#you just feel it so much More when imogen says stuff like this

[pocketgalaxies]

Why are you wearing white? It is a very str – I didn’t want to s...

[rucksackmentality]

List of the truths shared in Nana Morri's Honesty trial (C3E79):

Imogen: I am genuinely scared to meet my mom again.

Laudna: Deep down inside, both Delilah and I want the shard...Fearne should have it, but I don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings, or hers.

Imogen: I love Laudna deeply but I'm disgusted at the thought of Delilah looking at us all the time.

Orym: I'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. It doesn’t matter if I'm bunking with one of you guys.

FCG: Sometimes I pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don’t do enough with them...Chetney, you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything other than wood! There's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood!

Orym: I've always kind of laughed it off but I guess I do kind of wonder if Chetney is my dad.

Ashton: I am the reason that the Jiana Hexum robbery went fucking wrong, and the reason why I got thrown out of a fucking window.

Fearne: I feel like we’re very ill-equipped for this job and we're going to fail at saving the world. (Laudna: Honestly that's probably true, I'm right there with you.)

Chetney: While wood may be the superior material to metal, I do fear that, with the dwindling interest in it, that children will find my toys - and thereby myself - obsolete every year I grow older.

FCG: I think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time I hurt or kill something - it feels really good. It makes me sort of relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away.

Imogen: I know we're supposed to save the gods, but I've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them would ever respond. I think I'm tainted. I dont know if I want to save gods that don't love me.

Laudna: You know we could rip-cord out of [saving the world] at any moment...right? And sometimes I fantasize about it all the time.

Fearne: I sometimes do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping - not weird stuff, I just like to look at you closely...and maybe like, twiddle your hair or braid it. Nothing bad!

Ashton: Whenever it starts to get quiet, I start worrying that one of us - most of us - are going to end up killing another one of us accidentally...I have panicked thinking about when one you kills another one of us.

Orym: I have all the faith in the world in you guys...and I have also spent time thinking of how to neutralize each of you.

FCG: I kinda worry that I put all my eggs in the Changebringer basket and she might betray us all. I had a really weird conversation with her and I think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me - but what if she does? And I'm saying horrible things?

Imogen: Fearne, I was really disappointed in you for running away from your power. You should take the shard!

Orym: I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't.

Ashton: I feel fucking worse that I just fucked up Fearne's life way more than mine and I should've died instead of that happening.

Chetney: I grew up in the Bramblewood outside of Westruun, and when I was a kid, I came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. All they left behind were toys. They ran when Errevon the Rimelord was running across the plains, and so I'm kind of afraid of dragons. And I had five siblings - Alabaster, Pepper, Sugarplum, Hermey, and Chad - and I was so mad that they left I never looked for any of them, and now I'm pretty sure they're dead. So I think any family I have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me. That's why I don't get attached to anybody.

[socallmedaisy]

Laudna has been quiet since they were shown to guest rooms in the Castle for the night. Imogen recognises the silence; it usually means Laudna is lost in her own thoughts, or maybe today it's memories of this place, only now she has no way of knowing exactly what Laudna is thinking about. 

She's glad of that, truly, but there are times like this when she misses it, just a little. 

They're sharing a bed like they always do, Imogen curled into Laudna, Laudna bent towards her like a flower reaching for the light, their hands joined loosely between them, the tips of Laudna's fingers caught up in Imogen's. Fearne is breathing deep and steady in the other bed—none of them had said anything, but when the guards had shown them to two guest rooms, the three of them had walked purposefully into one of them and shut the door behind them before anyone else could follow—and Imogen inches her head forward, squeezes Laudna's fingers until Laudna's eyes flicker open to look at her. 

(It's the biggest tell she's not really asleep; when she is, her eyes are open.)

Imogen glances towards Fearne's bed, then taps a finger against her own temple and arches an eyebrow in a question, and waits for Laudna to nod her consent before she joins their minds together. 

Are you alright? Imogen tries to keep her thoughts gentle, like maybe Laudna will startle. She bites her lip and then asks the second part of her question, the one that's been rolling around in the pit of her stomach since they were getting ready for bed in silence. Since she was mean to a man who had done nothing other than share his name with a boy Laudna used to know. Did I do something? 

What? Laudna's thought comes back at once, not quite as gentle. No, I—

Imogen forces herself to wait, watches Laudna shake her head imperceptibly against the pillow. 

Laudna frowns. It's just this place. And—

And what? Imogen asks, anxiety twisting in her chest, when no more words come. 

I don't like being here. But I don't think I hate it. And I certainly don't hate the de Rolos. But she does. And sometimes I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling about this place is me and how much of it is… not me. Laudna meets her eyes again, unblinking and then looks away quickly, like she's ashamed. Imogen hates it, instantly. 

It must be hard to come back to the place where— Imogen swallows, To come back here, after everything that happened. I don't think you have to have your feelings all neatly sorted out. I'm not sure anyone could given the circumstances. 

She swallows the urge to say she's not sure how she feels about this place either, how last time she was here and Laudna wasn't and it was one of the worst times of her life. 

Laudna doesn't say anything, but she does tighten her grip on Imogen's fingers, and after a second she dips her head forward so she can press her mouth against the tips of them. It makes Imogen shiver. 

I thought that's what we could do later, Laudna says eventually, and for a second Imogen is so focused on Laudna kissing her fingers she thinks Laudna means something else entirely. Go to try to find the good parts of Whitestone, if I can remember any. I thought it might help. She shifts on the bed, her knees bumping up against Imogen's. 

Finally, Laudna glances up at her, through her lashes. Imogen releases a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. 

But then after what happened with Andrew I'm not sure I should let you loose on anyone else I remember or who might remember me. There's a spark in Laudna's eye when she says it, her sing song lilt back in Imogen's head, and Imogen huffs out a breath, embarrassed. 

Can you blame me for defending you? If I ever meet that kid—

Darling, Laudna cuts in, leaning forward quickly, you realise you don't have to make up for every bad thing that ever happened to me? I already have you. That's enough. 

Imogen swallows, hard, and tangles her fingers more tightly with Laudna's. I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that when we're sharing a room. She wonders if her thought might have sounded breathless in Laudna's head. She hopes it did, hopes Laudna knows exactly how it makes Imogen feel when she says things like that. 

Laudna's eyes flick over towards the other bed again. Fearne can't hear us—

I know, but it makes me want to kiss you so bad. 

For half a second, she can't believe she said it, but then Imogen watches Laudna's pale cheeks grow a shade darker and she's glad she did. 

Oh, Laudna thinks. She shifts again, and it brings her even closer, her lips inches from Imogen's. Imogen watches Laudna's eyes flick down then back up to meet Imogen's gaze.  Maybe just once couldn't hurt. 

Imogen silences the voice that says it's a bad idea and darts forward to close the space between them at once, her fingers nudging Laudna's chin up to meet her. She presses her lips to Laudna's softly, almost afraid to move, but not wanting it to end, her forehead coming to rest against Laudna's before she breaks the contact. 

They stay there, savouring the closeness. 

I'm glad you're here, Laudna says in her head, and the thought is soft like a secret. Always, but especially today. 

Imogen presses her forehead a little closer and nods against Laudna's cold skin. I'm glad you're here too. 

[inconmess]

I've been building up this post for quite a while so I think everything in this post is kinda out of order and looks like a bit of a big word vomit... So sorry in advance. Also since it is kinda longer than I realise, I am putting it under the cut. And I am open to any discussion.

(Personally think I may have gotten a few things wrong and if so, please correct me?)

I think the thing about Orym and grief is... A part of him has never let himself grieve his loss properly. He has accepted that they are dead and will never come back, yes. He makes it a point to live up to them everyday, yes. But acceptance is not the same as grief, it is a part of it but not the same.

And this was an interesting discussion I was having with my friends and I feel that it strikes so true here, is the fact that you remember the worst moments of your life more vividly than the happiest moments because in your happy moments, you don't question what happened to you as much as you question your worst moments in life.

And Orym has lived with that question for six years. Now, the same could be said to Ashton and Imogen and Fearne and the rest of the Bells Hells really but as pointed out in this post by @caeslxys. (a really good pot btw) Even though the others have had their questions as to why a particular bad incident happened, Orym has had the shortest time to actually cope with it while for the others, it has been years at this point and maybe they have sort of come to peace with most of their shit before it came back to hit them in their face. And for some, it just hit them recently.

And for Orym the question of "Why?" resurfaces again and again the more he seeks out answers and when he does get the answer... I don't think anyone would really love to learn that the two most important people in their lives were dead because "it was just collateral damage. They didn't really have to die but they did." Not when you were having a happy, peaceful life. They signed up for this, yes. But it is also not fair to have your whole life cut short just because a big shot wants to test a theory.

And I am not trying to say that Orym bringing up his losses every time they have a discussion about the Vanguard is right or wrong because he has every right to and may be wrong at the same time because he is biased. Because at this point, he is very biased.

Apart from what I mentioned above, Orym watched Otohan kill his husband and father. He fought Otohan again and this time lost his life, Fearne and Laudna. He fights Otohan again and nearly loses Keyleth. Fights Otohan again a fourth time and knows that there would've been more losses if FCG hadn't sacrificed themselves. Not to forget Otohan killing Eshteross, something I think Orym internally blames himself for because she read his mind for the information. And even if Otohan is now dead, the loss stays.

I also think that seeing Will when he died had more of a personal impact than he realised because I know while seeing the dead person can sometimes bring some comfort, at the same time, when you are trying to live up to them, trying to answer questions that are just beyond you when you really haven't had the chance to completely grieve and accept, the grief possibly just hits you more.

SO while the Hells have had their personal losses with the Vanguard and Otohan, I think Orym has had the longest beef with the group among them all. He didn't know about the Vanguard 6 years ago, yes. He discovered their name along with the rest of the Hells. But loss wise, Orym was the first of the lot to suffer due to the Vanguard.

This is not me trying to put an exact scale or measurement of the loss cuz it is intangible and stuff. But he's been dealing with it for 6 years. Maybe not for harbouring revenge, but the resentment hasn't completely gone but rather festered the more he seeked answers. So he is going to be extra jaded.

But not to forget the fact that up until Bordor, he did try to see the Vanguard's point too, still kinda does (the locket he took from a Vanguard member as a reminder) but I think by the time of Bordor's betrayal, he's had too many losses with the Vanguard to actually care of their point of view because all he's seen of their group is innocent people getting killed or almost killed for no reason at all.

Bordor's beef as a person from the Vanguard had been against Laudna, Orym and Ashton but he still nearly killed Prism and would've probably marked it off as collateral if she'd died. Dropping off the locket with Bordor doesn't mean that he left all his empathy but at the same time, like he mentions, they are at war. And war doesn't really discriminate amongst people. It just takes.

Like he said to Imogen, I think he still tries to believe the Vanguard can have some people who are good and not all of them are evil but all he's know from the Vanguard at this point is loss and Liliana's blind faith towards Ludinus or Predathos doesn't help.

So back to the recent episode.

Do I think that it is wrong for Orym to bring up to Liliana about his dead family as an answer to her response. No. Do I think it was a wrong time to bring it up? Maybe. Because Liliana was not being confrontational but Orym was turning confrontational the more the discussion happened.

But the thing about Orym saying it to her face is that... It is one thing to know that there have been deaths and even if Liliana didn't directly cause it, she was a part of the group that did and brush it off as collateral damage. And no one does a census or survey post the "collateral damage" on how it affects the other person because now, they have what they want to there is no use to go back there.

And Orym is kinda like that mirror which is like... "SO you had a loss because of the gods and now are going around leaving collateral damage you want to fix stuff? Guess what? Your collateral damage was my life that you just uprooted just like the gods/god people did yours, so are you really any different from the people you hate and the change you want to bring about?" (which is kinda the parallel between Orym and Bordor I find really interesting because this is a cycle that is never ending at the end of the day)

And did Orym need that outlet? Hells yeah. GIVE THAT MAN A HUG!

[utilitycaster]

Could you elaborate on that Orym-grief post? I find it interesting and I love ur character meta

Sure! The main thesis, is, well, the post: Orym has a healthy attitude towards his own grief and deals with it well, but isn't good at handling how the party feels. And, secondary to that, the fandom tends to flip this around in their perception of Orym.

Orym is very aware he is grieving and that this will be a life-long thing. He misses Will and Derrig very much and their absence is a hole in his life. He also has built a life around it. It's a process, certainly, but a process he trusts. He allows himself to feel his feelings (the gravesite sequence in Zephrah), but he also very much wants to live out his life (the feeling of failure when he died, his general enjoyment of things). He's a relatively subdued and quiet person, but he clearly finds a lot of joy in life.

The thing about grief is that it's a unique sort of pain, because there's really nothing to be done about it, and it is, typically, something that will always be there. The process is to find a way to live with that absence and make space for it while also making space for new things. It's an important lesson! It's also not how you should deal with other problems, because it's not really solution focused (or rather, the solution is "it is what it is, and it really hurts, and eventually, time will make it hurt somewhat less though it will flare up in specific situations.") For more on this: Caduceus covers very similar territory; his understanding of grief is incredibly strong, and his understanding of other problems often falters.

With grief, the answer for the living is ultimately "keep going," and that's the thing with Orym: he sure does keep going. But I think it leads him to push past things without stopping to unpack and solve them, because in his case (a guy with a great mother, a happy upbringing, a career he enjoyed, and a loving marriage, who then experienced a devastating loss) the answer really was "yeah, it really hurts that my husband and his father, who was essentially the only father figure I had, were senselessly murdered in an attack on my home. But let's put one foot in front of the other."

However, this is not actually great advice for much of Bells Hells. Several of them genuinely have conditions that lead to a complete loss of control and self that could harm or kill others, and they are at varying levels of dealing with it, potential to the peril of others. Orym notes that Fearne's impulses might put the party at risk, but he never does anything to address it other than say "hey, we need to work together." He even skirts around it himself! I think it's valid for him to approach Fearne to have a backup plan about Imogen potentially joining the Vanguard, but he says his piece and then goes and does that in private instead of fully hashing out why she'd say this in front of the people who were murdered by them, which means the root causes are never addressed. A lot of this party needs to be told both "hey, your feelings here are really valid and you should express your anger" and "hey, get your fucking shit together once you've done that." Orym tends to treat them either like they're grieving (a gentle "hey, we need to keep going, we need to get back"), or treat this like a group endeavor without delving into the individual.

I really suspect the reason we are having such a massive blow up right now is in part because this party has, for so long, been told "hey, your shit? It could ruin it for the rest of us, and we're a team," and Ashton very much went against this. I would not, frankly, be surprised if Imogen (for example) is angry not just only Ashton, but also generally, that she pushed down her stuff and maybe didn't make more efforts to contact her mother and work through that.

Essentially, Orym is really good at smoothing things over just enough to keep everything on task, but eventually, if the gear is broken, no amount of grease can keep it from jamming, and that's what just happened here with Ashton. This is what only repeated quick fixes and no preventative maintenance looks like.

(As for why the fandom thinks the opposite? I personally blame that most putrid - in several senses - belief, that conflict is always to be avoided, mixed in with a longstanding really toxic and genre/medium-ignorant attitude towards death and grieving. I think this goes hand and hand with the really pervasive attitude early on that Bells Hells were so open and honest instead of the truth: it was just a pleasant veneer.)

[thecavernsabove]

okay now i just want to talk about my expectations versus why i have ended up liking certain characters because i am just so intrigued by everything these people and characters do. for bells hells, i went into it knowing i would love ashton because they are the reason I started watching, i didn't think i would really latch onto any other character, apart from maybe fearne because she's a satyr and i am particularly partial to satyrs, and imogen because i mean it's laura bailey!

but what actually happened, is that yes i did get super attached to ashton of course i did, but my top three quickly became ashton, orym and laudna (and as someone who started being able to watch live at the split you can imagine how devastated i was). and recently chetney is really creeping up there. i do love all the characters dearly though.

ashton just reminds me of myself so much, apart from the fact that they are much braver than i could ever be, and blunter too. i wish i could be them and also see all my faults in them. its a lot.

orym was my first introduction to liam o'brien and his devastating little guys (more on caleb later), and just his backstory and the way he deals with people intrigues me so much and i want to see him happy so bad.

laudna oh laudna. marisha ray you have ruined me. even going into this with my minimal knowledge of the briarwoods, her backstory reveal was so intense and it hurt. also, creepy unnerving girlies stick together! she's iconic.

chetney is so wild to me i love him so much. he is so intensely gender as well i love him so much. i love gruff and grumpy characters that are actually nice once you are more friendly with them.

imogen. i will say it took a little bit for her to grow on me but i do love her. i think the bassuras dusk stuff really helped me like her more. also her immense power and lightning scars are pretty cool if you ask me.

fearne. i love how sweet she is and the stuff like being bad at lying and also just stealing little things here and there was really fun. but what made me like her more was when she got more serious and i didn't expect that (foreshadowing for later!)

fcg. now, i still have, mixed? feelings for fcg. in a sense of i dont hate the character but i think the character arc is not something im too interested in, but i do still like them. the stuff with frida was very nice, and i do like the bits that they do - but i think there still feels like there is something missing for me somewhat.

now, with the mighty nein, i had an inkling on who i would like. i thought caleb certainly because we seem very similar, molly maybe because i liked ashton so hey i might like this taliesin character too! and that was it really. going into it though, because i had seen so much of jester (talking about her and cosplays mostly) i thought that she would be probably my least favourite because her personality didn't seem to really gel with what i usually like in characters. but here i am, on the other side with my favs being caleb, fjord, and jester! it was so much watching everything for the first time, even with knowing the big spoilers and then looking at more minor spoilers so i knew somewhat what would happen - but i do that with a lot of things, its different knowing what happens versus actually watching and experiencing what is happening.

caleb. caleb widogast is such an intense character and i loved every minute i spent with him. i spent so much time checking when i would finally see the nein sided tower of his and watching liam describe everything for an hour was so incredible i was in awe. i truely love that dirt wizard so much.

fjord was a truly unexpected character for me to fall for. the first time i realized that i was going to love him though was when they were in the one politicians house early in the campaign and he held his sword to caleb to make sure he wasn't fucking with them. then seeing his growth, the accent change, and just his whole deal i was enraptured. i do miss the southern eldritch blast though.

jester oh my goodness did she creep up on me. i think her initial cuteness that i had experienced throughout just existing on the internet put me off for some reason but i don't know why. however i did quickly fall in love with her, when she had one of her more sinister/serious moments early on. i don't remember what it was but i remember thinking oh. /oh./ okay. i love her. and then her relationship with her mama, and artie, gosh i just loved watching laura bailey do literally anything. the cupcake bit! also the sprinkle bit is quite funny. i also just love doing her voice when im talking to myself. she is also the reason that i take a decent amount of damage spells with my current cleric.

beau. i think i thought that i would have liked her more than i did (don't get me wrong i liked her a lot but she is not in my top three), but she is incredible. as a fellow monk pc i do love going the extra mile with those stunning strikes, and also seeing her relationship with yasha blossom was so lovely. and her bro relationships with fjord and caleb were also some of my favourites.

yasha. after starting with campaign three, it was really hard to not see ashley all the time and i remember having to look on the wiki while watching to check when she would come back every time she left. i think i really started to like her more after her she got taken, and went through that big arc, and we were around her more often. i loved watching her dreams. i loved watching her so much.

veth was so unexpected are you kidding me?? i will say i have yet to have a sam character be in my top three but god he knows how to throw an emotional punch and i love that kind of stuff. i love her relationship with caleb, the detective agency, the chaos crew. i love her arc of getting herself back, of seeing her family again. ough. im a big lover of families.

caduceus. goodness gracious me what a character. i just absolutely loved the aesthetic and caduceus's whole relationship to how he approaches death. he is also the reason i started playing a grave cleric in a newer campaign. but truly, has made me think differently about death - which was especially needed for me this year.

mollymauk. i knew he was dead. i knew he would die. but that didn't make me any less upset when it happened! i think about him often, what could have been. especially since i was so sure he took the wrong amount of damage in that fight and should not have quite have been knocked out at that time. but his whole maximallist aesthetic is something i very much enjoy, and i love the through line of his cards with jester.

wow okay this has gotten to be very long but i need to get my thoughts about everyone out somewhere!! if you've read this far im so sorry this is so much of my own ramblings.

[singrate]

The Nick Nelson Autism Master Post

Nick Nelson is autistic and here is why, love from me, who relates harder to him than any other fictional character ever and is very likely autistic myself:

(Note: I’m using evidence from the series, the comics and the novellas here, because there’s some stuff in Nick and Charlie that just screams autism to me.)

Special interests:

Rugby! This seems pretty obvious. He excels at it, it’s his thing, he keeps playing even when he doesn’t like his teammates, and this:

You cannot tell me that’s not an infodump.

Marvel and Formula One - these are only mentioned in passing, but I feel like they fit. Nick is 100% a Stucky shipper.

The Pirates of the Caribbean phase. Sidenote: for about three months after Heartstopper came out I had to watch it every few days or I just felt Wrong.

Sensory stuff:

The deep pressure hugs, especially when he’s stressed or very emotional.

That is sensory seeking behaviour if I’ve ever seen it.

In the series, he never wears his school jumper and rarely wears his blazer. Maybe he just runs hot, but he’s literally sitting in Form in February surrounded by people wearing coats and he’s just wearing a shirt. I think to Nick, the itchy/heavy uniform is a worse fate than being slightly cold.

“He likes the sound felt tips make on paper, rain and minimalism.” Hello???

There is something about his wardrobe. The sheer amount of sportswear and joggers. That’s a sensory thing. There has to be more to it than just that he’s a jock. There’s some bonus material in the back of Volume 2 where Alice has written: “Nick likes comfortable and sporty clothes more than anything. He’d wear joggers every day if he could!” I think maybe the texture/feel of his clothes matters a lot more to him than how they look.

Further to this, in the same bonus section: “Nick finds skinny jeans uncomfy to wear, so dressing up smart usually involves a pair of chinos or looser jeans.” Same vibes.

I also noticed he sticks to the same few brands of clothes, and to me the attachment to his Vans is a combination of autistic brand loyalty (also Carhartt and Adidas) and every other kind of shoe feeling wrong.

When he’s with Nellie, and especially when he’s stressed, he has her putting some of her weight on him. Pressure!!!

In the series he seems to be pretty particular about his hair and the pushing-it-off-his-forehead could be a stim.

He seeks darker/quieter spaces at Harry’s party - obviously this is partly because he just wants to be with Charlie but combine his room always being dimly lit (and don’t get me started on the fairy lights) and the “do you want to go somewhere quieter again?” in your head for me and tell me what conclusion you reach. He’s also visibly way more comfortable in said quieter places at the party.

Crossing his arms tightly like this. That's self-soothing and I will not be convinced otherwise because that's what I do.

In S01E08 when he went in the water with his shoes on I felt it in my bones and it made me want to cry but I think he prefers the horror of wet socks to the horror of Beach Textures.

General social things:

He talks about feeling like he doesn't fit in which is definitely a common trait of autism.

Also, when he’s talking to Imogen at the end of S01E05 it really seems like he planned that speech out in his head and practised it in his head in the shower multiple times. He was workshopping that monologue in his head while he walked to the park I’m telling you. 

Masking:

When Sarah goes: “You seem much more yourself around him.” He feels safe & accepted enough to unmask in front of Charlie (and also Charlie is heavily autistic coded too).

Some of his humour, especially around his Year 11 friends - for example the way he says “Your mum” to Imogen when she asks who he’s texting seems like he’s imitating his friends to fit in.

He has a hard time lying. In S01E03 when he’s talking to Harry after the kiss and says “guess I was just in a mood” he is doing the screwed up face I do when I’m trying to lie to be polite.

Social cues/tone:

He doesn’t seem to make much eye contact with any characters except Charlie, who he makes pretty intense eye contact with. 

There are a handful of moments in the series where he misinterprets the tone of people around him:

S01E01: The “small and weak” moment - he doesn’t pick up that it’s a joke and reacts self-consciously when Charlie points that out. That’s so me of him.

S01E07: His reaction to Charlie’s “he’s not even my type” comment. Not only did Nick’s face here make me want to cry slightly, it basically confirmed my Nick Nelson Autism Trutherism because he definitely misread what Charlie intended to be an inside joke as well as a deflection.

I’m sure there’s more that I’ll remember later

Both of the “her dog died” moments in S01E05 like are you kidding me.

Sitting on Charlie’s bed while soaking wet in S01E04. It’s not obvious to either of them that he probably shouldn’t do that.

That bit in S01E08 where he asks if Charlie wants to get lunch together. There is something so autistic about that moment and I can’t quite articulate it but it’s there.

There are moments when he comes off kind of blunt or abrupt when he obviously doesn't mean to, even towards Charlie, especially in S01E04 - on the rugby pitch and in the antiseptic wipes scene, for example, where he leaves super quickly after Isaac finds them. That scene always kind of upset me until I realised maybe why he's like that.

In Nick and Charlie when he just doesn’t pick up at all that Charlie’s upset about him going on about Leeds. 

He struggles to identify and articulate how he feels and this is a theme in the first couple of volumes of the comics and Season 1. 

In the bonus content at the end of Volume 2, there's also a bit about him having a massive t-shirt collection and not being able to get rid of them even when they don't fit him. Something about having empathy for inanimate objects and Collecting Things.

A collection of screencaps that also scream autism to me:

So basically if you've reached this point in the post and you're not convinced, I haven't done my job properly. You could probably give me any scene from the series and I could tell you how it contributes to my Nick is Autistic thesis.

Another note: I also think he has ADHD or at the very least struggles with executive function - doing his homework last-minute in the hallway, that bit in Nick and Charlie where he says he's shit at replying to text messages.

In summary, I love him and he's me, therefore he is autistic.

[whiskeyswifty]

What’s your favorite thing about folklore?

oh my god what a question. I'm just gonna riff off the dome here because if i try to go at this in any kind of organized way, i'll write a deranged thesis paper. (this is about the album proper, sorry to the lakes. too bad she never released it and we'll never know what it sounded like)

Gut reaction to this question is just how complete it is. It's an idea and concept, a writing prompt if you will, compiled neatly and cohesively in a way that's the perfect digestible length for it's form (music/an album) and also all killer, no filler. All the vignettes are not a "story" (save for the love triangle which i largely ignore because it's shoehorned) but come off like an anthology; that is to say that they're a series of emotional vignettes across a range of life experiences, but explored through the motifs and styles of one writer. I cannot jump around with folklore, i must press play on the 1, which has never happened before with a taylor album. It has no skips, every single one flowing smoothly but efficiently with the ebb and flow pacing of a babbling brook. (i do skip mad woman occasionally cuz its not what i wanna hear at the moment or epiphany cuz it's too heavy and too soon to go back to that mental place, but they're both excellent and fit perfectly within the album when i'm casually listening)

The sound is also just so perfectly aligned with my tastes. I contain multitudes, but unfortunately one of those is being a sad indie white girl lol. I love soft rubber bridge guitars, and whining violins and piano and minimal but expertly layered textures. atmospheric ones that carry the mood and the fill the space like fog but let you feel close to the artist, as i've said once before, as if she were sitting next to you and talking directly to you. There's a lushness to live instruments played softly and as pieces of a whole, and it makes any additions from a moog softened and supplementary. It just, for me anyway, really helps to hear the tactile nature of the instruments and mistakes and the breaths and the pedals on the piano and all the rest. it's the perfect mix of what i love musically from that genre, akin to Sujfan or Lucy/Phoebe or imogen heap or the xx or lana at times. even as way back and like dashboard, which shows my age a bit. you know the vibes. And i love how jack leaned into his more orchestral side, which he doesn't often do with taylor, still to this day. august in particular is just outstanding and he's great at stuff like that and i wish they would do more like that together!

I think its the PERFECT use of her voice. it's not blasphemous to say of all her artistic talents, she does not have a voice that can stack up against her peers vocally. But, as i've also said a million times before so sorry to bring it up again, she has a very emotive voice when it comes to the tiniest and most nuanced of emotions. maybe because she's less focused on vocal runs or hitting notes, but this album has her voice really shine. it's textured and rough and soft and smooth at the same time, fully bringing you whatever raw emotion is on the page. its the voice of a scribbled journal entry if that makes sense, off the cuff, unpracticed (even though i'm sure it is), and so intimate. you can hear her smile and hear when her throat is thick, it's just a showcase of her voice like nothing else. the pared down sound really lets all those tiny moments rise to the surface.

visually, i mean what can i say. her second best album cover ever. Fully removing herself from the center of it, diminishing herself with the trees for scale. Trees that have existed before her and will outlive her, as if to say this, the act of making art and ultimately the art itself, is so much bigger than me. my life and my problems. but everything is bigger than me, and it's important to not lose sight of that. which, if you were an adult at that time, particularly of a similar age to her at least, you commiserate with that sentiment. the black and white isn't actually black, but more of a warm gray, which i also love. i also know it was mainly out of necessity, but embracing how dressed down and simple her styling was. wrinkled dresses and limp, unruly hair. really suited the look of someone who's going to spin you a tale. NO TEXT TOO LIKE YEAHHHHHHHH god it's perfect and so well designed.

rapid fire now, lets see. i love that peace was done in one take, and you can tell, in a good way! and it's her HEARTBEAT???? i'm a sucker for that, no matter how played out that trick is, and imo it's justified because they disguise it with a dissonant tone of sorts. i love the PERFECT knee jerk answer opening of "i'm doing good" and then proceeding to delve into some of her darkest emotions she'd explored thus far (and in some ways since). i love that illicit affairs is missing it's final chorus, a song that is structurally unfinished and just peters out, the way doomed affairs always do. the way she never mentions the location or even the event, but the soundscape and the lyrics of my tears ricochet paint a perfectly clear church and funeral in your mind!! i love the word ricochet and i love how easy it is to spew it with vitriol. as corny as it is in the context of the rest of this more subtle album lyrically, i love the swiftian turn in the bridge of tlgad like.... damnit it's always so delicious. that harmonica in betty is just like a glass of sweet tea on a muggy summer night, it's SO bright and fun and puts a smile on my face every time!

But all that to say I think my favorite thing is seven. seven is a perfect song. her best song. the best version of a taylor swift song. a song so emotionally poignant and transcendent it wins over, however begrudgingly, even the biggest haters of her and indie music as it pokes at that one spot that will always be soft, and it's blank space's spiritual successor and therefore foil in that way. incredible feat to use the motif of your childhood self and not come off trite, like most other attempts by other artists can be. the most opaque she's ever been lyrically, which is a huge risk to take. small in scale but massive in it's implications and intentions. a song where the meaning and gravity exist in your reaction to it and not the song itself. perfect art. an opus of a song on an opus of an album.

[overnighttosunflowers]

So here’s a theory that’s neither “it will all stick just like that” and “it was a dream”—time loops. (The actual theory here is all @xanthera; I’m just pulling together some supporting evidence and some follow-up thoughts.)

First of all, while Matt’s most recent tweets about high stakes and player choices do clearly say that this event will have lasting repercussions, he did also like this tweet, which I think implies that there’s more going on than just what we saw on Thursday. (So, to me, does his whole bearing during the fight, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Secondly, we know that this show loves to see its threads through, and particularly that this is a campaign MADE of threads from the previous ones. Right now, dunamancy and Aeor are the biggest two c2 threads that are clearly being pulled, to an as-yet-unclear end. So we have:

The T-dock Caleb destroyed, which can’t be the only one that existed… and also, a PC who is walking evidence that stuff from Aeor is now making it out into the rest of Exandria

The dunamancy vials that the Assembly forced Yeza to invent… which are now being traded by the Paragon’s Call, which Otohan leads

A backpack worn by Otohan, which Matt has called attention to multiple times, which seems to be tied to her abilities and which has two cavities in the middle… what for? Dunamancy juice?

Evidence that Otohan was the one who attacked Zephrah, an attack which “came from out of nowhere and disappeared almost before it started”

A PC who lived 100 years inside 6 years due to being trapped in a time loop in the feywild, making it clear that the most powerful fey can manipulate time

Knowledge that Otohan has been spotted in the feywild collaborating with Unseelie fey

A Cerberus Assembly leader, who is the reason that the dunamancy vials exist, also in said feywild collaboration

Taken all together, feels like pretty clear evidence that dunamis and the feywild are entangled and will be playing a major role in this campaign, no?

So then @xanthera pointed out: what if Otohan has an ability to use chronurgy to reverse the last few minutes while allowing everyone to keep their memories of what happened? It would traumatize everyone and make very clear what can happen if they don’t do what she wants.

This can be consistent with “lasting repercussions,” per Matt’s tweet. It’s compatible with characters staying dead if that’s what their players really want.

BUT, for everyone else—isn’t that still a real consequence, to live your death in reverse and come back? To realize the extreme extent to which this group you’re with is truly a powder keg, the extent to which you can’t protect others or yourself when push comes to shove, the extent to which you’re a danger to your loved ones, to which your loved ones are a danger to you? Wouldn’t it be campaign-defining?

Wouldn’t you seriously change tactics in the way the M9 did after Molly died, when—as Matt noted in interviews not long after, when he also spoke about this being a game with real consequences—they started becoming much more careful researchers in forming their plans? Wouldn’t you have to find new ways of operating as a party to have a shot at ultimately defeating this? Wouldn’t it shake up the status quo in ways that reverberate, and reverberate, and reverberate?

And, on the “better than it was before” side of consequences, wouldn’t it kickstart some major character arc shifts? To realize all the things you could’ve died left unsaid? Couldn’t it lead you eventually to (checks Matt’s tweets) “the brightest epiphanies” and “joy and catharsis”? Wouldn’t you go confess your love to your sending stone buddy wouldn’t you kiss your Girl Best Friend

Anyway, I mean, who knows. Maybe it’s all absolutely real and Liam and Ashley want their characters to stay dead and Otohan will walk away from a pile of corpses and we’ll have 2-4 new characters at the table and Imogen will be a DM-controlled villain. Or it’s all real and Otohan will walk away from a group frantically cascading heals and revivifies and hoping to reach everyone in time and Imogen will be battling her way through a corruption arc.

OR, maybe, they’re all just left gasping and alive and burning with the memory of everything that just happened and unhappened, and could happen again. And they’re changed by it.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

I finished the second episode of Heartstopper last night (wanted to post about it yesterday, but I was too tired from work), so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order for you now.

Good on Nick for checking up on Charlie after what happened. I found it odd, though, that he seemed more emotional about it than Charlie, but I guess they're in two very different places, mentally. One being 'why do I seem to like this guy way more than my other friends?' & the other being 'omg stop being so nice to me, your straight!' lol. Plus, I get that everyone deals with stuff in their own way & poor Charlie is probably so used to being mistreated that he might just be repressing the full weight of how his feeling as a copeing mechanism. It was also probably very cathartic to finally tell someone everything that happened between him & Ben (as I'm guessing he kept most if not all of it a secret from his friends & sister).

WE FINALLY MEET NELLIE!!!! And she is as cute as I'd hoped (though for some reason I expected her to be a different colour).

Sorry, Charlie, but Tori's right. Your hair looks exactly the same. Also, love that they kept the gag from the novel about her scaring him with her, always showing up suddenly without warning.

Nice to see that the outfits are on point for our boys so far with the plaid/black jeans (trying to impress someone, I see Charlie) & T-shirt/joggers (also what product is Miss Nelson using coz Nick's tops look soft as hell).

Wait, what season is it supposed to be because it looked really sunny when Charlie was walking to Nick's house (I know he was wearing a coat & hat but Charlie is always cold) but then suddenly it's snowing? Idk when Alice first came up with this story, but as a Brit, I haven't seen proper full on Snow since I was probably around eight years old. But hey, maybe in the Heartstopper universe, global warming doesn't exist.

I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get the fun of a snowball fight. If I go somewhere with a friend & they start throwing stuff at me, I'm leaving! Also, picking it up with your bare hands? One, it's been on the ground 🤢, and two, where are your gloves? Do you not feel the cold? Snow angles do look fun until I think about how my entire behind would be frozen/damp. Sorry if that makes me a "stick in the mud", I don't care 😝.

Damn, that is one photogenic dog & and aww, they already look like a couple. Also, give it up for Nick's freckles, the real star of the show 👏.

Omg, being in the same group as someone you hate must be so hard, but I get why Nick can't really say anything about what Ben did, at least not right now. Also, what is up with that Imogen girl? Mind your damn business.

I think it's good we get to see Elle longing for a bond with other girls that she just can't get from her male friend group. Makes her transition feel more fleshed out (for lack of a better word), you know?

Yay, we finally meet Tara & Darcy & they're exactly how I thought they'd be (except I imagined Darcy with brown hair for some reason). Ooh I didn't know Elle was artistic. I wanna decorate pencil cases now. Tara's pink puffa coat is so cute. What is up with adults dictating how long kids' hair can be? Like who gives a fuck! Also "gal pals" had me 😆.

Oh, thank god, it's just misinformation. For a second, I thought Tao was making shit up just to make Charlie get over his crush. Are kids really like that, though? I can't imagine kissing someone once & having people insist, I'm madly in love with them to this day, like move on already.

Ok, I officially really like the gay teacher, lol.

Love Charlie's sweater & Nick's coats are also very nice. Where are these kids getting their clothes? Coz I'm embarrassed by most of the stuff I wore as a teenager.

The big hoodie moment should be cute, but I just can't help thinking about how skinny Charlie is, which makes me ☹️.

Ok, so I didn't care much for the leaf animation in the first episode, but omg, the little fire crackles when Nick was trying to hold Charlie's hand? Screaming, crying, throwing up!!!!!!! & the hug before he left? Fucking crops watered for life, bitch!

Was digging Elle's outfit, very 70's vibes.

Ah, so their "secret" is out. Also obligatory: 🗣 LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO 🗣

Can't wait for the next episode, but I practically passed out after watching episode 2 (manual labour is hard, kids 😭), so maybe I hallucinated, but did that Imogen girl ask Nick out? I thought she was daiting Ben? Or is that a different girl?

PS. I found out Aled won't be in the show, which I accept & the only reason I haven't talked about Isaac is because he hasn't really done much yet

[incorrectsprolden]

your heartstopper faves if we could see more of their social media accounts lol: 3/?— NICK NELSON

i’d like to think that nick would try to plan his instagram feed but he’s a bisexual, so he’d be a little indecisive; but he’s trying his best. i love him lol

i really wanna do michael’s instagram next, so drop your fave fancasts of him and other suggestions!!

click the links to check out my other edits; we have CHARLIE and TORI done so far. feel free to like, reblog or comment– i really appreciate it!!

liked by imogen.heaney, reading_with_isaac, cfspring, and 50 others

nicholaszzzzz: a bisexual and “an ally” go camping

[tagged imogen.heaney in a post]

imogen.heaney: that was such an embarrassing moment for me ENOUGH 😭😭

cfspring: i love your little friendship its so cute

imogen.heaney: besties since year 7 (real)

darcytheegg: my fave bisexual with his fave ally

the.xu.tao: me & imogen 🤝 being your supportive straight friends

itsellesuniverse: STOP!! did the tao xu just admit he’s friends with nick nelson

reading_with_isaac: caught 📸📸

liked by nottorispring, michaelholden123, itsellesuniverse, and 101 others

nicholaszzzzz: hacked 🐶🐾

saharsguitar: nellie do you have something to say to the people? 🤨🎤

cfspring: she said “bork” she told me herself

saharsguitar: okay thank you for that follow up

nottorispring: this is so real of you nick

the.xu.tao: this is the only time i’ll like your post nick

michaelholden123: do you guys ever think about what dog breed you’d be? i think i would be goldendoodle or sheepdog

nicholaszzzzz: yes i have actually and we all know i’m the human embodiment of a golden retriever

cfspring: its true, i can vouch for that

liked by cfspring, the.xu.tao, darcytheegg, and 150 others

nicholaszzzzz: another year with my favourite boy. happy birthday my beloved, i love you darling 🤍✨

[tagged cfspring in a post]

itsellesuniverse: i’m literally obsessed with you two

nottorispring: happy birthday you aries legend ♈️

imogen.heaney: you cuties!! happy bday charlie!!

cfspring: i’ll cry nick- i’ll cry so loud

nicholaszzzzz: its my boyfriend privilege to announce your birthday to the world. i love you, my love 💙

tara.jones.xo: absolute cuties– happy birthday charlie!! 🎉

liked by tara.jones.xo, saharsguitar, itsellesuniverse, and 45 others

nicholaszzzzz: tell me you like the mcu without telling me you like the mcu… i’ll go first

nicholaszzzzz: also charlie got me the ‘i love you 3000’ sign and before you all ask, yes i cried

cfspring: you cried a lot, actually 🥹

the.xu.tao: we need to work on expanding your movie taste nicholas because this is a crime

nicholaszzzzz: then you’re gonna be real upset when you see my iron man shrine

tara.jones.xo: the colour coordination of the photo collage, we love to see it

itsellesuniverse: from one artist to another, yes

liked by reading_with_isaac, darcytheegg, itsellesuniverse, and 65 others

nicholaszzzzz: rugby szn ft. a charlie spring cameo

reading_with_isaac: does anyone here actually understand the game of rugby

the.xu.tao: nope absolutely not

tara.jones.xo: why do you think i do ballet?

darcytheegg: at least i got to know the local gays

saharsguitar: i just wanna watch one game

cfspring: SKSKSKSK YES COME WATCH!!

cfspring: @/nottorispring wanna come too? 👀

nottorispring: you would have to pay me so much money to watch a sports game, charles

liked by nottorispring, michaelholden123, saharsguitar, and 20 others

nicholaszzzzz: one thing about me, i LOVE minimalism 🪷

imogen.heaney: i think we as a society need to talk about how nice nick’s handwriting is bc- hello??!!

darcytheegg: okay pull through with the MUJI brand

cfspring: get ✍️ nick ✍️ more ✍️ muji ✍️ stuff ✍️

nicholaszzzzz: stop do not spend that much on me charlie

cfspring: don’t tell me what to do nick

the.xu.tao: stop flirting in the comments pls-

liked by reading_with_isaac, cfspring, imogen.heaney, and 200 others

nicholaszzzzz: staring at the sunset, babe 🌅

the.xu.tao: okay has anyone checked up on charlie?

nottorispring: he’s been screaming and crying for 10 minutes now lol

itsellesuniverse: the taylor swift lyric, okay i like it

saharsguitar: @/cfspring bestie, are you okay?? comment something to let us know

cfspring: OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD 😭😭😭

cfspring: unfollow me now, this is gonna be the only thing i talk about for the next week

darcytheegg: rip charlie spring, nothing happened to him expect nicholas luke nelson

imogen.heaney: photo credits to me, you’re welcome

liked by cfspring, the.xu.tao, tara.jones.xo, and 159 others

nicholaszzzzz: the world is so obsessed with defining sexuality for everyone and attaching labels to it. any time any person openly leaves the sexual norm, their sexuality becomes, more often than not, the absolute defining characteristic of that person.

it becomes the first thing people think about and often the first thing they mention. every other part of that person all but disappears — dan pearce 💗💜💙

comments have been turned off

[pocketgalaxies]

miss ma'am would you like to expand some thoughts on all of the imodna stuff from this past ep? i always love your takes on them :)

hello yes!!

ok starting with imogen. i can't believe it's basically canon that girl's been kinda in love with laudna for so long. like i knew it but i didn't Know it and now i Know it and don't know what to Do with it except be like oh babe. i'm so happy for you for making that move. and the speed at which imogen steered the conversation to that point as soon as they were alone is so endearing, the way she was about to overflow with the need to ask that question. also marisha being like "this wasn't supposed to happen to my dead girl" and laura going "i know :( i know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" bc sometimes the character wants what the character wants and this character wanted this so so so so so so so so bad

LAUDNA ON THE OTHER HAND.

i've seen a few other ppl say this and i certainly agree that laudna's reaction to being asked "can i kiss you" and what happened afterward is very ambiguous and i'm so curious what the Hell fuck is going on in her head now

what does it mean when someone asks if they can kiss you and you just say "ALRIGHT." like it's not an inconvenience and it wouldn't bother you so sure they can do what they want, you don't mind. it's not a "yes i want you to do that" it's a "yes i won't be upset if you do that" and those are different!! it could easily be either "i was not expecting this holy shit what do i do oh my god wait what okay wait just let her do it first and figure it out later" because laudna as we all know is romantically emotionally stunted. but also it could be "imogen wants this and what imogen wants i will give to her no matter what it is and this is an easy thing to give" which is,hmm,,,,unhealthy

and then immediately launching into like. i think i need you to be with me in order to be a good person. i think i can't separate from you without destroying myself or hating myself. and imogen going "you're not a bad person" and laudna kissing her again like she needs to Consume that in order to believe it

i'm kinda swinging between multiple interpretations of this, the first being like. laudna recognizing that imogen is showing interest and commitment to her but also coming from such a harrowing experience and needing to put that on the table first. "i don't think you realize that i'm unstable. i'm a bad person. i'm unlovable because you're the only thing keeping me from hurting everyone else." she doesn't explicitly say it but it'd be easy to see the implication of "are you sure you want this, want me?" and imogen saying with so much quiet conviction "you're not a bad person you're not a bad person" is why she kissed her again, because she needed to hear it and hearing that imogen still wants her despite her warnings makes her more confident to initiate a lil kiss or two by herself too

but there are so many other routes to take it. did she recognize that kissing is what imogen wants and therefore kissed her only as a way to say thank you for calling me a good person, almost like a reward, a purely transactional thing on laudna's part? did she not enjoy the first kiss but feel like she needed to try again to maybe convince herself to like it because imogen is so nice and wonderful and amazing that she should like it, what if not liking it makes her an even worse person? did she kiss her because she didn't know what to say in response because she didn't believe imogen's words at all and it was an easy distraction? did she just want to kiss her again so bad so she just did it?

idk maybe we're all reading way too much into this dkfjskdfjs but i think any option could be believable and i have things i like and dislike about each theory, and i love the fact that it wasn't a straightforward "omg yes please kiss me we're dating now!" bc it's so chewy and juicy and fun. if laura and marisha aren't on the next episode of 4-sided dive i MIGHT fly to LA and storm the set

anyway regardless of what's going on in laudna's head, i think it's safe to say that it's not a great sign of her general State Of Mental Health when she was kissed by her bestest bestie and STILL bor'dor and delilah were what she wanted to talk about. i think you'd have to be in a Very bad place for a reunion and a kiss with your fav person to not distract you, at least for a little bit, from talking about that stuff. how imodna's relationship changes moving forward (if at all) will be v interesting to see and i'm so so ssosososo os osos oso so os excited.

oh also before i end this post, just want to acknowledge that i'm assuming laura and marisha discussed it during the break and decided to keep it a secret from the rest of the party. i'm SURE we'll see some interesting discussions about that moving forward, both from laudna and imogen when they're alone + the rest of the party once they find out. i'm not thinking too hard about that decision, i think there are countless mundane and harmless reasons to keep it a secret for now, so i'm just gonna look forward to future eps!!

[unicyclehippo]

for the imodna prompts if you’re still taking them: charge

they’d spent most of the second day catching laudna up with everything that happened while she was—gone, is the word they all settled on, with looks slinking sidelong to imogen.

‘they were trapped in your head?’ laudna gasps, scuttles over the wide bed to perch beside ashton. fingers curl around their skull and she presses her face right up against the crater, peering down into the glittering mass. ‘and you could see them,’ she asks, softly, speaking almost directly into their ear. she pulls away, still eyeing the lights. ‘from—from the exterior? but that would mean that they were physically present in some capacity…or does it mean that the conflux of two magical effects created a visible phenomenon? not so strange, then. after all, many magical abilities are visible.’

‘except mind stuff. unless your head is cracked open,’ ashton says, shrugs.

laudna grins back. ‘indeed! now - how much do i owe you? one gold? or was it two?’ she fumbles for her money bag.

ashton stares at her. says, with extraordinary gentleness, ‘for you? no charge.’

//

‘do you think he’s alright?’ laudna asks late that night, curled right into the same narrow bed as imogen who is so thankful for the small bed that she’ll pay double, tip the innkeeper when they leave. she wants to wrap herself around laudna, pull her into her arms. she contents herself with where their elbows and knees knock, and laudna’s fingers twined with hers.

imogen rouses, a little. she’s been dosing, not wanting to sleep before laudna. ‘hm. who?’

‘ashton.’

‘oh.’ brain fuzzy with exhaustion, she searches for the right words for some time. eventually, settling in, ‘he’s—he’s still going.’

laudna hums, understanding. ‘i wonder if there’s something we can do. an ointment, perhaps, or some left over healing. heat or cold therapy, perhaps.’

imogen listens and watches, sleepily, as laudna’s lips form the words. lovely lips, lovely words. laudna, laudna, laudna.

‘imogen?’

‘mm.’

‘why aren’t you sleeping, darling?’

imogen hesitates. she takes laudna’s hand more fully, fingers intertwined. cool metal slides against her skin, two rings. she thinks about telling laudna about what it’s like to sleep next to her when she’s dead, and now, afterwards. about the shock, like the jolt that sometimes wakes her right before she falls into sleep—the need, sudden and awful, to know laudna is beside her. alive.

‘i—‘

laudna’s cool thumb drags across her forehead. the tilted sick feeling in her stomach eases.

‘i need to make sure you’re okay. it won’t be so bad after a while but for now…’

‘i’m so sorry,’ laudna whispers, voice grave. ‘i’m so sorry you had to go through that.’

imogen nods. blinks away a hot tear, rubs her cheek into the pillow. she plays with laudna’s fingers. ‘it’s funny, actually. i mean, sad funny. but the whole time, i just kept thinkin’ that the only thing - the thing that would make it easier would be if you were with me. which is stupid because you were—but i kept thinkin’ it. like, you’d know how to hold me, or what to say.’ she sniffs. ‘silly, right?’

‘no. never silly. i wish i had been there too. haunting you.’

[ophernelia]

im TIREDT of y’all dogpiling sister Eloise. She ain’t do nothing worse than what the other characters did to each other. Did she not tell them about her fathers plan? Yes. But y’all forget she was just a teen like everybody else. Lou dropped her ass and didn’t explain anything.. y’all would be mad too don’t lie. And her family is messed up and she had all this other stuff going on.

was she mean to Imogen? Yes. But so was Owen but y’all love him right?? (I love him too)

Did she not really like Sav but hooked up with her anyways. Yep. But y’all forgive Kaila for doing the same thing. To the same person at that! Now we got Sav and Sienna hooking up without her knowledge. Sure you can say it’s karma but watch Eloise not really care. She’s accepted that these people don’t fwh no more and isn’t gonna try to make them.

Listennnnnnn! I love Eloise down! She’s done some wrong stuff, but she is genuinely one of the few that’s learned from those experiences and is actively trying to do better. She deserves so much grace. I feel like only two people currently have an issue with her fr. That’s Imogen and William.

A lot of Imogen’s current disdain comes from how she thinks Eloise perceives her. It’s a “why should I like her when she still hates me for stealing Lou and her friends?” BUT we don’t know how Eloise feels about that now. Neither does Imogen. The two of them need to have a conversation and a few apologies that go a lot deeper.

Now Will… he’s never liked her. Even from his character introduction, he was never fond of Eloise. That’s because of all the stuff that went on with her and Sav prior to Eloise dating Lou. He’s been standing on that since then. He doesn’t play about his twin. That’s why he was ready and willing to whoop Owen’s ass when he made her cry, but Sav told him to let it go. He still isn’t fond of Kaila and has some iffy feelings about Rory too. He just can’t challenge her because that’s his alpha. But Will doesn’t let go of anything lmaoooo.

But the thing with Eloise is that she genuinely is quite sweet. She would love to be accepted and a part of the group. ): She just doesn’t wanna force anything.

[utilitycaster]

(this might be a silly question, and please take this in the best possible faith, i don't mean it to be any kind of a gotcha or a trap, okay now that that's out of the way) i'm a cr fan who hasn't started c3 yet (still trucking through c2 and loving it) but i've been a quiet observer to whatever tf has been happening in the tumblr tags for it and have enjoyed your takes/opinions. so, asking this as someone without context who's not trying to comment on any recent ship developments (don't worry about spoilers though, not trying to avoid any), are there parts of c3, either characters or plot or backstories or whatever, that you do really enjoy/find compelling? (you might have already answered this, i've only been following you for like. a week and a half.) thank you!

Hi anon!

Yes, there definitely are! I completely get where you're coming from for this question, too, but I appreciate the context because I have gotten questions before where I feel like someone is trying to corner me and say CAN'T YOU BE POSITIVE??? Anyway, more on that at the end because I want to get to the things I do like, because there are, in fact, a lot. Also, because you've been vaguely following stuff this is chock full of spoilers just FYI.

Ashton, Chetney, and Fearne are all great characters. There is a lot of thought put into all three by the cast members who play them, I find their backstories and their inner lives rich and interesting, I am actually pretty patient with the Hishari plotline because Ashton has so much else going on that while I'm curious, I don't feel deprived. Chetney is just a great concept (for real people need to play older adventurers more often) and Travis is perhaps an unparalleled generator of interesting plot hooks, and Fearne constantly surprises me with her emotional depth and mischief - after two campaigns of Ashley playing characters who were often more, if not subdued, restrained or thoughtful, it's wonderful watching her let loose and be chaotic and cause problems.

Imogen is tricky because she's a character archetype I love, but her closest relationship does nothing for me. I would really love to see Laura lean into the darkness and moral ambiguity more. With that said her relationships with most of the rest of the party are great and I'd like more of them, and her family dynamics are also fascinating. With Imogen...I do want payoff but there has consistently been enough to keep me going.

Orym and FCG are interesting cases because I always liked Orym well enough but he was extremely Just A Guy - he delivered consistently but never wowed me - and I could not stand FCG earlier on. However, Orym's current arc is phenomenal. Liam's style doesn't always work for me but when it does, it really does, and the past few episodes have been top-tier Orym content. Similarly, after FCG learned of their history and met Dancer, they have been on an upswing that has not ended. I have never before turned around on a character to this degree but I love what Sam is doing. So if you're early on and FCG pisses you off: valid, but he gets good around episode 31 and then keeps being good.

The party split arcs are great. I love Uthodurn, I love Molaesmyr, I love getting to see some of Issylra, there's some great combat, the guests are all fantastic, it's a standout Laudna arc (quite literally part of why I've been recently frustrated with Laudna is because it's like every scrap of character development vanishes when she's within 15 feet of Imogen, like the dumbest paladin aura, but episodes 59-63 Laudna you will always be famous.

Earlier on, everything while Dorian is there is a fun time. Eshteross is precisely up my alley as are the Green Seekers. I also love the Twilight Mirror Museum heist.

The Bassuras arc is rough because there's a lot of good stuff going on but the plot is all weird and slow and I did not enjoy the guest arc. That said: some great interpersonal conversations, and also the Deathwish Run is a fun time if, like me, you love combat.

Yios casino episode, also a good time. The best way I can put it for someone watching through is that like...episodes 1-23 are typical finding one's characters/figuring out what's going on early campaign stuff, enjoyable overall, and the flaws within them can be attributed to that. 24-38 have plenty of bright spots within them (some of which I talked about) but it's a real slog at times. 39-42 are great. 43-45 are nonstop lore dump time, which isn't to say they are bad - there's some good stuff in there - but after 24-38 being lore dump and weird setup city it's a bit exhausting. Once the party goes to the feywild in 46 things get good and stay good. Like, for all the current romance isn't doing anything for me it's also, at this point, literally 2 minutes in an episode that otherwise fucking rules.

So just to get back on the bit about positivity: I tend to talk a lot more about what isn't working than what is. Some of this is because I firmly believe complaining is an art and a skill and is more fun to write. Some if it is also because I think if I like something, I just...like it! I can probably figure out why I like it if I want, but there's something very enjoyable about, well, just enjoying something. But if I don't like something, it's important for me to try to tease out why. Sometimes it's just that it doesn't work for me. There have been past CR characters who, while I can talk through the things I find I don't like about them, in the end it really comes down to "I think this personality is annoying, and that's valid and also a personal opinion." But sometimes I can frame it in terms of lack of narrative weight or momentum, or mechanically suboptimal builds that don't fit in with the character, or what have you, and I think it's valuable to be able to say that instead of just "wow this sucks." Like, there's meta to be had in why I don't care for something, whereas, for example, Fearne's incredibly clutch moves in the most recent episode were things I called out in my liveblogging but I don't have much to say other than "Ashley made some baller combat choices."

[lunarrolls]

druidcraft + orym & fearne

this idea was in my head instantly and i’ve just been on vacation so i couldn’t write it for DAYS. but GOD i love fearne and orym. they’re my silly rabbits. their friendship is everything to me. so have some grade a feelings!

•

Druidcraft is a cantrip on the druid spell list. We all know what it does—it can do other stuff but those flowers man—they’re an rp killer.

•

Fearne misses Orym something fierce, and it’s really not fair. It’s not fair that they were separated after everything that had happened, it’s not fair that her prayers had gone unheard, it’s not fair that she can’t seem to hold onto her people in any substantial way, and it’s not fair that nobody seems to know what the hell is going on. It’s not fair that the sky is trying to rip Imogen from her arms, not fair that Laudna’s not here, and not fair that F.C.G. keeps running headlong at threats without Ashton there to watch their back. It’s not fair that Chetney has to face his past alone because Fearne certainly has no idea how to help him and couldn’t calm him down when he turned in the woods.

Also, Fearne’s flowers are dying.

She’d never learned how to make flowers like Orym could. He liked to say that he couldn’t do anything special, but Fearne couldn’t make flowers. She could try, sure, and if she tried hard enough, something would probably happen, but she can’t do it like Orym. Dorian was the one who first suggested her new hairstyle one night with the Crown Keepers, and after he’d left, Orym had kept weaving flowers and vines and honeysuckle through her horns, handing her belladonna when she needed it and thistles when she was mad.

And now, as she stares at her own face in Deanna’s lovely little house, she sees that the edges of Orym’s lovely petals are browning. Fearne doesn’t know how long it takes for flowers to decay, but usually Orym would help her daily, so it wouldn’t get close. But now, well, there’s no Orym, and all her flowers are askew.

She huffs, turning from the mirror, and resolves to ignore it. If she never sees Orym again, well—first, she’ll find whatever made that happen, murder them very harshly, and then she’ll cling to the shriveled carcasses of his flowers.

But it won’t come to that. Obviously. Because she won’t let it.

•

And, of course, the first thing Orym notices once they’re alone in the Spire by Fire is that her flowers are wilting. He smiles, that same halfling smile, the same lovable smile, even with the shadows under and behind his eyes, and leans in conspiratorially.

“Fearnie, you still haven’t figured it out?” Orym chides gently.

“I know how to do it, Orym,” Fearne says softly, “I just—I didn’t want to, without you. You—you do it better, okay? So—so you can’t leave again. Okay? I’d look like a mess. It’d be bad. Mister would start gnawing on my horns without any honeysuckle to snack on.”

“I know, Fearne,” Orym says. “I’m not leaving again. Not if I have anything to say about it. You deserve better.”

And ah. Well. Does she? Does anyone? Isn’t that just how this works, in this stupid dimension? People come into your life and change you and make you care and then they leave, unceremoniously and with ever-broken promises on their lips. At Nana’s, nothing ever changes. Her friends are always there. It’s always colorful and bright and fun.

Why is she still here? If they’re all gonna leave? Why?

And then Orym gently wipes her tears, already forming more vines of honeysuckle and mint sprigs because he knows they’re her favorite and always calm her down when she’s stressed, and she can’t help it. Of course this is why she’s still here. Because he’d miss her, and she’d miss him, and they’re together until the end of the line.

“I’m sorry,” Fearne says mildly, as if tears aren’t streaming down her face almost of their own accord, “I just… I missed you so much.”

“I know, Fearnie,” Orym says, climbing up to press his forehead against hers. He grips her hand tightly. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t be there. I missed you too. And you deserve us.”

“Can we change up my flowers?” Fearne asks. “I have new skirts now.”

“Of course, best friend,” Orym says, smiling brilliantly at her again. “Anything you need.”

“You should get some too, Orym,” Fearne says, trying to hide her damp face. “Color looks good on you.”