#yes sometimes there IS complicated psychological stuff being played with

[chamerionwrites]

Also, there is so much hand-wringing over the ethics of BDSM and while obviously it is worth taking care about ...sensation seeking is a thing. Many, many people enjoy eating habanero peppers and/or watching movies that make them cry. The conceptual leap from there to the idea that it's possible for sex to hurt good is a very short one, and sometimes it REALLY is as simple as that.

[luigismansion64]

tumblr is NOT letting me answer this ask directly for some reason so i screencapped it HDFHDG anyways here goes

i vagguelly knew abt otherkin stuff beforehand but that was like. very vague and more in the lense of "eww cringe" bc that was all that was talked abt it

fast forward to me being 16 or so (maybe 17?) and i decide that today on www.tumblr.com im gonna go through the werewolf tag, and between all the art and poems abt werewolves i view a few werewolfkin posts and i go "huh.. thats interesting" bc i only vaguely heard of it but never really looked into it

so i dip my toes into it, and fall into the lake completely, and now im here

from which i will give some advice:

disclaimer: most of this advice comes from a psychological kin perspective, for spiritual stuff i can gather some info if you ask me but overall im not spiritual kin

1: sometimes the answer is not too clear, being alterhuman can stem from many reasons and overlap with many other things, furryness, autism, psychosis, spiritual beliefs, familiarity and importance to an animal or myth, a lot can play into it! for some beings, the experiences are very separate from each other, for others, they may cause each other or be linked or overlap, it can all depend and change around, so dont stress too much on whats what, but if you wish, you can play around and see what belongs to what, ive had the fact im a furry sometimes overlap with the fact im otherkin, and even fuel each other, but i still see them as separate identities, its all a big complicated soup. and i will say to just fuck around and see what labels you see fit

figuring out your kintype can take a while, and its not uncommon that what you first consider to be your kintype may not be the one that you actually feel you are. for example my first through upon discovering kin stuff was that i may be a cat, ive loved cats since i was practically born, ive always wanted to be a cat and themed myself around cats, hell my fursona is a cat! turns out im not one, ive tried and figured stuff out and experimented and well a cat just wasnt it. from this i'd just say to explore different animals or mythic beasts or types of robot etc etc

from that, what has helped me personally to figure out kintype stuff is to see what you desire feel and act, what kind of environment do you crave for? forests? mountains? deserts? theres a lot! what do you wish your body looked like? everyone talks about wanting claws and fangs and such but really think about it, what do you want for your body? what would make you happier? what would make you see your body more as your true self? any particular diet you have or wish to have? any behaviors you've derived from a being? maybe you hiss maybe you bark maybe you knead. do you feel limbs that arent there? such as ears? tails? horns? just look around outside and inside to see what you crave what you do what you want and such

one thing that i did while trying to figure out kin stuff was to just. draw how i view myself in my mind, and not concentrate on design or what i like and dislike on character designs, just like, draw what comes to mind on an "ideal body", you shift around features from the vague idea of who you are in your mind, draw different tails draw different snouts draw different body shapes, and see what fits and sticks, sometimes you can land on yes "thats exactly me", sometimes you can land on "its a vague idea of me but can aid me in figuring it out". thats kinda how it lead to me figuring out im primatekin, i had multiple different attempts and sketches of what i think i look like in my mind, and i just kept going until much trial and error later i found something. it went from "humanoid?" to "halfly animal-like" to "has a long tail" to "small and expressive" and eventually to a primate! (and thats how my mizamonkey design came to be QSHFHD). again for some this may bring a concrete design while to others it may be just a vague guide, not every tip works for everyone.

despite a few points ago where i stated that being obsessed with an animal or myth doesnt always equal to it being your kintype, it sometimes can be! and its sometimes how kintypes can originate to people (if we're taking the psychological otherkin route, this doesnt work too well with spiritual otherkin). sometimes youre just so obsessed and interested with an animal or myth or fiction trope that your brain kinda, adopts it for your identity. this is what happened to me for werewolves, since i was a wee lad ive been OBSESSED with werewolves and i read about them and drew about them and made stories about them that my brain has seemingly just. grabbed it and went "thats you". so look into your childhood or current state of living and see what animals and beings and such you connect with! again just as a few points ago, it doesnt always mean its your kintype, but it can be!

being alterhuman is different for everyone, i sometimes still think of this message i saw ages ago that went "ask 10 therians what being a therian means for them, and you get 11 different answers", so just because this otherkin experiences xyz, doesnt mean everyone does, and vice versa! i used to have a lot of stress about this bc i felt like i was a faker bc i didnt experience like others but after a while i managed to mellow out on it and its making me feel better!

related to that i would be careful about the resources you seek out bc from my experience seeking out resources has been a very 50/50, some tips and advice is great! while others are just why would you follow that. use your critical mind and see what suits you and what helps you.

this is more a personal opinion but i feel like the whole "choosing your kintype" debacle doesnt have a correct and concrete answer. to me if you were to just choose whatever kintype you want it may not actually be the kintype you feel like you are. i would absolutely choose to be a wolverine if i could! but it just doesnt align with my kintype and i cant force it as my kintype even if i tried. i would say that you can "try out" kintypes to see if it fits, its all about experimenting after all. its just that for most, its not as easy as pick and choose. its mainly bc your freely chosen kintype may just not be who you are, if you wanna choose a kintype either way, the community has adopted the term "copinglink" for such. for most alterhumans they did not choose their kintype. again its about trial and error

overall its going to be a lot of trial and error to figure stuff out. it took me 2 years to finally land on my proper kintypes! you may find kintypes and you may drop them. you may find yourself to not be otherkin after all! if you want more personal tips and questions you can message me here or on discord! (but i prefer discord bc tumblrs dm system is kinda cramped and buggy).

[wufflesvetinari]

hello! i was blown away by your fantastic astarion/tav fic and this is how i found you, hope that's okay. :) you say dnd is about being a cleric to you, and i was wondering if you'd ever be open to expanding on that? i'm interested in playing a cleric in my next campaign, but i'm a little gunshy

(the fic, for reference)

hi yes hello!! i'm so glad you liked the fic, first of all, i had never written anything quite like it (essentially canon/oc fic. video game fandom is weird. i love it)

secondly i am so glad you've given me an excuse to talk about this!!! i love playing clerics for a few reasons. in order of simplest to most complicated:

1). on a purely mechanical level i love their versatility; that you can both deal heavy damage and protect your friends. i think the existence of Healing Word makes clerics 100x more fun than they would be otherwise, because then you can both attack and heal in the same turn. i am someone who LIKES feeling that responsibility for the party each turn, and feeling like each choice involves sacrifice: thinking through who can make it through the next turn without healing vs. needing it now, whether to remove a status effect (using a full action) or let it wear out, etc. you do get the fun of essentially fireballing your enemies while also doing powerful utility stuff (that plants the seeds for interesting character relationships too imo)

2). god the roleplay potential??? it's so good??? you have a very strong "type" you're playing against: the stereotype of a "person of the cloth" existing makes it twice as fun to be, like, a little nihilistic or a little sexy or a little angry, but always always driven by that core of Belief inside of you. all the better if the belief system doesn't naturally fit with the character's personality, and you have to reconcile those things. it builds someone complex

also like. roleplaying a cleric (or a paladin) is marinating yourself in the midpoint between human fallibility and divine "infallibility," wherein actually sometimes it's the human fallibility that needs to win out over the inflexibility of dogma. it's a bit warlock-y in that you are making decisions both for what the character wants to do and what they feel they MUST do per the voice in their head. but it's still flavored differently because, in theory, the cleric has opted into this for moral/belief reasons! and those reasons get to be challenged or reinforced through the campaign

3). world building! you get to parse out how a belief system works in the day-to-day. rn i have two clerics who are driven by a belief in how they need to ethically act in the world (lash as well as duna, an ornery old lady grave cleric--spoiler, they have very different definitions of "ethical") but also an alien cleric in a homebrew campaign whose gods actually dont give a shit about how he interacts with outsiders because that pantheon’s entire existence is built around protecting and saving one specific alien species. the decisions that cleric makes are going to be extremely different than the first two, but i'm always going to be thinking about how those belief systems affect his actions, and when he pushes back (and how much he is ALLOWED to push back).

ngl the psychological element is twice as interesting to me as someone who grew up in a religious environment. what do i appreciate about that kind of person that could be amplified? what Makes Everything Worse?

anyway i hope some of this was helpful!!

[twh-news]

We spoke to Tom Hiddleston about Loki, PowerPoint presentations and the nature of free will

Despite a decade of playing Loki in several Marvel movies and now a TV show, Tom Hiddleston isn’t tired of the role. “There is always something new to be found,” he says The edge.

This week is the premiere of Loki on Disney Plus, a six-episode series that marks the character’s first lead role. It is a story of time travel and branched timelines as Loki is captured by an organization called the Time Variance Authority (TVA). It combines action, humor and some old-fashioned detective work, while tackling serious topics such as the nature of free will. There are also some new faces on board as Hiddleston is joined by Marvel newcomers Owen Wilson, who plays a TVA agent named Mobius, and director Kate Herron, best known for her work on the first season of Sex education.

Prior to the show’s premiere, I had the chance to talk to Hiddleston about his time as a character, a presentation that made him feel like an “amateur academic giving a thesis on Loki,” working with Wilson and Herron, and whether our lives are predetermined. Typical Marvel stuff.

The following interview has been edited and abbreviated for clarity.

We are now at a decade where you play Loki. How have your feelings about the character changed or grown over that time?

I’m honestly just thankful that I’m still here. I find that I am always surprised and happy that I get another chance in it. Long before I was cast, Loki was just the most fascinating and complex character with such depth and range, and he’s been in Marvel comics in several iterations for 60 years, and he’s been in our thoughts, in stories we tell as humans, for hundreds, if not thousands of years. I find that even though it has been 10 years, every time I come back, there is always more to discover. There is always more to dig because these impostors are kind of mercurial and shape-shifting. So there is always something new to be found.

"“Loki is out of control. He’s a man on the run.”"

Now that you’ve focused this six-episode series on Loki, what were you looking forward to exploring with this? What were you hoping to dive into?

I think he’s really opening up and bringing out his many different identities and facets. In my preparation to play the character, I’ve always seen him have so many different and seemingly contradictory characteristics. You think, “How can all these characteristics exist in one person, in one being?” And yet they do.

Loki has always been a character in all MCU movies that seems to be very controlled. He seems to know what cards he has in his hand and how he is going to play them. And Loki, in the TVA – this organization that rules time – has gotten out of hand. He’s a man on the run. And he is motivated by a desire to understand. Suddenly he discovers that there is all this information that he does not have, and he has to get his hands on it. And that actually gives the series great momentum. Loki is on the back foot, everyone knows more than him, and seeing how he adapts, seeing how he improvises after that – if improvisation is possible in the TVA. That’s a question we’re trying to raise, whether you have free will.

I read about the Loki school you led to prepare the team for the character’s history. How did you prepare for that? Did you actually know it all, or did you have to do a lot of research?

I wish it wouldn’t be 10 hours long. I knew I had to summarize what I found useful to tell the crew. It came about thanks to Kate Herron, our director who has done an extraordinary job on this whole series, and he thought maybe it would be a good idea to get everyone together because there were so many department heads, different crew members – production design, costume design, cinematography, camera, sound, stunts – and wanting to make sure everyone had the same information about Loki, and it might be helpful to listen to my experience. I was trying to explain how we constructed Loki’s arc across the six movies he’s in the MCU and figure out what was useful in that arc and what we could leave behind.

I suddenly felt extremely nervous, as if I were an amateur academic writing a thesis on Loki. You’ll have to ask the others if it was helpful at all. But at least we synchronized the watches and we started from the same place.

"“If I were tall enough to use PowerPoint, I could retire and become a full-time professor.”"

So is there a PowerPoint file out there somewhere that will leak out one day?

If I was highly skilled enough to use PowerPoint, I could retire and become a full-time professor.

I did have a few clips. I thought there were some clips from the movies that could be helpful. It was interesting, even though it was about how the costume had changed over the years and why. And when does Loki wear the horns? Are the horns a casual thing? Are they a ceremonial thing like a crown? Is it an extension of an inner intention? Do the horns come out if he’s particularly evil? Why is her hair different? Sometimes he wears a cape, sometimes not. Sometimes he uses magic, sometimes he uses his own body to fight in combat. All questions that people were curious about.

I know this was meant for the rest of the crew, but was it helpful for you to go through this again as you prepared to jump back into the role?

Oh yes, absolutely, just to refresh myself about certain decisions we had made and why certain things were changed… sometimes you try to bring very elaborate and beautifully illustrated comic book panels into a physical reality on a movie set and figure out how to merge these two worlds. It was interesting. I got some great questions about how he moves the way he does and where certain things showed up in stunts, especially hair, makeup and wardrobe, how the clothes changed and why we made those choices.

It was interesting to refresh myself on the extraordinary input, because I carry the inspiration of great people with me. [Thor director] Kenneth Branagh and Alexandra Byrne, our costume designer; Bo Welch who designed the first Thor movie; Charlie Wood who was production designer on The dark world; the whole crew of Ragnarok; Mayes Rubeo, the costume designer of Ragnarok; and people like Douglas Noe, who has been doing makeup on Loki for a long time. So there was a lot to unpack.

Both Kate Herron and Owen Wilson are newcomers to the Marvel machine. Is it helpful to have such an external perspective?

Absolutely. Both Kate and Owen came in with so many questions because they hadn’t lived in Loki’s head for 10 years. They have a fresh take on it. Kate was so well prepared and so well researched; she even brought in new Marvel Publishing material that I’d never seen before, about Loki’s inner world. Owen came in and asked me a lot of questions about my experience. I remember him saying, “Tom, why should I?” you do you like to play Loki?” And I found myself saying, “Well, he’s just got this whole range. He can play the light keys, but he can also play the heavy keys in the bass clef. And somehow the character has both.” And he loved that way of thinking about it, he said, “I think I could say that on the show.” And so it was really his very intelligent question that took us elsewhere in the story.

Given the themes of the first two episodes, I have to ask: do you believe in free will?

I hope so. Free will is such an interesting, eternal question. I think people have asked to what extent we have the power of self-determination, self-realization, choice about our actions and whether we can control the course of our lives. It goes back to evolutionary or psychological arguments about nature and nurture and why we are who we are. Maybe it’s the journey of a lifetime to find out, to really take the wheel of your own life. Because we are set on a path in childhood, I think, often by accident – the misfortune of birth, where we were born and when – and we are propelled in many ways by the unconscious.

That’s a complicated answer. It’s a complex question. So I hope so. I hope true free will is possible. But for all of us, I think it can be a long journey of self-discovery.

[musicallisto]

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

[shokano19]

Dr stone characters as types of TikTokers

Warning: Contains manga spoilers for new characters! You can skip those you don’t know! 

Not sure where this idea came from exactly but I got super into it and it was really fun. Consider these to be my headcanons for a dcst AU where they don’t get petrified and instead everyone is TikTok famous. 

Senku

- science 101 - makes educational videos aimed generally at students struggling at school with subjects like biology, physics, chemistry, robotics, engineering, and astronomy, explaining them thoroughly and in a simpler form - random astronomical facts #n - goes live when he’s about to do a reaction experiment - wants to show his viewers how exhilarating science can be - rarely shows his face - tries to incorporate humour into his talks - it becomes evident he’s passionate or excited about the subject by his little chuckles - “visiting my father at NASA before rocket launch” - Taiju sometimes takes over his account as a lil prank - on everyone’s for you page with minimal effort - 14M followers

Gen

- magic tricks - social science veteran - shares psychology hacks he learned throughout his career - props his phone on his cola bottles to film himself - CEO of accidentally dropping his phone on the floor - Senku’s fanboy. Reacts to Senku’s videos on occasion by acting extra and makes a huge deal out of rare pictures of Senku - posts cut scenes from his magic show then makes separate videos revealing how he performed a certain trick - cynical, dark humour - makes his viewers question their moral compass - gets a lot of compliments for his hair - 10.5M followers

Chrome

- step by step 3 minute crafts - Senku’s fanboy #2. Video duets with Senku by building the same things as him, praises Senku a lot  - geology student studying mineralogy - storytime! - regular shout-outs from Senku - always has his precious rock/crystal collection displayed behind him as he films a video and makes sure to show them off every once in a while - 2M followers

Kohaku

- trash talks men without stuttering - films herself in front of a mirror most of the time - zooms a lot into her face and stares into the camera while speaking, looking dead inside - dimmed disco lights - ironic and sassy - usually spits facts about anything she talks about - confident vibes - ayo famous relative check (Lillian Weinberg’s niece) - her duets are cruel - 1.9M followers

Ginro

- the POV - makes relatable yet obscure videos - some questionable scenarios no one can explain - yes he wears a big towel on his head when impersonating girls   - includes Kinro in his videos a lot - anime weeb - always posts at unholy hours - refined sense of humour - majority of videos are taken in his bedroom - lowkey annoying - video replies to hate comments by either faking acting hurt and crying or sarcastically going along with them as a massive fuck you - 69k followers and he would like it if it stayed that way

Kinro

- beautiful scenery shots - only has a few videos, mostly nature and places he went to with his family and friends - “top 5 places you must visit this summer” - secretive about his account, no one except Ginro knows about it - 7.9k followers - after a while he switched to making ASMR?? which gained him fame overnight and now has …. - 45k followers (Ginro’s current worst fear being Kinro surpassing his own follower count)

Magma

- unpopular opinion guy - reacts to popular tiktoks and attempts to review them (for fun, he’s a jerk for clout) - loud af, angry & narrow minded - makes valid points sometimes - dislikes kohaku’s content (probably because he feels called out) - tried to cancel Senku and failed miserably - a lot of people disagree with his hot takes - ignored the haters but got some serious threats :( - considered quitting making tiktoks so he took break - apologized to those he insulted after some reflection time - now half of his account are just apology videos - people follow him for the tea  - 500k followers

Suika (aged up)

- the animal lover - mainly videos of Chalk being adorable, Suika teaching him tricks…and him wrecking the house - “animal crossing new horizons island tour” - “my top 10 favourite cartoons” - 11k followers

Tsuakasa

- long political talks - disputable ideals - renowned martial artist  - became famous after appearing on a broadcast program with Gen and won against him in mental battle - informs on what’s currently happening in the world - has a lot of supporters as well as haters - “today’s society is flawed because - ” - encourages viewers to write their opinion in the comments - reads every single comment as well as replies to them - occasionally talks about his childhood, the good and the bad - 7.6M followers

Ryusui

- chaotic - reviews popular console/pc games of any genre - youtube channel linked in his bio - the type to walk into his bathroom and say funny shit - bombards Tsukasa’s comments section with stuff like “drop yo workout routine plz” or “your hair looks so soft I bet it smells like roses” to which Tsukasa can only reply with “please leave me alone” - generally in everyone’s comment section. He’s everywhere - bi king - super friendly and approachable - ayo rich house checkkkk XD - flexes on his personal mini yacht  - 5M followers

Francois

- quick, stylish and helpful cooking tutorials - shares rare recipes - pro decorator  - worked at 4/5 star bars, restaurants and clubs - non-binary icon - sometimes in the background of Ryusui’s videos until a lot of people asked about their relationship and revealed that they also works as Ryusui’s personal chef - 3.2M followers

Ukyo

- variety content creator - gives walkthrough’s of his job as a sonar technician - sneakily exposes his workplace’s secrets while he’s at it too - likes to gather the kingdom of science and make dumb silly videos together - archery tips for beginners - starting a new language tips - video reacts to tiktoks he finds interesting - became popular after appearing in one of Gen’s q&a videos - after that he collaborated with many others such as Senku, Chrome, Ryusui - close to everyone - appreciated for his talents - 980K followers

Yuzuriha

- fashion icon in the making - shares her everyday outfits - talks about her favourite clothing and where she bought them from - DIY accessories - cute couple videos with Taiju - fun sewing lessons! - promotes her online shop - 330k followers

Hyouga

- the type to stand in front of the camera and cover the screen with writing instead of speaking - known for his lip care routines (owns a lot of lip glosses and lip cosmetics) - occasionally takes off his mask for lip care videos - Homura is always behind the camera helping him film - kudayari spear practices - Helps Homura promote her Instagram account - tries to keep an aesthetic - trips abroad vlogs - 770k followers

Mozu

- cringey e-boy - lip-syncs  - dances  - it’s so obvious he’s fishing for attention - secretly films Kirisame for a laugh, ends up with him running for his life as soon as she finds out - expect to get second-hand embarrassment - exaggerates a lot - needs to be stopped - does tiktok challenges with Kirisame (has to beg for her to agree) - Kohaku, Luna, Gen and Nikki have him blocked - Hyouga and Kirisame are literally the only ilr friends he has :,( - 420k followers

Luna

- popular girl wannabe - desperate to get on the for you page - everyone loves her though <3 - poses in front of the camera wearing her best clothes while cute music plays in the background - complains about how she’s STILL single - pros and cons of going to med school - reads a bunch of funny tweets and almost dies laughing - recently started following Senku and can’t shut up about his content - 200k followers

Bonus: all of them tried at least once, if not more, to recreate complicated dances that went viral on tiktok. Yes, even Senku.

Coming up with usernames for them is beyond me right now so feel free to add to these however you like!  ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

[morwensteelsheen]

If Faramir went to Rivendell, how would the whole ttt/rohan plot be different?

A good question that I have spent an unreasonable time thinking about! My first LOTR fic was going to be an attempt to answer this, but then I got so wrapped up in not having the answers that I sidelined it and wrote WC instead. So I think instead of giving you one definitive answer I’ll give you a couple scenarios I think are plausible? If that’s not too much of a cop out lmao? Apologies in advance for the inevitable spelling errors, I did this on my phone and my dyslexia is off the charts today.

I think it’s basically unavoidable that he goes via Rohan first, geographically he’s sort of left without an option there. When he’s there, we get into this issue of whether and how he and Éowyn interact. Worth noting, I think, that the Unfinished Tales has Éomer living in Aldburg by the War, but Éomer does seem to imply he’s around for Boromir passing through. Is this because he knows and already is a fan of Boromir? Maybe! Or maybe Éomer goes to Aldburg after.

But I digress. We have to ask the question of whether Faramir falls in love with Éowyn because he was always going to fall in love with Éowyn, or if it’s because the things he’s gone through immediately preceding it primed him for it. I — perhaps quite cheaply — come down on the side of Faramir always having it bad for her on first sight. And contextually I think that comes from his, rather sweet, enunciation of the way his regard/love changes for her. He says that at first he pities her, and then he gets to know her and he doesn’t pity her anymore, he respects and admires her. That’s an interesting dynamic to bring into play in basically every AU, because you get this double barrel characterisation of his attitude to her changing, and his own character maturing/sharp edges softening.

I think he off the bat he sees that she’s beautiful, and immediately is drawn to her for that. Shallow? Maybe! But, to badly paraphrase my ol fav Victor Hugo quote — love always begins with a glance.

I imagine he stays for a short while, maybe a week, two at most. At this point I think that Éowyn’s basically viewing him as an official guest that she has to entertain, and I think Faramir is, in his own, slightly stilted, slightly wanky way, putting the moves on her. This can go, imo, one of two ways. She can either be receptive to it (which is a nice thought!) or she can be aware of it but mostly ignore it because, really, she’s got lots of shit on her plate.

Either way, he leaves Edoras at some point. The big question is where does his go from there?

One thing I toy around with is that, given his pre-existing relationship to Gandalf, maybe he’s willing to trust the Istari a bit more and goes straight for Isengard? Which, and I think I did the math on this once a few months ago, would have him arriving at Isengard around the time Gandalf’s getting his shit kicked in by Saruman lol. I think this could be a really compelling plot point, but I’ll be very honest with you, I 100% don’t have the imagination or writing skills to figure out how it proceeds from there, so I’m not going to try to.

If he goes the normal Boromir route, he still loses his horse at Tharbad and walks (lmao jesus???) to Rivendell. When he gets there, I think he’s immediately going to have everything he knows put to the test in quite jarring ways. First off, he’s going to be infinitely more deferential to Elrond, Aragorn &c when they’re trashing Gondor. He’ll push back a bit, no doubt on that, but he’s going to be starstruck by Aragorn in a way that Boromir just wasn’t.

No real difference I imagine between Rivendell and Lothlórien, except that he’d definitely be laser focused on palling about with Aragorn, and he’d probably spend more of his time being friendly with Frodo than with Merry and Pippin tbh (not in a douchey way, I just think he and Frodo vibe a little better. Though I bet he and Merry had some interesting chats about pipe weed history).

The underlying question here is what sort of relationship does he have to the ring? I don’t buy this idea that he’s not tempted by it, I just think that what the ring offers him is a bit shit. We don’t know what the ring tempts him with, he’s not clear on that in TTT. I can’t really see the ring being like ‘oh I’ll give you a king to follow’ because that is some intensely nerdy shit, but is somehow the one thing I could see Faramir actually being tempted by. Regardless of what it offers him in this AU, he resists it on the basis that he’s got this mythical king he’s been desperate for, and he’s not gonna risk that for anything.

Lothlórien comes next, and oh my god when I tell you this is the part I genuinely have no answer for. I stopped writing my first fic at Lothlórien because I couldn’t cope. Tbh it probably lowkey fries Faramir’s brain, and for so many reasons. The whole godmoding Númenórean stuff he’s got going on probably interests Galadriel a bit, and so that whole conversation is going to be wildly different than it was for Boromir. But what does she say to Faramir? I have no idea. I really don’t. There’s also probably a million and one things also going on psychologically for him at that point, which makes dealing with this bit difficult. Really difficult. So I’m gonna, uh, conveniently smash cut away.

Parth Galen! Again, another two potential splits here. The first, (from here on out I’ll refer to as Plot A) which I find rather endearing, is that he goes off with Frodo and Sam when Frodo makes the decision to split. I don’t know that I believe he’d do it, but it proves for a very delightful interpretation of his character.

Plot B is that when the Orcs show up, Faramir survives not by virtue of his being a ~ better warrior ~ or whatever than Boromir, but by the terrain surrounding Parth Galen being something he’s far more in the habit of dealing with, and by virtue of his having a bow at his disposal. I know there’s room for an interpretation of Faramir as not primarily an archer, but narratively I think that’s less interesting. So he’s an archer. He’s an archer and also his priority is on Aragorn first and foremost, so Merry and Pip still get taken, and Frodo and Sam use the hubbub to GTFO, which is actually slightly more in line with the movie’s chronology, funnily enough. The three hunters become four, and then go on Merry & Pippin’s trails.

In Plot A, they’re hauling ass across the Emyn Muil, bolstered in some ways by Faramir’s experience as a Ranger. The problem is the issue of getting into Mordor and whether or not they pick up Gollum. I think, in a way that frustrates me immensely, they do end up taking Gollum, not because they need a guide, but because Gollum fulfils this deep psychological need for Frodo, and I think he would have argued for keeping Gollum regardless. Faramir is going to be fucked off about this, but will ultimately, I think, be deferential to the ringbearer.

So they go across the Dead Marshes, but they do NOT attempt the Black Gate first because Faramir’s not a fool. Do they go to Henneth Annûn? I say yes, but with the caveat that in all likelihood Boromir is gonna be there, which is gonna complicate stuff tremendously.

Over to Plot B!

The four hunters go to the Mark! They meet Éomer! Hey! Éomer recognises Faramir! (And he’s probably a little fucked off that he lost his horse lol). But whatever, he knows this guy, so he’s probably gonna be like, uhhh, everything you saw before in Edoras is much worse now. Also my cousin's dead and everything is bad. Here’s some horses, sorry for maybe accidentally killing your pals, see ya! And at this point I think Faramir’s probably having a, hmmm, g e n t l e  p s y c h i c  c r i s i s, because if he’s still very 👅 for Éowyn (which he is, sorry, he has to be) then he’s going to want to go there ASAP. Obviously though that’s not gonna happen, so: Merry and Pip chasing, Gandalf finding, Edoras arriving.

Which means Éowyn. If, at this point, she and Faramir already have something of an arrangement going on (nudge nudge) then she’s really not gonna give a shit about Aragorn. You know how in TTT it’s not even clear that she actually sees Legolas and Gimli? 100% that vibe with Aragorn too. Théoden’s gonna get his house in order, they’re going to head to Helm’s Deep, and Éowyn’s gonna get named head of house. (Faramir, if he starts off just thinking she’s beautiful, is going to have quite the paradigm shift here, because he’s going to have to start reckoning with her as not just a beautiful woman, but as a very, very intense person. This is how his love for her starts to mature.)

Sometimes I dream about him being like, ‘hey! I have some first hand experience of ruling a kingdom, how about I stay and…….. lend you a hand……..’ to Éowyn while she’s keeping watch on Edoras. This is wildly unlikely, but a delightful thought nonetheless. In the more likely case, which is that he goes to the Hornburg, she’s going to start feeling some strain about this whole war shebang, and it’s going to lead to some difficult conversations. Chief among them is that Faramir, as second son, actually has basically nothing to give her, which is not exactly a great position to be in when you’re in love with the niece of a king. I’m of the opinion that Éowyn’s not fussed by that stuff (she agrees to marry him when he’s prepping to give up a shit ton of power anyways), so she’s probably like, 'no, fuck you, we’re getting married.' And then he leaves, and it starts to emotionally unsettle her more and more.

If they don’t already have a thing, then it either begins at this point OR he gets overshadowed by Aragorn. In either case, off to Helm’s Deep he goes.

Helm’s Deep happens, I think Faramir ends up extraordinarily impressed by how the Rohirrim handle the Dunlenders afterwards, which also begins to soften his harsh opinion of them more generally.

They go to Isengard, Pippin looks in the Palantír, and away Pippin and Gandalf go. Both Gandalf and Faramir here would recognise that it would be batshit insane for Faramir to go back to MT now, because Denethor would read him like a picture book and he’d have to admit to the entire mission of the Fellowship.

Over in Plot A, I think we’re going to have some real emotional complexity vis a vis Faramir showing up at Henneth Annûn with two hobbits, a ring, and Boromir in control there. God, it would just be a disaster. My incredibly generous interpretation of this is that Faramir keeps the plan vague enough that Boromir lets them pass unhindered. My less generous interpretation is… yeah I don’t wanna do it tbh. It’s not pretty. It's also, to be clear: not an indictment of Boromir as a character. His response is entirely rational for someone expected to lead a kingdom and for someone put up against the unbelievable power of the One Ring. The reason Faramir continuously gets to pass largely untempted by the ring is because he's a guy with no actual responsibilities once you take the Rangers away. His understanding of his duty to Gondor is almost entirely conceptual in nature. He can think and talk about defending Gondor as it once was because there are several people above him in the hierarchy defending Gondor for what it is. This is also not an indictment of Faramir. He and Boromir just have wildly different realities to contend with.

They are going to go through Cirith Ungol even though Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass both speak Sindarin and don’t cotton on to what its name implies lol. This whole scene is much shorter because Faramir’s significantly more cautious, so there is no Orc capture and Sam doesn't take the Ring. This is where things get a bit complex, and where I don’t think I have the imagination to say much more. Sorry!

Back in Plot B, the lads catch up with Éowyn as they prep to go down the Paths of the Dead. If she and Faramir are a thing, this is where the real emotional distress kicks in for her. All of the men in her life have, at one point or another, functionally abandoned her, and here’s Faramir, love of her life, about to do the exact same thing. Faramir inevitably goes with the Grey Company even though she begs him not to. When she tries to convince them not to go down the Paths at all, he is in the fortunate enough position to throw up his hands and say 'not my call, actually. King’s in charge,' which lessens the emotional conflict there somewhat.

No part of me doubts that Éowyn wouldn’t then immediately go over his head to Aragorn. She would, she absolutely does not give a fuck. And she’s going to get knocked back re: joining them in exactly the same way as in the book, because Aragorn’s take here isn’t actually dependent on her personally, it’s dependent on the duty she’s been charged with, which is taking care of her people. (Also going to be an interesting narrative parallel to a later conversation between Faramir and Aragorn after the Pelennor, which I’ll explain in more detail later.)

Faramir will, perhaps somewhat less dismissively, say this to her. He learns much more obviously the way to talk to her on her own terms, and he’s not gonna fall into the trap of letting her be like ‘you just want me to wait and die after all the men are dead.’ He’s going to probably give her some line about her being the last organised line of defence, and he might even invoke Haleth! It’s not going to work, because Éowyn’s very aware of the apocalyptic nature of all of this, but it’s not going to cause such abject hatred and fury as it otherwise would.

If she and Faramir are not a thing, her emotional distress is as it is in the book, except now Faramir’s trying not to pout in the background. He might even step in to try and soften the blow.

Regardless, she ends up as Dernhelm, she rides to the Pelennor.

Boromir is the one responsible for the Osgiliath retreat, and because it’s heavily implied that Faramir only keeps his seat because he’s got this dumbass Númenor garbage going on ('master of man and beast' — king Beregond), Boromir’s going to get killed by the Witch king here.

This is going to send shockwaves through not just Denethor, but Minas Tirith more generally, because Boromir is fucking adored. Denethor’s going to go high holy crackers much quicker, mostly because Gandalf is a shit stirrer and is going to waste no time at all in announcing that Aragorn, The Rightful King, is on his way, and Denethor will — correctly — surmise that Faramir has chosen Aragorn over returning with whatever Isildur’s Bane is to Gondor. This is the end for Denethor.

Éowyn rides from Dunharrow, slays the Witch king. Faramir and Aragorn show up with the Army of Dead, Faramir does not end up injured, but does end up as the Steward (obviously) and (obviously) aware that Éowyn is in the HOH. And also that everybody else he loves is dead. Yeehaw.

Here’s where I think things get really interesting. I think, counter to the way this is portrayed a lot of the time, Faramir doesn’t go to the Black Gate at all. I think he stays in Minas Tirith, not just to organise the wider range defences (esp the Rohirrim dealing w the Druadan) but in this very grim preparation to lead the retreat from Minas Tirith if/when Frodo & Sam fail. I think he's kind of fine with this for two reasons. The first is that him being conscious to process the death of his father, and it coming hours after the death of his brother means that he's going to have a personal-political crisis, and he's going to have to take the defence of Gondor more seriously than he did before. Second, Aragorn's going to tell him to fucking stay put, and he's going to be fine with it because it means he's going to get to spend the last few days of his life with Éowyn.

He and Éowyn reunite in the HOH, there’s still a lot of deeply emotional stuff going on, but, at least now Faramir’s conscience is clear re: marrying her because, well, he’s the Steward now. Also their reunion is going to take on greater significance because she’ll have killed the thing that killed his brother. So, that’s a lot.

If they are not a thing before the Pelennor, she's still going to drag his ass over to the HOH so she can bitch about being stuck there. But this time he's not a fellow hospital-prisoner, he's having to actually do things, and he's going to use that to his advantage in terms of keeping her from doing stupid shit. I think he's going to try to involve her in some of the strategic questions re: the retreat if the Morannon feint fails. I think he's going to make a point of talking to her to get her help on dealing with the Rohir forces that are in and around the City. I think that's going to go a huge way to helping to ease her misery, and it's going to be such a significant vote of trust in her (even after she's done the unthinkable and deserted her people) that she's going to fall in love with him here, as per. And the contrast between him and Aragorn is going to be all the stronger for it.

So yes. Those are just some of the possibilities I think! Sorry for the word dump!!

[ambitionsource]

hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen on becoming a Faith Healer to save theatre

For many, it is his greatest play. Northern Irish playwright Brian Friel’s Faith Healer (1979) is a haunting and transfixing piece of theatre: a drama that shape-shifts as tantalisingly as memory. And, like all masterpieces, it feels both timeless and timely. Yet, says actor Michael Sheen, who plays lead character Frank in a new live-streamed performance opening tonight at London’s Old Vic, “When it first came out there was a big discussion about whether it was even dramatic at all.” “I find that extraordinary,” he adds. “It’s one of the most thrilling theatrical experiences I’ve had.” On the surface, it’s certainly simple: a series of monologues on a near-empty stage. Three narrators — Frank, the itinerant Irish “faith healer” of the title; Grace, his wife; Teddy, his cockney manager — address us separately, recalling their ramshackle lives on the road, as they traipsed round remote parts of Scotland and Wales trying to drum up business with a shabby poster. Each character takes their turn in the limelight. At the Old Vic, Sheen heads up a stellar cast, with Indira Varma playing Grace and David Threlfall taking the part of Teddy. But what begins straightforwardly soon develops the grip of a detective story. We gradually realise that the trio’s recollections don’t add up: each monologue sheds new — sometimes shocking — light on the earlier ones. Frank appears more complex with each telling. And as the audience pieces together the fragments of information, the play delicately exposes the fragility of memory, the power of narrative and the hunger for meaning. “They were a despairing people,” says Frank at one point, recalling the lost and lonely souls who would turn up in dank village halls on dark winter evenings in the hope of cure, resolution or benediction. The Old Vic staging arrives at a time when uncertainty is the order of the day and a piece composed of competing narratives and disputed facts feels acutely relatable. Meanwhile the question that hovers around the charismatic Frank — genius or conman? — also hits home now, as we contemplate the damage done by populist leaders and seductive rhetoric. Friel grew up in a Catholic community in Northern Ireland in the 1930s, and Faith Healer was written at the height of the Troubles. While the play never addresses that political situation directly, many have noted that its wisdom about identity, place and belonging surely draws on Friel’s lived experience of a divided society. “You can’t grow up in the place where Friel did without having a sense of competing realities, competing narratives, competing stories,” says Sheen. “It’s about the ambiguity of everything,” adds Threlfall. “And, like any great play, it is specific and universal at the same time. We’re in the middle of truth-seeking at the moment aren’t we? You don’t have to look very far for the analogy . . . ” But any larger political resonance with the current moment comes wrapped in something much more personal and potent. And it’s perhaps in this respect that the play feels most timely. It’s a piece composed of monologues, lonely reveries in which factual memories collide with each character’s feelings and fantasies. There is no dialogue as such, yet the three solo narrators depend on each other, bound by the events that they struggle to articulate. “It’s accumulative,” says Varma. “Sometimes we use identical language, and then one little thing is changed. It’s like different colours being laid on top of each other. I lay one colour, David lays another, Michael lays another — and then suddenly the audience sees a new colour that’s been produced.” Matthew Warchus’s “Old Vic: In Camera” staging of this collage of lonely voices is a “scratch performance”, pulled together under the peculiar circumstances of semi-lockdown and performed live onstage but to a remote audience tuned in via Zoom (viewers book tickets to watch online). Where normally the cast might have rehearsed together for weeks, for this performance they have trodden a more solitary path to a final few days in the theatre. The audience, likewise, have all been through lockdown. It’s a play that might speak afresh to viewers familiar with solitude, doubt and reflection, says Sheen. “Why are there three different versions of events?” he asks. “Clearly there is a lot in it to do with faith and belief — what you believe in, how much you can trust that. And there’s obviously something about how we can manipulate our own memories and use the stories we tell sometimes to illuminate and sometimes to hide, obfuscate or justify . . . The aspect of Frank that is hiding from the truth himself, avoiding the difficulties of his reality, and the kind of emotional and psychological acrobatics that you can perform in order to cover up — we can see that going on around the place a lot.” Sheen, who has played many compelling figures in his career, including football manager Brian Clough, prime minister Tony Blair, quiz show host Chris Tarrant and a charismatic teacher in a 2011 large-scale reworking of The Passion in his native Wales, says he is fascinated by characters who have “a performative aspect to them”. “It can often give off a sort of confidence that can then be confounded by what their inner experience is. And they’re complicated in the moral line that they walk. With Frank there is sheer fabrication, he just blatantly makes stuff up. There are all kinds of things there to do with feeling flawed, imperfect and broken. He’s the healer but he’s also the one who needs the healing.” This staging arrives at a time of great uncertainty for theatre. The play wrestles with insecurity, and many see Frank as a conduit for Friel’s own self-doubt as a writer. For writer and critic Fintan O’Toole, “Frank Hardy is the nearest thing to an avatar in [Friel’s] own work: a haunted figure, unsure whether he’s a miracle worker or a charlatan.” And Frank himself voices confusion early in the play about the elusive nature and source of his talent: “Was it all chance?” he asks.

That doubt is recognisable to many artists, says Threlfall. He cites a legendary occasion when actor Laurence Olivier, having given a dazzling performance of Othello, was found plunged in gloom: “Someone said to him, ‘What’s the matter? It was brilliant tonight.’ And he said, ‘Yes, but I don’t know how I did it.’” Yet while Faith Healer is haunted by the fear of failure, it also celebrates the power of live performance. At one point, when Teddy describes Frank’s unexpected healing of a group of people in a shabby old church hall, he could be recalling a transformative evening of theatre. Frank is nothing without his “congregation”, just as Friel’s play is unfinished without an audience. “It’s not about the individual alone,” says Varma. “There’s something else that happens in between [the actor and the audience]. There’s an alchemy.” There’s a particular poignancy, she adds, to delivering this play about belief and memory at a time when many theatres are closed and audiences are still limited (the Old Vic performance is partly aimed at raising money for the theatre). Friel was not a screen writer, she points out: this is a subtle verbal piece reliant on the ability of actors in a space to summon up a lost world through words. “The play only exists if you can remember it,” she says. “Theatre only exists if we can remember Friel and all these amazing theatre writers and we can bring them alive for the audiences.”

Ft.com

[jackalgirl]

Quick Note & Glossary - Foreigner

(not the band)

I'd like to explain a little bit* of stuff for friends who are not familiar with C.J. Cherryh's s-f series, the one that starts with "Foreigner", if you're all confused about who the hell this Machigi guy I've been posting about lately and what's going on here.

* I'm totally lying. It's a lot.

TL;DR: the series is amazing and I highly recommend it. I will explain why below the cut because <sigh> as always with me, it's long.

Most of the stories take place on the earth of the atevi.

The atevi (singular: ateva) are the indigenous inhabitants of a planet in a star system Somewhere Out There. Hundreds of years ago, a human colony ship on its way to establish a colony in a known place got lost when something unexpected happened during travel through folded space. Eventually**, it ended up in the system of the atevi sun.

** Important other things happen that play into the politics of what the humans do next, and also later, in the series.

The humans realize that the only inhabitable planet in the system is already inhabited. The people there have reached their equivalent of the Steam Age. There is much argument as to what to do about this.

Ultimately***, a group of humans ends up on the planet.

*** I'm glossing over it, but it's important for Many Reasons.

At first, everything is great. The atevi (generally at least a head taller than your average human, with black skin and pointed ears, and golden eyes that, yes, pick up and amplify the light in low-light conditions and glow, like cats' eyes) and the humans appear to be getting along swimmingly. But it turns out that they are dangerously misreading each other, each assuming the other is wired like they are. They aren't. At their most fundamental levels, where it really counts, they are completely alien from one another, and while the humans have been handing over advanced technology to atevi under the mistaken impression that they are "friends", what they've actually been doing is destabilizing the atevi political and cultural landscape.

So the atevi go to war, during which they almost completely wipe the human settlement off the face of the earth.

Because those innate, wired-in, instinctive differences are so critically important, and because all of the languages of the atevi are really really really difficult (but the court language of the main political power in particular), an agreement is made between the atevi and humans: humans get their own enclave on a large island, and they'll stay there. There will be one, and only one, human who will be allowed by law to speak to the atevi (any atevi) in Ragi (the aforementioned language), and that is the paidhi -- the translator. This person will advise both the atevi and human governments and will be able (via veto power) to control the transfer of technology from humans to atevi in order to ensure that the rate is slow enough to allow atevi culture and politics to adapt to it while remaining stable.

The whole series is mostly from the point of view of Bren Cameron, who is the current paidhi, and deals with all of the things he has to deal with. I love him, because he is linguist and a diplomat, so when he gets into trouble, he armors and arms himself in words. He is not atevi, and that's what makes him useful to atevi -- he can see beyond their innate wiring and find angles and compromises that they might not have sussed out themselves (although, on the other hand, sometimes his own human wiring gets him into trouble too).

Some terms from Ragi (the lingua franca****, of the atevi)

**** Shut up, Max

aiji - ruler. Plural: aijiin. A gender-neutral term for the person in charge of an association (see below).

ateva - member of the sentient species of the world. Plural: atevi.

aishid - a close group of associates. Typically a lord will have four (4) bodyguards, who with the lord form the complete aishid unit of five (5).

ashidi'tat - association. An alliance of clans and/or sub-associations. On the world of the atevi, the most powerful association is the Western Ashidi'tat, led by Tabini-aiji. This is the atevi government that human government is bound, by law, to deal with (via the paidhi, see below). Machigi is the aiji of the Marid, an association of clans to the south, who for a great part of the series is responsible for a great deal of, shall we say inconvenience, for both Tabini and Bren (and everyone else).

paidhi - translator. Plural: paidhiin (although there's only supposed to be one. But as one would imagine, it does get complicated for Reasons as the series progresses). This is the human who, by law, is the single point of contact between human and atevi culture.

man'chi - attachment. Often defined as "loyalty", but that's a human word so it's not right, and it's much, much worse to try to define it as "friendship" (that sort of thing leads to wars). It is, in essence, a flocking instinct: an ateva's instinct to turn towards a leader. Most of the animal life on the world of the atevi experiences man'chi (it's not just the atevi). It is an instinct that all atevi have and feel it towards someone, with the exception of aijiin (who receive the man'chi of others, and it is that receiving of man'chi that binds them to duty) and unattached people who are the ateva equivalent of sociopaths. Because actual neural wiring is involved here, it is not at all a metaphor to say that aijiin are born, not made.

nadi - gender-neutral term of respect for non-nobles, a polite form of address. Plural: nadiin. Usually appended to the name (e.g., "Banichi-nadi").

nandi - gender-neutral term for a noble, an extremely polite form of address for the nobility. Plural: nandiin. Also usually appended to the name, but sometimes proceeds it (e.g., "Nand' Bren" or "Bren-nandi")

-ji - suffix of affection (e.g., "Banichi-ji").

A note on the Ragi language: atevi are hard-wired for math. This is part of what makes the language, especially the language used in court (which is absolutely necessary for diplomacy) so incredibly difficult. There are different pronouns and word-endings for different quantities of what's being talked about -- it's so rampant, in fact, that Bren discovers that he can do rapid mathematics in his head by simply thinking in Ragi. But as such, it is very, very, very rare for a human to ever become fluent, even after a lifetime of study. Bren Cameron is a truly extraordinary person in that he is.

Additionally, a deep deep feature of atevi culture (and this is mostly universal) is an understanding that, essentially, even numbers are unlucky and odd numbers are fortunate. An ateva will be very uncomfortable if presented with two options, for example -- they will be on edge, on a very deep psychological level, until a third option appears. The fact that human culture is often centered around duality is one of the many, many reasons why a paidhi is absolutely necessary.

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

The End of the Line – Update and You Asked, I Told (Part 1 of 2)

Hi, friends! I have completed my move and gotten settled in to my new apartment and state and job, so I’m back here to answer some Asks and give a writing update.

In the past couple of months, I’ve somehow managed to crank out about 45,000 words of BW. All the way to the end. Yep. BW is DONE. I literally cannot believe it. It needs some quality time with the beta, and I want to catch up on answering comments, so I’m (tentatively) planning to post the rest of the chapters on Veterans Day, 11/11/2020. I remember commenting to someone that I would have the whole fic done by Veterans day 2018 but hahahahahahaha [sob]. As of right now, I believe it’s going to be three more chapters, and you can decide if you want to binge them or draw it out. I’m also planning to do a select list of works consulted, but I will probably attach that to the BW timeline when I get it done rather than tack it onto the end of BW.

I’ve also started outlining a new fic that I’m excited about. It’s a BuckyCap canon divergence story that’s been percolating in my mind for a few years and has done about 400 evolutions. I was planning to move on to an AIDS fic, but that would require so, so much research, and honestly, I’m researched out after BW. I need a break. But there will be some similar themes, so if you’re here for more emoshy angst, there’s more coming your way. In first person!

I’ve cleaned out my Tumblr inbox and am posting my Ask answers in two batches. I’m feeling less quarantined out and consumed with my move, so I’m going to continue working toward being more responsive more quickly. Moving forward, I might just answer the asks as they come up rather than batching them. I dunno.

The following contain spoilers for everything up to the latest chapter of BW. 

Starting with some love (thank you!) and progressing to questions. 

Oh, thank you so much! I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying it alkfjalfjsakjf!

Thank you so much! It’s something I’m seriously considering, actually. Although I could never publish BW the way it is (it’s far, far, FAR too long for any publisher to pick up as-is), I am planning to go through the manuscript after this and re-write the essential story in hopes of de-Marveling it and shopping it around. I’ve been playing around with the idea of even trying first person, since the character voices are so strong, but I love close third a lot too, so I’ll have to play around with it.

I appreciate your patience, and I’m so happy that you’re into it enough to wait so long for the damn thing to come out!

I’ve written a lot of layers into the story in hopes that it will have decent re-read value – for those brave enough to read a 700k word fic more than once. But honestly, it’s so complicated sometimes that even I lose track of all the things I’ve woven in throughout. Part of it is that it’s a very different animal from where I started, both in terms of story and style, and I had some places I planned to go but then diverted, so there may be artifacts of old ideas floating around, I’m sure!

You’re so right that the avoidance response is unbelievably strong for them, and part of their relationship goals (in my mind, anyway) is for them to be more direct in expressing what’s going on with them and what they need. As for the photo album, I can totally imagine this playing out – a nice family get together, some familial razzing, a highly triggered person trying to keep his shit together, but it’s Bucky, and emotion regulation is still not a very strong suit for him. So, presto. Awful picture night shenanigans.

As for Steve and his judgement call here, I agree that it’s definitely not the best. But I kind of wanted to show him as also being a vulnerable person who is struggling with this and wants relief from it. I think it’s more typical in fic to have one person is traumatized and the other who is this unwavering, grounded rock that is relatively unaffected by their loved one’s trauma and can provide appropriate support. Which is great! People like this absolutely exist. But this stuff with Bucky has really fucked Steve up, too, in addition to having his own trauma. He’s also feeling very distant from Bucky now, and one of the ways that they have historically gotten close is to have sex. It’s their go-to coping strategy as a couple. Don’t talk, fuck. So I thought it made sense that, on this night of vulnerability, they might resort to that.

(See Baghdad Waltz Timeline ) Yeah, he was twelve, which is right before his family moved to New York. I’ve been sprinkling the episode around many chapters and don’t plan to go into a whole lot more detail about it TBH. It’s not essential to know all of the details, I don’t think. However, more will be revealed about Bucky and Jack’s relationship and how Bucky feels about him/felt about him, so hopefully that can provide a little context for it. Bucky has a lot of conflicting feelings about Jack and what happened to him, so we are forced to look at it through the eyes of a highly unreliable narrator. I hope future chapters (or chapters after this Ask was sent), will shed a little light on this.

You’re spot on that Bucky totally minimizes it. Especially with Steve, knowing that Steve both needs to roughly know and probably will lose his mind if he knows the whole story. It was a brutal beating with some significant injuries that needed extra medical attention. As a side note, Bucky undoubtedly lied about having any surgeries, etc. in order to get into the Army.

Thank you so much! I’m fully aware how emotionally exhausting this story can be, and I’m never quite sure whether or not to be apologetic about it. I’m not aiming to sensationalize anything or manipulate feelings out of readers or characters, truly. My guiding star is asking, okay, given everything, what would happen next? Not necessarily what *I* want to happen next, but what would these characters do now? Certainly I throw some circumstances in their way, but a lot of the emotional and relational responses to these are me trying to unflinchingly show what would happen with these two particular people with these two particular psychologies and histories. 

As we can see, for as much as they love each other, this relationship is highly problematic. And these people are really struggling individually. I do try to show the good parts too, to balance things out, because I don’t want to shy away from those either. I’m always hopeful that the balance doesn’t become so out of whack that people nope out of the story.

Oh my God, I know. I think about that sometimes as well. Bucky was a highly skilled military professional, though I do wonder if this is one of the only environments that would have allowed him to avoid his own trauma quite this well. The military is such an all-encompassing career, one where, especially at higher ranks, you work ALL. THE. TIME. When you’re working all the time, when everything is about the men, about these extremely intense deployment experiences, there’s very little room for the past to creep in. It’s the perfect avoidance strategy. 

Moreover, the highly rigorous structure was excellent for Bucky, who tends to spiral out if he’s not operating within very firm boundaries. A lot of people with emotion regulation problems like Bucky’s can do very well in the military because of this. But when he lost that, so violently, it was the perfect catalyst for everything to come careening back to him. Especially when he really toned down the drinking. This is life for a lot of veterans, though certainly not all, or even most. But Bucky’s relationship with the military was absolutely symbiotic, yes. It is sad.

This is one of Bucky’s attempts to earn favor with his new friends in New York, so good catch on the lie. Someone with an affectionate nickname obviously must have been liked, right? The last thing he wanted to do was have a repeat of his experience in Kentucky, so he put on a very good show and bullshat his way into a good social situation in New York. It’s not really bullshit though, because he’s a likable person. But I imagine he assessed the way he was, quiet, thoughtful, sweet, and probably decided nope, I’m not gonna be those things here. Not again. Some of the stuff, like his thoughtfulness and sweetness, couldn’t really be suppressed. But he did a lot of impression management in New York, including the creation of this nickname for himself.

Now, on to Part Two! See you there. 

[bangtan-gal]

Cupid’s Game

Hwang Hyunjin x Fem!Reader, Han Jisung x Fem!Reader Part 1 | Part 2 Word Count: 4.9k  Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, a pretty soft chapter overall. The fun stuff comes next chapter  Soulmate!AU Fantasy!AU Cupid!Hyunjin A/N: I apologize if the explanation is confusing, I clear it up better next chapter 

“Y/N, I’m so glad you could make it!” 

Your smile wasn’t nearly as wide as your counselor’s as she lead you into her office. For the past seventeen years of your life, you had to deal with these stupid yearly counseling sessions. She acted as your therapist and advisor, trying to help you understand the world you had been born into. But once you turned eighteen, everything changed. Now,  your main goal was supposed to be finding your soulmate and living life happily.

Unfortunately for your advisor, you weren’t actually trying.

The logs you’d given her for every monthly evaluation had been faked. You hadn’t traveled around, paid extra attention to especially cute people, and you had completely ignored any “tugging from the depths of your soul.” Sure, there had been times where it felt like your heart literally jumped, but you never felt this unpreventable need to find the apparent love of your life. 

You handed her the folder once again and then followed your same old routine of collapsing into the recliner chair and checking your nails as you waited for her to confirm your adventures. While your log suggested an exciting life, your life was really anything but. You were focusing solely on your classes, using your status to move ahead with ease. Most people like you—stupidly called doxies—were well-known celebrities and were doted on by everyone.   They had no talent, no job, no degree, absolutely nothing with merit, but yet they still had more recognition and money that everybody else.

The reason your “kind” even existed was because of the close destruction to humankind hundreds of years ago. After chemical warfare that took over the whole planet, the human race was almost completely wiped out. And when extinction was right around the corner, someone or… something proposed the idea of perfect couples. The first doxies were created, quickly fell in love, and had children that were stronger. The being who created these people was called a ‘Cupid’ and from there, the society you lived in today was created. 

Every time you thought of it, the more insane the idea became. It didn’t matter how many times it was explained to you. Doxies were born with perfect genes, along with the mutation factor that caused them to feel extremely connected to another one of their kind. Because of the perfect genes, their children became better with each new generation and somehow, it created a world that was mostly peaceful and united. 

There were many theories as to why the creation of doxies kept wars to a minimum. Some believed that the children they had were born with lower violence tendencies. Others thought that it was more of a psychological game: everyone had to believe in the Cupid, so the main cause of war disappeared. Or that since doxies were so worshipped, it gave humans a better thing to do than to brutally murder one another. 

Simply put, you were born to be an incubator to perfect little babies and it was the last thing you wanted to be.

You looked up from your nails, watching as Leila turned through the last few pages of your log. Normally, she would be smiling as she read over your pages, but there was an unimpressed frown on her face. You bit your lip, hoping that she wasn’t expecting you to “do more.” 

“You know,” she hummed, letting the folder flutter closed, “I’m not an idiot.”

You opened your mouth, but she talked over you.

“Y/N, I can tell you haven’t done anything. I know you haven’t done anything for the past seven months. You’re not my first client, my dear. I can tell when someone is faking,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She was silent for a few seconds, brushing her hair from her face before she looked at you. “Although I am not a doxy, I can understand your disposition against this whole ordeal. But, you have to understand something.”

You raised an eyebrow at her, indignation starting to flare up. Leila leaned over her desk, her blonde hair falling across her face as she did. She didn’t flinch at your narrowed gaze, just met it with a calm one of her own.

“You are playing with higher power my dear,” she whispered. There was evident fear in her voice and it started to unnerve you. “I know you don’t want to be forced to love someone, but the problem is that not only is the government strict on this whole ordeal, you also have the Cupid to deal with. Yes, doxies are given wealth and fame beyond imagination, but they are more strict with you than anyone else.  

“You haven’t experienced it yet because you are so young, but Y/N, if you haven’t found your soulmate by the time you’re 21 and announced your marriage, the government will come after you. I think it’s stupid too, but as stupid as the whole idea is, the human race does rely on the mixed genes of two doxies—”

“But, we’re no longer worrying about extinction!” You argued.

“There are things you don’t understand!” She shouted, standing up. Her hands slammed on the table. “You think I got this job because I got some psychology degree and minored in Cupid studies? I got this job because the government decided I was trustworthy enough to know what’s really going on with this whole soulmate getup!” She sat down, burying her face in her hands. You sat there, stunned. It was hard to say what shocked you more: her shouting at you or whatever she had just revealed. What was it that you didn’t understand? Was the human race still fighting extinction? Chemical destruction? Leila cleared her throat, adjusting her shirt and patting her cheeks. Her face was bright red. 

“Y/N, unfortunately, I am in no place to tell you of what is going on, but I suggest you actually start looking for your soulmate. Because if you don’t: everything your family has gained because of your genes will disappear. They will disappear. You will be taken into custody, the government will find your soulmate for you, and you will lose any chance at the freedom you had before.”

She handed you back your faked log, blue eyes sad. Once you took the folder, she motioned you to leave, and you wearily did.  Your stomach was rolling. Your family had been in poverty before you’d been born. It was your existence that put dinner on the table and a roof over your head—but now it was more than just your existence—it was your cooperation. You didn’t need Leila to elaborate on what exactly freedom meant; you had a sickening idea of what losing it meant.

You sat in your car, watching as people passed by. Your fingers traced the tattoo on your wrist: a branding you had been given at birth. A branding that defined your whole life. The branding that took away your chance to truly live: find love on your own, make friends, fight your own struggles, and not live your life with someone always watching you. People always recognized that mark: smiling at you, congratulating you, sometimes even going as far as to bow. You thought of the mandatory checks you had at the police station when you were ten and fifteen. 

With a huff, you started your car and drove away. Part of you just wanted to keep driving to see how far you could go and where you could get lost, but you knew better than that. The first thing you’d been warned of when you turned fifteen was that you would always be watched. You learned that quickly, because any little thing you did to act out, you had to have a serious talk with some man in your house. He never told you of any future consequences, he would just always say that you were a vital part of society. You always figured that it meant you were a role model to regular humans, but now you started to question that. Was humanity still fighting extinction? Or is there a bigger role that doxies play?

You pulled into the driveway and climbed out of your car. The home you lived in was big enough to house seven families, but only four of you lived there. Five if you count your dog. You stepped inside and didn’t bother to say hello as you walked to your room. 

You wanted to be alone, but that plan was changed when you noticed your younger sister sitting on your bed. She was flipping through a magazine and glanced up as you sadly slumped onto your bed. A huff escaped her and she closed the magazine.

“What are you pouting about now?” She asked, tapping your head. You rolled onto your back, crossed your arms over your stomach, and stared at the ceiling. 

“I absolutely have to find my soulmate,” you muttered, “they’re forcing me to.”

She tilted her head at you. “You act as if it’s a bad thing that you for sure have love out there.”

You frowned. 

“I don’t think you understand how much it sucks to have your free will taken away from you,” you grumbled. She rolled her eyes, laying down beside you. The two of you were silent for a few more minutes, both of you just staring at the old glow in the dark stars on your ceiling. They glowed faintly in the dusk light. 

“You didn’t lose your free will, Y/N,” she said, “think of it as if it’s a fairy tale. You have true love out there, but every decision you make up to that point and afterward is your own. Plus, your soulmate is supposed to be your perfect match. That’s how the Cupid pairing works—it’s not like you’ll be miserable.”

“Maybe the Cupid messed up, I’m a complicated person.”

“Everybody’s a complicated person,” she snapped and then rolled onto her side to stare at you. “What about your soulmate? What if they want to meet you? What if love is the one thing they need in their life, what are they going to do if you refuse to be found?”

You smiled bitterly at her.

“Why do you have to sound so smart?”

She smiled back at you. Her hand found yours and she squeezed gently. She tucked her head against your shoulder. 

“And if it doesn’t work out perfectly, all that matters is that the cameras show a happy couple right?”

That’s what you used to think—that your life would become a reality show. But there was more to it than that. You had to have kids and raise them right. You had to contribute to society. You had to be happy with your life and play by the Cupid’s rules. 

But laying there, letting your mind run, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept that. No one had seen the Cupid in hundreds of years. Who was to say that it was still alive? Why should you live your life like a game that was created by some dusty creature that hadn’t been seen in centuries?

♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠

A year passed slowly. 

Nothing exciting happened in the year. You turned nineteen, got a job, and continued to work towards you goal of becoming a lawyer. Leila still saw you once a month, looking thoroughly unimpressed by every fake log you handed her. But she no longer fought with you and it seemed that she’d also accepted whatever fate was to be bestowed upon you. She would mutter about the government and the Cupid and how things are looking down for you. 

But for all her worrying and muttering, you didn’t see any problems. You weren’t given any warnings or had any talks with some official in your house.They didn’t seem to be paying attention to you and it felt like you were free to live your life. 

The only thing you forgot was that your soulmate could find you. 

Fall was nearing and the days were growing slower. The air was crisp and cold. You were walking your dog through the park, lost in your own world. School wasn’t going as well as you had hoped—your grades were falling and quickly.

You weren’t given much time to worry about your grades though. A finger tapped your shoulder and  you came face to face with a boy. He was near your height, his hair a dark, messy mop, and his eyes were deep brown. You froze when his hand dropped from your shoulder and skimmed over your fingers.

“You-you’re—” 

“Do you mind?” You shrieked, forcing yourself out of the stupor. You moved away from him, keeping your hand pressed to your chest. Your dog stirred nervously at your feet, uncertain of what to think of the stranger. 

He blinked. 

“You’re my soulmate,” he breathed. You pursed your lips. Fear started to creep over his features at your silence. His hands started to fidget at  his sides and his teeth dug into his lip. Doubt started to cloud his eyes. “I-I mean, it feels like you are.”

His hand pressed over his heart. 

You held your breath for a few seconds and closed your eyes. This was it; this was your chance. Your chance to prove that your life is your own and you didn’t owe it to anybody to fall in love with this boy. You let your breath out.

“I’m just going to get this over with: I am, but I don’t want to be. Love is a choice, a feeling that’s not forced upon someone. It might feel like we love one another, but we don’t,” you paused, your eyes finally opening to meet his, “and I’m not going to try and pretend. The government can screw their… what stupid game this is.”

He was silent, his eyes searching yours. Whatever strength that had been in you started to wane. The hurt, the fear, and the confusion in his eyes was enough to make you wonder if what you were doing was really right. If the government was watching: you weren’t only getting yourself hurt. He was going to get hurt because of you too. 

You didn’t even know his name.

“Look, I’m so—”

“Well this doesn’t seem right.”

You blinked, trying to find the  body of the voice. But as you continued to, your vision started to swim. The world spun around you and your whole body started to give out beneath you. You stumbled, reaching out your hands blindly to catch your fall. 

You managed to catch yourself, but everything around you was quickly changing. There was a distant sound of your dog barking and the feeling of a light breeze, but it swiftly faded. The cement turned to marble, the cold turned to a perfect temperature, and the smell of hay and dead leaves was replaced by an indescribable scent. Like your mother’s cooking or the smell of Christmas.  You glanced up, staring at the place you were in. Pristine quartz walls rose up high to a completely glass ceiling. Not far in front of you, two large, dark double doors were shut. There was a strong urge pulsing from deep inside to open those doors, but you were unable to move, scared of whatever would happen. 

“What the hell?”

You jumped, glancing over your shoulder. Your soulmate sat on the floor behind, his expression similar to yours as he took in your surroundings. Your heart dropped as the two of you made eye contact and the worry in your stomach grew. ‘You don’t even know what you’re dealing with Y/N.’ Not only had you gotten yourself in trouble, but your stubbornness dragged an innocent boy into the mix. 

Several minutes passed with the two of you just staring at one another. You were fighting the urge to cry, realizing that whatever was happening, what was about to happen, was entirely your fault. Your chin pressed against your chest and you covered your mouth, eyes pinching shut. Maybe you should’ve listened to Leila and your sister. You could’ve just accepted the truth: that your life was laid out for you the second you were born.

“Hey”—an arm was slung over your shoulders—“don’t cry. It’s going to be fine; we’ll be fine.”

You shook your head. 

“You don’t understand,” you gasped, “I’ve known the consequences of what would happen if I continued to fight my life. I got you dragged into this because I couldn’t just accept it.”

You looked at him, eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re not in for anything good.”

Just then, the doors swung open. Loud footsteps echoed throughout the building. Your gaze moved up, watching as a boy—seemingly close in age to both of you—strut towards you. He wore a completely white silk jumper, with a light brown belt, and a dusty pink cape fluttering from his shoulders. His black hair was parted very far to the left, his eyes were just as dark as his hair. His skin was fair, such a contrast to his dark hair, that it looked close to white. His cheekbones were high, his jaw was sharp, and his body was lean. 

“Y/N Y/L/N. Han Jisung,” he hummed. His eyes ran over the two of you with something close to disdain. You watched him warily as he moved towards you.  He stopped once he was directly in front of you, slowly crouching down.  His fingers delicately grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at him. Shivers ran down your spine as his gaze carefully traced your face before he moved on to stare at Jisung.

Then, as if he had been shocked, he pulled back from you. The boy stood up and backed away. Your body was shaking wildly, completely out of your control.  It had felt like a thousand tiny sparks had erupted when he touched you. It was a feeling of sheer power and you felt powerless next to him. 

“Are the two of you going to continue to sit on the floor like peasants? Come on, we have much to talk about,” he commanded, snapping his fingers. Jisung and you exchanged looks before the two of you rose together and hurried after the boy. 

The further you walked, the more amazed you became by the place. Your fear started to become replaced by awe as you walked past crystal walls and star-filled ceilings. The marble floor became darker and darker until you were walking on a smooth, black tile. Potted plants lined the walls, all sorts of flowers spilling over the pots and filling the air with a smell that was unlike any floral scent. 

Eventually, you stopped walking. The three of you stood in a simple room. A leather couch was pushed against a wall, a coffee table placed a few feet in front of it. None of you sat. Instead, the three of you stood, staring at each other. Finally, the mystery boy spoke.

“I am what you assume me to be,” he murmured, “a Cupid. Although, humans have a very… different ideas of what Cupids really are. Specifically being that there is no one cupid and that we are definitely not immortal.”

“Huh?”

You wished you had something more intelligent to say, but you were wavering between a mixture of fear and awe and it was messing with your mind. This place was amazing, but the way you got here and the boy in front of you were not something to take lightly. Before, the Cupid had just been some invisible thing that only existed in stories whenever people talked about the war.

“This might take a little more than I thought,” he groaned and then snapped his fingers. Your heart leaped and the next thing you knew you were sitting in a black armchair, the room around you dissolving into a more office-like place. The boy sat down across from you. “My name is Hyunjin. I am a Cupid.

“You see here, everything you think about Cupids are very, very wrong. The whole ‘soulmate’ get up has existed since the beginning of time. We’ve been creating perfect pairs for as long as we can remember,” he explained. He paused, watching the two of you carefully. When neither of you spoke, he continued. “Every couple has been put together by us. We work in the way people originally thought Cupids to be: shooting arrows at people when they meet and starting a love between them. Now in the past hundred years, a ‘different kind of human’ has come along. That was not our doing—that was the chemicals released during the war. Believe it or not, most of these perfect humans are not paired with others the same as them. Cupids put people together whenever they feel a spark between two people.”

Your mouth opened and closed, your mind struggling to keep up with what was happening. Because all you were hearing was that everything you told as a child was a lie. Of course, you weren’t sure if you were happy exactly over the idea. Oddly enough, it helped that the reason you were forced to love somebody wasn’t because of some perfect genes you were born with. 

“And Y/N,” Hyunjin said, his eyes meeting yours, “you’re not forced to love anybody. Many arrows don’t create a romantic relationship, but a very good friendship. Cupids were created for the sake of creating happy relationships.”

Your eyes narrowed as he continued to explain, but as he slowly finished up, you found your anger starting to dissipate.  There were still many questions that were floating in your mind, but there was a small form of clarity blooming in your mind. 

“Wait a second,” Jisung spoke up, “why are we here? Why are you explaining this? Like—it’s nice, believe me, but… I’ve never heard of this before.”

Hyunjin leaned back with a sigh. “Yes, that’s probably because we seem to be in a situation we’ve never stumbled upon before.”

His lips quirked up a bit as his eyes moved from Jisung to you.

“The arrow hit Jisung, but for whatever reason, I was unable to get Y/N.” Hyunjin watched you carefully as he started to roll up his sleeve. He showed the two of you his arm and your mouth dropped. While you had a number tattooed into your arm, you had also been born with a very dark, interestingly shaped birthmark on your stomach. 

The same exact shape was on Hyunjin’s wrist. 

“I believe that Y/N and I have several things to discuss,” he muttered, laughing to himself as he rolled his sleeve back down. “But for now, I think it’s best the two of you get settled. As much as I wish I could just send you back down to Earth, some things need to be figured out before you do.”

Hyunjin then proceeded to lead the pair of you to a room and left you there. It was a large room, but there was only one bed. You found it ironic that he was only just saying a few minutes ago that no was forced to love somebody else, but he was putting the two of you in a room together and claiming he had no others. In a place as big and majestic as this, you could imagine there was a hundred of bedrooms. 

But either way, you refused to act childish and give him the satisfaction of watching you squirm. The two of you agreed to share a bed, but you quickly noticed that Jisung seemed more uncomfortable that you did. He was fidgety as the two of you lay in bed, both of you clearly unable to sleep, but neither one saying a thing. 

Jisung broke the silence.

“So you’re telling me that when we touched… you didn’t feel anything?” He asked quietly. You shifted, glancing over at him. 

“No?” You muttered, eyebrows furrowing. “Was there something?”

His hand slowly reached for yours, his fingers curling over yours. His hand was shaking as he did so and once your skin made contact, he gasped softly. It was hard to see in the dark, but from what you could tell, there was a light dancing in his eyes.

“It feels like there’s sparks going off between us. It-it just fills my body every time and its so hard to ignore. My heart starts racing and butterflies erupt…” he trailed off, a sad tone filling his voice. You felt genuinely bad. There was no way to say that you would never like him back, but at the moment, you felt nothing for this boy while he seemed to feel more than just a vague liking for you. 

“Hey,” you whispered, squeezing his hand, “don’t lose hope, okay? Everything is really confusing right now, but once we get out of here and understand exactly what is going on, the two of us can figure it out, ‘kay?” The more you thought about his explanation, the more worry started to worm its way into your stomach. Your mind ran back to when Hyunjin touched you: how it felt like electricity was running through your body and taking over your senses. The way he had pulled back, a shocked look on his face;  something wasn’t right. 

♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠

You woke up before Jisung with only one thought in your mind. Hyunjin knew more than he was letting on. Whether it was a tactic to leave you in the dark and play with you, or to spare Jisung’s feeling, you didn’t care. You had questions and they were going to be answered, whether the boy wanted to or not. 

The place was not easy to navigate. There were hundreds of halls and stairs and many of the rooms looked the same. It was by pure luck that you somehow managed to make it down to the and found Hyunjin. He didn’t look surprised to see you.

“Good morning,” he hummed. 

“Yeah,” you muttered, sitting down across from him at the table. You pulled your shirt up, pointing to the birthmark on the low left of your stomach. “What exactly does this mean? Who are you? Why couldn’t you hit me?”

He took a slow sip from his mug, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Y/N, you seem to think that I have more answers than I actually do. I have a few ideas, but those are much different than knowing, aren’t they?” He paused. His face was  swimming worriedly as his eyes zeroed in on the mark on your stomach. You let the shirt fall, shifting in your seat. “It-this concerns me deeply. I am… truly not sure. The ideas I have worry me because it would mean that other things are at work that I cannot control.”

“Could you stop being so fucking cryptic?” You snapped, slamming your hands on the table. Hyunjin didn’t even look remotely startled. His eyes just settled lazily on you again before he sighed.

“I fear that either another Cupid has… shot both of us somehow or that the universe folded once again.”

“What—”

“The universe folding is an expression we use to explain that something has fallen out of our hands. Every now and then, people are born with soulmates already chosen for them. Although that incident is also out of our hands, it truly only worries us when it happens to a Cupid,” he muttered, his voice growing quieter and quieter. You froze. Hyunjin frowned. 

“Are you trying to tell me… that we’re soulmates?” You squeaked out. Your face was burning bright red. This couldn’t be happening. Life was already too complicated, but this was just thrown at you so viciously.

“There is one way to tell.”

You were at attention immediately. You nodded, hoping to prove that whatever was happening was just fake. That the two of you having the same birthmark was just a crazy chance. Hyunjin stood up and walked towards you. Everything moved fast, too fast for you to stop it. His fingers moved your chin up and his lips pressed down to yours. For a second, you didn’t want it, but as his lips started to slowly move against yours, you started to melt into him. The moment you let yourself fall into the kiss, sparks erupted where you touched. Fire started to spread through your body and you were happily letting it consume you.

Your hands curled into his hair, pulling him closer and pressing yourself tighter against him. Hyunjin stumbled and he struggled to catch himself. He failed and fell against you, the two of you falling to the ground.  He pulled away with a gasp, his body heaving. His eyes were dilated and you were certain you looked the same.

“Holy shit,” he muttered, his body shaking against yours. “That-that was…”

“Crazy,” you whispered.

Your body was still alight at every place the two of you touched. Part of you tried to force yourself to hate it, but you couldn’t. It was like a rush; a drug that was stronger than any other. You were fighting the urge to just dive right back in. 

Then your mind went to Jisung and all the sparks disappeared. Your body went cold and you pushed Hyunjin away. Your eyes pinched shut. There was so much that you had to work out. If this was what Jisung felt every time he touched you, how were you supposed to reject him? It was addictive. 

“I can’t believe this,” you huffed. You looked up, staring at Hyunjin. 

“What kind of game did you people just throw me into?”

[beelsnack]

Hi! If you feel like it I'd love the answers to all the obey me mc questions!

=O I always feel like talking about Kieran!! 

Which of the Boys are they the most like? Probably Belphegor. They both act like brats but they really just want to be loved and cuddled.

Which of the Boys are they the least like? Asmodeus, which is why they get along so well. He’s the only one who can convince them to do some self care everyone once in a god damned while, and they’re the only one who can pull his head out of his own ass to see reason. Who does your MC date? [If multiple, what order do they start dating each one?] Obey Me, the Hot Poly Mess Simulator™. Mammon was first, because I’m a sucker for the friends to lovers trope. Beelzebub came next, but only after they had a big conversation about how monogamy was solely a human concept and they wouldn’t hurt anybody’s feelings if they had multiple lovers. The other brothers followed pretty much seamlessly, although Kieran and Belphegor had their own issues to work out. (Beel had to mediate.)

Yes, they’re dating all seven brothers because I don’t want to pick.

How does your MC Sleep? [On their side, on their back, with a partner, etc., in PJs, etc.] This is where my inner psychology nerd took over, I actually did research on what sleep positions say about personality. Kieran sleeps on their side with their arms outstretched. (’The Yearner’ sleeping position, if anyone’s interested. It’s kind of neat, actually!) They actively refuse to wear pants to bed, sleep shorts at the most. 

If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your MC, what would it be and why? Na Na Na by MCR. It has such chaotic energy that fits Kieran to a T. Did they come from a religious family/culture? Do they practice a religion? Kieran is actually a practicing witch! They never did anything with demon summoning or ouija boards, but a lot of green witchcraft and divination. They had a side hustle up in the Human Realm doing Tarot and palm readings. They started when they were a teenager in their rebellious Goth phase just to piss off their Roman Catholic mother, but decided that they actually liked it and kept with it.  What do they think about the whole angel/demon stuff? They had considered themself agnostic up in the Human Realm. So suddenly having the fact that religion was at least a little bit true shoved in their face left a bad taste in their mouth. After the sting of being wrong faded, however, they actually found the history and mythology quite interesting. What’s your MC’s relationship with their family? Complicated. Their mother had BPD and an injury to her back that made her unable to work, and thus Kieran had always been in the role of the caregiver. Their father worked a lot to support the family, so that left Kieran to take care of their mother from a young age. Honestly, it wasn’t until they got sucked into the Devildom that they realized they had a shitty childhood. What are your MC’chances of survival if they got lost in the levels of Devildom that take you to the surface [aka the layers of Hell]? They’re small, but surprisingly scrappy. The lower level demons that went after them wouldn’t be too much trouble, but they would be very easy to lure off the path. I’m going to give them a 40% chance. Is your MC jealous/upset about not being able to use magic? Do they learn? They don’t have any flashy magical talent, but they have a base knowledge about how it should work, so they decide to teach themself. After setting fire to an empty classroom at RAD, however, they asked Solomon for some pointers. What was your MC’s first impression of the demon boys? After the initial terror wore off, they were vaguely annoyed by everything. These absolute nerds were the Seven Rulers of Hell? First impression of the Angels & Solomon? The Angels were...surprisingly normal. Luke reminded them of their little cousin, and Simeon was kind, if not secretly a Sass Master. Solomon was nice and fun to talk to, and they didn’t mind if he was a little shady. What is a skill your MC has that the Boys would be surprised by? Lock-picking. Do they own a secret place for their most prized possessions?  They bought a Halloween decoration from a craft store that was basically a hollowed out book. Anything they thought was important went in there and was hidden in their bookshelf. What’s the most important thing they own? Their Tarot. Do they eat the strange demon food? Unless it’s actively poisonous, they’ll try anything once. Although they’ll only eat Hell-sauce noodles if they need to clear out their sinuses. What’s their favourite part of being in Devildom? Going to RAD. The Exchange Program was basically just a really really late Hogwarts letter for them. What does your MC miss most about the human world? Sunshine. The Devildom is pretty in it’s own right, and they always did prefer nighttime, but sometimes they can actively feel their lack of vitamin D. Satan bought them a sunlamp. What does MC spend most of their time doing/with who? Gaming with Levi. He always begs them to play multiplayer with him because they’re one hell of a sniper. (Yes, he phrased it like that. Kieran couldn’t stop laughing for a solid five minutes.) How does MC wear the RAD uniform? [If they do.] They usually have a black undershirt on underneath it and wear it buttoned properly. They tried to do the tie thing for a while, but they kept fucking up the knots, so they just tied it around their neck like a scarf.

*wipes brow* Holy shit, that was a lot! But it was fun to write, so I hope it’s fun to read. ^^

[darkpoisonouslove]

Here are “some” fic writer asks for you: 1, 5, 6, 9, 10, 20, 32 (I know you’re pro smut, but I’d love to hear why), 34 😁😆

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Angst, angst, angst. XD While that is true, I will try to give you more than that because I am sure that you already know that part. A typical me fic has two characters (that is law), three max. I like exploring stuff in more depth and with larger casts of characters that becomes harder because there are way more PoVs to figure out and juggle while you also try to keep it somewhat in check when it comes to length and opportunities to shine that you give the characters. So I prefer to work with smaller casts. Besides, it happens naturally in my stories because the focus of the story is usually the relationship between two people so there’s no need to put anyone else in there. I also love writing about established relationships without using the word in a romantic context. I just love it when the characters have years upon years of interaction behind them and know each other so well, yet there are still things to figure out and explore between them because human nature is just so complicated. I like to have some fantasy elements or better yet fantasy characters in a non-magical/fantasy setting. That is one of my favorite things and something that I blame mostly OUAT for but not only (I have always liked that kind of thing). Oh, yes, how could I forget (smh)? Love is always present in one form or another. What kind of hopeless romantic would I be if I missed to include that? XD Also, I usually like to write more relaxed things in terms of action. Not that I don’t love me a good action adventure story but mainstream media usually plays harder into those because they’re more “exciting” so there is an abundance of that already while the emotional aspects of the situations usually get glossed over and I like exploring those exactly. So most of my fics are the characters conversing and killing each other with words. I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of it rn.

5. Share one of your strengths.

I don’t wanna say dialogue again because that is always my answer to this question but what other strengths do I have???? (You’ll have to forgive me for this but I am going through a fun bout of doubt over here that is about personal matters but I see it has affected everything else as well.) Okay, if we count the whole writing process and not just the actual writing parts, I’d say that I am very good with connecting the dots. It’s why my plots click together and all the details piece like they were just a puzzle waiting to be put in the right place. Finding the bonds between separate elements and exploring those bonds and the way they function has always been of special interest to me not just in writing, but in anything I do. I want to know how things work and why they work like that, why event A causes reaction B from character C. I think that has helped immensely with building cohesive and (hopefully) comprehensive character arcs to base my stories on.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

Now that I have to point out an actual weakness, I am stuck again because the doubt decided to fail me now (or is it my pride? or perhaps my analytical skills?). Anyway. One of my weaknesses is just powering through the details that I can’t figure out at the moment. I can’t do that and it really slows down the writing process a lot sometimes because I am stuck on the little things. However, I’d say that with me the little things very often influence the big things if not even take over them which explains why my process is like that. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I should just write the word I can think of even if it isn’t the right one instead of losing the rest of the sentence while I try to remember what is the word that I know will be perfect in that sentence. Or just put a placeholder for someone’s outfit and finish my damn outline instead of halting work on it for two months (yes, that is a specific example about a specific thing that has been annoying me).

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

Hardest to write are definitely the ones that are still unfinished. XD But from the complete ones, I’d say that hardest was The End of Never because it dealt with so many things that I know nothing about, emotionally speaking. It definitely required a lot of empathy and thinking and rethinking and overthinking... which is why it took so long to write (a year and 3 weeks).

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

I’d say that Heartless and A (Plot) Bunny Is Never Lonely were the two fics that were easiest to write. Heartless practically wrote itself while A (Plot) Bunny Is Never Lonely was supposed to be a joke, then a drabble, yet it kept growing until it was a full fic of its own. There definitely wasn’t a lot (or any) struggling with those two.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

I don’t really have any. But my requirements are usually a table with a chair or a bed, some music for background and my concentration to be present (like it hasn’t been recently which is why I gave writing a rest for a while). Oh, yes, and sleep usually helps even though it is not an essential condition.

32. How do you feel about smut?

I love smut if it is written the “right” way (I am saying that completely subjectively). For me a perfect smut scene is something that involves the characters in their wholeness as people, not just the physical aspects and not just the romantic ones either. Smut is actually something that can be so personal I love it when it influences the characters on a level that reaches outside of the sex scene and even outside of their relationship with each other, when it affects the way that they perceive themselves and each other, even the world around them. It has to be a profound experience that means something outside of physical pleasure, a connection of the souls. The way I see it, sex is something very intimate and a scene that is set during it can and should bring out something about who the character is, about how their current actions during the smut are influenced by their whole life, by the previous experiences they’ve had with lovers and not only. A sex scene can be very raw with what it says about a character and how they’ve been treated by life and it is made even more interesting by the fact that that happens in such a vulnerable moment. It is the perfect opportunity to explore trust or the lack of such, thereof. And not just trust but blockages the characters have that seemingly have nothing to do with sex. (Can you tell it’s the psychology talking? XD)

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

I actually like reading both non-con and dub-con if there is a point to it and it is not written only for shock value. Following my thoughts on smut, non-con and dub-con give an opportunity to explore the reactions of the characters to having their whole belief system violated and that can really show what a character is made of. I am not sure I can articulate this well but it’s about the defiance and strength that a character relies on to get through a situation like that, about the recovery that speaks volumes about their will to live and not let what was taken from them hold them back, about the fact that even when you move on, that remains a part of you and even the acceptance of that fact is forced on you because you have to accept it in order to be able to live without being ruled by it. I don’t think I understand my own feelings on it well enough in order to be able to explain better.

Send me fic writer asks

[kingofthewilderwest]

How do u feel about Mabel

I have an unending sense of adoration for what Mabel contributes to Gravity Falls. Technically, Mabel isn’t a favorite of mine – I don’t think of her or relate to her as much as others like Stan, Ford, Dipper, or Fiddleford. However, my appreciation for her is endless.

Gravity Falls couldn’t exist without Mabel. The story’s heart would be crippled. Mabel’s energy and charm provides a unique personality to the show through her unique personality. The show wouldn’t have the same vibe without her ridiculousness! Plus, GF is a story of familial love. And Mabel, as half of the younger Pines twins duo, is essential to giving us the feels of what it means to be in a loving but emotionally complicated family. They couldn’t have picked a better personality to interact with Dipper and Stan for the narrative’s central trio. The combination of Mabel’s vivacity, Stan’s gruffness, and Dipper’s paranoia… is what sells us on this cast. (With Bill, Soos, Wendy, Ford, Pacifica, Gideon, etc. making great additions.)

That’s already enough to celebrate Mabel, but I can’t say this enough: Mabel is the fulfillment of my greatest wish for women characters:

Let women be weird.

The Limited Scope of Female Personalities in Media

All genders get roped into stereotypical personalities in media, but I feel like women especially get reduced. I struggle relating to and loving fictional women… because they feel like the same restrictive subset of personalities I’ve seen reiterated again and again and again and again and again. 

There’s the rude, prissy, popular rich girl. 

There’s that easygoing cool tomboy. 

There’s the hot, edgy, serious, sexy, COOL, highly skilled badass action woman who is the most hardcore of the main cast, hides a sense of internal empathy and compassion, but warms up from her coldness when she meets the main character lead… and then probably goes and kisses him once he, despite being a rookie, magically manages to best her years of hard training.

*ka-sigh*

Even when a fictional woman doesn’t hit something that cringeworthily stereotypical, she still feels… bland. Fictional characters can be enjoyable exaggerations of personality traits – we have the opportunity to create as weird, ridiculous, or diverse of individuals as we possibly can. And yet usually women aren’t written to be as wild or diverse in their personalities as men. The ladies will probably look standardly pretty, act standardly reasonable, act standardly feminine, and make standard choices. Women characters in a cast often feel the least distinct to me. I’m probably not going to find quirks in my ladies or something that sets them apart from the crowd. Let’s be real: media depicts women according to societal expectation. Women in media are reduced to a washed-out, generic fantasy that doesn’t relate anything to how women feel, nor does it try hard to relate to what women feel.

The writing doesn’t understand women. And I can feel it.

When a bland, stale action woman goes on screen in her hot sexy tight pants, is her presentation supposed to be female empowerment (she’s fighting [gasp!])? Or is it another quick, uninspired shortcut without thinking through what her humanity is? “She fights, she’s a ‘good’ female role model, that’s good enough.” Still caters to the male gaze, still caters to male fantasy for what an attractive woman is like, still doesn’t think through her psychology, still presents media’s “desire” for what women “should” be like.

We drastically need to improve how women are written.

You know what my women friends are like? Women are loud and unashamed belchers. Women crack terrible puns about the French Revolution while everyone boos. Women dress up their stuffed animal cats in goggles and a lab coat. Women geek out over how cute worms are. Women want to kill the opposing team in sports competitions. Women eat food off the floor. Women spend sleepovers watching chick flicks and musicals. Women shriek screamo songs at the top of their lungs, getting maybe a third of the lyrics right, racing through the night in their car twenty miles over the speed limit. Women spend thirty five minutes trying to get the perfect selfie because their hair finally fucking cooperated. Women repeatedly text their friends photos of them flipping the bird making derp faces. Women play beer pong until they’re drunk. Women do unnecessarily complicated mathematics calculations to prove their point in fandom. Women stay up all night screaming murder at first person shooter video games. Women play shitty pop song covers on their tubas. Women spend an hour and a half dyeing their hair pink in the sink (and dye the entire bathroom pink in the process). Women debate the finer points of Immanuel Kant with one another. Women demand their friends dish the details when they hear someone has a new significant other. Women binge watch anime eating frozen dinners heated from the microwave while sobbing out their mascara. Women get crushes on Simba or Kovu from The Lion King. Women work out at gyms because they want to get RIPPED. Women. Are. Diverse. And. Delightfully. QUIRKY.

I know I ranted a long time about it, but the point is to show the difference between what women are (personable and peculiar)… versus the stale bread, watered-down crap we get in the movies.

So this. This is why I will never quit raving about Mabel.

Mabel finally lets us see an ACTUAL GIRL as ACTUAL GIRLS act: she’s delightfully, realistically, over-exaggeratedly, charmingly, unforgettably WEIRD.

Instead of trying to write a “girl” first and getting tied up in the tropes and gender biases, Gravity Falls writes a character who happens to be a girl with some girl traits.

What Makes Mabel Different

Instead of writing some standard bland stereotyping “oh this feels vaguely feminine and attractive” excuse-for-a-cardboard-cutout-of-a-woman… Mabel is given real love, real personality, real demonstration of what women are. After all these years of me suffering in theatres thinking, “Oh look, it’s the same uninspired sexy badass action woman stereotype,” I can finally find a character who’s not what media pretends women should be like. I see a character who the writers actually thought about her personality for!

Gravity Falls allows a woman character to do things I almost never see of women characters.

For starters: Mabel’s gross. She finds leftover tacos in the backseat of the car and decides it’s a perfect snack. She sticks her head into a dusty barrel and laughs when caterpillars crawl over her face. She makes fart sounds and laughs at those fart sounds. She lets a statue pick her nose. She shoves food into her mouth voraciously. She’s animated with wild, ridiculous, non-flattering facial expressions. Gravity Falls allows Mabel to be gross.

This is already amazing to me. Cartoons are a little better than live action movies, where the latter can’t let a woman look imperfect when she’s crying or fighting villains. But cartoons often have limitations for how women are shown, too. It’s refreshing to see a girl who is gross.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d be hard-pressed to name even three other contemporary Western women characters who’re allowed to be girly AND gross. Mabel Pines. Princess Fiona. The list ends there for me? Sometimes I’ll see girls in media dressed with “unruly” appearances – their hair is SLIGHTLY frazzled and they wear glasses (gasp) – but that’s not real grossness, and it’s especially not grossness combined with girliness.

Gravity Falls isn’t afraid to make Mabel both gross and “girly”, and that’s special.

Next, Mabel’s girliness feels authentic. By “girliness” I mean Mabel taking actions according to Western societal gender norms for ciswomen. I don’t mean that’s how girls have to innately be. I hate the idea that people “should” behave according to gender roles and encourage us all to express our individuality. Anyway. Yes, most women in media have girliness to them… but nothing prepared me to seeing a twelve year old girl act like the twelve year old girls I knew.

Mabel loves bright colors, rainbows, unicorns, cute boys, formal dances, boy bands, and looking cute. These are girly traits and girly interests. But the way they show Mabel, Candy, and Grenda bonding over boy talk at a sleepover? That ridiculous, unrestrained screaming, combined with the mischievous grins, is exactly the sort of stuff I grew up with. It’s not just “oh we wrote a girl who likes pink and makeup who gets catty about crushes” – it’s “oh, we wrote a girl who enjoys her girly side like a twelve year old would!”

Gravity Falls allows Mabel to live according to some elements of the gender norm. The show doesn’t tote the idea that people live without gender influence, that people live in a vacuum of culture. It shows people in society often live by some pattern of gender roles. But, the show doesn’t make Mabel be that norm or preach she should be that norm. Honestly, I don’t see many shows try to strike this balance: willing to give characters gender role interests, while still respecting that everyone is unique and doesn’t need to live by those roles. Either the shows completely drop gender roles (which can be refreshing and help us overcome our biases) or they stick too close to assumptions that your gender = your brain, which is backwards thinking.

GF doesn’t lazily pin a character with girly traits because “that’s what women are.” It doesn’t stop at some assumptive “She wears pretty boots.” It understands Mabel’s psychology, lets her express that girliness unrestrained, provides her screen time to live this (!!! screen time to girl time in an all-gender-demographic-show!!!), and allows her to intersect that girliness with her grossness and her weirdness.

Next, Mabel is allowed to be confident and bold. Society isn’t good with women being bold and outspoken yet. Women often get criticized for being bossy, bitchy, obnoxious, etc. when they speak their minds and act with the confidence that men are “allowed” to have in their daily lives. And yet Mabel can be an outspoken and unrestrained character.

It works well for her age, too! 

Last, Mabel is weird. Mabel has quirks. I’ve said this three hundred times and I’ll say it three hundred more, but Mabel being weird is a delight. It’s not often that women are allowed to be the ridiculous comedic side in children’s / family animation. (Yay Ruffnut for also fulfilling this role.) 

Mabel is unrestricted, allowed to be a wild dork on screen. She’ll eat tubes of toothpaste because they’re sparkly, make “Mabel juice” with plastic dinosaurs in the pitchers, dress pigs in costume, knit scratch-and-sniff sweaters, slap stickers on her uncle’s nose, scream for a minute straight before coughing up glitter, dream up the centaurtaur, and more. 

But it’s not just that. It’s her mindset. Mabel’s excitement for things – down to an eight legged cow having “more limbs for hugging” – is a perspective I essentially never see in stories. She’s got a way of looking at the world like no one else I know. It’s a wild, bizarre perspective… but that’s what makes her so good and human. 

Mabel has a “What the heck?” vibe from her, whether it’s her interests, her thought processes, or her choices.

And frankly, that’s so much more relatable, personable, and beautiful to me… than almost any other woman I see on screen in media. When I see Mabel, I can remember what I was like as a kid.

Although I’m non-binary, I didn’t grow up knowing about non-cis gender. I grew up more or less thinking of myself as a little girl. Many of my childhood experiences were with little girls. So, when I look at old photographs of myself, I see someone with unrestrained energy, joy, and weirdness - just like Mabel.

That is what kids are like, guys! That is what kids are like!

Not this weird restricted stereotype on television I see! But THIS.

So yeah. 

Even just from the topic “What does Mabel bring to women’s representation in media,” Mabel is a shooting star. She’s a success. I love it. It’s freeing, exciting, and refreshing to me, being able to see a woman character given this loving treatment. I’m passionate about women being represented well in media, and not in the sense of falsely-portrayed empowerment. Mabel is the glorious three-dimensional, unique, bizarre, memorable type of girl I want!

She’s worth celebrating for all her personality traits, too: her creativity, her energy, her lightheartedness, her love for her family. But that’s content for another essay.

In short: bless Mabel Pines. Bless, bless, bless Mabel Pines.

This is a damn great character.

[scripttorture]

(1/2) I am writing a fantasy story and I wanted to have a character who undergoes a type of solitary confinement but not really? They would be isolated from practically everything except to analyse data and send reports but never receive any form of communication other than orders. But I was on the fence of whether or not I wanted to have them have a magical "bond" with their twin, meaning they would be able to sense each other and know they were alive but be unable to communicate anything else

(2/2) Solitary confinement cont: though, I guess they could sometimes be able to communicate emotions if they were feeling it really strongly. would this still be considered solitary confinement? Would the symptoms be lessened? I’m planning for them to stay in that situation for at least ten years if not more. Would it even matter if they could sense their twin, or would they be affected just as “strongly” as if they were alone? Also, what /would/ be a realistic reaction to this kind of torture?(3/?) Solitary confine cont: sorry for being such a bother. but i’m also not sure if this will be a factor in predicting symptoms in my character, but they would be forced to sit in one place and be unable to move anywhere else other than the desk they work at. They will still be fed and such; the food will come to them.(4/?) solitary confin cont: sorry i forgot to ask in the last one: would the character still be close to the twin after they got out? With or without the bond? Would further isolating themselves except from the people they used to be very close to before the confinement be a reasonable reaction to this experience? Would social isolation be a feasible reaction period? Would it still be possible for them to get better and heal? Would it be realistic for them to continue living instead of suicide?

-

OK so there are a lot of complicated and interrelated questions here. Given the story you’ve described I think the best thing I can do is start with the problems in the scenario as it is, then suggest some changes and then talk about long term effects for a survivable, altered scenario.

 What you’re describing is solitary confinement and you’re also describing other forms of torture. You’re underestimating the damage of both by a really large degree.

 And that’s not your fault. It’s hard to find good information on this stuff; that’s why I’m here.

 Honestly I think this would kill your character in under a year even if they didn’t attempt suicide.

 You’re not describing a stress position. But being forcibly confined to a chair 24/7 is a recipe for pressure sores. Combine that with whatever solution they have for basic excretion and- well even the best scenario I can think of (regularly changed adult diapers) would lead to serious infection.

 Combine that with the sleep deprivation being trapped in this position would cause and you have recurrent, serious infections that would probably lead to death.

 I haven’t factored in solitary confinement at all yet. The ‘safe’ period for solitary is about a week. Anything after that is prolonged. Ten years is incredibly extreme.

 And the research we have on solitary clearly indicates that the effects are even worse when the victims are children (which includes teenagers). It’s also worse when other tortures or elements of neglect are present.

 And I’ve only really mentioned one possible injury that a long term restraint torture like this could cause.

 I don’t want to go overboard hammering this home. We’re taught to underestimate the damage ‘clean’ tortures like solitary confinement and the restraint tortures you described do. You get the idea.

 You can read more about solitary confinement over here.

 You can read more about sleep deprivation here.

 First of all I really think you need to reduce your time frame by at least a factor of ten. Very few people survive ten years of sustained abuse.

 Yes it is possible. People in forced labour scenarios or slavery do sometimes survive this long. But your scenario is inflicting constant physical damage over that time period. A year in captivity is a much more reasonable time frame.

 If keeping the characters separated for ten years is important then you can still keep that separation while making sure the character is only tortured for a year or less.

 This character’s effectively enslaved and it sounds like a modern or sci fi setting.

 That often involves moving people across state or national boundaries and taking their documentation away. Establishing someone’s identity and getting replacement documents after they’re released can take a very long time. Especially if the country in question has policies that require paying for documentation.

 It can get even more complicated if there’s a language barrier in play.

 If slavery victims are rescued by police and are willing to testify that often requires staying in a particular area. If the survivors are in a witness protection program of some kind (not uncommon because a lot of these people are under threat from other slavers) then the survivors might not have much control over where they’re staying or for how long.

 If this is big enough that national security might be brought up then they might not even be allowed to contact anyone.

 Court cases involving slavers and gangs can easily take up several years.

 Add on top of this the severe symptoms that any torture survivors suffer from which can lead to people being institutionalised and you have a lot of reasons why these twins might not have been able to contact or see each other for ten years.

 This isn’t just more realistic, I think it would give you a stronger story as well. Because it gives the survivor twin things to do, allows them to develop as a separate person and you can use the things they choose to do to tell the audience about them.

 When your character’s alone in a strange place and they’ve just been through hell what they do next tells the audience a lot. You can show their beliefs, their personality, their goals or priorities. You can show whether any of those have changed as a result of abuse.

 Their core beliefs, the things they hold most dear, are unlikely to change. But torture can cause big changes in personality and perspective. The key thing to remember is that this change can’t be controlled. Torturers and slavers can’t ‘make’ a victim change in a way they want.

 You might want to have a look at this post here on the common stereotypes around survivors and torturers.

 Next I’d suggest you don’t describe the character as being constantly at a desk.

 The majority of the lethal problems that could cause would be reduced hugely if the character can move around relatively freely for an hour or so a day. Even if this time is while they’re asleep.

 I’d suggest a scenario where the character is removed to a cell for the night everyday and allowed between 6-8 hours rest every night.

 Keep in mind that 6 hours would still be sleep deprivation with all the short and long term effects that causes.

 The cell should be at least big enough for them to lie down comfortably, with appropriate bedding. They should also preferably have access to a bathroom with at least a toilet.

 This would still be solitary confinement. The definition is less then 1-2 hours of human contact daily (some academics and law systems use less then 1 hour some use less then 2).

 It has to be social contact. Being in the same room as someone who doesn’t respond doesn’t help and may actually make things worse. It doesn’t necessarily have to be based on verbal communication; based on what I’ve read it seems as though positive interaction would still help despite a language barrier.

 But a nebulous magical connection that only really says ‘your twin is still alive’ doesn’t sound like social contact. There’s no communication, non-verbal or otherwise. So I don’t think this would be a protective factor. I think it has the potential to have a negative effect actually, making symptoms worse.

 Because I think it sounds like it could be similar to being in a room with someone who refuses to socialise, constantly. And for someone in solitary confinement that’s a little like the equivalent of leaving a meal just out of reach of someone whose starving.

 I can’t say that definitely for obvious reasons. So I’d suggest assuming that at best it has no effect on the situation.

 The realistic reaction to the scenario I’ve suggested is lifelong mental illness and possibly physical disability as well.

 The majority of tortures produce the same symptoms. Not every survivor experiences every possible symptom but the possible symptoms are pretty consistent.

 Solitary confinement actually causes some unusual symptoms. So do starvation and sleep deprivation. I suspect this is because they’re all a systematic deprivation of something we need to function.

 You can find the possible symptoms of solitary confinement, along with a few statistical estimates on the likelihood of different symptoms, in the solitary confinement masterpost.

 If you’d like to know more about what those symptoms look like in practice there’s a source linked to in that masterpost by S Shalev which contains a lot of different accounts from survivors. I think you’d find it useful. It’s available for free online.

 We can’t predict who will be prone to what symptoms. Right now we just don’t know why individual survivors develop particular symptoms.

 So I suggest consciously picking the symptoms you want your character to come based on what you think will add to your story and character.

 If a symptom creates interesting problems in the narrative, increases tension in the plot or lets you show the audience something about the character, then it’s probably a good pick.

 I’d strongly suggest picking physical symptoms for solitary confinement as well as psychological ones. Most people don’t know it can cause physical symptoms and it’s important to include multiple aspects to capture the experience.

 Once again, I suggest you read the survivor accounts in Shalev’s Sourcebook. Personally I’ve found reading what survivors say to be the best source for understanding their lived experience.

 In this particular case after a year of restraint torture and limited opportunity for physical activity I think physical weakness, chronic pain in the legs and back, and possibly difficulty walking are all likely.

 I’m not sure how good the chance of physical recovery would be because I’m not a doctor. The survivors who report these sorts of injuries after extremely long periods in restraints are often denied medical treatment after release. And appropriate medical treatment could make a lot of difference.

 I suspect the chronic pain at least would last a long time. Possibly for the rest of the character��s life.

 It wouldn’t be unreasonable to have them using a cane or finding it difficult to walk long distances.

 Now I want to stress that recovery is possible.

 Torture survivors are not passive objects forever ‘broken’ by what they survived.

 They’re ill. They’re often disabled. But they do often go on to live full and happy lives.

 It’s a long process and it’s often about finding a way to live with mental illness.

 But it’s possible. Torture survivors go on to do all sorts of things. They’re artists, teachers, home makers, religious leaders, cooks, philosophers, scientists, historians. They do build fulfilling lives.

 If reconnecting with family and friends seems like it would be a part of that for your character, then yes that’s probably something you should include in the process.

 Would it be easy? No.

 Recovery is long and difficult. And people change when they’re apart from each other for long periods, especially if they’re still growing up.

 Family and friends of survivors often say they don’t recognise their loved ones any more. Especially if they’ve been held for a long period of time (ie months).

 That’s understandable. Mental illness changes people. It can feel like a survivor comes back as a ‘different person’.

 I think, for reasons that have nothing to do with solitary confinement, rebuilding the relationship would take a lot of time for these characters. Perfectly possible, but hard. There’d be a lot of miscommunications, arguments and problems along the way.

 Because suddenly having to navigate severe mental illness is hard. And because dealing with healthy people who don’t understand when you’re severely mentally ill/disabled is hard.

 Torture generally can result in social isolation in the long term. This isn’t always the survivor’s choice but yes, sometimes it can be.

 For some survivors their symptoms and triggers are such that they find avoiding people the ‘easier’ option.

 It’s not a good solution. In the long run it makes mental health problems worse. But it’s understandable. Society isn’t set up to accommodate people with mental illnesses and socialising can be very difficult.

 So, yes. Depending on the symptoms you pick for the character a certain amount of withdrawing would be normal. However this is not the same as some kind of voluntary solitary confinement.

 As for the final question-

 Whatever the torture and the time frame suicide is always possible. Depression and suicidal ideation are common symptoms.

 You’re proposing an impossibly extreme time frame. If the scenario was ‘just’ solitary confinement I’d say suicide was incredibly likely.

 Even with the shorter time frame I’ve suggested we’re talking about an extreme period of time. It’s over fifty times the safe period. Suicide attempts are incredibly likely and sometimes the difference between failed and completed suicide is just how attentive the guards are.

 I think that in a year of solitary confinement, forced labour and torture- Well it would be surprising if someone survived that and had never once felt suicidal.

 Acting on it is a different thing.

 I wouldn’t suggest a scenario unless I thought there was a decent chance, realistically, of a character surviving. And I do that while keeping in mind that suicide is a factor.

 I think if you want to write this in a way that means the character has never ever felt suicidal then a more reasonable time frame is 1-3 months solitary and the removal of every other torturous or neglectful element from the story.

 Even then, some people feel suicidal after a month in solitary confinement.

 The realism of suicide depends on more then what a character survives. Their options for professional help, medical attention they receive, community support and practical things like whether they can get a job that pays enough to feed themselves all make a difference. So do cultural attitudes to suicide and policies in place to prevent it.

 At the end of the day though, you’re the writer. You control these elements. And you can set every single one of them up in a way that makes suicide less likely.

 I hope that helps. :)

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