euphoric--dysphoria

[euphoric--dysphoria]

Because

It's too easy to slip up these days But that won't bother me anyway Because I know. I know I knew all along How to lift yourself up, Get along and be strong; But I've been too busy Looking all around For answers to questions That can't ever be found Because it's not about Finding the answers, it's Finding the mission; Then within the mission You'll find the human condition, But you may not like what you see Because what you see isn't you, isn't me You have to look deeper To find humanity. Humanity, society... Passed all the fucked up impropriety The richest fool is smiling proud, Thanks to notoriety, While the rest are getting Wasted with insobriety... But once you get passed That side of it all, You finally start to realize why You felt so small. Why you felt so wrong, So drawl, so messed up, addicted, And after all the blackouts with alcohol, You repent, you plead, You scream out to the sky in need Of somewhere, someone or something That can hear you, understand you, And fix anything and everything... And yet, nobody realizes the truth. If we'd all just shut up, Turn our heads to the youth; They've got something I don't have, Nor do you because we lost it long ago... Long ago when we grew up And all walked over the rainbow Of childhood and fantasy. Look where it's gotten us - It's horrendous, it's blasphemy! So please, oh please allow me to say That the children are the ones Who will carve the way for everyone, Everybody, everything... So right now, we must protect them; Let them laugh, dance, and sing Because the future is nothing Without one simple thing called LOVE. T.A. 12/2/16

[euphoric--dysphoria]

We, the People

We’re all ignoring all the signs and signals sayin’, “You two don’t agree anymore, and that’s okay; Just get up, brush yourself off, and carve your own path In your own way,” I thought he was my forever And I was his eternity, But we’re too ignorant and foolish to see Past our own naivety, That’s okay - that’s life, This is how it happens, And at the end of the day, We will all be laughing At each other, at out points, at our Opinions, our decisions; Now it’s all exposed And we need major revision To change all the problems And issues that we see - All the bullshit we’ve been Masking under our nationality That continues to preach and continues to swear Their soul on it, But they won’t touch it, get close to it, If two guys wrote their last name on it, Because “gay” is bad, and “trans” is trash, If this damn place can just Drop the fucking flask and move forward With our lives - Bet our souls on it - Get ourselves together and Get the move on it... We need to love one another And spread the word, Hear it??? I don’t care if this ain’t your genre, Just join in and sing it, We need to LOVE each other FEEL EACHOTHER. LIVE, LOVE, and UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER. TOGETHER.

T.A. 11/21/16

[euphoric--dysphoria]

Love Isn't What You Think

Love’s not just a feeling, but an energy, A euphoric and confusing catastrophe Of explorations and breaking walls So that you can see the deeper parts within All that makes up you and me; You and he, He and she… Love is all around as it’s supposed to be, But people don’t notice the little things That show you what life can really bring To you, to your life, your mind, your soul… It can fill you from here on out, Until you grow old; But only if you let go and allow your Old self to be sent to someone else far away That way you’ll never have to be that way… Never again, now that you’ve found them, Because they heal the wounds you’ve had That you’ve been pretending felt numb While they truly were eating away At every part of you, but you couldn’t say How you felt because you had To be strong that way.

T.A. 11/7/16

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Did You Have a Breakthrough?

You want to believe Deep down inside, Down in that place where you Don’t want to hide, That these connections are true, Are genuine, for real; They scare you because of what you saw, But what do you feel? Deep down, as deep as Your emotions can go - You know who you are And what you know; So you know what you saw, And now you’re too terrified to say You saw what you saw; So you contemplate if You should abide By the law - The law, the rules, the OCD, PTSD, DID, ADD, TOO MANY THINGS. Why can’t people just Help each other? Help to provide, heal, and Care for our sisters, our brothers? When you relate, you Connect with one another; And you’ll build the foundation Of the nation that the future Wants so badly, so sadly. It’s almost a tragedy That the saddest people are The ones who end up happy in their dreams -  In their hopes, in their overly dramatic scenes of seems... They make it ‘till the very end; They’re the Rosalie, Amara, Marie,  Alex, Myles, Kevin, Sam blend. My own mother was terrified of many things Until she felt and touched the very end; That’s when she saw everything, And she had her babies to defend. Words don’t change the wisdom or Advice, mistakes, and experience That help your soul to be less tainted or Less delirious. Please listen, change, Allow yourself to grow; There’s so much out there that we don’t know And that’s fine, alright, okay, Because you’ll make your life carve its path In your own special way. Just go with your heart, Then check with your mind - They are inevitably equal... Then all else will align.

T.A. 10/23/16

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Who...?

You think you know it all, You should stop thinking so small; Just open back up So I can break down your walls. Stubbornness is your downfall - Your most horrible trait - But if you would just drop it Maybe then, we wouldn’t be late To all the experiences in life That you used to dare to pursue; You were so filled with life Back when you were you. Where did you go? Did you lose yourself somewhere? Left yourself crying in your Existential nightmare? Tell me, please tell me, I can help pull you back because You see, the burdens that you choose to carry Are a self-inflicted attack on your flaws I know you hear it from anywhere and everybody, That when you keep pushing past the breaking point, That’s when life means something to somebody, But all I can say is it’s true The only person that can save you In this fucked up beautiful world is you, and only you. You have your people to teach you, Your people to help you, Your people to talk to, listen to, hang out with you... But at the end of the day, When all this bullshit is  Lost and wasted away, You have to be there for yourself - Something no one else can do - And you need that one person, Who just understands you. T.A. 10/22/16

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All I want is to be a singer who expresses everything in a true way other than simple words. I don’t know how to do this through music or anything else....so is my form of expression <3

[euphoric--dysphoria]

The Difference

I've come to find that loving someone and being "in love" with someone is very different, and a lot of people don't know that. I think loving someone is that warm, wonderful feeling that everyone knows. When you’re around someone you love, you’re comfortable, at ease, completely open about things that you would never tell anyone else. But that first feeling of being in love is a very, very different emotion. It's a confusing concoction of what feels like anxiety, fear, happiness, excitement, nausea, panic, and desire, all coursing through your veins and making your mind a mess of questions as to whether you want to throw up, laugh out loud, or jump off a cliff. It can be difficult to even speak to the person you’re falling in love with, let alone feel comfortable or open with them. A lot of people shy away from that feeling I think, because they don't recognize that it's love...but it is - it's just so different from any love they've felt before. But once that first stage of falling in love passes and you commit to one another for a period of time, you begin to notice everything calming down. The fear and confusion of it all fades away little by little, replaced with that familiar comfort and warmth; only now, it’s stronger than ever before, and it feels as if nothing will ever break the bond that you’ve formed with this person that you were once so terrified of - and you realize how worth it all the stressful emotions overwhelming your heart and mind really were...because now, you have them and that’s all that matters.

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Metamorphosis

Like a caterpillar turning

Into a butterfly,

I can feel my wings

Bursting from this chrysalis

Of claustrophobia, depression,

Anxiety, and hate.

Anger, confusion,

Manipulation and guilt,

It’s my long-awaited metamorphosis,

And I’m finally ready to fly.

T.A. - 7/15/16

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Vera

A loner, wanderer, outsider, She's lost and nobody Can find her; You can search high and low But her location is somewhere You cannot go; She owns a world apart from ours Where one dreams of Moonlight, waterfalls, and flowers; It's her escape, her home, And it's there she knows She's never alone... Not in her world. 3/2/16^ T.A.

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Journal excerpt: Jan. 13th, 2016

"I wish I had more words, Because I miss her again today. Maybe this pattern is Me finally healing, in some way; But it hurts. Goddamn it hurts. And at this point, that's all I can say..."

[euphoric--dysphoria]

The important conversations always seem to be after three in the morning, when tired minds let their guard down and whispers carry the heavy words that need to be heard.

[euphoric--dysphoria]

Let Me Write.

I want to write again.

I want to spill these words

That are trapped in my vocal cords

But flood my mind nowadays

As I smile as I laugh as I say

I’m fine I’m fine I’m really goddamn fine

How are you?

I want to write again.

Because if I write again

Maybe my autopilot will turn off

For long enough to think again

And I’ll be able to get back

Back where home is

Because fuck am I homesick

I want to write again.

If I do I could find myself

Doing something other than

Sitting with me myself and I

Thinking back to when I had

The chance that could have truly

Made all of this okay.

I really do want to write again...

It’s just hard holy hell it’s hard

When your mind and soul

Are as comprehensible and clear

As an abstract painting

And your thoughts are hypocrites

That don’t listen to you.

~ January 7th 2016

T.A.

[euphoric--dysphoria]

Don't Fall in Love at the Beach

Lately, I feel as though Falling in love with me Is like choosing to Swim in the ocean: At first, it's enticing, distant, And cold, And you feel a rush Of both excitement and pain As you dip your feet in. Then it's up to your knees And you can see hints of What's beneath the surface - What you couldn't see Standing on the shore. You second guess If this is where you want to be, But you're already halfway in And before you know it, You're testing yourself - Seeing just how far out You can go, How much you can see, How much you can handle... Feeling the waves Crashing down on your back, Getting stronger and heavier, Until it's too much And you're knocked down, Tumbling underwater, Breathing in all of me - Too much of me - Out of control, And your heart feels like It's on fire While you remember The simplicity of the shore. T.A. 10/13/15

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The Bad Day - written by Myles

She cried as though If she buried her head into the pillow deeply enough The world around her Would cease to exist

She cried as though If she shut her eyes hard enough The threads of the universe would unravel And she alone could quilt a new one

She cried as though If she let out every single one of her tears They would then go backwards and flow back into her eyes

But now, it’s much worse than before the Bad Days prior She’s laughing.

M.M.H. 3/1/15

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Listerine Kisses

Hands exploring, heart-rates soaring,

Hours so late they turn over to morning.

A mess of a bed with two people, entwined;

Mutual love, not easily defined.

Lips silencing question and any confession -

Eyes still being the strongest expression.

Listerine kisses and vanilla perfume

Tell their story that all began in a room.

T.A. ~ 1.9.15

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His Addiction

He asked me why My kisses Are like crack: Short, Leaving him wanting more. Why my eyes Are like weed: Entrancing, Making it impossible to look away. He asked me why I’m like his little drug: Addicting, Keeping him coming back, Always.

12/30/14