#you may also say this is merlin with christianity

[tiodolma]

MerGana and How Their Extremism May Follow Vulgate/Robert de Boron's Good vs. Evil Story

I think making bbcMorgana's first acts in S3 and S4 of saying that it was good that women and children of camelot will die was a fascinating and deliberate choice of making sure she was ireedemable and "evil" in the eyes of the audience.

The framing of bbcMorgana as killer of innocents (even when she was just following bbcMorgause's orders) in juxtaposition of bbcMerlin as vigilante executioner of treasonous criminals makes the audience lean more favorably towards bbcMerlin's extremism.

Writing bbcMorgana as one who takes pleasure in the suffering of others also enabled the producers to makes sure that the audience can forgive bbcMerlin's own crimes because he does it with obvious anguish.

............

Points to consider though:

BbcMorgana was educated for one year that what she was doing was right and justified. Based on her intimate knowledge if the peopleof Camelot, they are all complicit in the deaths of millions of the magic race and their allies. Her extremist training under bbcMorgause amplified that drive to punish all and then rejoice in their downfall. The bbcMorgana who cared for the wellbeing of Camelot already died when she was executed without trial and due cause (basically assassinated) for the sake of the Kingdom. (Remember, hemlock has no antidote)

BbcMerlin's extremism allowed him to bypass laws that even Camelot held dear. But since he does this with anguish, sorrow and burden of destiny/god's will then, he is forgiven and justified by the watchers of his acts even though he usually held the metaphorical gun at point blank range and then called it "self-defense"

............

I would say the merlinbbc show matches with the way The Story of Merlin was written in Robert de Boron tradition and the Vulgate. The clear distinction between good and evil in these classic literature was always "light and dark", "hatred and love."

Commiting heinous acts in "wrath, bitterness and revenge" "and taking pleasure in suffering" was the "work of the devil" "letting the devil into one's heart" (as the case of vulgate!merlin's conception)

And committing heinous acts while in anguish is technically acceptable in the eyes of destiny and the christian god. (As was the case of robertdeboron!merlin assisting in arthur's and ector de maris's conception)

...........

Then there is an argument that the show followed the heavily christian vulgate philosophy of good and evil all along?

That other philosophies and ideas which revolve around good/evil, light/dark, hatred/love being in constant balance should not be applied to the show because classic arthuriana doesnt use them?

..................

Redemption, also leans on the idea of bbcMerlin spreading the "good word" to the others. That the unbelievers will be saved if they join him in backing the One and Only Savior and King. If they don't and if they fight against it then there will be a judgement. It is never the other way around despite the unbelievers also having valid justification. As expected this reflects the highly christian messaging of the classic source material too.

Then if other watchers lean/sympathise more towards the motivations and actions of the "antagonists," "the unbelievers," "members of the old religion that fight against the prophecy" then they are "letting evil prevail" and "you dont understand the objective of the story"

Would it also mean that such antagonist-sympathetic fandom wank are technically not worth rehashing because it would be too rooted in actual historicity/real life instead of the classic arthurian mythology and christian influences that the show was based on?

.............

Anyhow the next time you hear people saying that the merlin bbc writers were stupid and didnt know what they were doing, please reconsider.

[farieshades]

What do you think about Arthurs characterisation and the fact that the show gives him layers and smarts yet he seems to be a royal prat and idiotic more times than not?

Outside Knowledge 

King Arthur is without question the greatest and most heroic figure in English mythology, and a vast medieval cycle of legend and semi-history is built around him. In many works he is a great warrior, never hesitating to lead his army and men into battle. He is an idealistic statesman who constructs many new and different laws. He is very christian in creation and very devoted to the well-being of the kingdom (and the entirety of the UK area of the time). However, in the BBC adaptation, as you have mentioned, he is a 'royal prat and idiotic.’ In some cases this works in humanizing an otherwise very impossible standerd that some (like Alfred Tennyson) authors write Arthur as. 

There are plenty of points where Arthur grows as a person throughout the show, however, when it suited the writers, those aspects vanish and are either relearned or just avoided for an episode or so. Our vision that we see is of a warrior, one who solves problems with conflict, evident from the very first episode. However, many of the problems the audience sees (that is, the things that Merlin is dealing with, we know we are missing plenty of months through episodes and years between seasons at times - times that may have shown a stronger Kingly look at Arthur rather than what the audience gets to see how Merlin sees his King), are subtle and manipulative, the type that won't be fought with swords and shields (something that Arthur has perfected of course, and his knights) but poisoned words and cunning remarks (something that Morgana perfected, and that Gwen and Merlin required to learn quickly).

BBC Merlin humanized Arthur, and I think, oddly enough, humanizing him makes this more a believable character. He gets angry and jealous, he can act silly and idiotic and make bad choices, and while the first season this feels very heavy, the more we see, the more it feels like a front. The snipes to Merlin are teasing, and Merlin is unafraid of doing the same back, so much so that when Merlin doesn't, it signifies something is wrong. 

Characterization

A lot of what drives Arthur, in the early seasons, is courtly behaviour. He feels there is a need to act in a certain way, go on hunts that become less and less as the series continues, be the best knight around (which is quickly squashed by Lancelot, but that's also very much accurate to the lore as well), and this all seems to change early on. Or, the "Wait-Until-My-Father-Hears-About-This" syndrom he had in the first few episodes vanishes very quickly when he sees injustice (namely our wonderful "I can't watch him die.//Then don't look" from The Poisoned Chalice). This Arthur, as opposed to many others, was also raised in royalty, he has known the finer things in life and not much else (unless on patrol). He is raised with servants, and having anything he needs and with not much manners. Then again, he probably wasn't close to any nursemaids and he's definitely not learning etiquette from his father outside of a 'don't-embarrass-me' teachings.

We don't get much of a look at royal (or otherwise) education of the time, but it's to be believed that Merlin learned from Hunith to read and write, suggesting a form of learning in the lower outer border cities which would imply a higher type in the cities. Thus it's likely Arthur had many tutors in many subjects, and while we could make educated guesses, all we really know is "I've been trained to kill since birth" suggesting from a young age that Arthur was being trained as a knight, possibly as young as 7 to begin (7 because this is the typical age that a boy would become a Page while one could become a Squire at 14... although I have no citation on this and am taking someones word at face value, although apparently google says there's currently classes for 5 year olds who want to train with lightsabers so who knows how ages work, I work with younguns and can definitelly see a 4 year old waving a branch around wildly, but maybe a 5 year old with the barest of bones of training... and i've gotten very off topic.). Theoretically, Arthur could have been also taught by Uther's honour guard from as soon as he could hold a sword, though 410-1066AD from when Rome leaves to when Saxons have control, all very unclear. I'd love anyone's knowledge on this!

Arthur is also emotionally stuntted, in my opinion, which doesn't help with the Prat thing, he doesn't express emotion well, and when he does its how he's been shown affection - playful roughhousing with knights - and he also doesn't use words well, especially in the beginning. This does change throughout, well the expressing things softly and kindly, the roughhousing remains in lesser extents. As King, he is a well respected one. His rule appears one of justice and mercy, as one can see with Kara's trial, and honour both in action and word is highly stressed.

[make-me-imagine]

Congratulations for 8k! May I request headcanons for my Shadow and Bone ship, and a drabble for prompt "Fake Dating" for my Merlin ship? Additionally, both of them have male ship preference thank you very much 💖

Age, Sexuality & Pronouns: 21, Biromantic Pansexual and Genderfluid, He/They (I'm a woman irl)

Appearance and Style (Aesthetic): 5'1.5", Messy brunette medium hair, Chubby, Southeast Asian, Feminine Tomboy, Soft Vintage or Soft Grunge (like Malia Tate's style from Teen Wolf) wearing K-beauty makeup

Sign & MBTI: INFJ, Libra-Scorpio cusp, Ravenclaw

Traits: 100% ambivert and anxious person with deep and complex mind who open up so easily and doesn't mind to be too vocal when I have to. May act respectful, modest, serious, and kind to strangers but very chaotic, young-at-heart, talkative, laid-back, snarky, sarcastic, clumsy, stubborn, hopeless romantic, and a procrastinator who swears a lot to people I'm close with. Very stressed mom friend plus acts like a baby in the group most of the time and a lazy big sis possessing anger issues and won't hesitate to hate someone if they say something bad to me or to my family or my friends. Also known to be unashamed to be true to myself, talented and artistic as well, hypersensitive, passionate, determined, and spunky to get what I want.

Likes: making OCs, arts, choir, poetry, karaoke, literature, history, makeup, beauty pageants, random conversations, variety of music (EDM, Kpop, and rock) expanding my knowledge in Christianity, documentaries (about saints), reading interesting stuffs, cooking, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors

Hope you like them!

Ships under cut~

Shadow and Bone:

I ship you with Jesper!

I think Jesper would be drawn to your mixture of chaotic kindness, and your wide-variety of interests.

Runner Up: My initial thought was actually Nina, but since you wanted a male ship, Jesper was an equal choice.

Headcanons:

You and Jesper enjoy nights out doing karaoke, and you often drag along Nina and Inej. Nina will sing, Inej will not. You and Jesper have such good vibes that everyone always enjoys when you come to the bars/clubs, etc.

Jesper was your best friend before you began dating, it was a classic Best-Friends to Lovers evolution.

You were inseparable, and had feelings for each other for a long time, but thought it was one sided until Jesper asked why you were never in any relationships. He saw your avoidance of the question, and began to wonder if you felt the same. He drug the truth out of you, and that was the beginning.

Jesper knows you are hypersensitive, and whenever you start to feel overwhelmed or start to get sensory overload, he will immedietely help you out of the situation. He is very caring and protective of you.

You share similar tastes in music, though you had to warm him up to KPOP originally. So it is often that outsiders will hear music coming from your shared room. As you like to listen to music together, often singing and dancing around.

--------------------------

Merlin:

I ship you with Lancelot

I think Lancelot would be very fond of your diverse personality and interests. He would find you super interesting and would be drawn to you.

Runner Up: Merlin.

---

'Fake Dating'

You and Lancelot made your way into the tavern, hoping they had a spare room for you to sleep in. You were both wary, and exhausted after your long journey. It did not help that you were in a place known to not take kindly of those from Camelot.

"How can I help you two?" The bartender asked, his eyes raking over both of you.

You could feel the eyes of other watching you as well.

"Hello" Lancelot smiled "We were wondering if you had any rooms available for the night?"

"We only have one, but it's for newlyweds."

You felt your heart sink a bit, but it quickly jolted with energy when Lancelot next spoke.

"Oh that's perfect then! Me and my partner here have only recently gotten married!"

You smiled at the bartender and nodded your head, glad your hands were hidden with gloves, so they could not test your lie.

"Where about's are you two from?" The man asked, clearly not too certain of the two of you.

"Weyfield." You both said at the same time, naming a small village far from Camelot and your current location.

The man nodded before reaching under the counter and pulling out a key. Handing it over, he smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes "Congratulations."

"Thanks." You both said before quickly leaving to go find your room.

As you made it to the stairwell, you spoke in a low tone. "So we're married now? Moving a bit fast aren't we?"

Lancelot smiled before he looked over at you "Might be a good time to test the waters."

You hesitated for a moment as he continued to walk. Your heart was beating quickly as your ears burned hot. His words repeated in your head as you continued to follow him.

'Test the waters'. Did that mean he had feelings for you as well?

The thought would not leave your mind as you got closer to your room. As you approached, the sudden thought invaded your mind. 'There's going to be only one bed.'

xx

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Hello, call me Aerith can I have a male matchup for Merlin? (I rewrote my info to make it neat and match me with two characters if you want:))

𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬/𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗦: Biromantic Pansexual and Genderfluid; He/They (though I'm biologically woman irl)

𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘: 20 years old, 5'1", Southeast Asian. Chubby with brunette bob cut hair, chocolate brown eyes, and a small beauty mark on my forehead. My style is in between soft grunge and soft punk (not a big fan of dress except for occasions) but loves to wear Korean makeup style

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬: Muggleborn Ravenclaw with a patronous spirit of Hummingbird, an INFJ (last time I checked at MBTI test), my enneagram is 4w5 and my moral alignment is Neutral Good. I may have a slight introverted tendencies and awkward nature, I describe myself as fiery, swears like a sailor, confident, jokester, and, passionate. Religious, super talkative, sometimes hyper (because of excitement), giggly (I always laugh/snort for stupid reasons), nerdy, actually sweet and nice though I can be aloof, intimidating, and scary when I get so angry. I tend to become really fiesty, stands boldly on what I believe (claiming myself as a realist though some of my views doesn't makes sense), and unbothered to be true to myself, clumsy, stubborn, young-at-heart, unfortunate and inattentive. Would have "no bs" or don't give af towards the people that I hate, sarcasam and savagery is my main language. But on the other side, I overthink a lot and cry over small things many times, small mistakes leads me to provoke me even more that sounds like a drama queen, yet recognizes a soft spot for dumb jokes, cheesy pickup lines and prefer people with a good sense of humour who see myself as equal. Chill in academics, but very competitive that manages to the top even for my dreams---I'm very dedicated on what I want for my life, and I display modesty and gracefulness towards some people that deserves respect. One notable feature about her is her multi-potentiality due to being naturally gifted in artistic fields (this includes singing).

𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗦: Arts, choir, poetry, karaoke, literature, history, makeup, beauty pageants, fun/deep/dumb conversations, expanding my knowledge in Christianity, documentaries (about saints), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦: Drawing, singing, dancing when nobody's around (I'm very bad at it), sharing nerdy or opinionated thoughts, walking like a model (if I ever feel so confident), sleeping, listening to music (from rock to kpop), chatting or browsing on social media, watching videos on YouTube, making terrible jokes/puns, watching cartoons, writing, reading interesting things, and conceptualizing my artworks. I also used to study Italian language a bit

hello hun, ofc you can have a matchup! two for merlin, to go

I ship you with...

Gwaine!

- He’s definitely the most hilarious person you’ve ever met and he loves how you can almost match him with your humour. He’s always there for you and always does his best to distract you when you’re down, especially because he knows you cry easily. I’d say you swear even more than him, which isn’t easy, but every time you’re on one of your “cursing streaks” he’s just ridiculously enamoured by it. 

- Even though he likes having something to do, somehow you can put him at ease no problem and make him relax. Which isn’t to say that he won’t go batshit crazy whenever you sing and dance (he’ll always join in - he doesn’t care if you’re good or bad at dancing, but if you’d like him to, I’m sure he’d teach you). The first time he heard you sing, he was just completely starstruck, and I imagine every time he hears you he still has the biggest grin on his face. 

- He’ll steal your drawings or writing right from under your nose, holding it up high and reading it or looking at it only to compliment how great you are at it. Yeah, he likes to tease you, but he’d never miss an opportunity to tell you how much he loves you and what you do. Also, he’s pretty small in comparison to the other knights, so that you’re even smaller than him he would absolutely take advantage of. He can’t usually keep someone from reaching something just by holding it up high, but he certainly can for you. He knows his limits though. 

- Last but not least he’d definitely let you do his makeup. Like. If you want to try anything, he’ll sit there and let you try it on him. 

also, 

I ship you with... 

Lancelot! 

- Lancelot is literally the sweetest, most caring guy there is. I believe that despite being someone who’s travelled and lived through a lot and doesn’t mind doing the work, he really does enjoy just relaxing with you and doing something like reading. I just have this mental image of simply the two of you cuddling, maybe him kissing your head, as he reads a book and you read yours or you write or you draw... 

- You could also talk about anything and everything with him. First of all, he always is there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, if you’re getting emotional or just need to vent. But in general, he just loves talking to you! He loves hearing about what interests and excites you and he’ll gladly reciprocate. He’s fascinated by how much knowledge you have, how you have no problem accurately discussing things, no matter if they’re silly hypothetical things or actual important issues. 

- Honestly, I feel like Lancelot would really be surprised every time again and just as enamoured by how confident and bold and fierce you are. When you stand up for yourself, when you fight back, he’ll just raise his eyebrows and smile and keep silent while you annihilate whatever person dared to treat you wrong. Like, he’d do it for you because he’s certainly just as angry, he’s fuming inside, but he knows that you’re well able to do it yourself and that you really like to, so he watches you quietly and simply acts as moral support. 

- He, too, would absolutely love to teach you how to dance though. Personally I believe he has had Gwaine teach him before too, because there’s no way this man knew how to dance before he became a knight. But like, now that he can, he’d really like dancing with you as well. 

[covenofom]

Reclaiming the word Warlock

Reclaiming the word Warlock

I personally never understood the whole issue over male Witches using the word Warlock to describe themselves. I personally like the term an I do not see anything wrong with using it whatsoever although their are some who may take offense to the use of the term. I believe that Witchcraft is not a one size fits all way of life and their are many ways to practice it regardless what you may read in most of the modern day books on The Craft. Keep in mind that A CRAFT IS NOT A RELIGION and you can practice the art of Witchcraft without the Gods or Goddesses and I know some who do.

If the word Warlock does mean oath breaker (which I do not think it does) Then the only oath I have broken is my connection with the Christian church and it's teaching because in my opinion their philosophy goes against nature were as I live in harmony with nature. For me the Gods and Goddess are representations of the forces of nature and they appear to us through what Jung called the archetypes of the collective unconscious. I do not believe in a heaven or a hell and if that makes me a traitor against Christian dogma then SO MOTE IT BE.

If woman can reclaim the word WITCH then men can reclaim the word WARLOCK. Why because it represents the male mysteries. My dad use to go hunting every year around deer season, he would disappear for about two weeks and at the time I didn't understand what he was doing but I did enjoy the food he would bring home after the hunt. Later on in life as I began to study Paganism/Witchcraft and the male mysteries, I began to understand that hunting and gathering is part of the male mysteries and if you think you are truly making a connection with nature by living in the big city and never going out to the woods you are sadly mistaken. Hunting is a big part of the male mysteries and it is something that I now embrace. I tried being a vegetarian at one point in my life but after I had a conversation with Ted Nugent I began to eat meat again (thanks Ted).

Note: I will have to tell you guys that story one day.

Most Wiccans hate the term Warlock and never use it which is fine with me because I see Wicca as just another form of Witchcraft and if they choose to not use it then it's their prerogative but their are those within the community that embrace the term.

Here's my definition of a Warlock

1. One who thinks for himself and challenges authority.

2. One who breaks away from traditional dogmas of the church and from dogma that are part of fundamentalist thinking. (That goes for Christians and the magical community as well.)

3. One who explores the male mysteries from Hunting to studying Martial Arts, it's all apart of making a connection with nature.

4. A Warlock is a male Witch

So in closing I believe that no one owns the copyright on the word WITCH or WARLOCK, if you are one or the other claim it, and think for yourself, don't bow down to the thought police because they are not looking out for your best interests anyway.

Love is the Law: Merlin

The Following is from an e-mail I received from MstrMacabre in regards to reclaiming the word Warlock. Enjoy

Hope everyone's Yule was grand!

I'm currently sending the following request to many in the Wiccan/Pagan Community in an effort to not only reclaim the term 'Warlock' for we 'Male Practitioners' (of which I must say has spread over the Internet like the proverbial wildfire these last few years) but also to dispel the rather blatant (in my personal opinion) misrepresented (for far too many years now) term of Warlock.

I present the following excerpts from an article I originally wrote a few years ago (as well as my other friends who have since reclaimed the term 'Warlock') in order to illustrate my point.

RECLAIMING THE WORD WARLOCK!

Much like the term "Wicca" which comes from the root term "Wicce" and means "to bend," or "to shape." NOT "The Wise" or "Wise Ones" that has been continuously circulated around the Metaphysical Community by many misinformed Wiccans and Neo-Pagans for years, the word Warlock has befallen the same gross misrepresentation.

Contrary to current popular belief, it does NOT mean an "Oath-Breaker" in "Scottish" as again many Neo-Pagans and Wiccan's love to tell you (which they get from the Old English and later Colonial Wytch Hunter's jargon) but in fact it is a derivative from the High German word "Ward-lokkur" (BTW...W is pronounced V in german) meaning "Spell-Caster" for Enchanter or Sorcerer, much the same as the German word "Hexen" which just means "Wytch" or the Old English "Wizard!" It is generally applied to a "Male Wytch" who practices some form of Magick usually in the Nature of Conjuration or Sorcery....thus, the reason for it's application as a definition for the Male gendered Witch in "Pop Culture" society today!

As "RuneWolf" says in his article "Warlock: The Other 'W-Word" of which ECHOS my own feelings on the matter...

"Matthew Sandow speculates that what we think of as Witchcraft might originally have involved both Male and Female Mysteries, and that much of what we think of as "Wicca" today descends predominantly from the Female Mysteries. The Male Mysteries, on the other hand, would have had more to do with hunting and warfare, and that the "War" in "Warlock" refers to just that - the Way of the Warrior and the arts of "battle-magic," as exemplified by the ulfhednar and berserkers. This only further enthralls me, as I consider myself to practice a "Warrior" Tradition of the Craft, and have long felt the need for a specific term for "Warrior Witch." Given the possible history of the word, "Warlock" seems to fit that bill quite nicely!

"Warlock" also has a somewhat darker connotation than the now-popular definition of "Witch," and that applies to me as well. The whole issue of what constitutes "Dark Paganism" has been addressed by better writers than I, and whilst I won't rehash any of it here, if you tend to dismiss Dark Paganism as an aberration, I suggest that you do a little research. After all, that's one of the first suggestions we make to Christians who try to inflict their stereotypes and misconceptions on us.

And finally, I have to admit to a little rebelliousness in choosing to be known as a Warlock. In many ways it's just my way of saying, "Go ahead - tell me I can't." My personal definition of "Warlock" could be summed up as "Male Witch - With Attitude." It has its own, in-your-face kind of mystique that I find endearing.

Many years ago, my teacher gave me some good advice, and that was to use anything in the practice of my Craft that helped me to "feel Witchier." Ironically, "Warlock" does that for me. " ---RuneWolf.

at April 26, 2009 

From: The Necroblogmicon a collection of essays written by MerlinRavenSong. Necroblogmicon Blog

[side-b-bumblebi]

Hi all!! I'm new here, so I'll try to make an intro post.

I'm a Catholic convert and I've been questioning my sexuality on and off for at least three or four years. I tried to just not question and to be straight and if I'm honest, it's still hard for me to admit to even myself that I'm not straight, but I also think that when I've felt the way I have about girls and when I've been questioning for years, there's probably a reason for that!

I do have a bit of imposter syndrome when it comes to it still and I don't know how long it'll take me to get over that or if I ever will. I keep feeling like it's all just a "phase" because there have been periods where I didn't think about my sexuality as much, even though that's pretty normal for me to do with anything. If I think less about being Italian-American one day than another, I'm not less Italian-American that day. I keep searching for evidence that I'm making this all up for attention, such as the fact that I've had more crushes on guys than girls, which isn't really how anything works, but brains just hate us amirite?

(I mean, if I AM making this up for attention, I'm doing a pretty crappy job considering in three or four years of questioning the only person I've told is my mom.)

I feel like a bad person because of this chance that I might be straight, but I'm trying to be kinder to myself about this. Even if I WAS straight, I wouldn't be a bad person for being wrong. I guess I have a hard time grappling with the idea that I'm the only one who gets to say if I'm bisexual or not — I've always struggled with a huge need for external validation on things that I really need to decide for myself and I'm still working on that.

I'm Side B, which means that I only date guys, as I do want to marry in a Catholic ceremony. I think the first crush I ever had on a girl was Katie McGrath, who plays Morgana Pendragon on Merlin and Lena Luther on Supergirl. It took me years to register this as a crush lol. It didn't occur to me that that very particular feeling I got when she was on the screen was the same feeling I got when I watched Tom Hiddleston in Thor or The Hollow Crown.

I guess one of the biggest struggles is the loneliness. I've had some pretty negative conversations with other Christians on LGBT topics and I'm scared to open up to other Christians now. I'm scared that they'll see me differently, that they'll automatically assume that me being nice is some sign of a crush, that they'll deem my very existence sinful.

On the other hand, I'm also scared to tell my LGBT friends. The idea that they might pity me and think I'm brainwashed or — worse still — that they might get the idea that I don't love or accept them is too much for me. The idea of hurting someone I love like that just doesn't feel worth it.

(Side note: To any LGBT people who may be reading this who aren't Side B — please don't think that this means I will judge you or hate you! I will always advocate for LGBT people to have equal rights and be treated with respect and dignity. You are SO loved and I hope you are having a lovely day!)

So yeah, I suppose this is the first time I'm being open about this to anyone who isn't my mom? It feels weird being vulnerable in this way with people on the internet when I don't feel comfortable telling people I know well, but that's just the crazy world we're living in! It also feels scary and I keep having that voice in my head telling me that I'm just doing this for attention and that I'm just a straight girl who wants to be special, but it's also getting lonely having all these thoughts stuck in my head with nobody to turn to with them. (My mom is a QUEEN and I am so thankful for her, but I'd also like to talk to people who maybe get it a bit more.)

I was pretty lucky. I didn't grow up in so much of a bubble that I thought being into girls would automatically make my whole life one giant sin. I had lots of people in my life who respected the LGBT community and showed me the unfairness in the way they've been treated. But I still think of hurtful things I've heard and it still makes me want to cry sometimes. And if I feel lonely, maybe some of you do too — and maybe I can also help you find the community I've longed for. :)

NOTE: I have no preference between SSA and LGBT terms. Personally, I will use the term "bisexual" since I think it's more specific than SSA, but I don't really think it matters that much! Everyone has different perspectives and I will respect your desires either way. <3

[a-study-in-dante]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you’d like to know better!

Thank you @lithugraph for the tag, it sounds fun!

What book are you currently reading?

Hu, make it plural. I've been struggling to find time and motivation to read, so I've been blocked at page 75 of Babel by RF Kuang for over a month. Did it stop me from buying and starting Ondaatje's The English Patient yesterday? Not at all.

What’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

I think the only movie I saw in theater this year was... Top Gun: Maverick. It was pretty good but mostly for the Easter eggs of the first movie (I'm weirdly obsessed with it for some reasons).

What do you usually wear?

Jeans, usually in darker shades of blue, and whatever top is appropriate for the season (or not). With Vans sneakers and a trenchcoat.

How tall are you?

168 cm. Or 5'6'' as I recently found out!

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? 

I'm an Aquarius. I know that my birthday is the end date of the Franco-Prussian war of 1870-1 (the weird thing you learn when writing Hetalia fanfics). It apparently also is Tommy Ramone's, Oprah Winfrey's and Adam Lambert's birthdays!

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

Most of my friends call me by a nickname, to the point where it actually feels weird/deadly serious when they use my full name. My family also has a nickname for me, that I used to like but doesn't fit me anymore (because I grew up and when they use it it feels like they still see me as a child). Otherwise, I go by my full name.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Uh I don't even know.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

Not in a relationship, and too many dormant crushes to count or pick one.

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

Not that good at picking a thing I'm good at and one thing I'm bad at, apparently

Dogs or cats?

cats!

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

Ah. From Patria I guess? (A Spamano - Hetalia fanfic I picked up recently but has been on and off updated since 2018 on ff.net)

"Revenir à la réalité ne veut pas dire qu’il faut abandonner tout moment de rêve. Je ne serais pas dans la Revolución si je ne croyais pas qu’il y a sa place." (Coming back to reality doesn't mean we need to give up on every piece of dream. I wouldn't have joined the Revolución if I didn't believe dream belonged in it.)

It's cheesy af I know and that tells you a lot about my writing year T-T

What’s something you would like to create content for?

If only I could finally bring myself to write those Bagginshield (The Hobbit- movies) and Stucky (MCU) fanfics T-T

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with? 

Since I assume my PhD doesn't count (I'm not that obsessed with it anyway) I guess you could say BBC Merlin (ten years too late I know but ah)

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

men *coughs* It's been a pretty good year actually! I've traveled more than ever before, although being on my own is great, it may not be the most fun way to travel (it definitely has its perks though and I loved it) but summer i.g. july and august did not disappoint in being their usual disappointing selves. Not much happening, mostly working, not doing exciting things as much as I'd have wanted to, etc.

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Drinking lots of coffee with no physical effects whatsoever.

Are you religious?     

No. I was raised as a Christian (baptized and attended catholic school, though for very practical reason - more accessible from my home and better level of education) but by the time I was old enough to have my opinion on it religion was no longer part of my education. I know it's still deeply rooted in the cultures I'm evolving in though, and the history I 'claim' as my own. I admire churches as I do works of art. And I appreciate the religious diversity of the world, and freedom of religion is a value dear to my heart.

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

A cute lumberjack shirt I saw a few weeks ago but didn't buy because it was expensive huhu and a reading routine!

Tagging (if you're keen!) @linguadesk

@frenchiepal

@marie-curie

@learnelle

@oeuryale-study

No pressure!

[my-secret-shame]

Heya! Aerith here, and congratulations for your followers milestone!! May I join your game too? 🔮 Thank you very much 💓

🔮-> Let The Fates Decide! : Using a random generator I’ll find out who your fictional soulmate is & where you meet (please let me know if you have any specific preferences)

Preference: Male

Age, Sexuality & Pronouns: 21, Biromantic Pansexual and Genderfluid, He/They (I'm a woman irl)

Appearance and Style (Aesthetic): 5'1.5",Messy brunette medium hair, Chubby, Southeast Asian, Feminine Tomboy, Soft Vintage or Soft Grunge (like Malia Tate's style from Teen Wolf) wearing K-beauty makeup

Sign & MBTI: INFJ, Libra-Scorpio cusp, Slytherin

Traits: 100% ambivert and anxious person with deep and complex mind who open up so easily and doesn't mind to be too vocal when I have to. May act respectful, modest, serious, and kind to strangers but very chaotic, young-at-heart, talkative, laid-back, snarky, sarcastic, clumsy, stubborn, hopeless romantic, and a procrastinator who swears a lot to people I'm close with. Very stressed mom friend plus acts like a baby in the group most of the time and a lazy big sis possessing anger issues and won't hesitate to hate someone if they say something bad to me or to my family or my friends. Also known to be unashamed to be true to myself, talented and artistic as well, hypersensitive, passionate, determined, and spunky to get what I want.

Likes: making OCs, arts, choir, poetry, karaoke, literature, history, makeup, beauty pageants, random conversations, variety of music (EDM, Kpop, and rock) expanding my knowledge in Christianity, documentaries (about saints), reading interesting stuff, cooking, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors

🔮THE FATES HAVE DESCIDED🔮

Your soulmate is: Merlin

And you met: at the Fire station

Just having a good old chin wag with the Fates via the stars and they are telling me this:

So in present day, Merlin is still keeping a guard and waiting for the day that Arthur comes back from Avalon.

He's been trying to help out everyday people however he can in the meantime. One of the things he does regularly is casting a few spells (nothing too flashy) on fire engines, insuring that they always reach their destination on time and people aren't hurt.

You run into him one morning, while he is just outside casting.

At first you think he's one of those people that just follow fire engines around, then a fire fighter on his first day who is nervous to come in. After a bit of confusion you both break out laughing.

Thank you so much!

My Secret Shame's Little Party

[merdragoon]

Will you tell me about Christian Drosselmeyer? 17, 20, 25 & 37

ooo, this one is forcing me to think xD Since this Christian Drosslmeyer is actually a Native War Mage from Hinsay whom moved to Earth by going through the Otherworld, I have to truly think what makes this man tick now. 17: Irrational Fears- He has a lot of ligitamte and Rational fears having lived through many wars in Hinsay as a world and dealing with the Fae on a daily when he was younger. But also he knows his Atomatons he created years ago could be used against people if the Mouse Queen got her hands on them... But Irrational? Hmmm Maybe being turned into a toad by Elder Jock since that happened when they used to be students at the Castle of Dracion and almost got eatten by a reeter hognose snake. 20: That he's afraid of being turned into a toad? xD All joking aside, I think would be that he knows Elder Jock and Druid Merlin since they were kids. All three are ancient men, but Christian was the one seprated by them for the longest due to going to a different world that is on the other side of the Otherworld/Underworld. 25: Hard to say. He's like a doting grandfather, but he also has a lot of secrets himself due to his life and thinks what's best for Clara is to keep those secrets and her memories away from her. I think I would only enjoy his company in smaller doses due to how he is personality wise. 37: Oooooohhh yeah. Too many to count. But the biggest few are: Queen Mousirinks for thrawting her curse on Princess Parlipat; The Pied Piper (yes, a literal god of the Bard Druids) for being the one to have handled the "Mice" Fae infestation of Hamlin; and he may have pissed of a rather powerful Winter Kelpie for being a bit too cocky in a particular war he was employed in when he was younger and disrespected him.

[onceafk]

Facts about this portrayal of Arthur in his own 'verse:

Arthur is 6 feet tall, broad-shouldered, and athletic with some muscles. He has some scarring on his torso, arms, and legs from battle and tournaments and such but it's very light. He also has a few on his head that are hidden by his hair.

At best, he is honorable and very trusting. At worst, he can be a stubborn, hot-headed, prat.

He speaks the Old English of his era and may know other languages.

He may be uneasy around magic but can be taught not to fear it.

This version is a Biromantic Bisexual Cisgender man who is usually either very much in the closet or has not explored his identity. His only pronouns are he/him. He's got a big heart, behind any facades he tries to put up, and gets a little touch starved. His father may be the reason he can be stand-offish.

He is neutral to positive towards the LGBT+ but may need some explanations of terms if he doesn't know them.

He wants love but waits for the right person: kind but also honest and spirited. He admires bravery and he likes those who challenge him. He was taught about what he would happen on his wedding night but he'd remain a virgin until then, only going so far as making out.

Arthur follows the New Religion, a mix of Celtic Paganism and Christianity that includes monotheistic worship of a god, angels, and holidays that celebrate the seasons like Beltane.

He is shy around most women and some men but is fine with being completely naked around his manservant, his physician, and possibly his knights. He has to trust the person or be in specific circumstances such as getting medical attention.

He usually goes to sleep shirtless and in trousers.

He has/appears to have trouble putting his clothes on properly. Doing his buckles on parts of his armor gets tricky too. Even so, he does pay attention to his appearance, especially when he has reason to want to look good. This may be due to anything from past concussions, the way he was raised, a genetic thing, or that he likes being tended to.

He respects rank/class but will not tolerate unfairness or abuses. This general rule may apply even to his father, if Uther goes too far and is unable to keep Arthur under his thumb.

He hates the thought of anyone dying for, or because of, him and will put himself in harms way to prevent that.

He regards Gaius as an honorary uncle, even if he doesn't say it aloud. The Court Physician delivered him during his birth had a hand in raising him. He trusts him completely.

He thinks of Morgana as a sister, whether or not he knows they are actual half-siblings, and will treat her accordingly. He is not attracted to her at all.

He shares a connection with Merlin, though he may not realize or fully understand it. They are two sides of the same coin, practically soulmates. Though he has his fun playing with Merlin, Arthur truly does think the best of him.

He also has an impression of his mother, like an imprint of her spirit, as he was created mostly from her.

He secretly thinks Lancelot is a better person than him overall, despite Lancelot lying about his heritage.

He loves dogs and horses but is hesitant to form bonds with other animals unless he is sure he's not going to be eating them or making them into trophies. If they're just pets, it's more likely he'll warm up to them.

Not only is he an accomplished knight, practically the best in Camelot, but he makes a decent diplomat. He is more a tactician than a strategist, because of what he's used to, but he tries his best.

He has an idea of what PTSD is ("horrifying memories"/"harrowing past experiences") and what triggers are ("things that remind you of terrible things that happened"), but may not know them by those terms. He has some PTSD himself.

As a child, he would spar with his father for fun and practice. Uther taught him how to do the sword spinning thing. He would also tell him stories. A lot of those stories were of accomplishments of Uther's.

[iregreteverything19]

*kinda* more accurate merlin era fashion

[lord-of-christmas-lights]

I swear I have normal Narnia headcanons. However, none of them are featured in this post.

So! If you've been following my series of posts about my Inhuman Narnia AU and the couple of oneshots I posted on ao3 under ASkyOfKai, you've probably noticed that in this little universe I've created, Narnia is sort of...sentient. And I've just realized that I've only actually gone into depth about this on Discord with my friends who are probably very tired of hearing about it. So I'm making y'all suffer through it instead. Welcome to Inhuman Narnia 101, please take your seats because this is going to take a while.

Warning for religious themes, theological discussion, and some dark fantasy/inhuman/body horror concepts that involve blood and physical changes.

BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING: Please keep in mind that an AU is meant to be an alternate universe that may not follow canon information. If anything in this post contradicts canon on the creation of Narnia (it undoubtedly will), pay it no mind, this is an AU. It doesn't have to follow canon.

First off, a little explanation of the Inhuman Narnia AU in general. Basically I came up with this AU after seeing some other people on tumblr post about the Pevensies being not quite human after their time in Narnia. Just eerie, cryptid, a bit of dark fantasy kinda stuff. And I was like, "I'm in love, sign me up, I have ideas." I did not sit down and develop this all at once. The worldbuilding I've done for it has come slowly over the past few weeks through posts, fanfics, and discord rambles. The idea of Narnia being a sentient earth deity of sorts is a recent one and there is already so much to it. (Also I call her Narnia because it's convenient, she has other names but I haven't bothered to like, actually make any up so Narnia is what she's called.)

The most important thing to note starting off is that Narnia is not supposed to be a replacement for Aslan, nor is she necessarily "the hero to his villain". Aslan and I have an interesting relationship, as he is literally God/Jesus/The Holy Spirit/etc and I no longer really identify as Christian. While there are times that Aslan definitely takes a more antagonistic route in my writings, I don't actually see him as a bad guy, nor as a good guy. As God, he literally removed from our concepts of good and evil (in my opinion). The same goes for Narnia being an earth deity. I am a Christian-raised pagan, and I definitely subscribe to the idea that gods and deities are not subject to humanity and our rules. Narnia is not a good goddess, she is not a bad goddess, she simply is a goddess. Plain and simple. The dichotomy that exists between Narnia and Aslan in my writing is generally that of opposing deities, but this isn't a hard and fast rule. There were and still are times when they're friends, working towards the same goals. There are times when Narnia's power is stronger than Aslan's and times when Aslan's power is stronger than hers. There is no simple 1:1 comparison between them.

So, getting into motivations and why Narnia as a deity even exists. Essentially, I asked the question, "How do the Pevensies become inhuman?" and voila earth deity Narnia was born. Now, the basic in-universe mythology I've worked out is that Narnia and Aslan are two deities from separate dimensions that came together to create a new world, the world of Narnia. Aslan is the one who oversees things, he's the one who comes up with the ideas, and he's a little less attached to the world as a whole because he's a Creator, not an earth deity. Narnia is, however, and she literally makes up the world, she sort of runs the entire thing on a physical level, and she is much more attached to it. So she's always kinda taken on this role of making the things in her world the way she wants them. For the most part, she and Aslan designed everything together and they're both happy with it blah blah blah. Well, Aslan then decides to bring a few humans from this other world he's created to Narnia. And she affects them a bit (I've got headcanons about Digory and Polly that I haven't posted anywhere yet but I might soon), but it isn't until Aslan brings the Pevensies over that she really gets to experiment. See, there are other deities in the world that kinda rule over the various lands on a surface level (patron gods for Telmar, the Archenlands, etc, they just have less power than Narnia and Aslan) so she has a little less power over the people in those places, but the country of Narnia is both her land and her so when the Pevensies become the Kings and Queens and live there for 15 years, she's very connected to them. And it's through this connection that she starts to affect them. Honestly, I'm not sure if Narnia even knows what she's doing when she starts stripping away their humanity. I think it's that she can feel they're not from her world and she doesn't like that. She wants them to be a part of her, she wants them to belong in her world just the same as everyone else. (Side note—I know Telmar and some other lands in canon are based on people finding portals and coming through and I'd like to say that she does affect them a bit, takes away a bit of their humanity, but it's not to the same extent as the Kings and Queens of her lands).

"So Kai," you might say, "You keep empathizing that she is literally the land and the land is her. What the hell do you mean by that?" Well, essentially, she is...the...land. Basically if you've read Percy Jackson Heroes of Olympus, there's this idea that Gaia and Tartarus are both physically their domains and able to take on a smaller, human shaped physical form because they're gods and not restricted by human ideas of only having one body. Narnia is the same. Her physical form is both the entire world and whatever smaller shape she might appear in to people. However, we have to acknowledge that their world is differently structurally from ours. There's magic, there's talking animals, and in my Inhuman AU, there is a literal Heart of Narnia at the center. Like a physical, beating, human-shaped heart. Except it's a lot bigger than a regular human heart. Also it's golden. And many many many miles underground. So anyways this is where she's centered. It's basically where her soul is. Probably under Cair Paravel because I just came up with that idea and I love it. And radiating out from it are veins of magic and blood, and these stretch all across the world. Now here is where we get into blood magic and some of those fun terrifying concepts I've come up with.

Narnia has her own blood, of course, but also whenever one of her Kings or Queens bleeds in battle, she kinda pulls it down through the earth into her own heart and veins. It doesn't really do anything to her or them in particular, it's just a fun side effect of them having a patron pagan god. Yes this includes Caspian after he becomes King. Also Peter's blood turns golden because he's the High King, and then later Caspian's does too because I just really like imagery of Ben Barnes bleeding gold. (Side note—when Peter returns to England, his blood goes back to red, but it does remain a brighter red than blood generally is).

Diverting for half a second here. Now, in both my regular Narnia writings and my Inhuman AU, Lucy is very very connected to magic. In my regular Narnia fanfic, she studies with the druids, who are sort of like BBC Merlin's druids. They're just like, chill dudes who run around in camps doing magic and making prophecies and shit. However, in the Inhuman AU, they are a lot darker. One of my favorite ideas with the Inhuman druids and Lucy is that they are so connected to Narnia's magic and her Heart that their hands become stained with blood. Is it their blood, is it Narnia's blood, is it someone else's blood? Idk, don't ask questions. But yea, their hands are permanently stained reddish-brown to almost black. In my regular Narnia stuff, I still like the idea of Lucy's hands being stained and go with just earth magic, dirt stuff for the reason why. But yea no, in the Inhuman AU her hands are stained with blood because of blood magic.

So getting a bit more into how Narnia affects the Pevensies now because I love talking about this lol. She doesn't consciously chose how to change them, though she does call them her creations. Generally the way her magic affects them is by connecting them to to the land in some way and bringing out certain traits they have. So for Peter it's his eyes flickering between regular blue and the amber of a lion's, feathers appearing on his back that grow into wings, having a strength greater than that of a giant's. His blood is golden and on clear nights, the Aurora Borealis in the sky is reflected across his skin. For Susan, her skin glints like glass in the sun and she can briefly glimpse the future. Her wounds are sewn shut with golden rays of light, her eyes are cracked but clear, and she seems to glow faintly in the night, a bit of the sun's radiance shining through her. Edmund has a bit of a star's power lodged in his throat, and can manipulate words, uses them to influence people and their actions. His skin is frostbitten in places, a side effect of ruling the Woods where the White Witch once held so much power, and in some spots his bones shine under the ice that spreads across his skin. Lucy has the stained skin from her stronger connection to magic, and when she speaks words from the Old Language (the one Aslan and Narnia used to shape the world itself), her voice echoes and rasps. Her teeth are too sharp, her smile too wide, and when she disappears underwater, she can stay for hours without surfacing. I want to get into Eustace and Caspian now too but this post is already extremely long and I've still got a bit to cover, so we're just sticking with the Pevensies for now. So yea, Narnia doesn't pick what she does to the Pevensies, she just connects herself to them and through that connection, they change. The magic that she is made of, that Narnia the world operates on, that's what changes them. However, as I stated already, she does call them her creations and feels extremely responsible for them.

Wrapping back around up to the beginning, this is the biggest source of conflict between her and Aslan as of the canon timeline. I like to believe that the lamppost incident was an accident, that Aslan didn't actually mean to send them back at the end of LWW and it was pure coincidence, wrong place wrong time stuff. That being said, it did happen and Narnia really didn't like it happening. The Pevensies did return to their (mostly) human selves in this AU in England, so when they came back in Prince Caspian, she felt disconnected from them again. She reacted to this by digging into them even harder on a spiritual level and essentially speedran them back to being inhuman throughout the timeline of PC, which generally takes place over a few months in my mind. I don't remember how long it was in the book, it's been quite a while since I read them, but it's only like a week in the movie and like eff that, overthrowing a kingdom takes a bit longer in my opinion. Now there are a few divergences here. 1. They all stay at the end of PC and yea that's it, they go back to being Kings and Queens and it's like a second Golden Age but with Caspian there as well. 2. Susan and Peter stay, Lucy and Edmund go back and it's a repeat of the human/inhumanity cycle for them + Eustace in VOTDT and then they stay. 3. Everything happens exactly as it does in canon and it's a constant cycle of humanity/inhumanity with the character's various trips and finally ends at The Last Battle. I like all versions and I tend to leave things a little open to the reader on what exactly happens, or I would if I could actually finish some of my drafts and post them. As you can imagine, Narnia likes 1 the best and 3 the least. She really wants her Kings and Queens to stay and rule her lands and like be awesome and stuff. However, Aslan prefers 3 the best and 1 the least. So again, neither of them is really good nor evil, they just have differing opinions on how the world should be run and what the Pevensie's fates should be. I do tend to side with Narnia, I really like exploring these concepts of inhumanity, but I also really like the concept of a cycle. That's very common in mythology.

So anyways, that's a bit of an overview on earth deity Narnia and her role in my Inhuman AU. If you made it this far, congratulations, and I give you explicit permission to use any of my ideas in your own writing/fanart/whatever, as long as you tag either my tumblr or my ao3 (lord-of-christmas-lights and ASkyOfKai) because I need more Narnia+Inhumanity content in my life. Thanks for reading all this and I'll probably be back very soon with elaboration on Eustace and Caspian's inhumanity!

- Kai

[moriaen]

 ok the tolkien arthuriana post bc i kept saying i’d make it

background/overview

huh so he was actually a lot less inspired by arthurian legend than i initially thought and kind of denied its influence;

his main problem with arthurian legend was that it was not actually british: “Of course there was and is all the Arthurian world, but powerful as it is, it is imperfectly naturalized, associated with the soil of Britain but not with English; and does not replace what I felt to be missing. For one thing its 'faerie' is too lavish, and fantastical, incoherent and repetitive. For another and more important thing: it is involved in, and explicitly contains the Christian religion.” [letter 131]

he mostly wanted something that was uniquely british, mythological and actual concise storytelling but considering arthurian legend is a bit of a hodge-podge and was spread all across europe (and even further) it was decidedly not that (honestly “fantastical, incoherent and repetitive” is a very fitting description for arthurian legend as a whole--) 

he also found the characters like arthur to be too idealised and over-powered

but still you can draw a lot of parallels and have fun there: there’s gandalf as merlin, galadriel as the lady of the lake, aragorn as arthur, etc.

but generally, having interacted and influenced by medieval and european literature, interaction with arthurian legend would have been inevitable whether or not he particularly liked it

sources?/further reading? (a lot on parallels if you’re interested in that): wikipedia on tolkien’s influences, arthurian influence on lord of the rings by daniel nozick, the letters of j.r.r tolkien, interrupted music, the making of tolkien’s mythology by verlyn flieger, aragorn and the arthurian myth by pascual mondéjar, gandalf and merlin: j.r.r. tolkien’s adoption and transformation of a literary tradition by frank p. riga, galadriel and morgan le fey: tolkien's redemption of the lady of the lacuna by susan carter,

and with that done, onto:

works!

sir gawain and the green knight

sir gawain and the green knight (1925) scholarly edition (i.e. middle english) edited by tolkien & e.v. gordon

(this is also what they had to say about the gawain poet:)

He was a man of serious and devout mind, though not without humour; he had an interest in theology, and some knowledge of it, though an amateur knowledge perhaps, rather than a professional; he had Latin and French and was well enough read in French books, both romantic and instructive; but his home was in the West Midlands of England; so much his language shows, and his metre, and his scenery...

sir gawain and the green knight - translation

sir gawain and the green knight, pearl & sir orfeo - edited by christopher tolkien  

original work

the fall of arthur (written c.1930s; published 2013) - unfinished epic poem, edited by christopher tolkien

other??

a middle english reader (1922) - it’s tough to know where to really draw the line between arthurian legend & medieval literature because of how entwined they are but for intents and purposes enjoy this; it’s a glossary of medieval english :-)

the red book of westmarch (fictional hobbit manuscript) may be based on the red book of hergest (featuring the mabinogion -- for which alan lee also did some illustrations for!!)

and that’s more or less it. now enjoy some various quotes vaguely pertaining to arthuriana because i combed through his letters for this

But the feats of arms in (say) Arthurian Romance, or romances attached to that great centre of imagination, do not need to 'fit into a politically purposive pattern'. So it was in the earlier Arthurian traditions. Or at least this thread of primitive but powerful imagination was an important element in them. [183]

I actively disliked [C.S.L’s] Arthurian-Byzantine mythology; and still think that it spoiled the trilogy of C.S.L. (a very impressionable, too impressionable, man) in the last pan. [259]

But his own mythology (incipient and never fully realized) was quite different. It was at any rate broken to bits before it became coherent by contact with C. S. Williams and his 'Arthurian' stuff – which happened between Perelandra and That Hideous Strength. A pity, I think. But then I was and remain wholly unsympathetic to Williams' mind. [276]

You can (if you wish) shove in 'Arthur'* on some other date, when you are recovered fully. *=presumably a lecture on arthurian legend [48]

most of which are actually in the context of c.s. lewis who probably had a stronger connection to arthurian legend if this is anything to go by however i have never read anything by him so. erm. tolkien arthuriana post over. here’s the lord of the rings. ok bye thanks for reading

[epic-sorcerer]

Merlin would have been so much more gay if the writers stayed true to Celtic paganism(the historicaly accurate “old religion”)

Trigger warnings:

Main triggers: talk of sex, homophobia, religion, Catholics, colonization, anti Celtic, murder

Mention triggers: rape and sexual assault, creepy men, gore, insest, toxic masculinity

I will mark the sections with quick triggers with 2 red lines. Below the second one is when the trigger is gone.

_____________

I am posting this on December 21st, as today is the Winter Solstice, a Celtic Pagan holiday. It will be posted at 3:33 PM, as 3 is a sacred number among the celts. Because of the special occasion, I will be speaking on a subject that was important to many of them—homosexuality.

Some stuff first for introductions. Yes, yes, I know this may be boring but it helps with context. This religion didn’t have a name other than Celtic pagan or Celtic religion bc it seams everyone there believed it. This was until the Roman Empire concurred what is now the UK. Since Rome had adopted Christianity—more specifically, Roman Catholocism—they only allowed that religion to be practiced.

———(genocide)——

Once England was concurred in 43 A.D, the pagans were killed and their religion was surpressed. Not much is known about the pagans for this reason. However, we do know somethings from what the Romans have written down. Although, it is biased, as they believed the celts to be barbaric and also didn’t wright much about women.

——gore ——

First, we know they preformed human sacrifice on kings when the kingdom suffered along with some other groups.This could be from bad ruling to really bad weather. These kings died horribly, as they seamed to be stabbed multiple times, had thier nipples cut off, and left to die in a bog.

They had thier nipples cut off because the subjects would suck on the kings’ nipples to demonstrate submission, so cutting them off would fully dethrone the king.

—————

Now, background over. Here’s where it gets good.

Nipple sucking between too lovers or ‘special friends’ was seen as a preclemation of love, physical intimacy, and sexual expression. This, like other types of sex, was seen as something beutiful and sacred. Often, male soldiers would have these ‘special friend’ relationships with many fellow soldiers in groups. The Romans even observed that Celtic men seamed to prefer other males for love/sexual interest over women.

Nipple sucking was mostly described was between two men. Although, we must recognize that women may have been left out of written history. I would also like to point out, this may prove that aromantic people existed in that time, as these ‘special friends’ had sex and were not mentioned to be romantically involved.

The celts were known for their sex positivity and even eroticism because they loved it so much.This is one of the reasons why the pagans and the Chatholics clashed so badly.

Before the Romans really took over, Saint Patrick—yes, the Saint Patrick—started to try to convert the celts into Roman catholosim. He was appalled at the wide acceptance of polyamory(women were aloud to marry however many people they wanted) and homosexual relationships/marriages. Not to mention the celts could have sex with any one at any time as long as it is consensual.

——(Tw creepy men)——

That means no waiting til marriage, unless a Celtic chose to do so. Although we should take into consideration a statement made by Diodorus Siculus, an antient Greek historian, that “the young men will offer themselves to strangers and are insulted if the offer is refused.” In his series Bibliotheca historica. This could mean that either creepy men were comman place, or that homosexuality was so comman and done with everyone, it was wierd to be rejected.

————

Getting back to the Roman Catholics, the book Sextus Empiricus is published in the early 3th century and states,

“...amongst the Persians it is the habit to indulge in intercourse with males, but amongst the Romans it is forbidden by law to do so...”

It also goes on to say,

“...amongst us sodomy is regarded as shameful or rather illegal, but by the Germanic they say, it is not looked on as shameful but as a customary thing.”

For clarification, Germany is apart of Celtic society. So what we can infer is a very serious culture shock in terms of Rome and other places. During Emporor Serverus Alexander’s reign, openly homosexuals were deported.

In early 4th century, Emporor Constaine—the first Christian Roman Emperor—destroyed an Egyptian temple populated exclusively by femme, gay, pagan, priests. The Emproror then went on to eradicate all of them. However in 337 A.D., 3 emperors ruled, including Constantius II and Constans I, who where both in mlm relationships.

An odd thing these emporors went on to do was criminalize male bottoming during mlw sex 342 A.D.. 8 years later, Emperors Valentinian II, Theodosius I, and Arcadius ferther punished this act by killing these men by Public burning at the stake.

———(Tw toxic masculinity)———

I believe this was because masculinity was very important and a man acting in a more feminine role was seen as emasculating and humiliating. For the average man, he had to fight and defend his masculinity. Not doing so was seen as a personal failure.

——————

The last ever known peice of European literature containing a positive representation of homosexuality for 1,000 years was a large epic poem by Nonnus of Panopolis. It was titled Dionysiaca and the first part was published in 390 A.D., the last in 405 A.D..

So yeah, The catholics were very selective in terms of sex. One can only imagine how badly the celts and Catholics clashed. Back to 435 A. D., Saint Patrick began to preach Catholism and around that time wrote in his Confessio. He recounted that he found a boat to get out of Ireland and refused to suck on the nipples of those aboard.

“And on the same day that I arrived, the ship was setting out from the place, and I said that I had the wherewithal to sail with them; and the steersman was displeased and replied in anger, sharply: ‘By no means attempt to go with us.’ Hearing this I left them to go to the hut where I was staying, and on the way I began to pray, and before the prayer was finished I heard one of them shouting loudly after me: ‘Come quickly because the men are calling you.’ And immediately I went back to them and they started to say to me: ‘Come, because we are admitting you out of good faith; make friendship with us in any way you wish.’ (And so, on that day, I refused to suck the breasts of these men from fear of God, but nevertheless I had hopes that they would come to faith in Jesus Christ, because they were barbarians.) And for this I continued with them, and forthwith we put to sea.”

—(Tw very mild rape/sex assault mention—

So, as you can see, Celtic and Catholic ways clashed horribly. Something seen as good and sacred to the indigenous tribes was seen as barbaric and sinful to Saint Patrick. Also, don’t worry, the celts did not press the issue ferther, or else this would be a very different story.

—————

This only snowballed into a much bigger issue much later in medival English sexuality. They were VERY picky on what sex was aloud. Missionary was the only aloud position and it has to be the least pleasurable as possible. Making out and masturbation wasn’t aloud either, as that was also seen as a sin. Here’s a low Rez chart to help figure out when sex was okay.

While we are discussing such a queer topic, I would like to bring up the topic of Anam Cara, or Soul Friends in Antient Celtic culture. A Soul Friend was a word used to describe a Philosophy in which one is not completely whole without thier “other half.” This person can be in a platonic, romantic, or familiar kind of love. Really, all it boils down to is that 2 poeple were made to be together since the beginning of time and will be at thier strongest when they become companions.

There is a Celtic legend that seams to depict a mlm Anam Cara relationship. It tells the story of Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, two male worriors who have known and loved each other a long time. But they must kill each other in a duel. Both are vary reluctant, as at least one of them will have to die.

————(Tw insest)———

Before I go on, it is important to mention there is a lot of debate on wether or not this is homosexual. Mainly because they were foster brothers, but since insest wasn’t as much of a taboo, I do not think this would be as much of a set back as it is today.

—————

They had tried to kill each other each day for 3 days, but they ended up hugging each other and kissing 3 times. On the fourth day, however, Cuchulainn killed Ferdiad. The man then holds Ferdiad in his arms and sings peoms for a long time. Here are some:

“We were heart-companions once,

We were comrades in the woods,

We were men that shared a bed

When we slept the heavy sleep

After hard and weary fights.

Into many lands, so strange,

And side by side we sallied forth

And we ranged the woodlands through,When with Scathach we learned arms!”

Heart companions seams to be similar or the same as soul freind, because of how it’s used. Although sleeping in the same bed isn’t inherently sexual, Cuchulainn then goes on to complement Ferdiad’s physical features.

“Dear to me thy noble blush,

Dear thy comely, perfect form;

Dear thine eye, blue-grey and clear,

Dear thy wisdom and thy speech”

Although this is deeply sweet I would also like to caution that Chuhulainn may have simply been commenting on his healthiness, but blush is an odd word considering he is now dead.

Two male lovers, one dead in the other’s arms. Soul friends, maybe. Reminds me of a certain show..I don’t know I just can’t put my finger on it...

I would also like to point out that because Celtics did not pressure others to have sex, and that a soul friend can be any type of love, I do think that an asexual or someone on that spectrum could live without judgment.Unfortunately, I could not find much about intersex, androgynous, or trans people. Perhaps if I find anything in the future and will make a new post.

In conclusion, if Merlin were more historicaly accurate, he definitely would have been queer. Especially because he is said to be magic itself, it would make sense for him to be the personification of Celtic values. That may include homosexuality, because as previously stated, Celtic men really liked other men.

I’m excited to see what will come of this post, seeing as not a lot of people in the fandom seem to know this. More fanfiction? More fanart? It would probably inspire a lot of creators. So, if you do make something because of this post, please notify me in the notes, an ask, an @ or something. Basically anything but a PM. I would be happy to see/read the creation.

Sources:

Sexuality and love in Celtic society:

Same Sex Celts

Druid Thoughts: of Sex and Druids

Anam Cara, what’s a soul mate?

Sexuality in Ancient Ireland

The Celts, Women, and Sex

LGBT history

Sexuality and love in Medival Society:

Getting down and medival: the sex lives of the Middle Ages

Sex in the Middle Ages

Here’s What Sex Was Like In Medieval Times. It’ll Make You Feel Glad You Weren’t Born Back Then!

General Celtic Society:

Who Were the Celts

Celtic Religion and Belieifs

Saint Patrick

17 Things You Probably Didnt know about Saint Patrick

Confession of Saint Patrick

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, Gay Lovers?

The Combat of Ferdiad and Cuchulain

Insest in Antient Celtic Society

Ancient Irish elite practiced incest, new genetic data from Neolithic tomb shows

Homosexuality in the Roman Empire

Timeline of LGBT history

Timeline of LGBT history in the United Kingdom

[fangirlings-things]

Ocean Eyes I

OCEAN EYES MASTERLIST

Word count: 3.9K

SET ON 5x12

A/N: guyssss here is the first chapter!!! i want to thank you all for the positive feedback, the comments and reblogs, likes thank youuu so much!!! hope you guys like the beginning of this story, love love love 💖

tag list: @castielsangelsx ; @ritual-unions-gotme ; @freckled-lass ; @irrelevantyettopicalusername ; @charming-merlin ; @pieces-by-me

Vikings tag list: @maggiescarborough ; @charmingvalkyrie

TAG LIST IS OPEN || ALL GIFS USED IN HERE BELONG TO ME

─━─━─「⊱✠⊰」─━─━━─━─「⊱✠⊰」━─━─

They were brought in by the guards in a group of four. Two women at the middle and two tall men, the sons of Ragnar, at the edges. 

From your spot, close to one of the great walls alongside with your mother, Judith, and your brother, Aethelred, you took it upon yourself to analyze all of them as you tried to calm down your heart, that was beating incredibly fast inside your chest. 

It had been like that ever since the moment Alfred had gone to your chambers, to tell you that he had made a decision regarding the Northmen and that he had a plan. He knew what to do. Although in fear, you trusted your brother. More than anything or anyone in the whole world. 

And also, your grandfather had prepared him to make tough decisions like that one. He had given Alfred his every ruling knowledge, the wisdom of a great King. If someone could ensure your family prevailed, that person was Alfred. 

"I am aware of who you are" Alfred's voice filled the great hall. On the throne, with Bishop Heahmund standing by his side he looked a lot like Ecbert, when he used to make announcements with Bishop Edmund's Christian council. "I'm not foolish enough to not recognize your potential for my kingdom" just like you, he ran his eyes through the four of the Northmen as he spoke. Not in threat, but respect. "If you were willing to fight with us against the armies of your countrymen"

After hearing your twin brother's words, the men who was closest to where you were standing, Ubbe, the son of Ragnar, smiled and looked at the ground with a silent laugh escaping his lips. That disturbed you, made you feel even more worried about what Alfred would try to do, what agreement he would propose to them. 

As if he had sensed your intense stare, the man, Ubbe, turned his head slightly and fixed his eyes right back at yours, in retribution for your own gaze. His eyes were blue. So deeply blue. 

"We may" Bjorn Ironside spoke for the first time at the other edge of the group and that broke the eye contact you and his brother were exchanging. You swallowed hard because of how nervous that look had made you feel. "On the condition, that you allow us to settle in the part of East Anglia King Ecbert gave to us" 

Aethelred huffed, and you wished to hit him for that, having a second reason to apologize for afterwards. Bjorn Ironside's tone was already threatening enough and worthy of caution. You all did not need him to think he was being disrespected. 

Luckily enough, the Northmen did not notice that. 

"I have every intention of honoring my grandfather's pledges" Alfred made that very clear to the blond man, clenching at the throne's arms like they were his support. You admired him. To have such coldness and calmness to deal with the same people who had killed thousands of Englishmen before, that was something worthy of admiration. "But first you must demonstrate your worth and your loyalty to our cause in battle" 

Exactly like Ubbe had done before, Bjorn Ironside laughed and looked down at his feet, licking his lips in something that came close to amusement. Again, it made you worried. More than you already were. If they did not accept the deal Alfred was offering, their fate would be prison or death. And even though the sons of Ragnar were at war, you doubted that absolutely no one would seek revenge for them. That was the way with them. 

"We have the legal right to that land" Bjorn raised his eyes again and they pierced Alfred like blades, such was the ferocity in them. 

You knew what your grandfather had done in the past to his people. How he had killed all the people in the settlement he had gave them to live in peace. How he betrayed Ragnar and Lagertha's, the older woman who now stood in that hall, trust. You knew that in the verge of his death, your grandfather was not proud of that decision. Perhaps he did not regret it, but he for sure resented it. So, as much as it cost you to admit, you understood Bjorn Ironside's clear doubt in your brother's words. 

"We accept your offer" Lagertha surprised everyone by saying it. 

Instantly all the eyes in the hall were on her. Bjorn Ironside and Ubbe turned their heads to her and Bjorn mostly, seemed angry by her jumping to decisions, especially one that seemed too reckless as to trust again, a King of Wessex. And although they clearly did not agree with her, both of the men did not argue and she did not pay them any attention. She made the decision and they accepted it. You could not help but admire her determination and influence over them. 

"I am glad" Alfred sighted, in relief. You knew very much your brother was not someone who supported violence or the wrongs of people in the past. Although he had been raised by your grandfather, he was not Ecbert. He would not make the same mistakes or break his promises. And although you did resent Ragnar's sons for your grandfather's death, you felt relief as well for that deal. They had wanted to avenge their father, that you could understand. But still, the pain of your loss made it difficult to acknowledge it out loud. "It was Bishop Heahmund who proposed this solution which seemed to me wise" 

Slowly and respectfully, Heahmund turned his head a bit and nodded in Lagertha's direction, a sign of respect and duty. She did the same to him. And even though their movements were stern and cold, you could swear you saw a spark in both of their eyes. Something hidden there, carefully. 

"So" Alfred regained his speech and that made you stop paying attention to the woman and the Bishop. "As long as we are allies and friends you are free to use the royal villa as you wish" at the back of the hall, you saw some of the Lords who were a part of the Witan, exchanging horrified looks. "My servants are also your servants. My kitchens and cellars are there for your use. I believe you have two young children with you" 

That, made you turn your head completely and focus on your twin. He had not told you about that. The thought of young children in the cells of the palace, cold and hungry, made your stomach twist and shame take the whole of your being. 

The other woman, the one who had not spoken at all since they had been brought before the King, nodded her head confirming his words. Instantly, for the look in her eyes, you knew she was the children's mother. 

"Let us have a care for them also" Alfred stated and the woman's face seemed to light up gratefully like she had just received the best news in the world. 

"Thank you, Lord King" she said with the utter most respect. 

Alfred turned his head to the corner of the room and with one of his hands, made a sign for one of the guards to step forward. "We have fought against you and now we shall fight together, with you" he said as the guard started to take out the Northmen's chains and release them. "I know my grandfather King Ecbert would approve for I know the love he bore King Ragnar" 

At your grandfather's mention, you could not help but feel a sharp emotion run through your whole being. Your eyes got blurry and a tear streamed down your face. Your mother looked at you discretely but did not say a word, just smiled tenderly. You looked down at your feet and cleaned the tear with your fingertips, taking a deep breath to regain your posture. When you looked up, you saw that Ubbe was looking at you again. He had clearly seen you crying and it angered you. 

You did not want to seem weak in front of them. 

Without any other words, the Northmen were dismissed and left the great hall. Alfred watched them leave, getting up from his throne and taking a few steps forward. All the eyes were on him. 

"Can I trust them?" Alfred asked as soon as the Northmen left the hall and the doors were closed behind them. 

"You can trust Lagertha" the Bishop answered almost instantly, because he knew the question had been made to him. 

Alfred nodded and started to walk away. Before he could though, Heahmund called for him to solve one more matter. As they discussed it, you felt your mind slip further away by every instant passed. 

"If you would excuse me, my King" you bowed to your brother and only after he nodded, giving you permission to leave, you turned away and did so. 

  ─━─━─「⊱✠⊰」─━━─━─━─「⊱✠⊰━─━─

You walked through the corridors of the palace, one long corridor after the other, looking for Alfred. You had just met his soon to be wife and she seemed to be a good person, so it gave you some joy. At your mother's request, you had the responsibility to take Alfred to meet her as soon as possible. 

You had already searched his chambers and others rooms, but did not have any luck. So, your feet got you to the corridor on the south side of the palace, which lead to a room you knew Alfred liked to be in sometimes. The view from the windows calmed him, he always said. 

"Brother, are you here?" you opened the doors and entered the room. As soon as you did so, you regretted it. Alfred was there, but not alone. Bjorn Ironside and Ubbe were with him and the tension in there was anything but calm. All their eyes fell upon you and you sighted for your own stupidity. You should have assumed he would be settling matters with them regarding the new alliance. "I am sorry to interrupt"

"(Y/N), what is it?" Alfred interrupted the matter to give you attention. To him, there was nothing more important than you. 

"The Lady is here" you said and he understood of whom you were talking about. Ubbe and Bjorn Ironside just stayed silent, both of them with their eyes still on you. You did not stare back to any of them. 

"If you just wait for a moment, sister, I will accompany you and go meet her" he suggested and pointed to an empty chair on the other side of the table, across from him. You nodded and just when you sat down at that chair, he looked at Ubbe. "Please, continue" 

It took a moment for the son of Ragnar to speak and risking a quick glance, you saw that he was looking at you. As soon as your eyes met his though, he averted his quickly like you were intimidating. That made you frown. 

"Now, you are the King" Ubbe slapped Alfred in the arm with a forced smile on his lips and walked towards a near smaller table, grabbed a writing quill and ink and placed it in front of Alfred, next to a document you assumed to be the one that 'proved' the Northmen's claim to East Anglia's lands. You knew that was a lie, also. Your grandfather had already given the crown to your father, Aethelwulf, when he signed the document and therefore, had no legal right to give them those lands. "So, you can sign it over to us and you can grant us those lands right now"

You noticed how Alfred sighted heavily. "In theory, yes, I could" 

"What does that mean?" Bjorn Ironside raised his hands in the air, exasperated. You had to admit that he scared you. A simple word said in a higher tone by him made your heart beat faster. 

Alfred placed one of his elbows on the table and leaned towards the blond. "There are important people here who do not want me to grant lands to those who in the past, have attacked and raided us"

"So why would we fight for you when everything you say is just a lie?" Ubbe placed his hands on the table between his brother and Alfred, the expression on his face made you wish to tell your brother to have caution. 

"I am not lying" Alfred turned to him with a expression as serious as the Northmen's. "I am being more honest with you than you have any right to expect!" he looked at Bjorn and then back at Ubbe. He seemed so strong, facing the older men as an equal in strength, that you felt a burst of proud run through you. "You have thrown yourself upon my mercy. So, do not presume anymore upon my charity" he got up from his chair and you instantly did the same. "When I can, I will grant you that land. In the meantime, I must go and meet my future wife" 

So together, you and Alfred left the room. The both of you could sense the Northmen's eyes burning holes in your backs. 

 ─━─━━─「⊱✠⊰」─━━─━─「⊱✠⊰」─━─━─

"I think what troubles Bjorn Ironside the most is that he lost the war against his younger brothers" with arms crossed over your chest and your back against the wall behind you, yours eyes were on the ground beneath your feet as you thought deeply about the last few days where everything had changed. 

"Yes, I can see that. But I suppose we cannot blame him for having suspicions about us. Our grandfather betrayed them in the past" Alfred had his eyes sat on the fireplace, thoughts lost in the flames. "I really wish this alliance to work, my dear sister" 

"Me too" you said but noticed that Alfred had fixed his eyes on your face and searched for something hidden in there. "What is it?" 

"I thought you would not want them here. Because of grandfather and what the sons of Ragnar did. Honestly, I wondered if you would support Aethelred if he suggested we should punish them" he admitted, and the supposition made you shrug. 

"I thought about it" the fire, crackling, was the second sound in the room behind your voice. You could feel the cold of stones in your back through the thin cloth of your dress. "But our grandfather was not perfect like I thought when we were just children. He made mistakes. He should not have handed Ragnar Lothbrok to King Aelle. He should not have killed those poeple in the settlement he promised to leave in peace. How can I blame Ragnar's sons for seeking revenge for such things?"

"I am glad you think so. I share your opinion on the matter and that is why I wanted you to be here, not mother or our brother" Alfred opened up a smile to you. 

His statement made you frown. "Why would you want me to be here?" 

"We are expecting a visitor right now. I sent one of my men to bring him here. You are very wise, my sister, so I will need to hear your advice on this as much as he wil" Alfred's eyes went back to the flames. 

"What visitor, Alfred?" 

Before he could answer, the doors of the room were opened and Ubbe walked in, seeming unsure if he should keep on walking or not. He looked around, saw no one but you and your brother and the confusion and uncertainty on his face seemed to grow by the instant. 

But he walked towards you both anyway, stood a few feet away as Alfred turned around and like you, placed your eyes on the Northmen. You found yourself struggling to look away from the son of Ragnar. Again. 

During the earlier feast, your eyes had met his many times, for no reason at all. When you would look, he would already be looking. When you were looking and he would notice, you turned away quickly to try to distract yourself. There was just something about him. He was not like Bjorn Ironside, with all his anger. Nor like Ivar, whom you had met when you were just a little girl. There was something different and intriguing about him. Captivating, even. Not that it did make you trust him, though. 

"You asked to see me" he frowned at Alfred, joining his hands in the front of his body casually. 

"Yes" Alfred quickly agreed. "Please, sit" he pulled the chair at the table a little back and motioned for Ubbe to sit. Still suspicious, the Northmen did not move, just sighted. Alfred accepted the defeat by clearing his throat. "Some wine?" he poured some into a cup and helding it in hand, turned back at Ubbe. You just stayed still and waited as you did not know what was happening. "I think your brother Bjorn has set his heart against me"

"He feels..." Ubbe started, thinking about it for a moment. Then shrugged. "betrayed" 

"I understand that. But what can I do? It was not of my doing" Alfred averted his eyes for a moment and sighted. "And for the time being it is not easy for me to grant you those lands. Many are against it"

"So what are we supposed to do?" Ubbe questioned, still not seeming to see the point of that private reunion of the three of you. 

"A consilium" you spoke, having finally understood where Alfred was going with that sudden meeting. It made sense. He knew that alone, against the two of you, Ubbe would more easily see reason. Ubbe's eyes were on you in that moment, and your arms fell to the sides of your body graciously as you walked closer to the both of them. "You could publicly renounce your pagan gods and be baptized as a christian" 

Ubbe seemed shocked, by the way his gaze kept holding yours until the point he averted his eyes and sighted. "I can't imagine Bjorn would ever agree to that" he turned away to leave, but Alfred stopped him. 

"I am not talking about Bjorn, but about you" Alfred's tone was stern enough to make Ubbe turn back around and stare at the both of you. Motioning for the wine, he came closer. Alfred poured a second and third cup. One he gave to Ubbe and the other, to you. "You do that for me, Ubbe, and a part of my burden is lifted. Ragnar talked to me and my sister when we were children. He talked about your people and my people sharing the land"

"And we think that of all of his sons, you are the closest to him" you said and you saw Ubbe swallow hard, as if the comparison made him proud about himself. 

Alfred nodded in agreement to your words. "He told our grandfather that he no longer believed in your gods"

The expression in Ubbe's face changed, and he raised his cup in the air and towards your brother's face. "That is not true" 

"Our grandfather told us everything" you spoke again, wanting to take that dangerous attention away from Alfred. "He wanted to prepare us, especially my brother, for times such as this" as the words left your mouth Ubbe put the cup down, and a calmer expression took a hold of his features. "He loved your father, we know that. Your father's death broke him" 

"Destroyed him" Alfred completed and in that moment as in many others, you two were working in perfect sinchrony. 

Ubbe took a deep breath and leaving his cup at the table, got up and came closer to Alfred and stared deep into his eyes. Afterwards, he did the same thing to you. Stepped so close you could almost feel his hot breath on your skin. But you did not look away or step back, no. You looked up to meet his eyes and held his gaze for as long as he wished to. 

"I will need time" he finally stepped back, and only then you allowed yourself to breathe again. Your heart was racing inside your chest like the most scared of horses. "to think about what you have told me"

"Of course. And (Y/N), please will you take Ubbe to the chambers the servants have prepared for him and his people?" Alfred suggested and it surprised both you and the son of Ragnar a lot. Your bother smiled reassuringly at you, he had indeed, told you earlier where he would place the small group of the Northmen. And then, he turned to Ubbe. "Your wife Torvi and the others will already be there, I also asked for some extra food to be delivered, for the children" 

"Thank you" Ubbe motioned his head towards Alfred to show his gratitude, then turned to you. "My Lady" it was the first time he spoke directly to you and the respectful tone of his voice, actually made you give him a little smile. 

"Please, follow me" you took the front and walked out of the room, Ubbe following you closely behind.

Once in the corridors, you two walked side by side in completele silence. Honestly, you did not know what you could say. You were certain Alfred had made you do this because he wanted you to see if Ubbe would probably accept the consilium, or if he would deny it. You had always been good in reading people. But still... how should you question such a man? 

"Can I trust Alfred's word?" Ubbe said, speaking so suddenly that you stopped walking in surprise. The torches lit the corridor just enough to cast shadows on his face and when he also stopped walking and turned to fix his gaze on you, you suddenly realized that you two were completely alone in there. Just you and him. 

"Yes, of course" you stated, surprised by the sudden question. You thought the way to his chambers was going to be totally made in silence. 

You motioned to start walking again, but he stepped in your way, keeping you from going. Before you could say anything, the Northman's hands were closed around your forearms. Your eyes widened, but you were so shocked that no words left your mouth. His grip was not tight or bruising. It was almost gentle, as his fingetips just laid in your dress, not clenched at it. 

Holding you, Ubbe got closer and closer until your chests were almost touching. He looked down at you, as you had to look up to meet his eyes. There was a real question in his expression, hesitation that he seemed to wish to let go. "King Ecbert said my father could trust him and he was lying. So I am asking you, my Lady, if I can trust Alfred. If I do this, become a Christian, will he grant me those lands and let my people live in peace?"

"My brother is not my grandfather" you said a few moments later, when you finally were able to regain your voice. His proximity gave you chills. You saw the doubt in his eyes. "I promise you, this settlement will not end as the other did"

He must have seen the honesty in your expression. The urgency in your voice. His hands slowly let go of your arms and for some reason you missed the warmth of his hands upon your dress.

You did not exchange more words, you just led the way to his chambers and wished him and his family a goodnight of sleep.

In your chambers, later, you felt extremely tired.

Before you fell asleep, the last thing you thought about were Ubbe's eyes. Intense blue eyes. So alive, so captivating.

Those ocean eyes.

[to-many-towered-camelot]

book notes

for anyone who is interested in a nuanced take on fairy beliefs vs the Christian Church in the Middle Ages, this book by Richard Firth Green was actually so good, if your library has it:

[Image: Front cover of the book ‘Elf Queens and Holy Friars: Fairy Beliefs and the Medieval Church’ by Richard Firth Green]

like, obvs it’s just one person’s take on a very complex topic, but it’s well-written, well-researched, and it uses a bunch of Arthurian examples throughout to explore this dynamic (see under cut)

really interesting exploration of how the Church’s response evolved from the early-High Middle Ages (”dude, you believe in fairies? hhhmmm, do penance for 10 days”) to the Late Middle Ages/Early Modern Period (”kill them for heresy and witchcraft!”) 

and how it enfolded vernacular/fairy beliefs into Christian doctrine as fairies being either a) demons or b) the illusions of demons (and how dangerous/bad these demons were depended on the time/location/cleric in question - some packaged fairies as “neutral” demons who fell when the rebel angels did, and who must be punished on Earth but will return to Heaven on Doomsday - potentially doing this to soften things for their parishioners, who often held these fairy beliefs and reconciled them with Christianity, uh, differently than the Church officially would prefer)

and enduring belief in fairies existed in both common and aristocratic circles (can see this in medieval romances, although they’re not the only source of evidence), rather than just being used as cultural “decoration” by a more sceptical upperclass

aaaaand because of this conflation of fairy = demon, you get a really interesting blend/overlap with medieval demonology and enduring “folk” beliefs (obvs not all of medieval demonology was just rebranded fairies, but some of it defs was - you see stories being retold with “devil” instead of “elf”, for example)

INCLUDING in Arthuriana - how you get Morgan the Fairy (”le Fay”) vs Morgan who was raised in a nunnery and learned dark magic there, the Lady of the Lake as a (largely) positive force, Merlin inexplicably as a (perceived to be...) Good Guy despite being the literal antichrist, the Green Knight and all the overlap with Christian symbolism in that story, etc, etc. and they all just either??? co-exist in the same stories or appear through either more fay or more ~Christian lenses depending on the version

and it creates a very interesting and very confusing soup of Stuff stemming from a very confusing - and sometimes dangerous - soup of official and unofficial beliefs evolving over hundreds of years

anyway, WRT Arthuriana it’s got (and ymmv on these, but they’re all interesting thoughts):

(i think in Gottfried’s Tristan???) apparently Tristan has a rainbow fairy dog called Petitcriu...name a knight less deserving of such a Good Boy smh

Chretien’s Yvain flooding out Laudine at the fountain (...jerk) as a continuation of the beliefs surrounding a magical Spring at Barenton 

Gingalain moving from being the son of Gawain and the fairy Blanchemal (and having a fairy love interest, Pucelle) in the French OG version (~1200-ish) to being the son of Gawain and his human mistress (with Pucelle also being human) in a later 15th-C Middle English version)

AJDKN UJ IOE E Merlin’s conception, that one’s a wild ride - theologians REALLY didn’t like the idea of demons being fertile, and the work-arounds they came up with were...incredible. but skipping over that sheer comedy, the author draws links between Merlin’s conception and the general trend of claiming a fairy lover/whatever when a difficult-to-explain pregnancy arose. He also theorises that Geoffrey’s idea for Merlin’s father being a demon/fairy may have come from Nennius saying that Merlin/Ambrosius’ mother “never knew a man”. Later adaptations of this storyline made it even more fay-like (when they weren’t, like Robert de Boron, making it more fucked-up) by making Merlin’s father invisible (Wace) or a super attractive guy in swanky gold clothes (Layamon) - and Vortigern’s advisor explaining the creatures that lived between the earth and the moon until doomsday, etc, etc (walking that line between fairy and incubi, whichhhhhh was not clearly delineated in the Middle Ages the way it is now). also there’s one 13th-C Anglo-Norman poem where Merlin’s father is a bird that transforms into a dashing young squire, which isn’t terribly demon-y. So even though most versions of this story describe Merlin’s dad as an incubi-demon, what people understood this to mean may have been more fay-ish that we’d expect nowadays (depending on the reader, and also on authorial intention - some are pretty explicit that he’s a demon [many clerics keen to push this as the main narrative], while others refer to him as an elf or fairy). some contemporary scepticism during this time about Merlin having any sort of supernatural parentage as well

[none of the same Church anxieties about explaining away how the Plantagenets and other aristocratic families claim a female fairy ancestress - maybe bc there’s none of the stress about patrilineal bloodlines??? who knows! but yeah, much less thought given to those stories in ecclesiastical circles, and they were very popular in vernacular romances (male aristocratic wish fulfilment?). also, fairy enchantments =/= necromancy, so there are stories like the non-cyclic Lancelot where the Lady of the Lake is found out to be “a fairy by education, not by nature or heredity” (Elspeth Kennedy), with the spirits used in necromancy being demons, not fairies. also potential trend of female-associated magic becoming more passive and book-learned, gradually demonising it leading up to early-modern witch hunts.]

Geoffrey of Monmouth in his Historia and in the Vita Merlini being actually pretty circumspect about saying whether or not Arthur was alive/dead, returning/not returning, maybe due to his work/text being a (hypothesised) defence of the Welsh as being “civilised” (and having been so for centuries before the Normans came) - with the corollary that believing in Arthur’s return was somehow “uncivilised”. Author argues that this may be due to an association with fairy beliefs, and that Layamon is the one that makes Avalon explicitly fey. Also the author describes Arthur as living in a “feminised version of the Christian heaven” (iconic) and says that later writers and people could be very scornful of this belief held by the Britons/Welsh/etc, and that it was contrary to orthodox ways of thinking. 

Links the “discovery” of Arthur and Guinevere’s bodies in Glastonbury in the late 12th-C as similar to when individuals found the bodies of their loved ones, thus making it much harder to believe (and hope) that they were still alive in fairyland. Makes a suggestion that the monks in Glastonbury who “found” these bodies may have been trying to curry favour with the English crown (i.e. champion/hope of the Welsh isn’t coming back) but also may have been trying to “help”/”save”/correct the thoughts/ideology of the Welsh (i.e. “set them on the correct path to salvation”). Lots of medieval writers describing Arthur as living in “fairyland”. Precedent of people visiting fairyland and returning, so Avalon/fairyland =/= a place only for the dead (i.e. Arthur isn’t dead). An Arthurian example, albeit a less explicitly fay one, is Lancelot getting in and out of Gorre (with Gorre as a “typically supressed and rationalised” version of fairyland) in Chretien’s Knight of the Cart.

Some stuff about the wild horde (distinct from the wild hunt) being presented by some writers as very penitential (i.e. they are departed souls that may look like they’re bearing arms/hunting/whatever as they did in life, but really they are in agony e.g. because their weapons burn them) and tbh demonic (black armour, carrying torches, ominous aesthetic). Other writers thought maybe it was - once again! - demonic impersonators rather than actual mortal souls. (Should note also that the wild horde/wild hunt motifs were not always associated with their being dead). Relevant in the Arthurian context because Arthur and his court were sometimes associated with the idea of the wild horde (as in, sometimes the wild horde is described as Arthur’s court living it up in a cool, undying sort of way - “in the likeness of knights hunting or jousting, commonly known as the household of Hellequin or of Arthur” [Etienne de Bourbon, a medieval writer] - with Hellequin’s household often being used to encompass either the wild hunt or the wild horde). Ultimate point made by the author (props to him, he’s always like “if i’m right” lol) that for many clerical writers, it was very uncomfortable to leave people with the impression that Arthur and his court were living it up in fairyland (and similar for other figures associated with the wild hunt/horde) and this idea needed to be corrected/shaped to suit more orthodox perspectives - e.g. tying in with notions of purgatory, etc. 

Aaaand this one was exciting to me just bc i’ve vaguely heard about Arthur and his knights snoozing under a hill, but for some reason i could only remember this being in Victoria-era-and-onwards poetry. 3 versions of the same tale, where a servant looks for his master’s lost horse on a Sicilian mountain. Version 1) servant of a bishop finds his master’s horse in the beautiful palace of Arthur’s court beneath Mt Etna. Aside from the fact that the ancient wound Arthur received from Mordred opens once a year, it’s not very purgatory-like. Version 2) a dean’s servant is told by an old man that King Arthur has the horse on Mt Gyber (Mt Etna). he is told that his master must attend Arthur’s court in 14 days, but the dean laughs it off...then sickens and dies on the appointed day (whoops). Enough differences to this story compared to the first to suggest an oral circulation. Also a note in the version/text that such mountains are said to be the mouth of hell, and only the wicked are sent there, not the chosen. Version 3) Etienne again! Also likely changed with intervening oral circulation. The master is not an ecclesiastical figure, and Arthur’s palace is now a populous city - also Arthur is not referred to, just a nameless prince. There is a gatekeeper who warns the servant not to eat or drink while he’s there (that...is a very fairy-ish proscription). This mountain is apparently reputed to be the site of purgatory. The book author (Richard, i mean) ties these versions in with other stories/accounts of different entrances to purgatory (e.g. one on an island in an Irish lake) as being part of a gradual process of “rendering [...] fairyland purgatorial”. 

Finally, Gawain in Roman van Walewein: To get to an ‘earthly paradise’ [i.e. King Assentijn’s garden with its fountain of youth - side note that ‘earthly paradises’ were often popularly described to be fairyland/where fairies live, in addition to their theological functions, e.g. Avalon was sometimes described as an earthly paradise...i should also say that purgatory was frequently thought to be located beside earthly paradise, so there’s the proximity element] and the castle containing it, Gawain must cross a river (guided by a magical talking fox) that a) has waters that burn like fire, and b) can only be crossed by using a bridge sharper than a razor. His reaction? “Is it the enchantment of elves or magic / that I see?”. He is then guided by the fox underneath the river through a tunnel, and is told that the river’s source is in the depths of hell, and “[the river] is the true purgatory / All souls, having departed from the body / Must come here to bathe.” So it’s a very strong intermingling of fairy and purgatorial imagery/ideas!

I dunno, I just found this very ??? satisfying to read

it leaned towards lit-crit at times (which, considering the subject matter, is honestly fair enough), but it was more respectful of vernacular beliefs than so many other academic takes i see (ofc ymmv re: anything to do with non-Christian major religions, but i think the author’s pretty solid on this!), and it had an explanation for the survival of these beliefs that imo made a lot of sense, especially from a pan-European perspective, not just a Celtic one 

plus it explored the undeniable damage done by Christianity over history without making up some “ranged battle between paganism and the Church” that i see  e v e r y w h e r e  in casual Arthurian circles...which, like, i empathise with the vibe, but also! that’s just straight-up historical revisionism! (i blame MZB and the 80′s for that one)

(there was a fantastic post floating around a while ago about how the religious syncretism in Arthurian literature is much more interesting than peeling away all of the Catholicism in the medieval lit (...you ?? don’t end up with much left?) and saying that this is more “accurate” to some obscure original)

anyway yeah yeah ymmv but it’s v interesting 😊