emerald-and-gold

[emerald-and-gold]

If you dont have the intention to always strive to be the man she sees you as, pack your shit and walk the fuck away. She deserves more than half love, half truths. As you push her to be the best version of herself, remember that she already sees you as the best version of you. Don't run from who she is now because her demons are still holding her back from who she can be. Walk with her until she is able to run free.

[emerald-and-gold]

Heavy is the head,

that walks in silence,

never listening to the beat,

of a lover's heart.

The weight of us,

was too heavy for you,

so you let go of my hand,

leaving me to face it alone.

[emerald-and-gold]

Survivor

The leaves I kick up fly around me as I run through the forest. All I can feel is fear. Something dark is coming. It's chasing me, right on my tail. I can feel my strength failing, I can't keep running away, but I don't have the power to change my fate and I'm not ready for it to end. So I keep running, one step in front of the darkness that is closing in. 

[emerald-and-gold]

[emerald-and-gold]

[emerald-and-gold]

Back and forth I keep falling down this rabbit hole. When will I learn?

Acceptance

“Who did that to you?”

They ask.

“Who made you feel so broken?”

The answer has always been the same,

I just didn’t want to face it.

I did this to me. I broke myself with every decision I made and every step took.

I’m still doing it.

Latching on to things I can’t have, living in the fantasies that I’ve created in my mind.

I hate my reality so much that I have turned my life into a fairy tale.

But fairy tales aren’t real and my life is not a dream.

A nightmare, yes, but real all the same and it’s time to face reality for what it is.

It’s time to shut off the movie in my head and accept the place I am in.

Happiness isn’t meant for everyone and magic isn’t real.

Not every story deserves a happily ever after.

[emerald-and-gold]

[emerald-and-gold]

Mistake

Every choice

Every time

I break

Existence

Fueled by hope

These dreams

Fake

Never true

Done

But

Let's start again

Mistake

[emerald-and-gold]

Today is a "Yes, Queen" kinda day. I am fucking amazing. I am fucking powerful. Fuck them if they can't handle my level of awesome. I am beautiful. I am magic. I am enough and never too much. I am a Queen.

[emerald-and-gold]

Sometimes you just have to paint your nails dark purple, coat your lashes with mascara, throw on a few rings, and say fuck 'em. Be your gorgeous self and let the stupid fucks burn the bridges to your soul. You came, you saw, you decided they weren't worth breaking down their walls, their village is full of idiots.

[emerald-and-gold]

I killed

the part of me

that needs you,

in order to save

the rest of myself.

Before I lose it completely // ma.c.a

[emerald-and-gold]

I want you to know if you ever, even for a second, regret your decision and want me back; If you ever look at old photos of us and miss what we had; If you miss having someone there who cares for you like I did; Please text me or call me because I will be there, and I hope and pray with every part of me that the day will come where you realise you can’t live without me because I really can’t do this without you.

- 22.19pm

[emerald-and-gold]

The problem with a mental illness is you can be fine for a while. Just completely and totally functional like a normal person. Then for no reason whatsoever you feel that overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, sadness, or worry. And it feels like you’re just back to square one. The sudden feeling that you don’t matter always comes back. The worst part is you can never explain to someone why, it’s just how your mind works.

[emerald-and-gold]

You are my rainy days,

and everyone knows,

how much I love the rain.

You are my ocean waves,

my sun kissed skin,

my hair getting tangled in the breeze.

You are everything that calms my soul,

everything that let's me breath,

my first sip of coffee in the morning.

You are the stars on a clear night,

the first notes of my favorite song,

the moments when I laugh until I cry.

You are last page of a book,

that I couldn't stop reading,

even though I've read it a thousand times.

You are my rainy days,

and everyone knows,

how much I love the rain.

[emerald-and-gold]

Two Weirdos

We’re not in love And we’ll never be. We’re not a couple And we’ll never be.

We’re just two souls Battling our own states Of insanity and happiness Battling to fight for our respective loves.

We’re just two weirdos Falling in and out with someone Talking what we should and should not do.

We’re just two weirdos  Who shared one thing in common: We consider ourselves as friends. 

[emerald-and-gold]

I hate this feeling, when my anxiety rises. When my body feels like electricity is running through it. I hate feeling like my soul wants to jump out of my skin. Every day is something new, some new horror story, another business closed, another person sick. I can't settle myself. I can't focus on one thing. Games can't hold my interest, books are closed after a few pages, even scrolling through the internet has lost it's hold on my mind. The pinpricks of electricity make me feel like I'm both hot and cold at the same time. I feel like we are on the brink of disaster and we just keep stepping closer to the edge instead of stepping back. I don't know where we are going, there is no end in sight. It will only get worse before it gets better, but I am starting to lose hope that it will get better.

[emerald-and-gold]

Three 4-lined poems I've written this week.

I'm finding that everything that I need to say right now can be said in 4 short lines.

Those colors you're always hiding,

they showed themselves today.

They hit me with cruel words,

and I couldn't keep the tears at bay.

*****************

*****************

The world is sick,

decaying before our eyes,

as we sit in silence,

and believe our own lies.

******************

******************

I don't want to fake that I'm happy.

I don't want to hide my tears.

I don't want to pretend in silence.

I don't want to face my fears.