fae-n-found - Tumblr blog

[fae-n-found]

Hey y'all, please concider helping someone in need! If you can't donate concider reblogging!

*URGENT: PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

*sorry for the long post!!*

January 30th: Hi everyone, I’m Gemma and I’m so sorry to have to ask this again but, I desperately need some help to pay my rent and overdrawn balance.

If anyone has been following me for any amount of time, you’ll know how much I’ve been struggling these past few months, due to my welfare benefits (U.C & Housing Benefit) being revoked. And due to my health assessments and DWP mess-ups, my benefits have been on and off sanctions for over a year now and so far, I’ve been managing to get by with help of some of the kindest people in the world, but as it’s now winter where I live I’ve been struggling horribly to keep my electricity/heating on, with most nights being -5°C/23°F and a snowstorm coming.

I am currently under a 56-day Fitness for Work note with my GP and have been diagnosed with Endogenous Depression my GP has also upped the dosage of my anti-depressants (Sertraline) to try to help me. This will eventually prompt the DWP to send me for a medical and I’m hoping that this will fix my benefits and offer me more assistance.

However, this can take weeks and often months for the process and paperwork to go through and right now, my electricity is almost on its emergency credit,  my account is in the negative and my housing association still haven’t resolved the issues with my benefit and my rent (£358) is due next week. I have absolutely no income to pay these until the end of next month and I really, desperately need help.

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life and keep me warm and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to donate if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling. Thank you for your help 💖

PayPal • Ko-fi☕ (or my Wishlist)

[fae-n-found]

These aren't the best but I hope you like them!

[lesbian flag by @apersnicketylemon ]

- Mob Badger

The sun? Gay

The moon? Lesbian

The stars? Aro/Ace

The ocean? Pan

The forests? Queer

The sky? Bi

The planets? Trans

Each of these things? Absolutely wonderful

[fae-n-found]

TRANS WOMEN: HERE'S SOME SHIT YOUR DOCTOR WONT TELL YOU ABOUT HRT

1. Progesterone: not for everyone, but for many people it may increase sex drive and WILL make your boobs bigger. Also effects mood in ways that many find positive (but some find negative). Most doctors won’t prescribe this to you unless you ask. Most trans girls I know swear by it.

2. Injectible estrogen: is more effective than pill or patch form. Get on it if you can bear needles bc you will see more effects more quickly.

3. Estradiol Cypionate: There is currently a shortage of injectible estradiol valerate. There is no shortage of estradiol cypionate. Functionally they do the same shit.

4. Bicalutamide: This is an anti-androgen that has almost none of the side-effects of spironolactone or finasteride. The girls I know who are on it are evangelical about it.

[fae-n-found]

Articles I can use against truscum

[fae-n-found]

I wish you the best, love!! And I hope things work out for you!!

- Mod Badger

URGENT PLEASE HELP!!

*PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

Thursday, December 6th: Hi everyone, I’m Gemma and I’m so sorry to have to ask this but, I desperately need help to get through the winter months, especially Christmas & New Year due to my benefit cuts and my overdrawn account.

If anyone has been following me for any amount of time, you’ll know how much I’ve been struggling these past few months due to my welfare benefits (Universal Credit & Housing Benefit) being revoked under the UK’s controversial changes to how benefits are assessed and assigned. And if anyone has ever had their benefits sanctioned or capped, then you’ll understand how much of a struggle and death sentence it is.

So far, I’ve been managing to get by with help of some of the kindest people in the world, but as it’s now winter where I live, I’m struggling to get through the festive period and to make things worse, my bank acct is overdrawn by £169.24 and I’m not due to receive a partial-benefit payment until the New Year. Thankfully, I’ve managed to pay December’s rent but I desperately need help to get groceries and keep my heating/water on to stay warm. I’m literally freezing, hungry and drowning in debt at the moment because of my sanctions and since this situation has been ongoing for so long, government aid/food banks are unable to offer me any more assistance

So I’ve created a wishlist with some essential items to help me get by (thermal clothing, boots etc..) and as many of the items are from the marketplace, you’ll need to join my list to buy any items. *I am unsure of how to fix this*

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life and keep me warm and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to buy anything off my wishlist or donate if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling. Thank you for your help 💖

PayPal • Ko-fi☕ Join Wishlist

[fae-n-found]

I'm not able to donate but I hope others can!

-Mod Badger

Help Make My Stepfathers Last Christmas Great

Hi all,

My stepfather Darcy has been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer, but his treatment has been ineffective. He is now on a treatment called immunotherapy that will prolong his life, but usually does not shrink the tumour. Yesterday, we found out that this will be his last Christmas with us (most likely).

Our family doesn’t have a lot of money so we were wondering if you had anything you can spare to help us.

His PayPal is as follows:

Thanks so much!

[fae-n-found]

Hey would you mind reblogging my most recent post? It could be my stepfathers last Christmas with us and I want to make it special

Of course! I'm sorry to hear about your stepfather but I hope you'll have a grand ole time together 💙

- Mod Badger

[fae-n-found]

Give Us Roses While We’re Still Here Transgender Day of Remembrance // Nov. 20th

This is just a poster I made the other day. I love all of my trans family, and I hope you take the day for remembrance & self care. 

[fae-n-found]

no one is saying you have to stop calling yourself queer, and its great that you can reclaim a slur!! Its amazing to bring piwer to urself!!! But some ppl have trauma with the word and that needs to be respected by not using it on lgbt who are uncomfy with ut

Y'all are some of the most disingenuous motherfuckers. I am exhausted. And I am really done with this trauma argument.

A confession: I have been harassed and verbally abused with it/its pronouns before.

I don’t fully understand why some trans people choose to use it pronouns for themselves, and I don’t follow anyone who does anymore because seeing someone referred to as “it” upsets me.

However, I do not shame or belittle trans folks who use it/its pronouns in a reclaiming fashion because it’s none of my business and I am not a piece of obnoxious shit.

If you have trauma associated with the word queer, then you need to respect me and yourself enough to not interact with my blog.

This blog literally has QUEER in its url, name, and description. Every other post on this blog contains the word QUEER. This blog is about QUEER people, for QUEER people, by a QUEER person.

No one is forcing you to interact with this blog. No one is forcing you to interact with the QUEER community. No one is forcing you to apply the word QUEER to your own identity.

Block blogs that have queer in their url. Add the word QUEER to your Tumblr tag blacklist. Download one of the many different apps and browser extensions that exist and use it to hide posts with the word QUEER in them.

Try taking at least some responsibility for your own mental health.

You aren’t queer? You don’t like the word? That’s fine. Your feelings and your trauma are valid.

But hear this: y'all need to leave QUEER people the FUCK alone.

Stop adding “queer is a slur” to our posts.

Stop inviting yourselves onto our posts to whine about the phrase “queer community”.

Don’t reblog our posts if you’re going to tag them with “#q slur”.

Stop making discourse of our genders and sexualities.

Stop trying to create rules over who is allowed to call themselves queer when you yourself are not queer.

Stop sending us invasive messages demanding to know “how” we’re queer or if we’re “really lgbt”.

Stop trying to make the queer community responsible for your personal baggage, as if we aren’t surviving with our own.

Let QUEER people live.

[fae-n-found]

Look I have no problem with aces being part of the community, but historically queer was never used as a slur against them, so as someone who has been called queer as a derogatory insult plenty of times, I'm pretty uncomfortable with them using it. Reclaiming the word queer is fine, but not if it wasn't directed at you in the first place.

Hey.

Quick tip. 

You are not the Queer Pope. You don’t get to decide who is and isn’t queer. 

Also, get off my blog. 

[fae-n-found]

I legally acquired a government issued birth certificate which says that my legally recognized sex is nonbinary, WITHOUT MY BIOLOGICAL SEX BEING INTERSEX.

My birth certificate PROVES that ANYONE can LEGALLY HAVE THEIR GENDER AFFIRMED AS NONBINARY WITHOUT PROVING INTERSEX STATUS and without PROVING THAT THEY ARE “BIOLOGICALLY” NONBINARY/INTERSEX.

IT IS ILLEGAL TO DENY PEOPLE LIKE US BIRTH CERTIFICATES THAT ALLIGN WITH OUR GENDER.

GO GET YOUR NONBINARY BIRTH CERTIFICATE TODAY!!!

JOIN THE REVOLUTION, get your nonbinary birth certificate, SHOW TRUMP THAT HE has no legal jurisdiction to ROLL BACK ESTABLISHED LAWS. Trump has sworn to UPHOLD United States law, which INCLUDES THIS LEGAL PRECIDENT!!!!!!

What he is trying to do is illegal by legal precident.

YOU CAN HELP BY GETTING YOUR NONINTERSEX NONBINARY BIRTH CERTIFICATE TOO!!!

Message me if you need help with your case.

We are here for you.

No one can or will erase us. We are here to stay!!

You are valid!! Give yourself the ultimate gift of legal validation today!!!!

You deserve it!!!!

[fae-n-found]

Also just a reminder that this blog has a dni (in the bio)! So please check that before following/interacting!

Just cuz I noticed we've gotten follows and interactions from people who are under the dni!

- Mod Badger

[fae-n-found]

Hey y'all! I just reached a milestone on my main so I'd appreciate if y'all participated in a q&a/ama if you're curious about me!

- Mod Badger

300 followers q&a/ama

hey now that I have about 300 followers can y'all flood my inbox with questions, random shit, etc?

I feel like this milestone deserves a Q&A so like ask me anything babes!!! (the inbox is always open 24/7 so like it’s not just for this)

[fae-n-found]

are aces lgbt?

The exclusionist argument always seems to boil down to, “I don’t hear aces describing any experiences I relate to, so they’re not lgbt.” 

I think we’re going about this backwards. 

If that’s the way people want to define it, we should be listing things that are obviously examples of “lgbt” oppression,” like • being kicked out,  • getting raped by someone who wants to change your sexual orientation, not just because you said no or because misogyny, • harassed at church, work, or school, • being threatened with or sent to conversion therapy, etc., 

and then seeing if aces also experience them. 

Sorry, I put kind of a lot of examples of these in the first section. It was really hard to restrain myself because there were just SO MANY. I tried not to do 5 examples for every single one at least…. 

Step 1: what kind of oppression do lgbt+ people experience?  

• 30% more harassment, 221% more sexual assault, 100% more intimate partner violence, and 277% more stalking than straight people.

conversion therapy and rejection at church

1. “I was sent [to conversion therapy by my church] to be barraged [with] self doubt and shame until I became afraid to even look at the same gender…. The distinction is often made that [conversion therapy would] be ‘against your will’ but that isn’t nearly as cut and dry as it sounds. When you are publicly shamed by your congregation (if ‘accused’ in a religious setting) you may very well agree to conversion therapy as your only option. Especially if your a minor like I was. ”

2. “When a preacher found out [about my sexual orientation] he recommended conversion therapy – even before i had come out as pan or trans…. guess who was told by members of their church to go to hell when they came out…? Me!” 

3. “So, I’m a Christian. Was raised by and still live with a super conservative Christian family. Babysit for a super conservative Christian small group. Live in a super conservative Christian neighbourhood. Went to a super conservative Christian summer camp literally every summer of my life. 

“Basically I’ve met a lot of conservative Christians…. [What they tell me is people like me] are ‘unnatural’. That it’s a shame they’ll never be able to fulfill their ‘God given duty’ AKA get married and create lots of little conservative Christians. That they’re sick and should be treated so they can experience true happiness some day AKA marriage and creating lots of little conservative Christians.”

4. “I’m a victim of corrective assault, been threatened with conversion therapy, been forced to medicate to ‘fix’ my sexuality and been threatened by pastors of my church. I’m just so upset.”

5. “[My mom] believes its a mental issue and wants me to start corrective therapy Monday. Why can’t she just accept me as me, why do I need ‘fixed’"

corrective rape

1. “[When we talk about corrective rape], we’re talking about the so-called friend, the ex boyfriend, who I got along with just fine after we stopped trying to date, right up until he cornered me outside of Prom. We’re talking about the guy who’d been told by someone else I considered a friend all about [me questioning my sexual orientation]. Who kept oh-so-considerately telling me that he was doing this for my sake, that after I understood how good it felt, I’d be normal.” 

2. “my ex-boyfriend… decided to trick me into drinking, manipulate me emotionally, and force me into sexual situations after I came out to him because he thought he could fix me and didn’t stop even after multiple failed attempts.”

3. “[my rope partner] decided to trick me into drinking, manipulate me emotionally, and force me into sexual situations after I came out to him because he thought he could convince me I wasn’t.”

4. “When I came out [to my mum], she starting to force me to date girls so I would have sex with them (to ‘fix’ me) and even took me to the doctors and my endocrinologist to get my hormones checked since she was convinced there was something really wrong with me.”

5. “He started by pressuring me assuming it was a mental health issue, he already knew I had many, he assumed if I had adequate access to counselling I would be “fixed” He blamed it on everything from my childhood to my self esteem.

“And then he decided it was because I’d never had sex. He raped me at least 6 times, I dissociated a lot of the relationship but I know there were 6 places where it happened, I don’t know how many times it happened in any given place though. He told me that I should be happy because it proved I was wanted, that eventually I’ll like it, and that he needed to make me “whole” He said that he knew that there was a straight girl underneath everything who just needed to know that it was ‘okay to be sexual.’”

getting kicked out

1. “my mom threatens to throw me out if I so much as bring it up“

2. “When I was house hopping, basically homeless as a young adult, my roommates would kick me out for not having sex with them. [Being out of the closet] got me homeless and back with my abusive mother.”

3. “I’m an 17 year old… and a junior in high school. I came out… to my family the other day and it went so horribly wrong. My own parents accused me of being some odd freak that’s not human and just… kicked me out. I only have my clothes, computer and such electronics, 100 dollars and my cat. I’m living in a friend’s basement. I wanted to go to college and earn a masters degree… but I have nothing. I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do.”

4. “I know for a fact if my mom finds out I’ll be homeless on the streets myself.”

5. “I [was] forced to have intercourse to try keeping my abuser from making me homeless… constantly [using my sexual orientation to]… threaten to kick me out 24/7.”

general familial rejection

1. “i’ve heard ‘i was threatened with being kicked out of my house’ so, so many times. also ‘i was abused/hit when i came out’. most ppl just went back into the closet and lied.” 

2. “My ex boyfriend sexually assaulted me [when I came out]. People have mocked me constantly for it. My parents put me in therapy for it.“

3. “I’ve tried to come out to my parents so many times and my dad doesn’t believe me, and my mom thinks it means there’s something wrong with me!”

4. “I just recently went to a family reunion and… I confided in a cousin about [my sexual orientation] and of course he told everyone, then they all legit got angry at me [for it]. Asking me how it happened, telling me it wasn’t real, it got to the point where they screamed at me then my aunt started setting me up with guys in her neighborhood.”

5. “Mi padre dice que… es una moda y que son “subnormales” les que lo son.  Me quiero ir de casa. [broken heart emoji]” (translation: “My father says that [my sexual orientation is] a fad and that people like that are ‘subnormal.’ I want to leave the house. [broken heart emoji]”)

harassment at work or school

1. “i overheard my boss discussing ways to get me to leave. somehow, and i don’t know how, he saw some of my tweets talking about [my sexual orientation]. he’s of the option that [it] is some disease, that it goes hand in hand with being devoid of emotions somehow, and that because of that i can’t possibly be a good teacher because i am incapable of empathy for the children and i am mentally ill.

“sure. he can’t fire me for that. but he sure can make my work environment so stressful, uncomfortable, and downright hostile. and he can do that so much it will make me quit. i didn’t want to let him win, but like. i was legitimately suicidal because of the environment at work and i felt like i had to quit.”

2. “I’m actually one of those… who have been denied a job simply because of my [sexuality]! last year the college I go to was looking for a counselor for the younger classes, something I’ve wanted to do! a week after I applied, I got an email saying that while I was qualified they saw my… posts [about sexual orientation] on my FB and didnt want to hire me because they were afraid I wouldn’t be able to positively connect to others!”

3. “I’d like to chime in on the whole workplace thing. In my experience, yes, [even if you’re not out], they can tell. They’ll notice that you don’t have [or at least don’t talk about] a significant other. They’ll notice when you don’t join in certain conversations, especially ones talking about relationships and ‘hot’ people. They’ll notice. And, if my experiences are any indication, they’ll talk about you behind your back.”

4. “I spent half of my freshman year math class tensed up in terror, trying to ignore the boy with his hand up my shirt because he’d threatened to out me to my parents if I told a soul - and my parents would have put me in therapy….”

abuse within the mental health system

1. “i have severe depression and about a year ago i had checked myself into a mental hospital because i knew i couldn’t keep myself safe. the hospital felt like a safe space to me and at one point during conversation i came out…. one of the patients, a male much older than me, began to tell me how… he would [sexually] touch me. he was very graphic about how and where he would touch me. everyone in the room cheered and laughed. i was terrified…. two days later i attempted suicide. i was immediately sent to another mental hospital. this time involuntarily.“ 

2. “How do I quantify my experience with that therapist? Do I drop names? I’m certain he’s still billing himself as a gender specialist…. And I mean, I was extra-complicated, is it really his fault I got messed up, that CBT backfired so hard?

“Yes, actually. Yes, it’s his fault.

“Sometimes now I even call that experience abusive. Certainly gaslighting.

“There was so much ‘you overattach to labels and overthink everything’ as a Solution? But most of all, the “this again?” was the worst. The ‘we’ve covered this, you’re not X, that’s your disordered thinking again.’

“And any time I mentioned that, it was all awkward and unanticipated and sorry-you-feel-that-way(-it’s-your-brain-again)(-couldn’t-have-known).

“Then last summer I realized I was autistic, and he laughed at the mere idea, and I isolated until I ended up in the psych hospital.”

3. “When I was 19, I was in therapy trying to deal with depression and anxiety (and honestly a lot of child abuse I didn’t realize was abuse at the time).  My therapist… made a lot of homophobic statements, didn’t believe bisexuality was a thing either… INSISTED that I ‘just didn’t want to get better’…. He gave a male client my contact information, pushed me to go on a date for multiple sessions, and pressured me to have sex when I said I didn’t want to.

“I was raped.”

4. “I love not being able to talk to my psychologist about my issues [around sexuality] because if we do she’ll suggest conversion therapy for me again. Feels good, feels organic” 

Step 2. compare the above to studies that include aces, and to the personal stories of aces

wait, we don’t have to. 

all of the above examples are actually by and about aces. 

and no, the study results linked at the top are not from the “group x” one about who people imagine they’d discriminate against. it’s a totally separate university study that asked about what people had actually experienced.

[fae-n-found]

ace discourse reminds me so much of that one snl sketch: a found poem

literally, nothing exclusionists do, and nothing you say to an exclusionist, will ever matter. nothing will ever get a response beyond “nuh uh!” they’ll phrase it different ways every time: “aces are cishet. cishets are cishet. they just wanna be oppressed so bad. they’re literally not oppressed in any way. they don’t experience homophobia or transphobia. they benefit from homophobia and transphobia. they are lying. that never happened. 

“you can’t use their tumblr posts as proof. you can’t use studies about them as proof. you can’t use every real-life org including them as proof. you can’t use our community’s own oral history as proof. you can’t use our community’s own written historical documents as proof. 

“lmao i’m not a terf, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao i’m not quoting terf rhetoric, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao i’m not consistently attacking trans women inclusionists, i’m literally an nb lesbian. lmao our movement isn’t full of terfs, we literally called out a terf once. lmao how dare you show me a blocklist of hundreds of terf exclusionists to call out, I’m literally an nb lesbian.

“anyway the community literally started to combat homophobia and transphobia. anyway it’s always been lgbtpn. anyway it’s always been lgbt. anyway cishets aren’t lgbt.” 

[fae-n-found]

@a-knight-in-the-night I think you should read the notes before commenting on posts to check if op has addressed the same point before. Just to save face and not waste people's time.

- Mod Badger

°~Daily reminder~°

You don’t need dysphoria to be trans.

You don’t need to be suffering and miserable to be trans.

Trans people are allowed to be happy/okay with their bodies.

Not every trans person will be getting surgery/hrt.

Sometimes just a social transition is enough for someone.

There isn’t just one way to be trans.

[fae-n-found]

I’ve been seeing a lot of nb people struggling with how to identify lately so I want to clear up a few misconceptions.

“Cis” is just short for “cisgender.” It isn’t an acronym. It’s an abbreviation. It doesn’t mean you’re “comfortable in [your own] skin.” It means that you 100% identify with the binary gender you were assigned at birth.

Being cis isn’t about loving your body or not wanting to change your body. Anyone can love their bodies or feel comfortable in them.

“Trans” is just short for “transgender.” It’s an abbreviation. It doesn’t mean “transitioning.” It means you don’t 100% identify with your assigned binary gender at birth. For many, that means they identify 100% with the other binary gender. But it could also mean identifying outside the binary.

So nonbinary people can call themselves trans, even if they aren’t transitioning from one binary to another. Obviously, no one has to call themselves trans. But nonbinary identities are inherently not cis, and can fall under the trans label if you feel comfortable with it.

The act of transitioning doesn’t have to mean that you get surgery on both the top and bottom of your body and change your name and presentation and all that other stuff. You can transition without getting surgery or by only getting some surgery. You can transition by changing your presentation only a little or a lot or not at all. You can transition by changing your name even if you don’t do it legally. Transition looks different from everyone and so the fact that you aren’t doing it in one very specific way doesn’t mean you aren’t doing it or aren’t capable of doing it. And frankly, you don’t have to transition at all. You could keep the same name and pronouns and presentation and everything if you want. Identifying as nonbinary is enough. You don’t have to do more than that to prove you’re not cis.

Gender =/= presentation. You can present as feminine or as masculine as you want and it has no effect on whether you’re really nonbinary or not.

Your pronouns don’t determine your gender. Use whatever feels comfortable for you. If you are afab and want to go by “she,” that is just as valid as being afab and going by “they” or “ze” or anything else. You aren’t cis just because you don’t feel comfortable using unique, new, or complex pronouns. Using common or gendered pronouns is okay.

Yes, you can be nonbinary even if you’re x orientation. Orientations almost never require you to be binary, and those that do don’t usually need you to be 100% binary, so asking, “can I be nb if I’m also bi/pan/demi/whatever” isn’t necessary. Nb lesbians exist so why can’t you be nb and your orientation?

The only orientation I can’t picture an nb person being is straight, because we don’t have an opposite binary gender to which to be attracted. But I understand if you feel like there isn’t a better word for you.

There are orientations coined just for nb people. It might be worth looking them up if you’re feeling confused. But remember that you don’t have to identify with them. Nb people can be a lot of different orientations. You don’t have to choose one that you don’t feel works for you just because you’re nonbinary. There is no one orientation nonbinary people have to be.

You’re not less nb if you’re not sure what gender you are yet. All you need to know right now is that you’re not 100% binary.

Yes, you can be nb even if you partially identify with your assigned gender at birth.

No, you don’t need to have a hyper specific gender identity. Yes, it’s okay if you have a hyper specific identity. Both vague and specific identities are valid, so use whatever feels right to you.

Yes, it’s okay if you don’t experience dysphoria. No, you don’t need dysphoria to be trans or nb.

You don’t have to be aligned with any binary gender. Yes, it’s okay if you are.

Yes, it’s okay to change your label or explore new labels. Yes, it’s okay if you don’t want to label yourself right now. No, changing your label a bunch doesn’t make you invalid. Yes, it’s okay to question your gender. No, you’re not a bad person if you thought you were x and you’re actually y. Yes, it’s okay if one day you decide you’re not really nonbinary.

Hope this helps some of you.

With love,

❄💙 Bella 💙❄, your local genderqueer.