#you dear anon get to figure out what that reference is when i post it though lolol

[rainbowinbeigeboots]

chapter 7 when

god i hope soon when my brain decides to function LOL, but realistically uhhhh hopefully sometime next month! idk if it helps any in regards to a teaser for this chapter but so far i have a nice hotel scene planned, trying to figure out how include an EXTREMELY small/niche reference just for myself, and have a future chapter shoutout to the spirit of carly rae jepson for possessing me that’s a pivotal moment for eve already written so it will happen!!! 💖

[strawb3rrystar]

📝, 🤩, 🙊, 🦉, 🟥, 🤷‍♀️, 🍎, 😱, 📈, ⏳, 😁, 🌷 for the ask game!

(star, pretend like this isn't just you sending yourself an ask, and make it believable)

Oh my goodness! Thank you for the ask anon! (fuck you star, i do what i want)

📝How many words do you have posted?

Across all of my posted fics: 43,547 words

🤩 What's the most meaningful comment you've ever received?

This - post under this fic

Still very confused by this babe! And any and all comments i get really (special shout out to @sweetadonisbutbetter @jgabriel1920 @emgunther & @saints-wrapped-in-plastic)

🙊Your coworkers or classmates stumble across one of your fics, but don't know you're the author. Do you fess up? Or keep quiet?

I might be the only one, but I've told all my irl friends that i write fanfiction. All of them are very supportive of me because fanfiction makes me very happy and i assume they're happy for me. One of my best friends (who's a guy) and practically pokes fun at everything I do, doesn't poke fun at fanfiction. In fact, he's the one who suggested I should start taking commissions because my writing is that good.

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

@oleander-nin inspired a lot of my tmnt posts, mostly the yandere ones. As well as many very talented creators in the community. (srry if you don't want to be tagged in stuff like this Ollie, I just really like ur works!)

🟥How long do you spend in edits?

TOO much time. let me walk u through it tho. There's a divider under the title. Then the pairing, warnings, word count and masterlist. The actual header of the fic. A divider under the fics, then Star's notes and my thanks. A divider under that, then the taglist. But then I also have to figure out the word count, add the link to the masterlist, and add tags. And then make it look pretty with all the fancy tumblr tools.

🤷‍♀️ What's a fic you didn't expect to be popular, but really took off?

Hazbin Hotel characters longing for you. Never expected to make it in the HH scene in the first place.

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

Rabbits rarely have heat cycles. So the saying 'fucking like rabbits' when referring to fucking many times in a short amount of time is basically pointless.

😱What's your greatest fear as a fanfic writer?

Dying (aka losing my blog)

📈 Which are your top three most popular fics?

Hazbin Hotel characters longing for you - 1,827 notes

Stop stealing my FUCKING CARROTS BUGS BUNNY - 1,731 notes

Taking him - 1,670 notes

⏳If you could go back in time and tell your younger writer self something, what would it be?

DO NOT WRITE THAT BAKUGO FANFICTION LITTLE STAR!!!

😁What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

Comments and asks!!

🌷What's one of your fics that isn't as popular, but you hold dear?

Broken promises is one of my longest fics, the best written, and has the same feeling as in the books. Yet it only has 79 notes! But I love it, made me cry while writing it, in a good way.

[unbotheredalwyn]

I've noticed a lot of comments from swifties on YouTube saying that Taylor never mentioned anyone by name in her songs, so she's not actually targeting anyone specifically and it's so fucking stupid because 1) you don't have to literally put someones name, surname, home adress, whatever for people to be able to easily figure out about whom a song is about, especially when you made easter eggs part of your brand, so people look for them even more. 2) Taylor actually did mention people by name and it's not just recent capitalization of letters to lamely "hide" Kim, but also song literally titled "Dear John".

It's like swifties love to pretend, that they are so much smarter than anyone else and that other people just don't get what Taylor meant, because they're too dumb for it and don't understand poetry and TS lore and in the same time they say the dumbest shit possibile. So you can figure out all the super difficult clues left by Taylor like number of bread crumbs on the table or some shit, but can't see references she makes of certain people, even when they're literally mentioned by name?

If you really need that bad to defend your cult leader at least don't be so damn stupid about it.

I'm sorry WHAT?

(anon please send me links to these posts)

She used to hide names and stuff in album prologues did she not? I remember I think Dianna agron's name was in a song on red?

She doesn't have to name any names people are not stupid 😭

They'll twist and turn everything to make Taylor seem like the good guy and everyone is starting to realize it.

A lot more people are being put off by her and her actions and especially her with pornstache travesty aswell

Although I have to admit Joe is the reason why my eyes opened about Taylor and who she is. You can see he is genuine in what he does. She is not

[pinkeoni]

do you think max was characterised for a bait-and-switch final girl. preferring max than maxine, being boyish, seeming to reject the boys at first, being the one to defeat billy over steve holding his nail bat (check the castration fear threat when she slams it down to the floor between billy’s legs) while all the boys are prone bystanders. but this then falls away as her story prioritises her romance with lucas and female solidarity, and why she isn't able to escape her victim role coming to head in s4 saving herself

I don't think I mentioned this in my Will post but Max is absolutely a Final Girl, from what you said anon with her boyishness as well as her function in the story. S4 is the most slasher-y season (they even bring up Freddy Krueger by name, just in case we missed the reference) and Max is the final victim and does manage to survive, even narrowly.

There are some aspects like you said that do set her apart from common ideas of final girls although final girl-ism isn't necessarily a strict set of guidelines and there are plenty of other characters that bend the rules but are still considered to be Final Girls— Sally from Texas Chainsaw was rescued by an outside source and Sidney Prescott had a romance and even lost her virginity in the movie (albeit to the killer himself, and Scream is a film that acknowledged and tried to both embrace and subvert slasher tropes)

I see the part of your ask that asks if these parts of Max that set her apart from other Final Girls is what causes her to not be able to save herself and honestly anon... I'm not sure. I know that the Duffs originally planned to kill her which is... a decision I'm glad they went back on. And really I don't think that this eliminates her Final Girl status as I see the Final Girl as being able to endure and survive and even if she needed outside help and just barely escaped alive, she's still kicking!

Honestly I don't know if Max's rescue by El at the end of the season is meant to be a bait-and-switch and more of a half-hearted attempt to try and string two plots together. Sure it makes sense for El to want to save Max, but El's plot wasn't really about Max, Max's plot wasn't really about El, so it doesn't feel like a culmination of anything. Max was able to help herself out a little by figuring out how to "hide in the light" but after that she was just mulling around until El showed up. If anything it serves El's hero plot more than it serves Max's plot. There's some connective tissue there, but it's loose.

I know that part of Max's plot was about allowing herself to open up and let other people help her, this is a little flimsy because El wasn't the one she was keeping out and they were really only separated by distance. Would Max have shut El out if El were still in Hawkins? Probably. But the way more satisfying moment already came from Dear Billy when the people she was trying to shut out in the first place, Lucas and Dustin, not only get through to her with the music but she also makes the decision to run to them. So now with Max being able to let others in to help her, she needs to decide if she wants to allow herself to keep living.

[sapphyreopal5]

The Starfire Identity Crisis/SPN Fandom Witch Hunt

Oh boy, what a turn of events that has been going on here on Tumblr, IG, etc. I see that there's been some girl on girl crime going on here, perhaps some of which I did partake in clearly but did not hide unlike some people here. There's been so called imposters posing as a girl named Jenna working at SpaceX who went under the name @Starfire876 (then @Starfirelove5 and then @Starfirelove7 before she ultimately deactivated her account). It also seems my initial "dear mistress" post has been taken out of context by some people who decided to started calling me a liar (looking at you @hologramcowboy) because my post AND the ask both were taken out of a literal point of view by others, not so much from the point of view of WHY this ask was sent in. By the way, nice job showing her screenshots that clearly have MY name in the hyperlink at the top and with it, containing the background image that's awful distinctive and unique to MY PAGE. May be this was done as a way to get more positive notes YOUR way and more hate coming my way? Also, you and others named her directly, not I. Plus, why are you trying SO hard to figure out who Starfire is? Good job trying to "keep this fandom safe" in your own words to me, along with trying to pin Starfire's identity on my friend (who I can actually verify is NOT Starfire as I'll explain in this post why), and being frankly cruel about it. Nah girl, you ain't on a mission to help keep this fandom safe: you are on a witch hunt and are actually being cruel about it. Go back and look at the things you've said publicly and in PMs in recent months. Some self-reflection might just do you some good. Were people including yourself NOT talking about the bullying certain individuals in the fandom were partaking in within certain social circles? Hmm, you might want to take a good look in the mirror...

For future reference, take more care to actually review potential identifiers in your screenshots, asks, etc. and actually think about the consequences of such before you go on. It seems you and Anon are in cahoots to pin some things on certain individuals when reality is both of you chose to reveal this woman's identity. You "Anon" should've NEVER sent me that ask (because I'm sure you're gonna read this), let alone with the curious timing of this woman eliminating that already curious Austin post within mere hours of you sending me this ask. YOU contributed to this, quit trying to absolve yourself of any responsibility. "Stay off the blogs"... may be these words might ring a bell coming from someone you know?

Given the tizzy that has been stirred up by Starfire "posing" as a girl named Jenna, I can understand the negative sentiment coming my way. I understand why I am being called a liar given this imposter business. Heck, I've heard of some people believing Starfire and I are one and the same. Again, I understand this sentiment but I will say I've been attached to this same screenname for well over 13 years on many social media websites. I will say this: I NEVER post things to be a liar or to be deceitful. I post things I believe to be true ALWAYS period. I withheld the original ask out of safety concerns, as I believe it contained a lot of identifiers. Afterall, she didn't want people to be "sicced" on her. I apologize to people for feeling deceived and misled. I will say however that calling me a liar because of choosing to read it only from a literal point of view is frankly a direct attack on my character.

I was not and never will be a popular blogger here on Tumblr period. I care writing about spiritual topics, such as dream walking, dream interpretation, divination, deities, the astral planes, etc. Sometimes this crosses over to the show Supernatural, as I've written several posts before giving an explanation of what's true versus what's not on the show's depictions of things. And oh man, I swear I would SO love to talk about things like psychology, particularly forensic psychology. If I could go back in time and change career paths at a younger age, I so would've become a criminal psychologist. Plenty of people here clearly take things at face value when it comes to people's claims. I for many reasons do not. Again this is somewhat for the next post...

Bottom line is, my blog will never be popular and I know it. I'm okay with that. As long as I get to share my experiences and enlighten even a few people who may have had some experiences they can't explain, that's good enough for me. I've gotten plenty of "hateful" asks telling me things like I need to take medications for "talking to imaginary beings". I don't bother with those asks because they're a waste of my time period. The topics I am passionate about don't even coincide with this "mistress" business. I'm NOT a celebrity gossip column, never intended to be. Before I ever got the ask I did, I wrote about these things in such a vague context that maybe a handful of people knew who I could be talking about. I wrote about them with relation to what my tarot readings, pendulum dowsing readings, etc. have said and that's it. If I NEVER got this ask along with the funny timing of when certain things transpired on this woman's page and what's happening in Jensen's life and such simultaneously, I would've just probably stopped mentioning it altogether actually not too long before I got that ask.

When Starfire initially brought up to me her "identity has been stolen" storyline, this was starting around 9/10 or so. I myself found this to be awful suspicious but as always, I chose to give the benefit of the doubt and let her explain herself. It's interesting because she went on to rename herself Starfirelove5 not long after this whole thing went down. I ended up telling her I think it's cool she picked the number 5 because it's my favorite number. Funnily enough, not long after that she went on to change it to 7. She even went on to start taking things I told her and eventually made a twist of them. She tried to make certain traits of mine and such as if they were hers. And then to go on changing her screenname to have the same number of characters as mine, making a screenname that sounds an awful lot like mine and even containing the same number in it? Come on....

I dived into that girl's entire KNOWN LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, and a potentially linked Twitter account. I looked through ALL of her public posts on Facebook and LinkedIn because I got curious. I can 100% tell you for a fact this girl and my friend are NOT one and the same. Their interests are quite different, despite their personalities somewhat similar, and even their writing styles sharing similarities (frankly many people write somewhat like they do). It's also quite funny how many of the photos "Jenna" (or was it Jenna?) sent me were NOT readily available on the public side of her social media profiles. I mean unless someone wants to tell me her account was somehow hacked? I am also curious as to how she found out "someone" was "imposing" as her. Also why this timing NOW, given what's going on now?

I can tell you that the girl some of you are trying to say is Starfire is warm-hearted, caring, genuine and one of my favorite people to talk to period. She's shown me plenty of videos and photos of herself. She works in the humble hospitality industry and frankly has enough on her plate to not even worry about imposing as other people, let alone for the "sole purpose of spreading this ridiculous agenda" as some people put it (paraphrasing here). Starfire on the other hand barely spoke of her personal life, came across pretty aloof, and everything was just a bit too perfect. Heck, she even made up quite a few lies about my friend and for what, to make herself sound more relevant or charitable or something?

Dunno, your guess is as good as mine. I'm quite curious with this being said... What is this CLEAR proof my friend and Starfire are one and the same, hmm? Where is it outside of "writing styles match"? Did you get a chance to get to know both her and Starfire for months now? Nah, I didn't think so. If she really wanted to be an imposter hiding behind someone who frankly looks more like a diva than herself, why would she reveal her real self to anyone? Why would someone working in the hospitality industry and trying to make ends meet have enough care in the world to make several "sock accounts" for this purpose? Hmm....

[marengogo]

hello heres are some naked series ideas if you don't mind ahem

jikook in japan ( when asked whats your fave memories of that day) sir jungkook said watching jimin playing on his phone until 5 am they were almost late for their flight lol

bon voyage commentary ( they asked jungkook the difference between bv1 and bv2) lmao he couldnt answer i wonder why😏

the fact that jungkook keep telling people namjoon is the reasom he joigned bighit dont sit right with me its like theyre a layer to it we'll never know... cos as a 14-15 yo he didnt even talk through it to his parent or sum.. and their first meeting tho i cringe...

minimoni idk why but i dont like that pairing...

in the soop jimin imitates the way jungkook "snores" and me thinks its the other kind cos who in their right mind snores like that are they fr💀

This is that famous ASK I have spoken about at the beginning of me answering ASKS.I received this ASK August 22, 2022 and it took me this long because of how I decided to tackle it. To begin with, there were a lot of topics I didn’t want to just breeze over (like the NamKook part). In addition, the tone of the whole ASK got me a bit itchy in all the wrong places, so I’ve been trying to keep my cringe at bay.

Hence … dear Anon, I do apologize for the delay in replying to this ASK, but here I am! And I’ll discuss the cringe-feeling I had with the tone at the very end, so hang in there with me that is if you are still around, cause gurl/boi/enby more than half a year is admittedly a long-ass time, I’ll give you that 😬😬.

So I’ve begun speaking about Minimoni and NamKook in the posts right here so please feel free to read those → MINIMONI & NAMKOOK. For the rest, let’s beginning with the first part of the ASK.

“JIKOOK IN JAPAN” 

Anon is referring to a specific infamous? moment that happened during BTS’ AbemaTV Christmas Special interview on December 21, 2017, which you can find kindly translated here by BangtanSubs. As always I base whatever I discuss on all the Original Content (OC) provided so, I’d always advise watching this content before continuing reading if you haven’t already.

I think I have touched the subject of translating privately in my DM, but I can’t quite recall if I have on my blog. Some of you may know that I can speak Japanese, to a level where I mostly don’t need subtitles (unless there is a vocab I don’t know which I then have to look up). Now translating for a fandom like BTS is: TOUGH AF. 

As you know we have solo stans, shippers, casual listeners, here only for the boys interaction, but not the music-stans, YOU NAME IT stans, so when someone provides you with a translation, for the most part they have to decide amongst 3 choice/courses of action:

Just translate the words and you can figure out implied meanings

I will translate in a way that the implied meaning is understood even if they didn’t say those words

Just translate the words, then take some time to make notes and explain what it could mean and also add already known facts with regards to the statement. 

If you ask me, choice 3 would have to be the way to go; always. BUT LET’S BE REAL. It takes hella time to translate correctly. Imagine having to explain everything, every time, when the demand for instant translations is so high, particularly in a fandom like ours, especially when there are many moments which translators feel nobody should misunderstand. 

Also, choice 1, prevents for the most part being attacked by people in the fandom, whereas choice 2 is the quickest way to getting things spectacularly wrong if you turn out to have mistakenly interpreted what you thought they meant.  All of the aforementioned, are the reasons why Choice-1-Translators are the most common. But if I may add my 2 cents, do take the time to find some Choice-3-Translators when/if you can. Obviously, not for everything, but when/if in doubt, look for multiple sources until you are sure you’ve found various reputable, different-in-nature, sources who agree on the same meaning. 

Good Choice-1-Translators are hella quick, 95% accurate and rely heavily on context. So what is the context of this Jikook-moment.

Following is the context as righteously translated by BangtanSub:

This is the actual Japanese part without the translate caption:

おもしろトーク is the construct which was translated as “funniest story”, which is not wrong, but like A LOT OF ANYTHING in Japanese it has nuance and other meanings. The word おもしろい (read omoshiroi) mainly means “interesting” and the second most common meaning is “funny”, as something funny is culturally considered also interesting it’s a bit complicated a concept to understand but stick with me for a sec. Anyways, the person with the most interesting/funniest answer would win the price. 

As they start answering, J-Hope begins with promoting his solo songs off the bat, which has nothing to do with his questions, hence in a way, it was kinda funny/interesting for him to answer like that LOL. And then it is JK’s turn. 

Now, this was 2 months after they had gone to Tokyo together and we know just how much they loved talking about this trip. They literally took every chance to mention it.

So when JK decided to talk about that trip, instead of an experience of them presently being in Japan, I’m sure nobody was shocked, however what I think happened then was that people gave too much importance to the “memorable” part instead of the “funny/interesting” part. I believe that JK told that story because the fact that they stayed up until 5am was truly memorable because it was truly funny/interesting to him.  

What happened in those hours that they remained awake using JM’s phone? I don’t know. But using JM’s phone seems to be something that JK does more often than not now lowkey JK doesn’t seem like someone who really uses, or cares much about his own phone.

In fact, if anything, the rest of the members seem to be the ones who were almost worried as to what JK would say. Hobi decided to just give him the gift before even allowing him to finish, JM seemed to agree with that idea, everyone seemed to be just waiting to see what would happen, almost like when JK told the “rainy day” story during BTS Festa 2020. JK seems to really like having everyone wonder what he is about to say, almost to the point where they are borderline anxious; he really liked likes that.

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: JK didn’t say he was watching JM until 5AM though he might have, who knows right?. They were on JM’s phone until 5AM, doing what? If they don’t tell us; we will never know, but also I really don’t think JK would have shared something personal between the two of them if JM wasn’t okay with it but that’s just me. So basically, I really don’t think this was a big moment for Jikook. Interesting/funny? Sure. Moving On!

“BON VOYAGE 2 (BV2)” 

The live Anon is referring to is BTS’ reaction and commentary to their first episode of Bon Voyage Season 2.

These 2 lives both used to be on vlive. However, as we all should know, vlive and weverse have now merged, AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR US, these two particular lives seem to have been lost in the interweb as I couldn’t find them on weverse might try and look better later, BUT, you know me OC.OG. (Original Content OG), wasn’t going to pull up to this ASK reason why I ended up only answering to 1 ASK … without finding a way to make everyone participate in the same discourse, so I didn't stop until I found links to both cause;

It may take days IT TOOK ME FOREVER, but guys, the interweb never really forgets so keep trying, IT IS ALL OUT THERE after that, if you can't find anything, like anything in life, please do ask for help, but my people, at least give it a solid try first.

Aloha, Hawaii!:

Special Commentary Live:

BACK TO THE QUESTION! Just like the previously discussed “Jikook in Tokyo” Jikookers, who MOST LIKELY were not around when this happened, saw the following cut out clip and started thinking that perhaps JK was alluding to the things that he and JM went through BV2, and proceeded to make this a significant moment because of the way JM looked at JK when he was trying to explain the difference between Season 1 and Season 2.

Don’t get me wrong. I do think that the way JM looks at JK in this situation is actually endearing and unique to them, and I’ll explain why. If you watched the commentary video, quite clearly, JK HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEASON 1 AND SEASON 2 WAS, at least with regards to them as a band, which was what that live was about “BTS reacting to Bon Voyage Season 2”. 

And the members knew that he didn’t, which is why they proceeded to start teasing him, saying that perhaps Namjoon should help him, but JK is a SORE LOSER; we all know that. He likes to win, no matter what, so he was going to say something, regardless of whether or not it was going to make sense or be impressive, and I think JM knew that and I think that THAT was the reason why JM was looking at JK in that way; he was waiting to see what this boi was going to come up with, and while doing that, his expression betrayed him for a couple of seconds, revealing that, even just that part of JK, was so cute, and like, “Why is he so cute even with stuff like this?!...” kinda way. 

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: JM wasn’t staring at JK in that way because he thought about the fact that, for example, they didn’t show them in their room, or that perhaps they might have been playing footsie, ETC, which CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG, you seem to be implying? 

This may come as a shocker but I honestly don’t believe that Jikook is out there trying to out themselves. I think they are conscious of the situation they are in, be it a homophobic country, members' safety, or global repercussions. They know that, and they live with it the best they can. Believe it or not, they are very careful, until they are not; for a second or two in front of the camera, or longer off-camera AKA fuck up slightly. We still don’t know completely the type of humans they are, but whoever they are and whatever they choose to be for each other, once again; THEY ARE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN TO LOVE, LIVE & SURVIVE. 

Moving on to the last part! FINALLY. 

“IN THE SOOP - 1” 

Anon is talking about this particular moment from IN THE SOOP 1 Episode 1:

If you want to watch the whole episode:

I’ll keep this VERY short …

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: No. I don't think that JM was imitating JK moaning. Because this is what you were implying right? If you had watched the whole episode though, you’d see that JM also imitates RM, so what? JM is randomly going around describing how members moan in their private lives? Common’ Anon …

And I will conclude this LONG-ASS POST discussing why I felt cringe by your whole post: IT WAS THE WHOLE “IMPLYING”. There was a general sexual and dissing undertone to your ask, and I might be wrong about my vibe-check, so as always feel free to correct me, but I really … was like *shiver-down-my-spine* about it. 

I am an adult. I don’t mind discussing adult topics. But like everything in life, there is a way and way to approach the topic. When it comes to people who, for the most part, are NOT DISPLAYING THEIR PRIVATE, AND SEXUAL, LIVES OVERTLY, you must know and understand there are boundaries right? Because even though they are not that open and out, the members are sensual beings in their craft and some also a little bit in their ways, and this part they don’t seem to mind displaying and THAT PART WITHIN PROPER REASON, ETIQUETTE AND BOUNDARIES I am very happy to discuss. 

NAKED is not a series I started to begin an AV CONTENT channel, it is a series to strip down moments to their core. Just re-explaining in case it was lost in translation. The fact that I just so happen to be a very sensual and flirty being is all about me. 

So let us not project. Okay?

Alright. Good. I’ll let y’all go, I'll continue answering ask later when I get back home from work!

Always respectfully yours  💜🫰🏾,

Marengo.

[everybodyshusband]

About the fic ask thing:

All your work is amazing and I love reading anything you post.

The last thing on your "husband writes" tag (doesn't have a name, it's regressed rain trying to hide his regression from dew) is so interesting to me. (full disclosure English is not my first language and I'm taking about stuff in unfamiliar with so I'm sorry if I say something wrong) First of all it's so we'll written it really takes me into Rain's head. I love your style of writing so much because everything is always so nicely written. This fic also feels que insightful into something that I don't experience and I love reading stuff that I'm not personally familiar with. Like I spent the whole time trying to figure out what rain wanted exactly and I'm not sure I got it but I've still come back to read it several times. I understand he did want comfort but there's a part where I just struggle to understand if he does want dew to discuss "grown-up stuff" when he is little or not (I think this might just be because I'm not a native English speaker). Idk if this makes sense, I guess in general any extra info you are willing to share about that fic I would love bc i genuinely like it so much. But I read it was kind of a vent fic so I would understand if you didn't want to expand on it. I will try to educate myself on regression tbh bc I'm not very knowledgeable and maybe that would answer my questions, so I won't really bother you with any specific ones. Just if you have anything else you'd like to share regarding that fic.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this, and I'm sorry rambled on for so long!

I hope you have a nice day 💖

i'm going to skip over your lovely, wonderful compliments, my dear anon, not because i don't appreciate them, but purely because i don't know how to respond without getting all mushy and aragrhhrg <3

in terms of the part you don't quite understand, that's not a problem with your english at all !! i tried to write it in a way that wouldn't really make sense :0 in my mind, rain gets frustrated when he's regressed because even though he's lived through so many experiences, the other ghouls won't talk to him about half of them when he's little (simply because the nature of these experiences could be distressing to him, even if rain doesn't think so). part of him knows that talking about it will make him feel worse, but with the mentality that he's in, he doesn't care, and sees their unwillingness to talk to him about certain issues as a way to channel their dislike of him, rather than them trying to help him be more comfortable. ...i hope that helped it make a little bit more sense ?

more under the cut because this got a little bit long :0

in terms of general ramblings about that fic (anon, please know i love you for enabling me to do this) i have so much to say but so little words to phrase my thoughts in the way i want to :0 i think the main thing i want to ramble about is rain's tendency for negative thoughts while he's regressed. i won't go into the specifics because i don't want to have to put any trigger warnings on your lovely ask, but in the scenario he was in in the fic you're referring to, he was regressing involuntarily.

something happened before the start of the fic that caused rain's mentality to slip into something even more awful than usual, and so his brain made the executive decision to shove him into a regressed headspace in order to keep him safe. the only problem with this is that when this happens, rain doesn't magically feel better; he feels just as awful as he did when he wasn't regressed, but the chances of him acting on those dangerous thoughts are lowered (although i definitely do want to write a fic/ficlet about rain doing exactly that one day, but that's a ramble for another time, haha !!) he so badly wants dew's comfort, but he can't manage to convince himself that he deserves it, and he's certain that any time dew spends with him is time wasted :(

i think that's about it for general rambling that i can think of for the moment, but i could ramble on about this fic (and any of my others too, to be honest) for days and days ! so please please please bother me with specific questions if you'd like to, haha !! i love answering them, even if it takes me a while. (and don't you dare apologise for coming into my inbox and sending me an ask that has made me smile every single day since you sent it >:0 thank you, my dear <;3)

fic ask game :>

[paper--moons]

Gosh, age regression amongst pro heroes being an open secret in the industry is SUCH an intriguing concepts. Could you do a hc list with baby Hawks? Perhaps he wants a cg but doesn’t know who to ask. The cg can be your pick!

Ah, I'm glad you think this is an interesting concept, dear anon! It just makes the most sense to me that it would be common enough in their line of work that it is an open secret, given that age regression is a coping mechanism and pros tend to have a lot of stress and trauma from the job that doesn't get addressed.

So for this set with Hawks I went ahead and leaned into some of the ideas I have about why that is and how I think the Hero Commission meddles in the lives of heroes even when it comes to something more private and personal like regression. This post also quickly became referred to as "Japan's Next Top Caregiver" in my notes—a sort of Goldilocks situation in which Keigo tries to figure out which cg is just right for him! Which is also why the "winner" may seem a bit unexpected to some people at first, but it is important to keep in mind what the characters' relationships are to one another in-universe and not conflate any personal feelings about the characters and their actions with that. As always however, each character that plays a major role in the post is tagged for (so make sure you are cultivating your own experience, folks!).

Having said that, this one was a lot of fun to write! There were a lot of moving pieces I had going on, and lots of things that I wanted to stuff in while I had the opportunity so hopefully it still reads okay. Typically requests are sent in with a specific cg in mind too, so this one presented an unique opportunity to toy with the idea that maybe the regressor isn't sure yet about who they want as their main cg, or hasn't clicked with the right cg quite yet! We don't always have to be so certain about everything going into a situation, and oftentimes it does take time to figure stuff out through experience and that's only natural. I also think this shows growth and exploration for both sides of the coin as well when both regressor and cg have to work together in order to see if they fit together—relationships of any nature require effort, after all! It's rare that things are perfect right away, and I have always found things that aren't necessarily "perfect" far more compelling and rewarding. And I would say that is the energy I wanted to bring to this one.

Anyhow, the post itself can be read over here. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for sending in your request. 🌙

[dexmckinnery]

I stand corrected about Giacomo's shape now, hahaha, I always thought it was the vest bumps and not actual belly ewe (This is sad because I've been chub my entire life AND used puffy vests at some point xwx' I should have known better) (*Has flashbacks of Guzma with Giacomo's model with white hair*) I also love that in the reference sheet it's all the Team Star members and Arven is just there because xD (Arven is my other fave uwu) Oh dear I'm as tall as Mela and Penny irl sksksjs

I like technology but I'm tech illiterate to a degree, so I got what you said about the model ripping... Partially eAe but as you said, hopefully someone rips the models soon!

(I was the dork that send the anon ask about the changes and self consciousness btw because I didn't know better... and since every other ask was on anon I did as I saw :V)

Hahaha, I don’t blame you! XD I wasn’t sure either until I looked at the model, honestly. And really? That kind of body type is probably the rarest to come out of Japanese media (or media in general I suppose), so I don’t think ANYBODY expects it...

The only reason I’m willing to believe that was their intention is because... they’ve obviously been trying hard to be more diverse in their body types lately, you can see that in the game itself in the NPCs, props to them! Also... Arezu exists in Arceus and she’s undeniably a rare build. XD Giacomo would be the male equivalent, I’d guess... also, when you take his coat layer off and stand him next to any other thin male character, his waist doesn’t taper in (like say... the male grunts or Atticus). Which could be the vest, but at the same time, it doesn’t look or behave like the vests on the definitely thin male characters. They’ve also... rigged up his coat in multiple places =T So that it will curve around that part. And they have done so in many of the animations. You can also see it in most of the “held” shots where his pose is held for a while (opening a battle, seeing him for the first time, defeating him in battle). So I feel like they wanted it to be known. Otherwise it’s a whole lot of coincidence? I dunno, I could be wrong. XD That said, Rose also exists!

I do feel guilty when people think that I came up with it though XD;; No, it’s based on the game, promise, give GameFreak their dues! Not that people will see the shots of the model since tumblr decided not to put that post in tags XD Thanks, tumblr. Let the people see Giacomo!

And hahaha yes Arven! XD He actually doesn’t have a face there because he was imported before the python script could handle their faces =D;;; There’s actually Rika (faceless) and Larry to the side of Arven, but I cropped them out to take a screenshot. I figured I’d include Arven so people could see how tall he is compared =) He’s my bestie’s favourite, so he gets special treatment. He comes out by that scale as 5′06″ (same as Rika) and Atticus at 5′08″

Hahaha, no worries! XD;; I figured I’d elaborate anyway, just in case ¦D I have no reason to hide techniques from anybody... maybe somebody might know how to get the face rigs working, that’d be incredible! I’m no expert with 3D models by far... I’m far better at ripping 2D spritework!

And don’t worry!! You can send anon or not, it really doesn’t matter. =) Just receiving asks at all is a big feel-good moment for me XD And despite what José said to Giacomo... I think his outfit DOES work in his favour and people think he’s slender, hahaha! XD I feel like that was true on the ask blog too... Hopefully his answer makes sense now though. At least for the “canon” I use on that blog. He’s not actually in denial!

[jemmo]

I need us as a society to talk more about ohm's amazing acting choices for pat and I love all the posts I read this week and in particular the complexity he added to him. THE LAYERS. but you know the layer I love the most? His softness. Because oh god do I love getting lost in that amazing part of pat. The way he acts, the way he speaks and his mannerism in those moments are chef's kiss. You always talk about how pat is pure like he was never touched by the horrible world around him and that's such a perfect description. But he is also soft as hell. And isn't afraid to show it too. I was just watching the bus stop scene and the guitar one in ep3 and you can see I'm going through it. I love everything ohm gave to pat. That man is brilliant.

*rolls up sleeves* oh dear precious anon you have given me the chance to rant and rant i will. strap in.

ohm is something else. seriously. i cannot even begin to go about expressing how much adoration i have for this man and what he gave to us through pat. its astounding. im gonna reference what ohm said in the ep 12 reaction on jennie's yt channel just bc its fresh in my mind and bc it perfectly captures the things i wanna praise ohm for. he spoke about how pat is very much like him, we've heard him say this a billion times, and its very obvious they are similar types of people in the way they behave; playful, silly, tactile, but also very frank and honest and serious when its called for, when important things are happening or being discussed, or when they're sharing their emotions. but ohm also said two things i wanna focus in on; how pat can act like this given the background he has, a background very different to ohm's, and how ohm can make people think the person on screen is pat, not ohm. and its funny, bc i think these things feed into each other and made him successful in both.

i feel like pat's background is something ohm dug into a lot and really studied and considered and built up to deliver his performance. he wanted that through line so he could deliver a fully realised pat, he needed to figure out why, despite his upbringing and family situation and his father and the feud and so on, pat could be so cheerful and goofy and care-free on the surface. im not exactly sure what that through line is, but whats important is that i see it. i see that pat is not a bunch of separate people or personalities. there isn't the pat with pran, the pat with his friends and the pat with his father; they're all pat. yes his behaviour shifts but all his personality traits mix and affect each other. nothing is is simple, nothing is by the book, nothing is just as it seems on the cover. everything has this air of something else underlying it, bubbling under the surface. im not even sure how to perfectly describe it, its just there (i hope you know i actually just sat and cried for 5 mins bc i was just thinking about pat too much and it broke me but we continue).

you can see that pat is not just a one dimensional set of descriptors pilled into a body. he is a person, a living breathing human. you can see what his core personality traits are and how they have been altered by his childhood and his current environment, by the people he's known and knows now, and how they manifest differently in certain situations and around certain characters. its like... when he's with pran, hes adorable and smiley but that pang of pain and loneliness and hatred for the world and press of expectations never fully goes away. and even when he's at his saddest or angriest, that innate kindness and care and goodness in his heart is still present. sometimes you look at him and just see a kid that wanted a friend, but instead was moulded into something he didnt want to be, and yet he still holds on to the warmth and want for happiness thats so integral to him. and i think its so incredible that we see him in so many ways, in so many different lights; happy, sad, angry, cheeky, horny, hurt, jealous, excited, in love etc, and they're all pat. none of them are shocking, none of the ways he acts when feeling these emotions feel un-pat-like. i rlly dont know how he does it, but its just like pat will do something, react a certain way in a new situation and i'll just be like 'yeah, ofc he'd act like that, he's pat, thats what pat would do'. nothing is out of character, everything makes sense!! its so well thought out and crafted, but you can tell all that work was done beforehand so it could be ingrained into the performance, which allowed ohm to act so naturally and impulsively, bc he was living that character. he wasnt thinking 'what would pat do?' bc he already knew. he is pat and this is what pat does. its just AMAZING.

and as for his softness, i rlly rllyyyyy RLLLYYYYY adore this aspect of pat. it would've been so easy, given the kind of role he's fulfilling, to make pat very trope-ey. he could've been a jock/boy's boy/hot-head that is only softened by love, who only reveals that side to his lover, bc its his lover that brings it out of him. very much a man's man that will only act cute with his boyfriend much to his own embarrassment and at the sacrifice of manliness. but pat is so so soooooo far from this. his cute and soft demeanour is just pat. yes he's like it the most around pran, but you see him be goofy and sweet and kind with pa and his mom, he's like it when he goes home in ep 12 much to the annoyance of his father. he's dumb and playful with his friends in similar ways he is with pran and it shows us that this is pat, not just pat with pran, it’s who he always is, it’s just he shines brightest with pran. and i love that this softness is so integral and central to a character who is also very manly. i spoke before about how I don’t pats ‘manly’ aspects are just present bc of his fathers expectations, I think that rlly is pat, and I love that he can be all those typically manly things while also being so cute and adorable, and also while being caring and thoughtful and emotional and open. toxic masculinity is all about men feeling like they can’t open up, can’t be vulnerable, can’t be soft, they must be strong and stable 24/7. pat shows us that that’s just not true.

you are not any more of a man bc you hold your feelings in. christ, pat’s whole thing is that he can’t sit with his emotions, he has to be open and honest, it’s like a compulsion. and he doesn’t see being vulnerable and honest as a weakness or a sacrifice, he sees as something he needs in order to live fully. he truly wears his heart on his sleeve, but in a way where he’s almost adamant that he will feel and think and live how he wants. all his emotions are right there and he will feel them and share them bc otherwise he feels like he’s living half a life, and as someone who probably had to hide so much as a child, I can so see where that desire and will comes from. and that kind of resilience matched with his cuteness is perfection. bc it’s like his softness is defiant, his adorableness is an unconscious statement that he will live every moment with pure joy. he will not hide, he will not restrict, he will not pretend. that does not make him the man he is. he will play stupid games and pull cute faces and say his cheesy one liners bc for him, being a man is about sharing the kindness and happiness in his heart with the world, creating a warmer and brighter place for the people around him, and I just find that so admirable.

we go on and on about pat being best boy, but it’s so overwhelmingly true, bc i sincerely believe he’s such a great role model for how to just live. live happy and and honest and whole. and i think if we all just lived a little bit more like pat the world would be such a kinder place, and that’s something i can’t thank ohm enough for.

[alicemitch09writes]

forever person epiphanies

pairing: miya atsumu x fem!reader

summary: A story about Atsumu and his musings about his first true love, his forever person, his ‘the one that got away’.

author’s notes: so here it is, the long awaited atsumu-solo fic. However, it’s not the fic any of y’alls are thinking about. I’ve thought a lot about this, thinking and wondering which angle I should take. I mean, I almost had someone in mind only to be hurt because atsumu couldn’t let go (I’m forever thinking of that one anon’s essay on how atsumu would love). Kinda played with that angle only to stop, because…reasons. Sooooo, this is the end product of me ceaselessly entertaining the idea when I have a lot of other WIPs to worry about whilst battling with writer’s block for some time. Coincidentally, I purposely posted this on the anniversary of '(un)loving miya atsumu'! so, kinda fitting, i guess? hehe (◕ ꒳ ◕✿) IMPORTANT NOTE: This fic is from a series which I HIGHLY suggest you read, or else you'll be left thoroughly confused to the many references mentioned in this fic!

also available on ao3.

disclaimer: i own NOTHING but the plot.

Dear Atsumu,

I hate how much your face is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the word - ‘happiness’ and ‘love’. Happiness, because it radiates off your bones, no matter the situation, in court when up against strong opponents, thwarting plays with a setter dump or when you’re up serving, or when pulling off nasty quicks with your brother or any other player, off court when you fight with Osamu over the last ice cream at the convenience store, when you share a stupid joke with your dad, or even when you’re with the people you care about. Love, because you do everything with just the right to too much amount of love, pouring your everything in it, pouring your heart in the things that make you happy may it be volleyball, Osamu, your family, Mika- not a single wasted opportunity to convey your love and happiness. Nobody compares the way you do.

You’ve set a standard for almost everything, which is why you expect nothing for the best to be at the receiving end of both happiness and love.

I hope you know that to me; you are the embodiment of both happiness and love. Because I really hate how you remain the embodiment of these two words I have difficulty expressing.

Your name literally translates to 'to devour' and in a sense, you are someone who happily, readily accepts love and happiness on a daily basis, allowing it to fill you up to the core and share it with everyone.

You are everything that is everything – the sun after a stormy day, the sunshine in my veins, the kiss of the wind against my skin, the light to my darkness, my sunflower. You are everything to me, and to you, I offer, my whole heart, which you don’t have to worry returning, because it’s yours. Always has been.

     - (Y/N)’s letter, 1 out of 13

For as long as he can remember, there was always that one figure in his life that he wouldn’t trade anything for in the world. His brother was pretty up there, biologically designed to be by his side through thick and thin, whether he likes it or not.

Apart from his annoying twin of a brother, however, came another person, female, small, quiet, stoic, unmoving, unyielding, and had the prettiest shade of (e/c) eyes. Someone who came so unexpectedly in his life, just when the cherry blossom bloom. His one constant.

“GET BACK HERE YOU SCRUB!” 10-year-old Atsumu rages, chasing after his twin.

Osamu easily outpaces him, running in circles for the rest to say. “Get back here you scrub~” he mimicked, raising the pitch of his voice to match his twin’s.

“YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!” yelled the other, nearly tripping on his feet as he took a turn.

“Uweh~”

“SHITTY ‘SAMU, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”

“Catch me first~”

“WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU-“

“What are you two doing?” a voice, coming from the entrance door, stops both dead cold.

Turning their head, the twins meet the gaze of their childhood friend and manager, (L/N) (Y/N).

“(Y-Y/N)-chan…” Atsumu started.

Quietly, Osamu skidded off to the side, before stopping as her gaze landed on him. The lad froze on the spot. Expression unchanging, steely (e/c) silently daring him before Osamu stood straighter.

Walking towards them, ever so slowly, the twins fidget on the spot, frozen still until she was standing right in front of them.

“E-Er…”

“W-We…”

Both twins said at the same time, the girl before them just stared, unimpressed, waiting.

On the other side of the gym, the rest of the players watched in awed silence, especially at the (h/c) teen.

“Uwah, (L/N) doesn’t have to say anything…”

“Her gaze speaks plenty enough.”

From the side, a dark-skinned teen smiled, relaxing his shoulders at the sight of the girl.

Aside from being surprisingly reliable at her young age, she also knew just how to handle these twins, keep them in their place, while also supporting them from the sidelines.

“Great job today everyone!”

“Great job!” everyone yelled back, some excitedly especially at the prospect of going home.

“It’s the last day of camp, you guys have any plans?” Aran asks the trio as they head towards the gate.

“Yeah!”

“We’re having a dinner party!”

(Y/N) nods from the side. Excitedly, the twins turn to her. After three steps she adds. “And I’m invited, as it’s a joint family celebration.”

Ojiro hums, eyes widening slightly. “Ah, must be nice to have good food with a family close to you, not to mention, a family friend as well!”

Having known the twins and the young (L/N) for a while now, their relationship has always been a pleasant discovery to find. And to be honest, it’s making him jealous. Looking over at (L/N) quietly making comments at the twins here and there, he smiles to himself. Must be nice to have someone like a friend, ready to watch over and guide you every step of the way.

With just the twins, they must be enough of a force to deal with and because they’re two halves of a whole idiot. Thankfully, there’s (Y/N) who help keep the twins in check. Because while the twins have each other, it’s always nice to have a mediator or someone who can keep the twins in line.

“Well, looks like your ride’s here,” Ojiro nods at the waiting van waiting by the entrance, the driver waving happily at them.

“Ah! It’s uncle!” Atsumu points happily.

“’Tsumu, it’s rude to point!” Osamu rolls his eyes.

Ignoring his twin, Atsumu runs off ahead. “SHOTGUN!”

Not long after, Osamu runs after his twin. “NO FAIR, ‘TSUMU!”

Atsumu’s laugh sounds off in the air, before it turns into curses as Osamu begins to outrun him. While the twins run ahead, Ojiro and (Y/N) were left to their dust, sighing amongst themselves.

“Such energetic rascals.” Ojiro shakes his head.

Beside him, (Y/N) could only press her lips into a tight line.

“Well, guess I’ll probably be seein’ ya guys around, then.”

Nodding, (Y/N) gives a slight bow. “Until we meet again, Aran-san.”

Behind them, the twins stopped arguing amongst themselves, calling out their goodbyes to the older kid.

Unfortunately, Osamu had won the mini race and was seated up front, much to Atsumu’s annoyance.

“Shitty ‘Samu!” he growled under his breath after fastening his seatbelt.

From the front seat, his twin turned on his seat to stick his tongue out to his brother before facing the front, missing the disgusted look on his twin’s face. Beside him, (Y/N) could only watch their little antics with an impassive expression. But from the front seat, looking over the dashboard mirror, her uncle could see the glimmer of emotions flashing from his nieces’ eyes.

“Alright kids, off we go!”

And slowly, they cruised along the road.

Surprisingly enough, Atsumu soon got over his loss, humming along to the latest song playing from the radio. Up front, Osamu started chatting with uncle about the kinds of food waiting for them at home.

Seated behind her uncle, (Y/N) could only blend into the background, looking at the window whilst the boys talk amongst themselves.

“Psst, (Y/N)!”

But then, the boy beside her beckons.

Turning away from the window, she meets honey brown. “I got something for ya!”

Without waiting for another word, he picks his bag from the ground. Music continues to play from the radio, Osamu and her uncle continue talking about heaps of food prepared, ordered, and waiting for the three of them when they get home. Atsumu reaches inside his bag and produces a paper bag in hand. With a smile, he hands it over. “Belated happy birthday!”

It was summer now, and her birthday was last spring – March 23.

Taking the bag in her hands, she meets up to his honey browns again, seeing him fidget in excitement. Returning his excitement, she carefully opens up her gift, (e/c) eyes widening slightly.

“A stationary set?”

“Yeah! Remember we had to make letters for class and do an exchange thing? I got your letter!” her eyes widened for a fraction, fingers smoothing over the papers and envelopes. “You write really good, (Y/N).” Her cheeks start to flush. “Kinda like poetry, even though I’m too dumb to understand any of them.”

Smiling, she stares down at the stationery set in hand. “These are a lot, Atsumu.”

“Ah, well…you know, you can just write stuff up and send it when you want! Emailing’s fun and fast and all, but nothing beats an honest to goodness and heart written letter. It has more heart to it! Plus, you know, you can make a love letter confession to someone you like.”

Her smile grows, exposing her dimples, probably at his wording.

For some reason, Atsumu couldn’t look away from this.

(Later that night, a young girl sits by her study table in the dead of night, her lamp open, big sister sleeping in the background, unaware of what her little sister was up to. In hand, she fingers at the stationary letter set gifted to her earlier that day, unable to erase the smile on her face. Carefully taking one letter and paper, she sets them on her desk, smoothing over the paper neatly. Taking a pen from her holder, she caps it. Staring at the blank paper, the blank paper stares back. Remembering the smiling boy from earlier, her heart feels full. Before she can help herself, she begins writing. Pouring her whole heart into the letter. When she finishes, she starts giggling to herself – careful to keep it down lest she wakes her sister. Lifting the letter, another incredulous giggle escapes her. She really ended up writing one, and so fast, too!

Shaking her head, she sighs before carefully folding and sliding it in the letter. Afterwards, she holds the letter in her hands. Her love letter for Atsumu, remembering his words that she should write her heartfelt letters to someone she likes, breaking into a giggling mess again. With another shake of her head, she sets the stationary set aside and stares again at the letter, wondering what she should do with it. her desk, with stickers added by her older sister, remains open with one box sticking like a sore thumb amongst the rest. Decidedly, she opens the box and stores the letter in, along with the girlish feelings from earlier. Reaching over, she stares at the box longingly for a while thinking deeply to herself.

Maybe one, she thinks to herself. With a sigh, she pushes it to a close.

Or maybe never.)

Dear Miya Atsumu,

We’re now 15 and at the end of middle school. Next year, the three of us – you, Osamu, and I, will be off to Inarizaki High School. It wasn’t my first choice, because I really wanted to go to Nigawa Gakuin because Uncle said it’s a great school to go to. However, when you heard of this you threw a fit and tried to convince me for days to go to Inarizaki with you.

Days , mind you. Days of you convincing me that Inarizaki was just leagues better than Nigawa, that it had better science programs, that it had a better academic curriculum. Also, lest we forget, that Mika, Mom, and Uncle were there! So why should I be any different? Of course, you and Osamu were going there, too!

I thought it was selfish, that you wanted to sway me, and to find that you did not support me.

But then, you also told me that you just couldn’t imagine parting ways with you and Osamu. “It’s three for three,” you’d say, as we spent so many threes together – three years in elementary, three years in middle school, and now three years of high school was waiting for us.

Right then and there, I realized, that I could never say no to you. Neither could I deny that I wanted the same, too. Not just the ‘three for threes’, but because I wanted to stay with you a bit longer. We’re still young, but the future ahead of us is scary and full of mysteries. With what we have now, I thought that going off on my own and starting anew would be best. Boy was I wrong, I still wanted to be with you. And Osamu. And Mom. And Mika. And Uncle.

You have me, Atsumu. You’ll always do.

Tomorrow will be our closing ceremony, marking an end to an era and a start towards a new beginning.

I can’t wait for what tomorrow brings, especially that I’ll face it with you.

- (Y/N)’s letter, 2 out of 13

Intimidating as she was, (L/N) (Y/N) was honestly one of the sweetest, most thoughtful, and kindred souls that the Inarizaki Volleyball Club has ever known and blessed to have as their manager.

Despite having similarities with a certain senior, she was special in her own way.

“One victory at a time,” she says to Riseki during Inter-High, after a failed serve, a soft smile on her face. As though she hadn’t thrown the dirtiest, harshest glare at the Inarizaki stands who booed at the younger boy.

Taken completely by surprise, her words soon instilled a fire within him, perfecting his next serve when he was called up. Unable to hide the proud smile on her face from the benches, right next to their also smiling coaches.

“She’s a miracle worker, that one.” Aran would say, eyes brimming with pride.

The Miya twins – Atsumu, most especially, couldn’t help but agree.

She didn’t earn her moniker of ‘Inarizaki’s Fox Keeper’ for nothing.

Through his years traversing the yearning for volleyball, grueling academics, and just plain, unpredictable life she was the one constant next to his brother, the one person who would always be there for him through thick and thin.

She was also the strongest person he knew – one who chose to support her family at a very young age after a rather traumatic experience, one who chose to grow up so fast just to support her mentally and emotionally vulnerable mother, to be there for her siblings, and strong enough to deal with both him and Osamu just fine for the years she’s been with them. Strong enough, even, to remind him over and over, albeit strictly and far more directly than his own brother, to temper his unsatiable hunger for volleyball and to make sure his ego doesn’t get the best of him.

A girl so strong.

And yet, he broke her. So easily.

He forgot that even diamonds break under pressure.

At the mere mention of her name, practically everyone he knows would associate the words ‘strength’ and ‘responsibility’. She, being the very embodiment of the two words itself.

But not everyone is aware that there was more to it underneath. That even she wasn’t safe from heartbreak.

The cracks that she carefully concealed underneath her fine and seemingly impenetrable surface just chipped away to dust by every pressure breaking through her fine exterior caused by him. No, there was always something about her that seemed way when they were younger. He saw the way she kept her eyes glued to her siblings, almost overbearingly, how she held to her younger brother’s hand up until brother boy insisted he was big enough to go on his own, saw the glare she gave any male who tried to hit on her sweet older sister, or even the interested looks thrown towards both her mother and uncle. Or even that one time she eyed him and his father laughing over a silly joke, almost longingly.

For underneath her carefully concealed exterior was an already fragile and deeply traumatized little girl. She wasn’t perfect, she’s always been broken. She just needed one more little push that would completely destroy her.

And he did that to her.

So easily.

A year.

It took nearly a year of silence, a year of that one absence, a year of blind, childish hatred.

Almost a year and her almost permanently walking away from his life – without his knowledge, to see what he’s done.

When did threes become twos?

When did he start to realize the absence right beside him?

When did his hunger and love for volleyball suddenly became overwhelmed with emptiness?

When did the emptiness start to shake his love for the sport?

When did the absence of that one someone became so greatly felt that it felt like a black hole to his existence?

Walking down the hall, his eyes instantly catch (h/c), walking aimlessly in familiar maroon and white tracksuit. (e/c) eyes were looking straight ahead, but he knows that she has a million things going on in her head.

The sight of her perked him up.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” he called out, rushing towards her.

The teen jumped slightly, turning her head. “Captain,” she greets, holding her clipboard to her chest.

He stops a few feet, eyes greedily taking her in head to toe. “Where’re ya off to?”

“Laundry room.” She replies quickly, tucking wayward strands of hair behind her ear.

“Do you need help with it?”

“No need.” She says with a shake of her head, now holding the clipboard with both hands. “In addition, I already have Asano, since I’m also training her.”

That makes Atsumu smile, entertained by the fact that the club now has two extra helping hands. “That’s nice. What a reliable senpai you are, huh, (Y/N)?”

Her mouth twitches a bit from his words. Usually, her eyes would be filled with warmth when she knows he’s up to no good – as is his default phase. But now, they’re just…blank. Almost wary, confused, scared.

“Well,” she drops her gaze. “if that’s all-“

“Wait!” he stops her, just as she took a step. Those (e/c) eyes land on him in question. He swallows thickly. “D-Do you have to go so soon?” he takes a step. “P-Practice doesn’t start in a while.”

“I’m aware. But you must know that a manager’s work extends even beyond practices. We do logistical work, as well.” Atsumu swallows thickly once more, especially at her clipped tone. “I have to see to it that everything’s in order to lessen any burdens that may waste precious time.”

Unable to help it, Atsumu smiles.

She always had to see things through, had a plan for almost everything and wanted to make sure that absolutely nothing went to waste.

She almost always looks like this – looking like she’s the most collected teen you’ll ever meet, only to find that underneath it all, she’s not fine at all.

Not one bit.

Lifting her wrist, (Y/N) pulls on her sleeve to read the time on her watch, muttering under her breath.

“Well, Captain, I guess I should take my leave now.”

Bobbing her head, she turns and leaves when a hand on her wrist stops her halfway.

She had a visceral reaction – pulling her hand away, putting a distance between them. It reminded him very much of middle school, when they came across her dad. Except she didn’t have that burning hate in her eyes.

“(Y-Y/N)?”

His hand was still raised in the air, could still feel how she jumped at his touch before violently pulling away.

Just confusion and…fear.

Her reaction stung, like a stab to the heart.

Shaking her head, an almost pained look on her face as she held her hand against her chest. “I just…it’s just…” lowering her head, she swallowed hard. “I never forgot that you hate me.” That stopped him cold.

Clearing her throat, she held her clipboard with both hands. “I apologize if I overreacted. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Silenced by her words, he could only watch. The silence seemed to generate some sort of reaction to her, because she turned her head to him curiously, as though her words from earlier meant nothing. “Don’t you hate me?”

He sputtered. “W-Wha…?”

“I mean, after last year, it was clear that you hated me.”

Atsumu also came to a horrible realization: he may be on a high from the realization for all his faults, but she just was numbed by the pain. Her heart is tired, from everything that had to do with him, tired of loving him.

He forgot how fragile the human heart was, especially a woman’s heart.

Do you know how it felt to see the strongest person you know fall apart because of you? Unknowing of the inner turmoil they’ve had to deal with all their life, only to have you – their best friend, their first love, amplify the hurt and pain they’re going through?

Honestly, Atsumu couldn’t believe how much of an asshole he really was.

He was a lot of things, but an asshole? A heartless asshole? That was really something.

And what made it worse was the fact that despite all the pain he caused her, (Y/N) was acting like it was nothing to her, had to forcibly pull herself together in order to manage the team, seeing her hurt as her own fault – never had he felt so ashamed of himself.

“Well, I don’t!” he tells her, voice cracking. “I don’t, okay?” He repeats.

But his actions from last year said otherwise.

Before he could say anymore, Asano appeared, jumping at the sight of the two of them, as though she intruded into something. Quietly apologizing under her breath, she was just about to leave before (Y/N) reassured her, excused herself to him, and left with Asano in tow.

I want to say that I know you better than anyone else – anyone ever would and could. I probably know you better than you think.

I know this, because you’ve hurt me the most.

Hurt me in ways I never thought you would.

- Excerpt from letter 5 out of 13

The next time Atsumu saw (Y/N), she was dragging two trash cans in hand along the hallway. Something about seeing her like this, even outside practice hours, in her neatly pressed school uniform in lieu of her tracks, was not unusual to find but a sort of norm he found weirdly relaxing. That being said, seeing her carrying two loads of trash by herself angered him.

Mondays were usually the off days, as far as he knew (or heard from Osamu) it would usually be the day she offered to do class duties – taking out the trash, for one.

Steeling himself, he casually walks up to her, grabbing the can carrying the perishable trash.

“Here, let me give you a hand, (Y/N)!” he says with a smile, a wayward greeting.

He watches closely with bated breath at her reaction, response – everything. It took a while, seeing that he’s cut her off her deep trance, only to be disappointed at how guarded she became at the sight of her.

“Miya-san,” she greets with a slight nod.

Honestly, he doesn’t blame her after all the shit he put her through.

Remnants of glaze from her deep thinking slowly faded in those eyes of hers, he wondered what she was thinking about before he chimed in. Though, he doubts she would even tell him.

“What were ya thinking about?” And yet, he found himself asking anyway.

Seeing as the blond-dyed teen takes the other trash can in hand, and with ease, she resigns to lift the can on hand.

“…just about the kind of drills we should do with the new recruits,” decidedly, she tells him.

Humming, he adjusts the can slightly, comforted instantly by her response. “So, you’re tweaking the stuff we usually do?”

“Maybe, considering that we mostly have to work on defense now that Akagi-san has graduated. We might have weakened our offense a bit with Aran-san having graduated, as well, but we still have Ginjima, Suna, and Osamu…and you.”

Smiling at this, the two carefully turn towards the stairs. “Need help with the drills?”

“No need, I can always approach either Coach Kurosu or Coach Oomi.”

“Yeah, but as captain, I should at least share my input as well! Not to mention, I also wanna get involved with my team and all.”

Safely reaching the ground floor, (Y/N) seems to contemplate on his words for a second, nodding then. “Alright, that can be arranged. I will be meeting with both coaches tomorrow, since we’re technically still supposed to be resting today. I shall be updating you before practice, Miya-san.”

Miya-san. Captain. It stings to hear it from her, especially with such a clipped tone.

“Ah, by the way, (Y/N),” she looks up, just as she emptied out the can. “are you on cleaning duty today?”

“Yes.”

A certain memory pops up in his head, causing him to frown and explain his tone. “Do you need help?”

At the back of his head, he could still see a lone person sweeping the floors, arranging the desks, and such all by her lonesome. A younger, smaller version of the same person in front of her.

His offer gives her pause, until she gives a faint shake of her head. “There’s no need for that, there are others who are cleaning as well. I just volunteered to take the trash out.”

Relieved, he relaxes his shoulders. Then he says that he’ll walk her back to her classroom.

“That’s really unnecessary- “

“Psh, no worries (Y/N)! It’s just a few walks anyway~” he smiles. “Plus, I need the exercise!”

Despite this, she remains unyielding to even his best smile, at his sincerest. Practically forcing the other bin from his hands into hers, plastering a thin smile as she walks ahead.

“Thank you for your help, Miya-san. I’ll be updating you sometime this week.” With a bow, she turns and leaves, taking the two trashcans in hand. All while Atsumu watches.

So this is the reality he has made.

Dear Atsumu,

Sometimes I wish you could see how much I love you

I like you, and not just in a friend-way

Do you even realize how much hold you have on me

Sometimes, I wish I could hate you. I really do. Because sometimes, you’re really selfish. And prideful. And annoying. And superlatively childish that the noun itself seems like an insult to how you’ve become now.

Who am I kidding, of course you’re like this because you’re nothing more than a child. A child built into a six-foot-something build with a brain filled with nothing but idiotic things and self-fulfilling thoughts to boost your fragile ego.

Your name reads ‘to eat’ and wow, did you fucking eat a great load that you’ve shat upon everything and anything that came in your way.

I can’t believe this is the person you’ve become. You know what you’ve become? You’ve turned into my dad-

- Excerpt from letter 10 of 13, unfinished and with parts stained with dried tears, the edges crumpled

When the time came for the inevitable, that is life after high school, the three of them knew that their threes would now have to part.

Osamu in Kobe.

Atsumu in Osaka.

(Y/N) in Hiroshima.

Who knew that their unbreakable bond would come to this?

But even with the distance, even after an amicable rejection, Atsumu knew deep down in his heart that he would never ever forget his first love. He’ll accept that they can never be anything but friends, after shattering her fragile being. He’ll take it, so long as he could remained tethered to her in some way.

(Y/N) though, bless her soul, still found it in her heart to forgive him.

More than anything, he feels as though she should put him a tier together with her shitty father.

But she didn’t, that’s not her.

Having that knowledge alone was enough for him, made him love her even more.

Even though he was fine with them just being friends, Atsumu just can’t seem to shake away the feelings he has for (Y/N). As expected, he seeks her out when he can, excitedly talks to her, video calls (even though she’ll just be studying, he was fine with it, just watching her).

On the chance that both he and her would come home for Obon or special holidays, the feelings he had for her just seemed to build up. In fact, the more they interacted – both online and offline.

The feelings he had just couldn’t nor wouldn’t give up.

No matter what, they just couldn’t stop.

It was enough to make him feel guilty, for everything he did to her.

Had he been a better person then, he could have had her with him, be with him, love him just as she’s always had for years and years, and yet all he did was take said love of hers and walk over it.

On the morning of his first day at MSBY Black Jackals, he received a text from (Y/N). When he opened it, it was a selfie of her with a raised fist with the Peace Bell behind her. Following her selfie was a text that read, “I know you don’t need it, but I still prayed for the success of your professional athletics life. Welcome to the first day of your new life! You got this and I believe in you! Fighting!”

Fuck, he really can’t lie to himself, can he?

Atsumu stares at the photo of (Y/N), his (Y/N), eyes tracing the curve of her smile, the dents on her cheeks, at the flush on her cheeks.

Unconsciously, his expression began to soften, mirroring the smile he was looking at. Looking over the text, he reread it over and over, practically reading it in her voice.

Fingers began tapping for a quick reply before pocketing his phone. Feeling lighter, energized, he stares out his window contemplating on breakfast or a jog first. Eventually, he goes with the latter.

‘Thank you, (Y/N)! Chat with ya later!’

I want to say that it doesn’t hurt: hearing you go on and on how perfect my sister is, how beautiful she was, how amazing she was at soccer, or how she seems to brighten up your day just by the mere thought of her. Trust me, I know. I know my sister’s the best person out there - any guy would be lucky enough to date her. I just don’t want that someone to be you.

And yet, what can I do?

How are you blind to see that I’m right here? I won’t be as perfect, pretty, amazing, or bright as Mika, but I can try-

- Excerpt from letter 6 out of 13

One photo.

All it took was one photo and Atsumu felt his heart break.

For all the video calls, chats, and text messages, it took just a photo and of Suna, himself, to confirm that he and (Y/N) were dating. And somehow, for some reason, Atsumu couldn’t find it in himself to feel betrayed. Even his own brother didn’t know that the two had been dating!

It just caught him completely by surprise, is all.

Right after the reunion lunch, greeting Kita-san again a ‘happy birthday’, Atsumu later received a text from his twin inviting him out. Atsumu willingly complied.

As it turns out, Osamu has a higher tolerance of alcohol, Atsumu doesn’t, but he kept ordering drink after drink anyway. At first, the younger twin tried to shoot down Atsumu’s calls for another beer, growing increasingly annoying by the minute.

The older of the twins couldn’t help it though, beer – for all its disgusting first sip, was pretty addicting. Plus, it helped loosened him up after a rather hectic day!

So, Osamu just let him. Happily thinking that he won the bout on alcohol tolerance, and the fact that his brother would be the with a terrible hangover the next day.

Sliding over a new glass of beer, probably his fifth one, Atsumu just stared at it – at the bubbly, inviting golden liquor. The bubbles, for some reason, reminded him of (Y/N).

Why was that?

Oh right, she wore a white summer dress. She looked real pretty in it, like an angel. A really pretty, little angel.

And her smile?

The smile she had on?

Wow.

It just brightened her whole features, bringing the light casted by the moon to shame.

Even though they were miles way, with time stretching past the years, (Y/N) never left his mind. She’d linger at the back of his mind, whenever it wasn’t just about volleyball. At the end of the day, he was always left wondering what she was up to. When his mind tends to wonder, when questions come around, just the thought of her was enough to dispel it all and bring him to the surface.

Bringing the glass close, he held just the bottom, index finger running over the condensed glass. Carefully, his hands gripped on, bringing it to his mouth. Momentarily, as his view turned yellow, the curve of the glass somehow reminded him of the curve of (Y/N)’s smile, how it exposed the dents on her cheeks, the condensation seemed to allude of the time he made her cry.

Putting down his glass, he let out a breath.

Atsumu, who absolutely hated losing without a fight, knew this was the one thing he had to lose.

Through his muzzled mind, he could see her clearly – (Y/N), looking so beautiful dressed in white, smiling so radiantly, standing between Suna’s legs and arms.

Eventually, drunk, Atsumu broke down. “…I-I” he hiccups, voice trembling. “loved her, ‘Samu…” another hiccup, followed by a sniffle “I loved her.”

Osamu didn’t have to ask who, watching his brother with sad eyes.

“I really loved her…!” he hiccups again, strongly that he flinched.

Snot began dripping down his nose, tears rushing, too.

“I…” sniffles “…I didn’t know wha’ I 'ad…'til…it was…” taking an inhale, his voice becomes a shaky, miserable breath. “gone.”

Sighing, Osamu patted his brother’s shoulder. An unbecoming sight this was, heartbreaking to witness firsthand. Especially from someone who seems like such an ass, who’s all-high and mighty, a dumb perfectionist, condescending – all for the right and wrong reasons.

Atsumu leaned against the younger twin, crying softly. Osamu let him, uncaring that he was going to be covered in snot and tears.

“I-I loved her so much, ‘Samu!”

“…I know, 'Tsumu, I know.”

But it was already too late.

It pains me to know that you’re hopelessly in love with my sister. I mean, I can’t blame you – in every sense of the word, in every angle you look at, Mika’s perfect. And who am I? merely a shadow, an afterthought, a somebody next to her.

Sometimes, I wish you looked at me the same way you looked at her.

Sometimes, I wish I was the reason behind the shine in your eyes, the skip in your beat, the reason why you want to do more than just feed the hunger in you.

But this isn’t about me, this is about you.

You love two different things very differently.

I know your love for volleyball runs deep, but your love for Mika? Who knows how deep that pool is.

It just pains me to know how well I know you, how I’m right here, yet you chos-

- Excerpt from letter 9 out of 13

Japan National Team.

He made it.

He really did!

And he wasn’t alone!

Shoyo-kun, Bokkun, Omi, Aran-kun, Suna, and (Y/N), most especially!

When his manager broke out the news to him, his heart was filled with so much joy and happiness, ready to burst then and there.

It meant so much to him, to finally achieve his dream and go to greater heights.

Most especially, he had two of the most important people with him from his childhood – Aran and (Y/N).

(Y/N).

His breath hitched in his throat at her familiar frame, felt his whole being light up.

“(Y/N)!!!!!” he yelled excitedly, running towards her with his arms wide open.

Before she could fully face him, he had already engulfed her into a hug, lifting and twirling her around, laughing.

“Atsumu!” she laughed with him as she held on to him with her dear life.

“You’re here!!!!” he beams up at her, taking her in.

Without his twin next to him playing pro, he felt like half a person. Even when he was assured that this was his chosen happiness, just as culinary was Osamu’s, it didn’t mean it was any less lonely. Practically his whole life, it’s always been him and Osamu together. Veering off to their own paths of happiness was such an intimidating and scary journey.

Sure, he’s made friends here and there, but nothing can ever compete to the bond he has with his brother.

Well, almost nothing with (Y/N).

She, who was one of the most important people in his life.

She, who was also part of the equation of making his life’s journey in less lonely, boring, and a lot more worthwhile.

“I’m so happy you’re here!”

Even with her hair all over the place, from him twirling them around, watching her smooth it away from her face, wearing that smile he’s known his whole life, Atsumu just feels his heart settle and calm.

“While this reunion is grand and dandy, can you please put my girlfriend down?” says a voice, belonging to his high school teammate, Suna.

“Ah, right.”

Gently, he sets her down, watching as she rights her shirt and hair. Suna then walks towards her, his large hand engulfing in her small ones.

Despite everything that happened a year ago, Atsumu worked himself to be as civil as possible for (Y/N)’s sake. Amidst the amicable atmosphere of their reunion, there was still that tension between them.

“Hey, you’re all here!” another voice calls, rather cheerily.

The three turns, two of them have their faces split into huge grins.

“Aran-kun!”

“Aran-san!”

Said man grins ear to ear, walking in with his arms wide open to hug both him and (Y/N). Suna, not one for hugs, quietly pulled away, wore a smile as he watched the three, phone out to record the scene.

“Aran-san, are you crying?”

“HUSH, (Y/N)! DON’T RUIN THE MOMENT!”

“WAH, ARAN-KUN, YOU’LL MAKE ME CRY, TOO!”

Just like that, Atsumu feels like he’s starting volleyball all over again.

Even if his brother wasn’t there with them, it still feels like a part of him was with them.

…And then Hinata came barreling towards them, specifically at (Y/N) for a hug.

“I can’t believe they managed to get you, too!” He says to (Y/N) after their little meeting with the rest of the other members of Japan National Team. There were definitely a lot of promising players this year. And staff, too! In fact, practically half of the team and staff were comprised of promising youths!

They were all currently resting at the lounge area, relaxing, and catching up. Groups were split into smaller groups, enough for the athletes to get to know their fellow teammates or be acquainted with them.

“Me, either to be honest.” Settled in her seat, she props her arms on the table, leaning against it as a bright smile fills her pretty face.

(Y/N).

His (Y/N) was going to be on his national’s journey with him as one of the managers and as their local sports psychologist.

It still feels so surreal.

While he greatly respects and admires MSBY Black Jackals’ own team manager, there was just something in (Y/N)’s work ethic that he was so used to and found great comfort in. After all, she’s been a key integral part to his volleyball career spanning all the way since they first met, when she commented on his hunger as an astute observation to his name, has been there with him all this time. Or it might as well have to do with his familiarity with her.

“Well, she was greatly endorsed by the coach and Murase-san,” Suna comments, pride in his usually lackadaisical tone, an arm was wrapped around (Y/N)’s waist. “Of course, not to mention the fact that she used to the manager of one of the greatest high school volleyball team, and a powerhouse at that, too.”

Rolling her eyes, she playfully swats Suna’s face.

“It was by luck that I was accepted.”

“Probably helps that you also have a Psychology minor, too!”

“Lord knows we need psychological help, seeing as we have the ‘Generation of Monsters’ on our roster.” Ojiro mutters, already feeling the weight of the role assigned to him.

(Y/N) frowns slightly. “Seriously, who is coming up with these names?”

They laugh at that.

“Well, maybe now they’ll change your nickname to ‘Ryujin Nippon’s Guardian’!” Atsumu teases.

“I have a moniker already!?”

They laugh again, much to her chagrin.

You once asked me why I was scared around dogs and I told you of the time back in Miyagi, about the one dog I actually liked. My dad used to have this big dog. I think it was a bully, but I liked him very much and his name was Goji. His full name was Godzilla, but my sister complained how ugly it was hence, Goji. I loved that dog very much, would pet him every chance I got before and after school, would feed him when I had the chance.

But then, everything changed when I found out that Goji, sweet, wonderful, big boy, Goji, wasn’t even our dog to begin with.

My dad had put up a front that he was to keep Goji with us for a while, because Goji was actually his mistress’ dog.

I was so crushed when he told me. Mika never knew about this, though.

One day, I was out to feed Goji when he was seemed…off.

Turns out, he was actually quite rabid and my dad forgot to give him his shots.

But Goji seemed like someone had provoked him. And true enough, one of the neighbor kids were throwing rocks at him.

Angry, Goji barked and barked at the kids, who yelped and ran off upon realizing just how dangerous a big dog could be.

I, too, yelped. In fact, I was frozen in fear, for I had never heard this sweet, big boy bark so angrily in the months that I knew him.

He never stopped barking, even when I was there to give him food.

And since then, I stopped going to him.

Eventually, my dad had to give him back.

Mika cried. I cried.

But I never got angry Goji out of my head.

How a sweet face can twist and turn, how gentle marbles can be filled with so much anger and hatred.

Never realized how scary dogs could actually be.

And that was it.

Osamu had said something in the lines of ‘stupid buncha kids’. And you probably agreed with him then.

But I will never forget, that ever since I told you two of my fear of dogs, how you would always shield me from them, how you’d puff your chest as if to tell all the dogs that you were the alpha.

Funny as it was, you were so cool for it, Atsumu.

You were my hero.

Always have.

 - Excerpt from letter 4 out of 13

As much as it killed him to know that (Y/N) was with Suna, he knew he had no say in their relationship. What can he do, anyway? Nothing. All he can do is support them.

Through Suna’s socials, he can see how in love the two were, how Suna cherished every moment spent with her, how (Y/N) loved him back through her scarce posts in her own social media.

He hated to admit it, but he kept in touch with Suna’s activities in social media just to see how the two were, seeing (Y/N) in a bliss through his ex-teammate’s eyes.

Sometimes, he overworked himself during training just to keep his focus, to keep his mind off things. Volleyball was a wonderful distraction. Then came hang outs with his other teammates. He made sure to keep in touch with his Ma and Pa, Osamu, some of the Inarizaki friends he’s made, (Y/N). Then meddling with Sakusa’s lovelife, Osamu’s, Ginjima’s – wow, what a way to rub it in how single he was, universe!

On the days he, Bokkun, and Shoyo-kun (with the special participation of one equally nosy cousin all the way from Hiroshima) would butt into Sakusa’s love life was definitely one for the books, he’d say. For there was no greater joy in seeing this prickly, seaweed-haired, weasel tumble over someone. AND THEIR OWN MANAGER, TO BOOT!

Truly, it was a fun distraction.

As fun as it was though, distractions don’t really last long.

Still, life with MSBY Black Jackals was a lot of fun!

Not once has he ever doubted his chosen happiness, the one path he’s been set on since he witnessed how fun being a setter was. More than anything, this is what he wanted, this path was where he knew he’d be happiest.

It’s just that it gets a bit lonely on the way.

Sure, he tried a relationship here and there, but they never got to last for too long.

Because in all those relationships, something just felt missing, making said relationship half-assed. He couldn’t blame the girls, because it was on him.

Honestly, it sucked that he could date as much girls as he wants and yet feel that emptiness within him.

One night, just days after his last breakup, his phone rang.

He didn’t bother to pick up, just letting the ring resound in his room.

He thought that would be it, but then his phone rang again. And again. And again. And again.

Six times.

It was probably Osamu, he thought.

Lazily, he reached for his phone, sliding his thumb across the screen without looking and instinctively pressed to loudspeaker.

“Atsumu?”

Of course, he knew what was missing in all those failed relationships.

They weren’t her.

“…hey, (Y/N),” he sounded so lame.

There will always be that missing piece, one he’ll be desperately trying to find long after he’s broken the heart of his first love.

Until he can find his one true pair, Atsumu can only settle for what he can get – anything as close as the feelings he’s had with her.

There was really no other woman like (Y/N) in the world.

Even though they were miles away, she always could sense if something was up with him, always made sure to text, call, or lend her time. Even when she was dating Suna!

Suna was really lucky to have her.

But then, something happened.

For some reason, when Atsumu woke up today, something in his gut told him something was up. Breakfast tasted great as always, his morning jogs had him pumping while the latest top hit played on his earphones, on the way to work, he even met up with his manager – WITH SAKUSA ON THE PASSENGER SEAT! and had a grand time teasing the heck outta him until they reached the gym. Despite all this, in the next few hours during training, the feeling he felt that morning gnawed at him hard. It kept at him all day.

Alarms were sounding off in his head, but he didn’t know what it was about.

It wasn’t until he called up Osamu, and as though the theories about twin telepathies were true. And true enough, something was wrong.

Without hesitation, Atsumu took off and took the first train to Hiroshima, filled with absolute worry for (Y/N), sending her text after text. With no reply, he felt his anxiety spike up, wishing the train to go faster. Granting, the train ride from Higashiosaka to Hiroshima took all of two hours and thirty minutes felt like a lifetime. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, the six-foot-something athlete practically dashed out the train once the doors opened, pulling his phone out to read out the address Komori sent him.

Lungs burning from the run, he finally reached their apartment building when he saw Suna.

At the sight of him, his blood boiled, something in him snapped – Atsumu saw red.

“SUNA, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” he yelled, his fist slamming against Suna’s jaw. Suna stumbles back a few paces.

“ATSUMU!” (Y/N) screamed.

Staggering, the taller man lifted his arm, keeping (Y/N) back.

“HOW DARE YOU!”

“Atsumu-“ Suna tried, only to be shoved back harshly.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER!”

“Atsu-“ “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN I WAS!”

Suna kept his head low, taking in Atsumu’s words, letting him grab him by the collar.

“YOU DARE MAKE HER CRY?” he seethes into his face, glaring hotly at him. “YOU FUCKING DID THAT, HUH, SUNA!?”

With Suna’s head still down low, unresponsive to his words, it boiled Atsumu’s blood even more. Pulling his hand back, Atsumu was just about ready for another punch when a sob broke sounded off, stopping him cold.

“Atsumu, please…!” turning his head, he was met with a heartbreaking sight, a sight he never wanted to see after middle school. (Y/N) with her already swollen eyes, tears spilling uncontrollably. “P-Please, stop.” Her voice was barely a whisper, watery, begging.

How the sight made him weak, his grip on Suna slacking, taking a step back. Not a second later, (Y/N) rushes up to Suna, (e/c) eyes searching all over him worriedly. Suna, on the other hand, quietly soaks up her worry, leaning his face against her touch. An intimate moment Atsumu felt like he was horribly intruding.

“(Y/N)-chan?” a middle-aged man approached, concerned at the group. “I-Is everything alright? What’s happening?”

It was pretty dark out, just a few people lingered around the area. Still, they created quite a scene.

Hiccupping, (Y/N) wiped her eyes. “Y-Yachan,” composing herself, she shook her head. “T-Thank you for your concern but please don’t worry, this is just a misunderstanding.”

Despite her tone, the older man nodded, staring back at the group – particularly at Atsumu, in worry. “Are you sure, dear?”

She nodded, lips pressing firmly against each other, struggling to swallow down a sob lest she breaks down again.

Silently, the three of them made their way into the building, Atsumu still fuming mad, Suna unable to raise his head in shame with his hand wrapped tightly around (Y/N)’s, who was struggling to keep herself from crying again.

Upon reaching their home, (Y/N) quietly takes out her keys, shakily slots in it, and they walk in.

Atsumu, unable to keep his angered gaze on Suna, pride swelling at the sight of his bruised cheek. His knuckles hurt, itching only to punch Suna in the face had he not remembered (Y/N).

(Y/N), whom he hasn’t seen crying since graduation.

(Y/N), the most fragile person he wanted to protect even from miles away.

(Y/N), who was crying and pouring her heart out for Suna.

Somehow, that knowledge hurt him – continues to hurt him.

(Y/N), who talks to Suna in a hushed whisper, about something he didn’t catch, before Suna nods, pressing their foreheads together, presses a quick kiss on her lips, before disappearing into one of the rooms.

Now alone, with Atsumu at the entryway, (Y/N) keeps her arms around herself, slowly looking over her shoulder to meet his gaze. “C-Come in…”

And he does, slipping on some guest slippers he found.

“Do you want something to drink?” she asks, mostly out of courtesy. “Water? Tea?”

Seeing as she was now, evident by her shaky voice, he knew she was in no state to heat up a kettle for herself.

“(Y/N),” he starts. She doesn’t say anything, her hands had gone limp around her.

“(Y/N),” he tries again, taking a step.

“You didn’t have to hurt him, Atsumu…” her voice was weak, wet, and warbled. “He was already hurting…”

“But he hurt you, too.” He argues, frowning.

“I know,” she nods weakly, falling quiet for a while. “…but we’re working on it, as all relationships do.”

Just the sight of her looking as though she could break any second was torture. She looks so small in this light, as though she were ready to collapse any time. And yet, at the same time, she seems so steadfast, so determined.

Making his way towards her, his honey brown eyes searching, finding, meeting her wet (e/c) eyes.

For as long as he can remember, her eyes were always either carefully blank, guarded – being the most emotionally stunted and guarded person he’s ever known his whole life. When it came to matters of the heart, that was the only time her eyes reflected her emotions tenfold. It’s why he was so shocked at her outburst during the incident, why he never forgot how distraught she looked back in middle school (it being the very first time since he knew her that he ever saw her cry).

Or how she looks like she’s still willing to fight on despite everything, how her (e/c) eyes still burn with determination to fix things.

Crying just never seemed to suit her.

However, humans were capable of crying if it were caused by extreme emotions – such as anger, sadness, grief, and even…

“You really love him, huh?”

Biting her lip, she nods again. A whimper trapped in her throat.

Love.

Atsumu feels something inside him crumble. What can he do with that, now?

Simple.

Without a word, he takes her in his arms, like all those years ago.

For someone so small, she sure was capable of holding so much love and hurt. It never ceases to amaze him how wonderful it feels to have her in his arms, how painful it was to know that she was hurting. Yet, he pushed all those aside in favor of just wanting to wash her pain.

“I’m not sorry I punched him, (Y/N).” he whispers, rubbing comforting circles on her back, uncaring that his shirt was starting to get wet. “Osamu and I did promise that we’d beat that fucker’s ass if he ever dared to make you cry.”

He could have sworn she laughed a bit, he couldn’t tell, but it was something in the least.

Just like this, he could close his eyes and pretend that everything was alright. That she was free from pain, that she wasn’t suffering. And selfishly? While in these few moments he could pretend that she was his, that these tears shed were all for him.

A shuffle cuts them of their moment, releasing (Y/N) as the two find Suna emerging from the toilet, with a first aid kit in hand. Unable to help himself, Atsumu feels his blood boil all over again, the bruise on Suna’s face doing very little to ease him.

Sensing his anger, he feels a squeeze on his forearm.

Ushering her boyfriend to sit down, she does the same to Atsumu. While she begins to clean up her boyfriend’s face, they began talking.

Suna starts off then confesses to everything – his deepest insecurities, with the fact that he could never compete with Atsumu, how it got so bad and deep that it blinded him, drove him nearly to madness and lead to where they were now.

The revelation was much as a shock to Atsumu more than anything.

When Suna was done speaking it was the same time (Y/N) was done patching him up, immediately his hands reached for (Y/N)’s, threading their fingers together. (Y/N)’s expression very nearly crumpled, leaning her head against her boyfriend’s shoulder, to which Suna gently pressed a kiss on her crown.

Honey-brown eyes landed on his ex-teammate’s frame, the tall, unassuming, nonchalant, deadpan, quiet, and sarcastic man before him, feared and hated for his extremely sharp game sense, his unique spikes, and his ability to manipulate blockers, seemed so…vulnerable, hollow, a shell of his own being.

For some reason, it felt like he was staring at someone similar.

Just then, he feels his phone ringing. Picking up, he unlocks it without looking, only to hear Osamu’s voice: “Put me on speaker. I need to talk to this asshole.”

And that’s how the rest of the night goes: the twins confronting Suna, with (Y/N) listening in. Suna, having to confess again everything.

In the end, all was forgiven.

Not that easily, but it was a start with Atsumu punching Suna and Osamu’s threats over the phone.

And because Atsumu came to Hiroshima on a whim, he slept in the guest room, needing to borrow Suna’s clothes for sleep much to his chagrin.

He couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t shake off all that’s happened today. He and Osamu exchanged a few texts, he also texted Coach Samson, his manager, and his captain about his sudden leave. Bokuto, Hinata, too, who had seen him rush out the gym.

Atsumu had a fitful night’s worth of sleep.

When he walked out of his borrowed room, he takes in Suna and (Y/N)’s shared apartment. Considering a professional athlete’s wage, it was no surprise that Suna would choose something so spacious. For the most part, the whole place was cleaner than he expected, maximized a lot of space, and had a dose of Suna’s love for video games, shows, and movies with the occasional posters here and there. With (Y/N) around, he figured that she might’ve contributed to the organization in a sense.

With all the excitement from last night, he didn’t bother or hadn’t really taken a proper look at the place.  His eyes roamed around from the half-drawn curtains from their balcony window, simple yet modern pieces of furniture, some photos displayed on the shelves, Atsumu was awed by it all before he was greeted by the sight of pillows and blankets on the sofa from the reflection of their large screen television.

Hearing movement, Atsumu followed the sound to find Suna Rintarou rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen. It was a sight to behold alright, then again, he didn’t really know much about the guy after high school. After finding out that he’s been dating (Y/N), everything just blanked out.

“Oh, um…hey,” came Suna’s greeting, bags underneath his bloodshot eyes, his hair was unkempt.

The shiner was in its full glory, a reminder of last night.

Nodding in return, Atsumu pockets his hand, eyeing the set up in the living room. “You slept here?”

Suna was quiet for a while, giving him a blank stare, then at the ingredients he laid out on the counter. Eventually, he hums in response. “After what happened,” his one hand balls into fists against the counter. “after I nearly broke up with (Y/N), I couldn’t…I can’t be by her side…”

Suna’s said as much as he can from last night, how he had spiraled so much that it lead to him wanting to break up with one of the best women he’s ever known. Still, Atsumu couldn’t help the anger broiling inside him.

“Is she still asleep?” Atsumu asks in one exhale, eyeing one of the doors, wondering which one was hers. Or theirs.

“Yeah. I…” Atsumu turns back to him. “I checked up on her earlier. She’s sleeping like a log,” the two smile at that, knowing how much of a heavy sleeper she was.

Atsumu decides to walk to the kitchen – even their kitchen looked great, wow – seeing the ingredients and utensils all set up. Suna still doesn’t look up.

Behind Suna was a rice cooker and a coffeemaker, and for some reason it makes him think of his brother.

“Where do you stock the rice?”

Suna looks up, assessing him for a while, before wordlessly pointing to the lower cabinets. “First one to your right.”

“Does (Y/N) still take her coffee in the morning?”

“Um, yeah. Coffee’s just on the cupboard to your left.”

And like that, the two silently work on breakfast. Little was said to each other as they moved around, the sounds of utensils echoing throughout their kitchen.

Through the kitchen window, a gentle breeze whisked by as though in greeting, bringing with it the warmth and promise of a new day.

Slowly, the kitchen began to fill with rich aroma, greeting back to the two men.

While Atsumu sets the table, Suna carefully transfers the food to the waiting plates, carefully walking towards the dining area.

Breakfast was set. Back in the kitchen, the coffee machine beeped. The pan that Suna had used was sizzling softly. Both men were silent, looking at the readily-made food, the set table, the dining table – anywhere but themselves.

Silence thickening.

“I know you’re still in love with her.” Suna finally says without looking, hands planted on the chair he was leaning on, large hands swallowing the chair’s edges. “But I’m her end game now.”

Atsumu scoffed at that, side-eyeing him. “So what’re you asking for? My blessing?”

Suna turned to him and just stared, jaw set. “…perhaps. Even though you’re still an obnoxious fake blond bitch,” for a second, his lips quirk, eyes softening “you’re (Y/N)’s best friend.”

Best friend. Atsumu doesn’t know how to respond to that, really. However, he settles for a nod. The ‘best friend’ part stinging slightly because he knows that it’s better suited for Osamu. Despite them making up on her 19th birthday, the title on him felt so undeserving.

(L/N) (Y/N) was his best friend alright, could have been more if he was smarter, yet she was the one person who had a hold of his heart long before he knew it. She, who had the biggest, kindness, and gentlest heart of everyone he’s ever known.

Meeting his ex-teammate in the eye, he says. “SunaRin, take care of her for me, alright?” the shiner from last night molts the underside of his eye, his pride swelling a bit. “Take care of her heart.”

Take care of her heart for me.

The smell of breakfast was making their stomachs growl, their mouth to water. So just when the two ex-teammates were about to check on (Y/N) a door opened. Still in her nightwear, with her hair was lightly brushed, she paused when the door was fully open, staring at the two men, who were staring back at her.

Sniffing, her eyes then fell at the food set on the table. Ever so slowly, the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile.

“Shall we eat?”

And the three ate breakfast, quietly. Any attempt at conversation felt awkward – especially for the two men, but for (Y/N)’s sake, they at least had to try to appease and quell her anxiety. Especially noting the dark circles under her eyes.

After breakfast, Atsumu’s phone began to sound off and he rushed out to answer it. It was his manager, asking him where he was, what was he doing, and if he was coming back to Hoshiosaka anytime soon. Truly, he did not think things through.

Assuring his manager that he was fine, and that he had to attend an emergency, and “no, I don’t need to take a leave, I’ll be taking the first train back now”, he released a sigh afterwards. (Y/N) had mentioned over breakfast that his clothes were probably all dried up now. With that, Atsumu can just change and quickly get out of their hair.

Walking out of the room, Atsumu noticed that the apartment was relatively quiet. Taking a few steps, he craned his head searching was about to call out for Suna or (Y/N) only to stop.

He didn’t mean to intrude, but what was in front of him made him stop.

Suna was holding (Y/N), nose burying on the crook of her neck, shoulders lax, while her fingers run through his hair. An intimate moment he felt like he was intruding.

Even from where he stood, he could hear Suna whispering apologies over and over, pouring and baring himself to her.

All (Y/N) could do was anchor him, maybe them both, fingers massaging the ends of his hair, holding close, holding tight. Quietly nodding at his words, lovingly caressing him, whispering back to him with as much love and reverence Suna threw at her.

Atsumu felt his heart ache.

If only he wasn’t such a prideful brat, if only he could have seen what he had, if only he was a better person.

But there was no point wallowing in ‘if only’s especially when it’s long past, most especially when he’s the one who made his very reality. He can blame the younger him all he wants, but at the end of the day, that person was still him.

If only…then he could’ve had what they have, could have (Y/N) in his life.

As (Y/N) pulled back, gently taking Suna’s face in her hands, (e/c) searching, waiting, before he raised his gaze to meet hers. No words were exchanged between them. But a person’s eyes can hold so any emotions, can tell a lifetime of stories with how deep and luminous they were.

They couldn’t take their eyes off each other – (Y/N) offered him a reassuring smile, Suna tentatively smoothed her hair, cupping her cheek afterwards, all while watching her as though she were the most precious thing in the world.

Really, it was too much for him.

Atsumu looked away just as the two shared a kiss.

Then again, he’s stuck with ‘if only’s.

I just know that no matter how hard I try, how many wishes I make, how many times I’ve thought about it, I’ll just never be her. I’ll never fill that spot in his heart specifically for her. There’s no place for me for me in your heart, Atsumu.

- Excerpt from (Y/N)’s letter, 8 out of 13

Atsumu tries to not let it get to him, he really does.

But life just never turns out or goes however you want now does it? Because it’s been years and his heart still yearns for that one inevitable, his one constant. Not that he’s complaining about his status – a pro V-league athlete, one of the country’s most promising players, and most eligible bachelors, he is very much satisfied with where he is.

But is he really?

Atsumu was the type of person who’ll never be satisfied, someone with a terrifying hunger for more. It was in his name after all ‘to devour’, and boy did he crave for it all – cheers, jeers, the thrill of the game. A mad craving that was unsatiable, a hunger that made him all the more terrifying as one of the country’s most prolific athlete.

And yet, he couldn’t be fully satisfied.

Not really.

EJP Raijin was to play against MSBY Black Jackals for the semi-finals match.

The gym was pretty packed, crowds filling the stadium. From the corner of his eye, he could spot his brother’s stand accompanied by a small fidgety figure manning the cash register.

From across the court, he wills himself to be happy at the sight of (Y/N) and Suna. The middle blocker wore a soft smile on his face as he stared down at (Y/N), who returned the gesture with the same soft endearing look on her face.

Months have passed since what happened, and the two look more in love than ever.

“Hey Atsumu,” Suna greets.

“SunaRin,” he smiles, a smug grin on his face. “let’s have a good match, yeah?”

The middle blocker meets his smug grin head-on, slapping his hands into his into a handshake.

It was a close match.

Atsumu played like he always did, being the master of his tune whilst his teammates danced along. Suna doing the same, thwarting every chance he gets (managing to even get Atsumu riled up at one point).

But in the end, MSBY Black Jackals came out victorious, bagging their first win for the season.

Nothing will honestly be better than the taste of victory.

Ah, these were the moments one just had to live for.

Atsumu will honestly never get enough of living through the roars, the rush of high, of victory in his veins.

This was him in his happiest.

He lived for these moments.

Yeah, he tells himself.

Sure, victory was great and all.

But when the match was over, hands were shook, bows were made, it just took a glance at the other side of the court and see two familiar figures for him to feel…hollow.

Sure, he was on an all-time high from the win, heck, they even had some shenanigans during the interviews post-match. But at the end of the day, it still gets a bit lonely at times.

All alone in the locker room, Atsumu hunched over, elbows on his knees.

Even he can’t deny himself that.

“A-Achumu…?” came a small voice.

Atsumu barely realizes the loneliness nor the fact that everyone left him alone. Looking up, he couldn’t help the smile forming on his face when he met big orbs of adorableness, peeking from the doorway. With the door half open, he could hear Bokuto’s voice in the hallway, probably off somewhere chatting, with Adriah’s laughter resounding after.

“Heya Hare-chan,” despite the feeling of loss (for someone who won), he wears a smile if for the little girl’s sake. “what’cha doing here? Where’s your mum?”

Blinking, she fiddles her hands. “Ta-Ta…” she frowns slightly at her words. “Ta-Talk” Atsumu nods encouragingly “…Chu- Shu! Shuugo-chan.” God, she was so adorable.

“I see.”

Those big eyes never leave his face. “A-Achumu o-okay?”

Not one to lie, especially with those eyes on her, he shrugs. “Not really, Hare-chan.”

“…w-why?” she tilts her head, prolonging on the last syllable.

Humming, Atsumu fixes himself, still hunched over his shoulders.

In his head, he apologizes to his teammates, Coach Samson, his manager, everyone. Not that he hates victory – heck, he lives and thrives for the thrill of achieving it! It’s just that, it’s EJP Raijin. And with EJP Raijin-

Quirking his lips upward, he hopes the little girl could believe him.

Kids were far too innocent for their own good, too pure. It wasn’t right to dump all his complicated feelings on someone as precious as her.

She blinks, those adorable eyes taking him in.

“Achumu?”

“Yeah?”

Fiddling with her shirt, she bashfully tells him. “Hare wuvwuv you…”

Ah, kids were adorable.

Aside from getting a chance to play the sport he loves, to play with incredible high-caliber teammates, he was infinity lucky to call them all family. Especially this one precious girl.

Taking the little girl in his arms, he squeezes her tight. “Yeah, I wuvwuv you, too, Hare-chan.”

I’ve had this thought for a while: do you know how funny the concept of love is? How it’s finite and infinite at the same time.

Of all the things science can’t explain, love is pretty high on that list.

Try as they might, but can science really explain a feeling, a phenomenon that extends and transcends throughout time? That can cause the worst heart ache known to man?

It’s amazing how a single person is capable of love.

How one’s love can be infinite and finite at the same time.

One has to wonder just how much some people are capable of love, how much they’re willing to offer, how much they’re willing to receive.

And you know the funny part?

Love can take just as much as it receives.

And yet, the heart can still manage either way.

- (Y/N)’s letter, 11 out of 13

Together, the twins walked towards a white wooden door they were directed to. Osamu knocked first, then gently turned the doorknob before entering.

“You wanted to see us?”

As one, their breath hitched at the sight of her, sitting in front of a vanity mirror dresser, dressed in white, face bright with her features highlighted by makeup, her hair styled elegantly with a few flowers adorning her (h/c) hair – was their (Y/N).

“Wow, (Y/N),” Atsumu spoke first. “you look,” suddenly, he felt his eyes water, his lower lip trembling. “S-Sorry, I-“

Beside him, Osamu rolled his eyes. Atsumu was always more emotional than his brother, who was seconds away from tearing up himself.

She laughed, standing up to meet them both.

Hands reaching out, the twins instantly took hold of her hand in one of their own.

“You look beautiful,” Atsumu says, swallowing down hard.

Quirking his lips, Osamu nodded. “You really do, (Y/N).”

“Thank you,” she laughs again, breathlessly, eyes crinkling, exposing the dents of her cheeks.

This was finally happening, their (Y/N) was to be wed!

Just a few weeks ago, they were at the Olympics – where Japan just barely made it through semi-finals, placing just fourth place, and here they are now!

“Crazy how time flies, yeah?” Osamu comments, never letting go of her hand.

“I was just thinking that, ‘Samu.” Atsumu seconds.

Nodding, the blushing bride says, “Me, three.”

Their large, calloused hand against her small ones, it was such a sight to behold.

“Just yesterday I was alone in the womb- OW!” Osamu yelps as Atsumu stomps on his foot, hard.

“OF ALL THINGS YOU COULD THINK OF!? WAY TO RUIN THE MOOD, SHITTY ‘SAMU!”

“LIFE PROBABLY WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER IF I ATE YOU IN THE WOMB!”

“HAH!? AND LET YOU LIVE A BORING LIFE? PLEASE!”

“AT LEAST IT’D BE QUIET!”

“SHUT UP, YOU UGLY SLUT!”

“BITCH, WE HAVE THE SAME FACE!”

Before another insult could be hurled, the twins yelped in pain as the bride-to-be crushed their hand in hers, a cool, calm, patient smile on her face.

“Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu,” she sighs, finally letting go, the two sighing in relief, taking their hands away to nurse or stretch it out. “Even all these years, you two never fail to bicker about, huh?”

Together, the two share a pained laugh, shaking their hands.

“Eh, you love us anyway, (Y/N)!”

“Plus, your life wouldn’t be the same without us!”

Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t help the smile making its way back to her face. “Well, someone had to keep you two, in check.”

Exchanging looks, the twins then reach out to take her hand again in theirs, squeezing gently. (Y/N) stares at them, her expression softening.

Seeing her in all white was like seeing her fresh off a fantasy, more so that she was getting married during fall in a church by the forest on a beautiful sunny day. What a picture-perfect marriage.

“Have Auntie and Uncle dropped by?” asked Osamu.

She nods. “They did, together with Mika, Reiki, and little Katsuo.”

“Wow, almost forgot that Mika-nee’s carrying baby number two.”

“So,” Osamu drags a bit before asking, rather cheekily. “were there tears?”

(Y/N) frees her hand from his hold to playfully smack him.

“Oi! Can’t blame me! Auntie and Uncle are quite the emotional pair of siblings!”

Memories of the three walking into her mom and uncle crying over a Japanese-dubbed Korean drama, or J-Drama come to mind. There were even stories (Y/N) shared of her mother and uncle crying over some emotional commercial, together with Mika. She had to explain to her very confused brother why they were crying so much.

“Wait a minute, where’s brother boy?” Atsumu wonders aloud, the familiar nickname makes (Y/N) smile.

Tipping her head a bit, it gestures out the window. “He went to answer a call from his girlfriend.”

At that, the twins paused. Exchanging glances before meeting their best friend’s knowing expression, almost in anticipation.

“Wait-“

“Is he still dating that girl from last time?”

“But I thought they broke up?”

(Y/N) shrugs a shoulder. “I have honestly no idea anymore. I mean, I should be concerned, but it’s my little brother’s relationship and I don’t want to intrude unless he asks me or something.”

“He’s grown up, that one.”

A single sentence, pertaining to a singular person, suddenly held so much weight for everyone in the room.

The silence that brewed in, thickened. Thickened with realizations, of happy memories, of nostalgia, all of which have stretched on into eternities enough to fortify and strengthen the bond for the three people in the room.

“Well,” Atsumu was first to break the silence, letting out a deep, heavy breath. “this is it, huh, (Y/N)?”

“Yeah,” she says breathlessly, nodding.

Running his thumbs over her skin, Atsumu couldn’t take his eyes off her, hadn’t been able to since he first stepped into the room. Something lodged into his throat when their eyes met, his chest felt the beating of his heart. “Yeah, you’re finally getting married.”

She was glowing, it hurt to look at someone so bright and beautiful like this.

“You’re not getting cold feet, aren’t ya?”

Shaking her head, a faraway look painted on her face. “No, it’s just that…I can’t believe this is happening.” Laughing nervously, her hold on them loosened a bit. “Who could’ve thought I’d be here?”

“Of course, you’d be here.” Osamu, ever the best friend, was quick to quell her insecurities. “And it’s happening right now, (Y/N). No use fussing otherwise.”

Nodding after his brother’s words, Atsumu squeezes her hand tight, wanting just as much to quell away all negativity on her special day. “What ‘Samu says, (Y/N). There’s no way you would not be here right now. There’s no way you, who deserves all the love in this damn universe, shouldn’t be blessed with this much joy and happiness.”

Her smile was a little brighter, if that were even possible, her light shining brighter than before.

Exchanging glances with each other, the twins slowly bent over to affectionately peck their best friend on her head.

“I’m so happy to share this amazing moment of my life with two of my best friends.”

Just then, the doors open, revealing her youngest brother, Kaoru, who was all grown up. He looked just like Mika and (Y/N), with features that of their father’s. Personally, Atsumu feels like he takes his features from (Y/N), his extroverted personality were from Mika.

At the sight of his sister, the young man’s mouth opens slightly, tears quickly welling up his eyes. The sight causes the three coo at him in unison.

“Aww, brother boy!” Atsumu cries, feeling himself tear up as well.

“Now, now,” Osamu wraps an arm around his shoulders, leading him to his older sister.

“S-S-Sorry…” says Kaoru, wiping tears away.

“No need to cry, Kaoru.” (Y/N) smiles at him, the same smile she’s always worn for him. “But I have to say, you’re really like mom and uncle, both of them cried at the sight of me, too. Mika, even.”

“Aha! So there were tears!” As he said that, Osamu wasn’t quick enough to dodge a smack on the shoulder. The four of them laugh.

Finally calm, Kaoru exhales, nods at his sister. “Nee-san, it’s time.”

Nodding, she straightens, then turns to the twins, smile ever in place. “Well, this is it guys.”

The four then exit the lounge, down into a hall where her bridal entourage awaits her.

One of her bridesmaids, Airi, Suna’s little sister, excitedly hands her bouquet, then she gets in line with the rest of the bridesmaids. Atsumu and Osamu were then gestured by the wedding organizer of their places.

Wrapping her arm around her brother’s, she meets the eyes of her dear best friends.

“See you guys out there.”

As much as she wanted her uncle to walk her down the aisle so bad, unfortunately, tragedy struck years back that caused him to lose his ability to walk and that put him on a wheelchair. It pained (Y/N) when it happened, especially since she loved the man as though he was her own father.

In his place of her beloved uncle though, was Kaoru, who was more than happy and willing to walk his big sister down the aisle. However, he laid out a condition. As he compelled to have the twins walk her, too! Seeing as they were also a part of his big sister’s life.

Uncle was more than happy to allow this, as did the blushing bride.

Halfway through the aisle, the twins stood in waiting, at their beautiful (Y/N), wearing the most beautiful smile all day.

As Kaoru handed his big sister, he couldn’t help but shed a few tears.

(Y/N), ever the sister, gently wiped away his tears. ‘Awws’ could be heard from the crowd.

Before he could hand her over though, Kaoru reached over to peck his big sister’s forehead, mirroring her smile on his own.

And now, it was them three now.

(Somewhere in the crowd, Ojiro couldn’t help the tears streaming down his face as he watches the scene unfold, tears streaming even harded when it was the twins and her now.)

Three for threes.

It’s always been the three of them – Atsumu, Osamu, and (Y/N).

With the Miya twins, being two parts of one whole chaotic mess, who knew that it just needed the arrival of one (Y/N) to keep the world in balance, to keep the twins sane, afloat, grounded.

With every step, Atsumu could just paint out the parts of his life when it was just the three of them.

Three for threes.

One step for the shared glory.

Two steps for every little fights, easily resolved by cold logic told matter-factually.

Three steps forward for the future awaiting them.

Good things come in threes, he was once told.

Sometimes it’s funny how much Atsumu held on to them threes that it blinded him to the reality that the threes would slowly break off and go their separate paths.

It was probably a notion he never wanted to entertain.

A part of him that was scared to grow up and face the music alone.

Glancing to his side, his eyes were blessed with the most beautiful bride he’s come to know, to her other side, was the best brother anyone could ask for.

He can never ask for a better twos to create their threes.

Good things come in threes after all.

And that they will be, always be.

Even if they have to veer off their separate paths.

But even if they’ve headed off, deep down, they knew that the number three will never be the same again. Threes shall forever be embedded with memories, memories they will hold on forever, never let go in their hearts.

There are so many things he regrets, regrets that would soon pile to haunt him in the future. But even like this though, she remains his beloved.

Once more, Atsumu’s eyes fall to his beloved – (Y/N), the most beautiful bride this world came ever seen. Her (e/c) were set forward, towards the man waiting for her, who held her heart just as she held his.

It hurts.

It really fucking hurt so much.

Because he loves her, he’ll always love her.

But that was it: he loves her, she loves him, but she loves someone else much more.

So, even if he’s on the verge of breaking down right now, he will bear them. As the person who broke her heart, it was only karmic happenstance that it should come to this. Submerged into the ache he’s held for so long, only to somehow feel like the surface coming up.

As the light falls down on her beautiful features, his mind flies to meeting her for the first time.

Slowly, the pain disappears.

Slowly, his heart settles.

Slowly, they reach the end of the aisle, to where the twins hand over to her husband-to-be.

Truly, one cannot mistake the love the two shared when they finally met for what seems like a lifetime in a span of minutes.

The sight alone should hurt him, kill him, but Atsumu just smiled, making his way to the groom’s side, joining the other groomsmen.

Maybe not now, maybe not today, maybe not ever will he ever heal from this.

For just seeing that smile on her beautiful face – how illuminating it was all day, for some reason, he felt as though it were embracing him. And he allowed himself to relish in it.

Even if nothing was said, nothing was revealed, he understood.

Confession: sometimes, when it’s 11:11, if I see a shooting star, I make a wish that you’d somehow come to like me. Embarrassing, right? But I held on to it each and every time. You can’t exactly blame me and my little hopes.

- Excerpt from (Y/N)’s letter, 3 out of 13

Seeing the large bump on (Y/N) felt surreal, unreal. There was tiny life in there, a tiny person created by two people. And months from now, a baby will come out.

Atsumu couldn’t stop himself from smiling, looking at (Y/N)’s belly, her hands rubbing all over it.

“You’re gonna be a momma, (Y/N).”

Returning his smile – soft and full of bliss, she replies. “It feels so unreal, to be honest.”

His smile could probably split his face in half, but he honestly just couldn’t stop.

Months of her pregnancy has everyone within their social circle in a mix of both panic, worry, and stress, especially considering how much of a workaholic she was in a high-energy industry like sports.

“Actually, Atsumu, do you want to be the godfather?”

His eyes widen. “M-Me?”

“Yeah, you, asshole.”

(Y/N) playfully smacked her husband’s arm, the light catching the glint on her finger.

“Technically, you and Osamu were my first and only choice.”

“My?” Atsumu repeats.

Suna’s expression remains unchanged, but the corner of his lips twitch for a second as he shrugs nonchalantly. “Whatever the wife says goes.”

“I haven’t told Osamu yet, due to the time difference seeing as he and his beau are vacationing in Denmark.” Her response alone gave him a sense of pride, a natural reaction, he supposes, for one upping his twin at something. She must’ve known, because she was laughing lightly at the look on his face.

“So? What do you say, Atsumu?”

There was so much hope and anticipation in her tone, shining over the overwhelming joy blossoming her features. Who was he to deny her? Especially when she looks like this?

“I would be honored, (Y/N), SunaRin.”

You’re probably one of the best parts of my move to Hyougo.

It’s a pretty new place sandwiched between land and sea, filled with strange new faces who speak in equally strange tongues than the ones I’m used to back in Miyagi.

I would say both you and Osamu were the best parts of my move, quickly befriending me out of probably due diligence as we’re neighbors. But I will never forget how you immediately called out to me after my one comment about your competitiveness.

Honestly, I’m so happy to be in a place I can now call home. A place that’s brighter, happier for not only me, but for everyone in my family.

Thank you for being one of the best and my favorite parts of Kobe, Hyougo.

- (Y/N)’s letter, excerpt from letter 12

Seven days after she gave birth, an Oshichiya was held.

It was a simple dinner, filled with family and select friends, who managed and willingly travelled all the way to Hiroshima just to meet the newborn child.

As per tradition, the father was to write down their child’s name. A tradition, that made Suna nervous, because he had sloppy handwriting, and didn’t want to embarrass his newborn baby and wife. (Also, his wife was the one who did Shodo, why the heck was this on him!?)

Fortunately, he managed, and the whole world was told of their daughter’s name.

“Shio.”

“Like salt?” he asks, fixing her a confused look.

(Y/N) laughs, quickly turning to him. “No, dummy! Here let me write it down so I can explain,” Out of nowhere, she flourishes a pen – always never one without it, then searches for something to write on.

Laughing, Atsumu offers his hand.

Mirroring his laugh, seeing as there was no other option, she inches closer, closing the distance between them, taking his large hand in hers.

Even after all this time, his breath still hitches slightly at the feel of her soft hands on his, especially at her thumb smoothing over his palm. Seeing the peaceful look on her face as she wrote clearly shows that her days in shodo have paid off, especially with the smooth and careful way she wrote out her daughter’s name. Even when she was just using a pen, he noticed the few gentle strokes here and there with intricate grooves. Not a single wasted stroke on something as simple yet meaningful as a name.

Once she was done, Atsumu took his gaze off her to stare at the name written on his palm.

‘史桜’

“It’s spelled to read ‘history’ and ‘cherry blossoms.” (Y/N) explains.

He smiles at that, reading at his goddaughter’s name – at the characters in fine writing.

Just like her mother, she was spring born. Compared to her, however, she was born on the cusp of Spring and Summer.

How unfortunate, as Suna was a winter child, (Y/N) was a spring child, and their little one was born late spring summer. A perfect combination of the two.

In that moment, Atsumu had a sort of epiphany:

Of him being in Suna’s spot, of him with (Y/N) to have and to hold, most especially to love. Of him years back, waiting by the altar as Kaoru, him and Osamu walk her down the aisle, her uncle watching tearfully from his wheelchair next to her mom, Mika, and Reiki.

But with a shake of his head, the image is gone, replaced only with the reality he himself created.

No matter how much he wished for the hands of time to grant him a second chance, to go back and make his stupid, younger self realize, to reciprocate her wholeheartedly, readily, it was but wishful thinking.

Looking back to their wedding, feeling his beloved slowly part with him to join her soon-to-be husband, seeing her beautiful face light up, seeing the sparkle in her eyes – seeing her like he’s never seen her before, he just knows how much she loves him.

A love that could have been his, a love she set aside, a brand-new love that could never be his.

A love so raw, a love so pure, a love so incomparable, a love so deserving, a love he once had.

She loves him, so, so, so much.

And for Atsumu? Well, he understood that he’ll always be her best friend, one of the most important men of her life.

Still, lucky he.

Lucky he that he had blessed with her love.

Lucky him that he was fortunate enough to have his chance as her first love.

And that was that.

It was nice to live in the image of ‘what if’s, a plentitude of it. However, that was that – ‘an image’, ‘what if’.

And at the end of the day, there was only one thing that mattered to Miya Atsumu more than anything in the world, more than his life and volleyball.

For as long as he lives, he knows for a fact that she will never completely leave his mind, nor will she completely leave his heart.

She was his first love, after all.

To see his first love, his forever person, Suna (Y/N) happy?

That was all he could ask for.

“Would you like to hold her?”

“Yes, please.”

Not a moment later, he sees Suna walk over at his wife’s waving hand. In his arms was their quiet little girl – truly, a perfect combination of the two. As those (e/c) eyes fell on him, Atsumu felt his eyes get a little misty.

Ever so gently, Suna carefully hands his daughter to him, both he and (Y/N) instructing him about holding her head and back.

(E/c) blinked once, twice, thrice. Curiously taking him in, now that she was in Atsumu’s arms.

Unable to help himself, he feels himself laugh again, lifting his eyes to meet (Y/N)’s, who also shared in his joy, then to Suna’s, who merely smiled, wrapping his arms around his wife.

Pressing his lips against his goddaughter’s forehead, the sweetest little sound bubbled from her – his heart felt light.

“Heya, Shio-chan.”

I’ve got to get it in my head that we should never make wishes so big that they’ll surely amount for nothing but disappointments in the end. That the best thing we can do is settle for what we have and make the most out of it. As our school motto says - ‘We Don’t Need The Memories’.

It’s kind of harsh at first glance, but after our first Inter-High, talking with Kita-san, and the two coaches, it started to make sense.

That being said though, Atsumu, I will never hope for anything amounting to something more than what we have now. I know it’s all I can ever hope for in this lifetime. But just know, that with every moment passed is a moment I’ve held and cherished for as long as you’ll have me.

- Excerpt from letter 7 out of 13

“So, what’s next for Miya Atsumu?” the interviewer asked him, snapping him off his reverie.

Blinking, he met the expectant look of the interviewer before him, the camera was on him, lights were flashing on him bright and blinding.

Atsumu leaned back on his seat and let out a wistful sigh. What was next for him?

Years have passed and a lot has happened to him.

Well, first, there was his nephew, Hideaki – Osamu’s kid, first violin recital, then Shio’s graduation, followed by Sakusa’s big engagement which Atsumu himself planned out (much to the younger lad’s embarrassment), Meian-san’s wife’s second child popping up soon, Suna and (Y/N) were expecting a second child on the way, too, and the next league was starting months from now.

Atsumu was 29 now, he knew that he was destined for greatness, that he would always be hungry for said greatness that he’d have to achieve with his own hands, ready or not for whatever life throws at him.

Retirement was just shy a year waiting for him, but he scoffs for now, knowing he’d still kick it in the bud.

Just because he’s single now, doesn’t mean he will let him hold him back from achieving his own happiness.

Quirking on a smile, he meets the interviewer’s eyes and replies, “A lot.”

Dearest Miya Atsumu,

You are my greatest and first love.

Wow, what an opening, right?

But you at least deserve to know that. Well, I think you already knew that since the incident back in second year. Just know that I am forever regretful of what I failed to do, of manipulating you, and for just being an overall bad friend to you.

However, please know that it is without of great concern for your being. Scratch that, it’s me being manipulative again because of how much you meant to me.

I will always bear the burden of failing to protect your heart, a fragile thing for a time when we’re at our most vulnerable as teenagers.

I don’t think I can ever remember the very first time when I realized I loved you. It could be when we first met the morning I and my family arrived in Kobe, Hyogo, it could be the time you took me by the hand, Osamu trailing behind us, as you toured me around school, it could probably be the time you cowered under my gaze for the first time when I wasn’t amused by you and Osamu’s antics, maybe it was the time you bragged about the quick you and Osamu successfully pulled off, maybe it was the time you practically uprooted and stole a sunflower for me during our class trip – really, it could be any of those times. I don’t think I can ever properly pinpoint the exact moment, but I do know that I’ve been drawn to you since, captivated by your being, and instantly fell for you.

It is so easy to like you, Atsumu. You have your merits and demerits; each can outweigh the other. Loving you is a process, and I had to learn that the hard way.

I know you didn’t mean to hurt me that way, I can never ever find myself to blame you for damaging my self-esteem by using my faults and insecurities against me. But again, we were both at our most vulnerable: we were teenagers.

Forgiving you straightaway? That took me a while. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I could ever forgive you and decided myself to burn our bridges and quietly resign as manager. But apparently, life had different plans for me.

Realizing now, I find that it’s just funny how intense we could feel love and misinterpret it in ways we never thought of. The love I held for you was something on its own entirely. One I’ve held for so long, one I’ve hellbent on keeping a secret, one I’ve longed to offer up, and one I’ve find myself exhausted of keeping. I never thought it would come to this. It is so amazingly dumb how love is something finite and infinite at the same time, probably why scientists can never truly understand it and psychologists think of it as a sort of chemical.

I would like to think that I was the first to hold your heart, but I know that it’s not true. How can I be capable of owning something that was never mine to begin with?

No.

But I would like to think that I was the first person ever to love you so wholeheartedly, endearingly, selfishly and unselfishly.

Now, though? It’s gone now.

And I think it’s for the best.

However, just know, that I have never regretted loving you.

Loving you was a process – a long, hard, difficult process.

Unloving you seemed like a probability that should’ve been considered.

I could never unlove you, Atsumu, for you have been a part of me, my life, and my heart.

A part of me could never fully hate you, a part of me shall always love you. That’s all there is to it.

All the love I’ve had of you has been exhausted and it’s time I let my heart rest from years spending it on you.

I realize now that I was the one you needed, as a friend, but not the one you love.

(L/N) (Y/N)

- (Y/N)’s 13th last letter, hidden from the bottom of the letterbox, sent right after she left for Hiroshima

[galaxythreads]

lore on Five out of Five is an Ideal You Can't Have please!! I love that one soooo much 👉👈

your wish is my command, anon. <3 thanks for the ask.

LORE FOR FIVE OUT OF FIVE:

it was based on this fic

I've tried to do a sensory deprivation fic for Loki more than once. This was the...third? attempt

After watching SPN, writing THor and Loki's relationship was a little easier. Taking the messy dysfunction from SPN and finding areas where it overlaps between the brother pairs was interesting

After taking a break from MCU for the better part of a year, this was the first fic that I wrote and I finished and I felt so accomplished and happy with myself....only for someone to promptly tell me what a terrible job I was doing with the characters on another fic. Made me want to sit in the shame corner, lol. Actually, that's what this venty tumblr post is referring to.

a big portion of this fic was me exploring Thor's relationship with Sif and the Warriors, trying to figure out WHY Thor was chilling with them when he was ignorant to the way they treated his brother. The reason that Thor is so desperate to keep their friendship is because of how severely he and Loki were isolated as children. The fact that anyone would willingly choose to spend time with him outside of their family is utterly baffling to him and something he's desperate to keep

I have absolutely no idea what they killed at the beginning of the fic

I started the fic in Jan of 2021 and then finished it in may 2021 after a run. I very distinctly remember coming back and just wanting to finish something. I think I was about 10 pgs in and just shoved my way through the last bit

I had actually intended for THOR to be the one who was losing his senses when I started this, but it didn't end up that way

"Ranging from books to entire tables and something that Thor suspects is some type of stove" -- this is 1000% a reference to the classic "and even the kitchen sink was there" joke, which I thought was absolutely hilarious

^^^ this is a jab at the Loki series. Most of this is a jab at the Loki series, honestly. Wait. When on earth did I write this--

Oh dear. I was already taking pointed stabs at it and it hadn't even been released yet. Well. That's embarrassing for MCU.

^^^ this was inspired by watching SPN where they would bless cursed objects and that would often fix them.

"Though the cold hadn't bothered him, Sif's continued shivering had made them stop for the night. Loki had pointed her toward his newly made flame without a word." -- this is a reference to The Weeping Siren where they were all making fun of Loki for not being able to light a fire

"Loki's not a witch, but the Norns know he gets the funny feelings of one." -- This is a reference to BBC Merlin fics, where the Knights and Arthur refer to Merlin's magic as his "funny feelings"

^^^ Loki already knew something was wrong right here and didn't say anything because Thor got angry. The effects of the cloth-thing were almost instantaneous.

"There isn't a lot that Loki won't approach if Thor has first and vice versa. Their stupidity often goes hand in hand. And Loki wouldn't even go past the doorway, despite the giant monster that was attacking them. That's…that's probably more than just a funny feeling." -- there is no loki without thor and no thor without loki and that includes them being idiots

---

"His mother has told him endlessly that one of the easiest methods to disperse curses is through fire or some other purifier. Salt sometimes works as well."

^^ i try to make a point in fics to have Thor not be completely ignorant of magic. Look. my sister is really REALLY into rocks and has infected me with knowledge of them despite my best efforts. there is no way Thor hasn't picked up something from listening to Loki rant about it for literal decades.

----

^^^ Loki knew what was happening (mostly) throughout the entire fic. He just wasn't saying anything. From the moment the cloth touched him, Loki couldn't use his magic. He didn't know what to do and he was terrified, but he didn't know how or if he should tell anyone.

---

""You should just speak up," Thor chides patiently, "I'm sure there must be something interesting underneath all of that hair," " -- shameless reference to Dean making fun of Sam's hair for all of SPN.

---

Thor sighs. "Why don't you lay down? I'll get some supplies so we can start bringing down your fever. You should have said something."

A flash of relief and gratitude flickers across his sibling's face, brief, but intense. He wasn't expecting that, Thor realizes. " --- the last time Loki received help for something was..... WHEN??? POINTED LOOK AT HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.

Also this is not me projecting my family issues into this. Nope! (it is. My family issues are everywhere in this)

---

"Thor allows him the moment of weakness, cupping a hand against the back of Loki's neck, trying to reassure him" -- I'm not sure if this is actually true, but I saw on BBC's Sherlock post that you only let people you deeply trust touch the back of your neck. I remember trying to research that as I wrote that line, lol. I never found an answer.

---

^^^ I tried to make a point of showing how differently the Warriors were handling this and Thor. Thor actually addressed the problem and SAW loki, the warriors just ignored him until he annoyed them enough. It's like. The Warriors tolerated Loki and kind of pretend this whole thing wasn't happening. I didn't want them to be complete assholes, but it was a tough balance to write. They mostly ended up being assholes, lol.

---

"Frigga smiles warmly at him, but her eyes are distant and dark. Thor looks, but isn't surprised that he can't see his father anywhere." --- ALSO making a point about how ABSENT Odin is from his children's lives. Frigga is there. Odin is just GONE.

---

"Mindlessly, Thor dumps off his part of the recovered stolen items to the palace's head of artifacts and goes to give his report to his father." --- Loki is in the hospital and he is dying. They know this. Odin is in the throne room. He wasn't busy. Thor talked with him almost instantly. Odin was in the throne room by choice and couldn't be bothered to make an appearance in the healing wing. This wasn't an accident, it was intentional character placement.

----

""If your brother had been killed, you can't imagine the realm-wide mess—" Odin releases a breath, stopping himself, -- I firmly believe that if Loki were to actually die, he would revert to his Jotun form and that would cause the realms-wide mess Odin is talking about.

----

"—a witch created that to kill her enemies quickly and painfully by removing their senses then shutting down organs. I'd only heard rumors that her enchanted objects were still around. She created more than a dozen to send to her enemies." --- I like to imagine this was one of the witches that raised Frigga. That's how she recognized it so quickly.

---

One of the few stories that I didn't end on a happy ending. It's kind of a bittersweet ending and this was intentional. I read this fic where Loki got possessed by like this mirror thing (mirror,mirror by lise, a03), and it ended as a MESS and it was so satisfying. XD

[van-zieksy]

mx. zieksy i cannot recall if you have been asked this question before but its two-fold: a) is bvz a pet names/terms of endearment kind of guy and if so what would he call iris and b) what do you think iris would call bvz (in the style of hurley/runo/susie/ginny)

Hi, anon!

Thanks so much for your ask. I have never been asked this question before, so I definitely appreciate it. And thanks for your patience, but due to my surgery a few days ago, I haven't had the capacity to respond sooner, but I intend to slowly get back to posting more.

A) While I do see Barok as someone who used/would use terms of endearment, he certainly never did, nor would, go overboard with it. He reserves such names for his closest family. As a gentleman and someone who has been raised as an aristocrat with certain expectations (social situations, mannerisms, codes of conduct, etiquette etc.), it would be inappropriate for him to use terms of endearment for anyone other than very close family. It had been deeply ingrained in him from birth that he has to maintain a proper facade at all times. He does have a certain image to uphold. In fact, I do not even think he had special names for Klint, the person he has always been closest to, because Klint was his older brother who was deserving of his respect, and Barok has always been a stickler for rules and etiquette. At most he called him "dear brother" or "beloved brother".

As for Iris, initially he will only call her "Miss Iris" or "Miss Wilson". The latter will definitely hurt him because of her true blood/heritage, but it's the respectable nothing to do, so he will oblige. After they have become aquaintaned and friends, he may want to call her just "Iris", but she has to be the one to initiate it, as it would be unbecoming of a gentleman to make such a bold proposal. Once she knows he is a blood-related family member, he will start calling her "dear Iris", "my beloved Iris", "my dearest Iris" etc., because at that point it becomes acceptable for him - the older parental figure - to assign endearing names to her, but he will definitely ask for her consent. He reserves those terms of endearment for when it is just the two of them. He would never dare to call her anything but "Iris" or "Miss Iris" while in company of other people.

B) Most nicknames Iris has come up with are based on people's first names (Susato- Susie, Ryunosuke - Runo, Gina - Ginny, Herlock- Hurley), so she would certainly find a nickname based on the name "Barok" once they have become closer aquantainces. What always stood out to me is that Iris has been drawn to Barok from the moment they first truly interacted (she blushed when he spoke to her and when he thanked her; she prepared a birthday gift for him etc.). She was never afraid of him unlike other people, yet she also showed respect for him in typical Iris fashion (as a child + having grown up around Herlock, she doesn't know enough yet about what it means to respect other people's boundaries, so that scene in Barok's office was nothing that happened out of disrespect btw). The way she showed respect was by referring to him as "Mr. Reaper" and such, which to her was like a title. While definitely not nice and shouldn't be acceptable, she didn't think anything of it because Herlock and others did the same. She could have easily ditched the formal title for something else, as she didn't hesitate to come up with alternate names for Ryunosuke and Susato during their first meeting. She even referred to Gregson as "Gregsy", despite the fact that he was an older gentleman and a police official. Yet, as one can see, at least the nickname is based on his last name. It was her way of showing Barok that she had a healthy dose of respect for him as an adult, as a professional and as a person. Of course she respects her friends, but it is a different type of respect, which was earned rather than given intrinsically of her own freewill.

So what will Iris call Barok? Initially she will still be with him on a last name basis, so "Mr. van Zieks" or "Lord van Zieks" are her preferred choices. It will be hard for her to abandon the "Mr. Reaper" name, but she knows it is inappropriate, so she will make an active effort to stop using it (my HC is that she will also get Herlock to stop using that name). She won't come up with a cute nickname until they are friends. Further down the road, he will offer her to just call him "Barok". But Iris being Iris, she will definitely come up with a different name. It seems "Barry" is a name quite a few fans have come up with, and I certainly think it would be an appropriate name. Other names I could imagine she may use (based on the pronunciation of his name being "baroque" - "bah-roke"): Baroky or Roky. Disregarding the English pronunciation of his name (and instead taking inspiration from the German pronunciation of his name "bah-rock"), she may also come up with "Rocky", which I think would be cute and fitting. He is huge, has a hard shell, is multi-layered, is like a rock that can withstand the forces of nature (a strong person who still stands despite all the pain he had to endure), and is someone you can rely on, but he easily crumbles to pieces when his beloved Iris comes into play (that girl knows how to break his hard exterior and soften him up). So "Rocky" would be my preferred choice.

Thanks again!

[thefanficmonster]

Beyond Death

Alcina Dimitrescu x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Death, Loss, Grief, Spoilers for RE8:Village, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst

Summary: After fighting triumph over Lady Dimitrescu in her dragon/monster form, Ethan thinks he’ll have to face one last threat before leaving the castle but said threat happens to be nothing but a hollow ghost carrying a broken heart.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your wonderful and extremely heartbreaking request! So sorry that it’s taken me so long to write and post it but I still hope you’ll come across it and give it a read. If so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

It’s over. It’s finally fucking over.

Ethan Winters lets out a heavy but shaky sigh of relief that practically deflates him as though he had been holding it in - was holding it in during the entire duel against Lady Dimitrescu who is now nothing my an ashy corpse on the floor, leaving behind only a crystal sculpture to her name - the nine foot tall vampire lady that reigned over the village with a reputation stronger than the village’s actual ruler - Mother Miranda.

And now her and her daughters remain a memory - quite an unpleasant one - for the villagers, leaving one less Lord for them to fear yet remaining a figure they cower in fear just by thinking about her.

Pushing past the cloud of confusion, relief and disbelief, a soft sound that appears to be footsteps approaching reaches Ethan’s brain, kicking his heartbeat up and forcing him back into a fight-or-flight mindset. Of course he’s gonna choose fight, of course this fool is gonna see this all till the end.

But what if it’s not a fight the person approaching wants?

What if all they want is to have made it there a few minutes earlier?

What if they are no threat now and they never have been? What if that’s why the Dimitrescus kept them safe in the hidden chambers and quarters of their castle, places not even Alcina’s dear Miranda knew nothing about.

Y/N L/N Dimitrescu, Alcina’s one true love.

They were a neighbor of Alcina’s prior to the experimentation process. The two got along nicely - well, more than nicely. Pleasantly enough for Alcina to develop feelings for them along the way. Feelings that the pain and suffering of the experiments never managed to wipe away, ones that still resided with Alica even years later and only flared up stronger when Y/N recognized her on one of their ventures into the outskirts, near the Dimitrescu Castle.

“Alcina?“ They had said, their wide and confused eyes meeting the vampire’s terrified ones.

The typically fearless Lady Dimitrescu found herself at a loss of words, her throat dry, her stomach aching and her chest tight at the sight of the one last connection she has to humanity - her feelings for Y/N. But she was left on the fence, suffocated by the suspense of how Y/N would continue onward with the interaction. How they’d react to her drastic change? How they’d address her?

“Y/N...“ Their name was barely a shaky whisper on the tall woman’s lips, trembling hands clenched in tight fists to prevent from letting her emotions show.

“I missed you.“

That was what hit Alcina the strongest. That one single sentence had her assuming her true form - a pile of shard of the past, present and the many possible futures ahead. A pile of shards glued together with a weak glue threatening to give at any moment, collapsing the tough, graceful and untouchable façade of Alcina Dimitrescu. That’s how the woman knew she still had something human in her. Or rather with her as long as she had Y/N.

And so she kept them like a precious pearl in the palm of her hand and they never once neglected showing their gratitude for all she did for them. They never once hesitated to show their love and appreciation in return to all they received from her. But, the most important gift Alcina was keen on giving was the presence of her true self around Y/N. She never bothered with an act around them. Never lied, never put on a show. She was more human than ever around them. She was fragile, vulnerable, honest and bare before them. And they never made her feel any less than the feverous Lord she was despite her human side.

“It only makes you stronger.“ Y/N would say, referring to Alcina’s human side, “As a human myself, I can confirm we humans aren’t that bad and incompetent. Not all of us, at least. I remember you aren’t, that’s for sure.“

“Who are you?!“ Gun pointed at the pale figure moving barefoot across the room to crouch down next to the ashy corpse of Alcina Dimtrescu, Ethan can feel his blood starting to boil again. It’s not real fear but it’s most definitely a feeling of hostility fueled by massive adrenaline that seems to have taken complete control of him and has him in a death grip, leading him to do and say crap he normally wouldn’t. This behavior of his would be enough to get even Chris Redfield to take a step back but this person doesn’t seem to even acknowledge his presence let alone be intimidated by him.

Focusing their complete attention on the mess of crystals before them, they gently run their fingertips over the creature’s wing but sadly even their light touch manages to crumble a small bit of ash from it, the dust falling to the floor along with Y/N’s heart.

“Hey, answer me! Who the hell are you?! What are you doing here? Are you...are you like them? One of them?“ His voice becomes more and more uncertain, decreasing from an angry shout to a shaky whisper.

“You killed her. You took her from me.“ Is the response he eventually gets, spoken by a monotone flat voice that doesn’t go with Y/N’s appearance at all. Their eyes remain fixated on the tiny spot on the wing they touched seconds ago as if their gaze will bring it back to live.

Bring her back to them.

That on its own is enough to get Ethan to keep his mouth shut, gaining a vague idea of what’s going on here and who this person might be. What the deceased means to them. In his eyes, she was nothing but a monster, but in theirs, it’s obvious she was a lot more.

And so, when he approaches them and and tries to communicate with them one last time, he says and does the only thing he sees as even moderately right in this situation: he sets the crystal remains of Alcins Dimitrescu by their side. “Have this, I believe she’d want you to. It’s all that’s left of her that you can keep.“ He knows their face is emotionless and still but something about that stillness is the exact reason why he doesn’t want to look at them while he says those words. He can’t find it in himself to apologize, not that an apology would help him much in this situation anyway, so all he can attempt is pointless. All that matters to them is gone - that’s the price of him gaining a stronger chance at getting his daughter back before it’s too late. 

And just like that, without another word, the blonde man walks out of the castle, leaving the broken heart and soul that used to be a complete human being behind him. A complete human being in love with someone extraordinary. Their love for her knew no bounds, and not even death as they sit there by their lover’s remains, refusing to leave their side even when they are not both present in this world.

A lover’s true love and devotion is shown when tested - unfortunately, Y/N and Alcina’s love was faced with the ultimate test: death. And it hasn’t faltered, nor will it ever as it seems.

[witchcraft-of-obsession]

Hi. I loved your blog so much! And I was wondering if you could make the Yandere alphabet for vincent sinclair> <

English is not my language :(

So ignore some wrong word.. <3

Vincent Sinclair; Yandere Alphabet

House of Wax

Warnings; Yandere Behavior, Murder, Kidnapping, Non-con touching, Mentions of Wax kink, Wax torture, Stockholm syndrome

Notes; Anon, I'm so glad that you like my blog, and I find that your English here is perfect.<3 Omg I forgot to post this four days ago!

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Vincent shows his love and affection through his art piece and, at times giving his darling small touches as a sign of his love. On the intensity scale, Vincent has to be a 4; Vincent is a solid four because he's a bit clingy towards his darling yet also tends to be distant at the same time.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Vincent is willing to get messy for his darling. He isn't afraid to kill people who seem like a threat to him and his darling; he already kills for art and, he doesn't mind killing for his darling.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Vincent holds his darling near and dear to his heart and treats them as one of his masterpieces; he would never really consider mocking his darling since it's not a thing he does.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Believe it or not, but Vincent would do some things against his darling's will like; at times forcing them to help him with his wax figures, forcing them to pose and become his muse for his art pieces, and non-con touches from him at times.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Vincent bares some of his heart and doesn't really become vulnerable to his darling. With baring his heart, it's a bit of a slow process, but nevertheless, he is much more willing to expose his heart and vulnerability to his darling than Bo.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Vincent is like most slashers that don't like having his darling fight back at him. It makes him feel like his process with his darling when out the door.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No way is this a game to Vincent; he finds it hard to even think that his 'relationship' with his darling to be considered a game. Vincent also doesn't like any escape attempts from his darling one bit.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The worst experience that Vincent's darling has experienced has to be either when they were kidnapped; or when they have to pose for Vincent as a reference for an art piece and, he becomes a bit forceful.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Vincent doesn't really have something in mind for the future for his darling and him; though, if he a to think of one, it would be simply the same situation just with his darling much more willing and submissive, similar to Stockholm syndrome.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Vincent certainly does get jealous from time to time, though it's just not as intense as his twin; it stems from him seeing his darling with others like in pre-abduction, being used as bait, and being with his brothers. How Vincent copes with can either be from harshly murdering his victims to isolating himself with his art.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

How Vincent acts towards his darling is a bit like a curious cat as if his darling is something unknown; though, other than that, Vincent acts almost like his normal self besides act a bit clingy.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Vincent can approach his darling in either two ways; one is slowly hinting and revealing himself to his darling while there in the wax museum, two is hunting and eventually dragging his darling to his waxworks.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Vincent's true colors aren't that drastic from the way he treats his brothers. He acts the same most of the time but tends to be more cautious and jealous when his darling is around Bo.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Vincent would use his favorite media and kink to punish his darling, wax. he prefers wax not just because it's around him, but because he feels it's a bit more special than using Bo's mentioned. How Vincent would go punishing his darling with wax is by him restraining his darling while pouring scorching hot wax onto their body; don't worry, at the end of it, Vincent will tend to all the spots he poured wax to and try his best to soothe your pain. Secretly, Vincent enjoys this method of punishment.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Vincent isn't much of a right's taker like his brother Bo; all he really expects is his darling to respect him and stay by his side.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Vincent is quite patient with his darling though he does have a limit.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If Vincent's darling did leave or escaped him, he would go through 3 stages; worry, anger, and despair. He would try to find them with the help of his brother, though when he can't find them, panic will settle in; after that, anger will come out then, despair will reveal itself. Vincent will get over the escape of his darling, though it did change him a bit for the worst; he also couldn't move on from his darling in fear of having the same thing happen again.

If his darling died, Vincent would honestly be in shock at first and become extremely miserable. Not only would he be devastated about his darling's death, but he would also have to make the choice of making them into a wax figure or dispose of them. He would lose his motivation to wax at times because of their death. Vincent would come to terms with the death of his darling but never truly be able to move on from them.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

It's a mixed feeling for Vincent for feeling guilty about kidnapping his darling; on one side, he doesn't care and thinks he's done nothing wrong to darling, while on the other knows that his darling wants to go home and what he's done is bad; though, if Stockholm syndrome hit his darling, the small guilty that he felt before is gone. At times Vincent wants to be selfish and, keeping his darling is one of them; he doesn't want to let his muse go after all the times he's been with them.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

What brings this side of Vincent out is seeing his art being admired for once. He's seen many people find his art creepy, weird, and disturb his art, so seen someone admiring it surprised him; from there, the stalking and hunting have begun.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Vincent feels a bit horrible for all three; when his darling is scream/crying, he tries to comfort them the best he can, and when they start to isolate themselves, he sits with them for a while and pets them, hoping they would stop isolating themselves.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

What separates Vincent from the normal yandere is that he could share his darling with his brother, though

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

It tends to be much more difficult to exploit Vincent to escape than Bo simply because Vincent spends much more time with his darling. Vincent's darling would have to take chances with escaping when Vincent and Bo are out hunting victims.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Vincent can be a bit forceful with his darling though he would never truly intend to hurt them.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Vincent prefers to worship his darling but doesn't mind being worshipped back. Vincent would also try his best to win his darling over, though he would go as far as other slashers would.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Vincent seeks out his darling after seeing them similar to Bo.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Vincent could break his darling though he prefers not to since he fears losing the spark that his darling had inside them that attracted him.

[hunxi-after-hours]

hunxi my friend hunxi DYING to know what you thought of 《无双》 and the way it elevated what 《千秋》 thought of women who ran rampant in the jianghu. it is so very dear to my heart. also do you think that they'll live past yang guang's reign are they pigheaded enough 😂😞🤔

ANON and here I thought no one noticed my sneaky updates to my to-read list/currently-reading post but you caught me, I might've read 《无双》 over the past few weeks, I just haven't gotten around to uploading a few Choice Quotes from my phone yet

but YES, let's talk about who runs the world jianghu in 《无双》!

I think one thing that really struck me reading 《无双》 was that only five years had gone by since the events of 《千秋》, but all under heaven has changed so much. I mean, obviously there's the new Sui Dynasty in power but like... the shape of the jianghu has shifted and I don't recognize anyone in it anymore. okay fine I'll admit it, I miss 《千秋》 a lot okay

I think the exponential increase in female characters in 《无双》 is, wildly, directly caused by 《千秋》 itself, and I'm not just referring to the fact that Bai Rong was a hit with the readers (to the point where many readers were shipping qiaorong rather than yanshen and Meng Xishi was like "thank you all for your support for Bai Rong, however this is a danmei novel, so don't get too attached to that ship" for which I will never stop laughing, have you ever seen the central ship in a novel get upstaged by a het ship take that sao lao Yan—), but also to the fact that, well, the events of 《千秋》 resulted in a lot of toxic men getting wiped out of the jianghu, and I'm sure Bai Rong's ensuing leadership of Hehuan Zong can only carve out a better place for women in the jianghu regardless of their origins or cultivation paths

but I also think the shift in the setting from 《千秋》 to 《无双》, from jianghu to courtly politics, is also quite significant — "behind every powerful man is an even more powerful woman" suddenly becomes very applicable here because there are now more families involved with the central thread of the plot, particularly royal ones. and so we have ambassadorial figures like Jin Lian, conspiratorial figures like Bing Xian and Qin Miaoyu, and the (gestures frantically) everything of the women of the Yang/Yuwen family, which got messy rip ladies Yuwen

if the archetypal figure of the jianghu is 云游侠客, the wandering xia hero, free of obligation or family ties or roots in a singular place, then the archetypal figure of courtly politics may well be the scheming of spymasters and strategists, and there's nothing to say that the person hiding their knowing smile behind a demure sip of tea can only be of one gender or another, and so we see the emergence of so many more lovingly crafted female characters in 《无双》, particularly well-connected ones who grow up with an awareness and a deftness for leaning on their relationships, just so, to effect the change that will further their personal agendas in these opening years of a new dynasty

ALSO. also. can we talk about the fact that Meng Xishi strongly implied trans Qiao Xian because I swear my jaw dropped when I read that. the exchange between her and Zhangsun Puti... iconic:

(paraphrased for comedic effect and because I can't be bothered to look it up asdlkafjs) Zhangsun Puti: wait, are you male or female? Qiao Xian: (side-eyes him) aren't you a Buddhist monk? Shouldn't you understand that gender is but a manifestation of the material illusions of the profane world, and doesn't actually matter in the eyes of the Buddha? Zhangsun Puti: damn, you right, forget I asked

anyway. (gestures) love everything going on with her, yes I do realize she does at some point betray Cui Buqu, no that does not reduce my love one bit