darkandtwistynerdfighter

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

Check out my story!! It's a #Homeland fanfiction, a prequel covering everything from the days previous to 9/11 to Carrie's adventures in Bagdad. You can read it even if you haven't watched the show 😜

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

What moms are like when guests are about to be coming over…

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

Today in church,I realized,maybe that's where all our self esteem issues come from. They teach you to be kind and selfless and to take care of others, and that is important, but it is absolutely pointless if you don't know how to take care of yourself. It goes without saying that you should be good to others,but did anyone ever bother to tell you that you should be good to you,too? They forget to tell you that you deserve to receive just as much love as you are willing to give. Instead,they teach you how to beat yourself up every time you make a mistake. They convince you that you have to be a saint,when actually all you need is for someone to tell you: No one is a saint. You're human. You will make mistakes,lots of them. But they won't make you any less worthy of love. Cause they all teach us how to love others,but nobody ever teaches how to love ourselves.

-Cathy Escardo

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

My biggest fear

My Biggest Fear ( A Poem) I was in second grade When my teacher said: "Write about the things that scare you to death" And among all the normal little-kid stuff ("I'm afraid of the dentist's", "I'm afraid of the dark") In my messy handwriting,one line stood out One line wasn't like the rest Childlike in the most honest way: "I'm afraid of lonelinnes" I went back home with the A on my hand My mom asked me if I even knew what loneliness was I just shrugged And I wish I could give the same answer now But now I've grown up And I know all too well what being alone feels like At 2am I'm telling my only friend That this isn't what I deserved Cause I've spent my whole life Giving so much to everyone else She tells me "Baby girl,you have to live for yourself" I though living for others was the only thing I could do But then she asks "Has anyone ever lived for you?" And I remembered that day When I was only 8 And already saying I was afraid of lonelinness Before I even knew what it was like To stop trusting your dad To feel abandoned by your mom To hear your sister saying "I hate you so much" To feel like you've been pushed around To stare at your phone when no one calls back To sit alone while all your friends are out To cry while the world's having fun To have no one there to dry your tears when they fall Even though you could fill buckets with the ones you've dried before It wasn't until I was 16 that I learned what it was like To look into the mirror,into your own eyes And find your biggest fear staring back And my biggest fear were words spoken by the people I loved My biggest fear was made of goodbyes My biggest fear is that sooner or later They'll always come I'm terrified of being left behind But 8 years later I wish I could go back To look at that little girl in the eye And promise her we'll both be alright Because loneliness is a darkness that comes from the inside And no matter how many people turn their back We'll find a way to turn on a light

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

The world is full of magic. It's there for those who are brave enough to see it. And it isn't childish,or stupid to hold on to it. It actually takes a great deal of strength. And an even greater deal of courage"

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

If home was a smell,it would be that rose-scented skin lotion you always use. If home was a song,it would probably be the one that was playing on the radio that night. If home was a color, it would probably the unique shade of blue of your eyes. If home was a sound,it would probably be your laugh or your voice telling me that you love me. If home is can be anything, then you're mine.

-cathy escardó (You're my home)

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

We are one ugly fucking generation

(via evidentlylyss)

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

Dear God,

Many people would say that I don't have the right to be writing this. To be honest, I can't really contradict them. For starters I think the Bible is pure bullshit. It's an authoritative, sexist and out-of date, and don't get me started on the Catholic Church. Don't get me started on homophobia,intolerance, child abuse. However,I am planning to do my best to ignore that bunch of hypocrites that claim to be your representation on Earth and focus on the fact that the Church was created by men and it has nothing to do with what I'm writing here. I can't say that I know who I am writing to. The idea that there is a divine omnipresent and ultra-powerful being looking down on us has always sound a bit ridiculous to me. Mostly because I wonder...If you're really that good,that powerful,that all-mighty...why,why did you let this happen to us? Why didn't you help her? Why did you let her lose herself? Why did you let me lose the person I needed the most? Tell me; where were you when I needed a miracle? You did wonders for that blind man 50182.29272 years ago, but you have nothing to do for the girl who suffers from a mental illness today. You have nothing to do for me, her sister,who had to watch her put the razor to her skin. How is that fair? If you really exist,then you kinda suck. But if you really exist, then I have no choice but to ask you: Please,please give me my miracle. Please make my sister better. And I swear I will never ask for anything else,not to you at least. Cause I've never been,and I never will be,as desperate as I am right now. You don't owe anything to me, and I sure as hell don't owe anything to you. So believe me when I say,I won't turn to you for anything else. But please... Please don't let her keep dying a little bit day by day. Please don't let her end her life like that. Let me see her doing all those amazing things I though I would see her doing: Graduating from high school. Moving to NY. Writing that book. Falling in love. Getting married. Having the kids she swore she wouldn't have. Being happy. That's the only miracle I ask for: Please don't let my sister kill herself. She will kill me too.

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

If you could see...

I think you could get to like anyone,really. It's hard to understand people sometimes, but I think that if you saw them doing all those things you didn't think anyone but you does, then it would be different. If you saw them silently crying on their way back from school, if you could see them greeting their dog in a goofy voice when they get back home, if you could hear them when they're alone in their room singing along to a song turned up too loud, if you could notice the slightly softer tone they get when they're talking to their little brother, if you could see them wiping away angry tears from the letter they'll never show their mother...it would be different.

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

The truth,my dear,is that something will always hurt. Pain will always be there,in one way or another. But it's your choice wether to make that pain your everything,or not.

-Cathy Escardó (Pain doesn't rule out happiness)

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

How crazy it is,that in a world so full of places,we get so sad about not fitting into one

-Cathy Escardó (I know there's a place for me out there)

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

Depression

To all the kids out there who are living with a depressed brother or sister. To all the kids out there who had to witness suicide attempts, to all the kids out there who had to see an ilness taking over someone they love…I’m sorry you had to go through that. But it’s so important that you know: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. None of it was your fault. I know it sucks,but shit happens. People get sick and no one knows what to do,because there are no rules,no instructions to follow, and we’d all mess up. But you did your best. And it’s okay. It’s okay. Forgive them. Forgive your sibling. Forgive your parents. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself,forgive yourself,forgive yourself.

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

I love that you see good in those parts of me I totally hate,but I also loved that you see good in those parts of me I kinda like. It means I wasn't mistaken to believe that I'm some level, I am worthy of love.

-Cathy Escardó I was for you

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

Maybe art is just a way to make our own happiness,when our lives don't give us any. Maybe the reason why we become artists is because we want is to create some of the beauty the world never showed us.

-Cathy Escardó We were artists

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

I don't think you understand what friendship really is until you're telling the only person who understands you how afraid you are that nobody else ever will.

-Cathy Escardó What's written in my diary

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

[darkandtwistynerdfighter]

“stop being dramatic”

me: