#you do you if you want

[bjurnberg]

Guess which oblivious asexual virgin just accidentally bought her first vibrator?

This guy. *points both thumbs at my beet red face*

I got my tax return and wanted to buy a couple things for personal comfort before all the money goes into car repairs. Specifically I’ve wanted one of those hang-over-your-chair back massage things for my computer chair, and figured I could also find a cheap handheld massage gun to get rid of those stress knots that live rent free in my shoulder blades when I’m away from my desk.

So what do I do? I do an internet search for “handheld massage gun” and read through a dozen products and reviews. And APPARENTLY my mind is so far removed from sexual thoughts that nothing pinged on the mental radar that this was anything besides a massage gun to relieve muscle stress. (There were several very obvious vibrators and dildos that popped up in the search that I ignored and filtered out of the search, but the one I bought was this)

Product title: Handheld massager.

Product description: “Rechargeable personal hand held deep tissue vibrating massager for muscles, back, foot, neck. Cordless electric percussion body massage gift for women.”

IT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT THIS BEING A SEX TOY. IT SAYS BACK FOOT AND NECK. NOTHING ABOUT GENITALS AND ORGASMS. I truly thought the “for women” was because the handle was pink. Figured I’d be paying the pink tax because it’s a cute color and I like cute things.

But soon as I open the brown box it got mailed in, I see this on the actual product packaging:

And the truth hits me like a cement truck.

What the fuck. I don’t wanna fuck. Why did they send me this fuck machine? Well fuck me I guess (but don’t really) because I must have been shipped the wrong thing and now have to return this and file a complaint to get the thing I wanted.

But no. The product number is the same. This is what I paid for.

Do allosexual people use their vibrators as massage guns for other parts of their body? I’ve never heard of that. But I also don’t follow conversations about sex toys. Because I don’t care and it kinda squicks me. Why wouldn’t the product description be clear about what this is? Why trick this poor asexual by claiming it’s a handheld back massager? (I mean, I guess technically it can be used on any part of the body I wish, but why? Why? Why market it this way?)

I have “Ace Until Proven Guilty” in my bio as a joke because too many people equate asexuality with innocence and infantilize us regardless of whether we’re sex-positive, -negative, or -neutral. I’m all for people using any sex toy they want but it’s not my thing so WHY WOULDN’T THEY STATE WHAT IT IS IN THE SALES PITCH instead of misleading me, a person who hasn’t seen a large variety of vibrators and wouldn’t recognize one on sight?

Guess I’ve been Proven Ace once again.

(It’s okay to laugh at me. This is kinda funny. If annoying.)

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[cadaverkeys]

You guys rlly don't realise how much knowledge is still not committed to the internet. I find books all the time with stuff that is impossible to find through a search engine- most people do not put their magnum opus research online for free and the more niche a skill is the less likely you are to have people who will leak those books online. (Nevermind all the books written prior to the internet that have knowledge that is not considered "relevant" enough to digitise).

Whenever people say that we r growing up with all the world's knowledge at our fingertips...it's not necessarily true. Is the amount of knowledge online potentially infinite? Yes. Is it all knowledge? No. You will be surprised at the niche things you can discover at a local archive or library.

[theblob1958]

people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.

[more-raging-heart-than-grace]

you want what

[greelin]

saying something you know will make people laugh. And they do laugh.

[kookykinz]

the youtube "stop drawing like this" community doesn't want you to know this but you can shade however you want forever btw. it doesn't have to make sense in fact you should actively be pissing people off with how inaccurate your light source is

[epicsauce]

learning that self deprecation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.

[ibtisams]

My father was martyred by Israel on 10 October 2023 after sacrificing his care in hospital so the injured children could take priority. Today would have been his 60th birthday. He was always selfless, kind, and giving for others. My father gave up everything for me to be able to have a better life, because that is what he always dreamed for me and my sister. The world suffered a great loss when he died, and my heart is always with him and every Palestinian who has lost someone.

In his honour and memory, I would love for anyone who is able to do so to consider donating to The Palestine Children’s Relief Fund.

The PCRF is an amazing organisation that does so much for those in Gaza right now, including helping provide food, water and medicine. You can donate any amount you are able to- there is no minimum! My father would have given his very last cent if he saw the way Palestine was continuing to suffer after over 100 days with this limited aid, so I know celebrating him by helping others is the least he would have wanted.

I saw @parrot-parent do a very successful donation match and I thought it was such a good idea so I will also match all donations up to $500! If you feel comfortable sending me proof of the amount of your donation, I will match it as a donation at the end of February. (My messages are set to mutuals only, but if you donate and we aren’t mutuals if you send an ask with the proof I will make sure to answer it privately.)

[throesofincreasingwonder]

"A story doesn't need a theme in order to be good" I'm only saying this once but a theme isn't some secret coded message an author weaves into a piece so that your English teacher can talk about Death or Family. A theme is a summary of an idea in the work. If the story is "Susan went grocery shopping and saw a weird bird" then it might have themes like 'birds don't belong in grocery stores' or 'nature is interesting and worth paying attention to' or 'small things can be worth hearing about.' Those could be the themes of the work. It doesn't matter if the author intended them or not, because reading is collaborative and the text gets its meaning from the reader (this is what "death of the author" means).

Every work has themes in it, and not just the ones your teachers made you read in high school. Stories that are bad or clearly not intended to have deep messages still have themes. It is inherent in being a story. All stories have themes, even if those themes are shallow, because stories are sentences connected together for the purpose of expressing ideas, and ideas are all that themes are.

[crashstanding]

Reblog to give the person you reblogged from the ability to finish their WIPs

[song-of-the-rune]

y'all are absolutely free to use tumblr however you please but I want redditors to know that they could, hypothetically, start a sideblog about a particular topic, add moderators to it, turn on submissions (and asks), make an "about" page laying out rules and such, and create a good tagging system. If you want it to be a bit more familiar.

[brightlotusmoon]

[palipunk]

Everytime I see news about Eurovision my eye twitches because every year Palestinians said stop watching this and the response was “how dare you take away my emotional support pinkwashing show”

[lgbtlunaverse]

Obsessed with characters who portray themselves as worse than they are. Who are lying to everyone including themselves about it. People generally assume if someone's lying about themselves they're trying to look better but sometimes they're trying to look worse. They attribute agency to where they had none, add intend to accidents, try to convince everyone that this is something they did instead of something that happened to them.

[arsenicpanda]

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S (2023)