average-bisexual-disaster

[average-bisexual-disaster]

[average-bisexual-disaster]

one of those AUs where Jason leaves the LOA with little Damian and just kinda. has him at home while he’s cleaning up Crime Alley. Jason doesn’t hate Tim because he’s a dad now so his pit rage has mellowed out a bit. but Damian? toddler Damian who watches this other kid start sneaking away from Batman and Nightwing to go hang out with Red Hood because ‘Jason i know it’s you, you were my childhood hero, please help me with my english assignment’? who starts showing up and getting all up in a mentor/mentee relationship with DAMIAN’S adoptive father figure?

all im saying is teen!dad Jason Todd tiredly trying to stop his stolen toddler from fucking with his replacement Robin.

Damian, innocently: are you thirsty, Drake? would you like some water?

Tim, surprised but not willing to look a gift horse in the mouse: uh, actually yeah, i guess? thanks, Dami

Jason, narrowing his eyes: hold on. don’t drink that shit.

Jason, to Damian: Dames, you can’t reach the fucking tap. where’d you get that water from?

Tim: *pauses*

Damian: it’s water.

Jason: yeah, where from?

Tim:

Tim: Damian have you just handed me a glass of water from the toilet.

Damian: no!

Damian:

Damian: drink it.

Tim: you drink some first.

Damian: no

Jason, calling from down the hall: TIM DON’T DRINK IT, THE FUCKING TOILET SEAT’S UP. THERE’S LITERALLY A TRAIL OF WATER RUNNING FROM THE BATHROOM TO THE LIVING ROOM.

Tim:

Damian: :D

Tim: Jason i am scared of your child

[average-bisexual-disaster]

he is sitting and pondering

[average-bisexual-disaster]

You're right...You've got LOTS of friends in Horse (let him in. If you're cold, he's cold. He can light your fireplace. And your city)

[average-bisexual-disaster]

Hello my Friends!!!

Call me: anything really except pookie or wife because they are taken

Sexuality: LESBIAN!!!

Currently watching: The Flash (season 6)

Loves: my wife @average-pansexual-disaster 💜

Other loves: Women, Marvel, DC, Reading, Writing, Science, Memes, Art, Books, My friends, Forensic science, Cooking, Baking, TV shows, Movies, History, Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, Percy Jackson, Mythology, Theology and more

Fandoms: Marvel, DC, BTVS, Arrowverse, Criminal Minds, Bones, Castle, Shadowhunters, Arcane, She-Ra, Star Wars, The Rookie, Shadow and Bone, Six of Crows and more that i forget

If you want to be friends or talk send me a message!

Updated: 12/5/25

[average-bisexual-disaster]

Hello fellow disasters

Call me: You figure that out (no wife or pookie though)

Sexuality: Bisexual.

Loves: my wife and pookie @feralfandomlesbian Other loves: Reading, writing, my wife, Greek Mythology, memes, my friends, my wife, EPIC: The Musical,

Fandoms: PJO, DC (Batfam stuff), Grishaverse, Fourth Wing (for the plot aka Aaric Graycastle), MY WIFE. Huge fan of: EPIC: The Musical, M Y W I F E

Updated: 10/06/2025

[average-bisexual-disaster]

I would argue that they're Aggressively Red Gays.

Reds !

[average-bisexual-disaster]

have a month

[average-bisexual-disaster]

i sleep with multiple, they are my fluffy comfort army.

If you're fifteen or older an still sleep with a stuffed animal please reblog this.

[average-bisexual-disaster]

I love how unbothered the residents of Gotham are by seeing a Dead Girl boy, I mean boy, Walking

so originally Jason was buried in Gotham Cemetery, which i think makes his whole ‘disorientatedly breaking out of his own grave’ thing so much funnier. because like. that’s a public graveyard. there’s probably walkways going through it that people take to get to work or school every day. and i know a lot of people retcon that with the excuse of the loa cleaning up the broken grave so that they can keep Jason away from Bruce, but what if they just. didn’t?

Gotham is a fucked up place, and the people that live there are so used to it by now. they don’t bat an eye at the vigilantes, the fear gas, the clowns-, they have been desensitised to the weird and unexplainable. so i imagine with the fact that Bruce Wayne’s dead son’s gravesite suddenly becoming the CLEAR location of a broken out corpse, with the scratch marks on the inside of a burrowed out coffin, mud and dirt bursting up in the way that could only happen if something was emerging from below, the probably muddy footsteps leading away, not to, away from, the grave…

what i’m saying is the general public of Gotham are probably well fucking aware that there’s a zombie Jason Todd walking around somewhere, and they’ve all just collectively decided to mind their own fucking business.

there’s no new zombie-rogues, no people being eaten, and after a week or so the caretaker of the cemetery sighed and filled in the mess anyway, so nobody really thinks to mention it. of course, the Waynes are too overwhelmed by grief to ever go to Jason’s grave, and people are too scared to bring up such a sensitive subject with them, so it gets to the point where literally everyone in Gotham knows that Jason is probably alive…. but his family.

Jason comes back to Gotham as Red Hood and he doesn’t even try to have a secret identity as a civilian. nobody fucking cares. he just gets an apartment and starts walking around during the day and everyone who recognises him as Jason is just like ‘heyy! glad to see you back man, we were wondering where you’d popped off to!’. literally nobody gives a shit.

(Tim knows. he used to walk through that graveyard to get home from school, he’s known from the beginning. he knows that whatever Jason’s staying away for is his own business, and to be honest he really didn’t want to be the messenger for that particular shitstorm of information. politely, he will not be touching that with a ten foot pole.)

(Damian knew before he even came to Gotham. quite frankly, his opinion on his father dropped astronomically when he found out his English teacher knew of his brother’s residence in Crime Alley and Bruce didn’t. it’s more entertaining for him to just sit back and watch anyway. he too, refuses to say shit.)

Eventually the news reaches the upper side of Gotham, who all immediately assume that if Jason’s walking around again then the Wayne’s must of course be aware of it, so they never think to bring it up then, either. but Jason Todd-Wayne is back, and there’s always been a special fondness for that cute little street kid who nervously started getting brought along to galas and tried his absolute best to fit in and be polite, even if half the time he ended up fucking around with Dick or that Drake kid in the corner to pass the time. so if he’s back, then the elites all immediately assume that he is once again going to be a part of higher Gotham society.

so Jason Todd, secretly the Red Hood Jason Todd, hiding from his family Jason Todd, living in a shitty apartment safe house with two pieces of furniture and a lot of swords Jason Todd, starts getting invites to high-end events from all the city elites. he doesn’t even know how they got his address.

but well, he was free that evening… and he couldn’t deny that it might be a little bit funny…

his identity reveal ends up being much less explosive than originally planned, but it sure is entertaining. at least for him. Damian and Tim looked positively suicidal the whole night.

[average-bisexual-disaster]

thats the best thing I've seen today LMAO

someone posts a blurry photo of batman with robin captioned 'lets fight crime with mama' and bruce has to pretend it didnt make him cry

[average-bisexual-disaster]

Jason knew damian from the league BEFORE he knew he was his little brother and it is… so much worse

Okay so. listen.read.

jason todd. 17. freshly lazarus-pitted. feral. the human embodiment of “i lived bitch” with rage issues and a 72-hour insomnia streak. the league takes one look at this hot mess of trauma and goes “yes. this is exactly the energy we need in our murder boy band.”

enter: tiny baby assassin gremlin™ damian wayne. 6 years old. fluent in six languages, can kill you with a butter knife, has already named his sword and buried a man for disrespecting alfred the goat.

and someone. SOMEONE. in the league decides, “you know what would be funny? pair the murder toddler with the zombie disaster and see what happens.”

Heres how that went

ra’s: jason, your assignment is to supervise damian.

jason: you want me to babysit.

ra’s: guide.

jason: babysit.

ra’s: test.

damian (deadpan): i don’t need a babysitter. i need a better sparring partner. the last one cried.

jason: okay i like this kid.

they do missions together. which is to say, they cause crimes while technically completing the mission. jason teaches damian how to actually knock people out without breaking his own fingers. damian shows jason how to poison a blade using pomegranate juice and pure spite.

they bond over shared trauma and mutual hatred of everyone else. jason steals food for damian. damian teaches jason new ways to dismember people. it’s beautiful.

damian (6, holding a flaming knife): i’m going to defenestrate that man.

jason (17, holding a mango): hold on i’m eating.

damian: that’s MY mango.

jason: finders keepers.

[30 seconds later jason is bleeding and laughing]

but then jason leaves the league. rage. escape. redemption arc pending. damian stays.

and they don’t see each other for years.

until jason storms into the batcave like:

jason: not here to bond. just stealing med supplies. don’t talk to me or my trauma.

damian (offscreen): you dare show your face here, todd.

jason (freezes): oh my god. oh my god. i KNOW that voice. i KNOW that gremlin growl. there’s no fucking WAY

bruce (tired): jason, meet your little brother. damian.

jason (SCREAMING INTERNALLY): THAT’S MY EX-TINY MURDER ROOMMATE?!

damian (smirking): i see the pit didn’t fix your face.

tim (whispers): what is happening.

from that day forward: chaos.

damian starts following jason around like a very stabby duckling. calls him “akhi” in the most possessive tone known to man. sharpens jason’s knives without being asked. threatens the replacement on his behalf.

jason pretends to be annoyed but teaches damian how to make homemade explosives and saves him the last slice of pizza.

jason (grumbling): you’re still a brat.

damian: and you’re still emotionally unavailable.

jason (softly): shut up.

one day jason finds a drawing on his fridge.

it’s two stick figures. one has a red helmet. the other has a sword. they’re both labeled “BROTHERS – THREAT LEVEL: MAXIMUM.”

jason doesn’t talk about it. but he frames it.

bonus: group chat

dick: wait. you guys KNEW each other before this family?

jason: yeah. i babysat him once. worst two years of my life.

damian: i tried to stab him over a mango. it was glorious.

tim: that’s the most terrifying sentence i’ve ever read.

cass: ❤

bruce was like “you’re brothers now” and they were like “we BEEN brothers?? get on our level B/father”

[average-bisexual-disaster]

Words can't describe how relatable this is.

r/scrungycats is fucking amazing

[average-bisexual-disaster]

The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.

okay so. picture this:

the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.

and that is exactly why it became sacred.

because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.

next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.

and thus it began.

Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:

You sit there? No one speaks to you.

You cry? No you didn’t.

You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.

If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.

Dick (sitting on the couch):

Damian: Grayson, are you—

Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.

Jason: I don’t make the rules.

Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.

Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.

one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.

tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”

jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”

bonus:

once bruce sits on it.

and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.

tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”

they all leave. immediately.

the couch is not ready for bruce.

extra bonus:

alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.

[average-bisexual-disaster]

Tim, trying to buy ice cream: yeah can i get a strawberry cone with-

Jason, filling in for his goon’s side gig shift because he felt bad that the guy got injured working a job for him: sorry machine’s broken.

Tim:

Tim: they’re tubs… i can see it through the glass case. it’s full.

Tim:

Tim: also what the fuck are you doing here?

Jason:

Jason: i don’t like your attitude, you’re hereby banned from this establishment-

Tim: wait please it’s my favourite place-

Jason: you’re on the wall of shame now. get out.

[average-bisexual-disaster]

i love it when people write tim as having been fully indoctrinated into the bats but jack drake is still alive and just… there. watching incredulously with narrowed eyes as his son joins another family.

-at a gala, jack and bruce conversing-

tim, walking up to bruce: dad, alfred called and said we’re out of orange juice. he wants us to pick some up on the way home.

bruce: sure

jack:

jack: what.

tim, turning to jack: oh hey, didn’t see you there. *leaves*

jack: WHAT?

bruce: sorry for the interruption, anyway as i was saying-

jack: IS HE GOING HOME WITH YOU?!

bruce:

bruce: i mean he arrived with me, so…

jack: WHAT-

-

-during a filmed interview-

bruce, hand on tim’s shoulder: and this is one of my middle children, tim-

*in the background of the shot we see jack drake throw his hands up in the air before storming off indignantly*

-

-jack knocks on the door of wayne manor in the early morning-

tim: *opens door, yawning and wearing pjs* oh hey dad, what do you need?

jack:

jack: i was dropping off misdelivered mail- what are YOU doing here?

tim: i mean… i WAS sleeping in my very comfy bed, but then you woke me up. thanks for that.

jack:

jack: WHY ARE YOU-

tim: i think the real question is why didn’t you know i wasn’t back at drake manor, HMM?

jack:

tim: thanks for the mail- oh shit this is the thing Damian and i ordered for our new pet, i cant believe it got delivered to the wrong house, thanks for bringing it.

jack:

jack: are we still family?

tim:

[average-bisexual-disaster]

LMAO, I love this so much. Damian would probably kick Tim over so the camera can see him (Damian) better, and that makes it funnier in my mind.

that one malcolm in the middle cold open where they’re getting family photos taken and lois has to yell ‘wheres dewey? dewey! get back here, that’s not your family!’ because when she turns around she sees dewey has just walked into another family’s shot and started posing with these random strangers, but its janet and jack drake at a family photoshoot taking their eyes off their 8yr old son for one second and tim instantly abandoning them to stand within the grouped wayne kids for family photos while jason and dick just kinda eye him weirdly and let it happen because why the fuck not