thrushforreal

[thrushforreal]

Bruce: You don't have a spleen?!

Tim: Yeah, lost it

Bruce: How do you lose a spleen!?

*they say these things at the same time*

Tim: Got stabbed by an assassin while looking for you.

Trace: You forget to cherish it.

*silence, as all three look at eachother*

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

Bruce: Benched. Grounded. Both of you.

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It's long, maybe ooc, but who cares, here you go!

~~~

Jason: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!

Trace: Oh-? Even more humiliating than-

Jason: We are not doing this!

~~~

Steph: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?

Jason: Eat a nickel.

Steph: A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.

Trace: Eat a nickel.

Steph: Ok.

~~~

Duke: What's your greatest fear?

Dick: Being forgotten.

Duke: ...

Duke: Damn, that's deep.

Duke: Mine is the Kool Aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now...

~~~

Damian: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

~~~

Duke: The Ocean is a soup.

Trace:

Trace: Do elaborate.

Duke: What are needed for something to be a soup?

Trace: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Duke: *Tilts head*

Trace: The Ocean is a Soup.

Duke: The Ocean is a Soup.

~~~

Tim: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

~~~

Tim: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Trace: How can you still say that?

Tim: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

~~~

Duke, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids… a dog…

Cass: Literally none of that is true, Duke.

Duke: Okay, but I’m sexy! That’s gotta count for something, right?

~~~

Tim: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.

~~~

*after the Squad's plan goes horribly wrong*

Steph: Now it seems we're back at square one-- finding Cass.

Tim: For the record, I already found them.

Dick: And you let them get away before we could have a meaningful conversation.

Tim: They stabbed me!

Steph: I'm surprised they waited this long, Tim. We've all had the urge.

~~~

Trace: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.

Trace: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.

Trace: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?

Tim: This is Monopoly.

~~~

Tim: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship.

Damian: We’re not friends.

Tim, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

~~~

Trace: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Tim.

Trace: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.

Trace: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.

Tim: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either.

Trace: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.

Tim: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it.

Trace: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

~~~

That's all, folks!

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A quiet night some months after the end of Tim's Brucequest, Trace and Jason are sitting in the silence until Trace breaks it.

Trace: What did you want to be when you were small?

Jason: Hm?

Trace: You didn't want to be this, I'm sure of that.

Trace: No child wants to become something like you.

*quiet pause*

Trace: I wanted to be a singer.

Jason: *small chuckle* A singer?

Trace: Yes, they retire young...singers.

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your oc is cringe af

Yes, they are. Thank you very much. Was this the response you wanted? I can act hurt if you want. It's just that your opinion doesn't mean anything. Thanks for the engagement on my stuff!

[thrushforreal]

Green Lantern(Hal): Get you fucking birds, Spooky!

Batman: They don't bite Green Lantern

*rabid bird noises*

GL: Yes the fuck they do!

~an hour later~

Nightingale: They do bite

GL: *hovering just out of reach* Well, I know that! Why would Spooky lie about it, though?!

Nightingale: *looks behind GL to Robin crawling up the wall to jump down on him* It wouldn't have mattered. They'll get you anyway. He doesn't have rabies, though so plus.

GL: Wha- *strangled cry as he falls to the ground with Robin biting his arm*

Nightingale: I think, I should probably check he doesn't have rabies. Who knows where those teeth have been.

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This is set when Dick was Batman and Damian is Robin. Tim is off getting stabbed in a desert, and Jason is doing who knows what. Trace has taken on the Nightwing mantle but goes by Nightingale. Batman and Robin have just arrived at the scene of a riddler puzzle that Nightingale has been at for a while, they're not having a good time.

Batman: Calm down!

Nightingale: Don't tell me to calm down.

*Beep*

Batman: There's that chirping again. How are you not hearing that?

*Beep*

Nightingale: News Flash Asshole! I've been hearing it the entire Goddamn time!

Batman: Why wouldn't you say something?!

Nightingale: Because I Hate You!

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Jason: How long do you think it'll be until Tim finally snaps and commits murder?

Dick: I've been going through life assuming it's already happened at some point and it's just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him.

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Trace: *upside down on a couch that is somehow in the batcave* You know

Tim: *next to them, laying over the edge of the couches arm* hmmmm?

Trace: You don't even need a spleen, I don't know why everyone got all freaked out about not having one

Tim: wha-?

Trace: Like *waves hands wildly* it filters blood and fights pathogens and stuff. But the liver and other organs can do a lot of that stuff. You just need to take so many antibiotics, and you'll be fine!

Tim: ...

Trace: ...Tim

Tim: *pointedly avoiding their gaze*

Trace: You motherfucker

Duke: *has been here the whole time sitting on the other end of the couch* Tim doesn't have a spleen?

Trace and Tim: *looks at him in that combined way that only horror movie twins do*

Trace: Oh, that's right. You weren't there when everyone else found out.

Duke: Yeah, I wasn't. How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: Losing means i was able to put up a fight about it. It was taken from me.

Trace: Yeah, I like to think Ras keeps it in a jar somewhere. Probably near his bed so he can say, "Goodnight, Detective. Till we meet again."

Tim: That's freaky

Duke: You seem cooler now that you have one less organ. Maybe I should lose and organ..?

Tim: Despite popular opinion, the League of Assassin's has a pain-free operation streak. Cons: You're knocked out during it, and they keep your organ.

Trace: Don't lose an organ, Duke. It's not worth it. Tim is a horrible influence.

Jason: *has also been here the whole time. He's the one that brought the couch in* i love this, but I also hate it. I'm taking my couch, get off.

Tim, Duke, and Trace: *collective groaning*

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blood test came back haunted

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another underappreciated tumblr feature that you dont get on other sites is the queue. i love it when something i thought was funny six months ago and then forgot about a week later crawlts its way out of the processing vortex and i get to see it all over again.

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Okay but wouldn't it have been funny if Jason came back to life and just straight up told the truth

Like, I understand why that's a terrible idea (we don't want Ra's al ghul wannabe immortality enthusiasts targeting traumatized innocent civilian Jason Todd who has "easy prey" written on his forehead) but still, this is a world in which people have come back to life several times, the mystery of Jason's resurrection is mysterious, but it's not unbelievable, and nothing about it compromises the bats. I can so see it backfire on him too.

Picture this:

Jason: What's the funniest way I can come back to life?

Duke: Tell the truth.

Jason: ??

Duke: Like, leave the compromising bits out obviously, but other than that, be 100% honest. They'll never believe you, and it's gonna drive Bruce crazy. With a little luck, we can get the vein on his forehead to jut out.

*****

Later:

Interviewer: So, why did you fake your death?

Jason, trained spy, theatre kid, shakespeare nerd extraordinaire: *puts on his traumatized young man face*

Jason: *ashened complexion*

Jason : *knee trembles*

Jason: *hand wraps around a rope burn scar around his wrist like reminding himself the rope is not there* (he let himself get kidnapped by BM's men to destroy that base of operations a week ago)

Bruce: Oh no

Jason: I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I did die. I don't - I remember it very well. I went to Ethiopia to find my birth mother in the hopes of learning to know her, but she took advantage of the situation to traffic me to- to a dangerous sociopath. He tortured me for hours, then turned on her, tied us up and left us to die in the explosion. I'm not sure how I came back...

Interviewer: But why only come back to the public eye now?

Jason: Before I could make it home, I was taken in by a cult... They found me desoriented in the streets and I don't know, I guess they decided to take advantage. I... Sorry. Sorry, I'm not trying to- I didn't mean to cry. Um, please just-yeah. It's been a couple of difficult years, I guess.

Interviewer: I understand, this must have been very difficult for you. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, and I think I speak for all of Gotham when I say we believe you, support you, and are very relieved and happy you finally came home.

Jason: I'm sorry what?

The crowd: *enthusiastic noises of agreement*

Jason: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Duke: lmao I can't believe that worked

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Tim: You want to know a secret?

Jason, still texting: not really.

Tim: I don't really have a coffee addiction.

Jason: What? Tim: I just pretend to drink a lot of coffee, so when Bruce says "no more coffee," I don't have to stop drinking energy drinks Jason: You're lying. I see you with one of those stupid Batburger coffee cups like every day. Tim: There's no coffee in that. Tim: It's just red bull man. Jason: Why would you tell me this? Tim: Because no one will believe you.

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He did, it's true.

*leans on batmobile seductively* i embezzled this bad boy.

[thrushforreal]

Tim: I'm...sorry

Trace: ...are you?

~~~~

Like all siblings, they have their fights and disagreements. When Tim left for his Bruce quest, he didn't let Trace know, like he didn't really let anyone know. Things were rocky between the two for a while after he came back, especially since Trace stepped up into the Nightwing role while Dick was Batman.

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Cassie: Tim? Are you wearing your running bottoms and your hoodie?

Kon: Tim are you going running?

Tim: *nods and leaves*

Bernard: Have fun 🥰

Cassie, Kon, and Trace share a Look

Kon: Oh my Rao. What is wrong with Tim right now?

Trace: Yeah, what happened. Are you guys okay?

Bernard: Tim is going for a run. If anything, we should be asking what is right with him.

Cassie: He only goes running if he's upset. And he's wearing his sad hoodie, and by the looks of it, it's been washed. Which is bone chilling!

Bernard: He's fine. Everything's okay.

Bart: *rushing in the door with drinks* I just passed Tim, on the street, running! On purpose! Om My God!

Bernard: maybe I was wrong.

Bart: *through the open window* Tim!? Are you okay? I see you! And I love you!

Bernard: In my defense, no one here emotes in a normal way.

Kon: That's fair.

[thrushforreal]

“save young justice!” “bring young justice back for season 5!” NO. give me a comic accurate young justice show. i want punk conner kent. i want robin breaking into government facilities and coming up with ridiculous aliases. i want bart to adopt the super cycle and annoy red tornado into reactivating. where is the tiny clone of lobo or team leader wonder girl. let me see them play baseball for the fate of the planet and illegally invade a country full of supervillains and also kill santa.