#yet it’s still so peaceful with no Jess or Dean

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 14, "It Should Have Been Lorelai"

Oh thank god! There's a Breather episode before the next Shitshow Circus episode, Lost and Found, which I still don't know if I'll even bother watching. Sure this episode has Christopher in it but I can tolerate him and I can tolerate his shitty annoying relationship with Lorelai because it's utterly meaningless to me. Someone rescue me from the back half of Season 2, it's a fucking nightmare. I didn't finish A Tisket A Tasket, because my blood pressure rises with each and every passive aggressive comment that comes out of Lorelai Gilmore's mouth and I just could not take it anymore. So anyhow, dk how it ended exactly, but it looks like Lor and Ror have made up after their "Jess is Bad News" fight. Whee. Phones and doorbells seem to ring constantly in this episode so throughout today's insane rambling I'm going to make a game out of guessing who's butting in to the Gilly Girl's lives. Feel free to play along. Rory: Let's sit at the counter. Lorelai: Oooh, we could sit at opposite ends and play bagel hockey! Luke: Just sit at a table. Lorelai: You're awfully rude to someone who only has two paying customers. Are those two paying customers in the bathroom right now? They're not you and Rory that's for sure. #PayLukeForYourFood RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL: #1. The phone rings at the diner and someone is asking for Rory which is weird. Is it Jess or Christopher? LOL, that's silly, Jess lives there. I bet it's Christopher.

Oop, swing and a miss for TWWGG.

Having not seen the ending of the last episode ,I must assume Lane has been grounded for 25 years for Talking To A Boy. And I was correct.

Lane: It's the mother of all groundings. I'm being home schooled for two weeks. I only have 5 minutes a day to talk on the phone. She's done everything but slap a Dr.Dre ankle bracelet on me. I know who Dr. Dre is but that was a topical reference that whoosed right over my head and I had to Google it. #DeepCut Lane: Give me some news. Rory: Dean's been working extra hours to save up for a new motorcycle so I hardly see him. She wants to you to tell her something interesting, not give her the Butthead News and Weather Report. Count your blessings that you're in a Dean drought. It's all a girl could ever ask for. To not see Dean Forrester for weeks.

I'm placing money on them bringing back this Dean Rides a Motorcycle nonsense that they haven't mentioned in a literal forever only because Christopher is coming back to town and also rides a motorcycle and the two clowns are going to bond over it like they did over softball (Dean never plays softball again after Christopher left). Then it will be promptly forgotten about again, and Dean will be back to having the personality of an amorphous blob, just blobbing about with no real hobbies, interests or passions besides stacking cans of string beans for mininimum wage and yelling at Rory. I've seen this show several times, but when an episode is this unmemorable* I can just while away my time making predictions about what's going to happen.

*unmemorable=Little to No DALA (dean and lorelai affair) or Jess Involvement Rory segues from "Butthead has been working overtime for weeks” straight into "Mom and I haven't done laundry in weeks" and doesn't explain why, which makes it sound like Dean had been doing their laundry until he started working overtime. He probably pockets Lorelai's panties. Time for a Where's Jess break? Where's Jess? (I think this is one of those episodes where they just stick him on at the end wiping down counters or something. PLEASE let it be on those episodes. PLEASE let it be a Counter WIping episode. I need a fucking break). RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #2 (doorbell this time) I bet it's Dean Dean Stacks The Stringbeans.

YAY! It's just Rory's lover, looking like a lost puppy dog. Oh, so I forgot to mention Rory and Paris are going to be in a debate at school and participating on the same team. *inhales deeply* Smell that? That's the smell of sweet, sweet, low stakes, No-Boy filler plot. How I missed ye. Paris shows up at the Gilly Girls house to see Rory under the guise of "we need more preparation before the debate/you need to learn to speak faster" in the same way that Dean shows up to "Change Lorelai's water bottle" or "Do her laundry".

Out Of Context Gilly GIrls Time for An Ancient Technology break! (ATB) Paris: I was making CD recordings from the cassettes I made of our mock debates... Say no more Paris, say no more. *basks in the gentle glow of Early 2000's Technology references* RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #3 (phone rings for Lorelai) Definitely has to be Christopher this time.

*deep shudder* Everytime Christopher says "Lor" and Logan says "Ace" an angel stubs their toe.

HOW CONVENIENT.

I really wish she would, my girl needs a break. Anyway Crusty is in town on business and so Lorelai invites Crustypher to Rory's debate and he accepts and my sweet summer child RoryGil is excited that her dad will be there (or so he says...) RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #4. Prediction: Dean. Second Place Prediction:Lane Again Third Place Prediction: Jess (Why do I keep assuming Jess is going to call Rory? That's so silly).

Lane wants Rory to pick up a new CD for her when she couldn't get Amazon to overnight it to her and again I'm just floored whenever this show reminds me that Amazon was around in 2002. Describe The Fathers on Gilmore Girls in 6 Words or Less. Go. Lorelai: Do you see Christopher anywhere? Sookie: Uhhh.no.

Brad is me slogging through Season 2 torture.

This looks like something straight out of the opening credits of a corny sitcom. "...Special Guest, Christopher Hayden as Sperm Donor/ Buttclown #2" *sitcom music plays*

Oh, Sherrie. Another innocent lamb lost to the clutches of a Gilmore World Man. Let us pray.

Another snapshot of my Season 2 torture. No Lorelai! Stop! it's okay! Please! I don't need to hear how Dean is tall and pretty again! I GET IT! Waaah. Rory and Paris win the debate. Rory to Christopher in an innocent, chipper, cheerful chipmunk voice that belies the deep seated trauma of being a child with an absent father: Dad, you came to see me! I'm not used to that! Christopher, not so much as blinking at his child calling him a deadbeat dad to his face, while smiling goofily: This is Sherry!

.....?!

Lorelai invites Crusty and poor Sherrie back to their house, and Christopher seems excited to see the house his daughter lives in since he never visits.

Out of context Gilly Girls My dear readers, I hope you one day find someone who looks at you the way Paris looks at Rory. Paris is crushed when Rory tells her she has plans with her deadbeat father and she won't be able to hang out with her post-debate and compare WPMs, braid each others hair, practice kissing...

My dear readers, I hope you one day find your person, the special person like Paris, someone who feels a deep, crushing sorrow n their heart when you tell them you have other plans even though you'll see them at school again in less than 24 hours, causing them to lash out at you like they're fooling anybody with their Oh Whatever That's Just Fine'ing. Ror and Lor rush home and Lorelai says there is no food in the house again except leftover cheese & crackers and Halloween candy. Lorelai does not feed her child or do laundry. In addition to every character on this show needing the services of a competent therapist and accountant, The Hollow needs a visit from Child Protective Services. For pennies a day, you can sponsor a starving child, a poor innocent soul forced to subsist on crackers, candy, coffee and greasy diner food. Your donation will also go towards the purchase of laundry detergent for this smelly unwashed family. Jess’ mother never cooked either so I guess that’s another argument for Literati Soulmates! That special bond over shared Child Neglect!

Sherry showers Rory with compliments and invites her shopping, but then isolates Lorelai and says this...weirdness: Sherrie: I just want you to know you shouldn't feel like you have to get to know me. At all. Just because Christopher and I are close doesn't mean we need to be close, or friends, or anything for that matter. But i desperately want to get to know Rory. Ummm..the audacity to say something like that to the mother of your boyfriend's child 30 minutes after you meet her after she invited you into her home and offered you apple juice? And you "desperately" want to get know his child? This is shady. Sherrie: You know, if we didn't meet unexpectedly today, we'd probably never meet. Because your boyfriend never visits his daughter, right. Sherrie: Rory is so important to him. He is obsessive about his "call dates" to her! No matter where we are what we're doing he has to call her every Wednesday at 7pm! I like that about him! To be so blissfully ignorant and delusional and actually believe what Christopher says! Oh honey. It's like she's got the soft outer shell of Rory but also hangs on to whatever bullshit spews forth from the piehole of an immature worthless manboy pissbaby like Lorelai does whenever Dean speaks. Sad that the best Rory can expect from Crusty is one "call date" per week and I absolutely don't believe even he's even doing that, Sherrie's been brainwashed, but hey! At least he's better than Jimmy Mariano. I guess? #BattleOfTheDeadbeats

Sherry after Crusty happily admits to her that he was (is) a deadbeat dad:

First Rule of Gilmore World: Never trust a Gilmore World man when he says he's trying to change. Never ever. Lorelai says "he's been doing very well with it" just to placate Sherry when honestly she should be shoving this Sherrie woman out the door already and telling her to never come within 100 miles of her or her child again.

She goes on to say that she needs Rory for something very important, she needs her tonight, there is something so pressing and urgent that Rory needs to be excused from FND for this yet unknown Extremely Pressing Urgent Event and she needs her ALONE. This is verging into very concerning territory. Lorelai should be highly concerned. Lorelai, I am concerned that you don't seem more concerned and you agreed to let your teenage daughter go to an unknown place alone with this woman you just met. RINGING PHONE/DOORBELL #5 This call is recieved at the Gilly Girl house while they're with Christopher and Sherry. Okay, I'm clueless for this one. I have to say Lane again, there's no one else. Emily? Dean just because he hasn't shown up to ruin this respectable Breather episode yet?

LOL! That was fun. I chuckled. Rory is going to this unknown thing with Sherrie which is a setup Christopher to go with Lorelai to FND by themselves. Okay, before I conclude part 1 of this commentary (which has already taken several hours and I still have 20 minutes left) I am DYING to see why this Sherrie wants to isolate Rory and I hope it's not gruesome. Rory Gil, we hardly knew ye.

RoryGIl's about to become the hostage here. Blink twice if you need help. My only guess for why Sherry needs to isolate Rory so badly, will be something about asking her for blessing to marry Crusty or something. I really don't know. Neither Lor nor Rory has asked Sherry or Christopher where Rory will be going. RING RING! #6 (as the Gily Girls are getting dressed for FND/ for Rory to be lead to a gruesome end by a child kidnapper) Well it has to be Crusty or Sherry this time. Who else? LANE AGAIN!!! LOL.

THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. I need the phone to ring a seventh time! Sherry and Christopher arrive and finally mention that Sherry will be taking Rory to a movie (then buttering her up with popcorn before she meets a gruesome fate at the hands of a child kidnapper). With Rory out the door, Christopher and Lorelai are alone and Crusty attemps to gastlight Lorelai, probably hoping it'll get him into her pants. L: Was Sherrie with you when I called you? Crusty: She's been with me the whole time. L: You gave me no indication she was with you. C: I must have. L: No, singular pronouns all the way. C: Now I don't remember what I said. L: I do. You said, "I'll be there." Just you. C: I guess I may have said that but I wasn't making a point of saying that. Okay, I am pulling my very, very, very rare and worthless Christopher Card because he just said something not enough people say to Lorelai and it delighted me.

Bahahahaha you're such a prick but it's so true! Lorelai is such a judgemental bitch! More people should say it to her face! Bahahaha! For this one fleeting moment in time you're not so Crusty after all. I'm out of space for screen shots but I MUST KNOW WHERE RORY WENT and I will not cease or yield until we get there. Lorelai attempts to gain some clarity from Crusty on why Sherrie was acting like a fucking weirdo to her in the kitchen. Lorelai: Oh good, you weren't trying to have me killed or anything. Crusty: I was just going over my People To Kill list and you weren't on it.

Ha...ha? Lorelai, I am once again concerned by your lack of concern over certain comments that are very concering, WHERE IS RORY!!! IS SHE OK?! Christopher has a lot of F U C K I N G A U D A C I T Y to try and guilt Lorelai into feeling bad that she didn't consider Christopher's role in Rorys life while she was dating Max, um I'm sorry which one of you is the deadbat here? I tried to write "Deadbeat" but dead-bat has certain charm as well. Crusty wonders why Max was able to get closer to Rory but he should be made to feel bad that he wants Sherry to spend time with her. Doofus, it could be because Rory LIVES with Lorelai and also Max was also her English teacher that she saw 5 days a week? And you're just a dead-bat. Every other male in Rory's life including Kirk and Paul Anka have been better father figures to Rory than you have. WHERE IS RORY!!! WHAT IS SHERRY DOING WITH HER? I'm skipping past Judgy and Doofus at a Looooong and surely pointless FND Dinner scene and going straight to the next scene with Rory.

I...uhhhhh...Um. Surely Lorelai will be very concerned over this very concerning statement which should concern her. SURELY, you can put aside your little quips for just a moment when your daughter tells you she just spent the evening with a touchy feely adult stranger. Right, Dog Sweater? RIGHT?

Ugh. In addition, Sherrie confided in Rory (still a total stranger to her and a child who she took out alone hours after meeting her) a concerning amount of details about her personal life, including the details of all of her past relationships. Sherry was acting way too weird to not have some kind of ulterior motive but Rory is just not being very helpful at all in regards to what it is yet, and I want to shake her I'm so frustrated. But my eyes are bleary and my hands are cramping up and I can't continue. In part 2, I'll unpack this highly disturbing conversation some more and hopefully get to the bottom of this Sherrie Weirdness.. Goo night!

[artyandink]

amoralism | fifteen

SUMMARY: You and Dean Winchester are the top agents from Major Crimes. You’re also assigned as partners on the same case- a crime syndicate is running loose and buying out most of downtown New York. He hates you cause you hate him. You hate him cause you think he got in his position with his daddy’s influence. But this case is personal to one of you more than the other- and you may be getting too personal for comfort.

TW: Dean’s the mole, childbirth, Lucifer being a little shit, angst

SERIES MASTERLIST

Song Inspo: Tattoo - Loreen

chiaroscurism

The air in the warehouse was thick with dust, the stagnant kind that settled over years of disuse. Your boots echoed with every step you took, the concrete floor rough beneath them as you walked deeper into the dimly lit space. It was cold, the chill biting through your coat, but you barely noticed. All your focus, all your energy, was consumed by one thing—one person.

Dean Winchester.

You hadn’t seen him since everything went sideways. The day he disappeared from the FBI, seemingly without a trace, no explanation, no goodbye. No answers. Just gone. It had been months, and in that time, you’d learned the ugly truth—the one you still couldn’t fully believe, the one that twisted your stomach and clawed at your chest every time you thought about it. Dean had betrayed the FBI. He’d betrayed you.

But you had him now. You had the proof, you had the intel, and you had him exactly where you needed him. It hadn’t been easy to track him down, to get the right people to feed him the information that would lead him here. But you had, and now you were standing in the middle of this forsaken warehouse, waiting for the man you’d trusted with your life.

A shadow shifted in the doorway, and there he was.

Dean stepped into the light like a ghost, the years you’d known him weighing heavily on his face, his body. He looked the same, yet entirely different. His leather jacket was more worn, his eyes harder, a shadow of something darker hanging over him. You could see it in the way he moved—like he wasn’t just Dean anymore, like something inside him had broken and reformed into something else. Something colder. Something lethal.

“Figured you’d be the one to show up,” Dean said, his voice low, rough. He stopped a few feet in front of you, hands casually tucked into his jacket pockets, like this was just another day. Like this was normal. “Always were the clever one.”

You swallowed hard, your heart thudding painfully in your chest. Every instinct told you to run, to turn around and leave before this confrontation went somewhere you couldn’t come back from. But you couldn’t. You needed answers.

A WEEK PRIOR:

The kitchen was alive with the familiar smells of roasting vegetables and sizzling chicken, the comforting warmth from the oven filling the space. You stood at the counter, chopping carrots while Sam darted around the kitchen with the awkwardness of a man who was both too big for the space and too eager to be helpful. Jess stood next to you, her swollen belly pressing against the edge of the countertop as she kneaded dough for bread, a serene smile on her face that could only come from a woman who was about to bring life into the world.

It was peaceful, domestic, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to soak in the warmth of it. It felt good to be here, in this house, with these people. Sam and Jess had been like family to you for only a week, but the easy camaraderie, the laughter over the clatter of pots and pans, was a welcome escape from the tension that had been gnawing at your insides since Dean disappeared.

But tonight wasn’t about Dean. It was about Sam and Jess, and the new baby they were so eagerly awaiting. Alfie, their three-year-old son, was upstairs, likely lost in a world of toy cars and action figures, his little voice occasionally drifting down from the second floor. It was perfect—almost too perfect.

“Can you believe it?” Jess asked, her voice light with excitement as she shaped the dough into a neat ball. “This little one is almost here.”

You smiled, nodding as you dumped the carrots into a bowl. “Feels like it’s been forever. You’re ready, right?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Sam interjected, pausing long enough to flash you a sheepish grin as he adjusted the oven temperature. His face was a mix of excitement and nerves, that underlying tension in his shoulders betraying how on-edge he really was. “I mean, we’ve done this once before, but…”

“But it’s never the same,” Jess finished for him, laughing softly. She placed a hand on her belly, rubbing it gently, her gaze far away for a moment. “This one’s been kicking like crazy, though. Probably wants out.”

“Any day now,” Sam added, trying to sound calm, though the way his eyes kept darting toward Jess’s stomach betrayed him.

You chuckled, shaking your head as you began slicing a loaf of bread. “You’re gonna do great. Alfie’s a sweet kid, and this one’s gonna be just as perfect. Plus, you’ve got a lot of help this time around.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, his voice tinged with a touch of unease. “Speaking of help, thanks again for coming over. I mean, with everything you’ve been dealing with, I know—"

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” you interrupted softly, offering him a reassuring smile. Sam didn’t need to know the weight you carried—the constant ache in your chest from everything you’d learned about Dean. This wasn’t the time or place for that. Tonight, you were just here to be a friend, to support them.

Jess laughed, shaking her head as she swatted at Sam with a flour-covered hand. “Stop stressing, Sam. We’ve got this. Besides, what could go wrong? We’re practically experts at this by now.”

The words barely left her mouth when it happened.

Jess’s face went suddenly rigid, her hands flying to her belly as a sharp gasp escaped her lips. The sound was so abrupt, so out of place, that it startled you, the knife in your hand clattering against the counter as you spun around to look at her.

“Jess?” Sam was at her side in an instant, his large hands hovering over her, unsure of what to do. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

For a second, Jess didn’t respond. Her eyes squeezed shut, her teeth biting down on her lip as she breathed through what was clearly an intense contraction. When her eyes finally fluttered open, there was no mistaking the look on her face—pure, undeniable panic.

“Oh… oh, crap,” she groaned, her voice tight with pain. “Sam, it’s time.”

“Time? Time for wha—oh my God,” Sam blurted, his face going pale as he realized what she meant. “Now? It’s happening now?”

Jess nodded, gripping the counter with white-knuckled fingers as another wave of pain hit her. “Yes, now. I told you the baby’s been kicking—oh, holy crap, Sam!”

You were already moving, the calm facade you’d worn earlier shattered by the sheer chaos that seemed to explode into the kitchen. You rushed to Jess’s side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to help steady her. “Okay, okay, it’s happening. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

Sam was already panicking, his massive frame moving awkwardly around the kitchen as he tried to figure out what to do first. “Uh, okay, okay. Hospital. Where’s the bag? Did we pack the—no, wait, we packed it. Where is it?”

“It’s by the door, Sam,” Jess hissed through gritted teeth, her voice thick with irritation and pain. “But we need to go now!”

The situation escalated quickly from controlled chaos to complete mayhem. Sam scrambled to find the car keys, while you helped Jess navigate the narrow hallway to the front door, her steps slow and labored. Her breaths were coming in short gasps now, her face pinched with pain, and for the first time, you felt a surge of panic rising in your chest.

“Sam, get the keys!” you yelled over your shoulder, trying to keep Jess calm as she gripped your arm.

“I’m trying!” Sam shouted back from the kitchen, the sound of drawers being yanked open and slammed shut filling the house.

Before you could yell at Sam again, a shrill voice pierced the air.

“Mommy?”

You turned to see Alfie standing at the top of the stairs, clutching a stuffed dinosaur in one hand, his face scrunched in confusion. His little voice trembled as he called down again, “Mommy, are you okay?”

Jess’s face softened for a split second, despite the pain she was clearly in, and she tried to offer her son a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, sweetie. Just… just go back to your room. Mommy and Daddy are going to the hospital.”

“Is the baby coming?” Alfie asked, his wide eyes darting between you and his parents.

“Yes, buddy, the baby’s coming,” Sam said, finally appearing in the hallway with the keys in hand, looking disheveled and frantic. “But you need to stay here, okay? Aunt… uh—your aunt’s going to stay with you until Grandma gets here.”

The lie slipped out of Sam’s mouth so easily, and you gave him a quick, understanding nod. Of course, no one had called Grandma yet. There hadn’t been time. You’d figure that out once Jess was safely in the car.

“Okay, Alfie,” you said, your voice gentle but firm as you crouched down to meet his eyes. “You stay right here, and I’ll come check on you in a minute, okay? We’re just going to get Mommy to the hospital.”

Alfie looked unsure but nodded slowly, clutching his dinosaur tighter. “Okay.”

Jess groaned again, clutching your arm as another contraction hit her, this one stronger than before. “We need to go now.”

Sam practically flew out the front door, the hospital bag slung over his shoulder as he ran for the car. You helped Jess out the door, every step slow and measured as she fought through the pain.

“Breathe, Jess, just breathe,” you reminded her, though it felt almost pointless to say. She was already doing everything she could just to keep it together.

Finally, you reached the car. Sam had the back door open, and between the two of you, you managed to ease Jess into the seat. She immediately curled in on herself, her hands pressed to her belly as she tried to find some relief. But there was no relief to be had—not with the baby coming this fast.

Sam jumped into the driver’s seat, fumbling with the keys before finally managing to get the engine started. You barely had time to slam the door shut before the car peeled out of the driveway, tires squealing against the pavement.

The ride to the hospital was anything but smooth. Sam, usually the calm, collected one, was a mess of nerves. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white, and every few seconds, he’d glance in the rearview mirror at Jess, his voice cracking as he asked, “You okay back there?”

“Do I look okay?” Jess snapped, her breath coming in sharp bursts as she fought through another contraction. Her face was flushed, her hair sticking to her forehead, and she was visibly trembling now.

You sat in the backseat beside her, one hand on her shoulder, the other gripping the seatbelt for dear life. “You’re doing great, Jess,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady, though your heart was pounding in your chest. “We’re almost there.”

The hospital was only fifteen minutes away, but every second felt like an eternity. Jess’s contractions were coming faster now, each one stronger than the last, and there was no mistaking the urgency in her voice when she spoke again.

“I don’t think we’re gonna make it.”

Sam’s eyes went wide in the rearview mirror, panic written all over his face. “What do you mean, we’re not gonna make it? We’re almost there—just hang on a little longer, okay?”

But Jess’s grip on your hand tightened, and you could see the fear in her eyes. “No, Sam. The baby’s coming now.”

For a brief, horrifying second, you thought she might be right—that this baby was about to make an appearance in the backseat of Sam’s car, whether you were ready or not. But then, through some miracle, the hospital came into view.

Sam screeched to a stop in front of the emergency entrance, leaping out of the car and yelling for help before you even had a chance to unbuckle your seatbelt. Nurses and doctors swarmed the car in seconds, and you barely had time to step aside before they were rushing Jess inside.

As you stood there, breathing hard, your hands trembling from the chaos of it all, you realized you were still holding the bag of carrots from the kitchen.

You dropped it.

The sterile scent of the hospital hit you the moment you walked through the double doors. It wasn’t unfamiliar to you—too many times you’d rushed into places like this on cases, running after answers, running after Dean. But today was different. Today, you were walking toward life, toward something good. And yet, the knot in your stomach wouldn’t loosen.

You hesitated by the nurses’ station, fidgeting with the strap of the baby-blue gift bag you’d brought, the pastel wrapping paper peeking out from the top. Your nerves hummed under your skin, not because you weren’t thrilled for Sam and Jess—you were—but because part of you had no idea how to feel anymore. The weight of Dean’s betrayal lingered like a shadow over everything, and no matter how hard you tried to shake it off, it clung to you.

You exhaled, forcing yourself to focus on the moment at hand. This wasn’t about Dean. Not today. Today was about Sam and Jess and their little girl.

Gathering your courage, you made your way toward Jess’s room, following the directions Sam had texted you earlier. The hallway felt endless, each step echoing in the hollow silence of the hospital wing. When you finally reached the door, you hesitated for a moment, your hand hovering over the handle.

Could you really do this? Be the supportive friend when your own world was unraveling? You’d spent so much time chasing Dean, drowning in the chaos of his decisions, that you didn’t know how to be anything else.

But Sam and Jess needed you right now. You could put on a smile for them, at least for a little while.

You knocked softly, pushing the door open a crack.

"Come in!" Jess's voice was soft but bright, tired yet filled with that unmistakable new-mom glow.

You stepped inside, and immediately the warmth of the room hit you—a stark contrast to the sterile halls outside. The fluorescent lights were dimmed, the room quiet except for the soft beeping of the monitors and the gentle hum of Jess's voice.

Sam was sitting beside the bed, his massive frame somehow dwarfed by the sight of the tiny bundle cradled in his arms. His face was softer than you’d seen in weeks, the stress lines eased as he gazed down at his newborn daughter. He looked peaceful, content, like the world outside didn’t exist right now.

"Hey," you greeted softly, closing the door behind you. The sight before you was enough to make the knot in your stomach loosen, even if just a little.

Jess beamed at you, looking tired but radiant, her hair a little disheveled from hours of labor but her eyes sparkling with joy. "You made it."

"Of course I did," you said, stepping closer, unable to keep the smile from spreading across your face. "I wouldn’t miss this for anything."

Sam looked up, his eyes meeting yours with a warmth that you hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. "We wanted you to be one of the first."

Your heart swelled at the words, and for a moment, you forgot about all the darkness you’d been carrying. It was just the three of you—four now—in this small, quiet world.

"Can I…?" You motioned toward the baby in Sam’s arms, unsure if it was too soon to ask. But before you could even finish the question, Sam was already standing, gently transferring the tiny bundle into your arms.

As soon as the baby girl was in your arms, the world outside the room seemed to disappear. She was so small, impossibly small, with delicate little features and a head full of soft brown hair. Her eyes were closed, her tiny mouth making little sucking motions in her sleep.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you gazed down at her, the weight of her settling against you like something sacred. The innocence, the purity—it was overwhelming, like this tiny little person had the power to heal all the cracks in your heart.

“She’s beautiful,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. It wasn’t a lie. She was perfect, a fragile little miracle in a world that had felt so broken to you lately.

“Thank you,” Jess said, her voice soft, but you could hear the pride in it. “Her name’s Claire. Claire Mary Winchester.”

You looked up, meeting Jess’s eyes, and you saw the meaning behind the name. “Mary,” you repeated, your throat tightening. Sam’s mother—Dean’s mother. You weren’t sure why, but it hit you harder than you expected. It was a name full of love, full of history, full of meaning.

Sam cleared his throat, a smile tugging at his lips as he leaned back against the hospital bed. “Jess and I talked about it a lot, and… well, there’s something we wanted to ask you.”

Your heart skipped a beat, your gaze darting between the two of them. “Ask me?”

Jess nodded, her hand resting on Sam’s arm. “We’ve been through a lot together, and you’ve always been there for us—for Sam, for me, for Alfie. And we know how much you’ve been carrying lately. How hard it’s been.”

You swallowed hard, trying to fight back the surge of emotion that threatened to spill over. They knew. Of course they knew. Sam had seen the toll it had taken on you, how Dean’s betrayal had fractured something inside you.

“But we also know how much you mean to us,” Sam continued, his voice steady and full of warmth. “And we wanted to give you something good, something to hold on to. Something that we trust you with completely.”

Jess smiled softly, her eyes bright as she added, “We want you to be Claire’s godmother.”

The words hit you like a wave, knocking the breath from your lungs. Your mind raced, struggling to process what they were offering you, what they were trusting you with. You blinked, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes as you looked down at Claire, still fast asleep in your arms, blissfully unaware of the storm of emotions swirling around her.

“Me?” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “You want me to be her godmother?”

Sam nodded, his expression serious but full of affection. “Dean trusted you. I trust you. And Jess…” He glanced at his wife, his love for her written in every line of his face. “She trusts you too.”

Jess reached out, her hand finding yours as you clutched Claire a little tighter. “We couldn’t think of anyone better,” she said gently. “You’re family to us. You always have been.”

For a moment, you couldn’t speak. The lump in your throat was too big, the emotions too overwhelming. All you could do was stare at them, at this family that had welcomed you into their lives, that had seen you at your worst and still wanted you to be a part of their world.

“I don’t know what to say,” you finally managed, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I… I don’t deserve this.”

Sam’s face softened, his eyes kind as he stepped closer. “You deserve more than you know,” he said quietly. “And you need this. You need something good right now. We all do.”

You looked back down at Claire, her tiny hand resting against your chest, her little fingers curling and uncurling in her sleep. She was so small, so fragile, and yet she was so full of life, full of promise.

The tears slipped free then, but you didn’t wipe them away. You just let them fall, let them cleanse you of some of the weight you’d been carrying for so long. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe this was exactly what you needed—a reminder that there was still good in the world, still love, still family.

“I’ll do it,” you whispered, your voice trembling but certain. “I’ll be her godmother.”

Jess let out a small, relieved laugh, her eyes shimmering with tears of her own. “Thank you,” she said softly. “It means the world to us.”

Sam smiled, reaching out to place a gentle hand on your shoulder. “You’re family,” he repeated, and the weight of those words wrapped around you like a warm blanket, comforting and steadying you in a way you hadn’t expected.

For the first time in what felt like forever, the ache in your chest eased just a little. The wound Dean had left wasn’t gone—it might never be—but here, in this room, with this tiny little baby in your arms and the people who had become your family surrounding you, the pain didn’t feel quite so unbearable.

You gazed down at Claire, your heart swelling with a love you hadn’t even known you were capable of. “I’ll protect her,” you promised, your voice barely more than a whisper. “I’ll always be there for her.”

Jess and Sam exchanged a look, their smiles soft, filled with gratitude and affection. They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t need to. The moment spoke for itself.

You stayed like that for a while longer, the three of you talking softly as Claire slept peacefully in your arms. Eventually, a nurse came in to check on Jess and the baby, and you reluctantly handed Claire back to her mother. But even as you left the room, the weight on your shoulders felt lighter than it had in weeks.

For the first time in what felt like forever, you had something good to hold on to.

And as you walked out of the hospital and into the crisp evening air, you knew—deep down—that maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay after all.

A FEW HOURS PRIOR:

The air inside the abandoned factory was thick with the mingling scents of rust and decay, the long-forgotten machinery casting twisted shadows in the dim light. It was the perfect place for a covert exchange—secluded, out of sight, and just the right amount of grim. Dean Winchester stood at the far end of the cavernous space, his eyes scanning the shadows, his muscles coiled with a tension that came from more than just the impending deal.

Lucifer, the crime boss who had woven his web of influence over the criminal underworld, was late. This wasn’t surprising—Lucifer was never punctual, always fashionably late, as if his time were more valuable than anyone else's.

Dean’s mind was elsewhere, though. Ever since the lead had come through, the stakes had shifted. Tonight wasn’t just about the drop—it was about you. The fact that you were part of this world again, that you were closing in on him, made every moment fraught with a personal edge.

Footsteps echoed through the factory, drawing Dean’s attention. He turned to see Lucifer sauntering in, a smirk dancing on his lips. The man was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit, his appearance in stark contrast to the grim surroundings. His eyes gleamed with mischief as he approached, and there was something almost theatrical in the way he carried himself.

“Dean, my boy,” Lucifer greeted, his voice dripping with sarcasm and a mocking tone. “How’s the night treating you?”

Dean’s gaze was steely, but he didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Cut the crap, Lucifer. Let’s get this done.”

Lucifer chuckled, a sound that was equal parts charming and unsettling. “Always straight to the point with you, isn’t it? No room for a little small talk, no time for pleasantries?”

Dean didn’t respond, his silence urging Lucifer to get to the matter at hand. But Lucifer was nothing if not theatrical, and he had a penchant for dragging things out.

“So,” Lucifer continued, strolling around the space with a casual grace. “I heard a little rumor. Apparently, you’ve been rather… preoccupied with someone from your past. A certain someone who used to be quite close to you.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at?”

Lucifer’s grin widened. “Oh, come now. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I hear she’s been causing quite the stir. They say she’s got a knack for showing up just when you least want her to.”

Dean’s jaw tightened. “I don’t have time for your games.”

“Games?” Lucifer’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “I’m just trying to understand how someone like you, so deeply entrenched in this lovely little crime syndicate of ours, deals with old flames. Especially when those flames seem to have a tendency to make everything complicated.”

The way Lucifer said “complicated” was loaded, as if the word itself was a taunt. Dean’s hand twitched at his side, a sign of his growing frustration.

“You’re not exactly known for your subtlety, Lucifer,” Dean said tersely. “If you’ve got something to say, spit it out.”

Lucifer leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, though the amusement in his tone was still palpable. “Oh, I’m just curious. I’ve heard tales about your little escapades. The kind of stories that make one’s eyebrows raise in surprise. And I’m wondering—will your little lady be a problem tonight?”

Dean’s eyes flashed with anger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lucifer’s grin grew even more malicious. “Really? I thought we were friends, Dean. Surely you remember the stories? The way you used to get all tangled up with her, the way she had you wrapped around her little finger.”

Dean’s fists clenched. “What the hell are you playing at?”

Lucifer’s eyes gleamed with mischief as he started to pace, his movements fluid and deliberate. “Oh, come on, Dean. Don’t be coy. Everyone talks, you know. And the things they say about you and her… let’s just say they paint quite the picture.”

He stopped, facing Dean with an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression. “I mean, really. What was it like? All those nights spent together, her body pressed against yours, the way you used to whisper those sweet nothings in her ear. Did you have any idea what you were getting into?”

Dean’s face was a mask of frustration and fury. “Enough.”

Lucifer’s laughter was light and mocking, a sound that grated on Dean’s nerves. “I’m just trying to picture it. What was it like to have her so close, to feel her against you, to know that in those moments, she was yours and yours alone?”

Dean’s mind was reeling, the memories of you crashing over him in a wave. He could see you lying beside him, could hear your laughter, your whispered words of affection. The warmth of your body, the softness of your touch—things he hadn’t thought about in weeks, things that now felt like a sharp pain in his chest.

Lucifer continued, oblivious to the storm raging within Dean. “Did she drive you wild? Was it the kind of passion that had you both wrapped up in each other, unable to think of anything else? Or was it more than that? Was it… meaningful? Did you think it was going to last forever?”

The taunting was relentless, and Dean’s anger flared. “This is a waste of time. Either we do this deal or we don’t.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed, his expression shifting from amusement to something more calculating. “I’m just trying to figure out how much of a threat she’ll be to me. She’s got a habit of showing up at the worst possible moments, doesn’t she? And you—well, you’ve never been particularly good at keeping your personal life separate from your professional one.”

Dean’s temper was barely in check. “I said, enough. If you’re done playing games, let’s get on with it.”

Lucifer’s gaze was cold, but there was still a trace of the earlier mockery in his voice. “Fine, fine. I just wanted to have a little fun. But remember this, Dean—your past has a way of catching up with you. And if she’s going to be a problem, you might want to deal with it sooner rather than later.”

Dean’s jaw clenched. “You think you know everything, don’t you?”

Lucifer shrugged, the motion nonchalant. “I know enough. And I know that you’re not exactly the best at handling things when they get personal. But that’s your problem, not mine.”

Dean was about to snap back when a low rumble echoed through the factory—the unmistakable sound of a truck approaching. Both men fell silent, the tension in the air crackling as the vehicle came to a stop outside.

Lucifer straightened, his demeanor shifting from playful to professional. “Well, it looks like our little meeting is about to get underway.”

Dean’s eyes followed the movement, his mind still reeling from the taunts and insinuations. He had a job to do, and he couldn’t afford to let Lucifer’s games get in the way.

As the vehicle’s doors creaked open and the first figures began to emerge, Dean took a deep breath, focusing on the task at hand. But the echoes of Lucifer’s words lingered, a painful reminder of what had once been, and what could never be again.

Lucifer clapped Dean on the shoulder with a grin that was both mocking and somehow sympathetic. “Let’s see how this all plays out. And remember, Dean—things are never as simple as they seem. Especially when old flames are involved.”

With that, Lucifer turned and walked toward the incoming figures, leaving Dean standing alone in the shadows, the weight of the past pressing heavily on him as the present loomed ever closer.

You lay on the couch, eyes half-closed, the soft hum of the ceiling fan filling the quiet of your apartment. Outside, the rain tapped gently against the window, a steady, rhythmic sound that pulled at the edges of your memory. The day had been long—too long—and you’d come home exhausted, your body aching with the kind of weariness that had nothing to do with physical exertion.

As your head sunk deeper into the pillows, you let your mind wander, let it slip away from the present and into the past—a time when things were simpler.

It was late at night, and you and Dean were lying in bed together, limbs tangled beneath the heavy comforter. The room was dim, only the faint glow of the bedside lamp illuminating the space. Dean was on his back, one arm draped casually around your shoulders, his other hand resting on his stomach. You could hear the steady rhythm of his breathing, feel the rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek.

“You know,” Dean had said, his voice low and a little rough with exhaustion, “we should just stay here. Screw the rest of the world.”

You’d chuckled softly, your fingers tracing lazy circles on his chest. “You’d get bored after a day.”

“Maybe.” His lips curved into that half-smile you loved so much. “But it’d be one hell of a day.”

You’d shifted then, tilting your head up to look at him. The soft light of the lamp cast shadows across his face, highlighting the sharp angles of his jaw, the curve of his mouth. He looked peaceful in that moment, the usual tension that clung to him like a second skin noticeably absent.

“Dean Winchester, homebody extraordinaire,” you teased, and he snorted, the sound warm and comforting in the stillness of the room.

“Hey, I can do domestic,” he argued, but there was no bite in his voice. Just the soft warmth of someone who, for once, didn’t have to be anywhere else.

You’d kissed him then, slow and easy, your lips barely brushing his. It wasn’t about passion, not that night. It was about comfort, about the quiet moments that you both clung to between the chaos. His hand slid up to the back of your neck, holding you there for a moment longer, and you could feel his breath mix with yours, the familiar scent of leather and soap grounding you.

Dean had pulled away just enough to meet your gaze, his green eyes dark and serious. “You’re the only thing that makes sense in all this crap, you know that?”

You hadn’t known how to respond to that—not in words, anyway. So you’d kissed him again, your heart swelling with something too big to name, too fragile to hold onto for long.

Those nights had been rare. Too rare. Dean was always running, always chasing something—whether it was a lead, a case, or the ghosts of his own past. But in those stolen moments, in the quiet spaces where it was just the two of you, he was yours. Entirely yours.

Now, in the quiet of your apartment, you could almost feel him again, the warmth of his body beside you, the steady cadence of his breath. You could hear the low rumble of his voice, the way he’d murmur something half-asleep, only for it to trail off into nothing.

You hadn’t realized how much you missed that until now.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you shifted on the couch, your hand unconsciously reaching for the empty space beside you. It wasn’t until your fingers brushed against the cool fabric of the cushions that the illusion shattered, the memory slipping away like water through your fingers.

Dean wasn’t here.

He hadn’t been here for a long time.

And he wasn’t coming back.

The knot in your chest tightened as the reality of it hit you all over again. Dean wasn’t just gone—he was lost to you. He’d made his choice, left the world you’d built behind for something darker, something dangerous. And no matter how many times you tried to understand it, no matter how many nights you spent going over it in your mind, the truth never settled right.

He had betrayed you. Betrayed everything you thought you knew about him.

But you still loved him.

A sharp, shrill ring broke the silence, yanking you out of the depths of your thoughts. You blinked, disoriented for a moment, your heart pounding in your chest as your phone vibrated on the coffee table beside you.

It took a second for your brain to catch up, to realize that the memory was gone, and you were back in your empty apartment. With a sigh, you reached for the phone, your fingers fumbling as you grabbed it off the table.

The screen lit up with a familiar name: Director Singer. Your stomach sank.

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, swiping to answer the call before it could go to voicemail. You weren’t in the mood for this—whatever it was.

“Yeah?” Your voice came out rougher than you intended, but you didn’t bother softening it.

“Where the hell are you?” Bobby Singer’s gruff voice snapped through the speaker, no preamble, no pleasantries.

You rubbed a hand over your face, trying to shake off the remnants of the daydream. “I’m at home. What’s going on?”

“We’ve got a situation,” Bobby said, his voice tense, and you could hear the faint sound of someone talking in the background—a clipped, official tone that told you he was still at headquarters. “Something big. We need all hands on deck.”

You closed your eyes, already dreading what was coming next. “What kind of situation?”

There was a pause, the sound of papers shuffling, and then Bobby’s voice came back, lower now, more serious. “It’s Dean.”

Your heart stopped.

For a moment, you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. The name hung in the air like a loaded gun, and everything inside you went cold.

“What?” you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath.

“We’ve got a lead on him,” Bobby continued, his voice steady but laced with something that made your blood run colder. “Intel says he’s gonna be at a drop tonight. Hell’s moving something big, and Dean’s gonna be there.”

You sat up, the exhaustion that had been weighing you down moments ago evaporating as adrenaline flooded your system. “Where?”

“An abandoned factory out by the docks,” Bobby said. “We’ve got a team assembling now, but I wanted to give you a heads-up. Figured you’d want to be there.”

Your mind was racing, a thousand thoughts crashing into each other. Dean. You’d been trying to track him for weeks, following every breadcrumb, every lead, but he was always a step ahead, always out of reach. And now, suddenly, there was a chance—an actual chance to confront him.

But what would you say? What could you say?

You swallowed hard, pushing down the flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm you. There was no time for that now. You had to focus.

“I’ll be there,” you said, your voice stronger than you felt.

Bobby let out a grunt, the kind that said he’d expected nothing less. “Good. We’re rolling out in an hour. Don’t be late.”

He hung up before you could respond, leaving you sitting in the quiet of your apartment, the weight of what was coming crashing down on you.

Dean.

You stood up, your legs unsteady as you paced the small space, your thoughts tumbling over each other in a frantic rush. What were you supposed to do when you saw him? What could you possibly say to the man who had once been everything to you—who had been your partner, your lover, your friend—and who now stood on the opposite side of everything you believed in?

Your chest tightened as the memory of his voice crept back into your mind, soft and warm in the darkness of your bed. The way he’d held you, the way he’d made you feel like, for just a little while, the world wasn’t such a terrible place.

But that was before.

Before everything had changed.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to calm down. You couldn’t afford to let emotions cloud your judgment. Not now. Not when everything was on the line.

You grabbed your jacket from the back of the couch, pulling it on as you headed for the door. Your mind was already shifting into work mode, cataloging the details, preparing for the operation ahead.

But no matter how hard you tried to push it away, the thought lingered in the back of your mind, heavy and impossible to ignore.

What if this was your last chance to bring him back?

What if this time, you didn’t just lose him—you lost yourself too?

NOW:

“How long?” Your voice came out stronger than you felt, but that was all you had now. Strength. Determination. The raw ache of betrayal that burned through your veins. “How long have you been with them?”

Dean’s lips twitched, but it wasn’t a smile. More like a grim acknowledgment. “What difference does it make?”

“It makes a difference to me,” you snapped, the words sharper than you intended, but there was no taking them back. “You just—disappeared. Left everything. Everyone. You left me.”

That last part slipped out before you could stop it, but it hung in the air between you, undeniable. A confession, maybe. Or a reminder of what once was.

Dean’s jaw tightened. He didn’t look away, didn’t flinch, but there was a flicker in his eyes—something that told you he wasn’t entirely gone. Not yet. “I had to leave,” he said, the words clipped, harsh. “Had to do what I had to do.”

“You didn’t have to do anything,” you shot back, your pulse pounding in your ears. “You made a choice. You chose them.”

Silence stretched between you, thick and suffocating. Dean’s gaze bored into you, intense and unreadable, and for a moment, you almost thought he’d walk away without another word. But he didn’t. He took a step closer, his presence like gravity, pulling you in even though you tried to resist.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Dean said, his voice quieter now, rougher. “Not one that would’ve kept you safe.”

That was the breaking point. The words felt like a slap, stinging and confusing all at once. You laughed, bitter and hollow, the sound bouncing off the walls of the empty warehouse. “Kept me safe? Don’t put this on me. Don’t you dare make this about me, Dean.”

But it was already about you. It had always been about you, and you both knew it.

You took a step forward, closing the distance between you until you were close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, close enough to see the tight line of his mouth, the haunted look in his eyes. “If you didn’t want me in your life, you could’ve just said so,” you whispered, the words trembling on the edge of a sob you refused to let out. “You could’ve told me I meant nothing, that I was just a partner, just another face in the crowd. I could’ve moved on.”

Dean’s face twisted in something like pain, and for the first time since he’d walked into the warehouse, his facade cracked. You saw it then—the guilt, the regret, the war he’d been fighting inside himself. But it wasn’t enough.

“Tell me,” you pleaded, your voice breaking despite your best efforts to hold it together. “Just tell me you don’t love me, Dean. Tell me I never mattered to you. Tell me so I can walk away.”

For a moment, Dean didn’t move. He just stood there, staring at you like you were asking him for something impossible, something he couldn’t give. His hand twitched at his side, and you thought maybe, just maybe, he’d do it. He’d tell you the lie you needed to hear so you could finally stop tearing yourself apart over him.

But he didn’t.

Instead, Dean’s hand shot out, grabbing your wrist, pulling you toward him with a force that took your breath away. His lips crashed against yours, desperate and rough, like he was trying to say everything he couldn’t put into words. You froze for a second, shocked by the suddenness of it, but then your body responded, melting into him, your hands clutching at his jacket like he was the only thing keeping you from falling apart.

It was a kiss filled with every unanswered question, every unspoken emotion, every broken promise. His lips were hot against yours, his stubble scraping your skin in a way that was almost painful, but you didn’t care. It felt like fire, like drowning, like something you couldn’t let go of even if you tried.

When he finally pulled back, you were both breathing hard, his forehead resting against yours as you tried to catch your breath, tried to make sense of what just happened. His hand still gripped your wrist, tight enough to leave bruises, but you didn’t pull away.

“Dean…” you whispered, your voice shaky, uncertain.

He didn’t let you finish. “Don’t,” he said, his voice hoarse, ragged. “Don’t say it. Don’t ask me to lie to you.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the sting of tears that you refused to let fall. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to get closure, supposed to get an answer that would let you move on. But all you got was more confusion, more pain.

Dean let go of your wrist, stepping back, and the distance felt like a physical blow. He shoved his hands into his pockets again, his expression hardening, that coldness slipping back into place like a mask.

“You need to stay away from me,” he said, the words sharp and final, like an order. “This is the last time, okay? Don’t come looking for me again.”

Your throat tightened, your heart screaming at you to say something, to stop him, to make him stay. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. You’d seen enough, heard enough. Dean Winchester was gone, and in his place stood a man who belonged to something dark, something you couldn’t save him from.

“Why?” you asked, the single word laced with all the sorrow and disbelief that had been building up inside you. “Why did it have to be this way?”

Dean’s jaw clenched, his gaze flicking to the floor for just a second before meeting yours again. “Because I’m not the man you think I am anymore,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “And I’m sure as hell not the man you deserve.”

You stared at him, waiting for something, anything, that would give you hope. But there was nothing. Just the cold, empty truth hanging between you, an impenetrable wall you couldn’t break through.

Dean took another step back, his shoulders tense, like he was fighting against everything inside him that wanted to stay. “Take care of yourself,” he muttered, his eyes flickering with something too brief to name. “And don’t follow me.”

Then, without another word, he turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing in the vast emptiness of the warehouse. You stood there, frozen, your heart pounding in your chest as the reality of it all sank in.

Dean Winchester—the man you loved, the man you thought you knew—was gone. Maybe he’d been gone long before you even realized it.

And all you had left was the cold, aching silence of the warehouse.

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[patheticbatman]

The 52nd Win A Commission story was Bridge to Terabithia, by Katherine Paterson! @pathetic-gamer was the winner. I adapted the 5th chapter, The Giant Killers. If you’d like to see my drawings in context with the chapter, please

Leslie liked to make up stories about the giants that threatened the peace of Terabithia, but they both knew that the real giant in their lives was Janice Avery. Of course, it wasn't only Jess and Leslie that she was after. She had two friends, Wilma Dean and Bobby Sue Henshaw, who were almost as big as she was, and the three of them would roam the playground, grabbing up hopscotch rocks, running through jump ropes, and laughing while second graders screamed. They would even stand outside the girls' room first thing every morning and make the little girls give them their milk money before they'd let them go to the bathroom.

May Belle, unfortunately, was a slow learner. Her daddy had brought her a package of Twinkies, and she was so proud that as soon as she got on the bus she forgot everything she knew and yelled to another first grader, "Guess what I got in my lunch today, Billy Jean?"

"What?"

"Twinkies!" she shouted so loud you could have heard her in the back seat even if you were deaf in both ears. Out of the corner of his eye, Jess thought he saw Janice Avery perk up.

When they sat down, May Belle was still screeching about her dadgum Twinkies over the roar of the motor. "My daddy brung 'um to me from Washington!"

Jess threw another look at the back seat. "You better shut up about those dang Twinkies," he said in her ear.

"You're just jealous 'cause Daddy didn't bring you none."

"OK." He shrugged across her head at Leslie to say l warned her, didn't I? and Leslie nodded back.

Neither of them was too surprised to see May Belle come screaming toward them at recess time.

"She stole my Twinkies!"

Jess sighed. "May Belle, didn't I tell you?"

"You gotta kill Janice Avery. Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!"

"Shhh," Leslie said, stroking May Belle's head, but May Belle didn't want comfort, she wanted revenge.

"You gotta beat her up into a million pieces!"

He'd sooner tangle with Mrs. Godzilla herself. "Fighting ain't gonna get back nothing, May Belle. Them Twinkies is well on the way to padding Janice Avery's bottom by now."

Leslie snickered, but May Belle was not to be distracted. "You're just yeller, Jesse Aarons. If you wasn't yeller, you'd beat somebody up if they took your little sister's Twinkies." She broke into a fresh round of sobbing.

Jess stiffened. He avoided Leslie's eyes. Lord, there was no escape. He'd have to fight the female gorilla now.

"Look, May Belle," Leslie was saying. "If less picks a fight with Janice Avery, you know perfectly well what will happen."

May Belle wiped her nose on the back of her hand. "She'll beat him up."

"Noooo. He'll get kicked out of school for fighting a girl. You know how Mr. Turner is about boys who pick on girls."

"She stole my Twinkies."

"I know she did, May Belle. And Jess and I are going to figure out a way to pay her back for it. Aren't we Jess?"

He nodded vigorously. Anything was better than promising to fight

Janice Avery.

"Whatcha gonna do?"

"I don't know yet. We'll have to plan it out very carefully, but I promise you, May Belle, we'll get her."

"Cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die?"

Leslie solemnly crossed her heart. May Belle turned expectantly to Jess, so he crossed his, too, trying hard not to feel like a fool, crossing his heart to a first grader in the middle of the playground.

May Belle sniffled loudly. "It ain't as good as seeing her beat to a million pieces."

"No," said Leslie, I'm sure it isn't, but with Mr. Turner running this school, it's the best we can do, right, Jess?"

"Right."

That afternoon, crouched in the stronghold of Terabithia, they held a council of war. How to get Janice Avery without ending up squashed or suspended - that was their problem.

"Maybe we could get her caught doing something." Leslie was trying out another idea after they had both rejected putting honey on her bus seat and glue in her hand lotion. "You know she smokes in the girls' room. If we could just get Mr. Turner to walk past while the smoke is pouring out-"

Jess shook his head hopelessly. "It wouldn't take her five minutes to find out who squawked." There was a moment of silence while they both considered what Janice Avery might do to anyone who reported her to the principal. "We gotta get her without her knowing who done it."

"Yeah." Leslie chewed away at a dried apricot. "You know what girls like Janice hate most?"

"What?"

"Being made a fool of."

Jess remembered how Janice had looked that day he'd made everyone laugh at her on the bus. Leslie was right. There was a crack in the old hippo hide. "Yeah." He nodded, beginning to smile. "Yeah. Do we get her about being fat?"

"How about," Leslie began slowly, "how about boys? Who's she stuck on?"

"Willard Hughes, I reckon. Every girl in the seventh grade slides to the ground when he walks by."

"Yeah." Leslie's eyes were shining. The plan came all in a rush. "We write her a note, you see, and pretend it's from Willard."

Jess was already getting a pencil from the can and yanking a piece of notebook paper out from under a rock. He handed them to Leslie.

"No, you write. My handwriting is too good for Willard Hughes."

He got set and waited.

"OK," she said. "Um. 'Dear Janice.' No. 'Dearest Janice.'"

Jess hesitated, doubtful.

"Believe me, Jess. She'll eat it up. OK. 'Dearest Janice.' Don't worry about punctuation or anything. We have to make it look as if Willard Hughes really wrote it. OK. 'Dearest Janice, Maybe you won't believe me, but I love you."'

"You think she'll. . . ?" he asked as he wrote it down.

"I told you, she'll eat it up. Girls like Janice Avery believe just what they want to in this kind of situation. OK, now. 'If you say you do not love me, it will break my heart. So please don't. If you love me as much as I love you, my darling - '"

"Hold it. I can't write that fast."

Leslie waited, and when he looked up, she continued in a moony voice, "'Meet me behind the school this afternoon after school. Do not worry about missing your bus. I want to walk home with you and talk about US' - put 'us' in capitals - 'my darling. Love

and kisses, Willard Hughes.'"

"Kisses?"

"Yeah, kisses. Put a little row of x's in there, too." She paused, looking over his shoulder while he finished."Oh, yes. Put 'P.S."'

He did.

"Um. 'Don't tell any - don't tell nobody. Let our love be a secret for only us two right now.'"

"Why'dcha put that in?"

"So she'll be sure to tell somebody, stupid." Leslie reread the note, nodding approval. "Good. You misspelled 'believe' and 'two."' She studied it a minute longer. "Gee, I'm pretty good at this."

"Sure. You probably had some big secret love down in Arlington."

"Jess Aarons, I'm going to kill you."

"Hey, girl, you kill the king of Terabithia, and you're in trouble."

"Regicide," she said proudly.

"Regi-what?"

"Did I ever tell you the story of Hamlet?"

He rolled over on his back. "Not yet," he said happily. Lord, he loved Leslie's stories. Someday, when he was good enough, he would ask her to write them in a book and let him do all the pictures.

"Well," she began, "there was once a prince of Denmark, named Hamlet."

In his head he drew the shadowy castle with the tortured prince pacing the parapets. How could you make a ghost come out of the fog? Crayons wouldn't do, of course, but with paints you could put one thin color on top of another so that you would begin to see a pale figure moving from deep inside the paper. He began to shiver. He knew he could do it if Leslie would let him use her paints.

The hardest part of the plan to get Janice Avery was to plant the note. They sneaked into the building the next morning before the first bell. Leslie went several yards ahead so that if they were caught, no one would think they were together. Mr. Turner was death on boys and girls he caught sneaking around the halls together. She got to the door of the seventh-grade classroom and peeked in. Then she signaled Jess to come ahead. The hairs prickled up his neck. Lord.

"How'll I find her desk?"

I thought you knew where she sat."

He shook his head. “I guess you'll have to look in every one until you find it. Hurry. I'll be lookout for you." She closed the door quietly and left him shuffling through each desk, trying to be careful not to make a mess, but his stupid hands were shaking so much he could hardly pull anything out to look for names.

Suddenly he heard Leslie's voice. "Oh, Mrs. Pierce, I've just been standing here waiting for you."

Lord. The seventh-grade teacher was right out there in the hall, heading for this room. He stood frozen. He couldn't hear what Mrs. Pierce was saying back to Leslie through the closed door.

"Yes, ma'am. There is a very interesting nest on the south end of the building, and since"- Leslie raised her voice even louder-"you know so much about science, I was hoping you could take a minute to look at it with me and tell me what built it."

There was the mumble of a reply.

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Pierce" - Leslie was practically screaming - It won't take but a minute, and it would mean so much to me!"

As soon as he heard their retreating footsteps, he flew around the remaining desks until, oh, joy, he found one with a composition book that had Janice Avery's name on it. He stuffed the note on top of everything else inside the desk and raced out of the room to the boys' room, where he hid in one of the stalls until the bell rang to go to homeroom.

At recess time Janice Avery was in a tight huddle with Wilma and Bobby Sue. Then, instead of teasing the little girls, the three of them wandered off arm in arm to watch the big boys' football. As the trio passed them, Jess could see Janice's face all pink and prideful. He rolled his eyes at Leslie, and she rolled hers back at him.

As the bus was about to pull out that afternoon, one of the seventh-grade boys, Billy Morris, yelled up to Mrs. Prentice that Janice Avery wasn't on the bus yet.

"It's OK, Miz Prentice," Wilma Dean called up. "She ain't riding this evening." Then in a loud whisper, "Reckon you all know that Janice has a heavy date with you

know who."

"Who?" asked Billy.

"Willard Hughes. He's so crazy about her he can't hardly stand it. He's even walking her all the way home."

"Yeah? Well the 304 just pulled out with Willard Hughes on the back seat. If he's got a big date, he don't seem to know much about it."

"You lie, Billy Morris!"

Billy yelled a cuss word, and the entire back seat plunged into a heated discussion as to whether Janice Avery and Willard Hughes were or were not in love and were or were not seeing each other secretly.

As Billy got off the bus, he hollered to Wilma, "You just better tell Janice that Willard is gonna be mad when he hears what she's spreading all over the school!"

Wilma's face was crimson as she screamed out the window, "OK, you dummy! You talk to Willard. You'll see. Just ask him about that letter! You'll see!"

"Poor old Janice Avery," Jess said as they sat in the castle later.

"Poor old Janice? She deserves everything she gets and then some!"

"I reckon." He sighed. "But, still - "

Leslie looked stricken. "You're not sorry we did it, are you?"

"No. I reckon we had to do it, but still - "

"Still what?"

He grinned. "Maybe I got this thing for Janice like you got this thing for killer whales."

She punched him in the shoulder. "Let's go out and find some giants or walking dead to fight. I'm sick of Janice Avery."

The next day Janice Avery stomped onto the bus, her eyes daring everyone in sight to say a word. Leslie nudged May Belle.

May Belle's eyes went wide. "Did'ya-?"

"Shhh. Yes."

May Belle turned completely around and stared at the back seat, then she turned back and poked less. "You made her that mad?"

Jess nodded, trying to move his head as little as possible as he did so.

"We wrote that letter," Leslie whispered. "But you mustn't tell anyone, or she'll kill us."

"I know," said May Belle, her eyes shining. "I know."

Bridge to Terabithia Explanation

Gosh, I don’t think I’ve written one of these in a year! In any case, that was Chapter Five of Katherine Paterson’s Bridge to Terabithia! I felt this chapter encapsulated the vibe for the majority of the book well, but here is a little context:

Note: Jess is short for the name Jesse (Jessie), which is common for boys.

Jess and May Belle live in western Virginia (NOT West Virginia). Jess is poor (which is normal in his town), and the only boy in a family of five children, two girls older and two younger. He is often belittled by his older sisters and finds his younger sisters too young and annoying. His dad has a long commute, as he works in the city to get more money, so Jess often feels like the only male in the house.

He loves art, but after too much time being teased about being around girly things so much, Jess tries very hard to be masculine. And in order to be the coolest boy in school, you have to be the fastest. So after training for a whole summer, Jess feels ready to claim the top spot. But that’s when Leslie burst into his life.

Like a storm, she left the world unrecognizable. But also like a storm, it was just what Jess needed. She beat everyone in the race, and after getting to know her, Jess and Leslie became best friends. She was unlike everything he’d ever known - a girl unafraid to get dirty, rich beyond his understanding, smart enough to trick teachers, and had an imagination that was so strong it revived his own. Together, they build a tree fort and make it their own country, as king and queen: Terabithia.

For the title picture; in order to get to Terabithia, the kids have to use a rope swing across a creek. If you read the book or watch the movie, you might get mad at me for including it - but the rope is such an important part of the story I felt weird avoiding it. So, into the title it went! I was having trouble thinking of a fun word art idea anyway.

I know Jess describes Janice as a female gorilla, but I saw the movie first, and it drew her as a troll. And since reading the Discworld series, where trolls are living boulders, when it came time to draw Janice and her cronies, it just felt right to draw them as stone for the second illustration.

One of the things I remember most from the movie were shots of the two kids walking down a dirt path. As such, I felt compelled to draw my versions doing so as well.

As for the fourth picture, I just had to include a picture of Terabithia itself! Out in the distance lay a whole world for their minds to wander, with dragons, thunderbirds and killer whales galore (That’s why I ultimately included this story in your book). They have mountains in western Virginia (the mountainous region that encompasses the setting is called Appalachia) but the Appalachian Mountains are incredibly old and thus not very pointy and tall. And Jess is of course looking up at Leslie like she hung the moon :). I was always a big fan of the interpretation that Jess has a crush on Leslie as well as his art teacher.

The last picture was just a comical image that I couldn’t get out of my head, Jess running out of the room with his soles flapping and the desk about to slam shut. Also, someone at my school carved into a lab table ‘EAT MORE POSSUM’ as a joke, so I just had to include that here too. It felt very Appalachian.

It isn’t really canon, but I always imagined Leslie as Korean-American since a classmate who WAS Korean-American dressed up as her for Halloween. My classmate did not have a haircut quite as short as Leslie in this adaptation, but its common among Korean and Korean diaspora kids of all genders until roughly middle school. Leslie is a bonafide tomboy, and in the movie, she has normal-American-girl length hair, which disappointed me once I read the book (for the record I do like her actress though.).

Jess is an Indigenous Mohawk kid. I go to school in West Virginia (not western Virginia), and know quite a few people who are Indigenous. Some might be telling tall tales, but others are very connected to that part of their family. A lot of them wish that being out and proud as an Indigenous person in casual society was more socially accepted. And a lot of them don’t look stereotypically Indigenous, ancestors having married outside their traditions over the years, and so doubly wish they had a way to express pride with their heritage in a recognizable fashion.

So I made Jess and May Belle Haudenosaunee, the people who lived in what is now Virginia in the 1700s. They were originally from the area now called New York state, but the Haudenosaunee traveled and fought far, so that some of their descendents live in western Virginia today. May Belle gets two simple braids, because they were easy to draw being tugged, and Jess got a ‘roach’ - which is what the mohawk hairstyle often worn by punk bands is based off of. Basically, all the hair on one’s head, except a strip in the middle, gets shaved. Unlike punk rock mohawks, roaches aren’t often made to stand up, but are kept short and generally lay flat.

Anyways, let me know if you read the book!

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 4403

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. May have future SMUT 18+!

Warnings: (SPS), Angst, Fluff (some)

----------------------------------------- Chapter 24 - Apple Pie

“It’s been a while,” Mari told her.

Maria looked around. She was at the lake again and, for a moment, confused as she turned around to look over at her. She’d completely forgotten that she had read the last line in the book or why she was back here.

“You had a question for me?” Mari asked her, seeing her confusion, “I’m guessing you found it, the necklace.” She couldn’t tell her that she had guided Dean to find the box with the file in it.

That brought the things from earlier in the day flooding back to her mind. Dean had completely distracted her, and she blushed a little, “Uh, yeah. My uncle, he wanted me to talk to you before I put it on. So, um, what is it, other than just a necklace?” she asked, sitting on the rock she usually did.

Mari joined her, and the two looked at each other, “It’s my necklace. I made it a long, long time ago, putting half of my grace into it. Kind of like a safe where people put money. I did that so I could hide easier. Dim my light, so to speak,” she explained.

She tilted her head a bit as Mari spoke, “So… it’s safe for me to wear?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mari chuckled a little, “Yes. It’s safe for you to wear. Just know, though, that once you put it on, you’ll absorb the grace that’s in it,” she warned.

“Is that bad?” Maria asked, now wondering if it was such a good idea.

Mari sighed but smiled softly as she looked at her daughter, “Bad, no, but…,” she paused momentarily, “... it could cause your powers to happen easier, faster than they are,” she warned.

“Oh, so it’s kind of like, wear it at my own risk, sort of thing?” she asked, and Mari nodded. Maria thought for a moment and looked down at the ground. So many things ran through her mind and she had no idea where even to start.

“I’m glad you and Dean are together,” Mari told her softly, a smile to match.

Maria blushed and looked up at her, slightly shocked,” How do you even know that?” she asked, somewhat worried how much she’d either seen or knew about.

Mari chuckled, “I told you. I looked through the timelines a long time ago. Don’t worry, though, I didn’t look at the intimate stuff.”

She sighed, relieved, and looked around the area, thinking, “So, what’s manipulating them, the boys?” she finally asked.

Mari sighed and looked out across the lake, “I’m not one hundred percent sure. I could only look so far in the timeline without risking being noticed. All I know is that whatever it is, it’s strong, and powerful,” she paused for a moment, “Your hunting days aren’t over yet, neither are the boys, and Jess isn’t safe yet either.”

Maria groaned a bit before she stood up to stretch a little. Then she looked out across the lake. There was that peaceful feeling again. She watched the small ripples in the water that the gentle breeze brought, “How do I save them?” she asked quietly.

Mari smiled a little, still not looking over at her, “You already are. When you let Sam and Jess help you and be there for you, then when you made amends with your Uncle. Letting John move in and helping him and Sam bridge the gap and let things go,” she explained softly. Then she looked over at her, adoration in her eyes, “The biggest one, though, was when you let Dean in, let him get close to you, let him love you.”

She felt goosebumps run down her body. Maria knew Dean liked her, a lot, but the thought of him loving her hadn’t even crossed her mind. Mari saw the wheels turning in her mind and let her piece the puzzle together on her own. Moments from the last week played through her mind as she stared off across the lake at nothing in particular. His kindness, his patience, and then there was the way he looked at her. She inhaled a shaky breath.

“You really have had him since apple pie,” Mari told her.

Maria looked down at her, furrowing her brow in confusion, “I still don’t know what that means,” she replied, frustrated.

Mari just smiled as she stood up and placed her first two fingers on Maria’s forehead, and the entire scene changed. They were standing beside each other on the far side of her uncle’s kitchen. Her father, uncle, and John were sitting at the kitchen table. She looked around the room, puzzled at the site, then saw herself, only she was younger, and Sam was by her. Then she saw Dean standing in the opening between the kitchen and living room.

“Who’s memory is this?” Maria asked her.

“Deans. Just watch,” she replied.

Maria focused her attention on Dean. He was sixteen, just standing there, staring at her and Sammy. The adults were talking, but the topic wasn’t important. He was watching her younger self interact with his brother. She saw what he did and almost felt what he was feeling. There was the light and how it danced over her features, the smell of the apple pies that her younger self turned to put on the counter. After she set them on the counter, there was a moment where he saw her almost as an angel with how the scene framed itself for him. Maria felt her heart pounding in her chest.

“Apple pie…” she whispered as a small smile formed, her expression soft.

“He loves you, you know. He has, for a long time,” Mari told her.

She saw it in his eyes in the memory, and she took a shaky breath before Mari returned them to the lake. She quickly sat down on the rock again, not trusting her legs to hold her upright. Mari sat down next to her and put her hand on her shoulder, smiling a bit, “Are you ready, to work on your powers?” she asked.

Maria took a deep, shaky breath, then let it out slowly, “Thank you, for showing me that. The last couple of weeks make more sense now,” she told her, needing a moment. She took several moments to come out of her thoughts before she looked over at Mari again, “What kind of powers do I have? I know you said I could do anything. I was just wondering if you could narrow it down a little, give me something to focus on,” she told her.

Mari smiled a little, “You can do all kinds of things. Flying, but it’s probably easier if you think of it as teleporting. You can create things out of thin air and take things out of existence. Heal not only yourself but also others and so much more,” she replied.

“Wow, that’s a lot,” she replied, a bit surprised, “Can I think it over? So much has happened, I just… I need some time.”

She smiled at Maria, “Then, it’s time to wake up,” she replied.

Her eyes opened to the room's darkness, “Cheater,” she mumbled under her breath as she stared at the ceiling. She felt Dean’s warmth against her and how his hold tightened a bit around her waist, causing her to smile a little. Maria looked up at him, setting her hand on his chest. He was still sound asleep and looked peaceful, “I love you too…” she whispered, almost inaudible, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat under her hand. The fear she had before was completely gone now, seeing what Mari had shown her. It had also allowed her to tear down the wall completely she’d put up to keep herself emotionally safe around him. A blanket of contentment washed over her as she snuggled up against him, nuzzling her head against his chest, under his chin. She felt him shift a little, getting more comfortable.

She lay there just taking in how it all felt, being in his arms, the warmth of his body, how he held her, how he was still sleeping peacefully, and then how she felt. Maria felt safe, and the more she thought about it, and let herself feel it, she felt loved. She drew invisible circles on his chest as she smiled softly. It was like she felt more at peace than she had in a long, long time before her mother had been killed.

Dean slowly opened his eyes. She was still there, in his arms, and he smiled a little. He slid his hand over her hip and to her back, breathing deeply, “Morning, sleepy head,” she told him softly.

“How long have you been awake?” he asked sleepily.

She shifted a little so she could look into his eyes, “A bit.”

He brought his hand up and gently moved some of her hair behind her ear as his eyes took in her appearance, “You seem fairly relaxed this morning,” he mused softly, gently caressing her cheek.

Maria smiled, a giddy schoolgirl sort of smile, “I am. I slept really well,” she replied.

“I’m sure you did,” he smirked.

“That’s not what I meant,” she giggled, remembering their night together, “No, I saw Zamariel last night in my dreams again. It went really well, and… I feel good this morning,” she explained.

“Oh,” he replied, his smile fading a little.

She realized how what she had said sounded and felt terrible instantly. “Dean, no, that’s not what I meant,” she said quickly, and then she just kissed him. 

Maria knew he wasn’t the best with words, so she just showed him. The kiss was gentle, intimate, and loving as she touched his cheek. He had felt like she had dismissed the night before, like it hadn’t meant that much, or her dream somehow meant more. But when she kissed him like she did, it all washed away, and he kissed her back, closing his eyes and pulling her close. It wasn’t heated, demanding, or needy. It was intimate, saying more than words either of them could speak. When the kiss broke between them, he leaned his forehead against hers, breathless but for a different reason.

She bit her lip as she looked into his eyes, “If I had known then… I would have gone to you when my dad passed. I wouldn’t have run and gone off on my own,” she told him quietly, yet softly, “Just know, I’ll never run like that again.”

His heart pounded, and he could only kiss her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her but let the kiss say what he couldn’t and knew she’d understand. Dean finally pulled back and smiled down at her, his hand still on her cheek. 

“You’re adorable,” she told him, smiling.

Dean blushed a little and was thankful the light was off, “So are you. We should probably get dressed, even if I could stay in bed with you all day,” he teased her playfully.

“Well, I can’t be quiet, and your room isn’t soundproof. That might be awkward later,” she giggled.

“How did I get so lucky?” he asked softly as he looked into her eyes.

She fought back another giggle, “You really should thank Jess for that one.”

“I’ll remember to do that,” he smirked.

Dean kissed her one more time before he finally got out of bed and turned on the light. It was only after eight, luckily. They both thought that it was later. She watched him as he dressed, admiring how his muscles moved, remembering the night before, and she bit her lip. He chuckled when he looked back over at her, then tossed the clothes she’d pulled out for after her shower the night before at her. She barely caught them before they hit her in the face. The energy between the two was playful and lighthearted. Both of them couldn’t stop smiling. 

She put on the sweatpants and t-shirt, leaving her hair a mess since her brush was in her room. They shared a few more kisses before they held hands and made their way to the kitchen for coffee, finding the others already awake and sitting around the table. 

“Don’t you two look adorable,” Sam teased them, causing Jess to chuckle a little.

“Thanks,” Maria said happily, still smiling as she went to grab her and Dean's cups.

He took them from her and poured them coffee before he handed one back to her. Bobby and John just looked at the two, raising an eyebrow. Bobby leaned back in his chair, wondering if he would ever get used to them being in a relationship, although he could see there was something special between them. John could see it, too. It reminded him of how he felt toward his deceased wife, Mary, and it brought joy to his heart to see both his sons experiencing that feeling. He thought neither of them would get it because they were raised as hunters. Dean and Maria sat down at the table, next to each other this time.

“So, did Mari say anything about that necklace?” Bobby asked her.

She looked over at him, “Yeah. She told me that it holds about half of her grace and that it’s safe for me to touch, but if I wear it, I’ll absorb her grace,” she explained.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Jess asked, slightly confused.

Maria looked over at her, “Grace is what celestial beings have. Technically, I have grace, but it goes beyond what angels have. It’s how the angels are connected to heaven and can use their powers. If their grace is stolen or they cut it out, they become human,” she explained.

“Sounds kinda painful,” Jess replied.

Maria looked down at the table, “From what I read in the book, it is.”

“So, what’s the drawback of you absorbing her grace?” Bobby asked, still worried about his niece.

“She said my powers might come out faster than they already are,” she replied, then sighed as she looked over at him. Dean set his hand on her back, gently rubbing circles with his thumb to comfort her.

Jess and Sam noticed their closeness and that she didn’t flinch or shy away from him. She gently squeezed his thigh, hopeful for the two. This time, though, John spoke up, “Will that put any of us in danger?” he asked her.

She looked over at him, “No,” she replied, then looked down at her coffee, smiling a little, “With how Zamariel explained it, everything I’ve done thus far has been helping. I couldn’t hurt any of you.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Sam chuckled.

Bobby sighed and almost didn’t ask, “How is she, Mari?” 

“She’s good. It’s been nice to get to know her. She offered to let me practice my powers in my dreams with her if I wanted to,” Maria replied, feeling a sense of happiness remembering the interactions with her.

That made Bobby smile a little. He remembered how kind she had been all those years ago and how she’d wished she could have been there while Maria grew up. Dean couldn’t help himself, seeing the softness in her expression. He moved his chair, so he was a little closer to her, wrapping his arm around her waist, to which she leaned into him. There was no denying how the two felt for each other.

“It’s about time,” Jess teased the two, making them smile like teenagers.

Dean looked over at Jess, “Oh, I was told it was you that I should thank. So, uh, thanks,” he told her, still smiling like he was the happiest man on the planet, then kissed Maria on the top of her head.

Maria giggled quietly, and Jess was a little confused for a moment. Then, a look of realization crept onto her face, making her smile again, “Anytime. Glad I could help,” she replied, giving Maria that look of, ‘We need to talk, and I want all the details.’

Sam and Jess had online classes. They’d both decided to continue college, even with all that was happening, and the others were proud of them. Bobby and John wanted to look into more of what the bunker held. It was like every time they looked around, they always found something new. Both were fascinated with the place. Dean only had plans of hanging out with Maria with whatever she was going to do, just wanting to be near her. She brought him a peace that he hadn’t felt in a long time, and it calmed his entire soul. 

There were no more awkward, angered moments between Sam and John. John had even been getting to know Jess, the woman who had stolen his youngest son’s heart. Bobby was enjoying the feeling of safety the bunker had given all of them and the feeling of family with them all living together. They’d helped him set up an area in the library so that he could still help other hunters with different cases that came up.

Maria was sitting on her bed, looking down at the necklace in the box, Dean behind her with his arms around her waist as he leaned against her headboard, “Still debating it?” he asked her, gently setting his chin over her shoulder.

“Yeah,” she sighed, “I just don’t know if I’m ready for things to happen… faster,” she replied.

“Well, whatever you decide, I’m here, okay? I’ll be there every step of the way. What are boyfriends for?” he replied with a smirk.

That made her smile. She took a deep breath and moved her hair out of the way before pulling the necklace out of the box. Dean leaned back a little, wanting to give her some space. He knew how dangerous that necklace was to him. Maria knew that once she had absorbed the grace, the pendant wouldn’t, or at least shouldn’t, hurt anyone. She reclasped the chain behind her neck and fixed her hair. Dean noticed the slight white/blue glow that emanated from the pendant before it dissipated after a couple of seconds.

“How do you feel?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

She hadn’t felt anything, “Like I did before I put it on,” she somewhat mumbled, looking down at the chain when she noticed the mild glow from the book on her nightstand, then groaned, “Uhg.”

He looked at her, a little confused, as she grabbed the book, barely noticing the glow before it disappeared. Dean watched her open the book and flip through it till she stopped at a chapter. He wished he could read Enochian or that she’d read it to him, but he didn’t want to interrupt her. For now, he just watched her. Her eyes moved back and forth as she scanned each line of the chapter, the occasional glow the pendant would give off, and even the slight change in her eyes, which got a light blue glow around her pupil. She flipped page after page as Dean held her, and when she set the book back down, he counted almost twenty pages. The pendant and her eyes had stopped glowing, and he tilted his head a bit, waiting for her to say something.

She slipped the necklace off, placed it on her night table, and sighed, “I, uh… it doesn’t have her grace in it anymore,” she told him quietly.

Dean leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, “Your eyes glowed,” he told her, having found it making her more alluring when it happened.

Maria looked over at him, scrunching her face in mild confusion, “What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, uh… they glowed a little, light blue around your pupil,” he told her, smiling a little.

“Weird,” she mumbled.

He pulled her close to him, and she laid her head against his shoulder, her back against his chest, “You uh… it was… beautiful…” he told her, a bit shyly.

She couldn’t help the smile his words brought, “I’ll see if I can do that more often then, if it makes you stutter like that,” she teased him a bit.

Maria felt the chuckle rumble in his chest, “Don’t get used to it,” he bantered back before he kissed her on the cheek, “You feel any different?”

“Not really. I mean, I still feel like me,” she replied, then sighed, “I wonder if this place has a safe place I could practice my powers so I don’t have to do it in my dreams or accidentally mess something up in the bunker.”

Dean thought for a moment. They’d only explored so much of the bunker, and there were several levels to the place, “You could start with something small, like you did with the dime, at least until we can find a place,” he suggested.

She thought for a moment, but again, her mind went blank, “I hate it when that happens,” she grumbled.

“When what happens?” he asked her, furrowing his brow in mild confusion.

“When my mind goes blank,” she replied.

He chuckled a little, finding her adorable, “Well, what did that, uh, angel lady say you could do?” he asked her, feeling a bit bad for forgetting her name, again.

“Zamariel said I could do anything I wanted to, like, literally anything,” she told him.

That made Dean think, “I could always go for an apple pie,” he mused with a slight smirk.

She rolled her eyes a little, finding him adorable, and the memory Zamariel had shown her flooded back through her mind, making her smile, “Apple pie, huh?” Maria thought for a moment about the pie she’d made that day. Exhale before you pull the trigger, she thought to herself. Exhaling slowly, she pictured one on the bed in front of them, and it appeared, out of thin air, hot and steamy as though it had just come out of the oven.

“HOLY SHIT!” Dean exclaimed, utterly surprised.

Maria wasn’t quite sure what to think, seeing it sitting on the bed in front of them. She sat forward and looked at it for a moment. Before she could react, though, Dean stuck his finger in it, then into his mouth.

“Mmmm…” he hummed, closing his eyes, savoring the flavor momentarily, “I need a fork.”

She found him adorable and chuckled as he got up and quickly headed out of her room like a little kid. Maria figured it was for a fork and shook her head in amusement. She could have created one for him. He was back in her room quickly, plopping down across from her and sitting cross-legged, digging into the pie faster than she thought he’d be. She giggled, watching him bounce a little as he made happy sounds while he ate.

“This is amazing,” he told her with a mouthful of pie, making her giggle again, music to his ears.

Maria wanted to tell him she knew, but she could only smile softly as she watched him, “I’m glad you like it.”

All four of the others had seen Dean run into the kitchen and then run back down the hall, not even having a chance to figure out what he had grabbed. Sam and Jess were in the library, doing their schooling online, while Bobby and John had been doing their own research. Now, though, all of them were standing in her doorway to see what the reason for how Dean had acted was. They looked somewhat puzzled, seeing him sit on her bed, eating a pie they knew no one had cooked.

“Everything okay in here?” John asked, pushing the door open the rest of the way as Maria looked up at him.

“Uh, yeah. We’re good,” Maria replied, somewhat confused about why they were standing there. They glanced from her to Dean and then back to her with questioning expressions. “Oh, that’s well, it’s just pie,” she told them, unsure how to explain it.

“We figured that. Where’d it come from?” Bobby asked her.

“Oh, right. I uh… I was just practicing, and when my mind went blank, Dean suggested pie,” she replied, feeling a little shy as a blush crept into her cheeks.

Dean swallowed his bite, “It’s amazing too. I’d offer you guys some, but there’s not enough,” he told them, not even looking at them, then took another bite.

Maria sucked her lips between her teeth, attempting not to giggle at how adorable he was being. Sam raised an eyebrow, “Your powers huh? Did you get another breakthrough?”

“Kinda. Zamariel was somewhat helpful last night in my dream,” she explained, watching Dean out of the corner of her eye. She really loved this side of him. She loved all of him, but this was just too adorable for her not to watch.

Jess motioned discretely by pointing at herself and then at Maria, mouthing the words, “We need to talk,” to which Maria nodded a little, as discretely as possible. John spoke, though, “Don’t spoil him too much. Wouldn’t want him getting soft,” he partially joked.

Maria rolled her eyes a little, “I’ll try not to Uncle John,” she chuckled.

“Well, we’re all here for you, if you need anything,” Bobby told her, and he was proud of her and how she seemed to have healed emotionally.

The four of them headed back to what they’d been doing. Maria and Dean spent the day together, laughing, talking, and getting to know each other on a more personal level. She also practiced some of her powers. He really liked how she could create things out of thin air, giving her all sorts of fun yet weird ideas, most of them causing the two to laugh more.

That night, she and Jess talked. Maria shared with her all that had happened between her and Dean. Jess was so happy for her and hugged her tightly. She planned on telling Sam that evening, which Maria had said was okay. They didn’t know that Dean had his own conversation with his brother, too overjoyed not to act like a happy teenager. Sam was also delighted for the two. That was when Sam spilled the beans about wanting to propose to Jess. He just hadn’t found the ring that said “I love you” or that felt right.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 25

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[spnfemslashbang]

2023 Masterpost

And that’s a wrap! All the thanks to the wonderful writers, artists, betas and readers who participated in the Bang this year!

We had eleven teams make it to the finish line this year, so if you haven’t gotten a chance yet, check them out under the cut below. You can also find the fics in the AO3 Collection.

1. The Reaper’s Apprentice by @butterflyslinky with art by @ephemerastardust (Jessica Moore/Bille, E) Jess is dead, but instead of Heaven, she's offered the opportunity to become one of Death's Brides--a Reaper. With Billie as her guide, she sees the afterlife, and the peace death can bring.

2. The Sunken Garden by MBQ with art by @sunshine-zenith (Anna Milton/Mary Winchester, E) It’s 2023, Mary Winchester tries to solve a case despite her sons’ meddling and ends up partnering with someone she could never tell Dean about, with a monster no one wants to meet.

3. Midnight Blossoms by @bleuzombie and tea_or_die, with art by @burdenedwithpointlesspurpose (Billie/Tessa, E) Finally feeling comfortable in her own body, and confident enough to pursue a relationship, coroner Tessa finds the push she needs to finally meet with her online girlfriend when youth lands on her table. Growing up hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst, she gets to find out what it's like when the best finally happens.

4. But You Dream of Some Epiphany by @pinoruno with art by @solstheim (Anna Milton/Mary Winchester, T) During the culminating fight of 5x13 “The Song Remains The Same,” Anna and Mary are suddenly thrust into the future; alone and afraid, watching scenes play out before them that neither is truly a part of, they begin to lean on each other as they attempt to return to their own time.

5. no such thing as a unique experience by @astralpenguin with art by @golby-moon (Claire Novak & Zooey Fremont, T) It doesn't take long for fifteen year old Claire Novak to figure out that the girl sat across from her is a runaway too. Turns out that's not all they have in common.

6. The Voice In My Earpiece Thinks You’re an Idiot by @kerryweaverlesbian with art by bakh-meliorism (Jo Harvelle/Bela Talbot, E) Bela's after the score of a lifetime, but she's got one problem; it's a  two person job. Good thing she met Jo, who wants it too. Too bad Jo  brings some problems of her own: first, she's got a secret, and a big  one. Second, she's a total amateur. And third, Bela might just be  falling a little bit in love with her. A Jo/Bela heist fic!

7. Adapt to Change by @sitruunavohveli with art by @deancodedcastielenby (Charlie Bradbury/Mary Winchester, E) When Charlie and Mary meet, one is scared to go back to hunting after a close call and the other is confused by the modern world she finds herself in. Despite their different skill sets and personalities, they enjoy each other’s company, and if Charlie also happens to find Mary incredibly attractive, she’s never going to mention it to Mary. And then Mary asks Charlie to join her on a hunting trip.

8. I’ll Still Feel the Pull of You by allthismusic with art by RapsCallion (Claire Novak/Kaia Nieves, E) After a fight about Claire’s dangerous lifestyle, Claire doesn’t think she’ll ever see Kaia again. But when the Winchesters tell her their plan to rescue Castiel from the Empty, and they tell her she’ll need someone to call her back from the void, she knows who she must ask. A road trip brings her to Kaia’s door, and the drive back brings them closer together. And when Claire goes into the Empty on a mission to find an angel, she knows that waiting for her back in the bunker is the one person she’ll do anything to find her way home to.

9. The Red Means I Love You by @father-salmon with art by @squirrelofcelestialintent (Claire Novak/Kaia Nieves, E) Claire is The Grigori, Idaho’s most unpredictable serial killer. Kaia is Dreamwalker, a whisper in the winds of those who know their game. One fueled by a need to cope with her father’s death, the other, revenge for those in the Teen Wilderness Industry, both end up drawn to each other at the oak tree Claire laid claim to. The killers, though wary of each other, begin to form a friendship with the promise of something more, but are careful to keep their identities secret. Still, it doesn’t stop them from forming an attachment. Navigating a new relationship along with the challenges put in their path, the two begin to help each other, especially after Claire receives a visit from her unknown uncle, Castiel, who is more like her than she thinks. Kaia has their sights set on Washington after they’re finished in Idaho, hell-bent that their revenge is paid in nightmares. As the new Thelma and Louise, they become a terrifying force to reckon with, only this time with a happy ending. **Please make sure you read the beginning notes and the disclaimers**

10. Misfortunes of Fealty by @kayliemalinza with art by @solstheim (Claire Novak/Meg Masters, Claire Novak/Emma Winchester, E) After the death of her father and her siring angel Castiel has declined to take her as a vessel, Claire flees her homeland. Overwhelmed with grief, she encounters multiple women who promise to help her avenge her father, to find new purpose, to come into her own power--but there's always a catch. Title is a reference to the 18th century erotic novel Justine wherein bad things Just Keep Happening to the virtuous heroine. Claire gets a much more hopeful ending. Also featuring Dean Winchester, in the background, who just wants his clothes back.

11. What Happens In Wichita... by @motherofdragonflies with art by @burdenedwithpointlesspurpose (Annie Hawkins/Mary Winchester, E) It’s 1982. Ronald Reagan is President, the Dodgers won the World Series and Mary Winchester is done with hunting. She’s a wife now, and a mom, living the apple pie life, just like she always wanted.When an old friend calls in a favor, Mary reluctantly takes the case. It’s a simple haunting that shouldn’t take more than a day. But to Mary’s surprise, she’s not the only hunter trying to gank the spirit. Eighteen year old Annie Hawkins is young and hungry to prove herself, and there’s something about her that draws Mary in. Over the course of the weekend Mary discovers that there is more to life than being a hunter or being a loving wife and mother. But you know what they say: what happens in Witchita…

[plus-size-reader]

What is and What Should Never Be pt.2

Dean Winchester x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2171 words

Warnings: none 

Summary: Dean having a fantasy land dinner party with ‘his’ wife and ‘his’ family

—————————————————————————————————

This was too much.

When you suggested that you two have his family over for some dinner, Dean knew better than to argue. After all, if he was trapped in this stepford nightmare, he might as well enjoy himself a little bit.

Though, now that it was happening, he wasn’t so sure about it.

His mother had just walked through the door, happily greeted by you in your best dress, all made up once again.

It was really weirding him out.

“Dean?” you hummed, looking at him with that bright smile on your face that he wasn’t lucky enough to see in real life.

There weren’t really occasions to do things like this in your world, especially not given that certain members of this dinner party weren’t even alive anymore. It was nice to experience it once, even if it wasn’t real.

...or at least, it should have been.

He was just finding it really difficult to let himself live in the fantasy for a little while.

“Dean, honey? Are you okay?” you questioned, repeating the same question you’d asked him earlier. Clearly, there was something going on with him that you weren’t sure how to deal with yet.

It was strange.

Normally, you could read Dean like an open book but today, you felt like you couldn’t even capture his attention for more than a couple seconds, let alone understand what he was thinking.

It was starting to bother you, and honestly, you weren’t the only one.

You shared a look across the room with Mary, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, and even with Sam, who hadn’t even seen his brother in several months.

If he knew that there was something wrong with his brother, it had to be serious.

“Yeah, I’m okay, just enjoying the company” he assured, well aware that you were surely worried about him but it wasn’t like he could just explain this whole thing to you.

You weren’t like you were where you came from. You wouldn’t understand a word he was talking about and you certainly wouldn’t take kindly to him trying to explain that his mom and Jess were dead.

Not now that they were sitting right in front of you.

“I know, it’s been way too long since we got together last” you grinned, looking between both Jess and Sam with a smile. You couldn’t wait for him to just pop the question already like he told you he was going to.

You were tired of being the only married one.

Maybe once they got some shared experience, Sam and Dean would actually have something to talk about when they got together like this, once a year.

“Speaking of, don’t let me forget to show you the absolutely darling breakfast nook Dean built me for our last anniversary” you gushed, taking his hand in your own to give it a small squeeze.

There it was again.

That look.

Dean hadn’t worked out if this was some kind of parallel universe or if he was in a drug induced coma yet, but whatever this place was, it had one thing he hadn’t seen in you since you were really young.

Peace.

You were so content, living in this nice house with a dog and a ring on your finger.

All his life, he never saw you as that kind of woman but getting a glimpse into it now, he wondered if being with him had kept you from the life you were really meant to live.

Though, to be entirely fair, hunting had kept him from the life he was meant to live too.

If he had it his way, Dean would have loved to give you this life. He would have given anything for his mom to have lived, and for the two of you to be in a place where you could just get married and plan for babies like he imagined normal people did.

...but it just wasn’t in the cards.

This wasn’t the life you lived, and it wasn’t the life you were ever going to live.

There was nothing he could do to change that now.

It was what it was.

Still, like he had to keep reminding himself, there was no reason not to enjoy it now. Until he could get out of here, there was no harm in just letting himself be here, living like this for a while.

It wouldn’t kill him, even if it felt wrong.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see it. I’ve heard so much about it already” Mary chattered back, the small talk sort of blending into the background as he enjoyed the company that surrounded him.

It didn’t really matter what little chit chat you two were getting into, or even what Sam’s big news was because it wasn’t going to make it into the real world.

He was just glad that he was here.

“I kept talking about it, and one day I came home from work and it was just there” you giggled, thinking back to the memory. He had this look on his face, this pride that you could still see, that just made you so happy.

He made you happy.

“John was the same way, believe me” she smiled, thinking about her own memories, things that she clearly had that he couldn’t have hoped to have. The John that he knew, that man didn’t exist here.

The father he had, the man he remembered, that wasn’t who she was married to. The hardened hunter that shot first and asked questions never, he wasn’t the kind of man who would give gifts or go out of his way for someone like that.

...but that wasn’t always the case.

Dean imagined that if the fire had never happened, perhaps John would have been the kind to set up a breakfast nook in the kitchen just because she asked.

To be fair, he didn’t think that he was either and clearly, that wasn’t the case.

If a Dean with no hunting was the woodworking, breakfast in the corner type, he supposed anything was possible.

“What are you looking at?” you muttered, poking Dean in the side. You were all talking, catching up, waiting for Sam to build up the courage to do what he was going to do but you could tell he still wasn’t paying attention.

All he was doing was staring at you.

“You know, I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life” he allowed, his words little more than a whisper to you, his breath fanning your face slightly due to the close contact.

It was far more romance than you were used to from Dean, but you were glad to have it nonetheless.

Whatever had gotten into him, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

“Did you hit your head? You’re really acting strange” you whispered back, a grin on your face as you looked at him.  

You could feel eyes on you from across the table as you focused more on your needy husband than any of the actual dinner guests you were hosting but ignored that for now.

After the day Dean’d had, you were sure he needed your attention a little bit more.

“I just love you is all, that’s it” he shrugged, pressing a small kiss to your cheek. This whole thing was making him really sentimental and if he was being honest, he missed you.

He missed you, his you, wherever you were but the closest thing to you right now was this strange, Brady Bunch version of you.

It was going to have to do.

Besides, even all turned up and weird, you were still you.

“I love you too, Now could you please try to focus?” you scoffed, poking him one more time in the side as a desperate attempt to get him to calm down. This wasn’t about the two of you right now.

There was a reason for this dinner party, after all, and it looked as if Sam was just about ready for what he’d been waiting on all this time.

He was finally going to propose to Jess.

~

The whole thing was lovely.

The proposal went off without a hitch, and Jess said yes, of course. All in all, it was absolutely beautiful and you couldn’t have been happier about it but something still felt off.

...about Dean.

You knew him better than you even knew yourself and something was definitely off. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you knew that you would know as soon as you heard it from him.

One thing was for sure, you were sure that you would know if something strange happened to him.

It wasn’t that.

Whatever it was that was bothering him, it was something else.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You aren’t acting like yourself” you sighed, curling up into bed beside him, and stretching your legs all the way out.

You were like a cat in that way, and that wasn’t unique to this version of you. That little stretch, the maneuver you just pulled, it was something he was very familiar with because you did it every night before bed.

It was how you finally got all your muscles to relax after so much stress and tension.

You had been trying to get the answer out of him all this time and no matter how many times you asked, or how many different ways, he just didn’t seem to want to tell you what it was that was on his mind.

“Honestly, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you'' Dean allowed, thinking about all the things that had happened since he woke up here this morning.

Almost nothing of his life before was the same.

Even if he was going to explain it to you, he wasn’t sure if it would make too much of a difference. There was no way in the world that you were actually going to believe him, even if he tried.

“Try me”

It was a simple request, of course, an order that should have made all the sense in the world but it didn’t.

You didn’t know what you were asking.

“Oh yeah? Okay. This morning, I woke up in bed next to you, my wife,” he started, ignoring the way his stomach tensed ever so slightly at those words. Dean had been itching to call you his wife since you’d met, and in this universe, he got to.

It was hard not to revel in that a little.

You nodded, letting him know that you were following, before he continued. You were well aware of how your morning had gone but you weren't about to interrupt him in the middle of his story.

It had taken him long enough to decide to tell it.

“The only trouble is that you aren’t my wife, not really. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to put that rock on your hand, but I didn't” he continued, losing you almost completely.

That wasn’t funny.

You were his wife, of course you were.

Dean knew that you were going to argue, because anyone in your position would, but he knew better than to let you interrupt quite yet. He wasn’t finished, and besides, you were the one who wanted to know.

You couldn’t back out now.

“I was attacked by a creature called a Djinn and somehow I ended up here, and it's perfect but it isn’t my life...it isn’t our life” he muttered, his words little more than a breath from his lungs by the time he’d finished.

He knew that it must have sucked to hear, and it was surely confusing for you but he had to say it.

He had to focus on reality.

You were out there somewhere, his Y/N, and he had to find a way to get to you. Staying here in a fantasy world wasn’t going to bring him back to you or gank this djinn.

There was silence between the two of you for a moment.

You had no idea what was going on, or why he was deciding to tell you this right now, but the worst part was that you believed him. Shining in the slight reflection of the moonlight on your bedroom wall, you could see the look on his face.

It was in his eyes.

He was telling you the truth.

“So, let me get this straight. We aren’t married, and none of this is real life?” you repeated, just trying to make sure that you were caught up enough to get the job done. It didn’t really make sense, but you couldn’t argue.

There was no point in something like that.

All Dean did was nod.

That was the basis of what was going on, and for whatever reason, you weren’t as bothered by that as you should have been.

“Alright, well, you’ve got to kill that thing then, don’t you?”

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[dailydestieldose]

Don’t think about Dean visiting Cas’ room after Cas had died, about him cradling the jar of ashes as he looks around. Don’t think about Dean going through Cas’ stuff, his old trench coats, his old books, everything neat on the bookcase. Except for one book, which was on Cas’ bedside table. It was open and spine down, which bitterweetly reminded Dean of all the times he had to remind Cas not to do that to important lore books. It’s spine was wrecked and it’s pages and edges were so worn that Dean knew it must have been a book so treasured that Cas went back to it again and again. Intrigued, Dean sat on the edge of Cas’ bed and gingerly picked it up. It was, “We Are The Ants,” by Shaun David Hutchinson, and as Dean picked it up his eyes were immediately drawn to a quote highlighted in marker: “I saw the world from the stars' point of view, and it looked unbearably lonely.” Dean’s felt his pulse creep into his throat and immediately knew how much of an intrusion this must be to Cas, to be going through such personal things. Or how much of an intrusion it WOULD HAVE been if Cas was alive. But Cas was dead. The interpretation of this quote, of why it mattered so much to Cas, didn’t matter anymore. Dean thought for a minute, trying to quell the rising, almost rabid, need to KNOW. To get closure. He decided that it didn’t matter, he was the one mourning, not Cas. He numbly flipped back to the first page and began reading, noticing all the highlighted parts as he went, all meaningful quotes that felt like Cas himself was reading them aloud to Dean:

How ugly we must look to them, spilling light into every dark corner to push back the shadows, blinding ourselves to the true beauty of emptiness.

I hate Jesse for leaving me behind. If he asked, I would have walked into the air with him.

Jesse believed stories were the collective memories of the world, recorded in books so that each of us could know who we were before we became who we are.

We're not words, Henry, we're people. Words are how others define us, but we can define ourselves any way we choose.

Dreams are hopeful because they exist as pure possibility.

Why me?” “Because I can be myself around you, even if I don’t know who I am yet.”

I could write my name across the sky, and it would be in invisible ink.

There's an amazing world out there for you to discover, Henry Denton, but you have to be willing to discover yourself first.

That's the problem with memories: you can visit them, but you can't live in them.

Dean didn’t realize that he was crying until the first few teardrops suddenly hit the page, smudging the ink and startling him. Dean came back into his body to find himself hunched over the book, fists clenched around where he was holding it, breathing harsh and heavy. For some reason, realizing he was crying made him cry harder and now sobs ripped through him, so violently that his chest hurt and acid crept up his throat. He grappled to get ahold of himself like a car over an ice patch, and he eventually calmed just enough to keep reading:

Maybe love doesn’t require falling after all. Maybe it only requires that you choose to be in it. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with us or how much time we had left, but I wasn’t going to waste a second of it.

This was how Diego saw me. I was Henry Denton and I was Space Boy. I was broken and I was beautiful. I was nothing and I was everything. I didn't matter to the universe, but I mattered to him.

Having choices is the problem. Everything would be easier if someone told me what to do: push the button, stop seeing Marcus, get over Jesse. The problem with choices is that I usually make the wrong ones

Memories are often amalgams of truth and fiction, sewn together in our heads by our subconscious to support our personal beliefs about the world

A star's light still shines even if there's no one to see it, but without someone to remember Jesse, his light will disappear.

Sometimes I think gravity may be death in disguise. Other times I think gravity is love, which is why love's only demand is that we fall.

The last quote had Dean biting his lip and folding in on himself, curling over the book as if it was Cas’ body, as if he could keep him safe that way. He couldn’t make himself stop crying now and realized that he never really made himself stop before. Cas didn’t have a clock in his room because he always knew the exact time, but it felt like Dean had been there for hours, just reading, clinging to what felt like the last scrap of Cas he had left. Dean neared the end of the book with growing panic because this was CAS, it looked like his most prized possession. These were his favorite quotes. This book helped make Cas CAS. Dean didn’t want to lose this last bit of him by finishing the book. His joy from earlier from finding the book was completely lost in his utter desperation to keep the feeling of being close to Cas, but still he read on, until there was nothing left. At the end of the book, Cas had written his own poem, carefully lettered on stationary paper and tucked between the last page and the author’s note. Dean was very careful to wipe his face and and hands before handling it, wary of getting any tears on it. With shaking hands he began to read it.

“This may not last. Branches shed their leaves to prepare for sleep. Snow banks melt in the sun eventually. Blossoms make their cameo in window boxes. Even birds are only here on holiday. But this moment with you. Being loved by you. This is the season I hope never ends.”

It had a time stamp of a few years ago, before Cas found his loyalty to Jack and left. Dean tried to think about what they were doing on this date, but he specifically remembered that they didn’t have a case that entire week and they didn’t really do anything. It suddenly dawned on Dean that Cas is talking about when Dean took him along on a fishing trop. It was genuinely an amazing day. There was still snow sprinkled along the grass tips in the meadow fields, casting sunshine onto them, and they walked along the forest path to a small Brooke to cast their lines, quietly chatting as they breathed in the crisp air, warm sunlight weaving through the trees to stream over them. Dean had a sneaking suspicion that Cas parted the clouds to make it a bit warmer for Dean, despite Dean turning Cas down when he offered his trench coat to Dean. Why didn’t Dean just take the damn coat? Dean would give anything to be back with Cas at that stream, to feel that peace with Cas again. And suddenly, the jar of ashes felt clunky and misplaced in his hands. It felt poetically cruel to keep Cas in yet another cage for the rest of his...well, death. But that’s okay. He knew exactly where to put them. Cas was right, he thought, the snow banks will be melted by now, but my love is the season that never ends.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls Season 1, Episode 21 ("Love, Daisies, And Troubadors"). Part 1

WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS EPISODE: We're on the last episode of Season 1! Luke "Fixes Lorelai's Porch Rail" and wakes the neighbors. Lorelai asks Luke to Pound One More Thing while he's out there. Lorelai has a dirty conversation at work with Max. Max watches Lorelai suck on a ring pop. Luke breaks in Lorelai's back door. Clara Forrester needs a foster home. Rory pours her heart out at a town meeting and everyone pity claps.

"Ms Gilmore, I'm here to fix your porch rail.* "Well, my porch rail does need a lot of screwing, hammering, nailing, and pounding Mr Danes." *porny music begins playing* (disclaimer: this conversation did not actually happen). "You're gonna wake the neighbors." (this was actually said)

STOP LOBBING ME SO MANY SOFTBALLS! If you keep making all the dirty jokes for me I'll be out of a job reviewing a 22 year old tv show to 3 people on a dying social media platform! Luke disappears as Rory shows up causing Lorelai to loudly exclaim "He was banging on something!" about 4 times. You wish.

Michel Wisdom: "I've made peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner and usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui." Max calls Lorelai at work and they have a converation insinuating some kind of roleplay situation recently took place and they also talk about having sex withdrawals. Remember the time Max called Lorelai at work and they had a conversation about removing each others pants? Poor Sookie, already suffering from ennui, and the rest of the kitchen staff have to hear Lorelai and Max talk about how someone should write a novel about their Sex. Does she know about Archive of Our Own? Does she know that in the future a number of people will have written novels about her Sex with Luke? But not ol Max Medina.

Oh no, Rory found the DeanBox that she told Lorelai to throw away. Of course Lorelai didn't throw it out. Let's be real. Who's the one who really wants to hang on to pieces of Dean here? Lorelai explains that Rory "Is gonna want some of that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and you can look back and say "I certainly had an interesting life!" I'm sensing a theme here, which is that Dean's lot in life is to make Rory's life more interesting for her mother. Sure, Rory is going to want to keep her Dean box until she is old and married. Girls always keep boxes of their high school boyfriend's random shit for decades. "You can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes." I DON'T CARE THAT HE'S STILL 5 EPISODES AWAY, WHERE IS THE JESS BOX?! What was in the ChristopherBox? The box of expired condoms that led to Rory? I KID. I KID. Contents of the DeanBox Full Of Garbage Pointless Crap were as follows: Idk what the first thing was supposed to be-a dress? A stuffed chicken. Box of corn starch. Quarter on a string ("medallion"). OH WHAT PRECIOUS MEMORIES!

I love the Caboodles case in the background. When you're all grown up and married to your StepCousin Jess and open up your Deanbox, maybe the quarter will have appreciated in value. Rory is hesitating to enter Doose's because Dean will be working there. We're STILL doing this? Boycotting small businesses, hurting the local shopkeep every time you break up with a boy? Oh, the shopkeep here is Taylor, carry on not giving him your money.

Lane starts jumping up and down OMG'ing and freaking out just because Rory is going into the market. She didn't even have a plan yet. Everyone in this town has rotting fish carcasses for brains. The "this" is Dean & Rory getting back together. God help me. Time and time again, we see the primary lesson of Gilmore Girls is this: Don't date someone who lives in your small town. After your inevitable break up, you'll be doomed to wander the streets, unable to enter any businesses, and eventually you will starve to death. Don't shit where you eat, as Milo would say.

Honestly though I love Lane. How could you not? Taylor accuses Rory of looking like a shoplifter. The nerve! Like Rory would ever steal anything!

Mikey's an improvement from Dean! Go for it Rory! "He took Thursday afternoon off. He must have met one of those Thursday afternoon girls. They're slutty girls who get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things." It's fine if you want to calling hypothetical girls you don't know sluts, so we'll just keep calling you Mary, it only seems fair. Rory: Lane, you'd tell me if you ever saw Dean with another girl at school? Well, she never told you when Jess stopped showing up for class, so idk how reliable this girl really is.

"Suck my left nut" is my catchphrase of the week, and Diet Logan can suck my left nut.

Classic Diet Logan. DL lies to Madelyn and Louise by telling them Rory agreed to go with him to the PJ Harvey concert, which enrages Paris, who is still infatuated with Tristan, apparently, for some reason.

Shut up Rachel, can't you see there is a dalmatian behind you? Show some respect. Rachel: Luke's been at your place alot. Lorelai: Yeah, well, he's been fixing some things. The porch rail. Some roof shingles, then the porch rail again. Luke's been spending an awful lot of time "fixing the porch rail" Eh? Eh? Heh heh.

A Troubador War is a brewin'. Luke scares Lorelai when she unexpectedly finds him in her house. The following exchange requires no further commentary from me: Lorelai: How'd you get in here? Luke: I came in through your back door. Lorelai: My back door's locked. Luke: Well that's why I came through it. Your back door lock was broken. Lorelai: My back door lock is fine. Luke: Your back door lock is cheap. (this exchange goes on way too long). #BackDoor Nitpick Time! My favorite time! Same episode:

Lorelai Gilmore, Milk Denier. And a cracker denier as well. (She once said she didn't keep crackers in the house when a box of Saltines was clearly visible in her kitchen in the same episode). "I'm a loner." "I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner." "Some guys are just natural loners." "Yes, lonely guys." "Independent guys." "Sad guys." "Maverick guys." "Lee Harvey Oswald." "John Muir." "The Unabomber." "Henry David Thoreau." "Jess Mariano." Okay you got me. I made that last one up.

Being a Milk Whore is more honest than being a Milk Denier, Lorelai. But is being a Milk Whore more respectable than being a Thursday Afternoon Supermarket Slut?

The House Of Forrester. House of The Damned.

Sure she's annoying as hell, but how did Dean's parents spawn an otherwise normal child? Honey, I have some news. I think you were adopted.

Apologize at once, Rory Gil. Poor Clara didn't ask to be born a Forrester. She doesn't need you traumatizing her too. Lorelai's bringing Max to a town meeting to pop his Town Meeting cherry. And oh boy, it's gonna be a good deflowering.

You have to admire MaxMedina's earnest enthusiasm about Ring Pops, like he just discovered the wheel. I was eating Ring Pops in the early 90's. Stars Hollow is at least a decade behind the times for everything, so I guess it checks out.

A sea of weirdoes. I'd say that if you packed any more oddballs into that tiny room you'd open up some kind of vortex to another dimension, but Stars Hollow is already not of this Earthly realm.

The American political landscape.

Piece of literal human garbage. I haven't dunked on Dean in a bit so I had to let it out. I get all backed up otherwise. Subjecting minors like poor Clara to one of these meetings should be classified as child abuse. Anyone want to open up their home to an incredibly annoying but sweet foster child?

Boring old MaxMedina just soaking up the weirdness and sipping his drinkydrink.

How does a Town Troubador make a living? Is this a volunteer gig he takes too seriously? Taylor somehow didn't know he existed, so this is not some local government-sponsored initiative. Clearly no one is going to pay him in tips. No one even pays for their food at the beloved local restaurant. Taylor asks him "what do you do for a living"? to which he responds "I don't want people to know those things." Ah yes the old Jess Mariano approach. A gigolo? A WalMart worker? A "messenger" for a guy named Todd? Miss Patty: He doesn't accept money. I tried. So not a Gigolo then. Taylor: This troubador act is a money making scheme! Prett-y rich coming from Taylor Doose who spends 7 years putting together "Fundraisers" to repair a tiny wooden bridge and is totally not pocketing the money. Taylor's the type of guy who says things like "no one wants to work these days!" but then this nice gentleman is out there trying his best probably hoping for a few bucks thrown into his guitar case, which is a pipe dream since this is Stars Hollow and no one pays for anything, and Taylor calls him a vagrant and a scammer. Taylor: Watch out Morey, after that anatomically explicit epithet your wife yelled at me earlier, you're both on probation. Oh Babette! I'd love to know what she called him. A cocksucker? A dickhead? Did she tell him to suck her left nut?

Pervy old Max Medina only bought Lorelai a ring pop for one reason and he's thinking he got his money worth.. Looks like Lorelai returned the favor and bought him a hot dog to suck on. The speech to follow is one of my all time favorite Rory moments and I truly enjoy it (ironically). Enjoy. "I have something to say!" *awed hush falls over the town hall* "Sometimes you have something to say but you can't because the words won't come out! Or you get scared or feel stupid! If you could just write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot of yourself! All of us can't be songwriters, we'll never be able to say what we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again! Ever!"

I was about to type "And then everyone clapped" as a joke. And then everyone actually clapped.

Honestly, Barfbag's puzzled reaction to Rory's speech is the most reasonable one. Where the fuck that did come from Rory Gil? She took one look at that soiled mattress Dean Forrester and suddenly a prepared speech comes flowing forth?

Yeah. Everyone briefly pity-claps for Rory. Lorelai gives her a small hug. No Babette yelling "you go Sugar!" or anything of the sort. We see another brief shot of Dean looking confused. The meeting concludes. I applaud Rory's lack of social anxiety. If I gave an impromptu speech like that in front of what I would expect was a supportive crowd and no one even reacted, the humiliation would be a debilitating weight I would carry around for at least the next 15 years.

"Let's go home and you can suck on my Ring Pop." Tumblr only allows you to post 30 pictures per post, but just like Rory Gil, I have a lot to get off my chest, so I will continue this in a second post/ part 2. See you soon...

[apocalypseornaw]

Walk Away-3

After so long apart you finally agree to see Sam and tell him the truth

You groaned as you sat back against the wall hoping this newest wave of nausea would pass.. It was normal according to the obgyn Tasha had helped you get into. You had just entered into your second trimester and found out the gender of the baby at your last appointment. She was growing perfectly and doing a number on your insides in the process. You heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Max leaned against the doorway leading into the bathroom with a cup of tea in his hand. He held it out to you with a smile “Ginger tea with honey and lemon” You thanked him as you took the cup and allowed yourself a small sip of the warm liquid. 

He walked a little further into the room before sitting down next to you his long legs stretched out in front of him “Donna Hanscum called again” you nodded before saying “That doesn’t really surprise me..has Jody and the girls started their rounds again?” he let out a sharp laugh “Not yet, it holds them off when they can talk with you but I had to tell Donna you weren’t here considering you don’t want Sam to know you’re currently starting to move past smuggling a basketball into smuggling a beach ball” “He doesn’t need to know” you mumbled but Max shook his head “He loves you Y/N. I don’t know what happened but he wouldn’t be trying this hard to get you to talk to him if he didn’t”

You leaned your head back against the wall then rolled your head over to look at Max “If and it’s a big if but if I was to agree to see him and Dean could you put a glamour on me?” his eyes went to your ever growing stomach “Oh you mean to hide the bump?” you nodded and he scratched his chin in thought then nodded “I think I can manage that with Alicia’s help. I’ll call Erik too, he's better at stuff along those lines” “Thanks Max and thank Erik for me too” he stood to go call Erik who was his boyfriend of a little over three years. You’d known him for a while but had gotten to know him better over the last few weeks considering his mom was your doctor. “When are you going to call Sam?” he asked from the door so you shrugged “When Jody calls I’ll tell her it’s fine to give Dean my new number then go from there” he nodded then walked out the room.

------

Sam was sitting at the table in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee and trying to ignore just how much the bunker itself seemed to miss your presence. How had he messed everything up this bad? How had Dean been able to see just how much pain you were in but he couldn’t? Christ he was an idiot. If he could do it over he would have never gone on that very first hunt where all of you met Lila.

She didn’t hold a candle to you. You were...hell you were a force of nature. Everyone who knew you was drawn to you. You were caring but strong, courageous but smart. You would dive in feet first to help someone you cared about and even strangers. He’d seen you go toe to toe with more than one demon just to save a life. You were a soft touch when needed but also was the first to make someone shake off any self doubt and get their fire back.

When Alex had needed help paying for college you’d found grants seemingly out of thin air. When Patience would get upset about her broken relationship with her father she’d call you. You were one of the few people Claire would take advice from without rolling her eyes.

As for the way you’d changed not only his life but Dean and Cas’ as well he didn’t have the words for. Dean never got a chance to withdraw into himself with you around because you’d be at his door slipping new cds under it or bribing him out with food and western movie marathons. Cas always seemed to brighten up when you walked into a room because you never let a day pass without reminding him just how important he was to what you called your family group.

When you’d come into Sam’s life you’d knocked him flat on his ass metaphorically speaking and literally speaking. He’d ended up catching a punch from you on accident. Dean had teased him that your right hook was what made him fall in love with you. Looking up to see a woman as beautiful as you were apologizing but calling him an idiot for getting in your way at the same time did help matters. From that day forward you were all he could think about. The day you finally moved into the bunker was the happiest day of his life. 

The dreams of a so-called normal life was behind him but with you a new normal started to form in his mind. He never felt more whole than when you were in his arms. Waking up to you curled against his chest or with his arm around your waist was the most peace he’d ever felt. He loved you more than he ever dreamed possible to love someone after losing Jess. He felt like such a failure because he had apparently not shown you that. When you started to talk with Donna, Jody and the girls at least he knew you were alive,healthy and indeed staying with the Banes twins. 

He knew they lived near a small town on the upper west coast but that was all he did know. He wanted nothing more than to track them down and beg for the chance to see you but for now at least knowing you were ok was the best compromise he was going to get. He sighed and looked down at his laptop. He had a few news websites up but his heart wasn’t in trying to find a case, his heart was wherever you were. He could hear Dean talking to someone in the library and thought maybe he had a case until he heard Dean say your name. 

He quickly moved around the corner to see Dean pacing across the floor as he spoke on the phone. He caught a few words of what Dean was saying “Are you sure?...Yeah I promise...look you have my word...I will...ok...and sweetheart it’s good to hear from you” Was Dean talking to you? Why had you called Dean? Was something wrong? Were you hurt? He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn’t realized Dean had not only hung up but had called his name three times.

“SAM!” Dean spoke harshly and he blinked a few times glancing at the phone still in his brother’s hand “Was that Y/N?” Dean nodded “Yeah she told Jody it was ok to pass her new number on to me..She’s willing to see you but she has a few conditions” “Anything, I’ll agree to anything” Sam answered quickly his mind going into overdrive at the thought of seeing you. 

Dean nodded again then said “Grab your stuff. I’ll text her and let her know we’re hitting the road. I’ve got to call Max when we get close enough and he’ll come meet us to lead us up to their place”

------

“Are you sure you can’t tell?” you asked Erik for the sixth time since he’d finished the glamour. He sighed and shook his head “I’m sure. I’ve hid entire buildings, your little baby bump isn’t even a challenge” you smiled then smoothed the shirt you were wearing self consciously. 

“Alicia why did I agree to talk to Sam again?” She walked in behind you and held out a bottle of water “Because you’re still in love with him, it’s blaringly obvious no matter what happened he’s still in love with you because they’ve made the trip from Lebanon in record time. Even if today doesn’t go well at least you know you tried” you took a deep breath and nodded. She was right of course. When Erik’s phone went off you nearly jumped out of your skin but his hand on your arm kept you in place “Calm down Y/N, that was just Max. They’re coming up the driveway”

No sooner than the words came out of Erik’s mouth you heard the familiar rumble of the Impala’s engine. Any other time that was music to your ears but now it made you a little queasy. Erik shot you a smile before grabbing his jacket “Me and Max are headed into town but when you want to lower the glamour I showed Alicia how ok?” you nodded “Thanks again Erik” “Anytime”

------

You took a deep breath when you heard the boots on the porch so Alicia moved to answer the door. You weren’t in direct eyesight so you heard Dean first say “Alicia, good to see you” she greeted him then said “Hi Sam” you felt your heart flip when he said “Hey Alicia, I um thank you for being a place she could come to” “She’s always welcome wherever me and Max are and we make sure she knows it” that was one of the many things you loved about Alicia. Her words and tone of voice was friendly but the underlying venom of having comforted a hurt friend was still very much there.

“Y/N?” Alicia called out as she shut the door behind the boys as if she didn’t know for a fact you were hiding in the small hallway between the front door and kitchen. “Right here” you replied stepping around the corner. Dean smiled when he saw you “Well you’re a sight for sore eyes” you were glad when he just hugged you with one arm around your shoulders on the off chance of him brushing against your stomach.

“I see you’ve actually managed to stay alive without me which is a miracle in itself” you teased with a tense smile trying to calm your nerves before meeting Sam’s eyes. God those fucking eyes of his. You stood there for a second staring at each other before Dean turned to Alicia “You got something to drink? Alcoholic or otherwise. I’d settle for tea or coffee” she gave him a small smile before winking at you and herding him towards the kitchen.

Once the two of you were alone you both started to speak at the same time. You laughed nervously “You want to go first?” he nodded then let out a harsh breath “I’m sorry. I know that probably falls flat but I am. You are the most important person in my life. I love you with everything in me and I failed to show you that. I failed to realize how much my actions were hurting you. I made you think I wanted someone else and I pushed you away. I don’t expect you to forgive me and I don’t expect you to come back with me but I’m grateful you chose to let me come here and tell you that face to face”  You should’ve known with pregnancy hormones on top of everything else that you’d end up in tears. You wiped them away before they could fall before saying “Sam..god just tell me why? Why did you act like that towards her? Was the attachment to me the only thing stopping you? The fear of all our friends taking my side? Of your brother siding with me?” 

“Baby no” he breathed and took a step towards you but when you quickly crossed your arms over your chest and stepped back he froze in his tracks. “I guess it was the feeling of losing someone you love to a demon. I’ve been there before then with what happened to her husband. It got me thinking about what happened to Jess happening to you. That’s not an excuse because you told me that you wanted other hunters backing her and I didn’t listen but please baby please know I have never wanted anyone else since the day I met you” 

“But you didn’t listen to me Sam. That’s why I left! That’s why I came here and got them to ward me so you couldn’t find me. I couldn’t sit around waiting for you to break my heart and I’m not coming back with you no matter how much I want nothing more than to jump into your arms right now. If you want us...If you want a second chance before I tell you something I need a promise that you’ll be ok with it taking time, with me being here and you in Lebanon. I need you to actually think about it before you answer me Sam” you were trying so hard not to cry because you knew for a fact Dean and Alicia were standing just on the other side of that kitchen door waiting to intervene if you needed them to.

“I’d do anything for a second chance for us, to prove to you just how much you mean to me” you nodded slowly then called out “Alicia can you and Dean come here?” the door swung open quickly to both of them nearly stumbling over each other. “Yeah sweetie?” she asked so you braced yourself then said “They need to know” “And you’re sure?” she questioned so you nodded “Yeah I’m sure” 

“Need to know what?” Dean asked but Alicia was already repeating the words Erik had told her would drop the glamour. The moment it faded and your stomach was back visibly rounded Dean’s eyes widened and poor Sam looked like he may faint or puke. “Is that why you left?” Sam asked quietly and you shook your head “I didn’t find out until about a month after I left. That’s why I came here”

Dean recovered quicker and held a hand out “Can I?” you nodded “She is your niece after all” “Niece, so it’s a girl?” he asked with a grin. Your hand came to cover Dean’s so you could place it on the light movements but your eyes never left Sam’s as you said “Yeah I just found out last week” a light kick made Dean’s grin get bigger “Look at that. She’s strong already” “Just like her mom” Alicia replied then reached for Dean’s arm “Let’s give them another minute” Dean nodded and kissed your cheek before saying “I love you kid and I’m gonna love her too” then followed her back into the kitchen.

Sam had remained silent so you finally looked up at him “Are you going to say anything?” a slight smile slipped onto his face before he quietly said “Can I touch you now? Because I really want to hug you and feel our daughter move” you moved towards him and he pulled you against his chest without hesitation. One large hand held your back while the other rested on your stomach “I love you Y/N. I’ll prove to you that things will be different. Nothing means more to me than you and her” you smiled up at him through the tears in your eyes “I love you too Sam” 

Tags: @delightfullykrispypeach @fofisstilinski @chengukargbo @rosalynshields @hunting-the-grievers @spngirl05

[rubifer]

Jessruby (Rubessica? Rubica? Jessy?) and rubatosis for the writing prompts?

Read on ao3!

rubatosis - the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat

Picture this: South Dakota, a chilly winter night. Full moon, of course, projecting its crude light on the empty fields, embracing the few bare oak trees that jut out from the landscape like gravestones. Their shadows stretch out, grasping at god-knows-what with their curled, bony fingers. Unlike Jessica’s, they do not shake.

Nothing lives to disturb the inert peace of the land – no birds, no wind, no heat. Wisps of steam billow through Jessica’s barely-open lips. They quickly dissipate into the dark – remind her this sign of life is not welcome in the picture of desolate wilderness. She does not make a sound; hasn’t spoken a word since Sam sank to his knees two days ago, Jake’s knife buried in his spine. Her silence, unlike the steam, slots snugly in the picture, and so the crossroads lets her be.

She sits there, staring blankly at the windscreen, listening to the night. The hair on her arm rises, but she does not shiver. The cold is a comfort.

By now, Dean has probably noticed she has gone. She doesn’t know if he’s looking for her, doesn’t know if he’s taken his eyes off of Sam’s corpse long enough to do so. Perhaps he even came to the same conclusions as she did, packing up his own bag, only to discover the Impala is missing. Dean, Bobby, Cold Oak – none of it feels real right now. There is only the night, the car, the crossroads, and Jessica.

And the box, of course.

The little birch locket sits between her cupped palms, weighing them down and stilling her fingers’ incessant trembling. It is far too pretty to be buried, with intricate carvings swirling across the lid. The red paint makes them look like streams of blood.

She takes a deep, forbidden, steamy breath and opens the door to the Impala.

When she slams it shut, it sounds like a gunshot. And yet, no startled birds crow out of the way, and no one is living to receive the wound.

Her feet crunch on the gravel. Her coat billows around her, merging with the unreal clouds of her breath, bathed in the pale and empty moonlight.

She reaches the centre of the cross, and feels nothing like Jesus.

Her joints ache as she crouches down, and she realises it’s been more than forty-eight hours since she last slept properly. The dirt lodges itself under her nails where she digs, etching little scratches across her skin.

On a whim, she opens the box one last time. Her college ID smiles up at her, all teeth and glowing, moisturized lips, golden hair cascading down her shoulders. Next to her, a vertebra of some poor cat’s corpse, and a handful of dirt from the graveyard that sits at the top of the hill, casting its shadow over the crossroads. She stares at the smiling stranger in her hands, replaces the picture face down, and lowers the box to the ground.

Her hands have stopped shaking.

She’s getting him back.

She stands up, and closes her eyes to not see the smoke of her breath. The night does not stir, and yet she feels a thousand pinpricks in her fingers, in her toes, around her chest. The cold prods at her, samples her, wondering what she will taste of when she joins it in its death.

She hears nothing, except for her heartbeat.

Until, smooth as a dove –

“Huh. You weren’t who I was expecting, princess.”

Her eyelids shoot open, and she whirls towards the voice that broke the sacred silence. A petite woman observes her, lips tugging upwards in a side smirk, eyes hooded by the shadows of the moon. Her black hair blends into the dark background, and she crosses her arms, hip to the side, like Jessica’s an amusing little dog barking for attention.

Jessica bites her lip. “Neither are you. I was expecting…”

She doesn’t know the name of the crossroads demon they encountered before, so she lets the sentence trail off on its own.

The woman lets out a puff of a breath, and Jess secretly thanks her for sharing the weight of the living in the indifferent scenery. Well – not exactly living, she supposes. But moving, talking. Reality.

“Call it a special order. Last driver has worse reviews than I do, by the way.”

She takes two steps towards her, and Jess takes two steps back. The demon raises an eyebrow.

“You called me here, sweetheart,” she says. “Getting second thoughts already?”

The amusement in her voice wakes Jessica’s blood. She’s always risen to the bait of condescension, and this time is no different.

“No,” she spits, and raises her chin. The demon looks up at her, and for once, she thanks her parents for their five-foot-ten genes. “I want to make a deal.”

The words hang between them, and their weight both crushes her lungs and releases her breath.

The demon walks closer, and this time, Jessica stays where she is. She sees her face in the pale light – the demon is breath-taking, really. Thinly-chiselled features, thick eyelashes, and lips that settle into a sharp sort of smile which almost carves dimples on her cheeks. Almost.

Jessica has to remind herself she’s looking at a corpse.

“Ah, yes,” she croons. “Your boyfriend, right?”

As if she’s taking a wild guess. As if the pain, a sidenote, doesn’t encompass Jess’ every waking hour. As if Sam’s death belongs to the landscape, another lifeless detail of the scenery. Her fingers start shaking again, but this time, it’s anger that boils inside her beating heart.

“I should send you back to Hell.”

The demon whistles. “Kitten’s feisty. I can see why he likes you.” She shrugs. “Or, well – liked.”

Her eyes flash black, as if to startle Jess away from the strange tone her voice took when she started speaking of Sam.

Jess does her best not to react to the bait, this time. “I want you to bring him back.”

“Sure can do, sweetie.” She moves forwards, until her lips are only a few inches away. Then, as Jessica opens hers to speak, her mouth retreats, and she is left with nothing but air. “It’ll cost a few dollars, though,” the demon says, and smirks. “Plus tips.”

Jess swallows. This is it. Deal with the devil. Jesus, her mother would kill her.

Instead she glares. “What do you want? My soul?”

“Well, that’s a no brainer,” the demon answers right away. “But the way you give your soul – that’s the interesting bit, baby.”

And the way she sneers out Jessica’s pet name for Sam, with contempt and something else she can’t quite place, sends shivers running down. What does she want?

“I know I’ll have to die. I just need him back.”

The demon looks at her, up and down, seeming to reassess her. Her eyes seem to swirl with some unknown emotion – hurt, anger, derision. Jealousy?

“How cute.”

Jess shakes her head. “Stop playing games with me. Are you going to make the deal or not?”

The demon smirks again, that thin, mean, assessing little thing. “If you ask so nicely.”

And she starts inching towards Jess again. “I’ll pull your darling Sam out,” she says, almost in a whisper, and Jess can feel the steam from her lips settle on her cheeks. “And in exchange, you’ll help me with something.”

Jess recoils at the vague phrasing. Her cheeks start to sting with cold again, already missing the body heat. “That’s barely a deal. Be specific, or this whole thing is off.”

“You weren’t supposed to live, Jess.”

The tone is sharp, unapologetic. Perhaps even a little vindictive. Jessica processes the words.

“What?”

“The higher-ups down there,” she tilts her chin to the earth beneath, “had a nice little plan for things to come. And that plan involved your pretty little face out of the way.” She raises an eyebrow. “Clearly someone failed with that.”

“You wanted to kill me?” She thinks her voice is pretty steady for such a revelation. She isn’t that surprised, really. But to have it confirmed – that the incident at Stanford wasn’t just a bad dream, that it wasn’t a bad place, bad time situation, that it was premeditated and planned by demons – serves to ground her thoughts much more than any engraved box could.

“Things worked out pretty well, all things considered. But they won’t if you continue to be a thorn in these specific animals’ side. I want you – ” she juts a finger against Jessica’s chest – “to lay low and do just as I say when the time comes.”

Jess tries to parse through the demon’s speech, to understand the cogs behind the ticking clock of her façade, but there’s only so much she is willing to show.

The terms are… bad, of course, but not as bad as she thought they would be, if she’s honest. “How long will I have with him?”

“Oh, a good year at least. Wouldn’t want to deprive you of your sweet love,” she adds with the start of an eyeroll.

Jess nods. “And then – I go with you?”

“So forward. At least wait until the first date.” At Jessica’s insistent stare, she relents. “You can, if it makes you feel better. As long as you don’t interfere, the big guys don’t care what you do.”

Jess breathes out. The demon’s eyes are mesmerising – darker than Sam’s, but with the same intensity. She finds herself unable to look away.

“Of course,” the demon adds, “no trying to weasel your way out of the deal. Or Sammy dear goes straight back to where he came from. And no consorting with the Winchesters about it, either. These are the terms, take it or leave it.”

Jess tears her gaze off the demon’s face, and it lands on the shrivelled blades of grass behind her slim body. Travels toward the night sky, the cold, cold stars that glimmer down in apathy. Settles on the graveyard at the top of the hill. She thinks of Sam, his toothy grin, the dimples on his cheeks, the stupid bangs he refuses to cut. His shocked, pain-brimmed eyes flash across her brain; his last breath, broken and raspy, as he chokes something that might be Jess, might be okay, might be nothing at all, and collapses in Dean’s arms.

She clenches her jaw. “Okay,” she says. “Deal.”

Two puffs of smoke that swirl in the air. And land.

The demon grins. “Thank you, Jess.” And maybe Jessica’s too tired, maybe her mind is playing tricks, maybe she’s still shaken by the memory of Sam’s death, but she thinks there might be genuine gratitude in her voice.

Jess nods.

“So,” the demon says then, and takes back the sultry tones she’s used to. “I suppose you already know how this goes.”

Jess nods again. As she’s about to move forward, she thinks of something, and pauses. The demon raises her brows.

“Before we do this –” Jess licks her lips. “I want to know your name, first.”

The demon stops, considers, and tilts her head. “Fair enough.”

She takes a step forward, and leans towards the taller woman. She has to stand on her tip toes, and had the circumstances been literally anything else Jessica would have found it cute. The ghost of her breath tickles her chin. “My name,” she whispers, and her lips are so infinitely close. Their every movement sends shards of lightning through her body, and Jess has never been more aware of her own heartbeat. And then, smooth as a lamb, she sighs –  “is Ruby.”

And then her lips crash onto Jessica’s own, hungry and powerful and demanding. They taste of ash and death and cold, but they feel alive in a way she hasn’t felt in over forty-eight hours.

And Jessica welcomes them in.

The moon is nowhere to be found, swallowed by a darkening cloud. There is no light to soothe the death that claims the South Dakota winter night.

[aylacavebear]

She Thought She was Normal

A/N: Splitting Chapter 23 into 2 parts. It was another long one.

Story Summary: Maria really thought she was normal, for most of her life. It was normal for people to have natural talent, she would tell herself the older she got. Many things came easy for her, and that was probably how their rivalry began when she was five and he was seven and she met the Winchesters. Little did either of them know that it wouldn't stay like that forever, both having a far larger destiny than they could imagine

Word Count: 5091

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), Angst, Fluff (some), insinuating sex

----------------------------------------- Chapter 23 Pt. 1

Sam peaked in Dean’s room the following morning as he and Jess headed toward the kitchen, “Looks like it went well last night,” he chuckled, looking over at Jess, as she’d shared the suggestion that she had given to Maria.

“Guess we’ll find out when the two crawl out of her bed,” she giggled as they continued to the kitchen.

“Either of you two seen Dean this morning?” John asked them when they entered the kitchen.

Jess giggled quietly, heading to get her and Sam coffee as he went and sat down at the table, “Not yet. I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually,” Sam told his dad, doing his best not to chuckle.

Bobby raised an eyebrow, “Not sure I’m liking the sound of that,” he told them, not amused at Sam’s insinuation.

Jess gave Sam his cup and sat down next to him, then looked over at Bobby, “I know I’m new around here, but I know Maria. She knows what she’s doing-”

She didn’t have a chance to finish before Bobby cut her off, “And I know Dean. That boy isn’t the settling down type and I’ll be damned if I let him break her heart,” he almost growled at her.

“I know Dean too, Bobby,” Sam said, managing confidence and not anger, “He’s been in love with her since he was sixteen. He’d never admit it to anyone but you didn’t see how he looked at her that morning. Did either of you ever think about how things changed after that between them, at least on Dean’s side?” 

Sam managed to stay calm as he had explained things, Jess smiling softly at him, then squeezed his hand, a silent “I’m proud of you”. Bobby wanted to argue but he knew that Sam had a point, as did John. They’d seen it the entire time at the bunker and on that last visit when she was fourteen. John chuckled a little but Bobby still wasn’t entirely happy, although, if she was going to end up with anyone, he had to admit that Dean wasn’t a bad guy and would do anything he could to protect her.

She stirred first, nuzzling a bit more against his chest, her hand near her face. Maria had no idea what time it was and didn’t care, she was warm and comfortable, cuddled up under the blankets with Dean. She smiled a bit, and let her fingers lazily move along his chest with her hand where it was. There was peace at that moment for her, even if he was still sleeping or so she thought. She opened her eyes and watched his breathing for a bit before she moved her head just a bit and gently kissed his chest. Dean was doing fine so far, pretending to sleep, that was until her fingertips slowly moved to his side. Her nails lightly ran across his ribs just right and he had to grab her wrist when she accidentally tickled him. She jumped though, and tried to move away, but he held her close.

“It’s okay. I’m uh, a little ticklish,” he told her lazily, lacing his fingers with hers on the hand he had grabbed.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, getting comfortable again.

Dean opened his eyes and smirked, “That’s one way to wake up,” he chuckled before he rolled her onto her back and kissed her. 

It was soft and gentle, and he caressed her cheek. She did freeze up a little, but quickly relaxed again, kissing him back. Maria let her hand move along his side, without tickling him, and then along his back, holding him close, and he groaned a bit under her touch. For a moment she thought maybe she hurt him, but when he didn’t pull away, she felt relieved.  Dean only let the kiss go on for so long before he pulled away from her. He took a deep breath and looked down at her, biting his lip.

“You don’t seem so tense this morning,” he finally told her, trying to take his mind off of what he really wanted to do.

She giggled a little, “I’m not, or at least I’m not right now. I totally forgot about that whole apology thing,” she replied, then smirked a little, “Might say it on purpose one day.”

His eyes searched hers, and her expression as he smiled softly down at her, “If only you had an inkling of what I’d like to do with you,” he told her, taking a deep breath.

Maria looked at him, slightly puzzled, but had a small idea, “Let me work up to that,” she told him, smiling a little.

Dean kissed her forehead one more time before he climbed out of bed, remembering he had left his shirt in the library, along with leaving out the whiskey and cups, “Shit,” he exclaimed.

She sat up in her bed and looked over at him, tilting her head a bit, “What’s wrong?” 

“I left my shirt out there and we didn’t clean up last night,” he replied, slipping his shoes on.

Maria did her best not to smile at that. She was enjoying seeing him without a shirt on, “At least your room is down the hall. You could always borrow one of mine, if you want,” she offered, chuckling at the thought.

“Your Uncle would kill me if he doesn’t want to already,” he told her, only a bit worried as he motioned toward the clock on her night table with his head.

Her smile faded quickly when she saw that it was after ten, “Shit.”

Without thinking she got out of bed and pulled out a shirt and jeans, then began changing, with Dean standing there by her closed door. He just smiled, leaned back, and enjoyed the view, even if her back was to him. She didn’t even bother making her bed. She grabbed her red flannel and tossed it on before slipping on a pair of socks and shoes.

“What?” she asked him as she stood back up.

“I just didn’t want to freak you out, while you were changing,” he replied, attempting to think straight.

“Oh. Well, I figured since you already saw me naked in the bathroom that morning, it wasn’t a big deal,” she replied nonchalantly, tilting her head just a bit.

Dean had no idea what to say, at least nothing witty. The girl had made him speechless, “I’ll remember that then. After you,” he replied, as cool as he could manage, opening her door for her, “I’m gonna go grab a shirt.”

She chuckled and kissed him on the cheek before heading toward the kitchen. Dean was on cloud nine as he went to his room. Maria made it through the war room and into the kitchen without either of her Uncles saying anything to her. She let out a sigh of relief when she made it to the coffee pot, then grumbled a little, finding it empty.

While she was waiting for the pot to brew, Jess joined her in the kitchen, “So, how’d it go?” she asked, leaning on the counter of the island across from her.

Maria blushed a little but smiled, “He asked me out,” she replied, looking like a giddy, happy kid.

Jess smiled ear to ear and then hugged her, “That’s awesome. So then, last night, was your first time?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes, “We didn’t do anything. We talked for hours, kissed a little, and then fell asleep cuddling.”

“When you tell your uncles, I recommend leaving out the kissing part,” Jess giggled, so happy for her.

Maria poured her and Dean a cup of coffee and the two girls headed out to the library, where Dean was getting the third degree from her uncles. She knew that she had to let go of that fear. So, she took a deep breath and walked over to Dean, standing between him and her Uncle Bobby.

“Here, got you some coffee,” she told him softly.

Dean was a little confused but accepted the coffee, not entirely sure what to say, especially when she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks, for going at my pace.” She made sure that her uncle could hear her.

“Is there something else I should be aware of?” Bobby asked, getting slightly frustrated. Dean’s track record with women wasn’t a secret.

She took a deep breath, winked at Dean, and then turned to face her uncle, “Uncle Bobby, I know how you feel about Dean. It’s no secret, at least not between us. I also know that there's probably no one on the planet that you’d think was good enough for me. So, I’m gonna make this simple. I chose him, and I said yes when he asked me out,” she explained, as respectfully as she could manage.

Bobby sat there and thought for a moment, keeping how proud of her he was out of his expression, for now. He knew how Will would have been if he were alive, and he felt like he was responsible for her now that he was gone. He leaned back in his chair, “Alright, but if he breaks your heart, I’m gonna break him.”

“All I ask is that you keep the public displays of affection to a minimum,” John chuckled.

Bobby looked over at him, “If I had my way, there wouldn’t be any.” Maria rolled her eyes, “Okay, minimal PDAs. However, if you walk in on something, that isn’t on us,” she told them.

Technically her father had left the bunker to her and she was allowed to invite others to live there with her or even visit. She knew she could have used that but also wasn’t that kind of person. Dean made a mental note not to do anything in front of Bobby. Maria took Dean’s hand and led him over to an open area at one of the tables so they could sit next to each other. It was also far enough away that they could at least hold hands out of his sight. She knew it would take her uncle a little bit to warm up to the idea of her dating someone, let alone Dean. 

She had her first cup of coffee with them but took her second one to her room, closing the door behind her. She had research to do and didn’t feel like doing it in the library. She also didn’t want to ask Jess. There was plenty of information to find online when it came to relationships, from beginning feelings to the intimacy involved. That alone was a massive topic and she found herself headed down two different rabbit holes. She’d had her headphones in, so didn’t hear the knock on her door, all three times it came. 

“Sweetheart?” Dean asked gingerly, opening her door and peeking inside.

He stopped himself though, barely his head through the opening as he looked at her. She was sitting like she’d been leaning against the headboard. Only now she was more leaned forward, a puzzled but curious expression written all over her face as she stared down at the laptop screen. He couldn’t see what she was watching, nor hear it, but she looked adorable. Dean chuckled a little as he went into her room. He wanted to get her attention but there was no way of doing that without going over to her. Dean carefully held the plate of food he’d made her in one hand, while he put the other in front of her laptop screen, causing her to scream a little in surprise, slamming the laptop shut.

“Damnit Dean!” she yelled as she looked up at him, pulling out her earbuds, then instantly regretted yelling. He’d brought her eggs, toast, hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage. She sighed, feeling bad, “I’m sorry for yelling.”

All Dean did was smirk before setting the plate down on the foot of the bed before he kissed her. He was rather happy with himself for coming up with this. She leaned back a little and he twisted her just a bit so that she laid down with him over her. Maria giggled a bit into the kiss which made him smile against her lips, which felt so soft against his own. He did pull away though and helped her sit back up, then handed her the lunch he’d made her.

“Figured you were hungry,” he told her, sitting down on the edge of her bed, “So, what were you watching?”

She blushed a little, “Definitly hungry but I’m not telling you what I was watching,” she replied, taking a bite of the breakfast.

“You’ve got the same guilty look I get when someone catches me watching porn,” he chuckled.

She almost choked on the bite she’d taken, coughing to clear her throat. That made Dean laugh a little, “Geeze. I was just doing some research,” she finally replied.

Dean held his hands up in mock surrender, “Just an observation, that’s all,” there was a bit of playfulness in his tone, “So, what were you researching?”

“Just stuff I was curious about, that’s all,” she replied, mostly casually.

He had his suspicions but wasn’t gonna push it, “Alright. You could always join us in the library. Sam and Jess are cataloging stuff with Bobby and my Dad. Honestly it’s fairly boring and you’re a welcomed distraction,” he told her, flirting a little.

She smirked while she ate, enjoying the meal he’d brought her, and his company. He was just enjoying being in her presence for the moment. While she ate, the things she’d looked up continued to play out in her mind, occasionally making a small smile tug at the corner of her lips. He knew he should have gone back out and helped the others but sitting with her was far more enjoyable than cataloging the things in the bunker.

“Mmmm, that was amazing, thank you,” she told him happily, setting a hand on her stomach when she finished eating.

“Glad you enjoyed it, Sweetheart,” he replied with a happy smirk, “Don’t spend all day in here, please. Could use some of a distraction from them,” he added.

She smiled up at him, “I’ll try not to. I just… I really need to do this research first. It’s… important,” she told him, doing her best not to blush.

He kissed her on her forehead as he took her plate from her lap, “Have fun then. Maybe you can tell me about it later,” he told her before heading out of her room, closing the door behind him.

Maria sighed, noticing how almost dejected he looked when he left. She frowned a little as she opened her laptop back up and put her headphones back in, getting back to her research. Something she was thankful for was that she was a quick study, picking things up exceptionally easily. She knew that was because of her being whatever it was she was though. Maria also knew there were probably more important things she could have been doing when it came to the whole stopping something terrible part, but to her, this was just as important. 

The next few hours she learned way more than she thought was possible and she’d barely scratched the surface as to what was out there and available. She’d gone down a rabbit hole to which there seemed to be no end in sight and stopped when things got rather disturbing to her. The whole sub/dom topic and anything beyond it, as well as anything having to do with what was called BDSM, and that had its own range as well. She sighed as she took out her headphones and closed her laptop. She’d erased her history, not wanting anyone to find it, especially Dean. She knew how resourceful he was when he was curious enough about something. 

She went out into the war room, noticing boxes, both wooden and cardboard, everywhere, “Having fun?” she asked, in a teasingly playful way.

“Cute. Gonna lend us a hand?” Bobby asked her, not looking up from what he was reading.

Maria thought for a moment, “Depends on what kind of hand you’re asking for?” she asked, smirking, walking over to the library where they were all at.

Dean of course smirked and shook his head a bit. Bobby, on the other hand, wasn’t entirely amused, “Sorting, organizing, and cataloging,” he replied, trying not to sound annoyed, knowing her insinuation was directed at Dean.

“Well, I think I can help with the sorting and organizing part at least,” she replied, tilting her head a bit.

This time, all of them looked over at her. It was her tone that had gotten them curious, “Just don’t hit me in the head with these. It’s not like the dime,” Dean teased her, playfully.

She smirked as she looked over at him, “I don’t think you’re quite the distraction you used to be,” she teased back.

That made Sam, John, and Jess chuckle while her uncle rolled his eyes. Dean was about to protest but quickly shut his mouth. She looked at the boxes with intentional thought for them to group themselves in the best way possible for easy understanding and cataloging. Maria was more confident now, not only in her power but also in how she felt toward Dean. The boxes moved around the room, not hitting any of them as they organized themselves into neat stacks on the tables and even the floor. They just watched in amazement. Dean’s focus was on her though, adoration in his eyes.

“Well, that will make it easier,” Bobby said, quietly amazed as his eyes followed the boxes around.

“Glad I could help,” she replied proudly as the last box settled itself alone in front of her.

“What’s that one?” John asked, looking at the small wooden box.

Maria looked down at it, her brows furrowed in confusion for a moment, “I don’t know. It’s not like I took the time to learn what was in all those boxes. I just wanted them organized the easiest for being cataloged,” she replied, just as confused as her expression.

Dean moved over so that he was behind her, snaking his arms around her waist, “Not sure I don’t like being a distraction, gonna have to work on that,” he whispered in her ear.

His warm breath against her neck made an excited shiver run down her spine, “Looking forward to it,” she whispered back before reaching for the box.

He nuzzled against her neck, keeping the PDA to a minimum in front of the others, well, the adults anyway, smirking. She turned the box over in her hands a couple of times, looking for any kind of markings, finding none. All the stuff in the bunker had had some sort of label on it. She pursed her lips, frowning a little as she opened the box, finding another smaller one inside, and pulled it out. The others had moved closer to see what was in the box as well. The small inscription on the top of it sent goosebumps down her body, “Don’t touch unless you are celestial” and the number 444 on the bottom of the box. 

“Well, that’s specific,” Bobby said, reading it over her arm.

“I think I fall into that category,” she almost chuckled dryly.

Maria took a deep breath before she opened the box, then tilted her head a bit. Inside was a necklace with a pendant in the shape of the North Star in a circle. She reached down and picked it up, rubbing her thumb over the pendant. It wasn’t clear what it was made out of but it was beautiful nonetheless. It had a slight glow to it for a moment as the others in the room shared a look of uneasiness before they looked back at her. Dean moved back when she went to put it on but Bobby gently grabbed her arm.

“Kid, I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he told her warily.

She looked over at him, “I don’t know how to explain it Uncle Bobby, but it’s okay.” she replied softly.

“Can we at least figure out what it is before you just go and put it on, Sis, please?” Sam asked her, more like begged her.

She rolled her eyes, but understood, setting it back in the box, “Alright. We’ll do it your way,” she sighed, closing the box and setting it back down on the table.

For the next hour, they combed through files and logs, attempting to find item number 444. They figured it would be simple since it was marked with more than just the words. Maria rubbed her eyes a bit, tired of going through file after file with no luck. She had found herself continually looking over at the little box, drawn to it. 

“I need a drink,” she grumbled before heading to the fridge for a beer. 

Normally she wouldn’t have drank. She wasn’t having those downing feelings that she had in the past. She stopped at the fridge though and decided to just make some coffee instead, sighing as she leaned against the counter. Dean soon joined her, standing in front of her, and then pulling her close. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed against his chest.

“You okay?” he asked her softly.

“Yeah. Just… a little frustrated that we haven’t found any information on that necklace yet, that’s all,” she replied and he could hear the frustration in her tone.

“We’ll find it,” he tried to reassure her, kissing the top of her head.

Dean grabbed a beer when she got her coffee before the two went back into the library. She didn’t see Sam or Bobby though. Jess was writing things down, cataloging the items while John was looking at a file with a stack next to him. Maria returned to the stack of files she had been looking through while Dean headed down the hall toward the archive rooms. 

“Any luck?” he asked Sam and Bobby as he went back over to where he’d been sitting.

“No. Their filing system sucks,” Bobby groaned.

Dean sighed before he stood back up and went looking along the shelves again. They were filled with file boxes, all labeled, just oddly. He let his eyes scan along the letters and numbers. They had figured it’d be in at least a closely numbered box but they had been wrong, then perhaps a variation of the numbers and letters relating to them. Sadly, it hadn’t been there either. Now, they were grasping at straws, looking in everything. Dean sipped his beer as he walked along the shelves. He grabbed a box labeled C731 and brought it to the table. He didn’t sit down, just set down his beer and opened it. Dean tilted his head a bit, furrowing his brow as he only saw one file inside, labeled 444.

“I think I found it,” Dean said, somewhat surprised as he pulled the file out.

Sam and Bobby looked up, “Well?” Bobby asked.

At first, Dean was silent, holding up a finger, as he opened the file and began looking through it, reading to himself as he flipped through the pages. The picture in the front had been of the necklace, so he knew he had the right file. “There’s not much,” Dean told them. Again, the two just looked at him, waiting for him to give them something.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, forcing him to look away from the file.

“What?” he asked, not understanding.

“You gonna read it or hand it over?” Bobby asked.

“Oh, right,” Dean replied, then looked back down at the file, “Well, according to this, no human can touch it or they, ‘Glow with a bright while light before they die. Their eyes burning out of their sockets with their insides liquifying.’ Sounds gross, and painful,” Dean read, then flipped the page, “It’s a celestial pendant that, ‘Can only be handled by a creature with the grace of the heavens.’ Huh.”

Sam and Bobby exchanged a look, “Better go show this to Maria,” Bobby sighed, still somewhat worried.

The three of them headed out to the library, “Found it,” Dean said, only slightly proud of himself.

Maria looked up at him, as did John and Jess. He then proceeded to tell them what he’d told Sam and Bobby but Maria snagged the file out of his hand, reading it herself. He wasn’t pleased with that but didn’t say anything about it. When she read the part about the grace, she decided that she would be seeing Zamariel in her dreams that night. Once she scanned the whole file, which was quite small compared to the others they had been looking through, she set it down and picked up the box.

“So, it’s not dangerous to me then,” she stated, opening the box again.

“I’d feel better if you talked to Mari before you just went fiddling around with that thing,” Bobby told her, still worried.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, closing the box and setting it back down. She wanted to argue but she understood him, “Playing it safe. Alright, I’ll talk to her tonight then,” she replied, “I’ll clean up.”

Maria stood and imagined all the mess of their search putting themselves away, and with that, all the files moved through the air to where they belonged, even the things in the archive room. Then, she grabbed another cup of coffee before heading to her room, wanting to double-check the book as well. Zamariel had mentioned that it would change and grow as her powers did. She waved her hand and her laptop moved itself to her desk as she sat down, leaning against the headboard. 

The book did have some new information but not much, which only frustrated her more than anything. She made sure to read the one line that was on the inside cover of the back of the book so she wouldn’t have to try to remember it later. She groaned a bit as she set the book back on her nightstand, then leaned her head back on her headboard. There was so much information swirling around in her mind at this point that she felt like she had a headache and was utterly tense.

“Can I come in?” Jess asked from outside her door.

“Yeah,” she sighed, not moving.

Jess opened the door and looked over at her, closed the door, and then went and sat on the edge of her bed, “You look stressed.”

Maria laughed a little, “My brain hurts.”

“You know, a bath might help. Hell, a shower would help,” Jess suggested, wanting to help her relax.

She moved her head so that she was looking at Jess now, smiling a little, although she did still look stressed, “I think a shower sounds better. I’m not much for baths.”

“Between you and me, the shower room has the best water pressure. Just remember, the guys can come in there anytime, so…” Jess told her, keeping her voice down, “... shower there at your own risk.”

“Who’s turn was it to cook tonight? I totally forgot. And, I’ll keep that in mind. I might wait till at least my uncles head to bed before a shower,” she chuckled, considering trying out the shower room.

“Pretty sure it’s John. I saw him head in there about a half hour ago. Although, I’m not sure what he’s gonna come up with. From what Sam told me, he didn’t do much cooking for them,” Jess answered her.

Maria chuckled a little, “Bobby will probably end up helping him with something. He didn’t cook much for the boys. Sam used to tell me that Dean did more cooking than John did.”

The girls got up and headed out and into the war room. Sam and Dean were hanging out in the library, so that was where the girls went, “Where are Bobby and John?” Jess asked them.

“Dad and Bobby headed out to get pizza,” Dean chuckled.

“So much for him cooking anything,” Maria laughed a little, “How long till they get back?”

“Probably a half hour,” Sam answered as Jess went over and sat on his lap.

Maria rolled her eyes and looked away from them. She half leaned, half sat on the edge of the closest library table, Dean was to her left sipping a beer. Her mind was still swimming with everything and began wondering if a shower would even help her relax.

“Maria!” Dean said to her, a little louder this time, leaning forward in his chair.

She looked over at him, somewhat puzzled as to why he’d raised his voice, “What?” she asked, a little confused.

“I was trying to ask you if you were okay but it was like you didn’t even hear me,” he told her, concerned.

“Oh, umm… sorry. Just got a lot on my mind,” she replied.

He thought for a moment, “I’m here, if you need to unload anything,” he offered sincerely.

She smiled a little, “Thanks. That’s… really sweet of you.” she replied, then looked down at the floor, “Although, I’m not sure I’m ready to tell anyone what’s been running around in my mind,” she finished, and chuckled a little at the end. It wasn’t like she could tell him what she’d been researching earlier, that would have been too embarrassing.

Dean watched her, noticing the small blush that appeared on her cheeks, and smirked, “You could always just show me,” he suggested, raising an eyebrow, “Either way, I’m here.”

The mild blush only deepened with his words, “Another time,” she replied, glancing over at him.

“Uh-huh,” he said before he sipped his beer.

Maria rolled her eyes again, finding him annoying and adorable but didn’t say anything. Bobby and John opened the garage door shortly after that, causing Jess to get out of Sam’s lap. It was more out of respect for them than anything else. No one teased John that night, for getting pizza instead of cooking. They were thankful he hadn’t tried to cook. Plus, they all loved pizza, no matter how much they loved home-cooked meals.

John and Bobby didn’t stay up late, heading to bed near eight. That was when Maria figured it’d be a decent time to get that shower she’d wanted, “I’m gonna shower,” she stated, then looked over at Dean, “And no peeking.” (Sure, like Dean isn't going to peek...)

----------------------------------------- Chapter 23 Pt 2 - SMUT warning now

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67

Link to the master list for this story.

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Emergency! Part 1

Part 1 – Plane Crash

Summary: Dean and Cas are partners at Fire Station 51’s paramedic squad and are responding to their first of many. A plane crashes into an apartment complex, multiple fire stations respond to put out the fire and rescue any victims trapped. But RN, Y/N Y/L/N, happens to live in the very complex involved in the plane crash. Though unharmed, she commits her time to aid and assist in the victims coming out of the building and the plane. The rescue turns sideways on Dean when a beam drops onto Dean, damaging his oxygen tank, he quickly turns into a victim as he quickly succumbs to smoke inhalation and becomes Y/N’s patient.

Warnings: Mild angst (relationship), slight language, fluff?

Square: Firefighter!AU ( @supernatural-jackles​ Tell me a story Bingo)

Word Count: 1,784

Mobile Masterlist

Series Masterlist

A/N: DOA = Dead on Arrival. Y/L/N = Your last name. But I hope you guys enjoy!

~

She got up at her usual time of 5am to be at the hospital by 6:30am.

Not much of a coffee drinker, she just got her a mug filling up with soda, the soda being her caffeine for the day.

She got into her scrubs, grabbing her nametag, pens and her personal notepad.

Ready to hit the road before traffic begins to pick up on the freeway in Los Angeles, she grabs her wallet, phone and keys she locks up to leave for her day at work as a Registered Nurse at Rampart emergency hospital.

Just as she got to the street to her car, there was a loud noise growing louder. She looked in the direction of the noise to see a plane, crash landing into her own apartment complex.

Ducking beside her car at the impact of the plane she was also thankful for her timing.

Quickly she dials 9-1-1.

Dean got up at his usual time of 4 in the morning to begin his 24-hour shift at the station.

Dean is a paramedic and squad member at station 51.

He pulled his truck into the parking lot, still trying to wake up.

His partner was already there.

“Cas, do you ever sleep man?” Dean asked.

“Slept on the couch again.”

“Are you and Hannah okay?”

“No, we had a big fight again last night. I don’t know what I can do for her anymore.” Cas says, defeated.

“Just end things man, you need sleep, and you need some peace of mind. I got room at my house for a roommate if you need a place.”

“Thanks Dean, but I already had plans of ending things with Hannah, last night was just the nail in the coffin of yet another failed relationship.”

“She failed it man, you did nothing wrong.” Dean encouraged.

“Thanks man.”

Dean offered a kind smile and a pat on Cas’s shoulder.

“Ready for another long shift?” Cas asks.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, my dad here yet?”

“Yeah, he’s in the office why?”

“Wonder if he got the invite to Sam and Jess’s wedding.”

“Bought damn time that kid popped the question honestly.”

“I know, he and Jess dated for what seemed like forever.”

“You really think they’re still sore at each other, I mean John of all people should know he can’t control what his kids want to do.”

“Yeah, I don’t know, that’s why I was gonna ask if he got it.”

Cas nods.

“I saw you put in for a three-day weekend, what’s going on?”

“Just wanting to take a trip out to the campgrounds outside of town to the family cabin, Dad says the deck could use some work and I was gonna kill two birds with one stone. Camp out and help dad fix up the deck.”

“That sounds cool.”

The fire stations alarm sounded.

“Truck 27, squad 27, engine 47, squad 47, Engine 51, squad 51, structure fire at Purgatory Apartments 1366 south Millard Ave.”

“Lots of trucks and engines responding, must be big.” Cas states. Jumping into action.

“Must be.” Dean says running to the squad truck, jumping into the driver seat, Cas jumping into the passenger.

Dean turned the keys in the ignition, roaring the Ford Truck to life, and turning on the lights and siren. Heading out onto the road, with the firetruck, Engine 51 following behind.

 “This is RN Y/N Y/L/N, I have multiple victims at 1366 Millard Ave. A plane crashed. 3 already DOA, I need help right away.” She says into the phone.

“We’re working on it; we already have multiple firestations responding to your location. Just keep aiding in the victims as best as you can Ms. Y/L/N.” dispatch for 9-1-1 says.

She continued chest compressions on a victim and did 2 rescue breaths. And checked his pulse, still no change.

She sat her phone off of her shoulder and on the ground, so she could focus on reviving the victim.

One more attempt at cpr, she checks his pulse, still no change. Placing his hands over his chest, she says a silent prayer.

“I’m sorry.” She tells the people watching over her as she worked.

“Where is your help?” a lady asked furiously.

“They’re on the way, LA Is a large ass city, and you know how traffic is in this town.” She says.

She was already frustrated with the losses she didn’t need an attitude from anyone.

The sound of wailing sirens in the distance brought relieve to the nurse as she worked tirelessly on the victims.

Engine and squad 27 and 47 being the first on the scene.

“There are people trapped in the buildings, and there were about 45 passengers on this flight. 4 are DOA so far.” Y/N stated to the captain of the two fire stations as they approached her.

“Alright, I’ll send my guys in.” Captain of station 27 stated.

“I’ll let the other stations as they come in to assist.” Captain of station 47 stated.

Another fire engine’s siren wailed as it approached.

The men jumping into action.

“Winchester!” the captain of station 47 shouts as he approached engine 51.

“What do we got?”

“Unknown number of victims trapped in the complex, 45 passengers or so from the plane. 4 of them were DOA. Oh, and she’s a nurse, thought I’d mention that she could help us out.”

“Right,” John Winchester, captain of station 51 agreed.

“Alright guys, we got to work fast, there are people trapped in these two buildings, we need to clear them out. Tran, get the engine ready so we can use the hose. Gabe, and Michael, work on the fire with the other stations, Benny, Raph, and Charlie, aide the paramedics, either from 27, 47 or Dean and Cas, we need to save as many as we can, alright?”

“Yes sir.”

“Get to it.”

Everyone went to where they were instructed to. Dean and Cas got their equipment from their truck and went into one of the buildings, full fire fighter gear.

“Dean!” John called out.

Dean stops, giving John his attention.

“Be safe in there son.”

“I will dad. Don’t worry.” He says, running in.

There were a good handful of people able to move and get to safety on their own, and another handful Dean and Cas had to carry out of the building.

One woman, sprained ankle from trying to escape hastily, as Cas carried her out she nearly flew out of the man’s arms.

“My daughter, she’s in her room!” she cries out.

“I’ll get her, Cas, get her out of here.”

Cas nods, doing as told.

Dean inspected the rooms, finding a seven-year-old girl, hiding beside her bed covered in a wet blanket.

“Hey, I’m Dean, I’m gonna get you out of here.”

The girls nods.

Dean kept a protective arm around her as they exited her room.

A beam creaked, and gave way above Dean, hitting his back.

He heard a loud pop, like a large pop can exploding.

He found it hard to breathe through his oxygen mask.

Taking off his mask and tank he saw rupture in his tank.

“Shit.” He hissed.

His lungs were quickly taken over by the smoke, he started coughing immediately.

He noticed the girl was already gone.

He tried to get up to hurry and save himself but he felt a sharp pain in the back of his leg.

He looked behind him, he saw the beam pinning him down by his leg.

Overcome by the coughing, his world began to turn black.

 Y/N finished placing a splint on the womans ankle when a child ran up to her and the group of firemen.

“Jamie! Baby!” her mother cried out, holding her arms out to her daughter.

“Mommy!” she cried.

“Where’s Dean?” Cas asked.

“A beam fell down and knocked him down. He’s stuck.” She says.

Without another word exchanged Cas took off to the apartment they rescued the woman.

The fire was slowly getting under control and it was easier to see inside the apartments. Cas was able to spot Dean out in the apartment easily.

He laid on his stomach, still and unmoving. Cas can see the beam pinning against Dean’s thigh.

He saw the beam was not supporting much of anything. He ran out, seeing Michael carrying an axe.

“Mikey, I need that!” Cas shouted.

“What’s up?”

“Dean’s stuck.”

Michael ran towards Cas and he saw Dean, inspected the beam. Saw the same as Cas, the beam not being much of importance to the structure, he begins working on breaking the beam in half.

The wood was badly damaged by the fire, he was able to break it in three strong hits.

Once he was free, Cas picked Dean up and carried him out over his shoulder fireman carry style.

Once he reached the nurse, she prepared an area she could work on Dean.

“Is he breathing?”

“He didn’t have his mask on, the tank was damaged.” Cas answered.

“More than likely smoke inhalation, lay him here and I’ll start working on him.

He did as told, laying him flat on his back.

She checked his pulse, and breathing, matching up to the fireman’s statements. And began chest compressions.

After 35 chest compressions she gave 2 rescue breaths. And checked his breathing, he’s breathing but it was shallow.

She placed on an oxygen mask over his mouth.

After ten minutes or so of the mask being on him, he began having a coughing fit as the air returned back to his lungs.

“He’s gonna be okay but we need to get him to the hospital, need to check out that leg.” Y/N said.

The men and women of station 51 nodded, agreeing with the nurse.

 Later that night as she made her rounds, she walked into Dean’s room.

“Good evening Mr. Winchester, how are you feeling today?”

“Sore.”

“That’s expected having a beam pin your leg down, and the smoke inhalation.”

“You saved my life, thank you, Miss….”

“Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N. And it’s no big deal, all part of the job.”

“Right, saving people.”

“The family business.”

“You’re family work here?”

“Yeah, my mom was head nurse at this very hospital, and my dad was a neurologist here. I was basically born and raised here.”

“Nice, my dad’s captain of station 51.”

“Awesome. But other than that, no pain at the moment, you don’t need anything?”

“No, just a number.”

She smirked, with a nod.

Writing on her notepad, her number. She ripped the paper out, handing it to him.

“Call me sometime, Winchester.”

He held the paper, unable to hide the wide grin.

“Definitely will.” He says as she walks out, continuing her shift.

~

Are you excited yet? I’m posting as I write this, probably a bad idea, but story of my life. Like what I got so far? Let me know, ask, reblog. Feedback is fuel. :3

~

Dean girls:

@pandazombie69​, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @jayankles​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @jeaniespiehs20​, @akshi8278​, @lyarr24​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 3/18/2021

[deathbidean]

a few thoughts on sam winchester

i dont think i can adequately express my absolute love for Sam Winchester.

like, this man is the most selfless and caring and open-hearted man. he chooses to care about each person he encounters, gives each person a second chance. because he understands the importance of second chances. he knows what it’s like to screw up, to disappoint and hurt the people you love. he knows it all too well.

and yet, despite all of his trauma, despite being hurt over and over, he chooses to trust. i’ve discussed it so many times with people how Dean doesn’t get close with many people, but the few he does, he keeps them incredibly close. Sam on the other hand; he welcomes everyone with open arms, always willing to help and support them no matter what. 

he was the one who bonded with the au hunters, he was the one who brought them into the bunker and made it their home too. he was the one who felt their loss and the guilt that came with it. he took that all on himself. he carries the weight of every mistake he’s made, every life he’s taken or lost: he carries them with him with each passing day.

the man has been tortured by the devil himself. he has been so traumatised and hurt that he has gone without sleep, gone without food or water, gone without comfort. he persevers because that’s all he knows how to do. he keeps going, keeps fighting even when he feels like he can’t. he is the reason that Dean is still fighting for the world. he is the reason Team Free Will is still together and fighting. he carries them along, another weight on his shoulders, and yet he bears it without complaint.

because he cares. because he has to keep going. because he knows that if he pauses, for even one moment, just to take a breath, he’ll shatter. the only thing he knows how to do is keep going. he has been trudging through his whole life, making his own way and growing.

and he has lost everything. everyone he loved : Jess, Sarah, Madison, Amelia, Rowena (don’t fight me on this, we know he loved her, regardless of whether or not it was romantic), and now Eileen: again. he has had to watch them die over and over, knowing that in loving him, they unwittingly signed their own deathwish. how anyone could keep going after that, keep trying, keep loving; it is his strength and determination that keeps him moving.

i just feel, that Sam Winchester; Lucifer’s vessel, “the boy with the demon blood”: he has suffered enough. he has given enough, he has cared enough, and he deserves peace. he has grown into the most selfess and kindhearted character, and made a family out of everyone he knows. he continues to hold people close and refuse to let them go, refuses to let them believe that they don’t deserve love. Sam Winchester is a beautiful character, and i honestly find it hard to put into words how much he means to me.

[eatdrinkandraisealittlehell]

The package arrived at Sam’s front door on Dean’s birthday.

It was unaddressed, unmarked at all except for the three letters of his name scrawled in black marker on the top. His wife brought it in to him in the kitchen, having almost tripped on it as she’d been leaving for work. She handed him the package, reminded him to eat something, kissed him with a look of sympathy when he mustered only a faint reassurance, and left him in peace for the day. 

In the ensuing silence of the little kitchen, Sam shook himself, determined not to wallow in grief no matter how easy it would be. He wasn’t really conscious of what he was doing, just desperate for some sort of distraction, as he used a small knife to cut through the packaging tape holding the cardboard secure. He mostly expected the box to contain something from work, some stack of papers some colleague had dropped off for him to go over; it was possible but less likely that it was something related to his other Job. Hunters still called for advice these days, letters and packages sometimes arrived full of case info or random objects for him to examine, but that was becoming less and less common as the months went on, as word travelled that the great Sam Winchester was officially retired. That part of his life was over now, had been since That Night. He tried not to think about it for too long, especially today when Dean would’ve been another year older.

A folded sheet of paper sat on top of the pile of foam peanuts. When Sam unfolded it, he sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and could only stare in frozen shock for a moment at the handwritten message.

Please don’t be afraid. I’m taking care of him until you’re together again. You can do this. I think these will help until it’s over. I still love you.

-Jack

Tears were already glinting in Sam’s eyes when he dropped the note and dug with shaking hands into the foam peanuts, flinging a few to the floor to join the little paper. His fingers grasped a rectangular object and he pulled it out, only to find himself staring dumbly in disbelief.

The single word printed dramatically across the front was a little unnerving, considering the near-tragedy Chuck’s writings had entailed. But this wasn’t a lame paperback book, and the figures on the cover weren’t crappy, cartoony renditions of him and Dean pasted on by a low-budget publishing company; they were real—photoshopped so that they were smoothed of all flaws and tinted an eerie cool blue, but real people nonetheless. 

It was his own face, from maybe fifteen or sixteen years ago, when his hair fell in unkempt bangs across his forehead and his eyes still held some innocence of youth. But it was the other face that had Sam staring, biting his tongue unconsciously and forgetting to breathe. 

Dean.

It was Dean’s face looking directly at him from this impossible DVD cover, his brows slightly furrowed in that familiar intense stare and his scruff-peppered jaw set strong like his shoulders. He was younger too in this image, so much younger, when he barely knew himself yet or what he was capable of, but still he was just like Sam remembered him. It was difficult even to look at the pictures he kept of Dean, shoved into a shoebox in the top of his closet, but somehow this picture held no pain for him to see. Maybe it was the shock of it all, but all Sam could feel was some strange sort of knee-buckling relief.

Across the top were the words, “THE COMPLETE SECOND SEASON,” with a “2” standing out for clarity. The background was tinted that same deathly blue-green color with a cross-shaped gravestone visible between their shoulders. The Impala—which was now tucked safely away in his garage, never used—was centered in the bottom of the picture, headlights cutting through the misty darkness.

Sam’s hands were trembling so much he could hardly even maintain his hold on the object as he flipped it over, eyes skimming frantically over a melodramatic description of what “Season 2” entailed, along with a brief outline of “Special Features,” before settling on the smaller print at the bottom. The names “Jensen Ackles” and “Jared Padalecki” screamed a memory at him of a weird parallel-universe misadventure from long ago, but it was the pictures here that caught his attention too. 

His own eyes were turned inky black in one image, an apparent ghost girl in glowing light in another, and Dean…oh, god, Dean, again. In one picture his nose was bleeding from a fight. In another he stood looking into the camera again, positioned in front of Sam, arms crossed over his chest.

Sam tossed the DVD onto the counter and dug around desperately in the box again, this time pulling out the ninth season, featuring a sky of falling angels and Cas in the background behind himself and Dean. Then he found season twelve, the cover image bordered in flames around them (and Cas and Crowley) looking far cooler than they really were in all-black with the silhouettes of trees behind them. He pulled out box set after box set, until finally he had a pile of fifteen in all on the counter and a floor full of foam peanuts at his feet.

He tried to fight it—he really did—but he was home alone where no one could see to question the intensity of his reaction. So as he gazed with overwhelming emotion at the gift Jack had given him on today of all days, he finally let the tears spill over and the first tiny sob broke the long silence. He had to grasp the counter for balance with one hand as his hair fell in his eyes, and the other hand splayed over all the DVD box sets he could touch at once, his fingertips tracing Dean’s face on the Season 4 cover.

He wasted no time stumbling to his living room, barely able to see through the tears as he shoved the first disk in the player, barely able to press the “Play” button on the remote. He watched with bated breath as the first few scenes danced over his TV screen, again in awe at how impossible this should be. His dad, his mom, himself as an infant, Dean as a small child, Jess, faces of friends he hadn’t even thought about in decades now—they were all here, all recorded permanently on this disk from another world Jack had apparently restored just for him.

Then Dean was there, the Dean he remembered, and the sight of him all young and brash and leather-clad and absolutely ridiculous was like seeing the sun for the first time in months.

“I must’ve stood outside your dorm for hours,” the words flitted across his memory from That Night, and he laughed and cried at the same time as the Dean on the screen drawled, “I was lookin’ for a beer.”

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I would love for you to talk more indepth about the montage. To me it feels so off and weird. Almost like a parody? So many scenes in it are "funny" moments that just don't make sense in the context of an emotional overview of the road so far... (Like all the scenes where Dean is eating, Donna with donut dust on her face, Sam getting hit during the game show.) I don't know. Isn't the montage supposed to make me nostalgic, teary-eyed? This one definitely doesn't do it for me!

Here I am! Yes, I absolutely agree. The montage is Weird(TM). It’s kind of a tone rollercoaster. It’s very full of funny/silly moments, with some serious moments smacked in. And it definitely looks like... there’s something about it.

For an easier consultation I will reference the gifs I have made of the montage sequence here.

[Gif 1] It starts pretty much like I’d expect a Supernatural goodbye montage to start. The two brothers meeting for the first time in the pilot, a reminder of their childhood with John, their banter still from the pilot, a couple moments of them driving in the car in the first seasons, Dean saving Lucas in 1x03 which is the first Dean-heavy episode and also an extremely symbolic moment for Dean’s entire journey - just think at how Lucas as a mirror was still relevent during the “drowning” Michael possession arc. Everything feels normal so far. We’re starting from the beginning! Now--

[Gif 2] Interesting and weird choices start here. Them pretending to be high school teachers from After School Special 4x13 - actually a very iconic moment for the fandom, remember that post of Dean in shorts from that episode that you had to reblog when it came on your dash? (Actually I’m not sure if I ever reblogged it lol.) Dean celebrating getting young again from The Curious Case of Dean Winchester 5x07 (and Jensen showing off his agility). The two of them showing their FBI badges to Jesse Turner’s biological mother in 5x06. Dean mowing the lawn of Mary’s house in the Djinn dream and immediately after Jess and Sam kissing also in the Djinn dream, from What Is And What Should Never Be 2x20. Then Dean after killing the witch when he was under the memory loss spell, in Regarding Dean 12x11. Sam happy when they celebrate Christmas in A Very Supernatural Christmas 3x08. Them being “lucky” under the effect of the rabbit’s foot in Bad Day At Black Rock 3x03. Sam also happy in Baby 11x04.

Again the present, then the montage starts again with the water-related ghost from Red Sky At Morning 3x06, a Bela episode, and then Bela herself from her first episode, 3x03 again.

What do these moments have in common? Not all of them, but for many of them I’d say reality being manipulated. The Djinn dream, the rabbit foot, Dean’s aging, the Antichrist... and it’s not over yet. Also, them pretending to be teachers, agents etc - not “real”.

[Gif 3] The tone suddenly gets more serious and relevant to current events: Chuck in The Monster at the End of This Book 4x18 (eh). Death in Two Minutes to Midnight 5x21 (the first appearance of Death, while now we’ve had Billie’s last and a very short-lived new one), and then two major moments from Lazarus Rising - Dean emerging from the grave and finding the handprint on his shoulder. Crowley’s first episode, Abandon All Hope 5x10. Zachariah’s death in Point Of No Return 5x18. Anna from The Song Remains The Same 5x13, where she is the antagonist having been brainwashed successfully by heaven. Michael burning and Sam jumping in the cage with Michael in 5x22, then another moment from 4x01 (the brothers hugging after reuniting). A moment from The French Mistake 6x15 (reality fuckery again!). Sam in Frontierland 6x18.

[Gif 4] Reality fuckery continues with Becky marrying Sam in 7x08. Funnily enough, this is the peak of Becky’s obsessive behavior which she went to therapy for and grew away of - it definitely emphasizes how far Becky has come. Donna’s first appeance in 9x13. That iconic shot of Dean in Bloodlust 2x03 because he’s pretty. Charlie’s first appearance in 7x20 while she dances to Walking On Sunshine (relevant?), Kevin’s first appearance in 7x21 when he becomes a prophet (lots of firsts). Abaddon’s first appearance in As Time Goes By 8x12. Then there’s the first appearance of the bunker, in the next episode, a couple shots in fact. Then more 4x01, Ruby pretending to mistake Dean for the pizza man (eh). Then more present...

This section seems to be mostly “first appearances” - including Ruby’s s4 meatsuit, i.e. Genevieve’s first appearance.

[Gif 5] We suddenly jump to more recent events with Kelly and Jack in heaven in Byzanthium 4x08. Jack’s iconic hello from 4x16 Don’t Go In The Woods. Dean teaching Jack how to drive in 14x07 Unhuman Nature. But then we suddenly go from Jack things to something completely different on the surface: two consecutive moments from Changing Channels 5x08, including the iconic Nutcracker scene, and Sully from Just My Imagination. We are actually back to the previous theme: reality fuckery. Gabriel’s episode was about placing them in “television shows”, Sully, while real, is literally a child’s “imaginary friend”. And then... a moment from the cartoon part of Scoobynatural! It doesn’t get more reality fuckery than that. Oh, wait! Charlie and Dorothy going to Oz in 9x04. That’s a pretty strong contender. Dean being hit in the face by a fairy in 6x09 - also about a realm Dean briefly went to. And, in case we felt like we hadn’t gotten enough 4x01 yet, Pamela’s first appearance (her last, albeit a hallucination, was about the whole “How come you only want what you can't have?” thing).

[Gif 6] We continue again with a mixture of firsts and weird things. Ellen’s first appearance in 2x02, Dean and Cas in 4x18 (we saw Chuck from that episode earlier), Jody’s first appearance in 5x15 Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Rufus in 6x04 Weekend At Bobby’s (not his first but a good episode...), Garth in 9x12 Sharp Teeth (not his first but the first in which he is a werewolf and is married... relevant to recent lamp events??), Missouri in 1x09 (her first appearance).

Then Gabriel from 13x21 Beat The Devil (an episode where he plays a trick on Lucifer) and Rowena from the same scene (in fact a scene where they’re flirting).  Then Eileen coming back to life in 15x06 and smiling at Sam. Jo flirting with Dean in 2x02 - her first appearance, again. Funnily enough, she had been introduced as a love interest, but ended up being repurposed as a sisterly figure. Tempted to say it’s relevant in an ironic way. Mary in 14x11 Damaged Goods, when Dean has a goodbye mother-son moment with her. Amara in 11x09 Oh Brother Where Art Thou when she was looking for her brother. Then Lucifer in two different vessels (12x07 Rock Never Dies and 12x21, when Lucifer regains control over the vessel).

Then Metatron doing the find a wife make babies speech to Cas in 8x23! Relevant??? Dun dun dun. Then Ketch for some reason (the first episode where we see his face, 12x08 LOTUS).

[Gif 7] Then Jo/Anael in 13x13, another first appearance. (I cropped these horribly I should have cut them when the present happens lol.)

Sandwiched between two shots from the present, Dean Sam Mary and John having dinner together in 14x13 Lebanon.

Then we start again with Dean riding Larry in 12x11, Dean and Cas dressed as cowboys in 13x06 (mini pattern here...), Asmodeus with the archangel blade in 13x13 (insert meta about Asmodeus in Christian lore here), and the really intriguing “Intermission” shot from the play in 10x05.

[Gif 8] To continue a certain pattern we might be tempted to see, Dean eating piecake from 14x06 Optimism (an episode about a distorted version of romantic love), then Dean eating noodles from 10x13 Halt & Catch Fire (the ghost is a husband that passes on thanks to his wife). Dean after his dentistry session with Garth in 15x10. Meg from 6x10 Caged Heat (the episode with the pizza man porn). Dean and Sam investigating in 4x12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag (an episode about growing old poorly). Crowley in 10x16 Paint It Black (that episode). Dean playing that game in 14x17 Game Night (the episode Cas calls for God, and when Mary dies - the one playing the game was God...). Sam and Dean getting out of the car in 13x05 when they visit the traumatized kid (peak mourning Dean episode...). Then we go into reality fuckery territory again with 14x15 Peace of Mind, Sam under the psychic’s control and Cas disgruntled about it.

[Gif 9] Mick Davies from 12x16 Ladies Drink Free, when he learnt a lesson about monsters. Dean geeking out about the Hatchet Man - so heavy with mirror significances - in 14x04 Mint Condition. Belphegor - Jack’s dark mirror - in 15x03 The Rupture, the break-up episode. Donna’s first episode again, this time Dean and she eating donuts. Dean, Sam and Mary hugging in 12x22 after the confrontation in Mary’s head. Kaia in 13x09 The Bad Place, when Jack uses her to find the way to where Mary is (Mary pattern?). Claire&co rescuing Jody and Donna in 13x10 Wayward Sisters. Dean in 1944 dresses as a sailor in 11x14 The Vessel. Baby nyooming in 15x11 The Gamblers...

Aaand more Changing Channels, the genital herpes ad. It’s almost like reality fuckery is a theme. Followed by Sam drinking the anti-cold concoction at Garth’s in 15x10 and the two of them outside the monster fighting pit in the same episode. Then Cas, Dean, Sam and Jack on a video call with Ketch in 14x09 The Spear when they talk about the egg to trap Michael.

[Gif 10] We stay in the same episode with the four of them heading to Michael. Then the four of them celebrating Jack’s return to life (after Cas’ deal with the Empty). More present, and then the iconic “we’ve got work to do” [trunk closes] moment from the pilot.

So: some of these moments seem like genuine moments you’ll want to put in a montage, but there’s a weird predominance of characters smiling and looking happy or goofy. It’s kind of... not exactly representative of the show as a whole, you know? There are moments that fit as, you know, iconic steps in the story, but surprisingly few, and many moments you’d expect to be in a “final” montage are blatantly not there. Several moments with, let’s put it like this, suspicious meta connotations. Moments that, well, we don’t know what happens in the finale yet, but smell like they might be relevant to future developments. (Metatron’s speech to newly human Cas anyone?)

What really strikes me is the amount of moments connected to reality being manipulated or distorted in some way. Lots of Changing Channels, fantasy elements of various kinds (the Djinn dream, Scoobynatural, Oz, the imaginary friend Becky’s wedding to Sam, the fairy, ...), them acquiring luck (s3) or losing it (s15), and so on. It’s almost like the sequence is telling us something...

Thoughts?