#you can tell i started knitting during episode 2

[grunge-mermaid]

grunge rewatches The OC pt 1

I haven't watched this show since it aired. when I was in high school. I'm assuming it hasn't aged well, but who knows

1x01 The Pilot

"modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be 100. But I read this article which said Social Security will run out by the year 2025, which means people are gonna have to stay in their jobs until they're 80"

20 years later, Ryan seems like an optimist

this is the show that taught me that there is a world where people have pool houses

ooh smoking so edgy

baby!Dr Link

he grew up good

naming a boat after a girl you've never talked to? that's not a red flag at all

early 2000s teen girl fashion was a travesty

"open collar, it's a good look" Ryan is correct

no one is carding the 15-year-old at the bar? he's only 2/3 the legal drinking age in California come on

is he 15? 16? idk. how many seasons are they in high school for?

I will operate on the assumption that they're 15 until proven otherwise since Luke is the only one who drives (that we know of so far)

gay slur count: 1

ok Summer's dress in the fashion show is kinda cute but that hair & makeup are a travesty

All American Rejects oh man

the music in this show is pretty amazing ngl

"I should really learn to knock in case there's a threesome going on in the bathroom"

gotta have the requisite gaggle of girls on cell phones to show they're rich

how did 14-year-old me not realize I was queer when faced with Summer Roberts in a bikini and low-rise skirt? I'm so sorry, 14yo grunge, you really missed out on fully appreciating

(psst, present day grunge: Rachel Bilson was 22 in season 1. you're good)

ableist slur count: 1

what teenagers actually speak like this have the writers ever spoken to actual teenagers before?

ok a 15yo who cooks breakfast bc his parents are shitty and abusive & he needs to cook or else he doesn't eat & neither will his parents? absolutely believable. also absolutely believable he would do it out of habit + as a thank you for taking him in for the weekend

a 15yo who cooks bacon and pancakes and sets the fucking table for breakfast? who is this child

ok maybe it hasn't aged as badly as I thought. the hair and clothes have, but otherwise it's holding up ok

1x02 The Model Home

ohhh I remember this episode

I think

there's a fire, right?

Luke and Ryan fight and they start a fire in the model home?

wait Marissa drives maybe they are 16?

Ryan and Marissa are prime Siblings Or Dating content

flip

phones

gay slur count: 2

$100,000 seems pretty low-stakes for Jimmy to be so worried about given the presumed scale of the investments he was managing

like, that's a lot of money for sure but if he's

the show that introduced me to Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah

girl you met him literally 2 days ago why are you so intense about this?

you're not romeo and juliet calm down

oh there's the fire

Luke "I'm an asshole bully not a murderer" Ward

Julie was pregnant in 1986 so Marissa at least is almost-17?

but if season 3 is their senior year, then in season 1 they're all going into grade 10, so shouldn't they be 15? I'm overthinking this, I'm aware

1x03 The Gamble

Julie Cooper reminds me of Bertha Russell but without any of the charm or warmth or manners or fashion sense

I should take that back. Bertha doesn't deserve to be compared to Julie Cooper, she's too beguiling and clever. Julie is just shallow and manipulative.

"no two black tie events in the same month" I would love to live a life where this is my biggest concern

of course these women watch Dr Phil

god they'd be on the front lines of Moms For Liberty wouldn't they

"we welcome everyone here. I'm from the Bronx and you're from Riverside" what a fascinating definition of diversity (Newport, not Sandy. Sandy knows what's up)

"he called me white trash"

honey, you may be rich but you are pretty trashy

being trash has nothing to do with net worth and everything to do with attitude

"Ryan's gonna stay with us now" 😭

ok that's it for tonight but I was wrong. besides some atrocious fashion and period-typical homophobia, it's holding up pretty well

[camlannpod]

Yet another re-listen, yet more questions:

1) Did Gwaine have to *walk* back from the Alps?

2) Was Gwen winding a heavy worsted or bulky weight yarn, or is she just really fast at winding? (The last yarn I wound for my own knitting was a fingering weight (also known as sock yarn, if you are unfamiliar), and that took a fair chunk of time)

3) Is that how CB radios work, or is it story logic in play?

4) On the topic of story logic: is food governed by story logic of it's fine unless it needs to not be or is it more that I, being American, have no idea what a supermarket in Wales is likely to have or not have regarding perishables?

5) Did the Cataclysm happen during a specific time of year or just a nebulous nine months before episode one?

5a) How long *were* they in Anwn in episode 7?

Feel free to cherry-pick or ignore as needed, especially if I've accidentally landed on something plot-relevant, I am mostly just full of happy babble.

Thank you!

Hi! Omg!! No it makes me SO happy people are still relistening and caring enough to ask these questions! I know it's quiet on our end right now, but it's always a nerve-wracking kinda period of quiet where you just really hope people still care and are still finding the show.

SO in answer to your questions:

Great question, which raises the other one: did he walk to the Alps? There's a bit where Gwaine says the Green Man led him through a moss-covered old stone arch, and then he was in deep snow and mountains. Gwaine says he thinks he's in the French Alps but he doesn't actually know exactly what happened. Realistically there's no way he could've gotten there through ordinary means - as Gwen alludes to, London is a mess and he'd have had to backtrack past Glastonbury and the knights. The mechanics of this are supposed to be an open question for you, the listener - though I can say the trick to it is something important that will come up in season 2.

Straight up this one is mostly just cinema magic - in that we couldn't spend too long on her doing it but I wanted the intimacy at the start of her telling Morgan what to do. I do think there's an element where it probably is a bulky yarn though! She wants / needs to make four (and after Gwaine arrives, five) jumpers really fast - she's got about 3 months before they're in deep winter. To my, admittedly amateur, knitting knowledge - using a heavier yarn would let you make something much quicker, if of a lower quality, and in this case Gwen wants speed.

It is how CB radios work! I have an older gay friend (who presents the LGBTQ+ non-fiction podcast, ShoutOut Radio, check it out) who told me about how he and other gay people used to use this as a way to find each other in the 70s and 80s. So basically you'd give a location, like a high street, and agree on a frequency, then drive in circles in your car with the radio on trying to find where the signal was stronger until eventually you found who you were looking for. The problem is that, as Morgan says, it only works at like 2-3 miles away at most, so it wouldn't have worked with Gwaine. That was just Dai pulling them to try anyway.

Food is going to become a bigger and bigger plot issue as the story goes on. Right now, the gang are in the first nine months - so the supermarket didn't have any edible fruit or vegetables etc, but did still have canned and some dry goods that were workable. The big things for Camlann are a) the apparently tiny number of survivors, which means most places have been left untouched and not raided by anyone, and b) the cottage itself - which had an unusually high amount of canned and dry goods, which has helped the gang a lot.

Uh, it's kind of nebulous (I want to leave it open for myself for plot reasons) - but I've got a pretty strong idea the series starts in Autumn. If we put the beginning somewhere in September, then we're talking January, maybe December for the Cataclysm.

/ 5a. Similarly left nebulous for plot reasons, but if the series starts in November and we assume the first few episodes take just over a month, then they're there for about 4-8 weeks. The leave in mid-October and come back in late December (skipping Samhain, luckily for them).

Again, sincerely, your happy babble gives me so much joy, thank you so much for caring about the show enough to ask so many questions! <3

[murkystarlight]

DREAMZzz S2 spoilers pt.2

(And my personal comments)

Okay- I lost all progress once. But this time it'll be fine. Right? Anyways... I lost my energy so I'm going to make it a bit more shorter and brief....

Starting off with the sirens. Can we appreciate that glossy tail?? We need them as figurines ASAP.

Izzie and Cooper suffering

I like the sticky hand Mateo makes. Probably the best one he made during his... *I miss z-blob phase*

And- have I mentioned the opening song before?? Cause it's really nice

RIP Sandman... where did he go??😭

I personally loved all the ✨family drama✨ in this season (also, poor Izzie that keeps thinking she forgot stuff she doesn't actually know. Must be really confusing)

And do they not know that their parents got divorced? I mean... they gotta be divorced, right?

(Did anyone hear Mr. Oz grumbling while he took out the dreamy-screamy?)

Cooper, not having any knowledge on tech giving an idea for using a Lumi-Caster, that's used for making light, while they're in broad daylight? Sad. But adorable

Why do they have headphones in the library? For kids who have trouble with the noise?

Zoey winking? And mentioning Way of the departed?? Then she punches a siren in the face???

(Logan needs more appreciation)

Dallas is doing a great job knitting

Throws headphones, lands on their heads perfectly

"Woah-"

Also, they almost get eaten. EATEN. By the sirens!? We need angst art on this👍

"Remember, DO IT QUIETLY" (he's Dumbledore) ((what color can I give mr oz? This is the only one left so))

Cooper stressing out from not being able to turn on a computer- he's losing brain cells, oh god... and he got a temper like have you seen Mateo and Zoey's face? Shocked

Mrs. Castillo is the best

(Oh~ then we must go north!)

Why are their colors the same? In the last season when they went through the rift the colors were like... faded and... dreamy

"The fantasy realm? Sirens dont belong here!" (That's a bit mean- be like Cooper->) "well, they have to be somewhere, don't they?"

Or preferably. Like Zoey

"I hope they don't eat anyone though"

Why did Mateo tell Logan to play his song before they left the rift?? Or- at least when they're a little bit closer to the rift?

Cooper was badass with that frying pan.

We got a new

Rapunzel

He looks so happy when he tagged the ravennn (the wacky-tracky looks like it resembles a bird. Don't you think? Or... is it just me..?)

aughhhh my heart

(He also seems really down, he says so himself that "if I do one thing right today, please be this" he needs help y'alll)

José and Jasmin look so happy togethr

And Mateo got over his mom a teenie weenie bit "we're all just figuring it out, right?"

(Sounds a bit...🏳️‍🌈) just saying! Don't take any of what I'm saying seriously

Episode 4

Logan's song. Let's see the good parts I found-

Mateo singing along and dancing(and being mad about it- btw, the z-blob drawing right in front of Mateo when he wakes up has got to be one of the cutest drawings yet). Zoey, Cooper, Mr. Oz and Albert dancing

Now-

Why can't they be supporting? I mean... okay.. maybe it's a bit weird (and I thought it was a bit weird too- especially when the other guy suddenly got so popular just as fast as Logan) but he's your friend?? Is it that surprising that Logan have fans? ....yeah.. okay, maybe?

(Also, Logan can do splits??)

Uh- I just noticed, Izzie has pickles on her lunch plate. Like- a full sized pickle! That's pretty much all she has on her plate

But Zoey. That was kinda mean- you... you were more than harsh

✨Sparkles✨

They really tried to make us belive that Jasmin is a witch or smth- but! I know my cliches. And at this situation? She's definitely just a normal person(and I was right)

Does Logan's beast crafting only work with his anger? I remember seeing a cool artwork with Logan using it with other emotions. Maybe later if he develops his powers?? Or.. something similar?

Why does some people only think of dancing and some people can keep thinking 'what the- why can't I stop??' And all that(like Zoey still complained)

Rupert Finneas Shufflebottom Oswald

How did Mateo and Izzie get up in a tree??

Cooper looks so darn cute!! Look at his smile! So precious

He looks... genuinely happy. Like... has he really been losing brain cells?

When Logan has his head down, the mouth animations looked really cool(also, I love the captions. Logan's official name as the blue gremlin is Lo-lo)

Zian and the frog cab is also dancing! Cute

"A lizard person from planet Sikoria!"

"And- why are we sitting on mrs. Castillo's food truck?"

"I don't want dad to hurt like I'm hurting right now.." such- a good kid

Is it just me or did Cooper really, actually get more laid-back than before??

Oh- so Logan is the tech guy now?

Logan looks so sad-

Well Zoey. You tried. It wasn't a bad apology, but.... not the best.

And Logan with a new instrument??

Episode 5

We need info! Why is the Never witch so mad?!!

But seriously- her incantations are just... really nice

Really sad that Izzie can't remember Phil...

Hate Royce

Cooper being...

Rebellious

Phil being the best wingman ever-

(The hug.... Phil- oh god)

"Coop, did you mess with this thing?"

"No, why?"

"Just wondering if you broke it"

"Wow."

The raven was being happy and cute making it's nest... aww

I like how Izzie keeps repeating what she did the first time(like trying to fly)

"Oh! Try asking it to lead us to the witch!"

"[Laughs].... oh, you're serious"

Oh right! The Grimm spawn disguise! We have a new costume now~

Logan's moms being bird ladies and everyone staring at Logan like he's gone mad

Izzie still doing the Naruto run

"We're close"

"Uh- close to what?"

"Her"

Yup. He's losing brain cells...

And that one scene when they retrieve their memories?(kinda). Oh..... boy

Cooper you poor thing! Nooooooo

I was very happy when I heard the sound of glass shattering. And.. why was it so sad?? They do not have the right to make it seem so sad

But like- even though this is great. Love the angst and all...(he barely got to be sad about it? He barely showed it) I hope Cooper gets his tech powers back. He can be a chef, and a tech guy. Like that show on Netflix! Baking impossible? I think it was? Making functioning cakes. But maybe the whole "tech guy" thing was like... a fence for him? He only thinks of things in that way. Maybe that's why he was the most closed(least creative) person at first. But now he's out of that boundary. And he does look like he's being more care-free and seems more brighter? (...in case you haven't noticed yet. He's my favorite character. He's going to take up about... half of the space in my rambling;;)

Zoey's past!

That was dark. Like... really cool though

I love how Izzie gets her memories back!

The armor coming together? Coool

Inspector Strick actually helping them??

Previous part , next part

[kaeyasstarlight]

Headcannons(Gravity Falls x Gender Neutral!Reader Dating Headcannons)

A.N: This are some simples Gravity Falls headcannons of what I think it would be like dating them. This is during the summer, before Dipper and Mabel go back to California :D

Warning: There will be spoilers!!!

Dipper Pines:

Even if it’s been weeks since you started dating, the poor insecure boy wonders why you like him

You tells him that you love him no matter what and that he doesn’t have to be insecure about your relationship

He will tell you his real name(if you didn’t know it’s Mason. It’s said in the official journal 3 you can buy ;))

Whatching ghost hunting shows with him is wholesome and you cuddle on the couch

Always brings you on an adventure

He asks Wendy for advice

You are BFF with Mabel and she loves you! She is glad that her brother found someone like you and she litteraly fangirls when she sees you do something cute

The whole Mystery Shack ships you both

If you feel sad he will do anything he can to help you

When he has to leave to go home you promise to keep contact and Mabel will help him get a phone to contact you

When he comes back the summer after(wish it happened in the series TwT) he is so happy to see you

Mabel Pines:

She littaraly simps for you EVERY SINGLE DAY!(You can’t tell me you don’t love it😌)

Cuddles sessions with Waddles

Just like with Dipper, he ships you and Mabel and is glad that finally someone likes her for her

She taught you how to knit and you have matching sweaters

On summerween, you did a matching costume with her and Dipper

You helped her to get Soos a girlfriend(episode 5 season 2)

You protect her from Gideon

Scrapbook dates are a must!

Watching Ducktective with her and the family is wholesome

Mini golf dates are also a must

If you are crying, you can be sure that she will bring you candy and that you will watch a movie or cuddle

When she leaves to go back home she crys in your arms and promises to call you everyday and to never let you down

When she comes back the next summer, she tells you her first high school year and you guys cuddle for a very long time to catch up on everything

Wendy Corderoy:

Her brothers and her father loves you

You like to goof off in the Mystery Shack and Dipper and Mabel find you so cute together

Late night walks in the forest to go see the stars

When Dipper asks her to come on an adventure she always brings you with them

She showed you how to hunt and how to cut wood like a lumberjack

Horror movie dates!

Doing pranks with her is one of the best thing ever

If you are sad, she will try to make you laugh and she will do everything in her power to help

That’s it for today! Hope this was interesting and I plan on doing more Gravity Falls, cause I love that show and it deserves more love  <3

See you next time!

[snickerdoodlles]

i said i was gonna ask about 3 so I am, I simply must know. plus 2 of them are so personal to me they’re basically freebies so yknow 🤷‍♀️

knitter pran thots (bc it’s me so obviously)

soft boi lies (bc that was me! i said that! im legally required to see the fruits of my random rambling)

CODE CRQCKED LIVING LARGE (bc it’s probably the one I have the least clue what it is lol 😂)

one of these days im going to have to hold myself back from telling you about a WIP just so that I can actually surprise you with a totally new idea 🤣

'knitter pran thots' is ofc specifically for u, even though i will probably ask you for help in coming up with a knitting pun for the title lol. its about the shape of Pat and Pran's love and how invested they are right from when they start to date. the starting snippet:

Paa always tells Pat he gets too invested, too quick when it comes to his relationships. Pat's not sure why she bothers—he can’t help it that he loves so quickly, so largely, so loudly—but there are times when he wonders what she might say about him and Pran and the shape of their love. Pran, who’s always been Pat’s largest and longest investment, whose mere presence is its own gravity for Pat.

Pran loves to knit. He likes the way the stitches clear his mind, the way the yarn slips soft over his fingers, the satisfaction of a project borne before his eyes. It’s something he shyly tucks away from others into the hidden corners of his room, his feelings tied to yarn hidden the same as all his others, only recently revealed to Pat during their last movie night. It takes gratuitous application of his puppy eyes and pleading questions, but Pran soon begins to bloom the more he tells Pat about his favorite yarns and tricky patterns. 

Like always, Pat dives in head first and deep. His search history is a dictionary of knitting terms, his online carts are filled with yarns and needles and patterns. Eventually he even finds his ways over to the forum boards, where several aunties and cousins are delighted to aid his quest in learning more about his boyfriend’s favorite hobby.

and then Pat's going to learn about the boyfriend sweater curse. he's not superstitious, per se, just also vvvvvvvv wary of ever being considered Pran's bad luck jinx again :C and Pran's going to gently take his face and be like "the boyfriend curse is only a problem for people in mediocre relationships. the knitter spends a lot of time and money making a mediocre guy a sweater that he doesn't ever appreciate, then the knitter realizes they don't have to settle for someone half-assing a relationship, and a breakup follows because their relationship already had issues that the sweater issue exposed. but i don't have to worry about that, because you're a sticky nuisance i've had my whole life. now, i have three patterns to modify for your stupidly huge shoulders, so stop squirming or i will tie you up 😤"

and Pat's like 🥺 owh, this is our forever 🥰 and everything is soft and happy

soft boy lies is HERE and brb, currently laughing over how i'd left off some of the smuttier WIP titles yet the first 2 asks were about the filthiest WIP on the list ajfhjf (i'll finish a smut fic one of these days I SWEAR, they're just stupidly long orz)

akdfjk you actually know about 'CODE CRQCKED LIVING LARGE', i just have a wonky title!!! it's the fic about bby!Pran & Pat inspired by that time my mom taught me how to forge her signature when i was seven !! the doc has that title because i've actually had this story idea since before episode 6, i just hated the way it was coming out and had finally moved the WIP to the discard pile a few weeks ago. but talking to you about it finally got the wheels turning, so i started a new doc to rewrite the old mess it used to be 😂

gonna try to summarize this idea for ppl outside our DMs, but basically my mom taught me how to sign her signature when i was seven as a 'fuck you' to a teacher that made me cry. so im projecting that experience onto Pran. then Dissaya thinks it'd be hilarious to send her lil bby out to sign for a delivery for her, so Pran and Chai go to inspect a delivery and bby!Pran v carefully inspects a like. hardware delivery or whatever next to a straight-faced Chai before signing Dissaya's name for the order while the big burly delivery guys look on v bemused

but Pat sees Pran doing that and he puffs up because he wants to do Big Important Grownup Stuff too!!!! but Ming doesn't get why Pat's trying to insist on being there for a delivery and after the last time when Pat got underfoot for a lumber delivery and nearly squished, Ming's not going to let him anywhere dangerous. so he sits Pat down in his office to stay there, bby Pat's like 😤 fine, i shall do OTHER Important Grownup Stuff!!!!

and scribbles all over Ming's paperwork because he is the Best Helper

its not until Ming comes back to fetch Pat that Pat stops to think "wait i should've asked first D:" and he and Ming just kinda. stare at each other for a hot minute before Ming suddenly doubles over and starts laughing. like shit, his kid just created a week's worth of work and sleepless nights to fix this mess, but by god is his son the cutest and sweetest kid??? he laughs about it the whole way home and thru trying to explain it to his wife, and the next week he gets Pat his own lil hardhat and clipboard so Pat can follow the store workers around and do Big Important Grownup Stuff. mind you, Pat doesn't actually know what he's supposed to do with this stuff, so he mostly follows a worker around for a little bit drawing dinosaurs or stick figures and giving the doodles to the store workers when their tasks are finished. these doodles are coveted by the workers, he is their favorite kid in the world

still working out the ending, but it's gonna be Pat & Pran post-Singapore return hearing these childhood stories from the senior employees and they're both simultaneously delighted & horrified because on one hand, childhood stories that they didn't previously have full context for, but on the other, "why do you all even still remember this, pls stop giving my boyfriend blackmail fodder 😭"

[[ WIP ask game ]]

[godliveblogs]

More Bears for the Circus

Epithet Erased Episode 2

I have more than half a mind to start every new liveblog with this image...

Well, if it’s complete, where’s the cool guy? (At this point I’m just cyber-bullying fictional characters)

I do appreciate Giogio incorporating Bear Trap’s theme with their secret hideout.

I’m sorry Molly, but that is clearly not the face of someone who cares about the rules.

PLease let this be foreshadowing an improvement in Molly’s home life, Mr. Jello Apocalypse I beg you.

“Except for the rules of drama, we follow those every chance we get.“

You can tell from the menacing (ゴゴゴゴゴ) look on their face that they mean business!

We already have one monkey in a suit, so obviously this circus is gonna need the bears to be dressed up, too—I elect we give them fezzes.

It’s somewhat concerning how similar of a wavelength this child and grown man are on.

It kinda is a bit, saddening I guess?, about how somber Molly can look at times—especially right after having a moment where she actually acts her age.

Gio, first of all you don’t need to LORD over a kid while talking about tailoring, and second I am not surprised you have a sewing kit on you as well, ya definitely need to repair your cartoon villain costume after getting bodied constantly during all your battles.

.............. Hey Molly, do ya mind if I borrow one of your sewing needles, just need it to, fix a stitch, on this doll I’m making of your father... But yeah, I’m hoping beyond hope that he is just extremely clumsy as well as neglectful, and not an alcoholic. There’s not much chance of that is there?

Giovanni, please, give this child some peace of mind and raise her spirits by talking about your shared hobbies.

Giovanni! How could you look at Molly’s :3 face and not divulge all of your secrets!

Oh, I suppose that is why people call you a knit-wit? because of the knitting?

What do you mean Molly? I’m certain he’s mentioned how crafty he is at least ten(10) times now!

As expected from the MASTER of all things SOUP.

Guys, I think he’s broken...

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 22 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Not Quite Like Old Times

We ended the previous episode in daylight, with Lan Wangji putting Wei Wuxian and swordpoint and declaring his undying love lecturing him about his lack of sword skills.

We start this episode in full night, with the two of them sitting on a roof together. Presumably they spent the missing scenes getting dinner in the mess hall, doing some laundry, and definitely not making out. Fic writers, do your thing.

Finally, FINALLY, Lan Wangji has chilled out enough to actually sit and listen to Wei Wuxian, instead of yelling at and/or physically attacking him. The Zoloft is really helping!

Wei Wuxian is indulging in romantic recollections of their first rooftop encounter. Lan Wangji, who has loved him since he first laid eyes on him and who wrote a whole song with an entire music video about their love, featuring that very same rooftop encounter, shuts him down so completely he might as well have whipped out Bichen again.

First he corrects his description of events by pointing out they were fighting, not talking, back then. Then when Wei Wuxian continues in his charming, smiley reminiscing vein, Lan Wangji says "things change, how could they stay the same" with a deep, sad, weariness.

He seems like an old man in this moment, and I feel for him, really, I do. But he's not the one who's carrying the actual essence of death around inside him. Wei Wuxian is being much more generous in this interaction than Lan Wangji is.

Wei Wuxian thanks him for not narkng to Jiang Yanli about the whole talisman/forced suicide/ghost hummer/ghost flaying thing he did back in Yiling. Like there is any way Lan Wangji would ever tell Jiang Yanli, of all people, something like that about Wei Wuxian.  He's lying to his own brother to cover for Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian totally doesn't get it.

(more after the cut)

Unfortunately, there's no reason Wei Wuxian SHOULD get it, at this point; Lan Wangji has not communicated anything but disapproval to him since his return, and Wei Wuxian, despite their (apparently temporary) mental linkup in the Turtle cave, is not a mind reader.

Lan Wangji is so hurt here, and Wei Wuxian appears to ignore that, continuing to smile and laugh; he’s still sunny, still happy. Seriously, they are so tonally out of step with each other in this conversation, it's excruciating.

Lan Wangji: I’m feeling good about my tear-holding-back ability Wei Wuxian: do I look more fuckable sitting up? Or leaning back?  

But every one of these smiles is an absolute lie. This is Wei Wuxian appeasing an authority figure; baffling with bullshit and skating by on charm. This is not a young man confiding in his soulmate.

Even when the conversation shifts, and they talk seriously about what is going on with him, Wei Wuxian is barely confiding anything. He briefly acknowledges that he was in the Burial Mounds for three months, and shudders at the memory, but Lan Wangji doesn't respond to that other than to look away from his face.

This is almost the last thing Wei Wuxian will ever say to anyone about that experience.  He only alludes to it again when Jiang Cheng visits the settlement and talks smack about their corpse turnips. Lan Wangji says he wants to know why Wei Wuxian’s cultivation changed, but he really doesn’t; he just wants to convince him to change it back.

Wei Wuxian explains about using Lan clan techniques to protect his temperament, as well as the flute and talismans, to control the resentful energy. This is a good reminder that Wei Wuxian was never a bad student. He was an outstanding cultivator within the Jiang Clan, and he learned a hell of a lot during his time in Gusu, despite getting expelled for fighting.

His original golden core was stronger than Jiang Cheng's, even though he apparently started cultivating later. Yes, he fell asleep during meditation that one time in Episode 43, but that's not because he's bad at meditating, it's because he was tired from getting railed all night by his boyfriend stabbed in the gut by his nephew.

Lan Wangji eventually manages to ask him a question like an interested fellow human being sharing knowledge, instead of like an authoritarian dick calling him to account.  

Side note: I still am flopping around trying to find good-sounding English terms for Chinese philosophical concepts. I kind of like "ghost path" vs "sword path" for the two styles of cultivation - I don't know where I saw that, apologies to the translator. I like "necromancy" for the part where the dead are reanimated and controlled, because we definitely have that in English. But there are many layers of nuance in these conversations that English is not equipped to render in a natural-sounding way.

Lan Wangji tells him, again, that it's dangerous, but this time he does it in a gentler and more poetic way, saying it's like taking grain from a burning fire, and says he's in danger of becoming the novel version of Wei Wuxian a demonic cultivator.  Wei Wuxian, also gently and seriously, says he knows.

Then he immediately goes back to his lightest tone and promises, with his three-fingers gesture, that he will not fall into demonic cultivation. This gesture is basically the Wei Wuxian "I am totally fucking lying" salute.

He is totally fucking lying, and he MUST know it. He's baking the Yin tiger amulet every day during his meditation, getting ready to use it against Wen Ruohan, getting ready to take over his army of the dead.

He has the audacity to ask Lan Wangji, "do you believe me?" and Lan Wangji, also totally fucking lying, nods.  Their relationship is just as broken right now as it was before their courtyard sparring session.

You can tell it's broken, because after they've reached this apparent place of peace, Wei Wuxian just hops down off the roof and LEAVES Lan Wangji sitting by himself. When has Wei Wuxian ever been like "gotta go!" with Lan Wangji? The last time they were here, he spent the night sleeping on the roof tiles just so he could be near him.

As he leaves, Lan Wanji stands up and says "let me help you." Wei Wuxian is not a fan of that idea, at all, if his expression is any guide.

He agrees, though, and leaves smiling, apparently for real, but maybe just practicing for all the fake smiles in his future.

Hooray for War

In the morning, Nie Mingjue makes an angry speech to the 2 dozen cultivators who apparently make up the army. Extras are expensive, y'all.

The senior cultivators are standing to the right or left of him, with the Lan brothers bracketing the Yunmeng sibs. Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are both staking their claim to Wei Wuxian, while Lan Xichen is standing in the spot closest to Nie Mingjue; Nie Huaisang is on the opposite side with the Jins.

All of the random cultivators yell a war chant in response to Nie Mingjue's speech, while the senior cultivators are like, we don't have to do that yelling stuff, thank goodness.

Nie Mingjue's war outfit includes metal (ish) epaulets on his shoulders and a totally not-kinky belt featuring multiple rings with nothing attached to them (yet) and an angry demon face right above his junk.

Nie Mingjue says we're going to storm into Nightless city and I'm going to chop off Wen Ruohan's head! By which he means, I'm going to get captured and get my ass beat, and then my murder-babie ex-boyfriend who had this belt specially made for me is going to stab Wen Ruohan in the back while he's distracted. They do say no plan survives contact with the enemy.

Side note: Baxia makes a loud metallic "shnk" noise when NMJ takes it off his back during this speech, even though Baxia does not have a scabbard. You do you, Baxia.

All the senior cultivators file out down the center while everyone else parts to let them pass. Then everybody does the Electric Slide.

Jiang Cheng tells Wei Wuxian they should go ahead of the main force to get some killing in early, but Wei Wuxian just pulls a face and looks down, staying with Lan Wangji. 

Jiang Cheng is disappointed, and no doubt takes this as a sign of WWX choosing LWJ over him. But actually, WWX can't fight side-by-side with Jiang Cheng without showing his weakness.

LWJ and WWX exchange one of their unspoken "let's go" eye touches and get ready to ride out together with the main force. 

Lan Wangji is still super, super sad. Wei Wuxian is still fake. But something is starting to knit together between them, and once they can hit a battlefield together, it will get a lot stronger.

On A Horse With No Name

Everyone rides out on horses, which will presumably get eaten somewhere along the way, because they appear to travel on foot after this. While Wei Wuxian practices his horseback-flute-twirling, Lan Wangji asks why Wei Wuxian didn't go with the forward force to fight.

Wei Wuxian says that he has a case of the don'wannas, and Lan Wangji snarkily points out that he used to like fighting. Wei Wuxian reacts, just as he did at the end of their sword fight, with embarrassment, and doesn't answer.

Lan Wangji, sweetie. You are really not helping. 

At this point, despite their ongoing fighting, Wangxian are clearly together again. Lan Wangji isn't riding with his brother; he's RIGHT next to Wei Wuxian, and will stay close to him through the rest of the campaign.

Nie Huaisang hollers "Wei-Xiong" from the top of the battlements and tells him to take care. Wei-Xiong lifts his flute in acknowledgement while Nie Huaisang looks worried. He doesn't tell Nie Mingjue or Lan Wangji to take care, just Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian is his particular friend, more than Lan Wangji is, but he may also be concerned because he can tell that Wei Wuxian isn't well.

Nie Huaisang hasn't yet developed the deep cynicism that he calls upon in his quest to avenge his brother, but he has always been a voracious collector of information, and he is keenly observant.

Side note: what the fuck is going on with this sculpture? Kudos to the artist. This has beautiful forms, and is weird and disturbing. The main head is wearing a horned skull on its forehead, small ungulates that I hesitate to call “deer” chilling on its horns, and...snakes? biting its ears? 

Boring Wen Interlude

Wen Ruohan is waving his hands around. Sigh. This is one of the more boring villain performances ever, and it's not the actor’s fault. They could have given him a sidekick to yell at or something, so we could get more than just hand waving. I’ve given up screen capping any of this; there are more interesting things to look at. 

Battle Moves

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng and their forces have an extended fight scene with a bunch of puppet dudes and stuntmen in harnesses. 

It's pretty fun to watch. (Fanvid with more over here)

The gist of the fighting scenes is that Wen Ruohan is getting stronger, and Klingons are hard to beat.

Battle Planning

Finally we see a sidekick with Wen Ruohan, although he's blurry so it's hard to tell that he is totally Meng Yao.

The Sunshotters have set up a Battle Camp Playset. It's got chunks of gates and walls that don't connect to anything, like a Duplo set. It's just randomly open for most of the back area so that anyone can walk in. 

They've got a cage of hilarious definitely-not-zombies set up, and the rest of the wounded cultivators are lying on the ground. 

The main battle trio go chill in Nie Mingjue's incredibly fancy tent. They talk it over and say it's impossible to kill unkillable enemies, "even when we have millions of troops." And by “millions” they mean “dozens.”  

Nie Mingjue decides the way to handle it is to kill the leader and everyone else will collapse, because he has watched vampire movies and the last season of Game of Thrones and that's how it works. Watching the last season of Game of Thrones is why he is so angry all the time  He says he's going to sneak into Nightless City and assassinate Wen Ruohan.

Okay, first of all, Nie Mingjue can sneak? I don't believe it.  Second of all, if that was possible, why didn't he do it as soon as Wen Ruohan attacked his clan?

Nie Mingjue wants to take the biggest risk because he's the commander in chief, which is not how commanding is supposed to work, but okay.

He says if he dies, Zewu Jun will take over. Jiang Cheng starts to protest but Zewu Jun appears as if conjured, and shows them a map that will...dear GOD his hands are beautiful.

It's a helpful map, painted in multiple colors with careful writing on it, so if anyone were to show it to Nie Huaisang he would probably go "oh cool Meng Yao painted that" because anyone who could paint that well probably spent a fair amount of time at it on a regular basis. But, Nie Huaisang isn't here so, nope.

It’s always nice to see Jiang Cheng smile.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Waniji examine some of the puppets to see what's up. It's transmitted by touch, and Lan Wangji says that curing one dude takes three months of spiritual power. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Writing Prompt: Missing scene! How did they get from the fight in the courtyard to the talk on the roof? 

Soundtrack: 1. Shine on You Crazy Diamond, by Pink Floyd 2. Electric Boogie, by Marcia Griffiths

[sidespromptblog]

Between the Mask: Part 2

One, Three, and End

Warning: Plenty of tears from all parties, angst, Janus has a momentary panic episode, and Logan has a mental break down. 

Summary: Roman confronts Janus about how exactly Roman should act around him, after being told by the others that being both nice and mean to him is wrong. Only to discover that after everything he’s been through, Janus isn’t the person that he portrays in front of everyone else. 

Word Count: 4303

AO3 LINK

A strange kind of vigor filled Roman’s chest as he moved towards Logan’s room, a mixture of anxiety and adrenaline danced around his heart the closer that he got. A part of him was nervous about possibly bumping into Patton or Virgil, and having to answer the inevitable questions that would eventually arise when they put two and two together about where exactly he was going and where he was coming from. With Janus’ face still fresh in his mind, Roman felt a sense of protective unease at the thought of Patton and Virgil forcing their way into the safety of his room. Because, the one thing that he certainly did not want to answer was that question and the secrets that it entailed, especially because, despite how Janus may have started to become accepted he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready for everyone to know about the real Janus just yet.

Especially not without his consent.

And Roman would damned before he broke the fragile trust he had just now built between him and Janus, especially after everything he had initially done wrong between the two of them.

He would guard Janus’ secret like a lion.

“Logan?” Roman whispered as he stood before the simplistic blue door that lacked any distinguishing characteristics, “Logan, I… I know that you’re there.” He winced at his casual tone, given everything the last thing he should be is casual with Logan.

He couldn’t help but to cringe at the vivid memory of himself so carelessly pressing the ignorance button, when Logan had only wanted to do his best and educate Thomas, Patton, and him.

He’d been rather rude, even if he had only meant it jokingly.

A deep sigh rumbled his chest as he forced himself to take a step back from it all, moaning and whining would get him nowhere. Logan had always responded to clear and decisive wording, not emotional blithering and most certainly not sing-songy language.

He needed to speak Logan’s language rather than trying to get across with his own. “Logan, if you’re even listening to me… I want you to know that I.. I see you.” Roman softly began, so much for no emotional language. “I see how much you’ve had to sacrifice for the sake of my and Thomas’ dreams to be a reality. I see how much you’ve had to change while the rest of us gets to stay the same. And…” Here he took a deep breath, pushing down the pride that had always gotten in the way of these apologies. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see it sooner, and.. and I’m sorry for how much I’ve made you sacrifice and just how much you’ve suffered because of it. I’m sorry for hurting you, in every way that I ever have.”  

Roman hadn’t even noticed it when he had started to spew out his apologies, but the moment they started the sight in front of him clouded over with tears that he refused to let fall. The knowledge that he’d been not only a bad friend, but also a bad protector, hit him like a punch to the chest. He had never wanted to hurt anyone, but in the end it always felt like no matter what he tried to do, he had always done the opposite. It was like that with Virgil, when he had tried to protect Thomas from the bad thoughts. It had happened with Patton, when he had constantly tried to keep him happy. It had happened with Janus, and now… now it was happening with Logan all over again.

“I’m sorry too…” Came a soft but equally hoarse voice from the other side of the door, “I’m not a very good logic… no matter how hard I try to be. If I was good, then maybe-”

“No!”

Roman’s hands slapped desperately against the door before he even had a chance to think about it, letting silence reign after his outburst. Shaking his head roughly to the point that his usually pristinely styled hard flopped onto his forehead in a mess of curls, Roman pressed the palms of his hands even harder against the door. The last thing that he wanted was for Logan to blame himself for any of this, it wasn’t anybody's fault for how things turned out.

It just happened, that’s why it was called an accident.

“Logan,” He sternly whispered, forcing himself to keep his voice down. “You don’t have to change, you don’t. Not for Thomas, not for the others, and most certainly not for me. Do you understand?” He felt like he was getting dangerously close to both crying, and digging his nails into the door in an effort to get through to Logan. “You don’t have to change for us, you never will. You can say that you don’t feel emotions, but I know you Logan. I’ve seen you smile, I’ve seen you address Thomas and the others as a class, and I’ve seen you happy Logan. Happy.” Roman’s head solidly thumped against the door. “You can still be happy… if you come with me.”

A long stretch of silence drifted between the two of them, before finally…

The blue door that Roman had been unleashing all of his feelings out onto, slowly eased open, almost making the creative side lose his footing before he swiftly regained it.

There stood Logan, huddled into himself wearing his unicorn onesie that Roman hadn’t seen since the day Logan had accidentally worn it during a video with Patton. The socks he was wearing clashed visibly with the pale blue of the onesie, with a garish orange that Roman didn’t dare to comment on. His tie was gone, and his glasses were neatly folded and tucked away into the collar of the onesie letting Roman see the logical side without his glasses for the first time.

He looked tired.

Especially with his eyes rimmed with red, evidence that Roman wasn’t the only one who had been close to crying. The alternative though… hurt Roman’s heart to much to even think about. The idea that all this time, while Roman had been wallowing in self angst, Logan had been crying with not a single soul to comfort him or tell him that it would be okay.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Logan’s eyes darted away, the vulnerability of the prolonged eye contact already too much for him. “Why do you want me to come with you?” He finally muttered, his fingers twitching and fiddling where his tie would usually be. “That’s usually the opposite of what you want from me.”

That was true too, in the past Roman had been almost obsessed with making Logan go away so that he could continue with his fanciful daydreams about just what Thomas could accomplish. He had never even considered how it might make Logan feel to be on the receiving end of all of that.

Roman’s arms itched to drag Logan into a hug, a hug that would wipe away every careless action he had ever done in his life. “Someone wants to see you.” He instead said, moving his hand to rest on Logan’s back, small steps after all… small steps. “He knows exactly how you feel… he’s had to change a lot of himself just to be listened to. And I think….   I think that we could all use the company if I’m being honest.”

Logan almost unconsciously leaned into the warmth of Roman’s hand. It had been more than a week since the last video, and at least a week since he had allowed himself to be around the others. Which meant none of the Patton’s hugs, none of Virgil’s awkward leans that happened to brush against him sometimes, and… no touch, in general.

“Why?”

The question left Logan’s mouth well before he was ready, but even so, despite the question he found himself walking with Roman back to wherever he had come from. He wanted to go, deep down he knew that he wanted to go. He wanted.. he wanted to finally be understood, he wanted…

To be cared about, without being laughed at and made fun of.

Roman’s smile was almost too easy and too knowing. “Because you’re my friend, and I care about you.”

That was good enough for Logan… for now.  

"What are you doing?" Logan asked as he stopped dead in his tracks almost immediately upon entering Janus' room, seeing the dishonest side surrounded by a mound of peach colored yarn. But not before turning to Roman a look of utter befuddlement and uncertainty on his face, emphasizing his question that had still gone unanswered. "What is he doing? What's going on?"

Roman had to fight to keep down the snicker that so badly wanted to burst out of him at the sight of Logan’s confusion, it was such a rare sight for the logical side to be confused by anything. So try as he may, he quickly turned his laugh into a polite cough before looking over to Janus with obviously raised eyebrows. He hadn’t thought it possible, but he looked even more comfy and cozy than when he had first seen him. The reading glasses had been pushed further up his nose, giving him a more dignified look that was utterly swept away by the strings of yarn he had all around his fingers and looped loosely around his neck.

Two needles sat firmly in his hands, waiting to be used.

“I am attempting to learn how to knit,” Janus began with a begrudgingly embarrassed look at the mess around him, “It’s a lot harder to get down than crocheting is, especially with the two needles instead of one. I might need to get a few books, or look up a few videos to learn some more about the different styles.”

The eagerness in Janus’ voice was practically palpable by now, to the point where Logan squirmed where he was standing. The urge to offload several papers worth of information building inside of him like a geyser.

The only thing stopping him was…

This wasn’t Janus.

It couldn’t be Janus.

Janus was a sly worded, silver tongued snake. Who delighted in getting his way, and would go to great lengths just to get it. So this had to some kind of trick, like when he had taken over Patton’s form just to get Thomas to consider lying to Joan. This was just a ploy to get both Roman and him to his side, and against the others just like he had done with Roman during the trial that he had been… neglected from joining. He was just showing them this to get them to trust him, there was nothing else about it. Just…

Just trickery.

The excitement on Janus’ face faltered. “You.. you didn’t tell him?” He uttered softly, his eyes quickly darting from Logan’s face to Roman’s. A look of what could only be considered fear darted over his eyes, although fear over what Logan didn’t know. “You brought him here and you didn’t even tell him what he was going to be walking into?!”

Janus’ heart thudded heavily in his chest, as a feeling being far too exposed washed over him in waves.

Logan had seen him relaxed.

Logan had seen him as he usually was.

Logan had seen him without the walls that he’d meticulously built up for years.

Logan had seen him… Logan had seen him.

What if he told the others? What if he told Thomas? Logan wasn’t exactly known for telling lies, if anything blunt honesty was usually the way that the logical side went about his business. He could tell the others, and it would be no skin off of his nose. He would tell them.

He would tell them if he got the chance to, he definitely would.

His fingers hooked into the blankets surrounding him, gathering them around his shoulders as if they were an invisibility cloak that would shield him from the others’ gaze. Scrunching it around his shoulders and over his head, Janus felt the fire in the fireplace sputtering out as the terror continued to thrum in his veins. They wouldn’t listen to him anymore, they’d laugh at him, and Thomas would go right back to the habits that he’d tried so hard to avoid before.

Everything would be useless.

Janus.. Janus would be useless.

“Janus? Janus?” Janus’ mind snapped back to the present as he felt Roman’s gentle hands rocking him where he sat. “I’m sorry for not telling him beforehand, I figured that it would be easier if I were to bring him here and we could both explain everything to him.” Roman’s heart had frozen at the sight of utter terror that had crossed Janus’ face, well before the dishonest side had tucked himself away like a terrified squirrel under his little burrow. “I’m sorry for not making that clear before, do you.. do you want us to leave?”

Roman hoped not, he desperately and dearly hoped not.

But seeing Janus’ careful ragged breaths moving the blankets, he had no idea of what the final verdict would be this time. He wasn’t the judge, and Janus’ face was hidden so he had no idea of just what he’d say. He didn’t want to have to go, he didn’t want to leave Janus after everything he’d figured out about him. After… after the future that he’d promised to try and make for him and Logan.

“Roman,” Logan’s voice softened to almost a whisper as the logical side laid his hand on the creative side’s arm. “Give him a little space, it is likely that he’s just having a panic episode. Crowding him wouldn’t be the best option for him right now. Why don’t we sit and give him some breathing room?”

Leading Roman away from the other side, Logan guided him to a comfortable looking sofa that had been pushed against the wall. Once he’d had Roman seated, Logan settled in next to him. Casting his gaze from the fireplace that was steadily retaining its light and warmth, to the bookshelves that held endless amounts of knowledge in them. It was a very nice looking place, a sort of mix between what would have been Roman’s and his room had they decided to collaborate and make one for the both of them. It was very quaint and homey, if Logan had to use words those would be the exact ones he’d use to describe it.

Warm was another one.

“You don’t have to leave,” Janus finally uttered from his place hidden under the blankets, “I was just… shocked that Roman hadn’t told you, and.. and scared that…” Movement came from his giant pile, and two mismatched eyes looked back at Logan with a fair amount of uncertainty. “I was scared that you’d tell the others, and once they’d know, they’d never take my act in front of Thomas seriously, and they’d just… laugh anytime I needed him to take care of himself. I didn’t know how you’d react and well… I still want to be taken seriously, even if I happen to like being comfortable and not sneaky or sly.Do you.. do you understand?” Janus finally asked, tugging the edge of the covers down just a little bit more, and letting his hair poke out just a little.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation in Logan’s voice, not a single octave or syllable even hinted that he didn’t understand exactly what Janus was feeling.

He knew.

He knew all too well.

A deep sigh tinged with regret fell from Logan’s lips as he finally stood up, making his way over to Janus’ side before plopping down in front of him. “I know exactly what you mean.” He muttered, distaste coloring his voice. “But…” He added just as quickly. “I don’t understand why Roman wanted me here, I understand if he wanted to share a secret. I’ll gladly keep it, Thomas and the others won’t hear a single thing from me. But... that doesn’t appear to be the case. So what exactly is going on?”

A glance was shared between Janus and Roman, one as quick as a fish in a stream, but one that Logan caught onto nonetheless.

Janus’ fingers fiddled with the ends of his knitting needles, while Roman tapped his feet together focusing on the sensation of the carpet fibers between his toes.

“Logan…” Roman began softly, “When was the last time you smiled?”

And just like that, it felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over Logan’s head. A seven worded question, that was all it had taken to send Logan’s mind to a screeching halt well before it had even started. His nails bit into the palms of his hands, and his lungs burned from the prolonged breath that he had forgotten to take as soon as Roman had prompted the question. Whatever he had been expecting from the both of them, this.. this was not it. The muscles in his legs itched to move, to take him far away from this feelingsy conversation and questions involved in it.

“I’m leaving.” Logan croaked after a minute of pure silence.

As soon as his legs moved to make him stand he almost wobbled, but weak or not his legs could at least carry him to the door.

But apparently not fast enough, as like a snake in the grass, Janus’ hand darted out wrapping around Logan’s wrist and preventing him from taking even a single step away from the other side.

The grip wasn’t strong, and if Logan’s had really and truly tried he could have broken away from it. “Logan, please.” Janus softly intoned, attempting to keep his gaze firmly on Logan, and not on Roman coming up behind the logical side to stop him from making a break for it. “When was the last time you felt happy enough to smile? Please Logan...”

Wordlessly Logan shook his head at the request, as he pathetically attempted to tug his hand out of Janus’ grip. Even with that though, he couldn’t make himself muster the force to break it. He knew what the answer was, but he also knew that he didn’t want to answer it because that would just be one more way that he had failed to keep emotions away from his logical fallacy. It would just be one more way that he had failed at his one and only job, just another tally. But even so…

Logan’s bottom lip trembled for a second, with a truth that burdened his body and mind. “I don’t know.” The whisper came out cracked and broken, just another way to make the side that it had come from.

And with that one little utterance, his knees finally caved sending him back onto the spot he had just risen from.

“I don’t know.” He repeated again, now feeling the frustrated tears prickling at his eyes like pollen in the spring. “Why can’t I remember?!” He angrily and yet wetly huffed, as he tried with all his might to scrape away the tears from his face before they could ever begin. “I must have! I know that I must have recently! But.. but I just can’t remember!” Logan’s entire body shuddered with the force of the sob that rolled through him a hurricane decimating the coast. His hands clasped at his hair, as his arms shielded his face from the only two sides that had ever seen him cry.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried either, and try as he may… right now he couldn’t seem to stop.

He didn’t want to stop.

Here there were no stupid songs forcing him to sing out whatever emotions he was having.

Here there were no Patton’s to make puns about his feelings.

Here he didn’t have to uphold the needlessly rough standards he had for himself in front of Thomas.

Here he didn’t just have to be logic.

Here… with Roman and Janus on both sides of him… he was safe.

So he cried, he cried until he felt like he couldn’t cry anymore. Until every emotion he’d ever felt came spilling out of him all at once, for what must have been hours upon hours. Until his head was resting on Janus’ knee while the other side gingerly ran his fingers through his hair, soothing the dry sobs right out of him. Until he felt Roman’s blisteringly warm hands resting firmly on his back, promising not to go anywhere. For the first time he felt safe enough to let out these emotions, as scary and unpredictable as they may be.

The hand on his back moved a little. “Logan,” Came Roman’s voice close to his back, “I don’t want any of us to have to hide like this again. Janus has been hiding and masking himself for years, so have you, and… I don’t want to do it. I never want to have to do it to feel like I have to survive. That’s why I brought you here, that why Janus let me show you his room. If.. if we want things to start changing for the better… we have to take the first step.”

Sniffling, Logan raised his head a little, looking back at Roman’s surprisingly serious face. He supposed that in a way that Roman was right, he hadn’t even been sure for how long he was going to keep his unfeeling and emotionless facade up or if it would just eventually become a part of himself if he let it go on for long enough. What would have happened if Roman had never gotten him out of his bedroom? If he’d just let Logan be there, unhappy and locked away from everyone who intentionally and unintentionally hurt him.

Nothing would change.

Just one cycle after another, with all of them suffering in silence unable to read the other.

“We’re not mind readers.” Logan mumbled, more to himself than anything. “We shouldn’t expect the other to be either…”

“What?” Janus asked, unable to hear Logan through the folds of fabric, and judging from the look on Roman’s face he certainly hadn’t heard him any better either.

A light dusting of pink made its way over the tops of Logan’s ears.

Giving a little cough though he repeated himself. “I said…” Logan scratched the back of his neck. “None of us are mind readers, and we shouldn’t expect the others to be if we’re not. Hiding and scurrying away when it comes to our true feelings, and acting passive aggressive helps nothing if it just keeps building and building when nobody notices it.” Fiddling with the fabric Logan went on, feeling as if he was digging his own grave at this point. “If.. if someone brings something up in front of the others… we need to have each others’ back, especially if it's something… precious to us.”

Almost immediately Logan felt a pair of hands come up behind him ruffling up his hair, making it stick straight up in the air as Roman grinned at him. Before he even knew it Roman had hooked his arms from behind Logan, giving him the biggest squeeze of a hug that he’d ever felt. And the pride bursting within Janus’ eyes spoke leagues, even if there was nothing else about Janus’ body language that said so.

“If you tell me something that you want to be seriously taken, I won’t laugh at you. And I’ll make sure that the others won’t either.” Roman promised, but not before crossing a giant X over his heart and pretending to jab out his eye. “Janus, if you ever want to show up as you are, and not who they expect… I will stand behind them one hundred percent, and I will stand against them if they have anything bad to say about it at all.” He promised, warmth flooding his chest as he looked down at his two best friends. “I want the both of you to be comfortable and safe. I want you to be able to smile without worry.”

Logan hadn’t thought it possible for his week to end up like this, since the most recent interaction with Janus he’d felt shoved to the side and forgotten. To the point where he was ready to just decide in his room and not make any kinds of comments unless called on by another. But having Roman come to him, and having Roman make his promises…

It felt a lot like hope.

“I hope you know that I will do the same for you,” Logan uttered softness filling his voice, “If they say anything about your ideas that you’re excited for, or have anything to say about how you treat either of us… I have your back, I’ll stand by you.” And turning his gaze to Janus, the one side that he’d thought he’s have to fight against his falsehoods forever. He saw him for who he really was, and who he wanted to be. “I promise you… I will not ever let them laugh at you, I will take you seriously even if they try not to.” A tiny smile quirked onto Logan’s lips, the first one in a long while. “I’ll yell with my teacher's voice.”

“You two will always have a place here.” Janus uttered with a fair amount of reverence. “Through good and bad, if you need me I will be here for you. Should the others turn their backs on you. I won’t. That is a promise.”

Maybe it was just the warmth of Janus’ room, blazing even brighter, but…

They all felt a little warmer that night, ready to take on whatever demons laid in wait for them the next morning.

[dirtyhelen]

with you, a girl could get bolder (i just wanna be a little bit closer) - part one

PART ONE: can you feel it? (Series Masterlist) Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Rating: Explicit (18+) Featuring: Smut; Angst; Sex Pollen/Aphrodisiacs; Dubious Consent; Loss of Virginity; First Time; Vaginal Sex; Cunnilingus; Creampie; Dirty Talk Words: 5484 Summary: For a single moment there is absolute silence as you and Bucky stare down at the broken glass and the silvery mist rising from it with shocking speed and volume. “Oh, fuck.” You and Bucky get hit with an extremely powerful aphrodisiac, resulting in some mind-blowing (but dubiously consensual) sex on a quinjet. And if sleeping with a coworker in a drug-fueled haze wasn’t bad enough, you’ve also had an unrequited crush on him for months. A/N: My first multi-chapter fic! My first attempt at something resembling a plot! There will be 3 parts, about 15k total. Titles are from Want You In My Room by Carly Rae Jepsen. Part 2 will be out next week!

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“Thanks, Steve,” you say as he sets your bag in one of the quinjet’s storage compartments. Ever the gentleman, he’d insisted on carrying your luggage for you, since he was headed the same way anyway. Just a few minutes ago the jet was bustling with technicians packing away carefully labelled silver briefcases, but now it’s just you, Steve, Bucky, and Bruce. Bucky is headed to Wakanda, summoned by Shuri with the promise of impressive new upgrades for his arm. The briefcases are samples of chemical solutions the Avengers recently confiscated from an enemy base. They’re also headed to Wakanda, to be examined in one of the country’s laboratories even Tony - begrudgingly – has to admit are more advanced than his own. Along the way, Bucky will be dropping you in Zurich to meet up with Pepper. She’s attending a fancy business retreat there and snagged you an invite under the guise of professional development and maintaining the relationship between Stark Industries and the Avengers. As though being married to Iron Man isn’t enough to cement that relationship. Really, she just hates being outnumbered by arrogant, misogynistic billionaires and wants the company. You’re certainly not complaining. A chance to eat ridiculously expensive food and shit talk gross old men in view of the Swiss Alps? Beats running around after the team, keeping track of a thousand conflicting schedules and chasing down late mission reports. You spend another minute or two idly chatting with Steve and Bruce as Bucky makes himself busy at the instrument panel. The jet can basically fly itself, but you suspect Bucky gets a bit of a thrill any time he gets to be in the cockpit, tech nerd that he is. “You sure you have everything?” Steve asks you with a teasing smirk. “It’s a whole two days, you know. Pretty sure that requires at least a dozen books.” “Oh, har-har,” you grumble. “God, you overpack one time and it turns into a whole thing!” “Didn’t you take like four pairs of shoes and two books for a day trip?” Bruce calls as he walks down the ramp, heading back to the lab, you’re sure. “It was three pairs and you can’t always rely on weather forecasts!” you shout after him. Steve jokingly rolls his eyes. “Of course. And the books?” “Two is a perfectly reasonable number of books to bring on a day trip,” you protest primly. “And if I recall correctly, you ended up borrowing one of those books on the way home, so you’re welcome.” “Fair enough,” Steve laughs, holding out his hands in mock concession and turning to say his goodbyes to Bucky, currently bent over the panel, confidently pressing buttons and flicking toggles. It gives you some comfort. You’re a bit of a nervous flier, but Bucky seems to know what he’s doing and the Avengers’ personal jet has to be a lot safer than any commercial plane you’ve ever been on anyway. Though it’s more than just the thought of crashing into the Atlantic ocean that has you on edge. Three hours. That’s approximately how long you’ll be confined with Bucky in a high-tech tin can. Three hours to sit in awkward silence, or worse, awkward conversation if your previous interactions are anything to go by. Chances are you’ll try to make small talk but somehow end up saying something stupid while Bucky just sort of looks at you like he’s wondering how you managed to get this job in the first place. It’s a reasonable question, to be fair, and one you’ve asked yourself at least once every day since you started. Not that you’re a notably skilled conversationalist in general, but around Bucky, you can barely manage to string two coherent sentences together. You can’t help it! You just like him so fucking much and you want him to like you even just a little, so you try to be cool and relaxed and chill. Like Natasha or Sam, the two people who, apart from Steve, he seems to actually be comfortable around. Unfortunately, you are neither cool nor relaxed and you definitely are not chill. No, you are a grab-bag of somewhat less attractive personality traits like excitable and dorky and perpetually-fucking-nervous, all wrapped up in sensible shoes and practical, un-sexy clothing. Basically the anti-Nat, or any person you can imagine Bucky being attracted to. So when you try to converse with him like a normal person you usually end up rambling on like an alien who watched one episode of Gilmore Girls and thought that was how humans really communicated with each other. Not exactly a turn on. Sadly, knowing you have absolutely no chance with him does nothing to stop your feelings. If anything it only makes them stronger somehow. No harm in letting yourself become totally obsessed with the guy since it’s not like you’ll ever tell him how you feel, therefore there’s no chance of rejection! Foolproof! Really though, you don’t know how you could have avoided falling for him anyway, even if you had tried. As a member of the team’s admin staff, you see them basically every day. Relaxing, training, doing press and charity events – everything but actually going on missions. After months of chatting during meetings, discussing schedules and events, and working in the same place they live, you’ve gotten to know them pretty well, you think. And despite Bucky’s taciturn demeanor, the White Wolf seems more like a puppy to you. Sure, his resting expression has a tendency to read as slightly murderous and he's undoubtedly deadly in the field, but there's another side to him too. Bucky is enthralled with all things technological. Whenever there’s a presentation on new tools for the team Bucky is there, bright-eyed and attentive, with thoughtful, clever questions on how it all works, and he’s not shy about making suggestions either. He shamelessly enjoys all things soft and cozy – fuzzy blankets, knit sweaters, his cat. Alpine was a stray Bucky found wandering the grounds of the compound. Now she wanders the residential wing instead, usually wherever Bucky is. He could be bitter and angry and cruel after everything he’s been through – and God knows he’d have every right – but he’s not. He has his bad days, of course. Days at a time where you hardly see him except for mandatory meetings or training, and then with dark shadows under his eyes and a heavy blankness that seems etched into his face. But most of the time it’s clear he wants to be part of the world. With his never-ending curiosity about all the things he missed, or never had the freedom to enjoy. With his dark, wry humor and the fond way he can’t help but look at Steve whenever he says something that must remind him of before the war. With the way he tries so goddamn hard to put some good back into the world, to make up for things that weren’t even his fault. You truly don’t understand how anyone could know him and not love him. You certainly never stood a chance. “See you, pal. Text me when you land.” Steve’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve been staring into nothing for longer than you realized. “Say hi to Pepper for me!” he calls to you as he leaves. And with that, it’s just you and Bucky. For the next three hours. +++ The awkward silence – apart from a quiet, “You ready?” from Bucky just before take-off – lasts all of ten minutes. That’s as long as you can go before the pressure to say something becomes irresistible. Being bad at talking to Bucky has never kept you from trying, unfortunately. “You excited to go back to Wakanda?” you ask. Bucky nods. “Yeah. It’ll be nice to see Shuri again.” He says it with a soft smile and you know he means it. He clearly has a deep affection and respect for her. “I bet. She seems ridiculously cool. Honestly, I wanna be her when I grow up,” you joke, then immediately cringe. I wanna be her when I grow up? Come on! Bucky laughs politely and the jet is once again silent. Bucky seems content to just sit with his thoughts, but the jet’s at cruising altitude now so you take the opportunity to get out of your seat and grab one of the only two books from your bag. Can’t say anything stupid if you’re too busy reading! Check and mate, Rogers. You’re elbow deep in toiletries and underwear, having decided blindly digging around would be preferable to actually taking the bag down and fully unzipping it, when you decide to try speaking again.   “So do you know what upgrades you’re getting? You know, for –” you gesture at your left arm, or try to, except you use the arm currently being eaten by your suitcase at the exact moment the jet hits a patch of turbulence, jostling you and your luggage. Bucky jumps up, darting over to steady you with a hand on your back. As a part of your mind becomes consumed with thoughts of, holy shit he’s touching me, you manage to wrench your arm out of your suitcase, sending it to knock against the silver briefcase next to it. The impact shifts the briefcase slightly. The next bump of the jet a moment later has it falling out of the storage unit entirely. The silver briefcases used by the Avengers to transport dangerous or delicate materials are very cleverly designed so that – properly clasped – they could be used as a football for an NFL game with no ill-effects. Which is how you know this case has very clearly not been properly clasped because as it falls it springs open, and a small vial of clear liquid hits the floor. And shatters. For a single moment there is absolute silence as you and Bucky stare down at the broken glass and the thin, silvery mist rising from it with shocking speed and volume, filling the space around your bodies. “Oh, fuck,” you breathe. Bucky snaps into action, grabbing you by the arm and tugging you toward the sleeping compartments in the back of the jet, calling for FRIDAY along the way. “Get us back to the compound now,” he orders. “And get Stark or Banner on the line.” He shoves you inside the nearest cabin, following and sliding the door shut behind him. Immediately he’s gripping you by the shoulders and turning you to face him. “Did any of it get on you? On your clothes?” he asks urgently, eyes scanning your body. “No! I mean, not the liquid, I don’t think. But what about that mist or vapour or whatever? What if we breathed it in?” You have no idea what was in that vial. “Oh God, we’re gonna die,” you moan, anxiously pacing the tiny room. “Or I am, anyway. You’ll probably be fine. Fuck. Oh my God. What if it’s like, some flesh-eating poison? Am I gonna turn into the Hulk?” Your heart races and you feel hot. You can’t tell if it’s just fear or something worse but whatever it is must show on your face because Bucky gently guides you to sit on the narrow bed as the call finally connects. “Hey, Bucky, what’s up?” It’s Bruce, thank God. You’re not sure you could handle even the briefest and most well-meaning witticism from Tony right now. Bucky very quickly briefs Bruce on the situation, finishing with, “Any idea what the fuck was in that case?” You can hear the anxiety in Bruce’s voice. “Shit, I don’t know. Not unless you have the label. And we didn’t really examine them, just packed them up.” “Fucking great!” you can’t help but interject, throwing your hands in the air and receiving a concerned look from Bucky in return “But listen, guys. You’re on your way back to the compound – FRIDAY says 30 minutes tops. I’ll have medical and biochem ready as soon as you touch down. And it’s already been what? Like five minutes? If nothing’s happened yet, you’re probably fine? Just sit tight and don’t leave the cabin. The doors seal airtight so nothing can get through.” And with that, Bruce hangs up to get everything ready for your return, leaving you and Bucky at opposite ends of an very small space. You’ve never been claustrophobic before but you must be developing the fear because the walls feel like they’re closing in and your heart feels like it’s about to beat its way out of your chest. “Okay, wow. Great. ‘Sit tight.’ That’s awesome, just awesome.” You look around the room, empty except for the bunk you’re sitting on. “What are we supposed to do now? Play twenty fucking questions?” Your relaxing weekend abroad has disappeared and apparently taken your brain-to-mouth filter with it. Between that, your racing heart, and the increasing heat spreading through your body you’re not entirely sure that you’re probably fine, but you’re chalking it up to anxiety because it’s not like there’s anything you can do about it anyway. Except sit tight. Looking up at Bucky you can see his cheeks have taken on a pink flush, but again, that’s probably just stress. Or maybe annoyance at having to be trapped in a tiny room with you and your panicked blathering for the next half hour. Sighing, he sinks to the floor, resting his back against the door and stretching out his legs in front of him. “Nothin’ to do but wait, doll.” Your eyes flash to his. Doll. He’s never called you that before. He’s never really called you anything before. Bucky seems to have noticed it too because he furrows his brows, looking like he’s just as surprised as you are. There’s a brief moment of eye contact before you both quickly look away, choosing not to address it. Probably just a habit, you think. A remnant of the Bucky that existed long before you were born, jumping out in a moment of stress. A heavy silence falls, leaving you both to your own thoughts. You try to focus on breathing, on staying calm, but your mind keeps straying and it feels like there’s too much energy in your body. Your skin practically itches with it and you squirm, unable to get comfortable but not sure exactly why. You can hear Bucky tapping his foot on the floor, the sound of him shifting around. You wonder if he feels it too. Bucky… Doll. The way it had fallen out of his mouth so casually, so easily. As though he’d said it to you a hundred times. You feel a spark bubble up inside you picturing Bucky’s flushed cheeks and that word. You imagine him saying it breathlessly, reverently, just before his lips touch yours. Or growling it out as he moves inside you… Fuck, doll, just like that. You nearly let out a whimper and you feel a rush of slick in your panties, shocking you out of your fantasy as you become uncomfortably aware of just how wet you are. That spreading heat flares even more than before and you realize you must have been dripping into your underwear for longer than just the last few seconds. There’s a deep throb of arousal in your core, stronger than anything you’ve felt before, like that unbearable energy under your skin has been pulled to settle deep inside you. It’s confusing – far too powerful to be the result of a vague, half-imagined fantasy. But even as you wonder at what’s happening, it’s like a fog settles over you, the confusion half-hearted, nothing compared to the growing urge to touch, to quell the burning fire inside you. Before you can even consciously register the movement, your hand is making its way to your pussy. Any shock or embarrassment at your wildly inappropriate behaviour is slow to appear and dulled when it does. Snatching your hand back just as it nears the apex of your thighs is like walking through deep water, like you have to convince yourself why you shouldn’t get off in front of a co-worker. Your eyes flash to Bucky, wondering if he’s seen, if he’s affected the same way you are, only to find his gaze already fixed on you, blue eyes blown nearly black. His fists are clenched at his sides and his lips are bitten red and spit-slick. He breathes in deep, nostrils flaring, and you realize he can smell you. It should be humiliating. You should be turning away in humiliation, but instead, you feel yourself get – somehow, impossibly – wetter and this time you can’t contain the helpless whimper when Bucky groans and licks his lips in response. It’s as if with that sound the floodgates have opened because in an instant you’re slipping off the bed and throwing yourself at him, desperate to be closer, as close as physically possible. You scramble on top of him, graceless and frantic, straddling his thighs and wrapping your arms around his neck. Bucky’s hands grip your ass, pulling you closer and grinding you down on his cock, pressing hard and hot against you even through your clothes. There’s a moment – a tiny fraction of a second – where you catch each other’s eyes. A pause, where you think you see something, some emotion on Bucky's face, but you don't have time to decipher it before he’s surging up to press his lips against yours and a bomb is set off inside you. You have no idea what you’re doing – your experiences up to now have been limited to a handful of lackluster kisses with people not worth remembering – but Bucky doesn’t seem to notice or mind. He holds your face firmly in his hands, turning your head to suit him as he licks into your mouth and you do your best to mimic his actions, clumsy in your mindless passion. He takes your bottom lip between his teeth and you gasp, rocking your hips against his, trying to get some friction on your throbbing clit. He thrusts up against you and you move together but it’s not enough. It’s clear whatever was in that vial has created a thirst in you that won’t be quenched by a heated make-out session and you pull away from Bucky's mouth, moaning as he tilts your head back to kiss your neck, licking and sucking at the tender skin. “More,” you gasp. “I need more.” You feel him nod against your throat and with one last, deep kiss to your lips Bucky grips you by the hips and lifts you off him, shifting to rest his weight on his heels before reaching to push your dress up over your waist. Almost all of your higher brain function is devoted to being as close to Bucky as possible but far in the back of your mind, there’s a small part of you that’s simply shocked at what’s happening, at the sensations coursing through your body. You have never felt this uninhibited in your entire life. You were a shy, anxious child who grew into a somewhat less shy, anxious adult, easily embarrassed and prone to overthinking. But now, with that silvery mist working its way through your system, you’ve never felt so shameless. Bucky is feverishly slipping off your shoes and tugging down your tights and you’re not thinking about how you haven’t shaved your legs in weeks or how you’re wearing an old pair of plain cotton panties or any of the dozens of worries that would be running through your head under normal circumstances. (Not that Bucky would be undressing you at all, under normal circumstances.) No. Instead of overthinking and paralyzing yourself with fear, you’re pulling your dress over your head and reaching back to unclasp your bra so you can get your own hands on your breasts. You could almost just sit and bask in this unfamiliar feeling of freedom if it weren’t for the hot ache in your core that threatens to burn you alive with every moment you go untouched. As soon as your tights have been pulled off and tossed aside, Bucky is shouldering your legs apart and leaning forward to press his nose against the wet patch on your panties, breathing deep. “Fuck, doll. I need to taste you.” You whimper as his tongue darts out to lick a wide stripe up the length of your covered cunt. His hands move to your hips and in an instant, your panties are torn from your body and his mouth is on your bare skin for the first time. You can’t help but gasp as he presses an open-mouthed kiss to your folds. His tongue licks up your opening and circles your clit before moving back down and slipping inside you, drinking up your slick. Bucky growls against your pussy. “So fucking good.” His tongue moves back to your clit and he laps at it in short, teasing flicks. You begin to buck helplessly and Bucky’s metal arm brackets your hips, holding you still for his mouth. He switches to deep, firm circles over your clit, alternating with wide laps over the whole of your cunt. You’re losing your mind, flat on your back with your legs thrown over Bucky’s shoulders, heels pressing into his back. You’ve never felt anything like this. You haven’t even come yet but it’s already more intense than any orgasm you’ve ever given yourself. You feel two fingers against your opening and you fight Bucky’s grip over your hipbones, trying to grind yourself down onto him. He chuckles at your efforts and presses just the tips of his fingers inside you. “So needy, huh? Just wanna be filled up, don’t you?” You have no idea how he’s able to tease right now when you're ready to fall to your knees and plead just for the chance at an orgasm. You whine, trying again to slide down onto his fingers but his metal arm keeps you from moving a single inch and you toss your head back with a wail. “Please, Bucky,” you sob. “I need it, I need you. Please.” You feel no embarrassment at your begging. The fire inside you is growing hotter and hotter. You need him. You need to be filled, fucked. You feel like you’ll die if he doesn’t fuck you now. The teasing tone drops out of Bucky’s voice and he presses messy kisses to your inner thighs. “I know, I know. I feel it too. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m gonna fill you up so good. Stuff you full. Gonna make you feel so good, make it better.” His fingers finally slip into you, sliding easily through your wetness. He starts thrusting and his tongue circles your clit again as his fingers curl. He focuses on your g-spot, stroking roughly as he pulls your clit into his mouth and sucks. You’re coming in seconds with a series of breathy moans, thighs clamped tightly around Bucky’s head. He doesn’t let up, only pulling away when you tug at his hair, the sensations too much. He kisses you, sliding his tongue against yours and you can taste yourself in his mouth. It reignites the fire your orgasm had dulled slightly and you pull away, about to plead for more, but it seems Bucky has finally reached his limit. His hands work at his belt and he shoves his jeans and briefs down just enough to free his cock. You’ve never really seen one in person before and maybe under different circumstances you’d take a moment to get familiar, but right now all you can do is spread your legs and beg. Bucky quickly positions himself above you, lining his cock up with your entrance. He drags the head along your pussy a couple times, groaning as he slicks himself up and begins to push into you. He’s bigger than anything you’ve ever had inside you hardly notice the sting. It’s nothing compared to the raging chorus inside you chanting more, more, more. In one single, hurried thrust he’s fully inside, your bodies pressed flush together. Bucky moans. “So fucking tight, fuck. You feel so goddamn good, doll,” he pants above you, leaning down for a filthy kiss, wet and open. “Fucking move, please,” you beg, hooking your legs around him and digging in your heels. Bucky growls into your mouth and pulls out almost entirely before thrusting back inside hard, pulling a sound from deep in your throat. He repeats the move a handful of times before settling into a harsh, pounding rhythm with his face buried in your neck. You cling to his back, senseless, unable to focus on anything but how good you feel. Your brain feels fuzzy and empty and every thrust drags his cock along your g-spot and it’s too much, too good. You’re a gasping, panting mess. It’s not long before his hips start to stutter, his rhythm breaking as he moans out above you. Your hand slides down your body to your clit and you rub firm circles around it. A few swipes and you’re coming, harder than you ever have in your life, with a high, keening moan. The tight squeezes of your cunt have Bucky coming too and you feel a warmth release inside you as he collapses against your chest. Neither of you moves for a long moment, your heavy, mingled breaths the only sound in the room. There’s still some lingering fog as you soak in the afterglow of your drug-intensified orgasm, but it seems like the chemical has run its course and clarity is quickly returning to you. The silence is broken by FRIDAY announcing your approach to one of the landing pads, and you feel the jet begin its descent a moment later. Her voice hits you like a slap in the face, a stark reminder of what’s really happening here, what you’ve just done. It seems Bucky feels the same, because he leans back just enough to look you in the eyes and a long moment of horrified recognition passes between you. Your breathing picks up again as panic surges through you. You start to squirm under his weight but he’s already moving. You wince as he pulls out of you, suddenly aware of a deep soreness between your legs. In seconds, Bucky has tucked himself back into his jeans, and he storms out of the cabin without a backward glance. So eager to get away from you he doesn’t seem to care that he might be walking directly into a toxic cloud. Like anything would be better than being trapped with you for another moment. You lay there on the floor, naked and shivering, with Bucky’s cum starting to leak out of you as you struggle to take a breath, all the anxiety and uncertainty the drug had masked flooding back to you at once. You force yourself to sit up and pull your clothes back on, cringing as you feel the mess between your legs seep into your tights. You hastily stuff your ruined panties in your pocket. You take a few deep breaths and try to still your shaking hands as you hear footsteps approaching the cabin. You’re given a respirator and guided off the jet into a throng of people awaiting your arrival, Bucky nowhere to be seen. White-coated staff swarm you and lead you inside. +++ You wish you could say the next several hours are a blur, but they are, unfortunately, exceptionally, horrifically clear. You’re taken through a decontamination shower, though you’re really not sure how much good it could do at this point, then poked and prodded with needles and swabs while having the most mortifying conversation of your life. You feel nearly choked with a shocking, burning shame. This morning you woke up nervous and excited for a weekend away, and now you’re telling a handful of strangers how you just had sex for the first time in an uncontrollable, frenzied state of lust with one of the Avengers. And as though it couldn’t be worse, it’s made all the more humiliating by the lingering throb of arousal thrumming through you the entire time. It seems whatever this drug is, the two orgasms you’ve already had weren’t enough to neutralize it, though at least you have enough self-control now to keep from shoving your hand down your pants in front of everyone in the room. Finally, after what seems like hours and unfortunately really is hours, you’re told to go home and rest. You’ve been given an emergency contraceptive, a pamphlet for the Employee Assistance Program, a number to call if you feel any strange symptoms, and told that someone will follow up with you in the next day or so. You feel numb as you enter your apartment, tugging off your med-bay issued scrubs on the way to the bathroom. You get yourself off in the shower, and though it’s the most joyless orgasm of your life, it seems to finally clear any lingering arousal from your system. Wincing at the tenderness between your legs, you scrub yourself clean under the hot spray, half wishing you could dissolve into a puddle and wash away down the drain with the soapy water. You’re getting ready for bed when your thoughts take a sudden turn to Bucky for the first time in hours. You’d been so overwhelmed by all the tests and questions, so cocooned in your own embarrassment you’d practically forgotten about him. Guilt rushes through you at your own selfish thoughtlessness. Feeling so sorry for yourself like you were the only victim. Like you were the victim at all. You’ve had a crush on Bucky for months, have spent more time than you’d like to admit imagining being with him in ways both innocent and obscene. But he’s never looked twice at you, barely speaks to you except for unavoidable work discussions. Not that you expect anything different. Someone like him would never want to be with you anywhere outside your daydreams. Except now he has been with you. Forced against his will to take part in some horrific act, because surely that’s how Bucky must see it, now the fog of uncontrollable lust has cleared. You had sex for the first time in decidedly unwanted conditions, but at least it was with someone you’re genuinely attracted to, someone you have feelings for. Bucky had been forced to have sex with someone he didn’t even like, much less desire. After everything he’s been through, how hard he’s worked to find a place where he can feel safe and in control of his own life – his own body. Only to have that control taken from him again in the most indecent way. Shame, viscous and thick, swells in your throat like sickness and your eyes fill with tears. No wonder Bucky ran out of the cabin the way he had. You feel so much worse because of your feelings for him. Dirty and wrong because you would have enjoyed the sex even without the drug. You know, deep down, it’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to knock the case over and you had no idea what was inside – not to mention you weren’t the one who forgot to latch it – but you can’t help but feel responsible for what happened and you wonder if Bucky feels the same. If he knows about your feelings and thinks you orchestrated the entire thing on purpose. You wouldn’t blame him if he did. And the rest of the team! If they don’t know already, they will soon enough. What if they blame you too? What if they’re disgusted by you? Anxiety spreads through your body from your pounding heart, filling your limbs. You can’t breathe, you can’t think. You feel boiling hot and ice cold all at once. Collapsing to your bedroom floor, you bring your hands to your thighs, digging your fingernails into the skin. The sharp pain distracts you from the heavy panic flooding your body enough to let you focus on breathing in, then out, repeating the words in your head until you feel your heart rate settle, the panic easing a little. You pull yourself up off the floor and push yourself through the motions of getting ready for bed. The intrusive thoughts are still there (everyone hates you. You’re going to lose your job. Are you sure you didn’t do it on purpose?) but you try to ignore them. There’s nothing you can do about anything right now and thinking yourself into a panic attack won’t do any good. You turn on an old episode of your favourite show and get in bed, tugging the covers up to your neck and focusing on the screen, allowing the familiar storylines to dull the intensity of your thoughts until you finally fall asleep. A/N: And that’s the end of Part 1! Thanks for reading and feel free to like, comment, and/or reblog and let me know what you thought! I spent a truly ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out the whole sex pollen aspect and I’m still not totally happy with it hahah but I hope it doesn’t seem too shoe-horned in 😝 Anything else that you’d like to see tagged/warned for, let me know!!

[itoldsunset]

rewatching ipytm episode 2: thoughts

apologies in advance for this very messy, very long bullet scene-by-scene commentary!

summary: this was a very hard episode to watch and rewatch. the frustration with teh is real, the hurt for oh-aew is real. but the fear of change and abandonment, and the fear of admitting your own insecurities, is SO coming of age and i love that we get to see teh grappling with what happens when the idealistic vision you had for your life slowly starts to crumble.

also, this episode (and possibly the entirety of part 2) was 100% the writers' and p'meen's love letter to comm arts students/graduates, and even though i am a total outsider to that world, it really touched my heart to see the diversity of experiences and struggles reflected here.

i love that we see how much closer teh has become with jai and khim!! this doesn't translate in the subs, but i thought it was interesting how teh used respectful pronouns with them when he was a first-year and now for the most part uses rude (familiar) pronouns with them as a second-year, even though they're still technically his seniors. i think it goes to show how close they've become since he first joined the drama club.

goy was so fucking CUTE in that scene when she said "oh, lots of boys are peeking at me, i'm shy" i think i'm in love 😭 also the cinematography of that scene!!

this episode does such a great job at making you feel uncomfortable along with the characters. i hated how uncomfortable teh was at the birthday party, and i could feel how out of place he felt there.

when mangpong talks about how easy it is for celebrities to make money and teh is clearly offended by that and speaks up against it (which results in yet another awkward uncomfortable moment), i feel like he's speaking up on behalf of khim who we later realize is basically his idol and the person he identifies the most with. i feel like p'meen and the writing team are really trying to represent the lives of people who go into communication arts, especially those who go in with an interest in performing arts. and for me that scene with mangpong communicates two things: 1) the defensiveness that comes with having your chosen career path misunderstood or reduced into something that's easy money, and 2) how close-knit and protective the drama club is of each other, because teh speaking up in defense of actors to me feels like he's defending this identity they all share as people who are struggling to make it in the industry.

oh-aew is SO sweet. getting a tattoo that resembles your partner's name gives me so much anxiety, but i guess he's 19 and has always been sure of his feelings so it does make sense for him. at first glance teh's reaction really just makes it sound like he's against tattoos, drinking, all that, like he's super old-fashioned, but it's not REALLY about the tattoo and we learn that later when they have their big fight and he blows up with all the nitpicky little things he's noticed about all the ways oh-aew has changed. i thought it was so cute how au basically showed off his tattoo to open the conversation for oh-aew to show teh his tattoo though. we love a supportive friend group!!!

"this tattoo is pretty. thank you." this is teh being as genuine as he can, as someone who is seriously not in touch with his own feelings and can't understand why he's so upset at oh-aew getting a tattoo. because again it's not the tattoo itself that's the problem, but what it represents for teh, which is oh-aew's world slowly expanding to include people and things that are foreign to teh, and he worries that one day that world won't have a place for him anymore.

drunk oh-aew speaking mandarin, and teh taking care of him!!! the only fluff we got all episode and i will cherish it forever and ever, like the aquarium scene from episode one. the fact that teh brought over the stuffed animal, kissed oh-aew on the forehead, and then decided to sleep over on the floor next to him? making him kimchi jjigae? so soft!! our boy has got a lot of issues to work through but he loves oh-aew for sure.

the scene where oh-aew is receiving feedback on his performance from his professor is so... oof. the fact that his classmate got positive feedback for portraying a gay man in a way that isn't stereotypical (read: masculine? i wonder?) and the fact that oh-aew was critiqued for unsuccessfully portraying the tone and mannerisms of a man who doesn't understand gay people? it's a bit subtler than what we hear from the casting director but i swear it's the same shit. and it really doesn't surprise me at all to see oh-aew not believe in himself and his ability to perform because of it.

teh saying "both of us" and being so excited about their casting opportunity!! 😭 and also, khim being such a sweetheart and helping them get this opportunity in the first place!

the contrast with how happy oh-aew looked when the advertising professor told him he had the right answer, compared to how torn down he looked after being critiqued and told he got a C by his acting professor (in front of the whole class!!). which tbh for me is subtle commentary on how much influence professors have on students' self-confidence and whether they believe in their own ability to succeed in their field.

the commentary on sexism and homophobia in the thai entertainment industry!! khim being told she looked too old, not smart enough, not believable, honestly all coded ways of saying she didn't fit in with the beauty standard they were going for. and while khim is saying this we see oh-aew is already getting nervous, because he's already had his confidence shaken by his experiences in class. and then when we get to the scene where the casting director says he's too girly and asks him to act more manly, we see oh-aew's mood shift completely, and honestly it hurts to watch. pp did such an amazing job here because i felt it, like the way oh-aew's eyes change, and then he swallows right after, and how unsettled he sounds trying to deliver the line again after hearing that critique.

oh-aew listening to khim tell teh about how hard it's been for her to break into the industry is so impactful, because you can already tell what he's thinking. is this really worth it? do i want this enough to endure people telling me over and over again i'm not masculine enough for them? is that going to be me in the future, being rejected from hundreds of castings and still not making it?

when teh hugs khim and says "we will get through this together," it's so clear that he identifies with her struggle. teh is someone who has worked his ass off to get to where he is (remember his fight with his mom where she said he lost sleep and was getting sick from all the studying he did?), and he sees himself in khim and her passion and ambition. meanwhile, we see oh-aew really doubting whether this is the right path for him.

i love how teh immediately asked if oh-aew was okay after oh-aew told him about what the casting director said, and how teh reassured him that he liked oh-aew the way he is. it's like, he so clearly cares for oh-aew and loves him so much and sometimes knows how to show it well, and then other times just fucks it up. it's so real??

oh-aew deciding to change majors three months into it is a very oh-aew thing to do, and what i mean by that is, this is a character who is super in touch with himself and his feelings and trusts in himself to make the right decisions. he's not afraid to change his mind (remember when he was testing out his feelings for bas and teh and then turned down bas once he knew?), he's bold and goes for what he wants. and i envy that about his character so much. but it makes me sad to know that the thing that was making him nervous during this scene was the fact that he was worried about how teh would react. like he went through all that questioning and critique himself, to finally discover his answer, only to now have to worry about whether his partner will accept him.

teh, on the other hand, has had his whole life planned out since forever. he feels the need to know and control everything. he has so much fear and insecurity. and he is stubborn and doesn't believe in giving up, which he believes is what oh-aew is doing. and on top of that, he sees this as another way in which he is losing oh-aew. one more thing oh-aew has in common with his friend group that doesn't include him. one more way that he's becoming a smaller part of oh-aew's world. oh-aew looked so small in the bathtub scene and i just wanted to hold him 😔

the 8 month time skip is a little jarring because of all the things we don't get to see, but i guess it makes sense if teh has been bottling up his insecurities about their relationship that it would all blow up in everyone's face in the way that it did at the dinner scene.

it was interesting to me how teh hesitated when oh-aew texted that he would join them for dinner, like teh didn't want oh-aew to come along with his drama club. and then once oh-aew arrives at the restaurant, we see that teh isn't totally happy either. it's like as much as teh feels like an outsider in oh-aew's world, he seems to also see oh-aew as an outsider in his own world too. and when top says he wanted to get into comm arts at anantasart but he didn't get in, we see teh's expression and it's like, a reminder that he gave up that spot for oh-aew, that teh didn't pass the admissions exam either, and that oh-aew who did pass has now "given up" on it (in teh's eyes) to pursue another major. it's like teh also feels betrayed on behalf of all the performing arts kids who are struggling to make their passion into a career.

i feel like i sort of get why teh said all that shit about oh-aew at the dinner table now. i'm not excusing it at all, that was super shitty of him. but i wonder if it's like, this is a thing they deal with in the performing arts, people giving up because it's so hard to make it in the industry. and you watch your friends leave one by one, and it keeps causing more and more doubt in yourself about whether you can make it. and now that teh sees oh-aew as someone who's given up, he doesn't want that energy at the dinner table with his drama friends, like he wants to protect them from that and keep up with this "we can get through this together" mentality that he keeps saying. so it's easier for him to try to dismiss it as oh-aew's personality flaw, rather than a legitimate change in career path, because he's worried about how it might affect his own friends in the drama club. and we see how protective teh is of khim, when he says "what the fuck did you just say?" like he really shares an identity with his drama club and it's clear he thinks oh-aew doesn't understand it or belong there.

needless to say, i was extremely stressed that entire dinner scene which i think means the writers, p'meen, and the actors did an excellent job.

their fight scene was really amazingly done and i am just stunned by teh's response when oh-aew asks him "what if this is who i really am, would you not like me anymore?" and teh thinks about it for a bit, and says "maybe." that's him being genuine, he's not trying to hurt oh-aew in saying that, and we can see him internally asking himself that question. but he doesn't know the answer, because he can't even be honest with himself about why he's upset at oh-aew. so he says the first thing he thinks which is an honest "maybe," and then he immediately regrets his words, and at some point he's going to have to learn that he can't just say the first thing that comes to mind, when other people's feelings are at stake. also, the fucking piano that plays? the violin? goddamn.

khim's character is really here to teach teh, and all of us, some life lessons. she is so real. her struggles are so real. life is fucking hard, and it's not fair, and no matter how hard you work or try you can't have it all. "the conditions for our lives are not the same" holy shit yes. she wants to take care of her family and her dog, she can't just think of herself. i feel like teh, who comes from a relatively modest background but has always had hoon as a father figure to support his mom, probably doesn't feel that same burden.

teh being frustrated and going to the bridge was beautiful. the crying hug scene at the dorm was so beautiful.

i love that in the end, teh finally owns up to his own insecurities and apologizes and admits he was wrong. of course, this was after oh-aew reached out to him first. i think it's totally realistic that we see his growth happening kind of slowly, but before the series ends he's going to need to be the first one to reach out, because oh-aew can't hold all of that on his own.

the last score when they hug under the moonlight, i love it!!

[damnusillygoose]

Series- Fairy tail

Pairing- Jerza

title-Resolve

Summary- with newfound optimism, erza and jellal, resolve the knitted tension in their relationship

fanfiction net- https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13961569/1/Resolve

AO3- https://archiveofourown.org/works/34085569

Erza clutched the contents of her purchase closer to her chest as she made a hasty retreat across the boulevard, heading straight towards the residence of a person she wanted to visit. It had started drizzling a while ago and the group of people gallivanting in front her quickly split apart in order to find a shelter to rest. She ran towards the end of the street, nearing her place of destination.

Gasping lightly, she opened the doorknob and set the slightly damp contents near the door. She took off her boots and stepped into the hall.

‘Erza? Is that you?’, she heard a faint voice coming from the kitchen.

She walked past the living room, following the sweet husky that lured her in.

‘Yes, Jellal. Its me.’, brushing down her skirt, she examined her clothes and made a mental note to take a quick shower.

‘Did you find the stuff you were looking for?’, Jellal enquired he stirred the contents of the pot for their dinner.

‘I did. I will store it in my Requip space after it gets dry. It started drizzling on my way back’

‘Really? Do you want a warm towel to dry yourself?’, he left the stove at sim and walked closer to take a good look at her.

‘No, its fine. Can I take a shower though?’

‘Sure. Our dinner will be ready by then.’

She murmured a low thank you and smiled at him flirtatiously before making her way to the bathroom.

It was somewhat cruel, she pondered as the water droplets trail down her body. Fate had a cruel way of keeping them apart from each other. Before it was his self-resolve and now it was her priorities that she had to fulfil. She thought they would finally get some time together after the Aldoron episode but their misadventure to Elentir ended up absorbing their entire time. And before she knew, they had to prepare to leave for the 100 years quest.  

She remembered briefly telling him of her Endeavours that her team undertook to follow unwaveringly. Of course, she wasn’t bound to disclose the details but she felt as if she was tricking him into something he didn’t sign up for. After all, she wasn’t sure when she would return from their 100 years quest. What will she tell him? How long will he wait? When would the mission ultimately end? 2 years? 5? 7? She didn’t know the answer herself.

Her heart started hammering uncontrollably as she recalled the night when he finally took her into warm arms, enveloping her into a hug that she yearned and dreamed for years, whispering in her ears that he was free to love people, which implied that he had forgiven himself and was trying to take a step towards resolving the knitted tension between them. That he was ready to face his feelings for her. That he was ready to show his affection for her openly, unrestrained by any underlying guilt, that he was ready to hold her hand and walk towards the future, their future, together.

Realising how much time she wasted being anxious in her thoughts, she quickly grabbed a towel, and changed into some casual wear. After informing Jellal of her intentions, he decided to invite her for dinner, at the inn he was staying, as a last attempt to spend some time together before her ultimate departure tomorrow.

She made her way to the kitchen where he was busy eviscerating the contents of the pot into their plates.

‘Already done? I wanted to help you.’

‘that’s okay. You’ve got lots of stuff to do tomorrow’, he smiled as he finished pouring their food, laying them in an elegant fashion on the table. She helped him in bringing some cutlery before settling down and digging into their food.

Their dinner was short and they made a quick small talk throughout it. He was talking more animatedly as compared to before, she noted. His features were relaxed, he was no more rigid or talking in a concise manner. They had a habit of bringing missions and current affairs in the magic world , into their conversations; to keep themselves updated with the happenings all around them. From a third persons perspective it would seem as if they only discuss work related matters but in actual reality, Erza realised that she could talk to him about literally anything.

She doesn’t really have to pretend in front of him. That was established a long time ago. They were each other’s saviour. They knew each other more than anyone else did. It amazed her somehow, how well they resonated with each other despite not spending much time like normal couples did.

Couple? Were they one?

The status of their relationship was still obscure but she felt they were getting somewhere. If not smoothly, but slowly and steadily they were progressing towards a definite answer. She felt even more confident after their little-date? Rendezvous? - she could call it a little rendezvous to be on the safe side.

She scurried the last remains of her food before settling her spoon besides her plate. She took the napkin kept before and wiped her mouth gently.

‘Did you like it?’ Jellal asked her curiously, as he slowly reached across the table and took hold of her hand.

‘I did. But it was a little spicy for my taste. But I enjoyed it!’, she responded vividly from her seat to make her intentions clear. She couldn’t help but notice, his display of affections was getting evidently frequent.

They had walked around the town during the day, catching up with each other after they had their little rendezvous, and the entire time they were together, Jellal didn’t let go of her hand even once. It felt nice to walk besides him, holding hands, blushing and chatting spiritedly. He would seldom squeeze her hand and pull her a little closer to whisper something in her ears. Was this for real?

‘Well would you fancy some wine?’, Erza snapped herself out of her daydream upon hearing his question.

‘Yes, of course!’

‘Sweet, let me bring the bottle’

She helped him pick up the dirty utensils. After washing and cleaning the dishes, they settled themselves on the couch in a cosy manner. They brought over the glasses and the bottle and lit up the fire place as the cold fumes had started to invade the room from outside.

‘It sure is getting cold, I wonder if the trains would get delayed if it were to start snowing’, she remarked as she rubbed her palms together.

‘Here’, Jellal handed her a glass of red wine, ‘ It will warm you up’

She accepted the glass and took a sip from it- relishing in that delicacy.

‘Have you ever tried a Gin, Jellal?’, he shook his head, ‘No I haven’t, I did see it on display when I went to buy the wine’.

‘It’s a flavoured vodka made from berries and has a nice citrusy touch to it. Add it to a coke with some lemon and ice cubes and you are good to go.’

‘How about we try it together next time we have meet for dinner or lunch?’

Next time. And when will that be?

Erza heaved a distressing sigh making it awfully palpable to Jellal that something was definitely perturbing her. He kept his glass on the table and gently nudged her.

‘I know something is eating you up. What is it?’, he caressed his fingertips against her cheek.

Erza crossed her legs, and hesitantly looked up to meet his eyes, ‘I can’t help but think how selfish it is of me to suggest you joining fairy tail while I go off on a long mission for gods knows how long. I don’t know when will I return. What will you do till then? You can’t wait for me indefinitely. I don’t know what to think. I feel happy spending time with you but when I think about my pending mission, I feel like I am deceiving you’

‘Alright, you don’t need to hammer yourself down by overthinking this issue excessively’, he swung his arm around her shoulders protectively. Erza sighed before leaning into his embrace naturally, snuzzling her head against his shoulder.

‘Personally, I don’t think you are deceiving me’

‘But I don’t know when will I return!’

‘I know, but you will return someday, right? I don’t know the details of your mission but I am aware that its rather dangerous and long. I…. I don’t mind waiting for you Erza.’

‘What if it takes 10 years for us to complete this mission?’

‘Then I’ll wait 10 years for your return. And no, I don’t think it will take this long to you guys. You are fairy tail’s strongest team after all. And I believe in your ability.’

Feeling some vitality return back to her fingers, Erza gently tugged his free hand, caressing his palm with her thumbs.

‘And it’s not like we would have no contact at all’, he continued to enliven her gloom,’ we have our lacrima phones with which we can talk every day and now with the recent upgradation we can video call each other as well. We just have to development techniques with which we can sustain our contact until you return.’

‘You really are positive about this.’, she looked up and finally smiled, nudging her nose with his cheek. The contact brought shivers down their spines despite the room being adequately warm with the fire lit.

‘I am finally living my life for first time in 29 years, Erza’, he whispered tenderly into her hair, ‘I can’t help not be positive. I have never felt like this before. My brain is gushing with ideas. I had a lot of time to contemplate about myself. There are so many things I want to experience. But first of all, I have to meet up with Meredy and inform her of the proposition you kept before me. I will let you know what our decision will be.’

Erza felt her heart burst with joy when she heard him talking about his future in such an invigorated manner, ‘There is no hurry’.

‘I know but that’s not the only reason I am meeting with her. We detected another suspicious activity near south of Hargeon. We are going to inspect that for a while’.

‘What about the rest of crime sorciere?’

‘A lot of them are busying doing their own stuff. I did inform them about our plan to meet for this mission but it’s their decision to take forth my invitation. I am not going to force my way of life on anyone’

‘I guess everyone has their own version and perception of freedom. Do you miss working with them?’

‘Well, they certainly were a difficult bunch to integrate, initially, but we all corroborated into a small family, I think’, Jellal smiled genuinely as he reminisced their time when they all travelled together in search of their goals and purpose. It did take them some time to get comfortable with each other but when they did, their search for purpose didn’t seem as hopeless as before. They lifted each other in times of despair. They all grew to forgive and love each other.

‘I am so happy for you, Jellal. I am happy to see you so full of life’, Erza lifted her head from his shoulder and took his face in her hands, with tears threatening to fall out, she took a deep breath and kissed his cheek tenderly.

‘Come here’, he could feel his breath quicken as he tugged her legs and urged her to sit on his lap. Erza, hesitant at first, hooked her left thigh over his lap and seated herself comfortably upon them. Her thighs rubbed against his as she noted how strong and muscular, they were.

‘I want to weave a future where I continue to grow as a person, Erza. And I want you beside me. In every step of life, I want to hold your hand and cross every dismay we encounter. And for that, I am willing to wait as long as I have to. So don’t worry about that. I’ll be here when you come back-till then, I will continue to work towards myself and my goal.’

That right there, was the little boy whom she fell in love with in the tower, who dared to challenge life and thrive against every single odd who mocked his resolve. Erza finally let those tears fall and flung her arms around his neck, crying helplessly. Jellal tighten his grip around waist and let his tears fall as well.

‘I love you, Erza. You are the love of my life.’

Erza leaned back to take a good look at his face, which was stained with tears, just like hers. They let out an untimely chuckle, their noses barely touching each other.

‘You are the only man in my heart, Jellal, I love you too’

Their breaths heaved fervently as they neared towards each other. His thumb caressed her cheek that dared to run lower, down to her throat. Their yearning for each other, the desire to hold each other unrestrained, countless nights-days they spent missing and worrying about their beloved’s health- encapsulated itself into a raging storm that invigorated with each breath they took, their sighs synchronised as they closed their eyes and let their lips clash. The entire downpour of emotions came gushing out as if enraptured in a dam. They let their lips meet, then again and then again. The tempestuous storm that reigned supreme came down debilitating into a tranquil walk taken in a warm sunny meadow.

Their arms tightened around each other, refusing to let go. They kissed again, and then again. They emitted a heavy breath and they could swear to God, they didn’t feel this serene before.

‘I love you’, they chanting this phrase for God knows how many times while kissing each other again and again. Resting their foreheads against each other, eyes half-lid from a drug called passion, their lips moved forward for a long and final smooch before going limp each other.

She held him with her arms around his neck, and she held him tight, revitalised with a newfound vivacity and perseverance.

They cuddled in his bed afterwards. He changed into a pair of shorts, shirtless. Erza changed into a pair of shorts and a thin black camisole, not wearing a bra, as she intentionally rubbed herself against his chest, tempting him further.

She flung her left leg over his torso, conquering him successfully. Jellal, flushed red from her actions, held her securely from her waist-kissing her fizzled hair occasionally. He took advantage of his position and didn’t miss an opportunity to play with hair, her hair that he revered so vehemently. He loved her and he wasn’t afraid to say it out loud.

‘It’s overwhelming’

‘What?’, she asked.

‘My feelings for you. I think they will break free and flood the entire town I am afraid. Am I making sense?’ Erza let out a snort as she nuzzled into his neck. Trailing her tongue from his ear to his pulse, she moistened that spot before sucking it and enticing a moan out of his throat.

‘I want to melt into you. Do I make sense?’, she pecked his cheek, awaiting a response from him.

‘You do’-he gasped for air- ‘and you don’t but ignoring the hyperbole, I know exactly what you are talking about. Because I feel the same’. He gave her a cheeky grin and claimed her lips in a passionate smooch. He pulled her on top of him and ran his hands up from her waist, under her camisole, touching every inch of her back, not missing a single spot, reaching the spot where he thought he would find her bra strap-only to find none. That confirmed his doubts when he felt her soft breasts press against him. She leaned down and captured his lips in another enamouring kiss.

‘Erza.’

‘hmm?’

‘Are we a thing now?’

‘a thing?’

‘I mean what is the status of our relationship? It’s kind of vague. Are we dating?’, Jellal put forth courageously, embattled with his own heartbeat drumming against this chest.

She bit her lip nervously and hid her face in his neck timidly, ‘Maybe, I guess.’

Jellal grabbed her waist and aroused from his laying position into a sitting one, taking support of the headrest behind him, he leaned back and took her face in his hands.

‘Erza’

She met his eyes and blushed, ‘Yes’

‘Will you be my girlfriend?’

Her face broke into a huge smile, the most charming smile he ever witnessed in his lifetime.

‘Yes!’, she squealed, brightly, and enraptured his lips into another alluring kiss that he seemed keen on returning.

‘I am going to miss you. I am going to miss you a lot Erza.’

‘Have you packed everything?’, Jellal asked her pensively, going through a list of necessities that she might need on her rough travels.

‘Yes’

‘The package from yesterday evening?’

‘Yes, everything is done’, Erza answered as she bends down to tie her boots.’ When do you leave for Hargeon?’

‘My train is at 5. I still have time to pack. I don’t have much stuff anyways’

‘I see. Keep me updated with the towns you visit.’

‘I will. You keep me updated with your travels as well.’

‘Of course. So, call me whenever to get time. If I don’t pick up, leave a message. And before I forget, keep sending me pictures of yourself!’, Erza chuckled as he kissed her forehead lovingly.

‘I will, my love. Only if you promise to send me pictures of yourself, maybe a little sexy if you have a chance’, he whispered the last part slowly sending shivers down her spine.

She snorted mischievously and shook her head.

‘I love you’, she declared sincerely.

‘I love you too. Take care of yourself.’ He took her face in his hands, cherishing the feel of her skin against his, and pulling her in for a final kiss. Long and imbued of love they harboured for each other.

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs. 

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate. 

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon​. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09​. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them. 

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart. 

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813​ (sheith)

Summary:  After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW  👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever. 

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos. 

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?  

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold 

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora​ (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend 

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd​ (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd​. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that. 

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions: 

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary:  When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that. 

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09​ into that ship. 

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way. 

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter. 

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary:  Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number. 

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came. 

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it. 

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach 

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that. 

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing. 

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good. 

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another. 

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me. 

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window 

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive 

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette​ (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1​ (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty​ (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

[snarky-art]

Musa and Aisha in their enchantix! I still haven’t figured out how I want the wings to look but that’s ok I think.

Info on their relationship in my version of Winx Club below!

So when Aisha arrives at Alfea in season 2, it’s pretty much the same as in the original show. She doesn’t really know what to do. Anne was the only person her age she had ever really interacted with. The rest of the time she was pretty isolated and surrounded by adults. She has trouble figuring out exactly how to act around the winx and is really scared of messing things up.

Musa is also used to feeling like that. She has a lot of separation anxiety and fear of abandonment which she had manifest in the defense mechanism of not letting people get close so she couldn’t get hurt. She’s gotten better at handling it though ever since joining Alfea and getting a super close knit group of friends. As a result though, she can understand best how Aisha is feeling and is able to help in little ways the others can’t.

Musa does the most to make her feel more comfortable and at ease (the others do too but it just hits a little different coming from someone who really gets it, ya know?) and as a result they become much closer much faster. They find themselves talking more openly about their fears and insecurities and experiences when they’re alone and a they just end up having a really strong bond.
In my version of this, Musa and Riven did get together at the end of season 1, but they breakup around ¾ths of the way through season 2. They realize it just isn’t really healthy for either of them and they both bring out the worst in each other. They both have some insecurities from previous relationships and just their family life in general (Riven’s mom abandoned him, Musa’s mom is dead and her relationship with her father is pretty strained although it does start to get better after the concert episode in season 2), so Musa is the one who ultimately takes the initiative to break it off. They both aren’t happy and Riven takes it especially hard, but Timmy talks some sense into him and he starts working to get better around the end of season 2/beginning of season 3.

Another reason Musa breaks it off is along with realizing how much worse she feels with Riven and along with how much worse she is as a person with him, she has a moment of realization where she just goes “oh, but with Aisha, I DO want to be better, and I trust her so much more completley,, oh no.” and she’s basically like “now we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that right now” but along with ending her relationship being better for both Riven and her, she needs to think some stuff about that over.

Musa is in denial about liking Aisha for a while and tries to stifle it and convince herself it’s nothing or that it’ll go away. This isn’t because she’s having a Gay Panic or something though (in my thing she’s bi and has had partners of other genders before). The panic comes from at this point, Aisha is one of the closest people in her life despite them only knowing each other for about a year and she doesn’t want to ruin something good (cue abandonment issues). Musa handles this physically by being more shy and easily flustered and also by eventually talking to the winx about it. Tecna ties but in my thing, Tecna is borderline Aromantic (demi is what I’m thinking of for her, still haven’t figured it all out though) so she’s not very good at giving advice for it, but she’s happy to listen. Flora gives soft advice and a listening ear, ever the romantic, and Stella is too but she’s much more loud (she also feels bad about trying to hook Musa up with so many dates and her and Riven broke up now that she knows Musa was having a crisis the whole time, granted the date with Jared was a good thing since Jared and Musa became good friends so Stella won’t apologize for that one and Musa decides that’s fair), and Bloom is pretty awkward with relationship stuff so she does the “are ya winning, son?” approach to all of this. Musa appreciates that they’re all trying though, despite the various degrees of success.

Aisha doesn’t really talk to anyone about her feelings for Musa, which she realizes she has shortly after gaining her enchantix. During the first attack on Alfea in the their third year of school, when she sees her enchantix for the first time, and how sure of herself she was about doing what she could to save Galatea’s life and save all the ancient texts and tomes, she’s like “yup that pretty much confirms everything for me.”

In my version Aisha is a lesbian and she’s known for a WHILE. Anne was her first crush and she also liked some of the princesses and nobles that she would meet or see at the many fancy diplomatic meetings she would be dragged to. She’s very secure in her sexuality and romantic attraction (homophobia isn’t really a Thing in my version per se, but there are some concerns about lineage in upper circles for royalty and leaders, since not all queer couples can have children biologically and sometimes adoption is hard depending on the circumstances, ESPECIALLY if there is a form of magic that is needed to be transferred from one member of a family to the next member and it isn’t a guarantee or even possible for some magic to latch onto someone and become apart of their core if they aren’t biologically related). Aisha hadn’t mentioned it to her parents though. Her parents and her don’t have the most open relationship due to the very controlling and stifling nature of both the court her parents rule over and just their general demeanor which leads to the next issue: arranged marriage on Andros, which is something her parents still partake in, and that really makes both Musa and Aisha feel like their hearts are being grabbed and twisted. Once they tell her, she’s about to tell them but they leave soon after telling her because they have stuff to do and also they would rather speak to Aisha once she’s “calmed down some.” The next time she has time to tell them, shit with Valtor starts to hit the fan and it gets put on the backburner.

By the time Nabu shows up, it’s pretty rough. Once Aisha realizes who he is she’s mad because of course she is, this is the person she’s expecting to be with. Nabu is understanding of this, and gets it completely, especially since he originally lied about his identity. Aisha does take a breather though and they talk it out some. He wanted to see who he was arranged to marry like in the show, and Aisha says she honestly never wanted to see him, and he laughs and says that’s fair. They do end up having a “best bros” dynamic though eventually. AIsha tells him about Musa, and he says he’s so sorry about this whole thing and eventually they do meet up with their parents like in the show and they talk to them about everything finally and their parents tell them that the arranged marriage isn’t necessary in the end. It works out and Aisha and Nabu do a sickass secret handshake they made and all is well. The relationship between their kingdoms is also really strong regardless of marriage too due to their eventual life long friendship.

Aisha also eventually talks to Flora some about how she should go about asking Musa out and about whether or not she thinks it would be a good idea and Flora and Chatta (ESPECIALLY CHATTA) are doing EVERYTHING they can to not blurt out that Musa hasn’t been able to shut up about liking Aisha for over a year and a half at this point. 

Over the season their relationship continues to get stronger. 

TW: talk of e*ting disorder. Please skip this paragraph if that is triggering to you. I will have the next paragraph start with -paragraph over- so skip to that if you would like

I also have a thing in my version where Musa struggles with an e*ting disorder some just do to anxiety and insecurities and that was one of the ways those things ended up manifesting (that’s how it was for me and I’ve put a little bit of myself into each of these gals and pal (Tecna is nonbinary in my version and although they’re fine with being perceived as a woman and is cool with she/her pronouns and general slang terms like “gal,” “dude,” “bro,” etc., they still prefer overall being acknowledged as a nonbinary person by people who don’t know them very well (all pronouns are cool with them also. This stuff I just mentioned is how I am as a nonbinary person and I thought it fit Tecna too). This is why I have her looking a little thinner in my earlier sketches, since those take place in season 1 and 2. Aisha goes out of her way to help her however she can and Musa feels guilty but eventually Aisha just tells her to accept the help because she cares about her, she knows that Musa wants to get better (she started wanting to really work to stop skipping meals in the middle of season 2 and being less afraid of putting on weight. Her relationship with Riven wasn’t helping her mental state and this was around the point where she realized things probably weren’t going to get better unless she worked really hard on both herself and with setting better boundaries. Aisha was the only one to know about her skipping meals more than was healthy as it ended up coming out on one of their many late night heart to heart convos they like to have) and because it isn’t taking a toll on her mental health, and she promises to let her know if it does (Aisha also learned more about healthy boundaries during her time with the winx way to go, queen). They do meal preps together, get a healthy workout routine that doesn’t involve Musa dropping dead from exhaustion every time, and they get help pamphlets and Musa ends up seeing a counselor on campus to get some help and by the middle of season 3, things are a lot better, and while it’s still something that Musa is going to struggle with off and on during her life because that’s how this stuff tends to work, she has the tools to help herself better and she also has a really good support system and knows therapy is still an option if she needs it after her time at Alfea. The rest of the winx find out eventually too and are, of course, super supportive and proud of her.

-end paragraph-

The main takeaway from that paragraph is that Aisha and Musa are very close and supportive of each other and that I mention Tecna is nonbinary (all pronouns acceptable, although tends to prefer they/them)

Along with that being yet another huge thing that relates to them wanting to help each other grow and become better people, they just end up realizing that if they could choose a day where they could choose anyone to spend time with for the whole time, it would be each other.

By the end of their third year at alfea/the movie (unsure which yet exactly, but it’s in that time frame) they get together and they stay together for the rest of everything:)

[hullomoon]

hullomoon was very busy in may: a roundup

i was exceptionally busy this month so i thought i should do a little round up just in case anyone missed anything. well that and i haven’t had time to make tumblr posts for them all, lol

Writing

The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch | co-author | multiple pairings | wrote rachel’s chapter | ~26k

 Hello, I am Wendy Kurtz, proprietor of the Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch, the world’s premier spot for couples looking to get a speedy divorce and connect with other soon-to-be divorcees.

 I’d like to highlight the stories of five couples, who rearranged into five other couples, from some past summer. These ten people came to the Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch with the intention of ending a marriage, and got that and so much more.

 I could recount their journeys with 100% accuracy, but where’s the fun in that? Let’s let them tell us themselves.

OR: One crazy summer in Las Vegas brings the heat and then some.

Featuring art and podfic with every chapter!

out of the mouths of babes | david/patrick | ~1.1k

Coming home from the dentist and still high from the anesthesia, Patrick accidentally lets something slip. David, panics.

 my 100th work

when i’m with you it feels like home: chapter 2 | david/patrick | 429 words

an epistolary interlude

Suited for Each Other: Chapter 4 love room  | stevie/ruth | 100 words

and i’ve known you for a long time | stevie/twyla | 574 words

While moving in together, Twyla discovers something from their childhood

if you try to hide it, it’s gonna shine even more | david/patrick | ~1k

After David performs the Number, he and Patrick have a chat

a quiet moment | stevie/ruth | 451 words

After Ruth comes home from a trip, she struggles with jetlag. Stevie helps.

stormy weather | ted/alexis | 565 words

During a storm, Alexis confesses a secret to Ted

save it from the funny tricks of time | david & moira | ~1.1k

While David helps her pack up her wigs, Moira reflects on their relationship.

Maybe, Baby: Canon Divergent Twylexis Drabbles | alexis/twyla | each 100 words

Chapter 5: Start Spreading the News

Chapter 9: Housewarming

Chapter 12: Smoke Signals

Chapter 18: Singles Week

Chapter 21: Wine and Roses

Podfics & Podcasts

The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch | multivoice | voiced ted | 3:07:20

[podfic] Good Morning | alexis/stevie | 01:10

Stevie feels good this morning. Real good.

[podfic of Good Morning]

[podfic] Can we always be this close | david/patrick | 03:47

And suddenly, suddenly he understands what David has been trying to tell him for weeks, about letting go of expectations and doing what makes you feel right.

Or, the first time Patrick sat on David’s lap.

[podfic of Can we always be this close]

[podfic] Sunday Morning | david/patrick | 03:21

A soft, waking up in the morning ficlet.

[podfic of Sunday Morning]

[podfic] It’s Well Worth the Wait | david/patrick | 03:44

Patrick lets his hair grow out, David isn't adequately prepared.

[podfic of It's Well Worth the Wait]

[podfic] A Whole Lot to Gain | multiple relationships | multivoice | voiced ted | 12:15

A story about identity, gender, and coming out.

[podfic of "A Whole Lot to Gain" by yourbuttervoicedbeau]

[podfic] i got a feeling (there’s a miracle due) | joceyln & twyla | 07:57

 "I'm okay. Really, I'm fine." Twyla tries a strained smile. "I'm used to being alone."

 "I know," Mrs. Schitt says after a moment. Her eyes are kinder than they have any right to be. "But that doesn't mean you have to be."

When Twyla's mom doesn't pick her up from high school, Mrs. Schitt gives Twyla a ride home.

[podfic of i got a feeling (there's a miracle due)]

[podfic] Gonna Watch You Shine | johnny & stevie | 06:12

Found Family Feelings: The Johnny & Stevie edition.

[podfic for Gonna Watch You Shine]

[podfic] i had been lost to you sunlight | david/patrick | 08:05

David and Patrick have an afternoon picnic

[podfic of I had been lost to you, sunlight]

a quiet moment | stevie/ruth | 02:36

[Podvid] Dear Apartment Five | multivoice | 04:41

Notes from the Community Message Board: the residents of Patrick's apartment building have a few thoughts/concerns to share about the newest neighbors.

[Podvid of Dear Apartment Five written by blackandwhiteandrose]

stormy weather | ted/alexis | multivoice | voiced narrator | 04:13

[Podcast] Razzle Dazzle Rose Voiceteam Podcast Ep #1 - The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch | multivoice | 1:22:07

In this episode, petrodobreva interviews eight out of the twenty-six creators of The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch, a Tropefest 2021 fic and podfic (with art!). Listen to discover how the project came about, the processes involved in wrangling all the contributors, exciting behind-the-scenes stories, and more!

[podfic] Catfishing | david/patrick | 09:01

After some prompting from David, Fisherman Patrick reminisces about the day he found his cat, Mackerel, and brought him home.

[podfic of Catfishing]

[podfic] I’m a M*therf*cking Starboy | david/patrick | 05:43

This guy walks into Ray's and rocks Patrick's world. He's over the moon. It's the love story of the Centauri.

[podfic of I'm a M*therf*cking Starboy]

[Podfic] It’s Well Worth the Wait | multivoice | 03:54

Patrick lets his hair grow out, David isn't adequately prepared.

[podcast] Razzle Dazzle Rose Voiceteam Podcast Ep #3 - Voiceteam 2021: A Look Back | multivoice | 1:03:59

In this episode, five of the members of Team Razzle Dazzle Rosé discuss their experience with Voiceteam this year.

also, i sewed a pair of knit shorts and cut out the pattern for a jumpsuit 😅

[iamahugegeeknicetomeetyou]

okay lemme just sprinkle some yueki into your feed real quick

let’s ignore the fact I’m about to change so much of the canon plot

anyway so

let’s say as in book one they arrive at the northern water tribe like usual sokka has his schoolboy crush on yue and as in canon she is engaged to another man

but on the moonlit meeting instead of just confessing she is married to another man she confides in sokka that she actually also is doing it to cover up the fact she likes girls

The Southern water tribe is very small and I can imagine them being very excepting of different sexualities as they are very close and tightly knit so they are probably very supportive and caring

however we’ve seen how the Northern water tribe is much larger on formalities and with a casual sexism ingrained in their society I can imagine that homosexual relationships are probably disapproved of

therefore being royalty in the Northern water tribe she probably decides that for political power and presentation it will be best just to cover up and marry a man

however ever sokka has been so sweet to her ever since he arrived and coming from a place that she’s heard is more excepting she takes a leap of faith and confesses her true motives for not being with him

and sokka being sokka is just immediately cool and completely supports her so instead of being there as a lover he is there as a friend to distract and support her while she has what looks like a bleak life in front of her of pretending to be someone she’s not

but then comes the fire nation attack and zhao being an absolute piece of trash and kills one of the water spirits and yue has to sacrifice herself 

but just imagine as she does this but the spirit only take some of her life force and allows her to live as well almost as a thanks for her sacrifice

and she is overjoyed because she’s allowed to live however now it’s time for the avatar and sokka to move on and she suddenly gets this horrible feeling of being isolated and alone her entire life because sokka was the first real friend she’s ever had and she’s been able to confide so much in him

so she says the fuck it and decided she’s going to escape from the northern water leaving a message for her father admitting the truth about who she is and travel secretly with the avatar among the nations helping them in any way she can

obviously being a royal she doesn’t know that much about the outside world or about combat fighting however with sokka as her teacher and actually knowing a lot about political powers in the outside world I can imagine that she would be a useful ally to the gaang 

skipping forward to book 2 episode 12 we finally see suki again but this time yue is there

they first see her when they’re trying to enter ba sing se and right off the bat yue is so into her however here comes the problem that so is sokka and she obviously does not want to hurt him in anyway so she kind of just pretend her feelings don’t exist as she usually does

but it’s actually really hard to see one of the first girls she’s ever felt feelings for and can now be open about them she still has to hide them for fear of hurting her friends

regardless this is the last time she sees or hears of Suki until they invade the fire nation until the day of the black sun when azula mentions she has been arrested and put in prison

then obviously they have to escape the fire nation and take refuge in an air nomad temple but yue hasn’t stopped thinking about Suki ever since she met her let alone now she knows she’s in fire nation custody

and when sokka confides in her that he plans to break her out of prison yue, with her new training decides to tag along on the mission with zuko and sokka because even if she can’t be with Suki romantically like hell she’ll just let her rot in a fire nation prison

the boiling rock episodes go more or less the same where she pretends to be a guard like sokka and helps with the prison break although it’s kind of uncomfortable for her the entire time because she has these feelings for Suki that she has to hide

nonetheless they break her out and she is now free and comes back to the air temple with them

now they have quite a bit of time where they’re just at the temple with aang learning fire bending and waiting until they can attack again

and during this time she actually gets really close to Suki as a friend

at first it’s kind of awkward because they don’t know each other that well and they only met once but gradually as the others train suki notices that yue has dramatically less experience even if she is a diligently strong fighter

so she offeres to help and teach her some of the kyoshi moves

yue absolutely loves this idea until she realises how intimate training can be and how much Suki ends up touching her even if it’s just slightly change her position or adjust her stance she realises that training was probably one of the worst idea she’s ever had because the entire time she’s having the biggest lesbian panic

but aside from training they also begin to become close friends, yue opening up about how much she misses home even though they forced her to be something she’s not and Suki opening up about how much she misses the kyoshi warriors as they are like family to her

but then I can imagine that sometime in the air temple Suki and sokka kind of agree that they just work better as friends and that their romantic relationship was lovely but they just work better in a platonic way

and I head canon that yue absolutely loves to look up at the moon because it reminds her of home but also how she got here and the connections she has to water bending and the spirits so I can imagine while the rest of the gaang sleeps she always sneaks out and just stares at the moon for hours on end

but imagine Suki starts to notice this behaviour and instead of calling her out on it just joins her occasionally and watches the moon silently with her and that they have these quiet intimate moments they have every now and again

however one night Suki seems kind of down when she joins her and yue has noticed that her visits are getting more and more frequent and Suki only really comes out there when she is struggling to sleep herself so she asks what’s up and Suki confesses that her and sokka broke up

anyway even though she’s really into Suki her first priority making sure her friends are okay

 Suki explains that it was a mutual decision and she’s not heartbroken in anyway because her and sokka both decided that they work better as friends and their relationship is better when it’s platonic but nonetheless she did really like him and it’s still a shame

and yue is just here listening on the edge of her seat because her crush is finally single

but she also feels really awkward because it’s her best friends ex and also a presumably straight girl so she just decides to pretend once again have feelings do not exist

but from then on every night Suki joins her even if its only for a 10-20 minutes it’s an everyday sort of thing and sometimes they sit for hours at a time in a comfortable silence or talking quietly about things and gradually their relationship grows more and more intimate

until one night they’re just sitting in the moonlight and yue accidentally starts staring at Suki and she doesn’t mean to but she can’t help but admire her beauty so Suki jokingly says “see something you like?” upon noticing yue’s gaze

and yue just lesbian panics so hard and it’s just like “no no just looking at the moon” and Suki starts teasing her jokingly of course but yue actually finds it really hard because she’s trying to deny these feelings and her being all cute about it is not helping 

but trying to defuse the awkwardness Suki confesses that she finds yue very pretty too and yue just kind of sits there gobsmacked and Suki goes on to say all of these wonderful things about her about how she’s not just pretty but she’s also kind and caring and sensitive but is also an amazing person with a forgiving heart

and yue is just kind of sitting there in shock because it started out as teasing and now she’s going on this huge tangent about what an amazing person she is and yue swears she’s never been more in love with anyone in her entire life

and the entire time Suki has been staring at this moon must suddenly after she finishes her tangent about how amazing yue is and as she turns to look at her yue realises that in this moment she doesn’t care about anything else but her

so she kisses her

and Suki at first is kind of shocked but she doesn’t pull away until after a few seconds and in those few seconds she stares at back at yue are the most terrifying of yue’s life because she thinks she’s made the most terrible mistake ever and completely misread every signal she gave her and thought that she had a horrible misunderstanding

but then Suki suddenly just kisses yue and her brain just completely collapses in on itself because she has no idea how to deal with all these feelings but they end up kissing for awhile under the moonlight and after some time Suki gently pulls away and rest her forehead against yue’s and just says so delicately “i’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”

and yue just shuts off because this is too much because she just kissed the girl of her dreams and found out that the feelings she feels are not one-sided 

but after that they have a long talk about their relationship and about how they both obviously feel more than platonic feelings and about Suki being bisexual and realise that dating is actually something that really love to do but of course with sokka they don’t want to hurt him they decide to secretly date and just go slow for awhile

and it all goes well but yue is a terrible liar and feels horrible from concealing this from sokka so while the rest of the gang are out and the three of them are left at the temple they decide that they should tell him

and they are completely terrified he’s going to be really horrible about it but they sit him down and confesses that they are dating and sokka is just like “took you guys long enough” 

and they just sit there opened mouth because they thought that they’ve been so good at hiding their feelings for each other that no one in the group suspected they’re dating

but sokka says he could tell from the beginning yue had feelings for Suki but didn’t wanna push so just left them in peace but then once him and Suki agreed they worked better as friends he was basically just waiting for them to end up telling him that they’ve gotten together

and they are both just so shocked he isn’t mad but he confesses that he is also bisexual and has feelings for zuko that he’s been repressing for awhile and isn’t going to face any time soon but has nonetheless and that he completely support and loves their relationship

and they’re both so relieved and so happy

and yeah from there they go into finally defeat the fire nation and win the war and afterwards yue returns home to her people and she is so overwhelmed by the amount of love and support she receives when she returns home and her father confessing he never meant to make her feel like an outcast but just wanted what was best for her and the water tribe

but yue isn’t ready to come home yet so she continues to travel with Suki for awhile and the avatar as they continue postwar to do whatever is necessary to make peace

but later on she’s called back home as it’s time for her to take the position as chief and she feels she’s going to have to leave all of her friends behind however with zuko as the fire lord and the fire nation as a close ally and the avatar needing to protect all places in the world she’s actually still really close to everyone

and on top of that Suki decides to move to the Southern water tribe with her and she works as a bodyguard and also bring some of her kyoshi warrior friends as well as training some non-benders in the Northen water tribe some martial arts while there

and yeah they are just like bad ass wives in the Northam water tribe together

sorry this is so long but I just felt that this had to be said because like c’mon guys it’s yueki 🤲😩 also if you wanna see any good you yueki edits go onto @/s4ppos page on instagram she has a couple of them I think and they are the most beautiful things I have ever seen 

[seiin-translations]

2.43 S1 Chapter 1.1: Young Yunichika

1. FIRST TOUCH

For this whole series, just imagine that everyone except Haijima is talking in dialect

Translation Notes

1. Itoko (従姉妹) is the Japanese word for cousin, so Kuroba’s itoko is Itoko, it’s a pun

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Continuing to fall almost nonstop since New Years’ Eve, the snow completely buried the school building right after winter break. It was just like a drifting classroom isolated in the gaps of space-time. The window glass that was pure-white with condensation cut off any connection to the outside world, and the air warmed by the stove amassed in the classroom without circulating. Steam rose gently from the brass basin that was placed on the stovetop, and the air near the ceiling appeared to flicker.

The old school building seemed to be creaking under the weight of the snow, and he was afraid that it was going to collapse, but it had held up every year without any problems. If only somewhere else in the school—like around the principal’s office—had been crushed flat, the talks of renovation would have proceeded quickly.

I mean, Grandpa can just make a donation. Should I try asking him seriously this time?

He thought that for a moment, but there was no doubt that he would have graduated by the time the new school building was completed, so that was a little silly. The middle school in the neighboring Suzumu City, which he had visited before at a town exchange event, was a new, clean, and sturdy reinforced concrete building, and the entire building was warm even though there were no kerosene heaters to be seen anywhere. He received a culture shock when he learned that the toilets were not cold.

I wanna be in high school soon, he thought vaguely. Since there were no high schools in town, you would have to go to Suzumu City for the closest one. However, the one year and three months until graduation was a length that could be called an eternity.

Fourteen years old. He had finally just started the third semester of his second year of middle school.

“The transfer student’s late, isn’t he?”

After performing the penance of opening ceremony in the frigid gym, Kuroba Itoko said and she hung her behind on the edge of his desk during the strangely slow waiting time after they returned to the classroom. “Heave ho,” she said as she wriggled her butt back to put her thighs on his desk, so Kuroba Yuni reflexively removed his chin resting in his hands on the desk and leaned back. This is just a bit embarrassing, oi… Even if all the female middle and high school students in the city did it, it was hard to understand why so many girls were shortening their skirts when the circumstances in this snowy country was different.

Itoko’s class was Class 2 next door, but she often made trips to Class 1. From entry to elementary school to middle school graduation, the faces in each grade didn’t change fundamentally, so everyone knew each other even though the classes were different. She seemed to have gotten some kind of information from the group of Class 1 girls who were still talking at the doorway even now.

That was right, a transfer student was arriving. There was no small amount of excitement in the air in Class 2-1 for the big event of the new semester, which was rarely encountered. It was a depopulating town where the number of people in school decreased, but rarely increased. What was more, apparently the transfer student was coming from Tokyo, so the expectations were high no matter what.

“I wonder if he’ll be cute. I hope he’ll be cute.”

“He has a normal face. Maybe a bit below normal.”

“You knew him until you guys were in senior kindergarten, right? He might have gotten cute.”

“I’m telling you, he didn’t. He’s going to be a pipsqueak with glasses who’s bad at sports. He became a wuss who’d get scared by this amount of snow...”

“What’s with you, are you sulking? You really are a little kid…”

“Shut up. I told you stop acting like you’re my big sister. The teacher’s coming soon so get back to your own class.”

As soon as he told her to stop, Itoko said, “Yes, yes, what a hopeless kid” with the utmost superior look on her face, shrugged her shoulders and jumped down from the table. Her short skirt fluttered lightly.

“I’m wearing underpants, so there’s no use peeking.”

“Did you make knitted panties? So ugly. I don’t get why you try so hard to look like that.”

“Being stylish is all about grit.”

Brushing aside the unintentional insult that rushed out of his mouth, Itoko slipped through the gaps between the messily aligned desks. Since she didn’t deny the knitted panties, did that mean that was true?

Kuroba Yuni and Kuroba Itoko had the same family name, but they were not siblings. It either made it confusingly similar or easy to understand, but…Itoko was his cousin. (1) They had the same grandfather and their fathers were brothers. She always acted like his older sister, but they were the same age, and since Kuroba was born in September and Itoko was born in October, he wanted to assert the fact that he was the one who was older.

She turned her miffed face away and rested her chin in her hands again. Kuroba’s seat was at very back by the window—until today. When he came to school today, a brand new desk and chair was brought in behind him.

He wiped the condensation on the window with his palm. Even when he cleared away the white film, all you could see beyond it was a blanket of white snow. The snow had stopped for now, but heavy snow clouds remained in the sky, and it wouldn’t be unusual if it started snowing some time again. There was a narrow path created from the school gate to the building sandwiched between walls of snow, but since the snow removal operation in the early morning, it had gotten buried again by the continuing snow.

He squinted outside the window to see if there was anything visible in the white. He was a slow and clumsy kid, so I hope he didn’t get stuck buried in the snow or something…

The truth was, Kuroba took pride in the fact that he was looking forward to the transfer student more than anyone else, a hundred or a thousand times more than Itoko or his classmates. Even though he was supposed to have finished moving house during winter break, he showed no indication of coming over to his house to show his face, so he was just a little frustrated about that and his excitement went down. They parted with each other in senior kindergarten, so it had been eight years. He wondered if he had been thoroughly steeped in Tokyo and forgot about this place.

Although, it wasn’t as if Kuroba remembered a lot either. He could remember meaningless episodes like what he did to get injured or what he did to get scolded, but as soon as he tried to systematically trace his memories, they became hazy. Like a snow scene that became misty with a glass that was already clouding over again—

In the midst of the white, he could see a flicker of something black moving.

Surprised, he half-rose to his feet and pasted himself to the window. There were two figures walking in the gorge between the walls of snow that seemed like they could collapse at any minute.

“…He’s here!”

He unintentionally exclaimed, and the miscellaneous chatter that filled the classroom quickly faded. There was a beat, and then shouts of joy rose. His more than thirty classmates surged towards the window and lined their faces.

The smaller figure, dressed in a stocky blouson down coat, was an old lady when he looked closer. So that means the other, bigger figure was…? Wait, how can he be that big…He was confused for a moment because he didn’t match his image of that kindergarten kid.

However, as soon as he strained his eyes and looked into his face, a warm-colored lantern lit up the snowy landscape of his white hazy memory, and a fresh image appeared in his mind.

“I’ll never forget you, Yuni… But, goodbye…”

Certainly, there was the face of a crying kindergartener who came to say goodbye to him while sobbing eight years ago. His pale face was drenched with tears, and even his glasses were wet. No matter how much he wiped them with his hands, large drops of tears continued to run down his cheeks, so much that he was worried that he was going to squeeze all the water out of his body.

That’s right, the glasses. He was already wearing glasses in kindergarten, and that might have helped giving him an introverted and quiet impression. Glasses and short and bad at sports. That was exactly his impression at that time. Once he remembered one thing, the vivid parts increased one after the other. One lantern lit a new lantern, and it became brighter and brighter.

Immediately, he stopped caring about how he didn’t come to see him over winter break or any of those small grievances. With impatient hands, he unfastened the screw lock on the window frame and threw open the window. The cold wind blew in and his classmates reproached him with “It’s so cold—“, but everyone’s voices bounced off him. Fine snowflakes blown up together with the wind struck his face. He shook his head and brushed away the snow.

“Chika!”

He leaned so far out the window that it looked like he was about to fall down and raised his voice.

The figure stopped and looked up. His eyes met his through thin-framed glasses. How will he react at first? His heart was beating fast from the anticipation.

He just reacted in such an indifferent way, like he just happened to exchange lines of sight with a stranger. He moved his face down without changing expression and disappeared into the shade of the eaves of the school entrance. The old lady who was left behind bowed slightly like she was troubled and followed after him, her snow boots making crunching noises.

Huh…? Did he…forget me?

Feeling let down, Kuroba stood stock still near the window. The two footprints that continued from the school gate were swept away by the white snow-mixed wind as the hanging lanterns that lit his memories went out with a puff.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Haijima Kimichika-kun came from Tokyo. It seems that his grandfather’s house is in town, and he lived in Suzumu City until kindergarten. Perhaps some of you might know him.”

The gazes of everyone in the class was focused on the gangly school uniform standing at the teacher’s podium. How tall is he, it looks like he’s about the same as me? Kuroba thought absentmindedly as he stared at the small tip on the first stroke of “Hai” from the family name that was written vertically on the blackboard by the homeroom teacher. From among the three past elements of glasses, being tiny, and bad at sports, the glasses remained and pipsqueak disappeared. The remaining unknown was his motor skills.

He had a pale, smooth face and a rather neat set of features. If he had to decide between strong or weak, he would say they were weak. Depending on how you looked at it, they might look reptilian. At the very least, the characteristics of an idol-like pretty boy that Itoko had sweetly hoped for were nonexistent. To be frank, he seemed unfriendly. He still hadn’t smiled even once since he entered the classroom. He didn’t even try to look around at his classmates’ faces, just pursing his lips together and staring at his feet. Hmm, shyness?

“Kuroba-kun.”

Suddenly called on by the teacher, he made a stupid “Yeah?” sound.

“Haijima-kun played volleyball in his last school, so he will be joining the volleyball team. Please teach him about the team activities. Also, Haijima-kun’s eyesight is not good, but as you can see, he is tall, so you will move a seat behind. He will be the second from the back by the window.

Still without saying a word or even making a sound, Hajima nodded, took his bag and descended from the podium. Everyone’s interested gazes moved with his movements. As he turned twice at right angles and walked over to him without hesitation, Kuroba hurriedly got up as though to jump out of the way, and he put his bag on Kuroba’s seat with a thump before sitting down.

“Oh,” When Kuroba started to talk to him,

“…?”

He glared at him with a sideways glance, looking suspicious. What he placed on his desk was a somewhat stylish dark red backpack that looked like something from a school in the city, and had a somewhat stylish, unfamiliar school emblem embroidered on it.  

“No…it’s fine.”

Kuroba took the seat behind his, thinking, Well, if he’s fine with it, then I guess it’s okay. Unlike his desk, which had scribbles carved all over it with a cutter, the desk prepared for Haijima was still brand new, the surface shining brightly.

“Hey, how tall are you? You’re seventy, right?”

He leaned over the desk, poked the back before him and started talking to him. Kuroba was 173 centimeters. He had heard that the average height for second-year middle school boys was around 160, so he was on the considerably tall side.

Haijima turned around, looking like he couldn’t be bothered. His narrow eyes glared at him again. A gaze where you couldn’t feel anything like charm or friendliness at all, as if all the temperature was absorbed while passing through the thin lens of his glasses.

“Your position?”

That was the first sound he made since entering the classroom. Similar to his eyes, the way he spoke made you wonder if he had thrown away all his charm and friendliness at a station on the express train ride here from Tokyo. His voice finished changing…maybe? He had a low voice that carried well. It was just a bit frustrating.

“On the volleyball team?”

Haijima raised his eyebrows and repeated his words when Kuroba was just staring at him vacantly. Huh? His intonation felt strange. He was speaking in standard Japanese. Has it always been that way? It shouldn’t be like that, though.

“Oh, oooh, that’s what you meant by position?” This guy talked in a way that lopped off the context before and after his words. “Well, let’s see, I feel like we didn’t really decide them…”

“You didn’t decide? What do you do in matches?”

“Matches? Ah…”

He hadn’t heard that word in a long time. After gaping like it was someone else’s problem,

“We’ve never been in a proper match. It’s a club of guys who only belong to it in name only, and the practice days are whenever. Look, you have to join a club here. Don’t you know that?”

An expression that actually looked like an expression appeared on Haijima’s face, it looked like. Though it was only slightly, his narrow eyes widened—is this shock? And then his eyes suddenly lowered, his mouth turning down at the corners. Is this sadness?

“Oh, was your old school really strong?”

Crap, I might make him cry. He didn’t really understand, but he felt that he said something wrong, and when he panickily tried to stay on topic,

“Tch…”

He heard that. No way, did he click his tongue just now?

“So you’re just uselessly big?”

He heard a sudden, unbelievable insult from the mouth of the transfer student, who one would think would be generally burning with the desire to build good relationships with the people at his new school. With that, Haijima abruptly faced forward and started emitting an aura of “Don’t ever talk to me” from his back. Kuroba could do nothing but stare at that amazingly obstinate back with his mouth wide open.

“I’ll never forget you, Yuni… But, goodbye…”

Which station did you lose the “Chika” from eight years ago who was sobbing because he didn’t want to say goodbye?

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