#you can probably guess the rest
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The lord haveth a giggle?
#Schwartz did die today. my sweetest man snuggle bug purr bag monster truck of a cat#it’s been a long upsetting day. I finally do my nightly ritual. haven’t eaten beyond#beyond a few handfuls of nuts at work.#go to the kitchen freezer to grab a freezer meal#you can probably guess the rest#anyways I’m okay as can be expected. he was my baby my gross man my everything#but he was also in SO MUCH pain#just day to day. :( no toes#some old man issues. probably sad because of being declawed by his original owners
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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Do you care for a cigarette?
#I wanted to reuse a color palette from last year that I loved and this is the result ^_^#actually part of a larger project but life makes me incapable of drawing rn#so have this completed piece of an uncompleted whole for now! I will probably repost it once I’ve got the rest#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bsd fanart#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#bsd dazai#you can probably guess who he is looking at 🤭#I promise the perspective /doesn’t/ make more sense with the rest of the artworks. I found cool pose refs and thought: why not#my art
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day 10 - dusk
Ajisai knew hunger; it'd been a dull aching thing in her belly that, left unfed, grew teeth and claws. Ajisai knew hunger and that's why she hated Yuhelmeric. Only a man of faith would be so foolish as to listen for an eikon that never answers while his men begged for their lives. And when they'd tried to save themselves, what did he do? He killed them, slaughtered them like animals, and served them to the survivors.
Savage, indeed.
auraugust promptos
#i did a little think and dusk vigil would've FUCKED Ajisai up#her major trauma was because of blind faith in people who don't deserve power and here it is-- the bad ending that could've been hers#i think... she probably had a big long cry in that hallway when all was said and done#she probably went out of her way to identify every single soldier she could#made sure to lay them all to rest with the proper rites#auraugust2024#ffxiv#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenies#au ra#raen#ishgard#coerthas#dusk vigil#ajisaijar#gposejar#fun fact: there are knights in the background and if you squint you can see their chainmail#i spent all that time posing them and you can barely see them lmao#i guess you can kinda see the hand on her shoulder though#if you squint REALLY hard#it's there I swear#'keep it simple she says' ubejamjar is a liar and you can quote me on that
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Polling order is the order I go in.
#I can already guess the results#but I do also want you guys to know who I have planned#gonna take just as long as the rest#but tbh the wonderbolts would probably be the quickest cuz i don't have to design clothes for them all#ask you#not art#personal
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thinking about how siffrin definitely doesn't know how old they are. lol
#do you think their 'birthday' is just the anniversary of the day they woke up on the beach#that seems way worse than just picking a random day ngl#siffrin#isat#isat spoilers#i could probably guess a baby's age within 2 months and a 3-6 year old within half a year but a teen???#a high school classroom can contain someone who looks 12 and someone who looks 19#i know he canonically has a birthday but that seems harder to remember than your Name#your age changes every year and what are the chances the island even uses the same calendar#esp since the rest of the world doesn't know shit about astronomy the island's definition of a year was probably more accurate at least#thoughts#thoughts about siffrin
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where’s yo head at
#poor dups on my arts get no rest#deserved tho#also the way troops look#so like yellow is their theme#and this color is often used as a metaphor for sickness and#and disease so i guess you can count them as the real plague?#its probably not that deep but who cares#fanart#delsin rowe#infamous second son
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I'm allergic to finishing any art right now it would seem so here's some very low effort mspaint dragon age 2 doodles
#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#isabela dragon age#fenris#anders dragon age#fenris dragon age#aveline vallen#carver hawke#fenhawke#in the first image the closeup of my hawke on the right Was from clip studio but the rest of these were drawn in mspaint exclusively#the last image originally had a different context but i scrapped it so it can just be interpreted as#typical carver vs elder hawke behavior#aaand the second image was based off of isabela's hightown comment getting interrupted by these two#you can probably guess what interaction i'm fishing for by having those three in the party together#ive played dragon age 2 every day for the last 24 days. i am not well
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GUYS.
New dupe real! Also new pod????? Olivia is that you girlie speak to me
#rat rambles#oxygen not included#screenshots are from the steam page#there is ofc a Lot to unpack here gameplay wise and Im guessing some things will be tweaked design wise but Im lore pilled so.#anyways Im not sure how I feel abt this dupe's design but I will still welcome them with open arms hello#but more important here to me is the pod#because erm. thats a very very different looking pod.#I dont wanna jump to any conclusions or speculate too hard because chances are its just olivia getting new drip#but like. what if its not. what if this is like a new new printing pod#I assume that if it is a new pod then olivia will like be able to connect with it somehow but idk#because it rly depends on how ambitious theyd wanna be with this dlc given that to rly make a new pod thats super not olivia theyd have to#do a lot of work to make that change prevelant in the rest of the gameplay#now chances are if it is a new pod its one that doesn't have a human consciousness inside it#even if it was there rly arent many options for who it could be and no good options from a narrative standpoint#now this pod looks quite gutted so maybe it is just a normal printing pod that got kicked back online when olivia sent some guys to kick it#now heres the most negative thing Ill say abt these screenshots. the fox critters are rly ugly imo#I like the bunny guys tho WAUTWIATSWAUT WAIT#ARE THEY THE SAME SPECIES AS THE ANCIENT SPECIMEN SKELETON?#I dont think they line uo perfectly if I remember correctly but the big one has the same tusks and is also yknow big and fat like the#specimen is described to be in tbe story trait logs#Im willing to bet so much that theyre at least related in some way#maybe the one that was initially sent back in time was used as a basis for these guys or smth#my main reason for saying this is that I have to imagine these guys have to have some other purpose than being data storage#its seems that you can shave their coats which is probably the main thing but I imagine they probably drop a good amount of meat too#also important to note that they are grazers which is good to know#also I think the upside down plant is going to be this planet's muckroot equivalent#oh and for the fox deer I assume theyll be farmed for their antlers which will probably shed wood or smth#not a clue what the new plants will do but idrc#Ill care abt the gameplay after I get my new lore <3
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I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah
doggy doggy what now?
#sci speaks#i love mr peanutbutter.#i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him.#cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us.#i love him and i love that.#really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it.#i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love.#where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not.#bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great.#i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it.#i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes.#not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a .#i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices.#we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either.#it's not just me floating in the world with no direction.#it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??”#get out shut up i hate you.#try living LIFE for five days maybe.
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I ate half a serving of some really really good pesto pasta in the evening. Just rocketed out of bed at 3 AM after an hour or so of intense rounds of pain and I’m not going to go into details but holy shit I wish I never ate more than a couple bites of it and just brought a smoothie or soup to the restaraunt instead this is AWFUL. Literally hauled myself into the bathtub with warm water just to breathe.
#will I take a sick day at work#probably not because I really need to hear those meeting discussions this week#will I have a carousel of unpredictable symptoms the rest of the night? possibly#oh my god. oh my god.#it was the best pesto pasta I ever had. it’s becoming the worst pesto pasta I’ve ever had. I am so sad#me: DO I HAVE FOOD POISONING????#also me: has a known GI condition that is the much more Occam’s razor answer to what caused this situation#and yet somehow still me: DO I SUDDENLY HAVE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE???#girl. it’s 4 am. meditate yourself to fucking chill in this bathtub.#then see if you can go back to sleep#anyway. lessons are being learned#I don’t have any idea what happened but it was sooooooooooo rich and I’m guessing it was too much fat or too much fiber or both#brb about to look up almond and pesto sauce nutrition labels#health#future me I hope this never happens to you again#gastroparesis#if I’m taking a warm bath in the middle of my worst POTS flare since 2017-2018#you know how bad I must feel to make that worth it lol
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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what the fuck was that. i literally looked back through the issue and counted the pages because that story ended so fast i couldnt believe there were actually 22 pages
#re: green arrow. but you probably guessed that because i complain about it every month#i know i should expect it at this point but. oh my god#literally 5 pages dedicated to the Final Battle with the villain of this entire story#and the rest of it was just. there#like some of it was sweet but??? could we not have done anything else#this was going to be the last issue before it got extended. can you imagine if it just ended like this#is there anyone out there thats actually enjoying this book#like. nothings happening. all the interactions are surface level at best.#its not well written. theres not an interesting story. theres no interesting character work.#i cant believe it got extended to an ongoing
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Can’t, too busy flirting ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#Helix#DAX#ZEX#FRICK I forgot ZEX's bruises lol#I drew them in the sketch even! It's why his left eye is closed rather than his right fjdsaklfdfds#Well DAX will probably have that ankle brace on him still by the time ZEX's face and neck are all healed up anyway *handwaves handwaves*#Anyway lol#I've been wanting to try my hand at the ''heartbeat'' style for a while now! Pretty sure this is my first ever attempt! :0#I guess that one blushy react I made a couple years ago for VLH could count? But that was with vectors so#Was mostly curious as to how long it would take and how tedious it would be with my tablet#Using my crayon brush for the lineart and colours made it more fun :) Very unconcerned with how ''clean'' it would look by the end#Which I think is how this style is meant to be approached - if it was too smooth or too aligned then it wouldn't move!#I think I like it well enough :)#I had another one I was thinking about doing first - even sketched up a while ago now - but this image hit me most recently#New shiny - you know how it is :P#And they're so cute how can I resist <3#Max being shorter than Dexter is So good and then ZEX nad DAX are in there and it's just jdkslafd#Extremely yes very much so agree#They're cute! I love them!#Someday I'll get really good at DAX's parade rest pose because I keep attempting to draw it correctly and haven't yet#But I haven't given up!! I'll get it someday!!!#ZEX is effortlessly adorable so that's easy lol#Even if I didn't get the bruises his blush was still real fun to texture :)
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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i don’t think i’ve ever mentioned this here but i have a blorbo spreadsheet. a few pieces of information to give a general idea of how i feel about each one. here’s what i have for asty
#not revealing the rest. i need to update it anyways#though if you’ve followed me for any amount of time you can probably guess who’s on there
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