fraisefille33

[fraisefille33]

So I was talking to my bf last night and I have come to the conclusion I don't really have many proper hobbies that I just do because I enjoy them and I have tried just looking up ideas on TikTok and Pinterest. It's not helping much.

What do you guys do for hobbies? I need ideas.

[fraisefille33]

I got a laptop for Christmas and it has honestly given me so much motivation to learn German. On my phone there was a million distractions yet somehow this feels different. Probably cause I'm not signed into any social media except Tumblr, Twitter and Pinterest on here and don't plan to sign into anything else. It's nice. I also found a couple new language learning sites to try today.

[fraisefille33]

I’m not in school. I don’t have a job. If I wanted to dedicate all of my time from the moment I woke up to studying German I could and I’d learn it quickly. Yet I just like… Can’t? Obviously not literally 24/7 but like I could spend the majority of my time studying if I wanted to and I have no excuses for not. I just… Can’t? I don’t know else to explain it and it bothers me very deeply.

[fraisefille33]

On my list of goals for 2025 was to do my 40 hours of volunteer hours to finally actually graduate high school. (It’s a requirement in Ontario for some reason). Well, that’s no longer something I’ve gotta do. The original place I did it FINALLY emailed me confirmation!!!! I sent it to my guidance counsellor though I’m still waiting for a response from him but I am officially eligible to graduate now.

There was honestly a point where I just gave up all hope on graduating even while I was in school I almost dropped out at the last second. So this is… Not something I really anticipated.

Finally graduating high school means I’ll be able to go to university as well. Which I will have to retake grade 12 English which I’m probably going to do online next year. But since I was 15 my dream has been to move abroad for university. Specifically to France or Germany (most likely Germany now) which is why I’ve been learning those 2 languages. I have spent over a year thinking I’d never be able to do either but now… All I really need to do is retake grade 12 English, apply, and hope for the best like anyone else would. I actually can’t believe that’s a realistic thing I can do now. Like that’s a real option. I might actually go to university and finally be away from here for a while. Like that’s a real possibility in my life. It kinda feels fake sometimes.

[fraisefille33]

I finally downloaded Libby and I have in fact determined the reason I wasn’t reading before is that I couldn’t do it with dimmed lighting. Being able to read on my phone or tablet is 1000x better in every way. Now I can have my cute ambient lighting AND be able to see what I’m reading 😂.

[fraisefille33]

All the people posting about “books aren’t political so online reading communities shouldn’t talk about politics” right now are the same people who will refuse to read a book if no one has sex in it. Just saying.

[fraisefille33]

New journal + some Stitch stickers to hopefully motivate me to actually use it this time 😂 I think I might try to start journaling in German with this one to have a proper record of my improvement. Yeah it’ll start off fairly simple but if I stick to it by the time I finish this notebook there should be a huge difference.

[fraisefille33]

I want to start a journal so badly but I can’t because I stress out about my handwriting the entire time and then abandon it half a page in whenever I do.

[fraisefille33]

My realistic goals for 2025

Because I refuse to spend another year doing nothing because I set goals that couldn’t be achieved in only a year.

1. Start attending Sunday mass — I haven’t attended church since I was a baby because my family stopped and now that I’m not in school anymore I don’t even have holiday masses (I went to a Catholic high school).

2. Join the young adult group at my church once I turn 19 — They don’t have anything for ages 15-18 for some reason but I think it would help me make friends offline. It would also definitely get me out of bed and out of the house more often.

3. Finish my volunteer hours and officially graduate high school — I never officially got my diploma because in Ontario you’re required to do 40 hours of community service in order to graduate. I did these hours but the organization I did them with never sent me confirmation like they said they would.

4. Start taking an online German course — This one feels pretty self explanatory.

5. Start writing a book — My dream is to be an author so I want to start working towards that sooner rather than later.

6. Get back over 100lbs — I’m finally taking recovery seriously for once and going back over 100lbs has been a huge fear of mine for a long time. So, I want to at least get back to 100lbs. I know I can’t fully recover in a year but that’s one thing that would be a huge step towards it for me.

7. Start exercising daily even if it’s something small like a short workout video — Since my ED taking away basically all of my energy and strength I’ve become weaker than I was as a child. I get tired going up and down the 5 stairs in my house. Most days are spent just laying in my bed the entire day because I get tired super easily doing anything else. I really need to work on that.

8. Find a way to make money from home — My health doesn’t exactly allow me to have a job that requires too much physical effort at the moment, hence #7 but I need money so I’m probably going to start an Etsy shop or find some other way to make money from home.

9. Spend more time on things that genuinely make me happy/feel good — Talk to people I actually enjoy’s company more often, start journaling again, take the time to make sure I look and therefore feel my best before going out, keep a consistent skincare routine, give dedicated time to my hobbies.

10. Post on social media more, scroll social media less — Posting about my life and progress online has always been really good motivation for me. Knowing other people will see what I’m doing motivates me to do better at it or stick to it. Scrolling social media, however, leads to a lot of negative feelings. So, I want to try and limit the time I scroll while also posting more.

[fraisefille33]

Setting realistic goals for 2025 because I refuse to spend another year not doing anything because I made my goals too difficult to achieve in one year.

[fraisefille33]

Finally switched from making vision boards for the next year to the next couple years and now I feel way less stressed. I’m always miserable at the end of the year because I didn’t achieve what I wanted to. Realistically I was trying to do things that weren’t going to happen in just a year. Allowing myself to make goals that may take more than a year has to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Not everything can be done immediately. And that’s okay.

[fraisefille33]

Considering starting a journal in German for the primary reason of my mother doesn’t speak it nor does she understand technology enough to translate it and my dad doesn’t care what I journal about. But I also absolutely don’t know German well enough for that. Might try anyway though. Use a translator for what I don’t know and maybe I’ll pick up on things over time.

[fraisefille33]

My understanding of French is already getting horrible since school so I’m probably gonna start doing writing prompts or something to figure that back out. I knew I’d start forgetting it if I didn’t use it constantly but I didn’t think it’d be that fast 😭😂.

[fraisefille33]

I got her a teddy so we can both have stuffie friends ☺️

[fraisefille33]

The day has come where I have finally accepted spending all day every day on my phone is probably killing my eyesight even more than genetics already was. Not to mention my mental health.

So, I’ve made a list of activities to do off technology that I’m going to try to do at least 2 of every day. There’s a fair chance more will come up but I’m not pushing it with expectations considering right now I’m doing zero of these most days.

♡ Read a chapter of a book

♡ Colour a colouring page

♡ Clean my room (or at least part of it)

♡ Do a puzzle

♡ Draw something

♡ Do a craft

♡ Write in my journal

♡ Paint something

♡ Practice writing in German or French

♡ Build a Lego set

♡ Do a chore I’ve been procrastinating

This is just a few things I thought of immediately but I will also count any other screenless activities if they come up. This list is just a few ideas to start off with if I don’t know what to do.

[fraisefille33]

October 16 2024.

Day 84/365 of me attempting to immerse myself in German in at least one way every day for a year.

I’ve finally changed this from “a year straight” to just “a year” cause I don’t think I’m capable of doing this a year straight right now. However, I do still want to get this up to 365 days no matter how much time ends up between those days.

I’m honestly not 100% sure the number 84 is accurate. It may be a little higher than that since my last update. I’ve tried to remember the amount of days but I never kept track. I had a week long Busuu streak when I first downloaded the app and have used it a couple times since then for some more lessons. Though I have lost a fair amount of motivation to actually do things. I still want to learn German, I’ve just been having a hard time getting myself to sit down and really focus on it. All my reasons to want to learn are still there. Nothing has changed. I’ve just suddenly hit a point of constantly procrastinating. Which isn’t too shocking, this is how things went when I was in school as well. The good new is, however, I don’t have a time limit now. I don’t have to know a certain amount by a certain date. I can take this at my own pace without pressure.

As for today, the most recent day being added to this count: I’ve watched part of an episode of Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated and part of an episode of Be Cool Scooby Doo on the German Warner Brothers YouTube channel. I also am hopefully going to do a Busuu lesson, or maybe a couple if I’m up to it, later tonight.

I really want to get myself on some sort of proper study schedule. Especially since I have free time constantly at the moment. I’m not in school nor do I have a job. I have no real excuses not to be studying German and I should be taking advantage of this free time before I eventually do get a job or go to school. I’ve also considered maybe joining a local church group once I’m 19 (for some reason they just don’t have any groups for ages 14-18.. They do for before and after… Just not those ages 🤷) just to get some social interaction with other people my age offline. I’m not sure how to manage it though because I don’t work well with schedules. I tend to create them and then ignore them. So I’ll have to figure that out first.

[fraisefille33]

Some pictures from this weekend <3

I’ve reached a point with learning German where I really want to but I just.. Can’t? I want to learn it, I want to be able to put in the time and effort, yet I’m constantly procrastinating it. I don’t know why I’m having so many issues with this. I have the motivation. I just can’t put it into action? I have reasons to do it, I want to do it, yet every time I’m about to do something related to it I get sidetracked and forget about it. I’ve been considering dedicating a certain amount of time each day to it but I feel like I would forget about it or just decide not to do it.

I’m not really sure what my issue is. My reasons for wanting to learn it are still there and I still want to learn it. I just seem to constantly be putting it off longer and longer lately.

I really hope I fix whatever’s up with this soon but I honestly don’t even know what the problem is so that’s fun.

I’ve never really been great at learning things in a typical way so maybe I’m just taking the wrong approach and causing myself the same issues school used to cause me.