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[thearuna2805]

I told you I’d know those eyes anywhere.

waiting for something that may not happen. waiting for someone to appear again. waiting for an old feeling, an old memory. You keep an eye on the door maybe they’ll appear and you’ll stare at them for as long as you wish for. then you wake up at the reality that miracles do not happen in the middle of May neither on December. but yet our eyes met, I wonder how they felt looking at each other because I have no idea. I wasn’t there neither you were. what a coincidence after 3 years at our fav place. let's be honest It could have passed but my eyes wanted to meet yours here we are in the middle of may making our first eye contact lasting for a sec. I wonder how it felt cause I don’t know we made It clear but It was nice to meet you that’s what my eyes said. and for astrological reasons somehow the stars were rewritten but once again It’s not up to us because the fault is in our eyes not our stars, Shortcake.

[thearuna2805]

How do we tell oceans that we drown in eyes too?

This isn’t love but I find myself looking at pictures of you , phone blew the table on my lap with your eyes disappearing away as you smile. I try not to give all my secrets away in my smile, your picture is now nine days away from deleting itself but I visit it from time to time just to feel something. This isn’t love but I could make this whole poem about you.

This isn’t love but i refresh my messages every once in a while to make sure technology doesn’t manage to steal away a text and a moment too good from me. This isn’t love but with every night that passes by, my dreams about us get more vivid and detail oriented, one with you comfortably seated on my kitchen counter impatient waiting for me. You pay no attention to all my warnings about scalding your mouth if you’re not careful enough and you pay the price later with strawberry ice cream.

This isn’t love because this feels like happiness that comes with a cost and Iam not ready to pay the price.

So I promise you, this isn’t love.

[thearuna2805]

Girls like me don’t paint pictures of our first kiss instead we tug your heartstrings and wrap them around our wrists like a threaded bracelet.

Girls like me don’t scare of your blood , we draw them into our mouths and call it all love. Girls like me knead our father’s worries into our stomachs and fill our throats with the sobs our mothers never lets out.

Girls like me howl with the wolves at night, to the same moon we wrote poetries about.

I once said that I cannot let love be something beautiful that my heart turns every sweetness into bitter regret.

Now I understand Hazel grace when she said “ I couldn’t be mad at him for even a moment, and only now that I loved a grenade did I understand the foolishness of trying to save others from my own impending fragmentation: I couldn’t unlove Augustus Waters. And I didn’t want to “

And the day you will say You love me, I will finally do not start to bleed.

[thearuna2805]

A Paladin's Strength, T. Kingfisher

[thearuna2805]

The First Agreement.

You said "I told my family for a reason" and I burned like never before.

I said I need space, ending the conversation with you saying " Don't want to put pressure on you but I just felt like doing so."

I move a step back as you move a step forward, every morning, you tuck some strands of my hair behind the back of my ear. The smile you gave to the people around you shows who you are as a person, as my person. there's a butterfly on the patio, and you wanted hard to hold it so gently to show it to me.

You said, "We should stay together and laugh at the storms, My Ma likes you and she wants to see you." and with this, I forgot everything else.

This is me showing you how a home can be made out of cracks yet still so much love.

[thearuna2805]

Helen Oyeyemi, from “White Is for Witching”    

[thearuna2805]

f a n t a s t i c a l  |  t h i s  o r  t h a t

would you rather see colors not visible to the human eye or hear the sounds of the universe? would you rather sleep on a cloud or float on a lily pad? would you rather speak to animals or speak every language? would you rather be a fairy or an elf? would you rather always be surrounded by butterflies or fireflies? would you rather have eyes that always twinkled like stars or always have flowers in your hair?

[thearuna2805]

The Gem in I 💎.

[thearuna2805]

Once a dancer, Always a Dancer.

this is why a dancing girl, is a revolutionary act even more so if she is dancing alone, at night, in her bedroom with her headphones on. A girl who likes her body even if it is lumpy, or too big or too small is a revolutionary girl. you are not doing this for the group, you are doing this for yourself.

you are not doing these things for the group. you are doing them for you. Today, right now you're not someone's problem or someone's asset. you are your own self.

[thearuna2805]

Age.

A conversation I never thought would happen.

You said we agreed to discuss everything so I don't want what taylor swift once sang to be applied to us "If we had been closer in age, maybe It would have been fine."

Looking at me with tearful yet hopeful eyes, cause you know me so well.

Holding your hands I told you Taylor Swift also once said " It's the goddamn fight of my life...and now I'm covered in You."

I will always remember no matter how tired you are, you won't go to bed without checking on me first with all the time differences and busy schedules. Like how every night you end the day with :

" I appreciate your presence and how we made it today too"

It's the way you show me, love, again. It's about the differences I found in you I didn't see in anyone else. It's about how you held me so tightly when I was going to fall down, all alone.

Our prophet said about his wife Khadeeja: " She believed in me when people rejected me "

[thearuna2805]

The Phi and Nong.

On the second karaoke night, you suggested a song saying that it's one of your favorites. I remember how you looked at me asking if we could sing it together as It has Thai and English parts.

I think with that eye contact we fell in love. I love the phrase " in love" like love is a place, like somewhere you could live.

Sometimes the butterflies fly all around the way when I hear your voice, till I fear not hearing it again. But you always say " If I won't have a crowd waiting for me to sing, I know you will stand first calling my name, and I'm here now. "

And Yes you are here.

Sometimes when I think of you, I think about this song. Then the world feels so kind. but sometimes it's not about the song.it's about what you think when you hear the song.

I want to know what comes to your mind to call me at 6am just to tell me it was raining " I can see it ", " yes but I know you always forget your umbrella "

Every dead street led you straight to me.

[thearuna2805]

Plants reward us based on the amount of love you show them. If you’re cruel to them or neglect them, they give you nothing. But if you care for them and love them the right way, they reward you with gifts in the form of vegetables or fruits or flowers.

I believe in Atlas when he said “ plants need to be loved the right way in order to survive, So do humans. “ - It ends with us.

That’s the main reason why I live with the concept of hating buying bouquets of flowers as gifts or whatever.

In order to cut flowers so they die in 2 days maximum. I will plant a garden of your favorite flowers so you wake up to their scent every morning. And I will take care of them as I do for you.

It’s a matter of giving Life instead.

[thearuna2805]

When I fall in love with you, Wish this dream is forever true.

You always tend to send such messages so I wake up with a smile on my face saying " I bet in our past lives we were siblings that's why we have such a tendency and connected easily."

I don't know if I believe in past life but I believe in having you wherever life It's.

Painful memories, lonely places, I had been there for a long time. Now I found you, Where I belong. My whole life will never be the same.

When I fall in love with you, everything is out of the blue.

[thearuna2805]

You are my Spring. 🤍

You reached out your hand to me during the painful change of seasons.

Letting someone in deep like that is a risk and that person can easily break you and your heart from inside.

And yet despite the fact you know how much they can hurt you, you decide to keep them there anyway.

You once told me “ you remind me of the weather in my hometown. Sunny yet still raining. Despite the heavy rain and storms, we always have our Sun shining. “

During late spring, The night we had a flurry of snow, with the crazy weather as an excuse some had the courage to spread their wounded wings again.

And some simply flutter opened those which had been folded up for far too long.

[thearuna2805]

Once In a Blue Moon...

I'm a selfish person, I hurt people, I made mistakes and I regret them every night I go to bed alone, It's frustrating and terrible, It feels like a nightmare. I hated myself and everything else in between. Staying to myself, not being able to accept anything else. Finding my way was the hardest lesson in the last period.

You came out of the Blue, you embarrassed me, comforted me, and healed what you never broke.

I remember the first night, I admitted everything to you, you didn't say anything. You just held my head in your hands and said

" Don't give up on you. " This simple phrase made me realize that no matter how much my flaws weights, I should forgive myself in addition to being better.

You are already not exactly who you were yesterday. I went from in love to alone, from heartbroken to healing and back again. they say the twenties are for changing but I didn't think it would be this much. I never thought I'd look back at myself last month and barely recognize her. and I'm trying to make this look beautiful, I'm trying to see it as a growth instead of loss but it's both.

I cannot start to heal until I let the wound close. I cannot find myself unless I lose who I once was. I just wish there was a better way.

But Since you're here, I think love is the better way.

I hated Love but then I met You...

[thearuna2805]

Let’s make stories we cannot tell.

Private but not secret.

You once told me, that sharing our story to everyone else is a waste in us. Everyone knows but no one sees is our biggest flex.

You told me that you love me and I do not start to bleed.

You told me that you love me and I hold that in my hand without a fear of shattering it.

If you had told me a year ago that someone will come telling all the words i longed to hear, i would not have believed it.

But now i have you, I’m trying not to second guess it. So I will wake up on weekends mornings with my head on your chest and a warmth in mine.

You’ll bring noodles and donuts from your hometown cuz you know they’re my favorites and i will count the seconds until i can taste their sweetness on your lips.

I will tell you I love you in the morning and evening and every moment in between. Because love is something beautiful and i will finally let it.

To the ties that bind.

[thearuna2805]

The first night we slept apart.

You called me 7am in the morning, terrified of how much it’s weird and terrible not waking up to my face and having my smell with you all day.

I remember how your voice sounded so soft that I couldn’t help but smile the whole conversation.

I told you it’s just a matter of time and I’ll embrace you tight when we meet again.

After the call, you messaged me asking if being apart from you makes me think of my ex.

I replied that time immediately “ Even after my last break up, when she crosses my mind, I only feel happiness but now It aches. And I’m someone who avoids pain, I even runaway from it sometimes. “

I know we’re both messing around pretending to be whole but look at me, trying to change , finding my better self again.

What I’m saying is that I love You but I think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. We’re both with an awful past trying to fix the present.

What I’m saying is that I want to hold your hand and I understand how sometimes you have to sit in the shower. What I’m saying is that I’m here for you and if the train comes please Move.