goth1cd3adrose - Tumblr blog

[goth1cd3adrose]

My family: *knows I have an eating disorder*

My dad when I eat fast: "Slow down you're going to make yourself sick"

Me: "Sorry I haven't eaten all day I'm hungry"

Dad: "Well that's not my fault now is it?"

(Another day)

My family: *All hungry in the car and having to go somewhere and no one had time for lunch*

My dad: "Guess we're all starving like goth1cd3adrose right now"

Me: *internally screaming*

(Tonight)

My sister who's seen my eating disorder PC backdrop and knows that my eating issues are anxiety-based: "Your nickname should be mouse"

Me IMH: I don't think you're ever going to grasp this are you?

Eh, I'll get the surprised Pikachu face from them someday and then I'll be facepalming remembering back on these instances.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Here's another post for the men/masc/amab/otherwise not specified folk out here struggling. I know it's hard to feel seen as it is. Eating disorders are already something barely acknowledged, I can only imagine what that must be like as a man on top of that.

Here's a reminder that you are valid just as much as the women/fem folk here. You are just as much a part of this community as we are. You are cared about here and like anyone else on this side tumblr I hope you're able to find the help you want and or need.

I know reaching out is easier said than done, especially with societal pressure breathing down your necks. If it's something you're interested in try looking into your local men's support groups. If you can't find one in person there are a lot of anonymous ones online. In the meantime, I hope you can find some comfort in this community.

Now do yourself a favor and go drink some water and remember you matter.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Ok, whenever I see a thinspo picture with a cat I can't help but call it catspo. Does anyone else do this?

[goth1cd3adrose]

DON’T MAKE COMMENTS ON CHILDREN’S WEIGHT

This is the fucking reason for my disorder

[goth1cd3adrose]

REPORTING PEOPLE DOES NOT HELP ANYONE.

One of my friends recently got termed.

All of our messages are gone.

I had a horrible day and when I tried to find her acc, it was gone.

I don't even know her name, and now she's gone.

I have no irl support system and now I've lost the one person who made me feel somewhat normal.

reporting does not save lives. I struggled with ed's since I turned 5. reporting one random girl who hates her body on edblr is NOT going to make me recover.

If u stalk these tags to report ppl because u have some messed up saviour complex, get a life.

[goth1cd3adrose]

If you can tell someone is socially off, maybe don't assume why. You don't know what's going on with them mentally or why they're like that and they don't owe you an explanation for it. Maybe they're autistic, high on weed, or they're just having a mentally off day and it's affecting their brain function.

(If you couldn't tell I'm venting about those who have insulted me for expressing myself the way I do. Different things affect my communication.)

[goth1cd3adrose]

REMINDER: BLOCK, DON'T REPORT

Tumblr is so many people's safe place and while you may think from an outsiders perspective that you need to get rid of e//dblr and $hblr, you shouldn't, to so many people this is their only outlet.

Someone reported my posts and while I'm glad only my posts were deleted, so many others have their blogs t worded.

This is my only outlet where I feel I can express myself so please don't try and take it away from me. The posts that were deleted have very specific warnings that mean anyone who is triggered or doesn't want to see that sort of content is able to scroll without seeing it; if you saw it you were either searching for it or viewed it at your own discretion.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Any advice for newbies? Like what you wish you’ve know at the beginning or was a game changer, I need to catch up 😭

what i wish i knew when i first joined the community

1) DONT. CRASH. DIET. it fucks up your metabolism and WILL inevitably cause a binge no matter how much self control you think you have.

2) don’t dry fast, that’s how you kill yourself. stay extremely hydrated during your fasts and for the love of god 50 calories DOES break a fast.

3) if you are a purger, STAY HYDRATED. it will help with your electrolytes. try not to purge everyday because it can fuck up your heart really bad

4) don’t binge until your stomach hurts, that means that your stomach is close to rupturing.

5) just because you burned off calories doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t count them!! (i.e.: if you burn 400 calories off of a 900 calorie limit, you shouldn’t “add” an allowance of 400 more calories.)

6) don’t waste your money on dieting pills unless they’re alli or whatever that brand is. they just make your stomach hurt and make you sweat a ton, they aren’t worth it.

7) DONT. USE. LAXATIVES. EVERY. DAY. just don’t. you will eventually be like me who used to depend on them everyday to have regular bowel movements.

8) eat protein. it increases your metabolism by 14%

9) caffeine is an appetite suppressant. USE IT.

10) in regards to number 9, balance it out with water or you’re going to get kidney stones (ew.)

11) when you’re starting to binge, STOP and count to 100. calm yourself before taking another bite. do something else for at least a minute to divert your attention.

12) stop having an “all or nothing” mindset. if you’re bingeing, half a box of crackers is a huge difference than an entire box. STOP YOURSELF.

13) if you are bingeing frequently, up your intake. an intake of 600 is better than an intake of 400 with binges thrown in every week.

14) if you have a craving, imagine the food crawling with bugs or being covered in something disgusting. or just think about a food that makes you sick.

15) METABOLISM. DAYS. WORK. having an intake spike of 200 once or twice a month helps your metabolism speed up and get you out of a plateau.

16) “coaches” are EXTREMELY dangerous. accept an offer for someone to coach you at your own discretion.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Sooooo I have an ED corner in my room. The floor-length mirror is in front of my scale. My weights are on either side of the scale too. My cloth tape measure hangs on the top of the mirror. The whole setup is blocked by a wall so anyone looking into my room can't just see it unless they go around the corner. I have a bunch of meanspo I painted on flashcards taped to the hidden wall. Does anyone else have a corner where they keep their shit too?

[goth1cd3adrose]

Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me Don't love me

DON'T FUCKING LOVE ME I'M NOT WORTH IT

Just don't leave me alone, please stay. Why am I so afraid of you? Who am I even writing this about? The world scares me. Or am I just afraid of hurting the world?

[goth1cd3adrose]

Pros and cons of having a family that doesn't pay attention enough to eating disorder behaviors.

Pros I can eat 3 meatballs and leave the table

Cons I can eat 3 meatballs and leave the table

On a serious note

Pros

No one is forcing me to get better

They say as long as they see me eat something that's all that matters

As long as I'm not underweight then to them I'm still healthy

I never have to lie about the ed because it won't disappoint them if they know the truth. Of course I never tell them what I'm thinking.

My friends pick up what they aren't.

Cons

All of my disordered eating habits feel normal

Unless I fast nothing feels like a small enough amount.

My ugw will still be at an ok weight in my their eyes.

My brain still screams, taunts, and bullies me for not keeping it a secret and keeping up a perfect facade.

I feel the need to hide it more from my friends than I do from them.

[goth1cd3adrose]

The pallet was the inspiration. The pallet was the thoughts.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Finally got an appointment for Remi my rat for 2 today. I'm only allowing myself one chocolate to split with her. She deserves to know what it tastes like at least once.

Her in her first hammock and her being my sleeve puppy. May you rest peacefully little one.

[goth1cd3adrose]

To anyone thinking about recovery listen to Get Well by Icon for Hire, make it a recovery anthem or one of them for yourself, and do yourself a favor and don't let yourself look back. Get the help you need and leave this behind if that is what you want and if it's what's best for you. As for me, I need this, I need this for now. I'd be lost without it. I'd be dead without it.

[goth1cd3adrose]

I might either be glued to here for the next few days or be taking a break I have no idea what I'm doing yet. Remi my rat is up there in age. Her third birthday is next month. I'm not ok. She goes to the vet tomorrow for you know what.

[goth1cd3adrose]

To any man/masc/amab/otherwise not specified out there who doesn't hear this enough, you ARE valid. Your struggles ARE valid. If anyone tells you otherwise, point them out and I will PERSONALLY whack them upside the head with an unopened paper towel roll. You ARE human. Emotions ARE human. You DESERVE to feel seen and heard like any other human

(Does whacking someone with a fluffy paper towel roll fall under assault labels? Do pillows hurt more, and do they too fall under assault?)

I'm tired of seeing the men in my friend groups not being taken seriously in their worlds. I see them suffer here too. I feel like no one understands Ana anyway, but I still want to make sure they feel as validated here as the rest of us.

[goth1cd3adrose]

Night has fallen once more. While the pale moon hasn't shown his face to me tonight, I feel more alive than I have for a time now. For how long this will last I do not know. I feel a honeymoon phase on the horizon. May it dawn upon me when next my eyes open, for I have found home.