#crusty burger

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 14, "It Should Have Been Lorelai"

Oh thank god! There's a Breather episode before the next Shitshow Circus episode, Lost and Found, which I still don't know if I'll even bother watching. Sure this episode has Christopher in it but I can tolerate him and I can tolerate his shitty annoying relationship with Lorelai because it's utterly meaningless to me. Someone rescue me from the back half of Season 2, it's a fucking nightmare. I didn't finish A Tisket A Tasket, because my blood pressure rises with each and every passive aggressive comment that comes out of Lorelai Gilmore's mouth and I just could not take it anymore. So anyhow, dk how it ended exactly, but it looks like Lor and Ror have made up after their "Jess is Bad News" fight. Whee. Phones and doorbells seem to ring constantly in this episode so throughout today's insane rambling I'm going to make a game out of guessing who's butting in to the Gilly Girl's lives. Feel free to play along. Rory: Let's sit at the counter. Lorelai: Oooh, we could sit at opposite ends and play bagel hockey! Luke: Just sit at a table. Lorelai: You're awfully rude to someone who only has two paying customers. Are those two paying customers in the bathroom right now? They're not you and Rory that's for sure. #PayLukeForYourFood RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL: #1. The phone rings at the diner and someone is asking for Rory which is weird. Is it Jess or Christopher? LOL, that's silly, Jess lives there. I bet it's Christopher.

Oop, swing and a miss for TWWGG.

Having not seen the ending of the last episode ,I must assume Lane has been grounded for 25 years for Talking To A Boy. And I was correct.

Lane: It's the mother of all groundings. I'm being home schooled for two weeks. I only have 5 minutes a day to talk on the phone. She's done everything but slap a Dr.Dre ankle bracelet on me. I know who Dr. Dre is but that was a topical reference that whoosed right over my head and I had to Google it. #DeepCut Lane: Give me some news. Rory: Dean's been working extra hours to save up for a new motorcycle so I hardly see him. She wants to you to tell her something interesting, not give her the Butthead News and Weather Report. Count your blessings that you're in a Dean drought. It's all a girl could ever ask for. To not see Dean Forrester for weeks.

I'm placing money on them bringing back this Dean Rides a Motorcycle nonsense that they haven't mentioned in a literal forever only because Christopher is coming back to town and also rides a motorcycle and the two clowns are going to bond over it like they did over softball (Dean never plays softball again after Christopher left). Then it will be promptly forgotten about again, and Dean will be back to having the personality of an amorphous blob, just blobbing about with no real hobbies, interests or passions besides stacking cans of string beans for mininimum wage and yelling at Rory. I've seen this show several times, but when an episode is this unmemorable* I can just while away my time making predictions about what's going to happen.

*unmemorable=Little to No DALA (dean and lorelai affair) or Jess Involvement Rory segues from "Butthead has been working overtime for weeks” straight into "Mom and I haven't done laundry in weeks" and doesn't explain why, which makes it sound like Dean had been doing their laundry until he started working overtime. He probably pockets Lorelai's panties. Time for a Where's Jess break? Where's Jess? (I think this is one of those episodes where they just stick him on at the end wiping down counters or something. PLEASE let it be on those episodes. PLEASE let it be a Counter WIping episode. I need a fucking break). RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #2 (doorbell this time) I bet it's Dean Dean Stacks The Stringbeans.

YAY! It's just Rory's lover, looking like a lost puppy dog. Oh, so I forgot to mention Rory and Paris are going to be in a debate at school and participating on the same team. *inhales deeply* Smell that? That's the smell of sweet, sweet, low stakes, No-Boy filler plot. How I missed ye. Paris shows up at the Gilly Girls house to see Rory under the guise of "we need more preparation before the debate/you need to learn to speak faster" in the same way that Dean shows up to "Change Lorelai's water bottle" or "Do her laundry".

Out Of Context Gilly GIrls Time for An Ancient Technology break! (ATB) Paris: I was making CD recordings from the cassettes I made of our mock debates... Say no more Paris, say no more. *basks in the gentle glow of Early 2000's Technology references* RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #3 (phone rings for Lorelai) Definitely has to be Christopher this time.

*deep shudder* Everytime Christopher says "Lor" and Logan says "Ace" an angel stubs their toe.

HOW CONVENIENT.

I really wish she would, my girl needs a break. Anyway Crusty is in town on business and so Lorelai invites Crustypher to Rory's debate and he accepts and my sweet summer child RoryGil is excited that her dad will be there (or so he says...) RINGING PHONE OR DOORBELL #4. Prediction: Dean. Second Place Prediction:Lane Again Third Place Prediction: Jess (Why do I keep assuming Jess is going to call Rory? That's so silly).

Lane wants Rory to pick up a new CD for her when she couldn't get Amazon to overnight it to her and again I'm just floored whenever this show reminds me that Amazon was around in 2002. Describe The Fathers on Gilmore Girls in 6 Words or Less. Go. Lorelai: Do you see Christopher anywhere? Sookie: Uhhh.no.

Brad is me slogging through Season 2 torture.

This looks like something straight out of the opening credits of a corny sitcom. "...Special Guest, Christopher Hayden as Sperm Donor/ Buttclown #2" *sitcom music plays*

Oh, Sherrie. Another innocent lamb lost to the clutches of a Gilmore World Man. Let us pray.

Another snapshot of my Season 2 torture. No Lorelai! Stop! it's okay! Please! I don't need to hear how Dean is tall and pretty again! I GET IT! Waaah. Rory and Paris win the debate. Rory to Christopher in an innocent, chipper, cheerful chipmunk voice that belies the deep seated trauma of being a child with an absent father: Dad, you came to see me! I'm not used to that! Christopher, not so much as blinking at his child calling him a deadbeat dad to his face, while smiling goofily: This is Sherry!

.....?!

Lorelai invites Crusty and poor Sherrie back to their house, and Christopher seems excited to see the house his daughter lives in since he never visits.

Out of context Gilly Girls My dear readers, I hope you one day find someone who looks at you the way Paris looks at Rory. Paris is crushed when Rory tells her she has plans with her deadbeat father and she won't be able to hang out with her post-debate and compare WPMs, braid each others hair, practice kissing...

My dear readers, I hope you one day find your person, the special person like Paris, someone who feels a deep, crushing sorrow n their heart when you tell them you have other plans even though you'll see them at school again in less than 24 hours, causing them to lash out at you like they're fooling anybody with their Oh Whatever That's Just Fine'ing. Ror and Lor rush home and Lorelai says there is no food in the house again except leftover cheese & crackers and Halloween candy. Lorelai does not feed her child or do laundry. In addition to every character on this show needing the services of a competent therapist and accountant, The Hollow needs a visit from Child Protective Services. For pennies a day, you can sponsor a starving child, a poor innocent soul forced to subsist on crackers, candy, coffee and greasy diner food. Your donation will also go towards the purchase of laundry detergent for this smelly unwashed family. Jess’ mother never cooked either so I guess that’s another argument for Literati Soulmates! That special bond over shared Child Neglect!

Sherry showers Rory with compliments and invites her shopping, but then isolates Lorelai and says this...weirdness: Sherrie: I just want you to know you shouldn't feel like you have to get to know me. At all. Just because Christopher and I are close doesn't mean we need to be close, or friends, or anything for that matter. But i desperately want to get to know Rory. Ummm..the audacity to say something like that to the mother of your boyfriend's child 30 minutes after you meet her after she invited you into her home and offered you apple juice? And you "desperately" want to get know his child? This is shady. Sherrie: You know, if we didn't meet unexpectedly today, we'd probably never meet. Because your boyfriend never visits his daughter, right. Sherrie: Rory is so important to him. He is obsessive about his "call dates" to her! No matter where we are what we're doing he has to call her every Wednesday at 7pm! I like that about him! To be so blissfully ignorant and delusional and actually believe what Christopher says! Oh honey. It's like she's got the soft outer shell of Rory but also hangs on to whatever bullshit spews forth from the piehole of an immature worthless manboy pissbaby like Lorelai does whenever Dean speaks. Sad that the best Rory can expect from Crusty is one "call date" per week and I absolutely don't believe even he's even doing that, Sherrie's been brainwashed, but hey! At least he's better than Jimmy Mariano. I guess? #BattleOfTheDeadbeats

Sherry after Crusty happily admits to her that he was (is) a deadbeat dad:

First Rule of Gilmore World: Never trust a Gilmore World man when he says he's trying to change. Never ever. Lorelai says "he's been doing very well with it" just to placate Sherry when honestly she should be shoving this Sherrie woman out the door already and telling her to never come within 100 miles of her or her child again.

She goes on to say that she needs Rory for something very important, she needs her tonight, there is something so pressing and urgent that Rory needs to be excused from FND for this yet unknown Extremely Pressing Urgent Event and she needs her ALONE. This is verging into very concerning territory. Lorelai should be highly concerned. Lorelai, I am concerned that you don't seem more concerned and you agreed to let your teenage daughter go to an unknown place alone with this woman you just met. RINGING PHONE/DOORBELL #5 This call is recieved at the Gilly Girl house while they're with Christopher and Sherry. Okay, I'm clueless for this one. I have to say Lane again, there's no one else. Emily? Dean just because he hasn't shown up to ruin this respectable Breather episode yet?

LOL! That was fun. I chuckled. Rory is going to this unknown thing with Sherrie which is a setup Christopher to go with Lorelai to FND by themselves. Okay, before I conclude part 1 of this commentary (which has already taken several hours and I still have 20 minutes left) I am DYING to see why this Sherrie wants to isolate Rory and I hope it's not gruesome. Rory Gil, we hardly knew ye.

RoryGIl's about to become the hostage here. Blink twice if you need help. My only guess for why Sherry needs to isolate Rory so badly, will be something about asking her for blessing to marry Crusty or something. I really don't know. Neither Lor nor Rory has asked Sherry or Christopher where Rory will be going. RING RING! #6 (as the Gily Girls are getting dressed for FND/ for Rory to be lead to a gruesome end by a child kidnapper) Well it has to be Crusty or Sherry this time. Who else? LANE AGAIN!!! LOL.

THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. I need the phone to ring a seventh time! Sherry and Christopher arrive and finally mention that Sherry will be taking Rory to a movie (then buttering her up with popcorn before she meets a gruesome fate at the hands of a child kidnapper). With Rory out the door, Christopher and Lorelai are alone and Crusty attemps to gastlight Lorelai, probably hoping it'll get him into her pants. L: Was Sherrie with you when I called you? Crusty: She's been with me the whole time. L: You gave me no indication she was with you. C: I must have. L: No, singular pronouns all the way. C: Now I don't remember what I said. L: I do. You said, "I'll be there." Just you. C: I guess I may have said that but I wasn't making a point of saying that. Okay, I am pulling my very, very, very rare and worthless Christopher Card because he just said something not enough people say to Lorelai and it delighted me.

Bahahahaha you're such a prick but it's so true! Lorelai is such a judgemental bitch! More people should say it to her face! Bahahaha! For this one fleeting moment in time you're not so Crusty after all. I'm out of space for screen shots but I MUST KNOW WHERE RORY WENT and I will not cease or yield until we get there. Lorelai attempts to gain some clarity from Crusty on why Sherrie was acting like a fucking weirdo to her in the kitchen. Lorelai: Oh good, you weren't trying to have me killed or anything. Crusty: I was just going over my People To Kill list and you weren't on it.

Ha...ha? Lorelai, I am once again concerned by your lack of concern over certain comments that are very concering, WHERE IS RORY!!! IS SHE OK?! Christopher has a lot of F U C K I N G A U D A C I T Y to try and guilt Lorelai into feeling bad that she didn't consider Christopher's role in Rorys life while she was dating Max, um I'm sorry which one of you is the deadbat here? I tried to write "Deadbeat" but dead-bat has certain charm as well. Crusty wonders why Max was able to get closer to Rory but he should be made to feel bad that he wants Sherry to spend time with her. Doofus, it could be because Rory LIVES with Lorelai and also Max was also her English teacher that she saw 5 days a week? And you're just a dead-bat. Every other male in Rory's life including Kirk and Paul Anka have been better father figures to Rory than you have. WHERE IS RORY!!! WHAT IS SHERRY DOING WITH HER? I'm skipping past Judgy and Doofus at a Looooong and surely pointless FND Dinner scene and going straight to the next scene with Rory.

I...uhhhhh...Um. Surely Lorelai will be very concerned over this very concerning statement which should concern her. SURELY, you can put aside your little quips for just a moment when your daughter tells you she just spent the evening with a touchy feely adult stranger. Right, Dog Sweater? RIGHT?

Ugh. In addition, Sherrie confided in Rory (still a total stranger to her and a child who she took out alone hours after meeting her) a concerning amount of details about her personal life, including the details of all of her past relationships. Sherry was acting way too weird to not have some kind of ulterior motive but Rory is just not being very helpful at all in regards to what it is yet, and I want to shake her I'm so frustrated. But my eyes are bleary and my hands are cramping up and I can't continue. In part 2, I'll unpack this highly disturbing conversation some more and hopefully get to the bottom of this Sherrie Weirdness.. Goo night!

[crabfisher]

a powerful kitty cat named chen entertainment cheese..

chen entertainment cheese...

[kingofmeatballs]

This fucking guy

The scrung

[imperaptorfuriosa]

kitchen nightmares episode where gordon goes to the krusty krab

[heart-bones]

I got myself a monitor out of spare parts at the office - tell me why I came home and decided I had to arrange all of my furniture again Just So in order to make the ideal space for it instead of just...setting it down and waiting until the weekend

[reythenerdypisces]

things that I overlooked in PJO the first time / small, funny things I noticed during my reread

Part 1: The Lightning Thief

All I could think of was that the teacher's must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room. oh he was one of those guys

"I believe that was question 38 on your final exam..." He [Chiron] looked at me as if he actually expected me to remember question 38. once a teacher always a teacher

A strange fire burned in my stomach. The weirdest thing was: it wasn't fear. It was anticipation. The desire for revenge. We got a hint of dark Percy in book 1

I'd been afraid he [Luke] might resent me for getting so much attention the last few days. But here he was giving me a magic gift... It made me blush almost as much as Annabeth. tell me again this boy did not have a crush on Luke

The game ended when I tossed the apple toward Grover and it got too close to his mouth. In one mega goat bite, our Hacky Sack disappeared - core, stem, and all. Grover blushed. He tried to apologise, but Annabeth and I were too busy cracking up. I love moments of them being able to just be kids

She [Annabeth] loved reading so much, I'd forgotten she was dyslexic, too. I think the fandom forgets this too

Annabeth muttered to me, "Circus caravan?" "Always have a strategy, right?" Percy is so smart and so good at thinking on his feet, I'm tired of the fandom treating him like he's dumb

I was feeling satisfied after the burger, and a little sleepy, and I figured the least I could do was try to make small talk with our hostess. He's so sweet. Even if the host was Medusa

"I hate Australia! Naming that ridiculous animal after me [Echidna]." As someone currently living in Australia, this cracked me up.

I whistled. "You have evil thoughts for a goat." "Why, thank you." I love Grover and Percy and their friendship, very under appreciated

"I'm Crusty," he said, with a tartar-yellow smile. I resisted the urge to say, Yes you are. he's hilarious

A steely look of anger flared in my mother's eyes, and I thought, just maybe, I was leaving her in good hands after all. Her own. I also love Sally Jackson

that's all, I'll be back for sea of monsters :)

[shotmrmiller]

Okay but, this is fun! (When I was a server? I wore short skirts, stockings and heeled boots. They let me wear them, I had no joy in my life. So? I dressed up my uniform to make myself happy at the sacrifice of my feet at the end of shift.) I don’t miss it but, I had fun as a server.

Running up to the bar and whispering to Johnny to ‘look at table 4’ because the lady sitting there is recovering from a bbl and has bandages *holding* her butt up. (True story)

Any bit of gossip, you beeline back and Simon’s already waiting like ‘wots happenin’ now?’

Making faces at Johnny as you take someone’s order to show you’re displeased.

Whining to Simon ‘it’s that guy who sends everything back to get it comped again!’ When he hears someone sent the wings back… *again*

Snickering openly as Johnny is stuck with 2 horny old ladies at the bar and making faces at him when the customers aren’t looking to mock him.

Standing with Johnny at the bar and quietly conversing. “Nae way, that’s her father’ ‘I’m telling you! Crusty dusty with his side dish!’

Quickly squeaking behind Simon when shit looks like it’s going to get real in a few seconds. ‘Oh, that local crack head is back- Simon! Great to see you!’ *quickly scoots behind him* and just like- ‘hi!’ And peaking around him like he’s a s.w.a.t shield

Having to shoo Johnny away from the food Simon made you- ‘yea left it unattended!’ ‘This is the only food I’ve had in the past 6 hours! Simon! He’s eating my food!’ ‘She lies!’

Going to Simon with puppy dog eyes when you can’t open a jar-

Johnny plonking his butt down in the booth you’re rolling silverware in and not leaving even when you try and shoo him away to tend to the bar- the boss is glaring at me! He’s getting mad at me! Move your butt before I get in trouble because of you!’

Price being the manager that lets you get away with murder. If it makes you happy? He’ll turn a blind eye as long as you do your job. That goes for the other two knuckle heads… with you around? Johnny’s not fucking the customer base as often, leaving less upset girls coming in and making scenes when he inevitably doesn’t call them back. And Simon is fighting less, taking less smoke breaks (saving them for later) and making more orders properly (so you don’t get flack for it) so, he’ll turn a blind eye to what they’re doing to you… not that he isn’t doing it himself.

Trauma bonding from the shit job makes you real close that it kind of- makes you ignore when they get too handsy? ‘They’re still the guys, it’s fine’

(Bistro Huddy is so accurate it’s painful…)

(Dubious *not really* consent: Being trapped in the out of the way supply closet in the far back where no one goes. Your shift ended an hour ago but, you’re stuck; bent over an old chair stored there. Price zips up his pants- before you can stand back up again Simon’s stepping in where Price is stepping out and pushing you to bend back over the chair again. -Johnny running in for a quickie whenever he can- By the time the guys close up? You’re sore, gaping, leaking, overstimulated, and sniffling. And they’re all drawing straws who get’s to take you home and ‘take care of you’ so you’ll show up to your shift tomorrow.…I can’t do nsfw to save my life… I’m sorry, lol)

(Thought of this at the end but, Server Gaz?)

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

YOU WRETCH (affectionate, oh so affectionate i could kiss you)

THAT THE LAST BIT

OHHH MAN IM SCRREAMINGGGGUH

chile. having to give your receipts and the 3% you owe to price always ends up with his spend soaking your knickers :/ he prob knows your body better than you do, clever fingers making you peak before he does because yall (he) doesn't have the luxury of time on yalls (his) side. (not the other servers banging on the door because theyre just trying to go home)

imagine running to kyle because he seems to be the only sane one. you tried to eat lunch with him that one time in the back but it ended up with you cockwarming him as you attempted to pathetically eat your burger. (he hadn't even touched you and you'd come twice. poor you, so pent up from the week's frustrations. wait til simon hears about this.)

johnny doesn't hear about it but feels it once he finds you in the corner booth no one uses except the waiters who close, tiredly doing the silverware. his hands make quick work of your apron and the button on your jeans, pads of his fingers lightly catching your clit and dipping into your entrance but surprise surprise. wet. slick.

he mutters in your ear if it was price or simon that's left a mess behind but kyle's sitting a couple tables down from you counting his tips. that'd be me, sorry.

he's not sorry.

simon would be the type to scoop up his seed with his thick fingers and stuff it back into your used cunt talkin bout take that with you like it's a box to go lmao

[mowu-moment]

ranking food tokens by how much personally i want to eat them

- Throne of Eldraine -

i have reason to distrust this meat pie thing, not only because of its wails of anguish but it also seems to have burst a bit in the oven. still not honestly opposed, at least the dishes are clean. 5/10.

how does one unpeel a curly banana? why are there sliced-open fruits on what appears to be a stone in the woods? where is the light coming from? i'm going to be taken by the fae and it's not even gonna taste too good while i'm at it, these things look dirty. but idk i don't mind someone else taking the wheel of my life rn. 2/10.

again, concerns about the floor food, but at least it looks more like some deliverygirl got eaten by a wolf and dropped her basket than a trap. someone already took a bite, though, maybe i should leave it be. 4/10

i have been invited to the Goblin King's Feast and while i don't fully agree with his choices i will certainly partake. boar looks wonderful apart from the hair. 7/10

- Commander 2020 / Strixhaven Commander -

i'm pretty sure cattails are poisonous to humans (not to mention the actual poisons in there) so i unfortunately can't oblige gyome's swamp soup. that crusty bread looks pretty nice though. i'll pick this thing apart like high school cafeteria lunch. 3/10.

- Modern Horizons 2 -

i at least know who cooked this one, and i trust asmor a decent bit, but this is still food for demons, so maybe it's not too good for me. goddamn do i wanna know what it tastes like though. 4/10.

- Unfinity -

i'm considering these two together. as a filthy american, i am allured by these fat-filled foods, but as a lad with a tiny stomach, i doubt i could eat enough to feel good about not wasting it. astrotorium's about excess, goddamn. the only funfair burger i've had was the best thing i had eaten in months, but it also made me ill the rest of the day. i really do want some infinity fries though, those look like the golden mean between a steak fry and a curly fry. 6/10.

- March of the Machine Commander -

meanwhile this looks like a texture nightmare. like i respect it, i imagine it's filling and fulfilling, but i don't think i ever could eat more than a bite or two. bread looks a little worse than gyome's but only a little. 5/10.

- Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle-Earth -

my white ass loves a charcuterie board. and i'm not going to be intimidated out of it by not eating enough, since it's all in snack-sized bits already. definitely gonna overindulge this sucker. i'm nervous about some of those spreads though. 9/10.

this looks like i'm in a dream, is it actively cooking? or still hot? i can't identify what's in that pan anyway. i'm leaving it alone out of respect. wouldn't mind a drink though. 2/10.

this is not food. for humans. 0/10.

- Wilds of Eldraine -

this is a king's feast i am properly intimidated by. i'm more into it than the Goblin King's, particularly that triple-layer blueberry pie or whatever that is, but i'm going to have to be as polite as possible lest i get a face full of flaming beer. 8/10

i'll probably be eaten before this can eat me, and it barely looks like food, but at least i go down with sugar in the mouth. 1/10.

ogh. that egg looks divine. the bread looks amazing, there's a full glass, i've got like beans or mermaid tears everywhere. we've even got seasonings back there. the best damn breakfast i'll ever have. 10/10.

i would still probably eat this over nothing. there's onion, at least. i will either be hexed or violently ill, but like i could at least get it down. and maybe the witchmother is testing my strength and she'll reward me after slurping an eyeball. a convenient lie to tell myself. 2/10.

- Doctor Who Commander -

y'know, four, i think i would like a copyrighted candy. they look sad and british, which is on point. but like it's not actively killing me like half of these. i think anyway. i don't know doctor who. 6/10.

what is this? i have no idea. custard? raw batter? giant dunkaroo? is he dipping fishsticks? it doesn't look like it's done cooking, like do we need to put it in a fryer again? i'd say it's inedible but it's not poison stew so i have to be nice. 4/10.

get AWAY from me. this is a PERSONAL vendetta. i would rather try to eat spiderwebs. plus he's already eaten half of it. -10/10.

- Fallout Commander -

i can't be too mean since this is literally apocalypse food. i think i prefer this over poison stew? like i recognize it at least, even if it's foul and moldy. man has to eat something. 3/10

i'm not convinced there's actual soda in here. is this just a perspective shot or is this a giant prop soda? i don't like cola anyway. again, worth it in an apocalypse i suppose. 4/10

this soda i trust even less. it glows? does this give me magic powers in the fallout world or does it just kill me slowly? i think it'll kill me slowly anyway. i need fluid to survive in apocalypseland but damn i hate for it to come to this. 2/10.

[toysrguts]

MORE jeff hc's!!!!!!

thank u for the love on the last one i love writing these sm ^___^

•can fit like 11 cigarettes in his wide ass mouth at once

•half asian (his mom is chinese)

•his hair is really thin because it never grew back properly after being burned

•hates being wrong more than anything else on the planet. sometimes he knows hes wrong but will NEVER admit it and fight to the death over it

•bpd representation 💯💯💯

•something in my brain tells me he cant die. kind of like a johnny the homicidal maniac situation. he never gets caught and he never dies (he can still get seriously injured but he will always come back when u least expect it)

•always has to be in control of the aux in every vehicle hes in and is so obnoxious when his favorite songs come on

•also yells "I SAW THIS LIVE" every time a band he saw live comes on

•barks at random unsuspecting people through the open passenger window

•always stealing shit off his victims after killing. he has a whole ring collection because of it, and of course he steals wallets for weed money

•also steals from slenderman but you didnt hear that from me

•"saying jeff is a douchebag is like saying the sky is blue." -toby

•kind of guy that takes out his bottled up emotions on everyone around him and then hates himself for it

•wears the same gross outfit all the time. just grabs one of the 3 pairs of crusty skinny jeans from off his floor and of course the musty ass dirty ass torn apart ass hoodie

•smile dog is truly his best friend. he feels like nobody understands him like smile does. he loves taking him for walks in the woods while smoking a cigarette and having deep conversations with him (not that he actually responds but jeff knows smile can understand what hes saying)

•horror movie enthusiast, from obscure fucked up ones to super cheesy ones. he has a whole shelf dedicated to his horror movie collection

•has an addictive personality, which is partially why he has a drug and alcohol abuse problem and struggles with self harm

•rarely goes out in public because hes known to have violent outbursts. he once committed mass murder at a burger king because people were looking at him weird and EJ had to drag him out of there before the cops showed up

•HATES the light he literally duct taped over his windows so the light couldn’t get in (he forgot blackout curtains exist)

•his room smells like pennies, skunk weed, and foot stank

•is actually an incredible artist but acts like hes not. literally everyone loves his work except for him

•secretly loves cartoons. he loves taking bong rips and watching scooby-doo to escape reality :)

•has never had a healthy relationship with anyone in his life, usually just sticks to hookups

•its a miracle this man is still alive considering he survives off gas station snacks and week old sodas that have been sitting on his nightstand

•speaking of he once drank an old dr pepper after he forgot he put out a cigarette in it

•got a tramp stamp when he was blackout wasted

•writes random thoughts and draws little doodles all over his bedroom walls; it kind of looks like a mental asylum in there

•also his bed is literally just a blood stained mattress on the floor with no sheet and a singular pillow and blanket

•so fucking broke he will do anything for a hundred bucks

•writes the most foul hate comments under every post he disagrees with

•he loves video games, his favorite being postal 2 (hes OBSESSED)

[tiyoin]

Floyd would prob like watching Spongebob.

HAHAHA OMG YES

YES

i can just imagine floyd running into it on day while internet surfing.

at first i think he’s like “…ha” kinda like a ‘oh my god this is so funny but i didn’t expect it to be’

but then time goes on and he def thinks about it, like a LOT. and of course, our poor leech falls victim to the ‘spongebob binge phase’ and just obsessively watches spongebob!!

AND THE FACT THAT IRS SEA THEMED MAKES IT SOOO MUCH BETTER TO EL OH ELL

there’s def a few times he related with some of the scenes too 😭

i can kinda see him as a patrick guy??? or maybe even a spongebob guy🤔 WAIT I THINK HED LIKE SQUIDWARD BECAUSE HE FINDS HIM RELATABLE (in bad moods) AND SCHEMES FUNNY… or maybe even plankton 😳(idk)

tell me or tell me that floyd would fuck with azul by telling him there’s this rival establishment with THEE best burgers ever.

obviously azul is confused because he’s the one and only restaurant / lounge at night raven college. only for floyd to snicker with a ‘not anymore’

and ofc azul is like: take me there!

and floyd is like: mmm no.

but now azul is on the hunt for a place called ‘the crusty crab’ and wants to know if anyone has a ‘krabby patty’ 💀

ofc azul gets laughed out of his socks by others from the sheer desperation of needing to know about this krabby patties ‘secret formula’ 😭😭

*azul slowly merges into plankton*

floyd is HOWLING with laughter as azul comes storming into the monstro, his cold blood turning his once porcelain cheeks aflame with the fires hotter than hell. so hot that it turned him into a blueberry.

“floyd-“

floyd flops a suspicious burger onto and even more suspiciously placed plate dab smack in front of azul. he looked at azul, then to the burger before fixing him a a crooked smile. “heard you were hound’s fer one of these guys.” he pushed the plate closer to him causing a droplet to fall from a red, thin tomato slice.

“is- is that-“

“a krabby patty? yeah.” he shrugs, leaning closer onto the cabinet to watch azul’s mouth drop with disbelief.

he grabs the burger bringing it up to azul, “i managed to get the last one for the day, impressive since they sell out so fast” floyd watched azul attempt to speak, but he just bit into the burger.

he moaned on faux delight. “hmm n it’s so good too.”

“floyd!” azul gasped, attempting to lunge for the burger. on cue floyd stumbled back, fingers loosening their grip in the burgers soft, golden patty.

cinematically, the once unified burger slowly started falling apart as it raced like raindrops to the floor.

with a sad squelch, the lettuce, tomato, pickles- alotta pickles, onions the burger and the most important ingredient. the secret one. all fell to the floor.

azul could only gap in despair as the elusive ‘krabby patty’ now laid ruined on the floor. he was desperate, yes, he first and foremost- he was a gentleman.

“floyd you- you!!”

“relax ‘zul, i’ll just get you ‘nother one”

“how?? because i can’t seem to find this ‘krusty krab’ anywhere! it’s nowhere on campus, no where on sage isle, and nowhere under water!!”

floyd could only laugh. oh my god. how can someone be so smart and yet so dumb at the same time.

“don’t worry,” he sniffed “i know a guy😼”

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam. If you're so inclined, could you recommend a few 'must eat' places in Downtown Chicago? My hotel will be near the Red Line (Grand station) and I'm fine walking a good 10 minutes for awesome food. I'm planning my trip and trying to put together a few food places for lunch and dinner and such. Pizza, burgers, bbq, donuts, steak, sushi..., I'm flexible!

You know, honestly, I don't eat out much anymore so I'm not sure where the best places to get a bite are. I'm going to make some recommendations but they're about to be a mixture of "If you come to Chicago this is somewhere everyone goes" and "This is somewhere Sam personally likes to eat but which you may not go for." :D

So, if you're at Grand, you are pretty much on top of the Weber Kettle Grill. Weber Kettle Grill does GREAT grill food and my parents always want to eat there when they come into town. If you ask to sit at the chef's table, you'll be seated at what looks like a bar, but it also looks all the way down the row of giant indoor grills the chefs use to cook the food. If you want something quieter and less busy they also have a fairly large dining room.

If you want a real Chicago experience, there's a Portillo's pretty close to you (that one's called "Portillo's & Barnelli's"); Portillo's is a local chain that does burgers, dogs, and crucially Italian Beef. Italian Beef is my go-to Chicago food for people who (like me) don't want to eat Deep Dish Pizza. It's a crusty roll filled with shredded braised beef; you can get it with sweet peppers, hot peppers, or no peppers (they might call it "giardinera" which is the local term for the pepper relish they use). If you get it "dipped", once the sandwich is made it's dunked in a flavorful jus before being wrapped up; if you don't like wet bread I'd skip this, but I love it. If you REALLY don't like wet bread, maybe get a Chicago Style hot dog instead. Portillo's is also famous for being The Place Where they make you a milkshake with an entire slice of chocolate cake in it. You can also just get a slice of cake, which is fantastic.

There's also an Al's Italian Beef near you if you want a more local experience. Locals absolutely can and will eat at Portillo's, the food's not better at Al's, it's just a bit more tourist-friendly than Al's tends to be.

If you want that true authentic Chicago deep dish experience (pie crust filled with cheese and then topped with sauce) Pizzeria Uno and Pizzeria Due are very close by; they vie for the dubious honor of having invented the deep dish pizza. I can't recommend it, but if you want it, hit one of those.

If you're not from the midwest and would like to sample a decent approximation of Detroit style deep dish (thick bready crust topped with cheese and then sauce) Jet's Pizza likely delivers to your hotel. I can't recommend going to a Jet's, many of them don't have anywhere to sit and eat, and for a pizza joint they're a bit costly, but it's very good pizza. My Detroit friends say it's a perfectly acceptable pie by their standards.

Volare Ristorante is a nearby hidden gem if you're in the mood for upscale Italian; I really like their pasta, but they are on the pricier end. If you're walking east on Grand to get there, you do have to go under Michigan, and you will likely fear that you will be stabbed and left for dead in this weird underground cavern, but I promise you, it's smelly but safe.

Goddess And The Baker and Beatrix are both good places to pick up breakfast. If you wish to glimpse Hell, the Starbucks Roastery at Michigan and Erie is one of the largest buxes in the country (possibly the world?) and is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE to navigate, but it's certainly an experience.

If you're venturing into the Loop, Russian Tea Time is a fun place to have afternoon tea and the a la carte food is also quite good; they're very close to the Art Institute. There's not much to eat if you're going to the museum campus, and my favorite Greek place closed down, but Minghin Cuisine is a good Chinese place (I've eaten there) and AO Hawaiian Hideout is supposedly some of the best Chinese in the city (I have not eaten there).

If you are craving Chinese, you can also catch the Red Line directly to the Chinatown stop and browse, I've never had a bad meal in Chinatown. When you get off the train, if you go north to the station exit with only stairs, you can exit, look left, and see the "new" Chinatown that's basically an outdoor mall; if you go south to the escalator exit, once you leave turn right and you'll see the big pagoda entrance to "old" Chinatown, which is more shops than restaurants. New Chinatown has some excellent bakeries, and also a Korean fried chicken place, Bonchon, that's extremely good. Usually when I take friends we go to Joy Yee which has a huge menu and also bubble tea.

As a final plug I'll list The Berghoff, which is in the loop (off the Jackson Red Line stop); it's pretty hefty German cuisine, all excellent food, and also is a top notch place to take anyone with gluten issues -- the owners have a kid with a gluten intolerance and the restaurant has an exceptional gluten-free menu with unusually strict protocols to prevent cross-contamination in the kitchen.

And if you want to get a little baked first, you are pretty close to Sunnyside dispensary, which is a very nice dispensary with super friendly people. If you take the Red Line to Roosevelt or are in the area, Grasshopper Club is less expensive, just as friendly, and Black-owned, and they've been my go-to for a couple of months now. At either one you can walk-in to speak to a budtender about what you'd like, or you can preorder online, but be aware that there are limitations on what out-of-staters can purchase. Having sampled most of the gummies out there, I'd recommend Mindy's (any flavor is good but the black cherry is my preferred). Do bring ID, you will be carded.

I hope you enjoy Chicago! If you have more questions feel free to hit me up here or at copperbadge@gmail.com if you'd like to have more of like, a dialogue :) Have fun and eat well!

[leclercskiesahead]

Carlos answers fan questions on DAZN for the Spanish Grand Prix:

Legend: fan question Carlos’ answer [interviewer input]

Who will win the Euros?

A: Spain……or France

What shampoo do you use to get that hair? What an amazing hair!

[Let’s see him show his hair!] (he was wearing the cap and the interviewer was trying to get him to take it off for the qn)

A: People are going to kill me because…well first of all, I don’t want to advertise any shampoo. Let’s see if any shampoo wants to sponsor me/my hair…the hair that everyone in F1 wants/loves…[they (the shampoo brands)] are welcome. But I'm a disaster, I don’t have a hair routine. There are times I use the shampoos in hotels. The only thing I try is I only shampoo once a day. I shower 3 to 4 times a day but I don’t wash [my hair] 3 or 4 times because it’s too loose(/free/detatched) and I don’t like it.

[Everyone has their secret, that’s your secret. Okay. Get your hair wet but without shampoo.]

Sí, correcto.

What are three things you would take with you to a desert island?

A: Does food count as an object? Lots of food - a hamburger, company - a dog counts as an object no? Can’t you bring a bit of company?

[Well you choose]

And a phone so they can rescue me.

[So a phone, hamburgers, and your dog.]

So I’m on the island for a while, eating with my dog alone, then I call someone to look for me.

[a phone with coverage]

Yes yes of course. Please.

If you could add a circuit to the calendar, which would it be?

A: Macao, where I competed in F3…oof it’s difficult eh? I don’t know if like…Laguna Seca…some strange circuit. You know, a circuit…

[And then stay a while in California]

Something like that

[I like this next one because I didn’t know what a smashburger was…I’ve already been told I’m old.]

Normal hamburger or smashburger?

A: Smash has become very fashionable. I tried one the other day in New York and it won me over. I have a restaurant called Boogie Burgers, we are trying to do it, ours is not very good. But the one I tried in New York surprised me. I used to be less of a smash [fan] and it converted me more to smash.

[With smashburger it’s more crushed]

Crushed, and more [crusty].

[gaymurdersalad]

Peter... How are you doing mentally? Scale from 1-10. :3

>oh, what the heck is it now, emplo—

>… oh. oh! you’re just checking in? uhm…

>you know, employee, it’s honestly been a solid 6/10. erm… 5/10. yeah, a 5/10.

>because on one hand, i am out of bakersfield. yay! but on the other, head is still a phone. nay. on another more radioactive hand, i get to see my wife again… and i have a house with her, too! employee, did i tell you what we named our dog? she’s one of those little crusty white dogs, we found her in a dumpster by a candy’s burgers and fries. her name is randy! i don’t know why it came so naturally to me, but the aura of pure pity this dog has, man… very striking as a “randy” to me.

>… apologies for the tangent, employee. thank you for listening. oh, whoops. i forgot i was on hold with the health department. get back to work, employee.

>yes, hi— no, no mister, i assure you, it wasn’t blood or mucus dripping from the robots, erhm… what was it? um… uh, wouldja stop asking me if i just cashapped you forty faztokens?

[your-fathers-favourite-daughter]

Reading cod ghost fan-fiction while jazz music plays overhead in the airport as I wait for my flight to board.

A lady eats a burger king burger as her crusty white dog sits growling in a small crate at her feet; groveling at its apparent lack of freedom.

A blonde older, lady with powdery tan eyeshadow is not-so-discreetly peeking over my shoulder to see what I'm typing.

My eyes are tired and my feet are aching as I think idly about whether I actually want to get better and be human at the same time. I begin to believe I can do both at the same time.

A man's voice crackles in the speakers announcing a flight boarding that is not mine.

An older lady with too much botox and a too fake wig talks loudly to a stranger about her daughter getting married and I wonder if she was talking so enthusiastically to this person she doesn't know because she has no one else to tell.

I wonder if I'll actually get it together when I reach my home. If this trip will actually serve as a renewal for productivity and health as all my last trips were meant to but ended up just failing.

I wonder if we'll go to In-n-out when we fly into Los Angeles like we always do. If me and my mom will get into an argument like we always do when we go to that In-n-out.

I wonder why I only notice the women in airports. I wonder why when I'm just day dreaming all men cease and it's only women, how terrible they might be.

[bucketspammer4life]

☆ Punch Out Boxers At The Beach ☆

WVBA beach episode (real)

Glass Joe

- has to apply a thick layer of sunscreen or he will regret it later

- people keep chucking beachballs at him & shooting him with waterguns

- made a sandcastle but it got knocked down :(

- keeps being thrown into the sea by anyone that can hold him

- keeps splashing people for fun

Von Kaiser

- also has to apply lots of sunscreen, adds a extra layer just in case

- Just floating on the sea, on his back, my mans flourishing

- that is until someone chucks a beachball at him

- hates how crusty he looks after getting out of the sea

- he has a grill & is currently making some burgers

Disco Kid

- uses sunscreen just in case the sun decides to be a little bit meaner

- at the cocktail bar, drinking drinks fruitier than him

- brought a snorkel so he can see all the fish & pretty shells

- collecting sea shells he found cool, Will hand them out randomly

- playing beach volleyball

- also splashing people

Piston Hondo

- making sure everyone has sunscreen on so nobody ends up with 3rd degree burn

- got jumpscared by a fish while deep diving

- made the best sandcastle ever

- hanging out with disco at the cocktail bar

- keeps tripping and getting a mouthful of sand because he forgot to take slippers & is using bear huggers extras that are way too big for him

King Hippo

- doesnt need sunscreen, somehow didnt get any burns, how? He wont spill his secrets

- hanging out near the shallows looking for cool rocks

- loves kaisers grilling

- keeps doing cannonballs & splashing everyone

Great Tiger

- got forced by piston hondo to wear sunscreen, he is thankful for that since the sun was scorching

- tried to protect joes sandcastle, failed miserably, Joe is still thankful

- playing beach volleyball with bull, don flamenco & aran ryan, uses his clones to get the ball back whenever it bounces away

- is the sand too hot for you & you forgot your slippers near the shore? No worries he'll get it for you

Don Flamenco

- used WAYYY too much sunscreen, out here looking like he got dipped in butter

- someone needs to stop him from ordering his 10th cocktail, sort of buzzed

- killing it while playing beach volleyball, bull is kinda concerned & but impressed

- victim of aran ryans watergun whether he likes it or not

- collecting sea shells & cool rocks for carmen : )

- tried surfing with Macho Man, almost drowned

Bear Hugger

- slightly burnt up & regrets not listening to hondo

- also slightly buzzed

- keeps doing cannonballs with King hippo, thinks its really fun

- trying to drift peacefully on his back but aran keeps annoying him

- tried to snorkel with disco but freaked out when seaweed touched his leg

- grilling with kaiser also

Aran Ryan

-BURNT, out here looking like a tomato & screaming in pain, don keeps whacking him on the back with a cold spoon whenever he acts like a dick

- grabbed disco kids leg while he was snorkeling & made him have a heart attack for a few seconds before he got kicked in the face once he realized aran was there

- dragging Joe to sea when hes bored

- keeps shooting people with waterguns

- pretended to be dead by laying facedown in the water to see if anyone would care, had a seagull land on his head instead

- worst beach volleyball player ever

Soda Popinski

- also burnt, coincidentally wore green swimming trunks & got called patrick star

- the drinks are from him 80% of the time, chugging soda like hell

- chatting with kaiser while he grills

- jokingly dunked aran in water, almost drowned him

- keeps getting his food stolen by seagulls, chased a seagull for his bagel

- dunked his head in the cooler whenever he felt like he was gonna have a heat stroke

Bald Bull

- used some sunscreen, somehow didnt get burnt

- suprisingly good at beach volleyball, don flamenco & him are pretty terrific at beach volleyball

- helped when kaisers grill broke, labeled a lifesaver because of that

- Just swam around with soda popinski & sandman while drinking beer

- got some sea water in his beer, still drank it anyway

- accidentally snorted sea water somehow

- had a "slight" moment of panic when a fish brushed by his legs (heart attack)

Super Macho Man

- didnt have any problems with the sun & tanned

- surfing & killing it (yasss peepaw get it)

- orders the most he/him drinks at the bar

- tried to collect sea shells, aran stole them

- trying to hold his breath as long as possible

- thinks he looks hot with wet hair, he looks like a mop & a wet cat

Mr Sandman

- used sunscreen thanks to piston hondo

- Just floated on his back in peace

- made a sand castle with piston hondo

- went to the deeper waters with bull, aran ryan & don flamenco, don had to hold on to bull for dear life because the water was at his chin & he didnt feel like drowning

- looked after kaisers grill when kaiser went swimming or took a break

[writingoddess1125]

I Need Help

I was robbed! Yay!!

Go Fund Me

Support me on Ko-Fi

Hello everyone! I am JC a very Very new author here on Tumblr and if you follow me it's for my One Piece fics.

I am a 21 year old college student who is trying to make ends meet and loves to write- So recently I lost my job due to unsafe work envirments and not wanting to poison people. (Aka don't eat at Jack in the Box) so I filed for unemployment until I can secure a job again which is hard in my area.

I got my unemployment card and pulled money from the ATM to use to donate to pay for a donation to a food bank that has been keeping Mr alive and didn't know there was a scanner on my card.

This morning I woke up to pay at least some of my rent as a promise to pay and saw I had 20$ left on the card. Only to find purchases pending of over 250$

I called the AZ unemployment and Doordash even the ATM company and no one can help me since they manually put in the card information at the restaurants. Aka I'm Fucked.

Especially since all these transactions were in San Francisco California.

So I'm begging for help. Hell I'll sell my crusty foot pictures at this point just so I can survive with a roof over my head and food for me and my Dog.

This is the link to the Go Fund Me which also has the photos of the transactions.

I try to be very optimistic but I am fairly desperate at this point. I was already hanging by a threat and now I'm fairly sure I'm in the pit of darkness-

Anything helps at this point.

I will be scheduling my stories out just incase I am without internet or phone services for a while so everyone can continue enjoying them. I love to write despite everything happening.

Thank you All

P.S Whoever the person is in San Francisco that stole this money using a scanner in Fucking AZ from me for these restaurants. I hope your burgers and fries was worth the absolute destitution you have left me in.

Here are the photos anyway of the transactions I took using my friends's phone. Enjoy!