all of me, want my cum down your throat?”

All you can manage is a pathetic mewl in response, eyes desperate and pleading.

Rhythm faltering, he pumps into your mouth just a few more times before cumming with a shudder. Your hands flex against the green material beneath them as you swallow around him, salt on your tongue.

“You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, a fucking wet dream,” Bradley pants after he’s ridden out his high, pulling you up from the floor and against his chest.

In a show of brute strength, he hooks his arms under your legs and carries you swiftly across the short distance to your room, laying you down on your soft baby blue comforter. You’re so taken aback that you don’t even think to complain about him wearing his gross flight suit in your bed.

His chest is still rising and falling rapidly as he arranges you next to him and frustratingly does not touch anywhere that Jesus wouldn’t approve of, instead massaging your sore knees with affectionate, gentle sweeps of his fingers.

You’re trying not to rub your thighs together too obviously, trying to give him time to recover without letting the need thrumming through you take over.

Bradley drops a kiss on your forehead and rolls over to the other side of the bed. “Alright, baby, goodnight.”

Your jaw, even sore as it is already, drops in surprise, outrage plain as day on your face as you grab his shoulder in protest. When you roll him back over to you, he’s shaking with silent laughter, eyes crinkling at the edges.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Bradley coos, condescension filling the air between you as he presses you back onto the pillows, thumbs moving to smooth out the angry lines on your face. “Hope you slept in this morning, it’s gonna be a long night.”

[laurensxdeath]

Fate

Emily Prentiss x reader

Emily is your soulmate, but you're convinced you aren't hers. (soulmate/soulmark au)

Thanks @ghost-rattan for helping me with this :)

When you turn 15, your soulmate's name appears on your wrist. Emily Prentiss.

You find her when you join the FBI. You're wearing long sleeves that day, so she doesn't notice her name tattooed on your wrist as you shake hands. You decide it's probably best to keep it this way for now, and you continue wearing long sleeved shirts to work everyday.

You like Emily, more than you probably should for knowing someone such a short amount of time.

It starts soon after you join the team. She welcomes you, as do the rest of the team. But with her it's different. She makes you feel like you really belong, you haven't had that before. Maybe that's why it started.

It's about after a month you've joined the team, You, Emily, JJ And Penelope are all having a girl's night. After being questioned relentlessly by Penelope about her soulmate, Emily tells everyone.

"Yes, I've met her. We've been dating for a while and just moved in together" she says, rolling her eyes. Your heart shatters. Emily was in love with someone else. To caught up in the conversation, you excuse yourself to get another drink and no one notices as you slip out of the apartment.

You just drive around in your car aimlessly for a while, thinking. You eventually end up back at your apartment. You park your car and check your phone. It had been blown up with notifications from the girls' asking where you went. You sigh before typing out a response.

JJ

Y/n/n where did you go? Call me back please, we're worried about you.

- 10:47PM

Hey JJ, sorry I wasn't feeling

well and needed to clear my head. Im alright, didn't mean to make you stress. -11:07PM

You unlock your door, tears leaking from your eyes. Frustratedly you wipe them away and go to bed. You find it difficult to sleep, just laying in bed thinking. You eventually drift off.

You wake up to your alarm buzzing. You hadn't slept much. You eat and shower, you search your closet for what to wear. As you reach for a shirt your wrist catches your eye. Emily's name. You take a deep breath, and try to forget about it. It didn't matter anyway.

You'd do what you'd always done when you caught feelings for someone, you'd distance yourself until you got over them.

At least there wasn't a case today, not that paperwork was much fun. You just didn't feel like you could think about anything else properly today.

You walk out of the elevator and Emily's the first to greet you. "Hey Y/n! You feeling alright today? JJ mentioned that's why you left early last night" you grit your teeth, not wanting to talk about it.

"Yeah, much better" she frowns as if she doesn't believe you. "You know you can talk to me?" She reaches for your hand and you don't meet her eyes. "Yeah, I know" you say as you walk away. You glance back over her shoulder and see her frowning at you. Maybe it's best you weren't near her right now.

You make your way over to Garcia's room and she greets you enthusiastically. You give her a small half smile and she questions if you're still feeling off.

"Yeah, a little" you tell her. She frowns at you. "What's the matter?" You sigh. "I'm sorry, I really don't want to talk about it right now" you tell her. She nods. "Okay but I'm here when you're ready!" You smile at her. "Thanks Pen"

You make an instant coffee, and walk back to your desk to get started. You place your earphones in to block out the world around you and manage to work undisturbed until lunch.

You feel a tap on your shoulder. You take an earphone out and turn around to see Emily. "Hey, it's lunch. Have you eaten yet?" You shake your head. "No, I've been working I'll have something later" she frowns. "work can wait a few minutes, let's go get something to eat" you want to, but remind yourself that you're trying to get over her. and the best way to do that is by avoiding her. "I'll have something later, Emily. I want to finish this" she looks sad. Can't she just ask JJ or someone? She walks away and you put your earphone back in.

She walks back in a few minutes later, puts a sandwich on your desk and goes back to her own work. You're starting to hate the butterflies she gives you.

At the end of the day you rush out to your car, hoping she won't try to talk to you again. You drive back to your apartment and immediately get changed into cooler clothes, you could finally wear short sleeves now that you're back.

You turn on the tv and watch that for a few hours. It's good to focus on something other than Emily.

You're about to get up to order takeaway, but you hear a knock at your door. You pause the tv and go to answer it. You open the door and find Emily there.

"Emily?" She smiles. "Hey Y/n/n. Can I come in?" You give a small nod and move out of the way. She gestures for you to follow her and you both sit down on the couch. You fold your arms, unconsciously keeping your tattooed wrist hidden.

"I can tell something's going on with you, you're upset about something and pushing me away. Why?" You don't answer right away, you just sit there with your arms folded while you stare at the ground. "Nothing is wrong Emily. I don't know what you hope to achieve by coming here" you tell her, but she still isn't convinced.

She reaches for your hand and her fingers gently trace against your wrist, you don't even register that it's not covered. "Y/n/n? What's this?" She's says. You freeze.

Fuck. You weren't wearing long sleeves. She'd seen her name on your wrist. You yank your hand back from her gentle grip, as you stand up and wrap your arms around yourself.

You can feel tears pooling in your eyes and you force yourself to breathe normally even though you're panicking.

"I think you should go, Emily" you don't look at her. "Y/n, look at me. Please" you feel sick. She wasn't supposed to find out. She's already met her soulmate.

Tears start to spill from your eyes and you wipe them away quickly. Emily stands in front of you and takes your hand again, but you still refuse to look at her. "Y/n/n, Look at my wrist" you meet her eyes, before looking down at her wrist.

She's removed her watch, that once covered a tattoo of her soulmark. Of your name.

Emily interlaces her fingers with yours. "You're my soulmate too, y/n" you're to confused to speak yet, didn't she have a soulmate already?

"Is this why you've been acting off lately? Why you left Garcia's that night without telling anyone? I remember you only left after we started talking about my partner" You pull your hand back and lean against the wall behind you, crossing your arms in front of you.

"I know you already have a partner Em, this doesn't have to mean anything" you tell her. You wouldn't make her choose. You shut your eyes and try to stop crying as your head rests on the wall behind you.

You only open your eyes again as you feel Emily's hand rest gently on your cheek, wiping away your tears. "Y/n/n, I'm not dating anyone. I only said that to Garcia so she'd leave the topic alone. I love you, you're my soulmate" she says, resting her forehead against yours.

You smile up at her as you lightly thread your fingers through her hair and kiss her gently.

"I love you too, Emily"

I'm still fairly new to writing, feedback is appreciated :)

[ballerinainskzville]

Voice Mail - Felix

Summary: your boyfriend, Felix, who’s currently on his first world tour, promised to call after the concert when you messaged him that you had a bad day. While waiting for his call, you fell asleep so he sent you a voice mail instead

Currently thinking of turning this into a series, thoughts anyone?

"Hi Y/N, my angel...

I'm so sorry that it took longer for me to wrap up my schedule for today, you must have waited a long time for me. I promised to be there for you and I failed. I failed you. Which breaks my heart because you needed me today and I wasn’t on my not by your side but couldn’t even be there for you through a call to cheer you up. You must have waited a lot and I’m sorry for that too… I hope you’re having sweet dreams, tomorrow will hopefully be more kind to you. I’ll make it up to you thousands times for today, I promise!

My heart is truly aching that I can't be with you when you're struggling at work. That I can't be there for you, someone to hold onto when you come home. All I can currently do is to assure you that you're doing amazing and that I'm so endlessly proud of you.

Your hard work will pay off. And l'm not only saying this as your boyfriend, but from experience too ahaha...Eventho, between us two, you’re the one who learns new things faster….

To be honest… l'm having some trouble sleeping lately. Something about your presence, having you close to me as I sleep the smell of your hair, the warmth of your body when I wake up next to you... I need it. And I miss it. Like a lot a lot. Double a lot. I can't wait to reunite with you as soon as I step back home.

…to admire that beautiful face of yours, to kiss those lips that whisper my name, to hold you close to me instead of seeing each other on screen. Which gets even harder with my connection problems, the hotel wifi is worse than our Chan hyung’s wifi… yes, that’s actually possible…

But being honest, any contact with you is better than not being able to talk to you at all. Eventho i wish to be together with you physically, this is at least something. Which is better than nothing, right?

I keep reaching out to you in my sleep, when I'm half awake, thinking you're next to me. But of course, you're not in my bed but back home. I was so lonely the other day that I slept over at Changbin hyung’s bed. I can’t sleep alone and without my angel by my side, I can’t really rest..

Because I'm away. So I just reach out to the cold darkness…. and my heart sinks at realization. God, I just wish I could be next to you right now, holding you in my arms as I watch you sleep peacefully. Playing with your hair, counting the freckles on your cheeks.

Assuring you that you're going to make it through this rough time. I long to touch you, to kiss you. I can't spend another split second away from you.

Did I ever tell you how much I admire you? You're the strongest, most amazing person l've ever met. Your work ethic, your kindness and the way you always try to see the best in people no matter how bad someone appears to be, is truly admirable and only some of the things I love so infinitely about you. The way your eyes lit up when you win against me at Mario kart, it makes my heart skip a beat and I fall even more in love with you each time.

even miss our tickle fights and how we end up cuddling afterwards, miss it all. I miss you. I miss you a lot...

I'm so proud of you, baby. Because despite the struggles, you're working hard and are determinate to push past the obstacles. Never underestimate your worth, baby. You're amazing and made to achieve big things. Especially, your own dreams. You've worked so hard, it won't be in vain. I'm sure of that.

Can I actually tell you a little secret? I'm sure you know it already ahaha... I'm so in love with you.

I can't wait to be with you again. I'm not going to let you go once you're back in my arms. Lots of cuddles, kisses and cookies, okay?

I'll let you sleep now... I mean, you're already sleeping but I don't know how to come up with a good ending for this voice mail... I love you, baby.

Don't ever forget that”

[letstrythisout4]

Chapter 6: Blaise Zabini and the overlooked allies

Series Masterlist

Ever since Halloween, Blaise had been growing increasingly uncomfortable in the Slytherin dormitories and common room, nothing compared to the atmosphere of Hufflepuff common room. He couldn’t tell if it was because of how willing the Hufflepuff first years were to allow Blaise to join them for breakfast, or how he abruptly realized how kind Professor Sprout was to all of her students (even those who refuse to respect her) or just how…homey the atmosphere of the Hufflepuff common room was. Isabella seemed to have picked up on this - despite Blaise being careful to have never voiced his opinions - and had begun to invite (read drag ) him there more frequently (read all the time). 

Seemingly Isabella’s plan came into effect, gaining him many Hufflepuff … acquaintances. He formed quick connections with all of the Hufflepuffs of his year, except Smith, once he finally met Hannah Abbott who had slept through his first meeting with the Hufflepuffs in the kitchens. They would now invite him into games of Exploding Snap, Wizards’ Chess and study sessions held, absurdly late at night before and after their midnight Astronomy class, weekly. And the older students had warmed up to him once realizing that he was friends with Isabella, apparently she had established a reputation as a great judge of character in the short months she’d been at Hogwarts.

Which is why Blaise was incredibly confused when he walked into the Astronomy tower and saw Isabella chatting with Theodore Nott of all people as Theo was setting up his telescope, enjoying her company if his soft laughter was anything to judge by. Blaise aggressively cleared his throat as he fully entered the room, fiddling with his astronomy chart.

“Hey Blaise.” Isabella chimed as if nothing was strange about the exchange he just witnessed.

“Hey Reyes.” Blaise responded shortly, deciding to question her thoroughly at the Hufflepuff meet up after class.

He spent the rest of class trapped in his mind running through all the possible reasons as to why the two would be speaking together.

“Mr. Zabini! Can you share with the class the current ascension and declination of Jupiter?” Professor Sinistra asked, tired of his lack of productivity.

“Yes, Professor. Right ascension is 03h 01m 05s, declination +16 degrees, 16 seconds, 07 minutes.” Blaise stated slowly.

“Thank you.” She said, narrowing her eyes at his dragged out answer.

Later that evening Blaise wandered into the Hufflepuff common room, briefly greeting students as he made his way to sit next to Isabella on the floor near the fire.

“Reyes, quick question for you.” She hummed without looking up from her astronomy essay, “What- hm- since when- hmm- since when are you friends with Theodore Nott?” he eventually stammered out .

“Oh, Theo!”

Theo? I don’t even call him Theo, and I’ve known him since we were seven.

“ Just a bit before I became friends with you sooooo”, she tilted her head side to side, “about mid-September, why?” she mumbled clearly not paying him much attention.

Blaise didn’t answer, he was too busy wondering how Isabella survived this long. “No reason, I’m really tired. I'm going to head down to the dorms. Goodnight, Reyes.” he blurted out as he smoothly got up, trying not to alert her.

“Night Blaise.”, she muttered, still not paying his attention.

The second Blaise was out of sight he ran all the way down to the Slytherin dungeons, outpacing Ms. Norris and narrowly dodging Peeves’ dung bombs. Only to hear a posh voice call to him upon entering the common room, “Zabini, can I talk to you for a second?”

Perfect, just the man I wanted to speak to, Blaise thought as he took the armchair next to Theo’s. “What do you want to talk about Nott?”

“Your girlfriend actually. She is making quite a few enemies recently, we may need to step in soon.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Sure. Listen Zabini, I don’t know if she told you but the older students have taken…an interest in her.” Theo raised his eyebrows with purpose.

Blaise instantly knew what he was talking about, the bullying and harassment that Isabella was open to because of her heritage, blood status and race. He wasn’t even necessarily worried about the Slytherin’s in his year, the older students could be far more cruel and dangerous than Malfoy and his entourage could dream to be. “How much interest?”

“Enough for her to prove herself to be a great duelist but not enough to discourage them. They’ve decided instead of taking her on one on one, they're going to attack her as a unit, soon.” - he held up a hand when he saw Blaise go to speak- “I don’t know how soon but soon enough that people are starting to sound excited that someones going to finally “teach her a lesson”. And we-” we pointed to the two of them ”-need to warn her and stand beside her, together.”

“Okay but why are you warning me, what’s in it for you?” Blaise added, “Specifically.” as to not allow Theo room to avoid his question.

Theo leaned in, “ Believe it or not, Reyes and I are friends. And you and I both don't want to see your girlfriend get attacked by the older students. And we both don’t like this blood supremacy bullshit.” he whispered after his eyes darted around the empty common room.

It was well known in the Wizarding World that Tiberius Nott was a Death Eater, a good one, a deadly one and a rumored unapologetic one. No one quite knows how he managed to escape Azkaban, no one knows the details of his hearing and all of his documentation is private. All anyone knows is that he only affiliates himself with purebloods who were involved with You-Know-Who and advocates strongly and loudly for the anti-muggleborn laws to be passed, as he has somehow maintained his seat in Wizengamot.

“Since when do you not believe in it?” was the only question Blaise had left.

“Since I was eight.” Theo muttered, his shoulders sagging as if he finally had a weight lifted off of him.

They sat in silence watching as The Giant Squid cast a shadow over the room, “Alright we’ll work together to help her.” Blaise said, holding out his hand to Theo.

With a firm handshake Theo agreed with a simple “Deal.”

They decided to not tell Isabella until after the holidays as there were only three days before everyone boarded the train to go home, they also agreed it would be best to warn the rest of the ‘puffs of the attack as they would be able to be around her far more than Blaise and Theo. The Hufflepuffs took the news surprisingly well, they already knew about Isabella’s run-ins with the older students, and Blaise saw their eyes hardened with determination as they promised to make sure Isabella didn’t face off the Slytherins alone. Blaise spent the last days completing busy work in his classes, lounging around the Hufflepuff common room and keeping a close eye on Isabella in case Theo and his assumption was wrong.

Thankfully the days passed without issue and Blaise watched as Isabella, bundled up in a thick robe, oversized Hufflepuff yellow scarf and mittens, boarded the train with her Hufflepuffs. They were surrounding her with Wayne casually observing their surroundings for potential threats. The train ride was uneventful; the only difference between this time and the beginning of the year is Blaise would catch Theo’s eyes and they would both subtly shake their heads at Draco’s dramatics. 

As the train slowed pulling up to the station, Blaise gathered his things and rushed to the doors, ready to go home. Over the past few months he had written to his mother weekly but his letters were admittedly vague as he felt so awkward describing everything to his mother in written words, he always finished his letters with “ I’ll tell you more when I get home.” Now that the time had finally arrived Blaise felt as if he were going to burst if he didn’t get to tell his mom everything now. The doors opened and there she was Elizabeth Zabini in the flesh wearing her hair in long butterfly locs decorated with silver jewelry, and wearing expensive purple robes. He immediately rushed to her, enveloping her in a hug which she instantly reciprocated, Blaise didn’t care how he looked, all he cared was that he was going home. He had grown comfortable with Isabella and the ‘puffs but he couldn’t confide in them as he did his mother. 

His mother rubbed his back gently, “Shall we grab your things and head home my love?”

Nodding eagerly Blaise let go and went to the cargo compartment of the train to gather his things (grateful he remembered to place a featherlight charm before leaving Hogwarts). He heard behind him, “Your mom looks as kind as you described her.” a soft voice he had become so familiar with remarked.

“She does, doesn't she?” he said with a smile as he turned to Isabella with a new found respect for her for the way she described his mother. “Where are your parents?” he asked, looking out a window at the mass of people in the station, searching for the people that Isabella talked so little about compared to how much Blaise told her about his mother. 

“Oh they're waiting for me in a taxi on the other side of the barrier. They don’t really trust …all of this.” she whispered vaguely, uncharacteristically nervously, as she used her hand to gesture to the sea of witches and wizards.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” she said with a grim smile. “Well I’m off, I don’t have an owl so I’ll give you your gift after break.” She grabbed her things and strut confidently into the barrier despite Blaise seeing her eyes water.

He slowly walked towards his mother, feeling as if someone had just dropped a boulder on his lungs. As he struggled to breathe he almost begged, “Mother, can we invite a friend of mine to stay for the last week of break?”

“Of course. Is something wrong?” she questioned her eyebrows furrowing.

‘I don’t know.” Blaise replied honestly.

Author's notes: this chapter was a pain in the ass yall. And i dont think its the longest chapter i've written. Sigh. i fought with this chapter like snoopy fought that chair in the thanksgiving charlie brown special that might be to niche but i don't care please tell me yalls thoughts in the comments, like if you enjoy and as always thanks for reading

[mirasmirages]

Scars (part 8)

first previous masterlist

Has: platonic co-sleeping, texting, pizza, nightmares, scar reveal, torture mention, trial mention, fluff

James and his family belongs to @starliight-whump

~

James awoke after a night with no nightmares to find Henry climbing over him to get out of his bed.

"Hey," Henry said when their eyes met. "You're awake. I'm sorry I'm leaving, I have to get to work. Do you want me to come back later?"

James nodded, not yet fully awake. He stayed in bed for a while after Henry left, staring at the ceiling, taking in just how calm he felt. When was the last time he had slept like that?

He sat up and found his phone that he had turned off however many days ago. When he tried to turn it on it was out of power, so he plugged it in and waited for it to power up. When it did, the screen filled with missed calls from Julia, and messages from Henry.

Good morning :-)

Someone brought a service dog to the library today! A very good boy!

We got another penguin book today :-)

A picture of the penguin book.

Is everything okay?

Let me know if I'm bothering you.

I'm getting a bit worried. Did something happen?

Did I do something?

Met this little guy on my way to work.

A picture of a grey tabby cat.

Seriously, James, are you okay?

I'll give you some space if that's what you need.

Please text me so I know you're alive.

Henry had really worried about him. It made him feel guilty that he hadn't even taken the time to look at his phone.

Sorry, he texted.

It only took a minute for Henry to reply.

No worries! Thanks for talking to me.

James typed out several replies and deleted them before settling on a simple, Thank you.

-

Taking advantage of this unusual calm, James took a shower and washed his hair, shaved, and brushed his teeth for the first time in too long. It made him cringe to think how bad his breath must have been when Henry was there.

He went downstairs to find his mom in the kitchen, cleaning up after breakfast.

"James! You're up!"

She opened her arms in offer, and he let her give him a hug.

"You need to eat, sweetie. What do you want?"

James didn't really feel like eating, but he asked for cereal to make his mom happy. She sat at the table with him, looking hopeful and worried in equal amounts. He stirred his cereal with the spoon.

"Um, Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can we call the lawyer? I have to ask something."

Mom texted the lawyer, who called them not long after for a fifteen minute chat. At the end of it, James was exhausted, but less worried about the trial. The lawyer had promised Harrison wouldn't be there, and said James could record most of his testimony beforehand, so he would barely have to talk in front of people. It was still a lot, that he would have to talk through everything on video, but nowhere near as bad as if he'd had to do it in front of people, especially in front of Harrison.

He went back to bed after the call ended and stared at the wall for a few hours.

-

There was a knock on the door, and before James could answer, Henry let himself in. He was holding a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey," he said, and did a double take at James's cleaner appearance. "Wow, you look nice. I thought you might be hungry, so I brought food."

James sat up, and Henry placed the box between them on the bed and opened it.

"Does this count as more or less adult than frozen pizza?" James asked, taking a slice after Henry did.

"More," Henry said. "You need adult money to pay for takeout."

"I'm pretty sure you can buy a pizza with kid money too."

Henry shrugged. "Depends on the kid, I guess."

They ate together--Henry ate half a pizza and James managed two slices--and as it got late, James started worrying that Henry would leave. Would it be too much to ask him to stay over again? It would. But … he did say he wanted to help.

"Could you … could you stay? Tonight?"

"Of course I'll stay." Henry didn't even hesitate. "Just tonight? Or should I think about bringing a toothbrush and some extra clothes next time?"

James blushed. "Um. It's just … I didn't have any nightmares. Last night. It helped. You don't have to, if--"

"I'm not making fun of you," Henry said. "I'm happy to stay. I just like to be able to brush my teeth in the morning."

"I think we have extra toothbrushes."

-

When Henry came back the next day, he brought a bag with clothes and toiletries, and for the next few weeks, he was always there when James went to bed. Sometimes they spent the day together, and sometimes Henry was gone until the evening, but he always made sure to be there when James went to sleep and when he woke up.

James started going to therapy again, and gradually he spent more time out of bed. His nightmares weren't completely gone, but diminished enough that he usually woke up feeling like he had gotten some rest. The exception was the week he recorded his testimony, when he woke up every night kicking and screaming, trying to climb out of a too deep grave while Harrison filled it with dirt, trying to break out of the coffin, trying to get away while Harrison broke his bones and cut his skin and burned him.

"James."

"No, no, please! No more, stop, please!" James twisted, trying to break loose from the ropes holding him.

"James! Wake up, you're home!"

James flinched when the room filled with light, and squinted in confusion as the room turned out to be his bedroom, and not Harrison's basement. The person talking to him wasn't Harrison, it was Henry.

He didn't let Henry touch him at first, just sat on the edge of the bed staring at his shaking hands while he tried to remember how to breathe.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Henry asked.

James shook his head. He closed his hand around the point on his right arm where, under his clothes, Harrison's initials were burned into his skin. He didn't know if he could talk about it. There was too much to tell. Henry hadn't even seen his scars, always hidden under long sleeves and high necklines.

After a while, the shaking calmed, and Henry was able to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. James leaned against him, letting himself feel safe and protected.

"Can I show you?" The thought was out of his mouth before he could decide if it was a good idea or not.

"If you want."

Without giving himself time to change his mind, James pulled off his sweater. He could feel Henry go tense beside him, could hear the quiet gasp.

"James--"

"He liked knives." James ran his fingers over the scars covering his chest. "They were his favorite. He kept comparing it to me being a surgeon operating on people." He turned his arm so Henry could see the brand. "This is where he burned his initials, so everyone who saw it would--would know who I belonged to. And these," he pointed to the dark scars ringing his wrists, "are from when he decided to destroy my hands. He would tie them up too tight for hours, and then he made me play the piano, to see how much less I was able to do with each time. He broke my fingers too, but that didn't scar." He had scars on his back, too, but didn't point them out. Henry could see them well enough on his own. "A lot of it didn't leave scars." He didn't look at Henry. Wasn't sure he could handle seeing the pity on Henry's face.

"Shit, James." Henry moved as if he was going to touch James, but then thought better of it. He pulled up his own sleeve instead. "It's not the same, but … I started getting my tattoos to cover these." He showed James a series of small, puckered marks on his underarm. "My dad used to put out cigarettes on me when he was drunk. I kept doing it myself too, just so I could pretend it was no big deal."

James glanced up to meet Henry's eyes, then reached out to run his fingers over the colorful skin. The scars were old and faded, and with the limited sensation in his fingers, James could barely feel them at all. It made him angry to think of someone doing that to Henry. "How old were you?"

"Ten," Henry said. "At least I think that's when it started, after my mom died. He kept doing it until I came out at eighteen, and he threw me out."

Eight years. James had only had to get through one month. And when it was over, he had his entire family to take care of him. "That's horrible," he said.

Henry shrugged. "It was a long time ago. I didn't mean to make this about me, just that, you know. You choose what happens from here." He looked at the brand on James's arm. "It's your body, not his. You don't have to keep them like that if you don't want to."

James hadn't really thought about covering his scars in other ways than clothes. It wasn't as if a tattoo could hide the massive amount of scars he had. Laser treatments were an option, but again, he was covered in them. It was too much to ever get rid of completely. Still, doing something about the brand with Harrison's initials wouldn't be a bad idea. He didn't belong to him, so he shouldn't have a mark saying he did.

"Did it hurt?"

"Getting the tattoos? Yeah," Henry said, pulling his sleeve back down. "But it was worth it."

-

Henry came with him on the day of the trial, along with Julia and James's parents. They waited outside the courtroom until the videos were done playing, and then they went in, so James could tell the jury about his lasting injuries, and how he was unlikely to ever recover enough to go back to his job.

It went better than he had expected, and while he was a bit shaky at the end, he didn't feel the need to spend the rest of the day in bed. They wouldn't know the result of the trial for a few days yet, but the lawyer was confident Harrison would be found guilty.

That night before they went to bed, James took Henry's hand.

"Thank you for being here," he said. "I don't know how I would have managed without you these past few weeks."

Henry smiled. "I think you would've found a way even if I wasn't," he said. "You're stronger than you think. But I'm glad you chose to let it be me."

"Can I ask why? I mean … you have to have better things to spend your time on, right?"

"Because you're cute."

James's eyes flew to Henry's, surprised by such an open admission.

"I mean, that's not why I stayed. We're friends, and I like to help my friends. But at first? You were cute, and I had fun texting you, and I haven't figured out how to meet people without alcohol being involved."

"Oh," James said, not sure how to respond. Henry thought he was cute. And he thought Henry was … cute wasn't quite the right word for it. Hot, more like it. Fascinating, funny and attractive, and he made James feel safe in a way no one else did. "I … huh."

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I'm happy staying as friends with platonic benefits, if that's what you want."

What did he want? James's eyes flitted around Henry's face, down to his lips, back up to his eyes. It felt like forever ago that he decided he wanted to do something about his crush, before the letter came and the trial took over his life. Now that the trial was over, he might actually be able to think about other things going forward. And Henry was very nice to think about.

"I think … that's not what I want," he said, testing out the truth of it as he spoke. "I like you. Like that. But … maybe we can take it slow?"

"Yeah?" The look on Henry's face was a mix of hopeful and happy that James had never seen before. "How slow are we talking?"

"Um … is it okay if we keep doing what we've been doing? For a while longer?"

"Yeah," Henry said. "Of course." He threw an arm around James's shoulders and pulled him close.

James closed his eyes and soaked in Henry's warmth, that solid body and unquestioning acceptance. Henry nuzzled his face against James's hair.

"Not that I mind waiting," Henry said after a minute, his voice almost too-casual. "But how long, do you think, before I get to kiss you?"

"Oh." James looked up. He didn't mind the thought of that at all. "I think … kissing is okay."

Henry's face broke into a grin. He cupped James's cheek in his hand "Yeah?"

James couldn't help but smile too. "Yeah."

[canirove]

Best friends… forever? | Chapter 17

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Masterlist

"Mila, why are you still here? Weren't you supposed to meet Rúben tonight?"

"Yeah, but he's running late, so I'm waiting until he gets home."

"Is he the one you are texting with?" Ella says, sitting on the sofa next to her.

"No, it's Fran."

"You still talk to each other?"

"Less often than before. But he is coming to Manchester tomorrow and has asked me to meet."

"To... Oh. City is playing against Betis, I had forgotten."

"Yep" Mila says. "He's asked me to go to the game and meet after."

"And are you going to? This year you haven't set a foot at the Etihad."

"Will you come with me? Joe will probably say yes."

"Mila..."

"C'mon" she pouts.

"If Rúben finds out you are going to see someone else, he's gonna be pissed. Definitely hurt. And you just started fixing things."

"I'll tell him about it tonight. But what do you say? Fran is waiting for an answer."

"Ok, fine" Ella says after thinking about it for a few seconds. "But I have a bad feeling about this."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"While we wait for our dinner..." Mila says. "There is something I wanted to ask you about."

"Ok.”

"Would you mind if I go to tomorrow's game?"

"No, of course not! I miss seeing you there" Rúben smiles.

"Great.”

"But are you going to watch me play, or someone else?"

"Someone else?"

"Someone who plays for Betis, for example."

"For Betis?" Mila asks with a nervous laugh.

"I know you are familiar with their striker. I saw you together on a photo from Cádiz."

"Oh, Fran" she chuckles. "He's just a friend."

"Then why didn't you tell me about him when we talked about the summer or having to play against Betis?"

"I don't know. It didn't seem important."

"I think it was important. You are blushing, slowly turning as red as your United shirt."

"I..."

"Mila, if we are going back to being friends, you should feel comfortable telling me anything. We should be able to trust each other."

"I just... I don't want to hurt you" she says, her voice almost a whisper.

"Why would you hurt me?" Rúben asks. But he knows the reason why. It's what he has been suspecting for a while. He just needs to hear her say it.

"Because I had something with Fran over the summer."

"Something?"

"We slept together" she says, not being able to look at him, her face burning.

"I see..."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you love him?" Rúben asks after a few seconds of silence that feel like an eternity.

"What? Love him? I just met the guy!"

"You still haven’t answered me. Do you love him? Is he the reason why you are going to tomorrow's game?"

"I don't love him, Rúben. We are just friends, and he asked me if I wanted to meet after the game and catch up."

"And are you meeting him?"

"That's the plan, yes."

"So if I wasn't playing against him, you would not come to my game, right?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you know, Mila" Rúben says, getting up from the sofa.

"What does that mean?"

"I think you should go back to Ella's."

"What?" she says, also getting up.

"I want to be alone. Please go."

"What... I..."

"Please, Mila" Rúben says, his eyes fixed on the floor.

"Fine" she says, grabbing her things and slamming the door as she leaves.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Mila?" Ella calls when she walks into the house, running towards her room.

"I think she was crying" says Joe, Ella’s boyfriend.

"Oh, fuck."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Mila?" Ella says, knocking on her door. "Mila, love, are you ok?"

"Leave me alone, please" she says between sobs.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"That you were right. I hurt Rúben and now he is mad at me."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's all my fault, it's ok."

"Do you need anything?"

"I just want to be alone."

"Ok... But if you need a hug, you know where I am" Ella says.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Good morning, Mila" Joe says when she walks into the kitchen.

"Good morning."

"How are we feeling today?" Ella asks her.

"Good. Ready for training?"

"You don't want to eat anything first?"

"I'll pick something when we arrive."

"So... About tonight's plans" Joe says while looking at Ella, who gives him a murderous look.

"We are going to the game" Mila says.

"Are you sure?" Ella asks her.

"I'm sure. My friend is coming to visit, and I want to see him."

"What about..."

“Me going or not, isn’t going to change anything, so” she shrugs.

“But this won’t make things get better either…”

“I don’t care. I’m not going to stop living my life because he is jealous.”

“He is on his right to be jealous, tho. Jealous, mad and hurt. He loves you” Ella says.

"And, again, I’m on my right to keep living my life.”

“Mila…”

“I'm driving, so don’t take too long" she says, turning around and leaving the kitchen.

"Good luck" Joe chuckles.

"Thank you. I'll need it" Ella sighs, following her friend.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Observations on ep 11:

I missed some details last week, so I'm going to try to be more observant today...let's see how I go.

Move on? 😦 Move in?! 😲

Loving the YOLO shirt 😂 I know it's the name of the bar but still...

YO SPITTING TRUTHS 😂😭 "I think my chances of winning the first prize lottery are greater than having an ideal boyfriend". I feel so called out...

Has anyone mentioned the iconic couple shirts that Yo and Plug are wearing in the credits?!

Also, I need more April in the show. (And hello, Nonnie's tattoo!)

Yeah, I stand by what I said to @grapejuicegay in our dms -> Mew does not love Top anymore. If he thinks he does it's more that he's in love with the potential of what they had...but that's all but destroyed. Mew (and Top...and Boeing tbf) need to move on (Ah! The ep title!), I bet they won't though.

I need Dan to be happy... Where's Poppy? I need him to come in and sweep Dan off his feet.

Hello Meen! 🔥 She's gorgeous and so young. Oh oh! Dan could meet her and have a noona romance!

Khaotung Thanawat what the fuck is your face (I will forever think this when he cries, thanks kk!)

Sorry to lay down some facts but you can't guarantee that anyone will stay with you after 3 months, 6 months, or a year. It doesn't matter what you've been through together, this is something you can never predict. And so that can't be the reason for not being with someone - and this goes for Yo as well as Boeing/Mew, because Yo was afraid that Plug wouldn't stick around.

And therefore, that's the correct question Mew - "Can I trust you, Boeing?" And it's not really about trust. It's about making a choice every day to be with that person regardless of what the future might hold.

Boston, Nick, and that random extra basically did that meme 😂

ANOTHER ONE FOR THE KISSING CHARTS!!

But also, I'm loving flirtatious confident sexy Nick. Such a development from when he met Boston.

MVP NICK!!

Oh so many parallels are paralleling this ep. Boston telling Atom he can't fall in love 'just because he's the first man he slept with'...which is what Nick realises he did... Oh DELICIOUS.

I'm glad we got an explicit 'no one person can turn you gay, it's just who you are and always have been'. A+ show, A+.

Poor Atom, but I think he got enough comeuppance. Well done Nick, really.

Sand is cute with the kids but I have to just say this kind of teasing/fabricated truths messed me up as a kid. Why can we just say what really happens rather than make up a lie to make kids do what they should do? Maybe I was too impressionable (or gullible) but I used to freak out at anything that could have been bad for me if someone told me it was 'dangerous'. Anyway, back to the show...

Top what are you doing there?! You've not been invi-

IS. THAT. THE. STRIPY. LININ. SHIRT?!

Hold on.... *wheezing* I can't... I... That's nine people now, NINE, who have worn this shirt. And how has no one tagged me about it yet?!

Wait no, I'm not over it yet. I can't believe that fucking shirt has shown up again. I can't deal with it.

Yes, Top, yes I do... Because it means Top and Mew have matching couple shirts...much like Kawi and Pisaeng. smh

Ok, back to the show proper. Mew, you know you have not given Top a chance. And he's right to walk away.

What is Boeing's agenda??

Ok, I see you black and white vests...with the heart of the bed frame between you...

Yes, Force. That's what I want to see. Love the vulnerability.

If I had a nickel and all that... Another couple talking about travelling the world together.

Oh I have totally seen this t-shirt before. But dammit I don't recall where. HIVE MIND ASSEMBLE!

(And now I'm questioning if I've seen Nick's shirt somewhere as well... I take back what I said earlier, I want to be less observant).

Look, I've moved in with partners two times in my life with the main reason being 'it'll be cheaper/I'll save on the rent' and I can categorically say that I don't think its a good idea. MEW, DON'T. Move in because you want to, not because it's cheaper.

What in the Mew/Top/Boeing storyline is happening with the Ray/Sand/Boeing plot?! More parallels. Boeing is like the little leprechaun who wheedles his way into other people's relationships, casting a magic spell on one to stir shit up for the other.

Why is Ray doing this? Why is he so jealous? And did he just drink alcohol even though he's in rehab? Oh! Is he finally going to get the threesome he's been asking for?! 😂

Well...going by the preview for ep 12, I don't think so. But his jealousy escalated worryingly quick 🤔

Even though not as brilliant as last week, this show is still fantastic. However, I just can't get over how the Thai Communal Wardrobe is upstaging everything for me 😂