#zuko is such a disaster we need to study him

[ladyloveandjustice]

It's actually so hilariously hypocritical of Zuko to scoff at Aang when he talks about not taking revenge and not wanting to kill, when he went out of the way to try to save Zhao right after the man nearly succeeded in killing him. And also spared Zhao's life during their little Agni Kai. He repeatedly refused revenge and murder. I hope Aang finds out about it one day and gets his ass.

It honestly almost seems like he became MORE pro murder post-redemption, which is funny, but it's more like he'a pro righteous murder as long as someone else does it. Not him.

Notably he's all "Aang you have to kill my dad" but he didn't actually kill Ozai when he had the opportunity. He's all "it's the Avatar's destiny!" but come on. that was an excuse. He just didn't want to do it. Which is understandable, even though he knows Ozai deserves it, it would still be extremely traumatic for him to kill his father. So he passes it off to Aang. And then berates Aang for not wanting to kill his dad, the exact thing he didn't want to do, like a loser.

And fittingly, only time he seriously tries to murder someone was when he hired Combustion Man to kill Aang in peak desperation and even that was "someone else should do it. I don't have to be there or think about it. I didn't technically kill him someone else did"

(You can also argue that him being so passionate about helping with the righteous murder of people who were agents of the genocide is driven by a sense of guilt too, which is why he's so extra about it. It probably is. On top of that, I think he very much dragged his own mom issues into helping Katara specifically)

So yeah I also hope Aang finds out about his opportunity to kill his dad and roasts him like he deserves. Man who says murder is okay really means "it's okay if you do it".

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Three Little Changes (Part 15)

I mentioned a few chapters back that I might put a pause on this fic and start a different one because I'm just not vibing with this one as much. I'm kind of leaning towards doing that. While I don't hate how this fic is going, I'm starting to think that I will eventually if I keep pushing with it. I'd rather put it on hold then put out chapters that I feel are lackluster/not on par with my usual work. With this fic I just feel like I haven't really been hitting the emotional scenes as well as I usually do so I'm probably going to work on another one for a while and come back to this one when the inspiration hits.

I hope that everyone reading will understand this decision.

There is a hum in the hallways, an itching, an excited tickle. The one that comes exactly once a year. It begins at on monday as a faint twitch, but by friday it is a full blown sensation. The air is full of promise and thrill. Anticipation for that sublime two months of freedom. 

Jet talks about a vacation to his summer home across the globe set to end the summer. Chan stands on the lunch table, enduring glares from Long Feng as he announces his annual midsummer barbeque. The one he holds every year when his parents take their yearly resort retreat. 

Somehow they still haven’t found out about a thing. Somehow the place is always in tip top shape by the time their cruise ship pulls back into Caldera Coast. 

This summer he swears will be the best one yet. He says that every year. Katara never believes him. It is only their freshman summer, they will only be sophomores next year. It’s hardly monumental.

She can’t imagine that next year will be more exciting than this year had been. She sure hopes that it won’t be. Not if excitement is anything similar to Azula’s narrowly avoided catastrophe. The girl in question is coming down the hallway with an armful of papers and a look of purpose in her eyes. Gossiping classmates part without question. And Katara finds that isn’t all too worried about a repeat of that near disaster these days. Azula seems rather content with her new look, her new persona; this formal attire dashed with a youthful touch of punk.

“What is all of that?” Katara gestures the papers. 

“All of the stuff that I’m going to burn during Chan’s bonfire.”

“Chan’s bonfire?”

“Right, you were never invited to his parties.” She says bluntly. “Every year at his bonfire everyone tosses all of the previous year’s school work into the fire. All of those assignments that were particularly unbearable, ones with bad grades, things of that nature.” 

“You hate a lot of assignments.” Katara quirks a brow.

“Oh, these are mostly Zuzu’s. I need to keep all of my classwork–I might need it again.” She shrugs. “But I have to burn something.”

“And Zuko doesn’t mind?”

Azula passes her a few of the topmost pages. Katara flips through them; most of which are blank or only partially filled. 

“He won’t miss any of it.” Azula shrugs. She frowns at the papers in her arms.

“What’s wrong?” 

Azula’s brows furrow. “I think that he’s going to drop out.” Her grip on the pages tightens ever so slightly. “Maybe I should have helped him with that history paper…”

“What Zuko does isn’t your fault. Just like it wasn’t my fault when Sokka stopped studying astronomy because ‘sports are way cooler’.” Katara shakes her head. “He doesn’t even like sports. Anyways they’re our older siblings they should be making sure we don’t do ridiculous things, not the other way around.”

“Zuko can’t even watch himself…” Azula grumbles. 

“Well, he has all summer to change his mind and step it up.” 

“Right…” nothing in her tone sounds optimistic. 

“So what are your plans for the summer?” Katara changes the subject. “You’re probably going to be busy this year with all of your new friends.”

Azula shrugs, biting her lip. “I was invited to a lot of parties and summer houses, yes.” She confirms. 

“But?”

She shrugs. “Father has other ideas for me. It’s okay though!” She adds quickly. “Aside from Chan’s parties–which are pretty boring, if you were curious–I don’t really do large social gatherings.”

Katara cracks a smile. “You’re nervous!”

“I am not.” Azula folds her arms across her chest. 

“You didn’t think that you would get this popular, did you. And you have no idea what you’re doing?”

“I am not nervous.” She insists. 

“If you say so.”

“At any rate, I’m not interested in most of the people who invited me anyhow. They only started talking to me because I threw glitter at Star and some other stuff…” She pauses. “Admiration isn’t the same as…” she furrows her brows. “Talking to them doesn’t feel like talking to you, Mai, TyLee, and Chan.” 

“Other stuff?” Katara quirks a brow. 

Azula shrugs. “I saw Star at the mall and slipped a few lipsticks into her purse. Everyone thought that it was funny. Except for she and Lian of course. And mall security.” 

“You’re terrible.”

“She deserved it.”

Katara tries not to laugh. Geez, the last thing that Azula needs is someone to enable her devious antics. “Wait a minute, what do you mean by talking to all of these new people doesn’t feel like talking to me?”

She gives another shrug. “I guess talking to everyone else feels…inauthentic. They wouldn’t like me if I liked reading a little too much, if I did my hair the wrong way, if they knew how much I enjoy history and debate…”

“Oh I’m pretty sure everyone is aware of that.”

Azula rolls her eyes. “They wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t athletic to go with that. Or if I, brought a gun to school and made a sport of that.”

“Azula!” She exclaims. “That’s kind of messed up! You can’t just say that!”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly, what?”

“If I made a joke like that to any of these new people who suddenly want me to come to their ridiculous parties they would stop talking to me right away. And then it would get around that I’m actually adopted and that I killed several people at some school in Ba Sing Se.” She pauses. “You, Mai. TyLee, Chan…you guys don’t do that to me. You all let me say what I say.” Another pauses. “Well the other three do. You like to say stuff like, ‘Azula no!’. But you don’t look at me like I’m crazy. And that’s after what you saw.” 

“You’re different, Azula. It’s refreshing. But a lot of people just don’t get that. They don’t like giving different a chance because rooting for someone like TyLee is easy. She’s bubbly and sweet and it’s comfortable for people.”Katara replies. “And then there’s you and you’re…you’re just all sorts of things and I think that it confuses people.”

“It doesn’t confuse you, Mai, and TyLee.”

“Mai and TyLee grew up with you; they understand you. Believe me, I am confused by a lot of stuff you say and do.” Katara laughs. “But I also like getting to know you. The you that isn’t…you know…an absolute nightmare.”

Azula stuffs her hands into her pockets. “Thank you, Katara. This is why talking to you feels different. It’s…”

“You can say the word ‘friendship’ you know?” Katara quirks a brow. 

Azula furrows hers. Her bemused look is almost laughable. It would be if the implications weren’t so thoroughly depressing. “We’re friends?”

“Yeah, Azula.” She puts a hand on Azula’s back. “I kind of figured that you would have figured that out by now.” She pulls Azula into a tight hug. 

.oOo.

Ozai is still awake when she gets home. It isn’t as though she had expected him to be asleep. On the country, she had assumed that he would still be at the table waiting to ask her how signups went and when the summer programs will officially begin. He observes her approach with his chin resting upon his clasped hands.

She isn’t ready to tell father what she has done yet; rather what she won’t be doing.

“Well?” He asks.

“It went well.” She lies. “They will be emailing me the start dates and locations shortly.”

His smile looks so authentic, he is actually proud of her, thoroughly pleased and excited for her and all of the doors he thinks she has opened for herself. He clamps a hand over her shoulder and squeezes. “You’re shaping a stable, successful future for yourself.”

It makes her wish that she had just told him the truth. To hear him yelling, to have him throw her out with a declaration that he won’t be speaking to her ever again–those things she had anticipated, she had prepared to protect herself from that. 

This…

This makes her second guess

This makes her wonder if she is making a deep mistake. . 

Perhaps she has been shortsighted. Perhaps she has thrown away her future and for something that may well just be a quick summer fling or something that will end miserably when Katara finds someone gentler and more compassionate. She is nearly certain that she has enough intelligence and skills to get her into the schools she’d like to attend. At any rate she still has nearly three years to sign up for more prep courses. 

But there is a nagging in her mind. 

A sense that today has been the start of the end of her aspirations. 

It has been a long time since he has done so, but tonight Ozai hugs her. He strokes her hair and he promises her that he has big plans for her. For the both of them. That he is ready to take his pearl diving business and expand it. 

He tells her that she has proved that she is ready to help him run a company in the making. 

She has proved to herself that she is good at making a mess of things; ruining a path that had been so clear and easy.

And suddenly it isn’t so hard for her to imagine herself smoking pot in an alleyway with Ruon and winding up in a cell near Zuzu’s.

She misses Zuzu.

She misses mother. 

She misses how things were before the second accident. 

She misses when father was only just beginning as a pearl diver.

She misses the simplicity. When there were no expectations. When there was no mansion, just a little shack on the beach. She hardly remembers that time. And maybe that’s why it’s so hard for her to accept that she might be heading right back to something like that, and this time without father, mother, and brother.

[rolandtowen]

Prince Zuko was a harsh, entitled boy.

Firelord Zuko is a ruler who makes amends. - a study in the various side characters that Zuko came across in his banishment, and how he repays his past actions.

Read Chapter One on ao3 or under the cut! TW for referenced non-con and colonialism

[I believe @flamehotman and @flameomcfirey wanted to be tagged?]

Chapter One: Song

We will get there when we get there, don't you worry Feel bad about the things we do along the way But not really that bad We inhaled the frozen air Lord, send me a mechanic if I'm not beyond repair

- The Mountain Goats

It happened on a Tuesday afternoon.

Zuko was meeting with the agricultural council, a collection of both scholars and farmers, to discuss best practices for renewing the Fire Nations agricultural trade. For so many decades, the Fire Nation out-sourced its agriculture to land in the colonies and imported much of its food. But with the land being given back, the Fire Nation was either going to have to begin growing its own food again, or import their food at a fair price. The economic committee decided on Monday that reviving the Fire Nation farms would be far more cost effective - and of course, would create more jobs in the Fire Nation. With the war over, the number of soldiers that the military required had dropped dramatically, and there were many citizens without work. Zuko had instated severance benefits for unemployed soldiers - the ones not found guilty of war crimes of course, mostly the young recruits - but it couldn't last forever.

It was maddening. Every time Zuko unraveled one problem, he undoubtedly found or created another one. He was trying, really trying, to keep his people safe. But he also had a duty to the rest of the world. The nations that his lineage colonized, pillaged, and destroyed. He resists the urge to write to Aang, to ask him how he does it, how he balances all of the nations in every action he takes. But Aang is busy, all of his friends are, spread thin to the four corners of the world.

Uncle visits him occasionally, when the letters from staff concerned about Zuko's health pile up on his desk. One too many servants have found him, asleep at his desk, face down in treaty papers. But Uncle has his hands full. He already splits his time enough between the Jasmine Dragon and Ember Island, looking after Azula.

Azula.

She was improving, and that's really all Zuko can ask for. He sees her a couple of times a month, pours her a cup of tea, and they sit on the balcony of their vacation-house-turned-mental-retreat. Most of the time, they don't talk. Zuko won't push her; he remembers his silence in his first few months of being banished, how Uncle had to coax him to say anything at meals. Sometimes the only words he uttered in a day were in prayer before meditation. Zuko had thought to himself, speaking out got me into this mess: I'll never speak again.

He's not sure what words were exchanged between Azula and Ozai before he left her and went to burn down the Earth Kingdom, but he can guess it wasn't good. Few of his father's words were.

So they sit and drink their tea. Sometimes, on a good day, Zuko will fix up Azula's hair for her, and she'll reveal some bits of information that he files away for future examination. Something like, I saw Mom before you came with Master Katara. Or she'll double check her reality, asking, you let Ty Lee and Mai out of jail, right? and Zuko will say yes, her friends are safe, they should be visiting any day now.

As painful as seeing her may be, spending time with Azula is far preferable to sitting through an agricultural council meeting.

He looks down at the paper in front of him, a comprehensive budget list for all of the supplies needed to revitalize the Fire Nation's agricultural sphere. Dozens of machines that he's sure Sokka had a hand in inventing, hundreds of varieties of seeds that Omashu is generously selling to them, and -

Thousands of ostrich-horses.

"Councilor Yichen, can you elaborate on the number of animals in this budget? Certainly with the machines we'll provide, farmers will not need so many working livestock."

Councilor Yichen stands, giving a little bow in Zuko's direction. "Of course, Lord Zuko. While the machines will certainly boost productivity, we only have enough for one per farming village at this point. Each family needs at least one working animal, if not to plow the fields, then to transport goods. We decided on ostrich-horses on a recommendation from farmers in the Earth Kingdom colonies, who found them to be invaluable. An ostrich-horse is, in many ways, more valuable than a machine."

Zuko's stomach settles uncomfortably, but he isn't entirely sure why. "Thank you, Councilor. I understand now."

Yichen gives another little bow before he sits, and the rest of the meeting goes as planned, with the exception of a strange seed of unknown guilt now growing in Zuko's stomach.

"Uncle, do you remember when you made tea out of that poisonous plant?"

Uncle laughs, hands faltering as he pours Zuko a cup of jasmine tea. "I remember, Nephew. How could I ever forget?"

"Do you remember the girl who helped you?"

Uncle takes a sip of the warm tea. "Song. Her mother made the best roast duck." He looks at Zuko out of the corner of his eyes. "Why do you ask?"

Zuko looks out over the gardens. He's able to see the whole palace grounds from where they're seated on the second-floor balcony, watching the sun rise. As far as the eye can see, Zuko is upheld as a flawless ruler, his word taken as law. He's sick of it.

"I stole her ostrich-horse," he murmurs into his tea, taking a sip to calm his nerves. "I just remembered, in that agricultural meeting a few days ago. I - I never knew how essential those were to farmers, I just thought I was taking their ride." He turns to fully face his Uncle. "But I think I took a lot more than that."

Uncle meets his eyes with understanding. "And now you want to give it back."

"I know there's no way for me to fully apologize for how I acted in exile, but it feels like I have to try." The cup quivers a bit in his hands, and so his hands drop to his lap. "I'll need someone to watching over the Nation while I'm gone."

Uncle places one of his warm hands over Zuko's shaking ones. "I'm sure I can deal with your advisors for a few days." He squeezes his hand just slightly around Zuko's. "I'm proud to see that even in a few short months, your wisdom as a ruler is growing. Go, make your amends. The Nation will be here when you return." Uncle calls for Zuko's secretary and tells her to clear as much of the Firelord's schedule as she can for the next week. Their voices fade into the background as Zuko stares into his tea, wracking his brain to try and figure out how to track down just one girl in the entire Earth Kingdom. Sending scouts or soldiers from town to town is a recipe for disaster, and the Earth Kingdom villages have been traumatized enough. He supposes he could always call in a ride on his favorite air bison but - this feels like something he should do on his own.

If Song hates him, it might be hard for her to show it in front of the Avatar.

So he'll go alone. No friends, no royal guard. He'll come into Song's town the same way he came last time - defenseless. She can hate him if she wants, he'll give her that.

And he'll try to give back what he took from her.

He packs light, pulling an old tunic and boots from the back of his wardrobe. Though they've been thoroughly cleaned by the palace staff, the scent of campfires and smoke linger upon them. He grabs a cloak - the Earth Kingdom will be starting to chill at this time of year - and he slips out of the palace, using the servant's entrance to get onto the streets unseen.

Autumn comes quietly in the Earth Kingdom. The trees slowly lose their color, giving the last of their strength into vibrant leaves. Soldiers previously conscripted to fight in the war have either returned to their families or have gone to tend to the scorched earth where the Phoenix King made landfall. They clear the debris of fallen airships, making room for the earth to slowly restore herself.

Song envies those soldiers.

Their lives have changed with the ending of the war, but Song's life continues on, its mundane routine continuing over and over again. She cares for a small garden, crafts herbal remedies for her neighbors, and tries to make her mother comfortable. She curses the Spirits for their cruel sense of humor - her mother survives the greatest war ever seen, lives through the attempted invasion of her homeland, only to be struck down by frailty months after the end of it all. Hasn't she suffered enough? Song has whispered those words to the woods on her way to the well time and time again. Now, her body is just - stopping.

Her mother is dying and there's nothing she can do.

Song knows all living things have their time. And she's seen too many living beings go before their rightful time. But she never imagined her mother's time would be in a time of peace. Wasn't ending the war supposed to stop all this pain? Apparently not. She tries not to become bitter, knows that that's the last thing her mother would want for her, but - it hurts. And there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

The leaves from dying trees crackle under her feet.

She arrives at the well, alone. Her hometown is just barely beginning to wake up, rising from its slumber as mothers bring in dry clothes from the clotheslines and fathers begin to toil in the fields. Children run freely from street to street, with a joy that was forbidden during the Fire Nation's occupation. They're kicking at a ball, passing it from one pair of bare feet to another, and Song smiles at them. Someday, maybe.

She sets her water jug on the stone wall of the well and begins to lower the bucket before hearing the ball make impact and a man's voice grunt, "oof!". She spins rapidly around to see a young man, rear planted firmly in the dirt, one hand rubbing at his forehead while the other wipes at a watering eye. The group of children stand, frozen, and she gives them a look, and unspoken command to stay and apologize to the man they just hit with their ball.

"Here, take my hand," Song holds out her right hand, and the man takes it. When the young man meets her eyes, she almost drops him back in the dirt. He has those amber eyes, and she can just see under his loose hair - a burn scar. "Lee?!"

He stands, brushing dust from his cloak, and she catches the hints of red fabric that lie beneath. She recoils. He sighs. "Um, about that." Song sees his hands tremble against his cloak. "My name's not Lee - and I'm from the Fire Nation."

Song reacts as if she'd been slapped. She trips backwards, away from Not Lee, landing hard against the stone of the well. Her leg is aching, feels like its on fire all over again, looking into those amber eyes.

"How could you? I let you into my home." She braces her hands against the well, her leg threatening to give out at any moment. "Now it all makes sense, that you stole from me. That's all you ashmakers are good for." She spits, and it lands on his scarred cheek. "You take land that isn't yours, take women that aren't yours, you take lives!" Her leg finally collapses, and she sinks to the ground with her back against the well. Not Lee makes a move, and she throws her hands up. "Don't you touch me," she grits out, clutching at her leg. He stills, and she wraps her arms around herself, bringing her knees to her chest. "I pitied you, you know? I thought your mother must've been - I looked at your eyes and thought you were a victim like me, like my mother." Her whole body is trembling, but she doesn't care. "But I bet you know who your father is, I bet you're proud to have his eyes."

Not Lee mirrors her, curling in on himself, not even bothering to wipe his face clean. "I do know who my father is, but I'm not proud of him." He looks up to meet her eyes, and Song is struck by how young he looks. When she'd last seen him, he'd looked gaunt, malnourished, with sharp cheekbones. Now, his face had filled out and he looks - young? The scar makes him look older as well, but when you look on the opposite side of his face - all she can see is a kid, couldn't be older than a teenager.

And he was crying.

Stubborn as he is, Not Lee is resolutely ignoring the tears slowly falling from his eyes, but nevertheless - they fell. Song didn't expect that reaction. Tears are not what she expected from a Fire National. Anger, rage, violence - those are the things she's tasted at the hands of firebenders, but this? This is new.

"I'm sorry," Not Lee whispers, looking at his feet. "I came to apologize, I wanted to repay you for your kindness and return what I took. But I think I've overstayed my welcome." He scrubs at his face roughly with the heel of one hand. "But I am, truly sorry. I acted selfishly the last time I was in your home, and I took advantage of your compassion. And I understand that my nation has done even worse. I'm trying to make it better." He pulls his hair back with a band. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I would like to purchase you a new ostrich-horse. And anything else you or your mother may require."

Without warning, Not Lee shifts from his seat position to a bowing one, kneeling with his head pressed to the dry earth. Song stares at him for a small eternity, before realizing that he's waiting, unmoving, for her response. For her judgement.

She lets out a small breath. "Okay," his eyes flick up to hers and her stomach twists. The way he bows is so precise - it must have been drilled into him hundreds of times before. Another thing she wouldn't have expected from a firebender. "Come to dinner."

He stands after she does and gives another slight bow. As they begin the walk back to Song's home, he offers to carry her water jug, and Song feels more weight than one lifted from her.

"What did you say your name was again, young man?" Mei pokes at Zuko's shoulder as she hobbles to the table.

"Mom, I'm sorry about her, she's getting older," Song sets a bowl of fragrant roast duck in front of him and Zuko feels his mouth begin to water.

"No, it's okay, I don't think I've actually properly introduced myself." He takes a quick sip of tea - bracing himself for whatever will happen next - and calmly sets the mug back down. "My name is Zuko," he begins slowly. "AndI'mkindoftheFirelord."

There's the sound of Song dropping a bowl in the kitchen, and Mei leans in a bit closer to Zuko.

"Sorry, dear, could you say that again? My ears aren't what they used to be."

Zuko opens his mouth to respond, but Song slowly enters the room, her eyes narrowed in on Zuko. "You said - you're the firelord?" He nods at her, waiting for her to swing a knife at him, kick him out of their home, call some earthbenders to rough him up -

Before his panic can start to set in, Song runs out the front door, slamming it behind her.

Zuko looks helplessly at Mei.

"Give her a moment." Mei brings her pair of chopsticks to her mouth. "Hmm, she still doesn't make it as well as I used to."

"What about you? Do you hate me?"

Mei sighs, putting her bowl down. "I'm too old for hate, dear. My time in this world is almost over. I can't spend it hating world rulers." She takes a sip of her tea. "But Song? She -" Mei sighs again. "She's been hurt deeply by the Fire Nation, in more ways than one. And it isn't just you. But for a long time, the monarchy has been the embodiment of everything terrible that's ever happened to her. And now you're here, standing in front of her."

Zuko nods. "I understand. And I am sorry, to you as well. I don't think I fully understood the reach of the war. I was always taught that the army acted with honor, that women and children were untouchable." He looks down at his folded hands. "I can see that was false."

"Unfortunately, you are correct." She reaches between them to refill Zuko's cup, then Song's, and hands them both to him. "Go to her. A bit of tea should help bring you some good favor."

The screen door opens and closes, and Zuko finds himself out on the porch. Song sits on the edge, absently massaging her leg, peering into the darkness of the forest.

"Can I join you?"

She shrugs, and he takes that as a yes. Handing over her tea, Zuko sits besides her and tries to find what she sees in the darkness.

For a few minutes, the only sounds are those of them drinking and crickets chirping. Then Song speaks.

"His name was Bao."

Treasured. Precious. Rare.

"That's a lovely name."

"What happened to him?" Song turns abruptly to look at him with shining eyes. "Did he...?"

Zuko shakes his head emphatically. "My Uncle and I traded him to a florist for safe passage to Ba Sing Se. The florist seemed like a good man."

"You went to Ba Sing Se?"

Zuko runs one hand down the back of his neck. "I might have conquered it, actually?"

Sing snorts. "That part I've heard about. You've lived an interesting life, Zuko."

"If by 'interesting' you mean messy, then yes." He sighs. "You had no reason to trust me. Why did you let me back into your home?"

Song laughs, tinged with bitterness. "My mother says I'm too trusting, too gullible." She swirls the dregs of her tea around the bottom of her cup. "But I think there's strength in being kind. And I really did want to forgive you. But you have to be ready."

"And do you think I am?"

She smiles softly at him. "For me, yes. But my guess is I'm not the only person you hurt in exile." She gulps down her remaining tea. "They may not be as forgiving as I am."

"I'm preparing myself for that possibility."

"Does it scare you?"

Zuko ponders it. "I think it does. The idea that I've hurt someone innocent so badly that they may never be able to move past it... that keeps me up at night."

Songs turns towards him, tucking her knees up to her chest. "We can't control how other people see us in this life. How they react to our actions is up to them - all that we can control is our response. You have to be ready to accept that someone may not be ready to forgive you, and you can't let that eat you up." She stares at him intently. "You have to confident that your own actions are enough. That they're good."

It's Zuko's turn to laugh sourly. "Easier said than done," his hand wanders to his scar. "Sometimes I'm still not sure if what I'm doing is right."

"You don't have to do it alone, you know," Song gives him an understanding look. "You need other people around you, Zuko, to remind you what's good."

He huffs, looking down at his hands, folded in his lap. "Do you want to be one of those people?"

"I think you have more than enough goodness surrounding you already. You just have to be confident enough to ask." She sighs, looking back out into the darkness. "Besides, I have to stay here with my mother. She doesn't have long."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I could send my healers -"

She shakes her head, cutting him off midsentence. "It's her time." She begins to rub at her scars again. "I just didn't know how much it would hurt. We finally have some peace, and suddenly it's her time."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, not for this. It's due to you that she'll be able to die during peacetime." Her hands come to her eyes, wiping tears away before they can spill down her cheeks. "Her biggest fear was that she'd die and leave me alone to fend for myself during the war. You released her from that fear. Of course I forgive you, Zuko. My mother's no longer scared of dying because of you."

The two of them are silent for a long time, watching fireflies flicker off and on in the trees, listening to the crickets sing.

"I'm going to find Bao for you."

Song looks up in surprise. "You don't have to-"

"I want to, I'm sure he's still out there somewhere." Zuko rises from his seat. "If you ever need anything, anything, you write directly to me. I'll tell my staff that you're a priority."

"Are you leaving?" Song stands as well. "You could stay, if you want."

Zuko shakes his head silently. "I have to get back, and travelling by night is best for a Firelord who doesn't want his identity revealed," he smiles, his scarred skin relaxing into it. With that, he pulls his hair out of its topknot, grabs his pack and swords, and starts to disappear into the night.

"Firelord Zuko?" He stops and turns back at the sound of Song's voice. She makes the sign of the flame and bows. "Thank you, for everything." He bows back, lower than protocol dictates, but he doesn't care.

Three weeks pass, and the air has turned bitterly cold.

Song again makes her daily trip to the village well, with snow crunching under her feet instead of dead leaves. The soldiers have returned from their work in restoring fields for the season, and so the village feels alive when she steps into it. Despite the chill, children still run in the street, under the watchful eye of their mothers and fathers. Song feels a twinge of longing, but she tries to focus on the happiness she feels for the children instead. Song sets her water jug on the side of the well, breathing hot air into her palms to warm her hands after touching the freezing stone.

"Excuse me, miss, are you Song?" A voice comes from behind her, and she turns to see two men dressed in red tunics.

"I am," she replies, tucking her hands into the pockets of her hanbok. "And you are?"

They bow to her. "We come on behalf of Firelord Zuko, to deliver a gift." A third man rounds the corner with an ostrich-horse on a tether. "We found him at a desert settlement, he's been well taken care of, but if there's anything you need -"

They're cut off as Song runs to throw her arms around the neck of the ostrich-horse. "Bao!" She strokes his beak, looking into his eyes. "Do you remember me?"

Bao cocks his head to the side, pupils widening as he chirps softly, and then he lets out a loud whinny, pushing his head into Song's chest. He purrs, closing his eyes and relaxes against her.

"Sweet Bao, it's really me, you're really home," Song can feel her eyes dampening, but holds it together as one of the men hands her a bit of parchment.

"A note from the Firelord. He wanted us to remind you that you can write to him anytime you need anything."

Song nods. "And tell him I said 'thank-you' again." Bao whinnies loudly again, and she adds on, "Bao says 'thank-you' too."

"Of course, miss." With a synchronized bow, the men depart, and Song unrolls the parchment.

Song,

I've followed your advice and surrounded myself with good people. It helps.

Give my best to your mother - my Uncle still talks about her roast duck sometimes. I've established a fund specially for women and child victims of the war, inspired by some of what you and Mei shared with me. Write me if you feel like you or anyone in your village wants to apply for it.

And, thank you for trusting and forgiving me. I'll try to keep earning it.

May the Spirits continually bless you,

Zuko

She tucks the parchment into her pocket, fills her jug, and finds herself back in Bao's familiar saddle after more than a year. "Come on, Bao," she says as she takes the lead into her hands, guiding them back to the empty farmhouse.

"Let's go home."

[if you read through this whole thing, go drink some water! I'll know if u don't :) ]

[catie-does-things]

(what’s this a scene from the azula/kuei au idk)

-

“Azula,” Zuko said with forced calm.

Azula, seated at the table in the otherwise empty conference room he had pulled her aside in, continued to examine her nails innocently. “Yes, brother?”

“You were supposed to say no,” Zuko replied, leaning forward with his fists on the table. “You agreed you were going to say no.”

Azula turned her hand over, fingers stretched out before her. “I changed my mind.”

“Why?” Zuko asked through gritted teeth.

“It’s a good plan,” Azula replied with a shrug. She looked up from her nails at last, but of course she was utterly unintimidated by her brother looming over her. “We should be making alliances with the other nations. You married into the Water Tribes. I’m going to marry into the Earth Kingdom.”

Zuko let out an exasperated sigh and stood up straight once more. “Are you really thinking about politics?”

“Don’t sound so skeptical,” Azula said, crossing her arms. “I do know something about affairs of state, you know.”

Zuko shook his head. “This is a terrible plan.”

Azula arched one eyebrow. “What makes it so terrible, according to you?”

Zuko gave her a look like the answer should have been obvious. “You don’t want to marry the Earth King.”

Azula’s arched brow came down, her features relaxing into a perfectly neutral expression. “Yes, I do.”

Zuko’s patience finally wore out. “Azula, you don’t even know him!” he snapped, pacing away from the table with his arms thrown out in a dramatic gesture.

“Why should that matter?” Azula asked, as cool as ever. “It’s an arranged match - you had one of those as well.”

Zuko halted his pacing and gave her another pointed look. “With Katara, who had already been my friend for years.”

Azula lifted her chin ever so slightly, challenging. “And if the Council of Nations had made you marry some stranger, would you have fought them on it?”

Zuko frowned. “That’s beside the point-”

“You wouldn’t have,” Azula cut him off. “You’re too noble.” Once she might have said the last word with disdain, but now she merely stated it as a fact. “You were ready to fall on the sword of marrying for politics rather than love. Why can’t I?”

With a growl and a dismissive wave of his hand, Zuko ignored her question. “You must have some other reason for doing this…”

“Or maybe,” Azula went on, rising to her feet as well, “you just don’t think I’m capable.”

Zuko’s shoulders fell, and his face softened. “That’s not what this is about,” he said, for more gently than he had spoken to her thus far.

“I think it is,” Azula insisted, walking round the table towards him. “You think I’ll be a disaster as Earth Queen, don’t you?” She came to a halt in front of him, hands on her hips. Anyone else would have immediately backed down from the fire in her eyes.

But Zuko was no more intimidated by her than she was by him, these days. “Azula,” he said softly, taking hold of her shoulders. “I’m just worried about you.”

“Well, stop worrying, Zuko,” Azula said. Not Zuzu, not Dumdum. No nicknames, no insults, just genuine affection for her brother. One corner of her mouth quirked up in a grin. “You ought to be congratulating me on my betrothal to the Earth King.”

“Kuei,” Zuko replied.

Azula blinked. “What?”

“The Earth King’s name is Kuei,” Zuko clarified, his tone measured as he studied her carefully. “You knew that, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Azula said quickly.

She had not, but Zuko didn’t need to know that.

[lettersfromn0where]

My Steambaby Headcanons (a Semi-Condensed Version)

I am almost absurdly passionate about my zutara headcanons, and after literal months spent thinking about them constantly, I have so many that one could fill volumes with them. I won’t bother y’all with that, BUT I want to put my steambaby OCs out there because I adore them and want to scream about them more. So. Here we go. [note: these were created for my The Waiting Game AU, but you don’t need any context to get it except that an Aang/Oc ship is Kind Of Important.]

Okay, so first up we have Crown Princess Izumi, the oldest of my steamchildren. Izumi is the classic Fire Nation princess: she’s a smart, studious firebender who resembles Zuko more than any of her other siblings (though she does have Katara’s chin). She can be a bit cold, but she’s fiercely loyal to her loved ones and, when given the chance to be, is quite the hopeless romantic as well. Of her siblings, she’s closest to her next-oldest sister, Kya, and her youngest sister Sana; her favorite non-parental Gaang member is definitely Aang; and outside of the family, she is very close to twin classmates named Kaoru and Asaka, the children of a noble family who attended her primary school and remained lifelong friends. (She’s briefly engaged to Kaoru, though it doesn’t last for Reasons.) she eventually marries Hideo, the generic but sweet son of a government official, and they have two sons, Iroh II and Kenji.

Then we’ve got Kya, the second-born Princess, who’s just about a year younger than her older sister. A waterbender and by far the most gifted combat bender of her siblings, Kya is a bit of a problem child. As a middle child, a backup heir, and a waterbender in the Fire Nation (who also looks far more SWT than most of her siblings - she’s very similar to Katara in appearance), she has a lot of trouble fitting in, and will often play on her penchant for troublemaking to get attention. She’s also very athletic and a talented waterbender, a skill she’s worked tirelessly to develop. But she’s also fiercely loving and committed to making the decisions she believes to be right. Case in point: when the Earth Queen insists that her younger son, Prince Hyun, marry one of the FN heirs as part of the settlement of a post-war border conflict, Kya offers to marry him in order to secure the peace deal. As Hyun (Hyun, you sweet dumb kpop idol lookalike himbo bby boy, I love you) is nothing like his conniving mother, their initially-acrimonious relationship doesn’t take long to turn into a genuine love match, perhaps the happiest of the steambaby marriages. They have four children - Xinyi, Jangmi, Shiori, and Atuat - and are wildly popular with the public. Stan Hyunya for clear skin.

And now we come to Ryuji, our only boy and perhaps my favorite steambaby. Though he’s a waterbender, Ryuji is just about an even blend of his parents in appearance, and resembles neither of them in temperament. Where his parents are both outspoken and somewhat hot-tempered, he’s very soft-spoken and shy, preferring the company of very few people - his mother, his youngest sister Sana, and his best friend Yuna (Aang/Hina [OC] kid - any Haang fans out there?), namely. He’s the soft, bookish mama’s boy of my dreams pls shut up I am Projecting. Anyways. Ryuji also has a bit of middle child frustration, and he’s the only steambaby to go away to school (Ba Sing Se University, where he studies medicine - he and Yuna attend together bc they are literally inseparable) because he feels rather useless back at home, as the third-born heir. He also later shocks the family and the Fire Nation by choosing to elope with Yuna, with whom he has naturally fallen madly in love, despite his family’s protests because as the second-to-last airbender, Yuna has a bit of a conflict of interest with his...princiness. Naturally, they realize that this is stupid and come around, and though Yuna and Ryuji still don’t see the family as much as they manage Air Temple Island (and Yuna is a Republic City Council member), they manage to smooth things over. They have three children - two daughters (Dolma and Yangchen, both airbenders) and a son (Sora, a firebender, and the next in a long line of FN mama’s boys).

Next is Sakari, the only nonbender in the family. She’s so much like Sokka that it’s somewhat frightening, though she looks a lot like both of her parents - she’s very sharp and quick-witted (she’s 100% the funny one in this family), a talented nonbending combatant (thank Hina for that one), and a perpetual disaster. She’s very unlucky in love, as you’ll know if you’ve read Give The Game Away, and her closest relationships are with Haang daughter #2, aka Yangchen (yes, Yangchen is also a Yunuji kid - there are two, though I can’t say why because GTGA spoilers) and her younger sister, Sana. She has a tragically doomed crush on Yangchen for most of her adolescence and eventually serves in her sister’s cabinet in some capacity which idk yet but it has to be something bc she’s way too smart to do nothing.

Then finally we have Sana, the baby of the family. Sana, another firebender, is definitely the pretty one (well, they’re all pretty, but she’s especially stunning) - she essentially looks like Katara with Zuko’s eyes, and she has a LOT of admirers. She’s exuberant, outgoing, and incredibly sweet; there’s nothing she loves more than a good party, which absolutely baffles her mostly-introverted older siblings. Not a particularly talented firebender, but no one cares because she’s good enough to be super warm all the time and therefore very cuddly. (She is everyone’s favorite one to cuddle.) As a young adult, she’s diagnosed with what’s heavily implied to be an autoimmune disease, and her health is relatively fragile from then on out - it’s also thought that she’ll be unable to have children because of this, which causes her to break off a relationship with her childhood sweetheart, Haang Kid #3 aka Gyatso. (The reasons involve air nomad genes and it’s all very complex and there’s definitely NOT a 7k word oneshot about it. Nope.) however, after an absolutely disastrous first marriage to a scum-of-the-earth type, she finds her way back to Gyatso, and - improbably - they later have a surprise baby, a daughter named Kumiko. She spends most of her time out in the country, as the prying eyes at the palace are too much for her after what she went through with Scummy First Husband, and is a surprisingly happy country bumpkin with Gyatso (though she can definitely still work a room).

Why every freakin’ steambaby falls in love with a Haang kid, idk. Figures. I’m not creative. Will this make any sense if you didn’t read TWG? Unsure. But this has been fun ig?

[casualdadnomad]

But what if the gaang (including azula, mai, and ty lee) rented an apartment together.

hoooo boy *cracks knuckles* let’s get into it

modern atla masterpost :)

let’s age em all up to college real quick

There are two apartments, think like that show Friends

In apartment number one, Only Sokka and Aang’s names are on the lease. technically they’re the only ones who are *supposed* to live there

apartment number two is paid for by Toph’s parents, because we got it we may as well use it

the first apartment houses Sokka, Aang, Zuko, and Suki

the second houses Azula, Katara, Mai, and Ty Lee

Toph is a drifter, but technically she lives with the girls in the second apartment

occasionally Zuko will wake up in the morning and Toph is just eating cereal on their couch

Sokka and Suki just pass freely through eachother’s rooms honestly

at one point Sokka fell asleep studying in Suki’s room but he was taking up the entire bed so she just went and slept in Sokka’s room

Eventually this leads to them just sharing a room, with Zuko moving into Suki’s old one

Zuko is consistently confused by this behavior because he needs his personal space

Mai and Ty Lee share a room

the decor in the room is split right down the middle it’s crazy

the side with Mai’s bed and stuff on it is goth and edgy while Ty Lee’s is a cottagecore nightmare

Katara and Azula also share a room, they have a lot more in common than you might think and are actually pretty good friends

Toph has her own room because it’s technically her apartment, and it’s always a disaster

Katara constantly resists the urge to clean up Toph’s room because she knows Toph lives in organized chaos

Mai and Ty Lee both have very neat ways of existence

Sokka is very organized, but Suki is very messy

It’s okay though, because he’ll just clean up her side of the room every once in a while for fun

Zuko is very organized and neat as well

Aang’s room is a stage five natural disaster

Katara: can u please pick up ur clothes off the floor at least // Aang: but what if i need them // Katara: ...get them out of the closet? // Aang: too much work

Sokka does laundry regularly and knows Toph never does laundry of her own free will so he just takes her with him every time

Zuko goes too--willingly--they make a day of it

Katara, Toph, and the fire nation trio have one bathroom

So sometimes they’ll go over to the other apartment to shower or something because they have two bathrooms

that still averages about three per bathroom which is a nightmare before those 8:00 am classes

Everyone has a key to both the apartments too, so you really never know who’s in your house at one given time

A weird mix of night owls and morning people exists too

Zuko and Azula will be awake at like 5:00 am drinking coffee and having intelligent conversation while Katara is just now going to bed

Aang, Ty Lee, Zuko, and Sokka definitely play DnD do with that what you will

okay im gonna wrap up this post as it went on much longer than I thought it would but i hope you enjoyed! thanks for the ask! :)

[tysukis]

Hi, first(?) AU anon here. I will absolutely dive down this rabbit hole with you. I went a little overboard (sorry?). I absolutely agree with you on your Zuko take. I think we all kind of land there naturally. But I also think that Zuko would latch onto stability the moment he realized he had it. So this is kind of how I see it going down:

I think the band Sokka is part of would be solid. Just a local hit, right? But Sokka is the plans guy, and the aspirations guy, and they can do *so much better*. I 100% do not know how real life musicians work so add a pinch of salt here, but he would absolutely land them a gig as openers to a mediocre niche headliner just by sheer power of phone calls and charm. (He scripted it as much as possible, we all remember how that canon speech went when he winged it, but he knows how to put words together when he has time).

And yeah I love the idea of Zuko being an academic. I'm assuming Ozai is out of the picture for this, and the boy gets to pursue his passions instead of an expectation. Unfortunately, you mix in passion and the general anxiety of a kid who lived under intense scrutiny and you get an adult who gets tunnel vision during spring finals/prep for a conference/etc. So he doesn't quite rise to the occasion when his boyfriend drops this life changing news, he's proud but distracted, and he's already so bad at words in comparison to Sokka that it's just. Lackluster. And he probably meant to meet them at the bar/house party to celebrate after he got home but he's sleep deprived and his phone is dead because he's a disaster sometimes.

So now you've got Sokka stewing on immediate events, and being a little heartbroken because he went all out every time Zuko accomplished *anything*, even if it wasn't super impressive to Zuko himself. And maybe there's a bit of Zuko assuming Sokka doesn't need that reciprocated. He just doesn't vocalize his important needs, so Zuko assumes they're being met, you know? I like the drama of a blown up confrontation but also the idea that Sokka just confronts him sounding hurt and so damn tired of being the emotional one for that long.

But on the other side you have Zuko with his internalized plan that this is his forever person, and he does go to almost every performance even if they don't play his preferred music. And he assumes Sokka is satisfied with this. Maybe because Zuko can't imagine being happier than near his family - the good ones anyway - or because he genuinely thinks Sokka and the band are happy with being local celebrities and leaving it at that. So he plans for permanence. Because he is still a disaster, Zuko probably never vocalized this beyond doing window shopping for apartments or something. Vague jokes about a wedding that Sokka laughs at/agrees with and Zuko interprets as, "Yes I am also thinking about being here with you forever." He's not the wordsmith, he's the pragmatist and love means house shopping and snuggling over takeout and planning trips to visit their distant family together, right? Sokka's confrontation blindsided him, because he thought they were on the same page, and Sokka didn't have to leave to keep playing music, why is that even a thing??

They're both justified in being jaded because they're dumb as hell (affectionate). This isn't an AU for two grown ass men who have put in therapy time, they're both young and full of their own understanding with poor communication skills.

musician au anon!!! hello welcome back thank you so much for this incredible ask, let’s GO

(I’m gonna pop this one under a read more because otherwise this post will be eight miles long lmao)

Honestly I’m wracking my brain with what I can possibly add to this because you’ve got like. A fully fledged outline here my dude and it’s a good one. Do you write? Because you should, if you don’t. I still love the alternative take of Sokka being the one to leave and honestly this pretty much cements how much potential it has. I absolutely adore how you’ve thought about just how the communication would break down between them - and you’re completely bang on the money with it as well. Zuko is fully a hot disaster and would completely just assume Sokka’s needs are being met if he isn’t vocalising them, and we know Sokka, he’s a complainer but when it really comes down to those he loves - he’s known for being pretty selfless and for putting up brave faces. I can totally see Sokka perhaps almost feeling a bit self conscious about how hurt he is by Zuko’s lack of enthusiasm. Because Zuko loves him, right? And it’s just one show, right? So maybe he’s just overreacting, right? Or maybe he’s actually not even that good. Oh no, maybe Zuko hates his music and is just waiting for the right time to break it to him gently. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I think I might have already said it at some point tonight but Sokka would absolutely spiral until he convinces himself that him leaving would be nothing more than simply just leaving before he gets left. And like you said: Zuko  is out here planning a whole future assuming that they’re on the same page, meanwhile he has no idea.

I totally buy Sokka winging his way into a supporting act spot using his charm and charisma, and yeah his speech in canon didn’t go too well but this could likely be over the phone to only one person which would probably make it easier. I was thinking about how Sokka performing would work in conjuncture with his canon almost stage fright/fear of public speaking - and I’m leaning towards the hc that he embodies a sort of persona in front of large crowds and he’s able to let that take over and act casually and confidently no matter the audience.  (source: I am someone who studied acting and excelled in public speaking most of her life despite having a chronic anxiety disorder - playing parts and speaking on stage didn’t feel like ‘me’ because I was always channeling a character either fictional or an alternative version of myself. It works, folks.)

Are we thinking he broke away from the band and went on to succeed in a solo career? As in, he felt being local heroes was a limited pathway? Or did they all go together? Who else would be in it I wonder.

I LOVE your interpretation of Zuko and how the factors under which he was raised would shape him, especially in a modern setting. He would absolutely go into tunnel vision and that perfectionist mindset he was essentially forced into as a kid would probably be alive and well into adulthood. (And yeah, these aren’t men who have been to therapy - yet! - so we’re probably gonna assume that Zuko views this as a Perfectly Normal And Healthy Way To Live And Not At All A Trauma/Survival Response.)

I’m assuming this confrontation is what leads to their break up and then Sokka going off to pursue music further? I wonder, even all their other issues aside, what Zuko thinks about him travelling so far? As you said, we’re operating under the assumption that he doesn’t understand why Sokka couldn’t continue music and stay local. Even if things were perfect between the two, I imagine they still might not see eye to eye on that, which of course would just be another breaking point for them to tack onto the list.

As for their eventual reconciliation, Kaleigh @zukkau with her gigantic brain, said earlier that Sokka being the one to leave could also tie into a whole ‘I couldn’t ask you to uproot your whole life for me’ anxiety (especially if we’re painting zuko as a bit of a homebody here; hates change, likes routine) and that sets up perfectly for a “I would go anywhere for/with you” moment. All this to say that I think that would slot into this (^) narrative nicely.

If you have (or anyone has) anything more to add or touch on I would absolutely love to hear it, I am now fully in love with this AU and all messages and mentions of it are permanently welcome in my inbox and DMs <3 

[attackfish]

I'm super intrigued by the Zuko-Toph roleswap au. Can we have five more headcanons? Thanks!

Continued from here: [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], and [Link].

1. When it becomes clear that the Avatar is alive and available for certain banished earthbending Fire Princesses to catch, Ozai has a moment of panic in which he contemplates the mess that would arise should she return home successful. Then it becomes apparent that Toph is not in fact even trying to capture the Avatar, and Ozai breathes a sigh of relief. But then he realizes just what a disaster it is that the walking embarrassment and potential threat to his stability that is his oldest daughter isn't even attempting to do the duty he gave her. He has no control at all over her, or over his older brother.

2. This cannot stand. He tasks commander Zhao with tracking down the young Avatar, and with discreetly finding and eliminating his daughter. This tactic seems like a massive success when Zhao captures the Avatar, and announces this triumphantly. But then when Zhao tries to have said Avatar drugged for transport, the Avatar goes into the Avatar State and leaves the Pohuai Stronghold as a heap of kindling. Zhao isn't even able to locate his brother and daughter, and the less that is said about the bungled invasion of the Northern Water Tribe that cost Ozai an entire fleet, the better.

3. So of course Ozai turns to where he should have turned in the first place, to Azula, to his younger daughter, who desires more than anything to give her sister the comeuppance she so richly deserves. And this strategy bears fruit almost immediately, when Azula is able to discover that Toph was until very recently staying in Omashu, studying with King Bumi. This isn't the most reassuring news, but at least they know where she was, and it's good to be prepared. Azula also tells him that she has picked up two assistants, the noblewomen Mai and Ty Lee, and sounds like she has this well in hand. Ozai concludes there was no need for panic.

4. It isn't long before Azula sends him a letter informing him that the Avatar is traveling with Iroh and Toph. Convenient, Ozai thinks nervously. She intends to intercept them at the edge of the Si Wong desert. she does not expect too much trouble. Azula really is the best daughter.

5. Soon after, he recieves word from her that the Avatar and his companions have a dragon! She was able to chase them into the desert, but since they have two flying animals with them, she is putting odds on their survival. She intends to catch them on the north end of the desert. She still insists she has every chance of success. Ozai begins to reconsider his stance on panicking once again.

[randomfandomimagine]

End Of The Year Faves

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

I was tagged by @myriadimagines and @musicallisto, thank you, lovelies!

10. Zack Fair (FFVII) gif imagine

I really love this one because it’s like the definition of short and sweet. It’s adorable, warm and I think I got Zack’s characterization pretty well and I often reread it when I need a smile. I just love my boy Zack and how this little thing turned out.

9. Connor (DBH) prompt (”I shouldn’t be in love with you”)

The reason I love this one it’s because I wrote it as one of my favorite things to write: a character study. I tried to express Connor’s struggle as he develops feelings for the reader and how conflicted he would be to have fallen in love with someone, having developed such a human thing as feelings. One of the many reasons why I love Connor is because of his arc in the game, because of how guilty he feels for becoming deviant despite being the very android that hunts them, it just gets to me. I’m just really glad that I could explore that in this prompt and that I managed to show it properly as well as make this more angsty, since my specialty is usually fluff.

8. Yennefer (Witcher) prompt (”I shouldn’t be in love with you” “Are you jealous?” “I’m so scared”)

This is the only Yennefer request I’ve ever gotten (besides one for a dating would include that I had already written), and I had so much fun writing it! Yennefer has appeared in my Witcher writings a lot, but never as a main character and never as a love interest, so that’s why this was so cool! I think she’s a very interesting character, so I really enjoyed getting the chance to explore her personality. I love how it turned out because I think it’s the perfect balance between her being sly and also being loving and showing her feelings for the reader. 

7. Too Nice (John Ambrose McClaren, TATBILB ficlet)

John Ambrose is another character I really like writing for. What can I say? I fell in love with him and it was great to write something for him. This is somewhere between love and almost hate, with a lot of misunderstandings and complex feelings that ultimately lead to a happy fluffy ending. He’s just the sweetest and it was curious to write his reactions to someone who doesn’t always respond well to his kindness, even if because it flusters them.

6. Special (Howl Pendragon, HMC ficlet)

And yet another character I love. It was a bit hard settling on just one version of the character, because I love both the movie and book versions, so I tried to make it a little bit of both... even if this Howl is more suave and charming like in the movie rather than the absolute endearing disaster that book Howl is. Still, I always have fun getting other characters involved with the reader and their love interest, so I loved adding Calcifer and Marko to the mix. As well as the cute interactions Howl and reader have, I love the ending in which he hints at the fact that the reader unlocked something in his heart that he didn’t think was possible.

5. Kind (Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad ficlet)

I don’t often get to write about Jesse, so this was awesome! Peekaboo was one of my favorite episodes and it was amazing to get to explore it. While it’s not perfect, I really like how the connection between Jesse and reader turned out, how kind (:D) he is and patient and respectful, and I think I also poured a lot of emotion to the reader with that background.

4. Separated (Zuko, ATLA ficlet)

By this point, it’s obvious that I’m more proud of ficlets (because they’re longer and take more planning and more time and effort) and about characters I love because I think the passion I have for them is more obvious. I wrote this one right when I was watching ATLA because I loved (and still love) Zuko so much. It’s sort of a character study as well (it’s established that I adore writing them) and I’m so glad that I had the idea of getting Iroh involved because he’s awesome. This ficlet just has a lot of pining and repressed emotions that come out in the end and I love it.

3. Weight On His Shoulders (PS4 Peter Parker ficlet)

This one if pretty recent, as I wrote it after beating the game myself. This game is just awesome, and this is my favorite representation of Peter ever. He’s cute, charming, nerdy, loving, kind, a bit awkward and just everything that Peter and Spidey should be (at least for me). I wanted to represent both his personas in this one, and I like the balance I achieved with it as well as the emotions, the pining, the secret identity and in the end the understanding of the reader. The part with Spidey saving reader is great and I’m very happy with how reader is prepared to confront him about it once they learn he’s Spiderman only to change their mind when they see how much it’s weighing on him so they decide to relax with him for a bit.

2. Reunion (Cloud Strife, FFVII ficlet)

I’ve written a lot of things for this fandom this year because I was super inspired after beating the remake with my brother, I loved it (honorable mentions to Heal My Heart and Stars In Your Eyes, two other ficlets that I wrote and I’m very proud of). Cloud has always been one of my favorite characters, and in this one I got to examine a side of him I usually don’t. Not only does this ficlet include Zack Fair (another one of my favorite characters) but it also goes along with an idea I had been thinking about for a long time of a female reader pretending to be a boy to get into SOLDIER and becoming friends with them, but it also shows Cloud as the meeker and shy boy he is in Crisis Core. It was so cool to write about him back then and after once he had joined AVALANCHE. His relationship with the reader was also bittersweet because of their past and it’s just so complex and emotional that I love it, especially their reunion at the end.

1. Soul of a Warrior (Jaskier x Nissa, The Witcher Fanfiction Series). This was a big project, as series always are. I spent several months planning and plotting the story and even more months writing it, and also revising it once it was finished before posting it. I put so much effort, love and time into this series that it absolutely had to be number one. Soul of a Warrior is probably the thing I’m most proud of (that I have written) in 2020. 

As most of you know (my mutuals definitely do, as they have gifted me amazing things with him), Jaskier is probably the character I fangirled the hardest about this year. I wrote many things for him (the ficlet What Would You Do Without Me? deserves another honorable mention because it’s probably my favorite thing I’ve written this year along with the series) and working on each of them has brought me so much serotonin. Jaskier is just such an amazing character, loving and compassionate but cheeky and selfish while at the same time being charming, optimistic, bubbly, extroverted and a huge flirt. So many layers!

But back to the series... Soul of a Warrior had one of the best faceclaims I’ve found, the sweetest friendship between my OC Nissa and Geralt and the slowest of burns romances with Jaskier. Him and Nissa are very similar in some aspects, so much so that they’re both too blind to realize the other’s feelings (idiots to lovers, am I right?) but they care so much about one another. The three of them were strangers, but they become family (found family, another one for the fandom bingo!) and I’m the proudest of how real and organic their relationship feels. Not to mention that their dynamic was super fun to write because Geralt is the only one that knows they’re in love and is so fed up and exasperated with their obliviousness. As well as this, I think I managed to mix action, emotion and depth really well. My secondary OCs feel more alive than others before them, Nissa was pretty complex and coherent and had a true voice of her own, and their part on the story feels important. There are tense moments, cute ones, sad ones, tragic ones... a little bit of everything. I think this one as a lot more angst and whump because I was in a bit of a dark place when I wrote it, but it still has hope and light in it, which I really love. The series also has a lot more violence than what I’m used to, but it was interesting to get out of my comfort zone a bit. 

Overall, not only do I think it’s fun to read, compelling, funny and emotional all at once, I’m just very proud that I managed to write something a little different from what I usually do and feel like I did it well. I put a big part of me in this series and for that reason Soul of a Warrior will always have a special place in my heart 💜

That it’s, sorry if I ranted a bit! I tag anyone who wants to do this!! 

[jaxsteamblog]

Affirm

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

Entering her apartment, Katara kicked off her shoes as she closed the door. Darting to the kitchen, she let her bag fall to the floor. She had to hurry; her study group was meeting in fifteen minutes back on the campus.

Normally she studied alone, but after meeting with her advisor, Katara knew she was going to need additional help. The group therapy sessions were helping, but it didn’t cure her of her PTSD, which meant the irritability, the poor sleep, and inability to concentrate still plagued her. The study group was hopefully going to save her from failing her tests, but it cut into her free time.

As she pulled open her fridge, Katara felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Ignoring it for the time being, she went about reheating leftovers and using the bathroom. She had some money, but eating on campus got expensive and she’d rather bring the bulk snacks she bought on the weekend than risk the campus cafe.

Leaning on the counter, Katara set her leftovers down and stirred them with a fork while she unlocked her phone. Zuko had texted her.

Calling him, she still took a bite of her food.

“Hey.” Zuko said, his face appearing on the screen.

“Mmm.” Katara greeted him with her mouth full.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Just trying to shovel in some food before my study group.” She replied.

“Oh. Do you have time to talk?”

“Not really. Can I call you later?”

“How much later? I’ve got a meeting in a little bit.”

“A meeting? At this time of night?”

“There’s been flooding in a rural province. I’m in charge of overseeing the relief aid.”

“Yikes. Well, we’ll have to see. I’ll text you after my study session?”

“Yeah. Sure. Of course.” Zuko said hurriedly.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” Katara said and blew him a kiss. He smiled weakly.

“Talk to you later.” He said.

Katara rushed around while trying to eat as much as she could. She had to grab her anatomy textbooks and her big water bottle; there was no point in leaving the table unless absolutely necessary. Then, after shoving things into her bag, Katara ran back out of her apartment, leaving her used dishes on her couch.

She’d get to it later.

When she did stumble back into the apartment, it was well past one in the morning. Katara dragged everything behind her, discarding things as she went. The trail of debris showed what she had gone through; her bag was open, unable to zip closed over the folded back notebooks, and popcorn fell from pockets where the opened bag had been jostled. Her coat, her shoes, and finally her pants became a snail trail leading to her bedroom.

Throwing herself onto her bed, Katara felt her eyes burn as she closed them.

Laboriously, she pulled up the hand that still held onto her phone. Zuko had texted a few times, but she hadn’t been able to respond. Now that she was home, she called him.

He picked up immediately.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.” Katara mumbled, half of her face pressed deeply into her pillow.

“No, I was up.” He said.

“How did your meeting go?” She asked.

“It went alright. They took my suggestions and we’re going to start moving supplies in the morning.”

“That’s great.” Katara said weakly.

“How was studying?”

“Exhausting.”

“Did you need to get some sleep?” Zuko asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m really tired. But I’m glad I got to talk to you.” Katara said, smiling with her eyes closed.

“Me too. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Can we talk tomorrow?”

Katara sighed and rolled onto her back, leaving the phone laying beside her.

“I don’t know, I’ve got a long lab tomorrow.” She said and rubbed her face with both hands. “But I’ll try.”

“Sure.” Zuko paused and Katara started to drift.

“Katara?” He asked.

“Hmmm?”

“Never mind. Get some sleep.” He said softly.

“Okay.” Katara said sleepily. “Good night Zuko.”

“Good night Katara.”

The rest of the week pummeled Katara and she took every free moment to stuff in tutoring sessions and lab simulations. Zuko was texting less, but Katara read in the news more about the flooding he had been talking about. It was a disaster, but Katara felt a sense of pride as she saw pictures of him with a convoy of trucks.

She had read more about him; not too much to avoid crossing into creepy stalker territory, but just about his background in Fire Nation politics. He cared a lot about humanitarian efforts and Katara was surprised to learn that he had created the non-profit that assisted displaced Fire Nation colonists at the end of the war. He hadn’t even turned eighteen.

Missing him was easier to handle when she knew that he was doing important work.

His arrival at Ba Sing Se University was a big shock.

“Zuko?” Katara grasped the strap of her backpack tightly as she walked up to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you.” He said.

“Okay, but don’t you have other things to do?” She questioned.

“I am. There are other people who work on these projects too.” Zuko paused and looked at her. “Did you not want me to come?”

Katara rubbed her eyes and shook her head.

“It’s not that. I’ve just got a lot to do, and I thought you did too.” She explained.

He looked hurt.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“Zuko.” Katara sighed and looked around. They were out in front of the medical building and clusters of students walked past, whispering together.

“Come on, let’s go back to my apartment.” She said.

“My car is just over there.” Zuko said.

They walked to the visitor’s lot and Katara got into the passenger’s seat quickly. As Zuko got in, she was texting with one hand while she buckled with the other.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“I have to text my study group, tell them I’m not coming.” She replied.

Zuko started the car and pulled out of his space, not saying anything. After Katara put away her phone and sat back, she sighed.

“Sorry.” Zuko murmured.

“It’s fine. Just, a head’s up would’ve been nice, okay?” She asked, tilting her head to look at him. He looked worried and Katara frowned.

“My apartment’s a mess, by the way.” She added and sat up, looking out the window. “I haven’t had time to clean.”

“Is school keeping you busy?” Zuko asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been telling you all about it.”

“I know.”

They fell silent and Katara watched the translucent reflection of Zuko in her window. He looked anxious, and a knot of worry started to form in Katara’s stomach. Had he come here for a reason?

When they pulled into the parking lot at her apartment complex, Zuko turned off the car but hesitated. As Katara grabbed the door handle, he turned.

“Katara?” He started. She faced him, giving him a curious look.

“Yeah?” She asked, prompting him. Zuko nervously tapped his fingers against the wheel and frowned.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“Zuko, it’s fine. Now come on.” Katara said and opened the car door. She grabbed her backpack and closed the door, looking over the car as Zuko got out. He still looked worried.

Walking around the car, Katara took his hand. It surprised him, and Zuko looked down at their clasped hands.

“Let’s go.” She said, tugging lightly on him.

They walked across the lot and into the lobby, stopping in front of the lone elevator. As they waited for it to descend, Katara shifted her bag onto one shoulder, leaning into Zuko with her other and turning her hand so their fingers were interlaced. She could feel him relax and lean into her.

The elevator opened and they stepped in; Katara used their intertwined hands to push the button for her floor. They rode up in silence and Katara led him again as they walked down the hall to her door. To retrieve her keys, Katara hitched her bag up further onto her shoulder and dug into her pocket with her free hand. She unlocked the door and pushed it open, gesturing for Zuko to enter.

He let go of her and walked in, while Katara tossed her bag on the floor inside before closing the door. As she turned back to Zuko, she threw her keys onto her bag.

“So what’s-” She started but stopped as Zuko held her face in his hands. He pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. With a gasp, Katara nonetheless put her arms around his neck, pushing herself upward to meet him. His hands fell and he embraced her with his arms around her waist. He hugged her tightly and kissed her with fervor.

Zuko moved from her mouth across her cheek and down her neck before pressing his face into her shoulder, still holding her tightly.

Katara’s heart was racing and every part of her felt like it had been strung tightly across a sounding board, ready to be plucked by his fingers.

“What’s going on?” She breathed.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” He mumbled into her neck and she shivered at the touch of his lips on her skin.

“What?” Katara’s mind was a jumble and the confusion hurt.

Zuko stood upright and looked at her.

“We haven’t been talking as much. I thought you were pulling away.” He said.

“Zuko, we’re both really busy!” Katara said, unintentionally sharp. She was way too charged to be calm.

Zuko looked down.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, look at me.”

Zuko turned back and Katara slid her arms down so that she could now take his face in her hands.

“You still owe me more dates.” She said. He looked at her, hopeful.

“Now?” He asked.

“Not now.” Katara said with a laugh. “I’ve got class.”

Zuko’s face fell and she kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I’m not just going to ghost you.” She said. Then, tapping his chest, she stepped back when he released her.

“Let’s watch something.” Katara offered and Zuko nodded.

As Katara went to her couch, she blushed seeing her dirty dishes still strewn about.

“Actually, I’m going to pick up first.” She blurted and grabbed up her collection of plates and cups. Zuko picked up her bag and set it against the wall by the front door.

“Need any help?” He asked.

“I would rather you not witness my shame.” She called as she ran into the kitchen and tossed the dirty dishes into the sink.

Still, Katara heard him move around the apartment and she tried to think about the worst spots of her mess. It wasn’t like her to be this messy, but the semester had been intense.

“You really have been busy.” Zuko said from the living room.

“Told you.”

Katara scrubbed and rinsed her dishes before loading her dishwasher, praying that he wouldn’t find something embarrassing. The last thing she needed was for her well-dressed, royal boyfriend to stumble across a pile of used tissues or something.

“Were you reading up on me?” Zuko asked. Squeezing her eyes shut, Katara sent out a silent curse to her past self.

“I just wanted to know more about your princely side. It’s a good look for you.” She answered. After a moment’s hesitation, she continued. “What did you find?”

“Magazine.” Zuko replied, and then also continued after a moment. “What else you got?”

“I’m not answering that.”

Katara heard him on the move again and smiled as he walked into the kitchen. He hugged her around the middle just as she was rinsing the last plate and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry I’m a nervous wreck.” Zuko said.

“It’s not something to apologize for. You should trust me though.” She replied, bending awkwardly to deposit the plate in the dishwasher. After she rinsed her hands, Katara wriggled to make Zuko let her go. She lifted the dishwasher door with her foot and shut it, grabbing a towel to dry her hands as she turned.

“I’ve had a lot of people leave without a word. It’s something I’m having a hard time dealing with.” Zuko explained.

“When have you ever known me to do something quietly?” Katara scoffed and Zuko smiled. She tossed the towel on the counter and leaned back on the sink.

“We’ll just have to work through it, but,” She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him. “You need to tell me when you’re feeling insecure.”

“I’m feeling insecure.” Zuko said quickly.

“Okay, what would you like for us to do?” Katara asked.

“I want you to drop out and come live with me in the palace.”

Seeing his face, Katara laughed and Zuko grinned.

“I’m serious.” He said lightly.

“I know. But I also know that you know it’s impossible.”

“You got me.”

“So what’s the next best thing?”

“Is it possible for you to maybe set some time aside, just for me?”

Katara took in a breath and chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“I don’t have a lot of free time.” She said.

“I know, but it’d be nice.”

She stared at him as she thought and Zuko stayed quiet. It was odd to see him like this; he always seemed so self-assured and confident. But perhaps he had to look that way.

“How about Sunday afternoons? None of my study groups meet on that day and I usually use it to catch up on laundry and stuff.” She offered.

“Is that okay?” He questioned, sounding nervous again.

“I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t.” Katara stated. “You have to trust me that I’m not, you know, doing this begrudgingly. I miss you too, I just need different things. If this is something you need, I want to give it to you. I care about you Zuko.”

“Then yes. I want your Sunday afternoons.” He said.

“They’re yours.” Katara replied. Zuko chuckled and grabbed Katara again, hugging her with less desperation this time.

“So what different things do you need?” He asked.

“For that, we’re going to need to check how messy my bedroom is.” Katara replied.

Zuko made a strangled sound and she felt his fingers press into her back. Laughing, Katara only kissed his cheek.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29

[guiltysecretpasttime]

Adversity

A fanfic story

Overview: Lin and Tenzin are both at the height of their respective careers – she with the Metalbending Police and he with the Air Nation. Questions about their future begin to arise and things come to a head when Lin responded to an emergency call. Would her job take them from each other forever? Eventual HEA. Non-canon compliant, AU. (Notes at the end of the post.)

Chapter 1

Lin was once again pulling a double shift, finishing up this month’s crime stats report that needed to be filed at city hall tomorrow. Aside from having the routine meeting at city hall, tomorrow also marks Lin’s first ninety days as the chief of police.

She lightly rubbed a crick at her neck as she proofread the document.

Having taken over the Republic City Police Department when her mother, the metalbender Toph Beifong, stepped down, Lin Beifong recognized that taking on this responsibility goes beyond upholding the family legacy.

She pushed on, double checking the figures. Hoping that this was enough at least to keep the council contented. While some of the council members saw her growing up, she knew they were going to be fair as in all their dealings. However, the rest of the members were likely to be more difficult with her, with the mistaken notion that they needed to compensate for the perceived bias of the city founders. It also did not help that her mother was not as charismatic as the other founders.

Lin sighed tiredly as she pulled out another case folder; she had her work cut out.

-------------

Tenzin frowned deeply at his bowl, as though the stew his mother prepared offended him greatly.

His sullen mood was out of place amidst the boisterous laughter of his family at the dinner table. On another day, he would have eaten his sea prune stew with gusto. Tonight, he should have done so as well, given that his mother went all out with the dishes as the extended family was present.

Bumi, his eldest brother, arrived two days ago on shore leave. His uncle Sokka, meanwhile, landed at Air Temple island that afternoon, in preparation for tomorrow’s council meeting.

His uncle continued to regal the table with stories, getting more and more exaggerated as the night wore on. His father, the Avatar Aang laughed accordingly at the right moments, encouraging the stories further. Beside Sokka, his wife Suki held his glass upright without skipping a beat as he pounded on the table in emphasis on how heavy the imported cabbages were in the Southern Water Tribe. Tenzin’s sister Kya chatted their aunt’s ear off at her other side.

It was a lovely meal indeed and the company was not so bad either. In fact, Tenzin was looking forward to this family dinner. The week was ending and it was particularly challenging one.

He had a long session with the new Air Acolytes earlier and he had a vague impression that they were not taking him seriously as they would his father. He just wanted to have a relaxing night with the family and Lin.

Granted, Lin was practically family. But it was her that Tenzin was specifically anticipating to spend time with that night. He had a lot of things on his mind but he knew Lin’s presence would help tamp down his worries.

Katara noticed her son’s preoccupation as the dinner went on. Every couple of minutes or so, Tenzin would look up at the doorway, as though expecting someone. As the night went on, his mood turned sour.

Presently, he attempted to stab the sea prune with his spoon.

“Tenzin, dear, would you like a fork?” Katara called out, lightly touching his arm, startling him from his reverie.

“Wha-?” Tenzin was drawn out of his thoughts, as the stew splashed on his robes when the prune slipped from his utensil.

“Fork? Or a knife?” His mother held out a small table knife to him. “Is something bothering you?” Katara had an inkling on what (or rather who) was on his mind. “How was the session today?”

Tenzin shrugged but took the knife. “It was fine, mother.” He wanted to share his misgivings about the air acolytes but did not want his siblings to overhear. “We were able to start and end on time.” Lame as it was, that was the only positive outcome of that meditation session.

“That’s good to hear,” Katara took a bite of her own stew. “They are from the Southern Air Temples, right? How is the restoration going on from their end, did they share anything about it?” She intended to draw him away from his obviously stormy ruminations.

Just as Tenzin was about to respond, Sokka suddenly turned his attention to mother and son. “Heeey – I knew I forgot something! Where’s Lin?”

Tenzin grew uncomfortable as the table went silent, each person looking at him expectantly. He cleared his throat as he loosened his collar. “She’s still at the precinct, I believe.” He did not miss Katara and Aang share a look but he chose not to acknowledge it.

“That young lady is working too hard,” Sokka run his hand at his beard. “On the other hand, look at her sister Suyin, with two kids at the age of twenty-four. I mean, sure they’re both productive, if you get what I mean. Am I right?” He elbowed his wife, looking for affirmation. Suki looked nonplussed. So he leaned to his other side, elbowing Bumi instead, who gave him a thumbs up.

-------------

Finally, at half past eleven in the evening, Lin found herself unlocking the door to the apartment after satisfactorily completing the documents in time for tomorrow’s meeting.

“Tenzin, I’m home.” She called out, as she took off her boots and removed her armor. “I’m sorry I’m late.” She pulled her long black hair from the bun it was in the whole day. “Had to finish up some paper-.” She finally realized she was alone. “Work.”

The dark and empty room puzzled her but she ignored the unease that crept and proceeded to the bathroom to wash her face.

Seeing the empty space where she and Tenzin kept their toothbrushes and toiletries, Lin cursed.

She just realized she forgot something tonight.

-------------

After somewhat successfully averting the disaster called Sokka’s big mouth by introducing dessert, Katara followed her youngest child who excused himself to the patio once dessert was served. She studied his stiff posture as he gazed at the distant lights of Republic City.

“Son, is everything okay with Lin?” Katara was not one to beat around the bush. “She’s not in trouble, is she?”

Tenzin shook his head quietly. “She’s fine, Mother.” He really did not want to discuss his relationship right now.

“Don’t mind Sokka,” Katara plodded on. “He’s just probably excited to hear about more grandchildren within our group. You know how he doted on Iroh when Zuko used to bring him over.” She smiled in recollection how Sokka had pranced around with the toddler on his back, pretending to be a dragon.

“Iroh is just a couple of years younger than me.” Tenzin grumbled, not liking where the conversation was headed.

Katara waved him off. “You were well in your teens by then – a far cry from toddling little Iroh.” Seeing no further comment coming from her companion, she gestured to the side buildings. “Do you want me to call on the Air Acolytes to prepare Oogi tonight? I had them bring him to the barns as I thought you’d be staying overnight. They can easily prepare him for your quick trip back to Republic City though.”

“No, it’s fine.” The tall airbender was starting to hate that word: fine. “Oogi’s probably resting already. And I haven’t decided yet if I’ll stay tonight,” His equanimity would be sorely tested should he see Lin now.  “I can always borrow a glider to get back to the mainland.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” His mother gave him a side hug. “You know your father and I are always here for you and Lin, right?”  She felt him nod. “Don’t stay out too late – it’s a bit chilly these nights.”

-------------

Lin fought with herself as to whether she should drop a call to Air Temple Island at this time. She wanted to speak to Tenzin. Correction: she needed to apologize for forgetting about the family dinner.

Seeing that it was almost midnight with no hint of Tenzin or Oogi in sight, Lin decided to risk waking the household up.

“Pick up, pick up,” Lin murmured as she heard the phone ringing.

-------------

Unbeknownst to her, the raucous cacophony made by a drunk Sokka, Bumi and Kya drowned out other noises within Aang’s house.

Rolling his eyes as he saw Bumi throwing back a large tankard, Tenzin decided to retreat to his bedroom to bid his time before going home to Lin. There was no way he would allow himself to be dragged into Sokka’s drinking game, which was likely to happen should they see him crossing the threshold to glide away. With a highly skilled waterbender in said drinking group, he did not want to take any risks of possibly being pulled into the ocean at this late hour.

-------------

With fatigue eventually overcoming him, Tenzin barely felt the mattress shifting nor did he feel the bed dip with the weight of another person joining him. He sighed sleepily as he curled closer to the source of warmth beside him.

-------------

Note:  Hello to my lone reader! So here’s my trial in creating a Linzin fanfic (cross-posted in archiveofourown too). I’m hesitant to post something online but it felt nice to share it with you. Not sure if this plot has already been done, or if this is a familiar trope already, but just the same I’ll be posting it here as I’ve started to rediscover the fandom recently. I’ve been fascinated by the Linzin pairing and I wanted to give it a shot. There was something very poignant about them and while I’m a sucker for angst, I wanted to try to give it a try to give them a happy ending. This is also non-canon compliant, obviously. Let me know what you think! 😊

==

Other chapters here:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

[archergwenwrites]

ZM - Feb 10 - Fake Dating

@zutaramonth

“I still don’t see why I have to go.”

Sokka frowned at the Switch in his hand from the comfy chair. “It’s simple, Katara. Dad’s a teacher; at least half his coworkers will be there-” The console beeped sadly as Suki’s beeped triumphantly. “-and he’ll be disappointed in you if you don’t show up so he can brag about you.” He turned to look at Suki whose lap on which he was reclining. “How to you keep doing that, woman?”

Suki stuck her tongue out at him before replying, “get gud.”

“Rematch,” he said, kissing her nose. “Anyway, Katara, just go to your five year reunion. Who cares if you’re going solo? No one’s gonna care about high school drama.”

Both Katara and Suki snorted in derision at the same time. “Fine, think poorly of your classmates. But I bet that-”

The door to Sokka’s apartment slammed open and then closed as his roommate returned. He tossed his keys into the bowl on the kitchen island, effortlessly turned it into an exhausted wave, and practically floated through their small living room gathering and down the hall. Another door slammed, presumably his room, and the three in the living room all exchanged amused glances as the muffled sounds of rustling still drifted back up the hall. A creak announced a door opening again, and Zuko emerged from the hall. He collapsed into the couch next to Katara, making her bounce slightly with his force on the fluff.

“How is everyone?”

“I’m doing-” Suki’s switch beeped merrily again. “Oh come on!”

“Give it up, Boomerang,” Zuko drawled, leaning his head back on the couch to stare at the ceiling, exposing his long, pale neck. “Your girlfriend is unbeatable.”

“Damn right I am!”

“Stop victory dancing under me! This is very unsettling!”

Chuckling, Katara returned her gaze to Zuko’s neck – since his face was currently unavailable. “We’re fine. How are you?”

His low groan was somewhat lost in the din of Sokka and Suki’s playful argument. “I’m alright. I’m just, tired of dealing with people, both at work in Uncle’s shop and with the city council.”

“Well I think you’re doing an amazing job.”

He lifted his head to give her a big smile just as Sokka turned to them from where he was now upside down on the chair. “Hey Zuko, go with Katara to her high school reunion. She needs a fake boyfriend to stave off all the terrible gossip remaining from high school.”

“Oh that’s not-”

“Sure, what night is it? Uncle will happily give me the night off.”

“Um, next Saturday. Doors open at 4:30 with dinner starting at 5:30. We don’t have to stay the whole time.”

He gave her a cheeky eyebrow raise. “I’m prepared to stay as long as it takes. I’ll save you from the gossips.”

“Careful, Zuko,” Sokka said teasingly before Suki shoved him onto the floor with a thwump. “Katara was quite the heartbreaker in high school. You’ll have to beat them off you with a stick.”

*

Katara was clenching the steering so hard she thought she might snap it off. “We should probably go over our story before we go in.”

Zuko gave her an amused glance. “Our story?”

“Yeah. How long have we been fake dating?”

“How long ago was your last relationship?”

She thought for a moment back to college. “Three years.”

“Year and a half then. Taking it slow because we started when you were in your final semester of college, about to do study-abroad; I was just elected to the city council but didn’t want you to get away so to speak without taking a chance, so we’ve only been dating in the same city on equal life footing for eight months, but it’s been long enough that it’s not too early in the relationship to bring me to a reunion and have it be desperate.”

“Yeah that makes-” She blanched. “That’s very good but my dad will be in there.”

“So tell him your plot.”

“What!” Zuko shrugged. “He’s Sokka’s dad, too. You think he wouldn’t like a good prank?”

“It’s not a prank,” she replied, exhaling as she released the steering well. “It’s winning the relationships.”

“That’s healthy,” he quipped, getting out of the car. She laughed as she slipped out of the car.

“Really? You of all people are gonna say that when you would date your private school girlfriend no matter what crap she’d put you through?”

Zuko shrugged, throwing an arm over her shoulders as the moved towards the door to the gymnasium. “Takes one to know one, princess.”

“Gross. No nicknames.”

“Oh, Sugar Queen? A memorandum on nicknames?”

“Knock it off, Prince Ponytail.”

Zuko laughed, and from the other side of the gym Hakoda caught his daughter’s eyes. “Whatever you say, Sweetness.”

In front of the check-in table and the innocent Earth Kingdom girls who’d volunteered for this, Katara punched Zuko with a quick jab into his side closest to her before turning to them. “Hi, Katara Sweetwater and guest.”

Zuko took her nametag from the nice volunteer and stepped close to Katara so he could affix it to her blouse. She blushed at the attention. He tapped her nose with a finger just as her dad’s hand landed on her shoulder.

“Katara. Quick question. I’ll bring her right back Zuko.”

“Nice to see you, Hakoda, sir.”

The older man gave a smiling nod before pulling his daughter to the side out of earshot of others. “You brought Zuko?”

“Before you start, it was Sokka’s idea.”

*

Zuko leaned against the wall blocking access to the small alcove where Katara and Hakoda were clearly hashing something out. Somehow, that must have given a guy with even scruffier hair and leather pants permission to lean against the wall next to him. Zuko just raised an eyebrow, but waited in silence for the stranger to explain himself.

“One of the downsides of being the teacher’s daughter. Always pulled off to get private lectures.”

“I’m not sure; the man has a fine touch with the grill. I’d almost consider him a perk.”

The stranger offered a hand. “Jet.” Ah yes. The one from end of senior year into college. The teenage rebellion one. The “only brought home once to unmitigated disaster” one.

Zuko took his hand and gave a firm shake. “Zuko.”

Jet’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t remember such a name in our graduating class.”

“Oh no, I didn’t go to this school. I’m Katara’s date though. Hence the hanging back. I’d much rather navigate this with her.”

“Interesting. We used to date; did she tell you that?”

“No, sorry. It must have slipped her mind.”

Jet scoffed a little. “Typical. Well, here’s some free advice, since you’re obviously new to this relationship. Whatever Mr. Sweetwater says, goes. She won’t even question how high if dear daddy tells her to jump or to break up with some guy. So I wouldn’t get too attached. If Mr. Sweetwater decides you’re done? You’re done.”

Zuko raised a dismissive eyebrow. “If you think Hakoda could make Katara do anything she didn’t want to do, I’d say you’re a fool.”

“That’s what I thought. But just you wait. Or you could always bail. I mean, it’s a little weird to be coming to a school reunion this early on, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” an older voice cut in. “A year and a half sounds about reasonable to me. Katara, thanks for updating me on Sokka. I appreciate it.” Katara, now standing next to Zuko and away from Jet, smiled at her father as he stood in front of the three of them. “Zuko, always a pleasure to see you.” He pulled the younger man into a brief hug. “Good to see you, too, Hakoda.” The teacher turned to the third member, voice and face notably colder. “Jet. Enjoy the party, all of you.” And he waded into the loose crowd.

Zuko offered a hand to Katara. “Well, care to introduce me to some of your classmates?”

“Of course,” she replied, placing her palm in his. “Nice to see you, Jet.”

“Uh, yeah. Same to you.”

Zuko gave him a jaunty two-finger salute from the forehead. “Nice talking with you, buddy. Enjoy the party.”

Jet just glared, and Zuko had to keep him from laughing. He leaned down to Katara’s ear. “Please tell me you have more ex-boyfriends I can annoy.”

She turned, her face so close to his, as she replied, “Unfortunately, no. There are, of course, multiple hearts I broke, but most of them were actually nice.”

“Then why break the pattern with Jet, of all people.”

Katara shrugged. “You don’t always see a mistake before you make it.”

Gently bumping her shoulder with his, he replied. “Fair enough.”

*

Katara tried not to panic as the dinner ended and spun into dancing. Zuko was too good at this. She knew that both his jobs required him to charm people, but she didn’t know when he had gotten good at it. Well, not good like a politician is good at charming. It all felt so real, the way he was genuinely interested in Haru’s moustache care or how he listened to Jin talk about her full classrooms of adorable kids. He still stumbled over words - he was still Zuko - but no one seemed to care, least of all him.

When he asked her dance for a slow song, she regretted having asked him to come the way she did, but it was too late now.

“This is nice.”

He only hummed in reply, the note vibrating in his chest. With her ear pressed against his sternum, she could swear she could feel it.

“You were so charming. How do you manage it? It can’t be just all that council practice; I see you enough times when you come home from a session.”

He chuckled, another pleasant vibration against her face. “I just comfort myself with the knowledge that, given how few of them I met before tonight, even just as your friend, I don’t have to see these people for another five to ten years, whenever they schedule the next reunion. It makes it a lot easier to let the mistakes roll off my back, because they’ll have forgotten by then.”

Katara pulled back. “You would come to another of these with me?”

“Of course, Katara.”

She leaned close, still swaying to the music. “Real or for tonight?”

His eyes widened, but he didn’t immediately say anything. Disappointed, and shocked she was so disappointed, she tucked her head back on his sternum. “I’m sorry. That was, unfair, of me to ask.”

“No, it just, surprised me. I didn’t expect you, well.” He paused. “Do you want it to be fake? Because if not, we can ditch this popsicle stand and get some real ice cream and get talking in peace.”

“Getting ice cream sounds nice.”

“You gotta remember to take it slow though; don’t want to get hurt going to fast in trying something new.”

“Of course. It’s the best way to appreciate what you chose.”

As the song ended, Zuko pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Then, Sugar Queen, lets go get you some super chocolate fudge.”

“Aww, you remembered!”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

From Chin To Yon Rah (Part 13)

It was really only a matter of time before he saw her for what she really was. A mess. A disaster. An unsettling freak. And thank Agni that Atsu wasn’t home.

She supposes it was a day like any other. Really there was nothing different about it. Nothing even slightly different from the cozy routine that she has managed to fall into and yet here she is… She supposes it has just all caught up with her...

It was a bright morning. She’d gone to the market--closed her eyes and savored the kaleidoscope of morning scents; the first batches of bread for the day, much less poignant Earth Kingdom spices, herbal teas wafting from restaurants, and the jasmines resting in window sills among others.

Just as she has every day for the past year, Azula made her way to the town library. It had become something of a passtime to consume scroll after scroll, text after text. She is fond of the debate events that the library holds every now and again; they assure her that her mind isn’t growing dull. And when she can, she steals off and deep into the treeline to work on her bending. She won’t let herself weaken, even if she has no particular reason to fight anymore.

And it was going smoothly as it ever had, more than smoothly, really. She thinks that her fire has more power these days, more control. She finds that without the pressures of war and high standards, that she has more energy to put forth. And without judgment she has no constraints. Nothing to keep her from experimenting with forms and stances of her own.

That afternoon was another spent mixing earthbending forms with firebending forms. The weeks prior had been about observation; watching them bend and imitating them without fire. It had drawn some looks and plenty of questions. Mostly from Atsu and mostly about why a firebender would want to practice earthbending katas.

Her studies had come to pay off that afternoon. She supposes that she’d felt accomplished but that sense of achievement...it was somehow skewed. Off and in a way she couldn’t place. And perhaps that should have been her first clue to tread carefully.

All in all, her day had come to pass in a half haze. Harvesting turnips was an absent-minded task, around turnip six she had drifted. She thinks that Seukhyun might have conversed with her for some time.

“Are you alright?” She remembered him asking. “I can ask my old man to let you have the rest of the evening off.”

She hadn’t taken him up on the offer. When she looked over her shoulder she saw a full wheelbarrow. “What time is it?”

“About an hour into sunset.”

Azula had tensed. She had started several hours before sunset. She opened her mouth and closed it again. She remembers Ojihara insisting that she went home with a few extra coins and an assurance that she’d done more than her share of work for the day anyhow. She doesn’t remember walking home but she remembers Seukhyun telling Hajime to, “watch your fiance.”

She doesn’t hold it against him, he had only left her alone for perhaps five minutes or so. But that was plenty enough. She doesn’t understand, it had been such a good day. Such a productive day.

Yet she is curled up on the floor weeping. They are back. It has been so very long since she’d seen any of them. But they stand around her; Zuko, Mai, TyLee and her mother, uncle, and father. All of them. And they all tell her that she doesn’t deserve what she has.

“You ran away.” Zuko points out.

“That isn’t the same as making things right.” TyLee elaborates with a frown.

Azula claws at her hairline. “I needed to leave.” She mutters. “You didn’t want me around anyways, I know that you didn’t.”

“Yeah. We wanted you to stay put in the asylum with the rest of the lunatics.” Mai quirks a brow. “Do you really think that you should be talking to Hajime?”

“And the kid!” Zuko adds. “You’re going to hurt them.”

“Just like you hurt everyone you care about.” TyLee nods.

Azula’s stomach drops, she can’t speak past the lump in her throat. And maybe that is a mercy, because she hears footsteps. She isn’t sure if those are real either.

“He only offered to marry you because he’s scared of you.”

Azula shakes her head. She glares at her mother. The woman doesn’t help. She never helps. Just as always she leaves. Vanishes right when she could use someone the most, right when she needs someone to help her save herself.

“He doesn’t love you.” Ozai sneers.

“Rikka?”

“You’re a waste of his time.”

“Rikka?”

“And he’s a waste of yours.”

She feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Get rid of him and make something of yourself.” She sees the fire come to his palm and bunches in on herself.

“Rikka what’s going on?” He carefully rolls her over to face him. He doesn’t quite get her there. She lies on her back staring at the ceiling, at the things swirling around on the ceiling. Tears drip down her cheeks and make trails towards her ears.

Her body feels limp and heavy. Weighted and somehow distant. And why now? Why now, when everything is going alright?

The shadows on the wall twist. She doesn’t feel real. For a moment she doesn’t remember where she is. For a moment it doesn’t matter because it isn’t real anyways. That would explain it well--why she had been so happy. Because it wasn’t real. None of it. Likely she has been alone this whole time and Hajime is exactly what she wants so he is exactly what her mind has conjured up for her...

“Can I hold you?”

She isn’t sure why he would want to. It is because he isn’t real. She makes some sort of attempt to put herself in his arms. He does the rest for her, scooping her into his grasp and propping her up against his body. He holds her head against his chest. His heartbeat is nice. It’s steady. It’s rhythmic. It isn’t hectic and crazed like her own.

She feels his hand. It smooths over her hair and rubs up and down on her back. It is real. It is there. They--the hallucinations, she forces herself to admit--can’t touch her. They can reach out but they never touch her. They never try and when she tries to touch them, friendly or otherwise, they disperse. Hajime is real. He has been real.

He kisses her forehead. “What’s going on?” He asks again.

“I…” She swallows back a sob before it can come out again. “Where’s Atsu?” Agni, she hopes he isn’t home.

“Don’t worry, he’s spending the night with his friend Minko.” He gives her a little squeeze. For a moment she can better hear his heartbeat. She closes her eyes and listens to it. He brushes her tears away with his thumbs. She tries to match her breathing up with the beat of his heart. Slow and steady. Even and level. He is quiet. Patient.

He waits for her to lift her head from his chest before saying anything more. And when he does speak it is much more light-hearted than she anticipated. He cupping her face in his hands and holds her formerly drooping head up. “That position looks terribly uncomfortable.”

He isn’t wrong. She has legs bent back in an awkward ‘w’ and her arms between them, just barely propping her up. She pulls her legs in and draws them up to her chest. Some of the tension loosens.

“Better?”

She nods. “A little.”

“Do you want to sit on the deck, get some fresh air?”

She nods again.

“You don’t have to tell me what that was, but you can if it will help.”

She is still somewhat shaky when she gets to her feet. Her head still dizzy and foggy. She thinks that it might help. She is keeping enough secrets from the man as it is. She bites her lip. Maybe they are right. Maybe she doesn’t deserve him if she can’t even tell him the truth.

“I’m insane.” She mumbles.

He brings her to a halt, stands before her, and firmly clasps his hands around her shoulders. She can feel her head dipping again but she is too tired to hold it upright. “You aren’t…”

“I hear things that aren’t there. Sometimes nothing feels real. Sometimes I feel like everyone is plotting against me. I’m insane.”

Hajime inhales. “I’ve known you for a year now. I think that it’s safe to say that this sort of thing isn’t exactly character defining.”

“This is the first time I wasn’t able to ignore it well. I see them a lot. More often them you know. I can just block them out…”

“Come on.” He hoists her into his arms and carries her outside. He finds his favorite  porch bench and sits, cradling her in his lap. “You can tell me when you see them, you know that right? Even if it’s something little.”

“There’s something wrong with me…” If only she could be normal. If only she could have held out just a little longer. Held out until a day when he wasn’t around to witness it.

“You don’t have to be okay all the time. You’re allowed to be hurt.”

She bunches her hands up in the folds of his shirt.

“I can’t imagine you’re the only one who has some…” he furrows his brows. “Some damage. I’ve heard of soldiers with a lot of similar struggles. War does things to people, Rikka. Especially if you just keep it all inside.” He lightly taps the side of her head. “That’s not good for you. Even if you’re happy, really happy, that stuff is still sitting there in the back of your head waiting for an excuse to come up.”

“But nothing happened! Nothing brought it up!”

He nods, “yeah, sometimes if it sits for too long it just happens.”  He rubs his face. “I never talked about how my wife died. I saw it happen and I pretended like I didn’t. I was always happy for Seukhyun and our crew because someone had to be. I didn’t think about it...until I did.” He pauses. “And then it just hits. I let it sit quiet for so long that it hit hard.”

“My name isn’t even Rikka! How am I supposed to talk about this when I can’t even tell you my real name?” She feels the heat on her palms and, Agni, does she want to unleash it. Her mind. Agni, it is in such disarray that she can’t even…

“You can try. You don’t have to tell me your real name. You don’t have to tell me anything about your past that you don’t want to. Just tell me something so I can help you.”

Maybe it is because her mind has betrayed her once more. Maybe it is simply because he is Hajime. Because he didn’t push her.

But she tells him about her mother and about her father. About Mai and TyLee. And something about Zuko, changing names where she sees fit. Thank Agni no one ever truly knew Azula. He doesn’t put the pieces together. Somehow she feels as though she has only secured her secret. Princess Azula is perfect. Nothing is wrong with Princess Azula. But Azula is unstable, hurt, and worn. Azula is lost. And Rikka is all of that. But Rikka is cared for. Rikka is loved.

Hajime hugs her tighter. “You haven’t told anyone else any of this, have you?”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to fix me Hajime. I need to…”

“That’s why you wander, isn’t it?”

She nods.  “Something like that.”

“I guess that you’ll have some people to wander with you then.”

“I want to stay here. I like it here. I think that…” She trails off. “I have a family?”

Hajime smiles. “You have family and friends and a pet mongoose-lizard.”

“I’ll tell you  one day.”

“Tell me what?”

“My real name.”

He laughs, “I don’t mind waiting.” He reaches into her pocket and draws out the stone, a small betrothal gem now fixed upon its center. “We have quite a while, yes?”

Azula nods.

She may not have been able to tell him her name, but he knows who she is. He knows Azula better than anyone who does know her name.

That day she learns what it is to be loved. Accepted. She learns to let her walls down, even if it is only to a single soul.

.oOo.

She is surprised to see him standing in her doorway again. She supposes that she shouldn’t be, he has visited her at least once, usually twice, a day. Even still, she was certain that her impulsive antics would have driven him well away.

“You told Zuzu about the other night.” She remarks.

He shakes his head. “Not me. There are kind of a lot of people talking about that.”

Azula cringes.

“It’s not all bad stuff.” He grins. “They said that you inher...are a great actress.”

“They said that I inherited my mother’s acting abilities.” She replies plainly. “Be forward with me, Sokka. I’m not delicate.”

“I know that.” He smiles. “It’s just that Zuko mentioned that you don’t like talking about that.”

The man’s face is fully flushed, she ought to show him at least a little mercy so she gives the discussion a dismissive wave. “What did you come here to tell me?”

“I was actually going to ask you if you, maybe wanted to go do another activity. But this time it won’t be weird.”

“Sure, Sokka. We can do another activity. What do you have in mind?”

“I thought that I’d let you pick this time.”

“My idea of a good time is going to the library and…”

He perks up. “It just so happens that I enjoy a good library. As long as it remains above ground.”

Azula quirks a brow. “And why wouldn’t it?”

“Oh you know, because it’s in the middle of a desert!” He gives a wide and exaggerated sweeping gesture. “And it’s guarded by a crazy, angry owl spirit.”

“Right. Well we don’t have ‘crazy’ owl spirits in our libraries and we aren’t in a desert so I’d wager that we’ll be staying perfectly above ground.” She rises and pushes her chair in. “I’ll send for you when I am dressed.”

.oOo.

By send for him, he didn’t realize that she meant she’d send herself. “That was quick.”

Azula shrugs. “I didn’t bother with the spa this time around. I’m not in a pampering mood today.”

“Then what kind of mood are you in?”

She is quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure exactly.” There is something in her eyes, something distant. He doesn’t think that she is lying but he isn’t sure that she is being entirely truthful.

“You sure about that?”

Another silence. “I’ll be fine, Sokka.”

Curious word choice. He doesn’t call her on it. “Alright, so let's go to this library.” He follows her through the crowd. “What are you planning on reading about?”

“I haven’t decided.”

“I’m planning on trying to read about Fire Nation swords. Maybe learn a thing or two about the stuff like what Master Piandao taught me!”

“Okay.”

“You’re quiet today.”

“I’m always quiet, Sokka.”

“Not when you’re talking about battle tactics and Zuko’s newly implemented policies.”

“We aren’t talking politics or strategies right now. I like to think that I’ve learned to separate that talk from small talk.”

He laughs. “Yeah, according to TyLee you’ve gotten a lot better at talking to people.”

She nods.

“So why don’t you show off your new social skills?”

“They aren’t exactly new anymore.” She replies. “And I’m not in a talking mood.

Sokka frowns. “Is this about the other night? You don’t have to pretend like you had a good time if…”

“It’s not about the other night. It’s not about you at all.”

.oOo.

As charming and semi-comforting as his concern is, she wishes that he would stop pushing. Spirits, the man is persistent in his badgering. Though she supposes that she understands his concern. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” She reiterates.

His expression doesn’t lighten up any.

“Don’t get so gloomy.”

“Sorry.” Sokka mumbles. “It’s just hard for me to be happy when…”

When she’s sucking the joy from the atmosphere around them. At this point even if she faked a smile he’d know that it’s all bullshit. Though he did say that she is a perfectly capable actress. “I’ll...try to enjoy myself. I won’t make any promises though.”

This is enough, the tribesman is smiling again. “Great, because I was planning on making sure that you had a good day.”

She manages a small smile of her own. It has been some time since anyone has so deliberately tried to lift her mood.

He wiggles his brows. “I think that it’s working.”

“Don’t push your luck.” She rolls her eyes as she leans into the large door of the library. “The books on Fire Nation swordsmanship is in the military section. I can show you where that is, I’ve read most of those books already.”

They wander past a grumbling man with frizzy, greying hair reading a scroll about mechanics and past a pregnant woman and her wailing daughter. The disheveled old man cuts mother a glare while one of several librarians bumps into a scrawny teenaged boy.

Sokka stops to help her pick up the scrolls.

“Oh! Princess!” She gives a slight bow. “Is everything to your liking? If I’d have known you’d be coming by I would have had your usual spot reserved. I can get it ready for you.”

“That’s fine Quin-Mei. I’ll be showing Sokka around.”

“Well if there’s anything that I can do to make you comfortable, let me know.”

“Of course.”

“You don’t have to be so formal…” Sokka says after the woman leaves.

“It’s called politeness. Do you have that in the tribes?”

“We have so much politeness in the tribes!” He declares.

Azula cringes, her cheeks flashing a slight pink. “Quiet, Sokka, we’re in a library.”  The man truly does have a habit of embarrassing the both of them.

His face goes red but not quite as red as the fizzy-haired man’s. He picks up his scrolls with an agitated grumble and shuffles to the check out desk.

“Hey Azula, look what I found!” Sokka declares. “Someone hid this scroll in with the military ones.”

He unfurls a children’s tale. The Dragon & The Crane. Azula swallows, it is more than enough to deliver the final blow. It just so happens that he has found the first Fire Nation children’s tale that she had read to Atsu as she tucked the boy into bed.

She tries to keep the conversation going, but she can feel herself fading. Fading until she is only partially engaged in the conversation. She doesn’t quite remember reading anything neither does she really recall walking home.

.oOo.

He has to admit to himself that he is nervous. He isn’t even sure what he has done this time. But then, he gets the suspicion that he hasn’t done anything at all. Earth Kingdom travels or none, she is still Azula. She still has her moods and her reservations. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, if all it takes to upset her is to get a little too loud in a library then maybe she hasn’t changed as much as he had anticipated. Or maybe it is that she can only handle so much secondhand embarrassment.

He ought to leave her to fume silently, but he can’t bring himself to leave the situation so open. She can at least tell him why she went so abruptly cold and silent. He thinks that it will drive him mad if she doesn’t.   He hears her before he even reaches her room. Her cries aren’t muffled, not even slightly masked. His heart drops. Why had he assumed that she was mad? Raava, he is dull minded. Why hadn’t he even thought that she might simply be having an off day? He slaps his own forehead, she had told him that it had nothing to do with him. Thank the spirits that he hadn’t just thrown her door open and prattled off his grievances.

He hesitates in the doorway, she has left it wide open. She is curled up on the bed clutching that stuffed badger-mole tighter than she has gripped anything. Her face is partially buried in the worn fabric. He wonders if he should turn around, he very clearly remembers Katara mentioning that the last time she was ‘off’ she blasted lightning at Zuko and breathed fire. But that was then. That was a long time ago.

Against his better judgement he clears his throat.

Azula looks up from the badger-mole. He expects her to chuck the thing at him, to tell him to leave. Instead she squeezes her eyes shut and grits her teeth.

“Can I sit down?”

She pats the mattress next to her.

“I didn’t do anything, did I?”

She rolls onto her back and her shirt hikes up ever so slightly. Just enough for him to see the edge of another scar that runs across her belly. She drapes the badger-mole over her eyes and takes a sharp breath.

“It’s alright, I’m not judging.” He says. Though it is strange to see her so openly vulnerable. Even still he can see her trying to slow her tears. “I promise, I’m not. If you want to cry, just cry. I won’t even tell Zuko.”

And she does. He thinks that she might be crying harder still. He has an urge to reach out, he lifts his hand from the mattress but stops short, thinking better of it. She was never the touching, cuddling sort.

“They’re dead, Sokka. They’re all dead.”

He cringes. Clearly the wound has reopened. He doesn’t think that had ever been stitched. With a hard swallow he asks, “who are they and what happened?”

She squeezes the badger-mole, her lower lip quivers. “Hajime. They killed Hajime. And Atsu. And...they’re all dead.”

[carnistcervine]

Fire School AU

I originally got the idea for this AU while thinking about how funny it would have been if the whole Gaang was caught for "ditching school." And then I though, shit, let's force them to attend a Fire Nation school. Just the thought of these dorks trying to blend in with the common people of the Fire Nation, whom they have no reference for how they actually think or act just amuses me to no real end.

And I thought, hell, I really like this idea, lets go full on AU with it. So here we are.

-There's no war in this AU, I wanna focus on the Gaang having fun and ignoring their responsibilities so, I can't really have the end of the world looming over their heads.

-They aren't that irresponsible.

-Aang was still frozen for a hundred years, only in this case it was actually an accident. He wasn't running away because he found out he was the Avatar, he was just taking a regular trip when he got caught up in a freak storm and froze himself.

-There is still cause for alarm when the Avatar goes missing for a century, tho.

-At first the Air Nomads assume that poor Aang had died, but no new Avatar is born, so they can only assume he got lost somehow.

-But no one finds him, at least until a hundred years later when Katara and Sokka are out fishing and competing with each other over whether waterbending or using a spear is a more effective method.

-Things come to a head when they sabotage each other and get into a heated argument. While their arguing, they neglect to notice that they are drifting dangerously close to a fast moving current. They try to get out, but it's too strong and leaves them stranded in the middle of an ice field.

-Sokka takes this opportunity to roast waterbending as an art and Katara's goes off, snapping a glacier in two and revealing our bby Aang.

-She frees Aang from the ice, and Aang is weirdly chipper for someone that was frozen solid a few moments ago.

-Weirdest part? He's not even cold or anything.

-Seeing as their boat is ruined, Aang gives them a lift back to their village, and meets their dad.

-Hakoda is super nice and hospitable, he insists that Aang stay for dinner and Aang can't deny the offer. He feels like he hasn't eaten in a hundred years.

-During dinner the topic of the Avatar comes up. Katara asks Aang if he knows who it is, or anything about them. Aang just shrugs, he has no clue. Sometimes Gyatso would talk about his old friend, Avatar Roku. But Roku's been dead for Aang's whole life. Aang really doesn't know who the next Avatar is. (He hopes that it's not him, he doesn't know if he could handle that level of responsibility.)

-Apparently the Avatar has been missing for a hundred years. Poor Aang does a spit take. He's pretty sure Roku hasn't been dead for that long. He has many concerns but he doesn't voice them.

-Aang and Katara hang out for a bit after the meal, and Katara asks Aang about the rest of the world. It becomes clear pretty fast that Katara hasn't been outside the South Pole. Aang is set to leave in the morning, and Katara asks to go with him. Aang just says sure, assuming that she has permission to go where she wants. And temporarily forgetting that other cultures don't work like his does. :'D

-The next morning they're set to leave when Sokka confronts them. It seems at first like he's there to drag his sister back home, but he actually wants to go with them.

-Aang can't stop thinking about how weird it is that the Avatar has been missing for a century and it makes him nervous about going home. He still doesn't realize that he's the Avatar, but he does realize that he might have been frozen for longer than he initially thought.

-So he goes to the Earth Kingdom instead.

-On their way to Omashu(to ride the mail delivery system) they come across a young girl named Toph.

-She ran away from home about a week ago and is hungry and tired and getting close to just going back home when the Gaang find her. Aang offers her a ride, mentioning that they're going to Omashu to ride the mail delivery system.

-Toph doesn't know these strange people, but that sounds awfully fun, and they are telling the truth. So Toph decides to travel with them, casually mentioning that she's a run away when they ask her about where she was going.

-Aang doesn't think twice about welcoming her aboard, because he's used to picking up travellers and such. It was just part of the Air Nomad way to show hospitality to others.

-Katara and Sokka also casually mention that they're runaways and Aang stiffens slightly but doesn't say anything.

-They get to Omashu, ride the mail system and inevitably get into a fuck-ton of trouble. And Toph helps them escape and they flee Omashu, now wanted by the Earth Kingdom for wanton destruction of a major city.

-Ho boy they do end up having nothing but major thanks for Toph for helping them.

-While Toph was intially suspicious of the Gaang, she does warm up to them as she starts to realize that they see her for her and not her disability.

-While on the run from the law in the Earth Kingdom, they come across a runaway firebender who goes by Lee. When questioned, Lee gives some sob story about being a half breed and running away from home.

-Toph knows he's lying. It's super obvious in her opinion, but no one else is picking up on it and he doesn't give off any dangerous vibes so she wants to see how far this goes.

-Lee also happens to be in trouble with Earth Kingdom authorities. For stealing. :D

-So the group leave and decide to hide out in the Fire Nation.

-Lee is hesitant, but relents to not draw suspicion to himself.

-When they get to the Fire Nation though, Sokka goes out to find disguises for them and comes across a missing poster featuring 'Lee's face. Turns out, "Lee" is actually Prince Zuko.

-Sokka is not happy about this turn of events, but Zuko stays in the group.

-Sokka comes up with the idea to dawn new identities and wear disguises.

-Aang wears a wig and a headband so no one will see his arrows. They're kind of a dead give away that he's an Air Nomad.

-There's no beef between the Air Nomads and Fire Nation, but a random one hanging out with a bunch of Fire Nationers would draw suspicion/attention.

-Zuko puts on make-up to make a fake eye scar and covers it up with an eyepatch of sorts.

-They all come up with fake names, Sokka is Wang Fire, Aang is Kuzon, Toph goes by Blaze, Katara goes by Sapphire, and Zuko ends up going by Ryuko.

-The Gaang are inevitably caught by truancy officers are are enrolled in school.

-After school, they find a nice(ish) building in an abandoned part of town and take up residence in there.

-Zuko does his blue spirit thing to get them supplies and stuff. Katara is the only one that takes issue with this.

-In a way, they're living it up. No parents, no responsibilities, no rules, just a bunch of dumb kids having fun. Toph is in heaven.

-Hell even going to school is kinda fun, because there's no real consequence for failing. Zuko's the only native Fire Nationer, and he's a prince!

-Eventually though, Aang starts to have strange dreams of a tall man wreathed in fire calling out to him. He tells Aang he has a message, that he needs to meet. He shows Aang a vision of a crescent island and a temple with a statue inside.

-Aang's dream is vague and blurry, but the one clear thing that sticks out is the vision of the island and the temple.

-He looks around in the library at the school to try and parse some meaning from the dream.

-It just so happens that his class is studying Avatar Roku and Aang recognizes the island and temple.

-Aang starts to have some worries when he realizes that a previous Avatar is trying to contact him.

-He tells his friends and they all agree that it's supes weird. But they agree to help him break into a sacred temple anyway.

-They're chaotic gremlins like that.

-Roku confirms with Aang that he's the Avatar.

-But while Aang is chatting it up with Roku, the Fire Sages realize that the Avatar has returned and that he's with Roku.

-Cue to the Gaang creating a distraction so Aang can get away.

-In the confusion, the Sages only notice that who ever the Avatar is, they're wearing a school uniform.

-Now they're after the Avatar so they can get him trained(and lectured on why he shouldn't be breaking into sacred temples).

-The Gaang try to resume their fake lives as students, but the adults are slowly closing in on them.

-Especially now that word is out that the Avatar has returned.

Okay so some other notes on this AU:

-Iroh is the Fire Lord, Lu Ten is alive and well. And Ozai's a stuck-up douche, but not actually evil in any capacity. Also, he actually cares about his children. Not that it matters, because Zuko is a disaster bean anyway.

-Katara is a master waterbender because the South Pole was never stripped, and the South Pole is a thriving community just like the North.

-Relations between the nations are much better in general. Especially because the Fire Nation is notably not hostile.

-Also dragons never went extinct.

- :)

Side note- This idea was also experimented with in 25 Days of CATLA. :’D

[firelxrdsdaughter]

How did the scene/conversation go where Azula tells Ozai about the looming eclipse?

“Father there is one other thing.”

His eyes lance through the space between them, and Azula looks away for a moment, going back to one knee. Her father lets out a sigh, exasperated, and then she hears the telltale snap of his wide sleeve as he gestures at her to continue.

Azula looks at him sidelong.

“Something that I heard when I was still undercover at Ba Sing Se.”

“Get on with it, Azula.”

“The Earth King was planning with the Avatar and his companions to invade the Fire Nation on the day of the coming solar eclipse. Somehow they’d got wind of it, and were going to use our weakness against us.”

“…Is this something that we knew of?”

“No. Someone has taken it upon themselves to be the potential impetus of a disaster, in that regard. When I find out who it is that neglected to tell us of the coming of the eclipse, I will be certain to make sure they are never able to make such a mistake again.”

“Good…Obviously you believe this to be an imminent threat to us, still, or else you would not have brought it up.”

“That is correct.”

“But your brother killed the Avatar.”

Azula pauses, but only for long enough to take a breath. “It looked like he killed him, yes, but honestly who knows? The little Water Tribe peasant took the body with her and escaped into the night, and Zuko’s not really known for his flawless execution of anything.”

“…That is true…” She watches him stroke the length of his pointed beard, looking contemplative. “Well, regardless, you’re correct. It is best to take precautions anyway. Who knows; you let the Earth King escape, after all. Maybe they will still have the wherewithal to amass behind him and attack anyway. Agni knows we’ve made enemies abroad.”

Azula’s heart clenches. Stills. Then it’s beating again, a little faster. She takes measured breaths and it slows to resting speed once more.

“Father please forgive me for my foolishness, I — “

“No need. You have already been forgiven. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time.” The words don’t sound true.

Azula winces without meaning to.

“In any case,” he sighs out tiredly, resting more casually without the presence of others to watch them, “I trust that you will redeem yourself with a plan to successfully route the remaining resisting forces. I’m expecting that you will spearhead it, as you are my most trusted soldier.”

“Of - of course. Thank you father.” Azula bows.

There’s another long pause; long enough that Azula’s arms begin to ache a little where she has prostrated to allow her forehead to touch the smooth grain of the wood floor. Father takes pity.

“Enough. Come here my child.”

Azula rises, taking the few steps between herself and her father before she’s at his side and then kneeling once again. Ozai reaches over, pulling her close to press a kiss on her forehead. It’s hard enough that she can feel the dull edge of his teeth through his lips.

“You will be a fine Fire Lord one day.”

The unspoken expectation is there once again. The one that she had thought herself to be rid of since Zuko had been sent away. That her brother is first in line but that she will not allow him to take what is rightfully hers. She must compete with him again, and for that she feels an ungrateful clench in the pit of her stomach.

She should not have told father that Zuko took care of the Avatar. If she had played her cards right, if she’d been less soft, then she would have ensured that he be rotting away beneath the citadel along with their fat, old, Uncle right now.

But she had been soft…And now she must remember herself.

“You are too kind, father.”

“Perhaps,” he answers mildly.

Ozai releases her then, gesturing once more to the doorway of the study. “Go on. You have had a long journey and I am certain that you will wish to rest.”

“Thank you.” Azula bows again, from the waist, and then gets to her feet. She makes certain that her steps are measured and cool as she leaves the room behind her.

When she is out of sight and out of earshot of anyone that could report back, howevever, she gasps for breath, leaning hard against one of the many pillars supporting the roof over the open hallway. Azula feels sick, but presses down on her urge to vomit, the back of her hand placed firmly against her lips as she takes in one whooshing breath after the other.

[lykezoinks]

[ a/n: alright, this is my last entry for @klangst-week. thanks everybody for all the likes and reblogs! it keeps me writing, and it’s just nice to see people enjoying what i’m putting out! also, the works everyone’s created have just been amazing, so keep it up, y’all! ]

title: impulse control words: 3,547 prompt: secrets/betrayal rating/genre: T for language, modern au, college au, angst & hurt/comfort with a tinge of humor trigger warning(s): mental illness (implied depression and anxiety), depersonalization, mentions of injury (bruises and blood) extra notes: keith and shiro are adoptive brothers (it’s mentioned very briefly), klance is established

Yes, he works in the most hipster coffee shop within a twenty mile radius of campus. And yes, he loves it. Sure, The Underground sounds more like a sketchy bar you’d find in an alleyway that may or may not host fight clubs every other night, and yeah, it kinda smells like pencil shavings even after he mops the floors three times at opening, but at least it has character. Most people would roll their eyes at the always pretentious shop-goer in their thrift store clothing and knit hats, but Lance can’t help but find them interesting. Not that it surprises anyone.

Lance became famous around campus after only one year of being a— totally amazing, if he may say so himself— residence hall assistant. Almost anyone who lived in Levine Hall found a friend in Lance McClain. Eager to please and even more eager to befriend, it’s no secret that he falls in love with almost every social interaction he can muster up.

So he really doesn’t mind if a customer wants to discuss their latest film project, and he’s always happy to adhere to any non-dairy milk preference. Though he doesn’t have a septum ring to match his coworkers’ and he’s a bit too smiley for the spoken poetry nights they host on the stage in the back, that doesn’t stop anyone from placing a dollar in the tip jar after he compliments their tattoos or ends a pleasant conversation with a smile and a wink.

The night shift is easy enough to work. People stop entering the cafe sometime after ten, staying their welcome to study on the couches and leaving before closing. Lance’s manager insists Lance work the front while Floyd takes on the side work. So the remainder of Lance’s shift is spent leaning his elbow against the counter and letting his fingers fall one-by-one against his cheek. He tells leaving customers to enjoy the rest of their night as they leave behind a buzz of idle chatter and a ding of the door. Once the cafe clears out, all that’s left is the sounds of Floyd sweeping the floors and an acoustic song from some band that Lance thinks should have never left their basement.

“Am I free to go, bossman?” Lance asks, drumming his hands against the counter, wiggling his hips in time with the beat as his eyes dart between Floyd and the analog clock on the wall.

“You’re good to go,” Floyd nods, sliding Lance’s wallet across the countertop.

With a happy sigh, Lance punches a few buttons on the register, pulling the drawer out and placing it in the office in the back before clocking himself out and grabbing his keys from the hook. The second he does, his phone rings from its spot in his jacket pocket. Slipping it into his palm, he drags his thumb across the screen and cradles it between his ear and his shoulder. “Perfect timing! How’s it hangin’, Pidgeotto?”

“Lance! Hey, um…” The way Pidge says ‘Lance’, high pitched and cracking, tells him he’s about to get bad news. Before he can stop her, Pidge is already stringing together a plethora of subject changers that just seem ridiculous given that the two of them weren’t on a particular subject to begin with.

“Pidge,” Lance interrupts partway through some bullshit commentary having to do with the ‘crazy weather we’ve been having.’ Lance knows that no one has to explain climate change to Pidge, given its something she rants about at least twice a day. “What’s going on?”

“Yeah, okay… Um, we’re at Black Spot… And, uh— Hunk… Hunk, would you— No, grab him! Jesus… “

“What happened?” His sigh is heavy as he closes the door behind him after giving Floyd a curt wave, already headed toward his car. The Black Spot never means anything good, ever. Why his boyfriend so loves the town’s shadiest bar is beyond Lance; he doesn’t exactly find peeling paint and stained floor boards charming. And the muscled biker guys that do nothing but take up space at the bar to glower at the assorted whiskeys along the wall and ramble about their Navy days— or something like that— don’t exactly put Lance in the partying mood.

“Lotor happened.”

“Oh, God…” Lance drags a hand down his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.

He doesn’t need context. Any instance in which Lance’s current boyfriend and Lance’s ex-boyfriend are in the same room usually results in disaster. And a night in the E.R. And, lo and behold, by some cruel twist of fate, these disasters are becoming more and more frequent in recent months. Lance is half convinced that they’re destined to kill each other, like Lotor is Tybalt and Keith is a far less flamboyant Mercutio. Lance refuses to be the Benvolio in this situation. “Just stay put. I’ll be there in a sec.”

A near collision and a half-assed parallel parking job later, Lance walks himself outside the bar, feeling exceptionally underdressed as the Winter weather dusts over his arms. He has to push himself through a crowd of people waiting to be let in by the bouncer before he sees a head of familiar wild hair. In her NASA sweatshirt and minimalist alien hat, Pidge looks like she belongs at a performance art showcase rather than a night out on the town, but Lance is too exhausted to comment on his friends’ poor fashion decisions. Even if that Hawaiian shirt is so not Hunk’s color.

Instead, his focus shifts onto his leather-clad boyfriend, and rather than point out the fact he looks like a Danny Zuko knock-off with a red beanie and black baby gauges in his ears, he steps forward with his arms crossed instead.

“Hey, Lance,” Pidge sighs, sounding somewhat relieved. Hunk is a bit busy grabbing at Keith’s shoulder every time he tries to take a step toward the street. Handling a Drunk Keith is like— as Keith would say in True Texan Spirit— herding cats.

“Hey,” Lance says briskly, marching passed Pidge to strap a hand on the collar of Keith’s jacket. “Lemme see.”

Keith huffs and turns his head, looking utterly indifferent as Lance’s eyes widen.

“Shit, Keith…” He squints a little, scanning over his boyfriend’s busted lip and the fresh patch of bruises, purples, blues, and reds bleeding from underneath one eye, across the bridge of his nose, and all the way under his other eye.

“It’s not that bad,” Keith slurs, holding up a wavering hand.

“Not that—!” Lance has to close his eyes and suck in a breath through his nose, counting to ten just like Mama McClain taught him, before he can open his eyes again. But his glare doesn’t disappear.

“Sorry, man,” Hunk all but mewls beside him, rubbing at the back of his neck in a flustered fashion. “I tried to pull them off of each other as soon as I could.”

“It’s not your fault, big guy,” Lance assures, turning to his best friend with a soft smile before glaring right back at his boyfriend. “It’s yours.”

“Why is it that all of a sudden—” Keith starts, but Lance knows better than to let him divert Lance’s attention.

“There’s no way Lotor with his pretty boy hands was the only culprit. Who the hell were you picking a fight with this time?”

Keith chews at the inside of his cheek, opting to take out his pent up anger on the ground as he fixes it with a fiery glare.

Pidge steps in for him then, pushing her circle glasses further up her nose. “The usual suspects.”

“Great,” Lance grumbles, never breaking his staring contest with Keith’s profile. “So now you wanna take on Lotor and his frat buddies. All of whom are very rich… And can hire very. Good. Attorneys.”

“Lance.” Hunk sets a hand on Lance’s back, offering a sympathetic look that makes Lance’s hunched shoulders deflate. “I know you’re mad, but do you really wanna do this out here?”

It’s then that Lance realizes he’s making a scene, the crowd of people on the street gawking in their direction. And he also realizes that it’s making Keith antsy. That’s apparent in the way he starts shifting his shoulders in every which way and pales a little in the face.

“We’re the ones who let your boyfriend off his leash,” Pidge admits, saying “your boyfriend” like he’s now completely Lance’s responsibility. Saying it like she hasn’t been Keith’s best friend since the fifth grade.

Lance fishes his car keys from his back pocket, still trying to cool off from the anger burning something fierce in his chest. “You guys enjoy the rest of your night, okay? I’m gonna take Keith back to the apartment.”

“Are you sure? We can come with you,” Hunk offers, the concern never leaving his eyes for a moment.

“No, seriously, it’s fine. Besides, I thought I saw a familiar little curly girly named Shay head into that other bar a couple blocks from here.”

Hunk reddens just a little, but nods in agreement as Pidge makes some complaint about being a third wheel. In a mess of goodbyes and repeatedly reaching for Keith’s hand— his opposition to PDA is counterproductive given that he can’t walk by himself without stumbling— Lance finally gets the chance to unlock his car and slide into the driver’s seat. Keith flops down into the passenger’s seat next to him, pulling one leg up to rest his foot on the polyester as he plays absently with the laces on his high tops.

The drive home is silent, mostly because Lance can’t think of a decent lecture that won’t end in a two-way silent treatment, something that’s proven to be agonizing given they’re the only two living in a one-bedroom apartment. After Lance parks, helps Keith climb the stairs, and fumbles with the key in the lock, Keith finds a spot in their too small kitchen, sliding down the lower cabinets to sit cross-legged on the floor. Because apparently he’s a household pet.

Lance rifles through the freezer, snagging a bag of whatever’s packaged and frozen before all but chucking it onto one of Keith’s thighs. Keith seems to get the message, picking it up and hesitantly pressing it to his multi-colored face. Lance finds the place on the floor across from his boyfriend and sits back on his thighs, staring. For a long while, the only sounds in the room are the hum of the refrigerator and their neighbor’s dog yipping through the walls.

“Are we gonna talk about this?” Lance says it more rhetorically than anything.

Keith swallows hard, trying to cover up half of his face with vegetable medley. His voice is muffled by the plastic when he says, “About what?”

Lance rolls his eyes, shaking his head. He has half the mind to storm off into the bedroom and leave Keith to tend to his own wounds. But being a middle sibling of six has taught him patience if nothing else, so he counts to ten again. “About why your face looks like a Goya painting,” he deadpans.

Keith fidgets under Lance’s gaze. His knuckles would be white if they weren’t bruised too. “You know how your asshole ex is.”

“Keith, you have got to pull your head out of the Middle Ages! I’m not some damsel in distress whose honor you have to defend.” Though Lance would admit it was hot the first time… But seeing Keith beat up with dried blood caked all over his features every other weekend is starting to look less suave and James Deany and more thoughtless.

Keith drops the bag of frozen vegetables. Then his nose twitches. To the untrained eye, it would go unnoticed, but Lance has been dating him for two years and three months. And a nose twitch means that Keith’s hiding something.

“But this has nothing to do with that, does it?”

“Lance, would you just let it go—”

“Okay, fine. You want me to let this one go? Then we can talk about last week. Or the week before that. Or the week before that.”

Keith tries for a glare then, a practiced stare that looks like flames are licking at his irises, but Lance is immune from prolonged exposure.

“And I know you’re not that drunk, so let’s not act like this was impulse alone.”

When Keith shrugs off his jacket and tosses it across the room, Lance sees that the bruises aren’t just on his face. His heart jumps up to his throat as the sound of the ice machine crunches in the background.

“Would you just tell me why you’re being more of a brooding edgelord than usual? Why do you have to be so emotionally constipated?” He places either hand on Keith’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eye. “Let me be your laxative.”

“You really have a knack for making up the world’s most disgusting metaphors.”

“It’s a gift. I’m thinking of turning it into a career path.”

“Stick to astrophysics.”

“Stop changing the subject.” It’s clear that neither of them is budging, so Lance just arches a brow and asks, “Do I have to call Shiro?”

Keith slams his back further into the cabinets with a groan. The older brother card is always the trump card. “Do not tell Shiro about this, please. I’m still getting lectures about my stupid cafeteria fights in high school.”

“Then tell me what’s going on! I thought when we said we were gonna be more open with each other, it was gonna be a two-way street. Correct me if I’m wrong.”

“Nothing’s going on, Lance, okay? I hate your ex-boyfriend and his stupid frat bro sidekicks, and I shouldn’t have had that last shot of moonshine, alright?��

While it is incredibly tempting to comment on the moonshine bit, Lance holds off. Because something else catches his eye. Crossing his arms over his chest, he refuses to break eye contact, giving Keith just a few more moments to tell him the truth. The clock ticks away, and there’s nothing. “You’re biting your lip,” he says finally.

“So?”

“So, one, stop it; it’s busted and you’re gonna hurt yourself. And two, that means you’re not telling me something.”

“Would you quit psychoanalyzing me!?”

Patience be damned. Something in Lance snaps then, something that makes his teeth grind and heat bubble in his chest. His fists tremble a little before he throws his hands out to his sides and starts getting to his feet. “Fine, you know what? Fine. Forget I asked. God forbid someone try to care about you, Keith, damn.”

He steps to leave, but as soon as he does, Keith clasps a hand onto his wrist and pulls just a little. The moment Lance turns his head, eyes sharp with ice and prickling rage, he feels his heart jump. The anger slowly trickles out of his system, sending a shiver down his spine. Keith looks a little broken, shoulders squared and eyes pleading in a way that’s so unlike him it makes something in the back of Lance’s head scream.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just… You’re gonna think I’m bat-shit.”

Lance exhales low and deep, turning fully and sitting back down across from Keith. He sets a gentle hand on Keith’s knee, trying to get him to make eye contact. “Try me.”

Keith’s mental illness has been the elephant in the room, always noticed but never talked about. Because Keith refused to talk about it. It took a full year’s convincing, mostly on Shiro’s end, just to get him to start seeing help. Some days he was a mess of the emotions he never learned how to process, and Lance would try his best to be there for him. Other days were better. Other days he was just silent and spacey and tried not to cry.

“No one knows this, okay? Not even Shiro, not even my goddamn shrink, so you can’t…” He trails off, and Lance tries to squeeze his knee in support.

“Keith… Keith, look at me…” When Keith looks up, his eyes are growing misty, pink rings already apparent on the brims of his eyes. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Offering a weak nod, Keith takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he forces himself to speak. “I just… I thought that maybe… Y’know how sometimes people… I don’t know, I thought if I was… Fuck.” He holds up his hands before Lance can say anything, blinking away whatever tears form in his eyes before he lets out a breath and continues. “I thought if I could feel, I don’t know, pain… If I could feel anything I’d stop feeling like…” Keith clamps his teeth down on his lower lip again. Whatever tears he blinks away only come back.

Lance sighs, reaching out his thumb to slip Keith’s lip from his teeth’s grasp. “Keith, you can cry—”

“No, I can’t,” Keith starts, though his voice trembles despite himself. “Because if I start I won’t stop. And I just— Fuck, I just need to say it.” Lance can practically feel the frustration radiating off of the other in waves. With a steady breath, he takes a hand in Keith’s, holding it to his chest and letting Keith know he has Lance’s full attention. Keith hisses in another breath and tries again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Lately, it’s just like, like nothing is fucking real, and I can talk and hear and touch things, but it’s like I’m not really there. Like I’m in some weird dream world, and I’m just watching myself or something. Or like everything’s not really there, or maybe it is, and I’m just not a part of it… I don’t know, it feels like I’m going insane.”

“Keith…” Lance doesn’t know where to go from there, watching his boyfriend struggle around his words with a pain sinking into Lance’s chest.

“Sometimes I don’t think I even sound like me… Like when I talk, it’s some kind of automated computer message, y’know? And I went home for Christmas. And I thought… I don’t know, I thought being home and in my own bed might make me feel normal again. But it didn’t. And nothing feels normal, nothing feels… Damn it, I’m going insane.” That’s when Keith’s face twists, twists into something that’s a punch to Lance’s gut. And Keith is squinting his eyes closed, sniffling loudly before a sob emits from his throat.

“You know… You don’t have to be so strong all the time…” Lance says in a whisper, tucking a strand of Keith’s hair behind his ear.

Keith looks up at him, eyes watery as he sobs again, pressing his face into Lance’s chest. Lance wraps his arms around him instinctively, feeling Keith shake, choking and whimpering against him. Lance can only hold him closer, shushing him tenderly as Keith claws at the back of Lance’s shirt, gripping onto the fabric like he’ll disappear if he doesn’t. Each broken little noise that leaves Keith is another twist in Lance’s heart, and he doesn’t dare let go.

“It’s okay, you’re okay…” Lance coos, pressing tender kisses on the top of Keith’s hair. “You’re okay, baby… You’re okay…”

Keith doesn’t stop weeping, not until his throat is raw and all he can do is let silent tears roll down his cheeks as he snivels and tries to breathe normally again.

By the time he leans back, sniffling and rubbing under his eyes with the back of his palm, there’s a wet patch on Lance’s T-shirt. Lance doesn’t mind, too busy trying to read Keith’s expression, setting a hand on the back of his neck.

“Do you feel any better?” Lance asks softly, ducking his head into Keith’s line of sight.

Keith nods his head slowly, wiping his nose with the white cotton of his T-shirt with another wet snivel. “Sorry about your shirt.”

Lance snorts, rolling his eyes just a little. “I have other shirts.”

“Yeah.” Keith’s breath shudders once more as he collects himself and blinks the wetness from his puffy eyes, tears caught on his eyelashes. “I’m just sorry I—”

“No. No… We agreed no more apologizing about this.”

“No, you said ‘Keith, stop apologizing every time you cry.’”

“Okay, smartass.” Lance rises to his feet, offering his hands and pulling Keith up along with him. With a steady breath, he places a gentle kiss on the corner of Keith’s lips, mindful to avoid the forming scab. “Thank you… For sharing that with me.”

Keith nods solemnly, probably thinking something snarky about how Lance is talking like his therapist. So Lance goes for a subject change, placing his hands at the base of Keith’s neck.

“How about you wash your face and pick out a movie, alright?”

They spend the rest of the night tangled up in each other, Lance refusing to move his arms from Keith’s waist even as Keith awkwardly holds an icepack to his face. Eventually, they drift to sleep, heart beats pumping in time while Lance tries his best to whisper words of comfort.

“I love you… And you’re here. Even if your mind’s playing tricks on you. You’re here, and you’re with me. And I love you…”