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[whiteraven96]

. Thursday, January, 11th, 2024. - K.L.C.

Congested with throbbing legs, paired with the morning sun peering in is how I felt when I first opened my eyes. Watering and tearing up; Squinting and unleashing my less than savy breath into the atmosphere. Hopefully nobody smelled it..

Cleaning up in the washroom while finishing the rest of a basic routine within my sleeping quarters; Focusing so intently on my eyes, I dress them up with a few eye tools, rather than makeup. The eyelash curler I used to brighten my eyes, relinquished the need for cosmetics for at least part of the day. I'm looking ready for anything.

I remove my Jewlery from various parts of my body and set it safely within my possessions. Just to let the skin breath; We all need a basic look once in awhile, in order to really appreciate our appearance.

Focusing on the fresh water running into the sink basin, I let it run into my hands. Rubbing them together gently to remove hidden dirt and oil. Once untarnished, I cup the clear liquid into my hands and start rubbing in circular motions and imagine porcelain. I grab my White soap and achieve a high quality lather to temporarily attach to my skin. Once the suds bubble and open my pores, I count to One Hundred Twenty (120). Grabbing my cloth. I exfoliate any imperfections away patting dry with another cotton cloth. Grabbing my high powered mouthwash, I spit that nasty taste out of my mouth and use my soft bristle to scrub away yesterday's stains. Minty fresh.

I pat my hands, fingers and palms dry up to 6 inches above my wrists. I can be a bit extra when it comes to my "basic routine". I walk back into my original space and set myself on my bed. I grabbed my Lavender colored hand mirror and show my rat tailed black comb to it. I adjust it gently to the roots and pull back; Creating volume while lifting at the crown area, Soft waves fall gently coiled at the ends releasing a fine designer scent.

I spray one more spritz of my current favorite perfume to entice my nostrils for a bit longer. Sipping slowly on my morning beverage to enjoy it's rich flavor and try to think what else I might consume. I am craving salt and sugar until it is driving me mad.

I walked into the kitchen to grab a cold spoon from the freezer instead of food. Letting it rest upon the dark circles under my eyes and watching them brighten almost immediately. The people I know were able to converse with me easier today compared to the unusual embarrassment I experience. It seems easier to breath. Removing my night wear, I slip into my casual threads to heighten my alertness.

A women's Dark Plum Cardigan with a basic black women's T-shirt on top; A pair of Robin's Egg Blue soft name brand loungewear pants under it. Colorblock tomboy socks to keep my feet stylish and protected.

I turned on the Flat Screen Television to indulge in various series available on Satellite beside the fireplace. Allowing the apartment to collect the warmth from the preset thermostat against the wall. Walking myself over to the area with the mirror facing forward beside it. Scanning the fireplace, I light a scented white candle with a long lighter to induce good feelings. Closing my eyes to relax, once I return to my original position, I begin to meditate.

[whiteraven96]

~  Green and Silver ~

[whiteraven96]

. Monday, January, 8th, 2023. - K.L.C.

I layed horizontally on the ornate carpet and fantasized for a portion of the day. Something about its plush texture has been very alluring as of lately. The Winter wind mixed with smoke from a nearby campfire of grill passed through the windows and freshened the staleness of my stagnance. It feels so good to be in a state of comfort. The Summertime was not the time to be so attached to rest. The motivation of getting around more will come back around once spring peeks it's head around the corner. I enjoyed a hot dish of Tomato soup. It's taste and texture was more rich than that. I could taste the pureed pumpkin, with potato hand crushed, with butternut squash tops, with plenty of tomato. I was delighted. Dried mangos paired with grilled cheese on the side made a unique meal. I didn't feel so famished like yesterday. I crunched on caramel corn and other flavors to cut off the cheese flavor. My emails haven't been looked through for a couple days as I coyly ignore them and read "gossip" websites for pleasure. My social media temporarily deactivated so I could get that "headspace" back. I set my device down to attend to a quick hair treatment. I tied down two elastics between a throughly combed and set bun. I fastened my bonnet to retain heat for a sleek and tame result. I sit straight and pretzel legged and become affixiated into a meditative state in order to clear my mind of what yesterday and the day before could have been. My introverted state has worried a few within the past couple weeks. I keep telling them I am fine. Which, I really am. This is how it has always been. I feel better than before. The warmth of the inside feels good paired with my closed attitude. I cannot stand to be in an outside state of observation. My extrovertedness will greet me more frequently when the daisies start peering from the mud.

[whiteraven96]

. Sunday, January 7th, 2023. - K.L.C.

I have felt an overwhelming sense of hunger the past few days. The urge was so strong that all of my anger came out ballistically. I hope these people ran away and got themselves something to eat too. Each meal is described thoroughly except I felt as if each morsel was being removed from me until I was sucked dry of pleasure. Until I am almost asking, begging and pleading with five people trying to guard my food. I was trying to muster up the courage to ask for something to my liking to be made, even though I truly love cooking for myself. I blankly stare around everywhere but the t.v. as it keeps reducing my appetite instead of the other way around. Something mundane seems to be projecting until I turn around. Food is the main focus. As if it is either one or the other, when I know it's just typically not that way. I loosen my posture and bend forward awkwardly, turning my head to the right fixing my gaze upon my smoking fixtures and accessories. I feel as though I just try to relax and get everything done within the day and grab at them hoping it makes me want to eat and interact more. I was hoping the beginning of this year could be for the better and not for the worst. I keep saying in my head, "it will be better in a few weeks."

Hot chicken breast with Orange sauce, paired with a side of peas is handed to me. Each bite is appreciated. I did not seem to scarf the whole plate down like I honestly "felt" like doing. I left a bit left on the plate. Somehow the food did not look as great if I did not almost swallow it whole. I enjoyed what I had. At least I was able to eat. I sucked down the last quarter of my carbonated Vanilla beverage. I cleared my space and closed my eyes for the evening. I felt too lazy and conservative of the bills to take that usually "luxurious" shower. I lulled myself to rest with the obsessive thoughts.

[whiteraven96]

~ Purple and Gold ~

[whiteraven96]

. Wednesday, January, 3rd, 2024. K.L.C.

I opened my eyes feeling fatigued until I settled into an alert position. The congestion slowly vanished and left me feeling refreshed. I groomed myself with a cosmetic treatment so I can avoid a haircut. I was greeted by coffee and a good morning and enjoyed my "breakfast". I never seem to build up an appetite around this time. It is typically sweet treats. My leftovers are waiting for me since it is past lunch, as I keep making excuses to avoid it. I don't know if.it will turn out as good as it was last night, the next time. I pack my hand-blown glass grass pipe with a dense Sativa Indica hybrid and I indulge on a long inward breath of the floral spice. I push the power button on the remote for the television and sit in a grounded position while viewing sitcoms of various scenarios. I clicked the power on the fireplace and vacuumed the ornate structured rug below my feet to freshen the area. I readjust and gaze into the flat-screen and let the box do the talking. They seem like they are having fun, like normal people. Oh, I wish I could view more but I am limited. Anyways....

I pack a 5 inch hand blown glass pipe sitting flat and vertical to myself and put a pinch of brown tobacco and puff on it until I am satisfied. I feel no stress at the time as I left the anxiety subside from just the usual day in and out. I grab on to my belongings and sift through to see what would look good. I get anxious I will mess up my folding work. I keep stepping back from things when I know it will have to be done again eventually. If only I wasn't too much of a "perfectionist" sometimes. It has been quiet around here. It gives me more time to feel how nice it is to be real and not always moving around to alleviate the chaotic thoughts that fluttered through my mind for weeks.straight. I would not want to be compared to having sloth like behaviors, but I have been needing it. My words are sound as likewise with my mind and things are building back to what they should be. The sky is white. So refractive and enticing. They say it isn't good for our eyes, but I can see more clear without certain things in the way. The jagged shrubbery paired with the elongated barren trees are asking for moisture on this strange snow less day. Wet green blades of grass collecting minute amount of precipitation isn't necessarily enough. I wonder what could have happened? We have not had a Winter season without those crystallized puffs parachuting from the sky. I still hear the birds voraciously chattering by the feeder and on top of the branches. They seem thrilled they have more time to collect food before the real cold begins. A gentle breeze glides against my skin and refreshes it to remind me what I should be enjoying. I choose to view today from the inside instead of heading out. It is all the same within reason. Today is the time for meditation and healing and rest. I am pondering on going out for a joyride paired with exploring familiar places soon, when my energy and stamina builds up. A plan thoughtfully in my head within a certain amount of time where and when and how it will occur and a keep a firm grasp on it. Something constructive besides the 1 2 3 steps of each day.

[whiteraven96]

x

[whiteraven96]

~ Red and Green ~

[whiteraven96]

. Tuesday, January, 2nd, 2024. - K.L.C.

2023 ended quickly. I did not enjoy it as much as I could have. Something about the way the last two days of December played out did not seem all that right to me. I am grateful for what I have and for each breath that I take. I am grateful for my senses and anything truly positive therefore. I felt as if scenerios kept repeating that I know would have not occurred until I grounded myself. I started treating the darkness as day and the light as if it was past dusk. I felt nothing but pleasure from this experience. I could think clearly and I felt so awake rather than an overwhelming sense of fatigue. We've been taught to be overworked when we should sometimes take the time to be lazy to see what the world before us has to offer us. Something as simple as enjoying each surface below us can be just as enlightening as what is above us. Let's keep ourselves grounded and what we have below and aside to us, instead of always having our head in the clouds. I practice faith every day by keeping myself where I need to be without getting too into the above. I must remember I am not above what I praise. Within this year I hope to achieve and gain the things I want and need. Charisma to help me and my loved ones flourish and to inherit knowledge that is beyond normal human perception. I like how quickly I diverted my anger of misinterpretation into feelings of joy and gratefulness. Hopefully scenerios leading into a future perspective can be overturned if it carries any negativity. I want to be much more than what I am now by 2025. Understood, heard. With equal input with only good things to walk into my life. I have made many mistakes in the past and now is my time to reimage myself and be who I truly want to be; Instead of what others try to lead me to be. I do not feel so mindless anymore. I can finally focus on myself.

[whiteraven96]

[whiteraven96]

~ Oh So Colorful ~

[whiteraven96]

~ Oh So Colorful ~

[whiteraven96]

[whiteraven96]

~ Purple and Yellow ~

[whiteraven96]

le vieillard

by Vanil - Noir on Flickr

[whiteraven96]

[whiteraven96]