#you probably see queer people on a daily basis

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Slightly boring question, I know, but what LGBTQ+ headcanons do you have for the mercs (if any) , and for any of those, how do you think they realized?

LGBTQ+ Headcanons For The TF2 Mercs

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oh no anon this isn't boring at all, I love talking about queer shit, and TF2 so this is super fun for me!

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Uhhhh, light homophobia and transphobia??? I tried not to add any but a little bit of it!

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Demo is trans and gay. He was like twenty when he realized he was trans, like this dude was sitting in his home, and it just randomly clicked? Immediately thinks,

"Oh, that explains a lot." He had absolutely no clue what to do with that information, but he eventually figured out how to be comfortable in his own skin. As for him being gay, it was probably just the natural progression of things. He liked men before, and he liked men after. This man was so scared to tell his mom that she literally didn't care, she loves her son.

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Engie is pan and trans. Engie just always knew, like felt it in his bones knew. One of those kids who the moment they could talk just goes, "Oh yeah, I'm a boy now." His parents would just tell him he was a tomboy and that he'd grow out of it. Wrong! He only became comfortable with his identity when he was fifteen, only after years of internalized guilt and transphobia though. Uh, he definitely had to keep it a secret for a lot longer than that. He also just always knew he was pan. He always liked women and men, and he realized he didn't even care if the person he liked was both or neither. He just likes people!

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I think Heavy is bisexual,and like, he didn't even realize it until he met the other mercs. He just ignored the fact that he liked men. After all, every man around him seemed to only like women, so he just focused on women. (Well, not really, lmao) anyway! One night, all the mercs were talking about their escapades, and then some mercs brought up their experiences with men, and he just stared at them and was like,

"You, you can do that?" The team is just like,

"Yeah???"

"Oh."

(I've seen other people headcanon this and I love it and agree so much.)

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Medic is intersex and it just went unnoticed? Lack of proper medical care and a neglectful mother will do that to you. He's glad, though. Growing up, it was confusing for him, especially when he realized that his body was different, but he learned to love himself. He actually learned that he was intersex indirectly. He read some books on anatomy and realized he didn't look like the people in the book and that his body couldn't quite be defined as male or female. Would only be able to put a name to it years later. (I think he'd have Klinefelter syndrome) He's also gay! I think he just always knew, he just never had interest in women, but always chalked it up to being to busy with his work and studies to have time for dating, then he kissed a guy, and oh boy it clicked then. Once, he didn't have to worry as much about being harmed for his identity he became the silly guy you see now.

(His ass does not have a wife! He would call his husband his wife.)

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I want to trans Scout's gender so bad, but alas, it's funnier if he's cis with T-boy swag. BUT, this man is a queer. Bi disaster. He had a stroke when he first joined the other mercs. This man had to work through a lot of shit, all while pretending he isn't working with men who make him question his sexuality on a daily basis. I think at first he tries to convince himself that it's nothing or battles with extreme internalized homophobia and self hatred, and it takes him forever to accept the fact that it isn't weird or wrong to like both men and women. He's still just scared that even though he likes both, he's not good enough for either. (Oops, got angsty my bad.)

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Sniper is queer but just doesn't care too much about exploring his sexuality. He knows he has a preference for men but also has never considered being attracted to other genders, but also doesn't think he'd mind, and over all he just, doesn't know, and it's easier for him to just call himself queer and not have to figure it out. I don't think there was a defining moment, I think one day he just realized he wasn't attracted to just women anymore.

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"You can't just headcanon every shapeshifter as genderfluid!" Uh, yes, I can. So Spy is genderfluid. Spy dress might not be canon, but it's canon in my heart. He has no problem with being masculine one day and feminine the next. I think he realized on a mission one time (not with the other mercs) where he had to present fem for some reason, and he really liked it. He's also bi with a preference for women. He dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia like Scout did (like father like son and all that), but eventually came to terms with it when Scout came out actually. He realized that it probably wasn't that weird, especially when the other mercs chimed in with their sexualities.

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Soldier is pan, but he is also another case of "I want to trans his gender so bad, but it's funnier if he's cis." The comedic value of him not understanding being trans so he's supportive in the weirdest ways. Um, as for him being pan, he just doesn't care. He likes anyone who's a similar personality type to him, gender doesn't matter. It's all the same to him. I feel like it's another case that he always knew, dealt with internalized homophobia, and then the other mercs helped him work through it. (The team is very helpful when it comes to being queer, nothing else, though, lmao)

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Pyro is well, a whole bunch of identities, but I personally rock with, mtf trans agender, pan, and ace. So the mtf and agender part might seem kinda complicated, but I'll do my best to explain! I feel like Pyro was born male, but just always hated they're body and always wanted to have a female body, but then they realized that they wanted to have a feminine body, but no gender, so they did just that. Another case of them liking everyone, they just have a lot of love to give. Being ace, for Pyro, is no sexual attraction at all, just wanting to love a person, wanting romance, not anything more. They realized everything separately, being trans when they were around their teens, basically going through puberty and realizing how awful it felt for them to present as male, being agender years later when someone referred to them neutrally and they really liked it, and being pan when they forst started viewing people romantically, and ace when they got into a relationship.

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Not that it was asked but Miss Pauling is a lesbain btw

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Ah, these queers. UH Medic did everyone's surgeries, in case you we're wondering. He has so many uteruses lying around.

Some short and sweet hcs, uhhh, i have no idea what order im writing anything rn to be completely honest, I'm hoping I'll get through my flufftober asks, then some angst and some other asks but we'll see if I switch this up.

I had such a hard time writing this, I kept getting embarrassed at my writing style and thinking it was the worst thing ever written 😭

[7central]

I just love the different ways that aloto approaches queerness and parenthood.

Toni recognizes Max’s queerness and fears it, but mostly she fears her daughter being hurt in the way that she’s undoubtedly seen happen to Bertie.  The core of their conflict being that she wants to provide for Max, since she’s a pillar in her community and she provides for everyone, at the salon, ushering at church, being motherly towards people like Clance who need it.  She does like Max as well as love her, but she can’t see Max living a future with the way she is, so she wants her to change all the same.  It’s such a realistic conflict with so much urgency in the time (and now too).  Edgar is much more accepting of Max’s reality because he didn’t experience losing Bertie the way that Toni did, and his family has been settled in Rockford for much longer, so he’s farther removed from the immediate need to establish himself in the community the way that Toni has.  Toni, on the other hand, knows how hard it is for Black women, and she knows how much more dangerous it is for people who are gender non-conforming and queer.  On the flip side of the coin, there’s Bertie and Gracie, who are pillars in their own community, who bring Max in and encourage her to learn of the world beyond Toni’s sphere.  All of them love Max, but none of them can tell her who she is.

For Lupe, motherhood is a complicated obligation.  We see her sending money home, so there’s someone she’s providing for, but we never find out who exactly that is to her.  From what she tells Esti, her family intervened and took her daughter from her because they thought she would be a bad influence in some way.  Bad influence in that she was a young, single mother?  That she was queer?  Something else entirely?  It’s not clear.  But whatever it was, Lupe recognizes, and regrets to an extent, that she has benefitted from being relieved of the responsibility of motherhood.  So when she’s forced back into a caretaker position, expected to meet all of Esti’s needs because she is the only one who can communicate with her, she resists.  It’s cruel, yes, to contribute more directly in Esti’s exclusion, while the others do it carelessly, out of ignorance and lack of effort.  But it’s an understandable response to the unfair expectations placed on her, especially given that she’s harshly scrutinized by her teammates and subjected to casual racism on a daily basis.  That’s not even getting into the ways that Esti reminds her of her daughter, and of the youth that she herself was denied, having a child at that age.  It’s all been denied to her, because, in letting go of her daughter, she lost all claim to those feelings.  In deciding to go find Esti, deciding to open up to her about it, she gets just a little bit of that back.  Her motherhood is inextricable to who she is, and so is her queerness, and so is baseball.  She’s never been allowed to have all three.  And opening up about it doesn’t fix that, but it’s something.  Esti’s forgiveness is something that Lupe rarely receives, but constantly gives.  And forgiveness is something we constantly deny mothers who give up their children.

Carson’s sister immediately mentions the absence of their mother on the phone and half-accuses her of leaving Charlie.  It’s not until later that we find out that Carson’s mother left when she was young, probably forcing her sister into that motherly role.  Carson clearly misses her mom, maybe idealizes her more than you’d expect from a kid who was abandoned.  I don’t know if Carson ever realizes it fully, but I think she takes comfort in knowing that, even if her sister and husband are disappointed about her running off to play pro ball, putting off having children for it, her mother would probably be proud of her decision.  Charlie’s accusation that “whatever made your mother leave is in you,” is heavy with the implication that her mother was queer.  That it was selfish to choose that over her family.  And it was.  But Carson decides to do it, too, because the newfound sense of self she has is more than any of the stability or love that her husband could give her.  In a way, it’s just the same as Greta confiding that she’d like to have children but could never put herself through commitment to a man.  I think a part of Carson knew that about her mother all along, which is why she shows such an unexpected amount of grace about being left behind.

It’s just so intense to see these different ways that queerness intersects with and complicates parenthood, especially in this time period, when the expectation of women to become mothers was even more prevalent than it is now.  The strangeness of having so many men off at war is enough to shift the perception just slightly enough for something like the League to exist, but it’s all about to snap back like a rubber band during the baby boom to come.

[i-eat-nail-polish]

Hey I’m gonna probably post more serious stuff because I need to have discussions with people about Palestine. For one I live in an area and am surrounded by people who aren’t pro Palestinian. They don’t take anything surround boycotts or information in general about the genocide serious at all because it doesnt effect them. It’s starting to wear on me because there’s no one to cope (idk if that’s the right word) with what I see online on a daily basis. Ever since mid October or so? (When the tik tok algorithm caught up with the time) I’ve seen countless atrocities that I’ve only ever seen in video games or movies played out in real life against real people. I learned what real bombs sound like both far away and up close because of these videos. Lately I’ve also started to dream about being trapped in Gaza with that feeling of death looming. It sounds dramatic but it’s true. Every day I’m thankful that I’m constantly shown information about Palestine and surrounding Arab countries and I’m also in shock. I’m in shock for a few reasons. 1: I’ve watched for months now, a country, a land and it’s people go through something worse than hell and nobody around feels the same sadness and basic human empathy. No one cares to take in that there’s a massive loss of life and culture and future for whatever reason. It’s gut renching to think about it. 2: I can’t help beyond witnessing and documenting. It seems stupid and corny to think that we’re privileged to have phones but documenting this horrible event through a phone camera is so incredible for history. It just feels almost insulting that that’s all I can do as a poor college student in America. Yes, I can call my representatives which thankfully where I live do support a free and liberated Palestine, but others won’t even do much as think about their constituents. It’s hard because it feels like we’re trying to move a volcano with plastic beach shovels. So all we can do is sit and save videos before social media giants take them down. 3: coming to terms that nobody looks out for each other on a large scale. Because I follow now many journalists from various sectors ranging from on the ground in Gaza to political scientists giving me lessons on the United Nations history, I’m shocked at how all of it is fake. Nothing makes sense anymore. You’re telling me because 2 countries won’t vote on a ceasefire but 98% do we can’t move on with it? Why does the US get privileges that to my limited knowledge no one else has the same power leverage as. How has nobody else stepped in when MANY war crimes are being committed. Why do they even exist if countries are never seriously prosecuted? Why even have rules if you can’t follow them? It’s disheartening to watch but I can’t give up hope. I’m not giving up hope because that’s all we have. I may not have direct ties to Palestine but as if needless suffering is enough for me to care, I care especially for the queer family in Gaza. They are as much apart of the queer family as my roommates are. I don’t know if and when we lose LGBTQ+ people in Gaza but I know it’s happening so I cry for the loss of our family. I need to see an end to this. I need to. I don’t know how to process any of what I’ve witnessed or feel right now or even what else I can do to help stop a genocide. I need to talk to people so please may you strike up conversation. Correct me in any place, tell me about the latest boycotts, show me protests. Please converse we have to keep hope alive.

[themagical-soup-spaghetti]

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves Headcanons

Modern Day Edition!!

Edgin Darvis

This man definitely would own a whole shelf of Funko pops.

He would probably still dress the same way he does in the movie 😔

Definitely owns at least one leather jacket to "look cool" but he never wears it.

Can't cook

Likes to think that he's the coolest person on the planet but gets humbled real quick when he sees Doric.

Plays Candy Crush.

Will try and join his daughter in playing a "super hard game" and fail. (Stardew Valley)

Can't hold a good job because he keeps flirting with everyone.

Only has a few friends who can handle him.

His daughter is one of those friends.

Holga Kilgore

Still super duper buff

Can't hold a job because she gets aggressive

God mother to Edgin's daughter

Has super plain hairstyles unless Edgin's daughter does her hair

Watches romance movies by herself but says she hates them when she watches them with other people.

Actually likes to dress up but doesn't often because she normally doesn't have time or doesn't feel like it

Has a LONG workout routine and Simon tried to join her once and he passed out.

No matter how much she will try and act like she doesn't care about anyone, as soon as one of her friends get hurts she'll actually get really concerned.

Xenk Yendar

Omfg he's gorgeous.

He wears the most extravagant clothing ever known to man

He would probably be the founder of like 7 different charities

Gets his nails done

Autism coded

SUPER SUPER GAY

Probably has tiktok and does dances but they stay in his drafts forever

Not huge on religious faith

Simon Aumar

Animal person

Probably has stuffed animals in his room but whenever someome comes over he hides them all

Avid Mitski Listener

Has Mitski posters

Likes magic tricks but is ass at them

Queer coded

Can't ride a bike, or a skateboard, or a scooter

Likes to take lavish bubble baths with lavender or rose scented bubbles

"Oh my god you look so pretty, I mean handsome, I mean, wait what would you prefer me to say 🥺"

Gets his nails done with Edgin

Tried to paint his nails once and flopped horribly

Likes to dress up in like, Hawaiian shirts

Goes to Ren Faires

Doric

Probably goes on hikes a lot

Collects things from the woods

Very well trained in hand-to-hand combat

Vegetarian

Cuts her own hair

Probably goes to Ren Faires with Simon.

Watches horror movies on a daily basis with Simon

"This isn't even scary what the heck." Is literally holding Simon in her arms cause he's scared

Lots of bi energy

Dyes her hair funky colors all the time

"I hate it here!" Actually loves the people she's hanging out with

A/N: That's it, I hope you enjoyed (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

[dennisboobs]

i know peace bc ive never used twitter it seems like ur torturing urself a bit

yeah. but honestly if i can make like. one person stop fucking harassing glenn i'll take it. idgaf about these idiots qrting me trying to make fun of me, i don't want them anywhere near my twt (free blocklist) and they'll forget about it in an hour anyway. but some people have seemingly genuinely thought about it and agreed after a little pushback. it's mostly a bunch of teens who want to be edgy or think glenn has no feelings because he's a C list celebrity with a nice house. i don't think many people bother trying to push back against the accepted culture over there and most of them seemingly don't even think about it. i don't know why but twitter culture just. expects you to be incredibly fucking rude to celebrities on principle even if you like them. and this is. encouraged. and applauded. i think its disgusting, and ive been on the receiving end of parasocial relationships that had people getting overly invested in me and my friend, completely fucking obliterated any boundaries and speculated about our genders/sexuality/relationship so its. kind of personal. i hate to see it and i can empathize with glenn to a degree. especially when like. you compare other clips of him at cons or even on the podcast where he's WAY more reserved talking too deeply abt queer shit vs those encounters with fans, the guy was having the time of his fucking life with a bunch of superfans who let him know how much they care about his work. i really, really wish that we were on our best behaviour and a bunch of fucking 15 yr olds who have never been called a slur a day in their life and don't know the weight of their words weren't creating a hostile space for both sunnytwt and for glenn. why do you, as a fan, not want to be able to interact respectfully with someone you admire? why do you not want to treat him as a human being? like there's a difference between deifying a celeb vs being fucking respectful. it's not like this is elon musk it's fuckin. glenn. like he is so. just a guy. treat him like one. i can't help but feel bad when 90% of what he sees from fans are people in the comments of his posts bullying him. like why would you not want this man to know how insane he makes you on a daily basis. why are you so afraid of expressing genuine emotion that you have to harass him. bc its cringe to say you like sunny? that's the extent of his fucking interactions with fans. of course he's stoked to talk to fans who have actual love for the show. he probably never fucking sees it. and you know. its frustrating to see people who were THERE. interacting with him in person. now doing this shit. my own mutuals were doing that shit. i follow like 6 people on sunnytwt. its just. accepted. idk. i don't know how to phrase this in a way that makes sense but if you enjoy glenn's interactions with the fandom so much maybe dont fucking push him away. if there are a bunch of ppl qrting his old tweets with what seems like actual literal hate. idk. id start deleting if i were him. like there are just zero fucking boundaries and it makes me mad. why would you do this shit when you could take advantage of him being accessible and tell him how much sunny + dennis means to you instead.

[theasexual-jackson]

The terf pipeline that assigned female at birth trans folks are just “little girls with internalised misogyny and want to be males to escape misogyny” is bullshit! Feat. My experience as an afab transneutral person.

Hi, everyone! For those who don't know me, my name is Angel and I go by all pronouns (neos & xenos included), and welcome to this simple, but big, post.

I think everyone knows the radfems, also known as terfs. You know, these women whose feminism is just transphobia, racism, ableism, generalisation of womanhood and plain exclusion of anyone who isn't a cishet, white, middle to high class women. Maybe, a little bit of queer women, but only in their criteria.

And I think everyone here knows on their infantilization of trans men and assigned female at birth trans people in general. They always say: “Oh, poor little girl, consumed by outside and internalised misogyny, so she tries to be male so she can try to live happily!! =((”

And I say, bullshit, bullshit, FUCKING BULLSHIT! Talking from experience, even!

You see, even though I was raised and socialized as a girl... I didn't experience that much of misogyny. Hell, probably not at all.

“Omg, that's impossible, how would you do that?” Rapunzel. That's the secret, I lived and live to this day like Rapunzel.

I don't go out to stores that often, I only have one way on my daily basis: Home → School → Home. That's it, that's all it. This is how my life goes since forever.

And when I go out somewhere, I'm 9/10 times around one of my parents or my brother. So, my chances of getting catcalled, s/a'd or something are quite low.

I am a hyper protected kid, that's why I am a pussy. And while my mom was mean and a bigot in general in many points of my adolescence, she had enough sense to not be misogynistic throughout my childhood (things started to go wrong in my life, between me and her, when I started to show signs of non-cisgenderness and gender non conformity, to summarize).

And that gave me time to discover my identity without women hating structure of patriarchal society on the way (gender imposition on max.). In fact, I was reluctant to accept that I identified in a masculine way sometimes, because cis femininity (and probably some internalised transphobia) was too impregnated on my brain, at that point. So when I started to feel side effects of an misogynist society, my identity was already constructed, I already knew who I was, so misogyny couldn't really play a role in it.

To give y'all an idea, the first time I've ever been a victim of misogyny was in 2023, when I was 15, close to turning 16 years old, and I was getting romantically harassed by a boy (he changed schools, so I won't see that nigga's face ever again, THANK YOU LORD 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽) and that same muthafucka went on to say, in the middle of class, that women bad and they be the reason why we fail (based off that fucking Adam and Eve story, btw), directed at everyone who was read as a girl in that class, aka all the girls of my class and me. And, since I'm closeted, I had no choice but only be disgusted at that remark of his.

But, key word, disgusted. Not guilty, not deeply affected like any normal woman would; But disgusted. Because misogyny is disgusting to everyone who's not a misogynistic.

See where I'm getting into? My first contacts with what is misogyny in practice came too late to be experienced from a girl's perspective. Maybe from a fem presenting perspective, since I'm closeted, but I only can view it from a transgender perspective, now.

My transgender identity cannot be affected deeply by misogyny now, because misogyny came too late.

And that's not a case only for me, but for many other trans minors. Many trans kids understand that they diverge from the gender they were assigned at birth, even before getting a grasp of misogyny and/or gender related violence, even when they don't even know the existence of the word trans.

So, in conclusion, transness is not a result of internalised misogyny, but being a nasty girl who dismiss other girls just to get male appreciation is (and not only that, tho, patriarchy has many faces other than just sexual violence).

Bye!!! =3

[sunflower-butch]

Opinions on Max’s moms being ronance in the same way that Steve and Eddie are/were father figures to Dustin ? And if you like do you have any favorite headcanons of them?

Oh! Oh! I love Ronance being Max’s moms!!! I think about them so much

Robin:

I like to think it probably started with Max going to Robin for advice—and not in the sense of a sexuality crisis like everyone loves with Steve. Rather, Max is an incredibly smart young woman, and I just know she figured out her bisexuality pretty easily on her own, and she saw Robin and immediately went “oh, that’s a homosexual.” I could see her going to Robin, pretending to be chill about it, to get some gay mentoring, like just general survival tips for being queer in Indiana.

They absolutely bond over their shared snarkiness (not that they’d ever admit it) and terrorize Steve on a daily basis. Max takes to calling him dingus with Robin. Steve just goes “oh god there’s two of them”

When Robin and Nancy starts dating, Max shows up and slams her hands down on the counter and basically grills Robin on how the hell she bagged Wheeler. She disguises it as teasing and banter, but Robin knows it’s because Max has a huge crush on El and doesn’t know the first thing about flirting with girls.

Nancy:

Nancy and Max are a little different. Max isn’t one to admit any sort of affection for anyone, but if you think Nancy isn’t her hero, you and I did not watch the same show. She probably thought Nancy was a huge priss at first, but then she watched her immediately take the rifle in season 2, then play chicken with a car in season 3. Before she even sees Nancy saw off the barrel of a shotgun, she decides Nancy is one of her idols.

Max and Nancy probably don’t talk as much to begin with because they’re so different—but I like the idea that maybe Nancy likes Wonder Woman too, so they find a shared interest there. And if they shit talk Mike and how he treats El, well, that’s their business.

After Ronance occurs, and after Max talks to Robin, she goes to Nancy instead. Robin has some game, but we all know who wears the pants in the relationship, and Max figures it out pretty quickly. Nancy probably helps her put together a plan to ask El out, takes her to get flowers, drives her to El’s house, etc.

Ronance:

We all know Max is a skater girl, and that comes with a myriad of injuries. Usually it’s just a skinned knee or a couple of bruises, but once she manages to fully break her arm. Instead of her mom or Steve or whoever else, Max’s first call is to Nancy. She naturally shows up with Robin and they bring her to the hospital. They both sign her cast and Nancy drives her home.

Nancy and Robin get more calls after that, usually involving Max’s mom being drunk again and her not wanting to be home. She never admits this, but Nancy can read people, and she knows. Nancy will pick up Max, and often Robin too, and they’ll spend the night in Nancy’s bedroom, painting each other’s nails and watching movies. El gets invited too, once Max asks her out.

Both Robin and Nancy are so excited for Max when El and her start dating. Nancy drives them to dates occasionally. Max and Robin sit and talk about their girlfriends all the time (but no one else gets to hear it from Max).

They probably help Max to open up a bit, to relax a little. She remains her snarky self, but it’s softer and she’s less afraid to be affectionate with her found family. Nancy especially I think would recognize a little of herself in Max with her issues with saying “I love you.” I think that would be a very interesting conversation for them to have.

And if you ship Elumax (which I do, because why decide between two amazing ships when polyamory exists, plausibility be damned), Nancy probably scolds Max when she’s being mean to Lucas. “That boy loves you, be nice to him,” when she threatens to dump his ass for the third time that month. Nancy is also the only one Max goes to for boy troubles, given that Robin probably immediately went “ew, I’m not talking to you about boys, ask your other mom.”

Max calls one of them mom on accident once. She never lives it down, but she also slips into it a bit more as their relationship grows. She finds that while they’re more like big sisters, they’re more moms to her than Susan (if I’m remembering the name right) has ever been. So she starts to actually refer to them as her moms, but always in a snarky way as an attempt to keep her cool reputation, but Robin visibly melts and Nancy adores it, even if she doesn’t show it.

Monster Hunter au:

Seeing as this is happening soon, I’ll include a little tease

Max is a werewolf, but in the “lore” I’m using (for lack of a better word), werewolves don’t change until their 16th birthday. Naturally this means she already knows Robin, and Robin is there to help her through it.

Robin shows her the ropes, basically how to control certain aspects of their shared lycanthropy (ie; making fangs appear at will), how to make the full moon a little easier, the safest places to go, etc.

She also introduces Max to Chrissy, who helps with a little magic that makes the shift less painful and easier to control.

Nancy actually doesn’t clock her immediately, and Robin protects her from the monster hunters as long as possible. I have a idea for a little reveal where Max is actually the one to protect Robin though 👀

I might have gotten carried away. I love them so much. Thank you so much for the ask, anon!

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

#SERIOUSPOST

I feel like an issue that most queer people experience at some point in their lives, regarding their own queerness, it's a certain amount of sense of guilt. In my personal experience, i got to admit i've always experienced a special kind of guiltiness: the knowledge that my presence itself became a danger.

When i found out i was lesbian, yeah, i was a bit afraid because i made a few researches and found a lot of stories of queer people who were beaten or even worse, in my country.

But you know when this sense of guilt actually kicked in? When i got with my girlfriend.

Because i realised then, that i was not just putting me in jeopardy on a daily basis, but also and especially putting her in jeopardy. I love her so much, and knowing that being with me is literally one of the most dangerous situations she could ever find herself into, makes me kinda want to vomit.

I mean, she's also black, therefore racism is an issue, too. But it is extremely unlikely - in Italy, at least - for a black person to be subject to physical damage because they are part of an interracial couple (where i come from, racism is displayed in different, and more "sublte" ways). On the other hand, gay couples being harrassed and/or physically attacked, it's an everyday thing.

I think about this a lot...especially when we are walking together, holding hands. When i see people giving us grim looks, i get super nervous, because i often think: "oh no, this might be the moment when somebody will feel so offended to see two women holding hands, that they will decide to do something about it". Like, this might be our turn. This time might be our fucking turn, and if something bad happens to my girlfriend, it will be because of me. To add insult to injury, our government is right-wing, extremely right-wing (some politicans openly call themselves "fascists"), and extremely homophobic, as you can expect from that kind of parties. Thanks to them, and thanks to the people who voted for them - which are a lot, if you google it- our situation has gotten a lot worse and scarier.

I know i should not complain, because there are countries out there where my fellow queers get sentenced to death just for existing, and i could say i'm lucky if i compare my situation to theirs. And yet, i can't get over the thought that, one day, something really bad may happen to me and especially to my gf, and i won't have nobody to blame except for myself and myself only.

At the end of the day, i feel like it's a matter of probability, isn't it? Things can go smooth for a certain amount of days, but, with every day that goes smooth, the odds that the next day will be as smooth go down.

Y'all, i don't mean to scare you, i just wanted to share it.

[odi-et-amo85]

Thel as matchmaker?*

*) purely platonic, mind you!

Allright, so I had an idea. This might totally backfire and people might not like me for this. But a while ago I had this thought: “I have made so many awesome friends on Tumblr in the 2+ years I have been here. Why not share the joy a bit?” Because of my autism, I tend to see patterns very fast. And I noticed I had some mutuals (if you show even the remotest interest in me I’d consider you a “mutual,” even if you don’t follow my blog 🫰) who likely never heard of each other, but who are so similar nonetheless. So, my mind started to make potential “matches.” Maybe you already know of each other (and I failed to notice) or maybe you’re not at all interested in this “experiment.” In that case, I’m sorry for wasting your time. Otherwise: without further ado, here goes to nothing! 😅

Match #1 – @guzhu-furen & @la-fourmi : Your blogs are my two main sources of Vegas smut on a daily basis. 😂 But joking aside, your main similarity would be KinnPorsche. But aside from that, you are both very badass, VERY queer and I don’t with similar fiery vibes. Leo, Vlada can let you in on the magical world of kinky BLs; Vlada, Leo has an excellent taste in music. Have fun! 😉

Match #2 – @onstoryladders & @ghosttotheparty : Ahh, my sweet bean moots! 🥰 You are both way too good for this world and cute as a button. But that probably won’t make for great conversation. In the first place, I’d just wish for both of you to have a little source of sunshine in your life like yourself. As for interests, I noticed you are both into Stranger Things so that’s a great start. Elle, Robin makes the most beautiful sketches (and I noticed they started making them of Stranger Things too); Robin, Elle writes brilliant Byler fanfics (which I just started reading 😌). Good luck! 😚

Match #3 – @dreamedofyou & @illgiveyouahint : I will be honest with you, I feel the least certain about this combination. But that’s mainly because I wonder whether you don’t already know each other. 🤔 Anyways, wait Anja why don’t you watch Between Us? 🙀 Hmm, Hana can fill you in on that. And in reverse, Anja can probably enlighten you about other cool BL shows, Hana. Hey, I noticed something. You’re both watching GAP right? (Which I sadly still have to start on. 😪) That could be a great starting point. Oh, and even though Slovenia and Czech Republic are separated by Austria, I’m sure you’re day to day experiences might be similar.

Okay, to avoid me rambling, I’ll close this segment off for today. I hope any of you might appreciate the sentiment. And hopefully enjoy the experience. Let me also take this opportunity to thank all the wonderful “friends” I made here. I know the definition and significance of “friendships” made here differs greatly from user to user. But just know that I am deeply grateful for the role that each and everyone of you played in helping me feel important, connected and seen. And therefore able to improve my mental health (to a point where I can finally say “I’m doing okay”) and take on new challenges.

[maggot-monger]

i hope this isn’t an intrusive question but do you think it’s worth getting your phd?

not an intrusive question at all! for me personally? yes, definitely! a lot goes into that though.

(this is my perspective as someone in a US doctoral program, some things that shape my opinions are different or irrelevant in other countries)

for one thing, i just genuinely really enjoy what i do day to day in the program, so it feels like a good way to spend 5+ years for that alone. a lot of people do phd programs because they need the degree for the jobs they want afterwards, but they don't like grad school. conversations i have with my peers in that position make it sound like they think it's worth it, but they have to remind themselves pretty much daily of why it's worth it, because they hate the process. by contrast, i just. think grad school is fun. it's hard in different ways from how college is hard, and it's isolating, and there's a lot of pressure because everyone around you is high-achieving, and you have to be super self-directed and deal with a lot of Academics With Issues all the time, and you're never really sure what is expected of you and whether it's expected of you right now or at some indefinite point later in the future when someone will randomly tell you "you're doing great but i notice that you've never done [huge thing you've never heard of], which makes you look kinda bad lol," and you spend a lot of time having existential crises.

but. i don't mind all that lol. i'm enthusiastic about what i'm researching, and i like being in a place with a lot of academic and artistic resources, and i like being around people who care about learning and share a lot of my values, and people here mostly get it about my pronouns/queerness in ways that i've had more trouble with in other kinds of settings, and tbh i enjoy the particular stresses of academia. so, on a day-to-day basis i'm having fun, which makes it feel more worth it to me than stuff that pays better or where you can see more immediate payoffs of your work or whatever.

(i'm also lucky that i'm in a department that has a good and supportive culture, which helps a TON. plus i love my advisor and have a great working relationship with her. that's huge. people who have bad relationships with their advisors have a much worse time and it's probably a lot less worth it for them)

financially, i'm in a field that is able to pay me in exchange for teaching. it's a kind of pathetic amount of money, but it at least takes care of most of my basic living expenses. that isn't the case for everyone in every field at every school, though, and the financial hit of making little to know money for at least a handful of years is definitely something to consider. i'm not guaranteed a job in my field after i finish the program, but there's a pretty good chance i'll be able to find something that pays me decently well when i'm done, which makes it somewhat more tolerable to be making so little now — the less security people feel that they'll be able to find something that pays better when they're done makes a huge impact on how worth it it probably feels to people. i also worked for a few years while living with family before starting my phd program, so i have a bit of savings to fall back on when the money i get from teaching can't cut it. people who come straight out of college are in a totally different position from me, especially depending on their field, and that will make a huge difference as to whether it's worth it.

the years spent working were also at a university, so i had a really good feel for what being in this environment would be like and if i could stand it for 5+ more years. it gave me some time to figure out if grad school was really the move for me, what kinds of jobs it would set me up for, if i would enjoy it while i was doing it, what things i needed in a program to be happy in it, etc. so that helps make it worth it; i picked a thing i knew i would like and that i knew would set me up for various trajectories i was interested in after finishing the program.

doctoral programs definitely give people a lot of skills, regardless of the type of program...whether that means that people will end up able to do things with those skills that they like/care about/value is a question. whether they really had to be in a phd program to get those skills is another question. but you sure will get hella skills lol

i also just. idk. value what i do. it's kind of fiddly little bullshit but i think it matters. or, i think it could matter. or, i don't care about things mattering as much i should. or, it matters to me. something related to that. anyway, that helps a lot too :p

[mermaidsirennikita]

I recently watched two internet people discuss what creatures are the sexiest, in general, vampires or werewolf. Do you have an opinion or favourite

I'm very "apples and oranges" about it.

I was a huge Twihard as a kid, I won't deny it, and obviously at that point in time I was much more into vampires, as any self-respecting Team Edward girl would be. Obviously, every creator has their own specific interpretation of vampires versus werewolves, and werewolves especially are super subjective--do they turn into full wolves, are they turning into monsters, do they get a wolf hologram situation like Kresley Cole's werewolves do, are they conscious for their shifted states, are they not... is there knotting........

But I think that on a basic level, there are two primal types we can divide them into, which suggest their appeal.

Vampires: suave, cultured and elegant, the type to wear suits on a daily basis, designer clothes, they LOOK moneyed, their dominance is something you will see in a cosmopolitan setting (they can interact more easily in human society and be recognized as Kings), they have a craving for you but the temptation must be controlled and therefore the sexuality is very much inlaid with a sense of edging--they can have a taste but they mustn't go too far. I see vampires that are often coded as European, and I frankly think that Kresley Cole's tendency to make her vampires Eastern European is FABULOUS and a great little nod to the Dracula mythos.

I will also add that the sapphic vampire concept is much more prominent than any kind of sapphic werewolf concept (I think they exist, but I don't see 'em often), and in general queerness seems to be played more into vampire mythology, probably in part because the vampires are more associated with "forbidden desire". (Desire for blood = desire for gay sex, basically.) I also feel that because werewolves are associated with animals, and specifically animals with which we have a (flawed) association with the alpha male/alpha female "mates for life to produce young" bioessentialist ingrained concept, the tendency is to think of werewolves as more aggressively het. Though of course, thanks to the wonders of the Omegaverse, there are a good number of gay werewolves. I think the gay werewolf phenomenon is just more recent than the queer vampire phenomenon.

Werewolves: hyper-masculine, all about the "beast within" and taming that beast with your pussy, the ultimate alphas in a very physical sense, associated with animalistic sex, brute strength, and relying on instinct--they're hotheaded, they won't think as much more before they act, and this translates more to "high emotion", the type of guy that will lose his shit and immediately run after you if he senses danger; they are also more associated with heightened senses, which keys into this inherent sensuality and carnality; whereas the vampire knows he must restrain himself, the werewolf must be taught to restrain himself and hold himself back (something he never does) in order to keep you safe; like the challenge of the werewolf is that he could kill you without realizing it, and therefore if he does not, he truly loves you, and you have essentially tamed the beast, won your Little Red Riding Hood challenge, and harnessed the immense power of this beastly creature for your own, which is very empowering. Also... doggy style.

At the same time, despite the hypermasculinity of the werewolf, there's also a very traditionally feminine energy associated with the moon cycle and the organic, unavoidable "change" that must occur every month. Again, Kresley Cole references this is in Pleasures of a Dark Prince, when Garreth (a werewolf) asks his heroine Lucia (an immortal valkyrie) if she's on her period (not in an insulting way, he's just trying to figure out why she's balking about sex) and she comments that because she's infertile, he's the only one between them with a "time of the month". I think that because of this, there's this very sort... "I can fix him" energy around werewolves, the idea that he will be your puppy and yours alone. I think of a werewolf and I think of a slavering beast that goes still when the Soft Love Interest puts their hand on his (and it doesn't have to be his, obviously) face and then he doesn't attack. It's like that scene in Penny Dreadful when Ethan the wolfman charges in and in a mindless rage kills several people--and then his love interest, Vanessa, touches his face and he doesn't hurt her. Because that's part of it, too--the werewolves know they can hurt you, and they're ashamed of their mindless impulses, and you being able to tame them suggests a level of vulnerability, "breaking the alpha", which is what.... I find deeply compelling. Like, they could kill everyone, and they will kill everyone for you, but you're the only one who's truly safe.

Anyway.

I think that I really love both, and I would take either, and in Kresley Cole's mythology in particular I find vampires incredibly sexy because of the concept of the "blooding". Her vampires are totally dead and have no heartbeats, don't breathe, can't have sex--until they meet their Bride, at which point their heartbeat begins again and they *need* that first release from the touch of their love interest. I love that. I think it adds *a lot* to the vampire mythology of those books. And obviously, I love the "Kiss of the Vampire" orgasmic biting thing.

BUUUUUUUT. If I had to pick one. Desert island. I would pick those werewolves, probably. Like, when it comes to men I'm really drawn to biiiig dudes, and I find the domination of the werewolves... cool.

[meyhew]

what made you stop liking harry

i rly hate when ppl post essays abt why theyre "unstanning" or whatever so its under the cut

i haven't rly vibed with him since early 2020. the first Big red flag for me was when he released the stupid STUPID covid merch, which cost me some mutuals (that i'd been previously very fond of) because i said it was a tone deaf thing for him to do and just very stupid—all the while masquerading around los angeles getting papped at the onset of a global pandemic. like that was so so stupid. i dont care if the proceeds or the profits or whatever went to charity; he could easily donate that much money out of his own pocket without putting factory workers at even more risk.

i forget when his casting in my policeman was announced but i do know that he knew about it when he was going to those black lives matter protests and kneeling with black people, knowing full well he'd agreed to play a cop—in 1950s england of all places. in a movie that will not address that racism and colonization because it's about two white gay men. newsflash: gay cops are class traitors. as a pakistani queer person, i HATE his involvement in that story and there's nothing u can say to change my mind about that

not excited about dont worry darling bc every mf on the planet has been obsessed with olivia wilde and if he's fucking her or if she's an evil bitch or whatever and im bored. i dont care

i fucking hate pleasing. i HATE pleasing. i hate that its a "lifestyle" brand, which means they can sell literally anything they want without actually having any credibility or authority to do so. im sick of celebrity makeup brands but at least those celebrities deal with makeup a lot on a daily basis. harry specifically has no business putting out skincare items—which aren't even good—and charges the prices that he has. i hate how much they charge for shipping and for literally everything, and how late their deliveries are. taking literal months and months. yes i know harry himself doesnt dictate all of that but it's his name attached to the brand. if i have a problem with ariana grande's makeup line, i'm going to complain about ariana grande—not the people putting together the formulas. u know?

OH. there was also that nfl/pepsi fiasco. lmao. forgot about that until now but that made me feel incredibly icky and im glad it was disaster

i didn't like harry's house

i also dont like his silence regarding palestine. ironically this isnt AS much of a contributing factor bc he doesnt need to comment on everything going on in the world but he has a habit of saying something when tragedy strikes somewhere that isn't palestine. so that has left a bad taste in my mouth <3

and i HATE his fans. the way they talk about him is so fucking obnoxious. if they didnt harass me literally every single maybe i might still care a little bit. but i blacklisted his name a few months ago bc blocking only goes so far and i did not want to see what these freaks were saying, which resulted in me rarely ever seeing anything harry related. and i realized... i don't really care if i dont see him. and that was that. it's not like any one big thing happened and i decided i hate him. i just realized i dont rlly love him anymore the way i once did. i still really love self titled and fine line and i'll probably still listen to any other music he puts out but yeah. thats all

[mattslaboratory]

did you see 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐖 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋 at that rager last night? i think they major in 𝘾𝙃𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙍𝙔 as a 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙄𝙊𝙍. from what i hear they’re 𝘾𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙑𝙀 & 𝙎𝙋𝙊𝙉𝙏𝘼𝙉𝙀𝙊𝙐𝙎, but they can be pretty 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙊𝙏𝙄𝘾 too, depending on who you ask.

there was a rumor going around last semester that 𝙝𝙚 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙪��𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙪𝙗𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙨, but it seems way too wild to be true- maybe i’ll to get to know UCSB’s resident 𝐌𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓 better & find out.  

  一  portrayed by 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒕, penned by 𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒆.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒一𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆 一 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀 一𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 一𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

AGE: 23 

PRONOUNS: he/him

SEXUALITY: queer

HOMETOWN: London, England 

HOUSING: officially with @burkeshq​ at san joaquin. unofficially, at sierra madre village [off campus], with @beaunjour​ & @cfbuchanan​, dorm 150

EXTRACURRICULARS: men's soccer (defender, centre-back), ghost hunting club (he runs the subreddit, which is /r/ucsbmyths), yoga club and top chef cooking & baking club

NOTABLE HOBBIES: bothering his friends, smoking stuff, causing chaos, listening to podcasts and conspiracy theories, experimental chemistry, mixology, driving (he’s horrible at it, an actual danger for society), smooching with homies, meddling into his friend's lives (especially their love lives), cool experiments, partying, being loud as a whole, pranking people who deserve it (according to his own judgement lmao) . however, he's also really into animals and protecting them, so he'll always stop what he's doing to pet cute animals. 

CATCHPHRASE: "listen, but what if we did [insert here crazy idea/half-baked plan]" 

THEME SONG: young volcanoes, by fall out boy ( + 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 )

POSITIVE TRAITS: creative / spontaneous / loving

NEGATIVE TRAITS: petty / chaotic / privileged

SOCIAL MEDIA HANDLE: @mattfaraday 

PETS: a cat named CC (Cookies and Cream), which he shares the parenthood with @ophelala​ and @cerulli​ + Beau’s dogs​

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀​

campbell family’s backstory by becca @burkeshq

The Campbell family is a pretty well-off household from London, the kind of people who have more money than sense. Dex and Dennis Campbell, brothers who inherited the money and didn’t spare efforts to keep the family name. While Dex was a long-running member of parliament with a slim-to-none chance of losing an election, Dennis was a stock broker with a Cambridge degree on Economics and made a lot of money on a daily basis. 

That, alongside the family’s property portfolio and frequent donations accepted from companies to keep Dex’s votes in their favour, has meant that the family would never want for anything. Due to this, Matt’s grown up to be a sheltered and privileged child.

Dennis and Clara, his parents, are still married and have three children 一 the middle child being Matt. He didn’t have to grow up quickly or take charge as the eldest, his only duty was obeying - which he promptly did without questioning.

It’s not that he was passive to a situation, his life was really easy and there was no reason for him to do anything different than what he was told to. That said, you can just assume that he’s really innocent for some things about the real world, like taxes and the way law works.

What you see? That’s exactly what you’re gonna get from him. He’s petty, sometimes really mean and irresponsible, chaotic, loves to make new friends and experiment on different things.

He studied at a posh school near London, alongside his cousin, Burke 一 Dex’s son. The funny thing is: he never even liked chemistry. He just liked to try new things and see how they would react, which was more more cool than the way professors taught things at school. He’s a smart child, too lazy to do things the proper way and probably has ADHD.

All in all, he’s pretty easygoing and his parents are okay with him being queer. Not because they are understandable or supporting, but because this is the smaller of Matt’s issues.

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻

In order to get here, Matt had to confront his parents for the first time. He wanted to be free of them, at least for a while, and the best way to do it was... You guessed, crossing an entire ocean!

Their marriage was falling apart, things at home were awful and he couldn’t stand it anymore. Thus, he took the opportunity to go to America and go to college there. Not that his parents like the situation, no. They remind him of how poor of a choice that is at least once a day.

Now, Matt is living his dreams of freedom and trying new things. He’s not completely oblivious stuff teenagers and young adults do, so it’s not like he’s seeing things for the first time.

For now, his goal is to survive the year and figure out what the fuck he’s doing before graduation.​

@cybulletin​

[hi-my-name-is-dotdotdot]

how come I can't write my common app essay but I can go off on a slightly related tangent and write... 543 words on kids learning about the world

I am now posting that because I didn't type it all up to sit in my google docs forever

(The "Looking back" to begin was referencing the college essay - something about watching a bunch of space science shows when I was little. my parents were always like "how do you understand any of that" and it made me think of this)

Looking back, it’s made me realize that kids are capable of understanding a lot more than we give them credit for. They don’t have a basis of comparison to think “oh, that’s complicated,” they simply comprehend it. Try explaining general relativity to an adult, or even to teenagers like my physics class last year, and you’ll be met with confusion. After all, the idea that time, distance, and even direction aren’t constant is hard to accept when the observations and experiences of your whole entire life tell you that they are. “How does that work?!” You’ll wonder. But a kid… sure. “Why not?” They might say. Kids are learning new things about how the world works all the time. When I was 3, I thought the moon belonged in Michigan and that I wouldn’t see it anymore when we moved to Texas but was delighted to spot my old friend in our new state. Not confused, not incredulous, simply ecstatic. The point is, kids are used to unlearning assumptions in favor of reality because they have to do it on the daily. There’s no reason that shouldn’t extend to more complex topics like astrophysics. Big masses bend space-time? *shrug* Okay, why not? This makes light bend? Okay, why not? The Solar System has a lot more than the eight or nine planets and the asteroid belt? Okay, why not? There might be a hidden planet out in the Kuiper belt? Okay, why not? Stars collapse into black holes that nothing ever escapes from? Okay, why not? Blue is actually the hottest color even though we think of it as cold? Okay, why not?

Why? Not? 

A kid hasn’t yet built the instinct to automatically fight that “why not” with answers. “Well, I always knew-” They’re not gonna do that. Yesterday they learned that subtracting is adding with negative numbers and that leap years don’t happen once every 200 years. They have no reason to fight you on something that, in their perspective, has no reason to be more important than that. 

This is making me think of those posts about how all that “protect the children” rhetoric is actually ridiculous. Just straight-up saying you don’t want your kids to know about queer people is one thing, but disguising under the pretense that it’s going to be “too confusing” or an “adult” topic doesn’t hold up. No one’s saying teach a five-year-old how sex works, but acknowledging that two men or two women can fall in love just like mommy and daddy won’t do any harm. Acknowledging that some people don’t like the gender they were born with won’t do any harm. A kid knowing queer people can exist isn’t gonna scar them for life. It’s probably only the twentieth most confusing thing they’ve learned in the past day, let alone week. When you grow up learning that everything has to be exactly one way - that everyone is cisgender and straight and not queer in any way - that’s when you have trouble opening your mind to other possibilities. That’s when you say, “I’ve known this my whole life so it must be true.” But if you’re introduced to these ideas as a kid (to be ab-so-lute-ly clear, in an age-appropriate manner) - Okay, why not?

[survivor-marieta-islands]

Cast Reveal #1 - Antigua - Old School

EMAN | SHE/THEY | 47 | MARYLAND, USA | SCIENTIST

First Survivor Season: Stings Rokkenjima (December 2021)

Intro: Right now I'm really into duck metaphors, so you know how everything looks really calm on the surface but their feet are madly paddling under the water? That's me. Also, I'm super dumb; I just play smart on TV. I have a story or metaphor for every occasion, but usually they require way too much explanation, see also the duck.

Three Words to Describe You: stubborn, snarky, sweet

Hobbies and Passions: Old Bay, the city of Baltimore, my dogs, and cooking

What You're Most Proud Of: Honestly? My own resilience.

Why You'll Win: Because I have a dazzling smile and a winning personality, and also I'll bribe and/or blackmail every juror.

AMY | SHE/HER | | 31 |KANSAS CITY, USA | ARCHAEOLOGIST

First Survivor Season: Stings Tierra del Fuego (July 2020)

Intro: hi 👋 i'm amy and i'm an archaeologist. my most recent hyperfixation has just ended, so this game couldn't have started at a better time. things i like rn: spontaneous concert road trips, making friendship bracelets, trying to remember where i put things, hot chicken, gardening my tomato forest. let's have fun 💜

3 Words to Describe You: forgetful, kind, carrots

Hobbies and Passions: things i'm passionate about: i like dirt and trash so much i made it my job. i live in center of the venn diagram of pop punk, broadway, and disney. i like france but not the smell of paris. i think we would all benefit from more whimsy in our lives.

What You're Most Proud Of: well it's definitely not my fear of answering such deep questions casually

Why You'll Win: no ☺️

COLIN | HE/THEY/ANY | 23 | KANSAS CITY, MO | ADMIN ASSISTANT

First Survivor Season: Athena Emathia (February 2017)

Intro: hey babes. I'm colin, i'm 23, and i'm really excited to meet everyone and play this game!! i'm a huge fuckin nerd, so talk to me about nerd shit. i'm known for being messy and chaotic but I'm fun to be around at least (:

3 Words to Describe You: chaotic, queer, cute

Hobbies and Passions: Video games, board games, sci fi, dancing, gossip

What You're Most Proud Of: i make a mean homemade alfredo sauce i'm pretty proud of

Why You'll Win: I hope everyone is just nice to me and lets me win please

ELLIE | SHE/THEY/HE | 18 | GEORGIA | COLLEGE STUDENT

First Survivor Season: Stings Rotuma (May 2019)

Intro: Hi y’all!! My name is Ellie, I’m 18 and a freshman in college (idk if I will ever get used to saying that). I major in theatre education and this game literally starts the day of auditions for a production of into the woods so let’s hope that went well! I am here and out of retirement and I’m super excited to meet everyone!

3 Words to Describe You: Loud, caring, and funny

Hobbies and Passions: Theatre! I generally do about 4 shows a year, theatre means everything to me! I also did speech and debate in high school which I now judge, and I’m majoring in theatre education :)

What You're Most Proud Of: Probably the friends I’ve made and just my personal growth :) also the fact that irl anytime the song tik tok by Ke$ha plays people think of me and text me that “my song” is playing

Why You'll Win: I don’t! No jkjk I would say that my ability to go with the flow will bid me very well in this game

JG | HE/HIM | PITTSBURGH, PA | FREELANCE JOURNALIST

First Survivor Season: Deception Romania (April 2015)

Intro: Heyo. It's been a minute. Working a boring 9-5, making content in free time. I haven't played in years so I'm ready for the best belly flop.

3 Words to Describe You: Charismatic, Empathetic, and Passionate

Hobbies and Passions: Film, Traveling, Board Games and Star Wars

What You're Most Proud Of: Discovering what I love to do and working towards making that what I do on a daily basis to make a living.

Why You'll Win: It's been a while a since I've played and I have lots of experience not so much winning but in general. I am getting good vibes with this season already.

[strshn]

I haven't posted in so so so long. but I promise you it's a good thing. I honestly almost forgot I had this blog lmao. things have gotten so much better! are they as good as I want them to be? of course not. but it's the best they've been literally ever. I still struggle a ton but idk. things are just so different...

my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up. how insane is that??? I've waited and yearned and begged my whole life for love, and I am trying my best to never take it for granted, not even for a second. I am so lucky to have him by my side.

I've come out to people irl... IN. REAL. LIFE. I go by my preferred name and pronouns to my bf, my friends, I even told my mom this past weekend and it's been nothing but support. tbf I have only told people that I know will be supportive, but still. it feels amazing, and freeing in a way I could have never guessed.

I'm off my meds. all of them. have been for I think almost 2 years now. ditched therapy too. and I'm not saying it's a good thing, I do wish I had some support in the way of a therapist, and maybe some meds would make things even better but idk I've been coping on my own. somehow lol. it's hard and I get exhausted very easily and I so very much wish I could do more on a daily basis but I do what I can, and I forgive myself for not being able to do more. I praise myself for what I can accomplish, even if it's minimal. I cook, I clean, I take care of our cats. I get so tired so easily but... I'm doing more now than I ever did on meds, and frankly it's so fucking strange.

is life hard? absolutely. but I've grown and changed and things are different but also better. my bpd is almost like an afterthought? yes I still experience symptoms. but idk. it's not the same as it was. maybe because I'm happy and secure in my relationship, it's a long term commitment. I have in the back of my mind that it could still end up going terribly wrong, but I don't dwell on it like younger me probably would have. I have bad days, sure. depression isn't gonna go away. and neither will anxiety or ADHD. probably have autism too but I haven't really gotten into that rabbit hole yet.

but idk. I'm just glad to be doing okay. and not having the extreme moods like I used to. do I still hate myself and want to unalive myself from time to time? of course! but. it's more like "I'm tired and the world sucks and I'm sick of working myself to death and still not having enough money to survive can this please end already" which I think is reasonable and a lot of ppl feel that way. the world does suck. but I keep going for my cats and my boyfriend. idk it all sucks but I know there is nothing else to do.

I sleep a lot. I'm tired a lot. I have some physical ailments I need to get fixed. mentally idk. it's just a strange time for me. I'm able to just ignore my shit most of the time, or when I can't, I cry it out and take a nap and try to tell myself that I can keep going, and I will be okay. even if maybe it isn't true, I mean who knows.

I stream on twitch sometimes. I'm working on finding good friends. I'm working on officially coming out. I'm working on getting better at makeup and hair. I'm working on trying to figure out how to write again. Overall, I'm working on being exactly who I want to be. and it feels awesome.

I know this page is usually depressing. I've had a rough life and need somewhere to vent. at least this one time I can vent about how good I am beginning to feel. how good my life has turned out to be even if I still struggle a lot of days, especially financially I struggle a ton. but I'm still here and more queer than ever lol. and I'm doing all right.

I always used to see "it gets better" posts and I half wanted to believe them and half told myself it would never ever happen for me. maybe everyone else but never me... well it's happened for me. it is still happening, tbh. every day things are looking up, even the days where I feel down. it's, at the very least, not the same as it used to be. and I'll take anything over the heart-wrenching emotions I used to feel daily. the mood swings, the obsessions, the infatuations, the utter hopelessness of everyday life for me was so overwhelming. I'm glad it has toned down for me, and thing have changed. and that things are even slightly better.

I have no outlook or expectations for the future. but I think that's for the best. I have things I want to do here and now, and I'll worry about the rest later. I'm just happy I'm finally becoming who I want to be, and I'm happy I have any amount of happiness and love in my life. that's all I ever wanted, love. and I think I have it! so don't be so glum, younger me, or anyone out there reading this that can relate to how I used to think and act and feel. it will be okay. and as cliche as it is, it will get better. or at the very least, things will change with time. things will not stay the same, things will evolve and change and mutate and metamorphosize. things will change, the future will be different. and idk that just gives me hope, that I won't be stuck in one place or one feeling or one rut forever.

the future is open and a mystery, flow into it and go along with it. it will be worth it to see the world, and your self, in a different light.