bygracemary - Tumblr blog

[bygracemary]

i don't like a gold rush.

there's something in the quick brushes, accidental touches and your secret stares. perhaps it's a language between your fingertips and mine that whispers a confession. perhaps it's the golden string connects your golden heart with mine; your eyes gleam, and i'm flushed red. or perhaps it's your aureate soul - one sculpted by the tender hands of the universe, every hair strand carefully placed, every look and touch soft - touching mine; i wonder what it must be like to love you. what would happen if i met your pensive eyes? and if perhaps my hands touched yours? would you turn into gold? i can see them coming, those who want steal your treasure and sail away on their ships.

their eyes gleam with desire, to want something they cannot bear. then i wonder, am i merely a sailor too, charmed by the reflection of myself in your eyes? it was about time that my bronze realise it can never replicate your purity. i turn to the pages of my book, but their eyes linger. i don't like this gold rush. i don't think i'd want anyone to want your touch. my heart tells me to look back.

you're already here. and you tell me you see your reflection in my eyes, one that wasn't muddled in dirt, that it made you shine, just like me. my mind tells me this is fantasy, but the way i can hear your heartbeat from the hands that grip mine tell me,

that you didn't like a gold rush either.

i wish i could blame ria but i can't because i'm the simp here <//3 if you can't tell, this is heavily inspired by taylor swift's gold rush <3

taglist below! ask to be +/- <3:

@joshuas @kavyaistaken @hazelandsunshine @quelleest @47crayons @lexiklecksi @shinesundark @enchanted-lightning-aes @croctears @thelaughingstag @original-writing @matchaandginger @leech4ns

[bygracemary]

Mental Health Series: Doing What You Can with Anxiety

It’s like my mind is a maze and I have to play its games to find my way out, to take back control, to do what I will, to move beyond its boundaries. I want to do something and I am intent on it, then I bump into anxiety and I have to turn back around and think of a way past these walls. I have to play the game and trick my brain. I say, don’t worry I’m not chasing that crazy dream. I’m just trying a little bit of this for today just for the experience to see how it feels. Then, the next time my mind feels okay with that once unfamiliar thing and lets me take more of the lead. Before I know it, my decisions aren’t met with judgment and moving forward isn’t met with paralyzing fear. I’m used to navigating the maze, negotiating with my brain—just a little time out in the sun, let me try something new, briefly, 5 minutes can’t hurt, let’s just start.

Photo by Craig Adderley

[bygracemary]

As scary and as challenging circumstances may have been at times, I eventually found a way through. I remind myself—As sad as you can be is as joyful is as afraid is as courageous as you can be.

Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

by Alyssa Berg

[bygracemary]

instagram.com/nedratawwab

[bygracemary]

“Once you realize there is life after mistakes, you gain a self-confidence that never goes away.”

— Bob Schieffer (via thoughtkick)

[bygracemary]

“Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time. Perhaps the whole root of our trouble, the human trouble, is that we will sacrifice all the beauty of our lives, will imprison ourselves in totems, taboos, crosses, blood sacrifices, steeples, mosques, races, armies, flags, nations, in order to deny the fact of death, which is the only fact we have. It seems to me that one ought to rejoice in the fact of death—ought to decide, indeed, to earn one’s death by confronting with passion the conundrum of life. One is responsible to life: It is the small beacon in that terrifying darkness from which we come and to which we shall return. One must negotiate this passage as nobly as possible, for the sake of those who are coming after us.”

— James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time

[bygracemary]

Today is Important Too

Instead of living for the shift in the scales, the next meeting, a stamp of approval, or an increase in income, look forward to the warm water running down your back, the breath that escapes on your last rep, the upward pull of your cheeks when your food is ready, and the sound of “How was your day?” reminding you and the one posing the question that you both made it through, yet another day.

— Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

Miracles

"There are oceans that feel like silk running across your skin, trees as tall as skyscrapers, and each place has a story older than your grandmother’s grandmother’s grandmother. You were born into a world of miracles and you are nothing short of one."

— Grace M. Condon

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see."

― C.S. Lewis

[bygracemary]

You are not your thoughts

Be gentle, when you come back home and wonder what took you so long. It’s difficult to feel your magnitude, when you’re trapped inside your head.

— Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

For the days you wish you never happened

It will make sense. Every thing will click and you’ll finally see the pieces fit. It’s not even about faith or the belief that everything happened for a reason. It’s nothing woo woo. It’s the simply the law of cause and effect. Once you see one thing had to happen for another to occur you might loosen your hold on the events of your life and focus your power on the effect they have on you, how you allow them to define you. If you are traumatized, it doesn’t mean you could have been stronger or that you weren’t prepared enough or smart enough to prevent it. The only thing that should define you is that in this moment your heart is beating in your chest and what you thought might end you didn’t. You still have breath to give. There is more to come. You may not like all of what will happen but one day you might appreciate the failed plans, the blind spots, and factors that were out of your hands. You’ve taken the shape of someone who refuses to break and have come face to face with the ground yet you’ve made your way to your feet again and again for fucks sake. You’re still here standing. You’re the real reason it all makes sense. You have the hands that reach out to frame the bigger picture and find the inspiration to keep on going. You’re the one who finds the pieces and puts them together. You’re the one. The result of a hurt you’d never wish on anyone. The result of a search you were willing to go on. An origin story of how one comes into being after being mistreated. Birthed from a fire you chose after you became tired of numbing your emotions. I know I said this wasn’t woo but this might really be true. You happened for a reason. You saw what you needed and decided to save yourself. You’re still here because you you really can save yourself. Even on the days you need help. You’re the one reaching out for something to hold onto aren’t you? You’re the one who gets you through? You’re the one. The miracle you created. I hope you send to the stars wishes about loving who you are and everything that’s happened since you’ve been here. You have been here for a while now trying and it’s such a relief to see that no matter how long you have to rest you come back to try again.

– Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

Everything you need is held within you— in that voice that speaks up and those hands that reach out.

— Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

In love with the mental health vision board I made. There’s no images of items or destinations or of an ideal looking life, because above all else I am manifesting well-being!

I found almost of these images on Pinterest with the exception of my two paintings in the bottom center and the top left corner (watercolor girl and acrylic rose).

I used a free desktop screensaver template on canva and then added images to make this collage.

Hopefully it gives you some inspo for your vision board!

[bygracemary]

My friend edited this image of me in Bali and created this piece she calls "Growth". She’s so sweet and thoughtful ⛅️ Her ig is @humankind.ish Please follow her and support her work advocating for members of the Khmer Krom community and all asian communities. 🙏🏼 Thank you!

[bygracemary]

You're awesome

Thank you!!! 💗

[bygracemary]

For the days you wish you never happened

It will make sense. Every thing will click and you’ll finally see the pieces fit. It’s not even about faith or the belief that everything happened for a reason. It’s nothing woo woo. It’s the simply the law of cause and effect. Once you see one thing had to happen for another to occur you might loosen your hold on the events of your life and focus your power on the effect they have on you, how you allow them to define you. If you are traumatized, it doesn’t mean you could have been stronger or that you weren’t prepared enough or smart enough to prevent it. The only thing that should define you is that in this moment your heart is beating in your chest and what you thought might end you didn’t. You still have breath to give. There is more to come. You may not like all of what will happen but one day you might appreciate the failed plans, the blind spots, and factors that were out of your hands. You’ve taken the shape of someone who refuses to break and have come face to face with the ground yet you’ve made your way to your feet again and again for fucks sake. You’re still here standing. You’re the real reason it all makes sense. You have the hands that reach out to frame the bigger picture and find the inspiration to keep on going. You’re the one who finds the pieces and puts them together. You’re the one. The result of a hurt you’d never wish on anyone. The result of a search you were willing to go on. An origin story of how one comes into being after being mistreated. Birthed from a fire you chose after you became tired of numbing your emotions. I know I said this wasn’t woo but this might really be true. You happened for a reason. You saw what you needed and decided to save yourself. You’re still here because you you really can save yourself. Even on the days you need help. You’re the one reaching out for something to hold onto aren’t you? You’re the one who gets you through? You’re the one. The miracle you created. I hope you send to the stars wishes about loving who you are and everything that’s happened since you’ve been here. You have been here for a while now trying and it’s such a relief to see that no matter how long you have to rest you come back to try again.

– Grace M. Condon

[bygracemary]

The role of the writer:

Stories are a safe haven for feelings to be realized, to live out their lives, and not get the best of you. I give resentment a place…and gratitude too. My stories range from tragedies to miracles. They happen in a sequence, always one the consequence of the other.

Grace M. Condon