#yes...yes...

[nightscythe]

i am crawling on hand and foot, scratching at the door, mewling and whining and begging you to PLEASE WRITE THE MOURNIVAL KINK HEADCANON

sorry for making you wait ◡̈

i try to make these g/n but one implies you can lactate. wink.

nsfw 18+ of course!! a whole load of other astartes coming up soon. if you're not into it, don't read it, as usual.

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abbadon: dacryphilia. he never wanted to see you cry. he'd have done anything to protect you and keep you from harm, being so precious to him. yet, when you were lying beneath him, when his entire being consumed you, he couldn't help but enjoy the way you cried for him. he brings his thumb to your cheek, swiping away your tears that covered your pretty skin. it's okay, he'd tell you, worried at first he'd done something wrong. when you shake your head, beg him to carry on, to fuck you harder, to feel more of him, he'd feel himself twitch inside you. he had to make sure. you're crying because... of how good i make you feel? his ego would never recover. he'd make a silent competition with himself, knowing each time he had you, he wanted to see you cry, whimper, sob over him. he'd make it his goal to overwhelm you, make you feel so good it hurts. maybe he likes being praised in that way, knowing you really can't hold yourself back. either way, he thinks you're so pretty with your lashes wet, eyes glassy, and body exhausted - and he'd do just about anything to see it.

aximand: lactophilia. his fingers were twitching at his side. he hated himself for the thoughts he had. oh how badly he wanted to take your nipple into his mouth, have his warm lips wrap around the bud and suck. he hates it. but his hands still pawed at your waist as you approached him, his breath shuddering as offer your chest to him. he turns his head, yet steals another glance. hates it. he doesn't move as you lean into him, guide the back of his head down to your chest gently. you tell him it's okay, he can take what he wants. he still hates it. I can't... he'd tell you, his voice barely breaking a whisper. he tries to ignore the ache, tries to resist your temptation, but its all futile. just a taste, he'd tell you, latching onto your nipple, his hand on your back to hold you closer to him as his mouth caressed your full breast. he shouldn't want to have you riding his cock as he did this. he shouldn't want this all to himself. yet, as he presses his forehead against your chest for the shortest break, sinks his other hand into your hips to hold you steady as his groans, he still hates himself, but he'd never be able to live without this.

torgaddon: crurophilia. you'd been laying on your stomach, your legs fully bare. he'd never really been able to resist you, but he always found your legs incredibly beautiful. he'd run his fingers up your calves to your thighs, he'd press his lips the whole way up them too, he'd leave bruises across them, he'd sink his teeth into your soft flesh whenever he lost the smallest bit of attention. at first he'd turned you over, used his mouth to please you and pushed your thighs around his head, wanting to feel you tremble, wanting you to squeeze your thighs against him as you chase your high. feel your calf drag press against his back so you could have more of him in your most sensitive areas. but when he looked up to you, and caught your eyes, he'd stopped. i need to feel them, he'd tell you, unlacing your fingers from the bedsheets, kissing you roughly as he turned you back over. been thinking about doing this for a while, sweetheart. usually it was enough to have your legs around his waist or over his shoulders. wonder how it would feel to fuck those beautiful thighs, he'd say outloud, amused by how quickly you'd tense beneath him.

loken: authority. he strove to be better. to be the best even. it consumed him, sometimes, just as it was when he reached gently for you. i want... his hesitant words were so uncommon for someone in his position, but when you encouraged him to continue, he'd find the strength to admit his biggest secret to you. i need to be good for you. he wanted you to teach him to be everything you needed. he wanted you to hum in approval with everything you liked that he did, or deny him if he ever put a foot wrong. i'll do better next time, he'd promise you, his own mind going crazy over the thought of letting you down. his most favourite thing was when you told him no. he'd never beg you for more, he'd never demand what he wasn't rewarded with. he'd be patient, he'd sit with the desperate ache of having you tell him to be good, to wait. because it contradicted him so perfectly, didn't it? no one would ever know how desperate he was to have you say how well he did. that he needed to have you stroke his hair softly and let him lay his head on your chest. that a single word of praise could break him mentally and make you entirely his.

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

[mallalada]

the voice of the devil

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[fl3a-bag]

It’s their greatest invention as of yet

[bloodbending]

can’t believe tiktok is actually getting banned, twitter is infested with bots and brainworm-infested musk bootlickers, facebook is king of QAnon, instagram caught the plague from facebook and is dying a slow death in real time… and as the dust settles… only Miss Tumblr is left standing… failing upwards once again

[teaboot]

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[planefood]

When was the last time you ate something green and NO GREEN M&M'S DON'T COUNT

[irate-iguana]

Yesterday night, I asked my parents to remind me to return The Terror (2018) to the video rental store. This morning I woke up to two — momentarily confusing and concerning — text notifications:

[nutmargaret]

macarons

[yesornopolls]

do you think you could take a vampire?

[noodles-and-tea]

Last one from the archives

[pocketdogs]

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

[some-pers0n]

I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real music–" you are a pit of misery

[saddest-girl-in-the-whole-world]

I will NEVER not fuck with women using a traditionally masculine title. Tell me more about that girl that's also a prince.