chronic-hyperfixator

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Bucky: We live in a world with rules! We knock. We have doors. And we knock on these doors.

Yelena: I’m sorry Bucky.

Bucky: Just knock!

Yelena, pulls out “the feelings stick”: Bucky… I…

Bucky: Put that down.

Yelena: But we have to talk.

Bucky: Nothing to talk about.

Bob: *grabs the stick* I feel that Bucky is not honoring the feelings stick.

John: *grabs the stick* I feel me too.

Bob: *takes the stick* I feel Walker’s had a particularly bad day and I feel that if Bucky is truly John’s friend, he would show Walker what’s in his pants.

John: *taking the stick* I feel supported.

Bucky: What is going on with you two?! What are you doing?!

Bob: I feel Bucky is yelling.

Bucky: Stop it!

[LATER]

Bucky: *going to the bathroom*

John: *peeking over the stall*

John: Hey, man.

Bucky: Ahh!

John: I’m the only one who hasn’t seen it.

Bucky: What?

John: Just the gun.

Bucky: No.

John: Just the roses.

Bucky: What?

John: Just the hub, where’s it connects.

Bucky: Get out!

John: Fine. I thought we were best friends.

Bucky: We aren’t.

John: Apparently not.

Bucky: Best friends don’t do this, Walker.

John: They do it all the time.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Bob, on the phone: No, I don’t think so.

Bob: Hey, are you gonna murder me cause you’re a stranger I met in a vault?

John: Yes, I am.

Bob, into the phone: He says no.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Peter: We’re like a big happy family! And I’m the dad and Gamora’s the mom.

Gamora: Why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here?

Groot: I know they’re thinking I’m like the son but I’m not! I’ll be the gay emo cousin.

Mantis: I will be the son! The hot shot! Whose only dream… is to be a star.

Rocket: I feel like I’d be a… fresh out of jail uncle.

Drax: And in the sassy aunt… who talks shit about everyone.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Bob: I'm not convinced I know how to read; I've just memorized a lot of words.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

ROOMMATE AU

Bob: You know what’s funny, when I saw your ad on Craigslist I thought you were women.

John, laughing: That’s funny. Why would you think that? That’s crazy.

Bucky: John wrote the ad.

Bob: I guess it was something about the words you used it was like uhh “sun soaked and beigey”

Bucky, Ava, and Yelena: *laugh*

John: *taking off his shirt*

Yelena: What are you doing?

John: What about these? *gestures to his chest* These look beigey to you?

Yelena: Sorry.

Ava: I’m his trainer so it’s kind of a house of Ava build here.

John: This is LLJ: Ladies Love John.

Ava: What? What did you just say?

Yelena: Go put a dollar in the jar right now.

John: Are you serious?

Ava: Yeah! Now!

John: Damn it!

Bucky: “LLJ” what is wrong with you?

John: *puts a dollar in a jar labeled “douche bag jar”*

Bob: This place is beautiful. It’s got so much light. My ex hated light, it’s hard to talk about him.

John: It’s okay. Bucky knows, he got dumped.

Bucky: Dumped. Yeah, I got dumped.

[SIX MONTHS EARLIER]

Bucky, covering his ears and shouting: I can’t hear you that means we’re not breaking up!

Sam: Yes. We are breaking up.

Bucky: We can’t break up if I can’t hear you!

Sam: I am breaking up with you.

Bucky: No! Lalalalalalalalalala!!

Sam: I need some time away.

[PRESENT DAY]

Bucky: Yeah, I got dumped. He dumped me. And I’m over it, okay. It was six months ago guys, get past it! And I don’t even know why we’re still talking about it. Why is everybody looking at me?

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Bob: So you know in horror movies when the girls like “Oh my god! There’s something in the basement, let me just run down there in my underwear and see what’s going on in the dark” and you’re like “what is your problem call the police!” and she’s like “okay” but it’s too late because she’s already getting murdered.

Bob: Well uh… my story is kinda like that.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

[chronic-hyperfixator]

RIP Bob Reynolds you would’ve loved Rocket Raccoon.

John: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Bob, he’s perfect.

Bob: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Jinx: In all honesty, if I wanted to kill you…

Caitlyn: You would have already.

Jinx: *points* Right as you opened the door.

Caitlyn: Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have even had time to shut it.

Jinx, laughing: No.

Caitlyn: I’d have been dead. Okay.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

John: Ugh, Bob could get away with murder if he wanted too.

Bucky: What’s this? Bob got away with murder? Can’t say I approve but at least he’s trying new things.

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Val: There’s nothing happening in this show! Not a single one of those dumb kids have gotten hurt yet.

Bucky: Dumb kids? *sees Yelena, Bob, Ava, and Walker*

Bucky: Wait! Those are my dumb kids!

[chronic-hyperfixator]

ALEXEI AND BUCKY ADOPTED BOB (aka Bob and Yelena are siblings)

Yelena: Damn it, Bob, get your butt out of the bathroom!

Bob: Calm down, I’m blow drying.

Yelena: Blow drying what? You have no hair.

John: What’s going on?

Yelena: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour! I can’t believe, it’s like I’m living with him again! He’s here when I go to sleep, he’s here when I wake up, he’s here when I want to use the shower! Ugh, I feel like I’m 16 all over again.

John: Well, you’re not 16. You’re both adults now.

Yelena, banging on the door: Get out, you doofus!

John: Or, you know, he’s rubber and you’re glue.

Bob, showing his hair to Yelena: All yours.

Yelena: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.

Bob, mimicking: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.

Yelena: Shut up!

Bob, mimicking: Shut up.

Yelena: Cut it out!

Bob: Mi-mi-mi!

Yelena: Ugh! *leaves the room*

Bob: *laughing and pointing to where Yelena was*

John, sarcastic: I’ve never wanted you more.

[LATER]

Bob, on the phone with Joaquin: No. There is no way he was a velociraptor.

Bob: No, Joaquin. Look at the cranial ridge, okay. If Dino was a velociraptor he would’ve eaten the Flintstones.

Yelena: *coming out of her room glaring at Bob*

Bob: Oh, were you taking a nap?

Yelena: I was.

Bob: Oh, I- Oh wait. Joaquin can you hold on? That’s the other line. *to the other line* Hello? Yes, she’s here but can she call you back? Okay, thanks. *hanging up* Call Antonia.

Yelena: Did she leave a number?

Bob: Did you see me right one down?

Yelena: I don’t have her number, buttmunch!

Bob: Well she’ll call back. Don’t be such a baby.

Yelena: I’m not a baby, you’re the baby.

Bob: Look, you want to get off my back?

Yelena: You want to get out of my face?

Bob: Yeah, Joaquin… wait. Hold on Joaquin. *picking up the other line* Hello? Hi. Yeah, no. She’s right here. *back to Joaquin* Hi, Joaquin, can I call you back? That’s uh… that’s my sister’s girlfriend.

Yelena: Give me that.

Bob: Okay. *hands Yelena the phone*

Yelena: Hi, Kate Bishop, listen before I get did I leave my scissors at your place.

(Hey this isnt part of the incorrect quote but I didn’t know what word to use to replace the original word from the source: friends so I just used scissors 😭)

Yelena, realizing Bob lied about who was on the phone: Hi, dad.

Bob: *dancing teasingly*

Yelena: *throws oranges at him*

[LATER]

Yelena: I wanna watch We Live In Time!

Bob: Tough noogies, we’re watching Top Gun Maverick.

John: Would you guys stop?

Yelena: It’s my TV! *changed the channel*

Bob: W… uh, quit it!

Yelena: Bite me!

John: Oh my god.

Bob: Well, Monica keeps changing the channel!

Yelena: Aw, that’s great. Why don’t you tell mommy on me?

John: Now I’m “mommy” in this little play? Alright, look, I refuse to get sucked into this weird little Reynolds-Belova dimension thing, okay. So I’m gonna go take a nice, long bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy!

[chronic-hyperfixator]

Little Wolf but Bob is Telemachus, Valentina is Antinous, and Yelena is Athena?

[chronic-hyperfixator]

how does lewis pullman have both the bluest blue eyes and the brownest blue eyes

[chronic-hyperfixator]

I haven’t seen Avengers in a while but I just rewatched it and this came into my head while watching so here you go.

Tony: Please tell me nobody kissed me.

Tony: If anyone did, please tell me it was Rogers.

Steve: What?

Tony: O-Kay anyway… have any of you guys ever tried shawarma?

Thor: Hey, why him? I’m hot too!

[chronic-hyperfixator]

I need you to know that every time you pop up on my timeline, I have to click your pfp because I keep thinking it's Bruno from Encanto. Every. Single. Time.

I knew Bob looked familiar 🤔